But also read Cauterize by Lady Altair

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/4152700/1/Cauterize

For this episode we MASHed more of our favorite special guests and things get weird (not that that is anything unusual 🤷‍♀️)

This week, the wheel decided that we would talk about the Harry Potter amusement parks! Tara shares her experience at Universal Studios in Florida and the conversation moves to the amusement parks we have here in Ohio. It's a fun one that just makes us wish we could afford to travel more 😂

Unlike our happy little recap of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Crimes of Grindelwald is a rough watch for us. Kudos to the fantastic actors and the cinematography...and to the zouwu (and all the ways we mispronounce it).

Anyway, enjoy the longest recap ever on Basic Snitches... and the confusion...so. much. confused

We're kicking off the season with a holiday game episode! Adam and Tara are playing classic Snitches games and getting into the holiday spirit!

Enjoy some classic BS games and welcome to season 9!!!

Oh, and we'll be back with SEASON 9 before you can miss us too much 😉

Thank you to Peggy, Victoria, Jean and Dan for joining us!

Ron...kinda sucks sometimes...but also, we are all a little bit Ron and maybe we should remember that these are children... 🤷‍♀️

Oh, and we love Rupert Grint. Obviously 😁

Apologies for the delay on this one! We'll be back in 2 weeks with more Snitches shinanigans ❤️❤️

Just kidding! Adam just needs to be comfortable after being subjected to spending too much time with Tara 🤷‍♀️

Time for a Bracket episode! Spells for battle!🪄

Sorry Harry, your favorite spell ain't gonna cut it this time 😂

Adam and Tara revisit the second half of their NYC Cursed Child experience. Scorpius is still a cinnamon roll, pink bitch still needs to die, and Hermione is badass in EVERY timeline.

Meanwhile, Harry and Draco bond over being bad dads, Snape still sucks, Ron and Hermione have FOMO and the villain of this play is really terrible.

Look out for Professor McGonagall'a upcoming memoir: Haven't I Had Enough? (The answer is yes. Yes she has. Let the poor woman run her school in peace!)

In the final episode of this chapter, we share snippets from our Patreon Archive and give you EVEN MORE SARAH, as well as Roxana, Brian, Victoria and Dan (some of our favorite Snitches, of course). 

We play Guess Who and Wrong Answers Only and Tara tells everyone she's bad at things.

Enjoy, Snitches!!!

(Tara has laryngitis but is here too!)

After a roast of our silent co-host, we jump into our deep dive on the woman who kept two stupid boys alive for 7 years.

As this chapter turns towards being Ravenclaw coded (please stay tuned... 😂), we talk about BOOKS!!!

Adam put together a bracket of 16 books from the series and we crown one classic as the winner 🏆

But don't worry, even though there is only one winner, we keep all the books in our Snitch Library 😁😁

Revising our 2019 trip to NYC where we saw the play on Broadway, we discuss the good and the bad. Part one is a tough one for Harry, but we love Ginny, we're rooting for Scorpius, and we're still confused as fuck about the trolley witch.

Here we share some of our favorite Screen Rant discussions (disagreements) previously shared on Patreon! Some (most) of these lists are terrible but every now and again, someone gets something right 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, if you haven't had enough chaos in your life, here's the missing piece...Basic Snitches Improv Night!!!

We basically spend the episode talking about how amazing McG is, focusing on all the badass stuff she does and how incredibly important she is to Harry's story. Also, Hogwarts literally would have completely fallen apart when Dumble was headmaster without McG there!

This time we break down the best magical treats! 😁 What is the most superior magical treat???

Hint: it's NOT Every Flavor Beans 🤮

Also we don't know what half of these are so we just make up a bunch of stuff 🤷‍♀️

Also, in case you didn't know, Snape reads Nora Roberts

Hosted by Victoria, and featuring Neci as the contestant on her Basic Snitches debut episode!

Will Neci match with any of our panel? Listen and see just how well a potions master, a French headmistress, a disgraced politician, a fraudulent author and the ghost of a horny teenager match up with her!

