From the outside, it looks like nothing happened.

But inside it?

You were doing that one task

over and over again.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

• Why ‘simple tasks’ don’t stay simple in real life
• What constant interruptions actually do to your brain
• How restarting a task repeatedly drains more than doing it once
• Why your brain doesn’t register effort — only completion
• The invisible load of managing kids, conflict, and tasks at the same time
• What happens when attention keeps getting split before anything finishes
• Why it feels like ‘I did nothing today’ when you were actually working all day
• How small tasks turn into identity stories like ‘I can’t follow through’
• The difference between a task not getting done… and never having the conditions to be done
• Why school holidays amplify this pattern

💭 This episode is for you if:

• You start the same task multiple times and never finish it
• You feel exhausted but can’t point to what you actually completed
• You’ve thought ‘this shouldn’t be this hard’
• You manage kids, tasks, and emotions all at once
• You feel like you’re constantly behind, even on small things
• You’ve labelled yourself as disorganised or bad at follow-through

🎁 Free Resource

ADHD Self-Test

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

🎧 Related Episodes

Too Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Be

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-be

Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Instead

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

The jokes land.

People laugh.

It looks like you’re coping.

But underneath it — something else is happening.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

• What’s actually happening when you default to self-deprecating humour
• Why ‘being funny about it’ can be a form of real-time regulation
• How overwhelm gets rewritten as ‘this is just who I am’
• The hidden role of impression management in social situations
• Why you leave interactions replaying everything you said
• What ‘cognitive downplaying’ looks like in everyday life
• How overcommitment + pressure turns into identity, not context
• Why nothing changes when you minimise what’s actually too much
• The moment it shifts from ‘this doesn’t work for me’ to ‘I am the problem’
• What it looks like to move the pressure off you — and back onto the situation

💭 This episode is for you if:

• You make jokes when you’re actually overwhelmed
• You leave social situations thinking ‘I did it again’
• You overcommit, then feel trapped in it
• You replay what you said and cringe later
• You’ve labelled yourself as ‘too much’, ‘chaotic’, or ‘bad at follow-through’
• You feel like you have to manage how others see you

🎁 Free Resource

ADHD Self-Test

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

If you’ve ever thought

‘is this just my personality… or something else?’

this is a helpful place to start.

🎧 Related Episodes

No, I Can’t Meditate. I’m Too Busy Dissociating

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-quick-reset-no-i-cant-meditate-im-too-busy-disassociating/

Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Instead

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste

.📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

replaying everything you said…

and everything you didn’t…

and somehow landed on

‘that felt off… was that me?’

this episode is for you.

Because this isn’t just about group chats.

Or school committees.

Or awkward conversations that go nowhere.

It’s about what happens when everyone in the room

is solving a different problem…

and no one realises it.

In this episode, we unpack the kind of interaction that looks normal on the surface — calm, polite, ‘reasonable’ — but leaves you carrying it for hours (or days). The replaying, the second-guessing, the quiet shift into ‘I must have handled that wrong.’

And why that feeling doesn’t mean what you think it means.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

• Why some conversations go in circles and never actually resolve
• What’s really happening when everyone sounds ‘right’ but nothing lands
• How different brains track completely different things in the same conversation
• Why tension builds even when no one is being openly confrontational
• The moment a conversation stops being about the topic — and becomes about identity
• Why you leave interactions with a version of yourself you didn’t walk in with
• How group chats split into side conversations (and why that regulates people)
• The hidden role of fairness, meaning, effort, and threat in communication
• Why your brain keeps replaying it later — even when it’s ‘over’
• What it actually means when something feels ‘off’ (and why that matters)

💭 This episode is for you if:

• You replay conversations long after they’ve finished
• You leave group chats feeling uncomfortable but can’t explain why
• You’ve thought ‘did I make that worse?’
• You pick up on tension that others seem to miss
• You feel responsible for smoothing things over (even when you didn’t start it)
• You carry interactions into your night, your drive, your quiet moments

🎁 Free Resource

ADHD Self-Test

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

If you’ve ever wondered

‘Why do I experience conversations like this?’

this is a helpful starting point.

🎧 Related Episodes

Why You Keep Waking at 3am — And It’s Not Just Anxiety

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-26-why-you-keep-waking-at-3am-and-its-not-just-anxiety/

Why You’re Bad at Asking for Help and What to Do Instead

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-18-quick-reset-why-youre-bad-at-asking-for-help-and-what-to-do-inste

Too Exhausted to Be the Parent You Want to Be

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/too-exhausted-to-be-the-parent-you-want-to-be

stepped back…

even taken a break…

and you still feel on edge — this episode is for you.

Because this is the part no one explains.

When nothing is ‘wrong’ anymore…

but your body is still acting like it is.

In this episode, we unpack what happens when stress isn’t the thing driving your anxiety — and why removing the load doesn’t always create relief. If you’ve ever wondered ‘is this just who I am?’ this conversation will shift how you see it.

🧠 What We Cover in This Episode:

1. What it means when anxiety doesn’t go away after removing pressure
2. Why ‘just rest’ doesn’t work for everyone
3. The moment you realise it’s not the situation — it’s the pattern
4. How your nervous system can run rules that don’t match your current life
5. The difference between stress-based overwhelm and pattern-based overwhelm
6. Why unclear expectations quietly keep you in a constant state of alert
7. What ‘predictive patterns’ look like in real life (and why they stick)
8. Why insight alone doesn’t change how your body responds
9. What actually helps your system settle — and why it’s not what you think

💭 This episode is for you if:

1. You’ve reduced stress but still feel constantly ‘on’
2. You’ve wondered ‘why am I like this?’
3. Rest doesn’t seem to touch the feeling in your body
4. You feel worse when things are quiet, not better
5. You carry a constant mental load even when nothing urgent is happening
6. You feel immediate relief when things are clearly defined

🎁 Free Resource

ADHD Self-Test

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

If you’re sitting in that space of

‘is this anxiety… or something else?’

this is the clearest place to start.

🎧 Related Episodes

CONFESSIONS: Things I Can’t Say at the Playground

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-55-confessions-things-i-cant-say-at-the-playground/

Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

It’s mornings that feel impossible.

A child who won’t go.

Or can’t go.

And suddenly the question changes from

'how do we fix this?'

to

'where do we go now?'

WHAT WE COVER

– What actually happens when mainstream school stops working

– Why some children aren’t ‘failing school’ — the system is failing them

– The reality of alternative education (and the myths that scare parents)

– Why behaviour often looks worse before safety is built

– What smaller, relationship-based learning environments do differently

– How to know if an alternative pathway might be right for your child

– Why some kids return to mainstream — and some never should

WHY THIS EPISODE MATTERS

There’s a gap no one talks about.

Between

‘just try another school’

and

‘we can’t do this anymore’

And most parents fall straight into it

with no map.

This episode gives you language for that moment

and shows you what actually exists on the other side.

WHAT ALTERNATIVE EDUCATION ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE

Not a ‘last resort’.

Not a room full of ‘problem kids’.

But often:

– smaller class sizes

– built-in sensory supports (not earned, not restricted)

– flexible timetables

– relationship-first teaching

– success measured beyond academics

Where safety comes before compliance

and connection comes before curriculum.

WHAT PARENTS OFTEN DON’T GET TOLD

Alternative settings aren’t easier.

They’re different.

– Enrolment is often selective and thorough

– Not every child is the right fit for every setting

– There are waitlists

– And options are limited depending on location

But when it works

it can completely change a child’s trajectory.

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF

– Your child is anxious, refusing, or shutting down at school

– You’ve tried multiple schools and nothing is improving

– You’ve been told ‘this is just how school is’

– You’re wondering if there are other pathways

– You’re scared of making the wrong call

🎧 RELATED EPISODES

When School Becomes the Trauma – School Series

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/

The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say ‘We Don’t See It’

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/

Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/

📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:

The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parents

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/

Quiet Exclusion Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/

School Advocacy Hub of Resources

https://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

They’re walking.

Talking.

Eating on the move.

And someone says it.

'We didn’t have this ADHD thing when we had kids.'

And just like that, it stops being about lunch

and starts feeling like it’s about you.

Because what sounds casual

lands like doubt.

WHAT WE COVER

– Why 'we didn’t have ADHD back then' still shows up in families

– What people see vs the invisible regulation work parents are doing

– Familiarity bias and why ADHD gets dismissed as 'normal'

– The concept of 'load blindness' in parenting

– Why ADHD is more visible now (not more common)

– How modern expectations make differences harder to hide

– Why not forcing the battle is sometimes the most regulated choice

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF

– You’ve felt judged in everyday moments like meals or outings

– Someone has questioned your child’s ADHD

– You’re doing constant behind-the-scenes regulation work

– You’ve second-guessed yourself after family comments

– You’re trying to support your child without turning everything into a battle

EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/

CONFESSIONS: Things I Can’t Say at the Playground

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-55-confessions-things-i-cant-say-at-the-playground/

WHAT THE RESEARCH TELLS US

ADHD hasn’t suddenly appeared.

One of the most cited global studies (175 studies analysed) shows prevalence has remained relatively stable — we’re just better at recognising it now.

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/135/4/e994/33967/Prevalence-of-Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity

Australian data tells a similar story.

Children are entering school with a wider range of developmental profiles — particularly in communication and regulation.

https://www.aedc.gov.au/resources/detail/2021-aedc-national-report

This isn’t about kids being 'worse'.

It’s about environments, expectations and visibility.

HELPFUL LINKS

Free ADHD Resources

https://adhdmums.com.au/resources/

Advocacy Hub

https://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/

'There weren't kids like this when I was at school.'

Or the slightly more polite version:

'Why are there suddenly so many ADHD kids now?'

And if you're a parent of a neurodivergent child, you've probably heard this one too:

'Maybe it's just screens.'

This episode pulls that myth apart.

Because the truth is far more complex — and far more interesting.

ADHD didn't suddenly appear in the last 20 years.

What has changed is how classrooms work, what children are expected to do inside them, and how visible neurodivergence becomes when the environment shifts.

In this episode, we unpack one of the biggest myths about ADHD and neurodivergence:

Are there actually more neurodivergent children now?

Or are we finally recognising what was always there?

WHAT WE COVER

– The myth that 'there were no ADHD kids in the past'

– Why increased diagnosis does not mean ADHD is suddenly more common

– How modern classrooms have changed dramatically over the last 30 years

– Why language demands in early schooling are much higher than they used to be

– What happens when school expectations exceed a child's nervous system capacity

– The difference between developmental opportunity and underlying neurodevelopmental differences

– Why early learning environments play a crucial role in supporting neurodivergent kids

– The societal changes affecting children's development, play and independence

– How pandemic stress and modern family pressure has reshaped childhood environments

– Why blaming screens oversimplifies a much bigger developmental conversation

WHAT THE RESEARCH ACTUALLY SAYS

One of the most cited global studies on ADHD prevalence analysed 175 international studies and found that ADHD rates have remained relatively stable over time.

What has changed is recognition and diagnosis, not the existence of neurodivergent children.

Global prevalence research:

https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/135/4/e994/33967/Prevalence-of-Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity

This systematic review, published in Pediatrics, remains one of the most widely referenced papers estimating ADHD prevalence worldwide.

WHAT WE ARE SEEING IN AUSTRALIA

In Australia, population-level data also tells an important story.

The Australian Early Development Census tracks developmental vulnerability across the country and consistently shows that many children are entering school with developmental differences in communication, emotional regulation and social skills.

AEDC National Report:

https://www.aedc.gov.au/resources/detail/2021-aedc-national-report

Importantly, developmental vulnerability does not mean something is 'wrong' with a child.

