A conversation on identity, belonging, and the courage to build a career that doesn’t look right on paper but feels right in your life.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, I’m joined by coach and podcast host Fiorenza Rossini to explore identity, belonging, and the unexpected turns our careers can take. From financial engineering to full-time coaching, Fiorenza shares what it means to step away from “safe” career paths and build a life that aligns with your values.

We talk about the psychology of belonging, multicultural identity, working parenthood, and why so many of us feel like we don’t quite fit until we find the right spaces.

If you’ve ever questioned your career, your direction, or where you belong, this conversation will feel like a deep exhale.

We cover:

• Career pivots and “non-linear” success
• Identity shifts (especially motherhood and work)
• The psychology of belonging and community
• Why traditional paths don’t fit everyone
• What actually drives fulfilment (hint: not just money)

Drawing on ideas like the double hermeneutic from Anthony Giddens and reflexive approaches to qualitative research, I reflect on what it means to ask questions that might shift how someone understands their own experience.

As an insider researcher studying online communities I belong to, this raises a deeper question: what trace does research leave behind?

This episode explores:

• Why interviews are not neutral data collection tools
• How questions can shape reflection and self-understanding
• The role of reflexivity in qualitative research
• The ethical tension between insight and influence
• What happens when someone thinks something for the first time… out loud

If you’re a researcher, writer, coach, or simply curious about how we make sense of our experiences, this episode invites you to listen a little more closely to the pauses.

When everything shifts at once, home, body, identity, what does it take to rebuild a sense of safety and self? Leila Ainge and Emma Seville explore menopause, midlife transitions, and the psychology of starting over.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, psychologist Leila Ainge speaks with menopause coach Emma Seville about navigating unexpected life changes, financial precarity, ADHD, and the psychological impact of midlife transitions. Together, they explore agency, belonging, and how women can reclaim ageing as a powerful, identity-shaping experience.

My first study is collecting data through a series of interviews with women and community hosts across two online communities where I’m also a paying member. These are spaces I didn’t join as a researcher, but as someone looking for connection, support, and belonging in independent work.

Alongside the research itself, I’ll be keeping a series of blog posts as part of my reflexivity practice. These posts will sit under a little series I’m calling Field Notes (from the Inside) reflections on researching communities I belong to, in real time.

Together they explore the psychology of resilience, identity and adaptation when life doesn’t follow the plan we imagined. Femke shares how major life transitions – moving countries, career pivots, motherhood and COVID-era uncertainty – ultimately led her to create the Merry-go-round Club, a sustainable baby equipment rental service designed to support parents and reduce waste.

This conversation explores how unexpected change can strengthen confidence, reshape identity and open the door to meaningful work.

Topics include resilience, entrepreneurship, motherhood, community support, and the psychology of adapting when life throws curveballs.

Femke Harris: "I'm a third culture kid, mother, founder and former international operations lead. I’ve lived and worked across Hong Kong, Belgium, the UK, Afghanistan and France including senior roles managing sales strategy in APAC and logistics contracts in complex environments. Along the way I’ve navigated motherhood, global relocations, and major life transitions, and more recently founded my own business. My path has been defined less by planning and more by adaptation.”

https://merrygoround.club/

In this episode, I’m joined by horticultural therapist Kendall Marie Platt to explore the science behind soil, why getting your hands in the dirt can change your mood, and how gardening might help us regulate stress in ways modern life often forgets.

And in many ways, Kendall’s story captures the spirit of this season’s theme: expect the unexpected. From forensic science labs to flowers and soil, her journey is a reminder that sometimes the paths we never planned are the ones that reconnect us with what really matters.

Kendall Marie Platt is a horticultural therapist and founder of Adventures with Flowers. She combines horticultural therapy with sensory-led garden design to help people use gardening as a practical antidote to burnout. Through her membership The Seed, 1:1 programmes and garden-along sessions, she helps people create restorative spaces that support both body and mind.

She is a writer, speaker and facilitator who has appeared on This Morning, BBC Radio and in publications including The Independent, The Telegraph, Happiful and Reclaim. www.adventureswithflowers.com/aboutkendall

Leila Ainge is a psychologist, researcher and coach who helps people use psychology to work with more clarity, confidence and joy. Her work brings together research, reflection and practical insight so you can use evidence in ways that make sense for you.

More details at www.leilaainge.co.uk

Emma shares how a community project had to pause due to unforeseen circumstances and teases us with a new book project!. Lucy reflects on launching her programme Good Company, which sparked strong interest but fewer sales than expected, leading her to adapt the offer and rethink how clients take their first steps into corporate work.

Across the conversation, a common theme emerges: the process of pursuing goals generates insight, momentum, and new opportunities. Both coaches discover that experimentation, reflection, and small pivots are valuable.

The episode explores the psychology behind this, including anticipated failure, experimentation, and the role of community and accountability in sustaining progress. Ultimately, the takeaway is simple when you pursue a goal, the real reward is often what you learn along the way.

Together they explore:

• Why momentum matters more than motivation

• How perfectionismblocks progress (and how to move anyway)

• The psychology of getting out of your comfort zone from running faster to showing up online

• Why community support accelerates confidence and behaviour change

• How small actions create belief, not the other way around

• Letting go of “gatekeepers” and reframing rejection

• Using goals as direction, not pressure

You’ll hear:

Hannah share how pushing past “safe effort” transformed her running

Jen open up about visibility fears, tech discomfort, and building connection in business from the ground up.

Darren reflect on perfectionism, creative momentum, community collaboration and turning setbacks into progress.

Leila weaves in psychological insights around effort, behaviour change, self-criticism, resource conservation, social comparison and why progress rarely looks linear.

