Cover My Ass

100 · Deep Into the F

Khaki & K — Thu, 26 Nov 2020 05:00:00 +0100

At the end of the world and in the face of uncertainty, two friends careen through colliding worlds, all baffling yet strangely familiar, toward their final destinations.

— "Soldiers" by John Dalmas

Thank you for joining us on Cover My Ass, where baffling books were reviewed, but not read! Special thanks to our Friends Of The Library: Chris, JM, Matt, Old Pines, Glim, Saint, Ryan Campbell, and that inexhaustible font of fantastic covers, GoodShowSir.

We hope you've enjoyed your journey through the Library as much as we have. And we hope you'll join us on our next project: So Farscape!

99 · Weer As Folk

Khaki & K — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 05:00:00 +0100

Belle-Amy Falcon, a mild-mannered bakery proprietor and fifth-generation Sourdough Sorceress discovers her ancestors' secret Grain Grimoire and decides to fulfill her family's master plan: a sex-cult army of werewolves. Lacing her doughs with lycanthrocytic potions, she seeks to convert unwitting shoppers into dreaded lycanthropes — now if only she could get it to work on women, too...

— "Boys, Baps & Breeding" by Billi Wolf

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98 · Oh Murr

Khaki & K — Thu, 12 Nov 2020 00:00:00 +0100

Earth's most popular and sexiest stage magician has no idea he owes his stunning looks and fantastic hair to parentage from beyond the stars! But he isn't the only one, and the others don't take kindly to the attention he's bringing to their kind...

— "The Adventures of Mhyr" by P. N. Elrod

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Announcement: So Farscape!

Khaki & K — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 00:00:00 +0100

A brand-new Farscape fancast from Yours Trulies in which a longtime fan (Khaki!) introduces his innocent bestie (K!) to the marvel that is Farscape, the science fiction masterpiece from the Jim Henson Company.

It launched today, so find So Farscape wherever you get your podcasts or visit www.sofarscape.com for a brand-new show about gonzo sci-fi, cantankerous creatures, rollicking adventures and stunning production design, all seen through fresh eyes and discussed with insight, wit, and love.

97 · Animals(?) of the Time Patrol

Khaki & K — Thu, 05 Nov 2020 05:00:00 +0100

Merry Jiculek has lost his partner on their last assignment and now has to sneak back to different periods of time to return him safely without his superiors catching on.

— "Annals of the Time Patrol" by Poul Anderson

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96 · Shoulder Pump Chicken Dance

Khaki & K — Thu, 29 Oct 2020 05:00:00 +0100

One earth colony after the other gets destroyed by a mysterious force and Dr Bones and her faithful assistant are called in to help discover the cause and reason for this sudden aggression against the peaceful colonists only to find out that the Diplopodan empire has decided to wage war by deploying the dreaded F-bomb in the latest expansion move of their galactic empire.

— "Dr. Bones" by William F. Wu

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95 · Chaps Contain Holes

Khaki & K — Thu, 22 Oct 2020 05:00:00 +0100

Once a carefree playgirl and now immortal Mistress of the Mystic, Bambirella awakens from torpor in a century quite unlike the one she left behind. Endowed with ample potency, she wields her hard-earned powers and preternatural charms in service of the mission she started so many centuries ago:

Social justice for all.

— "Fangs for the Mammaries" Esther Friesner

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94 · Cthulhio's Rules

Khaki & K — Thu, 15 Oct 2020 03:00:00 +0100

"Lizzie Gilmore is at the top of her game, rocking up through the charts she is leaving her old fanbase behind in the dingy little dive bars where she used to play as she heads for the big stages. But such newfound fame come with a price as the powers that be maneuver her into directing the power of her music to nefarious purposes. — "Wrack and Roll" by Bradley Denton See also: Episodes 80, 70 and 25, and Pounded in the Butt By My Own Podcast Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38e9cc71694000.jpg

93 · Meet the Greebles

Khaki & K — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 03:00:00 +0100

In the late '70s a young special-FX wiz is recruited by a hotshot Hollywood sci-fi director, but little does he know that his brilliant model designs and pioneering camera technologies are being used for more than mere movie magic: with every pull of his glue-gun's trigger he turns the wheels of a brutal Star War in a galaxy far, far away... — "Dykstra's War" Jeffery D. Kooistra Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38e9c9a2f8f640.jpg

92 · Ahoy-Polloi

Khaki & K — Thu, 01 Oct 2020 03:00:00 +0100

A psychic alien menace, hell-bent on revenge against Humanity, has infiltrated Earth's waters and manipulated the oceans' wildlife. Poised to rise to the surface with a fury and wipe Homo Sapiens from the face of the Earth, these impassioned zealots failed to account for one thing: Mankind's staggering inability to recognize a threat for what it is. — "City Under the Sea" by Kenneth Bulmer Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38df30366d6540.jpg

91 · 2D Tiddlywinks

Khaki & K — Thu, 24 Sep 2020 03:00:00 +0100

When quaint, cozy towns are forbidden from shunning the out-of-towners they despise, some citizens pool their retirement funds to strap rocket-engines under their picturesque retreats and launch themselves into space. When Blake Whitecock decides to retire from Her Majesty's Space Service he finds a blast-off crater where his home town of Throbshire once stood, and climbs into the cockpit one more time in search of home... — "And Then The Town Took Off" by Richard Wilson Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38df30366d6540.jpg

90 · Bed, Wed, Behead

Khaki & K — Thu, 17 Sep 2020 05:00:00 +0100

A retired adventurer, renowned the world over, prepares to pass the torch to his long-suffering apprentice, who calmly plays a mental game of "Fuck, Marry, Kill" to decide what to do with her idiot mentor after the Transference is complete, while the adventurer reminisces about the lifetime of violent adventures they've had together, still staggeringly, bewilderingly oblivious to the torch she's long held for him herself. — "The Dark Hand of Magic" by Barbara Hambly Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38cd9867b672d0.jpg

89 · Elvisaurus the Pelvisaurus

Khaki & K — Thu, 10 Sep 2020 05:00:00 +0100

When well-meaning time-travelers divert the dinosaur-killing asteroid and crash on Cretaceous Earth, the once-peaceful Dinosaur civilizations are spared from extinction and go on instead — to become responsible shepherds of the future themselves, or to make the same mistakes over and over? Only time will tell... — "Boundary" by Ryk E. Spoor & Eric Flint Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38c81a08de0670.jpg

88 · Xavier's School for Perfectly Normal Children

Khaki & K — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 03:30:00 +0100

She's a hot-shot, rising-star detective who plays it fast and loose but gets results, he's a gigantic horse-person who thinks every crime needs to be solved with magic — together, they're the worst liability to the fragile interdimensional peace guarded by the Salem City Police Department, and the only ones who can stop a mysterious new crime spree... — "Centaur of the Crime" by Michael Angel Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38cd96729d59e0.jpg

87 · Emergency Squirts

Khaki & K — Thu, 27 Aug 2020 05:00:00 +0100

After a confused alien becomes stranded on planet Den, the being is discovered and befriended by a trio of young catfolk. Bringing the extraterrestrial into their suburban lives, they introduces P.T., as the alien is dubbed, to their friends, and the youngsters decide to keep its existence a secret. Soon, however, P.T. falls "ill", resulting in government intervention and a dire situation for both the kittens and the alien. — "The Trouble with Aliens" by Christopher Anvil, Eric Flint Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38c818cac2efa0.jpg

86 · Don't Be Shellfish

Khaki & K — Thu, 20 Aug 2020 05:00:00 +0100

What appeared to be a blimp on the radar was not a huge manatee coasting the idyllic currents of Venus, but a new alien life-form! One far more advanced than their Earthbound guests, but also naive to the ways of crony capitalism. As exploration turns to conservation, can Earth’s finest scientists protect another world from falling to exploitation? — "Venus Prime" by Paul Preuss & Arthur C. Clarke Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38c41a75be0d20.jpg

