Most of us are told from birth to just “be yourself.” But for an introvert, folks only want you to be yourself to a certain extent. As introverts we are constantly criticized for not doing extrovert stuff. So the theme of this episode is Change vs. Growth.

If you heard the first episode, then you know that I didn’t always know that I was an introvert.  It wasn’t until I got in school, and started hearing about what other kids were doing around the holidays, that I began to realize that my situation was a bit different.

I didn’t know how it was different but I knew it was and one of the areas where I struggle to this day is ordering food.  But the funny part is that every situation is different.

• Fast food restaurants.  I hate them.  Early memories with dad putting me on the spot.
• A sit down restaurant used to be more of a problem but I believe that was because I was shy and not because of being an introvert.

Being an introvert and being shy are 2 different things.  (Explain)

Back to restaurants…as soon as I got my license and a car, boom it was nothing but driver thru.  Other places started getting driver thru’s as well.  Some DMV locations have a drive thru to renew your registration, banks have drive thru’s, you can order items at Walmart and have them taken to your car.  Oh I was a drive thru champion.

As far as fast food restaurants go, I spent years not setting foot inside of those establishments.

What changed?  Girlfriends.

Girlfriends don’t accept a lot of stuff that I had to in order to stay out of fast food restaurants.  For a long time I accepted getting the wrong order.  This seems crazy but if they forgot the cheese, oh well.  They put mayo on it, whatever.  Sometimes I got a burger when I ordered a chicken sandwich…I ate the burger.

But any girlfriend all the way up to my beautiful wife right now, don’t play that.  want their order right.  I used to pulling up to the little speaker box, telling them what I want, pay, snatch the bag and zoom out of there.  By the time I look in the bag, I’m long gone.

Now see, the only thing worse than having to interact with folk about getting my order right, is having to hear my wife complain for 25 minutes about how her food is not what she asked for.  And she doesn’t just say it strongly and it’s done.  She softly says it multiple times, in different ways for the bulk of the meal. 

So I got 2 choices and this just happened to me a few days ago.  I go to the drive thru…do I check while at the window or do I pull to the side and check?  If you check at the window, you got the person in the window staring a hole through your head, holding up their line.  If you pull off to the side, then you have to go in if it’s wrong.

I decided a while back I’ll pull off to the side.  My wife’s order is right most of the time but if I check at the window, i’ll have the drive thru person staring at me every time and I don’t want the people fixing my food to start getting upset with me and saying, “oh it’s that guy again.”  There are only so many places to go in my area and I order the same stuff from each of them so the folks get to know you.

Anyway I ordered my wife a sandwich with cheese and there was no cheese when I checked.  Now i’m mad.  I’m blowing out my mouth like a little kid.  I start getting myself together to go in.  I start thinking, they’re going to make this a big thing when all I need is a slice of cheese on it.  I go in, there’s tons of people in there and they are all staring at me.  I got everyone’s attention for a piece of cheese.

Now by anyone’s account, it was not a big deal.  Gentleman came over, asked if there was something wrong with]]>What’s up yall.  This is Hudson and I’m with you for another episode of “Introvert This.”  In case you don’t know, we are the real silent majority.  A little introvert humor.

If you heard the first episode, then you know that I didn’t always know that I was an introvert.  It wasn’t until I got in school, and started hearing about what other kids were doing around the holidays, that I began to realize that my situation was a bit different.

I didn’t know how it was different but I knew it was and one of the areas where I struggle to this day is ordering food.  But the funny part is that every situation is different.

• Fast food restaurants.  I hate them.  Early memories with dad putting me on the spot.
• A sit down restaurant used to be more of a problem but I believe that was because I was shy and not because of being an introvert.

Being an introvert and being shy are 2 different things.  (Explain)

Back to restaurants…as soon as I got my license and a car, boom it was nothing but driver thru.  Other places started getting driver thru’s as well.  Some DMV locations have a drive thru to renew your registration, banks have drive thru’s, you can order items at Walmart and have them taken to your car.  Oh I was a drive thru champion.

As far as fast food restaurants go, I spent years not setting foot inside of those establishments.

What changed?  Girlfriends.