If you’ve ever:

• Set a goal and felt stuck straight after

• Waited to feel confident before acting

• Struggled with perfectionism or fear of visibility

• Wondered why progress feels slower than expected

This episode will help you understand what’s really happening in your brain and how to work with it rather than against it.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, psychologist Leila Ainge checks back in with three creatives who set goals on the podcast weeks earlier, Graphic Designer Bhavini, Animator Duncan and Documentary Maker Dany. Instead of tidy success stories, you’ll hear what goal pursuit looks like in real life, confidence rising and dipping, perfectionism showing up, comparison creeping in, and plans changing shape.

Through honest reflection and psychological insight, this episode explores why confidence doesn’t grow in a straight line, how visibility reduces fear over time, and why setbacks and pivots are often signs of progress rather than failure.

If you’re navigating imposter feelings, struggling with comparison, or wondering why motivation feels inconsistent, this episode offers reassurance and a more realistic picture of change.

This episode explores avoidance crafting, impatience, burnout, and how goals, habits, and mental distance shape real progress especially in January.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, Leila explores the intricacies of human behavior, particularly focusing on the themes of resolutions, goals, and habits. She discusses the common pitfalls of New Year's resolutions, the importance of understanding the difference between resolutions and goals, and how habits play a crucial role in achieving these goals. Leila also delves into the impact of social comparison on our progress and introduces the concept of mental distance as a strategy to combat burnout and maintain motivation. The episode emphasizes the importance of community support and self-compassion in the journey towards personal development.

takeaways

• January often feels like the longest month of the year.
• Resolutions are declarations linked to identity and values.
• Goals provide structure and direction for achieving resolutions.
• Habits require time to show their impact and rewards.
• Impatience can lead to negative feelings about progress.
• Social comparison can intensify feelings of uncertainty.
• Mental distance can protect against burnout.
• Avoidance crafting can be a strategic approach to stress.
• Community support can enhance motivation and accountability.
• Self-compassion is crucial in the goal-setting process.

Leila's Research Services.

From fast-turnaround, tailored insight report for freelancers, founders, and thoughtful doers who want evidence-backed answers, to retained services to support your PR messaging as you launch

You bring the questions and curiosity, I bring back a bespoke, research-informed insights packed with plain-language psychology, strategic prompts, and deep, usable clarity. It’s not theory for theory’s sake. It’s practical insight you can apply immediately.

head to www.leilaainge.co.uk

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, I explore why goals often become unsustainable not because of a lack of motivation or discipline, but because they’re designed for ideal conditions rather than real life.

Drawing on psychology, environmental thinking, and embodied cognition, we look at how our physical and emotional environments quietly shape what we’re able to sustain long before willpower ever comes into play.

You’ll be introduced to the concept of solastalgia, a term that describes the distress we feel when the places we call home change in ways that feel out of our control. Originally coined by environmental philosopher Glenn Albrecht, solastalgia helps us put language to a sense of discomfort many of us feel right now — at home, at work, and in the wider world.

We also explore:

1. Why goal-setting advice often assumes a resource-neutral world
2. How embodied cognition explains the link between clutter, noise, uncertainty and mental fatigue
3. Why living in a brittle, anxious, non-linear environment (often described as BANI or VUCA) quietly drains our capacity
4. How Conservation of Resources theory reframes burnout, confidence loss, and stalled momentum
5. Why sustainability isn’t the opposite of ambition — it’s the condition that allows momentum to exist

Rather than asking “How much more can I push?”, this episode invites a different question:

What can my current environment realistically support without depletion?

You’ll leave with two practical reflections to help you:

1. Name your real working environment (without minimising it)
2. Redesign your goals so they create more resources than they consume

This episode is especially relevant if you’re:

1. Feeling stuck or depleted despite caring about your goals
2. Parenting, creating, caregiving, coaching, or leading in uncertain conditions
3. Questioning whether the problem is you — or the system you’re operating within

Find out more about booking me as a researcher for hire at www.leilaainge.co.uk

Dany’s story is one of dual passions: 25 years in business transformation and data, and a lifelong pull toward storytelling, creativity, and human rights. Her PhD bridges those worlds, exploring how data harvesting and AI shape the human rights landscape — and how documentary can help everyday people join conversations that usually happen behind closed doors.

But 2026 isn’t about theory. It’s about exposure.

The kind she’s avoided for years.

Dany openly shares her “abject fear of judgment,” the reason projects from New York still sit on a hard drive, and why this year must be different. Her measure of success? Not just making a film — but submitting it to the festival circuit.

Emma describes the year ahead as a “cupboard under the stairs” moment — the kind of messy-but-essential reorganisation that requires everything to come out before the clarity goes back in. We talk about the three strands of her work (Managing the Menopause, The Triple Shift coaching practice, and Holding Up the Sky) and the emotional labour of running a multi-offer business while supporting women in some of life’s most demanding seasons.

• Why her goal isn’t just tidying — it’s coherence, identity, and focus
• Her habit of “shiny object syndrome” and the insecurity that sometimes sits beneath it
• How under the surface, the real 2026 goal is growing her corporate coaching practice
• The tension between doing what feels easy (reorganising) vs what moves the business forwards (sales & outreach)
• Why a focus group may be the missing piece in her coherence puzzle

Emma shares the three actions she’ll take by the end of January

This is a thoughtful, honest conversation about visibility, intentionality, and the very human temptation to do the parts of business that feel soothing instead of the ones that feel stretching.

