Compassion Parenting Podcast

The Myth of Powerlessness

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 07:40:00 -0700

I’m a MN girl. I’ve sat crying on my couch at times over these last few weeks with all that’s going on, feeling powerless. But here’s what I realized. Powerlessness is a myth. Sometimes it’s in the worst of times that this myth grows especially big, because problems seem too large to tackle and fear takes over. Literally, our nervous system paralyzes us. Or sometimes causes us to hide or run, or stand and fight. Each of these responses may be protective and needed in a given context, but sometimes our actions are reflexive and make no logical sense.

I remember one specific day a few years ago when I opened our front door and a large bird flew straight into our house, rammed into the opposite window and died on our carpet. What did I do in that split second? I screamed and ran into the back bedroom closet–all in one reflexive motion. And then I emerged and asked myself, “What just happened?” My fight or flight system had taken over.

So don’t judge yourself if you feel fear and paralysis right now. But my friend, there is a stronger force to harness if you so choose. That is the force of love. The parasympathetic nervous system that invites nurturing and connection can win out.

This is true in parenting and all of life: “Love never faileth.” How can this be true? Not every initiative conceived with love “succeeds” (or brings forth the intended fruit) and truly the mere feeling of love does not solve the world’s problems. But it is a solid starting and ending point. It is the safe ground to stand upon when all else fails, when all else feels as if it’s crumbling beneath our feet.

Love as a noun is the start, but love as a verb is where all this goes.

So what does love in action look like? There may be some common themes and threads, but the beautiful reality is this. There are too many possibilities to name.

Love in action is a radical, specific act or innovation that cannot be foretold. It cannot be legislated against because it’s so specific to the situation and the individual giver and receiver, that no one can exactly predict or prohibit it.

Love is seeing a need and wisely filling it (in the way only you can because who and where you are in a given moment). Only YOU are at this exact human intersection.

Last night, love looked like making my kids waffles for dinner.

Last month, on Christmas morning, love looked like this:

We had just finished the flurry of gift opening and the family dispersed to integrate their new items and indulge in the chocolate from their respective stockings. I was alone in the kitchen listening to Christmas choral music. I looked out the window and saw a man walking alone on the empty, cold street carrying a backpack. It seemed that he moved to the beat of the song, which happened to be “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” at the moment. It was a soundtrack in a movie and the sky and mountains were the backdrop. This was a moment of internal pause; a human intersection. I could have looked away and gone back to cleaning up dishes and piles of wrapping paper, but I didn’t. I dumped the candy from my stocking, a pair of gloves, an orange, and an apple into a small brown gift bag. I threw on my coat and asked one of my teenage boys to get in the car with me. (Honestly, I was a little afraid and it made me feel safer to have him there.) He was like, “Where are we going mom?” I told him, “I saw this guy through the window walking down the road and I wanted to bring him something. I thought about how he’s someone’s son too, you know. If I was his mom, I’d want someone to do this.”

By the time we got on the road, I couldn’t see him anymore, but we kept driving along trying to predict where he may have gone. I turned into an empty grocery store parking lot, and there he was, digging in the trash can. I pulled the car up next to him and said, “Excuse me, sir. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.” I handed him the bag and we drove away. That’s it. I did not save the world that day. But when I found myself at at this crossroads, this human intersection, I chose what felt like love and it felt right.

So how will you love the world today? How will you choose love at each human intersection? This can be a tough question but it also can be an easy one, and just as reflexive as the fear response.

Viktor Frankl has taught us that, “Everything can be taken from a [person] but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Perhaps we may begin with an attitude of love. A way of love. A way of life. In our own small circles, using our own unique experience and gifts.

In case this feels too theoretical and inaccessible, here are some grounding insights from Barbara Fredrickson’s book Love 2.0:

"Love draws you out of your cocoon of self-absorption to attune to others. Love allows you to really see another person, holistically, with care, concern, and compassion".
"Love is that micro-moment of shared positive resonance... a tiny, temporary wave of good feeling that rolls through your body and the body of another".
"Love is characterized by micro moments of shared positivity, not grand gestures".

What does this have to do with Compassion Parenting, (or any type of parenting, for that matter)? Everything. Your true legacy as a parent is how you’ve taught your children to love by loving them and by loving others well. Just as you’d teach them to responsibly pick up after themselves at home, teach them by your actions to responsively care for this world, the home that they will one day inherit.

Powerlessness is a myth. Love is the answer. What will your radical act of love be today?

***

If you need some ideas for converting your love into action, here are some to consider:

-Speak up to notify your representatives about your views. The 5 Calls app can help make it easy.

-Donate to a cause that resonates with your value system. Some of my recent favorites: Pediatric Mobile Health (select "Pediatric Mobile Healthcare"), Haven Watch, STEP.

-Check on a neighbor or friend (particularly those in vulnerable groups) and see how they are doing

-Have a conversation with your kids about what's going on in the world. (See these tips for making it age-appropriate.) Recognize the influence your example has in shaping your kids' value system. Model integrity.

References: Love.2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson, 1 Cor 13

For additional parenting support, go to compassionparenting.com. Join us for a free month in the membership using the code CPFREEX1

Fostering Connection and Healthy Attachment

Tue, 03 Sep 2024 19:49:00 -0700

How do you build connection and foster healthy attachment in your family? In today's episode we'll discuss all things attachment with our guest Eli Harwood, author of "Raising Securely Attached Kids." It turns out that attachment is not just about babies and toddlers. Eli shares FOUR main areas for parents to focus on to help kids feel loved and secure. She says that as parents we need to...

1) LIGHT UP

2) SHOW UP

3) LISTEN UP &

4) MAKE UP

Take a listen to the full episode to learn the details of what these steps mean and how to apply them. You can find Eli's work @attachmentnerd and at her website attachmentnerd.com.

*If you loved this episode, join us for the upcoming moms' retreat Project CONNECT Oct 24-26th in Southern Utah! We have a few spots left :)

"Fostering Connection and Healthy Attchment" with Eli Harwood © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

Leaving a podcast review at iTunes isn't intuitive. But positive ratings are hugely important: they help the podcast get discovered by new people. Please spend 5 minutes of your time to leave a review using one of the methods below.

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Returning to Old School Wellness Practices

Thu, 04 May 2023 15:12:00 -0700

Kaylin Marcotte is the founder & CEO of JIGGY, a new jigsaw puzzle brand on a mission to modernize and elevate the humble jigsaw, and support female artists around the world. She turned her hobby into a company and has been featured on Shark Tank, Oprah's Favorite Things and won over celebrity fans including Gwyneth Paltrow, Lili Reinhart and Chrissy Teigen. Kaylin was previously the first employee at media startup theSkimm, and is an alum of Barnard College in New York City. Grab your own JIGGY puzzle and do the "puzzle test" today! Go to jiggypuzzles.com for a discount on your first order!

Download a free copy of Dr. Wilde's ebook "Finding Calm: Stress Detox for the Modern Family" HERE and find more info about her programs, including Resilience School, at drmarywilde.com.

"Returning to Old School Wellness Practices" with Kaylin Marcotte © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Playful Path to Reparenting

Fri, 07 Apr 2023 03:10:00 -0700

Suzanne Tucker, founder of Generation Mindful, is a mom of four who's been a physical therapist and parent educator for 30 years. As an author and international speaker, Suzanne's life's work is to help families create more moments of joy and connection. She believes the most impactful way to create a more just and peaceful world is to evolve how children are raised, replacing fear and shame-based practices of old with skill-building solutions that nurture secure attachment and a sense of safety and connection between the generations. Check out the Generation Mindful social-emotional learning tools, toys, and classes HERE and connect with Suzanne on IG @generationmindful.

FREE GIFT: Reparenting Summit Access

Here also is a link to Dr. Mary Wilde's memoir and parenting book Faithful Nurturing

"The Playful Path to Reparenting" with Suzanne Tucker © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Healing Power of Kindness

Sat, 25 Mar 2023 04:24:00 -0700

The Healing Power of Kindness

My friends, happy birthday! Today marks the birthday of my podcast and it also marks the birthday of my mother, so in honor of these, I thought I’d share something that’s been on my heart for over a year: a message about the Healing Power of Kindness.

Now, as a mother I’ve learned to be patient, to know that everything has its gestation–even ideas. I’ve been working for some time on a book called Compassion Parenting. And one underlying premise of the whole concept of compassion is the immense & inherent value of a human soul. Another is that kindness matters.

Let me take you on a journey through a series of stories because that’s how we learn and experience. First a story of rabbits, then candlesticks, then a blue-haired girl, and then, the story of a story.

You might be wondering why I’m telling you all these stories–this isn’t your typical parenting podcast episode. Yet kindness has everything to do with parenting. It is essential in all the most important relationships in our lives, including our relationship with ourselves.

Kindness improves health. Research tells us that being in a nurturing, kind environment can improve blood pressure, immunity, and even prolong life. This isn't to say that kindness cures all ills, but it certainly helps.