Girlfriends don’t accept a lot of stuff that I had to in order to stay out of fast food restaurants.  For a long time I accepted getting the wrong order.  This seems crazy but if they forgot the cheese, oh well.  They put mayo on it, whatever.  Sometimes I got a burger when I ordered a chicken sandwich…I ate the burger.

But any girlfriend all the way up to my beautiful wife right now, don’t play that.  want their order right.  I used to pulling up to the little speaker box, telling them what I want, pay, snatch the bag and zoom out of there.  By the time I look in the bag, I’m long gone.

Now see, the only thing worse than having to interact with folk about getting my order right, is having to hear my wife complain for 25 minutes about how her food is not what she asked for.  And she doesn’t just say it strongly and it’s done.  She softly says it multiple times, in different ways for the bulk of the meal. 

So I got 2 choices and this just happened to me a few days ago.  I go to the drive thru…do I check while at the window or do I pull to the side and check?  If you check at the window, you got the person in the window staring a hole through your head, holding up their line.  If you pull off to the side, then you have to go in if it’s wrong.

I decided a while back I’ll pull off to the side.  My wife’s order is right most of the time but if I check at the window, i’ll have the drive thru person staring at me every time and I don’t want the people fixing my food to start getting upset with me and saying, “oh it’s that guy again.”  There are only so many places to go in my area and I order the same stuff from each of them so the folks get to know you.

Anyway I ordered my wife a sandwich with cheese and there was no cheese when I checked.  Now i’m mad.  I’m blowing out my mouth like a little kid.  I start getting myself together to go in.  I start thinking, they’re going to make this a big thing when all I need is a slice of cheese on it.  I go in, there’s tons of people in there and they are all staring at me.  I got everyone’s attention for a piece of cheese.

Now by anyone’s account, it was not a big deal.  Gentleman came over, asked if there was something wrong with my sandwich.  I told him I was missing cheese.  He got it for me and that was that.  No big deal.

All the trouble is in my head.  It’s an attempt by my brain to convince me to just pull off and go home.  “You’ve had enough for today.”  My brain tries to convince me that all hell is going to break loose if I go inside.  And when it’s all done and I remove myself from the situation, that same brain of mine tells me, “see?  It wasn’t a big deal.”  And i’m thinking ‘but you just told me all hell was gonna break loose and now you’re acting like you knew all along.’  That’s how our minds do us.

Now we have food apps so you can order food, go thru the drive thru, give your name and just pick it up.  Perfect for people like me.  Just 6 words.  “Pick up for Hudson” and then “Thank you.”  It should go like that but not where I’m at.

• Some places require you to pick up inside. (Explain.  Joke about how they act like you’re lying when you come in and say you ordered food.)
• Some don’t have the items on the menu. (Explain)

Now sit down restaurants are much better for me now since I’ve gotten older and I’m able to much better manage my shyness.  And my wife is not the type of person to make a scene unnecessarily so it remains a nice intimate setting.

Now there is a 3rd type of restaurant or setting that gives me issues.  I don’t know what word I can use but if you are from Chicago, you know about it.  We have various polish sausage stands throughout the city.  Maxwell street polishes.  Very popular here.  They are fast, consistent, piping hot.  Very bad for you health wise but delicious.

Anyway, everywhere else you go for a meal, the only people you have to interact with are the folk who are giving you the food.  But not at the polish sausage stands.  You are guaranteed to be approached by someone asking for money, someone trying to sell you merchandise, someone trying to buy or sell drugs, someone needing change for a dollar, all before you even get to the window.

In the less than 5 minutes that you are there, you might get enough interaction to completely drain your battery.  Folks, I want a polish so bad but I can’t bring myself to go.

So what do I do to prepare myself for this because I don’t believe, even if I could, that I should avoid the world forever:

• I remind myself that this is routine.  Millions of people order food every day.  Why should this time be different?
• I have my order down pat, including a few possible substitutions if need be.
• Order ahead via an app or website when feasible.  Like I said earlier, that is not possible for some of the places around me.
• A lot of times I order the same thing my wife does to keep down any confusion.  (Explain)
• If I do have to go in, I get myself together in the car. (Explain)

So let me speak to the people who aren’t or at least don’t believe they are introverts.  I’m also speaking to those who try to be someone they’re not because they are ashamed of being an introvert.