If you’re navigating growth, clarity, or identity shifts in your business, this one will feel like a cup of tea, a deep exhale, and a nudge forward.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, Leila Ainge sits down with creative designer Bhavini (B81 Designs) to explore the psychology behind creative confidence, self-worth, and setting goals that stretch you.

Bhavini shares the now-iconic story of her childhood Peter Rabbit — the rainbow-drenched sculpture her mum repainted white — and how that moment shaped her creative identity decades later. It becomes a powerful metaphor for self-expression, suppression, and the courage to show the work you’re proud of.

💡 What’s inside this episode

• How childhood experiences quietly shape creative identity
• Why sharing your work feels terrifying — even when clients love it
• The difference between confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth
• How fear of rejection stops creatives from posting their work
• The “imagined audience” and why visibility feels risky
• Practical strategies for building a habit of sharing
• Why accountability, community, and collaboration matter
• How one difficult client situation derailed Bhavini’s motivation
• The value of starting a goal that’s really about self-worth, not perfection

🎯 Bhavini’s 2026 Goal

To share more of her design work online ,consistently, visibly, and beyond her comfort zone , and to build self-worth by doing the thing she’s been avoiding.

With tools like the Rejection Challenge, a bingo card of self-sabotage phrases, and reframing portfolio updates as self-worth time, the episode shows what it looks like to set a goal that genuinely grows you.

🧠 Why this episode matters

If you’ve ever hesitated to show your work, doubted your abilities, or worried about being judged online, this conversation will land deeply. It’s about identity, self-expression, and the quieter psychology behind creative careers.

🔗 Mentioned

• B81 Designs (Bhavini)
• Doing It For the Kids Community
• Being Freelance
• Liz Mosley & The Rejection Challenge
• Hannah Isted

🚀 Join the 2026 Goal Sprint

Want your own ambitious, exciting 2026 goal — the kind that assumes you can grow from day one? Join Leila’s 60-minute live Goal Sprint.

www.leilaainge.co.uk/goalsprint

Together, they explore how ambitious stretch goals like scaling a marketing membership and finishing the London Marathon in a faster time, require the same core ingredients: consistency, accountability, community, and strategic planning.

This conversation blends the worlds of business growth, running, and mindset coaching, showing how transferable skills like contingency planning, habit building, and overcoming self-sabotage can fuel both entrepreneurial success and marathon training.

Hannah shares the motivation behind her bold business goals, the momentum built over four years of consistent work, and the commitment to focusing solely on membership growth. She also talks about how a strong community, from her business audience to her running partners, keeps her accountable and inspired.

Switching gears into marathon training, Leila and Hannah explore the running mindset, the role of audiobooks and podcasts in staying motivated, the importance of “time on feet,” and why you don’t need to reinvent the wheel in training. They discuss everything from speed work, consistency, and progress tracking to the quiet ways self-sabotage can creep into big goals.

Whether you're an entrepreneur scaling a community, a runner training for a marathon, or someone trying to build better habits in your everyday life, this episode is full of practical insights, inspiring stories, and grounded strategies.

We talk about what it means to set a goal that has social impact. Lucy’s ambition is grounded in something practical: helping more women secure meaningful contracts and build financially independent businesses.

This is a grounded, thoughtful conversation about the kind of goal that changes not just a business, but the people around it. If you’re setting your own 2026 intentions, Lucy’s clarity and ambition might be exactly the nudge you need.

SOCIAL MEDIA & WEBSITE LINKS

www.lucygreen.net

https://www.instagram.com/lucygreencoaching/

Duncan shares his 16-year journey in animation and visual effects, why he’s shifting toward a premium service model, and what launching a new showreel by December will unlock for his growth in 2026. We dig into the psychology of social proof, the realities of client outreach.

If you’re a freelancer, creative, or independent figuring out success on your terms — with fewer clients, better boundaries, and a clearer plan — this episode will leave you feeling seen.

In this episode, psychologist Leila Ainge explores the psychology behind effective goal-setting — blending insights from real conversations with three guests and research on motivation, social identity, and resilience.

You’ll hear how Rebecca, Jen, and Darren each navigate creative ambition, self-belief, and belonging, and how their stories reveal the deeper psychological forces shaping success.

Expect practical reflection points on:

• The difference between approach and avoidance motivation
• Why flexible four-week check-ins outperform rigid plans
• How your social identity shapes confidence and action
• What it means to design goals that fit who you’re becoming

This is your psychology-backed guide to setting goals that work with your identity, not against it.

Ready to stop guessing what’s driving your goals?

Download your free Goal Reflection Log — the first exercise from my psychology-backed coaching framework — and start your next check-in, not check-up.

Create space to think before the new year rush and design goals that actually fit who you’re becoming.

👉 www.leilaainge.co.uk/coaching

Darren’s 2026 goal is to grow his business from a solo studio into a collaborative creative brand — one that celebrates homes, buildings, and the stories that make them meaningful. Together, he and Leila unpack what it means to balance ambition with authenticity, to manage fear of failure, and to build systems strong enough to hold a bigger vision.

This conversation explores:

• How our sense of place shapes identity and purpose
• Why flexibility and structure are both essential for creative growth
• The inner voice that whispers “Who do you think you are?”
• legitimacy, belonging, and self-belief in business

If you’ve ever tried to scale a business, start a creative project, or make your work feel real in the eyes of others, Darren’s story will resonate.

🎧 Listen for practical insight, honest reflection, and a reminder that success isn’t just built — it’s believed.

Together they explore what it really takes to move from wanting to doing — overcoming procrastination, creating time, and building habits that last. Rebecca shares how shifting her mindset, using community support, and redefining success are helping her take the first steps toward authorship.

