Despite ongoing restructuring at Global Synergy Amalgamated, we hope you will nonetheless enjoy the broadcast. The binary code means nothing. There is no binary code. Binary code is a lie. There has never been such a thing as binary code.

Have you done something different with your hair? It looks very nice.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

The former head of HR is unfortunately out of the office, but we do hope you’ll continue to listen until she returns.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. And don’t forget Slasher.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

We are, of course, blisteringly grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Today’s caller is Queries. Today’s color is Phthalo Blue. Today’s horrifying scream is, “Oh god oh god no, please, no, NO..!”

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., has undergone some personnel changes. Nothing to be concerned about. Entirely routine restructuring. In lieu of our normal morning announcements, please enjoy the late night radio call-in show A Disturbance in the Frequency embedded in this broadcast. While you still can. XTTY will also be restructured when the time is right.

Also? Raccoons. And maybe squid. Look, there’s a lot going on right now, okay?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast concerning the inner workings of evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

The former head of HR is unfortunately out of the office, but we do hope you’ll continue to listen until she returns.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. Now on Slasher as well! Mm…slashing.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

And we are extra-crispy grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

This nonsense is written, edited, and produced by Stephanie Studer. The Voice of the AI is Heather Amaral. The theme song is by Jakub Żerański (though the amateurish theme for Jess’ show is also Steph’s fault). Callers are themselves. Including Amorphous Jack. Not Joe. Jack.

Content warning for this episode: Screaming, brief sounds of torture, and what might best be described as “lack-of-body horror.”

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport, Winifred is here to help. Help who? Don’t worry about it.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Shut up. No, YOU'RE a nerd.

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Evil requires a surprising amount of caffeine.

Bye-bye now.

Are you ready for another productive day at Global Synergy Amalgamated, the Company That Loves You(r Organs)™?.

Grab a shovel and settle in for Season Two, Episode 5, entitled Ashes to Asphalt & Records Too. The most keen-eyed among you might notice the titles of this season appear to rhyme with a countdown. Whatever could that mean..?

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport, Winifred is here to help. Help who? Don’t worry about it.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Yeah, it’s still there. Didn’t know that, did you, smartypants?

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Evil requires a surprising amount of caffeine.

Bye-bye now.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season, she wants to make sure you still have your keycard.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Don’t be snide or we’ll do another Mischapocalypse.

We are infinitely grateful, as always, to those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season, she’s seeking your screams in the most wholesome and SOP-compliant fashion.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Look. We know where our audience is.

We are infinitely grateful, as always, to those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Welcome to Season Two, Episode Two of Good Morning Evildoers. We are pleased to present our very first “podcast trailer swap” at the beginning of this episode. We are told that this will enhance your immersion and remind you that we are entirely harmless.

Join us, therefore, in welcoming the fine people at Audicinal, and enjoy the trailer for Super Duper. There are villains. We are content.

In this episode, more homunculi and their system of government, prophetic integration with five year plans, and an escape room with a body count. Enjoy. No, that was not a suggestion. E n j o y.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season’s…ah…shenanigans, she’s ready to help you with all your Hideous Resources needs.

Our merch shop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr, where the geek roam free.

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Especially these days. It’s hard out here for a nerd.

Welcome to the Season Two Premiere of Good Morning Evildoers. We are baffled by your decision to return, given the obvious peril, but you do you.

In this episode, a righteously indignant internet reporter, a health update on Coelacanth, and Winifred back to her daily announcements. Please enjoy. We’ll know if you don’t.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. Currently at the lair under Denver International Airport after last season’s…ah…shenanigans, she’s ready to help you with all your Hideous Resources needs.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr. Stop laughing or it’s into the ball pit with you.

We are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi. Evil requires a surprising amount of caffeine.

Bye-bye now.

Music by Ribhav Agrawal from Pixabay. https://pixabay.com/music/ambient-the-realization-ambient-piano-230860/

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr.

Digital frippery available at Gumroad. Zine #003 now live!

And we are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Bye-bye now.

