In 2 Kings, we read about a widow whose children would be taken into slavery in order to pay the family’s debts. This was standard practice back then. But, what family would ever want to be broken up simply for trying to live? Obviously, that is not standard practice today, but finding ourselves in tough financial times can happen to any family. So, let’s discuss five steps we need to take based on 2 Kings 4:1-7

(paraphrased slightly for time’s sake) [The widow] cried out to Elisha, “My God-fearing husband has died. Now, the creditor is coming to take my two children as his slaves.” Elisha asked her, “What can I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” She said, “Your servant has nothing in the house except a jar of oil.” Then he said, “Go out and borrow empty containers from all your neighbors. Do not get just a few. Then go in and shut the door behind you and your sons, and pour oil into all these containers. Set the full ones to one side.” So she left. After she had shut the door behind her and her sons, they kept bringing her containers, and she kept pouring. When they were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another container.” But he replied, “There aren’t any more.” Then the oil stopped. She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go sell the oil and pay your debt; you and your sons can live on the rest.”

So, what can we learn from this story?

First, appeal to God. The widow appealed to God’s prophet Elisha, but we have the privilege of going directly to our heavenly Father. Bring your prayers and outpouring of fear, concerns, and frustrations to the Lord. He can handle hearing all of it, even if it is from a situation you or someone in your family created.

Second, be willing to use what you already have. Sometimes, God drops manna from heaven because He knows we have no resources. And, other times, He will expect us to be aware of our current blessings and abilities, so mark them all down. Leave nothing out. Maybe you are great at cleaning the house as a family. Ask your church if they need extra hands for the cleaning crew. If your church can’t pay, maybe then your kids can attend camp at no cost. You get the idea.

Third, humble yourselves. Specifically, realize that you may need to ask for help. The widow and her sons asked all their neighbors for their vessels. By asking, they had to admit to these people that they were in need. While we may want to keep our financials in the dark, the reality is that if we are going to trust God, sometimes, we have to open our lives up to others’ awareness.

Fourth, wherever the Lord leads your family to work, barter, or get help, put your full effort into it – in front of and behind the scenes. The widow and her sons were the only ones who knew what was happening behind the scenes. And, that is ok. In fact, it is good. We don’t need to always live in a spotlight. We want God to be the one to get the glory, not ourselves.

Fifth, expect that God will do more than you expected. The oil kept pouring, so the widow asked for another vessel. And, she didn’t know what the oil filling was for. She did each step without knowing what the full detailed outcome would be but she trusted in the Lord, nonetheless. Not only did God’s provision cover debt, it gave this family the opportunity to stay together and have something to live on.

If these five steps don’t apply to you because you are not a family in need at this time, pay attention for signs that someone around you might be in need. Be approachable. Don’t just try to throw money at the problem. Maybe mom or dad needs help writing a quality resume. Maybe they need a cooked meal delivered with all the fixin’s and drinks, big enough for leftovers, to ease a bit of the scheduling burden and give them a bit of breathing room. Listen and try to point out their talents and what they do have while praying for God to move.

Being in a tough financial spot as a family can be challenging, but if you stand together, work together, and pray together, God can and will see you through it. Be blessed!

Again, let us define what we are not talking about today. We are not talking about needing a new job to make ends meet or leaving a toxic work environment; we are not talking about leaving an abusive family member for your protection and the protection of your loved ones, and we are not talking about leaving an unbiblical gathering of people that calls itself a church. We are talking about you – those of you who fit the following description - your work environment is healthy, your family is ok, and your church stands on biblical principles. You – you don’t want to engage in these or other relational areas of your life, and it isn’t because you are depressed. You are bored.

You might not think you are bored, but the “every day” of your routine, the knowing how a family member will respond before you even see them, the constant tradition of church and church events… all of those put your mind on automatic pilot and can become tiresome. You want something new, something different. Think about that for a minute. As you desire “something new,” it means that you no longer have the same interest in the “something old.” Leaving some or all of your relationships simply over boredom seems extreme, yet if more people were more self-aware, they would see that is exactly what they have done or are contemplating doing. Hopefully, you are not in the “have done it” category, but you might be in the “contemplating it” category or the “I hadn’t even realized I was going down this road” category.

So, start with putting your devices down! Phones and other electronic devices offer up new images every second. The authors of one journal analysis stated that “digital media increases boredom through dividing attention, elevating desired level of engagement, reducing sense of meaning, heightening opportunity costs, and serving as an ineffective boredom coping strategy.” And, the reality is that most of us have made idols of our digital media devices. We need to meditate on Psalm 135:15-18 “The idols of the nations are silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but do not speak; they have eyes, but do not see; they have ears, but do not hear, nor is there any breath in their mouths. Those who make them become like them, so do all who trust in them.”

Do the next thing you need to do, no matter how you feel about it. Sometimes, we need to do what we need to do without the emotions. Feelings of happiness are not a promise. However, joy is a promise when we work with the Holy Spirit. It is a choice and a skill, not a feeling. Part of practicing the skill of joy is taking our thoughts captive and choosing to avoid complaining, and that includes internal complaining even if we have our external complaining under control. God tells us in Philippians 2:14 “Do all things without complaining or arguments” for good reason.

And, speaking of good, are you looking for the good things that happened today? Practice gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Take time to write out the good things that are happening every single day.

Our fourth tip today is to get outside. There are numerous studies showing that getting into nature can help reduce feelings of isolation, promote calm, and lift your mood. One recent study of 20,000 participants revealed that you must spend at least two hours per week in green spaces to report better psychological health. Sit outside to drink your midmorning coffee at work, go for a walk with loved ones after dinner, and plan a church fellowship at the local park.

And, finally, do try something new… something new that grows with all the relationships you have in your life right now. Maybe ask work if you can head up a different project or go to a course to expand your knowledge. Ask your loved ones to change up what parts of the daily routine that you can. Try a different Sunday school class or start a Bible study at home. Proverbs 21:5 encourages us to plan and be diligent - “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

Remember five-minute families, don’t throw away your lives looking for the easiest path for change – such as those devices. Look for ways to enrich your life and the lives of your loved ones by dropping the boredom and building strong, exciting memories together. Be blessed!

Previously, we mentioned how feelings should not be our guides. Specifically, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.” Along those lines, I recently heard the quote, “All emotion is information.” So, today, we want to dive deeper into how an individual needs to evaluate his or her own emotions as information and how parents can help children learn this skill. Evaluating our emotions and gleaning the information they are telling us are important steps to having healthy family relationships.

If you have any social media account or watch any screen today, you know that there is so much self-care, self-help, trauma-informed, information floating around out there. Some of it is good and helpful, but some of it leads us into so much focus on self that we literally make ourselves our own god. We are not encouraging you to be so self-focused that you idolize self. Remember, James 4:10, Matthew 23:12, and other verses encourage us to humble ourselves. That means we have to focus our “emotion as information” search on, ultimately, how this helps us grow closer to the Lord.

If you or someone in your family needs to do a deep dive into the reasons behind their emotions, here are five ways to get started on building a strong emotional self-control:

Use an emotions wheel. There are numerous ones out there, but sometimes simply saying, “I’m angry” doesn’t really convey the depth of the emotion or the impact it is having on us and our family. An emotions wheel or chart will give you a way to better pinpoint what your emotion is and what it is telling you.

Identify negative patterns. You can do this through charting. Write down what negative behaviors you or your loved one exhibited. Include then the emotions that you or they can identify came before the behavior as well as the situation you were in. If you or your child aren’t able to follow the patterns yourself, help one another. Parents, we somewhat naturally notice patterns in our children’s behavior, but if we cannot see the patterns in our own, we must ask someone else to keep the chart for us (and we have to be open to honesty).

Journal. I know, I know. A lot of people say, but I’m not a writer. Well, ok, then. Be like David and play an instrument, see what different chords you play more often in certain emotional states. If you don’t write or play music, then listen to others’ music. Write down what music makes you feel better and what music causes negative reactions to unfold. Also in the line of journaling, without worrying about making complete sense to someone else, write down single words or phrases that seem to come to your mind often.

Watch others. People watching is more than just a pastime. It is helpful to evaluate emotions that you watch others go through. Of course, it is a bonus if you can have a thoughtful conversation and see if your ideas were correct. In the home, this means that we parents cannot assume what our children’s tones or facial expressions mean. Share what you think or how you interpret them, but then let your child give you feedback on whether you are correct. You could even use the emotional wheel for clarification.

And, last on our list for today… Seek support. Speak with your pastor, mentor, coach, a trusted friend, or possibly even a medical professional. If you feel as if your emotions are out of control, or that you are angry all the time, you may need someone to help you sort through all those emotions and thoughts.

We become better able to take our negative thoughts captive when we properly evaluate the emotions that precede those negative thoughts. The Holy Spirit gives us guidance. Read God’s word daily, and pray continually, especially if someone in your home is having emotional control issues. An angry parent is scary to children and an out-of-control teenager can cause harm to the household needs. So, parents, remember to demonstrate the emotional control process for your children. It is a skill set that is learned.

As always, we are thankful that you joined us today. Clear View Retreat is a nonprofit organization that exists to draw families closer together, so check out our website at clearviewretreat.org and let us know how we can support your family or community. Be blessed!

Our loved ones reach out in myriad ways throughout the day. Dr. John Gottman found that in marriages where spouses only responded to those attempts to connect about one third of the time, the couple was less happy than in marriages where spouses responded to each other nine out of ten times.

This makes me think of how in the Psalm 13 opens with the statement “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” And later in the same psalm, “But I have trusted in your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.” Those same feelings can accompany being ignored, but remember we are all human and are not perfect and we can trust in the goodness of God and try to be the nine out of ten times responder.

Currently, I am going through some medical stuff. I keep talking to and showing Jim my concerns. He looks every time and gives me a sympathetic response. He can’t fix it, and there really isn’t much he can do to help, but he acknowledges my pain and discomfort and still periodically asks if there is anything he can do for me. It means the world to me that he acknowledges what I am going through.

Five points to remember when you are working to make sure you are responding well - or getting better about responding…

Even when you “aren’t feelin’ it,” you need to respond positively to your loved ones, or, well, maybe that should be ESPECIALLY when you aren’t feelin’ it. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is an action. God’s word describes love as an action word because it is bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Spend some time this week with your family reading and memorizing 1 Corinthians 13. When you meditate on God’s ACTIONS of love, you will find that it will become easier and easier to respond in love, no matter what you are feeling in the moment.

Plan screen-free or device-free times in your family. We are all too distracted to-day. Train your brain away from the dopamine response of the devices and instead get the “feel good” hormone of dopamine by making time to eat together and exercise together. Go for a walk, turn on the music and dance. You get the idea.

The flip side of device-free time would be to use your devices as tools for connection. Set reminders, share memes, text one another, video chat, and of course call. Folks have the possibility of being more connected than ever, if we would simply use the tools we have wisely.

If you didn’t hug back or respond in real time, seek out your child or spouse, and ask for a do-over. Apologize if needed and then hug. Research shows that a 20 second hug can help to decrease the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, increase the levels of the “feeling connected” hormone oxytocin levels, and to facilitate bonding between partners. One study shows that the length of our hugs matters more than the number of hugs, though, truthfully, with teenagers, you may need to keep your hugs short if you have a teen who is struggling with hugging for a time.

God is all about connection. Just think about Romans 5:8, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” As well as John 15:5, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him pro-duces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me.” God is our model of intentional intimacy. Seek Him and He will guide your attempts at connection.

No matter where you are on the “responding to one another” spectrum, remember that we can all stand to improve while walking this earthly life. God transforms hearts, and transformed hearts can learn to communicate more effectively and love more deeply than they ever thought possible. Be blessed!

Our expectations dictate our contentment with our circumstances. Back in serf and lord days, serf uprisings were actually not a common occurrence. When they did happen, the quality of life expectations of the poor serfs' changed. When the little l lord didn't meet the change in expectations, an uprising would occur.

Our history-buff son shared with us that this is a concept of relative poverty. Basically, if you expect a certain lifestyle and you have what you expect, you don't feel poor… Or neglected or misunderstood.

Is there a member of your family with unmet expectations? Someone who is feeling poor despite the wealth of love or met needs surrounding them. For example, a child who believes he or she should have a cell phone. That kiddo will often be combative and disrespectful despite the conversations you have had with them a million times about why they don't have one yet. Unmet expectations

Five important points to remember about knowing your and your family members' expectations are:

First, meditate on Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." In other words, God already knows our expectations. Are we willing to admit them to ourselves? To our family? Are we willing to take our expectations to God and allow Him to adjust them properly?

Second, Proverbs 10:28 reminds us that "The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." Are we as a family expecting good and godly things from one another, or are we wanting to pretend Robin Hood's stealing was fully justified because he gave to the poor? That we as a family can behave badly when our expectations are left unmet and then explain them away because another family member also behaved badly. It is a cycle we have to choose to stop.

Third, as a five minute family, meaning we are a family running after God, we must commit to knowing God's expectations of us. In Micah 6:8 "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" How many of us expect to be able to "get back" at the person who wronged us - or wronged our kid. How many of us are unkind... especially when we're driving? How many of us are such huge "sport fans" that we act like idiots when our kids are playing, no humility and no self-control?

Fourth, 2 Corinthians 9:8 states, "and God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work." If we expect to have better jobs, better homes, better cars, etc, we need to reevaluate what we are focused on. We need to hold to the sufficiency of God, trusting Him to provide our needs.

And fifth, let's turn to Acts 3. In verse 5 we learn that the lame man was expecting some-thing from Peter and those with him, "And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them." The lame man was expecting something. He expected a hand-out, a few coins to help him be able to eat. But, Acts 3:6 tells us that Peter responded, “I don’t have silver or gold, but what I do have, I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!” Peter gave what he had! The lame man got so much more than what he expected. What about your family? Have you ever chosen to lavish them with the best you have to offer despite their only asking for a lollipop?

Family member's expectations impact the family unit and, ultimately, the family identity. Make sure your family is keeping the lines of communication open. As we have discussed before unexpressed expectations can lead to alot of unnecessary hurts, so be willing to listen without judgment and go back into God's word for evaluation and possible adjustment to your expectations. Be blessed!

Kim Scott states that “Radical Candor® is what happens when you show someone that you [c]are [p]ersonally while you [c]hallenge [d]irectly, without being aggressive or insincere.” When Scott plots her two key ideas – care personally as the y-axis and challenge directly as the x-axis – into four quadrants, she has ‘ruinous empathy’ for high caring and low challenging which becomes unspecific praise and sugar-coated criticism. In low caring and low challenging quadrant, ‘manipulative insincerity’ manifests as insincere praise and harsh criticism. In the high challenge and low care quadrant, you find ‘obnoxious aggression’ which comes out as insincere praise and unkind criticism. And, again, in the high caring personally and high challenging directly quadrant you find Scott’s concept of ‘radical candor’ which is sincere praise with direct and kind criticism. *whew*

Using four quadrants to – somewhat – succinctly explain the basic interaction of two concepts is an age-old visual aid. In our research we found Robert Turner using it to ex-plain discipleship as well as Dimitri Glazkov further developing his fallback theory within Scott’s ‘radical candor.’ While there are numerous enlightening four-quadrant graphics to learn from, we are going to discuss intentional intimacy primarily from Kim Scott’s radical candor illustrative quadrants that we just described and a little from Dr. Robert Kellemen’s style of parenting graphic in Gospel Centered Family Counseling (a grace-focused parenting family living and counseling theory).

Radical candor can be applied to families, but let’s also review CVR’s intentional intimacy concept before we merge the two. We define intentional intimacy as “the passion and desire to pursue being known and to know another deeply for the glory of God.” Every relationship we have can benefit from a mindset of intentional intimacy, even random meetings in life. Unfortunately, many people prefer to get good at interactions with strangers and acquaintances but neglect their own family, and we want that to change dramatically for families. If we get into the practice of desiring to know others for the glory of God, we must choose to also express radical candor in caring for and challenging one another.

In the numerous “one-anothering” verses we have shared with you all through the years, the elements of caring for one another and challenging one another are already there. Radical candor is required to live out those verses.

John 13:34-35, John 15:12-13, Luke 10:25-37, and Romans 13:8-10 are just four of the sets of verses that admonish us to “Love one another.” And, of course, we cannot forget the second commandment of Jesus’s – love your neighbor.

In Ephesians 4:11-16 we are reminded to equip one another through speaking the truth in love.

Colossians 3:15-17 continues to point out that we are to teach and admonish one another with all wisdom – God’s wisdom.

And, Romans 15:14 rounds out our reminders of one anothering for today when it tells us to instruct one another.

One-anothering behaviors are essential to living a life of intentional intimacy, and the two pillars of intentional intimacy we teach in our family camps are family discipleship and biblical community. Family should be our first ministry. Family is also the primary mission field we will encounter as parents; thus, family is the first biblical community we are to interact with. The only thing that makes a community truly biblical is to stand on God’s truth. Likewise, family discipleship is the ultimate show of love within the context of family.

God’s truth and God’s love are the most basic summaries of biblical community and family discipleship, again those two pillars of intentional intimacy. So, if we plot God’s love and God’s truth for our y- and x-axes for intentional intimacy, we can see how much the concepts line up with radical candor.

Please join us next week as we continue this discussion of intentional intimacy and radical candor. We’ll get into some examples of radical candor in the business world and examples of intentional intimacy in the family. Be blessed!

I was reading an article recently, actually, I think it was a Facebook post. And in it the woman stated, "I had small children and could feel pieces of my former identity slipping away." I remembered a moment when Jim and I first got married and my saying to him, “I went from being primarily a daughter, aunt, and teacher to being a wife, mother, and jobless in six weeks’ time." One could say I was having a bit of an identity crisis.

But the reality is that, when a new family is formed through marriage, we have the opportunity to be intentional about what type of identity our family will develop. We have to choose to think about some of the bigger questions.

First, take time to discuss “What is our family's purpose?” Psalm 96:3 reads "Declare his glory among the nations. His wondrous works among all people." A Christian, five-minute family must have as its primary purpose bringing glory to God. Now, what other purposes God has for a unique family will vary greatly, but you still must intentionally discuss and pray about what your family purpose is.

Second, evaluate what individual talents and weaknesses your family needs to ac-count for. Think for a while on Joshua 1:9, "Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." We are to be strong in the Lord, in the unique gifts and talents He gives us, and we need to acknowledge and rightly deal with any of our weaknesses.

Third, ask yourselves “How do we serve God and others?” Just as we are each given different gifts and talents, each family will serve in God’s kingdom in different ways. Some of you are musical; some of you build things. Some families will be full-time homeland or international missionaries while other families will serve those they work with in a regular 9-5 type job. Keep in mind Joshua 24:15, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

Fourth, for the parents, consider, “What do we want our children to think or feel when they reflect back on their childhood and adolescence?” Proverbs 10:7 re-minds us that "The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot." And Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." We must make sure that our children’s home life focuses on the righteousness and goodness of God above all else. If we sink into only experiences or material possessions, we have lost sight of the most important thing we are to instill in them, as Deut. 6:4-8 reminds us, “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.”

Fifth, contemplate the question, “What do we not give up on?” Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” We are NOT to give up on love, on family, on God’s desire for us to share with everyone about His saving grace.

If you need to rest, rest. If you need to change course, change course. If you need to ask for forgiveness and work to mend relationships, do so. Never forget that it is never too late to do the right thing while you draw breath on this earth. God wants your family to be intentional in your family identity formation. He wants you to experience the abundant love He has for your family. Be blessed!

Before we discuss five ideas for helping one another, please remember that not everyone in the family faces the level of devastation from the same event. Of course, sometimes, the devastating event only happened to one member of the family, but as we work together as a unit, we are each impacted by those things that impact another. Sometimes, when devastation is an individual event, the individual thinks they must get through the following consequences and emotions on their own. Others may think their family is re-sponsible to help them in an almost entitled way. We must recognize the differences of impact while not isolating ourselves or our loved one in the process.

When our fifth son died, our whole family experienced the same event, and yet, Jedidiah’s death impacted each of us quite differently. One son was going through a time of bullying, but he didn’t want to burden us with his concerns because of the pain he could see etched on our faces. He didn’t resent his baby brother, but he was struggling because he knew that his baby brother’s death had forever changed our family dynamic and thus our family identity. One son had been in the room when we received Jedi’s ashes. He be-came angry and acted out but couldn’t communicate why. Our youngest son lost not just a sibling but the opportunity to become a big brother; he was so looking forward to becoming more like his own big brothers in that way.

Jim dove even more deeply into God’s Word. He had already not missed a day of Bible reading in I don’t know how long, but he become protective of his time with God. I couldn’t. I wanted to be calm and kind to our living children, but everything upset me. I didn’t know why God would allow such devastation into our lives, so when I did try to read His word or praise Him in worship, it usually ended in extreme anger. I found that I couldn’t even pray. My last prayer before Jedidiah died was that the Lord would take Him so that he wouldn’t suffer anymore. His very next apnea episode was his last. He died in my arms, the fear radiating from his eyes into my soul.

Five of the takeaways we learned from that season of mourning and grieving were:

First, acknowledge your own and others’ emotions. Hiding them away won’t help and pretending that you feel what someone else does because you think that is what they need won’t help either. Remember, anger is usually about something deeper. And, a lack of tears does not mean someone isn’t hurting. Share honestly and listen nonjudgmental-ly.

Take care of yourself when you can. When you have the energy or ability to take steps forward in physical, emotional, or spiritual well-being, do so. Even baby steps will help you face each new day.

Let others take care of you when you can’t. As we mentioned in our shared story, some-times a loved one is in a place of loathing or depression or something else that does not allow them to do what they ought. In some cases, take a plate of food for them if your loved one isn’t eating. Don’t admonish them if they only take one bite. Keep bringing the food. And, for those of you not caring for yourself, take a bite. If you can’t do more, just take the first bite.

Try not to make other major life changes that are not absolutely necessary at this time. A family we knew wanted to sell their house where their daughter died immediately after her death. Everyone recommended they wait one year. The mom told me she wouldn’t change her mind. They still live in that home. The memories that she thought would drive her crazy have become sweet reminders of love and joy.

Be patient with one another. It can be hard if one member of the family handles a devastating event better than another. Jim didn’t judge my lack of drawing closer to God or not crying out to Him about this sinful fallen world. He prayed for me; he asked our friends to pray for me. He asked our kids to pray for me. He patiently waited until the Holy Spirit could reach the walled off parts of my heart and mind.

Five minute families, hold tight to Psalm 34:18 in periods of devastation: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” And remember Revelation 21:4, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Thank you for listening. Be blessed!

As a family, we must remember fundamental truths about WHO we are in Christ. We are created in the image of God. After we have made a profession of faith, we are valuable to God as His children and as His friends. We are born of the spirit, eternally secure in God’s love. We are abiding branches in God’s tree of life, given His peace and reconciled unto Him. We will never be condemned. We are God’s heirs adopted into His forever family, chosen by grace and called into intimate fellowship with Him. Do you treat one another this way?

Also as a family, we must keep at the forefront of our minds WHOSE we are. We must never forget that God is sovereign, righteous, just, and merciful. He is personal; he knows the number of hairs on our heads. He is all-powerful and omnipresent. He never changes and thus is holy, faithful, merciful, and loving, no matter what we do.

If your family has lost sight of WHO and WHOSE you are, then we suggest these five steps to draw closer to God and to one another.

Start small. Just like needing to lose weight, a person who goes on a crash diet might achieve some weight loss, but they will likely gain it all back again and quite possibly more. Those people who succeed in losing weight and keeping it off make dietary lifestyle changes that are sustainable and long-lasting. Loving God is the truest, longest-lasting lifestyle change. However, if you make a long crazy list of all the spiritual disciplines and try to change everything at once, you may give up a short time in. But, if you pray about the spiritual disciplines, choose one, and become diligent about implementing that change, you can then layer on more and more god-honoring habits as time progresses, building your family up. Meditate on Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

As in all goal setting, write down your plan for change. 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 brings this encouragement, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”

Third, each family member must choose to support one another. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training up a child is not about teaching them the family business or the skill that mom or dad wishes they had been taught. Genuine support for one another is about spending time together, getting to know one another’s uniqueness, and following God’s guidance into the unique areas each of you have been equipped for.

Fourth, get a mentor or mentor family. Apply 1 Timothy 4:7-8, “Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” Prayerfully, learn to live life together, learning and growing and holding one another accountability. Don’t fall into the sinful trap of feeling envious or inadequate when around other god-fearing families. Each family has its own challenges. Build one another up and turn to God and God alone for the source of your strength.

And, last, extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness liberally. Remember that Christ died for ALL of our sins; the ones we committed before knowing Him AND the ones we commit after knowing Him. But, if God, in His holy glory, continues to apply His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, then we must follow His lead and understand that our children and our spouses and we ourselves will sin again, and we can find reconciliation. Getting Ephesians 4:22-24 right takes time. Walking like Christ means “To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Five minute families, thank you for joining us today. Draw closer to one another and draw closer to God, five minutes at a time. Be blessed!

But, there are times when their mispronunciations will become part of the family fabric. Grandparent names often come from these. We had a friend who corrected every single mispronunciation of not only her own children but every child she interacted with. Once, when I used a mispronunciation our children used often, she admonished me. It was odd, honestly.

Baby babble and toddler speak are not wrong. It’s learning. There are times when correcting their words is necessary, but there are times when simply saying them correctly ourselves when we speak will be enough.

My friend’s staunch and almost fierce response about toddler speak was quite off-putting. I was afraid to make an error in front of her; I cannot imagine how her children felt.

Of course, if our spouse or child is saying something that is a lie or that is inaccurate to the meaning of the situation, then correction is necessary. We cannot forget the many verses like

Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Correction can be a good and right thing. So, let’s explore how a five-minute family can correct one another biblically and lovingly.

First, each of us must do some self-examination. I have seen spouses who loved one another and the Lord, and yet, when one constantly corrects the other one, even jokingly, it begins to wear on the partner, and their relationship. In one marriage, we saw the highly intelligent husband “find the words” faster than his wife, correct her pronunciation even when it was obvious what she meant, or even snidely laugh at her when she was wrong. She was an intelligent woman, capable of many good and wonderful things, but to see her with her husband, she was much more timid and constantly concerned about making a mistake around him. Make sure the needs and purpose of the correction are being rightly evaluated and not for selfish gain.

Second, we need to identify what we will correct and what we will not be correcting. Correction is important, but, parents must also remember Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 both of which remind us not to provoke our children to anger. If our children feel that they can never live up to our standards, they will become resentful and discouraged. The cost of unnecessary corrections can weigh heavy on our children. One of our sons was constantly behaving in a negative way toward one of his brothers. It got to where I corrected him EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. they interacted. I was exhausted. I jumped to conclusions. I didn’t listen. I didn’t look into the heart of the matter and ultimately I provoked him to anger. I had to ask for forgiveness and build back the relationship while intentionally looking for the good things to praise.

Third, we must choose the right timing. If you need to correct the person, do you do it right then or wait for another time? Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” We know that God has perfect timing, so we need to be prayerful before correcting a loved one. Let God lead you in each individual situation.

Our fourth point goes along with the third. We must remember the saying, “Correct in private, praise in public.” Of course, as parents, we know that that is not always possible, but when we are evaluating whether to correct something our child or spouse has said, remember that the people near them in the situation will influence their perception of our intent, so whenever possible try to keep times of correcting for private conversations.

And, fifth, never leave out the discussion of “what now?” What will be the way forward? We know from Proverbs 15:32 that “[w]hoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.” We cannot control our child’s or spouse’s response to a moment of correction, but we can make sure to spend quality time discussing it lovingly and praying over the future application of the correction.

Meditate on Hebrews 12:11 “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

There is always a cost to correction. The cost for good, loving, and proper correction leads to wise, well-rounded, kind, and righteous living, but the cost for bad correction is one of disunity and distrust. Pray about the heart of the correction in your home. Be blessed!

Today, let’s explore 2 Timothy 1:7. The CSB reads, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” And the NASB states it this way, “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.”

We are not to allow a spirit of fear to pervade our lives and become what we hear, how we interpret, and how we respond to the world. A spirit of fear says the world is so scary and so many bad things could happen that we have to cling to the blanket of control we think we have, controlling our actions and our thoughts. The spirit of fear keeps us focused on worry, concern, the things we lack, the people who have hurt us or let us down, and more.

I have lived in Tennessee most of my life. Once when I was in Alaska, I went cold camping in below freezing temps. Now at that point, I had never even owned true cold weather clothing designed to hold body heat in. In fact, in this recent snow-storm, someone shared a picture of socks as gloves for playing in the snow. That's how I grew up, socks as gloves and plastic bags wrapped around my feet. It was cold and fun until it was cold and miserable! So, when I went camping, my friends loaned me a pair of thermals and a subzero sleeping bag along with other necessary items. They told me, when you get inside your one-person tent, take off everything except the thermals, and get into the sleeping bag with nothing else on and you'll be warm. I didn't believe them. I left some of my extra layers on, especially my socks. I awoke at 2am freezing and miserable. The friend in the tent be-side me asked, “Did you do what we told you to do?” You see, I wasn't using the subzero sleeping bag the way it was designed because I didn't understand. I was afraid of being cold and miserable because I didn't trust the power of the fabrics that had been shared with me.

Like Kim not trusting in the power of the fabrics, when we give in to fear, we are not trusting the power God has given us. God sent the Holy Spirit to live within us believers. The spirit of God brings us power. And, believers need to understand the Holy Spirit. We encourage you to do a deeper dive, but here are five scriptures to meditate on:

Romans 8:26 - Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness

Galatians 5:22-23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kind-ness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

Acts 1:8 - But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you

2 Corinthians 3:17 - Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

Isaiah 11:2 - And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord.

The spirit of God brings us love. God's love knows no bounds. God is with His people. He loves us. We are to love others, AND we are to love ourselves. Continually holding onto fear isn't loving. Those of us who have experienced a spirit of fear would never want that for any of our family members or friends.

The spirit of God brings discipline. When we are disciplined, not led by our changing emotions, then we can make sound and rational judgment calls. There may be times when we listen to the Holy Spirit and we do not do something because it wouldn't be good for us or for those around us, but that is not anywhere along the same lines as being afraid of failure and not moving forward.

To enrich our lives with God's power, love, and discipline, we must start and stay in Scripture. We need to surround ourselves with other believers, we need to read or listen to His word daily. Bible study and prayer are musts to conquer the spirit of fear.

And, we have to believe God's word. You've heard us speak often about getting to the root of our own false beliefs so that God's truth can overtake and replace that lies that we tell ourselves. A spirit of fear can become comfortable and might even keep you somewhat falsely warm as you move around and stay distracted, but what happens at 2am when the false warmth of fear can no longer actually keep you warm?

Trust God's spirit of power, love, and discipline. He will guide you through the sin-ful, fallen world. No matter what happens around you, there is abundant living and His heavenly eternity awaits you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

Of course, we all have seasons that require more of us than we feel capable of doing. The challenge is often frustrating and satisfying at the same time. We prove to ourselves that we can rise to the challenge of our circumstances, but unless we evaluate which balls need to be let go, even temporarily, we will eventually get to a place of fatigue and burn out. That’s when it feels like all the balls come crashing down.

We must never forget that some of life’s tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities are like glass. If we drop those balls, they will break. Some will only suffer a crack, but others will shatter. And, other of life’s tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities are like rubber. If we drop those balls, they’ll bounce. They may get out of hand and ricochet, causing a bit of chaos, but the importance and structure of the ball will not change.

Our relationship with God, our relationships with our family and close friends, and our health are glass balls. The laundry, cleaning the house, completing our errands, making sure the neighbor is happy with how quickly you got your trash can moved back from the curb, and the like, well, those are rubber balls. As a point of clarification, we must each properly evaluate work. Work can be flexible like a rubber ball, though still fully necessary, or it might be glass for some people. Even if work is a glass ball it is likely tempered glass, it won’t shatter and scatter like the hearts of our children will if let them drop.

We five-minute families must rightly apply Scripture in order to not only keep the proper balls in the air but also maximize our individual and family potential. Let’s meditate on these following five verses this week:

Mark 8:36-37 “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul?” We must all not just prioritize our relationship with the Lord but we must also realize that we must keep every part of being and every part of our purpose focused on God’s kingdom.

Christ followers must commit entirely to Matthew 22:37-40, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.” When we love God, love our neighbors - the closest of whom are our household family members, and love ourselves, then we will see how to handle the tasks, obligations, opportunities, and responsibilities of everyday life.

Psalm 90:12 explains that we are “to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” If we do not take the time to properly evaluate the balls we are juggling, we will end up with the tyranny of the massive amount of rubber balls while the glass ones lay shattered all around us. Wisdom helps us to see the impact of time well-spent with our loved ones or in serving in our community.

Luke 12:34 expands that with “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” If we are intent on having the nicest house with all the bells and whistles, but we have no one interested in spending time there because we have shown that we value the house more than them, we have revealed where our treasure truly is.

When we rightly apply God’s wisdom, we will see the truth in Proverbs 21:21 “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Life in this verse is not simply referring to the act of breathing and having a beating heart, it is concerning a lively, active, and revived experience.

Sometimes, the rubber balls have all been let go and keeping the glass balls in the air seems impossible. This is where we must be open to asking for help. And, if we see someone we know and love who needs help with their juggling, we need to help them. This is what one-anothering is all about.

Keep those glass balls in the air, let any of the rubber ones drop that are getting too heavy or too many, and remember to love one another, bear one another’s burdens, and enjoy the abundant life God has for you and for your family. Be blessed!

You know, my dad and sister and I had different definitions of clean. To them, once the visual noise of the clutter of the horizontal surfaces (such as table and countertops) were clear, then the room qualified as clean and they could relax. But, it was the dirt underneath that drove me even crazier. At points in life when I had the time and energy, clearing and cleaning could happen at the same time, so that the visual noise of the dust and dirt didn’t bother me, but as more children and less good health happened in my life, I found that I would simply leave the messy to cover the dirty and then nothing got done. Of course, that just made things worse because everywhere I turned, there was more mess and more dirt to tackle.

Just like auditory sounds can become overwhelming, visual stimuli can cause a person to feel uncomfortable and distracted, which can lead to them shutting down - mentally, physically, or emotionally. Some people become hyperactive and begin running on adrenaline. Visual noise can cause people to be less productive, angrier, and less self-controlled. So, no matter if a person enters into a flight, fight, or freeze response, we must understand that visual noise can be a trigger.

So, how can a five-minute family be mindful and sensitive to the needs of those in their homes who are experiencing visual overload?

First, try check the lighting in your home. If you can’t afford a new light fixture installed, then head to the second hand store and buy a cheap lamp. Or, move certain activities into better lighting. Also, remember to adjust the lighting down as the sun goes down to mimic natural lighting responses in the body. Interestingly, as we see that light is good in Genesis 1:3-4 -- “Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness,” we must remember that proper lighting can help control the visual burden someone may be experiencing.

Second, evaluate the decorations you have in your home, or at least, the most used space by the person who experiences visual noise issues. When there is too much going on with color changes, table top displays, wall paper or accent walls, curtains, you get the idea, visually noise-sensitive folks will get even less done during activities in those spaces. Interestingly, one study of an elementary classroom found that “In terms of learning and memorization, the correctness of the children’s answers to the test questions was higher in [a] low-stimulus classroom (55% correct) [when compared to a] stimulus-rich classroom (42% correct).”

For those of you out there who may struggle with getting rid of things, including gifts from loved ones, remember to value the family members more than your possessions. As Matthew 6:19-21 says, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Third, clear at least one wall in each space if you have someone in the family who overwhelms easily or often. Position his or her chair for meals toward the clear wall, or position his or her favorite reading chair toward a clear wall. This may seem “extra”, but Galatians 6:2 reminds us to "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Fourth, try to define spaces with furniture if you can so that organization is easier. Now, we are not talking about practicing Feng Shui here, but know that setting up a comfortable spacious room has benefits both physically and visually as we are discussing. As Deuteronomy 28:6 encourages, “blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out,” so set up your space as a blessing.

And, fifth, get some containers… whether it is plastic tubs, banker’s boxes, covered diaper boxes - yes, covered so that the print on the box isn’t a distraction. Get the details of the organization of your home hammered out. Meditate on 1 Corinthians 14:40 “But all things should be done decently and in order.”

Remember, five-minute family, that “Visual noise divides our attention and reduces the ability to self-regulate.” We know that children are better able to learn complex skills and concepts when the environment that are in is less distracting, so give your family the best chance at reaching their God-given potential by spending time thinking about visual noise and how to control it.

Thank you for joining us and be blessed!

If I was planning a story that highlighted good family dynamics, I would not have written it like the biblical narrative. But God! The depth of God's word in showing who He is and who we are is amazing. God, creator and sustainer, made us in His image. We have talked about that. We have, unfortunately, distorted that image with our fallen nature. Yet God planned, even from the beginning, to help us in our depravity.

Let’s pick up the story with Esau, and although he is not one of the three names highlighted, he is a pivotal part of God’s story. You can find this story in Genesis starting in chapter 25. A quick background: Rebekah is the wife of Isaac who was pregnant with two children, and as the Bible says, two nations. Esau was born first with Jacob right behind him holding Esau’s heel.

Fast forward several years. Esau, being the first born, traditionally would have the birthright that would guarantee his inheritance of his father's possessions and authority. We have heard it taught that Esau didn’t care about that birthright and in fact demonstrated this by giving it to Jacob for a bowl of stew. That was the agreement between brothers. But it really took manipulation and treachery to actually pull the blessing from Isaac to Jacob, not Esau. What God revealed to Jim in our Bible lesson was that maybe Esau did care for his birthright and was instead blindly showing his false confidence in that no matter what just transpired with the bowl of stew he would still receive Isaac’s blessing because he had favor with his father.

What can we learn as a family about the false confidence of Esau and how his story intersects with our lives? This lesson will take a lot of self-examination and soul searching and we suggest looking into these aspects of family life:

Are we relying on the faith of our father, mother, brother, sister? I have heard many people say “grandma took me to church and I heard many of the stories, but now I live a good life and know that because grandma is praying for me, I am ok.” Our family of origin, even if it has a strong faith history, will not carry us into a relationship with Jesus as savior. We see in Ezekiel 18 that God rightly judges individuals and does not connect them positively or negatively with their family members.

Much like our family of origin, our nurture - that is the surroundings we grew up in, learned from, and often imitated - can lead us down wrong paths that give us both positive and negative levels of confidence. We can see an example of how Timothy was nurtured spiritually by his mother Eunice and grandmother Lois. He was trained to know and honor the Lord. But he did not stop there, and through mentoring and discipleship he learned more about God and was able to disciple others like himself. Thankfully he did not rely only on their teachings.

Looking back at the Esau narrative, we can see that he wasn’t prepared. He relied more on his performance and lived in the praise of his father overseeing everything that was happening around him. Life surrounds us and satan prowls around like a hungry lion looking at who he can devour. We must prepare for whatever may come our way and be intentional in our relationship with God and the discipleship of our families.

To dig deeper, we can even see that our very genetic makeup influences our beliefs and behaviors. Are there certain ways your parents relate, and although they did not teach you those techniques, you find yourself mirroring them? We see this in the patriarch stories with the example of Abraham lying about his wife being his sister, and later Isaac repeating that same situation. I don’t think that was taught behavior but somehow it was a repeated family trait. Genetic? Possibly. Characteristics of a specific family? Definitely. This can be a challenge to explore as a family with many difficult eye opening revelations, but with the right intention, it can be a rewarding adventure.

And finally, where does your family gain confidence? Our hope and confidence is on the sovereignty of God. His goodness and mercy have followed us all the days of our lives as we seek to dwell in the house of the Lord forever. We see in John 10:29, “My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of my Father’s hand.”

Do you and your family know the hope of salvation Jesus brings? Are there areas we can all grow and learn? of course. But God is rich in his mercy towards us and reaches out to provide His grace for all our needs. Families, seek His grace and learn from Him for He is good! Be blessed.

Jim was teasing me after church about my being in the older women (or, as the KJV words it, “aged women” category). Our son’s girlfriend admonished Jim to stop, but I told her that just like I wear my gray and silver hair with pride, I am ok with claiming that I am, indeed, now an “aged woman.” So, when I couldn’t decide what to write this week for us to discuss, Jim suggested we focus on the older woman’s role from Titus 2 in our biblical community.

From the Christian Standard Bible, Titus 2:3-5 reads, “In the same way, older women are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not slaves to excessive drinking. They are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and to love their children, to be self-controlled, pure, workers at home, kind, and in submission to their husbands, so that God’s word will not be slandered.”

Let’s break down those parts and discuss them in greater detail. The first is that we older women are to be reverent in behavior. I started thinking, what does it really mean to be reverent in behavior? Some other translations state it as “behave as those who love the Lord should.” The DRA translation which is over 100 years old and was translated in a literal manner for accuracy words it as being “in holy attire.”

Attire is typically a more formal clothing; older women are to be clothed in holiness as Colossians 3:12-14 details, “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. 14 Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.”

The second behavior we older women are to focus on is to not be slanderers. That isn’t a word used often in our society today. So, in other words, we older women must not say bad things about other people; we should not gossip. The KJV says we must not be “malicious gossips.” We must apply Psalm 141:3 “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips,” so that we never falsely accuse someone.

The third behavior detailed in this is for older women to be “not slaves to excessive drinking.” Now, we aren’t here to discuss whether someone chooses to be a teetotaler or not, but we know based on numerous Scripture that no one is to have the habit of drinking too much alcohol. The tendency toward addiction is weighty, so it is imperative to remember what Proverbs 20:1 says, “Wine is a mocker, beer a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”

The fourth behavior listed in verse 3 is to “teach what is good.” Other translations put this as being eager to teach what is good, as our needing to be examples of virtue, teachers of good things, teachers of honesty, and examples of the good life. From Mark 10 verse 18, we know from Jesus himself that “God alone is good,” so to fulfill this behavior we are to teaching about God at every opportunity. We can point back to His word in every day life, we can give Him glory for the good He has done in our lives, and we can study more about Him so that we can practice good works in honor of that gift he gave us through Jesus’s death on the cross.

The final behavior comes in verse 4, older women are to encourage younger women. There are specifics listed after that as to what an older woman can focus on in her encouragement, but ultimately, the point is to apply 1 Thessalonians 5:11, "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

You know, Proverbs 31 describes the example of what a woman should aspire to be in life, but Titus 2 points out how we all have learning and growing to do, and if we share our experiences, we can build up a strong and beautiful biblical community. An older woman in God’s community is to be reverent, sincere, and honorable, so that all the other roles in the community can receive her encouragement.

Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

Some families go home and each go their separate ways… some to be on their devices, some to get some household tasks completed, some to rest for a wonderful Sunday nap. We need to search for opportunities to build our family identity instead.

We need to search for activities that will build good values in our children and strengthen them in ourselves. If we play a game, no one is allowed to cheat. If we can afford to go out to eat, everyone is polite and respectful to the staff. If we have some vegging time, we set boundaries to develop our brains wisely and in a balanced way.

We need to search for activities that instill a sense of belonging. You know, I recently felt very left out of something, and it hurt me a lot. I had to work through how God would want me to handle that. I am still not fully certain, but I know that running and hiding isn’t an option. You see, adults have a tendency to retreat into themselves. Children, on the other hand, will often behave badly to get any type of reaction from their parents because it is better than being ignored. We are created for relationship, so as a family, we have to be aware of each individual and their needs. Some need extra time and specific invitations to feel included; others will tag along to everything without thought or care. Some of us want group conversations and activities, and others of us want more one-on-one conversations.

We need to search out activities that build our dreams or help us create the dreams themselves. Working toward a goal together is beautiful. We learn new skills together. We overcome adversity together. We feel accomplished together. And, sometimes our intentional activities - which might be as simple as a guided discussion - will allow us to continue to build new dreams and make new goals, and in all of that we get to continue to support one another, as the Bible calls us to.

We need to search for activities that help us feel protected. No family should choose an activity that creates such a level of anxiety or negativity that an individual is left without a way to cope with the outcome. For example, some families might love to have the experience of jumping out of an airplane together, but one member may feel so anxious about it, that they shut down. The family might opt for rock climbing at an indoor climb space first (or for a while) to help the anxious family member do something a bit more daring than normal but not quite jumping out of an airplane - yet.

And, we need to search for activities that help us cope positively with the stress of this world we live in. As a family, we want to build one another up and challenge one another. This could mean that your family chooses an afternoon hike or bike ride. A simple walk will do, especially if someone in the family is facing a medical or physical challenge. This could mean asking for or offering help with an upcoming homework or work assignment. When I was tutoring science, gathering all of the random household items for my experiments was stressful, but when I engaged my kids in the search, I got to answer questions that help fill in the holes I didn’t even realize I had in the experiment, or it taught them something new while they contributed to our family life.

Of course, there are hundreds and hundreds of activities that families can do together, but no matter what your family is participating in, make sure that you have thought through the purpose - it can be about simple fun and laughs; or it can be about a very important lesson that needs to be taught.

Thank you for joining us today. And, do contemplate the question: what does my family search for? We want to let you know that if you are facing the upcoming holidays for the first time since the death of a loved one, Clear View Retreat has partnered with local groups in the Wartburg, Tennessee, area to host a ‘Grief Through the Holidays’ seminar on November 9, 2024. Please go to our website clearviewretreat.org and click on the upcoming events tab for more information. Be blessed!

Our desire with this devotion is to help your family grow closer to God and encourage the relationships He has established in your homes. By starting with just five minutes, we pray that your time blossoms into a beautiful bouquet of family blessings. We know God is good at gathering a bountiful harvest from the time when we focus on Him.

First, practice the spiritual disciplines - both together and individually. Whether life is good or difficult, we need to be practicing the spiritual disciplines to make sure we are staying connected to our Lord and Savior. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the spiritual disciplines they include worship, bible study, service, and fellowship as well as prayer, meditation, and gratitude. Some folks will break them out further, but you get the idea. We need to be in God’s Word daily and challenge ourselves and one another to keep our focus on the kingdom of God and not the changing circumstances of this earthly life.

Second, keep the lines of communication open in both the good and the bad times. All too often, when we are stressed, we shut down. We sometimes assume our family members even know what we are thinking, and sometimes they might be right, but too many times, they do not understand, and the hurts can pile up. So, no matter what life is throwing at you - all the good, all the bad, or a random mix - be sure to keep having family discussions and listening well to one another. And, remember, do not just talk AT one another, but speak for clarity and listen to understand, not just to respond and say your own next point.

Third, plan family time together. It doesn’t have to be an amusement park; it can be a simple walk in the woods. The goal is to be together and focus on one another. If life is going well, we too often let it tumble along without any intentional time together. Thus, when things aren’t going so great, we either try to force family time or we continue to ignore it all together. So, whether in the norms or storms of life, make time for one another on a regular basis. We know some families that have weekly family fun nights, monthly family fun days, and annual family get-aways. You don’t have to be so organized as all that, but we must all put in the effort to let our families know they matter. Be intentional!

Fourth, give each other space as needed. This element of staying connected as a family can be tricky, but the reality is that some family members need more alone time than others. If you are a cuddler who wants to spend every possible moment together and your child is a non-hugger who can spend hours reading a book without speaking to anyone, you two have to find a way to connect AND give each other the necessary space. It can be that while reading, you sit together on the couch, though maybe not touching for most of the time. Sometimes, non-huggers will need to hug and sometimes cuddlers will have to refrain from hugging. Each family will have to find the balance that works for your own home.

And, our final suggestion for today is to do household tasks together as well. It might not work to have everyone clean the tiny kitchen together, but everyone can work on the household tasks at the same time and then either come back together to have some fun or go on about the everyday needs of your schedule. One family had a two-hour block for every Saturday morning. Each member of the family had tasks to do to help reset the home for the upcoming week. The children complained like crazy but quickly learned the value of getting it done and getting it done together. They could see that everyone contributed - age-appropriately, of course.

Family life is beautiful - and hard. Family life is where we can drop our masks and be ourselves - and be challenged to become the best versions of ourselves as well. No matter what family life looks like for you today, whether it is just husband and wife, or you are in the newborn/toddler phase, or if you are launching your teenagers into greater independence, no matter what, staying connected as a family takes intentionality and commitment.

We do thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

Let me share a wonderful example of Christian reconciliation. Some background first… One woman had been helping out with a group of kids, and one kiddo had required more direction and redirection than most of the others in the group. At the end of an especially stressful day, she was again overseeing this group of kiddos. The child behaved as children do, but nothing over-the-top or defiant, but because of the woman’s legitimately bad day, she - in one quick statement - fussed at the kiddo more harshly than she should have. A family member of the child was present.

Fast forward to the end of the event, the family member sought out the stressed woman, and kindly shared that in that frustrated moment she had been angry for her family member because the reprimand happened in a moment when it was not deserved. But, that she knew the stressed woman did not mean harm and that she also saw how the stressed woman immediately regretted her words and changed her own attitude. The two women took time for complete honesty and transparency and they not only got to a place of reconciliation but also greater connection.

Why do I know this story? Because I was present for the frustrated comment, and after the two women spoke, the stressed lady came over to apologize to everyone who had witnessed her frustration with the child. Why? She wanted to accept full responsibility for her actions. She was sorrowful and repentant.

Biblical communities need to be able to speak openly about hurts and frustrations. The reason the story Kim shared is compelling is because of how well it represented how God tells us to address conflict within our relationships.

Here are five of the many verses we need to pour over and commit to memory in order to have deeper, more abiding relationships:

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Matthew 5:23-24 “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Hebrews 12:14 “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”

Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

You know, it’s like we have always told our children, please come to us when you mess up. Will we be mad? Possibly. Will we react badly for a brief moment? Maybe. But, we are always open and want to help our kids strategize how to fix their own messes or to help them get the help they need.

Grace, mercy, and forgiveness were not free. Christ paid the ultimate price for our reconciliation with the Lord. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness are not easy in our human relationships, but if we keep in mind the price Jesus paid and the options we have for abundant living now on earth as well as for eternity with the Father, we need to practice God’s reconciliation plan. Be blessed!

The reality is that “we live in a sinful, fallen world, and sometimes that world falls on us,” as Robert Kellemen says. As a family, sometimes the world falls on us, and we have a choice in difficult family times. Are we going to win, learn, or lose?

As the explanations for Maxwell’s book Sometimes You Win; Sometimes You Learn describe, any setback whether it is a game loss, a bad grade, a botched audition, a job loss, or something less, can be seen as a step forward when we possess the right tools to turn that loss into a gain of knowledge.”

So, how can a five-minute family learn when situations are, or feel like, a loss:

Get back up. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again, but the wicked stumble in times of calamity.” We must choose to get back up - for the sake of our family, for the sake of our community, for the sake of ourselves, and for the sake of God. He saved us from eternal damnation. This world will try to beat you down, but in honor of God and in support of one another, we must each be willing to reengage in the daily battles that will happen.

Evaluate what happened. 1 Corinthians 10:11 reminds us, “Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come.” As Mr. Maxwell points out, “experience isn't the best teacher--evaluated experience is.” It might be hard to talk about what happened as a family, but if we are not willing to evaluate the loss (or perceived loss), we may harbor resentment, false beliefs, or other toxic responses.

Check your emotions. When James 1:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,” James is not meaning that we have to feel happy about the loss or struggle we are in. God does mean for us to realize that we cannot let our emotions control our next steps. We must acknowledge the emotions so that we can deal with them in healthy ways.

Be honest. Again in James, this time in chapter 3 verse 2, we read, “For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is mature, able also to control the whole body.” Let’s not try to “spin” a loss as a win. We need to fully grasp what we need to learn from the loss, or not full win, so that we can grow closer to one another and to God.

And, last, trust God in the process. So much of our earthly norms and storms come down to Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Practically speaking, as family, try to keep a log, whether in a journal or on the cloud, of all the times, a situation felt like a loss - or, at least, it didn’t feel like a win, and review what God did in the long run. Many of us have a story about a prayer that they prayed and God said no; then, as time marched on, they could see why God did not give them what they asked for then. Share those stories with one another - if they are age appropriate, of course, and remind one another of God’s ultimate plan of victory over death.

God is good. All the time. We forget that way too often in the learning moments. Take time today to commit as a family to use every opportunity in life to grow closer to one another and to God.

Thank you for joining us here at the Five Minute Family. We’d love to have you share your thoughts on family life. Feel free to reach out to us on social media or via our email at cvr@clearviewreat.org. Be blessed!

Being motivated to change something or set a goal in the family is far different than exercising the discipline needed to execute the change. Motivation is the desire to do something. But discipline is actually doing something that must be or should be done - whether you desire doing it right then or not. Hold tight to Hebrews 12:11 during any time of family discipline changes, “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Begin by discussing and listing out each family member’s strengths and weaknesses. Do you have a morning person, a night owl, an organized person, a spontaneous person? You get the idea. God put your family together, whether through biology, adoption, or marriage, you are each a part of this unique family unit. Use each other strengths’ to your family’s advantage. If your family has a habit of everyone grabbing their phone or tablet right after they wake up, have the early riser in the family make breakfast (or set out the cereal), have all the curtains open and the lights one. When another family member awakens, they are greeted with a hardy and enthusiastic “good morning” and maybe a gentle reminder to put down the device if needed. Your spontaneous person can invite everyone outside for a walk or to the table for a board game. You get the idea.

Make preparations for the changes. To continue our device usage example, BEFORE the day of device change happening, you need to see if certain family members need to have apps installed that block usage during certain hours of the day. Maybe someone else needs to have a reward structure set up to see the changes in a visual. Kids especially will respond to sticker systems that allow them to earn stickers on a sheet that can then be turned in for device time or that can be turned in for cash or some other reward. Remember, parents, the reward must be something motivating to the individual person. The same reward will likely not work for all the children in the family. Maybe, your family needs to set up an alarm on each device, or a wi-fi cut off time for the entire household.

Those preparations tie into this point, which is remove temptation wherever you can. Remember to apply James 1:14, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” If you remove the device temptation from the nightstand or gathering room by planning a charging area that is away from the bedroom or the main gathering space, each person must think more deeply and longer about choosing to grab his or her device.

Along the same lines of preparing for the changes by setting up your space differently or removing temptations, you must also remember to prepare a clear list of goals. If your family is onscreen most of the day, going cold turkey from all devices may prove so daunting, that you all simply give up. Saying in a general way, “hey, we are gonna try to use our devices less this school year” doesn’t set a clear, definable goal. However, if you make a goal of using devices only so many hours per day, or a goal of no more “morning ‘til night device days,” then you give yourselves more options to adjust.

Our society is full of technology; we aren’t going to be able to avoid it all day, every day. Learning how to use the tools wisely will take time. Make sure that once you set your goals, you all devote yourselves to the goals every. single. day. Don’t try to talk one another into a reversion back to old ways “just for today.” You will be sabotaging your entire family goal if you do so.

As Proverbs 14:23 illustrates, “There is profit in all hard work, but endless talk leads only to poverty.” Meaning, that if we put in the hard work for our families, we will build a rich, beautiful family life.

May God bless your endeavors to deepen your family connection, whether you need to work on device time, communication skills, family devotions, or something else. Please let us know if we can be of any help in your efforts. Be blessed!

Intentional means being purposeful in our actions. And intimacy is having familiarity or closeness with someone. Here at CVR, we define our key concept ‘intentional intimacy’ as “the passion and desire to pursue being known and to know another deeply for the glory of God.” Let’s break that down today.

Not all relationships will have marital levels of passion and desire, but because we all are designed to be in relationship with others, we will have passion and desire to seek out connection with others. We all hope for and have a driving need to feel connected to other people. Extroverts seek connection with more folks than introverts do, but we can never forget that everyone created in the image of God is created with His passion and desire for relationship. John 15:13 reminds us that “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.” If we want to be in good solid relationships, we must allow ourselves to have the passion and desire for the pursuit of the relationship.

Ah, the pursuit. The next part of our definition for intentional intimacy is “to pursue being known.” This may seem odd that we need to pursue being known, but we do. We must intentionally choose to share our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We must be willing to be our authentic selves. Relationships fall apart when someone isn’t willing to share honestly about themselves.

The second part of the pursuit is “to know another deeply.” We must focus our passion and desire on getting to know someone else. We cannot simply share about ourselves. We have to have an interest in the other person and actively listen when they discuss their thoughts, feelings, or ideas.

To give an illustration of the first three points of ‘intentional intimacy,’ let me tell you about a friend I had. We seemed to have many things in common and got along really well. I invited her to things; I included her in my life. I would ask questions and, believe it or not, actually stop talking to hear her thoughts, ideas, and feelings, but she did not pursue sharing herself, nor did she show any passion or desire to connect. She would respond when it was convenient for her. Eventually, I stopped trying to connect. I had to let my passion and desire for our friendship to grow to stop driving me. I accepted the level on which she shared, and without my passion and desire for connection, we began to only interact when our paths crossed on a happenstance basis. I could not force her into intentional intimacy. Our friendship is different than when it started. We are certainly more like acquaintances now, but accepting where someone else is, is important.

Now, let’s think about our motivation. In our definition of ‘intentional intimacy,’ we point out that the relationship is pursued “for the glory.” A lot of people when entering into a new romantic relationship or a new friendship have passion and desire. They want to pursue being known and know another, but their ultimate motivation is for their own glory. When we want a relationship simply for how it makes us feel or what we get out of it, selfishness seeps in.

Of course, we all want to be in relationships that feel good, but that cannot be the defining purpose of the relationship. We cannot be in relationship with others for their or for our own glory.

Which leads us to our last point, we must choose to be in good and wonderful relationships for the glory OF GOD. He must be the reason that we pursue sharing about ourselves and learning about another. When we choose intentional intimacy for the glory of God, we can accept that some relationships must come to end or must change for the growth of the other person. And, we can accept and celebrate that some relationships are lifetime commitments. At times, those lasting relationships will require us to pray about the waning of our passion or desire as well as hurts or frustrations that happen, but with God, we get to begin to reconnect.

Intentional intimacy is a choice. It is an action to be taken over and over again. The beauty is that while it is seems like a whole lot of work, it actually becomes easier and easier - and more beautiful - as we walk with the Lord and desire to bring Him glory through our interactions with others. Remember, five minute families, to align your values and goals with the purpose of your actions. Pursue being known and knowing another for the glory of the Lord. Be blessed!

Matthew 22:39, John 13:34, John 15:12, John 15:17, and Romans 13:8-10 are but five of the many “love one another” verses in the Bible. To be loved is to be accepted and to be invited in. Someone who is simply tolerated is “just there.” The tolerated person is neither good nor bad but also rarely sought. To be simply tolerated indicates a lack of emotional attachment. Someone who is loved is welcomed and sought after.

As Christ followers, we need to seek ways to show love. If you find yourself simply tolerating someone else, here are five suggestions to help you move from simple tolerance to love:

First, be there when your loved one or friend needs you. It might interrupt your plans sometimes. Someone who is simply tolerated will see that you aren’t there when they need you. Remember Romans 12:13, “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

Which leads to the second suggestion, take time to be aware of what someone’s needs actually are. For example, someone who is grieving may need help getting their house clean, or they may want you to stay and chat when you bring a meal. Or, they may be struggling with all the people who have been surrounding them and need some time alone. Ask them what they need, and be sincere with your question. Just as Paul encourages us in Romans 15:1-2, “Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification.”

Third, take an active interest in their life. Don’t just ask how someone is and then quickly move to get to the next task at home or the next person you really want to speak to at church. Realize that each person in front of you is a divine appointment, and you have the chance to extend God’s love through active listening. We all have things going on in our lives, but take to heart Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Take the time to intentionally include those around you. Family members, church members, and friends who feel simply tolerated will feel left out, underappreciated, or like they are not part of the team. Hebrews 10:24-25 comes to mind here, “And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” It will take time to be intentional about including others you might not initially think about, but the good thing about the age of technology is that you can use it to your advantage. For example, scheduling texts to go out at another time if you are thinking of someone at an odd hour or during your planning time for the event itself.

And our final suggestion: if critical thoughts arise, take them captive. Choose to pray briefly and ask God to show you the other person’s perspective. This can be especially hard, but if you have been simply tolerating someone, it is very likely you view something about the person as unfavorable in some way. In Colossians 3:13 we are told to bear with one another. God knows our human hearts and inclinations. If He tells us to bear with one another, we need to work harder to do so because bearing with one another God’s way is not simply tolerating, it requires love as well.

Ephesians 4:2 encapsulates that concept best when it says, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, show tolerance for one another in love.” Tolerance in love. If we choose to extend grace and to celebrate with someone when we would have normally simply tolerated them, we show the love of Christ and deepen our own relationship with the other person.

If you yourself feel that you are being simply tolerated, look first to make sure you are showing love and not only toleration yourself. Pray and ask God if you need to address this issue to move forward in your relationship or friendship. Then, open the lines of communication and share how you are feeling. Also, be prepared to be specific about the ways that you do not feel loved in this situation. Your family member, church member, or friend is not a mind reader.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

We recently saw how God’s Word prepares us for quality communication in a crisis as we demonstrate concern, commitment, competency, clarity, and confidence. Back in December of ’22 we went through Scripture to see not only how the Israelites were fed, led, watered, taught, and given a steward, but how we are as well. God’s Word is living, breathing, and bringing instruction for every situation we will face as a family.

I was motivated to write this from the sermon series our pastor is doing from 1st Peter. In the writing of the apostle Peter we can see that he was inspired by the Holy Spirit to encourage us to always be ready for battle. Beware that the enemy is ready to steal our joy, provide stumbling blocks of temptations, and get our focus off our savior Jesus Christ. So, we must be diligent to stay the course.

Peter in the 5th chapter, verses 10 and 11, states: “After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.”

The foundation of these verses is God’s Grace - the God of ALL grace. When we try to operate in life apart from God we are giving up His grace and power; we think we are capable, self-sufficient. “You can do it” is the heart of many self-motivational speeches. God’s grace is extended to us as a gift, available and eternal. It will never fail us or leave us. And, from that foundation, Peter highlights five ways that to encourage your family to be ready in the norms and storms of life.

Called. When your phone rings you get excited. Maybe it’s your spouse with wonderful news. Your best friend asking you to share a lunch together. Or, it could be the God of the universe wanting to share with you His eternal glory. That calling is not just our job but our identity. In Christ we bear His name. We receive heavenly backing on our earthly journey. We are known by God and can shine His glory throughout our lives.

Perfect. Perfection is not a feeling but a destination. Through the process of sanctification, we learn to put on Christ daily and take off our old selves in response to His love and kindness. The verse I read says, “will Himself perfect.” Christ is our perfect and He is the one doing the perfecting. We do have to let go and let God. Give Him the opportunity, like Kim likes to say, “to show up and show off.”

Confirm. Listen to His Word and hear that He is for us and not against us. We will at times doubt the goodness of God, that is normal in our fleshly bodies. But God, in while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. We will receive endorsement as we strive to bring Him glory. Verses 1 and 4 in the same chapter reads that we are a “partaker also of the glory that is to be revealed,” and will receive the “unfading crown of glory.” A crown is a shining achievement and Christ has confirmed its placement.

Strengthen. Our flesh and bones are weak, but as Proverbs states ‘the fear and reverence of the Lord will bring healing and refreshment to our bones.’ Jesus knows our struggle. He knows our weakness. He endured and overcame and He is standing at the right hand of the Father in majesty. His Words are like sweet honey on our lips and encouragement to our souls. It is not the building up ourselves that make us strong but the surrender to God that ultimately brings strength.

Establish. We are being set up, brought to a place we may not have dreamed. Taken to an unimaginable existence guided by love, mercy, and grace. God knows exactly where we are and where we are going. Embrace being found and know that the journey is going to be amazing.

And, remember that Christ “will Himself” do the work to achieve the goal and bring Himself the glory. Enjoy the ride and believe He will accomplish all that He desires.

Thank you for joining us today. Plan a time of family reflection, be it a hike in the woods of God’s creation or a visit to Clear View Retreat for a time of enrichment and renewal. We know God has great plans for you and your family. Be blessed.

