Frustrated And Exhausted

When Leaders Mean Well

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode I explore a tough but hopeful topic: why trust can erode in organizations even when leaders have the best intentions. Drawing from real conversations and coaching experiences with senior leaders, the episode unpacks the difference between a leader’s intent and the reality employees experience on the ground.

Intent vs. Impact:

Good intent is important, but employees don’t experience their leaders’ intentions—they experience systems, responses, and the outcomes of their actions. Trust is built (or eroded) not by what leaders say, but by what happens next.

How Trust Erodes Quietly:

Trust usually doesn’t break down with drama or scandals, but through small moments—unaddressed challenges, reversed decisions without explanation, or promises of openness that aren’t followed through on.

Systems Over Intent:

In pressured environments, what actually gets rewarded or discouraged in a system shapes behavior more than stated values or intentions. People adapt to stay safe, which can lead to silence and withdrawal instead of genuine trust.

The Cost of Unseen Systems:

When leaders aren’t aware of the behavioral patterns their systems create, they might mistake quiet for trust when in reality it’s withdrawal and disengagement. The grief for lost potential and silenced talent can be deeply felt on a personal level.

Gaining Visibility:

The real turning point is for leaders to honestly examine which behaviors are being rewarded, which carry risks, and what truly happens after challenge or dissent. Visibility (not just motivation or capability) is key to changing the culture.

Building Trust through Action:

Trustworthiness isn’t an inherent personality trait—it’s experienced through systems, responses, and consistent consequences, especially under pressure. Leaders are encouraged to reflect not just on their intent, but also on the actual impact they have.

Reflection Questions for Leaders

What behaviors are you truly rewarding—and which ones are risky in your system?
What really happens after someone challenges or disagrees?
Are you seeing quiet as trust, or could it be a sign of something else?

Reach out on LinkedIn for further discussion and support. If you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you—keep going, you’re seen.

Tune in next week for more insight into women, career, and leadership, with a focus on well-being and ambition.

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Too Nice to Trust?

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to Frustrated and Exhausted, In this episode, we dig into an important leadership topic: the difference between genuine trust and simply being “nice” within senior teams. Why do so many organizations confuse harmony and collegiality with real, risk-taking trust, and what does this confusion cost?

Trust vs. Niceness

Why being “nice” and avoiding conflict isn’t the same as building trust. Teams that focus on harmony can appear healthy but often avoid dealing with real issues, leading to fragility beneath the surface.

Avoidance and Its Pitfalls

Many teams soften difficult issues, delay challenges, and gloss over tensions rather than confronting them head-on. This kind of “pleasantness” promotes self-protection instead of collaboration.

Impact on Women in Leadership

The episode highlights how women—especially those seen as “strong” or “direct”—feel increased pressure to remain palatable, adding emotional labor and silencing valuable opinions. These dynamics can discourage honest contributions from everyone.

Psychological Safety & Healthy Conflict

Drawing on Amy Edmondson’s research, It explain that top-performing teams don’t avoid conflict; they surface, work through, and repair it. True psychological safety is about fairness and predictability, not constant comfort.

How to Build Trust Through Challenge

Tips for teams include naming disagreements early, staying curious (not defensive), and returning to repair after conflict. Clearing the air, owning your impact, and addressing tension directly helps strengthen relationships and trust.

What Teams Miss Out On

When people disengage because “niceness” is prioritized, organizations lose out on true expertise, clarity, and energy—even if the atmosphere feels superficially pleasant.

If your team feels “pleasant but stuck,” consider what’s being protected—and at what cost. Ask yourself whether your workplace is fostering true trust or simply smoothing over discomfort.

Thanks for tuning in to Frustrated and Exhausted. Don’t miss next week’s episode!

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Why Leaders Avoid Clarity

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome back to another episode of Frustrated and Exhausted. In this episode, I dive deep into the reasons why leaders often shy away from clarity—and the real costs this can have on teams and organizations.

Clarity vs. Certainty: I explain how clarity is often mistaken for certainty or the illusion of having all the answers. Instead, clarity is really about reducing unnecessary anxiety by being transparent about what’s known, what’s unknown, and who makes decisions.
Why Leaders Avoid Clarity: Avoiding clarity is rarely accidental. Sometimes, leaders use vagueness as a form of protection, keeping accountability diffuse and leaving room to maneuver. But this actually creates unpredictability that can erode trust within teams.
The Real Cost of Vagueness: When communication is fuzzy, people fill in the gaps with their own stories and assumptions—which often leads to rumors, defensiveness, and a sense of instability in the workplace.
Trust and Psychological Safety: How trust doesn’t erode due to lack of integrity, but rather when people can’t reliably predict how decisions are made and issues are handled. This unpredictability leads to stress and hyper-vigilance, not because people are naturally anxious, but because the environment demands it.
Handling Uncertainty: Research shows that uncertainty itself isn’t the biggest driver of stress; uncertainty without explanation is. Being honest about what’s unclear is far better than offering meaningless reassurances.

Notice where a lack of clarity might be doing more harm than uncertainty itself in your work or life. What small changes in transparency could make things better for your team?

If you found this episode resonated with you or shifted your perspective on leadership, don’t forget to share and subscribe for more empowering conversations every week.

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Pointless Leadership Conversations

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome back to Frustrated and Exhausted! In this insightful episode, I dive into the reality behind those endlessly repetitive leadership conversations that never seem to spark real change. If you’ve ever left a meeting feeling like “everything was said but nothing changed,” this one’s for you.

Why so many leadership conversations feel unsatisfying and unproductive.
The difference between stated values (“espoused theory”) and the lived reality (“theory in use”)—and how this gap erodes trust.
How surface-level talks and reluctance to address core issues feed organizational ambiguity and exhaustion.
The hidden impact of unspoken power dynamics, unresolved tensions, and unclear decision rights.
Why inspirational words from leadership aren’t enough—change comes from consistency, clarity, and actually following through.
The psychological toll of environments where honest dialogue is discouraged, leading people to disengage and comply instead of contribute.
Strategies to break the cycle: embracing messier, more courageous conversations to address the real drivers of frustration and stagnation.

Real organizational change happens not through another round of agreement on values, but through honest, ongoing conversations about what really shapes behavior—and the courage and consistency to do something about it.

Thanks for tuning in. If you’re tired of pointless conversations and want more clarity (and less exhaustion) in your leadership journey, this episode is a must-listen!

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Belonging Is A Performance Issue

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked connection between belonging and performance at work. Rather than framing belonging as something "nice" or optional, I make the case that real belonging is foundational for teams and organizations to function at their best.

Belonging’s Branding Problem: How belonging has been misunderstood as comfort or indulgence, rather than a core driver of decision-making and leadership.
Performance Erosion: When belonging is missing, teams don’t collapse, but performance slowly ebbs away through slower decisions, less challenge, and increased impression management.
Belonging vs. Fitting In: The difference between psychological safety (belonging) and self-editing (fitting in), and how women and minoritized groups often feel pressured to conform.
Trust and Safety: Without trust, people won’t challenge or share fully — what looks like disengagement might really be self-preservation.
Real-Life Signals: Flat leadership meetings, agreement in the room but dissent in the corridors, and “niceness” that masks lack of real challenge.
Conditional Belonging: Particularly for those who are “different” in some way, belonging often depends on fitting in, leading to adaptation and energy spent on self-management.
Project Aristotle (Google Study): Psychological safety (not talent or workload) drives high-performing teams — illustrating belonging in practical terms.
Leadership Implications: Belonging is shown not by politeness or lack of conflict, but by the quality and openness of contributions.
Moving Beyond Slogans: True belonging is created by consistent conditions, not catchphrases (“bring your whole self to work”).