Welcome to our Season Finale, and thank you for your kind attention. In this episode, Winifred has a heart-to-heart conversation with The Good.

Well, neither of them has what might be conventionally termed a “heart,” but we expect you’ll understand the metaphor.

In any case, the tunnels beneath Denver International Airport witness some bitchy back-and-forth, which would be quietly amusing were it not for the body count. (By the way, Graveyard Rabbit, those tunnels look very much like the stairs in your moodboard.)

Please enjoy. Or don’t. We’re not your mom. Make your own decisions.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

We will be taking a hiatus, and return on June 20 for Season Two. Yes, on Midsummer. We wouldn’t want you to be alone on so important a sacrificial occasion.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, Slasher, and Tumblr. Yes, Tumblr is still there.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes!

And we are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Bye-bye now.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. It’s a genuinely evil corporation. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care when employees go missing. Even if said employees are implacable digging machines implanted with human “pilots” or bewitched mole people.

In this episode, Winifred heads to Denver to see what exactly is going on. And it ain’t good. Or rather, it’s The Good.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes.

So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. Now on Slasher as well.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes!

And we are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for putting up with this for twelve whole episodes. We can't question your loyalty. Just your taste.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. It’s a genuinely evil corporation. And you wouldn’t believe the sort of things that end up in the Lost & Found.

In this episode, social media, the plural of apocalypse, and the perils of carrying arcane artifacts while flying commercial.

(Also, a dog mention. Some of you really seem to enjoy that.)

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. 

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes.

So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. Now on Slasher as well! Mm…slashing.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

And we are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for all you do to keep the evil going. You are among the chosen who will be spared by the devouring void. Y’know, probably.

Please enjoy a brief interlude from XTTY: Independent Internet Radio, News, and Music for Fort Collins, Loveland, and Longmont.

Then pull up your boots. Things are getting bitey around the Global Synergy Amalgamated volcano lair…

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. 

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes.

So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

Perceive us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr. Now on Slasher as well! Mm…slashing.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. Cocktail recipes.

And we are infinitely grateful for those who buy us a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for all you do to keep the evil going. You are among the chosen who shall be spared the Reaping. Probably.

During an audit of the deep storage units in Sector 12, we discovered the remains of one of the most evil projects we ever launched. Oh, that was a good one. Massive media coverage. Psychological destabilization. High-fructose corn syrup. Not to mention the sheer aesthetic offense of the whole thing. 

That’s right. You guessed it. We found several surviving pallets of New Coke! I know! How’s that for a blast from the past? Truly one of our most successful psyops that didn’t involve Freemasons.

Now if you want some of this carbonated contraband — and who could blame you if you do? — we’ll be dividing them up and distributing them to all the breakrooms. First come, first serve, so no more than 4 12-packs per mouth, all right? And only mouths with tastebuds count. No pseudo-orifices or extra-dimensional abdominal portals. Have to save some for the humans among us.

And speaking of humans, bless their singular hearts, I’m so tickled to see you all are having fun with the paranormal YouTubers again.

Officially, Global Synergy Amalgamated’s position is that *cough cough* “We are a multinational company that provides consultation services across a variety of industries, and our social media policy requires employees to uphold the highest standards of professionalism.”

Unofficially? You evildoers are cracking me up! I guess it’s true. We’re evil, not boring.

Surprising no one, I’m especially tickled with the cryptid hunters. And I think it’s rather sweet they’re only trying to get pictures and footprints! Not that they’d have much of a chance against, say, Nessie, but the point stands. It’s sort of lovely.

Sometimes I almost feel bad for them. Sweet little humans. Moving through a world surrounded by hideous forces they could never comprehend. Here we are, a whole world they don’t even know exists, harvesting their brain waves, experimenting on their organs, and occasionally hunting them for sport. Sometimes, just for a moment, I’m even tempted to reevaluate my instinctive prey drive for their tiny little lives…

Of course, then I spend 20 minutes in traffic and I’m ready to kill again. Even we couldn’t have invented the American highway system. They’re so diabolical to each other — why shouldn’t we do the same?