You’ve heard us discuss communication skills before. Having good skills already practiced in and among the family members is important when everything else around you seems to be in chaos. Businesses and organizations will create “Crisis Communication Plans” in order to make sure that everyone in their group understands the problem, works together to resolve the matter, keeps lines of communication open so that everyone is validated in their efforts, establishes and maintains trust, and effectively manages their part of the solution.

Families are not businesses, obviously, but we can learn a lot from the research businesses have done in knowing how to rightly apply communication skills when our family is in trouble.

Business crisis communication plans include what is referred to as the 5C Model; these five elements are concern, commitment, competency, clarity, and confidence. These five elements “provide a well-organized framework that guarantees communication will be clear, timely, and empathetic.” Not only are the five elements researched and proven effective by secular society, but it turns out they are biblical. Let’s discuss them as we think would apply to a family crisis situation.

Concern. Each family member needs to show proper concern for the crisis the family is facing. Obviously, sharing the details and expressing the proper amount of concern must be age-appropriate. As Luke 6:27-28 tells us, “But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

Commitment. In crisis, we must be mindful to explicitly communicate our commitment to one another as Ruth did to Naomi in the book of Ruth chapter 1 verses 16 and 17, “But Ruth replied: Don’t plead with me to abandon you or to return and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me, and do so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”

Competency. In times of trouble, especially if we are experiencing something for the very first time, we need to remember the competency that comes only from the Lord: 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” We need to turn to God’s word together in order to be best equipped to face these challenges.

Clarity. Likewise, we need to seek and express clarity. In crisis, we need to be doubly sure that we fully understand each other’s thoughts and feelings, and make sure that include each family member in major decisions. Before we move forward, we need to seek clarity as 1 Thessalonians 5:21reminds us, “but test all things. Hold on to what is good.”

Confidence. And, last, but not least, we need Confidence. First, we must have confidence in the Lord as Proverbs 3:26 reminds us, “for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” And we need confidence in the process that God brought us through to follow up on the decision or decisions we have made through prayer and fasting. Hebrews 10:35-36 “So don’t throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you need endurance, so that after you have done God’s will, you may receive what was promised.”

Remembering to discuss BEFORE a crisis what crisis communication looks like is important. In school, we plan, draw, and practice fire drills. Why? The majority of us have never experienced a fire. But, because there is still a risk, we practice dropping low to the ground. We discuss sleeping with our doors closed. We make sure to change the batteries in the detectors every six months. So, just like fire prevention or fire management is important, we must remember that our loved one’s heart in the midst of a crisis is important too. If we already have a plan in place, then we will whether the storm of the crisis much better.

Thank you for joining us today. We hope you will check out our website at clearviewretreat.org, and comment on our social media accounts so that we can hear from you. Be blessed!

For a reminder, we are defining ‘privilege’ as having an advantage or opportunity that most other people do not have. But, what does privilege look like within a family unit. Well, here’s one example. The male members of one side of my family had privilege that us girls did not. One of my grandfathers favored his son over his daughters, and that continued as all of us granddaughters knew that our grandfather (and in some measures our grandmother) favored the grandsons. He spent much more time engaged in conversations with them and teaching them things about life. My grandfather helped each of the boys buy their first house. Favoritism and partiality are not the fault of the person receiving them, but we must be careful if we are the one receiving favoritism or partiality. It is a privilege that not everyone experiences.

In two parent families, we need to remember the privilege we have - two adults to bounce ideas between, to support one another in the tasks of running the home, to divide labor, and to multiply love. In a single parent home, the sole parent must be consistent, no matter how tired he or she becomes, or deal with the fallout that inconsistency due to lack of time or energy causes. When a child has basic needs to be met, the single parent steps up as best he or she can. Some churches will host single parent car days wherein a mechanic in the congregation works on simple tasks that the single parent often does not have the time to handle. In some communities, helping with yard work is not just for helping the widows. Single parent homes are included, too. We must all help one another. Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Some families in your biblical community have more privilege than others. This is one of the main reasons we believe the Lord tells us repeatedly in His word to have an attitude of one anothering. Of course, He specifically mentions taking care of the orphans, widows, and the poor, but in general we are also to adopt an attitude of watching out for each other. If we do not monitor how privileged we are, we may miss opportunities to minister to one another. I was once in a situation where an organization covered everyone’s expenses of an event. One person who participated said something along the lines of, “everyone here could have paid for themselves but it was nice that the organization covered the expenses.” But, the reality was, that person was speaking from their own financial stability and ability to have disposable income. Just because someone shares an organizational connection with you does not mean they have the same financial stability as you. Hebrews 13:16 “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

Maybe you are in charge and most everyone does nice things for you. Believe it or not, that does not happen for everyone else around in the organization, job, community, church, small group, or whatever the situation may be. You need to realize the privilege that your position affords you and not make assumptions for those you are over based on your privilege. Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

As Jim and I helped serve a meal one evening with a nonprofit organization that feeds people who are homeless, the director and I spoke about their additional outreach to trafficked victims. I admitted that I would feel lost and unable to be of much help in that area. She shared that she had to thoroughly vet anyone who wanted to get involved in the outreach nights to the ladies in troubling situations. Some volunteers think they are ready simply because they are willing, but they can do more harm than good if they have not realized the privilege that their lives have afforded them. We must rightly apply Romans 15:1, “Now we who are strong have an obligation to bear the weaknesses of those without strength, and not to please ourselves.”

Remember, five minute families, acknowledgment of the privilege you may hold is not a liberal or woke concept. It is an acknowledgement of the blessings in your life and your privilege perspective will aid you in being a better Christ-centered servant in His kingdom. Be blessed!

First, let’s define what privilege actually is. Oxford Languages says privilege is “a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.” Now, that definition can be used in many ways, but Collins Dictionary brings it more to the point we want to discuss today: “Someone who is privileged has an advantage or opportunity that most other people do not have, often because of their wealth or connections.”

Think briefly about the child raised by musical parents who are able to help him outside of his piano lesson time because they have musical knowledge, too; he gets the advantage of extra instruction and guided practice time.

The young adult who wants to start a business with a relative in that business can talk over a family meal instead of scheduling an appointment during the work day with someone in that industry - an opportunity that not everyone starting out will have.

The grandchild who inherits family land and has a family member with a tractor who can come and bushhog for only the cost of fuel or maybe even for free.

The subdivision family who has kind neighbors who bring a meal when they hear that someone in the family is injured.

Obviously, the examples could go on and on. The reality is that there are many, many people out there who do not have the privilege of a support system of helpful family, close friends, and caring neighbors. Likewise, there are folks who aren’t around the lingo, expectations, and unwritten rules that go along with being part of a specific community, even church.

Before you judge the person who isn’t participating in a dinner out because she doesn’t have money for a babysitter… Before you judge the person walking down the street filthy, spending two times as much money for the milk at the closest store within walking distance because they have no way to get to the more cost-effective store… Before you judge the parent who put their child on a device at the restaurant… Before you judge the child who is screaming their head off for not getting a piece of candy… Before all of that, pray and realize the beautiful privileges God has given you.

Yes, some will still want to weaponize the word ‘privilege’ in racial discussions. Some want to weaponize this word in their own jealousy. But, let’s discuss biblical privilege and explore what God would have us understand about the concept of privilege.

Remember, we believers - no matter what skin color, nation, or culture we have - we believers have the same eternal privilege. John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

Also, we believers have the Holy Spirit indwelling us so we can express the fruit of the Spirit even when our flesh calls out for the opposite. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

We believers grieve with hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.”

These are privileges that we did nothing for: Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

You know, I didn’t realize how truly privileged I am to be married to a good and Godly man who even when he messes up, repents and asks for forgiveness. It is, apparently, a small group of women who have men like that. When I speak to other women about relationships with their husbands, I must realize the privilege that my husband has given me. I didn’t, at first, of course. It took the hurting heart of another woman who had shared her story with me to point out - in not so kind terms - that while, yes, our husbands had made similar mistakes in our marriages, my husband was repentant and willing to work on our marriage. Her husband was not and wanted her to simply forgive and forget without any change on his part.

Be open to the truth of your biblical, financial, educational, community, status, and other types of privilege or lack. It is ok to see the advantages God has afforded you and your family. As you reach out to one another in love, be kind. Be blessed!

Some of us only allow the people closest to us use our nicknames without bristling that the other person has crossed an unspoken boundary. Some folks love to use already in-place nicknames because the nicknames make the speaker closer and more in touch with the other person.

And, still yet, some people love to give others a nickname of their own making. But, just like labels, nicknames can bring people closer together or they can tear them apart.

There are good nicknames and there are bad nicknames. Folks prone to nicknaming everyone are quite often not in tune with the disrespect or even hurt they are inflicting and, ultimately, how they are undermining the relationship. A basketball coach when I was in high school called me “Wanda Wideload.” Mind you, it was only in the last eight years that I have actually been overweight, but, as a teenager, I thought I was fat, especially with supposedly safe adults calling me “Wanda Wideload” every single day of high school because I worked in his office every day. Eventually, in hurt and anger, I started calling him “Lardy Larry,” which he just laughed away, but the hurt he inflicted as a trusted adult in my life was already done.

Not all nicknames will inflict that type of lasting hurt. The nicknamed person may accept that you won’t stop using the nickname even after they have politely asked you to stop - sometimes on more than one occasion. They may forgive you completely for disrespecting their boundary and request, buuut most often, polite acceptance is actually coupled with knowing you are someone NOT to be trusted and that you do not respect boundaries. If you cannot accept a boundary about something as simple as a nickname, then how are you to be trusted in anything bigger?

How does this apply to your family? Think about the nicknames you use. For example, our youngest has been known as Jojo since birth. He even still introduces himself that way sometimes, but he has begun to introduce himself as Joe or Joseph more and more often. At some point, he may ask us to stop using his nickname. Since it is a term of endearment, it will be difficult to drop, but for the stage of life where it bothers him, we will do our best to use the name he uses.

Here are some tips when dealing with nicknames:

If someone is using a nickname you do not like, hold a proper boundary. It is ok to say, “please don’t call me that.” You can even say, “I prefer” - and then say the name you prefer. Never forget Proverbs 15:1 which says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

If someone has asked you to stop using a nickname, you need to respect that by putting in the effort. Our nephew started going by a different name after we had moved away. It is still hard all these years later, but we try, and he seems to appreciate our effort to do so.

Note that not all nickname changes come from aging. Sometimes, a person fills pigeon-holed or insulted by a nickname. No matter the reason, put in the effort and apologize when you forget.

If you use a nickname for someone that YOU came up with, you need to check in with them and make sure that they are ok with your using it. Here’s a caveat to that, if they have already asked you not to call them that, then don’t and don’t ask if you can use it. Asking again puts them in the awkward position of reiterating what you already know but don’t want to accept. Annnd, they may give in, but again, the relationship may be chipped away each time you use that nickname.

Families are the ultimate place to practice God’s one anothering concepts, and using or not using nicknames in ways that help your loved ones feel encouraged and empowered is quite important. In this way you readily apply Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”

Thank you for joining us this morning. May God guide you as you communicate clearly and kindly with those you love the most. Be blessed!

Last week, we began a two-part series about labels. But, today, we want to focus on the positive, and the reality is that some labels CAN BE good. They can be helpful, and they are sometimes necessary. Additionally, positive labels help a family build a stronger family identity. And, those family identity labels need to be grounded in God’s Word.

The first label to explore today is MINE. No, we aren’t referring to the movie seagulls screaming out, “MINE, MINE, MINE” in selfishness. Isaiah 43:1 says, “Now this is what the Lord says—the one who created you, Jacob, and the one who formed you, Israel—“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine.” God says we are HIS. He claims us as His own. He does not say we are His if we are good enough, if we behave well enough, if we make enough, if we achieve enough. We are HIS because He called us.

The second label is CHILDREN. 1 John 4:4 is one of the verses that God has in His word referring to us as children - “You are from God, little children, and you have conquered them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” And, as Lisa Whittle writes, “Jesus did not create us to wear the labels of this world, even the ones we place on ourselves. Instead, He created us as His ‘dearly loved children’ (Ephesians 5:1).” Dearly loved children, we are held close to the Lord. He labels us because He loves us even better than we love our children. We take care of them, we teach them, we support them, but we are HIS children.

The third label we’ll discuss today is COMMUNITY. In Romans 12:3-8 God reminds us that we are members of one another. Specifically, in verse 5, “in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another.” Additionally, labels help provide a sense of community. The community is something your family or family member is involved with, or it can even be a literal support group helping you better understand your family’s unique challenges - whether that is due to an illness or ongoing need.

The fourth label is CAPABLE. My favorite verses of the Bible are 2 Peter 1:5-8, “Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” My fellow five minute families, you are capable. You won’t get it all right, all at once, but we are each capable of growing closer and closer to God and becoming more and more like His Son every day.

The fifth and final label for today is BLAMELESS. Colossians 1:22 points out, “Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and BLAMELESS as you stand before him without a single fault.”

Last week, we included 1 Samuel 16:7 and intentionally left off the last part - “but the Lord looks on the heart.” Labels can destroy us if they are misused, but they can also give us motivation and proper self-development. We can seek God’s will and know that as He looks on our hearts, He will guide us into good goals and proper environments, and having proper labels of who we are IN Christ and who we are TO Christ are of paramount importance.

Five Minute families, as we walk into a new week, we need to think about the labels we have placed on ourselves and our loved ones. Evaluate what labels you are using, and ask God to lead your family into a greater understanding of who He is and who you are in Him.

Thank you for joining us today. We pray that God will guide your endeavors and lead you in growing your five minutes a day with your family into a lifetime of love, support, and compassion. Be blessed!

Have you heard phrases like: “Don’t label me,” “I don’t do labels,” “Don’t put your labels on me,” or “I don’t want to be labeled?” All of those are demonstrating the very real heart attitude for a need to be seen as the unique and wonderful individuals we each are. Labeling a person can possibly restrict their potential. God has a plan and a purpose for every single human being on this earth, and if we insult someone with a label meant to belittle or restrict them, then we are dishonoring God.

If you do an internet search with the keyword phrase “Bible verses about labeling,” most of the information that pops up begins with the negative side of labeling. A small sample of those verses include:

Matthew 7:1-2 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance...”

Romans 14:13 Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

John 7:24 Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.

James 2:4 Have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

People throughout human history have been tribal. We will divide along any line we can find. Back in history, people divided by their literal tribe. Folks divide by nationality, by color, by educational experience. People are so tribal that even Apple has maximized on that tribalism by demonizing phones that are not theirs, lessening the quality of images shared, and more. Android-using phones might do it, too, though that is much harder to identify since there are numerous non-Apple “tribes” and only the one Apple tribe.

What does tribalism have to do with labeling? Well, a lot actually. We have a tendency to label what we do not yet fully understand in order to lessen our own discomfort in the unknown. And, quite honestly, when someone does not think like we do, act like do, or believe what we believe, we want to lessen our own discomfort and frustration by slapping a label on them and walking away. We will never win an argument by labeling the people who disagree with us.

That’s because labeling causes frustration especially if we are not entirely accurate and/or the person is unhappy with that label. If the label is perceived negatively in society or within the person’s own family, no matter how accurate, the label will be viewed as an insult. Let’s take for example the fact that when Christ-followers first began being labeled as “Christians” it was meant as an insult. Then, the group embraced being known as “little Christ’s” and then as time marched forward, Christ-followers began to distance themselves from the label that had been overused and corrupted by evil people who hide their evil acts behind misused and misrepresented Bible verse.

Labels often reveal unfounded assumptions and negative stereotypes. No one wants to be grouped with the worst of the people who share something in common with themselves. Something bad may have happened to you to accept or believe a negative stereotype. Our niece who did not homeschool once watched a comedian with us who was doing a homeschool parody song. We were all laughing hysterically because it was so far from the truth, but because she didn’t see us very often and had had a bad experience with a homeschool person, she couldn’t understand why we were laughing about being made fun because she thought it was all true. Now, that is a more light-hearted application of the negative stereotype, but we all know that unfortunately, some harsh and groundless labels can cause major division and heartache if we are not careful.

Watch your words. Be careful with your assumptions about a person, a family, a church, and more. Take heart Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.” Be careful when using labels.

Join us next week as we discuss the positive aspects of labeling and how a family can further its own family identity by using labels well. Be blessed!

I watched a social media video the other day by a beautiful young lady who was sharing her ADHD experience of activity and inactivity with the analogy of 100 pennies or four quarters. I accidentally hit the back arrow and couldn’t find it again so I cannot give her proper credit; nonetheless, her point was… Do you accomplish your tasks like counting out 100 pennies or 4 quarters? The English teacher who breaks down a big paper into separate tasks and has you turn in the parts as you go is a 100 pennies person. They are making sure you are doing the task methodically and carefully. And, for an English paper, I would agree that the 100 pennies approach will often be the most fruitful. However, the accomplishment of most tasks in our daily lives, neither the 100 pennies or the 4 quarters is correct or better.

They both equal a dollar, but the overall look of the broken down tasks and the time it takes to complete them looks very different. So, if you are a 100 pennies parent and you have a 4 quarters child, you may end up with a lot of conflict in the house. Of course, just as there are numerous ways to make a dollar, there are numerous ways to accomplish a task in different chunks of time. We might be 10 dime parents with 20 nickel kids. We might even have times when we are full dollar parents because of the urgency or timing of a needed task. Parents, sometimes we forget the vast differences available in accomplishing the same task (or the tasks that we each have set before us). We hear verses like

Ephesians 5:15–16 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

Psalm 90:12 teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

Colossians 4:5 Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time.

Luke 14:28 For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?

John 9:4 We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work.

And, after hearing those verses, if we are ‘100 pennies’ constant working a little at a time people, we may view our 4 quarters kiddo as lazy or ‘less than.’ Remember, Galatians 6:9 “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” If you are both accomplishing the tasks that are set before you, then just like the quantity of money is equal, the work is equal. Five Minute parent, you may have to adjust your actual view of the other person.

The same is true in reverse. If mom is 4 quarters but the kiddo needs a task to be 100 pennies, it is incumbent upon the parent to explain and help the child accomplish their task in ‘100 penny’ format. That can be a lot harder to achieve sometimes; we have to be self-aware and equip ourselves to meet the needs and changes that will help each family member achieve his or her greatest potential. Which, will ultimately help us as a family achieve the goals we have set for ourselves.

Thank you for joining us today. We pray that the eyes of your hearts will be enlightened to God’s hope, glory, and power for your family. We encourage you to be intentional about cultivating a family identity that honors God and the unique qualities He created within each of your family members. If you would like to learn more, please check out our website clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Of utmost importance is to remember that God is a God of order as 1 Corinthians 14:33 points out, “God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” He can bring order from the perceived? chaos. And, He knows that we live in this sinful, fallen world. He knows intimately that that world will sometimes fall on us. So, if a season of chaos seems to be reigning in your life, remember who is actually on the throne. Take even just five seconds to breath and pray a prayer of thanksgiving that He will sort it all out. He is with us every moment.

So, how does your family walk through this season that seems full of disorder and confusion?

First, and I know we may sound like a broken record (or for a more modern slang… a loop glitch in a video game), but you must realize that the impact of an event is different for each individual member of your family. Within the family identity you are trying to cultivate, never forget that each member of the family is uniquely and wonderfully made.

Second, keep the lines of communication open as you navigate this season of chaos. Try to schedule a family meeting if at all possible. If not, be sure to make plans for future discussions, possibly even keeping notes as things are at the height of the chaos so that you can better remember and address the most pertinent issues.

Third, not only do you need to have planned meeting times for dealing with any issues or debriefing about the options or consequences, in the midst of the ongoing chaotic moments, you also need to choose to seek to understand first before trying to be understood and to be kind in that process. Much of the chaos is easier to process if you know what your loved one is thinking and feeling.

Fourth, make sure you are examining your thoughts for reality-based expectations. If someone in the family has unrealistic expectations, the season of chaos will be much harder to traverse. Make sure you share your expectations with your family, and if you receive feedback about their unrealistic nature, be prepared to enter again into praying that God will give you a clearer view of what He is orchestrating in your family’s life.

And, fifth, be willing to enter into periods of intentional intimacy and intentional avoidance. Each family member will need different levels of interaction time, processing time, quiet time, etc. In a season of chaos, you each need to be intentionally intimate with the Lord through prayer and Bible reading, even more so than you feel you have time for. Likewise, you need to have times of intentional avoidance from loved ones so that you can evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, making sure you are bringing your beliefs to the Lord so that He can direct you in His path, not your own.

Just as Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand.” God will guide you and the family through this season of chaos. He reiterates that in John 16:33 “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” We will have tribulation, trials, distress, frustration, troubles, and affliction, but what the world intends for harm, God intends for good (Genesis 50:20). We know that seasons come and go, and that we can “glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

Five minute families, “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” as Hebrews 10:23 encourages. Don’t let the world control your family; let God reign through the seasons - including the season of chaos - and you will be amazed at all He has planned and desires for you and your loved ones.

Thank you for joining us today. We love to hear feedback from our listeners, so reach out anytime on social media or our webpage clearviewretreat.org. You can also email us at cvr@clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Change can be exciting and it can also be intimidating, especially when one member of the family is excited for the upcoming change and another member is dreading it. We can never assume the good and wonderful things that we anticipate coming are expected in the same way by our children or our spouse. For example, even something as exciting as your two growing daughters getting their own bedrooms for the first time, may cause a cascade of changes and secondary impacts. One daughter may love it while the other feels extremely lonely. The family as whole may see that the girls stop spending as much time in the living room with the family during mundane, routine events. Other children may feel restricted in the individual, separated bedrooms when they had previously gathered all together in the joint bedroom, leading them to act out. And on and on.

So, what can you do to address changes that are happening in a positive and godly way?

Always remember to keep the lines of communication open. Never assume that each family member is handling the change in the same way. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us that our communication needs to build one another up and it needs to “fit the occasion” to give grace to those who hear, so you are going to need to stay mindful of listening for what each family member may be saying or not saying due to the change.

Likewise, don’t try to “fix” your loved one’s feelings about the change. Accept the feelings. The Bible says in Romans 15:7 “Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.”

This goes hand in hand with lines of communication, but do try to gain an accurate understanding of the feelings and thoughts your family member is having surrounding the change. This is not just for you to understand them, but also so that if the family member themselves is holding onto a misunderstanding, misperception, or even blatantly false belief, you can address it lovingly and gently. Keep in mind Proverbs 14:12-13, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief” as well as Proverbs 12:15, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.

Identify what can be held constant in your family life in order to help family members have a sense a stability in the midst of the change. One constant to always keep in mind is 1 Corinthians 15:58, “Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” No matter what is going on, we can stop, pray, study His word, and hold onto God’s truths.

And, finally, don’t forget to evaluate the impact of the change on the family identity you are cultivating. When a child goes to school for the first time or leaves for college, the identity of the family alters. Certain things will never change, of course. We are children of God, if we have been saved. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us that “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” And, the Lord created each of us uniquely and wonderfully, so when things change with one of us, He will allow change within the family unit as well. That will give the whole family a chance to grow closer to God and to one another.

As you reach out to each other, one anothering and demonstrating kindness, take the time to thank God for the constants and for the changes. Trust Him to grow each of you out of being stagnant while He creates in your family a plan and a purpose to live for Him. He intends for all things to work together for His glory and our good, so if the change that is happening seems overwhelming or quite limiting, God can and will use it for a greater purpose. Lean into Him and into one another.

We do thank you for joining us today, and don’t forget to check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this or any of our past devotionals, which of course you can hear on your favorite podcast player. Be blessed!

As a Christ-centered family, we all must be careful to NOT contribute to the confusion and questions that our loved ones will face, especially our children. When we were in Panama on our mission trip, we presented the gospel, asked if anyone would like to pray, and then prayed aloud so that if anyone wanted to make their confession of faith, they could do so. We did not ask a bunch of theological questions first. We did not make sure that they were in perfect alignment, doctrinally speaking. We took to heart the straightforward message of Romans 10:9-11, “That you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”

Five Minute families, we know that not all of the people who make a profession of faith have come to know the Lord. Some thought they had to say it to get something. Some did not understand. Some just love the attention. But, that isn’t really for us to decide. We must take them on their word that they have made a profession of faith. Then, discipleship begins. On a short-term international mission trip, the discipleship aspect falls to the local church (and we must pray for the local church in earnest), but at home, we have to make sure that we have presented the gospel message without all the worldly frustrations, traditions, and confusions that we may add to it unknowingly. It is good for our children to know the story of David and Goliath, Moses and Egypt, Samson, and more, but they need to know primarily the good news of Jesus Christ.

We encourage you to take a moment to pray for your immediate family members. Think about their needs; ask God to open a door to discuss their faith journey. Maybe they will share with you that moment that God illuminated His truth in their life and we will see that you have a brother or sister in Christ sitting before you.

Or, you might realize that while your loved can find and memorize Scripture and tell you the proper answer to every Bible story, he or she might not have had a moment in which God called him to Himself. He may not even fully understand what the gospel message actually is. If that is the case, then make sure you don’t inundate your family member with a bunch of demanding questions. Ask God to reveal to you which Scriptures to share and what points to discuss.

Be prepared at all times to share the gospel message with anyone who crosses your path, but likewise, be prepared to share the gospel message to someone you know has heard it in some form a hundred times before at church events. Maybe you learned to share the salvation story through what some commonly call the “Romans Road” or maybe you have heard of the “Share Jesus Without Fear” questions, and you prefer that method. Whatever God impresses upon you and wherever He leads, be faithful to open the discussion about whether or not your loved one is saved.

Now, don’t ask them every day or try to convince them if they do not make a profession of faith right then and there. You are not the Holy Spirit. But, you are to be a faithful servant of the Lord, and you can open the discussion, and even if it breaks down, you can ask permission to circle back again in the future.

Remember, five minute parents, the conversations with our children can be confusing to them. They might not understand the difference between “believe” and “believe in your heart.” They might be afraid of giving the wrong answer, so they shut down even as they are responding to God’s call. They might get confused that they have to pray a specific prayer, a specific way or they are not saved.

Be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to lead you as you lead your children in the truth and knowledge of Him. Be blessed!

With our mission trip still fresh in my mind, I had another blessed occasion to share a devotional with the ladies of my church at a special “Tea Party” themed fellowship. As I researched the positive effects of herbal teas, I came across this quote: “herbal teas are a unique class among beverages and function as a cornerstone in physical and mental well-being.” It was the word ‘cornerstone’ that caught my eye.

As Acts 4:11 points out, Jesus is the believer’s cornerstone. All that we do, say, have, want, and need should be squared properly on the ultimate cornerstone.

Exactly, and so with a play on words ending in the -tea sound, I built on the cornerstone of Jesus Christ for the devotional message at our tea party. Here are five figurative -teas that God would have us Christ-followers make sure that we have, do, or be.

The first -tea God wants for us is CERTAINTY. Certainty for our SALVATION. We are free from doubt of where our eternal home will be. John 5:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” The assurance and confidence we have in Christ’s sacrifice is the foundation for all of our earthly living.

The second -tea is CLARITY. We need to gain clear understanding of God’s word so that we grow in SANCTIFICATION. Sanctification is the process of growing more and more Christlike, and as John 17:17-19 states, “Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. I sanctify myself for them, so that they also may be sanctified by the truth. As Jesus prayed for His disciples, so we must pray for one another.” Each of us will go through struggles, but we must keep God’s truth at the forefront of our minds and pray for one another when effective communication and decision-making are needed in our walk with the Lord.

The third -tea is CAPABILITY. 1 Peter 4:10-11 says, “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God. If anyone speaks, let it be as one who speaks God’s words; if anyone serves, let it be from the strength God provides, so that God may be glorified through Jesus Christ in everything.” We each have different TALENTS, different abili--ty. Just as one person is the head, someone else is a foot. We each are necessary for our biblical community.

And, that brings us to our fourth -tea COMMUNITY. A biblical community is a group of Christ followers fostering a sense of belonging and support. That is concept called ONE ANOTHERING. The phrase "one another” appears about 100 times in the New Testament, 59 of those occurrences are specific commands teaching us how (and how not) to relate to one another. "Love one another" appears eleven times alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up as you are already doing.” Likewise, biblical community and one anothering goes hand-in-hand with curiosity such as 1 Corinthians 10:24 encourages, “No one is to seek his own good, but the good of the other person.” We cannot seek the good of someone if we do not know them. We must be inquisitive and eager to engage in community.

And, our final -tea to think about today is CONNECTIVITY. Connectivity is the state of being connected or interconnected, highlighting its interlinked, integrated, and unified aspects. UNITY Umm, that can be awfully hard sometimes, but like Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org said, “Our pursuit of unity is designed to give us many opportunities to die to our own sin and bear with the sin of others.”

Though they don’t all specifically use the word ‘unity,’ there are well over 100 verses of the Bible that address connectivity through unity. One verse that does specifically use the word unity is Psalm 133:1 -- “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”

But, what does the word dwell mean in the Bible? It means to be fully present in a place or with a person.” If someone upsets us by how they act, what they wear, what they say, etc, we must choose to stay FULLY PRESENT in the relationship. We might need to spend some alone time with the Lord, of course, but He brought this family and biblical community together, and He can bring connectivity if each one of us is willing to come out of our own personal, selfish desires and dwell together in unity. Now, note, that that unity must be based on God’s word, not tradition or personal preferences.

No matter what -tea God may have pricked your ears on, remember to call upon His name and He will guide you. In His ultimate authority, the almighty has given us eternity. Drink your tea, five-minute families and be blessed!

Comfort zone has its risks and benefits, and as we mentioned at the beginning of this series, the comfort zone can be a tool. If the family comfort zone is used wisely, it can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.

Bfreecoaching on reddit wrote it well, so we won’t even try to paraphrase it. They wrote, “Getting out of your comfort zone can inspire you to make changes, but your comfort zone is the sustainable component that empowers you to stick with those changes and receive their full benefits in the long-term. Your comfort zone is where you feel loved, supported, appreciated, valued, secure and worthy; and staying there is how you thrive. So instead of leaving your comfort zone — expand it — so you feel more comfortable doing more things. Then you can create the life you want through comfort and satisfaction, instead of discomfort and fear.”

So, we can see the tool analogy we mentioned. Truly, the perfect use of the comfort zone is to find the place wherein the family is applying God’s Word and acting in ways that honor Him while knowing their individual worth by simply being made in His image. If the bad of the comfort zone is ‘feeling over doing or being,’ and the benefits demonstrate the ‘being over doing or feeling,’ then the best application of the family comfort zone is encouraging ‘Doing WHILE being.’ Expand your comfort zone.

Here are but five verses to get you started:

Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

Galatians 5:1-26 “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery”

2 Timothy 2:15 “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.”

Mark 16:15 “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”

James 1:22 “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only.”

As your family gains confidence in the routine aspects of the comfort zone and encouraging daily family life, each of you is able to point your focus on other more challenging tasks, tasks that will likely take more mental and physical energy - tasks to expand and enrich your comfort zone. Likewise, after a family comfort zone expansion challenge, meaning your family has pushed the boundaries of the typical comfort zone, either individually or together, you get to then return to better known situations and be renewed to continue the cycle of rejuvenation and expansion of your comfort zone.

2 Peter 3:18 tells us to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.” Growing in grace involves expansion of the comfort zone. It involves loving others who are unknown to you, it involves facing your fears together, it involves being devalued by outsiders but remembering your intrinsic worth. Keeping your focus on God’s truth allows you to feel appreciated even if everyone on the outside of your family comfort zone does not appreciate you. And, so much more.

Now, lest you think you have nothing to give, remember 1 Corinthians 12:5-7, “There are different ministries, but the same Lord. And there are different activities, but the same God works all of them in each person. A manifestation of the Spirit is given to each person for the common good.” You have been given an aspect of God’s spirit to work in His kingdom - in your family and in your community.

1 timothy 4:14-15 admonishes us not to “neglect the gift that is in” us and to “Practice these things; be committed to them, so that your progress may be evident to all.”

Ask yourselves these questions, “Has my family rightly applied the concept of the family comfort zone?”

If not, “how have we failed to create a supportive, loving, godly comfort zone for our family?” OR “how have we allowed the comfort zone to hold us back?”

If you do have a good and godly family comfort zone, how can you begin to expand it for your individual goods, collective good, and most importantly, for God’s kingdom?

As you contemplate your family comfort zone, we encourage you to pray for and with one another. Be blessed!

For a reminder, if we fail to heed the risks of the comfort zone, we fall prey to only feeling over doing - our sense of ease over taking action. The good of the comfort zone is that we see that our being - our very existence - is more important than any action we could ever take. Being over doing is the good of the comfort zone.

A good biblical example of the good of the comfort zone is Mary of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Mary stopped her “doing” and entered into a place of “being.” She sat at the feet of Jesus, focusing on the very purpose of life and her existence within His kingdom. Our families are to be comfort zones like when we sit at the feet of Jesus. Our family comfort zone offers safety, security, peace, rest, and support.

Let’s start with the first two: safety and security. Those words are often used together, almost synonymously as adjectives, and while safe can also only be a noun and secure can also only be a verb, safe and secure (safety and security) are two sides of the same coin. Safe or safety is more readily defined as the personal feeling or condition of being free from harm whereas secure or security more readily involves the act of protection the efforts or measures that are outside of the person.

Proverbs 18:10 demonstrates that “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.” When the family holds tight to God’s word and his power, the family comfort zone should be secure. Job 11:18 “And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security.”

How? When a family member is struggling, the family comfort zone allows for a space that is both safe and secure. Think of a child being bullied at school. Having home a respite where the child knows he or she will be able to relax and know that others cannot hurt them there is part of the job of being a parent. Moms and dads, this means that you MUST be monitoring your children’s devices, especially if your child has any social media, texting, or gaming app that allows for more than pre-fab comments. Home is not secure if people are allowed to attack us from the false anonymity of their devices.

Next, the family comfort zone should offer peace and rest. A website I found summarized the difference this way, “Peace is a state of calmness and tranquility, while rest is a physical or mental state of relaxation or recovery.” John 16:33 reminds us of God’s peace, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” And, in Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

How does a family comfort zone provide peace and rest? First, we need to remember that we are all wired differently. Some family members will need much more sleep than the others. Some will need quieter spaces to find their peace and rest whereas some will feel rested after a fun, loud family game night. To have a family comfort zone that works for each of you, you will need to stay observant and open to different options as needed.

And, lastly, a family comfort zone must offer support. Support means to bear all or part of the weight of something. It means to literally hold up if needed. Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Every single one of us will need support at some point in our lives. By choosing a family life of one anothering, a family member will always know that even if they mess up royally, they will have the loving support of their family, and yes, that even includes holding them accountable for any bad behavior. God calls us into His righteousness, so support is holding one another up even when we must face the full consequences of our bad actions.

Five minute families, is your home a comfort zone? Can you find peace, rest, safety, security, and support from one another? Take a breath, read God’s Word, and ask for forgiveness if you haven’t created a positive and encouraging family comfort zone. Be blessed!

The comfort zone is a place or situation where we feel safe, at ease, and without stress. Some say the comfort zone is good; some say it is bad. Some say it is neither good nor bad. We say that the comfort zone can be a tool, and if used wisely, can expand your life while keeping you grounded and joyful.

But, before we dive into the good and wise uses of the comfort zone, let’s focus this first week in our “Comfort Zone” series to address the pitfalls that come from returning to or staying too long in the comfort zone. If you settle into your comfort zone and then begin to value feeling over doing, you will find yourself with a host of problems.

First, the comfort zone will quickly and easily allow someone to become complacent. Complacency is being pleased with ourselves without awareness of some potential danger or defect. It is most basically summarized as self-satisfaction. Luke 6:46 warns against this when it says, “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” Complacency in action often means inaction in reality. James 4:17 cautions us, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”

Second, the comfort zone has led many folks in complicity. Complicity is “the state of being involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.” Now, we aren’t meaning full blown illegal behavior necessarily, but being complicit in the family’s comfort zone, might be starting another episode of the show you have been binge watching when you know your brother or sister hasn’t gotten anything done that they were supposed to do that day. We see this biblically in Exodus 32. Aaron is asked by the Israelites to return to the comfort zone of polytheistic worship, and he steps right back into that comfort zone with them by creating the Golden Calf.

Third, the comfort zone offers us protections from the fear of the unknown. The uneasiness created within us when we are doing something new can lead to disharmony and frustration among our family members. When one of us is uneasy, it can rub off on the others, so the comfort zone may keep us looking inward (and ultimately creating even more unknowns). We cry out “There’s a lion outside” like the slacker in Proverbs 22:13, but the lion is in our imaginations.

Fourth, the comfort zone leads us to settling for “just enough” and thus avoiding exceling. Settling in the comfort zone typically means the basic needs are met, but our wants and deepest desires are not. Proverbs 13:4 informs us that “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing.” Matthew 6:33 tells us to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” But, if we are stuck in the comfort zone in our family, we won’t challenge ourselves and each other to achieve more for the kingdom of God or for our loved ones.

Fifth, the comfort zone gives us a false sense of control. For anyone who has heard me speak about the illusion of control, you know that we cannot give into the false truths that come from thinking that we can control all the minutia of how our lives will go. Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We do not control the world around us, nor the people in our families or biblical communities, but the comfort zone brings that illusion.

Is your home a limiting, avoidant comfort zone? Much of life is about balancing risks and rewards. Be aware of the risks of the comfort zone, so that you and your loved ones can avoid the pitfalls. Do not let the risks of the comfort zone overwhelm your home and your family.

Next week, we are going to chat about the good of the comfort zone, so don’t miss it!

Thank you for joining us today. Please be sure to check out our website clearviewretreat.org for upcoming family events at our retreat located in Lancing, Tennessee, or drop us a comment on our facebook, instagram, or x pages. Be blessed!

Now, if you have a parent or spouse who was told how to control their skis, and they have the spatial and physical awareness, skiing was easy for them. A few runs to get the full gist of when and how to control the force of gravity acting upon your body, and they were ready for more challenging slopes. For those of us who do not have that type of spatial and physical awareness, being introduced to the more difficult runs too soon can be a painful or terrifying experience.

Why mention that? Because, parents, you may have experiences with your spouse or child in which you have the spiritual knowledge or emotional skills to understand the forces acting on you and your family and handle those experiences completely differently than your spouse or child even though they have been exposed to the same set of current circumstances but whose past experiences (or nonexistent experiences) have not prepared them to handle the new experience well.

Another example, are those younger children who are allowed to participate in older children’s activities due to their parents’ involvement. The adults do not realize that they are setting the younger children up for attitudes of hubris since these younger children have the security of a new experience with mom or dad nearby while, when it is finally an age-appropriate activity, they have comparative few fears or concerns and often sit in judgment and pride toward other children their own age experiencing the situation for the first time - but those friends are without the security of their parents around. None of the kids really understand the experiential or emotional differences. And, unfortunately, it happens more than the adults realize. The set-up is for the adults’ convenience sake, but the offense to the other children judged by the advantaged ones is still very real.

Those are just two of uncountable examples of an imbalances or differences in experience, maturity, awareness, physical ability, and more. How do we five-minute families deal with these within our own families and communities?

First, we must remember the concept of 2 Peter 1: 5-8. We each have different measures of qualities that need to be refined and strengthened. “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if you possess these qualities and they are increasing, they will keep you from being useless or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Families, remember that not everyone knows what you know or can do what you do.

Second, don’t let age be your only gauge. I once heard an elderly woman say, “I am old, so listen to me” even though she had completely missed the point of what the younger (middle aged) man was saying. Elihu’s words in Job 32 to Job and his three friends immediately came to mind. He said, “I am young in years, while you are old; therefore I was timid and afraid to tell you what I know. I thought that age should speak and maturity should teach wisdom. But it is the spirit in a person—the breath from the Almighty—that gives anyone understanding. It is not only the old who are wise or the elderly who understand how to judge.” Now, please don’t mis-hear us. Be respectful of your elders, but elders, you need to also be respectful of those younger than you.

Third, slow down. Nothing can summarize that better than James 1:19, “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” We must take a moment and let God’s word be our guide, not our flesh.

Fourth, seek Godly counsel. Speak with a pastor, coach, mentor, or counselor if you or a loved one is struggling in some way - whether it is because you are struggling with the differences in how you see your situation or for some other reason. Proverbs 19:20 as well as many other verses advise us, to “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

Fifth, never forget to pray about the situation you find yourself in. Of course, that goes for everything since we are to pray without ceasing, but James 1:5 applies here especially, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.”

Five minute families, we have the opportunity to strengthen our weaknesses and share our strengths when we realize our differences in abilities and work together for the glory of God. May you and your loved ones be blessed this week!

Today, let’s discuss the concept of waiting, the concept of “not yet.” Have you ever trained a dog? My sister trained our childhood dog to “wait” despite his favorite treat - a slice of cheese - being placed on the floor in front of him. He would look away, eyeball the cheese, and then look up at her expectantly. It was hard, but he knew that she always gave him good and wonderful things - her love, her attention, his needs met, and treats - yummy, yummy treats. There were times that if he listened and left the piece of cheese alone on the ground, she would give him a bigger one, and then, almost always he got the one that had been placed before him as well.

Now, obviously, we are not created to be obedient dogs to the Lord, but we could learn a lot from them. When we dream something and it seems almost possible but not yet quite attainable, do we trust our Lord and Savior to do what is best for His glory and our good, or do we try to scoot around and get closer to dream another way? Do we just reach out and grab it when it isn’t the best timing? To further the dog analogy, we could have had two pieces of cheese if we had waited but we didn’t.

We must remember in our time of “not yet” that God may be preparing us to be ready to receive properly. Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Often times, God is protecting us from something we cannot see. Psalm 3:3 states, “But you, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.” At the time of Kim’s sister training their dog, there had been some evil people leaving poisoned food along the walkways to harm animals. Their dog needed to follow her commands in order to be protected from this danger.

“Not yet” seasons are often growth seasons. We might not be able to see the work being done on our roots, but when the moment arrives, the strength that we have gained allows us to appreciate the dream, the goal, or even the peace all the more. Don’t forget what God says in James 1:2, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”

Isaiah 55:8 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.” It is not yet time. Psalm 27:14 reads “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Sometimes, five-minute families, it is simply not yet time. We have to remember all the things that God has brought us through so that we can trust Him in this season of “not yet,” too.

And, never forget that God may have said “not yet” because He actually has a new direction for you to follow. Colossians 1:9 - “And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” We will still stay on the right path as one blogger wrote, but we must remember that the right path is God’s path, and so if He leads you to a place of not yet and then redirects you, He does have a plan and a purpose.

As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, we must “Trust in the Lord with all our heart; and lean not on our own understanding. We must acknowledge Him, and He will direct our paths.” We need to be unwavering in holding onto God as we walk this life together. When one of us in the family experiences frustration or difficulty in the season of “not yet,” then we get to encourage one another, sharing stories of God’s faithfulness, either from His word or from our own lives. We thank you for joining us this week and God bless! 

Whenever you feel discouraged or unaware, remember the word “yet.” So, “I don’t know” becomes “I don’t know YET.” “I don’t understand”… “I don’t understand YET.”

Remember what James wrote in James 1:5, “Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God—who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly—and it will be given to him.” That verse doesn’t say you will know immediately when something happens, especially as a family with various levels of biblical knowledge and application. Take a breath and pray for wisdom to come. Remember, in Psalm 27:14, we are reminded to wait for the Lord.

Here are five suggestions:

Refocus your mind on Christ. James 3:13-17 Who among you is wise and understanding? By his good conduct he should show that his works are done in the gentleness that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without pretense.

Seek godly counsel. Proverbs 19:20 Listen to counsel and receive instruction so that you may be wise later in life.

Control your emotions. Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil an opportunity.” Emotions are normal, how you respond to those emotions is the challenge set before us.

Be humble. Don’t try to get ahead of the Lord like Sarah did. Remember 1 Corinthians 3:18-20, “Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, let him become a fool so that he can become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, since it is written, He catches the wise in their craftiness; and again, The Lord knows that the reasonings of the wise are futile.”

Stay hopeful. As Psalm 130:5 says, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope.”

Five minute families, none of us know everything we need to know to deal with the issues that will arise. The flipside of the encouraging “yet” is, for example, we will face death in our immediate families, but we have not yet. We will face addiction in our family or biblical community, but we have not yet. We will have moments of overwhelm, irritation, rebellion, disinterest, and so much more, in our families, even if we haven’t yet.

Don’t let “yet” be a negative word in your home. Hold tight to God’s truth that nothing is new under the sun and that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge (Proverbs 1:7). Since wisdom resides in the heart of the discerning (Proverbs 14:33), we know that by holding onto God in difficult or simply confusing times, we can come out the other side, praising Him and being even more effective to share His truth and light to those around us who are hurting.

Steve Laube put it this way, “In every sense Jesus is our “yet.” Everything before Him pales when compared to the after.” John 1: 11-12 says, “He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” And again we see ‘yet’ in John 11:25, “Jesus said unto her, ‘I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.'”

Don’t despair with “We can’t seem to get grace, mercy, and forgiveness right…” “We can’t seem to get grace, mercy, and forgiveness right…yet!” Add the yet! Adopt an attitude of ‘yet.’

As Jeff Schreve wrote, “Yet is an encouraging word of faith that drives away the gloom of doubt and disbelief.” You’ll get there, families. Trust God and be blessed!

I watched a reel that demonstrated someone coming to their spouse and sharing that the spouse’s behavior had made them feel badly. The spouse immediately got defensive and said that they weren’t mean. To skip to the summary, the spouse felt if they agreed with their significant other’s feelings, then the spouse would be admitting they were wrong. But, feelings about a situation are not right or wrong. As Jon Bloom at desiringGod.org writes, “Feelings are a gauge, not a guide.”

Jesus had feelings. He wept, which indicates he felt sadness and loss. We know he was distressed in Mark 14. He felt and had compassion for those around him. He got frustrated when he was at the temple, and we know he felt tempted but, of course, never sinned.

If Jesus had feelings, we do not have to adopt an attitude of stoicism to be a good Christian. Thankfully, we know that God created emotions and emotions themselves are neither bad nor good. It is what we do with our emotions that matter. Remember, like we said in our past devotion, it is ok to have big emotions, but it is what we do with those emotions that matters most.

As Christ-followers, we can be emotional beings, not the negative connotation of emotional, but the willingness to allow ourselves and others to feel, acknowledge, accept, and process their emotions. When someone we love dies, even after a long and painful season, we can be sad, we can weep, we can allow ourselves to feel the levels of loss that that person’s death will bring to our lives. Sometimes, our bodies will go through a period of change, of depression, of chemical imbalances. There is a time for everything, including the emotions that seem undesirable. It is through the undesirable emotions of loss, frustration, grief, and more that we learn about our loved ones - both those who are left behind and those who have died. It is through undesirable emotions that we often learn more about ourselves - what motivates us, what triggers us, what causes us to get up and get moving each morning. You get the idea.

So, let’s talk about five more emotions addressed in the Bible.

First, delight. In Psalm 37:4, we read, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Delight. We are allowed to feel pleasure, to feel good about our lives, our families. That delight must begin with the Lord.

Second, affection. Romans 12:10 tells us to “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” We can enjoy being with someone - a husband, a friend, a church family member. We can feel fondly for one another and enjoy being together.

Third, fear. Remember, nowhere in the Bible do we read that Jesus felt fear. And, God’s word tells us, according to some, 365 times not to fear. If God’s word addresses fear that many times, then we know that we are going to experience it, but let’s take those fearful thoughts captive, and turn the spirit of fear on its head as Luke 12:4-5 encourages us to do, “I say to you, my friends, don’t fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more. But I will show you the one to fear: Fear him who has authority to throw people into hell after death. Yes, I say to you, this is the one to fear!”

Fourth, anger. So many Christians think if they get angry, they are sinning. Jesus got angry, yet He did not sin. As Psalm 37:8 points out, “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.” I think Ephesians 4:26 says it a little better, “Be angry and do not sin.”

And, fifth, joy. We know Jesus felt joy. In John 15, He tells us to abide in the Father so that His joy will be in us and our joy will be made full. We also know from Psalm 5:11 that when we take refuge in God, we will shout for joy forever.

Feel your feelings; do not suppress them. Evaluate your particular emotion’s usefulness in the moment. Will expressing it in an impulsive way achieve the goal you desire? When our niece told us they were expecting, I shouted with joy. I never thought I’d be the person to do so - we’ve all seen the videos, but that was an emotional response worth sharing. Yet, maybe the frustration with your child for not understanding how to complete a task despite hearing you explain it ten times and showing them twice as many - yeah, maybe that frustrated response would be better kept under your self-control and a well-thought out response would be better.

Love big, laugh out loud, and enjoy one another as God intends. Be blessed!

For most of history, the word sanctuary referred to the holiest of holy places in a church, usually where the Lord’s supper was taken. Sanctuary has both literal and figurative meanings in today’s usage. Most people refer to any place wherein they feel safe and secure as a sanctuary. Folks today who are seeking refuge, may literally go into a church and ask for figurative sanctuary.

Sanctuary has basically two main meanings in the Bible. In the old covenant, the sanctuary is a physical space considered the holiest of holies, and only the high priest is allowed to enter once a year, and if he was unclean, he would die. In Exodus 25:8, God says, “And let them make me a sanctuary, that I may dwell in their midst.” The sanctuary was a physical place for the presence of the one true God. Jeremiah 17:12 further describes it with “A glorious throne set on high from the beginning” as “the place of our sanctuary.”

As Hebrews 9 declares in verses 8 and 9, “The Holy Spirit was making it clear that the way into the most holy place had not yet been disclosed while the first tabernacle was still standing. This is a symbol for the present time, during which gifts and sacrifices are offered that cannot perfect the worshiper’s conscience.” Continuing in verse 11 that Christ came as a high priest, entering the most holy place for all time by His own blood. With this new covenant, Christ is our sanctuary. He is the high priest who brings us into the presence of the Most High God.

As we wrote this, Kim battled with these two questions:

1. Is the reason we have reduced the meaning of the word sanctuary from the holiest of holies to a personal safe place because we have slowly replaced God in our society with the little ‘g’ god of self?

2. Or, have we finally allowed ourselves to fully grasp that God is everywhere, and we can step into His holiness at any time because of the great work of Jesus Christ on the cross?

And, honestly, I think it is both/and, not either/or. If we allow ourselves to focus on the feeling of calm, the lack of conflict, or the desire for comfort, we can certainly - very quickly and easily - replace the one True God with our little ‘g’ god-selves.

HOWEVER, if we focus on God and realize that He is so much more than a room in a building, then we have allowed Him to transform our stilted, “don’t run here” thinking into welcoming Him into every facet of our lives, bringing joy, peace, calm, and comfort, no matter what storm may rage around us.

As Ezekiel 11:16 says, “Though I removed them far off among the nations, and though I scattered them among the countries, yet I have been a sanctuary to them for a while in the countries where they have gone.”

So, how does a five-minute family become a sanctuary for the Lord and for those in the family itself?

1. Be spirit led. Galatians 5:16-18, the Apostle Paul tells us to “walk by the Spirit.” Walking by the Spirit means we choose love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

2. Be in God’s Word daily. This is hard. Trust us, we know. There are distractions galore. Kim and I are in God’s Word daily, but we often fail to get into the word every day with our children. We don’t have any regular schedule, and this makes it that much harder. We don’t say that to make excuses; we say it to let you know we understand. We are right there with you if this is an area of struggle for your family.

3. We must set our minds on God. He says in Psalm 91:14, “Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name.” To set our minds on God, we must choose to think about God throughout our days, not just during our daily reading or at church.

4. Be authentic. Just as Paul was authentic in 1 Corinthians 2. Remember, he did not go to them proclaiming Christ with lofty speech or wisdom. He spoke of nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified. Paul went to them in his weakness in fear and in trembling. His speech and message were not the orator’s best, but the Holy Spirit used Paul’s authenticity to show the power of God.

5. Be forgiving. No one feels safe if they aren’t sure if they will be attacked at any time for a past mistake. As Ephesians 4 reminds us, “Forgive as God forgave you.”

Live for God, be His sanctuary, and offer sanctuary to one another by striving for God’s excellence in your lives. Be blessed!

In years past, we have made different suggestions for families to have intentional discussions surrounding the newness concept. Last year we discussed standards, goals, resolutions, and new opportunities. The year before we discussed possibilities and planning by beginning with the end in mind, and in our first year with the Five Minute Family we suggested coming up with a family word of the year. Personally for our own family, some of these ideas worked better than others through the years, depending on the ages and needs of our children at the time.

As I was driving to be with family this holiday, I heard a podcast by Mel Robbins. She explained six questions to ask yourself as you step into the new year. The first three are focused on reviewing the past year, and the next three steps are focused on the coming year. To give that concept the Five Minute Family spin (with a bonus), let’s discuss the first three past-year reflective questions she poses.

First, what were your family highlights from last year? Remembering the good and lovely things that happened are important, even if the year had many sad or difficult moments. 1 Corinthians 11:2 encourages us to remember the wonderful gifts from our Lord: “Now I praise you because you remember me in everything.”

Just as Mel Robbins encouraged, don’t only rely on your own memory, pull out the camera roll and calendar to give you and your loved ones a fuller picture of the year.

Second question: What were your hardest moments this year as a family? Psalm 56:8 points out that God has put our tears in a bottle. As one author put it “Our sorrows matter to God.” Reflecting on those hard times allows us to remember how they affected us and is important, especially when you get to question number three.

What did you learn about yourselves this past year? There may be a bit more self-focus on this question as you discuss this as a family, but try to keep in mind the family identity you are cultivating and how the individual’s changes impact the family identity as well as how the family identity may have been fundamentally altered. What does that mean moving forward as a Christ-centered family? 1 Peter 4:10 puts it this way, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another.”

In May 2021 we discussed the “stop start continue” concept as it could be applied to the marital relationship. Mel Robbins used that concept as her second set of three questions - the forward-looking questions. Here, we want to prompt your thoughts to get your minds focused as a family on what you can collectively do.

First up in the moving forward category, what do you need to STOP doing as a family? Acts 3:19-20a states, “Therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out, that seasons of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord…” Not all of the actions you think of may be sinful, but there are actions you need to stop as a family because they may not be the most edifying. Sinful actions such a complaining or gossiping need to go, of course, but what about the actions of always calling out what someone else is doing wrong? I know I am guilty of that. As mom, it is my job to correct and instruct my children, but are there some situations in which I need to hold my tongue and let them see the need for a change in their behavior themselves?

Second in the moving forward category is, what do you need to continue doing? Are you already intentional AT LEAST five strategic moments a day to stay connected as a family? If you are reading God’s word daily, that’s another thing to keep continuing doing. Do you already build one another up with your words and actions?

And, finally, in the moving forward, almost resolution-esque category, what do you need to start doing this year to achieve your family goal or goals as a strong, godly Christ-centered family? Maybe you aren’t reading God’s word together on a regular basis, and you want to begin to do so. Maybe you need to create a family vision board and work to a goal of household chore consistency.

Whatever it may be, use what you learned about yourselves in the highlights and lowlights of last year to make realistic plans to step into 2024 one anothering as God intends. Never forget Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” Be blessed!

Thankfully, our society has come to accept healthy demonstrations of emotions much better than it has in history. However, with the rise of social media and the endless news cycle, unhealthy and maladaptive forms of emotional demonstration have become news and viral fodder. If someone gets fame for bad behavior, they have received reinforcement to behave badly.

The same holds true in our homes. If we allow the person in the family who demonstrates their negative emotions in controlling, angry, or destructive ways - whether that is the patriarch or the toddler, to control the emotional environment, we are all doomed to get-togethers of misery - anxiety, walking on eggshells, feeling unheard or controlled, the list goes on.

A family must learn to identify the emotions being felt AND learn how to communicate them in healthy, relationship building ways - yes, even the bad ones. This needs to start young if possible. In fact, as I sat down to write this evening, I just heard our son say to his very young daughter, “It’s ok to have big feelings, but you can’t act like that. You have to control yourself.” She didn’t want to eat her veggie pouch of baby food. She wanted her fruit pouch. But, by lovingly identifying the emotions she was feeling AND validating those emotions, he guided her to calm down and behave in a manner that would keep harmony despite her lack of desire to eat her veggies.

As our kids grow, this scenario plays out again and again. Our nine-year-old was upset thinking someone had thrown away his dessert that he hadn’t finished. His over-the-top demonstration of his anger and frustration did not get him any closer to eating the dessert. He was disappointed. He yelled about stubbing his toe, he angrily asked everyone where his dessert was. And, ultimately, his bad behavior cost him his ability to eat his dessert when he desired.

Five-minute parents, the same is true for us. How often are we frustrated by the extended family member who has spent a lifetime turning themselves into the victim of every real or perceived conflict. It is exhausting. It is defeating. How do we have a conversation with that person, especially when our emotions are big? Well, just like the kiddos, it is ok to have big emotions, but we have to learn how to communicate our needs in calm, healthy ways. And, sometimes, we have to realize that, no, that person may not ever change. But, we can’t let their victim mentality and inability to see the hurts and disappointments they have created to control the entire family narrative. Will it serve any good or godly purpose to confront the person at this time about their bad behavior, or will we just be heaping our own bad behavior on top? (and, incidentally, if the emotionally unhealthy person likes playing the victim, they will just feel more victimized and a perpetual cycle is established.

Yet, we know that expressing our emotions can have both mental and physical health benefits. So, we have to learn that demonstrating our emotions does not need to be slamming a door, screaming out, or talking to someone. Expressing our emotions can happen entirely in our minds in a healthy and adaptive ways in which we acknowledge their existence and make an intentional choice to respond in godly ways.

The Kansas City Heath System website explained that acknowledging our emotions can:

Help us see problems in a new light

Make decision-making and problem-solving easier

Allow us to rid ourselves of the power of the feeling and bring control of our response

Reduce anxiety

and Ease depression

It continues, “When we fail to express our emotions, our brain can often go into the fight-or-flight state. This is a physical reaction to stress that sets off a chain of events throughout our bodies. It increases our heart rate, slows digestive functions and makes us feel anxious or depressed.”

Proverbs 29:11 reminds us that “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.” And, Proverbs 15:18 says also, “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but one slow to anger calms strife.” 2 Timothy 1:7 states it this way, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” Some versions say “power and love and self-control”

Five-minute families, we encourage you to recognize that IT IS OK TO HAVE BIG FEELINGS, but it truly is what we do with those feelings that matters. Will a demonstration of your anger (or whatever feeling you are having in that moment) will that demonstration serve God and build up your family member?

May God guide you as your family works to honor him with your emotional acceptance and expressions this coming year. Be blessed!

That’s a good word. Celebrate. Celebrations. This past weekend we had the chance to witness a sweet proposal and to participate in the celebration that followed. This time of year, in America we have Christmas parades, Christmas pageants, Christmas cantatas, Christmas parties and more. A whole month of celebrations of the birth of Jesus and the joy of family and friends surrounding us.

Celebrations are biblical. There are the seven feasts or festivals of the Old Testament - celebrations of God and foreshadowing of the coming Messiah - Jesus Christ. Jesus Himself performed His first recorded miracle at a wedding celebration, and He used the parable of a wedding feast in Matthew 22:2.

Not only are we to celebrate God such as Psalm 34:3 “O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together” and Psalm 95:2 “Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” show. We are also to celebrate each other. Some people say, “Never miss an opportunity to celebrate.” Of course, we do not want to lessen or cheapen the experience of celebration, but we also want to make sure that we enter into celebration frequently enough to receive the benefits of celebration.

Celebration brings better physical health. When people gather in celebration, laughter often ensues. Laughter literally helps the muscles relax, the blood pressure lower, and the airways open. Folks have a tendency to perceive less pain and express more gratitude. Organ transplant recipients were studied and it was found that those who expressed gratitude got better faster and functioned better, too. So, celebrate to improve your physical health.

Celebration brings better mental health. When we choose to focus on the triumphs and accomplishments of those we love, we release endorphins, and that allows for an overall feeling of better well-being. When we see those who are for us in life, no matter how small the circle we have may be, we more from fear to fellowship and faith.

Celebration brings stronger family relationships. Special events quite often become reunions, allowing for connection and endurance of family bonds.

Celebration strengthens community relationships. When we celebrate, we issue invitations to those who are important in our lives or in that specific accomplishment. Pastors, coaches, professionals such as doctors and teachers, parental friendships, peer relationships - all are bonded more deeply when celebrations are added.

Celebration brings a healthy self-concept. One website said it best, “A healthy person understands the whole arc of life as a continuous journey, punctuated by moments of pain and of joy but always changing. Special occasions are the milestones along this journey, chances to stop and reflect on life as a whole, and on the person who has lived it.”

I think if my sister ever decides to have a second career, she needs to be a party planner. She once took dollar store birthday party gift bags and turned them into decorations for our four-year-old’s birthday party. I had a cake and ice cream for his little party and a small gift bag per child coming, but that was it. No balloons, no decorations. I hadn’t even printed invitations. I simply made phone calls. It took her maybe 30 minutes to plan and execute her decorating the room with the gift bags and various child craft items our sons had, and our son loved it.

She has asked if she is doing too much at the setup of an event, but yet, it really isn’t about doing too much for her. She is showing that the person or persons being celebrated are important to her, that they are worthy of her time and planning and decorating and even the cleaning that comes afterward. She enjoys making someone feel special, that their moment is the most important thing right then. Of course, not all of us are going to have the time or money to invest in party decorations for all the different events that come along in life, but we all have the opportunity to show others that their special days, their special moments, matter to us.

So, if you can’t afford a banner and chargers and coordinated centerpieces and matching place cards and whatever else is out there, choose to make the person’s favorite meal, write a simple note of celebration, and say a special prayer out loud over the person.

Celebrate and be blessed!

For the longest time, that African proverb really bothered me. I think because so many politicians with nefarious educational goals and parenting ideas were constantly using the phrase when my kids were younger. But, despite how others may MIS-use the saying, truly, biblically, we are to be in community. We are to one another the hard-to-discipline kids, and their parents, too.

We are to one another the child who never speaks in Sunday school, and their parents, too. We are to one another the sports star kid and their parents as well as the kid with physical disabilities and their parents. We are to encourage, mentor, love, and support one another no matter what comes along. Through the season of parenting, we need biblical community.

Quite often, we seek out biblical community that is from our same-age peer group. We have similar experiences, similar development and maturity, and more. I still have a friend that I met on my first night of a moms’ group twenty-three years ago. Our main connecting factors at that time were that we are very close to the same age and both Christians, and, thus, that put most of our children at about the same ages.

Most of us seek out same-age peer groups for ease of communication and connection, but as Titus 2 points out, the older generations are to teach the younger generations. As a young parent, speaking to other young parents, we are all just experimenting, not really yet knowing the results, but when an older parent takes the time to share what worked for her kiddos and what didn’t IN THE LONG RUN, we can make better decisions for our children. Research is showing the importance of multi-generational community.

Hebrews 10:23-25 points, “Let us hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, since he who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day approaching.” We WILL have difficult seasons, even with neuro-typical children who have no physical, mental, or learning disabilities. Parenting each child will have moments of uncertainty and moments when we draw away from our biblical community. That’s when the community needs to step up and step in and encourage the parents and help meet the needs of the kiddos in other ways.

Remember what Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”

Take, for example, Numbers 11 and the last part of verse 17. “They will help you bear the burden of the people, so that you do not have to bear it by yourself.” In full context, this is about Moses contending with the people of Israel and their constant grumbling and complaining. Moses can only take so much, and that is true for parents sometimes. Certain seasons and certain children are very difficult. Without help, parents can reach their breaking point.

Remember that you are NOT equipped for every single element of skill and every single need that your child will have. We are equipped as godly parents, and godly parents have to be willing to trust another in the faith to teach, counsel, and encourage their children. Romans 12:3-6 “For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one. Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts.”

Parents, we need to pray that God will bring us wisdom and that He bring the right people into our and our children’s lives as needed. We must pray for mentors and peers, so that they can help build us up and help give us the insight we need to meet the needs that God intends for us to meet.

Hold tight to God and the biblical community He brought you to. Be blessed!

