In this episode, Sara Scarlette, a community leader, parent and trans person living with undetectable HIV will be sharing what it’s like to live with HIV in the modern era. They discuss their first scary moment receiving the diagnosis, their journey to understanding and obtaining antiretroviral treatment, its medical impact, and their social experiences since learning of their HIV status.

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In this episode, Remington, a trans man, describes his experiences navigating clinical depression and the strategies he has used that help him live with more mental ease.

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Their most recent works include “Boy Slut”, a fictional film about an encounter between two gay men, a mini-documentary about Cliff Media called “A Certain Kind”, and a forthcoming feature-length documentary about Cliff Media called “A House on the Cliff”. 

Like many artists creating content about sexuality, Gabriel has been censored on multiple platforms, including a permanent ban from YouTube. They are also limited the film festivals that accept their work and the audience that their work reaches. As an independent artist, they make only minimal income which they supplement with a low-wage job. 

Nonetheless, they persist in their vision of ethical and honest art, work that brings them a sense of meaning and happiness. Their resilience in a reminder of the value of identifying and believing in who you are and the power of your personal vision.

In this episode, Kitty describes how they processed through early narratives in their life about being “hypersexual” and eventually came to terms with their sexual desires. Now that they embrace their high sex drive and desire for multiple sexual partners as a positive part of their personality, they are able to set stronger boundaries, ask more confidently for what they want, and pursue the kind of sex that brings them joy.

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In this episode, Charle, a trans woman, describes how being transgender has impacted her social and economic circumstances throughout her adult life. In the face of discrimination, her resilience in continuing to assert her identity, including gender-affirming treatment and surgeries, speaks volumes to the importance of her gender for her identity and mental health. 

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In some cases, even after learning about and trying out different relationship structures, people still conclude that monogamy is right for them. 

In this episode, Ali and T describe their experience with “chosen monogamy”, a relationship style in which they decided, despite knowledge of and past experiences with non-monogamy, to be sexually exclusive. Neither monogamy nor non-monogamy are right for everyone. As Ali and T discovered, empowerment is less about any one relationship structure over another and more about the ability to make a conscious, personal choice.

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In this panel episode, Hannah and Adrian describe how decades of trying to squeeze themselves in a box they don’t fit had detrimental consequences, including depression, anger and addiction. Over time, in a gradual process of coming out, or as the panelists discuss “letting people in”, they were able to create more space for freedom, authenticity and joy in their lives.

In this episode, Tina describes how they have encountered fatphobia throughout their lives. Inspired by fat loving activists and authors, as well as their personal experience as a performer in Cliff Media’s porn scenes, Tina has learned a new way of relating to their fabulous body. Talk about the damaging impacts of fatphobia and ways people of all body sizes can work to unlearn these ideas.

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In consensual non-consent (CNC), scene partners negotiate their desires, boundaries and limits in advance. Although the scene roleplays assault, it is based on care and prior communication. Because the sub has asked for the dynamic, specified their boundaries and can stop the scene at any time, the sub retains power, creating a powerful way to reframe past experiences of rape.

By contrast, seeking out sexual assault itself exists outside the negotiated safety of CNC. Nonetheless, it is a practice shared by some survivors of sexual assault, who intentionally place themselves in dangerous situations with the hope of reliving their prior experiences.

In this episode, Hannah describes how this has played out in her life. But subconsciously and, sometimes, very intentionally, she has sought to relive the magnitude of violence and control she first experienced at 12 years old. 

Assault for Hannah has a different meaning now, as a physically stronger and more emotionally resilient adult. She explores to what extent this is driven by a desire to reclaim power in an experience where she previously found herself powerless or a brain wired for repeating unhealed trauma. 

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Underlying this shame is often an anxiety about rejection. Releasing this fear and shame to express what you need - and even what you simply want, whether essential to well-being or not - can be enormously freeing. 

In this episode, Tina talks about ways that narratives in their childhood encouraged them to be smaller, quieter, and focused on the needs of others, and how they came to live a fuller, more self-authorized life.

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In this episode, Remi describes moments in their life where they chose joy and love. It’s not easy trusting your gut. Even in the absence of violence, the stories that dominant society tells us can be loud. Remi’s ability to follow his heart is an inspiring example of self-trust.