Y'all, this one is off the rails...so enjoy this whole episode about potatoes!!!

Seriously, he is the BEST.

Want to watch the scenes we are watching? Here's the playlist we had on while we recorded!

The complete MASH fates of Adam, Tara, Jean, and Peggy

We bring in a few of our favorite Snitches to play a few of our favorite games.

Buckle in - we are loud* and we are fun and we are hilarious.

❤️ Thank you to our special guests - Ashley, Sarah, Brian and Roxana

*No, seriously, we are LOUD - don't say you weren't warned...

If you were one of our wonderful Qwen patrons previously, you know that we have been doing these for some time now - and we love nothing more than to not have to prepare a single bit before recording 🤣

So what did the wheel dictate we discuss? Arthur Weasley working in a Muggle office! We had such a great time imagining Arthur in the office spaces that we are familiar with and we have decided that he would be absolutely amazing ❤️

You could say that this whole podcast has been dedicated to a character study of Harry James Potter - but this conversation was a fun overview of Harry's journey and how much we have enjoyed his growth over the last 5 years and 7 books of podcasting ❤️⚡🪄

While the winner of the bracket isn't someone we love, the nickname is CLASSIC because we are hilarious 😉

Because we read so many books we rewarded ourselves with a movie 😁

Here is a long-winded and praise-filled recount of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them to start off the season!

Enjoy!

And welcome back, Snitches ❤️❤️

Don't forget that we have changed the cadence of episodes to every other week, so our next episode will be headed your way the week of September 15th on Wednesday!

Though Adam and Tara have spent the last year ripping apart these films, Jean and Peggy are much nicer.

In the second longest Basic Snitches episode in history we spend nearly 2 hours with two of our favorites walking through the movies and talking about how much we love Dobby and Hedwig.

This is a long one, Snitches...

This is not only the wrap up for book 7, we also discuss the points Adam has been keeping for the past seven seasons as well as some thoughts about wrapping up the series.

Guess who wins the house cup??? 😁

Don't worry, we still have a handful of episodes left for you this season... and we refuse to stop just yet, so you're getting a season 8 🍾

Basically, Harry wins. So do we. Basic Snitches win.

Bye Cocaine Babyyyyyy!!! 🎉

Apparently you CAN fuck at King's Cross because Voldy is about to be SO fucked 🤣

This is apparently where we are supposed to stop hating Snape for being a piece of shit. Don't worry. We don't.

Adam writes one of the greatest things ever written...even though Tara stole all his adjectives. Again.

Harry figures stuff out! We're so proud even though he's a dummy dumb dumb. Harry's interrogation tactics are just to be a dick, but hey, it's effective. Harry sees a statue and it reminds him of another statue.

Everyone goes on vacation to Albania and Tom is the strangest name ever.

Adam gives us all a lesson in the floor plans of Hogwarts thanks to his blueprints book and Hogwarts legacy.

Amycus and Alexto suck.

McG and Luna are badass.

Slughorn is a walrus.

The movie is...eh...okay? They don't have the budget for us to see the Ravenclaw common room and they're not paying John Cleese, so... 🤷‍♀️

Congratulations on your new couch, Adam!!!

Aberforth is fed up, Harry is determined, Ariana Grande is bffs with Neville.

THEY RIDE A DRAGOON 😁😁😁

Ron is sassy. Hermione is prepared. Harry gets to see into Voldy's head (so all usual stuff).

And it's time to go home ❤️🏰

The trio and Griphook go on a field trip, Hermione is too friendly and Harry learns a new spell!

Justice for dragoon!!!

Adam and Tara discuss the importance of wearing crowns for every day tasks and Harry becomes a grandfather.

Oh, and "daddy" is an adjective now.

The trio interrogate Griphook and Ollivander and Tara rants about how stupid Voldy and his crew were to not make Ollivander make them extra wands...