Dr. Kelli Harding, in her book, The Rabbit Effect, describes a study on rabbits performed in the 1970’s that puzzled scientists. The experiment was designed to prove that a high fat diet would lead to high cholesterol and heart disease, but when they studied the tiny blood vessels under the microscope, they found one group of rabbits who had 60% less fatty buildup in their blood vessels. They looked for any possible differences between the two groups of rabbits and the only difference they could find was in the care they’d received. The healthier group had been taken care of by a postdoc student who was naturally kind. She pet the rabbits and talked to them as she fed them and cleaned their cage, and this kindness manifested in their physiology.

As a pediatrician, I’ve seen firsthand how kindness influences mental and physical health. I see light shining from kids’ faces and in their eyes. It’s the kindness and love you have put in. It’s visible and tangible. It’s a real thing.

Kindness changes people. Most of us know the story of Les Miserables by Victor Hugo where the main character, Jean Valjean is transformed by kindness. After being imprisoned for many years for stealing a loaf of bread, Valjean is finally released but is treated like an outcast and can’t find work. He gets so desperate, he steals silver from a bishop and when he’s caught, the bishop mercifully claims the silver was a gift and proceeds to give Jean Valjean some silver candlesticks. This act of kindness changes Jean Valjean, and he dedicates his life to goodness.

Even though this story is fictional, we can all relate to it because we’ve seen or experienced the softening that can happen when kindness is extended.

But kindness doesn’t only heal others, it heals us.

Years ago, in addition to taking care of my kids, I was in the midst of caring for my mom who had recently had a stroke. I felt emotionally and physically exhausted.

During that period, as I was driving down the road, I saw a teenage girl with blue hair walking along the sidewalk. She was carrying a backpack almost as big as she was and looked like she’d fall over backwards. She held a red rose in her hand. I felt connected to her immediately, maybe because with the heaviness of what she was carrying, she looked how I felt. I pulled over next to her and asked where she was going. At first, I didn’t feel comfortable offering her a ride because I had a couple of my kids with me in my van (not to mention two cinnamon-colored chairs I was transporting), but I offered to drive her backpack there. She pointed out a bus stop down the street and loaded it in.

I met her at the bus stop with her backpack, but maybe because she had trusted me, I felt I could trust her. I asked her where she was headed on the bus and offered to take her there. While we drove, we talked and when I dropped her off she gave me the red rose. My heart felt happy and I think both of our burdens felt lighter.

For a long time I wondered how it could be so healing to give this stranger a ride, but several years later I found my answer in a small book called Connecting with Eternity by Forest Dalton. He writes, “The essence of happiness is union. The essence of suffering is separation….Acts of kindness help to liberate us from self-serving behavior, and in the process they help to liberate us from being stuck in the dimension of time. Every act of kindness creates a link between the dimension of time and the eternal now.”

Kindness not only connects us to each other, but it frees us from the constraints of time and situation. It connects us to something bigger.

But we’re imperfect. We’re not always kind. This calls for another layer of compassion–a healing balm for our humanness. It also requires repair work, forgiveness, grace, and sometimes leaves unanswered questions and loose ends.

Still, what needs to happen always happens in time. In fact, I could only finish this podcast episode because of a surprise gift that came in the mail yesterday. A padded goldenrod envelope held the ending of this episode, the closure of an unfinished idea. It was a beautiful children’s book “The Birthday of the World” signed and sent by the author herself (Dr. Rachel Remen) after an online conversation we shared.

In this book, Dr. Remen tells a story her grandfather told her about how the world came to be. He described how light pierced the darkness and broke into millions of pieces entering you and me and all things.

On this birthday of my podcast and birthday of my mother, I’ll read a brief excerpt from, The Birthday of the World:

“When we are kind to people

Or listen to them

Or believe in them

Or love them

Or help them realize their deepest dreams

We help their spark grow bigger and brighter, until their light shines out and fills up the world again…

One spark at a time we can change the world back to the way it was at the beginning—whole and filled with light.”

This is kindness. This is parenthood.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Connecting Power of a Collaborative Approach

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 20:14:00 -0700

Vivek Patel is a conscious parenting mentor, a student of life, an artist, dancer, martial artist, writer, poet, jewelry designer and Dad! Through his own conscious exploration, he developed a non-coercive, collaborative parenting approach which he now teaches to parents around the globe. His main wish is to help parents have closer relationships with their kids. Vivek is the founder of @meaningfulideas on IG, FB, YouTube, and Twitter and is a sought-after speaker & podcast guest.

"The Connecting Power of a Collaborative Approach" © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Restoring Family Peace Through Conflict Resolution

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 23:56:00 -0700

Hesha Abrams, Esq. is an internationally acclaimed master attorney mediator known for crafting highly creative settlements and resolutions in very difficult matters. By "holding the calm," she has created settlements worth billions of dollars and saved clients billions more using her innovative approaches to deal making. In her book, "Holding the Calm: the Secret to Resolving Tension and Defusing Conflicts," she shares the secrets that can help us as parents know how to prevent explosions, disarm conflicts, and reduce drama. You can find out more about Hesha at HoldingtheCalm.com and sign up for her monthly newsletter!

"Restoring Family Peace Through Conflict Resolution" with Hesha Abrams © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Creating a Family Culture of Giving

Fri, 06 Jan 2023 06:57:00 -0700

Stephanie L. Jones gave a gift every day for 522 days, and that journey changed her life. Now she's on a mission to inspire others to give and practice gratitude daily. She hosts an inspiring podcast, Giving Your Best Life, focused on ways to incorporate giving, gratitude, & goals into daily living. As a TEDx speaker, she loves sharing her message from the stage in schools, colleges, churches, and businesses. Stephanie is a best-selling and award-winning author of six books. She lives out her dreams with her hubby, Mike, in Indiana. You can follow Stephanie on IG @giving_gal and find her books, her Giving Challenge, and her TEDx at givinggal.com.

"Creating a Family Culture of Giving" with Stephanie Jones © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Helping Kids Learn to Listen

Fri, 18 Nov 2022 04:41:00 -0700

Today's guest, Nicholeen Peck, is a worldwide phenomenon and leader. Her proven parenting principles and self-government skills transform all children, from tantruming toddlers to even the most troubled teens. The world saw this in 2009 when the BBC, in England, featured her and her family in a documentary called The World’s Strictest Parents. The Peck family episode became the “most watched episode ever” because of the amazing transformation their calm parenting approach brought about in the troubled British teens who stayed in their home. Over the years, the Peck family had a lot of practice parenting troubled teens as foster parents for treatment foster children.

Nicholeen knows that to change the heart of one child, parents must have a parenting heart-change first. So, for the past 23 years she has spent her life helping parents learn the skills that they need to unite the hearts in their families. She’s the author of 11 books, including her best selling book Parenting A House United, and her very popular children’s book series that teach the Four Basic Self-Government Skills to children. She is a sought after speaker around the globe and even consults at global congresses and the Untied Nations as she tries to protect children and women as well as strengthen families. You can learn more from Nicholeen on her YouTube channel “Teaching Self-Government,” on the “Teaching Self-Government Podcast,” and at her website teachingselfgovernment.com.

"Helping Kids Learn to Listen" with Nicholeen Peck © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

How to Choose the Best College & Pay For It

Thu, 06 Oct 2022 21:18:00 -0700

Brad Baldridge is a College Funding Specialist, blogger, and podcaster who has helped thousands of families plan and save for college with smart and proven strategies to save time, money and stress. You can find a link to the resources Brad spoke about in the podcast HERE, including an "Expected Family Contribution Calculator" and a list of "Net Costs of Colleges by State."

Check out Brad's podcast "Taming the High Cost of College" and connect with him on the following platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TamingTheHighCostOfCollege/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bradbaldridge/

Compassion Parenting Podcast "How to Choose the Best College and Pay for it" © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Calming Big Emotions and Creating Connection

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 04:56:00 -0700

Tina Feigal holds a Master's Degree in School Psychology and has been coaching parents on improving challenging child behaviors since 2000. She has also trained over 600 parent coaches from the US, Canada, Greece, Mauritius, and Japan. She's the author of the paperback and audiobook, "Present Moment Parenting: The Guide to a Peaceful Life with Your Intense Child" and co-author of the e-book "Healing the Heart of Your Traumatized Child." Tina's TEDx Talk is "How to Stop Meltdowns and Gain Kids' Cooperation." She has made TV, radio, & podcast appearances and presented at national conferences. You can connect with Tina on her website parentingmojo.com, on Facebook, or LinkedIn. Her TEDx "How to Stop Kids' Meltdowns and Gain Their Cooperation" can be found HERE.

Tina has generously offered our audience members a FREE 20-min consult that can be requested by emailing her at tfeigal@anufs.org.