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In this episode, Vanessa and Hannah, a person who lives somewhere outside the gender binary, look under the hood of gender identity. Hannah documents their personal journey with gender, self-expression and relationships. Their open, deep reflections reveal relatable inconsistencies. For example, they express apathy toward their perceived gender identity but also long for a different, more feminine body. They reject gender-based social expectations, while also desiring the kind of softer interactions that are often attached to femininity.

Even for people who recognize that gender is a made-up social construct, we are also wired for connection, so social constructs matter. Gender stereotypes, roles and expectations can and should be challenged, but these norms still loom large in collective thought. They subconsciously influence how we believe we should dress, talk, have sex, behave, or relate to others. Being honest about and dissecting the innumerable ways these assumptions show up in our lives may help us to break free of their constraints and enjoy just being.

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Despite the stereotypes of skeezy adult theaters, Bambi describes largely positive experiences working with customers. They also had meaningful moments helping customers overcome the stigma attached to sexual, kink, or queer desire. 

Bambi had a sex-positive mindset before working at the adult store, but their coworkers and experiences on the job contributed to their growth and exploration around gender, sexuality and self-confidence. 

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In this episode, Roxie Valentine describes the process of learning how to ask for what she wants. A recent experience stands out in her journey when she expressed to her polycule a kink fantasy that took some bravery to request. She examines what parts of herself changed to reach the place of self-acceptance and belief that she is worthy of having and expressing her own desires.

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In this episode, we talk with Selena, a Russian refugee who fled transphobic violence and political persecution in her home country. She describes the bullying, assaults and intentional humiliation she experienced from her family and from her school. Nonetheless, she recounts how clearly she knew her identity from a young age and her persistence in being herself. 

Despite the social and political conditions, Selena formed clandestine associations with other LGBT people in her area, meeting with curtains drawn just to share safe spaces and friendship. She and a group of friends even went on public record advocating for transgender people. Her brave actions, along with discrimination in employment, ongoing violence and other factors, led Selena to escape to the U.S. 

In the words of Maya Angelou, “No one of us can be free until everybody is free.” Stories from LGBTQ folks surviving, resisting or fleeing dangerously transphobic places help us remember what it means to fight for authentic safety, happiness and freedom in community. 

A warning that this episode includes discussion of physical violence. 

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In this episode, Josh talks about a component of managing jealousy that’s less often discussed, perhaps because it’s less comfortable for the jealous partner. He takes us through steps he’s taken to manage his own emotions and grow into confidence, secure attachment and healthy interdependence. His reflections range from big picture questions of self-worth to day-to-day strategies of distraction.

The idea that we are all responsible for our own happiness can be understood as a source of liberation: we have the keys to unlock the kingdom for ourselves. Although communication in a relationship is of course important, learning and developing strength as an individual is also a critical part of making polyamory a more life-giving experience. 

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In this episode, Azura shares her experience of getting stuck in a relationship where she felt she couldn’t be herself, was discouraged from taking up space and eventually ended up feeling unsafe. Eventually, she felt so depressed and trapped that she put in what she called her “two weeks notice on life”, grabbed her things and high-tailed it across the country. Pushing aside the fog of trauma, Azura bravely reclaimed her life and the space to be herself. 

Whether you’re into Shibari rope, impact play, needle play, or more, tips from this episode may help you feel more confident taking care of your body and mind during play.

Squirting has social significance. Debunking the myth that squirt is a porn stunt, Foxie describes squirting as a natural part of arousal for many people with vulvas. She shares her own personal experiences with squirting, the sex acts that most trigger squirt, the social reactions she has encountered, and the empowerment that came when she first discovered this aspect of her sexual life.

The stigma, shame and misconceptions about squirt keep some people with vulvas from allowing their bodies to squirt. There is meaningful liberation in allowing your body to do what it wants, especially during vulnerable acts of sex and orgasm. 

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In this episode, two Cliff Media leaders, Jordan, a person with a permanent physical disability, and Hannah, a genderqueer person, talk about the differences and similarities in their experiences living outside the dominant culture. They describe the difficulties of feeling misunderstood or excluded as a child and the challenges of being in spaces where everyone else is able-bodied or cisgender and straight. They also talk about the journey of learning to express themselves confidently for all of who they are. 