In life there are five essential needs of human survival. Those are air, water, food, shelter, and sleep. Likewise, as five-minute families, we need to remember the five essentials in creating a strong Christian household and we can use the five basic needs as an analogy, just as God did in His Word.

Air is the Holy Spirit. The Hebrew word for spirit is ruah, which, in its most basic sense, means breath, air, or wind. Without the Spirit, we find ourselves suffocating by the weight of our sin. Just as a patient with the lung disease COPD needs not just oxygen but also needs to expel carbon dioxide, if we do not keep ourselves attached to the spirit by praying, reading God’s Word, and obeying what it says, we will find our lungs - our lives - too filled with the carbon dioxide of sin to truly fill our lungs - our lives - with the refreshing, renewing oxygen of the Holy Spirit. Remember Acts 17:28a “For in him we live and move and have our being.”

The second essential need is water. In the Christian home we are talking about the living water of Jesus Christ. John 7:37-38 says, “On the last and most important day of the festival, Jesus stood up and cried out, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. The one who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, will have streams of living water flow from deep within him.’” And Jeremiah 2:13 “For my people have committed a double evil: They have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves—cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.”

Next is food - the milk and meat of God’s word and teachings. 1 Corinthians 3:1 and 2 reminds us that “Brothers and sisters, when I was there, I could not talk to you the way I talk to people who are led by the Spirit. I had to talk to you like ordinary people of the world. You were like babies in Christ. And the teaching I gave you was like milk, not solid food. I did this because you were not ready for solid food.” As we mature, we eat more meat. Some say the meat of God’s Word is the deeper, more complex Christian teachings, but specifically in Hebrews 5:12-13 we see that the meat of God’s word is righteousness: “Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the basic principles of God’s revelation again. You need milk, not solid food. Now, everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant.” Remember, five-minute families, we must grow in our understanding of God’s basic principles but we must also grow in righteousness.

Fourth, we all need shelter, shelter from the elements that threaten us. Thankfully, God is our strong tower as Proverbs 18:10 tells us “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are protected.”

And, last but not least, the final basic need in life is sleep. For the Christ-follower, that means both rest in the waiting and rest in the doing. We know from Matthew 11:28-30 that God will give us rest from the wearying cares of the world, and as we practice God’s Sabbath rest, He will also provide rest and renewed energy for our daily lives.

How are you doing in your homes to make sure that you yourself and your family have these five basic essentials of the Christian life met? If you feel like you are falling down in one of these areas, invite God to reveal to you what your weaknesses are and how best to address them in your family.

As always, we thank you for taking these five minutes each week to listen to the Five Minute Family devotional. We are excited to report that the podcast has now been heard in forty-seven countries. We started sharing the radio devotionals as podcasts when Dustin at WECO radio was kind enough to send them back to us with the intro and exit music added. We want folks to know about what we believe and what we teach hear at Clear View Retreat, so if you have enjoyed any of our radio shows or podcasts, please share about this Five Minute Family podcast with your friends and family. Thanks. Be blessed!

There are lists and posts about gratitude and thankfulness. There are articles about “Things to Be Grateful For Despite Everything.” So, basically, we are to find things to be thankful and grateful for even when we aren’t FEELING thankful and grateful. Judy Ponio states it this way, “Practicing gratitude when life is beating down on you isn’t easy. In fact, it takes a special kind of inner strength and resilience to appreciate your blessings in times of hardship.”

Interestingly, the sermon at church last week was about Philippians 4 and contentment. We submit to you today that the process of becoming more grateful and the state of contentment are closely tied together. Being able to say that “Christ is enough” and coming to a state of contentment on a personal level is one thing, but since this is a family-focused devotional, let’s ask… how do we find contentment in our families when someone who must be around us is pessimistic, depressed, an argumentative non-believer, angry… you get the picture? How do we say “Christ is enough” when our children are embarrassing us or when our spouses are annoyed with us and willing to demonstrate that? How do we find contentment in Christ when our kids bicker the whole way to church and just cannot seem to stop blaming one another for the issues which arise in life? How do we find contentment in Christ when our spouse seems determined to tear us down at every turn?

Our pastor’s first point is the most applicable here for us, five-minute families… love THROUGH your circumstances. Often, we think of our circumstances of finances, death, illness, and more as basically things that are a single instance or a season of life, but if our circumstances are lifelong, such as those difficult relationships that are not going away, we can’t simply wait out the difficult situation.

Please note that we are not talking about putting good and right boundaries in place in even the most difficult relationships. We are talking about the 10-year-old who mouths off and treats mom or dad with utter contempt despite good and right boundaries. We are talking about the spousal relationship in which the other refuses to be thankful, grateful, or content. Please note, we are not talking about spousal abuse. If there is actual abuse occurring, you need to get safe and get help immediately. We are talking about difficult people who cause difficult relationships.

Back to our topic… Family contentment is largely an adult issue. It is hard, so hard, to be content with Christ when it feels like life is falling down all around you. It is hard to be content when your kids are mean to you or each other or others. It is hard to be content when you are a “glass half empty” kinda person. It is hard if your spouse embarrasses you on purpose. BUT GOD

BUT GOD… that is the whole point, right?

Indeed. In trying to develop a family culture of contentment, don’t put on a fake smile; don’t pretend that all is well. Remember, we live in a sinful, fallen world, and sometimes that world falls on us. And, sometimes, we mess up royally.

BUT GOD… our first thoughts may be rude, disrespectful, or frustrating, BUT GOD gives us the option to move forward to HIS thoughts. God thoughts are contentment. God thoughts are fulfilling. God thoughts are respectful. God thoughts are life-giving. Don’t dwell on the first thoughts. Don’t give in to the first thoughts. Don’t deny that you have first thoughts, but do NOT share them just anywhere or everywhere. God thoughts bring peace. God thoughts bring comfort. God thoughts bring hope.

So, five minute families, even if someone in the home is discontent, you must hold tighter to God’s hand. Just as vocabulary.com points out that “Contentment isn't an excited kind of happy, it's more like a peaceful ease of mind,” we must see that contentment as a family might not be an excited “we enjoyed that car ride to church this morning” type of thing, but family contentment is the peaceful response, the peaceful reconciliation, the peaceful acceptance, and the peaceful offering of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

Philippians 4 verse 11 includes the statement that is oft quoted “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself.” Paul also states in verse 14, “Still, you did well by partnering with me in my hardship.” In addition to always having the triune God with him, Paul was never alone spiritually. His church family came alongside him with his growing pains and theirs to find that contentment together is possible.

Continue praying, keep studying God’s word, seek good and godly counsel, encourage one another, and don’t give up. Be blessed!

My father died almost a month ago. His philosophy was, "I'm a dad. That's my job." For his epitaph, we wrote "I was a dad. I did my job." Because he did. He was not a perfect man. He had his troubles in life. However, he loved his daughters deeply and was proud of our accomplishments. Even when we were childish or selfish, he still loved us. He still gave of himself as he was able. He often said he only had two wishes in life: to see my sister happy and to see me happy. And, he did what he was able to help that along.

Clear View Retreat become a reality when K-pa, as Kim’s dad was affectionately known as for the last twenty-five years, wanted to support the ministry. He was the first benefactor of this nonprofit. He believed in our vision to reach families. In fact, one of the best pieces of advice we received early in our marriage, we received from him, and we share that advice at every marriage retreat we host.

As my sister and I have shared memories, I have grown to appreciate my father in a way I never did when he was living. I didn't understand him as my sister did. This period of mourning and grief has brought me a deeper gratitude for the man who wanted my happiness and desired to bring smiles to people's faces by sharing his love of music, organization, motivational sayings, and more. Our perspective shifts as life tumbles forward.

In reality, grief and gratitude coincide. Think of Ecclesiastes 3:4 “A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” We don’t think of those things happening in the same day, but for true healing in the grief journey to occur, they should be occurring together - though maybe not always in the same day, of course.

Grief in having left necessary things unsaid, but gratitude in knowing that my father forgave me and gratitude for my heavenly father’s forgiveness. Grief in the loss of our earthly fellowship but gratitude for the time we had. Grief in misunderstandings in life but gratitude for clarifications given after his death. Grief in the memories and gratitude for the memories.

We must never forget that Jesus wept and that Matthew 5:4 tells us, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

In grief we feel these following verses:

Psalm 142:2 I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him.

Psalm 13:2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?

Psalm 31:9 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

And Lamentations 5:20 Why do you continually forget us, abandon us for our entire lives?

But in gratitude we hold tight to:

Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 23:1-6 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me

Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

And 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

God knows we ache for the smiles, laughs, hugs, and even frustrating moments of our loved ones when they have died. He knows that our hearts are broken and that our minds go into overdrive. God knows that we need the comfort of family, friends, and the Holy Spirit. He knows that we will fail to grieve well at times, but He is still holding us.

If you have experienced the death of a loved one like we did recently, we pray that their memory will be a blessing to you. Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

We’d like to start with a concept that we will be chewing on and revisiting as time marches on. The concept is neuroplasticity. This word and brain adaptation are not new to many folks, but what it means for a hurting family can be invaluable.

We know that God’s word says that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. How exactly does that happen? Interestingly, it was once believed that no neurons could be formed beyond 18 months of age; the science isn’t clear, but we do know that new neurons can grow, but even if they grow at a slow rate, God created the brain to be incredibly adaptable. People with brain injuries can learn to do skills such as reading or talking even if those traditional areas of the brain is damaged. Now, we don’t just have physical damage that happens to our brain. Emotional moments can greatly impact specific areas of the brain - mainly the amygdala and hippocampus. That means, even if your family has had trauma - individual or collective trauma - then despite the fact that your brains may have a specific initial reaction, it does not mean that the brain cannot be rewired to have healthier, safer, godlier responses.

Think of your old, trauma-induced or negative reactions as an old road, well-traveled and easily known. It is a straight shot but may cause lots of damage to the car and jarring to the people inside. But, it is the shortest, most direct route. It is the one you know and you just don’t have to think about it at all. You can drive this road automatically. You may even learn how to avoid some of the potholes and damaged spots. When healing begins and God gets hold of your heart, a new road begins to be constructed. A new, wider, stronger, safer road is under construction, but you have to weave in and through some of the old lanes. Patchworks emerge to help. But, you have to really pay attention to lane shifts and ‘under construction’ markers. There are hazards - large construction trucks, blockages and slow downs. Maybe even a few detours to the old road periodically. But, finally, the new road is there - strong, safe, and reliable. Maybe every once in a while, you find yourself in an old pattern on the old road, but realize quickly that you can drive back to the beginning, or merge onto to the new road, and have a better rest of the way home.

When a loved one comes to Christ, the old pathways are worn and used, but God begins the process of allowing different neural pathways to be built stronger and healthier.

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

1 Peter 1:14 As obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires of your former ignorance.

Ephesians 4:22-24 take off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires, to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Ezekiel 36:26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

We know God works changes us in an instant for a rare few, and He allows the longer process of sanctification to work through for most folks. Now, we are not saying that science will ever be able to fully explain how God created our brains to function within the transformation.

For example, we know that the peace of God is beyond all understanding, but when we trust the way he created our bodies and our brains to work, we can better understand the process of transforming us into God-honoring, grace-filled, and forgiving families.

Thanks for joining us for this slightly different five-minute family devotional while we share with you some of the amazing things God is doing in the fields of counseling and neuroscience for the families of Christ. Be blessed!

Proverbs 6:6-11 says, “Go to the ant, you slacker (you sluggard, you lazybones)! Observe its ways and become wise. Without leader, administrator, or ruler, it prepares its provisions in summer; it gathers its food during harvest. How long will you stay in bed, you slacker? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the arms to rest, and your poverty will come like a robber, your need, like a bandit.” Sometimes, we take a perfectly valid verse, or two or three, and we beat ourselves up with it. If I weren't so lazy, I'd have gotten more done. Oh no, I never nap; I have things to do.

The reality is that this earthly life requires finding balance. A married person must find the balance between properly serving God and serving the family God brought to him or her. A parent must balance the needs for discipline and possible punishment with grace and mercy.

And, on both an individual and family level we must find balance in rest and activity. Not all activity is productive and not all rest is laziness. We must become wise as the ant. We must work toward our God-given goals. We cannot become lazy and wonder why the lawn looks like a jungle or the car is covered in pollen and dirt.

Still, God rested and he instructed us to rest, too. Exodus 23:12 “Six days you shall do your work, but on the seventh day you shall rest; that your ox and your donkey may have rest, and the son of your servant woman, and the alien, may be refreshed.”

Let’s not forget:

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Exodus 33:14

And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 37:7

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him

Psalm 23:1-2

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

Jeremiah 31:25

For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”

Families, ask yourselves:

1. Are we using our time wisely for God's kingdom? Do we have a routine or plan that works to build God’s people, our community, and our families?

2. Are we resting enough? Do we value rest and sleep as we should? Do we allow ourselves downtime for rebuilding our bodies, hearts, and minds?

3. Are we doing something, anything, in order to feel busy for Christ? Are we volunteering just because there is a need even though we are stretched thin as individuals or as a family?

4. Are we committing our time to include quiet moments with God? Do we order our days to allow each person to have time with the Lord? Do we remember that one person may carve out time in the morning while another family member chooses to read God’s word before bed?

5. Are we allowing each family member to move at their individual pace as their health and well-being call for? Do we fully realize and reflect the physical differences we each have, or are we pushing ourselves or someone in the family beyond their healthy limit?

It’s been a question-filled five-minute family. Take time to reflect on one or two of those questions. Ask God to give you a verse - in context and in balance - for you and your family to meditate on. Don’t use God’s word to shame or diminish you. You use God’s word to uplift and challenge you. His burden is light. He will give us rest, not just our eternal rest in his presence, but rest in this earthly life, too. Be blessed!

Toilet paper rolls are like family arguments… To not quote a popular but rude phrase… they happen. A Mirror UK survey showed that “of those who admitted to leaving an empty toilet paper roll in place, while 43 per cent 'forget', 23 per cent simply can't be bothered while 15 per cent don't even know where the toilet rolls are kept.”

Many of our family arguments resemble those toilet paper roll stats… sometimes we just forget, sometimes we don’t want to be bothered, and sometimes we are not properly equipped to handle a situation. In fact, 2019 statistics show that 70–80% of US adults consider their families to be dysfunctional in some way, which pretty much means we are all dysfunctional, so let’s figure out better ways to relate to one another.

Here are some lessons we can learn as a family from an empty toilet paper roll:

1. Work on instilling the idea - kindly - in each member of the family that “If you see something that needs to be done, do it right then.” We cannot assume that someone else will have more time than we have.

2. Someone else may truly be that unobservant. Common sense isn’t actually all that common. No, not because people are stupid, but because there are many skills and socially acceptable and expectable behaviors that are no longer being taught and thus are no longer common.

3. What you see as trash, others see as potential. Now, Jim composts, so he still sees the toilet paper roll as not something to be gotten rid of; he uses it for a good purpose. If there is a teacher in your family, he or she may need the rolls for crafts at school. You get the idea.

4. Make a plan (or formally verbalize a plan) for sharing the tasks that need to be done around the house. Jim will refill soap dispensers but not say anything about it to others. Talk about those things that each person likes, dislikes, or can tolerant doing. Discuss how each member of the family can be a blessing to one another even in the simple things.

5. Young kids usually like to help. Encourage them and keep helping them, too. This is a great opportunity to connect with your kids and encourage a one anothering lifestyle. Ask about those things that your kids especially would like to take ownership of. Here at CVR, our youngest son goes around and checks the fire extinguisher hoses every month to make sure they are not clogged in any way.

As you contemplate ways to avoid letting needed tasks lead to family arguments remember that sometimes we find ourselves arguing about things we would otherwise let slide. If you find your family is arguing more than normal, take a pause. Pray and ask God to reveal to you what has been going on to create this added tension and then make adjustments as needed.

God reminds us in Psalm 113:7, “He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the trash heap.” And, He gives us a beautiful example in the book of Luke. The prodigal son found himself being treated as something akin to trash in his wanderings away from the protection of his father’s home. When he returned, his father did not see his trashed life, his father only saw the past beauty and future potential of his son. He demonstrated his unconditional love, despite his son’s complete lack of contributing in any way to the family or the family business. Do you love your children like that, mom and dad? Do you need to handle the empty toilet paper rolls differently? I know there are certainly times when I do.

James 4:1-2 states, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”

Often we spend more time on our phone while on the throne than we do thinking about others throughout the rest of the day. If we as parents demonstrate and promote examining ourselves and being self-controlled in our desires, then that can carry over in our conversations with our family.

Take time today to not only talk about the tasks that need to be done around the house but also why the hearts of your loved ones are important as the doers or receivers of those tasks. Be blessed!

Ongoing needs for her require a reshuffling of some family members’ schedules, and some of us visiting with her in her home state. Even still, she hates that her needs are disrupting other people’s lives. But, is she a burden? A bother? A disruption?

Or, rather, is she a blessing for whom we get to exemplify God’s admonishments of one anothering?

You see, the answer to my opening question is that NO ONE is a burden. Asking for help or, more specifically, NEEDING help should not be thought of as a bother or a burden - by the caregiver or the care receiver.

You have had heard us talk often of one anothering. There are 100 Bible verses that use the phrase or a variation of the phrase “one another.” More than half of those are about how we are to treat each other.

John 13:14 tells us to serve one another. “So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.”

John 15:13 exemplifies being willing to disrupt our lives and letting others disrupt theirs for us. “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.”

Acts 6:1-7 reminds us of the great need to care for one another. “Brothers and sisters, select from among you seven men of good reputation, full of the Spirit and wisdom, whom we can appoint to this duty” which is serving the congregational needs. Just as we each have a role to play in the congregation, we each have a role to play at home. Sometimes, we are like the preacher of the word, having to stay focused on the work - the literal job - set before us. Sometimes, we are like the deacons of the church, having to serve our families mental, physical, medical, and emotional needs. And, since we are all called to serve one another, we need to be open to the flexibility of our needs and roles within the family. For example, with so many of us having jobs and responsibilities that do not allow us to be away for weeks at a time, we are tag-teaming taking care of my mother’s needs. Some family went out at the beginning, Kim is there now, and I will be there later this week.

1 Corinthians 12:24 through 26 points out that we are not to suffer alone. “Instead, God has put the body together, … So if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it”

And, Ephesians 4:32 states simply, “Be kind and compassionate to one another.”

If you keep your needs from your loved ones, you are depriving them of the blessing of one anothering. We are not suggesting that a person runs to someone else for every little thing in life; codependence is not the goal here. But, there may be very real instances when you should lean fully on others… doctor says no lifting, no exercising, no leaving the house, etc...

ASK for help. EXPLAIN your needs. DESCRIBE your pain. ACCEPT that some things may be done differently. And, BE GRATEFUL.

But, if you have trouble asking for help:

First, examine your beliefs and see if you can see why you see yourself as a burden instead of the blessing that you are. If you view yourself as a burden, you are believing a lie. Now, someone may have told you explicitly or implied that you are a burden. They are wrong. We each have needs and desires, and God wants our families and biblical communities to step up and take care of those needs and desires.

Second, practice accepting help now even if you are not in great need.

Third, share your real thoughts - though not always your first thoughts (and if you want to know more about that, you can listen to our podcast on God thoughts). Stop hiding your aches and pains. By sharing them in truth, others may be able to help you sooner.

Fourth, do your due diligence to actually take care of yourself. If you are sitting around for days and days, ignoring basic physical needs when you are capable of doing so, that isn’t good. Start small, but do what you can so that when you do need help, you will feel more accepting of it.

And, finally, make a plan to pay it forward if possible. That way, you’ll know you are not taking advantage of anyone.

When you allow others to fulfill their God-given instructions of caring for you, you are a blessing, even in your pain. When you allow others to see you vulnerable, you help them to know that it is ok not to be perfect. That is a blessing. When you give up your independence for interdependence, you have blessed your family, yourself, and future generations.

Be a blessing. And, be blessed!

We’ve talked about serving together before. But, today we want to specifically highlight a family we have had the joy and blessing to serve alongside a few times now. This weekend the plans here at CVR were changed last minute due to a cancellation for a Family Camp. Our fellow volunteer family that does not live nearby came anyway, spending time and over 250 miles of gas money to come and serve families by fixing or improving the facility for our next event.

The family has multiple children, including a young son with special needs who must be monitored at all times. Two things occurred on Saturday that made us stop and be not just thankful but truly grateful for this family’s heart of serving…

First, when presented with a more in-depth project than we originally thought we would have - and I apologized for the added burden, the dad replied, “If not me, who? And if not now, when?” And, second, the mom stated she wished she had done more because she had spent much of her day watching her son.

Let’s dive deeper into both of those statements. “If not me, who? And if not now, when?” While the origin of the quote is attributed to a Jewish rabbi Hillel the Elder, numerous people have used variations as motivation to get things done.

This family had their own projects to do at home. They have friends closer by that need help on things. Dad had plenty of opportunities to apply that statement. Yet, he chose to bring his family here to CVR, bringing his skills and using them so that the mission of CVR can continue in safe and secure ways for other families.

Mom would have likely been more at ease with the safety of her son at home. Their son would have likely felt more comfortable at his own home, with his toys and his routine. She didn’t expect Kim to sit and keep her company. She did what was needed for her children, including watching our youngest alongside them, to be closer as a family and to give her husband the ability to serve with his skills without leaving out his family behind.

Likewise, she didn’t judge me when I took extra resting time before returning to a task, I didn’t expect at any moment for her to somehow do less for her son so that she could work more with me, yet still she wished she could have done more. She provided fellowship and encouragement… one anothering at its finest. I need that to face some of the otherwise undesired and unpleasant tasks that have to be done for us to be able to serve families well.

Now, there are real challenges to serving together as a family....

One person may be more service-minded than another

One person may be more capable than another

One person may need more breaks than another

One person may need more fellowship and conversation during serving than another

One person may just simply drive everyone crazy!

Family serving isn't about competition with one another or with another family. It is about finding each person's strengths and helping them maximize those strengths while recognizing each person's weaknesses and either strengthening those or accepting those - depending on the weakness origin, of course.

Let us leave you with Scripture to ponder as you figure out where you can serve the Lord as a family:

Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord asking: Who will I send? Who will go for us? I said: Here I am. Send me.”

Psalm 119:60 “I hurried and did not delay to keep Your commandments.”

Ephesians 5:15, 16 "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil."

Colossians 4:5 "Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity."

Proverbs 3:27-28 “When it is in your power, don’t withhold good from the one to whom it belongs. Don’t say to your neighbor, “Go away! Come back later. I’ll give it tomorrow”—when it is there with you.”

Serving together as a family takes more intentional planning on the front side. It takes flexibility during the service time. It takes patience, understanding, and, yes, even, forgiveness, sometimes. But, if you are intimidated by the idea, let our volunteer friends be an inspiration to you. Start small, make adjustments, and keep moving for the Lord.

Thank you for joining us today. May God guide you as you seek ways to serve Him - together. Be blessed!

Proverbs 16:5 Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the Lord; be assured, he will not go unpunished.

How often do we as parents cite these verses and the others like these to our kids or ourselves?

Nope, this five-minute family devotional is not about pride, vanity, and arrogance. It is about the misinterpretation of those verses by some folks who are too hard on themselves and thus don’t live the abundant life that God intends for His people, despite our living in a sinful and fallen world.

What are the greatest commandments?

Matthew 22:37-40 answers this question: “He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

If all the law and the prophets depend on these two commands, we better get them right. And, that second command contains two words we often forget, especially in light of those pride, haughtiness, be humble verses… “As yourself”

Often, upon the first formal reading the “as yourself” is included. Yet, as it gets repeated during a lesson or discussion, we often stop with just “love your neighbor.” We make pallet signs, put it on billboards, tell others when they wrong us “hey, aren’t you supposed to love your neighbor” … Love your neighbor.

As yourself.

Reality is… you ARE supposed to love yourself.

If we properly follow the first great commandment: “love the lord with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind,” then you cannot despise his creation… you.

I have walked through much of my life despising myself… I talk too much, I don’t know how to end a conversation, I procrastinate, I am impatient, I could go on, but I won’t.

While I don’t have such self-doubt and other self-criticism issues like Kim, I have had times of being disheartened.

Let’s talk about how God sees us…. God says that when he created humans, it was VERY GOOD INDEED (Genesis 1:31). God says, we are each uniquely and WONDEFULLY made (Psalm 139:14). God says I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). God says I am alive in Him (Ephesians 2:4–5). God says I am a saint (Romans 1:7).

If you struggle with seeing yourself as God sees you, or someone in your family struggles with that, the world has lots of self-help ideas out there. Here is one such list:

• Do away with the self-criticism.

• Take care of your body.

• Counter your fear.

• Forgive yourself.

• Surround yourself with positive people.

• Indulge in activities that spark joy.

• Stand up for yourself.

Notice that each of those seven items have elements of God’s truth but when you read them in full, they have been twisted just enough to remove God from the center. In fact, YOU and you alone have to muster enough motivation and discipline WITHIN yourself to achieve self-love from a worldly view.

But, God! When we love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds, He makes it possible for us to love ourselves as He loves us.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. That includes self-talk.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Now, if all the law and prophets depend on these two commandments, I suggest we begin as God suggests… with loving Him and learning reverently all we can about Him from His word, which will in turn help us realize the love He has for us and the love we should have for ourselves SO THAT we can love our neighbors, deeply, abidingly, and as God would call us to.

Thank you for joining us today. Love God, love others, and love yourself. Be blessed!

Dealing with chronic medical issues that sway our daily lives means learning to manage our relationships as much (if not more than) we manage the illness itself. The chronic sufferer needs compassion, kindness, and gentleness, but the family, too, needs to learn how to do that AND how to remind their loved one that he or she is NOT a problem - that they are loved - uniquely, and that we all have to figure out how to deal with the fallenness of this world and its influence on our bodies.

The chronic sufferer may feel like David in Psalm 22:1: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” Some days may be full of groaning. Be careful, loving family member, not to let them fall into a trap of complaining but also understand that their sharing their daily burden and pains may not be coming from a spirit of complaining. Lots of prayer and patience is needed here.

For those of you who may not know, we have three children who suffer from chronic illnesses. The burden that falls on the rest of the family to pick up the household chores’ slack, to adjust in a moment’s notice, and more, can seem overwhelming at first. We had always tried to practice honest and open communication in our home, but that became even more vitally important as we had to figure out how to reallocate time, money, and efforts into our children’s medical needs. God has been infinitely merciful, bringing relief at various times, and we also have those gut-wrenching moments such as our oldest literally crying out in pain as his treatment is denied by insurance or realizing that I made a $6500 mistake in choosing which hospital to go to. Jim works a full-time job outside the ministry here at Clear View Retreat in order to carry high-quality insurance for our children and to make sure they get the care they need.

So, what can YOU do in your family to help everyone deal with a chronic illness? And, please, realize that we didn’t just gather a list off the internet, we have lived this, so learn from the things we got right and the things we got wrong.

First, watch your words. This can come in many forms. Make sure with little ones that you don’t lie and you don’t make false promises such as “it’ll be alright.” It might not all be alright. Also, to the chronically child or adult in the household, watch how you word things when you are having to adjust the family’s schedule, budget, or something else. He or she may need your reassurance that the adjustment is not a burden - that THEY are not a burden. And, honestly, if you think of your chronically ill loved one as a burden, then you need to do a deep dive study on God’s word about one-anothering.

Second, enjoy the good days. There will be good days. They might not look as good as they did before the illness hit, but there will be good days. Learn to identify them and appreciate them.

Third, learn to diligently (though not obsessively) check your schedule. Whoever the scheduler in the family is… you gotta be flexible. By knowing the needs of each family member, you can more readily adapt when the chronic sufferer is having a really bad day. Basically, always have a plan b.

Fourth, and we cannot stress this enough. Get counseling - not just for sick family member, but for everyone as needed. There will be grief and loss to deal with. There will be changes. There will be instability, and having a proactive pastoring, mentoring, or counseling plan will help tremendously.

And, finally, remember to get into biblical community in any way you can. If you can’t go to the church, message the pastor. See if there is any home visit options. Be honest about your family’s needs and limitations, and be prepared to engage in the community in some way - pray, knitting from home, posting on social media, making food, you get the idea.

Never forget that while it is true that our sufferings become our credentials, we must remember that we will each reach a state of maturity and ability to share and give hope to others in our own time. Love one another. Bear with one another. Take care of one another. Be blessed!

The world will tell us that “Love is love.” In Tina Turner’s song “What’s love got to do with it?” there is a line, “What's love, but a second-hand emotion?” The world will tell us that we can easily fall into and out of love - that love is just a feeling. And, as ‘just a feeling’ it can be fleeting or it can last a lifetime, but either way, we don’t really have any control over it.

First, we must realize that love has numerous definitions, and as a communications person, defining my terms has long been a habit of mine. If we are defining the same word different ways and thus applying it in different ways, then miscommunication, confusion, and even falsehoods arise. The “love is love” statement is problematic for many reasons, but despite its common usage and application in society today, its circular reasoning doesn’t even begin to address the myriad meanings at play in the three simple words.

In Galatians 5 and in all of the verses we site today, love is defined as the Greek word “agape” or a part of speech derived from agape. Since love is used differently in Scripture, we made sure to restrict our conversation to this single definition in order to be clear about what God is, what He gives us through Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and how we can reflect love to others.

Let’s define agape. Britannica.com states that agape in the New Testament is “the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. In Scripture, the transcendent agape love is the highest form of love and is contrasted with eros… and philia… The term necessarily extends to the love of one’s fellow humans, as the reciprocal love between God and humans is made manifest in one’s unselfish love of others.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-6 tells us that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

Let’s break down those verses. We know that patience and kindness are attributes of the Holy Spirit.

Love does not envy or boast - 1 Corinthians 13:1 cautions us that even if we speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, we are but a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Love is not arrogant or rude - Ephesians 4:2 prompts us to couple love with all humility, gentleness, and patience in order to bear with one another in love.

Love does not insist on its own way - John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”

Love is not irritable or resentful - Luke 6:35 tells us to “love our enemies.”

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing - 1 Peter 4:8 reminds us that “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”

Is your family behaving lovingly as we are told in 1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done in love.”

Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages helps families apply the concept of agape love to practical behaviors. Families need to regularly engage in

Speaking words of affirmation to one another,

Performing acts of service for one another,

Giving and receiving gifts with one another,

Spending quality time with one another, and

Appropriately touching one another with hugs, back rubs, hand holding, and more.

One of the websites I found talking about examples of the love languages Dr. Chapman discerned from biblical passages had the game “Love language bingo.” If your family needs to cultivate the attribute of love, try doing it in a fun and competitive way such as a game like love language bingo. No matter what area your family may need to work on, remember the Holy Spirit is indwelling us, waiting to guide us into deeper relationship with the Lord and one another.

Ask God to give you clarity on which fruit of the spirit your family may need to cultivate, and then let us know how it is going by emailing us or commenting on our Facebook page for Clear View Retreat. May God bless you and your family as you seek Him. And, as you love God and love your families. Be blessed!

John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Now, a discussion about the biblical difference between happiness and joy might be coming after this series, but for now, we will stick specifically with discussing how a five-minute family can enhance the joy of their home.

As an attribute of the Holy Spirit, joy is more than just an emotional response to a situation. Just as peace and goodness are not to be simply responses to our circumstances, neither is joy. Joy is a choice we make, no matter what is going on.

So, five-minute families, to allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate joy in our homes, we need to…

First, accept the difficulties along with the good times. James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” He does not say to walk around and always feel joyful. He specifically says to “count it” as joy. The ‘it’ being life’s circumstances. We must intentionally pause, recognize the frustration or trial, but then choose to see what God may be doing in the midst of this difficult time.

Second, we must seek His direction in decisions. Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” When we stop simply plowing ahead without thought to consequences or outcomes and instead rely on the Lord for his direction, we can be more joyful because we know we are following Him.

Third, as a family, ask God to satisfy your family’s physical, financial, and other needs… in His will, of course. John says in chapter 16, verse 24, “Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.” When we trust our needs and desires to God, our joy will overflow as we see the greatness of His answers - even the ‘no’ answers.

Fourth, express your joy around others. It can be hard when those around you are down, and we not encouraging you to be fake or to appear joyful for the purpose of altering another family member’s behavior, but just as Proverbs 17:22 states, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones,” your expression of joy - even if it needs to be subtle for moment - can make a fundamental difference in someone else’s life.

And, fifth, remember that eternity holds joy. John 16:22 reminds us, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” This sinful, fallen world sometimes falls on us. It is ok to acknowledge that and, especially in the tough moments, remember that we have an eternity of God’s great goodness to look forward to and rejoice in. My joy comes in the morning.

Joy can be a tricky attribute if we think of it as having to walk around with a smile on our face all the time. Kinda like the “do all things without murmuring or complaining” verse, folks think that sharing their difficulties somehow makes them a complainer. That is not true. Yes, we can certainly make sharing some of our struggles a big, ol’ complaint fest, but it doesn’t have to be. In the same way, the joy of the Lord is no less joy when we admit that things aren’t going so well and we are having a tough time. We can still be joyful in the life we live, in the opportunities for sharing about God and His goodness and His joy in midst of all the good, bad, and ugly stuff we experience.

We are so glad when you join us. Please send us a message on our facebook page, or through email at cvr@clearviewretreat.org to let us know what you would like to discuss after we wrap up our Fruit of the Spirit devotional series next week.

I woke up the other morning stressed… stressed about important things I have left undone in my family. And, this state of undone made me feel I had let them down. Then, I had to realize that no matter what I have gotten wrong, God has a great plan for me and for all of my family members, even the ones I let down. Knowing that God has a plan, and He will use ALL things - done and undone - for His glory and my good, I felt the peace of His truth and of His strength wash over me.

Oxford Languages online dictionary defines peace as ‘freedom from disturbance; tranquility.’ This refers to mental calm and serenity as well. The King James Version of the Bible uses the word ‘peace’ 400 times while others translations use it 200-300 times along with many of its synonyms which make more sense for our modern English understanding - synonyms such as silence, quiet, rest, still, satisfy, ease, and fellowship. Biblically, Strong’s Concordance G1515 defines peace to mean “one, peace, quietness, rest” and the Strong’s definition we found the most interesting “set as one again.”

As I reflect back on the Fruit of the Spirit songs from my childhood that I mentioned a few devotionals ago, I thought about the “Peace” song. The verses refer to mom and dad and knowing that they are there for the child singing. The child feels safe. Peace brings us a sense of safety when we are set as one again. The family is together and working toward a greater purpose and goal.

Luke 2:14 … when Christ had been born, and the angel and multitude of heavenly host spoke to the shepherds saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.” Peace… the prince of peace had been born. Sent to set us as one with the God of the universe. And, once he had fulfilled His earthly tasks, He ascended and sent us the Holy Spirit. The one who continues to bring peace.

Remember, the fruit of the Spirit are INTERpersonal. Interpersonal is an adjective “involving relationships between people.” We have peace with God, and we can have peace with others. With God, we must learn to rest in His peace, but with others, we have skills and practices we must learn. Hebrews 12:14 reminds us, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”

As with all the fruit of the Spirit, we must first realize God’s sovereignty and His example of the attribute we are talking about. The Bible calls God the ‘God of Peace’ for a reason. Thus, to develop peace in our homes we need to work in partnership with the Holy Spirit and:

Focus on the important needs. Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Examine what parts of the world we’re letting dominate our thoughts. Are you overcommitted? Are you worried about what might happen? John 14:27 Peace I leave you, my peace I give you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, nor fearful.

Embrace the tough conversations. Often times, we let the tough conversations go unspoken because we don’t know how they will go. Yet, when we harbor resentment or frustrations that need to be discussed and worked through, we are robbing ourselves and others of the peace that is possible in our relationship.

Have boundaries for everyone in the home - adults and children alike. Romans 14:17 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” When we allow our time to be overran with our daily desires and miss seeking His kingdom, we lose peace.

Practice grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Remember Psalm 34:14 tells us to “turn away from evil and do good; to seek peace and pursue it.” We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. By practicing grace, mercy, and forgiveness, we train our children to see that there are opportunities to turn away from evil and that in seeking peace, we establish stronger, closer relationships with one another.

May the peace of our Lord bring you together as a family and to Himself as we are set as one again with Him. Our connection with our Creator and Savior brings the ultimate peace. Be blessed.

I am not a patient person in my fleshly nature. Jim is patient, however. Thankfully. I have long struggled with figuring out the ‘why’ of my impatience. If we better understand the types of patience, we can understand the why of impatience. Psychologist Sarah Schnitker has discovered three main types of patience: interpersonal patience, patience in life’s hardships, and patience for daily hassles. And, wouldn’t ya know, God already knew that, and His word addresses all three.

Well, I’m not really that patient…

For interpersonal patience, which is our patience with people around us, especially ones we have a relationship with, God gives us Ephesians 4:2, “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bear with one another in love.”

For patience in life’s hardship moments (or seasons), we need long-term patience, typified by perseverance. Here we have Romans 12:12. “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

And, for patience in daily life’s minor annoyances, we need the ability to be calm. Proverbs 16:32 states, “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city.” The CSB explains the concept of the verse this way, “Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s emotions, than capturing a city.”

Stress, fears, worries, and frustrations all seep in to our behavior with our loved ones, but HOW we handle those catalysts is what makes a difference between walking in our flesh or walking in the Spirit. Our salvation - our justification - is work solely done by God, but our earthly progression in growing more like Him is our work to do - our sanctification. Patience is part of that. We have the Holy Spirit, which means patience is possible, but we must practice the SKILL of patience, especially those of us who are not naturally gifted in the area of patience.

So, five-minute families let’s focus intentionally on these five areas to practice the skill aspect of patience:

First, be mindfully aware of impatient moments. What emotions are rising to the surface? What timeline is being impacted that creates the most impatient moments? Is someone sick, frustrated, or unheard?

Second, remind yourself that you or your loved one may be experiencing a sense of lack of control. What can you control right now? The one answer that will come into every situation is yourself. Only you can control yourself right now.

So, third, engage in some specific behaviors to get your emotions of impatience under control by counting your breaths, or scrunching up and then releasing your shoulders. Slow down your physical behavior to get better awareness and control of your impatience.

Fourth, put yourself and family in uncomfortable, patience-required situations. Not all at once, of course. But, choose to practice waiting for longer and longer periods of time in order to increase each family member’s ability to be patient.

And, fifth, stop multitasking as a family. Despite the constant multitasker’s viewpoint that they get more done that way, studies prove that multitasking is not as productive as they think. But, if a multitasker expects everyone to keep up with their speed, it will simply lead to more impatience. For patience practice, choose some singularly focused activities such as reading or sports that require waiting during the sport itself, sport like fishing, golf, and baseball.

And, here’s a bonus…. practice better communication skills. This helps improve patience because a person who is communicating better feels their needs and wishes are being heard and thus they don’t need to respond in impatient ways to feel more connected and seen?

Patience makes you a better friend to family, friends, coworkers, and your biblical community. Patience ALSO makes you a better friend to yourself by achieving some of those long-term goals you have… such as for a five-minute family to raise good, godly children who love and serve the Lord.

May God guide you this week as you practice the skills of patience, pouring into your family God’s amazing goodness. Be blessed!

We’ve been diving into the fruit of the spirit, in reverse order from the list in Galatians 5, and we are today touching on kindness. Last week we defined goodness as ‘the actions which are taken to improve the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’ Goodness involves a level of righteousness and right-ness in our choices and behaviors. For example, if we have a loved one to whom we must speak the truth in love - which may seem unkind - it is still good to give them the truth and possibly hold them accountable for their actions.

One author points out how both goodness and kindness come from compassionate hearts, yet while goodness is an action of righteousness that involves integrity and honesty, kindness can best be defined as ‘our true, internal desire for the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’ Some of us will do good, but we are not kind. That is not to say that as Christ-followers we do not have the capacity for kindness. It just means that we have not allowed the Holy Spirit to cultivate the attribute of kindness within us.

Of course, some people are simply kind. You meet them and you can sense kindness from them. You feel safe to ask for help; you feel genuinely comfortable in their presence. My favorite book is Pride and Prejudice. The eldest daughter is Jane. Her sister Elizabeth says to her, “You never see a fault in anybody. All the world are good and agreeable in your eyes. I never heard you speak ill of a human being in your life." And Jane replies, “I would not wish to be hasty in [criticizing] anyone; but I always speak what I think." Part of Elizabeth’s answer concludes, “I know you do…[the ability] to take the good of everybody's character and make it still better, and say nothing of the bad—belongs to you alone.” Obviously, a fictionalized account, but a perfect illustration of genuine, heartfelt kindness. I often choose goodness but kindness is a bit harder for me to exemplify because I don’t always have the kindest of thoughts about others. Anyone else out there feel the same???

The thing about kindness is that biblically, it is often coupled with mercy and humility such as in Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” So, how do we five-minute families adopt an attitude of kindness? Believe it or not, we have to first believe that we can be kind, even if we haven’t been historically. We must realize that we need to think in terms of kindness - such as 1 Corinthians 13:4 “Love is patient; love is kind.” God is love, and God lives within us; thus we can be kind and we can think in terms of kindness. And, finally, we must practice kindness in our actions. Here are five steps to take to cultivate the attribute of kindness:

Step one. Smile! Check your tone, attitude, and posture. Smile with the corner of your lips and your whole body. Remember Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” A smile can truly change the life of someone you share it with, just google that if you don’t believe me.

Step two. Put others first. Let someone cut line. Offer for other folks to go before you in traffic. Do the dishes without being asked. As Philippians 2:3 states, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”

Step three. Say thank you more. Are you grateful for your salvation? Then, know that others need to see your gratitude. That means, when you have a chance to share your gratitude, even in the smallest transactional ‘thank yous’ of life, you should. Hebrews 12:28 “Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe.”

Step four. Listen to others’ stories. Seek first to understand, not to be understood. James 1:19 “My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak”

And, last step for today. Volunteer. Acts 20:35 sums it up best, “In every way I’ve shown you that it is necessary to help the weak by laboring like this and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, because he said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Be kind today. And, be blessed!

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

This week is goodness. Goodness is defined in most dictionaries as ‘the quality of being morally good or virtuous.’ Because of the sometimes interchanging of words of kindness, goodness, compassion, and more, we need to define goodness in order to be able to distinguish it. God’s word uses it with righteous, kindness, truth, and more, but there is an inherent distinction. So, for our purposes, we will define goodness as ‘the actions which are taken to improve the health, happiness, or well-being of others.’

Let’s pause there a moment and think of God’s goodness. At our Father’s Day service, a couple sang the song “Goodness of God.” God’s goodness is summarized in that song with two ACTIONS… He leads us through the fire and He runs after us. These are actions, folks. Just as in John 3:16 “For God loved - AN ACTION WORD, by the way - For God so loved the world that He gave - another action - GAVE his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

Psalm 119:68 says it straight out, “You ARE good and DO good; teach me your statutes.”

We are to learn his statutes, so, let’s discuss what we consider the five ACTIONS of goodness every five-minute family should engage in to exhibit the fruit of the spirit attribute of goodness.

First, we must realize that we HAVE good. Having good - We have God’s spirit of goodness indwelling us. Psalm 34:8, says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!” and Nahum 1:7, says, “The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him. We must study God’s word to better exhibit the attribute of goodness.” We must actively study God’s word to know that we have his goodness in us.

Next, we are to BE good. Being good in this instance is to believe the TRUTH of God’s goodness and our ability to be good, too. Remember here Ephesians 2:10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”

If we HAVE good and are BEING good, then now, we must have an action of goodness that moves outward. DO good. Doing good - the actual act of good works. Hebrews 13:16 charges us, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” And Matthew 5:16 likewise says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Another OUTWARD action we must take is to SEE good. Seeing good - actively looking for the good in others. Genesis 1:27 demonstrates that we must always keep in mind that others are created in the image of God. “So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female.” Thus, we must SEE God - and God’s goodness in others. Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.”

And, last for today, though certainly not least is that we are to SPEAK good, and no, we are not saying ‘speak well.’ Speaking good is to make sure we keep cruel - or even sometimes teasing - words out of our mouths and speak good words that are intentional to build up and encourage good acts within the other person as well. As Colossians 4:6 reminds us, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” And Ephesians 4:29 reiterates, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Demonstration of the fruit of the Spirit is possible for all believers. You may have made numerous, embarrassing, felonious mistakes in your past, BUT GOD now indwells within you, and you are ABLE. You have God’s GOODNESS, and his goodness takes action.

Take action today to remember that you have good, are good, should do good, should see good, and can speak good to each person who crosses your path today, starting with your family!

Be blessed!

Faithfulness is almost a dirty word in the world today. We are bombarded with stories, images, videos, and sayings that tell us that being faithful is overrated, unnecessary, and possibly even detrimental. But, it isn’t. Faithfulness is the culmination of trust, commitment, and dependability.

Let’s clarify something about faithfulness… God is faithful. Always and forever.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,

2 Thessalonians 3:3 But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.

1 Corinthians 1:9 God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

And, as Christ-followers, we are to be faithful to God.

Matthew 25:21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You were faithful over a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Share your master’s joy.’

Luke 16:10 He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much

2 Corinthians 5:7 For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Proverbs 28:20 A faithful man will abound with blessings, but whoever hastens to be rich will not go unpunished.

Deuteronomy 28:1-2 Now if you faithfully obey the Lord your God and are careful to follow all his commands I am giving you today, the Lord your God will put you far above all the nations of the earth. All these blessings will come and overtake you, because you obey the Lord your God (which is then followed by a list of specific blessings)

Alright, so, God is faithful, and we are to be faithful to God, but what about the faithfulness referenced in Galatians 5?

If we have the Holy Spirit indwelling us, just as with all of the attributes of the fruit of the spirit, we have the ability to be faithful in our earthly relationships as well. Galatians 5 verses 13 and 14 give us the biggest context clues about whether the fruit of the Spirit of faithfulness is strictly in our relationship with God or if it is in the context of relationships with others… the phrases ‘serve one another through love’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ demonstrate that the faithfulness attribute of the fruit of the spirit is still in the context of our interactions with people … how do we glorify God through our faithfulness to others?

Faithfulness in marriage for example is a covenant - a covenant of purity in the area of physical intimacy but also a covenant in the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional intimacies as well. Faithfulness is being trustworthy and loyal, being committed no matter what triumphs or trials come your way. Faithfulness in family relationships and friendships involves the same but in varying areas and degrees. Ultimately, faithfulness is one anothering.

We are faithful when we serve one another.

We are faithful when we bear one another burdens.

We are faithful when we weep with one another.

We are faithful when we encourage one another.

We are faithful when we restore one another.

I loved this summary, “God’s faithfulness to us gives us the strength to be faithful people.”

When we lovingly give our time and attention to relationships in our lives, we are being faithful. And, five-minute families must make intentional choices to stay committed in the midst of the chaotic moments of everyday life. We must choose specific areas in which we are weak, and pray that God shows us practical behaviors to use to make a difference in one another’s lives.

As always, we must be in his word daily, which allows us to see - in story after story and verse after verse - God’s faithfulness. No, we can never be faithful like God is faithful, but with the power of His Holy Spirit, we can an excellent effort at it.

May God bless you and yours this week as you read His word, meditate on the fruit of his spirit, and love one another deeply for the glory of our Lord. Be blessed!

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well.” Galatians 5:22-25

Did you know that the original indications of the word ‘gentle’ came from the concept of being courteous or chivalrous? A quick definition in dictionaries of today will tell you that gentle means to be mild or moderate. But, let us point out that gentleness is NOT being a doormat or a pushover. It isn’t being gullible, soft, or weak. Gentleness isn’t shyness, either.

Gentleness is strength, actually - controlled strength: strength of character, strength of resolve, strength in God’s truth and righteousness, strength of the self-control the Holy Spirit is producing in you. Out-going, talkative people can be gentle; shy, quiet people can be gentle. Gentleness isn’t a personality trait; it is a fruit of the spirit. It is an attribute that ALL personality types can exhibit if they have the holy spirit living inside them.

Gentleness brings communication 1 Peter 3:15 “sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, but with gentleness and respect”

Gentleness brings consideration of all people - Titus 3:1-2 “Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to slander no one, not to be contentious, to be gentle, showing every consideration for all people.”

Gentleness brings correction - 2 Timothy 2:25 “Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed, to slander no one, not to be contentious, to be gentle, showing every consideration for all people.”

Gentleness brings restoration - Galatians 6:1 “Brothers and sisters, even if a person is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual are to restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you are not tempted as well.”

Gentleness brings unity - Ephesians 4:1-3 “walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

As someone once wrote, “A gentle person keeps lines of communication open; he is approachable, even to opponents or strangers.” Gentle people reach out to others in ways that make others want to reach out to them.

Livingbydesign.org states, “The word gentle takes another dimension when considered as a verb referring to a horse. A wild horse should be “gentled” by a trainer so it will become responsive to instructions. Only then can a horse’s strength be harnessed.”

We see from this use of the word gentle as a verb that it is an action we need to take in order to exhibit the attribute of gentleness. So, how does a five-minute family practice gentleness to further develop this attribute of the fruit of the Spirit?

Our family members must submit to Jesus.

We must be known as a family that forgives others.

We must listen more and speak less, if you have a talkative habit. Remember Proverbs 15: 1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

We must speak the truth in love… truly it is the “in love” that ultimately defines the gentleness, but note that if you are to follow God’s direction for restoration as outlined in Galatians 6, then you have to speak, even if you are more of a quiet person.

And, finally, we must avoid foolish arguments, gossip, and drama. This takes intentionality and practice. Deep breathes, new routines, and communication skills practice may be needed.

It is through little interactions every day, at home, at the store, in school, and everywhere in between that we have the opportunity to exhibit gentleness.

We pray that God blesses your family this week as you practice being gentle with one another. God loves you. Walk in His mercy, grace, and forgiveness. Be blessed!

When I was a young girl, my mom had a traveling salesman who knocked on the door. He was selling a record with songs about the fruit of the spirit. My mother bought that record with the last $3 she had, and my sister and I sang those songs throughout our childhood. Then, when we became mamas, we began singing those songs to our children. More than 45 years later, the fruit of the spirit songs still ring in my mind - the one about self-control talks of kicking things when mad and eating too many sweets. Both of which families can relate to.

Proverbs 25:28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Titus 2:12 [God’s grace trains] us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,

Please note, parents, that each of these major points we will share next have to be broken down further for the kiddos. We will get the ball rolling here, but remember not to just state the point and expect your kids to fully grasp the concept.

Shift your perspective. We parents may need to shift how we see things such as doing the dishes or mowing the lawn. If we are always complaining about these necessary tasks, we are less likely to structure our time toward doing them and thus less likely to exercise self-control in order to get them done. If we rethink about the tasks about the joy of playing in the yard with neighbor friends or the fun of getting to bake cookies once the counters are clean, we can use shifting our perspective to gain better self-control of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Avoid temptations. When families are working through building self-control, we must look honestly at what tempts each of us. If your children fight every time your family goes on a long trip, then getting to the root of the temptation is necessary since avoiding the long trip may not be possible, but avoiding the arguments over which song, movie, or game gets played could be avoided by setting up a schedule or rotation long before the trip begins. In another example, if your family has a tendency to overeat at certain get-togethers, you may need to avoid buying too many desserts or snack foods to begin with.

Focus on one issue at a time. Just as 2 Peter 1:5-8 tells us, if we have gifts and they are increasing, then we are useful to the kingdom of God. We cannot, however, overwhelm the whole family by harping on every little issue of self-control. If your family is dealing with outbursts on school days, having meltdowns due to evening busy-ness, and ALSO constantly fighting before Sunday services, rethinking each of those issues all at once could cause burnout, especially on the parent’s side. But, if you choose one of those set of circumstances, evaluate what the push-button causes are, then you can give your energy in those moments, correcting your and your child’s self-control. Then, once that issue or moment is dealt with, then you can refocus to another.

Learn to delay gratification. Most of us must learn the skill and purpose of delayed gratification. By doing so, we see how self-control in the short term leads to good things in the long term. One way to do this is to set goals in saving and spending money through the use of chores. Parents, we have to do this as well in the family finances. Another way for a family to build self-control by managing delayed gratification is to let the kids learn from their mistakes. Do not create artificial consequences all the time nor save them from bad consequences all the time. Pray about the balance you need to find for each child you influence.

Finally, set good habits. Self-control is not about willpower. It is about drawing closer to God, listening to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and being disciplined to apply what we learn. Having good habits of Bible reading, using respectful tones when talking, and doing daily needs on a routine basis all help to ease the brain’s overload and give us space to breathe deeply and conquer some of the tougher stuff.

May God bless your family as you work on this aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Be blessed!

Much like the fruit of the Spirit. Listen to these verses from Galatians 5:

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. (1) … For we, through the Spirit, by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. (5) … For you were called to freedom, brothers and sisters; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (13-14) … But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (16) … But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well. (22-25)

Briefly, let us address that the nine attributes listed in verses 22 and 23 are referred to as the fruit, not fruits. We don’t want to delve too deeply into the controversies people will make, but we do need to point out that an apple tree does not produce oranges. And, since fruit refers to the product or result of something and the Holy Spirit is one “tree,” we are all capable of all nine attributes of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. So, whether you call the nine attributes fruit or fruits, remember that the Holy Spirit is where the growth comes from.

For example, we cannot excuse our personal habits or weaknesses by saying, “well, I am not a patient person.” With the Holy spirit, patience is not only possible, it is a product of when we are walking in the spirit as to our own flesh. And, yes, I am speaking to myself way more than to any of you on that one!

Yet, fruit does not just appear. It must go through all the stages of growth and growing seasons. Some seasons are short, some are long, there are droughts and rainfalls. If we hold tight to God’s truth that the Holy Spirit is inside of us and that when we stay planted in the fertile soil of His truth, then no matter what, we will show some level of growth.

Hebrews 6:1 “Therefore let us move beyond the elementary teachings about Christ and be taken forward to maturity.”

2 Peter 3:18 “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

Luke 17:5 “The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”

Colossians 1:10 “We pray that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.”

Psalm 92:12-14 “The righteous will flourish like a palm tree, they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon: planted in the house of the Lord, they will flourish in the courts of our God. They will still bear fruit in old age.”

As we were planning this series, I made a tree graphic. Interestingly, when Jim looked at it, he pointed out that the Holy Spirit is the tree. Then, from top to bottom, I listed the fruit. Yet, when you think of how the tree grows, the top is only possible with a strong base. The top brings the crowning beauty and shows the efforts that have been put into growth.

So, for our Fruit of the Spirit series, we are actually going to start with self-control.

Please join us next week as we take a deep dive into each attribute of the fruit of the spirit. We pray that God will bless you and your family as you choose to be intentional with your time, extending God’s grace, mercy and forgiveness at every opportunity. Be blessed!

The who to remember is clear - God. The what to remember is His word and truth - five of which we mentioned last week. The how to remember as a family we discussed two weeks ago and that devotional included some of the when and where as well. SO, what about the why… why remember?

First, let’s look at a quick definition of the word remember: “to bring an image or idea from the past into the mind.” Adults and children learn AND remember differently. Each person in the family may remember an event differently - depending on age, emotions, perspective and more. Families need to speak about the impact of family memories as well as individual memories of experienced family events. And, reality is that children will sometimes generate false memories in the learning process.

For example, when we first moved to a new state, our son had a difficult time making friends. He was in-between two age-group sets. That, combined with his very active imagination, made me think he was beginning to lie to people about his life in our previous home. Thankfully, however, I realized that his emotions and perception of events were causing him to mis-remember what had actually occurred. He wasn’t lying; he truly believed everything he was saying. This isn’t all that unusual actually. One article I read mentioned how one twin will often remember an event as happening to them instead of to their twin.

Memories are not a set of digital images able to replay accurately at any moment. Facts, imagined details, and interpretations will influence what a person remembers. So, what does remembering differently or inaccurately have to do with WHY we should remember things about God? Parents often do not realize that they themselves may be carrying around distorted memories of events, events that may have greatly impacted their view of God.

As a child, the churches my family attended always had tithes and offerings taken up immediately after Lord’s Supper. The only thing is… I was 18 before I realized that the offering was SEPARATE from the Lord’s Supper. Obviously, I should have, but because they were always tied together, and there was never anything said about the money part being separate, I never really thought about it. When I attended a church near my college, the deacon said, “While not a part of the Lord’s Supper, we have found this to be the best time in the order of service, so we will now take up any tithes and offerings.” This small memory and then the coupling with God’s truth changed greatly my perspective about how God felt about money. My brain had falsely tied monetary giving back to Jesus’s ultimate sacrifice on the cross. I know, odd, but a child’s mind does not process properly. Had I not had an event to help correct this false thinking, I am not sure what other false beliefs about God I might have held.

Children should not be left on their own to interpret and understand everything. If parents do not take time to discuss what their children think about a Bible story, what it means and more, then a child may misunderstand, and by trying to make sense of the story, they are left with false beliefs about God or even false memories about how open or closed communication was in their family home.

Throughout the Bible we read that God implored His people to: “Watch yourselves that you do not forget the covenant of the Lord” Deuteronomy 4:9.

“Remember the former things long past, For I am God and there is no other” Isaiah 46:9.

“Do this in remembrance of Me” 1 Corinthians 11:24.

“Remember the word that I said to you” John 15:20.

“Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, descendant of David, according to the gospel” 2 Timothy 2:8.

Remember, five minute families, an adult does not recall memories as a child does. While pattern-recognition process helps kids learn quickly as they grow and adults draw more on specific details to reconstruct a scene, we all still need to return to God’s word, remembering God. Parents and children need to remember together the truth of God’s word - to make sense of history, to better process present circumstances, and to gain knowledge for the future. The WHY of remembering is simple… it is necessary for an accurate knowledge of God, His kingdom, and our places in it. Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

The reason it is important to remember the truth about God and His word is because our human memories are fickle. Some people can remember every little detail of fun events but difficult events seem to never even be processed. For other people, the opposite is true; every negative event is catalogued but good ones seem to never have even happened. For folks who process and keep the happy memories, life can be fairly easy sailing, but for most of the rest of us who do process the negative times, remembering can be a double-edged sword.

Neuroscientists, psychiatrists, and psychologists are researching constantly how the brain stores memories and how those memories are retrieved. The general consensus right now is that traumatic memories are stored in the emotional brain centers composing the limbic system. Emotional triggers of sounds, sights, smells, and more can set off a cascade of difficult behaviors or coping mechanisms that are often not the best response - they are however the initial triggered response - what we call first thoughts (we have a different Five Minute Family podcast devoted to first thoughts if you are interested in more information).

Many experts suggest that someone working through anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other issues like those work instead to take back conscience responsiveness through controlled breathing, placing your hand on a painful area of the body, locking your eyes on an object and thinking about five specific ideas about the object itself, and more. Let’s never forget Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” We, as Christ-followers, need to process our first thoughts through God’s truth as we remember, and then deliver them rightly as God thoughtss.

For further healing after a traumatic event, experts suggest that a person go back into a time of memories when they felt right with the world. But, what do we do when the memories that come up are hurtful, harmful, or discouraging? What about those children whose first memories of life are frightening, abusive, or traumatic in any way?

Psalm 73:26 reminds us, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

BUT GOD… the two best words to remember!

No matter how bad your own memories may be, no matter what sins you have struggled with, God is here, and He wants us to remember HIS GOODNESS above all else. God’s word is full of numerous truths and details, stories and values. So, let’s explore the first five principles we feel a God-honoring family might focus on remembering.

Remember His love. Jesus said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Upon these two commandments hang the whole Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40

Remember His deliverance. “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Psalm 34:17

Remember his grace. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Remember His mercy. “Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36

Remember His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

We should never let our earthly memory storage capacity be our defining remembrance ability. No matter what our limited capabilities here - whether it be a traumatic experience blocking our memories or our own way of memorizing or something else entirely, we can make God preeminent in our lives. God’s word is written down for us and the Holy Spirit works to speak to our hearts. 1 Corinthians 11:2 tells us that God will commend us “because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions even as I delivered them to you.” It is our purpose in God that makes sense out of the bad memories and helps us to better define the things truly worth remembering in.

Be blessed!

Jim brought up the concept of remembering at dinner the other evening. Sometimes, it can be difficult to recall some of the good things God can and is doing. And, well, our kids hate to give a wrong answer. They did not jump on the questions as easily as he expected. We have had formal family discussion times before, but being somewhat unsure of Jim’s main point, their short answers probably should have been anticipated.

Deuteronomy 6 is a recounting of Moses’s teaching the Israelites, and we see in verses 6 and 7, “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

The key point is that we are not supposed to simply take God’s words and directions and keep them to ourselves. Take them to heart and repeat them. And, not just once, but throughout the day. This passage is not directing us to put together a PowerPoint presentation about God and lecture them into the hearts of our children.

What I began thinking about in our dinner conversation is what things do we do as a family that reflects God’s goodness and is shown by the goodness of our family within the family and towards others. I will say that sarcasm and humor are on that list. I did not give my children a formal class on how to add humor to daily situations, but I can see that the kids sure did pick up what I was communicating.

We are proud to see, though, that kindness and respect is on that family list of traits that reflect God’s goodness. One of our son’s is very shy and would rather not interact with many outside our immediate family, but he does show kindness and respect towards others despite his discomfort. Our commitment to love God and love people, although not formally taught, has been grasped. Remembering what is taught about loving God and others is heartwarming for any parent and brings God glory and honor.

So, how does a five-minute family take the concept of remembering into their homes?

1. Informal training like we talked about is a good step and follows good biblical advice. As a parent, though, I need to realize and be aware of opportunities to pass along what to remember and that has to be intentionally planned. Now, that almost sounds formal, but you can take a topic - say God’s creation - and plan to slip it into your conversations. Next day, think about another topic.

2. Family remembrance time. Finding time when everyone is together can be difficult in this modern world but make a plan and stick to it. Share some times when God has been gracious to you and your family. Look back at old family albums and share the legacy of family. Talk about the struggles you have had and how God is merciful and faithful to His promises.

3. Sharing your testimony. Of course this has to be age appropriate, but don’t lie or cover up when questions are asked. This can be difficult. Prepare and pray before having this conversation with your family. The emphasis should be on the goodness of God, your faith and belief and how He has transformed your heart and life.

4. Scripture memorization. There is nothing better than remembering the Word of God. “For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” John 3:16. That right there is a great start!

5. Create some resolutions together and discuss them at planned times. What is important to you and your family? It would not hurt to even write these down. A resolution can look like this: We resolve in our family to love others as we love ourselves. In loving others, we will be kind regardless of race, age, looks or demeanor. We will recognize that we are all created in the image of God and have all fallen short of His glory.

Those are five ideas you can share with your family and begin the journey of remembering your family story and how God’s fingerprints are visible when you chose to look for them. The word remembering is used over 150 times in the Bible. It is a great word to incorporate into your family tapestry. We pray that God would give you wisdom and remembrance as you lead your families. Be blessed.

As Christ-followers, worship is about sustaining our relationship with God - through songs, yes, but also through prayers, Bible study, tithing, giving, serving, and more. Most churches do, however, have a formal, congregational worship time in which we sing songs, lift our hands in praise, bow our heads in prayer, and sync our hearts to the God of the universe.

In each church we have been a part of through the years, there is always at least one person who worships with emotional and physical abandon. Now, obviously, there are always ones doing it for show, but the ones whose hearts are captured, who are turning their minds, bodies, and souls to focus on their Lord, those ones are difficult to look away from. Sometimes, they make us smile - not laughing at them but being enveloped in their joy. Sometimes, they make us cry - not in sadness but in the raw response of clear emotions and thoughts that flow from them.

So, let me ask you, during that formal worship section of the church service, are you actually worshipping or are you worrying?

Worrying about who sees you check your phone messages during the service

Worrying about whether your makeup and hair are in style enough

Worrying about who can tell what sin you committed last night

Worrying about whether the sermon will get done in time so that you can get x, y, or z accomplished today

Worrying about how your child’s behavior may embarrass you

What do we as five-minute parents need to demonstrate for our children so that these worries do not supersede the heart of our family or congregational worship times?

