The 3 Lessons

#1There are 2 ways to reproach someone. Either by making them feel small or by pointing out how this isn't befitting for someone of your stature, thereby raising how they feel about themselves while also showing them a new way in which to conduct themselves. (Shlah Hakodosh)

#2People are at different places emotionally at different times. When one is a good mood they may be more receptive to your reminders for more appropriate behavior. Do it when they feel hopeful about themselves and able to properly digest your message without taking it personal.(Ohr Hachaim)

#3 Find an indirect way to do it. Don't call them out directly, say it in a general way.

When Hashem commanded Bnei Yisroel to take revenge against Midyan, He told Moshe Rabbeinu that after this war, his mission in this world would be complete and he would pass on. Upon realizing that Moshe’s passing was tied to their success in battle, Bnei Yisroel hesitated to go to war—not out of fear, but out of a deep love for Moshe. They wanted to delay the war and prolong Moshe’s life as much as possible.

Rashi (Bamidbar 31:5) points out how remarkable this is: “See how beloved the shepherd is to his flock! Until now, Moshe felt threatened that Bnei Yisroel wanted to kill him, blaming him for their troubles in the desert. Now, when they realize he’s about to die, they want to do everything possible to keep him alive.”

The Shlah Hakadosh asks, why is it a praise that up until now, Moshe felt threatened that Bnei Yisroel wanted to kill him? That doesn't show love at all!

There was once a man in a shtetl who approached the local matchmaker and asked, “Find me a wife who is always happy, who always sees the positive in life.” The matchmaker found him such a woman, and they married. But not long after, she began to voice her disappointments and frustrations. Confused, the man returned to the matchmaker, saying, “I thought you promised me a wife who is always happy!” The matchmaker replied, “She is always happy. The fact that she shares her complaints with you means she trusts you deeply. She believes you are the one who can help her, so she brings her problems to you.”

So too with Bnei Yisroel and Moshe Rabbeinu. When they complained and brought their grievances to Moshe, it wasn’t a sign of disrespect. On the contrary, they saw Moshe as the one person who could help them, who cared about their pain and could bring their concerns before Hashem. Their complaints were, in a sense, a compliment—they trusted Moshe and looked to him as their address for every problem. It was only when Moshe’s passing became imminent that their true intentions were revealed to all. Their desire to prolong his life showed that their complaints stemmed from a deep relationship of trust and love.

When we read through the stories in the Torah about all the times the Jews were complaining, we wonder what was wrong with that generation. Weren’t they holy? Now we understand that this was actually a great act of trust they were showing. And so too, in our lives, when a child or spouse complains to us, realize that you are the person they trust most!

-Article on boredom From Rabbi Yaakov Barr MSc as featured in Mispacha Magazine Issue#1110 Titled: Don't Dodge Boredom ,It Unlocks the Brain

The Beis Yaakov of Alexander explains that the phrase “that he did” emphasizes that the thief must not only confess to the act of stealing but also address the underlying jealousy that prompted the theft. The additional wording highlights the unchecked urge of jealousy as the true motivator for the act of stealing, and thus, an additional confession is necessary.

We can understand this better by using an analogy of visiting a doctor. When you visit a doctor you don't merely want a prescription for your symptoms; we expect the doctor to identify and address the root cause of our ailment. Similarly, the thief should not only confess to the act of stealing but also confront the underlying issue, which in this case is jealousy.

Consider a scenario where you feel slighted by a coworker at work, leaving you hurt without an opportunity to resolve it. Returning home, you might find your child making a mess, and in a moment of frustration, you react disproportionately. Upon regaining your composure, it’s obvious that you need to mend the hurt caused by your outburst, but we are now learning that you also need to recognize that your anger stemmed from the unresolved hurt from work.

The next time we face a challenge, rather than merely extinguishing the flames of our mistakes, let us strive to identify their origins and address them at the source.

Idea from Rav Elya Lopian ZT''L

This week's Torah Portion introduces another way to spice up our gratitude: Looking at the Before and After in life. Notice how your life was before you received the gift and after, see how much better life is.

This week we learn how the jews were counted. One of the reasons given is for the jews to reflect how far they came in such a short time. Going from a nation of 70 to over 600,000. 

There was a pauper who one day struck it rich. Every year on the anniversary of the windfall he would make a huge party inviting the whole city. Besides for having the best food and drink with a band for everyone to enjoy, he had this custom where he put on the rags from the days from when he was a pauper. This was to remind him of his past and how his life changed in such an extreme way.

So the next time we have what to be grateful for, instead of just noticing the good we received, add to that reflecting on how much our life has been transformed  for the better because of the gift that was given to us.

 Idea based on a Ramban on Parshas Bamidbar

Most of us associate prohibitions as something which deprives us of a life of freedom. Like, why cant I just do what i want?!

