The Hegelian Friendship Simulator

HFS 42: Missing Presumed Eaten

John Miklas — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge are muhfuggin' back but it's not entirely like riding a bike. Sorry for the delay folks, we've just been out here L-I-V-I-N. But hell yeah, let's do this again.

Fur Your Information: "Wotjek the Bear"

Vergel: "Johan de Witt" / Miklas: "Presumed Dead" Wikiholes start at 13:25

HFS 41: Christopher Lee Latrine Disaster

John Miklas — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge are BACK and they're swearing off potty humor for good.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Saint Pierre and Miquelon

WikiHoles: Sir Christopher Lee (Vergel) / Erfurt Latrine Disaster (Miklas) / Holes begin at 26:40

HFS 40: Microwave Ray Hangover Gun

John Miklas — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 11:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge had a baby! Actually just Mik but Verge has been doing cool stuff too. Sorry the ep is so late. We've been busy!

Surprise Bad-Ass of the Week: Shail Upadhya

WikiHoles: Havana Syndrome (Miklas) / Manichaeism (Vergel) Wikiholes start at 23:00

HFS 39: Wonderlic My Balls

John Miklas — Tue, 24 Aug 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik decide what gets to live and why wasps don't.

Fur Your Information: Schmidt sting pain index

WikiHoles: Wonderlic Exam (Miklas) / Human Sacrifice (Vergel) / Holes begin at

HFS 38: And Now for a Sudden and Overwhelming Emotional Release

John Miklas — Sun, 08 Aug 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Sorry for the delay! Mik and Verge are joined by an enthusiastic guest who wants to know the last time they actually felt something. Please welcome guest Jimmy for his first appearance but definitely not his last!

Surprise Bad-Ass (Sidekick) of the Week: Peter Norman

WikiHoles: Faith (Vergel) / Saudade (Miklas) / Holes begin at 24:56

HFS 37: Right About Now, Funk Soul Eleanor

John Miklas — Tue, 20 Jul 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge discuss people famous for their rhythm - Eleanor Roosevelt top of the list.

Goooooood Cookin': Mate

WikiHoles: Eleanor Roosevelt (Miklas); History of Funk Music (Vergel); holes start at 42mins

HFS 36: Dicks and Docks

John Miklas — Tue, 06 Jul 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge get circumcised.

"Surprise bad-ass of the week": Jennifer Mee (Hiccup Girl)

WikiHoles: Dock Ellis (Vergel) / Prevalence of Circumcision (Miklas) / WikiHoles begin at

HFS 35: Justinian's Wife Theodora Sounds Chill

John Miklas — Wed, 23 Jun 2021 02:00:00 -0700

This ep brought to you in Glorious Mono on account of, you guessed it, a technical issue!

Ethnic Enclave: Polish Haitians

Wikiholes: Nika Riot (Miklas) / Shapeshifting (Vergel) Wikiholes start at 19:23

HFS 34: Finally an Asian Lady Pirate Movie

John Miklas — Tue, 15 Jun 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge inexplicably both talk about piracy.

Gooood Cookin': Sonoran Hot Dogs

WikiHoles: Zheng Yi Sao (Vergel); Missionary Church of Kopimism (Miklas); WikiHoles begin at 22:40

HFS 33: Join a Band, Not a Cult

John Miklas — Tue, 08 Jun 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge are TOGETHER! LIVE! And then not.

Fur Your Info: Giant Softshell Turtles

Wikiholes: Beautiful Willamette Valley (Miklas) / Shen Yun (Vergel) Wikiholes start at 21:49

HFS 32: Godel's Poophole

John Miklas — Tue, 01 Jun 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Part 1 of a messy 2 part situation where Verge and Mik try to work around their differing schedules to bring you piggies the good good.

Ethnic Enclave: The Sydney Block

Wikiholes: The Belarusian Situation (Miklas) / Godel's Loophole (Vergel) Wikiholes begin at 24:38

HFS 31: Bodies in Spaces, Criss Angel in Places

John Miklas — Mon, 24 May 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge look at pictures of naked people.