New facts that are absolute canon about magical creatures:

Sirius Black is a Disney princess and makes friends with all the woodland creatures

The Giant Squid (aka: Adam) is lazy but effective

Thestrals are the Ford F150s of the series

But we do get to reunite with Luna 😍

So much- like the longest thing maybe ever was written-SO much happens in this chapter.

RIP Skinny Dick. Actually no. Fuck that guy.

Canon: Lee Jordan will dethrone Rita Skeeter in the wizarding media world.

Harry needs to travel to the future to listen to Basic Snitches so he knows to refer to Voldy as Cocaine Baby, obviously. Then he wouldn't have broken the taboo 🤷‍♀️

We play a new game. For funsies. Adam is maybe impressed 😂

Did you know you can travel from Hogwarts to Bouxbatons through a long tunnel? Canon.

Anyway, Luna is the best. Also there are lots of spoilers in this episode... Even though this is not a spoiler free podcast (Nor is it a Twilight podcast thank you very much no) We figured we would let you know about all the spoilers 🤷‍♀️

RON IS TRYING GIVE HIM CREDIT

We get to go visit X and, after 20 chapters, we finally are about to find out the meaning of the title of this book!

Merry Christmas to Bentley, the little thief making all the noise in the background 😂

People do not give water the respect it deserves!

Anyway this chapter is actually about terrifying ways to die (drowning), and how Ron is a fucking hero.

Also, what would it be like if Snape's first name was Larry? Everything is fixed.

This chapter is really just a lot of gay jokes and Hermione being a book thief

Tara is filled with all the accents today...

Did you know that you can only pull the sword of Gryffindor out of a hat or a hag??

...or Harry.

Starring Natalie as the contestant, and Adam as our host, listen and find out who she will match with!!

Will it be everyone's favorite sensible and logical DADA professor, Remus Lupin (Victoria)?

Or the Hungarian Horntail with the heavy accent (Ashley)?

How about a strangely horny Dobby the House-Elf (Sarah)?

Or Natalie's favorite HP character, Hagrid (Dan)?

...or perhaps someone a little more evil?

Like a guy who cannot even manage to murder a child, the evil and noseless Lord Voldy(Tara)?

Maybe Voldy's right hand woman, the explosion obsessed Bellatrix LeStrange (Bee)? *Please don't mispronounce her name

Or lastly, will Natalie match with the devil in a pink disguise, Delores Umbridge (Delia)?

Listen and find out!!!

*Please note that having multiple people in the room kept many people far from the microphone. You may want to turn up the volume a bit ☺️

Also, Adam and Tara finally get One Word at a Time right!!

Two of our favorite Snitches are back as we reminisce about our time as Puffs 💛🖤

Thank you to Darcy for the questions and thank you to Matt Cox for giving us a beautiful and hilarious show with so much heart and hugs.

Please be our friend!

#thirdornothing🦡

Also, the trio get to be nosy bitches, just like the good ol' days... until Ron leaves like a little bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch

(Tara took all Adam's adjectives)

We will drink wine out of (almost) anything.

BABY NEEDS JELLY!!!

This is where they start camping so that's all that happens the rest of the book 🤷‍♀️

Harry falls back on his old habits of being nosy AF, Ron is (as usual) twarted by his lack of real magical skill (😬), and Hermione is forced to spend time with the pink demon. They do manage to survive but not without that fucker Yaxley being in entirely too much of the chapter.

Today we're talking about chapter 12 of War and Peace...just kidding 😂

The trio and Kreacher have a domestic start to the chapter before they move into their plan to infiltrate the Ministry.

We discuss how Kreacher is fluffy now that he has a nice/not evil master.

We also realize that we want Yaxley dead as much as Umbridge. That guy sucks.

In this chapter, one of our favorite characters comes back... Lupin! However, it's not really a good chapter for him 😬 We discuss the development of Tonks and Lupin's relationship and how Harry isn't exactly wrong when he calls him a coward...(maybe check your temper though, Harry)

We also try to figure out how the hell patronus texting works 🤷‍♀️

PSA - we are not pro-traffic circle people on this podcast

Cormac stole Draco's line 😮

Tara and Adam need carbs.

