Being A Better Man

235 – The Return…With guest Les Moore

Alf Herigstad — Sun, 10 Dec 2017 21:49:35 -0500

The Return! With special guest, Les Moore.

That’s right guy’s, I’m back!

It has been almost three whole months since I have released a new podcast. The last episode, number 234 went live on September 18th. Since then my life got a little crazy and I had some unfortunate technical challenges to overcome. During this three month Hiatus I have made a lot of observations, I have gained many insights, and I have continued on the path of being a better man than I was yesterday. I plan to share these insights with you in upcoming episodes. Today however, for my first episode back in a while we have a special guest who is going to share his personal story with us.

This interview has been scheduled for about three months as well. In fact we sat down and recorded it one day several weeks ago and that was when I realized that my technology was not working…it didn’t record. Now thankfully, that issue is resolved and and I am finally able to share this inspiring interview with you.

This guest started out as a listener of of this show and I noticed him pretty early on for two reasons. One, because he was always liking things and leaving some comments and two, because he had kind of an unusual name that I really liked.

Being named Alf all my life, I kind of have a thing for unusual, clever names, I appreciate them. This persons name was Les Moore. Get it? Less…more? Anyway, He and I had a few interactions over the course of time and one day he sent me a letter really explaining what he has been up to. When I heard his story I knew immediately that he should be a guest on the show because he epitomizes what we are trying to do here at Being A Better Man.

Les Moore hails from Pennsylvania. He is a 47 year old married father of two daughters. In January of 2014 Les decided that he wasn’t totally happy with himself for reasons I’ll let him explain. He made a decision that would alter the course of not only his own life, but also the lives of his wife and daughters and probably everyone else that knew him. Les Moore decided to become a healthy, vital, man.

When he made this decision he weighed 234 pounds. He was on prescriptions for high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Today he weighs 185 pounds, that means he lost 62 pounds of fat, and he is totally off all prescriptions. His blood pressure and cholesterol are normal. Not only that, Les decided to go the extra mile and do the work it took to become an International Sports Sciences Association certified fitness professional. That’s right, Les became a personal trainer and he is training people in his home studio.

One of my favorite parts of Les’ story is that he did something I always talk about here; he became an example for his entire family. He became such an example that he inspired his wife Lori to get into the gym and she has lost a staggering 130 pounds as well.

There are some things I want you to pay special attention to in this interview:

Les’ motivation, the reason he made this decision to become healthy.
What is the biggest payoff Les has noticed.
Process goals vs. Outcome goals.
Advice for the holiday’s
Les’ personal message to all of you out there who may want to make a change.

Here is a picture of Les, before and after his transformation. From 234 pounds to 185 pounds.

Contact Les:

Here are links to hook up with Les and ask him questions, or take advantage of his on-line services. He offered to be a resource…so take him up on it.

https://m.facebook.com/les.moore.7906

http://www.issacertifiedtrainer.com/lesmoore

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

234 – Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 18 Sep 2017 23:59:52 -0500

Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them…

Todays program is being brought to you by Stump Town Kilts! they are the makers of the finest kilts available. They are a sponsor of this show because I am a loyal customer of this company and i am happy to stand behind them with my name and reputation. I own three of these kilts and I plan on getting more. Everything about these kilts is top notch; the innovative design, the craftsmanship, the color selection and even the price. I wear them everywhere, doing everything. They are rugged enough for hard work and still nice enough for an evening on the town.

Because you are listening to this podcast, you are in luck! You are entitled to a substantial discount by being a Being A Better Man listener. All you have to do is go to their website at: stumptownkilts.com. After you pick out your new kilt just enter the code: betterman at checkout, all lower case, all one word. Do that, and you will become the ecstatic owner of a new Stump Town kilt, at a discounted price. Check them out today at stumptownkilts.com .

This week I got a letter from a listener named Kyle. Kyle was wondering if I would talk about something specific, that being; overcoming failure in your life.

The kind of failure Kyle was talking about is the same kind of failure each of us have experienced in one way or another. I’m not talking about big things like failing to pass the bar exam or failing to become a millionaire by the time you are 30. No, I’m talking about those little everyday failures. The kinds of things that make you feel regret about who you are and what kind of man you are being.

The example Kyle used in his letter was from his own experience. He had been doing well with all of the goals he had set for himself and then one day he went to a casino. He proceeded to get drunk and spend way too much money, he gambled with family money, went home to his wife drunk, and then did the same thing the following day. In his own words, he “made a fool of himself”.

We have all done things that we regret after the fact. Maybe you cheated on your wife, or cheated on a test at school? Perhaps you acted inappropriately at an office party? Maybe you let someone down who was really counting on you? You may have treated someone badly for no reason, and now you regret it? There are countless scenarios I could recite and eventually I would get around to that thing you have done. I’ve already named some of the things I have done. Look, none of us are perfect and we are going to make mistakes. We will have errors in judgement.

The listener who posed this question, Kyle, refers to these as failures, and he wants to know how you should deal with these things as a man, and how to overcome them.

It’s a great question, but right off the bat I’m going to change the wording. I personally don’t like using the word failure in my vocabulary. Some years ago I realized that every so called ‘failure’ was also an opportunity to improve. Failure has such negative connotation. If you go around thinking of yourself as a failure then you will continue to fail—at least that’s my opinion on it.

I prefer to call these types of things mistakes, or errors in judgement. Some mistakes are way bigger and have more consequences than others but at the end of the day…it was still an error in judgement that led to it.

So, how should we deal with ourselves when we have committed one of these egregious mistakes, and how can we overcome them? In answer to that question I’ll point out that there are two kinds of people in the world. There are people that keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. Then there are people that make a mistake once or twice, and learn from the experience. The people that learn from the experience don’t make that mistake again. They will go on to make other mistakes because they are human—but they won’t make that one again.

There are several things that you should definitely NOT do when you make a horrible mistake. I’ll list a few of those here.

You should not justify it in any way. By justifying I mean making excuses so that it doesn’t seem as bad as it is. Some people justify their bad behavior by pointing out other people bad behavior, as though that make it OK. It doesn’t. Do not try to justify your bad behavior.
Some guys will become so riddled with guilt and shame over a bad mistake that they aren’t any good for themselves or anyone else. This is extremely counter productive…so don’t do that.
Don’t try to cover it up. Covering it up doesn’t make it go away. It will eat at you like poison because you know what you have done. In the meantime, while you are basting in the guilt of your actions, you have become less of a man.
Do not blame anyone else or any circumstance or anything for your mistake. It’s your mistake. You are in complete charge of your actions and anything you do is your fault.

Ok, that’s the short list of what NOT to do. Now here is what I think you should do when you make this kind of mistake. There isn’t a list because there is only one item. It’s really simple. When you make this kind of mistake or error in judgement, you should own it. Everything you do becomes part of who you are. If you make a mistake just own it, admit it, be honest about exactly what you did that was incorrect regardless of the consequences. The consequences are yours, they are your property and they belong to you. Part of owning your misdeed is accepting the consequences of your actions like a man.

Some consequences are horrible, like losing your whole family, divorce, bankruptcy, prison, public humiliation, even death. The list goes on and on. What I’m telling you is that if you want to be a better man you cannot avoid the consequences for your actions.

If you have that mindset, it may make a difference in how you make decisions going forward. You may actually be inclined to make fewer of these horrible kinds of mistakes if you believe that everything you do becomes part of who you are along with the consequences.

Many mistakes are not so horrible though. They are like bumps in the road and these are the kinds of mistakes most people make regularly. The same rules apply, you have to own the things you do. These more minor mistakes are where I see the most opportunity though. It’s almost impossible to improve or move forward without making mistakes along the way. Every one of these mistakes is a huge opportunity to learn and grow as a man.

That’s the second part of my answer to Kyle. He asked how do you overcome these things. My answer is simply to own them, and learn by them. If you are in that second category of people who learn from your mistakes then you are already overcoming them. If you keep making the same mistakes over and over again then you either need professional help, or you need to wake up and realize that there is another way to do life.

I’ll be honest with you, I have been where Kyle was. I have disappointed people in my life that mattered. In my life I have said and done things that there was no excuse for, I’m no saint. However, I did have the capacity to learn from these things and ultimately, many of the mistakes I have made have caused me to become a better man than I was before. Because I paid attention, I learned, and I chose to be better, but it all starts with owning the things you do.

I hope that answered your question Kyle. If you have a question for me I would love to hear it. There is a form here at the website, or you can just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men.

That’s it for today guys, now head out into the world and remember that everything you do and say becomes part of who you are. We are the sum total of all our experience, and that includes the not so great stuff. If you own the things you do and learn from them, you will become a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

233 – There Are Always Options

Alf Herigstad — Sat, 09 Sep 2017 00:59:14 -0500

There Are Always Options…

After a very long period of silence It is I, Alf Herigstad, back at the Being A Better Man Microphone. It feels really great to be back. It seems like a very long time since I recorded an episode and in reality it has been exactly 3 weeks. 21 days since I have released an episode. That is the longest absence I have ever had and I was a little worried about what the consequences would be. I was concerned that everyone would just go away and listenership would plummet.

I’m happy to report that during my absence 8,476 people still listened to the podcast. That’s awesome. Thank you all for hanging in there.

As I told you in the last episode, the reason for my absence is that I was going to the Burning Man festival with my wife, father, and uncle. I was going to be separated from technology for a while because I was going to be camping out in the Nevada desert. Now I am back though, and I have some stories to tell. Some insights to share.

The first thing I want to report is that we had an amazing time. It was a fantastic experience with my dad and uncle who are both in their 80’s. We saw epic art and we witnessed extreme cases of human innovation. We met people from many countries and made a lot of new friends. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbow’s though. There were some hard lessons to learn as well on this adventure. Hard lessons are the best kind, because they teach you the most.

Before I continue with the rest of this episode I want you to take a wild guess about what I was wearing the whole time I was gone. That’s right! I was wearing Stump Town kilts…what else? I took my black kilt and my green kilt to burning man with me, and I trashed them. The black one was especially destroyed. When I got home it was no longer black. It had become so impregnated with dust and dirt that it was gray. I thought it would never be the same but after it came out of the wash it looked black and beautiful again.

I’m telling you guys, these are the best kilts out there. They are durable beyond measure, comfortable, and the unique design makes them extraordinarily useful as well.

Stump Town Kilts happens to be a sponsor of this show and if you go to their website: stumptownkilts.com and pick out your new kilt you can receive 10% off your entire purchase by entering the code: betterman, at checkout. All lower case, all one word. Check them out today at stumptownkilts.com and enter the code betterman to receive your discount.

The overriding lesson I learned from this experience is also the title of this podcast; “There Are Always Options”. As I go on you will understand what I mean by that.

The plan was that my wife, dad and I would drive down from Washington to meet my uncle in Reno and then head up to the event. We were in a 2004 Dodge Grand caravan and it was loaded well beyond capacity with all of our provisions. Even the top was stacked up with about three feet of stuff.

You need to take a lot of stuff to a thing like this because nothing is provided for you. All of your infrastructure, food, water and other supplies are up to you.

Anyway, we were happily making our way towards Reno with no problems until we where about 20 miles from our destination. That’s when our car threw a rod. It started knocking like crazy and lost power. We coasted down a mountain and limped into the hotel parking lot where my uncle waited. We got a mechanic to come and give us an official diagnosis. After looking at it he said the worst thing that he could have said. He said we needed a new engine.

So there we were, 670 miles from home with a car that needed a new engine. Not to mention all the stuff that was packed into that car. Our hearts sunk…we didn’t know what we were going to do.

That is when I first started repeating the phrase that there are always options. I was very concerned…don’t get me wrong. I thought we might be in a world of crap but I also knew I had to keep my spirits up. I knew there were options and until we explored every one it was way too early to throw in the towel.

We got on the internet and started looking for adequate replacement vehicles we could buy locally. We found some, but they were all way out of our budget. We drove around in my uncles pickup to several car lots and got the same result.

Then my dad and uncle had a suggestion. They suggested we go to the local junk yard and see what they had for sale, because they sold cars too. I was dubious, as was my wife. Buying a car from a junkyard would have never entered our minds…but, it was one of the options that came up. I had been chanting the fact that there were always options, there was always a solution to every situation and since this option presented itself, I had to explore it.

We went to the junkyard and every car for sale there was about $1,000. We quickly ruled out several of them because they obviously wouldn’t work. There was one car there that I found interesting though. It was a 2003 Windstar mini van. Essentially the same size and configuration as our broken car.

We started it up and it seemed to run fine. The inside seemed clean and besides being low on brake fluid, we really couldn’t find anything wrong with it. We decided to buy that car after talking them down to $750. We transferred all the stuff from our old car to the new one and continued on our journey to Burning Man, we only lost one day on our itinerary. We donated our old car to the same junk yard.

I gotta tell you, it was a bit stressful. Now we were driving straight out into the desert in a car we bought from a junk yard. We didn’t know if we would make it or not. All we had was hope in that moment. Hope, and the knowledge that whatever happened…there would still be options.

Magically, the car made it to the festival without a hitch. We parked and set up our amazing camp and enjoyed the next few days as though nothing had happened. It truly was an amazing few days. We got to show my dad and uncle stuff they had never seen before. I got to hear stories from them I had never heard and I told some stories they had never heard. It was a once in a lifetime unique experience that I am very grateful for.

The thing about big experiences like this is that it’s hard to put it in words. It’s very difficult to explain something that was so big and complex. You cannot simultaneously recount every great thing that happened or explain every profound moment. It takes a bit of time to sort it all out—to process it in your mind.

I’ve been home about four days now. Yes, that junkyard car brought us safely all the way back home and I have been doing some very diligent processing. I’m going to share the results of some of this high level pondering with you right now. The main thing I came up with is that the stars of this whole experience were my dad Ron, and his brother Bob. These guys were amazing. Throughout my entire car crisis they never lost a step. They stayed calm and upbeat, they were certain it would all work out. Nothing rattled their cage.

They continued to joke and laugh and simply live in the moment regardless of what was going on around them. Early in the festival the air conditioner quit working in my uncles RV and it was 107 degrees outside. No problem…they would just drink more water. I was proud to go with them into other camps and watch people admire their story and appreciate them for the men that they were. I could see the admiration in the eyes of others as these two old guys dressed like cowboy’s just made friends everywhere they went. It was all about Ron and Bob…I was just the nephew or the son, and I was happy to be. Watching these guys reaffirmed in me that there is literally nothing in life worth getting upset over. In 80 plus years they have seen it all; tragedy, victory, pain, glory, triumph, death and life. They reminded me that the world keeps spinning around regardless of what we do. Getting bent out of shape about something does not change the outcome, so we may as well be as happy as we can in the meantime.

I have said before on this show that I continue to learn from my father, he continues to be my mentor and my example of what manhood is. Now, being in the presence of these two brothers during this experience has made that statement even more true. At 55 years old I still have so much to learn from my elders. Regardless of your age or your station in life don’t forget that. You still have much to learn. We all still have so much to learn and the ones to teach us are those who have already gone through it.

So I encourage everyone to seek out the wisdom of men older than you. Wether they are family, a neighbor, or someone you meet on the street—take the time to hear them. Take advantage of their stories and experience and put it to work in your own life.

Utilizing the experience, wisdom, and knowledge of men older than you is a very effective human strategy, it has been working since our species began. It’s also another tool to use while you are being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to check me out on Facebook and Twitter. Write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me how much you missed me, or ask me a question or whatever you want, I love getting mail from you guys. Don’t forget to get my book either if you haven’t.

Now head out into the world and be ready to appreciate the wisdom of the older gentleman who have already done the things you hope to do. Remember there are always options, and above all, keep on being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

232 – Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A Better Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 18 Aug 2017 07:05:26 -0500

Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A better Man…

As many of you know, since starting this podcast some 232 episodes ago I have been very diligent about not getting political. I have not discussed politics or religion or anything else that tends to divide people. My reason for that is because I have always found it more beneficial to focus on things that make us similar to other people…rather than the things that make us different.

I still believe that is true. For example, we are all men, regardless of what color we are or what political party we are aligned with or what Gods we pray to. At the end of the day, we are just human men, trying to be better than we were yesterday. Nothing positive has ever been gained from dividing people into groups based on these types of things. That is why I have steered away from this kind of thing and instead have been focused on manhood in such a way that it can apply to everyone.

Well, today it may seem like I am veering from that course a bit. Today I will be making a very pointed observation about something going on right now. If it offends you, you are free to never listen to me again. If it offends you, then you are obviously not aligned with the message this podcast offers. I would add that if you are offended by today’s podcast to at least also give yourself the benefit of hearing me out.

Before I get into all that I am going to take a minute to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s program, Stump Town Kilts. One thing I want you to know about these kilts is that they aren’t just clothes. They are not just another garment. In my personal experience these kilts are actually gear. What I mean is that they are built and designed to perform a job, and they do it very well.

I have three of these kilts and I have beat them up. I live an active life and I tend to destroy things in record time, especially clothes…just ask my wife. I have put these three kilts through the stress test and still every time when I take them out of the washer they still look great. That’s what I mean by gear—they just keep on performing and looking great for everything I need them to do.

It’s all because of the way they are crafted. Each kilt Stump Town makes is attended to by people who actually give a crap about what kind of product they are selling. Combine that with the innovative design and other features that are exclusive to Stump Town and you wind up with the best kilt available in my opinion.

Right now you can get a substantial discount on your very own Stump Town Kilt simply by entering the code; betterman at checkout. All lower case, all one word. To get there, just type in stumptownkilts.com but whatever you do, remember to enter the code betterman at checkout.

Ok, so now it’s time to talk about today’s topic. The reason I feel compelled to talk about it is because our country is in strife right now. For those of you listening from countries outside the US I’m sure you have heard of it as well. Our country is being divided—pulled apart. People are polarized to levels I have never seen in my lifetime.

I am not going to talk about all the causes and all the various schools of thought though. Today I’m going to narrow it down to just one subject in particular because it deals directly with men. The character of men and the behavior of men.

I just watched one of the many videos out there that show what was happening on the streets of Charlottesville VA. What I saw were grown men, cowardly men, striking a woman and knocking her down, spitting on her and screaming at her.

I saw people being hit with objects and with fists and other acts of violence. All for no reason, other than the fact that the people they were hitting had a different opinion. Or they were a different color, or they were defending someone of a different color.

The people responsible for the violence, to include the death of one woman who was ran over by a car, call themselves white nationalists. From what I understand that includes white supremacists of every stripe, Nazi’s, the ku klux klan, skin heads, and other such groups. From what I understand many of these groups were represented that day in Charlottesville.

Many people in America are coming unhinged right now because after the tragic events that occurred the President gave a speech. In that speech he spoke out against hate in all of it’s forms, but he never directly denounced or condemned the actions of these violent demonstrators or called their groups out by name. When attacked for that he doubled down and defended his lack of condemnation. Then, two full days after the speech under huge political pressure—he finally called them by name.

Some defenders of these violent hate groups are defending them by saying that are not Nazi’s, merely disaffected, frustrated white youth asserting themselves. That might wash it it were not for the Nazi slogans, rhetoric, and salutes.

I’m not a news reporter. I’m not here to tell you what happened or what I think of it from a political perspective. I am just a guy who talks to men about trying to be better men. So I’m here to go on the record with my official statement about these hate groups.

I condemn these groups, their agenda, and the actual people within these groups that use this agenda to cause harm to other humans. Furthermore, I believe these men are not actually men at all, not even the old ones. Rather I believe them to be ignorant, frustrated boys who for the first time in their pathetic life found a way to feel powerful by diminishing others. They are cowards. I’ll go on to say that if you are a white supremacist of any kind that it is impossible for you to be a better man. If you are any kind of supremacist at all, if your life is fueled by hate of any kind, it is impossible to be a better man until you change the way you think.

The really sad part to me is that a lot of these guys are literally boys. Very young men without the experience or wisdom to realize they were getting swept up into something that was bad…and stupid. That is a sad thing because it means the other men in their lives prior to that if there were any, were not doing their job. they weren’t being the example they needed to be. It’s no excuse of course, they are all responsible for the path they have chosen.

However, there may be guys out there on the verge. Guys frustrated with the hand life has dealt them. They may be drawn to the rhetoric and promises of power, unity, and freedom that these groups offer. These guys are on the edge, they have not pulled the trigger yet. There is still hope for these guys. That hope comes in the form of everyone else around them taking the time to inform and educate them about their decision and opinions. If any guys in that boat are listening I invite you to write to me. I also urge you to be responsible for your own mind. Do some research, look at history. Do not blindly follow anyone, do not be a sheep. Don’t even follow me, instead be your own man with your own mind who makes your own decisions about what is right.

You know as I was watching this video I put myself in the place of a Jewish man, as a group with torches was chanting anti-semitic slogans. I became angry. I could almost imagine for a moment what that must feel like. To be a Jewish person and hearing these chants. I could almost imagine it, but not quite, because I am not a Jewish man. I still became very angry though.

Do not confuse what I’m saying. I have zero problem with people being proud of their ethnicity, I am very proud and happy that I am Norwegian for example. I am proud of my ancestors and the trials they prevailed through. It’s good to know where my family came from. I’m not better than anyone else because I’m Norwegian though. If I’m going to be better than anyone, it has to be the man I was yesterday. It has to be by my own efforts and not because I happened to be born a certain shade.

I think every person should be proud of their ethnicity, or have the freedom to be if they want to. That does not include putting people of other ethnicities down though…that’s just stupid.

I am an American of Norwegian descent, but that is not the first thing I am. The first thing I am is a human being. The second thing I am is a man, followed by a husband and son and father. Being Norwegian comes after all this other stuff. We are all just human beings. We are part of the same race, the human race.

My advice to all the decent people out there who are listening is this; 1.) Speak out intelligently about these matters when you see them raised. If you need to educate yourself first in order to speak intelligently about it, do that. 2.) It may be difficult, but try not to hate the hate groups. Hate of any kind is unhealthy and unproductive. Hatred is a disease and it is not an effective weapon. A much more effective weapon is reason and logic. You might pity them for their ignorance. You might dislike them intensely as I do, but try not to hate them. If you hate them then you aren’t so different from them. 3.) Always, every day, stay committed to the mission of being a better man than you were yesterday. Every man who does this is making a difference in the world.

That’s all I’m going to say about that for today. I welcome your letters on this topic. Just email me at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me whats on your mind. Remember though, I’m leaving for an adventure in the Nevada desert on August 23rd and I won’t get back until September 3rd. So there may be a delay on my response, but I will respond. Also, because I will be out of town and away from technology there won’t be any podcast for the next couple of weeks. The next time you here me will be during the week of September 4th. If you want to be sure and catch me when I come back just subscribe to this podcast on iTunes and you should be notified when I return. Or, follow me on Facebook, you’ll be sure to see me there as well.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

231 – Plan Your Next Adventure!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 16:50:11 -0500

Plan Your Next Adventure!

I don’t know about all of you out there, but I am in full blown summer schedule with everything now. You may have noticed that I have only been releasing episodes on Friday lately, that is evidence that I am super, super busy with the things that summer is demanding of me.

Besides the farm, and our property, and relatives visiting and events of all kinds to attend one thing that has had me incredibly busy lately is that I am preparing to go on an adventure. That’s right—an adventure.

The adventure I’m going on is my wife and I are bringing my 81 year old father and his 83 year old brother to the Burning Man festival in Nevada. I’m calling it the generational legacy tour of 2017.

There are lots of different opinions out there about burning man, and there are still some people that don’t even know what it is. Some people think it’s a den of iniquity where the devil’s minions gather. Other people think it’s just a bunch of dirty hippies running around naked and doing drugs. Other folks think it’s awesome and some people actually go to appreciate the colossal art built in the middle of the desert. Some people go to hear the lectures about all kinds of amazing things.

Well, I have been to burning man once in 2015. From my experience burning man can be all of these things, or none of these things. I found that it’s really up to the person going—you get exactly the kind of experience at burning man that you design for yourself. Just like in life.

There are around 80,000 people at this festival. They build an actual city in the middle of a dry lakebed called Black Rock City, and then they tear it down. Burning man has a “leave no trace” ethos. After it’s over no trace is left, no garbage, no cigarette butts, nothing. That in itself is really quite remarkable.

Like any city there are parts of it that I have no interest in, parts that I will avoid. There are other parts that are amazing though.

There are several reasons I like going to burning man. One is simply the challenge of it. You can’t buy any food there. All of your sustenance must be brought with you for the entire week. You are in an extreme environment with blistering heat and cool nights, I’ve seen 70 mile per hour winds there, and dust storms. It’s very much like camping on the moon if it had oxygen. The dirt is fine as talcum powder, nothing grows there and there aren’t even any insects. I love seeing what that extreme environment does to peoples imagination and ingenuity. People come up with truly amazing ways to not only survive, but to thrive out there.

The other reason I like going is to witness the raw humanity. There is every kind of human you could imagine in this place, from all over the world. The labels we are so used to in everyday life seem to fall away. There are rich people and poor people, people of every diverse lifestyle and every socio-economic strata—but they all get along. They all bring something unique, and special to this common, extreme environment.

I also enjoy marveling at the things people have built. Not just the art, but the structures as well, and the amazing vehicles driving around in the desert. As a life long student of humanity, there isn’t a better place I know of to go and just witness humans, being humans.

I wanted to take my dad and uncle to this event because it’s a way for me to provide them with an experience unlike any they have ever had in their 8 plus decades of life on this planet. Isn’t that what life is kind of about? Gathering experiences and doing things you have never done before. These guys are in their 80’s and they have done so many things and been so many places in all that time. I know they have never done anything like this before though, and that’s why I felt it was important.

That’s why I’m talking about this today, because I believe that a key component of being a man is to embrace new experiences whenever you have the chance. It doesn’t have to be burning man, it can be anything you have never done before. That’s what adventures are made of; discovery and exploration of the world around us.

Adventure quickens your spirit and your mind. It causes you to think and wonder. Adventure forces you to know yourself better than you would have otherwise and the better you know yourself, the better man you are capable of being.

This year, part of my adventure will be sharing the experience with the best man I know, my father. It will be a memory and experience we will share for the rest of his days.

So that’s what I’ve been up to, just getting ready for this is a monumental feat. Taking four people to this thing requires a great deal of planning and a lot of work. It’s kind of a big responsibility because how well I prepare will have a huge impact on the quality of experience for the people with me.

What I’ll be wearing at Burning Man besides goggles and a dust mask, is a Stump Town Kilt. I wouldn’t think of going to this festival without it. There will be a lot of kilts there, and many of them will be made by Stump town. For several years my wife has volunteered as a Ranger out there. The Rangers are the interface between the participants and law enforcement. They are there to help people and provide assistance when needed and Stump Town might be official kilt of the Black Rock Rangers. If they aren’t, they should be. I don’t know of any other brand of kilt that would stand up better to the beating it will take at burning man. Not to mention how useful the huge hidden pocket will be out there. I’m taking all three of mine. Stump Town Kilts is the official sponsor of this program however, and one way you can support this show is by going to stumptownkilts.com and checking them out. When you get done shopping just enter the code: betterman at checkout. All lower case, all one word. When you do that you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. If you are going to Burning Man do it now so you get it before August 27th. If you aren’t going, do it anyway so you can have the best kilt available. Remember though, enter the code betterman to get your discount.

In wrapping this up today I really want to stress that one way to be a better man is to plan an adventure with someone you love. Whoever it is in your world. Could be your dad or uncle. Could be your brother or your best friend. It could be anyone that has given something of themselves for you over the years. Think of something neither of you have ever done and plan an adventure. Spend that time and energy on creating an experience that will be with you both forever. In the process you will learn things about your self and each other that are extremely valuable. It doesn’t have to be grand and expensive, it only needs to be a new experience. It could be as simple as a road trip to a city you’ve never been to. Or climbing a local mountain just to see whats on top of it.

I spent several years of my life with no adventures. I was too involved in the rat race. I was too busy working to take the time to explore and discover. Looking back I think that was a mistake. For the rest of my life I’m going to try and have at least one adventure every year…maybe even more.

Well that’s it for today guys. Now head out into the big world and start thinking about your next adventure, and who you will experience it with. Adventure can enhance your life, and help you be a better man than you were yesterday at the same time.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

230 – When It’s Hard Being A Father

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 04 Aug 2017 07:05:50 -0500

When It’s Hard Being A Father…Be A better Man!

Hello Men!

As I predicted a few weeks ago the summer schedule has been a little tough. I have not been doing three episodes a week like many of you are used to. There was no Monday or Wednesday episode this week. Summers are always busy up here in the Pacific Northwest but this summer has been particularly so. What I can guarantee is that you will be able to count on the Friday episodes every week. As the weather changes heading into September I suspect things will return to normal though.

Because this is a Friday episode I am honor bound to tell you about the sponsor of this show, a company called Stump Town Kilts. When a lot of people think of kilts they imagine plaid garments worn by men toting bagpipes and marching in a funeral or something. While those are definitely traditional Tartan kilts…that is not what I’m talking about. Stump Town Kilts makes modern kilts for the contemporary man and woman. They are garments of comfort, designed with style and function in mind and suitable for everyday use. I own three of these kilts and I have done literally everything wearing them from the dirty jobs to the fancy events. They are durable and comfortable in the dirt, and they look fantastic when you are wanting to get noticed at a social event. These kilts have several innovative features that their competitors do not possess like the adjustable sizes and snap on accessories for example. They come in a variety of colors and even the rivets have options; you can get brass, gun metal, or chrome rivets.

If you have ever thought of owning a kilt, or if you have an old dusty kilt you never wear because it doesn’t fit quite right anymore or it’s too much trouble making it hang right. Then a kilt from Stump Town is the only kilt you should consider. Listeners of this program can get a substantial discount simply by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman, at checkout. all lower case, all one word. Do that and you will receive your special discount. Do yourself a favor and check out stumptownkilts.com today.

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Ok guys today I want to talk about an aspect of fatherhood. A lot of the things we talk about here can apply equally to anyone. Many of the topics we deal with have to do with human character and people who are not a man can get something out of it as well, that’s why we have so many non-man listeners and I welcome them. However, there are some things that are specific to being a man, and fatherhood is one of them.

Within the realm of fatherhood there is an aspect of it, a phenomenon that is relatively new in human life and specific to the modern times we are living in. What I’m talking about is when men are involuntarily separated from their children, as a direct result of relationship failure with the mother.

This can be a touchy, emotionally charged topic, but it’s also a fact of modern life and I feel like I need to talk about it a little bit. This is something I have dealt with personally in my life. Many, many men I know have also dealt with it. My own son is still dealing with it right now and I just got a letter from a long time listener named Tom where he told me about the struggles he is going through regarding access to his children. It’s a real thing, a heart wrenching thing, and as men we really need to think about from every angle.

In my opinion, the highest calling any man has in life, the most profound, prestigious, important position he will ever hold is that of a father. Becoming a father is a mans best opportunity to influence the future, to leave a legacy, to alter humanity in some way by passing on what he has become and lessons he has learned to the next generation.

Sadly, there are many men who do not give fatherhood the weight it deserves. There are men who create children and then spend the rest of their life avoiding their responsibilities. I’ll never understand that, it’s tragic. I can’t imagine why a man would give up the best part of what being a man is, when he chooses not to be a father to his children. I can only assume that it’s because many of those men did not have a benefit of a father in their own life. They were not raised with that example and therefore have no real idea of what they are missing out on. Whatever the case, this tragic fact makes it even more important that good men do their best when it comes to being a father.

Like I said earlier, men being denied access to their children is a relatively new phenomenon in human life. Even a hundred years ago society was much different, men were largely in charge of everything. It was truly a mans world and if a man wanted his children with him then that is what would happen. Women did not have the support of the courts and in most cases they were financially dependent on men for their survival. To be clear—that was not a good thing either. Inequity is inequity no matter how it is apportioned, and motherhood is equally as important to a child’s life as fatherhood is.

The inequity women have suffered at the hands of men goes back to the beginning of time. We men have only been experiencing this in recent history. The issue though, is not who has suffered the most or what gender has been treated unfairly. The issue is, and should always be, the welfare of the children. When a parent who loves and cares for their child is denied access to that child, it is the child who suffers most.

So here we are now, in a world where both father’s and mother’s play spiteful, vindictive games of revenge and power struggles at the expense of our next generation. Children are treated like commodities or possessions rather than as human beings who crave and need a balanced life, and love from both of their parents. It is a sad state of affairs.

It is gradually getting better in some places. The rights of fathers are being recognized on a larger scale than when I went through it 25 years ago, but we have a long way to go.

In the meantime, there are men and children suffering the pain of forced separation. Some men who feel the weight and hopelessness of it just throw up their hands and quit trying. Others resort to violence born of frustration. Neither of these reactions helps the child.

I don’t intend to paint women as the only offenders here. I know of women who are also experiencing this because the father is wielding financial superiority and denying access to the mother. It is equally unfortunate regardless of which parent the children are being denied. However, I believe that this happens with greater frequency to men these days. I have often seen children being used as pawns—tools to manipulate the behavior of their fathers. Or simply used to make their fathers suffer emotionally, as compensation for a perceived injustice the mother has suffered. It’s all bad. It’s all wrong, and the ones who suffer the most are always the children.

Now I’m going to share some basic advice for men in this situation. This is not legal advice, it is my opinion. This is advice gained from my own experience, and also from the experience of other men I have witnessed go through it.

First some common sense. Take care not to become a father in the first place if you are not ready. If you are not in love with a woman and can’t see yourself sharing your entire life with her—for crying out loud take some precautions to not create a child. It isn’t rocket science, be the master of your biology, not a victim of it.
If you do happen to father a child with a woman you don’t love or can’t live with, what do you do? You be the best father you can, that’s what. The consequence of your lack of precaution is that you are no longer the most important thing in your life…your child is. Moving forward you must consider the welfare of this child first before you do anything—regardless of the mother’s actions. This is your obligation.
Pay whatever child support is ordered that you pay without complaining. Even if you are denied access. You are not paying for access…you are paying for the upkeep of a life you helped create. I lived in a semi truck for three years because I couldn’t afford to live in a house, because of child support. It’s just what I had to do in order to provide for my children. When you become a father, you come second.
Never quit attempting to gain access to your child. There are resources for fathers rights, seek them out and use them. Use whatever resources you can but never quit. This will pay off 18 years later when you get to know your child as an adult. They will know you never quit, and it will matter to them.
If you honestly deem the mother of your child to be unfit, or lacking in some way. If you sincerely believe that you would be a better parent. Then it is your obligation to gain custody of your child. This is what I did. It required a long, bloody, tedious, expensive and miserable battle in the court system but I eventually won custody of my children and it was worth every effort I made. Some of you might be thinking “holy crap! I can’t raise kids alone, I don’t know how. What if I screw up? I don’t have any idea what I’m doing here.” Hey…welcome to being a parent. Just do the best you can every day and love your children and it will work out. People have been doing it for thousands of years, you’ll figure it out.
This is an important one. Many dads only see their children 4 days a month; every other weekend and some holidays. Other dads are blessed with joint custody. Others may only get to talk on the phone with their children. Regardless of how much contact you have, perhaps the most important thing you can do for your children is never under any circumstance speak badly about their mother. Even if she is telling them horrible stories about you and trying to make them hate you as my children’s mother did, do not drop to that level. Children know they came from their parents. To hear that a parent they came from is bad in some way severely affects that child’s self esteem and self image. Remember, the most important thing here is the child. Not you and your feelings, and not their mother.
If you get access to your children, make it count. Don’t spoil them and buy them things out of guilt. Try hard to be the same dad you would if you were with them every day. It’s really hard, I struggled with this one myself. I wanted every precious moment to be wonderful and perfect, without any conflict. I overlooked bad behavior and spoiled them needlessly until I realized I was doing them a disservice. What they needed was a good, consistent, reliable dad—not a pal or best buddy. They needed my best example. They won’t always like you, and that’s ok—but they should always respect you.
It’s not always possible, in my case it was not. When possible though, do your utmost to co-parent with your children’s mother regardless of who has custody, who she is married to now, or who you are married to. Your child deserves the influence of both of you, and you cannot put your own petty emotions above that.
One of the most important things to remember is this. Your child will become an adult. They will be an adult for much, much longer than they are a child. Your basic objective as a parent is to raise them to be good, self sufficient, contributing members of society. Your secondary objective is to have a mutually rewarding relationship with them as an adult, to continue mentoring them and to ultimately know and extend influence to your grandchildren. When they become an adult the court no longer has jurisdiction. So you will have access to your child eventually. Everything you do when they are young, how you conduct yourself, the things you say and the example you are will come into play here. The quality of your relationship with your adult children relies entirely on the way you behave when they are children. They will come to know everything, it will all be revealed to them eventually. They will see both of their parents for the people and the parents they are—so, be the best one you can be. Even when it’s really, really hard. Being a dad is a grueling marathon, not a sprint.

My last bit of advice to anyone who has children is this. From the moment that little person was born you are no longer Bob or Joe or David…your name is dad now. It’s not just a name though, it’s a title, and a position. It is a privilege and a profound responsibility. It is your foremost identity and you must treat it as such. You owe something to this human you created, and that is to be a better man today than you were yesterday, and then keep doing that every day.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

229 – Living A Half-Assed Life

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 28 Jul 2017 07:05:47 -0500

Living A Half-Assed Life…

You have arrived at the podcast devoted exclusively to the topic of the character of men. We don’t talk about sports, or politics, or dating or fashion. Here we talk about the nuts and bolts of what it means to be a man in today’s world, we talk about living with character and purpose. We do this, so that you can apply it to your own life and become a better man today than you were yesterday. I am the host and creator of this show, my name is Alf Herigstad.

We are very fortunate to have a sponsor of these Friday episodes. A company I have partnered up with that helps me keep this show in production. That sponsor is Stump Town kilts. They are an American company located in Portland Oregon and they have the distinction of making the finest, most versatile, durable and attractive kilts on the market. I know—because I own three of them and have been a customer of theirs long before I even had a podcast.

I approached them to become a sponsor for that reason, because I wanted to represent a company and a product that I believe in 100%. Stump Town kilts have several features that other kilts just don’t have. Like the huge hidden pocket, the adjustable sizes, the snap on accessories, and because of the way they are made you don’t have to iron them. They also come in a variety of colors. I have a black, gray, and a green one, the next one I get will be brown but they also have a camouflage one.

I wear mine for every occasion from shearing sheep and chopping wood to fancy diners and officiating weddings. They are the perfect garment for any occasion. Right now, as a listener of this show you can get your very own Stump Town Kilt for a substantial discount. Go to stumptownkilts.com and do all your shopping. When you are checking out remember to enter the special code to get your discount, that code is: betterman. All lower case, all one word. Do that and you will receive your discount and also let them know you heard about it right here.

Today I’m going to talk a minute about someone I actually know. I won’t use his name and I’m sure he doesn’t listen to this show but I want to talk about him because he is a perfect example of something I call; living a half-assed life.

So this guy is in his mid thirties and I have know him for a few years, several in fact. We met by way of an organization we were both involved with that dealt with a shared interest. Pretty quickly I noticed that he only did things half way. He did just enough to survive and would do no more. Through the years I have witnessed this guy go through his life and the more I got to know him, the more I realized how deeply his culture of being half-assed went.

I watched him lose many jobs because most employers frown on people being half-assed at work. I watched him go through several relationships and then finally get married. Problem with that was, his marriage was even done half-assed. Not the ceremony itself, I wasn’t there…but how the relationship was structured, the level of commitment, everything was done half-assed so it was no surprise to me when it quickly fell apart.

I came to ultimately realize that literally everything in his life, his relationships, work, physical fitness, domestic situation, even his hobbies were all done with the same half-assed approach.

This all fascinated me. I spent a few years trying to figure it out, I even talked with him about it on a couple occasions. It fascinated me because he is not a stupid guy. In fact I liked him, he has a decent sense of humor and can carry on a good conversation. I kept waiting for him to wake up. I kept waiting for him to realize the consequences of living like that and have some sort of revelation, but he never did, even to this day.

There has not been any contact between he and I for several months but today I was talking with someone who has and I was sad to learn that nothing has changed. In fact, it has gotten worse. Now on top of everything else he is having horrible financial difficulties, no doubt a result from only being employed sporadically. So it seems the result of living a half-assed life, is that you wind up with a half-ass life. A Life that is only half as good as it could be. The next logical question in my mind is why would an otherwise intelligent person choose that for themselves?

I was venting about all this to my wife earlier because it boggles my mind. Almost every bad thing that has happened in his life was totally preventable. As my wife and I were talking I mentioned that I have known other people similar to this guy who eventually had a revelation, and turned their life around.

My wife said she had never known anyone who did that. She was of the belief that there are some people who are just born a certain way, and that is the same way they will die. She said they might be doing their very best, but to other people their best appears like a half-assed effort.

I thought about this for a minute. I rolled it around in my head. After some deliberation I decided that I just don’t agree. I can’t buy it because I have witnessed change in people. I have seen people do a complete 180 and through effort and focus turn their life into something good.

Granted, there are many people who suffer the consequences of their own actions for years and never pull out of it. They numb their pain with drugs or alcohol as their life slowly circles the drain and they feel like a victim the entire time. However, at the same time, there are other people who realize that every bad thing that ever happened to them is their fault. They decide they want to live and live well, they start making choices that will effect that outcome. They surround themselves with people that will be good examples, they abandon people and behavior that have been pulling them down.

Look I do not have all the answers. I’m on the same journey you are, trying to be a better man every day. Maybe my wife and I are both right? Maybe both kinds of people exist; those who can change and those who are incapable of it, I don’t know. What I do know is that there wouldn’t be any reason for me to do this show if I believed that everyone was destined to any particular lot in life. I believe that when a man becomes fed up with the consequences of his actions or lack of actions, that he can make a decision to improve his life.

Maybe there are some people listening like this guy I know, maybe you do everything half-assed and then wonder why your life sucks. There are probably a lot of guys listening that just do some things half-assed, and some guys that don’t do anything half-assed at all. What you should all do is determine where you are on that spectrum. If your life sucks right now maybe there is something you could do about that.

What if you approached everything in life with your full abilities, expecting to succeed and not ever settling for less than your best effort? I bet if you did that, no matter who you are, your life would improve. In fact if you did that, you would become a better man than you were yesterday.

Now head out into the world and realize that it’s all up to you. It’s your choice. You can choose to live a half-assed life, or you can choose to be a better man.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

228 – What Is Required To Be A Leader?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 24 Jul 2017 07:05:29 -0500

What Is Required To Be A Leader?

Welcome to the beginning of another glorious week in your life as a man. I think every man should be having a glorious life. If you are not currently having a glorious life, the bad news is that it’s probably your fault. The good news, is that every day is a brand new day, and you can be the creator of your own destiny. As men we have the power to create, imagine, dream and innovate. We can sculpt the world around us into what we desire through the strength of our own will. That’s the kind of stuff we talk about here. I am your host, and my name is Alf Herigstad.

I have a friend that I met through the medium of podcasting named Wally Carmichael. He lives in Hawaii and he is the host of his own podcast called “Men Of Abundance”. Wally and I are very aligned on issues that pertain to men, and I encourage you all to check out his show, there will be a link to it in the show notes as well.

The reason I’m bringing Wally and his show up is because I read something on his Facebook wall and I knew instantly that I was going to steal it and talk about it. I let him know, but I want to be sure and give credit where credit is due.

In this post Wally was talking about the essence of leadership. It was beautifully and accurately worded and I’m going to share it with you then talk about it for a little bit.

Wally wrote: “Men, if you have to tell someone you’re a leader, chances are, you’re not.

Those who chose to follow you make you a leader.

You’re position does not determine if you’re a leader.

Your age or seniority does not determine if you’re a leader.

Your skills determine if you’re a leader.

Not even being a dad and a husband make you a leader.

When others choose to follow you, then you’re leader.

That is not a free ticket to start managing other people’s life. You must remain humble in your position as a leader and continue being the man others have chosen to follow and or walk along side you.”

So that’s what he wrote. I love this. To me this is like poetry that doesn’t rhyme. I think one reason this speaks so loudly to me is because during my life I have known so many men who got this completely wrong. so called “leaders” who abused their title because they didn’t understand it.

I think some leaders are born, it just comes naturally to them and it isn’t something they asked for or even necessarily want. I believe there are others who learn how to become leaders throughout the course of their life. Since it can be learned and improved upon, I classify leadership as a skill.

Wally said: “Those who choose to follow you, are who makes you a leader.” No truer words have ever been spoken. The very important word in this sentence is “choose”. People choose to follow a true leader, they aren’t made or coerced to follow. Lets think a minute about why any man or person would choose to follow another man.

I know what it takes for me to follow someone. First I would have to trust that person, he would have proven to me that he only says things he means. His words have weight, and they would be backed up by his deeds.

Secondly, if I were to think of a man as my leader then he would have to have a great deal of confidence. Not bravado or arrogance, but real natural confidence that was earned through his own experience. Confidence earned through living and navigating his own mistakes. The kind of confidence a man only displays when they truly know themselves.

Thirdly, If I were to follow this man and call him my leader then I would have seen evidence that he had genuine care for the people that followed him. He would not wield his authority as a club, but rather as a staff that others could hang onto and be pulled forward with. It would be obvious that he viewed his position of leadership as a position of service—as a responsibility.

The fourth thing I would expect from my leader would be competence, which is kind of a result of having the before mentioned things. Evidence of a competent man is someone who is decisive, he takes action when he needs to. His solutions often prove fruitful. The implementation of his ideas benefit not only himself, but the people who chose to follow him as well.

The last thing I would require from a leader is humility. As Wally put it; “You must remain humble in your position as a leader and continue being the man others have chosen to follow, or walk along side of.” How many times have you seen leadership or authority go to someones head? Once that happens, it’s over. They are no longer leading at that point. They have became entitled by the very trust and faith people have put in them. Betrayed by their own ego, and usually at the ultimate expense of those who followed them.

A true leader reminds himself every day of his own personal challenges and faults, and continues to make improvements in his own humanity. In other words, a true leader is a better man today than he was yesterday, and he does that every day.

So, that’s what it would take for me to follow a man. It might seem like a strict list, and it should be. There are not many men who fill all of these requirements, but there have been a few. My dad is at the top of the list. He is a fantastic leader of mine and he’s so humble he doesn’t even realize it. He leads almost exclusively with his own example.

I suppose when I was younger I was more lenient when it came to what kind of man I would follow. The bar was a bit lower because I was at an earlier stage in my own development and there was much to learn from many people. The older I get, the more I require. The more I expect out of anyone who would presume to be my leader.

You should ask yourself what kind of man you would follow. Right down a list of things you would require from a leader. When you get all done take a look at that list and then ask yourself how many of those qualities you possess. Seriously—if you require certain traits from a leader then should’t you also possess them, so that you can be qualified to lead yourself?

A man doesn’t always have a leader to turn to, and in those times we have only ourselves. When you think about it, before a man can lead others he should first become an effective leader for himself, shouldn’t he?

That’s all I have on this for today guys, I want you to chew on that for a couple days and I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. You can always email me at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Thanks to Wally Carmichael and his podcast; Men Of Abundance for the inspiration. You should all go check him out.

Now head out into the world and wether or not you ever find yourself in a leadership position of other people, strive every day to be a good leader for yourself, that’s where it begins. Strive to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

227 – One Of The Worst Things You Can Do

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 21 Jul 2017 07:05:21 -0500

One Of The Worst Things You Can Do…

It is time once again for Being A better Man, the podcast focused exclusively on the character of men in all of its various forms. I am your humble sherpa on this journey, my name is Alf Herigstad, I’m the creator and host of this show.

Before I delve into today’s content I’m going to take a moment to acknowledge the sponsor of our Friday episodes: StumpTown Kilts. Stump town Kilts is a company located in Portland Oregon, also known as “Stump Town”. It is there that a few brave, industrious souls dedicate their life to the creation of what I believe to be the best kilts money can buy. Each kilt is expertly crafted with the finest most durable material. The designs are both functional and innovative, which means they have features other kilts do not. Such as the huge hidden pocket, adjustable sizes and snap on accessories. One of my favorite features is that I don’t have to iron them.

In addition to having an amazing kilt that will be the envy of everyone who see’s you, you will also have the privilege of dealing with the people who work there. They are all great people who really care about your comfort and appearance when you are wearing their product.

Right now you can receive a substantial discount as a listener of this show. Just go to stumptownkilts.com. It’s an easy website to navigate. Pick out your color, size and accessories and then when you check out enter the code: betterman, all one word all lower case. When you do that you will receive your discount and you will also let them know you are a listener of Being A better Man. Go to stumptownkilts.com and enter the code: betterman today.

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We all have certain things that disgust us right? One of the things that disgusts me is when I hear a grown man complaining about his wife or girlfriend, running her down to other people, demeaning and disrespecting her. I really don’t enjoy hearing men complain about anything at all, I think it’s pathetic…but it is particularly nauseating to me when a man will complain about his significant other.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s one thing to confide some legitimate problem you are having to a friend, seeking advice and counsel. I don’t consider that complaining. Sometimes we have to do that to work things out.

What I’m talking about is when guys will complain about someone just for the sake of complaining. Or when they will try to be funny by saying derogatory things, at the expense of someone who isn’t there to defend themselves. Also, when a guy will call his significant other vulgar names and speak about her in disrespectful, unflattering terms.

It happens all the time and I’m sure you have heard someone do this. Perhaps, you have been guilty of this yourself on occasion. There are several reasons I have a problem with this.

For one thing, when a man is in a relationship he has a basic function, a duty to perform. That duty is to provide a high level of care to the other person. To look out for them, protect them, defend them and be a good man to them. So it blows my mind when a guy feels like it’s ok to throw all that out the window by doing the exact opposite of that.

When a man is complaining about and berating his significant other not only is he belittling her, but he is making himself smaller at the same time. If a man is behaving exactly opposite to what his duty as a man would dictate—then, is he even a man at all?

The other part that gets me about this is that I don’t understand why it happens. Why, if a guy is that miserable. If a guy is so dissatisfied with his relationship that he has to complain to other people. Why doesn’t he either; a.) get counseling or help to fix the problem. Or b.) Just get out of the relationship? If you are that miserable to the point that you abandon your manly duties why don’t you just end it and move on with your life. Stop wasting your time and your partners time by perpetuating the misery. Just get out, get out or fix it.

I feel about complaining like I feel about excuses; there is not any valid reason for doing it.

It’s even worse if there are children in the relationship. Now, on top of being less than a man. On top of being a whiney sniveling douchebag, and in addition to totally disrespecting a person you have pledged allegiance and fidelity to. Now you are also disrespecting your own children by demeaning their mother.

I like to imagine that the vast majority of my listeners do not do this. There may be a few of you who do though, maybe that’s the example you got when you were growing up? Maybe that is just the culture you live in and no one ever really told you it was wrong. That is not a valid excuse, but either way I’m telling you right now that there is another, better way to be.

Hopefully you guys listening are not the type of guys that do this, but perhaps you know some people that do. If that’s the case then I invite you to share this episode with them. It’s the kind of thing that is difficult to hear from someone you know. So let me tell them, just send them a link to this episode or sit down and listen to it with them.

Somehow in the evolution of our society this behavior of complaining about women to your guy friends became tolerated in some circles, even accepted. I think it’s time that we as a group start reversing that by speaking out against it and explaining to people why it’s wrong, and what the ultimate consequences are.

Now head out into your weekend and be on the lookout for opportunities to make a difference, no matter how small. Stay true to your commitment to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to get a copy of my book Forging A Man if you have not gotten yours yet. Heck, why not get two and give one as a gift?

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

226 – Choosing Your Friends Wisely

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 17 Jul 2017 07:05:29 -0500

226 – Choosing Your Friends Wisely…

Today I’m talking about the skill of choosing who your friends are. You may have never though of it as a skill before, but I think it is. I think it’s a skill that can be learned because it isn’t something we are born knowing how to do, and also because it’s something we can get better at. I classify anything that can be improved upon with practice and effort, as a skill.

As human beings we are pack animals. Our existence is made up entirely of the relationships we have with other humans. Our families, friends and acquaintances comprise the whole of our interactions and it is these relationships that become the fabric of our life. That’s one reason I always express the importance and value of relationships.

As such, the other humans we choose to spend the most time with is critical. Lets face it; there are good people and bad people and everything in between. Our lives are heavily influenced by the other humans we choose to spend the most time with. So doesn’t it make sense to choose to spend time with people that will make our life better? I think it does.

Nowadays people tend to be hyper sensitive about not being judgmental. As though there is something wrong about making a judgement about someone else’s character or value. I don’t get that at all. I think not only is it ok to make judgements about people, I think it is our obligation. We owe it to ourselves to do so.

If I know that I am the sum total of the five people I spend the most time with, then I am going to be very discriminating about who those five people are. I will judge the people who come into my life to determine if they are aligned with my world view. Is there anything I can learn from them? Do they have experience or knowledge that I seek? I will judge wether or not they will be a liability to my objectives, or if they will be an asset.

At the same time I expect those people are judging me by the same criteria. If there is a group of people I want to be a part of then I need to bring some sort of value to that group. If my presence doesn’t elevate the sum total of that group in some way—then why would I expect they would want me around?

At the same time I need to genuinely like the people I spend time with. I need to enjoy their company. Some people may be aligned with me in every conceivable way and yet—our personalities are simply not compatible. Maybe their sense of humor is off, or maybe I have some habit or mannerism that drives them crazy. It’s really difficult to form meaningful relationships with people you don’t like being around.

There are many, many components to consider when choosing who your friends are. There are lots of moving parts, many filters to pass through. The skill part I spoke of earlier is in being able to discern between all these elements, and having the willingness to act on them. That’s where most people drop the ball.

We have all known someone that we knew was not a good fit. Maybe we knew we couldn’t completely trust them. Or maybe there was something about them we just didn’t agree with, or whatever. Even though we knew this intellectually, we just kept them around anyway. We did not have the willingness or ability to act on what we knew was not in our best interest. Maybe they were also friends with someone else you really like and you didn’t know how to eliminate the one without also losing the other? There are a million reasons why we allow people to linger in our lives when we know they don’t belong there.

I used to be horrible at choosing who my friends were. I was young and idealistic. Having friends was like currency, and felt like everyone deserved a chance. I wound up getting burnt often, and taken advantage of. My sum total was diminished by some of the people I allowed to spend time with me.

I learned the hard way over time that it was possible to be friendly, and kind to people, without them actually being my friend. I learned that when it came to me and my life, that everyone did not actually deserve a chance. It became my obligation to make smart choices.

Even right now there are many people who consider me their friend. But the people I count as friends is a very small number in comparison.

The skill of choosing your friends is in the early detection, and quick decisive action of making the actual choice. Think about all the people you know right now. Think about what value you provide them and also what they do for you. Is there anyone who is an actual liability to your goals? You may want to consider eliminating those people from your sphere of influence.

It can all sound kind of cold and calculating, even superficial and impersonal. It really isn’t though, because the bottom line is that when it comes to friends; quality trumps quantity every time. If someone passes through all your filters, and you have passed through theirs. If you have judged, measured and weighed one another and been found not lacking. After all that you wind up with a true friend of value that you will likely have until you die. You will have each others back and trust each other implicitly. One friend like that is worth 50 or even 100 mediocre friends.

When our children are minors we need to help them choose their friends because they haven’t learned how yet. We all know how the wrong friends can influence children right? Well it isn’t any different for adults. Before we can really teach that skill to our children, we need to learn it and practice it for ourselves.

Now head out into the world and when it comes to choosing your friends don’t be afraid to judge the fitness and worth of others. Do yourself the great kindness of choosing well. At the same time be mindful of the value you bring to others. Above all, when you wind up with a good friend treat them like gold and never, ever take them for granted. Always be a better man, and a better friend today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

225 – Being A realistic Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 14 Jul 2017 07:05:01 -0500

I appreciate you taking a little time out of your manly day to listen in. My intention is that you will receive something from this podcast that will cause you to think. That you will be inspired to consider your own personal manhood as you go through your day. It’s important, because staying aware and purposeful and mindful of your role in the world will result in you being a better man today than you were yesterday. I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad.

Right off the bat though, I’m going to give a huge shout out to our sponsor; Stump Town Kilts. I realize that it might be easy for you guys to hear me talk about Stump Town kilts every Friday and you get used to it—immune to it even. You may not realize how important it is to have a sponsor that helps me be able to produce this show, so that you can listen to it. It really is a vital component to what we do here because believe it or not, this takes time and resources to create. Time and resources cost money.

There are three things that keep us going; Stump Town kilts, our Patreon page, and my book. These are the three main revenue streams that keep this podcast afloat. I know there are a bunch of you out there that hear me talk about these kilts and you intend to get one, you have every intention of it. The same is true of the Patreon Page and the book. You intend to, but then life happens and you start doing something else and you forget. I get it—I do the same thing all the time, but that’s why I keep bringing it up. To help remind you.

So look, if you are one of those guys that has been intending to get your very own Stump Town Kilt, you can decide to wait no longer! Go to stumptownkilts.com and start shopping for your new kilt right now. When you are checking out enter the purchase code: betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Then come back and listen to the rest of this episode.

I would not ask you to do this if I didn’t believe in this product 100%. In my opinion these are the finest, most well made, versatile, innovative kilts on the market. That’s why I own three of them. Do this, and you will be thrilled with your new kilt and, all the compliments you get when you wear it.

What I want to talk about today is being realistic. To be realistic about everything but mainly to be realistic about yourself. I’m talking about being real and honest about who you are, what your capabilities are, what you’re good at and what you’re not good at.

Most of us are either pessimists or optimists. Most of us see the same glass of water half full or half empty. Meanwhile, a realists sees that same glass exactly for what it is…a glass with water in it, and room for more water.

I personally am an optimist. I think it’s a pretty good way to be because it provides me with the attitude I need to overcome most adversity. I’m always looking on the bright side and finding the silver lining and I always see the glass as half full. It’s just how I am and I think it’s good for the most part, but there are times when I am better served by simply being realistic. I had to learn how to suppress my optimism at times and instead adopt a realistic view. Now, I would call myself an optimistic realist.

Recently I heard about something that is happening in the world that is a good example of this. There are a lot of young men entering the work force every year. Many of them are having a hard time find a job even though lots of places are hiring. Some of these guys were interviewed to see what was happening and it was revealed that they are applying for management jobs, because that pays more.

The problem is that these guys have no management experience whatsoever. In fact many of them have zero experience, doing anything. They are not being realistic about their own skill set. Maybe they have a view of themselves that makes them feel they would be great at telling other people what to do. The reality though, is that they have not earned that credential. It takes time and experience to acquire that.

Another area guys are often not realistic in is dating. This is causing a ton of frustration and confusion for all parties involved. Imagine being a woman and some guy assumes you should want to date him yet, he doesn’t bring anything to the table. Maybe he has no job, or poor hygiene, or no sense of humor. No car, no address of his own, and no prospects or plans for the future. He may have some or all of these problems. Amazingly, through some mysterious form of irrational entitlement, he can’t imagine why a woman would not be interested in him.

I have also seen pessimistic guys who can’t believe anyone would want them, even though women are practically throwing themselves at him.

It’s a weird deal, but in both cases these guys are not in touch with their reality. They are not looking in the mirror. They are not being objective and honest with themselves, and it causes problems.

Not being realistic can cause problems in every area of life if you aren’t careful. Personally, I tend to think that this type of separation from reality is a form of laziness, I’ll explain why. Some guys may see something about themselves that isn’t quite right, something that could use improvement or something they lack. Right then they could decide to focus on that thing whatever it is. They could focus on it with the intention of improving it so it is no longer a liability. They could master that new skill, or lose that 20 pounds, or whatever. Unfortunately that would require two things they are not willing to give though; time and effort. They want what they want right NOW.

So instead they just gloss it over and convince themselves that they are OK just the way they are. The problem becomes invisible to them and they go through the world acting as though it doesn’t exists. The reality is, that they may not actually be ok just the way they are.

I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. Almost everyone has done this to some degree including myself, it’s a human way of coping with things. That does not make it right though, or optimal. Glossing over things that need your time and attention will not make you a better man.

So that’s why I’m talking about this today. If you are committed to being a better man then you will have to pause occasionally to evaluate your level of reality. Check in and see where you are at. Put in the time and effort that you need to actually improve things, because once you do, that’s one less thing you have to worry about. Each day you are alive put a little focus on being realistic about who and what you are. Improve the things that need improvement and celebrate the things you are awesome at. If you make it a habit to check in with reality every day you will find it’s a lot easier to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

224 – A Better Man Knows How To LISTEN

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 07:41:09 -0500

A Better Man Knows How To Listen…

This is the podcast that focuses on the character of men. Part of our core philosophy here is that if we become concerned with and focused on, our character as men. Then everything else in our life will start falling in place as a result. Think about it—if you are really trying to be a better man today than you were yesterday, and you are doing that every day, there will be some predictable results.

Your relationships with other people will be improved. That means all your relationships; your love life, your work relationships, social and family relationships will all be enhanced because you will be operating at a higher level in each of those areas as you strive to be a better man. You will have care for others and a clear idea of what your role is in the world, your function as a man. People will naturally like, trust, and appreciate you more and that translates to improved relationships across the board.

Your relationship with yourself will even be improved because you will know and like yourself better. You will be proud of the things you do right. Your confidence will be increased as you come to know yourself better. You come to see your shortcomings as opportunities to improve, rather than feeling bad about them. So that is what we are all about here at Being A better Man. Improving your life, and the lives of people around you.

People often ask me how I keep coming up with shows. This is episode 224, that is a lot of episodes and it boggles some peoples mind that there is that much to say about being a better man. The truth is, and what I tell people, is that it isn’t really that hard. There is so much material out there in the world every day. All I have to do is spend 10 minutes on social media or take a trip into town and everywhere I look there is something to talk about.

Now–people that know me also send me articles or share posts with me that they think may be relevant to the podcast and that’s fantastic. Recently my wife shared a story with me, a post written by someone she knows personally. In this post her friend was lamenting the fact that she is completely fed up with men. Specifically, her issue is that when men approach her romantically and she is not interested—a large majority of men in her experience then become abusive. They attack her, call her names, stalk and harass her. Basically, they act very much like a spoiled, entitled three year old that is denied the cookie they asked for.

My wife went on to tell me that she has heard many women having this experience. To the point that she believes it is becoming a real problem out there. She thought maybe I could make an episode about this phenomenon.

Here’s the deal though. This is the problem I have with topics like this. In my world, I never—or very seldom see things like this happening. Why? The primary reason is because I’m not a woman. It’s kind of like when my kids were little and one of them tattled on the other for doing something. If I didn’t see it happen then it was kind of hard to punish the other child with any degree of gusto unless there was physical evidence.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally believe my wife on this because she is very tuned in to these kinds of issues. She has her finger on the pulse. I totally believe her but, the other problem is that it’s so hard for me to imagine what would make a guy react this way. When I hear about male behavior like this I’m always a bit stunned because I don’t act that way. Nor do any of the men I know or associate with and yet—it’s happening, a lot.

Another difficulty I have when it comes to bringing stuff like this up on the show, is I tend to think that you guys listening to this podcast are not the same guys that need to hear the message. I like to think that my audience is mostly made up of guys who are genuinely out there being better men than they were yesterday. You aren’t attacking women like a spoiled child, you aren’t calling people names and harassing them because you are being better men. I respect you guys. I don’t want to insult you.

So that is my challenge. When I hear about abhorrent male behavior I want to do something about it. I want to talk about it and make other people aware. At the same time, I don’t want to alienate the good men that listen to this show, as though you think I’m talking about you personally.

The thing is, when males behave badly in the world it effects all of us. It effects the world our daughters and sisters and friends live in. It effects our sons when they witness this behavior and think it’s ok. Also effected, is the way all of us are perceived as a group. In a way we are all guilty by association simply because we are male. Of course that isn’t accurate. We aren’t the bad guys, but we are the living example for the bad guys, and we need to have more impact.

Like I said earlier, if my wife had not came to me with this, then It would not have been on my radar. There is a huge lesson in that point for all of us. The point being, that we need to listen. Just because we don’t see something doesn’t mean it does not exist. We need to hear when the women we know relate their experience to us. Our challenge, yours and mine–is to acknowledge these things that good men would normally have no idea of. We can do that by not only listening, but by really hearing and believing, and asking questions too.

There is only one world, and we’re all a part of it. As men, the things that happen in this world should matter to us. In particular the things that other men are out there doing. Only when we know what the problem is will we know what to say when we speak up. Only then will we understand what kind of example we need to be, and only then can we start becoming part of the solution.

Now head out there into the big world and pay attention. Don’t ignore stuff just because you think it doesn’t affect you. It does affect you, because it’s happening in your world and as a man you should be concerned with that. Listen to the women you know, get some insight into their experience. You will be better able to be a positive force, and if you are a positive force in the world then you are most assuredly being a better man than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

223 – The Virtues Of Hard Work

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 07:05:50 -0500

The Virtues Of Hard Work…

I want to take a second and talk about a message I received yesterday from a regular listener named Les. It made my whole day. Les bought a copy of my book, Forging A Man. Les has two young daughters and he started reading a chapter of the book to them as bedtime stories each night.

He told me about one story in particular that had a profound effect on them and even had them moved to tears. He went on to say that they are getting a lot from the lessons each story has as well. This is exactly the kind of thing I envisioned when I was writing this book. It can be used as a tool to impact other people. Not just men, or boys—but women, and as Les has testified, even little girls will get value from these stories. It’s called Forging A Man, but these stories are really about just being human, regardless of gender.

So thank you Les for sharing your experience with me. I would love to hear other stories like that from other readers just write: alf@beingbetter.men. If you have not gotten your copy yet, there is a link directly to it in the show notes of this episode.

Today I want to talk about the virtue of good old fashioned back breaking hard work. It’s something many people tend to avoid these days. There are many people who have never actually done excruciatingly hard physical labor in their whole life. These are soft times we live in. We buy our food already prepared. Our clothes come ready to wear, and the buildings we live in are just there…when something goes wrong we call someone else to fix it.

As a species we are becoming more and more distant from our physical roots. We have forgotten that our bodies are dynamic, useful tools capable of great industry. Some people compensate by going to the gym and working out real hard. They do that because it feels good. Hard work releases endorphins in your brain that make you feel good. Hard physical labor does the same thing.

I’m thinking about this today because a couple days ago I helped my brother on a job. A huge fir tree was cut down in a widow’s yard and she was paying my brother to remove it. I need more firewood for winter so I agreed to help. When I say it was a huge tree I am not exaggerating. It was over three feet in diameter at the base and over 100 feet long. It was cut into 16 inch sections, but each round of wood weighed several hundred pounds because they were so huge.

We had to split the rounds into smaller pieces just so we could handle them. I have a massive sledge hammer, it has a 20 pound head. All day I used this hammer to drive a steel wedge into the wood to split it up. Then we had to load it on a trailer and drive it back to our place, it took several trips.

It was a warm day and it was back-breaking, dirty work. Each time I swung that hammer it seemed to suck a little more life from my bones. The pieces of wood got heavier and heavier as the day went on. We were covered in sticky tree pitch and we were sweating profusely. It was a good thing we finished when we did because my right arm was about to give out. It had lifted that hammer so many times it was almost completely spent.

You know what though? It felt good. There is something about pushing your body and mind to the point of physical failure that is extremely rewarding. Not only that, but I have a huge pile of firewood for the winter. A wood fire is the only source of heat we use in our house. This winter when it is freezing outside and we are cozy and warm by our fire, I will remember this day. I’ll remember how it felt, and it will feel good all over again. Now, two days later I have a few sore spots, but I don’t mind at all.

I’m talking about the virtue of hard work because it is something that historically, has been a manly undertaking. Of course women can work hard too—and they do. There is a certain type of hard work that men have always been associated with that seems specifically manly. It actually makes you feel more like a man when you do it. I’m talking about the type of work that requires raw strength. The type of work that challenges your very existence. Men typically are the people who build things, and who tear things down. We are the people who move heavy stuff from one place to another. I think it’s sad that this type of work is looked down on by many people. It’s considered menial and “beneath them” by many who are privileged.

What I’m saying, is that it is good for you. It’s good for your body, your mind, and it’s good for the man inside of you who yearns to be tested and tried.

We don’t all have a brother who needs to move a big tree. You may have to search for opportunities to work like this. You can start by not avoiding hard work. Maybe you have an elderly neighbor who’s yard has gotten out of control. Why not volunteer to clean it for them? No charge, your payment is the satisfaction you will get from the effort.

Since it is Friday I also want to talk about our sponsor, Stump Town Kilts. Guess what I was wearing when we moved this tree. I was not wearing pants. I was not wearing shorts, nor was I wearing a wrestling singlet. That’s right! I was wearing my green stump town kilt. It was the perfect garment to wear during this job because I had ventilation all the way up my legs. I was able to keep everything I needed with me secure in the huge hidden pocket. The material was tough enough to handle the abrasion of hundreds of pieces of wood being carried against it, and…I was able to work hard and look great doing it the whole time.

I got some tree pitch on it, but I’m sure that will wash out and it will be like new again. I’m telling you, these kilts can literally be worn anywhere, doing anything. As a listener of this program you can get a substantial discount on your new kilt by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman when you check out. All one word, all lower case. When you do that you will receive 10% off your entire online purchase. Go to stumptownkilts.com and enter the code betterman to receive your discount today.

Now head out into the big world and whatever you do, don’t be one of the people that avoid hard physical labor. Not only is it not manly to avoid work, but if you avoid the hard work you will be missing out on what it provides. A sense of accomplishment and pride. The knowledge you can make a physical difference in the world. The good feelings that get released in your brain. Not only that, but the memory of a job well done will also add to your overall confidence. Men who are capable of working hard are regarded in higher esteem by others. Most importantly though, after pushing yourself to physical extremes and working hard you will go to bed that night knowing you are a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

222 – The Beauty Of Independence

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 18:37:31 -0500

The Beauty Of Independence…

Tomorrow is Independence Day here in America. I decided to go back to see what I talked about least year during this holiday. I liked it so much that I decided to replay it this year. So here it is again, from the archives:

I know I have a lot of listeners who are not from America…so for you, the 4th of July is just the day that comes after the 3rd of July.

In America though…it is independence day. It is the anniversary of the day 240 years ago that the declaration of independence was signed. With the signing of that document America became a new nation, completely independent from Britain’s rule. All of a sudden we were our own boss…we were independent.

So the 4th of July is our national day. Other countries have National day’s too. I decided to look them up and I found a list of 171 countries that have National days, and in most cases it is a day that celebrates independence from another country.

As I was looking over the list I started to notice something…Of the 171 countries listed, 55 of them celebrated their independence from the United Kingdom on their national day…just like us.

There are a couple ways to look at it…the glass half empty approach would be that England really was hell-bent on taking over the whole world and it didn’t work out so well.

While with the glass half full approach you could say that Great Britain is responsible for 32% of the national celebrations in the world…Yay for England!

Putting all that aside, a question looms; Why is independence such a big deal that it causes entire countries to come together and celebrate it?

In America we celebrate with fireworks and picnics, eating and drinking, families spending time together and people getting the day off work…unless you happen to work at one of the National retail chains that tries to capitalize on our patriotism.

I had the great opportunity to be in Oslo Norway one year when they celebrated their National day on the 17th of May. They had won their independence from Denmark. It was similar to the fourth of July in many ways…but it seemed bigger to me somehow, grander, deeper. It made the 4th of July seem like a great party, while the 17th of May was a true celebration that fills the people with national pride from the youngest to the oldest.

They have a parade of children in every town…imagine a river of children going through the streets waving flags and holding banners. There are speeches in the parks, and games the whole community can join into, they wear special clothing called Bunads that signifies the area they are from. So…it is a party, yes, and it’s a lot of fun…but the people really come together and celebrate something; their independence and autonomy as a nation. Nationals, immigrants, children and elderly all come together on this day for this special purpose, and it’s a beautiful thing to be a part of.

That experience in Norway caused me to see the 4th of July in a different light. Sure we all know…we learn in school what it was all about. But how often do Americans actually remember what we are celebrating? When you go to the fireworks show or fire up the grill and crack that beer open do you also stop to consider for just a moment how things would be if those brave men and women who were the first Americans had not done the things they did to win our independence and secure our nation? Do you share the story with your children and explain what the day is about? I think we as a country sometimes take our autonomy for granted…and it’s kind of sad.

America is far from perfect. We did, and continue to do a lot of things wrong…but, we also did a lot of things right, and better than any other country ever did before…that’s pretty cool and I prefer to focus on and celebrate those things. We have the other 364 days of the year that we can gripe and grumble about the injustices and inequities and all the other things that might be wrong. But, on this day…and on the National day for every other country in the world why not be proud and truly celebrate the things that are right and good? For one day put aside differences in lifestyle, culture, religion and politics…and just be Americans.

OK, so that’s about as political as I’ll ever get on this show. I started out intending to just talk about the concept of independence as it applies to being a better man…but then I got sidetracked by the holiday itself. I’m going to take a minute now and just talk about independence.

The struggles that early America went through to gain it’s independence from England is not that unlike the struggles we face as young men and women seeking our independence. England was the parent and we were the child. We thought our parent to be overbearing and old-fashioned and we thought we had a better idea, so we struck out on our own.

We crave independence as a species, we don’t like anyone telling us what to do and it often leads to a lot of mistakes being made. I know it did in my life, I was so anxious to become a man and be my own boss that I ignored the good council of my elders and wound up suffering for it on more than one occasion…that’s part of the process though.

I believe independence should be a goal for every man. In this case independence would be defined as operating, functioning, deciding and choosing the path and rhythm of your own life, relying only on yourself and the strength of your own will to accomplish the things you decide to.

Independence is the opposite of dependence, and It would mean not being dependent upon situations and conditions, but rather…persevering and figuring out how to excel in spite of those situations and conditions…or to take it even further, being the force that creates situations and conditions that are favorable. Imagine if every man lived his life this way…it would be a different world wouldn’t it?

To gain your autonomy…your independence as a man is still possible, even though we are subject to laws and governments and employers and economic statistics…we can still be autonomous men. How? By first understanding what we believe and what we stand for as individuals, and then by never compromising those beliefs for anyone or any thing. To put it another way, to be true to yourself at all costs.

And there will be costs, some severe and some not, but there are always costs associated with independence, you must resolve to endure those costs whatever they are, before you begin. The reward for doing this is knowing what it is like to live and die as an independent man, and in doing so…be an example for others to follow.

OK, I’m going to wrap it up there for today…I know you all have places to be and parties to attend. I want you all to have a great 4th of July, and be safe. I also ask that you take a moment to reflect on what you are celebrating, maybe even share it with someone else. You can also use this time to reflect on your own independence as a man…and what it means to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

221 – The Conversation Is Critical, And It’s Up To You!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 07:05:15 -0500

The Conversation Is Critical, And It’s Up To You…

First…a word about our sponsor:

This is Friday, and we are privileged to have our Friday episodes brought to you by our sponsor, stumptownkilts.com. Listeners of this show can get 10% off their entire purchase by using the code: betterman at checkout. Just go to stumptownkilts.com, do your shopping, pick out your new kilt and enter the code betterman at checkout to receive your discount. That’s betterman, all one word, all lower case.

I’m proud to have Stump town as a sponsor of this show because I believe in their company and their product. I own three of their kilts myself and I plan on getting more because there are some colors I don’t have. You don’t need to iron these kilts, they are made from the best materials with the most innovative designs. Like the huge hidden pocket, adjustable sizes, and snap-on accessories. So don’t wait, summer is here and it’s time to wear your kilt. Support this show by going to stumptownkilts.com today.

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On this show we talk about things that have to do with the act of being a man. The character of men. We talk about the role men have and the responsibility that comes along with it. The reason we do this, is because someone has to. I think one of the problems of our society is that somewhere along the line people in general just stopped talking about what manhood means. So, that’s one of the things we do here.

Before the modern era, before people were so busy and so engrossed in technology I think it was a more regular part of the conversation. Sons grew up in their fathers shadows with uncles and neighbors and other male members of the community all around them, having conversations with them. The expectations of becoming a man were clear, and spoken, and demonstrated.

In those days a boy looked forward to becoming a man and being a contributing member of the community. He looked forward with great anticipation to being recognized and regarded as a fellow man in the tribe. Like I said though, somewhere along the line in the past hundred years I think people in general just stopped talking about it as much.

Nowadays Dads are too busy. Uncles and neighbors are also busy, and not a constant presence in a boy’s life. Much of a day’s time is spent with everyone starring at the television, or their phone, or a computer screen. What little time is left for conversation is rushed and concentrated on immediate concerns. There isn’t time to have deep meaningful, philosophical discussions about life.

As a result, many boys grow up with no real guidance or direction. They emulate their peer group, older boys, music and sport idols, people they see in movies. These guys are instilled with an artificial and superficial concept of what masculinity is. They lack confidence because they have never really done anything to develop it. Self esteem and self awareness are in short supply because they have not taken the time to know themselves. They eventually grow up, make babies, and then start the cycle all over again with their own children. It’s all quite tragic from a societal standpoint.

That’s why this podcast exists; to re-ignite the conversation. I’m generalizing a great deal here. What I am describing is the worst situation, but there are many degrees of this. Many of you listening will identify with all, or perhaps just parts of what I’m saying. Some of you may not identify with it at all, but you are in the minority. You are the fortunate few who have a different experience, but this is everyones problem. It’s everyones problem because it affects our society as a whole. It affects the world our loved ones live in.

I want to acknowledge all of you guys who listen to this podcast. All you guys that read books and seek out other resources related to your improvement as a man and as a person. Congratulations! You belong to a percentage of humanity that is instinctively concerned and aware. You understand that you can and should strive to be a better man, not just for your own sake, but for the sake of everyone you love and for humanity at large. If you weren’t concerned with these things, you wouldn’t be here.

That is step one; being engaged and aware and concerned. Step two is that each of you need to take up the torch and continue the conversation wherever you are. In whatever circles of people you find yourself in. I am happy to lead the charge with this podcast, but I am only one voice.

Earlier I mentioned that somewhere people in general stopped talking about what being a man means. If people don’t talk about it, then people don’t think about it. If people don’t think about it—it begins to lack significance and importance. It fades into irrelevance in the big picture. Then one day we wake up and there are a majority of men who have no real understanding of who or what they are. What their role is, what their responsibilities are, the importance of their example. That’s where we are today.

What I’m telling you guys today is that your voice matters, in fact it is vital. You are the dads and uncles and neighbors I spoke of earlier. You guys listening to this podcast are the male role models of your community. I can give you things to think about and talk about. I can provide concepts for you to ponder, but then you have to have conversations with other people. Look for opportunities to discuss what being a man means with other men.

Demonstrate to the people around you what it looks like to be a man. Demonstrate through your words and actions what it means to be a better man than you were yesterday. When you do that my single voice is multiplied by hundreds, or thousands. When that happens there will be an impact.

There are many, many strategies you can use. I watched a video the other day where a senior millennial guy was talking about breaking the dependency and addiction on smart phones because that’s a real problem with that generation. He said whenever he and his friends get together or go somewhere they all leave their cell phones at home. This forces human interaction. It forces conversation and relatedness. I think it’s brilliant, I posted it on the Facebook page if you want to watch it.

Another strategy is to prepare conversation starters. You know like three or four questions you have ready to ask someone when there is an opportunity. What if you asked someone questions like; If they remember the moment when they became a man? What’s the best part of being a man? what is a man’s biggest responsibility? What’s the biggest challenge men face today? What’s the real difference between a man and a boy?

The point of these questions isn’t what their answer is. The point is to start a conversation, a conversation that will provide you an opportunity to exchange your thoughts and ideas. Suddenly you are talking about manhood, thinking about it, and raising it up in your consciousness.

Yet another strategy is to tell people about this podcast, and other great resources you have found. Spread the word, share the things that are talked about here and see where it leads.

How you carry this conversation to your community is only limited by your imagination. However, one thing that I believe is paramount, is to never ever forget that wherever you go, whatever you do, you are the example of manhood for whoever happens to be watching you. That is an extreme responsibility that cannot be overstated.

As you go out into the big world join me in re-igniting this conversation wherever you are. Make the time to have meaningful discussions. Be an example for other men and demonstrate what being a man means with your words and actions. Add your voice to mine and deliver this message to the world around you. That is what will have an impact. In the process you will also be a better man than you were yesterday.

Check out the links below and remember, you can always write me at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

220 – Your Life, Your Legacy, Your Responsibility.

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 26 Jun 2017 19:49:33 -0500

Your Life, Your Legacy, Your Responsibility…

From time to time I talk about legacy on this show—and today is one of those days. If a man becomes mindful of his legacy every day then being a better man becomes second nature. It happens without even thinking about it.

I’m thinking about this today because of the weekend I just had. I just got back from a camping trip with my family, which is why I am posting this so late on Monday…because I wasn’t home.

On this camping trip there was myself, my wife, four of my grand children, my nephew, my son-in-law, and my 81 year old father. There were nine of us all together. We went to a camp site up on Chinook Pass in Washington State, on the white river. It was a great, relaxing time for everyone, we had great food, we panned for gold and went fishing, we played in the freezing cold river and found interesting things and played games around the camp fire. I helped my dad walk across the river, and stopped with him when he needed to rest. We told stories, and laughed, and shared experiences. I brought knives for the kids to whittle wood with and I made the best pancakes I have ever eaten.

All of that was wonderful, and fun, but these are not the most important things that happened. Behind and in between all of this the important things that happened this weekend are that memories were made that will last a lifetime. Bonds of relationship were forged and strengthened. We all learned new things about ourselves, and about each other. We learned about how we all fit together as a family. These are priceless things, precious, valuable things. These are vital components that are required in order to create a legacy that will endure and be of some benefit to the generations that follow you.

I have been mindful of my legacy for several years now, it has become a habit. In everything I do I consider what impact it will have on my descendants. When I make something, I imagine what some future grandchild I have never met will feel when they hold it. How will they feel when they hold it and know it was made with my hands, from my imagination.

When I record podcasts, I imagine my future descendants are going to listen to it and I want it to be helpful to them. Not just because of the content, but because it will give them insight into their own self, because they came from me. I think a persons identity is subconsciously influenced by knowing where and who they came from. I have a responsibility to give my descendants something good to hang onto.

The same is true of what I write. I often imagine some distant member of my progeny 100 years in the future picking up my book, Forging A Man, going through the stories and discovering new parts of themselves in the pages. Then I imagine them being improved as a result of that discovery. I believe that being concerned with legacy has made me a better man, because it elevates and illuminates the purpose of my life on a daily basis.

I believe this is how our species improves and grows over time. Each new generation using the legacy left for them by prior generations as handholds, to pull themselves up with. Then each new generation can build upon that legacy and create new legacies for their own progeny.

I am compelled to talk about legacy on this show from time to time because I know that many people simply do not think about it at all. Or, they think it’s only something for old men to be concerned with. I could not disagree more with that. I started thinking about it in my late teens. That’s unusual I admit, but either I’m just wired that way or it was because I was grateful and aware of the legacy that was left for me. To me it showed up like an obligation for a man, to leave a good legacy for his descendants. I felt I could never be a good man if I didn’t start thinking about it, over time it became a habit.

I realize that some of you listening were left no legacy at all. Or, you were left a dark, negative legacy. That is extremely unfortunate, but each of us must play the cards we are dealt. This message is especially critical for those of you that were dealt a bad legacy hand. You can break that entire cycle right now, today, simply by changing the way you view yourself and the world and by becoming concerned on a daily basis with the legacy you are creating.

In that regard it’s the same for everyone. There are people who received a great legacy from their ancestors, and they squandered it, not appreciating it, not using it as an example or building upon it…they wasted it. Then there are people who received nothing but grief from their ancestors who went on to build fantastic, rich legacies from nothing but their own intention. So regardless of who you are, or of what circumstances. Regardless of what legacy was left for you. You all have the same opportunity to be mindful of the legacy you are creating. That opportunity is always happening during each moment that you are alive, today, right now.

Wether you are 16 or 60, if you are listening to this then I encourage you to consider your legacy in everything that you do. It does not only benefit the generations that will follow you, it benefits you as well.

By considering how you will be remembered. By imagining the stories that will be told of your deeds after you are gone. You are provided with something special. You are provided with a unique, objective perspective of yourself that is difficult to see if you are not thinking of it in that way. With this unique perspective you are able to make improvements and correct inadequacies that you might not otherwise be able to see.

Now head out into the world and be mindful of the legacy you are creating in each moment that you are alive. What are you leaving behind, what are you passing on, what stories will be told of your life? In doing so, you will be able to see what needs improvement, what needs to be fixed and corrected. You won’t only be dealing your descendants a better hand—at the same time, you will also become a better man than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

219 – Who Are You, in your relationships?

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 23 Jun 2017 07:05:27 -0500

Who are you…In your relationships?

Today I’m going to talk a little bit about your individual role in the lives of people around you. Who exactly are you to these people? I’m always saying that our relationships are the most valuable things we possess, and today I’m going to get a little deeper into that topic. Before I do that though, I’m going to take a minute and mention the sponsor of today’s episode; StumpTown Kilts.

Right now we are entering premier kilt wearing weather, summer is upon us and there will be barbecues, and parties and get-togethers. There are fairs and carnivals and parades coming up. There will be family reunions and weddings, camp outs and fishing trips. Summer is the time all of these things happen with great frequency, and each one of these events are the perfect time to show up wearing your beautiful and extremely manly, StumpTown Kilt.

If you want to make a statement of confidence without uttering a word. If you would like to be noticed without doing anything special and be comfortable doing it—just show up in your kilt. Each StumpTown Kilt is expertly crafted out of the best materials with you in mind. The come in a wide range of colors and there is a selection of accessories you can get as well. As a listener of this show you can get a substantial discount by going to there website at: stumptownkilts.com then as you are checking out, enter the code: betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Summer is here, so don’t wait, head over to stumptownkilts.com today.

Ok, so each one of us have relationships with other people. We are sons and brothers, fathers, husbands, boyfriends and co-workers. We are friends, uncles, nephews, and neighbors, and we are customers, employee’s and supervisors. Every time you interact with another human some degree of relationship is established. It may be very slight in passing, or it may be profound and deep, but all of these interactions together make up the entire spectrum of your relationships.

All of these relationships from the seemingly insignificant to the profound are important. They are, as I have said many times, the most valuable things you possess. The quality of your life, the level of happiness, joy and prosperity you experience on earth is a direct reflection of the quality of your relationships.

It’s just how we were designed as humans. We are pack animals, we were never intended to be solitary. This has been proven throughout history because people who have tried to exist alone without a tribe around them inevitably go crazy, and ultimately die.

As a man you have a role in each of these relationships. You have an obligation to fulfill that role. Whenever you successfully fulfill your relationship duties you are elevated as a man, along with the quality of that relationship. How you carry out the function of relationship is a direct reflection on exactly what kind of man you are.

If you become confused about what your role in a relationship should be try putting yourself in the others persons shoes. Ask yourself the questions; Who am I to this person? Who should I be to this person? You will find that there is almost always room for improvement, there is always something you can do to improve any relationship if we are focused on doing that.

For example; Who are you to your friends? Are you someone they trust and respect? Someone they look up to and confide in? Are you a leader or a follower?

Knowing yourself is one thing, but knowing who you are to others is something else. Are you anyone’s hero? Are you a mentor, do you make other people laugh, do you make them feel safe? Knowing how you are perceived by others is an extremely valuable tool when it comes to improving yourself. It provides an extra layer of objectivity that allows you to view yourself from different angles, and improve the areas you see a deficit in.

As I said earlier, every human interaction you have establishes some degree of relationship. Even to the stranger on the street. How are you perceived by strangers? Are you kind, polite, hospitable? Or, are you rude and dismissive?

Sometimes on rare occasions, even if we are doing everything we can in a relationship, the other person may not be perceiving us in the way we think they should. It’s confusing when that happens, but some people are like that. If you are able to have a talk with that person you might be able to work things out. Or, maybe that person isn’t the right person for you to be in relationship with. There are lots of broken people out there who did not get the memo about how valuable relationships are. This is when knowing yourself well comes in real handy.

If you know you are fulfilling your role in a relationship in spite of how it is received by the other person. You don’t have to take it personally. At that point it becomes their problem and you can go on with your life without them if you choose to.

In most cases you will find that people respond very well to your efforts. When you do something intentionally to improve a relationship most people respond positively. They notice and appreciate your efforts, the relationship is fortified and strengthened. Life itself is improved for both of you as a result.

These things apply across the board from the most intimate romantic relationships and the family relationships, to the more mundane work, and social relationships. Being mindful of who you are in each of these relationships will give you the opportunity to improve them.

Now head out into the world and ask yourself who you are, what role you play to everyone you encounter. Consider how you can improve these relationships because they truly are the most valuable thing you possess. If you do that your life will be better, you will be happier, and you will have become a better man than you were yesterday.

I would love to hear your thoughts about this episode. You can share your insights on our Facebook page, you can comment directly in the field below, and you can also email me directly at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

218 – Seasons Of Change, You Are In Charge

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 07:05:02 -0500

Seasons Of Change, You Are In Charge…

Summertime is upon us. This fact is more evident in some places than others; Phoenix was 119 degrees yesterday and Seattle was 75. On the other side of the world in the Southern hemisphere they are heading into winter, but all over the earth people are experiencing the change of a season in one way or another.

Yesterday, June 20th, was actually the summer solstice, the longest day of the year if you are in the Northern hemisphere. Now every day will get slightly shorter than the day before until we arrive at the shortest day of the year, which is in December.

As humans we don’t think about seasons in the same way we used to. Our lives aren’t as affected by the weather and temperatures as they used to be. I believe however, that season changes are a natural time for us still, to take stock of our lives. To take a look at the path we are on and make the necessary adjustments.

For our ancient ancestors the seasons and the weather were one of the biggest considerations they had. When the summer solstice came along it was a huge reminder for them to tend their crops, to do everything necessary to ensure a good harvest. They had to make sure they had enough fuel and food because the days were getting shorter and that meant winter was coming. With the winter came darkness and cold, sometimes death and starvation. The fact that you exist today is proof that your ancestors did a good job, they survived so that you can live.

Nowadays we barely notice the changes from one season to the next because we continue to eat and live the same way all year around. That doesn’t mean the seasons are not still significant…it only means our perception of them has changed. I am suggesting that as men we can still use the seasons to galvanize our action, to focus our efforts and attention onto the things that matter.

For example, now summer is here. What are your plans for the summer? What do you want to accomplish before Autumn gets here? How will you make the best use of your time in the next three months? It’s a great time to take a minute and reflect on your life. Get a piece of paper and write down what your summer goals are. Then write down how you plan to accomplish them.

Use this summer season as a tool, a device to accomplish some positive things in your life. Every day when you look outside you will be reminded that it is summer, and then you will remember that you have summer goals.

You can do the same thing for every season; fall, winter, and spring. It’s a very natural thing to do because it is the way our species developed. Your summer time goals may be more inclined toward outdoor activities, while your wintertime goals might be more cerebral, and carried out indoors.

It might be a little tougher if you live somewhere like San Diego where it is basically summer all year around. The idea though, is not just to be influenced by the weather and changing seasons, but to break the year up into parts that are more easily managed. The seasons are just an effective way to mark these breaks.

Can you see how it might be beneficial to sit down four times a year and make plans and goals for the next three months? Do you understand that if you were to do that, that you will maintain more control of your life. You will stay on top of things, nothing will slip by you, and you will be living an intentional life.

So that is my suggestion. Use the four seasons of the year as a time for life planning. Write it down, because when you write things down they become more real. I need to do this better myself. I always make plans for the upcoming season, but I try to keep it all in my head. I need to get better at writing these things down because it will increase the chances of my success, and it will for you too.

The reason this is all relevant to Being A Better Man, is because the more control and influence we have on our own lives, the better our lives will be. If our lives are becoming better, then we must also be becoming better men along the way. Better men then we were yesterday.

So try it out, what do you have to lose? Sit down and make some goals for this summer. Decide what you want to accomplish and what you want to improve. Then develop a plan to reach these goals and write that down too.

Remember to check out the links on this page, below. There is a link there called Patreon, on the Patreon page there is a video I made you can watch. Basically, Patreon makes it possible for you to become a Patron of the show. In other words, if you listen regularly, if you believe in the mission and the message of the show and think it should continue, then you can become a patron by pledging a monthly amount. It doesn’t have to be a large amount, it’s up to you how much you pledge. Whatever you do helps keep this show on the air and it lets me know we are having an impact out in the world, so please consider that.

There is also a link directly to my book, Forging A Man, if you have not gotten your copy yet, I highly recommend that you do so.

Now head out into the world and take some time to plan your life. Write down what you want to do and accomplish in the next three months, and then put that plan into action. By living your life intentionally, on purpose, you will also be a better man than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

217 – What If…You Have A Terrible Father?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 19 Jun 2017 07:05:29 -0500

What If…You Have A terrible Father?