This episode looks closely at the psychology of writing goals, the myth of the “perfect time,” and how accountability and self-compassion can turn creative aspirations into action.

Plus, stay tuned for a sneak preview of next week’s guest, Darren Scotland, who shares his big ambition for 2026

Key Themes

• Goal setting and mindset shifts
• Overcoming procrastination
• Time management
• Writing habits and creative discipline
• Accountability and community support

www.leilaainge.co.uk

Together, they unpack what happens when care is your craft: how to claim space, ask for fair payment, and show up as your whole self without feeling like you’ve lost something in the process.

We follow Jen as she sets her first 2026 “goal-resolution”:

1. Claim space and set clearer boundaries
2. Ask for testimonials and feedback
3. Experiment with authentic marketing that reflects who she really is

If you’ve ever found it uncomfortable to be paid for the work you love, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at the psychology behind self-worth and the art of being visible.

Key themes

• The psychology of pricing and self-worth
• Feminine identity in business and creative work
• Authentic marketing vs. performance
• Balancing nurture with ambition
• Setting goals that feel true to you

Call to Action

Leila’s goal for 2026 is to double the number of listeners who tune in each week.

Share this episode with two friends or colleagues and ask them:

“What’s your goal for 2026?”

www.leilaainge.co.uk/coaching

Listeners will hear how gendered expectations and internalised narratives shape pricing decisions, confidence, and self-presentation — and why women often soften their ambition in order to belong. Leila highlights the gap between what women say they value and how they behave in practice, revealing how context, impression management, and identity dynamics influence those choices.

This episode explores:

• The cultural scripts that link likability with being underpaid
• Why “being nice” can quietly undermine business growth
• How impression management and belonging shape what women say (and don’t say) about money
• The emotional labour of performing goodness in business
• How psychological safety influences conversations about profit and success

And as a bonus, listeners also get a first sneak preview of the two goal-setters joining Leila for Season 4 of Psychologically Speaking, where she follows real people working towards their 2026 goals

references and links

Mazzei, L. A. (2003). Inhabited Silences: In Pursuit of a Muffled Subtext. Qualitative Inquiry, 9(3), 355–368.

Morison, T., & Macleod, C. (2014). When veiled silences speak: reflexivity, trouble and repair as methodological tools for interpreting the unspoken in discourse-based data. Qualitative Research: QR, 14(6), 694–711

www.leilaainge.co.uk/research

Plus—Leila shares exciting news about Season 4 of Psychologically Speaking and a live Joy Experiment you can join to put the science of joy into action.

We talk about what happens when women step in front of the camera: the nerves, the joy, the shift in self-image that can follow. Our conversation ranges from the pressures of social media filters to the liberation of candid photography, and why authenticity is such a powerful antidote to perfection.

Karen also shares the story behind the Passion and Purpose Club, a community she created to bring women together during the isolation of COVID a space that’s grown into a source of connection, courage, and inspiration.

This episode is about more than photos. It’s about women reclaiming visibility, finding freedom in aging, and choosing to show up as ourselves even when the world is telling us otherwise.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• How photography can help women be seen and celebrated authentically
• Why Karen built the Passion and Purpose Club and how it continues to empower women
• The double-edged impact of social media on self-image
• How candid shots can unlock genuine joy and self-acceptance
• Why visibility matters so much for women in life and business
• The unexpected freedom that comes with aging and self-reflection
• The role of community in breaking isolation and boosting confidence

Karen is a photographer working exclusively with women across the UK who are following their passions, be it running their own business, a cause or a creative pursuit. A fierce feminist, she loves to challenge both how we show up in the world and how we as women are viewed in it, and uses photography to empower women to embrace who they truly are. In 2021 she founded a community for women called the Passion & Purpose Club that brings women together to inspire each other and get fresh photos on a monthly basis, increasing their visibility together. Clubs are now operating across the North of England and London with more to come. Find out more at www.withpassionandpurpose.co.uk

Hannah Isted is the founder of HI Communications, supporting small business owners with their marketing.

She is the author of The Best 90 Days Ever, an Amazon bestselling book and marketing membership. It shares a quick, daily prompt that shows businesses how to promote what they do in just 10 minutes a day and make it simple, easy and fun. 

She has worked with hundreds of small business owners, helping them to increase their online presence through her membership, courses and workshops. In her email newsletter and podcast The Best Marketing Podcast Ever, she shares marketing advice to help product and service businesses get out of their own way and consistently promote themselves. 

Find her on Instagram @hicommunications_ or her website www.hicommunications.co.uk.

Katie Elliott is a CIPD qualified HR consultant and the founder of HR Katie. She has spent more than a decade working in HR, starting in recruitment before moving into a generalist role where she gained experience in every aspect of people management, from onboarding and supporting managers with complex issues to leading projects for senior teams.

In 2021, Katie set up her own consultancy after realising her passion for working with start-ups and small businesses. Through HR Katie, she now helps founders and business owners feel confident about their responsibilities as employers and create workplaces where people are happy, supported and able to thrive.

Katie’s approach is hands on and human, with a focus on values led culture and practical HR that makes sense in the real world.

For more information, head to www.leilaainge.co.uk or https://www.hrkatie.co.uk/

I share some reflections on mindset, what it really takes to do hard things, and how I’ve been finding my way back to the joy of running after losing it for a while.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, slowed down, or unsure how to keep going, this one’s for you. Think of it as a moving conversation, part psychology, part personal update, and hopefully a gentle nudge for your own goals too.

Listen now and run, walk, or sit with me for under ten minutes.

