After Inlove: Your Intimacy Survival Guide

The 4-Step Fix for Any Relationship Fight

Lu Cook — Tue, 11 Mar 2025 07:45:00 +0000

We all argue—but most of us were never taught how to actually repair after a fight. Without proper repair, relationships suffer death by a thousand papercuts, with every unresolved hurt piling up over time.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the four essential steps to repairing after conflict—without defensiveness, blame, or another round of the same argument. You’ll learn:

Why conflict isn’t the problem (but lack of repair is)

When not to try and fix things (hint: when you're still heated)

The exact words to use for a repair conversation that works

The biggest mistakes we make in making up—and how to avoid them

If you want to stop walking on eggshells and start actually moving forward after fights, this one’s for you.

Why you keep fighting (and how to actually make up)

Lu Cook — Sun, 02 Mar 2025 19:00:00 +0000

Ever feel like you and your partner are stuck in the same fight on repeat? You’re not alone. Conflict is a natural and necessary part of any relationship - but the way we handle it makes all the difference.

In this episode, I explore why we argue, what we’re really fighting about (hint: it’s not just the dishes or being late), and how to navigate conflict in a way that strengthens your connection instead of tearing it down. I break down the hidden dynamics at play, the most common mistakes we make when tensions rise, and how to move from gridlock to understanding.

Fighting doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it means you care. Tune in to learn how to make your conflicts work for your relationship, not against it.

Resources:

https://www.afterinlove.com/

https://www.instagram.com/afterinlovetherapy/

Erectile Dysfunction: Breaking the Silence & Finding Solutions

Lu Cook — Sun, 23 Feb 2025 18:57:00 +0000

Erectile difficulties happen to so many penis owners, yet it’s still one of the most misunderstood and anxiety-inducing challenges in the bedroom. In this episode, I unpack the real reasons behind erection struggles—beyond just physical causes—and explore the psychological, relational, and emotional factors that play a huge role.

We’ll cover:

Why erectile issues are not just about aging or testosterone

The mind-body connection—how anxiety can be the biggest erection killer

How to talk to your partner about it without shame or pressure

Practical, science-backed ways to rebuild confidence and pleasure

Whether this is something you’ve personally faced or you’re supporting a partner through it, this episode will help you understand what’s really going on—and what you can do about it. My hope is this will take the fear out of the conversation and bring connection back into your bedroom.

Resources:

My website https://www.afterinlove.com/

Lori Brotto's meditations https://www.loribrotto.com/mindfulness-recordings

The Sex Talk Every Couple Needs to Have

Lu Cook — Mon, 17 Feb 2025 06:30:00 +0000

Talking about sex can feel awkward, but it’s one of the biggest predictors of a satisfying sex life. In this episode, I break down why open communication about sex is essential for intimacy, connection, and pleasure. We’ll explore common barriers that make it harder to talk about sex (and how to overcome them), plus what research tells us about the link between sexual satisfaction and communication.

I’ll walk you through key topics to discuss with your partner, from sharing fantasies and reflecting on peak experiences, to exploring preferences, curiosities, and boundaries. I’ll also give practical strategies for having these conversations—whether through words, touch, or playful experimentation.

If talking about sex feels intimidating, this episode will help you start the conversation in a way that strengthens your relationship, deepens intimacy, and improves your sex life.

Resources:

Mojo Upgrade - the sex communication checklist: https://mojoupgrade.com/

Sex Zine to work through with yourself/ your partner: https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/intro-to-our-make-your-own-sex-manual-zine/

4 Relationship Lessons That Changed Everything

Lu Cook — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 06:46:00 +0000

Real intimacy requires openness—but how do we stay open to love while also protecting ourselves from inevitable pain? In this episode, I break down four key ways to stay open in your relationships:

❤️ Open Heart – True connection comes from emotional vulnerability. Saying "I love you," admitting "you hurt me," and letting yourself be truly seen are the risks that deepen intimacy.

🧠 Open Mind – Love thrives on curiosity. Understanding your partner’s world, embracing differences, and letting go of rigid expectations can transform how you connect.

👀 Open Eyes – Denial won’t save a relationship, but truth can. Seeing things as they really are—both the good and the hard—allows you to navigate love with honesty.

👐 Open Hands – Holding onto love too tightly can stifle it. Learning to love without control, embracing change, and trusting the flow of relationships keeps love alive.

If you’ve ever struggled with fear of vulnerability, conflict, or loss in love, this episode is for you. Let’s explore how staying open can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

🎧 Listen now!

Sex After Kids: The Struggle is Real, But So is the Solution

Lu Cook — Mon, 10 Feb 2025 06:45:00 +0000

Becoming a parent changes everything—including your sex life. If you’re feeling exhausted, touched out, disconnected, or like intimacy has taken a backseat, you’re not alone. In this episode, I break down the real reasons why sex after kids can feel so hard (hint: it’s not just about being tired) and how to navigate the emotional, physical, and relational shifts that come with parenthood.

We’ll explore:

🔹 Why libido changes after having kids (for both partners!)

