But trying to “game” oneself with reward apps, points, quests, races, or even caffeine often works only briefly because it goes against what is true for ourselves.

What makes video games engaging is not flashy stimuli, but a flowing progression of challenges calibrated to be neither too hard nor too boring, where enjoyment comes from the activity itself.

Motivation can come from pausing with existing frustration and tension, asking what feels boring or irritating, then simplifying, shrinking, or slowing tasks to gently reduce tension and “titrate” challenge. Then, dopamine becomes an afterthought.

We end with one of my oldest and ever-evolving compositions, “Aging,” written in C minor.

Transcript:

Maybe if I trick myself. Maybe if I reward myself. Maybe if I use that app that gives me points, sparkles, and a lot of fanfare, I'll get my chores done.

The idea of dopamine dependence, or maybe dopamine starvation, is often a suspect in the world of ADHD and wandering minds.

If I only had more dopamine I'd get things done.

The phrase is supported by this idea of an "Interest-based" nervous system - this idea that has somehow been interpreted to mean that we can only do things that we have some a priori interest in, effectively arguing for a lack of free will.

And so, some of us look for ways that we can "game" ourselves. Maybe we consider ways to set up a points system for which chores are worth something. Maybe we turn our to-do list into a set of quests with levels, loot, and the like.

Or how about "how fast can I clear this Inbox?" reminding me of trying to get a kid to tie their shoes in the morning by asking them to race out the door.

Maybe we even use a chemical like coffee after the work report is done, quite literally trying to get a flush of dopamine after doing something that we'd otherwise avoid.

Look, if any of these work for you, great. But I believe, more often than not, it'll work once or a few times, and then some part of us, starts to say "no."

Why? Because we have been dishonest with ourselves.

Any Worthwhile System Requires Honesty

Any system of work worth its salt, requires honesty with ourselves.

Part of the problem is in how we interpret the word "game" itself.

We look at video games, for instance, as this poster child of dopamine dependence. Things flash and make noises on a screen, beaming photons into our eyes, jiggling air molecules at our eardreams, sending signals into some secret lairs in our brain, a mesolimbic pathway of the ventral tegmental area, the nucleus accumbens, working its way into the dorsal striatum.

Whatever the terminology, the more seemingly scientific, the more it becomes a metaphor for whatever lies beyond our control. We may as well imagine some evil villain with a smirk and a lab suit, standing in our brains, laughing as they pull the levers for the things that make us do wrong.

What is "gaming"?

"Gaming" in this context is a word that seems to be interpreted as, maybe I can trick that guy into pulling the levers at the times that I want, by attaching something that already makes the dopamine flow with the thing that doesn't.

But gaming, video gaming, is very much not about this process at all.

Things that go blip and bloop do not excite us. Or maybe they do briefly, but then that fades off all easily, its novelty spent.

What excites us is not the reward

What excites us is a flow of moving from one challenge to the next. At first we see something that somehow fits some window of not too difficult, not too boring, and maybe even completable.

We nudge forward, stomping on that one bad guy. And then we see some next window of challenge, maybe bringing some of what we've just accomplished with us.

One at a time, and then blending into each other, like picture frames across old-school film, we get into it, stomping, swinging, dashing, grooving, ready to take on more.

What began as a trickle became a river.

Whatever it is, we are enjoying the thing for the thing itself. We haven't skirted meaning. We haven't cheated ourselves.

Beyond games, we can do this with any type of play or work, enjoyed or not.

The Path is Through

The path in is through the frustration, the tension, the emotion that already exists, not by avoiding it.

If we can pause with that sensation, not force ourselves through or hide from it, we can then ask, "what is boring, frustrating, irritating about this?"

And then, simplify, or maybe shrink things down, or slow down and try to render some of that tension into ease. Gently, - as we do.

And then with doing so, we then start finding the real levers that can adjust the challenge within ourselves - tuning into where we are. We can adjust those levers for ourselves.

Once we learn how to titrate a challenge for ourselves, dopamine is an afterthought. The word itself experienced distant as it always has been.

Sometimes we can even transform an experience from frustrating to enjoyed, even bridging the “why can’t I just start because I know I’ll be ok once I’m there?”

We bridge that into beginning with an honoring of the emotions that make up who we are now, rather than treating ourselves as if we don't know better.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #ADHDandMotivation #Neurodivergent

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These so-called “SMART Goals” can actually feel dehumanizing, as if something measurable and specific were given more weight than something that might allow your wonder and creativity to flow even more freely.

Premature goals can be weaponized by workplaces, while much of what matters in creativity has little to do with relevance, specificity, and time.

Creative work, meaningful work, is often inherently blurry. There is an act of discovery when we allow our minds the freedom to ask questions, to play, and to pause and reflect.

Transcript:

How big? How small?

Word of warning, today's episode is one of my crankier ones.

You may have heard of the so-called "SMART Goals". Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Some employers even demand them in their relationships with you.

But I find SMART goals to be anything but smart.

When it comes to goals, we often hear something along the lines of:

“What do you see yourself doing in 5 years?"

“Dream big! Now dream bigger! You are only limited by your imagination!"

Ugh.

Does anyone else find this to be similar to "Think of a number. Now think of a bigger number"? I guess we're supposed to keep doing this until we're all wearing Infinity Gauntlets or something.

Then we are supposed to write them down, perhaps using the obnoxiously titled "SMART" mnemonic to make them Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.

Perhaps a boon for the ever de-humanizing forces of parasitic corporations, I have some concerns about these so-called "smart" goals:

• Premature specificity can lead to a rigidity that can shatter the goal, the individual, as well as injure nearby innocent bystanders. (See also every story villain.)
• Not everything that can be measured matters. In fact, I'd argue that most that matters cannot be measured.
• How do I know what's achievable until I'm there?
• How do I know what's relevant until I explore?
• And for those of us with wandering minds, Lord help us with the clearly implied use of clock time rather than that of self time. (See also Clock time vs Self time)

What goes horribly missed is the over-privileging of the written word, and the under-privileging of the wordless experience born in the seemingly menial but utterly vital, tiny world of a single visit.

Privilege the Wordless

Experience is largely a wordless place.

Much of the Now cannot be translated into words. As much as I love playing with words, they are hardly more than emissaries, often beaten and beleaguered when sent on meaningless missions.

We discover what we are creating in the act of creating it. What we once thought was clear and concrete, becomes obviously not as we are there, in the Now.

We learn what we can learn in the act of learning it.

Any creative vision will be, by definition, blurry in one sense or another. We don't know the time it would take. We don't know the steps there. We don't even know what it will look in the end.

Envisioning that blurriness, sensing a direction, we wordlessly feel the tensions and decide from there how to shape and shift the moment's sails.

Privilege the Tiny

When we focus on the tiny, we often unlock the large.

Catching a tiny turn of phrase in a client's concerns, I ask,

"Wait, what do you mean by that?"

From here, new worlds may open.

What they once stated as a goal perhaps of therapy even is now revealed as only an attempt to further suppress an important part of themselves. "Make me not angry" - but what if there is reason for the anger, a reason you hadn't considered? "Make me not worried" - what if the worry is doing something for you? What do we do with that? Make me do my work - What if doing your work is a bad idea.

I'd rather not collude in their collapse.

Working on the second movement of Beethoven's Sonata 14, I stumble here and there, a bit at the beginning, a bit at the end, and a bunch in the middle.

Diving into a single measure, slowing it down, feeling for the basic nature of the single notes involved, I gently rework a small knot in the fabric.

Why here? Why now? I don't know.

But something interesting happens in that discovery in the tiny, a turn of phrase, I realize my goal was wrong as the whole piece begin to flow different from this tiny place of practice.

Of course...

Of course there is utility to thinking of large matters.

Of course we can revisit where we thought we were going to make adjustments.

Of course it is useful to think of small steps on the way there.

But premature goals can be weaponized - forced, forming a procrustean bed of words, twisted into submission. Have you done the thing by now? Why haven't you done the thing? Update the ticket. Say where you were, say where you'll be, convince me.

Returns and revisions take time, a time easily burdened upon our future selves.

I wonder if the world beyond goals is one far more vast and rich than they'd have us believe.

• Kourosh

PS What do I see myself doing in 5 years? Probably eating a sandwich or something.

PPS I'm still cranky.

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We question the traditional notion of willpower as merely doing, or not doing, something despite our internal emotional opposition.

We explore how creating supportive environments and pausing enables wandering minds to make better choices and engage in meaningful activities.

We discuss:

• What defines willpower
• Willpower versus the wave of emotions
• The power of holding tension
• Supporting our needs with pauses

We conclude with a piano improvisation piece called 'On a Dare'.

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com

Transcript

Willpower. What a troublesome word. Those with ADHD in particular supposedly don't have enough. Fight more, do more, do the thing you don't want to do. But what is this willpower thing anyway?

What Defines Willpower?

Have you ever had a cut and then knew, while it was healing, that it was important not to pick at it. But there was some part of you that just felt like, "Hmm, I just gotta scratch it,"

And when you hold back, and you just keep holding back, is that willpower?

Maybe we can define willpower as the ability to deliberately do, or not do something, despite an unaccommodating, if not deeply opposed, emotional world that surrounds it.

But is that really the focus? To do things we don't want or not do things we do want?

Willpower Versus the Wave of Emotions

The emotional world, is a swirling world.

At times chaotic, at times peaceful, sometimes vengeful. Throwing one wave after another at us.

Is it a lack of willpower to fail to stand against some typhoon of emotion? I think there's something here, some tension.

When going with the flow, we follow some line of least resistance, a summed vector of internal fields of boat floating wherever the sea of emotion takes us in this moment.

But we know that it's important to occasionally hold back.

The Power of Holding Tension

When we're having a bad day and someone asks us for one more thing, we hold a certain tension to not respond.

When meditating and trying to hold onto awareness itself. We hold a tension.

When we try to understand, build, create, maybe hold two ideas in mind simultaneously. Once again, there's this tension that we're holding onto.

But holding that tension seems about as possible as chronically holding a 50 pound weight in the air. At some point we lose it. Consciousness being the way it is.

We don't even recognize that we've lost it. I dunno about you, but, even though I've meditated for many years, there's still plenty of times that I wonder, wait, where did I go?

Beyond the Path of Least Resistance

Pushing ourselves through a difficult task can be similar. Somehow we lose track, exhausted. There's something that happens when we can hold tension.

We discover, if not create, options. We have this option to place ourselves on alternate paths. We realize that there's more than just the path of least resistance.

And as such, we can create more accommodating situations, make better choices. We can even create supports for ourselves.

When practicing on the piano and only going with the flow, I engage in some empty form of play. Playing the same piece I know all too well, doing the same licks over and over.

But in that pause I see other paths. This I know, this I don't. Here's a book that I can look at. Here's an idea and an area to study. How would I even do that? Options we did not have before begin to form.

And from here, we can seek the windows of challenge within the difficult. We can simplify things, shrink them down, slow them down. Whether in piano or in therapy, or in hobby or work, whether habit or craft.

To resolve, if not dissolve, the difficult into the newly easy. Mind can discover paths of tension to now release.

Support Through Pausing

In other words, what we seek is not necessarily more willpower, some finite resource if there ever was one. Instead, we look to practice using our limited reserves to pause.

To pause for leaving that itch unscratched, to decide what we can to support ourselves — we place ourselves in situations showing up to a visit.

We create our environments to support us, reducing our distractions so that we can find ways we can support ourselves, so we don't need to hold ourselves back so much. And that way we can engage with our nature of curiosity, if not grace.

The following piece is called, “On a Dare.” It's an improvisation. It'll never be played again. I hope you enjoy it.

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Finding one’s voice isn’t mysterious alchemy but a complex process of tapping into one’s unique, often blurry stream of thoughts.

Using Richard Feynman as an example of distinctive thinking, Dr. Kourosh Dini describes a practical method through music: improvising, then pausing to review recordings, identifying structures and connections, and consciously internalizing what has emerged unconsciously.

This deliberate cycle of play, study, and reflection builds a tangible conduit to deeper self and clearer communication.

We close the episode with an evolving piano piece, “Alight,” in F minor, 3/4 time.

Transcript

How do I create something new, something unique? How do I not sound like everyone else? Whether writing a piece of music, searching for a unique perspective at work, or even trying to write an interesting newsletter, it can be easy to fall into a sense that it's all been done before.

The common advice is to use your own unique perspective. In other words, find your voice. Great, but how?

Voices of the Masters at Their Crafts

Finding our voice is never simple. But we see it in the masters of any field. Watch a video of Michael Jordan playing basketball. You'll see no one plays like him.

You'll listen to Miles Davis and you know it's Miles Davis. You see a painting by Van Gogh, and you know it's Van Gogh.

Even when we copy them, emulate them, well it all came from that original voice.

You might think it's a matter of art, some secret alchemy bestowed on the blessed few that lets somebody create from some hidden spirit within. Well, if so, how do we tap into that world?

That voice, whatever it is within us, can be rather complex, and there are likely many paths to fostering and caring for that voice.

Richard Feynman's thoughts on thoughts

Richard Feynman, this brilliant quantum physicist who beyond his understanding of subatomic particles, had a wonderfully quirky approach to life and learning. He would often share how he thought.

I hear how he thinks and I hear a reflection of my own thoughts, my own deepest thoughts, not because I know much of anything about quantum physics, but because of the blur of ideas that can come to mind.

The process of organizing that and the like, and it's not at all simple, but the unique nature of thought, tapping into that, I believe this is where we find our voice.

Here is the link to Richard Feynman's "Fun to Imagine" talk.

ADHD and the Cauldron of Thought

ADHD, wandering minds, I believe we often share this sense of blurring rapid fire thought. This cauldron of the unconscious is what we often look at, whether we're saying we have a superpower or we're drowning in scatter.

I do believe there is a process in which we can organize in self-reflection, a sort of flywheel of building our voice.

I think it connects with this idea of voice itself, like, you know, what is that anyway though. I think it relates, if not, is, a sense of deep self. A sense of nature within embodied in the spirit of play and care among other emotions.

And connecting that self with the world that surrounds us as the practice of expressing that voice, whether the individual, the corporation, or any spirit, we can extrapolate this to any aspect of nature.

Trouble in Communicating with Others, an example in Music

Then there's this struggle in communicating with others. We need to not only understand our own jumble of thought, but the words that others use and the beliefs that others hold for us to have any chance at being understood, if not being understandable at all.

Well, maybe I can bring this somewhere concrete. Lemme give you an example in music. Sometimes I'll sit at the keys and create something, some improvisation, some structure, who knows?

It is a common cliche that artists channel something from somewhere they don't understand.

It's quite often a musician will create something and wonder, whoa, where did that come from? And wonder whether they could ever do it again. As unique as it makes the person, it creates this shared experience amongst us all.

Rarely after I've created something, can I reproduce it again as it was, at least not at first. I readily forget what I just made, if not how I made it.

My first response is to seek that feeling again, that feeling of creation because it's so much fun. And it can be useful certainly, but I've never found it to be a reliable path for reproduction.

Feelings rarely if ever bow to my conscious whim, and if they do, can only be for some short period of time, and even then demand some form of payment, whiplash of exhaustion, anger, or some opposite somewhere.

In the world of music, I generally just create a headache between the notes if I try to push myself in some direction. But if I rest my mind on what I created, maybe listening to the recording, feel out the structures, oh, this contrasts with that, oh, here there's a note that aligns with that.

This flows here and there. All these connections with what I already hold to be true within me. I grow this repository, this ball of understanding within. I often wonder at it, and my goodness, I wouldn't have consciously created such an intricate set of connections. And I wouldn't have.

But in that study of whatever it is that I had created from some unconscious realm, maybe spent in exhaustion, arrest my hands on the keys, and suddenly there's this new bursting forth, new ideas where I can create not only with whatever I had just made and learned again.

But now with variations and complexities and new structures. With the understanding of the internal I am building on my voice.

It seems strange to need to internalize what already seems internal, but this practice, whatever the method of reviewing what we've just done to create from there gives us a more tangible, visceral connection to whatever the materials are.

If I study and find somewhere within that I can play and I can move forward.

But if I can find what that play means to me, where that connects within what I understand in a way that means something to me in depth, I'm creating a conduit to my voice. I am building my voice even further.

No Longer a Passive Receptacle

We're no longer this passive receptacle. We're no longer connecting by rote. We're now taking the information and building from a deeper sense of self, one that's more accessible to our emotions of play and care.

It's a practice, not something given. It's not something that one either has or doesn't have.

Again, similar to playing an instrument of the piano, maybe as some of us start with a talent, but no matter where we begin, we still need to regularly connect with that field learning, engaging, being with internalizing.

And this is where beyond showing up to practice, we find a deliberate act. Sitting at the keys with the words, somewhere in the midst of work and play, might fall into this path of least resistance, seeking only the feeling. But in a pause, I can decide, ah, you know, I don't know where this came from, what that means.

Deliberately if I rest my mind in that blurry soup of thought and understanding and see where things resolve from confusion into clarity, I'm developing my voice.

When I remember to take my hands away from the keys, resting them in my lap for a moment, closing my eyes, maybe I picture the shapes and interactions of the sound, the rhythm, the harmony.

In doing so, I can return to the keys with new ideas, new energy. What was once unconscious is now conscious. Where I can more deeply connect and guide the sounds reflecting whatever universal spirits there are without getting in their way. Another trope of artistry.

Whatever I find will necessarily be attached to some unique voice because there's only one me, much as there's only one you.

A Take Away

So I guess if there's a takeaway here, is there some piece of play or work where you can pause, and for a moment, close your eyes and ask, what about this do I not understand? What can I reproduce from where I am? Can I rest my mind there and see what comes to mind? Can I find some ease within it? Some marker of mastery perhaps.

"Alight" - Music

The following piece of music is called "Alight". I may have even played it for you before. It's one of those pieces that have clear parts, but somehow those parts keep shifting in relationship to each other every time I play it.

And I like to explore those shifts, why is it that I do it two times there and three times there and, and, and not so much this time and more in that time, and who knows?

But if that didn't happen, if those shifts and changes didn't happen every time I played it, then I think the piece would probably die. I wouldn't wanna play it anymore. It's in F minor three quarters time. I hope you enjoy it.

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In reality, our minds are processing and making connections, participating in a bit of play.

Instead of suppressing our wandering mind, what might happen if you explore some of the connections and bring it into conversations or creative work?

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The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

We explore the constant tension between free play and structured learning and the need to make real-time choices while respecting limits and using questions as a container for confusion.

I end with a developing piece called “Witch/Which Beauty.”

Transcript

Welcome to another episode of The Rhythms of Focus. I thought today I would sit down at the keys and just kind of, um, have a practice session, kind of describe what goes on.

The Practice of a Passion

You know, I think something that's not often talked about is, the sense of passion and mastery, when it comes to wandering minds, ADHD and the like.

There's the so-called, interest-based mind — which I still have troubles with the idea of using that phrase, because brains all flow with emotion and there are many emotions.

And, interest is an important one, certainly, but even there, Dr. William Dotson psychiatrist points out, what one client abbreviated to the Chin Up Emotions: challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and then passion.

And I'll leave aside for a moment that there are many other emotions as well that can be very driving, even for ADHD and wandering minds, and perhaps even especially so.

But for the moment, I just wanted to get into this idea of passion, which I, to some degree, maybe even entirely, equate with mastery. Because mastery is a path, it's something we do over time, it's, it's not a line that we cross so much, although I think that idea can be put in there too.

So the idea of mastery, it's in many ways simple, it's that we be with a thing every day. If you can do that, you know, here I have this practice I picked up from my piano teacher from years past who said, touch the keys every day. Which has since translated into this idea of a visit every day, being with something every day.

And if you do that, there's a good chance you're on the path of mastery. And there's something incredibly organizing to that process.

Anyway, I'll just play a piece here. I like minor keys.

I often play in what are called a modal style of playing, where I stay within a scale.

This piece that I'll play here is called "Speaking Spirits."

A Balance of Play and Structure

Whenever I sit down to practice, I have to balance there's part of me that wants to play and goof off and go wherever the heck I want to go. And this other part of me that says, well, if you just do that, nothing will get learned, nothing will happen, nothing will grow, there is no structure.

And this is kind of a major issue, if you will, for wandering minds in general. This tug of war between the ideas of play and structure. We manage this with the ideas of agency that we are able to pause and make a decision and say, okay, what if I go in that direction?

And then at that point we throw ourselves into play once again. But it becomes a real time issue, it's a constant thing.

For example, if I am playing a piece and I'm enjoying it, there's this part of me that wants to keep enjoying it, just wants to keep going with it, keep going with that flow and finding where it goes and all that.

But, if I let it go on too long, it grows bitter. You know, there's a, I think a philosophical, something about the respect of death in that. But there's also, this feeling of, I need to respect limits, right? It's, it's that there's something to learn in that.

Anyway, I think I'm going off on a tangent now.

Sitting with Frustration

Let me tell you what I've been studying lately. So I've been looking at this book, "The Jazz Piano Book" by Mark Levine. Bought this many years ago when I was in college. And when I had looked at it then, it didn't make much sense to me. There were these things that were written in there, these chords.

I'm just flipping through it now if you hear the paper rustling, I was looking at the chords and I'm like, where are you coming up with this?

I'm even looking at it on page two and it says that there's a G7 cord. And there's no G in the chord. Like what are you doing? The G7 flat 9 it starts in an F in the base, and then there's a B, and there's an E, A, G, sharp and a B, and he calls that a G7 flat 9.

And maybe it is. But there's no G and that just bugs me. And that just in itself — I ran into a couple of incidents like that in this book and that was enough to stop me. That one stopped me many years ago, and only recently have I come back and started to play with it. So if I take that chord that I just mentioned, let me play this here.

Right? That's supposedly somewhere in there, a G7 flat 9. Here's the 7 here's the major third, which makes it a major key. This E is a sixth, which he doesn't mention anywhere. And then there's this G sharp, which is the flat 9. And again, we've got this B at the top, which is a repeat of the B before, which is that major third.

Now that resolves into a C— is it a dominant? Yeah, dominant C. But once again, here's a 9 in here in the right hand and a sixth and a third in the base, the major third of the E. So it goes and I'm like, how? How, why is that the cord? What are you talking about anyway? So once again, I got stumped.

Using Questions to Contain Confusion

So what do I do with that? I think the important thing is to be able to add questions to things and recognize the question as being the container.

So I look at the thing and say, my question is essentially, huh? Just H-U-H question mark. Huh? Then I can resolve that a little further into, well, as I was talking about, I don't see these, in one case, I don't see the root note in the chord at all. And the other one, it's at the very top. Does that count and what are the sixths in there doing?

So anyway, I make these questions. Whether you understand the music of it or not, it's regardless of whatever field you're in, you'll have your own unique questions to you. But the questions do, help contain the confusion.

And so once I do that, I can start flipping through and going, okay, well maybe I'll just play these chords a little bit here and there, and then I'll get to something that might make more sense and I can come back to this.

I can resolve into something about this and ah, you know, I get to the next little bit here and it starts talking about triads. Oh, okay. These make sense. The C major triad, here you go, starts with a major third and then a minor third on top of that.

And you call that a C major triad. There's a major, that's a minor. We got the C minor triad, which reverses it. You got the minor in the bottom and the major top. Right. So you got just basically you move the middle note down a half step. There you go. Diminish, you move the top note down a half step, which means there's two minor triads in there.

And then you got the augmented triad where you've got a major in the bottom again, and then another major on top. So it's all just a mix of different majors and minors and how they all play out.

And you keep playing with these things and realize, oh yeah, I could do that, I could do that and then, oh my goodness, is this hard? The simple, supposedly simple, minor 2 7, 2 seventh, and then you go to a major, a dominant seven for the fifth. And go to the, root note or little, major seventh in that guy.

It's a nice little combination you got there, you know. Sounds good.

And then you just goof off. So it is like, okay, there's a part of me that just wants to start playing and then I start playing.

What if I did a minor there?

Would it still resolve well?

Yeah. And what if I throw in other things?

And then I don't know what I'm doing. Then I want to go back to something that has structure, something I can hold onto and say, yeah, I can make some sounds. And I kinda listen to myself. I say, you know, what am I interested in playing right now? And maybe something I've been doing recently.

Here's one called "Witch/Which Beauty" that I kind of like.

Anyway, that one still needs work. I'm playing around with it. You can tell that there's some structured kind of form in there — or at least I can tell.

Anyway. Not sure if you guys are enjoying this sort of thing. Uh, I thought why not do an episode where I'm just kind of making some sounds and talking about it out loud.

If you're enjoying this and would like to hear more of these, let me know and maybe I can make that happen. Alright, till next time.

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The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Listeners will learn:

• How the “tension of not knowing” nurtures creativity.

• Why AI can both empower and erode agency.

• A mindful way to stay engaged with our work’s unfolding.

Featuring the original piano piece “If You Feed a Squirrel.”

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #CreativeFocus #ADHDAdults #AIandCreativity #FlowState #IntentionalWork #RhythmsOfFocus

Transcript

I've got a problem. I don't know how this works. I don't know how to write this. I don't know the best order. I don't know where this new idea fits. Maybe I can get AI to do this.

Wow. AI has become quite the thing, more than a flavor of the month it's found its way into so many of our apps and tools.

Using a simple Google search now returns with an AI formulation of my query first.

There are AI apps that are used to, break down tasks and help us get moving forward. There are AI things that help us think through how to build an entire book among other possibilities. But the more powerful a tool I find, the more caution it requires. So how much caution does AI require?

The More Powerful the Tool, the More Caution it Requires

There's a rather ridiculous statement. I remember hearing in medical school a sort of backhanded joke towards this pharmaceutical world. Something like this, "Hey, there's a new medication let's use it before it has some side effects."

We often look around at our tools as these unmitigated positives, especially when they first start out.

Some promise, some efficiency, sometimes some clear boost to something we desire opens the door and there's no going back.

As humans, we use tools. The spoken word itself is a tool by which we ask and receive our wants and needs and nuance.

Socrates' Warnings Against the Written Word

Even the written word though can be of concern.

I wanna quote a story of Socrates, but before I do, it's important, dear listener, for you to know that I found this reference using ai. The story goes that an ancient God called Theuth first discovered numbers and calculations, geometry and astronomy, as well as the games of checkers and dice, but above all else writing.

And this God Theuth was excited about his inventions and came to the King of Egypt, Thamos, and he would describe the positives and negatives of these inventions. And one day he said, "oh, king, here's something that once learned will make the Egyptians wiser and will improve their memory. I've discovered a potion for memory and for wisdom."

Thamos, however, replied, "Oh most expert Theuth, one man can give birth to the elements of an art, but only another can judge how they can benefit or harm those who will use them. And now, since you are the father of writing your affection for it has made you describe its effects as the opposite of what they really are.

"In fact, it will introduce forgetfulness into the soul of those who learn it. They will not practice using their memory because they'll put their trust in writing, which is external and depends on signs that belong to others, instead of trying to remember from the inside completely on their own.

"You've not discovered a potion for remembering, but for reminding. You provide your students with the appearance of wisdom, not with its reality. Your invention will enable them to hear many things without being properly taught, and they will imagine that they would've come to know much, while for the most part, they will know nothing.

"And they will be difficult to get along with since they will merely appear to be wise instead of really being so."

Now, even as a writer myself, I absolutely love that paragraph. There are plenty of times where I thought, for example, that I was ready for an exam 'cause I went over the notes over and over again only to realize that it wasn't that I'd known the material, I hadn't remembered them from the inside. I could just recognize them.

So here we are with ai and again, the more powerful the tool, the more caution it requires.

A Discovery without AI

I want to describe a recent experience I had.

I'm inviting you into some of my thinking process lately about this concept I've been working on called The Eight Gears of Work. I go into some detail about it in episode 33, and in short, these eight gears are as follows. There's "Be", how we are without any intention, I should say.

There's consider where we reflect on it. There's our approach where we start dealing with the emotions involved. There's a visit where we are with the work, whatever we do, whether we do anything or not, there's our beginning where we start to iterate. There's complete, which is where we dedicate ourselves to completing the task or project.

There's schedule where we line ourselves up in some synchronization with other people or other times. And lastly, there's perform, where we do things with real live stakes.

And in any case, I was thinking of it as a way to represent, how to manage our sense of, I don't wanna, in the midst of it all,

So what's the spectrum here? What is the line from one end to the other? And my first response was effort.

But then I quickly realized that that was wrong, but I didn't know what was right. Is it engagement? Is it agency? Is it that extension into the world? How does it relate to those? I don't want a feelings. Why is it that the further you go, the stronger those feelings can become?

I had a strong temptation to take the currently 200 plus slide keynote presentation, all my process thoughts on the matter, and then maybe, uh, however many thoughts I have in my my Devon Think app where I have a ton of text files and just throw 'em into my AI app.

And say, here, please make sense of this, but what was that impulse?

The Vital Tension of Not Knowing

There's this tension that comes from not knowing. Creativity is about discovering something in the act of creating it. When we don't know something, we hold on to that not knowing. Maybe we write our questions, maybe we write what we wanna explore, but that feeling, that tension that lives within us when we get an answer to something from elsewhere, we risk bypassing that important path of growth through ourselves, where that release of tension that would come from discovery would create an effect within ourselves.

In the regular visits to the project. I kept coming to the words extension and engagement, and I suddenly realized this focus on agency, this skill and ability to decide and engage non-reactively, not on doing, for example.

So in this reflection, I came to this realization, oh, I've modeled this perspective of agency. Now, I don't know how entertaining this is to you, but for me it was important because now I have a way to describe and help people with those "i don't wanna" feelings in an even better way. I have a more solid foundation within myself that I could then translate.

If I had asked AI to solve my problem, maybe it would've come up with something like this maybe. But I doubt it, more importantly, it was crucial that I did not rely on it to prematurely resolve that sense of tension within me.

Tension and Agency

That tension without irony is exactly what agency is about. Our ability to sit non reactively with our emotions, with our sensations, where ideally, that they can no longer be driver, but instead messenger, had I allowed that tension to be a driver, I would've jumped right into the AI to give me the answer, Hey, tell me what, what, where I need to go.

And so AI is certainly powerful. But I wonder how much of our recent concerns that are bandied about on the internet relate to this idea? Could AI be something by which we abandon our sense of agency?

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Listeners will uncover how our relationship to endings influences our ability to begin, and how mindful transitions can help us rebuild trust in our focus. We unpack four subtle fears—the fear of the groove, of distraction, of the unfinished, and of courage—and discover how embracing closure can unlock momentum.

Link to ADHDinos - a delightful comic on ADHD: https://www.instagram.com/adhdinos/?hl=en

Takeaways:

• Recognize how fear of endings quietly blocks beginnings.

• Learn mindful strategies to release time vigilance and ease into focus.

• Rebuild self-trust through small, intentional completions.

This episode also features an original piano improvisation, “From Fall,” a contemplative piece in a minor key that mirrors the mood of transition and soft courage.

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulFocus #TimeAnxiety #ADHDProductivity #NeurodivergentLiving #SelfTrust #FlowState #FocusRhythms #EmotionalRegulation

Transcript

There's a wonderful ADHD based comic called ADHDinos Two Dinosaurs talk to each other, and in this particular comic, one of 'em says to the other, Hey, what's wrong? You seem stressed. The other says, well, I've got a thing at five. Well, that's six hours from now. You still have the whole day ahead. I'm confident you can accomplish a lot in that time.

The other one lying on the floor. says my day has absolutely ruined

Dealing with "A thing at 5"

What do we do when we have a thing at five?

We could seemingly do any number of things before five, consciously, rationally, we might even be able to calculate. Such and such would take an hour and that would take half an hour and this errand and that report and the dishes and whatever, and yet we're paralyzed.

Why can't we seem to get much of anything done at all until that time? I think an important clue comes from the paralysis itself. Because paralysis stems from fear. And in fact there are likely several fears. So I'd like to go through about four of them here and see where we get.

Fear of the Groove

The first fear is the groove.

What if I get into a groove? Seemingly getting into a groove would be a wonderful thing. We get into the work, diving in and maybe even enjoying a sense of developing meaning somewhere within and through our lives.

But there's that hyper focus. There may well have been times in our life where we got into a thing and just couldn't seem to get ourselves out.

Maybe we're thinking, Ugh, I can't let go now. I've been procrastinating on it forever. I'm in it now, and I never know if I'll ever be able to come back. And so what if I do a little more now? Oh, I can still make it to that next thing. Maybe I'll be a few minutes late. That's okay. Oh, no, I'm missing it. Oh, no. I'm ashamed that I'm terribly late. I may as well not go at this point.

Yeah, I think a number of us have probably been through that one. The fear of not being able to stop is a real one. There have been times where we've not been able to stop.

We might even fear that we would entirely lose sight of the thing at five. Our sense of time has likely not been our ally, and so we do not trust ourselves for good reason.

Maybe we've tried alerts and we blow those off. Maybe someone calls and we ignore the phone. Without the sense that we might be able to break away, we feel doomed and the day is ruined.

Fear of Distractions

The second fear is that of distraction, mental turbulence, interference to working memory. We may well have a history of getting distracted in whatever it is we're doing, environment or anxiety or some other strong emotion, thinking about plans, daydreaming, incomplete projects and decisions floating into mind, stumbling into doing two or even three things at once, losing a sense of connection between this and that, flooding ourselves with confusion.

As we then seek relief in some emotion that might bring some cohesion to our mind state, whether it's playful, whether it's urgency, we're just looking for the relief of one thing.

All of it can have us lose sight of that thing at five. And so together with a lack of trust in ourselves that we wouldn't be distracted from any signal to remind us of the thing at five, we stay vigilant.

So to compensate, we keep our eye on the clock, hoping we don't look away at the wrong time. But as a result of this, we can't invest ourselves in the thing that we'd like to get into before five.

Vigilance is exhausting, paralyzing us with this understandable fear.

Fear of the Unfinished

The third fear is what might be called the unfinished symphony. What if I can't get back into the groove? Let's say we do start a thing before five and we're able to stop, but what if we've got this history of leaving projects incomplete? The worry is that we would now risk placing yet another thing in the pile of incomplete projects shaming us from the corner.

When we're working, we often don't know how something might appear in the end, how we might get there, and often both. And as a result, we cannot guess the time it would take. And unfortunately with the lack of trust in ourselves that we could end something on time or pick it back up if left incomplete, we're left with the impossible goal of trying to figure out if the thing can be done in the time we have available.

As soon as there's a thing at five, our time has become limited and our work is shot.

Fear of Courage

And I add one more fear, which may or may not relate, but somehow it seems to fit in my own head.

What if the thing we want to get into before five requires some courage?

Dealing with a sense of maybe we're not intelligent enough to do a thing. Maybe the depth of field of it is too vast for us to comprehend. Maybe we're too old to start now, too young to start now. We'd never be able to get good enough among any other possibility.

Similar to our lack of confidence to estimate time here, we lack a confidence in our own abilities, which then would translate to, I'm not sure how long this would take. The work of mounting courage, acknowledging the risk, knowing we might fail, are not insubstantial, and while we're frozen in vigilance, the resources to mount that courage are not available.

Fears of Endings

Common to all of these fears are the endings. In other words, our difficulty in starting is often related to our fear of how we may or may not be able to handle the endings. If we can practice how we end things, we would then be in a better position to start them.

If we feel we can set something aside that we can trust ourselves to return, or better yet make a clear decision as to where it does or does not fit in our lives, and then stay out of our way in the meantime, we can start.

If we feel that we might be able to not only hear an alert, but it's well positioned to help us transition when it felt like we could smoothly do so, so that the work could then stay out of our way until it meaningfully be picked up again, that we could trust ourselves to be able to make those decisions and engage, we can start.

More fundamentally, we'd feel that the thing at five is more or less safe because we can end.

We practice mindfully bringing our mind to the momentum of work. It's not that we have bicycle strength brakes, it's that we are like a boat on water. We can practice our endings and as we do so, we improve our beginnings.

I'll end with a quote from a book that I've cited in a recent episode. The, uh, Hagakure book of the Samurai. in the Kamagata area, they have a sort of tiered lunchbox they use for a single day. When flower viewing upon returning. They throw them away, trampling them underfoot.

The end is important in all things.

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The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Listeners will discover practical ways to approach decisions with clarity and gentleness, learning how to work with their ADHD rhythms instead of against them. This is not about forcing productivity—it’s about developing mindful structure, emotional insight, and trust in our intuitive process.

In this episode, we explore:

• How emotions guide decision-making and shape focus for ADHD minds.

• A mindfulness-based technique to ease decision fatigue and anxiety.

• How to transform choices into creative, intentional acts of agency.

The episode closes with an original piano composition, Icicle Drips, to help listeners ground in reflection and calm.

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulFocus #ADHDMindfulness #DecisionFatigue #NeurodivergentCreativity #CreativeFocus #IntentionalLiving #ADHDWellness #MindfulProductivity

Transcript

Should I or shouldn't I? What should I have for dinner? What if I did this or maybe I should do that. But if I do this, then what if it goes wrong? Well, if I don't decide, well, that's a decision too, isn't it?

Decisions do weigh heavy, don't they? What gives?

Matters of Great and Little Concern

There's a quote I like that I got from, watching this movie called Ghost Dog. It's a Jim Jarmusch film, main character, quotes from the book Hagakure, the Book of the Samurai,

" Matters of great concern, should be treated lightly matters of small concern should be treated seriously."

I dunno how well I follow that advice, but it is something curious.

The Weight of Decisions

Decisions are in no way simple. Even the seemingly small ones, like deciding what to order at a restaurant, making small purchase, these can weigh us down into paralysis. Meanwhile, large ones like considering a change of professions, a move and more, these can plague us. They occupy the crevices of our every day, miring us in this anxieties, fears, regrets, and more.

Sometimes we don't even realize we had a decision we could make until some regret form somewhere later, too little, too late. Or we leave them undecided as they create and sustain multiple waves and storms within us, worsening that scatter of a wandering mind.

So decisions can certainly weigh heavy. When we decide, we cut, the word having the same Latin root as homicide, for example.

We go this way and not any of the others. The universe of possibilities collapse into one.

In fact, one piece of advice for decision leverages this, where we use a coin flip, not because we follow where it lands so much as we realize what's important to us. Something that we don't see or feel in our emotional landscapes until that coin is in the air. And this gives us a clue.

Risk and Loss - Decisions and Consciousness

Every decision involves risk or loss. If it didn't, there wouldn't be a decision. We'd simply act. Consciousness itself may only exist for the reason of decision if we are to adopt a neuropsych analytic point of view. That even echoes William James from 1890 who had said "consciousness seems to arise only in response to a problem."

It's like the brain doesn't call attention to itself until some system of pattern matching is off.

We have tension, frustration, excitement, play care. Emotion- all of these cresting into thought as they brush into consciousness.

Decisions rest on the sea of sensation, intention and emotion. Emotions connect into and through the deepest recesses of our mind and beyond emanating from meaning that we can only partially understand.

We sail these seas from a singular point flowing on and within this moment of now, and we think we decide which emotion, which wave of focus will I sail.

Agency. This ability and skill to decide and engage non-reactivity begins when we pause, examining these emotions as they are. We can maybe sense the meanings behind them.

What are the associations? What comes to mind?

Decisions as Creative Acts

What we might sense then is that decisions themselves could even be a creative act. As these ideas do come to mind, we can place one with another. Set this option with that until no new information comes to mind there.

And if decisions can be a creative act, well, what if we supported them in the ways we would support a creative act?

For example, what if we were to hold that intention to decide to capture it in the power of a task? But not just any task, a regularly repeating considered task.

For example, let's say we're ruminating on the decision to move, the ideas keep coming to mind, weighing us down. They do so because the decision's never completed and it has no boundaries. It doesn't have a place. So it is given free reign to spill over into every thought. By writing a regularly repeating task that says something like, "consider moving." We can give that decision a place, a time within our day for us to reflect, to be creative with it.

We can give it our full attention, at least for a few moments, and sometimes that makes all the difference. If that task can appear somewhere we trust we can see it, if we can take that moment that maybe a deep breath worth of time, we can allow the thoughts and more importantly, the emotions, the reflections to come to mind.

Ideally, we would give these thoughts space to form and settle.

At that point. We've fully acknowledged the decision and the options that are there. We might feel the risk, we might feel the anxiety, but they're not changing.

With this structure, we have a place for a decision to rest, to build with that caring, creative spirit, rather than only be fueled by anxiety and the fear of regret.

It's there that we can feel the risk of one option or another. Mount the courage and then cut.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

We address common feelings of being overwhelmed and questioning self-worth. The confusion that sometimes comes mistaking care with worry and highlighting the burdens that can bring.

We delve into how care, when practiced skillfully, can help individuals better support themselves and others.

The episode concludes with a relatable Reddit comment on simplifying life's purpose to care and an original musical piece titled 'Aging.'

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #focusstrategies #neurodivergent #findingfocus #RhythmsofFocus #ADHDPodcast

Transcript:

I'm being pulled, every which way. I need to do the dishes, I need to do the laundry, I have to write the report - maybe I just need to rest.

If I tell others I can't do this right now, they might tell me I don't care enough.

Well, do I not care enough? How do I know if I'm being selfish?

The Push/Pull of Caring

In our younger days, we may have turned in so-called sloppy work. Often some comment of not caring enough is applied somewhere along the way.

Said enough times, we might wonder about this of ourselves. Maybe it's true.

Wandering minds already have enough to struggle with. To stay on track we can create any number of guides, lists, markers, all these sorts of things that help us move forward.

But in the meantime, even with these in helping us, we often have to pull ourselves back from one thing after another.

We move into one thing, we get distracted. We dive deep into another, we might have to fight to pull ourselves out.

It can be terribly exhausting, and yet there are still things to do.

Wallowing in the Overwhelm of Caring

Do we not have enough willpower? Or is it that we don't care enough?

Even when we say, "I don't care," the fact that something entered our mind, even to negate it, means that something about it has our attention.

In this way, caring is hardly some binary thing.

What is care?

What is it though? What is care?

In one sense, well, it's an emotion. We can even point at it neuroanatomically: pathways and transmitters, dendritic connections and the like.

We can also see it as an emotion in the sense of that which brushes into consciousness. Whether gently in barely perceptible waves or in crushing impossible storms.

What I think is often missed in discussions about care is that it's more than an emotion. Beyond that, it is this spirit and practice.

Harnessing the Power of Care

Care flows through, and with, emotion. Emanating from meaning in the stories of our lives into that of perception, thought, action — at the very least.

Often, care can be this wonderful spirit around which we can organize ourselves; doing the things that we feel to be helpful to those around us.

Care involves a depth of attention on something.

It's the spirit that nourishes, that creates the bed of intuition, that tempers and guides strength, the force of mystery of a force at all.

We care in considering, when we rest our minds in some experience, our interests, our intentions attuning to what is.

Ideally, we may even take our time. Find patience to reach some gentle acknowledgement where our decisions are deliberate. We can heighten that powerful measure of being. Agency itself.

When we care for others, when we care for ourselves, when we care for the emotions of play and curiosity and discovery within ourselves.

We can often fly on this feeling of mastery, meaningful work, and meaningful relationships.

The Invisible Weight of Caring

But there can be a burden to caring. As a spirit, it's eons old, an entity carried within and through us from the inception of whenever life began to care for life.

Care is its own life, running deep within us. And as a spirit, it has its own needs. It draws resources from us. It takes our time, our attention, the materials of ourselves. And resources are limited. Caught within us.

Care can be pressed and pulled in many competing directions. Loved ones, ourselves, multiple others.

Because of limits, we must make decisions and sometimes they are terribly difficult, sometimes at our sacrifice, sometimes at others, and often at both.

In losing sight of limits, we often then wonder whether we care enough, that we don't care for everything then, and somehow because of that we are terrible.

It's not the care itself that is limited, so much as it is the resources.

In losing sight of these limits we then might wonder, do we care enough? And if we don't, that somehow we're terrible.

Often, this leads into a feeling of burden. We may even resent the feeling of care itself, sensing that burden. That sense itself, in turn, can feel selfish — touching off feelings of guilt and shame and more as care's complexity grows.

Care Confused with Worry

Sometimes care is confused with worry. Worry, anxiety, these signals that something might be wrong, something's amiss. Maybe something might happen in the future. There's some risk for loss.

We might then feel that in order to care, we have to exacerbate that feeling, indulge it, stir it, stoke it, fan the flames.

But this too becomes a path where we might exhaust ourselves into a sense of worry that we are uncaring, not just exhausted.

Often, then that leads to some method of abusing ourselves, shaming ourselves, yelling at ourselves, accusing ourselves of being uncaring.

Maybe that would help us care more, that would help us get the things done.

If we continue to use worry as our measure of care, we might try to bring risk to zero. Essentially attempting to rid ourselves of anxiety as the measure.

But worry cannot be brought to zero. We not only exhaust ourselves, but risk crushing others. We smother.

Other Confusions of Care

Care may even be fused or confused with righteousness. This attempt to be good or moral then perverted into cruelty.

Of course worry can relate to care. It's a message of something that might be injured or lost. To the degree we can, perhaps an ideal, we can acknowledge that message and say, "Thank you, I'll take it from here."

Even here, we must be able to accept risk, limits, and mortality itself as an inevitability in order to care well.

Even more maliciously, care can be hijacked by others who intend to manipulate. A weaponizing of vulnerability, an indulgence of victimhood to pull at the heartstrings.

Whether done consciously or unconsciously, we may end up sacrificing ourselves, perhaps inadvertently. Losing the path's care we could have otherwise offered to others.

In this way, care is not simply some unmitigated good. Care needs its own care.

And of course, as we care for ourselves, we can care better for others. Doing so, beyond spirit then, beyond emotion, care is a skill. And as a skill it can be practiced.

Sometimes it's simple. Putting on your mask before putting someone else's on, is very much this practice.

Nurturing Our Care Practice

Care, also as the mother of consideration, of acknowledgement, as the holder of agency, can be practiced.

When we anchor ourselves considering the options of the moment. When we pause at the edge of action. When we pause to consider how to guide our momentum of the moment.

When we recognize the limits of our working memory. When we know and stand up for the limitations we've discovered. When we pay attention to our frustration and sense.

When we pay attention to our frustration and use it to help find the ease within it. To discover a way forward.

When we clear and support paths for the development of things we find meaningful. When we recognize the limits of our lives, our days, and feel the pain in those limits without indulging them, without ignoring them.

We practice care.

I'd like to close with a comment that I'd read on Reddit. It goes like this, "When I was younger, I had many dreams and complex purposes like getting rich, become a famous doctor, and things like that. By living life and having experiences, good ones and bad ones, job and relationships and life overall, I learned that a simple purpose made me happier than ever.

And that purpose is to care. Care for my family. Care for those in need, care for my dogs. Now I just care and that's my purpose 'til the day I die.

"Aging" in C minor

The following piece is written in C minor. It's titled Aging. The name comes from the idea that its initial seed, the first aspects of what I used to create the piece itself, comes from one of, if not the earliest kept phrases that I wrote.

Now since then, the phrase has changed. I can't stop change. In fact, if the piece does stop changing, it tends to die. I lose interest and never play it again.

But I do have a say in guiding it. In fact, isn't that a sign of care itself? I hope you enjoy the piece.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

How can we understand the truth within this seemingly odd idea?

We’ll explore how to gently reframe errors as part of our creative rhythm, not as failures that derail us. We'll consider how to distinguish between

- an error (a deviation from our path),

- a mistake (an unacknowledged error), and

- a lesson (an acknowledged opportunity to learn).

This episode features an original piano composition called *Enter*

For more, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

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Transcript

 A jazz musician. Miles Davis once said, "don't fear mistakes. There are none." Now I might wonder if that would go for the pilot flying my plane, there's still a powerful depth of truth and beauty in the statement.

Today's episode, I'll be reading a passage from my book, workflow Mastery about Error, mistake, and Lesson.

And I hope you enjoy it. 

 I make mistakes. I'm convinced that no one can avoid making mistakes despite the authority with which miles may make his claim.

But there's a beauty and truth within that phrase. Do not fear mistakes. There are none.

While I do not know for certain if "no mistakes" is applicable to every craft beyond art, its presence as a path in art is undeniable.

The lesson as I understand it, is of learning and adapting to what is originally perceived as error so that it becomes a path towards mastery, even in the moments of improvisation.

I imagine that at least some of this concept bears truth in all endeavors. We can distinguish the ideas, the concepts between error, mistake and lesson.

An error is a perceived deviation from a path towards a vision.

Deviations are influenced by whatever reality throws at us. Reality may include any object, including those external to ourselves or even meaning itself. If, for instance, we assume a meaning of something to be different than what it does mean, maybe by way of not seeing it's unconscious elements, then it's an error.

 On the other hand, we may discover some incompatibility between vision and reality. In setting the alarm clock for 6:00 AM to begin a 7:00 AM workday, we may have neglected to take into account the preparations for the morning and the commute amounting to 75 minutes of time.

A mistake is an unacknowledged error.

A lesson is an acknowledged opportunity to learn, such as an acknowledged error.

So in this way, acknowledgement is precisely the difference between mistake and lesson. The degree to which an error is acknowledged in a depth of its details is the degree to which the lesson it provides may become useful.

We may then decide for or against developing that lesson as an intention for learning.

Acknowledgement allows an error to become a lesson. It brings an object's consideration to our sense of agency. We can then create the playgrounds, workspaces, habits, systems, and other means of organizing to effectively develop any intention based on this error, and we turn it into a lesson.

In the case of the alarm, we may ignore it or chastise ourselves for being lazy or incapable of predicting time. We may instead decide it's meaningful to sleep and therefore make arrangements for an earlier time for bed. On the other hand, we may realize a much greater meaning found in a sense of irritation with the work itself, and that we've just unconsciously acted out against it.

It becomes clear that errors may be viewed as not necessarily objects themselves so much as their misalignments between vision and reality.

The degree to which we can acknowledge the discrepancies between vision and reality is the degree to which we can see the depth of meaning behind our errors, the fault lines, and consequently turn them into useful lessons, as daunting as that may be.

A troublesome societal comment is that we only fail when we stop trying. Well, this may ring true in some sense. It does not take meaning into account. The energy of our lives measured in motivation and time is limited. Deciding that we've made an error in placing our efforts poorly and then consciously and carefully recalibrating is not failure.

It's learning. We fail if we stop trying to find and develop a meaningful flow as a union of play and work in our lives, not in completing some specific task or project.

If though, we find we must repeatedly drop or change varying projects. Such a process can be very disheartening. Wading through the confusion of repeated incomplete visions threatens to drown us in a lack of confidence.

Any potential lessons offered by error can be mired in these feelings of futility.

A compass of meaning, however, can provide continuous direction. We can break down the obstacle before us into smaller and smaller components until finally that smallest aspect of the obstacle may be overcome.

We can do it again and again. Learning from our errors and presumptions, organizing, reorganizing, gaining courage, confidence to continue moving forward.

All the while we can acknowledge that the onslaught of unrewarded attempts may very well continue. If we realize the path before us is mistaken, or its meaning has been lost, we can rest in a pause to reflect upon meaning.

The compass may yet change what we thought was important, may only have been a facet of something deeper. We might decide to continue forward despite the hostility of conditions before us.

Sometimes we do require luck.

Creative works may require a degree of being in the right place at the right time, and many artists whose works are not accepted when an audience is unable to hear or see the meaning of the work, whether because of the lack of development or because the myriad conditions for its communication were just not right.

 So much of the groundwork to develop our art is communication is below the radar of community. Years and years may be spent in isolation before we've mature and craft something suitably. Find a receptive audience, cultivate a good path for the communication of that work, and there's no guarantee that it ever will be found.

Yet. Continued persistence is required for meaningful work to have a chance at finding a community. For this reason, among others, I define success as the process of bringing play into work such that the world feeds back and sustains that person in play.

Failure is when we stop the continued attempts of finding and fostering the conditions for play that ultimately develops a sense of meaning.

The mistake is not adapting or learning. Mistakes are a matter of perspective. If they're viewed as ends, then there are failures.

If we are without error, it is only because we haven't tried.

Every attempt to connect with the world requires adjustment. Each attempt to reach out in intention or question is a fumbling of sorts.

It's not that we do not perceive error so much as it is the grace with which we fumble, by which there are no mistakes. The elegance, integrity, honesty, and attempt to learn from our inevitable misalignments between vision and reality, give us our continued path toward mastery.

 Today's piece of music I won't say too much on. I think it's a pretty piece. It's called Enter. I performed it live in October of 2025. I hope you enjoy.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

We reflect on why “I don’t wanna” feelings are not failures of willpower but signals from our emotional world, and how redefining motivation can help us align emotion and intention without shame or force. We also walk through the Eight Gears of Focus, a gentle framework for moving from simple awareness into meaningful action, completion, and performance in a sustainable way.

Listeners will learn:

- How to see emotions as waves moving through awareness, rather than enemies to overpower.

- How “force-based” productivity (shame, urgency, pressure) quietly erodes our sense of agency—and what to do instead.

- How to use the Eight Gears of Focus to locate where flow is blocked and create kinder, more rhythmic next steps.

This episode also features an original piano composition that mirrors the movement from hesitation into grounded focus, supporting a calmer nervous system as we listen. To stay with us on this journey of mindful productivity for wandering minds, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more resources and practice invitations.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #EmotionalRegulation #Hyperfocus #Agency #Motivation #Neurodivergent #PianoMeditation #RhythmsOfFocus

Transcript

Stuck Between Inaction and Hyperfocus

I cannot act. If I act, I'm in hyperfocus and my emotions. Well, they're dysregulated, as they say. Why are there so many problems? Where's the commonality between these? What can I do?

 ADHD, Wandering Minds, and the Question of Action

 I continue to search for some commonality, some simplicity that would explain the wandering mind. With ADHD, the central character in the coterie of wandering minds, it's useful to hear out the experts.

Dr. Russell Barkley says, "ADHD is not a disorder of knowing what to do, it's a disorder of doing what you know at the right times and places."

Is It Willpower, Free Will, or Something Else?

What is it to not be able to act? Is it a lack of free will? The alignment of emotion and action are disrupted at the moments that would otherwise be meaningful to us? Sometimes we point at motivation. There's something can be said about this, but often that idea of motivation, this messy word can raise the cackles on the back of our collective necks, conjures the idea of willpower.

Redefining Motivation for the ADHD Brain

But these depend on our definitions. I define motivation as the degree to which our emotions align with our intentions. One trouble, however, are these pesky, "I don't want our feelings," powerful and complex as they can be, and they don't align. So how do we align our emotions and our intentions?

Defining Emotion

Well, first, let's consider what emotions even are.

Certainly there are multiple approaches from the spiritual to the practical, to the molecular and beyond. Rather than say what's right, I'm simply going to define it here, and now.

Emotions are that which flows into consciousness, whether by brush or by storm.

Essentially, whatever comes to mind. Is the cresting of an emotion.

Perception as Emotion and the Role of Resonance

Now, this is a very different definition than what you're likely used to. Words, ideas, actions all crest into and through consciousness from emotion. What that means is that perception is also an emotion. Something outside of us resonates with something inside of us. If there was nothing within us with which to resonate, it wouldn't register. It would not reach conscious awareness.

But as emotion arrives, we cannot argue with them. We might find new perspectives, the so-called insight, but even these need to resonate deeply with the most fundamental emotion that of trust without which our reality itself crumbles. In order to affect an emotion, we can only do so through affecting the conditions in which it exists, internal and external.

Where “I Don’t Wanna” Feelings Come From

The "I don't wanna" feelings can stem from multiple sources. One perspective is the biological, which simply states it is. The physical structures, the chemistry, the like. All represent objects outside of our sense of agency, perhaps reached indirectly with chemicals, sex, and ice baths.

A psychoanalytic approach is one in which we examine the ideas, sensations that come to mind, consider potential meaning. Meaning is this depth and breadth of connection, conscious, unconscious, and beyond comprising the storehouses, the capacitors, the antenna from which our emotional waves emanate. Story.

We may not want to do something for any number of reasons, such as fear, worry, overwhelm, despair. There are also positive emotions that can throw us off, like excitement for something else, distraction, even playfulness. Any of these in turn might only come to mind Manifesting in ideas and words like,

"I fear what this would say about me. If I were to begin it would mean that I'd have to finish it. And what if I can't finish it? And I've rarely have ever been able to finish things. And what if the thing just stinks anyway?"

More fundamentally though, saying "I don't wanna," can be this foundational stage of our will trying to assert itself, our attempt to regain, if not create a sense of agency. It says, I'm alive. I exist because you want me to go this way and I wanna go that way.

Check out episode nine for more on that.

The Trap of Defining Yourself by Opposition

But being in this way of being has many troubles as the things still need doing. If we only operate out of opposition, we rely on the things we oppose. In this way, we're still being driven by the thing we oppose.

If we define ourselves by not being the opposing side, we've allowed the opposing side to effectively define us, and then we can get angry at the thing that seems to force us the seemingly uncaring others, the deadlines that don't cooperate with each other as well as ourselves for having to work this way.

How Shame, Urgency, and Force Undermine Agency

So we rely on the things we've learned to rely on those things we can trust to circumvent the, "I don't wanna" feelings, namely force. Force is the negative emotions like shame, urgency, and more perhaps is represented by the deadlines and other matters where stakes are involved.

Something's at risk. It doesn't care if we don't wanna.

And so the injuries to our sense of agency perpetuate. Not just biologically, but in the world of meaning, if not identity.

But I'd rather not take the position that we're helpless against ourselves. If we can examine and engage these emotions as they are, learn how we might sail with them, tack against them, we can start directing ourselves in a more deliberate manner.

Over time, we can even learn how to create the conditions for those emotions such as such that their waves are more and more in our favor.

Revisiting the Eight Gears of Focus

In a recent podcast and webinar, I presented what I call the eight Gears of focus. This sort of stretch between one side and another of the types of focus and the flow that can happen throughout.

Zero is being the awareness of what's in mind. One is approach. Aligning our intention with attention. Where we choose a feeling we follow, a tension that we try to form into ease. Two.

Consideration -picturing something in our mind.

Three is a visit where we're there with the work. Four is where we begin, we take action confronting the reality of ourselves within the work. Five is where we complete something, a task, a project. We bind ourselves to the external world and structures of things. Six, we schedule where we attempt to synchronize our internal sense of time, the waves as they exist within us with the clocks that we share with others.

And seven, performance where we're examined, assessed in real time, whether on stage or maybe the console is on fire.

Bringing Vitality Through Every Gear

Between all of these, there's a flow from the zero to the seventh. We bring our sense of being, our vitality throughout. The more powerfully we do. So the more practiced we are, the more powerful the performance might be. The more vitality it has at any one of these stages, the more engaged we are.

When I can perform at the piano for an audience, when I can fully be there with my sense of knowledge of therapy and understanding mind for my clients, I can resonate at depth with them. At the zeroth gear of being. We have a sense of meaning, a depth of self-conscious, unconscious, and beyond. At the other end, we're held in place by performance.

Structure Can Trigger “I Don’t Wanna” Feelings

These latter gears show increasing structure, but as a result, have increasing tendency to stir emotions such as the, I don't want to feelings. And using these eight gears, figuring out where we can support ourselves throughout. We can assess where and how our flow might be impeded. Whether you use the tools of the waves of focus, like anchoring, guides and visits, maybe something beyond it like meditation, therapy, or practice of schedules and clocks.

We're attempting to find a way to connect with the world such that it supports us in turn a flow and flowing state of success. We start being able to act from our sense of self.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore how wandering minds and ADHD can turn “done” into “never enough,” and how we can gently reshape that story using an Honor Guide rather than another rigid system. We discover how time blindness, working memory limits, and fragile self-trust quietly fuel our endless to-do lists, and how a visit-based approach can restore a calmer rhythm to our days. We also walk through the three core parts of the Honor Guide—the Engaged, the Horizon, and the Steady—so we can build a meeting ground between our past, present, and future selves.

- We clarify why finishing a project does not settle our nervous system and how to respond with agency instead of pressure.

- We learn how to design an Honor Guide that protects our attention while still honoring our desires and energy.

- We practice shifting from force and deadlines to gentle, daily visits that create sustainable momentum.

This episode also features an original piano composition, “Spoken Speaking Spirit,” as a kind of emotional journaling and time-travel through music. If this resonates, we invite you to subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com so we can keep cultivating these rhythms of focus together.

## Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #HonorGuide #TimeBlindness #WorkingMemory #CreativeFocus #NeurodivergentFriendly #PianoMusic #RhythmsOfFocus

Transcript

> Whew. Finally finished a project. I can't believe it. I finished a project. Time to celebrate. Wait, there's the, oh, I gotta do that one thing first. Well, what about, what about that other thing? Oh my goodness, there, there's zillions of things I still need to do. How does anyone do anything?

### Big Rocks, Hyper-Scheduling, and Endless To‑Do Lists

Organizing the day is not a simple matter. Some suggest setting up three "big rocks", these three large items that you wanna make sure you deal with today. Otherwise, all the little things take over, it can be a highly effective approach.

Others suggest what's called hyper scheduling. It's a method of estimating a time for everything you need or want to do and scheduling every minute on your calendar. It's kind of similar to using a budget for money, but here with seconds, minutes, and hours.

Others create long lists, infinitely long lists. They spend the day scanning that list, searching for something simultaneously easy, important within their energy levels and interest. And these things kind of pile up until the lists, toxicity levels break, and we start a new list.

Well, any of these have their utility, but sometimes they also have their troubles. Even the simple three big rocks. In a recent episode of the rhythms of Focus, I described, uh, four limits to productivity, namely time, working, memory, agency, and trust.

### Time Blindness, Working Memory, Agency, and Trust

Wandering minds in particular struggle with all of these. So-called Time Blindness, a constriction of working memory, an exhaustion of an injury to agency in which we say I don't wanna, and a lack of trust between the past, present, and future selves, such that sending messages between them is rife with strife.

The waves of focus methodology includes a number of tools to help manage, and today, rather than go into so much of the, philosophical underpinnings of it. I just wanna describe what are the rudiments of what I call an honor guide.

Introducing the Honor Guide – A Meeting Ground for Your Selves

The honor guide is a meeting ground between the past, present, and future selves. It has a fairly simple structure, but building it over time is not so simple as it involves the development of trust with oneself.

But, what is the overall structure? Well, three main parts.

### The Engaged List – Visits Instead of Deadlines

One  is a set of things that we're working on. These are things that we're paying daily visits to. If you'd like to know what a visit is, consider listening to episode four. I like to keep this number of things that I'm visiting daily between one and three, and doing so respects my sense of time and agency. I call this list the engaged. It's probably the most parallel to that idea of three big rocks, but again, I like to look at these things as visits rather than milestones I have to achieve in a day.

### The Horizon List – Protecting Working Memory and Reducing Overwhelm

Secondly, there's a set of things that I'd like to get to.

They're waiting for me to get through something in the engaged, maybe something I dispose of, move along, complete whatever it is it's waiting for, its turn to be engaged. I like to keep this number to about five or less. Doing so respects my working memory.

I call this set the horizon,

### The Steady

Thirdly, as I work things into my days, things that maybe they're a project that's now only being maintained. Exercise, for example. I have a sense that I know how to go about it. I've already done the work of putting it into my daily routines.

These are things that no longer have such a strong emotional valence anymore.

And that's it.

I have a way of setting these up in a template for me on paper and a way to do this in my task manager. The one I use is OmniFocus. So you can use any one really.

### Simple on Paper, Deep in Practice, Powerful Benefits

it seems simple and it is simple, but there is a practice to it.

And if you do start to practice it, you might start noticing a few things. , It can be the central hub for attention, this way of thinking through the day. It also gives us a finish line for the day. It orchestrates our visits across time, allowing us a stronger sense of being able to take on larger projects, even complete them. And start creating the rhythms of our focus, figuring out which ones compliment us, where, start having a better sense of what we can and cannot take on. Now, being able to say no where we need to.

We can develop things over time and even see that development. There's less of a need to push ourselves. We can even shift away from deadlines as the pressure that would move us forward and instead we look towards things we'd like to get to do. You create this meeting ground between past, present, and future selves where you can kind of create this trust over time.

Anyway, I think it's a pretty dandy tool and, uh, pretty proud of having developed it. And you know, if you try it out, love to hear how it goes for you.