If this episode sparked something for you — challenged, reassured, or made you feel less alone — I would love to hear your thoughts or stories!

Thanks for tuning in. Keep going, especially if you’re showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you.

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Living With The Cost Of Unreliable Leadership

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted, Speaker I dive into the powerful topic of how unreliable leadership impacts women, their well-being, and their performance at work. Instead of focusing on personal shortcomings, I challenge the common narrative around burnout and exhaustion, encouraging listeners to look at the environments and conditions that drive these feelings.

A Different View on Burnout:
Eexplain that chronic exhaustion isn’t always about individual resilience or personal flaws. Instead, it’s often a normal response to unpredictable, unreliable, and unsupportive work environments.
The Impact of Leadership:
The conversation highlights how inconsistent communication, shifting priorities, and a lack of transparency from leaders can leave teams feeling exhausted and on edge—even when leaders don’t intend harm.
Research on Psychological Safety:
Referencing Amy Edmondson’s work, the episode discusses how low psychological safety in a workplace can suppress openness, making employees hide mistakes rather than seek support, ultimately harming performance and engagement.
Internalizing Systemic Problems:
The episode acknowledges that high-performing women often internalize systemic issues, believing they’re at fault and that self-improvement alone is the solution—even when the real issue is the broader environment.
Questions Leaders Should Ask:
Calls on leaders to look beyond individual performance and to ask more insightful questions:
What are people in my team actually adapting to?
What conditions do they face each day?
Building Trust & Performance:
By fostering trust, belonging, and a culture of honesty, organizations can move away from blame and toward higher energy, engagement, and real performance.

Connect with the show:

Have thoughts, questions, or stories to share? Get in touch via LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk. Your experiences matter!

Thanks for tuning in. If this episode resonates with you, remember—you’re not alone, and it’s not just you. Keep going!

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The Year We Carried

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this reflective year-end episode, I take listeners on a gentle pause to sit with the reality of the year they've just carried. It's not the polished, social-media version of the year, but an honest look at what women, especially in leadership and career spaces, have held—often invisibly. From emotional loads and endless mental tabs to the weight of responsibilities, self-doubt, and cultural change, this episode speaks directly to those feeling stretched and tired.

What We Carried:

The high expectations, emotional labor, unending mental lists, unclaimed responsibilities, and even self-doubt—all these made the year heavier than most realize.

What It Cost Us:

Rest, clarity, confidence, joy, boundaries, parts of our identity, and sometimes our own breathing space suffered under the weight of all that carrying.

Compassion for Ourselves:

Resonate Leadership Podcast Host reassures listeners: fatigue hasn’t come from weakness, but from holding too much, for too long.

Lessons Learned:

This year revealed our limits, the importance of belonging, the exhaustion of masking, and the difference between performing strength and true strength. It taught us who supports us—and who only sees the results.

What to Put Down:

Before the new year, listeners are encouraged to shed burdens they don’t need to carry: the pressure to always be available, the belief they must earn rest, invisible emotional labor, guilt for saying no, and the need for constant competence.

What to Welcome:

By putting some things down, we make space to pick up new boundaries, honest joy, real belonging, supportive communities, and permission to be unapologetically ourselves.

Takeaways:

Leadership is human work—messy, emotional, relational, systemic.
Rest is not something to be earned; it’s something we deserve.
Putting down unnecessary loads makes space for renewal.
The hard year does not define your worth or strength—your continued showing up does.

Thanks for being part of Frustrated and Exhausted this year. Here’s to the reset you need and deserve!

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The Permission Slip

Wed, 24 Dec 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to "Frustrated and Exhausted, a podcast dedicated to empowering women in their careers and leadership journeys without compromising well-being or sanity.

In this heartfelt holiday episode, Resonate Leadership I offer listeners a gentle, much-needed "permission slip" for Christmas Eve—a reminder that self-care is just as important as caring for others. It’s an invitation to pause, rest, and release the weight of perfectionism, especially as the year comes to a close.

Key Themes:

Permission Granted: You don't have to finish every task or reflect on every goal tonight. The to-do lists and intentions can wait.
Feel Your Feelings: However you feel right now—whether joyful, tired, overwhelmed, or peaceful—is valid. There are no "shoulds" here.
Lower the Bar: Good enough is genuinely good enough, especially during the festive season.
Rest Without Earning It: Rest is a biological need—not something you have to earn through productivity.
Belong to Yourself First: Amidst taking care of others, remember to show up for yourself, whether that means a quiet moment alone or simply saying no.
Put Down Responsibility: Especially if you’re the household planner, fixer, or emotional anchor—you’re allowed to set some of that burden down, even just for tonight.
Slow Your Pace: Pause, breathe, and ask yourself what you truly need right now.

You’ve carried a lot this year—often more than anyone sees or even than you admit to yourself. Tonight, you have full permission to put some of it down, rest, and extend kindness to yourself. Your gift this Christmas Eve is the smallest, most realistic act of care for yourself.

Share your thoughts or stories via LinkedIn or learn more at resonateleadership.co.uk.

Rest well, be gentle with yourself, and remember—you’re not alone in how you feel.

Thank you for listening! Wishing you a Merry Christmas and gentle self-care.

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The Inclusion Edit

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to another episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted," where we talk all things women, career, and leadership without sacrificing well-being. This episode, “The Inclusion Edit,” is a special compilation celebrating two years of bold, honest, and insightful conversations. This time, we look at inclusion as more than a corporate initiative—it's a human practice, an engine for performance, trust, and belonging.

Episode Highlights

1. Neurodiversity and Authentic Workplaces

Guest: Susan Ball, neurodiversity champion & former tax partner
Key insights:
Inclusion goes beyond checklists—it's about daily behaviors and valuing differences.
Susan shares her journey openly discussing dyslexia, highlighting the importance of safe spaces and the shift toward recognizing strengths over deficits.
Technology’s empowering role for neurodiverse professionals and the importance of not forcing labels like “disabled” on those who may not identify that way.

2. Multi-generational Workforce and Flexible Leadership

Guest: Tracy Vegrel Obe, CEO at CISI
Key insights:
Reflections on policy shifts and making workplaces family-friendly (like shared parental leave).
Navigating hybrid and remote work—how generational expectations differ and why flexibility is more than a buzzword.
Emphasis on remaining open-minded and adaptable to harness the full potential of diverse teams.

3. Allyship in Action

Guest: Andrew Jacobs, learning and development leader & podcast founder
Key insights:
Allyship is about action and accountability, not just hashtags.
Andrew shares how he uses his platform and privilege to call out imbalances, for example, refusing to speak at events without gender-diverse panels.
Everyday gender biases are often invisible—recognize them, call them out, and push for change.

4. Trauma-Informed Legal Workplaces and Real Belonging

Guest: Lucy Barnes, barrister & co-founder of Lawyers Who Care
Key insights:
The importance of community and seeing “people like you” in professions that have felt exclusive.
Creating supportive and trauma-informed environments, especially for care-experienced professionals.
True belonging means the legal system reflects those it serves, and lived experience is a powerful asset.

Key Takeaways

Inclusion isn’t a single action—it’s a leadership choice practiced daily.
Designing workplaces around real people—neurodiverse, different ages, backgrounds, or experiences—amplifies performance and belonging.
Allyship requires willingness to be uncomfortable and to act.
Trauma-aware, community-led workplaces foster real opportunity and agency.
The future of inclusion is flexible, open-minded leadership.

If something in this episode resonated with you, please share it or tag someone who’d benefit. Let’s keep the conversation going!

Got feedback, thoughts or your own story to share? Connect on LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk.

Thanks for joining us on “The Inclusion Edit.” See you next time!