Through common experiences being in Cliff Media led by queer people and people with disabilities, Jordan and Hannah describe the power of being in a community with people who share and understand aspects of your identity. With empathy toward the healing journey of people who have experienced trauma, discrimination or exclusion, they also describe the significance and value of reaching across identity to build genuinely inclusive community led by people with multiple, often intersecting marginalized identities. 

In this episode, Diana shares her experience as a new participant with Cliff Media. The first day of Cliff Media’s 2024 LGBTQ Shoot Week was her first entry into the company, though by day four, she feels like a staple of the community. 

Community organizing-based porn, especially led by queer people, people with disabilities and Black, Indigenous and people of color, is a unique, unparalleled social experiment. As a result, everyone coming into Cliff Media for the first time, even those with experience in group sex or porn, is joining something they have not experienced before. 

Diana talks about her fears and expectations prior to attending the shoot, and her initial experience on the first day. She describes the ups and downs of her physical and emotional reaction to the shoot week, and offers practical tips for people who want to prepare their body before specific sexual acts. 

At Cliff Media, we invite people to do only exactly whatever they want to do with their bodies, asking others for consent (“May I [verb] your [noun]?”), expressing their boundaries and being comfortable with providing honest feedback to learn and grow from each other. This can be an uncomfortable new experience, and as Diana expresses, it is the effort toward loving everyone who walks the door that allows people to feel safer being their authentic selves, including in their sexual and interpersonal desires.

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This podcast continues Jordan’s story, introduced in the previous episode, as a person with a permanent physical disability who struggled with the desire for belonging in childhood, leading to addiction in early adulthood. In part two of this story, Jordan describes the process he pursued to get sober, build connections, and find positivity and meaning in his life. His approach centered on small, self-loving changes that conditioned him into the realization that change, of all kinds, are possible. 

As we collectively build loving, sex-positive community, considering the perspectives of the 25% of the population with disabilities is a critical part of inclusion. But the lessons apply even for people who don’t have physical disabilities. Enormous value can come from the brave act of defining your own truth, believing that you are worthy of belonging however your body looks or works, is a critical part of experiencing personal power and happiness, even when it takes baby steps and gradual change.

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When you have a visible physical disability, other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, can make you feel different, misunderstood or excluded. 

In this podcast, Jordan talks about the relationship between his life as a person with a visible permanent physical disability and his experience of addiction. The difficulty caused by exclusions in school, and other people’s ignorance, even when well-meaning, led to him feeling different. 

In high school, substance use gave Jordan access to what otherwise felt like unachievable inclusion. Increasing use of substances, in the hustle to experience belonging, led to a life-impairing addiction. Although Jordan has since overcome his addiction and now leads a life full of positivity and meaning, the addiction took a toll on his early adulthood.

Like many common human experiences, including sexual desire, masturbation, queerness and mental illness, addiction is often suffered in secret shame. Jordan’s story models incredible vulnerability, 

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Based on her recent personal experience in a psychiatric hospital, Roxie, a trans woman, describes connections made among LGBTQ patients and the role these connections played in creating a healing environment. Especially in areas with less access to LGBTQ-affriming mental health care, Roxie’s experience demonstrates why it’s important for ally providers to allow LGBTQ patients to talk with each other, including about subjects that may be relevant to their sexuality or identity. 

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Rooted in Vanessa’s first-hand experience, this episode offers some perspectives on practical questions like:

• How to approach sharing your contact information as a sex worker,
• How to preserve your emotional energy when arranging gigs,
• How to reduce the risk of harassment, wage theft or assault, 
• Red flags to look out for when considering prospective clients, producers, or co-stars, and
• How to take care of your physical and emotional safety when incidents occur.

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We cover questions like: What do you do at a sex club? How do you decide which one to choose? How do you get over nervous feelings and connect with new people? How do you keep yourself safe? 

The episode also closes with some recommendations for sex club attendees and owners about creating more race, class and gender-inclusive spaces, so that everyone feels welcome and can have safe, ridiculous, sexy fun.

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In this episode, Roxie talks about her experience of deciding to come out as a trans woman, in spite of her ex-wife’s opinions about it. In order to regain footing in her life, especially at a time when she wasn’t surrounded by queer community and had minimal support for her decision, Roxie had to embark on a journey of learning radical self-acceptance. 