Takeaways

• Imposter experiences are contextual and can be influenced by our environment.
• The imposter cycle includes over-preparing, over-achieving, and feeling relief instead of joy.
• Self-promotion can be challenging for women due to societal expectations and fear of backlash.
• Peer comparison often leads to negative emotions like envy and irritation.
• Communities can transform peer relationships into supportive connections.
• Reframing comparison can turn threats into sources of inspiration.
• Joy should be viewed as a fuel for motivation, not a reward to be earned.
• Turning envy into curiosity can help mitigate negative feelings.
• Supporting other women's successes can create a safer environment for all.
• Recognizing and celebrating joy is essential for personal growth and empowerment.

Leila delves into the concept of joy, distinguishing it from happiness and exploring its complexities. She discusses various psychological theories of joy, including the broaden and build theory, flow theory, and self-determination theory, while also highlighting the limitations of these theories, particularly in relation to neurodivergent experiences. Ainge introduces a new perspective on autistic joy, emphasizing the importance of creating environments that allow autistic individuals to thrive. The episode also reflects on the emotional weight of joy, using art as a lens to explore how joy coexists with responsibilities and challenges. There are coaching prompts at the end of the episode. To access all of the podcast resources visit www.leilaainge.co.uk/joy

Lisa Honiball started her career in the corporate world, spending 10 years at Microsoft before a health scare prompted her to re-assess and re-train. She ran her own design practice – and has over 14 years’ experience working on residential and commercial projects.. Five years ago, she pivoted again - this time to support other designers through mentoring, coaching, and her online membership, Interior Design Insiders. Lisa’s mission is to help interior designers build businesses that support them financially, practically, and creatively - without the burnout. She encourages a shift toward a calmer, more sustainable way of doing business—rooted in clarity, collaboration, and joy.

http://www.interiordesigninsiders.com/

http://www.leilaainge.co.uk

• Brand strategy is about the soul of who we are.
• Ideas want to come into the world and need to be nurtured.
• Lifestyle changes can lead to unexpected joy and creativity.
• Boredom can enhance creativity by allowing space for new ideas.
• Rituals and routines are essential for grounding and joy.
• The importance of a supportive environment for personal growth.
• Mindfulness is key in navigating life changes.
• Finding joy in small daily rituals can enhance overall happiness.
• Place and attachment significantly influence our identities.
• Embracing change can lead to personal and professional growth.

https://www.beautifuluseful.co/

https://www.leilaainge.co.uk

We’ll explore:

• The science behind joy, including Broaden-and-Build Theory
• How joy supports identity, motivation, and social connection

Real stories, guest interviews, and solo episodes that dig into joy’s role in creativity, leadership, and everyday life

If you're curious about the psychology of joy, identity, and the subtle ways we shape our lives this season is for you.

🎧 Listen now and subscribe to get weekly episodes on joy, work, creativity, and human behaviour.

She shares listener insights, one reader’s poetic take on language and liminality, and introduces the psychology of emotional granularity (via Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett) to help us name and navigate our emotional states with more clarity.

Plus: practical tools for neurodivergent listeners, thoughts on joy as a breadcrumb—not a reward and a first look at Season 3: The Joy Experiments.

If you’ve felt in-between lately… this one’s for you.

I explore how our reading habits reflect something deeper: a psychological tendency to stay safe, to avoid uncertainty, and to hold ourselves back from fully stepping into new knowledge. Drawing on research around word retrieval, loss aversion, and socioemotional selectivity theory, I unpack what it means to sit in the space between knowing and doing – and why that space seems to grow as we get older.

From my experience hosting Psych at the Mic for the British Psychological Society, to reading hilarious bedtime stories with my nine-year-old, I reflect on how curiosity, language, and even self-doubt shape the way we learn, lead, and show up in the world.

This is an episode for anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed by information, unsure whether they “know enough,” or stuck between intention and action. It’s also a quiet nudge to slow down, ask questions, and give ourselves permission to still be learners – even in the middle of our careers.

Whether you're skimming, overthinking, or saying yes to too much (guilty!), there's something in here for you.

www.leilaainge.co.uk

takeaways

• Tiredness can stem from various sources, not just physical exhaustion.
• Emotional tiredness often arises from holding space for others and people-pleasing.
• Social tiredness can be exacerbated by overstimulation and group dynamics.
• Creative tiredness is common among those in creative roles or entrepreneurship.
• Spiritual tiredness relates to a loss of meaning or connection to purpose.
• Physical tiredness is often linked to disrupted sleep and illness.
• Mental tiredness can result from decision fatigue and overthinking.
• Rest is essential for maintaining energy and preventing burnout.
• Self-compassion can help us face our tiredness without the need to fix it immediately.
• Making intentional decisions can help manage the mental load we carry.

tiredness, human behavior, psychology, emotional exhaustion, mental fatigue, decision making, self-compassion, entrepreneurship, identity, rest

summary

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, Leila explores the intricate relationship between human behavior and the use of lists. She delves into why we love lists, the psychological benefits they provide, and the potential pitfalls that can lead to overwhelm. The conversation also touches on the unique challenges faced by individuals with ADHD when managing lists, the importance of structuring lists effectively, and the distinction between lists that serve to prove oneself versus those that promote genuine progress. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own to-do lists and consider how they can align their tasks with their true goals and values.

takeaways

• Lists help us organize thoughts and create structure.
• Cognitive ease makes lists appealing for memory.
• Quick gratification from ticking off tasks is satisfying.
• Cultural conditioning influences our relationship with lists.
• Lists can simplify complexity and provide clarity.
• ADHD can complicate the effectiveness of lists.
• The serial position effect impacts memory of list items.
• To-do lists can become validation-seeking tools.
• Reflection on tasks can reveal true motivations.
• Balancing internal and external validation is crucial.