We finally learn who RAB is (I mean, we knew, but now the Trio knows!) and how he has amazing timing (or else Kreacher would not be alive).

Also, can someone please teach us the margarita spell?

Another chapter of Hermione saving everyone's ass 🤷‍♀️

We have some notes for the film....like how Hermione, instead of modifying the waitress's memory she just screams "GO! LEAVE!" ...❓Which I guess is the same thing? 🤷‍♀️And also these three idiots don't even take all those pastries from the cafe they effing destroyed 🙄 you tell the barista to GTFO and you don't even get yourself some snackies?

How did we get here?

Here you go, Snitches, play this while watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's Stone) on mute. Our Basic Snitches guests help fill in the correct dialogue.

Join Adam and Tara with Ashley, Delia, Dan, Sarah, Natalie, Victoria and Bee for this wild adaptation of the first HP movie! Enjoy, friends!

Adam gets his tongue in order and Tara is speaking in a weird southern accent.

Barney is a nosy dude and Muriel the Hutt is fucking annoying.

Also, Bill and Fleur fuck. A lot. Not necessarily in this chapter but just assume if you don't see them, they're probably fucking🤷‍♀️

Tara is reading the version of this book with no sex in it.

Lion man is annoying AF in this chapter.

What does the Happy birthday song sound like in the Wizarding World?

"I didn't make this fucking wand." Actual quote from the book.

So it's time to prep for a wedding and it's astounding how little that WIZARDS are utilizing magic...🤷‍♀️

Peggy and Natalie are here to discuss movies 5 and 6. It's glorious chaos and we are so thankful to record with two of our favorites!

Adam, your wine is ready for pickup!

On top of another reminder that the seven Potters was a terrible idea, Adam and Tara also share their Wizardly Weekend of Kent experience (the good, and the ridiculous).

Today Lulu and Zinbitch discuss chapter 4 of Harry Potter and the Field Wine Guide.

JK, sorry this isn't actually a wine podcast 🤦‍♀️

This chapter is absolute chaos and honestly did NOT need to be... just use your invisibility cloak, Harry!

Seriously though, we basically come up with at least half a dozen better ideas than everyone dressing up as Harry.

PS. Hedwig didn't actually die. She's in France enjoying a croissant. This is canon.

It's our last chapter with the Dursleys and we are not sad about it. So then it's our last chance to discuss just how shitty Vernon Dursley is...but we also get to spend some time talking about how Dudley has changed for the better. Also, it is treasonous that they filmed the scene where Dudley and Harry say goodbye to each other and then they DIDN'T PUT IT IN THE FUCKING FILM🙄

Adam and Tara discuss the most effective way to drink wine and are unable to give Rita Skeeter the benefit of the doubt because she's kind of terrible 🤷‍♀️

Yaxley and Snape take a romantic stroll after getting coffee and take in the sights. Voldy continues his favorite pastime of refusing to admit that Harry has any skills. Nobody has extra shit in the Wizarding World.

Oh, and Adam and Tara are back on their bullshit.

Welcome to season 7, Snitches!

Enjoy a sneak peek at the first couple of episodes to come in the final book season of Basic Snitches!

And a bonus! This trailer includes returning Slytherin guests Peggy and Natalie.

More to come on September 1st!

PS. This episode is worth it just for Delia's Snape impression and spot on summary of Prisoner of Azkaban ❤️❤️

We spend a lot of time in Harry's head but that's honestly better than being around the Pink devil (who comes to Dumble's funeral for what purpose?).

We also discuss the complete unimportance of Eileen Prince and how the HBP book was not evil, just misused. Tara even gives Snape a little bit of a pass... 😱

Fuck that blonde death eater.

Tara is a bad speller but definitely knows how to spell Frenrirrr.

Adam, your word is PROTEIN. 

Also, Frenrirrr isn't even a real Death Eater...he's just a throat-eater

Episode title is still about Hagrid.