🔹 The mental load, identity shifts, and body image challenges that impact desire

🔹 How to reframe intimacy beyond just sex and rebuild connection

🔹 Practical strategies for making space for desire, even in the chaos of parenting

🔹 How to communicate with your partner about your needs and navigate mismatched libidos

Sex after kids is different, but that doesn’t mean it’s doomed. Tune in for actionable advice to help you reconnect, rediscover pleasure, and bring intimacy back into your relationship.

Resources:

My website: https://www.afterinlove.com/

Books mentioned:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Having-Kids-Ruin-Your-Life/dp/1035405113

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Come-Together-Science-Creating-Connections/dp/1785044990

Where Did You Learn Sex? Exploring Your Sexual Map

Lu Cook — Mon, 03 Feb 2025 06:30:00 +0000

Where did you learn about sex? From school? Your parents? The media? Whether we realize it or not, we all carry a "sexual map"—a collection of messages, experiences, and cultural narratives that shape how we think and feel about sex. In this episode, we’ll explore how your early influences—family, religion, media, and personal experiences—have shaped your desires, inhibitions, and beliefs about sex and intimacy.

I’ll walk you through reflective prompts to help you uncover your own sexual story, break free from limiting scripts, and open up new possibilities for pleasure and connection. Plus, we’ll explore how shifting your mindset around sex can deepen intimacy with yourself and your partner(s).

🎧 Listen now and begin your journey to a more fulfilling, authentic sex life.

If you find any of the reflective exercises bringing up memories fo sexual trauma or unwanted touch in your history, please seek support. Contact a sex therapist (like me at https://www.afterinlove.com/) or try a charity such as:

https://www.sarsas.org.uk/

https://www.thebridgecanhelp.org.uk/

https://thesurvivorstrust.org/

5 Pathways to Horniness: Understanding Your Erotic Blueprint

Lu Cook — Mon, 27 Jan 2025 07:00:00 +0000

What gets you in the mood? The answer might lie in your unique erotic blueprint. Developed by Jaiya, the five erotic blueprints—Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky, and Shapeshifter—offer a fascinating framework for understanding how you experience arousal and pleasure. In this episode, we’ll dive deep into each blueprint, helping you identify your primary one and explore how it aligns (or differs) from your partner’s.

I’ll share actionable tips on how to harness your blueprint for maximum pleasure, avoid common pitfalls, and bridge the gap between different blueprints in your relationship.

Take the Erotic Blueprint today: https://s.pointerpro.com/xyvvarox

And visit my website for a free downloadable rescource about this episode.

Lost Your Libido? Here’s How to Find It Again

Lu Cook — Fri, 24 Jan 2025 06:00:00 +0000

When your desire goes missing, it can feel confusing, frustrating, and even a little worrying. In this episode, we bust the most common myths about libido and explore what’s really going on when it seems to disappear. Together, we’ll uncover the reasons why you want sex (or don’t) and how you can reignite that spark in a way that works for you.

We’ll dive into the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire, as well as the concept of "simmering" and how to keep your sexual battery charged. We'll help you identify your unique sexual brakes and accelerators, and share the power of creating 'sexy windows'. We'll explore the importance of staying mindful and tuned into the sensations of pleasure during intimate moments. Plus, we’ll discuss why aftercare is more than just the cherry on the sexual icing.

Whether your libido is a whisper or a roar, this episode will help you understand it better and find ways to feel more connected, both to yourself and your partner.

Unlocking Intimacy: 5 Ways to Transform Your Relationship

Lu Cook — Mon, 20 Jan 2025 06:00:00 +0000

What does true intimacy look like in a relationship? In this episode, I unpack my concept of the five pillars of intimacy: the head (intellectual), the heart (emotional), the body (physical), the genitals (sexual), and the spirit (spiritual). Each of these areas offers a unique pathway to deepen your connection and transform your relationship.

But what’s standing in the way? I’ll explore common barriers to intimacy in each area and share practical, actionable tips that you can start implementing today. Whether you’re looking to reignite a spark, feel closer to your partner, or simply grow together, this episode is your guide to unlocking deeper intimacy.

Don’t forget to download the free worksheet on my website for even more ways to practice what we discuss.

Introducing After Inlove: Your Intimacy Survival Guide, Season 1.

Lu Cook — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 22:15:00 +0000

Welcome to After Inlove: Your Intimacy Survival Guide, the podcast where we explore the ins and outs of sex, intimacy, and relationships. I’m Lu Cook, a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist on a mission to bring the wisdom and tools of my practice straight to your ears.

Each episode is bite-sized, practical, and designed to fit into your busy life—because I know you don’t have hours to spare but still want to make meaningful changes in your love life. Whether it’s reigniting desire, navigating sex after parenthood, deepening intimacy, or tackling common issues like libido and penis problems, I’m here to guide you.

This podcast isn’t therapy, but it will give you actionable insights and plenty to reflect on. And don’t forget to check out the free resources and worksheets I’ve created to help you take these conversations even further. Find them at www.afterinlove.com and don't forget to say hi on instagram at @afterinlovetherapy