This is the 217th episode of Being A Better Man and I got to thinking that I may not have ever explained why I do the show in the way that I do. Basically, I am making the kind of podcast that I would like to listen to. There isn’t a lot of small talk, there isn’t a lot of music or other production type things.

When I tune into a podcast I personally don’t like it when there is a lot of jibber jabber…I like it when they get right to the point and talk about whatever the topic is. So, that’s how I make Being A Better Man. As a result, these episodes are shorter, but I think I usually say more in 15 minutes than many podcast do in 45. I respect your time, and I don’t want to waste it. I’m not saying this is either right or wrong…it’s just how I do it, and now you know why.

Yesterday was Father’s day in America and people everywhere were celebrating their dads. Many of you who are father’s were celebrated too, and I think that is a great thing. Fatherhood is something worthy of celebration and recognition.

There is something else I think about whenever Father’s day rolls around though. I was fortunate to have a fantastic father, but I can’t help but think about all the people who did not have great dads. Guys who didn’t even know their fathers. People who’s father died when they were young. People who have mean or abusive fathers. Fathers in prison, or fathers who abandoned them. I think about all these people on father’s day, because it must be kind of rough for them.

I try to put myself in the shoes of a person who has a father that is not worthy of celebration. What is it like when the rest of the country and everyone on social media is talking about what a great dad they have. I try to imagine what that must be like—but I can’t, not really, because that is not my experience. This episode is dedicated to everyone out there in this situation though. I want you to know that you are not forgotten.

It’s not fun to talk about, but the fact is that there are a lot of crappy father’s out there. I personally know several men who have grown up without the benefit of a good father. It’s a real problem, it is definitely a handicap. I applaud all the single moms out there who are doing their very best to take up the slack. It’s tough though, it’s a tough deal all around.

The good news is that it is not the end of the world. Like any other situation, you have choices. You may be lacking the example a good father can provide, but you can still choose to prevail and excel in spite of that situation. I know this is true because I have seen men do it.

There are many things you can do, one of those things is to adopt a father. By that I mean be on the lookout for an older man that you respect and look up to. Become his friend, allow him to mentor you. Study his examples and ask him questions and use him as a resource. There might be some men that are not interested in being anyones mentor, but I believe the majority of good men would be flattered and appreciate the opportunity to pass along what they have learned in life to someone willing to listen.

Another thing you can do is reject the impulse to be defined by your adversity. Instead use the adversity and the emotional energy caused by it in a positive way. Decide to be the best man you possibly can because you had a terrible father or an absent father. It’s possible to take the injustices you have suffered in your life and use them as fuel, as motivation to be the opposite of that injustice, to achieve excellence in spite of these things.

Of course it’s easier said than done, there are many different degrees of damage having no father or a bad father can cause. Some people may need therapy to work things out and I strongly encourage that, especially if you feel like you can’t rise above it on your own. You need to do whatever you need to do in order to be the best man that you can. I know it is possible though, because other men have done it.

Another thing I recommend that I have seen happen with my own two eyes, is to learn everything you can about fatherhood. This might help you understand your own situation a bit better, but also do this in preparation for when you have children of your own, to be everything that your father wasn’t.

I think the best thing a person who survived a bad father experience can do, is become the best father they can be to their own children. When you do that, you win. You break the cycle and render all the bad acts and injustices suffered by you into something irrelevant. You have turned something negative into something positive, and the evidence of that exists in your own children. That is a victory of the highest order.

There is one thing that I will strongly caution you against. In my opinion the worst thing you can do if you were a man raised without a father or with a bad one, is to use that as an excuse for your own bad behavior. If you do that, you have lost the battle. You will have become a victim of your situation, and of your own choices. Once you become a man you can no longer use someone else’s actions as an excuse for your own, it doesn’t wash.

As far as father’s day goes. I would suggest you try and be happy for all your friends that have great fathers, even if you didn’t. Be happy for them and take some comfort in the proof it provides that all men are not like your father, and all children do not have to go through what you did. Also, cling to this evidence because it is also proof that with effort and focus, you can also be a great father in spite of whatever you have gone through.

Now head out into the world and regardless if you had a great father or no father at all, know that the only person responsible for what you become, is you. Know that with effort and focus you can be a better man today than you were yesterday. If you keep doing that every day, you will become the best man you are capable of being, and the world will be a slightly better place because of it.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

216 – Why A Man Should Never Be Bored

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 07:05:03 -0500

Why A Man Should Never Be Bored…

You may have noticed that there was no episode two days ago on Wednesday. The summers are intense up here on the farm and they are very high impact. For the rest of the summer months I may occasionally miss an episode here or there because there aren’t always enough hours in the day, but if I do, it will likely be the Wednesday episode. I will not miss the Friday episodes for sure and hopefully not the Monday ones, just giving you a heads up.

You know, missing this episode has caused me to ponder matters of time. Time is an issue for everyone, and how we fill our time is critical. How we manage our time is of equal importance.

So here I am, with not enough hours in the day. I literally can stay busy doing stuff from when I wake up until I go to bed—so I would say I’m on one end of the extreme. On the other end of the extreme are guys that run out of stuff to do. You do all the regular stuff like eat, sleep, go to work, and go to the bathroom, but then you run out of things to do. It’s hard for me to imagine, but you get bored with life. You sit there without any meaningful activity to fill your time, so instead you allow your mind to be sucked out by TV or video games.

In between these two extremes are where most people will fall in various combinations. I personally think that one of the worst things a man can do is be bored, because that is when bad stuff happens. I’m going to talk about that today, but first I will take a minute to talk about the superstars of our Friday episodes, out sponsor, StumpTown Kilts.

I spent all last weekend outside on our place building things and doing chores and stuff like that. Luckily for me, I was wearing a StumpTown Kilt. I say I was lucky because it is the perfect garment for doing multiple tasks. They have that huge hidden pocket in the front so I can anticipate all the tools and fittings and other things I might need and put them in there. That way I never had to walk all the way back to my shop because I didn’t have what I needed.

That is just one small example of the kilt lifestyle. This coming weekend I will be hosting a big get together and I will be wearing my kilt simply because it looks and feels awesome.

The quality of craftsmanship and design are unequalled with StumpTown Kilts no matter what you are doing. That’s why they are a sponsor of this show. Right now listeners of Being A Better Man can get 10% off their online purchase by entering the code: betterman, at checkout. all one word, all lower case. To get to their website, just type in stumptownkilts.com. Once there pick out the exact color and combination of accessories you want and then enter the code: betterman.

Before the break for our sponsor I made the statement that I think one of the worst things a man can do, is get bored. I have thought this for a very long time. When my kids were little they weren’t allowed to be bored. I simply did not allow it. They quickly learned that if they complained about being bored that I would find something for them to do. More than that though—I like to think they also learned that there is never a good reason to become bored in the first place.

Like I said earlier, when you get bored is when bad things happen. It’s when we start to fill our time with activities or people that are not especially good for us. When people get bored they drink too much or experiment with drugs, or engage in other risky behavior, because they are subconsciously looking for a way to not be bored. Being bored is not a natural state for a human to exist in. My dog gets bored from time to time, you can see it on her face. Cow’s get bored, cat’s can get bored too…but it isn’t for humans to do.

The thing is, if you happen to get bored there isn’t any valid excuse for it. It’s entirely your own fault. At the start of this show I said there were two critical things; how we fill our time, and how we manage our time. Well, who is in charge of filling your time when you are not at work? Unless you are incarcerated or serving overseas in a war, the answer is, YOU. As a man in the world, you are in charge of what you do and where you go. You are completely in control for the activities in your day…or lack thereof.

“But Alf, I live on the 7th floor of an apartment in the city and there just isn’t anything to do except play video games or watch TV.” If you are thinking something similar to that I’m sorry, but it’s just a lazy, lame excuse in my opinion.

We are all given the exact same 24 hours every day. When you run out of things to do it is a mans obligation to invent something to do. Or, look at it this way, our lives are measured in time. The passage of one moment, hour, or day to the next, is literally what our life is made of—that is our life. So, to allow yourself to become bored with your day is the same thing as being bored with being alive, and that to me is unacceptable.

Especially in these times we live in, when everything, all the knowledge in the universe is at your fingertips. All you have to do is access it, and change your life. You can learn a new language, you can learn about other countries and people, you can learn how to make a forge out of a brake drum or literally anything else you want to learn. It’s right there, waiting for you to learn it. How can you become bored when all that fascinating knowledge is waiting for you to cram it into your head?

If nothing else, you can always just go look in the mirror and decide how you are going to make yourself a better man today than you were yesterday. Then, go do that. There is always something to do and there is never a good reason to be bored.

I can’t tell you how to fill your time, and I shouldn’t because that is your right as a man. I can give you tips for managing your time but ultimately, that’s all up to you as well. Ultimately it’s all up to you, whatever happens good or bad is your fault. My suggestion is, to come in on the good side, because life will be a lot more pleasant.

Now head out into the world and remember that historically, a man is and has always been, a person that does things. If you aren’t doing things, or run out of things to do, that is your signal to get up and fulfill your manly obligation by finding something to do. When you feel boredom setting in, that means break time is over and it’s time to resume the task of being a man. If you do this, life will take on more meaning. Your life will have more purpose, and you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

215 – Work Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 12 Jun 2017 07:05:43 -0500

Work Like A Man…

Hey Everybody. Welcome to Being A Better Man, I am your host and my name is Alf Herigstad. We are not trying to change the world here…we are just trying to change your world, one day at a time. The whole idea is that if we can get a bunch of guys to commit to just being a better man today than they were yesterday—then the world will be a slightly better place. You don’t have to be great, you don’t even have to be good…you only have to be better than you were yesterday. I think everybody can do that. Anyways, I’m glad you are listening today.

In these past 214 episode I don’t think I have ever dedicated an episode to sheer, old fashioned manual labor. I’m a little surprised by that because manual labor has been such a big part of my life. In fact I spent all day today doing just that here on our farm.

My definition of manual labor is when you are doing something physical, it becomes uncomfortable, and you keep on doing it until you finish the task you set out to do.

Correct me if I’m wrong, please…but it seems to me like there are a lot of guys nowadays that spend a lot of energy trying to avoid manual labor at all costs. Yes, I’m speaking to the younger crowd today primarily, guys that are 40 and younger. Believe it or not, there are a lot of guys that actually do not know how to work hard. It sounds weird to say it, but it’s true. Working hard at a physical task is actually a skill that must be learned.

I’m not talking to guys that are physically disabled, or handicapped in any way. You guys already know what it’s like to work hard because you do it every day of your lives. I’m talking to everyone else.

Life is so easy in these modern times, and people are trained that when something becomes hard or uncomfortable, it’s time to stop. I’m talking about part of your body starts hurting, or you start sweating, or you get tired. When these things happen a lot of guys just stop working, because that is what life has trained them to do.

I know what I’m talking about because I have seen it first hand. I was a fencing contractor for a number of years and the hardest thing I had to deal with was finding good people to work for me. It’s hard work, building fences. You have to dig a lot of holes and carry lots of heavy stuff. You have to move big wheelbarrows full of concrete. Finding guys that could do this all day with me, was my biggest challenge.

I tried hiring the biggest most strapping guys I could, but it didn’t matter. No matter how big and strong they were, the fact was they didn’t know how to work hard. I’m a big guy myself at 6’2”, 250 pounds, and I have had guys bigger than me and a lot younger that could not drive a wheelbarrow full of cement. I had to take over for them. I had to do the job I hired them to do because they simply didn’t know how to work. It was frustrating, but now I’m looking at it through a whole different lens.

I didn’t understand it back then but now I’m starting to realize that there are a lot of guys who, through no fault of their own, have simply not had the opportunity or occasion to learn how to actually work hard. To work until it hurts. I’m not just talking about working at a job, it could be working in your own back yard or helping a neighbor.

You might be listening to this and think it doesn’t apply to you because you are a white color professional, or plan to be. Maybe you were raised in a culture that said working hard was for those poor stiffs that couldn’t do anything else. I have news for you…that is not an accurate point of view.

I think as a species, we developed in such a way that when we actually spend a day working hard, working past the point of discomfort and working through pain. When we spend a day accomplishing something with the strength of our bodies we are rewarded with a unique sense of satisfaction that cannot come from any other source. It releases endorphins that make you feel awesome. I think, a special kind of endorphin you can’t get anywhere else.

I have had some hellasish days in my life. Days where I wore the skin off of my hands until they were bleeding and I was on the verge of passing out from fatigue. Day’s where I vomited from the strain and then kept on working. I did it though, and I survived. I kept on living and I believe I am a better man for having that experience.

The reason I think this is important for guys who want to be better men is because having the skill to work hard when you need to, is vital. You won’t have this skill unless you develop it. I think it is one of those things that are uniquely masculine. To engage in some physical act, to work through pain and discomfort without complaining…that’s manly, period.

I’ll tell you a little story, I was on a fence job one time. It was a pretty big residential wood fence and we had to also tear down the old fence. I had like four guys working for me that day and we were busting ass to try and get the old fence tore down and all the new posts set. If we didn’t get them all set then that would add a whole other day to the job, and throw all the upcoming jobs off by one day as well.

It was a hot day in the summertime. About 2:00 we were about 2/3 done and one of the guys came up to me and said, “Hey Alf, I ran out of gas. I called someone to come and pick me up, sorry man.”

I couldn’t believe it. It made me so angry I couldn’t even look at this guy after that. To this day when I think of him I don’t think of him as a man. I think of him as a half man. Every single one of us were tired and sore and hot and tired of working that day, but he just quit. He quit on all of us which meant we would have to work that much longer to get the job done.

There was another job I was on where my 75 year old dad came out to help, and he outworked all the 20 somethings I had working for me at the time—it was embarrassing.

I’m sure there are guys listening that know how to work like a man, good for you, I’m glad you have that skill. I’m also sure there are guys listening that have never learned how, either because they never had an example or they never had an opportunity.

My recommendation, is that if you have never spent a day toiling in pain and discomfort and kept working anyways. If you have never gone beyond your physical limits in order to finish something. Then that is what you need to do. You need to find a way, or invent a way, or something. Find some way to test yourself physically. You need to find an opportunity where you can push yourself beyond your usual limits. If you do this, you will be rewarded with a huge sense of self satisfaction and pride in what you have done. It will make you a better man.

That’s all I got for today guys. Hey if you get something out of this show I ask that you go to my Patreon page and check it out. It will give you an opportunity to support the show and the message, by pledging as little or as much as you want each month. You don’t have to go crazy, every little bit helps. There is a link to it below.

Hey thanks for tuning in today, I really appreciate it. Now go out there into the big world and find some way to work hard. After you do that there will be no doubt that you are a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

214 – “So Called” Women’s Issues

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 09 Jun 2017 07:05:31 -0500

“So Called” Women’s Issues…

So, I listened to a Ted Talk a couple days ago and it really got me to thinking, it’s the kind of stuff that every man needs to hear. I’m going to be talking about that here in a minute, but first I’m going to talk about the sponsor of todays program, Stump Town Kilts.

When I first started this podcast almost a year and a half ago I decided that if I ever had a sponsor that I wanted it to be Stumptown kilts. There are lots of things I could try to sell you here, but I wanted to have a sponsor that I was familiar with, that I could stand behind and represent with a clear conscience. I wanted a sponsor that I could feel confident about when I recommended them to my listeners.

Well, Stumptown kilts fit every one of those criteria, and they were gracious enough to agree to become a sponsor of this show. I have been a customer of Stump Town for several years. They make the only kilts I will ever buy now. Part of the reason for that, is the fact that they design these kilts with the people wearing them in mind. They are durable and washable, I don’t have to iron them, they are adjustable to five sizes and I really, really appreciate the precision with which every kilt is made. They come in a wide range of colors and they have different snap on pockets and stuff too.

Do yourself a favor. Go to their website; stumptownkilts.com and look for yourself. Hope around a little and when you get ready to buy one enter the code: betterman, at checkout. All one word, all lower case. When you do that you will receive 10% off your online purchase, and you will let them know you heard about it right here. You will be thrilled with your new kilt.

Now before I dive into today’s topic, there is one other thing I want to tell you about as well.

As I was getting ready to launch my book, Forging A Man, I gathered together a group of people who wanted to help out, I referred to them as the launch team.

As a way of returning their kindness, I offered to promote their books and products or services here on the podcast. This is the second installment of that, and today I am featuring a woman named Marilyn Murch.

Marilyn is a personal friend of mine and she is also an artist. She is a sculptor, and painter. She works with steel and other mediums as well. Now—she is also an author herself.

Marilyn specializes in books for children, combining the art of story telling with her own illustrations.

What I like about Marilyn’s books aside from the fact that she illustrated them herself, is the way they are told. They are written about animals—pets, and they are written from the animals point of view.

Besides being entertaining for a child and igniting their imagination I think it’s important for kids to learn the lesson that animals are creatures…like us. They aren’t toys. They can feel pain, and hunger, and joy as well. I think these books of hers would help convey that lesson to a child.

Particularly if a child isn’t around a lot of animals growing up. I have seen kids where it hadn’t ‘clicked’ yet, that this puppy or kitten is a living, breathing, creature that is worthy of a certain amount of respect and care.

So far she has two books out, the first is called Peppermint, and it is about an orange cat.

The second is called: Cinnamon – And the little girl giant with chocolate eyes. She is currently working on a third book called: Sky Blue, this one is about a bird…I think it’s a parakeet.

I strongly encourage all my listeners who are fans of animals who also have children in your lives to go ahead and get these books. They are available both in print and on kindle through Amazon, so you can find her there as well just by putting her name; Marilyn Murch, in the search bar.

Look, one of the great things about buying books for kids, is that then you get to read them to them. You get to spend some real quality one-on-one time with a tiny human, and talk about what you are reading. That my friends, is a great way to be a better man

The last thing I ask that is very important, please leave a review for Marilyn on Amazon.

Here are the links for Marilyn’s books, or you can click on the pictures: PEPPERMINT CINNAMON

____________________________________________

OK guys, like I said at the beginning, I recently watched a Ted Talk and I am compelled to share with you some of the stuff I heard because it deals exactly with what we talk about here on Being A Better Man.

The talk was given by a man named Jackson Katz. Here is a link to it so you can watch this yourself and I strongly encourage everyone to do so: Jackson Katz Video

I had never heard of this guy before I watched this. Turns out Jackson Katz is a P.h.d., an author, speaker, and leadership trainer. Basically, he an an activist, helping men be better men just like we do here, only he has been at it much longer. He has done a lot of work with the military and sports teams as well, training them to be better leaders, better men.

Jackson Katz is really anti gender violence. How often do you ever consider that phrase? I can tell you the term ‘gender violence’ hardly ever crosses my brain. Why? Because it doesn’t sound like it applies to me, it sounds like more of a woman issue.

He went on to talk about some so called woman issues like domestic violence, rape, teen pregnancy and so on. These are all thought of in our society as women issues aren’t they. The rape statistics clearly point out how many women were raped in a given period of time for example.

The point Jackson Katz made, and what I agree with is this; Why are the rape statistics the number of women who got raped…rather than the number of men who raped women? Why do the statistics of domestic violence cite the number of women beaten in their home instead of the number of guys who beat women? Why do we hear about how many teenage girls became pregnant instead of hearing about how many men impregnated underage girls?

These are great questions, and as Jackson Katz masterfully pointed out in the video, men have been erased from these statistics by language. The focus is on the victim alone and not the perpetrator. After awhile we start to forget that for every raped woman there is a man who is a rapist, and that is who we should be talking about and dealing with. By only mentioning the victims and not the perpetrators it’s as though men are absolved of any responsibility.

That is why these things have come to be known as ‘women’s issues’ when clearly, they are primarily men’s issues. If men were not out there committing violence then it wouldn’t be a problem right? What are we doing about that as a society? Not much.

This is an example of what I always say, that the things we focus on expand. With our language and the way we talk about it our society focuses on the victims, and guess what…the number of victims continues to expand. We should be focusing on the men who commit these acts. We should be trying to understand what’s happening in our culture that so many boys are missing the memo, and then growing up to be abusers of women and girls and other people as well.

Girls are being taught techniques and strategies about how not to get raped, instead of teaching young boys and men not to rape.

Jackson Katz went on to offer a remedy. That’s something I look for. When people talk about a problem without offering a remedy they lose credibility with me, but he offered a remedy.

Look, I know that you guys, the listeners of this show are not the problem. You are here because you want to be a better man after all. However, you can be part of the solution. It’s important because violence committed by men affects all of us. It affects the world we live in. It affects how men are regarded and thought of as a whole. By the way, the victims are not always female. Many, many young boys also suffer abuse from men. Not only that, but all these young boys who are traumatized by not only their own abuse, but the abuse they see their mothers and sisters suffer—how do you think they are going to grow up under that example.

The remedy that Jackson Katz talked about is what he calls “The Bystander Approach”. It defines a bystander as anyone who is neither a victim or a perpetrator in a situation. Basically, all of us who are not involved in violent abuse are bystanders. He calls for the bystanders to stop standing by, and speak up. He also talked about giving people the tools to do so effectively. It’s something I have talked bout before on this show, standing up and speaking out whenever we see another man behaving badly.

He isn’t just talking about witnessing an event though. You don’t have to see someone in the act of abuse in order to speak out. The analogy he gave was that of the poker game.

Say a bunch of guys are at a poker game and there are no women. Somebody makes a joke that is sexist or demeaning to women in general and instead of laughing along with everyone else—the bystander will speak out. He’ll say, “Hey man, that’s not funny. That could be my wife or daughter your’e talking about. Let’s joke about something else.”

Pretty simple right? Imagine if every guy started doing stuff like that. In time it would change the way that behavior is perceived. Or if you hear someone talking about so called “women’s issues”, speak up and point out the fact that they are actually men’s issues. Take the blame off the victim and encourage others to do so as well.

Another thing Jackson Katz said that I totally agree with, is the fact that any guy who speaks out like that and challenges another man in his peer culture is being a leader. In the end it all comes down to leadership.

One reason there is so much rape, domestic violence, and other horrible behavior is because men have been terrible leaders. It’s time that men of courage, strength, fortitude and moral integrity stand up and start being leaders. That is the remedy. If it’s ever going to change it has to change from within our own ranks. It’s really up to us.

So those were some of the nuggets and highlights of the entire talk. He made some other great points as well though and I cannot stress enough how much I think you should go and watch it for yourself to get all the stuff I missed. Here is that link once again: Jackson Katz Video

Go to his website and see what else he’s up to as well. Jackson Katz is a man who is giving men tools to be a better man, and I applaud that.

Now head out into the world and speak up. Be a leader. Do it for all the people you love, do it for yourself, and do it for the generations that will follow us. It’s a big part of being a better man than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

The Great Race…Of Life

There are about 7.4 billion people on the earth. Roughly half of them are not female, so that means there are around 3.7 billion male humans inhabiting the planet. Notice, I did not say there were 3.7 billion men—because of those 3.7 billion male humans many of them are children. Many of them who are not still technically children are boys who simply grew up, without ever becoming a man, at least by my estimation. So, the number of actual bonafide men on the earth is hard to figure, in fact it would be impossible.

The thing about all of these men though, is that they are all a bit different. We all have different abilities and talents and experience. We all have our own set of problems and challenges as well.

What might be real easy for one man, may be extraordinarily difficult for another. What works for one man, may simply not work for another man. We are all very individual in that way. It’s one of the things I find fascinating about our species. The same thing doesn’t really apply to cows for example. What works for one cow is likely to work for all the rest of them. There is much less diversity of being, in other species.

The reason I’m talking about this is because I was reminded by a listener that not everyone is like me. As host of this show I talk about things from a perspective born of my individual experience. I have a certain way of doing things, a certain way of thinking, like everyone else does.

I realized that sometimes I might make it seem too simple. I tell you things like “focus on the things you want to change and make them a priority”. That works great for me and other guys, but there might be guys who can’t even get to the ‘focus’ part, because their life is so upside down for whatever reason they are unable to focus on anything except surviving.

I speak about making a decision to be a better man. I talk about looking in the mirror and identifying your shortcomings so that you can correct them. Sometimes I tell you to go through your days looking for opportunities to be better than you were yesterday. Often, I tell you that your relationships are the most valuable things you have…but heck, there may be some guys that don’t have any relationships to speak of at all.

It’s one thing to say all this stuff, but it’s another thing entirely to put it into action. There are guys suffering from depression and PTSD, or poverty, some kind of disease, or relationship issues. Maybe you are addicted to drugs or pornography or sugar. Maybe your house got burnt down or a close family member got hit by a train, or whatever.

There are a million different things that can and do make life harder for some people than it is for others. These things are not excuses, I’m not talking about excuses here, I’m talking about the facts that exist in individual lives.

Here’s the deal, here is what I want to acknowledge. Every single man out there has a different starting point, that’s just how it is. In the great race of life some of us get to start on the starting line while other guys have to start a few yards behind us, and some other guys start the race way back there. Then there are those other few guys that get to start several yards in front of everyone else. Yet, we are all in the same exact race when you look at the big picture, and our starting point isn’t something we can choose. We can choose how we run the race though.

That is one reason I tell guys to never compare yourself to other men, because it isn’t accurate. Don’t compare yourself to me either because you aren’t me. The only person you can compare yourself to and be 100% accurate, is yourself…the man you were yesterday.

I never want anyone to feel discouraged because I make this sound too simple or too easy. What I want you to know is that wherever you are starting from, the basic principles still apply. Regardless of what problems and challenges you might have in front of you, if you are able to wake up in the morning then you are able to also make some movement in a positive direction, however small it may seem.

That’s all it takes, that small positive movement whatever it is, is enough to make you a better man than you were yesterday. That’s all you need to concern yourself with; who you were yesterday and now, who you are today. As long as you are moving in a positive direction, you are doing fantastic! That could mean very different things for different guys, doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are a better man than you were.

If you ever hear me say something that doesn’t apply to you, or you feel like I’m just putting words together without considering how hard life might be for you, I invite you to write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me about it. Chances are though, if you feel like that, you might be comparing yourself to someone other than you.

I would encourage you to translate everything I say into your own circumstances and situation. The bottom line is just try to be better than you were yesterday right? So lets say someone is listening who suffers from depression or PTSD or something like that for example. It’s getting in the way of his ability to improve areas of his life.

OK, maybe all you can do is research programs that can help you, you can make some phone calls. You can look into therapy and support groups. If you can’t afford that, you can get on the internet and learn everything you can about the condition that afflicts you. If you don’t have access to the internet, go to the library and read about it. If none of that is successful, then do it all again the next day. Keep going until you find something or some one that can help.

Any of these activities would be positive forward movement, compared to doing nothing. You will have succeeded in focusing on this thing that stands in your way. You would have become a better man than you were the day before as a result. That’s what I’m talking about. Even if you go to bed in the same situation, at least you go to bed knowing you are a better man for the efforts you made.

If any of us have an obstacle in front of us that is keeping us from improving and being a better man, then that is the first thing we have to focus on and eliminate. Sometimes it might seem impossible when you start out, but other people have done it. It’s likely that people have done it from farther back in the race than you—and that proves that it is possible.

Now head out into the world and remember the only person to compare yourself to, is you. Remember that where you start the race does not determine how you finish. It’s what you do with each moment you are living in that determines that. So do something. If you have an obstacle deal with that first, but do it. Be a better man today than you were yesterday, and then keep doing that every day.

Oh, before I go I wanted to thank the guys that got my book after my reminder two episodes ago. I really appreciate it and I want you to know that I noticed. If you have not gotten it yet, it is available below, and also on Amazon.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

(GET THE BOOK HERE)

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

PATREON

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212 – When We Screw Up…What Then?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 05 Jun 2017 07:05:58 -0500

When We Screw Up…What Then?

You know right from the start when I decided to put this podcast together, I did so with the intent of inviting other men to join me on a path I was already on. The path of perpetual improvement, getting better in every area of life every day. That’s why I call myself “your fellow man in the trenches” in the intro. Because I really, really am right there in the trenches with you, last night I proved it.

I’ll tell you something else too. Doing this podcast for about a year and a half now has created some changes. Changes in my life, changes inside me. Another one of those changes is in the level to which, I am accountable.

In addition to all the regular ways in which I am accountable, I have realized that I am also accountable to you—the listeners. I feeI feel like I owe you a higher level of forthrightness. It is for that reason that I am going to share something personal with you today.

I sit here three times a week telling all of you ways in which you can be a better man. Because I’m the one doing all the talking, some of you might assume that I have it all figured out. You might assume I am a finished product, that I don’t make mistakes or doing anything wrong. Knowing me only through this podcast could present the illusion that I never have a bad day, or that I am never plagued with weakness of character.

Well my friends, I’m here to tell you that if you have made any of those assumptions, you are in error. I’m really no different than any of you, I’m just a man. I am an imperfect, fallible, sometimes stupid, and sometimes weak man. Like you though, I am also a man that wants to be a better man, and that’s why we are all here.

Last night, I was NOT a better man. Today I woke up ashamed of myself. I woke up angry and disgusted with the guy in the mirror. I’ll tell you what I did, but I want to be very clear about my motives for doing so. I’m not sharing this for sympathy or condolences. Nor am I doing so hoping to appear noble or contrite or anything like that.

The reason I’m sharing this is for the example it can provide. My experience may be able to help someone else. Also, because like I said earlier, I feel somewhat accountable to you. I let myself down and in doing so I let down my wife and my family, everyone who looks towards me as an example. It also means that I let you down, so I want to come clean as the first step toward correcting that.

Four years ago when I met my wife she shared with me what her ‘deal-breakers’ were. She doesn’t drink at all and one of those deal-breakers was that I would manage adult beverages like an adult. If I drank socially I would do so responsibly, in moderation, and I certainly would not become falling down stupid drunk. I agreed to these stipulations of my own free will and we had an accord.

For the most part I have maintained that agreement these past four years. I fudged it a little here and there, like getting a little tipsy at a gathering but I always managed to recognize it and put the brakes on before anything got out of hand. Last night was an exception to this.

My brother, who is an amazing singer, got a gig playing and singing at a little resort. My dad and I went out to watch and support him. My dad brought a friend with him and I brought a friend as well. My wife elected to stay home and do her own thing.

The night started out pretty well, I was having a great time. I was reveling in camaraderie with my friend and the other people at our table. The music was incredible, my brother was singing as well as I have ever heard him. The atmosphere was relaxed, and joyful. We were drinking beer; really exceptional beer from a local brewery.

I was having so much fun in the moment that I didn’t pace myself. In fact, pacing myself didn’t even cross my mind. About half way through the night I realized that I was getting drunk, as such my judgement was severely impacted so, I just kept on drinking.

By the end of the night I had become a stumbling, mumbling, incoherent drunk. I was dropped off at home. Even though I was no longer drinking my belly was still full of beer, and my condition continued to decline.

I came in the house bouncing off walls and furniture. I left the door open and my dog escaped and went on her own little rampage. As I was helping my wife try to get the dog I fell down several times, which explains the cuts and abrasions I have today. The details after that are foggy, but suffice it to say that I made a big mess…of everything.

I woke up this morning shaky and dehydrated. I was stiff and sore because I had gone to sleep where I landed. I woke up in complete shame, with the knowledge that I had let my wife down, I had broken an agreement, and I had behaved like a child rather than a man.

I was prepared to accept whatever consequences I had brought upon myself because, there was no excuse. There simply isn’t one single good excuse for what I had done. When I spoke to my wife I expected to see rage, what I saw instead was hurt. I had hurt her profoundly, something I had sworn never to do. Also visible was the lack of admiration she once had for me, it had left her.

So there I was, where a lot of men have found themselves at one time or another. This is the part that I hope you get some value from. You see, in this position I was in I had choices to make, like everyone in this position does. I could feel sorry for myself and wallow in my self induced misery. Or, I could try and act as though it’s no big deal and get defensive if anyone says otherwise. I could have begged for forgiveness and made a bunch of promises.

What I chose to do, was move forward. I went and looked in the mirror. I noted my flaws and I owned them. Then I decided upon a remedy to improve those flaws. I decided that I simply won’t drink when I am away from my house. Even at my house if I drink there will be a standing limit of two.

In light of the fact I had proven I am not capable of being responsible with adult beverages, it was an easy remedy to discover, there isn’t another option. It is a remedy I am committed to.

So now I am back on the path of being a better man. I’m also on the path of restoring the damage I did, and regaining admiration in my wife eyes. It may take a long time, but these are the consequences for not paying attention, for not focusing on the right things at the right time.

I know there are people who would hear of this situation and say things like; “Every body makes mistakes, boys will be boys, it happens…whats the big deal?” These are all just invalid excuses. The bottom line is that I broke an agreement with someone I love. That is simply unacceptable.

So now you know of my wrongdoing, and you know of my remedy. By telling you about it I have made myself accountable to you to accomplish this remedy. This is me, moving forward.

I hope some people can find this helpful. Remember, whenever we screw up, then we have choices. You can wallow, deny, blame others, or…you can move forward by owning your crap, and then making a remedy to fix the things that are wrong. From there, we just have to keep being a better man than we were yesterday.

Until next time, this is Alf Herigstad, signing out.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

211 – The End Of Drama And Negativity

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 02 Jun 2017 07:05:02 -0500

The End Of Drama And Negativity…

Hey every body! It’s Friday once again. Thanks for tuning into Being A Better Man, where we talk about the issues of manhood itself. Being a man isn’t just a matter of age. Nor is it simply a matter of gender. Being a man is a matter of character, it is a state of mind, a responsibility and a duty. I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad

Today I’m going to talk about something that does not get talked about enough. Before I get into that though, I am going to talk about the esteemed sponsor of our Friday episodes; Stumptown Kilts.

It’s June. Summer is coming and in some places, it’s already here. You may have already had a day where you got uncomfortable, your legs got all hot and sweaty, things started sticking and chafing where you didn’t want them to, right?

Now imagine what that same day would have been like with the coolness of the breeze wafting up and getting rid of all that sweat and discomfort before it even happened. That’s just one of the advantages of going out into the day wearing a supremely crafted StumpTown Kilt.

Guess what? Fathers day is coming up on June 18th. I personally can’t think of a better Father’s day gift, than a beautiful Stumptown Kilt. If you are a father, or if you think you might ever be a father, if you have a father or even if you know someone that is a father this would be the perfect gift. There isn’t anything wrong with giving yourself a gift either. To make it even better, right now listeners of this program can get 10% off their online purchase by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman, at checkout. That’s all you have to do. So make some father’s day this year, even if it’s yourself, by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman. All one word and all lower case.

There is a lot of really crappy news in the world today. It seems like everyone just wants to talk about the bad stuff all the time. Whenever you watch the news or even in social media threads there is a ton of negativity being pumped into the universe.

I get it, it’s kind of a natural thing. People are activated by bad news. People listen intently if you are talking about something negative. I think we are hard wired this way, we are drawn to bad news because our ancient ancestors had to address the threats in life first, in order to survive.

The problem is, we don’t live in those times any more and much of the negativity we are exposed to isn’t a threat at all…it’s really just gossip. The downside of all this negativity in my opinion, is that we become infected by it. If we aren’t careful we get sucked into the drama and before you know it, we are contributors. It is a self perpetuating condition. Negativity breeds more negativity.

So today I want to talk about the virtues of positivity. Many years ago I decided that I was going to start living a drama free life. I was going to avoid all things that were negative and focus only on positive things. It went really well for about ten years. Things were great, life was happy and peaceful and I was quite content. During that time if someone showed up in my life who was negative, I would simply not let them in. In fact, I called my house “The Fortress Of Solitude”, named after Super Man’s lair of course—but I would not allow any negative energy to come into my life.

Then eventually, I got so cozy in my drama free life that I lost sight of my goal. I allowed one little drip of negativity in, that created more negativity, and in no time it all came crashing down. My drama free life was over just like that, but it took me some time to identify it.

That lasted about four years. It took me that long to realize what had happened, to understand what I had done. Once I was able to identify the problem then I could fix it, and I did. I’m happy to say that I am once again living drama free, and I intend to stay that way.

The secret to staying that way I have learned, is to think about it all the time. In this world we live in especially it takes a tremendous amount of effort to not be affected by all of the negative energy that’s out there. You cannot get cozy like I did. Like everything else though, it starts with a decision.

You have to decide what you are not willing to tolerate in your life, and then take action on that decision. It can be really tough though. I have known people who were so steeped in negativity and drama that they didn’t even realize it. It had become ‘normal’ to them, to the point they had lost all sight of another way.

It can also be tough because if you make a decision like this, it means there are people you may have to eliminate from your life. People you call friends, or even family. These are people who contribute nothing of value to your life or theirs. They are like human vacuums that go around sucking up all the joy from everything. Do you know anyone like that? Eliminating the influence these people have is probably the hardest thing to do, but it’s only hard up to the point that you do it…then, it is a huge relief.

I’ll give you one little tip to think about. Practice it for a couple days and see if it makes a difference. My tip is that there are two sides to every coin. In every single situation you encounter during life there are two ways to look at it. You can look at the worst side, the negative side. Or, you can choose to find the positive side and make that your perspective. For example, if you get in a car wreck you can focus on the damage to your car or your body, you can focus on the financial burden it might cause. Or, you can focus on the fact that you are still alive, that your wounds will heal, and that you have the rest of your life and you will have many cars before it’s over. See the difference?

I think this is important if you are being a better man. It’s important because it causes you to focus on the positive, and as you know…the things we focus on expand.

If you are expanding the negative by focusing on that it will be very difficult to improve as a man. You will be mired down in the drama and drudgery of life. On the other side of the coin though, if you are expanding the positive by focusing on the positive aspects of life and avoiding negativity, improvement becomes natural. As everything in life becomes more positive you will be much more able to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Think this over as you head out into the world. How negative are you? Think about what steps you can take today to relieve yourself of some negativity. Visualize yourself living a drama free, happy, positive life. Then take the actions necessary to make it happen.

If you have any questions about this, or you would like more specific details about what I’m talking about or how to apply it, just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me whats going on.

Hey I also know that there are those of you still out there who have not gotten my book forging a man. It’s on Amazon in print and eBook form so there really isn’t an excuse, go get it today.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

210 – When Your’e All Alone, Impress Yourself!

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 31 May 2017 07:05:38 -0500

When Your’e All Alone…Impress Yourself!

I would like to take just a minute and acknowledge all of you listeners out there that have been with me for a long time. I just got a letter from a guy named Jorge in Mexico, and he said he has been listening since June of last year! That is an entire year. It just made me think about all of you out there who have stuck with me—some of you from the very beginning. It really means a lot to me, it’s quite humbling. I have gotten to know some of you through your letters and our correspondence and I have to say, that I am better for it. So thank you.

At the same time I want to welcome the new listeners and I invite you to go back and start at the beginning…get all caught up. I invite all of you new or otherwise to drop me a line, just write me an email. You can tell me how long you have been here, what you get out of it, you can ask questions or give me some ideas for new shows. You can even disagree with me. My email address is: alf@beingbetter.men. No one opens that email but me, and it is also me that will be writing you back.

Today what I am going to talk about is a very simple principle. It’s simple, but I believe it is also integral to being a better man. In other words, I think it would be difficult if not impossible to ever be a better man without it.

I’ve talked about this before on many occasions. It comes up a lot even when I talk about other topics. I don’t think I have ever talked about this exclusively though.

What I’m referring to is the basic, simple idea of doing the right thing even when you are all alone. Like I said it’s a very simple concept. So simple that it can be easy to forget about as well.

When we know that other people can see what we do and hear what we say, I think most of us are naturally on our best behavior. Especially if there is someone there to impress. However, when people are all alone and no one is watching…many people will behave in another way.

To act differently, by a different standard of behavior when you are alone is a very natural thing to do. I’m not judging anyone for it because I’ve done that myself, we all have. It is a very common thing to do but we, men who have decided to be better men, are no longer common men.

To have your behavior, thoughts, actions, and speech be consistent wether you are alone or around any group of people is a very powerful, liberating thing. It’s liberating because you are being yourself all the time. You don’t have to think about it. Obviously, if you act differently around different groups of people or when you are alone, then there are times when you are not being yourself.

I’m not just talking about big things either, In fact it’s the small things that really count in my opinion. It takes more initiative to do a small inconsequential thing than it does a big important thing. For example, let’s say you are walking in the woods or a park and you see a gum wrapper on the ground. Nobody is around and you are all alone. If you choose not to pick up that gum wrapper there are virtually no consequences. No one will know that you didn’t pick it up. You will know though.

It’s a small thing, just a gum wrapper. However, if you bend down and pick it up you will have the knowledge that you have done a good thing simply for the sake of it, with no expectation of reward or praise. Multiply that by hundreds of tiny things over the course of a year and it really starts to add up.

That’s just one example, but every time you do something that you perceive is good when you are alone, I believe it is building character, it’s establishing a pattern, it’s making you a better man. Instead of spending energy impressing others, you are impressing yourself. What a concept!

I know many of you out there practice this already. Some of you maybe less so, and to some of you this might be a brand new idea. I encourage all of you to practice it throughout the week. The hardest part about doing this is just remembering to in my opinion. Especially when there are no immediate consequences or rewards. It’s so easy to not even think about it, because you are alone. The key to remembering, like the key to everything else, is to make it a priority.

The way we make it a priority is by thinking about it and focusing on it. The things we focus on expand—the things we focus on become a priority.

Now head out into the world and focus on being the best you can be wether you are with other people or all by yourself. The next time you find yourself alone, do something to impress yourself, and be a better man than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

209 – Memorial Day

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 29 May 2017 07:05:24 -0500

Memorial Day…

Today is memorial day in America. Although this day had different names and different dates, the official holiday of Memorial Day was made a legal holiday in 1967. It is a day set aside specifically to honor the memory of people who died while serving in America’s armed forces.

Almost everyone in America has a relative who died serving in some conflict. World war 1, world war 2, Vietnam, the Korean conflict, the gulf war…something. I would bet that almost everyone living today has an ancestor that died in a war. If they didn’t die, they were wounded, or captured, or something else.

I for one, think it is a good and noble thing America is doing; setting a day aside to remember these people who gave their life. However they died, under whatever circumstances, they did so in the service of something larger than their self—right or wrong. There they were; putting themselves in harms way for a concept, an idea, or simply to help the man beside him. By my definition they are all heroes, each one of them.

My family has a slightly different tradition on Memorial Day. We travel to the graves of all our ancestors that are within traveling distance. There, we place flowers on their graves, we clean their stones. We remember them, and tell stories, and speak of their deeds in life. Then we honor their memory individually and as a family, wether they died in war or not.

We went and did this yesterday, on Sunday as is our custom. As I was standing in one of the the cemeteries yesterday I was awe struck by the number of flags I saw on graves. You see, in this cemetery, every veteran buried there has a flag placed on their grave by the cemetery staff. I was standing there looking at a sea of flags waving at the grave of each veteran.

I was touched, because I was looking an an Army of dead men who died in service. A literal Army of them based on the vast numbers of flags I saw. I was humbled, as I thought of the amount of blood spilt. The amount of individual pain and suffering each one of those flags represented. Then I was even more shook, as I thought of the impact all these deaths had on the family members of these brave souls.

They were fathers and sons and brothers and uncles. They were husbands, and men who were betrothed to marry. Each one of those flags I saw represented an enormous amount of pain and grief that affected entire families.

Then I looked at the graves of my own family. There were some flags, but many of them had no flags at all. Many of them were just ordinary people. People who have now become my ancestors. Most of them I knew, but some had passed before I was even born.

There they were, and there I was, with a handful of flowers in what seemed like a feeble attempt at honoring their memory. In that moment I felt wholly inadequate. I felt like nothing I did or said would come close to honoring these people as they should be honored.

I pondered this state of mind for a few moments. Then gradually a new thought entered my mind. It was the realization that I am the sum total of all these people in the ground beneath me. My presence alone suddenly became signifiant because were it not for the life and sacrifice of these people in the ground—I might not even exist. I came to realize that my very existence honored their memory. Just the fact that I was standing there.

With each beat of my heart the life and loves and sacrifices of my ancestors is given a shape and a sound and a purpose.

My thoughts didn’t stop there though. They continued to evolve and the next thing I started thinking about was the fact that one day, I would be the person in the ground. Some random member of my progeny might be standing above me with a handful of flowers, feeling inadequate. One day, I will be an ancestor. One day, all of us will be ancestors.

Out of all the thoughts I had yesterday I feel like the last one was the most profound. I thought about that unknown descendant who might venture to my grave one day to lay down flowers and attempt to honor my memory.

That persons life will be affected by choices I make now. This unknown persons life will be impacted by the way I live my life, the kind of man I am, and what stories I leave behind. I was reminded of the tremendous responsibility I have in this life. It isn’t just the people I know and love now to whom I am responsible—but to all of the generations to follow.

On this memorial day, wether you are in America or not, I suggest that you take some time to ponder the people who gave their life in service. Next, I suggest that you take a few moments to consider your own ancestors. Go to their grave if you are able to. Even if you don’t have any idea who your ancestors are. Even if you don’t know their names or their stories—you can still honor the fact that they existed. You can consider their life and their sacrifice, and realize that you came from them

Lastly, I suggest that you spend some time reflecting on your own mortality. Consider the fact that you will be an ancestor one day. Allow yourself to feel the weight of that responsibility for those people who will follow after you.

Then, go out into the world and be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

208 – Why Are You Listening?

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 26 May 2017 07:05:23 -0500

Why…Are You Listening?

Today’s episode is kind of geared for the single guys out there. You guys who are attached may find it interesting as well though. My question for today is; why do you listen to this show? I really want to know, because it was recently suggested to me that men tune into this program because they think becoming a better man will eventually lead to them having more success in the dating / mating world. I’m not convinced that is your only motivation, so I would like to know what your reason is for tuning in.

I’m going to discuss this dating / mating thing in today’s episode, but first I am going to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s program; Stumptown Kilts.

Why should you wear a kilt? It’s a fair question. First of all I don’t tell anyone what they should or should not do—that’s for you to decide. Some people wear kilts because their ancestors did, and they think that’s cool. Others might wear a kilt for the simple comfort and utility that it offers. Still other guys might like wearing a kilt because it makes them be noticed, it makes them stand out in the crowd.

There are hundreds of reasons like this I could come up with for wearing a kilt, but they don’t all apply to everyone. The choice to wear a kilt is a very individual thing, it takes a certain kind of man. Here’s what I do know—if you are among the men that have ever thought owning a kilt would be a good idea, for whatever reason, then there is only one kilt you should consider. That my friends, is a Stump Town Kilt.

I say this for many reasons; they are beautiful works of craftsmanship, they are made from the finest most durable materials, their innovative design and features set them far ahead of the competition, and the people at Stumptown Kilts actually care about your happiness and comfort. I could go on and on, but the real proof about what I’m saying is that I own three of these myself and I plan on getting more because I don’t believe I can get a better kilt for the money, anywhere.

As a listener of this show you can get your own Stump Town Kilt at a special price, by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the purchase code: betterman, at checkout. Do that and you will receive 10% off your online purchase. Everyone who has taken this advice has been thrilled, without exception. So head over to stumptownkilts.com today and check them out, and remember to enter the purchase code: betterman.

OK…back to the question at hand; why do you want to be a better man? Does it all boil down to dating / mating? There are lots of pickup artist out there right now. You know, dating guru’s taking a lot of money from guys and promising them that if you do what they say you will have more confidence and you will be able to woo the woman of your dreams.

I think it’s fair to say that everybody would like to have someone special in their lives. I spent a lot of time and energy myself looking for the perfect woman. There isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s perfectly natural. It’s a biological imperative created by our hormones for crying out loud. It will not be denied.

However, if you want me to give you some magic formula that will suddenly make you attractive and desirable to women—I can’t help you with that. That isn’t my job, this isn’t that kind of show.

Those shows are out there though. There are people who prey on the frustration that single men feel in today’s world. They tell you how to become more successful at dating. They share secrets and techniques that will put notches on your bedpost, and guys flock to that because they are frustrated, desperate, lonely, and searching for that person who will fill that empty spot.

I have a problem with these people that lead men down this path. I have a problem with it because it is all built on deception and manipulation. It isn’t genuine or authentic or honest, rather it is superficial and almost always focused on sexuality and a twisted sense of masculinity, instead of intimacy, humanity, or relationship. They teach guys how to manipulate women by using their own logic and feminine tendencies against them. Would you want someone using these techniques on your daughter? I certainly would not.

So that’s why I would like to know why you tune into this program. I personally believe that the majority of you are listening because you actually want to be a better man—for the sake of being better, to be the best you can. I reject the idea that most of you are here for some other superficial reason.

Of course, I do understand that there are many of you who are hurting out there. There are lots of guys who have no luck at all in the dating world these days, it seems hopeless and it sucks. There are also lots of guys stuck in horrible relationships with the wrong person and you can’t even remember how you got there.

So I understand the tendency to be drawn toward the easy fix. While I understand it, I also caution you against it, because nothing worthwhile in life comes easy.

The philosophy here at Being A Better Man is completely opposite to what I have been describing. I believe that if a man is truly focused on his own improvement, if he is committed to actually becoming a better man, the best man he can be, that all the other areas of your life will fall into place in the best way they can. By being a better man you are also being a better employee, a better friend, a better brother, son, and partner. How could these areas not improve if you are improving in every area of your life?

There is no guarantee that you will marry your soul-mate, but if you are being the best man you can, the chances of it are much higher. Being a better man won’t necessarily make you wealthy or successful, but it might make you content and happy with who you are. Which I think is even more valuable.

Being a better man will not make you handsome or irresistible. Although it may allow your truly attractive qualities to be noticed like your sense of humor. You might get in better shape because you are improving your fitness.

Being a better man will do one thing for sure though. At the end of the day you will feel good about the man you are, you will take pride in your existence and your accomplishments. You will have an improved knowledge of who you are, and that makes life a bit more valuable. So that’s the difference in these two very different ways of approaching life.

I have more to say about the whole dating / mating topic. However instead of rambling on about what I think is important, I would like to hear from you guys.

I would like you to write me a letter and tell me what your frustrations are. I would like to hear about the challenges you face, and also…what is motivating you to want to be a better man. Just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me whats going on.

Thanks again to our sponsor, StumpTown Kilts, and thank all of you for tuning in today.

Now head out into the world and just be a better man today than you were yesterday—for all the right reasons.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

207 – Happiness Is A Sharp Chain

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 24 May 2017 07:05:30 -0500

Happiness Is A Sharp Chain…

So I live up here in Washington State and I heat my house with wood. I have been cutting a lot of firewood this past year, because that’s just what you have to do when you have wood heat.

Sometimes I will be going along and not realize that the chain on my saw has gotten dull. It happens gradually so it’s easy not to notice unless you are really paying close attention. When I’m working I get totally focused on the task I’m doing so sometimes I go too long without sharpening the chain.

I should notice though, because the work becomes harder and harder. As the chain becomes more dull you have to push harder and harder to accomplish the same amount of cutting.

When I finally realize the chain is dull and I sharpen it, it’s like a whole new world. What was difficult a few moments before has now become easy. It’s like the bar drags itself through the logs instead of me having to push it and wrestle it every inch of the way. Happiness truly is a sharp chain.

It occurred to me today as I was cutting some wood with a sharp chain, that life is kind of like that too. When we are paying attention to all the little aspects of our life—when our life is sharp, it’s much easier.

Just like me with that chainsaw though, if we get too focused on one thing or stop paying attention for whatever reason…our life goes from sharp to dull. Exactly like the chain saw, it happens gradually. Life just gets a little harder every day and we don’t really notice it until it’s as dull as a butterknife.

We finally notice it one day when we wake up and realize our life is a mess, with lots of problems that won’t go away. We have been too focused on some things and not focused enough on others, and now we are cutting wood with a dull chain.

The remedy my friends, is to never let your chain get that dull in the first place. The other day I was cutting some wood and I hit a nail that was in it. It destroyed my chain and I had to get a new one. Stuff like that happens sometimes in life too and we have to deal with it the best we can.

However, the rest of the time it’s up to us. We have to check our chain, or our life, on a daily basis and make sure it’s sharp. That’s really the only effective way to do it. If we check it every day we can get the file and sharpen it up if we need to. We won’t be surprised by a dull chain. Our life won’t get as hard to deal with if we tend to it on a daily basis instead of waiting for something to go wrong.

I realize I’m not really telling anyone anything they don’t know here. All of this is common sense and any reasonably intelligent person knows that it’s better to be prepared for life and be current on all of your responsibilities instead of just letting things go until it’s a big mess. I do not mean to insult your intelligence by bringing this up.

Here’s my question though—if we all know this, then why don’t we all do it? If we know that it’s better to have a sharp chain then why isn’t our chain sharp all the time?

It’s a good question, and any answer I came up with would be pure speculation. I don’t even pretend to know exactly why humans are like this. However, I do believe that it’s possible to get better at any thing, and practice is the method by which this happens. I also believe that understanding what is lacking, is the first step toward making any improvement.

The whole reason for this podcast, and this episode is to help you keep these things in the upper crust of your consciousness. That’s why I talk about this stuff, because it gives us all a better chance at remembering what is important.

I am also a big believer in the use of metaphor, like today with the chain saw. A metaphor creates a picture in your head. If I can picture my life being like the chain on my saw that needs to be looked and and sharpened every day…then I find that helpful.

What this all boils down to is what I started saying way back on the very first episode. When I told you to look in the mirror every day and take account of yourself and your life, so you could make corrections where needed. The term “every day” is a critical component of that formula. It’s also the part most often missed. Today’s metaphor is intended to help you visualize that “every day” part, and realize the necessity of it.

Now head out into the world with a sharp chain. There is a lot of wood to be cut in your life and you will be able to do it a lot easier if your chain, and your life, is like a razor. You will also notice that by keeping your life sharp, by checking in every day and making corrections where you need to, that you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

206 – If Not Us…WHO?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 22 May 2017 16:30:00 -0500

What’s on my mind today is something that I read on Facebook a couple days ago. It was the lamentation of a female friend of mine. I think it’s important for us as men to take the time to understand how men are being perceived in the world.

If you are going along with your life and you are a pretty decent guy it’s real easy to forget what women and other people experience. It is really easy for us to go through our life never feeling threatened or marginalized. So this is what she wrote:

“Let’s make girls wear different clothes instead of teaching boys how to act. Let’s have girls take self defense instead of teaching boys how to act. Let’s have drug detection aids for drinks instead of teaching boys how to act. Let’s tell girls not to walk the streets alone instead of teaching boys how to act. Not only does this show we don’t care for our daughters, I think it shows we also don’t care about our sons.”

I find it sad that a woman in this day and age we live in would feel the need to write this. What makes me even more sad is that it is tragically true. Rather than instruct boys in how to behave as men, we as a society want to remedy the situation by altering the way women live.

I couldn’t let that just sit there, so I responded with my own comment, I wrote: “Sadly, boys are just that, regardless of their age. I’m trying to help teach boys how to be actual men. I think that is what has been lost. There are good men in the world…but there needs to be more, and the responsibility falls on the few good men to be examples for the others, and speak out.”

I felt a need to remind her that there are still good, decent men walking around. Many of them are listening to this podcast, men like you. What are we going to do guys? All of us have females that we love; our daughters, sisters, wives and mothers. What can we do that will make the world a better place for them, a safe place?

Like I said in my comment to her, I feel the responsibility for making corrections lies squarely with us, the actual men who are in the world. Who else is going to do it? You can’t legislate this kind of thing, you can’t pass laws that make men respect women more. No external force is going to have significant influence. It will have to come from within the ranks. If we don’t do everything we can individually and as a group, then I fear nothing will be done and it will keep getting worse with each generation.

You might be wondering what I’m talking about. What impact could you possibly have on the behavior of other males? Here’s what I think about that.

It goes back to something I have said many times, and that is the importance of our example. You can be an example for every man or boy you come in contact with. You don’t even have to speak to them, just live your life in such a way that any person who happens to be watching can notice if they are paying attention.

Another thing we can do individually, is speak to the men we know. When the opportunity arises to have a conversation about the behavior of men at large—don’t pull any punches. Let them know what your goals are. Tell them you are trying to be a better man than you were yesterday, every day of your life. Share with them the satisfaction that comes from being a better man. This is another way of also being an example.

My last point is a controversial one. I think men should speak out whenever they see someone mistreating any other person regardless of gender. This is a controversial point because many people are afraid of making waves. Afraid of getting beat up or abused their self. People often prefer to sit back and hope somebody else says something so they don’t have to.

OK. I’m not telling anybody what to do here, I’m just telling you what I think. I think it’s our obligation to speak out whenever we see an injustice occurring or whenever we hear someone speaking in a way that marginalizes another human. Again I ask…if we don’t do it, who will?

If every good man on the planet started doing these things immediately I think it could have a significant impact. I believe many of the so called men who behave badly towards women and others aren’t actually bad people, not really. Instead I think that no one ever told them different. Many of them have never had an example of what a decent man is. I believe many of them simply don’t know any better.

That’s where you and I come in. Through our example and our conversation and our speaking out we can have an impact. If your actions make one or two other guys consider their behavior, that’s huge. If all of us start doing that it will really add up.

So that’s what I think. Short of some sort of world-wide catastrophe that reshapes society from the ground up—this is what we have to work with. If we don’t do something, each of us in our own little corner of the world, then who will? The answer, is nobody.

Ok guys, now head out into the world and take charge of your surroundings. Be an example everywhere you go. Have conversations with guys and speak out whenever you see someone getting treated badly. Live the life of a man who is committed to being a better man than he was yesterday…and that is what you will become.

Remember to check out our PATREON page and see how you can become a Patron of the show. Join us on Facebook, and if you have questions or show ideas just write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men. I would also appreciate your rating and review over on iTunes.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

205 – The Power Of Today…again

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 19 May 2017 07:05:41 -0500

The Power Of Today…again

Hey everybody, welcome to Being A Better Man. I am your host my name is Alf Herigstad, and today I’m going to do something a little different.

I’m actually headed out of town and my schedule is totally booked up for a few days so I thought I would replay an episode from December 30th, almost 6 months ago. It’s the last episode of 2016, number 147.

I chose this episode because the content is still valid for one—but also because it’s an opportunity for all of us to check in on how this year is going. Are we accomplishing the things we set out to do at the start of the year? Or, do we need to change directions and do something different for the next half of the year?

I’ll be back on Monday with a brand new episode. I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Before I get started I want to mention the sponsor of todays episode, Stump Town Kilts. Stump Town Kilts is making it possible for me to share todays episode with you. If you wear kilts, or have ever even considered the possibility of wearing a kilt, please go to their website and look at what they have to offer.

As a listener of this show you can receive 10% off your on-line purchase by entering the code: betterman when you check out.

These are the kilts I wear every day and there are two features that I especially love. One is the huge hidden pocket right in front. I carry a ton of stuff in there and nobody knows it there…because it’s hidden! It is a brilliant feature.

I also love the attachable pockets, because I can move them around where they are most useful and they are interchangeable. I can put a black pocket on my green kilt if I want to.

So check out stumptownkilts.com, when you use the code: betterman they will know that Alf sent you. Thanks for supporting this sponsor.

Yes, today is the last episode of 2016. I personally am happy to welcome in the new year. 2016 was ok, but I’m always excited about what lays ahead…the future.

In January of 2016, almost a year ago, I started this podcast…146 episodes ago. There was a lot of crazy stuff that happened in the world this past year, stuff that I never expected. I am sure that 2017 will have its share of crazy stuff as well.

Thats kind of how life goes…there is always something dramatic happening. Peoples individual lives go through changes, relationships end and new relationships begin. People die, and new ones are born. Life keeps marching along regardless of what anyone does, it is an unstoppable force.

For some reason we humans try to make sense of it all by putting time in boxes. We separate the years, months weeks, and even the hours of the day. We give everything a name or a number. Then, once we have time all separated, we assign our own thoughts and feelings to it.

Some people will look at the end of 2016 as a great thing, they will see 2017 as a chance for something great to happen, like a painter standing before a blank canvass. The new year gives them hope that things will be better.

Other people look at the coming year with dread and fear. The uncertainty of an entirely unknown year coming, makes them nervous.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with how people perceive time, it’s what helps us understand the world we live in. Dates also give us great reference points for things that happened in the past like birthdays and anniversaries.

However, I do think it’s important to not let this system run you. The year 2017 is nothing more than a collection of individual days exactly like 2016 was. There is a reason I am always saying to be a better man today than you were yesterday…instead of be a better man this year than you were last year.

A day is a manageable chunk of time. 2017 has not happened yet…it is still an imaginary place that doesn’t exist. Likewise, 2016 is all but gone, it’s over, it is part of history that will never happen again. But today is real. Today, right now in the moment you are living is the only real moment of time that you have access to.

We can’t change the way the world perceives time, but…by changing our own perspective just a bit we can learn to use time to our best advantage.

We can’t change anything that happened in the past year, but we can learn from everything that happened. 2016 may be gone, but it doesn’t have to be wasted. What worked and what didn’t work? What lessons did you learn? Were opportunities missed? This is all very useful data that you can use today…right now, in this fleeting moment that you are alive in. Now is your chance, your only chance to make use of this information.

The same is true of 2017. It hasn’t happened yet, it is completely unknown, but If you decide not how you would like 2017 to go, but rather, how you will make it go, then you may be able to take an active role in creating that reality. How? by taking action in this moment that you are alive.

I cannot over state the truth and power of today. Today is the only chance you have, right now, this minute, of having any effect on the future that has not happened yet.

Many people are victims of time. They lament and grieve about the past, and they wait for the future to happen to them without taking an active role in it.

That is a choice you can definitely make, you can sit back and just let life happen to you. You can rejoice when it goes well and complain when things don’t go your way. I think that is a poor choice though. I don’t think that is a choice you can make if you actually want to be a better man.

What I’m saying is that it is silly to worry about things that have not happened. Don’t worry about 2017 because that is a waste of your time. Instead, realize that each day you are alive is an opportunity to create the reality you want. Realize that you have a say in how the next year goes, and the way to do that is by living each day with intention and purpose. Don’t let life happen to you…you, should happen to life.

That is why I encourage people to focus on being a better man today, than they were yesterday, because today is our only shot, it’s the only thing thats real.

So, if you learn everything you can from the past, and focus on each day, hour, and minute you are living in, then you will be taking an active role in your own future. Every day you do that you aren’t only improving yourself…you are improving your own future, and indirectly the future of all the other people in your life. If you do that, 2017 will take care of itself. It will be the best year it can be, if you are being the best man you can be, each day.

Hey if this is a new concept for you, a new idea that you aren’t sure how to implement…I’m here to help, really. Just write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men. let me know what you are struggling with and I’ll help you figure it out.

That’s all I have for today guys. think it over, consider your perspective of time and make it work to your best advantage.

This is Alf Herigstad, signing out…I’ll see you next year.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

204 – The Virtue Of Diplomacy

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 17 May 2017 07:05:03 -0500

The Virtue Of Diplomacy…

Hey every body! Welcome! You have arrived at a podcast that is devoted to advancing the consciousness of men everywhere. Specifically…the part of our consciousness that has to do with character. Welcome to Being A better Man!

This is my favorite time of year. Today is the 17th of May, and it is a really big deal in Norway. It is their constitution day, when they declared independence from Sweden. I’ll be attending a big Parade today in Ballard Washington, and for all of my Norwegian listeners, I would like to say; Gratularer med dagen! Hip hip hurrah!

It’s good to celebrate all the good things in life, because life can really get heavy sometimes can’t it? I find myself, in today’s political climate spending a certain amount of energy on simply not engaging. It isn’t just the political climate though, it’s the racial climate and all the things going on internationally as well. There is also gender issues and healthcare issues and a whole list of other things that are just there every time you turn on a computer or have a conversation with somebody. That is the world we live in today.

When I said I find myself spending energy on NOT ENGAGING, what I meant was that it is way too easy to get caught up in all this stuff. With this many opinions in the world I really have to watch myself. I cannot allow myself to get triggered by something someone says that I think is inaccurate. Why? Because it is not productive. It does nothing to advance my life or my situation.

Just this evening I witnessed a debate on Facebook between two guys I went to school with. They are on opposite sides of the issue they are talking about. I watch as their comments become more and more personal, more aggressive, and sharp. Eventually, they both turn into elementary school children hurling insults, and what is the product of all this vitriol? Is anyones mind changed? No. The only thing produced by all of it is bad feelings between two people who otherwise, would be friends.

I have plenty of opinions myself. Furthermore, I enjoy a good intellectual debate about something—but this was not an intellectual debate. I was tempted to jump in the ring with my two friends and let them know what I thought as well. I didn’t though, because I have learned it accomplishes nothing. It only produces more negativity and I can’t be a party to that.

In the past, when I have gotten caught up in this stuff I found that it occupied way more of my band-width than it should have. You steam and stew about it, you get angry. You go to bed thinking of all the other brilliant points you could have made and it leaves you with a bad feeling about the person you were engaged with.

So now I spend energy staying out of things like that, because it is still less energy than I would waste if I got into it, and make no mistake, it is a complete waste of energy because it accomplishes nothing.

The reason I’m talking about this is because it matters how we navigate through the world. It matters how we interact with people and conduct ourselves. Part of our job as men in my opinion, is to preserve the most important things we have, which are our relationships. The ability to rise above the emotional fray requires maturity, common sense, and character. If I had to be angry at everyone I know who thinks differently than me…that would become a full time job, spent on something that is entirely negative. That just doesn’t seem smart in my book.

The question then becomes, how do we stay out of these childish squabbles and still remain a self realized, fully expressed adult in society? The thought of never commenting on anything or engaging in discussion seems very limiting…and it is. I would never suggest that you do that, I think men should be seen and heard.

I think the most important thing to do is learn how to choose your battles wisely. Sadly, I have found that there seems to be a very small percentage of the population that is capable of discussing things without getting emotional. We have all seen people go to the red zone in seconds and become super angry when their cherished belief is questioned. The problem with that, is when people are angry or emotional, they cease to be rational. Having a discussion with an irrational person is pointless. Therefore, I will not engage people who are not capable of keeping their emotions in check.

What sometimes works for me when someone wants to hear my point of view, and I know it’s different than theirs, is I set ground rules right up front. I tell them I will be happy to have a discussion as long as we approach it intellectually. I tell them as soon as it becomes emotional I will leave the conversation.

It’s amazing. When you get an agreement from someone prior to starting a conversation it’s a whole different world. Suddenly you are both free to express yourself without trying to prove something. You are exchanging ideas and opinions without someone insisting on being right. The best part though, is that you both have an opportunity to hear one another. People who are angry don’t hear, they can’t because they are too busy formulating their next verbal onslaught, instead of listening and responding.

This method isn’t easy, especially if you have never tried it. It takes practice. Diplomacy is a skill that you can spend a lifetime improving. It is an extremely valuable skill that I encourage you to develop though. Diplomacy causes us to exercise our character and develop our communication. It results in being heard more than you are not heard. Ultimately, it gives you more opportunity to have positive influence on the world around you than you would have otherwise. All of these things are part of being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey I would love to hear from you about this episode or any of them. If you have questions or thoughts you want to share just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Thanks for tuning in today. Remember to check out our PATREON page and find out how you can support this show by becoming a patron. Remember also that my book Forging A Man is now out in both paperback and as an eBook. The links to all that stuff is right below.

Now head out into the big world and learn how to choose your battles. Promote positivity in all of your interactions and do not get involved in irrational conversations. These are just a few things that will help you be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

203 – The Miracle Of Motherhood

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 15 May 2017 07:05:04 -0500

The Miracle Of Motherhood…

I have a lot of things I could discuss that relate to being a better man—there are many relevant topics begging to be discussed. However, today I’m having a hard time tapping into those topics because all that is on my mind is the magic of motherhood.

This episode is being released the day after Mothers day here in America, but I’m actually recording it the day before—on mothers day. I just got home from having an intimate celebration with my Dad, sister and brother. We went to a local restaurant and spent some time together and we all toasted my mother, who has been gone since January of 2013.

Look, as men I think it’s important for us to occasionally set some time aside and acknowledge the things we are unable to do as men. One of the things we cannot do is be a mother. We cannot be mothers. No matter how hard we try and no matter how in touch we are with our feminine side…we can never be a mother. We can’t do that.

I personally think that mother’s are equally responsible for the development of boys turning into men as fathers are. I can tell you that if it wasn’t for my mom, I would not be the person I am today. My dad was an exemplary example of manhood. He showed me what being a man meant, what it was all about, and how to do it. My mom though—she taught me how to be a human being. She taught me how to feel. She taught me how to laugh and cry and she connected me with many other parts of my humanity that frankly, I think my dad would have had a hard time doing. Not because he was inept in any way, but just because he was busy being a man.

Think about it; in a normal situation all of us are with our mothers primarily for the first 10 years or so of our life. After that other influences start to take hold, but those first few years are critical, it’s when the foundation is laid. They are very impressionable years and mothers play an enormous role in shaping the people we eventually become.

I spent several years as a single parent, I was privileged to have two daughters and a son. I believe I was a good dad, but I was probably a horrible mother. Even though I tried very hard to be nurturing and kind and motherly at times, because that’s what you have to do when you are a single parent—I know I was probably woefully inadequate when it came down to it. Try as I might, I could not be a mother.

Thankfully, my mom stepped in and was not only a grand mother to my children, but she also filled a large mother role as well, when I could not. My children all turned into great people and great parents of their own children, but I can’t take all the credit for that. In fact, most of the credit probably goes to my mom. The same woman that shaped me into who I am, shaped my children into who they are. I was there as an example, and I still am, but my mother taught them things that I would have never been able to.

Sadly, mothers are often taken for granted. Their love and devotion to us is so complete that we come to expect it, to feel entitled to it. We know it’s always going to be there no matter what we do or say or how bad we screw up—our moms are always going to love us.

It’s real easy to take our moms for granted right up until the moment that they are no longer here. Suddenly, there comes a point in life when you find yourself without a mother, that is the way of things.

No matter how tough or awesome or successful you are in life, when your mom dies, a piece of you goes with her. The little boy inside you panics and you feel lost, like a ship adrift on the ocean with no reference of were you are. That one constant source of security you have known since you were born, is gone.

I’m talking about this today because I think it’s important, that we all acknowledge our mother’s, and all the other mothers we know. The mothers of the world do more for the advancement of our species than any other force on earth. Each one of us, regardless of your circumstance owes your life to your mother. Even if you happen to have a crappy mother, you still owe her your life, and that isn’t a small thing.

In short, what I’m trying to get across is that motherhood itself is a miracle. It is a magical, spiritual, biological, emotional phenomenon that we as men will never be able to grasp entirely…but we can acknowledge it. We can admit that it’s something we will never be able to do or be. It is something to be celebrated because without motherhood, civilization would not exists. Motherhood makes everything else possible.

It’s great that we have Mother’s day once a year. However, if you really want to be a better man, then every day you should remember to honor the mothers in your life. Not just your own mom but the mother of your children, your grand mother, all the mothers you know deserve your continuing recognition.

It’s easy to be a great son on Mother’s Day. It’s even a more special thing to do something special for the moms in your life at random times throughout the year. Let them know how special they are and how much you appreciate them for no particular reason at all…other than that’s how you feel.

Everybody dies eventually. Don’t wait until the mother’s in your life are dead to realize how much they matter. My mom knew how I felt about her, and that made it much easier to deal with her passing. I didn’t leave things unsaid. Seize every chance you can to celebrate the motherhood you witness in life. Acknowledge it and honor it for the miracle it is. Be grateful for it, because without mothers, we wouldn’t have an opportunity to be a better man today than we were yesterday.

Go out and hug a mom right now.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

202 – Home Life vs. Work Life

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 12 May 2017 07:05:06 -0500

Hey every body! Alf Herigstad here, broadcasting from the rain-soaked, wind-battered region of the country known as western Washington. You have arrived at the podcast that is devoted to advancing the character of men—welcome to Being A Better Man.

I got a letter recently from a listener named Calen. In it, he said that he is having trouble getting things together at both work and home at the same time. He said he knows what it takes to be the best at everything individually, but the trouble comes in when you try to be the best at everything at once. He thinks consistency might be part of the problem, and that constantly trying to balance all aspects of his life is leaving him feeling burned out on everything.

Sound familiar? What Calen is describing is one of the most relevant issues men face today; trying to find balance between work, home, and your social life.

So that’s what I’m going to talk about today, but first I am going to acknowledge the sponsor of todays program: Stumptown kilts.

I’ll tell you a little story; I started going to a tavern last summer to play bingo with my dad. It was a good way to spend time with him doing something he enjoys. It was summertime and I always wore one of my kilts. Then winter hit, and there were rare occasions that I would wear jeans instead of my kilt. Every time I did that people I didn’t even know would come up to me and ask me why I wasn’t wearing my kilt. They were disappointed, they had come to expect that I would always be wearing a kilt and when I wasn’t it seemed to leave them feeling unsettled somehow.

I’m telling you this story to illustrate the power of the kilt. When you wear a kilt people notice you, and they remember you. You somehow instantly become extraordinary because you aren’t dressed like everyone else. I can tell you, as a man, being extraordinary can come in really handy.

Beyond that, there is the basic comfort and freedom that a kilt provides. I do everything in my kilt from climbing mountains, to fishing, to officiating weddings, and the only brand of kilt I’ll buy is Stump Town Kilts. Why? because of the superb craftsmanship, the innovative design, the affordable price, and the durable material that I don’t have to iron. In my opinion they are the best kilt on the market and right now you can get one of your very own. You can become extraordinary right now for a substantial discount by going to stumptownkilts.com. Just pick out your next kilt, then enter the code: betterman, at checkout. All one word, all lower case, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Remember also, by supporting our sponsor you are also supporting this show, so do it today.

_________________________________

Ok back to our topic of the day. As men none of us really have a simple life do we? Our lives are divided up into sections that sometimes seem to be at war with each other.

We have our homes where we eat and sleep and spend time with our families, that’s one section. For most of us hopefully, our home life is the best part of life, the part we look forward to the most.

Then we have our work life. Where many of us trade our time in exchange for money, doing something that is making someone else rich. Others of us might be self-employed, in which case the massive responsibility to your customers and employees sort of takes the place of an employer.

Either way though, no matter what you do, the amount of time you spend on your home life is mandated and limited by the amount of time you spend at work. At the same time—the quality of your home life also depends on your work life, because it takes money to live and eat and buy clothes for your kids and go to the doctor. So unless we are independently wealthy…we have to earn a living doing something.

In addition to our home and work life, there is also our social life. The social lives of men vary widely depending on our age, relationship status, lifestyle, where you live, and several other factors. Here again, balance is required. If we spend too much time on our social life then our home or work life could suffer. On the other hand, if we spend little to no time on our social life, we could suffer emotionally because human beings are designed to be social—we are very social animals and a healthy social life is good for us.

I think balancing these three sections of life is more difficult now than it has ever been. As recently as 200 years ago most people were part of a small community. Most people worked very near their home or spent their time farming their food and making their clothes. Their work life was not so separated from their home life and often times an entire family would work together.

Likewise, social life was much simpler as well because it involved the people of your community who you knew and were familiar with. People who had a lifestyle similar to yours and the community itself would put on social events to feed that part of peoples souls. Social life was not in conflict with work and home, rather it was an enhancement to both.

We don’t live 200 years ago though, we live right now—so what can we do?

I have struggled with this myself my entire life. My home life has always been my top priority, but when I was in my 20’s I thought that working and making money was the best way I could take care of my family so I poured myself into that. I had a construction company and for a few years I was killing myself working 14 to 16 hours a day because I thought that was the right thing to do.

What I didn’t realize, is that my home life was suffering. I was being an absent father because I was always working. My relationships, all of them were suffering because it’s hard to be related to someone if you are never around, if you are always busy.

I came to my senses fairly quickly, before too much damage was done, and I made some corrections, I was lucky. Some guys spend their whole life on that hamster wheel, and when they retire on a big pile of money they can’t understand why they are divorced or on the verge of it. They don’t know why they aren’t close to anyone, why their kids don’t really know them, and why so many friends aren’t around anymore. I’ve seen these men, they are lonely and sad. I think this is one of the most tragic fates a man can suffer.

That doesn’t quite answer the question though does it? It doesn’t explain how a man is supposed to balance all this stuff. I would be dishonest if I told you there was a standard formula. There is no easy answer because every man is different and everyones life is different. I can tell you what I think though, I can try to give you some direction that you might be able to use to help figure out your own answer.

I think having clear priorities is the key. You should write them down too because that makes them real and not just an idea. You should prioritize everything in your life according to how important it is to you from the most, down to the least.

Be detailed. Don’t just right down that your home life is number one, there should be subcategories. What is it about your home life that is most important? Is it your relationship with your family members, the amount of time you spend together, what kind of activities you do, how often you laugh? What is most important about your role as a father, a husband, a friend? The more detailed you can be the better.

Likewise, don’t just write down ‘work’. What is important to you about work? Do you want to make more money, get promoted, be recognized for your accomplishments, do you want to retire? Or do you want to start your own business or eventually work from home? Whatever is important to you, write it down.

You keep writing stuff down until you run out of stuff. When your’e done everything that’s important to you should now be on the paper.

Great! Now you have a list of things, big deal. It’s absolutely worthless unless you actually use it as a guide. A guide to help govern your focus and attention. Remember, the things we focus on, expand. So you want to be sure and put more focus and attention on the things that are actually most important to you.

The other trick to making this work, is that you will need to refer to this list often, perhaps even daily but at the very least weekly, until it becomes a habit. When your focus becomes out of alignment with your list you will notice it, and be able to make corrections. If you make a list like this, pin it on your wall, and never look at it again, then absolutely nothing will change and a year from now you will still be wondering how to balance your life.

Another thing to remember is that you may need to audit your list from time to time. As your life changes and evolves, things might actually shift in their level of importance. I know there are things that are very important to me today that were barely a concern 10 years ago. So every three months or so take a look at that, as things change in your life stay on top of it.

look, I know making lists is kind of a drag. It isn’t fun, in fact it requires effort on your part but—that’s my advice. You can add your own spin to it. You can do it individually and then again with your wife, or however you want to do it. However, if you want to make changes, if you want to make things better, sometimes you need a framework to help organize your efforts, and that’s what this is. If you would like some more talk about balancing your life you can also refer back to Episode 175, where I talk about it in slightly more general terms.

Now head out into the world with the knowledge that whatever happens, it’s up to you and you alone. Everything in your life is ultimately your fault, so be proactive, take action, and be responsible for your life. In doing so you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

201 – I’m Back! With a harrowing tale…

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 10 May 2017 18:45:12 -0500

I’m Back! With a harrowing tale…

Hey every body! I’m back! This is Alf Herigstad resuming the Being A Better Man podcast after mother nature took me out for a few days. As you may have noticed there was no podcast last Friday, or this Monday, and todays podcast is coming out late in the day.

I am sorry for the break in continuity, it’s the first time that I have ever missed releasing an episode on time and there is a good reason for it. Here where I live in the wilds of Western Washington, we had a major weather event that causes severe damage.

We thought it was a tornado, but turns out it was a micro-burst. Essentially it was a super powerful storm with tornado like gusts of wind. It cut a swath of destruction though our community and we were without power and internet for several days.

Even as I am recording this episode we do not have internet…our power just can back on though, so I am getting ready for when our internet does come back on line.

Everyone that went through this storm has a different story about what it was like for them, what they saw and what happened. I am no different. However, I am going to share my story with you, not just for the story aspect—but also because of the observations I made during the chaos.

For those of you who don’t know, I spend a portion of my time being a substitute school bus driver. I enjoy the interactions with the children and some of the other challenges that come with the position. On the day of the storm I had an after school route from an elementary school, kids between kindergarten and 5th grade who had some sort of after school activity and needed to be brought home.

We had a little thunder storm earlier in the day with heavy rain and wind, and everyone thought it was over. As I pulled up to the school and was waiting for the children to come out, I got out of the bus and was just looking around. It was very eerie. There wasn’t any wind, and the sky and everything else was taking on an unusual color.

I looked to the southern sky and I saw clouds that were pitch black all across the southern sky from horizon to horizon. There was something else though, a very odd cloud shape I hadn’t seen before. It looked like it was welling up from somewhere evil, with little tendrils underneath it. It looked…ominous, and foreboding. Here are pictures of the approaching storm:

This odd, ominous cloud was clearly advancing toward where I was. About that time the children started coming out of the school. As they were boarding the bus I saw the first rain drops hit the windshield. By the time all 23 kids were on board it was full on raining, and lightning and thunder had started up again.

Being kids of this age, many of them were scared of the lightning and especially the thunder. There were two adult aids who boarded with the children to help maintain order during the trip and all three of us were assuring the children that it wasn’t anything to worry about.

By the time I had pulled the bus out of the parking lot and was on the street—everything changed. It was as if the heavens had opened and began to pour out everything they had, all at once. The wind seemed to be coming from every direction at once and the bus was rocking back and forth under its invisible influence. The rain was so heavy that it wasn’t like rain at all, it was more like solid sheets of water falling from the sky, as if there was a gigantic bucket above us being poured out.

To make matters worse, when I had started my day the sun was shining, so I had put on my dark prescription sunglasses. My clear glasses were in the car. Even though it was early evening, it was as dark as the middle of night. The kids were asking me to please turn on the interior lights, but they were already on, that’s how dark it was. So there I am in pitch black, with dark sunglasses driving a bus in a freak storm with 23 kids behind me…and I can’t see anything.

Almost immediately, several children started crying. They were very afraid, perhaps more afraid than they had ever been before. Fear is contagious, and it quickly spread to all the other children on the bus. They were all crying, wailing really. The aids were doing all they could to maintain order but it was a losing battle.

I made a couple turns very slowly and I made it to the first child’s stop, which was only about a half mile from the school. I stopped the bus and knew we would have to wait here until it blew over before I could let anyone out. The storm had now reached it’s apex, foliage was flying through the air and more water than I had ever seen was dumping out of the sky amid non-stop lightning and huge crashes of thunder. When I stopped the bus I was next to a storm drain, but within five minutes the drain had clogged and now the bus was sitting in 18 inches of water.

I was helping the aids to reassure the children, but it seemed almost pointless, they couldn’t hear us because their fear had reached a level that made reason obsolete. Three of the children were so scared that they just started throwing up. It had all happened so quickly, in just a matter of minutes really, and it was around this time when I realized that I was in a very unusual situation.

Then one of the older boys finally reached the limits of his sanity. He was bouncing all around the bus like a trapped animal. Then he came to the front of the bus, to me. He got in my face and demanded that I start driving, now. He kept screaming over and over that he had to get to his parents, he demanded that I start driving the bus and go back to the school. I have rarely seen that level of rage from anyone, much less a 10 year old.

Meanwhile another boy was trying to open the door as if he were leaving. When asked what he was doing he just kept repeating that he had to find his dad…he wanted his dad.

The aids had been on the phone with several parents. It was decided that I would drive back to the school. On the way back we had to maneuver around fallen trees and branches and drive through some very deep water.

When we got back to the school the storm seemed to be losing some of it’s gusto. An administrator came out and we decided that it had become unsafe to transport the children with all the downed power lines and trees. All the children got off and were taken into the school, their parents would be called to come and get them there.

As they got off the bus I said goodbye to them. Last to get off were five kids who had not been crying, they didn’t seem shaken up at all. I congratulated them on their courage and thanked them for maintaining their composure.

From there it took me forever to get back to the bus yard. Many major streets were closed and traffic was ridiculous. Trees had uprooted fences and sidewalks. Power lines were hanging down in the street and many, many trees…big ones, had just toppled over under the force of the wind. Here is one of many trees:

Eventually I made it back, parked the bus, and then I had to figure out how to get home. The roads near my home were even worse. Eventually though, I made it home to my dark house with no electricity and no internet.

The next day I surveyed the damage to our property. We were lucky. It looked like a small forrest had sprouted in our field, it was the branches of big fir trees that were driven into the earth upright by the wind so hard, that they looked like young trees growing instead of branches. We lost a few big trees and a few fences were damaged, but mostly we were intact.

I spent the next couple days re-living those moments on the bus and thinking about those children. It was difficult for me to understand at first. I had never witnessed that degree of mass hysteria before.

As I thought about it I realized what I had witnessed was the loss of innocence. For most of these children this was the hardest, most scary thing they had ever endured. Up to this point everything was solid for them, everything was stable and easy and comfortable. This storm took them so far out of their comfort zone and away from the safety they had come to expect that they reacted instinctively.

It was like having a little window into the behavior of our species. Just because we are adults now we really aren’t that different from the kids on the bus that day. When extreme situations occur humans will react in predictable ways, and every one of those behaviors were represented on the bus that day.

The majority just sat and cried, looking to the leaders for help and security, immobilized by their own fear. A couple of them snapped, and began acting aggressive and irrational, even dangerous. Some of them became physically ill. Then there was the small group who seemed to take it in stride. They were calm and rational, even though they were concerned they never stopped thinking or lost their connection with reality.

In every catastrophe you hear about happening around the world you see these different behaviors over and over again by adults. For these children this storm may have been the worse thing they had ever experienced, so for them this was a real catastrophe and they acted appropriately—like humans.

As men, when faced with catastrophe, I think it is preferable to do what we can to ensure that we are always in the last group. The calm, rational, thinking group, Because that is where we can do the most good and help the most people when things go bad. How can we prepare for that?

It isn’t really a matter of gender though. On the bus there were children of each gender in each of the behavior groups. However, as men, I think we have an obligation to ourself and others to attempt to be in the group that maintains control.

It’s difficult to prepare for something that has never happened to you before, but I believe there are some things we can do. The first thing of course is to live your life in such a way that you actually know who you are. You know your limits, your strengths, and you are familiar with your weaknesses. The more you know yourself the better you will handle any situation.

Secondly, I think making a conscious effort to think about these things goes a long way. For example I am always imagining the worst case scenarios, playing out in my mind what I would do if this or that happened. It helps because as we think of these things our subconscious mind remembers it. Our subconscious doesn’t make a distinction between reality and imagination—so it’s all practice.

Also, start making note of your reactions in every day life. We all have minor catastrophes from time to time. We get a flat tire on the way to work, or your kid spills the milk, someone cuts you off in traffic or you stub your little toe on the leg of the couch. These types of every day occurrences are opportunities to take stock of your reaction and behavior when something unexpected happens, and it’s an opportunity to make improvements. It’s all practice, for the big hard things if you are paying attention.

Before I go I want to thank our sponsor, Stumptown Kilts. Since there was no Friday episode last week I’m going to talk about them today as well. In my opinion, Stump town kilts are the finest kilts a man—or anyone, can get. For several reasons. It’s not just the way each kilt is expertly crafted, or the premium, durable no-iron material they use. It isn’t just the innovative design and the snap-on accessories or the huge hidden pocket, or even that they are adjustable to five sizes. Nor is it solely the great people who work at Stumptown Kilts or the affordable prices…it’s all of these things. All of these things together make Stumptown Kilts the best and only choice for the would-be kilt wearer.

Right now, listers of this podcast can get 10% off their on-line purchase by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the purchase code: betterman, at check out. All one word, all lower case. That way they will know Alf sent you, and you will get a great deal on your new kilt.

Ok guys, I am back on track now. My power and internet are back on so I will resume normal broadcasting. Thanks for sticking with me. If you want to support the show don’t...

200 – 200 Episodes! Thanks To you…

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 03 May 2017 07:05:27 -0500

Hey every body, this is a pretty special day—a mile stone, if you will. It’s a special day because this is the 200th episode of Being A Better Man!

That’s right guys! Exactly 464 days ago I sat down to the Being A Better Man microphone and recorded the very first episode. Now here we are at number 200…pretty crazy right?

It’s astounding to me, because when I started this I didn’t know if I would make to episode 30. I had no idea what was going to happen or how it would be received, but here we are celebrating 200 shows.

In the past 464 days about 245,000 of you have downloaded an episode. That’s almost a quarter million…so that seems kind of significant. That means that for the past 464 days 528 people somewhere in the world have listened to the show every single day. That’s the average, and since I only make three a week it includes all the days that I don’t release a new episode. Every day, about 528 people listen. That’s pretty cool.

This would not have been possible without you guys out there tuning in. Without you guys I would just be a guy in a man cave talking to myself but you guys made this happen, so thank you.

If it wasn’t for the download evidence that people were actually listening, and if it wasn’t for all the amazing feedback I’ve gotten from listeners, I probably would have stopped doing this a long time ago.

There were times when I started questioning if I was having an impact, and started wondering if I should do something different…and then I would get a letter from some body telling me that listening has helped them make improvements in their life. Or I would get a letter thanking me for saving their marriage and for keeping their family together. I even got some letters from wives of listeners thanking me for the difference the show is making in their home.

These letters that I got from you over these past 464 days are what made all the difference for me. They are like fuel for my spirit, I love getting them. They let me know we were on the right track here and that the show was in fact making a difference. So thank you to everyone who ever reached out and said anything to me at all, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You know recently I was sort of going through this again. I was telling my wife I was thinking about scaling back, that three episodes a week were just becoming too much with everything else I have going on. I was thinking of going to just one episode a week, maybe two sometimes. In fact I was going to make this episode, episode 200, the point at which I made the change. But, then like every time before I got another letter from a listener that changed everything. It reminded me of the importance of what we are doing here. That letter helped to re-charge my focus and I realized I can’t scale back…not yet. I decided as long as people are out there being impacted and deciding to change their life around and be better men every day…I need to just keep going. So for now at least, I plan to keep on bringing you three episodes a week, every single week.

I keep talking about you listeners being impacted, but the truth is that I have been heavily impacted by this show as well. When I started this I told you I was on my own journey to be a better man every day, and I was inviting you to join me in that mission. You did, and as a result of that I have also been transformed.

I didn’t start this podcast because I know everything or have all the answers, I started it because I was on a journey. I have to tell you that putting these 200 episodes together, writing them, researching them, recording them…all of it has also transformed me. I can say without reservation, that I am a better man today than I was 464 days ago and I have this podcast and you the listeners of this podcast to thank for that. Thank you.

Aside from the feedback and interaction with you, the other thing that has helped me keep going is the sponsor of the Friday shows, Stumptown Kilts. They came on about 6 months ago and it really helped out. There is also the PATREON page, where a few of you decided to pledge a monthly amount to the show and every single penny is really appreciated. I would urge you, if you have been intending to contribute on the Patreon page but haven’t gotten around to it…please follow the link in the show notes and get it done. It’s a small thing, the amount is up to you, but it really adds up and helps things keep moving around here. Thank you for that.

There was a format change a little while ago. I had been telling a story every Wednesday and at the end of each story I would talk about the lesson I learned that helped shape me into who I eventually became. I have stopped doing that on a regular basis now because after 60 plus stories…I’m afraid if I keep going I’ll run out. So I’ll still tell a story from time to time but not every week.

That leads me to the other big news. For those of you that enjoyed the story segments, now you can have them forever and share them with your kids or whoever for the rest of your life, because I compiled 55 of those stories into a book called Forging A Man. It’s available right now on Amazon in both print and eBook form. I encourage you to get one or two, it is also another way of indirectly helping to support this show…and I think it’s a pretty good book.

In the last year you may have noticed I have not had many guests. In fact the last guest I had was Tom Schwab back in October, 8 months ago. Luckily I have had plenty to talk about without having guests. I want you to know I am not opposed to having guests on the show, they just take a little more time, and I haven’t had too much of that lately. It is my intention to have more guests on the show in the months to come. I have two or three people I am considering for guests right now.

That leads me into the last thing I want to talk about today; the future. Moving forward I would like to see more constructive feedback from you listeners. I invite you to send me your questions or topic ideas, and if you have a guest you would like to see on the show tell me about that too.

Ultimately, this is your show. You make it happen every time you listen. So I want to be sure I’m talking about the things that matter to you where you live right now. No idea or topic is off limits. Tell me whats hard about life, ask me those questions you have been wresting with, and also tell me whats been working for you.

It’s not just me or you that you are helping when you do this, your’e also helping the other 528 guys that are going to be listening every day. There might be somebody out there going through the same thing you are, and your topic suggestion could really help them out. So just start thinking about that as you go through your day and when you think of a great topic idea or question, just fire me an email.

It would be really cool to organize some events too. I’m still brainstorming that, but I’m thinking webinars or actual live seminars where people could ask questions and talk about the journey of being a better man, and we can all work on this and support each other as a community of men. If you are interested in that or have ideas about it, please let me know. The best way to reach out to me is to just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Ok guys, that’s about all I have for today. I am humbled and grateful for your presence. Thank you so much for listening and supporting the show. Thank you for helping me to be a better man than I was yesterday. It has been a fantastic journey so far and with your help, we might make 200 more, we’ll see.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

199 – Is She The One?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 01 May 2017 07:05:33 -0500

My name is Alf Herigstad and I would like to welcome you to Being A Better Man. The podcast that is focused on the character of men exclusively. We talk about a wide range of topics here, but they all relate back to us individually, and what kind of men we are.