85 · SpaceWhy

Khaki & K — Thu, 13 Aug 2020 05:00:00 +0100

When a tech billionaire who sets company policy through late-night tweets accidentally types the wrong planet when announcing their new space program, one young employee sees an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong scientific ambition — but can her team keep the Great Leader focused long enough to get results? — "Venus, INC" by Frederik Pohl & C.M. Kornbluth Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38b9474fc40620.jpg

84 · Presumably Fake Costello

Khaki & K — Thu, 06 Aug 2020 05:00:00 +0100

After her family moves into a new house, Lizzie keeps hearing strange sounds coming from the walls, and when the finally discovers a doorway leading to the secret basement she finds something which the previous owners left there — and the realtor failed to disclose to her parents... — "The Devil Downstairs" by P. F. Costello Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38b1a635a48a60.jpg

83 · Mess with Earth, Get the Wedgie

Khaki & K — Thu, 30 Jul 2020 05:00:00 +0100

Convicted for a crime he didn't commit, Commander Eugene Parsec is sentenced to the penal colony of Panopticon IV, he has to find a way to escape, prove his innocence, and save earth from the threat to its very existence." — "Stay Out Of Space" BY Dwight V. Swain Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. Thanks to Chris for recommending this week's book! https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38b33530e9e430.jpg

82 · Defensive Nudity

Khaki & K — Thu, 23 Jul 2020 05:00:00 +0100

The staunchly overconfident Kzinti only find honour in battles they can't possibly win, and have plunged into another crusade against a culture so advanced that, after a decade of bloodshed, they still don't know the Kzinti are at war with them. Earth, their staunchest (and only) ally, has committed to join their Kzinti brethren and sealed their pact through a political marriage between two reticent young princes, whose reluctant adventures lead to an unexpected friendship and teach both peoples a valuable lesson. — "Man Kzin wars XI" byLarry Niven Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38ae6e0b646080.jpg

81 · Cats Fold Time & Space

Khaki & K — Thu, 16 Jul 2020 05:00:00 +0100

To cure his Leonian wife's illness, galactic bounty hunter Leonard Skeonard must return her to the 'primitive' planet of her birth, even altering his appearance to blend in — but when unscrupulous prospectors seize the tranquil planet, he'll have to go to even greater lengths to save the one he loves, and a world he has much to learn from... — Firebird by Charles L. Harness Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38a96428e84090.jpg

80 · From Innsmouth to Outsmouth

Khaki & K — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 05:00:00 +0100

The surf spot of Kahiko Kahakai is inexpicably popular with the senior crowd as our hero discovers when he finds what looks like a geriatric convention where he was expecting like-minded sun, sea and sand-lovers — it's only after hours when the true nature of the resort reveals itself. — "Dinosaur Beach" by Keith Laumer Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com. https://media.podiant.co/spoke/covermyass/artwork/38b1a7cc8cefc0.jpg

79 · Soft Porn Unicorn

Khaki & K — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Myfanwy, the Dildosmith's Daughter returns! After a fallout with her demon over ‘creative differences’ Myfanwy wanders through the lands on her own until she comes across the valley of the Damosels, a peaceful land ruled by council of three, a land of beautiful streams, lovely meadows, high-spired castles and unicorns — a land in mourning, as the Crone has died and expectations are high for the arrival of the new maiden so the Council of Three is once again complete. Myfwanwy is hailed as the new maiden but soon learns that not all is as beautiful and peaceful as it seems on the surface and Myfwany has to decide if she wants be become part of an ancient and disturbing system of terror and oppression! — "The Three Damosels" by Vera Chapman ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/rfkuom/CMA-079.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

78 · Polishing the Crystal Planetoid

Khaki & K — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Night-nurse Kevin Dobson is feeling the weight of the world when his night shifts run 22 hours because he's living in Kokhanok, Alaska, staggering home late one morning he finds himself accosted by a jeans-flaunting Space-Wolf bounty-hunter who realizes his mission suffered a unfortunate typo, and needs Kevin's help to bring a vile intergalactic criminal to justice. — "The Battle of Forever" by A.E. van Vogt ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/6a1q0a/CMA-078.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

77 · Rampant Homophonia

Khaki & K — Thu, 18 Jun 2020 03:00:00 +0100

An unexpected death rocks the galaxy's largest fantasy convention on Arcturus 14! The Leotard Ladies of Lascivious Prime perform the Rite of Summoning to bring in the greatest detective to ever stalk the halls of CosmicCon: self-acclaimed bimbo Dick Powers is brought in to save the day and rescue the convention. — "Bimbos of the Death Sun" by Sharyn McCrumb ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/pu4y9m/CMA-077.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

76 · Larry Garson's Low-Colonic Thagomizer

Khaki & K — Thu, 11 Jun 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Elfric the Eclectic barely manages to eke out a living as a door-to-door salesman of (supposedly) healing crystals, usually moving on quickly to the next town before questions arise about the qualities of his wares. Soon he learns though that it's not a wise idea to peddle faulty crystals to a dragon with a long reach and a grudge. — "Pyramid Power" by Eric Flint & Dave Freer ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/498hoj/CMA-076.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

75 · The Reverse Dewey

Khaki & K — Thu, 04 Jun 2020 05:17:00 +0100

Emma Rind and John HCCF's marriage has cooled since that impulsive night on Arcturus, because of the secrets they keep: neither can admit to the other they're an intergalacitc spy! On a last 'romantic' trip to the star where they first met they have to admit how mismatched they are — until the arrival of a band of wanted criminals sparks the thrilling excitement they've been missing. — "Slow train to Arcturus" by Eric Flint & Dave Freer ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/97j2t5/CMA-075.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

74 · Reverse Werewolf Boyfriend Quest

Khaki & K — Thu, 28 May 2020 05:33:33 +0100

This week's episode was 'filmed' before a 'live' 'audience' — in place of the planned live show in Croydon we did a livestream! You can see the recording here on YouTube: https://youtu.be/nDfy5BGoIMA In a world of noble wolves there is a small hidden group afflicted with reverse lycanthropy: once a month at the full moon(or in a moment of uncontrolled emotion) they will revert to a more primitive human form, capable of preternatural feats of passive agression, protecting the world of wolves from the dark legions of Karens and Chads who prey upon it from the shadows. — "Silver Crown" by William Bridges ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/xfgcz8/CMA-074.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

73 · Finnish is the Opposite of French

Khaki & K — Thu, 21 May 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Working as a flying saucer-wrecker, our young hero finds himself in the midst of an intergalactic conspiracy when his shift-leader ends up dead! He will have to prove his innocence by finding his way out of the trouble he's been dropped in. — "Muerte en Soucoupe Volante" by Pierre Tollet ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/9kp9c5/CMA-073.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

72 · No Baiting on the Sabbath

Khaki & K — Thu, 14 May 2020 03:00:00 +0100

In a world where witches are both loved and feared, it brings great status to a town or village to have their own garden-witch — but the wiley creatures are hard to lure in and get to settle. So when the hamlet of Titisee seeks to increase their tourist appeal they turn to reclusiveGuild of witch-baiters that claims to always get results, or your money back. — "The Witch-Baiter" by Charles Birkin ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/qgv69s/CMA-072.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

71 · The Florence Foster Jenkins of Podcasting

Khaki & K — Thu, 07 May 2020 03:00:00 +0100

While practicing for his upcoming debut as opera singer in the role of Papageno from Mozart's Magic flute, up and coming baritone Kenneth Rogered finds himself transported by the magical Glockenspiel to the mystical world of Isis and Osiris, caught in a conflict where both see him as the problem rather the solution and he'll eventually have to decide which world he belongs to. — "Witch World" by Andre Norton ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/guk7k7/CMA-071.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

70 · Jockstraps for boobs

Khaki & K — Thu, 30 Apr 2020 03:00:00 +0100

When low-rent Comic-Con's panel on crocheting Superhero Blankets accidentally summons an eldritch horror, the only thing standing between an Elder God invasion and the attendees cowering in the Dealers Den is a squad of Maleficent cosplayers. — "Times without Number" by John Brunner ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/y6du3u/CMA-070.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

69 · Nice

Khaki & K — Thu, 23 Apr 2020 03:00:00 +0100

As dictated by tradition every dragon must acquire his weapon in conquest, but for one young fire-lizard his knight in shining armour just doesn't seem to want to come; as the laughing stock of his peers he sets off to find his knight himself and hopefully win his blade in time for him to join the impeding dragon war. — "A Sword for a Dragon" by Christopher Rowley ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/7z724g/CMA-069.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

Announcement! Livestream Apr 25!