### Music as Journaling and Time Travel - "Spoken Speaking Spirit"

 There are often tough times in life. I don't think anyone race, religion, money, whatever is spared of some degree of suffering somewhere in their lives. Now, one of those, let's call it extended moments in my own life, I'd written the following piece, originating some decades ago. But as with all of these pieces, they evolve in time.

I remember the struggle, but the stories of our past can shift and shape over time. We can affect our perspectives, our perceptions of the past. I don't mean we have some direct conscious way of rewriting the past, but something does seem to happen whenever it is that we observe it.

And music to me is, uh, something of a journalling, I suppose.

The following piece is called Spoken Speaking Spirit, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

### What we explore

We look at why reading can feel like climbing a mountain, especially when working memory, emotions, and confusion fog the “now” of our attention. We also unpack what “active reading” really means for wandering minds and how we can use confusion, sleepiness, and resistance as gentle signals instead of verdicts against us.

Together, we:

• Reframe mind wandering and re-reading as part of the brain’s natural “formatting” process, not personal failure.

• Practice questions like “What does this have to do with that?” and “What do we know, think, and not know?” to restore agency on the page.

• Explore simple, environment-based supports (like single-path attention and fewer “infinite gravity pools”) that make sustained reading more possible for ADHD minds.

This episode also features an original solo piano composition, “Alight,” inviting us to feel how staying alive in the notes mirrors staying alive in the sentences. If this resonates, we invite you to subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to keep traveling these gentler paths of agency, mindfulness, and rhythm together.

## Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #mindfulproductivity #readingwithADHD #workingmemory #activeReading #neurodivergent #focusstrategies #gentleproductivity #RhythmsofFocus

## Transcript

“I’ve Read This Paragraph Four Times” – When Reading Feels Impossible

I think I've read the same paragraph four times without absorbing a thing. How the heck do people read?   📍 ​

Wandering Minds, Books, and the Mountain of Focus

 for some wandering minds, reading a book is about as difficult as climbing a mountain, mountaineers notwithstanding. Getting to the book at all is one hurdle, and staying with the book is yet another. We might blame that wandering mind, this sense I just can't focus, or maybe I'm not a visual learner well either, might be true.

Interestingly, though, I've met quite a number of those with wandering minds who find reading delightful. This ready made path, easily followed without needing to hold back.

The guardrails of the words and the passage lead them along this gripping story. Now, sometimes they might fall into other troubles like an attention tunnel hyperfocus. It's hard to break out of. While the troubles of being inflow are certainly important and worthy of our attention, I wanna focus today on the other side of matters, which is getting into the book.

When a Book Feels Dead – Boredom, Assignments, and Resistance

There's a sense of deadness, the words, the boredom. We could argue that sometimes a book just isn't very engaging. It's the book's fault, not mine. No, certainly that can be the case too, but I would just say, okay, we'll find another. And then you're saying I'm assigned this one. Well, okay. Okay. I give up.

Let's see what we can do, anyway.  

Chapter 4: Single-Path Attention – Why Planes (and No Wi‑Fi) Help Us Read

There are any number of approaches we can take. In recent episode I describe being on a plane with a book without wifi. We're able to allow our mind to wander about, as opposed to having the internet, hobbies, or other infinite gravity pools pulling, we have the singular path forward for our attention.

Cracking open the book, we can weave back and forth between being and engaging a word here, a sentence there. And sometimes we can even dive deep pretty quickly.

But sometimes if you're like me, you might just fall asleep.

Sometimes I'll even go through waves of falling asleep, open the book, read another sentence, and I'm out again. But after a while, sometimes something clicks and I'm off and running.

Three Ways We “Read” – Sleep, Edit, or Write Something New

My own psychoanalyst years ago would describe his own process of reading, and he said one of three things would happen. One, he'd fall asleep.

Two, he'd start editing the paper, or three, he'd start writing a new paper altogether. Funny enough, he left out reading the paper itself.

The Hidden Stage of Reading – Formatting, Meaning, and Confusion

As we read, I think there's a formatting stage that isn't often discussed. Especially when we're first starting a book, new concepts are coming to mind.

For them to make any sense, we need to reflect on them between what we know, what we don't know, as well as connect things together. When our minds have this tendency to wander, the initial sensation of discovering, difference, and discrepancies isn't always about wonder sometimes that would otherwise draw us in.

Instead, it's about confusion. And because the birth of confusion is often unconscious, we don't recognize what caused it. Confusion appears when something doesn't make sense. Usually two or more things somehow don't connect. Maybe this sentence and that don't seem to have anything to do with each other. And we just went by not realizing it. Maybe an idea just appearing seems to conflict with something Only vaguely remembered from this last page, last paragraph, last chapter.

Or maybe the words stir a set of associations, some thoughts and daydream. Something gets touched off within a recollection, A moment of sadness, joy, shame, excitement. The grocery item you just forgot. Another matter of confusion is how large of a cloud it can create within our minds. Blocking out our working and short term memories.

Working Memory, Fog, and the “Reading the Same Line Again” Problem

Working memory is that part of us that's engaged in this moment. It's the central fovea in the lens of consciousness. Short term memories about the small handful of ideas bouncing in and out of that center is that peripheral vision flowing from into the lens of consciousness. Together, these create the now.

And when confusion appears, it can be this large billowing fog obstructing much of whatever it is that we would see, dragging us off into one thought after the next emotional waves pulling this way in that, mostly unconsciously, until hopefully we can find some clearer skies. We daydream, read the same sentence, the same paragraph over and over.

Sometimes we don't even do that, and instead fall asleep. The wandering mind myopic and magnified it as it is and its views of the now are particularly susceptible to emotions, huge in swallowing as they can be. So how do we regain ourselves? How do we engage and feel alive again?

What “Active Reading” Really Means for Wandering Minds

 We often hear this importance of being active in our reading. Well, what does that even mean? My analyst mentioned either editing or writing, and I agree that these are useful, but sometimes we still need to read that thing, don't we? We can use these feelings, exhaustion, confusion, and the like to recognize that some things somewhere has a disconnect.

I like to use the question, "what does this have to do with that?" We identify. One sentence, one idea. Wherever my mind went, perhaps with something else, perhaps what I just read. Sometimes I discover a connection, and when I do, I'm often feeling alive again, and sometimes I don't. But having asked the question itself somehow helps contain that confusion.

A Gentle Framework – “What Do I Know, Think, Not Know?”

In those times that I've particularly been able to engage, I pause and wonder to myself, what do I know? What do I think about this? What do I not know? In this way the initial stage is not active in some physical sense. In fact, I go in the opposite direction. I pause, I stop reading. I ground myself with what I know, and now when I go back I can argue, I can say, wait a second.

That doesn't make sense. Oh wait, I agree with that, but your foundation is wrong. But I like your conclusion. Maybe I'll even start to write whatever the case. I am alive.

Why You Fall Asleep While Reading – A Theory of Brain “Formatting”

Now, of course, even this is not foolproof. Sometimes I still fall asleep. I have this theory that as I sleep, my brain is formatting itself.

I'm consolidating whatever I'm reading. I know it's more than a theory. There's science to say sleep is good for you and your ability to remember. But I think it goes beyond that. It's this consolidation. It's this bringing together of worlds of thought and idea between myself and another person. And the deeper the resonance into the unconscious worlds, the greater the mysteries of sleep are ready to do their work.

Or I just ate a Turkey sandwich.

  📍 ​

Staying Alive in the Notes - "Alight"

 Today's piece of music is an older piece. I think I wrote it some 20 years ago or so, and as with all my pieces of that age, they tend to evolve. I need to be alive in the performance. If I'm fading out, I think you can hear it in the notes, but it's the life of a piece and the performer that resonates with an audience.

Same thing happens as we read.

 It's that resonance with the author. The following piece is in F Minor. It's called alight, and I hope you enjoy it....]]>When we sit down to read and realize we’ve “read the same paragraph four times,” it can feel like proof that we’re broken. In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore a kinder, more rhythmic way for wandering minds and adults with ADHD to meet the page and actually feel alive in the words.

### What we explore

We look at why reading can feel like climbing a mountain, especially when working memory, emotions, and confusion fog the “now” of our attention. We also unpack what “active reading” really means for wandering minds and how we can use confusion, sleepiness, and resistance as gentle signals instead of verdicts against us.

Together, we:

• Reframe mind wandering and re-reading as part of the brain’s natural “formatting” process, not personal failure.

• Practice questions like “What does this have to do with that?” and “What do we know, think, and not know?” to restore agency on the page.

• Explore simple, environment-based supports (like single-path attention and fewer “infinite gravity pools”) that make sustained reading more possible for ADHD minds.

This episode also features an original solo piano composition, “Alight,” inviting us to feel how staying alive in the notes mirrors staying alive in the sentences. If this resonates, we invite you to subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to keep traveling these gentler paths of agency, mindfulness, and rhythm together.

## Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #mindfulproductivity #readingwithADHD #workingmemory #activeReading #neurodivergent #focusstrategies #gentleproductivity #RhythmsofFocus

## Transcript

“I’ve Read This Paragraph Four Times” – When Reading Feels Impossible

I think I've read the same paragraph four times without absorbing a thing. How the heck do people read?   📍 ​

Wandering Minds, Books, and the Mountain of Focus

 for some wandering minds, reading a book is about as difficult as climbing a mountain, mountaineers notwithstanding. Getting to the book at all is one hurdle, and staying with the book is yet another. We might blame that wandering mind, this sense I just can't focus, or maybe I'm not a visual learner well either, might be true.

Interestingly, though, I've met quite a number of those with wandering minds who find reading delightful. This ready made path, easily followed without needing to hold back.

The guardrails of the words and the passage lead them along this gripping story. Now, sometimes they might fall into other troubles like an attention tunnel hyperfocus. It's hard to break out of. While the troubles of being inflow are certainly important and worthy of our attention, I wanna focus today on the other side of matters, which is getting into the book.

When a Book Feels Dead – Boredom, Assignments, and Resistance

There's a sense of deadness, the words, the boredom. We could argue that sometimes a book just isn't very engaging. It's the book's fault, not mine. No, certainly that can be the case too, but I would just say, okay, we'll find another. And then you're saying I'm assigned this one. Well, okay. Okay. I give up.

Let's see what we can do, anyway.  

Chapter 4: Single-Path Attention – Why Planes (and No Wi‑Fi) Help Us Read

There are any number of approaches we can take. In recent episode I describe being on a plane with a book without wifi. We're able to allow our mind to wander about, as opposed to having the internet, hobbies, or other infinite gravity pools pulling, we have the singular path forward for our attention.

Cracking open the book, we can weave back and forth between being and engaging a word here, a sentence there. And sometimes we can even dive deep pretty quickly.

But sometimes if you're like me, you might just fall asleep.

Sometimes I'll even go through waves of falling asleep, open the book, read another sentence, and I'm out again. But after a while, sometimes something clicks and I'm off and running.

Three Ways We “Read” – Sleep, Edit, or Write Something New

My own psychoanalyst years ago would describe his own process of reading, and he said one of three things would happen. One, he'd fall asleep.

Two, he'd start editing the paper, or three, he'd start writing a new paper altogether. Funny enough, he left out reading the paper itself.

The Hidden Stage of Reading – Formatting, Meaning, and Confusion

As we read, I think there's a formatting stage that isn't often discussed. Especially when we're first starting a book, new concepts are coming to mind.

For them to make any sense, we need to reflect on them between what we know, what we don't know, as well as connect things together. When our minds have this tendency to wander, the initial sensation of discovering, difference, and discrepancies isn't always about wonder sometimes that would otherwise draw us in.

Instead, it's about confusion. And because the birth of confusion is often unconscious, we don't recognize what caused it. Confusion appears when something doesn't make sense. Usually two or more things somehow don't connect. Maybe this sentence and that don't seem to have anything to do with each other. And we just went by not realizing it. Maybe an idea just appearing seems to conflict with something Only vaguely remembered from this last page, last paragraph, last chapter.

Or maybe the words stir a set of associations, some thoughts and daydream. Something gets touched off within a recollection, A moment of sadness, joy, shame, excitement. The grocery item you just forgot. Another matter of confusion is how large of a cloud it can create within our minds. Blocking out our working and short term memories.

Working Memory, Fog, and the “Reading the Same Line Again” Problem

Working memory is that part of us that's engaged in this moment. It's the central fovea in the lens of consciousness. Short term memories about the small handful of ideas bouncing in and out of that center is that peripheral vision flowing from into the lens of consciousness. Together, these create the now.

And when confusion appears, it can be this large billowing fog obstructing much of whatever it is that we would see, dragging us off into one thought after the next emotional waves pulling this way in that, mostly unconsciously, until hopefully we can find some clearer skies. We daydream, read the same sentence, the same paragraph over and over.

Sometimes we don't even do that, and instead fall asleep. The wandering mind myopic and magnified it as it is and its views of the now are particularly susceptible to emotions, huge in swallowing as they can be. So how do we regain ourselves? How do we engage and feel alive again?

What “Active Reading” Really Means for Wandering Minds

 We often hear this importance of being active in our reading. Well, what does that even mean? My analyst mentioned either editing or writing, and I agree that these are useful, but sometimes we still need to read that thing, don't we? We can use these feelings, exhaustion, confusion, and the like to recognize that some things somewhere has a disconnect.

I like to use the question, "what does this have to do with that?" We identify. One sentence, one idea. Wherever my mind went, perhaps with something else, perhaps what I just read. Sometimes I discover a connection, and when I do, I'm often feeling alive again, and sometimes I don't. But having asked the question itself somehow helps contain that confusion.

A Gentle Framework – “What Do I Know, Think, Not Know?”

In those times that I've particularly been able to engage, I pause and wonder to myself, what do I know? What do I think about this? What do I not know? In this way the initial stage is not active in some physical sense. In fact, I go in the opposite direction. I pause, I stop reading. I ground myself with what I know, and now when I go back I can argue, I can say, wait a second.

That doesn't make sense. Oh wait, I agree with that, but your foundation is wrong. But I like your conclusion. Maybe I'll even start to write whatever the case. I am alive.

Why You Fall Asleep While Reading – A Theory of Brain “Formatting”

Now, of course, even this is not foolproof. Sometimes I still fall asleep. I have this theory that as I sleep, my brain is formatting itself.

I'm consolidating whatever I'm reading. I know it's more than a theory. There's science to say sleep is good for you and your ability to remember. But I think it goes beyond that. It's this consolidation. It's this bringing together of worlds of thought and idea between myself and another person. And the deeper the resonance into the unconscious worlds, the greater the mysteries of sleep are ready to do their work.

Or I just ate a Turkey sandwich.

  📍 ​

Staying Alive in the Notes - "Alight"

 Today's piece of music is an older piece. I think I wrote it some 20 years ago or so, and as with all my pieces of that age, they tend to evolve. I need to be alive in the performance. If I'm fading out, I think you can hear it in the notes, but it's the life of a piece and the performer that resonates with an audience.

Same thing happens as we read.

 It's that resonance with the author. The following piece is in F Minor. It's called alight, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

We look at why traditional metrics like lesson completion and streak counts so often backfire for adults with ADHD and wandering minds. We then explore how to shift from checkbox-driven learning into a more playful, embodied relationship with language, work, and creative practice. Along the way, we rethink what it means to “make progress” when our real goal is connection, not just completion.

• Redefine success with measures that actually matter to you, like having a warm, real conversation instead of just hitting 80% on a quiz.

• Bring play, feeling, and immersion back into your learning so that words—and work—start to flow instead of fight you.

• Use milestones as gentle trellises rather than rigid rulers, so your attention can grow in its own, more natural rhythm.

This episode also features an original piano composition, “Petty Walk,” a title born from a happy mistake that became its own small act of creative discovery.

If this resonates, we’d love for you to subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to continue exploring calmer, more humane rhythms of focus.

Transcript

Okay, so if I get 10 in a row, correct, complete the next two lessons and score 80%. Three times I'll be done with studying Spanish today. Wait, how long have I been using this app and why can't they speak Spanish yet?

 If I can speak a single sentence in Spanish without my Cuban mother-in-law looking at me funny, I'll consider it a success. Other reasons for the funny looks notwithstanding.

Meanwhile, I've been using this language app for years now, and I continue to struggle.

Curiously on various forums and subreddits, i've read similar concerns.

Hey, this app is no good. I haven't learned the language yet!

The Real Problem Isn’t the App – It’s How We Measure Progress

I don't believe though that the trouble was the app. Certainly it's not the be all, end all of education. It is crafted quite well, presents things very nicely, and I speak and understand a heck of a lot better than I did before using it.

So what's the trouble?

When Metrics Backfire – Goodhart’s Law in Everyday Learning

The trouble's, the measure. In studying and work and whatever endeavor we engage in, we'd like to have a way to step forward. Complete this. Do that move from here to there. Whatever it is, some measurement comes into play.

The trouble with measuring, though, is how it can disrupt and sometimes even destroy the very thing we are trying to measure. There's a lovely quote, also known as Goodhart's Law, which says,

"when a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure."

I would even argue that most of what is meaningful cannot be measured, whether that's about an idea, a diagnosis, a set of symptoms.

But because completion, time, characteristics, these can be measured, they become our default. Whether in learning and communications and our business transactions, we often function through measures.

How much did this make? How much did you do? When will it be done?

Checkboxes, Burnout, and the Death of Meaning at Work

Measurements are not bad, but they are tools, and the more powerful the tool, the more caution it requires. When we're not cautious, we don't recognize the potential negative effects, we do so at our own peril. In fact, it may even be abused.

For example, what happens at work when we only check the boxes but do nothing else? We could argue, well, we're getting the work done. What's missing is the spirit, the sense of meaning, what builds from vision and life into a living result, whether product, service, or simply being present in the culture, our existence at work becomes devoid of life.

Consider checking out episode two of this podcast in which George Costanza of Seinfeld displays this problem very nicely. Conversely, when our environments where we work, whether employers or coworkers don't care for more than the checkbox, then doing more in terms of thoroughness and care might even be punished.

Not only is the sense of self rejected, but the vitality is accused of being somehow "extra" or an ass kiss or something that may well make things more difficult for those nearby, even if it would be better in the end for all. The environment becomes hostile to joy and meaning, and even success as defined as a flowing union of play and work.

From Milestones to Play – Bringing Life Back Into Learning

When we wonder why we're not learning from an application, it might be more useful to consider

where can I bring life and play into this moment rather than aim for the get through the next lesson goal?

Maybe staring at a single sentence in a foreign language and consider, do I know what this means? Can I say it? Can I play with it?

Or could I use it? Does it roll off the tongue? And if not, can I make it do so? What if I played with the words and the sentences until they flowed smoothly? Can I feel the sentence, can I feel it to where I can say it without having to translate it in my mind?

All of this takes time. All of this moves us away from the measure of completing the lesson.

When Streaks Turn Against You – Mascots, Milestones, and Misaligned Goals

The mascot might get angry and still come after me. It becomes more clear how a measure can actively work against the thing it purports to support. But the milestone or measure is again, not bad in and of itself. In fact, we can now use the milestone of completing a lesson as a framework. A context of support within which we can find that life within the thing.

It's not obvious, and it takes a deliberate focus to do so. It takes that, oh, so difficult. Pause.

The Courage to Pause – Letting Play and Care Take Root

But when we pause, we can now consider and envision lean into the challenge to bring our sense of play and care to bear fruit, to have the language take root where a new channel for our voice can now form.

We can further follow that play towards what one Reddit forum runner suggested. Immerse Yourself. Play, often thrives in immersion. We can read magazines, follow the news, speak with others, and more we can follow that playful sense into new realms beyond the app.

Redefining Success – Better Measures for ADHD-Friendly Mastery

Certainly milestones and completion are important. Measurements are important, but play is vitality. And without it, our measures petrify. Whether we complete or pursue and measure by milestone or not, it'll certainly have their consequences.

Arguing for the spirit of play may even be the work of the brave and the work of the brave often fails as without the potential for failure. What bravery was there anyway? But without playing care, forming, filling the vessels of meaning, what have we got?

And of course, we can create our own measures Maybe. I like the idea of being able to measure, having an easy conversation with my mother-in-law. That seems to be a better measure than any.

Petty Walk, Happy Accidents, and Creative Discovery

Today's musical piece was originally titled Pretty Walk, but I mistyped it and it became Petty Walk. I have no idea what a petty walk might be. But I like the error and I decided to keep it. Creativity, after all, is a discovery of what we're making in the act of making it. Errors are often only deviations from some original vision.

Well, here's the piece. I hope you enjoy it.

Why do wandering minds rebel against orders?

How does honoring our unique mental rhythms restore our sense of agency, especially when ADHD shapes our day to day.

Takeaways:

• Recognize the subtle ways internalized authority undermines our drive—and how to gently reclaim it
• Practice strategies for honoring our past, present, and future selves to smooth task transitions
• Reframe lists and routines as creative allies rather than rigid overseers

This episode features our original contemplative piano piece, “Shallow Breath,” designed to accompany your mindful moments.

Subscribe and join our compassionate community at rhythmsoffocus.com—let’s transform productivity into an art, not a struggle.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #MindfulProductivity #Neurodivergent #FocusStrategies #SelfCompassion #CreativeProductivity #TaskTransitions #RhythmsOfFocusTranscript

Transcript

 I might just might do the dishes now. Oh my goodness, I'm getting up. I'm walking over to the dishes. I'm gonna do it.

Suddenly a voice calls from the other room. Hey, you haven't done the dishes in a while. When are you gonna do them?

Uh, I don't feel like doing them anymore. What just happened?

 Sometimes we're right about to do a thing with our own volition. And somebody else suddenly says, Hey, go do the thing, and suddenly our desire to do it is gone. Our sense of agency was, in a sense, attacked wittingly or otherwise. Our hero already struggling with a want of motivation. Whim, or the muse finally had the winds tickling the sails.

When someone else told them to do the very same thing, the desire was gone. Many of us struggle with being told what to do.

Some blame dopamine. There's not enough. It's outta balance. It isn't interesting or urgent enough. Some make a moral accusation of laziness and the like.

However, when we approach from perspective our ourselves as growing human beings, you might recognize an early template at work. When our environments tell us what to do in this out of tune manner, in some way that doesn't quite recognize where we are, we might reject it.

Clean your room when our minds are elsewhere. When any process of transition is ignored rather than guided, doesn't work, it often creates problems.

The lack of empathy may not have been malicious. It was simply a disengaged approach to a mind that wanders, a mind fueled by, and reveling in play, creativity and discovery.

It may not even have been possible. The transition simply too long in whatever the scope of what needed to happen.

But when these things happen over and over, we absorb this message that our natural mental rhythms are somehow wrong, contrasting with the self that clearly exists, regardless of how wrong we accuse it of being and so we rebel.

Unfortunately, we may internalize the rebellion as well, forming a form of reflex, an unconscious ready path of rejection. We rebel against ourselves. The authority within.

How often have you written, write report, or some similar item on a task list? Only to see it later and then say, well, "not now."

Later. Continues to be later, as later always does, and the task languishes until it sinks below the surface or a deadline threatens from the horizon. We saw our past self as this unempathic authority to reject. When we see the task "do dishes" and the like, our emotions swell reflecting the relationships we've internalized.

Without a simultaneous honoring of our past self, caring for our future selves and respect for our present self, we channel and perpetuate the injuries. Our tasks, lists, and shiny new apps only become the medium.

Music - "Shallow Breath"

 Today's piece of music is a quiet, contemplative one. It's called shallow breath. I hope you enjoy it. 

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

00:00 Sticky Decor Decay

01:37 The Need to Store Intentions

01:58 Trip Wires

03:47 "Sticky Decor Decay"

05:24 SDD as a List

06:19 An Equation Makes Science!?

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #FocusHabits #CreativeAgency #Intentions #SelfCompassion #Neurodivergent #RhythmsOfFocus #PianoMeditation

Transcript

 I gotta do this and I gotta do that. You know what, I'll just leave this thing over here. Yeah, I'll leave this here to remind myself.

Three months go by.

What the heck is this doing here?

The Need to Store Intentions

We can't do everything at the same time. The options are many, but the actions need to be singular. We need to take out the garbage, but something just fell to the floor. We need to remember to move a thing to the garage, but right now we're doing the dishes. We need to buy stuff from the store, but right now we're not going to the store.

Trip Wires

One means of managing this is to use a trip wire.

 What do I mean by a trip wire? Well, a tripwire is a reminder that we set for our future selves. We have some intention now that we're not done with, we'd like to get to, and so we ask our future self,

"Hey, can you pick this up for me?"

The hope is that future self will then see, hear, feel somehow experience this reminder, then pick up that thing and follow through while our present self does whatever else.

We do this all the time. Maybe we put a grocery list on a sticky note by the door, so we see it as we leave the house. Maybe we leave that book by the nightstand to remind ourselves to read it. Maybe we'll leave a vacuum cleaner out in the morning before leaving to work, to remind ourselves, perhaps optimistically, to vacuum later in the afternoon.

The hope is that we'd be reminded about a thing and then do something in that moment.

This can be a viable strategy. That does apply a certain pressure on our future selves and that they need to not only receive that information, but also then act in that moment acting in a way that aligns with present self, including managing those "I don't wanna feelings" when they receive it.

 Even so it's still not the whole picture. For example, I prepared sandwiches for myself for lunch later in the day, only to leave them on the kitchen table, unrefrigerated, only realized when lunch rolls around.

I partially solved the problem with a trip wire by putting it in a plastic bag and hanging it on the doorknob. But then again, sometimes I still forget. I walk through the door, seemingly only mildly annoyed that there's something hanging on the doorknob, as I walk out,

"I have places to go, things on my mind. That thing in the doorknob, well, I'll deal with that later."

"Sticky Decor Decay"

The funny thing about trip wires is that when we don't act on them, they decay. It's not just sandwiches, it's anything. In fact, I've come up with this phrase that's kind of fun to say. It's called "Sticky Decor Decay." Sticky Decor Decay.

It has zero basis in any scientific rigor whatsoever, but I wonder if it might resonate with you, and I'm trying to come up with an equation to describe this. Maybe one that you, dear listeners can help me out with. So if you come up with some ideas and think that it's, uh, I'm onto something, or if you can improve on it, whatever it is, drop me a line.

It goes something like this. When we first see a trip wire, something we've laid out for ourselves, we can address it or not.

When I say addressing something, I mean taking action with it, or maybe changing it, or at least acknowledging its presence, the lack of a possible current action, and what would be necessary to take action with it, and arranging for that.

If we don't address the trip wire, it has, let's say a 50% increased chance of blending into the background.

In fact, every time we don't address it, it keeps fading by another 50%. So, as an example, if the trip wire had a 0% chance of blending into the background in the first instance, we saw it, by the time we pass it five times without addressing it, it has approximately a 97% chance of blending into the background.

It has now become part of the decor. It decays into decor.

Sticky Decor Decay in a List

Now we can see the same process happen with our tasks and lists. For example, let's say you have a list of things to do that dreaded "things to do" list.

Quite easily, items can sit there undone. We jump from one side to another, everywhere in between searching for what's simultaneously easy and important or maybe best aligned with our current state of interest and energy. But somewhere along the way, the tasks in between the serious ones, the heavy ones, the poorly worded ones, the ones that don't reflect our current realities, all that well stick around.

Not only do they stick around. They are ignored and as they're ignored, they seem to accrue like coat hangers in a closet or rabbits in the spring, they just multiply, choking out the list, contributing to that sense of overwhelm. As they multiply, they just glom onto each other. They're sticky, sticky decor decay.

An Equation Makes Science!?

So. Here's an equation I've come up with, and I understand that the audio podcast is totally not the medium for describing an equation, but whatever. I'm gonna do it anyway.

From the get go. A trip wire has a certain percentage chance of standing out. Let's call that T for trip wire.

How well it stands out also depends on the clutter around it. P for physical clutter, M for mental clutter, like scatter, exhaustion, confusion, and more.

But there are also these undercurrents of habits, H of managing that area. For example, if we have a habit of cleaning the dishes in the sink, adding a mug there is an easy to use ready trip wire to remind us to clean the mug. But if we don't have that habit, it doesn't work so well, often just becoming more clutter.

There's also how much the trip wire loses its power over time as we pass it by without addressing it as I was just describing. Let's call that L for power loss. I gave it 50% in the example earlier.

And then there's how many times we've passed it by. We can give that letter N for number, so the equation. T tripwire times H, habit times L, loss to the nth power divided by P times M, mental clutter, all multiplied by K, where K stands for the sticky decor decay constant.

And now because it's an equation, it's totally scientific. If this makes any sense whatsoever to you or not at all, I'd love to hear your thoughts. So the next time you plan to leave something out, to remind yourself to do something, consider writing an equation about it, then making a podcast out of it and consulting your podcast community, then write about it to your newsletter, and that way you don't have to do the vacuuming, at least not just yet.

Wine and Music - "Humming the End"

I once took a wine tasting class. It was my senior year of college, and I remember the teacher saying something along the lines of, there are many things that can go into the taste of a wine, but one thing I appreciate most is how long the taste lasts.

When we listen to music, a similar thing happens.

First pass is really only a formatting of sorts. While much is already there from past listens. This projection we do as we try to understand anything really, there's this new world to discover in sound. The worlds are simple spaces created by left, right, up, down nature of it all. Twos are contrasted with fours highs, with lows, all creating this sonic playground for the mind, this part of ourselves after listening that said, Hmm, I had fun in that playground. I'd like to do that again. It comes out as I'd like to listen again.

Our minds are asking to play in that world to form, to grow our minds associate and bound about. If you have ever found yourself humming along with a piece of music, whether it's the exact notes or some harmony, it's your mind playing.

We listen again and again, though often with decreasing frequencies trailing off as we've learned through that play, whatever it is that we would learn.

Sometimes these pieces become parts of our communities. Our worlds the supportive riverbed for our intentions, if not spirits, we hear them because they mean something to us and sometimes we don't. The swing sets may not fit us anymore.

Either way, we come to some settled place with it. New ideas and sensations only come through as ripples, if at all. No new information comes to mind.

And so I have a similar measure of music as my teacher did with wine. I like it when a piece of music stays with me and I listen to it and I come back to it over time.

I like it when seems to stumble at the beginning. I'm like, what is this? But then as you give it a few more listens, the structure becomes more and more apparent.

That number of times that some part of us genuinely asks to repeat those listens, that length of how long it lasts, it resonates as being a good piece of music.

So this piece of music that I'll play for you now, it's called Humming the...]]>In this episode of 'Rhythms of Focus,' listeners explore the concept of 'trip wires' as a tool for mindfulness and task management. Discover how to set effective reminders for your future self and understand the phenomenon of 'Sticky Decor Decay,' where unaddressed reminders blend into the background over time. Learn actionable strategies to prevent task overwhelm and ensure your reminders stay effective. Plus, enjoy an original piano composition titled 'Humming the End' that underscores the episode's themes. Subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more insights tailored for adults with wandering minds and ADHD.

00:00 Sticky Decor Decay

01:37 The Need to Store Intentions

01:58 Trip Wires

03:47 "Sticky Decor Decay"

05:24 SDD as a List

06:19 An Equation Makes Science!?

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #FocusHabits #CreativeAgency #Intentions #SelfCompassion #Neurodivergent #RhythmsOfFocus #PianoMeditation

Transcript

 I gotta do this and I gotta do that. You know what, I'll just leave this thing over here. Yeah, I'll leave this here to remind myself.

Three months go by.

What the heck is this doing here?

The Need to Store Intentions

We can't do everything at the same time. The options are many, but the actions need to be singular. We need to take out the garbage, but something just fell to the floor. We need to remember to move a thing to the garage, but right now we're doing the dishes. We need to buy stuff from the store, but right now we're not going to the store.

Trip Wires

One means of managing this is to use a trip wire.

 What do I mean by a trip wire? Well, a tripwire is a reminder that we set for our future selves. We have some intention now that we're not done with, we'd like to get to, and so we ask our future self,

"Hey, can you pick this up for me?"

The hope is that future self will then see, hear, feel somehow experience this reminder, then pick up that thing and follow through while our present self does whatever else.

We do this all the time. Maybe we put a grocery list on a sticky note by the door, so we see it as we leave the house. Maybe we leave that book by the nightstand to remind ourselves to read it. Maybe we'll leave a vacuum cleaner out in the morning before leaving to work, to remind ourselves, perhaps optimistically, to vacuum later in the afternoon.

The hope is that we'd be reminded about a thing and then do something in that moment.

This can be a viable strategy. That does apply a certain pressure on our future selves and that they need to not only receive that information, but also then act in that moment acting in a way that aligns with present self, including managing those "I don't wanna feelings" when they receive it.

 Even so it's still not the whole picture. For example, I prepared sandwiches for myself for lunch later in the day, only to leave them on the kitchen table, unrefrigerated, only realized when lunch rolls around.

I partially solved the problem with a trip wire by putting it in a plastic bag and hanging it on the doorknob. But then again, sometimes I still forget. I walk through the door, seemingly only mildly annoyed that there's something hanging on the doorknob, as I walk out,

"I have places to go, things on my mind. That thing in the doorknob, well, I'll deal with that later."

"Sticky Decor Decay"

The funny thing about trip wires is that when we don't act on them, they decay. It's not just sandwiches, it's anything. In fact, I've come up with this phrase that's kind of fun to say. It's called "Sticky Decor Decay." Sticky Decor Decay.

It has zero basis in any scientific rigor whatsoever, but I wonder if it might resonate with you, and I'm trying to come up with an equation to describe this. Maybe one that you, dear listeners can help me out with. So if you come up with some ideas and think that it's, uh, I'm onto something, or if you can improve on it, whatever it is, drop me a line.

It goes something like this. When we first see a trip wire, something we've laid out for ourselves, we can address it or not.

When I say addressing something, I mean taking action with it, or maybe changing it, or at least acknowledging its presence, the lack of a possible current action, and what would be necessary to take action with it, and arranging for that.

If we don't address the trip wire, it has, let's say a 50% increased chance of blending into the background.

In fact, every time we don't address it, it keeps fading by another 50%. So, as an example, if the trip wire had a 0% chance of blending into the background in the first instance, we saw it, by the time we pass it five times without addressing it, it has approximately a 97% chance of blending into the background.

It has now become part of the decor. It decays into decor.

Sticky Decor Decay in a List

Now we can see the same process happen with our tasks and lists. For example, let's say you have a list of things to do that dreaded "things to do" list.

Quite easily, items can sit there undone. We jump from one side to another, everywhere in between searching for what's simultaneously easy and important or maybe best aligned with our current state of interest and energy. But somewhere along the way, the tasks in between the serious ones, the heavy ones, the poorly worded ones, the ones that don't reflect our current realities, all that well stick around.

Not only do they stick around. They are ignored and as they're ignored, they seem to accrue like coat hangers in a closet or rabbits in the spring, they just multiply, choking out the list, contributing to that sense of overwhelm. As they multiply, they just glom onto each other. They're sticky, sticky decor decay.

An Equation Makes Science!?

So. Here's an equation I've come up with, and I understand that the audio podcast is totally not the medium for describing an equation, but whatever. I'm gonna do it anyway.

From the get go. A trip wire has a certain percentage chance of standing out. Let's call that T for trip wire.

How well it stands out also depends on the clutter around it. P for physical clutter, M for mental clutter, like scatter, exhaustion, confusion, and more.

But there are also these undercurrents of habits, H of managing that area. For example, if we have a habit of cleaning the dishes in the sink, adding a mug there is an easy to use ready trip wire to remind us to clean the mug. But if we don't have that habit, it doesn't work so well, often just becoming more clutter.

There's also how much the trip wire loses its power over time as we pass it by without addressing it as I was just describing. Let's call that L for power loss. I gave it 50% in the example earlier.

And then there's how many times we've passed it by. We can give that letter N for number, so the equation. T tripwire times H, habit times L, loss to the nth power divided by P times M, mental clutter, all multiplied by K, where K stands for the sticky decor decay constant.

And now because it's an equation, it's totally scientific. If this makes any sense whatsoever to you or not at all, I'd love to hear your thoughts. So the next time you plan to leave something out, to remind yourself to do something, consider writing an equation about it, then making a podcast out of it and consulting your podcast community, then write about it to your newsletter, and that way you don't have to do the vacuuming, at least not just yet.

Wine and Music - "Humming the End"

I once took a wine tasting class. It was my senior year of college, and I remember the teacher saying something along the lines of, there are many things that can go into the taste of a wine, but one thing I appreciate most is how long the taste lasts.

When we listen to music, a similar thing happens.

First pass is really only a formatting of sorts. While much is already there from past listens. This projection we do as we try to understand anything really, there's this new world to discover in sound. The worlds are simple spaces created by left, right, up, down nature of it all. Twos are contrasted with fours highs, with lows, all creating this sonic playground for the mind, this part of ourselves after listening that said, Hmm, I had fun in that playground. I'd like to do that again. It comes out as I'd like to listen again.

Our minds are asking to play in that world to form, to grow our minds associate and bound about. If you have ever found yourself humming along with a piece of music, whether it's the exact notes or some harmony, it's your mind playing.

We listen again and again, though often with decreasing frequencies trailing off as we've learned through that play, whatever it is that we would learn.

Sometimes these pieces become parts of our communities. Our worlds the supportive riverbed for our intentions, if not spirits, we hear them because they mean something to us and sometimes we don't. The swing sets may not fit us anymore.

Either way, we come to some settled place with it. New ideas and sensations only come through as ripples, if at all. No new information comes to mind.

And so I have a similar measure of music as my teacher did with wine. I like it when a piece of music stays with me and I listen to it and I come back to it over time.

I like it when seems to stumble at the beginning. I'm like, what is this? But then as you give it a few more listens, the structure becomes more and more apparent.

That number of times that some part of us genuinely asks to repeat those listens, that length of how long it lasts, it resonates as being a good piece of music.

So this piece of music that I'll play for you now, it's called Humming the End. After I recorded it, I listened to it and I listen to it again and again. Maybe it's good. Well, I think it's good. I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

• Learn to recognize and move through all eight "gears" of focus, from daydreaming to performing

Every episode features an original piano composition—this time, enjoy “On a Dare” in C minor. Subscribe and find more mindful productivity resources at rhythmsoffocus.com—because your rhythm matters more than rigid rules.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #FocusStrategies #Agency #Creativity #EmotionalWaves #RhythmNotRules #GentleSelfMastery #PianoAndFocus

Transcript

 Sometimes we could just fall right into a project, pick it up, and bam, we're in it. Even when we hit a bump here and there, we can make it through sailing. Other times, sometimes even with the same project, just on some other day, a sense of revulsion can just emanate from it.

Or maybe we barely consider, it doesn't even come to mind, or maybe we start to ruminate about it. Keeps coming to mind and we think, Ugh, I really have to figure that one out. Meanwhile, the deadline creeps along until it crosses that threshold where we finally kick into gear. In either case, whether we're enjoying something or we're trying to avoid it, we go through many of the same steps, and when we know them, we can start to more deliberately take on the things that are difficult or have that, "I don't wanna" cloud around it.

I in fact, count eight different gears in which we can engage something, what I call eight gears of focus.

In a Plane with a Book

Have you ever been on an airplane or some enclosed space? Where you didn't have wifi or minimal distractions, but you do have a book. I imagine somewhere in your life you've been in something of the situation. What happened?

You may well have started to read. Not only that may have even started to get into it and then wondered,

Why can't I always do this?

Somewhere in here you might think you were forced to read 'cause that's all you could do, but I'd suggest that's not really what's happening. In fact, what's happening is that we're supported by the zeroth gear of focus.

There are eight gears of focus that I count starting with this zeroth gear.

When we're good at something, we naturally move back and forth through these gears. Shifting is needed without even thinking about it. Sometimes we support them, sometimes we ignore them and get into a lot of trouble. It's when we get into difficult matters where things really throw us off.

We lose sight of these gears, or we don't even feel them as we naturally progress through them. And that's where we can get into a lot of trouble, like habits that don't take hold and projects that are never followed through.

So today I thought I'd outline these gears.

They're, uh, an important part of the waves of focus course that I've put together for those with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond. But I think we go through all of these gears, regardless of neurology.

See I have this theory that hard work is emotional work. Complex work requires the management of overwhelm. Even physically threatening work like being a firefighter requires the management of fear. Logic itself is a flow of play through seeking and understanding.

Emotion, and at least the definition I use is that which crests into consciousness, whether by caress or crash.

Our focus is our means of choosing and riding one or some set of these emotional waves that are currently brushing into the hull of conscious awareness. And as these waves continue to move, into crash into us, the distractions, the struggles, the confusion, overwhelm, rage, "I don't wanna" feelings and more we have to still navigate amongst them.

We do this all the time unconsciously. Particularly when we're engaged, enjoying a thrilling video game, we constantly are confronted with the challenge. If we weren't, the game wouldn't be successful. Once we hit challenge, we have a means of thinking through what to do and where to go next to explore limits and follow some story step that we co-create, whether to walk into a cave or take the next headshot.

When we consciously are aware of these steps, we're that much better equipped to address the difficult tasks, the hard, the emotional as they present.

Zeroth Gear - Be

So let's begin with the beginning. This zeroth gear of being. In being we're without intention. We stare off into space, we daydream, we simply exist. It would seem silly to call this anything.

How does having no intention relate to work or play or anything related to productivity at all? In the example of the book on the plane, we weren't forced. No one's forcing our eyes into the page. No one's forcing the words to travel into our minds and embed themselves anywhere. Instead, we move rhythmically back and forth, maybe staring first at the fabric of the seat in front of us.

We might look up at the flight attendant and wonder about who they are. Maybe get annoyed at the leg room. I wonder about the person sitting next to us, back to the pattern on the fabric on the seat in front of us. But at some point, maybe we touch the binding of the book, admire its craft or not at all.

Flip the book open. Look through it. What's in the chapter headings? The words start their way in. Maybe an idea comes to mind and then somehow we're back looking at that fabric, that pattern. What is that pattern? Flight attendants coming back. I wonder when I can say what I want to drink, how long it's gonna take, wait, what do I want to drink?

Wait, if I drink, do I have to go to the bathroom? Oh man. And then you're back in the book. On and on. This goes on. But somewhere along the way in this flow back and forth, something happens and we are in it. We can imagine the characters, the foundational principles, the whatever of the book. What started as slow is now this proper flow.

The stories that come to mind, warm us, anger us, capture us in the world between the words.

We could simply be. And when we allowed ourselves to simply be, we also found a way to tune in. We connected at our pace. In pausing, we can space out and allow thoughts and associations to bubble into consciousness. In being we better perceive and receive.

So much of the work of work is in crafting our contexts to be able to support our ability to be, where the thresholds are raised, to avoid going off into other things, but allowing us to be there with what we decide our intention to be.

 So that was our zero gear being.

First Gear - Consider

Now, our first gear is where we begin to relate to our intentions. And intentions about wanting something to be in a different state than it currently is. When concrete, we can see the end state. We know the steps. When it's creative, we cannot see the end or know the steps there.

Instead, a creative intention, something that we have to be creative with, is about discovering something in the act of creating it. Every step reveals something , blurry as that vision may be.

And when we consider, we imagine where we are, where we'd like to be, we allow thoughts to come to mind, we associate in those ideal times where we can allow our associations to come to a standstill or a gentle ripple, simply where no new information comes to mind. We reach that point of acknowledgement. We see those parts as best as we can. We, this moment, as clear as they can be, risks, fears, concerns, they're there, unchanging. Our options are before us, including inaction.

What do I know about this book? What are the chapters? Who are the characters? What can I bring to mind? Where do I think this might go?

Grounding ourselves in our present experience, and the vision that we have gently starts stirring the emotional pools within our mind.

Second Gear - Approach

So zero is being, one is consideration. Two is our approach as we approach. Looking at the book, looking at the project, looking at the garage that's in disarray, whatever the project, somehow we start to feel something. We might even be an immediate hit with a sense of wanting to run away. But if we can stay with that emotion, connect to that tension, that frustration, or whatever the feeling is, doors, windows, portals of challenge might start to appear.

If you've ever done yoga, you might have a physical sense of this.

In approaching a position, you can feel the tension come alive. Paying attention to that tension, you can then slow yourself down, find some simplicity in it, find something small you can do within that tension. If you ignore it well, you might hurt yourself. But in paying attention to it, you start engaging something, growing something, developing something within yourself.

With a book, you might feel overwhelmed, lost in the characters, the ideas confused. We might try to hold on to those feelings of confusion, we can then wonder, what is it that's confusing me? What's overwhelming me? Again, we can slow it down. We can shrink down. We can find some tiny next action, simplify down to a single sentence, if not word.

It's in that slowing down, simplifying, shrinking down, that we can find ease.

 And in finding ease as small as that may be, maybe just brushing the dust off that project that's been sitting there forever, we start to find what we can trust. And finding what we can trust within ourselves, we can start finding that place of play, that spirit, that growth that...]]>Discover eight distinct “gears” of focus—stages we moves through, from simply being, to considering, approaching, and ultimately performing at our best. Honoring each gear transforms frustration and procrastination into creative flow and agency. Drawing parallels to music, emotional waves, and mindful play, this episode invites listeners to see hard work not as a battle, but as a dance with emotion, context, and self-compassion.

• Learn to recognize and move through all eight "gears" of focus, from daydreaming to performing

Every episode features an original piano composition—this time, enjoy “On a Dare” in C minor. Subscribe and find more mindful productivity resources at rhythmsoffocus.com—because your rhythm matters more than rigid rules.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #FocusStrategies #Agency #Creativity #EmotionalWaves #RhythmNotRules #GentleSelfMastery #PianoAndFocus

Transcript

 Sometimes we could just fall right into a project, pick it up, and bam, we're in it. Even when we hit a bump here and there, we can make it through sailing. Other times, sometimes even with the same project, just on some other day, a sense of revulsion can just emanate from it.

Or maybe we barely consider, it doesn't even come to mind, or maybe we start to ruminate about it. Keeps coming to mind and we think, Ugh, I really have to figure that one out. Meanwhile, the deadline creeps along until it crosses that threshold where we finally kick into gear. In either case, whether we're enjoying something or we're trying to avoid it, we go through many of the same steps, and when we know them, we can start to more deliberately take on the things that are difficult or have that, "I don't wanna" cloud around it.

I in fact, count eight different gears in which we can engage something, what I call eight gears of focus.

In a Plane with a Book

Have you ever been on an airplane or some enclosed space? Where you didn't have wifi or minimal distractions, but you do have a book. I imagine somewhere in your life you've been in something of the situation. What happened?

You may well have started to read. Not only that may have even started to get into it and then wondered,

Why can't I always do this?

Somewhere in here you might think you were forced to read 'cause that's all you could do, but I'd suggest that's not really what's happening. In fact, what's happening is that we're supported by the zeroth gear of focus.

There are eight gears of focus that I count starting with this zeroth gear.

When we're good at something, we naturally move back and forth through these gears. Shifting is needed without even thinking about it. Sometimes we support them, sometimes we ignore them and get into a lot of trouble. It's when we get into difficult matters where things really throw us off.

We lose sight of these gears, or we don't even feel them as we naturally progress through them. And that's where we can get into a lot of trouble, like habits that don't take hold and projects that are never followed through.

So today I thought I'd outline these gears.

They're, uh, an important part of the waves of focus course that I've put together for those with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond. But I think we go through all of these gears, regardless of neurology.

See I have this theory that hard work is emotional work. Complex work requires the management of overwhelm. Even physically threatening work like being a firefighter requires the management of fear. Logic itself is a flow of play through seeking and understanding.

Emotion, and at least the definition I use is that which crests into consciousness, whether by caress or crash.

Our focus is our means of choosing and riding one or some set of these emotional waves that are currently brushing into the hull of conscious awareness. And as these waves continue to move, into crash into us, the distractions, the struggles, the confusion, overwhelm, rage, "I don't wanna" feelings and more we have to still navigate amongst them.

We do this all the time unconsciously. Particularly when we're engaged, enjoying a thrilling video game, we constantly are confronted with the challenge. If we weren't, the game wouldn't be successful. Once we hit challenge, we have a means of thinking through what to do and where to go next to explore limits and follow some story step that we co-create, whether to walk into a cave or take the next headshot.

When we consciously are aware of these steps, we're that much better equipped to address the difficult tasks, the hard, the emotional as they present.

Zeroth Gear - Be

So let's begin with the beginning. This zeroth gear of being. In being we're without intention. We stare off into space, we daydream, we simply exist. It would seem silly to call this anything.

How does having no intention relate to work or play or anything related to productivity at all? In the example of the book on the plane, we weren't forced. No one's forcing our eyes into the page. No one's forcing the words to travel into our minds and embed themselves anywhere. Instead, we move rhythmically back and forth, maybe staring first at the fabric of the seat in front of us.

We might look up at the flight attendant and wonder about who they are. Maybe get annoyed at the leg room. I wonder about the person sitting next to us, back to the pattern on the fabric on the seat in front of us. But at some point, maybe we touch the binding of the book, admire its craft or not at all.

Flip the book open. Look through it. What's in the chapter headings? The words start their way in. Maybe an idea comes to mind and then somehow we're back looking at that fabric, that pattern. What is that pattern? Flight attendants coming back. I wonder when I can say what I want to drink, how long it's gonna take, wait, what do I want to drink?

Wait, if I drink, do I have to go to the bathroom? Oh man. And then you're back in the book. On and on. This goes on. But somewhere along the way in this flow back and forth, something happens and we are in it. We can imagine the characters, the foundational principles, the whatever of the book. What started as slow is now this proper flow.

The stories that come to mind, warm us, anger us, capture us in the world between the words.

We could simply be. And when we allowed ourselves to simply be, we also found a way to tune in. We connected at our pace. In pausing, we can space out and allow thoughts and associations to bubble into consciousness. In being we better perceive and receive.

So much of the work of work is in crafting our contexts to be able to support our ability to be, where the thresholds are raised, to avoid going off into other things, but allowing us to be there with what we decide our intention to be.

 So that was our zero gear being.

First Gear - Consider

Now, our first gear is where we begin to relate to our intentions. And intentions about wanting something to be in a different state than it currently is. When concrete, we can see the end state. We know the steps. When it's creative, we cannot see the end or know the steps there.

Instead, a creative intention, something that we have to be creative with, is about discovering something in the act of creating it. Every step reveals something , blurry as that vision may be.

And when we consider, we imagine where we are, where we'd like to be, we allow thoughts to come to mind, we associate in those ideal times where we can allow our associations to come to a standstill or a gentle ripple, simply where no new information comes to mind. We reach that point of acknowledgement. We see those parts as best as we can. We, this moment, as clear as they can be, risks, fears, concerns, they're there, unchanging. Our options are before us, including inaction.

What do I know about this book? What are the chapters? Who are the characters? What can I bring to mind? Where do I think this might go?

Grounding ourselves in our present experience, and the vision that we have gently starts stirring the emotional pools within our mind.

Second Gear - Approach

So zero is being, one is consideration. Two is our approach as we approach. Looking at the book, looking at the project, looking at the garage that's in disarray, whatever the project, somehow we start to feel something. We might even be an immediate hit with a sense of wanting to run away. But if we can stay with that emotion, connect to that tension, that frustration, or whatever the feeling is, doors, windows, portals of challenge might start to appear.

If you've ever done yoga, you might have a physical sense of this.

In approaching a position, you can feel the tension come alive. Paying attention to that tension, you can then slow yourself down, find some simplicity in it, find something small you can do within that tension. If you ignore it well, you might hurt yourself. But in paying attention to it, you start engaging something, growing something, developing something within yourself.

With a book, you might feel overwhelmed, lost in the characters, the ideas confused. We might try to hold on to those feelings of confusion, we can then wonder, what is it that's confusing me? What's overwhelming me? Again, we can slow it down. We can shrink down. We can find some tiny next action, simplify down to a single sentence, if not word.

It's in that slowing down, simplifying, shrinking down, that we can find ease.

 And in finding ease as small as that may be, maybe just brushing the dust off that project that's been sitting there forever, we start to find what we can trust. And finding what we can trust within ourselves, we can start finding that place of play, that spirit, that growth that connects to us life.

These windows of challenge, where matters are neither too overwhelming or too boring, where we find that state that can spark and sustain a flow, invite us in where we can start to gently bring whatever ease of simplicity into the next window of challenge.

Third Gear - Visit

So zero is being, one is consider, two is approach.

The third gear is the visit.

I described the visit in depth in episode four. But as a thumbnail sketch here, it means about showing up to something or bringing it to ourselves. We're actually with the material of the work. We stay for, let's say a single deep breath or whatever length of time it takes for you to experientially say that we've been there with the materials, with the intention, with the thing that might further it into reality, standing at that edge of action, where it's as easy to step forward as it is to step away.

When we do that, we heighten our sense of agency, our ability to decide and engage non reactively. We feel the emotions flare at their deepest. Emanating from the work, whether we decide and nudge something forward or not, that stirring of emotion affects us. The unconscious realms undulate, percolate, fulminate back into consciousness.

That "aha" that strikes us as we're driving, as we're walking, rarely happen without us actually being there at some point. The visit is powerful.

Fourth Gear - Start

So zero is being, one is consider, two is approach, three is visit, fourth start.

This is where things begin to manifest. This is also the realm where we might start to abuse ourselves often with the word, "just," "just start."

Why can't I just start? If I can just start, it'll get going.

"Just" the word itself, it's often a shortcut, if not a short circuit that avoids emotion. There's something in the way that the earlier gears are better suited for. When we know what we're doing, when we have practiced some regularity, when we know and are ready for the risk of what manifesting does, that sense of bringing fantasy into reality, dealing with that worry of what would this say about me? What if I can't finish, what if I do terribly? And all the rest of the uncertainty that plagues us, when we've answered those questions into non-existence, starting is powerful.

If we know how to jog. We can start and jog maybe a mile. We can start the dishes, complete them. We can start that book on the plane and see where it goes.

But it takes the practice of having reached that place without which we can flare the, "I don't wanna" feelings.

Fifth Gear - Complete

Zero is being, one is consider, two approach, three visit, four start.

Our fifth gear is to complete. We bind ourselves to some milestone making something happen to completion.

Write the report. Inbox zero. Complete the book. Clean the garage. Check off the task.

Often habits are born and die right here, exhausted by a gear that's far too high for where we are. We take something and say, we have to complete it.

I'm not done until it's done.

 Completion is a bind and a place where a wandering mind often tries to start, but often with that injured sense of agency begins to scream, "I don't wanna."

Sixth Gear - Schedule

Zero is being one is considered two approach. Three visit. Four is start. Five is complete. Sixth is to schedule binding ourselves to o'clock. The deadline looms.

Guests arrive at six. I'd like to start writing at four. Maybe I should clean from three to five. The clock ticks. Unsynced as the human made clock might be to our internal sense of time, we can easily be thrown off. So what do I mean by being unsynced? Well, it appears in our questions.

The questions , like, what do you do if you're in the middle of something when you've scheduled it? What do you do if you're tired before it gets done? What do you do when something more important shows up while you're in the middle of it? What do you do if you're not done when time runs out? What do you do if you don't feel like it?

Scheduling can become another way to create multitude of dead projects and habits crushing as this gear can be.

But when we have this well practice, scheduling can be absolutely freeing. I write my newsletter and podcast on Friday mornings at 10. I see my clients at scheduled times of the week. I perform piano on Monday evenings.

These times or places, I do not need to think of anything else, as well carved as they are, they are dedicated islands creating structure for my days and my weeks. But they did not start there.

Seventh Gear - Perform

Alright, so let's summarize zero being one, consider two, approach, three, visit, four, start. Five, complete six. Schedule

Seventh, and our final gear, is performance- do or die. This is where we bind ourselves to some witness or event. We're in the exam, we're at the interview. The consoles on fire. We are the air traffic controller.

Room for thought is a luxury. Now many of us are quite practiced at being here. The deadline has been our means of taking action. Often, this comes out in the phrase,

"I do my best when my back is against the wall,"

but I'd suggest that if that's the case, it's more about being practiced at riding the waves of urgency.

Urgency, leverage this way can be abusive. It can be exhausting, this means of force.

 Deadlines do not cooperate with each other. They don't care about illness. They don't care that the bus broke down. Often, if not, inevitably, it leads to some need to apologize, beg for forgiveness, extensions and more.

Meanwhile, the emotions of urgency and fear crush those of creativity play and care.

We can say that limits inspire creativity. How is it that a deadline wouldn't do the same? Poet Wendell Berry, nicely said, "the impeded stream is the one that sings,"

but I would also suggest that for, let's say a flute, that impedance is a carefully crafted one.

Wouldn't it be better to have some practice before a performance? Wouldn't it be better to have more abilities in your repertoire so you don't have to depend on urgency that often impairs, if not crushes, creativity, play and care.

When I sit with my clients and they reach some depth of an emotional moment, it's not like I can say, hang on, lemme go look something up. When I perform at the piano, I can't say, hang on, let me practice this phrase.

Practice brings us to this point of performance where it can excel.

 With practice, I can fully be there with my client to hear and reflect maybe choosing some subtle undertone of something informed by my years of experience and study. At the piano, I can allow the emotions to flow into sound, the structures of sinew and muscle hammer and string, all these well worn riverbeds giving power to find new paths forward.

Summary

So reviewing zero is be, one is consider. Two is approach. Three is visit four, start five, complete six schedule, and seven performance.

Each of these gears can be supported. Each of them can be flowed through in a single wave of focus, or across multiple. Between the now, the next and the not now.

With practice, we can support each of these and the flow between them and still not only take responsibility, but also importantly, the agency for ourselves to move forward where and how we can with where we are now.

Music - "On a Dare"

 I'll often go through the exercise of creating a piece of music in a short period of time, maybe in a single Practicing my ability to move between memorizing something and improvising it and then re memorizing and then improvising again. Sometimes the end result sticks, sometimes it doesn't.

Today's musical piece formed in such a way as many of them do. It's called "On a Dare". It's written in C Minor, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Explore how our emotions shape the way we focus and why boredom so often pushes us toward escape. In pausing—noticing our feelings instead of avoiding them—we can find agency. Mindfully, we practice shifting from reactivity to a state where we can choose what feels truly right for each of us.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Recognize what fuels the urge to distract ourselves and how to address it with understanding
• Learn a practical technique for pausing and noticing emotions to unlock a new sense of agency
• Discover how awareness can transform moments of discomfort into opportunities for meaningful action

This episode features our original piano piece, “Prelude to an End,” to help anchor these reflections and support our mindful rhythm.

Subscribe for more supportive conversations, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to deepen your journey with us.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #EmotionalResilience #Creativity #FocusChallenges #Neurodivergent #IntentionalLiving #PianoMusic

Trancript

  "What if I did my weekly review? Oh, but I just gotta write that report. I'm a nails need clipping. I would rather go and do that. No. How about if I just, uh, yeah. Hopeless. But I think I just need a reset. Let's see what's on Instagram here."

Three hours go by.

"Where did the day go? Oh my goodness, I had so much to do."

    Getting lost in the day. The media politics, both grand and in the family, it's far too easy to lose our bearings. We might blame this sense in ourselves that we need stimulation. Whatever it is we're "supposed to do" is simply not stimulating enough. Might be quite boring, in fact, but what is that craving for stimulation?

The word itself is so bland.

We might say, well, I need something that's shiny or on fire as a client of mine would say. But even these are not enough to describe what this is.

Stimulation, is this stand-in for a sense of vitality. We want to feel alive, some depth of meaning growing somewhere within us. 

All right, so how is that related to this infinite scrolling on our phones? Well, any number of emotions get touched off. Humor connects because it draws attention to something we haven't considered. Some surprise and discovery, some edge of society. Fear connects because it tells us to look over here at the risk of peril. Sex connects because the creative spirit in lust is just that powerful, this massive momentum carrying us through the ages.

All of these emotions connect to some sense of meaning within ourselves.

So how can a report possibly compete? We need stimulation again because we need something to feel real.

Alright, so what the heck does this have to do with any form of productivity in whatever shape or form? Well, when we can acknowledge that the so-called need for stimulation is more truly about some need to feel alive, we can find a new direction.

For example, let's say we're able in some rare moment to catch ourselves scrolling through the phone, wonder to ourselves, well, what am I doing? The initial impulse might be to say, how do I avoid this? How do I get out of this phone?

Well, I'll try to do nothing. Well, that rarely works. Nature of which our minds are apart abhors a vacuum. That phone is easily reached for once again, the unconscious forces are powerful, much more so than that blip of consciousness with which we sail our lives and we ignore that power at our own peril.

It's all too easy to just find ourselves in the phone, not realizing we were there. Another impulse might be,

I'll try to do something. Anything else!

Sometimes this works, like a smoker trying to quit finding some chewing gum. Or maybe we throw ourselves into that report, maybe even getting something done.

But there is a third option, which is not so apparent, and that is to pause.

Pausing seems like nothing. What's the difference between pausing and doing nothing? Well, in a pause. We're conscious, we can deliberately feel the boredom, pay direct attention to it, might even attempt to locate it in our body.

Where does it register? How does the feeling feel? Again, what's the point? The point is that this practice begins shifting emotion from driver to messenger.

Boredom is the driver that sent us scrolling.

In other words, by pausing, we heighten our sense of agency, that ability to decide and engage non-reactively. That non-reactive bit, that shifting of emotion from driver to messenger is born in the pause. That ability is core to deciding what's most meaningful, what's most alive in us in this moment of the Now, and we can decide which of the many waves we wish to ride from that pause.

Maybe instead of continuing to scroll, we decide to rest ourselves in the face of the tensions of that report, to sit with them, brave the feelings that it seems to emanate. Maybe we find within those feelings some window of challenge, that kindling of play.

And when we don't acknowledge an emotion, we don't hear its message, so its spirit has this greater tendency to blend into us, suffuse us, take us over. In the internal family systems model of psychotherapy, we could say it doesn't trust us, and so it takes the driver's seat without our knowing.

So as a takeaway here, consider the practice of pausing.

Maybe after this episode ends, take a moment to pause and consider what is the feeling? It's probably the hardest of the entire range of productivity ideas, but I think it's also the most important.  

 Every session, every wave of focus comes to an end. But as we end, we can take a deliberate approach to setting things aside and preparing for some next visit, some next time we return, in effect, sending a care package to our future selves. And doing so is something of a wave within a wave with its own approach, middle and end.

Today's piece of music is called Prelude to an End.

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Listeners will learn:

• How play, frustration, and challenge intertwine, illuminating gentler ways forward
• Practical methods to surface and honor emotions that hinder focus, catalyzing growth through compassion

Takeaways:

• Pause to reflect deeply before acting, creating space for authentic decisions
• Shrink tasks down to their smallest steps, inviting ease rather than pressure
• Channel rhythms of natural play into even the most stubborn work moments

This episode features a performance of Scott Joplin's Maple Leaf Rag. Subscribe and join our growing community at rhythmsoffocus.com—where wandering minds thrive along waves of agency and creativity.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #Mindfulness #GentleProductivity #PlayfulFocus #EmotionalEase #CreativeFlow #CompassionateGrowth #MicroActions

Transcript

  All right. Let's see what I've got on my list here to do today. All right. Uh, visit the gym. Are you kidding me?

 Sometimes the simplest things can feel like the heaviest weights. The simpler they are, the more paradoxically we "can't be bothered."

Head to the garage, show up to the dishes, open the report- all of these can come with a wave of revulsion.

How could we ever move forward?

I often and continue to espouse a "visit" as a powerful unit of work. This idea of showing up to something or bringing it to ourselves and staying there for one single deep breath, and then making a decision as to what we wanna do, whether walk away or into the work.

It is a powerful unit of work, but even so, it might still be too difficult to make it there, even with this idea of not having to do a thing.

What then? I imagine there have been times that you've been here. Maybe someone kept bugging you, maybe a due date crept along far enough, or just yelled at yourself into this sort of painful, "just start" and you finally started going.

But there are gentler paths and you may well have done those too.

Take for example, how we already act when we are in play. When we enjoy something naturally, we might bump into frustrations, take stock of where we are, slow down, break things down, simplify things, find some ease once again, and finally return with that ease back into challenge. Dynamically, we tune to the windows of challenge for where we are in that moment.

We find those places that are not so easy to be boring and not so intense as to be overwhelming.

