Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD

Cleaning Your Car with ADHD

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Episode 107 is a really unusual episode of the Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD because my guests for this one are Peadar and Danny, a couple of very young entrepreneurs from Atlantic Valets. Not technically self-care professionals and yet, when I met them recently, something they said made me realise they’d be delightful guests and they were.

I love their energy, enthusiasm and desire to help their customers. If you’re in or near Achill, check out Atlantic Valets and wherever you’re based, I hope this episode reminds you that you deserve clean, organised and welcoming environments. It can especially challenging to create and maintain them with ADHD but supports do exists.

What helps you keep your car clean (enough)?

le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

Atlantic Valets

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/61587721393866

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/atlanticvaletsanddetailing

Jayne Leonard on cooking as self care: Episode 28 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

The book https://solestosoul.ie/book

Book your free telephone consultation and access 100s of body-mind practices https://solestosoul.ie/free-downloads

CHAPTERS

(0:00) The gap between wanting to care for ourselves and finding it hard

(0:30) Atlantic Valets’ Danny and Peadar and their approach to car valeting

(4:21) Making car cleaning feel more doable for ADHDers, one step at a time

(6:26) Finding a simple system to support focus and reduce overwhelm

(8:13) The power of small details and taking pride in what we do

(9:57) Everyday self-care and coming back to the present moment

(15:41) Connecting with love through dogs, family and close relationships

(17:34) Feeling held by community and giving back

(20:08) Gentle advice to a younger version of ourselves

(21:28) A moment to reflect and offer yourself care

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Many people listening, they will have AuDHD or ADHD and there’s the gulf between basic self-care in terms of what we would like to be doing for ourselves and what is more of a challenge. So I will ask you a little bit about that, like how might listeners make it easier for themselves to clean their own cars?

Welcome to episode 107 of the Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD podcast. I thought they were so adorable when I met them at a local networking event.

I wanted them to come on and help all my ADHDers to clean your car, know that you deserve a delicious car to drive around in.

They are Danny and Peadar from Atlantic Valets and they are so new to business and they’re doing so much amazing work so quickly. I’ve been going for like over nearly 22 years now and they are so on message and just so joyful and delightful.

I hope that they’ll inspire you to keep your environments clean, to outsource it where that’s an act of self-care for yourself. They’re based in Achill but wherever you are you might have similar and I really hope you enjoy this very unusual episode.

Read the full transcript and access free downloads and more at https://solestosoul.ie/2026/04/21/cleaning-your-care-with-adhd-episode-107-of-the-soles-to-soul-care-for-trauma-and-audhd-with-eve-menezes-cunningham-podcast/

Working with the Divine Feminine

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Have you ever wondered how we’ll ever have peace, freedom, justice, SAFETY and equality when half the population has been systematically erased from what most people in this society consider divine?

Since hearing from much younger women that the Divine Feminine – such a healing force in my own trauma recovery and life these last 30+ years – has been co-opted to be used against women as “Divine femininity”, this episode shares some self-care, Self care and collective care ideas for people of ALL genders to experiment with.

There are SO many Goddess archetypes, from around the world, that have helped me with my trauma recovery and for the graphics for this episode, I chose (to honour my Indian Irish roots):

· Kali who reminds me of Divine Detox. Letting go. Diving deeper into life’s crashing waves instead of arguing with reality. Her tongue sticks out to represent her catching drops of blood and absorbing evil in order to transform and heal.

· A photo I took at Uisneach of Eiru (for whom Eire, Ireland, was named).

· The Greek Goddess archetypes were the first I came across and I adored Persephone’s transformation from traumatised into Queen of the Night and a guide for others. As I’ve learned more over the decades, her mother, Demeter, who fought for her freedom, represents our need to heal in connection. To coregulate.

· and a Cosmic Egg with some hopeful looking sperm.

With all that’s going on in the world, it’s always worth remembering that none of us choose or do anything to deserve who we happen to be born to, wear, what gender, etc etc etc.

We’re all connected. And by connecting to the Divinity (as well as humanity!) in ourselves and others, we can hopefully find more compassion and give ourselves and others more grace.

Le grá (with love),

Eve

If you’re a trauma survivor and AuDHDer like me, or you simply find self-care more of a “should” than a joy, this podcast is for you.

I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, a trauma therapist, AuDHD and self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor, columnist and author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Each Tuesday I share a mix of solo episodes and conversations with other self-care professionals. From other therapists, coaches, yoga teachers and authors to neuroscientists and medical professionals, many of them neurodivergent themselves and all honest enough to share the gap between their own ideal and their ACTUAL self-care.

Find Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham every Tuesday on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Substack, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Learn to love and care for all your parts, from the soles of your feet to your soul.

And for bonus content, polyvagal-informed journal prompts and more, sign up for my free newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays, plus 100s of free body mind practices, at solestosoul.ie

LINKS

https://www.livescience.com/health/fertility-pregnancy-birth/the-choice-of-sperm-is-entirely-up-to-the-egg-so-why-does-the-myth-of-racing-sperm-persist

Free Downloads https://solestosoul.ie/free-downloads

Polyvagal Purrs https://solestosoul.ie/feline

Meggan Watterson https://www.instagram.com/megganwatterson/

Jean Shinoda Bolen

https://www.jeanbolen.com/

Sally Kempton

https://www.sallykempton.com/

Moon Mná

https://moonmna.ie/

Laura Dowling

https://lauradowlingofficial.com/

Dr Karen Ward

https://drkarenwardtherapist.ie/

Clodgah O’Connor

http://clodaghoconnor.com/

Chapters

0:00 Systemic oppression and the red thread

0:42 Podcast introduction and rebrand

1:44 Introducing the Divine Feminine

2:56 How Divine Femininity has been hijacked

4:53 Reclaiming balance and receptive energy

5:42 Personal journey with the Divine Feminine

7:33 Erasure of women in spiritual history

8:25 The red thread and reconnecting inward

9:42 Polyvagal theory and empowerment

10:06 Feel. Love. Heal. framework overview

10:36 Feel: exploring your relationship with the Divine Feminine

13:00 Love: healing, acceptance and reclaiming power

15:20 Heal: connection, circles and co-regulation

16:33 Closing reflection and inner connection

FULL TRANSCRIPT

To recognise that it is systemic oppression, I got a little thread, a little red thread tattoo a few weeks ago after I had gum surgery and found out I couldn’t swim for an extra week or so, so it’s just my little reminder about that thread that connects us back thousands and thousands of years and that divine love is within all of us, all our genders, like whatever gender we are and that women, we just need to go inward

Hi, you’re listening to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD. Learn to love and care for all your parts, including your trauma and AuDHD, from the soles of your feet to your soul. So this was previously the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I hope you’re enjoying exploring the rebranded site solestosoul.ie, accessing all the free resources at www.solestosoul.ie/free-downloads - finding out how you might work with me.

I’m Eve Menezes-Cunningham, I’m your host, I’m a columnist, author, podcast host and producer. I’m a trauma therapist, trauma survivor, AuDHD-er and AuDHD coach and self-care coach, where I integrate all of my offerings from psychosynthesis counselling to crystal therapy, including NLP, EFT, integrative counselling and coaching.

I’m forgetting something quite major, life coaching. Let me know if you’ve got any questions and as you listen to today’s episode, I hope that you’ll connect with how you’re feeling.

We’re working with Divine Feminine, not Divine Femininity. I recently became aware from some younger women that the Divine Feminine, which I’ve been working with for decades, and increasingly more and more of us are, after thousands and thousands of years of patriarchy and being left out. I was apparently, when I was a small child, when we moved from London to Essex, I asked the priest when I was four, why were there no women priests? And I think because my name is Eve, I took the Bible very to heart. I was raised Catholic and the recognition that women and minorities were systematically erased, that Christianity, Christ consciousness was all about equality and love for all and peace and the way it’s been so hijacked.

But that’s not what this is about. Divine Femininity has been hijacked. I came across fairly recently, the idea of the egg and the cosmic egg as Meggan Watterson talks about.

And the idea is that it’s this ultimate, kind of in her beautiful card, the Divine Feminine Oracle. The cosmic egg made me think of something I heard through Kate Northrup. So her mother, Christiane Northrup, Dr. Christiane Northrup, did amazing work around wisdom of menopause a long, long time ago, decades ago.

And she, Oprah helped her popularise it. Unfortunately, she’s gone quite conspiracy theorist. But one thing that I really remember loving what I heard, we grow up in this patriarchal society, sex education, it’s very much the sperm, the strongest and impregnates and all of that.

Whereas apparently, the egg chooses the sperm. And that was my alarm. I’ve got a client in a few minutes.

I’m going to just start this again when I have more time. No, I’m not. It’s all good.

So it’s very much the language we grew up in with this white supremacist patriarchal society is all about the man, all about the sperm, all about the like the strongest sperm, like impregnates, like kind of fertilises the egg, whereas apparently, the egg chooses the sperm.

[There’s a link in the show notes about how this keeps being discovered by scientists, forgotten and rediscovered – much like the Divine Feminine]

So where I heard about how Divine Femininity, femininity was being used against women, the idea of being very passive, being very receptive in a way of being very submissive, like we all have masculine energy, we all have feminine energy. And the more imbalanced we are, the more we’re using all of it, the more joyful and lovely our lives are.

But if it’s being used against people but at the same time, many women, myself included, have to work on recreating that more receptive egg energy, where we’re able to receive good things where we’re able to not be do.

Like for a long time, it was like women can be everything that men can be. And it’s that women end up then typically doing all the things we can step back, we can just be. My introduction to working with the Divine Feminine really helped saved my life in my 20s, my early 20s.

So initially reading people like Jean Shinoda Bolen, Goddesses in Everywoman, where she talked about the Greek goddess archetypes. And then Awakening Shakti, Sally Kempton, I was kind of reconnecting with my Indian heritage. I’m Indian Irish, born in London, sound English, look white.

But it was lovely learning more about I’m looking up at my bookshelf there. And in case you can see, that’s not a very good way to show you. But that was really gorgeous learning more about the Indian goddesses and moving to Ireland.

I did my Moon Mná Women’s Celtic Circle facilitator training with Dr. Karen Ward, which was a gorgeous way of getting to know sacred islands and the Irish goddesses when I moved here. And you can find out more about her work at moonmna.ie. And there’s loads now around Megan Watterson’s work is phenomenal. And she is a feminist theologian and reading her listening to her.

I also had very visceral reactions as a small child feeling excluded and feeling like how on earth will we ever have safety, let alone equality for women and girls when women are left out of worship, where there has to be representation. We know representation matters in all areas. And Meggan Watterson has gorgeous books, her own journey, in Revealed, where she talks about her own journey with religion, spirituality.

She has the deck I just showed you, the Divine Feminine Oracle Card. It’s one of my all-time favourite Oracle Card decks. She has Mary Magdalene Revealed, where she looks at how the Gospels, what’s known as the Gnostic Gospels, so Mary Magdalene, the Acts of Paul and Thecla, Philip, Thomas, the more progressive, they were actually erased from the King James Bible.

They were erased before that, in the fourth century, when Christianity went from being a religion that was persecuted because it was so about radical love and it became the state religion. So it’s a bit of a blow. And also, it’s wonderful to recognise that it is systemic oppression.

I got a little thread, a little red thread tattoo, a few weeks ago after I had gum surgery and found out I couldn’t swim for an extra week or so. So it’s just my little reminder about that thread that connects us back thousands and thousands of years and that divine love is within all of us, all our genders, like whatever gender we are and that women, we just need to go inward.

I’m hoping that with this episode, it will encourage you to connect with the Divine Feminine in an empowering way for yourself, to learn to receive, to learn to just be and making yourself safe enough, like doing the work with your nervous system to heal things that might have kept you hypervigilant.

And knowing that the safer and more connected we can be, the easier everything gets, the more we’re co-creating a wonderful life, a wonderful world. We need to be empowered. I like working with polyvagal-informed approaches. Where I use the cats, the Polyvagal Purrs approach I developed, helping us feel that safety, that connection and that abundance and that capacity to build longer tables to feed people rather than walls to keep them out.

When you think about the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, if you’re familiar with this podcast and my work, my column for Platinum, I use that framework and often with my clients, but feel, it’s basically a way of working with whatever bandwidth you have for self-care, uppercase Self care, that like kind of highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. And collective care, that co-regulation, we heal in connection. So for the feel part of the framework, notice how you feel at the thought of Divine Femininity, maybe journal around it.

Divine Femininity or Divine Feminine, what feels more relevant for you? What feels and if you’re a man or if you’re non-binary, what does the Divine Feminine evoke for you? And what might you do to heal your relationship with the Divine Feminine? What might you do today? I love sometimes going up to the local village, Aughagower, where I live and seeing a real-life ancient Síle Na Gig, and I have a little Síle Na Gig here where they’re around Scotland and Ireland and other parts of the world, but it’s like Laura Dowling has that gorgeous book, Love Your Vulva, but it is that rather than a lifetime or lifetimes of shame and hiding, it is that, yep, that openness, that safety. And there’s a Síle Na Gig near St Patrick’s Well in Aughagower and I sometimes like to just go and remind myself that in spite of all the other more organised religions, which have been helpful for some people and also really painful for many, many people and it’s not to take away from any comfort people get from organised religion, but to recognise that there is more to all of it and to do your research and connect with, I mean, it could be connecting with the women who were eradicated from yoga philosophy and history, all sorts of ways. Think about, like, I’m realising that had I organised this better, I could have done this for International Women’s Day, it won’t be out in time, but every day, the more we connect, the more we remember that just like men, just like everyone, we are part of the Divine and we can find that within us and it takes some work. I highly recommend Dr Karen Ward’s work, but also really, if you want a lot of history, she’s phenomenal, Dr Meggan Watterson.

Moving to the Love part of the framework, that acceptance, that support, that recognition of the wounding, “the witch wound”, potentially, the way in which women’s power has been so penalised and, like, cost lives over the thousands of years, any kind of difference, it can be really scary.

Really doing what you can to make yourself feel safe, to accept your power, to accept your vulnerability, to accept your whole self, and working with goddess archetypes, like, goddess, it used to be a not very familiar word, and then it got, like, so many things commodified and to market things, like, I’m thinking, I think there was a Venus razor for shaving your legs, because, of course, a normal Bic razor wouldn’t do.

And the more you actually connect with, the more you research the goddess archetypes, from your traditions, from where you are in the world, your heritage, where you’re drawn to, where you’re appreciative of, not in a cultural appropriation sort of way, but just to educate yourself, just to learn more and more, and connect, rebalance those stories for yourself and know you are part of the divine. We are all made of stardust. It’s not about being better than men in any way, shape or form.

It’s not about inequality. It’s not about, like, a matriarchy isn’t the answer to the patriarchy. It is about equality.

But finding within yourself that love, that acceptance for how your life would have been different and probably much, much better, growing up in a more equal world, where the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine were appreciated, honoured, cultivated and just being open to what comes up for you, in terms of what you might do to do that for yourself.

Moving then to the Heal part of the framework and thinking about how you might connect with others. So, you might want to, now I run monthly lunar circles. I’ve moved them to the Full Moon, rather than the Waning Half Moon. But there’s actually, I’ve not met her yet, but I’ve seen her Instagram, Clodagh O’Connor. She is a high priestess, Temple of Remembrance in Mayo, County Mayo. Check out Moon Mná facilitators near you! And check out people near you. Check out people online. Check out people you’re drawn to.

I’m not saying in any way, shape or form to give your power away. I’m talking about finding sisters, finding people you feel safe and connected to and who you can heal with because we heal by co-regulating. And the safer we are, the more welcome we are, the more loved we are, the more we can all thrive and the more we can all birth a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome, loved and able to thrive.

Thank you for listening. I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find links and the full transcript and more in the show notes via solestosoul.ie/podcast, and I’m looking forward to sharing more next week.

In the meantime, just scan your whole self, all your parts from the soles of your feet to your soul right now and notice any parts like what you’re feeling, like the most prominent physical feeling, the most prominent emotion, whatever is speaking to you. It might be a thought, it might be an image, but make some notes for yourself. Remember, you don’t need anyone else.

You know what’s best for yourself. Connect with that inner knowing, connect with your inner divinity, make space and time for that stillness, for that wisdom, for that knowing and let me know if it feels good how you’re getting on. I look forward to sharing more.

I look forward to hearing from you, and thanks again for listening.

As you think about this episode, I want you to imagine scanning your whole body, your whole energy field from the soles of your feet to your souls. Notice what has come up for you as you’ve listened and as you think about it now.

How might you show yourself some extra love, some extra care today, this week?

Make some notes, doodle, whatever feels good. And if it feels comfortable and you want to, email eve at solestosoul.ie or comment in any of the comment areas. Feel free to subscribe, rate, review, all the things. And thank you for listening. I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Find full links in the show notes and full transcript and let me know if you have any questions. Really looking forward to joining you again next week. Have a brilliant week.

SuPURR! Cats Are Divine and So Are You

Tue, 07 Apr 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Today’s episode builds on Episode 48: Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! and the Polyvagal Purrs approach I developed years ago to include MORE of the Divine. More of what inspires awe, love, hope and other transpersonal – beyond the person – qualities. Nature? (Cats are part of nature and so are you!) Great art? What helps you connect with suPURR (super ventral) energy?

How can you do more of these things on purpose?

If you’re a trauma survivor and AuDHDer like me, or you simply find self-care more of a ‘should’ than a joy, this podcast is for you.

I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, a trauma therapist, AuDHD and self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor, columnist and author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Find Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham every Tuesday on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Substack, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Learn to love and care for all your parts, from the soles of your feet to your soul.

And for bonus content, polyvagal-informed journal prompts and more, sign up for my free newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays, at solestosoul.ie

LINKS

Deb Dana

https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

Stephen Porges

https://www.stephenporges.com/

365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing https://solestosoul.ie/book

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48 of Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham watch

CHAPTERS

0:00 Not about spiritual bypassing

1:07 Podcast introduction and rebrand

1:28 Background with polyvagal theory

2:18 Introducing a fourth state

2:59 Purr! ventral vagal safety and connection

3:25 Hiss! sympathetic survival stress response

3:58 Freeze! dorsal vagal shutdown

4:26 Naming and understanding nervous system states

5:22 Introducing suPURR (super ventral)

6:01 Feel: self-care practices to access suPURR

8:07 Love: connecting with your inner self

9:43 Heal: collective care and co-regulation

10:53 Awe, DHEA and reducing stress

11:39 Focusing on hope and positive stories

12:29 Closing and reflection prompt

HASTHAGS

#polyvagalpurrs

#newpodcastepisode

#traumainformed

#yourepartofthedivine

#evemenezescunningham

FULL TRANSCRIPT

It’s not about spiritual bypassing, very much not. If you take the example of yoga, if you have a yoga practice or any kind of psycho-spiritual practice, I’m always struck, because I’m a yoga therapist as well, watching people when I’m teaching, doing it myself. I know that I can be going through an emotional rollercoaster and look very serene.

I also know that feeling all the feelings, allowing what’s coming up for to come up is so, so powerful. This is not about pretending super, awe, pride, joy, all the things, love. It’s about really connecting with all your parts and knowing that there’s so much more to you than all of the angst, everything you’ve survived, everything you’re worried about, challenges you might be facing, being able to connect with that more than, but also recognising the reality, recognising what is.

You’re listening to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham. It used to be the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I’m still getting used to the rebrand after so long. Here’s little Meadbh and it feels appropriate for today’s episode where I’m introducing a fourth state.

I’ve been working with Polyvagal Theory since I learned about it in 2011. From 2013, when I adopted Rainbow Magnificat, I started using her to help me with my own inner critic, with my own healing of my nervous system and trauma recovery. Then as the other cats came into the picture, I learned more and more, did more and more training, got more and more experience, saw just how effective all these ways of working are with clients.

I’ve been presenting on it. I’ve written about it in journals. I love being paid to find pictures of the rescue cats to illustrate quite a heavy theory.

It really does help people understand it better. More recently, I’ve added a fourth. Deb Dana, who made polyvagal theory so much more accessible, it’s Stephen Porges’ baby and she made it more accessible to clinicians.

She does phenomenal work. She talks about super ventral. For ventral vagal, I call it Purr! because in an ideal world, we have that feeling of safety and connection.

We’re like a cat at ease, able to purr, enjoy life. We’re curious. We’re happy.

It’s safe to connect. Life feels good. It’s all purry.

That doesn’t mean cats aren’t able to change their state, just as we do. We’re not in ventral vagal or what I call Purr! the whole time, but the more we can have that curiosity, that compassion, whatever’s going on around us, whatever’s going on inside us, the better for our overall wellbeing.

Hiss! is what I call the sympathetic survival response, that stress response. When we feel under threat, when we feel disconnected from people, when we act out, we might fight, we might flee. These are all adaptive survival responses. Nothing wrong with it, but in an ideal world, if we can’t even find compassion for ourselves, Deb Dana says even one drop of curiosity is all we need and beginning to think what might help you, might get you back into that Purr! That ventral vagal.

Then we have the dorsal vagal, what I call Freeze! Where the system is overwhelmed and we’re in collapse. We might be numbing. We might be dissociating.

We might be indulging in habits that enable us to numb, but it’s feeling hopeless. It’s feeling overwhelmed. It’s not a happy, joyful place to be by any stretch.

I go into all of these stages, all of these states in episode 48. So if you want to listen to that, but just for yourself, just getting a sense of, I encourage people to find their own names for them. It’s just Purr! Hiss! Freeze! helps because it is easier to remember for most people than ventral vagal, sympathetic survival and dorsal vagal.

The key is remembering your nervous system is never wrong. Your nervous system has kept you alive. It’s kept you safe. It’s helped you deal with whatever you’ve had to survive. They’re all adaptive survival responses. Someone who has grown up knowing that it’s safe to connect with others is an advantage.

It’s like I heard some person say growing up with parents with regulated nervous systems is like growing up with millionaires for parents. And it kind of is, but at the same time, whatever age you are, wherever you are, we can begin to heal it.

Today, I want to introduce what I’m calling suPURR

That’s su, then PURR. And it’s for Deb Dana’s super ventral. And it’s where we bring in the more than the person, the more than the spiritual, the transpersonal and the thinking of the kinds of things you can do to make it more likely that you’ll be able to connect with this amazing energy, which of course helps us be more in ventral vagal, more in that Purr!

For the Feel part of the framework, that’s the like lowercase s self-care, the regulatory things we can do, think about things you can physically do when you have the bandwidth to bring you into suPURR or super ventral. So it might be taking yourself to the beach or to the ocean or to a mountain or to a forest or some kind of nature that feeds your soul, that helps you feel.

It might be taking yourself down the driveway to watch a sunset or sunrise. It might be taking yourself to a gallery to view some art that touches your soul. It might be taking yourself to a concert or whatever it is, think about the kind of things that help you get beyond Purr!

It might take more energy and the more you can do, the more you can connect with this, the more you can fill your environment with things that promote you remembering. Nature is wonderful for so many people, but it’s not limited to nature.

It can be, I’m going back at time of recording, I’m planning my first trip back to London in, it will be two years. And the idea of seeing some of the architecture, some of the arts, obviously people, loved ones will be amazing. But whatever brings you or whatever inspires you, whatever helps you connect with that, WOW, I can’t believe maybe you did something incredible, or it might be like a seventh wonder of the world, or it might be an amazing piece of art by someone else. Or it might be thinking about an incredible feat that someone has survived or endured, or like a new creation.

Think about what helps you connect with that suPURR beyond energy when you have the bandwidth to do that regulatory self-care. When it comes to the love part of the framework, the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed, let yourself just be. Remind yourself that you don’t have to go outward at all.

You can go inward. You can connect with the divinity within yourself, just as cats don’t need reminders of their divinity, of their magnificence. You have that within you.

You don’t need to change a thing. You don’t need to be striving, or doing, or producing, or anything. You can just be and marvel at your body, for example.

Even if you’re not happy with your body, your poor body has probably been through so much criticism because we live in a world where so much judgement is placed on these bodies that carry our souls through our entire lives. But if you think about what’s going on, we’re talking about nervous system regulation, we’re talking about healing the nervous system. You think about all the automated processes that we don’t even have to think about, all the amazing miracles happening in your body every day.

Just accepting how incredible it is to be alive and even now in these challenging times, let yourself appreciate it. Moving to the Heal part, that collective care, so the Love part is the acceptance, the love, the support. The Heal part is more collective care.

The Love part is that connection with that Self, that uppercase S. The part of you that is like much more than the spirit, the highest Self, that highest, wisest, truest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. So the Love part is really just what helps you connect with yourself. How can you make that a bigger part of your life? And then the Heal part is the collective care, the co-regulation.

It might be that joining a Circle. I do monthly, I’m moving it from the waning Half Moon to the Full Moon, but every month a small Circle, which is really enriching my life and I’m getting lovely feedback from the participants. There might be something similar near you.

It could be joining some sort of group that enjoys going to galleries, or going on walks in nature, or creating music of your own, or anything like that. Just give yourself permission to think what gets you into that suPURR stage and know that awe is one of the positive emotions, that when we feel it, we’re creating DHEA. I wrote about it in the book, but DHEA is a natural performance enhancing hormone and feeling good, feeling that sense of awe, that incredible love and pride, hope, all these really positive emotions.

They help us reduce the impact of stress on the system, because when we’re creating DHEA, it makes it impossible to create cortisol for a few hours and it also just feels amazing. So the more you can do, like we’re living in very challenging times, for me one of the things that helps is really focusing not on the destruction and the horror and just the things that very quickly send me into dorsal vagal Freeze! but instead really seeking out feeds and stories of activists and amazing people, who are incredible and just fill my heart and just give me hope and they are beyond, like it’s awful what people are having to survive and endure, but by focusing on the amazing people, doing amazing things and recognising that the majority of people do mean well and let me know what works for you. So thank you for listening.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find links, full transcripts, more information in the show notes at solestosoul.ie and I’m looking forward to sharing more next week.

We’ll be looking at the Divine Feminine and what it means to me and before you go now, think about suPURR, or that super ventral and scan your body, your energy, your thoughts, your emotions, your soul, your spirit, just scan yourself from the soles of your feet to your soul and just make some notes about some of the things that might be calling to you.

Spend a few minutes journaling if you want to, or just make a few notes, or pick one prominent feeling. I’d love if you want to let me know what that is for you, how you’re going to connect with that suPURR energy this week and moving forward, you can email eve at solestosoul.ie, so that’s s-o-l-e-s, as in the soles of your feet, to soul, as in your soul and .ie for Ireland. Looking forward to sharing more next week.

As you think about this episode, imagine scanning your whole body, your whole energy field from the soles of your feet to your souls. Notice what has come up for you as you’ve listened and as you think about it now.

How might you show yourself some extra love, some extra care today, this week?

Shake, Cry and Let Go with Emily Rosenkranz

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0100

ACCESS 100s OF FREE BODY-MIND PRACTICES, POLYVAGAL-INFORMED JOURNAL PROMPTS AND SO MUCH MORE AT HTTPS://SOLESTOSOUL.IE

What does self-care look like when you’re 25, newly independent, and realising that taking care of yourself is up to you? In this week’s episode, I’m joined by one of my favourite yoga teachers and youth worker, the delightful Emily Rosenkranz.

As with all my guests, we get into the ideal and ACTUAL daily self-care, Self care and collective care.

Since recording this episode, I (twice her age) was inspired to keep MY phone outside the bedroom. Having got over my concern that a serial killer would break in (and my partner suggesting I ask to borrow theirs), I remembered the decades I walked the earth before phones were a thing (in my life at least).

My first Phone Free Night, I spent half an hour standing in the hallway scrolling before making it to the bedroom BUT it’s worth it.

Other topics include the simple morning journaling practice it took three years to actually start, shaking for trauma healing, the magic of collective healing through women’s circles, co-regulation, and what it feels like to cry in a room full of people without anyone needing to fix a thing.

Do you sleep with your phone in the bedroom? Let us know in the comments or email eve@solestosoul.ie

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 In an ideal world my days would revolve around self-care and self-love

0:14 Podcast introduction and Eve’s background

4:26 Introducing Emily Rosenkranz

5:08 Emily’s work in yoga and youth work

6:13 The Feel. Love. Heal. framework explained

8:03 Ideal self-care and building supportive daily routines

10:03 Keeping the phone out of the bedroom for better wellbeing

17:04 Self-love, yoga practice and connecting with the body

18:39 Shaking, crying and releasing the stress cycle

22:09 Breathwork and pranayama for nervous system regulation

24:30 Community, co-regulation and women’s circles

28:15 Advice to a younger self about healing and change

30:44 Reflection and closing thoughts

LINKS

https://www.instagram.com/emilyrosenkranz/

https://moonmna.ie/

Dr Karen Ward on energy work and Sacred Ireland

https://solestosoul.ie/book

#stresscycle

#emilyrosenkranz

#traumainformedyoga

#neurodivergence

#evemenezescunningham

My ADHD Medication Journey (Part 2)My ADHD Medication Journey (Part 2)

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Are you curious about how ADHD medication might work for you? Maybe you’ve already tried it? Or you’re happy with your prescription and it’s changed your life for the better? I’d love to hear from you.

My journey with ADHD medication (and ADHD and AuDHD) is still very much unfolding but here’s Part 2 of my evolving journey and some of the ways in which I’ve been using self-care practices as medication on days I can’t take it.

Both AND.

If you can take it daily, brilliant. If you’re not taking it at all, brilliant. We’re all different and this is purely my experience now (likely different to if I’d tried it decades ago).

I hope you’ll find it helpful and connect with (if you haven’t already) others to learn from their experiences too.

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 Considering ADHD medication and sharing personal experience

0:30 Podcast introduction and Eve’s background

4:47 Why it was time for an ADHD medication update

5:28 Starting medication and adjusting the dosage

6:05 Side effects and why I don’t take it every day

7:20 What medication changed about my daily life

8:59 Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework

9:11 Movement, exercise and regulating ADHD symptoms

12:45 Accepting medication and letting go of shame

14:01 Community, neurodivergence and shared experiences

15:37 Reflecting on whether medication is right for you

17:01 Reflection and closing thoughts

LINKS

Will ADHD Medication Work for Me?

https://solestosoul.ie/2025/07/29/will-adhd-medication-work-for-me-episode-69-of-the-feel-better-every-day-podcast/

HASHTAGS

#adhdmedication

#adhdsupport

#selfcareforadhd

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Are you curious about whether ADHD medication might work for you? I’m not a pharmacist, I’m not a psychiatrist, but I shared my initial eight days diary of medication last year (Episode 69: Will ADHD Medication Work for Me?), and there’ll be a link to that episode in the show notes, and that was the very early days, and I realised that it was probably due an update.

If you’re a trauma survivor and AuDHDer like me, or you simply find self-care more of a “should” than a joy, this podcast is for you.

I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, a trauma therapist, AuDHD and self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor, columnist and author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Find Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham every Tuesday on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, Substack, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Learn to love and care for all your parts, from the soles of your feet to your soul.

And for bonus content, polyvagal-informed journal prompts and more, sign up for my free newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays, at solestosoul.ie

Are you curious about whether ADHD medication might work for you?

I’m not a pharmacist, I’m not a psychiatrist, but I shared my initial eight days diary of medication last year, and there’ll be a link to that episode in the show notes, and that was the very early days, and I realised that it was probably due an update, because I’m recording this in February 2026, so it’s been a good while, and my relationship to medication has changed.

I was put on Tyvense, it’s a stimulant medication, aka Vyvanse, and initially I felt like I was cheating at life, it felt amazing, and it was, it still is, but especially at that time, there was an enormous amount of stress behind the scenes that I had no control over, so I wasn’t put up to the full dose, because I didn’t want to go up.

And I actually then, with side effects, went back down to a lower dose, so my current dose is 30mg, and I don’t take it every day, because as much as I love it, it doesn’t agree with me, so it agrees with me in the ways in which it really helps, but it doesn’t agree in terms of, I’ve developed skin conditions, it impacted my digestion, and I had worse hot flushes than I’d had when I was perimenopausal and so there were other things as well, a lot of dry mouth, but I think it was really the skin conditions that really scared me a bit and I was lucky I didn’t have heart issues around it, because that had been a delay initially with beginning it, because an abnormality had shown up, but I was told that was fine after having additional tests.

And my journey is going to be different to yours or anyone else’s, but my hope is that by me sharing some of what has helped me and what continues to help me, it will give you ideas, and also the more we all share, the more we learn from each other, it’s really reassuring to hear other people’s experiences.

And I miss it, like I now take it once or twice a week and I arrange my workload around it where possible, because it is amazing being able to focus and concentrate and not be kind of having to double check a four-digit number several times in order to type it in.

Today I didn’t take it, and I don’t know if you can see, I managed to kind of bruise myself taking a top off in yoga, one of my layers, I tripped over a sofa on my way to the swimming pool, I went back out to the car because I wasn’t sure if I’d locked it or not, before that I had to take a swimsuit out of my emergency swim kit, because I had packed up my fins, my goggles, my snorkel, my swim hat, my toiletries, my towel and not a swimsuit, so luckily I had a spare.

But this used to be me every day, like returning to the house several times, had I locked it, what had I forgotten, going back, the whole like chaos, and just thinking that was life.

And then when I got to try the medication it was like, oh my god, this is amazing, I get to leave the house and go! So I do find the contrast, especially the day after one of my days ON the medication. But at the same time I have compassion for myself and I know that there are things I can do to help.

Moving into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, so the Feel part is the regulatory, the self-care, the things we can actually do when we have the bandwidth to help us feel better. For me, swimming is huge, and since learning that balance is really helpful for the cerebellum in terms of treating ADHD symptoms, I do even more underwater handstands and I walk on my hands, I don’t know what it looks like from above, but in my imagination it’s very Simone Biles, very elegant, it’s probably not, but just feeling, walking, I pretend to be an underwater dinosaur, it makes me very happy.

And I realise that I’m working with my brain, I’m going to four yoga classes a week most weeks, I’m swimming in the pool three times a week most weeks, time in the steam room to completely relax, still doing my practically almost every day yoga nidra, I facilitated one of my Westport Lunar Circles last night (at time of recording) and created a lovely yoga nidra for the group there.

I just adore yoga nidra because it helps with dopamine, it helps with deep rest and relaxation, it gives our wandering brain something to focus on, to dip in and out of, the balancing poses in yoga can be really helpful, the following the instructions, the listening to someone else, and taking that moment, any kind of exercise, really, really wonderful for us.

I’m not cycling as much as I’d like to be, the weather, unfortunately, since I learned to drive, I’m less keen to get out on my bike in the rain, and I’m not walking as much as I was. I am, but not up and down the lane as much, which I miss and I will get back to, but it’s a real privilege being able to attend so many yoga classes and swim a lot, so think about movement that works for you, think about movement that helps you.

I really see it as insurance, I see it as medicine, both for my mental health, for my brain, for the ADHD traits, for my mood and also for my joints, for my muscles. So many neurodivergent people have chronic pain conditions, also with trauma and inflammation, the body attacks itself so much, like going on, I want to do what I can to heal as much as possible.

And I also want, when I tell people in my imagination 97 is going to be my peak, I am joking, I know that there are things that I can do to make 97 hopefully as healthy and fun as possible and I want to do them, it’s not just enjoyable now, but thinking about my future, wanting to be independent, wanting to enjoy life for as long as possible, think about what makes you feel good, think about the kind of movement, the kind of exercise, the kind of activities, the kind of behaviours, the things that are easy to do and the things that take more effort.

I used to have to cycle a few miles to get to the pool but I knew that it made me feel better and it was worth doing, the cycling feels good as well, you might have something in your home that you can do quite easily, you might have things where you don’t have the energy to do the bigger things, you can do something that moves you in that direction, just get to know yourself, get to know what works.

Moving to the Love part, I’m accepting it, I’m accepting how lucky I was to be able to try the medication, I’m lucky to still be able to take it once, maybe twice a week and I’m lucky that I thankfully don’t need it when I’m hyper-focused on some writing or in sessions, it’s all the admin-y type stuff around it that it’s really helpful for. And kind of lifing, so it’s accepting my brain as it is, rather than arguing with reality, accepting the side effects rather than wishing things were different and reminding myself that even though there’s still that part of me that feels like I’m cheating on the days I take it, I would not be taking my glasses away or anyone else’s glasses away, telling them that they were cheating, trying to navigate life, being able to see better, anything that can help us, it’s prescribed. Why deny yourself something that might make a positive difference? You get to know yourself, you get to discern for yourself whether it’s working or not.

And the Heal part is that community again, the co-regulation, the collective care, and the connecting with others in the neurodivergence community, it’s been so healing for me. There are so many groups I’m a part of and most of my connections are online, but also being able to talk to in real life friends and community and so many of us are learning at much later stages in our lives, but I think even if I were only finding this out in my late 90s, I’d still want to know, because the better we know ourselves, the more we can set up our lives to support ourselves and each other better.

Notice the communities that feel welcoming, noticing the people that you can be yourself with, who you like, trust, who you feel comfortable, who you feel safe, welcome and loved with and notice ways in which you can be that for others as well.

Not at your expense, like you don’t want to be overly considerate of others, contorting yourself, making others needs more important than your own, but it can feel wonderful to help when it’s coming from that wholehearted place and when that help is wanted. Unsolicited advice is always criticism, I love that expression, so whether you’re taking medication, or you’re thinking about medication, or you’re thinking about having a formal diagnosis, because you would like to try the medication, because you’re struggling, let me know, let me know how it’s going for you and think for yourself, like give yourself a review right now.

You don’t have to wait till your next psychiatry appointment to just check in with yourself, how is your medication working for you? If you had a magic wand, what would be different? what would be better, what do you love? Let me know, email eve@solestosoul.ie, or let me know in the comments and I hope that you found this episode helpful, really looking forward to sharing that with you and I hope you have a gorgeous week, thank you for listening.

How might you show yourself some extra love, some extra care today, this week?

Make some notes, doodle, whatever feels good. And if it feels comfortable and you want to, email eve@solestosoul.ie or comment in any of the comment areas. Feel free to subscribe, rate, review, all the things. And thank you for listening. I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Find full links in the show notes and full transcript and let me know if you have any questions. Really looking forward to joining you again next week. Have a brilliant week.

Navigating Dental Treatment with Sensory Differences

Tue, 17 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0100

This week, for the Spring Equinox and World Oral Health Day, I’m sharing some self-care ideas for supporting yourself through dental treatment with sensory differences.

I’d been feeling quite proud of myself for handling the gum surgery and all it brought up (flashbacks etc) but then, boom, dental claim rejected.

So this whole episode about advocating for yourself, with sensory differences and other AuDHD traits and symptoms, while helpful, didn’t help me with the finances of it all as I’d thought I had been advocating for myself and don’t know enough about dentist language to be able to discern in the same way that the insurance people do. I’d never had to deal with it before. So while I’m improving with the self-compassion but am feeling pretty frustrated that am €500 short and need to pay out loads more in two weeks!

And that’s life!

Progress not perfection!

Healing being far from linear!

And, with my ongoing aim to not argue with reality and ask how any problem is actually trying to help me, I guess I needed the gum surgery and couldn’t have made it happen had I known it wouldn’t have been covered.

What I really notice is that even with my lack of dental and periodontal jargon knowhow, my attitude towards myself is kinder. For most of my 50 years, I’d have been, “I should have somehow KNOWN” whereas now I’m like, you know what? I’m not a dentist. I have no idea what any of the labels mean and that’s on them for being misleading and not at least having a glossary with lay terms.

How about YOU?

As you watched or listened and scanned all your parts (including your teeth!) from the soles of your feet to your soul, what needs YOUR attention?

Are you fobbing yourself off in any way?

Look after yourself and let me know what helps you do the far less pampery and indulgent but very important types of self-care in terms of looking after your teeth, your finances and this one and only body you have for your entire life…

Le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 Finding support and community around sensory differences

0:43 Podcast introduction and Eve’s background

5:09 World Oral Health Day and anxiety about dental care

6:03 Neurodivergence, shame and struggles with dental hygiene

8:49 Advocating for sensory needs during dental treatment

11:42 Healing after surgery and the impact of long-term infection

15:04 Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework for medical anxiety

17:52 Self-compassion and asking for support during treatment

23:10 Collective care and involving others in your healing

25:06 Encouragement to seek treatment and share experiences

27:18 Reflection and closing thoughts

LINKS

World Oral Health Day -

https://www.worldoralhealthday.org/

Book bonus videos - https://solestosoul.ie/book/yoga-videos/

Metta meditation - https://solestosoul.ie/2019/10/02/self-care-metta-meditation-for-when-the-news-is-especially-challenging/

#worldoralhealthday

#audhd

#trauma

#dentist

#solestosoulcarefortraumaandaudhd

#evemenezescunningham

Josephine Hughes on God's Love for Us ALL

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0100

It was such a delight to talk to Therapy Growth Group and Good Enough Counsellors founder and fellow ADHDer Josephine Hughes again for Episode 101. Josephine hosts two podcasts (there’s a link to an episode I was on with her in the links below), Good Enough Counsellors and Gloriously Unready.

Previously, the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, you’re listening to what’s now the Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham podcast. Learn to love and care for all your parts, including your AuDHD and trauma, from the soles of your feet to your soul.

This week, Josephine shared her love of chocolate with my Míle Buíochas Mondays subscribers and in this full episode of the podcast, Josephine talks about the journey she took with her church community in terms of becoming more inclusive and loving.

“You can be fully inclusive and therefore be in line theologically with the Bible, or you can say, no, no, no, that’s not what the Bible says at all. And really between the two positions, people try and fudge it, but it’s either one or the other. So our church, very fortunately, decides to go for full inclusivity. And it was a journey we all went on together, but we did lose a lot of people.”

She also shares her love of music and ever-increasing self-compassion.

Again, as you listen, notice what you’re most aware of in your physical, energetic, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies as you scan all your parts, from the soles of your feet to your soul.

Let me know in the comments or by emailing me at eve@solestosoul.ie

le grá (with love),

Eve

HASHTAGS

#josephinehughes

#evemenezescunningham

#goodenoughcounsellors

#faith

CHAPTERS

0:00 Self-criticism and the idea of being good enough

0:19 Podcast introduction and Eve’s background

4:30 Re-introducing Josephine Hughes

6:03 The Good Enough Counsellors community and imposter syndrome

12:09 Ideal vs good-enough self-care

15:06 The importance of being heard and understood

16:20 Music, faith and feeling loved and accepted

21:02 Community care and finding an inclusive church

24:28 Advice to a younger self about self-worth

28:27 Where to find Josephine and her work

29:45 Reflections and mini energy and body scan

LINKS

https://solestosoul.ie/book for free resources including book bonus videos for 365 Ways to Feel Better

Episode 23: Josephine Hughes

Eve guesting on Josephine’s Good Enough Counsellors Podcast

Connect with Josephine

Good Enough Counsellors:

https://josephinehughes.com/

Gloriously Unready Podcast: https://gloriouslyunready.com/podcast/

Facebook Good Enough Counselling Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/goodenoughcounsellors

Imposter Syndrome

https://paulineroseclance.com/impostor_phenomenon.html

Read my interview with Marianne Williamson from Rapport, Spring 2009 https://issuu.com/rapportmag/docs/rapport_spring_09/24

Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas on ADHD Body and Mind

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Happy 100th Episode to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham (formerly Feel Better Every Day)! Am sorting all the links to ensure my biggest rebrand since 2010 and some aren’t there yet so while I’m hoping you can watch or listen wherever you get your podcasts, please let me know if you have any issues (as well as any feedback, comments or questions!).

Am so delighted to have the fantabulous Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas back with me to talk about how his self-care, Self care and collective care have evolved (since episode 24!) and his new book, ADHD Body and Mind: A Compassionate Guide to Rewilding Your Nervous System with Neuroscience, Nutrition, and Gut-Brain Health.

Described as “a book that speaks to both your biology and your belonging. It’s a unique, neurodiversity-affirmative resource that reframes ADHD as a natural neurotype, a different way of living and making sense of the world, rather than a disorder. It expands neuroscience beyond the brain and into the whole body. Showing how gut, microbes, breath, heart, hormones and immune system are always in conversation. ADHD Body and Mind reimagines nutrition and gut-brain health through a non-diet lens, offering flexible, compassionate tools that nourish body and mind without rules, shame or restriction and extends gentle invitations, not prescriptions, to honour your ADHD as a whole body-mind experience, rather than reducing it to symptoms to be managed. In a nutshell, ADHD Body and Mind is a companion, offering space to breathe, reflect, and return to yourself, again and again. It will help you reconnect with your body’s natural rhythms, release some of the weight of shame and perfectionism, and discover a way of living with ADHD that feels not just manageable, but meaningful.”

I am so looking forward to reading it! I’ve pre-ordered my copy (it’s out on 21st April!) and you can too, wherever you buy your books.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed talking to him again.

le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

Dr Miguel Toribios-Mateas:

Listen to our previous conversation, episode 24 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts or at https://evemc.substack.com/p/the-feel-better-every-day-podcast-b80?utm_source=publication-search

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmiguelmateas

Website:

https://drmiguelmateas.com/

My new site

https://solestosoul.ie

CHAPTERS

(Maybe slightly off as re-recorded intro to go with the rebrand from Feel Better Every Day to Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD)

0:00 - Being present and meeting others with kindness

0:47 - Celebrating episode 100

0:54 - Introducing Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas

2:09 - A compassionate guide to ADHD body and mind

6:14 - Listening to your needs without forcing others

12:11 - Mindfulness, love and connection through animals

20:50 - Community, belonging and protecting your energy

27:24 - Learning self-acceptance over time

31:04 - Where to connect and final reflections

32:02 - Podcast closing and listener invitation

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Present means that if there is somebody else in the room and they have other needs, you appreciate that their needs are different, and how can you be kind towards them so when you expect them to understand that you need to stand up and fix the curtain, whatever that might be for you. The situation of the curtain is going to be different to different people, and how can you do it in a way that you’re kind to them so when you expect them to be kind to you and not tell you god you’re such a weirdo and feel oh I feel attacked because I’ve just been told that I’m like I’m a weirdo, but you know do things in a way that you find the middle ground and present.

Previously the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, this is now Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD with Eve Menezes Cunningham. Learn to love and care for all your parts (including your trauma and AuDHD) from the soles of your feet to your soul.

Welcome to episode 100 of the formerly Feel Better Every Day now Soles to Soul Care for Trauma and AuDHD Podcast. I’m delighted to welcome back one of my early guests from episode 24, Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas.

I still remember how nervous I was sending him that initial message asking if he’d like to be a guest when I was beginning. And he was the first person I heard the term AuDHD from, and he’s been such an inspiration and kind guide on this journey for me personally, just an absolute delight, so I’m so happy to have him back where he’ll be talking about how his own self-care has evolved but most excitingly his new book.

I hope you love the episode as much as I adore this person who has done so much to help me and others accept and work with our differently wired brains. Let me know what you’re going to do differently as a result of listening.

So thank you so much for coming back Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas.

Thank you for having me.

You’re so welcome.I wanted you here to help me celebrate my 100th episode.

Oh wonderful, that’s great, I’m honoured.

And I also want to celebrate you and your work and your new upcoming book, so can you say a little bit about that?

Yeah, absolutely. I’ve got a book coming out, it’s called ADHD Body and Mind and it’s a guide, it’s actually the title goes on, it’s a compassionate guide to rewiring your nervous system with neuroscience, nutrition and gut brain health, and that’s what it says on the tin basically.

It’s a guide, it’s not a prescription, it’s not a protocol for fixing your ADHD, it’s about celebrating the fact that a lot of people will resonate more with certain aspects of it, some people may resonate with other aspects of it, some people might feel that they struggle more and I talk about the struggles, some people might think that it’s actually a source of creativity and I talk about that, so it’s quite balanced in that sense, but also it goes in four parts.

The first part is that kind of introduction to what is ADHD, how do you experience it, you know whichever way you experience it you can just make it your own, and then I move on to the brain and the nervous system, so what happens in the brain and the nervous system when you have ADHD and try to explain things up because I find that when I understand why something is happening it sheds light on it, so it’s not kind of like a mystical thing anymore, so you can understand better why we may be better at reading instructions as opposed to maybe hearing them, so we may be in a way saying yes I’m getting this and then it’s coming in an ear and going out of the other one, and when you try and remember something like you know three minutes later it’s gone because your working memory is not having a good day that particular day.

I talk a lot about all of those processes in plain English so people can understand them, nervous system, the gut-brain access and the gut-brain connection, nutrition and also spirituality and self-care, and that’s kind of like it builds up towards that because I find that with the best of intentions if you just focus on the biology of things, on the molecules and the, you know, eat this food because it will help you with focus or restrict that food because it will help you with RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) or whatever it is, you’re kind of like missing the fact that we are multi-layered beings and we have a layer that needs connection and rituals and kindness and spirituality, whatever that means for you, whether it’s religion, whether it’s just connecting with your Self or with nature or whatever that means for you.

There’s a wide range of spiritual practices and I think that’s really really important, and it’s not something that people talk about so much about AuDHD and spirituality, but I think it’s a really important part of it and it’s full of exercises that bring you back to the body. The whole thing that kind of like elevates the pitch in a way is that I feel that a lot of people with ADHD are, we are in our heads a lot of the time and not so much in our bodies, so I try to bring you back to the body with loads of kind of somatic kind of exercises throughout the book so you can return to your body, so you can feel more at ease in your body and that is going to have a knock-on effect on how you feel in your mind as well.

Yeah, wonderful, so I’m really looking forward to how your ideal and actual self-care in the various parts of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework have evolved, so the Feel bit, the regulatory, the things we can do to help ourselves, and you were saying before we started recording about the curtain, I don’t know if you want to say anything about that, but what are like your essential daily and regular practices and what would be your ideal?

Yeah, I think it’s from when we talked last time, I mean we talked about movement and that’s still important for me and particularly walking because I find walking really relaxing, so I know it’s exercise but it’s also really good for my mental health and I start the day with a long walk anyway with my dog and that sets me up for the day.

But also we were talking about these curtains, I’m in the room, I mean I’ve got these like heavy curtains at one end of the room and one of them had kind of come off the pole and I was looking at it the other day and it was completely doing my head in, it was literally just breaking my brain thinking oh my god I’m going to need to stand up from this meeting and go on and tuck the curtain into the pole because it’s just come off and it’s just distracting me.

And I had to do this because then I forgot when I finished the meeting and I went to do something else and then I sat with you and I was seeing it and I said I need to stand up and fix it otherwise I’m going to be distracted all the way through this as well. And I think celebrating those works and actually thinking, OK, well I’m not weird, it’s not that I’m broken or that I’m like, you know, I’m not an alien, my brain works like that and so what? Somebody else’s brain is going to work in another way.

And also doing it in a kind way that is not forcing your behaviours onto other people, like a get out of jail card, it’s not an excuse to behave in an unkind way towards people. So just because your brain might work differently or your nervous system might have different needs that’s fine and it’s excellent to celebrate that. At the same time what I don’t agree with is to force it on other people as a you know what I’m like, you know my brain is like that, and then being unkind to them because of any behaviours that you engage in... #

Access full transcript and more at solestosoul.ie/podcast

Defy Dystopia! Energy Clearing Meditation for Trauma and AuDHD

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 07:00:00 +0100

This week’s episode follows on from Episode 98 and the seemingly endless trauma triggers from the news. It feels like it’s been getting more triggering for years and years but amping up even more recently. I keep telling myself it’s all coming up for healing and sunlight is the best disinfectant. That, ultimately, we are in the process of remembering we’re all connected, we all deserve safety, connection, love and the potential to thrive and we’re creating a new, more peaceful, free and equitable – for ALL – world.

And we can do nothing to help ourselves or anyone else if we’re quietly rocking back and forth, in floods of tears, feeling helpless and hopeless. By coming together, supporting and speaking up for each other, we can find joy and hope (while doing the work we all need to do in the giant group project called life) in more sustainable ways.

This simple, quick and easy (the more you practice, the quicker it gets) not only helps to clear our own energy fields and connect with our own miraculous Self but it helps us clear the space in meetings, communities and the world at large so we’re ultimately defying the dystopia some people are perfectly happy for us to feel is inevitable. It is not. We get to remember the power we all have as individuals and to amplify it by working together, energetically and in practical ways, too.

Let me know a) how you get on with the meditation and b) what kind of world you’d LIKE to help contribute to building – comment or email eve@selfcarecoaching.net

le grá (with love),

Eve

Let me know a) how you get on with the meditation and b) what kind of world you’d LIKE to help contribute to building – comment or email eve@selfcarecoaching.net

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 Power, self-connection and the benefits of this energy clearing meditation

0:51 Podcast intro, resources and weekly nervous system support

2:52 Defying dystopia through self-care, boundaries and compassion

3:53 Introducing the magnet clearing meditation

5:03 Why this meditation is quick, adaptable and beginner-friendly

6:09 Grounding the body and preparing the nervous system

6:36 Clearing above and below to release inauthentic energy

7:48 Clearing front and back for fears, pain and past experiences

9:08 Clearing left and right for giving, receiving and contribution

11:25 Filling the energy field with golden healing light

13:30 Clearing the path ahead and staying in your miraculous Self

14:59 Using the practice in daily life and difficult moments

17:02 Closing reflections, ripple effects and staying connected

FULL TRANSCRIPT

But as with all of my work, I’m wanting you to remember that we have more power than we think we do. Wherever we are in the world, whatever’s going on around us, the more we connect with and look after our own self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, the more we connect with our own energies and work with them, befriending our trauma, histories and ADHD brains, helping ourselves heal with compassion for ourselves and others. Yes, absolutely setting boundaries. And this is where this meditation comes in.

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.

I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning and it’s polyvagal-informed journal prompts to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal, what I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach and I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week.

It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself and it’s all free. If you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know, eve@selfcarecoaching.net. I hope you enjoy this episode.

Welcome to episode 99 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. In today’s episode I am wanting to help you and me and everyone defy dystopia.

A big ambition. But as with all of my work I’m wanting you to remember that we have more power than we think we do. Wherever we are in the world, whatever’s going on around us, the more we connect with and look after our own self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. The more we connect with our own energies and work with them befriending our trauma, histories and AuDHD brains, helping ourselves heal with compassion for ourselves and others. Yes, absolutely setting boundaries and this is where this meditation comes in. It’s one of my favourites.

I work a lot with the nervous system and also with energy so the nervous system is incredible. It’s a wonderful tool. You’ll have access to older episodes where I go into that a lot and future episodes as well but today it’s an energy clearing meditation which I learned a long time ago in London.

It’s a magnet clearing energy so if you imagine a magnet and how easily it draws iron filings to it, there’s no hassle, there’s no stress. It’s just what’s meant to do. All of the energy in our energy fields is neutral when it comes to the planet. We can release energies that aren’t authentically yours, that get in the way of your miraculous Self and send them deep into the centre of the earth where they can be reused, transmuted, recycled for the benefit of the planet so they’re no longer clogging up your energy field.

The reason this is one of my favourite all-time meditations, I’ve been teaching meditation since 2001, 2002, different types. I did all sorts of complex ones through the crystal therapy training, through the yoga therapy. I adore many, many. I have daily practices myself. I do daily Metta, mindfulness, all sorts but this is something that is so simple and so quick and you can expand on it or you can do it very quickly. You keep your eyes open. You can close them if you want to but part of my training involved practising it walking through London, central London, Holborn.

I learnt it from Art Giser, the creator of Energetic NLP and it’s just really lovely and really quick and really easy. So if you are in a position to do it now, if you’re driving, do not close your eyes. Do not even do this although as you practice you’ll be able to do it when driving. If you’re in traffic, absolutely. If you’re stressed in any way, it’s one of those immediate ways in which we just release inauthentic energies and allow our miraculous selves to flourish.

So start by making yourself comfortable. So feet firmly on the ground. If they don’t reach, you may want to put a few cushions below you.

Connecting with all the parts of the body that are sitting, that are connected with the chair, just feeling that support, that earth’s nourishing supportive energy below you. Lengthening through the spine to a degree that feels comfortable for you and imagining a magnet above your head, a few metres above your head, gently, effortlessly, easily releasing inauthentic energies from above. Any headaches, anything you’re struggling to understand, make sense of, any blocks to you reaching your dreams, your potential, your connection with your intuition, any headaches of any kind, releasing all of those inauthentic energies up through that magnet above you.

You may think consciously of certain things, letting them go. It may just be like, just let whatever feels ready to go, go. And then imagining a second magnet a few metres below your feet, letting any inauthentic energies be drained from the lower part of your body, anything to do with the lower part of your body, anything to do with your next steps in life, direction, sense of security, safety, money, anything like that.

Just allowing those inauthentic energies to be drawn away easily, effortlessly, like iron filings to a magnet. Imagining a third magnet a few metres in front of you, drawing away any inauthentic energies from the front of your body, anything to do with any physical ailments with the front of your body, in addition to medical advice. And also anything around fears of the future, any challenging situations you have coming up, difficult conversations, just imagining all those worries, all those anxieties, all those stresses being easily and effortlessly taken by this magnet.

Then imagining another magnet a few metres behind you and drawing away any aches, any pains, any issues around the back of the body. And again, medical advice really important when needed, but allowing any energies to be taken away from the back of the body and anything you’ve survived, anything, any traumas, any bad ways in which you were treated, any regrets, any grief, anything you’re ready to let go of from your past, just allowing the magnet to draw it gently, gently, gently, easily and effectively away from you now.

Imagining a fifth magnet a few metres to the right side of the body, drawing away any inauthentic energies from that right side of the body, any issues with the right side of your body, and also any issues with the way you contribute to the world, to the way in which you give your energy and anything else, the way in which you show up, helping you show up in a way that feels safe for you, that as Gay Hendricks says, making your biggest contribution to the world in a way that also is doing what you love as much as possible.

So, spending as much time as possible doing what you love while making your biggest contribution to the world. So, this fifth magnet is releasing any blocks to that, making things easier in terms of you feeling valued and appreciated as you show up when you’re maybe potentially tired of showing up. So, It’s really important to defy dystopia and keep putting your beautiful, healing, generous energy out into the world, looking after yourself while you do it.

Allowing inauthentic energies from the right side of the body to be effortlessly and easily taken away. Final magnet, imagining it a few metres from the left side of the body, and again, releasing any blocks from the left side of the body, any issues with the left side of the body, and also anything that gets in the way of you receiving all the good life has to offer. Letting yourself be open to receiving things that you want, things that are freely given.

It’s not a matter of feeling bombarded or engulfed by what other people want to give you or put onto you. You freely choosing and then freely giving, but helping to clear inauthentic energies that get in the way of you being open to all of life’s goodness. So, you’ve got these six magnets working away, doing their thing, letting go easily, enjoyably, effortlessly.

And when you feel ready, let all of those magnets go deep into the earth, letting all of those inauthentic energies be taken, recycled, transmuted for the benefit of the planet. Now, imagine a few metres above you that you have a glorious golden ball of healing light energy, grounded light energy, and it’s spreading its magnificence to the top corners of your energy field and the bottom corners of your energy field. And creating, it might be a sphere, a bubble around you, you may prefer a different shape, whatever feels good for you.

But imagine this glorious grounded healing light energy coating this energy field for you. Really thick, gloopy, delicious golden paint covering every millimetre of your energy field. And once it’s coated with really delicious, glorious grounded healing energy, allowing it to fill up, creating a spa for your soul as you let yourself luxuriate in this glorious grounded light energy in which your miraculous self can flourish.

Nature abhors a vacuum, so imagining it really permeating all the areas in which you’ve released those inauthentic energies, letting it go deep, letting it fill you, every fibre of your being, every cell, every part of your energy field. Noticing how it feels and knowing you can do this for yourself anytime, anywhere, any place. The more you do it, you’ll come up with your own shortcuts.

Something to consider now is to imagine a little ball of beautiful, strong, powerful, golden healing light energy and imagining it bouncing ahead of you, thinking about the rest of your day, the rest of your week, the rest of the month, the rest of the year, the rest of your life. Just clearing your path, making life easier for you to connect with and stay with your miraculous Self. Being able to connect with others from that highest, wisest, truest part of yourself, knowing what you want, helping bring out the best in others.

And it’s not about imposing your will on others, you connecting with this energy. It’s like you walking through a crowded station smiling. Some people are going to be like, oh, and smile back.

Others might be and ignore you. That’s fine. But you by taking responsibility for your energy field and your miraculous self and creating the conditions in which you can flourish, it’s going to help you connect with others.

It’s going to help you connect with your resources and it’s going to help you help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive. It’s going to help you heal your AuADHD brain and recover from your traumas.

Something I do most mornings is and also I do it in sessions. I do it out and about. I do it whenever I feel that there might be blocks. I do it when watching the news.

Do it anytime you’re feeling a bit icky. Just quickly release those inauthentic energies from all directions. And the most important thing is to replace it. Let yourself fill up with that glorious, grounded, healing, light energy and send that energy to situations you’re worried about, situations you feel hopeless and helpless about.

It’s a wonderful thing to do with any spaces you’re living in or working from as well. It’s really interesting how different spaces take different lengths and intensity off this meditation.

Sometimes you’ll experience a lot of energy has been released and other times it’s like, oh wow, that felt pretty clear. I noticed since moving to the west of Ireland, the energy really feels, it doesn’t take as long as it used to when I was in London and Essex, just it’s a beautiful natural landscape and fewer people. So notice, like I normally, as with the Metta moving out, I start with myself and then the room I’m in.

And then if I were doing it for the rest of the house, the whole space, the town, it could be a space you’re working in. Anytime I’m doing events or presentations, I try to have a look at the space in advance or teaching yoga classes or anything like that. Just doing that energy work in advance, clearing the space.

And then during the thing, it’s just a very quick magnet above, below, in front, behind, to each side. And the more you practice it, the easier it gets. But again, you could be in a challenging conversation, you could be feeling infuriated, you can ground and you can just consciously set that intention to release those inauthentic energies and create a space for your miraculous self, for their miraculous self, and defy dystopia.

Look after yourself. Know that everything you do to look after yourself has the potential to ripple out and help others. This is not about being codependent, but this is about us all working together.

That science of safety and connection, knowing that there is abundance, there is enough for everyone. And we’ve been conditioned by way too many oppressive systems over way too long to believe that we’re separate when we’re all connected. And everything you do to help yourself has the potential to help others as well.

So sending enormous love. Thank you for listening. And I look forward to sharing more next week.

If you have any questions or comments, do let me know, email eve at selfcarecoaching.net, or just comment below. This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. And if you haven’t already, and would like to, your subscribing or sharing or leaving a five star review or comment, engaging in whatever way feels good for you, feels right for you.

It helps me as many people with AuDHD and trauma histories as possible. I want to be able to help as many people as possible with this free resource. So please do, if you think of someone, share it or leave a comment, leave a rating, and of course, reach out, get in touch with me direct, if you’ve got any questions, either in the comments or email eve at selfcarecoaching.net. You can also access loads of free resources at the site, selfcarecoaching.net, older episodes of the podcast at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. And you can book a free telephone consultation.

You can find out more about all the other elements of my work, lots of free resources, lots of ways in which we might work together. And most of all, I hope you’ll come back next week. Thank you for listening.

And I hope that you’ll put some of what you’ve heard into action and go easy on yourself as you heal your trauma and befriend your AuDHD brain. Thanks again for...

Self Care When Trauma Triggers are Everywhere

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 07:00:00 +0100

This is an unexpected episode on account of the pain the news is causing so many survivors (myself included!). How do we continue to function let alone thrive when the messages we keep on getting is that perpetrators rights to do whatever they feel like doing trump our basic human rights including safety?

I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.

An enormous amount is coming up for healing. Sunlight is a wonderful disinfectant but if you’re feeling raw, tender, hopeless or anything else right now, know that you’re not alone. Know that you looking after yourself (and accessing all the available supports and resources you want and need) and not giving up is a radical act.

You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve care. You deserve pleasure. You deserve ALL good things and I hope the resources I share in this week’s episode will help you reconnect with your own favourites, too.

Let me know how you’re getting on by email or in the comments.

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS [these may be a little off this week due to episode order changing]

0:00 News, sexual violence and collective triggering

0:27 Podcast intro, resources, and newsletter

3:04 Bandwidth, dysregulation and the Feel. Love. Heal. framework

4:46 Feel – nervous system regulation and embodied safety

5:45 Love – radical self-acceptance in painful times

6:15 Heal – community, accountability and collective care

7:39 Reclaiming your body and sensory self-regulation

10:06 Healing is not linear – from despair to thriving

13:19 Co-regulation, belonging and survivor communities

16:24 Survivor stories, activism and the power of solidarity

18:49 Power, oppression and not giving in to despair

19:45 Choosing gentleness and imagining a better world

20:47 Episode closing and next week’s episode

LINKS

7 Simple and Effective Self-care Tools for Trauma Survivors

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2018/09/28/7-simple-and-effective-self-care-tools-for-trauma-survivors/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/trauma/ Access more self-care, Self care and collective care resources

https://selfcarecoaching.net/feline Find out more about the Polyvagal Purrs approach

FULL TRANSCRIPT

We’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about [convicted] sexual predators getting less [time in prison] than speeding offenders, with the whole Epstein files… So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering.

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years. I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish which I’m very slowly learning and the idea is it’s polyvagal informed journal prompts to help you each week.

There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal energy (what I call Purr!) when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach. I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that.

The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!) It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself. And it’s all free so if you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know eve@selfcarecoaching.net. I hope you enjoy this episode.

Welcome to episode 98 [I CHANGED THE ORDER] of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I’m wondering how you’re doing with everything that’s going on in the news and I know that a lot of people are being triggered. We’re basically being given the message time and time again with Irish headlines about sexual predators getting less than speeding offences in prison with the whole Epstein files.

So many examples of sexual predators getting away with it and that can be incredibly triggering. I mean there’s a sexual predator, self-confessed sexual predator in the White House. He still owes E. Jean Carroll millions and millions having been found guilty twice and not to mention all the other horrors being inflicted on so many different kinds of people.

I thought I’d do this episode not to be triggering but to recognise that life is triggering and to hopefully help you with my Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The idea is to help you be mindful about your bandwidth on any given day and recognising what’s going to be the most supportive kind of care on any given day.

The Feel element is the regulatory self-care, the working with your nervous system, doing all the things that can help you feel better. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful but that’s not everything. The Love part is the recognition that you like everyone else including predators are part of the divine. Part of nature. We’re all connected. We all share this one beautiful planet and it’s about accepting how painful and how unfair and how horrifying and how awful so much feels and is without getting sucked into it. It’s the kind of not arguing with reality and also recognising it’s OK to feel joy, it’s okay to feel like caught up in the beauty of the beginnings of spring in this hemisphere. It’s accepting what is, it’s accepting yourself exactly as you are, recognising again healing isn’t linear and sometimes you might feel absolutely fine and other times you might be absolutely floored with despair and like kind of moving into that dorsal vagal (what I call Freeze! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach).

The Heal part is especially important with this kind of trauma, interpersonal trauma. Survivors coming together, women coming together, male allies coming together, proving not all men. Actions speak louder than words. Call your friends out. Don’t tolerate even the little comments which then are encouraging worse and worse behaviour.

Chappell Roan, there was something about the singer, she found out that her management company was involved and her immediate reaction was to fire them and it’s like be in integrity, work with your community, let yourself be held in community and make sure that you’re a safe person to be holding people in your community.

I realise that this is a very sensitive topic and it is also a topic that impacts an enormous amount of people, huge amount of people, not just women but predominantly women and girls.

There are way too many male victims and non-binary and trans victims of sexual violence as well and doing things like moving into the Feel part of the framework, doing things that help you feel safe in your body, first of all making sure you are as safe as you can possibly be now. Do what you can to make yourself as safe as possible and once you are safe let yourself feel into that, let yourself reclaim your body, let yourself connect back into what feels good, different types of movements, different types of like kind of experiment with massage, experiment with like any kind of pleasurable feelings that help you remember the privilege that we have in terms of being embodied, having these bodies that enable us to experience so much joy in the world and recognising that what was done to you should never have been done to you, should never be done to anyone, but you can and will heal and it’s about having patience with yourself and building up a repertoire of things that feel good.

I go on a lot about being underwater, yoga, things like that, but I feel really good when I’m like kind of cycling downhill, feeling the wind in my hair or doing an underwater handstand or really swimming my heart out or singing or like doing a stretch or balance or pose that’s feeling easier or just works in a really delightful, delicious way or enjoying a wonderful taste, food, drink, whatever it might be, enjoying the feeling of warmth or a delicious fabric like especially with sensory differences, with neurodivergence, get rid of clothes that don’t feel good, make your immediate environment as safe and as comfortable, as enjoyable to be in as possible. Delicious fabrics, I really love bamboo at the moment.

I’m kind of really enjoying that, but notice ways in which you can feel better regulating yourself and some of the things will take more energy than others, but by building up a repertoire, it will be much easier to dip in and out and then like I say as we move into the love part, really be patient with yourself.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. When I was younger, when I wanted to be dead so much of the time, when I just found life so excruciating so much of the time, I never dreamed that there would be days where sure I think about flashbacks and things that I wish I didn’t still have to be dealing with, but it’s not in the same way as in my 20s when I kind of got bombarded with so many memories and so much pain and also getting sober, so having to deal with it sober, that was horrendous. And I wish that 20-something me knew how happy 50-year-old me is most of the time, but that doesn’t mean that it’s all of the time because with all the cruelty, with all the sadism, with all the oppression of various people like none of us are free until all of us are free, anything without intersectionality is just more oppression, so we have to love not just ourselves but all of, I mean the Bad Bunny thing about love being stronger than hate, gorgeous, absolutely, 100%.

Love yourself when it’s hard, love yourself as a radical act when you’ve been conditioned by abuse, by oppressive systems to hate yourself, to see yourself as not worthy, as lacking, as having to buy certain things or act in certain ways in order to be acceptable, loving yourself exactly as you are with your wounds in spite of your wounds because of your wounds is a radical act. It’s never easy in my experience but it gets easier, it gets less impossible and you have those moments where it’s like wow I never dreamed I’d get this far, so let yourself know healing isn’t linear and it is possible and you deserve to heal, you deserve to thrive, you deserve safety and you deserve to flourish, you deserve all good things and you are part of the divine and you are part of nature and I really hope that you will remember that and accept yourself in every moment exactly as you are rather than feeling like you should be over things or it wasn’t as bad as like some of the horrors you might be hearing about or it’s worse and you don’t know anyone else who’s been through what you’ve been through. I work with, I’ve worked with so many survivors and no one should have to survive.

Babies should be protected and loved, children, teenagers, all humans, we all deserve to be safe, welcome and loved and our nervous systems need that in order to thrive. Anything that was done to you, not your fault, you get to heal, you get to love yourself, you get to heal, you get to connect and moving into that heal part, the collective care part, the co-regulation part, it’s so important that you find community, communities that support you, that nourish you, that enable you to be your whole self. Maybe not all of yourself in one community, hopefully you’ll be lucky enough to find that but for some people it might be expressing different parts of yourself in different communities, it’s all fine, it’s all good and the more you’re looking after yourself, the more you’re loving and accepting yourself, the more you’re able to hold that space for others in your community as well as being held yourself. We’re not loners, we’re not supposed to survive alone.

If we give in and if we let ourselves get completely dysregulated and if we give up, if we go into that that freeze response and just, I spent much of my teens feeling like that, what’s the point, I hate being human, humans suck, let the cockroaches get on with it, they’d be kinder to the planet and everything else. But we have power as humans, we have power together and we have power individually and letting yourself heal, letting yourself imagine a better world, letting yourself dream of the kind of world you want for yourself if you have children, if you have grandchildren but for others, you don’t need to be a parent, I’m not a parent, I still care about everyone on the planet.

Think about what it will take for you to heal, for you to love yourself more and for you to do the things that you know will help you feel better and let me know what will you do in this really tender, sensitive birth of a newer, more compassionate world but chaos at the moment. How can you nurture and nourish yourself, how can you reparent that hurt child, that hurt baby, that hurt teenager who shouldn’t have been hurt, who shouldn’t have been abused, who shouldn’t have like all the things.

Let me know, email eve@selfcarecoaching.net if that feels good for you, I read all my emails or if it feels appropriate sharing the comments, I don’t want you sharing anything and then having a vulnerability hangover as Brené Brown calls them but let yourself imagine better for yourself.

Remind yourself there are so many survivor stories and they are the ones that can help us. The more we focus on the horrors and the perpetrators, the worse we feel, the more dysregulated we become and the more we give in to despair and overwhelm and just awfulness.

Let yourself read inspiring stories like I remember like for me when I was coming, beginning to come to terms with my history, V(formerly Eve Ensler)’s The Vagina Monologues was really, really helpful.

It was the play she’d written and she started V-Day, a grassroots movement to raise funds for activists around the world to end violence against women and girls and I remember reading on the website survivor stories and none of them were quite like my own.

I had like, it was long before social media, I’m talking like I got sober 2001 and but it helped me enough to know I wanted to go to New York and I got to New York for a V-Day conference when I first went freelance 2004 and just being surrounded by so many amazing women and survivors and therapists and artists and activists from around the world and like it makes me laugh.

I joke a lot about my first ever press conference as a freelance journalist was with Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Eve Ensler, Gloria Steinem had to go home early but I got to tell her her writing had saved my life and activists from around the world dealing with absolute horrors but with so much love and compassion and there’s so much power in community and there are so many amazing people doing so many amazing things.

Think of Gisèle Pelicot and how she put the shame on the perpetrator, on her ex-husband where it belonged rather than internalising it and I know her case was very extreme and very different to most but unfortunately it’s not isolated.

Think about E. Jean Carroll who is owed millions and millions, I think it’s 81 million from the White House resident because he has been found guilty more than once. He boasted about being a sexual predator before he was voted in the first time. It’s an insanity creating world to think about world leaders and politicians and judges and so many people who protect and allow and it seems like encourage because rape, abuse. It’s terrorism and it’s to keep a huge part of the population afraid.

It takes us much longer to do anything productive when we’re surviving and trying to heal than if we were all starting from a level playing field. I don’t want to be rambling too much, I don’t want to be bringing anyone down, I do want to be acknowledging that it’s a really painful time for many many people and you deserve better and just be as gentle and tender with yourself as possible, speak up when possible for yourself, for others.

I believe better times are coming, I really do. And we can create a better world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive and in which everyone on the planet, just as you have your dreams and goals, everyone on the planet, wherever we’re born, whoever we’re born to, all that potential, all that creativity, all that problem solving, the safer we can make the world for everyone, the more we can help everyone flourish.

It’s in all of our interests, so just sending enormous love from the west of Ireland, wherever you are and do let me know how you’re getting on either in the comments or emailing and I hope you’ll join me next week [for a special mini meditation to help you defy dystopia and then] my 100th episode where I’m delighted to have Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas back to join me, the neuroscientist AuDHD-er and he has a wonderful new book almost out so really excited to read that and yeah have a gorgeous week and just sending enormous love.

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and if you haven’t already and would like to, your subscribing or sharing or leaving a five-star review or comment, engaging in whatever way feels good for you, feels right for you, it helps me reach as many people with AuDHD and trauma histories as possible.

I want to be able to help as many people as possible with this free resource so please do, if you think of someone, share it or leave a comment, leave a rating and of course reach out, get in touch with me directly if you’ve got any questions either in the comments or email eve@selfcarecoaching.net.

You can also access loads of free resources at the site selfcarecoaching.net, older episodes of the podcast at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can book a free telephone consultation, you can find out more about all the other elements of my work, lots of free resources, lots of ways in which we might work together and most of all I hope you’ll come back next week. Thank you for listening and I hope that will put some of what you’ve heard into action and go easy on yourself as you heal your trauma and befriend your AuDHD brain.

Thanks again for listening.

Movement and Meaning: John Wilson's Self-care

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 07:00:00 +0100

“We get a lot of meaning from creating spaces where people can come and connect, and feel like they’re in a place where they’re welcomed, and that some good things can happen.” ~ John Wilson, Co-director, Online Events

It was SUCH a joy to talk to Online Events’ co-director, John Wilson. As well as talking about his own ideal and actual self-care, Self care and collective care practices, he shares some of what he’s learned through co-creating such a nourishing online community for therapists, counsellors and supervisors.

Chapters

0:01–2:26 Introduction, movement and nervous system support

2:26–3:38 Welcoming John Wilson of Online Events

3:38–6:22 John’s work, community building and setting the context

6:22–9:10 The Feel part: movement, walking, and self-regulation

9:10–12:16 Sleep, flexibility, and adapting self-care when plans change

12:16–14:04 Letting go of perfection and allowing partial practices

14:04–16:59 The Love part: nature, presence, and remembering connection

16:59–19:01 The Heal part: community, meaning, and shared purpose at work

19:01–22:38 Leadership, slowing down, and staying connected under pressure

22:38–24:04 Advice to a younger self and sustaining long-term projects

24:04–26:39 Closing reflections, where to find John, and final notes

Links

Where to find Online Events:

Website:

https://OnlinEvents.co.uk/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Online Eventscpd/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Online Events

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/Online Events/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Online Events_saz

Episode 86: Tracy Otsuka on the 43% of ADHDers with Excellent Mental Health

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Definitely movement is helpful for me. I’m not really a stationary person so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me. And that’s both physically and psychologically.

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more, and access older episodes, at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com, and you can also access loads of free resources, and find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.

I really hope you enjoy this episode, and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle Buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning.

It’s polyvagal informed journal prompts, to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal, what I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats, with the Polyvagal Purrs approach and I also share some of my own gratitudes, some of the things that have helped me feel more in the ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you.

I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that, but the journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and, potentially, the dorsal vagal (Freeze!).

It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself, and get to support yourself, and it’s all free. So if you haven’t already, you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net, and if you have any questions, again let me know eve@selfcarecoaching.net

I hope you enjoy this episode.

Welcome John Wilson, thank you so much for joining me!

Thank you, yes, thank you for having me on the podcast.

My absolute pleasure. I know you through Online Events, I was one of the presenters at the conference last year for neurodivergence around the rescue cats [Polyvagal Purrs – selfcarecoaching.net/feline], and I just think you’ve done so incredibly with what you’ve created, and providing so much support to so many people. And I also, really obviously, I don’t know you very well, but you seem to embody this calm, or you exude this calm, where I imagine your life is anything but, with all you’re dealing with.

I ask my guests about their ideal and actual self-care, but I’ll start by just asking you to introduce yourself, and maybe say a little bit about Online Events, and anything you want to allow people to find, where they can find you online, or anything you want to plug or promote.

Thank you Eve, well, thank you for having me on the podcast, that’s very generous, and it’s lovely to be here, and be in the conversation with you, and the listeners as well. As you say, I’m part of Online Events, I’m one of two directors, a director with my sister Sandra Wilson, so we’re a sibling team. What can I say about Online Events, we started in 2009, so we were really early in the online learning space, particularly in the helping professions, so we’ve had lots of different kinds of adventures, and there was a big increase in the scope of our work over the pandemic as well, because so many more colleagues came online, that allowed us to run a lot more things, and create a lot more experiences for the helping professions community, so I think since the pandemic we’ve run just almost about 3,000 events.

Wow, that’s a short period of time, for an enormous amount.

Yeah, but it took us about the first 10 years to get to maybe, I think we were around 800 events, and then we’ve done, yeah, it’s really exploded, and we do about 700 or 800 events a year now, maybe about 10 to 20 conferences, so yeah, we keep ourselves busy. So although often colleagues are seeing me on the video, I’m just the face of a very very good team.

I mean it’s not, obviously, as a director, as a co-founder, you have set the tone for that team, you have like kind of, don’t sell yourself short, but I will ask you, so where can, there’ll be a link in the show notes, but it’s Online Events.co.uk isn’t it, with just one e in the middle.

Yes, that’s a really important part, I learnt from experience.

Yes, okay, thank you for that. It seemed like a cool idea when we started the company, but I think it’s got a lot of people lost, but yes, Online Events, so you spell it onlinevents.co.uk, but we say Online Events, yeah.

And I’ll ask you about your ideal and actual self-care for the different parts of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework. The Feel bit is that regulatory lowercase, like hyphenated self-care, the things we actively do to help ourselves feel better. Sometimes we have the bandwidth for that, other times we don’t, and it can be easier to move into that kind of Love, self-acceptance, but often that’s harder, but that kind of what helps you remember you’re part of the divine, part of nature, you don’t need to do a thing to improve, and then finally the Heal bit is the co-regulation, the collective care, the community, the how you provide, obviously even more than I’d realised, community space for others, and also you’ve mentioned your team, but what else you use to hold yourself, like how you let yourself be held, so in each area the ideal and the actual.

If we start with feel and the regulatory, what would be your ideal self-care practices?

Definitely movement is helpful for me, so I’m not really a stationary person, so anything that has movement in it is helpful for me, and that’s both physically and psychologically. So of course working at the computer, there can be a lot of stationary times, so definitely having periods in the day where there’s movement, and you can imagine with all those events, and the team to take care of, the day can get really intense.

The ideal thing for me is to be up early, get a little bit of work done, get out and get an hour’s walk in, so that it’s grounded with some nature, and then back into work. Something about breaking, getting a little bit done, then doing something to care for myself, and to sustain myself.

While I’m walking, I’ll also have a meditation practice that I can listen to while I’m walking as well, so sitting and meditating isn’t easy for me, so if I’m in movement, and also having that kind of psychological and emotional experience while I’m on the move, can really help integrate that for me, it sets me up for the day.

Wonderful, what about later in the day? What would be ideal things to fit in?

The important thing for me is getting enough sleep, the temptation for me is just to squeeze the sleep time, and then of course it always catches up with me. If you keep overdrawing the bank, getting in a lot of trouble. So finishing work, having a little bit of downtime, and then making sure I’ve got enough time for sleep is really, really important. It sounds like a very basic thing, but that for me really impacts how my day and my week goes.

I interviewed Tracey Otsuka, who wrote ADHD for Smartass Women, and she said she used to get by on three or four hours sleep, and then she found out that it has huge health implications. She actually started setting a timer to sound like bells, pretended that she was Cinderella to beat the revenge bedtime procrastination and raced around to get to bed by the time she wanted to, to gamify it. I still have the revenge bedtime procrastination, but even remembering that it’s something, we live in a world that’s so go, go, go, but yeah.

So what helps you, you’ve mentioned they’re basic but they’re essential, if you don’t have time for your hour, and if you don’t have time for your full sleep routine, what would be the essentials? what would be the actual self-care? Well, I’m pretty good about getting my hour in the morning, and I think there’s something about having a non-negotiable in your day, but there are days when it isn’t possible, so sometimes I might still go out at the same time, but maybe just do 15 minutes, 20 minutes or something, or look for opportunities in the day where I might have a little break. I think, okay, I want to get out and have a little bit of movement, so I think it’s also easy for me to think, well if I can’t do what I’ve planned I’m not going to do it, whereas you can do a little bit of it, and I think that’s been an important realisation for me.

It seems obvious, why can’t you just go out for a little bit, but it’s easy to go, well if I can’t do the full hour what’s the point, and just kind of negotiating a bit with myself, or later in the day maybe if I had to have a busier start in the morning there might be a little bit of a space opens up later in the day, and that’s so important because it’s so easy for us to talk ourselves out of the things if we can’t do what we imagine is the idyllic thing, well won’t bother at all. A lot of people would love to do 15, 20 minutes, and they struggle to manage that, so just having that plan B, and yeah.

Yeah absolutely, and I think it’s more, I’m not able to quote who this is, but I was listening to something because sometimes I’m listening to the meditation and I’m like I’m not in the right mood, I feel like it’s not going in properly, and I was listening to someone saying about meditation, well if you go out in the rain it’s hard not to get wet, and I thought that was the kind of great thing, so sometimes I’m walking and I’m not managing to be that grounded, or there’s something else I’m thinking about, and it’s hard to get back there, but just sometimes I’ll just tell myself, or kind of remind myself of that little piece of thinking, and I think it’s really helpful to like something is happening, even if it’s not the full 100% experience.

Yeah, and it’s, we put so much pressure on ourselves don’t we, to have like the proper experience, rather than everything as information, and yeah, I guess I’m thinking just step by step, and like raindrop by raindrop, it’s very grounding anyway, you’re getting that fresh air, you’re getting the benefits of being out in nature.

And what about the Love element, the self-acceptance, the love archetype in psychosynthesis, the kind of you’re part of the divine, you’re part of nature, you don’t need to do a thing to improve yourself, what helps you with that ideally and as an essential.

Yes, I think that’s one of the things that the screens don’t help with. I mean I’m like everybody else, I’ve got a to do list, I’ll never get to the bottom of, you know that’s just part of life, and there’s always another email, or there’s so yeah, it is definitely a real challenge.

And I think being outside, ideally for me, water is really great, if I can be near a river or a larger body of water, really really helpful, but that’s not often that isn’t possible for me, so I might be walking along a road or something, not on the road, but a path that’s along the road, but sometimes I can be in a place where maybe there’s a little bit of trees beside the road, and so even just a little bit of nature is really really helpful to kind of feel part of that.

I was in a place a few weeks back, and it was really frosty, and I was kind of walking along a road with a path, and a kind of a wall with some trees, and there were some robins kind of jumping on and off the wall, and off to do their thing, and then I’m saying they’re coming back, not really to see me I suppose, but they’re doing their thing, and it’s just a tiny, tiny little thing, but it feel like you’re, I kind of had that feeling of being part of something, and yeah, yeah.

And what helps when you’re not, when you’re feeling potentially disconnected, what like helps you remember that we all are, and let’s say if you’re not outside, if you’re just at home or at work?

I think I’m lucky because every day I’ve got meetings with colleagues about events, or I’m in an event, or I’m also a psychotherapist, so I might be seeing a client or a supervisee, so really important in those meetings, not just to be all about the business of whatever the work is, but to also be in the contact, and that’s really, really important.

So it is in the course of the work, but like I’m kind of lucky to have lots of those kind of relational contacts, and I know at times, and this is a sign of getting disconnected, it’s like, oh got a lot to do, let’s hurry up, or let’s go on to the next thing, but just taking a bit more moment, to not just to do the work of course, but have the connection as well.

Yeah, so that segues beautifully into the heal part, the collective care, the community, and what helps you with that, like you mentioned your team earlier, you’ve obviously set up a strong system at work.

What helps you there in an ideal world, and also outside work, and what would be your one essential? Yes, well I think again, I mean I was going to say I’m lucky, but I think Sandra and I have created Online Events, and nurtured it, and kind of followed it as well, because sometimes it’s doing its own thing, we’re catching up, and it really is about community and connection and coming together.

And I think like often we can think about self-care as being really separate from work, but I think lots of colleagues in the helping professions feel this, it’s such an important part of life to have meaning and purpose in life, and I, Sandra and I, I think we get a lot of meaning from creating spaces where people can come and connect, and feel like they’re in a place where they’re welcomed, and that some good things can happen, and of course for Sandra and I to be in that too, that’s also very, very feeding and nurturing for us.

There’s like the getting of the meaning, and the experiencing of community. Hopefully our team has that feeling. I mean we also work hard, because I think what happens in the team happens in the wider container.

I think that’s a real source of nourishment and energy for me.

That is so lovely, and I’m thinking like in terms of like polyvagal guided approaches, like I use the cats, but that kind of ventral vagal, the pair, it’s all about safety and connection, and we thrive when we’re in that ventral vagal, like we feel safe, we feel welcome, we feel loved. The safer, I always think, when you go into any organisation, the people on the frontline, like at the checkout or wherever, if they’re not being treated well, it’s a terrible, like it’s also obviously terrible for those people not being treated well, but also it makes such bad business sense, because like when people feel valued, and they feel part of something, and they’re contributing, it transforms everything, and I love what you’re saying, even when you notice yourself rushing, that slowing down, and enjoying it, and what helps you with that when things are very hectic, like how do you slow down and connect?

Yeah, it’s a great question. It’s a really good question. Well, and I don’t always manage it. I think that’s the point of the podcast.

I don’t always manage it. So if anybody’s thinking, oh come on to Online Events, it always seems great, like at times we can be as a team, you know, like the furious paddling under the water, and sometimes we are stressed, because things aren’t going necessarily to plan.

I also think, well like work is such a huge part of life, and I want us to feel like we’re, like this is a good experience.

I want that in my life. There are other things I could do for work, and maybe it might be a bit easier. It could be more profitable, you know, like lots of, but I want to have a life where I feel like I’m doing the kind of things I want to do.

And Sandra and I want that for our team too, and I think that’s just a reminder of that, and the reminder of how easily that power balance can slip as well. Just because it’s nice for me doesn’t mean it’s nice for everybody else.

We try and meet several times a week, in different parts of the team, and I think being on Zoom, and seeing each other, and seeing each other’s faces, you get a sense of how is this going, or you know, and as someone who’s responsible for a team you can kind of see, oh maybe that didn’t land very well, you know, and maybe there’s a different way to say that, or a different approach to this project.

I think really being concerned about how everybody is, I think that reflection back to me is always a good reminder. And I think that’s different because from email or text communication, because it’s so easy just to fire off text based messages. But when you’ve got someone’s face in front of you, you can see how they are.

Yeah, that reflection is really helpful for me. Well thank you so much. Can I ask if you were to go back to 2009, or any younger you, what advice and love and care and wisdom would you like to share with you at that stage?

An interesting question. Well 2009 I still didn’t have any here, so wouldn’t be a barrier to keeping here. What would it be about? Well I think it’s like all projects. Sandra and I were so excited to get started, and so also concerned that we wouldn’t be able to, there wasn’t anything we’d be able to do, you know, or like we wouldn’t be able to serve the community in the ways that we wanted to.

And I think we’ve seen over the years, like if you stick at it things grow, not necessarily in the speed or the direction...

Sensory Soothers for Trauma and AuDHD this Brigid

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Sensory Soothers for Trauma and AuDHD this Brigid: Episode 96 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Do you want to learn to soothe and support your extra sensitive (whether through trauma/s, AuDHD (autism and ADHD) or anything else) nervous system?

The Goddess Brigid (we had a bank holiday yesterday to honour her, as well as her namesake, St Brigid, yesterday) is associated with so many wonderful qualities. Use her inspiration, healing and wisdom energies to protect and work with your sensitive nervous system instead of pushing through.

I share some of my personal journey with swimming and sensory challenges, offering practical strategies for finding activities that bring you joy (glimmers) as well as triggering more challenging sensory issues. Navigate sensory triggers with self-compassion and create a self-care practice that honours your AuDHD brain.

#brigid

#sensorydifferences

#sensitivenervoussystem

#audhd

#trauma

CHAPTERS

0:00–2:24 Introduction, AuDHD, balance, and nervous system support

2:24–3:13 Honouring Brigid and working with an extra-sensitive nervous system

3:13–6:03 Swimming as sensory soothing, regulation and coming home to the body

6:03–8:16 Glimmers, play, balance and how swimming supports ADHD symptoms

8:16–10:23 The Feel part: identifying glimmers, benefits and sensory blocks

10:23–12:28 The Love part: self-compassion, adaptation, and working with sensory needs

12:28–14:04 The Heal part: community, co-regulation and choosing when togetherness helps

14:04–15:50 Closing reflections, encouragement and next episode

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I love the balancing elements in terms of ADHD, balance is really helpful in terms of working with the cerebellum part of the brain and that’s really helpful in terms of some of our symptoms.

I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle Buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning. It’s polyvagal informed journal prompts to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal state (I call Purr! when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and I also share some of my own gratitudes, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week.

Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that. The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!). It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and to support yourself and it’s all free. If you haven’t already, you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again, let me know eve at selfcarecoaching.net. I hope you enjoy this episode.

Welcome to episode 96 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and this week we’re honouring the Goddess and Saint Brigid. It’s a new bank holiday in Ireland the last few years and Brigid has enormous associations with many, many things but particularly healing, inspiration, wisdom and protection.

I thought that for today’s episode we’d look at ways in which you might be inspired to heal and protect your extra-sensitive nervous system and to have that wisdom to stop pushing through and to actually work with what you need.

We’re going for sensory soothers. A few weeks ago I shared some of the ways in which I’ve made yoga more accessible to myself. Yoga, breath work and meditation as well as with countless clients and students. I was thinking about it when I was swimming and if you know me at all you probably know that I adore swimming, absolutely love it, but I’m also very averse to many elements of it.

Not just the cold getting into the sea but the getting changed, the noise, the hairdryer, hand dryers, any smells if people are spraying things, wet floors and ickiness in general. I struggle with an enormous amount but because I know how much I benefit from being in the water, I do it.

If I’m at the sea [or a lake or river] there’s the cold, the unpredictability of it all. There are lots of things and I think I realised I don’t remember swimming at school as a child, I remember I’ve got a picture of me as a small child at infant school, I remember us going at infant school to a local pool like it was half an hour away or something and everyone else in my class could swim and I couldn’t. I remember walking across the bottom of the pool and moving my arms like that saying, “please let me into the big pool” and they wouldn’t because I couldn’t swim.

And then I learned and I learned by playing. Playing is such a wonderful way to learn and diving for things, so I realised it’s not just the swimming, it’s all the glimmers I get, all the sensory soothing. I love, at the end, the hot shower then getting cooler and cooler and cooler and where I was younger I’d have turned it into a cold shower. Sometimes I do now but I use it very much as a what do I feel like today and where I normally go, you can adjust the temperature really easily in a way I can’t at home (I don’t dare adjust the temperature at home).

In the changing room, I can ignore most of what I find horrific in order to benefit from the jacuzzi jets, the steam room, the being underwater, I adore the sensations, I’m not a runner or anything like that but I love the breathlessness and the getting your heart rate up and the feeling held by the water, feeling immersed and cleansed and reset and especially when I’m in the sea even if it’s just for a minute or less it’s that just coming home to myself.

It was the first “resource” I had when I began my trauma recovery work, my personal trauma recovery work, the idea of myself way, way, way out to sea floating. I love the feeling of being held by the ocean or in a swimming pool if there’s enough room, I love floating face down, what me and a friend used to call Disturbing Position.

The actor Doris Day was apparently prescribed it for her anxiety but it is about breath control and there’s just something so relaxing for me about being face down. I’ve learned along the way (having been told off by a lifeguard in Sarajevo and various people) if I forget, if I get too relaxed it’s like so I generally move from that into an underwater handstand and I just adore my shoulders are much stronger again but I haven’t done my handstands up against the wall in a while.

I don’t want to risk hurting them again until I really feel ready but every time I swim I’ll do at least one underwater handstand and I just love that feeling of being upside down. I love the stretch throughout the body, throughout the abdomen, I love the balancing elements in terms of AuDHD, ADHD, balance is really helpful in terms of working with the cerebellum part of the brain and that’s really helpful in terms of some of our symptoms so these things that innately naturally feel amazing for my body are also helping me with my symptoms.

I love the warmth of the steam room, the heat, I love the feeling for my joints. If it’s empty I’ll do a bit of yoga in there and I love the ahhhh just after exerting myself. I love my DIY snorkel training where I’m at the very bottom of the pool doing things that when I was first learning how to do them I never believed my body would be able to. And I started that in my late 40s.

There are so many glimmers I associate with swimming, it’s a no-brainer for me anytime I’m down, anytime I need a reset. Anytime I need to feel human again I get into the water.

I’m sharing this in hopes that it will encourage you to think of some of the things that you might just have in your week, in your day as something that you know the glimmers make the sensory issues worth it while also having compassion for yourself around the sensory issues.

For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, identify what it is that you enjoy doing, the things that bring you many, many glimmers that help you feel most like yourself and that are good for you, that it might be swimming. It might be something completely different but notice, identify, list things that bring you many, many glimmers and also identify some of the blocks to doing those things.

I told you (More Joy, Less Angst: Trauma-informed Yoga for AuDHD: Episode 93 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast) about some of the blocks I find with yoga and meditation and breath work. But I’ve depended on them for decades for pain relief, for my mental health, for so many things. It’s the idea of not doing it, I might adapt my practice, I might change how I approach it but the benefits by far outweigh the sensory issues and it’s the same with swimming for me but by identifying blocks it helps me, like the pool that I’m normally a member at, it’s smaller than most pools, it’s smaller than I would like but it’s really lovely in every other way.

And it has sections where it’s adult only times of day where it’s adult only and that is really beneficial for me because I find crowds really hectic and I find noise very hectic. And it’s not that I don’t make noise myself (obviously I’m a human, I do) but finding that quieter time it means I’m not having to psych myself up to endure the sensory issues around the amplified acoustics and crowded hecticness.

Think about things that get in the way for you with the hairdryer, with the sprays, I’ve not yet found an antidote to other people spraying or the smells, oh my goodness, but I have compassion for myself.

We’re moving into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework and the compassion is enormous. Whereas I would have told myself that I shouldn’t feel that way about everyone else in the changing room spraying and hairdrying, I don’t own a hairdryer, don’t know if you can tell, it’s like a bit haphazard but the noise just, if it’s really bad in the changing room I’ll put in my little loop earplugs, not ideal because I’m not fully dry yet, but I have that compassion for myself and do that with the sprays, I just tell myself I will be out of there ASAP and speed up and get out of there ASAP.

But the Love part, that self-compassion, the acceptance, the recognition, you don’t need to change a thing about yourself, you’re already part of the divine, part of nature and it’s about understanding yourself better, working with yourself better, supporting yourself better, so the last thing you need when your sensory issues are triggered is beating yourself up about it.

For example, with the snorkelling, I really struggle with the wetsuit still. I hate it, I hate everything that goes with it, the boots, the gloves, all of it. And I know that they enable me to stay in the water for much longer and with the snorkelling to go that bit deeper, decide for yourself the payoffs, what you can navigate, ask Brigid to help you, ask Brigid to inspire you and guide you and help you use that wisdom in terms of your own lifestyle, your own schedule, your own glimmers, your own triggers and I would love to hear how you get on.

In terms of the heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, so that’s the more community, collective care, we heal through co-regulation. I know for me with swimming, when I swim alone it is heaven, it’s just heaven. If I have the pool to myself and I’m able to float and open up and meditate and in the sea as well, often there’ll be lots of people around and it’s nice to say hello and I’ll go basically in a direction where other people aren’t, I sound very misanthropic, I’m not, I just do like quiet a lot.

Think for yourself whether whatever it is you want to do, it will benefit from community, like for example the yoga classes, they’re wonderful because of the community, swimming, it’s lovely to see people at the sea, it’s lovely to chat to people in the changing room but notice for yourself the times and days where you benefit from community and the times and days where that is potentially that bit too much and how you might make it easier for yourself.

Or how you might potentially bring your own community, like arrange with one other person to go for a run or a walk or a swim or a bike ride or whatever it might be for you, help keep you accountable as well as you being able to connect side by side, co-regulate and do something that feels wonderful for both of you in ways that don’t cost too much in terms of sensory issues and being able to soothe them for yourself.

Let me know how you get on, next week I’ll be sharing my interview with the delightful John Wilson from Online Events and I look forward to hearing from you.

This is Meadbh’s tale and I’m sharing more soon, there she is and have a gorgeous week. Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, this episode like all of them was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and if you haven’t already and would like to, your subscribing or sharing or leaving a five-star review or comment, engaging in whatever way feels good for you, feels right for you, it helps me reach as many people with ADHD and trauma histories as possible.

I want to be able to help as many people as possible with this free resource, so please do if you think of someone, share it or leave a comment, leave a rating and of course reach out, get in touch with me direct if you’ve got any questions either in the comments or email eve at selfcarecoaching.net you can also access loads of free resources at the site selfcarecoaching.net, older episodes of the podcast at thefeelbethereverydaypodcast.com and you can book a free telephone consultation, you can find out more about all the other elements of my work, lots of free resources, lots of ways in which we might work together and most of all I hope you’ll come back next week.

Thank you for listening and I hope that we’ll put some of what you’ve heard into action and go easy on yourself as you heal your trauma and befriend your AuDHD brain, thanks again for listening.

RSD Part 1: Embrace Your Inner Farty McFartface

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) can feel debilitating when you’re living with AuDHD (autism and ADHD). In this episode, I share some of my personal journey with RSD - even at age 50! - and introduce some practical tools that help me and which can support you in stopping rejecting yourself.

CHAPTERS

0:00–2:22 Introduction to RSD and nervous system–informed support

2:22–5:23 Why RSD is so excruciating and how self-rejection develops

5:23–8:15 Early criticism, negative conditioning, and the ADHD/RSD cycle

8:15–11:47 RSD in creativity, work, relationships, and self-worth

11:47–13:45 Self-acceptance, self-love, and healing RSD in community

13:45–15:58 Expanding life again: stopping self-rejection and finding support

15:58–19:40 The Feel Love Heal framework and non-violent communication

19:40–24:52 Giraffe and jackal energy: compassion, blame, and nervous system responses

24:52–27:54 Fear of rejection, shame, and a very human yoga story

27:54–31:55 Integration, encouragement, and closing reflections

LINKS

Episode 71: Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks

Episode 72: The “Independent Woman” Trap

365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing https://selfcarecoaching.net/book/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2018/12/05/wellbeing-wednesday-advent-gratitude-practice-and-giraffes-and-jackals-for-better-communication-with-yourself-and-others/

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to Episode 95 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and it’s part one of on RSD, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is so prevalent with AuDHD and that’s autism and ADHD. And it can feel debilitating.

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham and you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. You can find out more and access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access loads of free resources and find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, the column I write for Platinum every month, other titles I contribute to, my work, loads of free resources I’ve created over the years.

I really hope you enjoy this episode and if you haven’t already signed up for my free newsletter, it goes out on a Monday, Míle Buíochas Mondays. Míle buíochas means a thousand thank yous in Irish, which I’m very slowly learning and it’s polyvagal-informed journal prompts to help you each week. There’s the gratitude practice element, figuring out more of what brings you joy on a daily basis, what helps you feel in that ventral vagal (I call Purr!) when I use the rescue cats with the Polyvagal Purrs approach. And I also share some of my own gratitude, some of the things that have helped me feel more in ventral vagal that week. Some of those will be resources that might benefit you and I also share news about upcoming events, special offers, things like that.

The journal prompts also include encouragement to look at what is creating sympathetic survival responses (that Hiss! with the Polyvagal Purrs approach) and potentially the dorsal vagal (Freeze!) It’s really helping you learn to map your own nervous system, get to know yourself and get to support yourself and it’s all free. If you haven’t already you can sign up at selfcarecoaching.net and if you have any questions again let me know either in the comments or at selfcarecoaching.net

I hope you enjoy this episode. I’m not normally someone who re-records things, my style is quite natural and unpolished and sometimes haphazard, but this is possibly the latest, since I started doing the podcast, that I’ve left it in terms of getting the episodes to my amazing virtual assistant who then sorts transcription and all out for me in terms of getting it all scheduled and ready for going out on Tuesday.