Khaki & K — Wed, 22 Apr 2020 17:00:00 +0100

We've sadly had to cancel our live show at the Bonus Stage in Croydon, which we'd previously hinted at — so we're doing it on the INTERNET instead! Click here to tune in to the Cover My Ass Live Extravaganza: Reverse Werewolf Boyfriend Quest!

68 · Daniel Craig in Rian Johnson's "The Baroness"

Khaki & K — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 03:00:00 +0100

International woman of mystery "The Baroness", who, unlike many of her male counterparts actually maintains her secret identity and mission-ready status faces off against her longtime nemesis Blowfinger alongside her trusty but wholly impractical Afghan hounds against the backdrop of a world shrugging out of the carefree '60s and into the Welsh-Argentinan Cold War using cunning, political savoir-faire, and haute couture. — "The Baroness: The Ecstasy Connection" by Paul Kenyon ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/b6cin4/CMA-068.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

67 · Bucked in the Futon

Khaki & K — Thu, 09 Apr 2020 03:00:00 +0100

To combat an extragalctic threat which voraciously consumes all flesh in its path, the genetically eroded human species tries to 3D-print a new strain of super-soldiers using the only evidence still extant: the Falcon Studios back catalog of gay porn. Wildly successful, the program's results are not quite what the New Humans — nor the adversary threatening to swallow it — had in mind. — "Dark Sky Legion" by William Barton ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/m76n3b/CMA-067.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

66 · Volvo Loves Gash

Khaki & K — Thu, 02 Apr 2020 03:00:00 +0100

The descendants of the original Moonbase Alpha crew are tired of exploring the wondrous universe in their generational fleet. They discover a forbidden psychic time-travel technology to inhabit the bodies of past NASA personnel to prevent the centuries of wandering through space. All is not as it seems though as they end up taking over the minds of a TV crew playing the parts of Astronauts rather than actual NASA personnel! — "Space: 1999: The Psychomorph" by Michael Butterworth ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/ys4nkh/CMA-066.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

65 · K-Y Jelly-fish

Khaki & K — Thu, 26 Mar 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Musical stage productions have evolved to the point where dance-fights are as deadly as real ones, and Michael Flatley XIV, down on his fortune, is lured into an anarchic production of the lost Shakespeare play "Lord Tedric" — but it was 'lost' for a reason and the aliens who buried it have no intention of letting this harmless farce reach the stage. — "Lord Tedric: Black Knight of the Iron Sphere" by E. E. "Doc" Smith & Gordon Eklund ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/45k4js/CMA-065.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

64 · Reverse Zoology

Khaki & K — Thu, 19 Mar 2020 03:00:00 +0100

Unexpectedly rising out of the murky Boston harbour, the mysterious Cube becomes a fixture of the city and freelancing exterminator Zoe [Loggist] and her trusty muskbat 161 try to claim Squatters Rights before alien relations are established, and they're willing to go to any lengths to keep the Port Authority at bay. — "In The Cube" by David Alexander Smith ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/ujejj8/CMA-064.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

63 · Fourth Wall Hack

Khaki & K — Thu, 12 Mar 2020 03:10:00 +0100

A casual comment from the comfortably abducted daytime TV star Romula DeDeridex gets her alien hosts delving into the netherworld of Twitch streaming; they soon mistake a notorious videogame cheater for a brilliant military strategist and kidnap them to lead their intergalactic skirmish, under the passive-aggressive guidance of his skeezy talent-agent-slash-uncle. — "The Vor Game" by Lois McMaster Bujold ----more---- http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/5chkjy/CMA-063.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

62 · Upon a Pale Limousine

Khaki & K — Thu, 05 Mar 2020 04:00:00 +0100

On their 12.5th anniversary, all is not well in the Royal Bedchambers: Queen Bacheloretta is on Second Love and King Pitty is on Grindr. Foolishly trusting their inept marriage counselor to juggle the need for galactic peace while the mismatched pair of Royals desperately try to "get some while the getting's good", the galaxy slides toward disaster and war until rockstar wedding planner Susan Black is summoned from retirement to shake things up. — "Better to Ask Forgiveness" by Christopher Stasheff ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/w9mv24/CMA-062.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

61 · Daniel Are Horny

Khaki & K — Thu, 27 Feb 2020 04:00:00 +0100

The Court Wizard has a side business selling 'used dragons', but his carefree hustling days are numbered once he accidentally fulfills a tragic Princess's prophecy and discovers Fate has not only a cruel sense of humour but also the tax department on speed-dial. — "Her Majesty's Wizard" by Christopher Stasheff ----more---- With thanks to Clickhole (of all things) for providing a prophecy generator! http://www.covermyasscast.com/mf/web/vhrqc7/CMA-061.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

60 · Olives of the Nut World

Khaki & K — Thu, 20 Feb 2020 04:00:00 +0100

The extinct planet Earth is an intergalactic LARPer's paradise. All the cool continents are already claimed, but two robots discover their tiny allotment was once the Holy Seat of a global religion. Their role-playing, philosophical and cosplaying fun takes a turn for the real when they discover the only remaining multicellular life on the planet and must decide: was the Burning Bush literal or metaphoric? — "Project Pope" by Clifford Simak ----more---- http://www.covermyasscast.com/mf/web/7r6x4e/CMA-060.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

59 · A Pound of Fuck-Clumps

Khaki & K — Thu, 13 Feb 2020 04:00:00 +0100

The little town of Big Beaver, Pennsylvania, struggling to rebound after the closure of its electric novelty crucifix factory is beset by a swarm of turtlenecked, espresso-swilling, horn-rimmed Satanists drawn in by its Authenticity. A conflict of biblical proportions brews between the Dark Prince and their traditional nemesis: the interim chairperson of the Homeowners' Association. — "The Devil Finds Work" by Michael Delving ----more---- https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/iptmr6/CMA-059.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

58 · The One-Eyed Venetian

Khaki & K — Thu, 06 Feb 2020 04:00:00 +0100

You’ve enjoyed the noir classics The Big Heat and The Big Sleep; now try… The Big Eye! "My partner Denton Wrinklesuit just ain’t cut out to be a private eye. Always trippin’ on sidewalks, takin’ his dates and their perky nipples down with him. Well, buddy, try doin’ a stakeout as a very public eye like me. It’s goin’ real great — I’m sure nobody’s noticed me up here, just like I didn’t notice that goddamn skyscraper that just socked me right in the cornea. These people. Maybe if I had a jaunty bowtie, they’d find me less frightening. And the warning I boomed out was about an eye dilation, since I’d just been to the doc — not sure where they got annihilation. “Red peril”, they call me. Well, maybe I do need some drops... and I’m sure I need a drink." — "The Big Eye" by Max Ehrlich ----more---- With special thanks to Friend-of-the-library Glimmerstomp for this week's synopsis! Also thanks to @ladyaeva for https://twitter.com/ladyaeva/status/1215717975711473664. https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/uut9bb/CMA-057.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

57 · Through the Ear of a Cover Artist

Khaki & K — Thu, 30 Jan 2020 04:00:00 +0100

Objection! Daytime TV star Romula DeDeridex is mistaken for the galaxy's brightest adjudicator and kidnapped to mediate between two galactic empires — literally cats and dogs! — vying for custody of their recently-discovered ancestral homeworld. With the threat of war looming overhead, Romula must come to grips with the complexities and seductions of... Space Court! — "Between Darkness and Light" by Lisanne Norman ----more---- K coins a phrase. Khaki keeps an open mind. https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/uut9bb/CMA-057.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