Because he's better than Snape 🤷‍♀️

It's finally vacay time!!!! Dumble and Harry arrive in Palm springs to find that the hotel accommodations were not as expected.... But at least, there are some cool water features...

Also, everything is Snape's fault. 🤷‍♀️

Adam's house is hot and Tara is slowly removing clothing.

Draco and Harry have a dick measuring contest.

Again.

Ginny is the actual best.

Harry is an idiot.

Seriously.

WTF Harry.

PS. Snape still sucks.

Dan is still here and with Dan, we get Victoria - queen of the fantastic one-liners!

Seriously though, Victoria and Adam bring the chaotic energy to this episode while we highlight just how nerdy Dan is.

This podcast is full of nerds.

Tapeworms are gross.

Pausing from the book for just one week, we discuss the Seven Deadly Sins and how the characters of the series represent each one. We also take a look at the Seven Heavenly Virtues.

The most important thing in this chapter is that sassy Ron is amazing 😂

Also, it's clear that both Harry AND Kreacher need to chill when it comes to their obsession with Malfoy.

Brian is back and there are hot cookies!

Madame Adam makes an appearance!

We roast Dumble a lot here and discuss the journey of each horcrux that Voldy has made and we do an interesting word collaboration.

The taco discussion in this episode is INTENSE. Because tacos are the most important.

Everyone sucks dicks.

We all know what the 3 Ds are... 🤷‍♀️

We discuss the power of Sleepytime Tea and do our best to manifest the bonus that Dawlish deserves after having to be continually embarrassed by Dumble.

Also, Death Eaters could have called themselves Dark Glamour and they didn't. Missed opportunities.

So, are YOU are hoarder or a horcrux?

We get a thing from the fuuuuuuuuutuuuureeee...(I don't know, some time in October of 2080 or something 🤷‍♀️).

We discuss the abuse of garden gnomes and how the ministry is still garbage. Don't worry, though, Sassy Harry is here to tell the Lion Man about himself.

Adam teaches everyone the true power of do and Tara has finally been domesticated.

Everyone is drunk and gay Adam. Tara. And everyone at Slughorn's party.

This chapter is cattiness and Christmas parties.

Also where is our book about Sanguini the nice vampire who just needs a snack?

Did you know that the reason that Hogwarts has so many empty classrooms is because Dumble fired all the math teachers???

It's canon.

Another Dumble lesson!

We discuss how Harry's instincts are pretty reliable and how maybe Dumble could directly respond to him instead of ignoring his concerns about Malfoy 😒

We also discuss our vast (lack of) knowledge about mouth instruments.

Intrigued by the delicious list of ice cream flavors at the start of the episode? Those can be found through Jeni's ice cream...but until they sponsor us, we're not giving you the link here so I guess you'll have to Google it 🤷‍♀️

This week we are reviewing the reviews with AJ and Jen from Podcast in Death (Tara's other podcast).

This time, we just talk about the movies. Some reviewers we agree with and some should probably stay off the internet 🤷‍♀️

Enjoy and get ready to dive back into Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince next week!!!

Neil makes an appearance and honestly it's just all we've been wishing for. Teenage boys are stupid (surprise? 🤔) and Adam has had enough of Slughorn's shenanigans.

We meet Cormac McLaggen, aka, a whiskey that Ashley would not want to drink..and we agree - this guy sucks. And Ginny (especially in the movie) is kind of the best and we love her.

Dumble and Harry go on a weird field trip and Adam shares some tarot knowledge.

Also movie Dumble is way too interested in teenagers' love lives...

Sass. Dick swinging. Terrible pedagogy. Lack of common sense.

It must be a new year at Hogwarts.

This is a classic Snitches episode in which we drink a lot and talk about how Snape is the worst.. also, we discuss the possible connection between Tonks' new patronus and Sirius.

Where are Dumbledore's fancy gloves?

And did you know that Slughorn lives in Bilbo Baggins? 😂🤦‍♀️

Basically this episode is us continuing our general "Draco really sucks" rant 🤷‍♀️

Also we decide that nobody gets to tell Harry FREAKING Potter that his friends aren't cool 😡

Roxana is back to share some of her expertise as a licensed social worker.