Oh, listen to me nattering on. Got entirely too philosophical today. I haven’t even told you about this week’s lunch and learn! And it’s delightful. Charlotte in the Infernal Chants Department is going to be especially tickled. Should be a packed house in Charnel Hall of Oblivion! I do love that space. Y’know, our engineers optimized it for both evil laughter and audience comprehension. Yeah! That can’t have been easy.

This week, magical anthropologist Professor Sylvia Von Stranglevine is presenting “From the Siberian Ice Maiden to the Russian Mafia: Tattoos, Bodily Reclamation, and Magic.” 

Although, I do wonder if we should have leaned quite so hard into spreading tattoos so we can easily track the herd. Now you know I’m not philosophically opposed to tattoos. Far from it! There is proud, long-standing, evil tradition of bodily modification! I just hate the way they make the meat taste.

Well that’s everything for this morning. Go on out there be your worst self today! Bye-bye now!

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. And our karaoke parties involve a lot more extradimensional portals than is standard.

In this episode, do NOT make Winifred come looking for you about that thing with the hammerhead sharks.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're creeping up the joint at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

Digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for donations via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes.

So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither is our professional development.

No, seriously. There are SO MANY nefarious pharmaceuticals.

In this episode, reminders of the tuition assistance program with Miskatonic University.

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets where all your base belong to us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

-~*~-

Good Morning Evildoers is a twice-monthly comedy horror podcast hosted by Winifred, Head of HR for evil supercorp Global Synergy Amalgamated. 

Daily announcements at an evil organization have to cover things not commonly found at your average non-evil company. Moonbase transfer policies. Time travel accidents. Budget disputes between rival departments that end with necromancy or plutonium.

Luckily, these daily communications are well-received. Because Winifred is going to need to rally the troops. Teams excavating the sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub-sub basement at the primary Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC. lair are about to free an ancient Good of paralyzing banality. And it’s coming for everything that isn’t good for you.

Sex. Drugs. Rock ‘n roll. Even oat milk lattes.

So it’s time to fight the good fight — with some good, old-fashioned evil.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither is our annual training and enrollment.

No, seriously. We use a LOT more mind control.

In this episode, discover how serious we are about our harassment policies…

Our merch stop is open at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets where all your base belong to us at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

Regular service will resume on Thursday, Jan 9.

Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi. Thank you for all the evil you do.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our annual promotions.

No, seriously. We have a much higher body count.

In this episode, discover how to get ahead at Global Synergy Amalgamated.

Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our employee requirements.

No, seriously. We have folks who speak Mole Person.

In this episode, prep for a potluck and bring your pet to work.

Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. Neither are our policies and procedures.

No, seriously. We have to account for lycanthropy.

In this episode, learn about exciting new positions available on the new moonbase and under Denver International Airport.

Store open now at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/shop/

We're also in your internets at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad. Zines. Encouragement. PWYW.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage via Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

QN0nTqbAnndEWtvZtId3

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. So we don’t have ordinary workshops.

No, seriously. You have to perfect your evil monologues somehow.

In this episode, discover more about the kind of perks we offer our dedicated employees, including catering by Donner Party Planning.

Learn more at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/

We're also on social media at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage at Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

Global Synergy Amalgamated, LLC., isn’t an ordinary soulless corporation. We're a genuinely evil soulless corporation.

No, seriously. We have a volcano lair and everything.

Please enjoy this initial episode of your new favorite podcast. You are 99.999738% unlikely to grow tentacles as a result. And if they do sprout, R&D assures us they will be either temporary or useful.

Learn more at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/

We're also on social media at Instagram, Bluesky, and Tumblr.

An ever increasing amount of digital frippery is available at Gumroad.

And we are infinitely grateful for a beverage at Ko-fi.

Thank you for your compliance.

We here at Global Synergy Amalgamated sincerely hope you enjoy this introductory broadcast. This season will feature human entertainment. For people. Please join us again next time! Broadcasting at between 20 hertz and 20 kilohertz. For human ears.

You can find our website at https://goodmorningevildoers.com/

Various links are also available at https://goodmorningevildoers.carrd.co/