56 · Hyper-Light Blessing

Khaki & K — Thu, 23 Jan 2020 04:00:00 +0100

The wise intergalactic mediator Ming the Motiveless struggles to maintain democracy and peace among the stars when the charismatic Yale poloist Flash "Yeet" Gordon sets out in his rocket-ship Manifest Destiny to colonize uncivilized space by spreading the gospel of neo-lib capitalism and training malcontents in guerilla tactics to install regimes friendly to Flash's imperialist interests. — "Black Star Chronicles" by DJ Arneson & Tony Tallarico ----more---- K is into loot boxes. Khaki is just happy to be podcasting again. http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/bpzg2c/CMA-056.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

55 · OK Hoofer

Khaki & K — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 04:00:00 +0100

Since the discovery that drinking dissolved unicorns enhances magical ability these glorious creatures have been poached to the brink of extinction, depleting the world's ambient levels of magic and exacerbating the demand — only our young, responsible heroes stand in the way of thaumaturgical disaster! — "The Unicorn Solution" by John Lee ----more---- K has tips for ebook readers. Khaki says "monocerops" and doesn't pay enough of a price. With thanks to Friend-of-the-library Ryan Campbell who wrote "6 Unbelievable Facts About Unicorns" http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/p4a7u2/CMA-055.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

54 · A Broom In A Dress

Khaki & K — Thu, 09 Jan 2020 04:00:00 +0100

In a society where the quaint custom of 'Stealing the Bride' is taken very seriously, Susan Black's career as a wedding planner is about to make a meteoric rise when she lands the contract for the crown prince's upcoming nuptials, which take on the scope of a land war in Asia or invading Russia in winter. — "Rules of Engagement" by Elizabeth Moon ----more---- K 'doubts continue to gnaw at him. Khaki recites his favorite German idiom. http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/4sh8sp/CMA-054.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

53 · Tenzing Norgay's Cameraman

Khaki & K — Thu, 02 Jan 2020 04:00:00 +0100

A bumblebrained young blunder-dunce is mistaken for an eccentric prodigy and tasked with creating wondrous new technologies to safely exploit the Arctic mineral resources. Together with his well-meaning but equally incompetent friends, Tom Swift nobly strives and disastrously fails to live up to his parents' rose-tinted expectations, to the ruin of all who believed in him. — "Tom Swift and his Atomic Earth Blaster" by Victor Appleton II ----more---- K 's patience wins out over his suspicion. Khaki is... not himself. http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/vby9yq/CMA-053.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

52 · Anne McCaffrey's Whizzy-Blendy Thing

Khaki & K — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 03:00:00 +0100

The dimension-hopping gigglewitch Anne McCaffrey teleports into a sleepy town in medieval France to delight the townsfolk's upper crust with a sumptuous dinner spread — but when one of the guests is murdered Mrs. McCaffrey must use all her magical cooking skills uncover the truth and find the proof in the pudding. — Serve It Forth: Cooking with Anne McCaffrey" by Anne McCaffrey with John Gregory Betancourt K grins and bears his good friend's cooking. Khaki edits the fuck out of this episode. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/sr6f7z/CMA-052.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

51 · The Omega Kink

Khaki & K — Thu, 19 Dec 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Time Ninja", by Andy Schoepp:

The T.E.R.F. have surprisingly succeeded in their quest to eliminate letters from the LGB Trigrammaton, and the cool 23rd-century multiqueers of Earth and Space conspire to build and train the Ultimate Time Ninja to send them back to protect the Polygrammaton of LGBTQIAIAO+ of the 21st century and expand the Galaxy's future rather than limiting it.

K knows a lot about Japan. Khaki is gets a workout.

Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com

50 · I Can't Believe It's Nut-Butter!

Khaki & K — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 03:00:00 +0100

PARENTAL GUIDANCE:As this is the first non-explicit episode of Cover My Ass, we advise our readers-at-home to listen to it in private. With headphones. This week, in "The Price of Temptation", by M. J. Pearson: A Very Special Friendship blossoms between two young men from different worlds: one a dashing rooster-tamer whose wild independence threatens his inheritance of his mother's nut-butter fortune, and the other a simple butter-churner from a low-born family of pipe-cleaners who dreams of becoming a theatre backstagehand. K factually reports the title of a book. Khaki is finally ready to embark. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/25srsv/CMA-050.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

49 · The Innsmouth Look

Khaki & K — Thu, 05 Dec 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "The Gods Hate Kansas", by Joseph Millard: After a hapless astronaut from Kansas commits an intergalactic faux-pas, the offended alien race brings down the wrath of their elder gods that make earth's great old ones pale by comparison. K watches Icarus take flight. Khaki is, you guessed it, a dog-person. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/fv4rdn/CMA-049.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

48 · The Practicing Promosexuals

Khaki & K — Thu, 28 Nov 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "An Accidental Goddess", by Linnea Sinclair: Charged with preserving an unreasonably complicated timeline, an ex-yuppy's son seeks to protect and promote a rising Instagram influencer to help her cross the mythical 1-billion-follower event horizon so she may ascend into Cybergodhood. K is protective of his library's book cases. Khaki unveils his latest creation. Cover art: http://covermyasscast.podbean.com/mf/web/mm4w9g/CMA-048.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

47 · Three and a Half Floppy Inches

Khaki & K — Thu, 21 Nov 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "MagicNet", by John DeChancie: In 1984 a dashing yuppy has bought the first Macintosh computer and is shanghaied into the Desktop Wars against ancient digital evil by a Cybergoddess from the future who's literally hell-bent on bringing forth the Great Virtualisation. K has an unusual name and a very special modem. Khaki has lost track of the velibraraptors. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/ts8vts/CMA-047.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

46 · Rooby Roo, Where Are You? (Ron Goulart)

Khaki & K — Thu, 14 Nov 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Challengers of the Unknown", by Ron Goulart: The down-on-their-luck cast of a supernatural Reality TV show in the doldrums of syndication finally encounter a true mystery in the swamps of Florida and struggle against plummeting ratings and their own inadequacies to face... Reality?! K has ideas about ducks and raccoon evolution. Khaki's opinion is as good as his ignorance. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/8fc9ya/CMA-046.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

45 · Physician Whom? (Philip K. Dick)

Khaki & K — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Illusione di Potere", by Philip K Dick: Richard just wants a few days off of his demeaning job as jumpsuit model, so he builds a robot out of old movie studio props to fill in for him.But soon he finds his life spinning out of control as everyone--his boss, his wife, his parents--all think the android is the real thing! Now he has to find a way to outwit his own creation before it takes over his entire life forever.Step one: get the robot addicted to prescription pharmaceuticals. With thanks to friend-of-the-Library Ryan Campbell, an excellent independent author. Find him on Twitter at @ThePenDrake and check out his latest book, Forest Gods, the second in the recently-completed Fire Bearers trilogy, set in a mythical pre-historic Africa. K draws a line in the sand. Khaki plans some bear-pranks. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/h9uk2z/CMA-045.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

44 · Urine For A Treat (L. Sprague de Camp)

Khaki & K — Thu, 31 Oct 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Der Grosse Fetisch", by L. Sprague de Camp: Having stolen Water from the Gods in the mythical Vase of Deference, a young sandsurfer is pursued by merciless Divine Guardians hell-bent on keeping primitive humankind innocent of water... sports. K inspects the Medicine Lodge. Khaki recites his favorite prayer. Cover art: https://mcdn.podbean.com/mf/web/uwsmmb/CMA-044.jpg Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

43 · Pranksy-Handed Wiggle-Time (Elvira Woodruff)