As I go through this episode I will be using the pronouns of heterosexual relationships, mainly because that is the majority of who I’m talking to. If you are of another gender preference or persuasion just insert your own identifier. The him, her, he, she isn’t that important…what’s important is that we are all humans and these things are true for everyone.

There is a question that every man asks himself through the course of his life. Sometimes he asks it once, and sometimes it may be several times. The question I’m talking about comes up when you meet a new potential woman who you think might be worth investing yourself in. The question is; “Is she the one.”

THE ONE. That is kind of a big deal in our common vernacular. It is a statement that combines a lot of concepts together. Like will she be a good wife, a good mother. Will she be a good partner in the the lifestyle that I want to live, will we be happy together forever? Will she get along with my family and does she like dogs and if I go fishing will she want to come with me?

For each one of us, the requirements of “THE ONE” may be different. We all have a different idea of that dream girl, and it depends a lot on where you are from and what your interests are. What your sense of humor is like and what kind of person you are attracted to. It’s different for everybody.

Even when we know the answers. Even when we know the kind of person we are looking for, it seems like this question frequently comes up, sometimes at the last minute, when you are on the threshold of the altar about to get married. “Is she the one?”

The intent of this episode is to give you a shortcut to that answer. Some of you that are blinded by love or lust won’t hear me…but hopefully the rest of you will.

I’ll start by identifying some of the ways you can be sure she is not the “ONE”.

If you have frequent fights, or any fights, and call each other names—she is not the one. Remember nothing gets better–if you are fighting now, you will fight more later.

If you feel like you have sacrificed a portion of your personal identity in order to be with her, she is not the one. If your identity is diminished in the relationship it will create resentment that builds until it erupts, usually in an ugly way.

In the event spending time with her and her family seems more like a chore than a joy…she is not the one. Anything that seems forced or unnatural is a red flag to be aware of.

You each have things that are important to you. If her things become more important than your things, there is inequity, and she is not the one. Love can’t thrive where inequity persists.

If you are the only source of her happiness and fulfillment, if the world revolves around you alone it may feel good at first. However, it could be a sign that she is incapable of generating her own happiness and therefore, may not be the one. Besides, no human should be entirely responsible for another persons happiness.

If she is jealous for no reason, she definitely is not the one.

If she is attempting to change you in any way, if she is unsatisfied with something about you and is encouraging a different behavior…she is not the one. You need to accept each other exactly how you are in the moment.

If you ever find yourself complaining about her to your close friends…she is not the one.

I’m just scratching the surface here with signs she is not the one—but you should get the general idea. If something isn’t right in the beginning…it never gets better. In the beginning is when people are on their best behavior, from there the little problems become huge issues.

Now I’ll talk about how you know she is, or might be, the one.

Instead of fighting, if you are able to talk about your disagreements intellectually and sort it out without anyone getting angry…she might be the one.

Do you feel like you can completely be yourself without any repercussion, if you actually feel like the person you are is enjoyed and celebrated—she might be the one.

If you are happy when you are going to see her. If the prospect of spending time with her causes excitement rather than anxiety, she might be the one.

Have you have been trustworthy, and as a result of that she trusts you implicitly—she might be the one.

If you can admit your shortcomings to her with no fear of judgement, and accept her advice—she might be the one.

If kindness, love, and compassion take priority over being right—she might be the one..

It’s really not a big mystery. The problem is that when guys are in mating mode they tend to overlook a lot of the small details that make a huge difference later on. When guys allow themselves to be governed by their biology rather than their intellect…things often end badly.

Look every individual and every situation is a little bit different. There is no confirmed formula, there is no magic wand or specific, definite answer when it comes to matters of love and passion.

What I can tell you for sure though is that there is a way to have integrity and be a good man regardless of the situation.

Never compromise your personal morals. Do not be deceitful in your communication. Be realistic with your expectations and consistent in your behaviors. Be honest even when it hurts and never ever allow your identity to be diminished. Likewise, be respectful and encourage the identity of others.

If you do not feel celebrated for who you are. If you don’t celebrate the person your with for who they are, then there is a good chance that you are not a match.

In my opinion, if you find yourself asking the question; “Is she one”, then the answer is…no. If she is actually the one, then you wouldn’t be asking the question in the first place, because you would already know.

It’s not rocket science, we all kind of know this stuff already, but our biology and our passion and our excitement gets in the way of our intellect and the next thing you know we’re stuck somewhere that’s kind of miserable. When we are miserable, we can’t be the best man that we are capable of being.

That’s why I’m talking about this, not for you exactly today necessarily, but for you in the future as well. We all encounter these situations in life, and if we can think about them before we get there it can help with our decision making process.

None of us get it perfect right off, life is a journey and we usually have to fail before we succeed. It is my intent, by talking to you about this stuff that some of the pitfalls of life can be be avoided, so you will have more ability to stay focused on the things that matter.

Oh guys head out into the world and if you find yourself asking if she’s the one, remember that she probably isn’t. Also remember that if you are true to the man that you design yourself to be…the right one will show up when she is supposed to, and you will recognize her when she does, and that’s huge. In the meantime, all you have to do is keep on being a better man today than you were yesterday, and then keep on doing that every day.

For those of you already happy in your relationships, I hope this episode serves as a validation of what your doing right. If not, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate where your at.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

198 – Defining Definitions; nice guy vs. good man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 28 Apr 2017 07:05:17 -0500

Defining Definitions, nice guy vs. good man…

I have several things to talk about today, but before I jump into it, I’m going to recognize our amazing sponsors of the Friday episodes. The one and only, StumpTown Kilts.

Stumptown Kilts has been our sponsor for around 6 months now. During that time several of you have answered the call and gotten your very own Stumptown kilt…but I know a lot more of you are thinking about it. I know you want one, so stop putting it off and head over to stumptownkilts.com and get one, you will be glad you did.

It’s a win-win-win! You win because you get a superbly crafted, innovative, amazing kilt that everyone will notice and be envious of. I win, because by getting a kilt from our sponsor you are also supporting the show—and Stumptown Kilts wins because they get another ecstatic lifelong customer to ad to their growing list of happy kilt wearers. What could be better than a three-way win?

So don’t wait, head over to stumptownkilts.com and pick out that kilt you have been thinking of since I first started talking about them. Once you have the kilt and all the accessories you want picked out, remember to enter the code: betterman, at checkout. When you do that you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Do it today!

Ok, in the last episode, number 197 called The Minutia Of Manhood, I hit a nerve with a few guys. I hit a nerve because I was talking in real plain english about the fact that when you don’t pay attention to the details of your life, the minutia, that you might be something other than a man. You might still be a boy.

The thing is, it’s only tough to hear stuff like that if it’s true. I know I hit some of you where you live and it’s not comfortable. There was one guy who wrote into me about it. I won’t give his name because I don’t have his permission, but he wrote in and told me that episode pissed him off and made him angry…at himself.

Sometimes when the truth hits you in the face you can’t duck, you can’t roll with the punch, you just have to take it and that’s what he did. I’m really proud of this guy because when confronted with the truth he stood up and owned it. He finished his letter by thanking me for giving him a walkup call.

I wrote him back and gave him a little advice. It’s not an easy thing to suddenly change the way you have been all your life. It requires daily effort and daily focus. It’s also not that easy if you are surrounded by people who are not concerned with being better. I suggested that if his current friends are not interested in improving that he may want to spend less time with them and find like minded people to interact with. That saying that we are the sum total of the five people we spend the most time with is really true. So who we spend time with and interact with is really, really important.

A few episodes ago I suggested that this show could be a means of connecting guys who are like-minded and interested in being better men. I asked for feedback from people who would be interested in that. I only got a couple guys who wrote and said that was something they would like to do, so I didn’t pursue it.

However, I was able to connect this guy that wrote in, with another guy who responded to that suggestion a couple weeks ago. Now there are two like-minded guys that are connected. They will be able to communicate and help each other and be a support for one another in their common goal of being a better man. They will also increase that sum total of the five people they spend the most time with.

I call it dual mentorship, and I believe it works because it’s been working since the dawn of time. So I’m putting it out there again…if you would like to connect with other guys who want to be better men, just write me and get on the list.

Another thing that is on my mind today is something I read a couple days ago. It was this article that was supposed to be very forward thinking. I could tell by the way it was written that the woman writing it felt like she had nailed it, like she had discovered the secret of manhood.

The title of the article was: “Nice Guy’s aren’t good men” written by a woman named Lisa Vallejos, PhD. It was basically a long list of examples showing the difference between a nice guy, and a good man.

Here are a couple quotes from the article:

“A nice guy will cloak his intentions and be unclear, while a good man will be upfront with his intentions and be very clear about his aim. The good man leaves no space for ambiguity.”

“A nice guy will have loose boundaries and will bend over backwards just to seem nice. A good man has clear boundaries and, thus, earns the respect of the people around him.”

To be clear—I don’t really disagree with anything she said on it’s own. Her descriptions of a good man were accurate and well thought out. What I have a problem with is the overall premise saying that if you are a good man…you can’t be a nice guy. Like the title says; that nice guys are not good men.

With all due respect to her degree…I just have to disagree. I think where she is missing it is in her definition of a “nice guy.”

Here are a few of her descriptions of a nice guy from the article:

“A nice guy will tell a pretty lie to avoid the discomfort of telling an ugly truth.”

And

“A nice guy will do nice things with unspoken expectations attached.”

And

“A nice guy fears rejection and so he seeks validation.”

And

“A nice guy will blame others, circumstances, or fate for his lot in life.”

When I read these descriptions, of which there are many more, I do not see a nice guy being described. What I see is a sad excuse for a male human. A spineless, self absorbed, candy-ass facsimile of a man who is pretending to be nice. The problem is…there isn’t anything nice about a guy like that.

That’s why I feel like a truly good man, is by definition, an actual nice guy. He’s the real thing and not a pretend nice guy because a good man has a certain level of genuine care for those around him. Their safety and well being. Sure he might hurt feelings occasionally because he is being honest, but overall, that is a greater kindness to the people in his life than being a deceptive jerk, or what the author of the article would call a “Nice Guy”. By the way, I mean no disrespect to the author at all, I just happen to not agree with her entirely. Here is a link to the article so you can read it for yourself: ARTICLE .

I did an entire show about this very topic back in episode 129, called “Nice Guys Finish”. You should listen to that if you haven’t.

I would be interested to hear you views on this. Wether you agree with me or not I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I think its important that the title nice guy and good man, are not mutually exclusive. I think we can be both.

As you all know, my book Forging A Man is out in print and on kindle. If you have been listening to this podcast for any length of time you have probably heard a lot of the stories in the book. However, some of the early feedback I’m getting is that it’s different reading the story. It hits you different, like it attaches to a different part of your brain or something. Anyway, I would love it if all my listeners got a copy and shared it with people you know. Read it to your kids, or send it to someone you think could use it. There is a link below.

Something else I have not talked about in a while is Patreon. If you are a listener of this show, if you keep coming back, then you must be getting some value out of it. My question for you is, if that is the case then why not support it. There are several ways of showing support for the show. You can buy a kilt from our sponsor, and you can also get my book. But if you aren’t a kilt kind of guy and you don’t like to read, you can also go to our Patreon page and pledge a monthly amount that is totally up to you. It can be as little as a dollar a month, but all these dollars add up and they also let me know that people are getting something out of the show.

All of these links can be found below.

Now head out into the world in your new kilt, and seek out like minded people to spend your time with. Don’t allow your sum total to be diminished by others. Also don’t be offended if someone says you are a nice guy, as long as you are also being a good man, or at the very least, a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

197 – The Minutia Of Manhood

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 26 Apr 2017 07:05:59 -0500

The Minutia Of Manhood…

Hey every body. It is I, Alf Herigstad, back once again to talk with you about the minutia of manhood. Welcome to being a better man, I’m glad you are here with me.

Ah…the minutia of manhood. It doesn’t sound very appealing when you say it like that. We men usually avoid minutia, I know I do. For those of you who don’t know, minutia is the tedious details of things. The little things that are no fun but, that must be done.

For example, you may not realize that I am a home brewer. I do make some craft beers, but mostly I make mead, which is essentially wine made from honey. One of the oldest alcoholic beverages mankind ever made, and it’s what the Vikings drank.

This is a hobby of mine that is a lot of fun. I get a lot of enjoyment out of it and I have experimented with all kinds of different flavors and techniques. I have made jalapeño mead, and coffee mead, strawberry and rhubarb mead. I love the creation process, and I love having people try it and see the surprise on their face. I love the science of it too, like how the yeast transforms honey and water into something amazing. There is a part of this process I don’t like though, and that is the minutia.

The minutia of being a home brewer happens every time you want to put your new creation in bottles. I hate washing bottles, that is the minutia, but guess what? If I don’t wash the bottles then it will just sit there forever in these big glass fermenting vessels. The only way to taste it or share it would be to get a big straw and sit on the floor sucking it out…and that wouldn’t be any fun I don’t think.

So, I wash bottles. I stand at the sink for a couple hours sterilizing and washing and I hate every second of it. Those bottles are not going to wash themselves, so I have no choice.

Being a man is no different, being a man has minutia attached to it just like everything else does. I love being a man. I like being big and strong and being able to make things and grow a beard. I like being regarded as a man in society and most other things that go along with being a man. But then there is the minutia of being a man.

I think the minutia of manhood is one of the things that separates boys from men. It is the hard things, the little things that require effort. Things like having responsibility, doing the right thing, admitting when you are wrong, taking care of your finances and your body and making sacrifices for the people around you.

The boy will avoid most of these things and just keep on having fun pretending he is a man. While the man will confront these issues and handle them, even when he doesn’t want to. He will do that because he is a man, and he knows they will not handle themselves…just like my bottles won’t wash themselves.

Very often I have seen young guys in relationships who choose not to deal with the minutia of their life. They just keep on doing whatever makes them happy in the moment instead. Guess what always happens? Someone else, usually the woman in the relationship is then forced to deal with the mans minutia that was left unattended. I find it so sad whenever I see this happening. You see women paying the bills and taking out the garbage and fixing things that are broken. In extreme cases you see women going to work while the so-called man sits around and plays video games, and then expects her to make dinner when she comes home.

Do you think this woman, or anyone else that knows a guy like this has any level of admiration or respect for him? I highly doubt it. How could a woman respect a man like that when she is acting like more of a man than he is?

Very much of what I talk about on this show is the minutia of manhood. The stuff that you have to do consciously, the little details of your life that ultimately make you a better man. The things that are not so fun, like acknowledging your faults…so that you can improve them. I talk about these things because they are the easiest things to not do, to avoid, to forget, or to just not think about until after the opportunity has passed.

Here’s the thing though guys. The minutia does not have to be painful. It doesn’t have to be a chore unless we allow it to be. I say I hate washing bottles, and it’s true, in comparison to the other aspects of brewing it isn’t fun. But I’ve been washing my bottles for over ten years. I keep on doing it because I am focused on the reward, which is having a beautiful way to enjoy and share what I have made.

As men we have to suck it up and do what we need to do as men so that we can enjoy the rewards of being a man. So that our families can be taken care of, our bills will be paid, all the things in our life including ourselves will be in good working order and most importantly…so that all of our relationships will be healthy, and happy. Not only that, but in our wake we will have left an example for the other boys and men around us. That is why the minutia of manhood is so important.

Now head out into the world and pay attention to the details. Pay attention to the little things you do when no one else is watching. That’s the minutia, and that’s what will make you a better man today than you were yesterday.

_______________________________________

As I was getting ready to launch my book, I gathered together a group of people who wanted to help out, I refer to them as the launch team.

As a way of returning their kindness, I offered to promote their books and products or services here on the podcast. This is the first installment of that, and today I am featuring a man named Ole Jorgen Rodar.

Ole lives in Norway and has a fascinating life. His experience as a lifetime outdoor enthusiast, a student of the old ways, and as an accomplished archer and martial artist, lend to his fantasy/fiction writing an air of authenticity and realism, as well as historical depth because of his intimate knowledge of the area and times he is writing about.

His stories are full of unforgettable characters, epic battles, and great adventures that you will remember for a long time. You will read about the quests of hero’s, evil conspiracies, and ancient powers that will keep you riveted to the pages.

I strongly encourage all my listeners who are fans of such manly tales as these to get his books. They are available both in print and on kindle. They are in english, but he does have some written in Norwegian as well.

You can find them by typing the title in the Amazon search bar, or you can follow THIS LINK, there you will see all of his books.

The last thing I ask that is very important, please leave a review for him on Amazon.

Ole Rodar

__________________________________________

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

196 – You Don’t Learn Anything, When Your Lips Are Moving!

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 24 Apr 2017 07:05:21 -0500

You don’t learn anything, when your lips are moving!

I spent the weekend with a very diverse group of fascinating people. People from different walks of life, different interests and hobbies, different ages and genders. As I was moving among these people having conversations about this or that it occurred to me several times just how interesting humans are.

We are all the same animal, we are all human beings and yet, we are all so different in our own ways. We look different and talk different, we have different senses of humor. Every body has their own story and experience, their own history that is unique to them. When you multiply that by 7.4 billion people it becomes pretty remarkable that so much diversity could exist within a single species…but it does.

While that may be obvious, it’s also easy to take for granted. When we are dealing with people we tend to be more concerned with how we are being perceived by them. We wonder what they are thinking about us. Many of us seldom seize the opportunity to listen and learn from the people around us.

It doesn’t matter who the person is or what their background. There is usually something that can be learned from everyone, if we aren’t being obsessed with ourselves. I learned things this weekend from tiny children. I discovered some amazing things from other people who are a third of my age. I made it a point to try and learn something from every person I encountered—even the ones who didn’t say much.

I listened to stories and asked questions and I came away a richer man for having taken that time. That’s why I’m talking about this today, because it is an important skill to develop as a man. The more we learn about other people, the better understanding we may have of ourselves. The more we learn about other people the better equipped we will be to navigate through a world that is full of them and the more skillful we will become in the areas of communication, understanding, and ultimately—being a better man.

I’m going to discuss a couple techniques to keep in mind as you go through the world. Simple techniques that will help you learn as much as you can from the people you encounter on your path.

The first thing I encourage you to do is to show a genuine interest in other people. without being nosey ask them about their self, their life, what they like and don’t like and things like that. Find something to compliment them about. People love to talk about their self and when someone else shows an interest in them it goes a long way toward that person being open to having a conversation.

The second thing is more of a rule than a technique. No…it’s more of a law, like the law of gravity. This law is that it’s almost impossible to learn anything when your lips are moving. That is the case because when you are talking, you aren’t listening, and if you aren’t listening you probably aren’t learning anything. Listening and paying attention are skills that must be learned and they are skills that can constantly be improved.

For many people in social situations they tend to talk out of nervousness, just to fill the space between them and another person with something other than silence. When they do that they are usually talking about themselves exclusively, which gives other people the impression that is the only thing you are interested in…yourself.

It’s amazing though, how quickly people will begin talking if you show a genuine interest in them, and that is when you start learning stuff.

You might be wondering how this could help you be a better man. The answer to that is very simply, it is another way of improving yourself. When you improve, when you learn, when you add knowledge and experience to your brain you are becoming better. You are becoming better because everything you learn will help you navigate through life more smoothly, as a more competent person.

I think one of our jobs as a man is to learn as much as we can about everything. It helps you make decisions better because you have more data for comparative analysis. The more you learn about other people, the better understanding you will have of yourself, and of your impact in the world. If you develop a habit of paying attention to people and things around you you will increase in wisdom, confidence, and social intelligence.

All of these things are really handy in a world with so many other people, each one of them a little different than you. There are so many interesting things to learn from our fellow human beings.

You just never know. Someone could share something with you, or tell you a story that could change your life for the better somehow. The thing is, you’ll never know unless you give them the opportunity.

Now head out into the world and remember that if your lips are moving you aren’t learning squat. Remember to listen, watch, and wonder at the things other people have to say. Show a genuine interest in others and not only will you learn more from them, you will also be more highly regarded by them as well. If you do these things you may find life more interesting, and you will also be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey don’t forget to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

195 – The Difference Between Love & Lust

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 21 Apr 2017 07:05:58 -0500

Quick announcement before I get started, The eBook Kindle version of my book, Forging A Man, is now available on Amazon. The big part of that announcement is that it is still in the free promotion. So if you are listening to this episode between now and April 23rd, 2017—you can download the book for free! All I ask in return for the free book, is that you leave a review on Amazon. There is a link to download the book below

The print book will be available in about a week if everything goes right and I’ll let you know when that happens.

Well, it’s Friday. Now I’m going to take a moment to recognize the sponsor of our Friday show, StumpTown Kilts.

Last weekend my wife and I went to a local event called Norway Days over at the fairgrounds. As I’m walking around I had three or four different people come up to me and compliment me on my kilt, which was of course…a StumpTown Kilt. Even people who are wearing other brands of kilts have complimented me on my kilt.

So every time that happens I take a minute to show the people some of the features like the big hidden pocket, the adjustable sizes and the snap on pockets, and I tell them about the fact that I don’t have to iron it. Everyone who approaches me seems to want one, especially after I show them these things. One guy wouldn’t let me leave until I wrote down the information for him to get one.

I’m used to it now. That is what life is like in a StumpTown Kilt. You get noticed and envied, and so does your kilt. Now the listeners of this podcast can get their very own kilt for a substantial discount. All you do is go to stumptownkilts.com and pick out your next kilt. Then, when you are checking out you enter the purchase code: betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your online purchase.

It’s a great deal, so stop putting it off and go visit stumptownkilts.com today.

_______________________________

OK, so I got a letter from a listener named Raiyan a couple days ago. This is what he said:

“Hi Alf, I was wondering if you could talk about the role of love in men’s lives. I’ve personally been emotionally invested in relationships that weren’t there and I feel like this feeling is consuming my manhood and my life in general.”

I think what Raiyan is talking about here is something that has happened to most of us at least once in our lives. You fall madly in love with someone to the point that it becomes unhealthy. It becomes all you think about, you stop eating regularly. You start making stupid decisions and acting in ways that are not customary to you.

Sometimes your other real relationships start to suffer as a consequence of your single minded passion. You do all this only to find out that there is no relationship there at all. The other person does not feel the same way you do, and all of that emotional energy was just wasted.

At the end of that it’s hard to feel very good about yourself. That happened to me once and after it was all over I felt like a fool, it was embarrassing.

Here is what I think about this. If this scenario happens once or twice when you are a young guy, thats pretty normal. It happened to me when I was a teenager. I think it’s just one of the unfortunate effects our hormones can have on us, they can make us a little crazy.

However, if this situation keeps happening over and over again. If it keeps going on into your adulthood and starts to have a negative impact on your life, consuming you—that’s not normal.

Whenever we repeat a negative cycle that means we did not learn that lesson. In a healthy situation, something bad happens and we learn from that experience so that it can’t happen again. If you find yourself getting caught in the same thing over and over again the first thing you need to do is recognize that, and try to figure out what you are supposed to be learning. You have to think your way out of it with your enormous human brain power. You have to choose to end the cycle, or you will continue to be a victim of it.

There is something else going on here too though. In his letter the listener referred to this emotion as “love”. I think there is a definition problem. This situation is not about love in my opinion. It is more about desire, passion, lust, and procreation as far as I’m concerned.

These are all animal instincts left over from our distant past as a species. It’s something we share with every other species of animal on the planet, deep in our brainstem we have an impulse that tells us we need to mate. In the animal world it makes male animals almost kill themselves. They stop eating, they fight with every other male that comes around, and sometimes they even kill each other. These behaviors are not very useful as a human, in fact they are a problem.

Love is something entirely different, and I believe it separates us from animals. After the initial infatuation is over, after you stop having butterflies in your stomach every time you see someone, that is when love happens in my opinion. Because that is when love becomes a choice. We have to choose to love people. I think love is a verb, an action word, because when you make a conscious choice to love someone you also need to demonstrate that love with kindness and thoughtfulness. You need to put that other persons needs above your own and make sacrifices, and do whatever you can to communicate this choice you have made to love them.

See the difference? Our animal instincts that are often referred to as love are not really love at all. When they are in effect we have little control over it. We are not in charge because we are being ran by our instincts and hormones.

However, when real love happens, it happens because we chose that it would. We are in charge of how we demonstrate, nurture, and grow that love. It is a conscious emotion, rather than a reaction to a primal impulse.

I have heard people say many times that “You can’t help who you love”, as an excuse for people who find themselves in a bad situation or who made a bad relationship choice. I disagree with this statement entirely. Perhaps what they mean is that you can’t help who you are attracted to, I agree with that. But we can help what we do about that attraction. Just because we are attracted to someone does not mean it would be a good idea to pursue them as a relationship…there has to be more than just attraction to create an environment where true love can flourish.

Thank you Raiyan for that question. If you need more specifics just email me again at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Alright guys, head out into the weekend and remember that you are a man. As a man you have control of how you react to your impulses. We have the power to decide how we want our life to be, and then make it that way. While you are doing all that, remember to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

194 – Your Relationships, Are Your Fault!

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 19 Apr 2017 07:05:33 -0500

Your Relationships, Are Your Fault!

You may have tuned in today expecting to hear a story. It would make sense, after all I have been telling stories on Wednesday for over a year now. I hope you aren’t too disappointed, but today I don’t have a story.

I have not run out of stories entirely…but there is a finite supply of them, seeing as how I just have this one life and everything. So the stories may be a bit more sporadic going forward, because I don’t want to use them all up and not have any more to tell.

The other reason there is no story today is because I honestly just have other things on my mind. You know what I mean…spring can do that to you. For me, when the seasons change I have to go through this period of adjustment. When spring comes and everything starts growing There are so many things I need to get done that I couldn’t do in the winter months.

I have baby lambs now, there is a garden to plant, I still have wood to split and things to build…it can be a little overwhelming. So that is part of what is occupying my brain.

On top of that, my book went live on amazon today, at least the eBook portion of it did. Thats right, you can go to Amazon right now and type in my name or the book title; Forging A Man, and it will pop right up. Just so you know, it’s going to be free for the next 5 days, from the 19th to the 23rd. After that it will be $3.99. I wanted to make it free for a few days so that all of you could download it and leave a review for me on Amazon. There is a link below to make it easy.

Those Amazon reviews are really important because they determine how visible the book is to new readers, so I really appreciate you doing that in exchange for the free eBook.

The print book will be out in about a week, I’m waiting to get the proof to look over before I unleash it onto the world. I’ll let you know when that one is available as well…and you really should have both of them anyway, and don’t forget they will make a great gift too.

That kind of leads in to what I want to talk about today. You might be thinking I don’t have a topic…but I do.

Getting this book finished is a monumental thing for me. It’s the culmination of a lifetime of not only living…but paying attention while I was living. My dad told me the other day that he remembers when I was in high school, and I wanted to write a book way back then. So it’s a big thing for me, but I didn’t do it alone. I have people. People who have stepped up to help me bring this thing to fruition. That’s really what I want to talk about is the people who have helped me, because I couldn’t do this alone. I couldn’t do any of this alone.

You know how I’m always saying that our relationships are the most precious things we possess? Every day that I live proves that, because the relationships I have are what makes my life valuable enough to do anything.

There are 19 people that agreed to be part of the launch team for the book. Throughout this process they have been giving me their insights and helping me edit. They encourage me and tell me when I’m on the right track and when I’m not, and now that it’s time to publish they are going to be helping me spread the word and write reviews and all that stuff that needs to be done.

I’m not paying these people. They are doing it out of the goodness of their heart, because they believe in the books mission, and because of the relationship I have established with them. It’s really amazing, and I’m super grateful for each one of them.

On the day to day front there is one person who is head and shoulders above the rest of the pack, and that’s my wife Lulie. You know before I release any episode, she listens to it first. She either gives me the green light, or she tells me that I might want to word something differently. She doesn’t tell me what to talk about or how, but She is always encouraging me to “be kind to my listeners”. What she means is that sometimes I might tend to be too graphic, or to explain things that really don’t need explanation, or I might say something that would needlessly offend someone because I’m not tuned into that. Fortunately, she has not needed to correct me too often, but it’s nice to know she has my back for those few times that I do need her help.

She also did the final edit on the book, reading each word and correcting punctuation and typos. Being honest with me when something wasn’t phrased white right. Those are just some of the things she does, I could do two or three episodes if I talked about everything she does. She is truly a relationship in my life that adds real value to each day, and makes me want to be a better man. That’s a good thing…since I’m married to her and everything.

Then there is my dad, my brother and sister, my kids and their kids. All my friends here at home and all over the world, and there is you—my listeners. I am truly a blessed man in the relationship department.

I could go on and on but that would become redundant. The reason I’m talking about this is because like I said, it is living proof of what I always say, that our relationships are the most precious things we have. It’s also proof of something else I say, and that is what we focus on expands. I wouldn’t have all these relationships if I didn’t focus on them, if I didn’t hold them in high regard and treat them accordingly.

Our relationships are a direct result of the care and effort we put into them. So if you are also blessed with great relationships that make your life better—it’s your fault, you can take the credit for that. Likewise, if you are unhappy with the quality of relationships you have—that is probably your fault as well.

The reason this is all important to us as men, is because we were designed to be in relationship with other people. The human animal does much better and survives much longer in a group of other humans. So being good at having relationships is essentially a fundamental survival skill.

I think this may be more important now then it has ever been before in human history. Because the age we live in is pretty easy, too easy. All of our basic needs are easily obtained and that leaves a lot of time for people to forget about whats really important. It’s really easy nowadays, to not be a good man.

However, focusing on our relationships fills that void. Our relationships are the remedy, because if we are focused on all of our relationships, that means we are engaged in the heath and well being of those relationships. It means we are doing good things and having good thoughts for the people we care about. Can you see how the very act of doing that can make you a better man every day? That’s why it’s important.

I have a measure of relationship with all of you listening, and I value that relationship very much as well. Some of you have written in and we have corresponded, or we interact on Facebook, so we have an even deeper relationship. I want you to all know that I’m available. If you have questions, or ideas or concerns I invite you to share them with me. Doing that will give me the opportunity to raise the level of relationship I have with you by getting to know you better. Just send me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men.

That’s what was on my mind today, and that’s why I didn’t have a story. Instead I just needed to talk about the importance of relationships in the life of a man. Think about all of your relationships over the next few days and see if there isn’t something you could do to make them even better, or at least to let the people know you appreciate them. Whenever we take time for the people we care about, we are being a better man.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

193 – A Man In Modern Times

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 17 Apr 2017 07:05:07 -0500

A Man In Modern Times…

I have a question for you today. Say you wake up in 2017 and you are a grown, human man. You walk outside and realize that there is nothing for you to kill, and there is plenty of food in your fridge. There is nobody that needs you to defend them right in the moment either. Everything seems to be going ok.

You go to work, you come home, you go through all the same stuff you normally do in the course of a day. Again, you didn’t get in any fights for territory or possessions, you didn’t have to spill blood of any kind. At the end of the day you didn’t have to do anything that was necessarily ‘male’, you just lived your life like you do every day.

My question is really a question someone asked me the other day. If you go through life without having to engage in traditional male activities…then what is it, exactly that defines you as a man?

What if you are a stay at home dad? Your wife has a sweet job and it makes sense for you to stay home and take care of the kids, should that challenge your masculinity at all?

I think a lot of guys get confused around these questions. That’s why so many guys act out with too much bravado and machismo because they are over compensating for a perceived lack of masculinity in other areas of their life.

Other guys just become raging douche bag control freaks in their relationships because they need to feel in charge of something to validate their manhood. Then there are some guys that try to convince themselves they are a man by having sex as much as humanly possible with as many partners as they can find.

It’s a problem, because a lot of guys nowadays are drifting into adulthood without having the slightest clue what being a man means. They have no example, no guidance, and the messages society is sending them is very confusing at times.

The real question then, is what does define a modern human man? Even though most days we don’t have to fight or kill or defend our tribe, what is it in this modern life that makes us a man?

The answer is surprisingly simple in my opinion, and it applies to every man wether he is a stay at home dad, or an Alaskan fisherman, or a pharmacist or a construction worker.

The fact that we don’t have to kill things to live every day and defend our loved ones against threats is a huge advantage. Our ancestors couldn’t even dream of a life as easy as the ones we have. It’s easy to get confused by how easy it is…at times it might seem as though life takes very little effort at all and that is where a lot of guys tend to get off track because the rules about manhood seem gray, instead of black and white.

Here is my answer to this question. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. It doesn’t matter were you live or what your lifestyle is like. The bottom line is that you are a man and there are some fundamental things that go along with that, things that transcend whatever situation you may be in.

As a man, you are in charge of yourself at all times. Not only yourself, but your immediate surroundings as well. You have a responsibility for the care and well being of the people that enter your personal manly realm. If you come across someone that needs help, you should help them because they are in your realm. If you see trash on the street, you should pick it up, because again, it is in your realm.

Along with that comes your obligation to keep your personal affairs in order; your finances, your career, and your relationships. These things aren’t anyones job but yours, and if they aren’t going well, its your fault.

As a modern man you also have a duty to yourself, to your physical fitness and health. If you are too fat or too weak or too sickly, then that becomes the grizzly bear you need to slay. Likewise, if your finances or your business life is spinning out of control then that is your opportunity to defend your tribe by taking care of business and doing the things you need to do.

Another thing that will define you as a man in these modern times is your strength. Not just your physical strength, but your mental and emotional strength as well. This is achieved by making it a point to know who you are, and always striving to know yourself more. Correcting behaviors that need to be corrected and being focused on improving a little bit every day. When tragedy strikes you should be the strong one, offering support and comfort to those around you…the people in your realm.

Do you see how if you become concerned with these few things I just mentioned that your manhood will not be ambiguous? Do you see how, by focusing on these things, at the end of the day you can be 100% secure in your place as a man in the world?

It really isn’t complicated. Times have changed, conditions have improved dramatically, but the male animal is the same thing it was 5000 years ago. We have to adapt to this modern paradigm, we have to transfer our primal instincts to things that make sense. To things that will have a positive impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. Don’t get bogged down in stereotypes and restrictive gender roles, just be the best guy you can be everyday and try to be a little better man than you were yesterday. In the few examples I gave there is plenty to keep you busy, there is enough to challenge you every day.

Now head out into the world and always be accountable for yourself. Have care for the people who enter your realm, have concern for the world around you. Constantly build on your physical, mental, and emotional strength and strive to be a little better man each day that you live. Focus on those things, and they will become what you are; a true man, a better man.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

192 – Fidelity…or the lack thereof

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 14 Apr 2017 15:10:47 -0500

FIDELITY…or the lack thereof

As you know the launch of my book is imminent. It will be available before the end of this month of April. It’s called “Forging A Man” and it is a collection of stories that I have told on this very podcast, along with the lessons learned from them. Be watching out for it, because when I launch it will have a lower introductory price for about a week before it goes up, and I want to make sure the listeners of this program are able to take advantage of that lower cost.

It will be available in both ebook and print form, but whichever one you get, I suggest you get an extra copy of the print book because it has a really cool cover, and it will make a great gift, so start thinking of who you want to give it to right now.

This is Friday, and our Friday episodes are sponsored by the great people at Stump Town Kilts so I’m going to take a minute to talk about all the reasons you should be wearing one of your very own.

I own three of these kilts myself, and just a couple days ago I was at an event where I ran into two other guys who were also wearing kilts. The three of us eventually would up in a conversation and we started talking about the kilts we were wearing because they each were made by a different manufacturer.

I let both of them go first and when they were done I started showing them what makes Stumptown Kilts different. Then I showed them the huge hidden pocket and the snap on accessories. I opened it up and showed them how they are adjustable up to five sizes. What really got their attention was the material itself, and the fact that they are wash and wear…you don’t have to spend time ironing pleats, you just put it on and go.

Needless to say, they were both amazed by the innovation and design of the kilt I was wearing. It made them feel like their kilt was a relic of the past and now they both want one.

As a listener of this show you can have one of your own at a discounted price. Just go to stumptownkilts.com, pick out the kilt you want and when you are checking out enter the purchase code: betterman, all one word, all lower case, and you will receive 10% off your online purchase. You can’t beat that with a stick, so do it today.

OK guys, today I want to talk about fidelity. We don’t hear that word too often in normal life. Much more often we hear the word infidelity—which describes the absence of fidelity.

Almost without exception, whenever someone hears the words fidelity or infidelity the first thing they think of is loyalty within a sexual relationship. Certainly, these words apply to that and it’s a very important thing, but these words also apply to a wide range of other situations, and each one of them are critical if you are being a better man.

Fidelity doesn’t just mean loyalty. It can also mean precision, faithfulness, accuracy, and meticulousness. It applies to every relationship you have, not just your intimate ones.

For example I have a relationship with Stump Town Kilts that I mentioned earlier. They are my sponsor, and in that relationship I owe them fidelity. That’s why I tell everyone how great they are and do whatever I can to spread the word about their product. It’s also why I would not advocate any other brand of kilt.

In another example, yesterday was my friend Dan’s birthday, so I called and talked to him for a while and told him happy birthday. It was a simple act, but it was an act of fidelity in our friendship.

We have many different types of relationships, we have family, friend, work, business, and school relationships. You have some degree of relationship with every human you interact with. And every single relationship you have, comes with its own form of fidelity that is owed by you and the other person in that relationship.

You don’t just owe fidelity to people either, you can also owe fidelity to an organization you are affiliated with or that you belong to, or the country you live in.

All of these relationships you have come with an expectation of loyalty and faithfulness from you. An expectation that you will perform with precision according to those expectations. In turn, they owe you fidelity.

The reason I’m talking about this is because many of us just go through life without thinking about it too much. We are all aware of the expectations in our various relationships, and most of us intend on acting correctly. However, if we aren’t actually thinking in terms of fidelity and the significance of it, it becomes much easier to fall short of our obligations. That is when infidelity occurs.

I believe words have power. And if we think and speak of our role in the relationships we have in terms of fidelity, it suddenly takes on more significance and importance. It becomes more difficult to justify our lack of good behavior because now the word fidelity is in the way. Fidelity is one of those words that cannot be fudged around, you are either in fidelity or infidelity. It is for that reason that I encourage you to add that word to your regular vocabulary. Start thinking it and speaking it and your relationships will take on a new, higher level of significance.

The reasons fidelity is important should be obvious, especially if we want to be better men. If we want to be the best husband, boyfriend, father, son, brother, employee, or boss we can be…then our fidelity is paramount. Our fidelity as a man is tied directly to our word, our honor, and our reputation.

Now head out into the weekend and try applying the word fidelity to every interaction you have. As I’ve said many times before, our relationships are the most precious things we possess, and having fidelity is one of the best ways to preserve and strengthen those relationships, and it’s definitely another way to be a better man today, than we were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

191 – The Saga Of Little Big Turkey

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 12 Apr 2017 07:05:06 -0500

The Saga Of Little Big Turkey…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Saga Of Little Big Turkey.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Saga Og Little Big Turkey, is really about confidence and attitude, and how we can use them to our advantage if used with a measure of intelligence, reason, and compassion.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

190 – Is It Manly To Swear, Or Not?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 07:05:01 -0500

Swearing, is it Manly?

Welcome to Being A Better Man. I would like to also welcome all of you first time listeners to the show, I’m really glad you found me. For your convenience all 190 episodes are archived here at the website. They in the dropdown tab under podcast episodes.

I also want to update everyone on the book that is coming out. Its called Forging a man —a collection of true tales and the lessons wrought from them, and It is in the final editorial process right now. Once that is done I will be pulling the trigger, launching the book, and it will be available for you to purchase this month.

I will of course announce when it is available, but I want you to be ready for it. The success or failure of a book nowadays depends a lot on what happens in the first 30 days so it’s important that if you intend to get a copy, to get it quickly when it is published, and then leave an honest review on Amazon, thats very important as well. Don’t forget that this book will also make a great gift so you do not have to limit yourself to just one.

What I would like to talk about today is swearing. Where does swearing fit on the spectrum of manly behavior? It really depends on who you ask doesn’t it?

If you ask a devoutly religious person for example, they would tell you that swearing is wrong, period. As you walk down the street and ask everyone else you run into this question, you would probably get an entire range of answers. Some of the answers would probably even include swear words. So it seems like there is not one definitive answer to this question.

Nor is it my job to tell you its either good or bad right or wrong. I personally think questions like this are up to each individual to answer for themselves, with their own brain. I think each man should determine what is and is not acceptable behavior, and then abide by that decision because you decided it was right, and not because someone else told you it was.

To make this type of decision all a person really needs is information—and that I can help you with. My job is to give you information and also to share my thoughts and experience with you from a perspective of manhood, so that you are better able to make these types of decisions for yourself. My job is to inspire you to think about these things.

I’ll do that by telling you what I think, and why, and wether you agree with me or not you will be in a better position to make your own decision. You will have more information.

I’ll start out by saying that I do not think swearing is manly. In other words, the use of swear words do not make a man appear more like a man in my opinion.

You may have noticed that I don’t use swear words on this show, there is a specific reason for that. It’s the same reason I didn’t swear in front of my children when they were little. As a father I was an example, as host of this podcast I am also an example.

When we are acting in the capacity of an example we have to be careful, because anything we do or say will be interpreted as condoned, acceptable behavior. In other words, if I were to swear frequently on this show it would be the same as me telling all of you that I think you should swear a lot. I have made a decision for myself that it would irresponsible of me to send that message.

I personally don’t have any problems with swear words, they do not offend me. Depending on how and where they are used they can be very descriptive and dramatic, they can even be funny. However, I realize that some people are very offended by swear words. Therefore, as a man in public, having care for the happiness and well being of everyone around me, I choose not to use potentially offensive swear words. That is the decision I made for myself.

Do I swear? Yes, sometimes I do. Mostly when I am by myself and something dramatic or painful happens. Or when I am in the company of people I know extremely well, and I don’t have to be concerned about offending them. In these cases swear words can make certain points, or punchlines, that would be difficult otherwise, if they are used correctly.

Swear words are still words after all, and words mean things. I do not advocate swearing for the sake of swearing, just to be edgy. That is something we did around 7th grade as we were trying on our adult personas.

Many swear words are very over-used. Whenever any word is used too much its meaning and impact become diluted. Many swear words are adjectives, but when they are used as an adjective for everything, it can make the person speaking appear like they are not very bright in my opinion, as though they have a very limited vocabulary. There are lots of great adjectives in the world that would make speech more precise and accurate, if they were used instead.

I’ve noticed people tend to swear more when they are drinking. This in my opinion is not honest behavior on their part, because if you have made a decision when you are sober not to swear for some reason, then being drunk does not overturn that decision. It would still be wrong according to your decision. You are merely using alcohol as an excuse, and excuses are something I do consider to be un-manly.

Something else to consider is that what is a swear word to one person, may not be a swear word to another person. For example I do occasionally say damn, or hell and some people might consider those swear words, while I do not. In some household the word fart is a swear word. Swearing is an important component is some cultures, and they are very proud of it, and in other cultures it is severely frowned upon.

Obviously, the use of swear words really does depend on who you are, what you are doing, and where you are. There really isn’t one answer to this question. I have listeners from all over the world and it will be a little different for everyone.

There is something that is the same though, no matter where you are. If you are a man, then you have an obligation to decide for yourself what is acceptable behavior, and then be true to your decision. As a man you are going to be an example for someone as well, and it’s up to you to decide what messages you want to give the people you are an example for.

Its a pretty simple formula really. It boils down to two sentences: 1. Make a decision, and then stick by it no matter what. 2. Remember someone is always watching you, and you have a responsibility to be a good example.

If you keep these two sentences in mind and aspire to accomplish them you will definitely be a better man than you were yesterday, no matter where you are.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

189 – Life Is Significant…so are you!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 07 Apr 2017 07:05:04 -0500

Life Is Significant…

In the above picture I was demonstrating how NOT to weed a garden, it was kind of a joke.

You never know whats going to happen on Fridays…because I just talk about what is in the upper crust of my brain. As it relates to being abetter man of course.

Before I get into today’s content though, I am going to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s program, Stump Town kilts. They are called the sponsor because they help me produce the Friday episodes…without them, there may not be any Friday episodes so I encourage all of you to head over to their website at stumptownkilts.com to check them out.

As their name implies, they make kilts. In my opinion the finest most innovative kilts available. These are the only kilts I will wear now, because I love them. The craftsmanship is impeccable, the design features are cutting edge. They are doing things no other kilt manufacturer is doing…like making them adjustable to five or six sizes, making snap on accessory pockets, and don’t forget about the huge hidden pocket right in the front and the durable wash and wear fabric…which means no ironing.

If you have ever considered stepping up your game and wearing a manly kilt, then this is where you need to go; stumptownkilts.com. As a listener of this program, you can get 10% off your entire purchase by entering the code: betterman at checkout. All one word, all lower case. So check them out today at stumptownkilts.com.

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Alright, so today what is on my mind is dirt. As in the stuff that covers the earth that plants grow out of. The reason I’m thinking about dirt is because I spent most of the day with my wife, getting our garden ready for planting. I’m covered with dirt right this minute in fact, just like in the picture.

It was a lot of work. I can feel it in my back and my knees, but it was a good day.

There is something about working the soil that is very primal, it goes back to our very early ancestors. Just having your hands in the dirt, preparing it to be planted with things you will eventually eat. There is something about the act of doing that, that connects you to the land and changes your outlook on things.

I realize not everyone has a garden. Many people live in cities, or in situations where gardening is not an option. Here me out on this though. The point I’m making applies to everyone.

I do not garden for survival. No one I know gardens for survival any more. Now we just do it for the joy of creating our own food, and because it taste better than what we find in the store. But if we go back just a couple hundred years, and from there go back to the dawn of mankind, it was all about survival. Our ancestors, yours and mine, had to plant things, and tend to them, and harvest them, so they could feed their self through the winter. If they didn’t plant enough, or if a late freeze killed their crops, or if disease or insects or anything else damaged their crop guess what? People might die. It was a very big deal.

Many of our ancestors didn’t have jobs they went to every day like we do now. Instead they had their land. Their crops and livestock, and it was a full time back breaking job making sure it all went well. They depended on the harvest just like we depend on our paychecks now.

In the process, these people that came before us had something many of us do not, and that is, a profound connection to life, the dirt, the weather and the seasons. To the earth in general.

The reason I’m talking about this is because I think something is missing nowadays. We go to work, we get a paycheck, we pay our bills and live our lives but, our paychecks don’t really connect us to anything except our employer or our business. We are trading our time for money, instead of investing our time toward the creation of our actual sustenance. There is a big difference in that.

We go to the grocery store and buy our food. Or we go to a restaurant and order a meal and its not a big deal. How often, when you are eating a meal do you consider what went in to producing it? Most of us just take it for granted. Whatever kind of food you want, can usually be obtained without too much trouble.

Actually nowadays we take many, many things for granted, and that leads me to the point of this entire episode.

What if we went through the world and took nothing for granted? What would that be like? We would probably be super grateful for everything we received. We would rejoice about everything we had; our clothes, our cars, our food…we would even be appreciative of the water we drink and the air we breath.

It might be hard to imagine, but do you think if you took nothing for granted that its safe to say you would be more appreciative of life itself? I think so. This is the part that has to do with being a better man. You might be wondering how not taking things for granted could help you be a better man, and I’m about to tell you.

If life was to become a bigger deal than it is now. If we took nothing for granted and were appreciative of everything in the world around us. It stands to reason that our own lives, our actions or lack of action would also take on more significance because we would be connected to that world. The way we live would matter more than it does now because we would have a greater connection to the world we live in. Can you see how that might help you become a better man?

I’m not suggesting that you suddenly take nothing for granted, that would be impossible in today’s world. I am suggesting that you make a concentrated effort to take less things for granted though. Be more appreciative of life. I believe if you can muster up a genuine appreciation for things in your life both big and small, that your own life will take on more significance as a result.

When you see your life as a significant thing, then how you live matters. The choices you make, the actions you take, and the things you say now have a connection to the world, and consequences that are bigger than you.

I believe this is how our ancestors lived. Its how our species was designed to relate to the world, in a spirit of appreciation.

So think about that as you go through the next few days. Make an effort to look around your life and be appreciative of the things that are there instead of taking them for granted. Consider how you fit into that equation, and what you add to the world. I think you’ll find if you do that, the choice to be a better man than you were yesterday becomes a lot easier, because who you are is significant, and what you do matters.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

188 – Dreams Ignite Ambition

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 07:09:17 -0500

Dreams Ignite Ambition…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Dreams Ignite Ambition.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Dreams Ignite Ambition, is about the power of dreams, and their ability to release the potential within all of us, if we allow it..

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

187 – A Family Tradition…our responsibility as men

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 07:05:31 -0500

A Family Tradition…our responsibility as men

Welcome one and all to Being A Better Man. The podcast that is focused on the character of men…for the sake of the rest of the world. My name is Alf Herigstad, I’m your host, and I am very glad you are listening today.

Hey if you enjoy this podcast, if you agree with the mission here, it would mean a lot to me if you pop over to the iTunes page and leave a rating and review. The more reviews I have the more visible the show becomes, and it makes it easier for new listeners to find it. Thank you for doing that.

Also, if you are a regular consumer of the show, and you would like to help keep this content coming, there is another way you can show your support. You can go to Patreon and actually become a patron of the show by pledging your support on a monthly basis. It can be as little as a dollar a month, or as much as you want. When you do that it does two things; it lets me know that the show is having an impact and you want more, and it also helps me with some of the expenses associated with producing the show. You can watch a video I made and learn more about it at: http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/Patreon

If you have been listening for awhile, you know that these episodes cover a pretty wide range of topics, but they all ultimately relate to our life as men, and being a better man than we were yesterday.

You may have wondered how I come up with the topics I talk about, and how I decide what to talk about on any given day. Well basically, I just look around in the world. I see whats going on. I listen to the news and see what people are talking about on social media, and I ponder what effect it all has on the state of manhood in the world. Usually there is something that is sticking in my brain more than other things, and I talk about that.

Today there is something sticking in my brain, and I need to talk about it. This doesn’t come to me from the world at large, but rather from my own life. It’s a very personal topic for me. Today I’m talking about family. More specifically, the importance of family customs and traditions, and our role as men within our families.

I got to thinking about this because my son and his daughter are in town for a visit from Michigan. One of the things my family likes to do when we all get together, is sing. We are a very musical family. The creation or appreciation of music is something that we share. So we all went out as a family for a night of Karaoke.

I was singing, so was my brother and my son and daughter. Watching my children sing always gives me goosebumps, because it sort of defines them as members of our clan, doing something that has been passed along from one generation to the next. I sang a duet with my son, and that was a lot of fun. My brother is amazing to listen to and frequently gets standing ovations.

Then I looked at my father. The patriarch of the family, my mentor, the same man who molded me from his example of what it means to be a man. He doesn’t sing because his hearing is pretty bad, he’s 81 years old now. He was sitting there watching all of us, and I could see the pride and joy in his eyes as he watched his progeny demonstrate their togetherness through music and enjoy each others company. It was one of those moments when I thought “That’s what life is all about.” This moment is one of the rewards of a life well lived.

My daughter took a picture of him as he was watching one of us singing. I used that picture for this episode because it really captured that moment. Its the picture at the top of this page. That’s my dad.

It was a good night. It was one of many that we have shared throughout my life. Often when we are sitting as a group we are either telling each other stories, or my brother is playing his guitar and we are singing. Singing and telling stories are two things that bind us together and reenforce our bonds as a family.

Many families have such customs. I have known some families who’s traditions center more around meals, or cookouts, or games they play. Some families might be brought together by certain activities like hiking or biking or even watching sports together. Whatever it is, these family customs serve a vital role in strengthening the bonds between family members.

As a man, I feel it is a responsibility of mine to encourage these customs, like my father always has. It is a hope of mine that one day I when I am in my 80’s I can sit and watch with pride as my progeny engages in the activities that have defined us as a family for several generations. Maybe one of my grand daughters will take a picture of me enjoying that moment.

I realize we don’t all come from close families, or large families. Many families are fractured and broken, their customs and traditions lost to the past. Its unfortunate, but it is a reality as well. Still others of us, a good number in fact, may not have any blood family at all, but you still have chosen family. People with whom you are bound and related to, through experience and love.

My message today is for all men though. Wether you are blessed with a close family or if you find yourself struggling to keep a fractured family together, or you are a member of a chosen family unrelated by blood. Your responsibility to your family is the same in either case.

If your family has customs and traditions that bring you together then it’s your job to encourage those things, to instigate them and facilitate them. To make sure they continue for the sake of future generations.

If your family doesn’t have such customs, then its your job to start them, to invent them. Find something that you all have an aptitude or an appreciation for, and set time aside to enjoy that activity as a family. Don’t wait for someone else to do it, be the man in your family, and cause it to happen. Become a positive agent of change that will make your family closer.

If you do this you will be rewarded. One day you will find yourself like me, or my dad, watching your family being related, enjoying each others company, taking pride in the fact that you are all tied together by something that you enjoy, which also defines you as a group, as a family. It’s one of the many rewards of a life well lived.

Now head out into the world and remember to cherish those that you call your family. Treat all of your relationships as though they are the most valuable things you possess, because they are. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so we only have today to make a difference, don’t waste it. Along the way, as you do these things, you will become a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

186 – Blueprint Of A Man…Sharing our strength

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 31 Mar 2017 07:05:33 -0500

Blueprint Of A Man…

Today I’m going to share with you a message I received earlier today and talk about that for a little bit. But first, we need to take a moment and recognize the illustrious sponsor of today’s program; Stump Town Kilts.

This company is located in Stump Town, also known as Portland Oregon. I have been to their facility, I have met the people behind the kilts…and let me tell you, you will not find a group of people more dedicated to the creation of top quality kilts than these people.

Every kilt made by them has received their personal attention in every detail. That is why I have them as a sponsor of this show, because I know they stand behind their product 100%, and I stand behind them. I don’t just stand behind them…I stand IN them. I own three of these kilts myself. Really guys, here’s the formula; Suburb craftsmanship + Innovative original design + people who take pride in their work = a Stumptown Kilt.

So don’t wait, go to their website at stumptownkilts.com and order your new kilt, today. For listeners of this show if you enter the code: betterman, at checkout, you will receive 10% off your online purchase.

OK, today I got a letter on the Being A Better Man Facebook page. I’m going to share that letter with you because it brings up an important point.

This message came from a woman, and she wrote:

Alf, Thank you so much for doing all that you do. My husband listens to your show and has begun sharing the episodes with our 12 y/o son and myself and I had to take a moment to say you enrich the lives of all that hear your voice. I grow and am able to better support the men and growing men in my life with every show. I appreciate your time and all the energy you put in to improving the lives around you. Have a great day! Aloha!

Besides the letter itself, and the compliment to me and the show, which is awesome. I want to focus on something else, and that is this woman’s husband. He did something extraordinary and important, he started sharing the show with her and their 12 year old son.

I want to applaud this man, because by sharing something with his family that he thought was important and beneficial, he became a better man than he was yesterday. By sharing things like this he is perfectly executing the function of a man. It was obviously a wise choice on his part because if it wasn’t, she would not have been compelled to write.

I’m not saying all this because it happened to be this show that he shared. It’s great that he did, but there are many things that we as men can share with the other people in our lives, and every time we do it makes us a better man.

You have probably heard me say before many times that a man should share his strength. What does that mean? Well, it can mean anything from opening a jar with a stuck lid, to being calm and confident in moments of great distress. It can mean being decisive when its necessary, or it could mean going to work every day to provide resources for the home.

Sharing your strength means any situation where you are offering yourself, your time, your resources, your courage, or your compassion to someone who needs it. Most often, that will be someone in your own family, but it doesn’t have to be.

The opposite of sharing is being selfish. Lets think about that for a minute. Is it possible for a man to be a selfish man, and still become a better man? I say no, its not possible.

A selfish man could become better at individual skills and activities. He could improve his fitness and his financial situation, but if he keeps it all to himself he will never become a better man. He might improve as a person in general, but he will not improve as a man because he is neglecting a fundamental function of manhood. That is, to have care for the happiness and welfare of those around you.

The reason I say this, has to do with how our species developed in the first place. 10,000 years ago when people were starting out if a man didn’t share his resources with the people around him, they would all die. If our ancient ancestors were selfish men, we wouldn’t be here at all, it was necessary for the survival of our species.

The women of that time were busy keeping their children alive. They didn’t have time to hunt or build shelters or defend the group from hostile forces, that was the mans job, and his sons learned from his example and so it went down through the generations.

As humans became more advanced it became less and less of a life or death issue, but sharing our strength and resources with those around us became part of the blueprint of what a man is. It’s a foundational requirement.

I would even go so far as to say, its one of the things that separate a man from a boy.

I challenge you to think of the greatest men you know right now. I bet every one of them shared a significant portion of himself with the world around him. If he hadn’t, you wouldn’t think he was a great man.

So that’s what I noticed in that message I got from Hawaii. That woman’s husband is operating correctly, according to the blueprint drafted by his ancestors centuries ago. Well done.

Now head out into the world and remember that part of being a man is sharing the best of yourself with others who can use it. It makes the connections between people stronger. It makes families more stable. It makes our society function in the way it was designed, and it makes you a better man today, than your were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

185 – The Absence Of Color

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 07:05:52 -0500

The Absence Of Color…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Absence Of Color.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Absence Of Color, is about something that happened that made me understand how much we appreciate things when we no longer have them, and how we can choose to appreciate even the small things.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

184 – Guest: Dan McDonald, Accountability – Improvement – Legacy

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 07:05:31 -0500

Guest: Dan McDonald…

Today, as usual I am broadcasting from the secret man cave, hidden deep in the wilds of Washington State. But today there is something different. Today I have someone with me here, a special guest named Dan Mcdonald.

I’ll give you a little background; Dan Mcdonald is a personal friend of mine, in fact, he’s my best friend outside of my blood family, he actually officiated the wedding of me and my wife. We are blessed with his presence today because he traveled 2 1/2 hours to my home, to spend a couple days with us, visiting, because that is what friends do.

I’ve been wanting to have him on the show for some time because he is one of the best examples I know of a man committed to being a better man every day, and he also has a dynamic story that I think will reach a lot of you. Since he was already here, I thought this was a perfect opportunity.

Dan McDonald and I discuss a lot of things in this episode.

We talk about how two guys from such different backgrounds can wind up being friends.
He reveals the effects of a life-changing event that happened when he was 15, when he lost his eye..
Dan McDonald talks about his 20 year career as a musician.
His experience as an up and coming rock star in the Seattle Grunge scene, and the inherent pitfalls of that lifestyle.
Dan candidly tells us what happened, that turned his life around.
We discuss fatherhood, divorce, true love, and friendship.

Finally, Dan McDonald gives us his three biggest things to focus on, that will help us be better men today than we were yesterday. They are:

Accountability
Perpetual Improvement
and Awareness of Legacy.

I think you are going to enjoy Dan and his story. Its a very candid, authentic interview between two men, who happen to be friends. I would love to hear you thoughts on it. Remember, you can always email me at: alf@beingbetter.men

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

183 – You Are Not Alone

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 24 Mar 2017 07:05:49 -0500

YOU ARE NOT ALONE…

Today’s episode is being brought to you by our magnanimous sponsor; Stump Town Kilts. I partnered up with StumpTown Kilts because I believe in their product, I wear their product, and I stand behind the craftsmanship of their product and the integrity of their company. If I didn’t, they would not be a sponsor for Being A Better Man.

Recently we had a contest. Stump Town kilts donated a kilt to be given away to the winner. And the winner, was Teri Roe, a female listener of the program. I just found out that she went with the camouflage option. They come in a variety of colors, and i’m telling you the style and craftsmanship of these kilts cannot be beat.

Now don’t feel bad because you didn’t get in on the contest. You can still get your very own StumpTown kilt at a substantial discount by going to their website; stumptownkilts.com and when you are checking out enter the code; betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Don’t wait, do it today because premium kilt weather is just around the corner my friends.

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Here we are again, its Friday and the weekend is upon us. I trust that you have all been having success, being a better man each day. I trust you have been diligent finding that opportunity in your life each day to be a better man than you were the day before. I applaud your efforts! You really should give yourself a pat on the back because its a pretty big deal.

However, if you are having a hard time, if you are struggling with finding ways to be a better man, I want to invite you to contact me. Just write me a letter and let me know what you are struggling with.

It can be very tough at times, for all of us. Because we all have developed habits over the course of our lives that are not the best, lets face it. A bad habit could be the kind of people you hang out with, the places you go, how you spend your free time, what your diet looks like, or any number of things. It is these habits that are standing in the way of your individual improvement as a man.

To break that cycle requires a great deal of personal will, strength of character, and tremendous focus. You know I always say that the things we focus on expand right? Well the focus required to replace a bad habit with a good one is off the charts. Its the kind of focus that common men don’t have the strength for, it’s hard, and it can be uncomfortable. It’s a good thing for us that we are not common men…we my friends, you and I, are better men.

But, even the best of men will slip at times, or go through a tough patch. We are human beings and thats just part of life. Its at times like these that it really helps to have a mentor. Someone to hold you accountable, someone that will be straight with you when you need it. A person you can rely on to help you alter your perspective when you need to.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I know everybody has friends, but you may not have friends that are concerned with being a better man every day. What if you did? What if you had a friend that was in the same boat as you, dedicated to perpetual improvement in every area of their life? Your conversations with this person might be more productive than 20 conversations with people that don’t share this mentality.

So I’m having this idea of starting a program that will hook you up with another guy. Kind of a double mentorship. This podcast has been downloaded over 220,000 times, so there are plenty of guys out there listening that have the same objective as you. What if you could team up with a guy and maybe he’s in a whole other country, but it doesn’t matter…once a week or so you call each other or email back and forth and just talk about your lives, whats hard, whats easy, brag about your victories a little too, with another guy that is also being a better man.

At those times when it gets hard, when life is throwing you curveballs, it can really help to have another man that understands.

So thats the idea I’m having, but I’m not going to go through the effort of setting it all up if nobody wants to do it. I need to see some interest. So if this is something you would take advantage of, write me an email at alf@beingbetter.men and let me know. If enough guys write and tell me…then I will develop a method that you can partner up with somebody, or maybe even more than one person. So let me know.

Now I have a little announcement to make. As you may know I have been working of getting a book published. A compilation of the Wednesday stories that I have told on this podcast. I’m really excited about this project and its getting very close to completion. The announcement I want to make to you, is what the title is. Only myself and the launch team I have compiled know the title, and now you will too.

This project is important to me because besides being entertaining, every one of these stories has a lesson attached to it that has to do with being a better man. That is the kind of thing that can have an impact on people. Everybody knows somebody that could use these kind of stories…so start thinking right now who you would like to get a book for, besides yourself. Help me spread it around. I will also ask all of you to go onto Amazon and write a review for the book once I get it launched, that will help make it more available to more people.

Ok…the Title of the book is: FORGING A MAN, A collection of true tales, and the lessons wrought from them.

I called it that because everything that happens to us, good or bad, is like the blow of a hammer on a piece of hot steel…shaping it into what it will become. The stories in the book were all hammer blows in my life, so thats how I came up with the title.

So I would love to know what you all think of that, you can tell me on Facebook, Twitter, or RIGHT HERE ON THE WEBSITE.

Thats about it for today guys, but remember if you are interested in better man buddy program (for lack of a better term since I have not named it yet) I talked about you have to let me know. Let me know what you think of the book title as well. Check out my Patreon page if you would like to support this show by becoming a patron.

Now head out into the world and look for opportunities to be a better man every where you go. You don’t have to be amazing…you just need to be better than you were yesterday, and then keep doing that every single day. Don’t forget to look in the mirror too, take a look at yourself and be honest about the things that actually need improving, and then start improving them, a little bit each day is all it takes. That is how, we become a better man today, than we were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

182 – Make Guilt & Shame Work For You

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 22 Mar 2017 07:05:19 -0500

Guilt & Shame…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Make Guilt & Shame Work For You.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Make Guilt & Shame Work For You, is an embarrassing story, for me. Because I reveal a time in my life when I wasn’t too bright, and the consequences that came with that. The good news is, that guilt and shame can either consume you, or you can use them to make yourself better.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

181 – Ethics & Morality

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 20 Mar 2017 07:05:44 -0500

Today I want to talk about morality and ethics. I have a little different take on these things than a lot of other people do. You hear these words thrown about quite a bit these days. The common definition of these words is fairly straight forward.

Morality is defined as; principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior. And Ethics are defined as: moral principles that govern a person’s behavior, or the conducting of an activity.

So, according to the definitions, morality is a set of principles that distinguish between right and wrong, or good and bad behavior, and ethics is the act of using those principles to govern ones actions.

That’s pretty easy to understand, I think we could all agree that this is what is meant by morality and ethics. For me however, the problem is not with the definitions of these words. Rather, my problem is when people impose their version of morality and ethics on other people.

I believe that every man should govern his life according to his own principles of morality. I believe in that sense, every man should strive to live a moral life, every man should govern his life according to his ethics. It really irritates me though, when people make judgements on another persons sense of morality.

There are times of course, when we are subject to the ethics and morality of another individual or entity. For example, when you are at work. You have agreed that to be an employee you will abide by the ethical guidelines of your employer. I don’t have a problem with that.

Also, as a citizen of a country you have an obligation to adhere to the laws of that country. I find that acceptable as well, civilization would be hard to achieve if we didn’t have that understanding.

The problem I see, is that with all these ethics and rules of morality being placed on us by governments, communities, employers, and religious organizations. We forget sometimes that we must have our own principles. We must self govern first and foremost. Otherwise, we wind up blindly going along with a morality that was spoon fed to us, and we lose connection with the reason for them.

I use the analogy of melatonin. Melatonin occurs naturally in our brains, its what helps us go to sleep. If a person takes melatonin pills all the time to go to sleep its dangerous, because your brain might stop making it…because it doesn’t have to, because you are taking too many melatonin pills.

Its the same with morality and ethics. We are deluged with other peoples version of these things…so much so, that we forget to establish our own. I think there would be less crime in the world if this was not the case. Its much easier to break someone else’s rule than it is to break your own.

I think its imperative that every man take a good long look in the mirror and decide for himself what is and is not acceptable behavior…and then, abide by those rules you set for yourself. That is my definition of morality.

It may seem like an exercise in redundancy, because many of your own morals will be exactly the same as those currently being imposed upon you. The difference is, that now they are yours, and you comply with them not because you are told to, but rather because it is what you as a man, have deemed to be the right thing to do. See the difference?

To use the extreme examples; we all know its wrong to murder and steal and lie and cheat on our taxes. But do you know why its wrong? Have you considered these things yourself and made a determination as to why exactly they are wrong to you? Many people have not, because they haven’t needed to. We have been inundated with this external morality since we were born, just like the guy that takes too much melatonin. We have not seen the need to make these determinations for ourselves, because it has all been done for us.

What I am suggesting to you is that we all need to internalize our morality and ethics. We should all live by a creed that is determined by us individually. Because then it is true morality. Then you are acting out of a true sense of right and wrong, instead of merely acting, in an effort to conform with what someone else is telling you.

I know many of you have already done this to some degree. You may have decided that it is better to be honest and keep your word for example. You may have decided that fidelity in your relationships is critically important. These things that you have decided for yourself, are yours. You do them because you are emotionally and intellectually aligned with the reason for them.

What I am suggesting, is to do that with everything in your life. What if every time we did or said anything, our actions were being governed by our own morality and ethics? Reasoned and decided upon by us? I think you would be less likely to do things you regret. I think life in general might become more profound, because you would be living by your own set of rules, for reasons you decided.

So there is some food for thought. Mull it over and see what you think about that. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic and you can always write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me whats on your mind. If there are issues you have been pondering, ask me about those too, it might wind up being an episode and I will give you all the credit.

Now head out into the world and know why you do the things you do. Understand why you don’t do other things. Exercise your will as a man in the world by doing everything for a reason. It is just another way to be accountable to yourself, and be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

180 – Ambassadors Of Manhood

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 07:05:51 -0500

First…The young Ram in the picture is of no real relevance to the episode. My usual picture generator was down, and I had this picture of the Ram, whose name is Gorge because he eats a lot, and I decided to use it.

I will start off today by congratulating and acknowledging the winner of the Epic Kilt contest. In case you missed it, the sponsor of our Friday episodes; Stump Town Kilts, was kind enough to put one of their awesome kilts up as a prize for a contest.

We had the contest, and the winner was…Terri Roe. That’s Teri with an I, yep…she’s a woman. There were no gender restrictions on the contest and she wasn’t the only woman who entered. And now, Terri is going to be the proud owner of her very own Stump Town Kilt. There is a video I made of the drawing on the Facebook page, so head over there and take a look at it. There is a link to the Facebook page in the show notes as well.

If you are not that familiar with kilts you may not even know that women wear them…but they do. They are subtly different than a man’s kilt though. If you go to their website at stumptownkilts.com, you can see the difference for yourself.

While you are there, you may as well do some browsing on your own behalf. I’m telling you, these are the best kilts you can get in my opinion. They are designed with the person wearing them in mind. One of my favorite features is the huge hidden pocket right in the front, it holds a ton of stuff and it is not even recognizable as a pocket.

I like these kilts so much that I own three of them. If you ever thought of getting a kilt, stop putting it off, now is the time. And, as a listener of this program you get a discount. Just go to stumptownkilts.com, pick out your new kilt, and then when you are checking out enter the code; betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your purchase.

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I saw an interesting post today on the Facebook page of a friend of mine named Wally Carmichael, and fellow man-centric podcaster, in fact I was a guest on his show once. The podcast is called Men of Abundance, you should check it out.

Anyway, he presented a scenario, I gathered that it was something he witnessed, about a dad taking his sons into a dive shop. He bought them all new diving masks, and then he said to his sons; “Now don’t tell mom…this is our little secret.”

He was obviously trying to bond with his sons a bit by including them on this secret purchase. But he was also obviously trying to keep the fact of this purchase from his wife. So the question presented with this scenario is, was that wrong of the father to do?

It was a good scenario to bring up, because this sort of thing happens all the time. Especially with single dads who only get their kids twice a month or something. A lot of dads do this kind of thing from time to time, it seems innocent in the moment. It is an ancient technique of building alliances…if you share a secret with someone, you automatically share an alliance with them as well.

You can probably guess what my opinion of this whole thing is. I didn’t comment on the thread because I was busy, but if I would have, I would have said the fathers actions were absolutely incorrect.

I have probably been guilty of something like this myself when my kids were young, I’m not judging your character if you have done something like this, but its is a good thing to think about, so that maybe it won’t happen again.

The main thing wrong with this scenario is that the father is setting a horrible example. He is setting an example of a husband that keeps secrets from his wife, which is an example of misalignment in their marriage. They obviously aren’t functioning like a team. Even if he isn’t telling his sons to lie exactly, only to not say anything, he is still condoning a form of dishonesty.

I don’t want to make too big of a deal about it. There are lots worse examples a father can be, he is not the worst father of the year or anything. The reason I’m talking about it is because it is a really good illustration of how we can be a bad example sometimes without even realizing it.

I’ve said many times in other episodes that one of the greatest callings of a man, is the kind of example he is. Somebody is always watching us everywhere we go. If not our kids, maybe someone else’s kids, or your neighbors or your co-workers, or the guy in line at Starbucks. Someone is always watching us, and in that moment, we are the example of manhood.

Each one of us are the ambassadors of manhood everywhere we go. The things we do and say influence other people. We are representing not only ourselves and our families, but other men too.

You know what I mean, because all of us have had to deal with negative stereotypes about men at one time or another in our lives…why? Because there are a lot of guys out there being a bad example, being poor ambassadors.

Thats why its important. Every time you set a good example as a man, it will help whoever is watching you in that moment, know that there are good men in the world. If that person happens to be a man, you may even inspire them to be better. That is how we make the world a better place one man at a time…it starts with being a good example of manhood.

Ok guys, today is St. Patricks Day too so be extra careful. Head out into the weekend now, but stay focused on the things that matter. Be mindful and aware of the things you say and do because someone is always watching. Be a good ambassador of manhood, and at the same time you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

179 – The Noises Upstairs

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 15 Mar 2017 07:05:12 -0500

You see,

THE NOISES UPSTAIRS…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Noises Upstairs.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Noises Upstairs, was pretty brutal on me, as you’ll see. All of our experiences become part of who we are and there is something to be learned from everything. The lesson I learned from this experience, is that perception IS reality.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

178 – No Such Thing As An Accurate Label

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 07:05:45 -0500

So what I am talking about today is labels…I hate labels. Labels do nothing but put people in groups. Groups always define people inaccurately, and that leads to division; it drives a wedge between human beings who might otherwise get along fine.

The label example I am using today is the label of “Millennial”. The term Millennial is given to the generation who is roughly between 18 and 34 years of age. It is a label that comes complete with it’s own set of negative stereotypes and prejudices.

Because there is a name for this group, and for no other reason, people assume that all people who are in this age bracket are essentially worthless, lazy people living off their parents, spending all their free time playing video games and feeling like the world owes them something. This assumption is profoundly inaccurate.

I know many, many people who are technically millennials, and I can tell you they do not fit these stereotypes at all. They are hard working, dedicated, forward thinking, engaged individuals, and many of them are now parents themselves.

That is why I hate labels; whenever you paint any group of people with a single brush…you are going to be incorrect.

When I was young people thought everyone in my generation was doing drugs and listening to rock music. The young people in the 60’s were assumed to all be hippies into indiscriminate sex and psychedelic drugs, and having no jobs.

Of course some so called millennials fit the stereotype, as did some people in my generation, and in the 60’s, but there were many individuals who did not. That is why I am against labels in general…because of their inherent inaccuracy.

One of my friends is named Will, he is the most dynamic young man I have ever met…he is going to be a civil engineer, he is more together than most older people I know and yet…he is a millennial. So every time I hear that label used in a derogatory fashion I take offense to it, because it makes me think of my friend Will. I know he is being judged along with everyone else in the group simply because he happened to be born at a certain time in history, and its wrong.

There are many, many other labels in wide use today; republicans, democrats, conservatives, liberals, black, white, young, old, terrorist, muslim, christian, atheist, on and on it goes. I submit to you that each one of these labels, in the way they are used…are inaccurate. Because labels do not take into account the individuals within this artificially named group.

If someone says “all conservatives this,” Or “all liberals that,” they will be incorrect. That’s a big deal to me personally…because words mean things. If the word ‘some’ replaced the word ‘all’, it would be much closer to an accurate statement.

You listening right now fall into a label of some kind, maybe two or three or more. Even the word “Man” is a label, if it is used to describe the behavior of everyone who is male.

Do you like the idea of being assumed to have a particular quality or behavior by people who don’t know you…just because you fall under that broad label? I don’t, I don’t like it at all.

It is a very human thing to do. Labeling groups of people comes very natural to us. I understand that…but that doesn’t make it right. Imagine a world where there were no labels, where everyone was judged according to their merit as a human, including you.

I realize that is a lofty goal, and I don’t expect all of humanity to suddenly start doing this…but, you could do it. You could become aware of labels, and dismiss their generality. Maybe start taking people at face value, on their own merit.

You might be wondering what the benefit of doing that would be, well here is what I think. I think it will open up a lot of new doors for you. You might have great conversations with people who you otherwise, would not have. Or you might learn new things. You may encounter other humans that you could inspire, and who might inspire you. That is just a few examples, but every one of these examples have the potential of helping you become a better man.

I am going to practice what I preach. There is a label that I have had a prejudice toward for some time, and that label is “Homeless”, homeless men in particular. Because of this label, in my mind I have painted the entire group as people who exists solely on the efforts of others, because they have no sense of dignity or self, they are lazy, drug addled pointless individuals. Guess what? I am being inaccurate.

I don’t know these people, I don’t know their individual stories or what led them to this place in life. I’m sure some of them fit my stereotype…but what about the ones who don’t? It’s not right of me to judge them along with the others, without knowing. So, starting today I’m going to change that, because I believe it will make me a better man than I was yesterday.

One way I’m going to do that, is by dropping the word “homeless” from my vocabulary, because it’s a label that has a negative meaning attached, and while it may be technically descriptive.when it is used to define an entire group of people, it is inaccurate…Instead I’m going to regard them as nothing but men, until I get to know them well enough to make a character assessment based on their merit.

So that is what was on my mind today. Look around in your world and start identifying labels that are inaccurate, and make a decision to stop using them. We can’t be responsible for the rest of the world…but we are definitely, 100% responsible for ourselves. That’s one reason we are better men today, than we were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

177 – Men Have A Critical Role…in making a change

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 19:55:54 -0500

MEN HAVE A CRITICAL ROLE…in making a change

OK guys, today is Friday, and back on Monday of this week, just 5 days ago I announced the contest that we are having…the contest to win your very own Stump Town Kilt.

Stump Town Kilts are the sponsor of our Friday episodes, so I am going to talk about the contest again, today, before we head into the content.

The contest, as I said, will place in the hands of the lucky winner, their very own supremely Crafted, beautiful, durable, washable StumpTown Kilt. That is an amazing prize my friends. Some limitations do apply, you can basically get any of the kilts you find online at stumptownkilts.com, you just can’t get the higher end special kilts that they also have available.

I own three of these kilts and I plan on getting more of them, in different colors. Unfortunately…I am unable to join my own contest, but for you it is very possible.

There will be two ways to enter the contest:

1.) First, anyone who decides to be part of the launch team for the upcoming book will get their name in the drawing, you have to let me know that you also want to be in the contest though.

Now, I only want you on the launch team if you really want to be there, you can find out more about it at www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/TEAM.

If you are already on the launch team, and would like to be entered in the kilt contest, just write me an email and let me know.

2.) The second way to enter is super simple. Just go to iTunes, find this podcast, and subscribe to it, rate it, and write a review for it. Then take a screen shot of the review, and send it to me in an email to alf@beingbetter.men. When I receive your email you will be entered into the contest.

Also, don’t forget…there is only going to be one winner…but do not despair, because StumpTown Kilts are offering a 10% discount to Being A Better Man listeners…to get that discount all you do is go to stumptownkilts.com, do your shopping, and then enter the code: betterman at checkout, all one word, all lower case and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase.

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Before I begin, I want to preface today’s episode by saying that the views and opinions expressed by the host, which is me, are exactly that; My opinions, based on my personal experience as a white male living in America. Some people listening may be activated by certain phrases or ideas, I just ask that you listen to the end to understand the entire message accurately.

Last Wednesday was international woman day. I made a post on my Facebook page in support of the day. I support he aims of this day, to create awareness that women around the world are still being subjugated, kept down, and objectified by the other half of the species…in varying degrees, depending on the country and culture they live in.

I will post a copy of what I wrote at the very bottom of this page if you want to read it. One of the things I talked about was celebrating the differences between men and women. To me it goes without saying, in my life it has become very obvious on countless occasions that men and women think a little differently. I Often make the mistake of assuming everyone else realizes that too.

There was one comment to my post that illustrated the fact that there are many people who are putting forth the idea that everyone thinks the same, regardless of gender. This commenter was referencing the binary society we live in, the fact that society is what influences gender roles, and that it is an individual choice to “discard notions that are no longer progressive or useful”.

I read her post. I mulled it over for a while. At the end of my mulling I came to the conclusion that this sort of thinking may be counter productive for those that are seeking equal status.

The reason I think this is because of the fact that people are not equal. Of course I think everyone is of equal value as a human being, and they should have equal rights and status…what I’m talking about is the fact that everyone is different. Nobody thinks exactly like another person. and trying to base equality on the false notion that everyone is the same…isn’t going to work, because it isn’t true.

Science has shown us that there is in fact a big difference between a brain that is swimming in testosterone, and one that isn’t. It is an obvious difference, even for a child. You can see this difference not only in the human species, but in all the animal species as well…it’s kind of a documented fact.

It’s true, if you took hormones out of the equation, then everyone would be pretty much the same, but that isn’t reality is it? That isn’t how humans work. Our lives are governed by the hormones coursing through our brains.

Even among women; a pregnant woman has different hormones that a non-pregnant woman. A woman who is menstruating has different hormones than one who is not. The advent of menopause is another big hormonal shift that affects behavior.

A boy’s brain changes dramatically when he enters puberty and becomes a man, and fluctuates the rest of his life, altering his moods and his thoughts.

This is why I think the answer to help women and other people who feel disenfranchised is not to pretend that we are all the same, but rather…to acknowledge, embrace, and celebrate the differences between us.

We as men have a critical role in this paradigm shift. Historically men have been guilty of using their physical dominance to enforce the idea that women are somehow of less value than us. It’s pretty crappy if you think about it. Because each one of us owe our lives to a woman for one thing. Also though, simply because they are the other half, sometimes I think the better half, of our humanity. They are us and we are them…we are all humans. Humans who are gloriously different in many, many ways…and that is part of what makes humanity so awesome…our differences.

We have all heard jokes about women. Jokes that highlight some of our differences in a way that paints women as inferior. The same is true of many racial jokes, or jokes about gay people or disabled people. These kinds of jokes are one of the things that perpetuate the underlying idea that some people are of less value than others.

These jokes are not always told with intentional malice. You may be just trying to make someone laugh, but the underlying message of the joke is harmful, and destructive.

I think everyone, every person, should have the same opportunity as any other person. That people should be judged solely on their merit as a human, and not their gender, orientation, religion, or race.

I may be an optimist, but I believe it is possible to attain that level of equality. However I only think it will be possible if people start acknowledging and accepting the differences between people. Rather than saying everyone is the same.

If someone is different than you in some way…there isn’t anything wrong with that, particularly if you are secure in how you are. I’ve spent most of my life being different from everyone I know, I like it that way, I don’t want to be like anyone else, nor do I expect than anyone should be like me.

So what can we men do? How can we be part of the solution rather than part of the problem? I think on a very basic, individual level, one thing we can all do is pay attention to the things we say. For example, don’t tell jokes that put down a group of people, and don’t laugh when you hear that joke.

If we see someone being oppressed just because they are part of a certain group of people…speak up for them, lend your voice on their behalf even if it will be unpopular with the over-culture.

If you are in a position of authority and decision, don’t make value judgments based on anything other than human merit. Acknowledge and celebrate the diversity of people around you.

If you feel threatened by someone because they are different than you…you may want to take a good close look at yourself, because that is a symptom of insecurity. A man who believes in and is secure in himself will not feel threatened by the differences of others.

So those are a few things you could do, and I challenge you to do them. I think its the right thing to do. I believe that men who learn how to embrace and celebrate the differences of others are on their way to being a better man today, than they were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

This is the Facebook post I referenced above:

Regarding International Woman’s Day:

First, I believe that men and women are different, in general, I think its foolish to deny that. Generally speaking, Our logic is a bit different, we process situations differently, we react differently to different stimuli, and of course our physical bodies have differences. OK.

That being said, I think it’s time we celebrate these differences as a species, rather than deride them, or use them as an excuse to demean, diminish, or objectify women.

We are all part of the same species, we are all humans. These differences between men and women were critical to our species ability to thrive on the planet, to reproduce, to adapt and change and grow and become better. I believe it is the female power and influence that made civilization possible. In effect, without the influence of women, I think we would be less human.

They are our daughters, wives, sisters and mothers. How can we, as men, tolerate the ill treatment of our loved ones? Its crazy! Shouldn’t they get paid just as much as our sons, if they are doing the same job, just as well?

Don’t we as men, have hope that our granddaughters will be respected for their merit as a person? That they will have equal opportunity to carve their own way in the world? Instead of defining their success by the husband they have?

Women make good men, better. Because they challenge us, they inspire us to raise our own character to match theirs.

I submit that whenever a man, anywhere, does anything to put women down or to elevate himself at a females expense, he is motivated purely out of fear, and absolute insecurity in his own inability to be as good as them. It’s weak, and pathetic.

I charge men everywhere to acknowledge the great women in your life. Regard them as equals…if not more. Instead of making jokes about the differences between us…celebrate the fact that these differences exist. Because theses differences make our species great. Finally, look within yourself, and make it a priority, an objective in life, to find yourself being a man worthy of their amazing presence. Do that, and you will be a better man.

176 – The Unworthy Risk

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 08 Mar 2017 08:05:44 -0500

THE UNWORTHY RISK…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Unworthy Risk.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Unworthy Risk, Taught me the formula to know wether or not a risk is acceptable…or stupid. Turns out…there is a thin line between the two, but we don’t have to cross it if we are paying attention.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

175 – The Quest For Balance

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 08:05:34 -0500

THE QUEST FOR BALANCE…

CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT:

Before I get into today’s content I have a little announcement. As you may know, the Friday episodes are sponsored by StumpTown Kilts, and they have graciously agreed to donate one kilt, to be the prize of a contest. That my friends…is an amazing prize.

I have been thinking for a while about how to structure the contest, since I have never done one before. Finally, I think I have it.

There will be two ways to enter the contest:

1.) First, anyone who decides to be part of the launch team for the upcoming book will get their name in the drawing, you have to let me know that you also want to be in the contest though.

Now, I only want you on the launch team if you really want to be there, you can find out more about it at www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/TEAM.

If you are already on the launch team, and would like to be entered in the kilt contest, just write me an email and let me know.

2.) The second way to enter is super simple. Just go to iTunes, find this podcast, and subscribe to it, rate it, and write a review for it. Then take a screen shot of the review, and send it to me in an email to alf@beingbetter.men. When I receive your email you will be entered into the contest.

Since I am closing participation in the launch team on the 15th of March, that will be the last day for the contest as well. On the 15th I will put all the names into my Viking helmet, and draw out the winner. I’ll try to video that, so I can post it on the Facebook page. Thanks to StumpTown Kilts for providing us with a kilt for the lucky winner.

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Ok so here we are again, the beginning of another week of life. Today I want to expound a bit on what I left off with last Friday…and that is, for us men to make sure we take time to focus, think about, and celebrate the things we are doing well.

It occurred to me that I spend a lot of time on this show talking about what we should not be doing. I’m always talking about improvement, improving things that are wrong, and becoming better. It’s kind of what the show is about after all…however, it is important also to pat ourselves on the back once in a while and feel good about where we are in the moment.

Improvement is great, I’m a huge advocate of improvement as you know. But the very fact that improvement is necessary also illuminates the fact that there is something wrong, or something that we aren’t doing well enough. If we aren’t careful, we can start feeling weighed down by all the things we need to be better at…and that doesn’t sound like much fun, and more importantly, its not productive to think that way.

The answer, of course, is balance. I find that balance is the answer to many questions that plague mankind. Balance is the holy grail, that thing everyone is trying to find, many times without even knowing that is what they are looking for.

The pursuit of balance is a huge thing for guys. We try to balance our work life with our home life, our responsibilities with our recreational pursuits. We try to find balance in our income vs our spending. And, more internally, we seek balance between what we need improvement in vs what we are already great at.

Too much of anything will eventually become a negative, because it’s impossible to focus solely on one aspect of life without neglecting all the other aspects that are also critical to your humanity.

So, essentially, it’s a juggling act. It’s not easy at all, and no one ever said it should be, its just the way life is. I’m still juggling all these things, trying to find balance myself, and I probably will be until the day I die. Thats just how it is.

There are guys that stop juggling. They quit trying because its too hard, and those are the guys that become consumed by their careers, or any other single minded pursuit. Guys who never spend any time with their kids, and don’t have any real connections with other people, guys who wake up one day when they are about to die…and wonder what happened to their life. These are guys who have lived a joyless life, choosing instead to worry about that one thing, whatever it is.

If you are juggling everything in your life, in a crazy, never ending quest to find balance, congratulations…it means you are alive. It means you are a vital member of the human race.

In the course of our life we might attain balance occasionally, but just for a moment. Before you know it some other area of your life will get out of whack and you will have to tend to it. That is just the nature of things, and we shouldn’t fight it, or complain about it, we should actually celebrate it. Because it is in this pursuit of mythical balance that we have our experiences, it where our actual life is, its where joy and victory is found. It is in these most challenging of times that we learn how to appreciate the better times.

Here’s the thing though; knowing how this all works gives you a little edge. We don’t have to just wait around for life to happen to us, instead we can happen to life. We can’t control everything, and balance will remain elusive, but the choices we make every day will chart the general direction we go.

Imagine a stock-market graph, it’s a jagged line that moves sharply up and down, it seems erratic…but over time, it continues trending upward instead of downward, because of the choices we make every day while we are out there trying to balance all the pieces of our life.

So back to the first thing I started talking about. Improvement is another one of those things that can consume you, and put you out of balance if all you are focused on is what you need to improve. It’s important that you also take time, make time, to savor your accomplishments and congratulate yourself on the things you are doing well.

Remember the things we focus on will expand, so it matters where exactly we place our focus. If you are focused only on the things that you perceive as a deficit, things that need to be improved…then they will expand.

So be very careful, instead focus on the act of being better, the accomplishment, the victory of improvement, rather than the need for it. You see what I’m saying?

The story of Moby Dick is a classic example of a guy who was out of balance. His name was Ahab, and he stopped juggling, he devoted everything to just one thing; that great white whale…and it destroyed him. Don’t be like Ahab guys, there is too much life to live and too many experiences to have.

Now head out into the world and be mindful of where your focus is. Remember to be happy about the things you are doing that are great, and celebrate the accomplishment each time you do something better. You will be more balanced that way, and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

174 – Transformation Of A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 03 Mar 2017 08:05:05 -0500

TRANSFORMATION OF A MAN…

It is Friday once again, and therefore I will acknowledge the sponsor of our Friday episodes; StumpTown Kilts.

You know I was always curious about kilts my whole life. I would occasionally see someone wearing one and I was never sure what to think about it, but it made me curious. Also, I noticed that they seemed comfortable, and practical. I also noticed that everyone, everywhere in the vicinity of a kilted man was turning their head…noticing him as well. Almost without exception, whoever was wearing the kilt seemed very confident and self assured…you have to be, with that many people noticing you everywhere you go.

Finally about 10 years ago I got my first kilt, and then I understood. Since then, my kilt of choice is, and will remain, Stumptown Kilts. They are superbly crafted from the finest, most durable material. Each kilt is exquisitely designed with innovative features that have you in mind.

I own three of them, in different colors, and I plan on getting more. As a listener of Being A Better Man you can also own your very own Stump Town Kilt, at a discounted price. Just go to stumptownkilts.com pick out your kilt, and then when you are checking out enter the code: betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Don’t wait, do it today because you know you want to, go to stumptownkilts.com, and don’t forget the code: betterman.

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Ok guys, there are lots of things happening in my life, I have been very busy. I’m putting a book together, a compilation of all the Wednesday stories from this podcast, and of course their attached lessons.

I’m pretty excited about this project, I think about a kid finding this book on a dusty shelf 100 years from now…and learning something from it that could help his life. That in itself is a powerful legacy, not to mention all the people that could get value out of it in the meantime. You can be a part of this process too.

To get this off the ground I am assembling a launch team. To find out more about what that is and how you can be involved, there is a landing page that explains it all. You can find it at: http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/TEAM . You can also find it right here on the website, under the CONTACT ALF menu tab, or, there is a link on the Facebook page as well. I encourage you to check it out.

OK, so I got a letter a couple days ago from a guy named Mike, in Georgia. It was a letter thanking me for the podcast, and he went on to explain the ways in which it has helped him in his mission of being a better man every day. He said he has listened to every single episode…which is pretty impressive.

Like a lot of us, Mike has gone through some challenging times in the past few years. He had a divorce that left him a half-time single father, on top of that he had a host of medical things going on and a major surgery.

It’s easy to start feeling down when it seems like the whole world is out to get you, and understandably, Mike was starting to feel pretty low.

In the middle of his despair, he remembered an analogy I used in one of my very first episodes. He is using that analogy to turn his life around a little bit.

As I read his letter I was reminded of that analogy myself. It’s one of my favorites, and it is upon this analogy that this podcast was constructed…it is foundational in the philosophy here. So, I thought it was time that I repeat this analogy today for the benefit of those people that have never heard it, and to remind those of you who have.

It is the analogy of the bucket. Imagine, a five gallon bucket full of water. That bucket is you. Now imagine that every day you go to the bucket and drop in one small pebble.

Every day, day after day you drop one pebble into the bucket. After a few weeks you look in the bucket, and not much has changed…it’s still a bucket of water, with a few rocks in the bottom of it, but you keep dropping one in every day.

You look in it again a couple months later, now it’s starting to change. It’s still a bucket of water with rocks in the bottom of it, but you can no longer see the bottom of the bucket.

You continue religiously dropping a pebble in the bucket every single day. Months pass, maybe even years, but somewhere during that time something miraculous happens.

Over time, the bucket of water has been transformed into something entirely different. It is no longer a bucket of water…it has become a bucket of stones.

In fact, if you get a hose and try to put more water in it, it won’t go in, it just runs out onto the ground because of all the stones you have put in there over time.

That is exactly how being a better man today than you were yesterday works. The stones in this analogy represent the choices you make and the things you do everyday to be a better man than you were the day before.

If you keep doing that every day, you are eventually transformed from the man you are when you started, into a better man. In the process you create new habits and new ways of thinking about yourself, other people, and the world. You have become a bucket of stone.