If you were to observe the lifestyle of King Charles , it will appear to you as if the king has no freedom. He cant bring muddy boots into the palace, He always has to dress perfectly. Such a lifestyle seems unbreathable.

But you know that the King's life is far from a stifling life, so how do you make sense of your observation?

The answer is, royalty demands higher standards. When the Royal Family avoids junk foods its not because they're depriving themselves , its because they appreciate living a more aristocratic life

Same with our spirituality, we are choosing to live a regal life by staying away from spiritually harmful behaviors. We are a higher class and appreciate finer things. We realize who we are.

With this perspective in mind, the next time we encounter a prohibition in our life ,instead of focusing on how annoying it is that I can't engage in the behavior we can instead see it as an opportunity to recognize my inner royalty.

Idea based on Ohr HaChaim on Parshas Emor 

When the Torah prohibits cutting your body in agony over the loss of a relative it says "you shall not make a cut in your "flesh""(Leviticus 19-28)

In the same verse when it prohibits tattooing oneself it says "a tattoo you shall  not place on yourselves"" .It does not say on your "flesh"

Why the different wording ?

The Ohr HaChaim explains, the Creator in his great compassion takes into account the mourner's distress and lessens the spiritual damage that this sin causes. The word "flesh" implies the effect of the sin is only external.

Whereas by tattoo a person usually not under distress so the Torah says ,don't cause damage to "yourselves". By doing the sin with full composure one's sin is causing damage to "yourselves" - your inner essence.      

2 things that I took out of this Ohr HaChaim:

#1: We see that if the  Creator takes into account our pain and  distress and lessens the spiritual damage that it causes , then surely if we don't give into the urge and pass the test or we do Mitzvos  even when we are in distress than surely we get tremendous reward. As our Sages tell us "depending on the pain/effort that's how much reward". And "One act in pain is better than 100 acts without".

#2: If the Creator takes into consideration our full picture ,then we should do that for our friends. When our friend wrongs us instead of writing him off as an evil, insensitive person, we could look at his full picture and realize he might be going through something difficult right now.

One day we decide we no longer want to speak gossip. Inspired to become a person who only speaks positively about others, we promise to never speak negatively again.

 Not realizing how ingrained the habit of gossip is within us ,we start  slipping up. Feeling like a failure  we give up and just go back to our old ways.

Well, what if the secret to becoming more spiritual is taking small steps and not big ones?

On the other hand reminding ourselves of our past successes can give us strength to take on new challenges.

As we see in the Torah the Creator tells the Jewish people that "you" can take on a life of morality and holiness because in the past "you" lived holy and pure lives. The Creator was reminding them of their past success of a time while they were in Egypt and the jews on their own decided to lead holy and moral lives.

The Creator was telling them "I know living a clean life is an almost an impossible goal ,at the same time you have this very special strength which you attained while pursuing holiness in Egypt ". Basically, you have it in you!  

Idea from The Piaseczna Z''ya & the Sefer Hachinuch on Parshas Metzora

It's embarrassing when you're less than average in your self-control. No matter how hard you try you keep on losing to your urges. You look around and it seems as if your friends don't share the same impulses as you. You start feeling ashamed for who you are and see no good in your "weak" nature.

Well, what if this nature of yours is precisely the thing that is bringing you closer to G-D.

Moses wasn't able to donate to the tabernacle because he had no issue departing from his money, so it wouldn't be meaningful to G-D. It was only the regular Jew who struggled to give from his money that the Creator saw his sacrifice and cherished the donation.

So, in our lives when we notice that we're weaker than the rest and we struggle mightily to pass our tests, the Creator is noticing our efforts. It's more meaningful to Him.

The person to whom it comes easy to isn't sacrificing anything to pass this test, so he isn't showing as much dedication as the to one who it comes hard to

Idea from Shem M'Shmuel

Idea from The Lechovitcher Zy"a.

Reason #2: We each have our own perception of things and our point of view can be inspiring to others.

Idea from Beis Avrohom of Slomin Zy"a.

Idea from Beis Avrohom Of Slomin Zy"a.

Idea from Ohr Hachaim and Imrei Emes

https://www.traumatherapistinstitute.com/blog/Co-Regulation-of-the-Autonomic-Nervous-System

Idea from the Imrei Emes 

For Parshas Mishpatim

Idea from Rav Dessler 

For Parshas Shemos

Can I wear my suit before it’s been checked?

We discussed the materials. But how do the wool and linen need to be combined to be problematic?

Is it Sewing, twisting or weaving that creates the Shatnez?

The Halachos are very relevant, but also very obscure.

The very first question to address is, which materials consist of Shatnez? Is it only wool and linen, or is it broader?

Join R’ Melamed as he explores and elucidates these Halachos.