From this experience, Roxie offers approaches to loving yourself in any tough moment of your life, including better self-talk, giving yourself grave, and practicing the golden rule inverse, that is treating yourself as you treat others. 

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Underestimated in public perception, sex work is a lot of hard work, including marketing, networking, communications, preparation, and appointments. It also comes with significant emotional labor and requires strong belief in yourself and your boundaries. Sex work isn’t for everyone, but for people who love sex, helping people connect with themselves, and being their own boss, it can be, as Hannah says, “a hoot”. 

In an unregulated industry with essentially no legal recourse, the very best way to protect yourself as a sex worker is to find other sex workers and help each other. If that’s you, we invite you to reach out to Cliff Media, a community organizing-based porn company with a leadership team committed to supporting sex workers, in whatever form their work takes.

Although this culture can be very sexually liberating, it also often reproduces many of the power dynamics present in dominant society. Many sex clubs are expensive and are disproportionately attended by white, middle-class couples. Cultural practices in swinging and the assumptions made about Black men can create unwelcoming dynamics.

In this episode, Jermaine Lavender, a pornstar and producer, as well as a long-time swinger, shares his experiences and perspectives as a Black man in the lifestyle. 

Jermaine dive deep into racial dynamics that play out in the lifestyle. Popular tropes, like BBC and Queen of Spades, can perpetuate dehumanizing ideas about Black men. Other stereotypes pervasive in society at large, such as the dangerous or angry Black man, also influence swinger culture.

Concepts of “double consciousness” and “white fragility”, explored by racial theorists W.E.B. Du Bois and Robin DiAngelo, inform Jermaine’s message. He offer guidance to White people in ways to improve their practices, as well as offering to Black people surviving and thriving in the lifestyle.

Although Joshua faced 4 years in prison, they are now a formerly incarcerated, openly genderqueer person, a community advocate for formerly incarcerated people, and a porn actor. In this episode, they describe their journey coping with the sexually repressed environment in prison and their journey figuring out how to be sexual after release. 

During their period of incarceration, sex was never an option, access to flirting was almost never available, and procuring and using pornographic images became too much effort to bother. Eventually Joshua stopped masturbating and lost connection to their sexuality. 

Nonetheless, during their period of incarceration, Joshua was able to work with Department of Corrections staff to develop a course on Gender and Sexuality taught to other people in the facility. The class was often academic in nature, but it still allowed people a space once a week to be a little more vulnerable and open about their desires and identity.

In prison, the only Joshua experienced touch was when faced with violence. They had to work through this trauma and their years of inexperience asking for dates and play partners, to find their way to trauma-sensitive and mutually consensual sex.

Driven by a racially discriminatory criminal justice system, 5% of the U.S. population has been incarcerated in their lifetimes and about 1 in 4 Black men have been incarcerated. This episode is a love note to these people and a window into the realities that people in prison face for anyone who knows, encounters, has sex with or loves a formerly incarcerated person.

Growing up in a conservative environment in Virginia, Lupin didn’t have many connections to queer or non-monogamous people. He faced racial discrimination as a Black man and bullying from other kids, the combination of which made it even harder to come out. 

After moving across the country to a more progressive environment, Lupin began to find queer, non-monogamous and more sexually open-minded communities. Nonetheless, the values of his family and community of origin continued to influence his way of being in these spaces. For example, the first time he filmed group porn scenes with Cliff Media, he was uniquely thoughtful about respect for performers’ enthusiastic consent, a value and habit he attributes to his mother. 

What Lupin refers to as “unburying yourself” to find the life that makes you feel most free and authentic can be a challenging, multi-layered journey, especially when different perspectives and identities in life complicate the process. But to this point, Lupin describes his new life as “the happiest he’s ever been” and invites you into the shared experience of discovering the freedom to be yourself. 

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As you push your boundaries in kink, allowing yourself to open up to new experiences, release societal expectations, and practice expressing your desires and boundaries, you gain a sense of personal power. As Hannah describes, feeling empowered becomes addicting. Once realizing that you can own your desires and boundaries in kink, you discover the ability to do so in other aspects of your non-sexual life, in your personal relationships, work environment, and way you walk in the world. 

Hannah invites listeners into their personal journey of self-discovery through kink, outlines ways people can explore kink themselves, and become a bigger, stronger version of themselves. 