Mike took it a step further…he got a bucket for him and one for his son, and each day they make a point of doing something that makes them better than they were yesterday, and they drop an actual stone in their bucket.

If he starts to feel bad about himself he can look in the bucket, see the stones, and remember that he isn’t so bad after all…in fact, he is better, and the proof is lying there in the bucket.

I can’t even imagine what a dynamic man his son will turn into, getting started being a better man at nine…I was much much older when I started paying attention. But it doesn’t matter how old any of us are when we get started…the important thing is that we start, on this path of perpetual improvement.

I think that’s it for today guys. Remember to check out that launch team page and what that is about. There is also a link to it below, as well as a link to several other things…including Patreon. If you click on the Patreon link you will be taken to a page where there is a video I made that tells you all about how you can become a patron of this show.

Now head out into the world and remember to make the time to focus on the things you are doing well, the things you did that make you a better man…they are the stones in the bucket, and they are proof, that you are a better man today than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

173 – The Rage Inside Us

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 08:05:49 -0500

THE RAGE INSIDE US…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Rage Inside Us.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen, I really want you to consider your own stories. When did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Rage Inside Us, is kind of three stories in one, but they all coalesce to a profound lesson that I refer to often in my own life.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

172 – Changing Unwanted Habits…

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 27 Feb 2017 08:05:36 -0500

Announcements:

I will remind you, that you are all invited to write in with topic suggestions. You know, things that are going on in your life right now, or questions you might have, or ideas that you think other guys would benefit from hearing about.

To send me your ideas you can contact me through the website, or you can write an email to: alf@beingbetter.men

For those of you who have indicated your desire to be on the launch team for the new book, very soon I will be starting the private Facebook group, so be on the lookout for an invitation to join that group when I get it started.

Real quick for anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about…I’m putting together a book that is a compilation of all the Wednesday stories I’ve told on the podcast.

I’m trying to make the kind of book that people will enjoy reading for generations. The kind of book that people can read to their children, so that everyone can benefit from the lessons learned in these stories, while being entertained at the same time.

It’s coming together really well, I’m getting pretty excited about it. Since I’m self publishing the book I am assembling a launch team to help me get it off the ground. So if you are interested in being a part of that just write me at the email address I mentioned earlier and I’ll put you on the list as well.

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CHANGING HABITS…

I want you to think back to a time, anytime in your life when someone said something nice to you. It could be anything, like someone telling you “good job”, or someone telling you that you look nice. Think about a time when you received a positive acknowledgment that let you know someone else appreciated you.

Remember how it felt? It feels pretty good when someone else notices our efforts and lets us know. A simple kind word from someone can turn our whole day around, make us feel a bit lighter, and happy. Especially if we are not expecting or looking for it.

With that in mind, something I have struggled with my whole life is remembering to do that for other people. Some of you may have no problem with this at all, but I know there are a lot of men like me, who do, and that’s what I want to talk about today. I think this is mostly a man problem…I don’t know many women who deal with this issue.

It’s not that I consciously withhold praise and recognition from anyone…not at all. My problem, and maybe yours too, is that even when I notice something that is worthy of praise and recognition I talk about it in my own head…but for some reason it often doesn’t make it’s way out of my mouth where it can do some good.

I think maybe that because I talk about it in my head, it seems like I have said something, and then my brain moves on to something else without have said an actual word.

It’s really unfortunate. There have been many times in my life when people had no idea I appreciated them. Or they thought I was angry or upset with them, when I was actually perfectly happy with them.

I’m not proud of this trait, I consider it a flaw in my wiring. It’s as though sometimes I just expect that everyone around me has access to everything I’m thinking, when of course, they don’t.

There are many degrees to this problem, I’m probably not the worst at this, but I am definitely not the best either.

I’m not going to speculate as to what the biological, physiological, mental, or emotional reason for this behavior is. Any so-called reason would sound like an excuse anyway. The bottom line is that it’s a problem, one that needs to be corrected.

Remember in several of the first episodes when I encourage you to actually go look in a mirror and take a long, hard, objective look at your self? Looking for things that could be better, things that need improvement?

Well, this is something showing up in the mirror for me when I do that. I’m coming clean about it right here on the show, because it’s something I intend to improve.

The reason it’s a problem, the reason it matters, is because for me and everyone else who functions like this…here we are, walking around with the power to make the people in our life feel better. We have the ability at our fingertips to improve someone else’ day, brighten their mood, and lift their spirits with nothing but the utterance of a kind word…and we don’t. All because we thought about it in our head and figure somehow that should be enough. It isn’t.

Like I always say; if you don’t realize a problem exists then you can’t fix it, so I’m glad I am dealing with this now. I want the people in my life that I care about to know that I appreciate them. I want them to feel acknowledged and I want them to be happy.

The act itself is simple, and painless. It requires almost no effort, all I have to do is remember to say what I’m already thinking. The hard part, is breaking a habit, the hard part is remembering to actually speak.

Something else I always say is that the things we focus on, expand. When we focus on something it becomes a priority, and priorities demand our attention and action. I think this is the first step in changing any behavior you want to change; focusing on it.

That’s the first part of my plan, to focus on it and make it a priority to acknowledge people whenever I think about it. The second part of my plan is to find a way to measure my improvement.

I always carry my change in my right pocket. Starting today, whenever I remember to speak the kind words that are on my mind, I will move one coin to the left pocket. At the end of the day I can measure my progress by how many coins are in my left pocket. The goal, like I say every day, will be to be better today than I was yesterday.

It’s a pretty simple plan, but I have found that most effective plans are simple.

I did not share this today because I like talking about myself. I don’t particularly enjoy exposing my flaws to the world. The reason I shared this, was to illustrate how it is done.

You can apply this formula to any area of your life that you want to improve in. Start by being objective with yourself and recognizing the issue exists. Then focus on it and make it a priority. Next, come up with a way to measure your improvement against the day before so you can remain accountable to yourself.

Eventually, this new behavior will become a habit, and you will have become a better man.

Now head out into the world and remember to focus on the areas you need to improve in, make it a priority in your life. Then find a way to measure that improvement, and eventually you will become a better man today than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

171 – What Moves You Forward?

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 24 Feb 2017 08:05:14 -0500

WHAT MOVES YOU FORWARD?

My name is Alf Herigstad, I am your host and fellow man in the trenches. I will be guiding you into this labyrinth of manly musings.

But first, I want to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s program; Stump Town Kilts! They have been sponsoring the Friday episodes since December of this year.

If you have not yet checked them out over at stumptownkilts.com …you really should. If you have ever envisioned yourself wearing a kilt, these people at Stump Town Kilts are making the finest, most durable, kilts on the market today in my opinion. That’s why I own three of them.

I visited their operation down in Portland Oregon, and they were all wearing kilts. So, you have people who wear kilts, making and designing the kilts. They know what works, they know how they feel, they understand the form and function required to make a superior garment that can be worn anywhere, and that breeds innovation and excellence.

So stop thinking about it, just head over to stumptownkilts.com and pick out your next kilt. Don’t forget to enter the code: betterman, all one word all lower case, at checkout to receive 10% off your entire purchase.

OK men. Here we are, at the conclusion of another week in our life. They just keep stacking up don’t they? the days, weeks months and years…they just keep rolling along. Time keeps moving forward, it cannot be stopped.

I think it’s important, as men to not let the wave of time wash over us and leave us behind. If you aren’t paying attention, if you get lazy or complacent, time can roll right over your head and leave you sitting there…a stagnant, echo, of a man that could have been.

I know thats a little abstract, so I’ll explain it in more concrete terms. I’ll define what kind of guy I’m talking about.

We have all known guys like this, perhaps we have even been this guy ourselves…or are right now. It’s a guy that has got caught in a rut. At some point he found a job that will do, a relationship that works ok, and friends that he knows what to expect from. Where he lives is adequate, and his routine is predictable. Then he just stops.

He stops initiating change, he stops wondering and dreaming. This guy stops attempting to alter and improve the world around him because he has accepted his mediocrity and has become comfortable in his complacency.

For a guy like this, it’s like he is caught in a time loop. Years can pass with no real measurable change in his circumstance. Time has moved forward without him.

This can happen at any age from high school to old age. Younger guys might retreat into the fantasy of video games. Older guys might retreat into the soul-sucking trap of their careers…living to work instead of working to live, or they might just give their life over to the TV every night, or a bottle of booze, or whatever.

The problem with this in my opinion, is that human males were not designed to languish. We were not designed or programmed to become complacent. It is therefore contrary to the nature of our soul, and over time it will rob you of your joy.

I have seen guys who, after several years wake up out of their stupor of mediocrity. They look around in their life like they are surprised, they are wondering what happened. How did I get so fat? Why is my life so miserable? Where did all the time go?

Some guys wake up too late. They accept their fate and slip back into an unconscious form of existing. For other guys it’s a huge walkup call and they begin living as vital men once again.

My suggestion, is that you avoid slipping into this malaise altogether. So how can you assure that this is accomplished?

I believe that each one of us need something, or several things, that will move us forward every day. If time is always moving forward, then we need to also be moving forward at the same rate.

At any moment, you should be aware of the things in your life that propel you, things that quicken your spirit and your mind and provide you with forward momentum. If you can’t readily identify what these things are…that’s a problem. You better start creating them if they don’t exist.

To give you an example, I’ll share what some of the things in my life are that move me forward. This podcast for one, I have to stay ahead of it and be engaged or it will cease to exist. I have the book I am putting together, which I’m getting really excited about. The seasons are changing and soon I will be working the soil and planting crops. My sheep will start having lambs.

The list goes on and on…I have batches of mead and beer to brew. I have things to repair and other things to build. All of these things keep me in motion. These things keep me moving forward, and they make me alive and vital.

So ask yourself right now, what is moving you forward? What is it in your life that is forcing you to move?

I also think part of the secret, is to never be satisfied. It seems kind of backwards…because satisfaction is something that we all seek. However, the moment we attain satisfaction with anything; our work, our relationships, our income, or ourselves, in that moment that we become satisfied, we stop trying.

These are some of the principles that the Being A Better Man philosophy was built on. We must continually keep striving for improvement in every area of our lives and especially, in ourselves. To be a little better today, than we were yesterday, and then keep doing that every, single day.

I believe that each one of us were endowed with not only the ability…but the NEED, to create, to alter, to dream and wonder, to innovate, to inspire and protect, to live and evolve and improve. If we deny ourselves these essential elements of our base nature then we are destined to fall far short of our potential, as men.

It is totally up to you. As always, the choice is yours, you decide what kind of man you are and what kind of life you have. If you don’t make a decision…no one else will make it for you.

And look…as always, if you don’t know what I mean, or you are having trouble understanding how to implement this in your life, no problem. Just write me a letter at alf@beingbetter.men, and we can work it out together.

Now head out into the big wide world and live into your future. Take an active role in what happens tomorrow instead of becoming a victim to it. Discover what types of things will keep you moving forward and create those things in your life. Realize also that if you become satisfied, it’s time to create new goals and destinations so that you always have something to work toward and live into.

If you do these things it will become a lot easier to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

170 – It Looked Good On Paper

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 08:05:20 -0500

It Looked Good On Paper…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; It Looked Good On Paper.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called It Looked Good On Paper, you know those times when something seems like a really good idea? You go over it in your mind, on paper, everything checks out…and then you are 100% wrong? That’s kind of what this story is about.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

169 – Shaping The World Around You

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 20 Feb 2017 08:05:39 -0500

SHAPING THE WORLD AROUND YOU…like George Washington

Today, in America, it is President’s Day. A holiday that started out as the celebration of George Washington’s birthday, our first president. As time went on other presidents were included, Lincoln, and Jefferson, until eventually it just became “President’s Day” instead of just George Washington’s birthday.

Now its just a day when schools, banks, all government facilities and some other businesses take the day off from work. Sadly, It has become a mundane holiday.

It started in 1862, on February 19th when President Lincoln issued a proclamation calling on all Americans to recognize and celebrate the birth of the father of the Nation. He suggested that people gather, and read Washington’s immortal Farewell Address.

I spent the morning reading about about George Washington’s life. He was a fascinating man. He is referred to as the father of our country…even though he never had any children of his own, having been rendered sterile by one of his many illnesses, either tuberculosis, or small pox, there is still some debate about which.

He was actually the sickest President in US history, in addition to the previously mentioned ailments, he also suffered from dysentery, malaria, tonsillitis, carbuncle, pneumonia, and something called epiglottis…to name a few.

He also had bad teeth problems. At his inauguration he only had one of his own teeth left in his head.

He was a surveyor by profession, and started his career at the age of 17. During his career he completed over 199 surveys, mapping out over 60,000 acres of land.

He is the only US President to ever personally lead troops into battle.

A lot of people don’t realize that before he ever fought the British, that he was himself a British officer. When he was 21 he led a British colonial force against the French in Ohio. He lost that fight, and the event sparked the “7 Years War” in North America.

I learned several things about him I didn’t know. He didn’t wear a wig, in all the pictures, on the nickel, the quarter, and the dollar, that is his own hair, treated with powder to be white.

He loved dogs, and children, he didn’t have a middle name, he never did chop down the Cherry tree or throw a silver dollar across the potomac river. George was also a great dancer. In 1789 his presidential salary was 2% of the entire US budget.

He did own slaves, that he inherited when he was 11 when his father died. But in his will he granted all of his slaves, 123 of them, freedom, and provisions were made for his estate in Mount Vernon to provide and care for them for several generations. He is the only slave owning President to do that.

He was a master communicator. In his lifetime he is said to have written about 20,000 letters. That works out to several every day.

Some of you might find this all interesting, as I did. Others of you might be wondering what this has to do with our mission of Being A Better Man.

Well, the reason I’m sharing this with you today is because it is men like George Washington that inspire me. He epitomizes on a grand scale what a man can do with his life.

All these little factoids I mentioned remind us that he was a human man, like us. He had pain, and illness, and heartache and challenges just like we all do. What sets him apart in my mind are the things he accomplished with his life in spite of all adversity.

He actually lost more battles than he ever won, yet his leadership in all the battles he participated is what ultimately led to America winning her independence from Britain.

George Washington was the ultimate leader. He set precedents of military protocol and statesmanship that would endure for generations.

Mr. Washington was a fair minded man, who was true to his personal convictions. He gave up the presidency after two terms, even though no term limits existed at the time. He did not want America to resemble a dictatorship.

The first president was not affiliated with any political party, and in his Farewell Address he spoke out strongly against partisanship. He thought people should avoid party entanglement altogether and instead focus on being a cohesive, united nation.

He advised against long term affiliations and alliances, or wars with other nations. Suggesting we should be more focused on our own country.

He was a huge advocate for the right of people to freely follow whatever spiritual path they wanted to, without any fear of prejudice.

It was he, through his leadership and indomitable character, that shaped our early nation in many ways. He establish a path, a direction, that got America started off on the right foot. And, he inspires me.

We obviously cannot all be George Washington. I don’t expect to become the father of a nation. However, his life illustrates how a single man can influence and shape his surroundings through focused, dedicated action.

Our lives, on a much smaller scale, are no different. Through our actions and choices, guided by a dedication to our individual principles and a focus on that which matters…we can shape and influence our worlds, each one of us. What one man can do, another can do.

We may not alter the world or the country, but we can influence our families and our communities. It’s our duty to leave the part of the world we inhabit, in better shape than we found it in. We can do this, we have the power to do this, because we are men.

To be clear, in this context when I say “because we are men” I’m speaking to the whole of humanity. All of us, men and women alike, humans…have the power to shape our world.

I think it is our calling and our obligation as humans to shape and improve the world around us. George Washington illustrates this in a huge way. His legacy is unequalled in recorded history.

It is a legacy that humbles me, and inspires me, to do what I can with this life I have. That is why I shared this with you today, in the hopes that it may also inspire some of you to focus on your own life and the world around you.

No matter where you are or what your circumstance, you can decide to have a positive influence on your own life, and the lives of those around you. It just requires your focus, action, and effort. In doing so, you will definitely be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

168 – The Fallacy Of Failure…the other ‘F’ word

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 08:05:32 -0500

OK, what are we going to talk about today? I think what I would like to talk about is the fallacy of failure. The reason I call it a fallacy, is because the idea of failure, as a concept, is something that I don’t really believe in. For me…it’s right there next to the easter Bunny.

I hear people all the time talk about, and refer to their failures. The word “failure” is used very frequently in the english language, and I suspect in other languages as well.

It kind of boggles my mind because, like I said, I don’t believe in failure. So it’s like listening to people talk about unicorns and Easter Bunnies. In fact, the word only visits my vocabulary at times like now…when I am explaining to someone the fallacy of it.

I always get the same reaction, and I’m sure many of you listening are reacting this was as well.

You’re probably thinking;

“C’mon Alf, of course failure exists. Every time you are unable to do something, whenever you don’t win, when you try something and it doesn’t work…all these things are failures.”

Is that what you are thinking? That’s what most people think. I personally do not think these examples of failure are accurate. I’ll explain what I mean, and then you can decide for yourself.

First I will say, that everyone who makes an audible claim to have failed something…is probably right. It is a self fulfilling prophesy. Failure did not exist, it wasn’t real, it was just an idea right up until that person spoke it into existence and claimed it. That is when failure becomes a real thing.

What I’m saying then, is that failure is more about perspective than anything else. I’ll give you an analogy to better explain what I mean.

Lets say there are two guys, named Bill and Mike. They are friends, and they decide one day that they want to climb a mountain…lets say it Mount Rainier here in the state I live in.

They have never climbed a mountain before, and that’s why they want to do it. They do research and try to prepare for it as best as possible.

The day finally comes and they head up to climb the mountain. They are doing pretty good, but about 2000 feet from the summit a bad storm comes in and they can’t see, they get off course. When the weather clears they don’t know where they are. In the process Bill got really sick and Mike tripped and hurt his ankle. All they can do is sit there and hope their food doesn’t run out before somebody finds them.

They get rescued a couple days later, and now they are back at home. The thing is…only one of these men have failed, even though they both had the exact same experience.

The only difference between Bill and Mike, is their perspective.

Mike thought it was a fantastic experience. he made a note of everything that went well, and the things that didn’t. He values everything he learned on the trip, including the hardship. Now he has a great story to tell his son when he is older, and Mike cannot wait until next season so he can tackle the mountain again.

Bill on the other hand is angry. He thinks the whole thing was a waste of time and money because they didn’t accomplish what they set out to do; make it to the summit. He is angry at himself and at Mike for being ill prepared. He gets embarrassed whenever his wife brings it up to friends, because then he has to explain the details of why he failed to make it to the top. He sold all his gear on craigslist and plans to never, ever climb again.

So, because of their perspectives, Bill had a failure, and Mike had an adventure. Bill is unhappy, and Mike is Happy. Mike has a great story to tell of courage, adventure, hardship and beauty. All Bill has to talk about, is his failure.

Hopefully, with the aid of that story you can start to see what I am talking about. It’s all a matter of perspective, and where does perspective come from? Perspective is formulated in our brains. Who controls our brains? We do.

I have had many, many things in my life not go as planned. Times when I did not achieve the result I set out to. Thankfully though, for some reason I never saw any of it as failure. I certainly could have, and many people would have…but, I never did.

I may not have achieved the result I was looking for…but I always achieved a result, sometimes they were just different. These different results often led to better understanding, and they reduce the chance of repeating things that didn’t go well in the future.

Where other people see failure, you should try seeing opportunity. Because every single one of these times is where you will learn the most stuff. We learn very little outside of the realm of mistakes, or what some people would call failure. We learn very little when everything is going great.

I don’t remember when I started thinking this way, maybe I always did. I do believe that thinking this way has made me a happier person in general. It’s tough to be happy when you are beating yourself up over failing, when really all you need to do is change your perspective.

Like I said, you can decide how you want to be, it’s your life, but I strongly encourage you to be more like Mike, and less like Bill.

I would also encourage you to wipe the word failure out of your vocabulary…stop using it entirely. Because every time you do, you turn it into a real thing.

Another great thing about treating it like a swear word that should never be uttered is…you will never make the mistake of telling your kids that they are a failure. I wonder how many people have been ruined, from growing up being told they were failures their entire childhood.

See, thats how it works when you are a man. The things we get rid of in our life, we get rid of in the lives of our family as well. Just as the things we attract to us, we attract to our families by virtue of our proximity to them, and the role we have in their lives.

Just think…you could live the rest of your life never having another failure, if you change your perspective.

Some of you out there are probably still arguing with me in your mind…insisting that there are some legitimate, actual cases of failure.

Lets say there is an alcoholic guy, whose addiction is ruining his life and his family. He goes to rehab, AA, everything he can think of trying to quit drinking…but, sadly his drinking continues. Has he failed?

It depends on wether or not he thinks he failed, again…perspective. If he says he failed to quit drinking then yes, he has failed. Because saying he failed gives him an excuse to stop trying. Think about it…if he never claims failure, that means he is still trying to quit, he isn’t done.

So, in a way…allowing yourself to fail robs you of the opportunity to improve, to become better, because if you have failed at something, you are no longer trying. You are done…and it’s hard to get better if you are done.

I could go on and on with examples like this. If you want to send me your own example just fire me an email, I would love to hear from you.

I would like to acknowledge my three most recent members of the launch team for my new book, Mitch, Landon, and Tom. Thanks guys, I look forward to working with you on this. I’m still looking for more people, there are slots left, so if you are interested send me an email to: alf@beingbetter.men

Now head out into the world without the ‘F’ word. Leave it behind. Refuse to fail at anything by changing your perspective with the force of your will. Look for the lessons, learn all you can from every situation, be thankful for the opportunity and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

167 – The Unwelcome Passenger

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 12:13:51 -0500

THE UNWELCOME PASSENGER…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Unwelcome Passenger.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Unwelcome Passenger, is about a lapse of judgement, and the consequences of not following your gut.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

166 – Seizing The Opportunity

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 13 Feb 2017 08:05:43 -0500

SEIZING THE OPPORTUNITY…

You know I’m always talking about looking for opportunities to be a better man in your daily life. I realize that just saying that might seem kind of nebulous…like what does it mean exactly?

Today I’m going to give you a practical example of what I mean by seizing opportunities to be a better man, from my own life.

I’m going to be alone for the next week, because my wife is visiting family out of state. This situation provides me with a huge opportunity to be a better man. I’ll explain what I mean.

There is a part of me that wants to revert to my caveman persona, simply because there isn’t anyone here to tell me otherwise. I don’t have to do anything in particular, because I’m the only one here at the moment. I can leave dishes piled up, I can leave my shoes wherever I want, I can leave my clothes laying around wherever I take them off.

I can act like a teenager whose parents are gone for the weekend and do stuff…just because I can, or, I can be a better man.

I can honor my wife, our home, and myself, by doing the things that I should do. By ignoring my base tendencies and instead being focused on being a better man.

That means instead of goofing off I will tend to the household. I’ll wash the dishes and I will maintain the household in the manner that my wife and I have agreed to. I’ll do these things because I have decided thats the right thing to do, and for no other reason. In so doing, I am making a choice to be a better man.

It’s a fairly simple choice to make, a reasonable, responsible choice, an adult choice. However…if I was not in a frame of mind to be looking for opportunities to be a better man…I might have missed it.

I might have just went “woo hoo…I’m on my own for a week and I can do whatever I want.”

Instead, because I am focused on being a better man and looking for opportunities to be so, the first thing I recognized was the opportunity to be better.

Thats why this podcast exist, and that is how it works. I’ve heard from a lot of guys that said after listening to a few episodes this philosophy kind of gets under their skin.

When you become aware that a choice to be better exist, its difficult to ignore it without consciously making a choice NOT to be a better man. If you are a regular listener and have experienced this sort of change in the way you think I would love to hear from you.

So when you hear me talking about going through life looking for opportunities to be a better man…this is the sort of thing I’m talking about. In almost every situation that occurs in normal life we have this choice. We can choose to be a better man than we were yesterday, or we can choose to not be a better man. It’s really as simple as that.

Some people may question the benefits of choosing to be better, they are subconsciously fighting for the right not to be better. Who knows why. It could be for a variety of reasons. Maybe their self esteem is so low they don’t think they can pull it off, so why try. Maybe their history and experience is so dark they don’t think they are capable of being a better man.

That’s exactly why I tell people to be a better man…as opposed to telling people to be a good man or a great man. You might have a long ways to go before you enter the “good man” category, but anyone, regardless of who you are or what your life has been like, can be a better man, than you were yesterday.

It is an incremental improvement. A tiny, maybe even imperceptible action, that makes you better than you were the day before. But gradually, if we continue to make that choice day after day, the incremental improvements add up. Making the choice to be a better man becomes a habit.

The opposite of better, is worse. I think it would be difficult for anyone who was being intellectually honest with themselves to make a choice to be a worse man…right?

Even if you are already regarded as a good man, or even a great man by other people…you can’t stop there. Everyone, no matter who you are can continue improving as a man until you die.

Along the way you will be an example and an inspiration to the people around you. You will have added something good to the world, and that is a worthwhile legacy.

Now head out into the world and always be on the lookout for opportunity, no matter how big or small, to be a better man today than you were yesterday. Keep doing that every day until it becomes a habit…and then notice how every other area of your life improves as a result. It’s not rocket science. It’s not a big secret, or a magic formula…it’s really just plain old common sense.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

165 – Dealing With Loss…Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 10 Feb 2017 08:05:28 -0500

DEALING WITH LOSS…LIKE A MAN

I have a couple announcements to make before I start talking about dealing with loss. For one, I want to thank a listener named Mitch for getting a new StumpTown Kilt for his birthday using the special code: betterman.

If you go to stumptownkilts.com and use the purchase code: betterman, all lower case, like Mitch did, then you will receive 10% off your online purchase…just like Mitch.

He got a brown kilt, which I am a little jealous of because that is one color I don’t have. He wrote me to tell me that he loves his new kilt, and you will too. Just go to stumptownkilts.com and check them out today. You’ll be glad you did, these are the same kilts I wear everyday and in my opinion they can’t be beat.

My second announcement, more of a reminder really, is that I am still looking for volunteers to be part of the launch team for the book I am getting ready to publish. If you want to know more about that, just send me an email and ask me.

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Well here we are again, another Friday. The weekends are different for everyone. Some people have big plans for big fun. Others have big plans to accomplish things they didn’t have time for during the week. There may be some of you who have no plans at all…you just want to sit around all weekend and do absolutely nothing.

Whatever it is that you decide to do is perfectly fine…there isn’t any right or wrong to it, it’s your weekend after all.

My weekend is going to be super full and busy, as usual. I tend to cram a ton of things into every weekend, a combination of fun and work, and I never seem to get everything done I set out to do…that’s just how I do weekends.

Regardless of how any of us plan our days off, there is one important thing that we should all remember. That is, our commitment to be a better man today than we were yesterday. That commitment doesn’t get to rest just because it’s the weekend. In fact, for some of us the weekend is when we need to be most diligent.

Being a better man is a seven day a week proposition, it has to be…in order for it to become a way of life.

I kind of got side tracked on the weekend thing, thats not really what I wanted to talk about…but it is important.

What I really wanted to talk about, is dealing with loss.

We all lose something dear to us from time to time, its inevitable. For whatever reason, we might lose a job that we depend on. Or we might lose a relationship thats really important to us. A beloved pet or relative might die. Your car might be destroyed by a hit and run driver while you are in the store. You might lose a limb in a workplace accident.

Dealing with major loss is really just another part of life and its important that we consider how to deal with these things prior to going through it. Because we want to deal with whatever loss we may face as best we can, as a man.

What I mean by considering how you will deal with things before they happen, is that you can establish a common method of dealing with all sorts of loss. It’s impossible to predict everything that will happen to you, but you can establish a base method for every eventuality.

Severe loss effects us in a couple different ways; emotionally, financially, physically, or a tragic combination of those. Every situation is different, just as every person is different.

The first thing I would tell you is that it is OK to feel and experience the emotions of the loss, experience the grief of it, don’t try to shut it out because its there for a reason.

If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to yell and scream then do that. I personally try to get that stuff out of my system as quickly as possible, because I realize I have a higher calling.

Whenever you experience loss the chances are that others do as well; family members, friends, loved ones and associates. They are going to be hurting just like you.

As a man I see one of my roles as being strong during those times. Decisions usually have to be made, people need to be comforted, the world has to be made normal again somehow and if I am wallowing in my own grief I will be unable to provide that service to others.

I have seen a lot of men play the grief card way too long, feeding off the sympathy of others and forcing other people around them to be strong…and frankly, it sickens me.

My personal belief is that as a man, it is not only our duty, but our privilege to be the rock for others in times of great loss and emotional need.

The second thing I would recommend you do when faced with a terrible loss of some kind, is to force yourself to focus on the things you know to be true and positive.

For example, if you lose your job, focus on the the fact that you know you are talented and smart. Focus on your ability to land on your feet and find a better job than the one you lost. Leave the negative, bitter feelings behind because the bottom line is…they won’t help you.

Whatever it is you lose, find positive things to focus on. If you lose an arm, focus on the fact that you have a spare. If you lose a girlfriend, focus on the fact that you are both free to find your actual match now. When someone dies focus on how great it was to have known them and how lucky you are to have all those memories of them to cherish.

It might sound simplistic, but the bottom line is that whenever tragedy strikes we have two choices. 1.) We can wallow in it, using this tragedy as an excuse to let our lives sink even lower while feeding on the sympathy of others. Or, 2.) We can summon energy from all the positive things in our life, to keep moving forward in spite of it by the sheer force of our will as a man.

There really aren’t too many other options. Some people do #1 for as long as they can before they pull their heads out and then they move onto #2. What I’m suggesting, is that you take the initiative to move forward as soon as you can.

The act of moving forward, of taking positive action works not only because things are happening. It works because it makes you more alive, it makes you vital, and negativity can stand up to that.

It sounds obvious, but so many people allow themselves to be taken out of the game by great, sudden loss…when they don’t need to.

The choice is yours, it’s your life. But I suggest that one way of being ready for such things is to spend some time thinking about it; what would you do if… How would you feel if… As a man, how do you want to experience loss, as a victor, or a victim?

Thats it for today guys. As usual, I love to hear your thoughts on the show so feel free to email me with your thoughts, insights, or questions at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Also, if you believe in what this show is doing and you want to become a Patron, head over to patreon.com and check out our page, you can become a Patron for as much or as little as you like.

Now head out into the world, and take your role as a man seriously. Determine what kind of man you want to be in every situation, and then live into that, make it happen by imposing yourself on your own life, and by being abetter man today than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

164 – Aim Of An Evil Boy

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 08 Feb 2017 08:05:43 -0500

Aim Of An Evil Boy…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Aim Of An Evil Boy.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Aim Of An Evil Boy, is about an extremely important lesson I learned, an difficult way, unfortunately, this lesson was gleaned at the expense of another living creature.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

163 – He With The Most Memories…Wins

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 06 Feb 2017 08:05:06 -0500

I was thinking today about how each of us have a perception in our heads of who we are, of what kind of man we are. I have spoke many times on this show about the importance of knowing ourself well so that this perception of self is as accurate as possible.

I have also said on many occasions that perception is reality. The things we perceive are what is real to us. That’s important, because if we perceive that we are good, kind, strong, brave, intelligent men…then we are much more likely to live into that reality.

One of the things, perhaps the biggest thing that informs our perception of self, is our memories. All of our memories, both good and bad are what come together in our brains to form the tapestry of our existence.

We rely on memories way more often than we realize. A bad memory might cause us to avoid a certain situation, while a good memory might cause us to seeks out situations where we can replicate that memory.

When confronted with a new situation, without us even realizing it, our brains scan our memory banks for anything that is similar, for anything that might help us navigate this new situation.

If it is a really brand new situation our brains might not come up with anything that helps us…but we forge on ahead anyway, and then we create a brand new memory that will aid us in the future.

Nestled in our brains alongside but independent of our memories…is our intellect. Our conscious reasoning area. Sometimes these two areas are in conflict. Sometimes our intellect doesn’t allow our memories to work as well as they should.

We humans have a special knack for letting bad memories fade into obscurity while at the same time embellishing good memories into things that didn’t really happen that way. My personal theory is that this only happens when we allow it to.

It’s a type of mental laziness that we have all been guilty of at one time or another. We want to believe amazing things about ourselves, it feels good, so we allow our intellect to bend memories into our favor. After a while, that becomes our new reality…our new, inaccurate reality.

Likewise, we might take a bad memory, something we are ashamed of or something that was painful, things that make our intellect uncomfortable. Then our intellect, through justification and excuse, will cause us to forgive this bad act, or make it so that it becomes irrelevant; it wasn’t our fault, someone else made me do that, etc.

Sometimes this is beneficial. For example if I had a 100% accurate memory of the pain I felt when my finger got smashed in the Army…it would be a very uncomfortable memory. As it is…I just remember that it hurt really bad.

The same is true with the pain of grief, like when someone we love dies. If that pain did not fade over time some of us would not be able to continue in life, because it would be too painful.

All that being said, how I think the way this is all relevant to being a better man…the key to it all, is to become the masters of our own mind.

It’s our mind after all. Who else should control it but us? Does it seem wise to just allow our brains to run amok, willy-nilly, thinking whatever it wants and making decisions that might not be in our best interest? I think not.

This may be a new concept to some of you. You might be wondering how we can control our own thoughts…it may seem impossible, like trying to control our dreams.

The difference is that dreams are subconscious and thoughts are conscious. When we are awake, we are driving the bus. When we are sleeping…the bus drives itself.

I think there are two basic ways that we can have impact over our thoughts, and memories and ultimately, over what kind of men we are.

The first way is very direct. First we become aware of our mind, the tricks it plays, and the schemes it makes, and the things we remember. Then with our intellect we focus our will and intention on it. Through our diligent intention and focus, we gradually become the masters of our own minds.

It requires practice, like anything does, but through constant analyzation, through honest, objective, self evaluation and raw effort, our intellect becomes more accustomed to being the master of our memories, our emotions, and our instincts…to the benefit of all those different parts.

The second way, a way to aid your intellect in this, is by taking an active role in what kind of memories you have to work with.

If you have a life full of crappy memories, then it’s kind of like putting lipstick on a pig and calling it pretty. Are memories are nothing more than the record of things that happened. So who determines what happens in your life? You do.

Last May I recorded episode 50, and it was called “Make A Memory On Purpose”. That’s kind of what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you, designing your life and your perception of yourself, by designing the memories you have.

Many memories just happen and there is nothing we can do about it…but we also have the ability as humans to create specific memories with intention and design. Keeping in mind that these memories and experiences will become part of who we are.

It could be something as simple as taking a walk with your kid and see how many bugs you can find. Or driving your wife somewhere for the sole purpose of watching the sun set together. Or helping your dad fix his gutters.

Or it could be a big memory full of smaller ones, like a trip somewhere you have never been.

The thing is…when you start creating memories, when you start designing the experiences that will become your perception, the things that will become who you are. Now you are living a life of intention.

The more memories, the better you know yourself, the more mastery you have over your life as a man. The guy with the most memories…wins.

Now head out there into the big world and be aware that everything that happens every moment of every day is recorded somewhere between your ears. Start making choices that have an impact on what is recorded, and you will have done something that makes you a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

162 – To Work Like A Man…the lost art

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 08:05:10 -0500

I want to talk about good old fashioned hard work today. At the risk of sounding cynical, sometimes I wonder if it is’t becoming a lost art; the ability, willingness, and know how to actually work hard, like a man.

Before I get into it though I am going to recognize the sponsor of today’s program, StumpTown Kilts. They are, in my opinion far and away the finest manufacturer of every day Kilts. So support this podcast by checking out this great sponsor. That’s stumptownkilts.com, and type betterman (lower case) at checkout to receive this special offer.

OK, we are talking about the concept of hard work. “Hard work” is kind of a nebulous term…I think it means different things to different people. To me it doesn’t just mean physically working hard. When I say hard work, what it means to me is doing your absolute best, in everything you do. Not taking short cuts, not skipping any steps just because no one is watching. It means paying attention to the fine details as well as the bigs ones. Listening closely to instructions and following through.

Everyone listening to me right now probably agrees that these are all good things, right? Of course you do…that’s what kills me about this; it’s not a secret, this is stuff everybody knows intellectually and yet, there is a serious shortage of people who apply these ideas everyday in our work force.

At least…thats my experience. I’ll explain what I mean. I’ve had three different construction companies in my life and in each case my number one biggest challenge was finding men who really knew how to work hard, in the way I described a moment ago.

I’ve had guys tell me they ran out of energy and walk off the job in the middle of the day. I’ve had guys do a simple task wrong, over and over again, even though I gave them repeated instructions in between.

I’ve had guys not come to work because they decided to have a party instead…and then invite me to the party. I’m not joking.

I have seen it all, and I have gone through so many guys before I would come to a genuine, bonafide, hard working guy. And when I did…I would treat him like gold and try to keep him as long as I could.

I have also been an employee at several jobs, working alongside other guys. The same thing always happens…maybe some of you can relate to this, over time I wind up doing extra work, taking up the slack for my fellow employees who are doing everything half-assed.

It’s really frustrating, and it’s a problem. The reason I’m talking about it here is because what kind of work you do in life is a direct reflection of the kind of man you are in my opinion.

Also, I think there are a great many men who did not have the advantage of learning how to work hard, and well. If you grew up like so many have, without an example of a man who took pride in everything he did, and always tried to be his best…if no one taught you that then how are you supposed to know?

You may have never thought of it as a learned skill…but I absolutely believe it is. I think this because there have been young men I mentored, who didn’t have a clue in the beginning, they took no pride in their efforts, they quit as soon as they were tired. But, as a result of working alongside men who did know how to work hard…they learned, and in every case it changed their life for the better.

It changed their life for the better because it gave them a whole new level of pride, confidence, and purpose as a man.

I hate picking on millennials, I know many fine amazing millennial people. Their generation is getting a bad rap though, because many people my age just think they are lazy good-for-nothings with misplaced priorities. But what if…they just didn’t have anyone to teach them? Perhaps the generation before them was too busy doing other things? I don’t know…just speculating here.

So what is the remedy to all this? Well here’s what I think. You can make up your own mind, but I think that you men out there who are hard working guys that take pride in the things they do, who know how to work…instead of just being angry with the guys who don’t, try taking them under your wing. Just try being an example and taking on that leadership role. You will find it to be mutually beneficial.

Of course only a few may be receptive to it…but for those few, you could change their life.

If you think you are one of the guys who didn’t have a good work example…to you I encourage you to find one. First start looking at everything with different lenses. Start noticing other people and how they do things. You’ll see the difference. Some people don’t give a crap, and some do. When you find someone who does, try and become their apprentice, spend time with them, talking to them, helping them. He’ll appreciate it, and it will rub off on you, because that’s how it happens. That’s how us humans are designed.

Regardless of where you are on the scale, this is an area that we can all continue to improve in, myself included. It’s easy to start coasting when you think you have everything figured out…but that’s when you really have to pay attention. That is when bad habits get formed and before you know it…you are not who you think you are anymore.

Wether you work in an office, or out on a construction site, wether you are a window washer or a cook, or a fighter pilot or a fireman or a barista…or a podcaster for that matter, it will serve all of us to be very focused and committed to doing everything we do, well. And, it is a sure-fire way to become a better man today than you were yesterday.

If you feel stuck or have challenges in this area you can always write me a letter at alf@beingbetter.men, and we can talk it over.

Before I sign off today there is one more thing I want to tell you about. As you may know I am creating a book, it will be a compilation of the Wednesday stories. These will be great for kids and adults alike because the lessons apply to us all, at every stage of life.

In preparation I am assembling a launch team. What a launch team consist of is 50 to 100 people who really believe in the project, who are willing to help.

The launch team will have it’s own private Facebook group where we can network and organize. The amount of help the launch team provides is up to them, it won’t be anything too strenuous, but many hands make light work.

I’m going about it like this because I believe that the more hands the book gets into, the more difference it can make in the world. I want to put something good in the hands of as many people as I can.

If you share that belief I have, if you want to be part of something good and are interested in being on the launch team, write me an email and let me know. I will respond with a more detailed explanation of what is involved.

To be clear, you will not be compensated for this, it is volunteer work. What you will get out of it is a book, and the satisfaction that you contributed to a good thing.

Now head out into the world and be a better man today, than you were yesterday!

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

161 – The Ugly Years

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 01 Feb 2017 08:05:14 -0500

THE UGLY YEARS…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Ugly Years.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Ugly Years, is in a slightly different format than most Wednesday stories. It has to do with our perceptions of ourself, and the danger of caring too much what others might think of you…and not caring enough about what you think of yourself.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

160 – Your Time And Attention

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 08:05:27 -0500

YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION…

So, it’s Monday now, and the weekend has just passed. The weekend’s are kind of a big deal. Some of you listening had the time of your life this weekend. Others of you may have had a so-so weekend. While still others of you just sat around and did nothing at all.

look, if you are working five days a week, then the weekend is the time to get out and celebrate the week you just went through. Or…it’s the time to get stuff done that you didn’t have time for during the week, or it’s a time for needed rest.

I’ll tell you how I spent my weekend…even though I am a little behind on my podcast episodes, even though I have a ton of other things I could be doing that would move my life forward…I spent the weekend pruning my dad’s fruit trees.

This weekend I personally pruned six apple trees, two pear trees, and two cherry trees. It wasn’t a light prune either, these trees have not been attended to in over six years, each one was like a jungle unto itself.

So there I am up on a ladder with a chain saw all weekend, pruning trees.

It was very hard work, but thankfully we had friends and relatives helping out, dragging the cut off branches over to the fire, holding the ladder, and stuff like that.

The whole time I’m thinking about all the other things I could be doing; I could be working on my book, I could be recording new podcast’, I could be answering emails and engaging on social media…but there I was, up in a tree with a chain saw.

Some people might look at this situation and say that I wasted my weekend because I didn’t get any thing done that will move me forward…and, I would be inclined to agree with them.

However, as I was up there in those trees there was another thought I kept having. I kept thinking about my dad, and the fact that he is too old to do this stuff himself. He will be 81 in February, and everything has gotten bigger than he can handle.

I also reminisced about all the times when I was a kid spent playing in the same tree’s I was pruning now. I thought about the adventures played out in their branches and the overall connection I had with these trees, and this property.

It became pretty clear to me, pretty quickly that the priority immediately before me, trumped all other perceived priorities.

It’s important for us as men to be able to sift through all the BS and focus on things that really matter.

Us men have a huge inclination to focus on things that will move us forward socially or economically…at the expense of other things that matter intimately, relationally, or spiritually. It’s unfortunate, because true happiness only comes from the latter.

I gotta tell you…there was an enormous sense of satisfaction at the end of the day, sitting with my dad in front of a glowing pile of coals two feet high…what was left of the fire that consumed all the wood we cut off the trees.

It wasn’t just the accomplishment itself, it was knowing that my dad felt a sense of security, that people he cared for his entire life were in fact returning the favor. He was being cared for, without asking, and that awareness gave him peace that I could see and feel. That alone made it all worthwhile.

This episode is a reminder to everyone to check in once in a while and determine what really matters. We all default to our careers and our social agendas most of the time. It’s good to check in though, and see if there isn’t someone, or something that will advance our life in other more meaningful directions. Maybe there is someone that just really needs your time and attention…maybe that should be the priority once in a while.

Whenever that happens we are almost always paying back something that has been given to us at some point. It’s reciprocal; a gift for a gift.

Ultimately we will all be the target of that same kind of attention and care, or lack thereof…it matters how you live, and what you put into life. It’s hard to receive, without first giving.

Now head out into the world being the best man you can be. Along the way stop and look for those people who may be in need of your time and attention…and give it to them. Whenever you do it will be obvious to you and them, that you are a better man today than you were yesterday.

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159 – People…Like You

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 08:05:50 -0500

PEOPLE…LIKE YOU!

First, let’s thank our sponsor…

This episode is brought to you by John and Todd and all the other good people over at Stumptown Kilts. These are craftsmen who’s purpose in life is to provide the world with the most well made, well designed kilts available.

I own three of these kilts myself and I doubt I will ever get one anywhere else, because they have it all. From the rugged, attractive material, the adjustable size, the attachable pockets and the huge hidden pocket…not to mention the affordable price and premium craftsmanship. Seriously guys, if you have ever thought of getting a kilt, Stumptown Kilts is the only place you need to go.

Right now there is a special, exclusive offer for listeners of Being A Better Man, go to stumptownkilts.com, pick out your kilts and accessories, then when you are checking out enter the code: betterman, all lower case, and you will receive 10% off your entire online purchase. Go to stumptownkilts.com today, and tell them Alf sent you.

There will be a contest coming up soon to win a free Stumptown kilt. Keep an eye on the Facebook page, that is where all the details will be posted.

Well, it’s Friday again. Another chance for me to talk about things that are on my mind. Not just random things…but things that pertain to being a better man of course.

Honestly, I think all of our lives have been dominated by the political news cycle lately…I know mine has. When I have had enough of it I seek refuge in some other activity or conversation, but since everyone I know is being affected by it, it’s hard to get away from it…it shows up everywhere I go.

I wouldn’t be so bad if everyone was having a non-emotional, civil exchange of ideas, but that is not the case unfortunately.

Each side of the political discussion has come up with an entire set of derogatory names, labels, and characterizations for the other side.

People on both sides of the argument think people on the other side are either pure evil, hopelessly stupid, misinformed, or misguided. When the truth of the matter is…the majority of people on the other side are just…people. People like you.

I see this happening and I ask myself why? Why must it be so adversarial? I think a big part of the answer is the media itself, and how things are reported.

When all you see about the other side is the worst, most abhorrent behavior, it makes you think everyone on that side of the fence is like that.

I learned an important lesson when I was in the Army. In High school I was one of the country kids, we wore cowboy hats and lived on farms, did chores and all of that. Our upbringing reenforced certain ideals, and we naturally thought that we were right.

At the time, in the late 70’s, there were other groups of people that we deemed to be our inferior opposites. I’m talking about the hippies and the stoners. Their world view was completely different from ours, and we knew that they were wrong. We vilified these groups of people.

I remember parking at 7-11 on Friday nights in the hopes we could start a fight with some hippies or stoners…as if that would have proven anything.

It became very “us and them”. It seemed to us that there was no hope for these long-haired, worthless, dope smoking, no-account slackers…as if their very humanity was in question because we couldn’t find any redeeming qualities in how they lived or thought, because they were different than us.

It’s kind of embarrassing now to remember how prejudiced I was against these other kids, but, that’s how it was then.

Then I joined the Army and something strange happened. They cut off all our hair. Then they dressed us all in identical clothing. Suddenly I could not longer tell who was who.

It was unsettling at first. I had become used to making snap judgments about people simply by looking at them.

When you are working with other men you have conversations with the guy next to you. When there is an opportunity, you make a joke. You share stories…because that’s what humans do. Through this type of natural communication I made friends with a lot of guys, many of whom I would have tried to fight at 7-11.

I began to realize that beneath the clothes and hair, regardless of what kind of music they listen to, regardless of what their political affiliations are, or their religion, their skin color, or anything else…everybody is just a person, like me.

As a person we all have parents, people who love us. We have hopes and dreams and hobbies and aspirations.

Today’s media is not designed to make people think the best of each other. Instead it paints groups of people with a huge wide brush, that makes us think everyone in that group is like that…but they are not.

For example, back when the Tea-Party was up and coming, many people thought all tea partiers were slobbering neanderthals who were prone to violence…because that is how it was reported. I went to a couple Tea Party rallies, and it was very peaceful. No slobbering, no violence, just concerned people talking about things they believed in.

Likewise, the recent protests are portrayed in the media to have been taken over by anarchists smashing windows and destroying property. I went to one of these protest, I talk about it in episode 157, I didn’t see one anarchist out of 170,000 people. It was peaceful, and friendly. Just concerned people talking about things they believed in.

Everyday about 3,000,000 police officers in this country do their job flawlessly, with no incident of violence or abuse. But the media would have us all believe that the majority of cops are hunting down minorities for no reason and that corruption is the rule rather than the exception.

The reason I’m talking about this stuff, is because as men we have an obligation to think for ourselves. We should question everything we hear instead of blindly believing what we are fed…and then regurgitating it.

There are very few pure sources of information out there now, everything has a bias. You owe it to yourself to do your own research, to determine for yourself the truth of things before you simply adopt them as gospel with no basis.

What is at stake is your relationships. All of us have relationship with people from many different walks of life. I’m not just talking about your families, but the people you work with, go to school with, do business with, and commute with. The people who live in the same city as you do…they are all just people, like you.

Most people want the same things; to be happy, to be comfortable and safe, to have a future to live into. They just have different ideas of how to achieve these things…and that is where the divide starts, but that is also the exact place that people NEED to get together and talk. But that won’t happen, as long as everyone is angry.

A lot of people seem to get angry at other people just because they have a different opinion about something. I don’t get that…it doesn’t make sense. In my opinion, the only reason you would get angry at someone for not believing what you believe is if you yourself are not secure in your own belief.

If you are secure and solid in the things you believe, then it wouldn’t really matter what someone else thinks would it? I know it doesn’t matter to me.

There have also been occasions when I have had a firmly held belief about something, and through civil conversation I realize I was incorrect. I am grateful when that happens…because I can go forward being more correct than I was previously. All I really want, is the truth of things.

So I urge all of you, as you head out into the world to remember that everybody is just a person. They have families, and things that make them laugh, they have pets and jobs. They are all just people, like you. At the same time I urge you to always think for yourself…don’t be told by anyone how or what to think. You are a man, and it’s your job to chart your course…no one else’.

You should question the things I say here as well, even though I’m not telling you what to think, just giving you things to think about, as you go through the world being a better man today, than you were yesterday. Question everything my friends…and arrive at your own conclusions as a result of your diligence.

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158 – Hard Times On The Big Road…

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 25 Jan 2017 08:05:33 -0500

HARD TIMES ON THE BIG ROAD…hunger, heat, & anger.

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Hard Times On The Big Road.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Hard Times On The Big Road, is another story from my trucking years as you might have guessed. It’s a story about having to deal with really bad treatment, while at the same time be responsible for someone else. I learned a lot of lessons in this story that are still with me today.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

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157 – Pink Hats, Men, A March, And Liberty

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 23 Jan 2017 08:05:34 -0500

PINK HATS, MEN, A MARCH, AND LIBERTY…

I wasn’t going to talk about this topic today. My plan was going to mull it over for awhile. I was going to let it steep in my consciousness for a few days and maybe talk about it on Friday…but, because of the way things are happening and the way news is being spread I have changed my mind and decided to talk about it today.

If you are a regular listener to this show then you know that I try hard to not bring politics or religion into the discussion here. There is a reason for that, the reason being that these things tend to divide people into groups and I prefer to talk about what unites us. I prefer to focus on the fact that we are all men, regardless of our political or religious positions.

In this episode I will stray from this policy slightly….only as far as I need to though. Before you fly off the handle and unsubscribe, I ask you to listen. Keep in mind that at the core of this discussion I am still addressing the character of men; our behavior, our reactions, our language, and ultimately our best interests.

I will mention certain politicians in this episode, because they are pertinent to the topic and things that happened, do not take any of my comments as an endorsement or criticism of these politicians, because that would be inaccurate.

Here we go.

On Saturday, January 21st, I accompanied my wife to the women’s march in Seattle. I didn’t want to. To be perfectly honest I thought it was all kind of stupid. Seattle is 90 minutes away from where I live and with travel and parking and everything else it was sure to eat up an entire day in which I had other, more important things to do.

I was hoping she would just decide to March in the smaller town we live in…so I could get on with my life.

Like I said, I thought the whole thing was a monumental waste of time that would not accomplish anything. I didn’t share these feelings with my wife because I respect her and love her. I don’t think it is my job to impose my beliefs on her and tell her how to feel or think, and in return she doesn’t tell me how to feel or think. We are each allowed to be ourselves, and that works out pretty well.

I decided to attend the march with her for two reasons; because I wanted to support her in something she felt passionate about, but mainly…because I wanted to be able to protect her if their march was met with opposition. If she was hurt on my watch, it would be my fault, and there have been a lot of crazy anarchist running around causing trouble lately.

My wife was passionate about joining this march. In the weeks leading up to it she had been knitting pink hats with little cat ears. These hats were the identifying attire of choice for the marchers because another name for a cat…is pussy.

The hats were intended to highlight and remind people of the misogynist statements That Donald Trump had made years earlier in 2005, which came out during the campaign. If you are unfamiliar with what he said, here is a link to it: http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/What_trump_said In his comments he repeatedly used the word “pussy”, so they are called “pussy hats”.

OK…as men, what are we supposed to do with that? Many of us, myself included have been raised to avoid using that word, especially around women because it is a derogatory nickname for a very private part of female anatomy. All of a sudden there is an army of women using the name pussy hats.

It’s uncomfortable, it’s lewd, it seems disrespectful…and, I think that is the point. Many women feel that his comments were summarily excused as “No big deal”. It happened so long ago…boys will be boys, and by Trumps own statement; it was just locker room talk.

Women who are advocates of the pussy hat name do not want it to be swept under the rug. They feel that any man who would refer to women in such terms is not worthy of public office, not worthy to be in a position to make decisions that will effect their future, because it is indicative of a foundational lack of character, as a man. So, the pussy hat name, I believe, is intended as a constant, visceral reminder.

I think something we need to keep in mind as men, is that it doesn’t really matter what we think of Trumps statements personally…because we are not women. We are not threatened by these statements. What we need to keep in mind is how it makes women feel. Perception is reality, and the reality for these women is that it makes them feel oppressed and objectified as a group. How they feel is not right or wrong, it is simply how they feel and that is their reality.

My wife made one of these hats for me…she knew I would not wear a pink one, so she made mine in two shades of blue. Nor would I call it a pussy hat, I instead called it a “Tom Cat Hat”.

So, I grudgingly went to the march, quietly but firmly ensconced in my own set of prejudices and ideas. What I’m going to share with you next is the unexpected effect this march had on me.

We parked and took the light rail into Seattle. As soon as we got out of the car I was seeing these pink hats everywhere, and we were still quite a ways, miles away from the event.

We rode the train into the city. My wife had brought many extra pussy hats to hand out to those who didn’t have one. She gave a few away on the train to the delight of her fellow marchers.

We arrived in the city and began walking a few blocks to a park that was to be the rally point for the march. We were with the group that got off the train, but on every side street, at every intersection, from every paved tributary I saw more pink hats trickling in from every direction.

It reminded me of multitudes of salmon, returning from the ocean to all arrive at the same stream they were spawned in. As we walked, the numbers continued to grow and grow.

I was happy and relieved to see I was not the only man. I estimate that 30 to 40 % of those in attendance were men.

Finally, we got to the park. Actually…the park had been transformed into a ocean of pink hats and signs. I was staggered by the numbers, by the sheer mass of people. Everywhere I looked in every direction as far as I could see…there were people who had all come together for this singular purpose.

We made our way through the crowd to the north end of the park where we were meeting a friend. As I looked around and read all the signs I began to realize that it wasn’t just a woman’s march. Several groups were represented there.

It was not just an anti-Trump march like I had suspected, it was a march for personal liberty of every kind. Women who felt their personal liberties were being threatened, along with minorities of every color who had been made to feel marginalized.

People who’s issue was the preservation of the affordable care act, and the LGBT community, and many other people who were not in any of these groups, but were there in solidarity with them because they felt it was the right thing to do.

Some of my preconceptions began to wobble. I could not help but be impressed by the sheer bigness of it all. It was remarkable.

One of my original notions was that it was all a waste of time because it wouldn’t accomplish anything. Nothing would change, no policy would be effected. They didn’t have any clear demands or agenda and therefore it was all an exercise in futility.

I was watching everything very closely in an effort to support my beliefs…reading all the signs and studying peoples behavior.

I saw some signs that were not very tasteful, some others I didn’t agree with, but many were very creative and clever and some made me laugh out loud.

All of the thousands of people there were friendly and civil, even cheerful. I didn’t hear any political rhetoric, there was no man-bashing. I saw people of every age from infants to the very elderly. Every size, shape, gender, and color of human.

The route for the march was 3 1/2 miles long. When the first marchers arrived at the end there were still people at the other end just getting started. The most recent estimates I’ve heard is that there were 175,000 people there.

Hearing a number like that is entirely different than being in the middle of it. I was blown away by how many people had come to this thing.

Somewhere during the march something happened…I got it. What I had originally thought was a foolish waste of time and effort suddenly became something noble, and real, something I respected. I understood what was happening to be a very pure form of American expression.

As a man I was moved. Admittedly very few of the issues represented at the march affected me personally as a white male. Some of the issues and groups represented I don’t agree with at all. I realized that I don’t need to agree with everything, I only need to acknowledge the fact that there are many people who feel threatened and vulnerable by a future which has been made uncertain by the actual words of elected officials.

These people came together under different banners in a peaceful demonstration to send a message to those officials, to put them on notice. It was that collaborative effort that I found most beautiful. Indeed, that is how it is supposed to work.

Early estimates are that over 5,000,000 people worldwide participated in the march. Los Angeles had 700,000 people. Washington DC had another half million. Chicago, Portland, Fairbanks Alaska, Oslo, London, every major city in the world and many minor ones all had their own march.

So where am I going with all this? Why am I even talking about it? Because, as men who want to be better than we were yesterday, we have an obligation to approach things that impact our world with some degree of forethought.

In my social media I have many people from every walk of life. Conservatives and liberals and everything in between. It is the discourse I have seen since the march that has prompted me to talk about this.

A sad reality of our two party system in my opinion, is that everyone who is not with you is against you. I have seen a lot of men ridicule the marchers, call them names like crybabies and snowflakes.

Many people are like me before I participated, they don’t understand what it’s all about. They say Trump hasn’t done anything yet, we should give him a chance, they are getting all worried for nothing.

In almost every case though, people who are saying this are not from one of the groups who feel threatened and marginalized…they are from a privileged class.

I would argue with these people that things have been done…words have been said…and words mean things. There were many words uttered during the campaign that have caused people to fear for the liberty and rights they hold dear.

I say again, it doesn’t matter if we agree with these people or not. One the the fundamentally greatest things about America is the freedom we have to disagree. The fact is, that is how they feel…and that makes it valid because their perception is their reality.

Is it realistic to expect them to lay down like sheep and do nothing? Should we expect them to just wait and see in the face of language that made them feel personally threatened? I am proud of them for doing something, for being part of the process instead of doing nothing, and I encourage everyone everywhere to be proud of them as well.

Regardless of where you stand on issues I encourage you as a man, to be kind. Think before you speak. I’m sure many of you spent the weekend debating this very thing…some of you may have already said things that will damage your relationships and ruin friendships.

Just…have care and be respectful of other peoples feelings and beliefs and remember you don’t have to win every argument, there are more important things than being right.

I foresee more of this in the months to come. I have a challenge to issue to you as men. The next time there is a woman march…participate in it, with an open mind. If you still feel compelled to ridicule it afterwards, so be it. But until you experience it, you have little ground to ridicule it in my opinion.

For me, this all comes from a deeply held belief that as men we have an obligation toward the safety and welfare of those people around us, wether we know them or not. I think it’s one of the greatest things about being a man; the ability to leave something good in our wake.

As I said earlier, it was not my intent to be political on one side or the other here. For the record, I didn’t vote for Trump, or Hilary. I went with a third party because it’s important to me to believe that people believe what they are saying…even if I don’t agree with them. I personally am not aligned with the republicans or the democrats. I take what I like from each, and reject what I find objectionable.

Now head out into the world and think, and act, and react, and speak wisely…with care for others. In doing so you won’t just be providing a service to them but to yourself as well, because you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

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156 – One Year Anniversary Celebration!!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 20 Jan 2017 08:05:49 -0500

Today is very special indeed, because it was one year ago that I began this podcast. 52 weeks, three episodes a week, and now here we are at episode 156.

I have been thinking about this episode, trying to figure out what I should talk about here. Of course I’m grateful, very grateful to everyone who has taken the time to listen over the course of the last year because without you guys…I would just be a guy in a man cave talking to myself. It is totally you, the listeners who have made this possible.

The other day my daughter in law Lyndsay, my son Clintons wife, sent me a message on Facebook, she had an idea. She wrote:

Hi Alf! It would be great for the listeners to have an episode to hear what you’ve changed about yourself since you’ve started your Podcast. Anything in particular….just so we know if talking about your thoughts has changed you and in what way. Just a thought!

I read her message and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a great idea, so I’m going to give that a whirl.

As many of you know, I began this podcast because it was a journey I was already on. A journey that I wanted to bring other men on with me. I had no idea how profoundly I would be affected by doing this.

What you may not realize is that every single episode I created caused me to do some of the same things that I encourage other men to do. It caused me to look inward, to evaluate and scrutinize my thoughts and positions. To make a determination about where I stood and what I believed.

When I’m talking to you guys in a podcast, I’m not just talking to you, or at you…I’m talking to myself as well and I can say that is has had a huge effect on me this past year.

Making this podcast I was forced to realize that some things I thought I believed were still just ideas. It wasn’t until I gathered these thoughts up together into a podcast that I came to understand where my own focus was lacking…and then I was able to make corrections where needed.

Like I said, I have been on this path of self improvement for awhile, but there is something about sharing the journey and the philosophy that takes it to a whole other level. It becomes magnified, it becomes enhanced.

Throughout this past year, because of sharing this podcast with you, I have improved my focus. My relationships have improved. I have gained confidence in areas where I previously had none. My vision of what it means to be a man in the world has been sharpened and refined. In short, creating this podcast has made me a better man.

There is a saying that says; You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s very true, and sharing this content with you every week has revealed to me some of the things I didn’t know that I didn’t know…but now I do.

I am far from a finished product. I’m sure there are still many things that I don’t know that I don’t know, but through effort and focus and daily commitment I expect many of those things will be revealed as time goes on, and I’m excited about that.

When I started this podcast I was in totally unknown territory. I had no idea what to expect. I did make some goals though. One of those goals was that I wanted to have a total of 200,000 downloads in the first year. We come in a little short of that at around 189,000. I don’t feel bad about that at all though, because it was just a guess in the first place, and we came close, and 189,000 is quite a lot! We have listeners in 115 different countries, wow! I don’t know how many countries there are…but that has to be most of them.

Another goal I had was that I wanted the podcast to begin paying for itself, to generate some revenue. Not just so I would get money, but also as a means of validating it’s value. When people put something of value into the world, the world will respond by giving value back.

I didn’t want to produce something of no value…what would be the point in that? So for me generating revenue would be one of the indicators that I was on the right track, that people were finding value in the content.

I’m happy to say that the show has started generating some revenue…so I do feel like the world is finding value in it.

In December we brought on our first official sponsor; Stump Town Kilts. They are now the official sponsor for every Friday episode. I have not heard recent statistics about how many of you are taking advantage of the 10% discount they are offering, but I really hope you guys are checking out their website and I strongly encourage you, if you are ever going to wear a kilt in your life, to make it a stump town kilt.

I have three of these kilts myself and I believe they are the best, most well made, innovative and superior kilts that are available today. Another great thing is that they are not the most expensive!

So guys I’m asking you to help support this show by supporting our sponsor, Stumptown Kilts. Just go to stumptownkilts.com and type the code betterman at checkout to receive 10% off your online purchase.

I also started a Patreon page. Patreon is a place where people can support the content they love in the form of monthly pledges. In return you get little awards and recognition, but more importantly you have the knowledge that you are supporting something you believe in.

It’s pretty awesome because you can pledge as little or as much as you want, it’s totally up to you. I currently have seven Patreon Patrons and I appreciate every one of them so much. These are the inner circle people. I think of these people as the raging fans. The people who are so aligned with this philosophy that they went through the trouble of going to patreon.com, finding my page, and pledging their support. There are links at the bottom of all the show notes pages to make it easy for you.

If you have not gone to the Patreon page yet, I’m asking you to right now. There is a video I made there telling you about it, I think its kind of funny. But if you are a raging fan, if you believe and find value in this content and want to become a patron of the show, please head over there and see what you can do.

There are some other, smaller revenue streams as well and it all adds up and it all tells me that there are people out there who want me to keep going, it really means a lot.

In the future I hope to have some more merchandise like t-shirts and mugs but I want to find a partner that will make it affordable for you guys as well.

Also in this coming year I have another project I’ll be working on. I am going to compile all of the Wednesday stories in a book, or a series of books. There will be more about that as details unfold, but if you are interested in getting one of these books I would love it if you sent me a message either on the website, or Facebook, or you can always just email me at: alf@beingbetter.men. Let me know you want one. As the launch approaches there will be discounts offered to people who get in early.

One of the commitments I made when I started this a year ago was that I wanted to become a better podcaster every time I sat down at the mic. I believe I have accomplished that. It feels very natural now. In the beginning I wasn’t used to hearing my voice and I would cringe every time. I felt stiff and awkward, but now things are coming pretty easily and I hope that translates on your end.

I mentioned earlier that revenue is one indicator that I’m on the right track…there is another one, and that is one of my favorite things in the world; listener feedback.

In the past year I have received many letter from you guys out there. From people as young as 16 and as old as 55, from both men and women. I cherish every one of these letters. Some of you share how the program has helped in some area of your life, others just offer their thanks and gratitude. Many of you have given me ideas for show topics or asked questions.

I love hearing from you guys, it makes my day, and I answer every email I receive so thank you, and please keep the letters coming.

In wrapping this up I want to sincerely thank all of you for the past year. It has helped and changed me as much as anyone and I am so grateful, and it couldn’t have been done without you.

Keep your ideas and questions and comments coming, and please consider lending your support.

I guess the next logical question is, how long am I going to do this? Will we be back here in another year with episode 312? The answer is truthfully, that I don’t know.

What I do know is that for now at least, I’m still going. I suspect that as long as there is evidence that we are having a positive impact on the world, as long as I keep getting letters telling me about the difference we have made, that I will continue.

Now lets head out into the big world, as a community of men dedicated to the principle of perpetual improvement in all areas of our life. Lets be examples for other men to follow. Just like I’m sharing this journey with you, you can also share your journey with other men you know. Together, by all of us individually becoming the best man we can be, we will have an impact on the world. And it all comes down to being a better man today, than we were yesterday.

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155 – Dead Weight

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 18 Jan 2017 08:05:45 -0500

DEAD WEIGHT…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Dead Weight.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Dead Weight, is a story of friendship and about the importance of never taking anyone or anything for granted. It doesn’t cast me in the best light, in this story, I am the dead weight.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes. Your feedback and input is greatly appreciated.

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154 – The Unwanted Photos Of Richard

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 08:05:18 -0500

The Unwanted Photos Of Richard…

Last Friday’s episode 153, was titled The Red Pill Question, I encourage you to listen to it if you haven’t because today’s episode is kind of a follow up on that one. Apparently I wasn’t done talking about this stuff…although, I wish I were.

That episode, number 153 was inspired by a link to an article my wife sent me. Today’s article is also inspired by an article my wife sent me.

I’ll be honest with you…I did not want to talk about this topic today. It’s unsavory, disgusting, and kind of gross. My wife was very persuasive though. She made me understand that it is actually important enough, and pervasive enough, to warrant it’s own episode.

A lot of men might not know that this is even an issue, because we are not the targets of this behavior. Sadly, it is men who are the perpetrators of this.

What I am talking about, is when men send completely unsolicited pictures of their penis’ to unsuspecting women. These pictures are commonly referred to as “Dick Pics”.

I know, I know…look, I really understand. The last thing you want to hear about on your way to work is dick pics. Believe me, it’s the last thing I want to talk about too. Here’s the deal though, if we are not part of the solution we may be part of the problem.

My wife pointed out that almost every woman she knows, including herself, has received these unwanted pictures at one time or another. She said when a woman receives one of these, that it wrecks her day. It’s creepy, it’s an invasion, a violation, it’s just plain gross.

She went on to calculate that this means about half of the population is getting their day wrecked…by men, and that is really not OK guys.

The article she sent me is called “I didn’t Ask For This” it featured a woman who decided to make a museum exhibit of unwanted dick pics. She has over 200 of them now. Here is a link to that article, don’t worry…you can’t really see anything in the article pictures. http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/D_P_ART

Hey if we are the good guys, if we are being better men than we were yesterday, we can’t be doing this. We have an obligation in fact to be against it. It’s part of our duty as men to help ensure the safety and security of those around us.

Imagine your sister or some other woman you care about. She’s online at a dating site or somewhere innocent that has nothing to do with dating. She starts talking to a guy about something and the next things she knows…BAM, there is a one eyed monster staring at her.

She probably deletes it right away, but she can’t un-see it. It makes her wonder if she did anything to bring that on, she feels kind of dirty, and her opinion of the entire male gender drops down a couple notches.

At first, it was hard for me to believe that this is happening on the scale it is, because I would never think of assuming anyone would want to see that unless I was already in a relationship with them, or if it was heading that way and a request was made. But sadly, it looks like this is happening way more than I had imagined.

If you don’t believe me do your own research. Start surveying all the women you know and ask them if it has ever happened to them.

Obviously…if you want to be a better man, don’t be this guy. However, statistically speaking, the numbers would indicate that a lot of guys listening to this program right now have been guilty of this behavior. That’s why I’m talking about it.

Why do some guys think this is ok? In the article the woman being interviewed thought it was just pure harassment, like cat-calling. She said it was just a way for a guy to exert control and domination over someone else by forcing them to look at his junk.

While I’m sure that may be part of it, I tend to also think that a lot of guys just don’t realize how disgusting it is to women. Because our brain chemistries are slightly different.

If a woman sends us a body part picture out of the blue a lot of guys might think it’s pretty awesome. We might think it’s beautiful, we might feel flattered and interested or aroused.

So, naturally, it stands to reason that women would feel the same way when receiving such a picture, right?. The thing is…they don’t. Instead they feel violated.

Some guys tend to think that what they are packing is really special somehow…like when a woman looks at it she’ll be smitten, enchanted, turned on. She’ll want to know more, she may even want to see the face lurking behind that phallic masterpiece. Guy’s who think this could not be farther from the truth.

The anonymous nature of the internet has brought about some of the worst behavior in humans. We can say and do things with no identity, no consequence whatsoever. But, just because we can…doesn’t mean we should.

The woman in the article also stated that a reason this is happening is because none of these men have ever been confronted. They have not suffered any consequence. No one has ever told them it is wrong and therefore, they just do it because they can.

That’s the part that got me. OK, if no one ever told you it was wrong and your weren’t able to figure it out on your own for some reason…OK. That ends now though, because I’m telling you in no uncertain terms…don’t send unsolicited dick pics to people.

I apologize to those of you who would never think of doing this, it’s still important to know it’s going on though because you have loved ones who may be affected by this.

I encourage all of you to be a vocal advocate against this kind of behavior…it makes us all look bad.

Now head out into the world and treat the world and the people in it with care. Be a better man today than you were yesterday.

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153 – The Red Pill Question

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 13 Jan 2017 08:05:34 -0500

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THE RED PILL QUESTION…

Alright…today’s topic is kind of a large, complicated one, it has many layers but I’m going to narrow it down as much as I can.

Before I do that, I’m going to take a minute and acknowledge the sponsor of todays program. Stump Town Kilts. I know for a fact that there are many, many men out there who have always wanted to wear a kilt, but, for whatever reason you have not pulled the trigger.

Hey, if you want to wear a kilt, what is stopping you? Now is the time, today, and I am going to make it easy for you.

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My wife sent me a link to an article about “Red pillers”. What are Red-pillers you ask? Good question. Basically, there is a community of men who claim to have taken the red pill, like in the movie “The matrix”. They claim to have disconnected from modern societal ideals about what men are, what they should be, and what their roles and functions in society are. They claim to focus on self improvement, and they loudly complain about all the injustices that men have to endure in these modern times. It is a community that is growing quickly, and that is why I’m talking about it. Red pill, red pill, red pill.

It doesn’t sound that bad on the surface I guess. I mean…I’m all for self improvement and I’m against injustice of any kind. However, upon closer inspection of this red pill community my opinion of it quickly changes.

I don’t want to come off as overcritical. It’s possible to be wrong about something without automatically being a stupid person. Humans are always getting caught up in things that speak to some pain they have, but are fundamentally misguided. So this is my objective opinion.

As I explore this red pill philosophy, I look at it both up close and then I stand back a ways and look at it from a larger view. What I really can’t help but notice, is that it all boils down to sex…or a lack thereof.

It seems that this philosophy was born out of sexual frustration. Men who, for whatever reason, are having a really hard time with relationships, or any intimate connections.

Many of them have read books, they have done everything the pick-up guru’s have told them and still…they are striking out. Rather than own their failure in this area they look for someone to blame. So, they blame society, their upbringing, and the justice system, but mostly they seem to blame women.

I read a post by one guy who was frustrated because, in his words, “His sexual market value was very high” and he still could not attract the perfect height/weight proportionate, funny, intelligent, beautiful woman that he wanted. He just can’t figure it out.

Could it be that he is looking at women in the same way someone would think about the ideal car they want, rather than as a fellow human being? Is it also possible then, that this attitude would make him come off like a giant douche bag to women, instead of someone with a high sexual market value? I think so.

This red pill philosophy seems to be mostly the domain of younger men. Men in their 20’s and perhaps 30’s, so if you are in that age bracket be especially aware.

If anyone disagrees with my opinions here I would love to hear about it, just write me a letter and I’ll hear what you have to say. In the meantime I’ll continue to break this down.

When I look at this I see guy’s who are having a hard time. They are frustrated, lonely, sad and angry. They try to do what the “experts” say and it still doesn’t work.

Many of these men have been conditioned by a lifestyle of instant gratification. In video games they can power-up, and instantly increase their abilities. If they want to see a beautiful woman with no clothes, just go to your favorite porn website. They aren’t used to waiting for results. They think if they get buff at the gym, or get a better job, or change their look a bit that they have powered-up, and will magically become more attractive to women. When they continue to be shunned…they blame the women, of course.

One major flaw in this philosophy was highlighted by a comment I read, submitted by a red piller. I don’t remember it verbatim, but basically is said that if you focus on self improvement you will attract higher quality women.

When I read that, it became immediately evident to me that the message here on Being A Better Man is exactly opposite to that.

Here we talk about improving ourselves for the sake of improvement, for the actual purpose of Being A Better Man, for no other purpose than to get as close as you can to your full potential as a human before you die. see the big difference there?

Of course, I believe if you are being the best man you can that it will have a positive effect in all areas of your life, including romance…but that cannot be the motivation, because it doesn’t work that way.

It’s kind of like the difference between someone who wants to lose 15 pounds of fat because summer is coming and they want to look good at the beach, vs someone who wants to lose 15 pounds of fat because they will be healthier, live longer, be able to do more and have a happier life.

The objectives are the same, but the motivations are radically different, and it’s the motivations that will determine the long term results in my opinion.

In the red pill culture it seems that everything is always someone else’ fault. There is a lot of whining, excuse making, blaming and ranting all focused at the world at large, rather then on themselves. These men, in my opinion, have become victims…and now they are focusing on their victimhood. And remember what I always say…the things you focus on, expand. They are expanding their victim status, instead of diminishing it.

There is a good chance I might have a few red pillers listening right now. They are hearing what I’m saying, but it makes them wonder what they are supposed to do about it. They want a remedy. Here’s what I have to say to them.

I often use the animal kingdom as an example to illustrate points about human beings. Because we are part of the animal kingdom, like it or not. Animals make it easy to understand because they aren’t packing around all the baggage that humans are…it simplifies things a bit.

In nature, which I will remind you that we are a part of, males seldom choose their mate. Look at the plumage of male birds. Observe the way bull Elk’s fight. Notice how the biggest, strongest, smartest, prettiest, or healthiest male animals display their genetic advantages.

While they are doing that, the females are watching. If the female see’s something that will be a benefit to future generations then she will make a choice. Life goes on, and if she chose well the species will move forward, having been improved.

If some condition changes and females stop choosing for a certain trait, then the behavior of the courting males will change accordingly. This part of life is really all up to the females. That is neither good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just the way it is.

Now lets look at humans. In the past 100 years women have come a long way. They have gone from being property and possessions, to becoming actual powerful human beings in their own right. They have careers and education and opinions and rights, just like men have always had.

That is a change in condition brought on by societal evolution. In nature, when a condition changes the males would need to alter their approach accordingly. Many human males, have not done that.

As women elevate their position in the world, as they climb the ladder of existence, some men stand on the ground looking up at them…wondering why that woman doesn’t find him attractive. Weird…but she seems to be attracted to the man on the ladder next to her who is at the same level she is.

I think a lot of these red pill guys are that guy, standing on the ground complaining and whining instead of just climbing the ladder themselves.

That is why, on this podcast I hardly ever talk about love life and sex and women. Because if I did I would be talking out of order. As a human, I want the best for our species, that means I really don’t want women settling for men who don’t deserve them. Men who aren’t willing or motivated to be the best man they can.

We also have to accept who we are. We can’t all be George Cloony, we can’t all be a super athlete or a millionaire…it’s not realistic. We cannot all date super models, it’s not going to happen. What we can do is all try to be the best we can as individuals.

I never could run very fast, I make up for that by being stronger than average. I’m kind of funny looking…I make up for that with my sense of humor…Not rich man am I…I made up for that with confidence and authenticity. We all have to acknowledge our faults and expand our virtues.

Look, if a man is truly doing his best…what more can he do? Nothing. If you are really committed to being a better man today than you were yesterday, and keep doing that every day, you will gradually become the best man that you personally can. If you do that, then every area of your life will improve to the highest level possible. Beyond that, everything else is a fantasy.

It all starts with being a better man…for the sake of being a better man.

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152 – The Secret Project

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 11 Jan 2017 08:05:58 -0500

The Secret Project…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Secret Project.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called  The Secret Project, is probably not what you expect. It’s a very unique story for sure, but one that I got a lot out of, and I hope you do too…even if its just a good laugh.

As usual, I would love to hear your feedback on this, or any of the other episodes.

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151 – The Super Power We All Possess

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 09 Jan 2017 08:05:50 -0500

The Super Power We All Possess…

I’m not sure where I’m going with today’s episode to be honest with you. All I know is that I have been thinking lately about certain things, trying to come up with answers.

Remember, I didn’t start this podcast because I had all the answers. I started it to invite others to travel my journey with me; the journey of being a better man today than I was yesterday. So some of these answers and questions we may have to just talk about and come up with the answers together.

Lately I have been thinking about the necessity for this show. This show obviously attracts a fair number of listeners, people like yourself, who want to be better men. So it would seem that I am not alone, that my quest to be a better man every day is shared by others.

My question about that is; why? Why wouldn’t we naturally default to being better in the first place? Shouldn’t daily improvement written into our DNA? Why is this podcast necessary?

The very fact that there are a minority of people like me and you who are making an intellectual decision to over ride our natural inclinations and become better men everyday, says something about our species.

There are probably a thousand different ways to look at this, but what it says to me right in this moment, is that our human species is extraordinary, and rare in nature.

As men, we are not confined to a set pattern of behavior and responses to external stimuli. As men, we have an ability that is rare in the universe; we can change by the force of our will alone. We can change for the better or for the worse, or into whatever we desire, just because we are human.

When I step back and look at the big picture of the universe and humanities tiny role in it, this fact becomes fascinating to me. We are just one organism among millions, and we alone possess this incredible ability; to alter ourselves and our environment by the directed force of our will.

The fact that the vast majority of humanity have not realized this yet is irrelevant, it doesn’t change the fact that we humans possess this power.

Of the 7 billion people on the planet many are in a struggle to survive, their will power is spent finding something to eat. Many others have been beat into submission and subordination by the by the systems they are a part of. Others are enslaved by the corporate and economic domination of every aspect of their lives, and the rest of them…have not yet realized they have this power. Sometimes not knowing, is equal to not having.

With great knowledge comes great responsibility. It is nearly impossible to un-know something once you have learned it. You and I and other people who have realized the power of our intellect and will are in the minority, but the fact that we exist gives me hope for all the rest, because what one man can do, another can do.

In talking this out I have answered my question. The necessity of this show is obvious to me now. This podcast is one of the places where people can come and receive the knowledge that they have the power to change their own life.

Like I said, once you know it you can’t un-know it. This knowledge begins to eliminate excuses and empower people with the responsibility of their own improvement.

Each one of you listening that are on this path then become an example for other people…and that’s how it spreads. We are all like little light houses on a darkened coast line. People will gravitate to your light, and when they do, you become an example, a way they can learn for themselves of the amazing power of their own will, simply because they see you live that way.

It is not my intention to freak any body out. Or to make you feel responsible for everyone else, I’m not suggesting that you begin evangelizing and preaching to everyone you meet telling them to be better people.

All I’m suggesting is that you keep living well. Be true to yourself and your convictions and stay committed to the mission of being a better man every day than you were the day before. Keep doing that, stay committed to improving every aspect of your life and you will have an impact on those around you without even trying.

By virtue of their proximity to you and your life many will notice the difference, and want to emulate you. They will receive the knowledge of their own power simply by watching you live in yours.

A fire doesn’t warm a room all at once. The heat radiates outward gradually from the fire, that’s how it works. We are the fire.

At times it may be discouraging; going through the world and seeing all the people who don’t seem to care about being better people, not to mention the ones who seem to choose intentionally, to be bad people.

That’s why it’s so important to stay focused on yourself, and your responsibility to yourself. If you become discouraged by the rest of the world it’s because that is where you are focused…instead focus on yourself and the things within your power to change. The things you focus on are the things that will expand.

OK guys, thanks for listening. I know I got a little abstract today but sometimes it’s important to talk about this stuff to keep it all in perspective.

Now head out into the world being the author of your own life story. You have the knowledge, you have the power and will and intellect to do and be whatever and however you decide to be. Be true to yourself, and don’t stop looking for opportunities to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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150 – When A Man Gets Too Cocky

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 06 Jan 2017 08:05:10 -0500

Before I get into today’s topic I am going to take a minute to talk about Stumptown Kilts. They are the sponsor for today’s program. They are helping to make it possible to bring you these Friday episodes.

I am happy and proud to be able to share Stumptown Kilts with you, because these are the same kilts I wear every day, I have three of them, and I firmly believe they are the best, most well designed kilts available today.

One cool thing about them that I really love, is that they are adjustable by 5 or 6 sizes. Trust me, that’s a big deal. I had this other kilt one time and if I gained or lost just a little weight then I couldn’t wear it, it sucked. Stump town kilts gives you the freedom to expand or contract without losing a beat.

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Today I want to talk about something that happened to me very recently…today actually. Without going into great detail…I was performing a skilled task in a professional setting. It was a task I had performed flawlessly many times before and it was something that came easily to me.

I was asked to demonstrate this task for some other people that were learning how to do it, and I happily obliged. Problem was…when I went to do it I totally screwed it up the first time. I was shocked and dumbfounded! How did this happen?

It was embarrassing, but I quickly regained composure and then I executed the task flawlessly three more times. When I was asked later what happened I thought about it for a minute and then replied as honestly as I could.

“I got cocky” was my response, and it was the truth…I had gained so much confidence with this task that I began to underestimate it. Then I stopped focusing on it, I acted as though all I had to do was show up and the task would perform itself. That is what happens when you get cocky.

I’m not sure if the word “cocky” is used in other english speaking countries, but there has to be a word for it in every language. It happens when you get just a little too full of yourself. When you start thinking you are better at something than anyone else, better than you really are. When you feel you no longer have to apply yourself.

Being cocky almost always ends in embarrassment, because it almost always happens when other people are watching, like it did with me today. Often times it happens precisely when you are showing off.

When I was younger it might have flustered me, I would have gotten all angry at myself, but I have learned to give things no more weight than they actually deserve. I just told everybody what happened, that I had gotten cocky, and joined them in having a laugh at my expense. No big deal.

Actually, I was happy it happened during a demonstration and not in a real scenario. It was a great reminder, it humbled me a bit and caused me to remember how important it is not to lose focus on the things I’m doing. It presented me with an opportunity to improve myself a bit, by reminding me that everything worth doing, is worth doing well.

It’s fine to know that you are good at something. I encourage men to feel proud about the things they do well, there isn’t anything wrong with that, that in itself is not being cocky. However…it’s one thing to feel good in that knowledge, to know it and feel satisfied about it, and quite another thing to make sure everybody else knows it by bragging about your abilities whenever you get the chance.

It’s a thin line between the two, and one that men too often stumble over, like I did today. There is something, an additional quality you can develop that will help temper your pride just enough, and keep you from becoming an arrogant jerk who brags and boasts until the moment you fail, and then you are embarrassed.

That additional quality I’m talking about is humility. The ability to be humble. Humility is born out of the knowledge that we are just men, like everyone else. We put our pants on the same way as everyone else does. We pee, we crap, we get sick sometimes and we have some built in flaws. Mostly it’s an awareness that we are not better or worse than anyone else. We just are what and who we are…period.

Here is the tricky part though guys. Nature abhors a vacuum, and it also seeks balance. Too much humility is just as bad as not enough. Being too humble will make you a doormat for the rest of the world, while not enough makes you someone nobody can stand to be around.

It’s up to each of us individually to find that balance for ourselves. There isn’t any magic formula for it. There are books you can read that will give you suggestions, guru’s who can try and lead you to more self enlightenment, but the bottom line is that it’s work you have to do.

It’s experiential. It comes to you after a lifetime of trial and error, deciding what works and what doesn’t. learning from your mistakes and making improvements.

The key to it all though, is being aware. If you don’t know what you are looking for then you will never find it, and that is the purpose of this episode; to make you aware of this type of balance with humility and pride…so that you can seek it on your own terms, if you choose to.

Now head out into the world and remember that everything worth doing is worth doing well. Try not to be too cocky. The moment you think you are immune to failure, is when failure will creep in. Stay focused on everything you do, take nothing for granted, and temper your pride with a dash of quiet humility and you will be on your way to being a better man today than you were yesterday.

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149 – What Matters Most…a life changing story

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 04 Jan 2017 08:05:54 -0500

WHAT MATTERS MOST…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; What Matters Most.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called What Matters Most, is about a terrifying time when I almost lost everything. It served to set some priorities in my life that have served me well ever since. I think there is something here for everyone to learn. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, or hear your own experiences when you learned these lessons..

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148 – Letting Yourself Down…excuses, excuses

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 02 Jan 2017 08:05:11 -0500

LETTING YOURSELF DOWN…

This is the first episode of 2017. January 2nd, 2017. Thank you for being here with me today.

Since New Years just passed I am going to take this opportunity to talk about something that is relevant to this holiday. That is…the different ways that we make excuses for our behavior.

If you have been listening for any length of time, you know how I feel about excuses; they don’t exist, they are invalid 100% of the time. With that in mind, I want to talk about a particular type of excuse that often goes unnoticed, and is often repeated over and over as well.

In America where I live, there are certain holidays that come with built in excuses. New Years is one of them. On New Years Eve there is a tradition of drinking way too much alcohol. I’m quite certain many of you listening today are still recovering from your New Year celebration.

Some other American holidays that provide this excuse are St. Patricks Day in March, and 4th of July to name a couple. I’m sure in other cultures around the world there are similar holidays that provide the participants with a pass to act in ways they would not otherwise.

Please keep in mind, I am not being critical or accusatory here. I have been guilty of this myself more times than I can count. I am not telling anyone that they shouldn’t drink or that they shouldn’t get drunk. I’m not telling anyone how to behave or how to have fun…and these behaviors are not the real issue.

The issue, as I see it, is not the behavior itself but rather the fact that we will so readily abandon our own individual convictions with the slightest provocation…like what day it is.

Back in episode 141 I talked about mental toughness, if you haven’t listened to it, check it out. In that episode I talk about each of us setting our own standards of behavior as men.

Deciding for yourself what is acceptable and what is not, and then employing mental toughness as a means to adhere to your own rules. These are not rules imposed on you by anyone else, these are your own rules that you have decided for yourself.

I followed that up in episode 142 when I talked about being true to yourself. Being true to your own convictions.

That is the real issue with these holidays. Too easily, we abandon our own set of standards and the excuse is;…it was New Years, or whatever other external event is happening.

For a specific example of what I’m talking about, lets say there is a guy named Fred. Fred has determined through past experience that he should not drink past a certain point, because then he starts making a fool of himself, saying and doing things he regrets, things he cannot undo.

Fred arrived at this conclusion for good reasons and most of the time he is being true to himself, managing his behaviors in accordance with what he decided as a man.

But then his birthday comes, or New Years, or 4th of July, or ground hog day, or whatever…and in the moment Fred subconsciously removes all impediments to his behavior. All the things he decided suddenly no longer apply and the excuse is that it is whatever day.

The next day Fred has to start all over. He has to re-commit to himself, he has to make apologetic phone calls…if he even remembers what he did. Fred feels like crap physically and emotionally because he knows he let himself down. It doesn’t have to go this way guys.

I’m using alcohol as an example because it is a common one, but there are many behaviors we excuse ourselves from depending on the holiday.

Lets say there is a guy named Sam. Sam has a weight problem, and way back in spring Sam determined that he was not living as his best self, he decided to do something about it and one of the things he decided was that he was not going to eat crap that wasn’t good for him. No pastries, cookies, cakes or pies. No Soda and no junk food.

Sam was a rock star all summer, he didn’t touch any of that stuff and he is looking and feeling better than he has in years. Then Christmas comes…he goes to his grandma’s house where every sugary evil in the universe is laid out in front of him. All of his fat relatives are diving in, making it all look so delicious.

Sam has a twinge of conviction, for a fleeting second he remembers the oaths he made to himself, and then he says…”Oh it’s ok, it’s Christmas after all.” And he joins his relatives at the trough of lard making delicacies.

The next day Sam feels like crap. His stomach is upset but mostly he is disgusted with himself because he let himself down. Sam spends the next month working extra hard trying to recover the ground he lost.

For both Fred and Sam it isn’t the end of the world, they can recover from their lapse of judgement…but not without something being diminished.

In each case they used a day on a calendar to make an excuse to behave in a way they regretted. In each case they let themselves down.

You know how you feel when a friend lets you down? It feels crummy, and even if you forgive your friend, it has still lessened your respect for them just a bit. You may have less confidence in them and you know you can’t rely on them 100%.

The same things happen when we let ourselves down, except instead of feeling that way about someone else, we feel that way about ourself. The more it happens, the more it erodes our self respect and confidence, and the longer that goes on the harder it is to turn it all around. This is the issue…this is the danger of allowing any excuses to alter your own convictions.

One tip that might help you not give into these excuses is to consider all of them before hand. When you decide not to eat crap you have to include Christmas into that equation. When you decide to to make a drunken fool of yourself you have to factor in New Years and any other occasion that might throw you off track. Deal with these things prior and you will have more success.

Guilt is a negative, unproductive emotion. I’m not saying any of this to make anyone feel guilty. I’m saying this to encourage everyone to just knuckle down and get real with yourself. When you screw up just let it go, re-commit to the things that matter and keep moving forward becoming the man you want to be.

That’s it for today guys. Now head out into 2017 armed with the knowledge that it’s all up to you. You decide who you want to be and how you want to be, and then you hold yourself accountable to these decisions. You might fail from time to time, and when you do don’t wallow in it…instead learn from it and move forward, being a better man today than you were yesterday.

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147 – The Power Of Today

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 30 Dec 2016 08:05:02 -0500

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THE POWER OF TODAY…

Hey every body, Welcome to Friday, and welcome to the last Being a better man episode of 2016.

Yes, today is the last episode of 2016. I personally am happy to welcome in the new year. 2016 was ok, but I’m always excited about what lays ahead…the future.

In January of 2016, almost a year ago, I started this podcast…146 episodes ago. There was a lot of crazy stuff that happened in the world this past year, stuff that I never expected. I am sure that 2017 will have its share of crazy stuff as well.

Thats kind of how life goes…there is always something dramatic happening. Peoples individual lives go through changes, relationships end and new relationships begin. People die, and new ones are born. Life keeps marching along regardless of what anyone does, it is an unstoppable force.

For some reason we humans try to make sense of it all by putting time in boxes. We separate the years, months weeks, and even the hours of the day. We give everything a name or a number. Then, once we have time all separated, we assign our own thoughts and feelings to it.

Some people will look at the end of 2016 as a great thing, they will see 2017 as a chance for something great to happen, like a painter standing before a blank canvass. The new year gives them hope that things will be better.

Other people look at the coming year with dread and fear. The uncertainty of an entirely unknown year coming, makes them nervous.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with how people perceive time, it’s what helps us understand the world we live in. Dates also give us great reference points for things that happened in the past like birthdays and anniversaries.

However, I do think it’s important to not let this system run you. The year 2017 is nothing more than a collection of individual days exactly like 2016 was. There is a reason I am always saying to be a better man today than you were yesterday…instead of be a better man this year than you were last year.

A day is a manageable chunk of time. 2017 has not happened yet…it is still an imaginary place that doesn’t exist. Likewise, 2016 is all but gone, it’s over, it is part of history that will never happen again. But today is real. Today, right now in the moment you are living is the only real moment of time that you have access to.