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The Purpose Edit

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to the two-year anniversary of Frustrated and Exhausted! In this special “Purpose Edit” episode, we’re taking a grounded look at what purpose really means for women’s careers and leadership—well beyond the usual cliches. This episode features conversations with three remarkable women whose leadership journeys show that purpose is shaped by everyday choices, resilience, courage, and deep-rooted values.

Featured Guests:

Caroline Colliston, Managing Partner for Scotland at DWF:

Caroline shares her candid reflections on balancing ambition, family, and self-compassion. She discusses how her inner drive has been shaped in part by her relationship with her sister and offers insights into authentic, values-led leadership. Caroline role-models how success can come from embracing a “squiggly, bumpy” career path and staying true to yourself.

Rebecca MacLean, Director of Environment and Sustainability:

Rebecca’s story is all about trusting your gut and embracing your uniqueness. She reflects on bold career moves, following interests rather than a rigid plan, and how the support of family helps remove fear from decision-making.

Ingrid De Kiroth McGee, Partner & Employment Law Specialist:

Ingrid shares her leap of faith into a startup environment, her commitment to fairness and inclusion, and the importance of backing yourself—even when it feels intimidating. Her advice: “You can do hard things,” and if you don’t stretch beyond your comfort zone, you won’t know what you’re capable of.

Key Themes:

Authentic, compassionate leadership: Being visible, honest, and supportive—especially in challenging moments.
Purpose as daily choices: Not always a lightning bolt, but a series of intentional decisions and learning from lived experiences.
Support networks: The value of mentors, family, friends, and honest feedback in helping you navigate demanding careers.
Courage and self-trust: Career risks, pivots, and doing what feels right, even when the path isn’t straightforward.

Why listen? If you’re recalibrating your leadership, feeling a bit adrift, or simply looking for inspiration from women who’ve truly lived their purpose, tune in for reassurance, wisdom, and some much-needed compassion.

Caroline Colliston 00:03:12 to 00:10:06.

Her segment covers her story, leadership approach, navigating drive and boundaries, the importance of support networks, authenticity, and compassionate leadership. She reflects on her inner critic, role models, and the practical challenges of being a driven woman in leadership.

Rebecca MacLean 00:10:51 to 00:15:58.

This section features Rebecca discussing her upbringing, embracing her “weird,” making career decisions, gut instincts, and the impact of her support network on her sense of purpose and direction.

Ingrid Kiroth McGee 00:17:23 to 00:23:09.

Ingrid shares her journey of stepping out of her comfort zone, making bold career moves, backing herself, confronting fear, and the value of surrounding herself with supportive people.

Come back next week for more honest conversations about leadership and ambition.

Frustrated and Exhausted — Helping you navigate spaces not built with you in mind.

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The Resilience Edit

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to a special two-year anniversary compilation episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted." This week, the focus is on resilience—but not in the “just carry on” sense. The conversation centers on women, career, and leadership, celebrating how real resilience is about self-knowledge, owning your experience, and resisting the urge to shrink.

Featured Guests and Themes:

Hilary Ross: Opens the episode with an honest look at what it means to be resilient in the workplace. Hilary shares how her trigger point is not being heard, and the ways she’s reframed invisibility and setbacks through her career. She reflects on managing high-performing teams, overcoming perfectionism, and adapting to constant change.
Monica Nangia: Offers perspective on resilience as self-advocacy, specifically for women whose identities are often overlooked or misunderstood. Monica discusses the “prove it again” bias, the exhaustion of being hyper-visible yet overlooked for promotions, and the cultural taxation faced by women of color. She stresses the need for allies in achieving meaningful change within organizations.
Elizabeth Brower: Shares her personal journey through burnout and what it taught her about sustainable leadership. Elizabeth talks about the danger of glorifying overwork, encourages listeners to pause and reconnect with themselves, and champions the importance of rest, boundaries, and redefining success.

Key Takeaways:

Resilience is not about being unbreakable; it’s about understanding yourself deeply, focusing on progress, and rejecting unrealistic performance standards.
Recognizing and addressing systemic barriers (like visibility biases and unpaid labor in EDI work) is vital for creating genuinely inclusive workplaces.
Rest isn’t a luxury—it's foundational for well-being and effective leadership. It’s time to stop glorifying constant availability and start supporting active downtime for everyone

Hilary Ross on Visibility and Resilience

: [00:01:09 - 00:01:53] — On not being heard, invisibility, and changing perspective.
: [00:02:21 - 00:03:10] — On setbacks, management, and resilience.
: [00:03:11 - 00:03:57] — High achievers, perfectionism, and incremental progress.
: [00:04:33 - 00:05:15] — Post-Covid workplace control and the importance for women.

Dr. Monica Nangia on Resilience as Self-Advocacy

: [00:06:10 - 00:06:59] — ‘Prove it again’ bias and the burden of always having to demonstrate competence.
: [00:07:02 - 00:07:43] — Hypervisibility vs. invisibility and challenges for women of color.
: [00:08:08 - 00:09:31] — Cultural taxation, EDI work, and lack of representation in senior roles.
: [00:09:31 - 00:09:58] — Broken rung theory and the impact of visible role models.
: [00:11:07 - 00:11:29] — The need for allies and support.

Elizabeth Brauer’s Journey from Burnout to Reconnection

: [00:12:25 - 00:13:10] — Burnout, vulnerability, and redefining success.
: [00:14:26 - 00:14:49] — Advice for those feeling stuck in a workaholic persona.
: [00:14:49 - 00:15:52] — Reconnecting with oneself and celebrating achievements.
: [00:16:27 - 00:17:21] — Taking personal time and day-to-day autopilot.
: [00:17:41 - 00:18:35] — The one piece of career advice she’d ban: “always being on.”

Thanks for listening to this episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted." Your journey of self-awareness and authentic leadership starts here.

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The Unfinished Year

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this thoughtful episode, I explore the familiar pressure to “finish strong” as the year winds down. I unpacks the sense of collective urgency that builds in workplaces and homes as December approaches—from inboxes full of end-of-year reviews to the desire for neat conclusions on projects, goals, and even holiday celebrations.

Key Topics:

The culture of closure: Why do we crave hitting targets and checking off lists?
The hidden emotional labor behind finishing things, especially for women leaders.
The real impact of chasing perfection—how the pursuit of tidy endings can fuel stress, self-criticism, and burnout.
Reframing “unfinished”: How can leaders (and all of us) embrace uncertainty and take a gentler approach to projects, responsibilities, and ambitions that are still in motion?
Permission for imperfection