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Vanessa and Anna, two pornstars and slutty people in their personal lives, share this lived experience. They each discuss different insecurities they faced related to slutting before, during and after pregnancy, including uncertainty about finding a supportive partner, changes in the body shape and appearance, and expectations around appropriate behavior during pregnancy. 

It turns out, in their experience, pregnancy presents an awesome opportunity for sexuality. With romantic partners, it can be a uniquely intimate experience. When pursuing anonymous or one-off hookups, pregnancy can be a desirable kink. And the horniness of a pregnant person creates unique opportunities for exploring new experiences, including those that previously may have felt off-limits due to inhibitions. 

With care to your sexual and emotional health, slutting while pregnant is not only possible, it can be arousing and fun for all parties involved.

Usually, we love sharing sexy, silly videos that make viewers smile, feel loved, welcome, and seen. Unfortunately, today we have to share some tough news, and ask for your help.

Roxie Valentine, a leader with Cliff Media, a women and queer-led porn production company, dishes on her recent experience starring in two gangbang scenes. She explains how she prepared physically and emotionally in the days leading up to the event, including how she got over feeling nervous. She also describes conversations about enthusiastic consent with participants in advance of the scenes that helped put her at ease and create a safer environment. 

The gangbang scenes for Roxie were filled with sexual firsts, hot interactions, and some funny and awkward moments. Although being a trans woman is only a small part of her identity, it was one of the factors on her mind going into the event. Ultimately, Roxie’s comments before the scene and the culture of people in the group contributed to what she describes as a very positive experience. 

Roxie concludes with some recommendations for ensuring that, regardless of your gender identity, your first gangbang is a safe and rockin’ good time.

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GeeGee and Vanessa are both involved in kink and swinger communities, star in and direct porn, and have had partners of all genders. Yet, their answers to many of the questions end up being very different, a reminder that there is no one correct approach to sexuality but a whole world of options to explore. 

Questions include: 

“I haven’t been wanting sex lately because I’ve gained a lot of weight and I feel bad about my body. It’s hard to get it on while I’m feeling gross about myself. What can I do?” 

“My partner and I are starting to explore non-monogamy. They want to do a full-swap but I’m nervous that seeing them have sex with someone else will make me jealous. How do I move past this?” 

“I want to have sex with a friend who is trans but I’ve never done this. What do I call their body parts?”

“I can’t take anything bigger than a pinky finger in my ass. I’m a bi guy and I want to feel guys fuck me in the ass, but it’s still really painful for me. How do I get better at taking it?”

“My partner watches a lot of porn without me. Does this mean I’m not satisfying him? Is watching porn going to make him stop wanting me? Should I be worried?” 

“I have a crush on this girl but I don’t know how to ask her out. How do I make a move?”

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Both cocks that sometimes stay soft depending on the situation (e.g. with a new partner or during group sex) and cocks that are chronically soft (what doctors sometimes call “erectile dysfunction”) can be a source of embarrassment and frustration for dick owners. Steph, who has experienced life with a soft cock for many years now, describes their process of unlearning these negative emotions and reconnecting with their body. 

From feeling so embarrassed that Steph avoided sex in their marriage to enjoying a career as a sex worker, NSFW content creator and porn performer, Steph has traveled a long road to experience confidence and pleasure in their sexuality. They are now active with an organization called Soft Cock Week that offers support for people with soft cocks and advocates to undo the stigma and embarrassment. 

We close with some sex advice around how to have amazing sex without ever getting it up.

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David walks listeners through some of the basics, including how to find gangbang and orgy events and what to expect when you go. He also describes how he navigates the events as a young single guy and how he practices enthusiastic consent. Although David imagines potentially mixed responses if he told family and friends about his sexual adventures, he has found group sex to be a fun and life-affirming experience and encourages people who want to explore to give themselves permission to be happy. 

David closes with advice for other young single men about how to move past the nervous awkwardness and pursue group sex in a way that is positive, consensual and fun for themselves and other group participants. 

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Sexuality is a huge part of our complex personhood. It can be a source of spiritual pain, destroying our sense of self and disconnecting us from others. And, the exact same sex acts, when given different meaning, can bring joy, passion, self-confidence, and deep connection. 

In this episode, GeeGee shares their experience with sexual assault and its aftermath. In the months following the assault, GeeGee became hyper-sexual. This had a rough impact on their self-esteem and social life, including leading to a non-consensual encounter that left them struggling with long-term guilt. 