"Calming Big Emotions and Creating Connection" with Tina Feigal © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Balancing Stress & Motivation in High Achievers

Tue, 13 Sep 2022 23:47:00 -0700

Ned Johnson is an author, speaker, and founder of PrepMatters, an educational company providing academic tutoring, educational planning, and standardized test preparation. A professional “tutor-geek” since 1993 and battle-tested veteran of test prep, stress regulation and student performance, Ned has spent nearly 50,000 one-on-one hours helping students conquer an alphabet of standardized tests, learn to manage their anxiety, and develop their own motivation to succeed

With Dr. William Stixrud, Ned co-authored The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives and also What Do You Say? How To Talk With Kids To Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home.

Ned is the host of the PrepTalks podcast: conversations with parenting and education experts. A sought-after speaker and teen coach on study skills, sleep deprivation, parent-teen dynamics, and test anxiety, and his work is featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, BBC, and many others.

You can get the Top Ten Tips from "The Self-Driven Child" HERE

Website: theselfdrivenchild.com

Twitter: @NedJohnson

Tiktok: TheOtherNedJohnson

https://www.facebook.com/groups/selfdrivenchild

"Balancing Stress and Motivation in High Achievers" with Ned Johnson © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Help for Parents of Picky Eaters

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 23:30:00 -0700

Dr. Kay Toomey is a Pediatric Psychologist who has worked with children who don’t eat for almost 35 years. She has developed the SOS Approach to Feeding as a family-centered program for assessing and treating children with feeding problems. Dr. Toomey speaks nationally and internationally about her approach. Dr. Toomey helped to form The Children’s Hospital – Denver’s Pediatric Oral Feeding Clinic, as well as the Rose Medical Center’s Pediatric Feeding Center. To learn more about Dr. Toomey's programs, go to sosapproachtofeeding.com.

Helpful resources mentioned in the interview include the "Picky Eater vs. Problem Feeder" questionnaire, the 2-hour workshop for parents, and an additional website feedingmatters.org.

"Help for Parents of Picky Eaters" with Dr. Kay Toomey © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Finding Joy by Embracing the Ordinary

Sun, 04 Sep 2022 01:26:00 -0700

Dr. Ronald Siegel is an Assistant Professor of Psychology, part time, at Harvard Medical

School, where he has taught for over 35 years. He's a longtime student of mindfulness meditation and serves on the Board of Directors and faculty of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy. He teaches internationally about the application of mindfulness practice in psychotherapy and other fields, and maintains a private clinical practice in Lincoln, Massachusetts. Dr. Siegel has written and edited many books, including "The Mindfulness Solution: Everyday Practices for Everyday Problems" and his newest title, "The Extraordinary Gift of Being Ordinary: Finding Happiness Right Where You Are." You can connect with Dr. Siegel and learn more about his work at drronsiegel.com.

To access the ebook by Dr. Mary Wilde "Parenting with FLOW: Reconnecting with natural delight, focus, & productivity" click HERE.

To register for the upcoming "Parenting Anxious Kids" Workshop with Dr. Mary Wilde, click HERE.

"Finding Joy by Embracing the Ordinary" with Dr. Ron Siegel © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Nurturing Independence so Kids Can Flourish

Sat, 13 Aug 2022 00:37:00 -0700

Lenore Skenazy is the author of Free Range Kids and co-founder of the non-profit organization "Let Grow" which promotes healthy independence in childhood through programs, education, & advocacy. She's been featured on NPR, Fox News, and "everything in between" to spread the message of kids' innate resilience. You can learn more about the Let Grow Project HERE! As your participate, Lenore invites you to share your experience with her directly at lenore@letgrow.org.

Here is the link to her famous article, "Why I Let My 9-year-old Ride the Subway Alone," that spiraled Lenore into the national spotlight and sparked the Free-Range Kids movement.

Compassion Parenting Podcast episode 14: "Nurturing Independence so Kids Can Flourish" © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Counting the Days and Making the Days Count

Fri, 29 Jul 2022 09:16:00 -0700

Nellie Harden is a Family Life & Leadership Coach. She focuses on helping parents eliminate power struggles with their children and help them grow into confident, wise, and respectful adults that are actually ready for the world!

She is a wife and mom to 4 daughters, author, speaker and podcaster, homeschooling parent and adventure chaser. She has a degree in biology and psychology and knows that they best way to help the world is through one living room at a time!

Connect with Nellie at nellieharden.com or on IG @nellieharden! She has wonderful resources to share, including the Family Architect's Club (where families participate in the 6570 Family Project) and Ignite Her Joy (a workshop for parents of tween or tween daughters).

Also mentioned on this episode is the essay "Meeting Them at the Bottom of the Slide" by Dr. Mary Wilde, which was recorded as a podcast and can be found HERE.

Compassion Parenting Podcast Episode: "Counting the Days and Making the Days Count" © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Everyday Resilience as "Being Okay"

Tue, 22 Mar 2022 16:58:00 -0700

Today's guest, Dr. Robyne Hanley-Defoe, is a multi-award-winning education and psychology instructor, author, and resiliency expert. She's described as one of the most sought-after, engaging, thought-provoking, and truly transformative international speakers and scholars in her field.

Dr. Robyne has over 16 years of university teaching and research experience and brings a refreshing and researched-informed perspective to our understanding and practices of resiliency and wellness. Dr. Robyne’s work is accessible and relatable while offering practical strategies that are realistic and sustainable.

Dr. Robyne’s latest book is entitled Calm Within The Storm: A Pathway to Everyday Resiliency. Her website can be accessed HERE.

The Compassion Parenting Podcast © Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Time Travel: A Unique Path to Self-Compassion

Fri, 14 Jan 2022 07:24:00 -0700

Mike Iskandar is on a mission to solve the epidemic of self-doubt, anxiety, and depression that strikes during adolescence and lasts decades into adulthood.

He is the founder of Time Travel Journeys--a breakthrough SEL program that guides teens and tweens on an exploration of the best qualities of their past and future selves, and how those discoveries can uplift their present sense of self in ways that boost self compassion, self confidence, and social connection.

His endeavor (recently featured on the stage of TEDxNCSU) began with a “time travel journey” of his own--a unique one-year research project in which he interviewed 40 people from ages 1 to 40 about what it’s like to be the age that they are. It was through this project that Mike discovered an unconventional path to self development, which has been implemented in schools and organizations as a curriculum, workshop, summer camp, and team-building retreat.

Mike is from Durham, NC, and has degrees in Journalism and Sociology from The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He’s traveled to over 40 countries across 6 continents and has a strange affinity for silent meditation retreats and green smoothies.

Listen to Mike's TEDx talk HERE. Connect with Mike or learn more about his program at https://www.timetraveljourneys.com/.

The Compassion Parenting Podcast hosted by Mary Illions Wilde, MD. It's been named as one of the top compassion podcasts by Feedspot!

Connect with Dr. Mary:

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Why's & How's of Cooking with Your Kids

Mon, 22 Nov 2021 16:10:00 -0700

Katie Kimball, the national voice of healthy kids cooking, is a blogger, TEDx speaker, former teacher, and mom of 4 kids who founded the Kids Cook Real Food eCourse, recommended by The Wall Street Journal in 2020 as the best online cooking class for kids. Her blog, Kitchen Stewardship helps families stay healthy without going crazy, and she’s on a mission to connect families around healthy food, raise critical thinking skills using the lab of curiosity that is the kitchen, and grow the Kids' Meal Revolution where every child learns to cook.

Check out Katie's recent TEDx talk HERE.

**Katie is gifting our listeners her knife skills mini-course for kids.** Access the FREE course HERE.

If you'd like some additional guidance in helping your kids join in the holiday baking this season, check out this affordable Kids Holiday Baking course too!

You can also find Katie on social media in the following places:

https://www.instagram.com/kidscookrealfood

http://facebook.com/kidscookrealfood/

http://facebook.com/kitchenstewardship

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

A Compassionate Approach to ADHD

Fri, 17 Sep 2021 17:54:00 -0700

In today's episode we welcome Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, a clinical psychologist, researcher, and author who specializes in ADHD. We discuss the importance of a compassionate, strength-based approach to help our kids reach their potential, maintain emotional health, and feel valued.

Lara Honos-Webb, PhD is a clinical psychologist licensed in California. She is author of Six Super Skills for Executive Functioning: Tools to Help Teens Improve Focus, Stay Organized, and Reach Their Goals (2020), Brain Hacks, The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens, Listening to Depression. Her work has been featured in USA Today, Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, U.S. News & World Report, The Chicago Tribune, and more. Honos-Webb completed a two-year postdoctoral research fellowship at University of California, San Francisco, and has been an assistant professor for graduate students. She has published 26 scholarly articles. Her website is www.addisagift.com

To access the Mind Building course to learn how to apply the "Six-Super Skills for Executive Functioning" with your child, click HERE.

xo, Mary Illions Wilde, MD

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

How Giving a TED Talk Relates to Parenting: 10 Tips for Both Worlds

Wed, 08 Sep 2021 16:01:00 -0700

Recently I had the amazing opportunity to give a TED talk. I got to stand on the famous round, red carpet on the TEDx stage in Gainesville FL and share an “idea worth spreading.” On one hand, I couldn’t believe I was there, yet on the other, it was the most natural thing—the most logical endpoint of the steps I had taken. That’s sort of how parenting is… Every moment we stand on a figurative navigational bubble saying “you are here.” We’ve landed where we are through a series of a thousand choices and circumstances (both in and out of our control).