It tells us that children's environments, expectations and support systems all interact with how development unfolds.

And when school expectations increase, differences often become more visible.

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF

– You have heard someone say 'there weren't kids like this when we were growing up'

– You're navigating an ADHD diagnosis and feeling overwhelmed by misinformation

– You're trying to explain neurodivergence to family members who don't understand

– Your child struggles in modern classrooms but thrives in other environments

– You've wondered whether society has changed more than children have

– You want research-backed information about ADHD prevalence

MORE ABOUT SALLY GALLOWAY & KAT MARRINGTON

Kat Marrington (Speech Pathologist) at www.Talkiplay.com

Sally Galloway (Occupational Therapist) at www.sallygalloway.com.au

FREE ADHD RESOURCES

If you're exploring ADHD for yourself or your child, these free tools can help.

ADHD Self-Test

A quick screening tool to help adults identify whether ADHD traits might be worth exploring further.

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-self-test/

Free ADHD Resources

Guides, articles and practical support for ADHD families.

https://adhdmums.com.au/resources/

The child throwing chairs.

The child refusing to sit down.

The child who can't stay quiet.

But there is another group of kids.

The ones who sit still.

The ones who follow instructions.

The ones teachers describe as 'lovely', 'polite', or 'no trouble at all'.

And those are often the kids quietly falling apart.

Because when a child internalises stress instead of showing it outwardly, the education system often doesn't see the struggle at all.

In this episode we unpack what happens to internalising kids inside classrooms — why their needs are frequently missed, and what parents can actually do when the system isn't built to notice them.

We also talk honestly about advocacy, complaints, and the uncomfortable reality that change inside the education system rarely happens unless parents create pressure.

If your child looks fine at school but collapses at home, this conversation will likely feel very familiar.

WHAT WE COVER

– Why internalising kids are often invisible inside classroom systems

– The difference between externalising behaviour and internalised stress

– Why schools often rely on children to 'ask for help' even when that is neurologically difficult

– Practical adjustments teachers can make that reduce invisible pressure for internalising students

– How parents can translate what works at home into classroom supports

– Why documenting school failures matters for long-term systemic change

– How complaint processes to regional education offices actually work

– Why data from parents is one of the only ways the education system changes

– The difficult decision many families face when schools push children out

– Why expulsion data matters for education policy reform

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

– Your child looks like they are coping at school but falls apart at home

– School says 'they seem fine here' but you know the effort it takes for your child to get through the day

– You have an internalising child who doesn't speak up about their needs

– You're navigating school refusal or burnout

– You've considered making a complaint about your child's school but don't know where to start

– You're trying to advocate for your child inside a system that feels impossible to change

Find out more about Bronnie Hammond Vale here

https://www.honeycombadvocacy.com/

📬 Check out my Free Resource Mentioned in THIS EPISODE

The School Complaint & Escalation Guide for Parents

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/school-complaint-escalation-guide/

School Advocacy Hub of Resources

https://adhdmums.com.au/advocacy/

Episodes Mentioned in This Episode

Camouflaging ADHD & Autistic Traits in Girls (with Millie Carr)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/replay-s1-episode-41-camouflaging-adhd-autistic-traits-in-girls-with-millie-carr-re-release/

Neurodiverse Classrooms (with Millie Carr)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-33-neurodiverse-classrooms-with-millie-carr/

When School Becomes the Trauma – School Series

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/

The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say “We Don’t See It” – School Series

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

'Wish I had more like her'

'No issues here.'

But every afternoon at 3pm something else happens.

The car door shuts.

And the child who 'had a great day' collapses.

The meltdown doesn't start at school.

It starts when the mask comes off.

For many Mums, this creates a strange kind of confusion.

School says everything is fine.

But home tells a completely different story.

In this episode we unpack the cost of being the 'good' student — the child who holds it together in the classroom while quietly burning through their nervous system capacity all day.

Because when struggle isn't loud, it often gets missed.

And the kids who look like they are coping the best are sometimes the ones paying the highest price.

WHAT WE COVER

– Why the child who 'behaves well' can still be in serious distress

– The difference between internalising and externalising stress in classrooms

– How masking hides the real effort many neurodivergent kids are using just to get through the day

– Why teachers often don't see the struggle happening under the surface

– The after-school collapse and what it actually tells you about capacity

– Why asking a child to 'just speak up' about their needs doesn't work for many autistic and ADHD kids

– How small classroom adjustments can dramatically reduce invisible stress

– Why trust between teacher and student matters more than most people realise

– The structural limits inside school systems that leave internalising kids unsupported

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

– Your child is described as a 'model student' but falls apart the moment they get home

– School says everything is fine but your child is exhausted, anxious or melting down daily

– Your child masks heavily in public but collapses in safe spaces

– You've been told your child just needs to 'ask for help' at school

– You feel like your child's struggles aren't visible enough to be taken seriously

– You're trying to support a child who carries everything internally

Find out more about Bronnie Hammond Vale here

https://www.honeycombadvocacy.com/

📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:

The School Choice Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/

Quiet Exclusion Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/

📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:

Making School Work – Parent Guide

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

You’ve attended the meetings.

You’ve tried to be calm, collaborative, reasonable.

And nothing changes.

Then suddenly something serious happens — a suspension, an incident, a formal complaint — and overnight the school moves quickly.

So what just happened?

This episode unpacks the moment many ADHD mums eventually hit: the point where being reasonable stops working — and why that happens inside the school system.

Because for many families, the problem isn’t communication.

It’s understanding what schools actually respond to, what they quietly ignore, and how the system itself shapes those responses.

WHAT WE COVER

1. Why being calm, collaborative and ‘reasonable’ often doesn’t move schools
2. What schools actually respond to — and what gets quietly ignored
3. Why emotional emails and long explanations often backfire
4. The reality behind ‘reasonable adjustments’ under Australian education law
5. Why some adjustments are refused even when they appear simple
6. The funding model most parents have never heard of: NCCD
7. Why teachers may genuinely say they can’t do something — even when it seems obvious
8. The difference between fairness and inclusion in schools
9. When escalating a complaint becomes necessary (and how to do it properly)
10. Why documentation, meeting notes and evidence matter far more than emotion

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

1. You feel like you’ve been polite, patient and collaborative… and nothing has changed
2. Your child’s school says they ‘can’t’ implement adjustments that seem reasonable
3. You’ve asked for incident reports or documentation and never received them
4. Meetings feel confusing or adversarial
5. You’re not sure when to keep negotiating and when to escalate
6. You’re trying to advocate for your child without becoming ‘that parent’

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST

Sara Hocking

Educational disability advocate supporting families navigating school discrimination, failed adjustments and escalation processes.

Sarah works directly with families across Australia dealing with school-based disability support issues and understands both the legal framework and the practical realities of how schools respond.

LEGISLATION REFERENCED

Disability Discrimination Act 1992 (Cth)

Disability Standards for Education 2005 (Cth)

These laws outline the obligation for Australian schools to provide reasonable adjustments for students with disability, provided those adjustments do not create an unjustifiable hardship for the school.

FUNDING MODEL MENTIONED

Nationally Consistent Collection of Data on School Students with Disability (NCCD)

The NCCD is the Australian Government framework used to determine funding and support levels for students with disability in schools.

Many parents assume funding follows their child directly to the school.

In reality, the system is far more complex — and often much less transparent.

FIND SARA HERE

Sara Hocking – Educational Disability Advocate

www.seebeyondau.org

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES

🎧 When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/

🎧 Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems

https://adhdmums.com.au/raising-strong-children/

FREE PARENT RESOURCES

📘 The School Choice Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/

SHARE YOUR SCHOOL EXPERIENCE

If you’ve experienced school pushback, refused adjustments, or confusing processes around disability support, you can share your experience here:

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Your experiences help shape future episodes and resources for other ADHD mums navigating the same systems.

If you’ve ever thought, ‘But she’s so lovely… why isn’t this working?’ I explore this massive question wth Bronnie Hammond-Vale.

This episode is for you.

WHY THIS MATTERS

Sometimes the problem is the gap between teacher intention and system capacity.

A teacher can care deeply.

A teacher can try hard.

A teacher can be doing their best in a room full of kids who all need something different.

And still… your child keeps escalating, shutting down, falling apart, or being labelled as ‘behavioural’.

Not because your kid is the problem.

And not because the teacher doesn’t care.

But because the system is rigid, under-resourced, and built for compliance — not regulation, flexibility, or neurodivergent reality.

WHAT WE COVER

1. The ‘she’s lovely… but it’s still not working’ gap (teacher intention vs system capacity)
2. Why teachers end up buying sensory tools and resources with their own money
3. What school funding often gets spent on instead (and why it’s not always what kids need)
4. Why neurodivergent supports should be universal, not ‘special’ (the wobble chair example)
5. How rigid systems create the ‘bad behaviour’ narrative when teachers don’t have tools
6. Why fear-based discipline ‘worked’ back then (and why it’s not motivation — it’s trauma)
7. The missing piece: what teachers can do (scripts, toolkits, repair) when punishment is off the table
8. Why a child walking out can be a skill, not ‘truancy’ — and what a supportive response looks like

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

1. Your child likes their teacher but school is still going downhill
2. You’re stuck between ‘they’re trying’ and ‘this is not working’
3. You’re watching schools spend money on optics while teachers fund basics
4. You’ve been told your child is ‘naughty’ when you know it’s dysregulation
5. You’re exhausted from advocating and still feel like nothing changes
6. You want practical, real-world strategies that work in a classroom of 30 — not theory

Find out more about Bronnie Hammond Vale here

https://www.honeycombadvocacy.com/

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES

🎙️ When Teachers Care — But the System Still Breaks Kids

🎧 1️⃣ When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/

🎧 2️⃣ SCHOOL SERIES – When School Becomes the Trauma

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/s2-ep2-school-series-when-school-becomes-the-trauma-what-no-one-tells-adhd-parents/

🎧 3️⃣ IEP Meetings Are Broken — Here’s What to Say Instead

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-9-when-the-iep-meeting-feels-like-a-battle-you-didnt-ask-for/

🎧 4️⃣ Being Judged for Choosing Understanding Over Punishment

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/being-judged-adhd-discipline-myth

📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:

Bullying Response Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bullying-response-kit-adhd-mums/

The School Choice Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/

ADHD School Prep Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-school-prep-kit/

Quiet Exclusion Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/quiet-exclusion-kit/

Explaining ADHD to Kids – Parents Guide

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/

📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:

Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

There’s a plan. There are ‘adjustments’.

And yet your child is still escalating… and suddenly the school is hinting at removal, reduced hours, or ‘this isn’t the right setting’.

This episode is the practical middle bit no one gives you:

When a plan exists, but it’s either the wrong plan — or it’s not actually being applied.

WHY THIS MATTERS

When a school says ‘the plan isn’t working’, it often gets translated as ‘your child is the problem’.

But plans fail for predictable reasons:

1. they’re too big and unworkable in a class of 28
2. no one is actually implementing them consistently
3. teachers don’t understand the ‘why’ behind the strategies
4. the plan ignores language processing, sensory load, or demand avoidance
5. there’s no review cycle, no accountability, no data, just documentation
6. the teacher doesn't have the capacity to implement the plan in the classroom due to numbers and workload.

And when the plan becomes a ‘set and forget’ document, you get stuck in a dangerous loop:

‘We tried everything’ → escalation continues → the child gets labelled → exclusion gets normalised.