Suprisingly Badass Good Cookin': CABLP

Wikiholes: Inherently Funny Words (Vergel) / Nudism (Miklas) Wikiholes begin at 26:18

HFS 30: Are we Human or are we Squiggles?

John Miklas — Sun, 16 May 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik solve the Israel-Palestine conflict.

Surprise Bad-Ass of the Week: Mitsuko Thekla Maria, Countess of Coudenhove-Kalergi

WikiHoles:

Child's Crusade (Miklas) / Dimensions (Vergel) / WikiHoles start at 26:10

HFS 29: Spookiness, and Separately, Mummies

John Miklas — Sun, 09 May 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge might need to take a step back and take a deep breath for a second.

Gooood Cookin': Ampo of Java

Wikiholes: Botched Psychonautics (Vergel) / Buddhist Mummies (Miklas) Wikiholes begin at 23:38

Links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cF06IIfW2Mhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cF06IIfW2M

HFS 28: Anthropromrorphrism

John Miklas — Mon, 03 May 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge welcome their first guest! Producer Emmy joins the ep to talk about a topic that's been on her mind lately: animals acting like humans.

ANTHROPOMORPHISM GUEST EP

The Psychology of... (Vergel) / Olympics Mascots (Miklas)

HFS 27: Pour One Out for Dead Empires

John Miklas — Mon, 26 Apr 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik change up the vibes from grinding gears to lubing them up... for some nice Tinglers.

Gooood Cookin': Ristorante Fortezza Medicea

Wikiholes: Chuck Tingle's Tinglers (Vergel) / Maritime History of Somalia (Miklas) / Wikiholes begin at 22:00

Links:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/02/my-977-days-held-hostage-by-somali-pirates

https://jperiod.bandcamp.com/album/j-period-knaan-the-messengers-trilogy-mixtape

HFS 26: All My Homies Hate Dilbert

John Miklas — Mon, 19 Apr 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge contemplate their own fungibility.

Surprise Bad-Ass of the Week: Mary Ann Brown Patten

WikiHoles: John Brown (Miklas) / NFTs (Vergel) / WikiHoles begin at 23:15

HFS 25: Grinding Gears and Drinking Beers

John Miklas — Sun, 11 Apr 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge get mad.

Fur Your Information: Carcinisation

WikiHoles:

History of Artificial Intelligence (Vergel) / Death of David Chain (Miklas) / WikiHoles begin at 25:40

HFS 24: Communes Always End in Sex Cults

John Miklas — Mon, 05 Apr 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik are hungover. They also introduce producer Emmy.

Fur Your Information: Coelacanth

WikiHoles:

Eurovision Song Contest (Miklas) / Free State of Jefferson (Vergel) / WikiHoles begin at 18:40

HFS 23: Blood, Speed, and Jimsonweed

John Miklas — Mon, 29 Mar 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge hop dimensions in this psychedelic episode! And we'll leave it at that.

They also sloppily introduce a new (old) friend to the Simulator... with the intent of doing a better job of it next episode!

Fur Your Information: Harpy Eagles

Wikiholes:

"Eleusinian Mysteries" (Vergel)/"Psychonauts" (Miklas)/Wikiholes start at 16:35

HFS 22: "Pi, God, Why?"

John Miklas — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 10:45:00 -0700

Verge and Mik conduct a crazy conversation concerning camel corps, cossacks, cranks, covens and cockatrices.

Fur Your Information: United States Camel Corps

WikiHoles:

Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks (Miklas)
Animal Trials / Indiana Pi Bill (Vergel)
WikiHoles begin at 22:00

HFS 21: Alaska Posadist Alliance

John Miklas — Mon, 15 Mar 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik discuss the merits of bumping elbows with your neighbors and ponder if the Truth, regarding communism, dolphins, and nukes, is (way) out there.