My talk? It’s entitled “Compassion Parenting: Transcending the Myth of Perfect Conditions.”

Since my talk, my work, & my life all center around parenting, I naturally looked at my TEDx experience through that lens. Here are 10 “take home” lessons I learned from giving a TEDx talk that apply equally to parenting.

First,

Learn by doing. The idea of stepping onto a TEDx stage was absolutely not comfortable to me. All the workshops, summits, podcasts and other speaking venues I had been a part of were preparation, but in order to become a TEDx speaker, I had to step on a TEDx stage before really feeling “ready.” I had to accept unknowns and imperfections and just trust myself to navigate the experience in real time. No one ever feels entirely ready to do something big or new.

I’ve had several people tell me they’re afraid to have kids. While I would hope that fear wouldn’t be the pervading experience, an awareness of the hugeness of the task is appropriate and actually much more a sign of readiness than overconfidence.

In my book, “Faithful Nurturing,” I say it this way: “Motherhood, like life in general, is schoolhouse to the soul; the learning comes experientially. The unsettling reality is that we must keep being mothers while still learning how—it is the only way one really does learn how.”

Now for #2

Start from a place of humility. When I applied to give my TED talk, I thought I had a great idea. But a few weeks before the event, my talk sort of blew up in my face and I realized it needed a major overhaul. In order to go forward, I had to start from a place of not knowing.

In parenting, we often start out thinking we know how things are going to go, but reality takes unexpected turns. When our preconceived notions don’t play out the way we thought, and we have to back up or start over, this is the beginning of true wisdom. Some call this a “child’s mind” or a “beginner’s mind” because it expands the realm of possibility and allows us to approach a challenge with curiosity and openness. It’s like the old quote says (attributed to various people): “Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.” Do you relate?

Number 3…

Use the time you have (to get to what’s most important). Though I dreamed of giving a TEDx talk, when I actually got the chance, I realized how daunting a task it really was. I had to decide what I considered to be the most important message for parents all over the world and then communicate it in 15 minutes.

In reality, just about everything we do is time-bound. Though once a parent, we’re always a parent, every stage is fleeting. We have a limited window to transmit what we know & to experience time with our kids. I remember reading a parenting book that estimated the number of dinners a parent would likely make over the course of a child’s life—it was a big, big number--but to suddenly realize that our shared family dinners are finite made me want to cherish each one. We also have a limited number of bedtimes, summer vacations, and just ordinary days together. To me it’s not a count down, but a reminder to make it count…

Number 4…

Seek out and accept help. I’m so grateful to the many people who helped me get ready for my TED talk. For the last 2 weeks, my sister met me over zoom everyday at 7am so I could practice. Certain friends and relatives read drafts or listened to run-throughs and gave feedback. My son’s drama teacher gave me some coaching and let me practice in front of the class (a little embarrassing for my son, but he was pretty gracious about it!) Each person had something different to offer and contributed to how my talk evolved. At the end of the day, though, it was up to me to decide what advice to listen to.

The same goes for parenting. We’re so much better off when we take the “village” approach—when we can surround ourselves with a supportive community of people who want the best for us. Still, no matter what help or advice is offered, it’s our call, because we know our kids best.

Next…

Don’t compare yourself. Initially, when I looked at examples of slides from other TED talks, I felt self-conscious. Theirs seems so polished and mine looked more like a photo album. But then I realized they were giving a different kind of talk. If I had used stock images, the talk would have become less personal and less meaningful.

In parenting, there are good reasons our parenting looks different from our friends’, our neighbors’, or our other family members’ parenting. We are different parents raising different kids in different contexts.

Number 6:

Learn by observation (and make a study of the possibilities). In my preparation, I watched a lot of TED talks and noted what I liked and didn’t. I couldn’t copy someone else’s talk style and make it mine even if I had wanted to—it just doesn’t work that way--but I could learn. Some of my favorites were by Valerie Kaur, Brene Brown, & Amy Cuddy. Watching their talks helped me clarify what I was really aiming for. Other talks seemed overly staged (like they were being read off an inward teleprompter). I knew I didn’t want that. My favorite talks were personal, yet grounded in science or history, and used metaphor and story in powerful ways. Hopefully I achieved that—you’ll have to listen and judge for yourself.

In parenting, learn from everyone around you. Notice what other parents do—their tone, their words, their systems—and how their kids respond. Things may not work the same in your family, but notice what you like and don’t like and think about why. Soak it all in and let these observations inform your own choices as a parent.

Next…

Play off your unique strengths. As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t want to give a talk that felt stuffy YET, I knew I couldn’t rely on a completely conversational style because I wanted to carefully choose my words. With a background more in writing than speaking, I knew I needed to memorize my talk word for word, but then know it so well that I could deliver it naturally. This worked for me much better than giving a speech from a bulleted outline.

As a parent, I’m pretty “go-with-the-flow”; strict routines and schedules have never worked well for me. Rather than beating myself up over that, I try to accept it. I divide my day into loose segments and have a running “to-do” list that isn’t bound by calendar days (except when necessary). I commit to ballpark times rather than clock times and that helps cut down on my stress.

Number 8:

Walk your talk. Since my TEDx talk was all about showing up to parenting with grounding, love, and presence, I knew I had to show up to my talk that way too. While speaking, I tuned in to feel the stage beneath my feet and was conscious about my breathing. As my fellow speakers will attest, I was backstage doing yoga poses and smelling my Chapstick to keep myself present and grounded in my body. I thought of my audience as real people—mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons who sometimes struggle, who perhaps have experienced trauma, who could play a role in healing themselves and others. I connected with a sense of compassion for everyone listening that night or who would listen.

In parenting too, it rarely works to preach one thing and do another. (Kids and especially teens can detect hypocrisy a mile away.) That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect before we expect anything from our kids, but it does mean we have to be working at the things we say we value. As Dorothy Nolte’s famous poem states, “Children Learn What They Live”—they internalize not only what parents say, but who they experience their parents to be.

Number 9:

Show up (despite limitations and imperfect conditions). The night before the TEDx event, we had rehearsal that started at 10:30 pm at a rundown (yet charming) theater that wasn’t even the actual venue. This wasn’t ideal, but by showing up, I was able to be inspired by the creative, articulate people who I’d be sharing the stage with the next day and get a bit more practice.

Parenting conditions are rarely ideal either. There may be physical or mental health struggles, financial issues, societal problems, pandemics, but we still parent “forward”—looking to who our kids can become and doing our best in the circumstances we’re in.

And lastly…

Make it fun. As we waited for our TEDx event to start, I enjoyed connecting with the other speakers. Some of us stood in the bathroom touching up our hair and make-up like high school students getting ready for a dance. We shared our stories and encouraged each other. After the talk, I loved mingling with the audience and having people share how my talk impacted them or made them think of things in a new way. Then for a few days, I visited my cousin in Boca Raton. We ate amazing food, sat on the beach, and took a boat ride. This was a huge treat for a mom that rarely eats out, lives in a desert, and spends much of my time supervising other people’s fun.

Parenting can be fun too. It doesn’t have to be something we endure or put off “living” to do. As Emily Dickinson says, “Forever is composed of Nows.” Everyday, regular, beautiful “nows.”

Yesterday, my 5-year-old ran in to get me to see a beautiful sunset. We sat together in our driveway and enjoyed it just for a few minutes. May you also experience the joy of parenting as you:

Learn by doing.

Start from a place of humility.

Use the time you have.

Seek out and accept help.

Avoid comparing yourself.

Learn by observation.

Play off your unique strengths

Walk your talk

Show up and

Have fun.

Watch my TEDx talk and let me know what resonates with you. Here's a link: https://www.ted.com/talks/mary_wilde_compassion_parenting_transcending_the_myth_of_perfect_conditions

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Compassion Parenting Retreat and "Loving Bigger"

Fri, 07 May 2021 02:15:00 -0700

A lot has happened since we last talked. For one thing, we had our first annual Compassion Parenting retreat. In this, a dream of mine was realized; a seed was planted that will grow over the coming years.

Since not all of you could be with us at the retreat, let me give you a glimpse of how it went. Eleven moms and two dads gathered for 7 hours of instruction over the course of 2 days to workshop together about parenting. Some flew in for the event, others were local, but what we all shared (from the beginning) was a dedication to parenting and a wish to be at our best for it. The theme of the conference was developing a “grounded, loving presence.”

You may wonder what that is, so let me explain by telling you a seemingly unrelated story...

After finishing residency, I had a sort of personal renaissance and started taking voice lessons again. I literally felt like part of me had gone dormant for the last 5 clinical years of my medical training and I wanted to bring it back “alive.” My teacher was Audrey Stottler, who had made her career at the San Francisco Opera. Being analytical and methodical, I would ask detailed questions about diction, pronunciation, & ornamentation and she would routinely put them off. She once told me, “Mary, singing is not about that. Walk away from your music. Forget the words. Until you get the underlying sound right the details don’t matter. But yet WHEN you get the sound right, you’ll be able to sing anything--you won’t even need words, and you’ll draw your audience in naturally.”