Eventually, GeeGee embarked on an intentional journey of personal healing, finding it in their heart to forgive both the person who assaulted them and themself. They learned that slutty sex itself was not the problem, but rather how they pursued sex and what it had meant in their lives. Today, GeeGee continues to have sex with lots of people, but through social connections and strong personal boundaries that are life-giving and positive. 

This episode steps away from the often over-simplified narrative of sexual assault. GeeGee’s story offers survivors a reminder that everyone processes and responds to trauma differently, including the nonlinear path of reclaiming a sense of autonomy and personal power.

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Many sex workers have spoken out against policies meant to “rescue” them from their chosen profession. Indeed, “the right to not be rescued” is one of the 6 rights identified by Sangram, a global sex worker organization. 

Through her years as a sex worker, Pixie has found personal power in the work, using her body and sexual creativity as a source of financial independence, Like 1 in 3 women, Pixie has survived sexual trauma; her sex work has helped her heal and reclaim her sexual agency. She also sees her clients experience healing and emotional growth through her work. 

In a society that tells us that our work is reproachable, Pixie offers affirmation and recommendations for sex workers looking to reclaim their personal power. 

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Both academic research and Steph’s personal and community experience suggest that forms of non-traditional sexuality, including kink, polyamory and queerness, are more prevalent among autistic people than the general public. Steph describes how BDSM kink allowed them to reconnect with their sexuality as they discovered the importance of novelty and sensation for the way they think and experience the world. 

Comfort with thinking outside social norms and communicating their feelings directly with others now helps Steph sustain successful polyamorous relationships. Their partner joins us off-camera to discuss ways they interact with Steph’s neurodivergent thinking and communication styles. 

This episode offers autistic people and their loved ones support and ideas in their journey of self-exploration and authentic sexual and romantic connections. 

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Madame X, a career-long nurse, joins us to discuss her experiences and perspectives on STIs. In her teens, Madame X contracted chlamydia. Without access to testing, she ended up finding out about the disease only after it had progressed to the point of needing hospitalization and causing irreparable damage to her reproductive organs. 

Although information about and access to testing has improved over the years, today Madame X continues to see barriers to STI testing both in her personal and professional experience. She identifies some of the structural problems that limit access to preventive sexual healthcare and also describes ways that patients can advocate for themselves and help each other to access care. 

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Although Orion has had anonymous gay sex for two decades, he is just beginning to explore dating queer people in the light of day. In this episode, Orion interviews Vanessa, asking questions for advice on effective, kind and respectful ways to approach queer dating. 

Vanessa is pansexual and has dated people of all genders, including queer and trans folks since she was 14. She caveats her perspective as limited to the life experience of a cisgender woman, including the suggestion that all dating interactions may be best approached from a beginner’s mindset, learning about each individual and their preferences. 

Her proposals for respectful approaches to dating also have some universal application, including for straight men.

While T.Max has always enjoyed being silly in playful hobbies like snowboarding and skateboarding, over the last few years, they have begun applying the same mentality to BDSM kink play. Far from the popular imagination of BDSM as whips and screaming submission in a dungeon, T.Max describes an approach to kink that includes flowers, giggles, candles and easy-going exploration. 

The approach to kink that T.Max describes is not for everyone, but it does offer an entry point to kink that may feel more accessible to many people. It also presents a mindset of curiosity and openness to asking and receiving no’s that allows for trying new things while still centering enthusiastic consent.

The transition from monogamy to polyamory can be rocky for people new to an idea that isn’t often represented in media and societal expectations. Adrian describes their first transition into open relationships, including their initial struggle with self-doubt and shame. Eventually, they found other polyamorous partners and developed self-acceptance around their relationship desires. They also continued learning through the experience of dating a previously monogamous partner and exploring polyamory for the first time. 

Today, Adrian leads a discussion and support group on health polyamory. Through this group, they have seen many couples new to polyamory studying and discussing how to enter this world. They share patterns they have observed and recommendations on how to best shed the “monogamy hangover” to enter into sustainable and positive non-monogamy.

Hazel uses a variety of communication strategies to prepare for scenes that range in their depth and formality depending on the circumstances. She shares the little card she keeps in her wallet to remind her of the categories of questions to check in about before play. She also describes the longer questionnaire she uses with more professional, complex scenes. Even with ample preparation, not every situation works for all participants; safe words, repair and aftercare are also important components of positive sex. 