WHAT WE COVER

1. Why an IEP is a start, not a manual
2. How ‘too many strategies at once’ makes a plan fail fast
3. What to ask when the school says ‘we’ve tried everything’
4. How to check if staff actually understand what’s on the plan
5. Why ‘accommodation’ can trigger teacher resistance — and how ‘considerations’ changes the tone
6. The missing piece in most behaviour plans: language processing and communication load
7. How literal thinking, vague instructions, and high language demand can create ‘refusal’ and shutdown
8. How to build accountability into the plan (review dates, outcomes, roles, communication method)
9. Red flags that the school has decided your child is ‘too hard’
10. Green flags that the team is still in curiosity, collaboration, and problem-solving
11. Orchid vs dandelion kids: when pushing through builds resilience, and when it becomes trauma

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

1. your child has a plan at school but behaviour is still escalating
2. you keep hearing ‘we’re doing everything’ but nothing changes
3. the teacher looks overwhelmed and the plan feels impossible in real life
4. your child gets labelled ‘defiant’ or ‘refusing’ and you suspect it’s processing/demand/safety
5. you’re trying to work out ‘do we persist or do we leave?’
6. you want practical language for meetings without becoming ‘that mum’

MORE ABOUT SALLY GALLOWAY & KAT MARRINGTON

Kat Marrington (Speech Pathologist) at www.Talkiplay.com

Sally Galloway (Occupational Therapist) at www.sallygalloway.com.au

🎧 EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS TRANSCRIPT

1️⃣ When School Decides Your Child Is the Problem

https://adhdmums.com.au/adhd-podcast-episodes/when-school-decides-your-child-is-the-problem/

2️⃣ Vanessa LaPointe Episode

Grieving the Child You Imagined — While Loving the One in Front of You

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/parenting-grief-adhd-mums

3️⃣ Resilience vs Trauma Episode (Emma Rose)

Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems

https://adhdmums.com.au/raising-strong-children/

🌸 ORCHID & DANDELION REFERENCE

Dr W. Thomas Boyce

Developmental paediatrician and author of The Orchid and the Dandelion

Boyce, W. T. (2019). The Orchid and the Dandelion: Why Sensitive Children Face Challenges and How All Can Thrive. Knopf.

📬 Check out my Free Resources on Schools:

Bullying Response Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/bullying-response-kit-adhd-mums/

The School Choice Kit

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/the-school-choice-kit/

Explaining ADHD to Kids – Parents Guide

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/explaining-adhd-to-kids-parents-guide/

📬 Check out my Paid Resource on Schools:

Making School Work – Parent Guide ($20)

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/making-school-work-parent-guide/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

You walk in expecting support. Adjustments. Solutions.

But then different words start appearing.

‘Safety.’

‘Impact on others.’

‘Capacity.’

‘We’ve tried everything.’

And you can feel the shift before you fully understand it.

You start thinking:

How did this go from help… to risk?

WHY THIS MATTERS

ADHD mums are already carrying invisible labour, school advocacy, therapy coordination, and the emotional regulation of the entire household.

So when a school meeting shifts tone, it doesn’t land as ‘this is complex.’

It lands as threat.

Threat that your child is being positioned as the problem.

Threat that you’re about to be performance-managed as a parent.

Threat that exclusion is quietly being prepared.

And once the language moves from support to safety, your nervous system knows what’s coming — even if no one has said it yet.

This episode unpacks that shift.

What it actually means.

And what you can do before the door quietly closes.

WHAT WE COVER

1. The early signs a school is moving from inclusion to managing out
2. How ‘we’ve tried everything’ often means the plan was never implemented properly
3. Why perceived defiance and PDA profiles trigger exclusion faster than quiet masking
4. What ‘regulated and choosing it’ misunderstands about neurodivergent distress
5. The difference between documentation for support and documentation for removal
6. How modified timetables, wellbeing days, and shortened hours become informal exclusion
7. What to ask for when supports ‘aren’t working’
8. How to request IEP reviews, fidelity checks, and functional behaviour assessments
9. Why building your own paper trail (including positives) matters

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

1. You’ve left a school meeting feeling blindsided
2. You’re getting more ‘pick up’ calls and reduced hours
3. Your child is being described as ‘defiant’ rather than overwhelmed
4. You’re hearing leadership speak more than classroom teachers
5. You’re scared you’re about to lose your child’s placement
6. You’re trying to advocate without burning the entire system down

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES

🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: When School Stops Feeling Safe

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-19-when-school-stops-being-safe/

🎧 SCHOOL SERIES: Your Child Isn’t ‘Acting Out’ — They’re Burning Out

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-5-school-series-your-child-isnt-acting-out-theyre-burning-out/

🎧 You’re Not ‘That Mum’ — You Learned to Protect Your Child at School

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/youre-not-that-mum-back-to-school-edition

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://bit.ly/3ZQl0O8

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

You’re functioning. Packing lunches. Showing up. Holding it together.

But quietly, inside, you’ve started believing:

‘This is just how it is for me.’

WHY THIS MATTERS

ADHD mums carry more correction, more visible mistakes, more invisible labour, more system friction.

So when something goes wrong, it doesn’t land as ‘that was hard.’

It lands as proof.

Proof you’re behind.

Proof you’re failing.

Proof this is who you are.

And once shame becomes the explanation, your brain stops looking for options.

Not because you don’t want change.

Because the load is already too high.

WHAT WE COVER

1. The difference between a victim moment and a victim identity
2. Why ADHD conditioning makes shame feel factual
3. How ‘nothing works in our house anyway’ protects you from hope
4. The motherhood shame loop that quietly shrinks your life
5. Why waiting for fairness before you move will keep costing you
6. Responsibility without blame — and why that matters
7. The one question that reopens possibility without forcing action

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

1. You’ve stopped trying in one area because failing again feels unbearable
2. You feel resentful but also guilty for feeling resentful
3. You avoid things before they even go wrong
4. You tell yourself you’re ‘just bad at this stage’
5. Being validated feels relieving… but nothing changes afterwards

RELATED ADHD MUMS EPISODES

🎧 Hidden Cost of Being The Good Girl

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/goodgirlcost/

🎧 When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

🎧 The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

🎙️ Ask a Listener Question (voice)

Voice notes are preferred when possible — hearing your voice helps add context — but you’re very welcome to submit a written question instead.

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://bit.ly/3ZQl0O8

✍️ Ask a Listener Question (written)

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

👥 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmumspodcast

The kind where everything is technically ‘fine’… until the TV is on, someone’s making mouth noises, a child is asking 400 questions, another one is humming, and your body is trying to exit the situation through the nearest wall.

We talk a lot about overstimulation like it’s a personal flaw. Like you should be calmer. More patient. Better regulated. But what if you’re not failing at regulation… you’re just carrying too much regulation load?

In this conversation with Rachel Few, we get painfully practical about what actually helps when you’re at the edge. Not in an ideal world. In a real ADHD household, with real kids, real noise, real time pressure, and real limits.

WHAT WE COVER

– Why overstimulation is not a single moment, but a build-up across days

– The ‘therapy taxi’ burnout cycle and how it dysregulates the whole family

– Why regulation strategies fail when they become another to-do list

– Nervous system mapping: learning your early warning signs before the snap

– ‘Recipe building’ for families: planning around needs, not just appointments

– Why yelling and snapping usually starts earlier than you think

– PDA-aware approaches: when direct help makes things worse

– Side-step regulation tools that don’t rely on compliance

– Real-life resets (including the candle trick, which sounds unhinged until you try it)

– Why acceptance is sometimes the missing strategy, not another technique

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

– you feel overstimulated before 7am and then blame yourself for it

– your household escalates fast and you don’t know where it starts

– you’re carrying the clean-up after every meltdown (emotional or literal)

– you’re exhausted from scanning for hunger, sensory triggers, and ‘what could go wrong’

– you’re parenting a PDA-ish child and standard advice backfires

– you keep thinking ‘once we get the right support, it will all be fine’ and then it isn’t

– you want tools that actually work when you’re already at your limit

RELATED EPISODES

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/

When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

RESOURCES & REFERENCES

– For more information on Rachel Few - see here

-PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) is mentioned in the episode

– Maternal mental health research is referenced (mum’s mental health as a key predictor for child wellbeing)

LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITY

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on?

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For shared language, lived experience, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

Because the paperwork looks fine.

The report cards look fine.

Your life looks fine.

And you’re standing there knowing that ‘fine’ is exactly what disqualifies you.

This is the ADHD myth as it actually lands. Not as a hot take online — but as a private internal audit that starts the second you consider asking for help.

It’s the voice that says: ‘Everyone says they have ADHD now, don’t they?’

And the way your body believes it before you even get to answer back.

WHAT WE COVER

– The ‘good school report’ trap and why it makes women doubt themselves

– Why visible competence is often just quiet compensation

– How anxiety, eating disorders, burnout and depression get missed when you’re not disruptive

– The internal investigation ADHD mums run before they ever ask for help

– Why ‘you’ve managed this long’ lands as dismissal, not reassurance

– How vigilance gets trained in childhood and then masquerades as personality

– Why gender shifts the cost of impulsivity, mistakes, and social timing

– How hypervigilance becomes the price of belonging

– Why motherhood doesn’t create the load, it exposes it

– The difference between being tired and constantly compensating

– How media narratives about ADHD being a ‘trend’ reinforce silence and shame

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

– you have ‘good’ school reports and still feel like you’re drowning

– you rehearse what to say before appointments so you don’t sound ‘dramatic’

– you minimise automatically and tell yourself other people have it worse

– you’ve been called controlling when you’re actually doing risk management

– you feel embarrassed even seeking an assessment

– you relate to being ‘a pleasure to have in class’ while quietly falling apart

– you’ve carried the mental load for years and only now it’s breaking through

RELATED EPISODES

You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/

Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible (Partners)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible/

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

RESOURCES & REFERENCES

– ADHD in women and girls: internalising presentations and delayed identification

– Burnout, anxiety and depression as common outcomes of long-term compensation

– The impact of social conditioning and gender expectations on symptom visibility

LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITY

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

Send me a WhatsApp voice message here:

https://wa.me/61403457313

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on?

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For shared language, lived experience, and conversations with other mums who don’t need convincing.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

It’s about the exhaustion that doesn’t come from doing one hard thing — but from having to remember everything, explain everything, repeat everything, and stay emotionally available while your own capacity is already gone.

For many ADHD mums, the hardest part of advocacy isn’t the paperwork. It’s being the living filing cabinet. The one who holds every report, every strategy, every update, every change — and is expected to access it on demand, usually at the worst possible time.

This conversation with Letitia from Understanding Zoe explores what happens when that load becomes unsustainable, why school pickup can feel like a threat to your nervous system, and how repetition and emotional labour quietly push mums toward burnout.

WHAT WE COVER

– Why repeated conversations and ‘quick questions’ drain capacity faster than admin

– The invisible emotional cost of being the default advocate

– School pickup as a nervous system stressor, not a social moment

– Why mums freeze when asked for information they technically ‘know’

– How mental load is reinforced by systems, not personality

– The guilt and self-blame that comes with forgetting details

– How AI can act as a second brain instead of another demand

– Using technology to reduce repetition without losing control or privacy

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU IF…

– school pickup makes your shoulders rise before you even get there

– you dread being asked for strategies when your window of tolerance is closed

– you’ve handed advocacy to a partner and it somehow comes back bigger

– you feel like you’re supposed to know everything about your child, always

– you freeze when asked questions because your brain has already hit capacity

– you’re tired of being ‘so capable’ while quietly burning out

When this load isn’t named, ADHD mums internalise it.

They assume they should cope better.

They blame themselves for forgetting.

They keep tabs open because closing them feels risky.