But I just woke up this morning thinking what I’d recorded I couldn’t share, I rejected it and that wasn’t my first attempt. It’s really weird. This is part one of a series, an occasional series, I was going to say part two would follow in a couple of weeks but I’m not going to put that pressure on myself.

RSD, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, Rejection Sensitivity Disorder, it is one of the most debilitating, excruciating elements of being alive with AuDHD, autism and ADHD. And I had no idea what it was until I began exploring ADHD however many years ago now and more so with the autism, with the ADHD medication treating so many of those symptoms.

But I’m 50 years old and I’ve spent much of the past nine months or so feeling like a teenager in terms of the RSD. I’m feeling it so, so strong and it always makes me laugh when people have other impressions of me because I know how excruciating life can feel from the inside out and also I’m aware that my bandwidth is lower with various things going on in life.

I thought I’d do this episode and I’m going to share some ways in which you can work with your own as well as giving you a bit more understanding around what it is. If you haven’t already come across, you probably have, Alex Partridge’s ADHD Chatterbox podcast, his gorgeous book Now It All Makes Sense has been out for a good while, been recommending that for a good while and he has a new book coming out Why Does Everybody Hate Me? which is specifically about RSD.

He’s doing amazing work in this area bringing together different experts and sharing his own experiences and I’m hoping that this, some of my own experiences as well as the ways in which you might choose to work with it will help you because ultimately we can’t control what happens around us but we can stop rejecting ourselves and I think this is where RSD is so enormous for so many of us with neurodivergence, with AuDHD, with autism, with ADHD where our parents potentially were undiagnosed, unknowing and they were projecting parts of themselves out onto Little Us’s and recognising, like I know when I look back, my parents, all the yelling, all the like criticism, they were trying to protect me. I then developed a very strong self-loathing inner critic but I understand they were both immigrants and they were not in the most welcoming part of the world for immigrants although I think it’s worse now.

I think they were both undiagnosed, autism and ADHD and they both had their own trauma.

I am very very fortunate that I have a lovely relationship with both of them, challenging as well but that I’ve been able to heal so much and I think the Inner Child work I continue to do, the reparenting I continue to do, I think it’s helping them as well.

I like to think that because sometimes that’s excruciating as well but I can recognise as a 50 year old that an enormous amount of the criticism and an enormous amount of like me being told everything I did was wrong, like from my London Essex accent, so every time I opened my mouth my speech would be corrected, the way I tied my shoelaces or held my pen or all these things.

Additude magazine which is for ADHDers, it’s an American publication, had a study a while ago and it wasn’t a huge study but the number has kind of reverberated around the world that ADHDers typically get 20,000 more negative inputs by the age of 10 than their neurotypical peers.

If you think about how we then start to police ourselves and how we then, we might make a mistake, we might do something embarrassing, we might do something ridiculous and in order to try and not be yelled at or criticised or bullied or made fun of or shamed or any of the things that have happened a gazillion times to us, we tear ourselves down. The attempt is to try and protect ourselves from doing it again in the future but of course it just makes it worse.

If you haven’t already seen the film Penelope, I recommend you watch it. It stars Christina Ricci, Reece Witherspoon, James McAvoy, Catherine O’Hara and I can’t remember who else, I’ve seen it several times but the message is just glorious and it hugely applies around any kind of rejection, any kind of sensitivity. Being a writer, professional writer since 2004, that has forced me to confront my RSD long before I understood what RSD was. I thought everyone felt like that but you can’t afford to not put yourself out there, your ideas out there, your work out there, no matter how excruciating it may feel if you want to share your work.

Same could go for being an entrepreneur and being any kind of creative person.

I was single for 23 years because I made some terrible decisions which were bad for me when I was younger and also the more I understand about RSD, it’s like just the excruciatingness of being, attempting to be in relationship when I was so rejecting of myself.

And I know that when I began building my business in 2004, a lot of things that I had to overcome and learn and expand into as a business owner, as a freelance writer, as a coach, complimentary therapist, therapist, supervisor, all of it, it all continually comes up for healing and then by the age, by the year 2022, I had the realisation that in spite of all this work I was doing on myself and with clients and with groups and with readers and with audiences, all of it, I believed that I was unlovable and that was why I was single.

I thought Yikes! If a client came to me and had recognised that, I would be working with them to help them heal because of course everyone is lovable, my whole business, my whole practice is based around us all like the more we can imagine ourselves as a beloved rescue cat for example, it can really help with that reminder that everyone on the planet, no matter how awful we might think ourselves or think others, we’re all connected .

I gave myself, I think, a month to start online dating and I put up my first profile I think on Valentine’s Day 2022. And I had a lot of fun. And a lot of excruciating, mortifying horrors. And mostly enormous curiosity about something I’d shut myself off from in terms of other people.

And then I met my partner that autumn. I still struggle an enormous amount with RSD and I think especially as I mentioned with the medication, with the diagnoses coming to terms with a whole new identity and keeping, having the epiphany that the more I accept myself, the more I love myself, the more I befriend myself and my traits, my symptoms, whatever I’m calling them that day, the easier it all is. It doesn’t make it easy, it doesn’t make it in any way. I’m sharing this just to let you know it’s part of being alive, it’s part, I struggle to know with things like this.

I know how excruciating I have found life and often still find life unbearable at many times during my life but I got through it and I built an enormous toolkit, wrote a book with 365 of them. I depend on so many self-care practices daily and regularly just in order to help myself navigate humaning in this world where rejection can hurt so enormously and I’m all about working with the nervous system and moving towards what feels good, moving away from what doesn’t, supporting the vagus, that soothing self-talk, all of it.

And also recognising that with RSD, sometimes we can’t trust our own AuDHD brains even though so much of my work and my life and my recovery is about recognising we all know ourselves best, it’s about remembering we’re part of nature, we’re part of the divine and sometimes we can’t trust what we’re telling ourselves, we need to really question the stories and a trusted friend, a trusted partner, a trusted therapist or coach or group. We heal in community, we heal by co-regulating and we can help others as well as accepting that support for ourselves.

I was recently interviewed for a feature for The Journalist on helping writers deal with rejection and I will share a link in the show notes when that comes out but it won’t be for a good few months. But I thought this really is something that can have a big impact on lives, on making them smaller and I hope that this episode will help you expand and go easier on yourself and find reminders for yourself, just where are you rejecting yourself, what aspects of yourself are you projecting out?

They might be positive parts of yourself, they might be things you consider negative, you might want to go back to the Own Your Shadow episode, I think it was for Black Cat Week, there’ll be a link in the show notes and yeah I hope you find this helpful and I would love to hear from you and you can email eve at selfcarecoaching.net or reply in the comments and I hope that you have community around you or are giving yourself permission to want community around you and beginning to build that.

I’ve started a monthly Westport Lunar Circle in Westport which is really lovely, a very small group, five maximum, it was six but I’m actually making it a bit more spacious with five of us and you can do that, you can join us if you’re local and want to and find out more through selfcarecoaching.net but you can find groups, you can create your own groups and know rejection is part of life and it can feel debilitating and it is worth reminding yourself that the RSD is not the truth.

We will start with the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework and because it’s so much about self-compassion and about accepting ourselves, loving ourselves, giving ourselves permission to want what we want, need what we need, a huge part for me that keeps coming up is when I feel needy.

I’m in a phase of life at the moment where my bandwidth is pretty low and I’m dealing with a lot and some of that is anticipatory grief and I feel again really needy sometimes and I hate that.

I like feeling strong, I like feeling competent and capable and able to support others and I still do all those things, I love doing all those things and also recognising I need support. I need people I can trust and lean into and it can feel really painful and I can sometimes find old ways of being, popping into my head around wanting to push people away because I’m scared that they might disappear or reject me and it’s easier for me to reject them and I do my best to not do that.

I do my best to have open conversations with them about what is coming up constantly for healing and one of the tools I wrote about in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, which you can find out more about on the website and access lots of book bonus videos and there’ll be a link in the show notes, but one of the tools was Non-Violent Communication.

I have my giraffe from Kenya up there and Marshall Rosenberg developed this style of communication to work in conflict areas around the world, including families, so he worked, he was American, he worked in America, of course he did, but in the Middle East, in the North of Ireland, all around the world and he came up with the analogy of a giraffe and a jackal and there’ll be a link in the show notes to previous blog posts around this as well, but he felt that the giraffe had the largest heart of any mammal and the giraffe represents compassion, curiosity. It’s what we now would call Purr! That ventral vagal way of moving through life where it’s not conflict-free but if we can navigate it with an open heart, collaborating, recognising that there’s enough for everyone and we can heal together. It’s that science of safety and connection, it’s much easier to have empathy for our own needs and wants and to communicate them in a way that is clear and kind and that enables the other or the others to tune into how that lands with them and decide whether or not they can meet them or not and the clearer we are on what we know and what we need and what we want and the more clearly and openheartedly and lovingly we can ask for all of that, the better for all involved. There’s less resentment, there’s less confusion and so many of us have been conditioned out of allowing our needs and wants because we’ve grown up believing that it’s selfish to want what we want or need what we need.

Women have traditionally been raised, girls less so now, but for hundreds and hundreds of years there was such dependence on a husband because unable to earn a living in your own right, sometimes having to manipulate or having to be less clear about things. Kasia Urbaniak talks about good girl conditioning and I did a podcast episode, there’ll be a link in the show notes, around that and how we can come out of that by turning our attention outwards as well as inwards, but either way we want to do it with that open heart, with that compassion.

Giraffe Out is where we have compassion for others, so we’re able to see even when people might be expressing themselves clumsily, give them the benefit of the doubt, being curious, not putting ourselves in harm’s way in any way shape or form but just having that empathy, that curiosity, that compassion and harder for many of us is that Giraffe In where we have compassion for how we might have asked something clumsily or demanded it or withdrawn or gone into sympathetic survival or hiss.

I don’t know if you can hear Meadbh in the background here. So giraffe is what we’re aiming for in and out and in the feel part, that self-care, the hyphenated self-care, the regulatory, the things we can do for ourselves. I want you to think about people who illustrate that for you, demonstrate that for you, they may be people in your own life, you may talk to them, they may be people you’ve read about and like with ventral vagal, no one is in this the whole time.

If you haven’t come across Scilla Elworthy’s book Power and Sex, it’s how I heard about Non-Violent Communication decades ago and she gives a glorious example. She did amazing work dealing with nuclear decision makers. She was a peace activist but she knew that there’s no point just preaching to the choir and she was having challenging conversations and she found Non-Violent Communication really helpful.

It’s sometimes known as Compassionate Communication and she gives a beautiful example in the book where she has her dog at the training and the trainer’s dog who she gets on really well with, sorry the trainer, also has their dog and their dog is attacking her dog at a certain point in the proceedings and everything she’s learned just goes out the window as it’s just… it’s funny that Meadbh has come to join me because Meadbh has not been 100% lately and she’s been a bit more aggressive as well as more friendly with Rainbow and watching them navigate that and recognising my own patterns with other humans and trying to be more compassionate with myself when I go into sympathetic survival (Hiss!) and recognising no one’s in ventral vagal (Purr!) the whole time.

So jackal is the blame, jackal is the scarcity, jackal is that sympathetic survival, the adaptive survival response that so many of us have been conditioned into where it isn’t safe to make mistakes, it isn’t safe to ask for what you want or need and so we either blame ourselves, the Jackal In, or we blame others, Jackal Out, for not being psychic and meeting our needs.

For the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, I want you to send yourself, send your inner jackal an enormous amount of love and know it’s fine, it needs acceptance, it needs to be identified and not listened to and not allowed to run wild through your life, rejecting yourself and

Neuro-affirming Self Acceptance with Dr Emma Bede

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Am delighted to be sharing this interview with the fantabulous Dr Emma Bede. We met online when we were both presenting at Online Events’ Living and Working with Neurodivergence Conference last year and she is SUCH a joy.

SIGN UP FOR THE FREE NEWSLETTER AND GET MORE INFORMATION HERE

Here are some of my favourite quotes from our conversation:

“These are the structures I need to have in place. I think as someone with ADHD, I think if I think of that as like, ‘Come on, you’ve got to do this every day for the rest of your life,’ I just get angry.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m not very good at forming habits. Things don’t become autopilot except for the really unhelpful things. I played Candy Crush once and I’m going to play it every day for the rest of my life. But for the helpful things, I’m never on autopilot, you know, I always need the reminders, the prompts, the visual cues, the apps, the habit trackers. But I’ve been gradually adding more and more things.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I can’t do all of those things every day, but they go in waves and I’m getting better over time at noticing, oh, I’ve skipped a few days of this actually. And I quite kind of miss it and I want to come back to it. I want to feel how I feel when I do that thing and that might mean that I give up on something else a little bit.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“I’m saying to other people, ‘Well, that’s OK. That’s how your body works. That’s how your brain works. Let’s find a way to go with that. Let’s find a way to go with the rhythm of that.’ And then to walk out of the room and swear at myself for doing the exact same thing? You can only sustain that for so long.” ~ Dr Emma Bede

“If you’re holding a screwdriver in your hand and everyone else is holding a spanner, you can sit there for years trying to use it as a spanner and it’s not going to work. But then you go, ‘Do you know what? This is a screwdriver. I cannot do the things that those people can do with their spanners, but screwdrivers can do amazing stuff. I’m going to go do some of those things!’” ~ Dr Emma Bede

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to our interview, ask yourself:

· Who can you be that honest with in your life? Advocating for your sensory needs while also loving and accepting them?

· How can you be kinder to yourself when you meltdown? What will help you repair? Remember, the reparation allows deeper healing and connection than if you were to somehow magically become the perfect parent/partner/therapist etc.

Let me know in the comments or by email – eve@selfcarecoaching.net

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00–1:54 Self-care without punishment: the paradox of acceptance and change

1:54–5:13 Welcome and introductions: Dr Emma Bede

5:13–13:02 Ideal vs actual self-care: ACT, gentleness, and finding a rhythm that works with ADHD/autism

13:02–20:06 Self-acceptance, perfectionism, and “acceptance permits change” (including the screwdriver metaphor and RSD moment)

20:06–28:21 Support systems and boundaries: co-regulation, humour, cats and spotting capacity before meltdown

28:21–33:06 Healing your Younger Self: reassurance, being more of you, and not being a “tribute band”

33:06–35:35 Where to find Emma, book mention and closing notes

LINKS

Emma Bede’s website:

https://www.willowpsychology.co.uk/

https://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

for all episodes and more information

https://selfcarecoaching.net

for free resources (including Míle Buíochas Mondays), more information and to book a free telephone consultation for potential clients and supervisees (and for media enquiries or booking me for events).

#AcceptanceAndCommitmentTherapy

#selfcareforAuDHD

#selfcareforADHD

#selfcareforautism

#dremmabede

#newpodcastepisode

FULL TRANSCRIPT

That paradox between that second, the Love [part of your framework] of “You’re perfect as you are, you’re wonderful.” And also, “Right, what are you going to do today? How are you going to make today better? How are you going to fix yourself?” And to have those two parts alongside each other. But I think it connects to that very first thing you said. It’s not what you’re doing, it’s the attitude with which you’re doing it.

And to situate all this kind of self-care, not in a kind of punitive, come on, you’re malfunctioning, you’re not quite as good as other people. And if I just whip you hard enough, you might just about be up to scratch. Yeah.

But all that self-care, including the difficult stuff and the self-regulatory stuff and the boring stuff to come from that position of it’s because you’re wonderful and you’re lovely and you’re okay and you deserve to be here. It’s because of that that I actually think you should probably get a good night’s sleep. Yeah.

Welcome, Emma. Thank you so much for joining me. I met Dr. Emma Bede when we were both presenting at the Online Events Neurodivergence Conference last October.

And I so loved what you were saying, and the compassionate approach you had to your own needs with neurodivergence and trying to be loving towards, in the case I’m remembering, someone you were eating with, but the communication that, like, I know you do so much amazing work.

Can you tell people where they might find you and what you’re working on at the moment?

Yes, I absolutely can. And also, the feeling is mutual because I came to your presentation at the conference and used cats as a medium of explaining Polyvagal Theory, which I’ve never managed to grasp until someone put some cats in front of me and suddenly everything made sense, because that’s language I understand.

You’ve made my day.

Yes, so I do a mixture of different kinds of work. I’m a therapist, first and foremost. I work with neurodivergent neurotypical people. I do autism and ADHD assessments and kind of post-diagnostic support, but also support for people who don’t want to or aren’t currently ready to or choose not to, for whatever reason, go through a formal process before or after. And I do quite a lot of workshops and presentations and so on.

And I’ve just, I’ve got a book manuscript deadline in a couple of weeks, which is exciting as well. Yes, I’ll look like that after I’ve handed it in. But right now, I don’t quite look like that.

But yes, so I don’t do very well on social media because I’m not very good at being consistently doing the same thing every day. So I’m mainly at my website, which is willowpsychology.co.uk. And I do quite a lot through Online Events. I do quite a lot of teaching and workshops through there, but I try and post everything on the website.

In theory, I have a newsletter and people have signed up to it and I haven’t yet put an edition out. So if people sign up to a newsletter, if enough people sign up to it, I will have to actually write it at some point. So that’s also part of the plan.

So you could say quality, not quantity.

Yes. Led by the muse who shows up sometimes 30 times in one day and sometimes not for a month. So yes, it’s rather like that. Yeah. Wow.

Well, good luck with the book manuscript. I’ll definitely, I’ll add it to the show notes when it’s available. When it’s available to pre-order as well. I would love you to say a little bit about your ideal self-care and your actual self-care, particularly around neurodivergence trauma.

And I’ve briefly explained my framework where the Feel bit, Feel. Love. Heal, the Feel bit because in different moments, let alone different days, we have different bandwidths. We need different things.

The same activity or the same approach one day could be pure self-care. The next day it could be punitive. So, the Feel bit is that kind of lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory, the things we can do to help ourselves feel better.

The Love bit is the kind of Love archetype in psychosynthesis, the acceptance, the there’s no need to change a thing. You’re part of nature, part of the divine already whole. And I’m aware this year it feels like there’s more people saying that around New Year, New You, forget that you’re already wonderful. But we also know when we accept ourselves, when we’re compassionate to ourselves, any kind of change we do want to make, it becomes much easier because we’re not in the Stress Response. That’s the love part. And then the Heal part is the co-regulation, the collective care.

I hope I’m not overwhelming you with all of this and continue to ask questions as needed. But what would you say would be your ideal self-care in terms of things you do to help yourself feel better?

And just to pick up on the way you frame that, I think one of the therapies I use quite a lot is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). I find it’s a good fit for me personally and also for a lot of neurodivergent people who maybe haven’t got on with other well-known therapies.

It’s the attitude with which you’re doing it. And to situate all this kind of self-care, not in a kind of punitive, come on, you’re malfunctioning. You’re not quite as good as other people.

And if I just whip you hard enough, you might just about be up to scratch. But all that self-care, including the difficult stuff and the self-regulatory stuff and the boring stuff to come from that position of it’s because you’re wonderful and you’re lovely and you’re OK and you deserve to be here. It’s because of that that I actually think you should probably get a good night’s sleep even if you don’t feel like going to bed right now.

And, you know, I know you want to eat that for breakfast, but maybe, Love, let’s try with this first and then we’ll try that later. But you know what you need right now, that all self-care as far as it can to come from that place of gentleness. And I think a lot of talk about self-care comes from that place of like, you know, all successful people do this one thing or, you know, you will never succeed if you don’t X, Y, Z. So I think one of the things I try to hold in mind with self-care is that allowing myself to have a kind of rhythm.

I think all human beings, we’re cyclical on tiny, tiny scales across the course of kind of hours of kind of exertion and rest, thinking and then playing, you know, waking and then sleeping and on bigger cycles across weeks and months and years.

To allow myself to have that rhythm and to think of it in those terms, I think a lot of the things where I’ve been gradually over the years trying to understand how my brain works, how my body works and build up this pattern of I do need a certain amount of sleep and I do need it realistically to happen within a certain window, even if that’s not when I’d really like it to happen.

These are the things I need to eat. These are the ways I need to move my body. These are the bits of work I need to get done. These are the structures I need to have in place. I think as someone with ADHD, I think if I think of that as like, “Come on, you’ve got to do this every day for the rest of your life,” I just get angry.

I get frustrated and I get that demand avoidance of like, “No, I shan’t, I’ll show you” you know, but to think of it in terms of a rhythm of, “Come on, we’re going to push a little bit now and then we can rest a little bit afterwards.” You know, if I put the effort in to kind of get up and then it makes actually the next bit of my day a little bit gentler and I don’t have to push so hard and then I have a little push to get this bit of work done. And then so I’ve really been kind of in the big picture over the last few years for me has been trying to kind of build in that balance of those things and the small details have been adding things in.

So the most recent thing is, I don’t know if you know Sarah Beth Hunt. She does quite a lot of breathwork teaching. She teaches us. Messy luminous beings, I think is her website [https://sarahbhunt.com/].

And I’ve been on, I’ve been taking part in a thing that she’s doing all through January of meeting very, very briefly at seven o’clock every Monday morning and doing some breathing and stretches and really sort of 10, 15 minutes. And I looked at this and I thought, oh, seven o’clock on a Monday morning. And I thought, I’m already up at that time.

I have to do a school. I’m already up. What if I just did this tiny bite size thing and actually sustained it myself in between the things and it’s been, it’s been a revelation for me.

Because I’m not a morning person. I don’t want to get up, but I have to. And I think I always end up in that in-between state where I’m not sleeping.

I’m not actually resting because I’m lying in bed knowing I need to get up, but I’m not up. But I’m not up. And actually it’s been really a revelation for me that I do not want this to be true.

I don’t want it to be true that I feel better if I hop out of bed at seven o’clock and do some stretches, but it turns out to be true. And I kind of resent that for being true, but it’s, it’s been really interesting. So I’ve been doing that at the moment and that’s, I told my children and my partner that I’ve been doing this and they genuinely said to me, “Are you OK? Are you well?” Because this is so much not like me, but it, my body responds really well to it.

I’m trying to kind of go with that and with curiosity and slight amusement, find out where that takes me. So that’s what I’m doing at the moment.

Wonderful. And would you say that’s your essential, like if you only manage one thing, like if you don’t get the sleep, if you don’t get the food or is it different?

I think that’s very new. So that bit is very new. There are lots of things. I’ve gradually been adding in more and more things. I’m not very good at forming habits. Things don’t become autopilot except for the really unhelpful things. I played Candy Crush once and I’m going to play it every day for the rest of my life. But for the helpful things, I’m never on autopilot, you know, I always need the reminders, the prompts, the visual cues, the apps, the habit trackers. But I’ve been gradually adding more and more things.

And I’m aware there’s quite a lot of it, there’s lots of things that really help to build this kind of scaffolding around me almost. And what I find works is if I let myself, I cannot do everything every day. And I actually, if I aim for every day and I miss one, I’m going to go, well, that’s it’s ruined.

I’m going to do that again. Yeah. I get frustrated. I feel trapped. I feel angry with it. I resent it.

Whereas if I let myself just push and ease off a little bit. So there’s lots and lots of things whereas long as most of them are mostly there most of the time. And so sleep is a really important one.

I get older and I can’t stay up all night without really paying for it for a number of days. Eating, I’m slowly working out like, what are the things that my body really needs to eat? When do I need to eat? And also writing. If I go too long without sort of creative writing or journaling or something like that, I just need a place to put my thoughts kind of on the page where they’re manageable and they’re sort of trapped in a book and I can shut them in there so they’re not running around in my head all the time.

And so I can’t do all of those things every day, but they go in waves and I’m getting better over time at noticing, oh, I’ve skipped a few days of this actually. And I quite kind of miss it and I want to come back to it. I want to feel how I feel when I do that thing.

And that might mean that I give up on something else a little bit. If I’m straight away going to my journal, I’m not straight away hopping out of bed to do yoga. And that might ease off for a little bit, but then my body will miss that and I’ll lean back into that, you know.

So there’s not one essential, but there’s more and more things I’m sort of adding to this structure.

It sounds like the essential is your attitude and even that approach most of the time. And I’m also aware with the kind of rotation, with the what are you craving, that’s supporting the ADHD, isn’t it? The novelty that it’s not completely the same every day. You’re going with what feels good.

And waiting until I’m excited to do something and missing it, yeah. But I think it’s important as well. I don’t want that to be true. I want there to be an end point where I am perfect and I’m doing all of these things every day. And how much of that is living in capitalism and how much of that is kind of a masked neurodivergent person for most of my life, trying really hard to be good enough so that one day I’ll learn how to be like everyone else.

And it will be easy for me like it’s easy for them. This combination of all the various things, I don’t want it to be true. I don’t.

When I hear you say back to me most of the things, most of the time, I’m like, well, that sounds kind of shabby, you know? Oh, my God. It’s not good enough. It’s not perfect.

So why even bother? But realistically, it’s the only way I can. To me, it’s like hearing you. It’s reminding me of stuff like my herbal medicine person says, or my acupuncturist or like the kind of 80, 20, the like 18 or 18.

I don’t know if I got that wrong. But listening to you, it’s like, “Oh, kitten, don’t!” but of course, and I also know when it comes to me, it’s very much like, come on, just try a little bit harder.

Come on, like, yeah. And I’m also struck as we move into the Love part of the framework, that acceptance that everyone is part of nature. That’s why I use the cats. No one looks at a cat and thinks you should be doing more. It’s like they’re just amazing. We’re all mammals and we’re all conditioned that we have to prove ourselves and like be productive and all of it.

But when we connect just with what our animal bodies need, our nervous system needs, our spirit, like it’s just everything gets easier. But because it’s so radical to do that, it’s sometimes really, really challenging to believe that we are enough, that we’re not too much, that we are worthy. We’re lovable, all of that.

And you were talking about like kind of self-care. And I’m thinking I wrote a book, self-care. My practice is selfcarecoaching.net. But the way you were talking about it and the care element of self-care and just thinking, wow, it really has been hijacked, hasn’t it? It really has become such a punitive stick for people.

It’s become self-discipline with a cloth thrown over it that’s got self-care written on it. Yeah, absolutely. But there’s so much harshness.

So what is your ideal, like in terms of connecting with that like highest, truest, wisest, that uppercase S Self, that most miraculous part of yourself? What would be your ideal and then your essential? When you were talking about the cat, Mary Oliver quote pops into my head. Probably, you know, I’ve got...

More Joy, Less Angst: Trauma-Informed Yoga for AuDHD

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 07:00:00 +0100

GET YOUR FREE POLYVAGAL-INFORMED JOURNAL PROMPTS HERE

If it hadn’t been for the immediate pain relief from the endometriosis, I’d have run a gazillion miles in the opposite direction from yoga, breathwork and meditation. Back in 2001, I didn’t understand about the impact my trauma history had on my capacity to feel safe around other humans, let alone my differently wired brain and extra sensitive nervous system.

I’d adore elements (was getting up for 6.30am classes in London at one point) but be full of angst – which I blamed myself for – around many other seemingly inevitable parts of every class (e.g. other people’s feet waaaay too close to my face when I struggled with even my own feet being so close).

In this episode, I share some of my yoga glimmers as well as triggers and ideas – using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework – to help you give yourself the chance to experience calm and ease as you build strength, resilience, flexibility, focus, stamina, balance and reconnect with the peace and joy that are your birthright.

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to this episode, ask yourself:

What do I hate about yoga, meditation and breathwork?

Might there be ways around it?

To get the benefits without wanting to run a gazillion miles in the opposite direction?

What do I LOVE about them? In the moment? For minutes, hours and even days afterwards?

What will you do differently (with your self-talk and communicating your needs and wants to others) as a result of watching or listening to this episode?

Let me know in the comments or by email – eve@selfcarecoaching.net

And if you’re feeling sad reading this because you can’t think of anything that supportive, let it be a cue to encourage you to be open to more of it in 2026 and beyond.

LINKS

Moving into 2026 with Roxy Romaniuk: https://youtu.be/3fZVHL_4wzk

Community as Self Care (with Elizabeth Potts): https://youtu.be/ukjngIR6U_w

Book bonus videos: https://selfcarecoaching.net/book/

Míle Buíochas Mondays: https://feelbettereveryday.kit.com/f7f730d651

Trauma-informed and neuro-affirming yoga, breathwork and meditation: https://selfcarecoaching.net/services/yoga-and-meditation/

Endometriosis:

https://selfcarecoaching.net/?s=endometriosis

CHAPTERS

0:00–4:12 Introduction and recognising the benefits of yoga, breathwork, and meditation

4:12–8:43 Trauma-informed and neuro-affirming approaches and adapting practice to your needs

8:43–11:34 Sensory considerations, self-advocacy and embracing self-love

11:34–15:34 Community, co-regulation and giving yourself permission to experiment

15:34–20:16 Resources, support and moving further into 2026

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you like the idea of yoga, breathwork, meditation, but think that with your trauma history, hypervigilance, AuDHD (that’s autism and ADHD) brain, you simply can’t?

This episode will share some of the things that I use with clients and students, as well as the things that have helped yoga, breathwork and meditation really become a way which I come home to myself, rather than a way in which it often felt quite torturous.

Welcome to Episode 93 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, and senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD, ADHD-friendly, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming and transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people through self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as your Self with that uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. With new episodes each Tuesday, you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes.

And if you’re new here, do check out older episodes, access free deeper dives and more resources and information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoy this episode.

I am recording this after I recorded the rest of the episode because I realised that I had focused so much on the challenges when you have a trauma history, when you have that hypervigilance, if you have autism or ADHD, AuDHD, and I missed the GLIMMERS and what keeps me going back.

And especially with Roxy’s episode last week (Episode 92). This morning, we’d been snowed in yesterday and I had to cancel attending a class. And this morning I was expecting ice. So I hadn’t had my hopes too high up, which meant I hadn’t psyched myself up as much as I normally do for an early start.

I was like, when it wasn’t all icy, it was like, “Oh, so I can go, but I’m so cold and I’m so cosy and I don’t want to get up and I maybe I don’t like yoga and maybe I’ll just go back to sleep and maybe…”

And I had a word with myself gently and I went. And I again, when I say I almost weep sometimes in class, like no one would see, but it just feels like my whole body is saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

And I think that’s the other side of sensory issues that we often don’t talk about.

We talk about the distress. We talk about when it’s triggering. We talk about when people feel too close to intrusive. Where there are like smells or any kind of senses being overly stimulated. But of course, we need stimulation and we benefit from stimulation and the movement, the joy of feeling the joints and the muscles and the blood and just the heart lightening and the mind calming and the soul connecting.

I really wanted to add this little bit to today’s episode because it’s the mental health, the emotional health, the physiological and the spiritual benefits that keep me going back and that keep me practising at home in between classes.

But I’m really finding that attending classes is so, so worth it if you can manage it.

So Happy New Year! It’s really important that if meditation, breathwork and yoga appeal to you, that you know that there are trauma-informed ways of working, there are neuro-affirming ways of working.

It can be an accessibility issue. And I know I’ve said before in other episodes, I only stuck with it because it was such good pain relief with the chronic pain condition I had for so many decades. I really want to save other people the pain.

We’ll be talking more about rejection sensitivity dysphoria in a couple of weeks. But throughout my training, throughout almost every class I attended, I’d always have such a huge inner voice telling me I was doing it wrong.

Often, instructors would be really kind of didactic in terms of not fidgeting and taking your socks off when I had sensory issues around any of that. I’m hoping that listening to today’s episode or watching will help you give yourself permission to do what’s appropriate for you. Maybe talk to instructors in advance.

Whether you’re doing a home practice or going to a class, knowing that yoga, breathwork and meditation is for everybody and every mind. It can be transformative when you own your sensory issues and you own other aspects, your hypervigilance, other things that have stopped you getting onto the mat, feeling like you’re too much and you can’t do it.

You absolutely can. But as with so much around self-compassion, first of all, we’re going to work through the Feel. Love. Heal. framework again, but recognising that it’s not about overriding sensory issues or other ADHD or autism traits.

It’s about recognising them purely as information. It’s another opportunity to be mindful, to work with yourself rather than arguing with reality and wishing that you move through life differently. It’s about body work that we do for ourselves. It can be so beneficial in so many different ways.

I’ve spoken about yoga nidra and the research showing that it increases dopamine by up to 65% (for this and more visit selfcarecoaching.net/yoga). No side effects. It’s just a gorgeous deep rest, non-sleep. You can do it in as little as 10 minutes. You can take longer practices and choose voices that appeal and choose whether you want music or not music in the background. There are so many options.

And similarly, there are so many different types of yoga classes. There are so many that you can do online videos, you can attend a local studio, you can try different studios, different classes within the same studio. With breathwork, there’s going to be somewhere it’s much more tailored to the individual, others where they’re trying, like, or you feel that they’re trying to make you conform to another way of breathing.

There’s so much we criticise about ourselves on a day-to-day basis. We really want any kind of self-care practices to be nourishing and supportive and affirming. And so, as we move into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I want you to think about some of the obstacles.

When you think about yoga, breathwork, meditation, make a list. All the things that get in the way of you going or enjoying those practices, if it appeals. If this does not appeal, I don’t imagine you’re listening this far into the episode.

Is it something that could be solved by wearing socks, by talking to an instructor, by getting special socks with a grip? Maybe explaining that you’re going to kind of move in your own way. Some instructors are great about encouraging that at the start of every class. Some instructors will ask if you’ve got any injuries or illnesses they need to know about.

Others won’t. But you can own your brain. You can befriend your brain.

You can befriend your body and just speak up for yourself and say in advance, either ringing the studio or emailing or just speaking quietly to the instructor before the class and just say you’re taking care of yourself. It might look a bit strange. You can get there early and find a space where you’re less likely to feel disturbed.

You can recognise that even if you’re looking very serene, you may be feeling very hypervigilant and you can talk soothingly to yourself. There are a million things you can do and I’d love to hear what you’re already doing. Let me know, email eve at selfcarecoaching.net or message in the comments and ask me any questions.

I still remember an instructor I had in London. He was brilliant, but he had no idea about women’s bodies and hair. It’s all right for a guy with a crew cut to say don’t touch your hair, but when you have longer hair and it’s at different lengths and you’re moving into different poses and you’re having to adjust clothing to fit over curves, you can’t not.

You can’t be exposing bits that aren’t appropriate to be exposing. You can’t be having enormous sensory issues about hair on the back of your neck. I mean, you can and I used to in my 20s.

I would override what felt friendly for me and my body and my brain and obey the strange man who was doing his best as far as he was concerned. It was a wonderful way to be mindful of the desire to move and to not do it. I had no idea just how torturous that was until I got older and more confident and gave myself permission to work with my body and work with my brain and move in between poses.

There are so many things I wish I’d known when I was younger, my hope is that by sharing some of these now, you won’t take so long to learn them.

As we move into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, this is more about your being perfect just the way you are. You’re part of nature, part of the divine and there’s nothing that needs to be changed.

It’s about giving yourself permission to have your preferences, to have your needs, to have your wants. Again, reminding yourself that sensory issues are not something to be ashamed of. They’re information.

It’s helping you design a life and environments that support your nervous system, that enable you to then thrive. Pay attention to your sensory issues. If a certain studio or instructor or meditation teacher or anything is unable to hear what you’re explaining, there are plenty of others.

Honour yourself, stop apologising for yourself. Know that you deserve the benefits of yoga, breathwork and meditation just as much as everyone else.

As we move into the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, it’s about the co-regulation, the community, the finding a studio where you’re able to, ahhhh, and if you listen to the Elizabeth Potts episode (episode 83), I talk so much about how delighted I am to have found a local studio where I can, ahhhh, at the Yoga Root and last week’s episode with Roxy Romaniuk (episode 92), just really gorgeous class.

It’s really lovely to be able to be held myself because so much of my work is about holding others, which I also adore to do. But with yoga, with breathwork, with meditation, wonderful as it is to do it in community, wonderful as it is to let yourself be held, it’s also body work you can do for yourself.

You can, by changing your breath, changing your posture, changing the way you move on the mat and through life, work with your vagus nerve, send those signals up to the brain that then cascade down, 80% of going upwards.

That’s so much faster than telling yourself to be more confident or calmer or however it is you want to feel moving in those ways. And you can check out the book bonus videos on my website, selfcarecoaching.net/book. And I have some of the mental health benefits, some of the mood benefits around many of the different poses and breath practices.

You can use yoga as medicine. Think, how do I want to feel? And use your body alone. You don’t have to go anywhere.

It’s body work you do for yourself. You don’t, especially with interpersonal trauma, it can be really hard to let yourself be held. It can be really hard to put yourself in someone else’s hands.

Give yourself permission to do what feels right for you, every step of every way. And recognise that co-regulation is one of the ways in which we heal trauma, in which we just thrive better. If it’s making you feel sad, thinking that you don’t have that in your life, notice that and think of ways in which you can create more of it in 2026 as we move into this year more.

I know I had some journal prompts last week with the Roxy episode around that (link in show notes). So you may want to refer back to your answers there or start again. I hope that you will give yourself more grace.

Give yourself permission to be your beautiful, wonderful, perfect just as you are self. And go to the classes, go to the websites, go to the whatever, access the support that makes you feel good. Know again, we’re wired to thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved.

If you don’t, try something else. It’s 2026. There are all sorts of options out there.

But I don’t want you denying yourself something that could be so beneficial, just because you’ve had maybe a bad experience or seen something on TV or thought there’s no way you could do that.

There are way more trauma informed instructors around and increasingly neuro-affirming as well. But ultimately, it’s about you having that compassion for yourself where you identify what would make your practice easier.

It might be that you’re completely new to yoga, breathwork and meditation. You’re thinking what you want about I have no idea. I don’t know what it involves. How can I possibly know what I need, even just explaining to the instructor that you’re new. Recognising the executive functioning issues, recognising that it can be challenging to follow the instructions, just giving yourself permission.

It might be that you don’t need to say a thing to anyone, but you give yourself permission, play with it, experiment it, but know that you deserve to feel amazing.

And I hope that you let yourself. So having listened to this episode, or having watched this episode, I’d love to know what action you’re going to take and what you’re going to experiment with. So either comment or let me know eve at selfcarecoaching.net

And the Sole to Soul Circle has moved from my Substack to my website, and it’s changed, it’s evolved so I’m encouraging you to sign up for my free newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays, and there’s a link in the show notes.

As well as the weekly polyvagal informed journal prompts, and me sharing some of the things I’m grateful for each week, and some of which may be of interest, either for you to try yourself, resources, or other things that are completely free, and just encouraging you to know what you know already. I’m going to be sharing more of the bonus content around each episode in those newsletters.

The Sole to Soul Circle is becoming a monthly online circle to complement the in-person Westport Lunar Circles. And email eve at selfcarecoaching.net if you have questions because the new pages aren’t yet ready. And hopefully they will be by the time you listen or watch this, but I’m moving into 2026 with more compassion for myself and not putting myself under as much pressure as I used to.

But it just feels like it makes more sense to simplify and the podcast is still available on Substack. But the Sole to Soul Circle has moved back to selfcarecoaching.net. And this episode, like all episodes, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can access lots of free resources and more about the book and all sorts of things at selfcarecoaching.net or thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

And I hope you’ll join me in two weeks where we’re talking about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, also known as RSD. [Next week, I have the delightful Dr Emma Bede as my guest so I switched the weeks around.]

And again, happy, happy new year. Thank you so much for listening. And if you haven’t already but would like to subscribe, that’s wonderful wherever you listen.

And feel free to leave a five star review or comment. And I read all of the comments and emails and I would love to hear what ADHD, autism and AuDHD traits you would most like me to cover in the coming months and year. Because I’m being more flexible than I was last year, but not as flexible as I’ve been in previous years.

But I very much want this to be beneficial for you. And yeah, really looking forward to moving through 2026 with you. Thanks again.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links and more information in the show notes.

And also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. And if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings. If this episode was helpful, please leave a five star review.

In a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe. I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world

Moving into 2026 with Roxy Romaniuk

Tue, 06 Jan 2026 07:00:00 +0100

Happy New Year! And welcome to Season 3 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast!

As we move into 2026, am delighted to share my (Eve Menezes Cunningham, author, podcast host, columnist, trauma-informed and neuro-affirming therapist, Self care coach and senior accredited supervisor – https://selfcarecoaching.net has more information) interview with yoga teacher, Roxy Romaniuk.

I adore her yoga classes and really loved our conversation and her honesty about moving through difficult feelings, emotions and situations by paying attention and moving them through her body with movement and journalling.

I know yoga students and groups have often called me serene (and that I so often feel anything but!) AND while I don’t know how Roxy feels on the inside while she’s teaching, I do know that she wouldn’t embody such serenity as a yoga teacher if she wasn’t doing all this inner work.

Nothing’s good or bad. Everything is simply information. But we all need support (compassion for ourselves as we face challenges, the courage to ask for help and support and community around us to offer it when we can’t ask).

JOURNAL PROMPTS

As you watch or listen to our interview, ask yourself: How might you make more space to process, reflect and work with ALL the feelings in 2026? How and where might you access support and that essential feeling of being held we all need in order to co-regulate and thrive? Maybe there’s a yoga class local to you where you feel able to exhale deeply and let go? Maybe a great friend or loved one you don’t have to mask around? A therapist or coach? Some other kind of relationship?

Let me know in the comments or by email – eve@selfcarecoaching.net

And if you’re feeling sad reading this because you can’t think of anything that supportive, let it be a cue to encourage you to be open to more of it in 2026 and beyond.

THE SOLE TO SOUL CIRCLE IS EVOLVING

Whereas before, the deeper dive exclusive content would go out on Wednesdays, this will now be an additional bonus for my Míle Buíochas Mondays newsletter subscribers (as well as the regular polyvagal-informed journal prompts and some of the things I’m most grateful for and delighted to share with you). If you’re not already a subscriber, you can sign up for free at https://feelbettereveryday.kit.com/f7f730d651

And I’ll share more about the evolving Sole to Soul Circle soon.

Happy New Year!

Le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

@yogawithroxy

theyogaroot.org – check out their upcoming open weekend with free classes

CHAPTERS

(0:03) Difficulty expressing “negative” emotions

(2:07) Introducing guest Roxolana Romaniuk

(3:47) Ideal vs actual self-care through my Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(6:00) Small daily rituals and intuitive movement

(8:13) Expressing anger and difficult emotions safely

(12:21) Community, belonging, and collective care

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you struggle to express yourself when you’re feeling really sad or angry or hurt or any of the so-called negative emotions?

Today’s guest is an absolute delight and while she’s one of my favourite yoga teachers, I especially love what she shares about her own self-care in terms of giving space, making space for messy movement and expression.

I hope you love listening to her as much as I enjoyed talking to her and I’d also love to hear from you in terms of maybe the emotion you struggle most to process and what you’re going to do differently, what you’re going to try as a result of today’s episode.

Welcome to episode 92 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I look forward to hearing from you.

I’m your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach and senior accredited supervisor specialising in ADHD and AuDHD friendly trauma-informed neuro-affirming and transpersonal and somatic approaches. I help people heal through self-care practices that honour your body and your brain and your nervous system as well as yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

With new episodes every Tuesday you can either subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes but you might also enjoy some of the older episodes and access deeper dives with the Sole to Soul Circle, access free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

Welcome Roxolana Romaniuk. Thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you. I’m so happy to be here. Thank you, Eve.

Roxy is one of my favourite yoga teachers at The Yoga Root and when I joined, I think it was in August, September, I changed my schedule to enable me to attend her Monday morning classes and it’s just such a gorgeous start to the week.

It was like a gift to myself to really and just like I really appreciate that every week. So where can people find you? What are you working on at the moment?

Sorry, I was so happy to hear all of this and I think my face is red now. Yeah, so I’m working in Yoga Root now and that’s where people can find me. Yeah, I’m planning to do my YouTube channel with short practice to make it accessible for everyone but at the moment I don’t have any progress on it so maybe in future this channel will be named Yoga with Roxy but at the moment. OK, and what about on Insta or anywhere else you want? Oh yeah, my Insta is @yogawithroxy but I anyway not posted that much so the place where you really can find me it’s theyogaroot.org. So that’s theyogaroot.org

I talk to everyone about ideal and actual self-care because we all struggle with it. We all know what we wish we could do every day and then the reality hits and something has to give. So I go through my Feel. Love. Heal framework.

The Feel bit is like the regulatory self-care: It might be breath practices, it could be going for a swim, it’s something you need a bit of, you have to do something, you’re changing the way you’re, you might be working with the way you’re sending those signals of safety or confidence or whatever come but it’s something you’re doing to help regulate, help yourself feel better.

Then the Love bit is the more kind of accepting, recognising you don’t have to do a thing, you’re perfect just the way you are, you’re part of nature, part of the divine but also that can be more challenging. I know that’s the part I find most challenging, I’d always rather be doing rather than accepting myself how I am.

And then the Heal bit is the collective care where it might be about community and it’s where you, as well as you’re holding space for others obviously with your work, but where you receive that for yourself.

And it might be that you’re not at the moment but in each category I kind of ask about your ideal and the reality. So if you’re happy to say, what would be your ideal in terms of that kind of lowercase self-care, the regulatory, the Feel better?

Yeah. So my ideal, which has never happened, but it’s I’m waking up at 6am and I’m just seeing how the sun is rising, doing my yoga outside, doing some journalling and planning my day and decide how would I like to live that day.

But my actual routine is I find that it’s important to have at least one small thing which you will repeat every day like day by day. So my small things which I do every day if I’m sick or like I can do this every day actually it’s just a glass of hot water. Yeah I’ve got a mug of hot water here now.

Yeah same. So that’s how my body understands I’m waking up and it helps my body waking up, my mind and also I’m doing like some it might be not something that some movements that I repeat but what I do. Just moving somehow. Like sometimes I’m playing the music and just allow myself to move however I feel to move right now. Like yeah.

That’s fantastic and what about the I always start by introducing it is when you don’t have the bandwidth to do something that kind of that accepting yourself where you are that kind of recognition that you don’t have to do a thing you’re part of the divine you’re part of nature and I also realise that can be so much harder especially for people with AuDHD.

What helps you or what would be your ideal in terms of connecting with that highest wisest truest part of yourself? Yeah so in this part I think meditation is helping me a lot to feel that I’m enough that everything is all right. Yeah, I can’t control everything what happens around me in the world but in meditation I can feel like the connection with something bigger and the feelings that I am enough and I also find that it’s important to see where you are to understand what you feel right now and try to express it somehow and I just creating some space in my house and just playing music and allow myself moving like horrible like strange like I don’t know no one can see me and I can be like how I feel now and at least have one place in the world when I can be anger when I can be like anyone.

Have you come across five rhythms?

I’m not sure.

So Gabrielle Roth she died but for decades she basically it would be a playlist and I did some when I was doing my psychosynthesis training and I was so disembodied back then and I was like I can’t dance sober everyone else was sober as well but I was like oh yeah but it would be like songs music that would deliberately provoke the kind of anger or sadness or grief or joy or I can’t remember the five specific rhythms but I remember anger was one of them and I think what you’re describing is absolutely gorgeous because you’re accepting how you’re feeling and you’re allowing it to move through you rather than suppressing it or telling yourself I should be feeling.

Yeah yeah yeah yeah that’s great I might read something about it yeah so I will ask you the author again after podcasts but I think it’s really interesting.

It’s wonderful I think what you’re doing like doing it naturally you’re not needing someone else’s playlist yeah like it’s a bit like the yoga poses it’s great to have that or it’s great to move how inherently want to but I think sometimes it’s hard to I found it through my psychotherapy like I have my therapist who I visited every week and I found that sometimes you can’t recognise some emotion so because it’s covered some other emotion and it’s like hard to realise that I’m not sad now I’m angry so yeah I think it’s important maybe at the start of this way like use some playlist to help you going through this to understand how I can express myself when I anger how I can express myself when I happy and yeah yeah yeah that’s really great.

Do you choose music or do you just let yourself move to the feeling or both.

Yeah, so I just I try to choose some music like I play in one feel like no that’s not what I need now change it and then find like something that I need at this moment. Yeah yeah and what do you notice afterwards like sorry what like how do you feel afterwards like oh I feel like really our all tension is released and I feel like I am free and I can be just who I am.

Yeah so I love it so you’re basically giving people something they can do although it’s technically regulatory it’s something you can do where you want to feel you want to upset but there’s too much. I love it thank you.

So in terms of the Heal, the collective care the co-regulation, I mean you teach gorgeous classes you hold that beautiful space and what is your ideal in terms of both holding and receiving from a community from individuals? What helps you ideally and what do you like what is your actual…?

Yeah essential yeah I think maybe ideal is I don’t know it’s hard question for me so I find that’s really important to be in some community where you can feel yourself be accepted and where you can be who you are. When I teach in some places when I will talk about yoga and what I do some people cannot understand me because. And that’s all right because we are all different that’s great but where I’m teaching in Yoga Root I feel like I’m in right place.

I feel that what I do can be important here and it’s important for me as well like because at the end of class especially in Savasana, I feel that I’m happiest person in the world. I feel just relaxed. Released and full of joy.

I don’t know yeah because yeah so yeah and I think that’s really important to find a place where you will feel acceptance where you will feel like that you know need to acting you know need to do something like extra you can just be and it will be enough yeah so this space can be like everywhere but yeah it’s hard to find the space.

And I’m aware we’re both immigrants I moved after I’m Indian Irish born in London but I moved after the Brexit vote and broke my heart because I realised that lots of people had thought that the British Empire was a good thing I’d kind of grown up assuming that everyone felt horror and shame but no and it was just even though I look white and I sound English I felt unsafe. And it was a really weird thing for me I’m 50 now but I’ve never been happier choosing like I thought I’ve always had an Irish passport so I didn’t know my dad’s from Limerick but I knew I wanted the sea I knew I wanted mountains a journalist friend said “Westport meets all your criteria” and the more I found out about it, it was like oh my god this place sounds incredible.

And I’m still pinching myself that I get to live here but it it’s also a really unusual way of having moved somewhere different to kind of create that community and that feeling rooted and safe that I never had in I mean I never fully have it because I’m not I am a blow-in I am an immigrant but I’m technically a Londoner but I’m not. Like I’m all these different things yeah but the deliberate choice and the thinking what is important to me like the sea the mountains yeah people but thinking like if you were to think in I’m not like for me Westport does meet all my criteria but if you were to think of how people might find their place in the world like yeah what advice might you have.

I think maybe just try different things like try to do some I don’t know actually maybe some sorry I just forgot how to say like the whether people meeting and they have a same interest about something like how to say it so this group like of differencing oh maybe like group of drawing or group of reading or something yeah so maybe just visiting two different groups and one day I think you can find a place where you will feel like that’s the right place I feel good after and it is that feeling good at the time and after isn’t it and I guess we upset ourselves the more upset ourselves the more you are likely to try drawing or try something that interests you rather than I should like whatever yeah I force myself to yeah yeah yeah it’s really important to listen how you react to this.

Like to listen like uh do you like it or no and if it’s no like not to try like oh no maybe I need to try again maybe I need to be like different.

Yeah it’s important to listen to yourself as well like your reaction for everything yeah yeah so in the Sole to Soul Circle bonus deeper dive content if you’re happy I’m going to ask you how you do that like what something like maybe if you’re happy to share a practice is that okay like it doesn’t have to be something else but thank you so much for joining me absolutely delightful and I’m looking forward to your class in the morning thank you so much I’m so happy to be here thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast this episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.

You can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings if this episode was helpful please leave a five-star review in a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma helping create a world in which everyone is safe welcome and loved physiologically emotionally spiritually and mentally able to thrive so you’re subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD and you’re learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too so keep looking after yourself do what feels good let yourself honour your nervous system let yourself honour your charge your life force and míle buíochas a thousand thank yous.

Trauma-informed and Neuro-affirming Self Care Rituals for NYE and NYD

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Happy New Year!

Do you love New Year’s Eve? Do you hate New Year’s Eve? Do you feel indifferent to New Year’s Eve?

However you feel, I hope you have a wonderful New Year! Watch or listen to episode 91 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts for some of the self-care rituals and practices that I do every year or most years.

I hope they’ll help you work with your own ADHD brain, AuDHD brain, and also to continue to heal from any trauma. Use this time of year, where there is so much external pressure in terms of how you might be thinking you should be celebrating or what you should be doing to go for it with all that appeals and ignore all the rest!

[Link to selfcarecoaching.net/blog for show notes, full transcript and more]

le grá (with love),

Eve

LINKS

Sign up for Míle Buíochas Mondays (Polyvagal-informed and more every Monday) here

Westport Lunar Circles

Your vibe for 2025: Episode 38 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Choose your transpersonal quality for the year ahead

Happy New Year and bring what was good about the break into your year ahead

Make the most of the seasonal energies

CHAPTERS

0:00 – Mixed feelings about New Year’s Eve?

2:28 – Checking in with what actually appeals

4:53 – New Year intentions and PDA-friendly resolutions

6:01 – Lessons, blessings and reflecting on the year

8:18 – Choosing a guiding word or theme for the year ahead

10:26 – Clearing space and symbolic release rituals

12:02 – Self-acceptance instead of self-improvement

13:39 – Community, connection and designing New Year’s Day

16:12 – Creative visioning and sensory mood-setting

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you love New Year’s Eve? Do you hate New Year’s Eve? Do you feel indifferent to New Year’s Eve?

However you feel, I hope you have a wonderful New Year and in this episode, episode 91 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, I’m going to be sharing some of the self-care rituals and practices that I do every year or most years in order to help you work with your own ADHD brain, AuDHD brain, and also to continue to heal from any trauma and just to really use this time of year where there is so much external pressure in terms of how you might be thinking you should be celebrating or what you should be doing and they’re very tentative invitations in terms of if anything appeals, go for it and ignore all the rest.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach and senior accredited supervisor specialising in ADHD and ADHD friendly trauma-informed, neuro-affirming, transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people heal through self-care practices that honour your body and your brain and your nervous system as well as your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

With new episodes every Tuesday, you can either subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes and if you’re new here, even if it’s nowhere near New Year’s, when you’re listening to this, you might still enjoy this episode. It can be great for a fresh start at any time of the year.

The PDA, “Don’t tell me when to celebrate New Year! I can redesign my life anytime I choose!” but you might also enjoy some of the older episodes and access deeper dives with the Sole to Soul Circle, access free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

As you listen to today’s episode or watch today’s episode, ask yourself what appeals. Just check in with yourself.

Notice how you feel. Do any of the ideas make your heart sing? Do any of them feel really heavy, too much pressure? You don’t have to do anything. You can completely ignore the New Year!

It is just another day and it can be a wonderful time to reset, to remind ourselves of all the choices we have in terms of doing things differently. As always, it’s aimed especially for trauma survivors and people with ADHD or AuDHD brains and I’ll be going through the Feel. Love. Heal. framework that I developed in order to share these ideas.

We have different levels of bandwidth at different times and (have I forgotten to record? Nope, I haven’t forgotten to record, I had forgotten that it’s not a touchscreen screen) with different levels of bandwidth, sometimes we might be very able to do the things that we know are going to help us feel better, the Feel part.

It might be reaching out to someone. It might be some form of movement. It might be anything at all that helps you regulate, that kind of lowercase self-care.

Other times you just have to accept where you are because bandwidth is too low. Other times that Love part, the acceptance, the support, the self-love, it can feel more challenging than the Feel part.

It can be harder to accept ourselves exactly as we are, to love ourselves exactly as we are. In those cases, the more regulatory things can be easier.

And the Heal part, the more collective self-care, the co-regulation. Whether that’s you offering space, holding space for others and, just as important is you accepting the space that others hold for you, finding spaces where others can hold you because you deserve holding and that might be something that you want to build more into your life.

Perhaps you’re very much about giving and you find it harder to receive? As we move into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, we’re looking initially around any PDA you may feel around New Year’s resolutions.

That Pathological Demand Avoidance (or Persistent Drive for Autonomy! Because let’s face it, if you are neurodivergent and if you were conditioned out of knowing what you knew was right for you from even potentially pre-verbal, it would have manifested as Pathological Demand Avoidance and doing the opposite of what people wanted you to do but it’s that part of you that can’t be tamed. And honouring that, recognising you can do Resolutions your way.) You don’t have to do them at all but you might want to think about something that is going to help you live a life that is more fulfilling, more meaningful, more joyful and that enables you to thrive.

Be curious around that. You might want to do something I do each year again in terms of making a note of the Lessons and Blessings from 2025.

Lessons might have been really painful things that occurred, things that you survived, things that you might still be dealing with, challenges that you’re still facing. Being open to what might be trying to emerge at a soul level with even the most challenging of situations, whether that’s around setting boundaries or asking for help or whatever it might be, if you’re able to think in those terms, it’s not going to make the challenges go away but it can make it a bit easier to bear. Just asking how you can learn from each problem, how it might be trying to help you. And I realise that it’s one of those really frustrating things to hear and it can be very helpful to reframe things that we struggle with in this way.

With Blessings, again, it might be that with hindsight you see some of the challenges turned into Blessings or it might be things that were utterly joyful and you can immediately, but it can just be a lovely way to connect.

I have the Míle Buíochas Mondays newsletter which helps you create and sustain a gratitude practice that hopefully honours your whole Self, your whole nervous system. It’s not all about love and light. It’s also acknowledging the times not only when you’re in ventral vagal, when you’re in Purr!, when life is good, when you feel connected, when you feel safe, when you feel happy. But it’s also about the things that move you out of that into sympathetic survival, into that Hiss! or even dorsal vagal, that Freeze!

You might want to sign up for that if you haven’t already and you can just ask yourself now, how does it feel to think back over the year? It might be that you take one month at a time, a Lesson and a Blessing for each month.

Or just write or – for some embodied journalling – record yourself talking or as a video or even just talking at your reflection. Just ask yourself what have you learned, what have been the themes? Ask your Self.

And there’ll be a link in the show notes to your transpersonal quality for the year in previous years or as you think about the year ahead. It may have already occurred to you and I often begin thinking about this before my birthday in November. Next year (and I’m recording this in 2025) Freedom has stood out for me.

In previous years, it’s been like for 2025 it was Harvest, for 2024 it was Pleasure, for 2023 it was Ease. I’ve had Joy, I’ve had Love, I’ve had all sorts of different words. I’ve been using this, Assagioli who created psychosynthesis, he used to have what he called “evocative words” dotted around on index cards in his home.

I loved when I visited his house which had been turned into a museum, and seeing his handwriting and (in Italian) Patience and Serenity because everything I’d read about him I assumed that those qualities came naturally to him and they very much did not.

He had to focus on what he wanted to bring more of into his life and he did that by writing it down and looking at it on a regular basis. We now have so many tools, we can create vision boards, we can create mood boxes, we can create a beautiful wallpaper for our phone and have it kind of in your face on a regular basis. I think Steve Harvey, the American actor, he used to have his evocative words, he wouldn’t have called it that, but sewn into the hem on his suit so he’d see it like when he was getting dressed.

It’s really about anchoring what you want to bring into your life as much as you can so if it’s peace you might be choosing images that represent Peace to you or Freedom for myself for example. Have fun with it, be creative with it, share it, I’d love to hear whether you want to comment or whether you want to email eve at selfcarecoaching.net and again show notes will have links to previous suggestions.

Something I love to do each year before New Year’s and also before my birthday but I noticed more resistance this year because I was away in Malta for my birthday so I didn’t do my pre-birthday deep clean so it feels more overwhelming for New Year but I do love a deep clean of my home.

It just feels lovely to be letting go, to be releasing and to be welcoming and I think it’s in Japan where they talk about having like bookshelves not being completely full or drawers not being completely full, always having room for new goodness to enter and just notice how it feels.

You might think, “Cleaning? No way!” or it might be, “Actually, that feels better than a party to me” or whatever it is and it might be a symbolic clean, you might do one drawer or you might like just do kitchen counters or you might want to do all the things. But do it in a way where you’re intentionally releasing what no longer serves you.

I love taking the bins out before New Year’s and there’s a lovely way to open the back door before midnight and release all you’re ready to release from the year that’s gone and then at midnight, just after, open the front door and consciously welcome all the good you’re open to receiving.

There are some ideas that you might want to implement and as we move into the Love part, that uppercase Self care, that acceptance, that loving yourself exactly as you are, you don’t need to take on anything new, you don’t have to improve yourself or do a thing. You are already part of nature, you are already part of the Divine.

You might want to take a moment or longer to connect with yourself as you imagine the year you’re moving into while remembering that you’re already whole, complete and you get to heal more deeply and to enjoy more.

But there can be something, it’s like with EFT, we start with the setup statement and we’re saying even though whatever the issue is, I choose to soothe and support myself or I’m OK or traditionally I deeply and completely love and accept myself, the more we can love and accept ourselves as we are, in EFT they call it the psychological reversal, we lose that resistance to change, so by accepting whatever you don’t like about yourself as much as you can, ironically you allow that to dissolve the resistance, what we resist persists, it becomes easier to make potentially healthier choices in that area of your life and choices that support what you want but from that loving accepting rather than punitive shaming which of course is going to trigger a stress response.

Notice what comes up for you there as you consider that and as we move into the Heal part, the collective care, think about your ideal community and ideal company. If you are a party person, who are you looking forward to seeing tomorrow night?

Who are you looking forward to spending time with on New Year’s Day?

Are you hosting?

Are you going out?

Are you staying home?

Learning to drive has revolutionised my life in terms of being able to have more choice about what I do and doing all the things I love on New Year’s Day to have a taste of all the things I want to bring into my New Year, so like there’ll always be yoga, there’ll always be ideally a sea swim unless it’s too stormy, time with loved ones, time writing and reflecting and intentionally creating that kind of vision that what I want to consciously release and invite. I like to eat something delicious and nourishing, movement is very important, getting out in nature.

Just thinking of ways in which you can bring a taste of all the things you want 2026 and beyond to offer you into your New Year’s Day. Not in a way that overwhelms you but if you’re thinking about your ideal community and company, if that isn’t already the case for you, let yourself know that you deserve it, let yourself want it, let yourself be open to creating it in 2026 and beyond.

I’m going to be offering new live in-person monthly lunar circles, it will be my first time offering in-person for a good few years and you can email eve at selfcarecoaching.net if you’re near enough Westport, County Mayo Ireland to potentially join us but the theme for this year it will be around the Waning Half Moon where it’s going to be releasing the things that get in the way of balance and harmony so each month will have a different theme but that will be a consistent theme throughout the year, releasing blocks to balance and harmony, releasing blocks to freedom, releasing blocks to whatever it is you’re wanting to bring more of into your life.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle I am going to be encouraging participants to create a mood box or bag or whatever works for them, it could be a vision board but I find the mood board it works also with the, it works with additional senses not just what we can see, you can have music, you can have taste, you can have smell and you can have tangible like fabrics or other things you can feel as well as connecting with the strongest feelings of whatever it is you want to create for yourself.

You can join the Sole to Soul Circle for free or as a paid member and as a member each Wednesday you’ll receive a deeper dive into each episode. Free subscribers get journal prompts and paid members from just eight euros a month get an exclusive video or audio recording and you might also like to sign up for my free weekly newsletter which I mentioned earlier, Míle Buíochas Mondays, where each week I share some of the things I’m grateful for as I support you in building your own gratitude practice that honours your nervous system by welcoming all the feelings and all the states of your nervous system.

Whether you want to heal your trauma or befriend your ADHD or AuDHD brain you can find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and explore self-care coaching and other ways in which we might work together as well as accessing lots of free resources through selfcarecoaching.net

Thank you so much for listening or watching if you haven’t already subscribed or reviewed that would be delightful and the more five-star reviews the more shares the more engagement I get the more likely it is that people who are trying to heal their trauma and befriend their ADHD or AuDHD brains will be able to access this content which I hope will be helpful.

I love hearing from you and next week we’re going to be looking at moving into the new year with neuro-affirming trauma sensitive yoga and meditation [this’ll actually be in another episode!]. I hope that you have a beautiful start to the year as you release all that you’re ready to let go of.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast this episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham you can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five star review. In a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma helping create a world in which everyone is safe welcome and loved. Physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally able to thrive. Your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD and your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you it creates a ripple effect helping others feel too so keep looking after yourself do what feels good let yourself honour your nervous system let yourself honour your charge your life force and míle buíochas. A thousand thank yous.

Practice Resting in the Rest of 2025

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 07:00:00 +0100

With ADHD, with AuDHD, with trauma, our nervous systems can really struggle with rest. It can feel unsafe to rest.

Why do I share how hard I find rest this while extoling the virtues of rest? Because it’s STILL an advanced practice for me. The whole point of this podcast is to show the gap, sometimes gulf, between what we – as self-care and Self care professionals – want to be doing and are actually doing. Especially with trauma histories and the hypervigilance that comes with having needed to survive. And AuDHD and ADHD where endless cycles of burnout eventually teach us how to honour our sensitive nervous systems.

It doesn’t have to take you the decades it’s taken me!

Everyone (and I’ve interviewed neuroscientists, other therapists, somatic therapists, energy workers and coaches, nutritional therapists, choreographers, artists and more) knows what would help us. We just need to give ourselves permission to make the necessary changes. For me, that’s constantly taking more and more off my plate and becoming more strategic (and actually getting MORE done while feeling better about it all!) by paying closer attention to my own nervous system and energies.

I hope that you’ll gift yourself some extra breathing space over the holidays. Begin to ponder ways in which you can build in sustainable changes for a more restful, easier, more peaceful and joyful 2026.

I’ve shared loads of resources to support you (and myself!) over the decades and you can access some here (including some research on rest) as well as listening to Tracy Otsuka (am imagining that the 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health are better at prioritising rest. I know my mental health has improved along with my capacity for more rest), Caroline Shole Arewu and others share some of their tools to support prioritising rest.

Enjoy the episode and let me know what you’re going to do to rest more today, this week, this month and in the New Year!

le grá (with love),

Eve

CHAPTERS

0:00 – Why rest feels so difficult

2:55 – AuDHD, ADHD, trauma and nervous system safety

4:02 – Different ways of resting

5:27 – Productivity, pressure and burnout

8:25 – Rest, holidays and emotional release

11:37 – When rest feels unsafe to the nervous system

13:59 – Learning to love a sensitive nervous system

16:24 – Collective care, boundaries and co-regulation

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you struggle to take time to rest, to give yourself a break, to take things off your plate? It can be especially challenging with trauma histories, with AuDHD (autism and ADHD) with ADHD.

It’s especially important to pay attention to your nervous system and make sure that you are getting enough rest, because we’re mammals, just like my little role model here, Meadbh.

Cats don’t feel guilty about all the snoozes, all the rest, it enables them to play harder, to climb, to do other things, but we humans, we are in a world which doesn’t encourage rest. It encourages us to think we need all sorts of things we don’t necessarily need.

Welcome to Episode 90 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I’ve talked and written about rest a lot and there’ll be links in the show notes to some of those blogs and episodes, but I’m hoping you’re going to leave this episode with a renewed commitment to your own renewal and yet rest over this festive period, as well as some neuro-affirming and trauma-informed ideas to help you rest your way, to help you let yourself rest your way.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, and senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD and ADHD-friendly, trauma-informed, neuro-affirming, and transpersonal and somatic approaches.

I help people heal through self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, and miraculous part of yourself.

There are new episodes every Tuesday and you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss any new episodes.

If you’re new here, you might want to check out older episodes, access deeper dives and free resources and more information at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

As you listen to today’s episode, ask yourself how might you build more rest into your day-to-day, into this week, into if you’re listening to it as it’s coming out this holiday season, or whenever it is that you’re listening to it in the future potentially.

Ask yourself what gets in the way of you giving yourself the rest you know you deserve at some level and you know you need. If you need it, it just shows how strong the conditioning is that we deny it to ourselves.

With ADHD, with AuDHD, with trauma, our nervous systems can really struggle with rest. It can feel unsafe to rest. This is partly of why I use the cats to demonstrate.

So little Meadbh has her claws into me, but cats don’t feel guilty about allowing themselves rest and allowing themselves to find the sun puddle, allowing themselves to find what’s going to feel more comfortable, most comfortable for them in any given moment.

And the more we acknowledge and befriend our nervous systems, work with the vagus, recognise what’s going to, like what is the kind of rest that appeals to you. If it feels like going from 100 miles an hour to nought is scary because of course it would be, your nervous system has been so lifted and then all of a sudden you’re expecting yourself to calm right down.

For some people it can be researching a new topic or painting or writing or rest comes in lots of different ways. I’ll link to the blog I did about Claudia Hammond’s research and the biggest rest survey that had been done at the time. There are many, many different ways to rest.

Ask yourself, How you can give yourself permission to rest YOUR way?

As we work with the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, the Feel element is that lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory practices, the things we actually do to help ourselves feel better. The Love element is working with the love archetype, that acceptance, that support, that reminder that you don’t need to do a thing to improve yourself. You are part of the divine, you are part of nature, you are already whole, it’s about acceptance. And then we have the Heal element which is around collective self-care and co-regulation. Not just helping your community, your family, the world at large, but accepting help and support from other people. We’re all connected.

As we are in the Feel part for this week in terms of rest, it sounds simple but you’re likely to have a lot of resistance towards it because we live in a world where we’re so conditioned to be productive and doing and not being.

But I really encourage you, especially at this time of year working with the seasonal energies, look at your diary, look at your calendar, look at whatever planners you use, look at your to-do list, look at the people asking you to do things, demanding things from you and be honest with yourself about what is getting in between you and feeling more rested.

Why are you choosing to say yes to things that mean that you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re not getting enough downtime, you’re not getting enough rest?

You may want to be yelling at me in frustration: “But I have all these demands, I have all these people who depend on me, I have all these projects, whatever it might be.”

You might think it’s completely impossible. And I remember, I think it was two Christmases ago where I was very burnt out and I was sobbing walking down the lane and a neighbour friend basically shook me and said, you need to take some time off over Christmas. And I was like, I can’t, I have to do, do, do, do, do, do.

Because at that time I had not realised that I had replaced alcohol with work back in 2001 when I got sober, because it was so uncomfortable for me to be present in my body, in my feelings, even though this is the work I do and I’m much, much better than I used to be.

I was still overworking and I hadn’t really acknowledged it until that bout of burnout two years ago. And since then, I recognise the benefits much more so and I actively scheduled time off last Christmas and have done the same, taking more time off this Christmas.

That’s after 21 plus years of being my own boss. I am my own boss. I could have done that 21 years ago.

I took my first holiday in over nine years. I’m back just over a week at time of recording. And basically, I denied myself a week away, partly because of cat care, but also partly because I felt like I had to be ON. I might forget with my AuDHD brain, which I didn’t know about until a few years ago, I might forget how to do my work. I might forget how to do all the things. If I got out of that routine, I didn’t realise how much of a fear response that was.

And it was absolutely gorgeous to take that time. Look at your schedule, think about ways in which you can incorporate more rest in a way that doesn’t make your nervous system freak out, that doesn’t feel unsafe, that doesn’t feel overwhelming. I’m also aware with the holiday I took the other week, it was a gorgeous week for my 50th in Malta, and we did a lot of time, we had a lot of time in the water, which is heaven for me.

A lot of snorkelling, I did a lot of swimming, I was ill as well, my partner was ill, but we had a great time. I did a try-dive, a discovery dive, because I’m a snorkeller rather than a diver. I only got as deep as I think two and a half metres before I couldn’t equalise, and I kind of very much wanted to go up to the surface.

In my imagination, the free diving was going to be where I really kind of found my inner Ocean Ramsey, and I didn’t get below five metres because, again, I wasn’t equalising well enough, and I had an amazing time, but I found myself, when we were having a nap one day, on the edge of the bed, sobbing my little heart out.

I didn’t want to disturb him, I was just basically sobbing my little heart out, thinking, what is wrong? I feel good, I thought I felt good, I’m on holiday, I’m having a lovely time, I’m with the person I love, we’ve not had an argument or anything like that, all is good, and I could not stop sobbing. And because I do this work, and because I recognised that, for whatever reason, I needed to sob, I let it all out.

I thought about doing some tapping on myself, and I thought, I don’t need to write at that point, I did a bit later. Even though this is so much of the work I do, I was kind of telling myself, I shouldn’t feel like that, I was having a restful time, and then I realised later, of course, that felt so alien in my life, in my schedule. I had been so overwhelmed, overstimulated with the free dive earlier that day, something I thought I would be a natural at, and very much was not.

I loved it, and I loved so much of it, and it brought up a lot for healing around the instructor (I’m going to have her on the podcast at some point, she was amazing, and she has ADHD, and she was very neuroaffirming, she was very patient with me, and I really struggled).

Basically, every time she did anything, any attention, I interpreted as I was doing whatever wrong, so it brought up a lot of school stuff, a lot of all adults in my life stuff when I was growing up, and I clearly needed to just weep that afternoon on the edge of the bed. Because I let it all out, I then slept amazingly, and I just felt better than I had in such a long time.

It can feel really scary when we think, when your nervous system has been in sympathetic activation lifted for so long, and we live in a world where it’s 24-7 excitement and stress, where in sympathetic activation, when we go into that parasympathetic, it’s that rest digest, and when it feels unfamiliar, it can feel very scary.

Even I’m telling you this story, like there’s a part of me thinking, am I oversharing?

I well might be, but I also think I am a human, and I have a nervous system like every other human, like every other cat, every other mammal, and the more we stop arguing with reality and honour what is, the better we can support ourselves and those in our lives.

When you look through your schedule, when you think about the demands that others are placing on you, or that you’re perceiving from them, because often we internalise demands, people don’t even have to ask us, and we think we should be doing X, Y and Z, just ask yourself, what can you take off your plate that’s not going to create a meltdown, or if it might, how can you build in a bit of space around that as a buffer for yourself?

How can you let yourself know it’s safe to ease into more rest, especially at this very busy time of year, we’ve got all the festivities, it might be that you’re out a lot, it might be that you’re grieving an enormous amount of what you used to celebrate and what’s no longer available to you, or it might be that you’re comparing your holiday season to films and adverts that have never been any people’s actual reality, but use your nervous system to support you in reducing the overwhelm on your schedule, and as you plan for the year ahead, as you plan for the week ahead, as you plan for anything moving forward/

Get used to checking in with yourself and asking how does that feel, like whatever it is you’re thinking of doing that’s taking you away from potential rest, and it’s a simple thing and it might be helpful, feel free to email me if you have any questions around that.

As we move into the Love, that uppercase S Self care part, it’s about accepting and even loving your sensitive nervous system. I’ve spoken about that a little bit already about how even though I didn’t love that I was on the edge of my bed sobbing while my partner was snoring on the other side of the bed, there were very big beds in the hotel, I knew enough to know that it would pass and to have that compassion that it’s taken me decades, it’s taken me a lifetime to develop for myself, so a part of me felt ridiculous, a part of me felt stupid, a part of me felt spoilt, a part of me just felt like I didn’t know why I was feeling like that, but I had that compassion for myself, I was able to move into that ventral vagal (Purr!), that curiosity, that compassion.

Why am I feeling like this matters less than I am feeling like this, and I’m just going to let it out, I’m going to let the whole everything out, and it then felt amazing, so you have a sensitive nervous system and you can learn to love it, you can learn to recognise that yes, other people might get away with more in terms of going with society’s flow, but you can use it to design a life that really nourishes and supports you, that you are excited about rather than stressed and overwhelmed about.

And a big part of that is giving yourself rest, thinking again of the roots in winter going deep into the earth and it looks like nothing’s growing above the surface and yet so much is happening below, accept that you can’t see all the growth that you’re doing, all the healing, all the rewiring of your nervous system, the retraining of your brain, I meant it the other way around, retraining your nervous system, rewiring with practice your brain, but you giving yourself time to nap, you giving yourself permission to say no to things, you giving yourself permission to recognise that you know what you need and just because you were conditioned away from doing what you needed doesn’t mean that you have to continue to deny it, honour, love, accept and support that sensitive nervous system of yours.

And then as we move to the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed, it’s around collective care, it’s around thinking who are you most looking forward to seeing to, who are you most looking forward to seeing even.

The postie just drove up the driveway and my attention got taken for a moment, got my words in a muddle, I could edit this out but I won’t.

Who feels restful when you think about the people in your life? Who do you get to be held by energetically, emotionally, maybe physically with an enormous hug if you like, enormous hugs? Who are you there for, who are you restful for? Know that (if that is a motivating factor for you, often people talk about self-care like put your own life mask, oxygen mask on first and then you can help others, you deserve your own oxygen mask just because you are worthy and you deserve to live and thrive, but if it helps you, you might think about how) you’ll be better able to be there for others in your life when you’re rested, when your bandwidth is higher because you’ve given yourself the time and space and care and tenderness.

And you are also modelling for them so you’re going to be helping any children, older adults, people your own age, colleagues, employees, whoever it might be, people in your community, you modelling rest is helping them break the cycle of feeling like we have to be constantly on the go, productive, contributing, that’s not nature, that’s not where we’re all served, we have to take as we have to receive as well as give, so just notice when you think about the people in your life, the people in your communities, who feels restful, who helps you replenish and how can you use the idea of you giving yourself permission to rest in whatever way is best for you, recognising that that’s going to help you help other people co-regulate as well and also there are going to be people that you love who are far from restful and that’s okay, it’s the ventral vagal both and that Purr!

And potentially claws coming out, you get to set boundaries, you get to send enormous love and you get to just be frustrated for short periods of time or just notice how you’re going to do things differently next year or next time, do not try to be saintly, do not try to not have human reactions to people who potentially trigger you.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle there’ll be a yoga nidra for non-sleep deep rest and it’s going to be specifically to help you throughout this holiday season and any time you choose to listen where you just recognise there’s an enormous amount going on and you need deeper rest. So yoga nidra, you’ve probably come across many of mine and others, there are loads on the website and on my YouTube channel and obviously the Sole to Soul Circle as well, you have instant access to the rich archive if you join but it’s a wonderful way, it lowers blood pressure, it helps increase dopamine by up to 70 percent, it helps us harness the power of the unconscious mind through that deep rest and by working with that sankalpa, that positive intentional resolve, we’re more likely to take those steps that we need...

Yule Love These Self Care Rituals

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 07:00:00 +0100

A Polyvagal-informed approach to the seasonal energies for trauma, AuDHD and ADHD

Feeling the weight of the darkest days? In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast,

I’m sharing gentle, nervous system-friendly rituals to help you honour the seasonal energies of Yule (Winter Solstice) while healing your trauma and befriending your AuDHD or ADHD brain.

Discover how to:

✨ Use a Yule log tradition for releasing and renewal

✨ Navigate seasonal overwhelm with polyvagal-informed practices

✨ Honour both the darkness and the returning light

✨ Set intentions that actually feel good for your nervous system

✨ Create community connection on your own terms

Whether you’re struggling with the season or finding joy in it, this episode welcomes all your feelings and offers practical ways to thrive through winter’s longest night.

🔗 Free resources and show notes

📖 Get the book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

💌 Join the Sole to Soul Circle for deeper dives, exclusive content and instant access to the whole archive

🎙️ New episodes every Tuesday – listen on Spotify, Apple or wherever you get your podcasts

#WinterSolstice #Yule #TraumaHealing #AuDHD #ADHD #PolyvagalTheory #NervousSystemHealing #SelfCare #NeurodivergentSupport

Wishing you the coolest of Yules! 🕯️

LINKS

Listen to Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Watch and read full transcript here

Find out more about how embodied journalling can help you here

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Honouring the darkness and welcoming renewal

(0:57) Trusting your nervous system and honouring your needs

(2:05) Introducing Episode 89

(3:38) Yule log ritual

(5:38) Embodied journalling and self-acceptance

(7:03) Collective care and community intentions

(8:39) Free newsletter and polyvagal-informed gratitude practice

(10:31) Book, coaching and other resources

(11:04) Closing message and thanks

FULL TRANSCRIPT

How do you feel about the dark nights and long [I meant SHORTER 😊] days? You may be loving it, you may be feeling a bit hopeless, and this week we’re looking at ways in which you can celebrate your winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere by honouring the darkness, the cold, potentially the hopelessness, and also remembering the renewal, the hope, the deep roots growing underground even when it feels like there’s nothing happening on the surface.

Trusting your nervous system, giving yourself permission to go to events that feel good for you and avoid potential sensory overload or make up for it by having quiet days after, just really honouring how you feel, whether it’s through trauma, through ADHD, through autism, honouring what you need.

With it being the longest night in terms of darkness in this part of the world, it can feel a bit hopeless. If it feels good for you, I encourage you to connect with that, dipping the toe into that dorsal vagal, that Freeze! Only dipping a toe in.

We’re focusing on Ventral Vagal (Purr!) the feeling good, the renewal, the hope, the letting go of what no longer serves, and setting intentions around what you want to bring into your life.

It can be a wonderful time of year to connect with the worry, the anxiety, the fear, the fear of the darkness, fear of the cold. I’m going to introduce this episode, episode 89 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Thank you for listening.

I’m sharing a couple of my favourite rituals for this time of year in this episode, and I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, columnist, trauma therapist, self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor specialising in AuDHD, ADHD-friendly therapies, trauma-informed, neuro-affirming and transpersonal approaches, and I help people heal through somatic self-care practices that honour how your brain and nervous system work, as well as your Self, that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. With new episodes each Tuesday, you can subscribe or follow to make it less likely that you’ll miss new episodes.

And if you’re new here, you may want to check out other episodes, access deeper dives, free resources and more information at the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. As you listen to today’s episode, ask yourself, how are you feeling about Yule? How are you feeling about Christmas? It can be very dark, very cold, very joyful, very light. Welcome all the feelings, as always and just honour however it is you’re feeling.

For the feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, you may want to take a Yule log for yourself. So this is a log that I’m going to be burning, and the chocolate cake dessert comes from this ancient tradition where people would carve or write things that they were ready to banish into the flame, and also intentions, letting go of, ready to welcome. I encourage you between now and Yule, the 21st of December, to write you might want to carve.

Me, I’m quite impatient. I use normally a permanent marker, sometimes biro. It depends on the log. I don’t have the patience for lots of struggle with it. I want it to be as easy as possible, but it’s really joyful to then burn the log and meditate on what you’re releasing and what you’re welcoming in, that sense of letting go, renewal, thinking about the warmth, the light to come, the joy.

And we have a little visit here from Meadbh. So I’m just going to welcome Meadbh to Episode 89/

And notice how that feels for you. If you don’t have an open fire, if you don’t have a log, you can write on a piece of paper. You can burn it safely with a candle in somewhere safe outside or safe inside. The intention is around really reflecting on renewal, and in order to renew, we release as well.

The more we let go with faith that we are clearing the way for more light, more warmth, more joy, more ease, more healing, more freedom, whatever it is you’re wanting, let yourself ponder, let yourself reflect, let yourself release and welcome.

As we move into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework this week, you might want to grab your journal. You might want to do some embodied journaling and reflect on any pain, any imperfections, any feelings of being at odds with the season.

It may be around social awkwardness, it may be around sensory issues, it may be around family dynamics, friendships, anything like that. Journal in a friendly way for yourself, and it might be something that you choose to burn on the 21st with your log or instead of. Do your best to love your whole self, to welcome all of it and know that part of feeling and accepting the pain is shining a light on it.

The days are going to begin to get longer again. Sunlight is the best disinfectant, giving yourself that gift of letting yourself feel it all so that it can come up for healing. You’re feeling it at some level anyway, you might as well make it conscious and actually heal it!

Obviously if you need more support and find yourself a good therapist, coach and talk to a loved one, if that’s part of the despair, the darkness, the pain of this type of year, time of year.

As we move into the Heal, collective care element of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, think about either celebrating the community you already have around you, celebrating and honouring ancestors that may have passed or contemporaries that may have passed. Give yourself time, maybe light a candle, remember them and just really being gentle with yourself as you recognise those losses and think about the kind of community you’d like to create. It might be part of your intention setting and giving yourself permission, even if it feels impossible based on your current friendships or relationships.

Imagine light, imagine warmth, imagining feeling safe, welcome and loved wherever you go, allowing your nervous system to thrive. Really giving yourself permission to dream big.

This week in the Sole to Soul Circle, I’m inviting members to burn the Yule Log with me again.

We did it, I think it was last year and I will send an invitation by Zoom for that. You can join the Sole to Soul Circle as a free or as a paid member. Each Wednesday if you join, you’ll receive your deeper dive into each podcast episode and free subscribers get journal prompts and paid members, which is from just 8 euros a month, get exclusive video and audio recordings.

You might also like to sign up for my free weekly newsletter, Míle Buíochas Mondays. And each week it’s polyvagal-informed journal prompts really, while I also share some of the things I’m grateful for. I’m supporting you in building a gratitude practice that honours your nervous system by welcoming all the feelings and part of that involves not just the gratitude, but thinking about the things that have had you stressed out potentially in sympathetic survival (what I call Hiss!) We have ventral vagal Purr! when we go with the Polyvagal Purrs approach to Polyvagal Theory, using rescue cats to make it friendlier, helping you understand it better and you can kind of apply it to dogs, whatever you choose, lizards, anything you love.

We tend to be more compassionate with creatures than ourselves.

With the journal prompts each Monday, I’m encouraging you to connect with what’s been stressing you out, what’s had you in sympathetic survival mode, what’s had you in Hiss! as well as the ventral vagal Purrs, the glimmers, the good stuff. And also dipping a toe into the dorsal vagal, the Freeze! The sense of hopelessness and especially at this time of year, there is so much darkness, there is so much pressure, there’s a lot of advertising, which seems to make everyone feel like everyone else on the planet is having amazing times, apart from them, forgetting that these are films, these are advertisements, they’re not real, families are complex, friendship groups are complex, individuals are complex, we know this.

If you want to heal your trauma and befriend your AuADHD or ADHD brain, you can find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and you can also explore Self care coaching and other ways in which we might work together at selfcarecoaching.net. And you can access full show notes, including links and the full transcript at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

Wishing you the coolest of Yules!

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links, and more information in the show notes, and also at selfcarecoaching.net, as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five-star review. In a world in which so much is coming up for healing, and so many people are feeling unsafe, I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world in which everyone is safe, welcome, and loved physiologically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally able to thrive. Your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and AuDHD or ADHD.

And your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you, it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too. Keep looking after yourself, do what feels good, let yourself honour your nervous system, let yourself honour your charge, your life force, and míle buíochas! A thousand thank yous!

Hyper Empathy? Silent Nights Might Help

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Do you feel overwhelmed not just by your own intense feelings but by everyone else’s too? This episode will help you honour and appreciate your sensitive nervous system.

I (Eve Menezes Cunningham, author, columnist, trauma therapist, senior accredited supervisor, coach, trauma survivor and AuDHDer) share practical strategies for managing hyper empathy which is common with ADHD, autism, AuDHD and trauma histories.

I encourage you to create protected silence in your life, from daily meditation to weekly 12-hour mini retreats, explaining why this isn’t indulgent but can be especially helpful for sensitive nervous systems.

Using my Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I guide you through:

Creating buffer time and space for yourself (Feel)
Accepting your sensitivity as a superpower (Love)
Building community support for your needs (Heal)

Perfect for trauma survivors, AuDHDers, autistic people and ADHDers (and those who identify highly sensitive people or empaths) and anyone who finds themselves absorbing everyone else’s emotions and energy.

Le grá (with love),

Eve

Resources mentioned:

Topics: hyper empathy, ADHD, autism, AuDHD, trauma recovery, sensitivity, boundaries, nervous system regulation, self-care

Chapters

(0:00) Overwhelmed by everyone else’s feelings

(1:00) Honouring your extra-sensitive nervous system

(2:30) When boundaries collapse under sensory overload

(3:05) The Feel. Love. Heal. framework and creating space for silence

(4:39) When life gets “too peopley”

(8:17) Sensitivity as a superpower (when you protect it)

(10:33) Healing through community and collective care

(12:20) Imagining your future self with stronger boundaries

Links

Tracy Otsuka: Episode 86

Too Sensitive? Too Much? Says Who? Episode 78 with Alice Tew and Carly Radford

Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks: Episode 71

Be More Cat: Episode 70

Love your inner Smelly Cat this Bealtaine and beyond Episode 56

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48

Sole to Soul Circle membership (just €8/month):

https://selfcarecoaching.net/sole-to-soul-circle/

Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better

https://selfcarecoaching.net/book/

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever feel overwhelmed not just by your own intense feelings but seemingly everyone else’s feelings?

This episode, Episode 88 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, is for you. You can access show notes and everything else via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com You can subscribe wherever you want to subscribe and you can also access loads of free resources and find out other ways in which we might work together through selfcarecoaching.net

Each Tuesday I release new episodes to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, most miraculous part of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and able to thrive. And that starts with you.

In today’s episode, we’re looking at ways in which, well I’m recommending one particular way in which you can honour that beautiful extra sensitive nervous system of yours and rather than feeling Gaaghh it’s overwhelming, I can’t do anything.

You recognise that you need extra care, extra buffer time, extra space that you’re deserving of connecting with your own feelings and I hope that what I’m recommending will help you.

With autism, with ADHD, with trauma, with AuADHD, sensory issues like hypervigilance, it’s all very much our day-to-day. And with that in mind, it’s natural that we have become, even if we weren’t born, attuned to other people’s needs and moods and potentially walking on eggshells, just wanting others to be happy, all of that.

For some people it goes into hyposensitivity where it’s just too much, shut down, not doing it. and for others it’s hyper, sorry, hyper empathy as opposed to hypo empathy where that feeling, not just your own but everyone else’s, it can feel and be debilitating.

It might be you go to a party and you get cornered by someone who you don’t want to be rude to, you learn boundaries, all of this gets much, much easier but boundaries are much easier to set and assert and maintain when we’re in that good place.

When we’re feeling bombarded, when there’s that sensory overload where it’s just too much, our defences go down and it can feel like we just want to move away to a cave in the forest in the middle of the earth. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Working with the Feel. Love. Feel. framework that I developed, for the Feel part, that’s the lowercase hyphenated self-care, the regulatory, the things you can do to help yourself feel better.

It’s really about looking at your schedule and thinking how can you create and protect some space for silence. I’ve talked about my weekly 12-hour mini retreats before and, full disclosure I had a journal to get off to press and I’m, at time of recording going away for my first holiday in over nine years. So manic preparations, trying to get everything prepared and it’s been a few weeks since I’ve managed my own weekly 12-hour mini retreat and I’m feeling it.

And I also know that when I get back from the holiday that will be a non-negotiable because it’s so beneficial for me. By having that silence, by having that time each week, I do over Christmas a 24-hour one which is even better but I’ve spoken in previous episodes about this, it just wasn’t sustainable.

I’d think to myself, oh on the bank holiday weekends I will do that and then instead I joined a Sub Aqua club and I’ve been going snorkelling around the country which has been really lovely but…

Doing less, 12 hours, half of what I thought I needed most of the year, most weeks this year, it’s been amazing. And I know each week when life gets too peopley and don’t get me wrong, I adore people, I love people but I need time to completely connect with myself, to tune in to myself and I need to not feel on call. Loved ones have my landline number, it’s not technically a landline, it’s that VoIP internet but it means I can switch my phone off, no telly, no washing machine, nothing noisy, just ahhh.

12 hours might sound like the height of indulgence to you. It might sound like nowhere near enough time, look at your schedule, think about what you need, be honest with yourself and create and protect that kind of space for yourself on a daily or weekly or monthly basis and experiment with it.

It’s not all or nothing, this is just about giving yourself space where you withdraw your senses from everyone else and you instead attune to your own. If you’re living with others it obviously complicates things but there are many people where they do kind of their silence in companionship and that can be even more nourishing depending on the relationships and this will be information as well.

But it might be that you live with lots of people and you can still take yourself away and have some time to think purely about whatever you want to be thinking about and not be bombarded with other people’s demands or perceived demands because you feel like you can feel what they’re feeling with that hyper empathy.

Moving on to the Love part and it’s accepting your sensitivity, it’s reminding yourself that you’re part of nature, you’re part of the Divine and you are created exactly as you ought to be. And the more you honour how you are, the greater the contribution to the world you can make, the more you can enjoy doing the things that help you make those contributions to the world.

Denying what you need is not going to help, beating yourself up is not going to help, telling yourself you’re too much, you’re too sensitive, any of that is not going to help.

If you haven’t already listened to my episode with Tracy Otsuka, the author of ADHD for Smart Ass Women, links in the show notes, she does loads around helping us remember that we’re not too much.

And there’s also the Alice Tew and Carly Radford [Too Much… Apparently] episode and Carly in particular is a sensitivity counsellor. She specialises in working with sensitivity, she’s autistic and both of them absolutely delightful.

I really loved recording both of those episodes so there’ll be links in the show notes and check them out and I’m also aware this is my job, this is my work, I spend so many hours every week talking to clients, talking to supervisees, talking to groups, writing, recording and I still have to use that soothing tone to myself when I feel like I shouldn’t need whatever it is I need or want whatever it is I want, I shouldn’t be too sensitive.

Recognising your sensitivity is and can be a superpower but that’s when you protect it, not when you let it overwhelm you. When you can be in that kind of ventral, that, think of a cat purring, it lets itself purr and it’s not helpless, it’s not defenceless, it’s allowing itself to be completely present and embodied and strong and it knows that if it needs to leap into action it can completely do that. But it’s not gonna stop giving itself that sun puddle, that glorious stretch, that delicious drink, whatever it might be.

We can all be more cat and if you haven’t already checked out the cat episodes, the Feline Better Every Day, the Rescue Cattitude and Polyvagal Purrs on Instagram, I’m actually going to be creating accounts for all the cats so they can… anyway that’s for another day but I use the rescue cats to help to illustrate Polyvagal Theory because it’s much simpler than the jargon makes it sound.

The more you recognise yes, your hyper empathy can be a superpower and you need to protect it, you need to honour it, you need to work with it and that might involve silence, that might involve space. This episode is around silent night coming up to Christmas, very cheesy, I know but think for yourself, it might be a silent hour, it might be a silent half hour, might be like I can’t imagine where I’d be without my daily meditation and I do it in different chunks.

I don’t do huge long chunks like some people, you need to work with your brain, you need to work with your window of tolerance, you need to love yourself exactly as you are and know that you were created and are perfect and you know what you need and it’s about giving yourself permission to have that rather than instead berating yourself and telling yourself you shouldn’t need it, so that’s the Love part.

The Heal part is to find or create community, the collective care, so the Love part it’s that uppercase Self care, that highest, wisest, truest, most miraculous, joyful, brilliant part of yourself and for the Heal it’s the collective care and the co-regulation.

In an ideal world, you’re going to be able to tell your nearest and dearest what you need, they’re going to respect it, all is going to be wonderful. In reality, people may want what’s best for you but they also have their own priorities and it’s potentially an advanced practice. And you’re going to have hopefully people in your life who help champion you and who help champion your need for space even when you’re struggling to honour it yourself, so think about who you would most love to talk to about this in your life, feel free to email eve at selfcarecoaching.net or comment on any of the platforms where you’re listening or watching or where you’ve come across this episode.

Share with someone who might benefit, talk to them about it, how might you do it for each other, how might you help each other honour that space, that time, that silence however long or short and ask for exactly what you want, so you’re asking yourself and you’re giving it to yourself and it will get easier the more you ask yourself and others and you’ll recognise the benefits and it will then be easier to protect that and to honour it for yourself.

In the Sole to Soul Circle this week and there’s a link in the show notes to the Sole to Soul Circle, we’re going to be going to afformations, so similar to affirmations but afformations and they’ll be designed to help you and if you’re not already a member you’re welcome to join, but to help you imagine how you got to this space where future imaginary you, happy, healthy, delighted to be around people knowing that you have stronger boundaries and you’re no longer that hyper empathy victim to everyone else’s feelings but you can instead ground, you can resource yourself and you can be present but you are no longer getting sucked into that.

That’s our deeper dive this week. Thank you, as always for listening and this has been episode 88 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and there’ll be more next week.

If you haven’t already subscribed feel free to do so, if it’s been helpful it would be helpful for me if you were to leave a comment or like or share with someone who you think will benefit, leave a five star review, it helps to get it out, it’s a small independent podcast and basically the more people I can reach helping people with trauma, with ADHD, with AuDHD to help yourself create a life you don’t need to retreat from, that’s helping others as well, everything I do, everything you do, it has an impact, it ripples out, so in order to reach as many people as possible I really appreciate you doing as many of those things as feel good for you and thanks again for listening and you can find more at selfcarecoaching.net or the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com also follow me on any of the socials and there are links on the site as well to that.

Let me know how you’re getting on, I love hearing from you, I love sharing all of this and how we’re all so uniquely human and the more we get to know ourselves and the more we befriend our unique ADHD or AuDHD brains, the more we heal our trauma and the better life gets.

You were wired differently for a reason and it can be a wonderful, wonderful thing, so look after yourself and I look forward to sharing more next week.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. You can find full transcripts, links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives, joining the Sole to Soul Circle, as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful, please leave a five-star review in a world in which so much is coming up for healing and so many people are feeling unsafe. I want to do whatever I can to help as many people as possible heal from trauma, helping create a world in which everyone is safe, welcome and loved, physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally able to thrive. So your subscribing or liking or sharing feedback and other support helps me help as many people of all genders with trauma histories and ADHD.

And your learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you, it creates a ripple effect helping others heal too. So keep looking after yourself, do what feels good, let yourself honour your nervous system, let yourself honour your charge, your life force and míle buíochas, a thousand thank yous.

Movement as Medicine with Gwen Williams: Episode 87 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 07:00:00 +0100

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Watch here or listen here or wherever you get your podcasts

Dance movement psychotherapist Gwen Williams joins me (trauma therapist, AuDHDer, senior accredited supervisor, coach, author and columnist etc, Eve) to discuss how she combines yoga therapy, dance, art, and psychotherapy to help people reconnect with their bodies and heal.

Gwen shares her journey from yoga therapy training (while pregnant!) to completing her MA in dance movement psychotherapy, plus her exhibition “Reclaiming the Wild Body.” She offers practical insights on movement practices for ADHD and neurodivergent brains, explaining why gentle, slow practices work best when your mind moves at a million miles an hour.

Perfect for anyone interested in somatic healing, trauma recovery, creative therapy, or finding movement practices that actually work for neurodivergent nervous systems.

Find Gwen: Website: gwen-williams.com Instagram: @movement_art_therapy

Topics covered: ADHD, dance movement psychotherapy, yoga therapy, somatic practices, neurodiversity, creative healing, embodiment

le grá (with love),

Eve

Chapters

(0:00) Introduction to Gwen Williams

(0:53) Reconnecting after yoga therapy training 14 years ago

(2:09) Gwen’s evolving body-based and creative work

(3:57) Reclaiming the Wild Body exhibition

(5:12) Neurodiversity, ADHD and creative practice

(7:14) Where to find Gwen online

(7:48) Exploring Eve’s Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(9:22) Gwen’s essential Feel self-care

(11:05) Ideal and essential Love Self care

(14:49) Designing life around slower somatic practice

(16:22) Heal collective care: community, dance and co-regulation

(18:03) Reclaiming the Wild Body workshops

(19:20) Earth body, social body and transpersonal body

(21:02) Vegan chat and episode planning

(22:57) Where to find Gwen (recap)

(23:23) Closing credits and resources

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to episode 87 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Today’s guest is the delightful Gwen Williams. We trained together as yoga therapists for mental health and it was so lovely to catch up with her for this episode and reconnect.

She’s since become a psychotherapist and she is combining art and her psychotherapy and yoga and movement and just all around delightfulness. If you’re in Bristol check her out and online obviously also you can gain a lot from her amazing presence in the world. I hope you enjoy the episode and let me know how you get on.

Welcome Gwen, thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for having me Eve, it’s really nice to be here. It’s so funny because I met you like we used to sit together a lot in the yoga therapy training we did with the Minded Institute and you were pregnant at the time and you like I couldn’t believe that I was struggling because it was a lot.

It was amazing but it was a lot and there you were and now finding out how old your son your first son is it’s like wow like you say it’s a huge mark of time but yeah it’s gorgeous seeing what you’ve been doing with the work and how it’s evolved for you and it looks so beautiful in the video. Do you want to say a little bit more about how it has evolved for you, where people can find you?

Yeah thank you, yeah so it’s lovely to reconnect with you and yeah it was it was about it was like 13 or 14 years ago that we were doing that training together. So yeah so that training in yoga therapy with the Minded Institute, yeah so I suppose that’s been part of an ongoing process for me of exploring, training, sharing different body and movement based work.

So after that I did some training in Focusing so we’re kind of bodied, lovely, gorgeous, embodied, practised and in women’s health and then in dance I trained as a dance movement psychotherapist so I did an MA in that which I completed about a year and a bit ago.

Congratulations.

Yeah thank you and that was a very big big chunky training to do so all these things I kind of bring together now in a way of working with people that’s very much focused on the body, focused on movement, focused on the somatic experience of our body, of what’s happening for us in movement and in response to our lives and our emotions and what’s going on in the world.

And I also have been yeah reclaiming my own creative practice because my background years ago was in fine arts and then in cultural and media studies so lots of the work I’ve been doing that was part of my MA and then going forward has been working with creative practice through I suppose what you could broadly call performance art or movement and film based work.

And you had an exhibition? I had an exhibition yes I had so I had an exhibition in January in central Bristol in an amazing gallery called Centre Space Gallery which is a gorgeous place and that was an exhibition that showcased this body of art space research that I’d done I’d been exploring for probably about seven years in different forms and then it became the focus of my final year of my master’s in dance movement psychotherapy where I got to do this piece of art space research which was called Reclaiming the Wild Body and that was heuristic.

It was sort of very much my exploration my own process in this and then I felt like OK I’ve got to bring this work out into a public space so had this exhibition which was an amazing experience and then as part of that had a movement lab with an amazing multi-instrumentalist so we brought other people in I brought other people into it and we explored and now that’s become a piece of workshops that’s happening right now.

Multi-talented, multi-passionate and it’s obvious that you’re waiting for an ADHD diagnosis like kind of with hindsight with what we know.

Yeah yeah yeah so as I was mentioning I’ve been on the waiting list for about four years for an ADHD diagnosis pretty sure I fit that model and often have multiple threads in different things going on that sort of all link together but often doing lots of things at once yeah yeah some diversity in the picture.

And I think that I know for me understanding oh it’s a differently wired brain it really has helped and continues to help me honour that more rather than oh I shouldn’t be or I should be or all of that.

Yeah absolutely yeah I think my own process with understanding neurodiversity and knowing I’ve been dyslexic my whole life and going and doing well actually when I did my degree it felt like quite a big deal when I did my Master’s it felt like quite a big deal and yeah shake off some ideas I had about what I was good at. And I actually did really well, amazingly, in my in the writing aspect which was a surprise because sometimes I’m like a thousand million ideas and I want to get all in and it can end up feeling a bit chaotic but wonderful.