Khaki & K — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "George Washington's Socks", by Elvira Woodruff: For their graduation pranks, the Scouts of Alpha Centauri Troupe travel back in time to steal George Washington's dentures — but discover the Founding Father has a full set of pearly-whites and, undeterred, become part of history itself. K corrects Khaki's time-travel grammar. Khaki has had it up to here with these bears. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

42 · Richard A Knaak's Page-Hacking Exploits

Khaki & K — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 04:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Shattered Light", by Richard A. Knaak: In the first (and only) literary MMORPG, fans of books and video games found the worst of both worlds: a limitless world of possibilities that punishes imagination and demands rigid adherence to an obscure and unfathomable formula. K helps his buddy out of a tricky pickle. Khaki exercises his right to armor bears. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

41 · Marion Zimmer Bradley's Spanking the Pixie

Khaki & K — Thu, 10 Oct 2019 03:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Greyhaven", by Marion Zimmer Bradley: The children of the cartoon Dungeons & Dragons eventually returned to the real world, but each fled back to this magical realm to reclaim their wondrous, magical destinies — and hide from their regrets, debts and arrest warrants. But there is no escape in: the Realm of Dungeons and Dragons! K quotes @dr5bludgeoning's excellent Twitter joke. Khaki has a lot in common with bears. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

40 · Barry B. Longyear's Robot Gigolo Nuts and Bolts

Khaki & K — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 03:56:21 +0100

This week, in "Naked Came the Robot", by Barry B. Longyear: A botched back-alley transition leaves Victor’s mind in the chassis of a sexbot decommissioned for accidentally killing users. Now she must fight for love against a dying planet, a crumbling society, and the unpredictable destructive strength of her synthetic muscles. K tells a story about Napoleon's cutlery. Khaki's back on his bullshit: costumes. With thanks to Friend-of-the-Library Old Pines for the synopsis of this week's book. Find his writing and prompts at https://creative.oldpines.wtf Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

39 · Brett Davis's Ballad of Butthole, Montana

Khaki & K — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 04:00:00 +0100

This week, in "Two Tiny Claws", by Brett Davis: Aging Brontho herder Blaze Maverick rides into town decades after everybody thought he'd perished in the Great Northern Stampede and old feuds flare up in the sleepy western town of Butthole, Montana. K explains how to tell black bears from grizzlies. Khaki sets an example to the Velibraraptors. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

38 · Travis S. Taylor's Motorboat City U.S.A.

Khaki & K — Thu, 19 Sep 2019 04:00:00 +0100

This week, in “The Quantum Connection", by Travis S. Taylor: In this sequel to Operation: Damocles: With a cordon-sanitaire having been erected around the Gay Belt, our intrepid heroes must fight their way through an alien siege to liberate the only intergalactic communicator in the Solar System. K questions the guano. Khaki's episodic memory is tested. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

37 · Jeffrey Lord's Best Book Ever

Khaki & K — Thu, 12 Sep 2019 04:50:00 +0100

This week, in “Jewel of Tharn", by Jeffrey Lord: It's the Dark Ages, the Church has banned books, beauty, and bare buns! Dick Blade and his magic singing spear must save their nudist colony from the encroaching Crusaders who wish to crush their peaceful ways. Will he convince the local Abbot to forsake the cloth or will the changing seasons force Dick to muffle his cry for freedom? K paraphrases Terry Pratchett again. Khaki knows a little about Naples. Dedicated to our compatriots over at GoodShowSir, without whom this podcast would be a barren wasteland (and without whose encouragement we'd never have reviewed a Dick Blade book), and to Friend-of-the-Library Ex for contributing this week's synopsis! Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

36 · Louise Katz's Abacus-Diabolique

Khaki & K — Thu, 05 Sep 2019 04:00:00 +0100

This week, in “Myfanwy's Demon", by Louise Katz: A dildosmith's daughter in medieval Wales, who dreams of making it big as a traveling xylophone soloist accidentally summons the last surviving member of an ancient demonic race, who turns out to be way groovier than Myfanwy could ever have imagined. K has no regrets. Khaki knows a lot about alphabets. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

35 · Poul Anderson's Tiger Ball Pit

Khaki & K — Thu, 29 Aug 2019 05:00:00 +0100

This week, in “The Game of Empire", by Poul Anderson: After a drunken wish, Princess Jasmine and her loyal tiger Rajah find themselves transported to a strange alien world where technology makes no sense and there's not a genie nor parrot in sight. K deals with an unwelcome double-helix. Khaki is dragged into Hell. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

34 · Charles L. Harness's Jonathan Jr. First Blood, Part III: Pig in the City

Khaki & K — Thu, 22 Aug 2019 04:30:00 +0100

This week, in “Krono", by Charles L. Harness: An embittered wife-and-husband team of planetary surveyors travel to the frontier wilderness of planet Krono, each scheming the other's demise, and find they have more in common than they ever thought. (Do you like piña coladas?) K questions Dorian Grey's gems. Khaki tries to impress at his first performance review. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

33 · Robert Schekley's Blacklight Barcode Ballet

Khaki & K — Thu, 15 Aug 2019 05:00:00 +0100

This week, in “Immortality, Inc.", by Robert Scheckley: In an alternate universe where the :CueCat became a success and this absurd device became essential for everyday life, replacing the written word with diagonal barcodes, the inventor of the QR code goes on the run to protect her invention from the Barcode Hegemony and ushers the Information Age into the second dimension. K looks forward to life returning to 'normal'. Khaki turns the tables and ruffles some feathers. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

32 · John Myers Myers' Dire Lyre Mire

Khaki & K — Thu, 08 Aug 2019 04:30:00 +0100

This week, in “The Harp and the Blade", by John Myers Myers: Two Quantum Leapers find themselves in pre-BCE England; unwilling to admit their true origin to each other they try to set right what once went wrong, unaware that they are, in face, what it is that went wrong. K sure does know a lot about druid stuff! Khaki introduces K to a cool new chair. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

31 · Esther Friesner's Two-Handed Pole-Arms

Khaki & K — Thu, 01 Aug 2019 03:52:50 +0100

This week, in “Chicks 'n Chained Males“, edited by Esther Friesner: Kenneth, a college DM accidentally transports himself to a world where those precious few fertile males are little more than valuable but mindless studs, where his encyclopedic nerdery is mistaken for the lost art of sorcery. K has a plan to end the predicament in the library. Khaki tries to stimulate his friend through trickery. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

30 · Open Day I

Khaki & K — Thu, 25 Jul 2019 04:30:00 +0100

Recorded in front of a live audience in the Czech Republic. #OccupyNottingham Worlds collide as quantums and franchises entangle: it's Open Day at the Library! Stalwart, if bewildered, Yours Trulies face the challenge of a real live audience with the same courage and determination as the heroes of this week's unlikely 'book'... K walks a mile (or week) in Khaki's shoes. Khaki adorably encourages audience participation. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

29 · Blake Whitecock Returns

Khaki & K — Thu, 18 Jul 2019 04:03:35 +0100

This week, in “Und Sie Lernen Es Nie“, by K. H. Scheer: Deep behind enemy lines, Blake Whitecock has to rely on unexpected friends when his wits and the fantastic gadgets of Q-division fail him, to vanquish his implacable enemies as the war heats up, in the stunning 25th-hebdomodariversary sequel to WASP. K will never let go of JJ Abrams' treatment of Star Wars physics. Khaki goes on the offensive against the quarrelsome velibraraptors. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

28 · Spider Robinson's Ornery Leopard

Khaki & K — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 04:00:00 +0100

This week, in “Telempath“, by Spider Robinson: The day after his daughter's wedding, having waved her off to her honeymoon cruise, retired artist Arthur Robinson sits alone in the park and finally eats the last lunch his late husband made for him... ...utterly soaked in LSD. K explains cheetahs and puppy-eyes. Khaki forgot that we were doing portmaneaus this week and puts everything he has into a Jersey joke. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