Over time, the nervous system never gets a break. Not because mums don’t rest — but because responsibility never fully leaves their body.

This episode reframes that experience. Not as failure. Not as disorganisation. But as what happens when one person becomes the emotional interface between systems that don’t talk to each other.

RESOURCES & REFERENCES

Understanding Zoe platform - check it out here

Why ADHD Mums Can’t Relax — Even When It’s Quiet

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

ADHD Mums Energy Accounting Guide (Free)

https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

LISTENER QUESTIONS & COMMUNITY

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on?

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For shared language, lived experience, and conversations with other mums who don’t need it explained.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

The moment is familiar. A partner asks about milk, school times, or whether it’s ‘okay’ to do something. The question isn’t urgent. It isn’t unreasonable. But it lands as work. Not because the mum is controlling or irritable, but because her brain is already running the system. This episode names what that interruption really costs, and why it keeps getting misread as an attitude problem instead of a capacity one.

In This Episode, We Cover

– How everyday questions quietly route responsibility to the same person

– Why being ‘just asked’ is not neutral when one brain is already saturated

– The social script that frames overload as impatience or moodiness

– How certainty-seeking in one partner becomes burnout in the other

– Why ADHD mums become the household search engine without consenting to the role

– The cumulative cost of interruption, not the content of the question

This Episode Is For You If

– You snap at small questions and immediately feel guilty

– You’re praised for being flexible while your capacity keeps shrinking

– You notice that decisions default to you, even when others could decide

– You dread interaction because it so often turns into another task

– You’ve been told you’re overreacting when your body is already at its limit

When this pattern stays unnamed, ADHD mums adapt quietly. They answer questions they shouldn’t have to answer. They decide things prematurely just to stop the interruption. They carry responsibility they never agreed to carry. Over time, the brain never gets to rest. It stays on duty, waiting for the next drop.

What looks like a communication issue is often a structural one. When every uncertainty is routed through the same nervous system, exhaustion becomes inevitable. Naming that isn’t withdrawal. It’s a refusal to keep absorbing costs that were never meant to be individual.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

This episode sits with the grief of the unlived motherhood — the version of parenting that was imagined, planned for, and socially rewarded, and then slowly dismantled by reality. Not because the mum did anything wrong, but because parenting did not arrive as promised, and the cost of adjusting was absorbed almost entirely by her.

In This Episode, We Cover

– Realising the life you planned no longer fits

– Changing schools, routines, and priorities without calling it loss

– Supporting children while privately missing your old life

– Being told to be grateful while something keeps breaking

– Noticing the grief surface long after the decision is made

– Carrying expectations that don’t match daily reality

This Episode Is For You If

– Mornings don’t look how you thought they would

– Your days are built around needs you didn’t anticipate

– You’ve adjusted plans more times than you can count

– You support your family while missing parts of yourself

– You’re functioning, but something feels quietly unfinished

Related Episodes

You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/

Curated Related Links

The Orchid and the Dandelion — Thomas Boyce

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614459-the-orchid-and-the-dandelion

Dr. Vanessa LaPointe — Official Website

https://drvanessalapointe.com

The Unlived Life of the Parent — Carl Jung (concept reference)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201112/the-unlived-life

The Work — Byron Katie

https://thework.com

This isn’t weakness.

This is adaptation under pressure.

Mums are doing impossible things every day — and still standing.

If this tips, it’ll be because I waited too long.

That’s how the morning starts.

There’s a clock running. Shoes half on. Bags not where they should be. One kid slowing down, another winding up. Nothing’s happened yet, but the margin’s already thin. I step in early, before anyone else thinks it’s necessary, and it gets read straight away as 'being grumpy.'

In This Episode, We Cover

1. The internal belief that responsibility defaults inward before the day begins
2. How a single morning escalation under time pressure is interpreted differently by those around you
3. What it’s like to step in early and have that read as impatience or control
4. The moment intervention happens before anything has officially gone wrong

This Episode Is For You If

1. Mornings feel loaded before the first decision is made
2. You act early because the margin already feels thin
3. Your responses are misread in real time by others
4. You carry the sense that if it falls apart, it’s on you

Related Episodes

Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

The morning doesn’t resolve. There’s no clean ending attached to it. Just the moment being seen while it’s still happening.

Not as overreaction.

Not as a set of steps.

As regulation under load, in real time, with the clock already ticking.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

Everyone’s still chatting, still comfortable, and your body’s already tightening.

You know if you stay, you’ll be the one dealing with what comes next.

It’s that familiar moment where nothing’s happened yet, but you’re already bracing for the clean-up.

In This Episode, We Cover

1. What it’s like to step in early when you’re the one who ends up carrying the fallout
2. How being told to ‘relax’ or ‘let it play out’ misses where the cost actually lands
3. Why stepping in early often gets read as control from the outside
4. The difference between reacting to what’s happening and knowing what usually comes next
5. How early exits, early no’s, and early decisions reduce the total load

This Episode Is For You If

1. You’re usually the one calling it before things tip
2. You leave events early and feel judged for it
3. You’re told nothing has happened yet, but you know what comes after
4. You’re the one left carrying the aftermath
5. You’re tired of second-guessing what you know because you’ve lived it

Related Episodes

Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/

When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-35-you-were-the-good-girl-thats-why-youre-falling-apart-now/

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

This isn’t about being better at sitting with uncertainty.

It’s about exposure.

Some people only experience the moment.

Others are the ones who absorb what comes after.

Leaving early doesn’t look necessary when you’re not the one managing the fallout. What looks like overreaction from one place is actually load reduction from another.

You’re not creating problems too soon.

You’re carrying the cost so it doesn’t land later.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

1. A message goes unanswered.
2. A reply takes longer than expected.
3. A conversation pauses.
4. And suddenly, silence feels loaded.

In this episode, Jane explores why those moments don’t register as neutral. They register as danger. Not because you’re dramatic or overthinking — but because past experiences have taught your system that silence can mean rejection, conflict, or loss of safety.

The panic that shows up isn’t reactive. It’s predictive.

And the relief that floods in when the reply finally comes? That’s not embarrassing. It’s data. Evidence that your system misfired a protective alarm — not that something is wrong with you.

This is a recognition episode, not an explanation. It doesn’t teach you how to stop spiralling. It names why the spiral happens — and lets that understanding do the calming.

In This Episode

1. Why silence is experienced as threat, not information
2. How past social pain trains the brain to predict danger early
3. Why panic is terrible at writing messages
4. The relief that comes when nothing was actually wrong — and what it proves
5. How overprotection develops from lived experience, not weakness
6. Why this reaction is about safety, not self-control

This Episode Is For You If

1. Unanswered messages make your whole body brace
2. Silence feels heavier than words
3. You rewrite texts that didn’t need fixing
4. Relief after a reply is followed by self-doubt or shame
5. You want recognition, not advice

Best Related Episodes

These episodes deepen the same patterns of silence, rejection sensitivity, and misread threat.

An RSD Story: Taking My Own Advice

A personal lived experience of rejection sensitivity and shame loops.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/an-rsd-story-taking-my-own-advice-s1-ep9/

Why Am I Bracing for Impact When Nothing Is Wrong? (Quick Reset)

How the system predicts danger before there’s evidence.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

When You Can’t Relax Even When It’s Quiet — What Your Body Is Doing and Why

Hypervigilance and waiting for the social ‘drop’.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/why-adhd-mums-cant-relax/

No, I Can’t Meditate. I’m Too Busy Disassociating. (Quick Reset)

What happens when emotions spike and the system moves into coping mode.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-quick-reset-no-i-cant-meditate-im-too-busy-disassociating/

I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality (Quick Reset)

Rejection sensitivity, social exhaustion, and withdrawal as protection.

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-14-quick-reset-i-cancel-plans-because-i-dont-have-the-energy-to-fake-my-personality/

📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

Not because you’re anxious.

Not because you’re controlling.

And not because you’re ‘that mum’.

In this episode, Jane unpacks what actually happens for many mums as school resumes — especially those parenting neurodivergent children.

1. The pressure to stay ahead.
2. To manage outcomes.
3. To prevent last year from repeating itself.

What often gets misunderstood is this:

1. that tension isn’t about wanting control.
2. It’s about knowing what’s at stake.

This episode explores the difference between regulation through behaviour and regulation through relationship — and why mums so often find themselves translating between systems that don’t speak the same language.

Jane reflects honestly on her own controlling reactions, not as a flaw, but as a signal of care under pressure.

The result is an episode that offers relief, recognition, and permission — not resolution.

This is not a ‘back to school readiness’ episode.

It’s an emotional exhale before the year begins.

In This Episode, We Cover

1. Why the start of the school year activates so much nervous system stress
2. How last year gets carried forward in the body
3. The difference between caring, control, and influence
4. Why mums are often labelled ‘that mum’ when they’re actually translating systems
5. Regulation through relationship vs regulation through behaviour
6. How fear of repetition drives over-functioning
7. Why letting go of control isn’t the same as giving up
8. Permission to choose influence where control isn’t possible

This Episode Is For You If

1. You feel braced heading into the school year
2. You’re worried about becoming ‘that mum’
3. You’re carrying last year’s stress into this one
4. You’ve had to advocate repeatedly for your child
5. You feel responsible for making the system work
6. You want relief and clarity, not another checklist

🔗 Related Episodes

These episodes sit in the same school-season and systems-translation lane, and deepen the themes explored here.

Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year

Why mums carry the system stress, not just the logistics

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-63-surviving-the-mental-load-of-the-school-year/

Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong? (Quick Reset)

How last year gets carried in your body

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-10-quick-reset-why-am-i-bracing-for-impact-when-nothing-is-wrong/

Making the Invisible Mental Load Visible: How to Share the Load Without the Stress

Translating between systems, not controlling them

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-73-making-the-invisible-mental-load-visible/

The Great Gaslighting: When Schools Say ‘We Don’t See It’

Validation for parents who know their child needs relationship first

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-7-school-series-the-great-gaslighting-when-schools-say-we-dont-see-it/

When School Stops Feeling Safe

What happens when connection breaks down

👉 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-19-when-school-stops-being-safe/

Final Note

You’re not ‘that mum’.

You’re a mum who knows what happened last time — and doesn’t want a repeat.

This episode isn’t asking you to try harder.

It’s reminding you that regulation, safety, and influence don’t come from control.

If this episode hit home, share it with a mum who’s quietly dreading the school start.📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

Not because you need to learn how to parent better.

But because the judgement itself is the problem.

In this episode, Jane unpacks one of the most exhausting myths ADHD parents face:

that challenging behaviour is a discipline failure rather than a regulation issue.

When children melt down, struggle to comply, or can’t do today what they managed yesterday, the adult world often reads this as defiance, manipulation, or laziness. Parents are then pressured to punish harder — even when punishment clearly isn’t helping.

This episode stands between you and that pressure.

Jane explains why ADHD is not a behaviour to 'manage', why punishment backfires for dysregulated nervous systems, and why fluctuating capacity is not inconsistency or bad parenting. Most importantly, it names the quiet shame parents carry when they’re blamed for something that was never a moral failure to begin with.

This is not a debate about discipline styles.

It’s a defence of parents who are paying attention.