Yeah it’s been really helpful to kind of understand a bit more about ADHD and be like, OK this is just how I this is kind of the way my brain works and there’s not something wrong with me. No what it is what I do but I think that’s what I think is really helpful in this growing interest in neurodiversity and I ADHD brain I’m not sure if you mentioned your website or website or Instagram I did yeah so my website is gwen-williams.com so you can find on there about my work that I do with groups one-to-ones and a little bit about my creative work and then my Instagram is at movement_art_therapy

Wonderful yeah and we were talking a bit about how I’ll be asking about your ideal and actual self-care so I work with the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed and the Feel bit is the more regulatory lowercase self-care the Love is the the uppercase s Self-care like connecting with your miraculous highest wisest wildest truest self and remembering that we’re all part of the divine remembering that we’re already whole no matter what we’ve survived whatever challenges we’re facing and then the Heal bit is the collective self-care the co-regulation.

It might be spaces you hold for others but also very much how you allow yourself to be held and to heal. If I start with the feel what would stand out as an ideal self-care and the essential for you?

I love this model. Great. It’s really nice breaking it down into these three parts so I’d say the kind of Feel yeah so the so the kind of yeah as we were saying sort of the I don’t want to call them basic self-care because they can be challenging and different circumstances but for me I guess I’m sort of eating relatively healthy food whilst also not denying myself any particular foods. But healthy foods fairly regularly. Getting hopefully just about enough sleep and having time I’ve got a little pooch who’s just sat here on the sofa next to me so walking out I’m very lucky to live in a city but one where there’s lots of nature around and woods and fields and a river. So being outside for a good part of the day and also just having time with my boys who are now teenage and tween age and maybe even sneaking in some cuddles with them in front of a good tv series we’re all watching and having some walks and time with my family.

Wonderful yeah they make a lot of self-care wonderful and I’m remembering when I stayed on your houseboat when you were on the river and waking up and seeing swans glide past the bedroom it’s like oh my god that’s incredible but yeah that’s gorgeous.

What would you say, and I always feel a bit evil asking this question but if you could only pick one thing what would be your essential self-care in that category?

I suppose I’d have to go for the snuggles and they’re like family time.

I love it I love it and moving to the Love part, so with the Feel part it’s very much when we have the bandwidth to do the things that will help us regulate. With the Love part that can often be harder because we are all part of the Divine and we forget, through trauma histories, through neurodivergence, and being told we’re wrong our entire childhoods and growing up. But when you like if you were to think about that highest wisest truest part of yourself like that acceptance that knowing that you don’t need to do a thing to improve. You’re already whole and everything. What would be your ideal and essential I realise I sound like I’m contradicting myself but there are things we can do to help us be in that mode more and does that make sense?

Yeah, totally and I guess I was thinking as you were saying that that we also exist in a society in our Western society that also doesn’t support this it doesn’t us are remembering that we are whole we are perfect we are part of divine love we are all enough as we are. And to me the remembering I really need to remember and my practice is really about remembering that and the way that I do that is really through the body and through my movement practice. So my ideal is that I get up at six in the morning and I go to my mat and I light a candle and I do some sitting meditation and I do some moving meditation combination of movement and yoga and I’m going to be honest that these days that doesn’t happen so much because I also you know end up going to bed a little bit too late and want to sleep in the morning. Yeah I do find it’s pretty much a necessity for me to do some morning movement practice ideally each day or as many days as I can manage in a week and it’s through my movement practice that it’s like it settles my nervous system.

It settles me back into my body back into myself and it’s through that that I access those things you mentioned wonderful so what one thing would be it’s my own movement practice at home on the mat.

Yeah did I just totally ADHD and ask you the exact same thing again?

Well I don’t know or maybe I did the ADHD thing and sort of went all over the place probably with it. Yeah my ideal is getting up and doing it in the morning but my like if that’s which a lot of the time it does and my kind of one thing is at some point at least a few times in the week.

Yeah I was thinking when you were saying about, so my brain did kind of go like the 6am as ideal: Is that because you’d like it to be or because you think it should be or because…?

And yeah I think it’s because it’s easier when I do do it. Yeah, less distracted by like oh maybe I need to do those emails or maybe I need to do that thing or I just need to wash up the breakfast things or need to be somewhere at a certain time.

So it makes it easier when first thing I do is my practice. Yeah that just doesn’t happen you’ve got two children like you’ve got so often it’s like they go to school and then I do a bit of practice and then I get on with my day.

And have you been able to design your day around it or like are you able to?

I do design my day around it and because it feels quite essential. Yeah I think you know talking about neurodiversity, a movement practice which is very soft, it’s very gentle is because my brain goes at a million miles an hour. So doing a movement practice that is very dynamic or pushes me and fast pace it’s like my brain is already doing that so I can just slow.

Gentle practice yeah actually it’s pretty essential for me to stay well and to stay regulated.

Yeah, I love it and moving to the Heal part you’ve already mentioned snuggles. That’s part of the kind of co-regulation the collective care and like kind of potential post-traumatic growth it’s the you are doing so much in your community I just love seeing your posts and hearing about it.

And do you want to say more about in an ideal world what you would offer and accept in terms of the Heal part? And also the bare essentials?

Yeah, so I suppose maybe I’ll start with the bare essentials so yeah there’s kind of the collective in my family that connection and then for me I dance in in shared spaces in Five Rhythms class and somatic dance classes. Having that once a week feels pretty essential for me. And that’s going as a participant, being held in that space, being part of this amazing community that really really lucky to have access to.

That does feel like kind of an essential and then it’s great if I can get it up to a couple of times a week. Oh you can probably see a little bit here and then also what I offer so I’m currently offering a somatic yoga and mindful movement group and that again it’s like sharing my practice. It’s a little bit of still meditation and a little bit of moving meditation and the reason I offer that is because that’s like my anchor.

Yeah, I benefit from offering those classes I’m also participating. We create the presence and the focus together. That’s one of the things that I’m offering and is part of my kind of ideal. And then I’m also offering this series of workshops called Reclaiming the Wild Body which explores this work for arts-based research and the work that came into the exhibition and now the series of workshops.

Yeah I just love it. Reclaiming the Wild Body. There’s so much power in that like oh my god just and like the world as well the earth the connection with nature the healing all of it.

Yeah yeah thinking about that collective like you said part of that work is exploring our bodies not as separate from nature not but as nature. We are nature. We are part of this bigger system and microcosms in the macro and it’s been a process of exploring what happens to my body when I’m in the landscape and in the environment. And when I really submerge myself in that, what happens to my nervous system, my body, my movement, my breath, my internal experience, my internal landscape.

And the flip side of that so I kind of it’s again it’s like a three-part model in a way so I call that the Earth Body and then kind of from exploring that I then explored the kind of opposite of that I suppose or another aspect which is the Social Body the body that’s exists within a society history and has a tradition part of that history and tradition is to separate humans from nature humans over nature humans as not all one but as separate individuals individualism and capitalism and so there’s all these stories that we’re all assisting in stories about many kind of aspects of our visible bodies that come from a historical position so also part of that and that can feel a little bit more kind of edgy or a little bit more there can be some discomfort in some of those things yeah also and then the last part of that model is the Transpersonal Body or the body that is part of this bigger system that other bodies humans animals plants beings reconnecting with us.

I love it. Oh yeah are you vegan?

I’m not vegan actually I’ve been vegetarian most of my life and now I’m a bit flexitarian.

No I was just trying to remember when you were saying that I remember when I did the training I wasn’t but a lot of you were going out for these very healthy I am now but I could use much more whole food and less of the ultra processed deliciousness but no I hope you don’t mind me asking.

No no I’m a bit like probably many of my meals are vegan I don’t have very much that’s not vegan but I do have a bit. My son is actually vegan. He’s all in with it a bit of accommodating that.

I’m only thinking it’s in terms of I want to get this out as soon as possible and I’ve promised that next week it’s going to be for World Vegan Month and I thought oh if you’re then I will change! And but no anyway I will do what I promised at the end of the last episode for next week but that model just sounds beautiful.

It’s amazing, gorgeous talking to you. You’re going to stay with me for the Circle and I’m going to ask you a bit more about the fast brain and slower yoga and how you work that because I’ve very much found that myself and someone recently said to me I was in a like warm yin class and he said I had a “yin vibe” and I was like oh that’s so sweet it’s so not true. I have to work so hard it’s utter torture but nearly 50 I can manage it and benefit from it. In my 20s in London it was pure torture and so I’d love to go into a little bit more around that for the Circle.

So thank you. Do you want to say again where people can find you?

Yes so you can find me I have a website gwen-williams.com you can also find me on Instagram which is at movement_art_therapy and I have to think as I say that because my dyslexic brain just muddles those three words up into different orders but yeah movement_art_therapy

Wonderful. Thanks a million.

Pleasure.

Thank you for listening or watching the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. This episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham you can find full transcripts links and more information in the show notes and also at selfcarecoaching.net as well as more information about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and if you’re interested in those deeper dives joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as lots of other free resources and information about other offerings.

If this episode was helpful please leave a five-star review. In

Tracy Otsuka on the 43% of ADHDers with Excellent Mental Health

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast! Today I’m thrilled to share my conversation with Tracy Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast and author of the book by the same name.

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Tracy was one of the first voices I discovered on my own ADHD journey, and her strengths-based, neuro-affirming approach has been truly transformative. She’s a former lawyer who boldly celebrates the brilliance often overlooked in ADHD while being refreshingly honest about the challenges.

In this episode, we explore:

Why ADHD is an identity problem, not just a productivity issue
Exercise supporting and sometimes replacing medication for managing symptoms
The power of finding your “sweet spot” where executive function challenges disappear
Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and the most creative solution I’ve come across
The 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health that nobody talks about

Whether you’re newly diagnosed, long-time ADH or supporting someone who is, this conversation is full of practical wisdom and hope. Enjoy!

Chapters

0:00 – Introduction to Tracy Otsuka and her work

2:51 – Personal impact of Tracy’s podcast and book

4:02 – Finding Tracy and her programmes

4:41 – ADHD as an identity problem and building on strengths

5:46 – Ideal self-care practices

6:19 – Exercise and medication experiences

8:13 – Morning routines and dopamine

11:26 – Reading, hyperfocus, and slow dopamine

12:13 – Gardening, tapping, and somatic practices

13:12 – Sleep and managing bedtime resistance (Revenge Bedtime Procrastination)

15:20 – Strategies for easier evening routines

18:55 – Advice for younger self and understanding ADHD

21:07 – Self-expertise and navigating medications

23:42 – Following interests and creating meaningful work

24:51 – Music, piano, cello, and doing things your way

26:25 – Singing, family, and supporting creativity

27:29 – How you can find Tracy

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I can’t wait to introduce today’s guest. She’s someone who has helped me enormously on my own ADHD and now AuDHD journey. Hers was one of the first podcasts I found when I started going down that rabbit hole.

The very fantabulous Tracey Otsuka, host of the ADHD for Smart Ass Women podcast and author of the book ADHD for Smart Ass Women.

Her podcast is really working with the brilliance that is often overlooked with ADHD. She’s very bold, very dynamic, former lawyer, and really confident, honest about the challenges, honest about the disabling aspects, but really it’s probably one of the most strengths-based neuro-affirming approaches I’ve heard.

And I just love her guests. She is wanting to draw awareness to the 43% of ADHDers with excellent mental health. So I hope you enjoy our interview.

I’m really looking forward to talking to her. And I hope that without any kind of toxic positivity, without any negating of the struggles, you too will be able to own your challenges, know that you deserve support for your challenges and make space for your brilliance. Let me know what you think.

Welcome to Episode 85 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday, I share new episodes helping trauma survivors, ADHDers and AuDHDers take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from, and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome, and loved, able to thrive. So literally working with your nervous system, your energy, and it’s a very holistic approach.

You can subscribe if you haven’t already, and you’re very welcome to share. I do a lot of free content because I know not everyone can afford one-to-one work. I’ve got another group event coming up, and there’s always the Sole to Soul Circle.

But if you check out selfcarecoaching.net, there’s information about the book, more about the podcast, loads of free resources around different areas and conditions. And you can also visit the www.thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. I hope you enjoy today’s episode, and thank you for listening and watching whatever you’re choosing to do. So welcome, Tracy Otsuka.

I can’t believe I’m talking to you because you are such a huge influence on me befriending my own ADHD and now I understand AuDHD brain. This is the first time we’ve spoken, like we’ve just had a brief chat now, but I’ve listened to so many of your episodes, your book, and I recommend it to so many people. I mentioned it in the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, an article I did about late diagnosis, and I love your strengths-based approach.

I love that you don’t gloss over the challenges, like you’re human, we’re all human, but even the idea that, is it 43% of ADHD is experienced good mental health?

No, no, not good, not good. Excellent. Excellent mental health. And no one ever talks about that. Why have I never heard or read about this other than that one article? Actually, there’s a few articles on that one study.

Yeah, I absolutely love it. So I’m so grateful for your work. Where can people find you and what are you working on at the moment?

Probably the easiest place that they can find me is on our brand new app called AOK Mind, and you can find it in the App Store or Google Play.

Wonderful.

And there’s tons of free resources there, so a lot of the trainings that I’ve done over the years are in there.

You also have your patented programme. Do you want to mention that?

I do have my six-step patented programme. We call it Your ADHD Brain is AOK. I think my camera’s a little crooked. And so I don’t believe that ADHD is a productivity problem. I believe it is an identity problem. We’ve spent our entire life trying to be who they want us to be at the expense of figuring out who we really are. And so the reason why this is so important is if you can build that foundation of what is it exactly that you value? What’s truly important to you? What are the strengths that are just natural born? You can’t help but practice them. You’re practicing them now. What are the talents that you’ve built skills around and turned into superpowers? What of the many passions? Because that is one of our challenges. We have sparkly syndrome where we try this, we try that, we try little bit of this, then we go down here and try more of that. And so it can make us feel like we’re all over the place. And then of course, our purpose. So if you can figure out what that sweet spot is, that is your foundation and do work in that sweet spot.

You will have none, if not very, very few of the executive function challenges that you have in most other areas.

Yeah, wonderful. And if you were to think, because I know you’re a great proponent of the things that you talk about exercise and the things we can control, even when they might be more challenging, what would be your ideal self-care practices, both in terms of like basic self-care and that uppercase S, the highest, wisest, truest part in your spiritual practices, and also collective care? You’ve mentioned your group, but what would be your ideal? So my ideal and I try my, there’s certain things that are non-negotiables and you know, the number one for me is exercise. Unfortunately, and I know I have developed this reputation. I’m not sure how that I am against medication. I am not against medication at all. Are you kidding me? If I could use medication for the things that are difficult for me to get done, like anything to do with numbers or frankly, memorising anything, I would use medication in a heartbeat. It does not work for me, however. And so when things don’t work for you, you have to develop other workarounds.

And so I’m so appreciative that medication didn’t work for me because if it did, I may not have gone out and developed the other workaround. So what we know, number one, my number one strategy is OK. 20 minutes of exercise at 70% of your high heart rate studies have been done about this is as effective as a course of Adderall and Prozac. Even if you are taking medication, it is going to make your medication work better and there are no side effects. So I work out every morning. I used to work out in the evenings.

I’ve always worked out. There was something that my brain just knew I felt better. Um, so I’ve always worked out, but I used to work out in the evening.

And when I discovered that I had ADHD, I realised, OK, I need to change this up because I feel like my brain is like an airplane on a runway and I need to get it off the runway. And what gets it off the runway first thing in the morning is dopamine. That’s, you know, what’s going on with our brains.

We don’t know is that we make, we don’t make enough of it, or is it that we process it differently? They don’t know for 100% certainty what it is. And so I know I’ve got to get that dopamine up in the morning. And if I can do that, everything is better throughout the day.

The first thing I do is I literally get up. It was hard initially, but at this point I have trained my brain (neuroplasticity) to the point that I get up in the morning and I’m like a robot. I never thought in my head, I don’t want to do this. It’s cold. It’s, it’s just so odd, but I think it’s because I know this is my medication and if I don’t do it, I’m going to feel bad.

I would say it’s that, and then getting it out in nature. So I will do, we have two dogs, Teddy and Mo and I will take a walk with my husband. And then if I get up early enough, I really like to do some sort of reading in the morning rather than picking up my phone and scrolling, you know, which is fast dopamine, which 15 minutes later makes us crash.

It doesn’t help us, versus slow dopamine, like reading a book where it’s a little hard to get into it, but you know, hyper-focus once we’re interested, we’re locked in and then we can’t put it down. I read, I’m not a fiction reader at all, but a friend of mine who I adore wrote a fiction book. And so I thought I’m a crappy friend. If I don’t read this book, I did not want to read this book. I had no interest. And I picked it up at 10:30 on Saturday morning, hyper-focus. I finished it at 3:30 in the morning. You know, but it was because it was so well-written and it was so interesting. The Covert Buccaneer, by the way.

I was going to say, do you want to plug the book in the author?

It’s so good. I wish I had it sitting here, but I don’t, it’s called The Covert Buccaneer. And it’s kind of this dual timeline where you’re talking about the present tense, which is really kind of, it’s a story about her life. She’s a lawyer that fought for caregiver rights. And then it also has, she found this manuscript from her great grandmother. No, was it a great, great grandmother? And who was a suffragist, suffragist, is that how you say it? You know, in the late 1800s, early 1900s.

And so, you know, we do things like that, right. Where when we pop in, it might be hard to start, but then we pop into hyper-focus and granted I spent the whole day doing that. I never, ever, ever do something like that. Not for fiction. I mean, not for nonfiction and certainly not for fiction, but there was something about, I was like proud of myself. I was like, wait a minute, I can do this.

So again, it’s about interest, right? We have ADHD brain is a brain of interest. When we find something that is interesting to us, even if in our mind, we’re like, I don’t do fiction because the last two fiction books, the last one was Anna Karenina. It took me eight months to finish it because I had to, you know, because I’d forget what I had read and I was just honest to God bored.

Those are the three things that in an ideal day, that is how I start my morning out. The first two are non-negotiables. The third one, it’s when I can get up early enough, we have daylight savings time flipped back.

I have an extra hour so it’s been a little bit easier, but the downside to that is I can never get myself together before 9:30 in the morning because it’s, and I get up early, you know, but it’s just all of these things that I need to do to make sure that when I show up for someone like you, my brain is working, you know, maybe not as best as it can, but a lot better than if I didn’t do it. Yeah.

And, what about like kind of later in the day or like once a week, like, is there anything else that you would love to fit in?

I love to garden. Again, that’s nature. And I don’t know what it is about gardening, but that it is one of the few things that I can do and I’m not thinking about other things. I don’t know why I I’m just not, I’m just in it, you know, it’s, you know, it’s somatic kind of all about somatic therapies and when I’m struggling, I would say my number one thing is tapping. Yeah.

I do. Yeah. It’s fantastic.

So, what if you could only do… this feels evil because I depend on many myself and it’s like, take any of them away. Like, I start with like, kind of, I’m not going to do all I’ve done in other episodes, but all the things I’ve trained in, they’re all essential to me. They were all to save my life before I knew I had ADHD.

Yeah. If I were to be evil and say that one thing, what would that be? The one thing out of all the things that I’ve mentioned. You know, the other thing I need to mention, because I was such a sleep denier, I don’t need sleep.

I literally wake up… most people, they wake up at 5:30 in the morning and they’re going to get up at six. They’re, they’re thinking, Oh, I want more time. I am literally, I don’t want to go to bed.

And I don’t, I, so if I wake up and I wake up early, I am the kind of person who it’s like, Oh, please don’t make it too, too late. I mean, don’t make it too early because then I’m going to have to go back to bed again. I just, and I don’t need sleep.

So I thought I didn’t need sleep. Right. And then I heard that the quality and quantity of your REM sleep is directly proportional to your lifespan. And once I heard that, I was like, Oh crap, you better start paying attention to this, especially, you know, as we’re aging, as we’re getting older. So I would say sleep is so important. I’m still not perfect, but I am so much better than, you know, four or five hours a night, which I was doing for years.

Yeah. And what helps? Cause I know it’s really hard. Like sleep is one of my specialisms.

I used to be an insomniac as a small child, but I also know with the hyper-focus I can get obsessed with like reorganising my closet in the middle of the night or working until three in the morning, just because I love what I do, but also a lot of different angles to what I do. What helps you? I have reminders on my phone, like time to stop work, Evie Cat? Cause I use the rescue cats to illustrate polyvagal theory.

And it’s like, I have to do it as a question mark to not have the pathological demand avoidance and like Time for bed, Evie Cat? at 11. And like, if I can, and then I might read, Oh, like do lots of things, but the friendlier I can make it, but there’s still that like teenage and toddler part of me, like, no, I want to do all the things. Revenge, bedtime procrastination.

Right. Totally. A couple of things. I, it’s about removing the resistance. Right. And so we know for our ADHD brains, if we can make something fun, challenging, social or urgent, we can get it done.

Let’s scrap urgent because that does not help our nervous system. Yeah. One of the things that I just hate doing and it prevents me from going back to the bedroom is taking off my makeup and washing my face and brushing my teeth, flossing.

And I just hate all of that. So what I find is if I can do it throughout the night, it’s much easier for me to go to bed. So I have, you know, toothbrush, you know, those wipe things I have, you know, cleanser, in our guest bathroom, because that’s actually the bathroom that I’ll use, you know, if I’m sitting on the couch and I’m reading, or if I’m watching a program or whatever.

And so whatever you can do to remove the resistance. So I’ll grab one of those wipes, I’ll bring it into the family room and I’ll be getting rid of, you know, the first coat while I’m sitting there, just anything to make it easier. And then the other thing I did for Additude Magazine, I did a webinar for them on Revenge Bedtime Procrastination.

And the first thing, when I heard about how important our sleep is, the first thing I did is I thought, OK, how can I make it fun? And so I have an A L E X A, do they have those in Ireland? The Alexa. Yeah. Yeah.

Mine will go off. So sorry, I don’t, I realised why you were spelling it out, what it is, right? Yeah. You’re trying to not activate it by saying.

It’s a nosy little thing.

Yeah. And so what I initially did was I thought, OK, Cinderella, you know how she has to get home before midnight. Otherwise she’ll turn into a, or the, I guess the carriage will turn into a pumpkin.

So I played a game with and I set up my A L E X A to play church bells. And so minutes before I, so I am not, and you know, if I can get to bed by midnight, that’s good for me. So at 11:50, I set off the church bells and that was the cue to get up off my seat and to start, you know, closing windows, locking things.

And, but I had to be out by, you know, by 12 o’clock when the clock struck midnight and I would find myself running around the house, like laughing at myself, but it’s kind of what you were saying, right? You have to make it fun. Yeah. And I, I only had to do it maybe three times and it kind of got in my brain that, OK, you know, we’re going to be in bed by midnight.

And sometimes I get bad and I start slacking, but then I remember, OK, no, this is what serves you. And you really have to pay attention, right? Because we forget how we feel. So when I go to bed late, how do I feel in the morning? Usually I’m not able to do any reading.

I’m running through my workout. I’m running through the, you know, the walk with the dogs. And so things just feel again, it’s all, and you know, this, if anyone knows this, it’s all about nervous system regulation, right? So if you can start your day out calm and feeling in control, it’s always going to work better than if you’re running through everything, just trying to tick it off of a box.

Yeah. I love it. And, um, what advice do you have for younger you? What do you wish you’d known earlier? What advice do I have for younger me? Well, I wish I knew I had ADHD.

A couple things. I wish I knew I had ADHD. I wish I knew that the ADHD brain was a brain of interest. And so maybe that’s why I shouldn’t have started studying dentistry in college. Oh, wow. So you went from dentistry to law and then this.

Yeah, because I didn’t know. So, you know, I was, I have a tiger mom and a tiger dad, my father’s Japanese American, and my mother’s German. And, you know, we got up, we were required to get up every morning at 6am to play an hour of our instrument.

And if we didn’t - classical instrument, of course, I hated it. You know, I just absolutely hated it. But I was raised, what was the question you just asked me? What you wish younger you had known, like what advice you’d have? Oh, OK.

So the instrument is an example of, OK, that’s what my parents wanted for me. That is so not what I wanted for me. But I didn’t know what I wanted, you know, given the choice today, I would have said, OK, you want me to do something...

Eating Out Shouldn't Be a Nightmare (World Vegan Month)

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Do you feel like your vegan diet or food allergies make you “difficult” at restaurants and social gatherings? You’re not alone. And you deserve better.

In this World Vegan Month episode, I (author, trauma therapist, senior accredited supervisor etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share some of my journey from being an “awkward vegan” with a severe bell pepper allergy to (more) confidently advocating for my food needs. Learn how to:

✨ Ask for what you need without shame

✨ Use somatic techniques to feel empowered when ordering

✨ Navigate social situations where you’re the only vegan

✨ Recognise which people and places truly support your needs

✨ Turn advocating for yourself (stating dietary requirements) into self-healing

Whether you’re vegan, have food allergies, sensory issues with food or any dietary requirements, this episode validates your experiences and provides practical tools for feeling safe, welcome and nourished.

Perfect for anyone with trauma, ADHD, or AuDHD who struggles with the extra layers of complexity around food choices.

🎙️ Feel Better Every Day Podcast Episode 85 Host: Eve Menezes Cunningham Next week: Special guest Tracy Otsuka, author of “ADHD for Smart Ass Women”

📚 Free resources and full transcript: selfcarecoaching.net

#VeganLife #FoodAllergies #ADHD #TraumaHealing #SelfCare #Neurodivergent #WorldVeganMonth

CHAPTERS

(0:00–1:25) Asking for what you need and embracing awkwardness

(1:25–3:50) Power poses, confidence, and feeling worthy of good things

(3:50–5:44) Compassion for yourself when being vegan feels awkward

(5:44–7:15) Sensory needs, boundaries, and finding your people

(7:15–9:01) Speaking up for yourself and healing old wounds

(9:01–11:24) Food, co-regulation, and making socialising easier

(11:24–13:24) EFT tapping, tenderness, and trauma-informed care

(13:24–16:10) Rippling kindness outward and staying idealistic

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever feel like being a vegan makes it hard for you to enjoy food out with friends, loved ones or even at home?

Do you ever feel like you’re being too awkward if you have any kind of food allergy?

This episode for World Vegan Month is for you and I want to encourage you to acknowledge the accommodations that you need and deserve and to help you ask for what you need with less shame.

I’m nearly 50 and I am much better at it than I used to be but I used to call myself an awkward vegan for many years because I’m also allergic to bell peppers and they’re in so many vegan dishes.

The older I get, I mean I say the older I get, a couple decades ago I was writing for an allergy magazine about the pepper allergy and it was before I went vegan but about the difficulty. It’s not one of the big 14 [allergens].

Back then there was a big 10 and there’s more awareness around allergies but I guess the relevance for this episode is recognising the special needs needing to be accommodated like it could kill me. And it is very stressful a lot of the time and also I love food and I want to enjoy it, I don’t want to be off of the salads.

Welcome to episode 85 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and every Tuesday I share a new episode where it’s helping people with trauma, ADHD and AuDHD take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved.

This here is Mighty Meadbh and if you haven’t already subscribed you’re very welcome to and you can find out more information at the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and that will lead you to the book and all sorts of free resources as well as ways of working with me.

For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework today, I want to encourage you to get into your body to empower yourself. It might be that you feel a bit silly doing a power pose before making a phone call to a restaurant or even looking at a menu outside. But it’s hard being in a minority. And with food being so central. We co-regulate with other people and we connect with others so often through food so if you’re the only vegan in your circle it can be really challenging.

You might want to take a power pose to remind yourself that just as you wouldn’t tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t be eating no one else has a right to be telling you that. And you deserve delicious food.

Notice the way you’re sitting. Notice if you can straighten up. Notice if you can send those signals of safety up via the vagus to the pons part of the brain (if it’s not too awkward depending on where you are when you are you might want to take a Power Pose).

I’ve removed my arms from Meadbh I don’t know what she’ll do now. If you’re standing up, maybe place your hands on the hips but anything that helps you have that open-hearted posture.

It’s not about being awkward. It’s not about being difficult. It’s about being polite but also knowing that you have a right to eat in a way that feels good for you.

I’ve actually considered stopping being vegan because it feels so awkward sometimes and I just… it might be the justice sensitivity with the ADHD and it might be the trauma history and kind of taking the animal suffering, the bee suffering, so to heart, but I would really struggle to live with myself.

I find it much easier to live with myself trying, I mean I’m not… like kind of that sounds dramatic. I don’t mean it like that. But it’s a friendlier way for me personally to walk through this life where humans do so much damage.

To not be a part of that. But there’s nothing wrong with anyone making any choices that are right for them whether it’s through taste or through health reasons or anything else.

But it’s about you giving yourself permission to know what you want and ask for what you want. Where there might be allergies it can be extra awkward. There’s generally more understanding around coeliac… it seems like kind of people seem to be doing well getting gluten-free food.

There is a huge lack of awareness still around what vegan actually means. People are often like, “oh, it has eggs” or “it has honey”.

It’s like that’s not vegan! Plant-based being offered a salad. Let yourself feel how you want to feel don’t be forcing yourself to contort your tastes. If you want chips that’s fine. If you want salad that’s fine but also know that you, like everyone else at the table, is worthy of a meal that you will genuinely enjoy and feel nourished by. You deserve that just as everyone else does.

As we move to the Love part of the framework, remembering that you like everyone else are part of the Divine. Part of nature. And there’s no need to feel awkward.

It might be that your dietary requirements have nothing to do with being vegan but it’s to do with sensory issues. And again, you have a right to eat in a way that feels good for you. That makes sense for you. You don’t need to change a thing.

And it can sound harsh but I know for me with the being vegan and having the anaphylaxis pepper allergy… it filters out people who aren’t good for me. Because if someone is caring and considerate and patient… often people have… my loved ones… my partner has to be very patient sometimes where it’s so difficult for me to get something edible.

It filters out people who are dismissive. Who consider one option that’s barely edible to make the venue a vegan restaurant. And food, again it can be so connecting, it can be so joyful, it can be so… and it can also make you feel like very disconnected.

For the Love part of the framework this week, I really want you to just give yourself some love.

Connect with that part of you that maybe doesn’t feel worthy of the… I was going to say concessions, the accommodations, the awkwardness.

Know that someone would have no problem asking for whatever they wanted in a very specific way. You have every right to frequent establishments that make you feel welcome and that make you feel like you’re not putting them out and that they want to.

And often, it’s really like kind of seemingly meaty places that will be the most welcoming, and where they specialise in that farm to table. Or it’s interesting. Don’t underestimate that there are some amazing places out there and where they will respect your vegan or other dietary requirements and treat you like someone who is deserving of food and you also like kind of really enjoying being there.

Stop arguing with reality. If someone is making you feel worse about it then you might already be feeling that person isn’t good for you those people aren’t good for you. It might be that they’re family. It might be that you have to keep them in your life but you can really be extra tender with that part of yourself that feels rejected and potentially betrayed and uncared for having specific food requirements can be triggering in terms of inner child stuff coming up for healing. A lot of childhood stuff, a lot of like needs not having been met, all sorts of other needs additional needs so really be tender with yourself as it all comes up for healing. And recognise that every time you speak up for yourself, you are healing. You are shining a light on it. And you can bring other people on board. You can let them know how they can support you in it.

One of the things that’s really helped me this year is taking on the booking for a group that I’m part of. It means I can do the research and I can make sure that there’s going to be something edible for me. Something delicious hopefully. I’ve been treated well so far but it makes me feel like I’m not then adding to the person booking workload.

And also, that the person responsible for the food knows about the seriousness of the allergy. So find ways if it’s available to you, to take more ownership over the choices so that everyone can be happy and have delicious food.

And that really is part of the Heal element. The co-regulation, the collective care. The recognising groups where you feel comfortable doing that, groups of friends or more formal groups.

Noticing the restaurants that you feel most comfortable at. The environments you feel most comfortable eating in. The neighbours who might be the most carnivorous creatures on the planet but who welcome a vegan burger at a barbecue or whatever it is. It’s not about, again, changing anyone else’s taste or choice. It’s about honouring that you are as deserving as they are. And they are as deserving as you are. Everyone has a right to food to nourishment and to safety and to feeling welcome.

We know that with Polyvagal Theory, we thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved. It’s easy for so many people (or it appears to be easy for so many people) when invited to stay for dinner or a cup of tea or anything like that. And it just can feel like an extra barrier. Sometimes, where it’s like, you’d love the company but it means having to say oh, I’ll often just have a hot water rather than go through any kind of milk issue or anything like that.

Think of ways in which you can make it easier for yourself. Think of ways you can make it more enjoyable for yourself.

Let me know how you are getting on in terms of what you do now that you didn’t think to do when you were younger and things that have really made a difference in terms of you embracing that part of you that needs the extra care, the extra tenderness, the extra consideration.

And knowing that again whether it’s through a vegan diet an allergy an intolerance or any kind of sensory issues, knowing that you are worthy.

Let me know how you get on and I look forward to going deeper in the Circle. We’re going to do another EFT Tap Along to help get rid of some of that around decades of potentially feeling unwelcome and too much and impossible to handle and all the things that can be especially triggering with extra sensitive nervous systems, with trauma histories, with ADHD, with AuDHD.

I hope you will join me for that. And you can join via the website at selfcarecoaching.net

Thank you for listening. This episode like all of them has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. And you can find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and you can find full transcripts and links and show notes via the blog at selfcarecoaching.net and also loads of free resources around confidence, around anxiety, around menopause, all sorts of things trauma obviously and neurodivergence. Very trauma-informed neuro-affirming approach.

Lots of things you can do for yourself so check that out. I would like to be able to help as many people as I can which is why I do the podcast. Not everyone can afford one-to-one work and not everyone can attend workshops or events.

I love sharing the podcast and it would be really delightful if you feel that it’s helpful if you are happy to share a five-star review or share it with someone who you think might find it beneficial.

This will help in terms of reaching other people with trauma with AuDHD, with ADHD, and with the ripple effect of taking better care of yourself. It really does change everything if you take the example of the food. When you’re well fed, when you’re taking care of yourself, you’re leaving that restaurant or wherever it is feeling like you’re in a better humour, you’re better able to notice if someone else is in need and to help.

To stop to open a door. Tiny tiny tiny little things that add up to give someone the benefit of the doubt to be gracious in all sorts of situations. The more you’re taking care of your nervous system, the more you’re acknowledging your energy levels and what’s happening with your energy your chi, your prana, your life force, the more it ripples out.

And I know it sounds grandiose, but it can if we all took care of our own nervous systems, if we all made sure we were as regulated as possible and if we all came together to topple the systems that thrive on inequality and suffering world peace will ensue.

I might be too old to be an idealist but I still am an idealist. I very much appreciate you listening watching sharing commenting engaging in whatever way feels right for you. And I look forward, next week, to sharing an especially special episode with an author who really helped me when I first began looking into the possibility that I might have ADHD.

Her approach - it’s Tracy Otsuka who wrote ADHD for Smart Ass Women and before that and still she has her podcast by the same name but she’s so dynamic so confident so delightful and so bold – is really exploring the 43% of ADHDers who experience excellent mental health and particularly looking at women with ADHD.

I hope you will join me for that and that you have a delicious week ahead.

World Kindness Day Special: Be Kinder to Your Extra Sensitive Nervous System

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Be Kinder to Your Extra Sensitive Nervous System: Episode 84 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Struggling to show yourself the same kindness you’d give others? If you have ADHD, autism, or trauma, your nervous system needs extra care—not extra pressure. This episode explores why self-compassion is essential for neurodivergent and trauma survivors—and how to practice it daily.

Topics covered:

Recognizing when you’re pushing yourself too hard (like working until 3am)
Understanding your extra sensitive nervous system
The 20,000 negative messages statistic and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
Reparenting yourself with tenderness
The Feel, Love, Heal framework for self-acceptance
Befriending your body and mind as they are right now
Connecting with neurodivergent community

Resources mentioned:

Workshop at The Yoga Root (Feb 15) - theyogaroot.org
Sole to Soul Circle membership (from €8/month)
EFT tap-along for RSD (bonus content)
Free resources at selfcarecoaching.net
Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better

You deserve tenderness. You deserved more than you had. Let yourself grieve while you heal.

📧 eve@selfcarecoaching.net 🌐 selfcarecoaching.net

#ADHD #Autism #AuDHD #SelfCompassion #TraumaHealing #Neurodivergent #RSD #SelfCare #WorldKindnessDay

CHAPTERS

(0:00–0:33) Why it’s still so hard to be kind to ourselves

(0:38–1:26) Discovering autism and learning to slow down

(1:26–3:00) Overworking, late nights, and holding yourself accountable for rest

(3:08–4:16) Understanding ADHD, emotional pain, and rejection sensitivity

(4:16–5:41) Reparenting yourself and honouring what you’ve survived

(5:48–7:04) Working gently with childhood memories and self-compassion

(7:10–8:14) Befriending your changing body and mind

(8:21–9:17) Finding connection and support within neurodivergent communities

(9:40–10:27) Accepting yourself and allowing healing

(10:27–11:00) Expressing your needs without apology

(11:07–12:09) You deserve tenderness and kindness

(12:09–13:31) Grieving what you didn’t have and helping build a kinder world

LINKS

Love Yourself. Warts and All: I Swear inspired Episode 82 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://youtu.be/emoPrbHbc2M?si=HIP2MEp0QaD-E1Mt

Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks:

Episode 71 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast https://youtu.be/OudSMFHNDEo

Be More Cat: Episode 70 of the Feel Better

Every Day Podcast https://youtu.be/ZJQTjy372GY

Love your inner Smelly Cat this Bealtaine and

beyond Episode 56 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast https://youtu.be/daQopL3K7BY

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48 of

The Feel Better Every Day Podcast https://youtu.be/atAcj0HtD6U

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Are you still struggling to be even a fraction as kind to yourself as you would be to anyone else, especially if you knew their trauma history or how much they struggle with ADHD AuDHD autism symptoms?

This episode is to, as all of the episodes, helping people with trauma, ADHD AuDHD take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved.

So this is episode 84 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I’m still in the early stages of processing the fact that I have autism as well as ADHD and again it’s making so much more sense of my nearly 50 years on the planet and having to be extra gentle with myself.

I was kind of crying every day for a couple of weeks there and other stuff going on but recognising it even though all my work is about amping up the self-care and protecting the trauma survivor and neurodivergent extra sensitive nervous system, realising I was still trying to do way too much and really recognising that’s not friendly, that’s not kind.

Even a little thing, like I worked weekends for many, many years. I’ve been self-employed for 21 years but for more than half of that I was constantly doing additional trainings and getting different certifications and so many additional things.

When I started giving myself weekends off (apart from if I’m facilitating a workshop or at a conference or something) it has translated into often working really late on a Friday night in order to have the Saturday and Sunday off.

The last few weeks, with everything going on it’s been like kind of till 1am, 3am. And that’s not kind to myself. That’s not helping in terms of the ADHD medication.

It’s not. If anyone were saying that their boss was making them do that, I love my work so there’s that but also it’s not sustainable. I’m saying it here to keep myself accountable but if I don’t finish by 9 o’clock, 10 o’clock at the very, very, very latest I will get up early on a Saturday to do some because it’s better to have it on a Saturday or Sunday than to be becoming a routine late late late.

You might have other things, I mean for me I think it is the over scheduling that is the biggest thing in terms of my nervous system and also really, really, really having to be gentle with myself.

I’m gaining more understanding about ADHD medication having an impact on things like the Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) and how, apparently, our pain threshold which is pretty high with ADHD goes down.

Neuroscience shows that emotional pain registers in a similar way, in the same way on brain scans, as physical pain. Rather than telling ourselves we shouldn’t care or that we’re too sensitive or anything like that, just recognising we do care, it does hurt. 2025 is an advanced practice living through everything that’s going on, I’m not going to even name the horrors, natural disasters, human inflicted horrors.

But it’s a lot for any nervous system. Just recognising having to be extra tender with yourself so that’s the Feel part, let yourself feel, give yourself permission to self-regulate, give yourself permission to recognise the pain and the grief involved in learning these skills that seem to come so effortlessly to other people (although they probably don’t).

Giving yourself permission to reparent yourself, imagining having grown up without all the trauma you’ve survived, imagine growing up in a world in which your autism, your ADHD was supported. And your gifts were nourished and nurtured. And you were not made to feel wrong.

There’s that statistic that is still kind of playing on my mind from that 2024 study that was cited in Additude magazine around ADHD children receiving 20,000 more negative messages than neurotypical children by the age of 10.

It really helps me recognise of course so many of us have RSD, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. Of course so many of us struggle with lots of things and letting ourselves laugh at ourselves as well, I regularly laugh at myself, have humour around it but honour the struggles, give yourself time to reparent yourself, let something emerge in terms of any memory that feels okay to work with.

Recognising again this is a podcast. You’re not a one-to-one client of mine. You need to take responsibility for what you’re choosing to work with. But something that springs to mind, something, any memory that might be painful from childhood from any earlier time in your life and imagining how you could have been held better, how you could have been protected, how you could have, if not protected, then helped to understand the grief, the loss, the trauma, the symptom.

And how the wider world isn’t set up and that’s not your fault and you’re not responsible for the emotional labour involved. Although I hope you enjoyed the I Swear episode, Episode 82 a couple weeks ago.

Recognise that. Feel free to email eve@selfcarecoaching.net if you want to share how you’re being extra gentle with that younger part of yourself. Even acknowledging what you, with 2025 hindsight and all the knowledge you’ve accumulated over the years, would do differently to help younger you. Beginning the healing process there. And there are other tools and techniques obviously.

For the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, accept yourself exactly as you are right now. Befriend that changing body and mind as you learn more and more about yourself. I’m facilitating a workshop at The Yoga Root which you can find out more about at theyogaroot.org on the 15th so there’s still time for you to book for that and it’s going to incorporate yoga, image work, special yoga nidra, EFT tapping, all sorts just helping people, myself included, stop arguing with reality. You often find it with injury or with illness rather than recognising, “OK this is where my body is right now, this is what I need in this moment, this is where my nervous system is right now, this is where my energy, this is where my chi, my prana is right now, this is what I need.” It’s like, “Aghhh, I should be able to ____” and that’s just adding the suffering instead of just recognising pain as part of life, suffering doesn’t have to be as torturous as we often make it.

Ask yourself what it would take for you to befriend your body and mind exactly as you are right now. Your soul? Your heart? What do you need from yourself? How can you accept yourself more fully?

And as we move to the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, how can you connect with others?

I cannot tell you how beneficial it has been for me recognising first of all how many of my loved ones are already neurodivergent and more and more of us discovering that about each other but becoming part of professional and personal groups where we learn from each other. Where we learn about things that work and haven’t worked for us.

Just being able to laugh with each other about some of the horrors as well as support each other through some of the things that other people might not even attempt to pull off because we’re all used to that spiky profile by now. That kind of being really good at some things and terrible at others.

You are also very welcome to apply to join the Sole to Soul Circle and that’s from as little as €8 a month and tomorrow’s special bonus deeper dive content will be an EFT tap along that will help with the RSD, that will help you when you’re rejecting yourself because that’s the most unkind thing.

And it’s World Kindness Day this week so accept yourself. Let yourself heal. Grieve what you didn’t have and be gentle with yourself. Recognise it has been tough, it is tough and it can get easier.

The more you design your life to accommodate yourself, the more you ask for what you need the better. And next week it’s World Vegan Month and next week we’ll be talking a bit more about expressing your needs and wants.

For me, I find eating out still quite challenging but I have found many, many workarounds in terms of both being vegan and anaphylactic allergy to bell peppers which is in so many vegan dishes.

But just noticing in terms again of that acceptance and that sometimes it’s easy to ask for what you need and want, easy to acknowledge you have additional needs, special needs in whatever area and other times it’s that kind of, “Oh I’m being awkward” and I hope that next week’s episode will help you with that.

Thank you for listening, watching, you can find the full transcript and links in the show note wherever you’re listening or at selfcarecoaching.net looking at the blog, the latest blog episode and you can also find out more about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and ways in which you can work with me including joining the Sole to Soul Circle and there are also loads and loads of free resources, libraries around self-care for anxiety, trauma, menopause, sleep, confidence, resilience, finding more purpose, meaning and joy, all sorts so I hope you find that helpful, I hope you find this episode helpful but most of all I really hope you’ll continue even if it doesn’t come easily, even if you’ve had a lifetime of being told that you’re being difficult or too much or not enough or too sensitive that you will get in the habit of giving yourself a hug, even literally a physical hug and like rubbing yourself like you would a toddler or like you would a kitten, you can listen to all the rescue cat related episodes as well, there’ll be links in the show notes but you deserve tenderness, you deserve kindness, you deserve and you deserved more than you had.

Let yourself grieve how life might have been different as you also help heal yourself and turn that into helping to build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved wherever they happen to be born, whoever they happen to be born to, whatever conditions they happen to be born with, whatever they survive, what we’re doing for ourselves, it’s not just self-indulgent, it helps ripple out.

Please share if you think this will be helpful for someone you know or your wider community and if you feel like it and feel free to leave a five-star review or email me with any comments, any feedback and any questions at eve at selfcarecoaching.net and again you can find all those resources at selfcarecoaching.net so being extra gentle with yourself, I look forward to sharing more next week.

Community as Self Care (with Elizabeth Potts)

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Menopause? Perimenopause? Post menopause? A new diagnosis, illness or injury? Any kind of transition? Join me at the Yoga Root on Saturday 15th November at 1pm for a special workshop: Befriending your Changing Body and Mind

Watch here

Hi, I’m Eve Menezes Cunningham, and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

This week we’re talking about why it’s often easier to hold space for others than to let ourselves be held.

I’m joined by Elizabeth Potts, one of my favourite yoga teachers from The Yoga Root in Westport.

We explore what it means to create authentic, nourishing spaces—and how to give ourselves grace when we’re struggling to receive care, even when we desperately need it.

If you’ve ever found yourself crying with gratitude in a yoga class, or wondering why self-care feels so hard when caring for others comes naturally, this conversation is for you.

New episodes every Tuesday morning (Ireland time). Subscribe for notifications. Join the Sole to Soul Circle for deeper dives including bonus interviews, EFT Tap Alongs, yoga poses, breath practices and meditations, journal prompts and more. Is the Feel Better Every Day Podcast helping you? Please share and leave a ★★★★★ rating and review. Your support helps me reach more trauma survivors and people with ADHD or AuDHD. Learning to care for, love and accept yourself is a radical act. Your healing creates ripples and helps others remember peace and ease is everyone’s birthright too. Míle buíochas (a thousand thank yous).

CHAPTERS

(2:40–3:45) Why it’s easier to hold space for others than to be held ourselves

(6:56–8:37) Teaching with authenticity and not performing on the mat

(9:00–10:53) Creativity as self-care through art, pottery, and connection with her daughter

(11:14–13:29) Finding calm and grounding through breath when there’s no bandwidth

(13:38–15:52) The mindful morning coffee ritual as an anchor through transition

(17:35–19:24) The practice of returning to yourself and allowing imperfection

(21:06–24:57) The need for community support and rebuilding the metaphorical village

LINKS

Peace Begins at Home (with Gina Miltiadou): Episode 81 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

FULL TRANSCRIPT

And I was delighted when you did. I remember you made amazing, was it vegan lemon poppy seed cake when I did a workshop there for you? Oh yeah, yeah. And it’s just that I didn’t know you but it just made me feel so again held and welcome, but I think that’s partly why I felt a bit tearful, now I can drive, now I can be there, like enjoy and just the vision, like how integral it is to Westport, how like it’s just so lovely that it’s taken root and it’s really gorgeous.

Yeah, it really is special, it really is special and I think you can really feel, you know, the intention and the love and the work that’s gone into us, you know, and to make you a really authentic space is what it is, you know, if you come to my class or Derrick’s or, you know, our other teachers, all very unique classes, very different styles of teaching, but yeah, all very authentic, very much us, you know, so you would never catch me floating off the mat.

Hi, you’re listening to episode 83 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, and I’m here to help people with trauma, ADHD, AuDHD, take better care of yourselves, create a life you don’t need to retreat from, and help build a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome, and loved, able to thrive.

You can access full show notes, the transcript, links, and loads of other resources through thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and selfcarecoaching.net, and I really hope you enjoy my interview with the delightful Elizabeth Potts.

She’s one of my favourite yoga teachers, and I really look forward to hearing your comments and questions, and what you’re going to do to give yourself as much grace as possible as you build community that is nourishing and supportive for yourself, as well as for others. Enjoy.

Welcome Elizabeth Potts, thank you so much for joining me.

As a little bit of background, today’s episode is kind of like why it’s sometimes so much easier to hold space for others than it is to allow ourselves to be held and cared for, and I know, like, I adore the work I do, and I struggle to relax into other people’s space-holding, trauma, ADHD, all the rest of it, and when I joined The Yoga Root a couple months ago now, I think, because I only learned to drive, so I knew you a little bit, I knew Derrick, but your first class I attended, I nearly wept with gratitude.

Seriously, I cannot tell you just how amazing that space felt, and how I hadn’t realised how much I needed it, I hadn’t, like, and I’ve been just going to as many classes as I can, just absolutely loving it, but I wanted to thank you for being here, and to also ask you to introduce yourself, say what you do, I’ve kind of launched in.

Thank you.

Where can people find you?

Yeah, so I’m teaching out of The Yoga Root almost every day, and yoga teacher slash mother slash all around everything, so I’m busy, but I really love the work that I do, you said you’re really passionate about your work, and what you said is why I really love the work that I do, because it’s a very connected type of work, you know, I’m not just sitting and pushing buttons, or something like that, but I’m actually, you know, feeling like the push and pull between my students, my inner, my inner self, as I’m teaching, as I’m practising, and teaching has become very much a part of my personal yoga practice as well.

The Yoga Root, we’ve been open five years now, and it has been just an amazing space to come into with Derrick and Conor, the owners, and to kind of create this community here that me and Derrick really wanted as teachers previously, who were kind of teaching around at all different places, we really wanted a space that was warm, and ours, and developed, you know, into something that could really nurture people, and so yeah, I feel like we’ve really been able to create that over the years.

Yeah, I remember, so I met Derrick, I covered one of his classes when I first moved to Ireland in 2019, and I was in a studio rental, it was this teeny tiny, like a friend called it a glorified shed, and I had a cupboard, and like not a proper bed, and Rainbow, my cat, was basically, she was so traumatised by the journeys, and all the moves, and the first time I ever met Derrick, he went straight over to my bed to talk to Rainbow, and he was like, I’d mentioned Rainbow to everyone who’d been there, but he was like the first person who made a beeline for her, and it was just like, I remember him saying about wanting to create this space, and being delighted when you did, I remember you made amazing, was it vegan lemon poppy seed cake? When I did a workshop there a few years ago, and it’s just like, I didn’t know you, but it just made me feel so, again, held, and welcomed, but I think that’s partly why I felt a bit tearful, now I can drive, now I can be there, like enjoy classes, and just the vision, like how integral it is to Westport, how like, it’s just so lovely that it’s taken root, and it, yeah, I’m feeling a bit tearful today, it’s really gorgeous.

Yeah, it really is special, it really is special, and I think you can really feel, you know, the intention, and the love, and the work that’s gone into us, you know, into making a really authentic space, is what it is, you know, if you come to my class, or Derrick’s, or you know, our other teachers, all very unique classes, very different styles of teaching, but yeah, all very authentic, very much us, you know, so you would never catch me floating off the mat, I’m definitely, yeah, a real kind of connection person, yeah, so if I’m having a bad day, you know, I like to kind of let people know that, hey, you know, I’m tired too, I’m there with you, you know, and let’s, let’s move, and because I honestly believe that stepping onto your mat, just stepping onto it, is enough action, yeah, to help you through.

Yeah, whatever’s going on, so, and also by not arguing with reality, by acknowledging that you’re tired, rather than trying to perform, right, I mean, you’ve just explained why your classes are, you’re one of my all-time favourite teachers, and it is that kind of, rather than, “I’m going to plough through, I’m going to…” it’s like, yeah, no, everyone is struggling, everyone is suffering, and everyone is joyful, everyone, like, it’s all of it.

It’s well, yeah, we have all the things, yeah, and yeah, being on your mat, doing your practice, you know, like, it’s, it’s meant to be a very personal thing, and so if you’re, you know, feeling like you have to perform, it’s hard to be in your personal space, so, yeah.

In terms of my Feel. Love. Heal. framework, so the Feel bit is the active self-care, when you’ve got the energy, the bandwidth to do something that might help you feel better, regulate your nervous system, whatever that might be, what would be your ideal, and what is realistic with life, hectic life?

I’d be a very creative type of person, you know, so ideally, I would be every day doing some bit of art, yeah, I take watercolour classes from one of my students, I take pottery classes with one of my friends. It’s a really good way of kind of exploring my mind, and my feelings, and stuff like that, through creating something tangible in front of me, so ideally, I’d be doing that all the time.

But of course, child care really comes into play a lot, so creatively, you know, if I can’t go to a class, if I can’t do something like this, journaling, and creating something in front of me that way is very good, watercolour is very good for that as well, because it’s just a small kit, you can just pop open anywhere, you know.

But also, with Ophelia, my daughter, you know, creating things with her, right, so we would bake together, or we really, really like going on little walks, and she makes these little collections, she calls her lections, and we bring back the lections to make art projects, so we would make a little nature scene, or something like that, and it kind of helps me to be in my body and creative while also doing the mommy thing, you know, so yeah, it’s a doable little bit of self-care, you know.

So you have the being held with the yoga student, who’s also your art teacher, or the pottery teacher, and then you’re also sharing that and connecting with your gorgeous daughter, and yeah, that’s, oh, that’s so lovely.

What about when you don’t have the bandwidth? When you, like, I call it Love, and like thinking of the love archetype, so ideal world, when you know you don’t need to do a thing, you’re already whole, you’re already perfect, there’s no need to improve anything, but giving yourself grace when that’s too hard, and you need to do something, like distract, but yeah, that connection with that uppercase Self, that like highest, truest, wisest, most miraculous part of yourself. Would you say anything there?

On like a very small level, when I have no bandwidth, and that could happen a lot, I find like just breath work does a lot for me. Even if, you know, I have a lot going on, I’m stressing out, and I find myself in that moment going, you know, holding my breath, and holding that tension, and everything like that, the simple act of, I like to think it’s just this little reset, going from everything’s falling apart, everything’s falling apart, to being like, OK, stop. Actually, this is what’s going on, you know, it’s kind of a way for me to reset my mind, because I would have struggled a lot in my past with anxiety, and depression.

And it’s easy, especially when that’s kind of in your history, to slip back into those things, you know, it can kind of creep up on you. In my yoga practice, you know, that’s been immensely helpful in that way, because it’s brought me into the space of really noticing small things like my shoulders tensing up my neck getting tight, things like that, where you’re just like, you know, but realise you’re like, Oh, no, this is me taking on this big held breath. Yeah, you know, and in the very small short span of time, that breath out, can actually do a lot to say, I’m OK.

In this moment, I’m OK, it’s OK, you know, and I can take this next step forward. I like to start my mornings, I started doing this, I’m only a single mom this year. So it’s been a huge transition.

And that transition was also kind of in one of the worst ways that could happen. So dealing with, like the emotional fallout of this shocking event in my life, something I just did not expect to happen, but also didn’t expect to, you know, have a daughter in this position either, you know, and so I started just first thing in the morning, setting up Ophelia with her breakfast and whatever else, and, you know, kind of getting her into a little tucked spot.

And then making my coffee and I come sit in my bed. I open the window and I stare at this plant. And at this window. And I just give myself to the end of that cup of coffee.

And I mean, that’s a big goal when you have a five year old. A whole cup of coffee. Yeah. But I give myself, I’m going to drink my cup of coffee, even if I wake up late.

Yeah. Even if I haven’t slept all night, and really, I could sleep 10 more minutes or whatever, it’s become such an important, important part of my routine to sit and mindfully drink my cup of coffee. And I say mindfully, as in I’m not scrolling my phone. I’m not planning my day. I’m noticing the things that are popping up in my head, and then practising not judging myself for that. Yeah, because it will pop up, you only have 20 minutes to do you only and you need to get it ready and you need to get out the door and you need to plan your class and you’d sit, you know, and noticing all that bubbling up.

And then I’m just drinking my coffee. I’m just looking at the leaves. I’m just looking out the window.

You know, it’s been an incredibly powerful, small practice in my life, to the point where I cannot start my day without it. It’s so important to me. It’s fantastic.

That is so lovely. And I also really appreciate you sharing the struggle with it. Like I imagine it’s again, like when you’re teaching yoga, and everyone looks so serene, but you also know from your own practice, that serene people can be feeling really struggly underneath.

Yes. Yes. I noticed like with the classes, because I hadn’t been to classes for so long. And also now knowing I have autism and ADHD and the sensory issues that I just didn’t understand, as well as the trauma.

When I started going to classes in London, and I did my training in London, and there’d be like someone’s foot in your nose, and I’d just be like, and I just thought like, why am I so sensitive? What’s wrong with me? And like, it would be an empty class, and someone would come right next to me.

Whereas training in trauma-informed yoga, doing all the things, all the work I’ve done over the decades, but then in these classes recently, putting on my eye mask and lying down before the class begins. And I never have dreamed of doing that. And I’ll always be on one of the edges. But it’s like, sometimes it’s like, I’m just telling myself, “It’s OK, Evie Cat, you’re safe. It’s OK.”

It’s like, it’s such a gorgeous, safe, nourishing, phenomenal space. And I’m still at nearly 50, having to talk so gently to myself, because it’s like you have those moments of complete ease and connection and peace, and then the fear or the rush or the whatever it is. And I think people don’t understand that about meditation or about anything like that. It’s the practice, the constantly bringing yourself back. Absolutely, it is exactly that.

That’s why you call it a practice. Yeah, it’s always a practice. It’s never a mastery of, you know, because, I mean, this is something that I’ve worked for years and years and years and years to be able to come into a chaotic situation and read myself, simply read myself, has taken so many years.

And it’s very normal for students to step into the room. And we come in with expectations, you know, on ourselves, expecting what other people are going to think as I move expecting what the teacher is going to think when she watches me, you know, and the same with the teacher, you know, looking out, and you come in with these expectations of what people are going to want out of this class. And that took years to say, this is what I offer.

This is what it is. And that’s OK. And that’s enough.

And that’s worthwhile. Yeah, you know, and the same as the student coming in putting on your eye mask, that is enough. And that is worthwhile.

That is an offering as much to yourself as it is to the teacher and the other people around you because you are taking your practice personally. And that is the very core of what we’re trying to practice is taking care of ourselves so that our stability, wellness, realness can reverberate out. Yeah, you know, to the bigger Self.

Yeah. Yeah. And I’m also thinking you’re talking about that coffee being so important.

And little Ophelia is well trained in terms of letting mommy drink her coffee in peace?

Definitely not. She comes in 150 times.

And I and I’m like, “Ophelia, thank you so much for telling me that you know what, I’m just gonna finish my coffee. And then I’m gonna come out to you or whatever...” And a lot of times that’s her rolling in my lap.

And I felt like if she comes and she wants to play and be on me, I will set my coffee aside. And I will focus on this in the moment right here. And then say, OK, why don’t you go brush your teeth? I’m gonna finish my coffee, you know, and really, really just making that effort to try just to try and I mean, most mornings, I don’t get my entire cup of coffee, but I do get, you know, the mental entire cup of coffee.

Because even if I get two minutes, yeah, I’m gonna look, I’m gonna look out that window, I’m gonna sit this and feel the hot coffee on my tongue. Yeah, and know that I’m starting to stay. OK, I’m OK in this moment.

And it would be like, I mean, what you’re doing there, they’re not arguing with reality. They’re like, Hello, I’m gonna rather than I’m going to stay completely focused on my coffee.

And you’re like, it makes it all punitive. Exactly. You’re missing the whole point.

You’ve mentioned like the pottery classes, the art classes, obviously, the community at The Yoga Root, in terms of the Heal element of my framework, that kind of post traumatic growth, the co-regulation, the collective care, what helps you and what would you like others to know or consider?

It helps me a lot, talking to other people, I’m not a very private person, you know, I think, you know, I’ve always really liked working through problems with others, you know, I’m very community driven.

I have, you know, friends, or, you know, I might call home, you know, I talk a lot to my mom, who is retired now, and she has like, the time for me, you know, to go through my little thoughts, but I do like to kind of pick apart. But what I crave, what I feel is missing a lot here is like that village feel, mm hmm. You know, and it’s, and it’s not like Ireland and Westport, it’s our society in 2025. You know, we’re very focused on our own lives, our own stuff, our own things. And it’s like, we kind of...

Love Yourself. Warts and All. I Swear Inspired Episode

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Inspired by the stunning film “I Swear” about living with Tourette’s, this episode explores why self-compassion is so difficult, especially with trauma, ADHD and AuDHD (autism and ADHD). Discover how acceptance and love can transform shame into advocacy, and learn practical ways to be gentler with yourself.

Using my Feel. Love. Heal framework, I (trauma therapist, ADHDer, only recently recognised AuDHDer - brand new emotional rollercoaster - senior accredited supervisor, Self care coach, author and columnist, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share some self-care ideas the film inspired. You deserve the same compassion you give others.

Is the Feel Better Every Day Podcast helping you? Please leave a ***** rating and review for this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed. Your sharing, subscribing, feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and ADHD or AuDHD (autism and ADHD). You learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you – it creates a ripple effect and helps others. My ultimate dream, in a world in which SO much is coming up for healing and so many people are unsafe, is to do my part to help as many people as possible heal from trauma. To help create a world in which everyone everywhere feels safe, welcome and loved - able to thrive.

CHAPTERS

0:00 Why it’s so hard to have compassion for ourselves

1:10 Understanding ourselves through trauma and neurodivergence

5:11 Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework

10:25 Learning to help ourselves heal

14:18 Creating a world where everyone feels safe and loved

18:22 Healing through connection and community

21:11 The ripple effect of healing and hope

RESOURCES

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Episode 48 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Be More Cat: Episode 70 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks: Episode 71 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2023/08/07/cattitude-familiars-and-polyvagal-theory/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2022/10/19/cattitude-life-lessons-from-my-first-9-years-on-earth/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/feline/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2021/02/17/bring-more-cattitude-to-the-way-you-move/

https://selfcarecoaching.net/2019/09/30/cat-coaching-for-self-care-3-cattitude/

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Why is it so hard to have the kind of compassion and empathy and understanding we so often find so easy to direct towards anyone else, towards ourselves, especially with trauma histories, with ADHD, with ADHD, with autism? Why?

This episode, 82 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast is inspired by the phenomenal film I Swear, based on John Davidson’s memoir about living with Tourette’s and becoming an advocate. I hope you enjoy it.

Hi, you’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I’m your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m a trauma therapist, trauma survivor, ADHDer. Now I’ve heard about the AuDHD, learning more about the autism, that the ADHD medication, it’s a learning curve. It’s a lot. And it’s also helpful, the more we understand ourselves, the better.

I’m a self-care coach, senior accredited supervisor, author, columnist, you can access more information about the Sole to Soul Circle, the book, full show notes and transcripts and links at selfcarecoaching.net and also thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts.

I release new episodes every Tuesday, helping people with trauma, ADHD and AuDHD, take better care of yourself, create a life you don’t need to retreat from and help create a world in which everyone feels safe, welcome and loved, able to thrive.

And again, back to this amazing film, it’s just so phenomenal. I recognised an enormous, so sorry, I’ve just skipped ahead an enormous amount. I Swear, I’m recording it, it’s out in cinemas at the moment in Ireland. It might be out on one of the streaming services or still in the cinema by the time you see this in a few weeks. His memoir is available, John Davidson.

I sobbed, I howled with laughter, I was shouting at the TV, not the TV, the big screen. It was amazing. I had to leave the cinema at one point and I wanted to leave at other points with the brutality of what he was having to deal with.

And the film shows this young, confident football enthusiast lad starting high school and then developing Tourette’s. So you see him go from confident and like asking a girl out on his first day of school and being like told that a scout is going to watch the football game and then he begins to develop the tics and the outbursts.

I recognised a lot of the impulsivity and self-loathing and also the enormous potential for healing through compassion. But seeing it on the big screen, so visible, so desperate to just give him an enormous hug and move him away from all that pain, that kind of wishing that everyone could see this film and have more compassion for themselves and the differences they struggle with, whether to do with Tourette’s or any kind of physical or mental condition or emotional or any kind of difference.

Like you think about the way people are othering immigrants, refugees, people from other backgrounds, all sorts of gender. It’s incredible how this young man was able to turn so much pain into advocacy for so many people who needed that support and that understanding.

And through doing that, he found more for himself. It’s beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I wasn’t the only one sobbing in the cinema. And I think it’s, I can’t remember the last time a film ended and everyone just sat there. And one of the people I’ve been telling, watch this film, said, now when you do the podcast, don’t give the ending away, don’t give too much away. So I’m going to try and avoid spoilers.

But it’s based on his true story. We know he survives. We know he wrote a memoir.

We know he told the Queen to fuck off when he got to meet the Queen. They’re not spoilers. They’re all from the very beginning.

Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework to move through some of the lessons from, I Swear, this gorgeous, gorgeous film. The Feel element of the framework I developed, it’s very much about the active self-care when you have the bandwidth to do things, to help yourself regulate, to help yourself feel better. And he got to the stage where he was able to research Tourette’s as someone with the lived condition.

But it took a long time for him to get there because unfortunately, when the symptoms appeared, his parents were not in a place where they could support him. Instead, they contributed to the shame and the pain and the horror of his young life, which he tried to end at a very early age. And luckily, he survived.

And also, very luckily, when he was a bit older, he meets the friend’s mother, an old school friend’s mother, who they all think is dying and she has six months to live. He kind of has an outburst saying something like, “Ha ha, you’re going to die!” something deeply inappropriate.

It was laugh out loud. It was so funny in parts, and so horrendous, and so relatable in so many ways, because all of us have shame, have fear, have embarrassment, have things we worry about being too much, saying too much, moving weirdly, all sorts of things. He had no control over it. And he learned to live with it.

He learned to advocate for others. But that was through his friend’s mother being the first person really to see him and to accept him and to help him begin to understand himself and come off the horrendous medication and work with life, stop arguing with reality, like kind of they all made mistakes, like everyone’s human. But her attitude, so accepting, so loving, it kind of takes me then to the love element of the framework.

But she was active. It was very active, her inviting this stranger into her home, telling her husband and her son, who was his friend, that she had invited him to stay. She recognised that things were tough for him at his home.

And her argument for doing so much to help him was she only had six months to live. He begins to find acceptance through, for the first time in his life, being accepted, being told to not apologise for anything he can’t help. And he’s had a lifetime of brutal, brutal punishments for things he can’t help, which, of course, we know would trigger a stress response, which would make it much more likely that these outbursts, that these tics would become more amplified, because he’s then terrified.

He’s in a sympathetic survival response, “Hiss!” in terms of the Cattitude [Polyvagal Purrs] way of explaining polyvagal theory. You can find links to the episodes around that in the show notes. It’s so obvious that, had the grown-ups, even not understanding about Tourette’s, just having a bit more care and compassion for a young boy in pain, how different his life could have been, and how he’s able to recognise that he might not have done any differently if he’d been in one of the different positions.

I’m a little bit all over the place. I’ve been so excited about sharing this film recommendation, because it is so beautiful. But my encouragement for you, whatever you’re facing, whatever you’re struggling to accept in yourself, research.

When I was first diagnosed with endometriosis when I was in my 20s, I had daily pain, and I’d had endless hospital appointments and intrusive tests, and they triggered flashbacks from childhood and trauma, blah, blah, blah. It was horrific. But I remember seeing a picture of what happened with endometriosis, like the cells. I remember actually throwing up. I was utterly repulsed by what was going on in my body. Having surgery, but that not working, like being told I’d have to have surgery every couple of years, having that chronic pain for so long, but being determined that I was going to, like I started yoga because certain poses helped.

I trained as a crystal therapist because they helped, and where hospital prescribed painkillers didn’t. I’m a huge fan of modern medicine, but I had to learn to help myself. So I really identified with that part of John’s journey, where he gets a job and his boss tells him that he needs to educate the police, he needs to educate the teachers, he needs to educate the public to help them understand.

I wanted to scream, why does HE have to do the emotional labour? Why can’t people be kinder? Why can’t people just be more understanding and nicer?

While also accepting I would probably have moved away from him on a crowded train, given a chance, because I’d have probably been scared!

I understand more about it now. I hope now I may be putting my loopy earplugs, but smile, or it’s just there are so many opportunities all of us have every day, where we can show that little bit more compassion to someone and to ourselves.

Moving to that Love part of the framework, the acceptance that you are part of the divine, you’re part of nature, there’s no need to improve anything, there’s no need to change anything. But sometimes love and acceptance can be the hardest thing in the world, when you’ve not been raised with love and acceptance, when you’ve been criticised, when you’ve, he was forced to face the fireplace, because he couldn’t help spitting when he ate, and the outbursts at dinner. And like, oh, so many, so many, so many things.

And self-love, self-acceptance is hard. I’m a little bit embarrassed sharing this. But the last time I had a verruca, I was repulsed, just like with the picture of the endometriosis.

With that, I put crystals around a big crystal to just help me send some love, some compassion to the ovaries, to the areas impacted by the endometriosis. I couldn’t look at something like the pictures, the microscopic amplified but I knew that that wasn’t going to help with the pain. I knew it was just going to make everything worse.

I had to learn to accept it and love it in order to transform it, in order to help heal myself. The last time I had a verruca, I did my best every day when applying the treatment to send it love, to say to myself, and this was like not 100 years ago, I’ve been doing this work for a long, long time. But I was saying to myself, “I love myself, warts and all.” And “Ewwww.”

It’s holding the part of me that goes, oh, that’s gross. And also, yeah, I am way more loving, way less self loathing towards myself than I used to be. It’s a practice.

Ask yourself, what would you do in any given situation if you loved yourself more? Like what would a person who did love themselves do in a situation you might be in? Love is transformative. It is so powerful.

This woman, Dottie, his friend’s mum, she changed his life and she changed the world by changing his life, by having compassion for a complete stranger.

And that brings us to the Heal part of the framework. Dottie got him a job. He got the job, but Dottie helped open the doors. Tommy, his boss, was really understanding with the elements he couldn’t control. And he was a hard worker. He was reliable. He did amazing things, but so many people wouldn’t give him a chance before. So many people just judged and punished and hurt. And it was just horrendous.

And just thinking, I would love to live in a world in which everyone was safe, welcome, loved and able to thrive. Like all of us are mammals. All of us have a nervous system that is wired to thrive when we’re safe, welcome and loved. And yet we keep hurting each other. We keep perpetuating trauma. We keep hurting ourselves when we’ve been traumatised.

We’ve learned at some level that it’s safer to hurt ourselves to hopefully avoid pain from outside. But we can all do our part to heal that, to move towards post-traumatic growth with ADHD, with ADHD, with autism, with any kind of neurodivergence, with any kind of difference, to embrace it as much as you can, to love it as much as you can. Speak up when other people are hurting other people.

One of the hardest scenes for me, I don’t think I’m giving anything away. I don’t think it’s too big a spoiler, but it was when he was at school and there was a fight in the playground and most of the school was out yelling, “Fight, fight, fight.” I remembered one of the many schools I went to and every time that would happen there, I would kind of go in the opposite direction, trying to find somewhere quiet and like just feeling despair for the state of humanity that two people or more were having some sort of physical altercation.

And rather than being helped to resolve it, most people were encouraging the violence. And I still find that really hard now. And now I understand more about my brain, more about myself. I can be gentler with myself around it.

But where you are able to speak out against any kind of bullying, any kind of othering and including the bullying parts of yourself, the things that you’ve grown up criticising, being really harsh to yourself around, catch yourself and find that bully part of yourself as well as that bullied part of yourself and just send them as much love as you can. Think of what you could potentially do.

Mentally scan your life, the people you know. I’m not suggesting you take someone you barely know in off the street and pretty much adopt them as a young man and help them transform their lives. But think of how we do heal, we co-regulate in order to heal.

We’re mammals, we need each other and we need to feel safe with each other. How can you make yourself feel safer? How can you help yourself feel safer? And how can you help someone else or a group of other people feel safer?

I again don’t want to be giving spoilers, but I don’t think it’s a spoiler to say, who am I kidding, it probably is a spoiler. He brings together a group of people with Tourette’s at a certain point in the film and most of them have never met anyone else with Tourette’s. They’re very isolated.

We’re now in 2025. Through the internet, I know I’ve learnt so much about ADHD online, I’ve learnt so much about ADHD, autism, trauma recovery, like I began that part of my healing journey before the internet was so kind of big, so kind of used. A lot of that was through books and trainings and things like that. But we have the internet now, which is a wonderful, wonderful tool when used in a way that you choose and curated carefully and moving towards what is nourishing and supportive. Find people who you can help and who can help you build your communities, join your communities.

In the Sole to Soul Circle this week, members tomorrow will be getting a special compassionate body scan, which I hope will be nourishing and delicious for you. You can join via selfcarecoaching.net.

Next week, it’s a gorgeous interview I’ve done with one of my favourite yoga teachers, Elizabeth Potts, at the Yoga Root here in Westport.

I’m really looking forward to sharing that with you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching.

You can find full transcripts and show notes and links and more at the blog selfcarecoaching.net and also at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. If this was helpful, please leave a five-star review. In a world in which so much is endlessly coming up for healing, I really want to reach as many people as possible with these episodes, with my work, to help as many people who are feeling unsafe to feel safer, to feel able to heal from trauma, to befriend their ADHD AuDHD brains, to help build a world where everyone feels safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive and to create lives that they don’t need to retreat from, to feel better every day. With trauma histories, with ADHD, with AuDHD, it can be challenging where there has been so much punishment, getting things wrong.

Growing up, they say 20,000 times more criticised than a neurotypical child. The trauma of living in a world that isn’t built to support you, it takes a lot to connect with the parts that aren’t what they call superpowers, the more special needs elements, the sensory issues, the inability to function in certain situations, to overreact, to have meltdowns, all these things that are so painful. And those parts of you deserve love, they deserve care, they deserve acceptance, and you creating, designing a life you don’t need to retreat from, that is then going to have a ripple effect as you feel better, as you learn to take better care of yourself, it’s going to have a ripple effect on the world around you, contributing to a world in which others feel safer, more welcome, loved, able to thrive, and potentially I’m nearly 50 and I haven’t given up on the idea of world peace.

Míle buíochas, a thousand thank yous, this episode, like all of them, was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham.

Be really, really gentle with yourself, if you haven’t seen the film, and if you’re anything like me, if you tend to cry in films, if you do get very engrossed and forget that it’s on a screen and not actually happening, although it was his...

Peace Begins at Home (with Gina Miltiadou)

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Am so delighted to welcome the Peace Begins at Home Summit Director, Gina Miltiadou, for Episode 81 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Access full transcripts, links, show notes, and other resources at http://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

The inaugural Peace Begins at Home Summit will take place on Wednesday, 29th October 2025 (and you can listen to the recordings for 30 days so don’t worry if you can’t make that day).

At a time of rising authoritarianism, climate crisis, and lost hope, the Summit combines lived testimony, research, and practical solutions to reclaim a culture of partnership.

Produced by the Center for Partnership Systems (CPS) and inspired by cultural historian Dr. Riane Eisler’s Partnership vs. Domination framework, the Summit reframes peace not as a distant ideal but as a systems challenge that begins where we live, love, and raise each other: In the home. Confirmed speakers include 26 leaders from 17 countries, among them:

Dr. Riane Eisler – Holocaust survivor, cultural historian, systems scientist, and author of The Chalice and the Blade
Ambassador Anwarul K. Chowdhury – Former UN Under-Secretary-General and champion of the culture of peace
Dr. Richard Davidson – World-renowned neuroscientist and TIME 100 honoree
Ela Gandhi – Global peace activist, women’s rights advocate and granddaughter of Mahatma Gandhi
Gary Barker & Jackson Katz – International pioneers in reshaping masculinity
Angela Sterritt – Award-winning investigative journalist and author, serving as MC

Find out more and book at www.peacebeginsathomesummit.org

CHAPTERS

0:00 Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the state of the world

2:08 Introducing Gina Miltiadou and the Peace Begins at Home Summit

2:53 The ripple effect of early trauma

4:10 Self-care when you’re near the finish line

5:41 Purpose as a form of self-care

7:07 Interconnectedness and hope

8:15 Dr. Riane Eisler’s domination to partnership framework

15:19 Peace begins at home

17:30 Turning pain into purpose

20:05 Stories of healing and collective care

25:16 Peace is personal

Thanks for watching. New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode. Sole to Soul Circle members get an exclusive deeper dive each week.

Is the Feel Better Every Day Podcast helping you? Please leave a ***** rating and review for this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed. Your subscribing, feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD. You learning to take better care of yourself isn’t just good for you – it creates a ripple effect and helps others. My ultimate dream, in a world in which SO much is coming up for healing and so many people are unsafe, is to do my part to help as many people as possible heal from trauma. To help create a world in which everyone everywhere feels safe, welcome and loved - able to thrive.

CHAPTERS

0:00 Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the state of the world

2:08 Introducing Gina Miltiadou and the Peace Begins at Home Summit

2:53 The ripple effect of early trauma

4:10 Self-care when you’re near the finish line

5:41 Purpose as a form of self-care 7:07 Interconnectedness and hope

8:15 Dr. Riane Eisler’s domination to partnership framework

15:19 Peace begins at home

17:30 Turning pain into purpose

20:05 Stories of healing and collective care

25:16 Peace is personal

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and despairing at repeated patterns of horror endlessly perpetuated by humans, as if we never learn from the past? This episode’s for you. Feel Better Every Day. No, seriously.

It’s easy to feel helpless and hopeless, to go into that dorsal vagal “Freeze!” response. To feel completely overwhelmed, disconnected. Today’s guest has some hope and inspiration for you. Episode 81, I’m delighted to welcome you to Gina Miltiadou. She is the director of the Peace Begins at Home Summit. I’ll be sharing our interview together.

Welcome! You’re listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast (in spite of that gloomy intro). And I hope that you will find it helpful. Each Tuesday, I share new episodes, and they’re designed to help you work with the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed.

Today’s episode is very much in that Heal part, the collective care element, the co-regulation, the systemic elements of we’re all connected. The better we take care of ourselves and each other, the better for everyone.

You can find out more about the book, the podcast and older episodes and other free resources around trauma, ADHD, anxiety, sleep, menopause, being a solopreneur, all sorts of things, as well as ways in which we might work together, upcoming events, all of that at selfcarecoaching.net or the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

For now, welcome, welcome, welcome to this special episode, which I hope will inspire you.

So welcome, Gina. Thank you so much for joining me. And do you want to say a little bit about the summit and what you’re doing?

Yes, of course. Well, firstly, thank you so much for having me. It’s wonderful to have a chance to talk about this. But yes, I’m organising a global summit, which is happening on the 29th of October. And it is inspired by Dr. Riane Eisler’s work, which I’m sure we’ll talk more about later.

But what it is doing, it’s gathering 26 speakers from 17 different countries around the world. And essentially, we’re examining how early trauma or care experienced in the home ripples out into society and all the systems that we live in. So that’s my current project.

I love that so much. My membership is called the Sole to Soul Circle, like the soles of the feet to the soul. But it used to be called Personal Peace, because it was very much about the more where, OK, whether we’ve been raised in that caring environment, or whether we’ve healed that trauma, that then ripples out the intergenerational healing, all of it.

That’s exactly it. Wonderful.

I’m going to include a link in the show notes, but your summit takes place, this is going to go out on Tuesday.

It’s going to be tomorrow, as far as people watching are concerned.

It’s on the 29th of October. It’s the week after next.

I got the dates wrong! I was like, quick, quick, I really want to include it. Oh, that’s okay.

Yeah. Okay, so that’s fantastic. People have even more time to sort it out.

Exactly, exactly. And the best place to register is just go to peacebeginsathomesummit.org and they can register online.

So brilliant. And there’ll be a link in the show notes. Great. So you are very, very busy at the moment. Really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. How is your self care in terms of the feel part of my Feel. Love. Heal. framework? The kind of active self-care? What are your essential daily practices that you rely on or don’t have time for at the moment?

Oh, goodness. Eve, I do not want to lie to you. I am 10 days away from the summit so my self-care is kind of non-existent at the moment. It is about just getting to the finish line at the moment. This has been a project that has been in the making for the whole year. And it’s wonderful that we’re kind of reaching the finish line. But you know, part of it is, just being gentle with myself and giving myself permission to almost not self-care, not guilting myself into, oh my God, I really should be minding myself better. I know that, but I actually just do not have the time. So I think it’s also just loving myself enough to kind of go, you know what, that’s okay. This is a season. It’s 10 days to go. You’re not getting as much sleep as you need. You’re not eating as well as you can, but that’s what needs to happen right now.

So it’s the odd thing. I think getting outside and getting fresh air when I can has made a massive difference. Even just the little things like taking the dog for a walk or just watching a really stupid, mindless piece on Netflix has really helped as well.

And I’m not going to lie, you know, chocolate and wine has also helped.

Excellent. And I’m also thinking what you’re doing because it’s so meaningful. It’s different to if you were in a job you hated and the grind and like this just, we’ve only just met, but the purpose is a part of self care and like giving yourself grace.

That’s gorgeous. Exactly.

Exactly. And I think that’s the thing is because this has been so purpose led, it’s actually been easy to do. I mean, even though I really am exhausted, but I’m also so psyched about it and I’m so buzzed about it.

And I think, you know, just meeting all of the different speakers and hearing their stories and just the, I suppose, the feeling that this is really going to make a difference at a time when people need it so, so badly. People want hope so badly is enough to keep me going because it’s just bigger than all of us. Yeah.

That leads us beautifully into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed. Love. You don’t need to do a thing. You are already part of nature, part of the divine. You don’t need to be endlessly improving yourself and giving yourself grace, but also that sense of being part of something bigger, looking up at a mountain or being in the ocean or whatever it might be. And I wondered, would you like to say anything about some of the speakers?

Yes, absolutely. And I think you’ve touched on something so beautiful and important there, the fact that we are all interconnected. And I think if people just realised that they would feel less lonely, they would feel that they could make a difference that every tiny little action does ripple out into the world. Because often we feel so helpless, you know, and we’re not, you know, even a tiny little thing can, can ripple out.

I think, you know, one of the, one of the key foundations of the summit was, so with Dr. Riane Eisler, she’s an incredible woman. She is a Holocaust survivor. She’s 94, which is incredible and still doing keynotes, which just blows my mind. If I could be a fraction as spry as she is, but you know, even when I’m 80, I’d be doing well.

But her whole thing, so she’s a systems scientist, she’s a cultural historian. She has consulted to the WHO, the UN, the World Economic Forum, etc. And she has spent her life developing this Domination to Partnership framework. And one of the things that she really wanted to do (I sit on her board as well), at the end of last year, she said, “Look, you know, it’s no surprise I’m running out of time here. I really want kind of like a last hurrah. And one of the things is, I want to connect the dots. I want to help people connect the dots between that early childhood kind of domination and what we’re seeing in the world today.”

I suppose that speaks to that interconnectedness as well, and just helping people realise that they are part of something bigger. All of the speakers have been, you know, I’ve curated the program very, very carefully and very consciously in terms of what are all of the systems that that early kind of childhood experience ripples out into. It’s everything. It’s from, you know, economy, economics, to story and narrative, to gender relations, to how we treat our children, to all of that.

So I’ve chosen experts in all of those fields from around the world to speak to that interconnectedness, to joining those dots in the areas of expertise. So I hope that answers your question.

And I saw Richard Davidson is on. Oh, he’s amazing. I remember studying him as part of my trauma-informed yoga therapy training years ago. So I can’t wait to see that one. But all of them sound brilliant. And I’m also struck as you’re talking, I remember years and years ago reading Gloria Steinem’s Revolution from Within. Yes. She talked about a Holocaust survivor who was then guarding a Nazi prisoner. And he was filled with hate, because of what the Nazis had done. And after a few days of guarding, watching this man who had been part of such atrocities, this man asked if he could go to the toilet.

And the Holocaust survivor realised that he had been so disconnected from his body, from childhood, from like toilet training techniques that were popular at that time. And that had helped enable the rise of fascism. It wasn’t just Hitler. It wasn’t just one person. And thinking about what’s happening in the world at the moment and how we know better, we’ve seen this before. And yet, children, babies still being dominated, like you say, like rather than nurtured, cared, respected.

You have hit the nail on the head. And that is the entire thing that this is about. It is about that, you know, when a child. I’ll actually preface it by saying that two out of three children in the world experience violence in their life. Two out of three.

Most of my practice is with survivors. But I only work with adult survivors. Only people who have survived childhoods I work with.

But the point is, right, so when a child, so bearing that statistic in mind, so when a child learns domination or sees domination in their home, they learn very early and powerful lessons about how to control others around them. Yeah. And now this is, you know, that doesn’t happen to all survivors of trauma. Of course, you know, they don’t, it’s not automatic that everybody goes into dysfunction, but you know, a lot of people then struggle with, “OK, how do I control what is around me?” And what they’ve been taught in the early foundational years is that you need domination to control that.

And that ripples out into everything. To the way that people vote. That’s why we see the rise of authoritarianism as we do to our nature being in peril, because it is man’s domination over nature that has put us in the situation we’re in. That early domination, you know, you cannot underestimate that that is the most foundational lesson that a child can learn. That is the ultimate answer to peace. Yeah. You know, because peace isn’t just the absence of war. No. It’s not the period in between wars. You know, it is our natural default position, but we’ve almost lost our birthright to peace.

Absolutely. It’s like with the Polyvagal Informed approach, I work a lot with Polyvagal Theory. I use the cats, the rescue cats to illustrate it for people to make it more accessible [selfcarecoaching.net/feline]. But you’ve got the ventral vagal is the most recent, the highest part of the vagus, the, I call it “Purr!”, when you feel safe, it’s that science of safety and connection. So you’re able, there’s that kind of both and mindset. Yes. Both and, yeah, rather than either or. And you’re kind of co-regulating. It’s the collective care, the collaboration, the creativity, the play, the abundance, the all good things. And that is our natural state. That’s what we were wired for.

But then so much of modern life puts us into, I call it “Hiss!”, but like sympathetic survival, that disconnection, that fear-based othering people, or dorsal vagal, the “Freeze”, the collapse, overwhelm. The, “What’s the point? Can’t do anything.” But I keep thinking like if every baby, if every child, if every adult on the planet was safe, welcome and loved, they would be able to thrive. All the problems of the world could be solved by nurturing and nourishing and ensuring safety and shelter and water and love. And it has to start in the home.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I totally agree with you. And the thing is so much of it is about denial, you know, for babies and children to survive their childhoods that are traumatic.

They have to deny that this is happening to them by people who are closest and dearest to them. And that leads to a scarcity mindset, a denial mindset. So then you get things like denial of reality, denial of election results, denial of all of that.

Exactly. So, you know, you could just see how it’s just dominoes, you know, how it affects and it just has to start in the home. And that’s why, you know, when I came up with the name of the summit, Peace Begins at Home. I just think it so perfectly sums that up because it does connect it all, you know?

Yeah. Well, that is wonderful. And I’d love to hear, like, you said that your self-care has gone out the window, but I’m imagining, like we touched on it earlier, but with the collective care element, the Heal part of my framework, because the Heal part, it’s, I work a lot with trauma survivors and ADHDers, and that sense of justice sensitivity and the desire to break trauma cycles and, like, help heal things to make things safer for future generations and current generations. The idea of turning what hurts people’s hearts into action. At different stages, you might be able to do the active self-care (Feel), you might be able to get yourself to walk or whatever it might be. Or it might be that you have no bandwidth for that, but you are able to give yourself some grace (Love). Or it might be that that’s impossible.

But even the idea of a future version of yourself feeling OK enough to begin to help use your pain to guide others or to ease in some way, but sorry, that’s a really convoluted way of describing it. But I’m thinking, I’m imagining that you’re liaising with all of these amazing speakers that is helping you with your co-regulation, helping you feel more hopeful about 2025 and beyond. And I might be putting words in your mouth, I don’t mean to be doing that. But I wondered, is that the case? Or what does help you turn the pain into hope?

Yeah, I mean, it’s a funny thing, this project started because I was kind of entering a year of yes. OK, so I had sold a part of my business, and I was like, what is next? Right. And when I met Dr. Eisler, it was funny, I met her at a webinar, and she kind of dropped into our breakout room by accident, when she was meant to be kind of like my speaker break. And we got chatting. And she said, Listen, will you help me? I, you know, I, you know, I just, she said what you do. And anyway, she said, Look, can you reach out? I’ve got this project that I want to do.

And can you help me? And I was like, and I had decided that last year was my Year of Yes. So I was like, yes, absolutely. That’s fine.

Anyway, and so it went on. And I have followed the yeses throughout this whole project. It has been I have done many, many projects in my time.

And with this one, I think what has really helped is that I was very conscious of just following my instinct. You know, and when a speaker didn’t feel right, I didn’t pursue it. When something didn’t, you know, it was just like, I kind of really have tapped in to what is needed now.

And have just kind of asked, I’ve kind of gone, “OK, Spirit, God, Mother Earth, Gaia, you know, just use me for the greater good, you know, and I have just followed wherever that has taken me.” And to be honest, I think that has saved me, because I am a team of one.

Yeah, wow.

I’ve had a few. Yes. Yes. I have had a wonderful volunteer who’s...

Own Your Privilege, Change the World

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Stop feeling guilty. Start making a difference.

In Own Your Privilege, Change the World: Episode 80 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, I (trauma therapist, senior accredited supervisor, Self care coach, author, ADHDer etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) explore why owning your privilege (rather than apologising for it) can support sustainable activism.

Learn how guilt disempowers you while self-care and honest acknowledgment of your advantages can fuel meaningful change. Discover why thriving isn’t selfish, it’s necessary for the resistance.

Everyone deserves to feel safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive and the more you do to empower yourself, the more you can do to help others. So forgive yourself for injustices you have no part in and then speak up to do what you can to fix what’s happening now.

THE FEEL BETTER EVERY DAY PODCAST

Learn from the Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) and self-care practices the professionals depend on. With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas through the lens of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you:

• Feel. Regulate your nervous system, work with your energy and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love. Accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal. Collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large (and to coregulate and accept support from others)

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Prioritising your personal priorities

(1:14) Your suffering helps no one

(2:50) Acknowledging privilege

(10:59) Forgive yourself and do better

(15:30) Do more of what helps you feel good

(18:11) Finding balance through compassion and action

(20:56) Ho’oponopono and Metta meditation

RESOURCES: https://ejeancarroll.substack.com/p/grab-him-by-the-wallet

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• All the free resources (for trauma, ADHD, menopause, solopreneurs, anxiety, sleep, confidence, resilience, finding purpose, meaning and joy and more) across my platforms and the library of self-care ideas and practices at https://selfcarecoaching.net

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

• Find out more about my private practice for one to one work. If you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision).

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say “Hi” and share your questions or comments: YouTube @evemenezescunningham Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay TikTok @evemenezescunningham Substack @evemc Bluesky @eveimc

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice. Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

Less is More: The gentler approach works SO much better for trauma and ADHD

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 07:00:00 +0100

And you can find out more by booking your spot, from as little as £25, for Online Events’ Living and Working with Neurodivergence conference where I’ll be presenting on Cattitude: A Polyvagal Informed Approach to Self Care for ADHD and Trauma – selfcarecoaching.net has a link to book tickets)

I was able to own that part of myself that wants to do it all in one go. I can say, “Oh that’s so sweet! So delusional! Let’s not do that this time! Let’s be gentler!”

Struggling with the overdoing-overwhelm-collapse cycle?

In this episode, I (trauma-informed therapist, Self care, ADHDer, senior accredited supervisor etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share a lawn mowing lesson that changed how I approach tasks.

Learn how doing less can actually help you accomplish more. This, like all episodes, takes you through my unique holistic Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you bring more gentleness and ease into your daily life while getting more done. More smoothly, easily and effectively.

Perfect for anyone who tends to go full speed ahead and then crash.

THE FEEL BETTER EVERY DAY PODCAST

Learn from the Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) and self-care practices the professionals depend on.

With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas through the lens of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you:

• Feel: Regulate your nervous system, work with your energy and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love: Accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal: Collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large (and to coregulate and accept support from others)

If you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your subscribing, feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

CHAPTERS

(0:02) Introduction: overdoing and overwhelm

(0:45) Using the Feel. Love. Heal. framework

(1:44) The lawn mowing lesson: less is more

(3:52) Applying gentleness beyond the lawn

(4:24) Feel: identify one area of overwhelm

(5:33) Love: self-compassion and acceptance

(6:20) The office move example

(9:17) Talking kindly to yourself

(10:33) Heal: co-regulation and collective care

(12:49) Closing reflections and invitation to connect

RESOURCES

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

https://selfcarecoaching.net

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say “Hi” and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

DISCLAIMER

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Do you ever overdo things and then find yourself unable to do the simplest of things because it hasn’t worked out?

You’re listening to episode 79 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m an author, trauma therapist and survivor, senior accredited supervisor, ADHDer and so on.

You can find out more and access lots of free resources and other information at selfcarecoaching.net.

Every Tuesday I share a new episode to help trauma survivors and ADHDers take better care of yourselves and create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

In today’s episode we’re using my Feel. Love. Heal. framework to explore the reality that can be especially hard for us to grasp in terms of less being more. It’s one of those things in terms of baby steps, turtle steps, taking things slower, not launching full speed ahead and then overwhelmed paralysis, all the rest of it.

A few weeks ago I had a visceral experience and I’m hoping that sharing it with you and some self-care ideas will inspire you to go easier on yourself, be gentler with yourself and get more effective in terms of what you’re choosing to do.

I was going to say get more done but it’s like NO, you deserve rest, you deserve peace, you deserve ease. As a byproduct of that you will get more done because there’ll be less chaos.

A few weeks ago I was mowing my lawn. As a bit of a disclaimer, I’m nearly 50 but I’ve only had a lawn to mow the last few years because I lived in tiny little studio flats for so long. It’s been a steep learning curve. I’m still trying to rewild sections, I am rewilding sections but it’s all been a big learning curve. My partner finally convinced me to get a petrol lawnmower rather than the manual lawnmower that I had been using barefoot to get grounding while I mowed.

Obviously can’t do that with a petrol lawnmower because it would be too dangerous but that little manual mower it would take me hours to do this small little front lawn and the petrol lawnmower is much more effective. He saw how I was doing it when it was a bit overgrown because the weather (blah blah blah lots of reasons, not been keeping on top of it and the west coast of Ireland is phenomenal and there’s a lot of rain and that makes it really lush and also it grows really quickly. You can’t mow wet grass, it takes much longer so it had got quite long again even though I was doing my best to keep on top of it so another metaphor for feeling overwhelmed and chaotic).

When he saw what I was doing, he suggested that I do half lines so rather than like side by side redoing half of the line and then the next line redoing half of the line. I had to obviously bite back some of my pathological demand avoidance (PDA) but I tried it because I have been experimenting more and more with gentleness with taking it easy.

And it was like, “Huh! It really does work!”

I didn’t have to stop as often and it was a joy. So it has been something having had that visceral experience that I’ve been applying to other areas of my life in terms of less being more.

Taking the gentler approach feels like it’s going to take much longer but ultimately, actually is not only easier but takes less time than the old overdoing it, collapse, overdoing it, overwhelm, overdoing it, paralysis… I hope this episode will help you.

For the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework, I want you to identify something in your life where you tend to go full speed ahead and end up in chaos. End up feeling overwhelmed. End up feeling miserable and ineffective and like you can’t do anything.

And if you’re anything like I used to be, you might be thinking, “ALL areas of my life!”

List all of them. List everything that comes up. And then pick one. You can do this for the others. It won’t take long but start with one. I still find that hard to do myself because I want to do All The Things at once. But identify one problem one area in your life and know that the others that you’ve listed are there safely for you to return to when you have found some peace and ease and gentleness around this first area.

For the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework it’s more… so the Feel part is the self-care the lowercase s, something you’re doing to regulate. You’re taking action. In this case, emptying your brain. Making it visible externally.

For the Love part, it’s more of that uppercase S Self care. The beyond the person. The Love archetype (in psychosynthesis). It’s about finding affection for that part of yourself that does these things instead of, “Oh why have I done that? Why have I overdone it again? Why am I at the point of collapse again? Why am I…?”

For example, a couple weeks ago, I had the idea to switch offices. I moved from the smallest room in the house to what is actually the main bedroom (I use a different bedroom because I like being able to look up at the mountain).

And I am now indulging in this gorgeous space that I can’t believe is my office. It means it’s much nicer for my in-person clients and supervisees as well but I just moved the webcam around to give you a bit of a view if you’re listening and wondering why that went a bit wonky.

I had the idea on the Monday lunchtime when I was doing a yoga nidra and by the Wednesday evening I had completely moved into this room. It looked and felt amazing and by the Tuesday morning I had it so that I could do my online work. Right behind me it looked great. The rest of the room was in chaos and the rest of the house was in chaos.

The rest of the house is taking shape but this has come from years and years of learning to work (and also the ADHD medication is helping). This time, rather than, “Why do I do this?” when the rest of the house was in complete chaos, I was able to say, “Oops, I did it again. And I’m NOT going to stay up. I’m not going to work through the night. I’m not going to ignore all my deadlines and everything else in order to tidy. Instead, I’m going to take it bit by bit!”

And it’s been a lovely, lovely gentle way. It’s not completely there in terms of the rest of the house but I now have everything far more accessible. And the little room (now named the Everything Emporium) has my clothes horses, my snorkel gear, my suitcase and one of the cat litter trays, all the like big like bulky cat food and coats.

It’s more of a utility room. I’ve got my Christmas and Halloween decorations, all the DIY stuff… it’s been headachy but far less headachy than at any other time in my life. Because I was able to own that part of myself that wants to do it all in one go. I can say, “Oh that’s so sweet! So delusional! Let’s not do that this time! Let’s be gentler!”

I want you to think of that part of yourself with fondness with compassion like you might with a toddler or a small child. Someone like just in a bit over their heads. And just dial it back. Send lots of love. Send lots of compassion to yourself. Remind yourself it’s safe to go slowly. It’s safe to take it easy.

It might not have been when you were younger but it is now. You’re in safety. And it’s constantly reaffirming that to yourself. And even if it feels silly, recognising that your extra sensitive nervous system needs that support, needs that reminder.

You can hold your hand on your heart, one hand on top of the other. And say, “It’s OK [whatever your name is]. I’m safe. It’s safe to go slower. It’s safe to take it easier. It’s safe to be gentle with myself. I’m not lazy. I will get it done.”

Whatever you need to hear. Honour your nervous system and honour Younger Yous who were potentially told that you should be able to do things more easily while not being accommodated in ways that would have helped you actually do things more easily.

Sending so much love to those traumatised younger parts. And let yourself heal.

Moving to the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework: The co-regulation, the collective care. It might be about accessing more support. It might be talking to a therapist or a coach. It might be body doubling. It might be joining a group. (In the Sole to Soul Circle tomorrow, you’ll be getting, members will be getting a unique yoga nidra to help with ease and gentle progress, making things more effective, things easier with smaller steps. Helping to programme the unconscious mind to make it easier to not overdo things off the yoga mat (or like if you’re using your sofa or your bed as your yoga nidra nest). Helping to harness the power of the unconscious mind around that temptation to do all the things and overdo it. And instead beginning to create that sense of safety within your nervous system, to create that sense of safety within your home, within your life, within your work, within your relationships. Knowing that you deserve that sense of peace and ease and gentleness.)

I would love to hear how you’re getting on. What problem you’ve identified. How you’re addressing yourself with affection and acceptance of exactly where you are rather than trying to change anything or beating yourself up. And what you might do to heal. Maybe there is someone you can body double with or you’re going to seek out therapy or coaching. It might be maybe you want to join the Sole to Soul Circle (you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net).

Thinking, again, let yourself be open to solutions that may not exist but just asking yourself, if you were to be able to join or create a community that would really, really help you with whatever it is… list all the things that that community would have. It may be that it already exists. It may be that it partially exists and you can already begin to benefit from some of those supports.

Let me know how you get on in the comments or email eve@selfcarecoaching.net

Thank you very much for listening or watching. I’d love it if you’re happy to share with someone you think might benefit from this episode.

And like, comment, review and so on.

And just be gentle with yourself. Notice how taking things that bit easier, thinking of your equivalent of doing half a line again in terms of mowing the lawn. Whatever it might be. It might feel like it’s slower. It might feel like it’s frustrating when you think about it but experiment with it. And let me know how you get on. Let me know also what you’d like more of in the future.

And I look forward to sharing more next week. Have a delightful week.

le grá (with love),

Eve

Too Sensitive? Too Much? Says Who? (with special guests Alice Tew and Carly Radford)

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Join me (trauma-informed therapist etc, Eve Menezes Cunningham) as I welcome Alice Tew and Carly Radford, hosts of the podcast “Too Much… Apparently.”

We explore sensitivity as a gift rather than a flaw, sharing practical nervous system regulation techniques and the power of radical self-acceptance.

Discover why tiny non-negotiables work better than perfect routines, how the pandemic became a turning point for Carly embracing authenticity, and why building chosen family through friendship can be transformative.

Perfect for highly sensitive people, those with ADHD and autism, trauma survivors, and anyone who’s ever been told they’re “too much.”

You’ll learn about:

· Nervous system awareness

· micro self-care practices

· parts work therapy

· community building

· neurodivergent experiences, and

· moving from self-criticism to self-compassion.

Find Alice at @reparentingwithalice and Carly at @the_sensitivity_therapist

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Introduction and podcast context

(1:00) Guest introductions

(4:00) Sensitivity and self-care

(8:30) Nervous system awareness

(12:00) Tiny non-negotiables

(15:00) Love and acceptance

(19:00) The pandemic as a turning point

(22:00) Radical self-acceptance

(26:00) Collective care and community

(30:00) Redefining family and support

(35:00) Building community through friendship

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I’m delighted to welcome Alice Tew and Carly Radford, who are here to talk about whatever they want to talk about, but I invited them on because I’ve known their names for a long, long time, but I’ve got to know them better online through a neurodivergent therapy group, and they have a gorgeous new podcast, Too Much… Apparently, and it’s so lovely.

Hi, you’re listening to episode 78 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I’m your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham. I’m a trauma-informed therapist, including embodied approaches, energetic approaches. I’m a trauma survivor. I have ADHD and I’m a senior accredited supervisor with BACP and a supervisor with IACP.

I’m also an author and columnist and a self-care coach where I integrate lots of different ways of working for a really embodied approach, but really all my work is about helping you remember that you already know what you need.

I help people with trauma and ADHD to take better care of themselves and their Self, that highest, wisest, truest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. It really is remembering you are already whole. You’re already complete. You are worthy. You’re lovable. You’re not too much. You are enough.