We can adapt the same process to difficult work, hard work, something we can also call emotional work, only by bringing the process to consciousness. The first and perhaps most important step is to pause, where we reflect without reacting, where we can connect to that deeper sense of self. It gives us that space to decide:

" Maybe this isn't even a thing that is meaningful for me at all."

But if we do decide to move forward. We can also sense in that pause where we rest in those emotions that we discover something hidden in the words that we've been using. The sort of, "I just don't wanna" sort of phrase, we might be saying to ourselves, we can discover this deep, complex, emotional world beneath those words.

In that pause, we might see one such emotion that's contributing that of let's say, exhaustion. This consequence of repeated hits to our sense of agency, dropping, losing, forgetting things. We lose the sense of capability. Any attempt risks yet another injury as a fear of true inability would rear its ugly head in these clouds, choking us into collapse.

Fully engaging these emotions, maybe even feeling them physically within our body, we can now better find this genuine tendril of ease, somewhere within there, somewhere within ourselves, or at least something easier. Whether we slow down, we break something down to some tiniest of tiny next steps, or find this fundamental basic within the complex moment, there may be something we can work into an ease.

A being able to do with barely a thought, even if it's to hardly lift a leg off the couch. Finally, if we're able to find that path to that tiny ease, we can then ask,

"Can I gently bring that ease with me forward and to some next step?"

Sometimes we may even be able to continue onward to make a visit, stepping up to the work to stare at the vista now with our full emotional selves, and we can then fully decide whether or not to engage that wave of focus as smooth or as rough as it may end up being.

So much of our culture, extols the virtue of the hard. Challenge- it can be wonderful, but how do we deal with it? It's not about pushing harder. No pain, no gain. This sentiment is there might be some truth to it somewhere within it, but it also skips the part of how the pain is more messenger than fuel.

Why lose sight of the gentle origins of play nourished in an earth of gentle ease? We can certainly pay attention to pain, but we can also spend time and care where play may build into a more matured, elegance and supple power.

So the takeaway here is the next time you find yourself in play in something you're enjoying, that feels meaningful to you, that has you in some depth, see if you can find those moments of frustration. Those moments where it's like,

"Oh, how does this work?"

And see how it fits in with challenge, how you might slow down, simplify, shrink things down, and then find that ease and come back and how that might be happening naturally without even conscious awareness.

And if you can do that, think of how you might start bringing that to things that might be more difficult, things you might wanna avoid and see if that might actually be able to be transferred there too.

  Scott Joplin, king of Ragtime, created this wonderful piece of music called the Maple Leaf Rag. Copyrighted in 1899  the piece is this jumble of back and forth ideas. One thing happens here, but it doesn't happen there. Over and over throughout the piece as I play it, I need to be in this sort of meditative question of

Where am I?

Because as soon as I lose sight of that question, I'm in the wrong place and have made plenty of mistakes.

By many accounts performing this piece should be "hard." But the practice, as is with mastery in general, is about bringing what's hard, to easy and the gentle path there. We can break things down into the tiniest of single notes, single chords.

Maybe I'm asking myself, oh, what's this about? And then I allow myself to wonder in my own time to form with the sounds.

It's an absolutely lovely piece and I do hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Listeners will uncover how recognizing and respecting four key limits—time, agency, working memory, and trust—is far more liberating than forcing themselves into rigid molds. Instead of battling against limitations, you’ll learn to use them as anchors for meaningful work and creative rhythm. This episode unpacks the seductive promise of productivity systems, the artistry of aligning attention with intention, and gentle strategies to transform overwhelm into empowered agency.

Key takeaways:

• Honor time, agency, working memory, and trust as necessary boundaries that support creative flow.
• Replace shame and frustration with self-compassion—embracing playful mastery over strict discipline.
• Discover actionable ways to build a trusted, resilient productivity environment that fits a wandering mind.

As always, enjoy an original piano composition woven into today’s episode, designed to nurture calm and focus.

If this resonates, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more insights, resources, and episodes to help your unique rhythm thrive.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #MindfulProductivity #FocusRhythms #CreativeFlow #WorkWithLimits #SelfCompassion #AttentionMastery #OriginalMusic

 Transcript

Why won't the system work?!

I found a new productivity app, let me tell you about, it's the greatest thing ever. Oh, did you hear about that productivity book by Mr. Awesome Sauce. It's the greatest thing ever. Fast forward two months, uh, another system down the drain. I can't do any of these.

Maybe there's just something wrong with me. I can't seem to make any of these work. What's going on? I what? What if it's not the app? What if it's not the book? What if it's not ourselves? All right, where is it then? Maybe it's in something we still need to acknowledge the limits.

Seduction of an App

The promises of some productivity system can be powerfully seductive.

The idea is that we'd get more done with less effort. Stay on top of it all. Everything's organized. Everything shows up exactly where we need it. Heck, I do have a system myself and I think it's pretty darn awesome. Lemme tell you, it's all shiny and new, but that may well crash too.

Pushing Limits

We often push limits.

It's important to push limits. Play, this depth and breadth of flow between self and world discovery, question and tension- it's a vitality that once it finds root can be such an inspirational flow. The sap of mastery and meaningful work and relationships. We see it in the toddler in their focus while they're stacking blocks and we see it in the craft's master that has that same focus as they're in that deep reverie.

Play pushes limits. We tend to think of limits as somehow enemies, or perhaps they're ever present challenges that must be dominated, broken through, if not destroyed.

And we can see that as well between the toddler and the adult.

Supportive Environments

To reach that place of being able to stack blocks, we have a sense that our environment can hold us, that it won't interrupt us without care or reason.

That's somehow takes us and our being hood into account. Maybe we push one way or the other. We try to wander this way or that. But time and again, in ways we know and in many ways we don't, perhaps only feeling it as this gentle wave from some distant shore, we are supported, in being here and now.

The craftsperson similarly has done the work themselves of establishing those things, the environment, whether appearing to be a chaotic mess or this pristine lining of tools and resources. Somehow it's been placed to be in tune with that sense of the creative self.

Internally too, skill and knowledge have been whittled as their own tools well worn in time and practice. They trust their environment to support that creative self. They can simply be and allow that creativity to well from within.

Discovering and Acknowledging Limits

But to get to those trusted environments, we discover those limits that line the objects of our world. Our words, our knowledge, our skills, our being hood exist by way of being bounded. Many artists quickly discover that limitations can, in fact, enhance creativity, but how? Is it simply that we limit options and therefore offer some relief to working memory? Is it some wordless inspiration perhaps? Well, it could be both. Likely more.

I think it's through these testing of limits that we establish what we can trust. We know what the playground is, we know what works, what doesn't, and certainly we can test and retest our limits, what we can trust and what we cannot.

But once we've established what we can trust, and more importantly, acknowledge, perhaps even respect them as things that exist, play has this tendency to appear.

Defining Productivity

In systems of productivity we have several limits that we need to respect. And before I even say what those limits are, I want to define productivity itself because it can be such a nasty and perverted word. Probably I could do a whole episode on that, but for now, just defining it.

Productivity is the art and skill of bringing attention to intention, and that's it. This art and skill of bringing attention to an intention. Now, perhaps I can also differentiate that from meaningful productivity, which I define as a practice of finding and weaving mastery and meaningful work into our daily lives and relationships.

Limits in Productivity

All right, so now that I've defined the idea of productivity, there are four limits that I currently count that benefit from our respect, some of which we tend to be okay with, or at least pay lip service to, and others we ignore completely.

These four are time, agency, working memory, and trust. I will say them again. Time, agency, working memory and trust.

The trouble with most systems is that we don't recognize, let alone acknowledge that we're limited, further, that we have to balance ourselves within these limits. As an example, when we're asked to make a "brain dump," we might initially feel relieved,

Hey, I don't have to hold this in my mind.

But quickly we become overwhelmed again, if not worse than before. We are overwhelmed with our sense of obligation, some responsibilities consciously, some unconsciously, agreed to, our sense of needing to organize this brain dump, now, to be able to even know what organized means when it comes to this mess we've now created.

We do not trust we can get to what we want to. We have no sense of time for it. It does not fit our working memory.

Let's take another example that of "hyperscheduling," this practice of scheduling every minute of the day as if we were budgeting our time like money. Here we clearly do acknowledge the limits of time, but we avoid the limits of agency in our sense of trust of being able to follow through.

For example, agency being this ability and skill to decide and engage non-reactively appears at numerous points when we've hyper scheduled.

When that time comes to do the thing, how would we feel? What if something more important were going on? What if we miss something? How do we stop if we're not done? And there are many other questions that can come to mind.

These questions are particularly important to a wandering mind, whose time sense is more aligned to nature's time than to that of the manmade clock. Check out episode 23 for more on that. Yes, we can make adjustments on the fly, but that drains that sense of agency and we're confronted with the worries of procrastination and the plain and simple, "I don't wanna" feelings.

Let's take a look at a third example that of the weekly review. The advice is to go through each one of our projects and make sure that all of them have a next action in place, getting the actions themselves generally more organized, that each of these actions are then listed on the correct action lists, all of which can be useful ideas.

I myself even listed in one of my books something like 20 different questions you could Review at a weekly review. And the idea is to do this every week.

One of my students described this process to be something like dragging sandpaper across his eyes. Quite a brutal metaphor. It's incredibly exhausting, and one of the reasons why many people often don't stick with this aspect of a system.

In this situation, we're not respecting the limits of agency.

We often refer to energy, but I'm not sure that's often useful in our thoughts here because energy can fluctuate widely depending on what we're doing, but we can still show up as in a visit and then make a decision. Sometimes we find the energy by plucking at those windows of challenge that meet us where we are.

But agency, that ability to decide and engage as we reflect on the sense of emotions and options of the moment, that does seem to have its limits. It's not clear what those limits are. It's not measurable in the usual sense of measuring it. Then again, most things that are meaningful cannot be measured.

We can still consider it internally. For example, I've since simplified my weekly review. The primary question I ask is, when and how will I see it again? I can tie it to my central attention hub, that then presents things when and where I want to see them. And I do that in a way that doesn't overwhelm me.

A Takeaway

There are many other examples of troubles that we can get into with our systems, but the takeaway is this, whatever...]]>Discover why your latest app or productivity hack is not the real hero—or the real challenge. In this episode of "Rhythms of Focus," we explore what truly lies beneath those endless quests for the perfect system, shining a compassionate light on wandering minds and ADHD.

Listeners will uncover how recognizing and respecting four key limits—time, agency, working memory, and trust—is far more liberating than forcing themselves into rigid molds. Instead of battling against limitations, you’ll learn to use them as anchors for meaningful work and creative rhythm. This episode unpacks the seductive promise of productivity systems, the artistry of aligning attention with intention, and gentle strategies to transform overwhelm into empowered agency.

Key takeaways:

• Honor time, agency, working memory, and trust as necessary boundaries that support creative flow.
• Replace shame and frustration with self-compassion—embracing playful mastery over strict discipline.
• Discover actionable ways to build a trusted, resilient productivity environment that fits a wandering mind.

As always, enjoy an original piano composition woven into today’s episode, designed to nurture calm and focus.

If this resonates, subscribe and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more insights, resources, and episodes to help your unique rhythm thrive.

Hashtags

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #MindfulProductivity #FocusRhythms #CreativeFlow #WorkWithLimits #SelfCompassion #AttentionMastery #OriginalMusic

 Transcript

Why won't the system work?!

I found a new productivity app, let me tell you about, it's the greatest thing ever. Oh, did you hear about that productivity book by Mr. Awesome Sauce. It's the greatest thing ever. Fast forward two months, uh, another system down the drain. I can't do any of these.

Maybe there's just something wrong with me. I can't seem to make any of these work. What's going on? I what? What if it's not the app? What if it's not the book? What if it's not ourselves? All right, where is it then? Maybe it's in something we still need to acknowledge the limits.

Seduction of an App

The promises of some productivity system can be powerfully seductive.

The idea is that we'd get more done with less effort. Stay on top of it all. Everything's organized. Everything shows up exactly where we need it. Heck, I do have a system myself and I think it's pretty darn awesome. Lemme tell you, it's all shiny and new, but that may well crash too.

Pushing Limits

We often push limits.

It's important to push limits. Play, this depth and breadth of flow between self and world discovery, question and tension- it's a vitality that once it finds root can be such an inspirational flow. The sap of mastery and meaningful work and relationships. We see it in the toddler in their focus while they're stacking blocks and we see it in the craft's master that has that same focus as they're in that deep reverie.

Play pushes limits. We tend to think of limits as somehow enemies, or perhaps they're ever present challenges that must be dominated, broken through, if not destroyed.

And we can see that as well between the toddler and the adult.

Supportive Environments

To reach that place of being able to stack blocks, we have a sense that our environment can hold us, that it won't interrupt us without care or reason.

That's somehow takes us and our being hood into account. Maybe we push one way or the other. We try to wander this way or that. But time and again, in ways we know and in many ways we don't, perhaps only feeling it as this gentle wave from some distant shore, we are supported, in being here and now.

The craftsperson similarly has done the work themselves of establishing those things, the environment, whether appearing to be a chaotic mess or this pristine lining of tools and resources. Somehow it's been placed to be in tune with that sense of the creative self.

Internally too, skill and knowledge have been whittled as their own tools well worn in time and practice. They trust their environment to support that creative self. They can simply be and allow that creativity to well from within.

Discovering and Acknowledging Limits

But to get to those trusted environments, we discover those limits that line the objects of our world. Our words, our knowledge, our skills, our being hood exist by way of being bounded. Many artists quickly discover that limitations can, in fact, enhance creativity, but how? Is it simply that we limit options and therefore offer some relief to working memory? Is it some wordless inspiration perhaps? Well, it could be both. Likely more.

I think it's through these testing of limits that we establish what we can trust. We know what the playground is, we know what works, what doesn't, and certainly we can test and retest our limits, what we can trust and what we cannot.

But once we've established what we can trust, and more importantly, acknowledge, perhaps even respect them as things that exist, play has this tendency to appear.

Defining Productivity

In systems of productivity we have several limits that we need to respect. And before I even say what those limits are, I want to define productivity itself because it can be such a nasty and perverted word. Probably I could do a whole episode on that, but for now, just defining it.

Productivity is the art and skill of bringing attention to intention, and that's it. This art and skill of bringing attention to an intention. Now, perhaps I can also differentiate that from meaningful productivity, which I define as a practice of finding and weaving mastery and meaningful work into our daily lives and relationships.

Limits in Productivity

All right, so now that I've defined the idea of productivity, there are four limits that I currently count that benefit from our respect, some of which we tend to be okay with, or at least pay lip service to, and others we ignore completely.

These four are time, agency, working memory, and trust. I will say them again. Time, agency, working memory and trust.

The trouble with most systems is that we don't recognize, let alone acknowledge that we're limited, further, that we have to balance ourselves within these limits. As an example, when we're asked to make a "brain dump," we might initially feel relieved,

Hey, I don't have to hold this in my mind.

But quickly we become overwhelmed again, if not worse than before. We are overwhelmed with our sense of obligation, some responsibilities consciously, some unconsciously, agreed to, our sense of needing to organize this brain dump, now, to be able to even know what organized means when it comes to this mess we've now created.

We do not trust we can get to what we want to. We have no sense of time for it. It does not fit our working memory.

Let's take another example that of "hyperscheduling," this practice of scheduling every minute of the day as if we were budgeting our time like money. Here we clearly do acknowledge the limits of time, but we avoid the limits of agency in our sense of trust of being able to follow through.

For example, agency being this ability and skill to decide and engage non-reactively appears at numerous points when we've hyper scheduled.

When that time comes to do the thing, how would we feel? What if something more important were going on? What if we miss something? How do we stop if we're not done? And there are many other questions that can come to mind.

These questions are particularly important to a wandering mind, whose time sense is more aligned to nature's time than to that of the manmade clock. Check out episode 23 for more on that. Yes, we can make adjustments on the fly, but that drains that sense of agency and we're confronted with the worries of procrastination and the plain and simple, "I don't wanna" feelings.

Let's take a look at a third example that of the weekly review. The advice is to go through each one of our projects and make sure that all of them have a next action in place, getting the actions themselves generally more organized, that each of these actions are then listed on the correct action lists, all of which can be useful ideas.

I myself even listed in one of my books something like 20 different questions you could Review at a weekly review. And the idea is to do this every week.

One of my students described this process to be something like dragging sandpaper across his eyes. Quite a brutal metaphor. It's incredibly exhausting, and one of the reasons why many people often don't stick with this aspect of a system.

In this situation, we're not respecting the limits of agency.

We often refer to energy, but I'm not sure that's often useful in our thoughts here because energy can fluctuate widely depending on what we're doing, but we can still show up as in a visit and then make a decision. Sometimes we find the energy by plucking at those windows of challenge that meet us where we are.

But agency, that ability to decide and engage as we reflect on the sense of emotions and options of the moment, that does seem to have its limits. It's not clear what those limits are. It's not measurable in the usual sense of measuring it. Then again, most things that are meaningful cannot be measured.

We can still consider it internally. For example, I've since simplified my weekly review. The primary question I ask is, when and how will I see it again? I can tie it to my central attention hub, that then presents things when and where I want to see them. And I do that in a way that doesn't overwhelm me.

A Takeaway

There are many other examples of troubles that we can get into with our systems, but the takeaway is this, whatever system you have, consider how you might test, and then hopefully respect the limits of time, agency, working memory, and trust.

There are skills and tools that you can use for any one of them. And with practice, each of these can become well worn paths.

At that point, if something new comes to mind that, let's say we'd like to set aside for the moment or engage now, we can make that decision. We have a place for it either in front of us now or on some known path of attention to meet us where we trust we would see it and not be overwhelmed when we do. Play, care, mastery, meaningful work, these grow along with a greater sense resting sense of being .

  Years will go by since I write a piece and I'll have no idea what I was thinking about at the time, but there's still this thread of, yeah, that sounds familiar. I remember that. Years ago when I was thinking about getting good at the piano, I would choose some small area to get good at and specifically a scale.

At the time it was C minor and with practice, I could eventually play it forward, backwards, hop between notes, really without thinking. Then I grew to trust my own skill with that, and as I did, I'd grow even more into the process of flowing through these windows of challenge alongside that sense of play. I can hear that in those pieces that I have from some time ago.

This following piece I picked outta my library from 2023. It's called Agradablemente Demasiado. I have no idea if I've said that correctly. I said it as I was learning my Spanish. It means pleasantly too much. I think I like to contrast things.

In any case, I hope you enjoy the peace  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

In this episode, explore:

- Why the “Don’t Break the Chain” habit method can create more anxiety and shame than mastery.

- How shifting from scorekeeping to presence transforms habit-building from a rigid tally into a playful, mindful journey.

- Practical strategies to reframe loss and missed days as part of life’s natural ebb and flow—fostering agency rather than guilt

Key takeaways:

- Learn why focusing on experience rather than streaks fosters real mastery and self-compassion.

- Discover the three-part Daily Invite: decide, be, and act—without the weight of perfection.

- Begin to view your habits as musical rhythms, not broken chains—open to improvisation, pauses, and creative renewal.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Ascend,” reflecting the dance between struggle and growth. Subscribe for more gentle, empowering strategies, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources tailored to creative, neurodivergent thinkers.

### Hashtags:

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #FocusRhythms #MindfulProductivity #GentleHabits #SelfCompassion #DailyInvite #CreativeGrowth #Agency #Neurodiversity

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

- Key Takeaways:

- Learn to transition from force-based to trust-based productivity.

- Discover tools and techniques like the anchor and visit guide.

- Understand how to create meaningful rhythms and improve your sense of agency.

Subscribe to 'Rhythms of Focus' and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

### Links

- [Crocodile and Cube: In the Studio](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaRbIj8RyZIaLGCiP4DYnPBsTbKuSj1Nw)

- [Episode 4](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/from-force-to-flow-with-a-visit/)

- [Episode 9](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/i-dont-wanna-and-the-practice-of-agency/)

- [Episode 14](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/the-magnified-mind/)

### Keywords

#WavesofFocus #Agency #Mindfulness #RhythmsOfFocus #Tools #ADHD #WanderingMinds #TrustBasedProductivity #AnchorTechnique #VisitGuide

00:00 The Principles of the Waves of Focus

03:36 What are the Waves of Focus?

03:47 One - a Goal

04:30 Second - a Philosophy

06:19 Three - a Metaphor

08:01 Four - A Set of Tools

09:29 Five - A Framework

12:25 Six - A Set of Rhythms

14:55 Seven - a Practice

15:26 Final Thoughts

15:59 Music - "The Dust Cleared"

Transcript

 How do we approach challenge? Sometimes we turn away, sometimes we dive in, sometimes we sidle up next to it. Gently stir the water with a big toe slip our legs in, sit with our feet dangling as we look across the pond and wonder. So I put a challenge before myself here now. It's about trying to explain my life's work, this Waves of Focus.

A guide for those with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond. This course that I've put together, and I wanna be able to describe it in as short and simple as possible in this episode today. How the heck am I gonna do that?    

When you live and breathe something, it can become difficult to say what it's about to someone who doesn't live and breathe that same thing.

Sometimes we simply have a vision in our head. It could be a vision of a deck. We're trying to build a memory that came to mind from something that was said, an interesting idea about a story.

Whatever it is, it's hard to explain it, and sometimes it's even hard to explain to ourselves.

There's this hilarious set of YouTube videos called Crocodile and Cube. I'll link to it in the show notes. In which there's this one character, where he, hears something in his mind, this music, and he wants to create it.

And there's this other person that he's working with and they're trying to make sense of it. They're saying, okay, one person tells the story of what they want to hear. The other person tries to put it together, and together they try to bring this out into the world. It's a wonderful metaphor for the parts that can live within ourselves, even.

And wandering minds tend to connect with a depth of experience, a reality that feels alive. Words can feel hollow and brittle at times, unless they're really backed up by that sense of reality within them. How do we translate these ideas, these images, these somethings within our mind, into words, into images we can describe to others. and to anything?

But somehow we do. Artists, authors, creators, we all practice, define, refine over time, and eventually we come up with maybe not just a single story, but. Many perspectives. Really many stories. Well, anyway, . Enough rambling.

What are the Waves of Focus?

What are the Waves of Focus? Well, it's really about seven different things, honestly, which is probably why I've had such a tough time explaining it.

But I'm gonna break 'em all down here and give 'em to you. One at a time.

One - a Goal

First off, the Waves of Focus is a goal. I've described this transition from being able to move from force -based work to one that is more trust -based, where if we can believe in our own ability to engage things, take things on in our own time, and genuinely believe that, then we won't have to force ourselves to do things.

And when we believe genuinely that we can decide and act of our own accord, we tend to find, play and care, these spirits of mastery and meaningful work.

And these emotions of play and care as we are able to deliver them and find meaningful work connect them to our lives, our intentions, our relationships. It helps us feel alive.

Second - a Philosophy

Secondly, waves of focus is a philosophy that when we force ourselves, it's often because we don't trust ourselves. We drop things, we lose things, we forget things. We stumble through the social world and more.

We lose trust that we can make things happen of our own will. I mean, why would we? We've proven it that we haven't been able to. As an example, I have to act on this thought. While it's on my mind, I have to drop these other things because otherwise I'll lose it.

In this case, we suspend our ability to decide because we don't feel like we can. It's a luxury.

We force ourselves through many methods, many, besides the one I just mentioned. Deadlines, shame, sometimes asking others to be reminders, asking them to take on our agency because we feel we have none.

But if we could restore that trust in our abilities and our skills, in our sense that we could meaningfully, responsibly, be in tune with our own rhythms, where play and care tend to appear, and that felt genuine.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Trust is a feeling, a sense that something will continue to behave as a has been such that it might be relied on. Trust cannot be forced, cannot be willed into being. It's not a decision.

In order to trust ourselves, we have to genuinely believe that we can, for example, set something aside and come back .

Trust grows with agency. Agency is our skill and ability to decide and engage non-reactively. It's where and how we take risks, find, challenge, engage what's meaningful.

I believe it to be the centerpiece of any meaningful productivity. Not action, not, not even the task. Whether you're looking at sport, study, art, leisure, business, whatever the field, the focus is trust grows with agency.

Three - a Metaphor

Alright, first the Waves of Focus is this goal of moving away from force and towards trust and self.

Second, it's a philosophy that practicing a sense of agency could help us get there.

Third, is that the Waves of Focus is a metaphor of experience this boat on the sea of emotions

As wandering minds, we struggle with a constrained, but magnified world. We exist in the now and profoundly so.

The Now exists.

We can't see too far, but what we see is our world, and it looms large. We can explore deeply in this moment and then lose sight of the rest because that is what our lens of consciousness is.

The periphery, the Not Now, the distance beyond that now whether weeks or even seconds away, can feel unreal.

The storms, the winds, desire, regret, worry, demands, urgency, commitments all hit us that much stronger because The Now is our world, as much as those waves may come in from the Not Now this melding blend of dream, fear and fantasy flowing into the moment.

Meanwhile, we must do the things.

It can be difficult to deliberately set sail in any particular direction.

What if I miss something? I really wanna do this, but I need to do that. I don't have the motivation or the interest. How can I do anything?

While we may not trust ourselves, we do trust the power of the winds and waters around us. Urgency, desire, the shiny, the on fire, we can grab onto those.

Four - A Set of Tools

So first the Waves of Focus is this goal moving away from force to trust. Second, a philosophy that our sense of agency is center. Third is this metaphor of a boat in the winds and waters of emotion in which the wandering mind can often feel at the mercy of these elements.

Fourth is that the Waves of Focus is also a set of tools that help us manage, that help us sail in this sea.

There are quite a number of tools within the Waves of Focus, three of which I'm certain you know very well already and these are the calendar, alerts, and pen and paper, though you can substitute digital files if you'd like.

The Waves of Focus gives again a number of additional tools, but three of them probably give it its most unique nature. And these are the anchor, the visit, and the guide. Together with calendar and alerts, pen and paper, these tools create the foundational supports for the Waves of Focus, and they can rest on top of whatever else you use.

The Waves of Focus are not meant to supplant whatever system you've got. Whatever you've been building has been built over a lifetime. Some of it works, some of it doesn't. But rather than replace it, it'd be better to build trust where you...]]>Uncover a revolutionary approach to managing ADHD and wandering minds in this episode of 'Rhythms of Focus.' Discover the 'Waves of Focus,' a comprehensive guide designed to transition you from force-based productivity to trust-based agency. Delve into key concepts such as the anchor, visit, and visit guide. Understand how to create a meaningful, rhythm-oriented life framework that enhances agency and mindfulness.

- Key Takeaways:

- Learn to transition from force-based to trust-based productivity.

- Discover tools and techniques like the anchor and visit guide.

- Understand how to create meaningful rhythms and improve your sense of agency.

Subscribe to 'Rhythms of Focus' and visit rhythmsoffocus.com.

### Links

- [Crocodile and Cube: In the Studio](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaRbIj8RyZIaLGCiP4DYnPBsTbKuSj1Nw)

- [Episode 4](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/from-force-to-flow-with-a-visit/)

- [Episode 9](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/i-dont-wanna-and-the-practice-of-agency/)

- [Episode 14](https://rhythms-of-focus.captivate.fm/episode/the-magnified-mind/)

### Keywords

#WavesofFocus #Agency #Mindfulness #RhythmsOfFocus #Tools #ADHD #WanderingMinds #TrustBasedProductivity #AnchorTechnique #VisitGuide

00:00 The Principles of the Waves of Focus

03:36 What are the Waves of Focus?

03:47 One - a Goal

04:30 Second - a Philosophy

06:19 Three - a Metaphor

08:01 Four - A Set of Tools

09:29 Five - A Framework

12:25 Six - A Set of Rhythms

14:55 Seven - a Practice

15:26 Final Thoughts

15:59 Music - "The Dust Cleared"

Transcript

 How do we approach challenge? Sometimes we turn away, sometimes we dive in, sometimes we sidle up next to it. Gently stir the water with a big toe slip our legs in, sit with our feet dangling as we look across the pond and wonder. So I put a challenge before myself here now. It's about trying to explain my life's work, this Waves of Focus.

A guide for those with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond. This course that I've put together, and I wanna be able to describe it in as short and simple as possible in this episode today. How the heck am I gonna do that?    

When you live and breathe something, it can become difficult to say what it's about to someone who doesn't live and breathe that same thing.

Sometimes we simply have a vision in our head. It could be a vision of a deck. We're trying to build a memory that came to mind from something that was said, an interesting idea about a story.

Whatever it is, it's hard to explain it, and sometimes it's even hard to explain to ourselves.

There's this hilarious set of YouTube videos called Crocodile and Cube. I'll link to it in the show notes. In which there's this one character, where he, hears something in his mind, this music, and he wants to create it.

And there's this other person that he's working with and they're trying to make sense of it. They're saying, okay, one person tells the story of what they want to hear. The other person tries to put it together, and together they try to bring this out into the world. It's a wonderful metaphor for the parts that can live within ourselves, even.

And wandering minds tend to connect with a depth of experience, a reality that feels alive. Words can feel hollow and brittle at times, unless they're really backed up by that sense of reality within them. How do we translate these ideas, these images, these somethings within our mind, into words, into images we can describe to others. and to anything?

But somehow we do. Artists, authors, creators, we all practice, define, refine over time, and eventually we come up with maybe not just a single story, but. Many perspectives. Really many stories. Well, anyway, . Enough rambling.

What are the Waves of Focus?

What are the Waves of Focus? Well, it's really about seven different things, honestly, which is probably why I've had such a tough time explaining it.

But I'm gonna break 'em all down here and give 'em to you. One at a time.

One - a Goal

First off, the Waves of Focus is a goal. I've described this transition from being able to move from force -based work to one that is more trust -based, where if we can believe in our own ability to engage things, take things on in our own time, and genuinely believe that, then we won't have to force ourselves to do things.

And when we believe genuinely that we can decide and act of our own accord, we tend to find, play and care, these spirits of mastery and meaningful work.

And these emotions of play and care as we are able to deliver them and find meaningful work connect them to our lives, our intentions, our relationships. It helps us feel alive.

Second - a Philosophy

Secondly, waves of focus is a philosophy that when we force ourselves, it's often because we don't trust ourselves. We drop things, we lose things, we forget things. We stumble through the social world and more.

We lose trust that we can make things happen of our own will. I mean, why would we? We've proven it that we haven't been able to. As an example, I have to act on this thought. While it's on my mind, I have to drop these other things because otherwise I'll lose it.

In this case, we suspend our ability to decide because we don't feel like we can. It's a luxury.

We force ourselves through many methods, many, besides the one I just mentioned. Deadlines, shame, sometimes asking others to be reminders, asking them to take on our agency because we feel we have none.

But if we could restore that trust in our abilities and our skills, in our sense that we could meaningfully, responsibly, be in tune with our own rhythms, where play and care tend to appear, and that felt genuine.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Trust is a feeling, a sense that something will continue to behave as a has been such that it might be relied on. Trust cannot be forced, cannot be willed into being. It's not a decision.

In order to trust ourselves, we have to genuinely believe that we can, for example, set something aside and come back .

Trust grows with agency. Agency is our skill and ability to decide and engage non-reactively. It's where and how we take risks, find, challenge, engage what's meaningful.

I believe it to be the centerpiece of any meaningful productivity. Not action, not, not even the task. Whether you're looking at sport, study, art, leisure, business, whatever the field, the focus is trust grows with agency.

Three - a Metaphor

Alright, first the Waves of Focus is this goal of moving away from force and towards trust and self.

Second, it's a philosophy that practicing a sense of agency could help us get there.

Third, is that the Waves of Focus is a metaphor of experience this boat on the sea of emotions

As wandering minds, we struggle with a constrained, but magnified world. We exist in the now and profoundly so.

The Now exists.

We can't see too far, but what we see is our world, and it looms large. We can explore deeply in this moment and then lose sight of the rest because that is what our lens of consciousness is.

The periphery, the Not Now, the distance beyond that now whether weeks or even seconds away, can feel unreal.

The storms, the winds, desire, regret, worry, demands, urgency, commitments all hit us that much stronger because The Now is our world, as much as those waves may come in from the Not Now this melding blend of dream, fear and fantasy flowing into the moment.

Meanwhile, we must do the things.

It can be difficult to deliberately set sail in any particular direction.

What if I miss something? I really wanna do this, but I need to do that. I don't have the motivation or the interest. How can I do anything?

While we may not trust ourselves, we do trust the power of the winds and waters around us. Urgency, desire, the shiny, the on fire, we can grab onto those.

Four - A Set of Tools

So first the Waves of Focus is this goal moving away from force to trust. Second, a philosophy that our sense of agency is center. Third is this metaphor of a boat in the winds and waters of emotion in which the wandering mind can often feel at the mercy of these elements.

Fourth is that the Waves of Focus is also a set of tools that help us manage, that help us sail in this sea.

There are quite a number of tools within the Waves of Focus, three of which I'm certain you know very well already and these are the calendar, alerts, and pen and paper, though you can substitute digital files if you'd like.

The Waves of Focus gives again a number of additional tools, but three of them probably give it its most unique nature. And these are the anchor, the visit, and the guide. Together with calendar and alerts, pen and paper, these tools create the foundational supports for the Waves of Focus, and they can rest on top of whatever else you use.

The Waves of Focus are not meant to supplant whatever system you've got. Whatever you've been building has been built over a lifetime. Some of it works, some of it doesn't. But rather than replace it, it'd be better to build trust where you can, you know, evolution more than revolution. Strengthen what works, and then maybe plant seeds for what might feel missing.

Five - A Framework

Alright, so first. There's a goal -force to trust. Second, it's a philosophy of agency reigning supreme. Third, it's a metaphor of the boat on water. And fourth, a set of tools.

Fifth, the Waves of Focus is a framework for the relationships that we can address with these tools. There are four relationships,

First is our ability to trust our own decisions . Two is the Now where we relate to our intentions, the things that we are doing. Three, the Not Now where we relate to our past and future selves. And four, the environment. Where we relate to the world around us.

Looking at these in a little more detail, the agency, but again, I know I've mentioned it, but among other things, this is a relationship with ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts, our options, the decision of whether to engage something or not. This is a skill that we develop with practice.

It's this relationship we form in time. The tool that relates most to agency in this course, is that of the anchor . Whenever we feel out of sorts, distracted, scattered, exhausted, we can pause for a moment, give our options a place to rest, choose something and launch.

This gives our. Working memory, rest, so that we can decide with greater clarity.

The better we get at this, the stronger our focus tends to become. We start being able to choose from the winds and waters as to which wave we want to engage.

 Which then leads us to the Now. The Now is our relationship with an intention. Work plays something we sense can be moved from one state to another. We can use the practice of a visit. We would bring it to us or we go to it.

As we approach, we might consider the context and how we can craft it to raise the thresholds against what might distract us and lower them in favor of the directions we do want to go.

Then we could be worried about what about the rabbit trails and procrastination of even doing that. Well, we don't suppress that feeling. We give it a place. Where we can more clearly decide amongst our paths forward. Whatever we decide, it's not impulsive.

We stand at that Edge of Action where it's as easy to take a step forward as it is to step away.

We can sit with frustration, exhaustion, scatter gently, gradually. We can rest our attention. Consider and acknowledge and sometimes even see how the puzzle pieces come together.

In disengaging, we don't force ourselves to stop. Instead, we use project maps to help capture the moment that we're now in. We can create this node between the waves, between the visits, this one and the next.

Every visit we make, every time we disengage, we actually strengthen our next steps forward, giving ourselves energy. Helping our unconscious minds think things through while also clearing our paths elsewhere.  

Six - A Set of Rhythms

And this leads us to the sixth perspective of the Waves of Focus. That it's a set of rhythms.

Every time we show up to an edge of action, we create a visit .

When we can make two visits to the same thing, we have two beats. We have a rhythm.

When we can make regular visits we gather momentum, a blend of motivation and the world aligning.

Past, present, and future selves communicate through desire, demand, worry, confusion, and more. Improving their relationships over time , with every visit starts to smooth the waters. We learn how to respect the present self. We start to care for our future selves. We honor the past selves . Every time we make this visit improves the trust in ourselves and the sense of agency that now is resting on it.

We create rhythms that clear and organize by our standards gently and over time, rather than by some unsustainable binge, or by some prescribed notions, we can take the lists and inboxes that inevitably decay around us and transform them to better support us rather than feel enslaved by them.

Beyond the two beats in the rhythm are multiple rhythms . Let's say we have two projects, two streams of visits going .

You can touch each one and be done by 8:00 AM or you could dive deep into any one , however you feel in that day, in that moment.

They could compliment each other, each allowing rest or support from the other,

Imagine being able to have an idea and relatively easily know where it would best wait for you, such that it respects your sense of agency, your time, your working memory, what you trust you can get to, and your emotional state when you get there.

Developing that trust over time is the guide.

Typically I see the structure of a guide as evolving into three components. One is the engaged. These are about one to three things that we're visiting perhaps daily, that are new and developing, emotionally charged, whether with worry or joy and all the blended worlds in between, it's somehow this vanguard of change in our lives.

Then there's the steady. These are those things that we've worked in ready to be part of the days, the weeks, the months,

and thirdly, there's a small handful of things that we'd like to get to. Waiting for a spot to open

Together with practice , this guide can function as a central hub to our attention network .

Seven - a Practice

There are more exercises and nooks and crannies I didn't quite get into, but that's the overview. Which leads us into the final bit practice. The waves of focus as a practice is this arrangement of exercises such that you can grow the skills at your pace.

Picking up the smallest pieces and then growing those over time, such they build on each other. You know, it doesn't make sense, for example, to take on an inbox if you don't trust that you can  show up to one without screaming.

Final Thoughts

So the waves of focus are not about forcing us to do anything. It's about standing at the edge of the water, maybe with our feet in the pool and considering from this depth of self, what would we like to do, if anything at all? What makes sense in the world of desire, responsibility, and more in this moment? Does it make sense to stare at the clouds?

Or maybe it's about being ready to set sail and see what's out there.  

Music - "The Dust Cleared"

Frank Zappa once called Music wiggling air molecules. Music itself is a series of waves flowing through air to caress or crash into our eardrums. I like the idea of music as a series of waves. Today's piece is an improvisation, a flow of its own sort. It's called the Dust Cleared, and I hope you enjoy it.

Discover how acknowledging your questions and fears can open the door to meaningful engagement rather than forceful productivity. Learn to nurture agency as you’d cultivate a delicate plant—growing your ability gently, with care and play, instead of harsh deadlines or rigid routines.

Key Takeaways

• Practice pausing with kindness to heal the injured trust beneath procrastination and overwhelm.
• Embrace agency as the starting point for guided growth, letting agency serve as your compass in emotional storms.
• Replace forceful tactics with playful, mindful rituals that support reliable starts and creative fulfillment.

Enjoy this episode’s original piano composition, "Snow," weaving gentle three-four rhythms in C minor—a musical reflection of trust and play in motion.

Subscribe now and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more tools to nurture your wandering mind.

Keywords: #ADHD #WanderingMinds #agency #mindfulness #gentleproductivity #trustyourself #creativegrowth #emotionalresilience #playfulfocus #RhythmsOfFocus

Transcript

I just can't get started. Oh, but once I can, I'm good to go. It's a familiar refrain from many a wandering mind. Sometimes we work strong. The stars align whether by deadline or unknown, stumble, spark of novelty. Somehow we find ourselves in a deep dive.

In the immortal words of the Talking Heads, David Byrne, you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?  

Trust over Interest

Too often we say it's all about interest or urgency, something shiny or on fire. We throw up our hands and say, "without these we can't do anything."

But there's so much more going on than simply interest. Interest, after all, is a deeply complex emotion. In fact, it may be more about an injured sense of trust within ourselves.

The word "trust" itself might seem boring. We hear it so often, seems to have lost all meaning. I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

Trust is a sense of feeling that something will continue to behave as it has been, such that it might be relied upon.

It is a vital, vital concept that creates structure. Even words themselves. Our words exist because we feel that they will continue to behave as they have been within the ecology of the worlds in which we live inside and out.

What do I mean by trust when it comes to play and work?

A Few Examples

Well, let's take an example. Let's say you see someone schedule themselves to do a thing from four to 5:00 PM. Four o'clock comes around, they sit down and they do it. What's the magic? It doesn't seem like we can do that. What happens if we don't feel like it? The feeling of even "feeling like it" is deeply complex.

Wandering minds often face multiple worries each, and evidence of the loss of trust in ourselves.

For example, let's say we try to set something at four o'clock and we might wonder a whole series of questions:

how am I gonna feel when that time comes? What will I be in the middle of? Would I be able to stop if I got started? Would I be able to get back if I need to set it aside? Would I even know what to do if I started? And what if I don't? What if other things come up while I'm working? Will I even realize it? Would I miss yet another important matter? What if I run off on a thousand tangents in the meantime? And many other possibilities...

Now, this is just about a thing at four o'clock. There's many other types of work, not to mention, balancing various things that we've got going on in our lives. Each of these questions have fears within them.

For example, "would I be able to get back to it if I need to set it aside?" Well, here we might wind up creating another pile that's incomplete.

Each of these questions have a fear within them,

 if there weren't, it's because we would already have the trust we needed. The questions themselves wouldn't come up. But the questions as they are unanswered, bog us down, or perhaps we've answered them in some negative sense and we don't even wanna look at them, in which case we can't even engage. Each of these are evidence that this is not just about interest, but of an injured trust in ourselves.

Years of experience have taught us that things can go very wrong very quickly. Why start?    

Obligations Remain, So We Rely on Force

Unclear of what to do. We still have to make things happen. So until that hope for day that we can engage without fuss or that desire or that urgency or whatever will get us there, we rely on force using methods to induce those sorts of feelings.

Maybe we wait for deadlines. Maybe we wait until we feel like it. We hyper schedule our calendar beyond any developed practice. I've already talked about how scheduling one thing can be a problem. Here we make it even worse.

Leveraging the shame of past failures, yelling at ourselves verbally through post-it notes, through overburdened task lists. Ask others to remind us giving up our agency, tricking ourselves through hacks like false deadlines that we already know aren't real. Reminding ourselves again and again to "just start" forcing ourselves to stay in it while we're there. Either of those can make it worse for the next time that we wanna start, because those, I don't want our feelings grow even stronger.

Each of these are methods of force because we don't trust ourselves.

And while these sometimes work, they're often painful, unreliable, and create further problems down the line, including making those, "I don't wanna feelings" stronger.

Not the least of which, there's also the problem that when we use these, we effectively tell ourselves that we are untrustworthy because these are the only ways that we've found that work.

What We Don't Trust

But what is it that we don't trust? We don't trust that there are other waves of emotion that we can ride, besides urgency.

Could we engage if we, for example, don't feel like it. That doesn't mean we ignore those feelings. Quite the contrary, the exercise becomes one of agency: that ability to decide and engage non reactively.

Maybe we don't even act. Maybe we decide we don't want to do it. But if we can do that from this place of centeredness, where we've considered the feelings and what's going on, well now we are acting in a place that feels meaningful to us.

The injury to trust is also the injury to agency. We scaffold that sense by pausing, that magic button, that most difficult thing, the thing that's hard to remember to do.

But once we can try, once we get there, on those rare occasions, perhaps- if we can practice something that feels useful, meaningful, if we can be able to start to nourish those gentle tendrils of trust, maybe in a wave of play or care, we might be that much more likely to pause again, that's the practice. That pause is what starts to heal, or at least answers some aspect of these questions of ability and competency.

Bravery in Growing Trust

It takes a certain bravery and we can be brave without being reckless. We don't wanna throw ourselves at a task become yet another method by which we attempt force injure ourselves further. We don't grow a plant by pulling it upwards until it uproots. We don't develop our muscles by benchpressing 300 pounds when we've never done it before.

We grow trust as we would something gently through time and care. I tend to use the tools of anchoring, regular visits, a visit guide. These sorts of things that I may mention here and there I talk about in other episodes, it may not be enough to simply tell you that these exist, and the reason is because it takes practice.

There's a growth to developing trust in yourself because it's a living thing.

The seeds of play, for example, this powerful force for learning mastery, meaningful work- stirs in those windows of challenge, sometimes light, sometimes strong. Too much. We're overwhelmed, too little we're bored.

When we can allow ourselves to simply be in that visit with the work where we can walk away at any time, it lets us connect in those deeper emotional levels where the trust needs to build, where those questions I mentioned earlier, all evidence in the tendrils of growth. It helps to better find those windows, those trellis peeking out at the light.

For a monotronic, myopic, magnified mind- a wandering mind- either emotion can swallow as whole as strong emotions can.

Check out episode 14 for more on how I expand the idea of a monotropic mind. But when we can, let's say leverage play, we can find the root of it as we're sitting there, even if we didn't have it to begin with as we approached, we might be able to find a feedback loop within it.

A World Opens

When we can trust ourselves to find those seeds, the world starts to open up. The heavy fog of impossibility begins to lift. We can not only be on top of our work, we can start more reliably getting to things that matter to us, feel more confidence in our visions and how we develop them and even improve our relationships.

We garden that spirit through risk and bravery, and we do so in a kind considered way.

Music - "Snow"

Staring up to the sky. As the snow falls down, I think we can feel a sense of play between the flakes of snow and the wind. There's something whimsical in the blend of three- four time and a minor key, which is what I think tries to capture this idea. Today's piece of music is called Snow. It's in C...]]>Ever feel lost at the starting line, waiting for motivation or urgency to nudge you into action? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we break through the myth that productivity is just about interest or deadlines and instead explore the deeper role of trust—trust in oneself, in emotions, and in the gentle rhythms of daily life.

Discover how acknowledging your questions and fears can open the door to meaningful engagement rather than forceful productivity. Learn to nurture agency as you’d cultivate a delicate plant—growing your ability gently, with care and play, instead of harsh deadlines or rigid routines.

Key Takeaways

• Practice pausing with kindness to heal the injured trust beneath procrastination and overwhelm.
• Embrace agency as the starting point for guided growth, letting agency serve as your compass in emotional storms.
• Replace forceful tactics with playful, mindful rituals that support reliable starts and creative fulfillment.

Enjoy this episode’s original piano composition, "Snow," weaving gentle three-four rhythms in C minor—a musical reflection of trust and play in motion.

Subscribe now and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more tools to nurture your wandering mind.

Keywords: #ADHD #WanderingMinds #agency #mindfulness #gentleproductivity #trustyourself #creativegrowth #emotionalresilience #playfulfocus #RhythmsOfFocus

Transcript

I just can't get started. Oh, but once I can, I'm good to go. It's a familiar refrain from many a wandering mind. Sometimes we work strong. The stars align whether by deadline or unknown, stumble, spark of novelty. Somehow we find ourselves in a deep dive.

In the immortal words of the Talking Heads, David Byrne, you may ask yourself, well, how did I get here?  

Trust over Interest

Too often we say it's all about interest or urgency, something shiny or on fire. We throw up our hands and say, "without these we can't do anything."

But there's so much more going on than simply interest. Interest, after all, is a deeply complex emotion. In fact, it may be more about an injured sense of trust within ourselves.

The word "trust" itself might seem boring. We hear it so often, seems to have lost all meaning. I've said it before, but I'll say it again.

Trust is a sense of feeling that something will continue to behave as it has been, such that it might be relied upon.

It is a vital, vital concept that creates structure. Even words themselves. Our words exist because we feel that they will continue to behave as they have been within the ecology of the worlds in which we live inside and out.

What do I mean by trust when it comes to play and work?

A Few Examples

Well, let's take an example. Let's say you see someone schedule themselves to do a thing from four to 5:00 PM. Four o'clock comes around, they sit down and they do it. What's the magic? It doesn't seem like we can do that. What happens if we don't feel like it? The feeling of even "feeling like it" is deeply complex.

Wandering minds often face multiple worries each, and evidence of the loss of trust in ourselves.

For example, let's say we try to set something at four o'clock and we might wonder a whole series of questions:

how am I gonna feel when that time comes? What will I be in the middle of? Would I be able to stop if I got started? Would I be able to get back if I need to set it aside? Would I even know what to do if I started? And what if I don't? What if other things come up while I'm working? Will I even realize it? Would I miss yet another important matter? What if I run off on a thousand tangents in the meantime? And many other possibilities...

Now, this is just about a thing at four o'clock. There's many other types of work, not to mention, balancing various things that we've got going on in our lives. Each of these questions have fears within them.

For example, "would I be able to get back to it if I need to set it aside?" Well, here we might wind up creating another pile that's incomplete.

Each of these questions have a fear within them,

 if there weren't, it's because we would already have the trust we needed. The questions themselves wouldn't come up. But the questions as they are unanswered, bog us down, or perhaps we've answered them in some negative sense and we don't even wanna look at them, in which case we can't even engage. Each of these are evidence that this is not just about interest, but of an injured trust in ourselves.

Years of experience have taught us that things can go very wrong very quickly. Why start?    

Obligations Remain, So We Rely on Force

Unclear of what to do. We still have to make things happen. So until that hope for day that we can engage without fuss or that desire or that urgency or whatever will get us there, we rely on force using methods to induce those sorts of feelings.

Maybe we wait for deadlines. Maybe we wait until we feel like it. We hyper schedule our calendar beyond any developed practice. I've already talked about how scheduling one thing can be a problem. Here we make it even worse.

Leveraging the shame of past failures, yelling at ourselves verbally through post-it notes, through overburdened task lists. Ask others to remind us giving up our agency, tricking ourselves through hacks like false deadlines that we already know aren't real. Reminding ourselves again and again to "just start" forcing ourselves to stay in it while we're there. Either of those can make it worse for the next time that we wanna start, because those, I don't want our feelings grow even stronger.

Each of these are methods of force because we don't trust ourselves.

And while these sometimes work, they're often painful, unreliable, and create further problems down the line, including making those, "I don't wanna feelings" stronger.

Not the least of which, there's also the problem that when we use these, we effectively tell ourselves that we are untrustworthy because these are the only ways that we've found that work.

What We Don't Trust

But what is it that we don't trust? We don't trust that there are other waves of emotion that we can ride, besides urgency.

Could we engage if we, for example, don't feel like it. That doesn't mean we ignore those feelings. Quite the contrary, the exercise becomes one of agency: that ability to decide and engage non reactively.

Maybe we don't even act. Maybe we decide we don't want to do it. But if we can do that from this place of centeredness, where we've considered the feelings and what's going on, well now we are acting in a place that feels meaningful to us.

The injury to trust is also the injury to agency. We scaffold that sense by pausing, that magic button, that most difficult thing, the thing that's hard to remember to do.

But once we can try, once we get there, on those rare occasions, perhaps- if we can practice something that feels useful, meaningful, if we can be able to start to nourish those gentle tendrils of trust, maybe in a wave of play or care, we might be that much more likely to pause again, that's the practice. That pause is what starts to heal, or at least answers some aspect of these questions of ability and competency.

Bravery in Growing Trust

It takes a certain bravery and we can be brave without being reckless. We don't wanna throw ourselves at a task become yet another method by which we attempt force injure ourselves further. We don't grow a plant by pulling it upwards until it uproots. We don't develop our muscles by benchpressing 300 pounds when we've never done it before.

We grow trust as we would something gently through time and care. I tend to use the tools of anchoring, regular visits, a visit guide. These sorts of things that I may mention here and there I talk about in other episodes, it may not be enough to simply tell you that these exist, and the reason is because it takes practice.

There's a growth to developing trust in yourself because it's a living thing.

The seeds of play, for example, this powerful force for learning mastery, meaningful work- stirs in those windows of challenge, sometimes light, sometimes strong. Too much. We're overwhelmed, too little we're bored.

When we can allow ourselves to simply be in that visit with the work where we can walk away at any time, it lets us connect in those deeper emotional levels where the trust needs to build, where those questions I mentioned earlier, all evidence in the tendrils of growth. It helps to better find those windows, those trellis peeking out at the light.

For a monotronic, myopic, magnified mind- a wandering mind- either emotion can swallow as whole as strong emotions can.

Check out episode 14 for more on how I expand the idea of a monotropic mind. But when we can, let's say leverage play, we can find the root of it as we're sitting there, even if we didn't have it to begin with as we approached, we might be able to find a feedback loop within it.

A World Opens

When we can trust ourselves to find those seeds, the world starts to open up. The heavy fog of impossibility begins to lift. We can not only be on top of our work, we can start more reliably getting to things that matter to us, feel more confidence in our visions and how we develop them and even improve our relationships.

We garden that spirit through risk and bravery, and we do so in a kind considered way.

Music - "Snow"

Staring up to the sky. As the snow falls down, I think we can feel a sense of play between the flakes of snow and the wind. There's something whimsical in the blend of three- four time and a minor key, which is what I think tries to capture this idea. Today's piece of music is called Snow. It's in C minor.

Hope you enjoy it.

Listeners will discover:

- Why overwhelm arises and how to meet it with self-compassion, especially with a wandering mind or ADHD

- How agency isn’t about forcing focus, but about learning to navigate uncertainty and rekindling a sense of play within chaos

- Practical micro-strategies to move forward when the tides feel too strong

Key takeaways:

- Identify the emotional waves beneath overwhelm to turn anxiety into insight

- Use imperfect notes and tasks as trail markers, not obligations

- Find rhythm and enjoyment by honoring the present moment, rather than chasing an imagined “better way”

This episode features an original piano composition in C Minor, echoing the episode’s themes with swirling, heartfelt music. Subscribe and keep steering your own boat at rhythmsoffocus.com—where agency, mindfulness, and the creative spirit set the tempo.

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Overwhelm #FocusStrategies #SelfCompassion #CreativeAgency #EmotionalWaves #Agency #KouroshDini

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

This episode explores:

- The hidden dynamics between past, present, and future selves, revealing how trust fuels sustainable change.

- Why shame-driven productivity sabotages agency, and how acknowledging "I don’t want to" can heal the cycle of procrastination.

- How the simple daily practice of a "visit" transforms tasks into invitations for growth, gently guiding momentum.

### Key Takeaways

- Replace the pressure of deadlines with the gentle rhythm of a daily invite—paying a mindful visit, then letting go.

- Build trust with your future self through repeated, compassionate invitations instead of self-criticism.

- Use habit trackers or one-thing lists to support playful mastery and meaningful engagement, one day at a time.

This episode features an original piano composition, echoing the theme of growth through rhythm and honoring the wandering nature of the mind. Subscribe and set sail with us at rhythmsoffocus.com—agency and creative potential await.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #Creativity #SelfCompassion #FocusStrategies #HabitBuilding #GentleRhythm #Neurodiversity

Transcript

The Pressure to Not Break a Streak

Beating down the door, maybe haunting our dreams, or at least somewhere in memes there's a mascot of a particular language app.

This app, which shall remain nameless, is one I actually rather enjoy, but if I miss a day, I'll lose my streak and there's something of a burden to doing that. I imagine many of us have this sort of similar process of not wanting to break the chain. Is there an alternative? 

Chasing Pride

We do a thing every day and the number advances showing that I've added a new number to my streak. Haha, the number's growing. I grow proud.

There are, however, at least two occasions where I lost that number. Each time, it was somewhere in the hundreds, and I found much opportunity to practice my glowering in those days.

The popular method for creating this habit, if you will, is called "Don't Break the Chain." In essence, it's about doing a thing every day and then adding a tally to it every time. And as the number increases, you grow prouder of yourself and somewhere along the way build a habit. Many apps and admonitions for developing habit encourage this path.

Running from Failure and Shame

However, this method is also one that subtly uses the fear of defeat and consequently shame as motivators. If you happen to miss a day, the counter returns to zero. The worry of impending failure is always there. While we haven't failed yet, the voice that is inevitable is always behind us. Since all things must pass somewhere down the line, the chain will break.

What is a Measure?

Further, while we may grow proud of that number, there's something to consider in that comment by Goodhart, "when a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure." If I only go for that number, I can feel the stagnation in my learning.

But if I take the time to be and experience the words, the sentences, play with them until they feel like they're second nature.

Well, now I'm learning, but I also risk not meeting the requirements for that day's tick. In other words, the required milestone of work can stand against my learning.

The Thing Itself

So what's important is the thing itself, whatever it is, we're engaging the task, the hobby, the study, the measure that matters is our experience.

I describe a practice of a daily invite, in episode 24. In short, it means to one, decide to be with something, two, be and then three. Do that daily

The steps can seem quite obvious.

However, by separating the components, we can now practice them. We can consider what helps with any of these steps. Also, because there is no number, the loss is not a given. We can reflect on the effect of a missing day. In that reflection, we can better decide whether it would be useful to gently return ourselves to that habit, and then further, let's take that word "habit." Rather than be so harsh, if things miss here and there, we still have a rhythm.

One that fades in and out of our lives, weaving itself where it matters most. The importance is the experience, not the number. And because of this difference, we're no longer beholden to a number so much as a developing sense of whatever it is that we're building, both as a thing and in how we relate to it.

"Ascend"

As we practice a craft, learn something field of knowledge, there are often a zillion different components to think through.

We can't think of everything all at once, . We can't practice them all at once, but we can garden them over time. We practice one bit. See how that goes. Practice another, practice them together. Forget things, let them fade and bring them back. Somehow in the roots and irrigation systems of this underground unconscious, as we do this, ideas start to generalize within the whole field, within the knowledge that we gather, within the skills.

Sometimes if we're lucky, it starts blending even into the other words and worlds we inhabit.

As I get better with writing music, I might get better with writing words. As I get better at understanding creativity, I might get better at understanding the pains of when that system is blocked in whatever the field as I sit with a client, maybe.

The following piece is called Ascend, written in C sharp minor three quarters time.

I had originally thought of it as a scene of Devils and Angels arising and fighting each other. Somehow it turned into this title, ascend, eh, not sure what to make of that. Regardless, I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Instead of painting "time blindness" as a personal flaw, what if our struggles are a natural response to a world obsessed with rigidly measured seconds—rather than meaningful rhythms?

There is more to time than simply the clock. We have our own internal time. Rather than force our own natural time into something it is not, how could we instead find a synchronized, harmonic approach, where have our own while still meeting the world where it is?

Listeners will learn:

• Why the traditional clock can feel like a hostile force—and how to find harmony within its structure
• How connecting with nature’s own cycles can restore a sense of attunement and ease
• The Lighthouse Technique: a practical method for making transitions and cultivating agency, using moments of decision instead of alarms that startle and shame

Takeaways

• Reframe time struggles as differences in rhythm, not deficits
• Use “lighthouse” reminders to gently guide transitions, supporting agency and minimizing stress
• Anchor productivity in meaningful decisions, not force or alarms—tuning in to the natural waves of focus

This episode features an original piano composition, "Aging" in C minor, which musically explores the unfolding of time and its emotional textures. Subscribe and sail with us at rhythmsoffocus.com to nurture your agency and find your rhythm amidst the waves.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #MindfulProductivity #TimeBlindness #LighthouseTechnique #CreativeFocus #Neurodivergent #RhythmsOfFocus #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

"Time Blindness" as Symptom

I got a thing today at 3pm. I can't do anything until then.

Wandering minds such as those with ADHD, often struggle with the clock. So many of our troubles seem to deal with time. Hyper-focused due dates, procrastination, scheduling, dealing with a schedule when life hits and things go awry. Hyper-focused time sink, if not wormhole, fearing that time sink, but then it turns out to be something small.

All of these have something to do with time.

It'd be easy to point at these difficulties and then call them "symptoms," the word synonymous with "something wrong with you." But what if it's not about being wrong so much as it is about being out of sync with this increasingly artificial structure of time that surrounds us.

What even is a "second"?

 Let's consider a central unit of a clock for a moment. This idea of time being so important to our lives. The second.

The second was first considered as this thing, this entity by a Persian scholar, Al Biruni, around the year 1000, as some fraction of the lunar cycle. It's since been defined and refined to further experientially distant concepts, things further away from us.

Somehow in our scientific pursuits, we finally landed on something in 1967. The second was defined as the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the Cesium-133 atom. And somehow this fundamental unit of time is how we're supposed to relate to each other.

Time is a Matter of Nature

Wandering minds often do better when in nature. The woods, the beach, the sun, the intense, the calm, all seem to work better within our rhythms there. Nature seems to ease concerns, scatter feelings of being inept, all being replaced with this attunement to the now. This depth of reality, relaxation into being.

What's strangely not obvious is that time itself is a matter of nature. It's experienced. Without consciousness, there is no time. Without time, there's no consciousness.

Clocks are Human Constructions

Our culture has adapted, churned, and twisted time to suit itself, much like the rest of nature. We look at seconds, minutes, hours, as if they had substance and they don't.

They're a human construct. Representations hollow in and of themselves. As humans, we're much more attuned to those things with which we have some direct experience. The breath, the day, the seasons of the morning, afternoon, evening, the wee hours of the night. Each of these have a much deeper experiential meaning than the seconds of a watch.

Our natural waves of focus and emotions crest into consciousness in their own time, swelling, and fading by their own existence.

The artificial hands of a clock and the demands they represent often strike through the moment, often creating the very turbulence that we then accuse ourselves of being "symptomatic."

Clock Divisions as Buoys in the Water

Certainly the clock has its advantages. it helps us to synchronize as a society. I'd hardly be able to maintain my psychiatric practice, for example, without a clear idea of when I'd meet my next client.

We must still interact with this world carved as it is into these odd divisions, but I won't call them correct.

They're buoys floating in the waters. These divisions are entities with which I can have a relationship.

Beyond time, there's money, there's people, there's the world that surrounds us. We're still responsible for living in it, for finding where we can have a symbiotic, harmonic relationship where we can care and play, and the world would hopefully, willingly support us in turn. No easy feat.

But we don't have to say that one measurement is correct while others are not. Rather than accuse ourselves of deficit, we can then wonder how might my rhythms work with those around me? Where can I find some port to meet the world in some time that harmonizes synchronizes with that around me?

Aim for Decision, Not Time

So what do we do? As many of you know, by now, I like to work by this unit of a visit where possible. Check out episode four for details, but the thumbnail is, it's a unit of work where we show up to something, standing at that edge of action where it's as easy to step away as it is to step forward. And we stay there for the single deep breath.

At that point, we now have full freedom to reflect and decide about what is in front of us and what it means to us. Whether we decide to set it aside, nudge it forward, or dive in. As the mind flows with a natural rhythm, a wave that cannot be turned on or off with a switch, we might then fear,

Hey, there's that thing at three.

How could we ever start knowing we might get caught in the rapids? Losing all awareness of other important matters. Alarms start to blare uselessly, as our eardrums seem to have signed off.

Many of us use timers, understandably so. In fact, rightfully so. But the fact that we often need to keep turning up the volume on them might say that we're not using them quite right.

Where we often fail is that we aim for a time rather than decision.

We aim for a time to pull ourselves away, to use some force based method rather than supporting ourselves in our agency.

The Lighthouse Technique

A method I like to use here is what I call a lighthouse technique. At its simplest, it means focusing on a meaningful moment of decision. As an example, let's say you have an hour until the next thing, whatever the next thing is, rather than set the alert for an hour from now, let's say you knocked off roughly 25% of the time.

There's a lot more calculations and thinking through as you could go if you wanted to, but I find that to be a good rough number. The idea is that we can acknowledge the transition and more importantly, that decision as to whether we want to make that transition or not.

When we've set it up such that we have time, our own time to gradually wind down our thoughts, our feelings, our ideas, the emotions of the work of the now, allow them to rest where they be ready for you to launch easily next time, maybe even consolidate our thoughts for the now, maybe even have time to make it to the next thing and do so smoothly. Well, wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that smooth the waters? Wouldn't that allow you to have a more meaningful connection?

But further is again, that time for decision because now not only can we do all of those things. We can decide, you know what? I'm in a flow and I like where I am. The next thing maybe isn't quite so important. I can call them, I can email them, I can text them. I can let them know, "Hey, I'm on a roll right now. This doesn't work." Or we can acknowledge it to ourselves.

 We could decide, you know what? I'm gonna hold off. Instead of transitioning smoothly right now, I'm gonna transition roughly later. every moment trading an increasing amount of chaos for the time of the Now.

We have that decision now in front of us. We no longer lose that decision.

The alert now has meaning it's no longer this hollow clock, and the fact that it connects with something important within ourselves now means that we're much more likely to actually hear it. Whatever we decide to do, even if the default is to simply continue forward.