We need to demonstrate that there are different types of worship and our hearts must be in tune with the Lord to truly understand His purpose.

First, there is the physical worship of the Lord. No, you do not have to go to the altar and kneel every time you are praying, but you do need to physically worship the Lord in bowing and kneeling and standing, depending on the occasion, place, and time. Take for example Psalm 95:6 “let us worship and bow down” and Job 1 when Job “fell on the ground and worshipped.”

Next, the Bible specifically mentions spiritual worship in some translations of Romans 12:1. When that verse and others such as Psalm 29:2 reference worship, it is referring more to the spirit and soul as opposed to the physical aspect of worship. This does not mean that we just feel moved, although we may. Spiritual worship is more than our emotions; it is a state of being. Do we have a mindfulness of God’s splendor as we worship Him?

As we worship the Lord, we serve Him. As we are fervent in the spirit, we must choose to serve Him. As Luke 4:8 points out, “You shall worship the Lord your God, and him only shall you serve.”

Then, as we give thanks in our worship, we are to make his deeds known to others. Evangelical worship is a foundational part of worshipping God. Meditate on Psalm 105:1 and Psalm 108:3 to think about the testimonial aspect of worshipping of our Lord.

And, lastly, we must always remember to learn more about God’s word as an act of worship. Learning and studying God’s Word is a fundamental type of worship as Psalm 119:7 demonstrates, “I will praise you with an upright heart, when I learn your righteous rules.”

The next time you are in a congregational worship experience, pause. Breath in. Breath out. And, ask God to fill you with His heart of worship. Likewise, start looking for opportunities to pause in everyday tasks and see how you can worship God in that exact moment. Worship is intentional intimacy with our Lord.

Thank you for joining us today. We are Jim and Kim Nestle of Clear View Retreat, and we would love to host a family camp or marriage retreat for your family and group. Keep in mind that if you or your church leadership would like to learn more about us before coming out, we are happy to come visit with you and share more about what a typical retreat might look like for your church families. Be blessed!

Let’s talk about peace or war in the family unit. A friend shared that after a recent argument with her husband, she felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to apologize; even though she really didn’t see what she had done wrong. She obeyed the prompting anyway. After she approached her husband and apologized, he immediately responded that she had done nothing wrong, the fault was his and that while he appreciated her heart in the matter, as soon as she apologized, he was convicted of her actual innocence in the argument.

Please note, she was not trying to manipulate her husband into accepting his guilt. She was obeying the Lord. She felt that if the Lord was telling her to say ‘I’m sorry’ that He would also reveal what part she had handled poorly. God had a different plan for her obedience. Her obedience brought reconciliation and peace back into their home. How do you approach your family members - with a peace mindset or a war mindset?

Let me give you another quick example. As I have mentioned before, one of our son and I butted heads often in his teen years. After so many miscommunications, disrespectful moments, and teen defiance, I began to enter every situation with him with a war mindset. That certainly seemed his mindset, and unfortunately, I met that mindset step for step. It was a recipe for further conflict and hurt. When I stopped taking his behavior personally, trusting God to work in his life while I obeyed the Lord in my parenting, the war began to die away. He still saw me as the enemy for a time, but with a mindset of peace, I could better see him from the Lord’s perspective and not my own hurts.

Note that peace can have different meanings in different contexts. As our pastor put it, peace can simply mean that we are not currently fighting OR a broken relationship has been restored.

So in Matthew 5:9 when God says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” which peace did he mean? Well, the term ‘peacemaker’ is used only once in the New Testament but the root of the word ‘peace’ is used 92 times in 86 verses. That root refers to the peace of joining - of setting together as one, again.

How can a five-minute family have a mindset of peace?

The best option to bring about peace is to prevent war in the first place. As a family, you need a plan for peace. That plan needs to include an attitude of gratitude, kindness, patience, courtesy, and humility. By choosing to invest everyone’s time and efforts on the fruit of the spirit, you can stay better united - more peaceful in the first place.

Annnnd, how do we have a mindset of peace in the midst of division?

Ask God to reveal to you the other family member’s hurt. Open yourself up to see your loved one as God sees them and that includes the hurt that YOU have inflicted on them.

Verbally remind your loved one, especially children, that you are on their side, that you want the best for them. Admit when you don’t know what the best should be yet or when you let your own pride or desires get in the way, but choose to have your loved one’s best interest in mind.

Sometimes, there are situations that we intentionally avoid because though they are in need of resolution, if our mindset is still one of war instead of peace, we must keep coming back to time of praying until the Lord tells us when to enter into a discussion that will lead to peace, not more hurt and war.

Remember, seek out your pastor, mentor, or counselor if you and your family are carrying around hurts that do not seem to be healing, or you have had a traumatic situation that could feed an environment full of hurt.

God wants unity, peace, and love to reign in our lives, and our peace mindset will make that more and more possible for our loved ones.

Have a great week and be blessed!

Let’s explore five examples, though I am sure there are many more.

For family time, use online games to get everyone doing the same thing, even with a cell phone, computer, or tablet in their hands. We went to dinner at a friend’s house, and we were surprised when our hosts suggested we all gather around the television to play a game. We all took out our devices, turned on wifi, logged onto a specific webpage with a code that showed on the television, and began to play TOGETHER - young and old, smart and, well, maybe-not-as-informed. There were a variety of games, and we all had strengths and weaknesses that made us laugh. It was friendly competition that allowed us all to participate.

To deepen family relationships, we need time together. Yet, we live in a world where work and hobbies will take us around the world from our loved ones. We can use technology to our advantage. I missed an opportunity to stay in better contact with a friend when we moved years ago. She wanted to video chat, but I felt uncomfortable with both the technology and my own appearance. We are still friends, but I miss seeing her more. With two adult sons who do not live close by and one itty bitty grandchild, we decided that as awkward as it might be, we are going to use technology to deepen our relationships with one another. So, do those video chats even if your hair looks awful. It is the smiles, the laughs, the connection that matters; that is what we will each remember, not whether mama’s hair looked good that day.

To free up time as well as aid in visual noise reduction, use technology to reduce your mail time, organization time, and cleaning time. You will still need to go through your now online bank statements, or read your now online work journals, but digital options of those and many other items will allow you to better focus the time and efforts that the hard copy options required.

As we have mentioned before, one of our sons is a medical mystery. Even when he receives a diagnosis or a piece of the medical puzzle, the results are almost always atypical. This has made daily living a challenge for him. By employing digital options, it has become much easier to journal all the various parts of his day that need evaluation. The digital journal not only helps take the guesswork out of related events, but it also allows for a much more easily searched database. We still have some work to do to fully employ digital use for his medical journey, but the steps we HAVE taken have allowed more consistency and peace in a discomforting and difficult time.

And, last, never forget that technology gives us the option of learning together, whether looking at the same educational video cuddled on the couch together, or by looking at the same video and messaging one another from across the globe. Be intentional with your technology and time together. Also, discuss what you just watched. We love movies and good stories, and seeing deeper lessons in the simplest of stories will take those stories from entertainment to education. Just do not turn that opportunity to lectures.

1 Corinthians 6:12 reminds us, “‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything.” Don’t let your family life be dominated by technology, but use it to your advantage. Just as 1 Corinthians 10:31 states, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

That’s why this Five Minute Family devotion and podcast exist. We know that all of our listeners cannot come to Clear View Retreat for a family camp or marriage retreat, but every family can learn and grow and glorify the Lord TOGETHER.

Speaking of learning together, although we were just talking about using technology as a way to connect with each other, we must remind you of the importance of time away from technology and engaging in some old school analog time - one-on-one time growing your marriage or bringing the whole family out to connect deeply with God and one another.

Clear View Retreat provides that opportunity. With a mix of structured learning time, family object lessons, and relaxation time away from the craziness of daily stresses, you will have plenty of occasion to refresh your mind and allow God’s transformation to surprise you and your loved ones. We welcome your visit and look forward to seeing what God has for you and your family. Be blessed!

On Friday, I was at a women’s conference, and one of the other exhibitors was Josh MacLeod of Instruments of Joy. As he and my mother discussed theological issues, he shared the analogy of the acorn. An acorn planted does not grow immediately. It can take up to three years of all the right environmental components for the acorn to turn into a maturing tree, yet that tree will not produce more acorns until it is approximately 20 years old. Those early years are vital to get the seed to sprout, the sprout to root, and the root to establish well into the ground water. Yet, we do not want the roots to stay at the surface. The roots must grow down deep to reach into the water table, to establish strength for the storms that the exposed parts of the tree WILL experience.

Jeremiah 17:8 He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.

Psalm 1:3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.

The acorn analogy and previous verses remind us of the concept we heard of years ago called greenhouse parenting. The Sayler family - a former homeschool family with five adult children - used that expression for illustrative purposes of their parenting style. In greenhouse seedlings, they are only kept in the protective shield of the greenhouse and its ideal environment as needed. The plants are still exposed to the necessary elements to give them further strength, and when the use of the greenhouse and natural environment have been used effectively, then the plants emerging permanently from the greenhouse are able to withstand the elements.

As greenhouse parents, we need to make sure our children have:

Proper nutrients. These proper nutrients are God’s word and our love. As Deuteronomy 6:5-7 states, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”

Proper environment. Just as the greenhouse provides temperature control, five-minute greenhouse parents must provide the proper balance of information. Ephesians 6:4 reminds us that we must bring up our children in discipline and instruction of the Lord, and we cannot do that by allowing every little worldly influence into our home. We must be discerning and wise.

Exposure. In a greenhouse model, plants are given exposure to outside elements as needed. Children raised in a bubble or hovered over - or for our analogy kept in the greenhouse at all times without any real-life exposure - will not grow deep roots. We do not want our children to be unfamiliar with the actual difficulties they will face, but we do it in age-appropriate ways to give them a chance to process and grow those roots deeper for the later strength they will need. Remember James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Protection. The greenhouse offers needed protection at the proper times. We have to be willing to be there for our children if or when they find themselves in an uncomfortable situation go, get them into a safe protective space, and then, begin the tough work of the greenhouse to help their roots grow deeper than they were before. Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” If God protects us, we should protect our children.

And, finally, freedom. Acorns grown into saplings are moved into the full reality of the world. SO, with the rare exception of children who have special needs who require care into adulthood, we five minute parents must be ready to move our well-cultivated, strong plants of children into the fully exposed world. As David Mathis of Desiring God.org indicates, we are not of the world but we (and our children) are sent into the world to share about the love of Christ.

We are told in Isaiah 61:3 that [if God's people are faithful to Him] they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. Grow your acorns, five-minute families, and help them become oaks of righteousness. Be blessed!

Recently in a mentoring session, a lady and I were discussing how difficult it is to fight for a relationship when trust has been broken. I remembered a saying that I had heard a couple of years ago while I was going through a tough medical time.

“Marriage is hard; divorce is hard. Choose your hard. Obesity is hard; being fit is hard. Choose your hard. Being in debt is hard; being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard. Communication is hard; miscommunication is hard. Choose your hard. Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard. Choose wisely.”

One who walks with wise people will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20

And, Proverbs 19:20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.

If your family has an addiction to screen time, it. Will. Be. Hard. to stop using devices so often. But, it would be hard for your children to apply self-control, to have good mental health, to maintain a proper weight, and to desire physical fitness, IF you do not do the hard thing and put device controls in place.

Choose your hard.

If your family has a habit of clamming up and waiting for the emotion of anger to pass before communicating again, it will be hard to be honest and transparent about the conflicts that arise. But, not talking these things out may manifest in no communication at all as the children grow up, causing ongoing hurts and wounds that last a lifetime.

Choose your hard.

Making decisions to not eat out after church each Sunday because the family budget needs to stabilize can be hard. You may feel a loss of fellowship with other church members. You may have to wait until the meal at home has been prepared. But, continuing to spend more money than you are making for the convenience of not cooking a meal, will be hard - with credit card payments, bad credit, difficulty saving for the future, for urgent, random expenses such as to pay for emergency dental care when a child needs a root canal.

Choose your hard.

Mentoring, counseling, speaking with your pastor… those are hard. It can be embarrassing to admit you and your family don’t have all the answers and aren’t doing everything right. But, getting help in the early stages of difficult moments can help train your family to better handle a major life change. Not going to mentoring or counseling can lead to broken relationships and bitterness and resentment taking root.

Choose your hard.

This is not about pushing yourself at all costs. If you are choosing the hard of getting up 30 minutes early to set up a habit of exercising, but you never take a rest day, then you are not choosing the hard every day. We all need rest. Physical fitness experts do NOT recommend formal exercise every single day, nor do they recommend extreme caloric restriction, except in isolated cases under a doctor’s care. So, choosing your hard isn’t about always pushing yourself; it is about choosing wisely in each moment. Just as Ecclesiastes expresses, there is a time for everything. Which means, the hard you choose will not always be the same hard as the day before.

Choose your hard.

If you feel frustrated or take offense to the “choose your hard” mentality, please know that we are not speaking to everyone at this moment. Sometimes, we cannot choose. Someone does not choose a cancer diagnosis. No one chooses to lose the person they love the most. Choices are often made for us. Finances bind us. Choosing between food on the table or gas in the car to get to work in order to try to make money to put food on the table… that doesn’t feel like a choice. It feels like a trap. But, God can help you make the smallest of changes to see you to the next option. If you are trying to choose between food and gas for food, then you may need to first choose to sign up for government or nonprofit assistance. Again, that is hard, but if you are able to make the choice to get the help you need, then prayerfully, the next choice will be just a tad easier.

Remember, five-minute families, just as Matthew 6:33 reminds us, “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Choose God. Life will still be hard, but you will have the ability to deal with the situations that arise with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. And you will have a biblical community of wisdom to glean from. Be blessed!

We want you to begin by getting into the specifics about your family’s identity so that you know HOW to combat boredom in a way that will reach the hearts and minds of your unique family unit. For example, if I suggested a “self-care” evening with manicures and pedicures to my family of men, they would likely be just as bored as doing nothing for days. However, if my brother-in-law suggested the same thing to his house full of females, it might be a hit. A stereotypical example, but I think you see what I mean.

Five-minute families, parents especially, you must begin by taking responsibility for the why of the family boredom. One of the main REASONS for boredom is a lack of meaning, so the first step is to combat ongoing boredom is to pray and find meaning in your family life. If you are simply going through the motions of school, sports, chore, church, repeat, then you need to focus your devotional time asking God to give you direction on the unique purpose that your family holds in His kingdom. He has one; it might not be as renowned as Billy Graham’s family or even your own pastor’s family, but your family’s role in God’s kingdom is JUST AS IMPORTANT as theirs. Romans 12:6 reminds us, we have “gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them.”

Next up, get creative. Try to think outside the box. We know that God is able to do far more abundantly than all that we can think of (Ephesians 3:20), so ask Him for ideas. Maybe your family used to love going to the park but now that the kids are little older, you can’t think of what to do. A longer hike and trail plan might do, but you might be ready for a complete change. Something odd like beginning to organize old photos and talk about the people in their past and their legacy of Christ-following. Maybe write a book together. Obviously, the list is endless. Spend a bit of time doing an internet search for creative ideas.

Remember, you need to get organized. Once you have an idea, present it to the family. Have details -dates and places - in mind. Children need structure, but so do we parents, and by preparing ahead of time, you will be able to answer most questions that threaten to throw you all back into the loop of indecision. Apply Proverbs 21:5 here - “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.”

Now, we just said get organized, but you also need to be spontaneous. And, no, those two things are not contradictory terms. The more organized you are about options, the more flexibility you have to add in something spontaneously. Some families are so over-scheduled that having some time at home is a welcome reprieve. Those times are not what we are talking about. We are talking about the times when ‘nothing of consequence’ happening, and no relationships are being deepened. When down time allows, pull out some of those organized ideas and offer the family some fun time together at a moment’s notice. In both Ephesians 5:16 and Colossians 4:5, Paul encourages us to “make the most of every opportunity!”

Don’t forget that you are going to have to get active here. If you are a lazy person (come on now, you know who you are), then you might have to push yourself to get into the habit of engaging. If you are an active person who doesn’t include the slower people in your family, you might have to slow down a bit. If you as the parent are ill, you might have to bring in help or accept options that don’t include you in the moment, but if you have been integral in the planning and you are focused in the sharing, then even you can participate as physical and mental health allow. Whether you are lazy, scared, ill, uninterested, or indifferent, you have to come into the next level of activity, whatever that may be for you. 1 Timothy 4:14 admonishes us, “Do not neglect the gift you have.”

God gives us good and wonderful gifts, unique talents for His purposes. No moment is useless to the Lord, and that includes restful, playful, and connective moments. Just as the musically talented family shares their gifts through concerts and songs around the campfire, we each can share our gifts.

Be ready to share your gifts and interests to lift the spirits of your family members as well as the world at large. Be blessed!

Evening after evening, weekend after weekend sometimes families find themselves in a season of boredom. Boredom can come from many different situations.

The reality of the world we live in today is that most of us are technologically overstimulated. We are fed ongoing, ever-changing sets of information that give constant stimulation to the brain. The trouble is that conversations in real time are slower, they have more interruptions, especially depending on the ages of any children in the home, and often times we need extra time to really convey our thoughts.

We must remember that the information we have constantly downloading and the videos we watch are most often only after multiple retakes and heavy editing, yet still so often we expect our family members to understand our inaccurate descriptions of said videos or we get aggravated when a family member can’t engage the way we want, as fast as we want, so then we all turn back to feed the dopamine loop our devices deliver, leaving us less and less satisfied with real-life interactions. Thus, family life bores us, and we grow more and more distant and disconnected.

Sometimes, our family life has become too routine. We know what to expect, have experienced the same things day in and day out for weeks, months, or years, and the monotony has become boring. Routine can be helpful especially for children and neuro-divergent people, like people with autism or adhd. Interestingly, however, just like devices create a dopamine release, so does novelty. Having something different to look forward to often reduces stress and increases creativity, leading to a less bored outlook.

The flipside of having become too routine is being too disorganized. You might be wondering how being disorganized leads to be boredom… well, if the parents haven’t planned and organized family time, then the typical propensity for everyone is to disengage and find their own things to do in downtime, and, you guessed it, the typical activity to turn to is device use.

Some families find that they are afraid to engage in outside activities or biblical community participation. Unfortunately, some folks are raised in way that suggests anything fun is a waste of time and nothing but hard work is a waste of time. But, John 10:10 tells is that “the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Or, maybe you are nervous because your toddler is going through a whirlwind, deviant phase, so you retreat into the house to maintain control. Whatever your reason may be for fearing engagement with your biblical community, realize that it may be directly contributing to your family’s boredom, and you may need to explore the reason and ask God to guide what activities you should get involved in together.

And, finally, all too often, we begin to live meaningless lives. We aren’t sure of what our gifts are, or think we don’t have any gifts. Or we believe that because we are still learning and growing we are somehow incapable of serving for the Lord. Whatever the reason, we begin to just go through the motions of living without any meaning or purpose behind our actions. Which, yep, you guessed it, often leads us to be bored with our meaningless lives.

Paul states in Philippians 4:12 “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.” If your family is in a season of boredom, please join us next week while we discuss options for ways a five-minute family can break the boredom loop and begin to enjoy family time again.

May God enlighten the eyes of your hearts that you may know the hope of His calling, the riches of the glory of His inheritance, and the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe.

Be blessed!

For example, here at CVR we encourage the whole family to come out and serve together for service events or ministry events. Yet, what about the mother who is passionate about helping at the crisis pregnancy center because of her own difficult past whose children are not yet old enough to participate in serving at the center? What about the father who loves to work on cars and helps the widows and other families in need whose child is disabled and would never be able to serve alongside dad in that capacity?

It may seem like a collision of family identity versus individual identity, and it could be, if a family let it. However, we suggest that the one anothering verses come strongly into play here, and that supporting one another in serving despite not being able to serve alongside one another is vastly important to the better balanced and more God-honoring family identity.

All of us have heard stories about how having just one supportive person in our lives, especially as child, can make a fundamental change in the quality of that person’s life. Now, obviously, we are not speaking materialistically here, we are talking about the realization of self-esteem and importance in God’s kingdom. He could do all of everything alone, but he includes us, and when we see our worth, we are infinitely more capable of giving Him all the glory and working even harder to bring Him honor. So, that individual who has prayed and feels God’s call to a specific serving mission must be recognized and supported. Remember 1 Peter 4:10 - “Just as each one has received a gift, use it to serve others, as good stewards of the varied grace of God.”

Working on being a godly, a Christ-following family with a strong God-centered family identity will take intentionality with the balance of individual identity, especially in serving. So, we suggest these five guidelines to get you started:

First, confirm with your spouse or parent before committing to serve without them. Communicate clearly your personal desires and listen well when your spouse or children respond with their needs and desires. Make sure to always find common ground. Encourage one-another to serve. Mission is a foundation of the Christian identity and a biblical mandate not to be taken lightly.

Then, block out time for individual serving within the larger family schedule. Ideally, having individual family members serving separately but at the same time can be the easiest to schedule. In fact, if mom and dad are going opposite directions, having grandma and grandpa or an aunt have quality time with the kiddos would be a net win for everyone.

Third, intentionally, place priorities on family time with no interruptions. Sometimes, someone is going to have to give up his or her individual serving time in order to meet the family priorities. Again, communication and cooperation. And, remember that you have to be intentional in planning on the serving and family time otherwise things will be missed.

Fourth, include your family members where you can. Instead of your going out with just the other volunteers for some fellowship time or ongoing team building time, if possible, include the whole family so that your family members are welcomed into that aspect of your life, getting to know other believers better and to feel included. A great goal is to encourage is biblical community. We are brothers and sisters working together and are part of the greater “capital C” church.

And, fifth, make sure that you purposely schedule time together to share about your individual serving or mission work. John 17:20-26 points out that we are perfected in unity. Five-minute families, remember that God placed you together. He wants you to have a family identity, but He also created you each uniquely and wonderfully, so we each must find a way to balance our individual identities with our family identities.

Thank you for joining us for this latest Five Minute Family. Speaking of family identities, maybe this year would be a great time to explore what that looks like for your family. Also, we always want to know what you guys and gals are interested in hearing about, so please let us know by commenting over on our facebook page at facebook.com/clearviewretreat. Be blessed!

I despise cooking. I truly do not find any joy in it whatsoever, but my husband does not even view it as a chore. He listens to our likes and dislikes and caters to our desires while giving us nutritious, delicious food. Early in our marriage, Jim and I divided kitchen duties on his days off with his doing the planning, prepping, and cooking, and my doing all the cleaning. For twenty-five and a half years, with some flexible variations, that has worked. Until recently. One of our children has to have some major dietary changes that require me to plan, prep, cook, and clean at least three meals a day from scratch just for him. Some parts of each meal can cross over to the rest of us, but for many meals over the last five weeks, I have been making up to four different mains or side dishes to meet the needs of the different family members. I kept getting more and more frustrated on the days Jim would cook. He did not clean up. One Sunday morning I had to take 20 minutes cleaning before I could prepare the food safely for our kiddo.

I never needed to worry about ending the task of cooking because Kim enjoyed cleaning, and we both willingly divided that task into its parts instead. Every task has something that ends it, that closes it out … and that is usually cleaning up. Doing homework on the dining table? Clean up the pencils, papers, and books. Mowing the lawn? Clean the sidewalks, gather the leaves in the compost after cleaning the bottom of the mower and putting it away. Cooking a meal? Clear the table, wash the dishes, and clean the countertops. How many times, five-minute parents, have we called a child back to end the task they had been on before they move on to another?

The thing is… I was becoming overwhelmed with the amount of cleaning that our son’s type of cooking involves. I am the one who needs a change from what has worked for us for more than 25 years. I didn’t know how to explain it; I didn’t realize why I was frustrated or angry at times. But, God is so good. A facebook reel popped up on my feed about mental load and the need for one person to “end the task” so that that task does not add to the load of another family member.

Since we can have faith in God completing his tasks - Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. - we must also have good faith in completing the tasks set before us. As 1 Corinthians 14:40 reminds us, we should do everything decent and in order. And, Proverbs 18:9 cautions us that “whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys.” As the managing of our home, if I call, for example, an electrician, he or she will not be called again if they leave a mess at my home. If, however, they clean up after themselves, I am very likely not only to call them again myself but to also recommend them to my friends. We all need to learn to complete the tasks we take on, or we are not being helpful to our family members.

So, to truly be helpful:

1. Discuss division of chores and tasks.

2. End the tasks you have on your responsibility’s list.

3. If someone is overwhelmed, listen fully to the other person’s needs.

4. If take on someone else’s task, end the task. If you don’t know what that means for this new-to-you task, ask.

5. If you cannot complete the total task, communicate clearly what part of a task you can do.

The concept of ending the task is not a new one, but the idea that doing just part of a task in hopes of being a rescuer and helper may be new to some of us. You know, Jim, so much of what we encourage five-minute families to do is communicate.

Yep. Communicate, friends! We enjoy sharing the Five Minute Family devotional with you each week. Please consider reaching out to us on our website clearviewretreat.org to let us know what you think. And, now is the time to book your Family Camp or Marriage Retreat for 2023! We hope to meet you soon. Be blessed!

First, let’s discuss what a child’s role is NOT. It would be unhealthy for a child’s mental and emotional growth for them to be placed in the role of parent on a constant basis, nor is it ok for a parent to confide in a child as they would their spouse or close friend.

Children are immature - physically and emotionally; they are inexperienced, rightfully so. Children need to be sheltered, fed, warmed, and loved. The most widely ratified human rights treaty in the world concerns children. Children have the right to survival - food, water, shelter; the right to development - education, religion, and rest; the right to protection - safety and identity; and the right of participation in society without abuse or isolation. We have a responsibility to meet their basic needs and rights in order for them to perform their roles properly.

When we asked our almost 9-year-old what he was expected to do in our family, he answered, “to do my school and listen to my mother and father.”

When we asked our 17-year-old, he answered, “to grow up, work hard, get a family, and then teach my kids to do the same thing.”

Our 9-year-old is correct about his role right now. Consider Proverbs 1:8 “Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching.” And, Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Hey, parents, note, that we are to be in the LORD!

And, our 17-year-old was correct, too, based on the changes he is facing in his very near future. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

No matter what stage of life our children are in, we are training children here. Children. We must let our children be children, not mini-adults. We are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but before we do that, we must remember that our children are children, learning as children learn and growing as children grow.

The main role of a child is to be a CHILD. And, that manifests primarily for a younger child into those roles of learner and helper. As children get older, their roles shift. With increased maturity and experience, older kiddos’ capacity in the roles of part-time decision-makers, part-time caregivers, and part-time teachers increase. Remember, we are, of course, trying to work ourselves out of the full-time role of parenting, but it will not happen overnight, and our older children will still need guidance.

So, what responsibilities should we five-minute parents ensure our children have to fulfill their secondary roles of learner, helper, teacher, caregiver, and decision-maker in the family?

Children should have chores, and, yes, that means even in homes where one or both parents feel guilty about something and they are tempted to make up for it by catering to the children’s lack of desire to do a chore.

Children should be given care over something living - a plant, a pet, or a younger sibling, depending on your household circumstances.

Children should be helpers - let them help you cook, do a project, and more. They should be working ALONGSIDE you as often as possible.

Children should be active participants in family life. While chores, caring for something living, and helping out will also change with age, be extra mindful that active participation in family life for older and younger children will look very different depending on extracurricular, health, and financial needs.

And, last, children should be encouraged to share their opinions - respectfully, of course. By learning as children how to separate fact from opinion and share their opinions kindly and clearly, they will be better contributors to society both as children and as adults.

Family roles are important for the functioning and health of each of the family members. Remember Proverbs 29:17 - “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” This discipline that Proverbs speaks of is not always referring to punishment and admonishment; it is also instruction and correction. If we parents embrace our roles in leading and managing, we equip our children for success in leading godly, productive lives.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Need a place to refresh your family, reconnect with God and learn about your family identity in Christ? If so, please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Typically, speaking, however, the wife and mama is the manager of the home. A popular home schedule program back when my oldest sons were still young referred to wives and mothers as the managers of their home. While that somewhat resonated with me, it didn’t make a full impact on me until a few years later.

Jim had a new position where he worked, that put him at home during most school days. It about drove me crazy that numerous times, he would come downstairs and ask about turning on the television or watching a movie. If it happened that he entered the living room while the boys were on break from their homeschooling tasks, he would just start a movie or show them videos on his phone. One day he mentioned returning to the living room to finish a movie with the boys, I was incredulous. I asked him, “why do you always make me the bad guy?! I am tired of being the one who always says no to the shows or “fun stuff” when it is school time.” He apologized saying that he hadn’t meant to interrupt. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand that he was interrupting and sometimes hijacking the whole school day. He pointed out how different school days looked differently from his point of view, and he never knew that he was interrupting when I had acquiesced to his requests so many times before. He pointed out that he didn’t view me as the killjoy, but as the manager, and he had no idea that he was putting me in uncomfortable situations with the kids. He started asking about “fun stuff” more privately, and I started saying no more often when it was necessary to do so. Most importantly, I stopped resenting him and accepted my manager role more completely.

As a manager of our homes, we need to be mindful of five things:

First, we must always be observant. Consider Proverbs 31:27. In the Christian Standard Version it reads, “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.” Other versions say that she looks well to the ways of her household. We must be watching to see what our specific household is in need of.

Next, we must plan well for those needs. The second part of Proverbs 31:27 points out that we should not be idle. If we use our time wisely, then we can easily plan for the needs of our family, and do as Proverbs 31:25 states, and we can smile at the future.

Third, we must be prepared to act. Proverbs 31 is full of actions that the manager of the home might engage in. Please note that Proverbs 31 is not a list of all the things a household manager MUST do, but an overview of the tasks, jobs, side hustles, (you get the idea) that a good manager can stay mindful of.

Fourth, we must motivate our families. Proverbs 31:26 states, “Her mouth speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue.” By choosing to share God’s wisdom and kindness with my family, I motivate them to do the tough stuff, and by keeping active as point three illustrated, I set a motivational example for them as well.

And, finally, as manager of our homes, we must teach our children as Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Likewise, as in Genesis 2:18, I become a better partner to my spouse, “a helper fit for him.”

Moms, wives, managers of your home - strength and dignity are our garments when we hold tight to God’s hand. The central theme to being a good manager of our home is be devoted to God. No matter what circumstances you find yourself, remember that you are a child of His, created in His image, and He will guide you as you manage your home well. Be blessed!

So, the question today is, how should a husband or father lead his family well?

Let’s start with Ephesians 5:25-26, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.”

The foundation of a family is a biblical marriage. Men, being like Christ can be an overwhelming thought, but loving like Christ is completely doable. He gave himself for the church; you can give yourself for your wife. That means thinking about her needs before your own. Not being a door mat but an encouragement. Christ cleansed the church through the word; we also can cleanse our spouse through His word. Coupling these two together allows us to bring Christ front and center in our families, encouraging grace as an everyday occurrence.

Next, how to lead the children. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.”

Unfortunately, exasperate is in the Bible because God knows it happens. We can become an irritation and frustration to our children if we focus on the wrong things. Are we trying to make them like us? Are we more performance-based than love-based? We have the ability to set the tone of our homes by how we put down or build up our children. That does not mean giving into every desire they may have but balancing loving discipline with heartfelt encouragement.

I could have started with this next one, but I think we all need it more as a reminder then a starting place. Joshua 1:9 says, “Haven’t I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

We can try to coast through family life, not taking risks, not putting ourselves out there, but God wants us to engage, to be more than we think we can be and to excel to bring Him glory. No matter where you are in the timeline of your leading your family, remember this, there will be times of fear and discouragement, but God is with us. There will be opportunities to start leading and there will be times when we return to our responsibility to lead. God is with us in both of those scenarios and strengthens those who seek His face.

A saying I heard several times in life when attending leadership training classes was “praise in public, criticize in private.” The biblical equivalent can be found in Matthew 18:15-20, “First confront your brother and then if need be, bring in others.”

How many times have you seen parents, spouses, family members do a lot more criticizing in public than praising? It sure seems that people air their frustrations out on others rather than work it out with their family member. Reference back to the exasperate section. Discussing problems can be frustrating if the goal is to simply embarrass or shame someone. It may motivate them to simply not do something to avoid the shame but that will not be encouraging for true life change or transformation. As the biblical passage says, confront one-on-one, and if there is no resolve, then bring in others, trusted friends and mentors that share the goal of love and encouragement.

Speaking of encouragement, Romans 15:5 wraps us up by saying, “Now may the God who gives endurance and encouragement grant you to live in harmony with one another, according to Christ Jesus.”

Are you focused on the Lord and seeking His strength, His endurance, His encouragement, His harmony, in those relationships He has blessed you with? And to repeat those points in a different way, the verse says, according to Christ Jesus. Our being, our doing, our lives should depend on Christ Jesus because He is the author and perfecter of our faith. And we should filter our families through our faith. Faith that goes beyond the common. Faith that endures the tough times. Faith that leads.

Thank you for joining me this morning. I pray that the eyes of your heart have been enlightened to see your leadership in a new and different way with Christ as the focus and that your cup runs over with His goodness. Be blessed!

Thus has been the case for Jim and Joe, who had it the worst of all of us and are still having a hard time with stamina and respiratory issues. Yet, they re-engaged in life, while still not feeling back to their normal selves. This can present a challenge for those around them. One minute they are up and engaging and the next they are sound asleep. And, sometimes that means missing out on once-in-a-lifetime opportunities - such as Jojo’s first ever team pictures.

Then, when Joe tried to go to his basketball game days after last having a fever, he was fatigued and still coughing a little. His nerves were off the charts, making him nauseous on top of feeling so tired. His coach was kind and reassuring through the nerves. Once Joe felt ready, Coach put him into the game. While Joe was in, Coach encouraged his other players to give him a chance to shoot. Those boys, young and considerate, did so - multiple times, though he didn't score. Once Joe couldn't run anymore due to his breathing, he had to leave the game.

Coach cared about Joe’s needs, met him where he was, and encouraged him to keep giving beyond what he had limited himself to think possible. This mama’s heart was so full watching someone pour into my son.

About 50% of children in the United States participate in organized team sports between the ages of six and seventeen. And, while not all children will have a coach in their lives, ALL children have a parent-figure in their lives.

We can’t solve all of the world’s problems, but we must realize just like the three things Joe’s coach gave him on Saturday, we parents (or parent-figures) must meet those three areas plus two more in the parenting realm.

We must care about EACH child. Parents, you will resonate more with some of your children than with others. We see it in life, as parents, as observers, some children are just easier to parent. That does not mean we care for the others less than the easy.

THIS DO NOT ABSOLVE us from continuing to meet our children where they are, caring for them even when their behavior is quite upsetting. Just as Paul in 1 Corinthians 9, we must become Jewish to the Jew, weak to the weak, all things to all people. We, as Christ-following parents, must make changes in our own approach in order to meet each child where he or she is.

We must also encourage them to become better and better versions of themselves. Note, we did not just say better and better. We said better and better versions of THEMSELVES. You must seek God to help guide your child in the way GOD has planned that they should go, not the way you want them to go.

Likewise, parents provide for their basic needs, even when sick or moving slowly ourselves. I asked Joe what he appreciated about me as his mom, and he answered that he liked that I make his oatmeal each morning.

And, last, we should strive to provide new experiences; Joe answered that he appreciated that I let him drive the tractor. Not every child will get to drive a tractor, but new experiences in nature, watching learning youtube videos together, and more do not cost anything and draw you closer.

Joe’s coach knows that some of the players will go on to play high school and college ball, and statistically less than 2% of ALL ball players everywhere will receive a scholarship for their ball playing. But, by coaching the WHOLE team, he builds them each up as a TEAM and as an individual.

The young man seen and included who chooses to stop playing basketball will still know his worth and value, no matter how good or bad a player he or she was. The players who go on to play longer will be the players who include others, building up the whole team, not just themselves.

As parents, we know that not every child will grow up to be the CEO or a department head, but each child can become a success. Parents, are you caring equitably for each child? Are you meeting each one where he or she is, even in the hardest seasons? And, are you lovingly challenging them to give more of themselves in what God has set for them?

Prayerfully seek God’s direction and teach your children self-examination and deeper thinking about who God has created them to be. You can be the best coach your child will ever have, whether you guys ever participate in sports or not. Be blessed!

The sun streaming in my windows makes me smile. It doesn’t have to be warm outside, and I don’t have to have the sun on me to feel better. Simply seeing it improves my mood. You know, there are people like that. Simply seeing them makes me smile. Sometimes, they are busy and only have a moment to flash a grin my way, yet, they always leave their glow behind. What happens, though, when everyone around us is NOT like sunshine?

Often, pastors will talk about the ‘church family.’ Sometimes, they are referring to the capital ‘C’ church family, but normally they are bringing it in to the closeness of the local congregation. And, just like any family, some folks are sunshine, and some folks always have clouds or rain around them - at least with always cloudy peeps, we know what to expect, but what about those people who are sometimes sunny and sometimes rainy? Just like the real weather, we can run the percentages, but often we just don’t know what we are going to get. You know, when I was in drama class eons ago, we would warm up our lips by say “Whether the weather is hot, or whether the weather is cold, we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather, whether we like it or not.”

So, in our biblical communities, whether we like it or not, we must learn how do we deal with one another in kind, loving ways - especially when someone is variable and we just aren’t sure how to react.

We treat them like family, the way God says… one anothering as brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers in the faith.

Let’s pray for one another - and, pray, too, for God to reveal if we ourselves are only fair-weather friends. I used to always hug people, yet as I have gotten older, I have learned many people don’t like hugs. I am a time person, but since time at church doesn’t really allow for prolonged conversations, a hug used to say so much. However, with the pandemic touching concerns, my own health-induced anxiety, and moving to a new place not knowing who the huggers are, my hug-giving has fallen by the wayside. It makes me sad and awkward about ‘to hug or not to hug.’ And, that’s just a small snippet of what happens in some folks’ head when you approach them.

Listen well. When someone is able to bring the sunshine each week, he or she may need someone who is listening between the lines. OR, maybe if the sunshine person is being real, then he or she needs to stop and allow the ‘rain cloud’ to lighten his or her load. If the rain cloud person does not feel listened to, he or she will return home heavier and heavier each week. Listen well to their words and the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Be authentic but be self-controlled. If you are the oft-changing, variable person, realize how your lack of self-control affects those in your biblical community. I know that everything I feel shows on my face, and with the difficulty of the past few years, I am one of the varying people. I need to remember that being bubbly one day and Eeyore the next time we meet makes it difficult for others to engage with me.

Be more accepting. Kim and I began doing the “whether the weather” statement that each week before we record the Family Minute Family. The reality is that we need to see our fellow church family members for who they are - not just who we want them to be but who they are right now. Not just who God will continue to grow them to be but who they are right now. Sometimes, we are in the thick of a storm, and sometimes we are the storm. Sometimes, we may be the only ray of sunshine our church family member may see the entire week.

Shift perspectives. You don’t have to agree with the person’s view of life, but try to understand that they may be struggling with things that they themselves do not even fully understand yet. Here, especially, if you are a more mature Christian, adopt a mentoring mindset. Share a verse or two, not in condemnation but in encouragement.

Just as every biological or household family has the sunshine, the rain, the cloud, the variable, and all weathers in-between, your church family will have a unique assortment, too - ALL OF WHOM ARE MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE. Never forget that.

Whether the weather TOGETHER!

Thank you for joining us this morning. We pray that you have an excellent week as you continue to raise standards, reach goals, and love one another with God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Be blessed!

For others listening, we hope you will take the new opportunity to join us for a family camp, marriage retreat, or one of our other program offerings. The calendar is out, and we would love to chat with you about booking an event to build your family’s discipleship strategy and biblical community.

As 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!” If we are a new creation, then we have new opportunities abounding every. Single. Day. So, let’s look at some Scripture to inspire us in the new opportunities we will see in 2023.

Galatians 6:10 points out how we can focus on the PURPOSE of new opportunities. “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.” We have a purpose of doing good for all. For ourselves, for our families, for our biblical communities, and more.

Ephesians 5:16-18 shows that we must be willing to take ACTION. The Common English Bible states it this way, “Take advantage of every opportunity because these are evil times.” ‘Take advantage’ means that we must take action; we must be ready to move forward when God shows us the next step He wants our family to take.

If we are taking advantage of opportunities and seeing the purpose of our opportunities as doing good, then Galatians 5:13 falls into better focus. “For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.” We must remember that in every new opportunity we must have an attitude of SERVING one another.

Colossians 4:2-6 commands that we must “[d]evote yourselves to prayer; stay alert in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us that God may open a door to us for the word, to speak the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains, so that I may make it known as I should. Act wisely toward outsiders, making the most of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.” In every new opportunity, a Christ-following family must have an openness to sharing the good news of our salvation in Christ Jesus. (SHARE)

Ecclesiastes 9:10a tells us, “Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength.” Five-minute families, we must KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Paul’s ministry is a great illustration of continuing to move forward. The book of Acts follows Paul and his companions on three missionary journeys. Paul thought he was supposed to be a minister to his people the Jews, but God had a different plan. Paul kept moving forward, continually seeking God’s voice as God led Paul to the Gentiles.

As you seek God’s leading for your family, be mindful of all the new opportunities He brings to you. A few opportunities you are supposed to endeavor to do individually, but many will be family opportunities. Remember, that you each have unique and wonderful contributions to make in any family endeavor. Family opportunities can be a little more difficult to plan and a little different in their implementation, but the richness of relationship that you will build within your family and alongside other families is priceless.

Thank you for joining us today, and we ask that if you have enjoyed the Five Minute Family or any event at Clear View Retreat, please share about it with others. We need your help in getting the word out about 2023 events and family opportunities. You can find out more at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Have you reviewed your standards this past week? Remember, as Proverbs 16:3 points out. “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” You must raise your standards before setting goals or making resolutions. As we discussed last week many folks will make individual and family resolutions just to see those resolutions fade by the third week of January. But, we CAN deepen our familial relationships and improve the quality of our lives if we take a step back and remember the quick difference in our three terms of this short series:

Standard - the acceptable normal of your home

Goal - your desired result

And, last, Resolution - what you want to change

Here is a quick example for each of those three: For the five-minute family, you may resolve to have family devotions in 2023. A goal for that resolution would be to read one passage of the devotional book Dad bought each week on Tuesday evening, and the standards of completion and accountability probably come into greater emphasis with this particular goal.

As you work through your family’s goals for 2023, please keep in mind

Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.

and

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Think about this, low standards can keep you from achieving your goals, and not breaking your resolutions into achievable goals will keep you from success. So, let’s discuss five points in how to reach a goal and what standard may need to be raised to achieve it:

First, you must choose a goal that is relevant to current family life. Does this goal really suit your family right now? This element of a goal will be greatly impacted by your standard of balance in life. For example, if your family wants to eat dinner together every night, but mom has to get up at 5am, dad doesn’t get home until 8 pm, teenager doesn’t end practice until 6 pm, and little one is in bed by 7 pm, then eating dinner together every night isn’t a relevant goal, but eating one meal together a week - whether it is breakfast on the weekend or lunch after church on Sunday, that goal might be relevant.

Second, you must evaluate how determined you and each other family member is to achieve this goal. Does your family have the ability to continue trying to achieve your goal, even if it is difficult? Your standard of completion comes into play here. For example, do you have the standard that when a kid starts a sports season, they must finish it?

Third, you must be willing to practice. How disciplined is your family to perform the needed task or skill on the schedule it needs - daily, weekly, monthly? If your family has a low standard for work quality, then that will need to rise before or during your time of practice.

Fourth, it is time to focus. Does your family regularly pay particular attention to issues or tasks that they enjoy doing? Having high standards in mastery of any area will help your family focus on the new goal. If your standard is low in focus, setting an alarm or marking the calendar for everyone to see may help.

And, fifth. Don’t forget the need for accountability. There should be accountability within the family unit, such as lovingly encouraging one another when someone is low in their willingness to practice that day, but you can also tell another family or friend, asking them to check in periodically to see how you guys are doing. Your standard of authenticity will need to be high or rising to achieve accountability in your goal. And, don’t forget, social comparison is off the table when you are choosing to improve the standards and goals of your home.

No matter what you are working on - a standard, goal, or resolution. Be specific. And, if the concepts of standards, goals, or resolutions are too overwhelming for whatever reason OOORRRR if you already have a life with high standards and regularly set goals, then, we encourage you to head over to your favorite podcast player such as google podcast, and find our Five Minute Family from 2020 that discusses choosing a family word of the year.

Thank you so much for joining us for the Five Minute Family this year. Each of us is blessed by our Blesser to be a blessing. No matter what you are motivated to achieve this coming year, remember to do all that you do for the glory of the Lord! Be blessed!

Once the Christmas festivities have ceased, folks will begin thinking about what the new year will bring. Let’s discuss the concept of New Year’s resolutions and what we suggest this year instead (and why).

But, first, let’s define three important words:

Standard - a required or agreed level of quality; more easily understood as the acceptable normal

Goal - the object of a person's ambition or effort; this is your aim or desired result

And, last, Resolution - a firm decision to do or not to do something

These three words are not the same yet so often are used interchangeably. Today, let’s zoom in on standards.

As the writer at MidAmerica Martial Arts stated, “Let's first discuss the difference between goals and standards. Standards are rules and guidelines; benchmarks that are the minimum level of effort and achievement expected daily. They are the norm. Goals are a result of some concerted effort; a place or level of proficiency above where you currently are.”

Thus, if your family has low standards, no amount of goal-setting or resolution-making will be successful. In business, standards can only be maintained when the people of the business share the same expectations. The same applies to family standards. As Philippians 4:8 states, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” We must discuss together what standards we want to have in our home. Do we have a standard of excellence?

My standard for what has become acceptable in my average day of managing our home and how I organize homeschooling has dropped dramatically in the past five years, especially during the two and a half years when I was often sick, in pain, anxious, depressed, or all four. Until my standards are higher, my kids will continue to put in the lowest possible effort. I want to set a standard for each weekday… time in the Bible, time outside, time with my family, and less time on screens, you get the idea.

Those can be overwhelming, especially if we jumped to defining specific goals and resolving that everything must change at once without setting expectations of norms. So, let’s discuss how we will tackle raising our standards so that we afterward can begin goal-setting and resolution-making as a family.

1. First, we must identify our standard, and the standard for a five-minute family is the Bible. Our standard canNOT be the family we have identified as the “most Christian.” Many folks put their pastor and his family on a pedestal. Others identify a deacon’s family, a teacher’s family, a prominent community figure’s family. Please do not fall into this trap. While some families are certainly going to get things “right” and “better” than our family, we need to look to the Bible and see what God is encouraging our family to work on. Maybe mom and dad didn’t have good Christian examples, or maybe there has been trauma that has caused someone to digress in their walk with the Lord; nevertheless, we can begin to see what God wants our daily standard of life to look like.

2. Next, identify the ONE area of your family life that needs attention whether that is in the area of spiritual living, healthy habits, working practices, or mental health. If you have come to accept low levels of kindness or interaction, then that is what you will get. Choose the one area that you can see has a low standard or quality in your home.

3. Begin taking your thoughts captive. This will include listening for your family’s dynamic in communication and addressing words, phrases, or attitudes that do not contribute to building one another up. Yes, this applies to homework, chores, screen time, Bible time, you name it.

4. Set boundaries TOGETHER for the standard you choose. For our family I began monitoring how much time I spend on devices. We already have monitors in place for the kids, but I wasn’t really paying attention to the amount of time, just whether things were of acceptable content. I plan to utilize this information to raise our standard of time management.

5. The biggest thing a five-minute family must do while trying to raise standards of daily living is to forgive one another when someone messes up.

Join us next week as we tie our standards, goals, and resolutions together to help families make 2023 a fabulous year for the whole family. Be blessed!

The sermon at our church this past Sunday was about the comfort of God using Isaiah 40 as its Scriptural foundation. As our pastor listed out his four points about Christ bringing comfort to his people, but the part that struck me most was when our pastor stated about God and the Israelites who had been enslaved in Egypt, … the pastor said, “He calls them out… calls them into the wilderness and into the wilderness they go.” He goes on to demonstrate how God used the wilderness for His people as a sanctuary from Egypt and as a time that was ordained by God. Throughout the Israelites’ time in the wilderness God always provided. Our pastor listed five things in quick succession, but we would like to take a bit longer on each one of them for you, our five-minute families, who may be experiencing your own wilderness. Remember, EVEN IN THE WILDERNESS, God provides.

For forty years, despite their disobedience, the Israelites were fed, led, watered, taught, and given a steward. Manna and quail, pillars of fire and cloud, water from a rock (twice), the ten commandments, and Moses as their leader. Some of us play Monday morning quarterback with family decisions we should have made, and just like the Israelites who were too scared to face the giants and thus had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years, we often see that we made a wrong turn, even when prompted by God to do otherwise. So, whether of your own making or of circumstances surrounding you, Five Minute families, here is a reminder of what is God giving you in your time in the wilderness.

1. He will get you fed. You may keep struggling to make ends meet. Swallow your pride and call the church and ask for help. Call the school and ask about different programs available, and KEEP WORKING HARD EVERY DAY. Just like the manna… the Israelites had to go out each day - except on the Sabbath - to gather their food. You may have to work every day to put food on the table but remember, that job is there because God is providing. Folks are donating to the church, and the government has programs for a reason.

2. He will lead you. God led the Israelites through the wilderness with a pillar of fire at night and a pillar of cloud during the day. Today, we have his word. I am not talking here about the details of theology and daily living. We are talking about the six clear things God lists in His word as being His will for your and your family’s life. As we have referenced in a Five Minute devo before, John MacArthur summarizes them this way, “If you’re saved, Spirit-filled, sanctified, submissive, suffering, and thankful – do whatever you want.” That means God is leading you, so be ready to move when He says move!

3. God literally provided the Israelites water in the desert. Thankfully, we live in a place of clean water options. So, let’s think figuratively here… Do you thirst for something more in your family life, even in a time in wilderness? Don’t fill your family time with unhealthy sugary or bitter drinks. Fill your hearts with water, with the pure kindness and joy of time together with one another and your biblical community.

4. Now, back into Scripture… interesting how family life keeps coming back to time in Scripture! just as God gave the Israelites the Ten Commandments, we must take the time to study, meditate, pray, and learn. Plan time in God’s word or it will not happen.

5. Just as the Israelites were given Moses as their leader, along with a group of other men of leadership, in our time of being in the wilderness we must realize that we are still to listen to our authorities. I once heard a missionary who returned from a communist country talk about how moved he was by the Christian church praying fervently for their leaders. Not that they would be harmed and removed from office but that they would come to know the Lord and that no matter what they would make God-honoring decisions while still in office. Are you praying for your church leaders, town leaders, country leaders - whether you agree with them or not?

Remember that God is always providing for you and your family. Take some time if you are in the wilderness to see His provisions and comforts all around you. Be blessed!

Tying into the parenting behaviors and attitudes last week is a parenting analogy presented by Dr. Robert Kellemen. Each parent drew a dot on their notes. Next, around the dot, we drew a circle fairly close. Then, a second circle a bit further away. Then, another and another. And, finally, a circle as far as from the dot as our paper allowed. This is an illustration of our God-given goals as parents. Our child is the dot and the circles are us administering consequences for their choices throughout our parenting years - good or bad.

Proverbs 22:6 gives us the general guideline: "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." We must remember that this is not a promise with specific, parent-driven outcomes. This is a guideline we must follow to give our kiddos the best chance to have a life of purpose, love, and beauty.

Ellen Galinsky wrote about six stages of parenting with each stage’s goals. Her first stage involves preparation before baby comes, so we will only discuss the other five while keeping the Kellemen dot/circle illustration in mind.

1. The closest circle comes when our children are babies. We nurture them, helping them adapt into our family. Some families will have nurseries in another area of the house and some parents will have baby's bassinet in their bedroom. No matter which room the child is in, the parents will meet his or her needs, teaching them that their cries, coos, and giggles bring responses from the ones who love them most.

2. Yet, we will not always respond to every sound our little one makes. The circle moves out a bit. Our child still needs to knows there are responses to their actions, but our kiddo will begin to make some choices without our hovering. Thus, we will bring in rules to help effectively guide our toddlers and preschoolers. The circle still needs to be fairly close because these kiddos do not have the brain development to realize consequences that are too far away. For example, their hitting the other kid during storytime at the library in the morning should NOT result in no ice cream at dessert time after dinner. The circle - our response and consequence - must to be closer in time to make a clear connection.

3. In middle childhood, our kiddos are going through more developmental changes, and we need to help them see their place in the world outside the family unit. School interactions, community participation, and other social events - in all of those, our children still need us to help them see the connection between their actions and others' responses. One Sunday in church our class discussed attendance. Some of the parents in the room spoke about the need to force their children to attend church at times, and often with increasing frequency as the kids get older. Church attendance may be the circle of response or consequence you need to enforce.

4. In full adolescence, we five-minute parents often need five-minute timeouts ourselves! This is when we must renegotiate our own relationship with our child. They are ready for much more responsibility than we often realize, and decision-making becomes a shared endeavor. The circle is much further from the dot at this point. For example, this is when speeding as a new driver may not feel like an issue to our teenagers... until they get a speeding ticket. Don't pay it for them, Moms and Dads. Make then pay for it, or work for you to pay you back if they truly have no money.

5. And, then, finally, five-minute parents, we have to let them go. The circle at the furthest point on the page... Hopefully, we have instilled in them the spiritual disciplines and encouraged them according to James 1:22: "be doers of the word and not hearers only." Yet, remember, there will be times when they will call with questions, concerns, mistakes, or triumphs. We must keep speaking the truth in love, listening, and guiding, AND only advising when led by the Lord to do so.

We closed this week's and last week's points with letting go... can you tell what stage we are in with most of our children??? The reality is that all of us parents should be working to work ourselves out of a job. We will always be mom and dad, Mama and papa, you name it, but we should not always be parenting once our children have grown. If we make wise decisions as often as we can, then we can see God's hand working in their lives and know that at the end of our earthly lives, we will hear God says, "well done, good and faithful parent."

Thank you for joining us. We pray that the Lord blesses your holiday time honoring and celebrating Him in these coming weeks. Be blessed!

A role is defined as “the function assumed or part played by a person in a particular situation.” In psychology a role includes “a coherent set of behaviors expected of an individual in a specific position within a group or social setting.” Each of us has a role to play in our family unit. Some of us will fight those roles for various societal or selfish reasons, but as parents who have chosen to bring children into the world, we must take some time to think about our role in our kiddos’ lives.

Remember this essential truth - we do NOT own our kids. God does. The old adage “I brought you into this world so I can take you out” is fundamentally false and not biblical! GOD weaved our children together. HE brought them into this world, not us. As He states in Ezekiel 18:4, “Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine.” Five-minute parents, we are simply stewards of these precious blessings whom God has entrusted to us.

So, if we are stewards of our children for a select time because “[t]he earth and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, belong to the LORD” (Psalm 24:1), then we must adopt that thought of 3 John 1:4 that we will “have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

Now that we have established the core biblical belief that our children are God’s and not our own and the thoughts of focusing our time and efforts on seeing our children walk in His truth, let’s explore five of the primary set of behaviors that a godly parent should exhibit in his or her role.

As mentioned at the beginning, we do have to meet our children’s physical needs, just as 1 Timothy 5:8 points out, “But if anyone doesn’t provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Our selfish desires can hinder our provision for our family when we focus more on our own wants over our family’s wants. On the other side of that coin is that we can overprovide things that can spoil the child. We must meet needs as well as find the balance of meeting their wants.

Second, parents must remember that we have a responsibility to watch over our children’s emotional health as cautioned in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, don’t provoke your children so that they won’t be discouraged.” Encourage one another daily. There are numerous Bible passages that speak to encouragement. Think about how you can change your times of discouragement to encouragement, not false encouragement, but even when no encouragement is an option, work on constructive criticism out of a heart of love not tearing down.

Third, we must remember that raising our children will be a deeply emotional experience for ourselves as well, and we cannot let our emotions control our responses. Proverbs 10:1 points out that “A wise son makes a glad father; but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.” Biblical parents cannot teach and guide from grief and embarrassment. But, rather, we can bring God into the conversation as Deuteronomy 6:6-7a demonstrates, “these commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.” Point your children to Christ and not yourself.

Fourth, parents have a spiritual responsibility to their children. Ephesians 6:4 states, “Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Training and instruction in the Lord must be intentional and Christ-like.

And, fifth, we must realize that true biblical parenting means letting go. Helicopter and parachute parenting are all too common now, and even treating our young children even younger and less capable than they are is problematic. We can never lead our children to fulfill Genesis 2:24 - “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh“ - if we are trying to constantly control or hover over them.

Obviously, parenting is a multi-faceted job. But, it is a job that is a blessing in its role, purpose, and meaning. Invite God into the midst of your lives; parent from a heart to serve Him, and He will reveal relational blessings that you have only ever dreamed of. Be blessed!

We have discussed forgiveness before on the Five Minute Family, so why would we discuss it again? Well, because we continually wrong one another, and we need to be in the habit of offering grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Forgiveness is something we can continually work on and constantly need reminders and help in this area. So, why does forgiveness matter in your family?

When we are wronged, our desire is often to make the person pay for his or her mistake. However, a truly remorseful person will be in despair no matter what we try to do for revenge. For example, after being caught in his addiction to inappropriate images, a repentant husband was feeling the weight of the pain he had caused his wife and just like Paul in 2 Corinthians 1:8 said that he despaired of life itself. He even began thinking about how to plan for the provision of his family and provide for her financially through their insurance coverages, so that he wouldn’t have to see the betrayal pain in her eyes any longer. She shares, “God had led me to 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 passage years ago when his addiction was first revealed to me. When he shared that he was distressed to the point of committing suicide, which he had never even come close to indicating before, God brought these verses back to me. I knew I had to obey Him about forgiveness - for God, for myself, and for my family.”

2 Corinthians 2:5-11 “If anyone has caused pain, he has caused pain not so much to me but to some degree—not to exaggerate—to all of you. This punishment by the majority is sufficient for that person. As a result, you should instead forgive and comfort him. Otherwise, he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. I wrote for this purpose: to test your character to see if you are obedient in everything. Anyone you forgive, I do too. For what I have forgiven—if I have forgiven anything—it is for your benefit in the presence of Christ, so that we may not be taken advantage of by Satan. For we are not ignorant of his schemes.”

1. Verse seven not only tells us to forgive but to give our loved one comfort. Without our family member knowing that we care about their feelings despite the pain they have caused, we will be sinfully adding to their distress or grief.

2. Verse eight reminds us to reaffirm our love for our family member. We may not have warm fuzzies at this stage, but we can love them as one of God’s family.

3. Verse nine points out how we must live out our faith in obedience, and God tells us that we are to forgive those who wrong us. A special note here, please remember, as we have said before, forgiveness does not mean a full reconciliation without any new boundaries or changes needed in the relationship for everyone’s health and wellbeing.

4. Verse ten again sets out the importance of forgiveness in our own personal relationship with the Lord. Blessings abound for families that practice God’s forgiveness.

5. Verse eleven demonstrates that we families must always keep in mind that we are not to battle against one another, that there truly is a spiritual battle happening, and we need to trust God when one of us sins and needs forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a choice we make no matter what our feelings are. But, more than that, forgiveness is a command we are given by our Lord. We may have to work on new patterns, new habits, new relationships after the ramifications of sinful behavior, but forgiveness is necessary for the Christian family to demonstrate at all times. If you are having trouble, begin praying for God to help you. Do an internet search on Scripture that is about forgiveness, and then meditate day and night on God’s truth about forgiveness. He will guide you.

Plan a family time, not blast your family in the face with all out entertainment, but a time to disconnect from the craziness of life and connect with God as a family. Clear View Retreat is a great place to make that connection. Be blessed!

First, let’s define our terms. Reckless means ‘without thinking or caring about the consequences of an action.’ So, if we say that a person is reckless, we are saying they do not care that their behavior may have a dangerous or negative effect on someone. Abandon as a noun means a ‘complete lack of inhibition or restraint.’ If a person behaves with abandon, they have no inhibitions or restraint, which can be negative or positive. Combined, however, the phrase ‘reckless abandon’ - generally - leaves a much more positive impression. It is an idiom that the Free Dictionary defines as ‘to behave “with unrestrained impulsiveness, enthusiasm, or zeal.” Reckless abandon for our purposes is defined as “going into something wholeheartedly and with no concern for danger.”

Reckless abandon in following Christ is not a new concept. Spiritual giants such Oswald Chambers and Elisabeth Elliot spoke about reckless abandon. Oswald says that when “God comes… you must be determined to recklessly abandon yourself.” Elisabeth Elliot said it this way, “I have one desire now – to live a life of reckless abandon for the Lord, putting all my energy and strength into it.”

So, with that positive perspective in mind, let’s talk about how a family - your whole family - can follow Christ with reckless abandon.

1. Five-minute families must choose to exercise discipline in the spiritual practices. We have discussed these at length before, but for illustration purposes, here are two examples… Choose church attendance over not pushing yourselves (and the kiddos up and out the door). Now, that isn’t about LEGALISM! And, for the second example, begin praying together and separately for one another. Have a plan for each member of the family; the internet abounds with prayer plans you can download.

2. If your family can, begin weekly and then transition to daily devotionals together. If that seems too daunting, five-minute parents, begin by sharing pertinent Scripture with your kids as you go about your day. When a toddler whines about cleaning their toys out of the living room, ask why do we clean up our home? And, then give the answer as 1 Corinthians 14:40 “But all things must be done properly and in an orderly way.) When your preteens are picking on one another… Why are we kind? - Matthew 7:12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” When your teenager begins yelling, why do we learn to control our tempers? - Proverbs 16:32 “One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city”

3. STOP COMPARING YOURSELVES TO OTHER FAMILIES. This one is hard. A friend from our old church recently passed away. Her family was ‘all in’ for God. Her husband was a pastor, her son was a missionary, she taught amazing Bible lessons to the women of the church. Her family supported widows and orphans; she and her husband adopted three children. She was kind; she was always involved in church no matter how sick she got with an ongoing illness. She began homeschooling and then homesteading a little bit, she spoke of her parents with tender affection, she was well-liked, well-respected, and simply a joy to be around. I could go on, but the point is, I am not her. Jim is not her husband. Our boys are not her children. Our family is different than theirs. We cannot compare what God has allowed us to experience, learn, and be called into by what God is showing and doing in other families.

4. Recognize and embrace the differences in your family members. We ourselves have such distinctions from each other. Many families will refer to someone in the family as the “black sheep” (by the way, that is not racially related, it is because of the rarity of black wool on a sheep). No matter what you call the differences among you, do not measure yourselves against each other.

5. Remind yourself and your family often… Everything is always all about God. Colossians 3:11 ends in these six words, “Christ is all and in all.” We must look at him and not what is happening around us.

Look to God and not to the circumstances threatening to tear us apart. Don’t look at past mistakes you’ve made. Trust that God knew all of that would happen, and He does have a plan and purpose. If you are older without children in the home and you wonder how badly your mistakes have messed up your kids, STOP. Trust God. Share openly. In sincere, unconditional love share the truth of God’s ways. Live a life of reckless abandon NOW. Be blessed!

In the thought of marriage, let’s discuss - mostly in code to stay family friendly - Song of Songs. Song of Songs, or Song of Solomon as it is also known as, has an interesting interpretation history and even today’s commentaries are often multi-faceted in how to interpret, understand, and apply this eight-chapter book of the Bible.

One point of interest is that in the Jewish tradition, Song of Songs is followed by the book of Ruth, but in the Christian Bible, it is followed by Isaiah. The importance and interpretation influence where Bible scholars see this book fitting in the overall arch of what God is trying to share with His people, though both of those books point to the coming Christ.