These approaches may be most useful for people engaging in BDSM play, or producing or starring in porn. However, the ethos of extensive conversation before, during and after play can also apply to less kinky sexual play and vanilla romantic partnerships, wherein negotiation deepens connection and trust.

Everyone processes relationship jealousy and traumatic experiences, like sexual assault, differently. Some people find that avoiding situations that cause jealousy and avoiding situations that remind them of their past experiences of assault help them remain emotionally healthy.

While these strategies are useful for many, Vanessa shares a different, potentially unconventional approach she uses to release trauma, fear and jealousy. Rather than avoiding the jealousy-provoking or triggering experiences, she leans into them, exposing herself to them in intimate settings, asking her partners for help eroticizing them through kink and sexual play. 

Hearing intense details about the sexual activities of her partners and roleplaying with consensual non-consent (CNC) have allowed Vanessa to overcome years of struggle with these feelings. She offers recommendations for how this approach may be helpful for people exploring options to overcome fears like relationship abandonment and assault.

Orion Pax takes us on his journey of uncovering why he is so drawn to slutty women, especially women who have sex with anonymous men, attend adult theaters, or participate in gangbangs. He explains what emotional meaning and intimacy he derives from these relationships. He also shares how some relationships he thought were rooted in the woman’s authentic desire for slutting turned into something more monogamous. 

He concludes with lessons for how to identify women who authentically desire slutty sex and how to sustain healthy meaningful connections in this relationship style.

While there’s more acceptance and support of queer lives today that makes it a little easier and safer for young people to come out, there are still many parts of the country where being LGBTQ is hard or even dangerous. 

Local queer community leader, T.Max, came of age in conservative rural America in the 1980s where they coped with bullying and physical assault for perceived queerness by staying in the closet. Their story of survival and their choice to come out decades later at age 50 is relatable for young queer people struggling to survive today, as well as older adults exploring what T.Max refers to as a “second adolescence”.

Let’s get specific, folks. There’s a world of options for sexual connection and there’s no reason your sex and dating life needs to come to a screeching halt while you deal with the STI. 

In this episode, I share personal experiences after a recent STI, offering 10 hot ways to wait out an STI. You’ll hear about impact and power play, kink roleplays, dildo penetration, mutual masturbation, flirting adventures, compersion, romantic connection, and more. 

I hope you don’t have to experience STIs, but if you love being slutty like me, they’re a reality we just have to contend with, so we might as well have a roaring good time and learn some beautiful things about our partners and ourselves in the process.

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This episode’s guest, Orion Pax, now publicly identifies as pansexual, meaning he is attracted to people of all genders. However, for more than two decades, Orion had anonymous sex with other men. For much of that time, due to social stigma and pressures in his personal life, Orion kept these activities secret, exclusively had romantic relationships with women, and thought of himself as essentially straight.

Through two decades of experience, Orion has deep knowledge of the vast underground world of anonymous gay sex - in dark rooms, sometimes masked, sometimes behind gloryholes, sometimes in hotels, public bathrooms or parks. Orion describes the range of characters he’s met through these encounters, how people find each other, and what type of ads they post. 

We discuss what benefits men gain from this limbo zone between straight and queer life. Although some men eventually choose to come out as gay, bi or pansexual, we also explore how men who choose to stay in this limbo zone can think about their participation in the underground world in a way that is most supportive of their self-love and freedom.

Hazel Havoc and her husband have both separately performed in porn at different times throughout their relationship. This episode begins with a surprise story new both to the audience and Vanessa! When Hazel’s husband first attended a Cliff Media shoot, it was a big step for their relationship and brought up a lot of emotions. Hazel and her husband dive into the experience, explaining what came up for them at each step of the way, and how they navigated it together, including months later when the porn scenes came out with his many cumshots on display for millions of viewers. 

Hazel’s later foray into pro-domme work led to new stages in their relationship. Through experimentation, they learned to navigate the different compartments of their professional and personal sex lives. They also eventually found that their separate roles in porn have had a positive impact on their relationship and sexual connection. These lessons have broader implications for sustained erotic connection between romantic partners.