When we respect agency, this central unit, this idea of decision within ourselves, this ability to decide non-reactivity, we start to figure out ways where we can better communicate between our internal time and the one that surrounds us. 

Music, Time, and "Aging"

Music has an interesting way of dealing with time. It's very medium, is that of time. Listen to what's called a drop in electronic music, dance music in particular, and you'll hear this build this tension that then crashes to this return of the regular rhythm. What created that tension? It's more than just a pitch, although that can often be in it.

But the shortening of a beat creates this transition of the nature of time within us. We feel time shift. There's a series of quarter notes that go to]]>Wandering Minds often blame themselves when struggling with time.

Instead of painting "time blindness" as a personal flaw, what if our struggles are a natural response to a world obsessed with rigidly measured seconds—rather than meaningful rhythms?

There is more to time than simply the clock. We have our own internal time. Rather than force our own natural time into something it is not, how could we instead find a synchronized, harmonic approach, where have our own while still meeting the world where it is?

Listeners will learn:

• Why the traditional clock can feel like a hostile force—and how to find harmony within its structure
• How connecting with nature’s own cycles can restore a sense of attunement and ease
• The Lighthouse Technique: a practical method for making transitions and cultivating agency, using moments of decision instead of alarms that startle and shame

Takeaways

• Reframe time struggles as differences in rhythm, not deficits
• Use “lighthouse” reminders to gently guide transitions, supporting agency and minimizing stress
• Anchor productivity in meaningful decisions, not force or alarms—tuning in to the natural waves of focus

This episode features an original piano composition, "Aging" in C minor, which musically explores the unfolding of time and its emotional textures. Subscribe and sail with us at rhythmsoffocus.com to nurture your agency and find your rhythm amidst the waves.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Agency #MindfulProductivity #TimeBlindness #LighthouseTechnique #CreativeFocus #Neurodivergent #RhythmsOfFocus #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

"Time Blindness" as Symptom

I got a thing today at 3pm. I can't do anything until then.

Wandering minds such as those with ADHD, often struggle with the clock. So many of our troubles seem to deal with time. Hyper-focused due dates, procrastination, scheduling, dealing with a schedule when life hits and things go awry. Hyper-focused time sink, if not wormhole, fearing that time sink, but then it turns out to be something small.

All of these have something to do with time.

It'd be easy to point at these difficulties and then call them "symptoms," the word synonymous with "something wrong with you." But what if it's not about being wrong so much as it is about being out of sync with this increasingly artificial structure of time that surrounds us.

What even is a "second"?

 Let's consider a central unit of a clock for a moment. This idea of time being so important to our lives. The second.

The second was first considered as this thing, this entity by a Persian scholar, Al Biruni, around the year 1000, as some fraction of the lunar cycle. It's since been defined and refined to further experientially distant concepts, things further away from us.

Somehow in our scientific pursuits, we finally landed on something in 1967. The second was defined as the duration of 9,192,631,770 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the Cesium-133 atom. And somehow this fundamental unit of time is how we're supposed to relate to each other.

Time is a Matter of Nature

Wandering minds often do better when in nature. The woods, the beach, the sun, the intense, the calm, all seem to work better within our rhythms there. Nature seems to ease concerns, scatter feelings of being inept, all being replaced with this attunement to the now. This depth of reality, relaxation into being.

What's strangely not obvious is that time itself is a matter of nature. It's experienced. Without consciousness, there is no time. Without time, there's no consciousness.

Clocks are Human Constructions

Our culture has adapted, churned, and twisted time to suit itself, much like the rest of nature. We look at seconds, minutes, hours, as if they had substance and they don't.

They're a human construct. Representations hollow in and of themselves. As humans, we're much more attuned to those things with which we have some direct experience. The breath, the day, the seasons of the morning, afternoon, evening, the wee hours of the night. Each of these have a much deeper experiential meaning than the seconds of a watch.

Our natural waves of focus and emotions crest into consciousness in their own time, swelling, and fading by their own existence.

The artificial hands of a clock and the demands they represent often strike through the moment, often creating the very turbulence that we then accuse ourselves of being "symptomatic."

Clock Divisions as Buoys in the Water

Certainly the clock has its advantages. it helps us to synchronize as a society. I'd hardly be able to maintain my psychiatric practice, for example, without a clear idea of when I'd meet my next client.

We must still interact with this world carved as it is into these odd divisions, but I won't call them correct.

They're buoys floating in the waters. These divisions are entities with which I can have a relationship.

Beyond time, there's money, there's people, there's the world that surrounds us. We're still responsible for living in it, for finding where we can have a symbiotic, harmonic relationship where we can care and play, and the world would hopefully, willingly support us in turn. No easy feat.

But we don't have to say that one measurement is correct while others are not. Rather than accuse ourselves of deficit, we can then wonder how might my rhythms work with those around me? Where can I find some port to meet the world in some time that harmonizes synchronizes with that around me?

Aim for Decision, Not Time

So what do we do? As many of you know, by now, I like to work by this unit of a visit where possible. Check out episode four for details, but the thumbnail is, it's a unit of work where we show up to something, standing at that edge of action where it's as easy to step away as it is to step forward. And we stay there for the single deep breath.

At that point, we now have full freedom to reflect and decide about what is in front of us and what it means to us. Whether we decide to set it aside, nudge it forward, or dive in. As the mind flows with a natural rhythm, a wave that cannot be turned on or off with a switch, we might then fear,

Hey, there's that thing at three.

How could we ever start knowing we might get caught in the rapids? Losing all awareness of other important matters. Alarms start to blare uselessly, as our eardrums seem to have signed off.

Many of us use timers, understandably so. In fact, rightfully so. But the fact that we often need to keep turning up the volume on them might say that we're not using them quite right.

Where we often fail is that we aim for a time rather than decision.

We aim for a time to pull ourselves away, to use some force based method rather than supporting ourselves in our agency.

The Lighthouse Technique

A method I like to use here is what I call a lighthouse technique. At its simplest, it means focusing on a meaningful moment of decision. As an example, let's say you have an hour until the next thing, whatever the next thing is, rather than set the alert for an hour from now, let's say you knocked off roughly 25% of the time.

There's a lot more calculations and thinking through as you could go if you wanted to, but I find that to be a good rough number. The idea is that we can acknowledge the transition and more importantly, that decision as to whether we want to make that transition or not.

When we've set it up such that we have time, our own time to gradually wind down our thoughts, our feelings, our ideas, the emotions of the work of the now, allow them to rest where they be ready for you to launch easily next time, maybe even consolidate our thoughts for the now, maybe even have time to make it to the next thing and do so smoothly. Well, wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that smooth the waters? Wouldn't that allow you to have a more meaningful connection?

But further is again, that time for decision because now not only can we do all of those things. We can decide, you know what? I'm in a flow and I like where I am. The next thing maybe isn't quite so important. I can call them, I can email them, I can text them. I can let them know, "Hey, I'm on a roll right now. This doesn't work." Or we can acknowledge it to ourselves.

 We could decide, you know what? I'm gonna hold off. Instead of transitioning smoothly right now, I'm gonna transition roughly later. every moment trading an increasing amount of chaos for the time of the Now.

We have that decision now in front of us. We no longer lose that decision.

The alert now has meaning it's no longer this hollow clock, and the fact that it connects with something important within ourselves now means that we're much more likely to actually hear it. Whatever we decide to do, even if the default is to simply continue forward.

When we respect agency, this central unit, this idea of decision within ourselves, this ability to decide non-reactivity, we start to figure out ways where we can better communicate between our internal time and the one that surrounds us. 

Music, Time, and "Aging"

Music has an interesting way of dealing with time. It's very medium, is that of time. Listen to what's called a drop in electronic music, dance music in particular, and you'll hear this build this tension that then crashes to this return of the regular rhythm. What created that tension? It's more than just a pitch, although that can often be in it.

But the shortening of a beat creates this transition of the nature of time within us. We feel time shift. There's a series of quarter notes that go to eighth notes to 16th, 30 seconds, 64th, bam. Sometimes there's a twist of silence, a funny noise, a something to disrupt the pattern, but these are just teases to this process.

The same thing happens everywhere in music. A four measure phrase becomes long only in the context of another phrase that's shorter, and it becomes short in the context of another phrase that's longer. While we can play with a metronome, we don't even have to do that.

Chopin's "rubatto" playing expands and shrinks the underlying nature of this sort of grid of time to convey its own emotions.

The following piece. Does what many if not all of music does, it plays with time. In repeating the first phrase that establishes one length, but a melody then shows up to say, Hey, what if we went longer while the first phrase continues underneath?

And so there's this new world that's created.

On the one hand, we have this world where there's one time and that contrasts with another world that has two times, and those times are in contrast with each other. The piece is called aging. It's written in C minor, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Listeners will uncover:

• The hidden emotional loops that sabotage progress with to-do lists, and how to break them.
• A practical, mindful approach for tuning choices in real time, empowering daily momentum.

Key Takeaways

• Revitalize your to-do list by updating it as a living tool, not a harsh judge.
• Reframe frustration as the start of a conversation with your past, present, and future selves.
• Treat decisions as “sharpening the ax”—practice tuning your actions to the moment rather than pursuing perfection.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Winnie,” capturing the spark of creative beginnings.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to continue your journey toward agency, mindfulness, and a rhythm that’s truly your own.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #DecisionMaking #ToDoLists #DailyRhythms #SelfCompassion #FocusStrategies #PianoOriginal

Transcript

 The Energy Goes Poof

Up in the morning, ready and raring to go. I don't know what I'll do yet, but I've got the energy.

I know what I'll do. I'll take a look at my list and just start taking things on. Ah, wait. Here we go. Alright. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I already did that. I, I forgot about that. Oh my goodness. The deadline for that one's. Oh my goodness. It this long pass. This is coming right up. What does this even mean?

I am horrible at this.

Lemme just go lie down for a second and maybe I'll watch something. It'll come to me. I know. I, I, I'll do something.

The energy we once had has now gone poof. What just happened?

Approaching a List

One of the biggest mistakes in managing our lists, our tasks, is about how we approach them.

There are many task managers out there. I use one myself, OmniFocus, which I've written a book on, it's pretty darn good if I do say so myself. There's things, there's to doist many, many other possibilities including pen and paper, which I also use. All of these promise in some way or another to help you get things done.

And you'd think that this promise is that it's linked to somehow it'll tell you what to do. Just tell me what to do already. You want to look at this thing and just have a way to move forward. Why wouldn't we want that?

Decisions are heavy. Have a listen to episode 18 if you're interested in hearing about quite how heavy they can be.

But of course, we look at that task manager and it never seems to happen. Instead, even when we've poured our heart and soul into some list, hoping, dreaming that we'll be able to focus where we want to or need to, while everything else patiently waits for us to appear at just the right time. Somehow it doesn't work.

We meticulously work on it. We delve into some hyper-focus attention tunnel to make that perfect system itself, this meta productivity of sorts. And once we step away though, there it is falling apart. No matter how well we've curated a list, when we get back to it, there are things on there that are still not done seemingly mocking us. There are things that need to be in a completely different order, uh, things that shouldn't be there until something else happens. The wording of things are somehow wrong.

Where We Lost Touch

What's going on? Is it our past self? That's once again betrayed us?

Is it our present self that's somehow a failure?

Either question is just a way of leading to some more damage of self-esteem by hitting us where we think we should have had it together, but for some mysterious reason, just don't. Whatever motivation we once had is lost.

What's truly throwing us off isn't that the paper is somehow wrong, that the way we've written things is off. It's not even a belief that it should be the same.

It's how we interpret the emotions that happen as we approach that list. When things are different, when some vision is not where we thought it would be, we hit frustration, confusion, among any number of other feelings.

This is the way minds work. Somehow something's appearing differently than we'd hoped, and there's some emotional response to that.

But because of so many of the struggles a wandering mind can go through in life- whether we've forgotten things, we've dropped things, we've lost things we've had to try to force ourselves to make things happen- we take that feeling of frustration, confusion, whatever it is that says that things did not go the way we thought they would go and conflate it with failure.

"It's Not Failure" Is Not Enough

It's not failure, and I can say that, but trying to practice that is another story. The practice is

to recognize that that feeling of frustration is only the beginning of a conversation between ourselves through time, our past, present, and future selves. That is the challenge.

Task systems will not line up with reality. The moment we walk away, regardless of how tuned they are, they decay. They fall apart because reality changes while the list doesn't.

Secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, as much as we may like it to the task system, the list, these will not make our decisions for us. They won't lighten the load that decisions have other than holding them in place. All the list can do is to now show us what we once thought was important to help make our decisions for the now.

Why even have a list?

So what's the point? Why even have a list? It seems like it's a whole lot of work for nothing, and some of us do come to that conclusion and toss the thing, just kind of drift and do what comes to mind. Obviously that has its own share of problems.

But when we work on that thing in front of us, when we think about our decision in the moment, we are tuning it for the moment. We are trying to make it reflect our reality now, what we want to do, what we need to do, making estimates as to how to get information back to us, when and where it might be useful.

In this process, we are in fact doing the work of making an informed decision for this moment.

In this way, it's like tuning a guitar. Every time we come to it. We'll need to make some adjustment. We need to listen to it, consider how the sounds fit together, twist the pegs until they have some harmony that we need to have it. Be there for us to help us do something with it. Certainly, the better we get at it, the less time it takes to tune to the moment.

The more steady the conditions, the more reliably the guitar or the list might even hold its tune over time. Instead of thinking a list or task should be perfect. We can realize instead that of course it needs to be updated. The world has changed.

Our lists are ideas, meaning itself, decays, just like anything else. They're always growing, beginning as seeds, growing and blooming, changing, shifting, adjusting the ecology around it. That realization changes everything.

It may seem daunting. Because it is daunting. Freedom is daunting. Decisions have weight, but we are now free.

Free to make changes. The list doesn't work for you. Fine. Change the list. What about it doesn't work anymore? What's new?

There is a bravery to confronting it because now we see where problems are a little bit more clearly, perhaps. Where have we over promised ourselves? More subtly maybe, we might see where feelings of guilt have resulted in squeezing out things we wanted to do. More positively, we might realize that several ideas can come together into a new single action.

It's all about making that solid decision, for this moment. A solid decision is a powerful foundation on which we can take action. I like the Abraham Lincoln quote. Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I'll spend the first four sharpening the ax. Making that decision is a sharpened ax. Working on the list in the moment is the act of sharpening it.  

"Winnie" and the Magic of a Fresh Idea

There's something magical to the freshness of an idea.

I had this old comic book by Berkeley Bretford, author of Bloom County and his, uh, lovely characters of Opus and Bill the Cat among others. I remember in the forward of one of these books, uh, he included sketches of his characters early, sort of just pencil sketches, and he said much the same as what I'm saying now, that there's something magical to those first sketches, and really, there was something cool about it, something ah, on fire something, a light, something electric. It's when the ideas are brightest. I think that's part of why we often like to dive into something when the muse strikes.

We're not holding onto the words or figures or symbols or images to help us figure out what it is we're talking about.

We have some thing in mind, some feeling already there and some inchoate state. Something that we're trying to put into words and paper and whatever. As an audience, we can more directly feel the origin of those waves when we see those thoughts and the like just crashing onto the paper, as undeveloped as they are.

This piece of music is early in its creation. There are things I'd change and adjust and move this there and make this louder or...]]>Discover the secret rhythms that guide a wandering mind—especially when the “energy goes poof.” In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, Kourosh Dini dives into the emotional undercurrents that make lists and to-dos feel overwhelming, unraveling the real reasons our energy fizzles out and motivation slips away. Rather than rigid productivity, explore why tuning in to the present moment—like adjusting the strings of a well-loved instrument—fosters lasting agency and self-compassion for adults with ADHD and wandering minds.

Listeners will uncover:

• The hidden emotional loops that sabotage progress with to-do lists, and how to break them.
• A practical, mindful approach for tuning choices in real time, empowering daily momentum.

Key Takeaways

• Revitalize your to-do list by updating it as a living tool, not a harsh judge.
• Reframe frustration as the start of a conversation with your past, present, and future selves.
• Treat decisions as “sharpening the ax”—practice tuning your actions to the moment rather than pursuing perfection.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Winnie,” capturing the spark of creative beginnings.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to continue your journey toward agency, mindfulness, and a rhythm that’s truly your own.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #DecisionMaking #ToDoLists #DailyRhythms #SelfCompassion #FocusStrategies #PianoOriginal

Transcript

 The Energy Goes Poof

Up in the morning, ready and raring to go. I don't know what I'll do yet, but I've got the energy.

I know what I'll do. I'll take a look at my list and just start taking things on. Ah, wait. Here we go. Alright. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I already did that. I, I forgot about that. Oh my goodness. The deadline for that one's. Oh my goodness. It this long pass. This is coming right up. What does this even mean?

I am horrible at this.

Lemme just go lie down for a second and maybe I'll watch something. It'll come to me. I know. I, I, I'll do something.

The energy we once had has now gone poof. What just happened?

Approaching a List

One of the biggest mistakes in managing our lists, our tasks, is about how we approach them.

There are many task managers out there. I use one myself, OmniFocus, which I've written a book on, it's pretty darn good if I do say so myself. There's things, there's to doist many, many other possibilities including pen and paper, which I also use. All of these promise in some way or another to help you get things done.

And you'd think that this promise is that it's linked to somehow it'll tell you what to do. Just tell me what to do already. You want to look at this thing and just have a way to move forward. Why wouldn't we want that?

Decisions are heavy. Have a listen to episode 18 if you're interested in hearing about quite how heavy they can be.

But of course, we look at that task manager and it never seems to happen. Instead, even when we've poured our heart and soul into some list, hoping, dreaming that we'll be able to focus where we want to or need to, while everything else patiently waits for us to appear at just the right time. Somehow it doesn't work.

We meticulously work on it. We delve into some hyper-focus attention tunnel to make that perfect system itself, this meta productivity of sorts. And once we step away though, there it is falling apart. No matter how well we've curated a list, when we get back to it, there are things on there that are still not done seemingly mocking us. There are things that need to be in a completely different order, uh, things that shouldn't be there until something else happens. The wording of things are somehow wrong.

Where We Lost Touch

What's going on? Is it our past self? That's once again betrayed us?

Is it our present self that's somehow a failure?

Either question is just a way of leading to some more damage of self-esteem by hitting us where we think we should have had it together, but for some mysterious reason, just don't. Whatever motivation we once had is lost.

What's truly throwing us off isn't that the paper is somehow wrong, that the way we've written things is off. It's not even a belief that it should be the same.

It's how we interpret the emotions that happen as we approach that list. When things are different, when some vision is not where we thought it would be, we hit frustration, confusion, among any number of other feelings.

This is the way minds work. Somehow something's appearing differently than we'd hoped, and there's some emotional response to that.

But because of so many of the struggles a wandering mind can go through in life- whether we've forgotten things, we've dropped things, we've lost things we've had to try to force ourselves to make things happen- we take that feeling of frustration, confusion, whatever it is that says that things did not go the way we thought they would go and conflate it with failure.

"It's Not Failure" Is Not Enough

It's not failure, and I can say that, but trying to practice that is another story. The practice is

to recognize that that feeling of frustration is only the beginning of a conversation between ourselves through time, our past, present, and future selves. That is the challenge.

Task systems will not line up with reality. The moment we walk away, regardless of how tuned they are, they decay. They fall apart because reality changes while the list doesn't.

Secondly, and perhaps even more importantly, as much as we may like it to the task system, the list, these will not make our decisions for us. They won't lighten the load that decisions have other than holding them in place. All the list can do is to now show us what we once thought was important to help make our decisions for the now.

Why even have a list?

So what's the point? Why even have a list? It seems like it's a whole lot of work for nothing, and some of us do come to that conclusion and toss the thing, just kind of drift and do what comes to mind. Obviously that has its own share of problems.

But when we work on that thing in front of us, when we think about our decision in the moment, we are tuning it for the moment. We are trying to make it reflect our reality now, what we want to do, what we need to do, making estimates as to how to get information back to us, when and where it might be useful.

In this process, we are in fact doing the work of making an informed decision for this moment.

In this way, it's like tuning a guitar. Every time we come to it. We'll need to make some adjustment. We need to listen to it, consider how the sounds fit together, twist the pegs until they have some harmony that we need to have it. Be there for us to help us do something with it. Certainly, the better we get at it, the less time it takes to tune to the moment.

The more steady the conditions, the more reliably the guitar or the list might even hold its tune over time. Instead of thinking a list or task should be perfect. We can realize instead that of course it needs to be updated. The world has changed.

Our lists are ideas, meaning itself, decays, just like anything else. They're always growing, beginning as seeds, growing and blooming, changing, shifting, adjusting the ecology around it. That realization changes everything.

It may seem daunting. Because it is daunting. Freedom is daunting. Decisions have weight, but we are now free.

Free to make changes. The list doesn't work for you. Fine. Change the list. What about it doesn't work anymore? What's new?

There is a bravery to confronting it because now we see where problems are a little bit more clearly, perhaps. Where have we over promised ourselves? More subtly maybe, we might see where feelings of guilt have resulted in squeezing out things we wanted to do. More positively, we might realize that several ideas can come together into a new single action.

It's all about making that solid decision, for this moment. A solid decision is a powerful foundation on which we can take action. I like the Abraham Lincoln quote. Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I'll spend the first four sharpening the ax. Making that decision is a sharpened ax. Working on the list in the moment is the act of sharpening it.  

"Winnie" and the Magic of a Fresh Idea

There's something magical to the freshness of an idea.

I had this old comic book by Berkeley Bretford, author of Bloom County and his, uh, lovely characters of Opus and Bill the Cat among others. I remember in the forward of one of these books, uh, he included sketches of his characters early, sort of just pencil sketches, and he said much the same as what I'm saying now, that there's something magical to those first sketches, and really, there was something cool about it, something ah, on fire something, a light, something electric. It's when the ideas are brightest. I think that's part of why we often like to dive into something when the muse strikes.

We're not holding onto the words or figures or symbols or images to help us figure out what it is we're talking about.

We have some thing in mind, some feeling already there and some inchoate state. Something that we're trying to put into words and paper and whatever. As an audience, we can more directly feel the origin of those waves when we see those thoughts and the like just crashing onto the paper, as undeveloped as they are.

This piece of music is early in its creation. There are things I'd change and adjust and move this there and make this louder or softer or whatever, but I know that if I did that, whether by practice or through adjustments on the editor, I know the piece would lose something of that magic. So I don't. The piece is called Winnie, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

In this episode, we delve into the roots of procrastination with Dr. Fuschia Sirois, a professor of social and health psychology at Durham University, who has over 25 years of research experience in procrastination and its relationship to emotions. The discussion covers how self-compassion can play a critical role in managing procrastination, the impact of societal norms on our productivity, and the importance of addressing emotional responses to improve motivation and reduce procrastination. Dr. Sirois introduces her TEMPO toolkit, designed to help individuals manage procrastination by addressing the emotional causes behind it, providing practical strategies and exercises for better emotional regulation. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone looking to understand and overcome procrastination through a compassionate and emotionally intelligent approach.

00:00 Introduction: The Mystery of Avoidance

01:45 Special Guest Introduction: Dr. Fuschia Sirois

02:02 The Procrastination Conference Connection

02:36 Understanding Self-Compassion

03:51 The Role of Responsibility in Self-Compassion

08:46 Cultural Norms and Self-Criticism

16:46 Global Perspectives on Self-Compassion

27:25 Procrastination and Social Norms Research

28:39 Generational Differences in Procrastination

29:14 Self-Perception and Social Norms

30:07 Financial Procrastination and Its Impact

32:26 Introducing TEMPO: A New Tool for Managing Procrastination

33:35 Understanding and Addressing Emotional Roots of Procrastination

39:59 The Role of Perfectionism and Creativity

49:39 Planning, Risk, and Self-Compassion

52:02 Defensive Pessimism and Contingency Planning

54:41 Conclusion and Resources

Tags

Procrastination, Self-Compassion, Emotional Intelligence, Productivity, Mental Health, Overcoming Perfectionism, Personal Development, Behavioral Psychology, Mindfulness, TEMPO Toolkit

https://fuschiasirois.com/

https://durhamuniversity.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eJzXFb6SBwNPI46

https://www.youtube.com/@fuschiasirois601

 Introduction: The Mystery of Avoidance 

What is it that makes us avoid the thing to do? Is it the fault of social media? Are we inherently lazy? Is there just something wrong with me? Well, what if I were nice to myself? Would that do something, and how could I even do that in some way that I felt genuine? Would that do anything?

 Special Guest Introduction: Dr. Fuschia Sirois

Dear listeners, I've got another special treat for you today. We're joined today by my special guest, Dr. Fuschia Sirois. Fuchsia's, a professor in social and health psychology at Durham University, with over 25 years of research in procrastination and its relationship to emotions.

We'd connected actually at the procrastination conference in Utrecht, Netherlands, in the summer of 2025.

A lovely city, by the way.

 Understanding Self-Compassion

At the end of one of the lectures, sitting in the audience, she had made this comment about self-compassion, and that self-compassion shows up in recognizing responsibility, taking it on, and maybe the pain that can come with that. That's where self-compassion really starts to shine. I thought, I get it. This makes sense.

So later on that day, I approached her, had a conversation with her, and she really had this way of, um. Recognizing the importance of emotion, not just in procrastination, which is her field of research, but really in who we are.

Again, it really resonated, and I said to myself, I've gotta have her on the show. So here we are. We had this wonderful conversation spanning from individual to societal, from the creative task to the concrete task, and much more. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Here it is.

Today, we've got, uh, uh, Fuchsia Sirois on the podcast today. Am I pronouncing your name correctly, by the way?

Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah.

Oh, wonderful. Fuschia, Fuschia I met in, um, uh, at the, the procrastination conference in just, we had recently in 2025 and in summer, and we may have met even earlier that Did you go to the procrastination conference that was in Chicago? I can't remember if you.

No, I didn't get to that one. Unfortunately. I was sort of not. I really wanted to go, but I think I was in the middle of moving or something, and I wasn't able to come.

 The Role of Responsibility in Self-Compassion

Ah, okay. Very good. So this was our first time meeting then. Fuscia is a, uh, a, a social health, um, psychologist at, uh, Durham University. Um, and, uh, professor there. And, um, what got me going was I, with, with fuchsia, I think, uh, we were sitting at, in a lecture and, uh, at the procrastination conference, and you had said something that just kind of struck me, which was about the relationship between self-compassion and recognizing your own responsibility. Do, do you remember something about this?

I think it, it was maybe, if I'm remembering the correct instance, I think it was around the idea that, um, with self-compassion, really doesn't kick in. It doesn't actually, it's. It's not activated until people are struggling with something, until they're realizing, you know, coming face to face with their own personal shortcomings or flaws or difficulties, you know?

Um, it's not like you walk around going, Oh, I'm being self-compassionate. Like that's just. You can be self-loving and self-kind, but self-compassion is kind of a bigger package, and it is a response to difficult, challenging, stressful situations. So, as a response, there has to be something to trigger it. Um, yeah

I love that way of looking at it. Yeah. And that's, that's where, uh, yeah, that's totally what it was. And, I think it was in the context of that, recognizing personal responsibility, recognizing like your own sense of, oh, I'm, I'm there, there's something about this I gotta take on, some charge I gotta take on, and how difficult that might be.

And that's where a good component of that self-compassion kicks in.

Right. Yeah. I see what you mean by responsibility because yeah, if something. Where there's, you know, so easy when we make a mistake to kind of be in denial, right? Or to kind of go, yeah, that's not on me. That's because of other circumstances and all that. Um, but yeah, once you take responsibility for it, you're right.

And kind of go, right, I screwed up. Right? Or I could have done this differently.

Yeah.

Um, that would've, would've led to maybe less difficult circumstances for myself and others. So once you're right, when that responsive part of that is responsibility, sometimes not always responsibility, but that is one way of looking at it, the acknowledgement of that responsibility is, is difficult.

And that can be a good opportunity then to sort of practice self-compassion instead of, you know, often people do the other way, which is, oh, what's the matter with me? I'm, I messed everything up. And, you know, going to the extreme of responsibility, which, you know, psychologically, um, to me is like blame, right?

Like it's, it's taking, it's going too far with it to a point where you're just sort of wallowing in those self-critical thoughts, uh, for the sake of doing that. But it's actually not very productive in terms of changing behavior or coming to new realizations about oneself.

absolutely. No. That part of you that can really, um. Seems to think that we can fix things, get better about things through, uh, through whipping ourselves in some way, shape, or form. You know, like if we just whipped ourselves hard enough, maybe we'll fix it, you know? And doesn't seem to work.

No, no. It backfires, and, and, and you know, it might work for a very small percentage of the population, I would suggest. I think for many it backfires and there's also a significant. Proportion of the population for which it actually does quite, it's quite harmful. It backfires and, and, and sort of can, um, get you into a further downward spiral or

Absolutely. And, the other thing that you bring up here, and this is all in context of, um. Procrastination, but I think it even grows broader than that. You know, it's like, it's really about, um, uh, you know, in the context, one of the things I appreciate is this, how you relate procrastination and that relationship with oneself.

You know, that, that, um, that self-compassion idea that, um, that something you're, you're hinting at, there is that habitual aspect of beating yourself up. That, that like. You really need to, uh, there's a practice in catching yourself in doing that, and then trying to figure out, okay, now what? Now what do I do so that I'm not doing this?

You know, because it's easy to beat yourself up for beating yourself up, if that makes sense, you know, or

Yeah. Exactly, so that meta level of self-criticism.

Yeah. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on that? How do you, how, how does one, I don't know if habit is the right word, but it's something along that automatic level. Where does, where does that come in? How do you start to introduce the idea of, I don't need to be automatic in this, and what can I do differently?

Does that make sense?

You mean in terms of sort of your response to difficulties.

Yeah. Yeah.

 Cultural Norms and Self-Criticism

I mean, it's a great...]]>Exploring Procrastination, Self-Compassion, and Emotional Management with Dr. Fuschia Sirois

In this episode, we delve into the roots of procrastination with Dr. Fuschia Sirois, a professor of social and health psychology at Durham University, who has over 25 years of research experience in procrastination and its relationship to emotions. The discussion covers how self-compassion can play a critical role in managing procrastination, the impact of societal norms on our productivity, and the importance of addressing emotional responses to improve motivation and reduce procrastination. Dr. Sirois introduces her TEMPO toolkit, designed to help individuals manage procrastination by addressing the emotional causes behind it, providing practical strategies and exercises for better emotional regulation. This episode offers valuable insights for anyone looking to understand and overcome procrastination through a compassionate and emotionally intelligent approach.

00:00 Introduction: The Mystery of Avoidance

01:45 Special Guest Introduction: Dr. Fuschia Sirois

02:02 The Procrastination Conference Connection

02:36 Understanding Self-Compassion

03:51 The Role of Responsibility in Self-Compassion

08:46 Cultural Norms and Self-Criticism

16:46 Global Perspectives on Self-Compassion

27:25 Procrastination and Social Norms Research

28:39 Generational Differences in Procrastination

29:14 Self-Perception and Social Norms

30:07 Financial Procrastination and Its Impact

32:26 Introducing TEMPO: A New Tool for Managing Procrastination

33:35 Understanding and Addressing Emotional Roots of Procrastination

39:59 The Role of Perfectionism and Creativity

49:39 Planning, Risk, and Self-Compassion

52:02 Defensive Pessimism and Contingency Planning

54:41 Conclusion and Resources

Tags

Procrastination, Self-Compassion, Emotional Intelligence, Productivity, Mental Health, Overcoming Perfectionism, Personal Development, Behavioral Psychology, Mindfulness, TEMPO Toolkit

https://fuschiasirois.com/

https://durhamuniversity.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eJzXFb6SBwNPI46

https://www.youtube.com/@fuschiasirois601

 Introduction: The Mystery of Avoidance 

What is it that makes us avoid the thing to do? Is it the fault of social media? Are we inherently lazy? Is there just something wrong with me? Well, what if I were nice to myself? Would that do something, and how could I even do that in some way that I felt genuine? Would that do anything?

 Special Guest Introduction: Dr. Fuschia Sirois

Dear listeners, I've got another special treat for you today. We're joined today by my special guest, Dr. Fuschia Sirois. Fuchsia's, a professor in social and health psychology at Durham University, with over 25 years of research in procrastination and its relationship to emotions.

We'd connected actually at the procrastination conference in Utrecht, Netherlands, in the summer of 2025.

A lovely city, by the way.

 Understanding Self-Compassion

At the end of one of the lectures, sitting in the audience, she had made this comment about self-compassion, and that self-compassion shows up in recognizing responsibility, taking it on, and maybe the pain that can come with that. That's where self-compassion really starts to shine. I thought, I get it. This makes sense.

So later on that day, I approached her, had a conversation with her, and she really had this way of, um. Recognizing the importance of emotion, not just in procrastination, which is her field of research, but really in who we are.

Again, it really resonated, and I said to myself, I've gotta have her on the show. So here we are. We had this wonderful conversation spanning from individual to societal, from the creative task to the concrete task, and much more. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Here it is.

Today, we've got, uh, uh, Fuchsia Sirois on the podcast today. Am I pronouncing your name correctly, by the way?

Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah.

Oh, wonderful. Fuschia, Fuschia I met in, um, uh, at the, the procrastination conference in just, we had recently in 2025 and in summer, and we may have met even earlier that Did you go to the procrastination conference that was in Chicago? I can't remember if you.

No, I didn't get to that one. Unfortunately. I was sort of not. I really wanted to go, but I think I was in the middle of moving or something, and I wasn't able to come.

 The Role of Responsibility in Self-Compassion

Ah, okay. Very good. So this was our first time meeting then. Fuscia is a, uh, a, a social health, um, psychologist at, uh, Durham University. Um, and, uh, professor there. And, um, what got me going was I, with, with fuchsia, I think, uh, we were sitting at, in a lecture and, uh, at the procrastination conference, and you had said something that just kind of struck me, which was about the relationship between self-compassion and recognizing your own responsibility. Do, do you remember something about this?

I think it, it was maybe, if I'm remembering the correct instance, I think it was around the idea that, um, with self-compassion, really doesn't kick in. It doesn't actually, it's. It's not activated until people are struggling with something, until they're realizing, you know, coming face to face with their own personal shortcomings or flaws or difficulties, you know?

Um, it's not like you walk around going, Oh, I'm being self-compassionate. Like that's just. You can be self-loving and self-kind, but self-compassion is kind of a bigger package, and it is a response to difficult, challenging, stressful situations. So, as a response, there has to be something to trigger it. Um, yeah

I love that way of looking at it. Yeah. And that's, that's where, uh, yeah, that's totally what it was. And, I think it was in the context of that, recognizing personal responsibility, recognizing like your own sense of, oh, I'm, I'm there, there's something about this I gotta take on, some charge I gotta take on, and how difficult that might be.

And that's where a good component of that self-compassion kicks in.

Right. Yeah. I see what you mean by responsibility because yeah, if something. Where there's, you know, so easy when we make a mistake to kind of be in denial, right? Or to kind of go, yeah, that's not on me. That's because of other circumstances and all that. Um, but yeah, once you take responsibility for it, you're right.

And kind of go, right, I screwed up. Right? Or I could have done this differently.

Yeah.

Um, that would've, would've led to maybe less difficult circumstances for myself and others. So once you're right, when that responsive part of that is responsibility, sometimes not always responsibility, but that is one way of looking at it, the acknowledgement of that responsibility is, is difficult.

And that can be a good opportunity then to sort of practice self-compassion instead of, you know, often people do the other way, which is, oh, what's the matter with me? I'm, I messed everything up. And, you know, going to the extreme of responsibility, which, you know, psychologically, um, to me is like blame, right?

Like it's, it's taking, it's going too far with it to a point where you're just sort of wallowing in those self-critical thoughts, uh, for the sake of doing that. But it's actually not very productive in terms of changing behavior or coming to new realizations about oneself.

absolutely. No. That part of you that can really, um. Seems to think that we can fix things, get better about things through, uh, through whipping ourselves in some way, shape, or form. You know, like if we just whipped ourselves hard enough, maybe we'll fix it, you know? And doesn't seem to work.

No, no. It backfires, and, and, and you know, it might work for a very small percentage of the population, I would suggest. I think for many it backfires and there's also a significant. Proportion of the population for which it actually does quite, it's quite harmful. It backfires and, and, and sort of can, um, get you into a further downward spiral or

Absolutely. And, the other thing that you bring up here, and this is all in context of, um. Procrastination, but I think it even grows broader than that. You know, it's like, it's really about, um, uh, you know, in the context, one of the things I appreciate is this, how you relate procrastination and that relationship with oneself.

You know, that, that, um, that self-compassion idea that, um, that something you're, you're hinting at, there is that habitual aspect of beating yourself up. That, that like. You really need to, uh, there's a practice in catching yourself in doing that, and then trying to figure out, okay, now what? Now what do I do so that I'm not doing this?

You know, because it's easy to beat yourself up for beating yourself up, if that makes sense, you know, or

Yeah. Exactly, so that meta level of self-criticism.

Yeah. Yeah. So what are your thoughts on that? How do you, how, how does one, I don't know if habit is the right word, but it's something along that automatic level. Where does, where does that come in? How do you start to introduce the idea of, I don't need to be automatic in this, and what can I do differently?

Does that make sense?

You mean in terms of sort of your response to difficulties.

Yeah. Yeah.

 Cultural Norms and Self-Criticism

I mean, it's a great question. I think there's probably a number of different processes. I mean, one of the things, and I'm this sort of comes to mind for me because this is an area I'm really actively researching right now, is I think a lot of it is driven by those sort of unspoken and internalized social norms that we have. Right about, you know, what is good behavior, what is bad behavior? What makes us a good citizen or a good person, and what makes us not a good person? How will other people view our behavior or what we're doing? You know, we've always, you know, the sort of social cognitive perspectives. We're not operating in a vacuum, even with our own internal thoughts.

These are driven and shaped largely by society and the norms and the cultural factors around us that kind of are there and come into play when it's like. You know, help us judge, should I be doing this? Or shouldn't I be doing this? Is this a good thing or is this a bad thing? Um, how this will look to others is often a reference point that we might use to make that judgment about whether this is, is something good or bad, for example.

I mean, you know, not, you know, I mean there's obviously gray areas, not meaning to polarize it here, but I, I think that those internalized norms, especially around procrastination, you know, um, that those can kind of kick in right away and make us self-critical way, just sort of an immediate response as opposed to if we had, imagine.

You know, a utopian world where we had, um, strong cultural norms around being self-compassionate because we know the value of self-compassion and we know that being self-compassionate makes you more motivated, more productive, a happier person, a healthier person, you know, all these things. If we had this, you know, imaginary society where those were the norms.

Then that would be the automatic, I, I would say is that's where we would kick in. We would screw up on something 'cause we're human. And that's, you know, part of being self-compassionate, that common humanity component is recognizing that we're imperfect and we all make mistakes. But, you know, it's how we respond to those mistakes that makes a difference.

Right. Um, in terms of self-improvement, self-awareness, uh, you know, uh, reaching our goals, et cetera. So in that society. If you were to make a mistake, I would argue that your default would be right. Don't be so hard on yourself. You know, everybody else makes mistakes too, and I've gotta learn from this and go forward, but because we are, you know, living.

In, at least in Western society anyway, where those cultural norms are very much around productivity. Like all these books, like Uber Productivity, get more done in a day, add an extra hour to your day, be more productive. All these types of, you know, sort of drivers, uh, as to what makes for a good person, someone who's contributing to society.

Those are what get activated. Like procrastination has so much to do with productivity, right? We use. These labels, like laziness to describe people who are, um, procrastinators, but those are just, you know. Um, socially constructed, derogatory terms to shame people who are not being productive into being more productive, right?

So everything is in the context of those social norms. If we didn't have those social norms about being super productive, right? And, and you know, at least to that extreme, I, I don't think, you know, I'm not saying it's not good to be productive and reach your goals. We know, you know, the large literature out there about the link between reaching one's goals and, and, and wellbeing.

The extent to which it's really pushed to the limit there, so that it becomes the be-all and end-all of our existence, is to be productive. Um, I think that drives those social norms around feeling ashamed and feeling bad and being self-critical when we procrastinate. And that's where that default comes in when we make a mistake.

Interesting. So. You see it as the sort of like the, there, there's the social world that we live in. The sort of, uh, very, and I agree, there's this sense of, um, action as being, um, valued, uh, more so than, um, reflection more so than, uh, consideration more than, um, meaning, for example, reflection

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You know, there was, it makes me think of, um, uh, I'm blanking on it.

I, I did a, I did a bit on it. I forgot who had originally said it, but there was this theme that had kind of developed in, uh, in, not only in research, but in, in, in academic, but just in, in corporate and in the world in general. The sense that the only things that matter are things that can be measured and, um.

I think most of what matters cannot be measured. You know, I think most of what's meaningful, it really can't be. And, along those lines, this, you know, most of what can be this, this, I think false way of looking at it is I think exactly what you're talking about, this value on action. I can see action,

Yeah. Yeah, it's true.

And what you see somehow becomes more, more.

Valued externally to us and we lose what we can see internally. Um, so that sense of, um, self-awareness, you know, is, um, there's practice to it. You know, there's just still reflecting what you're saying. I, I, I think of two, uh, like two, two people. I quote. One is Bob Ross, the painter,

Yeah.

the happy accidents.

What a lovely phrase that is. You know, it's. It's still like, I, I still love that phrase. And um, and the other one is Miles Davis, who would say there, you know, don't worry about mistakes. There are none.

Mm.

But his, maybe even both, they're, they're describing a, a, a process of mastery. You know.

There are mistakes until you figure out how to make those mistakes, not mistakes.

And, and I think what, okay, I, I think I'm finally figuring out what I'm, where I'm going with this. Um. Which I think you're doing in, in some way is the question of how do we approach self-compassion in a way that's not like, I dunno, if you remember Saturday Night Live with Stuart Smalley, this character that was played by um, Al Franken, who would look in the mirror and he would say, um.

He, he would, it was like a joke about self-compassion. It was kind of, um, he would look in the mirror and say, uh, uh, I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. And then he would just, it.

It was like this. I guess the question is, how do we get ourselves to that genuine state of self-compassion?

How do we get ourselves practicing along that path and that skill? That's what I'm trying to get at.

yeah. No, I see what you're saying. Um, yeah, I mean, a lot of it. You know, so if we go to like, you know, um, Kristen Neff's website self-compassion dot org, right? Like, you know, one of the first things that she always says is you have to become aware of your internal script. So what's your internal script when you screw up something, when you make a mistake, or when you're unhappy with something in your behavior, or something doesn't go your way, right?

Um, what is that script? And most people aren't aware of that internal script.

Yeah.

Um, you know, it, it's, it's just there operating, right? Like a default, just an automatic drive. And so, you know, the first thing is to be aware of how you respond to difficulties, and you, 'cause you can't change anything until you can respond.

But I think, you know, like what you're saying about the things that we don't value, things that aren't as seen. Um, and maybe that's one of the reasons why we don't. Think about being self-compassionate. Um, but yeah, I, I mean, short of changing those value systems, but I think also some of these are, are, are linked to other work ethics, you know, the protestant work ethic and things like that.

 Global Perspectives on Self-Compassion

Like, it's just really like just go, go, go right and, and, and be hard on yourself. Um. You look to, um, and I can't remember if we, we had this conversation after the conference, but you know, there was a study that looked at, um, self-compassion levels across, uh, three different parts of the world. So they looked at self and they compared the mean values to see.

So as a nation, which was more self-compassionate, just 'cause it's gotta get a glimpse at maybe how different cultural values were, were, might be operating and shaping, uh, people's, uh. You know, default levels of self-compassion. So they looked at them in the us, um, in Thailand, and I believe it was Malaysia. Now, which country do you think would have the highest and which would have the lowest of self-compassion? Just taking a guess there.

I'm voting the lowest self-compassion with the us, but the highest, I can't guess. I, I, I, I would, uh, I don't know. But then again, I, I, these are generalities obviously, and I'm, I'm sure that there's someone in the US who's highly self-compassionate, and of course, ones who are not.

Yeah. These are, you know, these are nationwide main scores. I mean, there's always, you know, deviations within that. But as a looking at that level, it does tell you a little bit about the culture. So, um, no, the US wasn't the lowest.

It wasn't. Okay. All right. I even got the know a lot of people. wrong.

Yeah, a lot of people say that. So, actually, the highest scores were in Thailand.

Okay.

Because that is the seed of Buddhism

Ah,

Self-compassion as a concept is rooted in Buddhist philosophy.

Sure.

Right about kindness, you know, mindfulness and common humanity, right? And those are three strong principles. So you have a culture that's pretty much indoctrinated into that way of thinking. You know, there are other religions in, in Thailand, I've been there, and there's, there's certainly a, you know,...]]>69b33a9f-f016-45da-b397-0dcf78d5295cThu, 18 Sep 2025 14:00:00 -050055:56truefull12121120. A Delight in Craft - The Unconscious Mind Board GameEver felt your mind swept clean, like cobwebs brushed away, simply by admiring true craft? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, I invite you to explore how the art of meaningful work—whether in a beautifully designed board game, a shared conversation about football, or the deliberate crafting of music—can nourish even the most wandering minds. We’ll journey into “The Unconscious Mind” board game as a living metaphor for navigating the playful, intricate decisions woven through daily life.

You’ll discover:

• How appreciating and creating craft—and noticing its layers—can provide sustenance and grounding for adults with ADHD or restless focus
• Why “the confusion barrier” is a vital threshold in learning and creativity, not a flaw
• New ways to recognize meaning and resonance in everyday moments, from the symbols on a board to a fleeting improvisation

Plus, this episode features an original, never-to-be-repeated piano improvisation: “Morning Bird”—a gentle musical reminder that mastery and play grow together.

Subscribe and explore more at rhythmsoffocus.com—reclaim your focus, your rhythm, and your creative spark.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #BoardGames #Mastery #MeaningfulWork #Neurodivergent #PianoImprovisation #Resonance

Transcript

Clearing the Mental Cobwebs

A colleague once told me that when she'd look at a piece of art, she'd feel the cobwebs of her mind swept away. I find the same thing happens when I admire any real craft- a fine meal, an expert dancer's, effortless appearing feats, a well-made fountain pen, drifting across quality paper.

All of these we can feel. All carry that depth of play and care brought through time. This practice of bringing the spirits of mastery and meaningful work through some development into a bloom. Particularly for wandering mind, I find that mastery, meaningful work can be nourishing.

Football

  I was once at a party finding myself in a room entirely full of men. I only say that because you kinda get this feeling of the masculine energy in a room. They were all shouting periodically at a television screen, watching this football game.

Now I know the rules of the game. I have a sense as to what's going on, but it's never really turned me on. Last time I watched with any real interest was the Super Bowl, 20 Chicago Bears as the Super Bowl shuffle was playing on the radio near nonstop.

Other than that, when I encounter such environments, I generally slink into the corner, maybe look for some task to relieve me like getting a snack or maybe tidying the place up. But if neither of those are available, I wait for the pain of boredom to subside into some world of daydream or solving puzzles that come to mind, or something like that.

On this particular occasion, though, things were cleared, dishes were done. I was tired of the gummy beers sitting there, which says a lot.

For whatever reason, between those synchronized shouts, I turned to the gentleman beside me. I made deliberate eye contact, not an easy feat, and asked , what do you enjoy about this game?

And he paused as I knew he would. You know, it's not often I was aware for someone to ask such a pointed and odd question perhaps. I decided to search for craft. "What do you enjoy about this game?"

With a little more than a pause. Maybe sensing that sincerity, he began to talk about the battle on the field, the nuance of strategy, the importance of the individual players and their own histories. He thought about his own relationship with his family and his youth, and how they would share the game together.

His excitement was palpable. I enjoyed hearing him out. He'd even lose a couple of seconds in that synchronized shouting as he continued to explain certain moments, seeing that I was there with him. And I could follow and appreciate the beauty that he saw behind the strength on the field.

Now, I still don't watch the game. I have other interests. I have other things going on, but I appreciated the gift he offered.

It reminded me of someone's comment about relationships. If your partner's into basket weaving, you don't need to be into basket weaving, but you do need to be into the fact that they are into basket weaving.

Not a Paid Advertisement - The Unconscious Mind

And so just as he shared with me, I'd like to share something with you so long as you're up for it. Of course. Now this following bit is not a paid advertisement, but I do get into it.

I was on this trip overseas and I was at the Freud Museum. I found this board game called out to me.

It's called the Unconscious Mind. How could I resist?

What makes for a good game?

I do love a good board game, but what makes for a good board game?

They are these restrictions of reality. These playgrounds of the mind built with the Lego blocks of decision. The more meaningful the decisions, the deeper the consequences of thought, the more profound the gameplay itself.

Within games, We play with the structure of decision itself. Whether we're dealing with the emotions as they flow into us quickly like on the sports field, or we have a moment to sit and think like chess. We explore, push and pull through confusion and assertion. We gather our working memory to hold multiple possibilities, decide and then act.

And then if you're anything like me, you wonder why the heck did I just do that?

Looking at the box of this game, this Unconscious Mind, I wondered, is this another cash grab? Some light connection of theme to some poor gameplay. But no, I found craft.

After purchasing it, putting it in front of me. I look at it. I look at the art. The pieces are well portrayed. It's clear that the artists cared about their craft and how they would present the material beyond simply just covering of the pieces. They meant something.

A Representation of Dream

Part of the game is about curing patients. There are these cards that are dreams, but not just dreams themselves. They're latent and manifest dreams. These are real concepts in psychoanalysis, and they find a way into the gameplay itself. A manifest dream. That's the stuff that comes to mind when you're dreaming the latent is what you can meaningfully interpret from it.

Now this is a point of some contention within psychoanalysis. I, I think some people look at it and say, Hmm, what do dreams have to do with anything? You know, what does the interpretation have to do with anything? Are they right? And I'd point out that that question of. Are the interpretations right to be a wrong question in and of itself?

A better question is the same as with any interpretation I make in sessions with clients, which is, "does it resonate with you?" Does it connect to you? Do you feel something within you When we talk about whatever, when we look at whatever, and the same thing can be said about Dream.

One mentor of mine nicely described dreams like paintings. He said, you can return to them. Discover new ideas, new themes, new meanings. You might even create meanings in the act of interpretation. After all, psychoanalysis is much less about, "Hey, look at that thing I found in your head" so much as it is about learning to author your life going forward.

looking at these clients in the game, you work their way through those dreams, generating insights. There are different units of insights. There's three types and three levels. It's almost laughable how much detail there is. But what's truly funny is that it all makes sense within the scope of the game. There's actual connection between theme and mechanic.

You've generate enough of those insights in the right configuration, and you can remove this clear plastic layer that's over the card. It has the sort of Rorschach image to it that represents grief, and as you remove that, this neat mechanic, starts coming into place, which is not only does the client change, but now so have you, whether in the game mechanic of what happens with the ideas as they form or in the final scoring of the game.

Wincott another analyst from the, uh, sixties or so, he wants nicely wrote in his forward of one of his books that he thanked his clients for teaching him, and he's right. The moment you stop learning from your patients is the moment you stop being a good doctor.

The fact that this theme is woven so nicely into the gameplay tells me that designers have not only done their homework, but they've probably enjoyed the process of doing so. You know, without care play, I'm not sure there is any soul to a craft.

A Reflection in History

It goes further in the point of the game. You know how you win.

There's this representation of how you earn points, and that comes from the history of psychoanalysis. Freud would gather with his colleagues and friends to discuss psychoanalysis and where it was going and what it was about every Wednesday. He made rings for the crew. Kind of silly, uh, totally cringe, but totally relatable too.

And to win in the game, you gather points through influence, you gather in treating patients, doing research, writing papers, all in the interest of becoming this distinguished colleague of Freud's. Again, totally irritating and goal, but as also seemingly resonating. True and hilarious. I love it. The theme of the game runs even deeper.

A Notebook

In the center, you have this notebook. Every player gets this ink pot to use as a marker. This lovely little fidget, to boot, that represents what aspect of the notebook you're working with when connecting to your patient. And you build that notebook with ideas placed at various intervals, each having its own effect, and you can modify them with units of coffee.

My daughter pointed out, she...]]>Ever felt your mind swept clean, like cobwebs brushed away, simply by admiring true craft? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, I invite you to explore how the art of meaningful work—whether in a beautifully designed board game, a shared conversation about football, or the deliberate crafting of music—can nourish even the most wandering minds. We’ll journey into “The Unconscious Mind” board game as a living metaphor for navigating the playful, intricate decisions woven through daily life.

You’ll discover:

• How appreciating and creating craft—and noticing its layers—can provide sustenance and grounding for adults with ADHD or restless focus
• Why “the confusion barrier” is a vital threshold in learning and creativity, not a flaw
• New ways to recognize meaning and resonance in everyday moments, from the symbols on a board to a fleeting improvisation

Plus, this episode features an original, never-to-be-repeated piano improvisation: “Morning Bird”—a gentle musical reminder that mastery and play grow together.

Subscribe and explore more at rhythmsoffocus.com—reclaim your focus, your rhythm, and your creative spark.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #BoardGames #Mastery #MeaningfulWork #Neurodivergent #PianoImprovisation #Resonance

Transcript

Clearing the Mental Cobwebs

A colleague once told me that when she'd look at a piece of art, she'd feel the cobwebs of her mind swept away. I find the same thing happens when I admire any real craft- a fine meal, an expert dancer's, effortless appearing feats, a well-made fountain pen, drifting across quality paper.

All of these we can feel. All carry that depth of play and care brought through time. This practice of bringing the spirits of mastery and meaningful work through some development into a bloom. Particularly for wandering mind, I find that mastery, meaningful work can be nourishing.

Football

  I was once at a party finding myself in a room entirely full of men. I only say that because you kinda get this feeling of the masculine energy in a room. They were all shouting periodically at a television screen, watching this football game.

Now I know the rules of the game. I have a sense as to what's going on, but it's never really turned me on. Last time I watched with any real interest was the Super Bowl, 20 Chicago Bears as the Super Bowl shuffle was playing on the radio near nonstop.

Other than that, when I encounter such environments, I generally slink into the corner, maybe look for some task to relieve me like getting a snack or maybe tidying the place up. But if neither of those are available, I wait for the pain of boredom to subside into some world of daydream or solving puzzles that come to mind, or something like that.

On this particular occasion, though, things were cleared, dishes were done. I was tired of the gummy beers sitting there, which says a lot.

For whatever reason, between those synchronized shouts, I turned to the gentleman beside me. I made deliberate eye contact, not an easy feat, and asked , what do you enjoy about this game?

And he paused as I knew he would. You know, it's not often I was aware for someone to ask such a pointed and odd question perhaps. I decided to search for craft. "What do you enjoy about this game?"

With a little more than a pause. Maybe sensing that sincerity, he began to talk about the battle on the field, the nuance of strategy, the importance of the individual players and their own histories. He thought about his own relationship with his family and his youth, and how they would share the game together.

His excitement was palpable. I enjoyed hearing him out. He'd even lose a couple of seconds in that synchronized shouting as he continued to explain certain moments, seeing that I was there with him. And I could follow and appreciate the beauty that he saw behind the strength on the field.

Now, I still don't watch the game. I have other interests. I have other things going on, but I appreciated the gift he offered.

It reminded me of someone's comment about relationships. If your partner's into basket weaving, you don't need to be into basket weaving, but you do need to be into the fact that they are into basket weaving.

Not a Paid Advertisement - The Unconscious Mind

And so just as he shared with me, I'd like to share something with you so long as you're up for it. Of course. Now this following bit is not a paid advertisement, but I do get into it.

I was on this trip overseas and I was at the Freud Museum. I found this board game called out to me.

It's called the Unconscious Mind. How could I resist?

What makes for a good game?

I do love a good board game, but what makes for a good board game?

They are these restrictions of reality. These playgrounds of the mind built with the Lego blocks of decision. The more meaningful the decisions, the deeper the consequences of thought, the more profound the gameplay itself.

Within games, We play with the structure of decision itself. Whether we're dealing with the emotions as they flow into us quickly like on the sports field, or we have a moment to sit and think like chess. We explore, push and pull through confusion and assertion. We gather our working memory to hold multiple possibilities, decide and then act.

And then if you're anything like me, you wonder why the heck did I just do that?

Looking at the box of this game, this Unconscious Mind, I wondered, is this another cash grab? Some light connection of theme to some poor gameplay. But no, I found craft.

After purchasing it, putting it in front of me. I look at it. I look at the art. The pieces are well portrayed. It's clear that the artists cared about their craft and how they would present the material beyond simply just covering of the pieces. They meant something.

A Representation of Dream

Part of the game is about curing patients. There are these cards that are dreams, but not just dreams themselves. They're latent and manifest dreams. These are real concepts in psychoanalysis, and they find a way into the gameplay itself. A manifest dream. That's the stuff that comes to mind when you're dreaming the latent is what you can meaningfully interpret from it.

Now this is a point of some contention within psychoanalysis. I, I think some people look at it and say, Hmm, what do dreams have to do with anything? You know, what does the interpretation have to do with anything? Are they right? And I'd point out that that question of. Are the interpretations right to be a wrong question in and of itself?

A better question is the same as with any interpretation I make in sessions with clients, which is, "does it resonate with you?" Does it connect to you? Do you feel something within you When we talk about whatever, when we look at whatever, and the same thing can be said about Dream.

One mentor of mine nicely described dreams like paintings. He said, you can return to them. Discover new ideas, new themes, new meanings. You might even create meanings in the act of interpretation. After all, psychoanalysis is much less about, "Hey, look at that thing I found in your head" so much as it is about learning to author your life going forward.

looking at these clients in the game, you work their way through those dreams, generating insights. There are different units of insights. There's three types and three levels. It's almost laughable how much detail there is. But what's truly funny is that it all makes sense within the scope of the game. There's actual connection between theme and mechanic.

You've generate enough of those insights in the right configuration, and you can remove this clear plastic layer that's over the card. It has the sort of Rorschach image to it that represents grief, and as you remove that, this neat mechanic, starts coming into place, which is not only does the client change, but now so have you, whether in the game mechanic of what happens with the ideas as they form or in the final scoring of the game.

Wincott another analyst from the, uh, sixties or so, he wants nicely wrote in his forward of one of his books that he thanked his clients for teaching him, and he's right. The moment you stop learning from your patients is the moment you stop being a good doctor.

The fact that this theme is woven so nicely into the gameplay tells me that designers have not only done their homework, but they've probably enjoyed the process of doing so. You know, without care play, I'm not sure there is any soul to a craft.

A Reflection in History

It goes further in the point of the game. You know how you win.

There's this representation of how you earn points, and that comes from the history of psychoanalysis. Freud would gather with his colleagues and friends to discuss psychoanalysis and where it was going and what it was about every Wednesday. He made rings for the crew. Kind of silly, uh, totally cringe, but totally relatable too.

And to win in the game, you gather points through influence, you gather in treating patients, doing research, writing papers, all in the interest of becoming this distinguished colleague of Freud's. Again, totally irritating and goal, but as also seemingly resonating. True and hilarious. I love it. The theme of the game runs even deeper.

A Notebook

In the center, you have this notebook. Every player gets this ink pot to use as a marker. This lovely little fidget, to boot, that represents what aspect of the notebook you're working with when connecting to your patient. And you build that notebook with ideas placed at various intervals, each having its own effect, and you can modify them with units of coffee.

My daughter pointed out, she wondered if the coffee was really a proxy for cocaine. Freud himself had a stint of using it for a period of time. And before you go, uh, slighting Freud for this, it's, uh, useful to know that Coca-Cola had used coca leaves in its drink somewhere through the early 19 hundreds.

Power in Symbols

Beyond the art the symbols used have meaning. Every shade, every shape where things are placed all have meaning, quite endearing to the game's material itself. I mean,

symbols are powerful. These are objects that hold a message that touch off this emotional burst within us. Whether it's a small one that directs us to go here or there or really create something that changes the nature of what's going on in our consciousness in the moment.

The Confusion Barrier

You might wonder, this all seems a bit complicated, doesn't it? Well, yes. Yes it does. It's not the heaviest game in the world, but I imagine it would be a tough place to start for the hobby.

Complication for complication's sake is often garbage, this headache in a box. But when complexity is born of simplicity, when we see the tendrils of growth from some singular seed gathering and living in some harmony, well that's something else entirely, and that's how I see this game.

Every game, every craft for that matter, has what I would like to call a confusion barrier. When we're first learning it, when we first listen to a piece of music or a new genre, for example, there's this period of getting lost.

Within a game it might look like, what does this have to do with that? What's that thing? What am I supposed to know already? Did I already read about this?

I wind up having to flip between pages, look things up online. For goodness sake, I didn't realize that there were these four pages of symbol interpretations included as a guide in the box.

Once I found that, wow, okay, now I know what I'm doing, sort of. But even through it all, I felt like I could follow and hit those moments of frustration and then follow them into the next window of challenge and get through my first game.

The work as a whole from instruction through art, through mechanics, it's clearly that of a passion. The creators had to live within the characters, the ideas, and connect deeply.

The Vital Importance of Craft, Passion - Mastery and Meaningful Work

I am not trying to sell the game. As I mentioned, though, I do realize I'm giving it praise.

What I am trying to do is talk about the importance of craft and how I think of it as this artifact of passion and mastery and meaningful work. It is far too easy to look at what one client of mine described as the CHINUP emotions- challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and passion, as described by Dr. William Dodson, and then focus too much on one of these interest, for example.

Here we might skip past passion. Admiring craft, participating, creating over time- these are healthy nutrients for a wandering mind, that mastery and meaningful work. Certainly there's concern in overdoing it, fixating on one thing, well beyond even our own care, perhaps doing so as a way to defend against feelings of inability in other spheres of life.

But I think that in many cases, there are ways to practice balance much as we would with any diet.

Morning Bird

Now, on the flip side of consuming and appreciating craft is creating it. There's just something grounding to connecting with that play and care within, making craft, connecting to things that we hold deeply.

There's that measure again of does this resonate? When it does, we can go from that simple something to find a complexity that really becomes admirable.

The following piece of music is a simple piece, but I hope it generates that sense of complexity from it. It's a single improvisation never to be played the same way again. In fact, I'm not sure I'll ever play it again at all.

It's called Morning Bird, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Discover:

• Why passion is more than a flash of excitement—it’s the steady, nurturing rhythm beneath mastery and meaningful work.
• The powerful role confusion plays in creative growth (and why learning to “hold” it can lead to breakthrough insights).
• How daily rhythms of engagement—not rigid productivity hacks—can transform decision overload into meaningful flow.

Takeaways:

• Learn strategies for befriending confusion, using it as a stepping stone rather than an obstacle.
• Practice the “daily visit” approach to creative work, supporting your mind’s natural curiosity and growth.
• Recognize moments when play turns into overload, and discover gentle ways to restore clarity and self-compassion.

Plus, this episode features an original piano composition—“Flagrant Air Biscuit”—capping off our exploration with musical playfulness.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more episodes, resources, and inspiration fostering mindful, agency-driven creativity.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Creativity #Confusion #MindfulProductivity #PlayfulFocus #MasteryJourney #MeaningfulWork #DailyRhythms #PianoComposition

Transcript

What about Passion?

Challenge, interests, novelty, urgency, passion. These are often considered five grounding ideas for a wandering mind as Dr. Dodson once mentioned.

But I find that passion is not often talked about. It's about mastery, meaningful work, craft skill, and exploration over time, when we feel that we are developing mastery and meaningful work in our lives, there's a sense of regular engagement, motion, this organizing foundation to our days. It helps bring the inner critic to a quieter place. The seas seem more settled.

On the other side of it too, what we create. I think there's a phrase for it, which is "good work". So how do we foster good work?

On Writing a Good Book

A listener recently wrote to me about my writing process. He read my book, Taking Smart Notes with DEVONthink. He thought it was a good book. Several people have told me so. If I may be so bold, I think it's a good book, too.

So the question then is how do you write a good book? It's really the same question that goes into doing anything you try to do well.

My answer, which I gave to this listener and which I liked enough to save for this podcast, was that I dragged notes from DEVONthink, this file management and note management software into Scrivener, this software for writing, and then cut up those notes, rearrange them, look for commonalities between pieces, see if some structure starts to arise, and then realize it doesn't work or it's boring, or I've said the same thing multiple times.