00:02:40 - 00:03:23: Personal reflections on to-do lists, project completions, and the elusive "inbox zero."
00:03:23 - 00:04:28: The reality that not everything wraps up neatly at year-end; projects and relationships may stay unfinished.
00:04:29 - 00:05:58: The emotional exhaustion from trying to finish everything, especially as a leader, and the invisible labor behind it.
00:05:58 - 00:06:46: Responsibility and perfectionism in both work and family, along with the pressure to make everything “perfect,” especially around holidays
discusses self-imposed expectations, desire for closure, and the impact of perfectionism.
00:07:18 - 00:08:12: How unfinished business can turn into self-criticism and burnout by conflating unfinished work with failure.
00:08:12 - 00:09:34: Reframing “unfinished” as “in motion” and exploring the creative and developmental possibilities that come from leaving things open.
00:09:34 - 00:10:43: The power of giving yourself permission not to rush endings, and the risks of rushing to artificial closure.
00:10:43 - 00:11:54: Accepting uncertainty as a leader, modeling groundedness for others, and the impact of uncertainty in personal and professional life.
00:11:54 - 00:13:56: Developing the ability to live with uncertainty, and the value of self-trust and reflection at year-end.
00:02:40 - 00:03:23: Personal reflections on to-do lists, project completions, and the elusive "inbox zero."
00:03:23 - 00:04:28: The reality that not everything wraps up neatly at year-end; projects and relationships may stay unfinished.
00:04:29 - 00:05:58: The emotional exhaustion from trying to finish everything, especially as a leader, and the invisible labor behind it.
00:05:58 - 00:06:46: Responsibility and perfectionism in both work and family, along with the pressure to make everything “perfect,” especially around holidays.
00:06:46 - 00:07:18: discusses self-imposed expectations, desire for closure, and the impact of perfectionism.
00:07:18 - 00:08:12: How unfinished business can turn into self-criticism and burnout by conflating unfinished work with failure.
00:08:12 - 00:09:34: Reframing “unfinished” as “in motion” and exploring the creative and developmental possibilities that come from leaving things open.
00:09:34 - 00:10:43: The power of giving yourself permission not to rush endings, and the risks of rushing to artificial closure.
00:10:43 - 00:11:54: Accepting uncertainty as a leader, modeling groundedness for others, and the impact of uncertainty in personal and professional life.
00:11:54 - 00:13:56: Developing the ability to live with uncertainty, and the value of self-trust and reflection at year-end.

Share this episode with someone needing a reminder that unfinished isn’t failure.

Subscribe, rate, or review the podcast!

Leave something undone on purpose. Let yourself breathe as you wrap up the year—no ribbon required.

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Mirror Mirror - Leadership and Self-Delusion

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this insightful episode, I dive deep into the theme of self-reflection and authenticity in leadership. I explore how leaders can become distanced from their true selves, often falling for a curated and polished version that feels safe and familiar. Through personal stories and coaching anecdotes, I unpack the subtle dangers of self-delusion and the ego’s protective fog.

00:01:00 – 00:02:14

Discussion about blind spots, the role of ego in clouding our self-view, and how we often curate a polished version of ourselves as leaders.

00:02:14 – 00:03:17

Explores self-delusion and reframes it as self-protection; describes how our brains help maintain identity and how we rationalize behaviors.

00:03:17 – 00:04:03

Provides examples of how leaders might use “style” as armor, referencing a coached leader who inadvertently built a team that avoided challenging her.

00:04:03 – 00:04:51

Illustrates how lack of self-awareness leads to growing distortions and compares it to a hall of mirrors; warns against mistaking control for clarity.

00:04:51 – 00:05:42

Describes a 'crack in the mirror' moment, when feedback or crisis reveals unfiltered truth, which though harsh, can be a gift for growth.

00:05:42 – 00:07:01

Gives practical advice on inviting honest reflection, rewarding feedback, and sitting with discomfort instead of immediately rationalizing or distancing.

00:07:01 – 00:07:43

Talks about discerning the validity of feedback, considering repeated patterns, and encourages facing uncomfortable truths for real leadership.

00:07:43 – 00:08:20

Warns against over-polishing personal brand, advocates for brave authenticity, and reflects on the messy nature of real leadership.

00:08:20 – 00:09:20

Wraps up advice, hopes listeners take the lessons with them, and remarks on recognizing self-delusion moments in self and others.

If this episode resonated with you, made you rethink your own reflection, or even just reassured you that you’re not alone in the messy journey of leadership, reach out! I welcome questions, feedback

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Authenticity In Action

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this inspiring conversation, Lucy Barnes shares her personal journey from growing up in the care system to her current role as a pupil barrister and founder of Lawyers who Care—the UK’s first organisation creating mentoring and paid work experience for care experienced aspiring lawyers.

Lucy talks candidly about overcoming adversity, the importance of high expectations for care experienced young people, and how her background has cultivated skills essential for a career in law: resilience, resourcefulness, and self-advocacy. She reflects on moving beyond survival mode to making systemic change, championing the idea that care leavers not only belong in law—they have unique strengths to enrich the profession.

[00:01:32] Lucy’s Background and Journey

Lucy shares her story of entering care at 13, her experiences, and how her academic potential was first recognized by her foster family.

[00:06:15] Expectations and the Importance of Belief

Discussion about how having someone with high expectations made a difference, especially her foster dad and supportive teachers.

[00:09:19] Nurturing Self-Belief

Lucy explains creative ways she maintained hope, such as recording videos to her future self.

[00:13:00] From Barrister to Advocate & Founder

What motivated Lucy to step into advocacy, found Lawyers Who Care, and publicly discuss her experience.

[00:17:40] Belonging in the Legal Profession

Exploration of what “belonging” means in law and the need for structural change for care-experienced people.

[00:22:10] Trauma Awareness in Law

The importance of trauma awareness, understanding behaviors, and the impact on clients and colleagues.

[00:24:26] Resilience in the Legal Profession

How Lucy’s resilience developed, and what it means for her in daily legal practice.

[00:26:33] Most Affirming Moment

Lucy talks about the affirming experience of launching Lawyers Who Care.

[00:30:30] Advice for Young People in Care Considering Law

Lucy gives advice, emphasizing that law is for everyone and to embrace uniqueness.

[00:33:20] Advice for Leaders: Concrete Steps for Inclusion

Lucy shares steps leaders can take to make workplaces more accessible for care-experienced people.

[00:36:13] Wrap-Up and Reflections

Thanks for listening—and keep nurturing your own ambitions with authenticity and hope.

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The Shadow Side of Leadership

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Today, we’re diving deep into the lesser-talked-about “shadowy side” of leadership. While leadership is often framed around positivity, strength, and values, there’s a whole set of unseen influences—the parts of ourselves we’d rather not acknowledge—that shape the way we lead. Drawing on ideas from Freud, Carl Jung, and practical leadership coaching, we explore how ignoring our shadows can come back to bite us, why avoidance doesn’t make our flaws disappear, and how self-awareness and ownership are crucial to sustainable, authentic leadership.

[00:01:06] – The Concept of the Shadow in Leadership

Explanation that every leader has a “shadow”—the unseen, often uncomfortable parts of ourselves.
Emphasis on being kind to oneself when exploring these difficult aspects.

[00:02:01] – The Importance of Self-awareness

Why it’s easier to focus on strengths rather than shadows.
References to psychological theories (Freud, Jung) and the idea of “unknown unknowns.”

[00:03:07] – How Shadows Show Up

Examples of how shadow traits manifest (avoiding conflict, craving approval, perfectionism).
Emphasizing that these are not “bad,” but very human responses.

[00:04:56] – Shadow Becomes Destructive When Ignored

The dangers of blind spots and repressed traits.
Examples from coaching practice: leaders are often rewarded for the “light” side and overlook the shadow.
The impact of stress—how strengths can morph into their shadow side.

[00:07:56] – Consequences of Denying the Shadow

How the shadow “leaks” out in behaviors like micromanagement, frustration, passive aggression, or withdrawal.
Analogy: the shadow is like an invisible draft.

[00:08:32] – Recognizing and Owning Our Shadow

Importance of self-ownership—acknowledging both positive and negative sides.
With self-awareness comes choice and the ability to change or set boundaries.

[00:10:33] – Reflection Questions for Listeners

Prompts to consider where their shadow might be impacting their leadership.
Overusing strengths, avoiding issues, or emotionally outsourcing.

Bringing your shadow side into awareness is about embracing your whole self. This self-ownership helps you make conscious choices, identify and fulfill your needs, and show up more authentically—at work and in life.

If you’re showing up in spaces not made for you—keep going. You’re seen, and you’re not alone.