In This Episode, We Cover

1. Why being told to ‘be firmer’ feels personal — and why it causes so much damage
2. The myth that punishment teaches self-regulation (and what it actually teaches instead)
3. Why ADHD is not a behaviour problem but a developmental delay in regulation
4. How shame undermines self-esteem and worsens behaviour over time
5. Why ‘they did it yesterday’ is a misunderstanding of fluctuating capacity
6. How inconsistent capacity gets misread as manipulation
7. Why punishment often increases defiance and emotional dysregulation
8. The difference between obedience and safety
9. Why connection builds skills in the long term — even when it’s harder in the short term
10. How to hold boundaries without turning distress into a moral failure

This Episode Is For You If

1. You’re constantly being judged for choosing understanding over punishment
2. Family members question your parenting or dismiss ADHD
3. You feel blamed when discipline doesn’t ‘work’
4. Your child copes one day and falls apart the next
5. You’re exhausted from explaining yourself over and over
6. You know punishment isn’t helping — but feel pressured anyway

🔗 Explore More From This Episode

These episodes deepen the themes discussed here and support the same values-driven approach.

🎧Referenced in This Episode

The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’ (Quick Reset)

Why pressure backfires, and how shame and guilt shape behaviour and self-esteem

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

Sibling Peace: Transform Rivalry into Relationship Building with Gen Muir

Supporting sibling relationships through regulation and connection, not punishment.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/sibling-peace-transform-rivalry-into-relationship-building/

The Truth About Time-Outs and What to Try Instead with Gen Muir

Why time-outs often fail for ADHD kids, and what helps instead.

https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/the-truth-about-time-outs-and-what-to-try-instead/

🧠 Research Referenced in This Episode

Research referenced in this episode includes neuroscience and developmental studies showing structural and functional differences in ADHD brains, particularly in areas related to executive function, impulse control, and emotional regulation. This body of research includes findings from MRI and brain-imaging studies and supports ADHD as a neurodevelopmental difference rather than a behavioural issue.

Russell Barkley – ADHD and self-regulation

This episode draws on the work of Dr. Russell Barkley, whose research frames ADHD as a developmental delay in self-regulation and executive functioning. His work highlights why punishment does not teach missing skills, and why support, skill-building, and positive reinforcement are more effective for ADHD children.

📬 Listener Questions & Community

Submit a Listener Question (anonymous option)

If there’s something you want answered on the podcast, you can submit a question here — anonymously if you prefer.

https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864

Share Feedback or Topic Requests

Have a topic you’d like covered, or feedback you want to pass on? You can send it through here.

https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

For community, shared language, and conversations with other mums who get it.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/adhdmums

And you’re not failing at life.

If you wake up already tired — before anything has even happened — this episode explains why.

Not in a ‘here’s what to do’ way.

In a ‘nothing is wrong with you’ way.

In this episode, Jane names the invisible thing that keeps so many mums feeling behind, rushed, and quietly panicked even on calm days: carrying responsibility before it’s required.

It’s why the phone ringing makes your body brace.

Why waiting doesn’t feel like rest.

Why you feel like you’re about to get in trouble — even when everything is fine.

This isn’t anxiety.

It isn’t disorganisation.

And it isn’t you being dramatic.

It’s what happens when your nervous system learned, very early on, that missing things had consequences — so it stayed alert just in case.

This episode is about the mum who feels behind before she’s started…

and the relief of realising she’s not behind at all — she just started carrying it too early.

In This Episode, We Cover:

1. Why you can feel exhausted even when nothing has gone wrong
2. The ‘I must have forgotten something’ feeling — and where it comes from
3. Why your body braces when the phone rings
4. What it means to live in ‘standby mode’
5. How responsibility can show up before it’s actually required
6. Why urgency feels real even when it isn’t
7. The difference between being behind and being early
8. The quiet permission to stop obeying the rush

This Episode Is For You If:

1. You feel behind before the day even begins
2. Your body is always waiting for something to go wrong
3. You apologise or explain yourself before anyone asks
4. Quiet days still feel heavy and tense
5. Rest doesn’t feel like rest
6. You want relief — not another strategy

🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)

1. Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
3. Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/
5. Quick Reset: The hallway hook that saved my sanity
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/

📬 Have a Question or Something You Want Covered?

This podcast is shaped by real mums, real moments, and real nervous systems.

1. Submit a listener question:
2. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
3. Share feedback or topic requests:
4. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

💛 Need Provider Recommendations?

Looking for support that’s neuro-affirming and community-recommended?

1. Free neuro-affirming provider list:
2. https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/768431/133168574745281842/share

And you’re not doing rest wrong.

If you’ve ever noticed yourself cleaning, tidying, or “finding something to do” in the very moments you’re supposed to be enjoying — this episode explains why.

In this short but powerful conversation, Jane unpacks why so many mums feel restless, guilty, or half-revved when things finally go quiet, and why that response isn’t anxiety or a personal flaw. It’s learned usefulness — shaped by gendered conditioning and reinforced over time.

This episode is about the mum who steps out of the circle of joy to make sure the moment runs smoothly for everyone else… and then wonders why she can’t settle when nothing is required of her.

In This Episode, We Cover:

1. Why doing can feel safer than enjoying
2. How usefulness becomes tied to belonging
3. What’s actually happening when rest feels uncomfortable
4. Why this pattern runs through generations of women
5. How ADHD nervous systems stay alert when roles disappear
6. Why restlessness is role-consistent, not a failure
7. How to begin unlearning usefulness = worth (gently, slowly)

This Episode Is For You If:

1. You feel uneasy when things finally go quiet
2. You clean or stay busy instead of enjoying moments
3. Rest makes you feel guilty, restless, or exposed
4. You’ve been told you’re “bad at relaxing”
5. You want to understand why your body stays alert — without blaming yourself

🔗 Explore More From This Episode

🎧 Related Podcast Episode

1. ADHD meds won’t fix everything — now what?
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-23-adhd-meds-wont-fix-everything-now-what/

🎧 Quick Resets (Short, Bingeable Support)

1. Quick Reset: Mum hack meal planning for when you’re already burnt out
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-43-quick-reset-mum-hack-meal-planning-for-when-youre-already-burnt-out/
3. Quick Reset: Self-care feels nice. Self-regulation keeps you alive.
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-53-quick-reset-self-care-feels-nice-self-regulation-keeps-you-alive/
5. Quick Reset: The hallway hook that saved my sanity
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-38-quick-reset-the-hallway-hook-that-saved-my-sanity/

📬 Have a Question or Something You Want Covered?

This podcast is shaped by real mums, real moments, and real nervous systems.

1. Submit a listener question:
2. https://form.jotform.com/251238118486864
3. Share feedback or topic requests:
4. https://form.jotform.com/243189306607864

💛 Need Provider Recommendations?

Looking for support that’s neuro-affirming and community-recommended?

1. Free neuro-affirming provider list:
2. https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/768431/133168574745281842/share

You survived a year that was heavier than the plans you made for it.

I asked the ADHD Mums community how their New Year’s goals actually went last year — and the answers weren’t lazy, careless, or undisciplined. They were honest. Tender. Exhausted.

This episode is a collective exhale for every mum who promised she’d get organised, rest more, yell less, move her body… and then found herself just trying to keep everyone alive.

💬 What this episode really says

ADHD mums don’t fail goals because they don’t care enough.

They struggle because they’re already at capacity when they set them.

🧠 In this episode, we unpack:

1. Why New Year’s resolutions collapse for ADHD mums — especially in January
2. How burnout and survival mode sabotage motivation and follow-through
3. The difference between ‘lack of discipline’ and lack of margin
4. Why long-term planning doesn’t work when your nervous system is cooked
5. A kinder, ADHD-friendly alternative to goal-setting

🎧 Listen & links

1. Listen: https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/the-resolutions-none-of-us-actually-did
2. Resource: Energy Accounting Guide → https://adhdmums.com.au/product/adhd-mums-energy-accounting-guide/

🔗 Related episodes

1. The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough
2. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/good-enough-is-enough-year/
3. Why Most Planners Fail ADHD Mums (And How to Finally Make One Work)
4. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-52-why-most-planners-fail-adhd-mums-and-how-to-finally-make-one-work/
5. QUICK RESET: The ADHD Myth of ‘Just Try Harder’
6. https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-24-quick-reset-the-adhd-myth-of-just-try-harder/

This isn’t about trying harder or fixing yourself. It’s about understanding why ADHD and neurodivergent mums don’t just get tired — we get depleted.

In This Episode, We Cover:

1. Why exhaustion can feel like numbness instead of emotion
2. What dopamine debt looks like in real life
3. How emotional labour quietly drains ADHD mums
4. Why rest alone doesn’t fix burnout
5. How to stop treating depletion like a personal failure

Free Resources Listed:

1. 🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download here

Related Episodes

1. Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There
2. 👉 Click here to listen
3. Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?
4. 👉 Click here to listen
5. QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task
6. 👉 Click here to listen

Listener Question Box

Have a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?

👉 Send a listener question or story here:

Submit your question anonymously

In this episode, Jane responds to a listener who accidentally lost her Christmas list… and felt calmer than she ever had in December. Not because she stopped caring — but because the mental load finally dropped.

This conversation explains why ADHD mums hit capacity faster at Christmas, why letting go feels terrifying, and why you’re allowed to be done even when the list never ends.

What you’ll hear in this episode

1. Why losing the list created instant calm
2. The difference between dropping tasks and dropping load
3. What allostatic load is — and why ADHD mums carry more of it
4. Why your body knows you’re done before your brain agrees
5. How to stop before you shatter, not after

Free Resources Listed:

1. 🎁 Get the Energy Accounting Guide: Download here

Related Episodes

1. Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There
2. 👉 Click here to listen
3. Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?
4. 👉 Click here to listen
5. QUICK RESET: Why Self-Care Feels Like Another F*ing Task
6. 👉 Click here to listen

Listener Question Box

Have a moment, question, or December story you can’t quite put into words?

👉 Send a listener question or story here:

Submit your question anonymously

I thought I was keeping my options open.

But somewhere between exhaustion, people-pleasing, and old survival habits, I abandoned myself — again.

In this episode, I share the exact moment it clicked: my 'soft no’s' weren’t boundaries at all. They were apologies wearing polite outfits. And when everything finally caught up with me, my nervous system had already run out of fuel.

This is a deeply human conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, ADHD overwhelm, and why saying no can feel genuinely unsafe — even when you desperately need to.

Key Takeaways

• Why 'maybe' is not a neutral response when you’re exhausted
• How people-pleasing is a nervous-system survival strategy, not a personality flaw
• What the fawn response actually looks like in ADHD mums
• Why overwhelm makes boundaries collapse
• The hidden cost of keeping the peace

🔗 Related Episodes & Recommended Listening

If this episode landed for you, these conversations explore the same patterns of people-pleasing, masking, self-sacrifice, and nervous-system survival:

• Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• 👉 Listen here
• You Were the Good Girl. That’s Why You’re Falling Apart Now.
• 👉 Listen here
• High Camouflaging ADHD and ASD
• 👉 Listen here
• Self-Sacrifice Is Not Your Friend (And Here’s Why)
• 👉 Listen here
• QUICK RESET: I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality
• 👉 Listen here

🤍 FB Group:

If you want a space where you don’t have to explain yourself:

👉 Join the ADHD Mums Facebook Group

This episode answers a powerful listener question: How do I handle gift-opening with my ADHD/PDA child without feeling ashamed, judged, or like I’m failing?

 It’s not just about presents. It’s about generational conditioning, people-pleasing, masking, and the old belief that ‘being liked = being good.’