I don't know where to cut. The order of parts is plain wrong, and so sometimes I scream, sometimes even internally. Then I go to sleep. Then the next morning, something new comes to mind. I write that material, realize I now have more to cut and edit, scream again, rearrange the stuff, try it all again, sometimes in that order.

At some point my internal compass says, dude, that's enough. So I slap a price tag on it, put it up for sale, and have a panic attack, and then you have a book. Sometimes it's a good book.

The short answer, however, is that I've learned how to handle confusion. I've learned how to hold confusion, and that is a vital skill for a wandering mind, particularly when you want to find mastery and meaningful work. Good work.

Creativity, Play, and the Wandering Mind

Wandering minds are often wonderful at creating things. They're the master Lego builders. They take apart the instructions and say, oh, let me see what I can build myself. They often have this incisive wit. They see things, others don't. They can have this powerful curiosity ready to mine new discoveries.

They are creative.

And what does creativity, other than this discovery of what you're making and the act of making it? We play and care nourishing this creative tendril into mastery and meaningful work.

Play is this essence of creativity, a connection and exploration between self and world. Cultivated well, it's this reactive, creative, laughing, sometimes timid, sometimes bold, appearing most often when conditions are favorable. But when it arrives, it fights for its existence and brings this needed vitality to genuinely engage our surroundings.

But play doesn't happen on its own. Often we struggle through confusion.

An Overabundance of Creativity

Wandering minds often have this overabundance of some emotion distorting the lens of consciousness, as I mentioned in episode 14. This distortion often creates the problems we have, and sometimes that emotion can be play itself.

Play can often appear when we feel safe from demands and from the like. Risks are somehow okay if not inspiring, meeting us in this window of challenge.

When we get interrupted though, by demands, by questions, by lack of clarity, we lose some of that sense of safety. We might not be able to trust our environment. We may not be able to trust ourselves to support the seeds of play.

We grow bored, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, all the things that threaten that playful self. The trouble that a wandering mind can encounter is that the play itself can interrupt us.

I am engaged in flow here, but what about that? What if I organize this better? What if I found this better tool, this app? What about this thought? This reminds me of that. Where do I start?

Juggle enough of these and exhaustion seeps in. Soon enough, we collapse on the couch where decisions can be made for us by one screen or another. The play itself created a decision overload, leaving us in confusion, unclear of the next direction.

Sitting in silent suffering, that pain of potential unrealized, we can't simply say, "well, I guess I won't be confused, how if I'm just not?" Or we might say, "I'm, I'm just gonna go that way."

But then we leave behind this important part of ourselves and the sense of emptiness follows in the wake. In order to find that play and care, we need to engage with a fuller sense of self. We need to bring that part of us with us. We must hold onto the confusion because it is a part of us. And it may even be a part of us that's trying to say something important.

Listening to Confusion

Confusion's an odd duck. Sometimes it appears subtly. We might easily allow it to pass by in conversation or in reading.

Sometimes we don't even realize we've been confused. The mind simply goes poof, such as when we get lost in conversation or when we're reading the same passage over and over.

Confusion can also be brash, heavy handed, completely dumbfounding us, unable to move forward.

Whether it's subtle or brash, the intensity of that confusion may not reflect the depth of importance behind it.

What appears to be some small inconsistency, it's really this crack belying, this massive gorge underneath. I may have stumbled into something deep, larger than my current understanding even allows to fully acknowledge.

On the other hand, what appeared to be a complete mess. Might only be a trick of the light. I push this one tiny piece and everything falls into place.

What Even is Confusion?

What is confusion? Well, I think we need to start with working memory. Working memory is the contents of consciousness. It's not just some number of things we can remember. When we hold multiple things in mind, we can't help but weave some meaning between them. And in so doing, we create the singular object with several parts.

It's not just holding seven plus or minus two items together, as some might say, it's about some singular item or some small number of items that are rhythmically bouncing in and out of conscious awareness. And when two things don't connect a cloud of probability forms, things can connect this way, things can connect that way or not at all.

And these considerations themselves are not entirely conscious. In fact, I would posit mostly not conscious.

And that new probability cloud, that feeling of confusion is now one more object for your mind to juggle.

For a wandering mind, our focus tends to rest in the smaller constricted, though magnified place. The sensation, the emotions grow large. Further, they take up a lot of space. Psychic RAM, effort, or whatever unit of description you want to use.

Painful as confusion can be, sometimes stimulating feelings of shame, irritation, and the like. These build on that sense of confusion and the scatter can grow. It's no wonder we might have that feeling of wanting to run away, find somewhere, anywhere that has us feeling productive, engaged, and meaningful in some other direction other than, oh my goodness, this one right here, right now, because I can't take it.

We might hope that some cloud of confusion would just take care of itself. Maybe the author will explain away whatever problem I'm having, if I can only make it there. But they also might not. In fact, by ignoring or pushing that sensation away, might even be losing an important point of discovery, engagement, something that would mean something to ourselves.

When we can rest our mind in that confusion, much like any emotion, we start to develop associations, the meaning behind it, the cracks in the confusion. The places where we realize, "wait, I know]]>Ever feel like your creativity is both a gift and a juggler’s challenge—especially when you’re navigating the winding paths of ADHD or a wandering mind? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we’ll explore how confusion is vital in creativity and how, by embracing it, you can uncover mastery, meaningful work, and joy along your journey.

Discover:

• Why passion is more than a flash of excitement—it’s the steady, nurturing rhythm beneath mastery and meaningful work.
• The powerful role confusion plays in creative growth (and why learning to “hold” it can lead to breakthrough insights).
• How daily rhythms of engagement—not rigid productivity hacks—can transform decision overload into meaningful flow.

Takeaways:

• Learn strategies for befriending confusion, using it as a stepping stone rather than an obstacle.
• Practice the “daily visit” approach to creative work, supporting your mind’s natural curiosity and growth.
• Recognize moments when play turns into overload, and discover gentle ways to restore clarity and self-compassion.

Plus, this episode features an original piano composition—“Flagrant Air Biscuit”—capping off our exploration with musical playfulness.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more episodes, resources, and inspiration fostering mindful, agency-driven creativity.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Creativity #Confusion #MindfulProductivity #PlayfulFocus #MasteryJourney #MeaningfulWork #DailyRhythms #PianoComposition

Transcript

What about Passion?

Challenge, interests, novelty, urgency, passion. These are often considered five grounding ideas for a wandering mind as Dr. Dodson once mentioned.

But I find that passion is not often talked about. It's about mastery, meaningful work, craft skill, and exploration over time, when we feel that we are developing mastery and meaningful work in our lives, there's a sense of regular engagement, motion, this organizing foundation to our days. It helps bring the inner critic to a quieter place. The seas seem more settled.

On the other side of it too, what we create. I think there's a phrase for it, which is "good work". So how do we foster good work?

On Writing a Good Book

A listener recently wrote to me about my writing process. He read my book, Taking Smart Notes with DEVONthink. He thought it was a good book. Several people have told me so. If I may be so bold, I think it's a good book, too.

So the question then is how do you write a good book? It's really the same question that goes into doing anything you try to do well.

My answer, which I gave to this listener and which I liked enough to save for this podcast, was that I dragged notes from DEVONthink, this file management and note management software into Scrivener, this software for writing, and then cut up those notes, rearrange them, look for commonalities between pieces, see if some structure starts to arise, and then realize it doesn't work or it's boring, or I've said the same thing multiple times.

I don't know where to cut. The order of parts is plain wrong, and so sometimes I scream, sometimes even internally. Then I go to sleep. Then the next morning, something new comes to mind. I write that material, realize I now have more to cut and edit, scream again, rearrange the stuff, try it all again, sometimes in that order.

At some point my internal compass says, dude, that's enough. So I slap a price tag on it, put it up for sale, and have a panic attack, and then you have a book. Sometimes it's a good book.

The short answer, however, is that I've learned how to handle confusion. I've learned how to hold confusion, and that is a vital skill for a wandering mind, particularly when you want to find mastery and meaningful work. Good work.

Creativity, Play, and the Wandering Mind

Wandering minds are often wonderful at creating things. They're the master Lego builders. They take apart the instructions and say, oh, let me see what I can build myself. They often have this incisive wit. They see things, others don't. They can have this powerful curiosity ready to mine new discoveries.

They are creative.

And what does creativity, other than this discovery of what you're making and the act of making it? We play and care nourishing this creative tendril into mastery and meaningful work.

Play is this essence of creativity, a connection and exploration between self and world. Cultivated well, it's this reactive, creative, laughing, sometimes timid, sometimes bold, appearing most often when conditions are favorable. But when it arrives, it fights for its existence and brings this needed vitality to genuinely engage our surroundings.

But play doesn't happen on its own. Often we struggle through confusion.

An Overabundance of Creativity

Wandering minds often have this overabundance of some emotion distorting the lens of consciousness, as I mentioned in episode 14. This distortion often creates the problems we have, and sometimes that emotion can be play itself.

Play can often appear when we feel safe from demands and from the like. Risks are somehow okay if not inspiring, meeting us in this window of challenge.

When we get interrupted though, by demands, by questions, by lack of clarity, we lose some of that sense of safety. We might not be able to trust our environment. We may not be able to trust ourselves to support the seeds of play.

We grow bored, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, all the things that threaten that playful self. The trouble that a wandering mind can encounter is that the play itself can interrupt us.

I am engaged in flow here, but what about that? What if I organize this better? What if I found this better tool, this app? What about this thought? This reminds me of that. Where do I start?

Juggle enough of these and exhaustion seeps in. Soon enough, we collapse on the couch where decisions can be made for us by one screen or another. The play itself created a decision overload, leaving us in confusion, unclear of the next direction.

Sitting in silent suffering, that pain of potential unrealized, we can't simply say, "well, I guess I won't be confused, how if I'm just not?" Or we might say, "I'm, I'm just gonna go that way."

But then we leave behind this important part of ourselves and the sense of emptiness follows in the wake. In order to find that play and care, we need to engage with a fuller sense of self. We need to bring that part of us with us. We must hold onto the confusion because it is a part of us. And it may even be a part of us that's trying to say something important.

Listening to Confusion

Confusion's an odd duck. Sometimes it appears subtly. We might easily allow it to pass by in conversation or in reading.

Sometimes we don't even realize we've been confused. The mind simply goes poof, such as when we get lost in conversation or when we're reading the same passage over and over.

Confusion can also be brash, heavy handed, completely dumbfounding us, unable to move forward.

Whether it's subtle or brash, the intensity of that confusion may not reflect the depth of importance behind it.

What appears to be some small inconsistency, it's really this crack belying, this massive gorge underneath. I may have stumbled into something deep, larger than my current understanding even allows to fully acknowledge.

On the other hand, what appeared to be a complete mess. Might only be a trick of the light. I push this one tiny piece and everything falls into place.

What Even is Confusion?

What is confusion? Well, I think we need to start with working memory. Working memory is the contents of consciousness. It's not just some number of things we can remember. When we hold multiple things in mind, we can't help but weave some meaning between them. And in so doing, we create the singular object with several parts.

It's not just holding seven plus or minus two items together, as some might say, it's about some singular item or some small number of items that are rhythmically bouncing in and out of conscious awareness. And when two things don't connect a cloud of probability forms, things can connect this way, things can connect that way or not at all.

And these considerations themselves are not entirely conscious. In fact, I would posit mostly not conscious.

And that new probability cloud, that feeling of confusion is now one more object for your mind to juggle.

For a wandering mind, our focus tends to rest in the smaller constricted, though magnified place. The sensation, the emotions grow large. Further, they take up a lot of space. Psychic RAM, effort, or whatever unit of description you want to use.

Painful as confusion can be, sometimes stimulating feelings of shame, irritation, and the like. These build on that sense of confusion and the scatter can grow. It's no wonder we might have that feeling of wanting to run away, find somewhere, anywhere that has us feeling productive, engaged, and meaningful in some other direction other than, oh my goodness, this one right here, right now, because I can't take it.

We might hope that some cloud of confusion would just take care of itself. Maybe the author will explain away whatever problem I'm having, if I can only make it there. But they also might not. In fact, by ignoring or pushing that sensation away, might even be losing an important point of discovery, engagement, something that would mean something to ourselves.

When we can rest our mind in that confusion, much like any emotion, we start to develop associations, the meaning behind it, the cracks in the confusion. The places where we realize, "wait, I know why this didn't make sense. I know why it does make sense." We discover meaning, and as we do, we become enlivened.

Sometimes even a new challenge forms that tickles us just right.

Our role then is to hold on to confusion where sometimes we can find that breakthrough into a new plateau.

Holding Confusion

So how do we hold confusion?

Well, the first thing I've already given you in episode four, which is a daily visit, a regular return. Creative work in particular, is powerfully supported by the daily visit.

It's where we can support our ability to feel that confusion, irritation, anger, delight among many other possibilities. The visit's about sitting there with those emotions. Not necessarily acting though sometimes too, if you'd like. Sometimes even as we sit, perhaps after we've done some work, we feel overwhelmed.

When we have a way to let go and return, and particularly at that primal daily cycle, it means that we can let it go for the time being and return the next day. We have a way to titrate that feeling. And then, having exposed ourselves to those emotions, we now have our unconscious mind working for us, puzzling things out.

Motivation. This sum of emotional fields, internal waves gathered in favor of some intention if confusion or other negative emotion is working against us. That motivation, that flow from the daily visit begins to gather the winds and waters such that we can meet confusion, if not embrace it and begin to tack through.

And then within the visit, when we catch ourselves confused, we can pause. We can be with that sensation. What does it feel like? Can we allow the time for that sensation to come to some settled place where it's contours are well felt, where no new information about that feeling comes to mind.

When warming up to a new book, there's that period of confusion -who's who, what's what? In allowing those thoughts to have their own time, often we read slowly at the beginning. In doing so, we form the foundations for future understanding. When we find ourselves sailing through a book, it's often because we've started somewhere slow. We took the time somewhere to understand what we knew and didn't know as well as we could in those early moments.

Confusion may not be dispelled as we sit with it, but we do gain this ability to start pointing at it and asking, what about this is confusing? Simply pointing has at least some power in deflecting the spell of confusion. It's tendency to say, "Hey, look over there instead."

What does this have to do with that?

Often confusion relates to two or more areas that seem to conflict or do not connect. As I mentioned earlier, there's that cloud of probability that forms between sometimes going beyond our working memory. But we can start to reign it in when we ask, "What does this have to do with that?" We look at the parts that don't connect and start asking how they relate. 

In that process, associations form. The object of thought starts to form. Parts of a conversation, parts of a passage, things start coming together.

Somewhere there was a break, and if you look at it consciously searching for and calling out that disconnect, whether you can connect them or not, reduces the fog, condenses it into the singular object, if not held within this question.

Questions themselves after all, whether answerable or not, have a wonderful way of encapsulating the choking cloud of confusion. And we can now better feel that probability cloud, maybe even starting to collapse it into certainty. When we hold the details, see where they come together, we can often create impressive new creations, thorough with new ideas, things we may even be proud of.

In Summary

Mastery and meaningful work are often a byproduct of a journey, perhaps even tangential to our original intentions. Just as we master walking by having places to go, we might master writing by having things to say. Conversely, just as we may find places to go when we master walking, we may find we have things to say as we learn to speak more clearly.

To find new paths of mastery and meaningful work, roots to our sense of being, we must consider and cultivate that development of our own play and care towards maturity, but we often need to sail through those seas of confusion. Staying with confusion, at least to the point that it can feel settled, is a cultivating practice sometimes even nourishing the sense of play and care in turn, that soul of mastery and meaningful work.

Really? That's the title?

There's something about the beginning stages of creation that are so vital, so vulnerable. Little ideas you didn't think would be all that big somehow stick They become a part of it. When I write music, especially when I've written a new piece, I let my mind drift here and there in search of a title. I just let myself be and see what comes to mind.

I try not to push it in any direction. I simply let it appear. And afterwards I reason with myself that, you know, if I don't like this name, I can change it later. But that seems to be almost as good an argument of how you'd name your kids somehow. You're not gonna change it later. It sticks. It's there.

In any case, the following piece is called Flagrant Air Biscuit. It's written in a flat major, and I hope you enjoy it.  

Draft

Passion - one of the five grounding ideas for a wandering mind - is not often talked about. It's about mastery and meaningful work, a craft, skill, an exploration over time.

When we sense we develop mastery and meaningful work in our lives, we have a sense of engagement, there's motion, there's organizing foundation to our days.

Another phrase for this is "good work."

But how do we foster good work?

_____Intro jingle____

Writing

A listener recently wrote to me asking about my writing process. He'd read my book Taking Smart Notes with DEVONthink. He thought it was a good book. In fact, several people have told me so. If I may be so bold, I think it's a good book, too.

The question is though, how do you write a good book? It's the same question really that goes with anything you try to do well.

I promise this has something to do with ADHD and wandering minds....

My answer, which I liked enough to save for this podcast was that I drag notes from DEVONthink into Scrivener, cut them up, rearrange them, looking for some commonalities between pieces, see if structure starts to arise, I then realize it doesn't work, or that it's boring, or that I've said the same thing multiple times and I don't know where to cut, the order of parts is plain wrong, and so I scream sometimes internally, perhaps go to sleep, the next morning, I realize something new, write that new material, realize that I now have more to cut and edit, rearrange the stuff, try it all again, sometimes in that order.

Keep doing that until some internal compass says, dude - enough. Slap a price tag on it, put it up for sale, have a panic attack. And you have a book. Sometimes, it's a good book.

But the short answer is that I've learned how to hold confusion.

And that it is a vital skill for a wandering mind...

Creative Wandering Minds

Wandering minds are often wonderful at creating things. They are the master lego-builders, taking apart what the instructions say, learning what they mean, and coming up with the new.

They often have an incisive-wit. They see things others don't. They can have a powerful curiosity ready to mine new discoveries.

They are creative.

What is creativity other than a discovery of what you are making in the act of making it?

We play and care nourishing creativity into mastery and meaningful work

Play Defined

So what's play then?

Play, this essence of creativity, is a connection and exploration between self and world. When cultivated well, play is reactive, creative, laughing, sometimes timid, and sometimes bold. It appears most often when conditions are favorable, but when it arrives, it fights for its existence and brings a needed vitality to genuinely engage our surroundings.

Play and the Wandering Mind

But, I didn't start this podcast with the idea of play. I started with confusion.

But wandering minds often have an overabundance of some emotion, distorting the lens of consciousness as I mentioned in episode 14.

Sometimes that can be play itself.

Unless it's defensive, Play often appears when we feel safe, from demands and the like. Risks are somehow ok, if not inspiring, meeting us in a window challenge.

When we get interrupted, by demands, by questions, but lack of clarity, we lose that sense of safety - we cannot trust our environment or ourselves to support the seeds of play. We either grow bored, overwhelmed, frustrated, anxious, all threatening that playful self.

One trouble with a wandering mind is even play itself can interrupt us.

I'm engaged in flow here - oh, what about that? What if I organized this better? What if I found this better tool, this better app? What do I with this thought. This reminds me of that?

Juggle enough of these and exhaustion can seep in. Soon, we collapse on the couch where decisions can be made for us by one screen or another. The play itself created a decision overload, leaving us in confusion, unclear of a next direction.

Sitting in silent suffering, the pain of potential unrealized, we cannot simply say, I guess I won't be confused.

We might say, "I'll just go that way." but we then leave behind an important part of ourselves, a sense of emptiness following in its wake.

In order to find that play and care, we need to engage with a fuller sense of self.

And so, we must hold...]]>ea2c77b3-823a-4661-8e35-4f01e78382f5Thu, 04 Sep 2025 14:00:00 -050021:10truefull11919118. Decision Overload and the Anchor TechniqueWe often focus on “information overload”, but we’re often more caught in decision overload.

Discover the deeper reasons behind that compulsive scrolling and indecisiveness, and learn how moments of mindful pause can help you reclaim your agency and bring relief to your wandering mind. Here’s what you’ll uncover:

• The hidden connection between decision-making, emotion, and the experience of overwhelm for ADHD and creative thinkers

• Why seeking relief, rather than just a dopamine hit, drives compulsive behaviors—and how to channel that toward agency

• A practical anchoring technique to hold options in mind and lighten decision fatigue, even in the busiest moments

Key Takeaways:

• Learn the anchor technique in brief

• Identify the emotional undercurrents behind your toughest choices, rather than blaming “willpower”

• Practice settling into silence after considering your options, building the clarity you need to move forward

And as always, enjoy an original piano composition, “Veranda,” inspired by the rhythms of thought and the calm that emerges when scattered moments coalesce.

For more mindful agency and creative flow, subscribe and join us at rhythmsoffocus.com.

Links

Resources & Links

• Podcast Home: Rhythms of Focus

• Waves of Focus Course: wavesoffocus.com

• Author: kouroshdini.com

• Anchor Technique on Youtube

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #decisionoverload #mindfulfocus #agency #creativity #anchoring #emotionalclarity #productivity #originalmusic

Transcript

 Information vs Decision Overload

We're not in a state of information overload. We're in a state of decision overload. What does that even mean?

Looking for Relief

 "Uh, I can't even get off TikTok or Instagram or any of these things."

We have so many things coming at us. We're looking at so many different ideas and jumping from one thing to the next, trying to figure out what's the next best thing?

Scrolling through our phones, we can wonder, okay, is it dopamine again? And as I've described elsewhere, we tend to use dopamine as this metaphor for those things we can't control, this button embedded somewhere in our brains connected to sex and food, hijacked by present day technologies.

But drifting off somewhere into these things that stimulate our minds- it's not new. The internet's just the most readily available latest thing. The ancient game of Go, this fantastic game that dates back thousands of years, once referred to "Go widows", the wives of husbands whose entire days were consumed by the game.

Look at a picture of people on a train from years ago, and you'll see most if not all of them, with their faces buried in newspapers. It's not just dopamine. If we stay with that word, we tend to lose meaning. We're not just looking for that quick hit.

We're also looking, I theorize here for relief.

What from? Relief from decision.

"Where do you wanna go for dinner? I don't know. Where do you want to go? Can't someone just decide?"

Decisions are heavy. It's nicely pointed out by author Charnas, in his book Work Clean, the word "decide" shares its origins with "homicide" and "suicide." The word means to cut. We examine a ball of options and then cut. The decisions quicken when we engage in some related action.

This is by no coincidence, quite related to how I define "agency," and you might wanna listen to episode nine for more on that.

But as we cut off options, we lose fantasies of what could have been. To decide well, we need to mourn the loss, taking the time that mourning takes, recognizing the pain, giving it the time it takes.

Many small decisions are barely even noticeable in terms of that mourning a moment or two, if that, for small matters. But there is some time involved.

Every time we make a decision, we walk into unknown and possibly risky territories. Whether we're deciding on dinner, considering what to watch next, or making some major life decision, we are weighing risk and loss.

Without either of these, risk or loss, we wouldn't have a decision. We would simply act without even knowing a decision were there. But if we look at it even more deeply, decision's not only about cutting. There are those who act impulsively, who seemingly make decisions, never look back. Maybe they're calloused against these feelings of sorrow and regret.

I would prefer my decisions to be well made.

Interestingly, while the origin of the word "decision" involves cutting, another important meaning evolves somewhere in the late 14th century, at least according to the internet:

Settling

In one sense, settlings about settling a dispute.

You have these two different things, people, ideas, battling out, and where do things settle? Does one side go this way? Does one side go that way? Is there a compromise? Is there some synergy?

We can take the word beyond that idea though, because it does involve even the battle of ideas within one's own mind. I see settling as this means to achieve a type of "silence" where we can acknowledge everything that can be acknowledged perhaps about a decision, at least for this moment.

You see behind options, behind words, behind the logic are the winds and waters of the mind. Emotion that which crests into and forms consciousness is emotion. Our sense of being that little boat that floats on the sea of emotions only forms in the moments of awareness and decision.

At least from one neuropsych analytic point of view, consciousness only exists for decision. And to decide, we wait, we pause, we sit with those thoughts, sensations, feelings, anything else that can come to mind about that experience, that decision, we allow it to come to mind.

We pause and wait.

And when we do, that information gradually becomes less and less new. It starts to still, it starts to repeat. Nothing new comes to mind about the situation, about that decision.

My goodness. That takes work. Not only does it take work, it takes courage. It takes bravery.

I mean, do we really want to face these feelings and these ideas that can come to mind? What if I'm thinking about the projects I'm not doing? What about the family I haven't called? What about that shameful thing I did or said last week, last month, 20 years ago that still haunts me? What if I think about death and mortality? What if I think about the people I'm letting down around me? What does any of this have to do with deciding on what to have for dinner?

Wouldn't it be a relief to not have to decide or at least have decisions that are lighter? Even better make the decisions trivial, artificial, chewing gum.

Clicking on the next thing to watch, nicely organized so it doesn't overwhelm my working memory. Hey, I saw that funny bit a little while ago. I'll click on that.

So I argue it's more than dopamine. It's relief.

For wandering minds, ADHD, the exhausted the brain fog, the creatives and the like. Were often consumed in the moment, magnified and constricted in the now. Our emotions are themselves magnified, often crowding out the others, if not leaving us with some confused conflation of multiple emotions as they throw out one thought sensation and more after the next.

To make a decision, let alone a settled decision, is that much harder.

It's no wonder that so many wandering minds fall into the social media, into the games, into more, where all the decisions are nicely laid out. We sense a relief from the heavier weights of decisions, those that mean something deeply.

The decision not only of the moment, but of the work to do of the things we're not doing and well beyond. Decisions are heavy. They are what create us. They take power to wield an exercise of free will itself. We delegate decisions to others, asking them to remind us about things, not only because our attention doesn't hold them, but because we reduce having to consider our options.

It's also no wonder that those with ADHD complaint of lacking quote, willpower end quote. But if we look at it from this perspective of trouble and decision and not in action, we have a new vantage.

We can support our ability to make a decision.

When we make a decision, we have multiple options that we then cut away.

We hold these options in mind before we cut them away. But the trouble for a wandering mind is that this work table is constricted. Many things can knock it off quite easily. Any emotion can make it such that we forget one thing or lose the other thing and act impulsively here before we forget. Say I've gotta do that thing before I lose it.

Using a very simple technique, we can support holding these options. I call it anchoring and essentially it's this: taking out a piece of paper, writing down our options, not tasks, but our options of what we'd like to do, only for that moment, for this moment of the Now. Doing this freeze, the mental energy that is used to hold the options and now is available to make the decision itself.

There's a lot more to it than that, but that is the essence of it. I do get into it in quite a lot of detail, a couple of hours worth in my course, Waves of Focus. I've also put a brief video about it on YouTube that I'll add to the show notes.

Even more deeply, though the essence is again about supporting that sense of...]]>We often focus on “information overload”, but we’re often more caught in decision overload.

Discover the deeper reasons behind that compulsive scrolling and indecisiveness, and learn how moments of mindful pause can help you reclaim your agency and bring relief to your wandering mind. Here’s what you’ll uncover:

• The hidden connection between decision-making, emotion, and the experience of overwhelm for ADHD and creative thinkers

• Why seeking relief, rather than just a dopamine hit, drives compulsive behaviors—and how to channel that toward agency

• A practical anchoring technique to hold options in mind and lighten decision fatigue, even in the busiest moments

Key Takeaways:

• Learn the anchor technique in brief

• Identify the emotional undercurrents behind your toughest choices, rather than blaming “willpower”

• Practice settling into silence after considering your options, building the clarity you need to move forward

And as always, enjoy an original piano composition, “Veranda,” inspired by the rhythms of thought and the calm that emerges when scattered moments coalesce.

For more mindful agency and creative flow, subscribe and join us at rhythmsoffocus.com.

Links

Resources & Links

• Podcast Home: Rhythms of Focus

• Waves of Focus Course: wavesoffocus.com

• Author: kouroshdini.com

• Anchor Technique on Youtube

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #decisionoverload #mindfulfocus #agency #creativity #anchoring #emotionalclarity #productivity #originalmusic

Transcript

 Information vs Decision Overload

We're not in a state of information overload. We're in a state of decision overload. What does that even mean?

Looking for Relief

 "Uh, I can't even get off TikTok or Instagram or any of these things."

We have so many things coming at us. We're looking at so many different ideas and jumping from one thing to the next, trying to figure out what's the next best thing?

Scrolling through our phones, we can wonder, okay, is it dopamine again? And as I've described elsewhere, we tend to use dopamine as this metaphor for those things we can't control, this button embedded somewhere in our brains connected to sex and food, hijacked by present day technologies.

But drifting off somewhere into these things that stimulate our minds- it's not new. The internet's just the most readily available latest thing. The ancient game of Go, this fantastic game that dates back thousands of years, once referred to "Go widows", the wives of husbands whose entire days were consumed by the game.

Look at a picture of people on a train from years ago, and you'll see most if not all of them, with their faces buried in newspapers. It's not just dopamine. If we stay with that word, we tend to lose meaning. We're not just looking for that quick hit.

We're also looking, I theorize here for relief.

What from? Relief from decision.

"Where do you wanna go for dinner? I don't know. Where do you want to go? Can't someone just decide?"

Decisions are heavy. It's nicely pointed out by author Charnas, in his book Work Clean, the word "decide" shares its origins with "homicide" and "suicide." The word means to cut. We examine a ball of options and then cut. The decisions quicken when we engage in some related action.

This is by no coincidence, quite related to how I define "agency," and you might wanna listen to episode nine for more on that.

But as we cut off options, we lose fantasies of what could have been. To decide well, we need to mourn the loss, taking the time that mourning takes, recognizing the pain, giving it the time it takes.

Many small decisions are barely even noticeable in terms of that mourning a moment or two, if that, for small matters. But there is some time involved.

Every time we make a decision, we walk into unknown and possibly risky territories. Whether we're deciding on dinner, considering what to watch next, or making some major life decision, we are weighing risk and loss.

Without either of these, risk or loss, we wouldn't have a decision. We would simply act without even knowing a decision were there. But if we look at it even more deeply, decision's not only about cutting. There are those who act impulsively, who seemingly make decisions, never look back. Maybe they're calloused against these feelings of sorrow and regret.

I would prefer my decisions to be well made.

Interestingly, while the origin of the word "decision" involves cutting, another important meaning evolves somewhere in the late 14th century, at least according to the internet:

Settling

In one sense, settlings about settling a dispute.

You have these two different things, people, ideas, battling out, and where do things settle? Does one side go this way? Does one side go that way? Is there a compromise? Is there some synergy?

We can take the word beyond that idea though, because it does involve even the battle of ideas within one's own mind. I see settling as this means to achieve a type of "silence" where we can acknowledge everything that can be acknowledged perhaps about a decision, at least for this moment.

You see behind options, behind words, behind the logic are the winds and waters of the mind. Emotion that which crests into and forms consciousness is emotion. Our sense of being that little boat that floats on the sea of emotions only forms in the moments of awareness and decision.

At least from one neuropsych analytic point of view, consciousness only exists for decision. And to decide, we wait, we pause, we sit with those thoughts, sensations, feelings, anything else that can come to mind about that experience, that decision, we allow it to come to mind.

We pause and wait.

And when we do, that information gradually becomes less and less new. It starts to still, it starts to repeat. Nothing new comes to mind about the situation, about that decision.

My goodness. That takes work. Not only does it take work, it takes courage. It takes bravery.

I mean, do we really want to face these feelings and these ideas that can come to mind? What if I'm thinking about the projects I'm not doing? What about the family I haven't called? What about that shameful thing I did or said last week, last month, 20 years ago that still haunts me? What if I think about death and mortality? What if I think about the people I'm letting down around me? What does any of this have to do with deciding on what to have for dinner?

Wouldn't it be a relief to not have to decide or at least have decisions that are lighter? Even better make the decisions trivial, artificial, chewing gum.

Clicking on the next thing to watch, nicely organized so it doesn't overwhelm my working memory. Hey, I saw that funny bit a little while ago. I'll click on that.

So I argue it's more than dopamine. It's relief.

For wandering minds, ADHD, the exhausted the brain fog, the creatives and the like. Were often consumed in the moment, magnified and constricted in the now. Our emotions are themselves magnified, often crowding out the others, if not leaving us with some confused conflation of multiple emotions as they throw out one thought sensation and more after the next.

To make a decision, let alone a settled decision, is that much harder.

It's no wonder that so many wandering minds fall into the social media, into the games, into more, where all the decisions are nicely laid out. We sense a relief from the heavier weights of decisions, those that mean something deeply.

The decision not only of the moment, but of the work to do of the things we're not doing and well beyond. Decisions are heavy. They are what create us. They take power to wield an exercise of free will itself. We delegate decisions to others, asking them to remind us about things, not only because our attention doesn't hold them, but because we reduce having to consider our options.

It's also no wonder that those with ADHD complaint of lacking quote, willpower end quote. But if we look at it from this perspective of trouble and decision and not in action, we have a new vantage.

We can support our ability to make a decision.

When we make a decision, we have multiple options that we then cut away.

We hold these options in mind before we cut them away. But the trouble for a wandering mind is that this work table is constricted. Many things can knock it off quite easily. Any emotion can make it such that we forget one thing or lose the other thing and act impulsively here before we forget. Say I've gotta do that thing before I lose it.

Using a very simple technique, we can support holding these options. I call it anchoring and essentially it's this: taking out a piece of paper, writing down our options, not tasks, but our options of what we'd like to do, only for that moment, for this moment of the Now. Doing this freeze, the mental energy that is used to hold the options and now is available to make the decision itself.

There's a lot more to it than that, but that is the essence of it. I do get into it in quite a lot of detail, a couple of hours worth in my course, Waves of Focus. I've also put a brief video about it on YouTube that I'll add to the show notes.

Even more deeply, though the essence is again about supporting that sense of decision. So here's the takeaway.

The next time you catch yourself, somewhere in TikTok Land or Instagram or Reddit or wherever it is that you find yourself "mindlessly" being, see if you can pause for a moment and ask yourself, is there a decision I'm not making? And even deeper than that, consider, what are the feelings? What are the images? What are the fantasies? What comes to mind around that decision?

Can you wait until those ideas come to some standstill, to some degree of silence, where you've acknowledged it? I'm willing to bet that if you can do that maybe once in a day, once in a week, whenever you do it, I can bet that whatever you do next, will have more conviction, will have less scatter.

"Veranda"

So much in music reflects the goings on the mind and in life. I like to sometimes start off a piece with something that feels like scatter and somewhere you realize that what you felt to be scattered isn't scatter. There's actually a structure to it. There's something behind it. It's in those moments that something coalesces, that the ideas come together and it's like,

"oh, that's where things are going."

It has me realize that it's, it's not about forcing myself to do a thing. It's like, oh, I'm not thinking well enough. I'm too scattered. I'm too overwhelmed. I'm too this, that, or the other. While those things can be the case, sometimes it's just that I haven't seen the order behind it yet.

Pausing, being with those feelings, those thoughts, those ideas helps me recognize where the lay of the land is, and then I'm in a better position to start moving forward.

This next piece of music called Veranda is brand new, just in the last month or two. I've created it  July of 2025. If you're listening to this in somewhere in the future, which of course you're listening to this in the future.

'cause I guess that's the way time works. Uh, um. In any case, it's in a minor key. I like minor keys. It starts in this sort of scattery, sort of like, what is going on here? And then you can start feeling where, where it comes together. Anyway, hope you enjoy it.   📍

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Join me as we explore the honest path to sustainable motivation for adults with ADHD and wandering minds. You’ll discover why “faking it” or relying on tricks often sabotages our systems and how deep, rooted confidence grows from repeated, intentional practice. Together, we’ll navigate:

- The hidden costs of tricks, hacks, and novelty-seeking in our personal systems

- How genuine trust in oneself—not force or self-deception—lays the groundwork for true confidence

- The transformative power of embracing gentle, manageable risks as part of everyday growth

Key Takeaways:

- Recognize why relying on hacks often erodes your sense of agency

- Practice building trust in yourself through small, consistent actions (“daily visits”)

- Embrace gentle risks as stepping stones to confidence and mastery

This episode features my original piano composition, “Running on the Sun”—a musical frame for the hopeful risks we take in growth.

If you find this episode resonates, subscribe and explore more resources at rhythmsoffocus.com.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #SelfTrust #DailyPractice #GentleRisk #Confidence #Neurodivergent #IntentionalLiving

Transcript

I just don't feel like it. If I only had a hack, if I had a trick, if I had something novel, a new, something different, that'll, something just gets me to start. Ah, once I start, I'm good.

The trouble with these approaches, it's not that they don't work, it's sometimes they do. Ultimately the seeds of the destruction of our systems are there, in the beginning of these sorts of approaches where we've just found some trick. We lead ourselves down some destructive path, something that will eventually fail.

Why does that happen? How does that happen? And then what does work?

What's wrong with tricks and hacks?

What's wrong with a trick or a hack? Why can't we just make these things happen so that we can start and make ourselves work. Well one trouble is that they often rely on some novelty of some sort, and novelty by definition will fall apart. And perhaps we argue so long as we can keep this roulette wheel of novel possibilities around, we'll be good.

Okay, look, if that works for you, wonderful. Please go right ahead and do it.

The trouble I have though is that I find that trying to trick my unconscious , that part of me that's deep, it doesn't work. It knows already that it's not going to work. Essentially, it goes into this conversation of,

"Well, if I somehow manage to trick myself into showing up, chances are I might even do something. And I don't wanna do something, and so I won't even try."

So the approach in this way would fall apart immediately.

But even in the case that we do succeed in tricking or forcing ourselves, the trouble is that we've effectively told ourselves that we cannot do things without tricks or force. In this way, tricks rot our systems.

Trust is Foundational

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and most importantly, with the relationship that we have with ourselves. Psychoanalyst Eric Erickson notes the first task of infant development is Trust versus Mistrust. We try to know what we can rely on, and that goes well beyond infancy into our everyday world.

Trust, as I'm defining it, is a developing belief that something will continue to behave as it has been, such that we can rely on it.

As I tend to do, I like to repeat my definitions and I know I've presented trust before, but I'm gonna do it again. Trust is a developing belief that something will continue to behave as it has been behaving, such that we can rely on it.

If we look at that idea of developing belief , it means that it's forming over time. That it's a belief, means that it's resting somewhere in our experience. It's a feeling that we can reflect on. It's not something we can wish into existence.

Confidence

This idea of trust is fundamental, and this relationship of trust with ourselves, that's where we get into the word confidence. Confidence is a trust in our skill or ability within ourselves. By definition, confidence cannot exist without that trust in ourselves. And for this reason, at the very least, I find the suggestion to "fake it till you make it," causes me to wretch not only with a disgusted sense of irresponsibility, but also with this admonition that we need to be dishonest with ourselves in order to grow.

Tricks Undermine Trust

When we engage a trick, we tell ourselves we do not trust ourselves. We do not believe that we can do a thing from our own sense of volition, undermining, and further injuring ourselves every time we use that trick. We collude in the decay of not only our systems, but our own sense of confidence.

Tricks cannot last because fundamentally for us to gain any real traction, to have a sense that what we're doing is meaningful, engage from some depth of self and agency, we need to be able to do so from a sense of honesty and trust with ourselves.

Hope vs Practice

The question becomes "how do we learn to trust ourselves to make a decision and then engage? How can we approach something, something we may not want to do, for example, in a way that feels genuine?"

We might have hope that we can develop that trust. We might hope for that ability and that confidence. Now, the answer, a pithy answer, but still the ultimate answer is practice.

Beyond hope, in order for us to have a chance at developing that trust in ourselves and our abilities, we can look again at trust's definition, that sense that something will continue to behave as it has been such that we can rely on it.

When we experience something, for example, that I can play the piano, that I can write a newsletter, that I can handle rejection, and more- sometimes that experience helps us develop that tendril of confidence.

So what if we then deliberately arrange ourselves, arrange our environments such that we can have those experiences?

And if we could do that regularly, well then that would build in time forming a genuine confidence, one that resonates deeply.

Taking on Risk

But there is no true hope without risk. Every real stretch beyond what we trust involves risk. In other words, risk is the leading edge of confidence of that trust in ourselves.

We don't have to be reckless. We can be calculated, but somewhere there is risk. When we go out on a trip somewhere, we haven't been, when we work up the courage to ask the boy or girl out, when we try reaching for that new ledge, it's through that challenge where we gain the experience. We risk falling on our faces.

And as we do something again and again, hopefully- it doesn't always happen- but hopefully we start to grow that trust in our own skills and our knowledge. Also known as confidence.

In this way, I think it makes it clear that that recommendation to "just be confident" rings hollow because it is hollow. It must be developed through time and repetition, the very foundations of practice.

If you're engaging in some daily visit, as I often recommend, this is the medium of practice. Something where you show up, stay for only the moments where you can genuinely say you are there, maybe just for a single deep breath- you start to develop that trust between the past you that said, Hey, I'm inviting you to make a visit, to that future self that was then, to the present you that is now, that's now making that visit.

In that visit now, and here's the takeaway, i'd say maybe can you take that next step and ask yourself, what's the gentle risk I can take here?

"Running on the Sun"

I find art, music, or otherwise to be a framing of an experience. We basically point at a thing using a frame and say, "Hey, look at this thing."

Often as I'm writing some piece of music, I'll wonder what does this resonate with? What? What is this frame? Of course it's something within me. It came from me, but hopefully it's something within you, too.

And for that to be the case, there has to be something universal to it. Something universal in its nature.

This piece that I'll play for you now is called "Running on the Sun." It's about the flares that I see in the pictures of the sun, somehow that just comes to mind. But running on the sun? That sounds kind of risky, doesn't it? I'm not sure I'll get much out of taking that risk either, but eh, whatever. In any case, it's written in E flat minor, and I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

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The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Could there be power to “doing nothing”?

In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we untangle the unexpected value of “the visit”—the art of showing up to your work, play, or creative project without any pressure to act. It’s a practice especially vital for adults with ADHD and wandering minds, offering a way to foster agency and mindfulness beyond the rigid mold of traditional productivity.

You’ll learn:

• Why allowing yourself to simply “be” with a task—without expectation—can spark clarity, motivation, and self-understanding.
• How daily visits help you navigate fear, procrastination, and the deeper emotional storms that influence your focus.
• Why embracing thoughtful pauses can nudge your creativity and reveal new paths, even in moments of resistance.

Key Takeaways:

• A “visit” to your work strengthens agency and self-compassion, helping you move at your own rhythm.
• Facing the discomfort of pausing with your project is emotional work—often more powerful than sheer action.
• True progress begins in the quiet moments between doing—where insight and motivation have space to emerge.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Where Did the Table Go?”,

Subscribe for mindful strategies and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to explore more rhythms for your wandering mind.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #EmotionalWork #Agency #DailyVisit #FocusStrategies #CreativePauses #RhythmsOfFocus #PianoMeditation

Transcript

Introduction

 What's the point of doing nothing?

I've recommended this approach that we can make to our work where we can sit with it and even not do a thing. I call this a visit, and so when I make this recommendation, I regularly hear a quite understandable question.

What's the point of doing nothing?

Well, as it turns out quite a lot, and I can get into those reasons, but simply saying that and going through those reasons often isn't enough to make it appealing. In fact, this question, what's the point, can often be a way of avoiding the attempt. It's protecting us from something.

It can even act as a proxy for several quite understandable reasons for avoiding what could be a powerful tool in your life.

A Visit Reviewed

A visit, even more so, a daily visit to some work that you have in front of you, some play that you wanna get into can be an absolute force to be reckoned with -this wonderful unit of work that can guide projects, habits, even developing relationships into fruition at a pace that works for you.

I've described visits in some detail in episode four, but in short, they're about showing up to a thing, whatever that thing is, desired, dreaded, and then fully being there without any obligation to doing any of it.

We could sit there staring out at the garden. Maybe we nudge it here or there. Maybe we get into a flow, or maybe we walk away without having touched it at all.

The important matter is that we're somehow fully there for at least a moment, maybe for a single deep breath.

Allowing ourselves to do nothing is not only important, it's absolutely vital. It supports that sense of agency. It's like the difference between being assigned a book to read in school or choosing to read that same book yourself.

The Complexity of a Visit

While a visit can sound simple, it is by no means simple.

In fact, it can not only be difficult, it can be dangerous and scary. In this question, "what's the point of doing nothing?" There's a clue in fear. Somehow we'd waste our time. The fear of wasting time is one of wasting life- this existentially awful feeling.

What would we gain in taking this chance of being and not necessarily doing?

For example, let's say I'm struggling with a school report. If I simply avoid it, I might fail the class. If I wait for urgency to take over with an approaching deadline, I could exhaust myself, lose out on more fun things, get thrown off by other deadlines, illness among other possibilities. Or if I shove myself through, I might not be able to recognize more creative ways to engage or even learn from it, also exhausting myself.

But if I can simply be for a few moments, maybe giving myself time well ahead of a deadline, if possible, I can sense the fears, maybe a sense of, I'm incapable, I'm lost. I don't know what I'm doing. But then I can start thinking, okay, well how would I test that? Maybe I can try this, try that. I might find that, oh, I, I do know how to do some things.

But on the other hand, I might also find that my heart is just not in this, and my heart's actually in another major of work entirely that I'd like to change majors, but then that butts up against another fear of having to talk to my parents, for example, this deeper fear, but also a place for stronger courage, a more important fight than the paper in front of me.

In avoiding the pause, in avoiding being with the work, either forced ourselves through, moved on elsewhere, we miss that sense of what does this mean to me? Every pause gives our mind time to have feelings and thoughts themselves alive only in time given the room to settle. They strengthen the grounds of meaningful decision.

Rather than wait for motivation, we begin creating the conditions for motivation to form.

Is it Peaceful?

When I say do nothing, when I say be there, maybe another idea comes to mind too, something like meditation. You know, it seems like this peaceful thing, these peaceful images of just being.

But it could also be terrifying. And by the by, I think real meditation can also be terrifying. Many of us have a number of emotional tensions and storms.

I don't write the report, not just because "I don't feel like it," but possibly for fear of what it might reveal about my abilities and lack thereof. Therefore being unlikeable, unsuccessful, unable to find relationships, unable to set limits, unworthy, and more.

Doing nothing puts us in front of those horrors.

Doing something, taking action- hyperactive, impulsive, regardless of the direction, is often this attempt to escape the dread.

Being lets us engage in the hard work, which at its core is emotional work.

Daily Visits Imbue Care

When we visit something daily, we can always step away. We can always titrate. We can let our unconscious mind percolate between visits. Having done the work of exposing ourselves to those emotions, maybe it gets harder, maybe it gets easier. Maybe we shift gears to only envisioning the work.

So consider if a visit is avoided, not out of hand, but from not hearing some important part of you that has a concern. When you say, "what's the point?" It might be that you're afraid of a waste of time or a worry about what it might reveal, but know that it then, if you can get there, if you can be with the work and nothing comes to mind, that's okay.

Your time was not wasted. Things often come up in the time between visits as the mind kind of bubbles. One thing you can be sure of though is that if you're not with the work at all, some point in time, neither it nor you would go forward.

A Challenge

There is a challenge to this. Hard work is emotional work, and I know I'm supposed to say something like, "Hey, believe in yourself. It'll work out and all that." I don't know. You might even be impossible. Courage isn't something that we automatically reward with a prize. By definition, we might meet catastrophe. It may not work. There might be things that are scary. But we also might find things that are meaningful, beautiful, and a life otherwise missed.

So the takeaway here, if you haven't given a visit, a try, placing something in front of you, being with it. What's holding you back?

"Where did the table go?"

A piece of music is a place of rest. It's somewhere for the mind to drift through for a few minutes. It can distract, it can confound, but in the end, I often find music to be refreshing in the inevitable pauses of a visit. As I hear music sitting in the background, it can catch my wandering attention and gently help me return it to whatever it was wherever I was.

Losing My attention is a regular process as I work or write. It's part of the process. It's part of being there in that visit. I might be in the middle of something that seems to be quite moving, and yet the more moving it is, sometimes the more my mind can wander off without my realizing it. To that end, I've titled this piece with an absurd notion of losing something in plain sight.

It's called "Where did the Table Go?" I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

In this episode, Dr. Kourosh Dini challenges the limits of “chemistry-only” explanations and explores the deeper rhythms of agency and engagement. Drawing on Dr. Thomas Brown’s vivid metaphor—ADHD as “erectile dysfunction of the mind”—we ask: What if the real key isn’t willpower, but the mindful cultivation of agency and self-trust?

Listeners will learn:

• Why “willpower” is a problematic concept for wandering minds.
• How agency differs from willpower and why it matters for daily life.
• The power of “the daily visit” as a compassionate practice to nudge forward on tasks, even when motivation feels absent.
• How emotional waves and environmental supports can be harnessed to create meaningful engagement.
• Why practice is more about care than force, and how to honor both present and future selves in the process.

The episode closes with a personal reflection on the role of music and meaning, featuring Beethoven’s Pathetique as a metaphor for settling into rhythms of focus.

References & Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Thomas Brown’s metaphor: 
• (Referenced in the episode introduction.)
• Instagram post quote: “The ADHD brain isn’t lazy or undisciplined. It’s wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus.”
• Episode 4: Introduction to the “daily visit” practice.
• Episode 9: Deep dive into the concept of “injured agency.”
• Episode 14: Previous metaphor of the magnified mind and emotional waves.
• Karl Haas & Adventures in Good Music: (link) Inspiration for the musical closing and reflection on the power of loving one’s craft.
• Beethoven’s Pathetique: Featured musical piece at the end of the episode.

Tags

1. ADHD
2. Agency
3. Willpower
4. Daily Visit Practice
5. Emotional Regulation
6. Productivity
7. Self-Compassion
8. Focus Strategies
9. Neurodiversity
10. Musical Metaphors

Listener Invitation

Have you tried the “daily visit” approach? What helps you nudge forward when motivation is low? Share your experiences or questions by replying to this episode or connecting on social media.

Music for this episode: Beethoven’s Pathetique, performed by Dr. Kourosh Dini.

For more resources, exercises, and community support, visit the Waves of Focus course page or explore the Letters of a Wandering Mind series.

Transcript

Open

I refuse to believe that any science would tell me I have no free will. The slippery slope of victimhood can plague the science of ADHD Because once again, I've seen the statement.

"I do not have the interest. Therefore, I could not do it."

A Metaphor of ADHD as Erectile Dysfunction

 Dr. Thomas Brown, an important voice in the ADHD community recently described it as an "erectile dysfunction of the mind." Let me play the clip for you here.

Certainly the sexual nature of the metaphor is exciting. There's something immediately and viscerally engaging about it. There's a useful sentiment in there, but there's also the possibility of a slippery slope that could be used against ourselves to advocate the sort of victimhood and helplessness, this trouble of actively doing something for ourselves.

So I want to take this apart and see where we can use its ideas without trapping ourselves.

An Over-Focus on "Chemistry"

An important caution in the statement that's made is perhaps the conclusion that the problem is one of chemistry. The implication is that it's that the only valid perspective for wandering mind's difficulties, and when it comes to our sense of agency, our ability to decide and engage something, I would much rather prefer to at least entertain the notion that other potential perspectives exist.

There's a spoiler warning here. I believe they do.

We can look at the entire universe through the lens of chemistry.

So much of our existence can be seen through carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, as these are bonded, taken apart, and rearranged. But even here, within this one perspective, it starts to invite other perspectives. We see the windows to other places. Smaller and larger.

On the smaller side, of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen -these are atoms. Within atoms, we're talking electrons and their orbitals, neutrons, protons. Smaller, yet we can go to quarks: up, down charm, strange. We can go to the forces that are involved of weak, strong electromagnetic can throw in gravitational.

We're here at the level of physics now. In this way, chemistry and physics are something of an artificial distinction. Chemistry being more of an epiphenomenon of physics.

But we could also go larger from chemistry to biology. For instance, we have molecules and ions that construct the bilipid layers of our cells, each one with gates and channels that leverage cycles of osmosis on one side and active shoving of ions through another set of channels, powered by adenosine tri phosphate in the right key of an enzyme.

Larger yet organs, blood, skin, thyroid, kidneys. One of my favorites is the brain, but why stop there?

There's a larger phenomena yet, which to me seems pretty important. Our existence. Meaning, story, day- to- day, the mind.

To make a metaphor, we have the components of our violin: strings, tuning, the wood, how it's constructed.

These are all important.

But I want to make and hear music. In fact, I wanna make enjoyable, meaningful music. And when we cannot hear it or make it, there might be a problem, certainly with the violin. It could be, it could be a crack in the wood, maybe there's a broken string. Maybe it's out of tune, but maybe just maybe there's some form of practice that could help us write or play a lovely piece.

Interestingly enough, within the text of the Instagram post itself was an important statement:

"the ADHD brain isn't lazy or undisciplined. It's wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus."

The stronger the emotion, the more aligning it is. This can be true for anyone, wandering mind or otherwise, but it can be particularly helpful for a wandering mind in the sense that it can create the sort of emotional wave that we can ride.

Or in the metaphor of the magnified mind that I gave in episode 14, it can help us create this consistency in our short-term memory, this sort of peripheral strength to the lens of awareness, this bed on which our consciousness can better rest, that helps to stabilize our vision, reduce distractibility, and then engage us.

Doing the dishes, an often considered aversive task for the wandering mind, can be every bit as complex as creating a piece of music, an epiphenomena of many things.

Not only in a complexity of motion, but sometimes even in the emotions we confront as we stand at the edge of the sink.

"I can't believe I can't do this. I know how to do this. I don't want to do this."

Just as there are many possibilities to how we might not be able to play a piece that we'd like, there are many paths by which we might arrive at this wandering mind from the curious to the brilliant, to the hurt, to the anxious, to the concerned, to the artistic and well beyond.

Chemistry as Abandoning Free Will

Now there's a second trouble that I have with this word "chemical," which is the same that I have with "dopamine" or "norepinephrine," in that it can quickly become this metaphor of having no free will, that the only way to make things happen is to access it using this method that is outside of our experience.

And I refuse to believe that we have no free will.

Now, to be fair, he did not use the phrase "free will," but he did use a very parallel word "willpower," which itself is a terribly problematic word.

As the best as I can understand it, willpower means being able to do something that we would otherwise not want to do, implying that there is some form of force involved.

Now, there's some troubles with this point of view.

First missing is that there are multiple emotional fields at play.

For example, in order for this scenario itself to exist in which we're, let's say, complaining that we don't want to do the dishes, there's some part of us that says, "I do wanna do the dishes." Otherwise we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Now, certainly there's another part, perhaps huge and outweighing the first part that says, "I don't want to."

But again, it's only a part.

Even the very analogy of erectile dysfunction can be tremendously complicated. Certainly there are illnesses, certainly there's age, these can have an effect, but there are also times where a man can have trouble performing with his wife, but get quite excited when it comes to their colleague at work.

To write off that there might be something...]]>Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Kourosh Dini challenges the limits of “chemistry-only” explanations and explores the deeper rhythms of agency and engagement. Drawing on Dr. Thomas Brown’s vivid metaphor—ADHD as “erectile dysfunction of the mind”—we ask: What if the real key isn’t willpower, but the mindful cultivation of agency and self-trust?

Listeners will learn:

• Why “willpower” is a problematic concept for wandering minds.
• How agency differs from willpower and why it matters for daily life.
• The power of “the daily visit” as a compassionate practice to nudge forward on tasks, even when motivation feels absent.
• How emotional waves and environmental supports can be harnessed to create meaningful engagement.
• Why practice is more about care than force, and how to honor both present and future selves in the process.

The episode closes with a personal reflection on the role of music and meaning, featuring Beethoven’s Pathetique as a metaphor for settling into rhythms of focus.

References & Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Thomas Brown’s metaphor: 
• (Referenced in the episode introduction.)
• Instagram post quote: “The ADHD brain isn’t lazy or undisciplined. It’s wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus.”
• Episode 4: Introduction to the “daily visit” practice.
• Episode 9: Deep dive into the concept of “injured agency.”
• Episode 14: Previous metaphor of the magnified mind and emotional waves.
• Karl Haas & Adventures in Good Music: (link) Inspiration for the musical closing and reflection on the power of loving one’s craft.
• Beethoven’s Pathetique: Featured musical piece at the end of the episode.

Tags

1. ADHD
2. Agency
3. Willpower
4. Daily Visit Practice
5. Emotional Regulation
6. Productivity
7. Self-Compassion
8. Focus Strategies
9. Neurodiversity
10. Musical Metaphors

Listener Invitation

Have you tried the “daily visit” approach? What helps you nudge forward when motivation is low? Share your experiences or questions by replying to this episode or connecting on social media.

Music for this episode: Beethoven’s Pathetique, performed by Dr. Kourosh Dini.

For more resources, exercises, and community support, visit the Waves of Focus course page or explore the Letters of a Wandering Mind series.

Transcript

Open

I refuse to believe that any science would tell me I have no free will. The slippery slope of victimhood can plague the science of ADHD Because once again, I've seen the statement.

"I do not have the interest. Therefore, I could not do it."

A Metaphor of ADHD as Erectile Dysfunction

 Dr. Thomas Brown, an important voice in the ADHD community recently described it as an "erectile dysfunction of the mind." Let me play the clip for you here.

Certainly the sexual nature of the metaphor is exciting. There's something immediately and viscerally engaging about it. There's a useful sentiment in there, but there's also the possibility of a slippery slope that could be used against ourselves to advocate the sort of victimhood and helplessness, this trouble of actively doing something for ourselves.

So I want to take this apart and see where we can use its ideas without trapping ourselves.

An Over-Focus on "Chemistry"

An important caution in the statement that's made is perhaps the conclusion that the problem is one of chemistry. The implication is that it's that the only valid perspective for wandering mind's difficulties, and when it comes to our sense of agency, our ability to decide and engage something, I would much rather prefer to at least entertain the notion that other potential perspectives exist.

There's a spoiler warning here. I believe they do.

We can look at the entire universe through the lens of chemistry.

So much of our existence can be seen through carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, as these are bonded, taken apart, and rearranged. But even here, within this one perspective, it starts to invite other perspectives. We see the windows to other places. Smaller and larger.

On the smaller side, of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen -these are atoms. Within atoms, we're talking electrons and their orbitals, neutrons, protons. Smaller, yet we can go to quarks: up, down charm, strange. We can go to the forces that are involved of weak, strong electromagnetic can throw in gravitational.

We're here at the level of physics now. In this way, chemistry and physics are something of an artificial distinction. Chemistry being more of an epiphenomenon of physics.

But we could also go larger from chemistry to biology. For instance, we have molecules and ions that construct the bilipid layers of our cells, each one with gates and channels that leverage cycles of osmosis on one side and active shoving of ions through another set of channels, powered by adenosine tri phosphate in the right key of an enzyme.

Larger yet organs, blood, skin, thyroid, kidneys. One of my favorites is the brain, but why stop there?

There's a larger phenomena yet, which to me seems pretty important. Our existence. Meaning, story, day- to- day, the mind.

To make a metaphor, we have the components of our violin: strings, tuning, the wood, how it's constructed.

These are all important.

But I want to make and hear music. In fact, I wanna make enjoyable, meaningful music. And when we cannot hear it or make it, there might be a problem, certainly with the violin. It could be, it could be a crack in the wood, maybe there's a broken string. Maybe it's out of tune, but maybe just maybe there's some form of practice that could help us write or play a lovely piece.

Interestingly enough, within the text of the Instagram post itself was an important statement:

"the ADHD brain isn't lazy or undisciplined. It's wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus."

The stronger the emotion, the more aligning it is. This can be true for anyone, wandering mind or otherwise, but it can be particularly helpful for a wandering mind in the sense that it can create the sort of emotional wave that we can ride.

Or in the metaphor of the magnified mind that I gave in episode 14, it can help us create this consistency in our short-term memory, this sort of peripheral strength to the lens of awareness, this bed on which our consciousness can better rest, that helps to stabilize our vision, reduce distractibility, and then engage us.

Doing the dishes, an often considered aversive task for the wandering mind, can be every bit as complex as creating a piece of music, an epiphenomena of many things.

Not only in a complexity of motion, but sometimes even in the emotions we confront as we stand at the edge of the sink.

"I can't believe I can't do this. I know how to do this. I don't want to do this."

Just as there are many possibilities to how we might not be able to play a piece that we'd like, there are many paths by which we might arrive at this wandering mind from the curious to the brilliant, to the hurt, to the anxious, to the concerned, to the artistic and well beyond.

Chemistry as Abandoning Free Will

Now there's a second trouble that I have with this word "chemical," which is the same that I have with "dopamine" or "norepinephrine," in that it can quickly become this metaphor of having no free will, that the only way to make things happen is to access it using this method that is outside of our experience.

And I refuse to believe that we have no free will.

Now, to be fair, he did not use the phrase "free will," but he did use a very parallel word "willpower," which itself is a terribly problematic word.

As the best as I can understand it, willpower means being able to do something that we would otherwise not want to do, implying that there is some form of force involved.

Now, there's some troubles with this point of view.

First missing is that there are multiple emotional fields at play.

For example, in order for this scenario itself to exist in which we're, let's say, complaining that we don't want to do the dishes, there's some part of us that says, "I do wanna do the dishes." Otherwise we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Now, certainly there's another part, perhaps huge and outweighing the first part that says, "I don't want to."

But again, it's only a part.

Even the very analogy of erectile dysfunction can be tremendously complicated. Certainly there are illnesses, certainly there's age, these can have an effect, but there are also times where a man can have trouble performing with his wife, but get quite excited when it comes to their colleague at work.

To write off that there might be something psychological going on disconnects us from

other important possibilities, many of which could be worth looking into.

A Perspective of Injured Agency

Another perspective then, a psychological one, that's at least worth considering is that of injured agency.

I get into this in detail in episode nine, but just to give a thumbnail sketch here, agency is that part of us that can decide and engage non-reactively. I'll say it again. Agency is that part of us that can decide and engage non-reactively.

That may sound boring, may not sound like much. Quite literally, it's not as sexy of a description, but to decide and engage is a vital purpose of consciousness. In some circles, it is the only purpose of consciousness, and by extension it is our very personhood itself.

When we do not trust ourselves in how we can decide and engage. In the moment. Over time with small matters or large matters, we do not trust ourselves.

Our very personhood feels injured, if not under threat.

When we lose things, forget things, can't get to things instantly, we lose that sense of our own cohesion that we exist. We yell, "no." To others, we yell "no" to the others that we have internalized as a part of our cry to the universe that we exist. The exhausting struggles sap the resources that we have, the emotional worlds that we have within ourselves to be able to engage, to be able to decide.

To regain that ability to heal that injury, that sense of agency means being able to decide and engage non-reactively. That word "non-reactive" is vital.

That means there's no force to making things happen because otherwise we're reacting.

When we bounce between this and that, praying that we'll find some way to engage something somewhere that feels meaningful to us , we're trying to stave off that free fall sense of existential dread.

Nicely said in the text of the post that it is not about trying harder.

It's about creating environment supports and strategies that align with how the ADHD brain is wired to succeed. End quote.

But still, it's only part of the story.

Willpower Vs Agency

The second trouble in the word "willpower" is the sense that it either exists or doesn't. It's on or off. It's binary- instead of the idea of agency, which is something we can develop and practice over time, a skill that we can have more or less of. That we can face and understand our emotions as they are, as sometimes having meaning and then deciding what to do with that.

Sometimes we don't want to do the dishes because of what it represents or because right now it might just not be a good idea. Sometimes our sexual faculties aren't working because there's something about the relationship itself that's not working.

Acknowledging the trouble might lead to some considerations about what's not working. Are needs not being met? Are there conversations that could be had? Are there styles of communication that could be better practiced to help get needs met for both parties?

Agency over Willpower

We can face the emotional fields as they are, be with them, and feel how they might be influencing our sense of agency.

We can create and decide from that state and however we decide at that point. We do so from a place that feels most meaningful to us, rather than reactively.

Concerns of "Practice"

So how do we practice that sense? Because even the word "practice" itself can be troublesome. Practicing an instrument, exercising, getting good at some craft, we might hit that frustration quickly if not instantly and say, "oh, I need to try harder. No pain, no gain."

Either of these statements are a terrible distortion of what practice actually is.

At its heart, practice is no different than care: a process of clearing and supporting paths for the development of those things that feel meaningful to you. In this case, agency itself.