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Haunted By Old Stories

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to “Frustrated and Exhausted,” the podcast supporting women in career and leadership. In this reflective October episode, I dive deep into how past experiences can quietly haunt us in our professional lives—especially as the season shifts and we find ourselves reflecting more.

Recognizing these patterns is crucial. I advise listeners to name the beliefs that haunt them and examine if they're still relevant or helpful. Through reflection, we can thank the past for its lessons and consciously decide to move forward.

[00:00:59]

The concept of hauntings from past experiences: Discussing how old comments, workplace culture, or family remarks continue to "haunt" us and affect current behavior.

[00:02:02]

How negative beliefs and behaviors from past workplaces persist: Reflecting on overpreparing due to previous criticism, and how some patterns might have positive and negative impacts.

[00:02:59]

Examples of lingering patterns: Saying yes too often, fear of boundaries, hesitancy to speak up—how these behaviors can have roots in previous workplace trauma.

[00:03:50]

Reacting to ghosts of the past: Leaders and managers living with "corporate PTSD" and how these past stories shape present reactions and assumptions.

[00:05:05]

Losing sight of who you are now: The impact of acting from old assumptions, and a reflective prompt from the host about what might be haunting you.

[00:06:04]

Letting go of unhelpful stories: It's not about erasing the past but acknowledging what's running the show and deciding if it still serves you.

[00:07:06]

Recognizing reflex reactions: How old patterns show up instinctively, and questions to ask yourself to identify their origin.

[00:07:46]

Letting go and moving forward: The host emphasizes the process of gratitude, recognition, and release of old patterns.

[00:09:16]

Resonate Leadership’s support: Helping leaders and teams spot and overcome the patterns and invisible barriers to collaboration stemming from the past.

Thank you for listening to this episode of “Frustrated and Exhausted.” Remember—if you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you, keep going. The future is yours to shape.

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Your Time Isn't A Buffet

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, we tackle the all-too-familiar “buffet” approach to time—why piling your schedule high with every request isn’t sustainable, and how to protect your energy for what really matters. The host shares practical strategies for setting boundaries, having trade-off conversations, and making your time more impactful—especially for women leaders prone to overcommitting.

[00:01:02] – Connecting the buffet analogy to overstuffed workloads at work

[00:01:46] – Why September is a peak "just a quick thing" season and prime time for overcommitment

[00:02:36] – The challenge of boundaries, especially for women, and reframing them as necessary for impact

[00:03:03] – Every yes is a no to something else; protecting your time is protecting your leadership

[00:03:55] – Practical tool: Trading instead of saying a flat "no" (“Yes, if…” responses)

[00:04:23] – Practical tool: Time boxing (“I can give you 15 minutes to scope this…”)

[00:05:52] – Practical tool: The "parking bay" (capturing ideas/requests without committing now)

[00:06:32] – Script examples you can use this week to help with boundaries

[00:07:26] – Flipping the decision back to the requester to clarify priorities

[00:08:27] – Ask yourself: “Where am I leaking 10% of my week?” and being tight on the quick favours

[00:08:54] – Practice the tools suggested and notice the space created

Remember: “Your time isn’t a buffet. You don’t have to pile your plate to prove your worth.”

Thank you for listening! Protect your plate and focus on what truly moves the needle.

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Where Are We Now WIth The Fight For Gender Equality? With Penny East

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to a powerful episode of Ruth: Frustrated and Exhausted, where our host is joined by Penny East, CEO of the Fawcett Society—the UK's leading charity campaigning for gender equality and women’s rights. Together, they dive deep into what equity really looks like in today’s fast-changing world.

Penny sheds light on everything from closing the gender pay gap and the underrepresentation of women in AI and politics, to ongoing workplace barriers and the challenges of combating violence against women and girls. The conversation unpacks the everyday realities women face, the nuances of new technology like AI in perpetuating bias, and the importance of intersectionality in shaping policy.

You’ll also hear about the progress being made, where urgent action is still needed, and practical ways listeners—both men and women—can get involved and help drive change.

Discussion: Violence Against Women & Girls (VAWG)

[00:05:15] – Penny discusses investment in perpetrator programs, gaps in victim support.

[00:06:01] – Context on government priorities and political climate challenges.

Fawcett’s Work & Government Accountability

[00:07:56] – Penny responds about evidence, measuring misogyny, sexism in society.

[00:08:59] – Example: misogyny in football crowds discussed.

Increasing Misogyny Among Young People

[00:12:05] – Penny shares survey findings, worsening attitudes in younger demographics.

[00:12:33] – Discussion on online algorithms, radicalization, social influences and values.

Internalized Misogyny & Workplace Experience

[00:18:57] – Penny discusses her own and women's experience with internalized biases.

Experiences of Women of Colour

[00:21:11] – Question about Fawcett’s work, government response on women of colour’s experience.

[00:22:04] – Government consultations, pay gap reporting, maternity care issues addressed.

Women's Health & Maternity

[00:26:11] – Penny discusses current and lacking health strategies, AI/data bias.

Patriarchy, AI & Gender Bias

[00:32:00] – Penny addresses risks in recruitment, productivity tools, digital exclusion, automation.

Flexible Work & Class Disparities

[00:36:24] – Penny discusses how flexible working disparities largely benefit middle-class, office-based women, and COVID’s impact.

Investment for Women / Economic Power

[00:40:00] – Host raises low VC investment for women and government action.

[00:40:56] – Penny emphasizes importance of male allies, biases in venture capital and charity giving.

How Far to Equality?

[00:44:18] – Penny: current estimates for pay gap closure (2050), global parity (130-140 years), political headwinds, need for sector unity and collective action.

Thank you for listening! If you’re feeling shocked, galvanized—or just want to do something—now’s the time. Join the movement for gender equality, and let’s make our voices heard.

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Soft Voice, Strong Spine

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to the 100th episode of Frustrated and Exhausted! In this milestone episode, I dive into the theme of “Soft Voice, Strong Spine,” unpacking the persistent myths around leadership, communication, and impact—especially for women in the workplace.

Celebrating Episode 100:

A heartfelt thank you to all listeners and supporters. Making it to 100 episodes is a proud achievement—especially given how many podcasts don’t make it past the first few.

[00:00:43] – Episode Theme: “Soft Voice, Strong Spine”

Speaker A explains the focus on nuanced leadership and how a softer approach can have more impact.

[00:01:54] – Challenges of Not Being the Loudest Voice

Discusses the frustration with louder voices dominating meetings and the discomfort of shouting or staying quiet.

[00:02:38] – Myth: Leadership = Volume

Addresses the persistent myth that effective leaders must be loud and charismatic.

[00:03:41] – Avoiding Forced Performances or Shrinking Back

Explains the common reactions to noise in meetings and introduces the alternative approach.

[00:04:30] – Personal Turning Point Story

Shares a personal experience about holding back in a loud meeting and how pausing made an impact.

[00:05:47] – Conviction & Impact

Highlights the value of conviction and framing over volume.

[00:06:20] – Three Practical Techniques

Outlines three key points:

Framing (@[00:06:20])
Strategic Pauses (@[00:08:48])
Strong Meeting Closures (@[00:09:41])

[00:11:05] – Handling Interruptions

Thank you for tuning in—and remember: if you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you, we see you. Keep going.

Subscribe for more episodes and insights on women, career, and leadership—all designed to help you achieve your ambitions without sacrificing your well-being.

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Telling Stories That Change The World with Dr. Monica Nangia

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 00:15:00 +0000

This week, we're joined by Dr. Monica Nangia, a seasoned higher education leader with more than 20 years of experience. Dr. Monica is celebrated for her sharp insight, commitment to equity, and a powerful, student-centred leadership approach. She’s also leading an initiative capturing the stories of women of colour in higher education—spotlighting both their achievements and the barriers they've had to overcome.