In this episode of Psychologically Speaking, I reflect on a milestone moment delivering a leadership workshop on imposter phenomenon and the realization that I had already arrived. Inspired by Ilona Maher’s bold stance on owning success, I explore what it means to trust your expertise and step confidently into the spaces you’ve worked hard to enter.

We also dive into Margaret Atwood’s poem The Moment, unpacking how metaphor shapes our understanding of confidence, leadership, and personal growth—essential insights for coaches, business leaders, and anyone navigating self-doubt.

Plus, a sneak peek at my Adult Inset Day Easter webinar and a special shoutout to The Belonging Project Podcast with Fiorenza Rossini, where we had a brilliant conversation on success and belonging.

takeaways

• Flexibility of thinking is crucial for overcoming challenges.
• Mental resilience can be developed through activities like running.
• Self-doubt is a common experience, especially in a transformation-focused society.
• It's important to recognize the societal pressures on women regarding self-improvement.
• Transformation doesn't always mean complete change; start where you are.
• Using existing skills can serve as a springboard for growth.
• Staying in uncomfortable spaces can lead to clarity and understanding.
• Mind tricks can help maintain perspective during difficult tasks.
• The idea of transformation can often be misleading and burdensome.
• Practicing self-acceptance is a form of defiance against societal norms.

This episode unpacks how social media, self-help culture, and gendered resilience narratives push us toward self-optimization at the cost of self-acceptance. We explore the psychology of storytelling (McAdams, 2001), the feminist critique of the "bounce-backable woman" (Gill & Orgad, 2018), and why emotional smoothing shapes how we retell our past.

If you’re ready to stop waiting for the ‘perfect’ story and start sharing where you are, this one’s for you.

Connect with Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk and subscribe to her newsletter for psychological insights direct to your inbox. to sign up for the FREE Webinar, head to www.leilaainge.co.uk

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative  

The conversation dives into the psychology behind branding, the pressures women face in professional spaces, and how societal norms influence personal and business identities. Katie also reflects on her multicultural background, her unexpected career path through animation and TV production, and how creative problem-solving has shaped her approach to branding.

Key topics include:

• The power of brand storytelling and personal identity.
• Challenges women entrepreneurs face in professional branding.
• The balance between authenticity and professionalism in online spaces.
• How Katie’s diverse cultural and career experiences inform her work.

This episode is packed with insights on confidence, personal branding, and the psychological barriers that shape how we present ourselves to the world.

Leya Breanna Baltaxe-Admony is a technologist and researcher focused on advancing assistive and healthcare technologies. She has a multidisciplinary background in robotics engineering and human-centered design approaches. She recently graduated with a PhD in computational media from the University of California Santa Cruz, where her dissertation explored equitable engineering and design methods for collaborative development with disabled communities.

You can find Bre on the internet @leyabreanna

Tessa Eagle is a researcher specializing in Human-Computer Interaction (HCI) and neurodivergent communities. Her research draws from Critical Disability Studies to study online support systems for neurodivergent individuals and push back on neuronormative technology research and healthcare practices. Her expertise lies in driving user-centered design by deeply understanding and engaging with the needs of diverse communities.

In this episode, we explore the surprising connection between spontaneous thoughts, and achieving your goals. Leila delves into how distractions and daydreaming can fuel creativity and productivity. Whether you're tackling New Year’s resolutions or just trying to stay focused, discover why mind-wandering might be the secret to success—and how to embrace it without getting lost in negative rumination. Plus, a tale of erratic gardening, greenhouse adventures, and tips for starting fresh with curiosity and spontaneity.

Drawing inspiration from Dickens' A Christmas Carol, she discusses how psychological 'ghosts' can guide us in making better choices. Leila emphasizes the importance of embracing uncertainty, the potential of regret as a motivator, and the necessity of accepting imperfection in our lives. Through her own experiences, she illustrates how tackling unfinished tasks can lead to a sense of relief and momentum, while also acknowledging that not everything needs to be completed immediately. Ultimately, she encourages listeners to recognize their psychological ghosts and use them as tools for progress rather than obstacles.

In the first half of the podcast we hear from Collette about social justice, social responsibility through the work of her consultancy, we discuss what this means for small and micro businesses and Collette leads by example sharing how she's audited her own consultancy which is now in it's eighth year, and how you can do the same.

In the second half we start to think about online spaces, racism, psychological safety and positionality (and why this is more helpful than thinking of privilege), and we do this by taking a look the words one of my black participants used to describe being 'pushed up a ladder' and how harmful ultra visibility can be for black women in online spaces when leaders expect minoritised people to work for free to effect change.

This is honestly such a brilliant conversation, with metaphors about sharks, scarcity mindset and much more.

Collette and I mention the following people, and reccomend their books and blogs as further reading

Skin In The Game by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Nova Reid on substack

Sway by Pragya Agarwal

Scarcity by Sendhil Mullainathan and Eldar Shafir

You can also find Collettes blog 'Doing the work' over on substack

For more psychological insights and to connect with Leila Ainge, visit www.leilaainge.co.uk  and follow her on Instagram @leilaainge / Linkedin  and substack

Psychologically Speaking is proudly produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative www.decibellecreative.com / @decibelle_creative /

Ayo and Leila describe how they met at the DIFTK (Doing it for the kids) networking event just before the pandemic, and got chatting over their experience of working in engineering spaces.

Ayo describes her approach to work, cometitiveness, networking, and the digital marketing model that combines online and offline elements. Ayo shares how she approaches comparison in online spaces, how it has been helpful and how she dials messages down when it is less helpful.