Parenting is like that too. So many parents seem to want a list of tips or a script to read from. They get lost and almost paralyzed in the details, but parenting isn’t about that. Until you get a solid foundation in place, all the tips, tricks, and theories in the world won’t get you very far. The foundation I’m referring to is a grounded, loving presence and when you develop it, your kids will naturally be drawn to you; many things will fall into place automatically.

Grounded, loving presence is the basis of effective parenting. When you learn to be grounded, you’ll be able to respond wisely, without overreaction. When you operate from love, that intention will carry you (even if the words don’t come out exactly right, even if you make mistakes). When you allow yourself to be truly present, you’ll have stronger bonds built upon a shared history AND more observational data to inform your decisions. Being present will also allow you to enjoy parenting more, because the present moment is the only time we really have to receive and take things in--to see, hear, and feel our children near us.

About the retreat, participants said:

“I loved the open discussions, the yoga, & all the resources you shared.”

“I wish it was longer!”

“I loved being with other parents who are also wanting to be intentional and improve.” And,

“Being a part of Compassion Parenting has been very uplifting, insightful, inspiring, & empowering.”

One participant did say, “I want more specifics!” (just like I did in my voice lessons). Don’t we all, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re ready to move on to specifics once we get the foundation right…

Not that any of us will be perfectly grounded, perfectly loving, or perfectly present, but learning the skills to be so MORE of the time is the first step to transforming our families in powerful ways.

The Compassion Parenting program has 6 main pillars: vision, love, presence, grounding, growth, & joy. We begin every gathering we have by assessing where we’re at in each of these areas. (And yes, we do get to some specifics too!)

In association with the retreat, we went on a hike in beautiful Snow Canyon State Park where we were led in yoga by a wonderful instructor and outdoor adventure guide (see https://www.granogi.com). As we laid our mats on the hard, somewhat uneven ground, it became a metaphor of the imperfectness inherent in parenting--how we often need to make adjustments to find balance. As we looked at the landscape and the sky, we saw how certain aspects stayed steady and others kept changing. That’s parenting too--such a moving target, yet the foundations stay the same.

As a group of parents at the retreat, we literally laughed together and cried together. We laughed because of those crazy predicaments and scenarios we can find ourselves in as parents. We cried because one of our members recently lost a child--the unthinkable occurrence, a parent’s greatest imaginable sorrow.

With permission, I’d like to share about young Cami who passed away. She was a 9-year-old with big feelings, which could be difficult but also wonderful. Cami was known for her spunky, loving nature. In her honor, Cami’s family invited the community to participate in a #lovebigger challenge and to share stories of how Cami’s memory inspired them to showed more love.

So here goes. This week, remembering Cami helped me #lovebigger in a few ways. First, it helped me love myself bigger. I got an eye infection a few weeks ago, which made it so I couldn’t wear my contacts or any make-up to a few major events. Initially I felt self-conscious, but then remembered hearing how Cami had overcome her self-consciousness about wearing glasses at school. After discovering The Girls With Glasses Show (created by Brooke White & Summer Bellessa), Cami & her mom got the idea to buy her entire class their own pair of glasses from the dollar store and then, for the girls, follow a “glitter glasses” tutorial to add some extra sparkle.

Remembering Cami has also helped me appreciate my kids more this week. The recent words of Cami’s mom have been replaying in my mind, ““Let’s show a little more love. Hold your loved ones close!”

Though the official #lovebigger challenge has ended, may it never end. Every day, let us choose to put on our figurative glitter glasses, so we can see the magic right before our eyes.

I’ll close with the famous words from the classic play “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder:

“I can’t look at everything hard enough. . . . Just for a moment now we’re all together...just for a moment we’re happy. Let’s look at one another.”

*If you have a daughter who's reluctant to wear glasses, consider following Cami's lead and making some glitter glasses with your family or with your child's class. Here's the tutorial https://thegirlswithglasses.com/how-to-diy-glitter-glasses. If you have stories to share about how this episode has prompted you to #lovebigger, please share them with me on IG@drmarywilde. I'll pass on the messages to Cami's family.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Seasons: On Sickness & Health (part 2)

Fri, 16 Apr 2021 10:00:00 -0700

The Compassion Parenting Podcast Hosted by Dr. Mary Wilde

Episode 6 - Seasons: On Sickness & Health (part 2)

I recently saw a social media post that said “Maybe you think someone doesn’t have a lot on their plate compared to you. But maybe their plate is smaller than yours and doesn’t have a lot of room to begin with. Or maybe their plate is paper, and their flimsy paper plate can’t hold as much as your sturdy ceramic plate.” @thehappyslothclub (Jan 18, 2021) Another mom shared the post and added, “My flimsy paper plate is wet and soggy. HBU?” @lessonsfromtheminivan (Jan 23, 2021)

Our capacity for outward things fluctuates day-by-day, partly based on our emotional and physical state and the intensity of the needs around us. In these fluctuations, there’s always room for compassion. Compassion for ourselves and compassion for others. So often we’re carrying more than even we ourselves realize. And doing a pretty amazing job of it too, all things considered.

In parenting, one circumstance that can take a major toll is illness. Last week we talked with Micah, who has a son with a chronic health issue. She shared her perspective and suggested ways to effectively support parents in her situation. (Make sure you go back and listen if you didn’t catch it!)

In today’s episode you’ll meet Jenny, a single mom with 3 daughters who deals with her own debilitating illness. Jenny suffers from recurrent seizures and hemiplegic migraines. I first met Jenny when I volunteered (along with other women in our church congregation) to help make sure she took her medications on certain days when her daughters weren’t available. Little did I know that she’d become a good friend with so much to teach me.

In our interview, I asked Jenny what she learned navigating parenting in the context of her own health issues. Listen especially for the story of the plant stand and think of what it could symbolize. Here’s the interview:

[recorded interview]

I loved the insights Jenny shared. These are the notes I took from her words:

Trust that life itself will teach your kids important lessons

Know that your kids may be more capable than you give them credit for.

Instead of micromanaging, look at the bigger picture.

Show appreciation, even when your kids have just done the bare minimum.

Hold onto your enthusiasm, not just with young children, but with teenagers too.

Even amidst the struggle, look for miracles.

Laugh together every day.

Trust each other; trust God.

And finally, and perhaps most importantly, you are never alone. Even those times you thought you were will prepare you to lift someone else’s burden, perhaps on a Sunday afternoon in a Walmart parking lot.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Seasons: On Sickness & Health (part 1)

Thu, 08 Apr 2021 07:45:00 -0700

Health is one of those strange things we define more in terms of its absence than its presence. When we suddenly become aware of a body part or body function, it’s often because something is wrong. When everything’s fine, we’re ignorant of the seamless and detailed inner workings--of how much is going right behind the scenes to make it so.

In writing my first parenting book, I realized that so many of the things we worry about as parents really have nothing to do with our main work. We worry whether our meal rotation is interesting enough, or if our kids should be in this soccer program or that one, or which color to paint the living room. These decisions can matter, but they are not the center of parenting. They’re niceties, elaborations, extras, which make their way to the foreground only because, thankfully, there’s nothing more pressing.

In the next couple episodes, however, I’d like to talk about parenting in times when there are more pressing things, specifically times of significant illness. On this podcast, periodically I’ll invite guests who have expertise to share, either because of their official credentials or their lived experience. That’s the case for today’s episode & the next, where I’ll share excerpts from my interviews with two amazing women whose parenting journeys have been touched by illness. I’ve been personally inspired by these moms, and I think you’ll be too. This week, I’ll be talking with Micah, mom of 4, whose youngest son Marcus has experienced ongoing complications after having meningitis as a newborn.

Here’s our interview:

[recorded interview]

I’m so grateful to Micah for sharing her story with us. Whether we’re in a season of sickness or health, we can glean these important lessons:

-to consider scaling back

-to allow ourselves to be human

-to give ourselves time for emotional recovery

-to be intentional about finding healing

Also, we can help others by:

-acknowledging them & their situations

-communicating authentically, and

-making the commitment to practice compassion. (And practice means we might not always get it right the first time!)

Join me next week for part II of Seasons: On Sickness & Health, where I’ll be talking with Jenny who has raised 3 wonderful daughters despite her own debilitating illness.

Notes:

link to Brené Brown's talk on empathy vs. sympathy https://brenebrown.com/videos/rsa-short-empathy

*On an earlier episode I spoke of compassion as being somewhat different than empathy and perhaps more sustainable. This was not to discount the value of empathy as a tool to attune to others.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Seasons of Motherhood: Meeting them at the Bottom of the Slide

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 05:45:00 -0700

Motherhood comes in seasons, and as a mom to a large family I experience several seasons simultaneously. I miss the days of the slow steady rocking and the baby on my hip, but still I have a preschooler begging to play cars and a grown son waiting to hear about grad school.