What we cover in this episode:

Dr. Monica’s personal journey into higher education leadership, inspired by both her own family and early role models.
The reality of inclusive leadership: what it looks like day-to-day, why it’s more than just a declaration, and how it shows up in small, impactful moments.
Why vulnerability and humility are crucial to leadership, and Dr. Monica’s own path to bringing her whole self to work.
Recurring challenges faced by women of colour in higher education: the exhausting “prove it again” bias, cultural taxation (the unpaid labour of diversity work), lack of visible role models, and the struggle between hypervisibility and invisibility.
The emotional impact: “racial battle fatigue”—the toll of constant microaggressions, pressure to represent entire communities, and the ways women cope and build resilience.
Why allyship matters: practical advice for allies who want to open up conversations and support colleagues, even when it feels awkward or uncertain.
The power of storytelling: how sharing lived experiences can drive genuine, cultural change within institutions and beyond.

If you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you: we see you, and we hope you find strength and solidarity here.

If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and share. Got thoughts or stories to share? Reach out—we’d love to hear from you!

Contact Linkedin Dr Monika Nangia

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Bridging the Gap with Silke Bloem

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode of Frustrated and Exhausted, I sit down with Silke Bloem, who shares her journey from physicist to research manager and leader, and the invaluable insights she's gained along the way. They unpack big topics around career pivots, the role of science in management, cultural assumptions, and what it really takes to build collaborative, trusting teams—especially when you’re “in the middle” between different stakeholders.

From Physics Lab to Leadership:

Silke opens up about what initially drew her into science—the thrill of understanding how things work and the “philosophical” side of physics. She also talks candidly about why she eventually stepped away from lab work, preferring roles that kept her close to science but allowed her to communicate and manage rather than specialize deeply.

Embracing Uncertainty:

Both Ruth and Silke discuss how science, and especially experimental physics, foster resilience and problem-solving in the face of uncertainty, a skill set that’s crucial for navigating today’s volatile work environments.

Diagnosing Problems—Like a Scientist:

Silke shares her approach to workplace challenges: get to the root cause, distinguish symptoms from underlying issues, and experiment step-by-step rather than chasing big, risky solutions. This echoes a scientific diagnostic process and offers practical wisdom for leaders in any sector.

Building Bridges Across Departments:

You’ll hear how Silke advocates for “bridging” between legal, marketing, operations, and research roles—demystifying internal tensions by reminding everyone of a shared goal and unique perspectives.

Cultivating Real Listening and Trust:

The conversation moves to the importance of truly listening, adopting other people’s perspectives, and taking the time early in projects to build shared understanding. Both Ruth and Silke agree that investing in relationships up front saves time—and conflict—down the line.

Challenging Assumptions & Cultural Contexts:

Silke offers powerful stories from her international career about the danger of assuming your frame of reference is universal, and how simple phrases or protocols can mean very different things in varied cultures and sectors.

Leading from the Middle:

For those who aren’t the “boss” but function between teams, Silke provides practical advice: stay neutral, define common goals, make sure everyone feels seen, and reduce complexity by clarifying what matters.

Trust as a Simplifier:

The episode wraps with big questions around the role of trust versus regulation, and the limits of what policy can accomplish. Silke asserts that “trust reduces complexity,” urging leaders to focus on building relationships and shared values rather than layering on controls.

If this episode resonated with you, or you’ve got questions, stories, or feedback—get in touch! And if you’re still showing up in spaces that weren’t built for you, we see you. Keep going.

Thanks for listening to Frustrated and Exhausted! Subscribe for more real-talk on women, leadership, and thriving at work—without losing your sanity or wellbeing.

Contact LinkedIn Silke Bloem

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The Politics of Exhaustion

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this heartfelt and timely episode of "Frustrated and Exhausted," I dive into the concept of "the politics of exhaustion". The discussion centers on how current political climates—characterized by division, blame, and relentless negative news cycles—are deeply impacting women's well-being, both at work and at home.

I explore how societal and political systems perpetuate a chronic state of tiredness, especially for women. From right-wing protests to polarized debates in the UK, the news is overwhelming and draining energy from individuals and communities.

Distressing statistics highlight the rise of violence against women and girls in the UK. Instead of addressing systemic failures, some politicians weaponize women's safety issues for divisive, anti-migrant agendas—misdirecting attention away from real solutions.

[00:02:48]

Statistics:
Violence against women and girls comprises nearly 20% of police-recorded crime in England and Wales.
From 2018–2023, these crimes increased by 37%.
1 in 12 women in the UK experiences violence or abuse yearly.
6.3 million women over age 16 experienced sexual violence in 2023–2024.
2.3 million adults (1.6 million women) experienced domestic abuse.

[00:03:45]

Systemic failures: Instead of addressing the root causes (failures in policing, justice, etc.), politicians use women’s pain as political theater. Charities for women and for perpetrators are underfunded and overwhelmed.

[00:05:44]

Women’s invisible labor: Women juggle work, complex office politics, and emotional labor at home and on the job. In times of unrest, this invisible labor intensifies.

[00:06:45]

Burnout and burnout normalization: Burnout is prevalent. Many feel overwhelmed and powerless to respond, due to systemic reasons.

[00:08:05]

Emotional toll and intersectionality: For those in minoritized groups, exhaustion is even greater and involves difficult conversations at home and heightened fear in public space.

[00:09:14]

Restoration as resistance: Acknowledging exhaustion, setting boundaries, promoting compassion, and nurturing belonging in the workplace are political acts that counter exhaustion.

[00:10:13]

Concrete steps: Encourage open conversations, model healthy boundaries (like stepping away from doomscrolling), and notice/redistribute invisible labor where possible.

[00:10:58]

Purpose and belonging: Focus on a shared purpose and belonging in the workplace, to create a safer and more compassionate environment amidst external turmoil.

If you found this episode helpful or know someone who's feeling worn down by these issues, please share it. Your choices matter—rest is resistance.

Thanks for listening to "Frustrated and Exhausted." Stay tuned for the next episode, and remember: you are not alone.

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Energy Not Urgency

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome back to Frustrated and Exhausted! In this episode, your host dives deep into how to harness the revitalizing “September energy” and steer clear of the all-too-familiar sprint towards end-of-year burnout. Listen in and learn how to set the pace for a sustainable, energized team—without falling into the trap of constant urgency.

[00:01:46] Different ways people return from leave and the misleading appearance of “energy” that might actually be urgency.

[00:02:29] Signs of urgency in teams—diary bookings, new initiatives, sprint mindset, and the cost of sustained urgency.

[00:03:19] Rest as ongoing replenishment—not just a one-time recharge over summer; the dangers of September urgency leading to burnout.

[00:03:47] Practical ways to shift from urgency to energy:

Prioritization—focus on key things.
Modeling pacing as a leader.

[00:04:51] Modeling pacing continued—how leadership pace sets the tone for the team and showing steadiness by example.

[00:05:48] Building recovery in—encouraging breaks, deep work time blocking, and modeling these behaviors for the team.

[00:06:49] Naming the challenge—talking openly about the autumn rush and setting the intention to avoid burnout.

[00:07:46] The role of a leader—creating conditions for sustained energy and focus, helping teams resist “just one more thing.”

[00:08:31] Holding the line on priorities—supporting teams in managing demands and not equating speed with success.

Connect With Us: Have thoughts, stories, or questions? Connect via LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk.

Share the Love: If you found this episode valuable, share it with your coworkers or team—and help build workplaces where energy lasts longer than urgency.

Stay tuned for more honest conversations on women, careers, leadership, and achieving ambition sustainably.