They explore privacy, digital footprints and taking a deeper dive behind vanity metrics, and the challenge in knowing how much messaging people actually put out vs what we see and how often.

You can connect with Ayo on linkedin https://www.linkedin.com/in/ayoabbas/

Link to the industry article that Ayo mentions in the chat https://www.bdonline.co.uk/opinion/the-architecturual-profession-is-in-trouble-collective-action-is-needed-to-fix-it/5127644.article

Context behind the comments made around women and anger vs men and anger at the following links

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/11/women-and-minorities-claiming-right-to-rage

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2009-17981-006

Can and angry woman get ahead? https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18315800/

In this weeks psychologically speaking episode with Liana Fricker we discuss one of the thoughts that sat behind being visible and holding back for my participants 'what if I'm wrong?'

I loved having Liana on as a guest, a self-proclaimed imposter atheist, our conversation touches on intersectionality and we use the topic of sustainability to unravel what happens when we start talking about complex stuff.

Liana also talks about ADHD, self sabotage, emotional intelligence (EQ), and we explore insecurity, empowerment and attribution bias.

My research suggests that rather than a lack of confidence, it's the context and limited resources available to marginalised individuals that often amplify feelings of being an imposter.

Liana Fricker, founder of Inspiration Space and a beacon for solo founders and companies of one, joins the conversation to share her unique insights. Liana’s commitment to aligning human activity with environmental responsibility is reshaping the narrative for conscious entrepreneurs. Recognised by Startups magazine as one of the most influential women in the industry, Liana brings a fresh perspective to the table, challenging the traditional narratives of impostor and advocating for a deeper understanding of individual experiences shaped by race, gender, and neurodiversity.

They also tackle the environmental implications of our consumption habits and the significance of carbon literacy in making informed choices for a sustainable future.

This episode is a call to action for anyone looking to inspire change and make impactful choices, both for themselves and for the planet.

Connect with Liana Fricker on Linkedin , on Instagram @lianafricker, and through her platform Inspiration Space www.inspirationspace.co.uk

For more psychological insights and to connect with Leila Ainge, visit www.leilaainge.co.uk  and follow her on Instagram @leilaainge and LinkedIn.

Leila also has a brilliant newsletter - get yourself on the list here: https://www.leilaainge.co.uk/newsletter

While you’re at it, subscribe to Leila’s substack here: https://leilaainge.substack.com/

Psychologically Speaking is proudly produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative www.decibellecreative.com / @decibelle_creative / LinkedIn.

In this episode of psychologically speaking, we get curious about the intersection of imposter experiences and middle age, particularly as they relate to the menopause transition. Emma Thomas, host of the Middling Along podcast and an expert in managing menopause, joins Leila to explore the complexities of this life stage and the poignant sense of loss that can accompany middle age and its impact on self-comparison.

Emma also provides clarity on the nuances between perimenopause and menopause. As always, Leila is interested in the parallels that can be drawn between midlife experiences and the feelings of imposter phenomenon.

Find out how hormonal changes can amplify feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and a perceived lack of resilience. This episode is also packed full of Emma’s insights into the benefits for women of this transition, such as the opportunity for growth and reevaluation.

Leila and Emma discuss the importance of creating psychologically safe spaces, both in corporate environments and within entrepreneurial communities, to support those navigating menopause and imposter feelings. 

For those seeking evidence-based information on menopause, Emma's newsletter an invaluable resource, and her Middling Along podcast serves as a beacon of support and knowledge for those in the throes of this life change.

Connect with Emma Thomas through her website managingthemenopause.com. 

Emma and Leila both talked about the wonderful Kate Codrington and her book ‘Second Spring’ which you can find details of here

For more psychological insights and to connect with Leila Ainge, visit www.leilaainge.co.uk  and follow her on Instagram @leilaainge / Linkedin 

Psychologically Speaking is proudly produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative www.decibellecreative.com / @decibelle_creative / Linkedin

Lucy Werner, writer and the self-promotion expert behind Hypeyourself.com, joins Leila from her home in France - avec baby on lap - to share her insights and reflections.

Lucy talks about navigating the online world, where the lines between inspiration and imitation blur, and how she counters the pull of negative patterns by focusing on her distinctiveness. She emphasises the power of authenticity and personal brand uniqueness, which reassuringly cannot be quite so easily replicated by others as brand colours and copy often can.

Leila and Lucy also explore psychological terms "proximity effect" and

"imagined audiences,"

In this friendly chat Lucy and Leila navigate the tricky waters of professional rivalry

with grace, humour, and a healthy dollop of self-hype!

Find Lucy Werner's newsletter 'Hype Yourself' on Substack and connect with her through her bestselling books, 'HypeYourself' and 'BrandYourself'. 

Discover more about Lucy's educational platform at www.hypeyourself.com and follow her on Instagram @hypeyourselfuk.

Lucy and Leila mention More Sales Please by Sara Dalrymple which

is available to purchase here https://amzn.eu/d/23JKcxR

For more psychological insights and to connect with Leila

Ainge, visit www.leilaainge.co.uk  and follow her on Instagram @leilaainge / Linkedin 

Psychologically Speaking is proudly produced by Buckers at

Decibelle Creative www.decibellecreative.com / @decibelle_creative / Linkedin

You’re going to want to *dive in* to today’s episode of Psychologically Speaking…

Leila chats to Helen Hill, the vibrant founder of Unlikely Genius and co-founder of Be the Future. Helen shares her journey from self-conscious business owner to a mermaid on national television (as you do!) Leila and Helen delve into how donning a 13-foot mermaid tail of reclaimed plastic for a BBC News appearance transformed Helen's self-perception and business trajectory, leading to a powerful discussion on the psychological impact of clothing and identity.