And with that in mind, I am utterly delighted to be welcoming today’s guests and look forward to hearing what you think of today’s episode. If you haven’t already, do subscribe and I would love to hear from you, either in the comments or you can email eve at selfcarecoaching.net

You can find out more about the book, the podcast, free resources, all sorts of things at selfcarecoaching.net or thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

I’m delighted to welcome Alice Tew and Carly Radford, who are here to talk about whatever they want to talk about, but I invited them on because I’ve known their names for a long, long time, but I’ve got to know them better online through a neurodivergent therapy group and they have a gorgeous new podcast, Too Much… Apparently, and it’s so lovely and I wanted to have them on here.

I’m going to ask Alice and then Carly to introduce yourselves, including any links you want people to go to and they’ll be in the show notes as well.

Welcome, welcome, welcome and thank you.

So shall I start?

Yeah, OK.

I’m Alice Tew. I’m a psychotherapist. I’m based in Cheshire, but I work completely online. I mainly work with people who have kind of harshly critical parents and so kind of dealing with the emotional fallout of that. The best way to find me is on Instagram, where you’ll find me @reparentingwithalice. Yeah, that’s me.

I was admiring earlier your little hello sign because your email is hello at Alice Tew. Do you want to give your website as well?

Yeah, so my website is alicetew.com.

Perfect. Thank you. And Carly?

Yes, hello. My name is Carly Radford. I am a nurse by background before retraining as a psychotherapist and I also work solely online with doing individual therapy and running groups. I specialise in a few areas, but I put those under the theme of sensitivity. I’m known as the sensitivity therapist and I work with either inherent or acquired sensitivity. And essentially what I mean by that is inherent is if you feel you were born a highly sensitive person, neurodivergent, autistic, ADHD. You have always felt like a sensitive person in the world.

And I also work with acquired sensitivity. So if that is through stressful life situations, traumatic events, chronic anxiety, anything that over time has essentially made your nervous system more sensitive and more reactive in the world. That’s ultimately what I specialise in. You can find me on Instagram @the_sensitivity_therapist with underscores between the words. My website is currently being redeveloped, but it will be carlyradford.com. And yeah, email wise, I’m just hello at carlyradford.com.

Thank you so much. I’m going to ask you both about sensitivity because you had a lovely episode about it. And I think it’s so important. I think especially with trauma, with ADHD, we grow up, we get so told, oh, you’re being too sensitive, you’re too.

And we can recognise that it is a gift and we can also internalise shame around it. And I’m nearly 50 and I’m like happier than I’ve ever been, but it’s still like, oh God, I’m crying again. And it’s I’ll cry out of joy as well. It’s like fully emotional landscape. It’s the whole, but I just loved what you were saying.

We’ll start with the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework I created. If you tell me a bit about what you would recommend and what you’ve both done in terms of regulating, in terms of that kind of more active self care around sensitivity, when it all feels too much, if that’s OK.

Yes. Yeah.

Or should I go? Or should you go? When there’s three of you, it’s like, who talks first? Who knows, who knows who to go? No, I’m just nodding and you can’t see who I’m nodding at. Yes. So I, I have always described myself.

Well, I say always more in later years, I’ve always described myself as sensitive, but I now very much realised that I am very sensitive, deep, deep in my bones. And what I mean when I say the word sensitive is I can react quite strongly emotionally to things in the world. And a bit like you said, it’s both in a way that can be challenging and also in a way that can be really lovely and beautiful in terms of those strong emotional reactions.

And I also describe it of having quite a reactive nervous system. So seemingly small things, or that may be small to other people are not small to my nervous system. And ultimately can, well, that can respond in various ways, but I would often say that that can translate to like emotional overwhelm or, or feeling, feeling stressed, feeling like things are a little bit too much.

And it’s only in later years that I’ve come to really recognise that and start to embrace that as that is who I am in the world. So particularly, I’d say particularly over the last five years, I’ve more like radically been moving, been moving towards that acceptance. And you mentioned from the field perspective of the framework that you work with, how I, how I regulate, I think that what you were asking me? Yeah.

I regulate my nervous system through various ways, some of it’s not super conscious, it’s automatic. I will sing throughout the day quite a lot as I’m just going about the day. And I think singing just automatically helps to regulate my nervous system.

And there’s a lot of science behind that, actually, which I didn’t say.

The exhalation, so you’re activating the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system. And you’re also using your voice. So yeah, helping tone the vagus.

Yes, yes, it’s all related to the vagus nerve. And whether that’s the breathing part, really taking control of your breath, slow, really slowing it down and controlling it. And also through the through the vibrations of your vocal cords, and what that is essentially doing from biofeedback to the vagus nerve. So there are various things that influence singing. So I think singing can be good.

Joining a singing group, for example, but also just even if you’re humming to yourself throughout the day. So I’ve learned that there are things that I just do automatically throughout the day that help. So singing, vocalising things.

And I like to just talk out loud to my dogs in various accents and things like that. Just almost using the voice as a form of play, I think really, really helps. And then there are the more active things that help regulate my nervous system.

And they might be things like just curling up on the sofa, blanket wrapped around me, maybe heated blanket, cup of something warm and a good book or something crafty. If I’m really overwhelmed, the crafty thing won’t be too challenging. It could even just be an adult colouring book, something that doesn’t involve much thought, but that’s something that always helps me.

I love it.

And before I ask Alice, I also wanted to applaud your talking about your nervous system. And it sounded like that acceptance. And we all, all mammals have our nervous systems. And with trauma, with ADHD, we grow up, like thinking there’s something wrong with it. Whereas the minute we accept it, and it’s like, how is it feeling right now? What do I need right now? It’s just like, yep, the nervous system is this.

It’s like, it’s raining outside. It’s like, yep, I just loved the way you said that at the beginning. So thank you for all of that.

That’s wonderful. And Alice?

Yeah, I think I kind of share, you know, some of what Carly’s talking about there. And I think that awareness or that knowledge of your nervous system has been a really important part of it for me.

When I think about what I do to regulate myself kind of on a day-to-day basis, I think keeping things really small is really important for me. Like I can have a really strong perfectionist process. I would love to, and even now when I’m scrolling through Instagram and someone pops up with this routine will change your life, I’m like, “Oh, maybe this is the one.”

But it’s kind of bringing it back to the fact that actually, if I can just keep it small, you know, having some kind of, you know, non-negotiables that are tiny, non-negotiables, like brushing my teeth. I know that if I’m not brushing my teeth, I really need to be kind of checking in again with myself.

But like exercise. So I’ve been really struggling with exercise. I love going out for a walk. I love being in nature, but I’ve really been struggling to motivate myself to get out. So at the moment I’m working on doing 10 shoulder rolls every day and just keeping it, just keeping it tiny and just getting that tick in the box. Just giving myself that message that I matter by doing that tiny little, doing that tiny little piece. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I love it. And, um, oh, that’s so gorgeous.

So, um, moving to the Love, that’s so funny. A second ago, it’s like, oh, and I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to say. Um, if it comes back later, it will, if not, that’s fine. But moving to the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework I developed that uppercase Self care that recognition.

I realised I always feel a bit like I help people self-care, but it’s like, not a, you have to do this because you’re already whole. You’re already like everyone. If only we could just know that we don’t have to perform, we don’t have to do anything to be, but that can take in psychosynthesis. There’s the Will archetype and the Love archetype, and there are different types of Will. And Love is that kind of supportive, accepting energy.

And like with EFT, you start off with the, whatever the issue is, “I deeply and completely love and accept myself”. Without that love, without that acceptance, any kind of change is so, so challenging. And yet we’re constantly trying to like, oh, like you said about the routine, I just realised that was it. I was up again till 3.30 last night because, I’m on the ADHD medication now, which is much better, but I had been meaning to delete thousands of photos for months and months and months, years, even.

And I’m putting together a couple of presentations, which involve finding pictures of my rescue cats, because it’s using them to explain Polyvagal Theory. And naturally I had like thousands of pictures of the cats. And when I finally figured out an easy way to delete them, it was like, I’ll do this for all the underwater pictures as well. And all the donkeys and all. And then it’s like 3.30 in the morning and it’s like, Evie Cat, come on, like ten shoulder rolls. It’s like, I love the kind of micro projects and I love the idea of being that person. But it’s like last night, it’s like, I know if I don’t do it now, I’ll forget this system that has suddenly made it easier. So applauding micro and wishing I could do better.

Don’t get me wrong. I also go all in on the macro regularly, you know, kind of preparing for the podcast. I really had to pull myself away from, you know, creating and creating. It’s just exciting.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think, again, I think for me, the diagnosis has really helped with that Love part that like ADHD brain. It’s OK. It’s OK. Whereas before it’d be like, why? Why? Why? Anyway, the two of you, what helps you with that love part, that acceptance? Yeah.

Should I go first this time? Yeah. OK. So I feel like this is a massive part of my work and it’s the thing that I really love the most. And so what I’ve been thinking about sort of as you’ve been explaining your framework and all of that is really kind of focused in parts work, which is what I do. But really that looking at I think it often comes down to parts that feel like you don’t deserve it in some way. And I see there being two parts to this.

One is the kind of defeated part that I would see as like a wounded child. I don’t deserve it. But also the kind of more critical parent parts that might say you don’t deserve it.

And so having to sort of kind of having to navigate both of those almost. Yeah. Almost like a kind of it feels like it’s a negotiation sometimes like a mediation between different parts of you that are really kind of holding a lot of strong energy and having to find a way forward that works for all of the parts.

You know, like when you say you’ve got this photo system and you know, you’re just you’re on it. You know, I couldn’t just go in there and just be like, right. Time’s up. Time to go. You know, there has to be that that negotiation of that. But I think the skill of doing that involves a lot of self-compassion, a lot of compassion for these parts, a lot of willing to be curious about what’s going on for these parts, a lot of compassion for whatever comes up and a lot of courage to change because it’s hard.

It’s hard to change and scary to change, particularly for a lot of these parts that are holding on to these ways for really good reasons. Yeah.

This wasn’t meant to turn into a therapy session, but I’m realising it very much was a fearful sub-personality that was that like when I worked in an office and everyone would laugh at my handover notes because they’d go for pages because I was worried if I took a week off, I would forget how to do my job.

And it’s that it’s that what happens if you do forget? It just means you have to remember you have to. But that compassion and that acceptance and that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Just recognising that there’s a really good reason behind, you know, the things that we do. You know, I’ve mentioned it on the podcast, but one of my favourite quotes is, you know, something looks like it doesn’t make sense, look closer because it makes sense. It makes sense.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

And Carly? Yeah, it’s an interesting one. I was talking to Alice on the podcast. I can’t remember which episode it was, but I realised that any time I was talking about when things have really shifted for me, I kept saying five years ago, five years ago, five years ago.

And I made a comment. I said, why do I keep saying five years ago? What was it about five years ago? And Alice just went, the pandemic? And I was like, oh, yes, that was it. And I’ve worked on a lot of this stuff for most of my life.

But a massive shift happened during the pandemic because it was a time when I realised so many things about myself that the pandemic, well, to be fair, not the pandemic, the lockdowns actually showed me and made me just learn a lot of lessons about myself. And in learning those lessons, I guess you kind of presented with a choice when life went back to sort of normal. Do I go back to how I was living before? Or do I start to accept that actually, I need to change the way that I’m living in the world in a way that is going to actually suit and benefit me? And that means having to accept certain things about myself that I might not want to accept.

But what’s the alternative if I don’t? And so I’d say over the past five years, and I’m going to use the word radical, because I think I’ve always been working on it. But the lockdowns and the pandemic led me to radically start to work on these things. And it was also the pandemic, where I started to realise that I was autistic.

And then I realised that I’m also ADHD. I’ve always described myself as a Highly Sensitive Person. So putting all of those things together, just meant that I am going to have to start treating myself differently and changing the way in which I behave that’s less about what I feel I should do or need to do to be accepted in the world.

And actually, what I need to do for myself. And I like what you said earlier, Alice about, you mentioned about what small, what smaller things, you know, how can I, how can I make this smaller, where I’m still doing something that feels that feels good, but is what I need. And I would say I’ve definitely applied that to myself.

And I’ve also leaned a lot more into the idea of slow living. I’ve realised that the fast pace world is not for me. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to live slowly and more gently.

I think the word gentle has just been so, so present for the past couple of years. And it’s not, it’s not just creating like a slower, more gentler way of being that honours the different parts of me and what they need. But also then learning to tell myself, and that’s OK.

And that’s the harder part. And the part that I would say, still crops up and I’m still working on. Also just knowing that and it’s OK to be that way in the world, because there are so many messages that say, it’s not or you’re or you’re less than or you’re incapable.

That’s not fun. That’s not exciting, like so many different things. So I think the heart part that you’re speaking to, makes me think of, yeah, makes me think of that phrase, this, this and this and, and that’s OK.

Yeah. And it is, I mean, like you’re saying that it’s like, yeah, but we’re mammals, we’re wired to only be in sympathetic modes, a very short percentage of the time, like we’re not, yeah, a lot of...

Is Your Kindness Masking Trauma and ADHD?

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0100

You’ve heard of the Fight or Flight Stress Response but what about Tend and Befriend?

Ever wonder why you automatically say "yes" to everything, even when you don't want to? You're not broken - you're responding from a place of survival. In this episode, we explore the "tend and befriend" stress response, why it's so common in women, other minorities, and ADHDers, and how it kept our ancestors (and us when we were younger) alive.

You'll learn:

Tend and Befriend v the better known Fight or Flight stress responses
Why people-pleasing is actually adaptive survival behaviour
How ADHD masking connects to this trauma response
The difference between Tend and Befriend and Fawn
Practical steps to start setting boundaries without (well, with less. Progress not perfection) guilt

Remember: Your nervous system was wired this way to keep you safe. Now you get to choose how to move forward. 💙

Resources mentioned:

Feel Better Every Day Podcast: feelbettereverydaypodcast.com – especially the Purr! Hiss! Freeze! ep which goes into greater detail around Polyvagal Theory and adaptive survival responses
Sole to Soul Circle membership
Self Care Coaching: selfcarecoaching.net

#TraumaHealing #ADHD #PeoplePleasing #TendAndBefriend #TraumaResponse #Boundaries #NervousSystemHealing

Chapters

(0:00) What is the Tend and Befriend Response?

(0:38) Meet your host: Eve Menezes Cunningham

(1:11) Feel. Love. Heal. – A framework for self-care, Self care and collective care

(1:34) People pleasing and survival instincts

(2:16) Survival of the kindest

(2:36) The science behind Tend and Befriend

(4:24) Fawn and Freeze: Trauma in the body

(6:22) How early trauma shapes us

(7:00) Why we people please (and what we’re really seeking)

(8:27) The power of saying No

(9:28) Spotting red flags early

(9:37) Practising safe boundaries

(11:19) Remember: You have the right to autonomy

(12:27) Moving from survival to love

(13:21) Healing through support and connection

(14:54) Learning to honour your preferences

(16:29) The Runaway Bride egg question

(17:16) It’s never too late to get to know yourself

(18:04) Final thoughts and resources

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Tend and befriend response. So if you were to imagine being very, very under stress, under threat, and if you think about the most powerful people in society, if you think about like the white men, it's safe for them to fight, it's safe for them to run away. Women, minorities typically have to placate, have to be appealing, have to be pleasant, all these things with tend befriend when it's a trauma response, when it is also very common with ADHD.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham, and I'm a trauma therapist and survivor and ADHDer, a supervisor, supervisor, supervisor, Self care coach, author and columnist. And you can access full show notes and links and free resources through the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com or selfcarecoaching.net.

In this episode, we'll work through my Feel. Love. Heal. Framework.

Feel, which is about the active self- care, Love, which is about that uppercase Self S for the highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. And the Heal element is the collective care.

We're talking about the “tend and befriend” stress response today. I was interviewed for a UK national paper recently and the interview went 45 minutes, and which was longer than I think either of us were expecting. And I still have so much more to say, I thought I'd do a podcast episode about it. (I’ll share the link when it’s published.)

Tend and befriend is something that can lead to people pleasing. And when we say people pleasing, no one's like, “Woohoo, I'm a people pleaser.”

There's some judgment there. There's some, like high functioning codependency again, a bit tend befriend even. It's how humans survived.

Everyone knows most people know about Darwin's idea about survival of the fittest. But it's also that caring, that empathy that has kept humanity going all these, however long humanity has kept going. Typically, so Shelley Taylor coined the term “tend and befriend.”

And where Herbert, no, Walter B Cannon identified the Stress Response, the Fight Flight Response. Later, Herbert B. Benson identified the Relaxation Response and the opposite in terms of the parasympathetic activation of the nervous system in that same Harvard lab. Shelley Taylor in 2000 identified this Tend and Befriend response.

So if you were to imagine being very, very under stress, under threat, and if you think about the most powerful people in society, if you think about like the white men, it's safe for them to fight, it's safe for them to run away.

Women, minorities, typically have to placate, have to be appealing, have to be pleasant. All these things with tend befriend, when it's a trauma response, when it is also very common with ADHD, we're masking a lot of allies, we often don't know ourselves, we have it.

We just think we override how we're feeling in order to accommodate the needs of others. I hope that this episode will help you have more compassion for any people pleasing tendencies and recognising that the Tend and Befriend response, where it's a trauma response, where it's out of a sense of fear, even though you might consciously have nothing to be afraid of, your nervous system may have been wired to immediately go into offering more than actually genuinely feels good for yourself. We're going to work through some ways.

You might also be interested in the Fawn Response, which again, it's a kind of blamey word, but I know when I first came across Peter Levine's work like 15 years ago, I think, in Waking the Tiger, and he talked about the impala, and how it would play dead when it sensed the lion.

And after the danger had gone, it would get up, shake it off and get on with its day. I used to shake uncontrollably as a teenager, I would sometimes have to stand against walls because I would shake so much. I didn't know then it was a trauma release. When I did my yoga therapy training, and some of the people were doing TRE training as well. I know a lot of people know that kind of is basically learning how to shake it off me personally, not for me, because I shook so much already. But it is connecting with the body, it's letting it go.

The fawn response is that dorsal vagal collapse we've talked about in the Purr! Hiss! Freeze! episode. You might want to go back to and other episodes as well. I'll link in the show notes.

And it's really about recognising that whether you recognise you sometimes going to Tend and Befriend or Fawn, or people pleasing or high functioning co-dependency. It's all just adaptive survival. You are here now, you have survived.

You get to watch this or listen to this and choose for yourself moving forward, what do you want to do? That bit of awareness will help you. And when I say like Fight Flight, people generally aren't delighted with themselves after they've fought or after they've fled.

But when things are stressful, we tend to fall back into those ways in which we were wired, the ways in which we kept ourselves safe, when we potentially didn't even have language, some of this conditioning is pre verbal, it's so young.

Especially with complex PTSD, interpersonal trauma, you think about babies who would have been abandoned or neglected and had to learn to be extra appealing in order to survive, like if their parents were unable to care for them properly.

They didn't know that they were utterly divine and deserving of all the love and care in the world. They grew up believing they were too much. And so we're wired to thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved. We need that safety and connection. People pleasing can be a way of trying to get that. It's also a way of denying it. Because if we're working from a trauma response, if we're living from a trauma response, we're not showing our whole selves if we're so viscerally terrified of being abandoned.

Abandonment would have meant death when we were little, and also for our ancient ancestors as adults. It's not about shame or judgement, it's just having reasons and extra compassion for yourself so that you can recognise that the reconditioning can be challenging, it can be an advanced practice, and it's very much worth it.

If you see yourself in this, give yourself a mental hug right now. Your nervous system was conditioned this way. And again, it helped you survive, you can learn to heal it, you can learn to rewire it with practice. It's retraining yourself to seek and find safety with the people you can express your whole self with.

There was a gorgeous post that I've been telling quite a few people about recently. I can't remember who to credit, if you know, please let me know so that I can credit them. It was something about going on a first date and saying no to something before she met up with any potential man.

Nope, like no explanation, no excuses, just, “Nope, can't do Wednesday, how about Thursday?”

And a lot of the men in the comments got angry, “Why is she testing us?” And it's like, this is how deep the conditioning goes that women and other minority groups are supposed to be available and appeasing and not make a fuss and low maintenance and all these things.

For the woman who said this is her technique, it was basically showing red flags. If a stranger isn't going to hear your no before you've met them, if they're going to demand an excuse or a reason for something as innocuous as wanting to change a day or go for tea rather than coffee or something insignificant, how dangerous might that person be when the stakes are higher?

As we move into the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I want to encourage you to think of someone in your life that it feels safe enough to say no to, without excuses, without explanation, without defending your no.

It may be that there's no one in your life that feels safe to do that with. This is information, it's all good. It may be a therapist, it may be a coach, it may be a good friend, but even imagining saying no and not giving a reason, just notice how that feels in your body.

How does it feel to realise that you could actually, with practice, become quite adept at setting boundaries, at showing up as your whole self and being happier, giving your loved ones a chance to love all of you rather than just the parts of yourself that you think are appealing enough, are acceptable enough.

Notice for yourself who feels safe to experiment with in terms of that and also think about the tools you might already be using to soothe your nervous system when you are in any kind of stress response.

You might want to go back to the Relaxation Response episodes, you might want to, and again I'll link to that in the show notes, I don't want to be overwhelming you with self-care tools.

I think what I've suggested, it can be transformative and it's an advanced practice. It varies day to day, sometimes it feels more possible, other times not at all, different people, different scenarios, but I want you to remind yourself that you have the right to say No.

You have the right to assert yourself. You have a right to want all the things you want, not to like demand that anyone else meets all those needs, but you have a right to your own autonomy.

In the Sole to Soul Circle tomorrow, you'll be getting, for members of that, you'll be getting a video with a special breath practice that was developed by Peter Levine to help soothe the nervous system and come out of Tend and Befriend, and also to regulate from Fight Flight, the Sympathetic Survival responses (Hiss!) basically. It's helping, and it's also, it helps come out of dorsal vagal (Freeze!), it comes out, it helps us to come more into ventral vagal (Purr!). I'll be going through that with the Sole to Soul Circle members.

As we move into the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, I want you to remember that this response was a survival response. I want you to look in the mirror and tell your reflection, “I survived”.

You're safe, you're here. You might not be thriving yet, but you are safe and you are here. Your survival responses kept you alive, all of those adaptive responses, and by looking at them now you can have a happier, more fulfilling, easier life moving forward.

Honour that. Accept yourself. Love yourself. And thank your whole self.

As we move into the Heal part of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework, you might want to explore therapy, you might want to explore support groups, you might want to think about your loved ones and being honest with maybe one of them, and saying something like, “Look, I'm beginning to explore this, I didn't even know I was doing it, but sometimes when you ask me if I want to do do do, I actually would like some time to think about it and really get a sense of how I'm feeling before I automatically agree.”

Again, on, I don't know, TikTok or Insta or something, I saw a really sweet thing by an ADHDer who was horrified that she'd been in a relationship for years and she thought that her partner loved the kind of crispy tiny fries, whereas she loved the long and kind of, she described them as soggy fries. After several years together she asked him and he was like, “No, I wasn't eating them first”.

She'd observed him eating them first and thought, “Oh OK, I'll save them for him and I'll have the others.”

But he'd been eating those so that he could save his favourite to the end. And she was like, “All this time I really liked the others!” They were both trying to please each other, they'd both made assumptions based on what they'd observed in terms of sharing fries, and luckily they checked in with each other after a few years.

There could be all sorts of scenarios like that in your life, in your relationships, where when you actually begin to question what you've been assuming, you might be pleasantly surprised. It's all, it's building this wonderful muscle of recognising that you have a right to your preferences, you have a right to your needs and wants, so practising pausing, practising to check in with yourself about how you really feel before going along with things.

And support groups can be helpful, you might want to find, I've got the Sole to Soul membership for you, but you might want to find something in person, you might want to find something more formal.

Whatever works for you. As I mentioned, I'll be sharing in the Circle this simple breath practice to soothe the vagus nerve, and I am hoping that you are being kind to yourself as you consider your own potential for going into that response. And that you recognise that all of us have stress responses, the more we know about ourselves, the more we know about how we react under pressure, the better we can support ourselves.

And also, we can remind ourselves that there are a lot of times where it's actually, it might be triggering, but it's still safe enough for you to be your whole self, it's safe enough for you to get to know your wants and your needs and your preferences, and I am thinking a lot lately of that old Runaway Bride film with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.

He challenges her after observing her ditch several fiancés at the altar, he challenges her to find out how she likes her own eggs, because in each interview she's given it would be scrambled or fried. I feel really funny as a vegan going on about different eggs, I kind of miss fried egg.

If you don't know, if you've grown up accommodating everyone else to the point where you don't even know it, it can feel really sad to think, “I don't even know how I like breakfast, I don't even know this really simple thing”,

But it's an exciting adventure to take yourself on. Remind yourself that you are really worth getting to know, even though it may be decades after in an ideal world you would have learnt these things about yourself, it's never too late. You deserve love from yourself as well as from others. You deserve that curiosity.

I hope that you will let me know how you're getting on, you can email eve@selfcarecoaching.net or you can comment wherever you're seeing this or listening to this.

If you haven't already subscribed and would like to, feel free to. And thank you very much for listening, thank you for watching. As I mentioned you'll find out more with the show notes with any links and also you can go to selfcarecoaching.net to find out more about the book and the Sole to Soul Circle and my other offerings.

Wishing you a delightful week and I'm looking forward to sharing more next week.

Success Amnesia - The ADHD Confidence Killer

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0100

JOIN ME (AND OTHERS) FOR THE LIVING AND WORKING WITH NEURODIVERGENCE CONFERENCE ON 10th OCTOBER. I’ll be presenting Cattitude: A Polyvagal Informed Approach to Self and Self-Care for ADHD and Trauma and you can book here

EPISODE 76

Do you constantly forget your accomplishments while ruminating on what’s gone wrong? You might be experiencing "success amnesia" - the tendency for trauma survivors and ADHDers to completely forget positive achievements while remembering every mistake.

In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, I (trauma therapist and ADHDer, Eve Menezes Cunningham) explain why success amnesia is so common in ADHD brains and share a simple daily practice to counter it.

Learn how to build authentic confidence by remembering what you've actually accomplished, even the small things. Using my Feel. Love. Heal framework, I share how to:

Recognise and welcome your current feelings without judgment
Connect with your inherent worth beyond achievements
Use success tracking to support your efforts at collective care and empowerment

This isn't about fake positivity - it's about training your brain to remember the full picture of who you are and what you've done. Perfect for anyone struggling with low self-esteem, imposter syndrome, or feeling "not enough."

Timestamps, resources, and show notes available here

Feel Better Every Day!

Learn from the Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) and self-care practices the professionals depend on. With a mixture of solo and interview episodes I (your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) share trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas through the lens of the Feel. Love. Heal. framework to help you:

• Feel. Regulate your nervous system, work with your energy and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love. Accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal. Collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos

• All the free resources (for trauma, ADHD, menopause, solopreneurs, anxiety, sleep, confidence, resilience, finding purpose, meaning and joy and more) across my platforms and the library of self-care ideas and practices

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can

• Find out more about my private practice for one to one work. If you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s worth completing the short form to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision).

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere. Say "Hi" and share your questions or comments: YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

@rescuecattitude

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

And if you’d like to leave a ***** review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

CHAPTERS

(0:00) Countering Success Amnesia

(0:39) Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

(1:25) The Feel. Love. Heal. Framework

(3:04) Autumn Equinox and International Day of Peace

(3:27) What Is Success Amnesia?

(5:27) Why Acknowledging Your Achievements Matters

(6:23) Feel: Active Self-care and Processing Emotions

(10:28) Love: Accepting Yourself as Enough

(12:38) Heal: Collective Care and Post-traumatic Growth

(14:34) A Daily Practice to Overcome Success Amnesia

(16:18) Coming Up Next Week: Tend and Befriend

DISCLAIMER

FULL TRANSCRIPT

As in, I'm going to recommend a daily practice you can do to counter “success amnesia”. It's a wonderful way for building confidence in a really authentic way. It's not like, “Wow, I'm brilliant!” or anything like that.

It's just like, “Oh, wow! I did these things today that I had forgotten. And, yeah, that makes sense as to why I was working late or why I was tired or why...” Whatever it might be, it's helping you take a breath, pause before you move on to the next thing and how you need to just do, do, do, do.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I'm a trauma therapist and survivor, a clinical supervisor and supervisor's supervisor. An author, columnist, self-care coach, where I integrate the psychosynthesis counselling, the yoga therapy, EFT, NLP, crystals and more, NLP. And I'm also an ADHD-er.

And I'm also Rainbow Magnificat's human. She was really shy for all the cat episodes, but here she is now.

Every Tuesday, I share new episodes of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. And in each episode, I go through whatever the theme is, using my Feel. Love. Heal. Framework. This makes it something that's accessible for yourself to work with. Whatever you're working with. The Feel element is to do with active self-care. That's that lowercase s, self-care.

The Love is the acceptance, the connection with Divine Love, loving yourself and recognising you are part of the divine. That connecting with your miraculous Self, that highest, truest, wisest, the uppercase S. That remembering you don't need to do a thing. You're already enough. You're not too much. You're worthy. You're lovable. You're part of the divine. You're all made of stardust. Connecting with that around whatever issue you're facing, it can help you.

I don't know if you can see little Rainy here. Connecting with that divinity within yourself and everyone can be really transformative and a peaceful way of going through life.

The Heal element is the collective care. The co-regulation. The, when you've had enough time to deal with things, to let yourself just be, to regulate all those things. It can be then that post-traumatic growth, that co-regulation. The looking into ways to turn what's hurting your heart into a way to improve things for yourself, your family, your communities, the world at large.

For today's episode, episode 76, we're celebrating the Autumn Equinox, a time of balance and harmony, on the 21st September. We're also celebrating the International Day of Peace.

That might sound quite strange because of everything that's going on in the world so I'm going to share a resourcing technique today around “success amnesia”.

Of all the things I've learned as an ADHDer, the term “success amnesia” explains my entire life. And like kind of having low self-esteem for so long and self-loathing for so long and all the rest of it. And then realising how that is so common with ADHD and trauma, with working memory issues. We can do good stuff and completely forget it. I forgot I wrote a book. I've forgotten I've edited journals. I've forgotten columns. I've forgotten huge pieces of work or other things that were tough in life. Success amnesia is the phrase that explains why it's so prevalent for ADHDers.

By working with your own success amnesia, and I'll share some ways in this episode, it can not only boost your own self-esteem and confidence, or at least start chipping away at some of that self-loathing and internalised ableism, but it can also empower you to feel better, able to speak up, to help others. To navigate so much of the insanity we're facing in the world and things that we thought everyone had agreed were bad things left in the past, suddenly rearing their heads again in order to stand up, in order to be able to resist, in order to help make the world a better place for yourself, your communities and others.

It's important that you are doing so from a place of safety, from a place of wellbeing. By acknowledging your accomplishments, I know we've talked about the Dragon's Tail, which is a gorgeous somatic coaching exercise I talk about in the book and I've talked about in another episode I'll link to in the show notes.

But success amnesia is a daily practice, as in I'm going to recommend a daily practice you can do to counter success amnesia. It's a wonderful way for building confidence in a really authentic way. It's not like, wow, I'm brilliant, anything like that. It's just like, oh, wow, I did these things today that I had forgotten. And yeah, that makes sense as to why I was working late or why I was tired or why, whatever it might be, it's helping you take a breath, pause before you move on to the next thing and how you need to just do, do, do, do, do. So I hope you enjoy it.

As always, we'll start with the Feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework. And I want to encourage you here to feel all the rage, all the fear, all the everything. Not act on it, but just recognise however it is you're feeling, getting it out of your body if you need to.

Thich Nhat Hanh has a beautiful meditation helping to recognise the temporary nature of so many emotions, even really strong emotions. When you feel yourself being hooked into clickbait headlines or news, if you can respond in a thoughtful, empowering, loving way, great.

But if you're just getting yourself stressed out and kind of feeling despair for humanity and the state of the world and all of that, it's not helping you.

You get to discern, you get to choose. But by recognising your rage, by feeling all your feelings, you're going to be in a better position to do all the work.

Sorry, little Rainey knocked the, oh bless her. She took the webcam with her little paw. Oh bless her. So think about, actually don't think, FEEL. Notice the most prominent feeling in your body right now.

The Feel part of the framework is about active self-care and feeling better. That kind of the things we can do to regulate. Identifying where you are, noticing what you're most conscious of. It might be a prominent body sensation. It might be a prominent emotion. But notice whatever it is you're feeling right now and say, “I feel…” whatever that is. It might be I feel despair. I feel rage. I feel hope. I feel love. I feel joy. I feel pride, whatever it might be.

Recognise, think about it when you're caught by a post online or something on TV or something someone says. And when we're trying to live, we're trying to be peaceful, loving beings ourselves in a world in which there's so much going on. That is so challenging and so polarising.

And it's trying to navigate doing what we can to help. But also staying sane and recognising where you are in any given moment, noticing the somatic sensations in your body, noticing the energy, noticing your charge, your life force, your prana, your chi. Just “I feel…” whatever it is.

And then, “I welcome…” whatever it is. It's going to help you recognise, “Is now the right moment to continue with this conversation for that International Day of Peace?” If someone is saying something quite provocative, there might be times where you're like, “Yep, I can ground, I can centre myself and I can speak up in a loving, respectful way that might actually help.” Like not just further polarise people or “Nope, I'm just getting angry here. It's going to make it worse. I'm going to do something else instead.”

Identifying how you're feeling is a very powerful thing. And I think you will also enjoy how quickly all feelings go. It makes us less likely, any kind of mindfulness practice, to hold on to joy, hold on to the good things because we recognise that everything is temporary.

Let me know how you get on with that. I do love hearing from you. Moving on to the Love part of the framework, it's that uppercase Self-care. That you don't have to do a thing. You are a wonderful part of the Divine. You deserve love. You deserve acceptance. That reminder alone can transform whatever issue you're working with.

When we stop resisting, when we stop trying, when we stop arguing with reality, that love, that acceptance, that support, it's just really transformative. And that doesn't mean that it's easy. It's a practice. Notice how it feels. If you want to be a force for love in the world, if you want to help make the world a better place.

I love the idea of helping making the world a better place where everyone, wherever we're born or live, is safe, welcome and loved and able to thrive. And love can, in this case for me, mean loving that kind of grandiose idea like, who am I to think that I can help make a difference? But I believe everyone can help make a difference.

It's not about taking it all on yourself, but thinking what is important to you and how can you make what you're doing as loving, as peaceful, as harmonious for your nervous system, for your body, for your life, for your loved ones as possible.

It might mean sending love to the parts of yourself that may be tempted to hate other people for what they're saying and doing and posting and all of that. It's like Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

It's really hard when things are so charged and the more you can remember that you're not just a human, you're not just a body. You are a soul as well. And you have that beyond the person energy and remembering that connection.

Which then moves us to the Heal element, that collective care, that encouragement to speak up, to connect with others, to co-regulate, to heal in community. There is so much to be so outraged about. Community is what will help you feel better, to heal and also to care for others as well as them helping care for you.

We're living in a world in which so many of the most powerful people on the planet are using that power against people. It's too easy to forget that you have so much power within yourself. You can connect with that ventral vagal energy as much as you can. You can feel empowered by the idea of post-traumatic growth to just, I mean, again, with the success amnesia log, by noticing at the end of every night what you've done.

It might be who you spoke up for. It might be things you did at work. It might be having had a loving discussion with your partner instead of, ah, it might be taking a breath and hugging your toddler instead of feeling impatient or whatever it might be.

Success amnesia is very worth overcoming because it will help you rise to the challenge of 2025 and all that we are dealing with personally, professionally, globally, in our communities.

When you remember all the things you have already accomplished, all the things you've already done and you build on that, it's from a much more grounded and centred energy and it makes it much more sustainable. There's not a huge gulf between what you're trying to do and feeling too tiny to make a difference.

I hope that gives you some ideas. Do email eve@selfcarecoaching.net if you want to let me know how you're getting on or comment wherever you're listening to or watching this.

I read them all and I do love to hear from you.

In the Sole to Soul Circle tomorrow, there'll be an EFT tap along to help you really integrate some of this and feel empowered to take even five minutes a day to do this simple, simple, simple and enormously effective practice to help you change the way that you feel about yourself and any challenges that you're up against.

Just making a list. It might be that you make a list with pen and paper or in your diary or on your phone, or you might just even say it to your reflection as you're brushing your teeth. I did. “I'm proud of myself for…” whatever it might be.

A tiny, tiny, tiny tweak to your life and it will help you make bigger steps in terms of what you're doing for yourself, for your communities and for the world at large.

Thank you for listening. I love sharing these. Next week, we're going to be talking about the Tend and Befriend response and people pleasing. I've just been interviewed about “extreme people pleasing” for a UK national paper so I think by the time that publishes, I'll be able to link to the show notes for the episode.

But I got so excited talking to the journalist, I thought this needs a podcast episode of its own. If you would like to subscribe, please do so. You can access full transcripts, show notes, links and all the rest of it through the show notes wherever you're listening or watching on YouTube. And you can also get it through selfcarecoaching.net and the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

You can find out more about joining the Circle and the book and you can potentially book a free telephone consultation if we have a mutually convenient time and you're interested in any of my Self care coaching or trauma informed therapies or supervision.

And I hope that you will keep a list. If you really want to ground this, it's really helpful not just to list what you're proud of yourself for having accomplished every day. And when I say accomplished, that sounds quite grandiose again. It's not like big things. It could be the tiniest thing, but it's building again. We retrain the nervous system with these micro moments and just taking a moment to acknowledge the things that you've done. It's powerful. Reading them back also really powerful.

It might be that you just write one thing you're proud of yourself for, but make sure you read it back every night. So you're building this long list and it will change the way you feel...

21 Lessons from 21 Years in Private Practice

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Celebrating 21 years as a professional writer and in practice, I (Self care coach, supervisor and trauma therapist, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share 21 lessons I've learned in hopes of saving you years or even decades in your own trauma and ADHD recovery journey.

From my early days discovering "you're not broken" to advanced insights about nervous system regulation and embodied healing, I reveal what really works (and what doesn't), why your body's wisdom trumps any technique, how trauma healing can be gentle, and why following your life force is the ultimate GPS.

These aren't just textbook theories. Whether you're a practitioner, on your own healing journey, or simply curious about what actually creates lasting change, this anniversary episode offers ideas to help you transform how you approach your own self-care, wellbeing and personal growth. And, if you have one, your own practice.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

It might be joy, it might be gratitude, it might be anger, it might be pain, it might be sadness, it might be jangly anxiety, it could be anything at all, but the more you get into the habit of connecting with your life force, connecting with your energy, connecting with your charge, connecting with your prana, your chi, it makes everything much easier.

You don't need all the theory, you don't need all the tools, all you need to do is connect with yourself and ask yourself, what do I need? What will help me right now? What am I feeling? What is that an indication of?

And it becomes a beautiful, exciting language, learning your own body, learning your own energy.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham.

To find out more about the podcast, access free resources, find out different ways in which we might work together, events coming up, the book, full show notes for each of the episodes, including transcripts and links, you can go to thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or selfcarecoaching.net and let me know if you've got any questions.

There's a lot there, but I hope that all the resources are easily accessible for you. Whether or not you get in touch with me there's loads and loads you can do yourself. And with that in mind, I want to start today's episode, which is celebrating my 21st business birthday today.

And essentially, you don't need me or anyone else to remember how to trust yourself. That being said, I can help. I love doing these podcast episodes. I love sharing through my writing, through all the different ways in which I work, sharing some of the things that have helped me as well as many of the things that I work with in my private practice and with groups. Because we have access to a world of resources and ancient wisdom being proved by modern neuroscience.

We have so much available to us. And I thought with that in mind, I would share 21 of my lessons and blessings from 21 years in business. I hope it helps you, but I also never want you to forget that you already have everything you need within you.

You don't need me. You don't need anyone else. And what we listen to, what we watch, what we pay attention to, it helps us. It can, where we put our attention has quite a big impact. So I am hoping that my work does help you, even if we've never met or I've never heard from you.

1) I want to start with number one, which is something I wish I'd known when I was starting out. I had a suspicion and everything I initially trained with was to save my own life. But the fact that you're not broken, no matter how much your trauma history or your ADHD brain tries to convince you otherwise, you are not broken. You are worthy. You are lovable. You're not too much and you are enough and you deserve all the goodness life has to offer. So if you stop listening now, I hope you remember that.

2) I've made a note of Cheryl Richardson, who was, she still is one of my favourite authors. She was booed on Oprah decades ago for having the temerity to suggest that the audience should be taking care of themselves. She kind of popularised the idea of self-care and yeah, she was booed by lots of mums who had been conditioned to say, No. Now, everyone talks about the oxygen mask and on an aeroplane, you sort yours first, you make sure you're OK. You can breathe before you look after any dependents. Great.

Of course, everyone wants to make sure that other people are safe as well. But I want you to also consider the fact that you, even if you don't have dependents, even if you're just getting your oxygen mask for yourself, you are worthy. I love Cheryl Richardson's approach and she was an enormous inspiration to me early on.

I wouldn't have believed that I'd still be doing this and I'd be loving it even more 21 years later. But I just had a bit of a flicker of the light behind. So yeah, easily distracted ADHD brain.

She is such a gentle presence. Her books are so lovely. And I think for me, even though she was on Oprah, and obviously I was starting out as a coach and complimentary therapist back in 2004, it was her gentle approach. I didn't have the words for it then, therapeutic coaching. And I trained as a coach before I trained as a therapist. So I wasn't doing that yet.

It became what I call self-care coaching. Where I integrate all my offerings, including the yoga, the NLP, the EFT, all of it. But back then she was the only one who... I thought I knew that my coaching was working. I knew it was helping me. I knew it was helping my clients. But when you'd see coaches in the public eye back then, they tended to be very Tony Robbins, who I also love, but very much not my vibe. So yeah, I just wanted to name her as an enormous lesson and blessing.

And also Martha Beck, who I later got to interview, which remains one of my favourite interviews, but just their gentleness and their wisdom. And I'm not suggesting that the more dynamic coaches weren't like that. But I think Martha Beck also was my introduction into working with the body long before I actually started working with the body, because...

This is Mighty Meadbh. I don't know if she's going to say Hello.

I remember her having me and other people in the group identify a really simple, basic way, I'll go into it with the Sole to Soul Circle. To just listen to the body's wisdom, which is always there. This was before I trained as a yoga therapist, before I did any of the somatic work that I do, but it was a real revelation.

So definitely there.

3) And that's what I'm saying, really, when I say number three, you know yourself best, you can trust yourself, you may well have, especially with trauma, especially with ADHD, have been conditioned into believing that you need outside information and outside dictators, like kind of didactic, telling you what to do, how to do everything. Learning how other people have done it can be really helpful, checklists, body doubling, all sorts of things, all of this can be really helpful.

But you don't need it, you know yourself, you know what feels good, you know what doesn't. And the more I've learned, and the more... can you hear her purr?

The more I understand about the nervous system and Polyvagal Theory and how we're wired to thrive when we feel safe, welcome and loved. And with trauma, with ADHD, you may well have been conditioned out of it, but it's never too late to relearn, to notice what feels good, move towards that, what doesn't, move away from that.

4) Feel Better Every Day. I liked the name because it had my name in it, Eve, and it just felt positive.

But I was always careful to avoid toxic positivity, encouraging people to welcome the full emotional landscape. And recognising it's a bit like when you go to the gym, or if you're doing anything fitness-related. As we build muscle, we're breaking muscle down. With personal development work, with trauma recovery, with the Self Care Coaching, with befriending your ADHD brain, a lot of the time you'll feel better after watching a video, or listening to a podcast, or doing one of the exercises I shared, or for people who work with me one-to-one or in groups. But it's not always the case. Healing isn't linear.

It's not like Woohoo! But I think for me, even knowing that I was learning things that were helping me enjoy life and want to be alive, Feel Better Every Day just felt like a lovely name.

5) Following your life force, your charge, your prana, your chi. Again, it's so body-based, and it's energy-based, and it's recognising, in any given moment, where you feel most alive. And it might be joy, it might be gratitude, it might be anger, it might be pain, it might be sadness, it might be jangly anxiety. It could be anything at all.

But the more you get into the habit of connecting with your life force, connecting with your energy, connecting with your charge, connecting with your prana, your chi, it makes everything much easier.

You don't need all the theory. You don't need all the tools. All you need to do is connect with yourself and ask yourself, what do I need? What will help me right now? What am I feeling? What is that an indication of? And it becomes a beautiful, exciting language, learning your own body, learning your own energy.

6) The embodiment, the embodied wellbeing element. And I think it was a huge lesson and blessing to learn that it was safe for me to be in my body. Like I say, all the things I trained in initially, they were to help me.

Start however small you need. There's a lovely exercise around it. You might start with an earlobe, you might start with the tip of your nose, you might start with one toe. Any part of the body that feels neutral and that you can expand on.

We all are embodied in this lifetime, and it's how our souls have chosen to experience the world. And the more embodied we are, the more we are as comfortable in our own skin as possible, the more we enjoy life, the more we can ground, the more we can transcend whatever’s going on for us.

7) Because we're paying attention to those early signs, we're adapting, we're able not only to feel OK, but to feel joy. And to recognise that joy is a wonderful GPS, joy is a way, contentment is a way, love is a way, all the positive emotions, they're ways of guiding us towards our highest goods. Finding safe ways to feel embodied and to build on them is just incredible. I never, ever, ever would have believed that I would be sitting here saying that, I used to be so disembodied.

8) Cats are incredible. And it's Meadbh! I'm not going to lift her now, because she's kind of purring away on my lap and holding paws with me, and I don't want to disturb her. But I kind of, I learned over many, many years, to have more courage to be myself.

And my site, probably since I wrote the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Selfcare Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, I put everything that I was doing at the time into the book. And it kind of was a way for me to out myself with some of my stranger offerings. And I think the more experienced I've got, and the more I've healed myself, the more I've realised it's safe to be me, the more I've really kind of allowed what moves me to drive me.

And I have a whole area of work inspired by the rescue cats, working with polyvagal theory, presenting at a conference and recording CPD for a therapy organisation, and working on a book about it. But I've been, for 13 years since I got Rainbow, it's been so informative. Like before I could get embodied as a human, before I could co-regulate with another human, it was Rainbow Magnificat helped me come to a place of peace and ease in my body on a regular basis, to help her stay in rest digest mode as much as possible, me talking as gently to her, and that became me talking gently to myself as well.

So obviously, I'm still a human. But yeah, cats being incredible had to be number eight.

9) Moving to Purr! Hiss! Freeze! and how I use cats to illustrate Polyvagal Theory (and encourage people to come up with their own names, when naming the dorsal vagal sympathetic survival and ventral vagal states) helping you get to know your own nervous system. You can listen to that episode again, or go to selfcarecoaching.net/feline. And that will take you there. But yeah, I just find it incredible how not just me, but my clients, people I know personally, and groups, we're generally much kinder in the way we talk to a beloved cat or kitten or puppy or dog or lizard or toddler or baby or child. And the more you can think to yourself, the way you talk to yourself matters.

In terms of polyvagal theory, like your tone of voice is hugely important. And that was the start of it for me, really softening my tone of voice, because I didn't want to upset the cat. And as a result, I began to internalise a softer inner voice, then all the tools and techniques and tips and tricks which do work, which are helpful, but they weren't enough for me.

It's simple, just play with it, experiment with it, be gentle with when you kind of go back into less friendly self-talk.

10) Healing can be painful. There were times when I was doing my crystal therapy training, there were times when I was doing my therapy training, oh my god, the amount of full-on snotty nose tears and sobbing and shaking and all of it.

Healing can be painful. You can have spiritual crises where I remember being told ground, ground, ground by my crystal therapy trainer. And later, when I became a trauma therapist and realising how important grounding and resourcing are.

11) But you don't need any training to think how can ground, something like washing up can be grounding, putting your laundry away, walking barefoot in the grass or on the sand. Just putting the feet down, putting like the hands down, like touching the ground, imagining you've got roots going into the heart of the earth, breathing in that nourishing, supportive earth energy. Loads of kind of loads and loads and loads of ways, but I don't want you to be thinking that it's overly complicated.

Think of the times you felt most nourished and supported by the earth's nourishing, supportive, accepting, holding, containing, beautiful healing energy. When have you felt most, you can just undo more of that. In terms of spiritual crises, I wish I had taken more time back then to rest.

I wish I had taken more time back then to process, to sleep, to dream, to nap, to meditate, to journal, to do the things that with hindsight would have helped me not feel like I spent the entire nearly four years of counselling training in an emotional washing machine. You can make it gentler for yourself. So that's number 11.

Healing can be gentle. You get to choose and it really is about prioritising yourself.

12) If you choose gentle, if you choose ease for whatever's coming up for healing for you in any given moment, maybe a lifetime of pain, maybe day to day, trust your nervous system. Stop overriding what you know to be true. You might be thinking you don't understand, and again with trauma, with ADHD, we were conditioned to override.

We were conditioned to endure. We were conditioned to mask, to pretend to be okay when we weren't. But you can unlearn that at any time and your nervous system is designed to help you thrive through what feels good.

It's something that helps you then connect with others to create safety, not just for yourself, but for others. It contributes to peace in your relationships, in your communities, in the world at large, to your connecting with your resourcefulness. And oh my god, if we could live in a world where everyone was safe, welcome and loved, everyone would be in a position to thrive.

No problem would be insurmountable because we'd be working together in ways in which people felt safe enough to make mistakes and to really bring their best selves without pressure to be their best.

13) Is the everyday aspect of the Feel Better Every Day name and creating a life you don't need to retreat from. Self-care is free. You don't need fancy retreats. You can go for them. You can enjoy them. I've facilitated a few myself. It can be wonderful. But self-care is daily. It's hourly. It's every minute. You have a choice with every breath to move towards what feels good, what feels friendly and what doesn't.

And I know that the self-care industry is a multi-million, multi-billion euro industry. But at its core, it's about you connecting with yourself. You don't need fancy candles. You don't need anything.

I've got loads of free resources on the site. The book is very reasonable. There are libraries.

There's the podcast. But there is loads of free information out there, not just from me, free meditations, free yoga nidras, all sorts of things.

But the more you learn to connect with yourself, the more you know in any given moment, what is your life force telling you? What is your nervous system telling you? And listen to it all.

14) Is the lesson and blessing that I've created a life I don't need to retreat from. I've been in this house for six years. I've been in Ireland for six and a half years. And that was probably one of the most dramatic examples for me back in 2018, where I was so upset watching Boris Johnson on the TV, on the news, not facing any consequences from all the lies before the Brexit vote, which kind of led to so much hate and led to so much.

I mean, sunlight's the best disinfectant, but it was just such an awful realisation for me, growing up Indian Irish, born in London, but believing that most people were against what the British Empire had inflicted on so much of the globe and realising, no, that hadn't been the case. So, yeah, I've created a life I don't need to retreat from, which is wonderful.

15) It came from number 15, following my feelings and letting myself sob watching him on the telly on Valentine's Day 2018. And I was single, and I'd been single for a really long time. I was used to using my NLP, my coaching, all the things to get myself into a resourceful state and to not wallow.

But that day, I just let myself sob and sob and sob and sob. And I expected that the idea to move to Ireland would vanish. And for several days, I thought I'd wake up and feel differently.

But the more I learnt, I'd always had an Irish passport, the more I learnt, the more I wanted to do it. But I had to feel that pain, that hurt, that rage. And by this time, I'd gone through my therapy training, I'd done all of that, but it was still such a revelation that from such pain, like I couldn't breathe, I was so upset the idea that hate had been legitimised.

And then later that year, what happened in America, and what's going on now, what's going on in so many parts of the world, it's horrific. And we can use our rage, we can use our pain, we can use our hurt to heal, to make yourself safe, and to then ground resource yourself and figure out what you can do to turn that pain into support for yourself, for others.

16) Going back in time, learning from all over the world, learning from all different ages. So much of

You're Not Stupid, You Just Have Trauma and ADHD

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 07:00:00 +0100

In this episode, I (trauma-therapist, supervisor, Self care coach and author, Eve Menezes Cunningham) share how I transformed (and continue working with it) my inner critic using my rescue cats and better understanding of how trauma and ADHD affect the brain as inspiration. From 21 years of helping others, I reveal some simple shifts that have really helped.

✨ Key takeaways:

• Replace harsh self-talk with gentle "Evie Cat" (well, your equivalent) moments

• Remember, you're not stupid - you just have ADHD or trauma! Challenge that internalised ableism!!!

• Progress over purrfection, always

• Find people who've "harvested their own shame" for support

Whether you're navigating ADHD, trauma, or just being human, this episode offers practical tools for treating yourself with the compassion you, just like everybody else, deserve.

#SelfCompassion #ADHD #TraumaHealing #MentalHealth #SelfCare #InnerCritic #Therapy #Mindfulness #FeelBetterEveryDay

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) and self-care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel. Regulate your nervous system, work with your energy and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love. Accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal. Collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large

Thanks for watching.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get an exclusive deeper dive (these include bonus interviews, EFT Tap Alongs, yoga poses, breath practices, journal prompts and more) each week.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say "Hi" and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

And if you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

CHAPTERS

(0:21) Introduction to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

(1:33) A Mistaken Date and Self-compassion

(3:15) ADHD and Challenging Internalised Labels

(4:36) The Feel. Love. Heal. Framework

(5:03) Feel: Kinder Self-talk and Emotional Release

(8:05) Love: Radical Self-acceptance and Rest

(9:36) Heal: Co-regulation and Compassion for Others

(12:03) Closing Reflections and Resources

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

That make you feel like you have to DO in order to be worthy. You're already worthy. You're already lovable. You're already brilliant. And the more you love yourself, the more compassion you have for yourself, the more you will be able to connect with your resourcefulness, the more you'll be able to create, connect with your creativity.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham. For 21 years next week, I've been running Feel Better Every Day (previously under different names, but for the past nearly 10 years, I don't know the exact years, but) Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net): Self care coaching, trauma-informed therapies and clinical supervision.

I'm also an author and columnist and I love sharing in these episodes. And today's is an unexpected one. My hair's still wet from swimming, but I hadn’t thought I'd be recording today. I was up late last night editing an extended episode for my 21st business birthday around lessons I've learnt in the hope that it will help you learn faster.

I've spent decades, for my own healing and in professional practice, so by sharing these things, the intention is that you don't have to do things the hard way like I did.

Speaking of the hard way, it got to about one o'clock in the morning and I suddenly realised my business birthday is the 9th of September, not the 2nd of September. So I'm way ahead having done so much editing on next week's episode, but I had nothing for today!

Obviously my immediate thought was, “Evie Cat!” But that alone is such huge progress because I would have spent most of my life beating myself up. For more about Evie Cat and using cats to help you feline better every day, working with Polyvagal Theory, you can go to selfcarecoaching.net/feline and listen to the cat episodes of the podcast.

But that, seriously, is one of the quickest things to do. Talk to yourself more gently. Yes, I was annoyed that it was late at night. Yes, I felt stupid. Yes, I thought I worked so hard to navigate dates and times and all the rest of it, and there I was. I'd missed a week.

I very quickly, because of my years and years and years of practice, reminded myself, OK, it's done, I can do another tomorrow. And in Ellyce Fulmore's words, “You're not stupid, you just have ADHD.”

I've read so much about ADHD and listened to so many podcasts and audiobooks and done additional trainings the past good few years now, pre-diagnosis and post. Ellyce Fulmore's book, Keeping Finance Personal, is really gorgeous, and throughout it, she has these little statements like, “You're not bad with money, you just have ADHD”, or “You're not ____, you just have ADHD.”

It's connecting with all those internalised, ableist, “You're lazy, you're stupid, you're all of this” that we've just taken for granted. Even with the work I'm doing, even with compassion being core to all of it, it's a challenge when you make a silly mistake.

The other day, I got my arm caught in the car door, because rather than putting it in the normal way, I put it in... Anyway, I'm constantly being ridiculous, and over the years, I've learnt to be kinder to myself as I do it, so I'm hoping that this episode (Hello, Rainbow!) will help you be kinder to yourself and recognise that whatever mistakes you're making, whatever you're finding challenging, you're not stupid, you just have ADHD, or you just have trauma, and that's absolutely fine.

Both impact executive functioning, and you can put supports in place, and I'm hoping that this episode will help you do that. I'm going to start with the feel part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework.

I've said a bit about some of what I do in terms of the kinder self-talk, the more soothing self-talk, but I want you to encourage yourself to do whatever helps you. For me, Rainbow coming here right now, she is what helped me internalise that more friendly self-talk. Because when she came from the shelter, I wanted her to feel as safe, as secure, as loved as possible, and I had already learnt about Polyvagal Theory.

She's nearly 14, and wow, yes, through the trauma-informed yoga training, and talking to her more kindly, it really integrated my talking to myself more kindly. So, again, in the past, it would have been an immediate, “For f***'s sake, but now it's like , “Evie Cat…” And it's still not like, “Woo-hoo! Evie Cat!” but it's a gentler version. Progress, not purrfection, always.

Think for yourself who you might imagine talking to. Internalise that for yourself. You might have a gorgeous rescue cat or four, well, technically two, I just still feed the every day. You might have a baby, you might have a lizard, you might have donkeys next door, whatever your situation. Think about a puppy, think about any creature who you know you would not be subjecting to the kind of way in which you talk to yourself.

Notice how that feels, and also don't force it, don't force the gentleness. I knew last night that I could quickly record, I have loads and loads of ideas. Yes, I'd missed a week in my yearly plan, because this is the first year I've planned content, but I wasn't worried about creating a shorter podcast episode. I knew I could do it.

If I'd been more worried, if I'd been more stressed, if I'd been more anxious, I could have screamed, or stamped, or done some strong yoga, or push-ups, or jogging on the spot, or gone for a bike ride in the middle of the night, or whatever it might have been. Because it's so important to move the painful emotions out of your body.

Improv massively helped me years ago. I wrote about in the book. You might have classes near you, there might be classes online. Just recognising that life is messy, and the more you can play with it, the more you can learn that Yes And… approach that is the basis of so much improvisation, the easier you can pivot.

And it's actually not a big deal. It's not stopping me doing anything today, just before lunch, doing a quick recording straight out the swimming pool. Moving to the Love part of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework, accept your whole self.

Accept the part of yourself that feels so stupid, that feels so inadequate, that has internalised ableism, when you don't want to have (internally or externally) any kind of ism. The part of you that is exhausted, the part of you that keeps repeating certain behaviours that aren't in your best interest.

Let yourself rest, build in more time to rest, build in more time to sleep than you think you'll need. Look after yourself, build in space to just be, to not have demands on yourself, to not have to perform, to not have to be doing all the things that make you feel like you have to do in order to be worthy.

You're already worthy, you're already lovable, you're already brilliant and the more you love yourself, the more compassion you have for yourself, the more you will be able to connect with your resourcefulness, the more you'll be able to create, connect with your creativity, your playfulness and enjoy life.

Feeling joy, feeling positive emotions, it's helping with nervous system regulation and it's helping you then be a positive force for improving your life, your loved one's lives and the world around you.

Which is how we move into the Heal section of the Feel. Love. Heal. Framework. Co-regulate. Recognise you might often be there for other people. Think about the people who can be there for you.

Even in the middle of the night. I was able to send a message to my partner, kind of like Doh! but in a friendly way to myself. And I knew that he would not be shaming me, like empathising and being friendly. There are other loved ones who I adore and who would have been like, “Oh Eve! Why do you keep doing this?”

Basically the voices I internalised as a small child. I adore them but I've spent my adult life healing from them. As Brené Brown talks about with shame and vulnerability, it's really important to talk to people, to shine a light on it and it's really important to discern who you're talking to.

If I were to have spoken to someone who didn't understand, I'd have felt worse rather than just like, yeah it's fine, I'll sort it tomorrow. You need to find people who have harvested their own shame, their own. We're all human, we'll have areas we feel better about and worse about.

But think when you need to heal, when you need that support or when you're helping someone else. If someone is coming to you feeling ridonkulous about whatever it is they've done, feeling stupid and if you're feeling triggered by what they're saying and if you're kind of noticing you're having to bite your tongue and not agree with them, give them a hug or kindly let them know that you haven't dealt with all of your stuff around this. They might want to go into a deeper conversation with someone else around it. There's no shame in knowing our limitations. The more you have that compassion for yourself, the more you can extend it to others and vice versa.

We can have compassion for others so, so easily, especially with justice sensitivity. And we can learn from that, like I did with the cats, to extend some of that to myself. And my life has transformed in these past 21 years and certainly in the last decade.

Sending enormous love to you wherever you are, whatever you're feeling, welcoming all the emotions rather than toxic positivity telling yourself, “I shouldn't feel stupid.” If you feel stupid, give yourself a hug, connect with that painful, painful realisation that there's a part of you that feels stupid!

Try the self-care ideas I've shared here. Let me know how you're getting on. I love hearing from you.

You can email me or connect through the comments and if you would like to subscribe you can do so.

We're going to have a deeper dive on this in the Sole to Soul Circle tomorrow, so if you are interested you can find out how to join via selfcarecoaching.net and you can access all the episodes through the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com as well as wherever you get your podcasts on YouTube or whatever app you like.

If you subscribe through any of them or follow or to my newsletter you can then get additional information but you might just like to dip in and out and it's whatever's going to be best for you.

I hope you have a gorgeous week ahead. In the show notes you'll find full transcripts and links and other resources that includes the book Self Care, nope, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and there are loads of free resources on the website as well as information about the Sole to Soul Circle and more.

That's selfcarecoaching.net and if you use the search bar you can basically type in anything or go under specialisms to find things specific to for example sleep or ADHD or trauma or menopause or whatever it might be if that's one of my specialisms.

Sending enormous love again and I look forward to sharing the extended episode for my 21st business birthday (which is almost done thanks to my mistake so woohoo!) and have a brilliant week.

Lots of love.

Befriending Your Traumatised and ADHD Inner Children

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 07:00:00 +0100

You were NEVER too much.

In episode 73 of Feel Better Every Day Podcast, trauma therapist, author, producer and host Eve Menezes Cunningham shares some of her decades-long journey of Inner Child work.

You’ll learn:

• Why children with ADHD internalise significantly more criticism and shame

• How to identify different Inner Child parts / subpersonalities (playful, creative, curious, wounded)

• Eve's recent breakthrough with crisps about feeling "too much" from babyhood and how childhood coping mechanisms shaped her adult patterns

• Gentle approaches to Inner Child work that won't overwhelm you

• The Feel...Love...Heal framework for Inner Child work

You were never "too much". You were, like all babies, children and adults across this wondrous world we live in, a miraculous child deserving of love and understanding.

Whether you're new to Inner Child work or revisiting it with fresh perspective, this episode offers trauma-informed, ADHD-friendly guidance for healing those tender parts of yourself.

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel... connect with and honour your lifeforce (charge, prana, chi etc), regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love... accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal... collective care to turn what hurts your heart into action to help heal yourself, your family, organisations, communities and the world at large

RESOURCES

• Episode 65 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

• 365 Ways to Feel Better book

• the Sole to Soul Circle for deeper exploration

Connect with Eve:

🌐 thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

📧 selfcarecoaching.net

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

• Find out more about my private practice for one to one work.

If you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision).

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say "Hi" and share your questions or comments: YouTube @evemenezescunningham Substack @evemc Bluesky @eveimc TikTok @evemenezescunningham Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay And if you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

DISCLAIMER

CHAPTERS

(0:00 - 0:19) Opening: Responsibility for keeping your Inner Child safe

(0:20 - 2:15) Introduction to the podcast and resources

(2:15 - 4:08) Episode focus: working with Inner Children

(4:08 - 6:30) ADHD, trauma, and the impact on Inner Children

(6:30 - 8:45) Using photos to represent different Inner Children

(8:45 - 11:10) Different types of Inner Children: playful, curious, wounded, needy

(11:10 - 12:47) Gentle approach and sharing experiences with Inner Child work

(12:48 - 15:50) Personal story: childhood photos and self-loathing v healing

(15:50 - 19:30) Reflections on childhood eating, parental limitations and self-compassion

(19:30 - 23:10) Accepting joyful and wounded parts of yourself

(23:10 - 26:00) Love phase of Feel… Love… Heal…: connecting with Inner Children through journalling and objects

(26:00 - 29:10) Heal phase: noticing and supporting Inner Children in yourself and others

(29:10 - 32:47) Closing reflections: revisiting Inner Children, self-compassion, and encouragement for continued work

FULL TRANSCRIPT

You're taking responsibility for keeping your Inner Child safe. You as the adult have survived and this can be transformational and a lot can come up.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

To help you create a life you don't need to retreat from and feel better every day. You can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can also access information about the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and all the free resources at selfcarecoaching.net as well as ways in which, if you're interested, each Wednesday the Sole to Soul Circle members get an email and exclusive content which goes into a deeper dive around that week's podcast theme.

Today's episode, episode 73, is about working with our Inner Children. Especially with trauma and ADHD, Inner Child work can be painful. I know I've been going through a bunch of old photos and I ended up going with this as my main one to work with.

A child of the ‘70s, early ‘80s, in the Circle I'll be going into more depth and sharing some of the ways in which I'm working with photos myself and ways in which members can. It's powerful transformational work. You may well have already done some.

This podcast episode is to help you recognise that again with trauma, with ADHD, I can't remember the exact number (ADHD brain) but children growing up with ADHD, because we get things wrong, because we're called careless and told we should be trying harder, it's an enormous amount more criticism that we've internalised than our counterparts who are more neurotypical.

And that has an impact on our Inner Children. We grow up with a lot of shame.

With trauma recovery there's an enormous amount of shame where we were too little to save ourselves, but we still internalise it.

Inner Child work and be transformative and joyful and also really painful. That picture I chose, I hadn't remembered it but I was actually looking for a different picture which I remembered from when I started my Inner Child work more consciously coming up two decades ago and finding a picture of myself at age five or six on a bike in the 1970s/1980s on the cul-de-sac I lived on at the time.

When I saw it the other day it was like, “Oh what a sweet little kid!” Because I've done so much Inner Child work.

Whereas back then, I was filled with loathing and disgust for her! Like why hadn't she done more to like save herself?

If, when I'm saying to you, “You might want to find a photo to represent these different Inner Children for yourself” I'm talking to you not as a one-to-one trauma therapist but through a podcast.

I don't know who you are, I don't know where in the world you are and I am trusting you to look after yourself and your Inner Children rather than going too deep and finding it more painful than anything needs to be.

Again with trauma, with ADHD, we're used to pain, we're used to things being hard.

Inner Child work can be delightful. It can be gentle. It can be so healing but in that not overwhelming cathartic way.

Thinking about your different Inner Children, maybe find a picture to represent your Playful Inner Child. (See episode 65, too)

Your Creative Inner Child (before you, like for all of us, creating for the pure joy of it, whether it's painting or drawing or singing or playing music or whatever, games, like whatever it might have been before it suddenly became about being good at whatever you were doing).

That Curious Inner Child. You might still have that curiosity or it might have been conditioned out of you at an early age if your parents were fearful about you getting into trouble and hurting yourself.

That Wounded Inner Child. That Needy Inner Child. That Inner Child that feels Too Much, that feels not worthy, that feels unlovable.

There are going to be joyful elements, Joyful Inner Child subpersonalities, joyful Inner Children.

And also ones that you can't currently sit with.

For the Feel… part of the Feel… Love… Heal… framework, notice how you felt as I've said this so far.

Make a note of some of your Inner Children (or one, like I'm saying “some of”. ADHD brain. I generally have a list of about 60 of anything) and be open to finding a photo to represent that (or those) Inner Child(ren).

Feel free to share them with me!

I'd love to see them, tag me on my social media, the links are in the show notes. If photos feel too much. Like I mentioned, I had a terrible experience the first time I tried doing this with mine, I was just overcome with self-loathing. I used a ragdoll, I was encouraged to get a ragdoll to represent Little Me and I did some healing with that using some crystals. Some energy work around it.

Again I'll be going into more of this in the Circle tomorrow, but just take that step, just think about that Inner Child. Know that even if you grew up believing that you were too much, you weren't.

I had a real epiphany a few weeks ago and this is, I'm nearly 50, I've been working on my Inner Children for DECADES and there's always new levels of healing to come up. I was in a situation where I was on an island. An island off Ireland. And I was worried about not having food. My basic need for food not being met.

I was feeling really frustrated both with the restaurants that I'd been in touch with in advance (and then being told I couldn't even have peas with my chips, because yes the peas were vegan, but they were only available with the fish and obviously that's not vegan).

With the pepper allergy as well, that feeling. I was very much feeling unsafe. And like I was too much. I made the connection that when I went vegetarian when I was like 11, 12 my mum was working, my dad was working, I was (I didn't know it, I had) ADHD and I was very particular about what I would eat.

I didn't like vegetables and my parents kind of threw up their hands and gave up on me and I would basically have a packet of bourbons for lunch or a Feast ice cream or an iced bun. I just ate terribly for years and years and years. And then when I went back to eating meat for a few months when I was 17, 18, I had a massive growth spurt.

A few weeks ago, I made this connection when I was kind of thinking, “Oh, I don't even have any crisps to eat” and it was like, “Oh my God/dess! Yeah! Crisps were safe!!!!!”

So all these years where I've eaten more crisps, not so much recently but I'd often have like six packets of crisps for dinner. I’d think, “I'm not hungry enough to eat a meal, I'll just have a packet of crisps” and then that would become another and another and another and realising, Wow my parents did their best, I adore them and also they didn't know it was a different time, it was the ‘90s, they didn't know how to accommodate my eating and being vegetarian when not many people were. I don't know if anyone remembers Beanfeast, hideous, but recognising.

Wow, so from pre-verbal, I had internalised the idea, as a baby, that in certain situations when I was needy or when I was wounded I was too much. But where I was happy, where I was like enthusiastic and joyful and that was welcomed. That was like celebrated.

So I have a very enthusiastic nearly 50 year old that has been conditioned. And it's about me now befriending that more wounded, those more wounded parts of myself, the more needy parts of myself, the parts that still sometimes believe that I'm too much, not enough, unlovable, not worthy.

I'm telling you this because I want you to be honest with yourself about the messiness of your own Inner Children.

For the Love… part of the Feel… Love… Heal… framework, if it feels okay for you, if it's within your “window of tolerance”, sit with an Inner Child or your Inner Children.

Journal, give them a mental or physical hug, maybe choose a soft toy to connect with, maybe a fabric from a blanket, whatever it might be.

Again, you're taking responsibility for keeping your Inner Child safe. You, as the adult, have survived. And this can be transformational. And a lot can come up. So go really gently with yourself.

And for the Heal… part, think about the kids and adults in your life today. Think about what you notice, what you hypothesise about their Inner Children. Notice the times where perhaps the adults in their lives are human and snap. They don't light up with joy when they see the marvels before them, that every child being miraculous, every human being miraculous.

See if there are ways in which you can help their Inner Children and kids, appropriately obviously.

How can you help? How can you light up for other people? How can you see them in their wholeness, in their full, playful, creative, curious and wounded, needy, too muchness?

Begin to notice those opportunities. As I said there'll be more tomorrow for the deeper dive for the Sole to Soul Circle members and you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net

And I'd love for you to just let me know how you're getting on.

Have you done Inner Child work before? How does it feel now to be revisiting it? Or potentially exploring different Inner Children, ones that you may have neglected in the past or that it's been a while since you acknowledged?

Are you excited? Are you thinking this could be really helpful but like there's a bit of dread?

Honour how you feel, thank you for listening, I'll be sharing more next week and this episode, like all of them so far, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.

I really hope that you give yourself some grace and time and patience and care and tenderness and kindness and lots and lots of love for yourself now and your earlier selves. All of them, but particularly whichever Inner Child or Inner Children have sprung up for you as you've been listening to this or pondering this. Have a delightful week and I'll see you next time.

The "Independent Woman" Trap: Episode 72 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Do You Have High-functioning Co-dependence?

Feeling exhausted despite "having it all together"? You might be trapped in high functioning co-dependence. Especially with trauma and ADHD, we’re so conditioned, from a preverbal age, to ignore our own knowledge, wisdom, wants and needs and prioritise others’. And it’s never too late to step into your power.

In this episode, you’ll:

· Learn why capable, independent people often ignore their own needs while constantly caring for others

· Learn how the "Good Girl" and "Independent Woman" conditioning keeps us from asking for help, accepting support or even knowing what we truly want

· Discover practical tools to break free from the cycle of over-giving

· Recognize when you're accepting "floor fries" instead of what you deserve and

· give yourself permission to know what you know and want what you want without guilt. (Tomorrow’s Sole to Soul Circle special will dive deeper into this).

Stop exhausting yourself trying to be lovable. Remember that you already are worthy. Exactly as you are. You’re totally lovable exactly as you are. You’re enough. You’re not too much and the moment you recognise this, everything gets easier.

Resources mentioned: Terri Cole (Boundary Boss), Kasia Urbaniak (Unbound), Kara Loewentheil (Unf*** Your Brain) Meggan Watterson (Reveal etc) and Gloria Steinem (Revolution from Within etc)

#HighFunctioningCodependence #SelfCare #Boundaries #ADHD #Trauma #WomenEmpowerment

Feel Better Every Day!

Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on. With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:

• Feel... regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love... accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal... turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say "Hi" and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack

Eve Menezes Cunningham

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham @rescuecattitude @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

CHAPTERS

(0:00 - 1:42) Opening thoughts on exhaustion and high functioning co-dependence

(3:10 - 4:35) Introduction to episode topic and Terri Cole’s definition

(4:35 - 5:21) Kasia Urbaniak and the “good girl” and “independent woman”

(8:12 - 10:03) Shifting attention away from yourself to the aggressor

(13:09 - 15:48) The “smoosh” and losing power in relationships

(20:48 - 23:09) Kara Loewentheil’s “floor fries” metaphor

(33:38 - 34:55) Gloria Steinem’s toilet training and fascism insight

DISCLAIMER

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Also notice the times when you feel exhausted and be honest with yourself about the potential for high functioning co-dependence and is there someone or some area in your life where you're more prone to it, where you feel like you have to do, you have to go along with, you have to, whatever it is, in order to be lovable, in order to be worthy. And just know, even if you have to keep telling yourself, know with every fibre of your being that you already are.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma informed and ADHD friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

The idea is to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from so you can feel better every day and you can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. For deeper dives into each episode, including bonus interviews when they're interview episodes, plus access to a rich archive of exclusive material, including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle and there are other resources like the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and lots of book bonus videos on the website selfcarecoaching.net

And lots of other free resources around trauma, ADHD, anxiety, stress, confidence, perimenopause and menopause, self-care for solopreneurs, confidence, I can't remember if I said that, resilience, decolonising yourself, trying to think what I've forgotten, but I've kind of spent a lot of time in the past year or so trying to create more of a library type feel for each of the specialisms to make it much more accessible and easy to use.

I hope you find that helpful and do let me know what you'd like more of and if you have any questions. That's selfcarecoaching.net.

For today's episode, episode 72, we're looking at high functioning co-dependence and it's a term I learnt from the American author and podcast host, Boundary Boss, Terri Cole.

Basically, it also confirms a lot of what Kasia Urbaniak talks about when she talks about the Good Girl and the Independent Woman actually being related. What Terri Cole explains around high functioning co-dependence is you wouldn't think of yourself as a typical codependent person because you're not sitting around weeping and wailing and unable to function.

Instead, you're the one who is doing everything for everyone and you seem like you have it all together, but the point is that you're utterly exhausted because so much of your time and energy and attention is on what other people need.

I thought I'd explore it a little bit today, but am very much encouraging you to check out Terri Cole's work. She does entire courses around this and she has some really lovely podcast episodes and the book. Kasia Urbaniak is another, like I mentioned, the Good Girl and the Independent Woman.

She talks about the Good Girl and how we were all conditioned through thousands of years of patriarchal conditioning, where women condition obviously as well as men, but it's to benefit the patriarchy.

Because if anything bad happened to a girl or a woman, because she was blamed, all the kind of shaming around sexuality and clothing and behaviour and very much conditioned to be a good girl, a marriageable girl. It's only relatively recently that women could have their own money, their own credit cards, their own businesses. That is something that might sound familiar, but it's more likely that you'll be like, “Nope! That's not me! I had lots of choices. I was told I could do whatever I wanted, be whatever I wanted.”

And this is where she starts talking about the Independent Woman. The Independent Woman sounds like a wonderful thing, but the way she describes it, it's basically, we have created a situation where we are independent, we can do what we want, but it has left us unable to accept help and support and also too scared of feeling too bossy.

If you're too much, then it's the “too bossy”. And if you're in Good Girl, it's “too needy”. Kasia used to work as a dominatrix and I've been recommending her work to everyone. She is phenomenal. She also trained for 12 years as a Taoist nun.

She was doing a lot of energy work and set up The Academy to support people in finding their power. She works with women because it's women's conditioning that makes our attention go inward when we're under attack. Whether it's sexual harassment, verbal or in an actual situation like where you're physically in danger or whether it's a boss asking an inappropriate question or a random on the street, whatever it might be.

Kasia explains how we're all conditioned as girls, as women, to be focused on how we are. Our attention defaults to, “What did I do to deserve that?”

Whereas boys are trained to focus on what they do. It's the more active, they're more likely.

She says nine out of 10 times if someone says something inappropriate to a man, it'll be like, “Why would you say that?”

Her recommendation is that you immediately ask a question. So you avoid that default that leads to the freeze response. And you're instead, it could be a, “Why would you think that's okay to ask?” Or it might be something witty. It might, like think of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They're doing the reboot and she would not only slay, but she would have some witty repartee with each thing.It might be a situation that you later think, “Oh, I wish I'd said that.”

But Kasia's point is you don't even need to say anything clever or even related. The idea is to take the attention, the unwanted attention off yourself. And immediately put it onto the aggressor. It might be, “What colour are your eyes?” Or “Why are you wearing that tie?” It doesn't matter what it is. The idea is you're not going inwards and vulnerable in those few moments. I really recommend you check out her work. Her book Unbound is about helping women to get over that Good Girl conditioning, that Independent Woman conditioning.

What I found incredibly helpful, and how it links with this episode around co-dependence is high functioning co-dependence. To me, the Independent Woman is very much what Terri Cole is talking about.

Got it all sorted. Don't need any help. Can I take that bag for you? Nope, I'm fine. I've got it.

Can I pay for you for whatever? Nope, it's all good. I don't need anyone to pay for me.

Can I hold a door open for you? Nope.

She talks about what she calls the smoosh. When she talks about Dom or Sub, obviously that's BDSM but it has applications in all our lives because our lives are all about power dynamics, all our relationships. But in the dungeon, it's more exaggerated.

Some people will talk about masculine energy, feminine energy, the feminine being more receptive, the masculine being more... I can't think of the word right now, but just thinking in terms of when you're able to be clear in what you want, when you're able to allow yourself to know what you know and want what you want and to express it clearly, whether you're coming from a dominating energy and you're just demanding what you want, but in a way in which others want to give it to you, or whether you're coming from the submissive.

And again, we have connotations around all of it. You might think, “Oh, I don't like that” but you might translate it for masculine, feminine if that feels good for you or whatever. Just notice how you feel. Notice what comes up for you when you think about saying, “I need this.”

This is where we get into trouble, and I really recognise this myself in my relationships, my whole life. I've been changing it, I've been healing it, and they're much, much better. But where I find myself in trouble is what she calls the smoosh.

It's where I don't want to be too needy, and I don't want to be too bossy. I'm messing, in terms of the Taoist work she's done, with the energies. The clean energies mean being clear about what you want, that kind of owning it. Being clear and able to accept what others want to give you when you want it. She talks about the smoosh, where you're in neither, and you're taking away the power from both.

For example, I grew up loathing the idea of any kind of princessy behaviour. Any kind of entitled… “I can open my own doors, thank you very much,” or anything like that. Whereas what I've learned from listening to her, is actually, why not let ourselves receive? Why not let ourselves enjoy all the good life has to offer when we want it, and when it's freely given? Why not allow ourselves to have that vulnerability when appropriate, and to really connect with it in ourselves and others?

And she's talking about the power in that, inherent in it when you don't deny it, but also the power in terms of knowing what you want, and giving yourself permission, giving others permission. She talks about giving a role, giving others a role in your life. When you ask for someone to step up, it might go against all the Independent Woman conditioning.

I realise that I'm talking… I normally, I want all my work to be freely available to people of all genders, but this is specifically for people who've been raised female. Kasia wants to work with men, but she's found through her experiments, her laboratory, she's talking about for women.

I hope this resonates, but it will also hopefully resonate for other people as well. Notice how you feel when you know you want something, or if you've been so conditioned out of what you want.

How it feels to give yourself permission to know what you know, and want what you want, and to not have that codependent fear of not being lovable, not being worthy, not being acceptable, not being powerful enough, being too powerful. It gets, you can totally understand why it gets so smooshy.

I'd love for you to think about how you feel listening to this so far, and to think about whether you ever push help, support your needs being met in ways that feel good for everyone involved, away.

Because you're not taking full ownership of your power, you're giving your power away, and you're also not allowing yourself to need. We’re all humans, men, women, non-binary, we all need to give, we all need to receive.

When Kasia talks about dominance, and she's very much talking about the exchange of energy, so the attention out and the attention in, the talking, the listening, that it's such a powerful, I really encourage you to listen to some of her work, read some of her work, if it resonates.

And in this week's Circle deeper dive, there'll be a recording, so self-study, and Self-study with the uppercase S, because you're really going inward, so you can use it at your own pace.

It will be available in the exclusive membership area of the Substack, but we'll be having a deeper dive into helping you find out what you want, even if you've had decades and decades of conditioning to not only not ask for what you want, but not even to acknowledge to yourself what you want.

There is so much power, and it makes me laugh, because my work has been all around this, like self-care and all, for decades now. And it's one of the questions I ask all new clients, “What do you want?” And I sometimes say it's harder than some of the ones around like suicidal ideation or trauma and all the others, because so many people, they just don't know.

But you DO know when you give yourself permission to know. And this is where I encourage embodied journalling, where you record yourself, and you, I'm realising I've moved into the Feel part of the Feel… Love… Heal… framework without identifying that.

You might record just audio, or you might record video. I recommend video, so you can see yourself. Notice how it feels to allow your stream of consciousness, say some of the things you want.

I'm challenging myself, because I turned 50 in November, and I started a list a few weeks ago of 50 things that I want. Some of them are, I want to have finished the weeding around the house. I want to have the, like, kind of garden the area more. Other things, like I wanted to get a new kitchen tap, because there was a drip. Some of them are going to be just as exciting as that. Things around the house, or things with the car.

Other things are going to be deeper. Other things are going to be more pleasurable. Other things, I'm just going to let myself see what comes up, but the idea of giving myself permission to want 50 things. Some of them I can do for myself. Some things I'll be asking loved ones, or I'll be, like, kind of needing professional support with, or whatever it might be.

But let yourself want what you want, and I want to also ask you to notice how it feels to imagine asking someone to help you get what you want. And this is where the smoosh can occur, in Kasia's terms, because it's like, “Oh, I shouldn't want it, or they're busy” or whatever.

What I found really helpful is, she talks quite harshly, but I also really recognise it in so many of the heteronormative couples that I know, and some of those whom I've worked with: Where the woman is so used to doing everything, she basically trains the man to be what Kasia calls a couch potato, or a worm.

He goes in on himself, he loses his sense of self-worth, and often then has an affair, and it's like, “Why would you do that?” I'm thinking of all the female Oscar winners who have then been cheated on, and it's that kind of, no one's fault, this is purely about unspoken power dynamics. But her point is that when we allow people to step up, when we allow people to help us get what we want, we're also helping them. They're gaining a role in our lives. This is good for everyone.

And of course, if they don't, then that's information. You recognise you were not wrong to ask, but you get to think, “No, I'm going to…”

And this is where I want to move on to Kara Loewentheil, and she does the Unfuck Your Brain podcast. And there was something, I can't remember what episode it was, and I've told hundreds of people about this concept of floor fries. So the idea of, like, when we're feeling codependent, so we might not look it, but we're feeling like our worth hinges on someone else's treatment of us, rather than us having that inherent, we're all part of the

Shadow Work with Black Cats and Sharks

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 07:00:00 +0100

For Black Cat Appreciation Day this week, we explore how we "other" creatures like sharks and black cats - and how this mirrors the parts of ourselves we reject. Join the Sole to Soul Circle for a live (online) deeper dive into your own shadow on Monday 18th August

🖤 Join Eve Menezes Cunningham as she dives into shadow work using the Feel...Love...Heal framework. Inspired by Netflix's "Shark Whisperer" and her own rescue cats (especially Rainbow MagnifiCat), Eve explores how embracing our whole selves (including the parts we've labelled as "monstrous") can transform our relationships and create a more compassionate world.

✨ You'll learn:

* How projection keeps us from seeing our full humanity

* Why we fear powerful parts of ourselves

* Gentle approaches to shadow work and self-acceptance

* How loving our rejected parts heals our connections with others

🔗 Join the Sole to Soul Circle for deeper shadow work exploration

🔗 Find more resources at selfcarecoaching.net

Next week: High Functioning Co-dependence (Episode 72)

#shadowwork #SelfCare #TraumaInformed #ADHDFriendly #Podcast #SelfAcceptance #feelbettereveryday

This episode features special guest appearances from Mighty Meadbh, Eve's rescue cat 🐱

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on. With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:

• Feel... regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love... accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal... turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

https://selfcarecoaching.net

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say "Hi" and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham (and @rescuecattitude and @thefeelbettereverydaypodcast)

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

CHAPTERS / CATPURRS

(0:00 – 0:58) Black cat cameo and podcast intro

(0:59 – 11:02) Sharks, shadow work and misunderstood creatures

(11:02 – 11:31) Healing through acceptance

(11:33 – 13:20) Leaving the world better than you found it

(13:20 – 15:18) Shadow work and embracing our power

(15:19 – 16:34) Rescue cats, love, and letting it expand

DISCLAIMER

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Like Marianne Williamson talked about… [pop Marianne Williamson into the Search on my site to read my interview with her]. I think I have a cat behind me. I do, I have a cat right next to me. It's not a black cat, it's Mighty Meadbh, little wondercat. She was the feral mammy who, oh bless her, she's gorgeous. And I othered her, when she appeared in the garden, she was terrorising Rainbow. I didn't know she had all the kittens at the time, but she kept turning up and I was like, oh my god, I can't have any more cats. And then there were 11 cats and I had to deal with them.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to episode 71 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday, I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

Ideally, to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from. You can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and for deeper dives into each week's theme, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle. As well as bonus interviews and practices, there are live circles online and instant access to the whole Love Your Whole Self chakra journey.

You might also find the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, helpful. And other resources available at selfcarecoaching.net.

Today's episode, in honour of Black Cat Appreciation Day this week, I was hoping to have a little cameo from Rainbow, but we're going to be talking about sharks, those misunderstood monsters.

I recently watched Shark Whisperer on Netflix. If you haven't seen it, I recommend at least giving it a go. I would not have thought it was my kind of programme / documentary at all and I absolutely adored it. Someone close to me really pushed recommending it and I'm so glad I did.

It follows Ocean Ramsey as she uses her long history with sharks. From the time she was growing up in Hawaii she wasn't scared. She swims with them and does an enormous amount of work trying to save them from the real monsters on the planet, the humans.

Sorry, I don't mean to be down on humans.

There are many, many amazing humans, but the point of Black Cat Appreciation Day is that a lot of people malign paw, beautiful black cats as unlucky, as bad somehow, as not photogenic enough. They brought in this day to help rescues place more black cats.

Rainbow Magnificat (obviously every day is Rainbow Appreciation Day here) changed my life.

Sharks changed Ocean Ramsey's life. The power of connecting with her own energy as she works with theirs and also what she's had to do in life… I'm so happy she found her partner who's equally in love with sharks.

For the purpose of this episode, we're not going to be diving with sharks. We're not even going to be swimming with sharks. I've also been watching, what is it? Shark: Celebrity Infested Waters, which again, is aiming to bring awareness.

I wish they'd shown more around what they were doing to support contestants with their anxiety and fears. It could be quite educational in that regard as well, but the sharks are amazing.

We call sharks monsters. I don't, but a lot of people hate sharks. They won't swim in the ocean. They're scared because we've been taught to fear them. They've been othered.

Unfortunately, we live in a time where many, many, many groups of people and individuals are othered for things they have no control over. The more we own our whole shadows, the more we can bring about a more peaceful way of life for all who come into contact with us by not projecting our fears and our monstrous parts onto others.

Start by asking yourself, have you ever really, really, really not liked someone?

And it might be like absolutely loads of people you really don’t like, or it might be, “Oh, I'm not supposed to dislike people.”

The more we can work with the parts of ourselves that don't like someone and own those parts we're projecting out onto them back in ourselves, we can create beautiful friendships. We can really transform things.

But if we just let ourselves dismiss politicians, people, like entire groups of people as completely monstrous, we're dehumanising ourselves. We're all complex. We're all worthy of love and safety and shelter and all good things.

I want you to think about how you feel about addressing your shadow. As we move into the feel, part of the Feel... Love... Heal... framework, do you consider black cats to be bad luck? Do you consider sharks to be monsters?

Think of something you dislike or someone you dislike or even hate and just ask yourself how it feels to contemplate the possibility that what you hate within them or what you dislike or what you fear in them is within yourself.

We're going to be doing a deeper dive into shadow work on Monday the 18th for Sole to Soul Circle members.

You can join if you're not already a member at evemc.substack.com. It's just eight euros a month and you can leave anytime. And you have that instant access.

But because of the nature of shadow work, it's an RSVP circle and I'm very much encouraging live attendance for Monday the 18th of August at 6.30pm to 7pm so that there's no recording.

It's a sensitive issue and I want people to feel really safe. Think about how that feels for you.

Are you scared of shadow work? Are you scared to look within yourself and think about what it might be within you?

It's not all, like, scary stuff. It's not all, like, unlucky stuff. It's not. Sometimes, like, Marianne Williamson talked about… [pop Marianne Williamson into the Search on my site to read my interview with her] I think I have a cat behind me. I do. I have a cat right next to me.

It's not a black cat. It's Mighty Meadbh, little wondercat. She was the feral mammy who, oh bless her, she's gorgeous.

And I was othering her. When she appeared in the garden, she was terrorising Rainbow. I didn't know she had all the kittens at the time, but she kept turning up and I was like, oh my god, I can't have any more cats. And then there were 11 cats and I had to deal with them.

But think about for the love part of the Feel... Love... Heal... framework. Sorry, she's acting like I'm a tree. She's kind of cutting into my leg there. So professional.

Thinking about the Love part of the Feel... Love... Heal... framework and how you, how it might feel to even begin to imagine accepting the parts of yourself, the part of yourself that you struggle to accept, that you might be projecting into others or that you know you have done in the past.

If you've seen Moana, I've got a couple blog posts about it. If you go to selfcarecoaching.net and just search Moana, Moana 2. I don't think I'm giving away spoilers to share that she's a delightful animation character with an enormous heart.

There's a scene in it where there's this dangerous island and everyone fears and loathes this island. She recognises that the island was traumatised and needs love and healing. She has such a big heart, she is able to help that island heal and turn into this bountiful, beauteous, fertile, gorgeous land.

I'm not suggesting anyone does this in any way, shape or form to endanger themselves. I'm not talking about diving with sharks, swimming with sharks, anything like that. If you're in a situation, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries are always essential.

But being open to the humanity in the person, it's helping you also be open to your whole humanity. Notice if it's possible. If you think about what you're potentially rejecting in yourself, can you be with this part of yourself?

I don't want to go into too much detail in this open podcast. As I said, I'll be going into more depth with shadow work in the Circle on Monday evening. But if it feels good for you, I'm trusting you to know yourself best. This can be quite deep work, this can be quite scary and powerful. It can also be really gentle and delightful. If it feels good for you, think about a part of yourself that you have rejected, that you have considered monstrous or unlucky or whatever it is, unphotogenic, whatever it is.

Just notice how it feels to send that part of you some love, some compassion, some acceptance.

And it might be, “Yep, I can imagine doing that. I might even go back to a few weeks ago and dig out that Metta meditation for the unloved parts or the parts that are harder to love, and for Sole to Soul Circle members.”

But you don't need to do that. You can just send some love. It might be from a distance, or you might really connect with this part and embrace it.

Notice what feels good for you. Let yourself be. You don't have to change anything, just see how it feels to love, see how it feels to accept.

To move on to the Heal part of the Feel... Love... Heal... framework, ask yourself, what kind of world do you want to live in?

We're all connected. We're all equal. We happen to be born in places where we're luckier than others or to families or parents. There are all sorts of different types of privilege. But can you imagine how much better things would be for everyone if all creatures, ourselves included, owned our shadows?

It might be that you love sharks or black cats or whatever creatures. It might be that you work with groups of people who are typically misrepresented and demonised, all sorts of unkind ways of working.

I want to leave you with a quote from Juan [Shark Whisperer], I'm afraid I didn't catch his last name, his mother Marlou West had told him. He was Ocean Ramsey's photographer. He came across her because he was photographing in the ocean surfers and what have you. And then they got together.

He talked about his mother always saying to, “Try to leave the world a little better than you found it.”

Thinking for yourself, what can you do?

It might be advocating for something that scares you like sharks or anything else, black cats, whatever.

What will you do to make things a little better for yourself, your family, your loved ones, your community, your organisations? What can you do?

And what will you give yourself permission to do, even if perhaps like sharks or black cats, it scares you a little.

If you were to imagine that you could, I love the Gloria Steinem quote about acting as if everything you do matters because it might. What kind of difference do you want to make? And how can you? That's another shadow part you might want to come back to. It's not all the scary stuff.

It's not all the shameful stuff. It's not all the things that we think aren't nice. It's often the powerful parts. It's often the fear. I got distracted by the cat, didn't I? I was saying about the Marianne Williamson.

And the our deepest fear is not that way. I've forgotten. I interviewed her ages ago, but it's gorgeous. But it is that powerful beyond measure, that fear of your own power. That's an important part of shadow work, too.

Just like the shark and the cat and all creatures have their vulnerabilities, have their powers, we are the same. We want to welcome the whole emotional landscape. We want to welcome our whole selves, love our whole selves, have more compassion for ourselves and others, and create a bit more ease in this wonderful world we get to live in.

So next week, we're going to be exploring high functioning codependence. I hope you'll join us for that (episode 72).

In the meantime, thank you so much for listening. If you haven't already, and you would like to, feel free to rate, review, comment, subscribe, share with someone who might enjoy this episode. Thank you again for listening.

This episode was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. And she's back! Rainbow, of course, Black Cat Week is nowhere to be seen. But look, little Meadbh! Little gorgeous, gorgeous Meadbh. She's, oh my god, they're so gorgeous. This morning, feeding Angel and Teri Crews Cat, they're still the ferals outside. They come inside occasionally. But Angel goes for all the other cats, unfortunately. He was a runt. And Meadbh here kept him alive by feeding him as one of her own little kittens.

When I went from one to 11 overnight, as I got to know them, it was like, there were just so many cats. And it was like, why are there sometimes five kittens and sometimes six? It turns out Angel was from a different litter. But he has forgotten that his mammy, or his surrogate mammy, who helped keep him alive. And he'll terrorise her as well.

But with me, like this morning, like normally he lets me pick him up after like nearly two years in the shed when I've put the food down. But this morning, he let me pick him up right outside the house. And he just kind of goes, all like purr and rubs noses with me. And you just think, they are rescue cats, all creatures, sharks. Just think about something you love that other people don't.

Let that love expand for you. Let yourself know love is never wrong. And protect yourself, like have healthy boundaries, but enjoy the good, the healing, the connections, all of it, and have an amazing week.

Be More Cat

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 07:00:00 +0100

🐱 What if the secret to better self-care was as simple as being more cat?

In this special International Cat Day episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, Eve Menezes Cunningham shares how her rescue cat, Rainbow MagnifiCat transformed not just her life, but her entire approach to trauma-informed self-care and nervous system healing.

Whether you love cats or just need permission to prioritise what feels good, this episode will help you reconnect with your innate wisdom and give yourself more of the curiosity, love and care you deserve.

You'll discover:

Some of the connections between Polyvagal Theory and Feline Better Every Day
How speaking gently to your cat can heal your inner critic
The "Purr! Hiss! Freeze!" method for mapping your nervous system states
How cats can help humans improve self-worth and boundary setting
Practical ways to find ventral vagal (Purr!) moments of safety and connection
How to break free from conditioning that works against your natural instincts

Purrfect for you if:

✓ You struggle with harsh self-talk or inner criticism

✓ You're interested in trauma-informed, ADHD-friendly self-care

✓ You want to understand your nervous system better

✓ You're ready to embrace your authentic self (like cats do naturally!)

✓ You love cats and want to learn from their unapologetic confidence

Eve has been using rescue cats to help people befriend their nervous systems for over 13 years. In this episode, she shares how imagining yourself as a beloved cat can help you heal your nervous system.

Key takeaways:

Cats know their worth without needing external validation
Gentle tone of voice impacts how safe we feel (with ourselves and others)
Micro-moments of feeling good build up to heal your nervous system
You can map your own nervous system

Feel Better Every Day!

• Feel... regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

• Love... accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

• Heal... turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack https://evemc.substack.com and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

If you’d like to leave a review and/or rate this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed, your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

CHAPT-PURRS

(0:00 - 1:26) Talking kindly to cats (and ourselves)

(1:27 - 5:19) Introducing the episode and Be More Cat

(5:20 - 9:18) Map your nervous system with your equivalent of Purr! Hiss! Freeze!

(9:18 - 13:17) Conditioning, connection and ventral vagal moments

(13:18 - 14:29) Bringing that glorious cat energy into the world

(14:29 - 16:57) Media training your nervous system and self-expression

(16:58 - 17:26) Final thoughts and next week’s episode for Black Cat Appreciation Day: SHARKS!

RESOURCES

Full show notes and exclusive content: https://selfcarecoaching.net/blog
Deeper dive content: Join the Sole to Soul Circle https://evemc.substack.com
Book: "365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing"
More on cats and the nervous system (including Purr! Hiss! Freeze! and Smelly Cat episodes) at https://selfcarecoaching.net/feline

DISCLAIMER

#BeMoreCat #TraumaInformed #SelfCare #PolyvagalTheory #NervousSystem #ADHD #RescueCats #SelfCompassion #Mindfulness #Healing #PurrHissFreeze

Be More Cat, Trauma Informed, Self Care, Polyvagal Theory, Nervous System, ADHD, Rescue Cats, Self Compassion, Mindfulness, Healing, Purr! Hiss! Freeze!

Will ADHD Medication Work for Me?

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0100

In this Episode 69, I share my unfiltered daily video diaries from the first 8 days starting ADHD medication (Tyvense 30mg, then 40mg).

After getting diagnosed in August 2024 and waiting months due to required cardiology tests, I finally began this journey during a particularly stressful time (seriously sick loved one).

I share:

Day-by-day honest experiences, including the "cheating at life" feeling on day
Practical challenges like figuring out breakfast and protein timing
Wins: You know, the little things like leaving the house without forgetting anything, tackling months of bookkeeping without tears
The grief and wonder of experiencing what a "normal" brain feels like
Tips for breakfast solutions and managing expectations
How it affected my yoga nidra and physical yoga practices and meditation and
Why proper rest matters for the medication to work

This isn't medical advice. It's my lived experience, shared to help demystify the process for others considering ADHD medication. Everyone's journey is different, but I hope this helps you feel more informed and less alone.

Next week: How cats can help make everything better (it's International Cat Day!)

RESOURCES

• The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

• Sole to Soul Circle (bonus content & deeper dives)

• Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Always consult your healthcare provider about medication decisions. This is purely my personal experience.

Some relevant posts: https://selfcarecoaching.net/2023/07/31/happy-lughnasadh/ https://selfcarecoaching.net/2019/08/01/happy-lughnasadh-what-are-you-harvesting/ https://selfcarecoaching.net/2025/01/07/2025-is-so-last-week-how-do-you-hope-to-be-living-and-feeling-this-time-next-year/ https://selfcarecoaching.net/2025/02/04/some-self-compassion-around-my-own-journey-with-mental-health-issues/

Feel Better Every Day!

Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel… (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Love… (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Heal… (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for watching or listening. New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode. Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

• While my private practice for one to one work (trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision) is almost always at capacity, if you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s still worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to book your free telephone consultation in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together.

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say “Hi” and share your questions or comments:

DISCLAIMER The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

Chapters and timestamps

(0:00 – 2:06) Intro – self-care, Sole to Soul Circle, book, and podcast overview

(2:07 – 2:50) ADHD and creativity – not feeling ashamed of doing many things

(2:52 – 6:29) Starting ADHD medication – nervousness and high hopes

(6:30 – 10:05) Day one reflections – “cheating at life” and immediate impact

(12:33 – 16:41) Accounting wins – numbers, memory and streamlining admin

(16:42 – 16:57) Breakfast – ADHD morning routine challenges

(19:06 – 25:00) Systems, euphoria and grief – realising how hard it’s been

(27:36 – 27:50) Catching up on months of financial admin

(27:51 – 28:07) Feeling the effects wear off

(28:08 – 28:38) Yoga, cats and less weirdness on day two

(28:39 – 29:06) Working on a Saturday and feeling fine

(29:07 – 29:26) Clarifying this is my personal experience

(29:27 – 30:18) Day three: an early start and protein first thing

(30:38 – 31:11) Chips, vegetables and concern about the drive home

(31:12 – 31:39) Medication and navigating very little sleep

(31:40 – 32:07) Reflecting on the impact and feeling grateful

(33:31 – 33:55) Realising how much time I’ve wasted

(33:56 – 34:18) Psychiatrist advice and overscheduling ADHD brains

(34:19 – 34:47) Looking forward to Monday and letting go of tasks

(34:48 – 36:02) Yoga nidra: appreciating stillness, not rushing

(36:03 – 36:42) Day four: I am not a squirrel!

(36:43 – 37:25) Oat milkshake breakfasts and fridge temperature issues

(37:26 – 38:22) Appetite, body image and cultural pressures

(40:27 – 41:04) A new stillness at the end of yoga nidra

(41:05 – 41:48) Day five: oat milkshake breakfast and smooth transitions

(43:06 – 43:33) Hunger, timing and realising it is working

(43:34 – 43:57) Committing to sleep and amplifying self-care

(43:58 – 44:37) Day six: late start, no clients and writing struggles

(44:38 – 45:09) Yoga nidra still helps, with or without medication

(45:10 – 45:34) Loved ones noticing improvement

(45:35 – 46:08) Day seven: sea swimming and breakfast adjustments

(46:09 – 46:30) Medication working better with proper food

(46:31 – 46:55) Day eight: higher dose and feeling the difference

(46:56 – 47:24) Prioritising proper rest and feeling grateful

(47:25 – 47:50) Breakfast rebellion and experimenting with protein

(47:51 – 48:24) Wrapping up: encouragement and medical caveats

(48:25 – 49:00) Bonus content for Sole to Soul Circle members

(49:01 – 54:04) Next week: how cats make everything better

FULL TRANSCRIPT

And again, I was thinking maybe it's not working, but I know the importance of breakfast now. So I had a protein bar with the tablet, first thing.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham, and you're listening to episode 69 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Every Tuesday, I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self, that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, most brilliant, joyful, miraculous part of yourself.