There’s so much talk about child development, but what about mother development? It surely goes on too.

I can sense that I’m different than I was when I first became a mom, hopefully more for better than for worse. I’ve covered a lot of parenting ground, but many more seasons are ahead. I recently calculated that I’d spent over 120,000 waking hours in active parenting. Based on the popularized idea of the 10,000 hour rule*, that would make me an expert right? Except in parenting, the target keeps changing and by the time we master one stage, it’s passed, and we’re on to a new challenge.

In today’s episode I’ll share an essay I wrote that was published about a year ago in various places. It was inspired by a conversation I had with my oldest son. It’s entitled, “Meeting them at the Bottom of the Slide.”

Meeting Them at the Bottom of the Slide

Have you ever noticed that when you take your kid to the park and you’re there to meet them at the bottom of the slide, they could go down a hundred times? Here they come with a smile, hair blowing back, arms outstretched, and you catch them. It’s like a celebration and reunion all in one. But when you go to the park with the ladies, and you stand and talk, all the kids get bored of the playground after a few trips down the slide. There is something magical in being cherished and celebrated that brings freshness and courage.

When I was a little girl, every day when I got home from morning kindergarten, my mom would greet me with a lunch tray. On it was a sandwich, usually butter and peanut butter, and a red plastic cup filled with milk. I’d eat my lunch and then we’d watch “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.” My mom came to all my junior high basketball games and cheered for me. (At the highest scoring game of my career, I made 4 points). She came to visit me in college and sat down to read my honors thesis cover-to-cover. When I was in medical school, she flew across the country to hear me present at a symposium in Carmel, California and we walked along the rocky beach and gathered shells and watched the sea lions. My mom gave me space to have my own experience, but was always there to reunite and celebrate. She believed in me to near ridiculous proportions, seeing no bounds to my potential or opportunities. In her mind, nothing was “out of my league.” For instance, once we went to the symphony to hear the famous Joshua Bell play a violin concerto. I overheard her telling someone, “You know, I always thought my daughter would marry Joshua Bell someday.” The other concertgoer raised her eyebrows and said, “Oh! Were they dating?” “No, they’ve never met,” my mom admitted. Minor detail. My actual husband, with whom I’m raising eight beautiful boys, was the better catch for me anyway. All humor aside, my mom’s absolute devotion opened the world to me.

So, fast-forward to last week when I was on the phone with my oldest son. I was simultaneously marveling and lamenting at the seeming centrifugal force upon our family as we all grow and change. He’s at college studying opera and learning things that take him beyond what any of us will experience or understand. His brother is serving as a missionary in Thailand. He bikes around the village and eats foods we’ve never tried (and likely never will) like raw crab and fried crickets. I see the centrifugal force in operation with every son down the line, coming like an inescapable prophecy. Even my youngest, who is 4, just learned to ride a two-wheeled bike. For now he circles our cul-de-sac, but it’s only a matter of time.

Sometimes this anticipatory grief from a nest that is “emptying” makes me want to hold on too tightly. I hear other moms in my small, insular community say they’ll never let their kids venture further than the college in town. I get that, but I don’t get that. As a pediatrician with a behavioral focus, I see firsthand the so-called “failure to launch” epidemic. There are many factors at play, but perhaps one is a motherly “launch ambivalence” of which I too am guilty. We want our kids to go off and experience life, but at the same time we don’t want them to go. Author Rochelle Weinstein said, “A mother’s job is to teach her children not to need her anymore. The hardest part of that job is accepting success.” Personally, I’m in denial. I hope we’ll always need each other to some degree, because of the bonds we’ve created.

My husband and I have been intentional about teaching our kids life skills and inspiring them to independence, but their adventurousness and self-sufficiency is beyond what we have given. My instinct has been to try to do everything I can for my kids and optimize their every experience, which anthropologist David Lancy would consider a recipe for failure-to-launch. In his book, “The Anthropology of Childhood,” he writes of his work in a remote Liberian village where he observed children thriving and independent because of what he called “benign neglect”—they had no one fussing over them; rather, there was a general trust in the natural growth process. Perhaps having eight kids and the inadvertent but naturally resulting “benign neglect” has saved me from a future with eight unemployed grown men living in my basement.

It’s always a balance between stepping in and stepping back. For now, I’ll enjoy the six boys still under my roof and the two who are out venturing. I’ll cherish them, but maybe I can let go of some of that mom-guilt for not being there every single minute, because it’s actually allowing them to grow up, as painful as it feels. All my cumulative, devoted efforts thus far have helped them grow too—my efforts, plus a distillation of devotion passed through the generations.

I say believe in your kids ridiculously; believe they can do and be anything. Cherish them and hold them tightly while you have them, then let them loose onto the world’s playground. But no matter how old they get, be there to meet them at the bottom of the slide.

(Essay originally published in 2020)

Notes:

*In his book The Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell popularized the idea that spending 10,000+ hours in a given field leads to expert status in that area. His claim was based on research done by Anders Ericsson, but Ericsson himself says his research was misinterpreted by Gladwell--particularly adding the qualifier that “deliberate practice” is required, not merely putting in the time. As parents, many of us are well over the 10K mark anyway, and perhaps intentional parenting counts as deliberate practice. :)

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Seasons: On Joy & Sorrow

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 19:30:00 -0700

“Speak to us of Joy and sorrow,” the poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran writes.

“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. . . .

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

Our kids bring us so much joy, but because we have fully opened our hearts to them, they can also bring us deep sadness and frustration. There’s so much emotion in family life and often as mothers we carry much of it.

According to a Native American legend, when Woman was created, she was called life-giver-- one who would carry the joys and sorrows of her family. The woman became burdened with this responsibility and cried out to nature. She was overheard by Raven, who carried her message to Grandmother Ocean and Grandmother Moon. The grandmothers worked together to offer a time of monthly cleansing. Thus originated menstruation, sometimes referred to as “moon time,” where all the built-up emotions and burdens could be released.

As parents we can cycle through joy & sorrow in a given day, but also, certain seasons of our parenthood may be weighted more heavily toward one than another. Joy and sorrow (and everything in between)--these are parts of life, but sometimes we receive less joy than is possible & carry more sorrow than necessary.

Why?

Let’s talk first about sorrow. There is true loss which must be processed and endured.

But today we’ll focus on those other sorrows that perhaps we could modify or down-size before trying to carry. I have sudden visions of myself at the grocery store refusing to get a cart and precariously balancing 18 items in my arms on the way to the checkout aisle, or me at the library with a stack of books and no bag. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Let me offer some new tools or “containers” to help us better shoulder the burdens life can bring: wise discernment, non-judgment, and release. They’re all slightly different and you can choose the right one for the job on any given day.

First, wise discernment. In my pediatric behavioral health and wellness clinic, I teach my clients thought catching based on cognitive behavioral therapy principles. Even kids as young as 8 or 9 can learn it, and so can you. Often the thoughts driving our emotions and actions simply aren’t true. When we can be more discerning and accurate in our thinking, we can conserve our emotional energy. For example, one common thought distortion is “all or nothing” thinking. In parenting perhaps it comes out as defining ourselves either as a good mom or a bad mom depending on the circumstance. More accurately you are a dedicated mom who occasionally struggles or falls short. You are in good company.

A different tool is non-judgment, an important component of mindfulness. You may think it contradicts the idea of analysis and discernment, but actually there’s a time and a place for both. Think of it this way. When you’re struggling, sometimes you need a friend who’ll give you advice, sometimes you need a friend who’ll just sit with you. Discernment is like the wise, inspired advice you give yourself, non-judgment is sitting with yourself like a friend. There’s a time and a place for both. When you approach a scenario in a spirit of non-judgment, you shed a layer of suffering that comes from inwardly fighting against “what is.”

In the Buddhist tradition, there is the concept of the “second arrow.” When something difficult happens to us, that’s the first arrow. It may cause pain or injury but it has already struck. If our emotional response to the first injury adds to it (as when we judge ourselves for struggling or lash out at others) that’s the second arrow, which with time & skill we can learn to avoid. For example, maybe you’ve recently had a difficult interaction with one of your kids that involved conflict and escalation. That exchange could be considered the first arrow. If you then start telling yourself you’re not a good parent, that’s a second arrow that only wounds you further. Instead, you can acknowledge your sadness and sit with it, without judgment or blame, like a compassionate friend.

A third strategy to help us carry the sorrows of life more skillfully, is ironically, to release them (along with the unmet expectations that brought them about). We can hold onto expectations, but lightly, and perhaps let them go. As a young teenager, I babysat for a large family. I remember asking the mother, “How do you keep everyone happy?” She laughed and said, “I can’t! At any given time someone is upset about something.” Now as a mom to 8 kids, I know what she means. If I cling to the expectation of continual peace and pleasantness for all, I’m headed rapidly for disappointment. If instead, I hold the hope gently, without force or angst, I’m less likely to face that sorrowing disillusionment. When sorrow comes, I can hold that lightly too, instead of with a wrenching grip. I can decide how long to hold it and when to let it go.