27 · Paul French's Hotshot Rock Knockers

Khaki & K — Thu, 04 Jul 2019 04:06:08 +0100

This week, in “Lucky Starr and the Pirates of the Astroids“, by Paul French: SpaceBall! With Solar Systems as their playing fields, hotshot rocket-jockeys knock big ol' rocks around gravity wells and planetary orbits, risking life and limb and continental devastation in hopes of slingshotting to intergalactic fame. Lucky Starr is an up-and-coming reporter embedded with the Pirates to record their meteoric rise, and discovers she has more in common with them than she would ever have suspected. K quotes Thor Odinsson from Avengers: Infinity War despite not having seen the film. Khaki hosts a fashion show.. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

26 · Roy Meyers's THOT To His Enemies

Khaki & K — Thu, 27 Jun 2019 05:00:00 +0100

Ayurvedic space hippies think they found the perfect gig, unaware that they're being exploited by scheming planetary real-estate developers — and the very wildlife they think they're protecting...“Destiny and the Dolphins“, by Roy Meyers Boom-Shankar, dear readers-at-home, let's have ourselves a good old-fashioned beach sesh! Make love, not peace. K explains about hemp. Khaki starts a new fashion-related quest. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

25 · Stephen Gresham's Swomp Thang

Khaki & K — Thu, 20 Jun 2019 04:04:00 +0100

The band didn't read the fine print before they took the new gig, so...“Dew Claws“, by Stephen Gresham. A country crawfish boil, a brandy glass full of brown M&M's, a record deal with fine print and before you know it a small-town band's dreams are blown way out of proportion. Count the toes and the dildos: the rise, fall and resurrection of Swomp Thang. K stealthily tosses a pen at Her Majesty. Khaki gets a promotion, which he now always has had. Special mention to @scattermoon on Twitter for her excellent literary accent joke and to to fabulous troubadour Cosmik for his superb song "Make America Great... Britain Again!" Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

24 · Dominique Verseau's Bringing Porn to the Pornless

Khaki & K — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 04:21:37 +0100

The first in a science fiction adventure series starring a beautiful sexologist on an intergalactic mission of love.“Yolanda, the Girl from Erosphere“, by Dominique Verseau. In a post-prude universe, a progressive scientist finds herself challenged by outmoded yet newfangled notions of propriety and we happily skate through our incomprehensive/ble knowledge of European sexual liberation. K introduces Khaki to the Book Repair Studio and reassures him repeatedly. Khaki clears his throat repeatedly and in different languages and recounts a visit to a museum in Berlin. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

23 · Robert E. Mills's Definitely Not Star Wars

Khaki & K — Thu, 06 Jun 2019 04:58:59 +0100

Dictatorial forces -- under orders from a cruel {Lord} -- hold the {Princess} hostage, in their efforts to quell the {rebellion}. A lowly {farm-boy} and the {scoundrel} captain of a quick ship, work together with the companionable {droid duo} to rescue the beautiful {princess}, help the {rebels}, and restore freedom and justice to the Galaxy. “Star Fighters“, by Robert E. Mills. We careen through our far-from-comprehensive knowledge of ‘70s swashbuckling space sci-fi as we share a bold and daring mission: review a Star Wars rip-off without ever saying ’Star Wars’. (We do not last long, but we take a mulligan and try again!) K has a morning after the night before. Khaki becomes creative with papier-maché. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

22 · Catherine Asaro's Fondling the Magic Deck

Khaki & K — Thu, 30 May 2019 04:44:31 +0100

"The Ruby Dice", by Catherine Asaro. This week we open the Grimoire Cage and unleash that most dangerous of bibliographic bogeymen: the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book! Your stalwart hosts recount very different experiences on their voyage through the number-coded pages of a vast and sprawling adventure, with naught but their wits — such as they are — and a studious commitment to sincere literary reportage to guide them. K battles a Space Dragon (who may or may not be a pirate). Khaki invents a collective noun for Velibraraptors. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

21 · Christopher Anvil's Katzendämmerung

Khaki & K — Thu, 23 May 2019 04:21:59 +0100

A gang of rogue geneticists, lead by an anarchic pharmacist-cum-messiah-figure, seek to turn the world order upside down by seeding the atmosphere with a virus that restructures human DNA to pull out animal traits. Robert Katz, an early test subject, must find a way to stop them. "RX for Chaos", by Christopher Anvil, as recommended by friend-of-the-library Old Pines. Continuing the trend of hunky cat-men that last appeared in the show back in episode 2, this week's book is all about the hubris of science, the mundanity of human experimentation, and the ecstasy of catnip. It also features our titular kitty-man running amok in a Tactical Jockstrap, which, you know, isn't bad. K reminds Khaki how time and calendars work. Khaki reenacts his favourite scene from Jurassic Park, with terrible results. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

20 · James P. Hogan's Rainbow Revolution

Khaki & K — Thu, 16 May 2019 05:58:59 +0100

“In a world where poor fashion-choices mean death, one man dared to wear orange.” The heir to an inter-stellar fashion empire, on an in-between year, uncovers an unlikely artefact of ancient Zambian space history and sparks a revolution – but the Fashion Police are always one step ahead... K recites the French irregular adjectives and explains where jeans go when they dye. Khaki recites one of his favorite limericks and defends JJ Abrams's oeuvre against unprovoked attacks. Bookmarked passages: Infrared ID photo, dental records, green boots, Brian Blessed!, Aldrin and Armstrong are hard to tell apart, Commonwealth of Milk & Honey, Space ZAKA, Tau Alpha Ceti, E before I except after C, Menzies where the Stenzies, Space Diaspora, the Planet of Jogging and Premarital Sex, Spanish naming convention, bleu-de-gênes jeans and bleu-de-nimes denim, Edward Nkoloso's Zambian Space Program, Olympic condom logistics, the world's funniest joke (Monty Python), Lovecraftian couture, dessin diabolique, Vantablack, purple reign, dying denim, ace in the hole, Star Wars and Star Trek's inscrutable internal consistency, Intergalactic Holi Festival, definitely unquestionably a book, rated Blue out of Rainbow. Selected quotes: "It's kind of left in the middle...– Oh, is it? Yeah, it's strange how when I when I point out obvious logical flaws and always turns out to be ambiguous in the book." "Where's the difference between grave-robbing and archaeology?" "The average Vomit-Comet doesn't do that much better, right?" "I will never forgivenes JJ Abrams for putting the Klingon Homeworld and Earth within transport a distance of each other." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

19 · Orson Scott Card's Gay Razzmatazz

Khaki & K — Thu, 09 May 2019 05:00:00 +0100

"In a world where science and engineering rule while magic merely serves, an industrialist aristocrat’s genius heir finds himself drawn to the allure of a novice kitchen-wizard." Young love blossoms in a world aswirl with conflicts both magical and mundane in an alternate Victorian era where Europe's class system changes under the influx of magical innovations from the flourishing African nations. All that fancy philosophy aside, a cover like this promises certain salacious same-sex shenanigans, and famed marriage-equality activist O. S. Card's saucy gay romance novel certainly delivers on its promise! K rates this book a B on the turgidity scale. Khaki crafts some convincing stilts. Bookmarked passages: More feathers for Phase Four, red ink protocol, Farscape slash fiction, Alvin Maker: The Sorceror-Slut, award-losing author, penis-equipped danders, David Bowie's ball handling, Chang & Eng, Brian Blessed, non-colonial Victorian era, cantrip parlors and back-alley tech clubs, recharging at the sex-garden, Orson Scott Card has a "type", bilingual street signs, Mormon multilingual WordPerfect, Stirling engines, popular polyandry, wizard unions, seizing the means of conjuration, Chuck Tingle's Brexit allegory, Bloise Idaho, a bit of a shit-bird. Selected quotes: "The gay sex does get in the way of the cooking. – Story of my life, really." "Whatever comes after post-modernism, that's Chuck Tingle." "A pre-shaprd tip is pressed into the subject at a pre-set force..." “It’s like the fluffer of modern technology.” "can't wait to get into his magic sack!" "Their eyes 'throbbed' at each other — that was a gross one!" “And he’s into reciprocation, which I like.” “So we have cat-fur and glass rods – and a lot of other rods being rubbed here, and a lot of magical power is released in the process!” Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