The idea is to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from. And you can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com.

For deeper dives into each week's theme, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle for bonus interviews, practices and rituals, plus access to a rich archive, including the Love Your Whole Self Chakra Journey.

And you can also find out more in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. And I have lots of other resources on the website, selfcarecoaching.net. In today's episode, it's a bit of a different episode to normal. I did a bit of a video diary a few weeks ago when I started my ADHD medication.

Today is Lughnasadh and it's a Celtic Wheel of the Year celebration of harvest. And harvest is my word for 2025. And it's been really interesting with the ADHD medication. The first day I felt like I was cheating at life because it felt so much easier. It's not that straightforward, obviously. And I'm including daily diaries of my first eight days on it.

Lugh was a multi-talented God. He was a poet, a warrior and a craftsperson. He did it all and he did it all excellently. With ADHD, we want to be able to harness our creativity and not feel ashamed of being able to do lots of things. I hope you find this episode helpful.

It's very much not telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing. It's purely sharing my own lived experience of my first nine days on the medication. And I'm recording this before I see the psychiatrist to review it again. I hope you find it helpful.

If you haven't already subscribed, please do so. It really helps. Let me know if you have any questions or any other comments.

So this is my ADHD medication saga continued, but actually about to start the medication. I picked up the prescription today and I start tomorrow morning. And life is very stressful right now. My dad, was taken to hospital in an ambulance six days ago.

I'm trying to think, like, there's no point saying Friday or whatever because I don't know if I'll share this or when. But yeah, anyway, my work is all about everyone knowing what's right for them. But apparently, the medication will help navigate everything.

So I have high hopes and we shall see. I will start on it in the morning.

DAY 1

So today is the day I've been waiting for since August 2024 when I got my diagnosis and the psychiatrist talked about how the ADHD medication could work and should work, in her opinion.

I can't quite believe it, but I get to try it this morning. And I'm saying I get to try it because I am scared. I'm not used to medication working for me.

The endometriosis pain relief never, ever, ever worked. And so like things like antihistamines or things like that, I'm like, “Oh, it's a miracle.” So I do have high hopes and I'm going to have breakfast and I am going to potentially transform my life by taking a pill rather than working so hard at self-care like I have for decades. To feel better.

Not to say I'll stop doing all the self-care, but it feels potentially transformative and miraculous. And as you can tell, Rainbow Magnificat is just as excited as I am.

It's 8.35pm on day one of my 30mg on the Tyvense ADHD medication. I recorded a few short videos this morning and I'm going to record at least one daily update for at least a week, I think, with the intention of sharing it as a podcast episode, because if you're anything like me, you might be a bit scared and I want to help demystify as much as I can.

So some learnings from day one. First of all, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

I had no idea even when the psychiatrist was telling me about the impact. I couldn't properly imagine it. And even when I was benefiting this morning, I was still telling myself maybe it's a placebo effect, even like, I think the placebo effect is wonderful.

But it was like, no, it can't be like, I feel like I'm cheating. I feel like I'm cheating at life. It was the most bizarre feeling and I could immediately feel like, not immediately, but like within an hour or so, I could feel, when I had a concussion in 2023, beginning of 2023, up until the August, if I ever did things, I felt my brain, I felt like I could feel my bruised brain.

And it was a lot of the time up until the April, this had happened in the January. But I never felt that before consciously, maybe when I was much younger, maybe when I was drinking. But today with the medication, I was really conscious of feeling my brain, but it wasn't unpleasant. It wasn't like the concussion. I'm really selling it here. It's not like a concussion, but I could feel it. It's the weirdest thing. I could especially feel it behind my eyes.

And yeah, I left the house in one go. I went for a swim before visiting my parents. My dad had been in hospital and he discharged himself against medical advice yesterday so it's been a really stressful time, but he is thankfully doing well. But I had a gorgeous swim. I was at things in the morning that normally take a lot longer. I am still behind on all my bookkeeping. I've been running my own business for over 20 years. I have my UK accounts as well as my Irish accounts. And it just takes me, I'm not great with numbers. I have that dyscalculia. I can feel like crying and regularly do feel like crying, just putting bank statements into date order or receipts into date order. And I have a crate now that I kind of put everything in.

And my intention is that I weekly kind of clear it, but it's built up again. Life has been really hectic. So it was like a month and a half's worth of updating Xero, the accounting software that I started using last year. In order to do that, my phone, I'd got an upgrade on my phone since last doing this. My Bank of Ireland authentication wasn't working. So I had to ring the Bank of Ireland business online.

The last time I had to do that, I could have wept. In fact, I did weep because it was so frustrating trying to get through to anyone. I went into the branch because I got this strange, strange letter. The person in the branch, I found I was on hold, but I did it like, I guess, body doubling around people. But I just thought this, all the call centres, I used to work in a call centre. I know how overworked they all are.

But it's so frustrating when you're just trying to talk to a human. And in the end, back then, however many months ago, I handed my phone to one of the humans who worked there, and he was struggling as well to get things rectified.

So this morning, all of this was going through my head. And I'm thinking, “Oh, my God, the whole day is going to be gone. And I need to swim. I need to see my parents. And I've got loads of sessions. So I thought all that but before I knew it, I'd just picked up the phone and rung. So that is very different. That is incredibly different.

The woman was really helpful. And I got the new authentication. I apologised a couple of times. I'm sorry, I'm not great with numbers. And in the past, I'd have been really shame spiralling, because I'm really conscious that all the numbers, and I kind of joke about, “Oh, my goodness, I don't know how hackers do it. I can't get into my own accounts.”

But she got it set up. I got onto my Xero. It authenticated. And I was able to do my Bank of Ireland accounts and my UK Smile accounts. For the Smile account, it doesn't automatically go into the software. I have to periodically, so I was doing like a month and a half's worth today, go in and copy and paste transactions into a spreadsheet.

Are you losing the will to live listening to this? It's a different spreadsheet to the template that Xero need. It's the kind of thing, and I remember, again, with the concussion, just looking from one side of the screen to the other, it was like, I deleted thousands and thousands of documents a few weeks ago when I was trying to optimise my laptop and life. And one of the documents was an almost 20-year-old document.

I'd had my whole business life, nearly 21 years, although it can't be that, because I lost my computer a few years into the business and started again.

But many, many years, like a long, long time. I had checklists, I had passwords, I had templates, I had all sorts of things, phone numbers, contacts, all sorts of things. And I just lost it. I was really hoping today that I would be able to remember having done the Xero thing a few times and not have to go in. What I should actually do is create a new template for that. I was able to do it. I did it in an amazingly short sense of time. And it didn't feel as upsetting as it normally does. Because with numbers, I normally, it's funny, I make my living with words. I'm a writer and all. But I really struggle with numbers.

And even remembering like four digits or six digits from a security code to then put into the other device, it really normally makes my head hurt. But using that this morning as a kind of a test, I guess, for the medication and it really did help.

And I can't remember, it's worn off now, don't know if you can tell, but I can't remember if I told you that I left the house in one go, but I left the house in one go!

Normally, I get to the car or I get to my bike. Sometimes on my bike, I'll cycle halfway down the lane, like it's a mile long before you get onto the main road. And it'll be like, “Oh, I forgot my helmet or forgot my high vis.”

Go home, get it before going onto the busy road. Or I'll get into the car and I'll be like, “Oh, I've forgotten…” whatever it is.

And today I got into the car and I drove to the pool and it was like, “Oh my god, I didn't have to go back for anything! I hope I've got my swimsuit.” And I did. I had everything I needed for the pool. I had everything I needed to see my parents. And I thought that's utterly incredible.

Oh my god, that's completely on its own worth the 80 euros a month for the prescription once I fill out the Drug Payment Scheme form to get it capped at that.

So that was amazing.

A thing I found challenging was having breakfast. I felt evil ignoring the cats who wanted my attention. I normally get out of bed and feed them straight away and do some yoga, like brush my teeth, not necessarily in that order.

I'd normally feed the cats, brush my teeth, do some yoga. When I feed the cats, I'd normally put on the kettle and make like a hot lemon, ginger and maple syrup hot drink and a rosemary tea for later.

I know I need a lot of time to get started in the morning. So I don't have appointments first, first thing, and make sure I have enough time before that. But this morning, it's...

You're Not Alone in the Dark

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Feeling suicidal? Worried about someone you love? This episode, inspired by an interview I did for BACP, explores how to navigate life's darkest moments with compassion and practical support.

It covers:

• A recent NHS survey finding that 1 in 4 people have felt suicidal (and why it's likely more)

• How working with your body can help lift you out of despair

• What to say (and not say) when someone is struggling

• Creating a world worth living in - for yourself and others

If you're struggling right now, please remember you deserve help. You deserve joy. You deserve to not just stay alive but to thrive.

This is episode 68 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast - trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD-friendly Self and self-care to help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

💜 You matter. Your life matters. You're not alone.

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel Better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Be Better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Do Better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for watching.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

CHAPTERS

(0:02 – 1:13) Introduction to the episode and podcast

(1:14 – 2:32) Suicidal thoughts are more common than you think

(2:33 – 4:00) Personal experience with suicidal thoughts

(4:01 – 5:18) Systemic factors and lack of support

(5:19 – 6:38) Why “just talk to someone” isn’t always easy

(6:39 – 7:32) You are worthy of help and support

(7:33 – 8:44) Simple physical actions to shift your state

(10:15 – 11:33) Acceptance and sitting with painful emotions

(12:46 – 13:56) Let yourself dream of something better

(13:57 – 15:10) Noticing everyday acts of kindness

(15:11 – 16:14) Being part of a solution without pressure

(16:15 – 17:24) Journaling and energetic support practices

(17:25 – 18:18) Suicide in stories and lived experiences

(18:19 – 18:54) Encouragement

RESOURCES

• Samaritans helpline Samaritans.org/ireland

• Pieta House (Ireland) pieta.ie

• textaboutit.ie/suicide

• Mood lifting and heart-opening yoga poses at selfcarecoaching.net/book

• Join the Sole to Soul Circle: evemc.substack.com

Crisis Support: If you're having suicidal thoughts, please reach out immediately to your local emergency services, GP or crisis helpline.

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to episode 68 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

You can find out more at the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can get deeper dives by joining the Sole to Soul Circle as well as bonus interviews, practices, rituals and access to a rich archive including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey.

You can also access resources via the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas and all the book bonus videos and whether you have the book or not and lots of other resources at selfcarecoaching.net.

Today's episode was inspired by an interview I recently did for BACP's website and the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.

They were exploring some of the NHS's recent findings around mental health to coincide with the launch of their 10-year plan and one in four people have reported feeling suicidal at some point over their lifetime.

Unfortunately from my experience and from like my lived experience and my professional experience this feels like under-reporting and there's so much going on in the world that has so many people stretched so thin not to mention, I don't want to list all the things that might make you feel worse, feel better every day, but unfortunately way too many people do feel suicidal and have felt suicidal.

Myself, I used to feel suicidal a lot throughout my childhood and teens and into my 20s but because I tried when I was 14 and thankfully I didn't succeed I'm always grateful for that because long before I learned how to teach mindfulness it gave me that visceral experience of being grateful that my actions hadn't been irreversible and now with what I understand about trauma recovery and ADHD and impulsivity who would have thought it would take until nearly 50 to find out I was impulsive but thinking it used to really scare me growing up. How it could feel so desperate and like it was the only way out and I was so lucky in many, many ways. I had a good life in many, many ways but that was a default well-worn neural pathway loop that I would regularly go down and it terrified me that something done so quickly could be it forever.

And I don't know what the answer is because there aren't enough resources for the people who I was going to say have the courage to seek support. Everyone has courage. It's not just about seeking support. It can be heartbreaking to hear about people who have gone to their GPs and been turned away and it takes so much to reach out, I always feel terrible when I can't help someone who is reaching out wanting me to work with them one-to-one because I'm in private practice I can't work with everyone who gets in touch with me.

I really wish that in Ireland and in the UK we had better safety nets in place, better supports to refer people on to, but at the same time I think that there is awareness. I think what they're saying they plan to do in terms of additional resources it's moving hopefully in the right direction but thinking like there's never really any exploration of systemic causes and how people feel about for example the climate catastrophe about what's going on in the world and how that can exacerbate feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

And I guess for the Feel… element of the Feel… Love… Heal… framework, it's too easy to say, “Talk to someone! Reach out! Let someone know you're suffering!” Because when you're suffering like that, that's the last thing you want to do.

It can feel utterly impossible to voice it. It can feel melodramatic. It can feel not enough. It can feel terrifying and like fear of rejection. There are all sorts of things that can get in the way and there aren't enough supports in place. There is in Ireland there's Pieta House. You can reach out there. There are the Samaritans in most places.

But people need to know that they are WORTHY. People need to know that however you're feeling, you deserve help. And unfortunately, when we're feeling like that, we don't believe that we deserve help. We feel like we're too much. We feel like we're too much trouble and there's no point and it's never going to change.

For the Feel… element of the Feel… Love… Heal… framework, today, this is nowhere near enough but I would firstly advise you to reach out. Co-regulate. Talk to a human who you trust and if you have someone you know in real life wonderful and really know that they would much rather hear from you and be able to help you than to find out later that you were struggling and couldn't for whatever reason reach out to them. And if you don't have someone you know, use one of the organisations or find a therapist.

I'm so aware so many people can help you but if the first person you try or the first few people you try can't take you on that doesn't mean that NO one can. You deserve all the care and support available. You deserve way more than what's available. So number one reach out talk to your GP. Go to A&E. Use one of the helplines. Know that you are worthy.

Know that you deserve not just to live but you deserve a joy-filled life. A life filled with purpose and meaning and all good things. This might sound ridiculous but if you are struggling to reach out to someone, you can use your body and your breath to give you even the tiniest of boosts.

I'm not saying that a yoga pose is going to save your life but it can be a way to get out of those ruminating suicidal thoughts, coming into a pose like Sphinx or Warrior II or Triangle or something that's open. Bridge, Little Bridge pose, Wheel anything that's open-hearted.

Anything that's expansive. It's going to help lift your mood using the vagus nerve: 80% of the signals go up from the body to the brain and then cascade down. You’ve probably heard me talk many, many times about calming the nervous system. In this case we're talking about lifting it but in an empowering way so there are videos that you can access through selfcarecoaching.net/book if you'd like to explore some of those heart opening expansive poses that might help you feel better.

But even if you're able to just move in a slightly different way, I know this sounds like, “I feel suicidal and you're suggesting YOGA?”

It might sound obnoxious. It might sound offensive and we really can change our physiology, we can change our lives by moving differently. Give it a try.

But most importantly, we move into the Love… element and the acceptance element. And it's not about accepting that you're never going to feel better. It's not about accepting terrible things. It's about accepting that, right now, you're feeling really low. Or perhaps a loved one is feeling really low. And it's really hard to deal with.

Just working with the Love archetype in psychosynthesis terms, so that really nourishing, supportive acceptance. That not trying to change anything, that just allowing yourself to sit with your feelings. Allowing yourself to not be rushing to regulate (if it's bearable enough).

Or if someone is talking to you, making sure that you're able to be a container for them and letting them talk rather than trying to interrupt and tell them it's all going to be OK when they don't believe it's going to be OK. Connect with that Love archetype and know that while life can be incredibly painful it can also be incredibly joyful.

The more we work with the full emotional landscape, yes there'll be terrible times but also so many amazing times. It might feel like a bit of a fairy tale to ever imagine feeling like you will feel worthy and lovable and deserving of the supports you need. Even if they feel too big. Know that help is out there. Know that better days are ahead for you. Just notice how you feel when you stop fighting how you're feeling.

Definitely not acting on it, but just accept the fact, just for a moment, that you feel so bad, you’re having thoughts that could end your life. Recognising how painful that is. And ask yourself, “What would a person who loved themselves do?” or “What would a person who didn't hate themselves do?” And begin to act in those ways.

But if you're lucky enough to have people around you but even if you are lucky enough I mean some people don't have support systems some people do have support systems and it can still feel like they're a million miles away even if they're in the same house so it's really giving yourself as much grace and as much love and as much support and acceptance as possible.

That will help the feelings to dissolve to shift. You'll begin to recognise your resources and that things are temporary. Everything is temporary.

And we move into the Heal… element. I know for me this was probably what helped me the most when I was much younger: It was my potentially grandiose hopes of what I could potentially do to help make the world a better place if I could get through not wanting to be alive so much of the time.

I want you to think for yourself, what kind of world would make your heart sing? When you look around, when you watch the news, when you feel your heart sink the whole time, when it feels like despair, when it feels like just so depressing and so overwhelming let yourself imagine improvements.

Let yourself imagine utopias, let yourself imagine things going well things healing. And oddly I’ve been back and forth to the hospital every day the past several days [at time of recording].

A loved one’s in hospital and it's really kind of reminded me of what I tell people the whole time: We see on the news all the really depressing horror stories but most people are really caring. Most people are generous and kind, in spite of their suffering, in spite of their struggles. They'll hold doors open for people. There's so much kindness and so much grace around.

If you were to imagine a future version of yourself, healed and whole and contributing not only to an amazing life for yourself but for loved ones, for your communities, for your organisations and for the world at large.

What energises you? Not in an, “Oh” some hopeless sort of way, but in a beginning to create a bit of a spark. In terms of you would like to really be part of. That solution. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm you.

You're having suicidal thoughts and now I'm saying, “Save the world! Help save the world!” But let yourself be moved by what's naturally and organically happening for you rather than trying to not watch the news or trying to deny things that are upsetting you.

Open your heart to the world in a grounded and protected way. Think about the kinds of solutions that would make your heart sing. Singing for joy. Let yourself dream a life for yourself and for your communities and for the world that empowers you. And that potentially keeps you going through tough times.

In the Circle, we're going to be exploring some of the ways in which we can support other people and also exploring a bit more. It's something I ask every new client: If they've ever thought about suicide. And it's something, like these findings show, way more people than you might have thought have thought about it. Have seriously considered it. So in the Circle, we're going to be talking about that some more. You can join at evemc.substack.com and you can find lots of resources at selfcarecoaching.net to ground this episode.

I’d love if you can take a few moments to grab your journal or just a pen paper. You can use loo roll and biro and flush it down the loo safely if you don't want anyone reading it. Or burn it safely. But let yourself connect if you have the bandwidth now. If you have the headspace now. If it's practical for you today.

You don't want to go really deep and then have to function joyfully and not be there but when you get a chance, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe right now, let yourself connect with some of your heaviest times.

Some of the times where you felt most hopeless and helpless and overwhelmed. Send some love back to yourself, Younger You. And if there are people in your life who you're worried about now, spend a bit of time sending them love energetically. You can use one of the Metta meditations (you can use the search tool on my website. There are plenty there. Or you can Google. There are many by other people as well but give yourself a moment or a few minutes to recognise that so many people are suffering and it actually doesn't take much to help create a ripple effect that could potentially save a life.

I was talking to someone recently about a film that was marketed as a rom-com where a woman saved a man's life. I think it was a bridge in Dublin. He was going to jump off and she forced him to stay with her until he felt better. Like she was basically appointing herself to keep him alive and it was like, “Oh my god/dess. If someone is determined there's nothing anyone can do. And the idea of having that kind of responsibility and that guilt. I always think of Jamie Raskin, the American politician who led the second impeachment of Donald Trump. His son had sadly died by suicide on New Year's Eve six days before the insurrection. And Jamie Raskin wrote this beautiful book Unthinkable honouring his son's amazing sounding life and ongoing struggles with mental health and also talking about what was happening with the country that he loved (and of course things have got so much worse there since he wrote it but I'm a barrel of laughs, aren't I? Am a ray of sunshine! But it's a beautiful meditation on a loved one's experience of his son's suicide and more).

Think about what would help you most in this moment. And think about who you would like to talk to and how you would like to talk to them. And even if you're not able to actually do it, give yourself permission to imagine it.

Let me know how you're doing. You can email me. You can comment on any of my platforms wherever you're seeing this.

And thank you for...

Your Emergency Self-care Plan

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0100

I started this podcast to show the gulf between self-care professionals' ideal and actual self-care.

When life hits you with unexpected challenges, how do you maintain your wellbeing? In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, trauma-informed therapist Eve Menezes Cunningham shares practical strategies for creating an emergency self-care plan using emojis - perfect for those with ADHD and trauma backgrounds.

Drawing from real-life experience during a family crisis, Eve breaks down her Feel-Love-Heal framework into manageable emergency practices:

✨ FEEL: Active self-care that regulates your nervous system (even when time is limited)

💝 LOVE: Self-compassion practices and giving yourself grace during tough times

🌱 HEAL: Finding meaning and potential growth, even in crisis

Key takeaways include paring down your self-care routine to essentials, maintaining flexibility in your schedule and creating visual emoji reminders for when your executive functioning is even more compromised than the usual trauma recovery and ADHD brain challenges.

If you’re navigating difficult times or wanting to prepare an emergency self-care toolkit for the future, I hope you’ll find this useful. Feel free to share with someone who might benefit.

🎧 More resources at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com 📚 Book: "365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing"

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel Better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Be Better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Do Better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for watching/listening.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

CHAPTERS

(0:02 – 0:55) Introduction to the podcast and episode

(0:56 – 1:46) Why emergency self-care matters

(1:47 – 2:48) ADHD, trauma and crisis mode focus

(2:49 – 3:45) Navigating uncertainty with self-care

(3:46 – 4:28) Executive function struggles in emergencies

(4:29 – 5:50) The power of short practices

(9:31 – 10:32) Letting go of non-essentials and pressure

(10:33 – 11:12) Self-talk and nervous system care

(11:13 – 11:53) Being human and allowing emotion

(11:54 – 12:33) Thinking ahead with compassion

(12:34 – 12:54) Closing thoughts and next episode preview

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself.

This is episode 67 and the idea is that it will help you create a life you don't need to retreat from. You can find out more about the podcast at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. You can also get deeper dives by joining the Sole to Soul Circle for bonus interviews, practices, rituals and access to a rich archive including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey.

You can also find out more about the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, I forgot the title of my own book there, and other resources at selfcarecoaching.net.

And today's episode is basically… I started this podcast thinking that there's a huge gulf between what we as self-care professionals know we want to be doing in an ideal world and what we actually do.

Today, it's World Emoji Day and I'm going to have you use emojis to create an emergency self-care plan for yourself for trauma and ADHD.

I have a loved one in hospital at the moment (at time of recording) which means that things are different to my normal life. I've massively pared back on my normal daily self-care but I've also really focused on it. I know that I'm no good to anyone if I'm not taking care of myself.

Especially with trauma and ADHD we can be really good in a crisis. I think, on the Friday when we had to call the ambulance it was just very, very focused. We don't have to worry about different priorities, it's just like OK. The emergency takes all the focus.

Then, as things progress there's more to navigate. We get more and more tired, potentially, if we're not taking good care of ourselves.

There are always going to be things that are out of your control but I want you to think about how you navigate uncertainty and how you navigate emergencies and what you can do whether you're dealing with a tough time now or whether you want to put something in place as an emergency self-care kit. It's really important.

I really noticed my executive functions worsen. Things like paying for the hospital parking ticket and putting it in the specific pocket in my bag so that I wouldn't lose it and of course losing it. And then I couldn't even turn the steering wheel on the car, I couldn't get the key in the car and I even wondered is this my car because it had been so full-on had I accidentally got into someone else's car. No. I'd locked the steering wheel but I'd never done that before. It's just having lots of extra patience with yourself when you're dealing with it.

I'm skipping ahead a bit because it's really about you thinking about what you want to have in place for any emergencies that you might think of. And it's not like you have to think, I'm not encouraging you to ruminate or catastrophise or anything like that, just thinking I've been asking all my guests what is your ideal self-care, your ideal daily practices and weekly and what would be your essentials. If you're ill, if you're travelling, if there's some sort of emergency.

Feel better…

For the Feel better part, it's very much about regulation, it's very much about the active self-care. I've been swimming practically every day and I swam twice yesterday (at time of recording) because I knew I'm far better for other people if I'm at my best, if I'm peaceful, if I'm calm.

And to be honest the second heated pool swim was on the way back from the hospital because I didn't know how I was going to have the energy to stand up in the shower at home.

The idea of going for a heated pool swim and then sitting in the steam room and then having a luxurious shower there is nicer than my shower at home. I thought, I'll do that and then just five, ten minutes of swimming, really lovely, that's me. Think about for yourself, think about what is your essential. I'm also thinking my daily yoga nidras. They're essential for me.

I'm about to start ADHD medication (have started! More to follow in Episode 69!) but I've been using the daily yoga nidras now for I think more than two years. It's really essential for me but today, it's like so much to do, not going to have time for one of the longer ones that I've got accustomed to.

I did a shorter one and it was amazing and it's like so often we think, “Oh but if I can't do the full practice, the full thing, what's the point?” Doing one or two yoga poses, that's enough. It's not ideal but it's enough.

Deleting everything that's not essential from my diary for the next few days. I've been fortunate enough to be able to really be present in sessions and I've not had to cancel clients but there are other things, like some of the writing work that I'm doing, it just has to wait, my brain isn't there right now.

Thinking about your own workload, how can you have enough flexibility where possible, where you can just take pressure off yourself and delete, delete, delete?

Think for yourself in terms of what helps you in terms of your own regular self-care practices and how you might pare them down in an emergency.

Love…

Then, thinking about the Love part, where it's about acceptance and it's about self-talk and allowing yourself to just be and allowing yourself to pull a duvet over your head which of course is less possible often in case of emergency but it's not impossible.

You might feel that it's impossible, you might feel that you just don't have the time but if you honour your nervous system and if you give yourself a break it will help.

For me it is, I know I always go on about water but sitting underwater is like an emotional duvet for me, just like and obviously I'm not breathing underwater. But thinking, like just getting those stress hormones out of the body… but for you, let yourself be still if possible, let yourself cry, let yourself have the big feelings, let yourself be messy, let yourself be the human that you are.

And the more you give yourself grace, the more you're able to talk with compassion to yourself, the more your loved ones will benefit as well. The more the people around you rather than you being under so much pressure that you're potentially a bit of a nightmare to be around (which I know I would be if I didn't actively do all these things on a daily basis even when they're pared down).

Heal…

Difficult conversations as well, letting yourself be a human and moving into the Heal practice.

It might be that the most you can think about in terms of post-traumatic growth or using that heightened care for social justice that you might have with ADHD, it might be for your nearest and dearest.

Or it might be even thinking for the future at some point when you've processed what it is that you're dealing with.

For some people, it can be really beneficial. I know for me it's really beneficial to think even like kind of it might sound a bit morbid but thinking at a certain point in the future I might do more grief work, I might do more to support like kind of there's so much that I love the trauma work, I love the ADHD work but at a certain point maybe like that just sounds really morbid but being there for loved ones, helping me think beyond me, helping me think beyond the person involved…

I'm not putting pressure on myself like everyone's like look after yourself but I already do. I know that I have to, I know that my brain won't let me, my heart won't let me, my body won't let me if I don't.

I mean I've been working in self-care for 20 plus years but thinking if it helps motivate you to take better care of yourself, think about how whatever the emergency you're facing might potentially, I'm being so careful here because the last thing I want to do is put anyone under additional pressure when you're already in a crisis situation but for some people, myself included, it can be motivational and empowering to think at some point, it's like Nora Ephron used to say, “Everything is a copy”.

She wrote When Harry Met Sally and like a gazillion other things but her parents were screenwriters. She was a writer and the idea of turning that pain into words, it just helps us move through it, it helps us process so thinking in your own life whether, like don't think too hard, just be open to the possibility that at a deeper level at some point what you're navigating now can potentially help others but let yourself be, love where you are, like kind of give yourself all the love, all the compassion and do all the things that help you in the meantime.

Sole to Soul Circle…

For the Sole to Soul Circle members this week: There's going to be a shorter emergency yoga nidra for those times where you think, “I just don't have time but I need something!” so a very short one.

But it will help you keep your word to yourself in terms of taking that care of your whole self.

Thank you for listening or watching, thank you for sharing, subscribing, commenting, engaging, I love your emails, I love hearing from you and I would love to encourage you to ground this episode by thinking of World Emoji Day and thinking about what you've identified as you've been listening in terms of the self-care practices that support you and the soothing self-talk and the self-acceptance and self-love and the allowing yourself to be with all the emotions, messy, angry, all of it and also the heal element where the potential for post-traumatic growth, the potential for helping others, your loved ones, your family, your community, potentially the world at large.

Let yourself choose some emojis. Make it fun, get past the conscious mind a little bit and give yourself a code in case you forget what they are. I would love, if you want to share your emojis, self-care plans, so maybe one if you want to narrow it down, you can have as many as you want but maybe choose one for the Feel better, so where it's the active self-care and one for the Love where it's you giving yourself grace, you're talking kindly to yourself, you're allowing yourself to just be and have the big emotions or be numb or whatever it is you need to be and the Heal when you imagine the future. Have a bit of fun with it if you have the chance and let me know how you get on.

I look forward to sharing more next week, this episode like all of them has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and wishing you a wonderful week.

Befriend Your Bank Account with Keris Fox

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Does even the thought of money trigger an instant stress response?

In this episode, bestselling author and certified trauma of money coach Keris Fox she shares how to transform your relationship with money by rewriting your money story. She explains why so many women believe they're "bad with money" and offers practical steps to befriend your finances.

In this conversation, you'll learn:

• Why knowing your exact financial position reduces anxiety

• Simple daily self-care practices that help money management feel better

• How to recognise and soothe your nervous system around money triggers

• The importance of checking in with your body before making financial decisions

Whether you struggle with money trauma, avoid checking your bank account or want to move from scarcity to abundance, this episode offers gentle, trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD-friendly approaches to building a healthier relationship with money.

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel Better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Be Better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Do Better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for watching or listening.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and share your questions or comments:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

DISCLAIMER

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for watching. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD/VAST-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself (and your Self with that uppercase S for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself).

I do this to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from, and you can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com. Today's episode, I'm delighted to welcome my friend Keris Fox.

She used to be Keris Stainton and she's a best-selling author and she has been running the Ladybird Purse over on Substack for years now, helping women at midlife, myself included, to transform our relationship with money. She is now a certified trauma of money coach and I cannot wait to share our episode.

Welcome Keris Fox, formerly Stainton. Thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you for having me.

Ah, it's such a pleasure. It's so funny because we've only started, like it's in the last few years, we've become, I was going to say real life friends, but we've still never actually met in person. We regularly connect online, but I've known you coming up, what, 15 years online, at more of a distance? Possibly even more than that, I think, yeah.

Well, when did you write, I remember you writing your first book. I remember you getting-

That's 15 years ago this year. Yeah.

But I was on like Journobiz before the book came out, so probably even before that, yeah.

Yeah. And now I'm delighted to have you on the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, talking about the trauma of money. Would you like to say a little bit about what you're working on and how people can find you?

Yeah, the trauma of money. Talking about the trauma of money. I want to talk about the joy of money as well.

I love trauma work because it's all about recovery and it's about the joy, the growth. Yeah, through the trauma to get to the joy.

Exactly that, yeah. Well, I'm actually working on, I did Trauma of Money coach training earlier this year, so I am trauma of money certified. Yeah. I'm putting together various programs to do with that, which what I wanted to do when I started trying to put something together, I realised that a lot of the trauma of money stuff is kind of fits in with narrative, with storytelling.

Because I'm a novelist as well, I thought the two of them go together quite well. I've been combining the rewriting your money story and your next chapter. I'm putting all of that together and it feels like I've got all of this information now and I'm kind of whittling it down.

In the meantime, before I've actually got that put together, I've got my Ladybird Purse money Substack that I've been writing for three and a half years. So every Monday there's an interview with a woman about money and also my own kind of money misadventures. I've started calling it, although I'm not sure that's strictly true anymore.

And yeah, I have another Substack, which is my author Substack, which is called Happy Endings. And yes, I have two books out at the minute, one nonfiction, which is the Harry Styles Effect.

Yeah, I'm holding up the Harry Styles Effect for people who are listening rather than watching with joy, because this is the book Keris was born to write, basically, and it's just delightful.

That's so nice of you. It's like a fandom memoir. So it's not just about Harry Styles, it's about me and fandom and music. And it's also like a celebration of Harry Styles.

And then I've just had a novel came out last week, which is under pseudonym, Olivia Harvey. And that's like a new adult sort of sexy rom-com inspired by Below Deck. Stealth, what did somebody call it? Stealth, stealth, stealth sauciness, I think the review said, or stealthily saucy, something like that.

Well, congratulations.

Thank you.

Did I say that's called Rock the Boat, that one? Sorry.

No, you didn't. Thank you.

People can find out about your books at kerisfox.com. Many, many, many books. So for today's episode, we're talking about how to get through the trauma of money to the joy of money.

And I know for me, since I started reading Keris's Ladybird Purse, and I've been interviewed a couple times for it, and it's really made me reassess my own trauma around money.

And with my recent ADHD diagnosis, the dyscalculia, and like, it's like I do regular money dates and all. But I often feel like crying, just sorting out bank statements, I've got my UK bank statements, I've got my Irish ones, I've got the business, I've got the personal, it's all, and it's just putting them in date order makes me want to cry. And, and recognising, okay, my brain really does not thrive with numbers.

And having the confidence at nearly 50 to say to someone at the bank, or say to someone around, like, I'm really not great with numbers that I got a new accountant who it feels much better with. I've gone on to Xero, but your, your misadventures, as you call them, and your interviews, it's really helped me confront some of my… I'd done money mindset work before I'd done like, kind of my money story, and like, my earliest memory being burgled when we lived in Tottenham, like all of that.

But there's something so lovely reading people who love money, and reading people who still struggle with money, but also, I think, with women at midlife. What would you say the biggest problem people have around money?

Oh, wow. Well, I think with women, it is thinking that, that we're bad with money. I think that's like, it seems to be the first thing that often when I approach women to interview, the first thing they say is, “Oh, no, I'm terrible at money, or I'm rubbish with money, or I don't have any, I wouldn't have anything to say.” And I always think on the one hand, I can't imagine a man ever saying I don't have anything to say on any subject. But also, I think it's that women, you know, I mean, I don't even really know, at this point, what bad with money means. I think it's not, you know, for years, I thought I was bad with money. And it was that I didn't have enough money a lot of the time.

Or I was in a relationship where, you know, we had our money pooled, and that caused its own issues. And, and I think I interviewed Glynis McNicol, I think, what day is it today? Tuesday, Tuesday, yesterday, an interview went up with Glynis McNicol. And she said, she's an amazing writer. And she pointed out, you know, it's only relatively recently, it's only within our, my lifetime, certainly, that women have really had access to our own money. So it's not surprising that, you know, we're still learning, there's still this element of scarcity, because, you know, until women couldn't have credit cards in their name until I think 1974. I'm not sure if that's only in America. And also, you know, the bank accounts and had to give up the job when they got married, couldn't get a mortgage alone. You know, there was still until fairly recently, and it might still happen. I don't know, because I got divorced.

But, you know, I can remember booking a holiday, and I did all of the booking, I paid for it with, you know, a card in my own name, I put myself down first in all of the booking. And when the paperwork came out, lead passenger was my husband. So, you know, this kind of society, and structural issues that are still massively impacting more than I think we realise.

So I think it's not that we are bad with money. I think it's that, you know, we're finding our feet with it. Yeah, exactly.

Finding our feet is a good way to put it. So how like in terms of feeling better around money, the things we can do the regulatory stuff, what would be your top tip or tips?

Well, my first thing is always to know exactly what your position is. I always feel better if I know exactly how much money I've got.

And I know what's coming in and what's going out. So I did, you know, like a lot of people, you know, would not open bills, not check my bank account, just not think about it and hope for the best kind of thing. Whereas now I'm kind of upset. I love checking my bank account every morning. I quite often like this morning, I woke up at three, the cat came and jumped on my headboard and woke me up at three. So I went to the loo, of course. And when I came back, I did like all my kind of morning checks. And I always check my bank account to make sure there's no surprises, because that used to be a thing that would so often be the case that there would be surprise money would come out and then I'd be in trouble. So now I always know. And I have, you know, I know. I mean, I don't know. I'm not sure about how banks are. My bank's amazing for being able to put money in pots and for instant payments, cut shelf instantly. I'm not sure if all banks do that now. My old bank definitely didn't used to. Yeah. But I'd recommend a bank where payments, payments show up instantly. So you're not waiting three days and then you get a surprise, which is tricky.

Definitely, as painful as it can be to see what you don't have sometimes, how much debt you've got, how much you're earning, even to look at your earnings and find out that your earnings don't cover your outgoings. Yeah, it's painful and it's difficult, but it's just so much better to know. I think it's so much better to know.

And like you said, Eve, when you said, you know, even look, even putting the bank statements in order is difficult. Obviously, I understand for everybody, it's not going to be that easy, but you can get somebody to help you. You're not necessarily an accountant.

You can find a friend if you know somebody that you don't mind knowing your financial business. I spoke to a friend once who literally I said to her, I'd love to interview you for the newsletter. And she literally was like, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. Completely freaked out. Yeah. I know some people can't deal with it and don't want to deal with it. Yeah. So find somebody who can help you because it's just it's just takes so much of the stress away if you do know what your position is. Yeah, that's brilliant.

And I know I've gone on to Xero in the past year. So my UK business account and my Irish business account, I can reconcile it all as we go. And it's just so much easier than everything stacking up and me having to do. I still use the spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets for other things. There's something about the numbers and the way they scramble a bit, but it had never occurred to me. So I could even ask a friend to come over and just do something else in the room like that kind of body doubling idea.

Yeah, I'm going to start doing that on Zoom through Substack actually, just to kind of go through, you know, money admin, because I love the idea. I love the concept of money dates.

I love sitting down and going through it all. And, you know, to make it nice to put music on and to have. Soothing your nervous system and making sure. So that moves us into the be better portion, where it's basically you're absolutely fine. You don't have to change a thing. It's all good.

The self-soothing. What kind of things would you recommend people do to relax around money and to accept their whole selves around it?

Well, a big thing for me for ages was, I think, because I always felt like I didn't have enough money and I would get to a point where I'd kind of think, “Oh, you know, well, I've got debts and I haven't got enough. So, you know, screw it. I'm just going to buy whatever.” And then. Obviously, that would make it worse.

It made me maybe feel better in that instant, dopamine, but that didn't help anything. And I'm really just kind of taking the time to check in with myself physically to feel, you know, if it wouldn't even be necessarily stress about something, I wouldn't feel stressed. I'd feel excited sometimes.

But any sort of heightened emotion was like, don't buy it when you're feeling like that. Breathe or just to check in with myself and think, how am I feeling before I kind of click that buy button? And it doesn't always work now sometimes, especially books. I'll just be like, I'm allowed to buy books.

I'm an author. To just to kind of have that physical check in and get used to how it feels in your body. I've only really recently, and you know so much more about this than I do about I'm like regulation and vulnerability.

I did a I did a podcast, I think, a while ago with Claire Venus, who also is on Substack. And after we talked for like an hour and afterwards, I felt kind of all, you know, and I was perfectly, you know, I didn't feel upset or stressed or anything. I just felt kind of hyper. And I was like, you know, on my phone, scrolling, whatever, doing, you know, probably went and got a coffee and a bunch of biscuits or something. And then saw Claire on Substack and put on Substack notes, “Did a Zoom this morning. I've got a vulnerability hangover. So I've taken myself off to the beach to just sit and look out at the waves.” And I was like, “Oh, that's a much better way of dealing with it than shoving chocolate digestives into my mouth. I might try that!”

And now I've become, I went to a party last week in London. And the next day, it's just I just felt weird. It's the nervous system. It's that sympathetic activation and the allowing it to settle, to come back. And that's the thing, in the past, I never would have realised. In the past, after the party, I would have thought, “Why did I have that third glass of wine? Why did I say this? Who was I saying that to? What was I, why was I even talking about this?” And instead of beating myself up all day, I just thought, “Oh, it's the vulnerability hangover.”

I can just relax. So I think with money, that's the same, you know, it's the same thing. You check, you feel that heightened emotion with just opening, you can open in your banking app. And one thing actually I used to do years ago, and I don't need to do it now, because like I said, I really love opening the app in the morning, was I would kind of try to get myself, you know, like hype myself up before even opening the app. There used to be a thing years ago where you could write a cheque for yourself.

Yeah.

And you could like write a cheque for, you know, a million dollars or whatever. Law of Attraction. And so I would go and, yeah, I would go and look at that cheque and feel the excitement and then open my banking app with the sense of excitement instead of the sense of dread.

But now I have that sense of excitement, even though, you know, I'm very, very far away from a million dollars.

But it's befriending your bank account. It's befriending your bank account.

Exactly. Yeah. I love it.

In terms of the do better element and how us moving through the trauma of money to the joy of money and how that can help us turn what hurts our heart into action and like help make our world and the world a better place. No pressure.

No. And now as well.

Oh, my God. I know.

But now more than ever, we need to turn all that despair into action and hope. And what would you say around that?

I mean, I've been trying to donate more to like community funds and mutual aid rather than charities. And I really just I don't have like a set. I mean, I have a couple of charities that I donate to. One is the Loveland Foundation, which is for black women and girls. I can't remember the woman's name, Rachel, somebody. Yeah, I can't remember. And...

Trauma? ADHD? Your brain needs play

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 07:00:00 +0100

You're never too old to play. And your brain will thank you.

In this episode, I share why play isn't just for children and how reconnecting with your playful side can be transformative for ADHD brains and trauma survivors.

From my dolphin encounter to pretending to be dolphins on the harbour with a friend, I explore how silliness and joy can heal.

This episode includes:

✨ Why our brains learn so well through play (and how to do it deliberately)

✨ Permission to be 'foolish' and silly, even as an adult

✨ How play creates safety and co-regulation with others

✨ Simple ways to start playing when you feel 'too serious' or don't have energy

✨ The ripple effect your playfulness has on everyone around

✨ You're never 'too old' or 'too serious' to play

If this resonates, please subscribe, share with someone who needs more play in their life and let me know in the comments: How will you add more play to your week?

About

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

Feel… regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from

Love… accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing and

Heal… turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large.

Thanks for listening or watching.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

Want to work with me?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

Want to connect on socials?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and tell me what you want to ask or say:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

Chapters

(0:02 - 0:30) Introduction to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

(0:30 - 1:06) How we learn so well through play

(1:07 - 16:22) We're never too old to play. And dolphins

Resources

- Episode 7 with Nick Williams on play as a business benefit

- Sole to Soul Circle membership for bonus content

- Book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Disclaimer

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

Full transcript

I did not expect to see dolphins. A pod of them came over to us so we were back to the harbour. Someone else said go out there at 11 o'clock! Dolphins!

And they came over to the boat and they were swimming under the boat and they were leaping through the air and they were being their magnificent miraculous amazing joyful healing transformative selves and I couldn't get over it.

You can find out more at the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com or selfcarecoaching.net.

Today we're looking at the power of play and the strongest way in which we remember things is through trauma. We're very, very present during traumatic experiences, so those memories go really deep.

The second best way to learn is through play, which is obviously way more enjoyable and you get to choose what you learn.

So you might feel that you can't remember how to play, you're too old to play, you never knew how to play and I thought I'd explore some ways in which you can have more fun with today's episode.

And you might also enjoy episode 7 with Nick Williams, the author of The Work You Were Born to Do and many, many other books.

He's talking about how play has become so important to him in terms of helping business leaders do their best thinking and being creative. But ultimately play is restorative, it's fun, it's healing.

We play with others, we co-regulate it's never too old to learn. As George Eliot said, it's never too late to be who you might have been. So even if you feel like it's silly, if you're open to the idea of remembering how to play, like you might have kids, you might play all the time, you might kind of get into their fantasy worlds and have adventures and do all sorts of things or you might be the way I used to be, very, very, very serious and play is just so beneficial if you can turn what you're learning like kind of as a student in any area into a playful approach like through music or anything like that.

It's far easier to remember but also just for your own wellbeing, just for your own happiness and your own joy.

Lots of things take effort, so in terms of the feel better element of my work, the regulation, the working with the will in psychosynthesis terms, the things we actively do.

For example for me, I have my first ever hobby as an adult having joined the Roscommon Sub Aqua Club a couple years ago nearly now and I did not expect to be joining or doing anything like that and I regularly question my life choices with 5.30am starts and I'm not a morning person and often dives get cancelled.

I'm still a snorkel member because we're on the west coast of Ireland and the weather ... but I know without a shadow of a doubt that while I was already playing in the water with my sea swims and my pool swims and my underwater handstands, learning to snorkel has changed my life. It's incredible and to see the seaweed let alone the crabs and the fish and the dolphins that I got to see a few weeks ago out on the boat, never experienced anything like it.

I wanted to anchor that sensation of awe and wonder and I realised that the dolphins I would never have seen had I not kind of encouraged myself quite sternly, I'm not going to say forced myself, but to get back on the boat after I'd got so seasick previously.

I'm not the most elegant person getting on and off of boats like walking along, I nearly broke my toe getting onto a yoga mat to teach a class a few weeks ago. I'm not the most graceful person so other people seem to leap on and off more easily, other people seem to get seasick less but I thought, 'Nope, it's a nice day. I'm going to go out there and I'm just going to see what it's like. And then, when I upgrade to dive member I'll be able to get the most out of the experience.'

I did not expect to see dolphins. A pod of them came over to us so we were back to the harbour. Someone else said go out there at 11 o'clock! Dolphins!

Had I not done the thing, like I couldn't have predicted dolphins, I did say that before we went out on the boat I did ask hopefully will we see dolphins and I think people felt a bit sorry for me.

And then they all felt really jealous of me because I was the only one with the driver who saw them close up.

They were all on shore after their dive so you have to be willing sometimes with play to put yourself out of comfort zone.

For example, the sea swims that are quite playful for me.

But almost as fun as the dolphins was then being on shore with one of my friends in the dive club and miming the dolphins now we're both nearly 50. She's 50 I'm nearly 50 and she was like, 'Oh god I'm like stuck with you now and you're going to be on and on and on about the dolphins until they come back aren't you?'

I was like, 'No no no no' I was like so obsessed with the dolphins. And she said, 'Go on then. Tell me about the dolphins.'

So I was like, 'OK. You pretend to be me on the boat over there. You're on the boat over there and I'll show you where they were.'

I just meant like in terms of distance but she pretended to be she was leaping around all excitedly. Taking the piss, pretending to be me with the dolphins.

So I then pretended to be a dolphin. So on the harbour in north Mayo, jumping around.

And it was almost as joyous as actually seeing the dolphins.

It was so much fun. It was so silly. There was no one else around but I thought that silliness that joy that exuberance that enthusiasm.

Especially with trauma histories. I was not a happy child. I was a miserable child so much of the time and I feel more joyful now.

Connecting with my Inner Child and all the healing I've done. And it's never too late. You're never too old. You can think back to what you might have liked to have done as a child or what you enjoyed doing as a child and use that as a starting point.

And I'm aware a lot of the examples I've given, like you might play a sport and the time as a child I do remember having fun was when we lived in America for a year and there were loads of kids in the neighbourhood and we'd play like impromptu little games of baseball out in the street and did a lot of gymnastics hanging upside down from the broken swing set in the garden with my next door neighbour and just like that was playful but I don't remember anything like that in London or Essex.

But it's never too late. It's never too late at all. And if you are thinking you don't have the energy to play or to go on boats that you're or whatever it might be for you let yourself BE better.

Have that acceptance, have that love for yourself like working with the Love archetype in psychosynthesis.

Accept where you are right now. I used to be there. I know what it's like if someone had said to me play more I'd be like, 'F*** off!' because it can feel really painful to see other people enjoying themselves and having a great time when you're in so much pain and just barely getting by.

So just let yourself be if you're in that BE better, Love... phase of my framework.

Not to think about what you have to do or what you should be doing or anything like that but let yourself to maybe even imagine what play might look like for you at some point in the future.

Know that how you're feeling right now, there's no need to argue with reality you're perfectly fine you're you're doing amazingly. It might be that you pull the duvet over your head and imagine making a duvet fort. Or imagine. Reading can be playful. Watching a film. With games.

There are so many different ways. But if it feels too hard, know that that's normal and know that the more safety you can create, the more at ease you can feel.

Unfortunately, we don't live in a world where everyone has safety and clean water, food, shelter, all of it.

If we were all safe, welcome and loved, everyone would be able to thrive.

Everyone would be able to play.

Everyone would be able to activate that most creative high vibe way of living.

When you're not there, don't beat yourself up about it. Notice little ways in which you might play with your food like kind of make silly faces I often with mashed potato and beans and vegan sausages make a silly face or just little things that might make you smile. Little things. But experiment.

Do what feels good for you. And think about the impact of your remembering how to play on others.

For the Do better, Heal... phase thinking about the impact if you have children. If you have small children, older children might be embarrassed but let them.

Think of the impact on your wider family, on your organisation, your community, the world at large. The more playful you can be, I don't mean inappropriately playful I don't mean annoying other people I don't mean like banter that is like calling banter where it's really hurtful or jokes at other people's expense or anything like that.

But I do mean the more playful you are the more relaxed you are it has a ripple effect. I remember hundreds of years ago, a hen weekend for a friend's hen and we were in Cambridge on the river and we went punting and I'd not really heard of it before.

Oh my God/dess, I keep talking about boats today! That's weird!

It was one of those kind of gondola things and they had this guy who was really relaxed.

Someone in our group encouraged him to put on ridiculous ears that were for the bride or I can't remember what they were but, without any hesitation, he just took them and put them on. He looked utterly ridiculous and I just thought, 'Wow'. Because back then, I was like kind of deep in my misery and I'd gone along but it felt like a bit of a chore. I was not a kind of hen person, fun person at all and I'd been sober for a while but not long enough to feel comfortable with other people drinking and the way I am now.

I was going through the motions. And I remember this glimmer of hope just seeing this guy effortlessly taking this thing and putting it on his head.

Making everyone smile and play is transformative. Think about what's coming up for you as you ponder play or as you make time for play and again.

50 nearly, 50 year old me might sound really like, 'Oh my God/dess, I can't schedule play' but schedule time where you can give yourself permission to think about what feels good.

Whether it's, it might be going to the park. I recently went to a local park where they had a children's zip wire thing and I'm scared of heights. But this was a children's park.

This was not for adults. I was in my late 40s and my partner encouraged me to have a go. And you would think that I was over the Grand Canyon. I was absolutely terrified and utterly delighted.

It was the most hilarious thing. It was muddy. I think I fell off or he fell. Luckily, not high.

The more we can give ourselves permission to be foolish to be silly, to do what feels fun... it's a very present moment thing. And it helps us connect with ourselves. It helps us connect with others notice what comes up for you.

Give yourself permission to play. Know that it will be good for others in your life and potentially the world at large.

If you are a member of the Sole to Soul Circle your deeper dive tomorrow will include bonus content around this with some ways to explore more opportunities to play in your life.

And if you're not already a member and would like to be, you can join anytime. It's as little as eight euros a month and you get immediate access to the rich archive of exclusive content and that includes the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey.

You can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com and you might also enjoy the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

You can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net/book or find it at your local library, bookshop or online.

And you can also Subscribe. So wherever you're listening or watching this, if you want to Subscribe or Follow, that would be wonderful leave a review if that feels good and share with someone who might benefit.

But most of all give yourself permission to have whatever reaction you have to the idea of being playful.

Recognise that it can be amazing. Recognise that it can be painful so just being gentle with yourself. But it is a really transformative skill to learn.

Oh my God/dess. It sounds like I'm sucking the joy out of play. Learn to play and transform your life! Nothing like that, just let yourself have fun. Let yourself be. Let yourself do the things you used to enjoy if there are things you used to enjoy and they've become less playful they've become less fun, explore ways in which you can take the pressure off and enjoy them more.

Look after yourself. Have a lovely week and I look forward to sharing more next time.

When trauma isn't ‘post’ traumatic stress but ongoing, how do we heal?

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Are you dealing with trauma? PTSD? Complex PTSD? ADHD? Feeling overwhelmed by what’s going on in the world?

In this PTSD awareness episode, trauma therapist Eve Menezes Cunningham shares some of her personal journey from PTSD diagnosis to healing, and uses the Feel better. Be better. Do better method to support you in navigating personal and collective trauma.

‘Instead of being consumed by hate, his hope was that Israelis and Palestinians and Christians could live in peace and harmony. And he created this school, Hope Flowers.’ Eve also reflects on an interview she did 20 years ago with, Ibrahim Issa, the son of the Hope Flowers School founder in Jerusalem regarding ongoing traumatic stress.

About this podcast

Feel Better Every Day! Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

• Feel better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Be better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Do better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for listening or watching.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

Want to work with me?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (https://evemc.substack.com ) and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

Want to connect with me on social media?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and tell me what you want to ask or say:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

TikTok @evemenezescunningham

Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

Chapters

(0:03 – 0:45) Welcome and purpose of the podcast

(0:46 – 2:12) Sole to Soul Circle and resources for healing

(2:13 – 4:05) PTSD diagnosis and the power of language

(4:06 – 6:28) Ongoing trauma: A story of hope from Jerusalem

(6:29 – 8:36) Global crisis, collective trauma and marginalised communities

(8:37 – 10:32) Self-care in the midst of ongoing trauma

(10:33 – 12:14) Feel better. Be better. Do better: Rest, regulation and compassion

(12:16 – 12:41) Grounding with what resonates: Feel, Be, or Do better

(12:42 – 13:20) Healing through love, protest, and the ocean

(13:21 – 14:00) Upcoming Circle content and community nourishment

(14:00 – 14:36) Next week’s theme

Resources

Hope Flowers School article: https://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/content/news/teaching-peace

Disclaimer

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

Full transcript

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday, I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself. That's that highest, wisest, truest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself.

I do this to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from. You can find out more at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com and you can, if you're interested in taking a deeper dive each week for the Sole to Soul Circle, which you can join, there are bonus interviews and deeper dives into the practices that have come up through that week's episode from that week's theme.

This week, it’s grounding practices to support trauma recovery.

And you also get immediate access to a rich archive, including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey. You might also find the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing of interest. And there are book bonus videos and other self-care coaching resources for trauma, ADHD, and all sorts of areas at selfcarecoaching.net. Today's episode is for PTSD awareness.

And with everything that's going on in the world, it's like, much as I know that PTSD, its inclusion in the Diagnostic Statistics Manual and the DSM, it was life-changing for so many people, myself included, when I got a PTSD diagnosis back in 2008. It was after a house fire, and it gave me the language to help me understand my complex PTSD from very early childhood. It helped me learn to heal.

It helped me learn to ground and resource and to end up becoming a trauma therapist. And I love my work because I love that there are so many ways in which we can heal. And I'm also aware, I keep thinking of an interview I did, like when I was newly freelance, 2004, it appeared in Nursery World, a UK magazine for nursery people, in 2005.

And I just found a link, I will link to it in the show notes. https://www.nurseryworld.co.uk/content/news/teaching-peace

But I never forgot this man I spoke to in Jerusalem. He was the son of Hussein Ibrahim Issa.

His name is Ibrahim Issa. And he ran the Hope Flowers School in Jerusalem. I'm not going to cry.

I'm not going to cry. They are bringing together, since his father's work as a Palestinian born refugee who had lost everything after World War II, instead of being consumed by hate, his hope was that Israelis and Palestinians and Christians could live in peace and harmony. And he created this school, Hope Flowers, where all three religions and people of no religion were educated.

And they were being bombed, like this is back 2004, 2005, when I was interviewing him. They didn't know one week to the next, like I think a wall had just been destroyed a week earlier. And I said something about PTSD very naively.

And he just said, really sadly, it's not post, this is ongoing, the children, they're tiny, tiny children. And it was ongoing. And of course, with everything that's happening in the world, I'm doing my best focus on the people who are working towards building peace and healing and trauma recovery for everyone rather than endless cycles.

But I thought there's no point doing something about post-traumatic stress as if you've survived the trauma. And that's all you have to worry about, just focus on the reflection, the healing, the all of it.

I think everyone is traumatised right now, I don't want to name any situations, because I don't want to be triggering anyone.

But at the same time, it's having to navigate life at different levels. And I know that marginalised communities have had to deal with this for so much longer, ongoing onslaughts to the right to exist, and then having to be professional at work, having to like wanting to bring their dreams into reality.

And I thought rather than doing an episode on post-traumatic stress disorder for post-traumatic stress disorder awareness, I would just name it and just encourage you, however you're feeling, whatever global situations or local situations.

I really don't want to name local things and global things in case that's not something that's making you cry at the moment. But I'm sure you have your own situations and they might be personal as well. People are struggling, individuals are struggling.

And I just wanted to use this episode to remind you that healing from trauma, when it's ongoing, is harder when you can't ground yourself as easily and remind yourself that you're safe when you don't feel safe when you're being triggered on a regular basis when you're actual thinking about what I said.

I'm not going to name places, I'm not going to, but you could think of many parts of the world where just the most basic things are suddenly very, very dangerous for so many people and people are laying their bodies on the line for peace and for healing and for progress where others are attempting to destroy that.

As we think about the feel better, be better, do better model, in terms of feeling better, the more you can make those self-care practices as bite-sized as possible, the more likely you are to actually do them. When life is so busy, when life is so hectic, when you feel potentially traumatised, it can feel not just self-indulgent, but it can feel impossible to do something that make you feel better.

For me, I talk about sitting underwater as my medicine and whether that's the pool or yesterday in the ocean and it just feeling so healing and it sets me up for several days at a time, but I don't always have the time to go, I can't swim every day, it just doesn't work with my schedule.

I can't do a longer yoga nidra every day, much as I would love to, but I can make time for a 10-minute yoga nidra and that just helps me. I can make time to connect with my breath, but less than a minute even, any time during the day.

I can make time for strong movement, I don't have time today, for example, to do my normal five kilometre walk, so I did a brisker two kilometre walk earlier and I'll do the other 3km later.

Think for yourself, think about your everyday self-care tools and practices, think about what helps you feel better, those regulatory things and think about one thing you can do when you're feeling traumatised, watching the news or scrolling on your phone or dealing with personal stories, hearing phone calls, talking to loved ones or what you're facing yourself. Think about one thing you can do that helps you feel better, that helps you regulate and do that as much as you can.

As we move into then the be better, that sense of there's no need to improve yourself, there's no need to do anything, you're fine, pull the duvet over your head if it's safe to do so. It can be incredibly hard to be, to relax, to give space to what might be coming up for healing when you're feeling very hypervigilant and unsafe and when you might be unsafe.

If you're able to, creating space to cry, creating space to talk to loved ones and other like-minded people, helping you heal in that co-regulation way, creating as much time as you can to allow yourself to nap, allow yourself to sleep, allow yourself to rest.

I realise that can feel really challenging where things are so busy, things are so hectic, but by creating pockets of space, even if you can't sleep, even if you can't nap, you can still rest, you can still notice that hypervigilance, you can still send yourself enormous love and compassion and recognise that anyone would be feeling stressed, let alone when you've been through what you've been through and how it might be triggering you right now.

Remind yourself you're doing amazingly, you're living through very challenging times, and allow yourself to be in whatever way helps you ground and remember that you have every right to joy and peace and freedom and love and safety and all of that. And if you want to just put an eye mask on or pull a jumper over your head or put the duvet over your head and just shut the world out for even a minute or a few minutes or have that nap if you can or cry, let it out.

Again, I'm moving back into the Feel better, but I guess the Be better, let yourself know that it's normal to be feeling traumatised, it's normal to be feeling triggered and what we are hearing about, what we are observing, what we are seeing, what we are feeling, it's too horrific for our nervous systems to navigate in normal situations.

The more you can do to just let yourself be and feel overwhelmed and feel hopeless and all of that, not saying to stay there, but acknowledging where you are and sending yourself enormous love and compassion will help you more than beating yourself up for not doing more.

But we are going to move into the Do better phase where we turn what hurts our heart, we transform that into action once we've stayed in that be better phase for as long as it's needed.

And I'm going to just say this week, just know that you are enough and you don't have to protest, you don't have to write letters, you don't have to do anything. If it's too much to even be kind and hold a door open for someone, just be kind to yourself and recognise that the more you are taking care of yourself, the more empowered you are yourself, the more you will be able to do in terms of supporting your community, helping heal the world, helping heal your family, whatever that might be.

But if you were to think of one thing you would like to do, if you had more energy in order to bring more peace, more healing to yourself, your communities and the world this week, what might that be?

Even imagine fantasising about it, giving yourself permission to not do a thing, to just kind of get through the day. But beginning to think about how might you turn that trauma into healing for yourself and others. If it feels good, it can feel empowering, it can also feel like too much pressure so honour what's feeling good for you.

To ground today's episode, I want you to think in terms of the Feel better, Be better, Do better method. What resonates most for you right now. For me, it's very much the Feel better. I'm amping up all my regulatory self-care tools, the practices that help me function, that help me get through the day.

I am still very much making space to be. It's an ongoing process. I find it more challenging.

And the doing, I'm protesting where I can. And most of all, I'm trying to be a force for love. I'm trying to connect with Divine Love as much as I can and keep reminding myself that we're all connected.

I was very much doing it in the ocean yesterday. The ocean reaches the whole planet. And just trying to do better by taking care of myself so that I'm at peace and not contributing to like projecting out all my own unhealed stuff and making things worse locally or beyond that.

Think for yourself what resonates most for you today, this week, whenever you're listening to this. Whenever you're watching this. And for our deeper dive in the Sole to Soul Circle, we're going to come back to some grounding practices to meet you where you are.

And I'm going to be asking members to give me some ideas for what would be most nourishing for you for this week. And so at time of recording the podcast, I don't know what that will be. But you can always find more resources at the website, which you can choose from.

Next week, it's going to be a lighter episode on the power of play. Episode 65. I hope that you have found today helpful.

And I hope that you will remember that you are enough. You're doing great. You're doing just surviving right now is taking an enormous amount.

Do what you can curate your feed. Notice what you're watching, what you're listening to and make it as soothing and supportive for yourself as you can. And just sending enormous love.

Thank you for listening.

ADHD, trauma and the Solstice: Find your shine without burning out

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Do you wish you could help heal the world but find yourself overwhelmed? Learn to Feel Better, Be Better and DO Better. Subscribe for trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas every Tuesday.

Are you navigating trauma and ADHD? This episode is for you. As we approach the Summer Solstice, it's a powerful time to reflect on what you're giving your energy to and how you allow yourself to shine.

But what if you don't feel ‘shiny’? Or have the energy you wish you did? Learn to honour your current capacity, especially when living with a trauma history and an ADHD brain.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to release the pressure to perform and embrace self-compassion, even when your energy feels low.
Practical, trauma-informed, and ADHD-friendly ways to help your nervous system rebalance, including simple breathwork and mindful movement.
Why allowing yourself to rest and simply be (even when hyper-vigilance or performance conditioning makes it challenging) is essential.
How regulating your own system helps you contribute more effectively to the world without burning out.
Why embracing community and collective action is especially important when you feel the weight of global challenges.

Empower yourself to Feel Better, Be Better and Do Better.

The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Learn from the self and Self* care practices the professionals depend on.

With a mixture of solo and interview episodes, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham (author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) shares trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self and Self* care ideas to help you:

• Feel Better (regulate your nervous system and do the things that help you create a life you don’t need to retreat from)

• Be Better (accept yourself completely with love, compassion and kindness – you don’t need to do a thing) and

• Do Better (turn what hurts your heart into action to support your family, organisations, communities and the world at large)

Thanks for listening or watching.

New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by joining the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

Sole to Soul Circle members get deeper dives each Wednesday morning.

Want to work with me?

• There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

https://selfcarecoaching.net

• You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack https://evemc.substack.com and get bonus interviews and content specially designed to help you dive deeper into each week’s theme.

• If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose any amount at https://ko-fi.com/evemc

Want to connect with me on social media?

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and share your questions and comments:

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Chapters

(0:02 - 5:27) – Introduction to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and Summer Solstice

(5:28 - 14:00) – How to work with your nervous system to feel better this Solstice and let yourself shine. Feel Better and Be Better

(14:01 - 18:58) – Moving into Do Better to improve things not only for yourself but your family, teams, communities and world

(18:59 - 20:55) – Finding the courage to speak up for others and an invitation to the Sole to Soul Circle

(20:55 - 21:22) – How to join the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com

Disclaimer

The content I share is not a replacement for one to one trauma therapy (etc). While you can do an enormous amount to support yourself, please always seek appropriate medical advice.

Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

#TraumaInformed #ADHDSupport #SelfCare #NervousSystemRegulation #SummerSolstice #PodcastForADHD #TraumaRecovery #EveMenezesCunningham

Full transcript

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I share trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas to help you take better care of yourself and your Self with that uppercase S: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. The idea is to help you feel better every day, creating life you don't need to retreat from.

You can find out more at

http://thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

And in today's episode, we're celebrating the Summer Solstice. So in the Northern Hemisphere, it's the 21st of June. I mean, it's the 21st of June everywhere, but it's summer here.

If you're in the Southern Hemisphere, you might be celebrating the winter solstice. And I'm kind of laughing because I live on the west coast of Ireland and it's been quite wintery even in June right now, which is perfect for this episode because the Summer Solstice.

When we're working with the Celtic Wheel of the Year energies, it's a wonderful time to think about your public self, that part of you. It's a great time to think about your commitments and what you're giving your energy to.

It's a wonderful time to think about letting yourself shine. And you think of summer solstice, you think bright sunshine, sunflower energy, glorious warmth. And that's not always the case.

And that's also not always the case with yourself. Sometimes our energies are aligned and in tune with the seasonal energies, whether the lunar cycle or the Celtic Wheel or whatever you follow. And other times they can feel like there's a bit of a mismatch.

So if there are lots of things you want to be doing, lots of contributions you want to be making to the world and you just don't have the energy, that's fine. It's about honouring yourself and letting yourself be.

Really just noticing for yourself now, you might want to grab a journal and think for yourself, what do you tell yourself when you feel like you should be doing more? When you feel like you should be your shiniest, happiest self and you just don't feel like it?

Maybe you have high hopes for what you'd like to be doing, maybe in your life, in your family, in your work, in your community, in the world at large, all these ideas and just struggling to manifest them, struggling to make them a reality?

I'm really encouraging you today to connect with your energies this Solstice and to think about how you might feel safe and secure enough to step out of your comfort zone, let yourself be seen and heard, let yourself be more visible and recognise that that is going to be scary for your nervous system. Any time we expand, there's that part of you that's going to be afraid. Working with it rather than denying it means you can support yourself through it and still make the kind of contribution you want to make to helping create a better, fairer, more equitable planet for everyone and also in your own work, in your own life.

But we need to recognise where we are, we need to start where we are. There's no point thinking that you've got all these brilliant ideas if you do or feeling overwhelmed. There's so much in 2025 to feel hopeless and overwhelmed by, but that doesn't help anyone.

For the Feel Better portion of this episode, so the Feel Better element is for those times when you have the motivation, the energy, the bandwidth to do the things that can help change your state, that can help resource you. We're going to be working with the nervous system and just recognising that we might be quite sophisticated beings in some ways, but our wiring is ancient and we just aren't equipped for everything that's going on.

The best thing we can do is not argue with reality and build in as much downtime as possible so that our nervous system can do the lift, lift, lift, sympathetic activation that life and all its excitement and all its stress and all its horror can bring. But the last thing we want to do is burn out and just go into that collapse mode. By building in times in which we can actively rest, actively rest, I make it sound like such hard work…

With trauma histories, with ADHD, rest and relaxation can feel like really hard work, but it's about countering what's normally happening. You're on the go at work, you're on the go at home, you're on the go with your unique brain wiring, thinking about a million things, a million causes you care so deeply about and feel hopeless about.

And that isn't healthy and that's not going to help anyone. Your suffering does not help anyone.

To help you feel better this Solstice, just be aware that your nervous system needs a rest, it needs a break, it needs to rebalance and you can do this as simply as if you are a runner or a swimmer or you do any kind of activity. If you're doing yoga, pause in Savasana after the Sun Salutations in your home practice or you might do some weights and then kind of sit down or lie down, wait for your heart to settle or some push-ups.

Any kind of activity, it might be vacuuming your house, any kind of activity, lift your heart rate or going for a brisk walk, lift your heart rate and then give yourself permission to sit down and if it's possible, observe your heart rate coming back to normal. That can, with some trauma histories, feel quite anxiety-inducing.

Go easy with yourself, go gently with yourself but it can be really beneficial to come into the body in this way and just notice what's happening with the heart rate and when it comes back down to normal, then get on with your day.

You've then begun to retrain your nervous system and the more we do that, we're helping to support our heart rate variability and that helps our physical health as well as our mental and emotional health.

It gives us that flexibility, we're able to deal with when we need to be. I love always thinking about cats and they might be very, very rested and relaxed but they're still ready but they're not like we often get where we're not relaxing.

We're not letting ourselves properly relax because we're so hyper-vigilant. By retraining the nervous system, you're going to be supporting that and a really simple thing you can do, pretty much anytime, anywhere, is to observe what's happening with the breath.

Just for yourself now you might want to notice whether the breath is shallow if you're breathing from the top of the lungs or from the middle of the lungs or from the lower lungs as if you were breathing from the belly.

And if it feels good for you, you might want to see how it feels to deepen the breath if you were breathing from the middle of the lungs or the top of the lungs and get a sense then of whether your in-breath is longer than your out-breath, your inhalation longer than your exhalation or if it's the other way around, longer out-breath, longer exhalation or if they're evenly balanced and ideally because we live in a society where we're on the go all the time and there's stress, stress, stress, excitement, excitement, excitement, for overall balance it's good to have a calming breath that's going to actually calm the nervous system, bring on that rest-digest response, that parasympathetic activation. For that, aiming for a slightly longer exhalation. If you enjoy counting, you might count in for one and out for two, in for two or out for three. Or in for four and out for six. A ratio that feels good with your breath, with your lung capacity.

Some people, myself including, find counting stressful so I prefer to just get a sense of a slightly longer exhalation and I'm aware other people like I've taught this at an investment bank in London and they very much wanted to know how long to count for so do what feels good for you and just notice even over these few moments how does it feel to notice your heart rate settle, to notice the breath, to deepen the breath and to aim for that slightly longer exhalation.

Something as simple as that can help you feel better, that's helping you regulate. In psychosynthesis terms we're using the Will archetype, that kind of any situation what can we do, how can we use discipline and focus and motivation and of course the more we practice the more easy it is to remember when we need these tools the most and of course with ADHD and with trauma recovery sometimes what seems like the simplest thing in the world can be impossible.

We move then into the Be Better element where that might sound like pressure but the idea is you're letting yourself just be. Letting yourself think, OK, I have ideas for what I would love to do in my own work, in my family, in my community, in the world and I just don't have the energy right now, I don't have the bandwidth right now.

Imagine putting a duvet over your head, let the sun shine outside and don't feel pressured to do anything that doesn't feel good for you. The being better element is the allowing yourself to rest, to relax and again recognising that can be really challenging with ADHD brains and also with trauma history. We have that hyper vigilance, it can feel unsafe to be and we might have been raised to perform and it can feel like we're not worthy of just allowing ourselves to be.

That can trigger a stress response on its own so notice how you feel as I even talk about it but also think about the times if you can where you have just let yourself be, where you've just been relaxing in the shower or maybe sitting in the sun. For me it's being underwater, just floating or swimming or snorkelling or taking pictures.

It's that time when my mind is most relaxed and it might be again after strong movement, after some sort of exercise. You're just letting yourself. So thinking about some of those times where first of all everyone deserves to just be, like we're human beings, it's not about doing but we get so conditioned to feel we have to be performing, we have to be productive, we have to be and I kind of hate saying this but it also helps motivate me and some of my clients to know that the more we actually build in that time for rest and relaxation even when it feels like the world is shining around us and we're supposed to be on.

Let yourself be, let yourself do what feels good to be you in any given moment, pull that duvet over your head or have a nap in the garden or whatever it might be for you, it might be watching a film that you love and don't have to think about much or listening to music but again that's kind of moving more back into the Feel Better, the regulatory, the thinking about what's going help me feel better.

The Be Better bit really is that letting yourself get still, letting yourself do nothing. For some of you I know that it's a sense of joy, like ‘I love doing nothing!’ and for others you might be, ‘Ah that feels impossible.’

Just notice how it feels. Then we move on to Do Better where I want you to think about what you would like for yourself, for your family, for your communities and the world. If you were to imagine the best case scenario for the world?

There is so much going on, there is so much pain, so much suffering, so many people in so many different parts of the world in so many ways, your suffering does not help anyone else.

You're allowing yourself to regulate, to look after yourself, to do the things that bring you joy, that empower you. And also you're allowing yourself to be better, to let yourself be and not be constantly trying to improve yourself but to know that you are worthy, you are lovable, it's the love archetype in psychosynthesis, just recognising how you feel in any given moment and what you need.

When you have that grounded, when you are feeling better from that deep within state, you will then feel more empowered to Do Better, to have a positive impact on the world around you.

I've just suddenly remembered, in my 20s I was very involved in the peace movement and I was working full-time, I had a chronic pain condition and I was crossing London every week or every other week one evening a week to go. We were fortunate enough, John McDonnell, an MP back then, had given us access to the House of Parliament to have our meetings for the Campaign for a Ministry for Peace.

I was in my 20s and other people involved were much older, much more experienced human rights lawyers and I had no clue I had ADHD at the time. I just knew I cared so deeply about everyone on the planet and I burnt out, I completely burnt out.

I was trying to do way too much and I was feeling so hopeless. I ended up getting signed off work for two weeks. This was in my last office job in a legal publishing company and I was basically so upset that my taxes were being used to bomb Iraq and Afghanistan. I was sobbing walking around the open plan office, I had such high hopes for how the world could be safe for every child and like thinking now about everything that's going on and the people impacted in all parts of the world and how heartbreaking it is and how hopeless it is easy to feel and how that doesn't help anyone.

We have to do what helps us regulate our own nervous system. We have to not let ourselves get caught up in the outrage and the fear and the hopelessness but to do the things that nourish us even if it feels self-indulgent, eating the good food, letting yourself sleep, letting yourself just find as much joy in life as possible, that is then going to help you do better, that is going to help you have the energy to make a positive impact, to help transform what hurts your heart into healing not only yourself but your communities and the world at large.

I'm aware that this might sound like quite an all-over-the-place plan and I'm also aware that ADHD brains might relate: there's that part of you that's like, ‘I want to do all the things, I want to help with this cause, with this cause, with this area, with this everything’ and again the Metta meditations you can Google and at selfcarecoaching.net Metta is Loving Kindness. There are lots that you can listen to and do yourself and it really helps me to not just kind of get around sobbing age nearly 50 now.

Yes, I cry a lot but I'm actually happier now than I've ever been in spite of all that's going on in the world because I feel more empowered and I know that there is hope for humanity however dire...

Be your true Self – YOUR way

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Trauma and/or ADHD? Stop worrying you're 'too much' and be more you

It's easy to feel overwhelmed when navigating ADHD and trauma recovery. You might constantly receive messages to tone it down or conform. But what if your unique sensitivities and intensity aren't something to suppress, but an expression of your Self?

This is where psychosynthesis and its concept of The Ways offers an empowering perspective. Developed by Roberto Assagioli, psychosynthesis is a transpersonal approach that honours your inherent wholeness and the unique ways your soul seeks to express itself. Instead of shaming you into being less, it celebrates the diverse paths individuals have taken throughout history to live authentically.

The Ways – seven types of soul expression – provide a framework for understanding not only yourself but also your loved ones. Imagine gaining self-empathy for your sensitivities, like experiencing misophonia on the Way of Beauty, or recognising your drive to make a difference on the Way of Action.

It’s not about fitting into a box but about recognising and giving yourself permission to fully embody your unique gifts and interests. For ADHDers especially, who often hear they are too much, The Ways offer a powerful reminder that your full, whole self is exactly what's needed for personal growth and to contribute to the world.

Exploring The Ways can help you:

Connect with your unique purpose and potential
Find greater purpose, meaning and joy in your daily life
Develop deeper empathy for yourself and others and
Integrate all parts of yourself for true wholeness.

Are you ready to support your soul as it unfurls and blossoms? Listen to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast wherever you get your podcasts or watch here.

Work with me

Want to work with me (or access book bonus videos and other free resources)?

Find me on social media @evemenezescunningham and @feelbettereveryday

Thanks for listening. Please subscribe / follow and share with someone who you think will benefit from this episode.

#TraumaRecovery, #ADHD, #EmotionalRegulation, #SelfCare, #WholeSelf, #Psychosynthesis, #TheWays, #SoulExpression, #InherentWholeness, #Neurodivergent, #FeelBetterEveryDay, #PieroFerrucci, #InevitableGrace, #RobertoAssagioli, #Subpersonalities, #Transpersonal, #PurposeDrivenLife, #FindingMeaning, #InnerPeace, #WorldPeace, #HealingJourney, #MindBodySoul, #AuthenticSelf, #ShineBright, #SelfEmpathy, #SensorySensitivity, #Misophonia, #WayOfBeauty, #WayOfAction, #WayOfIllumination, #WayOfUniversalLove, #WayOfDanceAndRitual, #WayOfScience, #WayOfDevotion, #WayOfTheWill, #InnerWork, #PersonalGrowth, #GuidedImagery, #JournalPrompts, #SoleToSoulCircle, #SelfCareCoaching, #EveMenezesCunningham, #PodcastForHealing, #ADHDFriendly, #TraumaInformed

Full transcript

In a world in which so many of us, especially with trauma histories and ADHD, get so many messages shaming people into being less, to tone it down, to homogenise, and one of the things I love most about The Ways is it really respects seven different ways. Very different ways in which people throughout history that have been researched, their souls were expressing themselves.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and I'm here to help you create the life you don't have to retreat from. I'm doing this by helping you take better care of yourself. That's the lower case self care and also that upper case Self, that highest, wisest, truest, most brilliant, joyful and miraculous part of yourself. I do this by sharing trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas and I would love to hear how you're getting on and what questions you might have.

In today's episode, we're working with one of my favourite elements of psychosynthesis known as The Ways. It’s the different ways in which our souls express themselves. So in a world in which so many of us, especially with trauma histories and ADHD, so many messages shaming people into being less, to tone it down, to homogenise and one of the things I love most about The Ways is it really respects seven different ways, very different ways in which people throughout history that have been researched, their souls were expressing themselves. And it helps us have more empathy for whichever resonates most for ourselves and also to better understand loved ones and others in our lives. Now I'm not suggesting that we're up there with the geniuses that Piero Ferrucci studied for his gorgeous book, Inevitable Grace: Breakthroughs in the Lives of Great Men and Women, Guides to Your Self-Realisation.

I talk about The Ways in 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, but if you have a chance to read Piero's gorgeous book I highly recommend it.

Welcome to episode 62 and it's an introduction. My core counselling training was in psychosynthesis and it was developed by Roberto Assagioli who was an Italian who had been massively influenced by Eastern philosophies as well as through his work with Freud and Jung.

Probably best known for his parts work in psychosynthesis (it's known as subpersonalities), psychosynthesis is a transpersonal approach so we're working with the parts of ourselves that are beyond the personal.

We're always, anytime I'm working with a client, I'm looking at what might be trying to emerge at a soul level as well as whatever the actual issue is, whether it's about boundaries or whatever it might be. All of our parts are ultimately trying to help us. By getting curious about them and befriending them rather than trying to annihilate them, we can properly integrate.

Another way in which we integrate psychosynthesis, it sounds so jargony, but the idea is that synthesis, it was initially called bio-psychosynthesis, so very influenced by yogic philosophy for example, that union between body and mind, everything coming together. One of the ways in which we can synthesise is by working with our inherent wholeness and by connecting with the ways in which our unique soul is trying to express itself in this lifetime in the world.

We're all different. By connecting with our own unique gifts and interests we can not only live more in line with our potential and purpose, finding joy, purpose and meaning as we develop, but we can also better support others and contribute to the world at large by being our full whole selves.

How many times as ADHDers do you hear that you're too much? You're not. It's time to shine. I'm recording this a little bit in advance but we've just had a Full Moon which is always a reminder to shine.

I was really fortunate to interview Piero Ferrucci who'd continued Assagiolie's work on the ways in this beautiful book I mentioned, Inevitable Grace, and pre-internet he had done enormous research looking at these phenomenal people that most of us will have heard of even if we're not familiar with them. His other books include the beautiful Power of Kindness and so many more.

When we disown negative parts of ourselves, so I say that as if like negatives in air quotes, we project them onto others. I don't think anyone is looking around at 2025 thinking it's idyllic. It is pretty grim, it's certainly very interesting and by working with the parts of ourselves that we so often project onto others and owning them we're contributing to personal peace and world peace.

I know that sounds a bit grandiose but we all have so much more power and responsibility than we often believe. Especially in the face of such an onslaught of horrors.

I love the way, I don't want to like spoil anything and this is very much an introduction, but there are seven ways in which the soul expresses itself and, in all of them, the transpersonal experiences, their breakthroughs, the self-actualisation.

It's not easy but it is possible. By familiarising ourselves with what those who've come before us have done – and I'm aware like as I've been working on this episode I'm thinking of people I would fit into The Ways in modern times (eg, Simone Biles, the Way of the Will, AOC, Way of Action) because the book was written a good while ago.

As you find out more, I hope that you will give yourself permission to imagine your own soul unfurling and blossoming.

If you're a subscriber to my free newsletter you'll receive some journal prompts to help you with that.

And if you're a member of the Sole to Soul Circle (which you can join for less than two euros a week) you'll be receiving a recording of one of my favourite guided imagery practices from Piero Ferrucci's book to help you connect with your own sense of purpose, meaning and joy.

Access additional resources to support your own purpose, meaning and joy at selfcarecoaching.net/home/purpose-meaning-and-joy or look at selfcarecoaching.net/services/psychosynthesis.

I go into more depth into the ways in the book and of course Piero's book is phenomenal and I highly recommend it. I recommend all of his books.

We're going to start with the Way of Beauty and some of the examples he uses for this are Chekhov, Schuman, Van Gogh, Gaughin and Kafka. It's very much about learning to set aside stereotypes and worn out attitudes and to learn it all over again without fear of hesitation of being ourselves. So personally when I realised that my soul is like I adore music, I adore art, I'm a writer and I adore harmony.

One of the ways in which people on the Way of Beauty could potentially be overdoing it would be in keeping the peace at all costs because we like harmonious lives. It's about, for me, that self-empathy. If, for example something like misophonia, I didn't understand that years ago, but learning about the Way of Beauty and recognising OK, so I am especially sensitive to noises and smells and what have you. Giving myself permission to change train carriages for example or like before I came across the Ways, I would force myself to endure what felt like assaults (visual or auditory or other sensory).

I'm imagining that many ADHDers and neurodivergent listeners will identify with this but it's about giving yourself permission to pursue beauty not at the expense of everything else.

All of these Ways have their wonderful transpersonal qualities and they also have a danger of going too far but even recognising that beauty is how many souls express themselves, giving yourself permission to surround yourself in stunning nature, great art, whatever it is that stirs your soul.

And also giving yourself permission to create without being too traumatised by the gulf between the vision of what you're hoping to bring into the world and the reality.

Then we move on to the Way of Action and his examples include the prison reformer Elizabeth Fry, the activist Mary Carpenter, Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa of Calcutta and Florence Nightingale. And he's explaining that through action we can become more capable, stronger and freer. And I'm reminded also of Mr Fred Rogers’ words after any horror show in the world, that his mother would always advise him to ‘look for the helpers’.

The helpers are those on this Way of Action but all of us can not only help others and be of service and make the world less of a horror show and create a more equitable, just, free, peaceful world for all its inhabitants.

It's inspiring to notice the people who even now are working tirelessly to be of service and to improve things for all and also taking action ourselves to whatever degree that is possible.

It's empowering and it helps to counter some of the despair.

Then we move on to the Way of Illumination which is also known as the Way of Universal Love. Some of the people he explores in this aspect are Saint Francis of Assisi, the Buddha, Gopi Krishna, Aldous Huxley, Assagioli, Tolstoy (not for his writing but for his educating.

He set up a school where people were free to come and leave freely and he considered the teachers as assistants helping the kids learn rather than the kind of very ‘power over’ approach that too many of us are familiar with from school), Montessori and just really thinking about that sense of Universal Love.

And thinking about maybe the teachers, the educators who've inspired you and how you can connect more with that Universal Love, that Illumination, that being guided.

Then we move on to the way of dance and ritual and it includes acting. It includes the ways in which actors would perform like he talks about Laurence Olivier’s kind of performing (like I did theatre studies A level and I remember the whole Stanislavski approach but that's a ritual). Reading the paper every morning if people still do that, I know people who still do that, is a ritual. Having a cup of tea outside or whatever rituals help ground you.

Dance. He points out that dance is found in all cultures and it's a form of recreation, it is a form of self-expression and it's also a way to release surplus energy. It can also be a way to connect with the divine as with the Whirling Dervishes, Isadora Duncan's work, he talks about tai chi and yoga, Rudolf Nureyev, Merce Cunningham, Mary Wigman and Black Elk.

Think about your own experiences with dance. It doesn't have to be anything public, it can be you connecting with your body.

Maybe you've tried Five Rhythms and Gabrielle Roth's beautiful therapeutic dance where it'd be five different types of music to express different types of emotion. You might want to draw the curtains if you're shy and just dance around your home or think about the rituals.

I know I share loads in these podcasts and in the book and on my site and everything but think about rituals, think about routines, think about dance, things of ways that help you feel more connected and more embodied and more connected with that transpersonal, with the Divine.

Then we move on to the Way of Science and I was laughing reading his talk about that kind of before the breakthrough and the slow demanding slog really with periods of despair and I was thinking while science is a rigorous discipline, writing has similarities.

He talks about Albert Einstein, Candice Peart, Isaac Newton, Louis Pasteur and Marie Curie and I hadn't remembered this from reading it initially but he says that Thomas Edison was so lost in his experiments that he forgot to attend his own wedding.

Again the Way of Science with all of these Ways: hyper focus. I'm imagining many of these people that he studied would now be considered neurodivergent but I don't think I've come across anyone else forgetting to attend their own wedding because they got so caught up in scientific experiments.

We then move on to the Way of Devotion and he talks about the great mystics including Saint Teresa of Avila, Saint John of the Cross, Rumi, Hafiz, Narada, Kabir, Saint Catherine and also I think especially in 2025 when some people use religious beliefs to try and oppress others, all of the ways in which our souls are trying to express themselves have their dangers if taken too far but I think with some of the persecution we see going on today it's especially important to remember that it's not Divine to be oppressing anyone.

And then we move on to the Way of the Will. This is the final Way and he talks about pioneers, politicians, athletes who push beyond the limits of what is considered possible and all who risk their lives for some worthy cause. I'm thinking emergency services, activists who are putting their bodies on the line to protect the vulnerable.

He talked about Charles Lindbergh and his flight from Boston to Paris knowing that he might die, talks about Joan of Arc, Mahatma Gandhi and really taking the yogic philosophy principle of Ahimsa, non-violence, to change the world through non-violence and he points out that non-violence isn't just not committing violence but confronting injustice and fighting it until it's eliminated.

In the Circle there's going to be a special meditation and there'll be journal prompts for subscribers but you don't have to do anything else. Just ask yourself if any of them resonate for you. Which? Explore the book, go into more detail and get in touch if you'd like to through the feelbettereverydaypodcast.com or you could comment on any of the posts and give yourself permission to connect with even the possibility that your soul is trying to express itself in every given moment, any given moment.

That any problem is an opportunity for your soul to develop and evolve. Thank you for listening. For deeper dives into each podcast episode and bonus interviews with the guests plus access to the complete archive including the Love Your Whole Self Chakra Journey, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle and you might also enjoy the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and you can also find out more and access free and other resources at selfcarecoaching.net or sign up at evemc.substack.com. Thank you again for listening and if you haven't already subscribed and would like to that would be delightful, feel free to share with someone you think you might enjoy it, rate, comment, review, whatever feels good for you and this episode like all of them was produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.

I look forward to sharing more next week.

Defying gravity with the Booby Physio, Siobhan O’Donovan

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 07:00:00 +0100

This week’s guest, the Booby Physio (aka former Ireland rugby player Siobhan O’Donovan) shares some life changing advice (well, it has been for me!) on all kinds of ways in which we can better support our whole selves. You can find her at posturefittingphysio.com and on social media at posture.fitting

Watch here or listen wherever you get your podcasts

Let me know how you’re going to start better supporting yourself today (and while a lot of the conversation is about boobs, much of it is beneficial for all genders).

Le grá (with love),

Evei

Full transcript

It wasn't as much of an impact for me because I wasn't in a space where I was aware of it, but psychologically, huge, absolutely huge. So then I kind of went, this is mad. If this is having this effect on me, what can I do to bring this to my patients? And then after several years, I then set up my own physiotherapy service offering to patients the option for me to help them to be to internally support their breast weight through their posture or alignment and externally through optimal bra fitting.

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and I'm here to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from by taking better care of yourself and your Self with an uppercase S, that highest, wisest, truest, most joyful, brilliant, and miraculous part of yourself.

I love sharing these trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD friendly self-care ideas, and I hope you enjoy listening as much as I've enjoyed making them.

Welcome, Siobhan O'Donovan! Thank you so, so much for joining me.

You're very welcome. I'm very, very delighted to be here.

I am so excited. I went to the Dive Ireland show a few weeks ago and Siobhan, known as the Booby Physio, was giving a talk on boobs and buoyancy and it was the only talk I went to.

Thank you.

It was basically about, like, I'm a member of Roscommon Sub Aqua Club, but when I come to the diving it's something I was aware of, like buoyancy, all the rest of it, different bodies. And what you were talking, it wasn't just about the diving, it's about daily life. And I just think what you're doing is phenomenal and I want as many people to hear about it as possible. I got home, I got rid of most of my bras because they were stabbing me and all the rest of it.

And I'm on the way to replacing, I've replaced two of them so far, I'll be, like, gradually, but it's incredible work you do. So thank you, thank you, thank you. And what would you like to say about what you're working on at the moment, what you do?

So I suppose if I give you a little bit of background as to how I've kind of ended up being surrounded by breasts.

I started my life as a PE teacher because I wanted to work within an active profession, and this was a long time ago when I was doing my first degree. And there weren't many options, there weren't many options in the activity field and there were fewer options again for women. So lots of things that I now look back on and I can see gender gap situations and things like that now that I'm a little bit more aware of that situation.

But from the point of view of a profession, I really never gave any thought to anything other than possibly becoming a sports journalist and then realise, no, that's not, that's not a thing. There is no, you know, because it was journalism and you then maybe reported on sports as opposed to now where it's a bit more specific. But it was either that or and then I was like, well, that's going to be sitting, you know, on a typewriter.

And I wanted a more active thing. So PE teaching was the basically the only option, but also something that I was really happy to be doing. I was, I was happy to go on to be a PE teacher for the rest of my life, or so I thought, until I did my actual four-year degree.

Within that four-year degree, we had a couple of modules on exercise physiology. So getting a little bit deeper into how the body works, deeper than we would have done in, you know, Leaving Cert biology. And then also there was a module on sports injuries.

And I kind of sat there through that and I thought, we really as PE teachers need to know this stuff because we are encouraging kids to be active. And if we give them, for example, an exercise or a movement that is potentially inappropriate, then we're effectively possibly teaching them something that could ultimately be damaging for them.

Now, having been in the field that I'm in for a lot of years, what we now know is that movement is absolutely a non-negotiable and it is far more important for somebody to be moving than for us to be focusing too much on, you need to be moving with your neck in this position or whatever.

But I've also come a little bit full circle on that in that we need to be mindful of the way that we hold ourselves because that does affect how we function. Yeah. That's a bit that I'll come back to when we talk a little bit more about posture.

I realised that there was the potential for me as a PE teacher to not be informed enough to be providing good quality movement advice. And so after I had finished my degree, I was teaching, I taught in London. And while I was there, I looked into how do I do more about this sports injuries bit? That's where I was focusing on.

Basically, cut a long story short, physio degree, three years plus a two year postgrad in sports, which would have involved me doing a lot of stuff that I didn't have an interest in. And also five years on top of four years financially, that was never going to happen. And then I heard about a Masters in the States. And basically, that's what I did. I went over to the States, did a year of prerequisite courses to get on to the Masters, then did the Masters.

And this was back in the early ‘90s when, you know, flying over to the States meant, ‘I'm gone for the year. You're not going to see me for a year.’ And I'd be lucky if I get back in the year. Very different to what it is now.

So that was that was quite a big move. And I suppose I like one of the things that I'm very proud of the fact that I did, because if I hadn't done, I probably would have been a very happy PE teacher for the rest of my life. But I kind of feel like what I'm doing now is impacting people in ways that are different to what would have happened if I'd stayed in PE.

While I was over there, the focus very much on what I was doing was on prevention of injuries. So it wasn't just wait for the fire to happen and try and put the fire out.

It was let's not have the fire start in the first place. Let's look at people's bodies. Let's look at how they move. Let's look at their lives and how they function. And let's prevent problems.

Then when I came back on this side of the water, I was pretty unique in that most people who would have gone on and done a physio degree, it would have been here are the problems. This is how we treat them.

And originally now it has changed. But originally, the focus would have been more on treatment. And I think what has happened over the years is people have come to realise that in order to do effective treatment, we also need to prevent the problem from coming back.

Therefore, that whole preventive aspect has come into play over here. It was more strong in the States because the degree that I did was based in schools and colleges. It was based on students having exposure to athletic injury every day because they were training every day like this.

The school sports system over there is incredibly intense. Yeah, I'll do it voluntarily, but they're training literally every day and possibly two games a week. So if you've that much exposure to potential for injury, then there is more injury happening.

The degree that I did was for a specific qualification that's school based. But when I then came back, I had quite a unique set. Well, I had a pretty completely unique set of qualifications and skills.

One of the things that I did was I got on board with developing those degrees in the UK and we now have them in Ireland as well. Looking at that more specific athletic sports. And when I say athletic, I don't mean you have to be an athlete.

I mean, being physically active and how that can, you know, the ramifications of that. So whether the person is going out for a walk or whether they are chasing an Olympic medal, that kind of a field. And so I was involved with that and with setting up the first professional body for that side of things.

And that was very much where my focus was. I was dealing with the active population. And then life changed for me in London when I had a bra fitting and I had it done purely by chance, purely because I had an hour to kill before I went to The Proms.

And with I was with my mother-in-law. I had read about this shop in London and that, you know, that I knew did bra fitting. And I was like, well, here I am, 45 years of age.

Sure, I may as well go and have my first one. And it was you know, it literally changed my view on everything. I walked out that door an inch taller.

Yeah. I don't know if I said this at the at the Scuba…

…I'm just I think I know the shop you mean. Yes. But also. Oh, no, no, there's several of them dotted across. And I can't remember which one we went to. But I was going to The Proms at the Royal Albert Hall. And honestly, if I'd walked in the door and they had said on the stage, we're short somebody to play piano. Can somebody come up? I'd have been like, I'm there. I was ready to take on the world.

Whatever you threw at me, I was going to be able to cope with it because I had this absolute psychological change.

Yeah. For me, like at the time, I was training reasonably well because of playing for Ireland because I played rugby for Ireland. And I would have been at that kind of stage still where I was still training quite hard.

I wasn't playing at the time. But I didn't have physical and issues in terms of either thinking my breast weight was I never knew anything about breast weight, so I didn't know it could have affected my performance at all. And I didn't have physical kind of neck pain or back pain, which I now know people have as a result of unsupported breast weight.

Physically, it wasn't as much of an impact for me because I wasn't in a space. I was aware of it. But psychologically, you absolutely huge. Then I kind of went, this is mad if this is having this effect on me.

Yeah.

What can I do to bring this to my patients? And then after several years, I then set up my own physiotherapy service offering to patients the option for me to help them to be able to internally support their breast weight through their posture or alignment and externally through optimal bra fitting.

And I realised this is a longer answer to the question that you expected. But I ended up I'm from Cork. Remember the Blarney Stone? We just talk.

Oh, you're brilliant.

Sorry. But I realised very quickly that the vast majority of women are in the wrong bra, which is why the heading on my flyer and my banner behind, which might be back to front now, but the heading is, Are you wearing someone else's bra? Because the chances are that people are because they are generally not in the right fit.

And so far in all the work that I've done with the people that I've seen and the physios are therapists that I've trained who have also seen people we have yet to see anybody wearing the right bra. So everybody is. 100%.

Now, the research will tell you 70 to 80%. Bra fitters in shops that sell bras will tell you it's 90 to 95%. And we'll tell you it's 100% because those that we've seen now, obviously, if somebody goes into a shop to buy a bra, they're going in with a vested interest, presumably, but they may be more aware of the need. Yeah.

Early with us, people may be more aware of the need. But equally, what I want people to understand is that you don't have to have a need. To be more optimally supported, because it has the benefits, it has physical benefits and it has benefits that people don't know.

Yeah. Benefit from. And it's kind of like one of those things until you experience it.

Yeah. Don't underestimate the difference it can make.

With my yoga therapy element of my work, it involves a lot of neuroscience and you're talking about working with the pons part of the brain, like through the physiology of you said that it's taller, like you're sending signals of safety to the brain, which then cascade down to the whole system.

And it's like, yeah, imagine if everyone had that every day, walking into whatever situation and that feeling of safety to be ourselves and supported. And I love all the puns you use in your marketing.

I was going to ask about your ideal and actual daily self-care. You were talking a little bit about the posture. Do you do physio for yourself? Do you do any exercises yourself that help you? Yeah, well, I mean, for me, strength training is a really, really important part of everyone's life. Should be for everyone, but more so for women, because we have hormonal changes and men have hormonal changes, but the hormonal changes that occur for us over time. And I'm not talking about just at menopause, because again, there's a great increase in the narrative on menopause and it's fabulous that's happening. But there are hormonal changes with pregnancy. There are hormonal changes through the menstrual cycle. You know, we are constantly fluctuating in hormones.

And so one of the things that really helps us, benefits us over life is to be stronger, is to be in a situation where we can physically do things. And then that has psychological benefits. So I mean, I needed to move.

There was actually, it was my husband's dive kit. So they got lost coming back on a flight and he was away and they delivered it in a taxi the next day. And I just picked it up out of the back of the car and took it in.

Because I'm used to carrying twenty five kilograms, that wasn't an issue. It was a lady taxi driver, it was a female taxi driver. She came to the door and she said to me, Is there somebody here that will be able to help us with the case? And I was like, You know, I'll be fine, you know.

And she was jaw to the floor at the fact that could just carry it in.

And for me, that's something that we all should be able to do. I'm not saying we should be able to lift 80kg, but we should do functional things, because that also gave me a really strong sense of, Well done me!

Yeah, to do it. You know, I wanted to help her to do it because she clearly needed help to get it into the taxi in the first place and then had decided, as she was driving down, going to need a man to carry it. And, you know, so that for me was a real kind of and it happens all the time when I get courier delivery.

So I get it for you. And I'll be like, No, that's fine. I've got it. And it's a good feeling to be able to do it from that perspective. So for me, strength training is really a non-negotiable. And I think also it ties into what I'm doing as well with the postural side, because and that comes back to what you were talking about.

I don't know if you ever read, there was a study that was done quite a few years ago, and then there was a lot of controversy about it, which I mentioned. So it was about what's called the Power Pose.

So basically, you're going into a bathroom before an interview, standing in the mirror, looking at yourself, bringing yourself up into this position. And that gives you all that neural input that you just mentioned. Increased testosterone, lower cortisol after just two minutes and the results last for hours.

Yeah. So where it was controversial was that they did saliva testing, looking at the hormonal responses. And what has been acknowledged by the author since then is that that saliva testing was not accurate or not potentially reliable.

And she got she got absolutely slammed by people saying that's not the case, that it doesn't happen like that. It isn't accurate. But the point of what she was doing, let's take away the saliva testing.

The point of what she was doing was I would challenge anybody to go into this what she called the Power Pose and not feel confident. And we have research showing that posture and mood are inherently correct. Absolutely.

If somebody sits in a slouch position, they find it easier to recall negative memories and they find it harder to recall positive thoughts, whereas if they're in a more upright position, the positive thoughts are easier and the negative thoughts are harder. So we know that what they called in that study, the Power Pose is a positive situation. And aside from the psychological side of it, there's a social side of it as well, which is, you know, a lot of the women that I speak to don't want to go out because they don't want people looking at their breasts.

They don't want to be active because they don't want their breasts moving and therefore they don't want to be cat called if they're running down the road. They will avoid exercise because and very often in high school, in teenage kids can be very cruel. And this is not that I'm not pointing the finger at boys here because girls equally unkind to each other.

But a lot of girls will drop out of sports in teenage years because of breast movement. And this is now something that we know. Again, we have research showing this.

But until we acknowledge that that's a thing, then there's nothing being done to try and change that. But the other social side of it is things not related to activity at all, not going to the party because you don't want somebody to be looking at you, not going because you don't have clothes that you think hide your breasts, wearing a scarf that hangs down, that literally hangs down because people think that detracts from their breasts when in fact, actually, what it does is it draws attention and being better supported actually is their visibility in a way, you know. So this is what's also been really interesting is that where we have had larger breasted women who've come in.

And one of the things that I would say to them that one of our goals is to bring your breasts more front and centre because when breast tissue is poorly supported, it sits underneath your arms. And if it's your arms, then your clothes hang down in a block. Yeah.

Our breasts are supposed to sit on the front of our body. So when we bring them to the front, a lot of large women be like, no, no, I don't want that. It's going to be too obvious.

But actually, when they're in front and narrower, they're less obvious. Yeah. Out at the...

Jayne Leonard on food and mood

Tue, 27 May 2025 07:00:00 +0100

For World Digestive Health Day, am delighted to be welcoming Jayne Leonard back to discuss a super simple way (even I’m enjoying experimenting with it) to improve our gut health, ADHD symptoms and mental health.

And Sole to Soul Circle members can join us tomorrow for a deeper dive into getting our inner (and actual) toddlers on board.

le grá (with love),

Evei

Watch here

Full transcript

… and found that those people who ate 30 or more plant foods a week had a far more diverse gut microbiome.

So that's fruit and veg?