Previous scholars have taken this book as an allegory of Christ and His bride, whereas the modern application of Song of Songs is straight-forward and taken on face value. These are love poems about two people who are falling in love and learning how to relate with one another within the gifts God gives us through the element of attraction. The great thing about God’s Word here is that as He teaches us His wisdom on waiting for physical intimacy, we learn many principles of self-control and righteousness, and ultimately, we will grow in the area of all the marital intimacies if we so choose.

But, ultimately, within the poetic narrative of the two people planning and getting married, we see five fundamental principles developed. Douglas O’Donnell in a commentary on The Gospel Coalition’s website states some of them this way, “Patience and purity before passion and pleasure is what [God’s wisdom] instructs.” Let’s explore those four elements and the component that divides them - the pledge of marital commitment.

1. Patience - 1 Thessalonians 4:4 demonstrates our need to have patience in waiting for marital connection - “that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor”

2. Purity - Psalm 119:9 directly states, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”

3. Pledge - The pledge of marriage is ordained in Genesis 2:24 - “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

4. Passion - Once married, God allows for marital connection such as 2 Samuel 12:24 - “David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in unto her, and lay with her: and she bare a son, and he called his name Solomon: and the Lord loved him.”

5. Pleasure - As Hebrews 13:4 instructs, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled.” We can find pleasure in the good gifts God gives in marriage.

God has a plan and purpose for each of us, and He created the gift of passionate marital intimacy. We must honor the Lord in all areas of our lives and this is no exception. If you and your spouse did not keep things on an honorable level, ask forgiveness from the Lord, from one another, and from yourself. Pray that the Lord will give you a greater understanding of His original plan, and then speak His truth in love and understanding to those in your family. Don’t let your past sins keep you from giving God glory for all that He redeems and accomplishes in the course of marriage. He uses marriage as His analogy for our relationship with Him for a reason, and we need to understand the family foundational relationship of marriage and its strength so greatly impacts our five-minute families.

Both internally and externally, a couple needs to show marital commitment throughout their lifetime as chapter eight verse six states, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.”

Please consider now joining us next year for a marriage enrichment retreat. Your marriage does not need to be in a difficult place to come. In fact, we encourage couples who are strong and growing closer in the marriages to come as well so that you do not give the enemy a foothold.

May God bless and keep you. May His face shine upon you. Be blessed!

Untilllll, I found Caesar salad. And I wouldn’t try any other salads for years after that. Then, out with my girlfriends from church one mom’s night out, I saw the fandango salad at Panera Bread - gorgonzola cheese (like blue cheese), mandarin oranges, field greens, romaine lettuce, walnuts, and raspberry vinaigrette. I had recently started liking mandarin oranges and blue cheese, so I decided to try. And, wow!

The thing about being a foodie means that I am always trying to find that perfect ingredient to enhance the other flavors of the foods on the plate. Just as salt reacts with the molecules of food, it changes them, causing parts of them to become airborne enhancing the aroma. Additionally, it can enhance or suppress, increases sweetness while decreasing bitterness in the certain concentrations. Matthew 5:13 says “You are the salt of the earth…” The trick is that we get to know the concentrations each family member or friend may need. You are to flavor and change the relationships around you in Christ. That means bringing the salt that enhance the sweet while suppressing the bitter. A recipe is a guide for cooking; the Bible is our guide for relating.

So, the thing about that fandango salad is - as one blogger says, “[It’s] Fresh greens with a little tang, a little sweetness, and a little crunch” making for a great salad. It is a combination of parts that don’t seem to fit together, but through the unifying factor of the raspberry vinaigrette, the ingredients become MORE than their individual parts. Just like salt, the unifying factor transforms parts from bitter or uninviting to sweet and pleasant.

Recently, our pastor used the “Jesus isn’t dressing” analogy to point out that we are not to use the Lord to cover up the unpalatable aspects of our sin, and he is correct if that is what we are doing. We do not want to COVER our sin; we want God to transform us. And, search your hearts, five minute families. You know that God made you unique and wonderful. He gave you gifts to use for your good AND his glory. He wants those gifts magnified to bring about the greater work of His kingdom.

So, back to the family foodie analogy… while we are on this earth, we will still do battle with our sinful nature. We will have bitter parts. But God can AND WILL transform us… He will remove the bitter as we become more and more like His son, so as we work together in our family, we can see the transforming aspect of Jesus, taking away the bitter and making us into something more amazing than we ever thought possible.

God describes our relationship with Him on familial terms, and He used familial terms for our larger biblical community as well. In fact, biblically, the most-used analogy for how God relates to us is family-based. Because, God knows that His family is more than the sum of its parts. We are transformed into something amazing with His son washing away the bitter parts and uniting us as a whole.

Table Talk summarized a few Bible verse family analogies this way:

Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:9 to address God in prayer as Father.

John 1:12–13 says that God gives believers in Jesus the right to become “children of God” and that they are “born . . . of God.”

Ephesians 1:5 teaches that God predestined us for “adoption to himself as sons” through Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:25–27 reminds us that Jesus relates to the church as a loving groom to his bride.

Hebrews 2:11 proclaims that Jesus is not ashamed to call us brothers.

Family members are diverse, unique, and different from one another by God’s design, and His plan for our reconciliation and unification as many parts of the whole is by the offering of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice. Let’s make sure that Jesus is in every taste of our family’s salad - a little tang, a little sweet, a little crunch, and so much more. Relationships takes practice much like cooking; let us help you explore your family recipe at Clear View Retreat. Be blessed!

We mistakenly told our older children when they hit dating ages not to date because that was the church movement of the time. Now, mind you, we had both dated folks when we were younger, and neither of us really knew how to guide our kiddos with the whole “not dating but still finding” a mate movement. This led to some problems… our older two boys’ first little girlfriends in middle school were kept secret from us. Of course, they only saw these young ladies at church or at our homeschool tutorial, but still, our boys felt that they could not be honest with us with what they were feeling or how to traverse this incredibly important area of life.

After our unsuccessful attempts at the “no dating, only courting” saga of the middle school years, we began again by simply having open dialogue with all of our kids about having feelings for someone else - how to protect a young lady’s heart, how to stay pure in this crazy world, and how to honor God in their relationships.

I remembered then visiting an old friend during college… her dad was running the church student group on the local college campus. While visiting with her there, I began teasing her about liking one of the guys in the Bible group. She said, “no. I mean, well, I did think I liked him, but after watching him a bit, I realized that we wouldn’t really suit each other.” I questioned the way she worded that and she pointed out how her parents encouraged her to be in prayerful observance of someone before she declared or demonstrated to the person that she liked him.

So, five minute families, we offer you the next five ideas to discuss with your dating age (or about to be dating age) children:

First, long before your child begins to say he or she likes someone, begin praying OUT LOUD for your child’s future dating partners. Then, when the time comes, encourage your child to pray fervently when he or she realizes that they like someone as more than just a friend. Just as we said a couple of weeks ago, don’t suggest the kiddo goes up and blurts out, “hey, I like you, date me.” Have them start by bringing their like to the Lord in prayer. Have them pray for eyes to see the person authentically - flaws and all. Have them pray that God will show them if the person is a true believer or not. Pray for wisdom on when to share their like with the other person.

Second, observe all those things thoughtfully. Encourage your child to ask a trusted friend or you their parent to observe with them. It can be observing the big things y’all are praying about but also the little things - how he eats, does she gossip, is he kind, who does she hang out with? As Proverbs 13:20, I Corinthians 15:33, and other verses point out, “A person's character is known by the kind of company he keeps.”

Third, begin spending time together by including others. Hang out in groups and with family members. Then, the group conversations can become more one-on-one; the group dates can become independent dates. Please note that group dating alone is not good because most of those conversations get interrupted or can stay very surface level.

Fourth, as the young couple spends more time together, accountability needs to be discussed. We have mentioned boundaries and God-honoring behaviors, but parents we cannot shy away from the accountability element in order to help our young people navigate these details.

And, finally, always keep forgiveness at the forefront… forgiveness when the dating child ignores or disrespects the family for the sake of their boyfriend or girlfriend, forgiving yourself if you didn’t teach them or define good boundaries beforehand, forgiving them if they make mistakes, which we all do. You get the picture.

God has a special someone out there for your child. Be mindful and prayerful about what He has in store for them. Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

Not knowing the full picture… That’s what dating is. This is week three in our dating series, and last week, we made a mistake - misspoke - about the definition we had wanted to give for the all-encompassing dating term. We stated, “So, let’s define what we call dating… basically, any type of meeting up -and interacting- for the purposes of getting to know someone in order to decide if you want to get married.” We mistakenly added the part at the end about deciding about wanting to get married. Our teens should not always be thinking about getting married. They SHOULD be thinking long-term as in what behaviors or characteristics do they find appealing to them, but the person they date in high school or college does not have to be the person they marry.

We point out our mistake because even though we knew the point we would be making this week, we still added it on without realizing we did it. Dating is NOT just spending time in order to decide if you want to marry THAT PARTICULAR PERSON. Some folks date when they know they have no intentions of marrying. Sometimes the person is too young to marry, sometimes the person has just gotten out of another relationship, sometimes he or she has never dated before and needs to meet and get to know a few people to truly see who God has in store for them as a lifetime marriage partner.

Five Minute Families, when we parents or our young people wrongly adopt the attitude that EVERY dating relationship should end in marriage, then we are asking for many complications and unnecessary difficulties. Because, unfortunately, some folks date with an “already married” mindset instead of a “dating” mindset.

Just as we discussed last week, we must all first learn how to relate. We must learn how to relate - not imitate - marriage. So, let’s go deeper into five more relating principles and how they apply differently in a dating relationship than a marital relationship.

First, we must have mutual respect of separate identities. While a married couple is biblically one and must make decisions based on that oneness, young dating couples must have a mutual respect for the individuality and unique plan God may have in store for them. For example, if two high school seniors are dating, and one plans to go to university in Washington state and the other plans to attend technical college, then both should be encouraged by their families and by each other to continue to pursue those goals. If God plans for these two young people to end up together, He will direct their paths back to one another.

Second, trustworthiness and honesty. Now, obviously, all relationships need trustworthiness and honesty. But, the depth that these go will look different while dating. If a young person isn’t certain about the future with their dating partner, it is ok to step out of the relationship without in depth explanations as to why. There is always honesty but the requirement to share deep details can actually be detrimental in a dating relationship where there is not yet a lifetime commitment.

Third, in the realm of fairness and equality, a married couple must make all efforts necessary to preserve and protect the sanctity of the marriage. In dating, a young couple needs to understand that freedom to speak with friends of the opposite gender and ability to do things that do not require checking in with your dating partner are both acceptable ways of relating. Each couple needs to apply that communication we mentioned last week to make sure that both partners feel the relationship is fair and equal.

Fourth, being supportive in a dating relationship, quite honestly, should not involve the same level of sacrifice that is required in a marital relationship. In marriage, sometimes there are big sacrifices to be made to keep the marriage together, to put food on the table, to get the kids the medical care they need. But, in dating, support should be in the form of cheering the person on in what goals and desires God is calling them to, again, just as before, even if that means the dating relationship does not last.

And, last but never least, the dating couple should be growing closer to the Lord - independently first and then together. In marriage, the couple as one must pray fervently for one another and consistently work together to engage in and deepen their Christ-connection -- to Him and to one another. Spiritual intimacy is one of the big four intimacies that married couples.

Thanks for joining us today, and join us next week as we close out our dating series. Be blessed!

We record the Five Minute Families for Christ-following families. We want others to be able to learn from it, but the reality is that without the Holy Spirit illuminating God’s Truth that we share, much that we discuss won’t make much sense. Unfortunately, many people throughout history and indeed in modern years, have taken Scripture out of context and applied rules and conditions to finding a life mate that just are not how God intended. Yet, because those things gave us step-by-step rules to follow, so many of us got caught up in different ways of dating.

God created us for relationships and He ordained the covenant of marriage. Thus, He must condone finding a mate. Some groups and cultures will arrange marriages with varying degrees of the married parties’ involvement. Still, in most cultures we know and reach, each person will choice his or her own life mate.

So, let’s define out we call dating… basically, any type of meeting up -and interacting- for the purposes of getting to know someone in order to decide if you want to get married. That’s means we are including group get-togethers, courting, one-on-one outings, and everything in between when we refer to dating.

But, more than dating, every single person - at any age - should be focused on relating well with everyone, not just one person of interest. Being especially mindful to relate well when you like someone matters.

Five-minute families, if we want our children to relate well, date well, and marry well, then we must train them up (and work on ourselves, too) in the following five areas of relating:

1. One-anothering. “The Golden Rule” says in Matthew 7:12 “Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” If we want encouragement, love, affection, sympathy, and more, we must be willing to give those things to others.

2. Boundaries. Yes, boundaries are necessary in relating well and thus in a dating relationship. While Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's BURDENS, Galatians 6:5 reminds us that we “each will have to bear his own LOAD.” We each have those areas that we must tackle and address ourselves - our load, but we each have areas wherein we need to help each other - our burdens. Boundaries are biblical in EVERY relationship not just with our neighbors as Proverbs 25:17 illustrates so well.

3. Goals. Each relationship needs a common set of goals, and as those relationships are developing and we do not yet have specific goals, we must keep in mind the generalized ones from Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” And from Ephesians 4:2-3 “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

4. Communication. When we want to begin dating someone, we do not need to just blurt out, “hey, I like you. Date me.” Ephesians 4:29 tells us that “No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” Each new relating - slash - dating relationship needs to build a positive communication pattern, and that will take time in grace and encouragement.

5. Reconciliation. All relationships, even quick interactions with strangers, may require reconciliation, so definitely in growing relationships, we must remember Matthew 5:22-24 “But I tell you, everyone who is angry with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment... First go and be reconciled with your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” We must be willing to see how others affect us and practice God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness freely.

God gives us many great verses about relating, but these are five areas that singles should keep in mind in a dating relationship.

Thanks for joining us, and don’t miss next week as we continue to discuss dating. Be blessed!

Dating is a massive topic, and as we discussed this series, we realized that there are general areas for conversation and some needed specific areas of conversation. Today, we will address a very specific issue that not all dating couples will deal with, but because it was brought to our attention, we would like to start with it. This intro will touch on some of the points that we will detail out in the coming weeks, but if you have something that jumps out at you, please comment on our facebook page or send us an email. You can find either link at the top on our website clearviewretreat.org. Let’s dive in.

Most of us do not meet someone, fall in love, and get married in three weeks. Dating is for the purpose of FINDING the proper mate, not MOLDING a specific person INTO the proper mate. Only God can do the necessary molding for a good and godly mate. Spending time with peers, whether in group settings or dating, allows a single person to get to know characteristics and behaviors that become non-negotiable needs or dislikes for their forever relationships.

Many young ladies I have known, myself included, feel that when they are (or were) dating, she is intentionally spending time with that person in order to marry him, not just to see if she WANTS to marry HIM specifically.

With this mindset, if a dating couple encounters a major problem, it MUST be worked through and overcome as a MARRIAGE requires instead of realizing that this is a DATING relationship that might not be the forever relationship that God has planned. I have heard several people say in their dating relationships, “His heart doesn’t match his behavior” referring to the differences in how the dating partner behaves in private versus how he behaves in public. For many of those folks, it causes numerous problems and divisions from friends and family members.

Please note, that if your significant other behaves badly in private and behaves well in public, that is require a vastly different conversation than we are having here now. We will discuss this more in coming weeks.

Today, we are talking about when you or someone you love, such as one of your teen or young adult children, says that their boyfriend or girlfriend’s behavior in public which is obnoxious or rude or disrespectful or crass behavior, you get the idea - is not the same as his or her behavior in private wherein he or she is kind, gentle, and caring - especially when it is just the two of them together - thus the statement, “their heart doesn’t match their behavior.”

That statement is simply not biblically true because God is not a liar. This is a hard chat to have with someone in love, but God’s word says in Matthew 12:34 “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

We all want to be in denial that our worst behaviors are somehow NOT reflective of our inner heart’s attitude, but reality is that those bad behaviors reveal SOMETHING about us. Note, this is not to say that our bad behaviors reveal we are bad people or that someone in a dating relationship with this issue must immediately stop seeing the other person. However, our behaviors do, indeed, reveal something that is going on in our hearts, and when we are interacting with those in dating relationships, we five-minute families must speak God’s truth in love.

Reasons abound for why there may be a discrepancy in someone’s public and private behavior. The most obvious one is that our first thoughts are not often the God thoughts we will come to if we take time to pray, meditate, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us. So, if we let those first thoughts come out of our mouths before taking them to the Lord, it often isn’t pretty.

Other reasons for good private & bad public behavior incongruity include:

Mental health issues such as anxiety, especially if these mental health issues are not yet diagnosed.

A trauma response. A past trauma experience can be subconsciously brought to mind by a smell, sound, or other stimulus, so we often do not know why a bad behavior is coming out in what may be an otherwise benign situation.

A false belief. We have discussed before false beliefs affecting our thoughts which in turn then control our behaviors. It is hard to weed out false beliefs at times, and it requires self-awareness and introspection.

Lying about one behavior or the other. Some people are duplicitous. They are liars and manipulators. So, even though private behavior is positive at this point, it could still be indicative of a person who is double minded.

And, lastly, immaturity - including, the immature, attention-seeking mentality that even negative attention puts the person in the spotlight and is better than no attention.

If you or someone you know is in ANY type of relationship with this public/private discrepancy, begin praying and asking God to reveal the cause and to bring healing, so that the fruit of the spirit will fill and overflow from that person’s heart.

Thank you for joining us. Be blessed!

Why would this be a discussion for a Christian family? Well, unfortunately, there are people out there who do not recognize the importance of mental health and mental health issues. God commands us to love one another. He encourages us to encourage one another. He loves us through the difficult times as an example of how we are to love one another through tough times. Many websites have specific ways family members can help or simply cope with a loved ones anxiety. Please remember that your family member with anxiety does not want to experience the rapid heart rate, constant overthinking, possible nausea, sweating, and difficulty concentrating, to name just a few of the symptoms.

A blog at calm.com has numerous tips. These are the five we felt were of the highest priority and why.

1. Listen deeply and compassionately. James 1:19 tells us to “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” When we are listening to a loved one with anxiety, we need to practice being fully present, not merely trying to think of how we may respond, especially if we have been thinking about ways to correct their faulty thinking.

2. Be aware of your impact on your loved one. Your family member is facing an inner, constant bully and they are likely constantly telling themselves that they are always a burden. Reminding them that you enjoy being with them, even when they are anxious, can mean more than you can possibly imagine. One thing that the blog pointed out that is a very practical matter is that if you are going to be late or change the plans, you must realize that your anxious family member will need a quick explanation in order to avoid unnecessary hurt or worry. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to “encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

3. Check in regularly. Put another way, be willing to ask, “are you feeling anxious right now?” followed up by, “is there something I can do to help?” Sometimes, the person saddled with anxiety has behaviors that are pre-cursors, and by helping them work through the difficult moments, you can be a part of the solution. That solution may be a simple acknowledgment that it is ok that they are having a rough time or it could be to suggest that it would be ok for them to step away either alone or with you, depending on the circumstances. 1 Corinthians 12:26 admonishes us to remember that “if one member suffers, all suffer together.”

4. Let the anxiety be. As a secondary point to checking in and recognizing the anxious moment, realize, too, that it might not be a good moment to try to talk them out of their feelings. Let your loved one with anxiety know that you know this isn’t something he or she is choosing and that while you may not understand their feeling fully, you are a safe person to talk to about the anxiety. Take a moment to silently pray along the lines of John 16:33 that your anxious loved one will have peace, that though in this world we will have tribulations, God will help our hearts overcome.”

5. And, finally, even with all that, remember to hold your own boundaries. You must take care of yourself as you try to minister to one another. Just as keeping them informed with changes, communicate your need for a breather or a time alone, but remember to set a time in the future for your anxious loved one to know that you guys will reconnect. As we have mentioned before, Matthew 22:39 tells us to “love our neighbors as ourselves” which means that we are absolutely supposed to take care of ourselves and put healthy limits in place.

If you or a family member is struggling with anxiety or any mental health issue or even a difficult moment in life, please reach out to your pastor, a mentor, a trusted, godly confidante, or counselor. God wants us to walk through this life with one another, helping one another, guiding and building one another up. Please don’t try to be a “lone ranger” Christian, especially if you are having problems.

Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

I can still hear that song run through my mind. It came to my recall earlier this week when I was doing research for marketing the retreat. Marketing is not in my natural gifting, so I do lots of research of it. Another retreat I can across had the statement “We all need a place to unplug, unwind and seek God” prominent on its home page. Seek God. Seek means ‘to go in search of’ something.

If we are to seek God well, how exactly are we supposed to do that? Any type of search has steps… how to conduct a google search is not the same as how to conduct a geocache search. How to search for a lost dog will not look anything like how to search for your career options. Yet, what are the elements that make a good search? Being specific, being thorough, having relevance, for the searcher to be open to suggestions, and having a valuable resource are but a few of the elements of a good search.

When I first started looking into seeking God as a concept or teachable moment, I simply saw a bunch of verses or paraphrases such as

1 Chronicles 22:19 Now set your mind and heart to seek the Lord your God.

Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God

or Isaiah 55:6-7 Seek the Lord while he may be found

Those parts of those verses are great but they are not specific or thorough. You know, one of our sons has to have very detailed instructions for every task we give him. While the concept of something may be well know, the steps to achieve are not always so easily discernible. Each verse includes a touch more about seeking within the verse itself or the context of where the verse is found. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” And in Isaiah 55:6-7 “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.”

Jeremiah 29:13 illuminates a bit of the start of the actual process of seeking God for someone who is struggling to get started: “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Just like in food dieting, one must be “all in” with no cheat days to achieve a lasting belief change about food.

But, still, for those who find comfort in a process, though we all know God can work in and through us in ANY way He sees fit, we found that a “seeking God process” is most easily identifiable in 2 Chronicles 7:14 and Lamentations 3:40.

Lamentations 3:40 Let us test and examine our ways, and return to the Lord!

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Five minute families, if we are to seek God, we must:

1. Examine ourselves - where are you… honestly!

2. Humble ourselves - if you have been putting ANYTHING or ANYONE before God, take your focus off yourself

3. Pray - call out to the Lord even if you think you don’t know how to pray. Just speak out loud to God what is on your mind and ask for His guidance.

4. Seek HIS FACE - This one sounds redundant, but in 2 Chronicles seeking God specifically mentions seeking His face. The only way to truly see God for who He is is to study his Word.

5. And, finally, as both verses mention, it is time to turn or return to God which means it is time to repent and confess.

Each step can have many nuanced phases within it and God may guide you and your family to seek Him through worship, study, giving, serving, and more. This “seeking God” process is not exhaustive, but it is meant to kick start your personal or your family’s desire to earnestly seek God in all things.

Prayerfully, this ‘seeking God’ process can get you thinking in the right direction - which is God’s direction. Remember, there is only one truth and that truth is 100% God’s perspective of His creation. Be blessed!

Wait right there, mister! We are not going for complex and boring! Five Minute Family is to help families understand God’s word and teachings.

Yes, that is true. Often we hear big words and concepts and want to know what their meaning, but we may not know how to learn them, let alone teach them to our families. We must realize that things like systematic theology (one of those big words) is not just for pastors. It is for families, too. I have heard about parents putting together in-depth presentations, having their children sit through hour long, or longer, lectures. Is that a reality for most of us? No, I don’t think so, though it could be a good thing depending on family members’ ages and learning styles.

So, that’s a big introduction to say that we will try to tackle deeper theological topics and make them easy for families to think about and discuss. Scott Swain states, “theology is wisdom about God and all things in relation to God.” Wow, that can be quite in-depth. So, where do we start?

Let’s start with the theology of how God makes Himself known to His creation. Revelation is our big concept for today. It’s simply how God shows Himself. We like to say that “God likes to show up and show off” and we can see this and discuss this in several ways: His character, His creation, His actions, His words, and His son

Character - the amazing creator of the universe is also a loving and caring God who reveals Himself through a personal relationship with the universe. Bob Kellemen loved to say, “Even before God created, He related.” That speaks of the concept we call the trinity: The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (more about those three in a future FMF episode). Within God’s character we see that he is able to relate, able to think, able to choose, able to feel, and able to be present in physical form. And as Genesis 1:27 says, we are created in His image. God is not an abstract man-made concept or an impersonal force in the universe we manipulate for our own agenda. We can talk with him, stand in awe, and humble ourselves before Him.

Creation - Nature reveals the glory of God. What awestruck wonder is found when we look at the world around us. Take your family for a walk through the woods or visit a zoo. The variety of plants, trees, bushes, flowers, and even what we would call weeds are amazing in their differences. Animals from the sky to the seas and on lands and rivers, birds, bears and bees, oh wow! Psalm 19:1-2 says “The heavens declare the glory of God and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech and night to night reveals knowledge.”

Actions - Just like Psalm 19 talked about the day and night, we see evidence of God designing events to show His nature - from the changing of seasons within the year to specific actions like “the flood,” the “exodus,” the “crucifixion” and many other real historical events. These point to God’s story throughout history allowing us to see Him show up and show off.

Words - God’s words - collected together in what we call the Bible or Scripture - were written by men, 40 diverse personalities and styles. And, not just a dictation of what God was saying, but rather an inspiration to His truths, an amazing message that in itself can be labeled an intentional creation. 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us that “all Scripture is breathed out by God.” The Bible is not a text book with chapters or topical studies, and yet it still captures everything God intended for us to know. It is the source that we study for our theology. It is our privilege to search the depths of Scripture and share them with our families.

Jesus Christ - He is the ultimate realization and demonstration of God. Fully man and fully God, sent by the Father to fulfill His plans of saving us, which was thought of and planned out since the beginning of time. He embodies love, grace, mercy, forgiveness… this list could continue until the end of time.

More “big word” discussion starters will follow in our Five Minute Family devotional times, not necessarily together as a big package, but often in between the series that we often provide. If you have a desire to hear us talk about a certain theological topic, connect with us as you Google Clear View Retreat. Be blessed.

Maybe you are a teen parent, still needing to grow up yourself. Maybe you are a confused young adult who wasn’t sure you even wanted children. Maybe you are in a difficult marriage and children have further complicated communication and compromise.

No matter where you started or are on in your parenting journey, reality is that some stages of parenting are harder than others. Some folks think they are good with babies but not able to parent teens well. Others are the opposite.

And, no matter where you fall on the spectrum of natural parenting abilities or stages of child development that interest you more, God will see you through these parenting days if you will let Him.

Children are referred to as a blessing in the word of God; Psalm 127:3 states that they are a heritage from the Lord. Thus, if God has blessed you with a child, He has called you to be a good and godly parent, AND HE WILL EQUIP YOU TO DO SO. Joining the subject and verb of Hebrews 13 verses 20 and 21, we see that “the God of peace…equips us with everything good to do his will.”

So, how will God equip us parents?

2 Timothy 3:16-17 states, “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Just as we see in 2 Timothy, God uses Scripture to equip us. That means, five minute parents, to become good parents in the biblical sense, we must allow God’s Word to saturate our entire lives. We parents must carve out time for:

1. Personal Bible reading. One of our old pastors stated it this way, “The biggest transformer of a life is reading God’s word daily.”

2. Bible study which can be in the form of Sunday school, videos, organized lectures, or even commentaries and other books about the Bible

3. Corporate bible learning such as sermons or other lectures

4. Small group discussions - In Exodus 4:10-12 Moses shares with God how he does not feel equipped to follow God’s leading. God replies that he will help him speak and teach him what to say. Moses STILL asks God to send someone else! Parents do not have the luxury of tapping out of parenting completely, but just as God sent Aaron to be Moses’s spokesperson, we can engage in biblical community to know that others will speak God’s truth to our children when we do not understand the needed biblical truth or

5. Scripture-inspired music - Be careful to not go with just music that makes you feel good. Choose music that is filled with Scripture that helps you learn more of God’s word.

God speaks to parents throughout his Word with examples of guidance and leadership but also with specific Scriptural instruction:

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Hebrews 12:7-11 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

We challenge you today to begin to apply the five areas of getting into God’s word and to commit to memory at least one verse that can become your parenting motto.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

I remember when the boys were little, and life was all about diapers and food and toys and diapers and food and naps and, well, you get the idea. There was no room to “do” anything for the Lord because all my time was eaten up doing things for my children and my household. I wanted God to use me for more than just goldfish and diaper blow-outs. However, through my time of serving my family, God was working THROUGH me to reach them.

And, He continues to work THROUGH each and every one who calls him their Lord and Savior. As 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 illustrates, God reconciles us to himself: “Everything is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and has given us the ministry of reconciliation. That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and he has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, since God is making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, ‘Be reconciled to God.’” Since God reconciled us, we can now be ambassadors. Have you ever thought of what it means to be an ambassador? We are God’s OFFICIAL representative to the world.

Secondly, as His ambassadors, He will reveal Himself to others through us. As Paul states in Galatians 1:16 that God called him by grace “to reveal his Son in me, so that I could preach him among the Gentiles.” And again in Romans 11:13, Paul says, “Now I am speaking to you Gentiles. Inasmuch then as I am an apostle to the Gentiles, I magnify my ministry.”

Next, we see that God will bear fruit THROUGH us. Colossians 1:10 reminds us that we are filled with His wisdom and spiritual understanding so that we “may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God.” 2 Peter 1:2-3 puts it this way, “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.”

The amazing thing about God is that He chooses to include us in what He does. He will minister THROUGH us with the Holy Spirit guiding us as 2 Corinthians 3:6 shows: “He has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” And, Romans 8:2 “For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.”

And, finally, we must remember that God will do his own pleasure through us; we cannot let our selfishness or personal desires guide us. Philippians 2:3 reminds us to “[d]o nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.” Likewise, in James 4:10, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

Let’s run through the fifteen points we have covered in the past three weeks.

What is God able to do FOR us?

He saves us,

delivers us,

protects us,

makes us stand, and

raises us.

What is God able to do IN us?

He fills us,

dwells IN us,

places IN us incredible strength,

works IN us, and

builds IN us.

What is God able to do THROUGH us?

God will reconcile others THROUGH us,

He will reveal Himself THROUGH us,

He will bear fruit THROUGH us,

He will minister to others THROUGH us, and

He will do His own pleasure THROUGH us.

Those fifteen things are but a fraction of what God is capable of. Does your family ever take a few moments to remember and celebrate the strength and power of our Lord? Take time to rest in Him, learn through Him, and live your lives for Him.

We do thank you for joining us this morning, and please check us out at clearviewretreat.org for more information about our ministry. Be blessed!

As 1 Corinthians 12 points out, God gives us spiritual gifts to use for the good of one another. A family can be filled with so many different personalities and interests that sometimes it can be hard to see what God is doing IN each one of us. We may easily see the giftedness of our family members but struggle to see what gift God has given us or where God wants us to use that gift.

Just as spiritual gifts are real, and one person’s giftedness may be overwhelmingly obvious, it is also true that there are blessings and gifts that God gives to each and every one of us as His children. Just as we encouraged you last week, please listen to the many verses we are about to share, then choose one and spend time in meditation, prayer, and study learning about that one aspect of what God is able to do IN us. Follow up that personal time of learning, by sharing with your family what God revealed to you. As a family, you could even each choose a different verse, and during your next family devotional, have each family member share together.

Each of us is able because God fills us through the fullness of His son Jesus Christ. In Colossians 1:19 we read “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him.” And in Ephesians 4:10 - “He [Jesus] who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.”

That filling means that the Holy Spirit dwells in us, and, thus, God helps us to overcome temptation. Hebrews 2:18 says, “For since he himself has suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted.” And 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that “no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

God’s places in us incredible strength. As the world may fall around us, we must remember the words of Isaiah 41:10 - “fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” When we remember that God is in us, we can speak as Paul did in 1 Timothy 1:12 - “I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service.”

Because God gives us His strength, He is able to work IN us. He equips us just as Hebrews 13:21 points out - “May God… equip you with everything good to do his will, working in us what is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever.” Likewise, we do not have to fret about anything He calls us to work in because just as Ephesians 2:10 states, “we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Now, taking in those first four points of what God is able to do IN us… let’s pause for a minute and think about how many of us have uttered the words “if I win the lottery, I am going to build a fabulous house with a movie theater, indoor pool, large game room,…”? You get the point. What an amazing inheritance we would be able to leave our children if we won the 450 million lottery! But, five minute families, how often do we pause to remember the inheritance that God has ALREADY GIVEN us? AND, how that inheritance will help us to “build” the abundant life He desires for us. Acts 20:32 reminds us “I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you an inheritance among all who are sanctified.” And Ephesians 1:18 also states, “having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.”

We have a rich inheritance and can have an abundant earthly life no matter what is happening in our lives or in our family circumstances. When we pause to remember that God is able -- and not only is He able; he DOES -- we can more greatly appreciate what God is able to do in us and our families. May you be blessed to know that God is doing a good work in you and your family. Be blessed!

Do you know what God is able to do FOR you? God calls brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers to share with one another the encouragement and truth He reveals to each one of us. We are not walking through this earthly life alone. As we share numerous verses over the next few minutes, please choose one to explore more deeply with your family.

God gives us His strength. In Colossians 1:29 Paul reminds us that he labored to present everyone mature in Christ only by striving with God’s strength that works powerfully in us. Without Christ and the Holy Spirit, everything a believer does is without purpose. We must remember that all the actions we take for God are only to bring Him glory AND those actions are only fruitful because HE is doing mighty work. We are merely His vessels for the moment. Family life is a great example of leaning on His power in order to shine the light of truth in each other’s lives.

We see this again and again in Scripture, including Ephesians 3:20, “Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us.”

So, with those verses in mind, what really is God able to do FOR us?

Of utmost importance is that He and He alone saves us. Hebrews 7:25 “Therefore, he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, since he always lives to intercede for them.” We cannot be good enough, we cannot repent enough, we cannot follow the law closely enough to be worthy of salvation, but God saved us. He did this FOR us because He loves us.

We must remember that God will always deliver us just as he delivered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. In Daniel 3:17 we read, “If the God we serve exists, then he can rescue us from the furnace of blazing fire, and he can rescue us from the power of you, the king.” Now, we must also remember that not all of God’s deliverance is supernatural in the fiery furnace way, nor does he always keep us from experiencing the pain from the sins of others. However, when we trust Him for deliverance, we must also trust his choice of method of deliverance as well.

God is able to protect us. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 states it this way, “But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one.”

The 24th verse of the book of Jude speaks not only about God’s ability to protect us but also that He will present us faultless - “Now to him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of his glory, without blemish and with great joy…”

God is able to do so much more than we can even fathom. We forget that He will raise us at the appointed time just as John 11:25 demonstrates: “Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.” Abraham knew that God was capable of such which is why Hebrews 11:19 points that out and reveals that Abraham knew he would receive Isaac back - either literally or figuratively.

There are so many more than just five things that God is able to do FOR us. One of those is that He satisfies us. 2 Corinthians 9:8 - “And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.” God wants us to live abundant lives now, here on earth and he wants us to have a foretaste of the amazing glory we will walk in for eternity with Him.

We ask again… Do you know what God is able to do FOR you? Do you know what he is able to do FOR your family? Do you believe that He will? Do you share with your family members verses of truth He reveals to you, helping them to see how much we can fully trust and rely on our sweet Lord and Savior? Five Minute families, we challenge you take a moment to look up even just one of the verses we shared. Ask God to speak to you through his holy spirit; ask him to give you the words to share His amazing grace, mercy, and forgiveness with your loved ones.

Live abundantly in God’s word today. Be blessed!

I don’t know about y’all but the summer break time has totally gotten away from me. One of our sons stayed up until 4:15 the other morning! I find myself struggling to get the kids in a routine when I feel I have so much work to do. Summer time is the busiest here at Clear View Retreat, but I don’t want my kids to suffer during a busy season for myself. As a parent, my ministry to my family is my primary ministry.

Structure is a good thing - 1 Corinthians 14:40 tells us that. However, we do not want to become legalistic about our days. I have known many families that believe that getting the whole household up by a certain early morning time is vital to good outcomes. I have also known families that stay up until all hours - not answering the door or phones, or schedule anything at all until after twelve noon, and they are quite productive as well. Our society values the early risers over the night owls, but I don’t think that that is what God is trying to dictate a specific time when he says, “In the morning” about prayer, meeting with others, arising, etc. I think he is referring more to the idea that we seek him first upon wakening. Otherwise, what about the people who work second or third shifts. Are they sinning because they do not arise at 6 am and pray? Now, if the parents are early risers and you want a family culture of rising early, feel free, but don’t be judgmental if another family chooses otherwise.

So, we are not talking about a schedule here. We are looking at a summer routine, parts of which you may be able to take into fall with you. Luke 4:16 says “And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up. And as was his custom, he went to the synagogue on the Sabbath day, and he stood up to read.”

1. Work on discipline, no matter what you or the fam’s motivation level is. Motivation versus discipline can be seen here in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” Self-discipline isn’t a feeling; it is an action. Even the smallest steps forward will help you gain momentum and get to where you want to go, just like five minutes a day can snowball into a lifestyle change for you, our Five Minute Families.

2. Break the day into sections. Morning, afternoon, and evening are the simplest three. Remember even Deuteronomy 6:7 while encouraging us to talk about God at any and every moment we can, still breaks the day into parts in its description, “Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” So, breaking the day into parts makes sense for our summer routine, too, but maintaining a purpose and goal is vital as well.

3. Figure out what is the most important DAILY activity for you and the family … is it devotional time, reading time, or chore time? Focus there. Of course, your one thing may be part of a bigger routine, but as you are getting started this summer, or when a day falls apart, bring your focus and discipline to the MOST important part of the routine instead of kicking yourself for not getting it all done.

4. Include the kids if possible in making the summer routine. I would love to get into the habit of walking as part of my morning routine, and I want to include one of my boys so that we can have one-on-one time. But, demanding one of my boys come with me or asking the night owl would be setting us up for failure.

5. Include fun times!!! Don’t become so goal-oriented that you lose sight of the ultimate prize - time with your family as you honor the Lord together. As time allows, pick some odd, random things the family wants to do, and make sure you include them in the overall rest-of-summer plan.

Thank you for joining us this morning, and please join us next week when we begin a three-part series looking at what God is able to do FOR us, what God is able to do IN us, and what God is able to do THROUGH us. Have a great week! Be blessed!

Psalm 1 is a great place to start in looking at what we are wanting to encourage in this session. Verse 1 reads: How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners nor sit in the seat of scoffers. The blessing and encouragement out of the verse is the NOT… In sin, a person progresses from walking, standing, and then sitting - from movement to not only stillness but becoming comfortable in a place we shouldn’t be.

Along with movement we see another progression from wicked to sinners to scoffers. That one is not as obvious as walking, standing, or sitting because we can relate easily with those things and know when we are doing those activities. Walking with the wicked, standing with sinners or sitting with scoffers is not always a full jump deep into sin. Casting Crowns has a song, Slow Fade, which covers this idea perfectly. We often don’t even realize how far off the path of righteousness we may have gotten until we are confronted with the truth and see that we are not where we should be.

Many decisions are placed before us daily. Here in Psalm 1 is life and death, blessings and curses - the right way which leads to holiness and prosperity and the wrong way which leads to misery and ruin. Of course, daily life often does not seem like such major decisions. Life is simple right, when to wake up, what to eat, where to work and things like that. But we can easily get comfortable in the mundane. We can start walking with the world and share its views. And before we know it, we will be standing right next to sinners and even sitting with the scoffers… and who are they scoffing at? They are scoffing at those who practice righteousness.

How does this apply to family and relationships? We see in Ephesians 5:1-2: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” Let’s break that verse down into parts.

1. Be imitators of God. That sounds like a very tall order, but we should know that God as described in Philippians 1:6 began the good work and will also complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. It means we seek Him and His truth, preparing our hearts for transformation into His likeness. Be imitators of God to your family. Show grace, give mercy, seek and grant forgiveness.

2. Recognize our position as Children of God. We are not simply trying to appease some unknown, unloving, uncaring God but are coming to God as His child. We know that He gives good things to those who know Him. Not money or cars or houses, but blessings that encourage us to resist temptations that take us off the path. Speak this truth into your family. Help them see that in Christ we have been adopted into His family as beloved children.

3. Walk in love the same as Christ. Here we see a return to walking but this time in the positive. This is intentional walking. Not just going out for a scenic hike or walk around the block for exercise, but one that stays on the path of righteousness and seeks the face of God.

4. Prepare for a sacrifice of -what we call- our flesh. Christ gave himself up for us and we can reflect Him by giving up our selfish desires for others. Jesus taught that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Galatians 5 shows us that through our love for others we gain freedom. We are no longer captive to our desires but are free to love like Christ.

5. Bring God glory as Christ was a fragrant offering. In the Old Testament those acts of sacrifice and offering brought forth a pleasing aroma to the nostrils of God. He planned from the beginning that such an act pointed to the same sacrifice that Christ did for us. His selflessness brought our salvation. We can build up our families through our giving of ourselves for others.

Our prayer is that as you seek to love your family, you will walk in the truth and admonition of the Lord. We know that this is often not an easy task, and there is a process of growth that needs to take place. Clear View Retreat can be a partner in that journey as we walk with you and your family. Be blessed.

Today, we are diving into the ‘gift of purpose’ that marriage brings. We are not talking about the biblical purpose of marriage but about the ‘gift of purpose’ a married couple who puts God first will enjoy.

Let’s start with a question taken from the Westminster catechism. To clarify, the Westminster catechism is a summary of the principles of the Christian religion in the form of questions and answers. So, the first question is ‘what is the chief end of man?’ And, the answer is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever. Psalm 138:8 reminds us that “[t]he Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Again, God created each of us for a purpose.

And, thus, each marriage has a unique purpose in the kingdom of God. A married couple must have intentionality in their actions and activities. Just like Ephesians 2:10 indicates, each couple will have a unique purpose in advancing God’s kingdom. “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” God doesn’t just have a purpose for marriage in general, but He has a specific purpose for your marriage as His gift for you to enjoy.

We know couples that go on short-term missions trips together one week a year. Other couples that work on their church’s VBS together, even if they don’t have kids in the elementary age-group. We know couples who teach pre-marital classes at their church, leaving the pastor available for the counseling portion. One couple devoted their lives to serving in the church such that when one was needed on a fulltime volunteer basis for his church’s production team, his wife got a different full time job to support the family until the church was able to hire him on.

And, not every couple will be involved in organized “Christian” ministries but they will share the mission-mindedness God encourages all believers. One couple chooses to carry an extra $20 bill in their pockets at all times and share them as the Holy Spirit leads and then share the stories with one another. We have known couples volunteer to coach sports in order to be a Christian influence in the children’s lives; one member of the couple may have the sports skill, but the support of the other with time, snacks, and cheering can matter just as much. One couple began hosting the local football team for a meal before the local game. They made sure that anyone who needed a ride had one and that the fellowship was lighthearted. The kids began asking more questions, and outside football season would sometimes ask to get together to pray.

If you are unsure of God’s purpose for your marriage, you can review together five areas John MacArthur outlines that are explicitly mentioned in the Bible about what God’s will or plan for us is. Those five things are:

1. To be saved,

2. to be Spirit-filled,

3. to be sanctified,

4. to be submissive to one another,

5. and to be willing to suffer for the sake of the Lord

As Dr. Macarthur states, “If you’re saved, Spirit-filled, sanctified, submissive, suffering, and thankful – do whatever you want.” Obviously, he is not referring to sinful behavior but to behavior that pours out of those five areas God outlines that you do as His followers. If one of you is not there yet in these explicit areas of God’s will, then the spouse’s responsibility is to be praying for the other and listening quietly to the Holy Spirit’s leading as you work together to find purpose. If as a couple you work individually and together to seek God’s will or purpose, then He will show you. You might need to focus solely on yourselves as a couple or your family to grow closer to God through family discipleship and biblical community studies. There is a time for absorbing God’s Word before we head out to share it with others.

By the way, for more details about those you can go to the ‘Grace to You’ website, or check out ours for a link. https://www.gty.org/library/sermons-library/80-310

Marriage takes work. It takes intentional intimacy. Marriage provides so many sweet gifts that we will appreciate all the more when we understand the depth of God’s love and perspective of our spouses.

May He guide you in finding and pursuing the purpose he has for you and your spouse, and may you see all the joys marriage provides.

Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

Passion is often thought of in one of two ways… an intense emotion or a strong physical relationship. The dictionary definition includes a strong liking or desire as well as defining passion as an object of love, liking, or desire. Examples include ‘She told the story with passion,’ ‘Learning is my passion,’ or ‘He has passion for sports.’

In marriage, passion is, as Hatfield defined it, “an intense longing for union with another.” The feeling of passion often seems more powerful at the beginning of a relationship. We are enthusiastic to get to know one another, and we will sometimes feign interest in areas that we are not actually interested in. We must remember though that the emotional side of passion is just as fleeting and fickle as any emotion. Passion requires that we intentionally choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy one another just as we choose to learn, experiment, and enjoy hobbies or other interests.

A divorced man once said, “If I had just sat down and had a cup of morning coffee with my ex-wife like she repeatedly but kindly asked, we might still be married today. So, be sure to find your cup of coffee with your spouse.” My husband and I have had many “coffees” over the years… a sip of his latte (which I despised at the time), learning to play cribbage, watching cooking shows, and more.

So, let’s briefly discuss five thought patterns to adopt to maintain or rebuild passion in your marriage.

First, we must be willing to learn something new together. Sometimes, a husband has his hobbies, and a wife has hers. And, there is nothing wrong with having things you do separately. Still, to improve the passion in your marriage, find something to learn and ENJOY together. This is NOT about forcing one another to do what the other likes. You can try stepping into your spouse’s personal passion, of course, but if you aren’t drawn to that area, then you should be honest and keep looking.

And, that brings us to our next point… You gotta have enthusiasm about trying new things. You don’t have to fake it, but you do need to be enthusiastic for at least the possibly rebirth or deepening of your relationship. You may have a few duds trying to find things to do together before you both feel fully passionate about the same thing. Have a sense of humor about the process, building memories and passion even through the flops.

Another thought to remember about a strong marriage is that even as we seek passion, we need resilience for the process of rebuilding or deepening it. Having flexibility and engaging in active problem solving skills will go a long way to helping each of you regain or deepen the passion between you.

We must think of the gift of passion in marriage as something beyond the physical that can improve the physical. Obviously, what we discussed in the first three points is not about the physical passion in marriage, but we must remember that the Bible refers to physical passion as knowing one another. When we spend time together cultivating a relationship of liking, enjoying, and desiring being together, then the physical side of the relationship is enhanced.

And, the physical. If you and your spouse have gotten away from simply holding hands, hold hands. If you only ever give each other a quick peck outside of intimate times, take some time to give each other a sweet, lasting kiss (and nothing more). Then, MAKE TIME for the physical passion God encourages in marriage. As 1 Corinthians 7 states, “Do not deprive one another” of physical intimacy. We are to honor the marriage with our marriage bed as well just as Hebrews 13:4 addresses. Read Song of Songs, Proverbs 5:19, and Genesis 1:28 if you have any questions about God’s view on the physical passion topic.

The world would have us belief that passion is merely physical, but it is so much more. The union God created between a man and a woman should be celebrated and we should know one another biblically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We may need to spend a bit of time brainstorming ideas or changing up our routines to help regain or deepen our passions for one another, but with intentional intimacy, it is possible. God desires we have strong marriages that bring Him honor and glory. Make wise choices today to bring that about in all areas of your marriage.

Thank you for joining us today. May God guide you as you reach out to one another and become more passionate as the years pass. Be blessed!

Why is marriage called an institution? Marriage is one of the many social institutions recognized by researchers and studies of social relationships. Social institutions are the foundations of a society, meeting various human needs and functions. In Genesis 2:18, God established the institution of marriage as a biblical foundation when He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” And again in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage brings the couple many gifts and blessings, and for the next three weeks we want to discuss three of those gifts as identified by Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships - companionship, passion, and purpose. Today, let’s focus in on companionship.

I love how God fully understood the need for companionship in marriage. Deuteronomy 24:5 points out that “[w]hen a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.” Companionship requires spending time with someone, and intentionally working on the other elements of companionship will help a five-minute couple build a strong, God-honoring marriage.

Reciprocity - Reciprocity is the give and take for mutual benefit. Just as Ephesians 5:21 reminds us that we are to submit to one another, Ephesians 5:33 also points out that husbands are to love their wives as themselves, and wives are to respect their husbands. We must be willing to give what our spouse needs and accept what we need from our spouse.

Support - Supporting one another is necessary in all human interactions and no less so than in the marriage relationship. We cannot take one another for granted and drain the other’s emotional resources, yet we must also be willing to go through the tough times together. John 13:14 tells us to serve one another, and in Acts 6 we are reminded yet again to care for one another.

Ease - We must choose to cultivate an environment of ease for our spouse. We must begin by avoiding power dynamics. 1 Corinthians 11:11 states, “Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.” We are not talking about biblical roles and headship here; we are not overthrowing those, merely pointing out that those God-ordained characteristics are not about power but about bringing Him glory which requires men to love and sacrifice as Christ as well as for women to submit to that loving and sacrificial leading. Specifically speaking, we are not to nag one another (see Proverbs 21:9) and we are to build one another up (see Romans 15:2).

Vulnerability - Companionship lends itself to vulnerability. Privileged information is shared and personal feelings are disclosed. We all sin, and no one knows that more than the spouse we share a home with. 1 Peter 4:8 cautions us, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” And, Proverbs 17:9 prompts us that “[w]hoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.” We deepen trust and companionship when our vulnerability is not weaponized against us in marriage.

And, lastly, predictability - No, we are not referring to falling into a rut, but we do need to know predictably that our spouse is indeed our companion, one on whom we can rely for time, attention, and trust-worthy behavior. We must share clear expectations and expect an ever-deepening level of communication and connection. As Mark 10:9 warns, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” When we protect our marriage companionship by relying on one another to be there when we need them, our predictability builds trust, friendship, and joy.

Companionship in marriage takes effort and intentional choices in reciprocity, support, ease, vulnerability, and predictability. If you have struggled in any of these areas, pray that God would reveal where to begin to rebuild the companionship in your marriage - for your good and His glory.

Thank you for listening and be blessed!

Accountability allows us to bear one another’s burdens. We each must be willing to take responsibility for our own choices, and loving each other through that process is so important in our Christian walk. A book our church has used to help guide us into an organized discipleship program called Growing Up includes eight accountability questions for a small group to use. Likewise, our pastor recently mentioned how he and his mentoring pastor help to hold each other accountable by asking two questions each week - what are you preaching about this week and what are you struggling with this week? As Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

So, how would an immediate family work toward accountability without judgment and condemnation? Here are five accountability questions we suggest for parents AND children to ask one another.

1. What are you studying in God’s word?

2. What you have said or done today to bring God glory? The yes/no version would be ‘has what you have said or done today brought God glory?’ Depending on the age of the child you are talking to, the yes/no version may be simpler.

3. What are you struggling with?

4. What do you need to ask forgiveness for, or what do you need to give forgiveness for?

5. How have you loved others as yourself today? And, a follow-up to that might be: What opportunities have you missed that you may try to take next time?

There are, of course, many more questions or ways to word questions, but, no matter what questions you ask, if possible, try to avoid only asking straight yes or no questions. Ask open-ended questions to allow more open, deeper, and honest responses. Parents, especially, remember that we are trying to focus on getting our children to think more deeply about what motivates their actions. We may already know the answers to the questions, but by asking the child to engage their own thought process to formulate more than a yes or no, we enhance their ability to take ownership of their beliefs and actions.

As James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” Remember that we are not trying to convict one another. We are trying to heal and guide, and much prayer before, during, and after a time of accountability discussion is very necessary.

Just like with any new skill, if you have not previously had an attitude and habit of biblical accountability in a loving, one anothering way, these questions may seem forced or unnatural. Find a way to make them your own. Sometimes, changing the wording, the tense, the cadence, or the specificity will help. Mostly, find a way to have a heart that desires drawing others to Christ and being drawn to Christ yourself in order to have more Christ-like beliefs, thoughts, and actions.

Please recognize that we are describing accountability time in a typical household - specifically, husbands and wives, parents and minor children or young adult children still in the household. I would not randomly walk up to a church acquaintance and ask “hey, what sin are you struggling with this week?” Accountability requires not just relationship but responsibility. The relationship should also be one that makes sense for the stage and season of life. Thankfully, home life is a time for illustrating those relationships your children will hopefully choose to participate in with other mature Christians as they grow.

We do thank you for joining us today. We hope that you and your family choose to deepen your relationships by taking five minutes scattered throughout your day to build one another up. Be blessed!

In this time of graduations and weddings in the United States, many of us are receiving numerous invitations of celebration. So, let’s take the next few minutes and look at celebration from a biblical perspective. God implements different feasts and festivals throughout the Old Testament in celebrations of remembrance and honor of His deliverance, protection, provision, and more. As a not-so-great party planner, times of celebration often sneak up on me and while I vow to do better the next time, it seems to keep happening again and again. But, still, why do we celebrate?

2 Chronicles 15:7 tells us that when God’s people worked toward His glory and their good, they were rewarded. It specifically states, “But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” What are rewards? Rewards are celebrations of jobs well-done. Just as a first place runner wins a prize at the end of a race, we are to celebrate the work and accomplishments of our family members. Some of us will receive promotions or scholarships; some will have felt they barely got by to the next step, but either way, we should reward hard work and perseverance.

Let’s keep in mind that the who we celebrate utmost is the Lord. The feasts of the Bible rightly celebrated God because of what He had done and would do for His people - the Israelites and those of us later grafted in to the Tree of Life. Even when we are celebrating earthly accomplishments of our family members, we must remember that God brings about all good gifts. Thus, just as God rewards those who are with Him, we can celebrate our loved ones.

Just as with the feasts of the Bible, celebrations come in all forms. Some families love to have big blow-out parties with decorations, food, desserts, presents, music, and more. Others are much more low-key and opt more for a special dinner out with a few quiet ‘congratulations’ spoken. No matter how you and your loved ones celebrate, make sure that times of celebration are a part of your interactions with one another.

Remember, five-minute families, some celebrations for one member of the family can cause suffering for another member. We each have our own experiences that influence our thoughts, feelings, and emotions when celebration is called for. Sometimes, it is because competition meant that someone lost and someone won. Sometimes, a loved one is happy, but due to changes, another is sad. I remember when my sister was getting married, I was going through some medical testing, and one of the set of tests was a day of psychological testing. I was asked to describe a picture of a beautiful wedding. I described the bride. Then, I was asked to describe the other people in the wedding party. I began to cry and cry. I thought, “Oh my goodness, they are going to think I am crazy.” But, the reality was that I was crying not because I didn’t want her to get married but because my relationship with my sister would never be the same once she was. It couldn’t be; it shouldn’t be. But, that change that the celebration would bring was still hard for my young heart.

A second point to remember well with celebrations is that everyone is going to have an idea of how it should be handled, even if that idea is that they don’t have to do anything but show up. We must all remember that we are to honor God in every celebration, so don’t forget to pray together in the planning, enjoy the differences of opinion, and accept that someone needs to be in charge, and it might not be you.

When we take the time to celebrate together, honoring God and enjoying one another accomplishments, we have an opportunity to shine a light for others to see God’s goodness. When we Christ-followers have good and godly celebrations, taking into account one another’s needs, wants, and desires, we bring Him glory yet again because those who do not yet know the Lord as their Savior can see that joy, silliness, and fun are indeed a part of the Christian walk. Seriously, think for a minute about those people who are so uptight that they don’t see that our lives here on earth are not about a list of rules - a list of do’s and don’t’s - but our lives are to be lived abundantly in pleasure and fellowship.

Celebrate. Ask the Lord to bring joy into your hearts as you look for those areas to reward and celebrate. Thank you for joining us this week. Be blessed!

We received an email update from some missionary friends of ours who have three children. Their children have been bickering and fussing more and more lately. A random Christian celebrity video popped up the other day about a spirit of irritability and confusion that has been in her family in the past few days. Annnd, here in our home, our boys have been incredibly unkind and disrespectful to one another and to others, which is not only embarrassing but incredibly saddening. It has been eye-opening to think about all the attempts that we make to establish contented, kind homes, and yet our flesh and our spiritual enemies do not want harmony or joy to abound. BUT GOD gives us a spirit of peace, love, and sound minds. (2 Timothy 1:7) Hearing that biblical phrase in church today reminds me that we do not have to focus on the negatives; but God has an abundant life for us.

As we have quoted Steve Austin before, “Everything is always all about God.” That’s why we parents must remember Deuteronomy 6 verses 4 through 9. “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.”

So, today, we are bringing our focus resoundingly onto God through five “But God” Scriptures and the different areas of life those statements can profoundly change.

First, our salvation is not dependent on ANYTHING that we say, do, or think. Ephesians 2:4-7 “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”

Second, once God has called us to Himself, He will never leave us alone to overcome sin by ourselves. 1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able”

Third, we bear no burden for another person’s salvation; we are simply to do our part in the process. Parents, that includes the when, where, and how our children give their hearts to the LORD. 1 Corinthians 3:6 “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase.”

Fourth, when we feel our worlds falling apart, God offers us His protection. Genesis 31:7 “Yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me.”

And, fifth, when we face trials, God is always with us. Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

God is with us; He will rescue us. Even in this earthly life, when troubles come, there is a greater purpose than our own experience holds.

Five Minute Families, take this week to pray faithfully these “But God” scriptures (and the many others) back to God. Recognize His power in our lives, point your children to Him in the midst of the pain, and reach out to trusted pastors, counselors, or mentors to help point you to specific Scripture. God’s Word does not return void, and He wants to be our Savior, our Encourager, our Guide, our Protector, and our Strength.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Please check our website for more information on Clear View Retreat’s family events at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Galatians 6:1 reminds us that if anyone has done something wrong, we are to gently help them get back on the right path - annnnd - that we must avoid behaving in the same way ourselves. We must point out to our loved one that we are willing to have this extremely uncomfortable conversation because we care for them and want future times together to go more smoothly.

Also, remember that in Matthew 18:15 and 16 we are to first discuss the matter directly one-on-one, but if that does not help, we may need to involve more family members in the conversation. Now, this chapter of scripture does go on to say that if that doesn’t clear up the matter, then go to church leadership. The temper tantrums we are addressing, which we well-defined in part one, might not necessarily be a church matter, but the advice is still the most solid as far as one-on-one, small family discussion, and then, if these tantrums do become part of a bigger sin issue, going to your church’s pastor or mentoring program would be a very good step.

Likewise, parents, realize that if you are the one who threw the tantrum, your child may not have thought through their address of your temper tantrum. They will not fully understand it or deal with it as an adult would, but do not forget Paul’s encouragement to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12 and Titus 2:15. No one is to be despised or dismissed because of their youth. If the Holy Spirit uses your child’s words or cries to convict you of your wrong, accept it.

So, let’s get to the South African College of Applied Psychology’s five points to help us navigate life after a temper tantrum, especially after an adult tantrum.

1. Point out that while they are allowed to feel angry or frustrated how they expressed their feelings was not appropriate or appreciated

2. Ask them why they responded in the way that they did

3. Find out how they would feel if your roles were reversed

4. Ask them what they would do if you behaved like they did

5. Ask them what they think can be done in future to curtail a similar outburst

As we often say, communication is key to solving problems. Listening is so quickly dismissed from the communication process when our emotions are high, so we must listen to one another, and that means letting the family member who had the tantrum speak clearly about their thoughts, feelings, and musings. AFTER LISTENING, be reminded of Ephesians 4:29, and do not respond in a negative way but choose your words wisely to help rebuild the relationship. Showing understanding and compassion validates your loved one’s feelings, even if you do not agree with them.

Setting boundaries and sharing your expectations can help to teach your loved one, especially the kiddos, responsibility. Many news stories abound today about two people who did not seem capable of controlling themselves and giving in temper tantrums resulting in divorce, custody issues, court case, and more. In some situations, it comes back to narcissism or manipulation, but in others, it is that a person has never heard how fully negative their temper tantrum is affecting their loved ones. I know it sounds crazy, but there are people who just aren’t impacted as much by a tantrum, and they see it as “blowing off steam” or just being dramatic. But, in a family we must clearly communicate how another person’s behavior impacts us.

Briefly, let’s address that some people are afraid of the emotions they are capable of, and instead of a meltdown or outburst, they will shut down. The silent treatment is often what follows. Neither a tantrum nor the extreme of shutting down is good. And, both can be addressed in the same steps we previously mentioned.

It is embarrassing for the tantrum thrower who isn’t using the tantrum to control of manipulate, on purpose, at least. In our current culture it has become common place to record others at their worst moments, but that is not loving others as yourself. Even a train wreck of a tantrum can be an opportunity to love, console, communicate and grow from the experience.

We are Jim and Kim Nestle with Clear View Retreat. If you want to learn more about the communication process and God’s plan for families, please check us out at clearviewretreat.org and book your Family Camp or marriage retreat today. Be blessed!

Note, we said ‘someone,’ not just a child. Adults might say after our own tantrums, “Sorry for overreacting.” Mental health experts and counselors may have a variety of definitions for terms, but whether you call it overreacting, a tantrum, meltdown, outburst, breakdown, whatever, we all - all ages - get to a point of feeling overwhelmed. We have trouble calmly voicing our needs and controlling our emotions. Unfortunately, at times our response to a situation can be intense, to say the least.

Now, we are not talking about someone who is narcissistic or manipulative using temper tantrums to control others. You may very well have someone like that in your family; if that person refuses therapy, then you will need safe boundaries and get into counseling yourself. A former colleague and friend of mine recently wrote an article about the abuse he, his mother, and his siblings were subjected to while he grew up. He pointed out well-meaning Christians suggested that his family “suffer well” through the abuse. We must take this moment to say explicitly… if you are in an unsafe situation, get to safety. There may be people who do not understand, who tell you to change your own behavior (for example, “well, what did you do to make him angry?”), but Christ-followers must protect one another well. Likewise, if anyone close to you is in an unsafe situation, get them to safety and encourage them to continue to prioritize protecting themselves and the children.

Also, please note that sensory disruptions are different than tantrums. They may look the same but they are not, so parents, you must be aware of your child’s needs, especially if they have any neuro-divergent issues.

Remember, toddler tantrums are a normal part of development. Learning emotional self-control is a process, and the brain’s developing the neural pathways for healthy emotional processing takes time. Rest, food, and actually being listened to are the big three needs for our little ones.

All that being said, let us point out briefly that toddler, adolescent, and adult temper tantrums are processed and developed out of different areas of the brain. Toddlers and adolescents are primarily using the amygdala - the emotional brain center. So, yes, they are overly emotional. Adolescents can also be having hormonal washes that complicate their dealing with stimuli (such as, thinking dad is yelling when he isn’t). Thus, kinda - in a way, adolescent tantrums are also a typical part of development. Adults read emotions from others through their pre-frontal cortex which is the logical area, but when we adults are overwhelmed, even that becomes much more difficult.

A family must realize that we each have different triggers. Anxiety, stress, depression, and hunger are just a few things that may contribute to the feelings of being overwhelmed. Of course, there are also sensory considerations even within neuro-typical family members, routine changes, communication breakdown, illness, and major life events to consider. So, what do we do when someone we love has a tantrum?

You cannot reason with someone in the middle of a temper tantrum. So, if a loved one has a tantrum:

1. You may need to walk away completely from the situation.

2. Or, if you must stay nearby for any reason, so that you do not get angry yourself, distract yourself with something else while your loved one calms down.

3. And, make sure you are keeping calm by praying. Commit Philippians 4:6-7 to memory as you work through tantrums with a loved one, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

4. Be intentional about your own deep breathing deeply. By focusing on your breathing and slowly inhaling and exhaling you allow God’s natural stress-reliever, the parasympathetic system, to engage and stimulate relaxation.

5. Likewise, studies show that listening to slower tempo and calming music can dramatically reduce anxiety.

Next week, we are going to address how we need to handle a tantrum AFTER it has occurred. Relationships can be damaged by not addressing tantrums, so please remember to tune in next week as we walk through repairing relationships that may have been damaged from a temper tantrum, or ongoing tantrums.