Ethnic Enclave: South Sudanese Americans

Wikiholes:

"Begich Towers, Whittier, AK" (Vergel) / "Posadism" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 29:20

HFS 20: Rubes, Revoluciones and Russian Mongolians

John Miklas — Mon, 08 Mar 2021 10:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge contemplate a future full of leisure and nominate some more names for the HFS HOF.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Tuva Republic

WikiHoles:

"Rube Waddell" (Miklas) / "Amelio Robles Avila" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 21:20

HFS 19: Sgt. Stubby and the Plot to Assassinate Olof Palme

John Miklas — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 11:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge nominate two new figures for the HFS Hall of Fame.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Polish people in the UK

WikiHoles:

"Sgt Stubby" (Vergel) / "Assassination of Olof Palme" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 22:42

HFS 18: Sex and Farts

John Miklas — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 09:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge discuss (in depth) the nature of bodily functions as they have occurred and been contemplated upon throughout history.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Koreatown/Little Bangladesh, Los Angeles, CA, US

WikiHoles:

"Catullus 16" (Miklas) / "Le Petomane" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 21:03

HFS 17: Capitalism is for the Birds

John Miklas — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge look for some answers and energy in the face of a stiflingly boring Twitter news week.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: "Kaifeng Jews"

WikiHoles:

"Kaifeng " (Vergel) / "Nuisance Wildlife Management" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 10:40

HFS 16: Balloon Bombs Over Byzantium

John Miklas — Mon, 08 Feb 2021 00:00:00 -0700

Yowza! This is a hot one. Mik and Verge discuss the nuances of tragedy and 20th century geopolitics, whether they're Calvinists and what the world would be like if Teotihuacan survived the downfall of a supervolcano.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Kreuzberg, Berlin, Germany

WikiHoles:

"Fu-Go Balloon Bomb" (Miklas) / "536" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 23:50

HFS 15: GalleAnuses

John Miklas — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge contemplate the coming wave of populism in our general discourse as well as the fleeting nature of cultural assimilation.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Spanish Fork, Utah (Icelandic diaspora)

WikiHoles:

"Ursula and Sabina Erikkson" (Vergel) / "Wall Street bombing" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 23:30

HFS14: Real Housewives of the Gaping Abyss

John Miklas — Sun, 24 Jan 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge watch and discuss the Real Housewives media empire.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Barentsburg, Svalbard, Norway

WikiHole:

"List of Logical Fallacies" (Miklas) / Hole begins at 19:15

HFS 13: Diamond Joe's Do-Me Eyes

John Miklas — Sun, 17 Jan 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Bedroom Eyes. Perfect words in dying languages. The irredeemable socio-cultural impact of bad satire. It's all here in this episode.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Al-Lawatia, Muscat, Oman

WikiHoles:

"Joe Biden (The Onion)" (Miklas) / "Mamihlapinatapai" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 20:50

HFS 12: Behind the Music - Tout a Coup Jazz

John Miklas — Mon, 11 Jan 2021 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge get their points out of the way regarding the "Bay of Chuds" on Jan. 6th in DC and move on to more important matters: hyping up the life and times of our boy Thomas Sankara, a true musician.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Liberdade, Sao Paulo, Brazil (Japanese diaspora)

WikiHoles:

"Tout a Coup Jazz" (Both!) / Hole begins at 21:50

HFS 11: Ethical Public Defecation

John Miklas — Mon, 04 Jan 2021 10:15:00 -0700

Mik and Verge contemplate ethics of pooping in public.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Basques in Boise, Idaho

WikiHoles:

"Mariko Aoki phenomenon" (Vergel) / "Ethical Consumerism" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 15:12

HFS 10: Indiana, the Opolis

John Miklas — Mon, 28 Dec 2020 01:30:00 -0700

The boys examine what life is like living inside of a simulation and in doing so, Mik's edible kicks in.

Ethnic Enclave of the Week: Burmese Chin in Indianapolis

WikiHoles:

"List of Balls Dropped on New Year's Eve" (Miklas) / "Quantum Suicide" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 21:04

HFS 9: The Las Vegas Teleportation Factory

John Miklas — Mon, 21 Dec 2020 09:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge ruminate for too long on Dan Crenshaw's aesthetic.