Practicing a Visit

There are several ways to practice this, and one that I tend to return to over and over is this idea of the daily visit. It's not easy, but it does develop a sense of power.

If you'd like, give a listen to episode four for an overview about it. But let me give you a thumbnail now.

It's that we show up to something and be there fully with it, and then make a decision. We show up to the dishes, honoring the self that does want to do the dishes, as small as that part might be.

But then. We respect the present self that can make a decision. We do not have to do it. That present self can weigh the emotions as they are the big voices, the small, respecting that sense of agency. Maybe we nudge it forward, maybe we don't.

And then when we want to step away, whether we've done a lot, a little or none at all, we can practice care for that future self by creating an invite for a return to another visit. Once again, honoring that part of us that does want to do it while respecting the agency of the future self who will come to that next visit and make their own decision.

Every visit builds momentum, conscious and unconscious.

Maybe you nudge something. Maybe the next time it starts to turn into a flow, maybe you realize why it's not a good idea.

Every time we do make that visit, particularly regular visits daily, perhaps, we guide the waves of focus within ourselves using our own rhythms.

We practice agency.

A Takeaway

So as a takeaway, as one practice, something you might want to try: the next time you don't want to do the dishes or the laundry or something else you don't want to do, are you able to show up to the thing? Can you go there and be with that thing? You don't have to do any of it.

You can nudge it forward if you like. You can do the whole thing if you decide to within and through it, or you can do absolutely none of it.

And if you're not done with it, could you make some sort of invitation to yourself to come back and do the same once again?

Adventures in Good Music and the Pathetique

  Years ago, my father would listen to a radio show called Adventures in Good Music hosted by Karl Haas. This beautiful show in which Karl Haas would play classical music and describe what was going on, whether it was about the composers, the musicians, the music itself. He had this lovely voice. My father once said, "Sometimes I don't know what he says, but I sure like how he says it."

I really like that.

Whatever Haas would say, you could absolutely hear his love of good music.

Every show would begin with Beethoven's Pathetique a marvelous piece. So whenever I heard that piece, I knew I could settle into his words and the worlds that he would describe.

Beethoven's Pathetique is a beautiful work. This rendition that I do here is faster than the one that you might hear on the radio show if you search it online somewhere, but I think the beauty still holds up and uh, I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

00:00 Open

03:33 An Appeal to Human Experience

07:52 A Metaphor of the Eye's Lens

11:36 The Lens of Consciousness

15:16 A Return of The Now and Not Now

16:02 The Vitality of Emotion

18:18 Bringing it Together

25:57 An Improvisation

Rhythms of Focus – Episode 14 Show Notes

The Magnified Mind: Metaphors for Wandering, Focus, and Emotional Depth

Welcome, fellow wandering minds! In this episode, we set sail through the complexities of attention, memory, and emotion—exploring how the wandering mind, so often misunderstood, can be a source of both challenge and creative strength. Below you’ll find references, resources, and further reading to deepen your journey.

Key References & Further Reading

ADHD, Neurodiversity, and Focus Variability

• ADHD Types & Neurodiversity:
• CHADD: Understanding ADHD Types
• ADDitude Magazine: ADHD Presentations

Science, Measurement, and Human Experience

• Objectivism in Psychology:
• E.L. Thorndike and Measurement in Psychology
• Quote from Dr. Frank Summers, The Psychoanalytic Vision:
• Book Information

Neuroscience of Attention

• Task Positive Network vs. Default Mode Network:
• ScienceDirect: Brain Networks
• Neurotransmitters & Attention:
• Verywell Mind: Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin
• Short-Term & Working Memory:
• George Miller’s “The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two”

Emotion, Consciousness, and Motivation

• Neuropsychoanalysis & Mark Solms:
• Mark Solms, The Conscious Id
• International Neuropsychoanalysis Society

Practical Tools for Agency & Focus

• The Anchor Technique & Session Pad:
• Waves of Focus: Anchor Technique
• Session Pad & Honor Guide

Artists Who Paint Beyond Sight

• Bianca Raphaella:
• Bianca Raphaella’s Art
• Esref Armagan:
• Esref Armagan Profile

Musical Improvisation & Structure

• Improvisation in Music:
• Music & Podcast Archive
• What Is Musical Improvisation?

Featured Tools from Waves of Focus

• The Anchor Technique:
• A practical, pen-and-paper approach to regaining agency and clarity in moments of overwhelm or distraction. Learn more and access exercises.
• Session Pad & Honor Guide:
• Structures to help carry momentum and maintain a gentle rhythm between focus and rest. Explore the system.

Mentioned Metaphors & Concepts

• The Lens of Consciousness:
• Seeing attention as a shifting lens—sometimes magnified, sometimes blurry—mirrors the lived experience of focus and forgetfulness.
• Agency as Sailing:
• Agency is a boat navigating a sea of emotions, learning to tack and use the winds of emotion to guide, rather than fight.
• Improvisation:
• Mastery grows from playful exploration, much like improvising music within a framework of learned fundamentals.

Episode Music

This episode closes with “Meandering Improv in E-Flat,” a spontaneous piece that mirrors the episode’s theme of wandering, discovery, and playful structure. Listen to more original music.

Want to Go Deeper?

• Waves of Focus Course:
• For a step-by-step guide to building your own rhythms of focus, agency, and creative mastery, explore the Waves of Focus course.
• Newsletter:
• Subscribe for more insights, metaphors, and practical tools for wandering minds.

Thank you for joining me on this voyage. May your focus be as gentle and resilient as a boat riding the waves—and may you discover new strengths in the very places your mind tends to wander.

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend or leave a review. Your voice helps others find their rhythm, too.

Transcript

  There are those times where we can dive deep into that one thing, engaged in this wonderful flow gathering and holding on to multiple ideas, pulling that from there and this from here, and sometimes remembering that some obscure thought from some seeming random other field of knowledge.

And then we discover this new idea and the connection and, uh,

"Why did I come into this room again?"

How can it be so easy to lose touch with something that seems so important from only a few moments ago? What's going on?

 A wandering mind's complexities can seem staggering.

There are many forces, paths, spirits that can lead to those familiar meanderings from the tightly wound, the anxious, the hurt, the confused, the lost, the misunderstood to the deeply curious, the brilliant, the wonderfully artistic.

The very poster child of focus struggles, ADHD, has its own multiple variations. Some struggle with constantly messy environments while others are impeccably clean. Some are never on time, while others are obsessively early. Some can hardly string actions together into any form of habit while others clutch dearly to routine.

What singular idea could ever describe these variations?

We already have so many perspectives: psychological, biological, social, the motor, the mental, the interpersonal, brain anatomy, task positive network versus default mode network, ideas of the neurodivergent versus neurotypical, neurotransmitters of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, the neural pathways between.

And here I am trying to throw another perspective on the pile. Why? Well, because mine's right, of course. But uh. Well, joking aside, I do think it's one worth playing with. I'll be making a few stops in this journey, this argument, pulling into port here or there.

But first we'll be looking at the nature of how we view science itself. A bit of a stepping back. Then, I'll describe a metaphor, get into a bit about time, emotion, and finally bring it all together. So hang onto your proverbial hats here as I hope to string a few meanderings into some central meaning.

Kindly, uh, wish your captain here, good luck as we make this voyage.

An Appeal to Human Experience

The first stop is a rather abstract one. But it is also a vital one, I...]]>This episode delves into the intricate nature of the wandering mind, exploring the complexities of attention, focus, and the diverse manifestations of ADHD. It challenges the traditional objectivist approach in scientific inquiry, emphasizing the value of human experience, metaphor, and emotion in understanding mental processes. The narrative presents a metaphor comparing the lens of an eye to the lens of consciousness, illustrating how mental wanderings impact focus and productivity. Additionally, it discusses the role of short-term and working memory and the emotional bed of consciousness. The episode concludes with practical insights for managing a wandering mind and a musical improvisation piece that embodies the themes discussed.

00:00 Open

03:33 An Appeal to Human Experience

07:52 A Metaphor of the Eye's Lens

11:36 The Lens of Consciousness

15:16 A Return of The Now and Not Now

16:02 The Vitality of Emotion

18:18 Bringing it Together

25:57 An Improvisation

Rhythms of Focus – Episode 14 Show Notes

The Magnified Mind: Metaphors for Wandering, Focus, and Emotional Depth

Welcome, fellow wandering minds! In this episode, we set sail through the complexities of attention, memory, and emotion—exploring how the wandering mind, so often misunderstood, can be a source of both challenge and creative strength. Below you’ll find references, resources, and further reading to deepen your journey.

Key References & Further Reading

ADHD, Neurodiversity, and Focus Variability

• ADHD Types & Neurodiversity:
• CHADD: Understanding ADHD Types
• ADDitude Magazine: ADHD Presentations

Science, Measurement, and Human Experience

• Objectivism in Psychology:
• E.L. Thorndike and Measurement in Psychology
• Quote from Dr. Frank Summers, The Psychoanalytic Vision:
• Book Information

Neuroscience of Attention

• Task Positive Network vs. Default Mode Network:
• ScienceDirect: Brain Networks
• Neurotransmitters & Attention:
• Verywell Mind: Dopamine, Norepinephrine, Serotonin
• Short-Term & Working Memory:
• George Miller’s “The Magical Number Seven, Plus or Minus Two”

Emotion, Consciousness, and Motivation

• Neuropsychoanalysis & Mark Solms:
• Mark Solms, The Conscious Id
• International Neuropsychoanalysis Society

Practical Tools for Agency & Focus

• The Anchor Technique & Session Pad:
• Waves of Focus: Anchor Technique
• Session Pad & Honor Guide

Artists Who Paint Beyond Sight

• Bianca Raphaella:
• Bianca Raphaella’s Art
• Esref Armagan:
• Esref Armagan Profile

Musical Improvisation & Structure

• Improvisation in Music:
• Music & Podcast Archive
• What Is Musical Improvisation?

Featured Tools from Waves of Focus

• The Anchor Technique:
• A practical, pen-and-paper approach to regaining agency and clarity in moments of overwhelm or distraction. Learn more and access exercises.
• Session Pad & Honor Guide:
• Structures to help carry momentum and maintain a gentle rhythm between focus and rest. Explore the system.

Mentioned Metaphors & Concepts

• The Lens of Consciousness:
• Seeing attention as a shifting lens—sometimes magnified, sometimes blurry—mirrors the lived experience of focus and forgetfulness.
• Agency as Sailing:
• Agency is a boat navigating a sea of emotions, learning to tack and use the winds of emotion to guide, rather than fight.
• Improvisation:
• Mastery grows from playful exploration, much like improvising music within a framework of learned fundamentals.

Episode Music

This episode closes with “Meandering Improv in E-Flat,” a spontaneous piece that mirrors the episode’s theme of wandering, discovery, and playful structure. Listen to more original music.

Want to Go Deeper?

• Waves of Focus Course:
• For a step-by-step guide to building your own rhythms of focus, agency, and creative mastery, explore the Waves of Focus course.
• Newsletter:
• Subscribe for more insights, metaphors, and practical tools for wandering minds.

Thank you for joining me on this voyage. May your focus be as gentle and resilient as a boat riding the waves—and may you discover new strengths in the very places your mind tends to wander.

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend or leave a review. Your voice helps others find their rhythm, too.

Transcript

  There are those times where we can dive deep into that one thing, engaged in this wonderful flow gathering and holding on to multiple ideas, pulling that from there and this from here, and sometimes remembering that some obscure thought from some seeming random other field of knowledge.

And then we discover this new idea and the connection and, uh,

"Why did I come into this room again?"

How can it be so easy to lose touch with something that seems so important from only a few moments ago? What's going on?

 A wandering mind's complexities can seem staggering.

There are many forces, paths, spirits that can lead to those familiar meanderings from the tightly wound, the anxious, the hurt, the confused, the lost, the misunderstood to the deeply curious, the brilliant, the wonderfully artistic.

The very poster child of focus struggles, ADHD, has its own multiple variations. Some struggle with constantly messy environments while others are impeccably clean. Some are never on time, while others are obsessively early. Some can hardly string actions together into any form of habit while others clutch dearly to routine.

What singular idea could ever describe these variations?

We already have so many perspectives: psychological, biological, social, the motor, the mental, the interpersonal, brain anatomy, task positive network versus default mode network, ideas of the neurodivergent versus neurotypical, neurotransmitters of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, the neural pathways between.

And here I am trying to throw another perspective on the pile. Why? Well, because mine's right, of course. But uh. Well, joking aside, I do think it's one worth playing with. I'll be making a few stops in this journey, this argument, pulling into port here or there.

But first we'll be looking at the nature of how we view science itself. A bit of a stepping back. Then, I'll describe a metaphor, get into a bit about time, emotion, and finally bring it all together. So hang onto your proverbial hats here as I hope to string a few meanderings into some central meaning.

Kindly, uh, wish your captain here, good luck as we make this voyage.

An Appeal to Human Experience

The first stop is a rather abstract one. But it is also a vital one, I believe.

I'd like to present this different perspective on a wandering mind, but rather than dive as many do into molecules, structures, graphs, and the like, I want to appeal to human experience. We often do this on the internet and look at it this way or that way. Oh, isn't that funny how I thought of it this way, or how I did that thing? And everybody chimes in and says, oh yes, I agree. The trouble is, is we tend to look down on these human experiences as truly they are useful measures of thought.

We tend to look at numbers and stats and graphs and plots and say, well, that must be the real truth, somehow looking to bend our experience to fit the science rather than to recognize the science is there for us.

There's some claim to this objectivism, this tendency to lay stress on whatever's external to or independent of the mind, as if that's where the truth lies. The mind itself is somehow too fuzzy to consider scientific.

If we're generous, we might say it's the last frontier of science, but sometimes I look at that phrase as some backhanded way of keeping it at arm's length.

Years ago, this psychologist named El Thorndyke in 1918 said "whatever exists, exists in some amount and whatever exists in some amount can be measured."

Eh, sounds nice, but it's a sentiment that's damaging and it's also soaked into our scientific discourse far too deeply and far beyond psychology, overshadowing the power of the mind. It's somehow become this sense that only things that can be measured are worthwhile measured by some external means.

We see this in our graphs and charts of medicines, such as how much cholesterol this has and how much potassium is there and whatever, in the units of productivity at work as we measure it, by time, for instance, or in the measure of success of a company through its financial returns, rather than say an, ultimately unmeasurable, but vital sense of wellbeing that it might generate.

Sure, we can measure some things and add 'em all together and say, well, this might point us in a direction, but it's ultimately the individual who is the arbiter of those measures.

I want to quote a mentor of mine, Dr. Frank Summers, he's one of those, brilliant minds who you can tell has read everything, but can use any of those thoughts to support his own voice, which I deeply respect. He's also extremely humble and would probably be surprised to know that he is being mentioned here.

He comments about psychology in this quote I'll say, but , as I said, I think the issue is far beyond that and well into the sciences in general. So I quote from his book, The Psychoanalytic Vision:

"This concept of reality has been accepted uncritically by academic psychology for almost a hundred years, despite the failure of its adherents to provide any justification for it.

That is to say objectivism is a dogma, a tyrannical imposition on human inquiry. The contention that reality is quantity cannot hold up to its own terms because that statement itself is not measurable. According to objectivism, the very statement of objectivism does not exist."

I do get a kick outta that.

What does all that mean? What does it matter for, a wandering mind?

Well, I say it because to approach a wandering mind from a point of view of experience, we need to value experience. Metaphor, story, the tools of the human mind are just as powerful as any other means of understanding, if not more so than a ruler or a plotted graph. Meaning, that which connects to and through us conscious, unconscious really is the ruling class of any measure.

But there's no reason to malign, the examination of the external world, either. I think that has its place, certainly, and it's when we combine them that things can become truly interesting.

A Metaphor of the Eye's Lens

So let's move to our next stop : metaphor.

Let me present a scenario. Imagine sitting in a chair at a table. You see the foreground, maybe your laptop, a book, a table itself. Maybe you'll look up to see the room. There's a tea kettle, a hanging painting, the wall. You look further past the door and see the other room. In that room, there's a chair, a table, some shoes that need to be straightened out.

These objects sitting all around us at different distances somehow register in our mind. To do so, the light that bounces off of these objects flow into and through the lens of our eye, and that lens guides that light to a singular point at the back of our eye, known as the fovea.

This highly sensitive area of our retina is rich in receptors, able to gather detail and nuance of whatever we're focused on, and then pass that information along to the back of our brains and onward and its relays to represent the world in front of us

in order to see what's in front of us, what's close to us, and what's further away, that lens that's in our eye needs to be able to shift. It needs to adjust to bend the light as needed from close or from far to land on that one point.

And when it doesn't, what we register in our mind, what we see is a blur. The further off from making a pinpoint of those rays of light, the blurrier it is.

For some of us, we can't make these adjustments. We're stuck seeing things that are close or maybe seeing things that are far or some distortion in between.

One of my own eyes is significantly myopic, also known as shortsighted, while the other is only mildly so. Without glasses, I can only see my hand if it's right in front of my face, mere inches. And beyond that point, without correction, the world rapidly becomes a blur.

But there is something else interesting that happens. There's a magnification. In fact, if I want to see something in detail. I can take off my glasses and probably see things better than others do, at least in that small area.

The metaphor for the wandering mind should be apparent by now. We lose things. We drop things, we forget things that slip past. Things become blurry quickly. Meanwhile, what we can see in front of us is in great detail.

And I think this metaphor, this experienced idea, can be a centerpiece to understanding a wandering mind.

When we bump into things, forget things, lose things, there can be this cascade of problems leading to this sense of injured agency that I got into in module nine, where we feel that we have to force ourselves to do things.

These methods of force are then confused for the problem itself. Waiting for deadlines, shaming oneself, and more. These are all attempts to manage this central issue and the further problems that fester and feed on themselves from there, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

We will come back to how these problems can lead from this central concept , because we're not quite done with this metaphor.

A metaphor has a resonance. It has two ends. One thing comparing to another.

So if we're looking at this idea of the lens of the eye, what's at the other end?

The Lens of Consciousness

Well, this brings us to our next stop. The other end is the lens of consciousness itself. Okay, so what do I mean by the "lens of consciousness?" What sort of malarkey is this?

Well, let's look at it for a moment through the concepts of short-term memory and working memory.

Short-term memory is said to be this part of her brain that holds seven plus or minus two- five to nine items, things that we can hold in our mind. If I understand history correctly. We've even used this concept to establish the number of digits used in our telephones, making the numbers easier to remember back when we needed to remember them.

Working memory is then just what is in front of us, what is on our mind? What are we playing with? But either of these are areas where I believe our adherence to the scientific description does us a disservice.

Reading about short and working memory this way makes it sound, at least to my ears, like we've got five to nine objects sitting in a box next to us. You put things in the box and take things outta the box, but that doesn't seem quite right. It's not alive, and these things are divided, perhaps even artificially.

Instead, I see it more as this flow around a singular fovea of attention itself, where this maybe five to nine is more about these meandering ideas, sensations, feelings, rhythmically moving in and out of direct awareness. Maybe they overlap , envelope, and fold into each other as they hover around, if not compete for a central awareness, that place of working memory.

In this way, what are these short and working memories other than this sphere of consciousness that fades into the depths of the pre-conscious, if not unconscious worlds?

And what if like the objects in a room? Some of us can only see these mental objects upfront and magnified while the rest quickly blends into a blurred background.

A Stabilizing Video Camera

There's another parallel of the magnified mind worth considering too. A video recorder. When you record a video, there's this process called stabilization. In recent years, cameras have gotten pretty good with this. You hold the camera, you might jiggle your hand a little bit here and there, but the video itself feels steady.

In order to do this, the camera records a larger area than you see. It has peripheral vision. It uses peripheral aspects of the recording to make up for and adjust as needed.

When we don't have much of peripheral memory. That short-term memory, we don't have much to keep us steady.

When we dive deep, we gather ideas and sensations that relate to each other, allowing items to chunk and build. We can then see more deeply yet entering that hyperfocus, almost like hyperspace, where the periphery flows past blurred. As the paths forward reach this pinpoint of clarity, whichever direction we head has this feeling of moving forward.

We...]]>4204cc57-cc00-4f8a-a6e3-5fe5a6c34cf8Thu, 31 Jul 2025 14:00:00 -050029:30falsefull11414113. Avoiding a TaskmasterThis episode explores the frustrations of procrastination and task management, particularly when relying on others for reminders. It delves into the emotional cycle of resentment that builds between individuals and suggests a 'visit-based' approach to break free from the endless creation of incomplete tasks. Instead of arguing with emotions, the episode advocates for simply being present with tasks to foster productivity and reduce resentment, ultimately aiming for more aligned and harmonious task completion. The episode concludes with a piece of music titled 'Wooded Hills' in D Minor.

00:00 Avoiding a Taskmaster

01:45 The Sisyphean Struggle: Why Organizing Feels Impossible with ADHD

02:46 The Trap of Outsourcing Agency: “Can You Remind Me…?” and the Taskmaster Effect

04:34 Beyond “Feeling Like It”

05:22 Wooded Hills

Transcript

Picture this: feeling scattered, surrounded by a sea of sticky notes. You ask a friend to remind you to do that one important thing, but when they actually do, you find yourself saying, "well, not now. I'm busy." Suddenly you're both caught in this cycle of frustration and resentment each waiting for the other to make the next move.

So what's going on here?

The Sisyphean Struggle: Why Organizing Feels Impossible with ADHD

"Hey, can you remind me to do that thing?"

Trying to do the dishes, getting the report done, making that important call, it can all feel like some Sisyphean task, seeing the world around us full of incomplete projects. Scribbles on the calendar, post-it notes, all trying to yell past each other as they turn to some vague yellow sea.

It's a rare thing for those stars to align. But when they do, you're in it. Well, that is until you're either done or exhausted. And either way, chaos returns as inevitable as it is in our world.

So you might reason, you know what?

If something's important enough, it'll find me.

But when those things arrive, we still not only have some sense of inability, we have that injured sense of agency described in episode nine.

When the important thing shows up, unless it's shiny or on fire, some part of us might just refuse lay down and say No, I don't wanna, I can't be bothered. Many other possibilities.

The Trap of Outsourcing Agency: “Can You Remind Me…?” and the Taskmaster Effect

Then we can have this idea. What if I ask someone to help me, a friend, a loved one.

Hey, can you remind me about whatever it is?

But then when it comes time for that, someone else to say, Hey, what if you do that thing Now? We might just say,

"well, not now. I'm busy, or I'll get to it."

Something in us just isn't quite feeling it. What happens here though is that we've just thrown the ball back at the other person who now continues to hold the task. Both you and they have now colluded to create a task master.

Worse yet this new task master is now in a position of having to read our mind better than we even know it ourselves.

They have to target this often impossible place where we'd feel like it, where our own conscious and unconscious worlds and stars would align in ways that we ourselves don't even know. These positions create resentment. Both in ourselves as we begin to feel them as harassing us and in them who feel that they have to harass us.

Whether boss, spouse, parent, child, friend, or otherwise, any relationship- this can happen sadly, often in our most vital relationships. This resentment can build. And importantly resentment's a particularly insidious emotion. Much of it is unconscious. We may try to suppress it because after all, they often love care for feel dependent on us or us on them.

How is it that I can feel so angry?

How is it they can feel so angry with me?

I shouldn't feel this way.

Well, making these arguments, I mean, how often has that strategy of arguing with these emotions ever worked for you?

Beyond “Feeling Like It”

The benefit of a visit based approach as I've gotten into in episode four, is that we don't need to feel like it to be there.

We can simply be, be at the materials, be at the place. It's in our being there, let's say at the dishes, where we might decide to nudge something forward, we might nudge another one forward and get on a roll perhaps, or maybe we stop.

And then if we're not done, we can always create this invite for ourselves for another future visit where we would make the same attempt. By making a visit, we begin to create the very conditions we need for those stars to align.

As you improve your abilities to take greater and greater charge of your calendar, your tasks, and yourself, you remove these seen and sometimes unseen burdens on your relationships.

And what can that do other than improve those relationships?

Untangling these enmeshments are by no means easy.

That can only happen as we learn how we can trust ourselves, a genuine trust. How can we develop the relationships between our past, present, and future selves often embodied in these markings on the calendar, in our tasks, and in the reminders we create for ourselves.

Can we rely on our future selves when we send them a message? But as these relationships rely on trust, they take time to be nurtured into some strength. There are many skills we can practice , and it can be overwhelming to think of practicing them.

But I do find that things tend to go well when we start small.

A Takeaway

So as a takeaway, if this seems to be a problem that you tend to get yourself into, maybe consider one small thing that you've somehow offloaded to someone else and consider, is there a way to bring that back to you? Something that you can do to remind yourself.

When that reminder comes, then can you honor that past self that created that reminder by showing up to the thing, showing up to the materials, showing up to the phone call, whatever it happens to be, being there and then deciding whatever it is you decide to do, respecting the present self that's there.

Wooded Hills

  Piano has been a companion of mine for years now, and much like any relationship, I develop a sort of shorthand. Things said, get compressed, and more is said in smaller tones, words, phrases. Some of these pieces have developed almost an impressionistic vibe, like paintings that come together as a series of dots.

The notes themselves don't seem to matter quite so much as what they carry together.

This piece is called Wooded Hills, and it's written in D Minor for the most part. There are some moments where what would normally be B flat becomes a B major throwing things off a little, I suppose, or maybe that's just me hears it that way.

In any case, I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

Force-based productivity (deadlines, shame, rigid systems) often backfires for creative, neurodivergent minds. A rhythm-based, visit-oriented approach can help you find meaningful focus. You’ll learn how to move from cycles of exhaustion and self-criticism to a more mindful, compassionate path forward.

In this episode, you’ll take away:

- Gentle, actionable ways to recognize and shift out of procrastination without shame

- How to use acknowledgment and tiny steps to restore your sense of agency

Plus, enjoy an original piano composition, "Three is More" to support your focus and reflection.

Subscribe for more episodes and visit rhythmsoffocus.com to join a community that honors your creative mind and helps you thrive—one gentle wave at a time.

Links

• Episode 9 - "I Just Don't Wanna" and the Power of Agency
• Episode 11 - An Interview with Dr. Joel Anderson - Philosophy and the Wandering Mind
• Episode 4 - From Force to Flow with a "Visit"

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #Procrastination #MindfulProductivity #Agency #GentleFocus #CreativeMinds #VisitBased #RhythmOverRigidity #SelfCompassion

Transcript

More than Meets the Eye

Have you ever found yourself cleaning out a closet right when you know there's something else important you should be doing? Maybe you're playing a video game and that other thing needs to happen.

You tell yourself, I'll start soon, but the weight of the task feels heavier every passing minute. Your mind drifts Suddenly hours have slipped by of leaving you feeling a bit guilty, maybe relieved even, or you just start wondering, ah,

"it's just me. I'm lazy."

But what if there's more to this cycle than meets the eye?

A Cycle of Deadlines and Exhaustion

Those who rely on deadlines often cycle between frantic work and exhaustion. They find it impossible to move forward without a deadline hounding close behind. Meanwhile, in the collapse that often follows them, they can call themselves lazy. Unable to find some footing forward.

But what if avoidance is actually this attempt to recover from exhaustion? Whether it's a period of forced flow or flailing scatter.

Procrastination as Survival

At first glance, procrastination seems quite different from the relief that danger of deadlines can bring, as I described in episode nine, where you finally know what to focus on. But it's really the other side of the same coin.

Exhaustion overwhelms the mind's ability to continually find and fight danger, and so it runs, engaging in this type of flight to survive.

It's a bit like turning our head away.

If I can't see it, it doesn't exist.

Now, why would we ever do that?

The unconscious mind is powerful, particularly when we are frightened or depleted.

The Many Faces of Avoidance

Maybe we lie on the couch, barely able to follow a thought. Maybe we sleep through an important class or meeting. Or maybe we find deep focus elsewhere, cleaning the closet to some near, spiritually immaculate level, or finding new achievements on that game, while some deadline steadily sneaks across the calendar.

As thoughts fly by readily missed by this wandering mind, it can be hard to even know that we're procrastinating at all.

In the moments we do realize it, our pain and exhaustion still present, maybe now flaring with shame, we might hope even more to find some way to soothe ourselves. So we say

"I'll rest for a bit. I'll do it later."

Unfortunately, while the phrase, "I'll do it later," feels like a kindness, it rarely is that unfulfilled task easily becomes another stick to beat ourselves with.

Still, it's hard to know if any alternative as doing it now hardly seems possible.

The Fight, the Collapse, and the Injury to Agency

When the alarm sounds and the danger of some new deadline returns to push us through our exhaustion, we once again engage, fight using the anxiety as fuel and stimulation until we collapse again on the couch.

Throughout the whole process, our ability to decide is injured again and again.

Getting ourselves to do anything that feels important or meaningful can seem impossible. Those feelings of "I don't wanna" kick in, not only against others, but within ourselves as well.

What Is Procrastination, Really?

There's several definitions of procrastination that I appreciate.

Dr. Joel Anderson, our guest from episode 11 describes it as "Culpably unwarranted delay" using the negative emotion itself as a measure as hidden in that word "culpable." Dr. Neil Fiore calls it a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

Dr. Tim Pychyl describes it as a mechanism for managing mood or mood repair. Merlin Mann puts it simply "doing something and thinking you should be doing something else." My wife once said, "it's not procrastinating, it's marinating."

I do wonder about the unconscious element in it all. Here's how I see it.

Procrastination is an action or inaction related to avoiding an experience, primarily fueled by maybe anxiety or some other negative emotion. We think, I don't wanna prove my inability. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be seen that way. Some feeling comes to us that paralyzes us.

Procrastination can be found insidiously in any part of our workflows. Any tool can be used against ourselves. We can avoid work by organizing, by adjusting a task system, even by clearing time to work.

Returning to Agency: The Power of Acknowledgment

instead to return a sense of agency, that ability to decide and engage with clarity non-reactivity, we can pause and reflect on whatever the emotion is, anxiety or otherwise.

In this way, acknowledgement becomes our main tool to counter procrastination.

Philosopher Paul Tillich might say, we can begin converting the cloud of anxiety into an object, fear, that we can now bring into ourselves and better mount and muster courage against. In other words, a visit and even better, regular visits become the practice of courage that helps us defeat at least this dragon.

Takeaway

And so as a takeaway, maybe the next time you notice yourself avoiding some task, some project, some whatever, take a moment to pause. Consider, what is this feeling that I have about this thing? Simply be with that feeling, anxiety, overwhelm, or anything beyond. Perhaps naming it if you'd like or just feeling out its contours can start to soften its hold and begin to restore that sense of agency.

And for extra credit, if you can be there with that thing you're avoiding, as you would with any visit, as I described in episode four, while you're there, you can decide, is this something I want to nudge forward or not? You have every right to decide either way.

At that point, You have taken charge, whatever your decision.

"Three Is More"

  Today's musical piece is rather new in my repertoire. I've been building it out recently. I've been juggling a number of titles. Deadlines, as much as I tend to berate them, do have their use, and here I'm using the deadline of posting this here podcast episode to say, you know, I think I better settle on a title.

So I've settled on one. This one's called "Three is More". I'll give you the other titles, but that usually just confuses matters. It is written in F Minor. Not quite the saddest of scales as Nigel Tufnell famously mused in, This is Spinal Tap, and if you haven't seen, This is Spinal Tap, please see, This is Spinal Tap.

Anyway, here's "Three is More".

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Discussing philosophical and practical issues around agency, procrastination, and the balance between forcing oneself and creating affording conditions, they explore the concept of 'agentic play,' the importance of creating environments that invite rather than coerce, and the role of emotions in the effort to engage with tasks meaningfully.

They question the differences between motivation, effort, and naturally flowing engagement, and consider the implications of removing distractions and setting guiding conditions in a caring manner. The episode ends with reflections on how these philosophical dialogues can shift one's approach to work and life.

00:00 Introduction to the Conversation

02:33 Joel Anderson's Background

03:48 Diving into Philosophical Concepts

05:01 Exploring Agency and Play

05:48 Affordances and Environmental Design

10:08 Self-Binding Strategies and Productivity

17:59 Emotional Work and Hard Labor

21:11 Navigating Procrastination and Effort

30:21 Meeting Tension with Care

30:43 Hierarchical Set of Binds

32:50 Facing the Fog of Tasks

35:40 Building Trust and Self-Efficacy

43:49 Effortless Engagement and Motivation

52:52 Listening to Yourself

55:09 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections

Links

• Dr. Joel Anderson's Inaugural Lecture
• Joel's Home Page
• No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz PhD

Transcript

Introduction to the Conversation

I've got a treat for you today. Joel Anderson is a good friend of mine. He's a wonderful guy, brilliant philosopher. He's a professional academic philosopher, even. He's got a way of thinking things through in a way I truly admire. Every time we talk, I, I walk away feeling stimulated. I'm ready to write, uh, suddenly I'm seeing something in a new light.

We've been having these conversations in one way or another for over a decade now. Uh, and I thought, you know what, what if we just recorded one and shared it on a podcast? I have no idea whether you'll enjoy it as we do or not, but,

uh, it's, it's, it's cool. We sort of start slow and build up as things go on. Listening to it, I wonder if we've developed a sort of shorthand. This sort of thing happens. It's like any place or person where you've been hanging out or with for a while. Uh, things line up, you know, the organization of either physical or thought space just falls into this functional sort of place.

In any case, I thought it would be entertaining and I'd love to hear your feedback about it. If you're up for it, drop me a line at wander@rhythmsoffocus.com. That's W-A-N-D-E r@rhythmsoffocus.com.  

Joel Anderson's Background

I have a chair in moral psychology and social philosophy in the Ethics Institute, which is part of the Department of Philosophy and Religious Studies in the faculty of the humanities at Utrecht University. So that's the whole hierarchical layering of that.

That's the thing. Alright, cool.

Nested communities.

We've been chatting since, I was looking, I was trying to find the first email between us, and the earliest I found was 2014, but it looked like it was in the middle of a conversation.

Yeah, it always feels like that with you, that as whenever we pick it up, it feels like we're just in the middle of a conversation that's been going on for a while, so I

Totally, yeah. So anyway, thank you for being here. You're the first guest and, this is cool.

Well, just so everybody knows, I mean, I'm a huge fan, right? So for me, this is, quite an honor. Following all the things that you've been doing through the years, both in your therapeutic and psychiatric work. I work on, procrastination, research adjacent work that you've been doing, but then also just the tools that you've provided for people and advice on how to get the most out of DEVONthink, or especially OmniFocus.

So you're, you're a very generative and generous human being, and I very much appreciate that.

You are incredibly kind. Thank you.

Diving into Philosophical Concepts

One of the things that I really enjoy in our conversations is how stimulated I feel and that I feel like we really get into stuff . So, for, um, at the risk of, of going all inside baseball, you know, during this, this talk here, I, I'm totally fine with it. Um, because we might just jump in and dive in and talk about concepts and like, do we, how do we define it? How do we present it to the audience that Yeah. You know?

Right.

Know, and really I think, um, what are the times when we feel most alive? I mean, you put it in terms of play, right? I mean, for me, I'd, I think it's a big part of what drew me into philosophy. I. Exploring the possibilities of various words and concepts and ideas is, you know, just like what you're doing if you're noodling on the piano or trying to solve some or other people are trying to solve some problem or a creative endeavor, you've got this canvas and you're trying to figure out how can I represent something with the paint I've got. It's, um, it's this, it's this exhilaration that comes from seeing opportunities and being able to just give yourself over to that creative elaboration of what's going on there.

And I think conversation is, is, is, is a great context in which that happens.

Totally, totally. That discovery, I like that phrase, "give yourself over." Yeah. You know, that, that, that, that, um, um.

Exploring Agency and Play

One of the concepts that , we talk about is agency is one of the main, main things I get into and defining it as, um, uh, uh, being able to decide non reactively, um, or decide and engage non-reactively.

But in that idea of play and discovery and creativity and all that, that "give yourself over," it's like, do you suspend that? Do you like, do you, like, do you let that go? That part of you that has to like, that has to, uh, pause to decide Or then there was this other phrase that you, you'd said, I think the last time we spoke, which was age, "agentic play."

I'm like, oh, wow, that isn't that nice blend of, of ideas. And uh, but that just idea of like creating the space, right? So we're, we're trying to invite the muse, give ourself over, like be able to, to invite that, that that flow and um. And, and the job of the practice, the job of the work, the thing we do is, is we create the conditions for it and then, and then we become it.

Yeah.

Affordances and Environmental Design

I mean, there's this wonderful word that I love using for capturing some of this: "affordances," right? So affordances for thoughtful and intentional play, uh, or affordances for, for insight. I mean, it's got this notion of, um, an invitation. So it's, it's a bit of an odd use of the word affordance, but it was developed by very, uh, thoughtful, it's known as an ecological psychologist named Gibson. And, uh, this notion of an affordance is like a chair. You know, there are chairs that afford sitting, they just like invite you to sit in them. Yeah. Or you have a, a well designed. One of my favorite examples is, you know, you have, you have doors where you want to know, should I push or should I pull?

And a well-designed door is flat, has a flat panel on the side that you should push and has a handle on the side that you should pull . It in certain sense, it, it creates a, a almost a, it prepares you for an experience of flow. It signals to you what's to be done and, and invites you to engage in a certain way.

And I think, that contrast, we're all too familiar with, that contrast between a, uh, a, a situation, a, a work setting in which there's various tasks you need to complete that is aversive. And it's like everything feels like a barrier. There's, or there's things that they're pulling you in all kinds of directions.

And then there's those context in which. You, you kind of this alignment, uh, of what you need to do and what you want to do is kind of ready to hand there. It's just inviting you to take those next steps and, you know, and that's, that's what you're doing in all these different, uh, in all the work you do with like, whether it's, you know, setting up a to-do list in such a way that when you get to the to-do list, you're not suddenly confronted with raw panic of where do I even start?

Mm. But that it's a manageable kind of welcoming space in which to exercise your, uh, your agentic freedom. You're, uh, uh, your, yeah, your agency.

I love that phrase, affordance. You'd, um. I remember we played around with those ideas like that, and I think you'd even had at one point, I don't remember this, but you'd,

I think it was a paper you'd written or something

where you had like seven Yeah, it was my, my inaugural, yeah, my inaugural address.

What we make a, we can make a link, make a link available to that. I mean, I don't know if people wanna see some pomp and circumstance, uh, of...]]>In this extended episode, professional philosopher Dr. Joel Anderson engages in a deep and stimulating conversation about Wandering Minds, ADHD, and Beyond with our host Dr. Kourosh Dini.

Discussing philosophical and practical issues around agency, procrastination, and the balance between forcing oneself and creating affording conditions, they explore the concept of 'agentic play,' the importance of creating environments that invite rather than coerce, and the role of emotions in the effort to engage with tasks meaningfully.

They question the differences between motivation, effort, and naturally flowing engagement, and consider the implications of removing distractions and setting guiding conditions in a caring manner. The episode ends with reflections on how these philosophical dialogues can shift one's approach to work and life.

00:00 Introduction to the Conversation

02:33 Joel Anderson's Background

03:48 Diving into Philosophical Concepts

05:01 Exploring Agency and Play

05:48 Affordances and Environmental Design

10:08 Self-Binding Strategies and Productivity

17:59 Emotional Work and Hard Labor

21:11 Navigating Procrastination and Effort

30:21 Meeting Tension with Care

30:43 Hierarchical Set of Binds

32:50 Facing the Fog of Tasks

35:40 Building Trust and Self-Efficacy

43:49 Effortless Engagement and Motivation

52:52 Listening to Yourself

55:09 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections

Links

• Dr. Joel Anderson's Inaugural Lecture
• Joel's Home Page
• No Bad Parts - Richard Schwartz PhD

Transcript

Introduction to the Conversation

I've got a treat for you today. Joel Anderson is a good friend of mine. He's a wonderful guy, brilliant philosopher. He's a professional academic philosopher, even. He's got a way of thinking things through in a way I truly admire. Every time we talk, I, I walk away feeling stimulated. I'm ready to write, uh, suddenly I'm seeing something in a new light.

We've been having these conversations in one way or another for over a decade now. Uh, and I thought, you know what, what if we just recorded one and shared it on a podcast? I have no idea whether you'll enjoy it as we do or not, but,

uh, it's, it's, it's cool. We sort of start slow and build up as things go on. Listening to it, I wonder if we've developed a sort of shorthand. This sort of thing happens. It's like any place or person where you've been hanging out or with for a while. Uh, things line up, you know, the organization of either physical or thought space just falls into this functional sort of place.

In any case, I thought it would be entertaining and I'd love to hear your feedback about it. If you're up for it, drop me a line at wander@rhythmsoffocus.com. That's W-A-N-D-E r@rhythmsoffocus.com.  

Joel Anderson's Background

I have a chair in moral psychology and social philosophy in the Ethics Institute, which is part of the Department of Philosophy and Religious Studies in the faculty of the humanities at Utrecht University. So that's the whole hierarchical layering of that.

That's the thing. Alright, cool.

Nested communities.

We've been chatting since, I was looking, I was trying to find the first email between us, and the earliest I found was 2014, but it looked like it was in the middle of a conversation.

Yeah, it always feels like that with you, that as whenever we pick it up, it feels like we're just in the middle of a conversation that's been going on for a while, so I

Totally, yeah. So anyway, thank you for being here. You're the first guest and, this is cool.

Well, just so everybody knows, I mean, I'm a huge fan, right? So for me, this is, quite an honor. Following all the things that you've been doing through the years, both in your therapeutic and psychiatric work. I work on, procrastination, research adjacent work that you've been doing, but then also just the tools that you've provided for people and advice on how to get the most out of DEVONthink, or especially OmniFocus.

So you're, you're a very generative and generous human being, and I very much appreciate that.

You are incredibly kind. Thank you.

Diving into Philosophical Concepts

One of the things that I really enjoy in our conversations is how stimulated I feel and that I feel like we really get into stuff . So, for, um, at the risk of, of going all inside baseball, you know, during this, this talk here, I, I'm totally fine with it. Um, because we might just jump in and dive in and talk about concepts and like, do we, how do we define it? How do we present it to the audience that Yeah. You know?

Right.

Know, and really I think, um, what are the times when we feel most alive? I mean, you put it in terms of play, right? I mean, for me, I'd, I think it's a big part of what drew me into philosophy. I. Exploring the possibilities of various words and concepts and ideas is, you know, just like what you're doing if you're noodling on the piano or trying to solve some or other people are trying to solve some problem or a creative endeavor, you've got this canvas and you're trying to figure out how can I represent something with the paint I've got. It's, um, it's this, it's this exhilaration that comes from seeing opportunities and being able to just give yourself over to that creative elaboration of what's going on there.

And I think conversation is, is, is, is a great context in which that happens.

Totally, totally. That discovery, I like that phrase, "give yourself over." Yeah. You know, that, that, that, that, um, um.

Exploring Agency and Play

One of the concepts that , we talk about is agency is one of the main, main things I get into and defining it as, um, uh, uh, being able to decide non reactively, um, or decide and engage non-reactively.

But in that idea of play and discovery and creativity and all that, that "give yourself over," it's like, do you suspend that? Do you like, do you, like, do you let that go? That part of you that has to like, that has to, uh, pause to decide Or then there was this other phrase that you, you'd said, I think the last time we spoke, which was age, "agentic play."

I'm like, oh, wow, that isn't that nice blend of, of ideas. And uh, but that just idea of like creating the space, right? So we're, we're trying to invite the muse, give ourself over, like be able to, to invite that, that that flow and um. And, and the job of the practice, the job of the work, the thing we do is, is we create the conditions for it and then, and then we become it.

Yeah.

Affordances and Environmental Design

I mean, there's this wonderful word that I love using for capturing some of this: "affordances," right? So affordances for thoughtful and intentional play, uh, or affordances for, for insight. I mean, it's got this notion of, um, an invitation. So it's, it's a bit of an odd use of the word affordance, but it was developed by very, uh, thoughtful, it's known as an ecological psychologist named Gibson. And, uh, this notion of an affordance is like a chair. You know, there are chairs that afford sitting, they just like invite you to sit in them. Yeah. Or you have a, a well designed. One of my favorite examples is, you know, you have, you have doors where you want to know, should I push or should I pull?

And a well-designed door is flat, has a flat panel on the side that you should push and has a handle on the side that you should pull . It in certain sense, it, it creates a, a almost a, it prepares you for an experience of flow. It signals to you what's to be done and, and invites you to engage in a certain way.

And I think, that contrast, we're all too familiar with, that contrast between a, uh, a, a situation, a, a work setting in which there's various tasks you need to complete that is aversive. And it's like everything feels like a barrier. There's, or there's things that they're pulling you in all kinds of directions.

And then there's those context in which. You, you kind of this alignment, uh, of what you need to do and what you want to do is kind of ready to hand there. It's just inviting you to take those next steps and, you know, and that's, that's what you're doing in all these different, uh, in all the work you do with like, whether it's, you know, setting up a to-do list in such a way that when you get to the to-do list, you're not suddenly confronted with raw panic of where do I even start?

Mm. But that it's a manageable kind of welcoming space in which to exercise your, uh, your agentic freedom. You're, uh, uh, your, yeah, your agency.

I love that phrase, affordance. You'd, um. I remember we played around with those ideas like that, and I think you'd even had at one point, I don't remember this, but you'd,

I think it was a paper you'd written or something

where you had like seven Yeah, it was my, my inaugural, yeah, my inaugural address.

What we make a, we can make a link, make a link available to that. I mean, I don't know if people wanna see some pomp and circumstance, uh, of a, of a Dutch , formal lecture. So I have this, I mean, I, 'cause I just love playing with these different images. I heard you actually using Trellis. We had a long discussion of the use of scaffolding trellis.

Um, and uh, and I think of kind of affordances as another species of that, of that genus, right? Mm-hmm. So these are ways in which our environment is structured so as to be supportive of our agency.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, when we look at, for example, you know. The to-do list you bring up, you know, like there's, it, it's so easy to be repulsed by it.

It's so easy to look at it because it's been written by someone else. It's been written by past self, it's been written by, right. Who was that jerk? Right, exactly. And, uh, and, and then, you know, that easily touches off the part of us that's like, I haven't been able to follow through on the things I've asked myself to do.

You know? Yeah. And, and, and, and past self may have, you know, punted to, to our current self, uh, because for whatever reason they didn't feel like it, or they, or they made the, a very clear decision at that time. This is the thing and everything else has to wait. Whatever it is. But then that's where I think it's, it's, um, it started to transform for me.

So I, I, I think you're right that I, I started very much with the trellis. I still have that, that or, and the affordances. And how do we, I. You know, make it so that we can not have to think. So that to, in terms of getting into the flow to, to smooth that process, but then realizing that, uh, we do have to think in terms of, um, uh, we are, we are a unique person right now.

Whoever we were 10 minutes ago, 10 years ago Yeah. Is, is a different person. And, and we can set ourselves up relatively well. Um, and, and we can even stumble into like an inspiring amount of friction based on what they've, they've presented. But things change. Everything changes. And that's just, you know, that's, isn't that the ever.

The ever thing that things change,

but Yeah. But, but,

Self-Binding Strategies and Productivity

and it, but it comes, it, it comes back to your contrast with, um, more force based approaches, uh, as well. I mean, one thing that, one strategy that we can use when we're subject to temptations having trouble focused, getting pulled in all sorts of directions, is, um, uh, we can bind ourselves to the mast, right?

This is the, this is the story from the mythology of Odysseus who is gonna be passing. He needed to guide his ship past the sirens of Kalis and, and, uh, Cheribdus and, and, um. And he knew that if he, uh, he wanted to hear the song, but if he knew, if he were, if he were, were listening, he would order his, uh, his crew to head towards the cliffs and, and like many ships before him would've been, would've been destroyed.

So you have these, these, these efforts at self binding where you have a commitment mechanism, you lock yourself in. He had his crew tie him up so that he could listen to the song, but wouldn't be, wouldn't be tempted. And then, you know, once you're past the period of temptation, you let go. Um, so there are all these, there are all these kinds of kinds of mechanisms.

One of my favorite ones is people who have shopping addictions. Um, I mean, it used to be the case that if you didn't have the actual physical credit card, you couldn't go shopping. And so if you froze a credit card in a block of ice, I. Would, it would take like an hour or two to let it melt again. To be able to use it without, without having to, uh, you know, without risking damaging it.

Or there are people who will take the router of their internet, uh, their wifi at home and they'll mail it to themselves. So they have to wait for the delivery of that to come back. So there are all these ways that are, that are, there are forced strategies, right. They're, they're, you're being coercive toward yourself.

Yeah.

And I, I mean, I think one of the things that really resonates with a lot of what you say is we should be really careful about reaching too quickly for those kinds of strategies. 'cause they're, you're really doing, you're, you're relating to yourself in a mode of, of coercion force.

Hmm.

You're kind of doing, you know, you're.

You're not respectful of your own need for freedom and choice and autonomy. And sometimes frankly, we, you know, we're in a really bad way and we need that, you know? Mm-hmm. Maybe if that's gonna be the thing that, that, that, that, that turns things around for you, then that's a, that's a strategy. But I think it's, um, it's a strategy.

We should be, we should be keen to avoid if we relying on, if we can, right? If, 'cause we, we rely on that too quickly, then we get into these relations of, you know, as you, as you, you've talked about in a number of these podcast episodes already, we're then trapped in that mode of using force to get things done instead of creating these affordances, these spaces, these invitations to the exercise of agency.

All right. . Now here's my, here, let me, let me throw out a, uh, devil's advocate type of thing. I don't know. Good. The, the, the. So I, I'm trying to think through the idea of force, right? So that we have, you know, uh, you know, I have to start, um, yeah. Or, um, uh, waiting for a deadline or shaming ourselves.

I often , put it in the context of emotion, like the sort of negative emotion, right? All right. So freezing the credit card. What a neat idea. I never thought of that. So you, or, or the mailing, the router. So either one of those, is that binding to the mast I, I, I, I, I hear what you're saying, but could that be, how is that different than, let's say, turning off notifications to focus?

Right. Um, I want to, I wanna read a book. I wanna read a physical book. The internet is right there. So I'm gonna take that router and mail it to myself and that'll force me to, or at least it won't force me to read the book, but it'll, it'll remove an option deliberately. Um, and I'll be more inclined to read the book.

I might, I might also be more inclined to do many other things too, but, but yeah. Uh, it'll, it'll be one of the guides that'll start. So I guess the question I'm asking is, that's great. What's, what's distinguishing that as a force or as a, uh, as, as creating an affordance of sorts, a limitation that would help me engage in something I'm intending to do?

No, that's really, that's really good Kourosh. 'cause I think, I mean, you're right that from one perspective, you could look at all of these things as just a matter of reducing the number of temptations we're exposed to, right? So why isn't that just, you know, all of a piece with kind of setting up your environment?

And so I think at some level you're right, but my, my sense is that we do want to draw a distinction between those ways in which we are as it were indirectly steering ourselves, those ways of doing that, that are kind of coercive and manipulative. Yeah. And those, those ways of doing that, that are just, you know, it's kind of like the care of the future self and, you know, uh, curating an environment that's supportive of yourself.

Right. And so it's like, when is, when is something, when is something a helpful kick in the kick in the rump mm-hmm. Um, to nudge you along? And when is it abusive? When is something like a, a kind of patronizing form of paternalistic intervention? And when is it just giving good advice? So I think this is, you know, I'm, I'm not, I'm not trying to just split hairs here, but I think this is, in one way, this is describing the challenge of finding the appropriate ways of, of dealing with our, our shortcomings, our tension, our our, our temp, our giving into temptation, uh, and so on.

And I don't think, I don't think there's like, I don't think like if you're using the computer somehow it's in a different category. 'cause all of these tools can be used in more manipulative or more supportive ways. But I just, I just wanna underscore this idea, which I think aligns with what you're saying about the contrast between, um, play and visit on the one hand and like force and shame on on the other, on the other side.

It, it aligns with that to say there are ways of relating to ourselves that might increase our productivity. But at the cost of treating ourselves, manipulatively and with and without self-respect.

Um, okay. A couple of thoughts. First, splitting hairs is fun, so let's go ahead. I hope the listeners, I hope the listeners can, uh, can split along with us.

Yeah. Uh, uh, second note to your point of, um, I, there there is very much that thread I think that has been out there, that's been, that has been subtly called and sometimes quite overtly called about like a meaningless productivity, you know, a productivity that's, you know, just, um, kind of empty. Kind of empty, yeah.

Yeah. Um, or, or the productivity for productivity's sake. Um, where, where, or, or, I think the, the best way I I'd heard it was when, um, someone I'd, I'd been talking to described it as, I'm, I'm, I get nauseous when I hear. X or y person, you know, like that, that, that their way of approaching it and there's something revolting, there's something that happens that, um, that I think it touches on that, that feeling of you just need to force yourself more, uh, you need to work harder, you need to it.

And these words are not well defined in themselves. So,...]]>fde5c6c6-6fb4-4fed-87e4-20a1788f2c13Thu, 26 Jun 2025 14:00:00 -050057:18falsefull11111110. Calm Focus, Not Crisis: Reimagining Productivity for ADHDEver notice how your focus sharpens right before a looming deadline, as if the ticking clock finally sweeps away distraction? This episode of *Rhythms of Focus* dives beneath that familiar surge, exploring why urgency can both ignite and exhaust wandering minds—especially for adults with ADHD.

Join me as we untangle the hidden costs of deadline-driven focus and discover a gentler path: one where agency, rhythm, and self-compassion replace force and burnout. You’ll learn how to trade the chronic anxiety of “last-minute mode” for a kinder, more sustainable rhythm of engagement—one that honors both your creative energy and your need for rest.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why the “deadline rush” feels so compelling—and so draining
• How force-based focus erodes self-trust and agency
• A practical, visit-based approach to build momentum without pressure

Three actionable takeaways:

• Try a daily “visit” to your project: just show up, take a breath, and mark it done—no pressure to finish
• Use simple tools (a calendar, habit tracker, or even a scrap of paper) to gently anchor your attention
• Reframe deadlines as prompts for reality, not engines of anxiety—allowing your focus to flow with less self-judgment

This episode also features an original piano composition, “Dandelion Wine”—a musical invitation to warmth, presence, and gentle growth.

Subscribe for more mindful strategies, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com/visit for your free guide to building a rhythm that works with your wandering mind.

Links

• Your First Step to Breaking Free from Force Based Work (free PDF with signup)
• Rhythms of Focus - Episode 4
• Rhythms of Focus - Episode 9

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #FocusRhythm #GentleHabits #VisitBased #SelfCompassion #CreativeFocus #DeadlineAnxiety

Transcript

The Night Before and The Deadline Sharpens Focus

Picture this. It's the night before a big project is due. Your mind starts to feel sharper. Distractions fade. You're finally able to focus, powered by the pressure of this ticking clock. For many with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond, this last minute surge is all too familiar.

So what's going on under the surface? Join me on this episode of Rhythms of Focus as we consider reasons in the costs of deadline driven work and maybe find a kinder approach to making things happen that hopefully leaves you with a calmer sense of focus.

Force vs. Flow: The Hidden Costs of Pushing Yourself to Focus

When we can't seem to get ourselves to do things, whatever those things are, we often resort to some form of force. And there's several means of force.

One of them we've already looked at in episode six, which is the moral approach. This is where we can tell ourselves to "try harder" or shame ourselves among other possibilities.

Another method, many use, is to leverage deadlines. As we go through our lives, we lose things, forget things, have trouble starting and stopping and more. Often this leads to feelings of guilt and shame. Every attempt and injury worsens our wounds and the world becomes that much more dangerous.

It's difficult to know where danger is, but it always seems to be there. Having got ourselves into trouble many times over throughout our lives.

So, we're always on the hunt for danger, sometimes believing or even finding ourselves to be the source. We can wonder,

"What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? What can I do now that would hold off the most problems?"

Fight, Flight, or Freeze: How Urgency Hijacks the Wandering Mind

Another name for this is fight or flight. Activated by the sympathetic nervous system, fight flight, and you could also add freeze, is usually a state of mind and body that comes and goes, engaging us as we need to survive .

It's a state in which we might feel charged. We can often leverage this hoping that this danger feeling can be an anchor. This is where the deadline steps in. Very often those with wandering minds say,

"I need a deadline to work!"

A deadline gives us that handle on the danger that we need. It says, "I finally know what's dangerous!" And we can keep it in front of ourselves as this buoy of reality, not daring to let it go. As painful as it is, it can provide the sense of relief. "It's finally something I know to focus on!" Sometimes I'll hear it described as "an excuse to focus." We can let other things fall away because this is the most important thing.

When we depend on a deadline, we depend on this fight- or- flight sense, this strong, powerful emotion. That emotion is what makes it feel real.

When we ask a teacher, "when will I use this?" It's not necessarily because we're being smart asses. It's that we need something to feel real.

In other words, I'm not so certain that we depend on the deadline itself. I think it's more this deep emotion, this stimulation that has something feel real and alive. It makes sense. There's an intensity to it, and sometimes it gives us enough stimulation to get going.

The Double-Edged Sword of Deadlines: Relief and Burnout

unfortunately, a deadline is also a dreaded and painful master to work for. Demanding and uncaring about the inevitable other things that life throws our way. Whether we get sick or three other deadlines suddenly appear to demand our time, it doesn't matter. The deadline consumes our time and attention now and rarely cares about anything else in our lives, let alone the sense that it's hard to gauge how much time it might take to do a thing, and so our work becomes compressed, tense.

Still, if it's the only thing that we've managed to make work, maybe it's better than nothing?

But now because we sense danger as ever present, or if it's not there, we're looking for it- we're essentially leaving the fight or flight switch in a chronically on position. We've in fact, created a system that is dependent on anxiety. For example,

when you say,

"I'm fine, I don't need to think about this right now because it's not due yet."

All we're doing is applying a brake to the fuel of anxiety. Anxiety is the center. It's waiting for something to overwhelm the sense of, "I'm fine" to tip over into, "I'm not fine" to tell you when to start.

From chronically being in this fight or flight state, further hindered by the wandering mind and its own tendencies, we can cycle then between this deep frenzied work and then exhaustion and scatter.

The Agency Injury: Why Force-Based Focus Erodes Self-Trust

Continued attempts to force focus often lead to this painful exhaustion and injury to our sense of agency, as I described in episode nine. Because it's painful and exhausting, our body adapts defenses. We need to find relief somewhere. It's not just that we seek relief, it's that our bodies may even force us into a state of relief.

Out of energy, our bodies seek some form of recovery almost regardless of our will. Unfortunately, like many psychological defenses, that type of recovery is not always beneficial. Nor is it always conscious.

The crash into the couch waiting for the next deadline is barely a rest.

Takeaway: Trading Urgency for Reality—A Kinder Rhythm of Focus

But I do believe there's a better way, and let me give you this takeaway to consider here. You might look at relying on deadlines then as this source of urgency to get things done. But as I mentioned, it leaves us in this chronic state of anxiety and self-doubt. But if we instead look at it not about urgency so much as it is about craving reality, this powerful stimulant, we can then maybe leverage a rhythm of focus, regular visits and recognize the compounding possibilities that that may give us.

Okay. What does that look like? How would you do that?

The Daily Visit: Building Gentle Momentum Without Pressure

So one tool you might want to use to do this is something like a habit tracker or some app that has a repeating task to it or something like that. It could be a simple piece of paper if you want. It could be a calendar where you mark a little X next to it, something that just marks the day.

Now, consider some project or task in your world, preferably something with even a far off due date, something you'd barely even start thinking about in the moment because you don't feel that pressure or urgency, at least not yet.

With these in hand, this thing that you can mark daily and the project or idea that you'd like to get into, make a visit sometime today to that thing. If you'd like to review the idea of a visit, consider episode four.

Put the materials of the project in front of you or go to it, and while you're there, take a single deep breath. You can respect your sense of agency, knowing you don't have to do any of it beyond that single deep breath. Whether you do nothing, maybe nudge it forward a tiny bit or even do a bunch, whatever it is, you can set it aside anytime that makes sense to you.

At that point, decide if you'd like to invite future you to do the same thing again tomorrow, where once again, you won't have to do a thing if you decide not to at that time.

At that moment, step away. Whether you've done a little, whether you've done a lot, whether you've done nothing beyond that single deep breath, you can mark it complete...]]>Ever notice how your focus sharpens right before a looming deadline, as if the ticking clock finally sweeps away distraction? This episode of *Rhythms of Focus* dives beneath that familiar surge, exploring why urgency can both ignite and exhaust wandering minds—especially for adults with ADHD.

Join me as we untangle the hidden costs of deadline-driven focus and discover a gentler path: one where agency, rhythm, and self-compassion replace force and burnout. You’ll learn how to trade the chronic anxiety of “last-minute mode” for a kinder, more sustainable rhythm of engagement—one that honors both your creative energy and your need for rest.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why the “deadline rush” feels so compelling—and so draining
• How force-based focus erodes self-trust and agency
• A practical, visit-based approach to build momentum without pressure

Three actionable takeaways:

• Try a daily “visit” to your project: just show up, take a breath, and mark it done—no pressure to finish
• Use simple tools (a calendar, habit tracker, or even a scrap of paper) to gently anchor your attention
• Reframe deadlines as prompts for reality, not engines of anxiety—allowing your focus to flow with less self-judgment

This episode also features an original piano composition, “Dandelion Wine”—a musical invitation to warmth, presence, and gentle growth.

Subscribe for more mindful strategies, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com/visit for your free guide to building a rhythm that works with your wandering mind.

Links

• Your First Step to Breaking Free from Force Based Work (free PDF with signup)
• Rhythms of Focus - Episode 4
• Rhythms of Focus - Episode 9

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #FocusRhythm #GentleHabits #VisitBased #SelfCompassion #CreativeFocus #DeadlineAnxiety

Transcript

The Night Before and The Deadline Sharpens Focus

Picture this. It's the night before a big project is due. Your mind starts to feel sharper. Distractions fade. You're finally able to focus, powered by the pressure of this ticking clock. For many with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond, this last minute surge is all too familiar.

So what's going on under the surface? Join me on this episode of Rhythms of Focus as we consider reasons in the costs of deadline driven work and maybe find a kinder approach to making things happen that hopefully leaves you with a calmer sense of focus.

Force vs. Flow: The Hidden Costs of Pushing Yourself to Focus

When we can't seem to get ourselves to do things, whatever those things are, we often resort to some form of force. And there's several means of force.

One of them we've already looked at in episode six, which is the moral approach. This is where we can tell ourselves to "try harder" or shame ourselves among other possibilities.

Another method, many use, is to leverage deadlines. As we go through our lives, we lose things, forget things, have trouble starting and stopping and more. Often this leads to feelings of guilt and shame. Every attempt and injury worsens our wounds and the world becomes that much more dangerous.

It's difficult to know where danger is, but it always seems to be there. Having got ourselves into trouble many times over throughout our lives.

So, we're always on the hunt for danger, sometimes believing or even finding ourselves to be the source. We can wonder,

"What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? What can I do now that would hold off the most problems?"

Fight, Flight, or Freeze: How Urgency Hijacks the Wandering Mind

Another name for this is fight or flight. Activated by the sympathetic nervous system, fight flight, and you could also add freeze, is usually a state of mind and body that comes and goes, engaging us as we need to survive .

It's a state in which we might feel charged. We can often leverage this hoping that this danger feeling can be an anchor. This is where the deadline steps in. Very often those with wandering minds say,

"I need a deadline to work!"

A deadline gives us that handle on the danger that we need. It says, "I finally know what's dangerous!" And we can keep it in front of ourselves as this buoy of reality, not daring to let it go. As painful as it is, it can provide the sense of relief. "It's finally something I know to focus on!" Sometimes I'll hear it described as "an excuse to focus." We can let other things fall away because this is the most important thing.

When we depend on a deadline, we depend on this fight- or- flight sense, this strong, powerful emotion. That emotion is what makes it feel real.

When we ask a teacher, "when will I use this?" It's not necessarily because we're being smart asses. It's that we need something to feel real.

In other words, I'm not so certain that we depend on the deadline itself. I think it's more this deep emotion, this stimulation that has something feel real and alive. It makes sense. There's an intensity to it, and sometimes it gives us enough stimulation to get going.