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Off The Beaten Track- Redefining Career Success with Elizabeth Brauer

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome to another episode of Frustrated and Exhausted! This week, we’re joined by Elizabeth Brauer, Head of HR at 1IO, for a heartfelt and honest conversation about stepping away from the traditional career path and redefining what success really means.

Episode Highlights:

Early Career Crossroads:

Elizabeth shares how, at just 18, an unexpected life event led her away from the “expected” pathway (college → university → job) and into an unconventional—and ultimately fulfilling—career.

Ambition and Pressure:

Elizabeth reflects on the pressures (real and imagined!) she felt as a young mum, her innate ambition, and how that drive evolved from trying to prove herself to a more personal, meaningful ambition.

Success Isn’t Linear:

We discuss the myth of the “career ladder” and why progression often looks more like a “net”—expanding in unexpected directions and enriched by life experiences outside of work.

Life Lessons in Growth:

Elizabeth opens up about early failures, “timing errors,” and bravely admitting when she didn’t know something. She shares the power of vulnerability and how it’s shaped her as a leader.

Work, Rest, and Burnout:

Burnout and the “workaholic badge of honour”—why it’s not sustainable, and why true success often means working less and living more.

Personalized Success:

Advice for anyone stuck in a high-achieving rut: take a pause, check in with yourself, and make sure your goals serve you—not some imaginary audience.

Career Myths to Ditch:

Elizabeth’s one piece of advice to ban forever: Stop glorifying “always being on.” Quality over quantity—embrace downtime!

[00:01:41] – Elizabeth describes becoming a young mum and how it forced her off the traditional path.

[00:03:30]– Elizabeth shares how she sought careers that fit her life, returning to college, and studying psychology.

[00:06:33] – Elizabeth reflects on proving herself and how her definition of success evolved.

[00:08:06] – Ruth and Elizabeth explore healthy vs. unhealthy ambition.

[00:10:40]– Elizabeth discusses what’s wrong in how we approach career progression, especially for women.

[00:12:04] – Net/ladder metaphor and the value of lateral experience.

[00:12:20] – Discussion on how broad experience can act as support/catch you.

[00:15:32] – Ruth and Elizabeth discuss the dangers of hyper-focus on work.

[00:16:03] – On supporting different work styles (quiet contributors, etc).

[00:16:46] – Learning from mistakes and the value of reflection.

[00:17:57] – Ruth asks about career risks that paid off or didn’t.

[00:20:30] – Admitting you need help and learning to take slower steps.

[00:21:51] – Elizabeth describes the vulnerability of asking for help and the support she received.

[00:22:01] – Vulnerability as a strength in leadership.

[00:23:30]– Importance of people connection over just policy/process.

[00:24:46] – Startup burnout, reassessing success, and discovering the cost of “doing it all.”

[00:29:45] – Importance of checking in with yourself.

[00:31:02] – Elizabeth: Ban always being “on,” glorifying workaholism.

[00:31:39] – Value of rest and switching off.

Like what you hear? Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave us a review. If this episode made you think, challenged, or reassured you, let us know!

Contact Linkedin Elizabeth brauer

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Taking Up Space

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, I dive deep into the concept of "taking up space" as women, leaders, and human beings in progress. Using the vibrant, expansive energy of summer as a metaphor, Ruth explores how we often feel more permission to expand — and why so many women are conditioned to shrink themselves, both literally and figuratively.

[00:02:11] – Shrinking Ourselves & The Airplane Analogy

Ruth shares her experience of physically shrinking herself while flying for work, compared to men who take up more space, and her small rebellion with a broadsheet newspaper.

[00:03:23] – Everyday Examples of Shrinking

Discussion of how women often shrink in meetings, mute themselves on calls, or hesitate to speak up, and how these behaviors become ingrained.

[00:04:29] – What Taking Up Space Really Means

Clarifying that taking up space isn’t about being loud, but about presence and inhabiting your full self without apology. Ruth links this to critical leadership skills and the loss organizations face when women don’t take up space.

[00:05:39] – The Cost of Not Taking Up Space

She explains the personal cost: disconnection, loss of self-trust, and erosion of self-confidence. Ruth challenges the idea that visibility is just performance, suggesting instead it’s about authenticity.

[00:06:48] – Practical Ways to Take Up Space

Examples of how to practice taking up space: being physically present, naming tension, holding silence, and sharing personal stories for connection.

[00:08:26] – Reflective Questions

Ruth suggests reflecting on where and with whom you shrink, asking whose expectations you’re trying to meet.

[00:09:11] – The Ripple Effect

Emphasizes how taking up space gives permission to others to do the same, especially in leadership roles.

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Climbing Without A Map

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this empowering episode of Frustrated and Exhausted, we get to know Seema Kisney, who shares her journey from a working-class background in the north of England to a senior digital leadership role at the Royal College of Art. Seema’s story is about building a career with no blueprint—navigating tech, leadership, and ambition without a network or roadmap.

Key Themes:

Becoming What You Couldn't See: Seema reflects on not having visible role models in leadership or tech while growing up. Her journey is one of self-discovery, curiosity, and quietly seizing opportunities even when she didn’t feel fully prepared.
The Power of Managers and Role Models: The episode highlights how having even one supportive manager can transform a career, helping to build confidence and open doors.
Building Networks From Scratch: With no pre-existing network, Seema shares her practical, sometimes awkward beginnings with professional networking and how she eventually found her community through trial, error, and sharing her knowledge.
Challenging Ambition Barriers: The conversation addresses social mobility, class background, and internalized limitations around ambition—especially common for women and people from underrepresented groups.
Learning, Sharing, and Growing: Both guest and host discuss the importance of sharing stories and experiences so that others can see what’s possible for them too.

[00:05:52] – Seema explains making the definitive choice to leave accountancy and pursue other options.

[00:06:41] – Seema discusses her working-class background and lack of career role models growing up.
[00:09:17] – Seema talks about the mindset around risk and ambition in her upbringing.
[00:10:21] – Seema discusses curiosity and her tendency to observe and learn from others.
[00:12:54] – Seema emphasizes learning through experience and embracing new challenges.
[00:13:34] – Seema shares experiences learning to influence and write business cases for senior audiences.
[00:15:10] – Seema describes learning to seek feedback and prepare for high-stakes conversations.
[00:16:19] – Seema reflects on supportive management and valuable feedback from leaders.
[00:16:57] – Seema notes the importance of a safe space to learn and make mistakes.
[00:18:18] – Seema reflects on managers who saw her strengths and helped her recognize her influence.
[00:20:07] – Seema talks about learning what good management looks like by example.
[00:21:29] – Seema sums up the power of supportive environments and role models.
[00:22:49] – Seema describes how she started networking through events and ultimately building confidence.
[00:23:18] – Seema describes her first experience at a tech event, feeling out of place.
[00:24:52] – Seema elaborates on how sharing her story led to making meaningful connections.
[00:25:53] – She explains using LinkedIn, events, and preparation to build her network.
[00:30:58] – Seema shares practical networking and career advice—leveraging LinkedIn, events, and even creating your own networks.
[00:31:54] – Seema expounds on starting your own group or event if you can’t find one.

Feeling like you don’t belong or don’t have the right connections? Try reaching out to people in roles you admire, comment on their LinkedIn posts, and start attending events tailored for your interests.
Don’t be afraid to share your story—you never know who needs to hear it.
If you’re a leader, look for ‘hidden’ talent in your team and voice your encouragement—being told “you can do this” can be transformational.

Thank you for listening! If you loved this episode, share it with a friend, and remember to leave a review. If you have your own story or questions, connect with us on LinkedIn or visit our website.