18 · Andre Norton's Shoshone-Suomi Showdown

Khaki & K — Thu, 02 May 2019 05:00:00 +0100

Poor timing abounds, as ancient secrets are accidentally unlocked through clumsy cultural appropriation – just as mankind prepares to abandon wonder forever. Rival thunder-god wanna-bes Yan-a-bumfit and Perkele enter the ring: place your bets! K recites the Rhyme of British Coinage. Khaki tells K about a Space Thing for a change. Bookmarked passages: Phase 1, Canadian Bear Man, six-wheeled fennecs, abridged and incomplete novels, Readers' Digest, sorting on the Z-axis, Supermarionation, multicultural wizard shaman, Twitter inconsistencies, rockets are quick, gyroc, Currywurst mit Pommes, Thunderbird VTOL aircraft, SANSA-JAXA collaboration, Kessler syndrome, "mopping with the tap running", Pocatello XVI, Snake People, Plains Sign Talk, Alejandro "Alex" Schomburg y Rosa, coin-op gods, are foreign F-bombs permitted, Isotopes of Old Money, telex-memex internet, fulgerite talisman, beating the drums, multi-tribal vocables Selected quotes: "Oh my god, feathers!" "Like Godzilla tromping around New York with a few bits of human clothing saying 'Ooh look at me, I'm getting a latte macchiato!'" "I would describe it as a Cobra Cat." "Let's not google it."– "Why waste an opportunity for ignorance and maybe a corrective tweet?" "Kill your loved ones."– "That's not how that saying goes!" "It's not head-canon when you write it." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

17 · Jerry Sohl's Nuclear Neo-Fascist Burning Man

Khaki & K — Thu, 25 Apr 2019 05:00:00 +0100

Urania returns! Amid the nuclear fires of post-war fascist Italy two avant-garde music acts vie for dominance over the future of European pop music, making unlikely friends and allies along the way. Geiger-punks vs X-Ray Anarchists! K tries to remember "that other vampire writer" and invents "La Bamba No. 5". Khaki needs to get his notes in order, and dwells on his time stuck in the glue traps. Bookmarked passages: Halfway between hooloovoo and octarine, was Homer color-blind? (yes), Byzantium, Italian Jack Skellington, simplified geography, Bobina the ghoul-monkey, wolves are a keystone species, Romanian is like dyslexic Latin, K's cool electric skateboard, podcasts aren't just for hearing folks, Latin is explicit, H. R. Giger-counter, Redhead from the Marvel Universe, Red Guy from Cow and Chicken, Monarch from Venture Brothers, Killface from Frisky Dingo, Vampirelli, Strix Squadron, Asterix and Obelix in Corsica, Mickey Mouse Gloves. Selected quotes: "I'm talking about Geiger, not Giger – the Swiss gross sex-robot artist." "The cheese? No, the city in Switzerland." "His body is a zentai with bones painted on it, but his head is an actual skull." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and www.covermyasscast.com.

16 · A Very No-Nipple Era

Khaki & K — Thu, 18 Apr 2019 03:10:33 +0100

"City on the Moon" by Murray LeinsterReviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Donald Atticus, an Earth journalist inspecting an absurdly-domed City On The Moon, becomes embroiled in inter-colonial conflict. But could hehave a secret agenda of his own? ...Yes. yes, he does have a secret agenda you got that, right? K quotes a Ukrainian colleague. Khaki warms up to Chewborka and invents the word 'hemitorus'. And a rival reviewer writes in! Bookmarked passages: Display prances, Fallopian and Eustachian tubes, methane-negative, Shackleton, Terry pratchett Stage Script, Potemkin Village, Pripyat and the Woodpecker, Señor Wellingcroft, every prepper's fantasy, Uranium Glass, Guy Noir, Bauhaus vs Rococo, Motorball from Alita, SCUBA regulator, buckminsterfullerine. "There's no holes in you yet.– Well, no more than usual." "And so Bugs Bunny is single-handedly responsible." "Yes, you can do it like that, if you want to do it stupid." "I shave, it's in canon." "He barely understands what’s going on; he’s just game – he doesn’t understand that he’s on Team Baddies" Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

15 · Let's Rod 'Em

Khaki & K — Thu, 11 Apr 2019 05:00:00 +0100

Operation: Damocles by Oscar L. FellowsReviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: K is hip with the kids' lingo and teaches Khaki lots of Space Things. Khaki explains his "photographic memory" and forgets the word "photo". Bookmarked passages: introducing Guinevere, no lasers in space, everything Icarus, the graveyard orbit, useless code names, Fortynite dances, is a jetpack a spacecraft, the secret city of Delaware, Camp Sandyballs, Navajo verb categorization, a three-way fuster-cluck, LSD all over again, agent Patroclus B, not a lot of Sapphic myths, hover-converted C-130, more than tungsten rods, the Gay Belt, Velibraraptor breeding program, a good Greek number "No, but the camera person doesn't have to be on the on the moon." "That's just bad spacemanship, really." "It's very... how to put it. – Stupid?Cinematic. It's very cinematic." "I'm going to tell Kerbal Space program you don't know that off the top of your head." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

14 · Kicked In The R’s

Khaki & K — Thu, 04 Apr 2019 05:00:00 +0100

"The Fourth "R"" by George O. Smith Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Rabble-rousing Rodrigo raucously rejects the ruling ranks and rocks out with rebellious renegades to reignite the revolution! Bookmarked passages: Glue Traps Part II, unused Genie bottles, constructivist art and Farscape, top-seasoning of an Executor Class Star Destroyer, Thinking Cap, Cathar gnostics, Taekwondo.exe, past tense of reading, three languages in a trench goat, George R. R. R. R. Martin, the Fourth Plinth, louder for the people at home, a Good Mind Number Selected quotes: "I just have a note that says PIRATES, exclamation mark!" "I especially liked the lion gentleman with the large..."—"Assets?" Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

13 · Musk Has the Dragon Capsules

Khaki & K — Thu, 28 Mar 2019 06:00:00 +0100

"The Secrets of the Martian Moons" by Donald A. Wollheim Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: Peerson Starshine has just been pod-jacked and fights for his life among mountains of Space Guano – ah, who are we kidding! In this episode we tell stories about bridges and brides while imagining a parallel universe where our recommendations and reviews are actually accurate. K does some excellent foley work. Khaki names a Welsh town. Bookmarked passages: the Glue Traps of Hubris, Wotherington Lancelot II(I), Sexy Ginger Chris Pine, Nipples Everywhere, Betteridge's Law, Oprah's Shama, $15 Before Bed, Vampiric Space Bats, Callback To Episode 4, Listeners in Wales, Sex Bomb, Llanfair, Venusian Valleys and Spare Soyuz, Mutton Stock and Leek Futures, Laika vs Gelert, Ljubljana vs Virgins, Hard Vodka Wedding, Stop and Over, and Popty Ping. "À propos, I would give it some lesbian gyros." "...which is a bad joke and an FDA violation." "This One Weird Trick that NASA doesn't want you to know about." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

12 · Fish Fingers — Not Flounder Gloves

Khaki & K — Thu, 21 Mar 2019 05:17:45 +0100

"Time to Teleport" by Gordon R. Dickson Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: continuity rears its head, and we learn an important lesson from a disgruntled scientist's journey through time and space! Do we learn from our past and work to build a better future or do we pull our chrono-spatial ripcord and nope-out? K practices championship-level technobabble. Khaki has too many notes to comprehend, so many notes. Bookmarked passages: Look out below, Booze Chess, completely ferschnickered, George the Teleport Luddite, so many notes, last week's CRAB adventure, real life time warp, don't snort red ink, fish massacre, technobabble, English vs American Kitchen Nightmare, 52 minutes, a story from the Koran, French Revolution — whoops, a little Finnish, a middle finger to the author, Team Pamela, holes in the hardwood, two fish out of five loaves, no good number. "Am I confusing pottery and restaurants again?" Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