The Double-Edged Sword of Deadlines: Relief and Burnout

unfortunately, a deadline is also a dreaded and painful master to work for. Demanding and uncaring about the inevitable other things that life throws our way. Whether we get sick or three other deadlines suddenly appear to demand our time, it doesn't matter. The deadline consumes our time and attention now and rarely cares about anything else in our lives, let alone the sense that it's hard to gauge how much time it might take to do a thing, and so our work becomes compressed, tense.

Still, if it's the only thing that we've managed to make work, maybe it's better than nothing?

But now because we sense danger as ever present, or if it's not there, we're looking for it- we're essentially leaving the fight or flight switch in a chronically on position. We've in fact, created a system that is dependent on anxiety. For example,

when you say,

"I'm fine, I don't need to think about this right now because it's not due yet."

All we're doing is applying a brake to the fuel of anxiety. Anxiety is the center. It's waiting for something to overwhelm the sense of, "I'm fine" to tip over into, "I'm not fine" to tell you when to start.

From chronically being in this fight or flight state, further hindered by the wandering mind and its own tendencies, we can cycle then between this deep frenzied work and then exhaustion and scatter.

The Agency Injury: Why Force-Based Focus Erodes Self-Trust

Continued attempts to force focus often lead to this painful exhaustion and injury to our sense of agency, as I described in episode nine. Because it's painful and exhausting, our body adapts defenses. We need to find relief somewhere. It's not just that we seek relief, it's that our bodies may even force us into a state of relief.

Out of energy, our bodies seek some form of recovery almost regardless of our will. Unfortunately, like many psychological defenses, that type of recovery is not always beneficial. Nor is it always conscious.

The crash into the couch waiting for the next deadline is barely a rest.

Takeaway: Trading Urgency for Reality—A Kinder Rhythm of Focus

But I do believe there's a better way, and let me give you this takeaway to consider here. You might look at relying on deadlines then as this source of urgency to get things done. But as I mentioned, it leaves us in this chronic state of anxiety and self-doubt. But if we instead look at it not about urgency so much as it is about craving reality, this powerful stimulant, we can then maybe leverage a rhythm of focus, regular visits and recognize the compounding possibilities that that may give us.

Okay. What does that look like? How would you do that?

The Daily Visit: Building Gentle Momentum Without Pressure

So one tool you might want to use to do this is something like a habit tracker or some app that has a repeating task to it or something like that. It could be a simple piece of paper if you want. It could be a calendar where you mark a little X next to it, something that just marks the day.

Now, consider some project or task in your world, preferably something with even a far off due date, something you'd barely even start thinking about in the moment because you don't feel that pressure or urgency, at least not yet.

With these in hand, this thing that you can mark daily and the project or idea that you'd like to get into, make a visit sometime today to that thing. If you'd like to review the idea of a visit, consider episode four.

Put the materials of the project in front of you or go to it, and while you're there, take a single deep breath. You can respect your sense of agency, knowing you don't have to do any of it beyond that single deep breath. Whether you do nothing, maybe nudge it forward a tiny bit or even do a bunch, whatever it is, you can set it aside anytime that makes sense to you.

At that point, decide if you'd like to invite future you to do the same thing again tomorrow, where once again, you won't have to do a thing if you decide not to at that time.

At that moment, step away. Whether you've done a little, whether you've done a lot, whether you've done nothing beyond that single deep breath, you can mark it complete on that piece of paper or on that app.

If you can do this, and maybe that's a big if, but if you can do this, not only do I believe that you'd vastly improve your chances of getting something done well ahead of time and even with better quality than it would've been otherwise. You also start to connect with the realities and nuances within the work without the blaring urgency drowning it all out.

You will have created and engaged a rhythm of focus.

If you'd like a PDF to guide you through this, even show you how to set it up with a simple reminder app, head over to RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit. So "rhythms" is plural and "rhythm" starts with RHY RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit. You can enter your email address on there somewhere. You'll sign up for the Weekly Wind Down newsletter. Wonderful newsletter. If I do say so myself, and you'll get this free PDF that'll walk you through it.

Dandelion Wine

Passion can be a powerful organizing force for a wandering mind. A daily visit to something that we find to be meaningful within us helps us connect with those feelings of reality. I remember reading years ago a copy of Ray Bradbury's book called Dandelion Wine.

I remember nothing about it other than this emotional sense of warmth. The phrase putting on a comfortable pair of old gym shoes comes to mind. The following piece is called Dandelion Wine, named after the book.

Music tends to be this nuanced language when it comes to convey the feeling that I remember of that book. It's in B Flat major six eight time. I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

For adults with ADHD and wandering minds, agency is the skill of deciding and engaging non-reactively, even when emotions or distractions surge like waves. Instead of forcing yourself forward, you’ll discover how to nurture a sense of agency that honors your rhythms and restores trust in your own choices.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why agency—not force—is the missing ingredient for meaningful productivity and self-trust
• How to move from shame-based or deadline-driven habits to a visit-based approach that supports your creative mind
• Practical ways to pause, sense your options, and make decisions that feel true to you

Key takeaways

• Practice “visits” instead of forcing action, building agency one gentle step at a time
• Use mindful pauses to transform overwhelm into clarity and choice
• Reframe “I don’t wanna” moments as signals to honor your agency, not shame yourself

Enjoy an original piano composition, Wind at Play, highlighting the practice between play and agency.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more resources, support, and inspiration designed for creative, wandering minds.

Keywords

#ADHD, #WanderingMinds, #agency, #gentleproductivity, #mindfulfocus, #visitbasedproductivity, #selftrust, #creativity, #selfcompassion, #rhythmsoffocus

Links

• Episode S01E04 - From Force to Flow with a Visit
• Episode S01E07 - Cautions of Dopamine and a Lean into Mastery
• “I just don’t wanna” and the Power of a Visit - Neurodivergent Insights
• What’s the Difference Between PDA and Demand Avoidance? - Neurodivergent Insights

Transcript

"I just don't wanna,"

it's a familiar refrain for those with wandering minds. So what do we do when we just don't wanna.

 Agency, Not Force, Unlocks Gentle Productivity

You may well know that once you're in it, you're good to go, but getting there can be terribly difficult. Yelling, "just start" hardly works. And when it does, it carries this host of troubles.

In earlier episodes, I talked about dopamine and the "interest-based nervous system" as it's been called, and how we might use these ideas against ourselves to say that we need some chemical or preexisting emotion to get to work. We adopt a sense that we cannot work by our own will.

But I did also hint at a third point of view.

We often focus on attention. For example, one type of wandering mind often carries such a diagnosis. ADHD. It's right there in the title, right? Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder. And there's even the inattentive type where we say that is the main focus.

But what's profoundly missing from the title and other wandering minds, such as the anxious, the creative, the absent-minded, and the like, is the sense of agency.

Now, what is that? It sounds simple. Maybe boring. Why bother with such an abstract idea? What does agency have to do with anything?

This central idea is a pillar to everything I write about, how I function as a psychoanalyst, and how I function as a teacher.

If you want to know the secret to what makes me stand out as a productivity talking head, I believe it comes from this focus on supporting our sense of agency and not about doing things.

So I hope you'll indulge me for a moment as we take this concept apart because I strongly believe that this not so simple skill is a trellis that supports so much, if not all, meaningful growth.

Deciding Without Drama: The Skill of Agency

Now, what do I mean by agency? Here's the definition.

Agency is the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactivity.

Let me repeat that definition: agency is the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactivity.

Alright, so let's take that apart and see what we get. Hopefully. I'll be able to convey what is so vital about this.

When I use the phrase "non-reactive", that's the end of the sentence there, that deciding and engage non-reactively, it means that we can sense our world within us, that emotional, thoughtful world without being swept away.

It is far too easy and maybe even the default to be carried by these waves. When we catch ourselves in the middle of an email, not realizing how we even got there, we're reactive. When we worry and can't decide on something, we're reactive to that worry. When we flip off that person that almost ran us off the road, were reactive to that anger.

Our interests, wants, needs, impulses, worries, and cares- they all touch, wash over, if not crash into us as waves. But when we can sense these emotions, these feelings, these thoughts to whatever degree we can and begin seeing them as information, we start to recognize the options they represent. Hearing that information, these messengers from within, were much more likely to engage from a place of meaning rather than one of reaction.

As such, we can now decide from the options they give us, connecting to whatever we find most meaningful in that moment.

And from this point, we can begin to engage. Here, the decision starts to take shape. We begin closing, collapsing the cloud of possibilities that once had been perhaps mourning the fantasies of what could have been.

From this non-reactive space, we can deliberately choose our next path, whether that's about deciding to have a cup of tea instead of diving into cleaning the closet, or planning out the next quarter's business plans.

In that nameless space where we form our options from our experience, non-reactively, we act with our greatest clarity.

Agency Is a Practice, Not a Trait

The beauty of agency is that it's a skill, something we can nurture and strengthen over time. Every time we notice a wave and choose a response, we're practicing agency. It's like a musician learning a new piece. We improve not by perfection, but by returning to the practice again and again.

And of course we all get swept away from time to time. That's not failure. It's part of being human. But every time we can catch ourselves or we can notice and realize we have a choice, we strengthen our skill.

A Simple Example

As a simple example, I'm writing and I notice this message alert at the top of my screen.

"Oh, hey, message from someone I've been waiting for,"

so I click it.

"Maybe I could just take care of that real quick."

And somewhere on the way to that message, maybe even as I'm writing it, there's this brief flicker of awareness that comes to mind.

"I'm wandering,"

I may not even remember where I'd wandered from, but in that skill, that pause, that's where I can start to sense my options.

"Oh, I'm writing a message here, but I have this vague feeling that I was just doing something else. Oh wait, I was writing."

And then maybe I feel a disappointment that I even wandered off, or maybe I feel an excitement for what I'm about to write to the friend of mine.

And maybe a thought about being thirsty comes to mind too.

And while I'm waiting in that pause, I wonder how I drifted from writing. It's not just distractibility, it's that I hit a wall of confusion while I was writing. I didn't know what to write. I didn't know the order.

"Oh no, people are gonna think that I'm full of it, and I don't know what I'm talking about."

That message that showed up in the corner of my screen gave me a way out. And my magnified mind, the small work table from which I can work, can easily have its contents knocked aside.

It's not just distractibility, it's that the emotions as they are, are huge. And they flash past quickly.

But as I paused, I thought,

"You know, if I can sit with that confusion in the writing, I often can find a path forward discover something useful and interesting along the way.

The work is to be with it.

I bring the document back, and I leave it in front of me as I wait there, seeing what comes to mind, maybe starting to nudge something forward.

That decision came from heightened agency that came from an acknowledgement of my world within which came from consideration, which ultimately, came from the birthplace of it all: a pause, the simplest and most difficult of any form of meaningful productivity.

A Skill to Practice

But because this is a skill means we can practice. It is something we can get better at.

Behind this practice of agency is the agent itself .

Some of the neuropsycho analytic community, for example, might argue that the purpose of consciousness itself is decision agency.

We might wonder whether we have free will or if everything's determined. But rather than view things through this dichotomy, what if we instead focused on this sense of our ability to make a decision non-reactively something we can practice and then have more or less of.

Agency and the Wandering Mind

Now, when it comes to a wandering mind, we often struggle. We lose things, we drop things, we lock ourselves...]]>Feeling trapped by rigid productivity hacks or the pressure to “just start”? This episode of Rhythms of Focus invites you to reimagine focus—not as a battle of willpower, but as a gentle practice of agency.

For adults with ADHD and wandering minds, agency is the skill of deciding and engaging non-reactively, even when emotions or distractions surge like waves. Instead of forcing yourself forward, you’ll discover how to nurture a sense of agency that honors your rhythms and restores trust in your own choices.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why agency—not force—is the missing ingredient for meaningful productivity and self-trust
• How to move from shame-based or deadline-driven habits to a visit-based approach that supports your creative mind
• Practical ways to pause, sense your options, and make decisions that feel true to you

Key takeaways

• Practice “visits” instead of forcing action, building agency one gentle step at a time
• Use mindful pauses to transform overwhelm into clarity and choice
• Reframe “I don’t wanna” moments as signals to honor your agency, not shame yourself

Enjoy an original piano composition, Wind at Play, highlighting the practice between play and agency.

Subscribe to Rhythms of Focus and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for more resources, support, and inspiration designed for creative, wandering minds.

Keywords

#ADHD, #WanderingMinds, #agency, #gentleproductivity, #mindfulfocus, #visitbasedproductivity, #selftrust, #creativity, #selfcompassion, #rhythmsoffocus

Links

• Episode S01E04 - From Force to Flow with a Visit
• Episode S01E07 - Cautions of Dopamine and a Lean into Mastery
• “I just don’t wanna” and the Power of a Visit - Neurodivergent Insights
• What’s the Difference Between PDA and Demand Avoidance? - Neurodivergent Insights

Transcript

"I just don't wanna,"

it's a familiar refrain for those with wandering minds. So what do we do when we just don't wanna.

 Agency, Not Force, Unlocks Gentle Productivity

You may well know that once you're in it, you're good to go, but getting there can be terribly difficult. Yelling, "just start" hardly works. And when it does, it carries this host of troubles.

In earlier episodes, I talked about dopamine and the "interest-based nervous system" as it's been called, and how we might use these ideas against ourselves to say that we need some chemical or preexisting emotion to get to work. We adopt a sense that we cannot work by our own will.

But I did also hint at a third point of view.

We often focus on attention. For example, one type of wandering mind often carries such a diagnosis. ADHD. It's right there in the title, right? Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder. And there's even the inattentive type where we say that is the main focus.

But what's profoundly missing from the title and other wandering minds, such as the anxious, the creative, the absent-minded, and the like, is the sense of agency.

Now, what is that? It sounds simple. Maybe boring. Why bother with such an abstract idea? What does agency have to do with anything?

This central idea is a pillar to everything I write about, how I function as a psychoanalyst, and how I function as a teacher.

If you want to know the secret to what makes me stand out as a productivity talking head, I believe it comes from this focus on supporting our sense of agency and not about doing things.

So I hope you'll indulge me for a moment as we take this concept apart because I strongly believe that this not so simple skill is a trellis that supports so much, if not all, meaningful growth.

Deciding Without Drama: The Skill of Agency

Now, what do I mean by agency? Here's the definition.

Agency is the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactivity.

Let me repeat that definition: agency is the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactivity.

Alright, so let's take that apart and see what we get. Hopefully. I'll be able to convey what is so vital about this.

When I use the phrase "non-reactive", that's the end of the sentence there, that deciding and engage non-reactively, it means that we can sense our world within us, that emotional, thoughtful world without being swept away.

It is far too easy and maybe even the default to be carried by these waves. When we catch ourselves in the middle of an email, not realizing how we even got there, we're reactive. When we worry and can't decide on something, we're reactive to that worry. When we flip off that person that almost ran us off the road, were reactive to that anger.

Our interests, wants, needs, impulses, worries, and cares- they all touch, wash over, if not crash into us as waves. But when we can sense these emotions, these feelings, these thoughts to whatever degree we can and begin seeing them as information, we start to recognize the options they represent. Hearing that information, these messengers from within, were much more likely to engage from a place of meaning rather than one of reaction.

As such, we can now decide from the options they give us, connecting to whatever we find most meaningful in that moment.

And from this point, we can begin to engage. Here, the decision starts to take shape. We begin closing, collapsing the cloud of possibilities that once had been perhaps mourning the fantasies of what could have been.

From this non-reactive space, we can deliberately choose our next path, whether that's about deciding to have a cup of tea instead of diving into cleaning the closet, or planning out the next quarter's business plans.

In that nameless space where we form our options from our experience, non-reactively, we act with our greatest clarity.

Agency Is a Practice, Not a Trait

The beauty of agency is that it's a skill, something we can nurture and strengthen over time. Every time we notice a wave and choose a response, we're practicing agency. It's like a musician learning a new piece. We improve not by perfection, but by returning to the practice again and again.

And of course we all get swept away from time to time. That's not failure. It's part of being human. But every time we can catch ourselves or we can notice and realize we have a choice, we strengthen our skill.

A Simple Example

As a simple example, I'm writing and I notice this message alert at the top of my screen.

"Oh, hey, message from someone I've been waiting for,"

so I click it.

"Maybe I could just take care of that real quick."

And somewhere on the way to that message, maybe even as I'm writing it, there's this brief flicker of awareness that comes to mind.

"I'm wandering,"

I may not even remember where I'd wandered from, but in that skill, that pause, that's where I can start to sense my options.

"Oh, I'm writing a message here, but I have this vague feeling that I was just doing something else. Oh wait, I was writing."

And then maybe I feel a disappointment that I even wandered off, or maybe I feel an excitement for what I'm about to write to the friend of mine.

And maybe a thought about being thirsty comes to mind too.

And while I'm waiting in that pause, I wonder how I drifted from writing. It's not just distractibility, it's that I hit a wall of confusion while I was writing. I didn't know what to write. I didn't know the order.

"Oh no, people are gonna think that I'm full of it, and I don't know what I'm talking about."

That message that showed up in the corner of my screen gave me a way out. And my magnified mind, the small work table from which I can work, can easily have its contents knocked aside.

It's not just distractibility, it's that the emotions as they are, are huge. And they flash past quickly.

But as I paused, I thought,

"You know, if I can sit with that confusion in the writing, I often can find a path forward discover something useful and interesting along the way.

The work is to be with it.

I bring the document back, and I leave it in front of me as I wait there, seeing what comes to mind, maybe starting to nudge something forward.

That decision came from heightened agency that came from an acknowledgement of my world within which came from consideration, which ultimately, came from the birthplace of it all: a pause, the simplest and most difficult of any form of meaningful productivity.

A Skill to Practice

But because this is a skill means we can practice. It is something we can get better at.

Behind this practice of agency is the agent itself .

Some of the neuropsycho analytic community, for example, might argue that the purpose of consciousness itself is decision agency.

We might wonder whether we have free will or if everything's determined. But rather than view things through this dichotomy, what if we instead focused on this sense of our ability to make a decision non-reactively something we can practice and then have more or less of.

Agency and the Wandering Mind

Now, when it comes to a wandering mind, we often struggle. We lose things, we drop things, we lock ourselves outta the house. We dive deep, but then connect, we wade through scatter. We can do well here, but not there. But only today and not tomorrow. And not yesterday. And it's not clear why.

We might fear that if we decide to do something, we might choose poorly. And maybe that's because we have in the past.

When we struggle to get things done while others nearby make their calls, do their work, get to the things they enjoy with little difficulty, we might wonder

"What gives?"

And well-meaning others alongside our own internal voice might point out our problems and ask,

"Why can't you just?"

These gaffes, these stumbles, these insults over and over hit us.

Many of us start to believe that there's something wrong with us.

We lose trust in ourselves, and more specifically in the sense of agency: our ability to decide and engage non-reactivity.

In other words, this core sense of agency becomes raw, injured and hurt.

"Why can't you just?"

And other statements like these reinforce the injury. When we tell ourselves or hear from others to do the laundry, the taxes, the whatever, and then some sensation holds us back- what's that?

Some call it demand avoidance or pathological demand avoidance. Author Megan Anna Neff has a nicely considered article on her blog in which she makes a case for calling it Pervasive Drive for Autonomy.

Embedded within is this feeling of,

"I don't want to,"

or it's close cousin,

"I can't be bothered."

When I hear these phrases from others or myself I hear it as this cry of injured agency. Beyond decision is this agent, the self, the person making the decision. The center of consciousness becomes this marker that we exist.

When we don't trust ourselves to make decisions that feel meaningful, that feel to be in our best interest and the best interest of those we love and care for, we can feel lost.

And in those moments, someone tells us what to do, they're taking away not only our decision, but our sense of personhood. Losing autonomy, we collapse, rebel, yell with the raw power of the time in our lives where we began to insist on our being.

The toddler within.

"I don't wanna! No!"

These simple but powerful ways, tell the world,

"I exist."

We instantly create this contrast through contest, through opposition, separating ourselves from the world. This injured sense of agency screams,

"I am!"

Even if that looks like lying on the couch.

And in those moments we managed to fight through and stumble into some flow forward and someone else says,

"Hey, can you go do that thing?"

That thing that we were just about to do anyway, we collapse. Not because of some chemical, , but because of that sense of agency, our personhood, our place to practice and grow from feels like it's been taken.

Crashing waves in the seas of a wandering minds, times of stress a only make it worse. Our desire to simply exist, becoming that much more profound striving as we are not to drown.

It might sound strange. But when agency is injured, some part of us absolutely resents being told what to do, even if that person is ourselves. And every attempt to force ourselves makes this rejecting part of us stronger, if not louder.

Our sense of,

"Hey, I should go do that thing"

becomes this authority to which our injured sense of agency says,

"no."

Worsening the Spiral through Force

When we're in this position where we can't make ourselves do the things and yet feel we must, we often resort to force.

This can take many forms: waiting for deadlines, creating fake deadlines. Overscheduling ourselves, shaming ourselves, staking our reputation on something through public declarations of goals that are impossible. Waiting until we feel like it, trying to fake feeling like it, asking others to remind us over and over, among many other possibilities.

However we do so, it comes from this feeling that we cannot do it on our own. We do not trust ourselves.

Still, once the momentum is there, from whatever means we got there, once we quote, just start, sometimes we can keep going. We might even support this, with our tendency to conflate morality with sacrifice: maybe our desire to be a good person requires pain.

And with that idea in mind, we now have this recipe for an ever worsening spiral, an awful torrential wind that creates a swing back and forth between tremendous effort and terrible collapse .

And perhaps worse seeming success at using force directly says we need force, that our sense of agency doesn't work. We cannot decide we have no free will, and that to get any work done, any emotion that says otherwise should simply be ignored.

Navigating can feel like moving through quicksand.

Hollow Wins

And just as an aside, let me make things a little worse. The wins we achieve are often hollow. Even if the results outwardly look like we've done well, there's a fragility that comes from this forced nature.

For example, let's say you get an A on a test, you've crammed for it the night before, but the knowledge disappears quickly. This emptiness comes not just from the superficial nature of the achievement, but from how we got it.

Had we absorbed the same material over the same timeframe, driven by genuine curiosity, a desire to learn, we would likely have remembered it much differently. We would likely have remembered it much differently embedded within at our disposal, rather than held in some fragile box of rote memory

Agency is injured. "I don't wanna," is the cry of an injured self.

We double down on the things we can count on. Maybe that next deadline will light the fire of that fickle and dangerous fuel of anxiety maybe.

The Pause that Powers Gentle Productivity

So of course the question comes back, how do we regain agency? How do we heal it? How do we do what we want to when we just don't want to? The simplest though, also most difficult answer comes from the definition.

Once again,

Agency is the skill and degree to which we can decide and engage non-reactively.

To reach this state of being non-reactive means that we pause. We pause with that experience and with that decision, whatever the feeling, the object, the thing is that we are trying to confront and we wait with that.

We wait for our thoughts, for our feelings about it to come to mind about that experience, that decision, whatever focus we've chosen. And when those feelings of anxiety, excitement, and the rest no longer tell you anything new, whether they've come to a standstill or they're simply repeating, they've come to this point of being settled.

When we reach this point, we've let our ideas and sensations about something come to this standstill, we now have our options before us.

We see the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations. We translate the messages they present, as well as we can. At least for this moment, we've reached a height of agency.

Simple, but not at all easy.

Two Approaches

I can tell you that I personally approach this in two ways, and I'll start with the more complex one first. The first is my being a psychoanalyst.

In psychoanalysis, we look at a person's world through the lenses of meaning, motivation, and experience. We recognize the emotions, the thoughts, the winds, the waters, whether they caress or bash into this vessel of consciousness. We consider how in our attempts to survive these seas, we might even inadvertently create and worsen conditions for ourselves.

By examining these thoughts as they come to mind, their potential meanings that resonate from the stories within, we try to know where we might regain, discover, or create a sense of agency so we can start taking charge of our lives once again.

The human mind is a deep, vast, rich, and complex world, and the work can be considerable.

But I believe there's also this second simpler approach, at least, it has a much simpler beginning.

And I've mentioned it already and I'll mention it again.

Pause.

Quite likely you're in the middle of something. When aren't you?

Maybe you're deciding what to do next. Maybe you're working on something, maybe you're having dinner, maybe you're spending time with someone.

But in that pause, if you're able to do so, see what comes to mind about whatever it is you're doing.

Some things might seem related, some may well not. You might even be surprised.

You don't need to do a thing. But in being there, at least to whatever degree that's caring to yourself, you connect more strongly with those forces within, including the subtle complexities that run beneath a deceptively simple, "I don't wanna."

Be there. And when no new information comes to mind, the options are before you. Thoughts from your past self- past intentions, memories- considerations for your future self -desire, worry- these are brought together in a respect for present self- your energies, the conditions where you are in this moment.

At this height of agency, you can decide to engage wherever you'd like, including doing nothing.

Certainly there's more to say. Certainly there are means of structuring our decisions. In fact, that's the nature of story of games, of tasks over very existence.

In fact, in my Waves of Focus course, I outline several places where pausing can help, and then the structured decisions that can guide easing the burdens of a workflow, particularly for a wandering mind.

Takeaway

So as a takeaway, maybe sometime this week, try to notice some moment where you feel swept away by a wave of emotion or some impulse. Can you pause even briefly and see what comes to mind? Maybe ask yourself, what are my options here? What feels most meaningful right now?...]]>3219a365-f7b9-4f55-86ff-012a736c780cThu, 12 Jun 2025 14:00:00 -050027:46falsefull19918. Creative Brains Need More than InterestFeeling stuck waiting for motivation to strike? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore a gentler, agency-driven approach to productivity-especially for creative professionals, high-achievers with ADHD, and anyone whose mind tends to wander.

Instead of relying on force, deadlines, or shame, discover how small, mindful “visits” and emotional rhythms can help you move forward, even when motivation feels out of reach.

You’ll learn:

• Why traditional productivity advice often backfires for wandering minds, and how to honor your emotions as guides rather than obstacles.

• How the “CHIN-UP” emotions-challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and passion- are helpful, but not enough for meaningful engagement.

• Practical ways to create gentle transitions into focus, using visits and self-compassion as your starting point.

Key Takeaways:

• Show up to your work with a single, mindful visit-no need to force action.

• Use your emotions as navigational tools, not barriers.

• Mark each visit complete, no matter how small, and return with self-kindness.

This episode features an original piano composition “Standing Deer” to inspire your own creative rhythm, a representation of passion to build in your own life.

Subscribe for more gentle productivity strategies and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources and community.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #GentleProductivity #MindfulFocus #Agency #CreativeBrains #EmotionalRhythm #SelfCompassion #ProductivityTips #FocusWithoutForce

Transcript

No Dopamine? No laundry

"Oh, I'm sorry. I, I can't do the laundry. I, I just don't have the dopamine."

I am paraphrasing this from a social media post that is quite humorous as these videos often are. My question is "now what?"

Do we wait for dopamine or interest or whatever to be able to act? Are we really at the mercy of some capricious muse?

We can certainly laugh at these videos, but I think we owe it to ourselves to pick up from this point, because otherwise we're left throwing up our hands and saying, well, I guess I just don't have free will.

Okay. But now what?

 Certainly, it can be hard to get started. Transitioning from doing nothing to something, from something to something else. These can seem impossible. Others ask us-- we ask ourselves, why can't I move forward? Why can't I keep doing the thing over time?

I had like to play for you this post that I found quite funny. Written across it is the words, "me absolutely riddled with ADHD applying for a job."

Instagram Post here

Again, quite funny, but I think we need to pick up from here.

In recent years, this idea of an "Interest- based nervous system" has come to the front. The idea is that we can only function if we have this inherent interest in doing a thing.

One psychiatrist, Dr. William Dodson describes a few motivating conditions for those with ADHD, and I think the concept can extend well for those with wandering minds.

Namely, these conditions are:

1. One. Challenge: a sense of being challenged within that window that works for us that can engage flow.
2. Two. Interest: the sense that you inherently would like to do something.
3. Three. Novelty is say, Hey, look, there's that shiny thing. I would maybe play around with this word novelty and replace it with the idea of discovery because I feel like it's more meaningful.
4. Four is urgency: a sense that something's on fire. It needs to be taken care of now.
5. And fifth. Passion: the sense that something developing over time throughout your days, giving you a sense of competency, identity, agency, and more.

Together, these have sometimes been called an "interest- based nervous system", though there are clearly more emotions involved than just interest.

One client of mine nicely put these together in a mnemonic called the CHIN-UP Emotions: challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and passion. CHIN-UP.

Now, this set of conditions is contrasted with those who are more able to do things based on thoughts that something is important, that there's a reward involved, or that there's a punishment that something bad will happen if I don't do it.

These ideas of punishment of reward of importance, these tend to be largely intellectual. They're ideas. They might have associations. They might even connect with us at some way, but they're not emotionally strong in the Now.

More than just Interest - Broadening the Emotions

Coming back to those CHIN-UP emotions. I think we can unify them even further under the idea of play. Challenge, interest, novelty, passion, all or aspects of this playful sense. Play describes so much of what goes right when we're deeply invested. What can make it so difficult to engage in when it's not there.

But now we can go even further than play.

What about care? What about rage? Fear, love, lust. These can easily get us going as well. Organizing ourselves, our minds, our behaviors in some direction.

Emotions that we might even consider negative: confusion, overwhelm. These tend to clamp us down, have us curl up within ourselves, but I don't think it's that we're unmotivated so much as we're swallowed up in these worlds.

In other words, emotions organize us. They resonate from this place of meaning into the moment, merging into our experience. Our brains are not full of buttons and levers. The more powerful emotions are in the moment, the more we are in the winds and waters, the more they can either carry or crash into us.

Even scatter itself is an emotion. This mix of conflicting, contrasting, colliding feelings, enveloping us in the sense of overwhelm.

And when we engage well, we're in a flow. These emotions and intentions seem to be aligned, the motions of molecules, the firing of neurons from one node to the next, from one nucleus to the next create conditions no less nuanced or varied than our richest ecologies and our deepest oceans.

And for a wandering mind that has this magnified sense of The Now, our emotions become even more powerful. They are our worlds.

Transition is a Process

What I think tends to be missed is that we move through a process to becoming engaged. This motion from one state to another. Transitions.

It's not like we go from, "I don't feel like it" to, "I feel like it!" with some button pressed, some sudden revelation. Maybe occasionally that happens. But more so it comes from some unconscious depths, our emotions gather and our ideas form coalescing from these primal forces then that push the hull and fill the sails of the moment.

The thing is, we are not helpless against ourselves. We have agency. We can still be the captains of the boat that we are in on this sea.

The question is how can we position ourselves to begin those steps that make the transition out of where we are, into where we would like to be? Can we create the conditions that might invite a muse?

I believe that transition begins in the Visit. Same thing I described in episode four.

In other words, we can show up to a difficult task.

Whether that's the laundry, budgeting, a report, we can bring the materials of the work in front of us, move ourselves to it, preferably move distractions aside , and then for a few moments, simply be, maybe for that single deep breath. We don't have to force ourselves to do a thing.

A Power in Doing Nothing

It might seem strange. What good is it to do nothing?

Too often we privilege action.

"Just start!"

Is often a piece of advice given, but this advice can be destructive. The word "just" skips the emotion, this repeating admonition that you cannot trust yourself to make a decision and act based on where you are and your own abilities.

It's when we force ourselves that we invite this immense emotional wave against us. We fight agency, that sense of our very humanity, by not only saying we cannot trust ourselves, but acting like we cannot trust ourselves in that "just start."

But by being with the work, you're not doing nothing. You are engaging the emotions, the true realm from which our decisions are made, from which action of true conviction has a chance of finding conception, forming, and being born.

Whether we begin with anxiety, shame, irritation, or more likely, some entire mental ecology of emotion, any real flow begins in being with those sensations.

Every visit we make creates a wave of focus as rough or as smooth as those waters may be.

And of course we can do so to the degree that we care for ourselves. That single deep breath, maybe that's all we can withstand. Maybe less. That's fine. Mark the visit complete and come back tomorrow.

We are exercising agency.

In this way, we show up, we be, we decide. Gentle winds of dopamine, interest, engagement might even start to tickle the sails.

Takeaway

So as a takeaway, consider is there something you are waiting for, for better conditions to start?

Is there something you're waiting to be interested in to continue? Maybe there's a whole bunch. What if you chose one of them and you showed up to it and felt your way there? And if you could barely be there for that single deep breath, that's fine. Mark the visit done. Put it away. Come back tomorrow. Do it again.

You can stop at any time, but preferably do so at a visit.

Once you've been there, you've been there. Sometimes ideas start to bubble. The muse may even turn their head in your direction.

Standing Deer

  Sitting at the piano, I'm often confronted with this]]>Feeling stuck waiting for motivation to strike? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore a gentler, agency-driven approach to productivity-especially for creative professionals, high-achievers with ADHD, and anyone whose mind tends to wander.

Instead of relying on force, deadlines, or shame, discover how small, mindful “visits” and emotional rhythms can help you move forward, even when motivation feels out of reach.

You’ll learn:

• Why traditional productivity advice often backfires for wandering minds, and how to honor your emotions as guides rather than obstacles.

• How the “CHIN-UP” emotions-challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and passion- are helpful, but not enough for meaningful engagement.

• Practical ways to create gentle transitions into focus, using visits and self-compassion as your starting point.

Key Takeaways:

• Show up to your work with a single, mindful visit-no need to force action.

• Use your emotions as navigational tools, not barriers.

• Mark each visit complete, no matter how small, and return with self-kindness.

This episode features an original piano composition “Standing Deer” to inspire your own creative rhythm, a representation of passion to build in your own life.

Subscribe for more gentle productivity strategies and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources and community.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #GentleProductivity #MindfulFocus #Agency #CreativeBrains #EmotionalRhythm #SelfCompassion #ProductivityTips #FocusWithoutForce

Transcript

No Dopamine? No laundry

"Oh, I'm sorry. I, I can't do the laundry. I, I just don't have the dopamine."

I am paraphrasing this from a social media post that is quite humorous as these videos often are. My question is "now what?"

Do we wait for dopamine or interest or whatever to be able to act? Are we really at the mercy of some capricious muse?

We can certainly laugh at these videos, but I think we owe it to ourselves to pick up from this point, because otherwise we're left throwing up our hands and saying, well, I guess I just don't have free will.

Okay. But now what?

 Certainly, it can be hard to get started. Transitioning from doing nothing to something, from something to something else. These can seem impossible. Others ask us-- we ask ourselves, why can't I move forward? Why can't I keep doing the thing over time?

I had like to play for you this post that I found quite funny. Written across it is the words, "me absolutely riddled with ADHD applying for a job."

Instagram Post here

Again, quite funny, but I think we need to pick up from here.

In recent years, this idea of an "Interest- based nervous system" has come to the front. The idea is that we can only function if we have this inherent interest in doing a thing.

One psychiatrist, Dr. William Dodson describes a few motivating conditions for those with ADHD, and I think the concept can extend well for those with wandering minds.

Namely, these conditions are:

1. One. Challenge: a sense of being challenged within that window that works for us that can engage flow.
2. Two. Interest: the sense that you inherently would like to do something.
3. Three. Novelty is say, Hey, look, there's that shiny thing. I would maybe play around with this word novelty and replace it with the idea of discovery because I feel like it's more meaningful.
4. Four is urgency: a sense that something's on fire. It needs to be taken care of now.
5. And fifth. Passion: the sense that something developing over time throughout your days, giving you a sense of competency, identity, agency, and more.

Together, these have sometimes been called an "interest- based nervous system", though there are clearly more emotions involved than just interest.

One client of mine nicely put these together in a mnemonic called the CHIN-UP Emotions: challenge, interest, novelty, urgency, and passion. CHIN-UP.

Now, this set of conditions is contrasted with those who are more able to do things based on thoughts that something is important, that there's a reward involved, or that there's a punishment that something bad will happen if I don't do it.

These ideas of punishment of reward of importance, these tend to be largely intellectual. They're ideas. They might have associations. They might even connect with us at some way, but they're not emotionally strong in the Now.

More than just Interest - Broadening the Emotions

Coming back to those CHIN-UP emotions. I think we can unify them even further under the idea of play. Challenge, interest, novelty, passion, all or aspects of this playful sense. Play describes so much of what goes right when we're deeply invested. What can make it so difficult to engage in when it's not there.

But now we can go even further than play.

What about care? What about rage? Fear, love, lust. These can easily get us going as well. Organizing ourselves, our minds, our behaviors in some direction.

Emotions that we might even consider negative: confusion, overwhelm. These tend to clamp us down, have us curl up within ourselves, but I don't think it's that we're unmotivated so much as we're swallowed up in these worlds.

In other words, emotions organize us. They resonate from this place of meaning into the moment, merging into our experience. Our brains are not full of buttons and levers. The more powerful emotions are in the moment, the more we are in the winds and waters, the more they can either carry or crash into us.

Even scatter itself is an emotion. This mix of conflicting, contrasting, colliding feelings, enveloping us in the sense of overwhelm.

And when we engage well, we're in a flow. These emotions and intentions seem to be aligned, the motions of molecules, the firing of neurons from one node to the next, from one nucleus to the next create conditions no less nuanced or varied than our richest ecologies and our deepest oceans.

And for a wandering mind that has this magnified sense of The Now, our emotions become even more powerful. They are our worlds.

Transition is a Process

What I think tends to be missed is that we move through a process to becoming engaged. This motion from one state to another. Transitions.

It's not like we go from, "I don't feel like it" to, "I feel like it!" with some button pressed, some sudden revelation. Maybe occasionally that happens. But more so it comes from some unconscious depths, our emotions gather and our ideas form coalescing from these primal forces then that push the hull and fill the sails of the moment.

The thing is, we are not helpless against ourselves. We have agency. We can still be the captains of the boat that we are in on this sea.

The question is how can we position ourselves to begin those steps that make the transition out of where we are, into where we would like to be? Can we create the conditions that might invite a muse?

I believe that transition begins in the Visit. Same thing I described in episode four.

In other words, we can show up to a difficult task.

Whether that's the laundry, budgeting, a report, we can bring the materials of the work in front of us, move ourselves to it, preferably move distractions aside , and then for a few moments, simply be, maybe for that single deep breath. We don't have to force ourselves to do a thing.

A Power in Doing Nothing

It might seem strange. What good is it to do nothing?

Too often we privilege action.

"Just start!"

Is often a piece of advice given, but this advice can be destructive. The word "just" skips the emotion, this repeating admonition that you cannot trust yourself to make a decision and act based on where you are and your own abilities.

It's when we force ourselves that we invite this immense emotional wave against us. We fight agency, that sense of our very humanity, by not only saying we cannot trust ourselves, but acting like we cannot trust ourselves in that "just start."

But by being with the work, you're not doing nothing. You are engaging the emotions, the true realm from which our decisions are made, from which action of true conviction has a chance of finding conception, forming, and being born.

Whether we begin with anxiety, shame, irritation, or more likely, some entire mental ecology of emotion, any real flow begins in being with those sensations.

Every visit we make creates a wave of focus as rough or as smooth as those waters may be.

And of course we can do so to the degree that we care for ourselves. That single deep breath, maybe that's all we can withstand. Maybe less. That's fine. Mark the visit complete and come back tomorrow.

We are exercising agency.

In this way, we show up, we be, we decide. Gentle winds of dopamine, interest, engagement might even start to tickle the sails.

Takeaway

So as a takeaway, consider is there something you are waiting for, for better conditions to start?

Is there something you're waiting to be interested in to continue? Maybe there's a whole bunch. What if you chose one of them and you showed up to it and felt your way there? And if you could barely be there for that single deep breath, that's fine. Mark the visit done. Put it away. Come back tomorrow. Do it again.

You can stop at any time, but preferably do so at a visit.

Once you've been there, you've been there. Sometimes ideas start to bubble. The muse may even turn their head in your direction.

Standing Deer

  Sitting at the piano, I'm often confronted with this sense of worry.

What if I've got nothing to say? What if nothing new comes to my fingers? Or maybe why bother? Hasn't everything been written?

But in being there, staying there, sometimes doing nothing other than simply sitting at the keys, I can be with those senses, and that's where I start to work through those worries and maybe play that single first note.

Is that where it starts? Or maybe it really started when I sat at the keys.

I might start touching the keys. Something soft, something loud. Maybe I can make a piece of music with that one note. What if I added another note?

Maybe whatever it is I'm doing dies right there on the vine, and that's fine too. Maybe it'll be fodder for another day.

But occasionally I do catch a wave and even when I do get a wave I have a new worry.

What if I lose it? What if I make a mistake?

Still all I need to do is be there. Let it flow. Let it drift away. I could space out, let my mind wander, and when I catch myself wandering, I can bring myself back.

As I lean into challenge, I discover that next step. I don't need to know all the steps.

I only need to reflect on this feeling of some general direction, this blurry vision into the fog. And then maybe I can take that single gentle step. And if I can do that with regularity, somehow I seem to get somewhere.

The following piece of music is called "Standing Deer." I imagine being in the woods having come across some deer in the distance. It's turned its head to look at me. I'm not sure where the conversation is, but it's there somehow carried through the silence.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

We’ll explore why chasing dopamine hits can leave us feeling empty, and how shifting our focus from quick fixes to meaningful learning can restore a sense of agency. Instead of forcing productivity, discover how leaning gently into challenge-and finding ease and play within it-can help you build rhythms that last.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why relying solely on dopamine or brain chemistry explanations can distance you from your own experience-and what to do instead.
• How to use the “Lean into Challenge” approach to transform overwhelm into small, achievable steps toward mastery.
• The power of play and ease as markers of true learning, not just fleeting motivation.

Three actionable takeaways:

• Pause and acknowledge your feelings before pushing forward-self-compassion is the first step to agency.
• Break tasks down to their simplest elements, slow your pace, and seek out the “level below” when stuck.
• Invite playfulness into your work-even a single note or tiny success can reignite engagement and growth.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Sky Lily” as an example of structure shaping emotion.

Subscribe and join us at rhythmsoffocus.com to keep guiding your wandering mind toward creative mastery.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #Mastery #PlayfulFocus #LeanIntoChallenge #Dopamine #RhythmsOfFocus #CreativeGrowth

Transcript

Introduction

Staring at your to-do list, you know exactly what you "should" do, but your mind won't budge. You quickly jump to something else on the list or off the list.

"I'll do it later."

Is it a lack of willpower, troubles with brain chemistry, or something else entirely?

 On Dopamine...

One struggle of a wandering mind is this sense that sometimes we cannot seem to do things by our own free will. Having bashed ourselves against our internal walls trying to prove otherwise, we might find some solace in science that our free will isn't truly free.

There are at least a couple of examples of this, and one we'll look at today is found in the word "dopamine."

Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that relates to reinforcement.

The theory for ADHD at least is that the sensitivity, the receptors, the anatomic distribution and more of this chemical dopamine is somehow different.

We can even dive further into the scientific words and say things like the dopaminergic cell bodies that relate exist in the pars compacta of the substantial nigra in the ventral tegmental area. Reinforcement sensitivity may be altered as related to the DAT1 gene variable numbered tandem repeat. ... and we can go on.

There's a lot of benefit that can come from such study: medications, tools, new perspectives, and more.

But as with any perspective, we can invite problems when this is our only way of looking at it. These words tend to distance us from experience, and this may seem like a trivial point, but I assure you it is not.

The word "dopamine" can become a metaphor not only for the rest of these concepts, but for worlds we do not fully understand, and more importantly, worlds within ourselves that we do not control, at least not directly.

This doesn't mean we should toss the science out the window. There is plenty within ourselves that we do not control. Psychoanalysis formalized this concept of the unconscious, for example, which by the way means that there are things that are not conscious. Depending on which analyst you ask, dopamine might even fit into that category.

We can carry this metaphor further though, this metaphor of dopamine being that which we cannot control, calling it a button to push. That we use other things to press, for example, cold showers, video games, taking a stimulant medication, exercising. These can all help. The idea is that having bathed ourselves in dopamine's Ambrosia through this roundabout method, we can now act.

And again, these can help.

But what we lose in this perspective is the original role of dopamine.

...vs Learning

Now we've looked at it as reinforcement, but even there we lose a closer term: learning. We can see this distinction, this loss in the word, when we also look at dopamine in reference to negative things like cocaine, risky sexual behaviors, gambling, and the like.

In other words, when using the word dopamine, we might be saying something like, "I'm tired," or "I'm struggling to engage, among other possibilities," but we have to be cautious that we're likely not saying anything about decision or meaning.

Where we place our mind, what we do with our attention while we're there, what things mean to us? Couldn't these also be paths to stimulation that would get us moving?

I come back to the same word: "learning."

I don't mean learning in the sense of sitting there staring at some teacher in the face while your thoughts are going somewhere else.

I mean truly learning. When we truly learn, it means that we are gaining things, incorporating things that feel meaningful to us, that have somehow this sense of growth of agency within us, that that can support our sense of agency. That reinforces itself, doesn't it?

When we start to get good at something, even if, and sometimes, especially if it was difficult to begin with, doesn't that turn us on?

Okay, but how do we even begin to make it through that difficult hump, that beginning of, "I don't wanna."

Well, it's a complex mix of many emotions, that simple phrase, "I don't wanna," maybe I'll come back to that for another episode. But there are several things that we can try, some more concrete, some more abstract.

And even if I were to tell you to try them all, I can't guarantee that it would help you necessarily make it through, but I can encourage a try.

A Lean Into Challenge

So let me offer you this one possibility. It will focus on a complexity of overwhelm, perhaps, because many emotions can tie into that. And this one, this particular technique I'll get into now, I think does do a good approach for many different problems.

A Lean into Challenge.

When you begin to practice a visit- based approach, as I described in an earlier episode, the idea is that you show up to a thing and then decide. That's the shorthand of it.

As you are there, you're bathed directly in the emotions of the work.

You may well feel any number of things. You might feel repulsed, angry, irritated, bored, confused among any number of other feelings. The nuance of emotion becomes clearer instead of the oversimplified crayon box we use of happy, sad, worried, or whatever.

In that time there, in that single deep breath, you might decide to leave. That's fine. It might be intolerable. Caring for yourself in whatever way makes sense to you is of great importance. If you're exhausted beyond your ability at that visit, pushing further would be too much- okay, fine. Put it aside.

Come back to tomorrow's visit. And even then and the next, you may only be there for that single deep breath to stare at the taxes or gather the materials for the DMV or whatever it happens to be.

But at some visit, should you decide to stay beyond that single deep breath, you might discover some natural window of challenge, something that works for you, "that I can make that little nudge forward."

Fine and sometimes not.

So what do we do if that doesn't naturally show?

And this is where we can use that tool of a Lean into Challenge. In short first pause. I find this to be vital, and I'll get into that maybe another episode as to why pausing is vital, but pause.

Second be with those feelings, frustration among any number of others, acknowledging them, seeing them, maybe even feeling them in your body.

Next search for the marker of mastery.

What is that? Ease.

Kenny Werner, the author of Effortless Mastery does a nice job of describing this sense of doing something with ease, with barely even a thought as being this marker for mastery.

We want to aim for ease and how do we do that?

Here are three things you can try.

One, reduce the scope of whatever it is you're looking at. Break it down. That doesn't mean break it into all of its parts. That can be its own overwhelming thing. I'm talking about one tiny piece.

Two, slow it down. Slow yourself down instead of looking at everything, come down to almost a standstill if you like.

Third, find what I would call "a level below", meaning find something fundamental, something simple in the work. If it's a textbook you're looking at, look at the chapter that's before. Maybe you haven't quite gotten that one down. If you're stumbling, going across the piano keys, go to the arpeggios or scales. If you're coding something, developing some computer program. Maybe there's something simple in there that you haven't quite totally gotten to that point of ease.

Keep using these three levers. Shrink it down, slow it down, level below until you can find some ease, some tiny little speck within the fog of frustration, overwhelm, or whatever the negative feeling state is.

If you can find that ease you are finding where you have some sense of mastery, even if it's just being able to breathe within it.

Another marker of mastery is the ability to play. And I mean that in the toddler sense, in...]]>Caught in the tug-of-war between “should do” and “want to do”? You’re not alone. In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we unravel the hidden dance between dopamine, motivation, and the pursuit of mastery-especially for those with wandering minds and ADHD.

We’ll explore why chasing dopamine hits can leave us feeling empty, and how shifting our focus from quick fixes to meaningful learning can restore a sense of agency. Instead of forcing productivity, discover how leaning gently into challenge-and finding ease and play within it-can help you build rhythms that last.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why relying solely on dopamine or brain chemistry explanations can distance you from your own experience-and what to do instead.
• How to use the “Lean into Challenge” approach to transform overwhelm into small, achievable steps toward mastery.
• The power of play and ease as markers of true learning, not just fleeting motivation.

Three actionable takeaways:

• Pause and acknowledge your feelings before pushing forward-self-compassion is the first step to agency.
• Break tasks down to their simplest elements, slow your pace, and seek out the “level below” when stuck.
• Invite playfulness into your work-even a single note or tiny success can reignite engagement and growth.

This episode features an original piano composition, “Sky Lily” as an example of structure shaping emotion.

Subscribe and join us at rhythmsoffocus.com to keep guiding your wandering mind toward creative mastery.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #Mastery #PlayfulFocus #LeanIntoChallenge #Dopamine #RhythmsOfFocus #CreativeGrowth

Transcript

Introduction

Staring at your to-do list, you know exactly what you "should" do, but your mind won't budge. You quickly jump to something else on the list or off the list.

"I'll do it later."

Is it a lack of willpower, troubles with brain chemistry, or something else entirely?

 On Dopamine...

One struggle of a wandering mind is this sense that sometimes we cannot seem to do things by our own free will. Having bashed ourselves against our internal walls trying to prove otherwise, we might find some solace in science that our free will isn't truly free.

There are at least a couple of examples of this, and one we'll look at today is found in the word "dopamine."

Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that relates to reinforcement.

The theory for ADHD at least is that the sensitivity, the receptors, the anatomic distribution and more of this chemical dopamine is somehow different.

We can even dive further into the scientific words and say things like the dopaminergic cell bodies that relate exist in the pars compacta of the substantial nigra in the ventral tegmental area. Reinforcement sensitivity may be altered as related to the DAT1 gene variable numbered tandem repeat. ... and we can go on.

There's a lot of benefit that can come from such study: medications, tools, new perspectives, and more.

But as with any perspective, we can invite problems when this is our only way of looking at it. These words tend to distance us from experience, and this may seem like a trivial point, but I assure you it is not.

The word "dopamine" can become a metaphor not only for the rest of these concepts, but for worlds we do not fully understand, and more importantly, worlds within ourselves that we do not control, at least not directly.

This doesn't mean we should toss the science out the window. There is plenty within ourselves that we do not control. Psychoanalysis formalized this concept of the unconscious, for example, which by the way means that there are things that are not conscious. Depending on which analyst you ask, dopamine might even fit into that category.

We can carry this metaphor further though, this metaphor of dopamine being that which we cannot control, calling it a button to push. That we use other things to press, for example, cold showers, video games, taking a stimulant medication, exercising. These can all help. The idea is that having bathed ourselves in dopamine's Ambrosia through this roundabout method, we can now act.

And again, these can help.

But what we lose in this perspective is the original role of dopamine.

...vs Learning

Now we've looked at it as reinforcement, but even there we lose a closer term: learning. We can see this distinction, this loss in the word, when we also look at dopamine in reference to negative things like cocaine, risky sexual behaviors, gambling, and the like.

In other words, when using the word dopamine, we might be saying something like, "I'm tired," or "I'm struggling to engage, among other possibilities," but we have to be cautious that we're likely not saying anything about decision or meaning.

Where we place our mind, what we do with our attention while we're there, what things mean to us? Couldn't these also be paths to stimulation that would get us moving?

I come back to the same word: "learning."

I don't mean learning in the sense of sitting there staring at some teacher in the face while your thoughts are going somewhere else.

I mean truly learning. When we truly learn, it means that we are gaining things, incorporating things that feel meaningful to us, that have somehow this sense of growth of agency within us, that that can support our sense of agency. That reinforces itself, doesn't it?

When we start to get good at something, even if, and sometimes, especially if it was difficult to begin with, doesn't that turn us on?

Okay, but how do we even begin to make it through that difficult hump, that beginning of, "I don't wanna."

Well, it's a complex mix of many emotions, that simple phrase, "I don't wanna," maybe I'll come back to that for another episode. But there are several things that we can try, some more concrete, some more abstract.

And even if I were to tell you to try them all, I can't guarantee that it would help you necessarily make it through, but I can encourage a try.

A Lean Into Challenge

So let me offer you this one possibility. It will focus on a complexity of overwhelm, perhaps, because many emotions can tie into that. And this one, this particular technique I'll get into now, I think does do a good approach for many different problems.

A Lean into Challenge.

When you begin to practice a visit- based approach, as I described in an earlier episode, the idea is that you show up to a thing and then decide. That's the shorthand of it.

As you are there, you're bathed directly in the emotions of the work.

You may well feel any number of things. You might feel repulsed, angry, irritated, bored, confused among any number of other feelings. The nuance of emotion becomes clearer instead of the oversimplified crayon box we use of happy, sad, worried, or whatever.

In that time there, in that single deep breath, you might decide to leave. That's fine. It might be intolerable. Caring for yourself in whatever way makes sense to you is of great importance. If you're exhausted beyond your ability at that visit, pushing further would be too much- okay, fine. Put it aside.

Come back to tomorrow's visit. And even then and the next, you may only be there for that single deep breath to stare at the taxes or gather the materials for the DMV or whatever it happens to be.

But at some visit, should you decide to stay beyond that single deep breath, you might discover some natural window of challenge, something that works for you, "that I can make that little nudge forward."

Fine and sometimes not.

So what do we do if that doesn't naturally show?

And this is where we can use that tool of a Lean into Challenge. In short first pause. I find this to be vital, and I'll get into that maybe another episode as to why pausing is vital, but pause.

Second be with those feelings, frustration among any number of others, acknowledging them, seeing them, maybe even feeling them in your body.

Next search for the marker of mastery.

What is that? Ease.

Kenny Werner, the author of Effortless Mastery does a nice job of describing this sense of doing something with ease, with barely even a thought as being this marker for mastery.

We want to aim for ease and how do we do that?

Here are three things you can try.

One, reduce the scope of whatever it is you're looking at. Break it down. That doesn't mean break it into all of its parts. That can be its own overwhelming thing. I'm talking about one tiny piece.

Two, slow it down. Slow yourself down instead of looking at everything, come down to almost a standstill if you like.

Third, find what I would call "a level below", meaning find something fundamental, something simple in the work. If it's a textbook you're looking at, look at the chapter that's before. Maybe you haven't quite gotten that one down. If you're stumbling, going across the piano keys, go to the arpeggios or scales. If you're coding something, developing some computer program. Maybe there's something simple in there that you haven't quite totally gotten to that point of ease.

Keep using these three levers. Shrink it down, slow it down, level below until you can find some ease, some tiny little speck within the fog of frustration, overwhelm, or whatever the negative feeling state is.

If you can find that ease you are finding where you have some sense of mastery, even if it's just being able to breathe within it.

Another marker of mastery is the ability to play. And I mean that in the toddler sense, in that Hericlitus sense that I mentioned in episode two of a person being most themselves when they're in the heart of play. That depth of flow between self and world, where I can touch that one single note and tap it with a little bit more and a little less and see how loud and soft I can make it, just almost making a song with just that. I can adjust that one thing on the website. I can speak to my boss with this one single sentence. I can raise my eyes this far in trying to connect with somebody.

We begin to find play.

And then the question is, can we bring that spirit itself back into challenge, the little nudge forward? Because that's when we are learning. And not only are we learning, but we're doing it from a sense of depth from where we are.

And when we learn from that depth of self, it's no longer about dopamine. It might be there, but that's only one ingredient. More importantly, we have agency, again.

Beyond excitement, it becomes about engagement, discovery, creativity. And over time, it becomes about passion and even identity as we continue the visits forward. In fact, as we do this over multiple visits, it shifts from being a Lean into Challenge, into a Lean into Mastery.

There's a richness that we start to be able to hold onto, engage and develop that has meaning.

Again, now it's no longer about dopamine. It's about having agency.

The Takeaway

So as a takeaway here, consider something you'd like to make a visit to. Maybe be there, pause, feel that frustration. See if you can find that ease within it, by slowing down, breaking it down, finding some level below.

Can you find that sense of play within that ease and then return to challenge?

Couldn't that be a nice place to build from?

Structures, Experience, and Sky Lily

  Music is this landscape of emotions. When we listen to music, we hear structure in the echoes and the repetition. Even variation requires repetition.

And within these structures, our minds create space. Within that space are the emotions that we fill it with, the emotions that we carry within us.

We're stirred by these structures every time we hear them. As our mind internalizes these trellises that these sounds have created. And we listen, repeating the song, hearing it again and again, asking our record players and apps and such to play it for us. Until we've grown through those trellises, we can now shed them.

I find this happens in the creation of a piece, and I find it happens as we listen to a piece.

This piece I'll play for you is called "Sky Lilly" and creates a world between two keys. One is in B flat minor, while the other is in a related major D flat

in reality, there's a lot more going on. There are a lot more structures that are created between individual notes and phrases. If I just told you all the notes, you wouldn't experience it. And experience is where things really seem to change, much like a Visit.

I hope you enjoy the piece.

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Key takeaways

- Recognize how leveraging shame and self-criticism only deepens the cycle of overwhelm and guilt

- Begin building a foundation of trust in your own rhythms, making it easier to release shame-based strategies and foster agency

This episode also features an original piano composition, “Folktale.”

Subscribe for more compassionate strategies for wandering minds, and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources and inspiration.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #SelfCompassion #Agency #GentleFocus #CreativeRhythms #LetGoOfShame #TaskManagement #PianoMeditation

Transcript

"Maybe I was born lazy."

"Maybe I just need to try harder. "

Despite your best efforts, another deadline slipping by and a familiar wave of guilt and shame rolls in. Some of us double down, hoping that shame will help us do better next time, creating this ever- worsening cycle.

But couldn't there be a better organizing force?

The Cycle of Self-Blame and "Trying Harder"

 As wandering minds, we often consider our troubles moral in nature. Maybe we were somehow born lazy.

If we could only muster more willpower discipline, we'd be fine. Holding things in mind harder, trying one list after the next, creating this sea of post-it notes blaring reminders in a barely balanced set of files on the desktop-- all have this way of collapsing into piles of incomplete projects and missed opportunities, each resonating more shame.

Just trying harder is like someone who's nearsighted is trying to see better by wanting to. It doesn't work and often leaves the ceiling worse, like squinting until we get headaches.

Often the world around us doesn't recognize this sense we have of this Magnified Now that I described earlier in this series. They never experience what that could possibly mean-- this Magnified Now. And they view these collisions and misplacements that we get into as motivationally- based.

The conclusion is that we are morally flawed. We hear some version of,

"If you really cared, you wouldn't forget!"

We hear that from others, and as we internalize it, we hear it from ourselves.

And so once again, we muster up the courage and try again.

With every error, we yell louder. Not only through self recrimination, but in the seas of sticky notes and the reminders and how we write our tasks and where we write them and demands and all caps and bold and saying, "Do homework!" "Write the report!" "Do the thing!" as well as the angry questions that follow, like

"Why can't you just do it?"

Maybe if we yelled at ourselves enough, that'll fix the problem.

Leveraging Shame

In other words, we leverage shame.

The trouble is it can work.

For example, let's say you miss an appointment. "Well, next week I shouldn't miss that appointment because I'm going to feel bad enough to remember." But let's say you missed that one. "Well, now I'm just gonna feel worse and that'll do it."

And now if it works well, you've just reinforced that you just needed to feel bad enough.

The trouble is that leveraging shame beyond the major pain it inflict on ourselves, injures us further. We now not only have feelings of guilt and shame, but also this constant worry of gathering more simply by trying.

The world becomes increasingly painful and dangerous. All of these attacks and self- recriminations build over time. At a gut level, we regularly receive this message that the world is a place that we're incapable of navigating, and we confirm this for ourselves.

And it must then, we conclude, stem from this moral failing.

A Clear Mind is a Better Organizer

What's missing is the central notion that we can organize based on having things genuinely off of our mind, that we can use this lack of frustration, irritation, shame, and the rest as being the principle around which we organize ourselves.

If we develop these methods of putting things that we want to be reminded of, when and where they would be useful, that they would stay out of our way when we don't need them, that we'd be ready to engage them when we reach out for them. Wouldn't that be a better way of managing things? Of course, this is much more easier said than done, but this is the practice of caring for our future selves.

If, for example, you knew that an appointment reminder would appear, clear of other distractions with enough time to wrap up whatever you were doing, showed up, that it also gave you directions to wherever it is that you wanted to go, that it told you where all the things are that you needed, and if you had practiced that enough that you felt that that happened over and over- you're developing a trust between your present and future and past self.

If that were the case, wouldn't it be easier to consciously let things go? Wouldn't it be easier to not shame yourself into doing these things?

Now there are a number of skills here to practice.

Being able to wrap something up, being able to guide that momentum that you're in into something that you would hope you'd be able to return to. Clearing space to have reliable reminders and the like. Yes, there are a number of skills to practice, but they are learnable.

If you take each one and begin to practice each one, eventually you have this group of things that come together and support you.

So for those of you who are caught in this cycle, know you're not alone and that there are gentler, more effective ways of guiding your focus.

As this series continues, I hope to continue my argument of how a Visit- based system can become this nidus for change. It's not the entirety, but it is a solid foundation.

As you practice, really experience the sense that you can put things where you want them to show up, to remind you, and stay out of the way otherwise, you start to develop that trust. And maybe then you can start shedding those more shaming methods.

Music - Folktale

  Every time I sit to play a piece of music that I've composed, I'll play it differently than I did before. I quickly get bored when a piece stays the same. I suppose there's some lesson of life always being about change in there as when a piece stops changing, I stop playing it.

This piece called Folktale is one of my older pieces starting maybe 30 years ago or so, and it's had quite a while to evolve.

The piece is written in F minor. It's mostly in three-four time, this sort of waltz time. And being in a minor key, I know a lot of times we equate a sort of sadness to it, but I really wonder if we're confusing that with contemplation, with reflection.

Why does it always have to be sad? Why not thoughtful? Yeah. Maybe that's just me. In any case, I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

Ever notice how, when the winds are right, you can ride a wave of creativity and clarity—only to later find yourself scattered, lost, or exhausted when the tide shifts?

In this episode, we’ll consider the troubles of even describing what is happening. While diagnoses can help, they can hinder has well.

We’ll consider why “just try harder” and rigid productivity hacks often fail wandering minds—and what actually works instead

This episode features an original piano composition, “Bunnies on the March.”

Subscribe for more and visit rhythmsoffocus.com for resources designed for ADHD and wandering minds.

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #FocusRhythms #Agency #Mindfulness #SelfCompassion #GentleProductivity #Creativity #FlowState #Neurodiversity

Transcript

 When conditions are right, we're sailing strong, getting more done in a shorter time than most. Ideas click. Insights seem obvious, if not simple.

In diving deep, the world fades away and this inner critic mercifully loosens its grip.

We are creative.

Feeling that free flow. We might wonder, why can't we just be here all the time?

 As I described in the opening, when conditions are right, we're sailing strong, and we can wonder why can't we always be here? The trouble is, conditions are ephemeral, a mysterious muse drifting off far sooner than we'd want.

Trying to hold on beyond its natural end, creates tension, exhaustion, and a blindness to other matters.

... Into Scatter

We can fall into scatter. Maybe we walk into a room forgetting why we went there in the first place. Maybe we need so many reminders to navigate our day that they blend into the background, leaving us lost once again.

Losing things, forgetting things, struggling to engage, buried under feelings of "I don't want to", and we sigh:

"I'll do it later."

Maybe we even vaguely believe ourselves despite the repeated failures to fulfill that promise. So we plot some path forward with whatever we have at hand. Maybe deadlines will work, maybe following the moments whims will work, but there are no control levers to either one.

Due dates and interests exist without our input. Neither can they be faked. As painful as they are, they may seem to be our only tools, but their faults and pains leave us wondering,

"Why can't I just,..."