If discussing mental health may be triggering for you, please skip this episode and we'll be back with you next week!

Take care of yourselves ❤️❤️

Also, having Roxana with us is the best ❤️

We discuss how Harry learns some new info on his future -laws, girls are brats, and Ginny is sassy.

We play Tara's actual least favorite game and decide that Julia Child invented French food.

So we meet Slughorn. That dude is weird and a bit creepy. Harry is sassy (so much sassy Harry in this book!) and Dumble continues to NOT TELL HARRY WTF IS GOING ON 🙄

But we finally get Jim Broadbent in the movie, which is delightful... they definitely got Harry WAY wrong (insert Tara ranting about character inconsistencies) but, we actually quite love the rest of the scene ❤️

Also, COVID is a bitch

This chapter is not actually about Harry getting cockblocked in a coffee shop.

Sassy Dumble is here. Vernon is terrible. Dudley is understandably uncomfortable (another reminder that Dudley has been traumatized by wizards and magic!).

Also, what are housecoats anyway?

Bellatrix is a dumbass. Snape is sassy. Wormtail is...there.

Also... margaritas.

We start this book off in the muggle world, like usual, but not with the Dursleys! The muggle Prime Minister meets with his least favorite (ours, too, Prime Minister, ours too...) wizard politician then he gets to meet a lion. We learn that Fudge has (FINALLY) been sacked and after post recording research (and asking the people who I knew would know), we have learned that Bill Nighy's name is pronounced the same way as our favorite Science Guy 😉 

Also happiest of birthdays to our lovely Patreon patron, MaryBeth!

Meanwhile, enjoy a minute or so of what's coming at you starting next week!

Catch you 9/21/22 for the first official episode of Snitches season 6 where we talk about chapter 1 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, The Other Minister

Even though we're not *quite* ready to launch our chapter by chapter discussion of Half Blood Prince quite yet, we could not leave you lonely on this special day!

So...we have asked our lovely friend, Ravenclaw Alex Petsche, to talk to us about our favorite Harry- Daniel Radcliffe - and all things non-Harry that he's been up to ❤️

Yes. Yes we are 😂

So long, Umbitch!

The final chapter of OotP and Brian is with us again!!!

We discuss Harry's good intentions and the horrible results of being too cautious, how terrible Draco continues to be, the ridiculousness of the Hogwarts points systems (where Drunk Tara strikes again 🤦‍♀️🙄But I guess at least she's confident?), And just how incredibly SAD this chapter is...

This chapter is fraught with emotions and irony.

We will say it again - Wizards need so much therapy.

Spoiler - Hogwarts' curriculum is garbage 🤷‍♀️

We also learn where Draco gets his bullying skills.. from his aunt Bellatrix, who is terrible.. (also, note that Tara misspoke and referred to Sirius as Draco's uncle instead of his cousin).

Adam and Tara discuss the new things we see as we dive deeper into the Department of Mysteries, as well as the skills (or lack of) the 11+ death eaters who are kind of losing against 6 teenagers 🤷‍♀️

Bellatrix is arguably the second worst villain in the series and, while HBC is brilliant in the role in the movies, it's a bit uncomfortable that so many people love her... because she's pretty terrible, guys.

Our game this week is Wrong Answers Only...send us a message with your answers and we'll share them in season 6 😊

Adam reveals his expertise in horse breeds. We spend a lot of time speculating on the policies of security at the Ministry and the (incredibly obvious) 6-2-4-4-2 code. 

Honestly the Ministry of Magic does not make sense. There is also a fairly dark discussion on the properties of the veil and why it draws Harry and Luna towards it and scares Hermione.

Who has five initials? Must be Dumbledore. 

It's celebration time! The Sagittariuses (Sagittari?) take out pink bitch!!!!