WikiHoles:

"List of Las Vegas casinos that never opened" (Vergel) / "1593 Transported Soldier Legend" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 17:05

HFS 8: "Frozen Space Embryos of the Year"

John Miklas — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 09:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge attempt to analyze history as it is happening and (you guessed it!) get caught up on the moral failings of our capitalist system. Buckle up for a light-hearted romp!

WikiHoles:

"Embryonic Space Exploration" (Miklas) / "Time Person of the Year" (Vergel)/ Holes begin at 17:50.

HFS BONUS: It's Renndnesdayyyy!

John Miklas — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 12:00:00 -0700

That's right, folks. Mik was so delighted by the WikiHole that emerged after a brief discussion of A-List (citation needed) actor Jeremy Renner in a previous ep that we are devoting an emergency, mid-week BONUS EPISODE entirely about his failed attempt to construct an app devoted entirely to his vanity and the complicated nature of celebrity..

For even more in-depth coverage, check out podcast The Renner Files.

HFS 7: Do Not Be A Rubbish Man

John Miklas — Sun, 06 Dec 2020 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge contemplate pranks and colonialism (again).

WikiHoles:

"Dreadnought Hoax" (Vergel) / "Cargo Cults" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 22:52

HFS 6: Sad Boys of History

John Miklas — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 22:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge get sad.

WikiHoles:

"Melancholy" (Miklas) / "Athletics at the 1904 Summer Olympics" (Vergel) / Holes begin at 17:11

HFS BONUS: A Charlie Kirk Thanksgiving

John Miklas — Wed, 25 Nov 2020 04:30:00 -0700

Listen, we know Thanksgiving this year is kind of sad and probably more than a little lonely. So why don't you do yourself a favor and pop this episode on the speakers in your home and listen to us complain about libertarianism while you enjoy microwavable mashed potatoes by yourself? PLAY ON THANKSGIVING AND PREFERABLY ALONE!

Twitter - @hegelsfriendsim

Instagram - @hegelianfriendshipsimulator

Gmail - hegelianfriendshipsimulator@gmail.com

HFS 5: A Pickle For the Knowing Ones

John Miklas — Sun, 22 Nov 2020 08:30:00 -0700

Mik and Verge go all in on the lovable weirdos and whacky plans.

WikiHoles:

"Timothy Dexter" (Vergel) / "Darien Gap" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 16:00

HFS4: Jim Traficant - Femdom Icon

John Miklas — Mon, 16 Nov 2020 12:00:00 -0700

Mik and Verge discuss whacky shenanigans, political corruption and BDSM.

WikiHoles:

"Other World Kingdom" (Vergel) / "Jim Traficant" (Miklas) / Holes begin at 14:00

HFS 3: Mourir sur les Toilettes à Paris

John Miklas — Mon, 09 Nov 2020 07:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik avoid discuss two completely unrelated and equally tragic medical phenomena.

WikiHoles

"Paris Syndome" (Vergel) / "List of People Who Have Died on the Toilet" (Miklas) / Holes start at 12:01

HFS 2: Many Men Many Miracles

John Miklas — Sun, 08 Nov 2020 16:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik contemplate asparagus pee.

WikiHoles:

"The Miracle of 1511" (Vergel) / "Men Going Their Own Way" (Miklas) / Holes start at 18:45

HFS 1: Chicken Jumping and Frenchmen Empathizing

John Miklas — Sun, 08 Nov 2020 11:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik talk a little bit about their plans with the podcast in oft-convoluted but generally interesting ways.

WikiHoles:

"Empathy in Chickens" (Vergel)
"The Jumping Frenchmen of Maine" (Miklas)
Holes begin at 30:55

Welcome to the Hegelian Friendship Simulator

John Miklas — Sun, 08 Nov 2020 07:00:00 -0700

Verge and Mik jump into their Friendship Simulator and shoot the shit with a verbose guest.