A Paradox of Potential

There's a paradox of potential. We're told we're smart. We might even suspect it ourselves, but how can that possibly be true, especially when we cannot bring ourselves, our minds to a place to do a thing that feels important. That disconnect between perceived potential and the realization of that potential creates a powerfully painful point for the wandering mind.

Minds wander for some more so than others. Some season, some days, some hours more than others, sometimes well beyond some threshold where it can become quite difficult to navigate the day, running in fits and starts, excelling than crashing.

The struggles that come with a wandering mind go beyond a simple trouble of focus. How do we explain to someone, anyone, others, or ourselves that we can do this, but not that, focus here, but not there, now, but not then?

"What's wrong with you? Why can't you just get started?"

Well we've already been going through enough, we've got enough going on, enough troubles trying to move forward, keeping up with responsibilities desperately searching for a moment of joy and relief where we can, having to explain how our mind wanders is just one more difficult task on the pile.

Beyond Labels

Some people get a diagnosis, anxiety, sleep deprivation, attention deficit among other possibilities. Diagnoses are sometimes helpful. They give us common terms for the mysterious forces that are affecting us. Psychiatrists, neurologists, and others examine neurotransmitters, pathways, behaviors, and more. Checklists say "this many" meets criteria. Perhaps we find and use medicines and treatments along the way, many of which can be helpful, but none of these address either meaning or decision.

In ADHD, for example, medications can be very helpful for reducing distractibility. But how and where do we choose to place our attention to begin with?

Further, medical terms can sometimes even be used against ourselves. Inherent is a sense of "This is abnormal. How do we make it normal?" We may even use these diagnoses to shield ourselves from further, admittedly painful attempts to forge new paths forward.

I gave this example of a fever in the first episode, and let me describe it once again. When a person has a fever, they often reach for medication to reduce it, but there are at least a few considerations that could be helpful.

One, we don't know where the fever's coming from. What if it's acting as a messenger? This sort of downstream effect.

Two, fevers can often, in fact be helpful. Could it be acting as a support?

And three, meanwhile, there are also times when a fever can be damaging. How do we know when and how to reduce it? Perhaps a wandering mind's situation might be similar.

It's not arrived at in some singular way. Our troubles, after all, aren't static. They're better or worse in different days, different times of day. They flare in certain conditions and not in others. They're beneficial in some ways and not in others, and there are many ways that we can magnify the Now.

Further, what if many of these troubles are downstream effects of something more central?

In other words, what if there's meaning behind, if not utility to, the troubles, which could then be understood if not guided into strengths?

Strength and Struggle

Reading and listening to online discussions, many recognize the strength that might be there, some even calling it "awesome" and a "superpower". Meanwhile, others understandably so bristle at that idea that there can be anything super about it, as debilitating as it can be.

Meanwhile, for those of us who don't qualify for a diagnosis, we're often left more confused than before.

There's no word, no physical thing to point to. We're at a loss to know what's going on. Even with a diagnosis, there's still a mystery to it. In other words, pointing at a word, what are we even pointing at?

In the coming episodes, we'll be staying with these sort of rough, icky parts.

I do think there are positive paths forward, but it's important to recognize the ways that we try to make things better can often make things worse.

I do believe that a Visit- based approach, as I mentioned in this series, can be helpful in engaging a sort of positive feedback loop to help get us out of that pit and becomes less about avoiding that sort of magnification of the moment and more about engaging and using it to power the moment.

Bunnies on the March

Early in this episode, I described trying to hold on to something beyond a natural end, and I found this to be a very important matter in creating music in the individual session or visit while creating, improvising, writing, performing.

If I sit there and push something beyond its natural end, I create a headache. There is a sort of working through of challenge that's always important. There are these sort of frustrations that we need to sit through, but there's this feeling of meaning behind it as vital. In mastery, things move in these sort of plateaus and bursts, but it'll be hard to know when is it that I'm working through a challenge that's useful, and when might I be grinding my gears in a way that's going to create troubles?

I believe we can best answer that question at a Visit itself within a pause where we can look at the Windows of Challenge that sit before us and decide.

Once we decide that something works or does not work, that it might be time to step away. There can be a mourning that happens. And with practice, I've learned to listen to a piece of music to tell me when it's ready to end.

We can get excited by its thrills, but in paying attention to its passing on, we give it more than just dignity, but a power and elegance in that beauty that can stay with us.

How about I present a piece in a major key? This one is called Bunnies on the March, and it's written in F Major. You can hear a single bunny in the beginning that then sees this march going by and decides to join up, and then it leaves and does its own thing again, and then rejoins.

Why? I have no idea, but I hope you enjoy it. 

Mentioned in this episode:

Join the Weekly Wind Down Newsletter

The Weekly Wind Down is an exploration of wandering minds, task and time management, and more importantly, how we find calmer focus and meaningful work.

We'll explore a "Visit" as a unit of work, a simple, agency-enhancing practice that transforms focus from a battle into a series of mindful, approachable steps.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

- Why honoring your mind’s natural rhythms can unlock creativity and reduce overwhelm

- How the “visit” approach helps you engage with work through curiosity, not force

- Practical ways to build momentum and agency-one gentle step at a time

Key takeaways:

- Try a “visit”: Show up for a task, even for just a deep breath, and decide your next step from there

- Use rhythm, not rigidity: Let daily, mindful visits build sustainable progress

Plus, enjoy a piano performance of Beethoven's Sonata number 14, second movement, a result of a series of visits.

Subscribe for more at rhythmsoffocus.com

Links

• Waves of Focus: Guiding the Wandering Mind

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #GentleFocus #CreativeMomentum #VisitMethod #Neurodiversity #RhythmOverRigidity #SelfCompassion

Transcript

Is a wandering mind really about a lack of discipline? What if it's instead more about being deeply attuned to the present moment, experiencing The Now with vivid intensity? When we see it that way, we might be more inclined to honor our mind's, natural rhythms rather than fight them. We might then be able to connect with a kinder, more effective approach to guiding our focus.

One tool that I suggest in helping to do this is called a Visit.

The Now and the Not Now

Today's episode begins with a common joke in the ADHD community. It goes something like this. There are only two forms of time, the Now and the Not Now. That's the joke. I do think it's funny. This exists and everything else doesn't.

But this insight, captures really the deepest truth of the issue at hand.

This is the source of the river, the beginning of the story for many wandering minds. We have this magnified view of the present moment, the Now vivid, urgent, demanding attention. Meanwhile, this Not Now, whether it's next week's deadline or tomorrow's grocery list or something that's off in the past, these can feel mythical.

Magnified Awareness

Imagine looking through a magnifying lens. At its center, everything is vivid and detailed, but then the edges blur into this obscurity. This magnified mind works similarly, not in space though, but in awareness. We amplify the Now, making it rich and intense. While the Not Now --future plans, past commitments, meanings outside of our current awareness-- these fade into this distant haze.

This heightened focus can be both a gift and a challenge. On the one hand, it allows for deep engagement and creativity. While on the other, it can make navigating daily life feel overwhelming. Imagine walking around with magnifying lenses over your eyes all day.

This magnified awareness can be the centerpiece of a wandering mind's beauties and troubles.

There are many ways that a magnified awareness can lead to so much of what we see, and I'm sure I'll get into several of these in future episodes. For the moment though, I'd like to highlight that our emotions themselves are huge. The emotions of worry of, "I don't wanna" of, "I'd really rather do that"- all of them in this massive size- become consuming.

They become our worlds. The feeling of working against them, such as when some important task is projecting dread, or even the difficulty of transition from one state to another, from one work to another, from the couch to somewhere else. We're often faced with that internal sense that says,

"No."

Introducing a "Visit" as a Unit of Work

As I mentioned in the introduction, there is this particular tool that I find to be powerfully helpful, a wonderful ally for a wandering mind to deal with this magnified world.

It helps in managing procrastination and the difficulty of engaging in as well as finding play and a sense of agency and much more.

It brings a gentler approach to focus. Rather than forcing yourself into action, we're looking for some way to be deliberate, but at the same time flexible.

This unit of work is called a Visit.

Now, what do I mean by a visit? Well, a visit is this.

First, choose some focus, something you want to engage with, whatever it is. It could be something fun, or it could be something you're dreading or anything in between. An example could be playing a game it could be dealing with taxes. Whatever it is that you decide.

Second, be with that focus. Either go to it or bring it to you.

Third, not at all necessary but preferable is to set distractions aside.

Fourth, stay for at least one deep breath of time. That's it. One deep breath.

What you've done is brought yourself to the Edge of Action. You're not forcing yourself, you're not making yourself do anything beyond being there for that single deep breath. At this Edge of Action, you can take a step forward as easily as you can take a step back.

It's no longer about you getting there. It's about you deciding for yourself. Is this a good idea at this moment or not? Weighing whatever emotional world you have in you and around you.

Now, fifth, optionally, you can nudge it forward, you can take that small step if it feels like something you'd like to do. You can take another step and even get into a flow and keep going for as long as makes sense to you. Or

Sixth vitally. You can leave at any time, including after that single deep breath, having done absolutely nothing.

Lastly, seventh, if the work is not done, consider if you'd like to make another visit sometime. And if so, would it be useful to schedule that? It's often useful to do this with some daily pace, and the seventh one takes care of itself that way.

At this point, mark it complete. You've made the visit whether you did anything beyond that deep breath or not.

Again, a Visit can be as short as one single deep breath, or it can extend into deeper work. It's entirely up to you. The key is to be there to fully engage that present sense of agency where you can make a decision for yourself in that moment.

Benefits of a Visit

Doing this might seem odd. What do you get out of it? Especially if you wind up doing nothing?

In directly exposing yourself to the emotions of the work where it can start bubbling up in mind, maybe between visits or just in the moment. Primarily what a visit does is that it heightens your sense of agency. This central concept of agency is about how do you help support yourself, make your own decisions in the moments that make sense to you.

In this way, visits become powerful. They help you gain that curiosity and kindness because they come from a place where you can decide for yourself if this makes sense to you or not, even in difficult conditions. And this is how visits align with how a wandering mind naturally operates.

They can help us to organize our work in ways that honor our unique rhythms, where we are in the moment. They transform overwhelming tasks into approachable moments as they become their own units of work, things that we can manage and orchestrate throughout our days.

When engaged regularly and in a rhythm, for example, daily, we can start leveraging this powerful wave of momentum that we can ride and carry ourselves on. With practice, you can even release your dependency on deadlines.

Instead of battling against our minds tendencies, visits help us work with them, turning this magnified awareness into an ally rather than an obstacle.

Certainly there's more to be said about this. How do you start things? How do you end things? How do you stay with things? How do you arrange the day? And much, much more. But this is a good place to start. Clients and students of mine who have given this a try, especially a daily try, often come away, noting how surprisingly engaging and useful a visit can be.

Take Away and a PDF

As a takeaway, maybe consider some piece of work that you have in your world, whether you dread it or you like it, whatever makes sense to you. What if you tried to approach it as a visit, where you show up, take one single deep breath, and then decide what you'd like to do at that time?

If you want something written down that'll help you walk through this, even show you how to do this with a simple reminder app , head over to RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit. So rhythms is plural and rhythm starts with RHY RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit.

And you can enter your email address somewhere on there. You will sign up for the Weekly Wind Down newsletter, and then you'll get this free PDF that'll walk you through it.

A Piano Lesson

Now this idea of a visit being a unit of work was born as a result of a lesson that I'd received from my piano teacher, Marie, years and years ago. She's someone that I respect deeply and more so with every day that passes.

There was a series of weeks where I just wasn't practicing. I thought the lessons themselves were enough, and my teacher Marie thought otherwise and said,

"You know, I understand you're busy. Maybe you're tired. I think you probably have quite a lot to do, and maybe you wanna spend time with your friends, maybe do some homework. Here's what I suggest. No matter how tired you are, how busy you...]]>What do you do when you struggle to engage? In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore how wandering minds-especially those with ADHD-can find a gentler, more sustainable path to meaningful productivity.

We'll explore a "Visit" as a unit of work, a simple, agency-enhancing practice that transforms focus from a battle into a series of mindful, approachable steps.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

- Why honoring your mind’s natural rhythms can unlock creativity and reduce overwhelm

- How the “visit” approach helps you engage with work through curiosity, not force

- Practical ways to build momentum and agency-one gentle step at a time

Key takeaways:

- Try a “visit”: Show up for a task, even for just a deep breath, and decide your next step from there

- Use rhythm, not rigidity: Let daily, mindful visits build sustainable progress

Plus, enjoy a piano performance of Beethoven's Sonata number 14, second movement, a result of a series of visits.

Subscribe for more at rhythmsoffocus.com

Links

• Waves of Focus: Guiding the Wandering Mind

Keywords

#ADHD #WanderingMinds #MindfulProductivity #Agency #GentleFocus #CreativeMomentum #VisitMethod #Neurodiversity #RhythmOverRigidity #SelfCompassion

Transcript

Is a wandering mind really about a lack of discipline? What if it's instead more about being deeply attuned to the present moment, experiencing The Now with vivid intensity? When we see it that way, we might be more inclined to honor our mind's, natural rhythms rather than fight them. We might then be able to connect with a kinder, more effective approach to guiding our focus.

One tool that I suggest in helping to do this is called a Visit.

The Now and the Not Now

Today's episode begins with a common joke in the ADHD community. It goes something like this. There are only two forms of time, the Now and the Not Now. That's the joke. I do think it's funny. This exists and everything else doesn't.

But this insight, captures really the deepest truth of the issue at hand.

This is the source of the river, the beginning of the story for many wandering minds. We have this magnified view of the present moment, the Now vivid, urgent, demanding attention. Meanwhile, this Not Now, whether it's next week's deadline or tomorrow's grocery list or something that's off in the past, these can feel mythical.

Magnified Awareness

Imagine looking through a magnifying lens. At its center, everything is vivid and detailed, but then the edges blur into this obscurity. This magnified mind works similarly, not in space though, but in awareness. We amplify the Now, making it rich and intense. While the Not Now --future plans, past commitments, meanings outside of our current awareness-- these fade into this distant haze.

This heightened focus can be both a gift and a challenge. On the one hand, it allows for deep engagement and creativity. While on the other, it can make navigating daily life feel overwhelming. Imagine walking around with magnifying lenses over your eyes all day.

This magnified awareness can be the centerpiece of a wandering mind's beauties and troubles.

There are many ways that a magnified awareness can lead to so much of what we see, and I'm sure I'll get into several of these in future episodes. For the moment though, I'd like to highlight that our emotions themselves are huge. The emotions of worry of, "I don't wanna" of, "I'd really rather do that"- all of them in this massive size- become consuming.

They become our worlds. The feeling of working against them, such as when some important task is projecting dread, or even the difficulty of transition from one state to another, from one work to another, from the couch to somewhere else. We're often faced with that internal sense that says,

"No."

Introducing a "Visit" as a Unit of Work

As I mentioned in the introduction, there is this particular tool that I find to be powerfully helpful, a wonderful ally for a wandering mind to deal with this magnified world.

It helps in managing procrastination and the difficulty of engaging in as well as finding play and a sense of agency and much more.

It brings a gentler approach to focus. Rather than forcing yourself into action, we're looking for some way to be deliberate, but at the same time flexible.

This unit of work is called a Visit.

Now, what do I mean by a visit? Well, a visit is this.

First, choose some focus, something you want to engage with, whatever it is. It could be something fun, or it could be something you're dreading or anything in between. An example could be playing a game it could be dealing with taxes. Whatever it is that you decide.

Second, be with that focus. Either go to it or bring it to you.

Third, not at all necessary but preferable is to set distractions aside.

Fourth, stay for at least one deep breath of time. That's it. One deep breath.

What you've done is brought yourself to the Edge of Action. You're not forcing yourself, you're not making yourself do anything beyond being there for that single deep breath. At this Edge of Action, you can take a step forward as easily as you can take a step back.

It's no longer about you getting there. It's about you deciding for yourself. Is this a good idea at this moment or not? Weighing whatever emotional world you have in you and around you.

Now, fifth, optionally, you can nudge it forward, you can take that small step if it feels like something you'd like to do. You can take another step and even get into a flow and keep going for as long as makes sense to you. Or

Sixth vitally. You can leave at any time, including after that single deep breath, having done absolutely nothing.

Lastly, seventh, if the work is not done, consider if you'd like to make another visit sometime. And if so, would it be useful to schedule that? It's often useful to do this with some daily pace, and the seventh one takes care of itself that way.

At this point, mark it complete. You've made the visit whether you did anything beyond that deep breath or not.

Again, a Visit can be as short as one single deep breath, or it can extend into deeper work. It's entirely up to you. The key is to be there to fully engage that present sense of agency where you can make a decision for yourself in that moment.

Benefits of a Visit

Doing this might seem odd. What do you get out of it? Especially if you wind up doing nothing?

In directly exposing yourself to the emotions of the work where it can start bubbling up in mind, maybe between visits or just in the moment. Primarily what a visit does is that it heightens your sense of agency. This central concept of agency is about how do you help support yourself, make your own decisions in the moments that make sense to you.

In this way, visits become powerful. They help you gain that curiosity and kindness because they come from a place where you can decide for yourself if this makes sense to you or not, even in difficult conditions. And this is how visits align with how a wandering mind naturally operates.

They can help us to organize our work in ways that honor our unique rhythms, where we are in the moment. They transform overwhelming tasks into approachable moments as they become their own units of work, things that we can manage and orchestrate throughout our days.

When engaged regularly and in a rhythm, for example, daily, we can start leveraging this powerful wave of momentum that we can ride and carry ourselves on. With practice, you can even release your dependency on deadlines.

Instead of battling against our minds tendencies, visits help us work with them, turning this magnified awareness into an ally rather than an obstacle.

Certainly there's more to be said about this. How do you start things? How do you end things? How do you stay with things? How do you arrange the day? And much, much more. But this is a good place to start. Clients and students of mine who have given this a try, especially a daily try, often come away, noting how surprisingly engaging and useful a visit can be.

Take Away and a PDF

As a takeaway, maybe consider some piece of work that you have in your world, whether you dread it or you like it, whatever makes sense to you. What if you tried to approach it as a visit, where you show up, take one single deep breath, and then decide what you'd like to do at that time?

If you want something written down that'll help you walk through this, even show you how to do this with a simple reminder app , head over to RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit. So rhythms is plural and rhythm starts with RHY RhythmsOfFocus.com/Visit.

And you can enter your email address somewhere on there. You will sign up for the Weekly Wind Down newsletter, and then you'll get this free PDF that'll walk you through it.

A Piano Lesson

Now this idea of a visit being a unit of work was born as a result of a lesson that I'd received from my piano teacher, Marie, years and years ago. She's someone that I respect deeply and more so with every day that passes.

There was a series of weeks where I just wasn't practicing. I thought the lessons themselves were enough, and my teacher Marie thought otherwise and said,

"You know, I understand you're busy. Maybe you're tired. I think you probably have quite a lot to do, and maybe you wanna spend time with your friends, maybe do some homework. Here's what I suggest. No matter how tired you are, how busy you are, if you can physically do so, at least once a day, touch the piano keys. Just touch them."

It seems odd to just touch the piano keys, but she was right. There's something absolutely crucial to that daily visit that happens in any craft, in anything we do.

Even if it's for only a moment, we expose ourselves to the emotions that are there. It helps keep the fires burning and gives wind to the sails. It starts the spark. This idea of touching the keys has since become so much of how I conduct my day and get through to things.

It's the reason why I can have a podcast, play at the piano, conduct my business as a therapist, a psychiatrist, be with my family, and more.

Beethoven's Sonata #14, Second Movement

The following piece of music is a result of a series of visits, it's not my own music, it's not my own composition. It's Beethoven's. It's a lovely piece. It's a second movement of the Sonata, number 14, also known as the Moonlight Sonata, and I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

]]>84b1a2a8-25ef-423d-bcc9-549205a26731Thu, 08 May 2025 14:00:00 -050013:26truefull14413. A Wandering Mind's Struggles with SuccessSummary

In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore the hidden struggles behind the appearance of success. Many people believe that achieving a goal—whether it’s landing a job, excelling in school, or maintaining relationships—will bring relief. Yet, even after “making it,” the challenges often persist in subtler and more exhausting ways. We delve into the pressures of maintaining the veneer of success, the misunderstandings neurodivergent individuals face, and the relentless mental gymnastics required to stay afloat.

We discuss how wandering minds can embrace their unique rhythms instead of hiding them. You’ll learn practical strategies, including a simple exercise to support your thoughts during conversations, reclaim agency in relationships, and lighten the invisible weights of daily maintenance.

This episode is an invitation to rethink success and discover ways to navigate life with greater ease and authenticity.

Timestamps

00:00 A Wandering Mind's Struggles with Success

00:24 The Veneer of Success

02:29 The Pressure to Perform

04:16 The Burden of Misinterpretation

06:06 A Simple Exercise: Supporting Your Wandering Mind

08:12 Lifting Unnecessary Weights

08:36 Risk

09:28 Rolling Clouds

Keywords

#ADHDstruggles

#WanderingMind

#SuccessPressure

#FocusChallenges

#Neurodivergence

#ProductivityTips

#SelfCompassion

#CreativityAndGrowth

#MentalHealthSupport

#RhythmsOfFocus

#ADHD

Transcript

 Do you ever find yourself sitting in a meeting with no idea of what's going on? You might wonder, do these people know what they're even talking about? It seems like they're responding to each other. Why am I not getting it?

So then you nod politely and try to figure out what's going on later.

Later comes and you need to be doing something else. And meanwhile, you've just received two calls, five emails, and they all need responses, too.

The Veneer of Success

It can be a terrible struggle to just make it, to get a job, to do well at school, to maintain a relationship or something similar. If I could only just get there, things will be so much better. And then for many of you who do appear to have made it, the pain doesn't let up. It only changes.

You've got a job, you show up to work. Maybe even on time, people seem to think that you know what you're doing, but inside, sometimes it feels like the seams are barely being held together. Your mind continues to race just as it ever has. You've, uh, set a hundred timers and think, wait, is this the one that I should be paying attention to? And maybe blow this one off and keep doing what you're doing. Or maybe you're in a meeting and someone adds a thought and your mind goes somewhere else.

The Pressure to Perform

Boredom will swallow you at any moment, and you catch yourself tapping your foot again and No, no, I gotta stop and maybe I'm bugging other people. Or maybe that's just not the sense of what's going on. Or maybe it's just me or I don't know.

"I wonder if these people know what they're talking about?" While you're sitting in the meeting.

It seems like other people are responding. You clearly know what's going on. Why am I not getting it? So then you nod politely and try to figure out what's going on later. Later comes and you need to be doing something else. And meanwhile, you've just received two calls, five emails, and they all need responses, too.

And then you decide, okay, I'll stay late again. The thing is, is that you do have strengths, so you maybe decide to rely on that part of your mind that runs fast, that part of you, that can get a ton done under a lot of pressure, but now you're chronically under pressure and it's exhausting and above all, you don't wanna look incompetent.

You want to keep that veneer of success. It means so much though that you've been able to make it there. So it's, how dare I even call it a veneer? It's a thing. It's there! The years of work, medications, therapy, teachers, even loved ones who didn't think you could make it. Maybe you can't let them have the satisfaction or the knowledge of seeing that you've feel like you've barely kept it together.

Maybe you care about them too much to let them know how much you continue to suffer. Every day, the struggles to keep it together continue.

We can wonder how is this so easy for everyone else?

A Wandering Mind's difficulties are not simple.

It goes beyond just getting there. That may not seem fair, but that does seem to be the way it is.

The Burden of Misinterpretation

I've heard in a number of situations where a person's gone in to see a psychiatrist and they're told, "Well, you've been able to get there. You've got the PhD, you've got whatever degree, you've got, whatever job relationship. Clearly you don't have it."

They've missed the idea of how much work you've put into creating those compensatory measures, and now it's as if they're punishing you for it.

And the same thing goes beyond the professionals we meet. It's in the people that we see every day. You're talking and your mind seems to have gone elsewhere. They just said something and you have to say, "oh, I'm sorry I wasn't listening." If you can even get to that place. Suddenly you're assigned this idea of, "Oh, I don't think you care," as opposed to, "No, I had an association and my thought ran somewhere else."

It's not like it's easy to wrangle a thought, bring it somewhere, place it somewhere without the fear that you'd lose it eventually.

It doesn't mean that we're not responsible for ourselves. I don't say these things in order to say, "Hey, world accommodate us!"

One of several unfortunate things about accommodations is that they can often create resentment and as much as we might like them, we're still responsible for making it through the day, for dealing with time, dealing with clocks in a way that's beyond our own self time and more.

But I think it's too often that we confuse these pressures to be something that says we need to hide that sense of wandering. I would rather consider how we can use it . How can we find some rhythm between that playfulness, that creativity, that intuitiveness, that flow of associations in a way that works with the worlds that we're in, in a way that helps us connect with sometimes even the mundane or the slower parts of the worlds that we need to be in.

A Simple Exercise: Supporting Your Wandering Mind

I'll give you a simple, concrete exercise. Simple, but I don't think it's easy.

You may well have heard it before and I'll even lighten it up a bit. The usual suggestion starts with encouraging you carry a pad of paper and pen with you wherever you go, and I do like that suggestion. I'm a big fan of it and do it myself, but I encourage even a smaller step, which is try this once, one day, see what happens, and here's what to do with it.

At some point that day while you're in a conversation with someone, my guess is that, as a wandering mind, you're gonna have a lot of associations, thoughts that relate to whatever, multiple thoughts and emotions that are already on your mind right now. Some related to the conversation and some not.

But the worry is, is that you can't interrupt them without being considered rude or something along those lines. But now you're also dealing with that part of you that says that if I lose the thought, now I'm going to lose it for good, unless I do something with it right now.

Pull out the pad and take notes.

Here you have the pen and paper to write down your thought. You can support yourself. You can still ask for a moment, perhaps you can say, uh, maybe even telegraph that by writing itself, just pulling out the pad and pen and starting to write.

Maybe write something down about the conversation you wanna come back to. That way you can continue with the flow where it is. Or maybe you're just writing down some grocery list item that came to mind. Whatever it is, you can return to that conversation more fully engaged now.

Yes. You are advertising that you're supporting yourself and your thoughts, and in advertising you may well be rejected, scorned, looked down by whoever's there that you're talking to.

They can decide however they want to conduct the relationship with you, but so can you, so, as I said, simple but not easy.

Lifting Unnecessary Weights

Even though you may well have made it or maybe you haven't made it, whatever, making it means to you, if you still have that sense of struggling, I wonder if there's still ways that you can make things easier for yourself.

And I also wonder how much of those ways might be hidden from yourself in trying to lift weights of maintenance that don't really need to be there.

Risk & "Rolling Clouds"

One thing you might notice about the music I tend to write is that it has a unique voice, and that comes from playing with what I find to be the fundamentals of the work of the, of the music.

It also comes from taking on risk. And in this case, when I was beginning this particular piece, it sounded silly childlike. Somewhere I decided though that if someone heard it as silly and childlike well, I'll let them. That's fine. But it's easier to say that than to work through the feelings of it.

I can't ignore it. I don't think I've ever really won an argument with an emotion. I can be with it though. Anyway. In this case, this is called Rolling Clouds. It's in B Flat major. Another sort of gentle piece, and I hope you like it.

‌

]]>Summary

In this episode of Rhythms of Focus, we explore the hidden struggles behind the appearance of success. Many people believe that achieving a goal—whether it’s landing a job, excelling in school, or maintaining relationships—will bring relief. Yet, even after “making it,” the challenges often persist in subtler and more exhausting ways. We delve into the pressures of maintaining the veneer of success, the misunderstandings neurodivergent individuals face, and the relentless mental gymnastics required to stay afloat.

We discuss how wandering minds can embrace their unique rhythms instead of hiding them. You’ll learn practical strategies, including a simple exercise to support your thoughts during conversations, reclaim agency in relationships, and lighten the invisible weights of daily maintenance.

This episode is an invitation to rethink success and discover ways to navigate life with greater ease and authenticity.

Timestamps

00:00 A Wandering Mind's Struggles with Success

00:24 The Veneer of Success

02:29 The Pressure to Perform

04:16 The Burden of Misinterpretation

06:06 A Simple Exercise: Supporting Your Wandering Mind

08:12 Lifting Unnecessary Weights

08:36 Risk

09:28 Rolling Clouds

Keywords

#ADHDstruggles

#WanderingMind

#SuccessPressure

#FocusChallenges

#Neurodivergence

#ProductivityTips

#SelfCompassion

#CreativityAndGrowth

#MentalHealthSupport

#RhythmsOfFocus

#ADHD

Transcript

 Do you ever find yourself sitting in a meeting with no idea of what's going on? You might wonder, do these people know what they're even talking about? It seems like they're responding to each other. Why am I not getting it?

So then you nod politely and try to figure out what's going on later.

Later comes and you need to be doing something else. And meanwhile, you've just received two calls, five emails, and they all need responses, too.

The Veneer of Success

It can be a terrible struggle to just make it, to get a job, to do well at school, to maintain a relationship or something similar. If I could only just get there, things will be so much better. And then for many of you who do appear to have made it, the pain doesn't let up. It only changes.

You've got a job, you show up to work. Maybe even on time, people seem to think that you know what you're doing, but inside, sometimes it feels like the seams are barely being held together. Your mind continues to race just as it ever has. You've, uh, set a hundred timers and think, wait, is this the one that I should be paying attention to? And maybe blow this one off and keep doing what you're doing. Or maybe you're in a meeting and someone adds a thought and your mind goes somewhere else.

The Pressure to Perform

Boredom will swallow you at any moment, and you catch yourself tapping your foot again and No, no, I gotta stop and maybe I'm bugging other people. Or maybe that's just not the sense of what's going on. Or maybe it's just me or I don't know.

"I wonder if these people know what they're talking about?" While you're sitting in the meeting.

It seems like other people are responding. You clearly know what's going on. Why am I not getting it? So then you nod politely and try to figure out what's going on later. Later comes and you need to be doing something else. And meanwhile, you've just received two calls, five emails, and they all need responses, too.

And then you decide, okay, I'll stay late again. The thing is, is that you do have strengths, so you maybe decide to rely on that part of your mind that runs fast, that part of you, that can get a ton done under a lot of pressure, but now you're chronically under pressure and it's exhausting and above all, you don't wanna look incompetent.

You want to keep that veneer of success. It means so much though that you've been able to make it there. So it's, how dare I even call it a veneer? It's a thing. It's there! The years of work, medications, therapy, teachers, even loved ones who didn't think you could make it. Maybe you can't let them have the satisfaction or the knowledge of seeing that you've feel like you've barely kept it together.

Maybe you care about them too much to let them know how much you continue to suffer. Every day, the struggles to keep it together continue.

We can wonder how is this so easy for everyone else?

A Wandering Mind's difficulties are not simple.

It goes beyond just getting there. That may not seem fair, but that does seem to be the way it is.

The Burden of Misinterpretation

I've heard in a number of situations where a person's gone in to see a psychiatrist and they're told, "Well, you've been able to get there. You've got the PhD, you've got whatever degree, you've got, whatever job relationship. Clearly you don't have it."

They've missed the idea of how much work you've put into creating those compensatory measures, and now it's as if they're punishing you for it.

And the same thing goes beyond the professionals we meet. It's in the people that we see every day. You're talking and your mind seems to have gone elsewhere. They just said something and you have to say, "oh, I'm sorry I wasn't listening." If you can even get to that place. Suddenly you're assigned this idea of, "Oh, I don't think you care," as opposed to, "No, I had an association and my thought ran somewhere else."

It's not like it's easy to wrangle a thought, bring it somewhere, place it somewhere without the fear that you'd lose it eventually.

It doesn't mean that we're not responsible for ourselves. I don't say these things in order to say, "Hey, world accommodate us!"

One of several unfortunate things about accommodations is that they can often create resentment and as much as we might like them, we're still responsible for making it through the day, for dealing with time, dealing with clocks in a way that's beyond our own self time and more.

But I think it's too often that we confuse these pressures to be something that says we need to hide that sense of wandering. I would rather consider how we can use it . How can we find some rhythm between that playfulness, that creativity, that intuitiveness, that flow of associations in a way that works with the worlds that we're in, in a way that helps us connect with sometimes even the mundane or the slower parts of the worlds that we need to be in.

A Simple Exercise: Supporting Your Wandering Mind

I'll give you a simple, concrete exercise. Simple, but I don't think it's easy.

You may well have heard it before and I'll even lighten it up a bit. The usual suggestion starts with encouraging you carry a pad of paper and pen with you wherever you go, and I do like that suggestion. I'm a big fan of it and do it myself, but I encourage even a smaller step, which is try this once, one day, see what happens, and here's what to do with it.

At some point that day while you're in a conversation with someone, my guess is that, as a wandering mind, you're gonna have a lot of associations, thoughts that relate to whatever, multiple thoughts and emotions that are already on your mind right now. Some related to the conversation and some not.

But the worry is, is that you can't interrupt them without being considered rude or something along those lines. But now you're also dealing with that part of you that says that if I lose the thought, now I'm going to lose it for good, unless I do something with it right now.

Pull out the pad and take notes.

Here you have the pen and paper to write down your thought. You can support yourself. You can still ask for a moment, perhaps you can say, uh, maybe even telegraph that by writing itself, just pulling out the pad and pen and starting to write.

Maybe write something down about the conversation you wanna come back to. That way you can continue with the flow where it is. Or maybe you're just writing down some grocery list item that came to mind. Whatever it is, you can return to that conversation more fully engaged now.

Yes. You are advertising that you're supporting yourself and your thoughts, and in advertising you may well be rejected, scorned, looked down by whoever's there that you're talking to.

They can decide however they want to conduct the relationship with you, but so can you, so, as I said, simple but not easy.

Lifting Unnecessary Weights

Even though you may well have made it or maybe you haven't made it, whatever, making it means to you, if you still have that sense of struggling, I wonder if there's still ways that you can make things easier for yourself.

And I also wonder how much of those ways might be hidden from yourself in trying to lift weights of maintenance that don't really need to be there.

Risk & "Rolling Clouds"

One thing you might notice about the music I tend to write is that it has a unique voice, and that comes from playing with what I find to be the fundamentals of the work of the, of the music.

It also comes from taking on risk. And in this case, when I was beginning this particular piece, it sounded silly childlike. Somewhere I decided though that if someone heard it as silly and childlike well, I'll let them. That's fine. But it's easier to say that than to work through the feelings of it.

I can't ignore it. I don't think I've ever really won an argument with an emotion. I can be with it though. Anyway. In this case, this is called Rolling Clouds. It's in B Flat major. Another sort of gentle piece, and I hope you like it.

‌

]]>d6199b29-5395-44a8-8078-58b8c2309337Thu, 01 May 2025 14:00:00 -050012:24truefull13312. Work, Play, and the Wandering MindSummary

In this episode of "Rhythms of Focus," we explore the intricate relationship between work, play, and the wandering mind. We consider how an overabundance of creativity can lead to focus challenges, and consider a fresh perspective on productivity that embraces playfulness.

Key takeaways

1. The struggles of a wandering mind often stem from an overabundance of creativity.

2. Mastery and meaningful work develop from guided play.

3. Success is a continuously shifting flow of question, movement, discovery, and curiosity.

Dr. Dini challenges the cultural divide between work and play, encouraging listeners to find strength in their union. He emphasizes the importance of organizing and developing processes that honor individual creativity and work styles. The episode concludes with a musical piece composed by Dr. Dini, illustrating the ephemeral nature of creative work.

Time Stamps

00:00 Work, Play, and the Wandering Mind

02:24 The Seriousness of Play

03:43 Guiding Play Into Meaningful Work

04:18 The Cultural Divide Between Work and Play

04:51 A Seinfeld Lesson: The Cost of Disconnected Work

06:50 Flow as Success: A New Definition of Work

07:46 The Individual Spirit: Organizing Without Stifling Creativity

09:34 One Approach in Guiding Play Into Mastery

Keywords

#ADHDCreativity #GuidedPlay #MeaningfulWork #ProductivityMindset #WorkPlayBalance #WanderingMind #CreativeFlow #MasteryJourney #FocusChallenges #NeurodivergentThinking

Transcript

 Sometimes work is simply a drudgery.

There's no getting around it. But I do wonder how often that sense might also come from how we're defining work. Maybe more to the point how we define our success in doing it. Maybe we use these external benchmarks of achieving some score or some milestone and the like.

And certainly these can be important, vital, even. But I also wonder, could we be leaving out something even more vital, something that connects to us. Could we instead look at it this way? That success instead is a continuously shifting flow where that nameless wordless spirit of question and movement, discovery and curiosity offers something to the world, which then that world in turn supports us in our paths of maturing that spirit.

I like that definition of work.

The Seriousness of Play

I want to start by sharing a quote.

 "Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play." Hericlitus, 535 to 475 bc. Now, I don't know anything about this guy, but I really do like that quote.

Now, how does this relate to a wandering mind, like ADHD, among others?

One view I like to take is that the struggles of a wandering mind can come from an overabundance of creativity.

Right? That spirit of creativity. And the soul of it itself is play, is it not? It's where creativity flows within and through.

It's when that flow becomes over abundant that we can struggle with how we relate to the worlds that we're in. One moment we can be deeply engaged, thrilled to be there, and other moments were overwhelmed, jumping from one thing to the next, never fully catching anything, forgetting, losing things, trying to figure out what the next deadline is.

The boundaries can just somehow become too porous to hold on to anything. It's hard. And then we crash, exhausted, unable to engage much at all, let alone deal with those things that feel that might be important, but somehow continue to elude our attention.

Guiding Play Into Meaningful Work

We can't really tell play what to do. Meanwhile, it's a powerful force. So the importance of figuring out ways to guide it within us, I think is there. I like to think of things in this almost positive way however-- that there's this playful, creative force that we're trying to deal with, that we need to guide. Because then it becomes more about practicing for a goal rather than trying to run away from something else.

I've said before, and I'll say it again:

"Mastery and meaningful work developed from guided play and care."

The Cultural Divide Between Work and Play

Too often, I think because of the troubles we get into with that overabundance of creativity, we end up seeing that spirit of play to be at odds with work. And our culture supports that sense too. We raise our geniuses and champions on our shoulders and say, "Hey, aren't they amazing in how they work" without ever truly acknowledging relishing, thinking about that practice of harnessing and even delighting in play --the things that they did early on in the way to get to where they are.

A Seinfeld Lesson: The Cost of Disconnected Work

Let me play this clip here from the show Seinfeld that I think describes this problem.

George Costanza, this character pretends to work by being annoyed. He scrunches his face, he grunts even though he has nothing about which to complain. Meanwhile, others think he's working hard and leaving him alone.

His workers look at him in awe of his work ethic and he does nothing of use, and it's funny, but there's always that grain of truth within the joke.

His work is disconnected from that playful sense of self, having spent it in creating a mask to hide himself. He shows the world what he thinks it wants to see in exchange for money and maybe a few empty looks of admiration from his peers.

The cost is major. He lives in this hollow state. He puts on a mask, which functions like any wall. He's trapped within it, unengaged in developing something that feels meaningful.

Now for a wandering mind, again, there can be that overabundance of that creative spirit, and consequently, there's a struggle to guide it certainly. And we still need to do the things that are meaningful to us and don't spark that play in the moment, clearly.

But for today's topic, at least, I wanna stay with this argument that I think we lose something when we paint work to be something in opposition to that playful self, rather than finding the strength in their union.

Flow as Success: A New Definition of Work

You know, what if we looked at it that way? That success instead is a continuously shifting flow where that nameless, wordless spirit of question and movement, discovery and curiosity offers something to the world, which then that world in turn supports us in our paths of maturing that spirit.

I like that definition of work.

Masters of a field regularly will take time and attention in some path of practice, study creation, organizing. Whenever we see that master at their craft, that quiet smile that shows up in the middle of otherwise massive feats shows a clear beauty of that playful spirit flowing through the work. If there's a commonality to those who achieve productivity, mastery, development in their life and work, this ability has to be in there somewhere.

The Individual Spirit: Organizing Without Stifling Creativity

Now, there's something crucial to that play that I haven't said here, and namely that it's profoundly unique to the individual. Concepts of work and organizing are often filled with the sense that they would stifle play rather than enhance it.

And many look at habit and routine and careful arrangements of the environment organizing by this, that, or the other, and they worry that these things, these ways that other people work on their paths could destroy that sense within themselves.

And they believe it's not gonna work for them. And I think they're right.

Organizing, developing, processing, practicing, movement, all of these need to take the individual spirit into account-- that unique relationship between self and world.

That's not to say that we don't study, we don't learn, but we take and we adapt to that central spirit that we have within ourselves, that nameless, wordless place, and that's the work of guiding play into mastery and meaningful work.

So next time you're engaged in that place of flow, exploring self and world, realize consciously how you're organizing to have it directly work with you.

Whether you're trying to make things easier to get to, trying to get things out of your way, it means you don't need to use somebody else's color coordination scheme or alphabetizing methods or whatever.

You can study it, you can look at it, but somewhere you need to make it your own. It has to connect and support you with where you are.

One Approach in Guiding Play Into Mastery

Personally, I have a way of creating music that's probably quite unique to me, organized over time and decades at this point, how I record and do things. For today's piece of music, I'll probably never play it again. Many of the pieces I write exist only briefly. It's part of the process that I play them for a few turns, learn 'em, build on them, and then let 'em drift away.

They kind of become fertilizer for another piece somewhere down the line that might eventually have greater staying power, maybe not. This is called "Sun Sets On Snow". "Sun" and "Sets" are two separate words. Sun Sets On Snow seems to be one of these pieces that are rather ephemeral, but I enjoy it for the moments that it's here.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

]]>Summary

In this episode of "Rhythms of Focus," we explore the intricate relationship between work, play, and the wandering mind. We consider how an overabundance of creativity can lead to focus challenges, and consider a fresh perspective on productivity that embraces playfulness.

Key takeaways

1. The struggles of a wandering mind often stem from an overabundance of creativity.

2. Mastery and meaningful work develop from guided play.

3. Success is a continuously shifting flow of question, movement, discovery, and curiosity.

Dr. Dini challenges the cultural divide between work and play, encouraging listeners to find strength in their union. He emphasizes the importance of organizing and developing processes that honor individual creativity and work styles. The episode concludes with a musical piece composed by Dr. Dini, illustrating the ephemeral nature of creative work.

Time Stamps

00:00 Work, Play, and the Wandering Mind

02:24 The Seriousness of Play

03:43 Guiding Play Into Meaningful Work

04:18 The Cultural Divide Between Work and Play

04:51 A Seinfeld Lesson: The Cost of Disconnected Work

06:50 Flow as Success: A New Definition of Work

07:46 The Individual Spirit: Organizing Without Stifling Creativity

09:34 One Approach in Guiding Play Into Mastery

Keywords

#ADHDCreativity #GuidedPlay #MeaningfulWork #ProductivityMindset #WorkPlayBalance #WanderingMind #CreativeFlow #MasteryJourney #FocusChallenges #NeurodivergentThinking

Transcript

 Sometimes work is simply a drudgery.

There's no getting around it. But I do wonder how often that sense might also come from how we're defining work. Maybe more to the point how we define our success in doing it. Maybe we use these external benchmarks of achieving some score or some milestone and the like.

And certainly these can be important, vital, even. But I also wonder, could we be leaving out something even more vital, something that connects to us. Could we instead look at it this way? That success instead is a continuously shifting flow where that nameless wordless spirit of question and movement, discovery and curiosity offers something to the world, which then that world in turn supports us in our paths of maturing that spirit.

I like that definition of work.

The Seriousness of Play

I want to start by sharing a quote.

 "Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play." Hericlitus, 535 to 475 bc. Now, I don't know anything about this guy, but I really do like that quote.

Now, how does this relate to a wandering mind, like ADHD, among others?

One view I like to take is that the struggles of a wandering mind can come from an overabundance of creativity.

Right? That spirit of creativity. And the soul of it itself is play, is it not? It's where creativity flows within and through.

It's when that flow becomes over abundant that we can struggle with how we relate to the worlds that we're in. One moment we can be deeply engaged, thrilled to be there, and other moments were overwhelmed, jumping from one thing to the next, never fully catching anything, forgetting, losing things, trying to figure out what the next deadline is.

The boundaries can just somehow become too porous to hold on to anything. It's hard. And then we crash, exhausted, unable to engage much at all, let alone deal with those things that feel that might be important, but somehow continue to elude our attention.

Guiding Play Into Meaningful Work

We can't really tell play what to do. Meanwhile, it's a powerful force. So the importance of figuring out ways to guide it within us, I think is there. I like to think of things in this almost positive way however-- that there's this playful, creative force that we're trying to deal with, that we need to guide. Because then it becomes more about practicing for a goal rather than trying to run away from something else.

I've said before, and I'll say it again:

"Mastery and meaningful work developed from guided play and care."

The Cultural Divide Between Work and Play

Too often, I think because of the troubles we get into with that overabundance of creativity, we end up seeing that spirit of play to be at odds with work. And our culture supports that sense too. We raise our geniuses and champions on our shoulders and say, "Hey, aren't they amazing in how they work" without ever truly acknowledging relishing, thinking about that practice of harnessing and even delighting in play --the things that they did early on in the way to get to where they are.

A Seinfeld Lesson: The Cost of Disconnected Work

Let me play this clip here from the show Seinfeld that I think describes this problem.

George Costanza, this character pretends to work by being annoyed. He scrunches his face, he grunts even though he has nothing about which to complain. Meanwhile, others think he's working hard and leaving him alone.

His workers look at him in awe of his work ethic and he does nothing of use, and it's funny, but there's always that grain of truth within the joke.

His work is disconnected from that playful sense of self, having spent it in creating a mask to hide himself. He shows the world what he thinks it wants to see in exchange for money and maybe a few empty looks of admiration from his peers.

The cost is major. He lives in this hollow state. He puts on a mask, which functions like any wall. He's trapped within it, unengaged in developing something that feels meaningful.

Now for a wandering mind, again, there can be that overabundance of that creative spirit, and consequently, there's a struggle to guide it certainly. And we still need to do the things that are meaningful to us and don't spark that play in the moment, clearly.

But for today's topic, at least, I wanna stay with this argument that I think we lose something when we paint work to be something in opposition to that playful self, rather than finding the strength in their union.

Flow as Success: A New Definition of Work

You know, what if we looked at it that way? That success instead is a continuously shifting flow where that nameless, wordless spirit of question and movement, discovery and curiosity offers something to the world, which then that world in turn supports us in our paths of maturing that spirit.

I like that definition of work.

Masters of a field regularly will take time and attention in some path of practice, study creation, organizing. Whenever we see that master at their craft, that quiet smile that shows up in the middle of otherwise massive feats shows a clear beauty of that playful spirit flowing through the work. If there's a commonality to those who achieve productivity, mastery, development in their life and work, this ability has to be in there somewhere.

The Individual Spirit: Organizing Without Stifling Creativity

Now, there's something crucial to that play that I haven't said here, and namely that it's profoundly unique to the individual. Concepts of work and organizing are often filled with the sense that they would stifle play rather than enhance it.

And many look at habit and routine and careful arrangements of the environment organizing by this, that, or the other, and they worry that these things, these ways that other people work on their paths could destroy that sense within themselves.

And they believe it's not gonna work for them. And I think they're right.

Organizing, developing, processing, practicing, movement, all of these need to take the individual spirit into account-- that unique relationship between self and world.

That's not to say that we don't study, we don't learn, but we take and we adapt to that central spirit that we have within ourselves, that nameless, wordless place, and that's the work of guiding play into mastery and meaningful work.

So next time you're engaged in that place of flow, exploring self and world, realize consciously how you're organizing to have it directly work with you.

Whether you're trying to make things easier to get to, trying to get things out of your way, it means you don't need to use somebody else's color coordination scheme or alphabetizing methods or whatever.

You can study it, you can look at it, but somewhere you need to make it your own. It has to connect and support you with where you are.

One Approach in Guiding Play Into Mastery

Personally, I have a way of creating music that's probably quite unique to me, organized over time and decades at this point, how I record and do things. For today's piece of music, I'll probably never play it again. Many of the pieces I write exist only briefly. It's part of the process that I play them for a few turns, learn 'em, build on them, and then let 'em drift away.

They kind of become fertilizer for another piece somewhere down the line that might eventually have greater staying power, maybe not. This is called "Sun Sets On Snow". "Sun" and "Sets" are two separate words. Sun Sets On Snow seems to be one of these pieces that are rather ephemeral, but I enjoy it for the moments that it's here.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

]]>94e80f9a-3029-4215-9870-0cfe93c08735Thu, 01 May 2025 14:00:00 -050013:02falsefull12211. Hello, Fellow Wandering Mind!S01E01 - Rhythms of Focus: Hello, Fellow Wandering Mind!

Summary

In this episode, we explore the concept of a 'Wandering Mind' as an alternative to the medicalized term ADHD, delving into its multifaceted nature encompassing both challenges and beauties. Through personal anecdotes and professional insights, the speaker discusses how societal perceptions often simplify complex symptoms, and advocates for recognizing the meaningful aspects of neurodivergent experiences. The episode promises a journey into understanding how a wandering mind can navigate life, find focus through passion and mastery, and culminates with a musical piece titled 'Belly' that illustrates this path.

Key Points

1. Considering the Wandering Mind

The episode introduces the concept of the "Wandering Mind" as a compassionate, non-pathologizing view of mind. This term emphasizes the universality of mind-wandering and its potential for creativity and connection, rather than framing it as a medicalized problem, while acknowledging thresholds beyond which can be debilitating.

2. Rhythms of Focus and Meaningful Engagement

Focus is presented not as a binary state but as a rhythm that can be orchestrated throughout the day. By balancing engagement and rest, and seeking meaningful connections, individuals can create paths that feel alive and true to their inner selves.

3. Mastery Through Guided Play

The episode highlights the importance of guided play in developing mastery and meaningful work. By connecting with passions and engaging in small, manageable steps, listeners are encouraged to transform frustration into growth and creativity.

00:00 The Power of Words and Identity

02:35 Embracing the Wandering Mind

04:35 The Beauty in Wandering, Nature and Neurodivergence

06:04 Orchestrating Our Days

07:16 The Path of Mastery and Passion

08:23 Music as a Personal Journey & and Invite to Reflect

Transcript

 The Power of Words and Identity

ADHD is a powerful term. It has its strengths, but the word also has its share of troubles. I like the phrase "Wandering Mind" because it helps distance us from that medicalized view. Certainly it's poetic, but it still carries that sense of trouble that we have, but it also opens us up to the beauties of this way of being.

 ADHD is a powerful term. All words are powerful, but this one in particular has caught my eye. We can hold on to these ideas, these words as a part of our identity. It can be a shorthand for this mixed set of symptoms, behaviors, and the like.

We can joke with it, we can cry with it, we can yell at others, don't understand us, and point to various people in lab coats and say, "Hey, look. It's a real thing." We can use it as a shield, even use it against ourselves. We could also use it to support ourselves, have conversations with it, connect, understand things we didn't understand before.

Most any diagnosis, particularly in the mental health field, can have these characteristics. But what is it?

Embracing the Wandering Mind

While I do diagnose ADHD, I treat and prescribe around it. I've also grown to use the words "Wandering Mind." Now, why would I go and do that?

Well, first of all, it's not medical. There's nothing good or bad about it. Second, everyone's mind wanders, some certainly more than others, some at different times of life, some at different times of day, sometimes particularly after a stressful event.

You see, there are many ways to arrive at a wandering mind.

I remember one of my first days as a doctor, this young intern, a nurse, had approached me to tell me that a patient that was now in my care had a fever of 101. Could I give them this order to prescribe something to break the fever?

There were two problems with this. One it wouldn't tell me where the fever was coming from. There are many ways that a fever can show up and to simply hide the symptom might, might even make it harder to figure out what's going on.

Secondly, fevers can be very beneficial. Within a certain range, they help the body mount a better immune response.

Simply looking at the numbers, the symptoms, and saying, "Hey, go away," is the same as shooting the messenger, even when the messenger's news was good. I think too often we look at our symptoms and say, alright, these troubles that we have, the mind is going faster than we can keep up with. And "hey, this is bad. Let's get rid of it."

As a society, we fall into these sorts of ruts. We decide on a thing as being good or bad, and then cast our pronouncements on them and yell at them forever.

The Beauty in Wandering, Nature and What Feels Real

That phrase, "Wandering Mind" again carries trouble, but also beauty.

We engage, we disengage. We don't just follow whim. We follow what feels true, true to the moment and true to ourselves. Why pursue something that feels dry dying when there's something else that sparks us to life?

In fact, one of the things that I've noticed about wandering minds is not only the want, but perhaps even a need. To hold on to the things that feel real, things that connect with us, things that have meaning.

This is why I think that many with ADHD, autism, or neurodivergent, or the like, feel more at ease when in nature. There's something about it that connects to us. Something feels real.

And this is why I think many also get called oppositional in school. It's not that they're oppositional for the sake of it, it's that they recognize something doesn't feel real. They ask,

"When am I gonna use this?"

That question can become this genuine attempt to connect with something within.

Unfortunately we do also need to do the things that don't connect with us in that way, in that moment. We might look at a thing and say, oh, that's important to do, or else something bad will happen. Or maybe that's important because something good will happen, but it's not revving our engines in the moment.

And there are many of these sorts of things to do.

Orchestrating Our Days

So over the course of this podcast, I'll be visiting, revisiting, investigating, looking at the world through the eyes of the Wandering Mind.

I've titled this Rhythms of Focus because I don't think our focus is a thing that we turn on or off. We have those times where we get into something, dive in, dive deep, and we have those times where it's a struggle to make anything happen.

But I think there are ways that we can orchestrate our days, create these rhythms between what works. We can bounce between this and that, engaging here and there, in ways that help us move forward such that they feel meaningful to us.

We can think about resting, for example. But what is resting? It's not just lying down and closing our eyes, though sometimes it is that. But it's often about doing something else.

So if we can figure out the ways these things can compliment each other, we can create paths that work for us. We can engage the rhythms of our days, shape them as we'd like so that they can work in our favor.

Mastery as an Organizing Force

Now, one thing in particular that seems to help a Wandering Mind is a path of mastery or perhaps passion. And what do I mean by that?

I use these terms to mean something that we connect with viscerally, that nonverbal space somewhere that we understand something.

While we certainly can study and maybe get into things that others say, it's still about having this way of measuring it internally in that primal world . It's where we can play and care about those experiential atoms of the universe.

A mantra I often use and return to is:

"Mastery and meaningful work, develop from guided play and care."

I will say that again. Mastery and meaningful work develop from guided play and care. These emotions of play and care exist as their own spirits, their own flow. Guiding them over time is the work of practice.

For some, this is found in their work. For others in relationships, others in painting or gardening, or playing games among many other possibilities.

For me, it's been about music. I like to think that music's a big deal for humanity in general, but , I'm biased. All this is to say that I plan on ending these episodes with some piece of music that I've played, something I've learned or created.

I like to share, maybe even show off a little, but you'll also notice that there are some mistakes here and there and things that I'm improving.

I even plan to share some thoughts and ideas about how I'm developing things over time. You see, I'm trying to present a path of mastery and passion so you can hear it, because that's what it is. Mastery is more a path than it is some line crossed.

Before I present the piece today, I'd like you to maybe consider for a moment, is there somewhere in your life that you feel you connect with in that primal, playful place where there aren't even words for it, where you can measure it against that sense within yourself.

That feeling of intuition that you might wanna develop over time. It can be a powerful organizing force in your life.

So this piece that I'll be playing for you here is called Belly. It's a simple piece, and I do hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

]]>S01E01 - Rhythms of Focus: Hello, Fellow Wandering Mind!

Summary

In this episode, we explore the concept of a 'Wandering Mind' as an alternative to the medicalized term ADHD, delving into its multifaceted nature encompassing both challenges and beauties. Through personal anecdotes and professional insights, the speaker discusses how societal perceptions often simplify complex symptoms, and advocates for recognizing the meaningful aspects of neurodivergent experiences. The episode promises a journey into understanding how a wandering mind can navigate life, find focus through passion and mastery, and culminates with a musical piece titled 'Belly' that illustrates this path.

Key Points

1. Considering the Wandering Mind

The episode introduces the concept of the "Wandering Mind" as a compassionate, non-pathologizing view of mind. This term emphasizes the universality of mind-wandering and its potential for creativity and connection, rather than framing it as a medicalized problem, while acknowledging thresholds beyond which can be debilitating.

2. Rhythms of Focus and Meaningful Engagement

Focus is presented not as a binary state but as a rhythm that can be orchestrated throughout the day. By balancing engagement and rest, and seeking meaningful connections, individuals can create paths that feel alive and true to their inner selves.

3. Mastery Through Guided Play

The episode highlights the importance of guided play in developing mastery and meaningful work. By connecting with passions and engaging in small, manageable steps, listeners are encouraged to transform frustration into growth and creativity.

00:00 The Power of Words and Identity

02:35 Embracing the Wandering Mind

04:35 The Beauty in Wandering, Nature and Neurodivergence

06:04 Orchestrating Our Days

07:16 The Path of Mastery and Passion

08:23 Music as a Personal Journey & and Invite to Reflect

Transcript

 The Power of Words and Identity

ADHD is a powerful term. It has its strengths, but the word also has its share of troubles. I like the phrase "Wandering Mind" because it helps distance us from that medicalized view. Certainly it's poetic, but it still carries that sense of trouble that we have, but it also opens us up to the beauties of this way of being.

 ADHD is a powerful term. All words are powerful, but this one in particular has caught my eye. We can hold on to these ideas, these words as a part of our identity. It can be a shorthand for this mixed set of symptoms, behaviors, and the like.

We can joke with it, we can cry with it, we can yell at others, don't understand us, and point to various people in lab coats and say, "Hey, look. It's a real thing." We can use it as a shield, even use it against ourselves. We could also use it to support ourselves, have conversations with it, connect, understand things we didn't understand before.

Most any diagnosis, particularly in the mental health field, can have these characteristics. But what is it?

Embracing the Wandering Mind

While I do diagnose ADHD, I treat and prescribe around it. I've also grown to use the words "Wandering Mind." Now, why would I go and do that?

Well, first of all, it's not medical. There's nothing good or bad about it. Second, everyone's mind wanders, some certainly more than others, some at different times of life, some at different times of day, sometimes particularly after a stressful event.

You see, there are many ways to arrive at a wandering mind.

I remember one of my first days as a doctor, this young intern, a nurse, had approached me to tell me that a patient that was now in my care had a fever of 101. Could I give them this order to prescribe something to break the fever?

There were two problems with this. One it wouldn't tell me where the fever was coming from. There are many ways that a fever can show up and to simply hide the symptom might, might even make it harder to figure out what's going on.

Secondly, fevers can be very beneficial. Within a certain range, they help the body mount a better immune response.

Simply looking at the numbers, the symptoms, and saying, "Hey, go away," is the same as shooting the messenger, even when the messenger's news was good. I think too often we look at our symptoms and say, alright, these troubles that we have, the mind is going faster than we can keep up with. And "hey, this is bad. Let's get rid of it."

As a society, we fall into these sorts of ruts. We decide on a thing as being good or bad, and then cast our pronouncements on them and yell at them forever.

The Beauty in Wandering, Nature and What Feels Real

That phrase, "Wandering Mind" again carries trouble, but also beauty.

We engage, we disengage. We don't just follow whim. We follow what feels true, true to the moment and true to ourselves. Why pursue something that feels dry dying when there's something else that sparks us to life?

In fact, one of the things that I've noticed about wandering minds is not only the want, but perhaps even a need. To hold on to the things that feel real, things that connect with us, things that have meaning.

This is why I think that many with ADHD, autism, or neurodivergent, or the like, feel more at ease when in nature. There's something about it that connects to us. Something feels real.

And this is why I think many also get called oppositional in school. It's not that they're oppositional for the sake of it, it's that they recognize something doesn't feel real. They ask,

"When am I gonna use this?"

That question can become this genuine attempt to connect with something within.

Unfortunately we do also need to do the things that don't connect with us in that way, in that moment. We might look at a thing and say, oh, that's important to do, or else something bad will happen. Or maybe that's important because something good will happen, but it's not revving our engines in the moment.

And there are many of these sorts of things to do.

Orchestrating Our Days

So over the course of this podcast, I'll be visiting, revisiting, investigating, looking at the world through the eyes of the Wandering Mind.

I've titled this Rhythms of Focus because I don't think our focus is a thing that we turn on or off. We have those times where we get into something, dive in, dive deep, and we have those times where it's a struggle to make anything happen.

But I think there are ways that we can orchestrate our days, create these rhythms between what works. We can bounce between this and that, engaging here and there, in ways that help us move forward such that they feel meaningful to us.

We can think about resting, for example. But what is resting? It's not just lying down and closing our eyes, though sometimes it is that. But it's often about doing something else.

So if we can figure out the ways these things can compliment each other, we can create paths that work for us. We can engage the rhythms of our days, shape them as we'd like so that they can work in our favor.

Mastery as an Organizing Force

Now, one thing in particular that seems to help a Wandering Mind is a path of mastery or perhaps passion. And what do I mean by that?

I use these terms to mean something that we connect with viscerally, that nonverbal space somewhere that we understand something.

While we certainly can study and maybe get into things that others say, it's still about having this way of measuring it internally in that primal world . It's where we can play and care about those experiential atoms of the universe.

A mantra I often use and return to is:

"Mastery and meaningful work, develop from guided play and care."

I will say that again. Mastery and meaningful work develop from guided play and care. These emotions of play and care exist as their own spirits, their own flow. Guiding them over time is the work of practice.

For some, this is found in their work. For others in relationships, others in painting or gardening, or playing games among many other possibilities.

For me, it's been about music. I like to think that music's a big deal for humanity in general, but , I'm biased. All this is to say that I plan on ending these episodes with some piece of music that I've played, something I've learned or created.

I like to share, maybe even show off a little, but you'll also notice that there are some mistakes here and there and things that I'm improving.

I even plan to share some thoughts and ideas about how I'm developing things over time. You see, I'm trying to present a path of mastery and passion so you can hear it, because that's what it is. Mastery is more a path than it is some line crossed.

Before I present the piece today, I'd like you to maybe consider for a moment, is there somewhere in your life that you feel you connect with in that primal, playful place where there aren't even words for it, where you can measure it against that sense within yourself.

That feeling of intuition that you might wanna develop over time. It can be a powerful organizing force in your life.

So this piece that I'll be playing for you here is called Belly. It's a simple piece, and I do hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rhythms of Focus - CTA - Subscribe, Rate, and Review

]]>7209ec7f-805f-4303-9a76-75b23a761ffcThu, 01 May 2025 14:00:00 -050011:36falsefull1111Rhythms of Focus: for Wandering Minds, ADHD, and Beyond - TrailerRhythms of Focus is a mindfulness-based productivity podcast for adults with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond who seek a gentler approach to mastery and meaningful work. Host Dr. Kourosh Dini, psychiatrist and pianist, explores how to engage a wandering mind as a creative asset through the spirit of play.

Unlike conventional productivity advice, each 15-minute episode provides practical strategies that enhance rather than diminish your sense of agency.

Each episode concludes with a related piano composition to inspire deeper connection.

Whether you deal with ADHD, anxiety, neurodivergence, or a simply a bold creative spirit, consider a more authentic approach to engaging the world, a more meaningful productivity that can grow through rhythm and not force.

New episodes released every Thursday.

]]>Rhythms of Focus is a mindfulness-based productivity podcast for adults with wandering minds, ADHD, and beyond who seek a gentler approach to mastery and meaningful work. Host Dr. Kourosh Dini, psychiatrist and pianist, explores how to engage a wandering mind as a creative asset through the spirit of play.

Unlike conventional productivity advice, each 15-minute episode provides practical strategies that enhance rather than diminish your sense of agency.

Each episode concludes with a related piano composition to inspire deeper connection.

Whether you deal with ADHD, anxiety, neurodivergence, or a simply a bold creative spirit, consider a more authentic approach to engaging the world, a more meaningful productivity that can grow through rhythm and not force.

New episodes released every Thursday.

]]>42d4d8ee-9904-4a17-b74d-4520615abb2bTue, 15 Apr 2025 08:00:00 -050001:45falsetrailer