How do the silver trio and Ron get away from the Nazi youths? Not clear. Guess it's not important. Now let's fly to London and don't worry if you can't see the horse you're going to fly on. 😳

We have been saying it for weeks... IT'S GO TIME! Only, this really is go time! A lot of really great discussion in this one...complete with more of us filling in our completely canon backstory on Grubbly-Plank 😂

We phone in the movie portion again, discuss the qualities (or lack of qualities) of rice pudding, and have a short quiz.

Yay. Standardized tests 🙄

Adam gives us some study tips and we discuss the effectiveness of each of the Hogwarts teachers. We are both shocked as we realize that Ron is suddenly the most sensible one in the group and we confirm that Lichtenstein is indeed a real place and not a Tolkien creation.

Fred and George are still heroes and pink demon is slowly losing control of the student body. We go off the rails a bit but mostly this episode is about sports and ***The Grawps***

Also, Hagrid has shockingly not accidentally killed Harry in the 5 years they've known each other... 😬😬😬

Even though we are not sports people we're super happy for Ron for a successful Quidditch cup win at the end of the chapter!!!

James Potter was an asshole but also don't turn into your bullies... SNAPE 😒

Soooo... what is the dress code for under your robe?

More discussion of awkward teen romance and about how awesome Ginny is.

Also, nobody cares about Quidditch... 🤷‍♀️

So much bullying is happening.. from students AND teachers.. 😒

Ashley - where is our rubarb crumble? Also, what is that one instrument?

Mail delivery time should maybe be reevaluate.

Tara has a hot take on occlumeny.

Pink Devil is losing her shit and when she thinks she's about to rack up a W, Dumble comes in and ruins her plans by hiring a Sagittarius!

Adam gives his notes from the last two episodes.

Teenagers are bad at romance.

Also, Valentine's Day is bullshit.

Y'all, it's a wild one!

Y'all, it's in the title 🤷‍♀️

Lastly, we play an epic round of Oh, Ship and Jeff makes Basic Snitches history.

Giants need dentists too...

Check out our new tiers on Patreon!!

Signed,

People who like romance novels and fantasy stories.

This week we are joined by Tara's other co-hosts, AJ and Jen from Podcast in Death. We bring a PID favorite to Basic Snitches as we review the reviews (good AND bad) for the HP series.

We are all Winky. We drink and we get sad... well at least Tara does...

We all need a Room of Requirement...get on that, magical community!

Tara and Adam discuss their theories on Professor Binns then share their own strengths as students.

Snape > Umbridge

Also, apparently the gargoyles can talk.. and they are rude bitches.

And Grubbly-Plank has officially reached Qwen status!!

ZACH SMIIIIIIIIITH!!!!!

Also, please stop vanishing animals, thanks.

Tara comes up with more perfect names to call Pink bitch. Adam's computer screen is very bright.

Surprise, Tara rants about how terrible Snape is. McG is the greatest.

So, are you a Tarot bitch, or a Tara bitch? 

A lot of love for Grubbly-Plank in this episode ❤

or whatever you celebrate

or just for being you

Enjoy!!! ❤️❤️❤️

...but not as much as Umbridge...

If you've never thought about it before, we provide you with a lengthy list of proof that Hogwarts is trying to kill you.

This podcast was almost called "Have a Biscuit, Potter" after McG's amazing line in this chapter. We complain about Harry's least favorite teachers (who are coincidentally Tara and Adam's least favorite teachers...), Bentley attempts to steal Tara's car and Adam teaches us about Moonstone.

Oh..and Umbridge SUCKS.

We made it to the start of term feast!!! The Sorting Hat has upped its game this year. We complain about Pink Bitch, praise Neville, Ron and Hermione for being awesome, and gush over the perfection that is Imelda Staunton.

Oh, Ship! We play a new game and Adam shares more witchey knowledge while comparing the 4 houses to the elements.

We play the worst game ever and Brian ana Tara eat breakfast while Bentley tries to steal Brian's shirt.

Shout-out to Ashley... basically because we love her.

Percy sucks. Fudge sucks. Kreacher is rude.