We can’t change the way the world perceives time, but…by changing our own perspective just a bit we can learn to use time to our best advantage.

We can’t change anything that happened in the past year, but we can learn from everything that happened. 2016 may be gone, but it doesn’t have to be wasted. Ask Yourself what worked and what didn’t work? What lessons did you learn? What opportunities were missed? This is all very useful data that you can use today…right now, in this fleeting moment that you are alive in. Now is your chance, your only chance to make use of this information.

The same is true of 2017. It hasn’t happened yet, it is completely unknown, but If you decide not how you would like 2017 to go, but rather, how you will make it go, then you may be able to take an active role in creating that reality. How? by taking action in this moment that you are alive.

I cannot over state the truth and power of today. Today is the only chance you have, right now, this minute, of having any effect on the future that has not happened yet.

Many people are victims of time. They lament and grieve about the past, and they wait for the future to happen to them without taking an active role in it.

That is a choice you can definitely make, you can sit back and just let life happen to you. You can rejoice when it goes well and complain when things don’t go your way. I think that is a poor choice though. I don’t think that is a choice you can make if you actually want to be a better man.

What I’m saying is that it is silly to worry about things that have not happened. Don’t worry about 2017 because that is a waste of your time. Instead, realize that each day you are alive is an opportunity to create the reality you want. Realize that you have a say in how the next year goes, and the way to do that is by living each day with intention and purpose. Don’t let life happen to you…you, should happen to life.

That is why I encourage people to focus on being a better man today, than they were yesterday, because today is our only shot, it’s the only thing thats real.

So, if you learn everything you can from the past, and focus on each day, hour, and minute you are living in, then you will be taking an active role in your own future. Every day you do that you aren’t only improving yourself…you are improving your own future, and indirectly the future of all the other people in your life. If you do that, 2017 will take care of itself. It will be the best year it can be, if you are being the best man you can be, each day.

Hey if this is a new concept for you, a new idea that you aren’t sure how to implement…I’m here to help, really. Just go to the CONTACT ALF menu tab up above, and write me a letter, let me know what you are struggling with and I’ll help you figure it out.

That’s all I have for today guys. think it over, consider your perspective of time and make it work to your best advantage.

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146 – Once Upon A Time, There Was A Man

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 28 Dec 2016 08:05:30 -0500

Once Upon A Time, There Was A Man…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Once Upon A Time, There Was A Man.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Once Upon A Time, There Was A Man, is a very personal story about an actual man. More than that…this story illustrates the awesome impact we can have in the world, as men. It can be an easy thing to take for granted. We’re just going through our lives doing the best we can and we can forget how profoundly the actions and decisions we make impact the people we care about. This story is a reminder.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

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145 – Friends Who Hold You Back

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 26 Dec 2016 08:05:47 -0500

Today’s episode is inspired by one of you…a listener. This listener is named Rich, and he has written to me before. I was really happy when I read Rich’s letter because he posed a very relevant question.

Rich has been listening for awhile now, he has been on the path of actually being a better man today than he was yesterday…and his question is; what do you do with your friends that seem to have zero interest in improving?

I was so happy that Rich asked this question, because it is an inevitable one. Rich probably never even noticed these friends of his were not interested in improving themselves until he started improving. But, once you start to take action, once you start the process of becoming a better man, then these other guys will become obvious to you.

So now, there Rich is, being a better man and he has these friends who just don’t get it. They obviously have not been listening to this podcast, and they are content to just drift along in life…becoming no better than they were the day before. So, Rich wants to know what to do with these guys, and it’s a great question.

You have probably all heard the saying by now that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If you have not heard that…you are hearing it now. It’s true…we are the sum total of the five people we spend the most time with. I was resistant to this idea at first, but I have come to agree with it.

So how that works, is if you assign a number to everyone, a number from 1 to 10. One is they are a complete loser, absolutely nothing going on in any capacity, and ten is they are a dynamic individual with great tons of potential and possibility. Everyone you know becomes a number on this scale.

Now take the five people you spend the most time with. For example lets say there is a 2, a 3, a 4, a 6 and one 8. add those up and it equals 23. 23 divided by 5 = 4.6, that’s the average. That means that if these are the five people you spend the most time with that you equal a 4.6. On a scale of 1 to 10 that isn’t even average.

It sounds kind of harsh, but it’s really true. If you want to be a millionaire then hang out with millionaires. If you want to be a great auto mechanic…then you need to spend time with accomplished auto mechanics. If you want to be a better man, then it would serve you well to find the best men you can, men that you respect and admire, and hang out with them.

At the very least, find other men that are committed to improving themselves. It may not be that easy, we are a rare breed these days, but those guys are out there.

It may sound like I’m going to tell Rich to get rid of all his friends immediately…but I’m not. I will advise Rich to stop spending much time with them though.

I don’t believe in just cutting people out of your life without a word. They are your friends after all…that means you are their friend too, and friends don’t just eliminate people.

However, that doesn’t mean you are obligated to spend excess time with them. personally, I would just be straight with them.

If it was me I would tell them;

“Hey Joe, as you know I have become committed to really improving myself. I’m trying to be a better man every day and correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you are not interested in that. We have been friends a long time and I value our friendship, if you ever need anything please call me…but I want you to know I’m not going to be available on a regular basis, because I’m searching for other people like me who are committed to improvement.”

If you tell your friend Joe that, he may become offended. He might tell you to piss off. Or, if there is any hope for Joe he might realize that you are serious, that you are onto something, and decide to finally join you in your commitment to improvement. Either way, it now becomes Joe’s problem, you have put the ball in his court. You have done the honorable thing, you have been straight and honest so your conscience is clean.

If your friend makes the decision to eliminate himself from your circle, great. It’s possible you could lose all of your current friends like this because people do not appreciate their inadequacies to be illuminated. For some reason people like other people to suffer with them. That is the same reason why it is so important who we spend our time with. Because it’s natural for people to try and pull you down to their level, so that they don’t have to feel as bad about where they are in life.

In the past I have been in this situation and I thought that I could be a good influence, and I was to a degree, but we are all subject to the law of osmosis. If we surround ourselves with lesser men than us, then we will gradually become lesser ourselves. I had to learn that lesson the hard way, I hope you don’t.

For some of you, you may have family members among the five people you spend the most time with, and you are wondering how that works in this formula. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose our family. It’s often more difficult to spend less time with family members, especially if we live with them. The same rules apply though, if your family members are not interested in improving, find a way to spend less time with them, for your own sake.

Life is kind of like one big massive game of chess. When I first learned how to play chess the only person I had to play with was my dad. He was obviously much better than me, and I lost the first few hundred games we played. Constantly losing was frustrating…but it was the only way I could improve my own game. I did improve, I kept getting better until I ultimately beat him.

That’s how it works. We must be challenged, we must have something to strive for otherwise we will atrophy and succumb to mediocrity.

Thanks again Rich for bringing this question to the forefront. If any of you have a question or idea like Rich did, then just click on CONTACT ALF in the menu bar above, and write me a letter.

While you are here at the website, you can check out the manly resource center, our sponsors and affiliates, and if you would like to support this show click on our Patreon link and become a Patron. It’s easy and you totally control the extent of your contribution.

Hey another thing I haven’t mentioned in a while is, if you have not done it yet, head over to iTunes and leave a rating and review for the show. More ratings and reviews really help make the program more visible to more people. So thanks for doing that.

Alright guys, now head out into the big world and remember that you are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with. You have the right to discriminate and choose who you spend that time with. You may feel an obligation to some of these people…but remember your highest obligation is to yourself, your family, and the people that you will influence by your life and example. With that in mind, you see how important it is that you are a better man today, than you were yesterday…and then, keep doing that.

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144 – Value Of Community

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 08:05:18 -0500

VALUE OF COMMUNITY…

I have been thinking a lot lately about the importance of community, and the relevance of community to men specifically…and even more specifically, to men who want to be better men.

Before I get into that I am going to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s episode. Stump town Kilts. They cater to a specific community of men…the men who wear kilts, or men who have always wanted to.

These are the same kilts I wear every day and I believe they are the best designed, most innovative, and most durable kilts on the market.

They are 65% polyester and 35% cotton twill blend, making them super durable and functional for every day use, and fancy enough to wear out on the town and be noticed. It also makes them machine wash and wear…no ironing required.

Right now you can get 10% off your on-line purchase by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman at checkout. This offer is available exclusively for you, the listeners of Being a Better man, check them out today at stumptownkilts.com.

OK, back to our discussion about communities. There are all kinds of animals on our planet. There are herding animals like cows and sheep, there are animals that stick to family pods like whales, there are animals who survive in pairs, and there are solitary animals, like polar bears.

I believe human beings are community animals. I think we are designed to thrive best in a community setting. Some people would say we are tribal animals…I don’t disagree with that, but I think of a tribe as a larger thing, as a collection of like-minded communities.

For the purposes of this discussion I am defining “community” as any group of people that you commune with and feel a part of.

In the old days a community was also reliant on geography. You could not commune with people you were not in proximity to. Nowadays, it’s possible to be a member of a global community as well.

It’s all semantics though. Regardless of how we define community or tribe, the fact remains that human beings tend to be at their best when operating as a member of a larger group. I think the reason we evolved this way is because it ensured our survival and reproduction.

A lone man in the wilderness didn’t have much of a chance against predators, the elements, or other people who would try to take his resources. A lone man, eventually, was a dead man.

Nowadays, the need for community is not as evident. In these easy times we live in a lone man can live, or at least exist, without the resources of a community. It is possible for a man to live in a city, have a job and a house, and go shopping for food while at the same time being totally isolated from others, having very little interaction and live a solitary lifestyle.

In my opinion a man like this is living a shallow life. He is only existing, he is not thriving, and he is giving up some of the best of what it means to be a man in the first place. For whatever reason, he is living in a way that is contrary, and not complimentary to his human nature. I’ll explain what I mean.

One of the things a community provides to a man, is opportunity. Opportunity to be the best man that he can.

What good is it to be a great guy, if you have no one around you to be great for?

What good is it to have knowledge, if you have no one to share it with, that knowledge will die with you.

How can a man learn to be a leader if there is no one around to lead?

What is the point of humor if there is no one to laugh? What is the point of having strength if there is no one to share it with, to help, to protect?

I contend that by himself, a man can achieve only a certain hight of existence. By yourself you run into a ceiling of improvement, and you can improve no further beyond that point. The presence of a community of other people however, is like a ladder extended into your life that allows you to climb higher as a person, than you could have otherwise.

It allows you to expand beyond yourself, it increases your potential. It actually increase the number of opportunities you have to be a better man.

I’m talking about this today because I want to encourage people to make the most of their communities. Think about the communities you may already be a part of, and ask yourself if you are taking advantage of all the opportunities there. How are you adding value to the group? What benefits are you receiving? Are you helping, teaching, and contributing as much as you can, or could you do more?

Ask yourself how you can use this community to improve as a person and as a man. How can this community help you learn and grow and become better? If there isn’t an answer to that question…you may be in the wrong community. Go find a different one. After all, not all communities are good, they can be destructive as well and it’s important to discern the difference.

If you are not currently a member of a community then you should either find one, or create one. Communities can be created around a wide number of things. Any hobby or interest. Political or religious affiliations…any civic causes or charities, beliefs or opinions are enough to bring people together and form a community. A community can also be a group of friends who like each other.

There are many resources for finding communities these days. meetup.com is one of them, all sorts of communities are there waiting for new members to join them. You can find one there, or start one of your own.

If you are listening to this then you are part of this community; a group of men who want to be better than they were yesterday. Even though you don’t know each other and may not interact directly, this is still a type of community. Members of this community are here because they get something out of it, and they contribute by sending me their ideas and questions or by direct donation. And you can interact with others and myself on the Facebook page as well.

As you head out into this weekend give some thought to the communities you are a part of. Consider what you can do better, how you can contribute your talents, time and resources for the good of the whole. Look for opportunities within your community to be a better man today than you were yesterday…focus on that, and that is what you will become.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

PATREON

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143 – The Unforgettable Beer

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 21 Dec 2016 08:05:54 -0500

THE UNFORGETTABLE BEER…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Unforgettable Beer.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Unforgettable Beer, was a pivotal point in my life and one that I hope everyone can relate with.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

PATREON

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AUDIBLE

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142 – The Habit Of knowing Yourself

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 08:05:54 -0500

THE HABIT OF KNOWING YOURSELF…

You may have noticed that I repeat a lot of the same words and phrases during these shows. You know, like; the things you focus on expand, and your relationships are the most valuable things you possess, excuses don’t exist, and things like that.

These things I repeat from time to time are important things, they are part of the foundation that makes up the entire philosophy here at the being a better man podcast. Today I want to expound on one of those things that I often repeat.

Knowing yourself, and being true to yourself. These are two slightly different concepts but they are tied together…because it’s impossible to be true to yourself, if you first do not know yourself.

Knowing yourself comes up a lot. I have provided you on several occasions with tips and tricks to know yourself better and why it is so important. I’ll go over it again for the sake of any new listeners.

First, the reason so many people don’t know themselves well is because we lie to ourselves. I think humans are the only animal capable of this, but we do it all the time. We lie to ourselves about who we are and what we stand for, even about what we truly believe in. We do this because it’s natural for us to all want to think the very best, especially about ourselves. Then, after a time, we come to believe the lies. So many people are walking around with a false, inaccurate perception of who they really are.

This becomes a problem when something unexpected happens. Suddenly you find yourself acting or reacting in ways that are not consistent with who you believed yourself to be. Depending on the situation, that can be a big problem, it can even be dangerous or life altering.

Not knowing yourself well is also a problem when it comes to improving yourself. All of you listening to this program are here because you want to become a better person. Well, if you have not made the effort to truly know yourself…then how will you know what things really need to be improved? How will you direct your focus if you aren’t being honest with yourself in the first place?

The other component of this is that we are always changing, so we never finish the task of knowing ourselves. I’m a different guy than I was 10 years ago, so if I stopped trying to know myself back then I would not recognize the changes that have occurred in me since. So that is a refresher on the importance of knowing yourself.

The other thing I said I would talk about, is being true to yourself. Like I said earlier; it’s impossible to be true to yourself, if you first do not know yourself.

When I talk about being true to yourself I’m talking about never compromising your personal values and beliefs. I’m talking about always acting in a way that is consistent with who you are and what you stand for. We can’t begin to be true to these things unless we know what they are. We wind up trying to be true to how we think we are…and that almost never works out because ultimately we are betrayed by the reality of who we are.

I don’t tell anyone how to act, or what to do, or how to think on this show. My message is pretty simple; decide who you are and what you believe, and be true to that. Each man must also decide for himself what it means to be a better man. It’s something that must be realized, rather than taught.

What values do you hold in high regard? What character traits do you assign to being better? What behavior do you find unacceptable or acceptable? These are all questions you need to ask yourself…and then act on the answers.

I realize it may not be what you are used to. In our modern cultures there are many different organizations, groups, institutions and subcultures that tell us what to think and how we should act. They tell us what is good and bad, right and wrong, and expect us to comply.

We become conditioned by society to look for these answers outside ourselves instead of looking within. This may be a paradigm shift from what you are used to…but who is ultimately responsible for you, besides you?

I’m going to break it down a little further now, so if you don’t understand what I’m saying yet, hang on for another minute.

In every civilized society there are acceptable behaviors, and there are other behaviors that are not acceptable. You know like stealing, murder, assault, lying, cheating and so on.

In different social circles the same thing exists; a list of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.

Most of you listening probably abide by most of these societal standards already…at least I hope you do. The question…and the difference in what I’m talking about, is why.

For many people what keeps them from acting a certain way is the law. Or, they may comply with the law purely from social pressure. What’s missing in my opinion, is that they have never bothered to question it or make up their own mind about it. Therefore, they are being true to the agency that created that law, rather than to themselves.

For example, lets take a behavior like stealing. Most of us will agree that it is wrong to steal, but what is actually informing us, ourselves or the society we live in?

I can tell you this…if a man comes to it on his own as a result of knowing himself that stealing is wrong, then he won’t cheat on his taxes, he will return money he found, he will not knowingly take advantage of someone like that. Not because it’s against the law…but because he himself had determined that it is wrong.

The primary difference in all of this is a matter of motive and intention. For example I always try to drive the posted speed limit..why? Because that is the law? No, it is because from my years as a professional driver I have determined that it is the best and safest thing to do. So every time I drive the speed limit, I am being true to myself. If I am speeding I am not being true to myself. I am out of integrity because of a decision I made about the merit of that law.

I’m not suggesting that if you disagree with a law that you should break it, you can if you want, but there will be consequences. What I am suggesting is that by questioning everything you do or don’t do throughout each day you can find out what you agree with or not…and why. When you figure out the why, and make these determinations they become part of you and you know yourself a bit better as a result.

If you approach life this way, eventually you find that almost everything you are doing is because you are true to yourself, and that has happened because you took the time to know yourself. Doing this will also create a habit of self reflection and questioning…in other words, a habit of knowing yourself, and being true to yourself.

When you reach this level of self-knowledge there are many benefits. Insults will no longer affect you, you will be above them because you will be secure in the knowledge of who you are. Your confidence will be increased, as will your self esteem. Chances are you will like and respect yourself more, and others will as also, as a result of your own self respect.

That’s all I’ve got for today guys. Now head out into the world intent on getting to know who you are. Question everything, determine why you think or feel everything. Decide for yourself what is right or wrong. Decide for yourself what is better or worse…and then, be true to that. Every time you are true to yourself, you are being a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

PATREON

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141 – Mental Toughness…a reminder.

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 16 Dec 2016 08:05:37 -0500

MENTAL TOUGHNESS…

Today I just wanted to have a little reminder episode. Sometimes it’s good to just stop, and remember what we are up to here…what this whole being a better man thing is all about. If you have been listening for awhile then you are going through your life looking for opportunities to be a better man each day. You are thinking about it, you are becoming it.

Human nature dictates that when we do something good we often have a tendency to pat ourselves on the back and then rest on our laurels. It’s a natural thing, and something we all need to watch out for, myself included.

You know what I mean? You make some great strides. You notice your behaviors gradually changing for the better, you are seizing opportunities to be a better man. You get so proud of yourself that you start to feel like your done, like your dedicated commitment over the past two weeks are so wonderful that you can relax a bit.

It isn’t always a conscious choice, sometimes we are just informed by our own subconscious, and that’s why we need to be on the lookout for it. This is where mental toughness comes into play.

A lot of people go through life spending energy trying not to displease or disappoint certain people; our boss, a parent, a spouse or friend. The problem with that, is we can be crafty…we can hide things from these people at times.

That’s why it’s important for you to become that person you don’t want to displease or disappoint. It’s much harder to hide things from ourselves because we know all our secrets, and that is where being mentally tough can help you.

Mental toughness means that you become your own drill sergeant. You become the supervisor, of yourself. You make the intellectual decision each day to take stock of yourself, to set objectives, make assessments and implement corrections.

It may take some practice, but if you can learn to separate your intellect from your emotional mind and treat yourself objectively, then excuses no longer work. Justifications are made irrelevant and you are able to stand before yourself completely naked. In that moment…you have the opportunity to make improvements.

For many, many people this is a brand new skill. Like any new skill it requires effort, repetition and practice to gain mastery over it.

It’s kind of like learning to play a musical instrument; you practice and practice and gradually, you start to learn the chords. Gradually you are able to put a melody together. Your own ears, and anyone else listening will be able to hear your progress.

The difference is, in this case the only person who can hear or interpret your improvement is yourself. That’s why it requires a whole different level of mental toughness and accountability. Your success or failure in this skill is completely, absolutely up to you and you alone.

It isn’t something you can approach in a willy-nilly fashion. Rather, It is something that needs to be done daily. It is most helpful to establish a routine, a ritual. A certain time of every day when you stand before yourself and make an assessment.

It might be in the morning when you are just waking up, or in the evening when you are going to bed, or on your lunch break, or a combination of these things. Whatever works for you, the important thing is that you set this time aside and become religious about doing it every day.

That will prevent you from being able to run a game on yourself that makes you feel like you don’t need to improve any further. That you are a better man than most and therefore…good enough. The fact is that we can continue to improve as people and as men until the day we die.

To further remind you of what is at stake here, I’ll tell you this. You are doing this for yourself, by yourself, but ultimately the benefits of this are much broader.

By being in a state of perpetual improvement every conceivable area of your life will also improve; your finances, your professional life, your love life, and your physical,mental, and emotional life as well.

Not only that, but you will become an example for other men and boys to follow. You will set the standard in your circle. You will be an exemplary example of what manhood is regardless of who is watching…and that will have an impact on the world in some way. That is the legacy of a man; to impact the world in some way, through our example, through the life we lead that causes others to emulate us.

There are no big awards for doing this, no grand recognition, other than the peace we feel in our own minds. The knowledge that we have done what we can to be a better man today than we were yesterday.

Now head out into the world and be aware of yourself. Establish a routine and make regular assessments, apply mental toughness and be accountable and keep on practicing until you gain mastery over yourself as a human being…and then keep on doing that.

Below are some useful links, INCLUDING the sponsor of this episode, STUMPTOWN KILTS:

STUMPTOWN KILTS get 10% off with purchase code: betterman

PATREON help support this show, become a Patron

FACEBOOK like the page and say hello

alf@beingbetter.men send me a direct email, whats on your mind?

140 – Cheating Death

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 08:05:55 -0500

CHEATING DEATH…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Cheating Death.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life. Or, perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Cheating Death, is a story about a particular time I did, and the ways it changed me. In that, are lessons we can use every day.

Below are some useful links:

STUMPTOWN KILTS get 10% off with purchase code: betterman

PATREON help support this show, become a Patron

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139 – The Power Of Silence

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 12 Dec 2016 08:05:02 -0500

THE POWER OF SILENCE…

Today I am talking about something that you may have never considered before. The absolute power of silence and pauses as a communication skill.

What made me think of this, sadly enough, was a show I watched about Adolph Hitler. Yes…he was an evil guy, I’m not a fan. However, evil or not, this 5’8”, or 173 cm, kinda weird looking guy was able to captivate an entire nation with his brilliant, impassioned oration, he was a genius communicator, I don’t think we can deny that.

One thing that he and several other well known master communicators like Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, Barrack Obama and many others all have in common is their use of silence and perfectly timed pauses in their speech.

Those are all fairly recent guys I just mentioned. There is no way of proving it, but I bet if you went back in time that almost all the great leaders of history were also great communicators…it’s hard if not impossible to be one, without the other.

There is something about silence. Standing in front of someone, making eye contact, not saying anything until the moment is perfect. There is something about that, that rivets people to their seats. They want to know what you are going to say, they need to know. This is the power of silence. It commands attention.

All the presidents and leaders make many speeches, but what good are words if nobody is listening?

Barrack Obama has a very unique cadence to his speech. He pauses often, and then proceeds with a particular rhythm that transfixes his listeners.

What all this has to do with Being A Better Man is this; if you are committed to improving in every area of your life, then the form of communication you use most often, your speech, will need to improve as well.

It is with your speech that you convey your thoughts, feelings and emotions to those around you. Your family, co-workers, business associates and friends. Your speech, how you talk to people, is equally important as what you are saying.

There are some other benefits to silence and pauses as well; besides just making people listen better, they help you gather your thoughts. They allow you the luxury of actually thinking before you blurt things out. Silence and pauses can make you appear more intelligent as well, if used properly.

I used this technique as a parent, and as an employer. When I really wanted my kids or employees to hear what I was saying, I would speak in a very low, quite, deliberate voice, pausing between sentences while maintaining eye contact. People respond to that, way better than they do to yelling.

When I was in sales I would also use a similar technique; I would start talking quieter, which would force my customer to lean in and pay closer attention.

In the same way your body is a physical representation of who you are, your voice is the audible representation of the same. I’m telling you guys, it matters how you talk, it makes a difference. It’s also important that when you talk you enunciate your consonants, speak clearly while you are being silent and pausing.

The other thing about silence, perhaps my favorite thing, is the immutable truth that you don’t learn anything when your lips are moving. What that means, is that when you are talking you are dispensing information, you are not receiving it. But when you are silent and listening you are able to take it all in.

Often times in social situations I mingle around the crowd without saying anything, but I’m listening, absorbing information and taking mental notes so that when I do decide to speak…I have something of worth to contribute.

Have you ever noticed there are some people who are made very nervous by silence? They can’t stand it. If there is a lull in a conversation and nobody is saying anything it becomes more than they can handle and they just start talking…saying nothing really, just talking to fill the void of silence. My advice…don’t be that guy.

When I was a kid my friend and I had a nickname for my dad. We called him “the man of few words”. We called him that because when he spoke, especially if he was angry, he could say more in four or five words, than most people could say in 50 or 100. Everything he said, mattered.

You may not even realize how you speak, you may have never considered it. If you would like to check it out then find a recording device and record yourself talking. Play it back pretending you are listening to someone else, go ahead and be critical, decide what your short comings are and work on improving it.

That may sound easy, but it’s not. When I started this podcast the hardest thing for me was getting used to listening to my voice…I hated it at first, I would cringe every time, but slowly, I started to get used to it, and then I was able to start improving it. I still have a ways to go…but I’m working on it, and thats what counts.

I hope you found this episode helpful, I hope it gave you something new to consider, that you have not considered before.

Now head out into the big world and embrace the silence. Practice the pauses. think about your voice and your speech and decide how you want to be perceived by people who hear you talk. It’s just another area that we can all improve in, and any improvement will make us a better man today than we were yesterday.

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138 – If You Don’t Ask, You Won’t Get

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 09 Dec 2016 08:05:52 -0500

I learned something a long time ago. That was, if you don’t ask, you won’t get. It sounds simple enough…kind of like you won’t know until you try, or you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.

Even though these are all common sense, simple cause and affect statements, for some reason a lot of guys have a problem with the first one; if you don’t ask, you won’t get. For some reason a lot of guys never ask the right questions at the right time, to get the things they want and need. That’s what I’m going to be exploring today.

I’ll start by pointing out that asking does not guarantee getting what you want, you will receive something though; an answer, which is often still better than nothing. And while asking does not guarantee you will receive your hearts desire, it does increase your chances tremendously. Because your chances started at zero, the simple act of asking makes your chances more than zero.

So what kinds of things am I talking about asking for? Anything you want, that you don’t currently possess. It could be a date with a girl you like, a raise from your boss, a contract from a company you want to do business with, or the donut under the glass with the most sprinkles on it, or whatever. Asking for these things increases your chances of getting them. But so often…guys just won’t ask.

Why don’t people ask for the things they want? What keeps them from it? Fear…good old fashioned fear of rejection, or fear of being denied, the fear of being told no. This is the real problem; dealing with fear.

It’s a different kind of fear than being afraid of clowns or grizzly bears or dangerous places. Rather, it is a subtle, crippling fear that somehow makes us content to do without the things we want, the things we feel we deserve, or the things we need. This kind of fear makes us complacent and meek.

I think one of the keys to overcoming this kind of fear is to consider the worst case scenario before hand…and accept it.

For example, maybe you feel like you deserve a raise at work and you decide to ask your boss to increase your salary. Before you go in, decide what the worst possible ‘likely’ scenario is…the word ‘likely’ is important here. too often we imagine things being much worse than they actually are.

An unlikely scenario might be that he becomes enraged and fires you on the spot and has security escort you out…once you dismiss that as being unlikely you can move onto a more likely worst-case.

He might tell you no. Ok, then you are in the same position you were in before, you haven’t lost anything. But if you are planning this out before hand, then you may have the presence of mind to use his no as an opportunity to ask him what you need to do to increase your value, and be worthy of a raise in the future. Now you have gained something; knowledge, information.

After you consider your worst case scenario’s you will realize they aren’t that bad, and it will help eliminate the fear of asking.

When I’m considering a worst-case scenario, if it doesn’t result in myself or someone I care about being killed or seriously wounded…I will probably ask the question, because almost anything else, I can handle.

Many years ago there was this job I wanted, it paid good and had great benefits and more opportunity. So I decided I would ask for the job. I got the guys name who made the decisions and I decided before hand that if he said no, I would thank him, and then I would call the next day and ask again. I decided I would keep doing that every day until I was threatened with legal action.

The guy’s name was Russ. I called Russ every day and asked him for a job. everyday Russ said no, and I would thank him for his time. I called Russ every day for over six months…every single day, and everyday he told me no.

One day I called and Russ said; “Aw, Alf, I was waiting for your call. We just let someone go and we have an opening, you were the first guy I thought of.” I got the job, and it was a good stepping stone for my family at the time. If I had not asked, I would have never gotten it.

I have a grand daughter who comes over and works around our place to earn money. Two days ago she asked for a raise out of the blue. My wife and I respected her tenacity and willingness to ask…so she will probably get that raise. If she hadn’t asked, it probably would not have occurred to us.

If I had not asked my wife to have dinner with me, I would not be married right now.

Almost everything good thing we have in life comes as a result of us taking action, and asking is often the first action that is required.

That’s it for today guys. Now head out into the world and decide what you want. Consider the worst case scenarios and deal with them prior to asking, to help you overcome the fear of being told no. Overcoming that fear will help you be a better man today than you were yesterday.

A big thanks to the sponsor of this episode: STUMPTOWN KILTS

Go to stumptownkilts.com – type betterman into the purchase code, and you will receive 10% off your on-line purchase.

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137 – The Herigstad Ostrich Ranch

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 07 Dec 2016 08:15:53 -0500

THE HERIGSTAD OSTRICH RANCH…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Herigstad Ostrich Ranch.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Herigstad Ostrich Ranch, is a true story about something that really happened, not only did it happen, but it was a profound segment of my life. It also taught me things that we can all use.

If you appreciate this content coming out 3 times a week you can help support the show by clicking this link >> STUMPTOWN KILTS use with offer code betterman. Or this one >> PATREON and becoming a Patron of the show for as little as .08 cents per month.

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136 – When Bad Things Happen

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 05 Dec 2016 08:05:12 -0500

WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN…

Today I’m going to talk about the fact that life isn’t fair at all, and a lot of bad stuff happens. How we should deal with that as men.

We all know this is true, we have all had bad things happen to us. We have all been treated unfairly at one time or another as well. Some men have been treated much worse than others. Other men certainly feel like they have gotten the bad end of the stick…but it’s really all about perception isn’t it?

Bad stuff happens to everybody across the board. Some people are born into bad stuff and others earn bad things through their own behavior. The fact is that bad stuff happens to everyone from the most privileged, all the way down to the least privileged.

It’s true…my bad stuff might not even seem bad to you, or visa-versa. The guy living in a trailer park in some forgotten town in the midwest will have a much different idea of what BAD is, than his counterpart attending an Ivy league school to become a lawyer or doctor…but their perceptions are both equally valid. The things that happen that we perceive as bad are entirely a matter of our own perception.

There is a reason I am trying to establish that bad stuff happens to everybody. Because it’s real easy for people to get caught up looking at other peoples lives, instead of their own. So lets agree for a minute that bad stuff happens to everybody. Let’s Not worry about how much worse our bad stuff is than someone else’.

Now lets talk about ways to deal with bad stuff. There are lots of different kinds of bad stuff. I think in most cases, a high percentage of our bad stuff that happens is brought on by our own choices. That is how it has been for me in my life most of the time.

I personally am thankful for this kind of thing. Because when I make a bad choice, and something bad happens as a result, that is actually my path to a better life. Because I can learn from that mistake and improve my behavior in the future.

A lot of guys choose not to look at it that way though. Instead they blame someone or something else, they make an excuse. When you blame something else or make an excuse for a bad choice…you don’t learn anything, and you are therefore doomed to repeat it.

There are tons of other kinds of bad things and injustices that happen to guys. Just like in the first example, the absolute worst thing you can do is allow yourself to become a victim.

If you become a victim of something, wether it be the economy, politics, society, the justice system, family court, your gender, your sexual preference, your race, your ex, or your culture…the moment you become a victim of something you have placed yourself in a subordinate role to that thing, whatever it is.

I want to make a distinction here between being victimized, and being a victim. Being victimized is the thing that happens to you whatever it is, but being a victim is the state of mind you deal with it in.

For example in 2008 I was victimized by the economy and had to abandon a lucrative real estate career, but I did not allow that circumstance to turn me into a victim. I didn’t become a victim…I just went and started a new career doing something else, because my blaming the economy or the situation would not make anything better, it wouldn’t change the facts, I would still be out of a job.

Here’s another example; Right now there are certain movements and mens organizations that are blaming feminism for the fact that they can’t get a date and have no success with women.

Rather than acknowledging their own inadequacies and focusing on improving them, instead of figuring out how to become attractive to women, these men have become victims. They have placed themselves in a subordinate role to the feminist movement and are blaming this movement for their own inadequacies, as though women should be under some obligation to be attracted to them.

That is just crazy to me, because it isn’t fixing their problem. Their problem being unsuccessful with women and not being able to find a mate. In fact…it will probably make their problem much worse.

It’s bad enough when something bad happens to a person and they start blaming and making excuses. It gets even worse when people with the same bad stuff happening start banding together to complain and whine and blame and make excuses all together. Now you have an entire movement that won’t fix anything. Because everyone is focused on their victimhood rather than on what will correct the situation.

Don’t misunderstand me here. I am in favor of people sticking up for themselves. I am in complete support of people effecting positive change through intelligent civil discourse, or even through more severe means, depending on the situation.

If the early American colonists had focused on being victims of England, we would still be subjects of her majesty.

When I got divorced I could have focused on being a victim of the family courts…instead I focused on being the best dad I could and I eventually got custody in spite of those courts, not because of them.

So you see what I’m saying here? It’s all about how we direct our focus. Sometimes there seems to be a thin line between focusing on a solution rather than a problem, but the line is always there.

Once again it all comes down to this; the things we focus on expand. If you focus on being a victim, you will remain a victim. If you are focused on the things happening to you instead of focusing on the solutions…those things will continue to happen to you.

So when something bad happens to you, and it will, try changing the way you think about it. Try focusing on whatever positive you can get from it, what you can learn by it. Make a distinct effort to not blame something else or make an excuse…focus on fixing it, and that is what will happen. The things we focus on expand.

Thats it for today guys, now head out into the big wide world and take care in how you direct your focus. Just because other people are making excuses, doesn’t mean they are right. Be your own man and create the things you want to happen by focusing on the results. You’ll find when you approach life this way that you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

If you believe in this show, the mission, what we are are doing here,

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producing this content for free, and make the world

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one man at a time.

STUMPTOWN KILTS…Offer Code: betterman

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135 – Manliness Of The Kilt

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 02 Dec 2016 08:05:42 -0500

It’s Friday, and I have an exciting announcement!  I have acquired a new sponsor for the show, a new partner that is making it possible for me to keep creating this content.

I want to always be straight up with you guys, so I’m telling you now that I will be unveiling this sponsor a little later on in the episode…and also that the rest of today’s content will be rated to this sponsorship.

On Friday’s I usually leave the day open to talk about whatever is on my mind, as it relates to being a better man. Today I am going to stray just a tad from usual protocol, because I am talking about something men can use, something I use. It is a manly piece of clothing.

As many of you know…I wear a kilt almost every day. For those of you who don’t know…a kilt is a non-bifurcated skirt-type garment that is pleated, originating in the traditional dress of men and boys in the Scottish Highlands of the 16th century.

Since then, a ton of people have started wearing them. The kilt is now returning to its roots as an everyday garment.

There are several reasons to wear a kilt in my opinion. In fact, here is a link to an article I found called:   40 REASONS TO WEAR A KILT.

This article is written by a woman…you see, women love kilts on men. If you don’t believe me just google “why do women love men in kilts” and you can see for yourself.

The reasons I like wearing a kilt are pretty basic; they are super comfortable for one. The next reason I like them is because I don’t get over-heated when I wear a kilt. I also like the fact that wherever I go in a kilt, people know I’m there, I get noticed, sometimes people talk to me and ask me questions while I’m wearing a kilt and it’s a great way to meet and get to know people. Not to mention the fact that it cuts the time it takes me to pee, by half!

A lot of people ask me if I’m Scottish when I’m wearing a kilt. The answer is no, I’m Norwegian, although I am 22% Irish as well. The idea that you need to be Scottish to wear a kilt, is a complete myth. Anyone can wear a kilt.

When I was in Norway I saw some pictures of Norwegians in a region of Norway from around 400 years ago. Guess what? People in that part of Norway wore kilts back then too, they even had bagpipes.

The truth is that many cultures from around the world wore kilts…or kilt-like garments, great wars were fought in them.

Nowadays, it does take a special kind of man to wear a kilt though. Wearing a kilt requires a certain amount of confidence, because you will be noticed, you will be approached, and it takes a degree of confidence to deal with that. It can also be said that simply the act of wearing a kilt, is a declaration of confidence by the man wearing it. So, it’s a good thing this audience is full of confident men.

Like I said, I wear mine almost every day. I have worn a kilt in every type of weather. I wore one climbing Half-Dome in Yosemite National Park. Also, when I was on a Norwegian Reality show. When I officiated my friend Matti’s wedding, when I shear sheep, when I build fences, when I cut firewood…literally, when I do almost everything I wear a kilt…and, if I have to wear pants for some reason, I hate it, and can’t wait to get back into the freedom of the kilt. Heck, I’m wearing one right now. I posted a couple pictures below of me in my Stump town kilt for your amusement.

There are very few garments that I would refer to as being manly, but the kilt is one of them. I think for me it harkens back to the people who made them famous. The Scottish Highlanders were a bunch of incredibly tough, hardened, manly guys…they were like Vikings without boats.

OK, it is now time to unveil our new sponsor. Way back when I first started this podcast I had no idea how it would do, or if anyone would listen. I knew if it did do well that I would eventually have sponsors and other forms of monetization that would allow me to keep doing it.

I decided way back then that there was one sponsor in particular that I really wanted to have…and that, is the very same company that makes the kilts I wear.

I am happy to announce that this has become a reality. This podcast now has a new partner, a new sponsor for the Friday shows. Introducing StumpTown Kilts.

They are based just a couple hours away from me in Portland Oregon. The nickname of that city is Stump Town because in 1847 when they were experiencing ridiculous growth, trees were cut down to make way for roads and buildings. The stumps of those trees were cast aside until they had enough manpower to move them, so for awhile, there were stumps everywhere. Hence the name; Stump town.

I wanted Stump Town Kilts to be a partner of this show because I want to make their kilts available to the rest of the world, and to my listeners in particular. They are, in my opinion, the finest, most well designed kilts you can buy for everyday use. I have three of them; a black one, a charcoal gray, and a hunter green…and I love them all.

Many people don’t realize that the traditional plaid kilts you see are called ‘Tartans’, and they were usually made of wool. In Scotland each clan or family group has a different design and that was their family Tartan, and how they could tell each other apart.

Stump Town Kilts are not Tartans. They are modern, brilliantly designed kilts made from superior fabric in a wide range of colors, even camouflage!

I have owned other kilts, when I got my first StumpTown I never wore the others again, I actually gave my old ones to a charity.

What is so special about Stump Town Kilts? Here are just a couple things make them unique; for one they are machine wash and wear, no ironing required. They are adjustable to 5 or 6 sizes, they have different pockets and accessories that snap on where you need them to be. There is a huge hidden, internal pocket in the front that will hold a ton of stuff. They are sewn with non-curling box pleats.

In my opinion they are the Cadillac of utility type kilts, but are still elegant enough to wear someplace fancy…and I have.

As a sponsor of this show what Stump Town kilts has agreed to do is give you, the listeners of this show a special code. This code will allow you to receive 10% off of your online purchase.

That code is ‘betterman’ all one word, all lower case. To receive that discount just go to www.stumptownkilts.com, look around, figure out what you want, and then type betterman at the time of purchase and you will receive this special offer.

Another thing Stump Town is prepared to do is donate a free kilt for a contest give away. I have not figured out how to structure the contest yet…but I am open to suggestions, so if you have an idea about that, let me know.

So if you are driving or working out right now, don’t worry. All of this information will be available at the top of the Manly Resource Center, in the menu tab at the top of this page.

I realize I talked about kilts for this entire episode, but I couldn’t help it. I’m really excited about this sponsorship because it’s something I use, something I can stand behind and represent, something that I value, and I am happy to be able to share that with you.

So if you have ever, in your whole life toyed with the idea of wearing a kilt, this is the one. Head over to StumptownKilts.com and check them out.

To be clear though…wearing a kilt won’t make you a better man, only you can do that. However, If you are going to be a better man you may as well look like one, and wearing a Stump Town Kilt is a step in the right direction.

Alright guys, head out into the big world, have a fantastic weekend. Be an exemplary example of manhood wherever you go…because somebody is always watching. Above all though, remember to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

This is me at my friends wedding!

Another wedding shot.

Me playing a goofy game.

On Top of Half Dome, In Yosemite

Here are some quick Links:

STUMPTOWN KILTS

PATREON

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134 – Prey At School

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 30 Nov 2016 08:05:45 -0500

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Prey At School.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Prey At School, is an uncomfortable tale of a time when I actually was prey, the lesson was profound though, and the experience helped shape who I eventually became.

If you appreciate this content coming out 3 times a week you can help support the show by clicking this link >> PATRON and becoming a Patron of the show for as little as .08 cents per month.

Check out our other Sponsor Audible.com to download your free audio book and start your30 day free trial.

Join us on: FACEBOOK

133 – Being A Man During The Holidays

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 28 Nov 2016 08:05:38 -0500

Well, it’s the start of another week. For some people thats a great thing…and for other people, not so much unfortunately, but…then here come the holidays.

We just got through Thanksgiving here in America, but now pretty much the whole world is head for the holiday season of Christmas and New years. We have to get through all that before we get to 2017.

You know I loved the holiday season when I was a kid, my mom always made it so fun for us. But ever since I grew up…more and more most of the holiday’s really just kind of annoy me.

I’m not alone either. It’s kind of crazy, but at a time when people are supposed to be filled with love and happiness and joy, a lot of people are really sad, and miserable. The weather is usually crappy, the days are short. The financial and personal problems people have always seem bigger when there is a holiday to deal with.

A lot of people think that suicide rates and depression go up around the holiday’s…I believed that until I researched it and found out it wasn’t true. It turns out suicide and depression are more prevalent during the spring and summer months, into the fall.

That doesn’t change the fact though, that a lot of people have a really hard time around the holiday’s, and we as men should be prepared for that so we can make it better on the people that we can influence.

The reason I get annoyed by the holidays myself is mainly because of the mass commercialization of it. It makes me angry. I don’t like the fact that the corporate world has completely taken over, they tell us when to spend our money and what to spend it on, and for who.

I see people go into full on panic mode, spending money they really don’t have in order to buy something that someone else doesn’t really need. Everybody is worried about what to get for who, and I think it really cast an ugly net over the whole thing.

I really don’t buy gifts for the holiday’s anymore. Pretty much, I stopped doing it a few years back, I think partly because I have such an aversion to being told what to do. I felt like I was being told I HAD to buy everybody something and I didn’t like that, so I stopped. You might think I would have experienced some negativity around that from my family but surprisingly…I haven’t.

I think this is why; there is something that I do love about the entire holiday season, and that is the experience of family. Just being together and playing board games, eating great food and telling stories. To me that is what the holiday season is all about, and I focus on that aspect of it, and no one seems to miss the gifts.

So how can we help, during the holidays, as men? Well, It is not always native for us men to think about what other people are going through is it? That’s something I’m still improving on as I go through my life. If people tell me they are upset I can be very attentive, I want to help people…but if they don’t mention it, or say they are fine when they are not, then I just assume that’s how it is.

So our challenge as men in this upcoming holiday season. Not just as men, but as men who want to be better men, is to make a special effort to anticipate the needs, pains, and desires of the people around us that we care about.

It might sound easy, but it isn’t for most guys. It’s something we need to focus on daily if we are going to have an impact.

A lot of times it won’t require more than listening to someones problem and letting them know you care. Other times you might have to get more creative. A lot of people are sad around the holidays because they are separated from their family…thats an easy one, invite them home for dinner and make them part of your celebration.

One year my daughter was very upset because she couldn’t afford to buy presents for everyone for the holidays. I could have gave her money…but instead I helped her write personal poems for every member of the family. In doing that, her and I got to spend time together, and she got to give everyone a very special, personal gift. Thats what I mean by getting creative.

So that is our first challenge guys; to make the effort to anticipate and satisfy the needs and pains of the people we care about. For some of us, there will be an additional challenge as well.

A lot of you guys out there might not be in the best spot yourself this year. You might be sad, away from your families, or out of a job. You might have lost a loved one recently or who knows? There are a million reasons why people are not in tip top emotional shape. So if you are one of those people…how are you supposed to be the anchor for everyone else?

OK, this might sound a little radical…but here it goes, listen carefully; the sheer act of being a better man today than you were yesterday will help immensely in correcting the things that are troubling you.

What I mean is, that my reaching out to other people, sharing your strength with them, putting the needs of others ahead of your own, basically…being a true man, will bring joy to those around you and to you as well. It’s really difficult to feel sorry for your self if you are actively engaged and interested in the lives of those around you. By being a man and helping others, you will ultimately be helping yourself, and that will make the holidays better.

Some of you might be skeptical about this. It might feel counter-intuitive to put your needs aside and tend to others first. But, until you try it you cannot say it doesn’t work.

So that is what I’m challenging all of you listeners with, and myself for this upcoming holiday season. Regardless of where you are at, the task is basically the same; be a man, care for those around you, share your strength with others and generate your own joy.

Then after the holidays are over…you might just want to keep on doing it. The same principles apply all year around, in every country, in every culture. It’s the best part of being a man.

That’s it for today guys, now head out into the world and look for ways to help. Look for ways to share your strength and be a man. Not just a man…but a better man today than you were yesterday.

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132 – Manly Manners

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 25 Nov 2016 08:05:40 -0500

MANLY MANNERS…

Today’s topic is inspired by a listener. A man by the name of Chris Brownell wrote in and requested that I do a show about manners. He got tired of seeing people display bad manners in public; behaving in ways that are offensive to others or otherwise not in line with social norms. Basically…people being rude, with no regard for others.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving in America, and families all across the country were gathering together for big family meals. I guarantee you that manners were a big deal in homes all across America yesterday.

Now on its surface, manners doesn’t sound like a real exciting topic. When I was a kid there was a lady on TV called Miss Manners and she was talking about what fork to use, when, and other fussy stuff like that, and as a kid it really turned me off to the whole concept of manners.

But you know what? Chris is right. Manners should be important to someone who is committed to being a better man today than he was yesterday. I’m not talking about the traditional definition of manners, like how to fold your napkin and stuff like that. Lets break it down a little bit.

What are manners? Manners are simply the prevailing custom of behavior that is considered polite and acceptable for a people, class, period of time etc.

That is a really vague definition. The bottom line is that there are a bunch of different manners depending on where you are and what you are doing. Manners vary from household to household, from city to city, region to region and country to country.

In each of these, it breaks down further; there are table manners, manners for conducting business, for playing sports, for dating, for driving, and everything else.

My message about manners for today is that wherever you are, or whatever you are doing, it is your obligation as a man to be aware of acceptable forms of behavior, and then act accordingly.

Why? You might ask? Why should you alter your behavior and what seems appropriate to you, just to appease the people around you? That’s a good question with a simple answer; because that’s the right thing to do.

In some cultures you are expected to belch after a meal. There are households where people fart and everybody laughs, while in other houses somebody farts and it is a great offense. In some houses you have to take your shoe’s off, and in others it doesn’t matter. In LA everybody tailgates when they are driving, and in other states you get brake checked if you get within 20 feet of the car ahead of you. There is no right or wrong to any of it, it’s just a fact that cultures vary widely among humans.

Here’s the deal; when we occupy someone else’ space, we should try our best to respect their culture and the way they do things, because that is what we would like them to do, if they enter our space.

It’s the same thing when we are in a public space. It doesn’t belong to any individual, it belongs to the public of that locality, and every locality has certain standards of acceptable behavior. It’s important to learn what these are and do our best to be respectful of them.

If you go to a ball game in America and the National Anthem is playing, every body stands up and takes their hat off and puts their hand over their heart. Thats what you should do, just to be respectful of the space you are in even if you aren’t American. But there is always some slack-jawed ignorant local that doesn’t…and that guy diminishes the experience of everyone else in the stadium around him.

If I go to another country I’m going to look around and do what the other people are doing, and be respectful of the space I’m in.

I lived in Germany for three years when I was in the Army. There were Americans like myself that tried to be respectful of that countries traditions, their manners. Then there were those that acted like stupid, arrogant, disrespectful Americans and it was embarrassing. Whenever I saw soldiers like that I would make some on the spot corrections.

This is real fundamental better man philosophy here guys. Nothing is gained by offending people or being a jerk…EVER! On the contrary, when you behave well it not only brings honor to yourself, but to your family, and the city, State or country you come from as well. It’s really just common sense isn’t it?

500 years ago if you were traveling abroad, bad manners would get you killed, it was a big deal and people were much more aware of it.

So don’t just think of manners as how to hold your butter knife, manners are a lot bigger than that. Manners are behaving well, behaving like a man in a way that is not offensive to the people around you.

Now it’s up to us, the men who want to be better men, to be an example of behavior every where we go. It’s our responsibility to demonstrate good manners and I believe it is also our responsibility to diplomatically correct bad manners when we see them. If we don’t, then who will?

Well thats it for today guys. Thank you for that Topic Chris. If you want to be like Chris and send me a topic just go to the CONTACT ALF menu tab up at the top, and write me a letter.

Now head out into the big wide world and have respect for yourself, and the people around you. Demonstrate that respect by having good manners. Make a point of behaving in a way that doesn’t needlessly offend people. Be an example for other men, and you WILL be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Now I’m going to talk about the sponsorship of this show. I’m here delivering this content for free, three times a week…because I believe in it. Listener feedback makes me keep believing in it. There are costs of time and money associated with the production of this show, and that is why I have sponsors. You can go to the Manly resource center in the menu tab up above and take a look at the various ways you can help support this show.

One I want to talk about in particular is Patreon. At Patreon you can pledge your support of this content for as little as .08 cents an episode…or as much as you want, it’s up to you. I made a video that explains how it works, just head over to patreon.com and look for my page, or click this link >> PATREON.

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131 – Waiting For Bigfoot

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 23 Nov 2016 08:05:46 -0500

WAITING FOR BIGFOOT…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; Waiting For Bigfoot.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Waiting For Bigfoot, is about an experience I went through that I wanted to share, because it profoundly impacted my life.

If you appreciate this content coming out 3 times a week you can help support the show by clicking this link >> PATRON and becoming a Patron of the show for as little as .08 cents per month.

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130 – Defining Weakness

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 21 Nov 2016 08:31:08 -0500

DEFINING WEAKNESS…

Today I’m going to expound a little on a theme from the last episode, number 129. That episode was about the myth that nice guys finish last, and in that episode I replaced the word Nice, with weak. I want to talk a little more about weakness.

The word weakness, immediately causes a response in men when they hear it…you know what I mean? There is something about it that activates something deep down in the primal regions of our brain. We know, instinctively that weakness is bad.

I think it comes from way back in the early development of our species…back then, weak things died. When animals hunt, they choose the weakest. When men fight, the weakest most often loses. If a baby is born weak, it will probably die. The weakest tribe will fall before the stronger one. A weak rope will break. Weak vision will prevent you from seeing danger.

So, as our species was emerging and developing, being weak itself was one of the earliest enemies of man. It has zero redeeming qualities. That’s why in our brains, even today when we hear the word, weakness…we are repelled by it. It is synonymous with death, defeat, and destruction…the three ‘D’s’.

Now it’s 2016, we have come along way from our hunter gatherer forefathers, at least technologically. As men though, biologically, we have changed very little. Thanks to better nutrition and the lack of things trying to kill us, we live longer, healthier lives. We know more stuff about everything, we have dominated the earth…but aside from all that, we are still the same creature that we started out as, and weakness is still our enemy, but for different reasons and in different ways.

It’s more complicated now I think. In antiquity it was pretty simple; weakness was sorted out by the environment pretty quickly because everyday something was trying to kill you.

Nowadays, we live soft lives. Lives where our mortality is hardly ever an issue. That creates an environment where weakness can hide, it can thrive and grow without us even realizing it. Thats why I think, in our modern culture, weakness has grown to proportions never before seen in history. It has permeated every aspect of life…because it can.

So here we are living among the oldest enemy of mankind, and we are totally unaware for the most part. There are so many built in excuses for everything now that it is even difficult to notice at times, even in ourselves. Being weak has become a habit.

I should define what I’m talking about a little better here though. There are many different kinds of weakness.

Lets start with physical weakness. There are all kinds of people; big strong people, and smaller less strong people, but that isn’t the kind of weakness I’m talking about, I never assume that a smaller person is weak.

True physical weakness comes from treating your body badly, being in poor health, and choosing not to be as strong as you can with the body you were given.

Likewise, mental weakness has nothing to do with mental illness. Mental illness is a disease, while mental weakness comes in the form of apathy, a lack of mental application, the refusal to learn and grow your intellect constantly. Your mind stagnates, and becomes weak.

Emotional weakness happens when we allow our emotions to incapacitate us, and make us worthless…or stupid. Rather than experiencing the emotion and still functioning as a man and doing the things you need to do.

Any of these three weaknesses would have been enough to kill our early ancestors. Meaning it was the stronger ones who lived and bred. We are actually the product of the strongest of our ancestors. Which makes the spread of weakness today even more tragic.

Then we have weakness of character. I think this is a new one, because in antiquity weak people wouldn’t live long enough to develop weakness of character. This weakness may be the most pervasive, the most common, and the easiest to conceal. It happens whenever someone does something that they feel is wrong. Notice I didn’t say when society or religion or other people think its wrong…but when they themselves think it is wrong, and they do it anyway.

When a man is not true to his own self, how can he be of any good to anyone else? We are experts at justification though. We will be untrue to ourselves, and then immediately justify it somehow, and that my friends, is the weakness of character at work.

The reason I’m talking about this is so that you can think about it. Maybe some of you are feeling uncomfortable because deep down there might be some weakness you are aware of, but that is not the intention of this episode. The intention of this episode is to make you aware of the weakness all around you, and in you. Because if you are not aware of it, if you don’t see it and call it by name, then you will never be able to correct it.

As far as how to correct it goes…it takes effort, and focus, and concentration…but through your efforts and practice you just stop being weak, and become strong instead.

Thats it for today guys, thanks for listening. If you want to support the content of this show click this link >> PATREON watch my video and see what its all about.

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Now head out into the big world, and always be ready to face your own weakness, because only then can you do anything about it. Be aware of the weakness, but focus on your strength, because the things you focus on will expand, and you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

129 – Nice Guys Finish…

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 18 Nov 2016 08:05:35 -0500

There is a saying that comes up every now and then in modern conversation. It is a saying that I have taken great exception to over the years, the more I heard it, the more I disliked it.

I disliked it because I do not believe it is true, it is inaccurate…and I hate inaccuracy. That saying is; “Nice Guys Finish Last”.

The phrase, nice guys finish last was first coined in 1946, by Leo Durocher, the manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers Baseball team, pictured above. He was talking to some sports reporters from the dugout as their opponents, the Giants, were coming onto the field…he commented about how “Nice” they were. The Giants were in next to last place in the national league at the time, while the Dodgers were in first place.

He went on to say that,

“The nice guys are over there, not in this dugout…nice guys finish last”.

The sports reporters ate it up and the phrase was born.

Since then it has been uttered over and over again, with many different meanings attached to it. Mostly though…it has come to refer to men having success with women. The insinuation being that if you are a nice guy you will become a doormat, immediately ushered into the friend zone by the women you are attracted to, who will always choose instead the arrogant, bad-boy, jerk.

The problem is…a lot of guys believe this, and then modify their behavior because they think, they will have a better chance out in the dating world. They begin treating women badly, they become self absorbed douche bags who leave a trail of broken hearts and bad feelings in their wake.

I don’t know how Leo Durocher of the Brooklyn Dodgers treated women, when he coined this phrase he was referring to his overall baseball strategy of intimidation, strength, and winning at all costs. He wasn’t talking about women.

My problem with the phrase, as I said, is it’s inaccuracy. I think the inaccuracy lies in how nice guys are being defined in the first place.

I think humans developed certain mating rituals just like all other mammals have. Our mating rituals developed to have us looking for the best possible partners to share our DNA with. As a result, both men and women enjoy the chase, they are intrigued by the challenge. It is during this mating dance that we discover what attributes our potential mate possesses.

Women like strong, confident men who are sure of themselves…because that was a huge survival skill back when our species was developing, back when we had to kill what we ate and be able to defend the tribe from other people and animals.

In contrast, men too gravitate toward women who challenge them more than other women might. Why? Because a woman like that is exhibiting traits that will make her a good capable mother, a strong partner, a defender of the home, etc.

For an example I’ll tell you about an experiment I did back in the 90’s, back before computers and internet dating. I put a personal ad in a newspaper, looking for a woman…the woman. My intention was to date 20 women in the course of a month, and use comparative analysis to see if I could determine who the best woman for me would be out of the 20.

I went through that month and completed the experiment, and out of those 20 women there were several good candidates, but there was only one who refused to kiss me on the first date, (that was one of my testing criteria), she is the one who became my girlfriend for the next two years, we almost got married. It turned out in the end she wasn’t THE woman, but I learned a few things going through that experiment.

I chose her because she had standards, she had strength of will and most importantly, she had respect for herself…and those are all very attractive qualities.

Ok now back to what I was saying about the definition of a nice guy. When the phrase; nice guys finish last, is used, I don’t really think it’s talking about guys who are nice, rather it is talking about guys who are weak. Guys with no conviction, no self respect, no confidence, no back bone, and no courage. News flash…women are not typically attracted to men like this, because they are not good survival skills.

This phrase is labeling weak men as nice guys…and that is where the inaccuracy lies. It is totally possible to be a super confident, strong, decisive man who knows who he is, and knows what he wants…and still be a nice guy.

You do not have to be a jerk to be a strong, masculine male. Look, I am the case in point…I have always been a nice guy, but I have never finished last and I have never been a weak man.

There is another saying out there…that women like so called “bad boys”. Unfortunately this phrase exists because a large number of bad guys, almost all of them, demonstrate the traits of confidence, strength and self assuredness that women are looking for, the traits they are attracted to on a primal level. It seems to blind them to the fact that these men happen to be using their masculine traits for bad…rather than good, and that is why they are called bad guys.

I don’t think any women anywhere wants to be mistreated, that is never the goal, and if it is…there is something else damaged there. The only kind of woman who would genuinely want a bad man, someone to treat her like garbage…is a bad woman, or a severely emotionally damaged woman.

So to bring this around full circle, I do not agree with the phrase; Nice Guys Finish Last. I do believe that weak men finish last, because they do…history proves it. The remedy for that is not to be a bad guy, the remedy is simply…to not be weak.

The reason I’m talking about this today is so that when you hear that phrase, Nice guys finish last, you can know it doesn’t apply to you.

Chances are, if you are being a better man today than you were yesterday…that you are a nice guy. You care about the safety and happiness of the people around you, you mean the things you say, you are improving in every area of your life…you are not a weak man. In fact, you are probably a very Confident, strong, self assured nice guy, who is not going to finish last.

So, what I’m saying is, the bottom line, is that you are now armed with the knowledge that being nice, does not equate to weakness. It is OK to be a nice guy, just don’t be a weak man. Weakness comes as a result of not knowing yourself well, of not having a backbone, weakness thrives in the face of excuses and in ones willingness to betray their own sense of right, often times at the expense of others.

Now head out into the world understanding that nice guys do not finish last, in fact…they are the only ones who finish at all.

The bad men, the weak men, the men who are not being better…they will spend their lifetime searching, trying to realize their potential as a man, but they never will. They are searching for what you will achieve just by being a better man today than you were yesterday, and then doing that every day.

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128 – The Flatulent Reader

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 08:05:24 -0500

THE FLATULENT READER…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Flatulent Reader.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Flatulent Reader, is about another one of those embarrassing moments that I survived…but that I also went on to learn great lessons from. Everyone is flatulent at one time or another…so it will be easy to put yourself in my shoes here, maybe.

If you appreciate this content coming out 3 times a week you can help support the show by going to: PATREON and becoming a Patron of the show for as little as .08 cents per month.

Join us on our Facebook page, and don’t forget that I love getting feedback! I love hearing your ideas and questions and thoughts about the show.

127 – Your Last Five Minutes?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 08:05:00 -0500

YOUR LAST FIVE MINUTES?

Ok, today I will actually be talking about something that was inspired by a conversation I had with my wife just this morning.

We were basically talking about the character of men, and she was giving me some of her perceptions and observations down through the years. As a woman…her estimation of mens character abroad…is much dimmer than mine, her perspective is not that of a 270 pound man, a former boxer who goes through life seldom feeling threatened or at any disadvantage…that’s my perception.

Her perception is that of a 125 pound woman who has always had to be watchful and wary, who has gone through the world searching for well lit spaces to walk in, and who always feels some degree of menace and danger in situations with men she doesn’t know.

These two perceptions are wildly different, and worth noting, because the one force in the world that has made her feel threatened more than anything else…is men she doesn’t know.

She told me about a time around 2009 when she was on a website called FARK, a space dominated mostly by men who spend a lot of time trying to be funny while commenting on current issues…that sort of thing.

On this website the question came up; “If a meteor was heading for earth and you knew you only had 5 minutes to live…what would you do?”

She says that several men, in fact the majority on this website quickly responded that if they knew they only had five minutes to live…they would rape their neighbor.

She went on to tell me how that made her feel as a woman…knowing that she would have to spend her last five minutes on earth defending the virtue of her daughter, granddaughter, and other women around her from those that would take it without permission. It is a horrible notion…and one that we as men can only pretend to understand, because we will never feel threatened in that way.

I am a defender of men, I constantly champion the fact that there are many, many good men in the world. Men who will always stand up for what is right and good. I believe in the capacity of men to be valiant heroes and protectors of all those who need protecting. So, hearing that men publicly said, without apology in a public space, that if they only had five minutes to live they would rape someone, kind of took the wind out of my sails.

Sure, this was back in 2009 and it could have just been guys talking, trying to be extreme, thinking they were funny somehow. But still, the fact that they would say it, is alarming to me…as it was to my wife at the time.

When I hear things like this I often wonder if I am being delusional, I wonder if my view and outlook of men is naive and overly biased toward the positive because of my personal experience and the men I was fortunate to have known.

Of course I realize there are lots of guys who have no direction, no guidance, no conscience with regard to their behavior. Guys reared in unfortunate circumstances who have never been exposed to another way…that’s one of the reasons I do this podcast. But, at the same time I like to believe that the majority of men have risen above their base animal instincts. I have seen evidence of this in the men I have known throughout my life…am I wrong?

I refuse to believe I am wrong about that, but my wife perception and the perception of millions of women in the world today is still valid, because they have seen the world through different eyes.

What I think this conversation with my wife illustrated more than anything else, was exactly how important it is for men to be mindful of the things they say and do.

You know how I always say that in every moment we are living we are the example of manhood for whoever is watching? This is a great example of that. In that moment when my wife was watching, several men said things that have plagued her perception ever since, because they were poor examples of manhood it served to tarnish her overall perception of all men. That’s how it works, and that is why it is imperative that we behave like good, responsible men everywhere we go…because you never know who is watching.

I like to imagine a world in which our wives, sisters, and daughters can go through the world without ever feeling threatened. A world where men represent safety and protection rather than physical abuse. I admit…that world doesn’t exist right now, it’s a fantasy. But, every time a man stands up for someone else, every time a man speaks out against those who would propagate fear, every time any man anywhere starts his day with the intent to be a better man than he was yesterday…we get a little closer to that ideal world, and that matters.

I think you should think about this question; how would you spend your last five minutes on earth? Ask your friends, pose the question on social media and see what other people say, it might give you an idea of where people are in the world, and it might provide you with an opportunity to educate someone, and be an example.

It has caused me to ponder how I would spend my last five minutes. I can tell you exactly what I would do…I would spend my last five minutes trying to make everyone around me feel lucky for the life they had lived, I would try to make them smile, or laugh, and would make sure they didn’t feel alone. That would be my goal.

Alright guys, now head out into the world armed with the knowledge of how you would spend your last five minutes, and then hey…why not spend all your available minutes doing that? We don’t have to wait for our last five minutes. Today is our opportunity to be a better man than we were yesterday…lets not waste it.

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126 – Divided We Fall

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 11 Nov 2016 08:05:10 -0500

DIVIDED WE FALL…

This episode is being released on November 11th, just three days after the national elections in America. Today I am not talking about the election specifically, but rather about the personal, national, and global ramifications of it, as people. Divided we fall.

This is the most difficult episode I have produced up to this time. The more I try to figure out what I need to say the more convoluted it gets, there are just so many factions…so many different opinions and positions and perspectives, it’s really tough.

As a man, I found myself wondering what is the best thing for me to do now. Some people around me, people who are very close to me are hurting and terrified because they are in a group that feels it has been marginalized and attacked by the winning side…and for them, it creates an unknown future in which it seems nothing good could possibly come from it. Divided we fall.

As a man this concerns me, because I don’t want the people I care about to be afraid or hurt or angry…I just want them to be happy.

The other difficulty I face is that only half of the listeners of this show are from America, the other half are spread out all over the world…so I can’t just talk to Americans here, I am literally addressing the entire globe…so, what do I say?

What can I say that will be of use to every man in this time of global polarization and division, regardless of what side you are on, regardless of what group you are in?

I think…The first thing I need to do is remind everyone of what they are.

What I mean is, aside from being a Democrat or republican, a conservative or liberal…aside from being an American or a Canadian or a Norwegian or a Jordanian…you are a man, first and foremost.

As a man you have a fundamental responsibility to preserve the integrity of your family and other relationships. These are the most precious, valuable things you possess, and it is imperative that you do not let the divisive nature of these election results wreak havoc upon them.

I said family and “other” relationships…by other relationships I mean all of your relationships, the ones outside your family as well as your immediate family. The people with whom you relate with from day to day; your friends, your co-workers and business associates, your neighbors, the person you always talk to at the dog park or the gym. These are all, your relationships.

Preserving the integrity of these relationships will mean different things to different people. For me it means I have to listen to people I care about. I have to honor their point of view even if I don’t agree with it. I have to be compassionate about the emotions other people are feeling…even if I don’t share those emotions. It also means that I need to project a calm, confident, rational demeanor that is absent of fear, in order to create a safe, solid place for those that are angry, or afraid, and I need to be an example for others to do the same. In other words, I need to put politics aside and assume the higher ground in these situations. I think that’s what I need to do to preserve my relationships.

Above all I need to remain focused on and celebrate the things that make people the same, rather than the things that make us different. Divided we fall.

In these times of world-wide turmoil and uncertainty every single man including myself has to scrutinize our own behavior. We have to monitor the things we say and regulate how they are said. We have to be responsible and aware of our actions, perhaps now more than ever before, because our relationships hang in the balance.

Some people will never get it. They will remain more attached to their candidate or to an ideology, or to their version of what is right and wrong at the expense of everything else, at the expense of their relationships. Imagine for a moment what would happen if everyone did that.

Chaos would result. People would become fractured, and civilization itself would be compromised because the thing that binds us together as a species…the thing that makes civilization possible, and effective, is the strength of our relationships.

Take any country for an example, it’s made up of people, individuals. Those individuals all have relationships with other people, some of those overlap with other people’s relationships, and through this network of relationships, communities are formed.

Communities overlap into other communities and become bigger communities, which ultimately coalesce to form a nation. A nation upon which the primary foundation is not government, or law…but relationships. Government and law are the circumstances under which a nation exists, but at the very core…the beating heart of a nation depends on the strength of personal relationships.

I believe history proves that when the strength of personal relationships erode…nations erode with them. It was Aesop who first coined the phrase “United we stand, divided we fall”, and since then many smart people from many different cultures have repeated it. You know why? Because it’s true.

We cannot be united as a world or a nation or a community if we are not first united as individuals. That is why our relationships must be a priority. Remember, the things we focus on expand, remember…divided we fall..

That’s it for today guys. I’m going to go and tend to my relationships now…and I suggest you do the same. I believe that is the best thing each of us can do right now regardless of where you live or who you voted for, regardless of everything else going on in the world…make your relationships a priority and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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125 – The Saga Of Dr. Pepper

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 09 Nov 2016 08:05:09 -0500

The Saga Of Dr. Pepper…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is; The Saga Of Dr. Pepper.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Saga Of Dr. Pepper, is all about discovering the importance of being yourself.

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124 – SUCK IT UP

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 07 Nov 2016 08:05:02 -0500

SUCK IT UP…

Today I want to talk about the term, to “suck it up”. We have all heard it a million times and we all know, because of the context it is used in, what it means.

To suck it up, is to endure some physical, mental, or emotional hardship without whining or complaining right?

Coaches use this term all the time…probably more than any body. When an athlete gets fatigued and his performance starts to fade the coach will yell at him to suck it up. Which means the athlete is supposed to ignore the pain and the fatigue, summon up a little extra strength and continue executing the task, whatever it is.

The term suck it up is most often used in situations associated with some kind of strenuous performance, but now its use has spread into every walk of life, we see it most often when we are faced with having to make a decision between two crappy things.

Maybe your boss tells you you have to come in on the weekend, you tell him you have plans…he tells you to suck it up and come in anyway.

Maybe your car needs a brake job but you can’t afford it until payday…you have to suck it up, and find another way to get to work until you get paid.

Maybe you finally asked out a girl you like and she turns you down, she says no. Your all bummed out and your friends tell you to suck it up and get on with your life.

After the elections tomorrow half the country will be asked to suck it up, because their candidate did not win.

The examples of this term are endless, but I started thinking about it. I am a guy that believes words mean things and I started to wonder what it literally means; to suck it up…suck what up? I also started wondering how relevant sucking it up is to being a better man.

All sayings have an origin, a beginning, and knowing how a phrase got started often sheds light on a phrase and enhances its meaning a bit.

I did some research, and it turns out…from all the sources I could find, that the term sucking it up came out of world war II.

It was a term used for pilots flying at high altitudes. Sometimes they would get sick and vomit into their oxygen mask. They needed that oxygen, so they had two choices; they could suck up their vomit and swallow it, so they could start breathing again…or, they could breath in their acidic vomit and die. The term suck it up was born!

I can’t vouch 100% for how true that is or not, it kinda makes sense though. But wether it is true or just an urban legend, it is a fantastic, extreme example of what sucking it up means.

There you are, flying over France in 1941…you get sick and throw up…you have to suck it up, or die. There are no other choices.

As I pondered this I came to the conclusion that sucking it up is really telling us how to best deal with, and accept a real life fact about a situation.

Like in the earlier five examples I gave; the athlete, the car problems, the girl who says no, the election, and the unreasonable boss. In each of these examples the term suck it up is really giving us advice on how we should deal with it. There are slight differences though.

In the car problems example and the girl who said no…we don’t really have any other choice. If the girl doesn’t like you she doesn’t like you, if you don’t have the money to fix your car you have to wait until you do have it…period. There really are no other choices, kind of like the puking pilot. The same is true of the election…somebody wins and somebody loses, that’s all there is to it. So the best thing you can do is to suck it up and deal with it the best you can without whining or complaining or making excuses. To do anything else will not change the outcome.

In the other two examples; the unreasonable boss and the athlete, there is another choice. The athlete could quit, and walk off the field. letting himself, his coach and his team down, or he could suck it up.

With the unreasonable boss there is always a choice to quit, but that choice depends on how much you like your job and what your chances of getting a new one are. Like the athlete, the choices are quit, or suck it up.

After all this I do think that sucking it up is relevant to Being A better Man. It’s just another way of saying Make a decision, and deal with it like a man, without whining or complaining.

A lot of things happen in life that are unfortunate. Situations arise that require us to choose between two crappy things.

In the absence of a third viable course of action…as men, we just need to suck it up sometimes, because whining, complaining, and making excuses are not really options. They are options for a boy perhaps, but not for a man.

Thats it for today guys, now head out into the big world and when you need to…suck it up, and get on with your life. Swallow your puke and keep breathing oxygen, live to fight another day so that you can be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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123 – How To Handle A Bad Mood

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 04 Nov 2016 07:05:58 -0500

HOW TO HANDLE A BAD MOOD…

Welcome to being a better man, the podcast that is here to remind all of us, to be a better man today than we were yesterday…that includes me. I get as much out of making this podcast as you get out of listening to it, so it is a win – win situation all around. I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad.

Hey I want to give a quick shout out to the newest Patron of the show, a man named Mitch Evancho has become a supporter, a Patron of this broadcast. He did that by going to PATREON.COM and pledging his support. Thank you Mitch! It means a lot.

If you want to do the same thing just click on these blue links >> patreon.com and check out the video I made, and see what it’s all about.

Ok, today’s episode is about how a man handles being in a bad mood. A lot of us like to think we are never in a bad mood. Some of us like to act as though bad moods and moodiness in general are the exclusive domain of women…lets be honest though, we all know that isn’t true.

We are all human beings and sometimes, all of us are subject to finding ourselves in a less than cheerful disposition, regardless of our gender, or our intellect, our positive attitude, or our sheer toughness…It happens.

There is a formula out there that I agree with; it says life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% how we react to what happens to us, That 90% is the part that matters…that same formula applies to our mood.

It’s tricky business because if your aren’t thinking about it, or if you are in denial about the mood you are in, it might express itself in ways that are not consistent with the kind of man you want to be.

For example when some guys are in a bad mood it can make them short tempered and they snap at people around them. Some guys might actually get mean and say ugly things they don’t really mean. Other guys just become distant and aloof, separating themselves from the people around them which causes everyone else to feel like they did something wrong. None of these are good things.

The causes of a bad mood are infinite. Sometimes someone can say something that rubs you the wrong way, it gets under your skin and acts like an infection in your mind without you even realizing it was there. Or maybe something happened that disappointed you, or maybe several little things didn’t go your way all in a row? Perhaps you disappointed yourself somehow? The fact is, that is doesn’t take much to cause our brains to get unhappy and that results in a bad mood.

Sometimes, it seems as though nothing happened at all, and you are still in a bad mood. It’s important to understand that our mental state is largely controlled by chemicals and hormones in our brain.

Some psychologists believe that irritability is the result of us mentally trying to avoid some kind of behavior or temptation…like using your willpower to avoid eating bad food, or to not yell at the barista who got your order wrong, or maintaining control in a disagreement, or not acting out when you are being criticized by your boss. These psychologist contend that this use of willpower drains our cognitive resources…so the harder we try to avoid something, the more likely we are to get in a bad mood.

When we cross the line and become angry, irritable, cynical or mean…something else happens; our blood pressure fluctuates and the production of the stress hormone cortisol is increased, which makes us even more unhappy, so it can be kind of a vicious cycle if we don’t do something about it.

OK, what should we do about it? We are men after all. We are the example of manhood in each moment we are living so how can we continue to be a better man even when plagued by a bad mood?

The first thing we can do is go ahead and admit that a bad mood is happening…this might be the hardest part. I have a very hard time with this one myself, I hate to admit that something has gotten out of my control. I pride myself on being in control of my mind and my language…and it is tough for me to let go and just admit it when I’m in a bad mood, but I’m getting better at it.

It’s also helpful to let the people around you know whats going on. Just be straight about it, say “Look I’m in a bad mood right now, I’m not sure why, give me a couple minutes to get over it.” That is a very mature, grown up thing to do and the people around you will appreciate knowing whats going on.

This first step is critical, because if you don’t admit it, then it is really hard to do anything constructive about it on purpose. You walk around denying it to yourself and when someone asks you whats wrong you bite their head off and scream “nothing” at them. That’s really not cool guys…that is what common men do, and we are not common men.

Once you have acknowledged that you are in a bad mood…there are several things you can do to correct it. First, doing anything that you enjoy will help, any hobby or activity that typically brings you joy, just start doing it, if that activity involves another person get their permission first…but even if you don’t feel like it in the moment, force yourself…fake it till you make it. After a couple minutes you might start feeling better.

Another thing you can do is have something to eat. That will help regulate your blood sugar if its getting a little low. Spicy food will release endorphins in your brain, foods with fatty acids are thought to have a positive effect on emotion, and…maybe eating food you love is one of those activities you enjoy. At any rate, you will probably start getting happier after a few bites.

If you love music you can put on some headphones and get a dose of natural dopamine injected into your brain! Dopamine will make you happier, possibly as fast as a three minute song, so try that out.

Finally, another fool-proof method of getting in a better mood is exercise. Lets say you are at work and your in a crappy mood…just go into the broom closet and do some vigorous push ups, or sprint around the block, there is almost always something that can be done. What is required is a moderate to high level of sustained activity, until breathing starts to become difficult…that is when the endorphins are released, and endorphins are another one of those natural things that make you feel great. It doesn’t last forever, but it can get you over whatever funky mood you are in.

Look, aside from being a jerk to the people around us, the problem with being in a bad mood is that it narrows our entire perception of everything. In other words…instead of being relaxed and happy and able to take in and perceive all of your surroundings simultaneously…when you are in a bad mood it gives you tunnel vision, it’s hard to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.

That is not a great survival skill because you won’t see the saber toothed tiger coming at you, but you can also use that to your advantage.

If you find yourself in a bad mood…it might be a good time to tackle that project that requires that kind of focused concentration. I once new this lady and It was easy to tell when she was unhappy about something, because her entire house would be spotless. Whenever she got upset she went on a cleaning frenzy. She knew how to turn her narrow minded bad mood into something positive, and that’s something all of us can do if there isn’t another way to get over it…just use it to get stuff done, without taking it out on the people around you.

I should also mention that way too often the way some people deal with a bad mood is to self medicate with drugs or alcohol…that never really works, it usually just makes things a lot worse, so I strongly advise you against it. If you start out drinking in a bad mood, you’ll probably wind up in a worse mood.

OK, that’s it for today guys. Now head out into the world and pay attention, if you find yourself in a bad mood just admit it, and be responsible for it. How you deal with the fact that you are in a bad mood is what really matters. Try some of these tips I gave you but mostly be aware that you are responsible for everything you do, regardless of your mood. Keep that in mind while your out there being a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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122 – Throw Alf Out The Window

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 02 Nov 2016 07:05:53 -0500

THROW ALF OUT THE WINDOW…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is Throw Alf From The Window…yep.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Throw Alf Out The Window, is about an interesting time in my life when I was faced with a hard decision; follow orders, or plummet to my death.

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121 – To Have Pride

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 31 Oct 2016 07:05:27 -0500

TO HAVE PRIDE…

Hey guys…if you get value out of this podcast then I encourage you to tell a friend about it, and share it on social media. Also, if you believe in what we are doing here and you want to have a stake in it…you can become a Patron of Being A Better Man for as little as .08 cents per episode, to find out more about that click on this link >> patreon.com

Alright…so today I will be talking about a particularly complex concept. This topic was suggested by a new listener named Mitch. If you want to be like Mitch and send me your own topic suggestions just go to the website and find the CONTACT ALF button and send me a letter. Today, thanks to Mitch, we will be discussing pride.

I said pride was a complex issue…and it really is. The definition of pride varies widely. It is an inward directed emotion that is altogether separate from happiness or joy. It seems that pride has a good side, and a dark side when you approach it from the english language, and I suspect from others as well.

I never felt that pride was a negative myself. To me pride was always a positive word for some reason. Growing up I was proud of my family and my home. If I got a good grade at school or did something awesome on the little league field, I was proud of my accomplishments, and it felt good.

Then I was surprised to discover that pride is also considered a sin in some religious circles…Apparently that is even what got the devil kicked out of heaven. That creates quite a dichotomy in a young boys mind. I wondered how pride…the act of being proud, could ever be construed as something bad.

Turns out, there is another word…hubris. Hubris really encapsulates everything that is supposedly wrong with pride. It is the foolish and irrationally corrupt and inaccurate sense of one’s personal value, status or accomplishments.

Ok, we have all known someone like that who exhibits hubris, and may have even been guilty of it ourselves on occasion. The way I interpret it, when pride gets out of hand, when it transcends reality and leads to someone thinking more of them selves than they should…pride turns into hubris, and thats bad.

Lets forget about hubris for a minute and talk about the good part of pride. I think pride is an extremely useful emotion. I think it builds confidence in people. I think it facilitates personal growth. I think pride makes people less fearful to try new things and courageously go forward into unknown situations, and thereby expand their potential as human beings. In doing all of that pride feeds your self esteem and galvanizes your personal identity. Those are all good things right?

I think pride is severely lacking in our society today. Most people seem to be ok with being proud of things outside of themselves, but they seem to be afraid to express pride in themselves.

I think there are several reasons for this. People who are proud of themselves and their accomplishments or attributes are often criticized wrongly, for being arrogant and boastful. Children are often admonished for “showing off”, there seems to be a sense that if one person feels great about themselves that it will make other people who aren’t them, feel worse about themselves.

Thats why some schools no longer give out grades, because they don’t want to hurt anyones feelings with a bad mark. Thats why kids get participation trophies just for showing up. In some school sporting events I have witnessed, they don’t even keep score…can you believe that? There are no winners or losers and everybody is the same. Personally…I think that is complete garbage!

It’s not preparing a child well for life. Because lets face it…people are not all the same. There are winners and losers in life and we need to know how to deal with both scenarios. How can you learn to be a gracious winner if you are never allowed to win? How will you be motivated to improve yourself if you are never allowed to lose?

Not everyone is a great athlete or an exemplary student, not everyone is physically attractive, in fact all of us are horrible at something. By the same token, all of us are good at something too.

So, as a modern culture we are systematically discouraging pride from childhood on. I think this is directly contrary to our human spirit. Our species got to where we are today because someone was always striving to be excellent, which led to innovations in science, art, agriculture, sports, architecture, you name it. If you don’t have some people striving to be excellent at something, then all forward movement will stop.

Pride is part of the reward for that excellence, to be proud of ones accomplishments and deeds. If we take that reward off the table, what will become of our species down the road?

I will tell you right now, and I think that most people who know me will agree, that I have a healthy dose of pride. I am unashamedly proud of many things. I think my pride was instrumental in making me a confident person, and confidence is often interpreted as arrogance.

I make this distinction between a confident man and an arrogant man; A confident man can back up his claims, while an arrogant man cannot. I have been accused of arrogance from time to time, but only by people who don’t know me well.

People who know me well also know that I temper my pride with humility. What that means is, I don’t let it go to my head. I can be very proud of something without thinking I am better or more important than someone else. For an example, I am extremely proud of my Norwegian heritage, it’s a big part of my identity, I am proud of the accomplishments and deeds of my ancestors…I use that feeling of pride to be the best I can. I can do this without feeling superior to others because I recognize that there are amazing things in every heritage to be proud of, and at the end of the day we are all just people.

I guess thats the tricky part, pride with no humility can and will lead to hubris. Apparently, that is difficult for some people to manage because they never learned or were not taught the virtue of humility. I am only able to temper pride with humility because that is how I was taught, I was raised that way. Humility then is a learned skill like most things are and if one man can do it, another one can. If I can do it, you can do it.

Everything in life requires balance. Too much of anything usually isn’t good. Too much pride leads to hubris. Too much courage leads to recklessness. Too much seriousness compromises humor. Too much confidence leads to arrogance. Too much gravy on your potato’s makes you fat. So our challenge as men, is to lead as balanced a life as we can.

No one is going to do it for us though…we have to self-regulate. That’s why it’s important to look in the mirror frequently and make an honest assessment of yourself and improve the things that need improving. That is what this show is about, constant, perpetual improvement as a man.

I have a wide variety of listeners from many different countries now. Pride is dealt with differently in different cultures. Some of you listening will realize that you don’t have enough pride, you will see that is whats missing. Others may realize that you don’t have enough humility, and you can work on that. But the goal, the objective…is to make an accurate assessment and then strive to attain balance.

That’s it for today guys. Now head out into the world and be a proud man! Acknowledge your accomplishments, recognize the things you do well and then go ahead and feel proud about it. At the same time, remember to have humility…you aren’t better than anyone else, you are just better than you were yesterday.

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120 – Pick Your Battles

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 28 Oct 2016 07:05:15 -0500

PICK YOUR BATTLES…

Before I get into the content today I want to give a shout out to the newest Patron of the show, Paul Schmeider. Paul went to the Patreon page and he is making a financial contribution to help support the production of this show. If You appreciate the content here and would like to join Paul in keeping this content coming out three days a week, just click on this link: >> Patreon.com and That will take you right to the Patreon Page where you can watch the video I made and learn all about it.

OK! Today a listener of this show, and a former Mantoree suggested that I do an episode about picking our battles. In light of the current political climate…I would have to agree.

You can’t browse social media these days without seeing something offensive or contrary to your way of thinking…regardless of what you believe in. I have a lot of Facebook friends, the majority of whom live in Norway, but I also have lots of relatives and friends on social media as well…as we all do.

Right now, on my social media platforms about half of everything I have to look at is political in nature. Many express wildly different viewpoints.

Some are ok, just people making a point or expressing support for their candidate, while others are horrible, bordering on vile and insulting. Some people broadcast insults with a very broad brush and include everyone who supports either candidate. This, of course incites an equally vile, defensive response, and America as a whole drifts further apart.

This is to be somewhat expected in an election year…I get it. It seems a little more intense than usual this time around though. I find myself having to exercise extreme control…it’s difficult at times to not get sucked into some discussion that will ultimately go nowhere and probably upset someone I care about. Right now, more than other times, it is especially important that you pick your battles.

It is for this exact reason that I choose not to discuss religion or politics on this podcast, because these are things that divide people immediately. For example, if I were to start promoting either candidate, or a third party, or lift up one religion over another on this podcast…I would lose many of you because of the decisive nature of those positions. I prefer to concentrate on the things that make us similar rather than the things that make us different.

The things that make us similar are much more substantial as well…like, we are all human beings…of the same exact species. We are men, we are brothers, and uncles, and fathers and sons and husbands. We all reside on the same piece of rock that is hurling through space. These are things that make every one of us similar, they are undeniable, dramatic, and profound things.

Meanwhile the things that separate us are all like vapor, they are without mass or form…they are merely ideas, opinions and beliefs that begin as tiny electrical sparks in our brains, and they are responsible for more bloodshed than anything else in the history of the planet.

Does it have to be so? Does our very humanity doom us to this behavior? I personally don’t think so, not if we pick our battles.

So what does all this have to do with being a better man? Well, you have heard me say many times that our relationships are the most valuable things we possess. With that being said…as men who are trying to be better men, it is incumbent upon us to be good stewards of those relationships.

During this election cycle I have seen friends unfriend other friends. I have watched helplessly as family members get angry at other family members and stop talking to them because of what they posted on social media. I have seen insults hurled, and names called and relationships in general be compromised…and for what? Why? Because people are reacting without thinking…you must pick your battles.

Too many people are becoming so emotionally attached to an opinion or a belief that it winds up taking priority over their relationships. This is kind of a tragic phenomenon, because down the road, long after this election has come and gone you might want these people to be in your lives and depending on how severe the damage done was…that might be tough.

You have to pick your battles carefully. You have to make a determination on whats more important; maintaining a relationship with someone, or cramming your own point of view down their throat.

I don’t tell people what to do on this show, but I do give you things to think about, and I encourage all of you to pick your battles wisely. Your relationships are more important than anyone’s opinion, and if they aren’t…maybe you should evaluate that relationship.

I have certain rules that govern my social media interactions, my rules might be more strict than yours need to be because of the sheer diversity of people I have, but…if you make some rules of engagement for yourself it can help you when deciding how to pick your battles.

1. For one I almost never post controversial material, and never on purpose. Not because I don’t have an opinion…but because I don’t think Facebook is the right platform. I have never seen anyones mind get changed on Facebook, have you? Instead I only see it divide people. And if you decide to post something controversial you have to be prepared for a challenge…because it always comes. If I am going to engage in a controversial debate I choose to do it in person.

2. My next rule is that I consider other people’s timeline like their house. You wouldn’t barge into someones house and start screaming at them about how wrong they are would you? Then why would you do that on their timeline? If I don’t agree with a post I won’t say anything. I will disagree with comments occasionally, like I did in the earlier example, but I was still in agreement with the original post.

3. My third rule is that I don’t allow people to post controversial stuff on my timeline. If someone does then I delete it immediately. Again…it’s like putting a political sign in someone else’ yard, I think its rude.

4. Lastly, when I do respond to a comment or find myself embroiled in a disagreement I do so with facts and figures, rather than emotion. Just like in real life…the second emotions enter the picture the whole thing becomes pointless, now you are arguing about ideologies and beliefs, things that are felt rather than known. There are never any winners to such an argument so I refuse to participate. Of course to never call names and never resort to personal insults goes without saying.

So those are my four simple rules, and because of them…none of the relationships I care about have been casualties of this election year.

I encourage you to decide what and who is important to you, and make your own rules of engagement, and then live by them. Pick your battles, instead of letting the battles pick you.

It’s important to have opinions and to know where you stand on things. It’s not just important, it’s imperative that you do. I am not suggesting that you become a passive mamby pamby guy with no convictions. Rather, I am suggesting that you decide when and where to express those views, You pick your battles. If there is nothing to be gained then perhaps it isn’t worth your energy. Likewise, if the potential loss of relationship is high, then perhaps…it also isn’t worth your while.

Ok guys, it’s the weekend, so head out into the world and you be the master of you. Don’t let other people determine your actions. You decide when and where and if you engage in differences of opinion. In the process you are caring for the most valuable things you have…your relationships, and you are being a better man today than you were yesterday.

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119 – Race Relations

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 26 Oct 2016 07:05:21 -0500

RACE RELATIONS…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is Race Relations…it’s about people just being people.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Race Relations, is about the first time I encountered prejudice and real racial strife…and how I dealt with it. I don’t recommend anyone do exactly what I did in the story…but, it should give you some things to think about.

Special SHOUT OUT TO THE NEWEST PATRON: MATTI ROWE and PAUL SCHMEIDER!! Thank you Matti and Paul, for supporting the show! If you want to be like them, check out the link below, you will see my new video on Patreon, I’m throwing an ax and everything! https://www.patreon.com/Alf_beingabetterman

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118 – Mentorship, With Guest: Tom Schwab

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 24 Oct 2016 07:05:21 -0500

MENTORSHIP, WITH GUEST: TOM SCHWAB…

Today I had the honor of hosting a special guest.

This man grew up in the west suburbs of Chicago, he joined the Navy when he was 17 and by 18 he had already been around the world. He graduated from the US Naval academy in 1987 and his very first job in the Navy was running nuclear power plants.

He went on to meet his love and get married…in his own words he says that he married up…way up. Together they have four amazing children, 1 son in law, and two grandkids…so far.

They now reside outside of kalamazoo Mi., he loves to run and has done 7 marathons. I’m talking of course about the man known as Tom Schwab.

Tom Schwab is now a man who helps other people.

He helps other people grow their online businesses. he is the author and creator of a book and an online course called CONNECT; helping people grow their business as a podcast guest. He is the founder of interview Valet, a concierge level booking service. He is an expert and authority in the building and marketing of online businesses.

The reason he is a guest on the show today however…is because Tom Schwab’s particular set of experiences and talents have also made him passionate about the topic of mentorship. A topic that, as you know is very important to me and something that is integral to all of us who want to be a better man today than we were yesterday.

One reason I have guests is so that you the listener can have the benefit of hearing the opinions of other men…besides me.

Every man has a unique experience and a unique perspective, Tom Schwab has had experiences I have not had…so they are something I can learn from, and you can too.

Tom Schwab said he would set up a special web page for Being A Better Man listeners, in it he will list several resources he mentions in the episode as well as a digital copy of his book! You can check that out here: http://interviewvalet.com/betterman

He definitely brought a lot of value to the topic of mentorship today, here are some highlights:

The unexamined life is not one worth living.

Success is really all about yourself…but significance, is when you are able to impact someone else.

If you want to learn something, one of the best ways is to teach it…but if you want to examine the core values and principles of yourself, and really get to know yourself better…become a mentor.

There is no such thing as a one-way mentorship.

Every man is one step away from stupid.

What’s ordinary to you will be amazing to someone else.

Mentoring is about sharing your wisdom, so start figuring out what you have to share, what value you can bring to the world.

Tom Schwab also shared a great analogy about the difference between building a hot rod by yourself, in your garage…as opposed to building it on the front lawn. It is a great illustration of how mentorship works and how men can help each other.

One great thing I got out of the interview personally is the realization that I need to ask for help more…I need to reach out and make myself more available to the wisdom and help of others instead of trying to do everything by myself. Thanks Tom…I will start trying to implement that in my own journey.

Alright guys…now head out into the big wide world and be open to learning from other men, if you don’t currently have a mentor a strongly encourage you to find one. You have me here for starters, I’m always willing to help when I can and I’m just an email away, but get out in the world too, meet people, find a mentor and at the same time…start sharing your unique wisdom with others as well. It is another fantastic way that we can all be a better man today than we were yesterday.