It's actually fruit, veg, grains, nuts, seeds, so just 30 different types a week. So it actually isn't completely out of reach, you know, if you had your porridge with berries and seeds and nuts that's already like four different, four out of your 30 in one meal. It was just very little things, just like a different seed every morning, a different…

Hi, you're listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and I'm here to help you create a life you don't have to retreat from.

I'm doing this by helping you take better care of yourself. That's the lower case self-care and also that upper case Self: that highest, wisest, truest, most brilliant, joyful and miraculous part of yourself. I do this by sharing trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly self-care ideas and I would love to hear how you're getting on and what questions you might have.

Today we're working with our digestive health for World Digestive Health Day and I'm delighted to welcome back Jayne Leonard. She specialises in food and mental health.

I hope you find this helpful. And if you want to join the Sole to Soul Circle or if you're already a member, your bonus content this week will be a deeper dive into working with your inner child around pathological demand avoidance when you want to eat healthier but your inner toddler is like, No! And there's also plenty of helpful information for people dealing with actual toddlers. I've just made it all about my own inner toddler.

I hope you enjoy the episode and thank you for listening.

Welcome Jayne, thank you for coming back to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast and this is actually around your specialism because we're celebrating World Digestive Health Day.

Do you want to say a little bit about your background for people who haven't listened to the earlier episodes and where people can find you?

Yeah, so I'm a psychotherapist and nutritional therapist. My interest is in the intersection of the two. Food and mood.

I am currently doing a PhD in how mental health professionals use food and mood research in their whole field called nutritional psychiatry which studies the relationship between what we eat and how we feel. You can find me on my website vivecounselling.com or on LinkedIn or Instagram @vivecounselling.

And that's v-i-v-e? That's v-i-v-e, yeah. Thank you.

If you were to think about your ideal self-care around your own eating and your actual, what would you like to say about that?

Ideally, based on the research, we should be eating 30 different plant foods a week and that's for our gut health, for our digestive health, mental health.

There's been a huge American, the American Gut Project found that those people who ate 30 or more plant foods a week had a far more diverse gut microbiome.

That's fruit and veg?

So it's just varying little things, just like a different seed every morning, a different fruit. But yeah, aiming for 30 over the week.

Wow.

Yeah? So how do you think you do?

Challenge accepted! I think if this were even a few months ago I'd have been like, it's just like not even worth trying. Whereas I think, I'm guessing I'd be probably around 20 because I do have a lot of fruit and veg now and what you're saying with the nuts and seeds. I believe, I no longer think you're an alien for suggesting such a thing, put it that way. I believe it is possible.

I know you like dal, so it's like lentils, garlic, onion.

I made yesterday dal, I had the onion, the garlic, the ginger root, the turmeric root, the coriander, the spinach and the tomato. Would the coconut milk count?

I don't think so, it needs whole foods, so it'd be the whole. Yeah, so that's I think eight, if I counted correctly in one meal.

But then you tend to eat the dal every day for however long. It's about variety, isn't it?

Yeah, well your breakfast, your lunch, your snacks. Yeah, so about 30 plant foods a week.

One helping of fermented food a day as well, for gut health, is what they say is best. So in the future? Yes, kefir, kimchi, miso, sauerkraut. You just have to be careful if you're buying sauerkraut in the supermarket that it's not the pasteurised one, that it's the actual real fermented.

What are vegan options and if possible, what are pepper-free vegan options? This is very much about my allergy, but there'll be other people who are vegan.

Yeah, so some kimchis are vegan. You just have to note to see that it's not the fish.

I know Aldi have one, or Lidl have one that's vegan. Sauerkraut, miso, you can make water, kefir, kombucha.

OK.

Yeah, so most of them, yeah. So I think like about a tablespoon or so a day of sauerkraut or something.

Just a tablespoon? Yeah, I think one tablespoon is one serving.

I mean, I think most people don't even get close to that, so any increase is a good increase.

It's that sense always of, and I think this is an ADHD thing as well. It's like the, well, I can't do it perfectly. I'm not going to bother at all. So a tablespoon feels way more manageable. I was imagining that a whole bowl of it and thinking, Ew.

No, like one to two tablespoons. Yeah. I mean, you know, but beyond two tablespoons, I don't think it's probably a need, but like any, you know, like I said, any change is better than none.

That's the point of the podcast. Something is better than nothing. A teaspoon will be better than nothing, you know, or having it once a week would be better than never having it.

It's, well, whatever feels manageable, you know, you're not trying to be perfect. You're just trying to be, a little bit, make it a little bit easier each time.

I say this now, knowing that I rarely do this myself with the healthy foods, even though I have the best intentions, but definitely make the 30 different plant foods. So they would be two things. And then the other thing I would say is ultra processed foods. To really watch those.

Yeah. I know. They're just kind of coming out now as being pretty bad for gut health and overall health and mental health as well.

Big links between that.

So I'd say if you have them, have them intentionally, you know, rather than, because we can have like an ultra processed pasta sauce and not realise it's actually maybe not as good as we think ourselves, whereas at least if you're going to have something ultra processed, at least recognise what it is and that you're having it as a treat rather than, you know, putting them into your day. Yeah.

I, when I started seeing the medical herbalist, Colleen, she was a guest a few weeks ago and it was a good few years ago now, maybe four years ago, but I was actually celebrating my Denny's anniversary of like a year of Denny's vegan sausages every day because they were so delicious.

She was horrified. And it's like as a treat, but not as a yeah.

Yeah. A lot of the vegan food is very ultra processed. Yeah.

And do you use the Yuka app?

I don't. I tend to make most of my stuff from scratch or I just quickly check the label. I tend to just buy the whole food. So I don't, but I know I've had lots of clients say it's been very helpful. I know you've said it's very helpful. Yeah.

Just thinking like, even in terms of like, say making dal, the first time I was using the app, most of the coconut milk tins I was picking up were containing hazardous, risky additives. That's the thing I'm seeking to avoid.

But like some of the ultra processed vegan stuff, it shows up well on the Yuka app in terms of nutritional value and others, terrible. And it's really like even within the same brands, different products, either. And it's really like I wouldn't have the bandwidth or the brain to be navigating the labels. So yeah.

Yeah. And I would say with labels, it's, you know, like a shorter label or foods you can recognise tend to be, but that's just a general rule of thumb. But yeah.

And with the coconut milk, you can replace it with, you know, the block. I got organic, it was OK.

Oh yeah.

Sorry, do you mean like the decimated coconut?

No, you can kind of get, is it cocoa butter? It's a little cocoa butter. It's a little block. Oh, you can get it in the health food store.

I need to figure out what it is. It will come to me, but you can just kind of like grate it up. Yeah.

I think it is. I want to say the decimated or desecrated coconut. My grandmother used to use it.

But I can't remember. Clearly it's not like unsacred. Yeah.

So that's one workaround. Yeah. And the organic one was good.

Yeah. But sorry, I'm interrupting you.

No, you're fine.

Anything else for your ideal for all of us and for yourself?

I think that would be if, I mean, I think we'd be doing amazingly if we could all do that, if we could get ultra processed to like, you know, 20% ultra processed. So that's, you know, those kinds of highly processed foods or that you said have lots of additives like emulsifiers now are being thought to be pretty unhealthy for the gut. They might increase the permeability of the gut and damage the balance of the microbiome.

But they're also quite high in sugar, which is the bad bacteria. And they are very low in fibre. The fibre is usually stripped out, which of course we need fibre to feed the good probiotics.

Yeah.

In terms of your actual, because I know you're looking amazing and sounding amazing, but you're also in a tumultuous time with lots of house moves and like you're doing amazingly.

What is your actual essential daily self-care around food and your own gut health?

Yeah, it could be better at the moment. Like you said, things are very hectic, but I do try to eat, you know, I think I've said this the last podcast, like something protein-y.

I usually just have nuts or seeds or something first thing in the morning. And I try and just keep it really, really simple. Oat cakes with hummus and tomatoes and, you know, some spices or herbs, you know, that's kind of already three things, you know, three of my 30.

Just very, very simple things, but that are not usually processed or like rice cakes with a hundred percent peanut, peanut butter or almond butter and banana and cinnamon. Yeah, just trying to keep it really, really simple. But recognising that, okay, yeah, I could have the really fancy, lovely, tasty thing, but actually really tasty too.

And you do notice that when you start cutting out all the processed foods, regular foods do taste better.

Yeah. Yeah.

Because we've been conditioned and I'm also remembering you're gluten-free as well as being vegan. Like, so you've got extra challenges around.

Well, very low gluten. Yeah. But I do eat sometimes because I'm not coeliac, but I do have gluten intolerance, but yeah. So it is, but I suppose I'm used to it now.

Yeah. And you mentioned, I've heard that a few times about the importance, especially with ADHD brains for like protein. And I'm thinking I've got a little bowl of nuts next to the kettle for easy access, which I walked straight past this morning and I haven't had breakfast yet.

I've been up for hours. And some people have said that it's important to eat first thing. And then other people talk about like intermittent fasting and I tend to think, Oh, I'll eventually eat when I remember to eat, which I realise is probably not what you're going to say is ideal.

I don't know. I mean, I suppose it's, it is kind of individual. I wouldn't previously, even when I, I still do, I still eat when I feel like eating, you know, I just look at breakfast is when you break your fast rather than to be at 8am or 7am or whatever.

But yeah, intermittent fasting, the research is interesting. I think it's more persuasive for men than it is for women because of hormonal fluctuations and things with ADHD as well. It may not be the best option or maybe that you do your kind of fasting window from morning till afternoon, particularly if people are on medication, they probably do need to eat before they take their medication because that suppresses them.

Yeah, I mean, I have worked with people who do intermittent fast, but we've looked at kind of adjusting the fasting window and that seems to work better.

And again, to be clear, I'm not actually intermittent fasting. I'm just randomly picking something and thinking, well, maybe what I'm doing that everyone's telling me is bad is fine because other people deliberately don't eat for that length of time.

But I'd love if you could say something. First of all, is there anything else that is an essential for you, especially in turbulent times?

For me, I suppose it's nature as well, time outside in nature among the trees. And that's obviously really good for gut health as well. And there's lots of microbes all around us that we should be absorbing and digging in the soil and stuff. I haven't had a chance to do that in a while, but in nature as much as I can.

Yeah, wonderful. And what would you like to say about sensitive nervous systems and trauma and ADHD and gut health, if anything?

Yeah, so I suppose there's a link between trauma and digestive issues, IBS and irritable bowel syndrome and inflammatory bowel disease. And there's also a link between ADHD and IBS. So I don't know that they fully know why, but obviously the gut microbiome is being investigated as a link and there is a link between ADHD and gut health as well.

They're looking at that.

I think it probably is about improving gut health through diet and maybe probiotic supplementation, maybe more time in nature, more exercise, managing stress. And there is research that when we do that, ADHD symptoms can improve.

And I mean, you're saying that it's like, of course, and the Rest Digest response, parasympathetic activity, it's so important. And then it's so much easier said than done.

What helps you reduce stress? I know you've said a few things and you seriously revolutionised my life when I interviewed you the first time. Like yesterday, I had a friend over making dal and pilau rice.

And it was like, yeah, it was stressful trying to navigate the attention and focus and getting distracted. But thinking, I can't believe how much I've come to love cooking, because I decided to reframe it as part of my self-care, that nourishing myself.

And I have actually forgotten what I was asking you.

Other things to reduce stress that I do. Maybe try the breakfast. Yeah, I suppose nature is my biggest one. I love being outdoors. And even just, you know, there is again, lots of studies that say nature is great for trauma, great for anxiety, great for depression, for ADHD symptoms, because that's how we're meant to live.

It really grounds me, makes me feel mindful. It switches off my brain. And presumably it helps my gut health.

And like you said, cooking as well is, I find it very, very mindful. I get into the flow. And, you know, so it's like, that's just what I'm doing.

That one thing.

And can you remind us, for people who haven't listened to your first interview on the podcast, like I'm listening to you now. And it's like, I'm going to do, oh, the batch cooking.

I am doing much more batch cooking. But I realised that my brain, I realised that is a symptom. It's like, I'm going to spend a whole day doing like a month's worth. And that just isn't realistic with my schedule. How do you navigate, because you've got kids as well, like how do you navigate the actual cooking in a sustainable way?

I think just keep it simple. You know, like I said, I like, you know, you see all the Instagram meals and they look amazing and they're great and they are fabulous.

But they're really, you know, they can be really overwhelming as well for anyone, for busy people, anyone.

But if you've ADHD as well, or trauma or anxiety or depression, like that's really overwhelming to gather all these different ingredients and prepare it all and do 25 steps. I think it's lovely for a special occasion, but I do think, and I've had this conversation with clients before, when we look back on how our grandparents ate and our parents would have eaten, and they were, you know, probably much healthier than us in terms of like food related illnesses.

And the soil would have had more nutrients back then as well.

Yeah, for sure. And more, the food had more flavour back then because of the way bread and the soil.

But they ate much simpler food. It was just a focus on what's in season, what's, you know, whole foods. And that's what I do.

I just keep it really, really simple. I don't do hugely fancy. I use a lot of herbs and spices and things, but I'm not, you know, I'm not spending hours every day making dinner at all.

Well, for the bonus content for the Sole to Soul Circle members, I'd like to talk to you about self-care and nutrition for our inner children, like, and actual children as well, where appropriate. But I wondered, just for this conversation, what are your thoughts around working metaphorically, like when we have an upset stomach, when we have, when there's a lot going on that's stressful and we're struggling to digest life? Like, do you work metaphorically with the gut as well as physiologically?

Probably not as much as you would, I would think. Not so much. I would, I mean, I would always encourage people to listen to their gut. I mean, that's, I'm huge on that, huge on that coming from the trauma background. I don't know, do I do it so metaphorically? But for sure, listening to it, what's it saying?...

Meditation (with trauma and/or ADHD) isn't impossible

Tue, 20 May 2025 07:00:00 +0100

I’ve been meditating daily (at least once a day) since March 2013. Sporadically since 2001. And teaching different types of meditation since 2003.

And I still find it really challenging. But I can’t imagine life without it.

I hope that by sharing some of the joys and challenges of different types of meditation and ADHD and trauma, my own history (with a deeper, more personal dive for the Sole to Soul Circle members tomorrow), that you’ll be kinder to yourself around any challenges you have in keeping your focus on the meditation.

Remember, it’s a practice.

Some days it’s easier than other days but the noticing when our attention drifts and bringing it back is the key.

Let me know how you get on! Email eve@selfcarecoaching.net or comment.

le grá (with love),

Evei

Full transcript

And when I treat it like punishment, like I don't know about you, but I used to get told off a lot for talking in class, again, ADHD, for distracting other people, and of course, I distract myself. So it's figuring out what length of time would work for you. And when I'm talking about a 12-hour silence, that's not all meditative, but it does help me get quieter.

Welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday, I release new episodes to help you feel better every day. They're trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD friendly, (Self with an uppercase S and lowercase s) self-care ideas designed to support you in connecting with and taking care of your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, and miraculous part of yourself. To create a life you don't need to retreat from. So I hope you enjoy this new episode.

And if you haven't already listened, access older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or at selfcarecoaching.net or through whatever platform you prefer.

You can also access lots of free resources to find out more about how we might work together at selfcarecoaching.net.

And through the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and for deeper dives into each podcast episode, there's a bonus interview with my guests, where I have guests or into the theme, as well as access to the complete archive, including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey. And you can access all of that by joining the Sole to Soul Circle. So that's S-O-L-E for the Sole of your feet.

It's a fully embodied approach and soul S-O-U-L. It's a transpersonal approach. It's very holistic.

You can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net and evemc.substack.com. So thanks again for listening. And I hope you enjoy today's episode for World Meditation Day.

Today's topic is meditation. Episode 589. We're looking at the challenges and benefits of meditation for trauma survivors and VAST/ADHD brains. While I've already shared hundreds of meditations for you, I have several in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, as well as on my YouTube, in newsletters, blog posts, articles.

And you can access loads through the site selfcarecoaching.net or through my YouTube channel. I'm sharing shorter trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD meditations every Friday, starting soon, not this Friday. But I thought it would be a lovely way actually to show the huge degree of variation in meditations. They have different benefits, different feelings, different ways of applying them.

When my psychiatrist told me that if anyone told me I should try mindfulness to cure my ADHD, I should tell them to F off, I laughed. I agreed with her AND shuddered to even imagine the state of my brain had I not been meditating for decades and daily since 2013. And I teach mindfulness meditation as one of the forms I do teach.

It's been amazing and it remains challenging. In recent years, since 2012, understanding more about my brain and other trauma survivors’, and then more recently VAST/ADHD brains, the meditations I've been guiding and facilitating for myself and others have all been trauma-informed and in the last few years, VAST/ADHD friendly. Even so, I still struggle with meditation.

I'm still waiting to try ADHD medication, but I also know that even though I struggle with my daily meditation, it is so worth it. In today's episode, I'm going to share part of my own personal journey with meditation and hope that it will inspire you to keep practicing. It is, after all, a practice.

This is another episode that I have scripted. I'm just moving the recycling bin a little bit closer. I hopefully won't wave too many papers in too many directions as I go through it.

In my twenties, the first time I tried meditation, I thought I was having a heart attack and I wasn't, but I was so conditioned to not cause a fuss. I just kind of sat there thinking I was having a heart attack and not looking after myself. Apparently my heart chakra was just opening, but there are so many different styles and there are ways if you want to try it and you're struggling, there are ways to go easier on yourself.

There truly is something for everyone. And the more compassionate you can be with yourself as you practice, and it is a practice, the more beneficial you'll find it. Even when we fail. I got distracted in this morning's beditation. If you want to find out more about ‘beditation’, I refer you to Caroline Shola Arewa’s episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, episode three, I think it was.

We still gain benefits even when we get distracted. It's about noticing when the mind wanders, congratulating yourself for noticing and gently bringing the awareness back to whatever the focus of that particular meditation is.

Research has found that, I mean, there's been so much research around meditation and many of these practices are ancient, whereas the modern neuroscience is just catching up. Some research shows that in as little as eight minutes, we get psychological, mental and emotional benefits. And that's for anyone.

A lot of the research has been done on seasoned veteran meditators and people who are monks and in other ways of life where it is an enormous part of their day-to-day. With practice, it rewires our brain.

If you're interested in some of the ever-increasing research using cutting-edge neuroscience and technology to find out how some of these ancient practices have been helping people, in some cases for thousands and thousands of years, I highly recommend Sharon Begley's beautiful book, The Plastic Brain.

It's a great start, a great place to start. In a nutshell, our brains are plastic. Everything we do either entrenches old beliefs or habits or helps us to cultivate newer, more helpful approaches.

While it's easier for children to, for example, learn a new language, learn new skills, learn anything new, their brains are more plastic when they're developing. It's never, ever, ever too late to learn even though it takes more effort. Dr Daniel Siegel was a guest lecturer when I trained and I remember him telling us about a man in his 90s who had healed his attachment issues even at that stage.

Every time you struggle with meditation practice or any kind of mind-body practice, I hope that you will remind yourself that all humans struggle and it can of course be even harder for our brains as Dr Ned Halliwell puts it, Ferrari engine, bicycle brakes, but it's still beneficial.

So even this morning, my not stellar effort had me start the day feeling much more centred, much more grounded, much more focused and calmer than if I hadn't bothered. If you were to imagine a jungle well-worn pathways are the old unconscious patterns and beliefs and habits that are our defaults.

We don't think about them. As Donald Hebb said, neurons that wire together, neurons that fire together, wire together. The more we do anything, whether that's helpful or less helpful, the stronger those neural pathways become. As we consciously change these, initially it might be like trying to find our way through dense thicket.

You might need a metaphorical machete to cut through, but the more we do it by practicing meditation and other new habits we're consciously cultivating, the more familiar and the better trodden those newer pathways, those newer neural pathways, new ways of being become.

That doesn't mean that we won't have tougher practices, but even noticing like I did this morning and persevering and like kind of giving myself more slack, cutting myself more slack helps us enormously. Just having a daily practice, having a regular practice and noticing some days your concentration is better. Some days your focus is better.

I hope that my sharing some of my experiences and some different practices, which you're going to find in instructions for in the new mini meditation series, will help you build, create or restart and maintain a regular meditation practice that supports you and your unique glorious brain.

I remember from childhood, I did a lot of drama, but I was so self-conscious and we did a lot of like relaxation, guided relaxations and meditations. And I remember pretending to relax. My mind was whirring the gazillion miles an hour. I remember on one occasion, I was so wound up. I looked relaxed, but someone kind of touched me gently and I kind of flew down a split of stairs at the Towngate Theatre in Basildon, because my startle reflex remains high, but it was really, really high. I would pretend to be relaxed, but I could not relax. I didn't understand anything about either ADHD or trauma.

I mentioned earlier my crystal therapy introduction to meditation as an adult, and I'd chosen some rose quartz to support my heart chakra. And I was palpitating so badly, I thought I was having a heart attack. In the Sole to Soul Circle, I'm sharing some of the crystals that support different types of meditation, because they can really offer a beautiful focus, both in terms of their energy, which I believe they have, but also in terms of them being comforting to hold.

So I have this beautiful clear quartz cluster here. It wouldn't be one that I generally pick for meditation, but just to give you an example for like focus, clarity, that could be wonderful. There are so many, I'll go into more detail with the Sole to Soul Circle, but you can also check out the crystal information on the website.

I remember in yoga classes when I started attending around 2001, for pain relief for the endometriosis, I'd be sobbing in Savasana at the end of every class, but I kept going because it offered such good pain relief. I knew it was a psycho-spiritual practice, so I knew that the stuff was coming up for healing, but back then there was very little understood about trauma-informed yoga. I longed to heal to get through how awful I felt.

And there was a part of me that kept going back and that did heal and that continues to heal. But something I teach my yoga students the whole time and often share with clients or loved ones is if you're in a position where you're meditating or you're doing anything where things are coming up for healing and you're struggling to contain it, being kind to yourself. Let yourself bring your awareness to your thighs, your breath, inhale as you tense the thighs and exhale as you release the thighs. By doing that a few times, you're coming into a sense of safety in your body and you're coming into the present moment.

By tensing and releasing the thighs, you're also burning off some of the extra stress hormones that are coursing through your system. When I did my psychosynthesis training, I did a lot of guided imagery work, which was really powerful, really transformative and sometimes deeply distressing because it was so powerful and transformative. And back then it wasn't trauma-informed the way I kind of facilitate them. They're very much trauma-informed. I've also been really fortunate wearing my freelance journalism hat to interview meditation experts, including former presidential candidate, Marianne Williamson, Sonia Choquette, Martha Beck, Robert Dilts, Dr Dina Glouberman, Piero Ferrucci, Diana Whitmore, so many people, so many different styles of working with meditation in so many different ways, practising, being kind to ourselves.

In my yoga therapy training, obviously there was an enormous amount of meditation and we finished with a semi-silent retreat, which for me back then, I remember everyone else was like, ‘Yay, silence!’

And I was like, ‘Oh my God, I'm not going to survive this.’ I had no idea it was coming up. My longest stretch of pure silence was 36 hours. We were allowed to journal. I know people who swear by like the 10 day Vipasana retreats, they adore it. For me, and now again, I understand more about my VAST/ADHD brain. It's like, of course I need to journal. Of course I need to externally process. Of course the rejection sensitivity dysphoria is high in such situations.

Back then, I remember thinking we were meant to be doing pure mindfulness meditation and I was drifting into breath practices and drifting into Metta meditation because I just found it too much to focus on. So I was shame spiralling. Then I went to hear Jon Kabat-Zinn, who is credited with bringing mindfulness to a more secular audience around the world decades ago now.

I love the title of one of his books, Wherever You Go, There You Are. I heard him in London in 2013 and there was something so beautiful about his approach. So allowing, so gentle.

I've not missed a day since. I just recognised, of course, it's about befriending your brain. It's not something I have to do or should do. It's something that I long to do. It's something I need to do, just like I brush my teeth. It's just like, I love it.

That doesn't mean that I always love it but I love it enough. Like as I record this, I'm waiting for high tide and I'm also wondering if the rain will stop and I'll have a sea dip. But I know enough that, year round, being in the sea, it helps me reset. A mini meditation.

It helps me reset. In 2013, I had an MRI for aura migraines and I passed no heed for many years because the only abnormality they felt, first of all, I was like, they found a brain but they found an abnormality, which when I Googled it, it correlated with ADHD. And back then we weren't as addicted to our devices as we are now.

We hadn't rewired like so many people, even without ADHD or without trauma histories. As a society, we've been rewiring our brains for inattention. So I would be doing in my morning meditation, mindfulness of the breath, some Metta. I include all my clients past, present and future supervisees, groups I'm working with and groups I'm worried about, like different parts of the world, local, wherever it might be. I'll often do some image work and then I'll move into a moving meditation with some yoga. I will also, because I'm so used to it now, when I'm stressed during the day, I will regularly be moving into that calming breaths, those calming, like just grounding myself, centring myself and helping me navigate life and all of its lifing. Life-be-lifing.

The other day, the other week, I was at a conference in Cork and I came up against a really scary hill start and I needed to get out the car and my partner took over for me. He used to do this loads when he was teaching me how to drive, but I've had my licence now since September last year, I think it is. I'm recording this end of April and I've become a much, much better driver. Regularly driving halfway across the country alone and I do like at night, I do all sorts, but this particular hill, it set me back.

I did my calming breaths and I got into a resourceful state. When I got back home to Westport, I started taking myself for little hill finding missions and I came to the conclusion that Westport was really flat. It is not.

It just wasn't that awful hill in Cork which came out onto traffic lights and it was just like traffic behind me, but I realised how much better I've got by practising, but I realised also I was calming the breaths, I was calming the whole body.

We know through Polyvagal Theory, 80% of the signals go up through the vagus nerve, up from the body to the brain, which then sends all those signals of calm, of peace or confidence or ease or whatever condition, whatever feeling you want to cultivate by working with your body, by working with your breath, you can send that shortcut signal to the brain and it's incredible.

Every lunchtime, I do a longer yoga nidra, that really helps. I've got several that you can experiment with and there are bespoke ones in the Sole to Soul Circle, but they're guided relaxations that also help harness the power of the unconscious mind to help you move towards goals and dreams otherwise known as sankalpas that you're working towards.

Every week I do a 12 hour silence, which is both delicious and it continues to sometimes be excruciating. With the yoga nidras, find recordings that don't stress you out. So if you like my voice, great, listen to them. You might prefer other types of voices. You might prefer music in the background or other sounds. Me personally, I like voice only. Mine are all trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD friendly.

But with the 12 hour silence, it's really interesting in terms of the years I was doing a 24 hour silence around every Christmas and I continue to do that. But every year, I'd start out, I'd be stressed. I'd be like, I need my phone. I need to talk to whoever. I need to message whatever I need to do, do, do, do. I let myself journal.

I let myself write all my Brain in a Box thoughts (see the Lisa Woodruff episode for more), jotting them down, emptying my brain onto index cards. But very quickly my mind settles. I feel more attuned to whatever I'm doing.

No TV, no washing machine. I'll let myself boil the kettle. I'll let myself brush my teeth. I've got an electric toothbrush. I'll try and be telepathic with the cats rather than talking to them out loud. I've let all my loved ones know that I'm not available for that 24 hours.

But this year, I realised that every year for over a decade, I've been promising myself at another bank holiday, I'm going to do that. And I realised I've not done it. So I thought, how can I make it more manageable for myself? And I thought by doing a weekly 12 hour one.

It tends to be on a Friday night. Once I've kind of had my goodnight conversation with my partner, I will turn my phone off and it will stay off for 12 hours. Then on the Saturday morning, I do my yoga without being able to take any photos of how adorable the cats are being or potentially the donkeys.

I might bake in silence or clean in silence. Normally I listen to podcasts or audio books or music. And it's such a gorgeous start to the weekend. I don't know how to describe it. But when I frame it as a treat for myself, as an indulgence, it's brilliant. And when I treat it like punishment, like I don't know about you, but I used to get told off a lot for talking in class, again, ADHD, for distracting other people.

And of course I distract myself. So it's figuring out what length of time would work for you. And when I'm talking about 12 hour silence, that's not all meditative, but it does help me get quieter.It does help me. My yoga on those mornings goes deeper. My meditation goes deeper.

Yes, I still get distracted wanting to take photos of whatever it is I'm seeing, or wanting to send messages to myself to remind me to do things or make notes or whatever it might be. And having an even bigger stack of index cards than I normally have access to, because when I'm in those 12 hour periods or those 24 hour periods, more ideas come....

Self-care ideas for European Mental Health Awareness Week

Tue, 13 May 2025 07:00:00 +0100

How are YOU feeling this European Mental Health Awareness Week?

What one thing might help you feel even a little bit better?

There are lots of self-care ideas in this week's podcast.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch here

le grá,

Evei

Full transcript

Everything I do, I’m a mental health professional, I attend to my own mental health on a daily basis…

Hi, you're listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and I'm here to help you create a life you don't need to retreat from by taking better care of yourself.

And your Self with that uppercase S: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. I'm sharing trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly self-care ideas each Tuesday.

For deeper dives into each theme, including additional content from my guests, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle.

Some tech issues meant I almost didn’t get an episode out this week but I hope you find this sign post episode, where I flag previous episodes that might be most helpful (while, being a mental health professional and someone who prioritises my own, ALL are relevant) is helpful.

Episode 44 some of my own mental health journey.

Episode 2 with Rebecca Seal, best-selling author of Be Bad, Better. So comforting re the systems that create unrealistic stress and expectations.

Episode 3 with Caroline Shola Arewa, Opening to Spirit author on the importance of rest.

Episode 13 with researcher, CBT psychotherapist and yoga therapist Veena Ugargol talking compassion.

Episode 14 with former Psychologies Editor, The Big Leap author and Heart Leap Facilitator Suzy Walker talks about big leaps helping her survive her toughest times.

Episode 15 with Gill Fennings on self-care for our mental and emotional health being even more essential as therapists and supervisors.

Episode 16 with Dr Dina Glouberman on The Joy of Burnout and using our imaginations for good.

Episode 21 with Leonie Dawson not only befriending but utterly adoring her whole self (while honouring her sensitive nervous system and building a multimillion creative, heart led business)

Episode 22 with ND therapist and supervisor Chris Oxborrow recognising not only what you need but knowing that you deserve it. Ooof.

Episode 25 with Louise Lucas (formerly Brown) on spiky profiles, accepting her right to HAVE needs and honouring her neurodivergence.

Episodes 27 and more with psychotherapist and my Vice-Chair on IACP's Editorial Committee, Jayne Leonard. On cooking as self-care, celebrating our neurodivergent (50), sending love to our ADHD brains (45) and coming soon, supporting gut health and mental health (60)

Episode 31 with Jane Travis on setting time boundaries ourselves and the importance of pleasure for our mental health.

Episode 36 dealing with global shock and my reflections on self-care for despair.

Episode 39 on working with the nervous system to counter the endless stress by activating the Relaxation Response

Episode 40 on setting intentions around what you WANT.

Episode 41 with Lisa Woodruff on how externalising our thoughts and organising them can (it's working for me!) reduce overwhelm and support better mental health.

Episode 47 on creating your own Dopamenu to work with your ADHD brain.

Episode 48 on Cattitude and polyvagal informed approaches for trauma recovery and VAST/ ADHD.

Episode 49 on the importance of sleep for good mental health (and 33 ways to sleep better)

Episode 53 on VAST / ADHD terms that could change your life. Some are transforming mine as I am up the self- compassion.

Episode 56 on loving your inner Smelly Cat and 57 with Margaret O’Connor on the ways in which this pro natal society others women without children.

I hope you enjoy them and that you'll prioritise your own mental health this week.

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. For deeper dives into each episode and theme and bonus interviews with my guests, as well as access to the complete archive, which includes the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey, you can join the Sole to Soul Circle. And you might also enjoy the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

You can find out more about all my resources, free, paid for, whatever suits you, at selfcarecoaching.net and evemc.substack.com. And of course, I'd love, if you haven't already, for you to subscribe, rate, comment, review, send me an email via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com, or simply at eve@selfcarecoaching.net.

Have a gorgeous week, and I look forward to sharing more next time.

Margaret O'Connor on trusting yourself: Episode 57 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 06 May 2025 07:00:00 +0100

‘OK, well I'm not going to have children so what do I do with my life? What does life look like? How do I prove myself? How do I validate my existence?’

I so adored talking to Margaret O’Connor and hope you enjoy Episode 57 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast where she explores her journey with self-care and becoming an advocate for the child-free.

And for this week’s deeper dive for the Sole to Soul Circle, I’m delighted to be sharing more with Margaret O’Connor around discerning our energy levels, the impacts different people have on them and some reminders that you get to choose how you respond to the different demands on your time and attention.

Full transcript

What do I do? Like, what is important or who will support me? You know, and there's the fear because you're repeatedly told that you will die alone and you'll regret it and it's the worst thing you'll ever do. So that you, given that you live in a pro natal society, of course, there's a chance you'll have internalised some of those beliefs and it can be really hard to navigate that.

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Every Tuesday I release new episodes to help you feel better every day. They're trauma-informed and VAST/ADHD friendly, Self with an uppercase S and lowercase s self-care designed ideas to support you in connecting with and taking care of your Self: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself. To create a life you don't need to retreat from.

I hope you enjoyed this new episode and if you haven't already listened, older episodes at thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or at selfcarecoaching.net or through whatever platform you prefer.

You can also access lots of free resources to find out more about how we might work together at selfcarecoaching.net and through the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and for deeper dives into each podcast episode, there's a bonus interview with my guests where I have guests or into the theme, as well as access to the complete archive, including the entire Love Your Whole Self chakra journey and you can access all of that by joining the Sole to Soul Circle.

That's S-O-L-E for the sole of your feet. It's a fully embodied approach and soul S-O-U-L, it's a transpersonal approach. It's very holistic and you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net and evemc.substack.com. So thanks again for listening and I hope you enjoy today's episode.

Welcome to episode 57 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm delighted to be joined by Margaret O'Connor, who I only met recently at the IACP (Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) conference the other week. She was one of the guest speakers and it was a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, so gorgeous presentation on the expectations around motherhood and not motherhood.

The permission to be mediocre and child-free was permission I didn't know I needed to hear but it was like, of course. There's so much and I'd love for you to say a little bit about what you're working on about your work, how you got into it and the pro natal society and if I'm asking too many questions all at once!

I'll keep talking so interrupt me if I go too far. Thank you so much for having me, it's lovely to be here and speak with you.

I am a counsellor and psychotherapist. I am based in Limerick in Ireland. I work in private practice and some kind of general counselling and then specifically with a service called Are Kids For Me which is aimed at people who are not sure if they want to have children or not. Or people who have decided not to have children and are kind of navigating that decision. So it is niche which is fine. As well I work with a counselling college so I'm involved in training with people who are training to become counsellors and psychotherapists.

I suppose my own reason for getting into that specific kind of work is because I am child-free by choice. I suppose just to distinguish a little bit you know that's a positive choice that's something that I have wanted to make and obviously that's very different from someone who is not able to have children and that's not their choice. I just want to distinguish that.

But yeah and I suppose you know for me it even feels a bit strange to call it a decision because it's just something I've simply never wanted to do. I have never had that urge or when I was looking at my life or making decisions about what I was going to do it's never something that appealed to me or that I saw in my future.

As I talked about a little bit at the conference I suppose it did move between being an abstract choice around something that may or may not happen you know far off in the future.

And then it became a very tangible choice of like, ‘Oh OK. You know do I actually mean this? You know do I’ll follow through on this?’ when I was about 29. Yeah, I just said didn't really foresee anything changing and as I said I'm 42 and nothing has changed you know my view on that has stayed the same.

So kind of adapting to life of thinking, OK, well I'm not going to have children so what do I do with my life? What does life look like? How do I prove myself? How do I validate my existence? What do I do with all my free time and money? You know, all that stuff.

But it was it was hard navigating that and I suppose that's why. I was in my therapy training at the time. Anyways, I would have been involved in therapy and as I said didn't find it the most supportive place at the time. That really encouraged me to offer you know the specific service to people because I think it's really important. If we skip on to the pro natalism word which is really important.

Pro natalism is the belief that birth is good. It's pro-birth. Which, as I'm always very quick to say, is fine. I'm not saying I'm anti-birth. The problem is we need people and we have more than enough people.

We're not into killing anyone!

But the impact I guess of pro natalism, if you're living in a pro natalist society, which we all do, basically this is what happens.

If a you can't have children or you don't want to have children because really it's such a pervasive. The impact of it is so pervasive. We see it in the majority of religions. Based around the idea that it is good to reproduce and have children.

Government policies, economic policies are around you know family friendly. And that family, I'm air quoting here, family being parents. And you know so when everything is designed with the assumption that a) you want to b) you will c) you can have children what happens when you don't or you can't come under that?

That's why it's hard to navigate that decision if you're unsure. It can be why it's hard to commit to that decision even if you're quite sure because there is this this real divide I suppose or split I'd almost say.

You know, we have so many representations of what parenthood looks like. This is what family, again family with children, looks like. You know there are pathways to follow. There's so little representation and so little positive representation of what life looks like if you're not doing that that it can feel like a void. It can feel like, ‘Well, what do I do like? What is important or who will support me?’ You know and there's the fear because you're repeatedly told that you will die alone and you'll regret it and it's the worst thing ever.

Given that you live in a pro natal society, of course there's a chance you'll have internalised some of those beliefs. And it can be really hard to navigate that. I've gone off now on a mad tangent. I suppose it's just right to put that in put that in context is that it's very, very pervasive and it can be really challenging in lots of way for people. And it can evoke a lot of anxiety or a lot of uncertainty for people.

I do believe, you know, very passionately that it's important to be aware of this. To provide supportive objective spaces where people can address their concerns. As I said there's lots of people who want to have children who are also anxious about it because it's huge. And lots of unforeseen aspects can be part of it. So allowing people to address those concerns, to address their ambivalence if they're unsure or they feel like they're changing their mind, and indeed for people who do not want to choose that.

And we know from statistics like there are more people choosing not to have children. There's a large portion of the society, you know it's around one in four, one in five women now in in Europe and America who won't have children for a combination of choice and not. When you think about that, one in four or one in five people, that's a lot.

Absolutely.

That's not even counting the men who don't get counted, well who never get asked.

Absolutely.

Yeah, so there's a lot of people and, at the moment, they're not being seen. They're literally not being counted and they're not being represented. And that can be so isolating and so stigmatising. So yeah, I'm passionate about it. I'm raising awareness around it and about.

You know, hopefully trying to provide some support for people in that situation. Which is wonderful. I mean I'm postmenopausal now and I remember I did my work experience when I was about 13 I think at a preschool. And I flip-flopped between, ‘I love kids!’ and ‘I'm never having kids!’, ‘I love kids!’ ‘I'm never…’ and because I didn't know the word pro natalism until your session, but because of the pressure, but then… I'm postmenopausal but I had endometriosis. Diagnosed in my 20s so that kind of awareness but your talk was so healing for me.

Just thinking, like I kept waiting for, ‘Is there going to be some day where I'm in floods of tears that I never…?’ and it's all this kind of pressure. My partner has six children but it's a really interesting. Like when you think about the culture and especially Irish Catholic and so many religions where there is that pressure. But I'd love to know how it impacts your self-care and your uppercase Self care and could you tell me a bit about your ideal and actual self-care? Like in the morning? Later on? In the evening?

OK. Getting into the nitty-gritty. Just to reference this, it was like that quote, you know about the right to be mediocre. I must cite my source. So that's from a book by Caroline Magennis it's called Harpy [A Manifesto for Childfree Women] and it came out last year an amazing book. Really, really recommend it. She's an Irish author who wrote about this topic and it's about specifically women who are childfree and she talks a lot about self-care.

I think yeah that I mean there's so much in that sentence actually. Talk about the expectation that's so unspoken. And yes, it weighs so heavy because when you hear something like that, it's like, ‘Oh my goodness! How much does that drive people?’

I do think we're moving away from that. Within the child-free community there's much more acceptance of or even, you know, trying to help people understand like there doesn't have to be this huge reason why you don't want children. Or there doesn't have to be a huge traumatic reason. Because most people think like what is wrong with you that you don't want this? But there are just people who don't want to have kids. That it. Full stop.

Because it's just something you don't want at all or you don't want enough.

Gorgeous. I'm sorry to interrupt but I remember you saying something like you'd never go up to a family and say, ‘What made you have two?’ or like ‘Why did you have the second?’ It's just so rude and intrusive!

Yes! Yes, it's perceived that way and yet I'm sure anyone listening, if you're in that situation, if you say you don't want children, you are asked why. People want a reason and an explanation to justify yourself. Like for some reason that's okay. So first of all, that’s OK. There doesn't have to be this like huge reason. And also, that you are you're not making up for anything. You know it's often seen as like other achievements are like a consolation or a justification. You know, OK, I didn't have children but you know I've done this amazing thing or that amazing thing or whatever it is. That I think there's definitely an effort to try and move away from that but it's really hard.

And I suppose to me that connects like the biggest thing I would see in my client work and in training. It's really interesting as well like we know. And I always I love this. Like, as therapists, it's our job to look after ourselves. It's written in our code of ethics: You are professionally negligent if you aren’t. Like I'm like this is amazing, amazing job like you have to do this and you know I was talking about that with students or whatever but like the blocks. Like how hard it is. And the beliefs that get in the way. I just think this is such a huge or can be such a huge block to people. Like because you don't have children for whatever reason you still deserve self-care. You know, I mean, it sounds such a stupid thing to say we also still need to say it.

You know it's not that well. Because this is the thing that that kind of seeps in. It's like, ‘Oh well, I'm not tired enough’ or ‘I'm not, you know, I haven't…’

Well I don't feel like I have more time anyway but that's what I'm thinking. I can only imagine how people with kids manage because I'm perpetually exhausted and not knowing how I navigate just me!

Same. Like I don't genuine, my God, so much respect! But you know that it's OK that you still deserve, you don't have to justify through this busyness or what you're doing. That self-care is still necessary. But it can be much easier to say than to do. So I would recommend um Caroline's book to unpack that a little bit.

My own self-care, OK.

Well ideal: if you had all the time and energy and money and everything in the world what would you like to do?

What I would like to do? That is a big question. I think live somewhere sunny! The first one which is probably achievable but there hasn't been at the moment. You know, to me, I was thinking about this a little bit today. To me it's actually, they're they are small things to me. Having a day where I don't have to set an alarm or where I'm not like tied to a schedule. Because you know when you work as a therapist you're very time bound.

Yeah, that's a real luxury. It's such a just a pressure off to kind of go, ‘I can get up whenever’ and you know it's not that I'll be in bed all day. And actually to get up and like stay in my pyjamas. I know that sounds so basic but to not have to, ‘Oh my God, I have to have a shower and have to get ready and have to be here.’ Just that luxury of not having to do anything is just divine.

I love that. I kind of hate myself almost for saying this but movement and exercise have become a really important.

We’re mammals! We need to move.

And I never I was and I am not a sporty person and never was but in the last three four years it has become something I actually really value. So I do I try to go for a walk most days. I do like exercise and like weight lifting. One of those who’s gotten into that. And I love it. I like the feeling of it and it's around feeling strong.

It's around like realising what my body is capable of and seeing that progress and it's very hard to think when you're lifting heavy things so it's fantastic. Really shuts the brain off. That's become actually a really important part. I've gone back or try to get back into swimming, something I did as a child but was never very comfortable with.

I'm doing some lessons on that and trying to do that weekly because again it's very hard to think about anything else when you're swimming. It's so immersive. Then yeah I suppose I do and I struggle with this a little bit is because I am quite an introverted person so I really have to manage my social interactions.

Sometimes, there are days I'm just like I can't. Can't. You know. I need quiet and need to recharge. But then of course there's other times where it's great to meet people and be social. I sometimes find it a bit difficult just to manage if there's a busy time, there's a nice things on and like they're lovely to go to in theory but, ideally, I can't do more than one social occasion in a weekend. Which sounds really weird but yeah, there's a there's a fine line for me around that.

What else? I'm very, I don't know what the word is, but like anything with heat. Like, wrap me in a blanket. Put me in a sauna. Anything where I just kind of get to like wrap up cosy and be warm. It's just amazing. So again living in Ireland does you know give you lots of opportunities to need to do that.

Podcasts I've gotten into. I love reading and I had to kind of re-jig that a little bit because I was I was reading a lot for work and they weren't relaxing. So I kind of had to shove that to one side and get back into fiction which I'm really pleased about. And then it said podcast and then I'd have different like I'll have like work-related ones but I'll also just have very silly ones or not very taxing ones. And that's actually something I find quite important . Like things that are relaxing to my brain so whether they're like shows I've watched before or things that don't require like much intellectual effort to piece those in as well. Like it's OK to have that downtime and again give yourself permission. Like it's OK. Like some ways that's just relaxing or fun. That's just silly. Yeah, I think it's very important so it's a little bit of a mix and match I would say.

So what would be the essential if you could only do some of that?

Well again now, I'm a very basic person as well. So in terms of sleep and food, I have such a narrow window on both things. Sleep and food are essential regularly and you know it's sufficient. I think actually at this point it's probably the movement.

I was saying to you you know I was a bit sick there last week and I'm out of routine I. I notice it now like I've if there's a week where I'm not literally like not getting outside because I work from home or I'm not kind of just getting enough of that I definitely notice it so that's interesting like that was not a thing for me 10 years ago uh or even five so that's new. And that downtime. I need that half a day or a day ideally where I can kind of potter around and do my little jobs whatever they are, around the house.

Just to not feel under pressure that I have to be somewhere doing something but that's really important.

Yeah. That's wonderful. And if you could go back in time to your Inner Child at any age or Younger You any adult age, what love, compassion, wisdom anything else would you like to share with her?

Do you know I think it is actually around the introvert thing. It took it was until I did my counselling training that I really realised what that was. And it was okay. It wasn't just like a personality defect and that really was like game changer. Like, ‘Oh, this is just how some people function’ you know. But it's okay. So that was so important. And yeah, as I said I was in my mid-20s when I figured that out so if I'd known that earlier that was probably would have been helpful.

And just to be more compassionate around that and also maybe that piece where I would like have a bit more fun. You know we can all be very serious sometimes. So you have to watch the cat video or you know whatever works for you and that works for me.

And you know that's OK too!

Absolutely. Well thank you so much! And we'll be sharing a bonus video with you for the Sole to Soul Circle but can you tell people where they can find you online? Both your...

Love your inner Smelly Cat this Bealtaine and beyond

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Bealtaine is a festival of fertility, love and lust and this year, we're braving the parts of ourselves we find hardest to love...

Full transcript

Thinking again about who you love but this time bringing it more to yourself and thinking about all the different parts of yourself and the parts of yourself you find it easier to love and harder to love.

What parts do you appreciate about yourself and what parts do you find more challenging if love feels too strong? And I want you, if you're familiar with Friends, to remember Phoebe's famous song about that poor smelly, smelly cat. Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault. They won't take you to the vet, you're probably not their favourite pet. Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.

Welcome to episode 56 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Thanks for joining me. I'm your host and producer Eve Menezes Cunningham and this week we're celebrating the Irish Celtic Festival of Bealtaine, also known as Beltane. It's a festival, part of the Celtic Wheel of the Year, of fertility, love and lust.

And for the purposes of this week's podcast and the Sole to Soul Circle membership, we're focusing on love.

The love we have for ourselves and for others can, of course, be really challenging with trauma histories and with ADHD and with rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD). It can be really challenging to feel love and really easy to feel rejection.

The more we can have that awareness around our styles of interpreting the world, the stories we're telling ourselves about what actions mean and being able to love ourselves enough to speak up for ourselves and love our loved ones enough to speak with as much love as possible but expressing our needs and wants.

It can all be really fraught and tense and also so joyful and it's such a lovely time of year with the lambs and the leaves and the flowers and the growth in all directions, that sense of thinking about what you love and the way your love life is, whether you're single, whether you're attached, how you would like it to be, thinking about your ideal love relationships, your ideal in terms of how much time you would be able to spend with your loved ones, thinking about what you already value in terms of your love life and others in your life you love and who love you.

And also using it as an opportunity to do a bit of a love audit and think about where things might be missing, where you can amp up that self-love.

Inner child work is always really powerful, really needed because the more we attend to those wounded parts of ourselves, the less likely we are to project them outwards, the more able we are to hold ourselves and therefore to communicate in a more loving, compassionate way. So lots to be thinking about.

I hope you've got a diary or pen and paper ready so you can pause things, make notes, maybe pause the episode, come back to it.

Starting by thinking about all the things and all the people we love. Maybe pause here and just make a note of all the things you love, things you love to do, things like inanimate things, other things, parts of the world like places, people, animals, whatever springs to mind when you think about what do you love, just let yourself make a list of all the things you love.

We're going to come back to it later and I'm going to remind you again that like all the episodes, this offering is to help you gently explore ways in which you can amp up the love for yourself and for your higher case S Self and for others.

Thinking again about who you love, but this time bringing it more to yourself and thinking about all the different parts of yourself and the parts of yourself you find it easier to love and harder to love.

What parts do you appreciate about yourself and what parts do you find more challenging if love feels too strong? And I want you, if you're familiar with Friends, to remember Phoebe's famous song about that poor smelly, smelly cat. Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault. They won't take you to the vet, you're probably not their favourite pet. Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault.

I do a lot of work around Cattitude and Feline Better Every Day and working with polyvagal informed approaches to trauma recovery and VAST / ADHD and recently was talking to someone about doing some CPD for them. And I pitched Smelly Cat! Because the more we love those smelly parts of ourselves, the parts we feel are completely unlovable, mangy, maybe flea-ridden…

All those parts need our love. If that cat were taken to the vet, given a good clean, given an enormous, maybe at a distance – It might be feral – hug. But time and patience and understanding and the commitment to getting to know those smelly, smelly, smelly cats, that cat could become a beautiful magnificat, a wondrous creature. Like most cats in terms of knowing how worthy it is of love and adoration and freedom and safety and all the things all us mammals are worthy of.

When you think of your own inner Smelly Cat or when you think of the Smelly Cats in your life, the people you struggle to love, but most likely the parts of yourself that you struggle with that you just want to kind of ignore and pretend they're not there, potentially worse, you might hurt yourself, you might.

But if you were to imagine the potential for healing with those smelly parts of yourself, those Smelly Cat parts of yourself…

And that brings us then to the kind of love that therapists have for our clients. I never know if I'm pronouncing it right rightly or wrongly, agape or agape, but it's that kind of essence of love and in person-centred counselling, it's known as unconditional positive regard.

You're not, obviously, going to breach any boundaries, but there is that love for your clients in terms of what they're bringing, for your supervisees in terms of what they're bringing. And that in psychosynthesis we have the archetypes of Love and the Will.

Will is really important in terms of making changes, sustaining changes, and there are different types of will. There's the ‘transpersonal will’, the ‘good will’, thinking of the greater good, and there's ‘skillful will’ where we adapt our approaches accordingly, and there's ‘strong will’ where we just kind of plough through, get things done.

But Love is just as strong, just as important as Will. It is more to do with acceptance, with support, and thinking for yourself, like how can you show those Smelly Cat parts of yourself more love?

How can you hold them when you think about the people in your life that you've identified, the ones who are easy to love, the ones that are more challenging to love, if you were to imagine having more patience with them, more understanding for them, more giving yourself and others more grace?

That's what it's all about. And knowing that you and everyone else is worthy of that, and not trying to expect yourself to be like some sort of saint where you only feel love and light, we're humans, we annoy each other.

It's completely normal and natural, but by recognising what is getting churned up, what's getting stirred up, what's coming up for healing, and by attending to it, we can then really use our relationships with the parts of ourselves as well as with others, both loved ones and the people we find more challenging, to help us grow, to help us evolve, to help us develop.

Thinking in terms of the Love archetype, and maybe whether you, and again you might want to make some notes in your journal, your piece of paper, you might want to think maybe the Will archetype is stronger in you? Maybe you're really great at getting things done, at go, go, go, at like figuring out how to make the impossible possible, and maybe it's very much like giving into that ‘good will’? Thinking for the highest good for all concerned, and maybe even surrendering to ‘transpersonal will’?

But we still need that Love energy. Thinking for yourself, with yourself, with a Smelly Cat part of yourself, and maybe more than one part is coming up for healing now, and maybe if you have children, or you have other like kind of young people in your life, or anyone in your life, thinking about how can you be more accepting of those parts of yourself, and of others, without trying to change anything.

I'm laughing now, because this is my work, this is, this has been my work for a really long time now, and I had a little bit of a meltdown at the weekend, at time of filming, where we were on our way back, driving from Cork to Westport. And I am highly allergic to peppers, anaphylaxis, and I am vegan, so no animal products, and we'd stopped at a service station with, I don't know, five, six concession stands.

And I could not get anything that was edible, let alone anything that I wanted to eat, and all I needed to see were the ingredients, like were there peppers? Bell peppers, okay, I can't have that. Instead, people kept pointing me to allergen lists, and bell peppers aren't one of the big 14, so they're not on their lists.

I felt like the smelliest Smelly Cat in the universe, and I'm 49 years old. I've been doing this work on myself for so long, but I felt so vulnerable. I felt like I'd never be able to eat again. I was hungry, I kept it together, but later on that evening, when I got home, I got really upset about it.

And I realised I really needed to attend to that kind of baby toddler part of myself that had felt too much for the adults around me. Not all the time, but at times, I think that had got very churned up. I was able to talk to my partner about it, I can talk to friends about it, but it's still with the allergy, with the being vegan, it's something that gets triggered in me when I go out to eat. Even when I've given the information in advance, and they've assured me it won't be a problem, and then it's like, oh, it's got cream in it, or oh, it's got butter in it, or oh, all these things that aren't vegan. Or worse, peppers. And so I had to really work hard to love that part of myself that didn't cause a scene, but wasn't as gracious as I normally like to be.

I normally like to be, thank you so much, that's amazing, whereas it was just like, ‘OK, can I please have the base of a pizza with some tomato sauce then?’, ‘Would you like cheese with that?’ ‘No thank you, cheese is not vegan.’

They didn't have vegan cheese, and it just felt like with all, and I think Marianne Williamson talks about everything being a call for love, when we think about bad behaviour, when we think about the times we act out, or others act out, and if we're able to see what's behind it, it's just that:

Am I lovable? Am I too much? Am I enough? Am I…?

It's really easy to love, and to help others heal, and to help ourselves heal, but we have to not only start with ourselves, but to help others when they can't do it for themselves, it's not that old, ‘Oh you can't love others, or you can't let love in until you love yourself,’ because that way, so many people would never love.

We do love and heal in connection. We co-regulate. But it is all connected, and when you notice yourself feeling cranky, when you notice yourself feeling frustrated, when you notice yourself not being at your best, if again you were to attach that Smelly Cat love, and know underneath the smelliest of cats is the most adorable divine feline.

You have that within yourself as well. How can you attend to those smelly parts? How can you, I'll get off the Smelly Cat analogy at some point, but not today. How can you just know that you are worthy? How can you know, how can you believe in every fibre of your being, that you are deserving? And that you deserve good food? That you deserve care in other areas of your life, in other types of work? In other places you visit?

All sorts of things, like there are so many people who, especially now, in so many things in 2025, where you'd think we had gone past all the hate, all the maligning of already marginalised communities, and just show them the love that they and everyone else deserve.

Thinking for yourself, this Bealtaine and beyond, how can you show yourself more love? How can you show others more love? How can you accept more love? How can you know, even when you feel at your smelliest, that you are worthy and deserving of others’ love?

And it might be that you let them attend to your smelly parts, and that you begin to think, oh, OK, if you haven't already watched Penelope, and if it's still on Netflix when you’re watching or listening to this, please watch it.

It was one of my favourite films for decades, and I re-watched it recently, and it definitely stands up. Again, the key is self-love. I don't want to give much more away but let me know how you get on, I love hearing from you.

And for Sole to Soul Circle members, your deeper dive bonus content this week will be a simple ritual you can do to heal your hurting heart, both over Bealtaine and throughout the coming year.

It's really a symbolic healing, and it's really powerful, and I'm looking forward to sharing it with you.

And this episode, like all episodes so far, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. Thank you very much for listening, I love sharing these with you, I love hearing from you, and you can, if you haven't already, rate, review, subscribe, share, comment, like, if you think of anyone who would benefit from this content, please send them a link, or tell them where they can find it on Spotify, Apple, everywhere else, Substack, and YouTube.

And I just really want to know what is that smelliest, smelliest, Smelly Cat part of yourself? You can email me, eve at selfcarecoaching.net, or you can comment on any of the platforms that I'm sharing this on. If you were to think what does that Inner Smelly Cat need? Just keep asking yourself, what does that Smelly Cat need? It might need a bit of a bath, it might need some fresh air, it might need some sunshine, it might need some time in the company of other cats, it might need sleep, I mean, my goodness, sleep always makes me better company, it might need food, but knowing that you and everyone else are worthy of love, and I hope that with this time of year, having such wonderful, loving energy, that you can afford that to yourself and others in your life.

With that, am sending enormous love to you and yours, and I look forward to sharing more next week!

EFT Tap Along for Stress Awareness Month

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Would you like to add to your self-care toolkit by managing life's stresses with more compassion for yourself and others? This new episode is for you.

Full transcript

We can internalise shame about not handling the situation with more grace, and even when it is extreme pressure. Stress can be a good thing. Think about a coal turning into a diamond, or think about a toddler, no one is yelling at that toddler, ‘Toddle! Walk!’ There's that inherent drive within all of us that we want to grow, we want to evolve, we want to learn, we want to develop. And when we're under a good stress, that eustress, that is what's happening, but where it's more distress, as in not de-stressing, but di-stress, it can be really damaging for not just the nervous system, but inflammation conditions and immunity.

Welcome to episode 55 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I'm your host and producer, Eve Menezes Cunningham, and every Tuesday there's a new episode to help with trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly Self and self-care ideas to help you connect with that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, and miraculous part of yourself, and to create a life you don't need to retreat from.

This week we're looking at Stress Awareness Month. As I was reflecting on stress awareness (if you would like to, you can access loads of free resources at selfcarecoaching.net/home/ stress, and they'll support you with stress, helping you understand more about it. There's also a lot in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and of course other podcast episodes), I realised that while it's one of my areas of expertise for over two decades, it's especially important for sensitive nervous systems when we're dealing with VAST, also known as ADHD, and trauma recovery.

And there's room for improvement in my own life, even now, and there's, I think we just live in stressful times, it's a completely normal thing.

I realised a few days ago… I'm a BACP media spokesperson, and they'd asked me to contribute some self-care advice for young people navigating stress at work, and as I was writing my answers, advising young people, I was thinking, ‘49 Year Old Me is benefiting from this advice, too!’ Because one of the work projects I'm involved with has been very stressful for a very long time.

As always, I am and remain my first client, and when I realised I was talking to myself as well, it's like, ‘Of course!’ And it makes sense when I think about the ADHD, when I think about the trauma history, when I think about being an immigrant myself, when I think about being the daughter of immigrants, being the granddaughter of immigrants: We can know in our bones that something is too much pressure for someone, anyone else, but somehow when it's us, we can internalise shame about not handling the situation with more grace, and even when it is extreme pressure.

Stress can be a good thing. Think about a coal turning into a diamond, or think about a toddler, no one is yelling at that toddler, ‘Toddle! Walk!’ There's that inherent drive within all of us that we want to grow, we want to evolve, we want to learn, we want to develop. And when we're under a good stress, that eustress, that is what's happening, but where it's more distress, as in not de-stressing, but di-stress, it can be really damaging for not just the nervous system, but inflammation conditions and immunity.

I've got the tail end of a cold, and it's like really funny, because I was thinking to myself, ‘My immunity is great! Because I'm taking really good care of myself!’ And then I came down with this bug. But it is another sign of stress. The body takes too much, and then it goes into needing that time for recovery.

We know from Polyvagal Theory that we're wired to thrive when we feel safe, welcome, and loved. Asking yourself if there’s any situation in your life, or any relationship as it stands, where you don't feel safe, welcome, and loved. And ask yourself what might you do to improve things, or if you might need to exit the situation.

It's also, as I just said, about remembering that stress itself is not bad, there are the different types of stress. We talked a bit about eustress. We talked about distress. With eustress, you think about going to the gym, you think about the muscles actually breaking down before they come back stronger. We grow through working out.

And we sometimes forget that we always have a choice, but when we're in that kind of distress situation, we can feel powerless, we can feel helpless, we can feel burnt out, underappreciated, undervalued, and not good enough.

One thing I'm doing, as part of on an ongoing basis to reduce stress in my life, while also attempting to follow Marie Forleo's advice about simplifying to amplify. I've changed up the membership a bit. So it's still the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, and I've changed the title of my Substack to Feel Better Every Day, more in line with my overall practice, which has been Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham for years, and years, and years, and years.

Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes. Also known as selfcarecoaching.net. But I've complicated things, because I've been working with the lunar phases and the Celtic Wheel of the Year for decades, I thought it would be really simple and easy to have things aligned for the different levels of membership.

But thinking about it, that's been a bit complicated, so I'm simply going to have the podcast remaining Feel Better Every Day, and then free subscribers will get bonus content and special offers, sorry about this cold, I'm talking a bit strangely. And then the Sole to Soul Circle will be the third option which you can upgrade for so it will no longer be a Full Moon or Super Moon membership, it will be just the Sole to Soul Circle.

With that, it's that Sole to Soul Circle, fully embodied from the soles of the feet, transpersonal approach, so it's to the soul, get it, soul, S-O-L-E to soul, S-O-U-L, and it's an approach to trauma-informed and VAST / ADHD-friendly, self and self-care.

This week, the deeper dive content for Sole to Soul Circle members will include a video with some stress-reducing yoga poses and an energy technique that's hilariously simple but really effective. It really amps up that self-empathy and it really grounds and empowers the person.

I’m looking forward to sharing that soon. And, of course, there's access to the exclusive membership benefits area, including the entire Love Your WHOLE Self chakra journey.

We know that yoga is especially good for stress, and Dr Chris Streeter found many, many years ago in a study, that just attending a one-hour class creates GABA, which is a naturally occurring, it's mimicked in drugs like Xanax to help calm the system, but it occurs naturally in the body through yoga. It's one of those things that we know again through working with the vagus nerve, there are so many things we can do with our body, with our breaths, to change our physiology, change the way we feel.

For example, Forward Folds help us come into deeper contact with our bodies in the present moment. We have that stretch reflex at the back of the legs which can help us, especially with ADHD, feel more stimulated in the pose. And there's more to focus the attention on, as well as connecting with the breath, having that deeper breath, that slightly longer exhalation or your Ujjayi breathing, whatever feels best for you.

When we use the Forward Folds with the relaxation response, and you can listen to the podcast episode about that if you'd like, it can be especially helpful.

Lion pose is one of the ones I'll be sharing in the Sole to Soul Circle. It's a great way to roar away any stresses and strains, and it's really about never underestimating the power of even acknowledging your current situation.

Once you've acknowledged it, even to yourself, you can empower yourself to improve it. And that's one of the reasons EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques including tapping) can be especially helpful, because EFT can help us move from sympathetic activation of the autonomic nervous system, the ‘stress response’, to the parasympathetic activation, the ‘rest / digest response’.

We're coming into our body, we're tapping on certain points around the face and upper body, and like yoga, like anything that grounds us, that feels soothing, there are so many things we can do and we forget.

I'm hoping that this episode is going to remind you of things that are already in your toolkit as well. But today, or any time it's helpful for you to revisit this, think about any situation that's stressing you out, and as we do this EFT Tap Along, your words are going to resonate more than mine, so use mine as a guide, but trust yourself and trust your own inner wisdom.

We're working with that stressed part of yourself, and that stressed part of you is really ready to be heard, because it's sick of you ignoring it, it's sick of you taking on more and more as if you're somehow to blame for the circumstances you found yourself in, and if you just somehow hustle harder, work harder, it will all be okay.

It's like, ‘No, you need a break, you need, like the stress symptoms are trying to tell you something, we're not machines, we're not superhuman, really pay attention.’

So start by asking yourself where you would rate your current feeling of stress.

With EFT, (Emotional Freedom Techniques, including tapping) part of the reason they can be so effective is that we can release tension. If you think about a toddler who falls over, gets a hug from its carer, and is happily gurgling and laughing and playing again the next moment, babies are brilliant at moving emotions through the system, through the body, and not getting stuck in it.

But the older we get, we learn to not move as freely as we would like, we're having to sit still at school, or we're having to do all sorts of things that go against our body's innate wisdom. And I'm not saying that that's entirely a terrible thing, because we have to be socialised to a certain degree, but even doing this work over the decades I've been doing it, it goes too far, it goes way too far.

So many people are suffering way more than they need to be suffering, by not doing the little things that can be done each day, or each moment, to ease that stress and enhance that comfort.

The tapping helps to move the energy. It might come out through laughing, it might come out through shaking, it might come out through yawning or farting or burping, or sometimes we get bored as we're tapping away and wander off, it's just the energy has shifted.

To help us recognise that, ‘Actually, yeah, I was feeling really bad about this particular thing, really stressed out, and now I can't even remember what I was worried about, I can't remember what I was thinking’ before we start tapping, it's really helpful to rate your current level of stress.

If you were to think of a scale between minus 10 being terrible, and plus 10 being amazing, and 0 being neutral, ask yourself where you are on that scale right now when you think about this stressful situation.

We're going to start with the side of the hand for the setup statement. We're going to start with, ‘Even though I feel so stressed, I choose to soothe and support myself. Even though I'm feeling so stressed out, I choose to soothe and support myself.’

‘Even though I'm feeling really stressed, I choose to soothe and support myself.’

The tapping points are the inside of the eyebrow, outside of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, under the lip, under the mouth, the thymus, like using the palm of the hand on the thymus and tapping the collarbone. That, just on its own, can be a really comforting thing.

And then under the arm, so if you imagine the side of a bra, whether you're wearing one or not, the top of the head. So you've done that, even though I'm feeling so stressed. And again, with the setup statement, the idea of doing it around whatever it is you're feeling, whether it's an emotional thing you want freedom from or a physical thing.

It used to always be. ‘I deeply and completely love and accept myself’. ‘Even though [whatever it is], I deeply and completely love and accept myself.’

‘Even though [whatever it is] I choose to soothe and support myself’ can be more accessible for a lot of people, because we live in a world where unfortunately many of us have been taught to not love ourselves. And it can take a lot of healing, a lot of work to reconnect with that inherent worthiness, that inherent being lovable.

So we're going to do it again: ‘Even though I'm really stressed, I choose to soothe and support myself. Even though I'm really stressed, I choose to soothe and support myself.

Even though I'm really stressed out, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.’

And if you feel tearful, know that that's completely normal. Just be gentle with yourself.

I hate feeling so stressed out inside of the eyebrow. I hate feeling completely overwhelmed so much of the time outside of the eye. This is not sustainable under the eye.

I can't keep going like this under the nose. I'm scared of what's going to happen if I stop under the mouth. I can't keep going on like this.

Collarbone. I don't know how to get off this treadmill under the arm. It's too much stress.

And then back to the inside of the eyebrow. I feel like I'm somehow not being good enough outside of the eye. Like if I was somehow more efficient and productive, I wouldn't be feeling this stressed.

Under the eye. Like it's me that's the problem. It's me.

I am the problem. It's me. Under the nose.

Even though I know that's not true. Under the mouth. There's that part of me that feels like I'm not good enough.

And the collarbone. And that's stressing me out too. Under the arm.

And I don't know who to ask without giving my power away. I want things to change top of the head. But it feels vulnerable asking for help and support.

So taking a big breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. And noticing for yourself where that number is. It may have got worse as we've tapped on some of the more challenging aspects of how you might be feeling.

Or it may have moved in the other direction. Or it may not have moved at all. But just make a note of your new number.

And feel free to message me to let me know what it was, what it is, what it's going to become. And for the purposes of this tap along, we're going to, I'm going to encourage you to pause the recording and keep tapping on other issues that have come up for you. Trust yourself.

Let yourself make noises. Let yourself swear. Let yourself just get the stress out of your system and tap it away.

We're working with acupressure points. The ends of the meridians. It's amazingly effective.

You can do it through a duvet. You can do it through an enormous winter coat. I often tap mentally while I'm swimming.

It's so much to do with intention. But it's a really powerful tool, which I hope you're already feeling the benefits from. And we're going to then close this with around where we connect with a more positive element.

So again, your words are going to resonate more than mine. But because I'm doing this for people, I don't know your specific situation. Change it where it doesn't resonate for you and use what works in terms of what does.

I am looking forward to letting go of all of this stress. I'm looking forward to feeling calmer, more relaxed. I deserve to feel calm.

I deserve to relax. I deserve rest. I deserve downtime.

I deserve to not feel anxious about rest and downtime. I deserve to have fun. I deserve time to daydream.

I deserve to be forgiven for making mistakes. To not take all the stress onto myself. To recognise that everything is collaborative.

That it's safe to ask for help, even when it feels unnatural. And it's safe to assert myself and set boundaries. I deserve to feel relaxed.

I deserve to assert myself. I deserve to notice what's the information coming back at me. There will be some people who don't like the boundaries I'm setting.

There will be some people who try to shame me for asserting myself. That's still not my problem. That's not my issue.

That's them not liking me putting down the stress that I've been carrying for them. I deserve to release that stress. I deserve to focus on what feels good to focus on.

My time, my money, my energy, my effort. Can I imagine how free I'm going to feel? How much fun I'm going to have? How good I'm going to feel? I like even thinking about letting go of a lot of this stress. And I don't have to overdo it.

I don't have to clear it all in one go. I don't have to change my entire life. I don't have to quit everything.

I don't have to have all the challenging conversations. Just this tapping I'm doing on myself. Just the journaling I'm going to do afterwards.

It's all getting to know what is stressing me out. What do I want to do about it? And what could I do about it even if I don't want to do those things? I deserve to feel wonderful. So another big breath in through your nose, out through the mouth.

So I encourage you to pause this. Make some notes. Let me know how you're getting on.

I hope you found it helpful. I love hearing how you're getting on. And if you think that the changes I've made or I'm making to the Sole to Soul Circle sound less stressful to you, I'd love to hear!

I also hope that you will go to the website selfcarecoaching.net and check out the book, the Circle, the other free resources for stress and other episodes. And you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. And if you haven't already and you would like to, please share, subscribe, rate, review, comment. Let me know what you want more of.

Let me know what you're going to do from this episode to take better care of yourself and create a life you don't need to retreat from.

Have a gorgeous week. And for Sole to Soul Circle members, you'll be getting your yoga poses and that energy technique.

And if you are a subscriber to Feel Better Every Day on Substack, again, you can find out all that information on selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com. You'll be getting some journal prompts as well to help you go a bit deeper. And yeah, recognise that stress like everything else is simply information and it's up to you what you do with it. But I can tell you from experience that when we empower ourselves to speak up for ourselves and make the changes we know we need to make, it's a matter of progress, not perfection.

It gets easier with practice. But I mean, when we're in a stressed state, we're not at our most resourceful.

With all these practices, you do them, it becomes easier, it becomes more a part of your daily life.

But you're still going to get tripped up. We're living in a really, really like interesting times. There's an enormous amount of suffering.

There's an enormous amount of pain. Give yourself a break. Sending enormous love and looking forward to connecting with you again next week.

Colleen Kennedy on nourishing yourself and your Self

Tue, 15 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0100

It was such a joy to interview my own herbal medicine magician for this episode. I cannot overstate how much Colleen has helped me over the years and hope this episode helps you…

Full transcript

Food is there to be enjoyed. We're very blessed to have an abundance of food around us and you know what? Like yeah, a bit more gratitude that we're lucky that we can have whatever we want whenever we want really and that we're being nourished and nurtured and not to be having the negative dialogue around food. There's a lot of negative dialogue around...

Hi I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in.

If you want a deeper dive you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to The Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month and you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Hi Colleen, I'm absolutely delighted to welcome you to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Thank you, I'm delighted to be here, really happy to be chatting to you today.

You're one of the first people I thought of when I had the idea to do it but um I'm so glad I followed up because you hadn't got my email!

I'm so glad you did too because you don't always get emails and sometimes things can go missing so it's a good lesson for me actually as well to touch back with somebody if they haven't you know responded to something that you're keen on so yeah so good on you.

And also you've been such an enormous support, you are part of my self-care basically, you and Yvonne with the acupuncture. I don't know what I'd do without you both and so I'm delighted on a personal level that more people will get to hear what you do.

So I started working with you three or four years ago where?

It was, it was about four years ago now I think and yeah it was great. You were coming in very eager to learn and I think I remember your excitement of learning some concepts around your blood sugar balance and how you could control and manage your energy levels, your lifestyle and overall your outlook and brain fog you were coming in with as well.

A lot of what a naturopath does is teaching and educating and trying not to be too preachy because nobody's perfect as we'll discuss today but I think it's a, it really allows for a compliancy when you understand why you're taking something or why I'm advising you to do something.

I think in my experience over the years in practice and even as a lecturer as well you have to, you have to give a bit of the ‘why’ and then people because ultimately what this medicine is all about is empowering you to take the reins in your own health care.

It's very much an empowerment medicine and you know so that comes with a little bit of that education as well.

And I remember how you were telling me to imagine the plant magic, the plant medicine working its magic moving through me and how because I've been sober since 2001 I could like feel it in my elbow and my knee. And I was talking to a herbal medicine friend in the UK and I was like it's amazing she said to imagine this… and she was like, ‘Evei, that's the alcohol’ so kind of feeling that but just I really appreciated your yeah and your I didn't feel judged.

My work is all about self-care and I was confessing to you about like my crisps for dinner every night and all the rest of it and you're like that's contributing as well as perimenopause and I didn't know but ADHD with brain fog.

And yeah well this is it for such complex creatures. I think you know what it’s like. It's very interesting today and I see this a lot with the students as well and people being ashamed of their of their food choices and shame should never be around food. My God, like I mean that's what's got this problem today where the weight loss industry is how many billions of dollars worth you know to the economy? And you know we're set up for failure and we're not listening to our own body cues and it has to come from acceptance as well if it's going to be lasting.

And the other side of that coin is as well sometimes I feel like we need to pull ourselves out and have a look at the greater picture in the world and, my God, like food is there to be enjoyed. We're very blessed to have an abundance of food around us and you know what like yeah a bit more gratitude that we're lucky that we can have whatever we want whenever we want really and um that we're yeah we're being nourished and nurtured and not to be having the negative dialogue around food. There's a lot of negative dialogue around food.

Oh my God, January is a big time for that as well and um after Christmas so yeah it's about nurturing a healthier relationship with food as well.

And I think you know you did um really benefit from that as well you know not being not beating yourself up for having crisps but knowing how to talk about food um in a in a kinder way.

And yeah, what we what we tell ourselves is really important yeah and I think because I did have a lot of shame because self-care is such a huge part of my work and because what you were telling me is very basic nutritional advice.

I was in my 40s already but I remember studying a bit of nutrition with the yoga therapy training like in my 30s and learning how important it was as children and teenagers. I used to even write about nutrition for the UK national press and I'd kind of dismiss it for myself like, ‘Oh yeah, but it's too late for me.’ And working with you it's like, no it's really not too late.

This morning I added chia seeds and flax seeds to my mixed fruit and vegan yogurt (the plain one I no longer have the sugar one for breakfast) but these things like, I keep, I'm kind of overemphasising this a bit because I have been working in this area for so long and I want people who might be listening or watching to realise that probably food stuff for me is the least natural in terms of what I've integrated into my own self-care.

And some of what you were telling me back then, I understood it at some level but it felt like the kind of thing that aliens might do: like to chop fruit and have granola and seeds and vegan yogurt for breakfast. It's like yeah, but that's not really me.

Whereas I do now have that like three or four times a week!

Yeah, great, yeah it's a habit isn't it? It becomes a new you. Know it's a skill and it's a habit and it is exactly that it is self-care. It's nurturing yourself and putting in lovely vital plant food into your body. Yeah that's key for your inner vitality.

Yeah. I really want to hear about your ideal and actual daily self-care so I imagine some of it will be around food and plants but whatever feels…

I always have I'm here in my clinic at the moment and you know it's great for me when I'm in clinic here, I probably drink more herbal tea when I'm in the clinic so I make up a big pot and I have that big go and I always share a cup of tea with whoever's coming in to see me and I end up drinking quite a bit of herbal tea over the day.

Then when I'm in here myself and I always like I think that brings me into the zone and it's hydrating as well. So yeah, there's a lovely there's a lovely I don't know what the word I'm looking for is but there's a there's an ally feeling almost. When you have these herbs and they're here they're here to support us on so many different levels.

I think herbal medicine is so special. We know it works on the physical and that's what you know where people will tangibly come to herbal medicine initially it's because it'll do this for that you take this for that.

But we know and when you're taking herbs for a while you can see that works much deeper and herbs work very much on the emotional and spiritual levels as well so I find that it brings me, in certain terms, will bring me into a more calm and a parasympathetic state.

And so that's really important for me when I'm working as well. That's an ideal thing that you do manage pretty much every day but more so when you're in clinic and you have it in your environment prompting you. Exactly, yeah exactly, yeah. And what else would I do when you know when I'm when I'm on track and my schedule is a little bit you know better? Better run… it hasn't been well, it's been very busy for a few different reasons for the last couple of months and I haven't been getting to the gym as much as I'd like but I do like to get a gym session in in the morning if I can.

Because if it runs away after that, I tend to be quite busy in the evenings either doing online classes or with my two teenage boys and things can just go awry after that. So I find if I don't get it in in the morning then it can it can slip away from me. And I know how I feel when I've got that regular routine in so I'm missing that at the moment. And I know this week was a bit of a write-off because I I've other things to do but next week for me, I'm going to be back on track.

And when you say going to the gym again it's that kind of thing that people imagine it has to be something really high intensity or something really like heavy or whatever it might be what feels like an ideal workout and what feels like a good actual workout. Like if you were to have a spectrum for you getting to the gym and you're doing some or all of it?

Yeah, I like you know I do like weights and my body you know responds well to that. I like feeling strong and because I'm a woman in my mid-40s now, you know this is what I preach as well.

It's very much, you know, weight bearing exercise is really important for our bone density and also for our muscles. You know we want to have good muscle. We want to build good muscle in our body. So yeah, that's important for me.

The weights and I enjoy it. I like weights. I've been trying to do the pull-ups a bit more. I'm challenging myself not enough but you know the pull-up bar where you're like…

Yeah, oh my God I know it exists there's no way on earth I could pull myself up…

I think I'm going to give it more of an emphasis this year because I'd love to I'd love to be able to do that. You know but like you know you're putting different body weights and different people can pull themselves on those bars I'd like to give that a go I'd like to challenge. Yeah, I'd love to be able to do that a bit easier and not be absolutely aching for two days afterwards.

Yeah, there's the one at one of the pools in town. My shoulder is healing much better and I've been kind of doing push-ups on. They have like kind of jacuzzi jets but in my imagination I'm doing that full on. But as it heals, I don't want to make it worse but that's brilliant.

What about later in the day and evening and winding down?

Yeah, so you know it's not been, that's probably not been great for me over the last while because I've been doing an online course with a bunch in the States so I've been on a bit later some evenings. And also, my kids play rugby so I'm out so I try and I always try and work my day around getting home and having dinner together when the boys come home from school. So that's kind of like a good fulcrum point for me in the day. Where I'll always have home-cooked dinner we'll have dinner together.

That's the best time for all of us to eat together and then after that it can get quite busy again. So yeah, I find that can be quite taxing on me sometimes because I'm driving around a lot in the evening and you know juggling quite a bit.

But if I can get your ideal…

Yeah, if I could get out for a walk you know in the evening as well, that's ideal for me. And if I have a chance to you know wind down with a book in the evening time um or do a meditation. Or I listen to some astrology or I work on my astrology course that I'm doing. That for me would be ideal, if I had more time for that.

Yeah and because I know how compassionate you are with me and presumably with your other clients and others, right now, how compassionate are you being with yourself around your ideal and your actual self-care?

Yeah, look it, I'm in a very building, growth phase of my work at the moment as well so I'm I'm doing a lot of planning in the background. I'm building a new online hybrid course and I know at the moment I'm doing a lot extra and it's, you know it's, I need my sleep so I'll definitely get into bed now you know for me 11 o'clock is really good. I don't leave it past midnight I know we talked about that a lot.

And yeah, you know I know it's really important for me. Sleep. Sleep helps me through the busyness. And water and herbal teas, like just making sure I'm hydrated. And um and maybe some fasting in in between as well. That can help me as well, just to kind of clear.

It clears the head, it clears it clears the busyness because it's an interesting one. I find fasting can actually really help when I'm that you know that much on the go it kind of clears space and it just allows it allows for a little bit more clarity and calmness. Actually calm. Yeah, I strive to be calm. I'm not always calm at home in the evenings but I strive for that.

Well you have a busy life! I was gonna ask about your like ideal and actual self with an uppercase Self for that more like transpersonal spiritual element. You mentioned like meditation and astrology. Do you want to say a little more about that?

Well, I've always I've always had a deep interest in, I suppose, I don't know, esoteric medicine, would you call it? You know I went to India when I was 22 and I was in Thailand when I was about 20 and I started to learn yoga then.

Like that was back in 1999 around that time I think we went to Thailand and so that opened up my eyes to, Wow, oh my God! I remember doing yoga on an open platform up high in the jungle with trees around us and then we'd have like a bowl of porridge with loads of different I always remember the ginger and the cloves and all of that lovely flavour and the porridge and I can remember that so clearly. And I always I always felt connected. That there was a lot more, there was a lot more to our physical beings here. You know, our spirit. Our ancestors. And yeah, we're here for a purpose this lifetime but there's so much more outside of us. And your soul journey after you know, when you pass away and what happens after that.

I was always really intrigued with all of that and so I'd have a very deep faith in that and I think that that's really kept me kept me happy, I suppose. And centred and content in my own company for a lot of a lot of my life. Yeah, it's something that I can lean back into and I do incorporate in every day really, in some way shape or form. Yeah.

And I was gonna ask what love and care and advice you'd be sending to a Younger You but it sounds like it's coming in both directions. Like 20 Year Old You and 22 Year Old You helped set you up good habits. But is there any love advice and care you'd like to send back?

Yeah, I suppose I was I was very unorthodox when I was that age. Like I didn't kind of follow through the trajectory of, I did go to college but then I went traveling and I kind of like I really did follow my own flow. And maybe I was always feeling a little bit, back in the back of my head, I might have felt a bit guilty about that.

That maybe I should have gone and, you know, done that or you know, got into you know buying property here when I was younger and all of that kind of thing. But I actually have no regrets on that. I don't, yeah, just, oh my God, enjoy. Enjoy the fun. Enjoy the travel. Enjoy because we're here for such a short time.

And yeah, you know those early years, I'm so glad that I went traveling. I'm so glad that I had all those lovely experiences. And all the different countries I worked in. All the different people I've met has all had to form where I'm at today.

And that given me the drive and the belief that I can you, know, my own business and work for myself and help other people and be of service to other people. And that's, you know you know, I think I got a lot of that belief from having all those different experiences when I was young.

So yeah, just to enjoy it. Enjoy it.

Well thank you so, so much.

And we'll be sharing more for the Half Moon members and Full Moon members in the separate videos. For now, I just really appreciate you joining me. Where can people find you? Like do you want to say, I'm going to have details in the show notes, but what would you like to plug now?

My website is herbalhealthcare.ie and if you google Colleen Kennedy you'll find me. I'm also on Facebook and I'm on Instagram. Again my Instagram handle is @colleenherbnut but I might be changing that soon too. But herb nut, nut for nutrition.

I thought it was brilliant. Yeah I love it so maybe I'll leave it then. But that's my Instagram and then Facebook is I've built a personal profile which I'm using more for work now as well Colleen Kennedy and then Colleen Kennedy Herbal Healthcare.

Well thanks again!

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with your Self with that uppercase that highest wisest truest wildest most joyful brilliant miraculous part of yourself and to become more fully embodied at peace and at ease in your own skin so to help me do this if you can think of someone who might benefit please share it and if you haven't already and would like to you can subscribe comment rate review and this episode like all of them so far has been produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham thanks again for listening and if you'd like more on this week's theme you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of The Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com find out more at selfcarecoaching.net.

Each week Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony. It's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme. And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine. By really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do perhaps. But just supporting yourself and taking those steps let me know if any of that is of interest and I hope you have a gorgeous day.

25 ADHD (or VAST) terms you might like to know

Tue, 08 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Including 4 new letters that may become as familiar to you as ADHD as Drs Hallowell and Ratey’s potentially less stigmatising VAST model (Variable Attention Stimulus Trait) becomes better known…

Which of these 25 terms resonate most for you?

Which ADHD (or VAST) terms had you hoped to see included?

Comment or reply to let me know for a future episode.

le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

I remember part of the training involved the recognition, both through our own practice and through working with others, that often if, for example, someone is working with anxiety and they start practicing mindfulness, it's not uncommon for them to report feeling more anxious. In reality, they've normally been experiencing those physiological symptoms and the mindfulness practice makes it more conscious and helps us get better at making choices that alleviate the anxiety. Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to The Sole to Soul Circle.

You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month and you can also find more ideas in the book. 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. Welcome to episode 53 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

Today we're deconstructing some of the jargon around ADHD. It's not quite an A-Z, but there's a lot there and I'm smiling because I remember I used to feel completely overwhelmed by all the jargon and over the past few years some of it still makes me laugh because it's not very intuitive and other bits are completely of course. When I learned to practice and teach mindfulness well over a decade ago, I remember part of the training involved the recognition both through our own practice and through working with others, that often if for example someone is working with anxiety and they start practicing mindfulness, it's not uncommon for them to report feeling more anxious.

In reality they've normally been experiencing those physiological symptoms and the mindfulness practice makes it more conscious and helps us get better at making choices that alleviate the anxiety and that help us regulate and help us make changes to our lives. Similarly with the ADHD jargon, I'm never a fan of jargon, but I have felt like it's been learning a new language the past few years and some of it is so helpful when I realise it's not just me. I do occasional newsletters called ‘Is This Me or ADHD?’ because I think like so many people with the diagnosis, whether it's self-diagnosis or official, it can be like well tick tick tick tick tick, I feel really like, ‘Yep this is all me’, but I thought they were personality traits.

So understanding that they're traits and symptoms and then also recognising that ADHD presents differently in different people obviously, so getting a sense of which ones feel most resonant for you and finding ways to support yourself through it. I just sneezed, I hope I don't need to edit that out, I tried to pause it in time.

We're going to start with ADHD burnout and it's different to regular burnout but it can be a real problem. I know that I'm constantly amending my schedule in order to minimise it because even now more than 20 years into being my own boss, being in the really fortunate position to be able to control my own schedule, I will still do too much, I'll hyperfocus, that's coming later and then I'll be fit for nothing for days.

It's really useful as with everything to notice for yourself when you feel it, what helps you when you're in it, what helps you recover more quickly, what helps you prevent it, the more awareness you have the easier it will get for you to actually prevent this endless cycle by building in more rest, taking more off your plate. Progress not perfection as with everything but it's a practice and just even recognising that you're potentially more prone to it can help you recognise that you are worthy of the extra supports and accommodations in your own life and if you're your own boss or if you're working for someone else, really advocating for yourself and knowing you're worth it.

The second term is convocoaster which is not a clinical term but it's for when we go off on a bit of a conversational rollercoaster. The people who know and love us might be patient and wait knowing that we will come back eventually.

I remember my housemates when I was at Bangor University in the ‘90s talking about me being a bit like a runaway train and that if they kind of hung on I would get back to the point eventually. I had no idea about ADHD back then but being patient with yourself, being patient with loved ones, recognising okay there is a point and you will get back to it and also supporting yourself if you're in a meeting or if you're in a situation where you want to be as focused as possible and making brief notes for yourself.

Number three, we've got Glimmers, a term coined by the delightful Deb Dana who has helped make Polyvagal Theory accessible to more people. We're all so familiar with triggers and how something that others might not notice can have a pretty debilitating effect on the nervous system. Glimmers are their opposite.

It might be the way the light looks on a puddle, it might be the way it can be all kinds of tiny things, larger things but getting to know your glimmers and creating an environment for yourself, creating a schedule for yourself where you are likely to experience as many glimmers as possible is going to contribute to your ventral vagal wellness and overall wellbeing.

It's a wonderful way to help alleviate some of the suffering and to really enjoy the way things look or feel or taste or smell or sound, just let yourself feel glimmery and set playlists for yourself, really enjoy it, really indulge yourself as much as possible.

Number four is moving on to hyperfocus and for Half Moon members (that's the free subscribers, you can subscribe at evemc.substack.com or selfcarecoaching.net) you'll be getting an email newsletter with a video around hyperfocus and how you can support balance and harmony in your life by working with your own hyperfocus a bit better. Hyperfocus is one of the many reasons why ADHD as a name is not loved by so many. I'll get on to that later but we don't have a problem focusing when we're interested in something. When something grabs us, we often have difficulty unfocusing. So often, people ignore bodily sensations like hunger or thirst or needing the loo or sleep or whatever it might be. Becoming aware of your areas of hyperfocus, becoming aware of your energy levels, of your interests, of the things that need to be done and finding ways as much as possible to make it work for you.

Like I said I'll go into this in more detail for tomorrow's bonus content, the deeper dive, but you can just think for yourself, when did you last hyperfocus? Was it a joyful hyperfocus? Was it a stressful hyperfocus?

It can actually be really enjoyable building time in to go down random rabbit holes, something you may never have heard of and all of a sudden it's the most fascinating thing in the world and we live in an information age and it's very easy to research and find out more and it's I think really helpful to recognise the joy in that and put supports in place and also to recognise the things that you perhaps need to be doing. I've recently completed a massive revamp of my website and it's taken a year and a half because I initially hyperfocused and then I got distracted by lots of other things and I wanted to complete it but there was a lot of behind the scenes stuff.

It's an enormous site and I was creating a library and my virtual assistant helped a lot but it just took a really long time and then in the last few weeks recognising I was near the end, I let myself go into hyperfocus.

I scheduled days in where I could work. I didn't have sessions those days and working around the clock but in a planned way. I'm not advocating working on the clock, it's something I'm still working on myself but in this instance it was such a joy to get it done and then I built in some time off afterwards.

Know that you're going to get hooked into things, knowing that certain things are going to produce more dopamine and you're just going to get really enthusiastic about them rather than beating yourself up for the way your brain works. Work with it as much as possible.

Moving on to impulsivity (number five), it makes me laugh that I didn't realise that I was impulsive until I got my diagnosis (combined). Once I realised it, I realised of course I am. I can remember going back decades, certain things I did. A couple years ago I leaped onto a conveyor belt at an airport because I thought that my luggage was being taken away without it being labelled.

It was the middle of the night in Norway, it had been a stressful few days, my uncle was dying and there were no humans around. I saw my suitcase disappearing and I just leaped onto the conveyor belt like a thing possessed. I'm surprised I didn't fall and hurt myself.

Suddenly there were loads of humans around and they were telling me off because I shouldn't have done that but it's that kind of impulsivity. I guess not everyone does that and I can think of so many examples through my life where I’ve been like. ‘Well obviously you had to do whatever’ and other people are like, ‘No, you really didn't.’ So like I said with the mindfulness earlier, knowing that I have this tendency towards impulsivity, my life has changed.

I'm still waiting to hear from the doctor if I'm able to take the ADHD medication. I've had the cardiology report, things are looking promising but just knowing I'm impulsive helps me attend to that impulsive part of myself. My spending has improved, my eating has improved, my time management has improved, all sorts of things have improved just by recognising that impulsive part of me needs to be attended to and loved and cherished and enjoyed when appropriate. But it cannot drive my life. It just cannot be in the driving seat. So recognising it's a thing is definitely helping that awareness, that consciousness and I hope it does for you too.

Moving then to inattentive (number 6), again I didn't really know that not everyone did this but I did know that I often gave the impression of listening really well and not taking anything in. And because I now understand more about my brain, I'm better able to own it and be honest. I think because my dad was a teacher when I was growing up, I kind of grew up pretending to pay attention and at school and all the rest of it but in my head I was all sorts of other places.

I was recently in B&Q and I asked where the loo was. The kind person said it is do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do and I was like, ‘Magic. Thank you so much!’ and then I immediately said, ‘Would you mind repeating that please? I said magic as if I understood it and I was nodding as if I understood it but I have no idea what you just said!’

And because I'm 49 now and because I feel safe now, I can own it. She laughed and she was so sweet and she showed me where it was and I found it. It was brilliant but I thought I can't tell you how much of my life I pretended to nod along and understand things that were just whoosh.

I think also being Indian Irish, I recently had an experience… not recently actually, it was over 10 years ago. I was in Italy at a psychosynthesis conference and some people think I look Italian or Spanish and I realised that when I was doing my normal nodding along. They were talking Italian at this conference in Florence and people were then talking to me and they thought I could understand and it was like, ‘Oh my god! I really can't!’

I'm not sharing a How To Do Things here, I'm just sharing how more awareness is helping me in hopes that it will help you.

Giving yourself anchors that help you when you're inattentive so you don't go down a rumination (number 8) pathway but you instead have nice happy places you can visit in your mind. Ways in which you can use that time to do something that works for you. I feel like I'm being naughty suggesting that! But it’s so helpful.

Moving on to justice sensitivity (number 9). Again, I didn't understand how other people seemed to function when certain things were going on in the world. I’d burst into tears reading the newspaper before I learned how to practice Metta and send loving kindness to all involved. I remember all sorts of situations which I'm actually not going to name now because I don't want to upset anyone. There's so much going on in the world now. There has been for such a long time but I didn't understand how other people functioned when I just felt just broken by something going on so far away. Understanding that justice sensitivity again is a symptom, is a trait, helps me recognise, ‘OK. It's just my differently wired brain.’ What can I do, not to fix the problem (because even though my name's Eve I'm not responsible for the whole world this is something I keep reminding myself of) but what is within my power what is within my capabilities and my time available and my energy levels and my desire to help.

We so often think we have to do all the things whereas just doing something in that direction can help alleviate some of that intense pain that accompanies daily life a lot of the time. There is so much injustice in the world and it's not about turning a blind eye it's about honouring your strengths and capabilities and energy and harnessing it so that you can potentially make much more of a difference without hurting yourself. Without burning out. Without feeling utter despair.

Moving then to misophonia (number 10) and I didn't realise there's so much I had no idea about. That actual pain that accompanies certain sounds. Again, I thought everyone had it and I didn't understand how they'd be able to focus on whatever other people were saying rather than, ‘OH MY GOD!’ But also thinking about adults in my life when I was a child.

Certain things they'd pick up on and certain things that they would criticise me for, well meaning potentially but painful to experience. Recognising they probably had misophonia and it was painful to hear whatever.

With all of this, I think there's a grieving not just for ourselves with late diagnosis ADHD but also if we then recognise symptoms in the adults in our lives and think not only how different our childhoods might have been and younger adulthoods if we had known about ourselves but how different, how much less intergenerational trauma there might be had they known. And had they had the support that they needed and deserved and that could have made them better in their roles as adults in our lives.

So we then move to neuroaffirming (number 11), which I hope you're familiar with. You want to, if you're working with anyone one-to-one, make sure they're neuroaffirmative rather than pathologising you, recognising a strengths-based approach and really working with your delightfully differently wired brain.

And doing the same for yourself, not dismissing yourself, not beating yourself up about things you can't change, but working with the gifts and the strengths that come with it as well.

PDA (number twelve) makes me laugh. The pathological demand avoidance. I used to hear the whole time as a child, as a teenager, that I was, I mean, I was, I can't remember exactly what I heard because I was kind of inattentive tuning it out, but I remember a lot of being told off about not doing what adults wanted me to do. And as an adult now, as a 49 year old, I still have to be careful with myself.

If I want myself to do something that I know is good for me, I have to really be gentle and I have to kind of approach it like an adult might in terms of giving a small child vegetables and kind of sneak them in because the pathological demand avoidance is high. And it just makes me laugh now and I can own it and I no longer let it sabotage me. It's like, ‘OK, I need to attend to that part of me that really doesn't want to be told what to do even by myself!’

Working with yourself again and reminding yourself you're not forcing yourself to do anything, but something might help, see how it goes, play with it, have fun.

Then we move on to the painful rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) (number thirteen), which is incredibly painful. I also want to flag that everyone experiences rejection as painful, but with the rejection sensitivity dysphoria, it can feel especially like, ‘How to recover?’ but it's not an excuse to make your feelings more important than anyone else's. Obviously they need to be to you, but it's not fair to expect other people to put their needs and wants below because it's about recognising and having empathy for yourself and also for others, for ourselves and for others.

We might feel things more acutely, but again, when you say that, when I say that, I don't know how someone else actually experiences it. They might be feeling it much more deeply than I realised from their reaction, because they might be used to getting on regardless while dying on the inside. But rejection sensitivity dysphoria is incredibly painful. One of the things that helped me was becoming a writer, where I basically had to deal with so much rejection.

It didn't desensitise me to it, but it did teach me very early on that the best thing to do was to take action. I'm in a position right now where I'm waiting to hear back from a few different situations and teenage me would have languished and stressed and ruminated and all the rest of it. But when I became a professional writer, I just learned to get on with it.

It doesn't mean that I don't feel it. I still go through far too much of my life thinking that people don't like me or hate me or I've done something wrong or I mean, it's much, much better than it was, but it is a painful way to be. And it's very recently that I realised that not everyone goes through life like that!

Be gentle with yourself and use the pain you feel to be gentle with others as well and to be sensitive about the way you reject others.

Moving on to revenge bedtime procrastination (number fourteen), I know we covered this in the sleep issue and also in the second episode with Rebecca Seal (and later I think with the Chris Oxborrow and Louise Lucas episodes). Notice when you're staying up late and you don't want to be, notice again that potential PDA. That, ‘Don't tell me when to go to bed!’

Ask yourself what benefits you're getting. Often it is that kind of quiet time, that peaceful time. See if you can make changes in your schedule so you can get those needs met, but in a way that doesn't leave you feeling exhausted so much of the time. Log your...

How are you fooling yourself? Episode 52 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 07:00:00 +0100

This April Fools Day, we’re exploring ways in which our ADHD brains keep us fooling ourselves

And how awareness and compassion really help…

How about you?

Le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

For me, if I don't have something to read, I feel quite anxious. I don't want to be anywhere where I could be reading and I'm not reading, but also I don't know what mood I'm going to be in at that time, so I tend to bring like different journals and magazines as well as maybe a memoir and maybe a novel. And this might be just for one night, but I'm, especially now I can drive so I'm not lugging it all on the train, and like my brother has used a Kindle since they were invented and I know so many people use like Kindles or similar and I'm just like, ‘What if it ran out? What if it broke?’ I can't, I need to know, I've got stuff to read.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Thanks for joining me again, Jayne Leonard, I really appreciate it.

Thanks Eve, thanks for having me.

We're celebrating April Fools today and talking about, especially with ADHD, how we fool ourselves, how we delude ourselves.

I'm looking back through 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and I just looked at the April Fools Day entry and it’s what we're talking about today:

Are you fooling yourself?

How can we really get honest in a compassionate and curious way about what we're doing and whether that serves us in terms of what we want to be doing and where we want to be going?

I'm just laughing that I was talking about deluding myself that yumyums were a healthy breakfast. We're talking also about how like we delude ourselves in terms of, do you want to say some of the things you delude yourself about? Some of the things you fool yourself about?

Yeah, the biggest thing I think I delude myself about is how much I can get done in a time period and I just think, so time is as we know like a really tricky concept for people with ADHD anyway, we just, yeah we struggle with it. But I think also I don't take into account maybe where I am in the whole, am I in the hyperfocus mode where I can get loads done or am I kind of on the comedown from that or am I in the burnout zone.

So it has been, yeah, it's been kind of a journey to figure that out and it's still definitely tricky. Like I sent you a photo when I was in Kerry, in November was it, I sent you a photo of about six books I brought and I was only there for four days and I also had a load of work to do and stuff but this was like, it's almost like the fantasy of, absolutely, the fantasy of oh and I could and I could get that stuff done if I sat and read.

But I also have all this other stuff to do. But it's like my brain compartmentalises like you want to get this done so just focus on this and get this done and it doesn't look at the other compartments that also need to be done.

Yeah I think that's the biggest thing I delude myself about. I love that about reading and I no longer call them to be read piles, they're like COULD be read piles because I don't want that pressure.

For me, if I don't have something to read, I feel quite anxious and it feels like I don't want to be anywhere where I could be reading and I'm not reading but also I don't know what mood I'm going to be in at that time.

I tend to bring like different journals and magazines as well as maybe a memoir and maybe a novel and this might be just for one night but I'm, especially now I can drive so I'm not lugging it all on the train. My brother has used a Kindle since they were invented and I know so many people use like Kindles or similar and I'm just like what if it ran out? What if it broke? I can't, I need to know, I've got stuff to read.

I think packing is like one of the hardest things for people with ADHD because you don't know what, you know, you're so used to something not catching your attention, your focus that you saw it.

It's like you have to have 50 different things in the bag just in case. Which is going to give me the dopamine now?

Thinking like in terms of music, the learning to drive has been hilarious. I drive, my partner lives, it’s an hour and 45 minutes to drive there. I'll have some grapes and peeled clementines on the seat next to me which I've learned over time to do.

Initially it's like, well there's nowhere really safe to stop to drink on the way so it's about having something you can just gently but I need to listen to an audiobook because if it's a podcast it might have ad breaks that I don't like. They are too jarring. Even if I have my liked music on shuffle they sometimes insert their recommendations and it's like or even if it's something I've liked, I'm not in the mood for it in that moment.

I've learned to stop fooling myself that I can be more laid back and I can't do radio at this stage at all but I think knowing I'm still new to driving I have to be really gentle with myself and it's like nope I have a really long podcast episode and then I can pull over to change it and this is a podcast that doesn't have ads. Or an audiobook. That's the safest thing and again predictable.

In terms of fooling yourself, we've talked about how much we think we can get done. We're going to talk a bit more in the Half Moon and Full Moon recordings so if you're not already a subscriber you can join at evemc.substack.com

Even though it's really, hard like I've always been really early, like I was at JFK airport nine hours before a flight from NYC. Same in Spain. I was so terrified that I would get distracted and wander off and miss my flight so I didn't realise that was ADHD until I did.

It's that knowing, OK, we know that we don't have a natural relationship to time. But we also know that time is not actually like time. Clocks were only invented a few hundred years ago. It's a social construct in a way you never thought about.

Like people with dyslexic brains, apparently it depends on the part of the world you're from because reading wasn't a natural thing that like all humans were born known to do. It evolved. We learn how to do it and depending on where you are in the world, you read from right to left or you read in other ways so it depends.