What We Cover

• Why ADHD/PDA kids may not react the “expected” way to gifts
• The inherited ‘good girl’ conditioning mums carry into adulthood
• Fawning as a trauma response (and why it flares during Christmas)
• How masking is taught — and why many of us learned adult comfort > child honesty
• How to script boundaries with family without apologising
• What to do before, during and after gift-opening to reduce conflict
• Why guilt shows up (and why it doesn’t mean you’re wrong)

This Episode Is For You If…

• Your stomach drops any time someone comments on your child’s reactions
• You’re torn between protecting your child and appeasing adults
• You feel responsible for everyone’s comfort — except your own
• You want to break the ‘good girl’ cycle, but December makes it hard
• You need language, scripts, and validation for navigating family events

Resources & Links 

Related Podcast Episodes

• The Good Girl Episode
• The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else
• Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There

Relevant Tools & Programs

• Festive F* It Plan** — your calmer, kinder December blueprint
• ADHD Mums Guide to Boundaries & Breaking Free from People-Pleasing
• ADHD Mum’s Guide to Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons 
• Navigating Impulse Spending During the Holidays with ADHD

Community & Forms

• Listener Question Form 
•  ADHD Mums Facebook Community — collective wisdom + real-life scripts

Content Warning

This episode touches on masking, childhood invalidation, and trauma-related people-pleasing patterns.

Listen Now

Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

In this episode, we unpack why ADHD mums hit overwhelm earlier and harder during December, why the “tiny straw” moments feel massive, and how the invisible mental load of Christmas pushes your brain into shutdown mode long before anyone notices.

This is a compassionate, nervous-system-first explanation of why you’re so tired, so overstimulated, and so close to snapping… and why none of this is your fault.

Key Takeaways

• Silent rage = a responsibility overload response, not “being grumpy.”
• ADHD brains spend more effort on planning, remembering, switching tasks and emotional labour — Christmas multiplies all of these.
• The “tiny” trigger never is tiny — it’s the final task hitting a system already at capacity.
• Your body reads “too much responsibility” as danger, shifting into tension, heat, and shutdown.
• Sensory load + task load + emotional load = the perfect storm that makes Christmas feel impossible.
• You’re not the problem — the load is.
• Micro-shifts can interrupt the bracing response before it becomes collapse.

Listen & Links

Listen: www.adhdmuns.com.au/magic-of-christmas-but-im-grumpy

Free resource: 

👉 Download the Energy Accounting Guide

🔗 Related Episodes

‘The Red Pen Christmas: How to Stop Editing Yourself for Everyone Else’

👉 Listen here

‘The Year I’ve Decided Good Enough Is Enough’

👉 Listen here

‘Christmas Is the Finish Line — And ADHD Mums Are Crawling There’

👉 Listen here

💬 Share / Vent / Ask

ADHD Mums Facebook Community

Post a #vent, get solidarity, and be witnessed by other mums who get it.

👉 Join the Facebook group

Listener Question Box

Send in your own ‘washing machine’ or ‘silent rage’ moment for future episodes.

👉 Submit a listener question

What We Cover

• Why ADHD mums hit Christmas overwhelm weeks before the day arrives
• The collapse moment: when invisible load becomes unmanageable
• Sensory + emotional overload during holiday tasks
• How ADHD brains burn dopamine faster under combined pressure
• The physiology behind “Christmas rage,” shutdown, and snapping
• Why joy disappears when you’re the one creating the magic
• How to shift the load, communicate earlier, and prevent holiday burnout

This Episode Is For You If…

• You dread Christmas because you’re the one doing everything
• You crumble under the wrapping + fairness + noise + pressure
• You feel guilty for not loving the season
• You hit a snapping point you didn’t see coming
• You wonder why one small question can tip you over
• You want to understand what your body is actually trying to tell you

Key Takeaway

Your nervous system cannot enter joy while running executive load, sensory filtration, conflict prevention, and emotional labour. It’s not personal — it’s physiological.

Resources & Mentions

• Energy Accounting Guide — A tool to reduce invisible load and prevent overwhelm
• Perimenopause Self-Check (because hormonal load amplifies Christmas overload)

🔗 Related Resources

✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner

🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF

🔗 Related Episodes

• Stop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child

This is the story of the year Jane finally said: good enough is enough. And maybe this is the year you get to say it too.

💡 What We Cover

• Why ADHD brains don’t recognise ‘done’
• The difference between maximising vs satisficing (and why one burns you out)
• The ADHD tax of “perfect Christmas” expectations
• How our reward loop drives over-performing and overwhelm
• How to recognise your internal ding — when good enough is actually safe

💬 For You If

• You’re carrying the emotional load + logistics + all the extras no one sees
• You keep adding “just one more thing” to your already impossible list
• You feel guilty resting, stopping, or being less “magical”
• You need permission to drop the bar, not raise it

🎄 Resources & Mentions

✨ Festive F*ck It Plan — your calm, realistic December planner

📘 The Paradox of Choice — Barry Schwartz on maximisers vs satisficers

🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF

🔗 Related Episodes

• Stop People-Pleasing This Christmas — The Year I Stopped Apologising for My Child
• Unhealthy Habits & ADHD: Why We Get Stuck & How to Shift
• QUICK RESET: How We Survive the 3–6PM Sh*t Show When Kids Are Coming Down Off Meds

🎧 Listen now: Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

💡 What We Cover

• Why ADHD medication is never a one-size-fits-all decision.
• When to see a paediatrician vs a psychiatrist — and why access is so broken.
• The truth behind ‘zombie kids’, personality changes, growth, appetite and sleep.
• What’s actually happening in the afternoon crash (and how to survive it).
• ADHD + Autism: does it change the medication conversation?
• What parents can do while they wait on endless public and private waitlists.

💭This Episode Is For You If…

• You feel scared of meds, scared of not trying meds, or stuck between two parents who disagree.
• You’re drowning in the 3pm–6pm chaos when everyone’s meds (including yours) have worn off.
• You’re exhausted from uncertainty, judgement or mixed messages from professionals.
• You want clarity without shame, pressure or clinical coldness.
• You’re parenting a neurodivergent child and just need someone to explain things like a human.

🧠 Resources & Helpful Tools

📌ADHD Screening & Support

Child ADHD Parent/Self-Test

A good starting point for parents wondering whether ADHD traits are showing up at home or school.

🔗 https://form.jotform.com/251610961002444

📌Medication-Specific Guides

A Guide to ADHD Medication

Perfect fit for this episode — covers stimulants, non-stimulants, side effects, appetite, sleep, titration and what’s expectedin the early weeks.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/product/a-guide-to-adhd-medication/

📌Related ADHD Mums Medication Episodes

Stimulants vs Non-Stimulants – Solo Episode (S2E40)

Jane’s clear breakdown of how different medications work and how they often feel in real life.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-40-adhd-medication- stimulants-vs-non-stimulants-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/

What Happens If You Don’t Have ADHD & Take ADHD Meds (S2E47)

Important context for safety, myths, and co-parent disagreements.

🔗 https://adhdmums.com.au/podcast_episode/episode-47-what-happens-if-you-take-adhd-medication-without-adhd-solo-episode-with-jane-mcfadden/

📝 About Dr Mimi Xu

Dr Mimi Xu — Website (General Info + Resources)

🔗 IG Account - https://www.instagram.com/drmimixu/

🔗 https://www.child-psychiatrist.com.au/

Lionheart Clinic

🔗 IG Account - https://www.instagram.com/lionheartclinic_au/

Mimi’s telehealth child & adolescent psychiatry clinic supporting kids and families across NSW, ACT and beyond.

🔗 https://www.lionheartclinic.com.au

Child & Adolescent Resource Mental Health Library

An evidence-based resource library curated by Dr Mimi Xu — perfect for parents wanting reliable information without the panic headlines.

🔗 https://www.child-psychiatrist.com.au/

🎧Listen Now

Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

This week, Jane shares the story of the Christmas she finally stopped performing for everyone else — and started living it for herself.

💡 What We Cover

• Why ADHD brains struggle to know when to stop
• The difference between maximising and satisfying
• How burnout hides under “just one more thing”
• The real cost of the ADHD tax at Christmas
• Why rest isn’t lazy — it’s regulation

💬 For You If

• You’re drowning in invisible labour and still feel behind
• You keep adding “just one more thing” to your list
• You’ve ever spent more money, energy or guilt than you had
• You need permission to stop — before you collapse

🧠 Resources & References

• 🎄 Festive F*ck It Plan – Your ADHD-friendly Christmas plan: fewer tasks, more peace, and an actual vision for your Christmas too.
• 🎄 Listener Question Form – Want to submit a question for the next episode? Share anonymously here.
• 📚 Barry Schwartz – The Paradox of Choice
• 🆓 Free Resource: The Energy Accounting PDF (Free Download)
• Kit Available: Managing Overwhelm During Busy Seasons

🔗 Related Episodes

• S2 E60 Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• S3 E17 QUICK RESET: How We Survive the 3–6PM Sh*t Show When Kids Are Coming Down Off Meds
• S3 E61 Unhealthy Habits & ADHD: Why We Get Stuck & How to Shift

🎧 Listen now: Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

In this raw and funny ADHD Mums Christmas episode, Jane breaks down why the season feels like an emotional Olympics for neurodivergent parents — and how to stop performing and start protecting your energy.

This isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing less on purpose.

Using the ‘Red Pen’ approach, Jane shows how to cross out what doesn’t deserve you, protect your peace, and rebuild your energy budget before the season eats you alive.

What You’ll Hear

• Why Christmas feels like a group project where no one else is helping
• The emotional cost of being the peacekeeper and why it’s not sustainable
• Understanding ‘energy accounting’ — how much each task, event, and expectation actually costs your nervous system
• Why saying no is a nervous system upgrade, not a moral failure
• Scripts for setting boundaries at Christmas without guilt or drama
• How to tell the difference between peacekeeping and real inner peace
• The myth of the ‘perfect Christmas mum’ — and how to reclaim joy by doing less

This Episode Is For You If…

• You’re already dreading the family group chat.
• You’ve promised yourself a “simple” Christmas before… and still ended up crying in the pantry.
• You’re trying to keep everyone happy — and losing yourself in the process.
• You want a calmer, more meaningful holiday season without the guilt.

Key Takeaway

You don’t need another list — you need a red pen.

Peace doesn’t come from keeping everyone calm.

It comes from choosing what actually deserves your energy.

🧠 Resources Mentioned

• The ADHD Mums Festive Bucket List — A workbook to help you cross out everything that doesn’t serve you this Christmas.
•  🆓 Free Resource: Energy Accounting Guide (Free Download) — Learn how to track your daily energy budget and stop overspending it.
• Overwhelm & Busy Seasons Kit — Your practical toolkit for surviving December without burning out.
• ✨ Sign up for: The Xmas Festive F*ck List — A workbook to help you cross out everything that doesn’t serve you this Christmas.

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• 🎧 Christmas Chaos: Hacks for Surviving Family Drama, Sensory Overload, and Picky Eaters!
• 🎧 Stop People-Pleasing: The ADHD Mum’s Guide to Boundaries, Balance, and Breaking Free
• 🎧 How to Handle Family Criticism About ADHD: Boundaries and Keeping Your Sanity

Listen Now

🎧 Spotify | Apple Podcasts | ADHDMums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

In this deeply validating conversation, Jane sits down with Tracey Jewel — author, advocate, and mum of a neurodivergent family — to talk about reframing “bad parenting” through a neurodiverse lens. From ARFID and sensory overload to the grief and joy of parenting differently, this episode challenges the idea of what a “good parent” looks like and celebrates authenticity over appearances.

What You’ll Hear

• Tracey’s journey from reality TV to raising an ADHD + autistic son — and discovering her own diagnosis
• The hidden grief of parenting a child who doesn’t fit the mould — and how to hold both love and loss at once
• What ARFID really looks like in real life (and why it’s not just “fussy eating”)
• Why “structure” isn’t always the solution for neurodivergent families — and when it can become oppressive
• The difference between co-regulation and control: what actually helps during a meltdown
• How to reframe “fairness” in families where everyone’s needs look different

This Episode Is For You If...