In this episode, Adrian Martin, a long-time community organizer with a foot in both worlds, explores how sex-positive community organizations and social groups can create a more inclusive environment for queer and trans participants. Adrian describes dynamics they have seen play out preventing queer and trans people from feeling supported in sex-positive spaces. They delve into examples of spaces where beautiful choices were made to create environments that were more inclusive of diverse genders and sexual orientations.

Unfortunately, the shame and silence surrounding masturbation can turn this healthy universal activity into a source of painful emotions. In this episode, Orion Pax shares his vulnerable personal journey with masturbation, including the function of masturbation at different points in his life and the root of his self-recriminating narratives about “me time”. Through affirmation from other people, Orion has since learned to accept his love of masturbation and noticed how the benefits of sexual self-care create ripple effects in other areas of life. 

Orion’s story is relatable for anyone who feels embarrassment or concern about their time spent masturbating. By ending a collective “don’t ask don’t tell” approach to masturbation, we can experience its benefits without getting dragged down by junk narratives about sexual self-care.

In this episode, we talk with a professional domme who has provided impact for years to participants coming to her for a safe and cathartic experience. Hazel Havoc describes the heady, consuming experience of “topspace” and “subspace”, the energy exchange that occurs in these altered headspaces, and the effect that going into top and subspace can have on both participants. She shares perspectives on the role of the top in observing and responding with care to the energy of the sub, as well as guidance for how both can take care of themselves afterwards. With the right approach, this form of kink play can be a profound and healing experience.

But that move can be terrifying and it’s no small feat. In this episode, I share instances in my life where I felt scared and ashamed about my identity and choices, and then eventually moved through the fear to be open about who I am. From choosing to become a solo parent through anonymous conception to becoming a hardcore porn performer, and more, I share the process of finding the courage to be honest about my life.

The episode concludes with three big lessons I’ve learned from these experiences of coming out that might help you on your own growing edge of sharing who you are with the world.

Yet, social norms make accessing this simple joy harder than it needs to be. In this podcast, we unpack junk narratives about which bodies, identities, relationship styles, or sexual activities are considered acceptable and reclaim the power of sexual freedom. 

Recent decades have brought meaningful progress in some areas of gender and sexuality, like greater acceptance of LGBTQ people in the institution of marriage and the workplace, and access to contraception that allows women more sexual freedom. Nonetheless, dominant cultural norms still perpetuate narrow ideas about who is desirable or worthy of love and what sexual practices are appropriate. Often, these subtle, pernicious ideas operate quietly beneath the surface and show up in our hearts as shame, isolation or fear.

How do we break free? How do we learn to be and love our whole authentic selves, to find the joy and pleasure in authenticity? How do we release the fear that who we are, how we love or what we desire is a problem? 

What do happiness and connection look like for people who don’t conform to idealized standards? How do we claim the power of sexual freedom for people who have a differently sized body, differently functioning brain, or different levels of mobility; people who work in the sex industry; or people who are slutty, kinky, old, Black or brown, transgender, or polyamorous? 

Cliff Media is a porn production company that invites people of all walks of life to share in the exciting, scary experiment of co-creating sex-positive spaces beyond fear and shame. We encourage all good-hearted people to participate, as long as they provide STI results, sign release forms, and show up with kindness, humility and a desire to grow. Together, we produce scenes that explore themes of loving community, healthy non-monogamy, joyful kink, and empowered female and queer sexuality. 

Porn is often derided as gratuitous indulgence in big boobs, hard dicks and offensive stereotypes. But if we set aside the way porn has been used by many mainstream companies and consider the medium itself, it’s actually an awesome opportunity. It’s perhaps the most widely viewed, intimate and uncensored medium, allowing creators to explore topics that go deep into our psyche, including:

• Shame and acceptance of our bodies and identities
• Diversity in romantic and sexual relationships
• Sexual health and ethics
• Sexual deviance, desire and kink
• Fear of rejection, judgment or loss
• Trauma and healing
• Joy, humor, kindness, and care, and
• The innate human longing for affection and belonging.

In this companion podcast, we dive deep into the topics that underlie our production work. Our host Vanessa Cliff, CEO of Cliff Media, talks with pornstars, participants in Cliff Media shoots, and other sex-positive community leaders.

Join us in the joy of being awkwardly human, naked and without pretence. Let’s get free.