I think yeah we can fool ourselves but we can also be gentle with ourselves and think okay how can I make it how can I feel less foolish around it? I still love the over scheduling myself but by blocking out big parts of my desk diary, I know that that time is not available also for the do do do do do.

I think I also fool myself in that I like I think, ‘Oh, OK, I can pack this. I'll just survive with this little bag. I'll book my flight or whatever and I'll have this little bag and then I come to pack and I go, ‘Oh my god, no, I need to put everything in here!’ Yeah I fool myself a lot.

It's actually a lot around time. Now that we're talking about it, I'm realising it's actually almost all about time. I was talking to someone else actually who fools themselves around and this is not on purpose but again there's probably a time element. They would only cherry pick the last two instances of something so they might have had an interaction with a mother-in-law or something and they might say, ‘You know she's actually really awful to me’ but the 10 times before that it wouldn't have been like that. But it's again, I think the time and our memories.

Yeah, like if you've got a cold and you can't imagine ever being able to breathe easily again or if you're physically cold and you can't ever imagine being hot again or the other way around. So recognising that what we're feeling in that moment isn't everything true of everything, yeah.

The ability to zoom out is huge.

Do join us in the Half Moon and or Full Moon Circles and thank you so much for joining. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Feel |Better Every Day Podcast.

I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with your Self with that uppercase S: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself. To become more fully embodied at peace and at ease in your own skin.

To help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it. And if you haven't already and would like to, you can subscribe, comment, rate, review. And this episode like all of them so far has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham.

Thanks again for listening. And if you'd like more on this week's theme you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com

Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net

Each week, Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony so it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme.

And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone. To do the things that you already know to do by just supporting you and taking those steps.

Let me know if any of that is of interest and I hope you have a gorgeous day.

Reconnect with the earth and your Self

Tue, 25 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0100

There’s something magical about simply slowing down enough to notice all the beauty around us.

This week, I’ve changed my schedule to actually make time to do all the things I ‘should’ be doing and ‘need’ to do in the garden and field.

We’ve made a proper start on the deadhedge I’ve been planning since before even moving to Ireland and I cannot believe how happy it’s made me. I’ve been taking my breakfast outside and eating it while looking at this pile of branches and sticks.

It’s the little things…

Today and everyday, what teeny tiny thing might you start doing in order to connect with the day’s energies and the earth itself?

le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

took us more and more away from our own bodies and more and more away from the earth that our ancient ancestors and some people still now recognise is our life support system. So this is not to get all depressing about the climate emergency and all of that but instead to remind you that you are part of nature, you are part of the divine, you are part of the earth.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in.

If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month and you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Welcome to episode 51 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Ot was Earth Hour on Saturday and it always feels like a shame to limit our connection with the earth to one hour or one day a year when we have that earthing, supportive, nourishing energy to draw on 24-7.

We are so lucky. It's a gorgeous, beautiful planet and wherever you are right now, you can begin to connect with that support, that energy that we were disconnected from like hundreds of years ago as colonisation took us more and more away from our own bodies and more and more away from the earth that our ancient ancestors and some people still now recognise as our life support system.

This is not to get all depressing about the climate emergency and all of that, but instead to remind you that you are part of nature, you are part of the divine, you are part of the earth and you can anytime, anywhere remind yourself that you are safe, you are held, you are protected and I want to encourage you to do that right now.

Wherever you are, if it's safe to go into a mini meditation, so not if you're driving but you can still listen if you're driving, it's not going to put you to sleep or anything, but pressing into whatever it is you're sitting or standing on.

If you're walking, you might continue to walk or you might pause for a moment, just press into the soles of the feet, feel the air around you.

Press into everything that is making contact with the earth through what you're sitting on. You can do this on an aeroplane, up in the sky, you can still ground yourself using intention, using your imagination. Noticing how it feels to really connect with the boundary of whatever it is you're sitting or standing or lying on and if it feels good, imagine that you've got roots going from the soles of your feet and any other part of the body that's touching the bed or what you're sitting on, going deep, deep, deep into the heart of the earth.

Letting yourself feel that earth's nourishing supportive energy as you breathe in, imagining breathing in that nourishing supporting earth in grounding energy from the heart of the earth, up through your imaginary roots and up into your body, up through the feet, through the legs, up to the lower lungs and back out again.

You can imagine yourself just breathing this nourishing supportive energy in and out, connecting with each breath.

If you want to go a little bit further, you can imagine releasing energies that no longer serve you and with each exhalation, letting them flow out down through those imaginary roots into the earth, knowing that energy is energy and it can all be recycled for the benefit of the planet. It doesn't help anyone for you to stay stuck.

Maybe pausing this and staying with this for a few moments if that feels good for you and if it also feels good for you, grabbing your journal, grounding your experience by writing about it, making a few notes.

It might be that you've got time to explore right now or it might be that you want to write a few notes and revisit it later. Writing can be really grounding, especially writing by hand.

Noticing where you are in any given moment can be really grounding. We are so busy, we're so delighted with our devices and we can get quite disconnected from the present moment.

Just taking a time moment every now and then to pause, look around you if you're walking, if you're listening to something.

You don't have to do a full-on mindful walk but just notice every few minutes or so or every half hour a degree that feels good for you, that's going to feel indulgent and enjoyable, not punitive like, ‘Put that phone down!’ or whatever it might be.

Other things that can be really grounding are to prepare food like batch cooking, making soup, if you peel potatoes, peeling potatoes, putting laundry away, sweeping the floor, anything that's helping you work with that base chakra energy. So you can go back to evemc.substack.com or the blog at selfcarecoaching.net and look at the chakra journey from last year, 2024 if you're listening to this later, and go back over the base chakra episodes and that has many many ideas.

Notice how you feel when perhaps you've been away or you've been really busy. The washing has piled up and the washing up has piled up, you haven't like kind of the simplest things like changing the bedding and sweeping the floors or vacuuming or cooking is such a nourishing lovely thing, especially if you're using vegetables, if you're using things to genuinely nourish yourself.

Really, really grounding, you're telling yourself you're worthy, you're honoring the fuel you're putting into yourself and it also it's something that humans have to do, we have to eat for fuel so we have to cook, we have to eat either way so you can really use what you're eating, what you're cooking. Even how you're cleaning, how you're tidying, how you're getting stuff organised and sorting through your finances can be really grounding. It can help you even if you're not happy with your finances.

Being honest with yourself and getting a clear sense of where you actually are as well as deciding where you want to be and making a plan to move towards that. Even looking at where you are now, very very grounding.

Gardening is obviously very grounding and there's all sorts of research about the microbiomes when we have our hands in the soil. Personally, I don't like that but I love being barefoot in the garden. I love being barefoot as often as possible wherever but I don't like my hands getting dirty which is embarrassing to admit but some of you especially with ADHD and other neurodivergence might feel the same.

I still get enormous benefits from grounding even if I'm wearing gardening gloves but there's something so delightful for me, there's the added bonus of feeding the donkeys next door with the safe to feed them weeds and grass and what have you.

Thinking for yourself, like if you like getting your hands dirty, whether you've got space indoors and outdoors for plants just placing your hands on that earth if that feels good for you.

With all of these suggestions, all of these self-care ideas, all of these self-care rituals, do what feels good for you.

You know yourself best but walking barefoot if that feels good for you, again depending on where in the world you are, if it's long grass you need to be careful but on many, many surfaces, on the beach, in the water, it can be wonderful.

I'd love for you to pause this or after you listen to this take some time to make a list of some of the things that help you ground.

With trauma therapy, if you're feeling flooded, anytime if you remember coming back into your body doing an EFT tapping can be very grounding bringing you back into the body. Tensing and releasing the thighs and noticing what's around you.

Some people look at like five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can feel, if there are any smells, if there are any like…

You don't have to make it complicated just letting yourself come out of your head, out of your ruminating mind and into the present moment.

Things like cold water swimming or yoga or being in the steam room or anything that is going to help you connect in your body with your body in a safe friendly you're part of this wonderful wonderful world.

How can you enjoy it more? I always go on about swimming as well as yoga but especially the swimming. As I'm moving through the water I feel most like myself. Hugs with loved ones. Sex. So many normal, everyday easy ways to ground yourself to connect with the earth to send the earth some love.

And you might also want to, as well as drawing on the earth supportive energy, think about how you can potentially leave the earth better than you found it.

Every day if you see litter and it's possible for you to be picking it up doing so maybe carry a bag with you on your walk. And maybe join others too. In Westport, we've got a strong Tidy Towns community (and in many towns around Ireland) but wherever you are there are going to be other people who want to give back to the earth by keeping things out of the streams and oceans.

It's about doing it with an open heart. It's about noticing energy use again with an open heart. Not being critical of yourself and others you share a home with but encouraging everyone to celebrate.

To nourish the earth as we nourish ourselves. And to remember to nourish ourselves more.

If you want to subscribe if you haven't already (to the Sole to Soul Circle) the bonus content this week for Half Moon members will be some embodied journal prompts to help you connect more with the earth's nourishing energy.

And a couple of yoga poses that I'll talk you through. For the Full Moon and Super Moon members we'll be working with some grounding crystals so I hope that you've enjoyed this.

I hope you have a gorgeous week and I look forward to sharing more next week when we'll be looking at ways in which we potentially fool ourselves for April Fools.

Thank you for joining me thank you for listening thank you for listening to this episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with yourself with that uppercase that highest wisest truest wildest most joyful brilliant miraculous part of yourself and to become more fully embodied at peace and at ease in your own skin.

To help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it. And if you haven't already and would like to you can subscribe, comment, rate, review. This episode like all of them so far has been produced by me your host Eve Menezes Cunningham.

Thanks again for listening and if you'd like more on this week's theme you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Sole to Soule Circle at evemc.substack.com and find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. Each week, Half Moon members (that's the free subscribers) get some bonus content to support balance and harmony so it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme.

And then the following day, Full Moon and Super Moon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting really soothing really working well with your nervous system. Helping you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do perhaps. Supporting you and taking those steps. Let me know if any of that is of interest and I hope you have a gorgeous day.

Neurodiversity Celebration Week with Jayne Leonard

Mon, 17 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone – neurodivergent and neurotypical – celebrated our brains and unique ways of seeing and being in the world? If the world were set up to better support ALL of us? If no one was shamed simply for being the way they were?

‘For us late diagnosed ADHDers, there is that mourning and that grief and that loss and that rage around how different entire lives could have been had we known, but also if the world were different and if the world were more set up. Even now, kids struggle having accommodations made for them even though the accommodations would support everyone, not just the neurodivergent children.’

Episode 50 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

is out a little earlier to help you make the most of the whole week’s worth of

events. You can sign up at https://www.neurodiversityweek.com/events

I hope you enjoy my ADHD chat with the lovely

Jayne Leonard as we talk about what’s helped and is still helping us to befriend

and celebrate our own late diagnosed ADHD brains.

le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

And yeah, I think just celebrate it, own it,

you know, allow it, accept it. It's not going to change, so you might as well

work with it and, you know, make space for it. Yeah.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to

the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new

trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of

your Self, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and

miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know

can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in.

If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting

bonus content each week if you sign up to the Soul to Soul Circle. You can do

that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find

more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for

Embodied Wellbeing (selfcarecoaching.net/book).

Welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I've got my vegan, ADHD, late diagnosed friend Jayne Leonard here again.

Thank you so much for joining me.

Thanks, Eve, looking forward to this episode.

So we're talking about the Neurodiversity

Celebration Week, which I did not write about in 365 Ways to Feel Better,

Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, because when I wrote this, even

though I'd had a brain scan that showed an abnormality that correlated with

ADHD, I was years and years away from self-diagnosis, let alone actual

psychiatric diagnosis with ADHD.

But I think the whole world has woken up to

the fact that we are not all the same and it's a good thing and that there's

nothing necessarily wrong with anyone. It's simply about differently wired

brains and about conditions that support us rather than trying to fit round

pegs into square holes, in which case everyone comes out feeling like if you're

not completely normal, like what's normal, that there's something wrong with

you. And I'm thinking it's not that long ago that left-handed children would have

their hands tied behind their back to force them to write with their

non-dominant hand. How sadistic was that?

And I think for us late diagnosed ADHDers,

there is that mourning and that grief and that loss and that rage around how

different entire lives could have been had we known, but also if the world were

different and if the world were more set up. Even now, kids struggle having

accommodations made for them even though the accommodations would support

everyone, not just the neurodivergent children.

We wanted to just share a little bit about the

things we celebrate about our differently wired brains and what we'd like to

see more of for everyone.

Yeah, I love this. I love this topic. It's

definitely something I really do celebrate. I think even before I even thought

I might have ADHD, I used to love this part of me that could hyper-focus and

get so much done and learn so much about a topic. I did really well in certain

areas because of this. I used to call it my superpower and my friends, my

family say you're like superwoman, but I almost like over-identified with that.

So then, you know, the times when you have to

rest or you have the bit of the ADHD burnout, I would really berate myself, you

know. But now I think I've found the balance of I'm celebrating this, but also

recognising I need the downtime as well, the recovery period. Yeah.

Just for those of you who don't know, Jayne is

incredible. Not only is she a busy psychotherapist, she's Vice Chair, my deputy

on the Editorial Committee for the Irish Journal of Counselling and

Psychotherapy (IJCP), and she is doing her PhD. I don't know if you

want to say a tiny bit about your PhD and the amazing study you're a big part

of?

Yeah, well, just very briefly, I suppose, as I

was on your podcast before (episodes 28, 42 and 45) talking about food and

mental health and wellbeing.

So that's kind of the area of my study: How we

can use food to support us to feel better. And not just in terms of the actual

nutrition from the food, but also our relationship with the food, the

relationship it has to our culture, our identity, our social lives and the

social aspect of food. And so, yeah, I'm doing a PhD on that. We'll see how it goes now. We'll see how

incredible I am. I'm only a few months into it. We'll see how the burnout goes.

Well, this is it. I think knowing you as a

friend as well and knowing your schedule and just thinking, oh, my God/dess. And I also know that people hear some of what

I'm doing, which I consider completely normal. And they'll be like, oh, my God/dess,

what are you doing?

I've learned to build in rest. Like in my desk

diary, I've used purple highlighter to like carve out like a long lunch break

as many days as I can for a longer yoga nidra. I've used like pink highlighter to take (most) weekends off because

for so many years I was doing overlapping trainings in different types of

therapies and coaching and so much.

It's that challenge to honour the whole cycle,

not just the hyperfocus, but the burnout, the days where getting dressed just

feels impossible.

Yeah, I even booked a few nights away from

myself, you know, in Kerry last week, just so I could hyperfocus. And then I had the downtime after and it's

just, yeah, I think celebrating it is working with this rather than

expecting yourself to be either really super focused all the time or have it

act like someone who has a neurotypical brain or whatever that is. It's just

allowing it, working with it, like you said.

Yeah. And like when you said acting like

someone who has a neurotypical brain, I think like so many of us, we only know

our own brains. I mean, I grew up being called weird, but mostly in a friendly

way. And I was

happy to identify as a weird, but I think understanding where it's like, life

could have been so different.

But things like around nutrition, I remember

learning a good bit as part of my yoga therapy training, and how important it

was for developing brains. And like, I remember back then, in my 30s, then

thinking, oh, it's too late. I should have been eating better. I was vegetarian from the age of

like 11 or 12 and I didn't like vegetables. And I was pretty much malnourished. I had a growth spurt when I went

back to eating meat for a while at 17! I've been vegan now, since 2017. And I do eat much better but there is still

that strong, kind of like the questions around food were really like, oh, wow,

I really thought that was just me. Whereas now I celebrate the mushing up of my

food. And like,

sorry, loved ones who happen to be with me. But it just tastes so much better

like this.

Yeah, absolutely celebrate the differences,

you know, rather than trying to hide them or trying to change them.

Yeah. Like how important it is with ADHD to

have protein with breakfast. Like before we started our recordings today, wholemeal

toast, peanut butter, little bit of Vego (vegan chocolate spread) and mushed

banana. And it's

like, I spent decades being told by everyone, I should be having proper

breakfast. When I was at school, I might have ice cream for breakfast or

bourbon biscuits. And it's like, don't tell me what to do.

That's defiance. Yeah. Pathological Demand Avoidance.

Yeah. Even from myself! But I think

celebrating is even like saying, ‘Oh, well, that demand avoidance actually

served me in some situations. Yeah. And recognising now like, nope, I'm giving myself that protein

now, like at 49, I hope to have many, many decades to come and I'm doing what I

can to rectify that. And it is never too late, actually.

It's never too late to start eating well or

taking care of yourself or speaking to yourself more kindly or celebrating your

differences or whatever it is.

We're going to talk a bit more about what we

do to celebrate neurodiversity for the Half Moon recording, which if you would

like access to, you can subscribe for free at evemc.substack.com. You'd think

I've said this enough times. You'd think I'd know it off by heart. Well, I do know it off by heart. Compassion.

So hope you can join us there.

Thank you for listening to this so far. Jayne,

anything to add before we move to that?

I've lots to add, as I always say, I've lots

to add. Yeah, I think just celebrate it, own it, you know, allow it, accept it. It's not going to change. You might as well

work with it and make space for it. Yeah.

Thanks a million. Thanks. If you're a Half

Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, trauma- informed and ADHD-friendly Self

care, you'll be getting a special recording where Jayne and I continue our

conversation and talk about the importance of owning the ADHD and any other

things.

How even talking about it reduces the shame we

still often feel around certain traits. I hope you find that helpful. And for Full Moon and Supermoon members,

we go into more depth celebrating our differently wired brains, at least some

of the time, a lot of the time, but we're human. I hope you enjoy it.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The

Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I want to help as many people as possible with

trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself to connect with your Self,

with that uppercase, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful,

brilliant, miraculous part of yourself and to become more fully embodied at

peace and at ease in your own skin. To help me do this, if you can think of

someone who might benefit, please share it.

And if you haven't already and would like to,

you can subscribe, comment, rate, review. This episode, like all of them so

far, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Thanks again

for listening.

And if you'd like more on this week's theme,

you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Soul to Soul

Circle at evemc.substack.com. Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net. Each week,

Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to

support balance and harmony. So it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast

theme. And then the following day, Full Moon and Supermoon members get

additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting,

really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel

safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know

to do, perhaps, but just supporting you and taking those steps.

Let me know if any of that is of interest, and I hope you have a gorgeous day.

NEXT WEEK: ADHD TERMINOLOGY EXPLAINED

33 self-care ideas for World Sleep Day

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0100

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Soothe your ruminating mind, again, especially with ADHD or trauma histories, getting away from all the catastrophic thinking, the stressful thoughts that are kind of putting you in Stress Response rather than Rest/Digest mode, allowing yourself to have something really easy and accessible to redirect your brain from those ruminating, catastrophising thoughts into something.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes-Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know can be so challenging at times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. If you sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle, you can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing https://selfcarecoaching.net/book

Hi, welcome to episode 49 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. We're celebrating World Sleep Day with lots of holistic tips to experiment with. See what works for you, you know what's best for you. Some of them might appeal, some might not, they're all offerings. I've already recorded half of this and it turned out I didn't record it, so I'm starting again. In my imagination what I'd recorded was golden, so I'm just going to do my best to make it as good as possible.

#1 Set a positive intention around what sleeping well means for you

We often think about what we don't want to feel like, so tired, cranky, exhausted, drained, depleted. Think about what you actually do want. Think about how you want to feel when you wake up, like energised, refreshed, recharged, alert, feeling well, enthusiastic. Make it as vivid as you can for yourself, which leads on to…

#2 Visualising what you want

Worrying is exhausting for our nervous system and it's really easy to do. We get into rumination mode and especially with trauma histories or ADHD, it's really common. So replacing worry with imagining what you want is a discipline. It will get easier and it's the ideal thing to practice when you're trying to get to sleep.

So thinking about what you do want. So it might be a great night's sleep or it might be something you want in your life. It might be a holiday you're looking forward to. It might be something you're looking forward to in your relationship or work or with your home or travel or whatever it might be. Use images. I mean, thinking about counting sheep, you don't have to count sheep.

You can think about something you actively want, put that into images in your brain. That's going to move away from the more language-based thinking, which is more like kind of for the daytime and it encourages sleep, moving into that image-based thought pattern. So win-win. You're more likely to move towards what you actually want and also it will relax you and help you sleep.

#3 Make your self-talk soothing

Even if you feel like you're lying to yourself. Now I don't advocate lying lightly, but in this case I do. Even if you feel like you're going to be shattered tomorrow, imagining that now is not going to help you. And it's going to keep you awake rather than helping you sleep. It's going to inhibit any sense of Rest Digest parasympathetic activity.

Even if you feel like you're lying to yourself, imagine yourself as a beloved puppy, baby, kitten, goat, whatever, something you love and talk kindly to yourself about how no matter how tired you might be, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. This helps calm the amygdala and make sleep more likely.

#4 Relax your breathing

It's something really simple and has an enormous impact. So a deeper breath and a slightly longer exhalation helps to calm the nervous system. You can count if you want to, maybe in for one and out for two or three, or in for two and out for three or four, or simply sense it. If you're like me, numbers are not relaxing. Do what feels good for you, but aim for that deeper breath, that slightly longer exhalation.

You can find more breath practices and more in-depth on this at selfcarecoaching.net forward slash book and go to the book bonus videos. So it helps to remind yourself gently every time you notice that your attention has wandered from the breath and gently bring it back, but with compassion and with a congratulations for noticing.

#5 Make your bedroom as comfortable as you can

Think about your sleeping arrangements and think about yourself seeing them for the first time. We get desensitised to things that might be inhibiting sleep so walk into your bedroom now if you can, or just imagine it. Think, if your priority was amazing sleep, what would you be taking out of the room or at least making less visible?

For some people, you don't have a separate bedroom. I lived in studio flats for years in Cardiff and London. You might be in a bedroom in a shared house. You might have to work from your bedroom.

I started my practice from my bedroom, like I had a little desk at the foot of the bed, so it might be a sleeping area. I lived in teeny tiny studio flats for a really long time. But having some sort of division, whether it's through lighting, whether it's through furnishing, whether it's through colour, but also keeping it as sleep welcoming as possible.

Take a friendly eye rather than a critical eye and ask yourself if your aim were better sleep, what might be most helpful here and how can you do that for yourself?

#6 Experiment with aromatherapy

Aim for quality oils. You don't want any of the toxic scented candles or sprays. And unfortunately we live in a world where a lot of these things that look like they're good for us are actually filled with chemicals that you don't want anywhere near or below. Look into that and experiment with scents that you naturally find relaxing. Lavender has been shown to work for many people, but if you don't like lavender, don't use lavender. Experiment with what works for you. And over time, if you have a blend, work with that. I use a blend of lavender, rose, frankincense and geranium. It's something I've been using for nearly two decades now.

It helps me anchor that sense of being ready for bed. Find a blend that works for you or simply use lavender or any one scent, make it easy for yourself. But you're again helping to use your anchors around you, using your senses to help you recognise it's getting time to wind down, it's time for bed and allowing yourself to relax.

Take your foot off the gas and prepare for a gorgeous night's sleep. So something else you might want to do…

#7 Sleep inducing yoga

I used to teach Sleep Yoga classes every week, for a long time, at the golf and country club I used to teach at in Essex before I moved to Ireland.

#8 Longer yoga nidras

I also want to remind you that while it can increase dopamine, while it can be really yummy and relaxing and also help us make progress towards our goals and working with our sankalpas, it can, especially if you're a bit agitated about not being able to relax with trauma histories or with ADHD, it can feel quite anxiety provoking.

It's about really being friendly with yourself, starting with a shorter yoga nidra perhaps, experimenting with different voices. There are loads you can try on my YouTube channel, it's under my name, Eve Menezes Cunningham, or at selfcarecoaching.net.

I'm going to be sharing a Sleep Yoga abbreviated sequence that you can do on your bed for the Full Moon and Supermoon members as this week's bonus deeper dive. And an EFT tap along for the Half Moon free subscribers. Because these are things you can do on your bed or under the duvet, which just help to soothe the nervous system, help to prepare the body and mind for sleep.

And they're lovely practices, I do some sleep yoga many, many nights. It's just that getting ready and it helps you stay more comfortable, especially kind of post menopause. And if there are any kind of aching joints, the more you can work with your whole body, the easier it is for your mind and your body to relax.

So we touched on yoga nidra already. And I think I've said at selfcarecoaching.net and just type in yoga nidra, or through the Sole to Soul circle, there are bespoke ones for each theme for the Half Moon and for the Full Moon and Supermoon members.

#9 meditate or pray

Something as simple as breathing in and thinking calm and breathing out and thinking calm, or any other quality you choose. Breathing in, breathing out, doing this for three minutes or longer can help elicit the Relaxation Response (Episode 39). I'll link to the Relaxation Response episode in the show notes.

You can also use any kind of familiar and helpful meditation and prayers, whether you pray to God, Goddess, the Universe, Divine Love, Source, whatever works for you, Nature. It's about getting out of your ruminating mind again.

Especially with ADHD or trauma histories. Getting away from all the catastrophic thinking, the stressful thoughts that are kind of putting you in Stress Response rather than Rest Digest mode. Allowing yourself to have something really easy and accessible to redirect your brain from those ruminating, catastrophising thoughts into something more time to let go and let God, Goddess or whatever you believe in.

#10 Tap your sleeplessness away

As I mentioned, there's a tap along, an EFT Tap Along for sleep for Half Moon members (free subscribers). If you're not already and you want to sign up for free, it's at evemc.substack.com. You can also access loads of free EFT Tap Alongs for other things at selfcarecoaching.net/services/EFT

There are also other people who do Tap Alongs and other Emotional Freedom Techniques. There's more to EFT than just the tapping, but tapping is a wonderful place to start. Also, if you're a member of IACP, there’s the three-hour CPD for pretty much anything you can think of wanting to tap around.

It was intense to record and it's EFT for self-care for therapists and counsellors. So if you’re a member, you get that free and you might want to check it out.

#11 If you're really struggling to sleep, get active

This goes contrary to a lot of the advice about avoiding exercise late at night, but especially with ADHD or trauma histories, it can be really stressful lying there and knowing that you're not going to sleep. Getting up, giving yourself permission to do what your body needs, to do what your mind needs and go for a run, do some push-ups, do some sun salutations, go for a bike ride, jog on the spot or whatever feels good for you. Normally it's about winding down for bed, but there are going to be certain nights where some exercise is going to really help you sleep. So use activity to help you in a way that feels friendly for you.

#12 Step away from the bed

When you're lying awake for hours, the bed begins to feel far from comforting. After any kind of length of time that feels good for you, give yourself permission to get up.

You're not a child being sent to bed. You get to do what's right for you. You might want to do some light pottering or whatever feels like a break from trying to get to sleep. Give yourself that break and return to bed when you feel ready.

#13 Do a body scan

There are many online and you can also type body scan into the search tool on selfcarecoaching.net for some from me. Aim for stillness as you notice the most prominent feelings you become aware of as your awareness moves from part to part. For added TLC, you might want to thank each body part as you move up from the toes to the top of the head. This is super simple, just, ‘Thank you toes, thank you feet, thank you ankles, thank you calves, thank you shins…’ and so on. Just moving up, just sending a bit of love, sending a bit of gratitude to the only body you'll ever have.

#14 Notice the sounds and the lights

Notice if there are tweaks you can make to help your body prepare to wind down for sleep. I started dimming light hours before I went to sleep because this really helps me later on. You might have something soothing that you begin to listen to. Experiment, but again you're training the brain to recognise certain sounds and lights and smells. Ah, it's time to wind down. It makes it easier. It's just much, much easier.

#15 Become a sleep detective

Notice all the things that support and hinder sleeping well for you. Log them and examine the logs for patterns. Make tweaks to your behaviour and log the results of those too. Treat it like an enjoyable experiment. We’re all different. Honour YOUR body's wisdom by really listening to clues. What works for me might not work for you. What works for someone else might not.

#16 Avoid caffeine

Prime example, many people avoid caffeine in afternoon, as in after midday. Some people can have a caffeine, a coffee right before bed and it has no impact on their sleep or even calms them down. Caffeine can mimic stimulant medication for some people with ADHD. If you're fine with an espresso right before bed, go for it. Notice your response to caffeine. Notice what is going to support you in better sleep for you.

#17 Avoid raw fruit and vegetables before bed

It makes me laugh a bit that when I was doing my specialist sleep training, oh God, over a decade ago now, I was really like, OK, avoid salad before bed. I didn't use to eat salad at all back then, but it was like salad bad, raw fruit and veg bad. Chocolate absolutely fine.

You might be fine with a salad before bed or you may notice an impact, but the idea is that you want to eat long before you go to bed so that the Rest Digest Response is focused on rest rather than digesting. Raw fruit and vegetables can be harder to digest than something more gentle on your stomach if you are hungry, because equally you don't want to go to bed hungry and then be up because you're hungry. Again, notice, like some people keep a banana by the bed or really easy snacks to have. Have things that support you and your sleep. Get curious about what works for you.

#18 Aim to eat at least two hours before bed

Again, working with your physiology, we know that we're supporting the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system and aiding that Rest Digest Response and therefore sleep. It makes so much sense. Why make life tougher for yourself? And also there are going to be nights where you can't and that's fine. None of this is about being rigid.

It's about noticing the things that really support you and that you want to implement as often as possible and then things that you can get away with, but it's knowing yourself.

#19 See if a warm bath or wearing socks in bed helps

It might sound silly, but body temperature can have an enormous impact on our ability to sleep soundly. Some people need to be cooler, so it might be a matter, especially around menopause and hot flashes, it might be about opening windows. It might be about wearing less, it might be wearing more. Having layers, making life as easy for yourself as possible. You know yourself best and sometimes it might be that you're too hot, but you like that cosy feel. Experiment.

#20 Notice the impact of screen time

Some people really benefit from switching off the TV and all devices hours before bedtime.

Experiment with what works for you and create pre-sleep rituals that support your sleep. Other people fall asleep, especially with neurodivergence, it can be really beneficial to listen to a podcast as you're falling asleep or favourite music or some people audiobooks or old TV shows that don't overstimulate.

It's again, give yourself permission to experiment. These are cues that you might want to play with.

#21 Choose something to read before bed that will be soporific

So something that's sleep inducing. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you enjoy it and it's soothing enough for you to prepare for sleep. In time that genre will become an anchor for aiding sleep.

When I first got over my insomnia in my 20s, I'd been really terrible insomniac from primary school, like the age of six or so, until my 20s and I began reading crime fiction. So like Sue Grafton, Sara Paretsky, Linda Fairstein, really gruesome stuff in some cases. And I'd read a few pages and fall asleep. One day I was reading a bit on the Tube back in London and my eyes got really heavy and I realised I'd anchored crime fiction with sleep.

I read crime fiction before bed every night for over a decade and then all of a sudden it was like, ‘Oh, this is really gruesome!’ and I stopped. I think, looking back, it was helpful for me to have something more engaging for my brain rather than something that might be more stereotypically designed for sleep.

I'm again sharing that just to help you think it might be a memoir, it might be a children's book, it might be a textbook if you're studying, it might be, really experiment with what feels indulgent, what do you want to curl up in bed with and do that, experiment with it.

#22 Journal

It's a wonderful way to take stock of the day and ease into visualising tomorrow or a more distant future that you're working towards. And also for just unloading, unburdening your brain, letting yourself get it out, externalise it and be ready for rest.

#23 List all the things you're grateful for (or even three)

There are so many studies around the benefits of gratitude and it's a lovely habit to get into. It's not about forcing it though, there are going to be nights where you're feeling too angsty to feel any gratitude and be kind to yourself.

But where you are able to, where it becomes habitual, it really is so beneficial and it just feels lovely. You might, if you share a bed with another human (I'm saying that as opposed to cats. They do not talk back to me in that regard. They don't share my gratitude practice, but they are part of my gratitude practice for sure because I'm so grateful for them), if your partner's there or if maybe you have housemates, before you go to bed, you might want to do a gratitude practice together. Energising it, like talking, keeping each other on track, just saying out loud what you're grateful for as well as potentially journaling it. It can all be really affirming and it helps, again, move away from that ruminating mind that's going to prevent sleep more towards happy, pleasant thoughts.

#24 Play with afformations

So not affirmations, afformations are more questioning. So for some people, affirmations can be quite homicide-inducing in terms of not acting on it but feeling a bit homicidal because it's like, I don't believe myself. I would love to say, for example, I sleep with ease and joy.

And if you're chronically sleep-deprived, you might want to stab yourself or someone else for even suggesting such a thing because it's such a hideous...

Cattitude: Purr! Hiss! Freeze! Polyvagal informed self care for trauma and/or ADHD. With cats

Tue, 04 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +0100

This week, we’re making Polyvagal Theory even simpler with the help of Rainbow MagnifiCat and your own beloved animals.

I developed Cattitude (aka Cat Coaching and Feline Better Every Day) after adopting Rainbow MagnifiCat from the rescue cat shelter in 2013 and realising how attending to her nervous system, practising what I had learned about Polyvagal Theory and other trauma-informed therapies was helping me (and later clients and groups).

With ADHD and/or trauma histories, your extra sensitive nervous system can be a gift when you treat your whole self with compassion.

In this week’s episode, this simple but effective practise, adapted from Deb Dana’s Befriending your Hierarchy exercise (from her book, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection, Norton) is a wonderful way to build on what you’ve started from last week’s dopamenu episode (and deeper dives in the Sole to Soul Circle).

It really works. Simple Cattitude.

Am really looking forward to hearing how you get on with it.

le grá,

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Rainbow is part of my branding so I do probably have a disproportionate number of clients and supervisees who love cats but it works with any kind of creature and it just I love seeing people's faces change as they embody that sense of care for themselves that they've already been giving to their cats or dogs or toddlers or others they love. I love seeing the way people light up and I love that kind of eventual recognition that of course they deserve, of course YOU deserve the same compassion and tenderness and care.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month and you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Hi, welcome to episode 48 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. For today's episode I want you to grab a piece of paper and a pen and get ready to improve or even transform any issue that you've been struggling with just by befriending your nervous system more.

We're taking inspiration from cats to work with Polyvagal Theory in a really simple but fun and effective way. I started the whole Cattitude element of my work years and years ago after I brought Rainbow Magnificat back from the cat shelter in 2013. I'd learned about Polyvagal Theory doing my yoga therapy for mental health training and, as I realised how Rainbow was helping me embody it, I created Feline Better Every Day and cat coaching.

So much of what I have done with Rainbow and now with Meadbh, and Teri Crews Cat and Angel Houdini, helps my nervous system as well as seeing the enormous improvements with them. Angel now lets me hold him and purrs at me! And then looks at me and remembers, oh no, he's feral and runs away. But there's something transformational about talking to ourselves as if we were a beloved cat, kitten, puppy, toddler, someone, another mammal.

I often say lizard as well, I know they're not mammals, but find something that you love. I'm going to slow down and I'm going to read from the script because there's so much I want to include, I don't normally use a script.

But basically we humans have very similar nervous systems to cats and by thinking in terms of cat coaching or Cattitude or Feline Better Every Day, it hopefully takes some of the jargon away and makes it less scary. Because all of this is common sense.

Stephen Porges has done a phenomenal work and Deb Dana is making it more accessible and so many other people are taking Polyvagal Theory and running with it. But the reminder is that you deserve the care, kindness, curiosity, tenderness and compassion that you'd give a beloved cat, kitten, toddler, puppy, etc. So you can find out more at selfcarecoaching.net/feline.

For now, just imagine cutting yourself some slack and think about something that is a stressor in your life, whatever it is you're feeling. All of us can benefit from paying more attention to our nervous systems and instead of trying to suppress all that wisdom, instead of trying to override it to really pay attention.

Especially for people with trauma histories or ADHD with more sensitive nervous systems, we've grown up often being told we're too sensitive, there's something wrong with us, why are we so dramatic?

I still get it now. I'm 49 and loved ones mean well, but they will tell me to not get sad about things but I've learnt to honour my nervous system. And that's absolutely fine. But growing up, it can be really confusing. And when you're younger, so it's really remembering as adults, or at any age, if you're younger watching this, you have a right to honour your nervous system.

And there's no need to be talked out of knowing what you're feeling. And you're not too much no matter what you're feeling. So this practice is adapted from the lovely Deb Dana book, Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection.

It's the Befriending the Hierarchy exercise. But I'm using Feline Better Every Day terminology, Cattitude terminology, to help you think more easily than thinking in terms of ventral vagal wellness, or sympathetic nervous system, or a lot of the things I talk about a lot, but for this, or dorsal vagal. So Deb Dana is wonderful.

Stephen Porges's Polyvagal Theory changed my life. And I used to have anxiety dreams about the terminology. But it is so gorgeous.

If you are interested, and you go to that Feline Better Every Day page on my website, I'm linking some resources there for you as well. Check out Deb Dana's work as well. And also there are many interviews with the fantabulous Stephen Porges online.

You don't need to freak yourself out with heaviness but it's such a beneficial framework. And I'm hoping that the inspiration from my rescue cats will help you.

Even after all these years, more than two decades of integrating different therapies, and a decade of using more than a decade of using Rainbow Magnificat to support some clients as well as myself. And I love it when clients and I mean, I used to have Rainbow as part of my branding, so I do probably have a disproportionate number of clients and supervisees who love cats, but you can use any kind of creature. And I love seeing people's faces change as they embody that sense of care for themselves that they've already been giving to their cats or dogs or toddlers or others they love.

I love seeing the way people light up. And I love that kind of eventual recognition that of course, they deserve of course, you deserve the same compassion and tenderness and care. It's a transformative I know for me, I've had years of therapy as part of my training.

I'd had coaching, I'd been doing all these things on myself. But it was when I started working with Rainbow's nervous system, when I brought her back from the shelter, and she was terrified. And me softening my tone of voice for her using Polyvagal Theory knowledge to keep me doing it.

And it softened my own tone of voice towards myself. So even now, if I like drop something and break it, like thinking, ‘Oh, I love this glass, I've had it for 20 years’ CRASH. In the past, it would mean like, ‘Oh,’ I'm giving myself a hard time. Whereas now it's just like, ‘It's OK, Evei Cat’ cleaning it up and just honouring the disappointment, but not making it worse by my reaction to it.

You might want to paws this recording as you think about something in your life that is challenging for you right now. Whatever it is, large, small, I'm not going to stress you out by having you pick something at a certain level, just an issue that you're ready to transform, and get that paper and pen. So draw a line through the paper length ways.

Through the middle. And then write the issue you want to improve. I haven't written an issue, but on that middle bit there, if you're watching this rather than listening to it, and then draw three columns going down and another column at the top.

So you've got Purr! Hiss! and Freeze. So Purr is the first one, and that corresponds to the ventral state that we're going for. That real sense of embodied wellbeing. That ventral vagal wellness. And I'm not going to go too much into that right now.

Just write down Purr! at the top, write down Hiss! in the middle, and that's for the stress, sympathetic activation, but not only the excited, energised, motivated, sympathetic like we need all of it. We need that motivation. We need sympathetic activation for the nervous system.

There's a lot about encouraging more parasympathetic activity, which is great in this 24-7 society we live in, but sympathetic activation definitely has its place. All of these ways of being have their place. There's no right or wrong.

It's just helping you befriend your nervous system and get to know your hierarchy. And I hope that this helps. In the third column, write Freeze. That's the dorsal vagal. So it's the hybrid of the parasympathetic and sympathetic, because there has to be some sympathetic activity in order to not be completely collapsed, some vagal tone.

But at the same time, there's an enormous sense of overwhelm. And it's not the most pleasant, and especially with trauma and with ADHD, you might feel it.

This is about getting to know your nervous system. And this is about working with it and recognising even when you feel completely overwhelmed, you have choice, you have options. So once you have drawn those lines, start thinking. Just because I was just talking about it, think about a time when you felt completely overwhelmed, a time where you felt just like you were just sitting down or lying down, unable to do the thing you'd intended to do or wanted to do, or thinking about doing, you're just in that state of it's too much.

As you even think about it now, notice what you're aware of in your body, notice how you're feeling, notice any thoughts, notice any emotions that crop up, any shame, any guilt, any palpitations, anything at all, any heaviness, any lightness, just any temperature, just make a note of it.

This is about befriending yourself, knowing that there's rich, rich, rich, rich information here for you. So just think even as you write about it, as you think about it now, where in your body do you feel that sense of freeze most strongly? How do you know, like what's your posture like? You might want to embody it for a moment, lie down, sit down, connect with that sense of sometimes hopelessness. It's okay, I’m not going to leave you there.

Okay, so you may want to paws and keep writing, but to carry on, thinking about when you're more in Hiss! mode, so the pictures I'm choosing, they're the cats yawning, but it looks like they're roaring, but they're not.

Thinking for yourself, how do you know that your sympathetic nervous system has been activated, that you're in stress response? What is the tell tail (geddit?) sign for you? How do you know, do you have any kind of chronic condition that flares up? Does your stomach let you know, like do you need to get to the loo quickly? Do you flush? Do you like kind of get very hot or very cold? Like how do you know that you're stressed out and it goes beyond that positive eustress and into more distress?

What are the thoughts, emotions and somatic sensations that you're aware of here? Just again, using your body as information, so maybe pawsing this recording and making a note of as many Hiss! symptoms as you can think of.

And when you're ready, coming on to the Purr! So imagining yourself in embodied well-being mode, ventral vagal wellness. How do you feel when you're in Purr! mode? I've noticed even just mentioning it, I've gone all soft and floaty and relaxed.

Who are you with as you think about yourself in Purr! mode? We co-regulate, we heal in company, but it has to be company we feel safe, welcome and can thrive with. What are you doing? Where are you? Where in your body do you feel the sense of embodied well-being, this sense of purr most strongly? When might you make more time for it and how more space for it? Again, paws this recording and write down as many symptoms of purring in your body as you can. So different times of day or night and different places, different people, different activities, really make this as easy to refer back to.

Last week we were talking about dopamenus. Add these things to your dopamenu.

So this is where we're moving to the bottom part of the piece of paper and encouraging you to think of what can you do more of in your life, how can you give yourself more time and space to do the things that put you into Purr! mode more often? And then going back to the Hiss! category, when you're stressed, what can you do to support yourself? What can you do to honour that hiss and maybe speak up, maybe get someone to help advocate for yourself, maybe vent with someone else against the co-regulation so important, maybe take time out, maybe give yourself some space to recognise, ‘OK! I'm in Hiss! mode, I'm going to pull the duvet over my head and regroup and let myself be a human and honour my nervous system!’

There are so many things it could be and we're going to be going into this in more detail with the Half Moon and Full Moon memberships, but for now, paws the recording and just list everything you can think of that could help you.

Exercise is a wonderful way to get it out of the body, swimming is my medicine, honestly, or sometimes a bike ride, sometimes a brisk walk, yoga for sure, but swimming for sure is where I begin to feel human again.

Moving then back to Freeze and thinking what might help you when you're in that mode, feeling at collapse almost, maybe you've actually experienced it, maybe you can imagine it, maybe you're afraid of it, but that sense of overwhelm for your allostatic load, the stress has been too much and it's just too much. ‘Enough! I quit!’ So thinking to yourself what might help you when you're feeling that overwrought, that burnt out, that gone.

You might not believe that anything might help you, but if you were to imagine what might help you and even include superheroes, include magic, include whatever might help you. Write it down and you can, by getting to know these things, you can begin to put plans in place so that you can actually have supports in place when you need them most.

Listing everything, even if it feels unrealistic, even if it feels magical, even if it feels like you don't deserve it, because unfortunately that can be part of how so many of us have grown up that you might know what would help but you don't feel you deserve it. I used to pass out the whole time at school, from 10 to my teens and it used to be so embarrassing but I had no confidence and I was painfully shy and I'd feel myself going and I'd just pass out because I was too shy to draw attention to myself by taking a seat and putting my head below my heart like the doctors told me to.

I didn't understand that it was to do with the blood flow, the circulation, so now if I begin to feel that way I can stand on my tiptoes as I inhale, exhale as I release the heels to the ground and repeat as needed. That begins to get the blood pumping, the circulation going again and now I'd have no problem.

I'd be more scared now (all the times I passed out and hit my head as a kid!) but I was absolutely mortified. And even though I knew that this really basic thing would help, I didn't do it for myself.

It might be that just thinking about the things that you deprive yourself, that you deny yourself, that might help even if you don't fully believe them.

So you have now your notifications from your body when you're in Purr! When you're in Hiss! When you're in Freeze! And you also have some ideas that you might want to add to your dopamenu to help you get more into Purr! mode, enjoy life more, know that joy is your birthright.

Think of a relaxed happy cat, at peace with the world, just knowing that it deserves to be adored and cared for and loved.

Just like you do.

Remember, maybe you have included pets in your Purr! mode and maybe pets help you when you're stressed as well (if your energy isn't freaking them out). Spend a few minutes journaling about these ideas and then go back to last week's episode around the dopamenu and add some of these insights from today to your dopamenu and let me know how you get on. I love hearing from you.

As I mentioned there's bonus material for the Half Moon members (that's the free subscribers at evemc.substack.com) of the Sole to Soul Circle. We're going to be going into more detail with this helping you find imagining a cat, how it always knows the most comfortable spot, how to find that sun puddle. So I'm going to encourage you and those Half Moon members to find sun puddles in different areas of your life.

And then for the Full Moon and Supermoon members, supporting your nervous system and by exploring ways to work with your stress, that positive stress. So if you imagine a toddler, no one needs to tell the toddler to crawl or to walk unless there's been really severe abuse or neglect. That toddler knows how to thrive.

Even with like it's phenomenal what people come through, it's phenomenal how huge the capacity to heal is. But you think about toddlers, how they want to walk, they want to crawl, they want to toddle.

They're not like oh I'm not graceful enough, I keep falling over, all these things.

This drive is within all of us to be whole and to grow and we do fall metaphorically as well as physically sometimes as we expand our comfort areas, our comfort zones. But we're going to go into more of that for the Full Moon and Supermoon members of the Sole to Soul Circle. So they're the paid members, that's from eight euros a month and you can cancel anytime but hopefully you'll find it helpful and not want to.

And you can of course upgrade at evemc.substack.com.

Let me know how you get on, let me know how you found this. Is this something you've applied to your life already? How do you feel at the idea of Purr! and Hiss! and Freeze? Like hopefully it's a shorthand that will work for you. If it doesn't, I encourage you to think about your own.

You know yourself best. Thank you so much for listening. Next week we're exploring sleep and I look forward to sharing more then.

But I really appreciate your time and your comments and your questions and I wish you many, many, many moments of purry pawfection. And remember with all of this, it's a matter of progress, not purrfection. And I have a gazillion other ridiculous cat puns, but I will spare you for now.

Have a wonderful week. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day podcast.

I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and/or ADHD learn how to help yourself, to connect with yourself, with that uppercase, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself, and to become more fully...

Create Your Own Dopamenu

Tue, 25 Feb 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Inspired by Jessica McCabe's How to ADHD (and building on 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing) this week, we're exploring a super simple way to increase the odds of you treating yourself WAY better in those spare moments, minutes and hours...

WATCH HERE

FULL TRANSCRIPT

What I'm talking about here with the dopamine, they've not been measured in terms of how much they increase dopamine production. It's quite a subjective idea. You're thinking about the things that help you feel better, the things that are going to motivate you, the things that are going to reward you.

And the only thing that I can kind of say is science backed is the yoga nidra which studies have shown boost dopamine by up to 70%, which is amazing. Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham. Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self care, which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week if you sign up to the Soul to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as eight euros a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book: 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Welcome to Episode 47 of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Thank you for joining me. And today, we're still working with the idea of sending as much love to your whole self, especially your body, as possible.

And we're working with a really simple way in which you can do more things that help you feel better. When I wrote 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, it was a way to encourage people to trust in their inner wisdom and have so many ideas in one place. They could ask to be guided and open it at random and choose one of the tools.

And if it appealed, great. And if not, they could open it at random again, as well as going by the days of the year or by the index. It's a thorough index.

And before that, and I still do this with clients, encouraging them to potentially have a jar, maybe using colour coded PostIt notes for the amount of time that different self-care activities are likely to take and different levels of energy involved and other variable resources. So you can, at a whim, just kind of dip your hand in, ask to be guided to something that's going to suit you in that moment. And again, it's your choice.

If you choose something that doesn't appeal, you put it back in. And if it does, then brilliant. It helps take all the decision making out of the process every time when you might have suddenly a spare five minutes or a spare hour or a spare afternoon.

And it helps to get those, ‘Yes, I deserve this time, this space, this treat, something that's going to help me feel better’ easily accessible. So I was delighted to come across Jessica McCabe, author of How to ADHD, her dopamenu. Basically, she's created an entire menu for herself and shows readers and people who follow her channel how to do it.

She worked as a server alongside building up her YouTube channel so it kind of makes sense that she would do it. But I just love the image of a menu.

And she talks about having entrees and starters, side dishes, your main courses, your desserts. And once you've got it, making it as visually appealing as you possibly can, having it somewhere where you're going to see it often. And it's like, yeah, I have half an hour there, or I have an hour, or I'm going to carve out two hours or even five minutes.

You don't have to constantly be deciding and thinking from scratch, because we all forget what helps us. And that's part of the reason why I have it all in one place. And she says that's why she started her YouTube channel, to have all her research about ADHD in one place.

For dopamine, dopamine is very important in terms of ADHD. You can read some about it in the book, but you can also easily research it. What I'm talking about here with the dopamenu, they've not been measured in terms of how much they increase dopamine production, it's quite a subjective idea, you're thinking about the things that help you feel better, the things that are going to motivate you, the things that are going to reward you.

And the only thing that I can kind of say is science backed is the yoga nidra, which studies have shown boost dopamine by up to 70%, which is amazing. So you could have a short one like for a side dish, a 10 minute yoga nidra. And I'm going to be including a short yoga nidra for the Full Moon and Super Moon members.

There are lots of longer ones and shorter ones available through my selfcarecoaching.net site and through my YouTube channel and podcast. And obviously the Sole to Soul Circle membership at evemc.substack.com

So you can check lots out for free. But this idea of just taking 10 minutes and it having an impact for hours or half an hour or 20 minutes, it's the same activity.

And you could do the same with movement, you could have as an entree, you could have taking a stretch, just checking in with your body, asking yourself, how do you want to move in this moment and allowing yourself to do that.

A side dish might be a short yoga practice or a mini dance break. A main course for me would be a proper yoga practice and a longer yoga nidra, a swim. A swim always restores me. After the swim or being in the sea, there’s the dessert of getting into the sauna when that's around sometimes and watching an entire episode of something in one go or curling up with a good book without a time limit on how long I can read it for or going to the cinema, seeing an entire film. Sometimes that can feel quite torturous, but it's also really brilliant. A side dish might be 10 minutes of an episode in between doing something, just thinking, ‘Right, I'm going to finish such and such and then I'll reward myself with just 10 minutes’ and that can be really lovely.

Desserts might be things that you know you don't want to overindulge on, but that give you a real boost and they're going to be different for every person. So as I mentioned, there's going to be the bonus content for the Half Moon subscribers. For free subscribers is a special, unique, short yoga nidra and for the Full Moon and Super Moon subscribers this week, it's an opportunity to share with me, I'm really excited about this, share with me your ideas for YOUR dopamenu and if you want to show me what you're creating or what you've created I'd love to see it.

Do check out Jessica McCabe: She is phenomenal. I'd heard an interview with her ages ago and it's only recently that I've started listening to the book and it's again, as I go down this ADHD rabbit hole, the number of ADHD books I've listened to where I'm almost, well I am crying as well as laughing out loud and almost punching the air as I'm driving along like, ‘Yes! Oh my god, I thought it was just me,’ but her approach is so delightful. I'm sure you will love it and learn something from it.

I hope you've enjoyed this episode and learnt from this. I hope you give yourself permission to connect with what feels good for you and that you create as haphazard or as beautiful and sparkly a dopamenu as works for you at this time. You might do it in stages too. An starter version of your dopamenu might be jot down ‘make dopamenu’ or ‘begin creating dopamenu.’

A side dish might be a very rough draft, a main course might be giving yourself, I don't know, half an hour, an hour to really think about and they're going to be journal prompts for the members, what you want to be including and the dessert might be the decorating it and making it look all pretty and deciding where in your home you're going to put it.

We might have it in a mobile version as well so you can keep it with you when you're out and about and you can always find something that is going to help you feel better and that is going to work with your energy levels, with your mood, with your resources at any given time.

Thank you for listening, thank you for watching and please rate, review, subscribe, follow, share, comment whatever feels good for you and I look forward to sharing more next week. CHANGE: WE’RE TAKING INSPO FROM RESCUE CATS AND WORKING WITH THE NERVOUS SYSTEM.

If you subscribe you're less likely to miss it. I will of course be sharing it across my platforms but thanks for listening again and this episode like all of them is produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and I hope you have a delightful week and really notice the things that help you feel good, things that help you feel better, the things where even though you're not literally measuring the dopamine production. You are getting a subjective sense of what really nourishes you, what helps you feel better and you can add that in the appropriate place to your dopamine you. Thanks again.

10 self care ideas from Moana 2: Episode 46 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 18 Feb 2025 07:00:00 +0100

‘It's the abundance of diversity. It's not about tolerating. It's about welcoming…’

Much as I adored Moana, I think I loved Moana 2 even more. And with the current threats to #DEI (Diversity Equality and Inclusivity) in America, it feels like an especially good time to remind everyone that immigration (yes, I’m biased as a daughter and granddaughter of immigrants and now immigrant myself) is A GOOD THING.

I hope you enjoy this week’s episode and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it and the film. If you’d like to read some of the older Sofa Session posts where I take inspiration from other fictional, animated and historic characters as well as current affairs, you can READ MORE HERE

le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

It's the abundance of diversity. It's not about tolerating. It's about welcoming…

It's about appreciating. It's about supporting. So that is one of my favourite themes and self-care lessons from Moana 2.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

I am so excited to be sharing new trauma-informed and ADHD-friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self: that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care, which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week.

If you sign up to the Sole to Soul circle, you can do that for free or from as little as €8 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Welcome to episode 46 of the Feel Better Every Day podcast.

And while I've done many, many blog posts where I've either written open letters to fictional characters or shared self-care coaching lessons from various films and TV programmes, things that are going on in the news, this is the first podcast I'm doing along those lines.

And it's 10 self-care lessons from Moana 2. So it does include some spoilers, but hopefully in the Greek Chorus kind of way, or Brechtian approach, so it won't actually spoil it.

It's such a lovely film, I don't think anything could spoil it.

But what I'm sharing is so vague, it's not going to ruin any plot lines. But I hope it will encourage you to watch the film, enjoy the film and take inspiration from the film like I have.

#1 Know who you are

Moana repeats, ‘I am Moana.’ And even me, I'm not Moana, but even just saying that I kind of sat up straighter. And I'm 49 years old, but I will admit there have been a few challenging times since I saw Moana 2, where I've stood up straighter and said, ‘I am Evie.’

Try it, whatever your age, just ground, check that the feet are fully on the ground. If they don't reach, put something below them, like maybe a cushion, maybe a bolster, maybe a few cushions. Sit up straight, stand up straight.

‘I am… [whatever your name is].’ Notice how you feel in your body. Notice, yeah, you might feel silly, but also connect with who you are and know that who you are is worthy, is lovable, is good enough, is enough, is not too much.

#2 Recognise that there is always another way

So I also have a theory that Moana has ADHD, based on a theory that people with ADHD moved further from Africa as humans evolved, because the ADHD people in hunter-gatherer societies were needed in terms of scoping out newness, scoping out new ways of being. And Moana, of course, being an explorer, very much did that for her people. So lesson number two from Moana 2 is to recognise that there is always another way.

Whatever's going on for you, however stuck you may be feeling, however impossible the odds stacked against you may feel. And I realise I'm regularly taking inspiration from fictional characters, and in this case an animated character. But it's true, there's always another way.

So think about your situation and look at it from different perspectives. If you are into yoga, you might want to play with one or two poses. Just seeing the room you're normally in from those different perspectives can help.

Or even if you're not, you may want to lie on the ground or sit in a different chair. Look for that other way. Don't give up on what you want or what you're working towards.

#3 Immigration rocks

Number three, and my favourite theme from this film, because unfortunately we live in times where this is such an unusual message to be getting, immigration rocks.

From the very beginning, she's begging to find others. She knows that there must be others out there, and this is a spoiler for the ending, but others do arrive and they are welcomed with open arms because her people recognise that their people all have unique talents and gifts that will complement and will add to what they all can.

It's the abundance of diversity. It's not about tolerating. It's about welcoming.

It's about appreciating. It's about supporting. That is one of my favourite themes and self-care lessons from Moana too.

#4 Being of service and kindness

In everything she does, she's so open-hearted and she's strong. She's adventurous. She's powerful and she's always looking out for the greater good. She's not being selfish. She's being of service.

She's being kind to herself as well as to others. So again, notice in your own life, think of ways in which you might be able to do that for yourself.

#5 Even really, really, REALLY annoying people have gifts

Oh my God, I don't know how she managed on that boat with all those irritable people. But she did. (And again, Evie, it's a cartoon. It's an animation.) But it's worth remembering that we all have so much more in common than we do. Those irritations can be overcome.

And it might be a matter of whether it's your partner, whether it's a friendship, whether it's some colleagues at work, whether whoever it is, if you're in community with someone or people who are annoying you, remember, again, changing your perspective, maybe focusing on their gifts, focusing on what unique talents they bring and how you can support them in bringing more of that out and helping them also focus on the greater good. So you will get out of the nitty gritty grr of it all and keep that focus on what you can accomplish when you work together. This is not about staying in abusive, intolerable situations.

It's about those icky, irritating situations. Hopefully you're not trapped on a boat with people who are being really annoying.

#6 Hurt people hurt people

Another theme, number six, is about there being another misunderstood villain. It was something I loved from the first movie and it's something that I love here as well. The fact that basically, whether it's something you're doing yourself or whether it's something you're facing in the world, it can be helpful to recognise that hurt people hurt people. So I'm not again saying… definitely don't be staying in abusive situations.

Set those boundaries, assert yourself, make yourself safe and do it with love. Do it with compassion for yourself and for others involved, recognising that hurt people hurt people. It's a cliche, but it's true.

And the more we can work with our own pain, the less likely we are to project it out. The more likely we are to be able to hold space to help others heal.

#7 Keep the faith and trust the process

So number seven, keeping the faith and trusting the process.

Moana never gave up on finding other people. And every time she had that awful, awful, awful but funny chicken play a prank on her, she was gracious, much more gracious than I would have been. Again, this is partly why I think she might have ADHD.

I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not able to diagnose. And again, she's a fictional character. But I kind of loved how she kept forgetting that the chicken kept doing this and each time she'd fall for it. But she kept the faith. She kept hoping to make contact with others. She didn't give up on it. She didn't think, ‘No one but the chicken is ever going to respond.’

#8 Value what you have to offer

And eventually other humans did respond. So number eight, again, valuing other people's skills and valuing your own skills. Thinking about what you bring to the table and not underestimating it.

Not giving away your bone marrow to be of service too much, but valuing what you bring and giving in that wholehearted way. You're not depleting yourself. You are challenging yourself when needed, but it's all done with grace and with ease and you're looking after yourself through it all.

When I say with grace and with ease, I don't mean to put pressure on yourself to be like a fictional animated character. I just mean to give yourself grace. Let yourself go as easy as possible as you can as you navigate life's challenges.

Again, here, Metta [a Loving Kindness meditation] really helps me.

#9 Transitional objects are not just for babies

Number nine, doesn't matter how old we are, transitional objects can help. They're not just from babies and toddlers.

So they might be a kinaesthetic anchor, something you hold. It might be a crystal. It might be a toy. It might be… Moana used shells that her little sister gave her and she would hold that for courage. She would wear it around her neck. It's something, whatever you're facing, think of something that you can literally hold onto to remind yourself that you're not alone.

And even when you feel you're alone...

#10 Intergenerational healing

So that leads us nicely into number 10, which is remembering that you're not alone to connect with your ancestors in a loving way, to work towards that intergenerational healing of intergenerational trauma. Even if you've had challenging relationships with your more immediate ancestors, and even if you know nothing about that, if you've been adopted or other reasons why you might not know anything about your ancestors.

Imagine yourself supported by a long line of people whose DNA you have within you. You are whoever you are and you carry a part of them. Imagine their pride in all you're accomplishing and all you're dreaming of and let yourself feel that support.

For the deeper dive for Full Moon and Super Moon members this week, we're going to do the Dragon's Tail exercise again to help you really connect with that and embody it and move around with that sense of connection. You might remember it from the Lisa Woodruff episode a few weeks ago, and also it's in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

And you can do part of it without, so you can easily join the Sole to Soul Circle if you want to, but you can simply sit and think about where you came from, even if you don't know where you came from and where you come from.

Think about your own life, think about all you've overcome, all the challenges you've faced, all the things that didn't kill you, that might have, as Jessica Jones says, made you stranger, and as Nietzsche said, might have hopefully made you stronger, but recognising that it's time to honour that. To really embody all you've come from, all you've come through, as well as who you have come from. And just notice, again, in your body, how you feel as you think about your parents, if you know your parents and what they went through, your grandparents, maybe some people might be lucky enough to have known their great-grandparents. Think about some of their journeys, some of the stories you know about them.

Moana came from wayfaring people, but that was a few generations before they became landlocked. She reconnected with that in the first film, and she was able to be more fully herself and she was able to save her people. Again, fictional, cartoon, I know, but thinking about what you carry within you and trusting your dreams, trusting your goals, trusting your visions, trusting your impulses, not necessarily acting impulsively, but honouring that what you want is there for a reason, what you crave.

Go see it and let me know what you think

And I hope you enjoy the film if you haven't already seen it. If you have already seen it, let me know what you think. And if you're watching it again, or you are watching it for the first time, again, let me know what you think. And if I missed any lessons you would like to add.

Thank you for listening. Next week, we’re making self care more accessible to everyone by working with the idea of a dopamenu. So creating a way in which you can access something, even when you don't have energy or when you have a lot of time or a little time. It's about helping to make those decisions much easier and I can't wait to share it with you.

If you'd like to get it straight to your inbox, do subscribe or follow via your favourite podcasting app or YouTube or the Substack through the Sole to Soul Circle. And if you are a member of the Sole to Soul Circle, look out for your bonus content tomorrow and Thursday for your deeper dive and more.

Send more love to your ADHD brain and whole self this Valentine's Day (and beyond)

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 07:00:00 +0100

With special guest Jayne Leonard

WATCH HERE

Does the idea of loving your whole self (including your ADHD brain and/or traumatised parts) feel impossible? You’re not alone. In this episode, I welcome my vegan and ADHD friend Jayne Leonard of Vive Counselling back. Our conversation includes shock that we’ve both found it easier to accept ourselves since a psychiatrist gave us permission! Even though this is our WORK. You too may be surprised at how much better your life feels when you amp up that self care, self love, self compassion and self understanding. Even by a tiny bit. It all adds up.

Thanks for listening or watching. I really appreciate it. New episodes come out every Tuesday morning (Ireland time) and if you subscribe (via your favourite podcasting app or by becoming a Half Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle), you’ll be notified about each new episode.

This week, the Half Moon bonus has some ideas for visual and kinaesthetic ‘anchors’ to keep you focused (sorry, I know I hate that word but they really do help). And the Full Moon and Super Moon deeper dive is to help you discern between what’s right for Now You and Future You and all the other Yous…

FIND ME ON SOCIALS

You can find me almost everywhere – please say ‘Hi’ and let me know what questions or comments you have:

YouTube @evemenezescunningham

Substack @evemc

Bluesky @eveimc

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Insta @evemenezescunningham

Facebook @FeelBetterEveryDay

I’d also appreciate you leaving a review and/or rating this and other episodes you’ve enjoyed. Your feedback and support helps me help more people (of all genders) with trauma histories and/or ADHD take better care of their whole selves and create lives they don’t need to retreat from.

OTHER WAYS TO WORK WITH ME

· There’s the book – 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing – and all the book bonus videos.

· All the free resources I share across my platforms and the growing library of self care ideas and practises at selfcarecoaching.net

· You can join the Sole to Soul Circle on Substack (evemc.substack.com) and get bonus content designed to enhance each podcast episode. Half Moon members (free subscribers) get self care ideas to support balance and harmony and Full Moon and Super Moon members (paid subscribers) get more self paced self care recordings to help you support your nervous system and whole Self as you expand your comfort zone to shine even brighter.

· If you want to support my work but don’t want to commit to a membership, even for a month, you can choose an amount HERE

· While my private practice (trauma informed and ADHD friendly therapies, Self care coaching, clinical supervision and supervisor’s supervision) is almost always at capacity, if you’re based in Ireland or the UK, it’s still worth completing the short form at https://selfcarecoaching.net/contact to BOOK YOUR FREE TELEPHONE CONSULTATION in the hope that we can find a mutually convenient time to work together.

TRANSCRIPT

maybe I don't need the reason. Maybe I just need to say, well, I am how I am regardless of whatever it is.

And I'm just gonna allow that. And I do have two small kids and I say, well, they do all these things. And I still say, oh aren't they lovely? They're great. That bit maybe wasn't great, but they're lovely. They're great. So it's trying to do that then for myself.

I love it.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. Sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

So welcome again, Jayne Leonard. Thank you so much for joining me for these ADHD chats around some of the themes we're focusing on. We're both late diagnosed, both diagnosed 2024.

And today you're joining me to talk about for Valentine's Day, self-love, self-compassion, thinking about whatever your relationship status, how the more loving and accepting and compassionate we can be with our whole selves, the more we can offer that to our partners, our loved ones, children, if you have them, strangers, whatever it might be. So welcome, thanks for joining me again.

Thanks, thanks for having me.

So what would you say you struggle with and find easier about self-compassion and self-acceptance? I know you spoke in the previous episode about acceptance, radical acceptance. Would you like to say a little about that?

Yeah, I think sometimes it can be really, really easy. Sometimes it can be so easy and then other times it's just a little more difficult.

I definitely think getting, even realising I had ADHD, which was years ago and I only got diagnosed last year because I said, you know what? I might try some medication, but otherwise I was fairly confident I had it myself. But definitely realising that has made the acceptance even easier. Like just getting that understanding of myself.

Oh, this is why I do what I do. It's not actually because there's something wrong with me or I'm weird. It's because I have this brain and this brain works like this.

And so I wish I had kind of been able to practice that before, but that's a learning I've taken since. And I kind of say now, look, maybe I don't need the reason. Maybe I just need to say, well, I am how I am regardless of whatever it is.

And I'm just gonna allow that. And I do have two small kids and I say, well, they do all these things. And I still say, oh, aren't they lovely? They're great.

That bit maybe wasn't great, but they're lovely. They're great. So it's trying to do that then for myself.

I love it. And that tone of voice with Polyvagal Theory, it's so important. I regularly encourage people to talk to themselves like they would with a beloved cat or child or puppy or lizard or whatever, because we're generally more accepting. But I completely agree. Up until the day I had the diagnosis, I still, part of me thought I was wasting everyone's time.

I'd worked with so many clients who'd gone through the process and so many people had told me that I had it. I had a brain scan in like 2013, around I think 2013, 2014. And it showed an abnormality, which when I Googled it correlated with ADHD.

And back then I dismissed it. But then with perimenopause and menopause, it was like, oh yeah, there's definitely. But up until that day, it's like, I'm wasting everyone's time.

I'm wasting, and she's like, yeah, severe ADHD with combined presentation. It's like, oh. So even though I had massively amped up the self-compassion over the decades of doing this work, but then also realising like kind of self-diagnosing in a tentative way, because I'm a trauma therapist.

I'm not a psychiatrist. I can't diagnose. But I remember us talking when we first met.

We’re both vegans. We both thought we had ADHD. We were both going through that journey, but I'm absolutely shocked at how much easier it has been to accept myself since a psychiatrist gave me permission.

Yeah, I know. Isn't it amazing? It is. I had the same experience, even though I knew, oh, I struggle with focus or hyper-focus or whatever else I do.

Once you understand it through that lens, it's like, oh, that's fine, so. But I think, oh, you know what? You actually could have done this for yourself before. So I've really taken that now, and I'm really trying to say, okay, you're doing this, that's okay.

Yeah, a differently wired brain, just a differently wired brain. And like the other day, I was nearly, this sounds ridiculous, but I was nearly crying, surrounded by piles of bank statements and receipts as I was trying to get my bookkeeping for 2024 fully onto the new accounting system. I've never used an accounting system before, and I've been in the process of it since May, end of May.

And I got there last night, but the day before yesterday, my living room was just covered. And I just felt like all I have to do here is put things in date order and add them to an already created spreadsheet. And it was just like every fibre of my being, like, I can't do it, I don't want to.

And it's like, I can do all sorts of other things. And recognising that, holding space for the part of me that really struggles with numbers, and the part of me that's really good at other things, that finds other things easy. And I think the diagnosis has helped me.

Like, I used to feel like I was cheating a lot. Like if something came easy to me, I'd complicate it, I'd make it harder.

Whereas now it's like, no, some things are really hard. Let what's easy be easy. Yes, yeah. And I actually have had a similar conversation with so many other people who have neurodiversity.

It's like, we do almost feel like we're cheating if it's a certain area that's trickier for us. But yet then you see other people who have no problem asking for help. I mean, all these different services exist because no one person can do it all.

So I think that's, yeah, absolutely proud of. Self-love and self-care is recognizing, I can't do it all and I shouldn't have to. I don't have to.

Why am I trying to make things harder for myself? 100%, yeah. Yeah, how can you make life easier? So we're gonna move into the Half Moon Soul to Soul Circle recording for free subscribers. So if you're not already a free subscriber, you can access that through evemc.substack.com. But for now, thank you so much, Jayne, for joining me.

Thank you.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I want to help as many people as possible with trauma histories and or ADHD.

Learn how to help yourself to connect with yourself with that uppercase, that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant, miraculous part of yourself, and to become more fully embodied, at peace and at ease in your own skin. So to help me do this, if you can think of someone who might benefit, please share it. And if you haven't already and would like to, you can subscribe, comment, rate, review. And this episode, like all of them so far, has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham. Thanks again for listening. And if you'd like more on this week's theme, you can subscribe as a free subscriber or paid member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemcsubstack. com. Find out more at selfcarecoaching.net

And each week, Half Moon members, that's the free subscribers, get some bonus content to support balance and harmony. So it's a bit of a deeper dive into the podcast theme and then the following day, Full Moon and Super Moon members get additional deep dives into helping themselves shine by really supporting, really soothing, really working well with your nervous system so that you feel safe enough to expand your comfort zone and do the things that you already know to do perhaps, but just supporting you and taking those steps. Let me know if any of that is of interest and I hope you have a gorgeous day.

Some self compassion around my own journey with mental health issues

Tue, 04 Feb 2025 07:01:00 +0100

‘If you have tried counselling or you've tried therapy and it has made you feel worse, know that you're not alone. That, unfortunately, is quite common, but fortunately there are many, many styles and many, many different people who can help you’

This special extended episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast was recorded to support you with any mental health issues you might be struggling with by sharing parts of my own journey.

And a) I forgot to mention an enormous part of my own journey – the house fire that led to my PTSD then CPTSD diagnoses and b) I somehow got the date for Mental Health Awareness Week wrong.

I only shame spiralled for a couple of minutes before laughing at my ADHD brain.

With compassion.

And I decided that because this is SUCH a personal episode, I’d share it now in case I changed my mind by May.

Some content warnings:

· birth trauma

· intergenerational trauma

· racism and colonisation

· mixed heritage

· CPTSD

· Insomnia

· PTSD

· misogyny: child sexual abuse and sexual assault

· self-medication (alcoholism)

· trichotillomania (hair pulling)

· suicidal ideation

· disordered eating

· Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

· chronic pain (endometriosis)

· more trauma and

· ADHD

I realise again now that I forgot to mention the perimenopausal and menopausal impacts on my mood, sleep, cognitive function, self image, anxiety etc but because of the horrendous endometriosis symptoms for so many decades, am utterly delighted to be post menopausal – that being said, if you’re struggling with perimenopause and/or menopause, DO get the support and help you need and deserve.

Sending so much love to you wherever you are and whatever you’re dealing with.

le grá,

Evei

Transcript

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

…

Welcome to this special Mental Health

Awareness Week edition of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast. And very unusually

for me, I have a script. I thought I'd do a bit of time travel and share some

love and compassion with my Inner Children and Younger Mes as I reflect on my

own mental health journey from wishing like from 49 now as a trauma therapist,

as a supervisor, as a coach, using EFT, NLP, all the tools I have in my

toolkit, all the self-care I write about and share with groups and that I adore

and that I still see as essential for me.

It's been really interesting reflecting on my

journey with various aspects of mental health. And I thought by giving some

examples from my own life, it might hopefully help you find some love and

compassion for yourself. And maybe some hope - I'm now the happiest I've ever

been.

I have the tools that help me to navigate

life's challenges. And I'm going to send some of that back to Younger Mes, but

I also hope it will encourage you to get the support that you deserve and can

benefit from. So I won't share everything.

And again, I'm sharing that because part of

trauma recovery and working with befriending ADHD brains is recognising that

sometimes we can share more than we then feel good about. And I remember in my

early 20s going through a stage where I felt like a raw nerve and I felt

constantly like I'd shared too much. I was living in a new to me city in

Cardiff, and it was long before social media. Even the internet wasn't even

really in my day to day.

So I'm just sharing that I'm kind of being

careful with myself, I am going to share a lot. And there are some content

warnings around abuse and suicide. So do look after yourself and maybe listen

to this with extra gentleness.

It will be longer than most of the episodes.

But I'm just wanting to encourage you to get the help you need and deserve if

you need and deserve it. I mean, obviously you deserve it, but if you need it,

if you're feeling in any way, shape or like you could use extra support, you

deserve that extra support.

So make it happen in whatever way is

appropriate for you. I want to share hope. I used to feel broken beyond repair

for as long as I could remember.

I didn't know then about Complex PTSD (Complex

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and developmental trauma. I didn't know about

neurodivergence and ADHD. I just, from my earliest memories, felt like there

was something very wrong with me and that things that were easy for others were

a struggle.

We know from Brené Brown and other research

around vulnerability and shame and healing, it's really important to choose who

we share with. So in your case, it might be a trained therapist or coach or a

loved one who you really trust, but really honouring, like work with your

nervous system, move towards what feels good and away from what doesn't.

Retrain your nervous system if you were raised in a way or conditioned in a way

as an adult that has taken you away from that inherent inner knowing, because you

deserve to feel good and you deserve to heal.

And we are wired to heal in community. We

co-regulate. It helps us recover from trauma.

It helps us recover from tiny things as well

as big things. But it really is about having those right energies around you,

people who are loving and welcoming and supportive and safe, not who are going

to use your vulnerabilities against you. So collective care is another element

that is really important.

The better we are at taking care of ourselves,

the more we can, from a wholehearted place, support others. It's the cliche

around putting your own life mask on. Life mask? Oxygen mask, life jacket,

whatever, on first rather than helping.

I love diving. I'm a snorkel member of a

sub-aqua club, but I've been going to all the dive lectures and we have a

secondary breathing device for air supply when we're underwater with our buddy.

And it used to be that if they were in trouble running out of air, you would

give them what's called the octopus.

Whereas now you simply raise your hands and

allow them to TAKE that help that is available rather than risk getting in

their way or giving in a way that isn't helpful. So I think when it comes to

mental health awareness, that's really important as well. You know what's right

for you.

It's much more helpful for you to think about,

in an ideal world, what support would be most beneficial for you rather than

anyone, however well-meaning, deciding that you need X, Y and Z. So collective

care is really important.

It's wonderful to keep an eye out for our

loved ones and people who are struggling, communities on the other side of the

world who need support and help. And we are all connected, it goes without

saying, but you can only really control yourself.

Honouring that and recognising that will make

you better at the collective care element because you'll be helping others then

from that more grounded, resourceful place where you're able to hear what they

actually need and want rather than potentially making things awkward, if not

worse.

I am wanting to start at the beginning and I'm

also recognising that memory, especially when it comes to complex trauma and

ADHD, all memories are unreliable. There are so many different versions.

One thing I'd like to say up front is some of

this might sound quite miserable. I have reconnected with childhood friends

through social media and I've seen old photos of myself and some of them, yeah,

I do look like there was something very wrong and in others I look filled with

joy. So part of my, in my late 40s, healing journey has been recognising that,

yeah, while there was a lot of bad, there was also good and it's really nice to

be integrating all of that now.

In terms of re-traumatising yourself, it's

really about knowing, like, even when it comes to choosing a therapist, if you

decide to go down that path, my earlier experiences with therapy, when I was,

probably the first time was when I was at university and they had it free

through the Students' Union and I just felt like I was failing my therapist,

that I was doing it all wrong.

Then I had some counselling through an Employee

Assistance Programme in my last office job. And it was revolutionary for me,

but again, I had that real sense of not doing it right and feeling afraid that

I was getting it wrong. That I had to somehow, like, compulsively confess

rather than recognising here was a person who was being paid to actually help

me heal in the best way for me.

Like, this is just so radical and I think the

more I've gone down the ADHD rabbit hole the past few years and getting that

diagnosis myself last year, recognising how Neurodivergence Affirming Therapy

is so important because of that RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder).

I just again want to flag that now because if

you have tried counselling or you've tried therapy and it has made you feel

worse, know that you're not alone. That unfortunately is quite common, but

fortunately there are many, many styles and many, many different people who can

help you.

Experiment, explore and find someone who you

feel safe to bring your whole self to. So I hope that as you listen or watch

this, listen to or watch this, that you will recognise that you are worthy,

you're not too much, you are enough and you are completely lovable, that you

deserve care, you deserve to heal and you deserve support and guidance.

Some of what I might suggest Younger Me could

have done with in terms of support that's coming to me now, with the benefits

of hindsight and decades of working in this field, might appeal to you and it

might prompt other ideas for you where you think, ‘Oh no that doesn't appeal,

but yeah I could really use this and that would help me.’

If you're in Ireland or the UK and you want

to, if my approach appeals, you can fill out the short contact form at

selfcarecoaching.net/contact and we can book a free telephone consultation, no

obligation. I am pretty much at capacity the whole time which is brilliant, but

also I do have some availability, so depending on the kind of time of week that

would be suiting you and also what you'd be wanting support with, I will work

with you if I can because I adore this work and also the more I am feeling better

myself, the more my capacity is expanding. But wherever you are in the UK or in

Ireland, in Ireland check out iacp.ie for the directory of accredited

professionals and counsellors and psychotherapists and in the UK and check out

bacp.co.uk and look for accredited therapists or counsellors. And UKCP are

another organisation for psychotherapy but make sure that you're working with

someone you feel good with, make sure you feel able to talk to them, that you

feel safe with them, that you feel welcome with them, that you feel cherished

might feel like too strong a word, but we're working towards ventral vagal

wellness the whole time, we're working with our nervous systems because we're

mammals and it's really important.

I am going to start with the pre-verbal and I

am going to just apologise to my mammy for being such hard work from before I

was born, so she had a terrible pregnancy with me, lost an enormous amount of

weight, nearly died and then a traumatic birth. I was a forceps baby because I

was breech so it was very traumatic for her and it also had an impact on me and

I was ill a lot as a baby, as a small child, in hospital a lot. I think I'm in

a medical textbook for having a classic case of whooping cough that came with

the spots, so that didn't happen very often so there's a baby picture of me in

some medical textbook apparently.

Being the daughter of immigrants as well, my

mother of Indian origin but born and raised in Kenya, so she was a double

immigrant, my dad from Ireland to London. Looking back, I really wish that they

had lived in a friendlier, more welcoming climate and I know things are bad now

and I know things were bad then and I think it's absurd when we're all human,

we're all connected, none of us where we're born or who to.

But it's something I recognise looking back

would have had an impact on the way they raised me and them not feeling 100%

safe and welcome and cherished in their new home country and them wanting me to

be safe. Potentially some of the criticism was trying to keep me safe in a way

they wish but of course with anything like that and I just wish now, I mean I

wish that racism had never been invented by white people to other people in

order to oppress and plunder and colonise and all the rest of it, that's a

whole other story and yet it is a part of all of our history and we are all

dealing with the need for reparations, we are dealing with the need to make

things right and to heal and we need to address those very long ago traumas as

well as more recent.

I'm mentioning it here just for now, all I do

is I send Metta (Loving Kindness) to groups, I send Metta to myself, I send Metta

to my loved ones, to obviously my parents, sending that loving kindness, may

they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease, may they be able to take care

of themselves joyfully, may they possess the courage, wisdom, patience and

determination to manage life's challenges and I know we talked about

Ho'oponopono a few weeks ago:

I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank

you.

That kind of energy clearing, that reminder

that we're all connected and the more we clear our own energy, the more we're

helping at least not make things worse by acting out in rage or upset or hurt

or whatever that might be, so moving on to my earliest memory where I was

around three years old.

I don't have many memories from childhood but

I do remember being burgled coming back from the park and apparently they

didn't take the soap I noticed and my parents were like, they were clearly

people who had even less than we did and we were in Tottenham in London and we

moved after being burgled several times to Essex but I imagine that would have

had an impact on how safe my parents felt as well as me recognising through

money mindset work I've done in like the past decade or so that I grew up with this

sense of it not being safe for me to earn enough or have enough until everyone

on the entire planet had enough because otherwise they might steal it rather

than.

I'm sharing probably possibly too much but

also I just want to share what might be helpful because so much of what we

internalise before we make it conscious and before we take that awareness and

that curiosity and most importantly that compassion to all these beliefs that

are driving us but often without us knowing.

Maybe some of what I'm saying will resonate

for you, maybe some of it will help you and maybe it might make you laugh or

maybe, I don't know, I'm just sharing in case it's helpful. So we moved, that

was my first move when I was three nearly four and my second earliest memory

was, this might sound really inconsequential but it came up when I was

preparing for this, meeting a neighbour who became a friend.

She was a year older than me and she was

confident and she came striding down the front drive when the movers were there.

Now I don't know if it was movers or if we were doing it ourselves but I

remember her asking me my name and me asking her her name and I'd never heard

her name before and I thought oh and she said, ‘That's a weird name’ about Eve

and I remember at like three not yet four censoring myself already having that

sense of it not being okay to express myself and to say I've not heard your

name before either or you've got a weird name too or whatever it might have

been. I just remember that kind of it was okay for her to be a little bit rude

about my name but it wasn't okay for me to do anything that might cause her

upset. So now just sending love to that Little Me.

I think she had a beautiful name I'm not going

to share it now just in case it causes any hurt or upset now but it might be

something again that you resonate with. I changed schools a lot I went to two

different primary schools, three if you count the elementary school in America (we

lived there for a year) and then two different high schools in the UK when we

came back.

There was a lot of changing there was a lot of

kind of reconnecting with old friends, making new friends and feeling like I

didn't have any friends. There were times, I'm smiling now but I remember not

knowing day to day going into school whether my friends would be talking to me

or if they'd have told the whole class to not talk to me which was really

painful because I again didn't know what I'd done wrong.

And looking back I hadn't done anything wrong.

Again with the neurodivergence awareness and with ADHD, it's that understanding

why I was so vulnerable to that and part of why as well as the trauma...

Honouring Brigid and the Divine within you

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Happy Brigid for 1st February! As well as working with the energies of this special time of year, there’s the potential for therapeutic time travel and giving yourself the gift of silence.

https://youtu.be/8ohlnm6jt6k

As we move into February by honouring the Irish Goddess Brigid and the part of YOU (whatever your gender) that is Divine, as well as working with the seasonal energies of the Celtic Wheel of the Year (renewal! Strength! Energy! Creativity!), we’re also exploring (with embodied journalling prompts) past, present and future. And the power of silence!

And to thank Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full and Super Moon (paid subscribers) members of the Sole to Soul Circle there’ll be some bonus content winging its way to your inboxes tomorrow (a Past/Present/Future Brigid Oracle Card reading) and a deeper dive on Thursday (preparing for Brigid with a simple self healing ritual – complementary, ALWAYS SEEK APPROPRITATE MEDICAL ADVICE – for your whole household).

Let me know how you get on.

Le grá (with love),

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

it's really about hope and light and warmth and bringing it back and cultivating it within yourself, recognising that renewal of your own strength and energy and so it's a lovely time of year. I mean, the whole year is a lovely...

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self: That highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. Sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Welcome to this new episode and this new month with the Feel Better Every Day podcast. We're moving into February. I know that it's technically still January, but we're honouring Brigid, the goddess and the saint for Brigid on 1/2/25.

It became a national holiday here in Ireland just last year or the year before, and it just feels appropriate as we move into February content as well as connecting with the goddess or god within you and treating yourself with all the love and care and compassion that you and everyone else deserves.

It's an opportunity to welcome yourself back to your body and to really think in all sorts of ways how would you be treating yourself if you genuinely loved and cared about yourself and always remembered that you are part of the divine.

Brigid, also known as Imbolc, is part of the Celtic Wheel of the Year where we celebrate spring and it's early February, so it always surprises me that we're celebrating spring so early, but it's like those first little shoots of growth, the beginning of the return of the sun and it's really about hope and light and warmth and bringing it back and cultivating it within yourself, recognising that renewal of your own strength and energy and creativity.

It's a lovely time of year, I mean the whole year is a lovely time of year. I'm recording this in January and we've actually got snow outside and it's beginning to melt and seeing those green leaves below it is that sense of Brigid coming in less than a month. But I want you to think for yourself, how would your self care, how would your days be different, what would you be doing differently, how would your environment be different if you knew with every fibre of your being that you are part of the Divine and that you DESERVE exquisite self care and that it doesn't have to be tedious and time-consuming and exhausting, but it can be light and it can be what brings you energy?

You might want to grab a journal, you might want to just sit with it or you might want to do some embodied journaling after listening to this. Embodied journaling, for those of you who aren’t yet familiar with my approach, is recording yourself. You might record yourself on your phone or like video, audio, whatever, but you can pick up a lot of information as you watch back in terms of what lights you up and what do you notice yourself feeling heavier or lighter around.

Following your natural energy, your natural rhythms, your natural cycles is so much more empowering than enduring and forcing yourself and being miserable with it all.

So notice when you think about your own energy being renewed, what pops up for you? Are you like, ‘I don't need it, I'm fine, I'm very energised and all is good’? Or are you feeling like you've been running on empty for ages and does that feel like a fairy tale that it could somehow be renewed?

Ask yourself what might help you feel more renewed, feel more refreshed, feel more energised and let yourself imagine your ideal in terms of if you have all the resources, all the times, all the energy available to you and also what might be actually doable, what might be realistic, what might be one thing or what might be even two things, but create a bit of a spectrum around it, like making it more sustainable for yourself and get curious about it.

Some things that you try, you actually won't need to do them for as long as you might think you need in order to get quite remarkable benefits. And something that's really helping me so far this year, for the past many, many years, I've done an almost annual 24-hour DIY silent retreat where I have no phone, no music, no telly, no washing machine even.

I let myself use the oven and boil the kettle and things like that, but I do my best to be as quiet as silent. I do my best to be telepathic with the cats and I always find it hard going into it around Christmas time, New Year, because we've got more time off and being self-employed, I'm always aware of that.

And I think to myself almost every year, ‘I love that, that was amazing, that was so cleansing, that was so energising, that was so creativity boosting. I'm going to do it every bank holiday or every month!’

And I've never done it at any time other than late January, sorry, late December or very beginning, no, always late December actually. And this year I thought, ‘You know what, Evei? You never do it throughout the year. So rather than tell yourself this all or nothing, like do 24 hours in one go, you got benefits after even an hour just knowing that you had this long stretch of time, you've got in the habit of having your phone on like last thing at night and first thing in the morning.

‘How would it be once a week to give yourself the gift of a 12-hour silent retreat where from before you go to bed until you wake up and then a few hours after that, you have complete silence, no phone, you do your yoga, you do all these things.’

And I can't tell you what a gift it's been.

I'm going to be doing a longer episode around that for December but we're early days but I'm doing it every week so far and it's amazing. So think to yourself, what would be your ideal in terms of what might energise you and what is doable, what is realistic, what is something that you will actually want to gift yourself.

Thinking also in terms of strength, noticing have you been ill, are you recovering from injury, are you simply dealing, like everyone, with a tough few years? It feels like a lot of people, most people are being tested at this time with a lot of resilience building life experiences and challenges both global and personal and like more local.

So think to yourself about imagining yourself at your most vital, your most strong, your most resilient but not you know resilient like bracing yourself for yet more bad, more challenge, more negativity but imagining that strength like the new shoots of spring, having the courage to spring forth through the snow or through the cold, the baby lambs being born. Now I live in farm country, vegan in farm country and seeing like the baby lambs and there's such vulnerability and tenderness and also such strength and hardiness and connecting with that within yourself.

Noticing also when you feel most creative, when you feel most renewed, when you feel most in your element and safe and explorative and warm and hopeful, it might be that you are working on a new book or a new whatever endeavour it might be but that sense of hope, that sense of energy, that sense of knowing that it's a marathon not a sprint and it will take rewrites or the equivalent in whatever medium you're working in.

Even using your life as a creative project because you being alive is recognising you get to design your life in whatever way you choose and allowing yourself to connect with that creativity and to connect with your inner strength, your energy and move towards the environment that feels good for you.

So making tweaks in your home, changing behaviours that get in the way of you feeling creative and fulfilled and building more in, again recognising there's a spectrum with all of this.

Getting curious about it, just really noticing if you believed that you were part of the Divine, you know you are part of nature, you can't help but look around and yes there's a lot of sorrow and there is also a lot of magic, a lot of miracles. If you let yourself remember that we are part of nature and that all that is magical about the new growth, about the spring, about the renewal, about the strengthening, it's all possible and happening within yourself as well.

How can you make space for that? How can you honour what's naturally happening within you and cultivate it and attend to it with tenderness and with care and with kindness and with the awe that you and the world deserve?

Maybe thinking also to, we're going to go in the Half Moon bonus content into a Brigid Oracle Card reading for free subscribers, so if you want to join you can do that at evemc.substack.com but thinking of your own past, present and future.

Thinking about how a time or several times or your life might have been different if you had never forgotten what you were born knowing, that you are Divine, that you are part of the divine and that you deserve love, being cherished, being safe.

You may have ADHD, you may have survived trauma, you may have had many many challenges but you are still so so worthy and so like what would it be like to send some love, to send some acceptance, to send some tools back to Baby You? Child You? Teenage You? different times of your life with that real renewed push of energy and strength and creativity around your own recovery, your own healing, your own personal growth.

I love hearing from you so do comment, message, get in touch through the website thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com or you can listen at the feelbettereverydaypodcast.ie

And I look forward to sharing more with Half Moon and the deeper dive for the Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle but I really encourage you whether you do that or not to connect, oh for the Full Moon members we're going to be going through some simple rituals you can do yourself to honour the time of year, the seasonal energies of Brigid in a few days.

So pay attention to your energy, notice what feels good, notice what doesn't, give yourself permission to go with your strengths, to go with your creativity and let me know how you get on.

I love hearing from you, I really appreciate you listening.

This episode like all episodes so far has been produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and you can listen via your favourite platform so if you subscribe there you're less likely to miss future episodes and also watching on YouTube if you prefer to do that.

I love hearing from you so do rate, review, comment, like, subscribe, whatever feels good for you but most of all whatever the weather's right now, know that spring is coming, know that it's always worth hoping, it's always worth planning for better and taking those steps that you're in control of with so much being out of your control that is likely to bring you the outcomes and the life that you want and deserve to be living.

So thanks again for listening and I will see you next week.

If you are a Half Moon member or Full or Super Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, you'll be getting your bonus material recordings tomorrow and the day after, and you can subscribe for free or a small monthly or annual amount at evemc.substack.com

Thank you so much for listening to this episode and all the episodes you've listened to of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I love sharing them with you and I also love to hear from you. So let me know your comments, your questions and please rate, review, share, comment, like, subscribe, whatever you feel like doing.

This episode was produced by me, your host Eve Menezes Cunningham and next week I'll be sharing some of my personal journey with mental health issues including trauma recovery, ADHD, anxiety, depression, CPTSD and various childhood memories that were good and bad and just looking back. As we talk so often about mental health awareness, I thought I'd share some of my reflections with compassion.

It's a longer than usual episode, but I hope that it will empower you to seek the support that you need and deserve, or for you to be better able to support loved ones.

On Connecting with Your Inner Queen or King with Jayne Leonard

Tue, 21 Jan 2025 07:00:00 +0100

I’m delighted to welcome Jayne Leonard of Vive Counselling back. We’re talking about self care with ADHD and connecting with that most empowered, deserving part of ourselves in order to be of service.

You might remember Jayne from Episode 28 where she helped me reframe cooking from chore to self care.

Today, we’re diving into another self care idea from my book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing

Connecting with your Inner Queen or King

Both Jayne and I were diagnosed with ADHD in 2024 and while this conversation may be especially relatable for other late diagnosed ADHD adults, the ideas can benefit anyone.

And Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle will be receiving bonus content and deeper dives on Wednesday and Thursday.

SUBSCRIBE OR UPGRADE HERE

Being a democratic socialist while also appreciating my (and others’) inner sovereignty

This year, I’ve deepened my connection to my Inner Queen, which has helped me better understand and embrace how my brain works.

Connecting with my Inner Queen helps standing tall and moving towards what I want in life.

It’s not about being above anyone else but about drawing strength to be of service. Jayne shared her connection with her ‘boss self’, inspired by her four-year-old’s natural comfort and ease in her own power.

We discussed how societal messages, particularly for women and girls, can make empowerment seem like ‘being bossy’.

Jayne highlighted the mindset shift involved in stepping into power. Whether presenting to a group or having a client conversation, she notes how being in her empowered state changes everything.

It’s a reminder that confidence can be part of self and Self care, especially for those of us with ADHD who’ve internalised messages of being ‘too much’.

Jayne and I discussed the importance of respect, both for others and ourselves. Respect isn’t about hierarchy; it’s about recognising the inherent worth in everyone—including yourself. For those of us who felt silenced or different growing up, reclaiming our voice and self-respect is a radical act of empowerment.

le grá (with love),

Evei

TRANSCRIPT

diva like, or you're getting that you’re being bossy. Bossy was a word I heard a lot.

You know, but really it's just, I'm actually just making my voice heard. I'm actually just meeting my needs.

And that's not to say you're trampling on anyone else's needs, but you're

absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of your Self – that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at times. I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting bonus content each week. Sign up to the Sole to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a month. And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Do you ever feel like you're being too much and you either consciously or maybe unconsciously, like a default, disempower yourself? If so, this episode, where I have the lovely Jayne Leonard joining me again, is about connecting with your Inner Queen or Inner King, and I hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you so much for joining me again, Jayne.

Thank you for having me.

So Jayne has become a friend. We met through the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy Editorial Committee, and she's brilliant. You might have heard her Episode 28 on cooking as self-care.

And today we thought we would talk about one of the self-care ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, around connecting with your Inner King and Queen. And basically, both of us have ADHD. We were both diagnosed in 2024.

And it's been such a steep learning curve for me. Jayne has helped me enormously. And I thought maybe us talking around some of the self-care concepts I'm sharing might help you, whether you have ADHD or not.

So today, we're talking about the idea of that inner sovereignty, and especially with ADHD. I know myself, I'm 49 now. And I've been connecting with my Inner Queen for many years on and off, but especially this year, as the greater understanding I have, the greater awareness I have around how my brain works, is helping me be less dismissive of many, many things I do.

I still laugh at myself very much. But I also empower myself much more. And thinking also in terms of neurodivergence, and social justice, and a sense of fairness, and all these things that have always been really important to me.

Like even when I say Inner Queen, I mean that part of yourself, that sovereign, that part of you, that whatever it is you want in life, you can stand tall, you can move towards it. Politically, I'm more of a democratic socialist, like I don't think anyone is above anyone else.

But when I connect with that kind of queen energy, and just thinking, like last night, I can stay up late and get my bookkeeping sorted, even though I'm scared of numbers, I can do these things.

So I wanted to just have a bit of a chat with Jayne around this idea, and how we both resource ourselves and empower ourselves with ADHD and in general.

So yeah, so when you when you say Inner King or Queen, at first, I said, Oh my gosh, what is this? I don't understand. But when I thought about it, I absolutely know what you mean.

I just call it a different name. I think I kind of see it as almost me being my full adult empowered self versus maybe my, my child self a little bit, a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit more hesitant. And lately, I think I've been calling it kind of more like I'm stepping into my boss self, because my four year old, she puts her two hands on her hips and says, I'm the boss.

And it just kind of pictures when I look at her, that's kind of how I feel when I step into kind of my full power. I love that so much, empowered by a four year old, because it is that connection that she still has, and hopefully will keep that so many of us lose as we get socialised.

So we, we get disconnected from that inner power. So, yeah, I think we start to see it as almost a bad thing at times. And I'm not sure if that's more in women and girls than it is. Yeah.

And but it's definitely almost a sense of, you know, oh, you're getting a bit like diva-like, or you're getting a bit bossy.

Bossy was a word I heard a lot. You know, but really, it's just, I'm actually just making my voice heard. I'm actually just meeting my needs. And that's not to say you're trampling on anyone else's needs, but you're...

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that's what I really liked when I first came across the idea of an Inner Queen, it being the leadership to serve, rather than to corrupt, or to like, kind of take, but very much drawing on your strength and resources to be of service from a wholehearted way.

And that has to start with self care and self love. So knowing that you're worthy. Yeah, absolutely.

I mean, a queen expects to be cared for. So we do, we have to care for ourselves. And yeah, that's, but even stepping into that power is in itself an act of self care.

Absolutely. Like, when you know you need to speak up for yourself, or do, like, even thinking, like, I was thinking today, I've had for the past however many months since I read James Clear's Atomic Habits, when I say when I read, since I read most of James Clear's Atomic Habits, and I wrote in chalk on some of my internal doors, and I wrote on the side of my medicine cabinet, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU REALLY LOVED YOURSELF? DO THAT. Because it just felt, and that to me is connecting with that Inner Queen energy, like kind of whether it comes to lighting candles before a bath, or eating something nourishing, as opposed to something fast, or like a gazillion choices we make.

His point is, it's those daily habits, those tiny habits, each habit, each action, each behaviour, we're voting for the kind of person we want to become. So again, connecting with that kind of queen or king energy, helping you recognise the power, helping us all recognise the power we have with the tiniest of decisions. Yeah, and I think actually when you say recognising, that's part of it for me, is that I can still be doing the same thing. So I might be giving a presentation, or just having a conversation with the client, but it's that state of mind that determines where I am.

So sometimes I can be doing it and second guessing myself, because I'm in my child state, or whatever. But then when I actually step into my full power, I realise, oh no, I actually am doing a good enough job, you know. But I think it's that mindset of, well you shouldn't be too confident, or you shouldn't be too sure of yourself.

And I suppose that was a lot of messages you get, especially when you've ADHD, you get that a lot, those messages a lot as a kid.

Yeah, and I'm thinking when I was growing up, like especially by my late teens, early 20s, where I kind of became more aware of stuff. My role models were people like Alice Walker and Gloria Steinem, and much older women who seemed very much in their power, but in a real amazing activist kind of way.

Whereas now I have much younger role models like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift, and like Greta [Thunberg], I've forgotten her last name. But so many young girls and women, and boys and men, and people of all genders, but being their whole selves. But I think especially with younger women and girls, because I remember being so socialised, to not be bossy.

I was an older sister

I am an older sister as well, and I was a terrible older sister, my poor little brother. But the idea, it's not valued those same qualities in the same way. And yet the older I get, the more I recognise, it's like there was something about respect the other day on a meme, and how if you see respect as something that people owe you, as you an authority, as opposed to just that everyone deserves respect, then you expect someone else to respect you as an authority before you'll even respect them as a human, as a person.

And it's like, oh my god, that explains so much about what's going on. Everyone deserves respect. Everyone has that power.

I think with the internet, there's a lot of bad stuff, but also more and more people finding their voices. And I'm ADHD ConvoCoaster stuff. Have you heard that meme? No.

Oh yeah, that's just standard ADHD conversation.

No, that's how they go. Yeah.

So, yeah, just the respect stuff, I suppose. That is, it's even back to like the self-respect, just give yourself the respect to have your voice heard. And, you know, because I think a lot of the time we do give, well, I don't know, from my point of view, I would give other people the respect and I would say, oh, they deserve this.

But, you know, it is working extra hard to do that for myself because of maybe a lot of feeling weird or different or strange when I was younger and silencing myself. Yeah. I think you're saying that I went to a VDay conference (VDay.org) in NYC when I first went freelance 2004. So my first ever press conference was with, I got to meet Gloria Steinem but she had to leave but Eve Ensler, Sally Field, Jane Fonda, Elizabeth Lesser… It was amazing. We had activists from around the world, but they had a couple of like media titans who I didn't know because I'm not American, but Pat Mitchell and Pat Black.

But in their session, they were talking about how it's really important in every meeting for especially if you're a woman to speak up no matter what it is you say, just like you say, like getting your voice heard. And I think from an early age, I was always good at speaking up, but like my mother would call me the fool, like in the Tarot deck, like that kind of, and I would do it. And I remember when I was an undergrad, it was kind of like I'd say something stupid in a tutorial to empower and embolden my peers to say something sensible.

And it's probably taken until my late 40s to recognise it's all very well speaking up and being silly, but actually speaking up from a more empowered way as well. There's almost like a rescuing there. No, but I love what we've been talking about so far.

And there's going to be a bit of bonus content for free subscribers to the Sole to Soul Circle and then a deeper dive for Full Moon and Super Moon members. So if you're not already a member, you can subscribe for free or as a paid member at evemc.substack.com. But for now, I'd just like to say thank you so much, Jayne. That's been amazing.

Thank you, Eve.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. If you'd like to subscribe and haven't already, you can do so via your favourite podcasting app. I also appreciate all comments and questions. If you've got any suggestions for future episodes, anything you'd like answered, let me know. And this episode, like all episodes, has been produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. Next week we're working with the Irish Goddess Brigid. It's become a bank holiday here in Ireland honouring the Goddess Brigid and St Brigid. So working with the Divine Feminine and some little rituals to support you in working with the seasonal energies.

I hope you have a gorgeous week.

Lisa Woodruff on organising as Self care

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 07:00:00 +0100

How organising your home and business can revolutionise your life: a conversation with Lisa Woodruff

You can become a Half Moon (free) or Full or Super Moon (paid) member of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com for bonus content and deeper dives into this and other episodes.

If you’ve ever found yourself drowning in clutter, overwhelmed by to-do lists, or unsure how to manage everything on your plate, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle to balance daily tasks, especially when managing ADHD, multiple roles and family demands.

I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Lisa Woodruff, founder of Organize 365, about her journey organising not just her home, but her mind.

Here’s what we discussed about how creating systems can lead to better self-care, greater clarity, and more energy to do the things that matter most.