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117 – Pack Culture

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 21 Oct 2016 07:05:16 -0500

PACK CULTURE…

PACK CULTURE…

OK, what I want to talk about today is something that has never really been on my radar before…but since I’ve been doing this podcast more people are talking to me about stuff that I never really considered before. One of those things has to do with the behavior of men in a group, and it has to do specifically with behavior directed at women. I am calling this behavior “Pack Culture”, because I don’t know what else to call it.

It’s important to note that it isn’t just women who are the victims…it could be any gender or group of people that finds themselves in the minority, but for the ease of communicating this problem I will refer to women specifically.

Most of the cases I’m hearing about seem to happen in the workplace, in situations where there are a majority of males and a minority of women.

What’s happening is that the women are being subjected to unwanted sexual advances, demeaning insulting comments, and they are frequently the target of off-color jokes and other forms of harassment.

When the women in question reject advances made by their male colleagues, or stand up for themselves and demand a little respect, then the abuse intensifies to the point that many women ultimately quit their job in search of a less hostile workplace, or they pursue legal action…or, in some unfortunate cases, they succumb to it.

Apparently this behavior is extremely widespread based on the reports I’m getting. If anyone listening has a story that corroborates this, I invite you to send it to me, just write me an email.

Some of you listening might be like, duh…this isn’t new information. I apologize for my naivety on this matter…but it has never been on my radar, because this is the opposite of how I was raised. I have never been in a group of men where this happened and if I was…I would be the first one to try and correct it…because…its wrong. It’s just plain wrong and it sickens me to know that its happening. It’s the exact opposite of being a better man.

I’m calling it Pack Culture because in the accounts I have heard of, it seems to fit the pack mentality…like for example, a pack of wild dogs. There is usually a bad Alpha male leading the group. Yes…I make a distinction between bad Alpha’s and Good Alpha’s. Our prisons are full of Bad Alpha’s.

Anyway, this bad Alpha leads by example and then the other guys in the group follow his example in an effort to find their own niche in the pack. Every pack has a pecking order. Guys who don’t follow suit, suffer their own form of abuse. Eventually the pack culture is in place and the ones who suffer the most are the women in or around the group.

Guys…what’s going on? This is not the behavior of men, this is the behavior of wild dogs. Where is the intellect? Where is the responsibility and reason? I suspect that some of you listening may have been swept up in this behavior before and become a part of one of these packs of ill-behaving men. If you want to share your story with me I’m all ears…just write me an email about it. Because its hard for me to understand what takes place inside your head that makes it seem OK to mistreat other people.

It seems that this pack culture is in every walk of life, in every type of work environment from the military to high powered office jobs, public servants and everything in between.

Earlier today I was talking to a woman who went through this. I don’t want to give away too much information because she may be a guest on a future show and she is currently in litigation around it. I was appalled by her story. It made me sad. And the whole time she was telling it I kept thinking…where was the good man? Where was that guy who would stand up to the pack culture and make the other guys understand what they were doing was wrong?

From my perspective it’s hard to believe that in any group of men there isn’t at least one guy who will stand up and say:

“Wait a minute…these women are just as valuable as you, these women are someones daughter, sister, wife or mother and the way you are treating them is unacceptable”.

Where is that guy in these situations? I don’t know where he has been…but I’ll tell you where he is going to be. He is the guy listening to this podcast. I’m charging all of you listening with the task of being that good man. You guys, who are committed to being a better man today than you were yesterday are the guys that are going to be a man in the face of this pack culture. If you need help or advice about how to do it get on the website and write me a letter and I’ll help you…but you have to do it, because it’s imperative for the forward movement of our species.

Don’t wait for another guy to step up…you be that guy.

The society we live in today is kind of insular; a lot of people keep to themselves and mind their own business. people live right next door to people they have never even talked to…so I get how the idea of standing up and speaking out for other people might seem radical, or foreign. I guess what I’m suggesting, is that you get over it. Be a man in spite of society, in spite of pack culture.

There will be a number of guys who will hesitate out of concern for their own personal safety, and that is a warranted concern. In some of these situations it might be dangerous to speak out. To that I say…”So what! How do you think the women and other people feel who are the targets of this abuse?” In most cases calm, confident, precise language will get the job done. Not everyone in the pack is all the way in, and when they see your stance they will join you, because you are being a leader.

In my experience 98% of bullies are cowards at their core. For that other 2%…well, I think there are worse things than getting beat up, one of those things is going to bed at night knowing you could have helped someone…and you didn’t. That choice is up to you.

I’m going to wrap it up there for today, I suspect there will be more talks about this and I’m looking forward to hearing your experiences with regard to this matter. It’s a serious thing though. we are men, and we are better than this.

Now head out into the world armed with the knowledge that you are a man, Be responsible for the things you do…and the things you don’t do, but above all be true to your own version of truth and rightness, and you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

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116 – Cars Need Oil

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 19 Oct 2016 08:04:38 -0500

CARS NEED OIL…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is Cars Need Oil, you’ll see why its called that when you listen to it.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Cars Need Oil, has to do with cars…and oil…but more importantly, it is a story about a time when the lesson I learned came from my observation of someone else, and it made my life better.

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115 – The Magic Of Words

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:17:13 -0500

THE MAGIC OF WORDS…

Today I want to talk about something you don’t hear every day, but I think about it a lot. That is…the power, or like the title of this episode says; the Magic, of words.

Among all the creatures on the earth, humans are the ones who invented words. All animals communicate in some fashion…but we do it with words. What is a word but a specific sound made that has a specific meaning that can be remembered and repeated to convey that meaning? Words are quite simple, but they are also ingenious, and incredibly powerful, and I think we take them for granted a lot.

I obviously rely on words as the host of this podcast. I have to string together a certain combination of words, and when I do…I magically inject your brain with the concept I am thinking of. It’s kind of fascinating when you think about it; suddenly my thoughts are inside your head.

Simple words have started wars, ended relationships, changed lives for both good and bad. One simple word can either make somebodies day…or bring them instantly to tears.

Words, either written or spoken are incredibly powerful, and should be wielded very carefully, with great caution. Words are tools, neither good or bad until we give them meaning with our intention.

Words all start out the same way, in our brains as an idea…a thought, an abstract thing that only exists within our skull.

When we speak or write that thought it becomes a word that carries our thought out of our head onto the physical paper, or our thought travels through space in the form of sound waves created by the vibration of air over our vocal cords.

Either way, when another human hears or see’s our thoughts…our words, they immediately understand it. Now it becomes a thought in their brain.

I realize I’m getting a little philosophical about words here…but there is a reason for that. It’s important to understand that our brains don’t always evaluate words correctly. We have two minds; a conscious mind and an unconscious mind.

Our conscious mind is awake, its the one we are aware of. It can tell the difference between a joke and a serious comment, it can evaluate the truth and merit of a word it hears.

However…our subconscious mind, the one operating in the background that we are not aware of and don’t control is also hearing and seeing these words. Our subconscious mind believes what it hears, its not capable of distinguishing between truth and lies, sarcasm and reality. It processes the words it hears and then subtlety informs our conscious mind of things, and we have no idea that’s going on.

Thats why if a child is told all their life they won’t amount to anything…there is a good chance they won’t. Where as if a child is told over and over how capable they are and what a great future awaits them…it can have the opposite effect.

It doesn’t end with children…we sabotage our own subconscious with derogatory statements about ourselves. We truly are our own worst enemy. Have you ever heard the saying: “If you say you can’t do something, your probably right”? It’s really true, and thats because of the phenomena I’m talking about.

Our conscious mind is telling our subconscious stuff, that our conscious mind then believes. If you keep telling yourself that you are fat, and you can never lose weight…guess what? That becomes a reality. If you tell yourself you aren’t as smart as other people, or that you don’t deserve to be happy or that it’s hard for you to make friends…then yep, thats right…that will become the reality. Words become reality! That is what is so magic about them. With our words we speak reality into existence.

OK, now imagine…imagine if you only said good things about yourself. It’s a little hard to get used to, but what if you said only good things about yourself even if you didn’t consciously believe them? What if you said them out loud so they became something more than a thought, and you let your ears hear them?

It may sound like hocus pocus…but this is a principle of the mind that works in both directions. In the same way you sabotage yourself with derogatory comments…you can improve yourself with positive reenforcement.

People have known about this for a long time…this is not new information, that’s why there are so many positive affirmation books out there…little positive statements you read every morning while you are going to the bathroom. So people have known about it…but not that many people do it, unfortunately.

I think it’s because we simply forget. We forget about the fact that our subconscious is always lurking around…listening. We live completely in the brain that is awake and it’s easy to forget about the other mind that has so much influence over us. That’s why I’m here…to remind you.

What I hope you take away rom this episode is just how powerful words are, I want you to understand the responsibility of having thoughts…that become words. Not just for yourself, but for everyone else you deal with each day…and particularly with children.

Words mean things, they are magical, and powerful, words create the reality we all live in.

That’s all I’m going to say about words for today…think about it, mull it over. Next time you talk consider what kind of reality you want to create.

If you enjoyed my words about words today…please share it on social media and however else you can think of. Help me spread the word about this podcast.

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Now head out into the big world and remember that your subconscious mind is listening to everything you say…and so is everyone else. Your words are powerful tools of creation, so use them wisely, and be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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114 – Emotional Responsibility

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 14 Oct 2016 08:05:45 -0500

EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY…

Hey before I get into the topic today, I want to thank everyone for listening. Last Wednesday was the biggest day we have ever had here at Being A Better Man; over 1130 of you listened to the show that day. The previous record was set back in March with 1102. Actually listenership has been up every day the last couple weeks and it’s all because of you guys out there listening, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You might be wondering what I get out of it, why the number of listeners matters to me. I’m not getting paid for it, this content is completely free after all. I’ll tell you…what I get out of it is the satisfaction of knowing that there is an army of guys out there walking around every day, looking for opportunities to be a better man. That’s amazing to me, it satisfies my soul and it keeps me going, and it makes the world a better place..

If you would like to show your financial support for the show however, there is a way you can do it for as little as 8 pennies, 8 cents per show I release, that’s about one dollar per month. To find out more about that go to patreon.com.  I really appreciate your support, it means a great deal to me, thank you.

Ok, so the last episode, number 113 was called Best Friends…it was kind of a tear jerker. Not all stories can be happy and funny, some of them need to be sad because thats how life is, and we are talking about life after all right.

It was an emotional story for me too, you could probably tell…I had to take a couple breaks while I was recording it because it conjures up a lot of very real, very powerful emotions for me. Thats kind of what I want to talk about today. The difference between sharing authentic emotions in a manly way, as opposed to the unsolicited flagrant display of your weaknesses as a man. One of these works, and one doesn’t…that’s what I’m going to talk about.

As human animals we are all endowed with emotions, they are necessary for our survival just like our intellect, and our physical bodies are, they are part of the equation. There is a wide range of emotions too; fear, anger, love, hate, joy and sadness to name a few.

Of these…some are thought of to be perfectly fine for a boy or man to display, while others are frowned upon. I reject that theory, I always have. To me it always made sense that I was intended to use all the things I was given. In my way of thinking, to deny an emotion is the same as denying hunger, or thirst, or any other need I might have.

As a result, I’m kind of an emotional guy. I am moved to happiness and joy quite easily, I am also moved to tears pretty quickly. However, 90% of the time when I am moved to tears it is because I am profoundly happy. I am touched positively in such a way that my body can’t contain my emotions, like when my children were born for example, and that is when I cry tears of joy. Likewise, when I experience great, sudden, and tragic loss I might cry…like in last Wednesday’s story, or when my dog Adrienne died last year, but these instances are few and far between…they are the exception. But they are all authentic, emotional responses.

I never cried from physical pain, not even as a child. I would yell and scream, but I wouldn’t cry. And it doesn’t make sense to me either, crying from physical pain…because that is a physical thing, and crying is an emotional response.

To me this whole idea that crying in itself is synonymous with weakness is just stupid. At some point in the development of our culture the idea took hold that men should not show their emotions. My fathers generation, and his fathers before him lived by this rule, and guess what it got them? A lower life expectancy than women. It’s not healthy to bottle all that stuff up and deny portions of your human expression, and those emotions always find a way out regardless…maybe in another form like rage, or hate, or anger and aggression.

In short, my opinion is that men who try to swallow or deny certain emotions and unconsciously replace them with others are living a life that is out of balance, and unhealthy.

So that is one side of the coin. On the other side are guys who abuse the privilege. Rather than share a genuine, emotional response they are the ones who indulge in the flagrant display of every weakness they have. I find it appalling, because that is not the behavior of a man…it’s the behavior of a child. Men who engage in this behavior on social media or elsewhere are, in my opinion, doing it for the sake of sympathy, attention, or as a means of manipulation, just like a child…and it is not very manly at all.

It can be a fine line, but there is a difference between, for example, informing your friends on Facebook of a tragic or joyful event in your life, because they are your friends and they would want to know…or, whining about how hard your day was and how mean your boss is, or how angry traffic makes you, or you stubbed your toe on the coffee table, or how another friend disrespected you, or how unhappy you are with your weight, how lonely you are, etcetera, etcetera, on and on…who cares? Boo hoo!!

These are all things you should be figuring out how to deal with and improve as a man, rather than seek the sympathy and condolence of others in the form of likes on social media. Do you see the difference between authentic emotions and sympathetic pandoring?

Everyone wants the men in their life to be strong, stable examples of manhood. We men are the force that bring a sense of peace and safety to those around us. But a man can admit he is afraid without being a sniveling coward in the corner…by countering fear with courage and doing what he needs to do in spite of it. Expressing an emotion does not automatically make you a slave to it.

A man can admit to experiencing grief, and cry without becoming incapacitated and non-functional.

I have a big problem with guys actively looking for sympathy. Sympathy is not an emotion expressed by yourself, rather, it is an emotion extracted from other people. In order to gain someone else’ sympathy we have to engage their emotional spectrum and drag them into whatever drama we are experiencing…and that, in my opinion is the opposite of sharing your strength, there isn’t anything masculine about it.

As men I think we should embrace our emotional sides, and be expressive, but we need to do so responsibly. Just because we are having an emotion doesn’t mean we are not still a man, subject to the responsibilities of our manhood.

For example, I don’t want the people I care about to be sad, so I would share my sadness in a way that they respect and understand. Like when my mother died I posted about it, but it wasn’t a “poor me I lost my Mommy” post, it was a “How lucky I was to have known such a great woman post”…see the difference? As men we have to be responsible, I think, for how our emotions will affect others.

It all goes back to the basic message of truly knowing yourself, because that will help you find that balance. The better you know yourself the more capacity you will have to be the best man you can be in all areas.

Hey guys, if you got something out of this episode do me a favor and share it with a friend, its really easy to do from my Facebook page, you just click on share… Help me get the word out, thank you.

Now head out into the big world, and don’t be afraid to embrace your emotions, but consider those around you, be responsible for your own emotional footprint and find a way to do so that instills respect, rather than sympathy. Do that, and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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113 – Best Friends

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 12 Oct 2016 08:05:06 -0500

BEST FRIENDS…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is Best Friends, it’s kind of a sad one…but it has a good ending, and a great lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Best Friends, is actually kind of heart wrenching…at least it is for me, still. It it taught me something very valuable early on in life, as you will hear when you listen.

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112 – Dealing With Death

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 10 Oct 2016 08:07:13 -0500

DEALING WITH DEATH…

Thank you for sharing my journey, thank you for joining me on my personal path of being a better man today than I was yesterday.

I’m just like you; I’m a guy who wants to improve, to be a little better man each day. I’ve been on this path of improvement for awhile, and this podcast gives me an opportunity to share my experiences and insights with you. It allows me to pass along the things I have learned and the observations I have made.

It is not required that you agree with everything I say either…even if you don’t agree, you may still be prompted to formulate your own ideas about things, and decide how you want to live, what kind of man you want to be…and thats the really important part.

It should come as no surprise, that things that happen in my life right now will have some influence on the content of this show. That is the case with this episode.

Over the weekend I got the news that My Uncle passed away. He was my Mother’s baby brother. He was perhaps the toughest man I ever knew, A brilliant mechanic, a loving father, husband and brother. He also had his faults as we all do, but his laughter will be missed. So right now my entire family is dealing with this fact. I want to be very clear that I’m not telling you this for sympathy or anything, I don’t need your condolences. It did however cause me to ponder the many ways in which people, men specifically, deal with death.

I handle death differently than most people I know. Many people, especially in our western culture really try to avoid the topic of death at all costs…they consider it a morbid, taboo topic. As though it is something inherently bad. That makes it difficult to have conversations about death in general, and I think that’s unfortunate.

I never really understood this myself. People seem to focus only on the finality of death, on their own loss. They act as though every single death is a tragedy. While I see death as merely another aspect of life, an inevitability that we all must deal with at one time or another. To me its a completely natural thing that happens, just like being born.

Every single person we know, every body…will be dead one day, including you and me. We can’t avoid it. When I watch an old movie I think about the fact that every single person on the screen is dead now. Every winter the leaves on the trees die, every creature that walks, swims or crawls will die and be replaced by the next generation…it really is, a part of life. So doesn’t it make sense to prepare ourselves to handle it in the best way that we can?

I personally had a problem with death when I was a kid. Around 7 or 8 I had a few elderly relatives die and I went to some funerals. When I was 8 my beloved dog Lady died tragically. I overheard from adults that before me there was was a child born in my family who was still born, an older sister I never got to know. All of these things crashed down on my little brain, and In trying to understand and process it, I went a little crazy.

In trying to understand death, I became obsessed with it, and incredibly fearful of it. Every night when I went to bed I truly believed I was going to die during the night. I stopped telling my parents goodnight when I went to bed and instead would tell them a heartfelt goodbye, as though I would never see them again.

It affected my behavior. I was afraid to go to sleep each night. And when I woke up each morning I was so relieved and joyful that I had been granted one more day to live.

My parents eventually noticed that something weird was going on with me. One day my dad took me aside and had a talk with me about death. I don’t remember what he told me…but I remember that whatever it was fixed my problem, I wasn’t afraid of death anymore. I was free once again to live my life as a normal child.

Whatever magic words my father imparted to me that day, even though I can’t remember what they were, forever altered the way I dealt with death. It also seemed to make me a student of death, or more specifically, a student of how other people deal with it.

Many people act as though dying is the worst thing that can happen to you. I disagree, I think there are many things worse than death…like not living well, like not tending to ones legacy in life, like wasting ones talents and gifts or falling far short of your potential during this small window of time that we have on earth. To me, these things are much more tragic than the act of dying.

We all experience loss when someone dies. My mother died almost four years ago and I miss her terribly, I miss not being able to see her and talk with her. I was sad for myself when she died but I was very happy for her, because she was free of the pain and discomfort of life. It’s natural to be sad and grieve the loss, and it’s important to allow ourself the opportunity to do that.

In all my experience there is something I have noticed over and over again and this is the main thing I want to talk about. It seems the people who are most adversely affected by the death of other people, are the people who have the most regrets.

What I mean is, people too often pass leaving behind loved ones who did not say the things that were on their heart. The people still living are riddled with guilt because of a fight they had, a grudge they held, or just regret that they didn’t express often enough how they felt about the person who died, or what they meant to them.

It is truly a sad thing. After someone dies its impossible to tell them what they meant to you. It’s impossible to reconcile your differences or make amends for things that went wrong. I think this is one reason people have such disdain for death…because they are so often left to live in guilt for things un done, or un said.

The good news is of course, that it doesn’t have to be that way. We all have the same opportunity right now, today, to make sure all the people you care about know how you feel about them. We all have the exact same opportunity to let go of silly differences and squabbles that come between us. Some of you will…and some of you won’t, those of you who do will be better off.

I also feel that as a man we have another responsibility. When someone dies and it sends a shudder through the fabric of our family…it’s helpful if there is someone there who is able to be strong. It is helpful if there is someone who can be a rock for the other people we care about, who are still alive and are grieving.

I personally believe that is a role a man should fill. Of course women are capable of it too and I have seen many do it, but to me it seems like the more natural role of a man to be a source of calm strength and stability at a time when everyone around them is at their weakest. It is the ultimate opportunity to share our strength with the people we love.

It is difficult, if not impossible to fill that role if you yourself are dealing with guilt and regret over someones passing.

Likewise, when I die I want it to be as easy as possible for the people who love me…so it is also my responsibility to make sure that no body is going to wonder how I felt about them. I don’t want to leave anyone with any guilt over my relationship with them.

This episode might be uncomfortable for some of you. People avoid thinking about death or talking about death and then, when it comes, you are ill-prepared for it. If this topic makes you uncomfortable then I especially urge you try thinking about death another way…because it will visit your life eventually, and part of being a man is being prepared for such things. If this topic makes you uncomfortable it could be a red flag that needs your attention.

I ponder death almost daily, not just my own but the death of others as well. I evaluate the status of my relationships and try to make sure that everyone that I love, knows how I feel. I encourage everyone listening to do the same, because it makes a real difference when the time comes.

Life was not designed to be fair. It is often unkind and dirty and painful. As men I think we should embrace these facts of life, think about them and prepare for them, so that we can deal with them in the best way we can, and be the best help for the other people in our life. Thats what makes the most sense to me.

I’m going to stop there for today, as usual I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode so head click on CONTACT ALF and write me a letter. I want to give a shout out to my new Pateron Patrons; Jake, Calen and Lyndsay…thank you so much for your support of the show, it means a lot. If you want to become a Patron go to PATREON.COM , watch the video and see what you think.

Thanks for listening today guys. Now head out into the world knowing that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. We have today to make a difference, and every time we seize that opportunity we become a better man today than we were yesterday.

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111 – Don’t Settle For Mediocrity

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 07 Oct 2016 08:04:23 -0500

DON’T SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRITY…

Today I would like to talk about mediocrity. Mediocrity has kind of become an institution in human society. It is a mentality that permeates all walks of life; our schools, our work places, our relationships, everything. Anywhere that people are, the spirit of mediocrity is alive and well.

Mediocrity is that thing that informs our subconscious that we don’t need to try harder, that we have done enough. It informs us that it’s OK if we aren’t the best at something…as long as we aren’t the worst. Mediocrity has children being happy to have a C average in school, or sit in the back of the class goofing around instead of being interested and asking questions.

The spirit of mediocrity is what makes you stop running and walk when the coach isn’t looking. Mediocrity tells thousands of people every day, while they are at their jobs, to do just enough to stay out of trouble…but no more.

Mediocrity enters our relationships too…it makes us think that there doesn’t need to be joy, adventure and excitement in our relationships…as long as there isn’t conflict, everything is OK. As long as everyone in the household is doing their chores and the bills are getting paid, every things alright.

But it’s not alright, what I’m telling you today is that mediocrity is not OK. There is more to life, much, much more than just getting by. There is more to life than merely existing from day to day and telling yourself its OK because there are people worse off than you.

To be mediocre, to be average, to be common, has become acceptable these days. Children are being raised in mediocre homes with mediocre families, in mediocre communities, who enforce the belief in them that they are not special…they are just average, and thats OK.

What I’m saying is…that it’s not OK. I contend that no human being has to settle for mediocrity, that it is a choice, a state of mind.

I’m a stickler for accuracy and I have to admit that the word average is not entirely relevant to what I’m talking about, because there will always be an “average”. For example, among all Olympic sprinters there is going to be someone in the middle of the pack, someone in the lead and someone in the bottom, even though they are all incredibly fast.

Average, technically only means the center, or typical value in any set of data. So in every facet of existence there are averages.

However, there is a big difference between acknowledging the fact that an average exists…and being OK individually with stopping there.

I can already sense that some of your hackles are starting to rise up…I can feel the excuses starting to form already, some of you may be feeling defensive because you think I’m saying that everyone has to be some kind of superstar, that everyone has to be exemplary in every way. Well, relax, because I am not saying that at all.

Look, I’ll use myself for an example. There are several areas in which I am average; I have never been a fast runner…my body isn’t built for that, I’m an average runner. Nor am I particularly good looking…I’m not hideous, but I’m not a movie star either…so I’m about average there. There are some things I’m well below average at as well; technology for example and synchronized swimming. Having said all that, the important thing to note is that I do not think of myself as average or mediocre in any way, shape, or form…and neither should you.

It’s not the things we are average at that should define us, rather…it’s what we do with the things we have an aptitude for that matter most.

I believe each one of us were born with certain gifts and aptitudes. Things we are a little better at than most people. Likewise, all of us have a choice wether or not to do anything with those gifts and talents.

The message of this episode is about the mentality of mediocrity. There are people who have wonderful gifts and talents they could share with the world, and they are only prevented from doing that by the mentality of mediocrity that permeates their life. It tells them it’s not worth the effort, it’s too much work, or they are so steeped in the habit of being mediocre that they don’t feel like they deserve to be exemplary.

This all goes back to looking in the mirror guys. When I tell you to look into the mirror and make an honest assessment of yourself I’m not just talking about the negative stuff. I tell you to acknowledge your virtues and identify your weaknesses. Being able to embrace and celebrate the things you love about yourself is just as important as being able to admit what you need to improve.

When you are able to do that something magic happens…you are immediately moved out of the average category, you are no longer mediocre…you are no longer a common man because you are capitalizing on your strengths and improving the other things that are within your power to change. You transform from a common man, to an exemplary man who is improving himself daily.

The second you accept mediocrity as a way of life…that is the exact same moment that you become a common, mediocre man.

I have a wish for everyone listening. It is my wish that for the rest of your life, every time you walk into a room, Every time you leave your home and go out into the world…you will do so wearing the countenance of an exemplary man.

You might be listening and think that doesn’t sound like a real possibility because you’re just a regular guy…nothing special, but I’m telling you…it is a possibility. It all happens between your ears, in that 3 pound mass of fatty gray tissue known as a brain. Your perception becomes your reality.

So…my challenge for you is to start right now, this minute, thinking of yourself as an exemplary man. Do not think of yourself any longer as a common man…no worse or better than anyone else. You have gifts, and talents, and ideas, and opinions that you should share with the world. You are going to take full advantage of your strengths…and work on improving your weaknesses. These are not things that a common man does. A common man lets life happen to him…you, are happening to life.

Well that’s it for today guys. As usual I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. If you love the show and want more, check out how to become a patron by visiting our Patreon page, links will be in the show notes.

Now head out into the world, as an exemplary man. Put that on like a garment every where you go and do not settle for mediocrity ever again. Just by doing that, you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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110 – Guest: Angus Nelson, PART 2

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 05 Oct 2016 08:14:30 -0500

ANGUS NELSON…PART 2

This episode features a guest, Angus Nelson. He is a dynamic, authentic, insightful individual who was kind enough to share some wisdom with us.

The interview went about an hour, so I broke it up into two parts. This is Part 2, if you have not heard PART ! yet, I suggest you STOP RIGHT NOW and go listen to Part 1, episode 109.

Here is A little bit about Angus:

Angus Nelson works with executives of the world’s largest companies as a speaker, coach, and facilitator. As a speaker, he has spoken at corporate headquarters for Walmart, Whole Foods, Coke, BMW and others; he hosts an Inc.com Top 20 business podcast called, “Up In Your Business”; and has been featured on Aol.com, Huffington Post, & VentureBeat.

His book, which is gaining a great deal of notoriety is called “Love’s Compass: How Do You Recover After a Lost Relationship”. Next April, Morgan James Publishing will release his newest book, “Empowering Work.”

I became aware of Angus through a mutual organization, and what really stuck out to me among all his other experience and talents, were his honesty and authenticity. he has had some major transformations himself and he has lived to tell about it.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

Every fear is an invitation to a new reality.

Being intentional, and the fragile male ego.

Having the courage to correct ourselves mid-stream..

Women don’t want a weak or needy man.

What you hear about – you think about. What you think about – you talk about. What you talk about you ultimately will bring about. And much more…

The value is deep, frequent, and amazing…you may want to listen to this twice to make sure you absorb it all.

Here is a link to the book Angus Nelson wrote; “Loves Compass”, that we talk about on the show.

Here are the many ways you can reach out to Angus Nelson yourself:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/angusnelson

FB – fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/angusnelson.fanpage

Instagram: https://instagram.com/angusnelson

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/angusnelson

Linked: https://www.linkedin.com/today/author/angusnelson?trk=prof-sm

MY FACEBOOK PAGE, DON’T FORGET TO TAKE THE POLL!!! https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

Visit my PATREON page, watch the video, become a pledged supporter of Being A Better Man.

109 – Guest: Angus Nelson, PART 1

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 03 Oct 2016 08:14:01 -0500

GUEST: ANGUS NELSON…

This episode features a guest, Angus Nelson. He is a dynamic, authentic, insightful individual who was kind enough to share some wisdom with us.

The interview went about an hour, so I broke it up into two parts. This is Part 1, and Part 2 will play on Wednesday.

Here is A little bit about Angus:

Angus Nelson works with executives of the world’s largest companies as a speaker, coach, and facilitator. As a speaker, he has spoken at corporate headquarters for Walmart, Whole Foods, Coke, BMW and others; he hosts an Inc.com Top 20 business podcast called, “Up In Your Business”; and has been featured on Aol.com, Huffington Post, & VentureBeat.

His book, which is gaining a great deal of notoriety is called “Love’s Compass: How Do You Recover After a Lost Relationship”. Next April, Morgan James Publishing will release his newest book, “Empowering Work.”

I became aware of Angus through a mutual organization, and what really stuck out to me among all his other experience and talents, were his honesty and authenticity. he has had some major transformations himself and he has lived to tell about it.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE THINGS WE COVER IN THIS FIRST EPISODE:

In this first installment Angus tells us the story of how he first became interested in the subject of his book; recovering after a lost relationship. How and what he lost…and how he got it back.

We talk about the paradigm shift, taking the focus off of ourselves…and turning it outwards, and the benefits of that important shift.

We discuss the difference between how men experience and express love, vs how women experience and express love. For example, how women want to be be seen, accepted and adored while men seek respect, admiration and honor.

Women don’t want a weak or needy man.

Angus shares some fantastic advice about child rearing and instilling children with “what it takes”. The importance of compatibility and play in relationships, and much, much more.

The value is deep, frequent, and amazing…you may want to listen to this twice to make sure you absorb it all.

Here is a link to the book Angus Nelson wrote; “Loves Compass”, that we talk about on the show.

Here are the many ways you can reach out to Angus Nelson yourself:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/angusnelson

FB – fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/angusnelson.fanpage

Instagram: https://instagram.com/angusnelson

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/angusnelson

Linked: https://www.linkedin.com/today/author/angusnelson?trk=prof-sm

MY FACEBOOK PAGE, DON’T FORGET TO TAKE THE POLL!!! https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

Visit my PATREON page, watch the video, become a pledged supporter of Being A Better Man.

108 – Examples Of Manhood

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 30 Sep 2016 08:14:52 -0500

EXAMPLES OF MANHOOD…

Today’s podcast is another listener inspired episode. A listener named Rich went through the trouble of going to the website at beingabettermanpodcast.com, and he wrote to me. Now I’m going to talk about what he asked me about. Don’t forget, that you too can be like Rich and send me your questions and ideas also.

So…Rich said this:

“I had a thought the other day about how, while the listeners of your podcast are obviously interested and motivated in becoming better men, how would you go about reaching the guys that aren’t similarly motivated? Can they be motivated if they don’t already have that drive? And if not, how do we instill that drive into them, if that is even possible?”

In my opinion, THAT is an excellent question. Thank you Rich for sending it in.

He’s exactly right, I would agree that the majority of listeners to this show are guys who are already motivated to be better men. They probably did a search and wound up at my website, they were seeking help in some fashion, or…there might be some who stumbled up on it and it resonated with them, and they just kept listening. But most of the guys listening are probably interested or motivated in some way, to become better men.

Hey, while I was talking about this I became very curious…I’m wondering where most of you came from? I’m going to put a survey or questionnaire or something like that on the Facebook page and I would really appreciate it if you would take a second and let me know how you found out about this show. But now back to rich’s question.

So…what about the other guys? How would we go about reaching the men who are not similarly motivated? That’s a good question, and I think I have the answer.

Here is what I think; My job, as the podcast host is to bring you content that makes you think, or that reenforces what you already know. My job is to keep the mission of being a better man in the upper levels of your consciousness, so you remember to act on it.

If I’m doing my job correctly, then you guys are walking around thinking about being better men everyday, better than you were the day before. All of you, including myself spend a portion of time out in the public, away from our homes and families. Out there in the world, where these other men are…right?

Rich asked how these men can become motivated if they don’t already have that drive? My answer is, by seeing you, and me. By observing men like us who know ourselves, who stand for something. Men who will not compromise our behavior, our actions, or our speech. Men who do the right thing. Men like you who are kind, who share your strength with other people around you.

These men will see you being a better man, and it will illuminate their own shortcomings by comparison, it will make them curious, and some of them will gravitate toward you simply because they know you have something they don’t. I have seen that happen many, many times.

Beyond just seeing us, some of these other men will get to know us in some way too, we will have conversations with them. When that happens it is the most opportune moment to have an impact, by speaking plainly and confidently to them about what you are up to. If they have questions, answer them.

I have no problem telling anyone that I intend to be a better man every day until I die….and I suggest that you don’t have a problem with that either.

Rich is right, there are a bunch of guys walking the earth who have no motivation or interest in being a better man. But I believe, that many of these men are living that way simply because all the options were never explained to them. They are living like they know how to, the way they were shown, the way everyone else in their community may have lived.

Furthermore, it is my belief that the majority of people don’t want to be jerks, or criminals, or people nobody likes, or…even average. I think almost everyone, if they were given a choice…would choose to be a better person, if they were mentally intact and they knew they could. Why would anyone choose to be mediocre if it’s possible to be exemplary? Believe it or not there are people to whom that has never been suggested.

Thats where we come in, you and me. I think way back like on episode 1 I said that being a man is a responsibility, and an example. This is where the example part needs to be applied.

See, simply by living life as a better man every day, and being seen doing it, and talking boldly about it when it comes up…simply by doing those things you become an example for other men. If they have never been told about the possibility of being a better man, seeing you actually being better lets them know that its possible, it gives them options.

I know I’m kind of a “glass half full” guy, some of you may be skeptical about what I’m saying…but try it on. If you are being a better man everyday anyways, then you don’t have anything to lose.

Of course there are some guys who are unreachable for whatever reason. They enjoy not being better men and no one will change their mind…OK, I acknowledge that. But if that’s true, then isn’t it more imperative than ever to be the best man you can be yourself, and to be an example for as many other men as you can so that these less motivated men will end up in the minority instead of, the majority?

So that’s the long answer to Rich’s question, the short answer is that it’s our job, yours and mine, the current living generation of men have to be the example for the one coming up, and for the ones who are confused. In my mind that’s how we instill that desire in them, and I do think it is possible.

Just like I always say…we are making the world a better place, one man at a time. I’m not doing that guys, we are all doing that, through our example.

I hope that answered your question Rich. It’s a pretty simple answer, but it’s also profound, and ancient, it has been tested by time down through the centuries, and it works. True, In the last couple centuries we’ve kind of let it get away from us, as humans…it’s time to take it back now.

Well I think thats it for today guys. I hope you all have a great weekend. Remember to go to the Facebook page and look for that questionnaire, because I’m really curious how most of you found out about this show.

Also, check out the Manly Resource Center on the website and support the show by checking out our affiliates and sponsors.

And if you really want to let me know that you value this podcast, head over to my Patreon page and look into becoming a pledged member of the Being A Better Man community. I just uploaded a new video there that you might enjoy; I’m throwing an ax and hitting things while I talk to you, so go check that out.

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Now head out into the weekend and remember, everywhere you go, no matter what you are doing…in that moment, you are the example of manhood for whoever happens to be watching, so continue to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

107 – Broken Trust

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 28 Sep 2016 08:14:35 -0500

BROKEN TRUST…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. The name of today’s story is Broken Trust, its sort of a follow up to the one I did last Wednesday, episode 104. In that story I talked about when I first got my drivers license…today’s story is about when I ultimately lost those driving privileges.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Broken Trust, is actually one of my favorites…because I learned so much! The lessons were profound and life changing, give it a listen and see for yourself.

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106 – Instinct vs Intellect

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 26 Sep 2016 08:14:55 -0500

INSTINCT vs INTELLECT…

I hope everyone had a great weekend, mine was pretty good. On Saturday I sheared 9 sheep…and today every muscle in my legs and back are sore because of it, but its a good kind of sore.

If you read all the way to the end of this I have some news to share with you, I hope you hang around for that, but right now I want to dive into the topic for today.

Everybody knows what instincts are, right? They are innate, fixed patterns of behavior and responses to certain stimuli. There are many, many examples of this, we see it everyday.

The term instinct is most commonly used when talking about animals. Birds build nest on instinct. Squirrels gather nuts, bull Elks fight, Dogs love their owners, cats bury their poop…all of these behaviors are instinctual. They don’t really have to think about it, they are compelled by their nature to do these things.

I don’t think there was a cat that one day decided…hey, if I bury my poop that will be a lot more tidy and I won’t offend anyone, NO! Cats are simply compelled to bury their poop because at some point in the development of their species, burying their poop aided in their survival and it got into their DNA.

The reason I am talking about instinct today is because we, humans…are animals as well. That makes some people mad, but its really kind of scientifically undeniable. We are biological animals.

We are Homo Sapiens of the Kingdom Animalia, the Phylum Chordata, the Subphylum Vertebrata, the Class mammalia, the order primates, and the genus Homo.

We have all the same organs, and our biological systems work just like all the other members of the wild kingdom…and yes, we have instincts too.

Humans are kind of special though. We are at the very top of the food chain. We drastically alter the world around us. What else makes us special is that unlike common animals we have the power to create, to innovate, and to imagine….we have, intellect.

Some people think our ability to create and innovate is evidence of a spark of divinity that resides within us…while others think it is a gift to humans from the divine, while still others think it is just the way we evolved with our super big brains. However we got it…the important thing is that we have it. We possess intellect and reason on one side of the coin and on the other side, we have our instincts and more base functions…because we are also animals.

The title of this episode is instinct VS intellect. That title implies that the two things are at odds with one another and, many times…I believe they are, at least in how they are applied in today’s world.

What prompted me to talk about this, is many times I have seen men directly or indirectly blame their behavior on their instincts, as though they are powerless to behave otherwise…as though they are compelled, like a cat burying it’s poop.

In other words, I have seen men turn their instincts into excuses. You all know how I feel about excuses; they are weak. They are frail utterances that come out of the mouths of people who are not strong enough to own their own actions. Excuses are pathetic.

Probably the most common mis-use of the word instinct by men is in the case of infidelity, and also less severe cases of sexually inappropriate behavior towards women. Look, we have a natural sexual attraction and desire, thats healthy and normal, but when men use this attraction as an excuse to behave essentially, like an animal. Then it becomes disgusting, and very possibly the worst of what it is to be a man.

What really drives me nuts is when society buys into that. Society itself starts making excuses for men and you hear things like “boys will be boys”, or “well he’s just a man, he can’t help it,” and a host of other common excuses for men, when they are not acting like men.

Many of the instincts we possess as humans are very helpful, they even save lives. Like the flight or fight instinct for example. Other instincts developed to establish social bonds and the ultimate continuation of our species.Instincts themselves are not inherently bad at all…only when they are turned into excuses.

The more complex an animals brain is, the more it relies on social learning and the less it relies on instincts to survive. As humans we have the most developed brains so it stands to reason that we rely on instincts less than other animals do. Though, when I’m hiking out in the woods, I bury my poop just like a cat, but for entirely different reasons.

As a human, and as a man specifically because this show is about men, we have the ability to do something that very few if any other animals can do; we can over-ride our instinct and other base primal compulsions, with our intellect.

It’s a pretty amazing ability! When I was a kid and I did something I knew I was not supposed to do…if my parents asked me if I did that thing I would have an instinct come up. The instinct of self preservation, it’s not a natural thing to place ourselves in dangerous or uncomfortable positions. This instinct would tell me to lie, to deny the accusation.

But, my intellect, and what I had gained through social learning as a result of how I was raised gave me the capacity to over-ride this instinct, and tell the truth, even though I would get in trouble. That is a really basic example of what I am talking about.

OK, with all that being said…how do we apply this to our every day life? What kind of value am I trying to impart here?

What I’m giving you today is partly a reminder about who you are and what you are capable of, but more than that, what I am issuing is a call to action.

The call to action is pretty simple, here it is;

“If you find yourself inclined to do something that you know is not right…then, don’t do it. Instead use your intellect to rise above your other impulses.”

That is the call to action.

It’s important to note; I’m not talking about what society tells you is right and wrong…thats a whole other debate. I’m talking about what you know, personally in your own being to be wrong. Then it is a pure case of instinct and impulse over-riding intellect, instead of the other way around.

Our intellect is what sets us apart from the animal kingdom and makes us…men. If we don’t use our intellect to be men, then, what are we…besides just another hairless ape?

In my opinion, to really be a man in the truest sense of the word we need to make use of our intellect, our reason, our imagination, our power of creation and invention. We need to intellectually impose our will onto ourselves, and the world around us.

To do anything else, is invalid. There is no valid excuse for doing something that you know you should not do. Yet, men do it all the time, and most of us, including myself have done this at one time or another.

When this happens the majority of men will justify their actions somehow, some of them will blame it on instinct or nature or whatever, they will claim their right to act against what they admit to knowing, is wrong.

The rest of us will acknowledge what we did, accept the consequences, learn from it, and go forward in life intending to not do that again.

The second, smaller group are men, not just men, but better men, having learned that lesson… The other, larger group, the excuse makers, are not, in my opinion.

That about covers what I have to say about instinct VS intellect for today, it should give you some things to think about as you go through the week. As usual I would love to hear your comments and thoughts about this episode. (Write me here)

Now, for the news I mentioned at the start of this episode.

I’ve been doing this podcast for about 8 months now, all on my own dime. I’m not complaining, its just a fact. Last week I had a meeting with a sponsor who may want to help support the show. I’m kind of excited about that because its for a product that I think a lot of you could use.

However, I really don’t want to wind up having a bunch of commercials. But neither can I continue on forever the way I’ve been going.

I feel it’s really important that I continue producing this podcast. The feedback I’ve gotten from you listeners, backs that up. Men are walking around thinking about being better men…and that is making the world a better place.

So the answer that made sense to me is a website called Patreon. It’s a place where you, the Patrons, the consumers of this content can help support the show and keep it going.

It makes sense to me because, if the consumers don’t find enough value in it to keep it going…then, maybe there isn’t enough value in it?

So I’m asking you to check out the Patreon page at Patreon.com. You can Type Being A Better Man in the search bar, or click the link in the show notes of this episode or on the Facebook page, but check it out. There’s a whole bunch of different levels, you can pledge whatever you like, and when you do…that is telling me “keep going Alf, keep making this podcast”.

It becomes a different type of relationship than being just a listener to a podcast…when you contribute to it, you become part of it.

Once again…here is that call to action:

“If you find yourself inclined to do something that you know is not right…then, don’t do it. Instead use your intellect to rise above your other impulses.”

So thats it for today guys. Now head out into the week ahead and be aware of your instincts…but be more aware of your abilities to over-ride them when necessary. Keep doing the things that YOU know are right, and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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105 – Focus On The Journey

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 23 Sep 2016 08:14:50 -0500

FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY…

I got a letter from a friend today. He’s a young man, I met him because he reached out to me as a listener of this show and we became friends.

In his letter he described his on-going struggle. He has a strong desire to be a better man. He is trying to apply the things I talk about on this show and things I’ve shared with him personally.

He feels like the harder he try’s, the harder it becomes. He is wrestling with some things like a video game addiction, some family issues, and some of the other things that we all encounter on this path of being a better man.

He said he feels like there is an invisible ceiling in his way…he keeps looking for the improvement, for some good to come out of his efforts and he doesn’t always see them. In the meantime he keeps pushing on, trying to be a better man but feeling discouraged, like he is fighting a losing battle.

I decided to share this with you because it occurred to me that if he is experiencing this…then there is a good chance many of you are. The struggle is real. Now I’m going to share an excerpt of my reply to him, and then expound on that a bit.

I told him;

“I have found that nothing worth while is ever easy…nothing.

It might help to focus on the journey, rather than the destination. In other words, don’t get bogged down thinking about where you are trying to get to…do not focus on what you perceive is lacking, because that will expand those things.

Instead focus on the journey! The day, hour, moment you are living in. Focus on the things you are doing well, because then those things will expand. Really, all we have control over is each moment we are living in, prepare yourself for a slow, incremental improvement, and keep living in the present. Because the past is gone, the future hasn’t even happened…all you have is right now. That invisible ceiling you spoke of may be the future…or the past, make it irrelevant by focusing on the moment.

Of course you will have failures, we all do. Don’t focus on them or beat yourself up over them. Just acknowledge them, learn from them, and drive on forward, with the intention of not repeating them. And don’t forget to celebrate your victories…because you will have those too.

Hang in there man, the fact that you are trying is huge in itself.”

So that’s what I wrote to him, and I hope it helps. Look, in these days we live in we are so accustomed to instant gratification, we have become programed for it.

I can totally see how a guy would make a decision he wants to be a better man and then wake up the next day feeling discouraged…because he doesn’t feel that much better yet. Because of our programming, we want to be a better man instantly, and then go on with our lives…but it doesn’t work that way guys.

Like I told him, we have to focus on the journey itself. It’s not something that there is even an end to. The end will come when you stop breathing, in the meantime all we have is this moment we are living in.

It might seem tedious, and slow…and it is. But each day as we consciously do something, every time we seize an opportunity to be a better man…the wheel is turning forward.

If you are living in your past, or bogged down in a future that hasn’t even happened, then you can’t see the progress. That’s why its so important to live in the moment, because then, you can see it! Living in the moment you will have the capacity to acknowledge the things you do well, you will be able to celebrate your victories and be aware of your progress. That’s what focusing on your journey is all about.

Also, like I told him, focusing on the things that are not right, focusing on the things you perceive you lack, or aren’t good at, or that need improvement…will only serve to make those things bigger and more difficult to deal with.

You might be wondering how you are supposed to improve those things if you don’t focus on them. Good question, here’s how.

There are two sides to every coin, right? So for example, lets say you have a problem…like…umm, you swear too much, for an example. You offend women and children with your language everywhere you go and you realize you would be a better man if you could tone that down, that’s the problem.

OK, one side of this coin is you are focused on the fact that you swear too much, you are focused on how you feel it is wrong, you are focused on the guilt and shame you feel when you see the eyes of mothers as they hurry to get their children away from your fowl mouth. That’s one side of the coin. If you focus on these things, they will expand.

The other side of the coin is focusing on not swearing, rather than swearing. Focusing on how great you feel every time you don’t offend people with your language, focusing on how people will regard you differently and respect you more because you can carry on a conversation without offending anyone. Focusing on the fact that you are being a better example of manhood. If you focus on these things, they will expand.

See the difference? One side of the coin is purely negative, the other side is purely positive, even though they are about the same thing.

Think of every issue you are dealing with as a coin. It’s your choice which side of the coin you decide to focus on…whatever you choose, that is what will expand, that is what will get results. Choose wisely, and be patient.

If you re-program yourself to live in the moment and focus on the positive one year from now you will be a better man, five years from now you’ll be even better, and you will continue to improve incrementally until you die. Having left a legacy of a man who lived each day as a better man, than he was the day before.

That’s it for today guys. Hey don’t forget to join the Facebook page, and  I’m on twitter @Alfbeingbetter. While your’e here at the website,  write me a letter, I’d love to hear your thoughts about today’s show or about whatever challenges you might be facing.

While your’e here, also check out the Manly Resource Center, I’m in the process of building that page and adding more affiliates of products and services I use. Check out our sponsor, audible.com and use the link below to download a free audio book.

Now head out into the weekend, remember every coin has two sides…focus on the positive side to effect the changes you want, be patient, and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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104 – Ticket To Freedom

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 21 Sep 2016 08:14:25 -0500

TICKET TO FREEDOM…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. Today’s story id Ticket To Freedom.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Ticket To Freedom, is a coming of age story. I wasn’t sure what the lessons were when I started…I didn’t think there were any. But then, during the telling of it, I realized what they were. There is always a lesson to every story.

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103 – A Female Perspective Of Manhood

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 19 Sep 2016 08:14:13 -0500

A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE OF MANHOOD…

I’m going to get right in to today’s topic, this idea came to me from a listener, a young woman in Colorado. Yes…women listen to Being A Better Man too.

I’m really glad she sent me this idea, because it’s important to consider the female perspective. Women comprise about half of the world population and their input and contribution is vital to the continuation of our species and our civilization.

Also…women provide us with a very important, very real perspective of manhood. A perspective that we would probably never realize on our own because…we are men. Our experience in the world is very different.

This listener shared a perspective with me that I probably would not have come up with on my own, but after reading it, I could see the truth in it and I think it needs to be addressed.

This listener is a professional woman in her 20’s, a college graduate, and she contends that most women see two primary ways in which men try to assert their masculinity in the world.

As I go over this try not to get activated…don’t try to judge the truth or accuracy of her position as it applies to you. The thing is…its valid, because this is her perception, and if she see’s it this way then it’s likely a lot of other women do as well. So lets learn what we can from this.

So here is what she said; Type A is the smooth operator, the ladies man, the guy with “game”, sexual prowess, the guy that is all about hooking up and putting notches on his bedpost. If this type A guy isn’t especially good looking, then he probably has a lot of money, and he uses it to entice women and effectively purchase his masculinity.

Type B comes from a place of aggression rather than sex. In her words; he “spends endless hours doing upper-body workouts at the gym and getting into bar fights to show the other guys how “alpha” he is.” We all know guys like this, they can be loud and over-bearing in social settings.

She went on to say that aside from type A and B, there is also type C. She said type C guys are the worst from her point of view. She said, and I quote: “this is the most terrifying and annoying group from a women’s perspective because these men act as though your refusing to go on a date, dance with them, or accept a drink is directly denying them of their natural “right” to manhood. When this feeling occurs, these guys will move on from the “sex” method of obtaining “manhood” to the next method, which is to become verbally, and sometimes physically or sexually violent.”

I have heard of this before, though I can’t say I have personally witnessed it…good thing too because the guy would probably wind up in the hospital. But I have heard of young women complaining that when they refuse the advances of a guy he immediately becomes abusive, calling her names or whatever. As though there is a culture of men of a certain age who seem to think they are entitled to whatever woman they desire…as though simply the act of breathing should be enough to win a woman affections.

I don’t know when or how this culture started happening, or what age of men practice this the most…but I do know it’s a horrible thing. Behavior like this is the complete opposite of what it means to be a man in my opinion. They are behaving more like animals.

This listener then went on to describe yet another class of men…Type D. These are the guys who don’t fall onto any of the other categories. They aren’t really good with women, or it’s not a priority… they aren’t physically intimidating or good at sports, they don’t make a lot of money, etc.

These type D guys are often called nerds, geeks, or losers, and regarded as “un-manly” by types A,B, and C. I personally feel bad for these guys, I know the type, they feel invisible in the world, they have no confidence in social situations and I think many of them don’t even think of themselves or identify as a man very often. It’s tragic, because in every one of them there is a dormant man who is living an unrealized life. A lot of these guys reclaim their masculinity by immersing themselves in the fantasy world of video games where they can be whoever they want, but it’s not real.

Our listener who contributed this topic contends that it is these type D guys who eventually break, and are responsible for the majority of tragic, random events like school shootings and whatnot. I’m not certain this is true…but it kind of makes sense.

She went on to say that there was another type of man, unlabeled by a letter. Guys like me and you, the listeners of this show who are actively committed to being better men. I thought it was nice of her to throw that in. She said we restore her faith in humanity.

After I read her whole letter I felt a little sad. It made me sad that there are women in the world who think of manhood in these four categories; A,B,C, and D. What added to my sadness was that I have known and seen people in these exact four categories she described…and so have you I bet. It’s no wonder that this is a prevailing perception among women.

Imagine your daughter or some other woman in the world you care about who has to contend with one of these choices every day. Imagine if there were no other choices beyond this…who would become the fathers and leaders of the next generation?

Thankfully, there are other choices beyond these four categories. Men like you. Men who have decided there is more to being a man than being a badass, or sleeping with as many women as he can. Men who think it is a privilege to share their strength instead of imposing it. Men who respect other people, who understand that being a man is a great responsibility and that we have an obligation to be an example everywhere we go. Men like you, who are interested in being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Thankfully, we do exist in the world, but merely existing may not be enough. It seems with each new generation, men like us are becoming a smaller and smaller percentage of the population. That’s why I think it’s more important than ever to be an example everywhere we go. At work, at school, at restaurants and even in traffic! I think it’s part of our responsibility to also promote this thinking, to spread it among our peers, to speak openly and unapologetically about the virtues of manhood, and about our desire to be better men.

See, I have another theory. I think there are a lot of guys in the afore mentioned A,B,C,and D categories that might be there simply because they were never taught another way. I don’t think most guys truly enjoy being a douchebag…they are usually emulating someone else, they lack direction and instruction on what manhood really means. I think a lot of these guys, when they see you, being a better man and speaking out about it, living a life of perpetual improvement…I think they might realize there is another choice. That is the power of example. That is the power you possess to make a difference in the world as a man.

I want to thank our female listener again, thanks for reaching out and sharing your perceptions with us, and I invite anyone else listening to do the same.

I also want to thank our sponsor, audible.com, you can download a free audio book about whatever you want, you aren’t obligated to buy anything, you have a whole month to see if you want to continue and the book is yours to keep, it’s a great deal! To take advantage of that go to www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/book.

Alright guys, now head out into the world, and think about this stuff as you go through the week. Be concerned about the perception women and children and other men have of manhood, and be the example. In your circle of people set the standard of what it means to be a man. By doing so, you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

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102 – Own Your Weekend

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 16 Sep 2016 08:14:44 -0500

OWN YOUR WEEKEND…

::::WARNING:::: THIS TURNED INTO KIND OF A RANT…just an FYI

It’s Friday, and everyone is preparing for the weekend. I have some pretty big plans for this weekend myself and I am looking forward to it.

I love weekends personally. Not because I don’t have to go to work…I actually don’t mind working, I often do a lot of podcast work on the weekends because I enjoy it.

I like weekends because that is when most of the other people I know are not working. Thats my opportunity to interact with family members and friends. Thats when all the family birthday parties and anniversaries are. The weekend is usually when most people get married. Most of the big things that happen in peoples lives, happen on the weekend because that is when “most” people are off work.

Notice I said “most” people. There are many, many people in our society that have to work on weekends…and I personally, think that is kind of tragic.

Some of these jobs I totally understand…like police officers, hospital workers, ambulance drivers and firemen. We actually need these people to work on the weekends. But that is something that is well known and understood…those people knew that, and accepted it before they even started the process of getting these jobs, and I respect them for willingly making that sacrifice.

More and more though, through the course of my own working life I have seen other companies gradually increase the number of people that are working on the weekends, or graveyard shift. People don’t even seem to notice it. It’s like when you have a frog in a pot of water and the water is cooking on the stove…the temperature increases gradually so the frog doesn’t even notice, and then he is dead.

But if you just drop a frog in hot water he will try to get out. No…I don’t do a lot of frog cooking, but this frog thing is a common and accurate metaphor for what we are talking about.

So now we have all these people working on the weekends. Oh it’s handy for the consumer…because we can go almost anywhere and conduct commerce, we can purchase the goods and services we need, we can spend our money and it’s very convenient. But do we ever stop to consider what the cost of this convenience is?

We have developed a culture here in America that is all about money. Or more succinctly, about greed. I used to be a part of that system, I worked for a few different places in my life where working on the weekend was mandatory. Now its become almost expected that wherever you work you will wind up working on the weekends.

I worked for one huge box store that has most of the people on a rotating schedule, which means that you got one weekend off a month, then you would have Monday-Tuesday off, then Wednesday-Thursday, etc. Sometimes you would have split days off which is even worse…like Tuesday – Friday or something.

A lot of you listening are probably just used to this stuff and you don’t even know why I’m talking about it. Well, here is my problem. If you are working for that big box store I just mentioned it’s almost impossible to plan your life, because the schedule only goes out three weeks…after that they can do whatever they want.

In my opinion, based on my observations, my theory is that these huge corporations don’t want you to plan your life. If you plan your life then you might actually develop relationships or activities that are more important than making money for the corporation and they can’t have that. They have designed it so the workplace itself becomes your primary social platform, thats where all of your relationships are, your entire world revolves around whatever it is they are selling. The company break room is like your living room. Brilliant…but also diabolical in my opinion.

When I was still working for this company I made a suggestion. Why don’t we bid for schedules? Some people don’t mind working weekends, everyone could bid for a set schedule and have the same days off every week…if you at least knew what your days off were then people could actually plan their lives and everyone would be happier.

What I was told was that the reason it is set up this way is because they are trying to be completely fair across the board. What? Fair? Is it fair to punish everyone? I guess if everyone is equally miserable and disconnected with life then that is fair.

I know fathers who miss all their kids ballgames and dance recitals because of work. I’ve known people who cannot practice their religion because of work, even though we are guaranteed freedom of religion in our constitution…they know if they push it they will lose their job.

It’s all about money guys. Not your money, but the money these corporations rake in thanks to you.

As I’ve said many times, the most important things we possess are our relationships, and it is our relationships that are the primary victims of corporate greed.

Look, I’ve got nothing against money, or the pursuit of money, we need money to live and eat and everything else. But there has to be a balance, there has to be some point at which money or the pursuit of money is not our number one priority.

A lot of people are confused about what work ethic means too. I had a friend who worked at this company for 15 years, he still works there. To him, work ethic means literally selling your soul for the company. He has worked 6 days a week for 15 years. He often works late without getting paid, I have personally witnessed him getting used and abused by the boss and he just takes it. His marriage ended because of the hours he worked and he doesn’t have time to start new relationships.

When I asked him why he puts up with it, he told me that is his work ethic. To me it sounds more like a slave ethic, it is a mentality of slavery. The advice I gave him shook him up a little, it made him think. He still works there but at least he is thinking about it. I told him to imagine lying on his deathbed, at the end of life. What will all this sacrifice have amounted to? How will he be remembered by his kids and grandkids…as the guy who was never home? I told him to think hard about the regret he may have to endure and to ask himself if it all worth it.

Please know that I’m not criticizing you. If you are one of the people caught in this hamster wheel I’m not blaming you, I’m blaming the system. I was caught in the same hamster wheel myself. As a single dad I was working stupid hours and for a couple years there my kids were raising themselves…that’s horrible! I was not being the best dad I could be even though at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. But, those are hours and days and weeks with my kids that I’ll never get back.

So in case you haven’t noticed, I’m on kind of a rant here, I don’t do this very often. But I don’t believe in just complaining about problems without also offering a solution. So…what’s the solution to all this craziness?

Speaking for myself, when I recognized that by life was effectively being stolen by employers, I got a little pissed off. So I started working for myself. To date I have probably spent more time self employed than I have working for other people. But the other thing I did was just refuse to work jobs that didn’t work with the lifestyle I wanted for my family. I insisted on designing my own life instead of letting corporations design it for me.

You might be thinking I was in some privileged position that allowed me to do that…but I would argue that I was not. Instead of going to college I served 5 years in the Army. I have been a blue collar guy my whole life. When I got out of the Army I had zero marketable skills, I also had three kids that I had to feed.

The needs of my family were immediate, so I went to work, and I worked really hard. It took me a few years to gain the capacity to start thinking outside the box. When you are on that hamster wheel, its hard to see anything else sometimes.

It really starts with a paradigm shift that gets you thinking about your life in a different way. It’s my life! It isn’t anyone else’. Therefore if my life sucks it must be my fault, and since complaining accomplishes nothing I had to start getting creative and figure out how to do things different. I had to take responsibility for my own situation. I think that is the solution.

It’s easier said than done, for sure. But eventually I was working at this corporate big box store and I was one of the only people that had weekends off, why? because I negotiated it that way. I effectively communicated my requirements and what I would provide in return. Fortunately the guy hiring me wasn’t an idiot and he was able to work with me.

Look, I know you have to eat, you have to pay rent. I’m not suggesting you go in Monday and take a dump on the boss’ desk. You have to survive.

What I am suggesting is that you start realizing that your life is your fault. That you start right now developing a plan, write it down. Start thinking outside the box, doing research and figuring out what kind of value you can bring to the world…because whatever that value is, is your answer. When you figure out what kind of unique value you can provide to other people, then those people will give you money for it. Thats how it works.

Some of you will not get it. Some of you are content with the way things are and you don’t want to change anything and that’s fine, that’s great in fact because the world needs people like you as well.

But for those of you that get what I’m saying…start now. Start now by taking charge of your life. I think taking charge of your life and being responsible for it is one of the most beautiful expressions of manhood there is. You should also seek out other people that are thinking the same way, surround yourself with people who are also designing their own life.

Well thats it for today guys. I will conclude my rant right there for now, thanks for listening. I had to get this off my chest. I will appreciate any feedback you have about todays show, I would love to hear your thoughts.

I would also appreciate it if you went to iTunes and subscribe, rate and review this show. It really helps the ratings and it helps make the show more visible to others. Most of all though, if you get value from this show then tell your friends about it. Send them links, share it on social media, help me get the word out about what it means to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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101 – King Of The Chickens

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 14 Sep 2016 08:14:51 -0500

KING OF THE CHICKENS…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called King Of The Chickens, is really about dealing with people who want to oppress of dominate you..

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100 – It’s a big deal…

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 12 Sep 2016 08:14:41 -0500

Welcome one and all to the 100th episode of being a better man. Its a very special episode for me…next Wednesday it will be 101 and then we’ll be moving towards 200, it will be back to work as usual…but for now, for today, I am relishing this accomplishment.

I’ve been wondering what I was going to talk about for the 100th episode, and when ever I thought about it one particular dominant feeling would wash over me every time. That was the feeling of gratitude. I am very, very grateful.

I have said it before, but this program truly would not exist without you out there listening. You are listening from every state in America. From there, in order of quantity you are listening from Canada, Australia, Norway and the Untied Kingdom. After that you are listening from all over Europe, Asia, the middle East and Africa…from everywhere in the entire world…except Antartica and Greenland.

Obviously it’s pretty cool to me, knowing that I am getting the message out to all the corners of the earth…but I’m also telling you this just so you will realize that you are not alone.

Wherever you are listening from can seem like a very solitary place. It’s just you, your headphones, and me. But you can also know that there are men all over the world listening to the same message, thinking the same thoughts. Men who, like you…have decided to be a better man today than they were yesterday.

I am thrilled and humbled at the reach Being A Better Man is starting to have. Just yesterday I was doing an interview with Thomas Hayes, a famous comedian and author and an extremely dynamic individual, and a future guest. He lives in Boston, all the way across the country from me, 3,000 miles. He told me that a friend of his, a woman, actually called him up to tell him about this show and that is how he got ahold of me.

It’s all pretty amazing to me and when I think about it I get a little overwhelmed sometimes by the gratitude I feel toward all of you. I am so thankful that you are all taking the time to listen, I’m especially thankful for all the feedback I have received. When I get a letter from someone telling me how this show is making a difference for them, it makes my whole day. I usually print it out and show it to my wife. So please, keep the feedback coming, because it makes me very happy and it inspires me to keep going.

So, for this 100th episode, gratitude is number one. Thank you, each and every one of you.

The next thing I decided I would do is to talk for a few minutes about what exactly this podcast is trying to do, to reiterate the mission, to remind everyone and to inform any first time listeners about why this show exists in the first place.

There are some things I repeat a lot on this show, like “being a better man today than you were yesterday”, and “the things we focus on, expand”, “excuses don’t exists”, “look in the mirror”, “know yourself”, “be honest with yourself”, “it’s no on else’ job”, “personal accountability” etc., etc. These things that I repeat often are at the core of the message. There is power in repetition, repetition causes things to be printed on the brain, it makes them easily accessible.

The purpose of this show is to elevate the idea that you should be a better man each day, to raise it up in the top levels of your consciousness so that as you go through your life these concepts will be easily accessible, you will think about them without trying. Eventually, they will become a habit and then they are part of you. You will recognize the opportunities all around you to be a better man…opportunities that might slip right by if you weren’t in the habit of thinking about them.

I have received reports from listeners that it is working exactly how it was designed. People have told me that after listening to a few episodes they find themselves generating their own thoughts about how they can be a better man…That is so awesome! That is exactly why I am doing this.

So, why is it important to have men in the world being a better man than they were the day before? look around…look at the state of humanity on every continent and the state of manhood specifically. Some places are worse than others but our entire species needs a tune up. With the advent of technology and other advances men all over the world have forgotten what it means to be a man.

When that happens, the ones who suffer the most are the children, and then they grow up with no guidance, no direction, and absolutely no idea of what it means to be a man beyond the placement of genitals. This isn’t important for only boys, little girls need to know what a man is too, and they need to be able to identify a good one when they see him.

Individually none of us have the power to improve or change the world. All we have power to do is to improve ourselves, one day at a time. But…when a few hundred, and then a few thousand, and then a few 10’s and 100’s of thousand men all start focusing on improving themselves…when they start focusing on being a better man today than they were yesterday, then something amazing happens…

Collective change starts radiating outwards. These men become examples for other men, and for their children…those children influence other children. Slowly, incrementally, the state of humanity itself starts to improve and change. The world becomes a better place.

It may seem lofty and arrogant to presume to talk about changing the world for the better, but I strongly disagree. I believe that collectively, it is entirely possible. Collectively, as a movement, as a tidal force we have the power to do anything, including making the world a better place.

Each and every one of you who listen and apply the being a better man philosophy to your life are a part of that change. Go ahead and brag about it, tell others, tell your children…put it on your online dating profile; Hi, My name is , and I am making the world a better place, because I am being a better man.

If you are having a hard time believing what I am saying just think about it a minute. Scale it up in your mind…Imagine, hypothetically, if every man in the world suddenly adopted this way of thinking, if every man was committed to perpetual improvement as an individual and was dedicated to being a better man each day. If that happened, the world would be transformed in an instant! That’s how I know its true.

That’s obviously not happening though, so we have to start somewhere, and where we start is with ourself. That is the purpose of this podcast…to assist you in that effort. Making the world a better place, one man at a time.

In closing out this 100th episode I just want to say thank you once again to everyone who is listening. And I also want to congratulate you, because you are making a difference in your life, and by doing so you are affecting the lives of others. You are being a better man today than you were yesterday, and I for one, am very proud of you.

Now head out into the big world, be vigilant, never stop learning and improving, never stop knowing yourself a little better, and never stop noticing the opportunities all around you to be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Please support this podcast by visiting the Manly resource Center, and taking advantage of the free offers from Audible.com and check out Podcast Websites as well!

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099 – Become A Leader

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 08:14:49 -0500

BECOME A LEADER…

As you know, if you are a regular listener to this show Friday’s are where I kind of talk about whatever is on my mind, but I do try and keep it relevant to the mission of Being a Better Man.

In fact, if you ever hear me babbling about something that is not relevant to being a better man I want you to write me immediately and question it, ok?

Whats on my mind today is the fact that this is episode 99. My next episode on Monday will be number 100. That’s a big deal for me…it’s a milestone. When I started this podcast I had no idea how far it would go…but, here we are and its all thanks to you, the listeners. It really has been an incredible journey so far.

Before I get into today’s episode, I’m going to warn you…it’s a little different, I’ll be talking about an idea that could have great value for you…or maybe not. It might even sound like a great big commercial, I’m not sure yet, but I hope you bear with me, because what I’m talking about could have tremendous value for some of you and it could play a big part in your journey of being a better man.

When I started this I had no idea what I was doing…I didn’t know anything about websites or mp3’s or microphones or anything. All I knew was that I wanted to try and make a difference in the world. I had listened to some podcasts with my wife and I recognized the medium of podcasts as a possible method of conveying a message.

So, in spite of tremendous odds and tremendous ignorance…I went for it. Here is the part where I tie this in to being a better man.

I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback from you guys, that’s really what keeps me going…knowing that I am making a difference to someone out there. Hearing from people that this show has gotten under their skin and now they think before they act, they look for opportunities to be better men every day. That’s amazing and that is EXACTLY why I am doing this.

All this feedback got me to thinking…beyond the message of the podcast itself, I should share the method. Perhaps there are those among you out there who also have a message to share with the world, your own agenda that you are passionate about.

What if this podcast, Being a better man, was able to spawn a few more podcasts by galvanizing a few of you to pick up your own torch and bring your own unique passion to the world in the form of your own podcast?

You don’t have to talk about the same stuff I talk about, it doesn’t even have to be about self improvement at all…it can be about your hobby, your family, or other things that interest you or make you angry or whatever. Whatever your message is…there will be other people who share an interest in that message. If you do that, now you have become a leader. A leader of other people in the discussion of your topic, whatever it is.

Maybe you are passionate about the life cycle of the beef tapeworm, you find it fascinating for some reason…kinda weird, but OK…do a podcast about it and find other weirdo’s that think thats really cool. Now you have become a leader and a community builder…and those are both very manly things to become.

In my case, I simply invited you the listener to join me on a journey I was already on; the journey of being a better man today than I was yesterday. Now I feel kind of guilty because I may be getting more out of it than anyone else.

When I prepare these episodes and figure out what I’m going to say or talk about, it helps ME be a better man. It helps me validate and organize my thoughts so that not only you can understand them…but so that I can too.

That’s the way it works. So whatever your particular topic or passion is, be prepared to become immersed in that thing if you decide to do a podcast about it.

If you are remotely thinking that this sounds like a good idea, then I have something that might interest you.

Like I said, when I started I was starting from scratch, with no prior knowledge. Then I stumbled upon a new service. It was brand new, in fact it was in the beta phase. It was a new concept that was designed to help people who wanted to be a podcaster.

This service did everything different; instead of having all the components of podcasting spread out to different services, each with their own fees and costs…they were a one-stop-shop. In other words, they do everything in one place.

I didn’t know how to build a website, much less one that would work for podcasting, but the tools they gave me made it pretty easy. I didn’t know about hosting or html, writing code or anything…and this service made it so that I don’t have to.

Everything is controlled from the administration dashboard of my website. I still don’t really know what I’m doing…but its all working in spite of that fact because of this amazing service. The best part is…when there is a problem the technical support staff is the best I’ve ever seen in my whole life.

The name of this service is Podcast Websites. They have recently launched an affiliate program that allows me to offer this service to you, with a discount. Not a measly discount either…a lifetime discount. If you become a podcaster and customer of podcast websites you will receive either free media hosting and statistics for life, or…$10 off your monthly service fee for life!

That is a fantastic deal!  How it works is you just go to www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/pw. That is a referral link that will take you to the welcome page where you can schedule a consultation to see if this is right for you. It cost you nothing to do this…It doesn’t matter what country you live in…podcasts are global.

If you do wind up signing up then you use the coupon code HOSTME, to receive the discount you want, and you are on your way to becoming a podcaster and influencing the world around you. In addition to that, you will have direct access to me, to ask me anything you need or want to about being a podcaster, I will be your personal podcast mentor if you want me to be.

You can also find all of this information in The Manly Resource Center, in this website menu.

This might sound like one giant commercial to you…and it kind of is, but it’s also something that I think has tremendous value and potential.

If even one of you use this link and go on to become a leader in your own area of expertise then I think it is worth it, because that will effect all the other people who eventually become your listeners.

It might not be for everyone…for those of you who don’t think podcasting would be a good fit…there are other ways to become leaders, other ways to share your strength and knowledge and influence the world around you. We will be talking about some of these ways on future episodes…but today, we are talking about becoming a leader through podcasting.

For those of you who are intrigued right now, who think you might like to look into this further just click on this link and you will be in good hands…the best hands. I vouch for Podcast Websites 100%. If I can do it…YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

Now head out into the weekend and figure out a way to influence the world around you, be a leader, because thats what men do. Figure out a way to share your knowledge, strength and passion. Do that, and you will be a better man today than you were yesterday.

Once again, the link for this special offer is: http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/pw and the coupon code to receive your discounts is: HOSTME

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

098 – Walk In A Blizzard

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 07 Sep 2016 08:39:21 -0500

Walk In A Blizzard…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Walk in A Blizzard is about a time where I learned the importance of human kindness and hospitality.

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097 – Live With Integrity

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 08:14:44 -0500

Today I want to talk about integrity. It is a huge topic, and I doubt I’ll cover all the facets of it today, but it will be a start.

So integrity…what is it exactly? I always like to look up the definitions of words and then I tweak them a little to make them more accurate, but I found one particular definition of the word integrity that I really love. It is;

“The state of being whole, and undivided.”

Wow, if you say that over and over a few times and really think about what it means…its pretty profound.

So, as a human, what does it mean to be whole? To me it means that all of my parts are together and consistent with each other. All the components that make up who I am are functioning at optimum efficiency, and they don’t contradict each other.

As opposed to being divided as a person…where you say one thing and do another. Or you have different moral principles for different situations. Or you act differently around different people, or you only engage in right action when you know someone is watching. To me, these are all examples of someone who is not whole, they are divided.

So now we have an idea of what it means to be a whole person, how does that manifest itself in daily life? A lot of people use the word integrity, and usually when people use the word they are referring to honesty.

For sure honesty is a major component of integrity, but there is a lot more to it as well.

For example, when you are living as a whole person, with all your parts functioning together, it’s unlikely that you would say things that you don’t really mean. Because to do that would mean that your intentions and your language are not functioning together. A whole person, a person living in integrity, would be much more likely to only say things that they mean…their language would be consistent with their intentions.

Sometimes it possible that your intentions are in-line with your language, you say something you really mean but then you don’t follow through…in that case your intention and language are aligned…but it is your actions that are not functioning together with all your other parts. In that case you are out of integrity.

I have an example of this, there is an area where I am out of integrity right now. On a granddaughters birthday I told her I would plan a special day and her and I would do something fun together…I still have not made time to do that, I am out of integrity in this situation and I will remain so until I align my actions with my language and intention. I don’t even know if she remembers me telling her that, but it doesn’t matter because I remember.

Like I said earlier, integrity is a huge topic and there are many different examples and types of integrity. There are all the obvious ones that everybody knows like stealing, lying, cheating, etc.. of course these behaviors are all out of integrity. Today I am talking about a specific type, a more subtle type of integrity.

I’m talking about the type of integrity in which every aspect of your nature and character are completely aligned…To remain in this kind of complete integrity at all times is very difficult, not too many people can pull it off. Because as humans we have some natural tendencies to do otherwise. Like me with the promise to my granddaughter…I will correct that, but until I do I am out of integrity.

You might wonder…if this is an impossible task then why are we even talking about it, it seems unattainable?

It’s true. A person might not ever attain a level of complete integrity, but…if they are committed to trying, if they are paying attention to every part of themselves and make corrections when they become misaligned, they will have much, much more integrity than if they pay no attention at all.

To attempt to do anything there has to be some value, some payoff. The value of living a life with integrity is immeasurable.

A man with integrity has the respect of himself, and of others. A man with integrity is trusted and believed. A man with integrity has a clean conscience, he sleeps well at night and he can die with no regrets. A man with integrity is fundamentally a better man, than a man who has none.

The first step in aligning all of your individual components and increasing the level of your integrity is to know yourself. You need to work on knowing yourself inside and out, completely and intimately. I believe the greatest favor any man can do for himself, is to aspire to know himself completely.

How can you tell if all your components, intentions, opinions, thoughts and feelings are aligned and in integrity if you don’t even know what you truly believe, or what you stand for? So the first task for every man in my opinion, is to know himself.

It’s not as easy as it sounds…to know yourself. How does a man set out to know himself better? I believe the best way to accomplish that is by challenging yourself, testing yourself in every way imaginable. Do hard things, challenging things, risky things, things that make you afraid. try to accomplish something that seems impossible, and see how far you get. Take the word “failure” out of your vocabulary because the only failure is to do nothing.

So…integrity is the total internal alignment of everything that make you who you are. The pathway to integrity is to know yourself as completely as possible.

That’s all I’ve got on this subject for today, think about it as you go through the week, if you notice some part of you that is not consistent with all the other parts, and you correct it, then you have just became a better man than you were before.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I really appreciate getting feedback, suggestions, and ideas from you guys. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you and I love hearing from you all, and I answer every email I receive. Just hit the Contact Alf button in the menu. Or just write me at alf@beingbetter.men, either way.

Also, I am still looking for testimonials with pictures. If you have something nice to say about the show and send it to me with a little picture of yourself I can use it as a testimonial in my marketing. If you are able to do that I would really appreciate it.

Ok, that’s it for today guys. Now head out into the big wide world and try to be a whole, undivided person, a man of integrity. If you do that you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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096 – The Burning Man Blues

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 02 Sep 2016 08:14:16 -0500

THE BURNING MAN BLUES…

So…as you know on Friday’s I kind of talk about whatever happens to be on my mind…as it relates to being a better man of course.

Right now what’s on my mind is the fact that I am going to be a bachelor until next week, because my wife went to work at Burning Man. For those that don’t know what burning man is, its a huge art and music festival out in the middle of a dessert in Nevada. It’s huge…there are like 80,000 people out there.

For the past 12 or 13 years my wife has volunteered as a Ranger at Burning man. What the rangers do, is they are kind of an interface between the participants and law enforcement. They help keep people safe and the event running smoothly.

We went together last year and it was quite an experience. I couldn’t go this year because I’ve got too many things going on. So when she told me she was going to go, without me…it caused a little problem for me.

It was one of those moments when I had to check myself, I had to take a nice long hard look at myself and make sure of what I thought and felt about it, so that I could communicate it well…without causing more problems. In other words, it presented an opportunity for me to be a better man.

I told her I wasn’t happy about her going alone. Initially she assumed it was because I didn’t trust her or something but I quickly corrected that, because I trust her more than I have trusted anyone, ever.

I explained to her that the problem for me was that she is traveling outside of my bubble of protection. I feel personally responsible for her physical safety at all times and when she is away from me physically, in another town another state, surrounded by people that I don’t know…I can’t help her, she’s out of my reach, and that feeling makes me very uneasy.

She listened politely, and then said something like, she went there alone for years before she met me and she was fine, she knows how to take care of herself, and don’t worry.

So then I had to explain that my feelings in no way reflect my opinion of her competence. On the contrary I think she is brilliant, and extremely competent, and she knows how to deal with other people very well…but, believing all that doesn’t change how my protection bubble works. Her level of competence is irrelevant because the bottom line is that she weighs around 125 pounds…she’s an attractive woman, and there are a lot of very bad people in the world, and if anything were to happen to her I would feel responsible.

Now…a lot of guys in a similar situation would just put their foot down and forbid their wife from traveling outside of their protection. They wouldn’t “let” her go. I put the word let in quotation marks. I did that because I hate that word when it is used in a relationship.

Whenever I hear people say things like “My wife wouldn’t let me” or “My husband would never let me do that” it makes me cringe. It makes me cringe because these are adults talking about other adults. They don’t own each other.

If I respect my wife and believe her to be an intelligent, rational, responsible adult human being on the same par as myself, then I feel I should trust her to make decisions about her own life, even if I don’t agree with them. If I didn’t think she was all of those things, then I would not have married her in the first place.

In return, she gives me the same consideration. She never uses the word let with me, she trusts me, even when she doesn’t agree with me. I have never told my wife what to do or what not to do, and I never will. I expect the same treatment in return.

Instead, what we do is have conversations. We express our concerns, motivations and thoughts to each other in a calm respectful way…and we listen to each other. Sometimes that will have the other person change their mind of their own will.

Like if I want to do something and my wife expresses to me that she doesn’t like it, and tells me why, and how it makes her feel…there’s a good chance I won’t do it simply because I don’t want her to feel bad, I want her to be happy, and that usually matters more to me than the thing I want to do.

Sometimes though…like with this Burning man thing, the other person goes ahead with what they want to do anyway.

So we had our conversations, she heard my side. I explained my protection bubble philosophy to her until I was blue in the face, and she told me in the most loving way she could that she is going anyway.

So what does a better man do in this situation?

Well to be honest at first I got all moody and sulked around a little bit. But then I remembered to stop and take some inventory of myself. I started by remembering the things she had said in our conversations, she had told me a lot of things too…She told me how she feels obligated to perform this service, and to help the other rangers. She told me how it fulfills her, to do a good job that she knows is helping people. She explained all of the safety protocols that are in place and how she will always be surrounded by other rangers.

As I was doing this inventory I realized that by decided to go against my advice that she was giving me an opportunity to grow as a person, and a man.

She was right, after all…she will be extremely safe there. I had these irrational fears that she recognized as irrational, and it was uncomfortable admitting to myself that they were selfish on my part. I was thinking more about how I would feel if anything happened to her, I was really being concerned for myself.

Once I realized that, once I saw it for what it was…now I could make corrections. So I got behind her, I supported her, I helped her pack, I got tools and stuff that she needed and I sent her off on a happy note. Because I did that she is down there right now not having to worry about how I’m feeling, sh can do her job with peace of mind.

I always say we can’t fix things we don’t know are broken, I tell you to look in the mirror and take an honest look at yourself, find something thats wrong and then fix that thing. thats how you become a better man than you were yesterday, and I’m sharing this story with you because it’s an actual recent example of me doing just that. That is how it works.

Now I just have to deal with the fact that I’m not used to feeding myself. I threw my lunch together this morning because I almost forgot to make it at all, and I wound up with a banana, a cucumber and a string cheese…that’s it. I’m a little out of practice, but I’ll survive until she gets home.

Now head out into the world and always be looking for opportunities to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

FACEBOOK:   https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Manly Resource Center, still in construction…if you have any suggestions of good manly resources to add to the page, just let me know.

095 – Don’t Be The Wildebeest

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 08:14:05 -0500

DON’T BE A WILDEBEAST…BE THE LION!

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. Today’s story is Don’t Be The Wildebeest.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Don’t Be The Wildebeest is about those moments in life when it seems hopeless, and there is no one around to help…you have to keep fighting until you prevail…unlike the Wildebeest, who always lets the lion win.

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094 – Being A Better Son

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 29 Aug 2016 08:14:22 -0500

BEING A BETTER SON…

Today’s topic, like the title implies, is about being a better son. Regardless of what age you are, regardless of what your family circumstances are, if you are a guy, then you are also somebodies son.

So why am I talking about this? What does being a better son have to do with being a better man? Well…think about it; if you are a rotten, horrible son or even a mediocre son, then it would be difficult to be a better man at the same time wouldn’t it?

Being a son is part of the equation, it’s part of being a man because all men are sons. Therefore being a better son, is part of being a better man.

Maybe your parents are dead…you can still be a better son and I’ll explain how and why.

Maybe your parents are horrible people that don’t deserve a better son…that’s unfortunate but it doesn’t matter, you should still be a better son, I’ll tell you why in a minute.

Maybe you and your parents are estranged, you haven’t talked to them in years for whatever reason and they aren’t a part of your life anymore…I believe there is still a valid cause to be a better son in that case as well.

Maybe you never even knew your parents. Someone raised you though; your grand-parents, an Uncle, or even foster parents…In all of these relationships, you are the son to these people who gave you a life.

I believe the vast majority of you however, have good decent parents that you love…and you take them for granted. You think more about what your parents will do for you than what you can do for them. I’m talking to you guys too.

As you can see there are many different types of situations in which you can be a son. one mans experience of being a son will be totally different than another mans.

But, there are also some common factors. Like when all of you were born, it was a big deal. On that day, regardless of your circumstance it was all about you. The proof of that, is that you are still alive. You were helpless and weak and pathetic, but somebody fed you. Somebody kept you warm and dressed you in clothes. Somebody helped you live and without them you wouldn’t be here. That somebody is more than likely one or both of your parents, or in some cases your grandparents or someone else…that doesn’t matter so much, what matters is that you were given a life.

So, one reason to be a better son is simply to honor the life you are living, because that was a gift. Regardless of how crappy it may have gotten after you were born you are standing on the earth breathing, and that has value, it should be respected and honored.

We’ve all heard the phrase; “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. That phrase is actually very, very true, especially when it comes to being a son. Think about it…whatever injustice you suffered as a child, whatever crappy thing happened that you didn’t agree with, whatever immoral or dangerous lifestyle you were subjected to…you responding to that with hate or violence or indifference doesn’t fix it, it doesn’t make what happened to you better, or right…it only make your life suck more than it has to.

The only thing that can fix the situation is you, rising above it and being a bigger person in spite of it. You, living a good life, being a better man and prevailing in spite of whatever happened in your past.

You, deciding to be a better son to whomever raised you is one way that rising above it all manifests itself. If you aren’t able or willing to do this, then your entire past will remain an invalid excuse. You will blame everything that goes wrong on that, instead of just being a bigger person and going forward.

In which scenario do you think you will wind up more happy and healthy? The scenario in which you carry a grudge against your parents and childhood your entire life, blaming it for everything? Or the scenario in which you become a better son in spite of it all, and in doing so learn to focus on the present? It’s a rhetorical question.

Ok so what does being a better son look like? Not everyone had a horrible childhood in fact like I said, most people had decent parents if not good loving parents.

For you guys who’s parents are dead, you can honor their memory in many ways. Never speak ill of them. Let go of regret, and sorrow, leave all that behind and live in the present, being a better man than you were the day before. In doing so you have protected their legacy, and you are being a better son.

If your parent was criminally abusive, if they harmed you, I would never suggest that you maintain relationship with someone like that. But I would suggest that you figure out who else had the most impact on your life. Someone raised the kind of person that chose to listen to a podcast called Being A Better Man, someone helped you and made it possible to live the life you are living now. Be a better son to that person by demonstrating gratitude, being in communication and cultivating that relationship. If you do that, you are being a better son.

If you aren’t on speaking terms with your parents be the bigger person and reach out to them anyway, expecting nothing in return. Tell them you love them. Speak kindly of them and send them birthday cards. If they don’t reciprocate that’s ok, what matters is that you are being a better son. It’s possible that they could become a victim of your kindness and love, and become open to having a relationship with you again and that would be great…but the most important thing is that you are making a conscious effort to be a better son in spite of everything else. In doing so you will become a better man, and be able to live your life with one less regret.

For those who take their parents for granted, those who never visit, who never call, who never contact your parents unless you need something. You turn down invitations and sometimes you even avoid your parents because they just aren’t interesting enough for you. I hope this makes you think a little bit, I hope you get a twinge of shame at the way you have returned the gift they gave you. For you being a better son will be easy…just be kind to them. Call them unexpectedly, let them know you appreciate them. Anything you do with regard to being more related to your parents will make you a better son. But don’t just go through the motions…really get to know them, they’re people after all, find out who they are…learn to enjoy them.

For the rest of us…people like me who have a good relationship with their parents. We aren’t off the hook. Just like you can always be a better man, you can always find ways to be a better son. For me that will be finding ways to spend more time with my dad, and then making that time. It will be not getting irritated when he doesn’t hear me the first time, it will be doing little things for him just so he doesn’t have to.

So you see, this whole idea of being a better son is not completely selfless…There are benefits to us, as well as the the people we are a son to.

It helps us by making us more accountable for our actions instead of blaming someone else.

It gives us the knowledge and satisfaction that we are doing something right and good, and that will boost our own self respect which leads to a ton of other benefits.

As we become more related it can lead to a whole new understanding of who we are, by understanding the people we came from.

We will become an even better example to the people around us…particularly our own sons…and that can’t hurt.

Lastly, what we will get out of it is that it will make us a better man today than we were yesterday.

Thats it for today guys, now head out into the world wherever you are, and be a better son, than you were yesterday.

If you have any questions or comments I invite you to send me an email, I return all the emails I get!

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093 – The Enemies Of Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 26 Aug 2016 08:14:06 -0500

THE ENEMIES OF MAN…

Today is Friday, and we’re all getting ready to head into the weekend. Weekends are awesome, I love the weekends. For many of us the weekend is the time we break out of the mundane cycle of working, sleeping and eating and we get to do other things…like projects around the house, or we socialize with other people, we spend more time with family and friends, or…we just relax and catch up on sleep and watch TV.

What we can’t do however, what we must not do, is forget how important it is that we behave like men. Its easy to let your guard down while you are having fun and socializing but that’s when it is most critical that you are thinking about your role as a man in the world. That’s when your example will be noticed the most, when it will have the greatest impact. It’s times like this when you have the greatest opportunity to be a better man than you were yesterday.

There are many obstacles to being a better man. These are the enemies of men, those things you struggle with that might have you behaving in ways that are not…better. They are different for everyone, everyone has their own set of challenges and in order to deal with them effectively you have to be real honest about recognizing what yours are.

There is a long list of potential enemies, like Pornography, video games, recreational drugs and alcohol, jealousy, inferiority or unjustified superiority, social awkwardness, peer acceptance, self hate, or plain old laziness and lack of ambition. The lack of a purpose or direction, the lack of a positive outlook.

This is the short list, it goes on and on. All of these things have the potential of distracting you, of making you forget who you are as a man, what your role is, and what you want to accomplish. It’s no surprise that almost all of these things are inherently negative by nature.

The objective of being a better man today than you were yesterday is inherently a positive aspiration…so anything negative is a potential impediment to that goal.

So how do we best prepare for this? How do we do battle with our individual enemies.

For starters, like I said…we have to be real honest with ourselves and identify what our challenges are, because if you don’t do that you will never be prepared to overcome them. Knowing what they are for you makes it a lot harder for them to sneak up on you.

Secondly, we have to arm ourselves anew each day with our objective. I think it’s most effective when stated out loud while looking in the mirror. If we start each day with a new commitment to be a better man that day, than we were the day before, it will affect our behavior, it will influence our choices, because we have placed it in our consciousness…we have made it a priority. We are focused on our conduct as a man and as I’ve told you many times…the things we focus on, expand.

Thirdly, something else that will help you in all areas of life is simply to become more positive. This is easier said than done sometimes. Some people are natural born pessimist while others are naturally more optimistic.

Some people seem to enjoy being negative, it becomes part of their persona…but I can’t think of a single case in which that rendered a good result. Most of the negative people I have known are also the most miserable people I have known.

So if you happen to be more on the negative, pessimistic side I encourage you to start practicing positivity. Start forcing yourself to see the glass half full, start developing new ways of looking at things.

Don’t take my word for it, there are tons of books on the subject. For one example there’s a book called The Positive Dog, its a story about the power of positivity, it’s in audio and you can listen to it for free at audible .com. Just sign up using my affiliate link at www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/book. Then just type “The Positive Dog” into the search bar. If you get it, let me know how you liked it.

I can give you advice and tell you what I think, but its up to you to act on it, take charge of your life and do what you need to do…because you are a man.

Now head out into the weekend ahead armed anew with a sense of commitment, purpose and conviction. Try to be a positive force in the world because you know who you are and what you stand for. Do that, and you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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092 – Men Behaving Badly

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 24 Aug 2016 08:14:06 -0500

Men Behaving Badly…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. Today’s story is Men Behaving Badly, I’m not sure what category it falls into.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Men Behaving Badly takes place when I am a brand new adult in the Army, I get sent overseas, chaos ensues and I promptly get served a major lesson in being more careful about who I choose to hang around with.

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091 – Take Charge Of Your Life

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 22 Aug 2016 08:14:16 -0500

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE…

Today’s episode is inspired by another one of our listeners; This letter comes to us all the way from Australia! I knew we had listeners in Australia but this is the first letter I have received from down under.

Luke from Australia is a 28 year old professional fire fighter…but it wasn’t always so. In Luke’s letter he told me that seven years ago he was a huge partier…every weekend and every other weekday that’s all he and his friends did…was party and have fun, drinking and carrying on and all the other activities you might imagine would go along with that lifestyle. Luke said he was a university bum who was cruising through life with no direction or purpose.

After one of these all night binge party’s it all came to an end when Luke got arrested and thrown in jail. For the next three months he was living in terror and uncertainty because he had court looming over his head and if he were convicted, it would seriously alter his future in a negative way because his chances for employment would be nil. He was also in torment from the embarrassment and pain he caused his parents.

It was during this time that Luke made a promise to himself. He promised himself that if he beat the conviction and got a second chance that he would not waste it….he would work incredibly hard and do his very best, to be his very best, and redeem himself.

Luke got the second chance he had been hoping for, and he went to work changing his life. His close friends became his biggest obstacle because they didn’t understand why he didn’t want to party his life away anymore. In spite of that peer pressure, he prevailed.

He spent the next five years finishing his degree, and then he was able to gain entrance into the fire brigade. In Australia, that is a very difficult thing to do. It is a coveted position that tens of thousands of people apply to each year. It usually takes four years and has an impossible 7 stage recruitment process…but Luke kept at it, he persevered,and ultimately got the position he set out to.

Luke thinks that if he had not gotten arrested when he was 21, that he wouldn’t be where he was today. He credits that seemingly negative experience with causing him to gain a new perspective, a perspective that he needed, in order to be successful.

I think Luke is exactly right, and thats the topic of today’s episode; Using bad experiences, turning them around and making something good out of them.

If Luke would not have gotten arrested that night seven years ago…he might still be partying! Sometimes it takes something huge to make us wake up, look around, and see whats going on. Not everyone does though.