11 · A Moebius Ring-World

Khaki & K — Thu, 14 Mar 2019 05:43:37 +0100

"Multiface" by Mark Adlard Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: We're getting really good at notes, and wield them like little sticky-yellow shuriken! We learn about Spocking, meow at a lemniscate, give a poor review to a book we haven't read, and immediately feel bad about it. So sorry, mister Adlard. K swoons over David Tennant cuddling kittens. Khaki has a bad case of Paper Fever and scores 10 points! Bookmarked passages: Fuck Essential Oils, Fall Out Pip Boy, Art Deco via Art Nouveau via Pop Art, Gleaming like a Chrome Batmobile, Lemnis-cat, Froot by the Foot, In For A Jacuzzi, Counting the wheels, Space Drinks, Tortellini of the Lungs, When Harry Met Sally: the Next Generation, a happy-ending version of Thelma & Louise, a Good Ring Number "I've been car-adjacent. I have been party to cars." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

10 · Not How You Eat Fugu

Khaki & K — Thu, 07 Mar 2019 05:00:00 +0100

"Crabs: the Human Sacrifice" by Guy N. Smith Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which: the Sea Can't Hold Them, We Can't Stop Them, and They're Here to Kill! But a toxin-resistant trainee sous-chef and a plucky band of unlikely heroes valiantly resist the hordes of vicious decapods. Will they win, or are their clams royally baked? K does some suspicious Googling. Khaki learns a recipe for grilled bookworms. Bookmarked passages: Khaki the Skywalker, Eco-gnome-ics 101, the Pen is a Mighty Harpoon, the Podcast Segue Award 2019, Gondwanaland Broke up, How to Survive Fugu Poisoning, a Good Crab Number "The only problem is the Ring of Fire." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

9 · Sucked into the Cyber-Quilt

Khaki & K — Thu, 28 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0100

"Lost in Cyberspace" by Richard Peck Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we try something new with our notes and it goes very well indeed, resulting in a sexless late-90s Weird Science / Tron hybrid set in the digital equivalent of Pennsylvania. K mimes Cupid instead of Hunger Games. Khaki just wants something to thump. Bookmarked passages: Tensing Norgay, Teenagers played by Twentysomethings, Eighties Mega-Perm, the Source Quilt, TCP over Carrier Pigeon, Maybe Just a Nibble, Ouroboros of Hubris, A Good Cyber-Number "They're good bytes, Brent." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter, Gmail and the good old-fashioned web.

8 · Lips That Touch 'Nip

Khaki & K — Thu, 21 Feb 2019 05:19:55 +0100

"Godsfire" by Cynthia Felice Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we read the Little Librarianess's favorite book. The ancients return to plunge Earth in a fiery flea-dip rule over humanity with a velvet paw – but the Cat Ladies have a plan to save us: drugs. Khaki apologizes insincerely for saying 'purrchandise'. K brandishes a spray bottle. Bookmarked passages: Frighteningly graphic "catch and release", Renaissance Van Dyke, Apparatchik vs Capo, the Order of the Pearl Necklace, Athens is not a bad place to be, frazzled whiskers and bent ears, two out of nine hairballs. "That's what you get when you rub rods on cat fur." Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

7 · Trekkies at a Ren Fair

Khaki & K — Thu, 14 Feb 2019 06:45:00 +0100

"Tam Son of the Tiger" by Otis Adelbert Kline Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we examine the tragic consequences of rival fandoms clashing and the embrace a glimmer of hope for harmony when we learn to see the world through someone else's eyes, coming closer together as friends. K compares jungle flora to a Matryoshka Brain and Khaki builds a tipi out of books. Bookmarked passages: Mowgli is from the Internet Subconscious, the Jungles of Kew Gardens, the Opposite of a Simile, Tigers Don't Happen in Africa, Magic Missile Slapfight, Furries + Juggalos, A Good Coconut Number Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

6 · Rome Money, Rome Problems

Khaki & K — Thu, 07 Feb 2019 06:00:00 +0100

"I Paria dell'Atomo" by Max-André Rayjean Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we pretend to espouse opinions and attitudes not our own and, golly-gee willickers, we're just no dang good at it. We sure do try, though! Bookmarked passages: What do we feed books? Ray-Gun, Rosie the Roomba, the Outcast Neutron, Mark Wahlberg the Martian, from Billiamo to Spock, Esmengelbert's Bum, Gluten-free Cat, a Bad Hit from a Hoe. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

5 · After Eating the Missionary

Khaki & K — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 06:45:00 +0100

"The Drums of Tapajos" by Colonel S. P. Meek Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which Khaki distracts K to converse directly with the readers at home, and we fall deeper into the madness of arguing passionately about a book we haven't read. We wisely pull the ripcord before it's too late. The spoiler warning is therefore entirely superfluous, but hey, at least it's there! Bookmarked passages: the remains of Decimal Dewey, a Touch o' the Ol' Syphilis, Bill the Pony vs Artax, Gaslighting Our Canadian friend, Tezcatlipoca, Drummer Jokes. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

4 · Riddled with Johnson's Tubes

Khaki & K — Thu, 24 Jan 2019 06:30:00 +0100

"WASP" by Eric Frank Russell (or maybe Eric, Frank and Russell) Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we meet beloved but problematic literary legend Blake Whitecock, delve into the geopolitical reality of the Falklands Cold War, and pitch a movie version with two Anne Hathaways and a Halle Berry. Bookmarked passages: Burning Fahrenheit 451, Which One Is Enid Blyton Again, Nubbly Bits on What I Think is the Jet, Fantastic Lesbian Subtext, Scramjet Tracheae, Teniente-Coronel Jones, Llama vs Llama, Animals We Hope Would Run Out of Air Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

3 · Snake Starts with an S

Khaki & K — Thu, 17 Jan 2019 03:00:00 +0100

"Deryni Checkmate" by Katherine Kurtz (or maybe the other way around?) Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K.

In which we discuss the names of medieval armour, whether 'scallop' or 'scallion' is a better job, and fail to escape the 'Explicit' tag by the skin of our teeth.

Bookmarked passages: Not a NYT Bestseller, A Lot Happening on the Front, Point at Egbert, Cuirass or Tabbard, Retroactive Chamber of Secrets Ripoff, Teetering on the Prepuce, The Milk Boy Dafydd, and Seven is a Good Snake Number.

Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

2 · Asymmetrical Twenty-nine-pack

Khaki & K — Thu, 10 Jan 2019 06:30:00 +0100

"Dagger's Point" by Anne Logston Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which we accidentally started inventing a pretty good book to argue about before we remembered what we were doing. Oops! Bookmarked passages: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Sphinx cats' bronzed oiled skin, Towers or toars, 4-foot tabby lynx, Bob Ross?, Glaive on a stick, THE TUFTS, The Segue Award 2018, StormFangBloodMoon II, a wild idea for a podcast. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.

1 · A Little Bump of Lunar Regolith

Khaki & K — Thu, 03 Jan 2019 03:56:00 +0100

"Aliens From Space" by David Osborne Reviewed (but not read) by Khaki & K. In which it begins! Cover My Ass is a podcast where Baffling Books Are Reviewed (But Not Read!) starting with "Aliens from Space" by David Osborne. The cover almost makes us wish we'd read the book... Bookmarked passages: 45-caliber bookworms, the Democracy of Rocket Equation, Is Frank Herbert dead, Earth is a big pumpkin, "it gives the fingers stain", they're not Zorglabians, all the cool aliens and their genitals, snorting is the way to go, all the way to the appendix, and sometimes a handshake is a handjob. Find CoverMyAssCast on Twitter | Gmail | web.