Discovering the Sunday Basket: a game changer for ADHD and organisation

Lisa and I connected after I came across her Sunday Basket concept on the ADHD for Smart-Ass Women podcast with Tracy Otsuka. As a late diagnosed (48) woman with ADHD, I was intrigued by Lisa’s idea of chunking tasks into manageable pockets and folders. I’d been using index cards and calendars to organise my thoughts, but this method of batching tasks made so much sense.

After hearing Lisa talk about how this system helps to externalise our brains and reduce the clutter in our heads, I realised I was onto something bigger. Lisa’s approach—breaking down tasks into chunks using folders and pockets—has been life-changing for me. I created my own DIY version of the Sunday Basket (I call it my Brain in a Box) since I’m based on the west coast of Ireland, where shipping from North America can be tricky. But even without the physical product, the concept alone has revolutionised how I manage my time, energy, and responsibilities.

Lisa’s story: supporting ADHD and externalising thoughts

As it turns out, Lisa has ADHD too. She recently received an ADHD diagnosis and shared her experience of being overwhelmed by ideas and racing thoughts—something many of us can relate to.

She explained how the Sunday Basket helps her externalise her thoughts so she doesn’t feel as though she’s constantly spinning in circles.

She spoke about the importance of creating systems that allow for clarity—whether through tangible baskets or mental organisation systems. According to Lisa, by having a structure to manage these thoughts, she has been able to avoid the anxiety and sleepless nights that once plagued her. This concept of externalising your brain, whether by writing things down or sorting through organised folders, was a breakthrough for me, and I’m sure it will be for many others.

The role of organisation in Self care and self-actualisation

For Lisa, organisation is much more than just managing your space—it’s a form of self-care. She believes that when we have systems in place to help us manage the overwhelm, we free up energy for other areas of our lives. It’s not just about keeping things tidy; it’s about creating a life that reflects who we truly are and what we want to accomplish.

In our conversation, she emphasised that organisation is also tied to self-actualisation—the idea that we are capable of achieving our highest potential. Lisa spoke about how the systems she’s created allow her to focus on one idea at a time, something she believes is key to achieving success. This idea resonated deeply with me, especially as someone who naturally juggles (and often drops) multiple ideas at once.

Connecting with Self

As we delved deeper into the conversation, Lisa shared a more spiritual perspective on organisation. She spoke about how our energy is intertwined with everything we do—whether it’s our work, relationships, or personal goals. Drawing from her own Christian beliefs and her ongoing pursuit of a PhD, she emphasised the importance of following your energy. For her, that means listening to her intuition and knowing when to push forward and when to take a step back.

She also explained how we as women often give our energy to others—whether it’s our families, communities, or work—and how essential it is to balance that with self-care. When we focus on what truly excites and energises us, we not only take care of ourselves but also contribute more meaningfully to the world around us. It’s about finding a balance that allows us to show up fully for ourselves and for others.

The importance of taking action

During our conversation, Lisa shared an insight that stuck with me: ideas alone are not enough. Action is what brings those ideas to life. She shared how many people get stuck waiting for permission or perfect conditions before taking action. But Lisa urges us to break free from that mindset. She explained how she often reminds her team, ‘We can do whatever we want,’ emphasising that we don’t need permission from anyone to take action on our dreams. This idea of stepping into action, no matter how small the step, is a powerful reminder to stop waiting for the perfect moment and start creating now.

Whether it’s organising your home, pursuing a new career, or even starting a personal project, taking action is the key to bringing your ideas to fruition.

Advice for Younger You

When I asked Lisa what advice she would give to her younger self, she shared a poignant reflection. Lisa recalled how, as a child, she was constantly questioning authority and thinking outside the box. However, if she could go back in time, she would tell herself that she didn’t need as much permission as she thought. We often hold ourselves back, waiting for others to approve or validate our ideas, when in reality, we have the power to create and act on our own terms.

Where to find Lisa Woodruff

If you’re looking for more guidance on organising your home, business, life and mind, Lisa’s resources are wonderful. You can find her on the Organize 365 podcast, or visit her website at organize365.com.

She also shares insights on Instagram under the handle @organize365.

In conclusion, I feel more empowered taking control of my organising systems, not just for a cleaner home, but for a clearer mind and a more focused life. Lisa’s approach to organisation, self-care, and energy has reinforced my commitment of the last couple of years in terms of creating and refining systems and structures that support me in achieving greater peace and success. Whether you're managing ADHD, juggling multiple responsibilities, or simply seeking more clarity in your life, I hope you find this as helpful as I have.

le grá (with love),

Evei

2025 is SO last week. How do you hope to be living and feeling this time NEXT year?

Tue, 07 Jan 2025 07:00:00 +0100

Setting intentions for a better 2025

As we embark on a New Year, it's the perfect time to reflect and set intentions for the months ahead. In this episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, we explore some powerful techniques to help you use your imagination for GOOD as you work towards co-creating your ideal future.

Imagining a happy, healthy and thriving Future You

Take a moment to imagine yourself a year from now, at the beginning of 2026. Picture yourself happy, healthy, and thriving. What does this version of you look like? How do you feel? What have you accomplished? This simple imagery exercise can be a powerful tool in shaping your goals for the year ahead.

Words with extra meaning

Choosing a ‘word of the year’ or using ‘evocative words’ as they’re known in psychosynthesis, can be incredibly impactful. These words act as anchors, helping to focus your mind on your intentions. In yoga nidra, we use 'sankalpas' - positive intentions or resolves that come from the heart - which serve a similar purpose.

Harness the Reticular Activation System

Our brains are wired to notice what we focus on thanks to the Reticular Activation System. By consciously choosing what to pay attention to - through intentions, words or imagery - we can effectively 'programme' our minds to seek out opportunities that aligned with our goals and what we WANT v what we don’t want.

Permission to dream

It's crucial to give yourself permission to want what you want. Imagining 2025 as your best year ever isn't selfish: It's a step towards creating positive change in your own life and, by extension, the world around you. Remember, your personal wellbeing contributes to global wellbeing.

As we delve deeper into these practices, remember that self-care isn't selfish. By focusing on your personal growth and happiness, you're better equipped to contribute positively to the world around you.

Wishing you a fantabulous 2025 filled with intention, growth (of the things you want more of) and positive change!

le grá,

Evei

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Welcome back to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I'm Eve and I'm sharing today, building on the New Year's Eve-ish episode around your word of the year and going into it a bit more.

If you have the book 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, you can read more about this self care idea on the 4th of January: It's all about figuring out what you want and how to get it in a really holistic way, bringing in all the different tools I use in my work.

And we're talking about setting intentions, we're thinking about what you'd like to be feeling a year from now, where you'd like to be beginning of 2026, working backwards, using your imagination to think about how to move closer to what you want. I've been recording a lot of episodes today, so I can't remember if this is in the future or in the past, but I'll read out the pages that might be of most interest.

So, in the book, the 4th of January is very much about setting intentions. The 17th of June is about evocative words, so we dealt with the Word of the Year and beginning to deal with that in the last episode of 2024 (episode 38: Your Vibe for 2025).

And we talk about sankalpas the whole time in yoga nidra, it's that positive intention or resolve and it's referred to several times in the book (see Index). Just thinking about something as simple as the Relaxation Responses we talked about last week (episode 39) and how you can pick one word for three minutes, it might be a word that you carry with you for a year or a month or a week or a day or a lifetime, I've heard about some people who use the same words from childhood before they even learn how to do the Relaxation Response.

Our intention, our thinking about this time next year can be really powerful, so you might want to give yourself a moment to think about this time next year and just let an image form of you really happy and really well and all going good, and just pause this, make a few notes about it.

You might want to think about ‘evocative words’. Roberto Assagioli, who created psychosynthesis, the kind of counselling I do, was very influenced by Eastern philosophy, and it was the sense that what we focus on grows, so people who talk about the Law of Attraction are talking about this the whole time, like where awareness goes, energy flows.

In terms of the way the brain works, the Reticular Activation System is the part of the brain that will see more of what we focus on (you can read more in my Rapport article). It's our natural way of deleting, distorting and generalising because we would literally go insane if we were having to properly process every single sensory input that comes at us the whole time.

So when we're choosing, for example, an intention or a word or a sankalpa, something to help us move towards what we want to move towards, everything we watch, everything we listen to, everything we surround ourselves with, everything we take the time to visualise, to do imagery work around, to use in the Relaxation Response, to use as our sankalpa in a yoga nidra, it's all amplifying it, it's all harnessing the power of the unconscious mind by making what you want this time next year or using any time frame you choose just so much easier.

So think about what sprang to mind for you.

I'm going to go into more depth with the Half Moon membership of the Sole to Soul Circle, and you can subscribe for free at evemc.substack.com to access this bonus content. And then there'll be another deeper dive video for the Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle and you can again upgrade through evemc.substack.com

And that deeper dive is to help ground what we're talking about further and I love sharing these episodes with you, I really love hearing from you, I appreciate all your shares, likes, comments, questions, emails, rating, review, whatever feels good for you, please do share and let me know if you've got questions.

So happy, Happy New Year still and give yourself permission to want whatever it is that you want. Give yourself permission to imagine 2025 being your best year ever.

There's an enormous amount of suffering in the world, enormous amount of challenges, your suffering does not help anyone else. You're focusing on the kind of world you want to help create, you're focusing on the life you want to create, it's going to help you help others from that more wholehearted way, so the work we're doing around self care is far from selfish.

It can contribute to your personal peace and ultimately to world peace, but give yourself permission to really recognise the power of your intentions and that isn't just for personal goals, that is for global goals as well, so look after yourself and see you again soon.

The power of the Relaxation Response: A New Year's Resolution to relax into

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 07:10:00 +0100

As we embark on a new year, many of us are seeking ways to improve our wellbeing and reduce stress in our lives. One powerful tool that has stood the test of time is the Relaxation Response, a concept developed by Dr Herbert Benson, a Harvard cardiologist and pioneer in mind-body medicine.

The Relaxation Response is a physical state of deep rest that counteracts the Stress Response that may well feel more familiar in our bodies in these go go go 24/7 times we live in.

The Relaxation Response is a natural antidote to the Fight Flight response, which can be triggered all too often in our busy modern lives. Dr Benson's groundbreaking work, published in his 1975 book The Relaxation Response, remains relevant and potentially life-changing even today.

Why the Relaxation Response matters

With up to 90% of doctor's visits attributed to stress-related issues, it's clear that managing stress is crucial for our overall health. Stress can exacerbate chronic conditions, intensify pain, and contribute to a host of physical and mental health problems. By regularly practising the Relaxation Response, we can mitigate some of these effects and promote healing in our bodies.

How to elicit the Relaxation Response

The beauty of the relaxation response is its simplicity and accessibility. You don't need any special equipment or beliefs to benefit from it. Here's a basic method to get started:

1. Choose a quality you'd like more of in your life (e.g., calm, peace, joy – check out last week’s episode (38) Your Vibe for 2025 to help you choose).

2. Find a comfortable position where you feel supported.

3. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

4. As you breathe in, imagine drawing in the quality you've chosen.

5. As you breathe out, imagine spreading that quality throughout your body.

6. Continue this practice for at least three minutes.

Consciously incorporate more rest into your routine

As we start the new year, it's an excellent time to prioritise rest and relaxation in our daily lives. This might mean scheduling regular breaks, practising yoga nidra, or simply giving ourselves permission to do less and be more.

Remember, your to-do list will never be completely finished. Life is inherently messy and busy. By making space for rest and relaxation, we're not falling behind – we're actually setting ourselves up for greater productivity, creativity, and overall wellbeing.

A different approach to New Year, New You

Instead of pushing ourselves to do more this year, why not challenge ourselves to rest more deeply? By consciously activating the Relaxation Response regularly, we can improve our physical health, mental clarity, and emotional balance.

Whether you choose to practise formal meditation, engage in repetitive activities like knitting or running, or simply take a few minutes each day to breathe mindfully, you're giving your body and mind a precious gift.

As we step into 2025, you might make a commitment to yourself to prioritise rest, play, and relaxation. By doing so, we're not just improving our own lives – we're contributing to a calmer, more peaceful world.

Wishing you a very Happy New Year! One that will include deep rest, joyful play, and the transformative power of the Relaxation Response.

Want to explore the Relaxation Response and rest more?

Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full Moon and Super Moon (paid subscribers) members of the Sole to Soul Circle will be getting your bonus content tomorrow. JOIN US

le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT

It's not all bad. I mean, stress can be a wonderful thing. We live in exciting times

as well as challenging times, but we want to allow the nervous system to have

that flexibility and it helps us to have that overall flexibility by really

doing the things that calm the nervous system. And this is one gorgeous, gorgeous

way.

Hi,

I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day

Podcast, Season 2. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD

friendly ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself. That highest,

wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of

yourself, as well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so

challenging at times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting

bonus content each week if you sign up as a free or paid subscriber to the Sole

to Soul Circle. You can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a

month.

And you can also find more ideas in the book 365 Ways to Feel Better Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

Happy New Year. Welcome to Episode 38 (oops - 39) of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I can't believe it's 39 and we're in Season 2 now and we're going weekly.

I hope that you're enjoying them and that also if you're a free subscriber or

paid subscriber, that's Half Moon member or Full Moon or Super Moon member of

the Sole to Soul Circle, that you're enjoying the deeper dive videos as well.

But there's something for everyone, and you don't need any of this to just listen

to your own body, listen to your own soul, listen to your own heart, listen to

your own thoughts, and just ask yourself in any given moment, ‘What do I need

right now? How might I rest, reboot, relax?’

And that being said, I hope you enjoy the episode.

Welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast, welcoming 2025, wishing you a wondrous New Year and also a ‘new year, new you’ in a very different way. So we're working still with 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and for today's episode

we're going into more depth around the Relaxation Response.

Developed by Dr Herbert Benson, and he, well

it was discovered by Dr Herbert Benson, he was a Harvard cardiologist working

out of the same lab as Dr Walter B Cannon who, decades earlier, had discovered

the Stress Response and fight, flight (later freeze was acknowledged and tend

and befriend and there are different responses to stress).

Dr Herbert Benson wrote a gorgeous book

published in 1975, the year I was born, and it's still radical now, I'm nearly

50. And this is the kind of thing more people need to know about because up to

90% of doctors visits are due to stress.

It's not that it's all in your head but it is

all in our bodies. So much stress then exacerbates whatever chronic conditions

you might have, whatever like pain spots or like you might get migraines, you

might get backache, whatever it might be, it's going to be made worse when

you're tight, when you're tense, when you're under stress.

Dr Herbert Benson was a cardiologist at

Harvard and he went on to create so much around, he was a mind-body medicine

pioneer, lecturing around the world into his 90s and he was studying meditating

monks and also meditating lay people in America.

They were so excited about what they were

experiencing when they were meditating, they wanted him to test what was

happening with their hearts. Because he was at Harvard in the 60s and 70s he

was kind of like, ‘Go away, stop it, you're embarrassing me,’ so he actually

snuck them in at night.

It's such a gorgeous book, The Relaxation

Response, if you want to read it. And he realised that yes, they were really

onto something. I'm going to demonstrate something a bit unusual about one way

to access this with even greater ease for the Full Moon and Super Moon members

of the Sole to Soul Circle, so if you would like to subscribe or upgrade, you

can do that at selfcarecoaching.net or at evemc.substack.com and you can do

this anytime, anywhere.

The more comfortable you are, the more held

you feel by the planet, by the furniture, by whatever, the more deeply you'll

be able to relax.

He discovered that it took three minutes or

longer to go into what he terms the Relaxation Response, but in this state of

rest, which is a wonderful way to start 2025, and to build deeper rest into

every day for yourself.

We do too much, we try to do too much, we then

beat ourselves up for not getting it all done and it will never all be done.

I'm so looking forward to sharing the Getting Organised episode with you in a

few weeks and my interviews with Lisa Woodruff, who just is an inspiration and

much of that is her reminder that your to-do list will never be done.

While we're alive, life is messy, so it's

really important to schedule in rest, to schedule in space. I changed my life I

think a year and a half ago when I started doing a daily yoga nidra and then

nearly a year ago I started making time on the advice of my acupuncturist to do

a longer yoga nidra every lunchtime. And I still find it challenging. I think I

have to do do-do-do-do-do but I am in that practice. It's an extension of my

yoga practice and sometimes it's more challenging than getting onto the mat and

doing a physical practice because doing is more comfortable than receiving and

just allowing.

So yoga nidra, there's more in the book on

that, there are free resources on the website, there are loads of bespoke

unique resources for the Full Moon and Super Moon members but you can access

loads of free ones at selfcarecoaching.net or through my YouTube channel.

But the point is even that is a meditation in

terms of you doing your best to stay alert and aware and harnessing that state

between sleep and wakefulness. We're going through a lot of different types of

brainwave activity, it's all wonderful but by allowing yourself freestyle rest

you're going to have more fun, you're going to have more time to play, to do

the things you want to do. And the Relaxation Response: it’s a practice, it’s a

meditation and it can be done in as little as three minutes.

So choose a quality you'd like more of in your

life. And while Herbert Benson recognised through his research that people

around the world throughout human history have been naturally entering what he

terms the Relaxation Response as an antidote to the stress response throughout

human history, it was just something when we felt at ease enough, the heart

rate, everything would soften, everything would relax and deep deep healing can

occur under these conditions.

He found a secular way to get the benefits so

you don't have to be praying or meditating, you don't have to believe in

anything, you can simply identify a quality you would like more of and breathe

that quality in and breathe that quality out.

By doing it for three minutes or longer,

you're helping then to activate the parasympathetic branch of the nervous

system, that Rest Digest response. You're helping it all flow more easily,

coming down from the sympathetic activity that's not ALL bad.

I mean stress can be a wonderful thing. We

live in exciting times as well as challenging times but we want to allow the

nervous system to have that flexibility and it helps us to have that overall

flexibility by really doing the things that calm the nervous system and this is

one gorgeous gorgeous way.

I'm looking forward to sharing a yoga pose

that can help you get into it more deeply in the Full Moon members’ deeper dive

video and I'll be talking a bit more about it in the video for Half Moon members

(free subscribers). You can become a Half Moon, Full Moon or Super Moon member

of the Sole to Soul Circle at evemc.substack.com but you don't NEED to do any

of that to give yourself permission to start 2025 differently.

Prioritise that reboot for yourself,

prioritise rest, prioritise play, prioritise fun, give yourself that

spaciousness. If the holiday period has been relaxing and enjoyable and you

want to bring more of that into the new year, brilliant. If it's been hectic

and chaotic and you're looking forward to getting back to work in a bit of

peace, whatever it is you want, give yourself permission to make space for it.

Let me know how you get on, thank you for

listening, watching, liking, subscribing, rating, reviewing, commenting, ask

whatever questions you want and I look forward to sharing more next week. Happy

New Year!

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. If you haven't already

and would like to. I really appreciate your sharing umm, whether it's one with

one person who you think would benefit or on your social media.

If you haven't already subscribed, that will help you if you want to be less

likely to miss future episodes. But they're coming out every Tuesday now so you

can dip in and out as you like. They're available via your favourite podcasting

apps and on YouTube and there are links in my social media. Next week, we're

building on last week's theme around your vibe for 2025 and by doing a deeper

exploration of intentions.

And today, New Year's Eve, is a wonderful day to really think about what you're

ready to let go of, what you're ready to welcome. And I hope that you'll give

yourself some time and space tomorrow, New Year's Day, if you're listening to

this, the day it comes out. To give yourself a taste of all you want to welcome

into 2025 and whatever day of the year you're listening to this on, whatever

year you're listening to this in.

I hope that you will also give yourself some time each day to give yourself a

taste of what matters to you, what you want to prioritise, and be that bit more

intentional about making time for rest because you deserve to recharge.

Your vibe for 2025: Episode 38 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Tue, 24 Dec 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Happy Christmas! What’s your vibe for 2025?

So long 2024! As we prepare to welcome 2025, you might want to reflect on your experiences and set your sights on the year ahead. This period offers a wonderful opportunity to contemplate the energy we wish to bring into 2025 and beyond.

In January, we'll delve deeper into this concept, drawing inspiration from the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-Care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing. We'll explore various methods to focus our energy, intentions, and awareness, utilising the Reticular Activation System.

This approach combines scientific backing with a gentle, reflective practice that honours the new year's energy in a way that can positively impact your entire year.

Choosing your word of the year

Many people select a 'word of the year' to guide their focus. This practice has gained popularity. My recent choices include Pleasure, Joy, Love, Abundance, Peace and Healing. For the upcoming year, I’ve chosen the word HARVEST, reflecting my desire to acknowledge past efforts and recognise personal growth instead of only ever looking forwards.

The concept of Harvest can be particularly helpful for others, like me, who are future-focused, serving as a reminder to ground yourself and acknowledge achievements. It encourages us to recognise our DONE list alongside the never ending To do list, celebrating how far we've come in our personal journeys.

One thing I’m really proud of and excited to finally be sharing is the new look (sound) podcast with additional bonus content for every episode for Half Moon (free subscribers) and Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle. If you’re not already a member, you can join us at selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com

For more than 20 years, I’ve been sharing loads of self-care tools but by being more strategic in my approach now, it’s a better curated experience for you AND is making my life easier, working with my ADHD brain.

But this is me – how about YOU? There are so many qualities you might choose from.

Personalising your approach

While some may find it challenging to choose just one word, the act of focusing can be empowering and effective. Remember that there are no strict rules and you might want to consider:

- Selecting multiple words that resonate with you

- Choosing a word for each quarter or month or even week and day!

- Creating your own unique approach to setting intentions

The key is to find a method that feels authentic and inspiring to you personally.

As we approach 2025, take some time to reflect on the qualities you'd like to cultivate in your life. Write down all the words that call to you, then listen to which one speaks the loudest.

Remember, choosing one primary word doesn't mean neglecting other important aspects of your life.

Whether you're settling on a single word or exploring multiple intentions, the process of embark on this journey, consider sharing your thoughts and chosen words with others.

Not only does this help solidify your intentions, but it also creates a supportive community of individuals working towards personal growth.

Wishing you a very Happy Christmas and a new year of self-discovery (in a gentle, joyful way!), growth, and positive change.

May your chosen word or words guide you towards a fulfilling and peaceful and ______[you decide!]____ 2025.

le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 38 OF THE FEEL BETTER EVERY DAY PODCAST

Welcome to the end of 2024, and we're working with recognising what you want to be open to in 2025 and beyond. We've done our releasing with the Yule Log (episode 37 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast).

I hope you were able to join us for that. I'm recording this before it, and it's a wonderful time of year to think reflectively compassionately and gently and just get clear about what kind of energy you want to be bringing into the new year.

In January, I'm going to be going into more depth with that, working with the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, looking at different ways in which we can focus our energy, our intentions, our awareness and ways of working with the Reticular Activation System.

There is science behind a lot of this now but it's also just a really lovely, gentle, quiet way to honour New Year energies in a way that can have a positive impact on your entire year and beyond.

So for today, you've probably heard people talk about their word of the year. I've been doing this for several years now, I've had everything from Pleasure to Joy to Love to Abundance to Peace to Healing and this coming year I decided a couple of months ago (it came early for me this year) HARVEST.

I've been self-employed for more than 20 years and I do an enormous amount but 2024 was a year of an enormous amount behind the scenes sorting. In terms of I started working with a virtual assistant who's been helping me make more of the resources I've recorded over the years or written over the years more accessible in an easier format.

I’ve a bit of a library going on with the selfcarecoaching.net website and it's an ongoing process as is my Substack. I'm also creating some other resources, The Self Care Coaching Collections and online courses.

And I'm still working on a couple of books. I'm doing an enormous amount working on the journal that I'm editor-in-chief of, the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, as well as having a private practice, supervision, Self care coaching, trauma-informed and ADHD friendly therapies which I adore.

I'm really lucky that at 49 I'm happier than I've ever been and I want the same for you. Whatever your age. I want you to really think about what you want more of. I think for me, Harvest as my word of the year came to me because I am recently diagnosed with ADHD, very very future focused.

This morning, at time of recording, I was really anxious about my NCT test, my first ever because I only learned to drive this year and it took all my energy and focus and awareness and about an hour after I got back and little Beatrice Lobster (my car) had passed, someone said, ‘Congratulations!’ And I had no idea what they were talking about. Because I do so many different things, I forget.

Harvest already has been a way of helping me ground more and acknowledge my DONE list as well as my To do list. I recognise how far I've come with my own trauma recovery, with my own healing as well as focusing as much as I can on where I want to go.

So that's my word for the year! As I said, we're going to be going into more detail with other ways of setting intentions, we're going to be looking at Sankalpas (positive intentions used in yoga nidra), working through some of the ideas in the book in early January but if you were to just think, right now, what words (and again, ADHD brain, the idea of picking just one word, why would you do that? I want all the words but I'm also joyful at the idea of harvest as my main word) would you pick?

If, like me you have lots of qualities you would like to bring more of into your life, let yourself! Write them all down and then get a sense of whichever one is calling to you most loudly at this time. It doesn't mean that you can't work with the other energies as well, but as someone who's been told to focus more since I was a small child, I hate using the word myself and yet the more we can focus, the more effective we can be. The more empowered we can be. The more we can help others as well as ourselves.

Let me know how you got on. There'll be an extra video for free subscribers of the Sole to Soul Circle where there'll be some journal prompts around that. And also, there's a deeper dive video for Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle with a gorgeous energy clearing practise, Ho’oponopono.

If you haven't already upgraded and you would like to, you can do so from as little as €8 a month. If you do the annual plan, it's even cheaper and you get lots of extra deeper dives and other goodies coming your way.

Thank you for watching, thank you for listening, thank you for sharing, subscribing, commenting, liking, engaging in any way.

If you found this helpful do please share and do let me know what your options for your year, for your word of the year are, what your contenders are and if you've already settled on one.

And it might be that, I mean some people choose a word for a quarter or a word for a month or a word, there are no rules. There ARE lots and lots of self-care ideas, so let yourself make your own rules and enjoy.

https://youtu.be/c5THqIWplUQ

I think Yule love this! And I hope Yule (geddit?) join me for a special Winter Solstice Circle on Friday 20th

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Solo episode: Embracing the Yule Log tradition: a ritual of release and renewal

What's a Yule Log?

The Yule log is more than just a festive decoration – it's key to powerful symbolic rituals rooted in the Celtic Wheel of the Year. As this Winter Solstice approaches, I’m sharing a fun and simple ritual that can offer a meaningful way to reflect on your past and prepare for the coming year.

If you’d like to join me for this unique Yule / Winter Solstice Circle on Friday 20th December (9.15pm Irish time), RSVP for the link – if you’re not already a Full Moon or Super Moon member of the Sole to Soul Circle, you can upgrade from €8 per month (or even less if you opt for the annual subscription option).

The Significance of Yule

At its core, Yule is about hope and light during the darkest time of the year. It represents the promise of brighter, warmer days ahead – a concept that has comforted humans throughout history. The Winter Solstice marks the point when days begin to lengthen, symbolising renewal and potential.

While I hope you’ll join me live on Friday, you can create your own Yule Log ritual too

This week’s podcast episode goes into more detail: You can listen here or via your favourite podcasting platform or watch on YouTube

The beauty of this Yule log ritual is its simplicity:

* Use a physical log if you have a fireplace

* Alternatively, use a piece of paper and a pen

* Reflect on the whole of this past year, 2024, and the rest of your life if older stuff comes up for healing

* Write down whatever you want to release

* Reflect on the year ahead, too – 2025! There’ll be more on your Vibe for 2025 next week but for now, jot down what you want to invite in

* Once you’ve journalled and jotted your notes, use a fresh piece of paper or an actual Yule Log and write what you’re ready to release, imagining the energies of release moving from you into the log or paper then write or draw symbols (depending on the size of your Yule Log) to represent each element you’re releasing on the log

* Repeat for what you’re welcoming

* On or around Yule / Winter Solstice, BURN it (safely) and continue to reflect, release and welcome as you watch the flames take your intentions

* Give yourself some more time and space to journal around how this whole process felt

The process of letting go and welcoming in

The ritual is about:

* Identifying things you want to release

* Acknowledging both small and significant experiences

* Preparing to welcome new possibilities

* Remembering that you get to choose your focus and priorities

Personal reflection

You might want to consider writing about 2024’s

* Self-doubt

* Challenges faced

* Personal growth

* Emotional burdens

* Your hopes for the future

Why this matters

Releasing allows us to:

* Clear mental and emotional space

* Create room for new opportunities

* Practice self-reflection

* Connect with an ancient tradition of hope

Final thoughts

Whether you're dealing with what feels like trivial concerns or profound life challenges, this Yule Log ritual offers a symbolic way to process your experiences. It's a personal journey of surrender, trust and renewal.

If you’d like to access the full transcript for this and future episodes, you can become a free subscriber (Half Moon member) of the Sole to Soul Circle and they’ll go straight to your inbox with each new post. Wishing you the coolest of Yules!

Le grá,

Evei

TRANSCRIPT

We need hope. We need to know that we have control over certain things that we can

control and that lighter times are ahead, warmer times are ahead, brighter times

are ahead.

Hi, I'm Eve Menezes Cunningham and welcome to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Season 2. I am so excited to be sharing new trauma informed and ADHD friendly

ideas for you to help you take better care of yourself. That highest, wisest,

truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself, as

well as the basic self-care which we all know can be so challenging at

times.

I really appreciate you tuning in. If you want a deeper dive, you'll be getting

bonus content each week. If you sign up as a free or paid subscriber to the Sole

to Soul Circle, you can do that for free or from as little as €8.00 a

month.

And you can also find more ideas in the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I've been listening to your feedback and have made some changes. So new

episodes will be out on Tuesdays and then for free subscribers and paid

subscribers of the Sole to Soul Circle. And you can find out more at evemc.substack.com

You'll get your bonus content on Wednesdays and I am really hoping that you're

going to enjoy this episode today for you'll. And there's an invitation to join a

special Winter Solstice / Yule Circle, where we work with our own Yule Logs on

Friday evening. So that's Friday the 20th of December, 9.15pm, Irish time

2004.

If you're listening to this later or in another year, you can still follow the

instructions and do your own Yule Log ritual. I hope you enjoy the episodes and

thanks again for listening.

When you think of Yule Logs, you're likely to think of the delicious chocolatey treats,

and since being vegan I haven't indulged in those, but I used to really enjoy

them every year and growing up.

But there’s MORE to Yule Logs that that. For the last few decades that I've been working

with the Celtic Wheel of the Year. For many years, I would just use pen and

paper and burn it with a candle.

But since I moved to Ireland and got my own fireplace, I've been working with actual Yule Logs each year, and I wanted to introduce my Yule Log for this year, and to encourage you to do the same if that appeals.

I talk about Yule a bit in 365 Ways to Feel Better, Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, and for Full Moon and Super Moon members of the Sole to Soul Circle, I'm going to be holding a special Winter Solstice / Yule Circle where we do some meditation and burn our Yule Logs in Circle (from wherever you are in the world)

I'm sending this out early so that you can prepare, whether you're hearing this on the podcast or seeing it on YouTube or through the Sole to Soul Circle newsletter, or if you are a member. For members, I want to go into a deeper dive, as I'm doing each week, to really help you connect with what you're doing, and I realise that I haven't even said what I'm doing, what you're doing!

So Yule, like Christmas, like so many of the festivals at this time of year, they're all

about light in darkness, they're all about hope, they're all about... I mean,

times were really hard, I've had the heating on for ages today, but when you

think about so much of human history, there was no such thing as central heating.

And we need hope, we need to know that we have control over certain things that we can

control, and that lighter times are ahead, warmer times are ahead, brighter

times are ahead.

So using a Yule Log, or if you don't have an open fireplace or stove, using any piece of paper and pen, and reflecting on 2024, thinking about the year so far, your life so

far maybe. Just using this wonderful time of year where we know that the days

are going to start getting longer again from the 22nd of December, and release,

release, release, release, release, release.

The more we can let go of, the more we can open up to all that is good in the world. So

it's as simple as taking a pen, and I'm going to start mine now, even though

it's not Yule, but just for the purposes of this video, the first thing that

popped into my head is self-doubt. I mean, obviously some is a good thing, and

I'll never be free of it, but I'm much better when I'm proactively moving

towards things rather than talking myself out of things.

So that's my first little entry on my 2024 Yule Log, and what I'll be doing over the coming

weeks is adding to it (I recorded this weeks ago), adding to all the things I

want to burn away, release, let go of, and also some of the things I want to

welcome in 2025 and beyond.

It's a way of trusting, surrendering, letting go. It's a fun thing to do with your family, if

you have a family who's interested. Mine humoured me for a little while, but I'm

sharing it with y’all now.

Let me know how you get on, and let me know what you're so ready to say goodbye to from

2024.

I'm welcoming HARVEST as we move into 2025, and in next week's episode, you'll be hearing

more about how you might do that, how you might choose a focus for your year.

Your vibe for 2025.

Some people call it a word of the year, and there are all sorts of ways of working with it,

and I'm not going to go into that right now, but that's coming next week. But

for now, let me know what you're ready to let go of, how you feel at the idea

of seeing. You can let the most trivial things go, you can let big things go. Grief, loss,

heartbreak, illness.

Obviously, it's symbolic, but you are taking some time to reflect, taking some time to

think about some of the lessons, some of the blessings, what you're ready to

release and what you’re ready to welcome. So I hope

this is helpful, and please like, comment, share, subscribe, follow all the

things wherever you're watching or listening to this, and I hope you have the

coolest of Yules!

Thank you for listening to the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. I would love to hear

what you're adding to your Yule Log for the year. And I really hope that I will

see you on Friday evening next week. We're going to be looking at your vibe for

2025. I really hope that you have a good Winter Solstice.

And if you haven't already subscribed for the bonus content you can subscribe

via selfcarecoaching.net or evemc.substack.com or find out more through thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

/ thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.ie

And this episode, like all of them, is produced by me, your host Eve Menezes

Cunningham and I look forward to sharing more with you next week.

Self Care for Despair: Episode 36 of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

Wed, 06 Nov 2024 07:00:00 +0100

This episode is an unexpected one but I was so quick to find solace in my habitual self and Self care practises this morning, I wanted to share them with as much love as I can for all beings on the planet. The US election results are horrifying (that a self confessed sexual predator and multi convicted felon is somehow considered better than someone as accomplished and talented as Kamala Harris - am telling myself all sorts of stories about how much men (and many women) must really hate women, migrants, LGBTQ+ people and others but that's not helpful.

So am bringing myself back, repeatedly, to the daily practises that keep me grounded and resourceful. I hope they'll help you too. Sending enormous love to you and yours.

About Eve Menezes Cunningham

The author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, Eve Menezes Cunningham runs Feel Better Every Day (aka selfcarecoaching.net) and the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD (evemc.substack.com).

Integrating a wide range of trauma informed and ADHD friendly therapies, coaching and supervision, she specialises in all things self care (and Self care for connecting with and taking better care of your highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous Self), especially around trauma, anxiety, stress, sleep issues and finding more purpose, meaning and joy, ADHD and perimenopause and menopause.

Eve’s work incorporates traditional talk therapy and coaching as well as somatic (body based) and energy approaches for a holistic approach. She is an an Irish Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (IACP) Accredited supervisor and counsellor, British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) Senior Accredited Supervisor and Past Chair of BACP Coaching, EFT International Accredited Mentor and Advanced EFT Practitioner, a Yoga Professionals UK Experienced Yoga Teacher and NLP Master Practitioner.

Based in Westport, on the west coast of Ireland, Eve works online and by telephone with clients and supervisees across the UK and Ireland with some nature based outdoor sessions in Westport.

She has been on IACP’s Editorial Committee since 2021 (Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy since February 2024) and editorial team for Rapport, ANLP’s NLP journal, since 2007. Eve’s work been featured in hundreds of titles including Psychologies, Therapy Today, Coaching Today, the FT, the Guardian, Evening Standard, Metro, Mirror, Irish Country Magazine, Stellar and Cosmopolitan.

Eve offers free resources via selfcarecoaching.net and facilitates the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD online membership (evemc.substack.com).

It’s a fully embodied, nervous system friendly, trauma informed approach, helping people integrate self and Self care practices into their daily lives to create a life you don’t need to retreat from.

She also produces and hosts The Feel Better Every Day Podcast.

TRANSCRIPT

Start by placing your feet firmly on the ground while allowing whatever you're sitting on to support you completely—let yourself feel held by it while connecting with earth beneath you knowing we're just tiny blips among its inhabitants

Welcome to Self Care for Despair. An unexpected, unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day Podcast. Episode 36.

I woke up feeling like I’m sure so many of you did this morning. All through the night I’d been thinking, ‘Nope, she’s going to catch up. She’s going to catch up, it’s going to be okay,’ and then it wasn’t. In the past, I’d have cried for days. I mean, let’s face it, I moved countries because of Brexit. Politics IS personal and it is scary and it’s now more than ever that we need to take amazing care of ourselves and of each other, so I hope this episode will help you to do that.

In this episode, I share a trauma sensitive Metta meditation, a simple breathwork practice, a shortcut to helping you feel better, a way to comfort and soothe yourself and some of the other self and Self care things that I’ve been doing this morning and today.

Since recording it this morning, I’ve gone for a swim and I swam my heart out and I’m just going to encourage you to welcome all of your feelings and honour all of your feelings, look after yourself and connect with your loved ones, connect with others who are hurting and just sending enormous love.

I hope you find it helpful and, remember, you have so many resources yourself, don’t give into fear and hate. Let yourself wallow. Let yourself cry. Let yourself heal. I mean, crying is healing but also know that there are so many amazing people in the world, so many people who go out of their way to help other people, to care for other people, to save other’s lives like running into burning buildings or accidents.

This is not representative of the world and, while you’re safe physically, do these practices that let your brain KNOW that you’re safe. Let your whole system know that you’re safe. Regulate your nervous system and connect with all of your resourcefulness. You can still thrive.

Welcome to an unscheduled episode of the Feel Better Every Day podcast. Having been awake for much of the night, watching with increasing dread and disbelief, I went back to bed and focused on connecting with how I felt. I'm over on the west coast of Ireland, so I can only imagine what it's like for so many Americans who are feeling unsafe—literally unsafe.

I thought I'd do something to help people who, like me, are anxious about what it means for the planet, for women, for trans people, and for all sorts of minorities. It's important to remember that you have more power than you think, that you can self-soothe, that you can work with your own nervous system, and that you can support your amygdala—the alarm bell in the brain that may feel like it's ringing incessantly right now.

You can bring your prefrontal cortex on board. You can use your vagus nerve to send messages of safety to the pons, the part of the brain responsible for body language and breath. By working with your breath and posture, you will begin to calm the amygdala much faster than by telling yourself what might feel like lies about how it will all work out.

We don't know what will happen, but we know that we're wired to feel safe, loved, and welcomed in order to thrive. A lot of people right now are not feeling safe, welcome, or loved; they're feeling very afraid. After the Brexit vote in 2016, I cried for days and ended up leaving England, where I had been born and raised. Being Indian-Irish, London born, I suddenly felt very unsafe. I look white and sound English. I’m aware that I have an enormous amount of privilege, yet I remember how visceral that fear and horror was. I know many people are feeling that way at the moment.

I want you to be able to soothe yourself, support yourself, empower yourself, resist and fight, love and connect, and thrive. Start by just noticing how you're feeling right now. Use zero as neutral: minus 10 for absolute depths of despair and plus 10 for amazing. You may be feeling amazing; I don't know. Notice what you're feeling right now and ask yourself what you need at this moment. If you could do anything right now, what would it be?

For me this morning, I went back to bed, pulled the duvet over my eyes, and cuddled a teddy bear because the cats didn’t want to be near me. I decided to do a longer yoga practice; that really helped me. I did that before turning my phone on; at that stage, I was still hoping for a different outcome. I connected with my breath as I do every morning and did my Metta meditation.

So let's start there. With the Metta practice. You begin with: ‘May I be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease.’ Just notice how you feel in your body as you say those words and wish yourself well. ‘May I be able to take care of myself joyfully. May I possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Then you move on to someone you love: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Next is someone you feel more neutral about: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

Traditionally from the Buddhist tradition, you'd pick someone you find challenging; if that feels too difficult today, choose someone else you love instead. For someone challenging today, I'm going with Mitch McConnell—he could have put an end to all this after Trump’s second impeachment (after the insurrection in January 2021) but didn’t. Letting it go: ‘May he be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May he be able to take care of himself joyfully. May he possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

As I did that practice with him in mind, I imagined him being scared. This is Metta—we're expanding our heart's electromagnetic field energy outward before bringing it back to ourselves while remembering that we're all connected; we are all one.

Think about where you live—maybe your town or country: ‘May we all be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May we be able to take care of ourselves joyfully. May we possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’ Now think about a part of the world where you feel desperate or helpless—not naming any specific places but perhaps one you've been thinking about every day for a while: ‘May they be happy and healthy, peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage, wisdom, patience, and determination to manage life's challenges.’

For today’s focus—America: ‘May they be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May they be able to take care of themselves joyfully. May they possess the courage wisdom patience and determination to manage life's challenges.’ [My phone suddenly burst into Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood – you might be able to hear it] Forgetting any bad blood between us all—send everyone those wishes for happiness health wellness ease and peace.

Think about the world at large; you can pause this episode if needed or do it for as many individuals or groups you're concerned about—different minority groups or individual loved ones—and when you're ready take it out into the world at large: ‘May we all be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May we be able to take care of ourselves joyfully. May we possess the courage wisdom patience determination to manage life's challenges.’

The most important thing is bringing it back to yourself: ‘May I be happy and healthy; peaceful and at ease. May I be able to take care of myself joyfully. May I possess the courage wisdom patience determination to manage life's challenges.’ Take a moment now to notice how you feel after this whole practice.

I start every morning with Metta; I include all my clients—past present future—everyone I've ever worked with or will work with that day along with everyone I'm worried about or love; it takes a while but just notice how you feel afterward.

Personally speaking—I can't imagine life without this practise; it's been one of my most transformative experiences which I've discussed in my book along with others but Metta alone combined with breathwork is incredibly powerful.

This simple breath practice is a way to send immediate signals of safety through the vagus nerve up towards the brain while cascading down through our entire system—80% of those signals travel upwards through this vagus nerve pathway so we're much better off moving or breathing ourselves into feeling safety rather than trying to talk ourselves into something we don’t genuinely feel.

Reach out towards that nourishing supportive energy right now; let yourself rest within it while noticing what's happening with your breath naturally without trying too hard to change anything—notice whether you're breathing from your upper middle or lower lungs making mental notes as needed.

Get a sense if your inhalation is longer than your exhalation or vice versa or if they're even—again note these observations mentally or physically before moving on because here’s where if desired—you can regulate yourself through simple actions helping improve how you're feeling.

There's real power in mindfulness—in being present with what is without trying too hard especially during times like today when so much feels beyond our control—building our capacity simply being present without becoming dysregulated is an invaluable skill while having regulation abilities remains crucial.

If it feels good, aim towards breathing down into your belly—it may require more conscious effort which is brilliant since breath tends not receive our awareness often enough—anytime we breathe more mindfully we're literally changing how we feel activating our parasympathetic nervous system helping ourselves enter rest-and-digest mode while reinforcing feelings of safety reminding us in this moment—we are safe.

As I encourage connecting further with breath—I realise I'm talking quite a bit but notice how it feels bringing breath consistently down towards belly—you may find it gets stuck somewhere along its journey but remember—it’s not about judgement—you’re alive!

To maximise benefits bring breath right down aiming for slightly longer exhalations—some prefer counting—for instance breathing in for four seconds then out for six or simply focusing on lengthening exhalation slightly longer than inhalation each time.

This requires extra awareness helping keep our wandering minds returning back towards practice rather than getting lost amidst distractions occurring every moment when we breathe unconsciously most times—but by focusing on deepening breaths while extending exhalations—we're more likely noticing when thoughts drift away gently guiding awareness back towards breathing process itself remaining patient especially during distressful feelings.

Just a few breaths can truly help—you might find one minute wonderful but five minutes even better! Start wherever suits best—you can repeat throughout day grounding yourself connecting deeper breaths longer exhalations while observing feelings shift accordingly—even taking heart rate before after could prove interesting as typically reductions occur.

Finally—for this unexpected special edition—we'll explore the Butterfly Hug—a lovely way giving yourself a hug! Simply cross hands over chest resembling butterfly shape gently tapping one hand then another inhaling as tapping occurs on one side exhaling when switching sides—it’s an effective method of connecting safely with your body and breath while allowing gentle movement bridging both parts brain together promoting coherence and congruence whilst supporting oneself, recognising all the feelings arising naturally without judgement.

I won’t delve into Tapping today since numerous resources exist online including all the free videos available through selfcarecoaching.net (and in the Sole to Soul Circle: Self care for trauma recovery and ADHD, offering additional exclusive content related each theme discussed here.

If tapping isn’t appealing right now consider simply tapping the thymus area and collarbone, gently bringing comfort even amidst tears, shaking sensations, releasing pent-up energy within the body, noticing how these actions resonate deeply inside us all collectively experiencing shared struggles during tough times overall!

Stamping also serves purpose getting feelings out effectively reminding us today isn’t normal nor is anyone in the world around us designed thrive without mutual healing support amongst each other. It’s incomprehensible witnessing deliberate harm inflicted upon others causing immense pain so releasing these energies becomes essential grounding ourselves enabling resilience love ultimately leading a thriving existence.

Regarding stamping—it’s mentioned within the book, 365 Ways to Feel Better, originating from Olivia Roberts who presented concepts during energy work conference years ago in Eastbourne in the UK. She called it Resolution Magic. She’d been suffering migraines and would normally remain still, attempting to avoid disturbance until finally fed up she began stomping, shouting ‘Go away! Go away!’ surprisingly leading the migraine to dissipate entirely!

She researched further discovering positive effects particularly on IBS and other chronic conditions emotions benefitting greatly from such releases—I’ve encouraged clients to adopt similar practices for well over a decade whenever possible (if animals aren’t present preventing proper stamping) to encourage letting go entirely “Go away!” Release whatever burdens weigh heavily on your hearts and mind.

Sometimes it might wind you, other times, simply contemplating stomping and shouting brings smiles, processing stress healing emerging naturally within us all.

Sending enormous love to everyone. Do whatever necessary to help your self and your Self. Drink plenty water, consume nourishing foods, act loving, be safe, creating welcoming environments, connect with loved ones and keep an eye out for others struggling too.

Sending enormous love once again! If found helpful please share with someone who might find it helpful. Look after yourself—I’ll return soon sharing more regularly scheduled content!

This episode of The Feel Better Every Day Podcast was produced by me, your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham. I hope that it was helpful and I hope it will encourage you to remember and connect with all the self care resources you already have that are helpful and that you take the time and look after yourself and nourish yourself and let yourself feel as safe, welcome and loved as possible.

My highlights and ACTUAL self and Self care lessons from my Season 1 guests

Thu, 15 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Thank you so much for listening and for joining me on this journey. This final episode of Season 1 is where I am honest about what I've ACTUALLY integrated from my gorgeous guests' episodes.

Scroll down for links to all the episodes on YouTube and audio.

WHO AM I?

I'm your producer and host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing (Pen & Sword, 2017), freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm also an online trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. Past Chair of BACP Coaching, I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

And so do so many of my colleagues. We're all human! So I interviewed several of them including neuroscientists, authors writing about health and wellbeing, fitness professionals, therapists, coaches, energy workers and medical professionals.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Evei at evemc.substack.com Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

Trailer for The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://youtu.be/0_6382uyTDM?si=liqi-wd9HX3oFbSM

Episode 1: IDEAL daily self care practises v the ACTUAL essentials

https://youtu.be/RmGUzy8Q56w?si=TQ5A-k2WdKugi1jq

Episode 2: Be Bad, Better with Rebecca Seal

https://youtu.be/5GRqqLk_h-w?si=z_2gbcnCDYQtrxBx

Episode 3: Caroline Shola Arewa

https://youtu.be/4Z1hgXyQzXY?si=eJjvo36IHlYHb4ql

Episode 4: Andrew McGonigle (aka Doctor Yogi) on being less rigid

https://youtu.be/wd4fHFoIrFE?si=ku8hGVPhNIIGeV7K

Episode 5: Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar

https://youtu.be/lhshfsLgC6I?si=5VaS1jzHwGI6sRwB

Episode 6: Sarupa Shah on self care and the art of doing nothing

https://youtu.be/rGTnuZrz7d0?si=1m55c5u6KHezs2-1

Episode 7: bestselling author Nick Williams on play and creativity

https://youtu.be/gWXOlExbz1k?si=IOgN1Vdg4FDPN289

Episode 8: Martine Henry

https://youtu.be/d8KH3Elo0wM?si=28EUF8YpxSbUKZtA

Episode 9: Priya Sher

https://youtu.be/q-jzLAApnrY?si=4Vef5d3Zyg-eWmzW

Episode 10: Paul O'Brien

https://youtu.be/PXOK5Gs6I54?si=9vktNIHu-VnPJN49

[no video for episode 11]

Episode 12: Emma Turnbull

https://youtu.be/xJnGidCFZSQ?si=J8iNJqxvn7ciT_fc

Episode 13: Veena Ugargol

https://youtu.be/BXVNce4Hggs?si=kaXsQDxcFtKF0r7A

Episode 14: Suzy (Sky)Walker's ideal and actual self care practices

https://youtu.be/om4gSkZ1Ri0?si=Uinb-uQ4lOtram79

Episode 15: Gill Fennings

https://youtu.be/6D95a3SN8xw?si=E-G3YvGPDfwEr0m9

Episode 16: Dr Dina Glouberman

https://youtu.be/-msvmtPQQPo?si=BpxYglcpctK-K47W

Episode 17: Kathie Bishop

https://youtu.be/-waf9GKMohk?si=cQhu8if2Lnbrf4DY

Episode 18: Marilyn Devonish

https://youtu.be/a09Mxdn_Pz8?si=RbPLuUkXXzZoUosV

Episode 19: Karen Falconer

https://youtu.be/e0SgwBRXMPo?si=Dc_afuhTCxDaSV7N

Episode 20: Dr Karen Ward

https://youtu.be/scvnM_X9mZY?si=Eq5JVFLMPq898aax

Episode 21: Leonie Dawson

https://youtu.be/Nl0lPi6BgDU?si=fhaQy7Xk2vCDfKu6

Episode 22: Chris Oxborrow

https://youtu.be/1luLt5aF8LU?si=VLDVL4tQ0ZbIIkR1

Episode 23: Josephine Hughes

https://youtu.be/EL7uJXvilxA?si=2NpWUaI6cPMjCg_3

Episode 24: Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas

https://youtu.be/RF5DAMsqye0?si=lOddpOJStCYwIcXg

Episode 25: Louise Lucas (formerly Louise Brown)

https://youtu.be/SYo05z69IP8?si=Wk4iUZ4b32dvADy0

Episode 26: Dr Sabina Brennan

https://youtu.be/U2UZ7WBw0FM?si=YPpY2IYeV78I0s6V

Episode 27: Grainne O'Neill

https://youtu.be/Qbdn8425Ef4?si=qnV_9HJzaMUz-d4l

Episode 28: Jayne Leonard

https://youtu.be/HAxVAkh1-Uw?si=liOIs6rURkQfK8fx

Episode 29: Medical herbalist and natural therapist Fiona Morris

https://youtu.be/yHQbopZ3jEw?si=h1pE_ezBhtbXD_xI

Episode 30: Mick Devine

https://youtu.be/hivI119QsCE?si=lU6OAbYHY8AdbEAB

Episode 31: Jane Travis

https://youtu.be/URkeQ03S_T8?si=vFY10i7DezNIWzfR

Episode 32: Joanne Mallon

https://youtu.be/iDUKmHd3FS0?si=GMRGUXuGm45V72vS

Episode 33: Colleen Kneafsey

https://youtu.be/oq_bezi2ZHw?si=AP9aCs9PgH6PXZ9K

Episode 34: Athena Sayaka

https://youtu.be/TTDkeuICJ_Q?si=Whqi65Yl5r8x4N51

Episode 35: My Season 1 Highlights

https://youtu.be/TIZb4qoxWKg?si=hG7KLefLWx_TLc2H

Trailer for The Feel Better Every Day Podcast

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/f065bd6d-6ef2-4130-8de5-2f4c95155d95

Episode 1: IDEAL daily self care practices v the ACTUAL essentials

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b61de7e2-3e84-4ba2-af6c-3c39da708326

Episode 2: Be Bad, Better with Rebecca Seal

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/8537fdd6-0e13-4af5-9c24-701942910365

Episode 3: Caroline Shola Arewa

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/afb5a34c-66b7-4411-97a9-4a448d28eebd

Episode 4: Andrew McGonigle (aka Doctor Yogi) on being less rigid

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/01ac831a-cbce-427b-97ee-1616e7436079

Episode 5: Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/df0530fa-9110-4cfb-b5a8-b892363fd757

Episode 6: Sarupa Shah on self care and the art of doing nothing

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a81d1145-5e2e-462d-8dd4-9852410e29ac

Episode 7: bestselling author Nick Williams on play and creativity

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a37b2caf-6f00-486d-9e1b-698308a10675

Episode 8: Martine Henry

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b8a0bab1-0b0a-4c02-a374-4cc8aa3831c5

Episode 9: Priya Sher

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ecfbed59-5ac0-4a16-a6c2-6a669d0e06ce

Episode 10: Paul O'Brien

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/def4c853-f188-42df-b165-2392fdd0c121

Episode 11: Jini Reddy

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/55b97819-6f1c-41ef-a840-1b4e0c89a2a7

Episode 12: Emma Turnbull

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/212145ef-0217-4f93-b108-7a80db612eab

Episode 13: Veena Ugargol

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ea0419a4-5dc6-428c-a437-7dc5a7af1c02

Episode 14: Suzy (Sky)Walker's ideal and actual self care practices

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/2d95314a-e00e-4e7c-b7e2-e8fe2b5eafe4

Episode 15: Gill Fennings

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/357973de-00dd-4adf-87ad-6aacd1b93f3b

Episode 16: Dr Dina Glouberman

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/02924939-4a12-4e9d-a1e3-cb891ac83a1f

Episode 17: Kathie Bishop

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/95a5302c-e0e2-4635-a4d4-5ec8521c41e2

Episode 18: Marilyn Devonish

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a1ea41c9-40e9-4aac-adcd-1589cad216b4

Episode 19: Karen Falconer

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/7f430bdd-a617-4cdd-bdeb-892aea4252e6

Episode 20: Dr Karen Ward

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/faaa1438-ce14-4a57-8be1-b136cc40e71e

Episode 21: Leonie Dawson

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/28c138ae-ac0d-412a-96c5-64b81a8cb81e

Episode 22: Chris Oxborrow

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/099d0f90-959a-447a-9d18-3ab2e8f8a591

Episode 23: Josephine Hughes

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/c1950fda-356e-4f2a-90f0-5a9e710559ae

Episode 24: Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/054bb3cc-0acb-4af9-9c36-56adc9e48b9c

Episode 25: Louise Lucas (formerly Louise Brown)

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/ea6daa55-dee9-4824-b2d3-ec94d46973b1

Episode 26: Dr Sabina Brennan

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/a572514e-b4a2-4cea-8db6-dcda647269e6

Episode 27: Grainne O'Neill

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/e8307e1e-f405-459e-b7e3-db647ba4b6fe

Episode 28: Jayne Leonard

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/6937b8e9-8479-4224-9568-0d33d8202762

Episode 29: Medical herbalist and natural therapist Fiona Morris

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/2578695b-c43a-4959-99d9-b8b31abd708e

Episode 30: Mick Devine

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/3ccabcc3-3bef-4792-827d-2826e5ac86a2

Episode 31: Jane Travis

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/4294d4e0-8250-4afa-b47b-5c3344ba9acc

Episode 32: Joanne Mallon

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/54d85b3a-0d72-4598-acc1-3c39a276b246

Episode 33: Colleen Kneafsey

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/b8bd8e05-8b66-4128-bc2d-1a051da50bc3

Episode 34: Athena Sayaka

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/11bb3194-92a2-442a-af80-ea21cb5a4c93

Episode 35: My Season 1 Highlights (this one)

Athena Sayaka talks creativity, Divine Timing, co-regulation and more as she shares her ideal and essential daily self care practises

Wed, 07 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Do you include other people in your self and Self-care? When do you feel most regulated (ready to thrive and flourish?)?

a) with loved ones?

b) in nature?

c) connecting with your Self?

d) in gratitude at being alive?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Athena Sayaka is a neuroexpansive practitioner and mystic. She helps neurodiverse creators develop supportive frameworks to honour their whole being as they navigate the world. In her corner of the internet, you are free to be fully you. We're talking about that complex, embodied, 'your raw power is kind of terrifying' version of you. Athena shares practical tips and powerful questions to cultivate a nourishing relationship to yourself, your mind, and your desires.

Find her on Insta @athenasayaka

And at athenasayaka.com

WHO AM I?

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

https://youtu.be/TTDkeuICJ_Q

Nurse and coach Colleen Kneafsey shares a 3 minute lymphatic drainage massage and other daily self care routines

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Did you know that lymphatic drainage massage has so many benefits and you can do it yourself, quite easily, every morning?

Which of Colleen's are your daily ideal and essential self care practises?

a) lymphatic drainage massage?

b) gratitude?

c) reading?

d) prioritising good sleep?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Colleen Kneafsey from Rise Strong Mind & Body Transformation online coaching is a nurse specialist with 23 years' experience. She specialises in menopause, diabetes, fitness, heart health and weight loss.

Find her on Insta @risestrongwithcolleen

WHO AM I?

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

Author, podcast host and coach, Joanne Mallon shares her ideal and actual daily self care routines

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0100

The author and 5 Minutes to Change Your Life podcast host, Joanne Mallon, shares her ideal and actual daily self care practices.

Which of Joanne's favourite ideal and actual elements are your favourites?

a) stopping and smelling and talking to the roses

b) rolling out of bed and into a yoga / tai chi practice?

c) gratitude?

d) early nights?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Joanne Mallon is the author of How to Find Calm and other books, a podcaster and one of the UK’s most experienced life and career coaches. She has featured in The Guardian, BBC News, The Independent, Daily Telegraph, Daily Express, The Mirror, Psychologies, Woman and Home, London Evening Standard, Red, The Big Issue, Sainsburys magazine and many other publications and websites. Joanne has also appeared on BBC radio and many other radio shows and podcasts.

Find out more at joannemallon.com

WHO AM I?

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

Author and podcast host Jane Travis talks boundaries, beauty, pleasure and relaxation as she shares her ideal and actual daily self care practises

Thu, 18 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0100

The Grow Your Private Practice author and podcast host, Jane Travis, shares her ideal and actual daily self care practices (and we chat about how much we dislike the term self-care even though it's essential).

Which of Jane's favourite ideal and actual elements are your favourites?

a) being kissed awake by a handsome man (woman / non binary person)?

b) luxuriating in a skincare routine that helps your skin?

c) setting boundaries with yourself (around time) as well as with others?

d) prioritising relaxation, beauty and pleasure?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Jane was a counsellor for 14 years and knows how hard it can be to attract clients. Now she’s helped hundreds of other therapists to grow a profitable practice out of their passion.

She runs the Grow Your Private Practice membership, produces The Grow Your Private Practice Show podcast and is the author of the Grow Your Private Practice book.

She lives in beautiful Lincoln with her grown-up kids and dog, Kim.

Links:

Membership www.growyourprivatepractice.co.uk

Website www.janetravis.co.uk

Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Grow-Your-Private-Practice-Travis/dp/1692305522/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/growyourprivatepractice/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetravis/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/CounsellorBiz

WHO AM I?

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast in 2023 because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do.

My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire.

Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast @evemenezescunningham

Mick Devine, addiction specialist, trainer, supervisor and Tabor Group Clinical Director shares his ideal and actual self care practices

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0100

How do you create stillness and make space for yourself and your Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) care?

Mick Devine shares some of the self care practices that continue to support him.

How about you? How might you find a way to prioritise stillness, space and PEACE in your life?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Mick Devine is a Counsellor specialising in the area of addiction. He is Clinical Director of a leading addiction treatment agency in Cork, Ireland, Tabor Group.

He has over 30 years of experience as a counsellor and has been a member of the Diamond Approach Inner Work School for over 20 years.

His particular area of interest is working with people impacted by addiction, their own and others. He is especially interested in working with people raised by parents who had alcohol use disorder.

In addition, he is interested in people’s ongoing personal development and how life issues and crises open opportunities for spiritual growth and development.

Mick is also an accredited clinical supervisor and enjoys delivering training focused on experiential learning.

WHO AM I?

I'm your producer and host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing (Pen & Sword, 2017), freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care (for 20 years now!), I often struggle. And so do so many of my colleagues. We're all human! So I interviewed several of them including neuroscientists, authors writing about health and wellbeing, fitness professionals, therapists, coaches, energy workers and medical professionals.

We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do. My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire. Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Evei at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Medical herbalist and natural therapist Fiona Morris shares her ideal and actual daily self and Self care practices

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0100

How do you navigate your self and Self (for that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself) care when life is incredibly challenging?

The fantabulous Fiona Morris shares some of what's been helping her through enormous transitions, grief and loss.

How about you? How might you find a way to both prioritise what will help you most while also giving yourself more grace around things having to be a bit different at this time?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Fiona Morris of Nourish and Flourish is an Indonesian / Scottish medical herbalist and natural therapist of 14 years. Also an intuitive guide, she's specialised in Tarot and astrology for holistic business guidance for over 25 years.

Fiona has shed and released her life in Scotland, and is gradually travelling through Asia to Bali with her husband. She's exploring a new life supporting her community of magical business owners and running sacred self care, traditional medicine and nature connection retreats in The Tropics.

She is the host and creator of the Divine Business Circle (that's where I met her online! Well over a decade ago now) and the Divine Business Journeys interview series on YouTube. Fiona is currently creating a community space called The Crystalline Collective, a new online space for co-creation, clarity and divine alignment to expand into your magical life and business.

Find out more at fionamorris.substack.com and @nourishandflourish on Insta

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Evei at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

COOKING as self care? Psychotherapist and nutritional therapist Jayne Leonard has revolutionised my LIFE

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Have you ever considered COOKING to be part of your self care?

I hadn’t but talking to Jayne for this episode has revolutionised my life! No longer seeing cooking as a chore and boring, I’m suddenly loving becoming more whole food vegan v the junk food vegan of the past several years.

Who knew cooking – this BASIC basic self care – could be so satisfying?

How about you? How might you find a way to reframe one of the things you HAVE to do so it becomes more fulfilling and potentially even fun?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Jayne is an IACP-accredited psychotherapist, a qualified rape crisis counsellor and a nutritional therapist registered with the Federation of Nutritional Therapy Practitioners (FNTP).

Jayne blends evidence-based psychotherapeutic approaches with nutritional therapy to help people better support their mental health. She has a particular interest in the link between food and mood, including the cultural, social, and identity-related aspects of food that clients bring into the therapy room.

Jayne also has a keen interest in research, particularly nutritional psychiatry, which studies the link between diet and mental health. She has published academic papers on the topic in both the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, and the BACP’s Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy Research.

In 2024, she received the IACP’s Research Excellence Award for her paper Staying in my lane: An exploration of counsellors' and psychotherapists' understanding and use of nutrition in the therapy room. She is currently part of a team of researchers who are undertaking an international study related to food and mood.

Find out more at www.ViveCounselling.com

WHO AM I?

I'm your producer and host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Eve at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAxVAkh1-Uw

EFT trainer Grainne O'Neill shares her wonderfully 'worthy' AND Netflix and chocolate cake ideal and actual self care

Thu, 20 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0100

When is it best to go for a long walk and when is it best to opt for a slice of chocolate cake in front of Netflix?

Grainne O'Neill shares her wonderful mix of what she calls 'worthy' self care and Self care (exercise, an embodied meditation to help her plug into the day's energies, EFT Tapping (of course), lifting weights and a 'gratitude countdown' to end each day.

How about you? How might you give yourself more grace when you're at your best AND when you most NEED that grace and compassion?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Grainne O’Neill works with people to help them fully be their authentic selves. Grainne’s interest in personal development, started a number of years ago when she became ill with Chronic Fatigue. Her work in the corporate sector in marketing, advertising and financial services had led her to becoming burnt out.

Conventional medicine was unfortunately unable to help her so she had to look at alternative therapies to find a solution. This journey led her to a number of different therapies and eventually to where she is now.

Originally, she trained in coaching, Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), & Hypnotherapy. However, once she learnt EFT tapping therapy, it immediately became the primary tool that she used for herself and with clients, as she found it to be the most effective way of getting to the root of getting to the root of the problem, and making permanent changes.

Grainne now works as an EFT Practitioner seeing clients one to one and also as a trainer for people who want to learn tapping for their own use, or who want to become EFT practitioners.

Her work is about getting back to the root of who you are at a soul level.

Who you are without the fear, anger, sadness or any other negative emotion or belief that is holding you back. Clients say she helps them to clear the pathway for themselves and give them the tools to help themselves. And that when the going gets tough and difficult issues have to be tackled, she does this with a light touch and humour.

I'm an EFT International Mentor and Advanced EFT Practitioner and Grainne has been MY EFT mentor since I moved to Ireland in 2019. I cannot recommend her highly enough if you're considering training in EFT yourself.

Find out more at https://grainnemoneill.com/

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join Embodied with Eve at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

'Sex is good for you,' says neuroscientist and beststelling author Dr Sabina Brennan

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0100

'We all feel more comfortable in our own skin,' says Dr Sabina Brennan. 'We don't sweat the small stuff.'

I know I feel better with each passing year as I get a better sense of what works for me and what doesn't (including navigating joints that didn't used to ache and eyes that didn't used to need reading glasses) but I've adored Dr Sabina Brennan's approach to aging since I met her the year I moved to Ireland when she was promoting her then new book 100 Days to a Younger Brain.

How about you? How might you ENJOY aging more?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Neuroscientist and health psychologist Dr Sabina Brennan is an accomplished, inspiring and entertaining, motivational speaker who specialises in translating complex, cutting-edge, neuroscience into everyday language to show how anyone can harness their brain power to navigate challenge, build resilience and optimise performance.

Sabina’s books ‘Beating Brain Fog’ and ‘100 Days to a Younger Brain’ are both Irish Times No 1 bestsellers. ‘Brain Gym: 40 Workouts to Boost Your Brain Health’ was published 2nd March 2023 and ‘The Neuroscience of Manifesting’ is just out now. I have my copy waiting to be devoured.

The Super Brain podcast, hosted by Sabina, has featured as an Apple ‘New and Noteworthy’ podcast and frequently features in various top ten podcast lists in Ireland and elsewhere. Sabina regularly offers neuroscientific and psychological insights on a variety of topics on radio, TV, as a podcast guest and in the press both nationally an internationally and has given hundreds of talks on a variety of topics to corporate clients, government bodies and NGOs.

Sabina’s mission to get everyone looking after their brain health as routinely as they brush their teeth has won her awards in recognition of the societal impact of her work and for her contribution to STEM communication including Science Foundation Ireland’s inaugural award for Outstanding Contribution to Science Communication and the Provost’s Award (TCD) in recognition of her contribution to Innovation for Societal Impact. Dr Brennan was one of just four finalists in the US-Ireland research Innovation Awards (2017) and was listed as one of Image magazine’s Women of the Year (2018). Two Irish books; ‘The Day That Changed My Life: Inspirational Stories from Irish Women (Black and White Publishing, 2019) and A Day in May, Real Lives, True Stories (Irish Academic Press – 2016) include chapters about Sabina.

Dr Brennan directed a dementia research program at Trinity College, Dublin for seven years and also led Brain Fit, a large-scale research study examining the relationship between brain health, lifestyle, genomics and dementia risk at Trinity.

Dr Brennan is a passionate advocate for brain health and a voice for the needs of individuals with neurological conditions. She represents Ireland on the Scientific and Medical Advisory Panel for Alzheimer’s Disease International and volunteers on several committees and advisory boards. She has advised the Irish Government & the All Party Parliamentary Group on Longevity in the UK on brain health, dementia risk reduction and healthy ageing.

Links

Super Brain Podcast

Instagram

Twitter

Books

100 Days to a Younger Brain

Beating Brain Fog

Neuroscience of Manifesting

Brain Gym

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

'My needs are high' says Louise Brown, the delightful queer, neurodivergent therapist, supervisor and trainer

Thu, 06 Jun 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Do you have compassion for yourself around what you need?

Do you embrace your own (if you have one) 'spiky profile'?

How might you just let yourself BE yourself more and own every fibre of your being?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Louise is a queer, neurodivergent therapist, supervisor and trainer who lives in Cheshire with her wife, Lego collection and a multitude of emotional support pandas. Alongside her 1:1 work with clients and supervisees, she offers training and consultation of neuro-affirming practice and supporting neurodivergent wellbeing. You can find out more about her at www.curiosityspot.co.uk or subscribe to her blog at https://curiosityspot.substack.com/

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com

Even if you're listening to this later, you'll gain instant access to the rich archive of recordings (upgrade from as little as €1.54 per week) and older posts (for all subscribers) from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Clinical neuroscientist and applied microbiologist Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas on his ideal and actual daily self and Self care practices

Thu, 30 May 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Do you follow your gut when it comes to your own self and Self care?

Do you know yourself well enough to know which foods and drinks support your mental and physical emotional health and which ones get in the way?

How might you get more curious (with compassion, not judgment) and make friendlier choices from now on?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Dr Miguel Toribio-Mateas, a clinical neuroscientist and applied microbiologist with a rich background in human nutrition, carries over twenty years of experience across a spectrum of roles in healthcare, science, and technology.

His work, deeply rooted in understanding the microbiota-gut-brain axis, delves into how food and lifestyle interventions influence mood, cognition, and behaviour. With a doctoral degree focusing on the gut microbiome and mental health, Dr Miguel's research, including his recent publication on ADHD in the British Medical Journal, bridges the gap between academic insights and practical solutions.

As a neurodivergent person (both ADHD and autistic), he uniquely comprehends the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals, infusing creativity as a pivotal tool for personal growth. His commitment to neurodiversity is further exemplified in his development of the "Thrive With ADHD” online course and his upcoming books with Jessica Kingsley/Hachette Books and Editorial Planeta/Alienta, aimed at practitioners and the general public, respectively. For more info on Dr Miguel, please visit https://drmiguelmateas.com

You can find his course Thrive With ADHD here: https://drmiguelmateas.com/thrive-with-adhd-course

And can follow Miguel on Instagram here: https://instagram.com/drmiguelmateas

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Josephine Hughes on being Gloriously Unready and Good Enough (Counsellors) plus her ideal and actual self and Self care

Thu, 23 May 2024 07:00:00 +0100

In an ideal world, how much time would you LIKE to have to indulge yourself each morning with ALL the self care and Self care practices you know you benefit from?

4 hours?

2 hours?

2 hour?

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Josephine Hughes is an accredited BACP counsellor and marketing mentor for therapists. She’s also a mum to three adult children, two of whom are transgender women.

Josephine has a podcast called Gloriously Unready which is about adapting to change. She has another podcast and runs a Facebook group for therapists called Good Enough Counsellors and is passionate about the difference that therapy makes to people’s lives and wants to support counsellors in their work.

https://josephinehughes.com/

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Neurodivergent therapist and activist Chris Oxborrow on her ideal and actual daily self and Self care

Thu, 16 May 2024 07:00:00 +0100

When it comes to your own self and Self care do you recognise whatever it is you need AND know that you deserve it? This can be a bit of an advanced practice sometimes!

Who helps you co-regulate?

Are you getting to know yourself and your energy - especially as it changes with perimenopause and menopause (for people going through it)?

Do you ever give into 'revenge bedtime procrastination'? (See Episode 2 with Rebecca Seal for more on this too.)

Let us know in the comments :)

TODAY'S GUEST

Chris Oxborrow is a neurodivergent psychotherapist who specialises in working predominantly with high achieving personalities, but also with neurodivergent clients and those navigating the menopause (sometimes all 3!). She supports clients to discover their authentic sense of themselves and how their needs can be met with more compassion and self-acceptance.

She also works as a Menopause and HRT Educator, supporting clients to discover how they want to manage their menopausal experience and how to access appropriate HRT related health care.

https://www.beyondcounselling.org/

chrisoxborrow@beyondcounselling.org

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

You can access loads of resources at selfcarecoaching.net and your whole self is also very welcome to join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Multi-passionate multimillionaire Leonie Dawson: 'I worked out really early on that it's way more fun to be ALL of me'

Thu, 09 May 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Are you being YOUR whole self?

Are you trying to do someone ELSE's self care and Self care (v taking inspiration but making WHATEVER you choose to do your own)?

Would you like it (and life) to feel more FUN?

Let me know in the comments.

Leonie Dawson is an internationally best-selling author of the 2024 My Brilliant Year workbooks (formerly known as the Goal Getter workbooks) which have been used by over 500,000 people worldwide.

A multi-passionate entrepreneur, Leonie has generated over $14 million in revenue while only working 10 hours a week. Leonie has been recognised for her business acumen by winning Ausmumpreneur’s People’s Choice Business Coach, Global Brand & Businesses Making A Difference Awards.

Leonie has spent the last 10 years living in some of the most beautiful places around Australia. She currently lives with her two daughters and husband on the Sunshine Coast.

Leonie uses she/her pronouns.

Find her at:

leoniedawson.com

leoniedawson.com/academy

brilliantyearbooks.com

leoniedawson.com/shop

@GoddessLeonie

Insta @leonie_dawson

TikTok @itsleoniedawson

Facebook @leoniedawsonauthor

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing, freelance journalist and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

If you’d like to create a life you don't need to retreat from and learn how to befriend and heal your mind, body, heart and soul, join the Embodied Wellbeing community at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you'll have instant access to the rich archive of recordings (upgrade from as little as €1.54 per week) and older posts (for all subscribers) from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Dr Karen Ward on connecting with the Irish landscape and sacred items as her daily self care

Thu, 02 May 2024 07:00:00 +0100

What would you put in your sacred bundle?

When did you last let yourself connect with the landscape you're part of?

Let me know in the comments!

Dr Karen Ward is a writer, lecturer, teacher, and psychotherapist. Trained in the Celtic lineage and Druidic traditions, she co-founded and runs the Slí An Chroí School of Irish Celtic Shamanism with her husband John Cantwell.

Her renowned Moon Mná Women’s Celtic Circles brings the wisdom of the Irish Goddesses’ archetypal energies to those whose hearts sing with Celtic soul.

Karen is author of Change a Little to Change a Lot, Goddesses of Ireland: ancient wisdom for modern women for adults and Glorious Goddesses of Ancient Ireland for children, the bestselling The Secrets of Ageless Ageing and the annual Moon Mná Diary-Journal as well as co-editor of Soul Seers – an Irish Anthology of Celtic Shamanism. www.drkarenwardtherapist.ie www.moonmna.ie www.slianchroi.ie

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

4.30am starts (by CHOICE!) and more of powerhouse Karen Falconer's ideal and actual daily self and Self care

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Karen Falconer is CEO of both ANLP International CIC and the NLP International Conference Ltd, Editor of Rapport Magazine and author of The NLP Professional.

She is qualified to NLP Trainer level and is a Professional Certified mBIT coach. Karen is also a founder member of the International NLP Research Committee, a Trustee of the NLP in Education Trust, a member of the NLP Press Editorial Board, a school Governor and winner of Hertfordshire Woman of the Year 2009.

Before taking up the reins at ANLP in 2005, she also accumulated over twenty years’ experience as a management accountant and ran her own business providing accounts services and training for SMEs.

Find out more at

https://anlp.org/

https://www.thenlpprofessional.com/

https://www.nlpconference.com/

WOULD GETTING UP EVEN A LITTLE EARLIER BE SOMETHING THAT WOULD BENEFIT YOU?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Multiskilled therapist and speaker Marilyn Devonish on dance breaks, breath practices and other ideal and actual daily self care routines

Thu, 18 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Marilyn Devonish, The NeuroSuccess™ Coach, is a Business Graduate, holds a Post Graduate Chartered Institute of Marketing Diploma. She is a corporate trainer, management consultant, Prince2 Project Manager and freelance writer.

She is a Certified Trainer of NLP, Certified Trainer of Time Line Therapy, Certified Trainer of Hypnosis, Certified PhotoReading™ Accelerated Learning Instructor, Archetypal Profiling, Archetypal Branding and Team Dynamics Consultant, Multi-Disciplinary Therapist, Certified Life and Executive Coach, and corporate Mental Health First Aid Trainer. She has been a specialist Remote Working Implementation Consultant since 2003.

She is also a practitioner in EFT, EmoTrance, DNA Theta Healing, Hawaiian Huna, Access Bars, Access Consciousness, Energetic NLP, Positive EFT, Past Life Regression, Opening the Heart (OTH), Future Life Progression, and Reiki.

In addition, Marilyn is freelance magazine writer, keynote speaker, and offline and online workshop facilitator. She has been in the field of personal development since the year 2000 after giving up her Chartered Accountancy studies to become a coach and hypnotherapist.

WHEN DID YOU LAST TAKE A DANCE BREAK?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Author and vaginal health herbalist Kathie Bishop on creating conditions for creativity and other daily self care

Thu, 11 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Consulting vaginal health herbalist, Kathie Bishop MNIMH is the founder of Into the Wylde, an award winning natural, organic and vegan intimate lubricant brand, as well as helping people with their vaginal health at The Wylde Herbalist.

She is the author of It’s Your Power Portal: Take Control of Your Vaginal Health with Herbal and Holistic Care, published by Aeon in April 2022, and is the recipient of the Innovation in Practice Award from The National Institute of Medical Herbalists in 2021.

Kathie truly believes that the world needs more feminine power, creativity, leadership, and it is her hope that through healing our, and society’s, relationship with the vagina, whose name is so often dared not spoken, we can have a greater impact for good in the work we create, do and embody.

WHAT DO YOU DO EACH DAY TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN INHERENT CREATIVITY?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, subscribing and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Dr Dina Glouberman on finding joy through burnout, the importance of community and ImageWork

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 07:00:00 +0100

READ OUR INTERVIEW IN PSYCHOLOGIES HERE

Dr Dina Glouberman is the visionary Co-Founder of Skyros Holistic Holidays on the Greek island of Skyros, and author of the classic books Life Choices, Life Changes; The Joy of Burnout; You are What You Imagine; Into the Woods and Out Again; and most recently ImageWork: The Complete Guide to Working with Transformational Imagery.

Dr Martin Rossman, leading imagery author in the USA, has said about ImageWork, 'In my 50 years in the field, this is the best book I have read about working with imagery for healing, creativity and personal transformation. A landmark book—I shall be studying it.'

Dr Glouberman is also the founder of the Aurora Centre for ImageWork in Puglia, Italy which offers ImageWork retreats and training programmes. She is an internationally known psychotherapist, coach, consultant, and pioneering specialist in burnout and in imagery. (www.dinaglouberman.com)

Dr Glouberman is offering a five-part Introduction to ImageWork training course in January-March 2024 hosted by Onllnevents; for information and booking please go to https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/cc/introduction-to-imagework-with-dr-dina-glouberman-2765779

She is also offering a 5-day Fundamentals of ImageWork in-person practitioner training course in Puglia in May 2024. For information please write to lynnljones@btinternet.com

Do you make time each day to imagine how you WANT things to go?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. Past Chair of BACP Coaching I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

If you’d like to create a life you don't need to retreat from and learn how to befriend and heal your mind, body, heart and soul, join the Extra Embodied (Wellbeing with Eve) community at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you'll have instant access to the rich archive of recordings (for paid subscribers) and older posts (for all subscribers) from the time you join.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, SUBSCRIBING and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Gill Fennings on gold standard self care being especially essential when working as a therapist, coach and supervisor etc

Thu, 28 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Gill Fennings MBE is a BACP (Accredited) psychotherapist, coach and supervisor. She has spent the last 24 years of her life developing, evolving and researching the fine line between therapy and coaching.

Through this unfolding evolution and reflective practice, she has developed an integrative blend of coaching, psychotherapy and consultancy, designed always to fit the needs of her clients.

In her private practice in St Albans, Hertfordshire, UK, Gill offers 3 main specialisms:

· EMDR intensive coach-therapy for couples and individuals

· supervision for therapists and coaches and

· executive and couple coaching

Available face-to-face or online.

Gill especially enjoys working for equality for women and other minorities in the workplace, as well as working with CEOs and senior teams to review direction, values and business efficiency.

She is passionate advocate and lobbyist for the safe and effective integration of therapy and coaching, following extensive research resulting in an MA (Distinction), in 2009 at the University of East London. Gill has lectured on both Coaching and Psychotherapy courses, at both Further and Higher Educational levels in London.

From 2000 to 2011, she was the creator and director of an award winning coaching service for women in East London with a team of 21 coaches. She received an MBE from Her Majesty the Queen for this work in 2010.

She served on the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) Coaching Executive from the creation of ‘BACP Coaching’ in 2010.

For 11 years she worked within BACP towards creating a professional pathway that could support the work of therapeutic coaches. During her year tenure as Chair, she lobbied for coaching to be included in the Ethical Framework (2016) and affirmed the vital development of coaching competencies to enable safe delivery of the integration of these two powerful modalities.

Gill is delighted that the BACP Coaching Competency Framework has come to fruition and uses it as a benchmark for all areas of her practice.

In 2020, she was invited by ICF to attend an extensive global consultation and working group responsible for the creation of their current revised core coaching competencies. It was a privilege to partner with representatives from all over the world in this process and an honour as a therapeutic coach to bring that perspective to a mainstream coaching organisation.

Tel: 07974734328

gill@counsellingforachange.com

Find her in the BACP Directory

Do you make sure you eat at least SOME nutritious foods? How does it feel to focus on choosing foods that nourish you?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. Past Chair of BACP Coaching (after Gill Fennings - Episode 15) I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

If you’d like to join the Love your WHOLE self 2024 chakra journey to befriend and heal your mind, body, heart and soul, you can sign up as a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you can still access these posts and more and you can join in at any time.

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, SUBSCRIBING and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Author and former Psychologies Editor Suzy Walker talks big leaps, heart leaps, meditation and more as she shares her ideal and actual self and Self care practices

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Suzy Walker (formerly Suzy Greaves) is a freelance journalist, writer, editor, coach and author of two coaching books: The Big Peace and Making The Big Leap. She was named as one of the top ten coaches in the UK!

Trained as a journalist, Suzy has written for everyone from The Sunday Times to Cosmo.

Editor-in-Chief of Psychologies for 8 years, she ran a dynamic virtual editorial team, created 1000 'happiness clubs' globally, and interviewed some of the most inspiring self-development greats in the world - from Brené Brown to Oprah.

She recently simplified her life and moved back to the wild coast of Northumberland and now works as a freelance journalist, writing inspiring stories for national newspapers and magazines. She writes a weekly 'Big Happiness Interview' talking to the wisest experts on the planet for Metro.co.uk and run The Heart Leap Club on Substack, a self development and writing community where we all endeavour to make baby steps to feeling happier every day, as well as getting our writing done and out there in the world. (I'm a member too and it's brilliant.)

Suzy is currently writing her third book about the year she spent on a canal boat with her teenage son.

She is also founder of the Alnwick Story Fest, a book and film festival lighting up creativity in the wilds of Northumberland.

You can find Suzy at heartleap.substack.com and at suzywalker.com

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW AND EVEN - IF YOU WANT TO - SUPPORT THIS WORK BY BUYING ME A METAPHORICAL COFFEE VIA ko-fi.com/evemc

Have you ever let yourself get CURIOUS (with love and compassion) about your own anger and other emotions?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, SUBSCRIBING and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

CBT psychotherapist, EMDR practitioner, yoga therapist (and more) Veena Ugargol on the power of compassion

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 07:01:00 +0100

Veena is a London based Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist (BABCP Accredited) and EMDR therapist with over 10 years’ experience of working with depression and anxiety disorders within the NHS and privately. She’s also a yoga therapist for mental health, speaker, lecturer and researcher.

Learning how to navigate and better understand her own stresses and anxieties led Veena to develop academic experience of psychology and neuroscience, leading to formal study at the Institute of Psychiatry, Kings College London and UCL, and she continues to remain current with both fields.

Her academic interest in stress and emotional trauma and their effects on health, combined with her experience and knowledge of psychotherapy, yoga and mindfulness and how these approaches can improve mental health equips her with a versatile approach to address a diverse range of group and individual needs. Veena has spoken about managing stress and worry at Google HQ in London, mindfulness at Kings College London and managing stressful transitions at Gap HQ in NYC.

Find out more at veenaugargolyogatherapy.com

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW AND EVEN - IF YOU WANT TO - SUPPORT THIS WORK BY BUYING ME A METAPHORICAL COFFEE VIA ko-fi.com/evemc

When did you last act as if you truly love yourself?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, SUBSCRIBING and joining us.

@thefeelbettereverydaypodcast

@evemenezescunningham

Yoga teacher trainer and Ayurveda practitioner, Emma Turnbull talks whole LIFE practice and more

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Emma Turnbull is the founder of Yoga Wise School of Yoga and Ayurveda, and proud owner of a beautiful dedicated studio in Mayland Essex which runs regular classes, workshops and teacher training.

Yoga Wise combines the ancient wisdom of both Yoga and Ayurveda runs the country’s first 500hr Ayurvedic Yoga Teacher Training courses.

Emma Turnbull is a BWY teacher, BWY Foundation Course tutor and also an Ayurvedic Practitioner.

Emma’s classes combine over 20 year’s experience of teaching yoga with the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda – so that each offering is seasonally appropriate and aimed at balancing the excess of the season, Emma draws on lunar cycles, seasonal cycles and the natural world to inform her practice and teaching, she believes that by combining Yogic and Ayurvedic wisdom, through simple daily practices, life can be lived to the fullest by each of us.

'I strongly believe that it’s the culmination of simple daily practices that make a difference, and that anybody at any time has the power to transform their lives using the amazing tools that Yoga and Ayurveda offer – I believe yoga is a lifestyle, a way of being, a gift for all!'

@yogawiseuk

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW ETC.

When did you last cut yourself some slack for not fitting in All The Things and instead make YOUR whole life a practice, gently reminding yourself to prioritise yourself and your Self THROUGHOUT the day (especially when feeling short with others)?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

I started The Feel Better Every Day Podcast because I realised that even with the focus of my work being self and Self care, I often struggle. And so do so many of my colleagues! We're all human! So I interviewed several of them including neuroscientists, authors writing about health and wellbeing, fitness professionals, therapists, coaches, energy workers and medical professionals. We ALL have gaps and even gulfs between what we would LOVE to be doing for ourselves each day and what we actually do. My hope with each episode is that you'll go easier on yourself and do something rather than nothing from your own ideal self or Self care repertoire. Create a life you don't need to retreat from! Let me know how you get on! I really love hearing from y'all.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Thanks again for watching, listening, reading, sharing, commenting, reviewing, SUBSCRIBING and joining us.

@evemenezescunningham

Wanderland author Jini Reddy on self care through reading and nature

Thu, 29 Feb 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Jini Reddy is the author of Wanderland, shortlisted for the Stanford Dolman Award for Travel Book of the Year and for the Wainwright Prize. She has contributed to anthologies, including the landmark Woman on Nature, and her first book, Wild Times won the book prize at the British Guild of Travel Writers Awards.

As a journalist and travel writer she has written widely for national print and digital media – everyone from The Guardian to TIME magazine. In 2019, Jini was named a National Geographic Woman of Impact. In her work, she increasingly occupies a fertile cross-cultural, cross-genre space where place, spirituality, and culture meet.

In addition to her writing Jini speaks at festivals and events and coaches aspiring writers. She was born in the UK to parents of Indian descent from South Africa and raised in Montreal, Quebec. She now lives in southwest London.

You can reach Jini on Instagram @jinireddy20 and via jinireddy.co.uk

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW ETC.

When did you last stay in bed in the morning to READ? I've been doing this again when I can lately and it feels like the height of indulgence.

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and am Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

@evemenezescunningham

Personal trainer, Paul O'Brien on gratitude, peace, connection and priorities

Thu, 22 Feb 2024 07:00:00 +0100

As a personal trainer and life coach, Paul O'Brien says he has a pretty simple philosophy: 'Invest in your health, your relationships, and your self development every day. I'm a proud husband, father, son, sibling and friend. I love to walk, run, sing, act, and spend time with loved ones and in nature...oh, and great coffee :)

You can reach Paul on Instagram @paulobriencoach

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW ETC.

When did you last feel like you were 'winning the day?'

I've been tweaking my own morning and daily and evening self care and Self care practices and routines as a result of interviewing so many experts from across the board and something Paul underlined for me (although I'd already started to do it) was about prioritising what matters most each day. I've changed the way I used my desk diary to help me focus more on this.

What about YOU?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing and am Editor-in-Chief of the Irish Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net).

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

If you’d like to join the chakra journey, Love your WHOLE self 2024, you can sign up as a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you can still access these posts and more and you can join in at any time, it doesn’t have to be while we’re working with the base chakra (moving onto the sacral chakra next week).

Feng shui expert Priya Sher on using music to amplify intentions, tuning into the day's energy and more

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 07:00:00 +0100

When did you last tune into the day's energy?

Have you tried face massage? Or massaging the internal organs with a weighted hoop?

As a full time professional feng shui consultant, Priya works at enhancing her clients lives by aligning their space to suit them to its full potential, using her feng shui skills.

Homes in London and abroad range from small studio apartments to large luxury developments, mansions and even opulent yachts. Clients include celebrities and visionaries including The Alchemist author, Paulo Coelho.

Find out more @priyasherfengshui on Insta and at priyasher.com

THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING. PLEASE SUBSCRIBE, COMMENT, SHARE, RATE, REVIEW ETC.

When did you last give yourself the time and space to catch the morning's (or any time of day's) energy?

Inspired by editing this conversation and being reminded of all my intentions to integrate so many new (to me) self care ideas, I heeded the birds' call at 7am (the crack of dawn in Evei Land) and told my partner I was popping out. I took my journal and sat in the light drizzle (it IS the west of Ireland) and absolutely loved the stillness, bird sounds and giving myself that extra morning space. And then I went back to be because I am NOT a morning person and I've been working crazy hours the past week again.

What about YOU?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

Temperature checks and giving yourself grace with Martine Henry

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Would you benefit from taking more frequent temperature checks yourself?

What about letting yourself DANCE?

Martine Henry is a multi-hyphenate creative. She spent her early career in publishing as an Editorial Programme Manger before shifting gears in her 30s and, sparked by a hobby, retrained to become a hat designer.

Having quit the corporate world she now divides her time between her two passions - accessories design specialising in millinery and being a Brazilian Samba dance teacher and coach.

Find Martine online: www.martinehenrymillinery.com on Instagram: @mchdesignstudio @martinehenrymillinery take a class with Martine at www.paraisosamba.co.uk

HOW MIGHT YOU GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE AROUND YOUR OWN SELF CARE TODAY?

Let me know in the comments!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

WHICH CONDITIONS SUPPORT YOUR MOST INSPIRED THINKING?

If you don't know, get curious. And think back. For some it's in the shower or bath - I remember an interview with Tom Ford and Oprah where he said he takes two baths a day!

Let me know! And please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY, SAFETY, SECURITY, DIRECTION IN LIFE AND SO MUCH MORE

Nick Williams on his ideal and actual daily self and Self care, the importance of play and creativity

Thu, 01 Feb 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Do you give yourself permission and time to PLAY?

Do you set aside time to do your best possible thinking?

After twenty-five years of travelling the world offering thought leadership as the best-selling author of The Work We Were Born To Do, Nick now works primarily guiding a handful of truly inspiring leaders who are stewarding innovative ideas into existence. These men and women love to be at their inspired leadership best.

Nick is the bestselling author of nineteen books so far, has spoken around the world, co-led London’s top lecture series on human potential for several years, been invited to speak within many household name companies. He has interviewed many leaders on their field and has been interviewed hundreds of times. Nick now coaches a handful of leaders of multi-million and in one case, multi-billion-pound companies.

Find out more at iamnickwilliams.com

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

WHICH CONDITIONS SUPPORT YOUR MOST INSPIRED THINKING?

If you don't know, get curious. And think back. For some it's in the shower or bath - I remember an interview with Tom Ford and Oprah where he said he takes two baths a day!

Let me know! And please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

WANT TO WORK WITH ME?

HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY, SAFETY, SECURITY, DIRECTION IN LIFE AND SO MUCH MORE

If you’d like to join the chakra journey, Love your WHOLE self 2024, you can sign up as a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you can still access these posts and more and you can join in at any time, it doesn’t have to be while we’re working with the base chakra (ie these next few weeks).

Sarupa Shah on the art of doing nothing and abundant self care

Thu, 25 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0100

When did you last smile at your reflection?

When did you last let yourself do NOTHING?

As a Soul-centered mentor, Sarupa Shah, Founder of the Soul Agency, helps visionary

women align with their deepest purpose, and helps them make money without

sacrificing their soul. Find out more about Sarupa's work at The Soul Agency

Want to work with me?

HEAL YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY, SAFETY, SECURITY, DIRECTION IN LIFE AND SO MUCH MORE

If you’d like to join the chakra journey, Love your WHOLE self 2024, you can sign up as

a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening

later, you can still access these posts and more and you can join in at any

time, it doesn’t have to be while we’re working with the base chakra (ie these

next few weeks).

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating

yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

While Polyvagal Theory influences my whole practice (and life), you might be especially interested in the Cattitude: Feline Better Every Day part of my work.

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life

you don't need to retreat from.

GIVE DOING NOTHING A GO

Even for a couple of MINUTES. Not meditating, not thinking, just BEING... How did that feel?

Let me know! And please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar on Polyvagal Theory and neurodiversity

Thu, 18 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0100

It was a delight to talk to therapist Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar about emotional regulation, Polyvagal Theory, neurodiversity and her ideal and actual self and Self care practices.

You can find her online at www.polyvagalteen.com

Join her with Polyvagal Theory creator Dr Stephen Porges for this unique online event

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/want-to-build-better-bonds-learn-how-creating-a-polyvagal-world-can-help-registration-807574064767?aff=oddtdtcreator

And find out more about her online programme at https://polyvagalteen.com/courses/xmas-bundle-practical-steps-to-sharing-the-polyvagal-framework-with-young-people-adults-the-neurodivergent-community/

If you’d like to join the chakra journey, Love your WHOLE self 2024, you can sign up as

a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening

later, you can still access these posts and more and you can join in at any

time, it doesn’t have to be while we’re working with the base chakra (ie these

next few weeks).

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care

Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating

yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

While Polyvagal Theory influences my whole practice (and life), you might be especially interested in the Cattitude: Feline Better Every Day part of my work.

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life

you don't need to retreat from.

HOW MIGHT YOU BE KINDER TO ALL ASPECTS OF YOURSELF AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS

EPISODE?

Let me know! And please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

Andrew McGonigle (aka Doctor Yogi) on being less rigid around self care

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

#embodiedwellbeing

Please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

FÁILTE! WELCOME TO EPISODE 4

It was a delight to interview Andrew about his self and Self care intentions and reality.

Andrew McGonigle is also known as Doctor Yogi.

Andrew McGonigle has been studying anatomy for over twenty years, originally training to become a doctor and then moving away from Western medicine to become a yoga teacher, massage therapist and anatomy teacher. He combines his skills and experience to teach anatomy and physiology on Yoga Teacher Training courses internationally and runs his own Yoga Anatomy Online Course. His book Supporting Yoga Students with Common Injuries and Conditions: A Handbook for Yoga Teachers and Trainees was published in March 2021 and his most recent book The Physiology of Yoga was published in June 2022. He lives in Los Angeles with his husband.

For more information visit: www.doctor-yogi.com Instagram: @doctoryogi Facebook:

@doctoryogiandrew

I'm really looking forward to sharing his delightful interview with you and as with Caroline Shola Arewa last week he talks about the difference between a very formal, very long daily yoga practice and a much more evolved decades later practice.

As you listen, I encourage you to think about some of your own self-care practices and things that perhaps you've been quite rigid about in the past.

How might you go easier on yourself now? So I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed talking to Andrew and let me know how you get on.

And if you’d like to join the chakra journey, Love your WHOLE self 2024, you can sign up as a free or Extra Embodied member at evemc.substack.com ~ if you're listening later, you can still access these posts and more

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

HOW MIGHT YOU BE MORE FLEXIBLE WITH YOUR SELF CARE ROUTINE AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE?

Leave a comment or get in touch via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

Thank you for listening.

The importance of rest with Opening to Spirit author, Caroline Shola Arewa

Thu, 04 Jan 2024 07:00:00 +0100

Happy New Year!

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

#embodiedwellbeing

Please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

HOW MIGHT YOU SEND MORE LOVE TO YOUR WHOLE SELF AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE? HOW MIGHT YOU GIFT YOURSELF MORE TIME TO REST?

I'm actively scheduling it in now.

Leave a comment or get in touch via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

FÁILTE! WELCOME TO EPISODE 3

It was a delight to interview Shola about her self and Self care intentions and reality.

TODAY'S SPECIAL GUEST

Known as ‘the energy doctor’, Caroline Shola Arewa is a highly respected figure in the fields of spirituality and wellness, recognized for her expertise in energy work. With over three decades of international experience and awards, Shola is a psychologist, speaker and author of five books, including best sellers Opening to Spirit and Energy 4 Life. Shola trains spiritual coaches and supports individuals to reclaim their energy, enhance their well-being and transform their lives. Shola helps you get your energy back and your life on track.

Find out more and take the quiz at

FB: https://www.facebook.com/groups/Well.Revs/ Web: Shola.co.uk Chakra Quiz: https://completechakratest.com IG: https://www.instagram.com/sholasays/

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

Be Bad, Better with best-selling author, Rebecca Seal

Thu, 28 Dec 2023 09:00:00 +0100

Thank you for listening to The Feel Better Every Day Podcast, helping you create a life you don't need to retreat from.

Please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

HOW MIGHT YOU CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE?

Leave a comment or get in touch via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

FÁILTE! WELCOME TO EPISODE 2

It was a delight to interview Rebecca about her self and Self care intentions and reality. Her latest book (see more below), Be Bad, Better: How Not Trying So Hard Will Set You Free, is out TODAY. Congratulations, again, Rebecca!

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

TODAY'S SPECIAL GUEST

Rebecca Seal is the author of 13 books, including Be Bad, Better: How Not Trying So Hard Will Set You Free and the bestseller, Solo: How To Work Alone – And Not Lose Your Mind, (September 2020) both published by Souvenir Press (Profile Books) in the UK.

Solo was then published by Simon and Schuster in north America and by Allen and Unwin in Australia, and has been translated into nine languages, including Korean, Vietnamese, Turkish and Chinese.

Rebecca turned what she learned while writing Solo and subsequently during the pandemic into a mental health workshop for remote, hybrid and freelance workers, which she has since delivered to thousands of people, from staff at companies like L’Oreal, Mozilla and MediaCom, to charities like AgeUK and institutions like the LSE. She made a successful three-season podcast, called the Solo Collective, which has been downloaded 100,000 times, to accompany the book, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, big and small, around the world.

Rebecca is also a food and drink writer, and has authored or co-authored nine cookbooks with the LEON restaurant group, including Happy Guts, a cookbook focused on improving gut health. Her latest cookbook, The Ginger Pig Christmas Cook Book, came out in October 2023. She has book deals to write a further two cookbooks and another non-fiction book (this time with Headline), in 2024.

She has been writing professionally for over 20 years and as a freelance features journalist works for all the UK broadsheet newspapers, particularly the Guardian, Observer and Financial Times, and for glossy magazines like Harpers Bazaar and Living Etc.

Rebecca explores topics including post-pandemic mental-health recovery, fat phobia, processed foods, the search for a climate-change resistant chickpea, digital amnesia, and food ASMR in advertising, as well as lighter subjects like household hacks, adaptogenic coffee, what historical figures ate for breakfast and what it’s like to work as a children’s entertainer.

An experienced broadcaster, Rebecca worked on Sunday Brunch, Channel 4, as a weekly expert for five years. (She now appears as a guest several times a year.) She has been on countless national and local radio shows, as a guest expert or showcasing her books.

Rebecca regularly takes part in discussion panels at live and online events and conferences, most recently for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office and the mental-health charity Mind, at the Press Club in Brussels, for a conversation about mental health in journalism.

Her degrees are from the London School of Economics (International Relations BA Hons) and Kings College London (International Peace and Security MSc, in the departments of War Studies and Law).

You can find her online at:

twitter.com/RebeccaSeal

instagram.com/bexseal

www.rebeccaseal.co.uk

IDEAL daily self care practices v the ACTUAL essentials

Thu, 21 Dec 2023 09:00:00 +0100

Thank you for listening. Please like, subscribe, share, comment and/or leave a review.

WHAT WILL YOU DO DIFFERENTLY AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE?

Leave a comment or get in touch via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

FÁILTE! WELCOME!

Am delighted to be launching this new podcast, interviewing self care professionals (from neuroscientists to authors, fitness professionals to doctors, therapists to dance teachers, coaches to energy workers and many more) about what their ideal self and Self* care looks like and (drum roll) the ACTUAL REALITY.

My hope is that as well as giving you ideas, it will reassure you that it's a matter of progress not perfection for ALL of us.

And it's better to do something than nothing. Am launching it today, on 21st December, 2023, in memory of my uncle and godfather, Tony Menezes, as it would have been his birthday today.

It's also Winter Solstice and a wonderful time to reflect on ways in which we can bring as much light into the darkness as possible.

*that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself

EP1

This first episode is a solo one where I outline my own delusions of ideal self and Self care and the reality. It's been an incredibly challenging year for so many people.

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)

What helps YOU feel better every day?

Wed, 20 Dec 2023 09:00:00 +0100

My hope is that as well as giving you ideas, it will reassure you that it's a matter of progress not perfection for ALL of us.

And it's better to do something than nothing. Am launching it on 21st December, 2023, in memory of my uncle and godfather, Tony Menezes, as it would have been his birthday today.

It's also Winter Solstice and a wonderful time to reflect on ways in which we can bring as much light into the darkness as possible.

*that highest, wisest, truest, wildest, most joyful, brilliant and miraculous part of yourself

WHAT WILL YOU DO DIFFERENTLY AS A RESULT OF LISTENING TO THIS TRAILER?

Leave a comment or get in touch via thefeelbettereverydaypodcast.com

TRAILER

This trailer briefly introduces the whole series.

WHO AM I?

I'm your host, Eve Menezes Cunningham, author of 365 Ways to Feel Better: Self-care Ideas for Embodied Wellbeing.

I'm a trauma therapist (with lived experience), supervisor and Self care coach (integrating yoga therapy, NLP, EFT and crystals as appropriate) helping people connect with and take better care of their Self. I run Feel Better Every Day with Eve Menezes Cunningham (aka selfcarecoaching.net)