There are plenty of guys that were in Luke’s shoes who just used that bad experience as an excuse to party even harder. Luke went the other way, Luke became a better man because of it.

I can relate to his experience because I got arrested for driving under the influence when I was 23. I had a wife and three small kids at the time and it really made me feel like the most worthless man who had ever been born, I was ashamed beyond measure. I could have easily became depressed and felt sorry for myself and blame my circumstances and situations and continue on spiraling downward.

Instead I got my act together, kind of like Luke did. I started making a distinction between the things that were important and the things that were not. I stopped drinking completely for four years and focused on my new priorities.

So…bad things happen to all of us. All of us at some point in our life will be faced with a heavy burden of our own making. Or we may have some other external tragedy to deal with.

Some of us will prevail, like Luke did, while others will begin a long slow circle around the drain of life.

Whats the difference? Why will something like this make some guys better and make other guys worse?

It’s kind of obvious to me. There is one thing that guys who are beaten by their circumstances never do, it’s a thing that all of the guys who succeed do. That thing is to become personally accountable for your actions.

Guys who succeed and become better from adversity are the same guys who own their mistakes, the same guys who are accountable for all of their actions both good and bad, They are guys who take charge.

Guys who allow themselves to be beaten by their situation never, ever take responsibility for what they have done. They blame everything else; the establishment, the government, other people, the economy, their job, their spouse…whatever. And because they never take responsibility it never occurs to them that they have the power to change it, how could they? They are victims of their circumstance, and you can’t change anything you have no power over.

For some people, being personally accountable comes naturally to them because of how they were raised, the environment they grew up in. For other guys it is not natural…for the same reasons. But it is something that anyone, regardless of your history can adopt.

Being personally accountable is a habit, a way of thinking that can be applied to every situation big and small. It starts with you seeing the benefit of it, and then deciding thats what you want to become. You walk around with the notion in your mind that everything is your fault…the good things, the bad things, everything. Now you are paying attention.

When you pay attention you quickly notice that everything you do has an effect, now you can take charge. If you want good results, you do good things. If you do bad things then you get bad results.

In Luke’s case, and my case, once we owned the thing we did and became accountable for it, then the right path suddenly becomes pretty clear…before that happened we weren’t even aware the other path existed, we couldn’t see it. It took something big and scary and bad to wake us up. It made us take charge.

Sure there are some terrible things that happen that you are not responsible for in any way. So how do you be personally accountable when something like that happens? Something you had no control over? First, you recognize that you had no control over it, and then, you become personally accountable for how you react to it, that becomes your job in that situation. That’s how you take charge of something that’s beyond your control.

I’m telling you…living a life as man who is personally accountable has some amazing benefits. Right now some of you listening are probably going through something crappy and horrible. I’m sorry about that if you are, but you have an opportunity…look around and determine if you are responsible for this situation, if you are then become accountable for it, realize if you caused it, then you have the power to start changing your life. If you aren’t directly responsible then it’s an opportunity to be accountable for how you are dealing with it.

I’m going to wrap it up right there. Thanks Luke for writing me a letter, and congratulations, tell the nice folks in Australia I said hello.

If any of you out there have questions or a story to share like Luke did, just write me a letter…be like Luke.

You are invited to join me on Facebook and oh, if any of you wouldn’t mind me using your picture and testimony in advertising then please email me a picture of yourself and a testimonial about the show if you have one. You know like a blurb about what you get out of it, how it has affected your life, that kind of thing.

Also, I haven’t mentioned it in a while, but it really does help if you subscribe, rate and review this podcast on iTunes.

Alright guys, head out into the week ahead being personally accountable for everything you do, take charge of your life!. If that becomes a habit, then it will be a little easier to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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090 – Celebrate The Good Things

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 08:14:38 -0500

CELEBRATE THE GOOD THINGS…

Happy Friday to you all! I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad…and today is kind of a special day.

Sometimes, when things are going good you just need to talk about it and share it with other people…I’m sharing it with you right now.

First of all, today is episode 90! That is pretty amazing to me, because it seems like just yesterday I was putting this thing together and getting ready to launch, and now here I am at 90 episodes…just 10 more and we’ll be at 100. Wow.

You know when I started this, I wasn’t sure if it would stick or not. I didn’t know what to expect really, but since then the fantastic feedback I have received from you listeners has really made me feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. So, thank you.

The other cool thing that happened, kind of in the same vein…is that at the beginning of this week I went over 100,000 downloads. That’s one tenth of a million! That is a number I have been looking for since I started this, and now we have made it…again, thanks to all of you listening.

Really, I’m just one guy sitting here in the secret man cave talking into a mic…and without all of you listening, that’s all I would be. Without you guys, there would be no podcast. I would just be being a better man all by myself…it’s so good for me to know you guys are on this journey with me, and I really can’t thank you enough.

The other cool thing that has happened is this last Monday, the 15th of August 2016, My ninth Grandchild, a girl named Roux, was born to my son Clinton and his wife Lyndsay. They are way over in Michigan so I won’t get to meet her for a while, but I’m really looking forward to it. You may remember Clinton, he was my first guest way back on episode 5.

So that’s what going on with me today and that’s why I’m in a good mood.

That’s kind of what I’m going to talk about today, the importance of celebrating the good things that happen in your life.

What is life? It’s a series of struggles and challenges interspersed with a few good things that happen, if you make them happen. We spend our whole lives trying to create the good things, striving towards those moments that will elate us, the moments that become memorable and cherished.

The rest of the time we are kind of trudging through life, going to work, taking out the garbage, paying bills, waking up and doing it all over again. There is a lot of drudgery that goes along with life, you can’t deny it, that’s just part of life..

Aside from the drudgery, there are also the crappy things that happen…the horrible things, the tragedies. There are things that make you feel like you want to die, and things that just piss you off and wreck your day, and everything in between.

Nobody likes these things, we all try to avoid them, but they happen anyway…because these too, are part of life. They are part of the journey.

I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t already know. Your alive after all…you know what life is like right? But, what you may not realize, and what I want to tell you about that is relevant to being a better man is this; It’s important to celebrate every good thing that happens. Not just acknowledge it…but celebrate it.

Some of you are wondering why that’s so important…well, think about it. In life, where good things are sometimes few and far between, when something good happens…that is worthy of celebration for starters.

Secondly, when you celebrate something you are focusing energy on that thing…you are focused on something positive and remember what I always say…the things we focus on expand! They get bigger, they grow. So whenever you have an opportunity to focus on something positive you should take it.

Its also kind of a way of giving thanks to the universe, yourself, or whatever powers external or internal that were responsible for making this thing happen.

Another huge reason to celebrate the good things is that it’s almost impossible to really celebrate alone. A proper celebration means that you are including the people close to you, the people you care about, you are inviting them to join you in this celebration. You know what that does? When you include other people in the celebration of your good thing, now it becomes their good thing too. It’s like your sharing your good thing, creating a good thing in someone else’ life that would not have been there otherwise.

So, now hopefully you see what I’m talking about. By celebrating the good things that happen in life, and including other people in that celebration…not only have you focused your energy on a positive thing, not only have you expressed thanks, you have also made not just yours, but other peoples lives a little better. And whenever we do that we become a better man today, than we were yesterday.

I’m going to wrap it up there for today. If you are foggy at all about the importance of celebrating the good things that happen just write me a letter.

Don’t forget you have until the 23rd of this month to get your very own being a better man mug. Here is a link to it: teespring.com/better-man-mug

Hey, and if you haven’t done it yet…pick one friend, pick someone you know and tell them about this podcast or send them a link to it. You guys are the best way I have of spreading the word about it. Thanks for doing that.

It’s Friday, so head out into the weekend and don’t forget, to celebrate the good things that happen. It’s just one more way to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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089 – The Runaway

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 17 Aug 2016 08:14:54 -0500

THE RUNAWAY…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. Today’s story is “The Runaway”.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called The Runaway is about an isolated but very emotionally tense moment in my life. It taught me some great things though; like to always question my own perspective and test it against reality, and it taught me about relationships…how fragile they can be, and what it takes to tend to them properly. There are answers to every problem, to runaway is not one of them.

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088 – Evolution Of A Man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 15 Aug 2016 08:14:33 -0500

EVOLUTION OF A MAN…

Today I’m going to talk about kind of an abstract concept, that is, the way individuals evolve over time…the individual evolution of man.

I’m not talking about species or science or anything, I’m talking about you.

From my observations there is roughly a 5 year gap between one version of yourself and the next. In other words…what I’m talking about is that 5 years ago, I was a different guy than I am today.

I looked basically the same and my personality and sense of humor were basically the same, but there were other things about me that were different than they are today. If I go back 10 years the differences become more profound.

I would bet money that the same is true of you. We take it for granted because the changes are subtle and slow over a long period of time…but the changes occur nonetheless.

In fact, if we could go back in time and collect a version of you at 5, 10, 15, and 20 years ago and put you all in a room together…counting you, there would be 5 very different, very distinct individuals present in that room…some of you may not even like each other, even though you are the same person and you look alike.

You might be resisting that notion…but think about it for a minute. Think about who you were 10 years ago. While many things will be the same, there are probably some notable differences like where you like to go, what you like to do, who you hang out with, what things really matter to you, what your life goals are, how you are perceived in your social group, even what foods you like to eat could be different.

From a scientific point of view it isn’t really that surprising. We replace all of our skin cells every 27 days. That means all of your skin is different skin than it was 28 days ago. So why wouldn’t the stuff on the insides of us change as well…especially given our accumulation of knowledge and experience as we get older.

It’s even weird to me, and I’m the one telling you about it. When we are young men in our 20’s we figure were almost there. we have almost arrived at the final version of ourselves. But I can tell you, my Dad is 80, and even he is a slightly different guy today than he was 5 years ago, and a completely different guy than he was 20 years ago.

So you see…it never stops. we never stop evolving and changing as individuals. It doesn’t stop until we die.

You might be wondering what all this has to do with being a better man, well, I’m about to tell you.

Most of us just live in the moment we are breathing in. we act and react to things based on what is happening around us, what is going on in the present. It is not a natural thing to act or react to things with a future version of ourselves in mind. But…that’s whats happening wether you realize it or not.

The things that have the biggest impact on the future versions of ourselves are the actions we take in the present moment we are living in.

Lets think about that for a moment. Everything you do today, every decision you make, everything you say, the places you go, the people you interact with, all these things will have some bearing on who you are 5 years from now. Some things weigh more heavily than others naturally, but everything matters.

How many times have you heard older men speak with some regret? Like, if I would have… If I wouldn’t have…I should have…. If only I would have known… That’s an example of them learning this lesson too late in life. Don’t be like that guy.

You can probably see where I’m going with this…knowledge is power. Whenever you become aware of what I’m talking about, whenever you acquire this knowledge that present you is critical to how five years from now you turns out…That is knowledge that you can’t un-know. Now you have a responsibility to yourself five years in the future, and when you have become that guy you have a responsibility to the guy five years beyond that. It never ends.

You listeners to this program have an advantage. Because if you are truly committed to being a better man today than you were yesterday, and you are doing that every day, then your future self is in the best possible position he could hope for. Because everything you are doing is aimed at improvement.

That’s why I say that this Being a better man philosophy will bring you as close as you can get to your potential as a man. How couldn’t it? It’s not rocket science…do the math.

So…if you ever start feeling like this being a better man thing is a drag, like you aren’t seeing results fast enough, or you start to lose sight of why you are doing it in the first place…think about you, five years in the future. Think of your responsibility to that guy, and then keep on being a better man today, than you were yesterday.

That’s it for today guys. Hey remember, if anything I said today isn’t clear, if you have questions or comments about any of this or if you just want to say hello, just write me a letter. I love getting feedback and I answer all every email I receive.

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Ok guys, now head out into the world and remember that you have a responsibility to yourself in the future, everything you do matters while you are being a better man today than you were yesterday.

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087 – Peer Pressure

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 08:14:47 -0500

As a new listener you might wonder why we would want to do that…and I would say because if you commit to being a better man today than you were yesterday, and keep doing that every day until you die, then you will have lived a life that is as close to your potential as a man, as you can get. The other benefit, is that with all these men being better men than they were the day before…the world will become a better place. So, we are making the world a better place, one man at a time.

So thanks for being here, new listeners and old ones. I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad.

Today I am going to talk about peer pressure. Peer pressure has probably gotten guys into more trouble than anything else in the world. Seriously, when people take drugs or alcohol for the first time it is usually because of peer pressure. When guys do stupid things that send them to jail…it’s usually because of peer pressure. When guys wind up permanently maimed or dead…it is usually because of peer pressure.

So…why is that? Why will people so readily and so often act in ways contrary to their own common sense just because they are encouraged by a group of their peers to do so? It’s obviously a very powerful thing, this peer pressure.

I’m sure many, if not all of you listening have succumbed to peer pressure at least once in your life. Well, don’t feel bad about it. It turns out it is a very natural human thing.

Our peer group are usually people in our same age bracket that are in the same social / economic status as us. This is the water we swim in from day to day. It’s a pretty natural thing to want to elevate your status within your peer group by becoming popular, being well liked, and being accepted and thought of as part of that group.

The problem is…often times, people of greater influence in a peer group will encourage others who want to gain status, to do really stupid things. Things you wouldn’t do otherwise. Sometimes it is done just to demonstrate their power.

Peer pressure can effect people of any age, it’s not just a high school thing, and it doesn’t just happen in social settlings…peer pressure can happen in the work place too, and it does.

Basically, anytime you are talked into doing something you really don’t want to do…you are being peer pressured.

I’m sure you can see the obvious problems this can potentially lead to. Well,you came to the right place because I’m going to tell you some stuff that might help you.

First of all, I should confess that I was one of those weird kids that was immune to peer pressure. It was because of my dad, he taught me some really great but really tough lessons. He never let me do anything if he thought I was just doing it because everybody else was. In fact, in the 70’s when all the guys had long hair guess who had his hair shaved off…me.

It was tough at times, always being different, but it taught me something amazing; it taught me that if people don’t like me just for me…then why should I give a crap? Who are these people? Why are their opinions so important that I should care?

If people don’t want to hang out with me because of the car I drive or the clothes I wear…then they are obviously extremely superficial and not people I want to be friends with anyway.

My dad made sure he stripped me of any possibility to ever be “cool”. I’m so glad that he did too because without the option of being cool I was left with one choice; being Alf, just being myself genuinely.

You know what? It worked! Turns out people liked me anyway. It wasn’t really me they liked so much though, people are drawn to others who are individuals, people respect others who stand their ground, people appreciate authenticity on a deep level. So that’s my first tip about peer pressure; be authentic, be 100% you 100% of the time and just watch how people respond.

So…I made it all the way through high school never doing any drugs, never even trying a cigarette…because I thought it was stupid and there was no way anybody could convince me otherwise.

When I was in the Army I had a group of super close friends, we were really tight, like brothers. We called ourselves the wild bunch. Somebody designed a tattoo for our group and everyone got tattoos on their forearm…except me. They begged me to get one but I refused, because I didn’t agree with the symbolism in the tattoo. You know what…I didn’t lose one of those friends because of that decision, nothing bad happened. And wow…I am so happy that I didn’t get that tattoo.

But…if I would have lost those friends, if they had all turned their back on me, it would still be a victory for exposing the kind of people I didn’t want to associate with. Then I would be free to go find my people…thats how it works.

So you need to ask yourself, you need to figure out why you care what these other people think…who’s more important, them, or you making your own decisions?

Peer pressure doesn’t always involve dangerous or illegal activities. Sometimes it can be something perfectly innocent…what makes it peer pressure is that someone else is convincing you to do something, and it’s something you don’t want to do.

Here is something else to consider. When someone, or a group of someones wants you do do something that you wouldn’t otherwise do…and you do it, you have just placed yourself in the role of a follower, and the other person in the role of the leader. Wether you realize it or not, another person has wielded power over you. It’s impossible to be a leader from that position…you are a follower.

However, in the same scenario if you refuse, something else happens; you are no longer a follower, in fact you are on the same par as the leader now. You become more like that persons equal because they have no power over you.

It all comes down to what I talk about a lot…that is, deciding what kind of man you want to be, and then being that man. I doubt if too many people look in the mirror and tell themselves they want to be a follower of other men. No…most people would naturally rather be a leader, or anything other than a follower. So, now going forward in life you will have some choices to make and things to think about.

Look, whatever else it is, succumbing to peer pressure is a habit, and any habit can be broken with effort and will…but first you have to decide you want to.

I think I’ll wrap it up there for today guys. Hey, if peer pressure is something you struggle with and you have questions or concerns about how to deal with it… write me a letter. I am here to help, and I return every email I get. otherwise, I would love to get your feedback one the website or the Facebook page.

Now head out there into the world and be a strong authentic person, don’t give your power away, keep it for yourself and use it for good, while you are being a better man today than were yesterday.

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

086 – Self Inflicted

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 10 Aug 2016 08:14:28 -0500

SELF INFLICTED…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson. Today’s story is “Self Inflicted”.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story, called Self Inflicted taught me several things about myself, responsibility, my dad, and…women.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

FACEBOOK LINK:  https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

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085 – Toxic Relationships

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 08:14:27 -0500

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS….

Before I get into it, I want to say thanks to everyone who has been sending me feedback about the show, and about the video spot HooplaHa did about us. The feedback I’m getting really makes my day. It makes me feel like we are on the right track, that the message is being received, and that it is having a positive impact in the world. So, thank you to everyone who has reached out and let me know your thoughts about the show…I do not take it lightly. It makes me feel like I should keep doing this.

Today’s episode is a result of some of that feedback. This is a listener inspired episode. The remarkable thing to me was that this was sent in by a man who is being a better man, and he is only 16 years old. That is so awesome, It’s great for me to know that people of his age are listening. His name is Mike, and his question was about a certain type of relationship that many of us, myself included, are familiar with.

Many of you will probably identify with Mikes story, he had been in a serious but toxic relationship. The girl in this relationship was manipulative and controlling and eventually had him become separated with all of his close friends, he was even getting in fist fights because of this girl, and it was putting stress on his relationships with his family as well.

After ending the relationship his friends and family came right back into his life with love and support, all of his important relationships have luckily been restored. But, it has been two years and Mike finds himself avoiding relationships with other girls, he is meeting nice girls but the memories of the pain of this toxic relationship prevent him from making new connections.

So, like I said…I think this is a pretty common story. It happens to guys all the time, and it happens to women as well. I have seen women and men get involved with very controlling people or energy vampires. They start influencing your behavior; how you dress, what you eat, who you hang out with and mostly…how you spend your time. People like this drive wedges between you and your family because they insist on being the most important thing in your universe.

Eventually, when the relationship falls apart, which it always does…there you are, left with the remains and rubble of your former relationships. In Mike’s case he was lucky that his friends and family rallied around him quickly, in many cases some of the damage that is done is irreparable. It’s understandable though, that Mike has become gun-shy about relationships…who wants to go through that again?

I can relate very well to this because like I said, this has happened to me. Yes believe it or not, I, your humble host am a former casualty of toxic relationships. Notice I said casualty, and not victim. I refuse to be a victim. The truth is I was a casualty, meaning I was hurt…but it was my own fault.

That’s the first point I want to make is that whenever we find ourselves going through something like this, it is a natural tendency to blame the other human involved, after all, they are the ones doing all the bad stuff not us, right? That may be true…but they could not treat you like that in the first place unless you allow them to. At some point you made a choice to give something up in order to be with them…thats your fault, just as it was my fault.

I want to acknowledge Mike, because even at 16 he already knows better than to trash talk the other person, that is very adult of him. In his letter he took responsibility for what happened and I applaud him for that. But now he’s gun shy…the prospect of a new relationship is terrifying and understandably so. It just so happens I know a thing or two about being gun shy as well.

In fact, there was a period of my life that I had such rotten luck with women that I just gave up…I quit. I decided that it just wasn’t worth it to me because it seemed that every single woman I met or that I got involved with was trying to change me into something else, or they were always controlling my time and my other relationships and I was constantly dealing with their drama, in fact life had become synonymous with drama.

It got so bad that I was actually considering finding a doctor who would castrate me at one point. I know it sounds crazy right? But that’s how bad it got. I figured that every bad thing that had ever happened to me was in some way because of a woman, or more specifically, because I kept getting involved with women. I figured if I got castrated then I would no longer find myself being involved with women…I would read more, be a better friend and a better dad, life would be…peaceful.

Thankfully, I didn’t go through with that plan. Instead, I made a choice to simply not be in a relationship no matter who I met and how awesome she might seem, relationships ceased to be an option for me. That lasted for a good 10 years in which I was intentionally single.

It was a good ten years. Life was peaceful, and fun. I still dated once in a while, but I was very clear that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s boyfriend. During this ten years I did a lot of healing and I really got to know myself very well. I realized that I was attracting the wrong women because my energy was wrong. I started working on changing my energy by living in a more deliberate fashion, designing my own life instead of letting life happen to me. For the first time I was in control of what sorts of interactions I had out in the world. It was somewhere during this 10 year relationship hiatus that I realized I was the only one responsible for everything that happened to me.

I was sort of like a monk who went up on the mountain for ten years…and when I came down off the mountain, I was a new man. I still made mistakes and I still made bad choices occasionally, but now I was in the driver seat, I was responsible and everything became a new learning experience. It was a brand new perspective. I was being a better man because I held myself accountable for everything that went wrong, and then I learned from these things instead of complaining about them.

So my advice to Mike, and anyone else listening who has been through the relationship grinder, who has became gun shy about new relationships is…maybe you don’t need to be in a relationship right now. Maybe the first thing you need to do is realize that everything that happens to you good or bad, is your fault.

If you are constantly attracting the wrong types of people maybe you need to evaluate what kind of energy you are projecting, maybe you need to look in the mirror, perhaps you should work on changing that energy so that you attract people who are kind and who are a better match for you before you jump back into the relationship ring.

There are plenty of great people out there…there really are. If you want to start meeting them and being worthy of them when you do meet them, then you have to become a great person too.

Focusing on being a better man today than you were yesterday is a great start. That’s really what it all boils down to actually. Simply by making that a focus you will create the energy shift I was talking about. As you gain more knowledge, respect, and admiration for yourself…the world will notice, and respond appropriately.

The world, and the people in it owe you nothing. You can’t expect to be treated well just because you are alive, you have to earn it.

So take a look in the mirror, start seeing yourself as the world sees you. If you don’t like something you see, then figure out how to improve it. You can’t expect the world to like, respect, and treat you well if you don’t like, respects, and treat yourself well first.

Thanks Mike for that letter, I’m really proud of you for being a better man, especially at 16. You have a promising future ahead of you.

Ok every body, head out into the world this week and be conscious of the energy you are projecting. see yourself how the world sees you and start improving the things that need improving…because that’s what you do when you are being a better man today, than you were yesterday.

FACEBOOK:   https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

084 – Relationship Priorities

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 05 Aug 2016 08:14:12 -0500

RELATIONSHIP PRIORITIES…

So…it’s Friday. Pretty happy about that, some pretty cool things have been happening lately. In case you missed it, This podcast was featured in a video on HooplaHa, Yesterday, which was August 3rd if you are listening to this after the fact.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the folks over at HooplaHa for doing such a great job! The video was professional and very well edited, and it got the point across I think. They are helping spread the word about this podcast. My only complaint is that in the video I look like some kind of ogre or something…but that’s not there fault.

What is HooplaHa you ask? HooplaHa is an online news organization that does something no one else does…they only report good news! Which is why they did a video about this podcast.

It might seem hard to believe in these crazy times we are living in, that there is an organization that only deals with good news…sounds like science fiction right? But it’s true. I recommend you go to their website and check them out, they are at hooplaha.com, I’ll post a link in the show notes too.

They have different categories, depending on what kind of good news you are in the mood for. The categories are; family, heroes, causes, animals and wellness. Stories that inspire, motivate and educate.

I am a huge fan of what they are doing over there, not just because they made this video…but because there is an extreme shortage of good news going around in the world today. There are so many things happening that are accomplishing nothing except dividing people up into groups, and quite literally tearing the country and families apart in some cases.

We have Black lives matter, and the opponents of Black lives matter, and all the other little groups who have their own agenda that piggy back onto one of the bigger causes. These things are dividing people.

We have the impending presidential election…if you want to call it that. It seems more and more like a circus every day and as time goes on people are becoming galvanized for their candidate in a way I have never seen before. It’s making people act in hateful, nasty ways towards one another on a scale that seems unprecedented…It’s really bringing out the worst in some people.

I for one, am getting sick of it all. I find myself avoiding the mainstream news because when I see otherwise intelligent people behaving like stupid animals…it makes me angry, and sad.

When I see everyday people suddenly become the enemy of people they were once friends with simply because they have a different opinion…it makes me angry, and sad.

In fact there are some people that I know quite well, they are relatives, they love each other. All of these issues going on in the world have succeeded in driving a wedge between them simply because they have different opinions…or because their opinion was interpreted incorrectly on Facebook.

I guess I just don’t understand why adult humans can’t disagree about something without people getting all crazy and emotional, and forgetting about the things that are really important. It doesn’t make sense to me. To me this behavior is just stupid.

So why does it happen? Why can differences of opinion in politics, religion, or other social issues make people act unkindly towards those they love? In my way of thinking, it all comes down to one word; Priorities.

This might hurt some of you a little, but in my opinion the bottom line is that if your family is a priority, if your other relationships are a priority in your life, then that relationship or family member will be more important to you than some ideology or idea that you are committed to.

I have said many times here that the most important, valuable things we have as human beings are our relationships…yet, I see people these days tossing their relationships away over a difference of opinion. What? Am I crazy or does that not make any sense?

Here’s an example of another way. Last weekend my wife and I took a long road trip to visit relatives. Somewhere in the middle of the trip we began a discussion about a topic that we did not agree on. It’s one of those volatile emotional topics that are in the news every day.

Weird thing is…it didn’t turn into a fight. We just talked about it from an intellectual position, we actually listened when the other person was talking. We conceded points that made sense, we framed our arguments in a non-emotional, non-aggressive way and you know what? It was amazing! It was actually fun. Because we were both being heard, we were both being respected, and it was an awesome conversation that lasted over an hour.

How were we able to pull that off? I’ll tell you how, Our relationship is the priority. That comes first, before the issue or topic, ahead of the need to be right. Whatever the priority is will win folks, every time. If you find your relationships falling apart because of these topics in the world today, you may want to re-evaluate what your priorities are.

Those people I was talking about earlier, that’s what they need to do. Reevaluate their priorities and put family at the top of the list where it belongs and stop squabbling about crap that won’t even matter in the big picture, after the dust settles. Family should always come first.

Look, I know it seems like the fate of the world is in the balance and these things are so important. But take a look back through history, stuff like this happens, it has happened for as long as there have been humans. Things become important and then they fade away, people are elected, time goes by and then other people are elected. There are hard times and there are better times, but through it all the most important thing in your life should be your family and close relationships…because without them, what do you have? Wouldn’t it be silly to lose a loved one over someone else’ idea?

I’m not just talking to men today, I’m talking to people, period. My advice is to make your families and close relationships a priority over all the chaos in the world. Do that, and you will be a better person than you were yesterday.

That’s it for today guys. Thanks again to HooplaHa for a great video, don’t forget to check out their website at hoopla.com and give yourself a much needed dose of good news.

If you would like to watch the video right now, click this link: http://bit.ly/2aUYrPT

FACEBOOK:   https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

083 – Exploding Friendship

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 03 Aug 2016 08:14:14 -0500

EXPLODING FRIENDSHIP…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: Exploding Friendship, Happened when I was 16 and it taught me a very critical lesson that involves maintaining control of your intellect, reason and sanity.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

FACEBOOK LINK:  https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

082 – Embrace The Unexpected

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 08:14:30 -0500

EMBRACE THE ENEXPECTED!

Welcome to Monday! It’s the start of a new week of life…and life, everyday is kind of an adventure isn’t it? Because you never know whats going to happen.

Well, I am your host, Alf Herigstad, and whats happening right now is this podcast…thank you for tuning in.

So, like I was saying, life…the living of it from one moment to the next is kind of an adventure. Oh sure, it doesn’t always seem like an adventure, especially if you are letting life happen to you.

A lot of it you can anticipate and predict…because it’s the same stuff that happens every day, large parts of life might seem boring or mundane…and they are, exactly that.

However…in everybody’s life, on occasion something unexpected happens doesn’t it? Someone says something you didn’t expect, or the car in front of you careens off the highway, a deer or rabbit runs across the road in front of you, you get a phone call with terrible news…or really good news.

Unexpected things happen all the time, to everyone. That’s why they are called unexpected…because we didn’t know that was going to happen, we didn’t expect it.

It is in these unexpected moments that adventure can happen. Some of these unexpected moments can be life changing, while others just become a story you tell at dinner that evening, but each and every one of these unexpected moments are critically important to your life, wether they are good or bad. They give everything else context, and it is in these moments that we learn.

Imagine for a moment, life without unexpected moments. Imagine a world in which nothing unexpected ever happens. I think there is a name for that; it’s called death.

Obviously, what matters most when these moments happen is what we do, how we react, and it is in these moments that we have an opportunity to know ourselves a little better, based on our reactions.

In these times we live in many people have it very easy, too easy in my opinion. Unexpected moments have become rare for some. These are soft times we are living in, and we as men in general are becoming soft as a result.

Lets think for a moment about our ancestors. Regardless of your heritage, all of our ancestors had something in common…every day for them was about survival. Every day was chock full of unexpected events. You never knew when you left your shelter in the morning if you would come back alive because almost everything in the world was trying to kill you.

How they reacted to these events made the difference if they would live or die, if they would have enough food for the winter, if they and their family would remain part of the community, at a time when the community was essential for survival.

Unexpected events were the rule for our ancestors…not the exception, as it is today. This way of life might sound harsh, and like a whole lot of no fun…but it also had its advantages; it made them keen, and sharp. Every man knew who he was, his limitations and his virtues. It made them strong and brave and let them know on a daily basis where they needed to improve. Every body back then was living as the best version of themselves…because if you didn’t, you might die.

That is how we got to where we are today. Because our ancestors succeeded, because they survived, here we are standing in their wake, the beneficiaries of their daily struggle. We are the product of everything they did.

So, what do we do with that information in 2016? How do we make this relevant to our cushy lives? How do we honor our ancestors for ensuring their DNA made it this far?

I’ll tell you how, by living life full steam ahead. By taking risks and chances, by doing the things we are afraid to do. By identifying those obstacles that are holding us back and crushing them. By creating for yourself an environment in which unexpected moments are the rule, just like they were for our ancestors.

Our ancestors didn’t have to create it, it just happened to them while they were trying to live, and they reacted. That’s how our species developed…that’s what we are really good at as humans; reacting to the unexpected.

Well, we are not are ancestors, we live in different times, our life has become too easy, so we have to create adversity, we have to name adversaries, we have to imagine the things that are trying to kill us…and kill them first. It might be our job, our friends our addiction to video games or fast food or it could be your own laziness and apathy. Whatever it is that holding you back, you need to identify the threat, and deal with it.

I can imagine some of you wondering what in the hell I am talking about. I’ll try to make it easier to understand.

You can’t let life happen to you, YOU have to happen to life. If you don’t have any immediate challenges, you have to create them. If you don’t have a goal you are working on then you need to get one and be committed to it. That’s the mountain you have to climb, that’s the bear you need to slay, to stay alive another day.

Is there something you have always wanted to do, but it seemed too hard? That is exactly the thing you NEED to do. Take a minute and ask yourself this:

“what sucks the most in my life right now?” Whatever the answer is…that’s what you need to attack. That thing, whatever it is, is the saber tooth tiger circling your camp…you are the man, so you need to deal with that thing right now, you need to slay it.

Ok, for some of you the thing that sucks the most is something you have no idea how to deal with. You feel stuck and helpless. I’m sorry but that sounds like excuses to me…and excuses are not valid.

We live in a time where anything you need to know is literally a click of the mouse away. If you don’t know how to fix something then learn how…get on line, do research and figure it out. You my friend need to generate the remedy…or deal with the consequences. The thing is…it isn’t anyone else’ job except yours to fix your life. So stop complaining, and start acting.

It’s kind of funny, starting out I was going to do a podcast on a completely different topic, but when I started talking this is what came out. I’m just shooting from the hip here, but apparently this stuff was somewhere in my brain and it wanted to get out. Hey I just realized this has been an unexpected moment in my life, and this is how I dealt with it.

To summarize everything I’ve said here, because I was on kind of a tangent, I’m telling you to…

Relish those unexpected moments in life and if you don’t have enough of them, create an environment that you do.

Honor your ancestors and thank them for your existence by living full out, intend to excel in everything, without excuses, and see every unexpected moment as an opportunity to learn and grow.

Figure out what sucks the most in your life and attack it until it is dead.

If you don’t know how to attack it…take it upon yourself to learn how, because it nobody else’ job.

I guess that about covers it. Now head out into this week of adventure and life that is waiting for you, and meet it head on. Savor all the unexpected moments, and be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

081 – Get Older How You Want To!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 08:14:25 -0500

YOUR’E GETTING OLDER…DO IT THE WAY YOU WANT!

So…this episode is being released on July 29th, 2016. It’s kind of a special day for me…because 54 years ago today, I climbed into this world kicking and screaming…I peed on a bunch of doctors, and my dad called me a homely little guy. Yep…today is my birthday.

I actually pre-recorded this episode a couple days ago because I am on a road trip with my wife. We are going to Idaho to visit her family and I plan on doing some fishing and gold panning while I’m there.

Now I know…it’s just now hitting some of you and you are realizing I said I am 54 years old. To some of you that seems ancient! Your wondering why I even bother to get up in the morning because I’m so old…I know, because that’s probably what I would have thought when I was your age.

It’s really not very old though. I can still do everything I could do when I was 20. Some things I might do a little slower…but some things I am way better at than I was then.

So that’s what I’m going to talk about today, age. It’s a funny thing age. I was never one of those people who worried about getting older, because I always believed that age was just as much a state of mind as it is a state of body.

In fact, I have been looking forward to my 50’s since I was in my 20’s. I know thats a little unusual, but I always knew I would keep my body in decent shape, and I also realized from studying older men that I would be way, way smarter in my 50’s than I was then. I’m happy to announce that I was correct! And let me tell you…imagine how cool it is being about twice as smart as you are now, in a body that you can still do anything you want it! It’s pretty cool. And when I say smart, I’m not talking about academic or book smart…I’m talking about life smart. The kind of smart that allows you to see whats in front of you and appreciate it. The kind of smart that lets you know life is too short to be upset or angry all the time…you know, life smarts, they make your life better.

Of course…it doesn’t turn out like that for everyone. I see people now that I went to school with and some of them look like they could be my dad, it’s really quite sad because it is completely unnecessary. Remember what I aways say; the things you focus on expand? Well if you focus on being vital and fit and enjoying life…then thats what will expand. If you focus on the fact that you are getting old…then that is the reality that will expand.

In honor of my birthday I decided I would put together a little list of tips that will help you age the way you want to.

1.) Take care of your body. Really guys…imagine if you got a car when you were 16 and you had to depend on it for the rest of your life. Well, that’s what your body is. So stay active and stop eating crap. That means no soda and very little processed food. Try to eat food that only has one ingredient, which is also the name of what you are eating, and drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep.

2.) Take chances, try new things, don’t ever let fear stop you from doing something. In fact, if you are afraid to do something that is probably a sign that it’s exactly what you should do.

3.) Never become satisfied with where you are. Men are designed to always be hunting, always looking out for a better situation. If you become complacent, if you find yourself feeling like you have the perfect life and you have everything you want…you have a problem. Because life is not about the destination, it’s about the journey. If your journey ends because you become complacent then your life will follow soon after, and your happiness will be short. Always having a new project, a new goal or a new milestone to conquer is what makes life worth living.

4.) Don’t let anyone, or anything, or any organization design your life for you. You have to design your own life. I know people that have lived someone else’ design…now they are my age and finally trying to design their own life, don’t be that guy.

5.) Play. Don’t forget to play, and have fun. Joke and be goofy and laugh as much as possible. The oldest, happiest guys I have known in my life are the guys who remained playful. look, you have to live every day anyway…why not have fun doing it? Practice finding joy in the smallest things and train yourself to be an optimistic, glass half full kind of person. Life is better that way, take my word for it, don’t take yourself too seriously.

6.) Know yourself. Find out who you really are as soon as you can, and then start improving that person. Be a better man today then you were yesterday and keep doing that until you die. This won’t keep you from aging…but if you can pull it off you will always go to bed content with yourself, regardless of how old you are.

So there you have it guys! My 6 tips for getting older the way you want to. Look you are going to get older either way…you may as well do it the way you want to.

Tell me Happy Birthday on Facebook:   https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

080 – My Greatest Enemy

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 27 Jul 2016 08:14:09 -0500

STORY TIME WITH ALF IS HERE!

My Greatest Enemy…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: My Greatest Enemy was a real ‘life-changer’ for me. I don’t talk about the lesson learned in this one…because honestly, there are just too many to count. I do however invite you to let me know what you think the lesson was, or what it would have been if you went through this.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

FACEBOOK LINK:  https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

079 – Thank you Ladies!

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 25 Jul 2016 08:14:39 -0500

THANK YOU LADIES!

Todays episode is going to be a little different in that, instead of talking exclusively about man stuff, I’m going to be talking about women.

I don’t have access to the exact demographics, but I know for a fact that more and more women are tuning in to this show. I think that’s great, it’s fantastic, there’s room for everybody here. However, it does make me curious.

lf So first I would like to ask a favor of the women who listen to this show. Could you please go to the Contact Alf Tab and and write me a letter…what I would like you to tell me is, why you listen to a show called being a better man…if you are a woman.

I’m really curious, because when I started the show I thought there might be a few women who listen in, trying to gain some insight into the male mind, but I think it has gone beyond that.

I suspect there may be some single mothers of young boys who are looking for guidance, and I’m proud and happy to be a resource for you there.

There might be some women who are single and are trying to figure out what a better man would be like? There might also be some women in relationship who want validation that the guy lounging on their couch and eating their food is not actually being a better man. I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking. So if you would drop me a line that would be great.

I’ve had a few women ask me if what I talk about on this show can apply to women…if it can apply to people in general. Here’s what I think about that.

My gut reaction is that 90 or 95% of the stuff I talk about on this show and what my guests talk about is completely transferable and interchangeable between the genders. I’m not sure about that other 5 to 10% though.

We are all humans after all, the primary difference being our hormonal ratio’s. But…I also believe that men and women have some distinct differences, some of them caused by those hormonal ratios and I for one, am glad that we do have those differences, I celebrate them.

In general, women and men think differently, we act and react differently. I know this because I am married to one, I was raised by one and my sister and daughters also happen to be women…I have seen the mysterious differences first hand, and I think to deny they exist is foolish.

Here’s the thing though…I don’t know, what I don’t know. Having not been a woman myself I am not going to presume to understand all the subtle nuances that make them a woman. I am humble enough, and smart enough to realize there are some things I just won’t get unless I have actually experienced it…being a woman is one of those things.

That’s why I focus specifically on being a better man…because I know what I’m talking about there. I’ve been a man for a pretty long time, and I’m darn good at it. I can speak with confidence about the experience of being a man and I know what it means.

So, for you ladies who wonder if the things I talk about here can apply to you equally…my answer is, that I have no idea. It’s completely up to you, try it on and see if it fits. If I say something that makes no sense to you at all, it might be one of those areas we are different in, and if that’s the case it can still be valuable because its always helpful to understand how the other side thinks.

The same is true for you guys out there. I’ve heard so many guys complain about how women think and how they act. Trust me…we are just as mysterious to them as they are to us at times. Have you ever just listened…tried to put yourself in their shoes?

I’m not saying you need to agree or adopt their opinion or anything like that. I’m just suggesting that, as a man, if you are presented with the opportunity to listen to a woman, and hear the way she thinks, you should take that opportunity on in the role of a student.

Because even if it ultimately doesn’t make sense to you, just understanding the way the thought process flows and the motivations behind it, understanding the path in which conclusions are arrived at, can be infinitely helpful. You might become some sort of ninja that understands women, who knows?

I have to try and do this all the time, because of the physical disparity between me and my wife. I weigh around 270, she weighs around 125. That’s a huge difference…we are really living in two different worlds and sometimes I have to try and imagine what it is like to be her. At the same time, it’s helpful that she tries to understand what it’s like to be me.

That’s all it takes people, just a little bit of effort, a moment of consideration. Instead of getting angry at your partner…try to understand them.

If you can make that a habit your life will get a little easier and you will be a better man, and woman, than you were yesterday.

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078 – When Men Gossip

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 22 Jul 2016 08:14:43 -0500

WHEN MEN GOSSIP…

This is another listener inspired episode from Chris in Wisconsin, Chris wrote in wondering about how men should handle talking about other people. You know what I mean…you make a negative observation about a co-worker when they aren’t there. Someone walks by on the street and you make a little joke about them to your friend. Etcetera, etcetera…you know what I’m talking about.

It’s not limited to people, you could also be talking about a situation, or a group of people, or anything that is not directly within your circle. There is another name for this particular behavior…it’s called gossip, and it is not manly.

Ok first lets establish for the record that every single one of us, myself included, have been guilty of this…probably several times.

I get it…It’s a pretty common part of being human. But remember, we are not common men, we are trying to be better men. So lets take a closer look at this behavior.

First of all…why is it so bad. It’s fun to joke about people with your friends. It doesn’t hurt anyone because the people you are joking about or gossiping about can’t hear you, right?

Wrong. It does hurt someone…it hurts you. I said back on one of my first episodes that being a man is a responsibility and an example, because someone is always watching you, always! And whenever someone is watching you, you automatically become the example of manhood in that moment.

If you spend that moment making fun of someone less fortunate, or commenting negatively about someones appearance or actions or lifestyle, if you are putting someone else down in an attempt to elevate your own position…guess what? You have just failed at being an example of manhood, and that diminishes you, it makes you smaller.

Hey, it’s not an easy thing to stop doing. I am still tempted almost daily to make some witty remark, at someone else’ expense…and sometimes I still do. Being real honest with you…this is something that I am still struggling with.

Some things…a lot of things actually, just strike me as funny, and it’s difficult for me to leave a joke just lying there, without telling it.

It’s important though guys.

The second half of Chris’ question was…how should we talk about people? How do we make observations about things without diminishing ourselves by acting like boys.

It’s a good question. There are things wrong in the world, there are people who are wrong and situations that are stupid. On any given day you can make hundreds of observations about things that are screaming for you to make fun of them, or gossip about them. How do we, as men who are trying to be better, handle that?

First, remember that our words…like our actions, define who we are, what kind of man we are. There are a couple really simple rules you can follow that will help.

The first rule is; Don’t ever say anything about someone that you would not say to their face. It sounds simple enough, but If you really start running this little test in your head before you say things, you might find that you say a lot a crappy things.

Its just common sense; it is not the purpose of a man to hurt people, make them cry, ruin their day or make them feel bad. It is the function and purpose of a man to help, protect, teach, learn, and be an asset. So if you have something bad to say about someone…say it to them, in the spirit of trying to help them, or don’t say it at all.

Here’s the second rule; If you are involved in a conversation about any negative situation or person. Do not just keep piling on the negativity. In fact, do not contribute to the conversation at all unless you can say something that moves it forward, or offers a solution, only then should you speak.

We’ve all been in a situation like this, where we are talking about something that really sucks…and everyone is just venting, piling on more and more negativity like pouring gas on a fire, which can sometimes lead to worse emotions like anger, contempt and even hate. Negativity is like a black hole that tries to suck everything into it and make everything around it negative as well…you should avoid negativity at all cost. And remember, the things we focus on expand…if we focus on something negative…it will only expand that thing.

There are more finer points to overcoming gossip, but for now If you start out just following those two rules, then you will have made a great change in the way you present yourself to the world. It won’t be easy…particularly during this election cycle, but I challenge you to try. Try these two rules for two weeks. If you mess up just shake it off and keep trying.

If you join me on this challenge I would love to hear how it goes and what you discover as you go through it, so send me an email.

Well, thats it for today guys. Thanks Chris for another great question, and thank you all for listening. Here are the two rules again, try them out:

1.)   Don’t ever say anything about someone that you would not say to their face.

2.)   If you are involved in a conversation about any negative situation or person. Do not just keep piling on the negativity. In fact, do not contribute to the conversation at all unless you can say something that moves it forward, or offers a solution, only then should you speak.

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077 – French Toast Wars

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 20 Jul 2016 08:14:01 -0500

FRENCH TOAST WARS…

Story Time with Alf is here!

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: French Toast Wars is not for the delicate or queasy stomach. It’s a story about something I did that caused me to learn a great lesson about the difference between a true victory, and a hollow victory.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

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076 – Relationship Recovery

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 08:14:21 -0500

RELATIONSHIP RECOVERY…

Today’s episode is a listener inspired episode. A Guy named Christopher from Wisconsin went to the web site and wrote to me, he asked a question about recovering relationships…or repairing them.

In the case Chris wrote about he was estranged from his father, sounds like due to a marital breakup and his dads military service which made him absent much of the time. They got back together for three years when Chris was a teenager and then they separated again when he was 16…and have not spoken since.

First of all, thank you Chris for writing to me about this and asking what the right course of action in this situation is. Sadly…lots of people out there are in similar situations. Christopher’s last sentence in his letter is spot on; he said

“I don’t want to lose him because I was too bullheaded to reach out”.

In a way Chris answered his own question with that one sentence.

There are so many children and fathers that have had their relationship interrupted by divorce, by work, and by the court systems, it’s a huge problem.

Many times, like in Chris’ case, boy’s get reunited with their father in their teens for various reasons. He said his father did help him out and taught him some great stuff but it sounds like their relationship was strained and difficult. Which is kind of natural and normal after being apart for so long.

Look, Dad’s are people too. They have feelings and heartaches and they make huge mistakes sometimes. Some dads are more mature and rational than other dads are. Being human, some dad’s are better able to foster a relationship with their children than other dads.

Life was not designed to be fair, and regardless of your particular situation you have to play the cards you were dealt to the best of your ability regardless of what anyone else is doing. I believe that’s one of your obligations as a man.

You guys listening to this might even become a dad in this situation, or you might already be in a similar situation. No two situations are identical either…they all have different elements, personalities, and difficulties. Every family situation is unique.

However, there are some things that are the same regardless of what your circumstance is. One of those things is the importance of family.

There are a lot of guys like Chris’ dad who will not make the first move. Some of them are being ran by guilt, they feel like they failed as a father and don’t deserve a second chance. Some of them might feel like so much time has passed…there isn’t any hope and their kids are better off without them, still other fathers might be afraid of anger and rejection from their children. Then there are some…the bad dads, that really couldn’t care less and don’t want to be bothered.

I believe, that in any situation involving emotional conflict with another adult human there is a course of action that will yield the best results and allow you to move on regardless of the outcome.

You have to be the larger person, you have to make the first move. Put your pride aside, you have to be willing to risk rejection and anger and heartache. You have to calmly put aside past injuries and reach out to that other person in an honest, authentic way. Because family matters…relationship matters, and if you don’t try you will never know, and that would be truly tragic.

In my opinion one of life’s ultimate goals is to get to the end of it with as few regrets as possible. Don’t be the guy lying on your death bed being regretful that you never reached out to your child, or to your dad. Don’t lay there sad because you were a small person in life. Be the bigger person.

Of course in the case of abusive people, or mean dangerous chemically altered people or people of extreme low character I would have different advice. But most people don’t fall into those categories. Most people are just flawed human beings that make mistakes who want to love and be loved. For those people…I say try.

The second bit of advice I have goes like this; if you try to repair a lost or damaged relationship be careful to not go into it with inflated expectations…you must be prepared to accept these people exactly how they are, not how you imagined you wanted them to be all your life. Accept and know them as people first…their faults and their virtues, and then as your dad, son, or other family member.

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075 – I Am My Deeds

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 15 Jul 2016 08:14:21 -0500

I AM MY DEEDS…

So recently, I had the pleasure of being a guest on two other podcasts; I was on Father Nation with the host Jesse Foster, and that episode went live on July 9th, so you can listen to it right now if you want to. His podcast is designed for guys who are fathers, and he has guests who come on and share their experience and try to help men become better fathers.

The second show I was on is a hugely popular show called Knowledge For Men, hosted by Andrew Ferebee. His is a very well established podcast, they have been going for about three years and he imparts manly wisdom to his listeners twice a week and he has a lot of awesome guests…like myself. We had a fantastic talk about all kinds of things. His shows are usually around 30 – 40 minutes, but we were talking for over an hour without even noticing. I’m really looking forward to that episode going live, which it should in the next couple weeks. I’ll let you know when it does, that’s one reason to get on the Facebook page and the email list…so you don’t miss stuff like that.

Both of these hosts are great guys and I had a blast being on their show, I encourage you to check them out. There are links to both shows above…in case you missed it.

When I was talking with Andrew on Knowledge for Men one of the first things he wanted to know was if I had a success quote, a mantra, an inspirational phrase that I used in my life.

I did have one, and after the interview I was thinking about it and it occurred to me that I don’t think I have ever shared this phrase with you guys here on being a better man. I don’t know why I haven’t…because it is a phrase I adopted about ten years ago that pretty much changed my life. It is a phrase I say at least once a day and I usually think about it several more times each day.

This simple phrase is integral in the success of my personal journey to be a better man today than I was yesterday. So, I decided now was a good time to share it with you guys.

It’s a very short, simple phrase, it has four words. This is it…I AM MY DEEDS. That’s it, I am my deeds.

Some of you might be sitting there just blinking right know…thinking “what’s that supposed to mean?” I built it up to sound like I was giving you the keys to the universe…and now you are disappointed. I strongly urge you to keep reading though…because I’m going to explain why those four words really might be the keys to the universe.

So lets break it down; what are deeds? Deeds isn’t a word that is used that often these days but I like the word deed because it encompasses everything we say and do. Every action we have taken, every word we have spoken, every decision we have made and every conversation we have had, everything…since we have been alive. Those are our deeds.

Since the definition of deeds is all encompassing, it also includes every bad act you have done, every thing you are ashamed of as well as the things you are most proud of. Your deeds are everything you do.

Now that we know what deeds are, what is meant by the phrase I AM my deeds? This can be explained by the idea that we are the sum total of every experience, every action, every reaction, we are the sum total of everything that has happened since we are born. It all adds up to a unique total…and that is you, and me.

No two people are exactly alike because we have all had different experiences in life that add up to who we are. Even identical twins who share the same home, the same face, many of the same experiences, sometimes the same girlfriend and even the same DNA…as similar as they appear, they have still had different experiences, different conversations, they have processed events from different perspectives and it starts to become evident pretty quickly that their sum totals are different. They are unique individuals in spite of their similarities.

Our deeds are one of the biggest influences on the sum total of who we are because our deeds, the things we do, dictate the nature of experiences we have, what the outcomes are, how we felt about it and how others feel about us.

So when I say to myself each day, when I remind myself before I head out into the world that I am my deeds…it affects my behavior. If the things I do both good and bad become a part of me, Then I will be less inclined to engage in behavior that I don’t want to be part of me.

Have I done bad things in my life? Yes. Are there things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of? Absolutely. Are these things part of me still today? Yes, they are. They are part of my equation and I have to own that, learn from it, and use it as motivation to not repeat it.

here is a radical notion…once something is done, it cannot be undone. Sure you can do other things to try and compensate for it, you can pay damages, you can suffer the consequences, and some people even think you can be forgiven for it…but the hard truth of the matter is, it cannot be undone.

For example, lets say you committed murder, I’m not talking about self defense, you killed someone because you were angry, an unjustified homicide. And then after that murder you are forgiven by every court, every person and every power in the universe that you subscribe to…that’s great, but the person is still dead as a doornail, your deeds cannot be undone.

We all have two choices when we commit a bad act; 1. we can pretend that it never happened, or 2. we can own it completely, acknowledge that is has now become part of us, and learn from it, and try to be better in the future. I say there are only two choices, because everything besides owning it falls under the pretending it never happened category.

So, how can this help you? The same way it helped me. Once you internalize this notion that you are your deeds, once you fully understand and assimilate the truth of it…you suddenly become something you never were before; 100% personally accountable for everything you do.

There is great power and freedom in that because you no longer have to be accountable to anyone else, you beat them to it…because you are already accountable to yourself first, which renders everyone else’ accounting obsolete…you are now driving the train, you are no longer a passenger.

With this freedom you are now able to design the person that you become by choosing what your sum total is…you decide with your actions what will become a part of you and what won’t.

I also believe that’s happening wether people know it’s happening or not. Some folks are out there doing one bad act after another and it is becoming who they are. They don’t realize the impact their deeds are having on who they are…

So, I am my deeds, and you are your deeds. Our deeds become part of us, and realizing that gives us the upper hand. We now have the freedom and power to choose what we are made of…by choosing our deeds.

This may be a brand new concept to some you, but I want you all to think about it. Try it on, say it a few times…ponder the possibility that everything you do becomes a part of who you are. If you have any questions or comments about this I would love to hear them.  Go to the Contact Alf tab and send me an email.

That’s it for today guys. Now head into the weekend knowing that you are your deeds. Know that you have the power to design who you are. By your own actions you can be a better man today than you were yesterday.

074 – Results Are Everything

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 13 Jul 2016 08:14:13 -0500

RESULTS ARE EVERYTHING!

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: Results are everything, taught me early on that results aren’t only important…they are the only thing that ultimately matters. It’s an emotional story for me personally, one that is still vivid in my mind. I hope it will convey the same message to you, that it did to me.

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073 – No Excuse For Catcalling

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 11 Jul 2016 08:14:20 -0500

NO EXCUSE FOR CATCALLING!

Today’s episode is inspired by an article I read recently that was about catcalling, and how there are a faction of men who defend catcalling…as though they have some sort of right to hurl insults and sexually suggestive phrases to women on the street with whom they have no familiarity.

Here is the article http://www.dailydot.com/irl/men-defend-catcalling/?fb=dd basically…a woman made a post on twitter about cat-calling and then a bunch of men started tweeting their outrage at her post and were defending the time honored tradition of cat-calling.

Ok…really? Is this really a thing? Growing up in rural America as I did, being raised with a natural respect and reverence for females I always thought that cat-calling as it is described in this article was just something they did in movies to make some men appear like complete morons.

Now I have to acknowledge that I’m a little out of touch, because there are men who actually partake in, and defend this behavior.

So what is Catcalling exactly? My definition is that It is an unprovoked loud whistle, a comment, or gesture usually of a sexual nature directed toward a stranger, typically a woman who is out in public minding her own business.

Hmmm…when put that way it sounds like plain old harassment doesn’t it? That’s because that’s exactly what it is.

Apparently, the men who defend this indefensible behavior are unable to make the distinction between catcalling and merely talking to a stranger. They act as though if you take away their ability to catcall that they will never be able to interact with another woman…as though this is the only means in their tiny little brains they can come up with to communicate with the opposite sex.

This isn’t rocket science guys…Yelling at a woman you don’t know on the other side of the street is not talking. Expressing your admiration of a strange woman’s body parts…is not having a conversation. Describing what you would like to do to a strange woman…is not talking…no, what it is, is a type of verbal rape.

Some guys defending this behavior said “what, I can’t say hello to a woman anymore?”

Well…there is a big difference between saying “hello” as you pass, or saying “hellooooooo” as he stops and looks the woman up and down. One is talking and one is harassment, can you tell the difference? It’s kind of like the difference between actually being part of the human race or being a Neanderthal.

Then there is another problem that arises; women say that when they are catcalled if they respond in a disapproving manner, that they are attacked verbally or physically for not being friendly towards the cat-caller. These men deal with deserved rejection by lashing out and calling the woman names, as though they expect every woman they meet to be enchanted by them regardless of how rude they are…WHAT? This all sounds crazy to me and it makes me a little angry.

The article stated that women have been physically injured or killed for not responding favorably to a rude catcall. Unbelievable.

I realize that the vast majority of men listening to this program are not out catcalling women…at least I hope you aren’t. I like to think that if you are interested in being a better man that you would have already evolved beyond this point. But…it’s still an important topic and something to be aware of because the men doing this are recognized by society as men, and you are a man, I’m a man, so in some way as men we are all guilty by association.

That’s why it’s so important that good men are seen, that good men stand up and speak out against behavior like this.

I have a confession; I can’t remember actually ever witnessing a woman being catcalled. I know this because if I saw a man treating a woman this way I would immediately confront the man and tell him to stop, I would make him stop…and I can’t remember that ever happening.

I wonder though, if it has happened subtly around me and I just didn’t notice because my brain isn’t tuned into this kind of thing.

I had a conversation with my wife about this topic and she had a lot to say. She lived in New York for several years and she describes a daily routine of preparation before leaving her apartment every day. She had to consider what she was wearing, what her route would be, where the safe places were, what escape routes would be available, she had to prepare herself mentally and emotionally to endure what lay ahead of her because she says she got catcalled every single day she lived in that City.

Wow…That sounds like living in a war zone. Don’t even get me started on the fact that even girls as young as ten have to deal with this…it’s totally unacceptable.

Some guys who defended this behavior in the article tried to down play catcalling as harmless fun, feeling the women should be happy they are being complimented and noticed.

I can almost relate to this attitude because there were a few times when I was younger that I recall a car full of women yelling some compliment about my arms or butt when they drove by. I didn’t mind it at all, in fact I was happy I was complimented and noticed. But there is a huge difference, that a lot of guys seem to miss.

The difference is that I do not feel physically threatened in any way by a car load of women. My safety was not at issue, which freed me up to take it as a harmless compliment.

Imagine though, how it must feel to a woman. Try really hard to put yourself in their shoes.

Imagine what it would be like to take a walk through the jungle, at night, with a bloody steak tied to your back…that’s kind of what being a woman in public is like.

Imagine traveling to a world where the average person was 1.24 times bigger than you…for me that means everyone would weigh at least 330…physically, there would be some potential risk everywhere I went. That’s what its like for women in public.

Some men defend catcalling as a means of pursuing their sexual or romantic interest…gimme a break! Has any guy anywhere ever got a date this way? I highly doubt it.

Instead I agree with Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D, a sexuality educator who is quoted in the article as saying

“Men don’t catcall to earnestly get a woman’s number, but to signify to whoever is listening that they are powerful, virile, and that public spaces belong to them.”

In other words it’s all about perceived power and status, not honest sexuality.

It disturbs me that there are men who are so pathetic they will tromp all over the liberty of one person to gain the approval and acceptance of another.

In my world that’s the worst of what it is to be a man. That’s not sharing your strength…that’s imposing your strength. If you go through life with the full knowledge of who you are then you don’t require the acknowledgement of others to acquire a false perception of power…rather, you exist in your own true power every day.

Hey I’ve got an alternative suggestion for these catcalling guys. If you really, genuinely want to meet a woman or get her attention try this;

Instead of being a rude Neanderthal who catcalls women, be on the lookout for other guys who do that. If you see someone mistreating a woman in public walk up and politely tell him why he’s wrong. Ask him if he would like someone saying that to his mother, or wife or girlfriend or daughter. Cordially explain that he is making himself look like an ignorant bully.

You might still not meet the woman, but you may distract the guy long enough for her to get away. You might also get attacked or even beat up depending on your own physical prowess…but so what. In my book there are lots of things worse than getting beat up in the defense of an innocent person.

If potentially getting beat up is the price you pay for knowing you are part of the solution rather than part of the problem…I think its a good deal. This might sound crazy to some people…I agree, it’s not a common way of thinking, but we are not common men, I ask you; if you don’t speak up and spread the message that this behavior is unacceptable, then who will? Are you just going to leave it up to the next guy? What if it was your mother, your wife or daughter? Wouldn’t you want someone there prepared to defend them? I certainly would.

Some may think this is radical thinking and I might even catch some flak for it, but I wouldn’t suggest anything I’m not willing to do myself, and I have done it. Not with catcalling but in the case of public verbal or physical abuse I have interjected myself on several occasions, and I will continue to.

The bottom line is an uncomfortable one; the bottom line is that if women and girls in our world are being made to feel unsafe, if they are being verbally mistreated and accosted in public spaces…it’s because we as a society, all of us, have allowed it to happen.

If that’s true then it stands to reason that the answer would be for all of us to stop allowing it to happen. Period.

I think I’ll stop there for today, but we may revisit this issue in the future. I’m going to be keeping my eye on it.

I’ll also be interested to hear your thoughts about this topic, I would like to hear from men and women what your experiences with this are and what your feelings about it might be. You can send me a note here: Write to Alf.

072 – Heroes And Role Models

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 08 Jul 2016 08:14:57 -0500

Heroes And Role Models…

Todays show is a listener inspired episode from a woman in Colorado named Theryn. Yes…we do have females in the listening audience! More and more all the time from what I understand.

Theryn asked a question about male role models…or heroes. Because she didn’t have any good role models growing up she used men on the TV shows she watched as her example of manhood and masculinity. Her question is in regard to what my opinion is of using fictional, cinematic figures as role models for masculinity, and if I had any growing up.

First I would like to thank Theryn for her question and thanks also for listening, and thanks for the question.   If theryn can do it, you can do it. Be like Theryn!

The next thing I want to address about this is that to some people it may seem odd that a female is asking a question about male role models…but it isn’t odd at all, and I applaud Theryn for asking. Females need good male role models just as much as guys do. Perhaps for slightly different reasons…but think about it. If a young girl doesn’t have a good male role model, then she has no idea of what to expect, or what to look for, or what to like or dislike about the other half of the population.

A woman’s perception of masculinity becomes critical as she gets older and starts choosing male friends, and it gets even more critical as she starts dating and possibly choosing who will become the father of her children. If she has gown up with no male role models whatsoever then she is going into all that completely blind, and being forced to learn from her mistakes. You can imagine what kind of chaos this can result in.

Equally devastating, is when a young girl has a bad male role model, and that’s all she has. I’ve seen this happen several times; a girl is raised by a mean, uncaring, distant, altered, or abusive father and to her young mind…that’s how men are supposed to be. Often times girls in this situation grow up and ultimately choose someone just like their dad, because that is what they are used to, that is their comfort zone…and, the cycle continues.

In our example today I believe Theryn did exactly the right thing…in the absence of a good male role model she focused on fictional characters from movies and TV to help her learn the difference between good and bad men. By comparing these men to other men in TV and movies she was able to identify those character traits she admired.

Now, let me be clear…in the absence of any other positive role models I think this is the next best course of action…but there can be downsides.

In her letter she mentioned Jean Luc Picard from star trek the next generation…I agree, he is a fine role model of character and masculinity. BUT, he is a fictional character and someone wrote him that way. He is almost infallible, and if a person does not keep that in perspective you could wind up getting disappointed out in the real world because it’s difficult if not impossible for a real life human man to measure up to someone that was invented by a writer. But, as long as you keep in mind the fact that they are fictional characters then I encourage both men and women to admire them and learn what you can from them.

When I was growing up I was blessed to have my actual father as a role model, and a hero. He is still the best man I have ever known. However, I still had my share of fictional and non-fictional heroes.

When I was a boy I read The Odyssey and was captivated by the hero Odysseus. Then there was Pappy Boyington played by Robert Conrad in the TV show Baa Baa Black Sheep. John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and of course…James Tiberius Kirk from the original Star Trek, and several others.

They were all quite different characters with different strengths and some of them had qualities my dad didn’t have, but ultimately they served to validate and solidify many of the virtues I saw in my father like honesty, bravery, confidence, wisdom, toughness, rationality, controlled anger, a sense of justice and yes…compassion and understanding when it was called for.

I’m thankful for all these characters, they helped me become who I am as a man. But I was fortunate to have my real life father to check and weigh things against.

So, I think a real life human role model is the best thing wether he’s your father, a neighbor or an uncle or whatever. But in the absence of a human…fictional role models are the next best thing, as long as you remember they are fictional.

I think having heroes is incredibly important. In the application for the Mantoring program where I become a mentor for men who want to make changes…one of the questions is “who were your heroes”. It’s an important question because you can tell a lot about a person by who their heroes are…just as much as by who their enemies are. I am surprised by the number of men who don’t know how to answer that question. They didn’t have any heroes to speak of. I think that’s kind of sad, and it makes me wonder what happened that caused young boys to grow up never having a hero.

I believe we as a species were designed to have heroes, because in the ancient lore from every corner of the world tales of heroes have been told for centuries. The ancients used heroes to captivate the imagination of people, to quicken their pulse…and then as an example for people to hopefully follow.

Thanks again to Theryn for asking the question, I hope I answered it. Now, to wrap it all up, Role models and heroes are slightly different things, but they are equally important to both males and females. A hero and role model can also be both things in the same person.

For you listening who didn’t have a good role model growing up, you had a harder road to travel, but if you are listening to this show you must have done alright.

The biggest thing I want everyone to take away from this episode is that every single one of you have an opportunity. Wether you had heroes or not…wether you had a good role model or not, you now have an opportunity to become someone else’ hero, you can be someone else’ role model. Because someone is always watching, and if they are watching you be a better man today than you were yesterday you have just become an example for that person wether you realize it or not. That’s how it works.

Remember to check us out on Facebook. That is also where you can order the Being A Better Man tee shirt and help get the word out.

It’s Friday, so have a great weekend. Become a role model for someone simply by being a better man today than you were yesterday.

071 – Show And Tell

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 06 Jul 2016 08:14:54 -0500

Show And Tell

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: Show and Tell taught me an enormous lesson about the power of words…and how they can backfire pretty quickly.

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070 – Independence Day!

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 04 Jul 2016 08:14:55 -0500

Independence Day!

I know I have a lot of listeners who are not from America…so for you, the 4th of July is just the day that comes after the 3rd of July.

In America though…it is independence day. It is the anniversary of the day 240 years ago that the declaration of independence was signed. With the signing of that document America became a new nation, completely independent from Britain’s rule. All of a sudden we were our own boss…we were independent.

So the 4th of July is our national day. Other countries have National day’s too. I decided to look them up and I found a list of 171 countries that have National days, and in most cases it is a day that celebrates independence from another country.

As I was looking over the list I started to notice something…Of the 171 countries listed, 55 of them celebrated their independence from the United Kingdom on their national day…just like us.

There are a couple ways to look at it…the glass half empty approach would be that England really was hell-bent on taking over the whole world and it didn’t work out so well.

While with the glass half full approach you could say that Great Britain is responsible for 32% of the national celebrations in the world…Yay for England!

Putting all that aside, a question looms; Why is independence such a big deal that it causes entire countries to come together and celebrate it?

In America we celebrate with fireworks and picnics, eating and drinking, families spending time together and people getting the day off work…unless you happen to work at one of the National retail chains that tries to capitalize on our patriotism.

I had the great opportunity to be in Oslo Norway one year when they celebrated their National day on the 17th of May. They had won their independence from Denmark. It was similar to the fourth of July in many ways…but it seemed bigger to me somehow, grander, deeper. It made the 4th of July seem like a great party, while the 17th of May was a true celebration that fills the people with national pride from the youngest to the oldest.

They have a parade of children in every town…imagine a river of children going through the streets waving flags and holding banners. There are speeches in the parks, and games the whole community can join into, they wear special clothing called Bunads that signifies the area they are from. So…it is a party, yes, and it’s a lot of fun…but the people really come together and celebrate something; their independence and autonomy as a nation. Nationals, immigrants, children and elderly all come together on this day for this special purpose, and it’s a beautiful thing to be a part of.

That experience in Norway caused me to see the 4th of July in a different light. Sure we all know…we learn in school what it was all about. But how often do Americans actually remember what we are celebrating? When you go to the fireworks show or fire up the grill and crack that beer open do you also stop to consider for just a moment how things would be if those brave men and women who were the first Americans had not done the things they did to win our independence and secure our nation? Do you share the story with your children and explain what the day is about? I think we as a country sometimes take our autonomy for granted…and it’s kind of sad.

America is far from perfect. We did, and continue to do a lot of things wrong…but, we also did a lot of things right, and better than any other country ever did before…that’s pretty cool and I prefer to focus on and celebrate those things. We have the other 364 days of the year that we can gripe and grumble about the injustices and inequities and all the other things that might be wrong. But, on this day…and on the National day for every other country in the world why not be proud and truly celebrate the things that are right and good? For one day put aside differences in lifestyle, culture, religion and politics…and just be Americans.

OK, so that’s about as political as I’ll ever get on this show. I started out intending to just talk about the concept of independence as it applies to being a better man…but then I got sidetracked by the holiday itself. I’m going to take a minute now and just talk about independence.

The struggles that early America went through to gain it’s independence from England is not that unlike the struggles we face as young men and women seeking our independence. England was the parent and we were the child. We thought our parent to be overbearing and old-fashioned and we thought we had a better idea, so we struck out on our own.

We crave independence as a species, we don’t like anyone telling us what to do and it often leads to a lot of mistakes being made. I know it did in my life, I was so anxious to become a man and be my own boss that I ignored the good council of my elders and wound up suffering for it on more than one occasion…that’s part of the process though.

I believe independence should be a goal for every man. In this case independence would be defined as operating, functioning, deciding and choosing the path and rhythm of your own life, relying only on yourself and the strength of your own will to accomplish the things you decide to.

Independence is the opposite of dependence, and It would mean not being dependent upon situations and conditions, but rather…persevering and figuring out how to excel in spite of those situations and conditions…or to take it even further, being the force that creates situations and conditions that are favorable. Imagine if every man lived his life this way…it would be a different world wouldn’t it?

To gain your autonomy…your independence as a man is still possible, even though we are subject to laws and governments and employers and economic statistics…we can still be autonomous men. How? By first understanding what we believe and what we stand for as individuals, and then by never compromising those beliefs for anyone or any thing. To put it another way, to be true to yourself at all costs.

And there will be costs, some severe and some not, but there are always costs associated with independence, you must resolve to endure those costs whatever they are, before you begin. The reward for doing this is knowing what it is like to live and die as an independent man, and in doing so…be an example for others to follow.

OK, I’m going to wrap it up there for today…I know you all have places to be and parties to attend. I want you all to have a great 4th of July, and be safe. I also ask that you take a moment to reflect on what you are celebrating, maybe even share it with someone else. You can also use this time to reflect on your own independence as a man…and what it means to be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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069 – Drive like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 01 Jul 2016 08:14:01 -0500

DRIVE LIKE A MAN…

Well…it’s Friday. The weekend is about to start and people will be traveling to and fro to their various weekend destinations. I myself was out driving around today…and it got me to thinking about what it means to Drive Like A Man.

This could be a touchy subject…I realize that. It’s amazing how many people get defensive when their driving skills are criticized, especially men.

Believe it or not, for some reason a lot of guys attach their driving prowess to their masculinity. So if some of the things I say in this episode activate you emotionally…well, you’ll just have to put your big boy pants on and get over it.

Look…I happen to be a professional driver. I’ve logged over a million miles as a commercial long haul driver and I’ve had a lot of other driving jobs from cement trucks to garbage trucks. I’ve had zero accidents that were my fault, and zero traffic infractions. This happens to be one topic that I am actually an expert at, so I encourage you to pay attention without getting emotional.

I often talk about the way we carry ourselves out in the world, to be mindful that we are the example of manhood for anyone who happens to be looking at us, right? Well, the same concept is true when we are driving…yet, for many people when they get in their cars they suddenly feel like they have put on a new identity, they become someone else. It’s like some people are putting on a giant suit of armor and are actually becoming the car they drive, instead of being the person who is operating it.

As a veteran of so many miles I could spend days just talking about all the horrible, unsafe drivers I have seen. The rude behavior, the flagrant lack of concern for other people…I’ve got tons of stories. I have also had the unfortunate experience of seeing way too many accidents, fatal and otherwise. Yes…I have seen dead bodies on the road and it isn’t pretty.

Sadly…men are around 3 times more likely to be involved in a driving mishap than women. So why is that? It’s not rocket science…obviously men tend to be less cautious, more aggressive, more likely to be driving drunk, and they drive faster. Not to mention all the incidents of distracted driving due to cell phone use.

I don’t think it’s entirely due to gender per se, the problem is really hormonal; men operate on testosterone…which can result in all the above behaviors but, that is not a valid excuse gentlemen.

Along with our testosterone we also have intellect…which allows us to do something that our counterparts in the animal kingdom cannot do…which is to intellectually override our hormonal tendencies.

OK, so what does it mean to drive like a man? Here is what I think…I think it means that you behave the same way behind the wheel as you do when you are on your feet around other people. You demonstrate courtesy, be confident without being arrogant, you are always vigilant and aware of your surroundings, you act like someone that doesn’t have anything to prove. There is another name for it; Defensive driving…you know, as opposed to offensive driving. Don’t drive like you are on offense.

If you wouldn’t force your way between two people in the movie line, then why would you do that on the highway where you could wind up killing people?

Do you walk down the street screaming at the top of your lungs? Then why would you drive around with your windows down and your sound system rattling other cars windows?

When you are in public do you walk so close behind people they can feel you breath on their neck? Of course not…then why do you follow people so close on the road that if they touch their brakes you will wind up in their trunk?

If you are walking into a restaurant and you see a family also headed for the door do you start running to get in front of them? I hope not because that would be rude. So why is it OK to do the same thing in your car?

Guys…you have to remember that cars are big heavy things, they kill over 30,000 people a year in America alone. You may feel like your car is part of your personal identity…an extension of your personality, but the fact is your car is a dangerous tool that is used to get from place to place…you should treat it as a dangerous tool.

Nowadays a popular topic of conversation is gun safety and gun control…well I have an interesting statistic for you. These numbers are from 2013.

In 2013 guns killed 33,636 people in America. That includes homicides, suicides, and accidents.

In that same year automobiles killed 32,719…only 917 less deaths than from guns. So why aren’t people screaming about car control and car safety?

One huge difference in these statistics is that a lot of those gun deaths were intentional…while almost none of the car deaths were, which means…they were entirely preventable.

I have said before that being a man is primarily two things; a responsibility and an example. As men we have an obligation to be a force of protection and safety for those around us. That applies more than ever when you are behind the wheel…because the stakes are much higher. If you were to take out a family because your’e being a bonehead douchebag…how would you live with that? That would be the opposite of being a better man.

For those of you who are actually good, safe, courteous drivers…good job, I’m proud of you, you are a credit to your gender. As for the rest of you…and you know who you are, the next time you get behind the wheel try not to become that other person…instead be the guy who is listening to this podcast right now who wants to be a better man today than he was yesterday…driving like a true man is one way to do that.

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068 – Too Close For Comfort

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 29 Jun 2016 08:14:20 -0500

TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called: Too close for comfort is a tale of an adventure, an experience, and a bad idea. The beautiful part about it is this; every experience we have , good or bad is capable of yielding positive lessons if we know where to look. This story definitely taught me a great lesson that I still use to this day.

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067 – Making Time

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 27 Jun 2016 08:14:30 -0500

Making Time…

Today I want to talk about something that affects each and every one of us every single day…I’m talking about time, more specifically; making time. Have you ever wished there were more hours in the day because it seems like you can’t get everything done that you need to do?

Or have you ever failed to accomplish something that you needed to do…and blamed the lack of time for it? If you have, your’e not alone. Time, and the management of that time is something that every human struggles with. Some people have learned to be very good at it, while others are horrible…they have allowed themselves to become victims of time itself.

I think the excuse of “there wasn’t enough time” might be the single most used excuse in humanity…we blame everything on a lack of time. But remember…here at Being A Better Man excuses do not exist.

The fact is, that there are 24 hours in a day. Every man, woman and child on earth has access to those same 24 hours each day. So why then, do some people seem to be able to make good use of that time while other people never, ever seem to have enough?

The difference as I see it is that some people just let time happen to them, while other people have learned how to make time work for them.

I used to be one of those people that felt like there just wasn’t enough time. I was working 16 hours a day for awhile and by the time I got home I only had enough time to eat, shower and go to bed so I could get up and do it all over again. I didn’t think I had time for my relationships, or anything else and it was really frustrating. I only saw my kids on the weekends. I felt like a victim and in truth what I had become is a slave. A slave to time.

After awhile I started to notice the effects of this lifestyle on my family. I was losing my connection with people and actually I was also losing connection with myself. I began to realize that it was all my own creation…and my priorities were really fouled up and I was not making time for things that mattered most.

I thought that by working as much as I could and earning as much money as I could that I was doing the best thing for my family. I made earning money my biggest priority…and by doing so, all of my relationships suffered. It turns out my kids didn’t need a guy that could buy them whatever they wanted…what they really needed more than anything was a dad. A dad who spent time with them, who talked and laughed with them, a dad who taught them things. A dad who got to know them as people and who was around long enough to be an example, and to make them feel valuable because I was interested in their life.

So I changed things around, I made my family the first priority, and just like magic…my relationships improved. It turns out that there was enough time to do that all along, I just hadn’t recognized it.

I’m telling you all this to remind you that you are in charge of your time, regardless of your situation. You can still be ambitious and successful AND also make time for the things in your life that are truly important. What good is it to work your tail off for years, finally get that big promotion and the fat bank account only to find that the rest of your life is empty…what’s the point of that?

It might not seem like a big deal when you are younger. You might not have a family or kids yet, you might be working full time and going to school full time and doing everything you can to accomplish your goals…that’s great, I applaud your efforts. But, what if you made the time in the middle of all that to pick up the phone and call your folks, just to let them know how you feel about them? What would that take? 5 minutes, 10 minutes? Thats a small price to pay to stay connected to people you love.

Maybe you have a really tough, demanding job. When you come home you just want to sit down and unwind, you don’t want to be bothered. You grab a beer and turn on the TV and the next thing you know 20 years have gone by and you don’t understand why your kids never call or come around. What if you had turned off the TV and spent more time talking to the people in your house? Maybe those relationships would be different?

I’ve heard so many people who are grieving the death of someone complain about the fact that they never had enough time with the dearly departed…when the truth is, that they simply just never made the time, and now they’re living in regret.

What this all has to do with being a better man is this; Whatever your priorities are, whatever grand things you want to accomplish and whatever kind of man you want to become…you will have to gain some mastery over your own time in order to pull it off. You are granted the same 24 hours as everybody else and what you do with those 24 hours matters.

One of the first steps in gaining control over your time and what you do with it, is to realize that it’s all up to you. A lack of time is not a valid excuse. Once you realize that, then you start figuring out how to make time work for you…as long as that excuse is there, you feel powerless against it and you won’t figure out how to over come it.

But when you can no longer use that as an excuse that’s when you can get creative and figure out ways to pursue the things that are really important, by making time. That’s why it’s so important to have your priorities in the right place…because the things we focus on expand, no matter how much time you have.

I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not. It’s something I’m still trying to get better at myself. It’s worth it though…I can tell you that.

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066 – What Are We Doing Here??

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 24 Jun 2016 08:14:04 -0500

What Are We Doing Here??

This is episode 66…and as I was thinking of what I was going to talk about today I decided it would be a good time to check in and sort of remind everyone what we are doing here. There are probably lots of new listeners that didn’t hear some of the early episodes where I spelled it all out…and for you regulars, it doesn’t hurt to re-affirm what and why you are doing something…so, what are we doing here?

The show is definitely starting to get some traction, people are becoming aware of it. Just last week The news organization Hooplaha…the organization that only reports good news, came to my house and shot some video for a piece on their website. It isn’t out yet, I will let you know when it is, but one of the questions they asked me during the interview is; why should someone want to be better…what’s in it for them?

I thought that was a great question, an important question…and it really cuts right to the heart of what this show is about. Because if there isn’t a reason to do something….then why would you do it? right?

Back when I was still figuring out how to do a podcast I started researching the resources that are out there for men…and there are a ton of them between whats in print and whats on podcasts. Real quickly I started seeing some patterns; a lot of them talked about picking up girls, lots of them talked about mens fashion, others talked about sports. Some are political. A huge amount of these resources for men are aimed at helping you make more money, advancing your career. I did find some shows that talked about the character of men…but every single one of them I found came at it from one particular religious philosophy or another. Now I would never say that there’s anything wrong with that, but…it sort of leaves out everyone who may not subscribe to that particular philosophy.

So in all my looking I didn’t find one resource that focused exclusively on the character of men, that talked about being a better man today than you were yesterday for no other reason than you made a decision thats what you should do.

So, thats why I made this podcast and that’s why it is the way it is. But the whole thing really started out with my own journey, several years ago when I decided that the thing I should do is commit myself to perpetual improvement in every possible area of my life…and I would accomplish that by simply being a better man today, than I was yesterday. And then keep doing that every day. I wouldn’t try to be a great man…or even a good man…but I would commit to being a better man every day.

So this podcast is a reflection of my own journey,…it’s me, inviting you to go on this journey with me.

So that’s what got us here…now back to the question; Why should you want to be better? Whats in it for you? What are we doing here?

Now pay attention…my whole philosophy hinges on what I’m about to tell you. I maintain that if a man focuses on, and is committed to a pattern of constant personal improvement , if every day he makes a decision to be a better man than he was the day before…then, all the other pieces of his life will come together. All the things I mentioned earlier will become accessible to you.

Well how does that work Alf?

I’m going to tell you right now.

Imagine a guy like this who has first decided what kind of man he wants to be. He has taken a good long look in the mirror and he came away with a clear picture of the kind of man he wants to become. Then, every day he looks for opportunities that he can take advantage of that will incrementally move him closer to that image. He is making sure he is a better man today, than he was yesterday.

Now imagine how that will affect the rest of his life…his boss will probably notice and appreciate him more, he might get a raise and more responsibility. All of his relationships will improve because here is obviously a man that stands for something, a man that says what he means, a man that people trust and respect. With his newfound confidence that only comes when a man truly knows his own mind romantic opportunities will increase as well.

As you can see those are all great benefits, but it doesn’t end there. As this man goes on, every part of his life will continue to improve…just as he continues being a better man each day. Of course he will face adversities as every human does, but he will handle them well, and learn from them, and move on better for the experience because that’s what he is committed to. With his network of strong relationships more and more opportunities will come his way, thats how it happens. He eventually comes to a point where he is now living a life that he created with the strength of his own will…rather than a life that just happened to him.

And throughout this journey, every night when this man goes to bed he does so content with the knowledge that he is going to bed a better man than he was the day before, and that’s a great feeling. But perhaps the greatest benefit, in my opinion…is the legacy this man will leave behind. All the people he influenced, all the other men to whom he was an example. In that way, this man has made the world a slightly better place.

So…if you ever start wondering why you should be a better man, think of this guy I just told you about. That guy is you, if you want it to be. It’s not a fairytale…it’s simple cause and effect. All of those old sayings are really true…sayings like, you get out of it what you put into it. It is so very true…you get out of life, what you put into it. Pretty simple really…you want a better life? Then be a better man.

I can’t really make it any more clear than that. But that is the answer to the question…What are we doing here?

So it’s all up to you. You have to do it all, no one can do it for you. This podcast is here to help you keep this mission in the upper levels of your mind, so that you think about it every day…until it becomes a habit.

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065 – Bottoms Up

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 22 Jun 2016 13:45:59 -0500

Bottoms up…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called Bottom’s Up is kind of embarrassing…in fact it could very well be the most embarrassing thing I have ever experienced. It was hard to find a good title and picture for it as well…I settled on the Pachyderm posterior you see above. I hope you enjoy it, even though it was embarrassing for me there were still some great lessons learned from it.

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064 – Father’s Day

Alf Herigstad — Sun, 19 Jun 2016 08:14:34 -0500

Father’s Day…

Today’s episode is in honor of Father’s day, which is why I am releasing it today instead of tomorrow. There won’t be a Monday episode this week. I had the pleasure of being with my dad today, he is 80 years old and doing great. I also got to spend time with some of my kids and Grandkids

In preparation for this show I went back and listened to the episode I did for Mother’s day, Episode 46. I wanted to be sure I didn’t repeat myself, I didn’t want it to be too similar. But as I listened to that episode I realized that there isn’t much danger of that, because Father’s and Mother’s really are two very different things. Equally important, but different.

I’ve talked a lot about my dad on this show, because he was the major influence in my life when it comes to being a man. He was my model, so it stands to reason he would come up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…he is a great man, the best man I have ever known and I’m so fortunate to have had him for a father, and now…as a great friend as well.

I could easily spend this whole episode talking about my dad and how awesome he is, but I don’t think that would be that helpful to anyone. So instead I would like to just talk about fatherhood itself. The problem is…I don’t want to be too negative, and thats tough.

The reason it’s tough to not be too negative is because when you start talking about the wondrous gift that fatherhood is both to the children and the fathers…it’s hard to ignore the fact that there are tons of guys out there right now making babies and walking away, with no intention of ever being actual fathers…and most of those guys doing that never had fathers either.

So you see my predicament; I would like to make an uplifting inspirational message for fathers day and at the same time my heart is breaking for the thousands of children out there who have been abandoned or mistreated by their fathers.

Tell you what…I’ll narrow my focus and see if that helps. Instead of thinking about the whole world or the the whole country, I’ll narrow it down to just the men in this audience who are listening to this program.

Of the men listening to this program you probably fall into one of five categories;

Guys that had great dads who were always there.

Guys that had OK dads.

Guys that were raised by a step dad or an uncle or a grandfather instead of your biological dad. So you had intermittent father figures

Guys that had a dad but he wasn’t a good guy, he was possibly abusive or alcoholic, he was a bad dad.

Guys that had no father at all.

Of course there are little nuances and differences to every situation, but basically, these are the five categories. You’ll notice I didn’t make a distinction for guys who were adopted, because you will still fall into one of these categories.

As you consider which group you are in, it’s almost automatic that you start making a list of pros and cons in your mind, you can’t really help it. If your dad was abusive you immediately see how that affected you and influenced your own behavior and decisions. If your dad was just ok you might remember the good things he did but also make note of what was missing. If you didn’t have a dad then you start thinking of all the ways that affected you.

The point is…what this illuminates is…the massive impact fatherhood, or the lack thereof has on children, either good or bad. Each one of you can plainly see the impact your experience with fatherhood had in your life. Fatherhood is one half of the parental equation, a full one half. But our court systems and society sometimes acts as though it is a minor role…and that is incredibly unfortunate. I have seen some improvement in this over the past few years, but we still have a ways to go.

Another point to consider when thinking about these five fatherhood categories is that each one of these categories has produced fine, exceptional men in spite of the advantages or disadvantages of each category. Likewise, each one of these categories has produced men that are not even worthy of the title of ‘man’. Some men have rose above their circumstance and prevailed in spite of their situation, while others have become victims of their situation and have used their disadvantage or even their advantage…as an excuse to behave badly.

So what does that mean? Ultimately it all comes down to the individual doesn’t it? Regardless of your situation it all comes down to you, the individual making a decision about what kind of man you are going to be. Wether you had a great dad, or no dad, everyone arrives at the same point when they have to make that decision.

It’s true, the guy with no dad may have to try much harder and seek out mentors and teachers. The child of an alcoholic abuser will have much bigger obstacles than the guy who had a great dad. The world was not designed to be fair and we shouldn’t expect that it will be. There are men who prevail…there are men who make the right decision in spite of how unfortunate their circumstance may be, and as I’ve said before…what one man can do, another can do.

When the time comes for a man to make a decision about what kind of man he is going to be, wether to rise above his circumstance or wallow in victimhood…there are no valid excuses. As men we are wholly responsible for every decision we make. To blame our childhood, our circumstances, our situations or the people in our lives…is an exercise in weakness. Instead it is within our power to make a different choice, a choice born in strength. In order to make that choice you have to first be aware that it exists, and that is one of the purposes of this podcast.

That’s the good news, thats the uplifting part of this episode that I want to focus on…the fact that the choice exists and it is yours to make. When we wake up everyday we have a brand new opportunity to make different choices than we made the day before. It’s completely up to us. It’s easy to lose sight of that and get caught in a rut of behavior but the truth is…we can change direction at any time and chart a new coarse.

The final point I want to make for Father’s day is this…All of you are Father’s or potential fathers. Or, if you never have kids it’s still likely you will fill a fatherhood role at one time or another. In my opinion being a father is perhaps the best thing about being a man, it is perhaps the highest calling of our manhood.

Now consider again the 5 categories I mentioned earlier. Now think of your children or potential children and make a decision on their behalf about which of those categories they will grow up in…because it is completely up to you. This is one area in which the ball is completely in your court. The only person who can determine what kind of father your child has…is you.

Remember that massive impact that fatherhood has on children? You are that massive impact!

I made a ton of mistakes as a father and you will too. We can beat ourselves up about it or we can keep on trying to do better. The past is gone, sure we can learn from it and reflect on it but aside from that it is irrelevant. The only thing that really matters is the moment you are living in and the choices you make in that moment. What you do in the present is the only thing that can affect the future.

Well I think thats it for today guys. Now head out into the world and make a choice to be a great dad. Spend time with your kids, get to know them, teach them what you know, be an example of a man who is constantly being a better man today than he was yesterday. Do that…and your life will be a rich one.

Happy Father’s day!

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064 – Father’s Day

Alf Herigstad — Sun, 19 Jun 2016 08:14:34 -0500

Father’s Day…

Today’s episode is in honor of Father’s day, which is why I am releasing it today instead of tomorrow. There won’t be a Monday episode this week. I had the pleasure of being with my dad today, he is 80 years old and doing great. I also got to spend time with some of my kids and Grandkids

In preparation for this show I went back and listened to the episode I did for Mother’s day, Episode 46. I wanted to be sure I didn’t repeat myself, I didn’t want it to be too similar. But as I listened to that episode I realized that there isn’t much danger of that, because Father’s and Mother’s really are two very different things. Equally important, but different.

I’ve talked a lot about my dad on this show, because he was the major influence in my life when it comes to being a man. He was my model, so it stands to reason he would come up. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…he is a great man, the best man I have ever known and I’m so fortunate to have had him for a father, and now…as a great friend as well.

I could easily spend this whole episode talking about my dad and how awesome he is, but I don’t think that would be that helpful to anyone. So instead I would like to just talk about fatherhood itself. The problem is…I don’t want to be too negative, and thats tough.

The reason it’s tough to not be too negative is because when you start talking about the wondrous gift that fatherhood is both to the children and the fathers…it’s hard to ignore the fact that there are tons of guys out there right now making babies and walking away, with no intention of ever being actual fathers…and most of those guys doing that never had fathers either.

So you see my predicament; I would like to make an uplifting inspirational message for fathers day and at the same time my heart is breaking for the thousands of children out there who have been abandoned or mistreated by their fathers.

Tell you what…I’ll narrow my focus and see if that helps. Instead of thinking about the whole world or the the whole country, I’ll narrow it down to just the men in this audience who are listening to this program.

Of the men listening to this program you probably fall into one of five categories;

Guys that had great dads who were always there.

Guys that had OK dads.

Guys that were raised by a step dad or an uncle or a grandfather instead of your biological dad. So you had intermittent father figures

Guys that had a dad but he wasn’t a good guy, he was possibly abusive or alcoholic, he was a bad dad.

Guys that had no father at all.

Of course there are little nuances and differences to every situation, but basically, these are the five categories. You’ll notice I didn’t make a distinction for guys who were adopted, because you will still fall into one of these categories.

As you consider which group you are in, it’s almost automatic that you start making a list of pros and cons in your mind, you can’t really help it. If your dad was abusive you immediately see how that affected you and influenced your own behavior and decisions. If your dad was just ok you might remember the good things he did but also make note of what was missing. If you didn’t have a dad then you start thinking of all the ways that affected you.

The point is…what this illuminates is…the massive impact fatherhood, or the lack thereof has on children, either good or bad. Each one of you can plainly see the impact your experience with fatherhood had in your life. Fatherhood is one half of the parental equation, a full one half. But our court systems and society sometimes acts as though it is a minor role…and that is incredibly unfortunate. I have seen some improvement in this over the past few years, but we still have a ways to go.

Another point to consider when thinking about these five fatherhood categories is that each one of these categories has produced fine, exceptional men in spite of the advantages or disadvantages of each category. Likewise, each one of these categories has produced men that are not even worthy of the title of ‘man’. Some men have rose above their circumstance and prevailed in spite of their situation, while others have become victims of their situation and have used their disadvantage or even their advantage…as an excuse to behave badly.

So what does that mean? Ultimately it all comes down to the individual doesn’t it? Regardless of your situation it all comes down to you, the individual making a decision about what kind of man you are going to be. Wether you had a great dad, or no dad, everyone arrives at the same point when they have to make that decision.

It’s true, the guy with no dad may have to try much harder and seek out mentors and teachers. The child of an alcoholic abuser will have much bigger obstacles than the guy who had a great dad. The world was not designed to be fair and we shouldn’t expect that it will be. There are men who prevail…there are men who make the right decision in spite of how unfortunate their circumstance may be, and as I’ve said before…what one man can do, another can do.