May God guide your moments as you intentionally invest time and love into one another. Be blessed!

In Romans we learn about Israel’s rejection of God’s gift and that the Gentiles became grafted into the tree of God’s family. But, we find throughout Romans that God’s heart is still for His people of Israel, and He desires revival in their hearts as well as in the hearts of all believers. Romans 1:16 states, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”

You know, special three-day or even week-long revival services used to be a common practice of the church. Whether due to lack of time or money for preparation or the thought that the revival services are outdated, the reality in the 2020s is that many churches never consider holding any type of revival service.

God loves revival as we see in Psalm 85:6 “Will you not revive us again, that your people may rejoice in you?” So, let us ask, what is revival? In the religious sense, it is defined as a reawakening of religious fervor, especially by means of a series of evangelistic meetings often called ‘revivals’. But, if we look to generic definition, we see that revival is an improvement in the condition or strength of something. Yes, evangelism is important, but we must also be renewed in our desire to grow more and more Christ-like. Revival can happen on the individual, family, small group, or corporate/church-wide level.

Thus, this is where the family comes in. Just as a planned revival event at church takes work to accomplish, so does revival in the home. Being a Christian is more than just our moment of salvation; it is a moment by moment, day by day choice to grow more Christ-like. Let’s discuss five aspects of revival for a five-minute family.

1. So, Five-minute moms and dads, you must come to understand Romans 6, 7, and 8. In a simplistic summation, we are dead to sin, set free from the bondage of sin, and now we must learn how to walk in the Spirit. You need to pray, study, and meditate. And, then, pray, study, and meditate some more. If you don’t know how, ask your pastor and spiritual mentor for a recommendation on a workbook that will teach you the basics.

2. Second, you must spend time planning and organizing your family revival time. What do you want to study, when will you meet together, for how long each day, for how many days? You must continue to pray and prepare about the content you and your family will discuss.

3. Third, make sure you give the family time to prepare since this will be a change in the normal routine. Don’t plan a family revival during tournament season or midterms, but once you have found a time, make sure you let all the family members know the details. And, yes, moms, you may need to be a broken record in reminding everyone.

4. During your family revival time, be sure to carve out some time to discuss your personal testimonies and how you would share what God has done in your home with others in your circles of influence.

5. And, finally, remember to follow through after the revival time with those action points God called you to or revealed as your next steps. Encourage everyone in the family to come together at a church or community event and share how much they enjoyed learning more about God together.

In fact, after a family revival time, consider hosting a community one. It can be a few days of revival study with one or two other families in your neighborhood. If you do expand, remember to include all members of your household in the preparations for the next revival. Each family member should be praying, organizing at their age-level, sharing what it upcoming with those invited, practicing stating succinctly what God has done for them, and then follow up with their peers to engage in ongoing learning and discipleship.

Remember, just as Billy Graham once said, "Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened." If you let God revive you and you stand in His righteousness and redemption, turning to His resources to make a difference, your family will become stronger and stronger every day. Take a stand and trust God to guide you.

Thank you so much for joining us today. Be blessed!

1. Sacrifice. Within the family, sacrifice is all too often a one-way street. Americans are big on the concept of ‘some people are givers and some are takers.’ However, as a family, each person must be willing to sacrifice, and that means, parents, that sometimes we have to make our children give something up that they want. It doesn’t come naturally to our flesh. You will have some kiddos who are more naturally inclined to compromise or sacrifice their own desires, but it is up to the parents to make sure that the kids’ sacrifices are kept in balance. Likewise, parents, if one of the adults of the household is more likely to sacrifice, then balance needs to be found there as well.

2. Service. Here at Clear View Retreat, one of the things that we encourage families to do TOGETHER is to serve. We know a family who serve together every year at their church’s vacation Bible school and also once a year at a refugee camp. One really neat thing to watch with the family at VBS was that the parent most involved in the planning and preparations had the full support of her family during the weeks and months leading up to the actual VBS. Likewise, as a family, they scheduled vacation days to coincide with vacation Bible school. Such sacrifice and service TOGETHER.

3. Submission. In Romans 13, submission to governing authorities is the focus. Parents, in this day of political vitriol, we must set the example of submission. We need to share God’s truth in light of political and governing situations, but if we do not set a good example for our children, I promise you this is one area in which we will fail. I am going to go here… neither hanging flags with cuss words nor chanting expressions such as Let’s Go Brandon is God-honoring behavior. Just as a huge billboard read that Trump was God’s elected official, we see in Scripture that Biden is, too. We need to pray for all of our governing leaders, and we need to work hard to change unjust laws, but Scripture is clear that we must do so in God-honoring ways. Our children are watching.

4. Sensitivity. Being sensitive to the points that others find important is fundamental in a family unit. Some of our spouses or children are weaker in faith than others. We once knew a couple in which one of the spouses felt very strongly that Jesus was our Sabbath and thus doing tasks around the house on a Sunday was fine. His wife, however, felt that it was sinful to do chores on Sunday. Not only were they not sensitive to one another, they each took a judgmental stance against the other about this. It was one of many details that tore them apart.

5. Acceptance. Does your family build one another up or tear each other down? Sometimes, tearing each other down becomes a habit. God placed each of you together, and He brought together different strengths and weaknesses, ultimately for the benefit of each of you. Realize that adopting God’s attitude of acceptance brings not just peace but also a home life that produces kindness, security, and joy. We must ‘make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.’ (Romans 14:19)

Last week, we also touched briefly on communication skills because all of the above resources work better with good communication. Just as Romans 14:19 alludes to our speech, many verses discuss our communication skills directly such as Proverbs 12:18 “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” We hope that if your family is struggling in the area of communication, you will go to your favorite podcast player and listen to the Five Minute Family podcast from June 2020 titled Marriage #3, or get involved with a counselor or pastor who can help you practice better communication skills, or come attend a family camp or marriage retreat with us here at CVR. Please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org for more information about those family camps, marriage retreats, and more.

Thank you for joining us today. Be blessed!

Today, we are discussing the third of four essentials of faith as Paul discusses them in Romans - the resources available to us now that we have Christ’s righteousness and we better understand His redemption. Basically, as Christians, how are we to live? Insight for Living answered, “The Christian life is a different life. And all the resources we need to live it are found in Christ Himself.” Specifically, today, we want to look a bit at Romans 12:1 through Romans 15:13.

First, we need to realize that a resource we have is sacrifice. You might be thinking, exactly how is sacrifice a resource? Well, what is the definition of resource? “an action or strategy which may be adopted in adverse circumstances.” When life gets tough - and it WILL - we must know that if we choose to behave as Christ behaved, making sacrifices for God and for our families, we will be able to better face the norms and storms that come our way. As Insight for Living put it, “In light of the “mercies of God” [discussed in] Romans 1-11, Paul urged us in [chapter 12 verse 1] to ‘present [our] bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is [our] spiritual service of worship’.”

Next, we see that sacrifice leads to service. As Romans 12:3-21 discusses the values of others and Christian ethics, we see that though we each have different gifts, we are one body in Christ, and we must “[s]hare with the saints in their needs; pursue hospitality.” (verse 13) Service is discussed throughout Scripture, and just as we are each given a gift, we must each give that gift back in service to others. By using the gifts we have, and being willing to do some of the tough or boring stuff that needs to be done, we free the body of Christ up to do his work of reaching the unreached and caring for the widows, orphans, poor, and suffering.

Third, we need to remember submission to our leaders. It might sound strange to think of submission to our governing bodies as a Christian resource, but verse 2 of chapter 13 tells us that “the one who resists the authority is opposing God’s command.” We cannot draw closer to the Lord by opposing His Word. Obviously, that does not mean we cannot work to change bad laws, but we must show respect to those in authority.

Fourth, we must remember to be sensitive to other Christ-followers and their beliefs. Romans 14:1 says, “Welcome anyone who is weak in faith, but don’t argue about disputed matters.” And the chapter continues to illustrate points of differences, but the one thing we must all agree on is Christ and Him crucified. We must not become stumbling blocks to one another, arguing about clean or unclean or about what to eat or drink. Don’t forget the reminder in verse 22, “Whatever you believe about these things, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.” When we properly utilize God’s sensitivity and kindnesses to all believers, even if we have differences, we are better prepared to be more effective for His kingdom.

Finally, we must be accepting of one another, not just sensitive to differences. We must build one another up. We must hope through endurance and live in harmony. This resource of acceptance promotes peace and reminds us that faith is what matters most, not whether we are pleased with ourselves.

How many times can just one more sentence of information help stop a world of hurts, or how a simple but heart-felt apology can begin the reconciliation that is desperately needed, or how realizing that we are all so different AND those differences can be our resources - our strengths - if we let them. We must allow God to teach us how to use wisely the resources He has given or commanded us to take part of, adding His sweet loving communication and encouragements to build His church.

We do thank you for joining us today, and we pray that the eyes of your hearts may be enlightened and that you will feel His greatness this week as you seek to use the resources he provides. Be blessed!

Once we are justified with God’s righteousness, we can live new lives - redeemed lives, and we can make new choices, even if the consequences of our old ones must still be dealt with. Please note that we are not the ones committing the act of redemption. We cannot work ourselves into redemption. Jesus committed the act of redemption by being sacrificed on the cross. We now live in the state of having been redeemed. We are free from the guilt and blame for having done something wrong. As Romans 8:1 states, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

In our state of redemption, we are being sanctified. We no longer have to live as we once did. Our righteous salvation through Jesus’s redemptive act does not mean we are free to sin because God just won’t see it anyway. Redemption means that we are free NOT to sin. Just as Romans seven illustrates how our old habits and behaviors cry out for us to walk back into sin, Romans eight steps us into the freedom our redemption brings us.

Think of the redeemed life as receiving an inheritance from a grandparent. You could pay off debt. You could take your kids on an awesome vacation, or get a tutor or private coach. Maybe you wouldn’t have to have any more holes in your socks that irritate you all day long. Or, buy a car that isn’t falling apart, and pay to have the house roof fixed. If counseling is needed, you wouldn’t have to worry about the cost to get the help you or a loved one needs. Freedom from a few of the worries of life.

So, how do we live out the redemptive, freeing truth of Jesus in a five-minute family? How do we live lives of redemption?

1. We must stop comparing ourselves to each other. Each member of the family is important - our roles, our personalities, our talents. Living a redeemed life requires that we see the goodness and value in each other.

2. We accept that suffering and difficulties will be a part of this earthly life. How often does someone in your household get frustrated with another member of the family. Sister made us late for school. Brother caused me to drop my project. Dad couldn’t make it to my basketball game. Mom didn’t listen to my story while watching a movie on her phone. Those aren’t major hurts and sufferings, but they are the little ones that cause hiccups and strife, leading to fighting and disrespectful behavior. We are not living a redeemed life if we are holding grudges in the difficulties of life.

3. We celebrate together. Celebrations bring joy, honor, and energy into a family. By celebrating each other’s accomplishments, no matter how small, we help to impart our values and priorities. Now, remember we are not just talking about winning first place at the track meet, though definitely celebrate that! We are talking about personal improvements, small triumphs over a fear, and more. One of our sons has learning disabilities, and after only two interactions with a set of class materials, he was able to score a B- on a test. We were proud of him and were joyful in celebrating that accomplishment.

4. We disciple one another. A redeemed believer knows that it is only through God’s word that we can fully know we are loved and cared for. The security, freedom, and peace that His word offers are incomparable. Nothing will ever change God’s love for us. When we intentionally choose an attitude of discipleship and healthy habits of discipleship, the redeemed life becomes not just second nature but transformative.

5. We live fearlessly. We are in Christ. Jim and I like to watch the show ‘This is Us.’ The matriarch of the show is sick, and she asks her adult children to promise her that they will live fearlessly. It is an extremely motivating and emotional moment from season 6, episode 7. But, why reference it? Because, five-minute families, Jesus is more impassioned than this actress. God wants us to live a fearless life. Isaiah 43:1 encourages us to “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” And, Romans 8:28 “… we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

With all God offers us, we can fully enjoy our redeemed lives. As a family, we can help one another in ways that the outside world can only hope to accomplish. May God give you the guidance, comfort, strength, and protection to step fearlessly into the redeemed life He has for you and your family. Be blessed!

Today, we are beginning a series to discuss how a family can dive deep into four essentials of faith as Paul discusses them in Romans - righteousness, redemption, resources, and revival.

The term righteousness appears thirty-five times in Romans. Righteousness is defined as ‘the quality of being morally right or justifiable’ or as ‘acting in accord with divine or moral law.’ And, you know, it is intriguing how even the slang meaning for righteous touches on the depth of the concept wherein the slang use is defined as ‘genuine or excellent.’ Paul defined righteousness as “inward and outward conformity to God’s law” (Insight for Living Ministries). As Romans 1:17 explains, “For in [the gospel] the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith, just as it is written: The righteous will live by faith.” Believers must understand that we cannot have righteousness apart from God and His working in our lives.

If righteousness is not possible apart from faith in God, then, parents, it is fundamentally important that our children understand what it means to be a Christ-follower. We would like to walk you down what is commonly referred to in Christian lingo as “The Romans Road.” Each time the discussion occurs, and, yes, it should occur more than once over the years, you will see growth in your kids, and in yourself as a disciple of Christ.

1. To begin, ask “Are you a good person?” No matter their answer, the truth lies in Romans 3:23, 3:10, and 5:12. So, with littles, you can share the simple statement that no one is perfect, and we will make bad decisions sometimes. With older children, we encourage you to read the Scriptures and discuss the child’s thoughts and feelings about them as well as the term righteousness.

2. Whether they answer yes or no to the previous question, you can continue the conversation with, “is your sin really that bad?” The answer is found in Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.” For littles, we need to say something such as even though not listening seems like it doesn’t really matter, it shows that our hearts are set on ourselves and not God.

3. Continue to get your kids to consider what to do with their sin problem by asking, “So, since we have seen that no one is sin-free, how can there be any hope for you?” Point out the gift that God sent in the form of Jesus and the relief we can receive from Him from Romans 5:8 “But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

4. Next, ask, “do you know how you can be saved from the bad consequences of your sin?” Read Romans 10:9 together “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” For littles, again, keep it simple: you tell God you know you make mistakes and as you get older and better understand about Jesus, you can ask Him to be your Savior. For older kids, be sure to add in verse ten “One believes with the heart, resulting in righteousness, and one confesses with the mouth, resulting in salvation.” So that they see the connection to righteousness. If your child wishes to make this confession now, allow time for prayer and conversation.

5. Remember, we often doubt what has happened because there isn’t a lightning bolt or some cosmic event that we can tangibly identify. Your child may be wondering, “did God accept me?” Romans 10:13, 5:1, and 8:1 all assure us that He did hear and accepts us completely and forever, “for anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” and not condemned.

Parents, we often think that church attendance makes it clear to our kids how to become a child of God, but the reality is that they miss a lot being worried about how they look or which friends will be there that day. Having set discussion times and allowing our children to be open and honest about where they are in their understanding of God are extremely important.

Let us close today with Romans 8:38-39, “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Be blessed!

Please note that when we speak about ‘Christian family identity,’ we are not talking about the way the world has warped the term ‘Christian identity.’ We were both shocked and appalled to do an internet search and see that the search yielded information about racist, anti-Semitic, or white supremacy ideologies. Which, by the way, are not in any way, shape, or form truly Christ-like thoughts or behaviors. What we are talking about is TRUE biblical, Christian identity - the identities we are to hold and mold that are based on God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness as well as His work on the cross and our redemption.

During the family camps we host here, we discuss family identity, which we have done a series on and you can find in our podcast archives under the Family Camp series, but today we want to suggest a five-step, five-minute Family Identity Challenge. Each of the five steps should take about five minutes, with a five-minute break in the middle, for a total of 30 minutes.

Now, as always, adjustments must be made for families with littles, typically under the age of six or seven, depending on attention spans. You may need to allow the littles to participate for the first minute of each step, sharing their thoughts and then excusing them to play quietly nearby or color.

Parents, you are going to need to do some prep work that will take a bit more time. The book of Ephesians has a lot of detail about our identities in Christ. Likewise, you can prayerfully review specific verses that God has in His word about our identities in Him. Some of those verses are: Galatians 4:6-7, 2 Corinthians 5:17, John 1:12, Ephesians 1:5, 1 Corinthians 6:17, 1 Peter 2:9, 1 John 3:1-2, 2 Corinthians 13:13, Ephesians 3:18, Ephesians 6:18, Philippians 4:22, and Psalm 34:9.

We recommend that to begin with, you choose verses that focus in on one aspect of our identity in Christ. Three of those themes you could choose from are our being new creations, that we are children of God, or that God refers to us as saints, not sinners.

For your family meeting time, follow these five steps:

First, discuss what our identity is in Christ. As Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “our greatest need is to become who we already are in Christ.” Remember that not everyone sitting at your family table is a believer at that moment, so be mindful.

Second, sit in silence for five minutes and contemplate what you heard. This can be a hard step, but it is really important to try to silence the noises of this earthly life and open our hearts to God’s prompting. If you or your kiddos are wiggly ones, you can allow doodling or focused journaling. There is no right way, but most people do find that quiet meditation on God’s truth helps us to see better what He is revealing.

Third, come back together and share with one another one false belief you may hold or a part of God’s identity for His children that you find hard to believe. Parents and children alike must be cautioned not to sit in judgment of one another or try to fix someone’s false belief. Mom and dad, big brothers and sisters, we are not meant to be one another’s holy spirit. Listen and pray. And, remember Romans 14:1 admonishes us all, “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” And, if you are still struggling in a false belief area, please seek wise counsel.

Fourth, review verses that specifically touch on God’s truth about our identities. This is where we can trust that God’s word does not return void. We share His truth, His words, and thus encourage one another without judgment or frustration.

And, finally, choose a worship song and honor Him and the new identity He gives each of us in His greatness. Close in prayer and praise.

After you worship together, carry your attitudes of praise into the new week. Encourage one another with God’s truth, and listen kindly as God transforms your family members and family as a whole into his image.

You can share teen studies and devotions with your older children, and there are books delving deeper into Ephesians as well as topical books about our identities in Christ. Unfortunately, we have not yet come across a book we can recommend about family identity, but we are hoping to write one, so we might be able to share about that one day. In fact, if anything we have suggested has helped you and your family, please let us know so that we can be sure to share your experience with others.

Thank you so much for joining us, and we pray that God reveals himself in mighty ways in this coming week. Be blessed!

The beginning of these verses explain why love is important. To paraphrase John MacArthur: Having a right understanding and expression of genuine, godly love is necessary to fully use the gifts from God or even have complete knowledge of God himself. The first eight verbs in verses four and five are linking verbs describing what love is and what love does. The next eight verbs are at the end of verse five and through the beginning of verse eight. Those verbs are action words. Thus, we can conclude that love is both descriptive AND active.

Let’s dive deeper specifically into the four action verbs of 1 Corinthians 13:7 - “[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

“Bear all things.” ‘To bear’ means ‘to cover with silence.’ Let’s look at an example: Parents, shaming your child as a means of punishment and then posting it for views is NOT bearing all things. Do not blast on social media when a loved one has wronged you or sinned in some way. 2 Corinthians 2:5-8 reminds us, “If anyone has caused pain, he has caused pain not so much to me but to some degree—not to exaggerate—to all of you. This punishment by the majority is sufficient for that person. As a result, you should instead forgive and comfort him. Otherwise, he may be overwhelmed by excessive grief. Therefore, I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.” So, in our parenting example, even in the midst of your anger, there is an opportunity to reaffirm your love.

“Believe all things.” ‘To believe’ means ‘to have faith in / to entrust a thing to one.’ Our spouses and children mess up. We mess up. We may not believe in the person themselves because of past issues, BUT we can believe in God and His redemptive and transformative power, and thus, circle back to believe in the person we love having the potential to begin to act more in the image of God. The flip side of realizing that your loved one is made in the image of God, is realizing that you are, too. Do you believe in God to transform you, too?

“Hope all things.” ‘To hope’ means ‘to expect or confide.’ Once we have learned to control our mouths and view our loved one in the image of God, we can then see the hope of the goodness of God’s love in them. We can motivate, we can encourage, we can dream together of better moments that lead to better days, months, and years. In our hope we employ faith in the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

“Endure all things.” ‘To endure’ means ‘to stay under / to remain.’ When everything falls apart again, and it will, whether it is because something happens to us or we make a mistake that causes problems, we must remain. Proverbs 24:16 puts it this way, “Though a righteous person falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble into ruin.” And, Jeremiah 8:4 says, “This is what the Lord says: Do people fall and not get up again? If they turn away, do they not return?” We must keep going. We must endure.

While we may think of bearing with one another and enduring through all things as negative actions we must experience, the reality is that to hold the belief and hope together, they have to be sandwiched within something. It is by working through the tougher times that we can see God in our loved ones and we can feel His hope in all our family experiences, whether it is a norm or storm of life.

Matthew Henry explained the need for all four aspects, with the good sandwiched within in the bad as this: “[Agape love] will endeavor to confine the passions within proper limits.” God created us for relationships. He created us with all the emotions we experience. Just as God gave direction and performed miracles, there was almost always an element of action on the believers’ part.

In all those action verbs of love, remember to pray. Our flesh and hearts may fail, but God is our strength and portion forever. We must pray for each other, pray for ourselves, and pray for the Lord to show us how to love better and better every day.

Be blessed!

It seems preposterous that God would allow unspeakable evils to happen in this world. God is a God of love, after all. Yet, how much do we trust Him when the sinful world we live in falls on us? Threats, slavery, and false accusations all exist still today, though we may want to bury our heads in the sand.

And, they existed and all occurred against Joseph, the eleventh son of Jacob, son of Isaac, son of Abraham. Joseph was disliked by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, but still rose to the second highest office of the land in which he lived. As the years marched on, Joseph trusted God to make sense of the evils set against him. And, when he was in a position to save not only his father and closest brother, he also saved all the brothers who were cruel to him, cruel to their father by deception, and more. He said in Genesis 50:20 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good.” Can we say that? How much do we fully trust that God will work ALL things for His glory and our good?

I certainly couldn’t see how our losing a longed-for child through an ectopic pregnancy, being in ongoing pain from the surgery that followed, and then losing the house we had waited for for so long could possibly have a positive meaning. It was just suffering, plain and simple. Now, suffering is part of this earthly life and will draw us closer to the Lord. So, I suffered, knowing logically that I would learn something but wondering what on earth it could possibly be. One evening, someone I dearly love who does not believe in God, asked how I was doing. After years of lovingly sharing about the Lord only to receive cold looks or the person walking out, he stayed and listened. He listened to me speak of grieving my little one’s life and how I knew that I needed to trust God despite the losses being costly and disappointing. They were teaching me something. I shared that I had hope that that baby’s life mattered greatly to the God of the universe and its life had meaning. As I rambled, as I am prone to do, I spoke of the many sacrifices of Christ and my joys of living for Him. After I went home, I realized, that the death of our baby had allowed the longest, most open, least-filtered conversation with my loved one about my God and my heart toward Him. And, then, this death made sense; our baby’s extremely short existence had purpose. Trusting the Lord allowed me to be part of something greater that He is working on.

He is always faithful. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."

As your family fasts together, make sure you intentionally focus on building your trust in the Lord. Some suggestions on how to do that include:

1. Work together to perform some trust exercises with your children.

2. When you get hungry, have a plan for drawing your focus to the Lord so you can see how well He can fill you… worship the Lord with music you love, scripture you want to memorize, or even an area you want to take a hike in. Or, rest. You are working on less energy. The kiddos are working on focusing on something other than their fleshy desire for sugars, whatever it is, so allow time to rest to focus on trusting the Lord to get you through, not just busy-ness.

3. Discuss areas where you each lack trust in the Lord and pray for each other in those areas.

4. Do not let your feelings lead you. Look to the truth of Scripture, remember all that God has done in your life, and then re-evaluate your feelings based on truth and remembrance. One author coined it this way “fact, faith, feeling.”

5. Reflect on God’s promises. Look up the various promises of God in the Bible and discuss how God kept those promises.

The end of Colossians 1:16 reminds us that “all things were created through Him and for Him.” God should be preeminent in our lives, and as we pray and fast, we can grow firm hearts by trusting in the Lord. Fasting together as a family allows us to quiet our flesh, letting God work in you and through you. Be blessed!

Before we fully discuss satisfaction in the Lord, we must differentiate between self-satisfaction and Christ-satisfaction. Parents are used to training kids to become satisfied through self-soothing by encouraging the use of pacifiers, blankies, teddy bears, you get the idea. Adults use food, drugs, inappropriate materials and more to become satisfied with where they are in the world. Obviously, we CAN train our flesh, and we are experts at doing so for using an item for comfort. Just as the rich man in Luke 12 was satisfied with his wealth, we can become satisfied with the fruits of our labors and our personal efforts at comfort.

Yet, Christ-satisfaction is a satisfaction unlike any comfort item we could possibly find. Christ won’t add shame, guilt, weight, or burdens to our load. We need not worry about the lost teddy bear when our comfort is in the Lord. We often want to distract ourselves from any pain, and the pain of hunger during fasting is no exception. But, we need to face the hunger so that we can turn not to food for our satisfaction but to God. But, how do we do that is not perfectly clear. Verses abound about finding satisfaction in God:

1. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. Isaiah 58:11

2. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Matthew 5:6

3. The fear of the Lord leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm. Proverbs 19:23

4. For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

5. For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish. Jeremiah 31:25

Here at Clear View Retreat, we want to help families find practical ways to apply God’s word. Our suggestions in how to find satisfaction in the Lord are not the exhaustive list. We are not offering a formula; if there is one, it is found solely in immersing yourself and your family in Jesus Christ and finding what works best for you all in each season that you walk through. What we are proposing are activities you might find helpful.

Be intentional for at least five minutes a day - together - to speak about the Lord and His goodness or His attributes. Keep the focus on Him and you will feel more satisfied than you would believe possible.

During family fasting time, make it a priority to write down both individual and family blessings that are pouring out. You know, like the old song, count your many blessings.

Continue to discuss what about your family identity God is affirming and what in your family identity God is encouraging you to change. Write these ideas down in a journal and review them in future family fasts. The satisfaction that comes from seeing God’s fingerprint on your lives is peace that goes beyond understanding.

Tied closely to family identity is family purpose. Think about the places God has each family member and how that family member can impact others for Christ. Brainstorm ideas together on how each family member can impact their circle of influence for the Lord. When we know and live our purpose, satisfaction is fulfilling and Christ-focused.

And, discuss how at the end of a hard, long day, there is sweet satisfaction in a job well done just like in a God-honoring fast.

Think of fasting like mountaintop experiences and valleys. There will be moments of desire for food (or a type of food) that seems overwhelming like the storms in the valleys, and then you will have moments of closeness to the Lord like those mountaintop experiences. But, we don’t stop and only wish for past mountaintop experiences. We remember them fondly, especially when in the valley of a dark moment, but we look forward and move forward toward the next beautiful, amazing moment that God will bring. Our hunger is short, and our reward is sweet. Be satisfied and be blessed!

We are to the A - accountability. Please note that when we are talking about fasting accountability, we are not talking about the need for someone to take responsibility for wrong behavior. We know through numerous verses in scripture that fasting is supposed to be a part of the believer’s life; thus, fasting is a spiritual discipline, not a punishment. And, as a discipline, it is a skill and set of details to be learned. As such, that skill can be evaluated and reviewed and improved upon. THAT is what we mean by fasting accountability. Just as in any other area of life, parents and children working together to grow in knowledge, love, and wisdom is the goal.

Before we go further, just as last week, a word of caution - please remember that while we are encouraging food fasting for everyone during a family fast, when children participate in a fast, parents must be watchful, careful, and guiding of their children. Children should not be going into a caloric restriction or prolonged time of fasting. They are growing and changing and need food much more frequently than adults do. We are suggesting sugary treats, drinks, or only one specific food group being limited.

So, back to accountability… how do we engage in accountability during a family fast:

First, set aside time early in each fasting day to encourage one another specifically in the food fast just as 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

Second, in a personal fast, we are cautioned in Matthew 6 to keep our fast secret or quiet. But, within the family for teach-ability and accountability, we need to stay open and vocal about what we are experiencing. For example, parents, we can say, out loud, “wow I am so hungry right now, so I am going to take this moment to pray.” Or, when your child comes up and asks for a piece of candy, lovingly and gently remind him or her that this is a time of fasting and asking them if they would like to pray with you instead.

Third, at the end of each fasting day or timeframe, review how each of you did. Jeremiah 17:10 reassures us to let “the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.” Again, in the mindset of accountability, this is to encourage each person to be honest with him or herself as well as receive feedback about what they can do the next time the family has a fasting time.

Fourth, just as with any devotion or time of learning for children, it is best to keep any discussion focus on only one point, so if you are chatting with your child their lack of sticking with the fast, you need to keep the discussion short, explaining again why God encourages us to fast, praying together for encouragement to try again, and then moving on. James 5:16 states, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

And, finally, don’t forget to keep the purpose of your family fast in the forefront of your minds and ask God to bring clarity and revelation, even during the accountability discussion times.

Five-minute families, remember fasting is about cultivating a hunger for God. Just as He describes a land flowing with milk and honey, we want ourselves and our children to realize the rich sweetness of being filled by God. We must be cautious and conscientious in our accountability with one another during a time of family fasting.

We thank you for joining us this week. Next week, we will explore how to find our satisfaction in the Lord during a time of fasting and prayer. We pray that God enlightens your hearts and draws you closer to Him and one another in the coming week. We also encourage you to pray about your family daily and begin to plan your next steps of family discipleship. Maybe a visit to Clear View Retreat would be one of your next steps. Contact us for more information. And, be blessed!

For this week, Jim and I both thought we had discussed biblical fasting with you before, our fabulous five-minute families, but other than a couple of passing references and one devo about digital fasting, we couldn’t find an in-depth discussion about that. So, for February we are going to deep-dive into fasting. We are going to use FAST as an acronym to discuss fasting. F - First things first, A - accountability, S - satisfaction, and T - trust.

Matthew 6:16 begins with “when you fast.” It does not begin “if you fast.” The verses before this also say, “when you give” and “when you pray.” That means we need to take a moment and evaluate how well we are pursuing fasting as a clearly biblical behavior.

Please note that while we are encouraging food fasting throughout this series, it is not wise or safe for children to fast in the same way that adults do. Children can fast from a particular sweet treat (or all sweet treats), depending on their ages and needs. Children can forego all beverages instead of water, again, depending on their ages and specific dietary needs. You get the idea. Please don’t force your children to fast extensively or admonish them if they break whatever aspect of fasting they are striving for.

Before beginning a period of fasting together as a family, review together verses about what fasting is and is not. Acts 13:2, Daniel 10:3, Esther 4:16, Nehemiah 1:4, and Psalm 35:13 are a few of the verses to get you started. JustDisciple.com has a couple of articles that may help you get started. One is titled ‘Types of Christian Fasting & What’s Right for You’ and the other is ‘How to Honor God With Your Fasting & 20 Tips for Beginners.’

Discuss the various reasons for fasting. As we stated in our Digital Fast devotional: “In different examples of fasting in Scripture, we see different purposes for fasting. Acts 14:23 illustrates fasting to seek God’s wisdom. In Ezra, God’s people are seeking deliverance or protection. In Jonah, the people of Nineveh fasted to repent and ask God to save them. When the Israelites in Judges 20 needed help to gain victory over their enemies, they fasted first.” Make sure you discuss YOUR reason for entering into your family fast. As you can tell from Scripture, the reason may change from fast to fast, but you must be aware of the reason.

Just as we mentioned before specifically about children, each person’s needs - adults included - should be evaluated to see how he or she can best participate in a family food fast. If someone has medication to take with food, that person must have food. Someone who is experiencing hypoglycemia needs to eat. Some of these examples may seem obvious, but unfortunately, there are people who in their eagerness or desire for exactness must hear that they are not failing in a fast if exceptions or modifications need to be made.

When your family fasts may change depending on life circumstances. Some families have a standard time of year that they enter into a season of fasting. Some families only fast when they are part of a church family that is fasting together. Some families enter into a mindfulness of fasting once a week or once a month.

Start small. For example, we named this devotional the Five Minute Family to encourage families to start with five intentional minutes a day, buuuut we don’t want you to stop at five minutes. We want those five minutes to snowball into habits of positive, godly interactions. So, just as with the five-minute concept, start small with your first family fast. Starting small may mean for only one day, or it may mean to fast from only one food type. Be prayerful together about what God is leading you into.

Our past pastor’s wife spoke at an event, and she shared how she had had no direction about what to share for this special ladies’ lunch, and so she began fasting, and then she said, “but, I just got so very hungry, I ate some food! Ladies, I was hungry!” She went on to explain how even in her quote unquote failure to fast, God met her and shared a specific set of verses He wanted her to focus on for her talk. She went on to speak of the lesson for the day. But, the biggest lesson for me that day was that the only failed fast is the one not undertaken.

We do thank you for joining us this morning and Be blessed!

If we are able, we will have 18 years of constant, daily influence. After that, adulthood will greatly alter our relationships with our children. We once knew a family whose seventeen-year-old daughter was making many unwise decisions and ignoring all of her parents’ efforts to help her, but when most families would have washed their hands and determined that it was just too late to make a difference, this family knew that legally their influence would change dramatically after her 18th birthday, so they acted radically in her final months with them - sending her to live with family who would be super strict and where she would have no contacts outside of trusted family. Nine years later they have a beautifully redeemed relationship in which both parents and the now-adult child are thankful for the last-ditch effort her parents made to make a positive difference in her life. Her parents knew that the end goal of parenting a minor is to produce a godly adult - not a successful adult, not a happy adult, not even a productive adult, but a godly adult.

Why does that mindset - the mindset of godliness - matter so much more than success, happiness, productivity, or anything else really? 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us, “godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” So, biblically speaking, what is godliness? Godliness is not just behaving morally. Godliness is not serving consistently at church. Through his study and exegesis of the story of Enoch, Jerry Bridges summaries that “we could accurately say he was devoted to God. [and] this is the meaning of godliness.” Devotion to God is godliness. Godliness will then lead us to be kind, to work hard, to enjoy life, to serve, and all the rest.

So, five-minute families, how do you being with the end in mind and work toward raising godly children:

First, if you are still a parent to young children, make some wise choices now and be consistent. Read some great Christian parenting books. Speak with some older Christian couples in the church to get their recommendations, and pray. Pray without ceasing.

Second, if you have made mistakes, ask forgiveness and work to make it right. Hezekiah did what he could to raise Manasseh in the knowledge of the Lord, but Manasseh turned his back on the Lord for a number of years. When Manasseh sought out the Lord and humbled himself, God delivered him and Manasseh began to make the changes to honor and glorify the Lord. You can make those changes, too.

Third, realize that your time is shorter than you think. If providing the most toys for your kids (whether those are little kid toys or big kid toys) keeps you from spending time with your kids, then you need to rethink your priorities. Hospice care and other caregivers report that they have never heard anyone wish on their death bed that they had spent more time at the office. Work hard, parents, but play hard, too. Find the balance between provision of needs and provision of YOUR time.

Fourth, as I have told our boys for years… It is never too late to do the right thing! If your children are now adults and you are just coming to the Lord, you can still apologize for the difficulties that may have come from living a godless life when they were younger. Understand their possible skepticism, but keep your eyes on Jesus and point to Him whenever you can.

And, fifth, if you have more than one child, realize that you have changed as life has changed. You must be intentional to communicate about your changes in parenting. Your eldest may resent the loosening of rules for younger siblings, but with open communication, you can still work to build strong relationships.

We want to close with Deuteronomy 6 verses 4 through 6 “Listen, Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates.” Be blessed!

A few years ago at a conference many of the speakers and counselors recommended redirection instead of retirement. A great example is Jim’s mom. She retired after more than 40 years of hard work, and then out of a need for routine and getting moving, she joined the YMCA. From there, she was hired and then spent the last 16 years teaching swim classes for seniors. She didn’t think about redirection in a formal way, but she knew herself and she knew that she needed to keep moving for her own well-being. Job 12:12 reminds us that “[w]isdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” Many of the younger generation could learn much from my mother-in-law, me included.

Unfortunately, we don’t live close enough to my mom to include her in every day events, but I wish we did so that our sons had more of her influence their lives. Thankfully, we moved while our boys were still young and that move brought us significantly closer to Kim’s family. Each member of the older generation realizes just how true 1Corinthians 7:29 is - “the time is limited.” One gentleman in his 80s who came to CVR for a grief retreat after the death of his wife is exploring the option of hosting a Family Camp for his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. He wants an intentional time of sharing God’s truth with his family while providing a fun and refreshing weekend for them all. As God says in Malachi 4:6, “He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents.”

Five-minute families, we must be intentional about incorporating all generations in our lives. For the older generation, we suggest that you:

Choose to engage even if you feel left out. We know families that assume if grandma and grandpa want to be included they will ask about upcoming events, but grandparents often lose track of time so that events and what events are typical for certain stages of life don’t necessarily jump out to them. It takes both the older generation asking to be informed of events and the younger generation - the parent generation - communicating the calendar.

Remember, don’t retire but redirect. You’ll have a greater life expectancy - one study showed that those with more social ties tend to live longer regardless of other factors, and a higher quality of life at that. As well as you get to impact the next generation. Hebrews 13:16 states, “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.” Share your wisdom and joy.

And, also, please volunteer at church - Sunday school and youth events. I loved hearing of the seniors of our church hosting a youth night and playing games with the teens of our church. Take to heart Psalm 92:12-14: “The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. They are planted in the house of the Lord; they flourish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green.”

For the younger generation, we encourage you to:

Get grandma and grandpa more involved. It can be frustrating when grandma and grandpa spoil the grandchildren a bit, but pick your battles. Absolutely, say something if the child’s health - physical or mental - is at risk, but if you are just wishing the grandparents didn’t give in as much, let it go. Those few frustrating moments are a small price to pay for the wealth of love, acceptance, and exposure to a different generation and way of thinking.

And, for those of you who are far from the older generation members of your family, please seek out the older generation at church. Let them inspire you and share their wisdom with you and your children. Encourage your children to seek out the smiles and wisdom of the older generation.

Remember, we are to love one another and bear one another’s burdens. Those needs are different at different life stages, but we can begin with the end in mind and know that just as we want to be included, we must include others - some who are young and need an understanding smile and some who are older, able to share their wisdom and experience; we are all important. Be blessed.

Psalm 71:9 cautions us, “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent.” There will come a time when the mighty man who worked the oil fields needs help standing and his strong grandson will have to be his legs. There is dignity in the cycle of life, and we need not be afraid of it. Galatians 6:2 tells us to [b]ear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. And the beginning of Matthew 25:35 says, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink.” When our loved ones are nearing the end of their lives, we must move to serve and comfort them.

So, five-minute families, how can we begin with the end in mind in regards to end of life issues for our loved ones and ourselves?

First, make a plan. We need to get a plan in place so that our loved ones know our wishes once we are no longer able to communicate those desires completely. But, remember, in making your plans, your loved ones will be the ones taking care of the details. Be thoughtful of them as well as your own wants. And, sometimes, we listen simply to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. At a church where I attended a weekly Bible study, there was a woman with four young children; she and her husband were in their thirties. One day she felt an intense prompting of the Holy Spirit to write out her funeral arrangements and jotted a few notes if any of her children or husband should die. She shared with her pastor and friends how silly she felt, but that a weight lifted once it was written out. A few weeks later, she, her husband, and three of their four children died when their minivan was hit on the interstate by an out-of-control 18-wheeler. The peace that her family and loved ones had because of her written plan was almost palpable as they walked in grief.

Second, invest in end of life needs. We must consider finances of caregiving when that time arrives. 1 Timothy 5:8 tells us, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” My in-laws had different care plans in place so that when he needed home care, palliative care, and hospice care in succession, not only were those financially provided for, but they also had added assistance care so that my mother-in-law could focus on Papa Jerry instead of the house and household needs.

Third, be understanding of different abilities. One of my dear friends has a gift that allows her to anticipate others’ needs before they are aware of the needs themselves. When her mother needed more and more involvement from her children, it was my friend who helped with bills, shopping, cleaning, as well as regular visiting, medical appointments, and more. Her family members became so comfortable in letting her do everything, that they did not step up in the times when they were needed. While her natural gifting and geographical location gave her a greater active role, other family members needed to be more mindful of helping both her and the matriarch of the family.

Fourth, keep discussion open among family members. Some family members do not ever want to discuss end of life plans, even the ones willing to be there to help, but all family members need to be kept in the loop and at least given the option to engage in the discussions, even if they choose to opt out. Now, as you discuss who will do what and help where, really think about it… do you want that granddaughter who is always on her phone whom you have to call to ten times before she answers watching after grandpa whose only communication is barely a whisper?

Fifth, be kind to yourself whether you need care or are giving care. Philippians 2:4 says, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” That verse indicates that we are to look to our own interests as well as others’ interests. Communicate your needs as caregiver and communicate your needs if you are being cared for.

As we face end of life issues either for ourselves or a loved one, we strongly recommend a support group for caregivers and a separate group for the one experiencing the losses of freedom (if possible). God encourages us to be there for each other in the good and the bad. We can lift one another up and face the end of our earthly lives with dignity and love and kindness. This week, take a moment to review our list and see if you can step up your actions in beginning with the end in mind. Be blessed.

When we focus on accumulating wealth or fame or even simple pleasures here on earth, we are setting ourselves up to experience great losses. Ed Stetzer puts it this way: “Live in a contrast between now and not yet. Paul says we “groan while we are in this tent, burdened as we are” (2 Cor. 5:4). We groan because we are in this imperfect, broken, struggling reality, but we look forward to the time when that reality is replaced with something better, something greater.”

Live now as a citizen of heaven. Bible.org in its article Developing A Heavenly Mindset says this: “Some have said it is possible to be “so heavenly minded that we are no earthly good.” However, when you look at the history of the church, it was those who were the most heavenly minded who did the most good.” So, five-minute families, how can we begin with the end in mind and be heavenly minded right now?

First, don’t try to make heaven on earth for yourself. Matthew 6:19-21 inspires us to lay up our treasures in heaven. Specifically, it states, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Have you ever cleaned the kitchen just to have your family members come in and make a mess again? Frustrating, isn’t it? Imagine that on the eternal scale. However, the work we do with heaven in mind has a lasting impact.

Second, study who you are in Christ and to Christ. Understand that our position in heaven does not change no matter what is happening here on earth. Having a full understanding of who we are in Christ and to Christ gives us earthly peace about our heavenly home.

Third, continuously examine your thoughts about heaven. Do you hold false beliefs about what heaven means or is? Make sure you write down what you think heaven is so that you are aware of the beliefs that are driving your thoughts and actions in this earthly life.

Fourth, study scripture that explains or comments on heaven. As always, we must point back to Scripture - not our own thoughts about heaven or some theologian’s comments - but God’s Truth. By examining Revelation 7:15-17, John 14:2, Philippians 3:20, Matthew 24:35, and many more, we can get an accurate image of heaven and some of the depths of God’s abundant blessings in it.

Fifth, look forward to sharing in Christ’s glory. Colossians 3:4 reminds us, “And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.” To look forward to the end goal of spending a sweet and glorious eternity in heaven with God, the riches of this world begin to pale in comparison and the cares and burdens are but speedbumps to slowly maneuver around as we continue on to our ultimate glorification.

More fully, Colossians 3 verses 1 through 4 encourages us, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

What a wonderful blessing that we can begin this new year with less anxiety, keeping the real purpose in mind of ALL that we are doing. As Luke 14:28 states, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” We can contribute to an abundant life here on earth by beginning with the end in mind. A resource we highly recommend is a book by Matt McGee titled The View From the Rocking Chair.

Thank you for joining us for this first Five Minute Family of 2022. May the Lord bless and keep you; may His light shine upon you. Happy New Year!

But, we must realize that this past holiday and this week in-between joyful evenings are not just about the food, fellowship, and gifts. It all - All. Everything. The food. The fellowship. The gifts. The downtime. The hustle and bustle. Everything. - everything should be about our Savior. For unto us a child was born. Not just any child of course. The Son of God. The Son of Man. The King of kings and Lord of Lords. Prince of peace. Jesus Christ. Emmanuel.

Let’s turn our thoughts to 2 Corinthians 5:21 for a moment, “He made Him who knew no sin to be sin in our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” In that verse we hear the word might. Might. Is that what we are looking for in all the celebrations and gift exchanges, time sending New Year’s cards and staying up late playing games? Might. A look at the Greek word: ginomai used in that verse and a perusal through a lexicon gives us a definition: Be, become, come to pass. But the definition doesn’t take the mood and context into account. The mood adds details- specifically, direction to the verb. In this case, it directs it toward present or future probabilities. Possibilities - that’s what we are still on this earth for. The possibilities of more folks coming to a saving knowledge of Christ. The possibilities of deepening our knowledge of and relationship with the Lord. Possibilities in our family and friend relationships. Possibilities are impossibilities without the ‘might’ of Jesus Christ.

You know, this year, we sent out a Christmas card that said on it “what a year!’ I was excited to get a card that exclaimed the excitement and chaos of the year. When a friend said she liked it, she pointed out that she wasn’t sure which way she should take it: “what a year!” (happy) or “what a year! (exhausted). Honestly, if you have listened for any length of time, just like my friend knew, you would know that the negative way could be a very real possibility of how I meant it. However, not once in the whole time of creating the photo or stuffing the envelopes with the photo did I think the exasperated “what a year!” For the past few weeks, I have been in a place of hopefulness. It has, quite honestly, been refreshing. The impossible is possible with the ‘might’ of Jesus Christ.

Mights and ifs are only possible when we see the Truth. Our family for years has added different adornaments to our tree that focus on names and aspects of Jesus. They include:

The Vine

Light of the world

Bright morning star

Lion of Judah

Lamb of God

Bread of life

King of kings

Giver of living water

Good shepherd

The door

Immanuel

Savior

Let’s take a look at one of the names that we can ascribe to Jesus: Jesus IS the prince of peace. You will not have peace simply because he is peace. If you accept him as the prince of peace and allow him to be the prince of peace in your life, you will experience peace. You will have his peace when you walk in it. It is always possible, but you MIGHT miss it if you don’t accept it.

He will bring what we ourselves could never bring... Peace.

Another example from our simple list: What about the Bread of life? We are filled by that bread only if we receive the gift of that bread and we eat of that bread.

Think about each possibility. Each might. Each if. Challenge your family to focus on a descriptor or name for Jesus and see how you either accept or deny His goodness in your life.

2022 does not have to be a 2020 also. No matter what happens around the globe or in your town, you can seek the Lord’s peace, love, and joy, and shine that throughout the new year into your family, your friends, and your community. Jesus has blessed you and your family another day to love each other IF you choose to do so.

From Clear View Retreat we wish you a Happy New Year. Be blessed.

Mary and Joseph traveled to a crowded town with constant noise and smells. It is perfectly normal to dislike crowds. Some people simply feel frustrated by being delayed on their path, some are overstimulated by the noise - both auditory and visual, and some people have true social anxiety. It may have been difficult to find food, especially if there were no rooms to be found. That many people and animals would have been a continual cacophony that would have been wearing and even frustrating if you were pregnant, hangry, and just plain tired from the journey.

Let’s think of her labor and delivery of the sweet baby Jesus for a moment. No epidural, no doctor, no midwife… no clean rags - just a dirty, odorous stable. She may have been able to labor and deliver on clean straw or hay, but have you ever lain in straw or hay? It isn’t necessarily the most comfortable.

What about your house? Is it a mess from those last minute decorations you are putting up or wrapping you are doing? Maybe it is from the simple paper crafts you are doing with the kiddos this year. Maybe it is a mess because you are blessed to be surrounded by family - and all the things they bring with them and all the extra trash they generate. In any case, look around at your mess for a bit. How does the mess make you feel? If everywhere I look holds a clutter, I begin to feel agitated. The list of tasks piles up in my mind, and the chaos of the visual becomes a chaos in my brain. Research shows that clutter can affect anxiety levels, sleep quality, and focusing capabilities.

So, five-minute families, how should we deal with the messy - whatever your messy may be this Christmas season:

First, we recommend you take 5 minutes to make a meal plan. The meal plan should not just be the desserts you need to bake or the Christmas meal itself. Include some veggies and fruits and other healthy snacks to better fuel your body and your brain to keep the nutritional mess that can ensue with too many sweets at bay.

Second, plan two or three 5-minute pick-up times through the day to simply focus on the clutter. By removing some of the clutter that is accumulating, you help your mind and heart stay focused on what’s truly important.

Third, add in two or three 5-minute cleaning times. After you pick up the clutter, take just a few minutes to clean the underneath surface. Don’t feel that the whole room must be cleaned at once (unless you truly have the time and cleaning doesn’t keep you from being with your loved ones). Some families clean the kitchen all together at least once a day through the holidays so that no one person has to bear the full weight of the cleaning going on.

Fourth, we must take 5 minutes a day for a mood and emotions check-in. For little ones in the family, this can be done with a mood chart printed off the internet. For older kids and adults, you can speak briefly with them and ask them what is happening in their hearts. If someone is struggling, you may need to go on immediately to our fifth suggestion.

Fifth, each person may need 5 (or 10 or 15) minute deep-dive emotional check-in at least once during this week depending on what has been happening, especially in the preceding year.

We need to understand that each of us is affected differently by the sights and smells and sounds of family fun times. The game playing is fun but someone may be in overload mode. The cookie making is yummy, but someone may be remembering a special moment with someone who has died. Whatever is happening in our homes, let’s minister to one another as Christ so lovingly taught us through His example by coming to earth, giving up all His heavenly perfection - and cleanliness, and coming in the form of a little babe, entering into our messy world and making a way for us to live not only an eternally abundant life but an earthly abundant life as well.

May God shine His holy light on your family this season, guiding each of you into deeper relationships one with another. Be blessed and Merry Christmas!

Kind of a deep beginning… but what are we really discussing today… Christmas decorations! Why decorations after such an opening? Well, as someone who has struggled with mild anxiety and depression, especially around the holidays, Christmas decorations have come to mean way more than just simple décor for me. My quickness in putting up decorations is often indicative of what is happening in my head and heart. Now, in full disclosure, we have zero - that’s right - zero decorations out right now, but this year it is due to construction projects and time, not emotions.

Whether you are a November 1, day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, or ‘somewhere random’ decorating type of person, decorations are part of the ceremony of the celebration of Christmas. Decorations can bring smiles to saddened faces, and they can work to draw a family closer - if we allow them to. Of course, the stress of breakables, getting the tree just right, placement of knick-knacks, and more can divide us if we allow them, but a five-minute family knows that five minutes as a start can be the difference in connection or isolation. Let’s face it, in most households, the bulk of the decorating can fall on mama. That - in and of itself - can be so isolating. Though, of course, there are those folks who want to do all the decorating themselves. So, as long as you aren’t one of the ‘let me do it all myself’ folks, how do we incorporate everyone and make decorating for Christmas a good and wonderful time that focuses on Jesus?

Make sure you are working within an age-appropriate amount of time. Break up the decorating with crafts, snacks, or just simple down-time; this is important for families with young children or children with special needs. For those type-A personalities out there, make sure you start at a time that will allow you these breaks because as you begin to stress about the house being a mess, the more fun you take away from everyone else.

Be sure to assign age-appropriate tasks. Some families take turns having a kiddo put the tree topper on. Some families always have dad do it. Some families aren’t organized enough to remember who does it year to year and it is simply random. Whatever the tradition part, make sure that you have the kids have tasks that can allow them some level of autonomy so that they feel fully included and take pride and ownership of some of the decorating.

Scale it back or beef it up depending on the emotional, mental, and physical needs of the family members that year. Sometimes, you are ahead of the game and will be able to do a full advent calendar (by the way, these don’t need to be expensive, it can be a small single piece of candy separated daily from one candy container); you can be well-organized and do a full Jesse tree with tree and ornament creation; or even an elf on the shelf (or one of the alternatives such as shepherd on a search or the rascally reindeer). Some years, though, instead of adding a ‘Names of Jesus’ ornament each day, you may have to add them all at once in a condensed discussion time.

Add something new but keep the traditions that matter the most. We have to admit, some of us get bored having decorations the same way every year. By adding a new decoration or game to the decoration festivities, we can spice things up a bit but keep those elements that have come to mean the most to our family identity.

Another thing to include while decorating as a family is music. I was on a Christmas music strike for years. Other than Christmas Day, Christmas songs just bugged me, so on those years, Christian praise and worship music took its place. That way, I wasn’t irritated, but we were keeping our minds on our purpose for decorating in the first place.

Remember, Christmas decorations are not about putting on a show. They are not about outdoing your neighbors. They are not even about winning a prize in the hearts of your children or grandchildren. And, they can most certainly become a distraction from the point of all of our celebrating which is the birth of the Savior of the world. Christmas decorations should be an outward expression of wanting to pursue the joy of Jesus. The joy of simplicity in low-decorating years or the joy of complexity in extensive ones. He brings them both. Cherish one another in all of them. Be blessed!

Notable greats throughout history have applied the “praise publicly; criticize privately” adage and applied it quite effectively. Vince Lombardi won five national football championships, and he was a big proponent of the concept. Many families will adopt such a motto or tailor it to themselves with something more along the lines of “praise in public; punish in private” or “public commendations; private corrections.”

Appreciation feels good, and as family members, we should desire to bring good and fond attention to our loved ones’ strengths. Proverbs 27:2 points out that we are to let another praise us instead of ourselves, so if family members make it their goal to praise one another in public, it helps build trust and admiration within the family unit.

To be biblically strong, our family identities must include a culture of constructive correction. A large part of parenting is remembering that Hebrews 12:6 tells us that even “the Lord disciplines the one he loves and punishes every son he receives.” Constructive feedback about our weaknesses and how to address them is helpful and good. While the term criticism may have negative connotations, we must remember the discipline, instruction, admonition, and punishment are all aspects of learning that a child (and, truly, we adults as well) need in order to grow more mature and responsible and to grow in the sanctification process.

A second reason for private correction comes from Matthew 18:15 which encourages us that, “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” If we step into a public forum for correction that should have begun in private, we lose the opportunity to deepen understanding and growth. Proverbs 15:1 tells us that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Even if we don’t intend it, a word of correction in public can be taken much more harshly than a word in private because embarrassment adds to the feelings and thought patterns.

However, there are exceptions, and a five-minute family must know when to apply the guideline and when to break it. Most of the time, it is a fairly good policy to follow. Sometimes, our family member will mess up big time in public. If that behavior is left unchecked in public, then other people outside the family may think that this wrong behavior is acceptable. If someone outside the family unit was wronged or hurt in the process, then a public correction may be needed for the good of everyone involved. We must be loving and prayerful if we feel that this is the correct approach.

On a final note, please realize that another instance in which the “public praise; private correction” idea might not be the best would be in the case of an Introverted family member, especially children. For some people, any public acknowledgment of them can bring them much embarrassment and concern, and may even lead them not to do well in the future because they do not want to be in the spotlight. We must know our loved ones and meet them where they are in this occasion.

Parents, we should encourage our children to respectfully address their concerns about us as well. Not publicly but privately. Now, we can address our own parenting fails publicly if we feel that others who know us will be able to learn from our mistakes, but nonetheless, our children need to know how to address concerns that they see in others and working through those challenges within the family unit will allow you to grow in your parenting skills and your child to grow in their interpersonal communication skills.

If you and your family as well as families you are living life with want to learn more communication and biblical relating principles, we would love to chat with you about coming to Clear View Retreat for a family camp next year. A family camp is out of the norm in most circles, but the families who have made the trip say that they learned together, had fun together, grew closer, and have better relationships after investing a weekend of time in each other. Check out our website clearviewretreat.org for more information. Be blessed.

Each family is different but many of us want to show our best side to others. Family posters often read something along the lines of “In our family we share. We laugh a lot. // We always do our best. We have fun. We’re often loud and even silly. // We make mistakes because we’re real. We forgive each other. We say I’m sorry. // We give big hugs. We stick together. We show love.”

Posters like that sound cute and all, but what happens when we do make those mistakes? Family life gets hard in those moments. And, those hard moments are hard enough when it is just a nuclear family. What happens when the extended family is involved? What happens, Five Minute Families, when a large portion of the family makes a mistake - a sinful mistake - that hurts a single member of the family?

Let’s explore a specific example. In family community, often, someone more “in the know” fills others in about someone else’s life. Moments such as these are necessary and good to help us all stay connected, since there is not always time for us to speak individually at length with everyone. However, what will sometimes happen is that the sharing session becomes a gossip session. Once sin has entered in, it is tough to shut such situations down. So, let’s say your family didn’t heed the prompting of the Holy Spirit and a gossip session was held, and the family member who was discussed was hurt when they found out. What do you do now?

1. Take individual responsibility. One person cannot speak for everyone who participated in the wrongful behavior (in our example - gossip). But, each individual should do some soul searching and listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit that he or she takes responsibility for his or her, no matter how small. James 5:16 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed.” Depending on the circumstance, the family as a whole may need to make a collective apology, or each individual may need to apologize.

2. Review where things went off the rail into sinfulness. This can be tricky because you cannot let the review become another problematic gossip time or a time of trying to defend bad behavior. Pray if individual review is best or collective review. It might be best to ask the offended family member how they would like you to proceed.

3. Communicate your thoughts, feelings, and desires lovingly. In our example, if you felt you had a legitimate reason for bringing forth your comment, go only to the pertinent person, and be willing to focus solely on that thought. Don’t speculate and don’t defend.

4. Make plans to make amends as long as it won’t further the hurt. A sincere apology is one step. Discussing - and not defending - the offense if the offended person desires might be necessary so that the hurt family member can more fully understand the situation. You will need to let go of your pride and understand that the offended family member is fully within their rights to be angry and distrusting of you and others. Even if they forgive you, it will take time for their feelings to align with their choice AND it will take time to rebuild the trust and camaraderie that was damaged by your sin.

5. Discuss how to better handle a similar situation in the future. If a similar starting situation is likely to occur again, make sure all members of the extended family are aware that keeping to godly behavior is of utmost importance. James 4:17 reminds us that “it is sin to know the good and yet not do it.” The Holy Spirit will lead you in how to share and not gossip.

Please note that this Five Minute Family is not just for dysfunctional families. This is for all families. No matter how much we want to honor the Lord and point to Him, we will fail. When we fail within the whole family, it can be tempting to point the finger at someone else. Or to say, well, at least it doesn’t happen all the time. Nope. Sin is sin. As one article said, “We may have died to sin, but sin has not yet died out in us.” AND a sin requires confession, repentance, and a change of behavior. Further prayer and guidance on how to proceed is always a wise practice.

Love one other. Confess your sins to one another. Forgive one another. Be joyful together and give God all the glory when He redeems a broken relationship. If you would like to hear more about our 2022 Family Camp options, check out clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

What about those of us who might be struggling to be thankful? I am not talking about the logical thankfulness of being alive or having food on the table. I am talking about struggling to be thankful in our first thoughts and ongoing thoughts. For some that is due to real, right-now events such as a spouse having just died or a child addicted to meth. For others that struggle may be due to past hurts and unhealed wounds, and for yet others, mental illness may keep their brains from making the transition to thankfulness. So how do we navigate the Thanksgiving holiday when we are struggling?

In pain, grief, trauma, or mental illness, hormones and neurochemicals are disrupted. Those disruptions can cause fatigue, anxiety, loss of appetite, disturbed sleep and more. The brain is adversely affected by all of those. In those times, it can feel monumentally difficult to join in with the ‘thankfulness brigade.’

Yet, we need thankfulness in our hearts, minds, and lives. We need thankfulness spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Being thankful is known to raise “feel good” hormones and lessen stress hormones. We humans are inclined to covetousness, and we often focus on what we don’t have. Philippians 4 verse six begins “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” The great thing is that God’s word doesn’t end there, He goes on to say, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” By intentionally choosing an attitude of thankfulness, we allow God to better guard our hearts and minds.

God created us with the ability to rewire our brains. The technical term is neuroplasticity. Just as an athlete practices in order to build muscle and neural memory, we must choose to build up our thankfulness “muscles.” We can meditate on God’s Word daily. We can list what we are thankful for. We can listen to praise and worship music. We can choose to set a single goal daily and congratulate ourselves when we meet it. We can quiet our desires and focus instead on the needs of life. Rewiring the brain does take time, however; so here are five practical ideas to use right now this holiday weekend:

1. For those of us who are struggling with finding the good or joy in life, don’t steal the joy from those around you. You may not feel like joining in and singing songs or playing games, but you can be present and listen. Don’t sulk in your pain, but you don’t have to pretend either.

2. For those of us who don’t struggle with mental health issues, one of the best things we can do is to accept that we don’t know but that struggle is real within our loved ones. Recently, I have listened to and shared often the song “Relate” by For King and Country. In the chorus, they sing:

I don't know what it's like to be you

You don't know what it's like to be me

What if we're all the same in different kinds of ways?

Can you, can you relate?

We both know what it's like to be hurt

We both know what it's like to feel pain

3. Someone struggling needs to be slow to speak, not because you are angry but because you might not realize how often negativity comes out of your mouth. We need to spend a bit of extra time taking our thoughts captive before speaking in a supposed-to-be joyful setting. Be positive in what we say to our loved ones and be positive in what we say to ourselves. And, yes, that matters greatly.

4. Don’t just throw Scripture at a struggling person. God’s Word does not return void, but as His hands and feet, we need to share Scripture lovingly and kindly. If you simply want the other person to behave more in the manner you would desire, then keep quiet. If, however, you see them struggling, and you can nonjudgmentally share God’s healing word, then do so.

5. All of us - those struggling with gratefulness and those who are overflowing with gratitude this year - need to take time every day (how about five minutes to start?) to focus on the positive elements of that particular day. It may be small - I got a sip of hot coffee before getting busy, or it might be life-changing - my husband is breathing on his own for the first time in three weeks, but no matter what it is, write it down and give the God of the universe thanks for the good in this life.

As our pastor shared this past week, the Dead Sea cannot sustain life because it only receives water but never gives any away. Remember to focus on giving joy when you are able, and praying for each other to be able to find a way into thankfulness this week and every day in Christ. Be blessed!

I was taken back to when our two oldest sons decided to walk from Maryland to Tennessee. Mind you, they were six and four years old. They gathered their gear and set off. Annnnd, they promptly got lost.

The boys had been playing on our screened-in back porch inside our closed-gate, fenced-in back yard, and their shoes were off. Kim went inside to tend to their infant brother. In less than ten minutes, they were gone.

When I saw that their shoes, blanket, and snack goldfish were gone, I immediately knew that something was wrong. I called for them, knocking on neighbors’ doors as I ran frantically through the neighborhood.

Then, two neighbors told Kim they had seen the boys at the front of the house on our dead end street and one remarked that a car had driven down, turned around, and then he didn’t see the boys again. We called the police.

As minutes ticked away, I began bargaining with God. “Lord, if they have been taken, please please let it be by someone who so desperately wants to have children that they are simply not in their right mind. Lord, if you will allow this to be the case, if they have been taken, I will accept never seeing them again.”

As I drove around, I prayed for the safety of my sons. God had seen us through difficult moments before, so I knew that I could place my trust in Him.

At some point, I placed our infant son into the caring arms of an elder neighbor who could not help search but was willing to hold a screaming child for almost an hour as we searched. Twenty-one adults and that many (or more) children helped us search. The police sent out a unit, and nearby family came to sit with us. The police officer went to check a sighting before coming to us. A construction worker who had stayed onsite as the others fanned out to search waved me over. One of his coworkers had spotted the boys.

I was driving around that area and found our two young sons over a mile away from our home, carrying a 6-foot metal pole and a metal baseball bat because - as the oldest said later - “we knew a plastic sword wouldn’t really protect us.”