Pink Bitch sighting!!! We got the egg rolls and Dumble's got the flourish. Madam Bones is Qwen and Fudgepacker is still the worst.

Adam's life is filled with entirely too many meetings. Zoom recordings are not ideal. Being a mom is not for either of us. Perkins and Madame Bones are heroes. Our game this episode fails hard but we give the movie a pass.

Anyway, it's dinner time and Fred and George are immature (but fun) and Mundungus just sucks... (we really hate this guy) we love Tonks....then Harry asks the million dollar question - "So, how's my guy Voldy doin'? Anyone know what he's up to these days?"

Things get intense between Molly and Sirius and all the children except Ginny get some deets on what's up with the Order and what they think Cocaine Baby is doing.

As always, Lupin is amazing in this chapter...and don't worry, Tara still hates Snape.

So Grimmauld Place is dark AF, and a bit creepy, so naturally, Adam wants to live there.

Except for the part where Mrs. Black just hangs behind a curtain waiting to be racist...

Anyway, we're excited to spend more time with Ginny in this book.

Also, are there wizard lawyers?

We discuss why Dumble made Harry stay with the dishrags for so long after everything that happens at the end of the 4th book, and who we feel may have been a better choice in planning Harry's removal from Muggle land.

That's right. Drinking and swearing and making stupid jokes...did you miss us?!?!?!?

We jump right into the action and angst filled opening chapter of Order of the Phoenix!

Dudley still sucks but we give him more credit than his parents...Harry is sassy AND bad-assy in this chapter and even though she's not mentioned within the chapter it is important to mention that pink bitch is the worst 🤷‍♀️

No, we will never get our shit together...

Dumble is great in this chapter until he's not. Poliakoff gets justice; Hermione gets revenge. Draco is irrelevant and Harry just wants a little bit of humor in this fucked up world.

Hagrid is the best. ❤️

We have another Ravenclaw in the house...and this one is a mom...who has lots of feelings...about mom things...and also about FMK.

Sirius clutches his pearls, PomPom is amazing, Molly Weasley moms so hard and Snape doesn't totally suck.

We love Fudge. The item. Not Fudge the person. He sucks.

Sponsor us, Fudge! (The item).

Be like Ashley.

Adam quotes The Room (again) and Tara's win from chapter 33 is a major surprise. We are cheering so much for Harry this chapter. He's fantastic in such a dire situation...also, major props to Daniel Radcliffe in the movie. Speaking of the movie, this chapter gets a better grade than virtually any other in this entire book.

Voldy has nobody to blame but himself for this fuck-up...seriously, dude.

Bertha Jorkins likes wine. Cannon.

100th episode coming at you next week!!!!!

Melodrama at its finest.

Y'all - Cedric's death is sad, OKAY? Also, is Skinnydick no longer able to become a rat? 

APOTHIC RED WHY U NO SPONSOR US?!?!

Also, the world is broken because Tara wishes for Snape to be in this chapter.

SO MUCH happens in this chapter and they don't even bother to put ANY of it in the movie. 

Don't send death threats to people you don't know...or, people, period.

*Bring in the dancing lobsters.

Stephen is here! We discuss gift giving, why Ravenclaws are (often) assholes (again), and the drama of being a teenager. If you're heterosexual, it's fine- but don't be a straight person.

Chinese cookies are harsh, man.

Family vacation- do not recommend. Tomorrow is Adam’s birthday!!! Send wine to his house...also, it’s Thanksgiving eve, so enjoy having a kind-of excuse to eat all the carbs tomorrow...ANYWAY, that’s not what this episode is about.  So, in the episode, we talk about sports and we know SO MUCH about sports...there are fouls and sports terms and all that. ….so buckle in, because we know about sports. Yeah. SPORTS!

Dudley has no time to be a dick in this book. Also Sassy Harry is HERE! Hey mailman, MIND YA BUSINESS! 

Being Hedwig must be exhausting.

Shoutout to Abby for emailing us and for your awesome divination insight! 

Snape is a child.