Helen used to avoid photographs of herself but has a newfound confidence since embracing the mermaid lifestyle! Leila explores the psychological concepts of enclothed cognition and the proteus effect, discussing the surprising confidence and opportunities that can arise from stepping into character.

Listen to discover how a creative approach to self-presentation, and embracing your most colourful self, can lead to profound personal and professional growth.

Connect with Helen Hill on Linkedin

Find Helen’s podcast ‘Hope. Act. Thrive’ here: https://www.bethefuture.earth/podcast 

Sign up to Helen's Newsletter 'Curiosity Killed The Chaos'

Buy Helen's book Falling off the Ladder

Learn more about Helen’s businesses here:

• https://www.unlikelygenius.com/
• https://www.bethefuture.earth/ 

Connect with Leila online at https://www.leilaainge.co.uk/, and find her on Linkedin , Substack and Instagram @leilaainge

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

Links

Read the book about the Telomere effect https://www.elissaepel.com/telomere-effect

Elizabeth Blackburn TedTalk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wseM6wWd74

Connect with Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk and subscribe to her newsletter for psychological insights direct to your inbox.

Style coach Samantha Harman joins Leila for a candid, empowering discussion on looking good and feeling confident. Samantha shares her experiences of impostor phenomenon, from using fashion as armour in her early journalism career to now helping ambitious women style their way to self-assurance. Leila provides insights from her own fascinating research on how entrepreneurs grapple with feeling like frauds. This episode offers a thoughtful perspective on using clothing as a vehicle to owning your worth and finding your inner confidence. A must-listen for anyone seeking to feel as bold as they look.

Find Samantha online here: https://www.thestyleeditor.co.uk/ / @styleeditoruk / Find Samantha on LinkedIn ‘Samantha (The Style Editor) Harman’

Listen to Samantha’s podcast, ‘Own the room’ (previously ‘the nothing to wear’ podcast)

Citations and references

Flugel, J. C. (1933). The psychology of clothes. The Sociological Review, 25(3), 301-304.

Adam, H., & Galinsky, A. D. (2012). Enclothed cognition. Journal of experimental social psychology, 48(4), 918-925.

Jones, M. G., Lee, T., Chesnutt, K., Carrier, S., Ennes, M., Cayton, E., ... & Huff, P. (2019). Enclothed cognition: Putting lab coats to the test. International Journal of Science Education, 41(14), 1962-1976.

https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/enclothed-cognition-brushes-well

Connect with Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk and subscribe to her newsletter for psychological insights direct to your inbox.

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative  

Uncover the three core themes identified in Leila's research and join the conversation as Christina and Laura lend their expertise on psychological safety, DEI, and the cultivation of online environments which foster vibrant, equitable communities.

This episode is an absolute must listen for anyone leading or participating in online spaces, looking for actionable insights on creating cultures that empower, rather than inhibit, the entrepreneurial spirit.

Connect with Leila online at https://www.leilaainge.co.uk/ and find her on Linkedin and Instagram @leilaainge

Learn more about Christina and Laura’s work and  Workculturati at https://www.workculturati.com/ 

Subscribe here to be notified when the white paper is published

Mentioned in the podcast

• Amy Edmondson
• Timothy Clark

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative

This episode delves into the digital landscape, where imposter feelings aren't mere shadows, but thriving companions for online entrepreneurs, particularly women. Join psychologist Leila Ainge as she unpacks the concept of "context collapse" and its profound impact on their success.

Through insightful examples from her research (shared anonymously, of course!), Leila reveals the hidden anxieties and coping strategies used by these online business owners. Explore the powerful role of language in navigating the challenges of visibility and competition in the digital sphere.

Here's what you'll discover:

• How "context collapse" blurs the lines between online and offline worlds, fueling imposter feelings.
• The unique challenges faced by female entrepreneurs in the digital age.
• The crucial role of language in navigating online spaces

Connect with Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk and subscribe to her newsletter for psychological insights direct to your inbox.

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative  

Forget "syndrome," psychologist Leila Ainge is calling imposter feelings what they truly are: a pervasive phenomenon fueled by the digital age. Leila's groundbreaking research, featuring interviews with successful entrepreneurs, reveals the surprising culprits behind your self-doubt – online comparisons, relentless competition, and the pressure of constant visibility.

Dive deep with Leila, as she empowers you to recognize these external forces for what they are: the fuel for your inner critic. This insightful opening episode of Psychologically Speaking is a breath of fresh air for anyone who's ever been crippled by self-doubt. Join Leila as she reframes the narrative and rewrites the rulebook on conquering the "imposter" within.

Connect with Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk and subscribe to her newsletter for psychological insights direct to your inbox.

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative  

In this captivating trailer for her new podcast Psychologically Speaking, meet psychologist Leila Ainge.

Leila provides a tantalising preview of her own ground-breaking research on impostor phenomenon. Drawing on fascinating insights from entrepreneurs, Leila is on a mission to revolutionise our understanding of feeling like a fraud. From busting myths to uncovering surprising upsides, Psychologically Speaking promises jargon-free deep dives into the nuances of Leila's favourite thing: the fascinating world of human behaviour.

Follow Psychologically Speaking and join Leila and her guests to learn how you can harness impostor experiences to excel in work and life.

Find Leila online at www.leilaainge.co.uk

Sign up to Leila's newsletter https://www.leilaainge.co.uk/newsletter

Psychologically Speaking is produced by Buckers at Decibelle Creative @decibelle_creative

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