The lessons we learned about spiritual lostness while finding our physically lost sheep include:

1. First, fear will lead you not to listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. God had been whispering for me to get on my knees and pray for my children. But, I felt that I had to keep going, keep looking, and since praying while moving isn’t wrong, that is what I chose to do instead. When my sister-in-law arrived, she said that my brother-in-law had immediately stopped working, gotten on his knees and begun to pray, and he felt full assurance from the Lord that the boys were safe. My thought was “isn’t that great for him but I don’t have my kids.” When I got word they were found, I realized that I had been disobedient and that though now with so many people around it would be embarrassing to hit my knees, that is exactly what I did in praise and thankfulness.

2. Second, we were willing to leave our safe and secure son to find the lost ones. It was not an easy time for him or the neighbor, but we did what was right in the moment, and we extended extra cuddles upon being reunited. Many times as parents we must allow our children to experience uncomfortable moments and then help them process those emotions later.

3. Third, we use bargaining to feel better and that reveals a false belief about God. Viewing God as a vending machine who will give us what we want as long as we put in enough of the cost is not how He operates. His grace and favor are free, and while we may not always understand the circumstances of the bad that befalls us, we must check our desires to manipulate God.

4. Fourth, discipline was necessary. As Hebrews says, “No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful.” The boys needed to understand the severity of what they had done. I did not enjoy punishing them, but as they stated later, “We would have done it again if you hadn’t.”

5. And, finally, we must remember the “overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.” When our children were returned into our arms, the most overwhelming emotions were relief and an intense desire to cherish each one more deeply.

Reviewing this now funny anecdote was helpful to see the lessons God taught us through it. Lostness requires immediate attention and diligence. What godly lessons do you need to see in past family moments? Thank you for joining us this week. Be blessed!

Do you spend as much time thinking about how to build a strong family in Christ as some people spend thinking about getting into college? Unfortunately, most of us just let life flow around us and fit God into the picture when it works for our schedule OR when everything around us is falling apart.

So, let’s take the next few minutes to compare the college application process to walking the Christian life.

First, God isn’t a college admissions team. He sent His Son to die for you. Believe in Him and you are in. By grace you have been saved through faith, that is the gift of God. You do not have to be good enough, try harder, clean yourself up before coming. And, there is no need to go dorm room shopping. God is preparing a place that is perfect for you! John 14:1-3 tells us, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”

Second, college admissions want to see you stand out and prepare well for college life and making them proud to call you an alumnus. But, with God you cannot do anything to increase your chances of getting accepted because as a believer you already are accepted. Your children don’t have to be the best behaved kid in the room to prove you are a good and godly parent. You don’t have to say yes to everything you are asked to do in order to be accepted by God’s family either.

Third, growing in Christ - the sanctification process - takes work, and just like a college applicant has had to show themselves to be well-rounded by being committed to one or two extracurricular activities, we need to get involved in the service of the church. Given what James says about works in chapter 2 verses 18 and “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. … You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works,” we must realize that there is work to do while we are still on this earth.

Fourth, college hopefuls are encouraged to invest a lot of time in their application essays. It is said that “The college essay is the perfect opportunity to show schools that you are not just a statistic. … An essay provides the colleges another opportunity to communicate with you on a personal level.” Your testimony is an opportunity to share what God has done in your life and what He has done in your families’ lives. You might think that since you weren’t saved out of rock-bottom addiction or since you haven’t lived a life of suffering, you don’t have a testimony to share with others, but just like the college essay, it isn’t about the mind-blowing moments. Your testimony is about what God has done and continues to do in and through you. Take time to jot down the important points of your testimony and ask God to begin bringing people you can share it with.

And, fifth, just as college admission teams see through the ranking game that many students try to play, families should not try to “rank” themselves higher within the church by giving more money or more time. Let God lead where you should be serving and giving, and try to rest confidently in the role He has you and your family playing in your local church.

Growing in Christ takes work, more work than getting into a good college. How much work are you doing? Are you willing to argue with the kids to get up in time to get to church? Are you trying to have regular family devotions? Are you trying to memorize Scripture together? Just as the college admissions process includes schoolwork, homework, extracurricular activities, and the application itself, the Christian life involves corporate worship and learning, Bible study, prayer, and fellowship.

Remember, we aren’t trying to distinguish ourselves for attention or for greater honor in heaven. We are trying to distinguish ourselves for God’s glory and our good while still here on this earth.

Thanks for joining us this morning. Be blessed!

Today we will conclude our series about biblical loves. Agape, phileo, and storge loves are all specifically used in the New Testament, but the Greek word eros, or romantic love, is not explicitly used. It is, however, implicitly referenced in the New Testament as physical guidelines and boundaries are discussed in 1 Corinthians 7 verses 5, 8, and 9 as well as in Hebrews 13:4. Eros love is described in detail in the Old Testament in the Song of Solomon. Eros love is a good thing, though the root word has been used in other words that have been corrupted by the world.

Eros love is a holy, ordained physical love between a husband and wife. And, it is to be honored as Hebrews 13:4 states: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the [] immoral and adulterous.” As a gift from God, we must remember to cherish and protect. God does not shy away from romantic love, and neither should we. Husbands and wives should study the Song of Solomon together if they are having any concerns in the area of romantic love. Some people want to shy away from the passionate illustrations of the Song of Solomon and explain them away by saying the verses are simply an analogy of God’s unending love for us, His bride. But, even if we do that, we must still address that God allowed the analogy to be based on the passionate, demonstrative love between a husband and a wife.

So, how does a Godly couple exemplify eros love?

1. Be communicative. Sharing your thoughts, feelings, desires, and concerns is important to improve how you and your spouse experience eros love. You cannot read each other’s minds, and communicating clearly will deepen your overall relationship with one another.

2. Be demonstrative. Husbands and wives need to understand one another’s needs and realize that eros love is not always just the final act. Some individuals do not ever want to hold hands in public, but others feel extra special when their spouse simply holds hand with them. Communicate your needs and desires for how your spouse can best demonstrates his or her love for you.

3. Be wise. Stay within the boundaries God has placed in this area of life. Following His design will produce a richer, more fulfilling eros love within your marriage.

4. Be protective. I heard a concept earlier this week that I think applies in numerous situations, including eros love, and that concept is to communicate the schedule. Sometimes, young parents will let the physical exhaustion of having young kids and older parents will let the emotional toll of having older kids weigh them down. It may seem counterintuitive to schedule your time together, but by making sure you have communicated your calendar and set aside time together, then you are showing your commitment to addressing one another’s romantic love needs.

5. Be proactive. You each must feel comfortable with your time together. Maybe, one of you is having a medical issue. Think through how that issue may affect your romantic love, and make a plan that will deal with the negatives that may come with it. Spend time anticipating one another’s needs and guard your time together no matter what life’s circumstances are coming your way.

If you have had any abuse or an assault in the past, please seek counsel from a qualified, respected counselor. When sin twists and distorts something that God created to be beautiful and wonderful, we often equate others who see the good with those who committed the bad. God knows your pain, and He can bring healing. It may take time, and for some people it will certainly take much more time than it will for others.

We thank you for joining us for this series about the different types of loves addressed in the Bible. May God reveal His love to you in an extraordinary way this week as you seek to glorify Him in all areas of loving each other. Be blessed!

Often, parents will mention how they “never knew true love until they had a child of their own.” One mother told me that her love for her first child revealed more to her of God’s nature than any sermon ever has. Storge is quickly defined as a “natural love among family members.” While it is most often referred to as the parent/child love, it is a familial love among brothers, sisters, and grandparents as well.

God has Paul use storge in a compound word form found in Romans 12:10 - “Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters. Take the lead in honoring one another.” And, that compound word for love in the original text is the combination of both phileo and storge - two loves combined by God for us to use to create an example of biblical community to the world. Thus, to take a comprehensive, biblical view of storge, we can see that it is a love of unity - unity in our families AND in our biblical communities.

Let’s take that first part of Romans 12:10 - to love as brothers and sisters, and let’s talk about some brothers and sisters of the Bible.

1. Mary of the Mary/Martha sister combo shows us how to be a good role model. While Martha wanted Mary to fulfill what she saw as a family and societal obligation, Jesus pointed out that Mary was setting a good example of how to place God preeminently in our lives.

2. Esau shows us how to forgive within families even when we ourselves have made mistakes. Jacob and Esau had been separated for 21 years when Jacob returned. And, though Jacob had been blessed by God in his endeavors, Jacob was afraid of what Esau would do to him. Esau instead welcomed Jacob home and showered him with love.

3. Jacob’s sons show us to accept one another despite our differences. In the beginning the twelve sons of Jacob were the epitome of a dysfunctional family, but they had to learn the lesson that our differences and our unique purposes can benefit one another.

4. Miriam kept an eye out for Moses when he had to be separated from their family and put into potential harm. She went out of her way to make sure that his rescuer - the Pharaoh’s daughter - would get him the love and care he needed from their very own mother. Family members and church family members must be ready to go the extra mile for one another.

5. I don’t often think of Andrew and Peter, two of Jesus’s disciples, as brothers, but, they were, and as soon as Andrew heard that the Messiah had come, he ran and got his brother. In sharing his faith and joy, he got to be part of God’s plan to bring Peter - the original Rock - to the Lord.

Many people do not treat their biblical communities with a family-type love. They hold church members at arms’ length, never choosing authenticity, service, and openness. We cannot force others to choose to view the church as family, but we can the best examples we can be by being good role models, forgiving one another, being devoted to one another, going out of our way to fill in the gaps for each other, and speaking the joyful wisdom of the Good News. The Bible is filled with one-anothering verses, and loving each other with a storge love is paramount to know how to one-another.

Remember, 1 John 4:20 tells us that "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen." And Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."

Five minute families should not just attend church; we must BE the church. We must be family - holding one another with storge love that brings honor and glory to the Lord. Thank you for joining us. We’d enjoy hearing from you on our clearviewretreat.org blog or over on our facebook page. Have a wonderful week. Be blessed!

As we step into week 2 of our love series, please realize that we are not encouraging folks to collect more friends on social media. We need community and we need friends, but we need quality over quantity any day. Last week we discussed God’s unconditional love called agape, and this week we are chatting about a second Greek word for love used in the Bible in a variety of word forms - phileo. Phileo is generally characterized as friendship love or brotherly love.

Now, with brotherly love, we are not talking about the typical ways brothers are known to interact, such as two teenage brothers fighting it out and calling their disagreement settled at the end of the physical fight, nor are we talking about brotherly challenges of random competition. We are not even talking about misplaced brotherly protection when you know your brother was wrong and needs to be called out but you won’t let someone outside the family do the calling out. In brotherly love, we are talking about the fondness and enjoyment of having a close relationship.

A deep, abiding love is not only found in families. When two people who are not in each other’s family delight in each other but not in a romantic, attraction-sort of way, then that love is best described with the Greek word for love which is phileo, sometimes written or described with the words philia or philadelphia. Philadelphia’s exact translation is brotherly love. And, here at CVR, Phileo is the action that we are referring to when we talk about building biblical community and one-anothering.

Think about Jesus’s relationship with Lazarus. Both Mary and Martha as well as the Jews who saw Jesus weep upon hearing of Lazarus’s death refer to His love for His friend as phileo - brotherly, friendship love. To cultivate a healthy brotherly, friendship love, let’s turn to Romans 12. Verses 9 through 16 are sometimes labeled the “Christian Ethics” list. The Matthew Henry Bible Commentary classifies those verses as seven loves that Christians owe to one another. Here are our five suggestions for expressing phileo in a biblical manner:

1. Be respectful - Verse 10 says honor one another, verse 11 admonishes us to not be lazy, and verse 16 reminds us to consider others before ourselves. Each of those embody an element of respect.

2. Be generous - Verse 13 expresses how we must share with those in need as well as to pursue hospitality. Think for a moment about the feeling you get when you are in the presence of someone who has taken the time to think of your comforts, needs, and desires. Hospitality does not require the generosity of money; it requires the generosity of a heart’s attitude that gives time, thought, and passion to another person.

3. Be sympathetic - Verse 14 encourages us to walk together and feel what others are feeling. We mustn’t dismiss if someone is rejoicing or weeping; we must rejoice or weep with them, not just say, “oh, I’ll be praying for you” and then going about our business, never thinking of them again in that season.

4. Be united - Verse 11 tells us to stay in the Spirit, serving the Lord. And, verse 16 continues that idea by specifically stating that we are to live in harmony. Without unity in the Spirit, harmony is impossible.

5. Be peaceful and kind - Verse 14 prompts us to remember that even when someone wrongs us, we are to show brotherly, friendship love by blessing them.

To phileo our brothers and sisters in Christ, a five-minute family must be willing to go outside their house walls and work on the biblical community God has brought them to. If you don’t have a biblical community, we strongly encourage you to visit some local churches and speak to the pastors or teachers in your area to find a strong, Bible-believing, Bible-preaching community of Christ-followers. Don’t settle for a fun place with a group of cultural Christians.

Trying to love - or phileo - a group of shallow, masked folks will only lead to heartache. Spend time praying and searching for a group of folks who will build you up and help you through the norms and storms of life is vital to living an abundant life here on earth.

Thank you for joining us this morning, and please let us know what is the best way someone in your life has demonstrated phileo, friendship, brotherly love to you and your family by commenting on our facebook page or our blog at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

I love apple pie. I love my children. I love my husband. I love my parents. I love my job. I love hosting guests in our home. I love dancing. I love… I love… I love… All of those loves cannot possibly mean the same thing in their core. Do I really hold an apple pie on the same emotional and commitment level as my spouse? (Well, maybe on some days… )

The ancient Greeks had many words for the one we all lump together in English as “love.” If you do an internet search, you will find folks writing about the three Greek loves, the four, the six, or the seven. I didn’t find any lists with more than seven though they might be out there. And, if you add in Hebrew, some sites say there are two, three, or four words in Hebrew to properly convey love and its richness. We actually found six different Hebrew words listed among the articles.

It is interesting that the Hebrew language breaks its words for love into separate components of love a bit differently than the Greek does. Hebrew marks love by devotion, protection, and choice, which can be applied to every relationship while the four Greek words that are typically referenced as being used in the Bible are labeled as God’s unconditional love, family love, brotherly love, and marital physical (or passionate) love.

Now, I enjoy etymology, but I am not a “linguaphile” so we will limit our devotions to only four of the Hebrew and Greek words to give us a better understanding of loving one another and five-minute applications for our families. If you have further training or more in-depth knowledge in the study of the words used in the Bible that are translated ‘love,’ please contact us and share your knowledge!

We are going to start with agape, which is the foundation of all lasting love in a five-minute family. According to the New World Encyclopedia, “In the New Testament, the word agape or its verb form agapao (ah-gah-pah-o) appears more than 200 times.”

One passage for example is 1 John 4:7-11 - “Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love. God’s love was revealed among us in this way: God sent his one and only Son into the world so that we might live through him. Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.”

So, how do we agapao with agape? We must follow God’s lead. As John 13:34 tells us, “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another.”

A Yes! magazine published an article that stated, “There is growing evidence that agape is in a dangerous decline in many countries. Empathy levels in the U.S. have declined sharply over the past 40 years, with the steepest fall occurring in the past decade. We urgently need to revive our capacity to care about strangers.”

The world has a false sense of what agape entails. God is not only empathetic with us. He is unconditional. Many folks feel that being unconditional is impossible for us humans because we do not forget even if we want to forgive and our hurts usually influence our future behavior. However, God’s unconditional agape love is:

1. Protective

2. Sacrificial

3. Choosing - as in, He continual chooses a relationship with us

4. Enduring

5. And Just

You, five minute families, with the indwelling Holy Spirit, can absolutely choose to apply each of those five elements to your family relationships. 2 Peter 1:5-7 tenderly reminds us, “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with goodness, goodness with knowledge, knowledge with self-control, self-control with endurance, endurance with godliness, godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” With agape. Our ability to agapao (ah-gah-pah-o) grows as our relationships with the Lord grows. As He pours His agape love into us, we can overflow that agape love and its characteristics into those around us.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Remember to love your family unconditionally Protect, Sacrifice, Choose, Endure, and Be just. Love as God loves. Be blessed!

With that in mind, today's five minutes will focus on Romans 15:14: “And concerning you, my brothers and sisters, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another.”

The Scriptures are full of wisdom, encouragement, and application for life both present and eternal. Today this scripture fulfills those points very well. A former professor of mine, Dr. Robert Kellemen, illuminated this verse several years ago, pointing out God’s “4 C's" within this verse. Those are community, character, content, and competence. So, how can we as Five Minute Families take these points into our relationships?

In our traditional five-point format, let us encourage you through the aspects of Romans 15:14 opening with that which is preeminent.

1. Christ. Nothing starts with without Christ. Many focus on the salvation He brings, which, of course, is a great gift and a great sacrifice He has done for us. Because of that sacrifice we have new life, now and forever. Romans 15:14 highlights not only some of the benefits but also the reality of our newness in Christ. If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, these next 4 points are yours.

2. Community. Just as Paul writes to his audience of believers, he highlights our connection in community. Brothers and sisters. The community of believers goes beyond our immediate families. It's those Christ-followers in our church, the church down the street, the church across the country, and the church around the world. There will be times that you may feel alone, but God is always with us and His saints are there for you as well. Together, in Christ, we are strong!

3. Character. God just said that you are "full of goodness." Let that sink in. Take out your Bible and read it for yourself. Meditate on it. Goodness in yourself? Think back to our first point. Christ. He provides our goodness, and the work of salvation gives us the opportunity to do the right thing as we follow God's Word in our lives. We have the choice to put on the character of Christ.

4. Content. We are also described as "filled with all knowledge." Just the thought of that seems overwhelming because I feel that I am very lacking. With so much to learn, it can seem too much to even fathom. God is not saying that you are omniscient like Him, but we have access to Him, the God of the universe, who created all things and knows all things. When we study His word, our eyes can be opened to who God is and who we are to Him. The Scriptures provide everything for life and godliness. Pray and ask. Seek and you shall find. Listen for the Holy Spirit to guide you.

5. Competence. Our last point today, but certainly not the end of the amazing wonders of God because He never ends. As the scripture says, we are "able to admonish or instruct one another." We can teach others these wonders of God. We can warn of the dangers of the unrighteous life and encourage righteousness. We know bringing the good news of God into our homes can be difficult, but remember that you are not alone. Even Jesus was rejected by His hometown but He didn't give up. Your life changed in Christ, and that witness is powerful. Your opportunity to shine for Christ and show the grace of God to others is not a maybe but a yes. You can because Christ did.

To you who hear this message, take this scripture to heart. If you don't know the love of God through Christ, we would love to help you know Him more and pray for you. To you who are believers, take this scripture home. You can because Christ did. As a Christian, you are a child of God. You have a new nature and new nurture.

We pray that you go forth in the power of our Lord Jesus Christ to reflect His goodness and knowledge. Share Him with the community He has around you, especially your family.

Thank you for sharing your time with us. Find out more about our ministry at clearviewretreat.org. Go in the grace of Christ and be blessed.

What does that really mean? Reflecting. It is taking time to look at several factors in your life. One of those factors that intersect all areas is relationships. This morning let’s talk about the concept that we call ‘the relationship stutter step’. What happens when you walk along the path with someone - hand in hand - and you are out of step with each other? The walking isn't as smooth as it could be. There is jostling and unnecessary extra movements and sensations all along the journey. Until someone stutter steps and puts you back in sync. Then, the walk becomes immediately easier and less troublesome. Here are some biblical examples:

Psalm 133:1 “How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity!”

Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

And, a summary of 1 Corinthians 12:12-26 “For just as the body is one and has many members … But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. … But God has so composed the body, … that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.”

Here's an applicable example: loading up for a long trip which typically includes several questions - some asked several times, last minute agendas, and protests even of how and when things are being done. The process is rarely smooth, everyone is jostling against the next person, and if no one is willing to stutter step out of the chaos, everyone gets tossed about - with the person in the middle organizing the process getting quite a bit of the jostling force. The family begins to feel the frustrations and emotions running high. Then, someone just gets mad and fusses the most. Unfortunately, in our family, that overly frustrated person is usually me.

When we aren't in step with those around us and we get frustrated by the uneven movements, or attitudes, or action of our family, it is harder to move forward without conflict. We must take to heart what Paul says in Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

So, first, let’s discuss a couple of ideas to start out in unity:

1. Make a plan. Luke 14:28 reminds us that we are to sit down and plan to make sure each detail has been considered.

2. Share the plan with EACH person, including the younger kiddos. And, yes, this means you might have to repeat the plan multiple times to make sure each person heard it, but it will help keep unity in the long run.

Then, how does a Five-Minute Family stutter step if someone or multiple someones get out of sync:

1. Breathe deeply when something or someone is out of step. Remember that “[a] soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

2. Be flexible. Stutter step the plan by seeing what changes need to be made AND communicate that stutter step change to everyone “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

3. Be kind when someone in out of sync. I wasn't kind to my husband on our last packing adventure. I was the central go-to for all questions, attitudes, and making sure that items got packed when they needed to be packed. I wasn't in a good mood to begin with and everything kinda fell to pieces. Thankfully, he adjusted how he was doing his end and I tried to adjust what I was doing. (In truth, he did better than I but at least we are trying - and trying together).

Families, the military practice for hours and hours to march in sync, and the stutter step is still needed. A moment’s distraction, a sad mood, or even simple confusion can cause a family member to step out of sync. Don’t beat yourself up if it is you, and definitely don’t take it out on the kids if it is them. And, if you mess up that, too, apologize, ask for forgiveness, and be grace-filled at every opportunity you are given. Thank you for joining us. We’d love to hear what you think, so please send us a comment at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

Interestingly, if you look up ‘homecoming’ on the internet, you will first see a lot about schools’ homecomings and the events that come before. When I was in high school, homecoming was a series of fun events such as a day-time parade or wacky dress-up days for the whole week with a football game on the roster for that Friday night. Someone was named queen earlier in the school year, and she presided over the events of the week and game night. We dressed our best and enjoyed dancing the evening away. Past members, alumni, and community visitors were not in any way on my radar growing up; I do not remember ever hearing about any events organized for them. I have long wanted to attend one of my high school’s homecomings.

Why do we feel pulled back - temporarily - to a time and place that life’s circumstances drew us from? Memes, poignant quotes, and even the story about Lot’s wife looking back longingly on her sinful life tell us we should move on and never look back. Yet, truly, there is a time to look back and reflect. Even Jacob was instructed by the Lord to return to his homeland after 20 years away. In Mark, the former demon-possessed man was told not to travel on with Jesus but to return home and tell others about what Jesus had done.

Home is more than just where one lives. Home is a feeling, home is an attitude, home is a memory holder and a heart molder. Home is an opportunity to reconnect and recharge. Home isn’t a place; home is family. Thus, if one definition of homecoming is “to return to a place that is like home,” then we can see that the concept of homecoming should matter a great deal to a Christ-following, five-minute family. Homecomings of all kinds should embrace at least these five elements:

1. An invitation to those to be included - My mom and my stepdad were always very good at making sure they reiterated the invitation to family and friends to always feel welcome to come to their home. Jesus called out invitations to the disciples to follow Him. And, He gave a special invitation to those who are hurting in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He even gave a parable of the wedding invitation; invitations and responses to them matter.
2. An expressed purpose for any homecoming - memorial, birth, wedding, birthday, medical, or just because. Let the invited family and friends know what the expectations are. It removes unnecessary pressure and helps everyone be on the same page.
3. Organized fellowship time - Just like the Sunday message helps the church family during homecoming begin to focus their thoughts in a certain direction, events planned during family or biblical community homecomings help to get everyone thinking in the same direction while also providing more shared experiences.
4. Free fellowship time - Free time allows conversations to develop on their own, and each person has the freedom to share their hearts’ needs. When we focus our hearts on the Lord and share the trials and triumphs God has seen us through, we bring Him glory and deepen our relationships with one another.
5. Worship time - We always have the opportunity to honor the Lord in worship, whether it be in prayer, song, or testimonies. Build intentional worship time together during your homecoming. As Psalm 95:6 says, “Come, let’s worship and bow down, let’s kneel before the Lord our Maker.”

Please note that these elements pertain both to the home and family as well as our biblical communities and church family. But, let’s reflect for a moment on our true home - our citizenship is in heaven. While school homecomings may have a queen presiding, we have the ultimate King - the King of the universe.

Philippians 3:20 points out that “our citizenship is in heaven.” Do we live like we are ambassadors for Christ and represent His truth and His laws? Our freedoms are in Christ and we enjoy many blessings from Christ but do we actually live like we are His? If we reflect well the concept of homecoming, we can share the love of Christ by simply inviting others and living in community with one another. Thank you for joining us this morning, and know we are thankful for you, Five Minute Families. Be blessed!

We are finishing our Key Truths for Families series through the 6th chapter of Ephesians with the focus on the whole armor of God. We started in verse 10 and are wrapping up with our passage for today: Ephesians 6:18 “With every prayer and request, pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be alert with all perseverance and every request for all the saints”

Prayer. What a great way to complete this series. Paul, as inspired by the Holy Spirit, knew exactly what we need as soldiers for Christ. The armor is protection, giving us action and preparation for life around us while prayer is connection to the source of everything. Yes, everything. The King of the universe. Lord of lords. Mighty God is He! And we can converse with Him.

Praying can look many different ways, and people throughout the ages have encouraged prayer in diverse traditions. Reminders and plans can be very helpful to get the conversation started. Please remember that prayer is about relationship, not rote repetition. We can see from James chapter 4 starting at the end of verse 2 and going on to verse 3 that we don't have because we simply don't ask or we ask with the wrong motives. “You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, so that you may spend what you request on your pleasures.”

So, how can families pray?

1. Spend time reading and discussing instances of prayers in the Bible. From Moses and King David to Jesus and His followers - we can see what they said to God and often God's response. The Bible does not encourage us to say the same exact words they did, but follow their examples, the faith of their words, and their perspective on prayer.

2. Take time to actually pray together following different examples you recently learned about in your study together. Nehemiah is a great example. In chapter 1 Nehemiah pours out his heart through a prayer that touches upon many aspects of prayer: praise, petition, confession, humility, remembrance, and asking. The Lord's prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 and Luke 11:2-4, of course, is another great example.

3. Encourage each other to pray in the Spirit. Praying in the spirit is allowing God to influence your prayer. It's open eyes to the heart of God. It's approaching the Lord seeking His perspectives. Can we allow God to use us even in prayer?

4. Pray for other family members and saints. While there are definitely personal prayer times, praying as a family and being an example of seeking God in prayer is powerful. That does not mean we are puffed up in ourselves or praying for the audience around you. Praying out loud with your family can be humbling to do. But remember, the focus should be on God, especially in prayer.

5. Be alert and persevere. Of the several points throughout this series, the one that jumps out the most to us is actually that of being active. We must take action and be ready. Several passages in the Bible say: be strong and courageous. Be courageous in your prayers with your family. Be active in your prayer life, and persevere in praying together even through the storms of life.

In closing, Five Minute Families, we know it would be easy to seek our own comfort, loosen our armor, set down the sword, and forget to pray. And, that would start the unraveling of our lives. But God encourages us to stay strong and stay on His track. He loves us immensely, deeply, and He knows what is in our best interests. As you begin to pray with one another, or as you continue along in prayers with your family learning new ways to draw closer to the Lord and encourage one another, we are praying for you that God will continue illuminate His truths as He has through the analogy of the armor. Be blessed!

We can read in 1 Corinthians 3:11: “For no one can a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ.” And, John 1:1 reads: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. Jesus is our foundation since the beginning of time.”

We have come to the last piece of the traditional whole armor of God but not our last message for this series. Ephesians chapter 6 is our passage for the Truth for Families series that we have embarked upon. Ephesians 6 is full of great wisdom for all of us, especially for helping our families grow in Christ. Check our website, clearviewretreat.org for past episodes and how to connect with our ministry.

Our verse today is again verse 17: “And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” The sword is another gift, much like our salvation, that we can take freely. No cost. This word is a gift from God. Let’s explore five points about the sword of the Spirit:

1. First, note the word take; just as with salvation, we have to pick up our swords and be ready. A soldier who gets dressed in his best battle ready uniform yet leaves his weapon behind is ineffective for real battle. Take your Sword with you whether it is literally carrying your Bible with you on your travels or having hidden His word in your heart as you rise up and go about your day.

2. Second, the sword is an active piece of armor. Hands on. Even if you remember to grab your sword, you have to know how to use it. That does require training and discipline. For families, you can share your training directly, which for parents is your primary responsibility. Training and discipleship is why we started CVR; we want to help families learn how to use the sword of the spirit in each moment of the day.

3. Third, Hebrews 4:12 tells us, “For the word of God is living and active, and sharper than any two-edged sword, even penetrating as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” The sword divides and exposes sin. The sword separates our selfish thoughts from Truth and helps us actually focus on truth.

4. Fourth, we need to promote confidence in the Word within our family. Here is a great quote by Voddie Baucham in why we can believe the Bible, “It's a reliable collection of historical documents written by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses, they report supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophecies and claim that their writings are divine rather than human in origin.”

5. And, fifth, the wise counsel of this sword - this word of God - is applicable to daily life and beneficial for living a holy and righteous life. We must bring the Truth of God’s Word, not our own opinions, into our families. When we challenge ourselves and our families to seek the historical, linguistic, and cultural contexts of the Bible, we learn more about the depth and validly of God’s Word. We see in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, “All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man or woman of God may be fully capable, equipped for every good work.”

We may feel unable, incapable, and not well trained. But, take that first step and then continue to take baby steps, big steps, and all the steps in between. Sword training in the Word is discipleship. We have to engage in the process and be open, but God, thankfully, is faithful to complete what He has begun. For as Philippians 1:6 reminds us, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work among you will complete it by the day of Christ Jesus.”

Thank you for joining us today. May God shine His light upon the Truth you and yours need today to face the norms or storms that are coming your way. Be blessed!

Please check out our website - clearviewretreat.org - or your favorite podcast app for past Five Minute Family episodes to see the progression of this series through discussing Christ esteem, knowing the battle, standing firm, being held together in truth, having put on righteousness as a breastplate, being prepared with the gospel of peace, and putting faith before you as a shield. And, remember, all those pieces of the armor we are told to “Put on.”

Ephesians 6:17 tells us to “take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Let’s break the first part of the verse down - take the helmet of salvation:

1. First, we must remember that verse 17 has its own verb… Take. Not the same as so many other pieces when we were told to ‘put on’ the armor. I picture this ‘take’ the same as one taking a gift. That gift is not simply fire insurance and our tickets to heaven, but it is also a revelation of new life, even on this side of eternity.

2. Second, once we have accepted the gift of the helmet, we are offered protection. The helmet protects our head. Ever had your bell rung? Or, had some sort of hit on the head? Without head protection, we are disoriented and can literally see shooting lights further rendering us unable to participate in the battle. Yet, with head protection, blows that could take us out become simply mild distractions easily overcome.

3. Third, the helmet of salvation provides us confidence in Christ. The helmet of salvation is not a normal helmet. We do not put on and remove the helmet at will. Although we can feel like we have failed and the helmet has been removed, in Christ and with the sealing of the Holy Spirit our salvation is steadfast and true. His grace abounds as we are held in His mighty hand.

4. Fourth, we see the benefits that a helmet provides. Helmets do not only provide immediate protection. Just as concussions can have lasting effects that distort our perspectives and normal functioning, the helmet of salvation enhances our new understanding of life and helps us understand that we are a new creature and new creation. There are long-term benefits to wearing a helmet, now and forever.

5. And, finally, the helmet is the hope of salvation. 1 Thessalonians 5:8 says, “But since we are of the day, let’s be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation.” Biblical hope is not some wishy-washy desire that something will happen. Biblical hope is the assurance of the work that Jesus completed on the cross. There is nothing we can do or will do to mess up the hope of the helmet of salvation.

The helmet of salvation illustrates the blessings that Jesus bestowed upon. Do you and your family reflect often enough on what the true blessings of Jesus are? Ephesians 1 tells us that God has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ; we are adopted and redeemed, holy and blameless. He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He set forth in Jesus, regarding His plan of the fullness of the times, to bring all things together in Christ. How can we can consider ourselves anything less than fully blessed knowing that truth?

Grace becomes glorious. With gleaming armor protecting us and keeping us safe in this life, we can march into the everyday norms and storms of life confident and assured of the ultimate outcome.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Again, we apologize for having to duck out for the last few weeks, but God has preserved us, and we hope to be with you again next week. Be blessed!

Now, on to our ongoing series based on Ephesians 6:10-18 - Key Truths for Families from the Whole Armor of God. Today we are finishing that complex sentence beginning in verse 14 with Stand firm ending here in verse sixteen. “Stand firm, therefore… taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” So, let us ask you a question: Is faith important? To you? To your family? How can we apply faith in our lives?

Hold up, Kim. We need to define faith in the context of a Christian household, especially because the secular world will tell us that faith is simply hope, expectation, or dependence. While those are certainly elements of faith, faith in the Christian worldview is so much more. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." And Ephesians 2:8 points out that ultimately, faith for a Christ-follower is a gift from God, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and this is not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

We see that God gives assurance through the best gift ever! That gift can help shape you and your family’s faith. Just as the jailer believed in Acts 31, faith and salvation is also for your whole family. Here are 5 ways to bring the shield of faith into your home.

1. First, take up the shield. Again, action. If we are not ready with our faith, we will not have time to protect ourselves and our families from the flaming arrows of the evil one.

2. Second, remember, you are able. In the context of the battle raging around us, we may feel overwhelmed, discouraged, beat down. That’s where faith stands firm. Remember the battle is against principalities and powers that want to destroy our faith and families, even pitting us against each other. Faith says God is for us, which is more powerful than that which is against us.

3. Third, the shield extinguishes. The devil throws us off track with twisted lies that are so close to the truth that we need the deeper discernment and discipline of faith to overcome the lies thrown at us. The shield of faith simply doesn’t block the incoming shot; it destroys it! Make sure you keep that shield in place at all times so that none of the enemies flaming arrows are able to get you and your family.

4. Fourth, maintain the readiness and quality of your shield. Know what is true. Let God’s word penetrate your hearts. Some people get caught up in knowing the enemy, but the truth of Christ should occupy much more of our time than studying the enemy. Colossians 2:8 admonishes us, “See to it that there is no one who takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception in accordance with human tradition, in accordance with the elementary principles of the world, rather than in accordance with Christ.”

5. And, finally, share your faith. Tell those stories of when the arrows were flying and faith in God eliminated the lies, temptations, struggles, or problems you were facing. Let your family know that “the struggle is real,” but we can overcome those with more than a catchphrase but real faith. Exercise those core beliefs which will help them solidify and also encourage those around you. A Christian counselor we highly respect wrote this about faith when we are suffering: “Faith does not demand the removal of suffering; faith desires endurance in suffering.”

The first part of Galatians 2:16 says “we are not justified by works of the law but through faith in Christ Jesus.” Couple this with the first part of our series - we do not need more self-esteem but Christ-esteem. Stepping out in faith requires trust and preparation. God provides what we need as we stay the course in following Him.

Join us next week as we continue to look at the wonderful provisions of God for us and our families. Pray for opportunities to share and strengthen your faith. Thank you for allowing us to partner with you in your faith journey. For more information about our ministry find us online at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

So far we have learned that we must esteem Christ above self-esteem, know the battle before us, stand firm, be held together with the belt of truth, and put on the breastplate of righteousness. Today we are bringing you part 6 of our series and the focusing on the third piece of armor - preparation of the gospel of peace, which many refer to as the shoes of peace.

Verse fifteen of Ephesians 6 says, “and having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace.” Verses and chapter labels were not originally parts of the letters and books of the Bible. Thus, we need to look at the beginning of a complex sentence that makes up verses fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen. The sentence begins with Stand firm. So, let’s parenthetical the belt and breastplate that we previously discussed and see that Paul is again writing for Christians to “Stand firm therefore,… having strapped on your feet the preparation of the gospel of peace.” The King James Version, as well as others, say having shod your feet.

Whether we read the language translation as strapped on, shod, or even sandaled with, they are all about underbinding the feet. Underbinding means to bind underneath, which is the foundation. Your feet must be on a firm foundation - a foundation that is more important than footwear. What is the underneath, the foundation, of what God calls His followers to stand on? What do YOU stand on?

Five Minute families, as Christ- followers, our firm foundation is peace of the good news of the completed saving work of Jesus Christ our Lord. Peace. The good news! The strongest foundation of them all.

Let’s turn for a moment to the word preparation; this is not simply that we will slip on some flip flops. Preparation for the Roman soldier meant adding spikes to his shoes. He never stepped without intentionally planning the movement, having a firm grasp on the foundation on which he depended. Are you ready with your preparation? Are you being intentional with preparing your and your families’ hearts and minds with the truth of the gospel in order to stand firm on the peaceful foundation of the Good News?

Considering the shoes of peace, here are five ways to get ready and stand firm in the foundation of God’s gift through Jesus.

1. First, we must know that this piece of armor calls for continued action. I enjoy getting home after a long day at work, kicking off my shoes and relaxing with my family. We, of course, can rest in Christ, but we must not let our foundation deteriorate in the storms of life. It takes work.

2. Second, we need to review our family’s actual foundation. Be honest with yourself and one another. Assess your worldviews against biblical truth. It can be difficult to separate our family traditions and ways of relating to how the Bible encourages us to shine for Christ and love one another.

3. Third, intentionally firm up those areas that match up with the truth. Allow God to show you the strengths He has given you and your family.

4. Fourth, evaluate your areas of weakness. Look for the slippery area of the worn out shoe, so to speak. In what areas are you personally struggling to get traction in life? What areas as a family? How will you improve those weak areas? Remember, God is the ultimate cobbler; He can give us new strength.

5. And, finally, never forget that the gospel is your goal. Many say that evangelism is seen as the end goal of this piece of armor. However, we see how a firm foundation based on the peace of the gospel allows US the firm stance we need to defend the truth so that we will be fully prepared and comfortable on our foundation. Yes, having a firm foundation leads to better evangelism, but we must also remember that the gospel of peace is for us, too.

May God guide your family as your work together to fit on the armor of God. By the way, as you work toward that goal, now is a great time to plan your family discipleship for the coming school breaks or vacation times. Connect with us at clearviewretreat.org for more information. Be blessed!

Now continuing through our journey in Ephesians chapter 6 we come to the second piece of armor mentioned - the breastplate of righteousness. Verse fourteen says, “Stand firm therefore, having belted your waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness.”

Righteousness - defined as the quality of being morally right or justifiable - is mentioned throughout the Bible. Those two parts of the definition - morally right or justifiable - can be seen in how the Bible handles the concept of righteousness. In Ephesians 4:24 Paul explains how our newness in Christ is based in righteousness and holiness of truth, which is the imputed, justifiable part of righteousness. Additionally, Ephesians 5:9 prompts us to be fruitful in goodness, righteousness, and truth; thus, due to the Holy Spirit, we now have the ability to be morally right.

Oi, imputed righteousness, holiness of truth, behaving morally right, all of that can seem overwhelming. But, truly, once we realize that we already have received the righteousness of Jesus Christ, we can now focus on learning more about God’s Truth and how to live and relate to others in His goodness.

So, how do we do that in our families?

1. First, “put on the breastplate of righteousness.” Put on. That is a call to action. “Put on.” The breastplate is a defensive piece of armor; you have to choose to put it on. Romans 13:14 says to “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh and its lusts.” To not intentionally choose Christ’s righteousness is to simply go defenseless and vulnerable to the misleading of the flesh.

2. Second, remember that the breastplate of righteousness is for our protection. The defensive breastplate in armor protects the vital organs; righteousness protects the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “[w]atch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

3. Third, we must recognize the position we hold in the kingdom of God, with fellow armor-bearers. According to 2 Corinthians 5:21, we have become the righteousness of God. We are capable of making morally right choices BECAUSE of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ even if our past is majorly flawed.

4. Fourth, we must delight in the promises and possibilities that the righteousness of God gives us. Isaiah 32:17 says, “And the work of righteousness will be peace, and the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever.” How many would like peace in their homes and families?

5. And, fifth, five minute families, we must apply the knowledge of the armor of God to our parenting. As Proverbs 20:7 states, “A righteous person who walks in his integrity— How blessed are his sons after him.” We have the opportunity to establish an amazing legacy of righteousness that comes with blessings.

We hope your heart is towards your family and your desire is for their good - not just blessed physically but also spiritually. Our hearts must demonstrate righteous truths - if we seek His kingdom and allow Him to guide us in the paths of His righteousness, He will provide all that we need, whether we are in moments of triumph or trial. He will show us the way.

Life is difficult and crushing at times. The world seems against you, family relationships are stressed, and your connection to God doesn’t feel worthy of His grace. We hear you. God hears you. He stands open-armed, ready to meet you where you are. We hear this in Psalm 23:1-3, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures: He leads me besides the still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.”

Meditate on those words and allow Him to guide you in His righteousness. Be blessed.

Verse 14 begins, “Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist”

To be honest, when I think about a suit of armor I do not think about a belt as part of that suit. I usually think of something more like a knight in shining armor. At the time of the writing of Ephesians what Roman soldiers wore would have been well known. The belt bound the whole armor together. Another way to say that would be that everything would fall apart without the belt. For the lives of Christ-followers to be effective, we must be standing and ready, held together with the binding foundation of truth.

One of the greatest questions we can ask is "what is truth?" Pontius Pilate asked that in John 18 when talking to Jesus. So, we examine that same question. What is truth and how can we embrace truth in our families? We echo Steve Austin in his statement “There is only one truth: God's perspective.” It is our natural inclination to see things simply as we see them - our eyes, our perspectives. Yet, our perspectives are influenced by many factors and can change.

Our eyes can deceive us because our individual perspectives only allow us to see a situation from one original viewpoint. That viewpoint, however, is not the only perspective. So, as a five-minute family committed to glorifying the Lord and caring for one another, we must choose to engage in a process of thinking through all of life’s circumstances - the good and the bad - through the vantage point of God’s perspective which is THE Truth.

We must:

1. First, examine what binds us together. Does your family regularly go to church, participate in Bible study, or encourage daily devotionals? If you do not already have a family habit of examining God’s word, begin with reading five verses a day or discussing the sermon for five minutes each Sunday afternoon. Let your truth seeking grow from there.

2. Second, we must review what is our perspective based on. Some families have faced trial after trial, and it can be hard to see the good in any aspect of life. Remember that your perspective is not the ultimate true perspective. For example, Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery; then he was falsely accused of inappropriate behavior and forgotten in jail for years. His perspective COULD have been that life is awful and he was worthless, but God’s perspective - which is ultimate Truth - was that Joseph was being prepared for the redemption and saving of God’s people.

3. Third, in John 14:6 God reveals that Jesus is truth. Jesus specifically says, “I am the way the truth and the life.” If your family is not certain of this truth, we highly encourage you to find trusted, godly mentors that can help walk you through the tough questions and concerns you have. God is Truth, so your doubts and skepticism do not scare Him. He wants to reveal the answers to you. Keep seeking together.

4. Fourth, you must be aware that truth is under attack and be proactive. When your thinking or actions begin to be misaligned from God’s Truth, you need to check your belt. There are many out there that do not want you to walk in the truth. Your sin and failures feed their evil and their selfish desires. As a family, resolve to pray together, talk together, and walk together in Truth - God’s Truth - not your perspective. Praying together and discussing God’s word daily helps to be able to more quickly and easily identify falsehoods that get hurled at us.

5. And, finally, speak the truth in love - God is perfectly balanced in holiness and love; we will fail, but we need to try. When someone in the family or in our biblical community is walking through life only using his or her perspective for guidance, he or she will fail. When we see that, we must remember that it is God’s truth we need to speak and we need to do it as lovingly as Jesus did with the woman at the well.

Five minute families, thank you for joining us this morning, and know that while we all make mistakes, God is bigger than those failures, and He is standing ready to give us the foundational piece of armor to bind all the other pieces together - the belt of Truth. Are you ready for your next family adventure and challenge at a Clear View Retreat family camp? Get more information at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed!

We get the answer to that question in Ephesians 6:13 - “Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.” We have said this before: when you see a ‘therefore’ in Scripture, it should make you ask, ‘what is it there for?’ The use of the word ‘therefore’ tells us that we should reflect on what we just heard and be prepared to learn something new.

Five-minute families, we should not base our lives on our feelings, which can change quite quickly given different circumstances and situations, but rather we base our lives in the words and concepts that God provides. Here in Ephesians He is providing a way to deal with circumstances and situations in a resilient, definitive way, bringing strength and stability, no matter what is happening around us.

Thus, how do we prepare our hearts and families for what God has prepared for us.

1. First, verse thirteen says to ‘take up the full armor of God.’ We will expand on the multiple pieces of the armor in the next several FMF devotions, but it begins with "taking up," an intentional choice and a decision to move forward. Lead your family in the right direction - God's direction.

2. Next, we must ‘be able to resist.’ Know that when you focus on God and not your own understanding, you will be successful. You will be able to resist the temptations and trials that you face. Promote faith that even when you feel weak, He is strong, and you are victorious through Jesus.

3. Third, we ‘recognize the evil day approaches.’ Life is complicated and difficult much of the time. We need to recognize those struggles but not give the struggles more power than God. He is superior!

4. Fourth, we are to ‘do everything.’ That can sound overwhelming to think we may miss something in the midst of our struggles or temptations, but God gives us many tools, even a whole set of armor we can choose to wear. Doing everything is laid out right before us, and we have the opportunity to allow God's already-provided plans to play out for us.

5. Finally, God’s word in Ephesians 6 verse 13 tells us to ‘stand firm.’ We can be prepared, immovable, and victorious because we have taken the necessary steps to ensure our success. Those steps are not in our power, but in the grace of God that empowers us through Him. A great illustration would be from John 15 - He is the vine and we are the branches. We must abide and stand firm in Him.

Take up, resist, recognize, do, and stand… those are all active verbs. God is telling us in this scripture that we are to be active participants in what He calls us to in this world. He could do all of it without us, but He wants to partner with us. He knows what will work and what won’t. He is the expert, and He tells us to be involved and be active - Take up, resist, recognize, do, and stand. We are not to passively sit around and do nothing. Even in periods of waiting, God wants us to be active in His word and in the application of His word.

The amplified version states Ephesians 6:13 this way: “Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious].”

Our heart here at Clear View Retreat is to see families transformed as they learn and apply God’s relationship principles. We speak with families who are in both the norms and storms of life. As each family works together to grow closer to the Lord and to each other, we see the hope, connection, and strength of these families magnified. Family members actively work together to create the abundant life God has planned for them.

Five-minute families, be encouraged today in Christ. Be successful and victorious through the Words He has spoken. And, be blessed!

Today, our focus verse is Ephesians 6:12 - “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

What do we see in the world today? Major headlines from around the globe are filled with strife and conflict with people battling against each other. Many times those conflicts are not on individual levels but caused by ideas, principles, and misinformation that distort our beliefs on who we are as people living in the world together.

Some days I feel like David, strong and ready to take on the giant Goliath. Most days, however, I act like his brothers and other Israelites who cower before a taunting and brutish giant, forgetting that God is much bigger than what we see as huge. Is David’s fight against Goliath or is his fight against the breakdown of God’s truth and love? God’s greater story is that we fight against the breakdown of faith in the face of fear and persecution. The principalities and powers questioned the power of God, and so do we.

It doesn’t take much for our beliefs to get off track and start heading in the wrong direction, especially when there is a plethora of influences that put the pressure against believing God’s truths and challenges our beliefs. These pressures sometimes come in the form of a giant, like Goliath, but more often, they are subtle and brought in by the world very slowly.

So, how can we encourage each other for the battles ahead?

1. First, we must look for God's greater story by talking with our families, and bringing God into more conversations. For example, choose an issue and begin to look at it from different perspectives. Ask questions, be graceful in your response, and make sure you highlight God’s perspective.

2. Second, we need to recognize the fight is not against the people around us, especially our families. Sure, people will frustrate us and cause hurts, but we must realize that the basis of those hurts are often grounded in distorted beliefs, worldly thinking and forces of darkness that pit us against each other. Resist the temptation to fight those we see right in front of our faces.

3. Next, we should encourage speaking the truth in love. Some of the principles we fight find their way into our identity, and it can be difficult to separate the false belief from how we see others and ourselves. God gives us the truth and proper perspective, but if our loved one is looking at the situation from a different perspective, he or she may feel threatened.

4. Five minute families, we must allow each one to grow and change. We cannot keep simply seeing the outside and thinking their thoughts and beliefs are the same. God brings about a heart transformation that sometimes takes more time for the outside appearance and behaviors to fully match.

5. And, finally, as we demonstrate how to battle not against each other but against the weapons of the enemy, we each need to recognize our own hang-ups. What are you holding onto that needs to be replaced with God's grace? Allow God to open your eyes and hearts to his leading.

This past Sunday, our church hosted the Lakeside Singers who sang a song titled “Almost.” The premise was that the saddest word in our language is not “goodbye” but “almost.” As in, I almost called and apologized. I almost sent a card to the judgmental and mean but now sick and hurting church member. I almost shared the banana bread I baked with my grumpy neighbor. We cannot live our lives in the ‘almost’ category. God gives us the strength to see where we are struggling, and five minute families, we are not struggling against people. We struggle with principalities, with fears, with divisions, with hurts and angers; we struggle AGAINST God. Take a deep breath, get beyond your ‘almost’ moment to a “I did it for the Lord!” attitude.

We look forward to continuing this conversation next week about Key Truths for Families with our discussion on the weapons of warfare - the whole armor of God! Be blessed!

Let’s start with a discussion about self-esteem. Self-esteem is defined as “confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect.” Society tells us: “You can do it!” “Pull yourself up by your boot straps.” “Bring home the bacon AND fry it up in the pan!” Basically, society says that Americans live in the land of opportunity and you can do anything you put your mind and energies towards. 

Our culture tries to instill self-esteem into our children while also undermining it from numerous angles (though, that’s a discussion for another time.) For now, however, we as parents need to build our children up and motivate them. Buuut, do you want to be the voice your family and friends hear - in your own strengths and weaknesses, triumphs and trials? OR, would you want that voice to be Jesus?

We propose that five-minute families bring their emphasis to Christ-esteem instead of self-esteem. Christ-esteem is respect and admiration for the work Christ completed on the cross AND that He has said that He came to give us life and life abundant. Having Christ-esteem is trusting in the work He is doing in the heart and lives of His people so that we may glorify Him while He works out all things for our ultimate good.

One big question we all face in life is: who am I? Our identity shapes and defines us, and our identity directly impacts our self-esteem. Our beliefs are the very core of our being - our identity - and we use those beliefs to guide us through life. Mostly, those beliefs are subconscious and are often molded by subtle influences that build up over time. Take a professional athlete as an example. They push and strive for making themselves better. It is said it takes 10,000 hours of training to obtain the skills of a professional. Athletes must have confidence in their ability to win and achieve their dreams, but they also have coaches who invest in their training, whom they must trust to guide them to successful outcomes.

What a great opportunity we have to boost esteem in ourselves and our families. But, how do we do that? Is it simply having family time consistently? How much time do we spend? Do we make sure we compliment our children often to make them feel confident about who they are? How many compliments are needed to build self-esteem? Do we believe in innate talent or invest extensively in training?

Five-minute families, again, we must realize that our families do not need more self-esteem; we need more Christ-esteem. Paul says in Ephesians 6:10, "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might." "Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of HIS might." So, to cultivate Christ-esteem, you must:

1. Recognize God's strength in yourself. As a believer you have the power of the Holy Spirit in you and you are sealed by that Spirit. As Ephesians 6:10 says, be strong in the Lord.

2. Recognize that your strengths can be a detriment to your ultimate purpose in life, which should be to glorify God. Self-esteem and your natural abilities can make you more reliant on yourself alone. Do you give God praise and credit for His creating you? Are your strengths drawing you closer to Christ and your family or farther away?

3. Focus on transformation and renewing your mind. Prayerfully consider where God has you and where God wants you to be. Take those thoughts about your strengths versus God’s strengths to heart and allow His word to permeate and transform you.

4. Encourage others in their walk through the strength God has given you. In many teaching areas, there is a learning technique: “see one, do one, teach one.” To help transform your thinking and strengthen those thoughts, you can watch a respected mentor/friend demonstrate their strength in God. Then, you can do the same in your life. And, to cement the process, teach God’s strength to others, especially your family. 

5. And, keep in balance the needs to build Christ-esteem while building one another’s self-esteem. There are many good lessons out there about self-esteem. You just cannot let the creation become master of the Creator. Christ-esteem eclipses self-esteem any day. Self-confidence is a feeling, and feelings are fickle. But, God is not fickle.

Thank you for joining us this morning. We hope you are drawing closer to the Lord and His wisdom for your families. Keep your hearts and minds on Him and His word as He leads you with all love, gentleness, and strength. Be blessed!

The great thing about spending time with other couples, whether they are in a norm or storm of life - is that we get to glean new ways of applying God’s relationship principles. This weekend one wife shared how she really liked how her husband had begun asking her “Stop. Start. Continue.” questions. I had never heard of that. A quick internet search shows several websites that focus on team building activities, such as one called Retrium. That site describes this communication skill this way: “Start Stop Continue is a simple technique for an action-oriented retrospective meeting.” In a marital relationship, we should never run our conversations like the Board room; however, we want to take this concept that has been researched and used successfully in team building and current business management practices and relate it to the family unit.

Communicating with one another is at the heart of all relationships. And, communicating effectively can be hindered by many things. No matter how much we study our spouse in order to deepen our relationship, we cannot read their minds. We might get pretty good at reading their nonverbal communication and thus it seems we are good at reading their minds, but it just isn’t actually possible. We are not God.

One way for a couple to simplify communication when there are many distractions around is to adopt the “Stop. Start. Continue.” method of giving and receiving feedback. Of course, please remember this great biblical principle from Colossians 4:6 before you just simply let your feedback fly: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you should answer each person.”

So, onto the particulars of “Stop. Start. Continue.”

Stop

Ask your loved one, “In our relationship, what would you like me to stop doing?” Make sure that you each understand if the action being stopped is to be temporary or permanent. If you are confused by your loved one’s answer, it is ok to ask further questions as to why or how. Make sure, however, that you do not get offended or that if you begin to feel offended, you ask for either clarification or a break from the conversation to pray about the hurt. We are not to lie to one another, so if your family member is asking you to stop something, you need to be open to receiving their honest answer.  

Start

Next, ask your spouse, “What would you like me to start doing?” Proverbs 25:11 tells us that “[a] word spoken at the right time is like gold apples in silver settings.” When your spouse asks, take this opportunity, this “right time” to be transparent about something you would like your spouse to do for you.

Continue

Now, ask your spouse, “What would you like me to continue doing?” Applying Proverbs 16:23: “The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth; it adds learning to his speech.” we see that we have a chance to build up and give encouragement to our spouse when they have been doing something well.

Two great “But God” truths that should be foundational in all of our relationships that join well with the three points of the “Stop. Start. Continue.” technique are: 

1.    We must think well of our spouse because God is in them. When two people are walking with the Lord, indwelled with the Holly Spirit, truly, the best in them is God. So, as you look on your loved one, remember that you are looking upon one of God’s children.

2.    And, remember to think well of yourself. We are often toughest on ourselves, but God lives in us as Christ-followers and while we may need correction from time to time, we have the best of the best in us and that is all He sees, so let’s shine in our marriages and families.

We encourage couples to begin using this practical skill to jumpstart difficult conversations. We need to be aware that something we love doing for our spouse may be something they ask us to stop. We must be willing to have open dialogue about the needs, wants, and concerns of each other. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us that we must “[b]e kind to one another and tenderhearted.” Once you as a couple have had a chance to practice the “Stop. Start. Continue.” feedback, make sure that you begin having those “Stop. Start. Continue.” conversations with your children.

May God bless and keep you; may His face shine upon you this week as you live a life filled with five minute segments that build into greater moments of loving one another. Be blessed!

Apparently, according, to ‘time and date dot com,’ it is “a day you could celebrate by either not washing any dirty dishes or by washing all the dishes you can!”

Some families we know never go to sleep without a fully clean kitchen; others are washing dishes as they are needed. Either way, routine rules how you clean (or don’t clean) your dishes, and routine versus rut is what we want to discuss today.

As our pastor discussed the end of Mark chapter 10 and the blind beggar who sat every day on the side of the road, he mentioned how we should not get into ruts in our lives, especially in our relationship with the Lord. He used the words rut and routine interchangeably. I agree with the rut part but not the routine part, especially as a mom. A rut is “a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change.” We all get into ruts; Collins Dictionary says, “If you say that someone is in a rut, you disapprove of the fact that they have become fixed in their way of thinking and doing things, and find it difficult to change.” Basically, we can all agree that ruts are bad.

Ruts are not routines, however. Routines allow a family to consistently get needed tasks done. Jesus kept the routine of going to the synagogue as seen in Luke 4:16. Routines allow us to keep the family home organized, help everyone to know what is expected of them, and keep us from getting complacent or lazy. As one of our kids said, “Having no routine is not good because you never know what is going to happen next.” Research shows that children feel more secure and stable when their lives have routine.

So, how do we distinguish between rut and routine, especially for the family members who love spontaneity? Ask yourselves these questions:

1.    Have healthy choices flown out the window?

2.    Are you simply satisfied and unwillingly to change things?

3.    Are you making any progress toward your goals?

4.    Or, have you failed to set goals?

5.    And, finally, do your family members get frustrated with you for your unwillingness to be flexible?

If you are in a rut or simply lacking in routine, start with the five-minute family five-minute concept. Just as we suggest you begin investing in your family five minutes a day, invest in your routines five minutes a day. To establish good routines that are rut-resistant, here are our five suggestions:

1.    Don’t make everything routine, especially if you have someone in the family who loves surprises and enjoys changing things up. Choose only those necessary tasks that will make everyone’s life run more smoothly and work on those first. And, we must recognize that ruts are never good in our relationship with Christ, so make sure routines enhance your family’s Christian growth.

2.    Discuss with each family member when they feel most inspired or energetic. Allow for personal differences, and plan certain routines around each person’s peak times if possible. For example, we homeschool. One of my sons hates algebra and he also hates mornings. He learns more and is less argumentative if I let him start his algebra later in his school day.

3.    Make small changes to establish a new routine. For instance, instead of making an entire new schedule for the day, choose one time of day and focus there; you could choose to get a good bedtime routine in place to help with both bedtime AND the following morning rush. When you accomplish that, congratulate yourselves and celebrate together.

4.    Make a plan but allow for flexible time changes and day restructuring. Another homeschooling example is that I follow the same routine for each child’s subjects. However, one of my younger sons really wants to start with science. I use his desire to do science as an incentive to get his other subjects done in a timely fashion. And, every once in a while, I switch it up and start with science, simply to put a smile on his face.

5.    And, last, to avoid ruts AND especially for the spontaneous family member, have crazy days, like the National No Dirty Dishes Day.

Be kind to each other as you establish new routines and climb out of some of the ruts you may be experiencing. Don’t be rude or judgmental if you think someone in the family (or the entire family) is in a rut. Identify what might be a rut for you, embrace the positives of routine, and be willing to be spontaneous sometimes.

Remember as our fifteen-year-old said, “As long as you don’t become a Routine Zombie, you’ll be fine.” Thanks for joining us today, and we hope that the Lord will help you live life and live it more abundantly. Be blessed!

Grit is the culmination of passion, resilience, hope, perseverance, and more. The final portion of APA Dictionary of Psychology definition of grit that we started last week ends with: “Recent studies suggest this trait may be more relevant than intelligence in determining a person’s high achievement. For example, grit may be particularly important to accomplishing an especially complex task when there is a strong temptation to give up altogether.” Psychology Today uses the analogy of a marathon versus a sprint to describe grit.

Christ-followers can recognize the characteristic of grit illustrated in 1 Corinthians 9:24-26 -- “Don’t you know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way to win the prize. Now everyone who competes exercises self-control in everything. They do it to receive a perishable crown, but we an imperishable crown. So I do not run like one who runs aimlessly or box like one beating the air.”

In all of life, setting goals is important, both short term and long term ones. As we discussed in our last two weeks, we will encounter setbacks in reaching our goals just as Jesus told us we would in John 16:33. A saying we used to have hanging on our homeschool classroom wall said, “You never fail until you stop trying.”

So, we must make sure that we prepare our children and ourselves for success by cultivating grit in these five ways

1.    Explore the purpose of the activity you are involved in. Ask yourself, “why am I doing this?” And, when appropriate, begin helping your child explore why he or she chooses to do the activities they choose. Sometimes, the answer is, “because I have to.” And, if that is the case, make sure everyone realizes that this is a part of life.

2.    Practice doing something again and again in order to become better at it; make sure you are following procedures and rules, if applicable. If a coach or mentor is available, don’t be shy about asking for guidance.

3.    Focus on effort, not just accomplishments. Receiving straight a’s is great but it is not the most important thing. Make sure your children know that their efforts matter, and even if they receive a ‘c’ but they tried their hardest, you are proud of them. Of course, challenges help us keep pushing, so encourage them to keep at it and review along the way.

4.    And, related to number 3 is this: Praising one another is good, but remember to praise the process. If one of your children is naturally talented in an area and is able to succeed with very little effort, he or she will not have the same level of grit as your child who has had to struggle and keep working hard to achieve the same level of success. One child is not better than the other. Celebrate the differences and celebrate the accomplishments.

5.    And, finally, find your passion. Just as we mentioned in #1 that we must stick with things even if we simply must do them, we must always remember that finding what we can be passionate about is so important to withstanding some of the disappointments and being able to cultivate an attitude of grit. If you don’t know your passion, pray. Remember that Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.”

Shoo, it feels like we could have made two or three more five-minute family devos to explore even more the concept of cultivating grit in your family. However, we are going to close with this. Do you feel like you have failed? Failed at parenting? Failed at work? Failed at school? Relationships? Whatever it is, remember that grit requires sustained, consistent effort and intentionality! God put you in those scenarios, and He uses everything you experience for your ultimate good.  

Thank you for joining us this morning. We pray that God will guide you in His calling and you will know the peace of resting in His equipping you for each next situation, whether it goes according to your plan or not. If you want to work on your family relationships, please check out our website at clearviewreteat.org and see if a Family Camp is a good fit for you and yours this summer. Be blessed!

Let’s continue to breakdown the concept of grit. As we mentioned last week, grit can also be called resilience. The APA Dictionary of Psychology definition of grit is that it is “a personality trait characterized by perseverance and passion for achieving long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously to overcome challenges and maintaining effort and interest over time despite failures, adversities, and plateaus in progress.”

Joseph - Jacob’s eleventh son - was resilient. He showed true grit despite his circumstances. Joseph had been given visions from God and he trusted in God’s plans - even when his older brothers sold him into slavery, even when Potiphar’s wife lied about him, even when he was forgotten for years in prison… he held fast to the truth about God, not the world of circumstances at the moment. Because of his trust in God, he exhibited the characteristics needed to face the disappointments that were thrown at him.

So, how does a five-minute family work through disappointments in order to glorify the Lord?

1.    First, you have to fully acknowledge your hurts and disappointments. We cannot work through them if we do not want to admit they exist. There are numerous verses which demonstrate the hurt and pain the biblical heroes of old faced; one such beginning is found in Psalm 42:3, “My tears have been my food day and night.” Allow your child to recognize those disappointments and speak about them. Allow yourself to do the same.

2.    Second, remember that being disappointed isn’t being unfaithful to your belief in God’s greater purpose and plan. Psalm 34:18 tells us, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” He knows we will face disappointments, and He isn’t surprised by them.

3.    Third, remind yourself and your child about God’s view of them and you, not what the failure or disappointment might be causing you to think. YOU are not a disappointment. The situation may be, but the person is NOT. As Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

4.    Next, you must shift perspectives and review whether your beliefs or thoughts set you up for this disappointment with unrealistic expectations. Our beliefs lead our thoughts which, in turn, lead our actions. As Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on YOUR OWN understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

5.    And, finally, discuss why the disappointment might be a good thing. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 reminds us that though we may be afflicted in every way, we are not crushed. We may be perplexed but not driven to despair. We may be persecuted but we are not forsaken, and we may be struck down, but we are not destroyed.  