• You’ve ever felt judged in public for your child’s behaviour
• You’re raising an ADHD or autistic child and constantly second-guessing yourself
• You’ve wondered why “routine” doesn’t work for your family the way it seems to for others
• You’re craving a conversation that feels real, not sugar-coated

Key Takeaway

What looks like chaos is often communication. When we stop chasing “good parenting” and start embracing true connection, our families thrive in their own rhythm — even if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s.

Resources Mentioned

• Inclusive Mums Club — Tracey Jewel’s Perth-based and online community for neurodivergent families. Free membership and sensory-friendly events.
• ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) information — Raising Children Network
• Dr Brené Brown — Atlas of the Heart and The Power of Vulnerability (on emotional awareness and co-regulation).
• Check out Tracey's IG: @traceyjewel_ify

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• 🎧 The Emotional Load of Raising Neurodivergent Girls — And How to Lighten It — Finding compassion for yourself in the middle of invisible labour.
• 🎧 Surviving the Mental Load of the School Year — How to stop blaming yourself when the system isn’t built for you.

Listen Now

🎧 Spotify | Apple Podcasts | ADHDMums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

This episode includes mentions of intrusive thoughts and parental burnout. Please take care while listening.

Episode Overview

Have you ever gone from wanting to run away to feeling overwhelming love for your kids — all within five minutes? You’re not delusional. You’re devoted.

In this raw and deeply relatable episode, Jane unpacks the wild emotional contradictions of raising neurodivergent children — the chaos, the guilt, and the strange, feral kind of joy that sneaks in when you least expect it.

Drawing on the latest neuroscience and parenting research, she shares how joy isn’t mythical — it’s mechanical. There’s a recipe for it, and ADHD mums can learn to bring it back even in the middle of messy mornings and meltdown chaos.

What You’ll Hear

• Jane’s honest story of one chaotic morning that spirals from meltdown to meaning
• Why joy and rage can coexist — and what it means for ADHD brains
• How Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000) shows us the three switches for joy: Autonomy, Competence, and Relatedness
• What the “Nowhere I’d Rather Be” study revealed about parents of autistic children finding real joy because of, not despite, their children
• Practical micro-shifts you can make today to feel joy again — even if your house is held together by hair ties and hope

This Episode Is For You If...

• You love your child but sometimes feel like you’re losing your mind
• You’ve ever cried in the car after drop-off, then felt deep love minutes later
• You’re craving joy but feel too exhausted to find it
• You need a reminder that devotion, not delusion, drives your parenting

Key Takeaway

Joy isn’t a reward for getting everything right — it’s a survival instinct. It hides in micro-moments of choice, competence, and connection. When you flip those switches, joy finds its way back.

Resources Mentioned 

• Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Self-Determination Theory: Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268.
• Schultz, W., Dayan, P., & Montague, P. R. (1997). Reward Prediction Error: Science, 275(5306), 1593–1599.
• Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow. Harper & Row.
• Dietrich, A. (2004). Neurocognitive Framing: Consciousness and Cognition, 13(4), 746–761.
• “Nowhere I’d Rather Be” (UK study on autistic parenting joy, 2023)

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• The Lipedema Op: The Invisible Illness You Weren’t Supposed to Notice — Finding identity beyond diagnosis

Listen Now

🎧 Spotify | Apple | ADHDMums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

If you’ve ever sat there wondering if you’re failing because the meds don’t seem to work anymore — you’re not broken, and you’re not alone.

In this episode, Jane tackles the most common questions ADHD mums ask about medication for kids. From appetite loss and 3PM crashes to puberty shifts and masking, we break down what’s really happening, why it feels so complex, and what meds can (and can’t) do.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why ADHD meds can feel amazing at first — then glitch later
• The science behind appetite loss, afternoon crashes, and big emotions
• Puberty, growth, and co-occurring conditions that change how meds land
• Masking at school vs meltdowns at home — and why it matters
• Why parenting burnout and school systems can’t be “fixed” by medication
• Reframing meds: support, not a cure

This Episode Is For You If…

• Your child’s ADHD meds felt like a miracle but “stopped working”
• You’re confused by side effects like loss of appetite or late-day crashes
• You’ve blamed yourself for meds not doing enough
• You’re parenting through ADHD plus anxiety, autism, or sensory overload
• You need validation that you’re not failing — you’re navigating complexity

✨ Listen now: ADHD Meds & Kids — Your FAQ Answered on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or adhdmums.com.au — because parenting ADHD with meds is hard enough without shame on top.

Visit Dr Tommy Tran's website at https://www.drtommytran.com.au/

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

In this Quick Reset, Jane unpacks why masking at the school gate feels so exhausting, how it impacts ADHD and autistic mums, and why it’s not about being unfriendly — it’s about survival.

✨ What We Cover in This Episode

• Why everyday small talk at school pickup can lead to masking, exhaustion, and car park tears.
• How chronic masking in social situations (play dates, birthday parties, pickup and drop off) leads to burnout and mental health struggles.
• Research on the Double Empathy Gap by Damian Milton, and why neurodivergent communication breakdowns are misunderstood.
• Jane’s ADHD Mum School Pickup Guide — practical insights for getting through without faking it.

💛 This Episode Is For You If

• You’ve ever left school pickup early because you couldn’t fake one more smile.
• You collapse in the car after masking your way through birthday parties or play dates.
• You’ve been judged as rude, antisocial, or unfriendly — when you were just maxed out.
• You want to feel less alone in the invisible cost of social masking as an ADHD mum.

📑 References & Research

• Research on the Double Empathy Gap by Damian Milton.
• ADHD Mum School Pickup Guide.

🎧 Listen now: Spotify | Apple | adhdmums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

If you’ve ever handed over cash for gummies that didn’t work — you’re not the only one.

In this episode, Jane sits down with clinical nutritionist Brittany Darling to unpack the minefield of supplements for ADHD and neurodivergent kids. From magnesium gummies to iron deficiency, we break down what’s legit, what’s hype, and how mums can avoid wasting money on sugar pills in shiny jars.

Supplements aren’t magic. But with the right testing, the right dose, and support from a qualified professional, they can make a real difference.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why supplements labelled “for ADHD kids” are a red flag in Australia
• The hidden risks of cheap gummies and adult formulas marketed for children
• Iron deficiency, magnesium, and saffron — what the research actually shows
• How to spot unqualified “nutrition experts” and what credentials matter
• Why supermarket supplements often don’t contain therapeutic doses
• When to consider a “supplement holiday” and reset

This Episode Is For You If

• You’ve ever bought gummies online and wondered if they actually work
• You’re tired of wasting money on supplements with no visible benefit
• You want to know which nutrients matter most for ADHD and ND kids
• You’ve felt guilty for “not doing enough” when supplements don’t fix behaviour
• You need clear, practical advice from someone who works with ND families

References & Resources Mentioned

• Clinical Nutritionist Brittany Darling → @wholefoodhealing
• Brittany’s supplement line: www.imnutrients.com
• TGA (Therapeutic Goods Administration) — guidelines on supplements
• Research on saffron and ADHD symptoms

✨ Listen now: “Supplements for ND Kids: Calm Minds, Chaos Days, and What Actually Helps” — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because mums deserve real answers, not expensive guesswork.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

Ever wondered why you feel calm after a walk but snap six minutes later? You’re not failing — that’s the difference between self-care and regulation.

In this Quick Reset, Jane unpacks the crucial difference between bubble baths and nervous system regulation. Self-care soothes. Self-regulation catches you mid-climb and stops the burnout spiral.

ADHD mums don’t need more scented candles. We need practical tools to notice when we’re about to tip over. This episode helps you understand what regulation looks like in real life, why self-care can feel like failure, and how to use both without guilt.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why self-care feels good in the moment but doesn’t stop meltdowns
• The difference between self-care (external) and self-regulation (internal)
• Signs you’re climbing toward dysregulation — and how to catch it
• Fire extinguisher vs. scented candle: why regulation saves you mid-meltdown
• How guilt and shame creep in when self-care “doesn’t work”
• Realistic regulation strategies for ADHD mums with zero spare time

This Episode Is For You If

• You’ve ever felt calm after yoga, then yelled in the car 10 minutes later
• You blame yourself when “self-care” doesn’t stop the rage
• You’re tired of influencer tips that don’t work in real ADHD mum life
• You want small, practical strategies to regulate your nervous system
• You need solidarity: proof you’re not failing, you’re just human

Related Episode:

S3E22: QUICK RESET: Why self-care feels like another f*****g task | Spotify | Apple Podcast

✨ Listen now: “QUICK RESET: Self-Care Feels Nice. Self-Regulation Keeps You Alive” — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because calm isn’t failure, it just isn’t regulation.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

Some days I don’t recognise myself.

The rage hits first — then the guilt follows. 💔

If you’ve ever cried over crumbs or felt calm slip away for no reason, this episode will make you feel seen.

Because what looks like “losing control” is often ADHD, hormones, and burnout colliding.

Jane sits down with Dr Sunita Chelva from Hero Menopause to unpack why perimenopause can feel like puberty all over again, how hormones intensify ADHD symptoms, and what you can do to find steadier ground when everything feels too loud, too fast, and too much.

✨ What We Cover in This Episode

• Why hormone fluctuations during perimenopause can trigger ADHD-like rage and emotional sensitivity
• How estrogen and progesterone shifts impact focus, calm, and tolerance
• The connection between histamine, mast-cell activation, and hormonal mood swings
• What to know about HRT, supplements, and antihistamines — and how to talk to your GP about them
• The overlap between trauma, neurodivergence, and hormonal chaos
• Practical tools for ADHD mums: sleep, movement, boundaries, and self-compassion

💛 This Episode Is for You If …

• You’ve ever thought, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
• You’re juggling ADHD, hormones, and motherhood — and you’re exhausted
• “Just breathe” advice makes you ragey instead of relaxed
• You want practical, ADHD-friendly ways to steady your nervous system

📚 References & Resources Mentioned

• Hero Menopause — Dr Sunita Chelva
• Instagram:  @drsunitachelva @heramenopause
• Facebook: @Heramenopause and Women’s Health
• LinkedIn: @DrSunitaChelva and @Heramenopause
• Apps: Flo App, Balance App, Flo Partner App
• Supplements Discussed: Magnesium, Vitamin D, DIM (cruciferous extract), Activated B vitamins (methylation support)
• Antihistamines Mentioned: Telfast, Claritin, Zyrtec, Famotidine (Zantac) — always consult your GP before use
• Therapies Referenced: EMDR, breathwork, weight training, sleep hygiene

🔁 Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• HORMONES: Histamine + Hormones – Why You Feel Like You’re Falling Apart with Kylie Smart
• HORMONES: The Perimenopause Crash – Progesterone, Stress, and the Rage Nobody Warned Us About with Kylie Smart
• HORMONES: HRT, ADHD & Perimenopause: What No One’s Explaining to Women with Lara Briden
• HORMONES: When Hormones Hijack the Mind: ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout with Dr. Sunita Chelva

If this brings up anything for you, please reach out for support:

• Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
• Outside Australia: contact your local crisis service

Always talk with your healthcare provider before making any medication or supplement changes.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

In this raw confession, Jane shares the reality of parenting a child who’s left out. From the quiet “Mum, what’s wrong with me?” to the fury of watching friendships collapse despite scaffolding, this episode validates the pain of social exclusion for ADHD and autistic kids — and the mums who love them.