You may have heard everything I’ve said earlier and think ‘well, he’s just scared of confrontation.’  Here’s what you have to understand…being an introvert and being scared of confrontation are 2 different things.  They are totally independent of each other.  I try to avoid confrontation because it’s the smart thing to do.  I got kids and i’m not 19 anymore thinking I can beat up the world.

Being an introvert has a lot to do with my battery being drained from constant stimulation from any interaction with the public.  In a lot of cases, some interactions can be more draining than others but for some of us it doesn’t matter the interaction.  It drains our battery just the same.

So after 2 episodes, what a lot of people should be starting to understand is that being an introvert is its own thing.  Earlier I explained that introvert does not equal shy.  I’ve been shy and I know the difference.  When I avoid interaction, it’s moreso because I think someone won’t shut up.  But when I’ve had a chance to fully charge my battery and i’m in a one on one situation, I’ll talk your ear off until i’m ready for a nap.

Also, I explained that introvert does not equal scared.  If someone avoids confrontation because of a fear of it, that is different from someone who just doesn’t have the energy for it.  There are many introverts who would have no problem telling you where to put it…unless they have other things to do and don’t want to use what little energy they have for the outside world on you.

And for anyone who heard some of this and think, ‘wow, maybe i’m an introvert…

With that said, it’s about time for my nap.  So let me thank any listeners out there.  I now have a facebook page so please search for “Introvert This” and follow me there, please because there’s strength in numbers.  Remember, we are the real silent majority.

Until next time!

Books, articles, several publications are starting to report data suggesting that the majority of the world are introverts.  But we’ve always been made to feel that being an introvert was wrong.  And for those who don’t understand this, I grew up in a time where some folks thought that writing with your left hand was wrong.  They would try to get you to go with your right one.  I’m left handed.  My dad had to make many trips up to the school to stop teachers from trying to force me right handed.

What those teachers tried to do to me is exactly what society tries to do with introverts.  Everywhere you go, you’re forced into these social situations.  And the moment you try to take a step back from those situations, not only do extroverts look at you like something is wrong with you but other introverts do too.

It’s like man…my own people.

But slowly, I’m starting to see a change.  But a change like this doesn’t come easy.  It’s going to take a push and I’m stepping a little bit out of my comfort zone to help it along.  And the best way I know how to push right now is to tackle what I believe is the biggest issue for introverts like myself.  And that is leaving behind this feeling that there is something wrong with me.  So let’s jump right in.

It seemed like the perfect time to start this platform because this, in my opinion, is one of the toughest stretches of time for introverts.  The holiday season is just not an easy one.  And it doesn’t matter what you celebrate, the problem is the obligations that come with the holiday season.

So let’s go back in time for me:

• Growing up it was just my dad and me.
• School was always a problem.  Class of 30 students for 6+ hours.
• High School, I started reaching my breaking point.  Little relief when I switched schools.
• College: I craved the moments when my roommate was away.

So in each of those stages, how the holidays hit me was a little different but manageable.

Everything changed when I left college, and more specifically, whenever I would have serious relationships.

The Family

Problems with the Family around the holidays

• You have to go.
• You have to stay.
• You have to talk.
• The elder’s table.

My Wife’s family is awesome.

So what do I do when these holidays come around?

• I don’t get much rest the night before.  Not by choice, kids.  But it works to my advantage.
• I’m always willing to run the errands.
• My kids act as a buffer.
• I strategically move around.
• I interact with them on social media.
• Recharge time.

Look, I don’t think the holidays will ever not be a tough time for me.  Feeling that pressure from the beginning of October on thru the New Year takes a lot out of me.  And the guilt to go along with it.  Like i’ve said, it’s hard not to feel like something is wrong with you because you don’t want to be around people during the holidays.  And you don’t want to hurt your loved ones because a lot of people could easily take that in the wrong way.

Like anything else there’s levels to this.  I think i’m on the extreme end of the introvert spectrum but who really knows.  But at some point in time I suspect every introvert out there has thought they were extreme.  But what I do know is that we are introverts and we are the true silent majority in this county.

Until next time, this is Hudson going to lay down and recharge my batteries.

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