Now we’ll shift somewhat and talk about joy, but really it’s not an “either-or” thing. A duality always exists. Any three dimensional existence has shadows, both dark and light which give each other definition. Accepting this ongoing paradox is one of the first steps to having greater joy, because then we can recognize it even when it doesn’t come as a solitary emotion.

In parenting and in life, the greatest joys become accessible only when we are present to receive them. When we’re paying attention. Much of the receiving comes through the five senses. I remember a particular joyful moment lying on the grass in the warm sunshine with my newborn resting on my chest. It was such a simple moment that happened over 10 years ago, but I can transport myself to the vividness of the experience because I was fully present for it. Even the most ordinary day holds so much richness when we are truly awake.

In addition to simple joys are the moments of arrival. I had one of these moments of bliss recently as I watched my oldest son’s senior voice recital. Because of the pandemic, no in-person audience was allowed, but I got to watch the livestream. Every music lesson I’d ever driven him to, every time I’d shared my own love of music with him, every ounce of his own effort distilled into that beautiful, meaningful hour. In the Jewish tradition, there’s a special Hebrew blessing used to mark milestones while acknowledging God’s hand in them. It is “Shehecheyanu,” saying, “Blessed are you, Ruler of the Universe. You have kept us alive and sustained us, and enabled us to reach this moment.” Though parenting is a process and a journey, it’s important to mark and celebrate the arrival points.

One more way to invite joy into your parenting is orienting yourself towards gratitude and appreciation. This last Mother’s Day, I came into the kitchen and my 8-year-old son has set up a small plastic table with two stools. The table was set with our nicer china and vase with yellow flowers. He said, “Hello Madame. Here is your menu.” and he handed me a piece of paper on which he’d written in pencil, “Fried Egg.” I said, “I’ll have the fried egg.” So he cooked each of us one and we sat down for the feast. It was such a wonderful gift. Not everyday are people treating me to breakfast, or acknowledging me, or thanking me, but every day holds large and small joys to receive. What has today brought for you?

If your child has ever brought you a handful of dandelions or small picked flowers, remember that life is giving you these small bouquets throughout the day. Every single day. May you gratefully receive them.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

Seasons: On Dormancy & Growth

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 01:00:00 -0700

As any mom, I give up multiple personal opportunities to create opportunities for my children--a truth to which they, at least for now, are quite oblivious. (And to some degree, rightly so; it’s the way of childhood). I have books to write, songs to practice, medical journals to read--I’m practically bursting to do these things--but instead spend mornings in my bathrobe insisting one son does his homework and the other practices and another picks up his toys. It’s my fair trade to make--a willing investment for the future of those I love. Yet, to never pursue anything (or to have nothing to pursue) seems an unhealthy and untrue lesson. (Faithful Nurturing, p. 157)

Motherhood can feel like one very long season, but our kids’ childhood, like an ongoing summer for them, doesn’t have to be our endless winter, with gifts lying dormant for years.

As parents, we spend significant time trying to get our kids to do the worthwhile things we wish we still had time to do. We focus so much on their growth that sometimes we forget our own. We forget that example may be the best teacher anyway.

Ongoing personal growth & creative pursuits not only bring satisfaction, but also increase our endurance and effectiveness in parenting. I’ll begin by asking a question:

What do you love? What gives you energy and makes you feel alive?

So many moms say that they don’t know anymore.

There’s something beautiful about being so dedicated to your family that their wishes and interests become your own. I remember driving in rush hour traffic in Minneapolis (a city they say has only 2 seasons: winter and road construction) and getting genuinely excited to see tractors. I was in the car by myself, and though I don’t have any personal interest in construction vehicles, because my little boys like them, my natural inward reaction was, “Hey look! Tractors!!”

I’m sure you’ve had similar experiences where the only reason you’re investing attention, time, or effort in something is because it’s valued by someone you love, but somehow we need to maintain a primary connection to the things we ourselves love--not only to grow and thrive, but to model healthy adulthood.

In his book “Flow: the psychology of optimal experience,” psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi makes the case that in a state of “flow” we have the greatest enjoyment and do our best work. I believe this applies to parenting as well as anything else. Whether or not we feel “in flow” while parenting specifically OR experience flow states intermittently in other pursuits, it can powerfully sustain us and buffer us against burnout.

So I’ll ask again, what do you love? What naturally brings you into a state of “FLOW”? When you find or discover these things, hold onto them. They’re important keys to your wellbeing, your sense of purpose, and your energy and motivation in every area, including parenting.

I’ll pause here to say that if you go to compassionparenting.com/flow-survey, you can do a quick “flow” assessment and get your copy of the free ebook, “Parenting with FLOW: Reconnecting to Natural Delight, Focus and Productivity.” Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

Now back to our discussion on growth. As parents (and this includes me), we often take one of 3 positions when it comes to personal growth (or perhaps cycle through them):

-[First,] sort of giving up on the idea of growth (thinking there’s no time for it or that it’s some kind of indulgence)

-[Second] pursuing growth in a balanced way (or)

-[Third] pursuing growth in an unbalanced way

Let’s talk about each of these.

You might say, for example, “There’s just no time for me to do anything beyond meeting the daily demands of parenting and running a household. I’m completely spent.” I get that. There are certain times of transition or crisis when this may be true. But, in normal circumstances, time usually can be found. There’s what I call “edge time” at the beginning, end, or in little pockets of the day. There’s protected time, when you arrange for a support person to help out while you step away. There’s the opportunity to bring kids along and allow them to participate in some way.

Why would you want to make the effort? Because making some time to do what you love may be your path to feeling alive again. It may be your path to finding your “FLOW.” Paradoxically, this kind of growth actually generates a net energy rather than depleting it. Rather than being a guilty indulgence that robs your children in some way, it enriches them because of what it does for you.

Over the years, I’ve used a mix of strategies to enable my creative pursuits: edge time, protected time, and perhaps most often just involving my kids. I love singing, and when I’ve wanted to practice, I’ve often done so with a little baby or toddler on my lap who was plunking the keys periodically. Not necessarily the most productive context, but definitely doable. Even as I created this podcast, my little 5-year-old was with me when I tested the sound equipment. In many ways, his company had a healing influence. I was overwhelmed in my state of not knowing what I was doing, but with him along we were just playing and being curious together. I captured a little test track when he took a turn. Here it is:

[Nathaniel track]

So that was my son’s debut. Maybe he’ll grow up to be a famous announcer someday!

Writer Brenda Ueland says, “If you want your children to become musicians, then work at music yourself, seriously and with all your intelligence. If you want them to be scholars, study hard yourself. If you want them to be honest, be honest yourself. And so it goes.” In her book entitled If You Want to Write, Ueland also talks about how we need to be more like our “child” selves as we pursue our gifts--bold, playful, & curious. She says, “This joyful, imaginative, impassioned energy dies out of us very young. Why?. . . Because we let dry obligation take its place. Because we don’t respect it in ourselves and keep it alive by using it.” Instead, she says, “Remember these things. Work [at your gifts] with all your intelligence and love.” (p. 5-6, 8)

Now, the subject of balance. Can you think of a time in your life where you were growing & progressing in a paced and balanced way? I’ll give you a minute to think. Even connect with how that felt in your body . . .

Maybe now, recall a time when you overdid it and how that felt . . . What made it different?

Take a breath in as you glean insight from that reflection. And as you breathe out, let go of any leftover tension and let it dissolve away.

As I’m recording this, I’m inwardly acknowledging that I’ve spent more time than necessary in a state of “overstriving”--I feel some loss connected to that. But welling up just after the first feeling, is an overall sense of joy and fulfillment. I’m wondering what feelings are coming up for you and invite you to share about it on my feed @compassionparenting on the post connected with this episode.

There have been times that I’ve gotten the balance right and have found that sweet spot--almost by necessity. One such experience was writing my first parenting book, Faithful Nurturing. With that project, I was determined not to let writing about parenting disrupt my actual parenting. I used the edges of my day (early mornings and late evenings) and showed up as consistently as life would allow. There were also those sudden flashes of inspiration that I scrawled on whatever scrap of paper I could quickly get my hands on. I had to be patient with the process because whenever I’d try to rush it or allow my writing to interfere with my functioning as a parent, it was as if the Muses immediately left me. But once I realigned myself, they’d come back. After about 10 years of paced effort, I finished the book.

We’ll have more episodes on gifts, and balance, and the creative process, but for now I’ll end with an invitation. What am I inviting you to do? Only you can know exactly. But what I am saying is “grow, grow.”

References:

Faithful Nurturing: Mothering from the Heart to the Heart by Mary Illions Wilde

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary

The Ongoing Season: Sustainable Compassion

Fri, 12 Mar 2021 05:00:00 -0700

This episode is the first in the series on “Seasons.” Though seasons of life and parenting change, the one constant element--the aspect that we seek to keep fresh and renewed always--is love. Why? Because the wisdom literature states that “Charity (or love) never faileth.” (I Cor 13: 4-8). I don’t know about you, but I’d like a guaranteed strategy! Like all profound yet simple truths, however, it’s the implementation that’s the challenge...