When the time comes for a man to make a decision about what kind of man he is going to be, wether to rise above his circumstance or wallow in victimhood…there are no valid excuses. As men we are wholly responsible for every decision we make. To blame our childhood, our circumstances, our situations or the people in our lives…is an exercise in weakness. Instead it is within our power to make a different choice, a choice born in strength. In order to make that choice you have to first be aware that it exists, and that is one of the purposes of this podcast.

That’s the good news, thats the uplifting part of this episode that I want to focus on…the fact that the choice exists and it is yours to make. When we wake up everyday we have a brand new opportunity to make different choices than we made the day before. It’s completely up to us. It’s easy to lose sight of that and get caught in a rut of behavior but the truth is…we can change direction at any time and chart a new coarse.

The final point I want to make for Father’s day is this…All of you are Father’s or potential fathers. Or, if you never have kids it’s still likely you will fill a fatherhood role at one time or another. In my opinion being a father is perhaps the best thing about being a man, it is perhaps the highest calling of our manhood.

Now consider again the 5 categories I mentioned earlier. Now think of your children or potential children and make a decision on their behalf about which of those categories they will grow up in…because it is completely up to you. This is one area in which the ball is completely in your court. The only person who can determine what kind of father your child has…is you.

Remember that massive impact that fatherhood has on children? You are that massive impact!

I made a ton of mistakes as a father and you will too. We can beat ourselves up about it or we can keep on trying to do better. The past is gone, sure we can learn from it and reflect on it but aside from that it is irrelevant. The only thing that really matters is the moment you are living in and the choices you make in that moment. What you do in the present is the only thing that can affect the future.

Well I think thats it for today guys. Now head out into the world and make a choice to be a great dad. Spend time with your kids, get to know them, teach them what you know, be an example of a man who is constantly being a better man today than he was yesterday. Do that…and your life will be a rich one.

Happy Father’s day!

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063 – BEING SICK…Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 17 Jun 2016 08:14:29 -0500

BEING SICK…Like A Man…

This isn’t a super fun topic today, but it happens to be one that is relevant to me at the moment…because I am sick. I have some kind of chest congestion, upper respiratory infection.

Like everybody, I hate being sick. I hate being taken out of my regular routine and everything you do is more difficult and uncomfortable…it sucks, plain and simple.

But, there are a lot of things about life that suck that are also unavoidable; people getting sick from time to time is one of those things. So I was thinking about the inevitability of being sick occasionally and I started remembering a lot of things I’ve heard all my life.

What I’m talking about specifically is remembering people…mostly women, complaining about how the men in their lives act when they are sick.

Some women complain that their man acts like a huge baby when he is sick…like he’s going to die or something. Women seem to take an especially dim view of this behavior and I can’t say I really blame them, because of all the physical things they go through that are expected of them…like pregnancy, menstruation, and cramps in addition to all the regular sickness they get as humans and are still expected to keep the house clean, make dinner and take care of kids.

It really is pretty unfair and its no wonder they roll their eyes when their big brave man acts like he’s on his death bed every time he gets a cold.

The other complaint I’ve heard is that a man will simply isolate himself when he is sick. He doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone or anything and gets grumpy when people try to help him. I confess that I have been guilty of this one. Like I don’t want anyone to see me in my weakened state.

Then you have the guys that just try to ignore the fact they are sick and believe if they just keep acting healthy then they will be healthy. They wind up going into work when they shouldn’t, infecting other people with what they have, and not allowing their bodies to get well…so they keep getting more sick until they have a real problem. I was also guilty of this in my younger days…I didn’t have time to be sick, and I almost killed myself one winter by continuing to go to work in the elements everyday for a month with a high fever. It caught up with me eventually and luckily before I died from stupidity I wound up on my back for several weeks facing a much longer recovery that I would have had if I was smart.

The point of all this is that it’s much easier to be a better man when you feel good, when everything is going your way. It’s much more difficult when you face some kind of adversity…and illness is an adversity. Lots of guys seem to think that when they are sick they have a free pass to either a.) Revert back into a child. b.) Become kind of a jerk and take it out on everyone else in the household, or c.) Become an idiot and almost kill their self.

The purpose of this episode is to put you on notice that your free pass has been removed, it doesn’t exist anymore. My hope is that the next time you get sick you will remember this episode and try even harder to be a better man.

The next question is…how should we act when we are sick? Well, in a perfect world I think a guy would acknowledge he was sick…then accurately assess what his limitations are…then he would consider the impact on everyone else in his household and figure out what he can do to minimize that impact. In other words…stay focused on being a better man even though you feel like crap. Don’t take advantage of peoples kindness and don’t take out your frustrations on them either.

It’s really not rocket science…once you remove the free sick pass, it becomes pretty obvious that your job is to try to be the best sick guy you can…you owe it to the people around you, but you also owe it to yourself.

I was wondering about why so many guys act like this…especially the guys who turn into big babies. I think some of us were extra pampered when we were sick kids, and it created an expectation in our minds…the thing is, we aren’t kids anymore. We are men. It’s time to develop some new expectations for yourself.

I kind of get why a guy would just want to isolate himself until he feels better…because I’ve done it. But it really isn’t fair to the people who care about you. We should never shut people out. Some people get a lot out of caring for others…and if we don’t let them we are robbing them of something they need. The trick is to not take advantage of this, to be vigilant about how much the people around us want or need to help.

The other guys…the guys who are like I was when I ignored that I was sick…well, that’s just stupid. Thats a matter of misplaced priorities. I had my own business at the time and I was trying to fulfill obligations to my customers and my employees and my family and I really felt like I didn’t have time to be sick. My health was not the priority…and it should have been. Because what good would I be to anyone dead, or hospitalized? Your health has to be at the very top of your priority list, it’s really an obligation as a man to make your health important.

You know…this is all kind of common sense stuff, but sometimes it just takes hearing it put into words. If you have one of the three behaviors I mentioned (and you know which one you are) this might be the first time you heard anyone speak about it. Maybe no one ever called you on it. Maybe you were so used to using your free sick pass at everyone else’ expense that you never even noticed.

Whatever the case…now you have heard it. Your free sick pass has been removed, and I challenge you…the next time you’re sick to remember this and make a conscious effort to be a better man in spite of what you might be going through.

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062 – Look Before You Leap

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 08:14:10 -0500

LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story called Look Before You Leap is not funny, or fun. This story is quite serious, but then, the lessons I learned from it were quite serious too.

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061 – Marriage…A Mans Perspective

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 13 Jun 2016 08:14:32 -0500

MARRIAGE…A Mans Perspective

Last weekend I had the honor and privilege of not only attending…but also officiating the wedding of two very dear friends; Matti and Betsy, they are a great couple and I am really proud of them. It was an awesome weekend, I got to see lots of other friends too…but the whole undertone of marriage got me thinking that it is something I should address here.

Should you as a man aspire to become a married man? It’s really a loaded question and the answer depends a lot on who you talk to.

Relationships can be super tough, they can make you want to fake your own death and leave the country…I know because I was in a relationship like that once. They can make you miserable beyond your wildest imaginations.

However…a relationship with the right person can also enhance your life, and make it great. A relationship with the right individual can actually make you a better person than you have the capacity to be on your own. I know some of you are rolling your eyes, and to be honest if someone told me that 4 years ago I would have rolled my eyes too.

By the time I met my wife I was completely committed to being single for the rest of my life, I was a committed, confirmed bachelor and you know what? I was super happy about that! I had had my fill of horrible relationships and I was done. I had come to believe that the “right one” was a complete myth fabricated only to ensure the propagation of our species. I was really looking forward to going through the rest of my life only caring about me, doing whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to without considering what someone else thought of it. I felt unshackled and liberated from the emotional anchor of a relationship. I felt like this right up to the second that I met my wife.

So…what happened? Well, I met my wife. I met her, spent a few hours with her, and my life hasn’t been the same since that day. I can’t explain it really. I spent the next three days arguing with myself about my bachelor status and wanting to be single…but it was stupid and I knew it. I had met the mythical ONE that I had given up on.

So why am I telling you this? I am telling you this in order to establish for the record, that it is possible…it does happen. A lot of you listening may have given up like I did, others of you never did believe in it in the first place…still others of you listening might be locked into a horrible relationship with the wrong person right this second and what I’m saying sounds like science fiction. Thats ok…I get it. Wherever you are, I understand…because I have been there.

OK, so lucky me…I met the perfect woman and married her. Actually what I am here to tell you is that it wasn’t luck. If I would have met her right out of high school that would have been luck. I wish I could make you understand what hell I went through before I met my wife.

I had so many lessons to learn. I had so much crap to wade through. I’ve had girlfriends that stole my car and all my money, I’ve had girlfriends that had serious substance abuse issues, and mental illness, and some more that were just plain mean. There might have even been a couple that were born without a soul…not sure.

After each one I would assess the damage and make note of what lessons I learned that I would never repeat. Then…I would throw myself back out there thinking optimistically that the next one might be the one I was looking for. Time and time again I would repeat this cycle. It sounds crazy doesn’t it?

Why did I keep doing this? Well, partly I was looking for what my dad found, I was looking for the bliss I got a chance to witness first hand in the marriage between my parents. I decided at a very young age that I was going to get married and be just as happy as my dad. So I ran out and married the first girl I could find when I was 19, got married…and, it didn’t turn out so well. After that I couldn’t let go of that perfect image I had in my head of what marriage was supposed to be like, so I kept trying again and again and again.

It’s true, we all have lessons to learn in life so all these failed relationships aren’t a complete waste of time…but they sure are not very fun either.

It’s also true that every once in a while two people meet when they are young and it turns out perfect, they live happily ever after the first time around…I’m not talking about the people that put up with each other until they die…I’m talking about the ones that are truly happy.

It might sound like I’m telling you that you are destined to endure a lifetime of misery before you ever meet the right person, if you get lucky…well, it just sounds that way, because that’s not what I’m saying.

I’m going to share with you something I learned, something my wife and I both learned. Because she was in the same boat as me, she was also resigned to being single the rest of her life.

Here is what we learned…it’s kind of a short cut to happiness if you can pull it off. For both me and my wife, nothing changed until we got to a place that we were completely happy with ourselves just the way we were. We stopped looking for a wife or a husband and instead were just working on ourselves and being happy with what we had.

There was a magic moment when I became completely content with the idea that I was happy just being me. In that moment, with that peace came the ability to recognize the right one when she showed up. Because I didn’t have an agenda, I wasn’t trying to accomplish anything, I wasn’t considering my next move. I was just being happy me and she was being happy her…and we were just getting to know another human.

In case you didn’t know it…happiness is very attractive. We were irresistible to each other because we both met the happiest person we had ever met.

So the shortcut I talked about is a theory of mine. In my theory it says that regardless of your age if you can somehow became completely content with yourself, if you can arrive at a place where your emotional health is self sustaining and not dependent on another person, if you can become genuinely happy…then you will be in the best position to meet the person that is right for you.

You can disagree if you like, but I’m speaking from the position of a person that did just that.

So back to the question I asked earlier;

Should you as a man aspire to become a married man? I think the answer is yes. Because a good marriage is a great thing, and if you want to have children it is such a better experience when you have two loving parents working together on it…because it isn’t easy. So Yes, I think you should aspire to it, but I don’t think it should be a goal, or even an objective. It should not be something that you measure your worth against.

Instead make being happy your goal. Make being content with yourself and who you are as a man your objective. Commit to your own personal improvement in all areas because it’s not until you can do that…that you will have anything worth committing to someone else.

To sum it all up…in other words. Be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

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060 – Muhammad Ali

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 10 Jun 2016 08:14:32 -0500

Muhammad Ali…

The man, the legend.

This episode is being released on Friday, June 10th, 2016. Exactly one week ago today I got the news that Muhammad Ali had died. You may or may not know…but I was a boxer, and I was keenly attuned to the fighters of my day, and when I was growing up Muhammad Ali was the Heavyweight champion of the world.

Hearing of his death made me feel many things. He was a piece of my life after all. He was an icon during a very influential period of my growing up. News of his death caused me to ponder my memories of this man, this legend…and as I sat there reflecting my admiration for him was rekindled and it occurred to me that I should honor his passing with an episode devoted to him.

Because there are examples and lessons this man gave the world both in and out of the ring that we should all pay attention to, especially if we are committed to being better men. I never talk about sports on this show, but I’m making an exception here.

If you hate boxing…just bear with me, this isn’t so much about boxing, as it is about the man. So…this episode is in memory of Muhammad Ali.

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059 – First Date

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 08 Jun 2016 08:14:50 -0500

FIRST DATE…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

First date is a coming of age tale about a young awkward kid (me) working up the nerve and resources for his first date, who discovers in the process that things might not be that way he thinks the are…things might actually be better than that.

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058 – PORN 101: The Problem

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 06 Jun 2016 08:15:19 -0500

PORN 101: The Problem

This is an episode I have been trying to prepare for for some time. A few weeks ago I got a suggestion from a listener who calls himself Dr. J. He suggested that I do an episode about pornography…in particular what has become the phenomena of pornography in our modern age and the ill effects it has on individuals, families and communities, and what might be done about it.

I personally didn’t really know that much about it, so I had to do some research. Oh man…the more research I did the more I realized the magnitude and scope of the issue. I’ll tell you right now that it’s not something I will resolve in this episode. More likely this will be the first of several episodes about the topic because it has so many layers…and because it is something that directly affects the ability of men, to be better men, which is what this show is all about.

So In this episode I’m going to share with you some of the things I have learned. Please note that I am not reporting this from any moral position. Your personal morality is between you and whatever belief system you subscribe to…I am reporting from a position of facts, statistics, and the evidence of cause and effect, and some of my own opinions as well.

I’m providing this information to make you aware. Even if it doesn’t affect you personally it’s likely that someone you know struggles with this issue.

Below are some of the statistics I mention in the episode, and a link to several websites that I got information from:

The average age of first exposure to Porn is 11. (about the same time a lot of kids get cell phones)

12% of all internet websites are pornographic

25 % of all online search engine results are pornographic

35% of all internet downloads are pornographic

70% of men aged 18 to 24 visit a porn site at least once a month. 70% is a lot.

The largest consumer group of internet porn is men between 35 and 49 so they would have been between 27 and 41 at the time of the Digital explosion.

The most popular day of the week for watching porn is Sunday

the most popular day of the year for watching porn is…believe it or not, Thanksgiving. That’s kind of weird.

Those statistics are just from America. But America doesn’t even show up in the top 10 countries that watch Porn online. I was really surprised by this; the top 10 countries are:

Pakistan

Egypt

Vietnam

Iran

Morocco

India

Saudi Arabia

Turkey

Phillipines

Poland

Also surprising, just like the top ten countries are known for being very conservative. The top 10 states in America are also some of the most traditionally conservative. The top ten American states for porn use are:

Mississippi

Hawaii

Arkansas

Alabama

Louisiana

Georgia

Maryland

Oklahoma

District of Columbia

South Carolina

What this shows us is that it is a global issue of massive proportions that crosses all ethnic, religious, and socio-economic barriers.

Website links:

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2013/05/the-prevalence-of-porn/

http://www.edsmart.org/pornography-stats/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effects_of_pornography

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125382361

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2054rank.html

http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcome-porn-addiction/

http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/pornhub-data-usage-duration-search-interactive-map/

http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/brief-totally-fascinating-history-porn

This is a link to a website about stories from guys who have beat their porn addiction, what they went through, and why their life is better:

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-recover-1

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057 – Mind The Big Things

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 03 Jun 2016 08:21:59 -0500

MIND THE BIG THINGS…

As humans we tend to take things for granted, especially the little things, but bigger things too. It’s kind of unavoidable, after all…if we responded to everything as though it was the first time we’ve seen it, we wouldn’t get anything done, we would just wander around being awe-struck by everything we saw.

So, it’s good that we have the capacity to take some things for granted, it free’s up our brain so we can focus on the things in front of us that need our attention.

Water going down a drain, our car starting when we turn the key, electricity, our cell phones working, our computers, etc., etc. We all take these things for granted until the second they stop working…then it becomes a big deal. Thats normal though, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that.

Here’s the thing though; There are these types of things, and then there are other types of things that we should make an effort to never, ever take for granted. I’m thinking of two things in particular; One is our health, and the other is the people we know and love. When I say mind the big things, I’m talking about things like this.

So what does all this have to do with being a better man? I think it’s kind of obvious…Look you can be the wealthiest, most successful man in the world but if your body is falling apart in your 40’s what good is it? Or you can be super fit, successful, famous, and have everything you want…but if all your relationships fail, if you aren’t close to anyone and you don’t have a true friend in the world…what good is all that other stuff with no one to share it with in your solitude?

Being a better man is about constantly striving to improve in all areas of your life, all the parts that make a man. That includes your physical, mental, and emotional health as well as your career and financial health. It includes being a good friend, brother, husband, father and son and being true to your responsibilities, how you act when no one is watching, and your personal relationship to the guy you see when you look in the mirror.

The past is gone, it doesn’t even matter…what you have is the present; this moment you are living in…and what you do with that will determine your future.

I’m not telling you what to do. One of the reasons I do this show is to help make you aware of these things…what you do with the information is completely up to you, because you are the man and it’s your job to run your life.

If you ever have a question about anything I say here, I’m an email away. If you need specific help with anything I’ve talked about…I’m also an email away. Just reach out to me if you need to, that’s why I’m here. It’s easy, just hit the button that says contact Alf in the menu bar.

Now, make sure and Mind the big things.

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056 – A Bad Idea

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 01 Jun 2016 08:21:11 -0500

A BAD IDEA…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story about a bad idea might make me look like a horrible child…I get that, but hey I learned some fantastic lessons because of it.

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055 – A man Keeps His Word

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 30 May 2016 19:19:16 -0500

A Man Keeps His Word…

Today’s topic might seem redundant, or too simple, or even silly to some people at first glance, because it is a part of our common language so everyone assumes they know what it means.

I’m talking about your word. People use it all the time in phrases like; I give you my word, you have my word on it, my word is my bond, his word is good, I’ll keep my word, etc., etc…you have all heard these phrases before.

So, we all know that to keep your word is the same thing as keeping a promise right? You say you are going to be somewhere at 6:00…that means you will be there at 6:00…not 6:05. If someone confides something to you in confidence and you give your word that you won’t tell a soul…you better not speak of it to anyone.

What puzzles me is…if everybody knows what giving your word means, then why do so many people on a daily basis break their word? What puzzles me even further is why other people seem to just accept word breaking, as though it’s part of human nature or something and the people couldn’t help it? That’s really weird to me.

Most people have a best friend or someone they will always keep their word with…but today I’m going to suggest something radical; what if you kept your word 100% of the time regardless of who you were talking to.

Do you know why I am suggesting that you make keeping your word a priority? It’s not simply to do the rest of the world a favor. I would like to see men keep their word for their own self.

If you make keeping your word a priority right now, if you look in the mirror and make a commitment to keep your word in all situations you will immediately have more respect for yourself. When you respect yourself, others are more likely to respect you.

Words mean things gentlemen…the words that come out of our mouth are a reflection of the men that we are. In this episode I give you a couple tips that might help you keep your word in all situations.

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054 – A Man’s Personal Honor

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 27 May 2016 08:21:24 -0500

A MAN’S PERSONAL HONOR…

Today we are discussing a word that is often used; sometimes correctly sometimes not. I think it’s a word that is not that well understood in general. The word is ‘honor’.

So what is honor, and how does it apply to our mission of being a better man? What does it mean to live with honor…to be an honorable man? These are the questions I will answer in this episode.

Like many english words, honor is used in a few different ways. One way is when it is used to bestow respect or admiration for something someone did well, or to acknowledge someone for performing well and meeting their obligations.

For example; a building can be named in honor of a Cities founder. A football team that performs well is said to bring honor to the school. It was an honor to be invited to your wedding. Someone can graduate with honors or leave the military with an honorable discharge.

While these are all proper uses of the word…it’s not exactly what I am taking about today. The kind of honor I am talking about today is much more personal and individual, its more specific.

The phrase; “to live with honor” implies that there is a code or list of rules to follow. While the phrase; “he is an honorable man” implies that honor is a matter of reputation that is earned. Both of these are correct…honor is both of these things, but it isn’t ONLY these things. The word honor is a simple noun but the word honor as I am applying it today is also a complex concept with many components.

Honor is a complex composition of things that includes your earned reputation as a man. It is also a personal code that you design and live by and in so doing preserve that reputation. Truth and courage are also major components of honor because you cannot accomplish all this without them.

Other components of honor are more internal. Honor is a deep abiding commitment to one’s self that you will live and react and interact with others in a way that is consistent with what you believe in the core of your being.

At times it takes great courage to do this; you also must be truthful with yourself at all times in order to pull this off. Honor does not thrive…it cannot exist in the presence of excuses or weakness of character.

Honor is that unseen force that makes you stand behind the things you say and keep your word no matter what. It makes you remember promises, and causes you to treat others as you would like to be treated. Your honor compels you to do the right thing even when no one else would know.

I’m really just scratching the surface here, but in my opinion these are the primary components of personal honor. I think of it like something I possess, as though it is part of me like my heart or my liver. Like I take all of these components and I put them in a bag and I keep that bag inside of me like an internal organ. And just like any other internal organ my behavior and lifestyle will determine its health and good function, or lack thereof.

It might sound kind of woo woo to some people, but I find it helpful to visualize things like this because then instead of an abstract idea I can see this organ functioning in my minds eye. I know whats inside the bag because I put them there, and I have a responsibility to ensure that my honor remains healthy and functioning.

However you keep track of it, we have identified the kind of personal honor that we are talking about today. We have determined what the primary components are. The next question is how does honor relate to the mission of being a better man today than we were yesterday?

Actually I think it’s really obvious how honor relates to being a better man, it’s really just common sense…but I’ll go over it anyway.

I’ll illustrate that point by suggesting that you imagine the opposite:

Imagine a man who has not earned a reputation as a good man, a man who has no personal code of conduct, imagine also that this man possesses neither truth or courage. He has no commitment to act according to his own beliefs. He forgets his promises. He does not stand behind what he says and is not known to keep his word. When he is alone he is not compelled to to the right thing. In short, this is description of a man completely without honor.

So I ask you. Is this a description of a man who is being a better man? Of course not! Would you choose to have anything to do with a man who fits this description? I certainly wouldn’t.

So, it seems that to live with honor…to be an honorable man is synonymous with being a better man. Does that mean you have to master everyone of these components right this second? No, but it does mean that you should be conscious of these elements of honor and be striving toward them all the time.

If you do that, if you aspire daily to master these components of honor and are diligent in maintaining the health of your personal honor as a man, if your honor becomes a thing that you value and hold in the highest esteem…then, you will be a better man today, than you were yesterday. If you are doing all that it would be difficult not to become better.

I’m going to go a little deeper now. It’s one thing to say all this or listen to all this and agree with it and then just go on with your life. It’s another thing entirely to figure out how to put this into action today! How do you translate these words into real-life results?

One thing I always say is that the things we focus on expand. The things that we make a priority will come to pass. The purpose of this podcast is to help you decide what to focus on…what to make a priority.

If you focus on your personal honor, if you make it a priority, then you will have it. In every interaction with other people it will be at the top of your consciousness. When you go to work and the health of your honor is in the forefront of your mind, you will be an honorable man. When you are alone you will do the things that are right even when no one is watching.

There is opportunity for the concept of honor to preside in almost every waking moment of human life, and it will…if you make it a priority.

If you do that, if you develop a code of personal conduct to live by, you will earn a reputation as an honorable man, you will be known as a man of truth and courage, your actions will be consistent with what you believe. You will stand behind what you say and keep your word and remember your promises and when you are all alone you will do the right thing when no one else is watching.

If you do this, and make honor a daily priority, the most valuable thing you have in life will be increased…I’m not talking about your 401K, I’m talking about your relationships. Every relationship you have will be improved; at home, at work, with friends and even your relationship with yourself. And that my friends, is the ultimate pay-off of Being a better man.

I’m going to wrap this up there for now. If anything isn’t clear, if you have a question about anything I’ve said today don’t hesitate to send me an email. I return every email I receive…unless it’s spam. If there is any part of this you feel I need to elaborate on, just let me know.

The topic of honor can be a deep one, like I said I’m really just scratching the surface here. In the future I will probably break some of this down even further, but I would love to hear your thoughts.

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053 – Confession Of A Former Bully

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 25 May 2016 08:21:19 -0500

Confession Of A Former Bully…

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Today’s story was not easy to tell…or comfortable, a confession seldom is. But there are some great lessons I got from it that I think people can benefit from. I mentioned a past episode; Episode 038, it’s sort of a followup to that saga, you remember…when I got beat up?

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

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052 – The Authentic Man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 23 May 2016 08:15:10 -0500

THE AUTHENTIC MAN

Today we are going to talk about authenticity; what it is exactly, and why it is important for a man or anyone, to be authentic.

The dictionary tells us that to be authentic is to be real or genuine; not copied or false. Rather to be true and accurate.

Basic common sense informs us that to be real, genuine, true and accurate are all good things right? Then why are there so many people in the world who are not authentic? Like with many things I think the answer to that question is rather simple. Most people simply have not made being authentic a priority of any kind.

If you make something a priority in your mind, then it happens. For example, the purpose of this show is to help guys make being a better man a priority…when you listen to this three times a week it works on your brain and it becomes a priority…then it happens.

Authenticity is one of those human qualities that is expected from others, and assumed to exist even though it isn’t talked about much…which I think is kind of goofy. That’s why I’m talking about it today.

If you have any question in your mind about wether or not you are authentic…then, you probably have some work to do on it. If you aren’t dead stone-cold sure that you are are authentic…then you probably are not.

If you determine that you have not been as authentic as you could be…it’s not the end of the world. The good news is that tomorrow is a brand new day. It’s never too late to become authentic and you can march into tomorrow armed with having authenticity as a priority in your life…now go listen to the show!

Check out these links below:

https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

The Mantoring Program

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/being-a-better-man/id1076809446?mt=2

051 – Celebrating 50 Episodes!

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 20 May 2016 08:15:58 -0500

CELEBRATING 50 EPISODES!!

That’s right! This is episode 51. That means there have been 50 episodes before this…which is one half of 100. I don’t know about you, but I find that to be…significant.

So, I decided to spend this episode kind of re-capping what we have done together so far you and I. If this is your first time tuning in to the program you might not get it, this is not a regular episode…but there are many other episodes you could listen to, to get a flavor of the show…50 others in fact.

Since starting the show on January 22nd. I immediately realized that I would need to change the format; I started off planning on one episode a week and quickly changed it to three per week; Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

The mission of the show has remained the same from the start though; To inspire others to join me in my journey of being a better man today than I was yesterday. I accomplish this through telling relevant stories, and by sharing my insight, experience and observations with you in such a way that you are inspired to think and reflect on your own life and then making changes where you decide they are needed. Also by having guest come in to share their particular insights and experience.

I have gotten tremendous feedback from a variety of people. feedback that lets me know the show is making a difference. Still, after 50 shows I can’t express how happy it makes me when I get a letter from someone with a story of how this show has impacted their life. So let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who has contacted me…thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I also invite everyone else to write in and let me know whats going on with you.

I have done several Listener inspired episodes. Here on the website there is a menu tab called “Contact Alf”. If you click on that you will see another tab called “Your Show Ideas”. That is where these listener inspired episodes come from…guy’s using that form to send me their questions and letting me know what their challenges are. I encourage everyone to use these tabs, fill out that form, and inspire your own show to be heard.

Out of the first 50 shows I have had 9 guests. If you would like to see a higher percentage of guests…please let me know.

Thanks to every single one of you, I have had over 58,000 downloads as of the release of this podcast…that seems like a lot, it’s equivalent to a small city. These downloads have come from literally all over the world. It seems like a lot…but when you consider that there are over 7 billion people in the world it isn’t that much.

I want to impact as many men as possible in this world. So, I am asking you to help me get the word out. Pick 5 people you know and tell them about the podcast, send them a link to it, share the post from my Facebook and Twitter on your own social media. Word of mouth is the most effective form of advertising, and I’m counting on you to help me out with that by making a personal endorsement to people you know.

What do I have coming in the future? I have some digital products I am working on designed to help you keep the mission of being a better man in the upper levels of your consciousness.

I am also working on a couple of online course’s, one that will give you confidence building strategies and another that will show you how to design and execute your very own meaningful rite of passage. These topics are based on the results of a survey I put on my Facebook page…so if you have not liked the Facebook page yet you are missing out on having an influence on the show. There is a link to the FB page further down on this page.

I will also be adding a resource page to the website in the near future. On this page I will feature links to products I use and recommend. There will be links to my own products as I get them completed, and I will feature future sponsors of the show there, and anything else I can think of that might be a help to your personal journey of being a better man. So be on the lookout for that, I will announce it on Facebook when it comes on-line.

Now lets talk about the email list. First, the reason I am building a list is because it will give me immediate access to all the loyal listeners of this show when I have something important to say. It’s a way to stay in touch on a weekly basis and it is also a way for you to have immediate access to me, just by hitting reply.

I am going to be revving up my involvement with people on the list.

Moving forward I plan to send out a weekly email, a newsletter if you will. It will be a compilation of the thoughts and revelations I’ve had throughout the week that relate to being a better man. This may include commentary on current events in the world, social trends, or other relevant topics I run across. Occasionally, I might ask for specific feedback about something or reveal something new that might be helpful.

I am not a fan of being bombarded with emails several times a week and I will not do that to you. After all I am a podcaster…not an emailer, but email is a useful communication tool that can serve both of us.

If you have not considered getting on the email list I’m asking you to consider it right now. There is a form at the bottom of this page…just fill it out and you are in. When you sign up you will get access to a free report; The 5 steps to become a better man immediately.

Lastly, you have probably heard me talk about the Mantoring program on the show. Basically, thats where I become your personal mentor. Together, through frequent Skype, email and phone interactions you and I can work on whatever it is that you are struggling with and would like to improve, in an objective, judgement free environment. It’s designed to be affordable and how much you invest it totally up to you at all times. If you want more details on the Mantoring program just click on the Mantoring tab in the menu of the website.

So I think thats it for now. Thank you for listening and helping me celebrate the first 50 episodes. Without you, this podcast wouldn’t exist. Thank you for the feedback…keep it coming. Thank you for getting with me on social media, thank you for telling your friends about it, and thank you for signing up on the email list. Remember…I’m always just an email away if your have something you want to tell me.

Now head on out into the world, have a great weekend, and keep on being a better man today than your were yesterday!

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050 – Make A Memory…On Purpose!

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 18 May 2016 21:04:22 -0500

Make A Memory…On Purpose!

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story is about one of my all time top 5 favorite days of my whole life…and the lessons it taught me have been invaluable..

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049 – Guest Larry Winget

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 16 May 2016 08:15:44 -0500

Meet Larry Winget

The Pitt Bull of personal development

That is a name he has earned, when you listen to the episode you will understand why. He has spoken to nearly 400 of the fortune 500 companies, and is in the international speaker hall of fame.

He has been the host of his own show on A&E.

He is a regular contributor on several national news programs talking about business, parenting, personal finance and personal development.

Larry is a prolific author of several books, some of my favorite titles are “Grow A Pair”, “Shut up, Stop Whining and get a life”, “You’re broke because you want to be”, “People are idiots and I can prove it”, and “Your kids are your own fault!” He is a six time wall street journal / New York Times best selling author.

I first noticed Larry a couple years ago and was immediately a fan of his straight forward, logical, common sense, unapologetic no-nonsense approach…about things that matter.

When I was in the process of starting this podcast I knew that one day…I would try and have Larry on the show…That day has arrived and I’m glad it did because Larry imparts some very valuable information to us today.

Some things to watch out for in this episode:

Larry’s #1 rule for life and business

Larry elaborates on his philosophy that “Your life is your own damn fault!”

I ask Larry what he thinks about the Millennial generation.

And finally…Larry’s strategy that can help you get started being a better man today than you were yesterday! This is an important one; it’s a great exercise for everyone to do and this is your CALL TO ACTION for this episode.

Larry invites you to follow him on social media and to head over to his website at www.LarryWinget.com. There you can see what he’s up to, read his blog, download some free stuff and go to his online store and check out his books and other informative products he has there.

I want to thank you for the feedback I’m receiving about the show, I really appreciate it…keep it coming. Just hit the Contact Alf tab in the menu and send me an email.

048 – Your Unfair Advantage

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 13 May 2016 08:15:15 -0500

YOUR UNFAIR ADVANTAGE

As we talk about being better men on this program everyday there is a lot of emphasis on fixing things that are wrong, on making note of things we need improvement in…and we do that because it is a critical component to becoming a better man.

Today I want to talk about the other side of the coin…Today I would like you all to consider those things about you that are exemplary, special, and unique. These are our particular human gifts, and I believe everybody has some.

Just as important as identifying and improving the things that need improving…is identifying what your personal unfair advantage is, and capitalizing on it.

What do I mean by unfair advantage? Well…I believe that everybody has some talent, ability, aptitude or gift that the majority of other people do not have. That is your unfair advantage.

It’s called an advantage because that’s what it is; an advantage…it’s unfair because the majority of other people do not have it. Being unfair does not make it wrong or bad…it just makes it special to you.

The trick is, uncovering and realizing what your unfair advantage is. Sometimes they are really obvious…for example my brother has an unfair advantage; he can do things with his voice that no one else can do. When he sings everyone stops talking, grown men get goosebumps, peoples pulse rate quickens, and people smile.

That is his unfair advantage because it is rare and unique to him.

Other people have advantages that are harder to spot, it might take some time to realize what they are…and some people go through their whole life never acknowledging that thing about them that makes them special. I think that is tragic, because until you recognize and acknowledge what your special talent or aptitude is…it’s not really an advantage. It only becomes an advantage when you use it like one.

You can have more than one unfair advantage, you can have several. And your personal advantage might change or shift as you get older. If you start paying attention right now then you can make the most of these advantages as you go through life. If you go through a change or shift you can be flexible and recognize it…and use it to your best advantage.

To explain this further I’ll use the metaphor of an American football team. Everybody on the field has an unfair advantage when compared to the rest of the population…that is their athletic ability, not everyone can play football.

But when you break it down further, within the team each player has something different that they are better at than the other players. Some guys are good at throwing the ball, some guys are better at catching, some are super fast runners, or really agile and able to duck and dodge, while other guys have the advantage of size and strength that allow them to move other players around and make tackles. All of these guys have realized what their unfair advantage is within the realm of the game of football, that’s why they are in those positions. They are all equally important because it takes all of them to make a team.

Now lets expand that metaphor to life itself. In every group of people, at every workplace, in every organization that you are ever a part of there will be something that you are better at than most of the other people there.

Today I’m telling you to figure out what that things is…and take advantage of it, capitalize on it…because it’s yours.

It would have been a shame if my brother would have never started singing…and it would be equally shame if you have some hidden aptitude that you don’t share with the world around you, to your own advantage.

Your particular unfair advantage can be something really simple, so simple you might not recognize it as an advantage at all. For example I knew a guy that was really good at math, he could figure stuff out in his head really easy…he took advantage of that in his job but also socially. People came to rely and trust in his ability with numbers which helped him build and improve all of his relationships.

So this guy turned an aptitude for math into an unfair advantage that helped him excel in his career and also give him social value that he would not have…if he didn’t use it that way.

The point I am making is that it does’t have to be something exciting and exotic, you don’t have to be a singer or a star athlete…any aptitude you have can be turned into an unfair advantage that can enhance your life if you use it that way.

Maybe your really funny, or diplomatic, or good at building things or understanding how engines work, you’re a natural leader, you have creative ideas, you’re good at gardening or cooking or listening to other people or making tough decisions…whatever it is, you are one of the best at it…and you owe it to yourself to get all you can out of that ability.

Some of you listening are already aware of what your unfair advantage is…that’s great, continue to develop it and keep looking for more.

The rest of you may have never considered this before. If you are having a hard time figuring out what your unfair advantage is then one way of finding out is simply by asking the people who know you best.

Just say hey…I’m curious, what do you think my 3 best qualities are, or the 3 things I’m best at, or how would you describe me in 3 words…however you want to word it. The thing is many times other people see things in us that we can’t see ourselves.

Another thing you can do is take one of the personality / aptitude test that are on-line. There are a lot of them, and while I don’t swear by any of them they can be a good place to start. There is one that is pretty famous that a lot of employers use called the

Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Myers’ typology test. Here is a link to that test:

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

So your call to action from this episode is to figure out what your personal unfair advantage is…and then figure out how to use that ability so it really does become an advantage in your life. It may turn out to not just be an advantage for you…but to all the people you share the world with as well, like in my brothers case.

If you have questions, or if you know what your advantage is and don’t know how to use it you can always send me an email…I’m here to help however I can.

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047 – The Nickel

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 11 May 2016 08:15:08 -0500

THE NICKEL

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story has been burned into my brain for a very long time and I just realized what the lessons I learned from it were as I was preparing this episode. That’s how it goes sometimes; and remembering the story is like learning that lesson all over again.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

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046 – Mothers day

Alf Herigstad — Sun, 08 May 2016 22:49:32 -0500

MOTHERS DAY!!

We naturally spend a lot of time on this show talking about men, about fathers…about male role models and all that manly stuff. But today…it’s mothers day, and a good time I think to reflect for a moment about moms.

You know there are a few things that we all have in common. Certain things that we can say without a doubt that we all share regardless of where you come from or what culture you were raised in or what your socio-economic level may be. These are things that transcend religion, politics, race and creed.

One of these things…is that every single one of us is a son to a mother. Every one of us were carried inside a woman, during which time she provided us with every drop of sustenance we needed to grow and develop and eventually be born into the world we now inhabit, as the person we have now become. It is accurate to state that without our mothers, we would not exists.

I know many people never got to know their natural mothers. Some others of you had mothers that were not especially good, or kind, or helpful. But even those of you who had the most unfortunate of mothers received a profound gift from her…the gift of life itself.

I like to believe that unfortunate mothers, bad moms are in the extreme minority though. Most of our mothers loved us very much. We were their boys. Their gift to us did not end with us exiting their womb…on the contrary for many, many of us it was our mothers contribution to our lives that shaped us more than any other force on the earth…even more than our fathers.

Where were our fathers when we needed our diapers changed several times a day? Where were our fathers when we were hungry, when we fell down and hurt ourself? Where were our fathers when we came home from school upset with the injustices of the world? Most of our fathers were probably at work making a living for us, that’s where mine was.

I was really fortunate to have an amazing father, but I can tell you…if it wasn’t for my mom I would have not become the man I am today. It was my mom that taught me how to feel, how to laugh, she taught me how to receive unconditional love and gave me a sense of value as an individual.

As great a man as my dad is…he is the greatest man I know, and even though he was my example of manhood, he was the one I tried to model myself after…still, it was my mother who had the most profound effect on the person I became, she sculpted my personality by recognizing and cultivating my natural gifts and talents, and by loving me without limits or condition.

My mother died in February of 2013. We all miss her, but every day I am a witness to the legacy she left, her impact on the world, on me, my siblings, on my children and their children…her impact remains part of the fabric that encircles us…connects us…and makes us a family.

One of the greatest things my mother did in life, in my opinion, was to love my father, she celebrated him just the way he was and that gave him the freedom and space and motivation to be the great man he is.

Look, I realize that not everyone was blessed with the kind of childhood I had, or the kind of parents I had. I get that…it’s not a perfect world. And these days it is even more rare because so many women have to work outside the home, children are being largely raised by grandparents or parked in daycare. There are also many more single moms than there used to be because a lot of so called men have chosen to abandon their responsibilities. These single moms have to be both a father and a mother, they deserve a special recognition.

On this day, regardless of our personal circumstances we should all take a moment to pause and reflect on the miracle that is motherhood.

It’s largely a thankless job. Mothers give and give and give of themselves; their energy, their spirit, and their love…no matter how much they give, they always have more to give the next day. As men we should be humbled and awe struck by the contributions mothers make, not only to ourselves and our children…but to our civilization as a whole.

It is for these reasons I am so baffled when I hear of men mistreating women. When I hear about men being physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. When I see how some men subjugate women and treat them as though they are somehow less than a man. When women are treated as sexual objects rather than the divine vessel of potential life they are It really baffles me…I don’t get it. Because every girl, every woman is a potential mother, and as such she is a potential world changer. Even if a woman chooses to never have children, or can’t have children their nurturing mother nature still impacts the world around them. They should have a special place of honor…we should treat them all with respect, at least as equals…if not something higher.

If you are listening to this and you are one of the men that treats women badly…I hope this makes you question your actions. Because men who regard women in this fashion are less than men, in my opinion…much less. I have no patience or tolerance for men who treat women badly. I take it kind of personal…as if they are treating my own mother like this. In my experience men like this are little more than selfish, narcissistic cowards. They represent the worst of what it is to be a male human.

Probably not too many of these men are listening to this program. The men who listen to this podcast, men like you are concerned with being better men, and I am glad you are there, listening. You are one of the good guys.

I would encourage you, as a good man, to also not tolerate the mistreatment of women. Be vocal about it when you see it happen. We all have a sphere of influence that we can have an impact in just by standing up for the things that are right. I encourage you to do so in your personal sphere of influence…stand up for women, children, anyone who is being mistreated. If we are not part of the solution, then we are part of the problem.

I would also suggest that you take some time today to make a personal acknowledgement to the mothers you know…not just your mother, but all the mothers you are aware of. Just let them know how much they are valued and appreciated.

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045 – Tears Of A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 06 May 2016 08:15:09 -0500

The Tears Of A Man!

It’s Free For All Friday and I have some things on my mind…

The other night my wife and I watched a documentary called the Mask You Live In. It was basically about the state of masculinity in America today. How boys are being raised badly and then they turn into men who are all screwed up. The mask in the title refers to the difference between what guys feel on the inside and what they project to the world…their mask.

Like most documentaries it was a little lopsided, it had an agenda. I did agree with a lot of it…but I did not agree with some of it.

For example, I do not agree that gender is purely a social construct, as this documentary alleges. That men and women are exactly alike and it is society alone that establishes, identifies and maintains gender roles…and without societal influence men and women would act the same. I think that is ridiculous.

I address all these questions in this podcast and raise some of my own. We talk about the societal image of masculinity that is being promoted to our young people, we talk about emotions…and yes, we talk about crying.

I look forward to hearing what you think of this episode, go to the Contact Alf tab and write me a letter.

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044 – Hobo Norm

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 04 May 2016 08:15:48 -0500

HOBO NORM

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story is called Hobo Norm, it was a pivotal one in my life, one of those stories that you keep learning from as you grow and take on new perspective. I doubt if too many others have a story similar to this one…thats why I’m sharing it, so you can experience it through me.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

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043 – Handling Criticism Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 02 May 2016 08:15:59 -0500

Handling criticism…like a man!

Today we will be talking about how to deal with criticism…and deal with it, like a man. Not only that, but also how to effectively deliver criticism.

First lets establish that no one really enjoys being criticized, I get it…it’s no fun. But it happens to everyone, everyone on earth from the Pope to the pan-handlers will be criticized at some point, I think it’s fair to say that criticism is something to be expected during our human experience.

It is also equally likely that at some point you will be the one providing criticism…and it is important to know the best ways of doing that as well.

According to the dictionary, criticism is: The act of expressing disapproval and of noting the problems or faults of a person or thing.

So, someone see’s something that they perceive to be wrong in some way, they make a judgment, and then verbally express that opinion. That’s what criticism is, and in this episode I explain the different types of criticism, how to identify them, and share a technique or two of how I handle it.

Criticism isn’t always a bad thing…when somebody is giving you good constructive criticism it is a great opportunity to identify something you can improve in…listen to the episode.

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042 – Does Heritage Matter?

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 29 Apr 2016 08:15:58 -0500

Does heritage matter…that’s the topic of todays episode.

Now-a-days there are plenty of people that never even think about heritage, others might think the very concept of heritage is divisive and to them it has become a bad word, other people are huge advocates of heritage.

A lot of people start getting nervous when you talk about heritage…because people often equate it with race or ethnicity, and it can have something to do with that…but it doesn’t have to.

So, does heritage matter…and what does it have to do with Being A Better man? What is heritage anyway? In this episode I will answer all of these questions.

Hey can you do something for me?

If this podcast and the mission of it resonate with you and you believe it is a worthwhile endeavor I am going to ask you to do some things for me, it won’t cost you a penny. 1,2 &3 are the most important…the rest are just good suggestions that I hope you do.

At the bottom of this page fill out the form to get on the mailing list, it is another way for us to be in touch, and also as I do major things in the future or have any special content, I will share it with my email list first.

Head over to iTunes and leave a rating and review of this show. This helps it be more visible so that other guys like you can find it easier.

While at iTunes, SUBSCRIBE. This makes it more convenient for you to listen to new episodes.

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Leave comments, interact, be a part of this movement to be better men today than we were yesterday.

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041 – Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hungry

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 27 Apr 2016 08:15:26 -0500

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hungry,

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story describes an embarrassing moment, that I’m not proud of…but stories like that sometimes have the best lessons.

THE MANTORING PROGRAM: 1 on 1 counseling and Mentorship

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040 – Who Are Your Friends?

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 25 Apr 2016 17:40:41 -0500

Who Are Your Friends?

Today what I’m talking about is very important, and it affects every one of us without exception, and that is…our friends. Those people in the world who we spend time with of our own free will who are not our blood family.

You have probably heard the phrase;

“You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends”?

Well, it’s really true. We have the ability to choose who our friends are, and that fact is of particular importance when you consider this other saying you have probably heard, which is;

“You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with.”

I personally don’t believe any statement is true 100% of the time, there are exceptions to everything…but for the most part, this statement is exactly correct…that means if you consider the 5 people you spend the most time with, think of all of their collective virtues and flaws and add them all together and divide that by 5…the result will equal you. Interesting when you think of it like a math problem isn’t it?

Friends are a big, big deal for everyone…but there is a spectrum, a range of degrees like there is for everything.

On one end of the range you have people who’s friend group is the most important thing in their life, they are with at least one of their friends every waking moment of every day. I think this is more common with younger people of a certain age, but it is very common.

At the other end of the spectrum you have the loners, people who seem like they don’t have any friends at all. In between these two extremes you have every possible degree and everyone falls into this range somewhere.

It is important to know where you are on this spectrum because once you have this knowledge you gain a new power over your own life. Like they say…knowledge is power.

In this episode I explain the power of knowing who your friends are and how that can directly impact your life!

I would love to hear your feedback on this episode…or any episode, I love hearing from you.

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039 – Being Wrong…Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 22 Apr 2016 08:15:51 -0500

BEING WRONG…LIKE A MAN!

The topic of today’s show is “being wrong…like a man.” I realize most guys don’t like to talk about being wrong. I definitely don’t like it myself…but, believe it or not, it’s an important skill.

To be clear, when I say “wrong” I am not talking about a moral judgement I am using wrong as a synonym for “incorrect”. Wrong has way less syllables so thats what I’m using.

It’s an important skill because it involves our relationships, and relationships as I’ve said before, are the most valuable thing we have. Talking about the people we keep around us, the people we care about.

I don’t think its all about being wrong…it also has to do with being emotionally connected to being right…thats where the real problem comes in. But either way, it causes problems between people. It makes people bicker and squabble and fight, actually people have died over the concept of right and wrong.

In this episode I talk about a two-step process to develop the skill of being wrong…like a man. Like anything worthwhile, it isn’t easy, but it is worth it, listen and see why.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to go to the Being A Better Man Facebook page and click on the survey I have pinned to the top there. I am going to be making some course designed specifically for men, and the questions in the survey are helping me decide what courses I should make first…based on what YOU want to know.

There are 29 spaces left for people to take the survey, so head over there and do it. Thank you. Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

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038 – The Tough Guy

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 20 Apr 2016 08:15:33 -0500

Presented for you to ponder;

The Tough Guy.

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story described a pivotal moment in every persons life.

FACEBOOK LINK: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

Remember, everyone who subscribes to the email list below gets a phone or Skype call!

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037 – Excuses Do Not Exist!

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 08:15:37 -0500

EXCUSES DO NOT EXIST!

I have mentioned in other episodes how much I dislike excuses, in fact it is even mentioned in the intro of this show that excuses do not exist. It’s really true, I hate excuses with a deep, abiding passion…so that’s what I’m going to talk about today; excuses. Because if we are intent on being a better man today than we were yesterday…it is imperative that we get excuses under control.

So if excuses are such a common part of being human, why do I hate them so much? Because…they are pure weakness. And being pure weakness they don’t do anything to improve or enhance the person making them, on the contrary…making excuses diminishes you.

I have made plenty of excuses in my own life, especially when I was a teenager. But as I got older I started to recognize that aside from getting me out of immediate hot water, excuses were not really doing me any good. In fact excuses started to feel like lies…which is really what they are; little lies that bend the facts of a situation to divert blame off of the person making the excuse. So whenever you are making an excuse, you are not being totally honest.

As I have said before, a man is an example, and being a man is a responsibility. If you are being an example to your family, kids, co-workers and friends…then don’t you want to be the best example you can? One way to be a better example, is to not make excuses.

Something else I want to mention real quick is this…I am planning on making some actual courses that people can take, courses designed for men like strategies to build confidence, or how design your own rite of passage, things like that. I want to make sure I design courses around things you want to learn. If you head over to https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/, I have a quiz pinned right at the top. It doesn’t cost you anything to take the quiz, it just helps me out knowing where you are at. There is a spot to write in your own idea too. If you have not liked the Facebook page yet, there is another link just below this. If you are reading this sometime past May of 2016, disregard, the quiz probably isn’t there anymore.but you might be able to take the courses.…

Take the Quiz at: Being A Better Man Facebook:   https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

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036 – Perseverance & The Theory Of Manhood

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 15 Apr 2016 08:15:07 -0500

Perseverance & The Theory of Manhood! With special guest: Eric Williams

In my opinion, Eric Williams story is one of perseverance and victory in spite of seemingly insurmountable odds. Among many other things, In spite of being severely dyslexic in a world that doesn’t understand dyslexia, he became an accomplished author. He has met the challenges of raising a severely autistic son. As an American he was able to battle and win over the powers that be in the Country of Norway, to create and deliver one of that countries most popular tv shows ever, Alt For Norge! No small feat.

One big nugget Eric gives us in this episode is his theory of manhood…I hope you listen to it, because he nails it! I don’t want to give it all away, but it has to do with being alone and afraid.

His novel The Gift of No-Water is available on Amazon.com and this summer his new book Copperman will be out as an Audiobook. besides being an author Eric Williams is a husband and father of two, an avid fisherman, woodworker and artist. He is the co-creator of the award winning Norwegian TV show Alt For Norge. He currently lives and works in Oslo Norway.

And that is how I came to know Eric Williams…because I was a contestant on that Norwegian Reality TV show and the experience totally transformed my life for the better, something I am eternally grateful for.

Below is a link to Eric’s book on amazon, his email address if you want to contact him, and a youtube link to episode 1 of Alt for Norge, the Norwegian show I was on that we talk about in the episode, the concept that Eric co-created.

Eric’s Book:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Gift-No-Water-Eric-Williams/dp/1452847894

Alt for Norge, season 3, Episode 1:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FL2Zi-vy4Q

Eric’s Email: willgjems@gmail.com

If you have not done it yet…Please leave a rating and review over on iTunes. And also, use the form below to join the email list. You will have an option of a 15 minute Skype call with me to talk about anything you want.

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035 – The Power Of Life And Death

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 08:00:15 -0500

Submitted for your edification;

The Power Of Life And Death.

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual and interesting life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing is that every story has a lesson.

Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

As you listen I really want you to consider your own stories, when did you learn these lessons? Can you remember? Sometimes digging up your own past can have great benefit, especially if you are made to remember that one singular moment in time when you learned something vital. It’s almost like learning it all over again. That…is the purpose of these stories.

In fact, I think there is nothing quite so human as the hearing and telling of stories. It’s how our ancestors conveyed critical information from one generation to the next. The stories told around campfires the world over are what eventually shaped our species into what it is today.

Todays story described a pivotal moment in every persons life.

FACEBOOK LINK: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

Remember, everyone who subscribes to the email list below gets a phone or Skype call!

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034 – Being Sober, Like A man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 11 Apr 2016 08:00:54 -0500

Being Sober, Like A Man! With special guest Victor Yocco.

Today we have a compelling story, told by the man who lived it. It is a story of addiction, followed by the victory of sobriety. My guest, Victor Yocco has become a better man. Since his sobriety two years ago he has accomplished many things; he has written a book, had a baby, written many articles, spoke at international conferences and much more. But perhaps the greatest thing he has done is simply to maintain his sobriety.

Being sober, or getting sober and staying that way is no simple feat. Alcohol will dissolve many things…among them are families, careers, and lives. Today Victor shares his insights with us as someone who has gone through it, and lived to tell about it.

Unless we live an extremely sheltered life, we all know someone who is struggling with one addiction or another. You may not be the person in question…but your friends or family members may be, and if you were able to help them, to nudge them in the right direction, isn’t that something you should do, as a man?

Or, maybe it is you. If so you don’t need to dwell in shame about it, tomorrow is a new day and you can start making a difference in your life right now, just like Victor did. What one man can do, another can do!

Below are some links that you can use to connect with victor, or read his articles, or order his new book and get 39% off with the promo code:

An article I wrote on addressing the culture of drinking in design and technology fields. Also the first time I was public about having an issue with alcohol abuse: https://modelviewculture.com/pieces/the-ux-of-alcohol-abuse-reflections-on-a-year-of-sobriety

An article I wrote on the process I went through as I spent my first year of sobriety working in an office with a culture promoting alcohol use: http://www.vox.com/2015/8/3/9072737/alcoholic-at-work

An article I wrote on the importance of asking for support: http://consciousmagazine.co/asking-for-support-key-for-living-a-healthy-life/

My upcoming book on the application of psychology to design, which is available for pre-order: https://www.manning.com/books/design-for-the-mind You can share this discount code for listeners to take 39% off at checkout yoccomupad

Also remember to sign up for the weekly newsletter, in the form below:

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033 – Shake Hands…Like A MAN

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 08 Apr 2016 08:00:19 -0500

Shake Hands…Like A Man. Today on Free For All Friday!

Everything we do as a man is important, everything has meaning…everything we do or say conveys something about us to someone else, or to ourself, but it’s all important. Even the little things, like shaking hands. I’m not talking about the bro handshake you use in more casual settings, I’m talking about the traditional style hand shake.

I have shaken guys hands and it was literally like shaking the hand of a corpse…I got nothing! Zero grip whatsoever.I just don’t know what to make of that when it happens…to me it conveys an absolute disinterest in life itself when someone shakes hands that way. The truth is though…they probably just don’t know it matters, because no one ever told them. But I’m telling you right now.

In today’s episode I give you a little primer into the world of hand shaking. I even cover shaking the hands of women, it can be tricky.

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032 – A Horrible Suprise

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 06 Apr 2016 08:29:27 -0500

Submitted for your perusal; A Horrible Surprise.

Story Time With Alf is here…

Every Wednesday I regal you with a story from somewhere in my unusual life. It could be funny, sad, serious or disturbing, the important thing though is that every story has a lesson. Even though these are my stories, you can apply these lessons to your own life, or perhaps they will remind you of your own similar story and the lessons you learned from it. Either way, you should be entertained.

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031 – Manhood Is A Responsibility

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 04 Apr 2016 08:00:04 -0500

Manhood Is A Responsibility!

What does it mean to be a man? The shortest, most concise answer is this; a man is an example. What kind of example is obviously up to the man himself, but every man is a living, breathing example to someone. Your children, your friends, your co-workers, people on the street you don’t even know…someone is always watching you and in that moment you are the example of what manhood is. Even when you are alone, you are watching you.

When thought of this way it becomes obvious what else being a man is; being a man is a responsibility. Obviously manhood is much more complex and we will continue to explore that further as the podcast evolves, but if I had to squeeze manhood into two words they would be ‘example’ and ‘responsibility’. At the core, that is what it means to be a man.

So if you ever find yourself wondering why you bother to be a better man today than you were yesterday…this is why; because everything you do, every word you speak is being watched by someone, and you are being an example. As such it is your responsibility to be the best example you can.

This is a listener inspired episode. A guy named Rich, a teacher asked this question:

How does the way we act as men impact younger men or boys becoming men in your opinion? In my experience as a teacher I have found that men are role models for aspiring youths whether or not they realize it. What we put out into the world can influence younger generations more than we can quantify. Because of this influence it is important to be conscious of how we act. Very few men from my own observations seem to understand this.

I have touched on this topic in some previous episodes, but I have not devoted an entire episode to it…and it is a topic that is worthy of review, because it is a critical component of being a man in my opinion. Thank you Rich, for your question.

As mentioned in the episode I reference a quote from one of my blogs, you can find the entire article :::HERE:::

Also mentioned was our sponsor; :::The Mantoring Program:::

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A New Deal!

Starting right now, anyone who subscribes to the email list will not only receive the report mentioned in the form below…in addition, I will email you a link to my scheduler, with it you will have the ability to schedule a 15 minute Skype or phone conversation with me, to talk about whatever you want. If you want to talk about the show, great…if you just want to say hi, also great. It’s up to you. Just fill out the form below.

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030 – Complacency…It’s Not Manly.

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 01 Apr 2016 08:00:18 -0500

COMPLACENCY…

Another listener inspired episode from John in Canada!

woo hoo!! 30th episode! Milestone reached! Thanks to all of you who listen…thank you.

Yes, this is a listener inspired episode. John from Canada went to the website and filled out the YOUR SHOW IDEAS form and came up with this question:

The one thing that I can’t understand is why some people don’t have a need to get better. They are just happy living their same daily routine without the need to do something different. I feel some of these people will live long healthy lives. What am I missing here? Are they somehow getting better each day without me realizing it? Or do people who live long healthy happy lives without trying to get better everyday exist?

In my interpretation of John’s question, it sounds like he is asking about people who seem to be locked in a paradigm, a paradigm of complacency, a pattern of life that does not include improvement, challenge, or risk, in fact these people would tend to avoid change. These people seem content just going along with the status quo day after day after day.

question John, and a complex one. In this episode I give you my opinion on this based on my interpretation of John’s question. It’s just my theory, not intended to be definitive, but rather to start the conversation. I would love to hear your ideas on this multi-faceted topic. Here in the comments, in an email, over on Facebook…but SOMEWHERE!

I have a favor to ask of you; In honor of the 30th episode, can you pick one person that you think would benefit from this podcast…and tell him about it? While your at it, share your favorite episodes on social media. I really need your help to get the word out so I can keep on doing this.

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029 – The Almost Perfect Day

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 30 Mar 2016 08:00:07 -0500

It’s Story Time!

Every Wednesday I depart from the regular format and tell a story from my strange and interesting life. These aren’t just stories for the sake of telling a story…on the contrary, they are relevant to our mission here at Being A Better Man. Some stories may be sad, others funny, some may even be disturbing, but all the stories have some nugget or morsel of wisdom, a lesson that you might be able to apply to your own life. Or, it might remind you of your own story in which valuable lessons were learned.

Stories are the means by which our species has conveyed wisdom from one generation to the next down through the ages. It’s no different today…all you need is someone to tell the story (me) and someone to hear the story (you).

This week is a story that had a particular impact on my life.

Head over to the website at www.Beingabettermanpodcast.com, leave a comment or fire me an email. I promise I’ll answer.

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028 – Handling Conflict Like A Man

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 28 Mar 2016 08:00:15 -0500

Handling Conflict…Like a Man!

In this episode we talk specifically about conflict that occurs most often; the conflict between you and people you know best, your friends, family and co-workers.

Most personal conflict occurs between people who know each other fairly well, like family, friends, co-workers. The very people we really do not want to have a problem with right? But, by virtue of our proximity to these people…those are the very ones that we wind up getting into it with, and it is our obligation…our duty as a man, in my opinion, to handle it well.

Hey it happens, as humans we can’t really avoid running into occasional conflict with other people…it is part of our human experience but the question, and the challenge is…how do we best handle it, like a man.

Most often, in my experience, these types of conflicts arise over fundamental disagreements about sensitive issues like politics, sex, religion, money, or how to raise children.

In this episode I make a confession…and I also provide you with a direction and a reason to handle this type of conflict. It isn’t always easy, but it is possible to handle conflict like a man.

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027 – Walk Like A MAN

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 08:00:10 -0500

Walk Like A MAN!

Don’t worry…this episode is not about making fun of the way people walk. In fact it’s not about the mechanics of walking at all, rather it is about the energy we walk with. It’s about doing everything including walking with mindfulness…being mindful of your purpose, your destination, walking like you have somewhere to go.

Acting as though you have purpose and intention will give you purpose. Try it out, next time you walk imagine that you are walking to an important destination. This simple thing is also a confidence building exercise.

The truth of it is this…whenever you are walking you ARE walking toward an important destination…because your future hasn’t happened yet, whenever you are walking, you are walking directly into your future. I’d say that is an important destination wouldn’t you?

I have a request:

I am very interested in providing you, my listeners with what you need. It would be really helpful to me if you could send me an email to: alf@beingbetter.men put the word “struggle” in the subject line, and answer this one question: What are your struggling with, in regard to being a better man? Hey if you aren’t struggling…great! But if there is something, anything that you need help with, some area of your life that you would like to improve…let me know.

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026 – Naughty Bird

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 23 Mar 2016 08:00:41 -0500

Story Time!

NAUGHTY BIRD!

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

It is my hope the story leaves you entertained…but the real important part of today’s episode is the moral of the story. As always, I steer it back around to extract what we can from these stories to use in our every day lives., as we go about the mission of being a better man today, than we were yesterday.

https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/   << This is a link

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025 – Hospitality is Manly!

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 21 Mar 2016 08:00:24 -0500

HOSPITALITY!

You might be wondering how this topic could help you be a better man…in this episode I will tell you.

I will talk about the history of hospitality, why it is helpful for all parties involved, and I will introduce a different idea about it. Many people think that the only opportunity to be hospitable is when someone comes to your house or your place of business. I would like to present you with an entirely different notion.

I will also give you examples of how I use it in my life.

There is more involved than just being nice and asking people if they want something to drink. It is a habit, a habit that could improve your life and make you a better man in the process.

These times we live in are not overly hospitable. You can walk down the street of any city and pretty much be ignored by everyone. A woman can drop her groceries and men will walk by as though they don’t even notice. A person can slip on the ice and nobody offers to help them up…it’s a sad thing. Our civilization has gotten so big that hospitality seems almost obsolete. It is not obsolete though, in fact I think we need it now more than ever.

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024 – Importance of Eye Contact

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 18 Mar 2016 08:00:24 -0500

Look them in the eye!

Today I am going to talk about something that will pave the way for some future topics; Its really important that you start thinking about this first. I’m talking about making eye contact.

You might be wondering what making eye contact has to do with Being A Better Man…I’m going to tell you.

If you lived on a deserted island it wouldn’t be a big deal, you could be a better man every day and never worry about making eye contact…but the fact is, we live on a planet with 7 billion other people. Eye contact is a huge deal wether you are talking to a girl, hanging out with your friends or going to a job interview.

Eye contact is one of those primal, subconscious things that we react to from deep in our brain stem. It is a non-verbal form of communication that instills an immediate connection.

Too much eye contact can be bad…too little can also be bad. Too much eye contact can make another person feel like you are trying to dominate them, it can be threatening, rude and aggressive.

Too little, or no eye contact makes people not trust you, you appear shifty, uninterested, or simply lacking any self esteem.

The right amount of eye contact conveys confidence, trustworthiness, mutual connection and likability. So one reason this is part of the Being A Better Man equation is because we have a responsibility as men to make the people we come into contact with feel at ease. Studies show that the perfect amount of eye contact is between 30 and 60 percent, depending on the situation.

Aside from our responsibility to other people, there are great benefits to us as well. Say you are going in to interview for a job. When you meet your prospective employer you look him in the eye as you shake hands, during the interview you make eye contact with him whenever he is talking, and most of the time when you are talking. You will appear interested, sincere, honest and even more intelligent. Your chances of getting that job just increased by doing this one little thing.

The importance of making eye contact cannot be over-rated guys. I have noticed, especially with younger guys that eye contact has become like a lost art…sometimes it is non-existant.

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023 – The Long Day

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 16 Mar 2016 08:00:31 -0500

Story Time: The Long Day

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. Today’s story is a little different, because instead of telling a story that happened a long time ago…this one is recent, it happened just the other day.

This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

It is my hope the story leaves you entertained…but the real important part of today’s episode is the moral of the story. As always, I steer it back around to extract what we can from these stories to use in our every day lives., as we go about the mission of being a better man today, than we were yesterday.

Here are some pictures of the truck:

Close up

Sucking out the chips

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022 – Controlling Your Anger

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 08:00:12 -0500

Controlling Your Anger

So, the kind of anger I want to talk about today specifically is something a lot of guys struggle with. This is actually a listener inspired episode, A man by the name of Scott wrote me and suggested it. In his letter Scott shared that he has an anger problem that has been identified, and now he is determined to get it under control so that the other people in his life can be happier people. Scott is Being A Better Man.

Anger is one of those useful emotions like fear, it can save your life in the right situation, anger is the “Fight” part of the instinctive fight or flight response while fear is the “flight” part.

But…like fear, when it is out of control it can also wreck your life, and the lives of those around you. For that matter when any emotion is unchecked and out of control it will cause problems…but anger in particular.

Important point here; just because an emotion naturally exists, doesn’t mean that it’s always ok, or that it can’t get out of control, or become a bad thing.

In this episode one thing I mention is that in under a minute I did a quick search and found some resources to help with anger. You can do the same thing. here are the links I found:

http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/anger-management/art-20045434

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021 – NEOMASCULINITY…what the????

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 11 Mar 2016 09:00:05 -0500

FREE FOR ALL FRIDAY!!

Today we have another Listener inspired episode. This question comes from a man by the name of Elliot, he didn’t say where he was from but he asks a contemporary question.

Elliot writes: “I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on “Neomasculinity”.

OK, what is Elliot talking about and why have I decided to spend any time on this? Well, recently there has been a movement rising up that is using this term Neomasculinity, there is an entire doctrine and philosophy around it, and if you aren’t careful.…you could get sucked into it. So, I thought I would talk about it so that if you encounter something like this you will know what to watch out for and be able to make up your own mind.

Thanks Elliot for the great question! If you have a question or something you would like to hear about on the show Click here: YOUR SHOW IDEAS.

Today’s episode was sponsored by: THE MANTORING PROGRAM. Personal, customized one-on-one coaching and mentoring about anything that has to do with being a man. Offered exclusively here, at BeingABetterManPodcast.com. Click on this link to get more information: THE MANTORING PROGRAM

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020 – Severed Parts

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 09 Mar 2016 09:00:30 -0500

Today’s offering, is a tale I call Severed Parts

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Todays story, Severed Parts, is not as gruesome as it sounds…well, maybe a little bit.

It is my hope the story leaves you entertained…but the real important part of today’s episode is the moral of the story. As always, I steer it back around to extract what we can from these stories to use in our every day lives., as we go about the mission of being a better man today, than we were yesterday.

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019 – LEGACY, with Guest H. Guthrie Chamberlain

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 07 Mar 2016 09:00:38 -0500

Legacy…

I welcome H. Guthrie Chamberlain to the show, he has a podcast called Wisdom Trek, I noticed him because he talks a lot about legacy, so I thought he would be a good fit for the show. You can check out his iTunes page here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wisdom-trek/id1000655109?mt=2

His Website is here:

http://wisdom-trek.com/

And his email is here:

guthrie@venturecg.com

The concept of legacy can be a powerful tool in your life as a man. Imagine…if everything you said and did, you did so with the concept of legacy in mind. It might affect your behaviors in ways you have not even imagined.

For example, I go through each day conscious of the fact that my ancestors are watching me…I want to make them proud of the things I do. Likewise, everything I do is also done thinking about how it might affect my descendants …the people who aren’t even born yet. It might sound like a lot of pressure if you have never thought of it that way before…but it doesn’t feel like pressure to me…it feels like an honor, and it makes me remember to be a better man today, than I was yesterday.

So remember guys….everything you do is affecting your personal legacy one way or another…wether you realize it or not, you may as well live with some intention, where legacy is concerned.

This is me, with a picture of my Legacy:

Hey if you believe in what this podcast is doing and the message we are putting out, and you want to help…here’s what you can do; first, tell other people about it, share it on social media…and second, subscribe, rate, and review it in iTunes. The higher our ratings are, the more easily guys can find it. If more guys find it then more guys will be thinking about being better men…and the world will be a better place. So thanks, for helping to make the world a better place.

018 – Manly Routines and Hobbies.

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 04 Mar 2016 09:00:31 -0500

Free For All Friday is here!

Today is special because it is the first ever LISTENER INSPIRED episode. What that means is a guy named Peter from Ohio, went to the web site, he clicked on Your show Ideas in the drop-down tab under CONTACT ALF.

He filled out the form, submitted it, and now we are listening to the episode that resulted. I invite everyone to do what Peter from Ohio did if you have any specific thing you would like to hear on the show.

In this episode I am answering the following listener question: Peter writes: “I’d like to hear more about practical steps a man can take to be a man – specifically, what routines and hobbies a man has, and makes a conscious effort to continue, in order to better himself. Perhaps you can also help listeners such as myself to have a better understanding of how to start some of these routines and hobbies.”

OK, so in this episode we are talking about routines; what they are, why they are important, and hobbies, and why they are important. We are also talking about how to get started on them.

Thank you Peter for your question. I look forward to doing more listener inspired shows in the future. There are a couple already on-deck, but there is room for plenty more.

In the episode I mention Gregg Clunis’ podcast Tiny Leaps, Big Changes. I encourage you to check it out because he talks about some different beneficial things that could definitely become routines in your life, here is a link to his show: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tiny-leaps-big-changes-motivation/id1071032154?mt=2

Now go out into the world and be a better man today than you were yesterday…

Oh yeah…and subscribe to this podcast in iTunes and also to my email list, here is a form for your convenience:

017 – Hell Week

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 02 Mar 2016 09:00:23 -0500

HELL WEEK…

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Todays story, Hell Week, is about an extremely formative period of time in everyones life…the first week of school. As in other areas of life my first week of school is probably not normal.

(Yes, the kid in the picture is actually me)

AS ALWAYS THOUGH…THERE IS A MORAL TO THE STORY THAT TIES EVERYTHING BACK TO THE MESSAGE…BE A BETTER MAN TODAY, THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY.

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016 – The necessity of RESOLUTION

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 29 Feb 2016 09:00:07 -0500

RESOLUTION! HAVING RESOLVE…

In today’s episode we are going to talk about having resolve…to make a resolution, which is something we MUST do if we decide to be a better man today than we were yesterday.…we have to resolve to do so, we have to make the decision or resolution before we can implement it.

Today’s guest in my opinion is the epitome of resolution. He is an IT guy from Michigan, a husband and a father. He has been a successful blogger since 2002, but what he has began most recently is what got my attention. What he has done is start a podcast. Not just any podcast, his podcast is the physical manifestation of the resolution he made, and continues to make every day. His podcast is called “The Fat Father Chronicles”.

I strongly encourage you to check out The Fat Father Chronicles if you or anyone you know struggles with obesity or…if you struggle with anything, a resolution is a resolution.

The Fat Father Chronicles in iTunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/fat-father-chronicles-chronicles/id1080216079?mt=2

The Fat Father Chronicles Website:

http://www.toobig.net/podcast/

Resolution…it isn’t a word that we use everyday, but every time someone makes a decision to do something, they are resolving to do it…they are making a resolution. Everyone has heard of new years resolutions…the problem is, most new years resolutions that I have ever witnessed last until sometime in February. I might question if there was any true resolve in those cases or if they were just talking about a good idea…and calling it a resolution.

How do we make a resolution and have it stick? How do we train ourself to actually be committed to a decision? If you can answer these questions, and master this process, your life will be a better place, and your decision to be a better man today will yield better results.

The example of resolution that Jess brings us today is about weight, and health, things that I am sure effect a large number of you listening. But listen up, because these same principles apply to anything you want to change…to any negative situation…before change can occur, a resolution must take place.

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015 – The Skill of Decisiveness

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 09:00:39 -0500

The Skill Of Decisiveness!

In this Free For All Friday episode I am talking about a critical skill; the skill of decisiveness.

I am not just talking about making decisions…I’m talking about living as a decisive man. Decisiveness is a skill that makes it possible for us to get things done, and as men, that’s what we should be doing; getting things done.

In this episode I explain what exactly decisiveness is, what the benefits of it are, and…how to become a decisive man.

I even talk about something I discovered that I have to change to be more decisive…and therefore a better man. We all have room to improve, and I am no exemption.

Living as a decisive man is just one more thing we can all do to become better men today, than we were yesterday.

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014 – DEVIL BIKE

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 09:00:19 -0500

DEVIL BIKE!

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

Today is another tale from the summer of 1968, it was a busy year. In this macabre tale a young Alf Herigstad becomes the hapless victim of his very own bicycle.

AS ALWAYS THOUGH…THERE IS A MORAL TO THE STORY THAT TIES EVERYTHING BACK TO THE MESSAGE…BE A BETTER MAN TODAY, THAN YOU WERE YESTERDAY.

HEY GUYS, COME AND SAY HI ON THE FACEBOOK PAGE, THIS IS A LINK:

https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

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013 – Work Ethic & Fatherhood, with Tanel Jappinen

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 09:00:53 -0500

Work Ethic & Fatherhood

Two things that go hand in hand with being a man.

Tanel Jappinen is a fellow podcaster, he produces a show called Brand New Father. When I heard his story I really wanted to get him on the show. He is from the country of Estonia but has worked extensively in the US.

In this podcast you will hear his inspiring tale in his own words; how he designed his life and got where he is today through good old fashioned hard work and focus.

He shares some great tips with us about how to break down life into smaller parts and focus on a couple things at a time rather than trying to think about everything at once. He talks about the incredible journey of fatherhood, not giving up, focusing on priorities, not judging people and much more.

At just 31 years of age Tanel has learned the importance of setting priorities and focusing on them, and we can all get some value out of that example. What one man can do…another can do.

I encourage everyone who is a father or who is going to be a father to check out his podcast:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/brand-new-father-podcast/id1075885262?mt=2

Check out his website as well: http://www.brandnewfather.com/podcast/

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

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012 – Men are what they DO! Not what they say.

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 19 Feb 2016 09:00:53 -0500

Free For All Friday!

Men are what they DO…Not what they say. That’s what today’s episode is all about.

What do you spend your time doing? It’s important…because that is what you are. Talk is cheap, we can tell ourself and the rest of the world all kinds of things about ourselves, but unless those words are backed up by action, they are meaningless.

So, what are your priorities? Chances are, you spend the greatest amount of time on your priorities, which means those are the things that define what and who you are. What kind of man you are. If, through some self analysis you determine there is something you don’t like, something that needs improvement, then it may be time to re-prioritize.

For example; if a man says he is a writer, and he never writes…then he isn’t really a writer at all, rather he is a guy who likes the idea of writing, or he just likes saying he is a writer, see what I mean?

As you go into this weekend, think about the things you do and don’t do. Think about the man you want to be, and make your decisions based on that.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Don’t forget; Being A Better Man has a Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/ a Twitter: @Alfbeingbetter, an Instagram at AlfHerigstad. ALSO…Why not subscribe to the email list in the form below and receive a free report called 5 Steps to become a better man…immediately!

_

011 – Sink or Swim?

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 09:00:13 -0500

Story Time!

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Every Wednesday we depart from the regular format and we have Story Time. This is where I tell a story from my strange and interesting life, it could be funny, sad, serious, or even disturbing. Afterwards I talk about the moral of the story…the lesson learned that pertains to being a better man. The message is always consistent here regardless of what episode you listen to; be a better man today, than you were yesterday.

This particular story is one from 1968, but the moral of the story is relevant to men of any age. I hope you enjoy it.

I am encouraging everyone to subscribe to the email list. You will get a free report as it says in the form below, but people on the email list will get some privileged information and you will get it first. There are also some things people on the list will get in the future…that people who are not on the list won’t. Plus…it is yet another way we can stay connected. I answer every email I receive.

Oh, and for crying out loud don’t forget to join us on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

and rate, review, and subscribe in iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/being-a-better-man/id1076809446?mt=2

010 – Valentines Day – Special Guest

Alf Herigstad — Sun, 14 Feb 2016 09:00:31 -0500

ATTRACTION vs. ADMIRATION

Yes, it is Valentines day today, and in honor of that I have brought a guest onto the show who I think is an expert on such things…my very own wife, Lulie Herigstad! The picture is actually of her and I on our wedding day…it was an awesome wedding!

In this episode, besides the industry known as “Valentines Day” we will be discussing a very important topic that deals with romantic relationships; Attraction vs. Admiration. They both start with ‘A’, they both have ten letters…but thats where the similarities stop.

Men and women operate differently in some areas, and it is both important and helpful to understand those differences. In this episode we dissect some of those differences and frame them in a way that can be useful to you right now.

As I mention at the end of the podcast, I am putting an opt-in box for my email list here on this page. I encourage you to sign up. I plan on extending extra, added value to the email list moving forward, and it gives you an easy way to connect with me.

Also, come and connect with me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bettermanpodcast/

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

______________________________________

009 – What’s the deal with Alf’s beard?

Alf Herigstad — Fri, 12 Feb 2016 09:00:40 -0500

FREE FOR ALL FRIDAY!!

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Today is the very first episode of Free For All Friday. It may become a regular thing…it may not, it depends how it goes. After all…I’m still figuring all this stuff out as I go.

Basically, two things are required; 1.) Time to produce the episode and 2.) Something relevant to say. When those two things exists simultaneously then we will have a Free For All Friday!

What kinds of things can you expect here? Well, There could be a pressing current event, I could have a brilliant revelation that I want to share immediately, someone might ask me a question that I decide to answer publicly…the potential list goes on and on. Basically…it’s for stuff that won’t fit into the regular Being A Better Man show, or Story Time on Wednesdays.

What’s the deal with Alf’s beard?

That is the topic of today’s show. A lot of people wonder about my beard, they wonder what would possess me to make this particular fashion choice. I don’t want all that wondering getting in the way of your paying attention to what I’m saying. So this episode is intended to clear the air and answer your questions, so we can move on.

A reminder:

Subscribe – rate – review in iTunes – join the email list – comment – ask questions – get on the facebook page – add me on twitter and instagram – be an active part of this community.

008 – The Walnut Tree

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 10 Feb 2016 09:00:14 -0500

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Welcome, to another installment of story time with Alf, today’s story is The Walnut Tree. As usual with Wednesday’s episodes…there are no regular show notes. But, I will remind you that I really love getting feedback, of any kind.

So comment on this episode and others, send me your show ideas here, go to iTunes and rate and review the show, or do the same at stitcher if that is what you use. Subscribe to the program so you get all the new episodes.

Join the email list!!! You can also just write to me at alf@beingbetter.men.

Why do I want you to engage?

Because, your engagement is what will make this podcast sink or swim ultimately. And, it just makes me feel good to know people are listening and to hear what you are getting out of it.

I hope you enjoy the story. Now go be better men today, than you were yesterday…I’ll do the same.

Alf Herigstad

007 – Guest: Gregg Clunis

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 08 Feb 2016 09:00:45 -0500

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Todays fantastic episode features an interview with Gregg Clunis, an extremely dynamic young man.

Gregg and I are both members in an online community that focuses on podcasting, that is how I came to know about him.

I asked Gregg to be a guest because I am so impressed with his maturity, enthusiasm, and drive. He is a young guy that is designing his life in a powerful way and that…is inspiring!

Gregg is a producer, a writer, and a podcaster. His podcast is called “Tiny Leaps, big changes” and it is jammed packed with great content that helps us all improve by making a series of small leaps of improvement in our daily lives, so it fits right in with the philosophy we have here on Being A Better Man.

In the podcast, we talk about a lot of things like the importance of mentors and what motivates us. Gregg mentions one of the books that had a big impact on his life; Awaken the Giant Within – Tony Robbins. Gregg also challenges all of us with some actionable Man Hacks we can do right now to make a difference in our life. I am taking him up on that challenge…in fact I have already started and I encourage you to as well.

If you want to check Gregg out here are some links, I strongly encourage you to give him a listen:

Twiiter: @greggclunis   Instagram: Gregg Clunis

Website: www.tinyleaps.co

Tiny Leaps Big Changes podcast in iTunes:   https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/tiny-leaps-big-changes-motivation/id1071032154?mt=2

006 – Electric Man

Alf Herigstad — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 09:00:40 -0500

This is a departure from the usual routine. I have decided to squeak in these little extra episodes between regularly scheduled podcasts. Don’t worry…it is still in keeping with the mission to be a better man, it’s just something a little different. I hope you find it entertaining and worthwhile.

No regular show notes for this episode…but I will remind you to Rate and review the podcast in iTunes, tell your friends about it and share it in social media. All of that really helps get the word out. Oh, and if you have not sucscribed to be on the email list, you can do that HERE.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

005 – Guest: Clinton Herigstad

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 13:00:32 -0500

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

This episode features the very first ever guest on Being A Better Man. He is 33 yrs old, a writer, a musician, a husband and a dad and an aspiring podcaster himself. He is also my son Clinton Herigstad.

I wanted to have Clinton on the show because he is the living, breathing real life example of my philosophy in a way, because I raised him.

In the episode we talk about several things involving not just being men, but being better men than we were yesterday.

CLINTONS MAN HACK:

Clinton talks about how he overcame time wasting activities and motivation problems by scheduling your fun time into your life along with your serious work time in order to achieve balance and not be deprived of things you like to do.

Clinton is in the process of writing a book in the horror genre, he has a Facebook page for it at: https://www.facebook.com/welcometolegion/?fref=ts

Give this episode a listen. We’ll keep track of Clintons progress on his upcoming podcasts and probably have him back in the future for an update.

HERE ARE SOME BULLET POINTS TO KEEP YOU BUSY UNTIL NEXT TIME:

GET ON THE EMAIL LIST

RATE & REVIEW THE SHOW

SUBSCRIBE TO THE SHOW

INTERACT WITH US ON FACEBOOK – TWITTER – INSTAGRAM

LEAVE COMMENTS ON THIS EPISODE

READ THE BLOGS

SUBMIT YOUR SHOW IDEAS UNDER THE “CONTACT ALF” MENU TAB

CHECK OUT THE MANTORING PROGRAM

004 – Defining Confidence

Alf Herigstad — Mon, 25 Jan 2016 13:00:43 -0500

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

I wanted to do this episode fairly early in the process because it is going to come up a lot as we move forward. A lot of the challenges men, particularly young men face today are born from insecurity, or a lack of confidence. Confidence is that holy grail of manhood…it’s like the more confident you are the better your life is….at least that is the perception.

That may be partly true, but still confidence is just part of the equation…admittedly a big part, but still just one piece of the puzzle.

In this episode we will Define confidence.

Talk about the components and conditions necessary for confidence to exist.

Discuss the difference between confidence and other manly virtues.

We will establish exactly why a man should want and need confidence.

The difference between being confident at a single thing and living life as a confident man.

Are there any downsides to confidence?

What is the difference between confidence and arrogance?

FINALLY…How does a man attain confidence? How do you become a confident man?

If you enjoy this episode…if this podcast and the mission of it resonate with you and you believe it is a worthwhile endeavor I am going to ask you to do some things for me, it won’t cost you a penny. 1,2 &3 are the most important…the rest are just good suggestions that I hope you do.

At the bottom of this page fill out the form to get on the mailing list, it is another way for us to be in touch, and also as I do major things in the future or have any special content, I will share it with my email list first.

Head over to iTunes and leave a rating and review of this show. This helps it be more visible so that other guys like you can find it easier.

While at iTunes, SUBSCRIBE. This makes it more convenient for you to listen to new episodes.

Join my facebook, Twitter and instagram pages. The first two have buttons on the bottom of the home page, instagram is alfherigstad.

Leave comments, interact, be a part of this movement to be better men today than we were yesterday.

In the contact page on my website there is a drop down that says “Your show Ideas”. fill the form out and tell me what is on your mind, what challenges you have and anything else you would like to know.

003 – What does being better mean?

Alf Herigstad — Thu, 21 Jan 2016 22:25:13 -0500

What does Being A Better Man really mean? What am I talking about? How is it accomplished?

These are some of the questions I explore and try to answer in this episode. On the surface the idea of Being A Better Man might sound simplistic…but actually making that phrase mean something real in your everyday life is another matter entirely. Too often humans say things ONLY because they sound good, I will try to give you some practical, applicable advice, along with the reasons why it matters.

As usual, if you listen to this episode and you are unclear in any way, please do not hesitate to write to me or simply comment on this episode. You can also take advantage of the Your Show Ideas tab here on the website.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

002 – Rites of Passage

Alf Herigstad — Thu, 21 Jan 2016 21:53:35 -0500

I was a boxer as a young man, this is me, the fighting viking around 1978.

The picture here is of me, when I was 16, and it is relevant to the episode. In this episode I am talking about the importance of rites of passage to us as men.

The problem is, there are many men getting into adulthood without ever going through a rite of passage. In this episode I offer some solutions and also ask for your help and input.

BIG NEWS!

(added 04/18/18) The content from 193 episodes has yielded a product! Not every episode, but from the Wednesday stories I tell that have a lesson attached to them. It has been compiled into a book called, Forging A Man ~ A Collection Of True Tales, And The Lessons Wrought From Them. It will be available in both eBook and print form, the print copy will make a fine gift as well. Here is a link to my author page, if you only see one book, that means the print copy isn’t available yet, but it will be soon. Oh, and please remember to leave a review on Amazon, because that makes it more visible to potential readers. Thank you so much! (GET THE BOOK HERE)

Some of the website tabs I mention in this episode are:

Your Stories

Your Show Ideas

The mantoring Program

Comment on this episode

Comment on this episode
Name
First Last
Email

Being A Better Man

235 – The Return…With guest Les Moore

The Return! With special guest, Les Moore.

That’s right guy’s, I’m back!

This guest started out as a listener of of this show and I noticed him pretty early on for two reasons. One, because he was always liking things and leaving some comments and two, because he had kind of an unusual name that I really liked.

One of my favorite parts of Les’ story is that he did something I always talk about here; he became an example for his entire family. He became such an example that he inspired his wife Lori to get into the gym and she has lost a staggering 130 pounds as well.

There are some things I want you to pay special attention to in this interview:

Les’ motivation, the reason he made this decision to become healthy.

What is the biggest payoff Les has noticed.

Process goals vs. Outcome goals.

Advice for the holiday’s

Les’ personal message to all of you out there who may want to make a change.

Here is a picture of Les, before and after his transformation. From 234 pounds to 185 pounds.

Contact Les:

Here are links to hook up with Les and ask him questions, or take advantage of his on-line services. He offered to be a resource…so take him up on it.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

234 – Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them

Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them…

This week I got a letter from a listener named Kyle. Kyle was wondering if I would talk about something specific, that being; overcoming failure in your life.

The listener who posed this question, Kyle, refers to these as failures, and he wants to know how you should deal with these things as a man, and how to overcome them.

I prefer to call these types of things mistakes, or errors in judgement. Some mistakes are way bigger and have more consequences than others but at the end of the day…it was still an error in judgement that led to it.

There are several things that you should definitely NOT do when you make a horrible mistake. I’ll list a few of those here.

You should not justify it in any way. By justifying I mean making excuses so that it doesn’t seem as bad as it is. Some people justify their bad behavior by pointing out other people bad behavior, as though that make it OK. It doesn’t. Do not try to justify your bad behavior.

Some guys will become so riddled with guilt and shame over a bad mistake that they aren’t any good for themselves or anyone else. This is extremely counter productive…so don’t do that.

Don’t try to cover it up. Covering it up doesn’t make it go away. It will eat at you like poison because you know what you have done. In the meantime, while you are basting in the guilt of your actions, you have become less of a man.

Do not blame anyone else or any circumstance or anything for your mistake. It’s your mistake. You are in complete charge of your actions and anything you do is your fault.

Some consequences are horrible, like losing your whole family, divorce, bankruptcy, prison, public humiliation, even death. The list goes on and on. What I’m telling you is that if you want to be a better man you cannot avoid the consequences for your actions.

If you have that mindset, it may make a difference in how you make decisions going forward. You may actually be inclined to make fewer of these horrible kinds of mistakes if you believe that everything you do becomes part of who you are along with the consequences.

I hope that answered your question Kyle. If you have a question for me I would love to hear it. There is a form here at the website, or you can just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

233 – There Are Always Options

There Are Always Options…

I’m happy to report that during my absence 8,476 people still listened to the podcast. That’s awesome. Thank you all for hanging in there.

I’m telling you guys, these are the best kilts out there. They are durable beyond measure, comfortable, and the unique design makes them extraordinarily useful as well.

The overriding lesson I learned from this experience is also the title of this podcast; “There Are Always Options”. As I go on you will understand what I mean by that.

The plan was that my wife, dad and I would drive down from Washington to meet my uncle in Reno and then head up to the event. We were in a 2004 Dodge Grand caravan and it was loaded well beyond capacity with all of our provisions. Even the top was stacked up with about three feet of stuff.

You need to take a lot of stuff to a thing like this because nothing is provided for you. All of your infrastructure, food, water and other supplies are up to you.

So there we were, 670 miles from home with a car that needed a new engine. Not to mention all the stuff that was packed into that car. Our hearts sunk…we didn’t know what we were going to do.

We got on the internet and started looking for adequate replacement vehicles we could buy locally. We found some, but they were all way out of our budget. We drove around in my uncles pickup to several car lots and got the same result.

I gotta tell you, it was a bit stressful. Now we were driving straight out into the desert in a car we bought from a junk yard. We didn’t know if we would make it or not. All we had was hope in that moment. Hope, and the knowledge that whatever happened…there would still be options.

So I encourage everyone to seek out the wisdom of men older than you. Wether they are family, a neighbor, or someone you meet on the street—take the time to hear them. Take advantage of their stories and experience and put it to work in your own life.

Utilizing the experience, wisdom, and knowledge of men older than you is a very effective human strategy, it has been working since our species began. It’s also another tool to use while you are being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to check me out on Facebook and Twitter. Write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me how much you missed me, or ask me a question or whatever you want, I love getting mail from you guys. Don’t forget to get my book either if you haven’t.

Now head out into the world and be ready to appreciate the wisdom of the older gentleman who have already done the things you hope to do. Remember there are always options, and above all, keep on being a better man today than you were yesterday.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

232 – Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A Better Man

Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A better Man…

Right now you can get a substantial discount on your very own Stump Town Kilt simply by entering the code; betterman at checkout. All lower case, all one word. To get there, just type in stumptownkilts.com but whatever you do, remember to enter the code betterman at checkout.

I am not going to talk about all the causes and all the various schools of thought though. Today I’m going to narrow it down to just one subject in particular because it deals directly with men. The character of men and the behavior of men.

I just watched one of the many videos out there that show what was happening on the streets of Charlottesville VA. What I saw were grown men, cowardly men, striking a woman and knocking her down, spitting on her and screaming at her.

I saw people being hit with objects and with fists and other acts of violence. All for no reason, other than the fact that the people they were hitting had a different opinion. Or they were a different color, or they were defending someone of a different color.

Some defenders of these violent hate groups are defending them by saying that are not Nazi’s, merely disaffected, frustrated white youth asserting themselves. That might wash it it were not for the Nazi slogans, rhetoric, and salutes.

I’m not a news reporter. I’m not here to tell you what happened or what I think of it from a political perspective. I am just a guy who talks to men about trying to be better men. So I’m here to go on the record with my official statement about these hate groups.

I think every person should be proud of their ethnicity, or have the freedom to be if they want to. That does not include putting people of other ethnicities down though…that’s just stupid.

Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.

Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links.

231 – Plan Your Next Adventure!

Plan Your Next Adventure!

I don’t know about all of you out there, but I am in full blown summer schedule with everything now. You may have noticed that I have only been releasing episodes on Friday lately, that is evidence that I am super, super busy with the things that summer is demanding of me.

Besides the farm, and our property, and relatives visiting and events of all kinds to attend one thing that has had me incredibly busy lately is that I am preparing to go on an adventure. That’s right—an adventure.

The adventure I’m going on is my wife and I are bringing my 81 year old father and his 83 year old brother to the Burning Man festival in Nevada. I’m calling it the generational legacy tour of 2017.

Well, I have been to burning man once in 2015. From my experience burning man can be all of these things, or none of these things. I found that it’s really up to the person going—you get exactly the kind of experience at burning man that you design for yourself. Just like in life.

Like any city there are parts of it that I have no interest in, parts that I will avoid. There are other parts that are amazing though.

I also enjoy marveling at the things people have built. Not just the art, but the structures as well, and the amazing vehicles driving around in the desert. As a life long student of humanity, there isn’t a better place I know of to go and just witness humans, being humans.

Adventure quickens your spirit and your mind. It causes you to think and wonder. Adventure forces you to know yourself better than you would have otherwise and the better you know yourself, the better man you are capable of being.

This year, part of my adventure will be sharing the experience with the best man I know, my father. It will be a memory and experience we will share for the rest of his days.