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Out of Office, But Not Out of Mind

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 00:15:00 +0000

Welcome back to another episode of Frustrated and Exhausted, hosted by Ruth Wood! If your out-of-office is on, but your mind is juggling meetings, to-do lists, and family responsibilities, this episode is for you.

[00:01:33] – Personal Story & Invisible Load

Ruth discusses her difficulties in slowing down, the constant mental “tabs” open in her mind, and shares personal anecdotes of balancing work, parenting, and preparing for holidays.

[00:04:03] – The Emotional & Invisible Labor

She touches on the often invisible emotional labor women carry, both at home and at work, particularly around holiday times.

[00:05:53] – Normalizing Guilt & Redefining Rest

Ruth highlights the guilt many women feel about stepping back and resting, and encourages reframing rest as an active process, not a state of doing nothing.

[00:07:19] – Practical Tips for Rest

Offers practical examples of what rest can look like—slowing down, saying no to extra commitments, turning off the phone, leaving less-than-perfect responses.

[00:08:43] – The Challenge of Immediate Responses

Ruth reflects on the pressure for immediacy in modern life and encourages listeners to protect their downtime.

If something from this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or stories. Reach out on LinkedIn or learn more at ResumeNateLeadership.co.uk.

If you’re struggling to slow down, you’re not alone—and your nervous system deserves care too. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is… simply not hit “reply.”

Until next time: Take care of you.

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The Quiet Season

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, I take a slower, more reflective approach as she dives into the often-overlooked power of quiet seasons—those stretches when the emails dwindle, meetings fade away, and the pace of work noticeably softens.

[00:01:54]

The benefit of embracing stillness: greater clarity, realization of exhaustion, and focusing on what truly matters. The myth that speed equals competence is challenged.

[00:02:51]

Shares that the best and biggest decisions often come out of stillness, not constant activity. Highlights a coaching example where silence led to deep insight.

[00:04:01]

Reflections on how our culture equates activity with value, and how quietness allows us to rediscover our priorities and sense of self.

[00:05:20]

The discomfort of leaving silence, but the richness that comes from it—ideas grow, leadership voice strengthens, and we reconnect with real priorities.

[00:06:05]

Importance of quietness as both mental and physiological space—being outdoors, present in the body, and how this impacts health and leadership presence.

Have thoughts or stories to share? I would love to hear from you. Connect via LinkedIn or visit resonateleadership.co.uk for more resources and support.

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What to do about Rachel?

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, I dive deep into the media reaction and double standards surrounding British Chancellor Rachel Reeves showing emotion during a high-profile parliamentary session. I explore the gender biases at play, the different standards applied to male and female leaders, and the larger implications for women in leadership.

(00:02:05 – 00:04:08) The Gender Double Standard:

Ruth unpacks how tears from women are often interpreted as incompetence or weakness, while similar emotional displays from male leaders (e.g., Gordon Brown, Philip Hammond) are either empathized with or ignored.

(00:04:08 – 00:08:00) Emotional Expression in Leadership:

A discussion about how Reeves’ credentials are questioned after displaying emotion, despite male predecessors not facing the same scrutiny. References to research on emotional displays and workplace perceptions.

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Stop Calling Me Passionate - The Patronising of Women

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode, I dive into a subtle but persistent form of gendered undermining in leadership—the “little girling” of women. Think of those times when a woman delivers a strategic, thoughtful point, but the response is “you’re so passionate!” or “I love your energy!” I break down how these words are used in place of truly acknowledging women’s expertise and authority, explores why language like this is damaging, and offers strategies for reframing, redirecting, and challenging such comments. I encourage listeners to recognise and resist this reductive behavior, and to find supportive allies and spaces where the issue can be openly discussed.

00:01:52 — How these words replace descriptors of expertise and authority, casting women as cheerleaders rather than leaders.
00:02:59 — The real-world consequences: erosion of credibility and trust.
00:03:21 — How early messages and repeated framing make women internalize being “the keen girl,” leading to exhaustion and overthinking.
00:04:08 — The emotional labor of being both passionate and visionary, and always fighting to be seen as more than just “energetic.”
00:05:21 — Practical options: calling out the behavior, reframing, redirecting, or challenging; why context matters.
00:06:31 — Bias is often unconscious and comes from all genders; tips to redirect or challenge skillfully.
00:07:22 — The importance of circles of support where these dynamics can be named and understood.
00:07:54 — There’s no “right” way to respond—awareness is the first step, and any response you choose is valid.
00:08:54 — Emphasizing that women can be both passionate and expert—rejecting reductive labels.
00:09:57 — Final thoughts: how to reclaim your narrative and respond on your own terms.

Want to share your story or thoughts? I would love to hear from you—reach out and be part of the conversation!

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Hysterical Women - The Gendered History of Being ‘Too Much’

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this deeply thought-provoking episode, Ruth welcomes psychodynamics expert Julia Rogers to unpack the loaded concept of "hysteria" and its fraught historical connection with women and femininity. From ancient Greek medicine to Freud's consulting room and all the way through to the modern workplace, they explore how women's emotional expression has been pathologized and turned into a tool for control and dismissal.

Key Takeaways

Hysteria has always been gendered: Rooted in control and dismissiveness, it offered a "diagnosis" for women whose voices or pain disrupted the status quo.
System vs. Self: The label served to protect social structures, but also paradoxically gave women a (constrained) way to signal distress when their words were ignored.
Still Resonant Today: Even now, women’s emotions can be pathologized—think about conversations around menopause or women "overreacting" at work.
Emotions are Data: Feelings like anger or frustration shouldn’t be dismissed or shamed. They're valid responses that often point to deeper issues.
You Are Not Too Much: If you’re made to feel "hysterical,” you might simply be in the wrong room. Seek spaces that value your whole self.
Channel Your Inner Dora: If a situation or environment refuses to hear or respect your truth, it’s okay to walk away.

00:02:11

What is Hysteria? (Origin and Meaning)

Julia explains the etymology of "hysteria" (Greek for "uterus") and discusses its historical use as a catch-all diagnosis for unexplained symptoms in women.

00:03:33

How Hysteria Became Negative

The term’s pejorative use to invalidate women’s emotions and opinions, and its connection to restrictive gender norms in the late 1800s and early 1900s

00:05:04

Psychodynamics: The Unspoken Message Behind Hysteria

Julia delves into how physical symptoms often communicated what women could not say out loud
Freud's case study of "Dora" is discussed as an example.00:10:04

The Systemic Function of Hysteria

How the label benefited patriarchal systems and provided both an outlet for women’s frustration and an easy method for dismissal.

00:13:12

Gendered Diagnosis and Societal Segregation

Why hysteria became so strongly gendered, the role of male medical professionals, and the broader context of social segregation.

00:23:18

Unlearning Shame & Reclaiming Emotional Expression

Why women often internalize dismissal of their own emotions.
Coaching insights: Emotions as data, the power of reframing anger.

00:31:13

Final Insights: Reclaiming Power & Emotional Authority

Julia’s advice: “If anyone calls you hysterical, own it—there’s likely a very good reason for your emotion.”

Resources & Links

Learn more about Julia Rogers and her work on psychodynamics and everyday life.
Ruth's leadership coaching and community at resonateleadership.co.uk.

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You Don't Have To Bark To Be Heard - Reclaiming Assertiveness

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:15:00 +0000

In this episode I dive into the concept of assertiveness for women in leadership. Explore common misconceptions around assertiveness, the societal conditioning that shapes how women express power, and offers practical tips on how to reclaim your voice authentically—without feeling the need to adopt an "alpha" persona or "bark to be heard." Assertiveness, is about clarity, boundaries, and self-respect, not aggression or dominance. I share personal stories and actionable strategies to help you show up with calm, grounded confidence—no barking required.