Love is the foundation of effective parenting--it’s always in season, even through dark winters or long summers. You might be thinking, “Well of course I love my kids!” Yes, you have an underlying bond & an underlying intention, but how tuned-in to it are you day-to-day and moment-to-moment? How tuned into it am I?

Today, we’ll be speaking specifically about one facet of love, sustainable compassion, within the context of parenting. This ties intimately to the work I do, which is to help parents foster a grounded, loving presence. (You can learn more at https://compassionparenting.com --the link’s in the show notes).

Parenting itself is like a marathon (or even an ultra-marathon!). Unlike regular marathons, life’s marathons sometimes don’t give us a chance to fully prepare. We often feel the pace is outside our control--something arbitrary or externally set. We may forget or feel unable to refuel. But yet we run, and we run, and we run.

From 2007 to 2016, not only did I have responsibilities as a mom to a large family, but I also cared for my aging mom, AND worked part-time as a pediatrician. At the end of this period, my mom needed total care. Two strokes had left her bed-ridden, with only the use of one arm. She required tube feeding, bathing, turning & changing. My sister and I performed this care while caring for families of our own. It was a season of ultra-caregiving during which I was often depleted, exhausted, & existing in “survival mode.” But I did survive.

Maybe you have found yourself in an ultra-caregiving situation: caring for a child who has a chronic illness, caring for an aging parent, parenting within the context of your own mental or physical health issues, or even facing the new challenges of parenting within a pandemic. How can we survive while buffering ourselves against burnout?

Burnout has been defined as “a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.” Anyone listening relate to that?

Just so you know you’ve got company, I host a parenting community and membership. Within it I did an informal poll about current levels of burnout on a scale of 0-10. The average among respondents was 10.5. These are solid, dedicated parents, yet they are not immune to burnout and neither are you or I.

In this episode, I’m going to share 4 ideas that may help:

[First…] Choosing compassion over empathy
[Next…] Honoring boundaries
[Then…] Connecting to source
[& finally….] Applying the Halifax GRACE model--a specific framework for practicing compassion “in the trenches”

So what’s the issue with empathy? Empathy is good, right? Well, I’m going to make the case that particularly in extreme situations, compassion may be better and more sustainable. The first to introduce me to this distinction was Dr. Joan Halifax in her beautiful book, Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear & Courage Meet. Though often the terms are used nearly interchangeably, there’s an important difference between them. Empathy literally means “in feeling or suffering,” but compassion is “feeling or suffering with.” You can only hold or be “in” so much suffering, but you can stand alongside it, like a vigil, for longer. That’s choosing compassion over empathy. Joan Halifax spent years as a hospice volunteer literally standing vigil with individuals and families in suffering. She’s developed trainings to help caregivers and front-line workers maintain compassion despite having to endure and witness ongoing emotional stress. Dr. Halifax has also created a framework with the acronym GRACE, that I’ll share later in the episode.

This work fully applies to parents as well. Yes, when crisis hits, the helping professionals are there, but who is in the innermost circle? It is you, the parents. It’s been you at the bedside of your sick child. It’s been you sitting alongside your 3rd grader while they try to learn the times tables with a virtual class of 28 over zoom. It’s been you waiting up for your teenager at midnight. It’s you navigating hard conversations, big emotions, & family crises.

On a practical day-to-day basis, what does this mean? How is compassion, “feeling with” applied? When your child is having a meltdown (whether they’re 2 or 16), you can still be a caring parent without getting roped in. In fact, you can be even more effective when you don’t get roped in. We can be there with our kids, offering care while “decoupling” our emotions from theirs like unhooking a trailer hitch. Then we can be steady & offer wise, loving support.

Does this sound cold or mean? It isn’t at all. It’s a technique for survival and pacing and sustainability. It allows your heart to keep caring. In the healthcare space there’s a term called “compassion fatigue” (which maybe would be more accurately named empathy fatigue”) that describes a burnout state among caregivers--a “loss of the ability to nurture.” Certainly this is not a permanent state, but does require repair work when we find ourselves in it.

As we’ve discussed, the first fix is shifting from empathy toward compassion.

Now let’s talk about boundaries. To me, boundaries are about making decisions based on priorities and then honoring them. Prentis Hemphill has said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” When parents find themselves “blowing up” or “losing it,” it’s often because of quietly accommodating a series of boundary violations. Let me give you a classic example: bedtime.

You help your kids get ready for bed, you try to tuck them in. They delay, they want a snack, they want another story. They have to do just “one more thing.” They need to run & get something. They want to tell you just “one more thing.” On the surface, it seems pretty peaceful but suddenly you shout, “Go to bed!!” Your kids are sad, you’re sad.

Maybe next time it could end differently, but how?

-you could just let them do all those “one more things” until they’re so tired they finally crash (which usually means you’re too tired now too, to talk to your spouse, to get your work done, or just to have some necessary downtime). Maybe they’re happy, but you’re not and you start getting resentful. It’s not sustainable.

Instead, consider this:

-right at the moment you feel the inner tension rising, you could communicate about it authentically. (Maybe after the 1st or 2nd delay tactic instead of the 15th!) You could say, “You know what? We’ve had a good day & I want it to stay that way. Now it is bedtime and you need to go to bed. Not “one more” anything. I love you!!”

Our kids will push against our boundaries. That’s how they test whether the edge is real. Our boundaries won’t look exactly like other people’s and they may change day-to-day because of the specific context. That’s all okay. That’s what communication is for.

Now for tool # 3. Connecting to source.

In our society, there is often a disconnect from the spiritual. We talk of attributes like love, but disconnect the ideas from their origins, like cut flowers. Without connection to source or root, our love can wither or dry up pretty fast. Whether you’re religious or not, love is not free-standing. Mother Theresa reportedly said that she’d spend her mornings praying to feel God’s love and then spend the day sharing it. Whether you tap into a divine source or into a sense of common humanity, let your love have root in something bigger than yourself.

All this sounds good in theory, but what about in practice...in the center of the struggle or crisis? For our 4th tool, let’s return to the work of Dr. Joan Halifax. To medical professionals, clergy, social activists, humanitarian workers, Dr. Halifax has taught the GRACE model, and I think it applies equally well to us as parents, for we are the ultimate front-line caregivers.

Let us practice GRACE, G.R.A.C.E. to sustain us in our work.

G stands for gather attention. It’s about pausing to ground (or center) ourselves.

R stands for recall intention. This is about aligning ourselves moment-to-moment with our vision--our greatest wishes for our kids and ourselves.

A is attune to self and others. We must attune to our kids and ourselves to discern the true needs in a given situation.

C- consider what will serve. Our “considering” may not bring us to the easiest, most convenient, or most popular conclusion, but it will likely guide us to the wisest one.

E is Engage and End. We carry out the plan from the previous step and then we move on, without baggage, without regret or rumination, to the next thing.

Because in parenting there always is “the next thing.”

Truly, love is the most powerful parenting tool in the universe. It’s a simple thought, yet a profound and taxing path that I hope we can explore together through this podcast.

Now, some final thoughts. Recently I was at a yoga class and the instructor said, “When the practice gets hard, love yourself more. The message hit me so deeply. Yet so often we do the exact opposite of this. If you remember nothing more from today’s episode, remember this: “When the practice gets hard, love yourself (and others) more.” What is the practice? In my yoga class it was a specifically challenging pose. But the ultimate practice is life itself.

Let's connect!

IG @drmarywilde

Try out a free month of the Compassion Parenting Membership HERE. Use the promo code CPFREEX1

If your kids could use some more resilience, check out the Resilience School Intensive (includes coaching and support) or Resilience CORE Strategies (the DIY version).

Original music composed for Compassion Parenting by Ben Rodriguez https://soundcloud.com/bennicurious

***

To subscribe on iTunes: go to iTunes store→ Music→ podcasts→ type in "Compassion Parenting" in search & click on icon→ click “subscribe” button

To Leave a Podcast Review

How to leave a podcast review using Apple’s Podcast app

Launch Apple’s Podcast App on your iPhone or iPad.
Choose “Search” from the bottom row of icons and enter the name of the show (i.e., “Compassion Parenting Podcast”) into the search field
Select the show under Shows (not under Episodes)
Scroll down past the first few episodes until you see Ratings & Reviews
Click “Write a Review” underneath the displayed reviews from other listeners. (Enter your iTunes password to login). You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

How to leave a podcast review at iTunes

Go to the iTunes page of the Compassion Parenting Podcast.
Click the "View in iTunes" button.
At iTunes, click the Ratings and Reviews tab.
You’ll then have the option to rate us on a 5-star scale, and write a review if you choose :)

**When you’ve written a review, tag me or msg me on IG @drmarywilde & I’ll give you a shoutout on my story & a personal TY!

xo, Dr. Mary