Research shows exclusion isn’t resilience-building. It’s trauma. The brain registers it as real pain, and for neurodivergent kids, it happens far too often .

What We Cover in This Episode

• The gut-punch moment when a child realises they weren’t invited
• Why “kids toughening up” isn’t resilience — it’s trauma
• How hidden friendship rules and conditional inclusion leave ADHD/autistic kids on the edge
• The impact of social exclusion on children’s confidence, self-esteem, and nervous system
• Why mums feel grief, rage, and helplessness when scaffolding still fails
• Practical ways to validate kids, script social supports, and work with schools for inclusion

This Episode Is For You If

• Your child has come home asking “Why don’t they like me?”
• You’ve hosted playdates, scaffolded friendships, and still watched your child get left out
• You’ve been told “that’s just life” and felt unseen or dismissed
• You want language and strategies to support a child who’s socially excluded
• You need solidarity: proof you’re not alone in this heartbreak

References & Resources Mentioned

• 📑 Research: Social exclusion activates the same brain regions as physical pain
• 📘 Playground Pickup Guide for ADHD Mums
• 🎧 Related Episode: Raising Strong Children: How to Support Without Always Solving Their Problems with Emma Rose — Spotify | Apple Podcasts

✨ Listen now: “CONFESSION: My Kid Didn’t Get Invited — And It Broke Both Our Hearts” — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because no ADHD mum should be left to carry this heartbreak in silence.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

Topics Covered

ADHD kids social exclusion, ADHD birthday party invites, ADHD mums heartbreak, autism exclusion at school, ADHD friendship struggles, ADHD emotional resilience, neurodivergent kids left out, supporting ADHD children’s friendships, parenting ADHD kids social skills, ADHD school inclusion

🚛 You survived pregnancy. You survived newborn chaos. You survived years of exhaustion.

Then perimenopause hit — and it felt like your ADHD exploded overnight.

If perimenopause has made your ADHD feel impossible — you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not the only one.

In this raw and relatable episode, Jane sits down with Dr. Sunita Chelva (Hero Menopause & Women’s Health) to unpack what happens when fluctuating hormones collide with ADHD brains. From brain fog and rage to misdiagnosis and burnout, this conversation shines a light on what women are really experiencing — and why it’s not “just Mum life.”

What We Cover in This Episode

• How estrogen and progesterone shifts in perimenopause impact dopamine and ADHD symptoms
• Why burnout, brain fog, rage, and emotional reactivity spike in the late 30s–50s
• The overlap between ADHD and PMDD — and why up to 70% of ADHD women are affected
• Why women are often offered antidepressants instead of hormone support
• How masking, multitasking, and guilt fuel emotional depletion
• Red flags when seeking help — and why you may need second or third opinions
• Practical steps: symptom tracking, seeking hormone-aware providers, and building support

This Episode Is For You If

• You feel like your ADHD has worsened in perimenopause
• You’ve experienced brain fog, rage, exhaustion, or guilt that doesn’t feel like “just Mum life”
• You’ve been told to try antidepressants but suspect hormones are playing a role
• You want to understand why PMDD and perimenopause hit ADHD women so hard
• You need validation, language, and next steps to advocate for yourself

References & Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Sunita Chalva — Hera Menopause & Women’s Health
• Hero Menopause Symptom Scorer - https://www.heramenopause.com.au/herasymptomscore
• Australasian Menopause Society — symptom tracking tools
• ADHD Mums Recommended Provider Tool — find GPs & specialists who understand ADHD + hormones
• Suggest your own Women’s Health Provider if you have had a good experience. https://form.jotform.com/242630327577863

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• 🎧 The Perimenopause Crash — Progesterone, Stress, and the Rage Nobody Warned Us About
• 🎧 HRT, ADHD & Perimenopause: What No One’s Explaining to Women
• 🎧 Histamine + Hormones — Why You Feel Like You’re Falling Apart

✨ Listen now: HORMONES: When Hormones Hijack the Mind — ADHD, Perimenopause & Emotional Burnout — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because hormones may hijack your brain, but they don’t get to define your life — and you deserve support that actually works.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why ADHD brains struggle with “out of sight, out of mind” systems
• How object permanence and visual cues shape daily life for ADHD mums
• Why Pinterest-worthy storage often fails in real homes
• ADHD-friendly hacks: open storage, intentional landing zones, pairing items with habits
• How “piles” aren’t laziness — they’re often functional reminder systems
• Why the bare minimum is still a miracle when you’re parenting with ADHD — and why that doesn’t make you messy, it makes you resourceful

This Episode Is For You If

• You’ve ever re-bought something from Kmart because you forgot you already owned it
• You feel like you’re drowning in clutter but can’t stick to “minimalist” systems
• You’ve tried every Pinterest hack and still end up with piles everywhere
• You’re tired of being told you’re lazy or messy when you’re actually adapting to how your brain works
• You want practical home design tips that are ADHD-friendly and realistic for mums

References

• Barkley, R. A. What are the long-term health implications of ADHD? This paper/report covers how ADHD increases risks for poorer health outcomes and reduces life expectancy if untreated. ADHDAwarenessMonth 2025
• Tuckman, A. Wasting Time? Hyperfocusing? ADHD and Time Perception Problems (ADDitude, 2025) — explains how ADHD distorts time perception (time blindness), impacting productivity, relationships, self-esteem

✨ Listen now: “I’m Not Lazy — My House Just Doesn’t Have a Memory” — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

If you’ve ever been told your child is “not disabled enough” for support — you’re not alone. And you’re not failing them.

That’s what too many families are hearing through NDIS reforms — while kids who mask or “hold it together” risk losing the supports that keep households afloat. This episode unpacks what the changes actually mean, where the gaps are, and how to push back with lived experience at the centre.

What We Cover in This Episode

• What “not disabled enough” and “not lifelong” decisions look like on the ground for ADHD and autistic families
• How NDIS reviews measure parental burnout instead of real need
• Why kids who mask (or parents who try to stay positive in reviews) can be penalised
• Senator Jordon Steele-John’s lived experience with ADHD and disability advocacy
• What the proposed Thriving Kids program could mean — and the unanswered questions
• How parents can use advocacy, templates, and submissions to push back

This Episode Is For You If

• Your child has been told they’re “not disabled enough” or “not lifelong” for NDIS
• You’ve felt crushed by reviews that demand proof of struggle before support
• You’re scared your child’s ability to mask will cost them the help they need
• You’re trying to make sense of the new Thriving Kids program
• You want to hear from a politician with both lived experience and a plan to fight back

References & Resources Mentioned

• NDIS Free Resources → (guides, templates, and jotforms to help parents navigate the changes)
• NDIS Jot form - document your experience
• Parliamentary Inquiry into the NDIS — open for submissions now
• Full webpage of all Jane's NDIS advocacy work here

Related Episodes

• 🎧 NDIS is making psychology support harder to access and the new budget rules: Spotify | Apple Podcast

✨ Listen now: Not Disabled Enough — The NDIS Changes Every Parent Needs to Hear (with Senator Jordon Steele-John) — on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because parents deserve support, not shame.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

🧘‍♀️ Meditation apps promised calm — but for many ADHD mums, stillness doesn’t soothe. It shuts us down.

If you’ve ever sat down to meditate and felt panic instead of peace — you’re not broken. You’re not the only one.

In this Quick Reset, Jane explores why meditation, yoga, and “just breathe” advice can trigger dissociation instead of relaxation. When stillness feels unsafe, your nervous system isn’t failing — it’s protecting you.

This episode unpacks the difference between resistance and survival, why dissociation is often misunderstood, and how ADHD mums can build regulation in ways that actually feel safe.

What We Cover in This Episode

• Why meditation and stillness can trigger dissociation instead of calm
• Dissociation as a neurological survival response, not a mindset issue
• How it shows up in kids (zoning out, robot-like compliance, emotional flatness)
• Why “letting go” feels impossible without safety and scaffolding
• Practical alternatives: movement, sensory tools, music, micro-pauses
• How to reframe meditation as presence, curiosity, and building tolerance slowly

This Episode Is For You If

• You’ve ever felt panic, not peace, when trying meditation
• You blame yourself for failing at yoga, mindfulness, or “relaxing”
• You want to understand dissociation as survival, not weakness
• You’re raising a neurodivergent child who zones out or seems “not present” at school
• You need validating, practical strategies that meet ADHD brains where they are

References & Resources Mentioned

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk — on trauma, the body, and survival states

✨ Listen now: “No, I Can’t Meditate. I’m Too Busy Disassociating” — available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and adhdmums.com.au — because calm shouldn’t feel unsafe, and you deserve tools that actually work for your brain.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.

This episode contains discussion of eating disorders, food restriction, and medical trauma, including misdiagnosis, inpatient treatment, and NG tube feeding. These themes may be triggering if you’ve experienced eating disorders, hospitalisation, or trauma in medical settings. Please listen with care and step away if you need to.

🥄 Your child isn’t “picky.” They’re hungry, terrified — and too often, the world still blames parents.

In this raw and validating episode, Jane speaks with Marie Camin, autistic clinical psychologist and researcher, about ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder), eating disorders, and why neurodivergent bodies are consistently misunderstood and mistreated.

Marie shares her own lived experience alongside her clinical insights, unpacking how trauma, sensory needs, medical neglect, and stigma collide to create deeper harm — and why curiosity, agency, and neuro-affirming care are essential for healing.

What We Cover in This Episode

• The difference (and overlap) between ARFID, anorexia, and other eating disorders
• Why ARFID is misdiagnosed and why body image isn’t the driver
• Marie’s lived experience: being mislabelled with anorexia, medical trauma, and refeeding through an NG tube
• How restriction cycles worsen when safe foods are lost
• The role of sensory overload, anxiety, and co-occurring health conditions (POTS, MCAS, celiac)
• Why dieticians, trauma-informed care, and curiosity matter more than control
• Reframing progress: eating “enough” vs eating “everything”
• Identity, food, and family culture — and why pressure around mealtimes backfires

This Episode Is For You If…

• You’re parenting a child with ARFID, “extreme picky eating,” or food refusal
• You’ve been blamed or dismissed by professionals who don’t understand neurodivergent feeding differences
• You’ve experienced medical trauma tied to eating or food treatment
• You want to understand how trauma, sensory needs, and stigma intersect with eating disorders
• You need solidarity and language that validates your lived experience

References & Resources Mentioned

• Marie Camin’ website: https://www.mariecamin.com/ 
• Hermeneutical Injustice — concept by philosopher Miranda Fricker on the harm of missing language for lived experience

Related ADHD Mums Episodes

• Could it be ARFID? Spotting the Signs + Why It’s Not Just Fussy Eating
• Beyond ‘Picky Eating’ — What ARFID Feels Like: Claire Britton’s Personal Story
• You’ve Tried Everything… They Still Won’t Eat: Real Strategies for ARFID at Home
• Navigating Psychology Assessments: Avoiding Key Mistakes

If you’re struggling, you don’t have to go through it alone. In Australia, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Butterfly Helpline on 1800 33 4673. If you’re outside Australia, please reach out to local crisis supports in your area.

🎧 Listen now: ARFID, Eating Disorders & the Neurodivergent Body: What We Got Wrong — on Spotify, Apple, or adhdmums.com.au

JOIN THE COMMUNITY:

Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!

FOLLOW FOR MORE:

Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTube

LEAVE A REVIEW:

Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other mums find this content and feel supported. Let’s spread the word and make a difference together.

COLLABS:

For collaborations or speaking engagements, email me at jane@adhdmums.com.au.

MORE RESOURCES:

Still unsure if ADHD or autism applies to you or your child? Take my recommended self-tests here.