Disappointments can be challenges that lead us to trust God more and look to Him continually for our purposes, or we can let them allow us to conform ourselves to the world and its standards. Its standards of having to fight to win, the world’s standards of success in all areas is all that matters, the world’s standard that a good leader or worthy person must have never face disappointments along the way… but that just isn’t true. Isaiah 40:29 says, “God gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” Humans don’t always give God the glory when we think we have done all the work ourselves, but when we allow Him to guide us, renew us, repurpose and transform us, then we can see the good and give him the glory.

We close with Isaiah 40:28-31 - “Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” God is with you and your family as you work through your disappointments together. Often it takes disconnecting from the chaos in order to connect with each other. We encourage a good biblical retreat and hope we may see you one day at Clear View Retreat.  Be blessed!

What does ‘welcome no’ really mean for a biblical family? First, let’s read Matthew 5:37, “But let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’ Anything more than this is from the evil one.” The Bible tells us that our no should mean no, which means that no is not an evil word. Hear us, parents. No is not an evil word. Your kids might think it is, but it is not. If you want your kids to be able to accomplish their goals in life, you are going to have to use the backbone God gave you. Likewise, you have to seek God’s perspective in applying an attitude of ‘welcoming no’ in your home.

Philippians 4:6 tells us, “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Just as when we pray, we can hear one of three answers back from the Lord - yes, no, or not right now, as Christ-followers, we must be in His word so that we can rightly discern the ‘no’ from the ‘not right now.’ As a five-minute family, we can honor the Lord by ‘welcoming no’ so that we stay within God’s will always.

To cultivate grit, parents, you must give yourself permission to say no. Many parents can be persuaded to change their minds, which means that the kiddos keep coming back and pushing until you change your mind. You are not teaching them perseverance by giving in. Yes, when a young lady entered the Miss USA contest seven years in a row, she was told no six times, but she came back only within the guidelines of the rules and next year’s competition. Teach your children when they may ask about something again. Talk with them at non-stressful times about how and when they should approach you to try again. Perseverance requires accepting hard no’s sometimes, and it requires coming back in the right times other times.

Five things to remember as we learn how to ‘welcome no’ as a family are:

1.    Parents, we are not to exasperate our children as Colossians 3:21 says because we do not want our children to lose heart, which means we need to evaluate whether we need to say yes more often. Do not say no out of habit, frustration, or laziness. If you can say yes, then do so.

2.    Have reasonable consequences when your child has not accepted no well. Think through the times your child is having the most difficulty accepting no and be proactive in preparing your child for what the rules are and what the consequences may be. And, as always, make sure that your consequences are age appropriate.

3.    Realize that, no matter their age, when you say no, your child is facing true disappointment. Do not downplay the emotions of your children. Acknowledge the disappointment and then address the disappointments at the appropriate times and explain how your child can work through disappointments, which we will discuss more about the next time we are together.

4.    Evaluate your own ability to accept a ‘no’ answer. Have your children heard you spout off about a boss that didn’t let you do something you wanted to do? Demonstration is the heart of parenting, so be mindful of your own “welcoming no’ behaviors.

5.    ‘No’ allows your child to learn delayed gratification. No screens until practice is complete is one example. Delayed gratification is important for patience, self-regulation, and impulse control, all of which help to improve kiddos’ school scores, ability to handle stress, and social skills.

‘Welcoming no’ can be a win-win situation for you and your child, but you must be willing to say it. As Proverbs 22:6 points out, we are to “train up a child in the way he should go.” Note, that we are not to train them up the way WE want them to go, nor are we to train them up to go even the way THEY want to go, but we are to train them up in the way they SHOULD go. And this takes community, biblical community, where we can share God’s perspective in all things and cultivate grit through both our strengths and weaknesses. 

Thank you so much for joining us this morning. We pray that God will open the eyes of your heart and show you how to begin with five minutes a day to invest in and to deepen your family relationships. Be blessed!

English grammar fascinates me. Word use and history, sentence structure and syntax. All of it. And, recently, we have read a few articles that dive into the history and use of the word y’all and its regional siblings of ‘you ‘uns’ and ‘you guys.’ The study of these words and their usage is fun. And, since the word ‘you’ is the technically correct word for both the single AND plural in English, applying these regional plural uses of the word ‘you’ can help us better understand biblical texts because the original Greek used in what became the New Testament Scripture had both a singular and plural version of ‘you.’

As Ryan Martin of The Gospel Coalition points out, Philippians 1:6 says, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” and 1 Corinthians 3:16 states, “Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?” In both of these passages, the ‘you’ is the plural form in the original Greek, not the singular, though we often apply them in singular contexts. In Corinthians God is addressing the divisions within the Corinthian church and how they are not properly witnessing about the oneness of God.

You and y’all, him and them, she and they. Individual or Community focus. When you take a look at some small details, it can make a big difference.

From an individual perspective, Jesus specifically demonstrates in Luke 19 how we are each held accountable for our own actions. Another person’s sin may affect us but it will not condemn us. Likewise, the Bible celebrates the one when Jesus tells the parable of leaving the 99 sheep to find the one. From a community focus, we see in Acts 2 how the believers shared all they had willingly with one another. There are also well over one hundred one anothering verses. We are to be in community and take care of each other. As you can see, individualism and collectivism are both presented positively in the Bible.

As we have said many times, our earthly lives are about finding balance. Ultimately, we are not to live for others always or live for self always. We are to live to glorify God always and love Him forever, which means at times we will focus on others and at times we will focus on ourselves which is the true proper balance with God as the guide and foundation. Ok, so what does all this mean for the Five Minute Family? Well, it means that we need to understand the difference of individual application of Scripture AND biblical community application of Scripture, which, remember, biblical community starts in the family. We cannot read the Bible from our own personal perspectives; we must look to see what God wants us to learn through His perspective.

To kick off a study about the biblical ‘you’ and ‘y’all’ occurrences we suggest:

1.    Discuss the ‘me-first’ mindset so many Americans have today. Globally, many cultures, and even subcultures in America, are more communally focused.

2.    Choose a few passages that use the word ‘you.’ Pay attention to context and guess whether you each think the passage is about the individual you or the group you.

3.    Ask your kids what they think changes about a passage if it is ‘you’ singular or ‘y’all’ plural. 

4.    Study the original language together. One great resource we use often is the Blue Letter Bible. It doesn’t have to be an overly involved study. Just simply click the interlinear tool to see if the singular or plural version of ‘you’ is being used and see if your guess based on context was correct.

5.    Review Philippians 2:3-4 together. Different versions convey the sentiment with words such as merely or also, but fundamentally, we are called to not only look to our own interests but also to “think of others better than ourselves,” so challenge your family to think about how they can individually and collectively change a common mindset so that you will have the biblical focus needed for yourselves, others, and God’s perspective.

One thing we appreciate about prayer to our Father in Heaven is the ability to lift up others to Him. We would love to pray for you and your family and would appreciate your prayers for our family as we minister to others. Contact us at cvr@clearviewretreat.org or on our Facebook page and let us know how we can serve you and yours. Be blessed!

With some recent health issues, not including but complicated by the pandemic, we began to contemplate more in-depth the concept of exhaustion. Did you know that there are different types of exhaustion? And, yes, the kids can feel them too. Often, with our kiddos, we think a good nap will fix it all, and occasionally it does, but the reality is that each if us reaches different types of exhaustion at different times, and we need to be mindful of one another. Just to quickly list the five types of exhaustion we are discussing briefly today, they are:

Physical

Mental

Emotional

Social

and Purpose-lost

Let’s think about Elijah. In 1 Kings 19 we see that after he had prophesied for the Lord for years, through famine, battles, and drought, his life was threatened. He reached his limit. He became fearful and exhausted. What type of exhausted? Well, while the Bible doesn’t explicitly say, but we know the angel of the Lord gave him food to keep his energy up for a forty-day trip, so he was likely physically exhausted. He slept - an extra awful lot - so he was probably mentally exhausted.  Yet again, he had been the Lord’s demonstration of His awesome power, and still the people rejected God and him, so he was likely dealing with emotional and purpose-lost exhaustions. And, finally, the people he had been trying to reach day in and day out for all of his ministry as well as the people who fought against daily would have easily caused him to reach a level of social exhaustion.

So, families, what does all this mean for us? How do we apply that to our everyday lives? Let’s think through five common areas families face.

1.    Stereotypical bedtime battles - Children are sometimes afraid of missing out on the fun so they will get themselves into a place of physical exhaustion that is difficult to combat. Having a consistent bed time and bedtime routine will help tremendously for everyone to deal with physical exhaustion.

2.    Tantrums - (and just so we are clear, we will use toddlers for this example but don’t forget that we adults are guilty of tantrums, too) Tantrums usually come from a place of emotional exhaustion. A nap won’t cause emotional hurts to disappear. When a loved one is emotionally exhausted, allowing them to share what’s on their heart, even if their tone isn’t at its kindness, can help. Also, work to identify the emotion being felt and figure out what is needed to lead to a calmer and more logical skill set of dealing with the problem.

3.    Illnesses - When someone in the family is sick, physical and emotional exhaustions are obviously happening, but mental exhaustion may be overlooked. We gather information, sort through the important parts, plan appointments and family schedules, and keep track of medications. Mental exhaustion, or burnout, must be addressed, even in the midst of the illness. Take time for breaks using relaxation techniques and seeking counseling if needed. Also, you can keep a gratitude journal and focus your mind on prayer.  

4.    Natural personality differences - Are you a family of introverts, extroverts, or mixed? Being considerate and mindful of these natural differences is important. One is not better than the other, but everyone has to be flexible. As a family, you must plan social interactions with everyone in mind. For the extroverts, the social interactions need to be frequent and meaningful to avoid social exhaustion, and for the introverts, you must allow boundaries for how often and to what extent they must participate to avoid social exhaustion. Likewise, for the introvert, planned down time is extremely important.

And, lastly,

5.    Disappointments - While purpose-lost exhaustion can happen even when all is going well, disappointments are a leading cause. If you or a loved one is facing purpose-lost exhaustion, first examine yourself and your walk with the Lord. Dive into His word and ask Him to show you where you and your family will find their purpose. Then, try volunteering in various places until you find what you are passionate about. You can take a sabbatical or retreat to reconnect with one another and the Lord. As Christ-followers, we know our ultimate purpose is in glorifying God but how that looks day-in and day-out will look different for each family.

Thank you so much for joining us today. Please check out clearviewretreat.org for more information, especially if you or a loved one is facing one of the exhaustions that we can help with. May God guide you this week as you seek Him. Be blessed! 

I have struggled for ten years to come to terms with the crisis of faith I had when our son died. God is faithful, always faithful, even when we are not. This past Sunday morning I considered the concept that John saw and then believed. As I pondered that, I was filled with God’s peace about the disillusion and confusion I had felt when our son died. I didn’t realize that I had held a false belief that if I lived a good life for God that I would be rewarded with good things - not material things - but good relationships and good results from my endeavors. In our son Jedidiah’s death, God was showing me His power, His grace, and His purposes. Our son’s short life had a purpose and made an impact. It changed me, and that impact in me affects every life I have the opportunity to touch: my husband, my children, the grocery store clerk, the families that come to CVR, and on.

The disciples did not yet understand the old testament scriptures that Jesus had quoted them. They did not understand what He had so often alluded to before His death on the cross. Peter and John both saw the miracle of Jesus’s being gone from the tomb, but they still left. Peter saw, left, and wondered while John saw, believed, and still left. The ones who walked with Jesus still needed Him to show Himself. Please don’t get us wrong. We are not throwing away verses like Hebrew 11:1 that states, “Now faith is the reality of what is hoped for, the proof of what is not seen.” God has revealed Himself through the Scripture, and we can learn many aspects of Him without having to have empirical proof. But, we all struggle somewhere. We all have moments of needing to put God’s Words in action in our lives. We all have more that we can understand about the word of God.

Before our son’s death, I believed by faith that God existed, I believed by faith He sent His son to die for my sins, and I believed by faith that He rose again. The day our son died, a part of me ceased to exist. And, God knew that I was empty in the deep recesses of my heart, that my faith would waiver, and that I was being torn apart. He allowed me to see so much of His power (and He continues to do so) so that my belief in Him would become stronger and stronger. Just as the disciples felt let down, bewildered, and lost when Jesus died, I felt let down, bewildered, and lost when our son died. Yet, Jesus loved me (and you) enough to suffer and die so that when we are faced with the death of a loved one or any loss or challenge, you and I can have hope.

So, if you find yourself in a crisis of faith and you are waiting for God to show you something, we encourage you to do the following:

1.    Allow yourself to fully feel what you are going through. Feelings should not lead us but be led by us. Denying your feelings won’t help; acknowledge them and don’t let them dominate.

2.    Have the courage to ask the tough questions you are thinking. Think like a child. A child is curious and asks some tough questions.

3.    Seek wise counsel. Godly men and women who have experienced heartaches and challenges will be able to listen well and guide you gently. And, as always, please be discerning in who you seek out for counsel.

4.    Find the root of your struggle. Do you have unmet expectations? Are you believing falsehoods? Whatever it is, ask yourself the hard questions. 

5.    Give yourself time. The answers may not come quickly or as quickly as they do for someone else, but they will come.

John 20:29 tells us that “blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” Still, though, if you have had to beg God to show you something in order to grow in your faith, be comforted that you are not alone, and God can and still will use you in His kingdom.

Please let us know more about your faith journey in the comments on our blog at clearviewretreat.org or on our Clear View Retreat facebook page. Be blessed!

TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families! How wonderful it is to be with you this morning. Clear View Retreat is fully opened for the 2021 season, and we are excited for this upcoming year. If you have interest in attending a Family Camp or Marriage Retreat, or any of the other ministry events we host, please check out our website at clearviewretreat.org.

Have you ever tried to put a puzzle together without a picture for reference? It is tough. Most of us will give up. Sometimes, the Bible can seem like a puzzle with no picture reference, especially for kiddos. A collection of cool stories, yes. A truth to bring comfort and purpose, yes. But, a complete picture, um, sometimes, not so much.

This week in children’s church we discussed the Passover. What is so fascinating about learning about the Passover celebration meal (which is called a Seder by the way) is that the Old Testament Passover and the New Testament Communion are the combining remembrance ceremonies of the Bible. Jesus’s final Passover meal and the resulting communion ceremony help to give us that big picture reference that sometimes seems lost.

For a quick history, in Exodus, God used Moses to free the Israelites from slavery in Egypt, so God’s people celebrate Passover every year to remember God’s hand of protection. Remembering where we come from is important. God specifically commanded the Israelites in Numbers, Leviticus, and more to celebrate Passover beginning on the 14^th day of the month of Nisan (usually our March or April) in specific ways, which included certain foods, unleavened bread, four cups of wine, and other details.

When Jesus gathered with his disciples for the Last Supper, they were celebrating Passover just as God has commanded. During His last earthly Passover meal, Jesus instructed His followers to share the wine and unleavened bread to remember him. Luke 22:19 starts it this way, “And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.’” Communion gives Christ-followers a way to gather together and remember Jesus’s saving power as well as the rich history of all that God has done throughout history.

So, as a five-minute family wanting to apply God’s word, Passover offers many teaching opportunities to build biblical knowledge, engage in family discipleship, and have some great educational fun. Our top five suggestions for applying this biblical truth in your home are:

1.    Instead of simply reading long scripture passages, keep the verse selection short and simple. Maybe focus on acting out one or two parts within the big picture. There are great online scripts for a quick, entertaining living room play. Wear bathrobes, shawls, and sandals to pretend to be the Israelites.

2.    Prepare the Seder meal foods together. Use the preparation time to discuss the importance of the different elements. This will help keep the actual dinner a little shorter for younger children. Something to note: Lamb meat with bone in is expensive, so see about substitutes. If funds are especially tight, you could find a coloring sheet of a Seder plate to print out and discuss as you color together.

3.    Eat the Seder meal together. For families with younger kids, you might opt to keep everything short and do a quick sampling, but if your family is able, you can make a full dinner out of it. Again, you can keep this meal as simple as you would like. The key elements are pita bread or matzah, hard-boiled egg, charoset, a piece of parsley, lamb or chicken for the meat, and grape juice.

4.    Depending on the ages of children, choose only one item to discuss in depth and let the other parts simply be there. Yes, that could become a multi-year commitment, but those hooks and the depth of conversation that can grow from that are innumerable.

5.    Get multi-sensory, too. Grab a stuffed lamb for the center piece. Do crafts with cotton balls on construction paper or even sandpaper for the bricks of the pyramids. You can watch a movie together that focuses on the exodus. Or, even, pull out a red sash and place it over your home’s doorframe.

The goal in anything you do to teach your loved ones about the Passover should be to point back to the big picture which is the thread of Jesus Christ throughout the Bible. Remembering helps us not only make better decisions for the future but also to be thankful for all the Lord has done to better our lives and our eternity.

If you have attended a Seder dinner in the past or have ideas on how to make a memorable Seder experience, we would love to hear about them. You can comment on our facebook page or on our blog/podcast page. May God bless your upcoming week!  

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male slave, or his female slave, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Exodus 20:17

Last week we defined coveting as excessively desiring something that belongs to someone else and dwelling on the wanting of it for your own. Tara Tegard of ministry-to-children.com has a more kid-friendly definition: “To covet means to want something selfishly, without caring about what others think or feel.”    

For example, your child may not play with a toy for weeks, months, or even years, but as soon as a sibling plays with that toy and has fun, whoa, nelly… here comes the fight. The first child is coveting the joy that his or sibling is having with that forgotten treasure. The child may speak rudely, grab, hit, and more to get the toy back. Yes, it is an easy illustration, but it is the type of coveting we parents see every day.

Children have trouble understanding that having what someone else has does not always bring about the same happiness or joy we see them experience. We all forget too often that God owns everything, as it is said in Psalms 50:10, “For every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.” There is enough for each of us.

As Lili from The Bottom Line said, “We want good things, for our children, for others, and for ourselves. But if we covet, we will do things, ungodly things, to attain that which we [feel we] must have. We are in danger of replacing God with that ‘thing’ we [feel we] must have.”

Thus, we must consider our family habits… does your family typically pass time by just going shopping? We are not talking about your weekly grocery store trip or back-to-school shopping. We are asking… do you shop for things to fill a void - shop for things you don’t need or maybe even only think you need? Or, perhaps on the flip side, you never let your kids have things that they desire; you operate specifically on a needs-only basis. Sometimes, financial situations may warrant that approach, and we need to be open and honest with our kids, age-appropriately of course, about the family’s financial situation, but for the most part, the reality is that life on this earth is about balance. The only things that we can never overdo are loving God, studying His word, and doing good works in His name.

And, now, here are five practical suggestions about how to help kids work through covetous thoughts and behaviors:

1.    Give your children chores to do - no matter how old they are. There are numerous websites out there that have age-appropriate chores. Please check them out.

2.    Practice talking through thankfulness and gratitude every evening with your children. Susan Rhoads points out that “The Oxford Dictionary defines the word grateful as “showing an appreciation of kindness.” This is where the difference lies; being thankful is a feeling, and being grateful is an action.”

3.    Encourage your child to give away some of their own ‘good condition’ items to those in need or to go shopping with you for those in need.

4.    Allow your child to work for desired items. Help them to see the value and rewards of hard work.

And, finally,

5.    When your child becomes upset about something that he or she cannot have, talk through whether the item will bring lasting joy. Last week Kim and I both wanted to address the concepts of happiness versus joy, but there really wasn’t adequate time. Compassion International says it this way, “Joy is an inner feeling. Happiness is an outward expression. Joy endures hardship and trials and connects with meaning and purpose. A person pursues happiness but chooses joy.”

Coveting is a tough but necessary topic to discuss; we hope it helps your families realize the importance of thinking through biblical concepts and finding useful ways to put them into practice.

We are so grateful you joined us this week. We are excited to report that this radio devotional-turned-podcast has now been heard in thirteen countries! And, we must say a big thank you to Dustin for helping us out! Thank you, Dustin!

And, to you, our listeners, may the Lord bless you and keep you; may He be gracious to you; and may He meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Amen.

TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. How has this past week treated you? We have had many things hit the calendar in the past few days, so our busy level has elevated. Many families live life in a constant state of “busy.” They almost wear “busy” as a badge of honor.

One reason busy-ness is so highly valued in our society is because we are all running around trying to get the best of everything… the best home, the best shoes, the best vacations, the best experiences, etc. Stop a moment and ask yourself… are you busy because you are sinning? Stick with us here… are you busy because you are coveting and thus acting on seeking out the very things you see others have and you want?

Those are some hard questions to ponder. Please realize we are not saying that coveting is not simply wanting something. Having the thought that a house you drive by is nice, and you would like to have one someday is not the sin of coveting. Coveting is excessively desiring something that belongs to someone else and dwelling on the wanting of it for your own.

Again, we are not talking about wanting a new home when yours is filling with mold or wanting a new home when you can afford it and your family would benefit from extra space. Maybe you want to be able to host a church small group. However, if you want that house and THEN that want becomes a sinful thought pattern that leads you into debt, deceit, or some other pattern of sin, that is breaking the tenth commandment.  To think that our desire for a new home or a new car or a new whatever is breaking one of the ten commandments can be quite sobering.

Some say the tenth commandment is not the simple add-on many think it is after the big sins of murder and idolatry, but rather the tenth commandment is actually a culmination of the nine that precede it. Colossians 3:5 tells us the covetousness is idolatry. Jeremiah 6:13 tells us that covetousness can lead to lying. 2 Samuel 11 shows how covetousness can lead to adultery. Micah 2:2 tells us that covetousness can lead to theft. 1 Kings 21 illustrates how covetousness can lead to murder.

So, ok, we can all agree… coveting is bad. It is an internal sin that can become an external one very quickly and very badly. But, how do we deal with it when it seeps into our family’s life? And it will seep in. Before we address what we should do about coveting as a family or how to help our kids deal with coveting, we need to address with our own covetous hearts. What about us, parents? What do we do when we are coveting? Here are five practical ideas to implement:

1.    Practice being content. As Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “I have learned in whatever situation to be content.” When we begin to think of something we want, we must take an inventory of what we already have. Is what we have meeting our needs?

2.    Evaluate your concept of happiness. Are you placing your happiness in things or activities that you might get to do? We need to look to Christ and glorifying God for our true, lasting happiness. Psalm 16:11 states, “You will make known to me the way of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”

3.    Avoid speaking aloud your covetous thoughts. Take those thoughts captive when they are still ‘first thoughts.’ Not only should you not dwell on covetous thoughts, you should not speak them out loud.

4.    Do not compare yourself to others. Obviously, that is so much easier said than done. If you have a bad habit of doing this, you need to replace that habit with a positive one. Instead of comparing yourself to others, stop the critical voice inside your head, make a list of your strengths (yes, write them down), and you might need to take a social media fast.

5.    Assess whether you have allowed the sin of coveting to lead you to other sinful behavior. This can be especially tough to admit. If you have sinned, confess that sin. Make restitution if needed, and repent to the Lord for your mistakes.

Five Minute Families, we are walking through this sanctification process with you. We often write about the very things we are dealing with ourselves or in our own family. No one is immune to sin, and it is our hope and joy to walk this path with you. If you ever want more information about what we do here at Clear View Retreat, please check us out on our website at clearviewretreat.org, and you can get past Five Minute Devotionals on your favorite podcast server.

Please remember to join us next week as we conclude this discussion by addressing what we need to do as parents to help our kids deal with coveting. May God guide you and keep you this week. May His light shine upon you. Be blessed!

TRANSCRIPT: Good morning, Five Minute Families. Thank you for joining us this morning. The citizens of the United States of America have been facing the realities of disunity in recent years. Of course, elements of disunity have always been there, but there are times when disunity rises to a fever-pitched and must be addressed anew. This idea of American unity and disunity got me to thinking about how a family moves forward when disunity reigns. Unity is defined as “oneness; the quality or state of being made one; or the state of those who are in full agreement.” We all know that families are not always united. We do not continuously have one purpose in mind or common interests that keep us connected.

So, what can we do when we are not united or feel distinctly divided? We suggest another tactic, especially if unity seems more of a stretch in this season of your family life… Solidarity. Solidarity means providing mutual support within a group or to a particular group. Often, unity and solidarity are used interchangeably, yet I don’t think they are synonymous. Unity can simply happen with like-minded folks, but family solidarity takes a different level of intentionality. I am not talking about being angry at the person who angered your child; I am not talking about agreeing with your spouse when you completely disagree in your heart. I am talking about choosing to take a stand and support someone who is different than you, even though you may share a last name or a home.

I don’t agree with everything my children do, especially my adult children, but I support them in their efforts to become God-honoring individuals. And, that is going to look a lot different for each one of them and from what I thought it would look like. But, I am committed to my family - to their well-being and to their growth, so I choose a position of solidarity.

Mike Tenney suggests we consider solidarity as ‘empathy plus community.’ When we have compassion for and choose to try to understand someone else’s experience in the world, we create stronger relationships. So, how can a family create an environment of solidarity?

First, if there have been hurts or difficulties, we must acknowledge what has happened and what those differences are. Instead of ignoring them, we recognize that we each have different experiences to consider.

Second, we must work to establish trust (or reestablish trust if it was broken in a time of conflict). No one needs to be someone they are not, and we each need to accept that the path God will take each of us may look different. As we hold one another up in prayer, we can work to be trustworthy and honest with one another. Maybe one person in the family is liberal and another is conservative. Work together to practice listening and effective, respectful debate. That way, trust is built that each person is heard without emotions flying high.

Third, let’s find something fun and outside our usual activities to do together. We need to go outside each person’s comfort zone and find something that allows us to connect. We cannot just focus on our differences. Family members can work to find something together they will enjoy, even if there are a few dud moments in the process.

Fourth, if someone in the family is struggling, spend time with them. Mom or dad, maybe your teen is stressed and having a hard time cleaning her room; maybe chatting while cleaning together will help. Or, simply sitting together in the mess and allowing her to vent without feeling judged by the mess around her. You get the point. Pray and see how you can simply be together to encourage authentic communication.

And, finally, sacrifice with your family member. 1 Corinthians 12:26a tells us about the church that “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” Some simple examples of sacrifice to better understand and stand in solidarity with one another include not eating sushi when your pregnant wife cannot. Or, not eating a biscuit at the restaurant when your gluten-free child is there. Mike Tenney explains, “When we suffer with a person, we come to understand the way they experience the world, and we can unite our strength to theirs.”

He continues, “Simply imagining myself in someone else’s shoes doesn’t heal the divide. How many times have I seen a video about people I could help and realize that I feel compassion for them, but then don’t actually do something about it? Solidarity goes a step further and puts empathy into action. Solidarity actually walks a mile in another’s shoes — or at least walks next to them. It’s hard to hate people you are sharing a meal with, having fun with, or building something together with. This principle is enshrined famously in Jesus’ Golden Rule — ‘treat others as you would have them treat you.’”

Five Minute Families, we pray you will walk in solidarity and work to find common ground with one another in order to enrich your home, your community, and the world. May God be glorified in your lives this week. Be blessed!

You see, family members are our closest neighbors and are often armed with the ability to hurt us the most. Family can learn what will cut - and cut deeply - the quickest. Then, if one person is hurt, he or she may lash out and hurt everyone in the family. Learning to forgive is a vital skill. Matthew tells us in chapter 18 verses 21-22 that when asked how many times we should forgive one another, Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” That’s a lot. But, in a family, it is often a needed prompt.

Hurts run deep, and a family member may have no idea how much they have hurt you. When it is a child hurting the parent, some parents are quick to forgive, but that does not mean we do not hurt. Sometimes, the child was not intending hurt, they were merely childish. Other times, the child was being self-centered, but, again, we parents should desire setting that example of forgiveness.  

In Matthew 6:14-15, the Lord tells us, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” You see, forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling. And as Jim said, parents have to set the example of forgiveness, and, yes, when your children are old enough, it means that you explain the process of forgiveness.

It can begin simply when you teach your child to apologize at an early age. You can have your child say (and of course fill in the blanks), “I am sorry for [blank]. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” It is funny how a young child will repeat that phrase “I am sorry for hitting you. It was wrong. Will you please forgive me?” for a number of months or years, depending on the child, and then all of a sudden turn to you one day and say, “what does forgive mean?”

So, what does it mean to forgive? Forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense or mistake. It can also mean to cancel a debt. Secular and Christian psychologists alike “generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”

1.    Acknowledge the hurt or wrong. Psalm 34:18 tells us that “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Look into your heart and mind. Speak with the Lord about your hurts. Journal them or speak calmly with the offender if or when warranted.

2.    Remember how God forgave you. Luke 23:34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

3.    Choose to forgive. Take your thoughts captive to keep from replaying the offense over and over again. How to take our thoughts captive? Identify triggers. Have a plan for replacement thoughts and activities to keep you from heading down that path of replaying offenses.

4.    Begin work to repair the relationship (if needed or desired). We are not God and while we can choose to forgive, forgetting is much harder. A relationship may need counseling and skills training to learn new ways of communication or to learn new coping mechanisms.

5.    Acknowledge the feelings even after the choice. Often, it will take longer for our feelings to match the choice of forgiveness we have made. We must be aware of them and work through the process of forgiveness as often as is necessary.

A final thing to note about forgiving someone is that, no, the person does not have to ask for forgiveness for you to forgive. We are called to forgive whether the person seeks it or not Ephesians 4:32 reminds us of this, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Christ forgave while we were all steeped in our sin and unrepentant.

Thank you for joining us this week. Check us out at clearviewretreat.org and please tell your friends about us! Be blessed!

~~

If you would like to support the work CVR does for families, please donate at www.clearviewretreat.org/get-involved/donate/. Thank you!

I must admit, I have been disappointed most of the winter that these projects were on hold. I was reminded every time I went outside that there were projects left undone, and we didn’t have the ability to revisit them yet. Disappointment is the sadness or displeasure that is caused by any nonfulfillment of our hopes or expectations, and disappointments come in all shapes and sizes.

Now, some disappointments are easily dismissed. Ones such as “ahh, I didn’t get the dessert I wanted because they were all gone by the time I got to the dessert line.” We don’t dwell on those disappointments, yet … some disappointments accumulate, and we end up living out Proverbs 13:12 wherein hope deferred makes a heart sick. Likewise, accumulated disappointments can lead to an inactivity - an almost inability to move forward for fear that more disappointments will be around the corner.

Unexpressed disappointment or unexplored disappointment may cause someone to become complacent and even comfortable in a cycle of disappointment. Oi. Disappointment can be dizzying. Parents and children alike deal with disappointments. Ever watched your child’s face after you have answered no when they ran excitedly up to you and asked for a new toy that was just advertised? Your kiddo may have thrown a fit. And, how often do we respond with something akin to “oh, stop and get over it. Throwing a fit isn’t going to get the toy for you.” Your child had a hope or expectation that something would happen and now they know it won’t.

So, how can we positively, biblically, deal with disappointments?

Well, we need to acknowledge the disappointment (any disappointment) and the emotions that arise from it. God may have wired our brains to process disappointments through the limbic system of the brain, which is also responsible for emotions, but He also told us to take our thoughts captive and train our minds to think His way. In neuroscience speak, that means intentionally taking the time to move the thoughts about the disappointment into our cerebral cortex. Which means, we must use reason when we face our disappointments. Yes, we need to acknowledge and fully feel our emotions from the disappointment, but we must not stay there.

Five Minute parents, that means we have to help our children train their brains to move their disappointment from their emotional brain center to thinking through the process logically. And, if we aren’t in the habit of doing that, we need to practice, practice, practice doing so!

We must make sure that we (and our children) learn not to attribute disappointments and negative events to personal failings, directing anger inwards on ourselves. Likewise, some folks turn their disappointment into anger directed to others, especially the person who didn’t meet their expectation. Either direction is unhealthy. As we take our concerns to the Lord, we see in Romans 12:2a we should not “conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.”

We must consider what we have the control to change and what we do not have the control to change. Sometimes, we are disappointed in circumstances and sometimes we are disappointed by people. Pinpointing the underlying cause and its potential solutions is extremely important in dealing with disappointment in a healthy, godly way.

Unmet expectations lead to disappointment, so identify your own expectations and those of other family members. Remember, “we’re as capable of disappointing others as they are of disappointing us.” We must be ready to forgive and move forward as a family when someone has failed to fulfill an expectation. As one writer over at Bible.org stated, “When we set our hearts on people or on circumstances, we are usually disappointed. God wants us to set our hearts only on Him. He wants us to trust in His goodness, even in the midst of our deepest disappointments.”

We must seek God’s wisdom and have REALISTIC expectations of life’s circumstances and of each other. Just as Proverbs 3:5-8 states, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” We must learn to cast our cares on Him and have confidence in His timing.

This leads to satisfaction, which should be grounded in the example of Christ Jesus and His grace. Let us end with Matthew 5:6, “blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied.” 

Thank you for joining us for these five minutes. We pray that these minutes encourage you to reflect on who you are in Christ and who you are to Christ while in community with family and fellow believers. Find out more about our ministry at clearviewretreat.org. Be blessed! 

Families fight. We disagree and misunderstand each other and all that jazz. But, how do we RESOLVE disagreements? We cannot wallow in our anger, and we cannot become comfortable in the silence that often results as we seek to avoid further conflict. So, how does a five-minute family deal with those disagreements?

Parents, the role of negotiator, mediator, or arbitrator will often fall on you. You must resolve to set good boundaries and fair practices. It can be so very exhausting if one or more of your children are more prone to conflict-producing behavior, but you need to seek the Lord’s strength and wisdom. Don’t step away from your God-given role like I tried to do once during a particularly trying period in one of our son’s lives. He seemed to live to disagree with everyone inside our home. Abdicating my role was a mistake, and I had to learn from it.

We must, above all, display Christ-like character. Even when we may feel like a failure, we must intentionally choose the attitude of Christ. Philippians 2:4-5 reminds us that “each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

In all disagreements, there will be times to compromise. There will be times to collaborate, and there will be times to accommodate the other person’s needs. Remaining flexible is extremely important.

1.    First, define the specific problem at hand. Now, you might see that there is a deeper, underlying issue, but try to focus on the immediate disagreement, and then, later, if there is a deeper, underlying issue, make a plan to address it when the timing is right.

2.    Assess everyone’s emotional and physical needs before diving in. If a little one needs to run to the bathroom or grab a bite to eat, those will help immensely to ease the tension and allow focus.

3.    Make a commitment to respect each other’s viewpoints and to recognize the importance of each family member involved in the disagreement.

4.    Seek to understand the other person’s position. Mom and Dad, there may be times when you speak individually to each child in order to validate their feelings and hear them out without interruptions, and sometimes, you will need to let the kids (or each other) fully hear the other one out in order for them to better understand the other person’s perspective. Remind your children and yourselves that everyone we be listening carefully for the other person’s heart feelings and perspective, not just waiting for the other person to speak.

5.    And, finally, propose a solution. Part of the solution may require forgiveness (we will be discussing forgiveness in detail in a couple of weeks).

While conflict might drive the narrative in writing a good story, conflict in real life can be damaging OR it can be a teaching opportunity that motivates better communication and better relating in the future. Just like fictional writing can include conflict with the self, conflict with others, conflict with the environment, or conflict with the supernatural, conflict and disagreements in real life often are the intersection and interactions of the four. Members of the five-minute family, especially the parents, must take time to ascertain whether one of those conflicts are superseding what the disagreement really seems to be about.

Please note that we know that some disagreements will take much more than the five steps we discussed. If you are in a place of ongoing, unresolved, or destructive conflict, please seek safe, godly counsel from a wise pastor, mentor, or therapist. If the disagreement has led to continuing sinful behavior, it can be harder to reach resolution. However, it can be done, but you must be willing to seek God’s will and engage in some serious relational work.

Whether it is a minor disagreement over whose turn is next or it is a major disagreement such as whether to move to another state, seek the Lord and His will in your relationships. Remember, blessed are the peacemakers.

Thank you for joining us this morning. And don’t forget to tell your family and friends to join us because they, too, can benefit from a good godly perspective for their families. May God bless your week, and we hope to hear from you on our blog at clearviewretreat.org.

Valentine’s Day is coming up! Who has plans for a special dinner, a nice piece of jewelry, a lovingly handcrafted item, or an extraordinary adventure? Many folks take Valentine’s Day to the next level. In fact, we have a family member whose favorite day of the entire year is Valentine’s Day (let’s hope her husband never forgets that!). So, what is Valentine’s Day really about?

Within the Catholic church, there are three Saint Valentine’s in history and their stories are each different. Yet, each contains elements of bravery and kindness. We know that in the 5^th century the Pope declared February 14^th as Saint Valentine’s Day. Likewise, this time of year has long been celebrated in cultures around the world as one of romance. Rituals and ceremonies accompanied some of those celebrations. By 1375, a written account of celebrating romantic love on February 14^th appears in historical records. So, no, Valentine’s Day is not a holiday invented by the card companies, chocolatiers, and florists of the world to make more money off of you. Sorry, guys, you can’t use that excuse anymore!

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic love or a day to celebrate relationships in general, the point is that we all have an opportunity to show love to another. God is our first, best, and ultimate example of love. The love in EVERY relationship, if founded on the unconditional example of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice for us, can be a wonderful, fulfilling love that brings peace, comfort, and compassion.

Our local church had a wonderful idea for celebrating Valentine’s Day this year. Each person would bring in a non-perishable food item for the church to take over to a local food drive program. In exchange, the church member would receive a box of chocolates. The kicker though… those chocolates aren’t for the church member. They are for a neighbor of the church member - a sweet way to share a quick invitation to join us at church or to open a conversation about what Jesus has done in our lives and why we share about Him.

Let’s talk neighbors for a minute. Are you following Jesus’s words in Matthew 22 when He tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves? Have you had a dispute with a neighbor in which you behaved in a unChristlike fashion? Have you “lost your witness,” so to speak?

Maybe you don’t have a dispute with your neighbor but you don’t like how he or she keeps the yard and you are constantly irritated and, thus, not rude but truly not very kind when you get home each evening and the neighbor’s family is outside playing in the yard? Maybe you have an excellent relationship with your neighbors and feel that you can trust them to help protect your home and family.

God wants us to be good neighbors and to be glorifying Him in those relationships. That is why He advises these next five things about neighbors in His word:

1.    Romans 13:10 points out that love does no wrong to a neighbor.

2.    Leviticus 19:18 reminds us not to take vengeance or even bear a grudge against a neighbor.

3.    If Luke 6:27 tells us to do good to our enemies, how much more so should we be willing to do good to our neighbors?

4.    Ephesians 4:25 says that we are not speak falsely to our neighbors.

5.    And, finally for our list today, Romans 15:2 encourages us to please our neighbors for their good to build them up.

Here are some practical applications of God’s ways to love your neighbors:

When there is conflict, for example their dog keeps coming into your yard, go and speak with them kindly. Offer understanding and your desired solution.

Be aware of differences in the seasons of life. If you have young children and live next to an aging couple who is battling cancer, taking naps at random parts of the day, the noise from your children may be upsetting to them. They may not want to tell you all that they are experiencing, so all you may see is a grumpy old man throwing angry glances at you the next time you are both out.

We live in a much more isolated world now than we once did. We are more connected via devices, but not many folks stand outside and have a simple conversation with their neighbor. If you have work you are about to have happen on your property, share with your neighbor what is coming and how long it is scheduled to last.

Take a moment to look at your place from their perspective. Does your compost pile face their place, ruining the otherwise pleasant view they had of a God-painted sunset?

Help with yardwork if they are going through a tough season. And, be willing to ask for help if you are.

Five Minute Families, communicating clearly and kindly honors God and helps to build stronger relationships, and that applies to loving your neighbor as yourself.

May God give you the opportunity to show love to a neighbor this week, and may you bless each other by responding to that opportunity. Please let us know how you celebrate Valentine’s Day on our Clear View Retreat facebook page. God bless!

Now, let’s jump into the final week of our “It is Well” series. We have discussed how to lead well, follow well, and grow well. We are going to end with serve well. Ultimately, Jesus came to serve, not to be served. He said himself in Luke 22, “rather, the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant.  For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.”

For some serving is so natural that they truly do not understand why anyone would even need to be reminded of serving other. However, we must point out that we placed ‘growing in Christ well’ before serving well on purpose. Just as Martha had to learn that service comes after gleaning God’s truth and sitting in His presence, servers-by-nature, must remember that very important lesson. Serving and growing in Christ go hand in hand, but servers often lose sight of that. If that is you and you aren’t sure who Martha is, please check out Luke chapter 10 verse 38 through 42.

For many though, serving does not come naturally or easily. James 2:24 tells us, “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.” By works we show our faith. Sometimes that faith is new or uninformed, but by serving we can learn and grow. Again, growing and serving are two sides of the sanctification coin.

So, how does a family serve well together?

One of the first ways to serve as a family is to serve each other. Some seasons of life are “at home” seasons such as when young children or an elderly parent need constant care. Don’t discount the service opportunities that present themselves every day. Just as our recommended “five minutes a day” should become so much more, serving one another at home will progress from an intentional single ask in the morning, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” to anticipating the needs and wants of your loved ones and fulfilling them out of a heart of service.

Another way to serve well together is to create a savings jar or account. Everyone can choose one luxury item to give up (mom or dad, maybe it is a café coffee for you; kiddos, maybe it is foregoing your favorite brand cereal that week; altogether, maybe you give up one regular night eating out). Place those monies together and then deliver food together to a local food bank, or if you can save enough, pay for a short-term mission together, or possibly for a member of the family to go on an international mission trip.

Local nonprofits always need the gift of your time. Yes, that can sometimes be tricky with children of various ages. But, if you are diligent, you can find one (such as ours) that would welcome your whole family, no matter what age, in order to meet the needs of the folks they serve.

Take a moment before grocery shopping to chat through all the ways you can brighten someone’s day, and if that someone is in front of you in line is holding it up in some way, take a moment to pray quickly, breathe deeply, and purposefully choose not to show your growing frustration. No, this isn’t an international mission trip way of serving, but, Five Minute Families, it is in the little moments we often get to reflect Jesus the most.

One final suggestion would be for your family to help a neighbor in need. You can rake the leaves, mow the lawn, and leave a treat you all baked together.

Of course, there are so many more ways to serve well together, but no matter what you choose, choose something after prayerful consideration. Remember your goal is not to feel good about yourselves, though you will; your goal is to shine a spotlight on the God who loves us all.

Thanks you so much for joining us today, and we pray that the eyes of your heart will be enlightened as to how Jesus wants us to live for Him together each and every day. Serve well and God bless!

Here’s an example. Jim left for a weekend mens’ retreat. We had a one-and-a-half-year-old and lived in another country. Our son and I hung out at home because I am a homebody, but without Papa to break up the days, by the end of the weekend, our son was fussy, and I was exhausted and stressed. When Jim got back, he wanted to share all that the Lord had done in his heart that weekend; he had had a “mountaintop” experience. I wanted to want to hear it all, but I also wanted him to understand that his absence was difficult for us; I had been in the “valley” most of the weekend. And, of course, our little one just wanted his papa’s undivided attention. My response to one of the revelations God had given Jim shut down his authentic sharing and drove us further apart for a time.

A time God used for His glory and our good. We needed to grow apart a bit in order to hold tighter to God’s hand - the One who would never leave us or forsake us. The One who at the end of a long weekend apart has nothing to distract Him. What we experienced in the weeks that followed were family growing pains. While we are one in God’s eyes and even with our family focus from the beginning of our marriage, we are still individuals who struggle and need God to show up and show off in mighty personal ways.

If we had not seen that God was working, we could have been resentful (well, I was for a bit, but God is God and He is good All. The. Time.). Jim was responsive to the Word and leading of the Lord, and that is the key to any one growing well. Isaiah 43:18-19 tells us, “Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Now, there are numerous articles out there telling individuals how to grow in Christ. The technical term is the sanctification process. Preachers, teachers, pastors and mentors can guide you in the individual process. What we want to focus in on is how does a FAMILY grow well together, even if a family member is in a completely different spiritually place at that time.

1.    Pray for each of your family members individually and collectively. We are sure you have noticed that many of our suggestions include prayer. Obviously, it is implicitly indicated in all that a Five Minute Family should be doing, but sometimes, we point it out because the situation is more delicate. Growth can cause pain, but growth is necessary.

2.    Listen when one of your loved ones shares what God is doing in his or her life, even if - well, especially if - you have already received that lesson from the Lord. Letting your loved one share what God is doing is praise worthy and important to their individual growth and your family’s collective growth as a unit.

3.    Speak up only when God prompts you. As a talker, I pray a quick prayer that God will zip my lips and let me fully be present, listening to my family member, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t want me to participate, too. Waiting for His prompting to respond has been a continuing lesson for me, but I am amazed every time He gives me the words to speak.

4.    Listen again. Most of us connect with someone by sharing our own personal experience with something similar. There is nothing wrong with that, AT TIMES. But, sometimes, we need to remember to listen AGAIN in order for our family member to feel validated in his or her own experience as well as for us to see the uniqueness of what God is doing in their lives, which impacts the whole family.

5.    And, accept hard truths. Parents, if we have failed to do something we know that we ought, we must accept the consequences and be willing to grow from our past mistakes. Kids, sometimes you do not understand the totality of a situation. If you don’t accept the hard truths from your parents, you will not grow well.

One of the reasons we started Clear View Retreat was to encourage families to grow well together. We want to provide a common language for parents and children so that when the mountaintop experiences occur, we celebrate them together and when the valleys loom large, we traverse them together. Remember, Five Minute Families, as God writes in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

Please check us out at clearviewretreat.org. We pray that you grow well and be blessed.

Do you remember playing the game ‘follow the leader’ as a child? Many of us failed miserably at the game. We got distracted. We didn’t like where the leader was leading. We listened to somebody else who wasn’t actually in charge. We didn’t hear the directions and then led everyone else behind us off the path. And on and on. When I was in a leadership role at our homeschool tutorial, a mom came to me and said, “Tell me what to do. I am not a good leader, but I am an excellent follower.” Having always led (or well, tried to lead) I was quite taken aback by her statement. But, her joy in being a good follower made me rethink following and leading.

Learning to follow well is extremely important, especially when our society tells us that to be successful, we must lead well. As we mentioned last week, Jesus Christ is a servant leader. Serving includes following in certain measures. God tells us in Philippians that we need to follow well. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:3-8

Ephesians 5:21 reminds us to ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.’ Following is not an inferior position to leading. We must choose to follow to strengthen our family and its functionality. Remember that following takes courage and self-control. Following allows us to support one another.

So, how do we follow well?

First, we must:

1.    Understand that God is the ultimate leader and following Him well is paramount to living a life that is genuinely Christ-like. Isaiah 58:11 points out that “The Lord will guide [us] continually.”

Secondly, we must:

2.    Respect the family leader. We realize that this SHOULD go without saying, but it often doesn’t. Wives get irritated that their husbands “aren’t doing enough” or “won’t pray often enough” - you get the picture. Husbands will sometimes have false ideas of what it means to be the leader of the household and do not respect Mama and the managerial leadership role she plays in not only the kids but also his life - medically, nutritionally, activity, etc. Mamas working in and out of the home are called the “Managers of the Home” for a reason. Parents, sometimes you need to allow your child to step into a leadership role and follow them well so that they see what that looks like. A family is more effective when each of your strengths are celebrated, and each person follows well in turn.

To follow well, we must also:

3.    Ask questions! Yes, even the dumb ones because, truly, the only dumb question is the unasked question. A leader typically has the goals and plan in mind but may not have communicated them completely well, and in a family, we are often all figuring it out together. By respectfully asking the questions you have, you help your family leader lead better.

Finally, two questions to ask yourself as you follow the authority in your home:

4.    Do you know the agenda? Listening to the family member leading the particular event you are dealing with right now allows you to know what the next steps are. If you do not care about the plan the leader is sharing, you are not following well.

5.    And, the second question is… Do you hold yourself accountable? While the leader will ask and direct the plan, you must require yourself to follow that plan. For example, when your parent or spouse suggested you think and pray about a Family Word of the Year, did you do so or did you just dismiss the idea until the next time he brought it up? If you aren’t following through on the steps given to you by your family leader, you aren’t following well.

Ah, Five Minute Families, knowing how to build each other up, knowing when to lead and when to follow, knowing the goals of growing well and serving well - all of these take much prayer and much consideration. We must choose to live life intentionally. We must choose our five minutes a day to snowball to five minutes an hour, until each moment we are connected to our Lord and living for our loved ones good and God’s glory. May God bless you this week as you seek to follow well!

A quick internet search will yield numerous articles on good leadership. Trip Kimball suggests we use the acronym of LEAD. L is listen and learn. E is educate and equip. A is accept and acknowledge. And, D is disciple and delegate.

Alison Doyle tells us that effective leaders have the ability to communicate well, motivate their team, handle and delegate responsibilities, listen to feedback, and have the flexibility to solve problems in an ever-changing workplace.

Steven Halter encourages leaders to lead out of love for God and obedience to Him as well as selfless concern for others - speaking the truth in love, listening humbly, serving, and supporting others.

Many more articles, books, and posts exist from the business world about leading well. Five elements become apparent as we look at the concept of leading well - AUTHORITY, THEM, YOU, GOALS, and ACTIONS.

A family is not a business, however. It isn’t the military or some other organization. Each family is a mini-church, which means our leadership example must be Jesus. Please read Philippians 2:5-8. Jesus is not an authoritarian leader nor is He simply a backseat navigator. He leads with authority and with humility. He leads with power and respect. He leads with holiness and love.

Christ is the greatest example of servant leadership. A good Christian leader considers each element of leading well - AUTHORITY, THEM, YOU, GOALS, and ACTIONS - in light of Jesus’s example:

First is a respect for authority, and in Five Minute Families, that authority is GOD. Since Psalm 37:23 points us that our steps are ordered by the Lord and Psalm 32:8 says that He will instruct us and teach us in the ways we should go, we must be able to recognize and respect the leadership of the Lord and His word.

A second element in leading well is to recognize the THEM of the group. Many ‘lead well’ lists give you the ideas to empower, equip, enable, motivate, and support your team. The THEM for a Five Minute Family is, of course, your family. Ephesians 4:16 reminds us that “from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” We must work together and recognize the gifts each person brings to the family and the kingdom of God. Again, to lead well you must empower, equip, enable, motivate, and support THEM - your family members.

Leading well is not just about God and your family members. YOU are a fundamental element, though we list you third. YOU must take responsibility. YOU must start with your own attitude. So many ‘lead well’ lists state things like “Start with you.” “Stop doing dumb things.” “Work on yourself, too.” “Make sure your attitude, appearance, and approach are aligned.” God’s Word says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” And that includes your ability to lead well.

A crucial fourth element of leading your family well includes GOALS - family goals. Proverbs 29:18 prompts us, “where there is no vision, the people perish.” Perish in the King James Version translates to ‘let loose’. To have a “vision” is to have a road map that shows us where we are going, what our goal is, and how to get there.

And, our final element to ‘lead well’ is taken from James 1:22: “Let them not just be hearers of the Word but doers also.” ACTION. You must take action. As others have stated, “Culture is created by the behavior you tolerate. You can post posters with uplifting words, your memos and speeches can have soaring ideals, but demonstrated behavior is what forms a culture.” Take the action of giving feedback, making it “fast, frequent, relevant, and positively delivered.”

We recommend that you choose one of these five actions to take to lead your family well this week:

1.    Go out of your way to praise a family member today.

2.    Review if your family members have the tools they need to succeed. If not, work on getting those tools for them.

3.    “Either find the time to have meaningful and regularly scheduled one-on-one time with your family members, or reconsider how you use the word ‘leader.’”

4.    “Communicate your [family goals] frequently. Telepathy doesn’t cut it.”

5.    Acknowledge emotions but don’t wallow in them.

Thank you for joining us this morning. Check us out at Clear View Retreat.org. May God give you hope for the future and energy to invest in each of the moments you have with your loved ones. God bless!

This year has taken so much from so many, and most folks are aching for 2021 to arrive. Unfortunately, though, January 1^st is not a magical day. It will not make our problems disappear. As our pastor said this past Sunday, Jan 1^st is merely a convenient ‘line in the sand’ to give us a definitive time to move forward.

Thus, instead of a rigid New Year’s Resolution, we encourage your family choose a Family Word of the Year. This word should be a continual and gentle reminder to focus on creating a positive, Godly home life instead of a soon forgotten New Year’s resolution.

Here are five steps to help guide your family into choosing a Family Word of the Year.

1.    Pray. Don’t choose a family word of the year without God, Five Minute Families. Proverbs 16:9 tells us, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” We need to rely on the Lord and His plan for our future while we intentionally focus on each and every present moment.

2.    Reflect. Think about the past year as well as your hopes for the upcoming year. Proverbs 24:3-5 reminds us that “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. A wise man is full of strength, and a man of knowledge enhances his might.” Each person needs to think of what characteristics they personally would like to have or characteristics they see the family needing to focus on.

3.    Brainstorm. Create a list of words together. Now, we must allow each person to say whatever comes to mind without fear of ridicule; this can be hard for some kiddos. Make sure you lay the ground rule of no condemnation of another’s suggestions; in fact, encourage them to be a little silly. One way to ensure that kids don’t make rude comments about an idea would be for mom or dad to say something a little wild as an example and then encourage everyone to use even the outlandish word as a jumping off point. Also, try to get as many words down as you can, but do set a time limit (dependent on your children’s ages), so that no one ends up getting bored or frustrated.

4.    Discuss. You can do the discussion in multiple ways. One suggestion would be for each family member to choose one word from the longer list, and then share why he or she thinks that word would be a good word for the family to focus on this year. Again, no mocking another’s recommendation.

5.    Decide. Begin this decision time with prayer once more. Ask God to reveal to you all what He would have you focus on as a godly family this year.

All of these steps do not need to be completed at the same time. Take into account your family dynamics and spread the steps out over the course of a few hours or a few days. No one needs to be pushed into accepting a word that they don’t resonant with, but at the same time, not each person will likely be as motivated by the word as others. This is where individual needs and praying lovingly for each other matters even more.

We are praying about ‘community’ being our word for 2021. It will look a bit different for each of us due to our different personalities, and the ongoing COVID-19 restrictions are going to make us get a whole lot of creative, but we are exploring that word for a reason. We might land on a different family word, but through this process, we have searched deeper for something I miss strongly for myself and my family - community.

Remember, January 1^st isn’t a magical day, but since EVERY day is a good day to become more intentional and January 1^st is coming, begin now to make your stand for Christ and His kingdom and that begins in your home. Using intentional intimacy in every relationship and in every situation will allow you to breathe a bit easier and sleep a lot lighter at the end of the day. As God says in Philippians 1:6, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

May God bless and keep you. May His light shine upon you and your loved ones as you step into the new year. Be blessed!

What child is this? A question several asked.

A ponder on which we stand.

For unto us is born this day, a Savior.

From what shall we be saved? Saved beyond death. Saved beyond life. Saved beyond this world.

That child. A child that grows into the Son of Man. The Son of God. The Son that shines.

Do you see the light? Do you know where it comes from? Do you know what it is?

Do you have that light? Now is the time to shine!

The light shines in the darkness and that darkness can never put it out!

And it started with a child. Born unto us.

What child is this? That child is Jesus.

The child Jesus Christ was the greatest gift anyone can ever receive. He is the greatest reason to give gifts during the holiday season. But, this year has been hard. Emotionally, mentally, physically, financially… you name it. Some folks are suffering and just getting out of the bed in the morning is a victory.

So, what do you do if you find yourself three days before Christmas, struggling, but wanting to express a little love to those who matter most to you? Most importantly, remember that you do NOT need to spend money excessively or go into debt to show love. There are many non-gift ways to honor the birth of our Lord and express love to one another. But, for some, not giving a gift is frustrating and disappointing, thus…

Our five suggestions this week are ways to give a gift that won’t cost you much at all. We chose these five gift ideas based on the Five Love Languages:

1.    For those who feel love by receiving gifts, we suggest a coupon book. For your kiddos, you can include a monthly trip to the Dollar Tree where your child can pick ONE item. $12 plus tax spread throughout the year. Or, if you are crafty or skilled, a homemade item customized for your loved one is always special.

2.    For loved ones motivated by touch, we have another coupon book idea. This one is a massage a month for your spouse or even a single new book with reading cuddle time.

3.    Many folks need words of affirmation to feel that they are loved, so take the time to write down favorite memories of the year so that they can pull them out of a jar whenever they need to feel your love. A technology version of that would be to make a video tribute with photos from throughout the year set to their favorite song.

4.    Is your spouse or child loved by your acts of service? Try cooking their favorite meal even if it isn’t the traditional Christmas dinner. Bonus, it doesn’t take any extra money out of the meal budget. Make sure you clean up afterward, too, or it isn’t much of an act of service.

5.    And, finally, the love language of time. Commit to giving some of your free time to a coupon book of fun days. It doesn’t have to be amusement park fun. It can be extra time at the local park or driving a bit out of the way for that trail hike they have been wanting to try. Spend some time thinking about what would really be fun for your loved one. Another time idea is spending the time making a mixed tape or play list and then dance together in the living room.

If you are unfamiliar with the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we highly recommend reading it. Spouses, you will learn to understand AND LOVE one another better, and parents, you can gain insight into what drives your child.

Five Minute Families, thank you so very much for gifting us with your presence this morning. We pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the boundless greatness of His power toward us who believe. May your Christmas be merry and bright as you point toward the Christ child! Merry Christmas!

One family I knew had each person write a list and then everyone in the family and extended family choose something directly from the list. No surprises, just exactly what you wanted. Another family I know, drops hints all year long and each hopes to be pleasantly surprised on Christmas morning. In fact, our family has never done a Christmas list of any sort, but a post and thread on Reddit made me start wondering if that was the best practice we could use, since we have had some disappoints through the years, by both the giver and the receiver.

Here is a lightly paraphrased summary of one part of that Reddit thread:

“Ask Culture meets Guess Culture. In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it’s OK to ask for anything at all, but you gotta realize you might get ‘no’ for an answer. This is Ask Culture. In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you’re pretty sure the answer will be yes. Guess Culture depends on a tight net of shared expectations. A key skill is putting out delicate feelers. If you do this with enough subtlety, you won’t even have to make the request directly; you’ll get an offer. Even then, the offer may be genuine or someone is simply being polite; it takes yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether you should accept.

All kinds of problems spring up around the edges. If you’re a Guess Culture person, then unwelcome requests from Ask Culture people seem presumptuous and out of line, and you’re likely to feel angry, uncomfortable, and manipulated. If you’re an Ask Culture person, Guess Culture behavior can seem incomprehensible, inconsistent, and rife with passive aggression.

Guess behaviors only work among a subset of other Guess people — ones who share a fairly specific set of expectations and signaling techniques. The farther you get from your own family and friends and subculture, the more you’ll have to embrace Ask behavior.”

There are, of course, other words than ‘ask’ or ‘guess’ that can be used: passive, assertive, forceful, or even passion aggressive. Jim used the word assertive as the most positive behavior in handling personal needs or wants, though I personally have a negative connotation with that word. He considers it to mean ‘self-confidence’ whereas I think of it as ‘insistent’; both of which can be synonyms for assertive. But, no matter what words you are most familiar with, let us ask you:

Do you have a ‘guess’ or an ‘ask’ family culture? Often, there is a family culture of one or the other, but sometimes one person is out of sync with the rest. Is one person more of an ask person in a culture of guessing? Or, the opposite: is one of you a guesser in a culture of askers?

For example, if mom is a guesser who never wants to say no and dad is an asker, the kids may learn how to play mom and dad off each other. In a family of guessers, if an ‘ask’ child comes along, the parents may feel disrespected and unable to just “surprise” them. Sometimes, someone from a family of guessers may not be able to easily articulate what he wants - even in something as simple as what to drink when asked during a visit.

So, five suggestions for bridging the guess versus ask gap:

1.    If you are an asker start with, “I need to ask you something, please feel free to say no. You don’t need to give me a reason, and I won’t be angry or upset.”

2.    If you are a guesser, learn how to say no and learn how to accept no.

3.    If you are an asker, make your requests reasonable.

4.    If you are a guesser, don’t pile on reasons or expect the other person to pile on reasons for their request.

5.    No matter which you are, be honest and kind. In the case of you parents, make sure you realize your spouse’s family of origin when there is a communication conflict.

As always, remember to take each other’s needs into account. By the way, you don’t have to guess around us… we are thankful for your listening and we ASK that you head over to our blog or facebook page and drop us a comment so that we know what you think about the Five Minute Family. Drop us that comment at clearviewretreat.org or on our Clear View Retreat facebook page. Have a great week and be blessed!

Ah, my friends, pet peeves. We’ve all got them, but some of us are better at controlling our responses to our pet peeve triggers than others. Mine is noise… random noises, repetitive noises, loud noises, white noises… you name it. Noises irritate me. There are times when I politely ask the family member who is tap-tap-tapping away to please stop, and there are times when I lose my witness demanding they stop.

Often, a person’s response to his or her pet peeve can move that reaction from being merely irritating to being sinful. Likewise, while most pet peeve behaviors are not sinful ones, they could be. For example, in our family, one of our younger sons who likes making a beat will intentionally make a louder, longer, more repetitive beat when a certain older brother is around because he knows how much he can annoy and control his brother’s outbursts. THIS is sinful behavior. It actually did not start that way, but as the older brother got angrier and began to scare his little brother with his frustrated responses, the original behavior became an anxiety response, Then, as little brother grew older, he realized how much control he wielded simply by pushing that pet peeve button. The whole cycle became sinful.

Another example would be when two people begin to be frustrated about a pet peeve and instead of dealing with the problem-causing behavior, the two begin to be vengeful or vindictive. Quietly stewing or intentionally getting back at the person who triggers you is sinful.

So, what do we do when someone we love is pushing our buttons with a pet peeve:

1. Be aware of your personal warning signs. Are you in a bad mood? Have other people intentionally bothered you today? Don’t go home and start yelling at everyone for living their lives. I, for one, am very guilty of this. When I am overwhelmed, the first thing that has to go is all that noise. Considering that three of my children and my husband all like to drop a beat and turn on music to unwind, you can imagine the chaos in my brain. THEY are making noise, but the issue is mine to handle respectfully.
2. Before you share, weigh whether the behavior is truly problematic. If your family member died tomorrow, would you miss the socks on the floor, the open cabinet, or the constant singing? Our guess is a resounding yes, so commit to pray for your loved one instead of internally complaining as you pick up the socks or close the cabinet.
3. Try stress relievers on your own, and reward yourself for your own good behavior in the face of someone else’s irritating ones. Now, use a quality reward; don’t go eat a cake. Katie Horwitch says, “Not everything is a mirror, but everything is an opportunity.” And, remember always that Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.
4. Likewise, remember that you aren’t always easy to live with either. You aren’t Jesus. Maybe you need to review some ways you push other people’s buttons so that you can gain a better perspective.

And,

1. If the behavior is causing major strife, danger, or you just can’t get a handle on it, then you must address it.

Confronting a tough situation can be challenging, but confronting the issue does not have to be a confrontation with all the negative and argumentative elements. We are going to also give you five ways to properly address any pet peeve issue with a family member.

1. Pray, pray, and pray some more for clarification and resolution
2. Choose a time with no distractions – when you are not in a bad mood and when you are not feeling tempted to lose your temper.
3. Before you speak to your loved one, think up some solutions. Maybe the structure or situation needs to be changed. For example, multiple kids schooling at home – While you might have a room designated as the ‘school room,’ you may need to allow one of the kiddos to go to their room for some quiet, recharge time.
4. Make sure you point out positive qualities about your family member, too, while discussing the pet peeve behavior. Our loved ones need to know that their positive qualities are obvious as well.
5. And, finally, be willing to work on something that is bothering your loved one while asking them to work on something that is bothering you.

Thank you for joining us this morning, Five Minute Families. We are blessed here at Clear View Retreat to be living life with you, and we hope you will check out our website for more information. Have a great week. God bless!