There are just some scenes in film/TV that perfectly adapt the events of a novel. This extends to pornography. More on that next week…

TWD Fact of the Day: There is nothing redeemable about The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter.

Ahhh… spring is in the air. The sound of the ball hitting the mitt, the smell of the pine tar, the jock itch, etc. Pure ecstasy.

TWD Fact of the Day: The President pardoned Pete Rose. We repeat, THE PRESIDENT PARDONED PETE ROSE!

Do you have sequel-itis? Well, too bad as we’re gonna talk about how unoriginal Hollywood is anyway. There’s the door if you don’t like it… please don’t leave.

TWD Fact of the Day: Say what you want, the “electrifying” death in Jaws 2 was *chef’s kiss*.

“Butterfly in the sky… my ass can get just as high…” How did we not discuss this during same episode about TV themes!?

TWD Fact of the Day: Lex’s kid (w/ his recorder) could create a better tune than The Shield theme.

The west coast is on fire and the east coast is a frozen tundra. George R. R. Martin is sporting a massive hard-on right now…

TWD Fact of the Day: The Canary Islands are considered to have the “best” temperatures right now. Just sayin’.

Hey, Ghost! Wanna see a F-Art movie? Check out “The Money Shot” on Amazon for only a buck!

https://www.amazon.com/Money-Shot-Art-Hall/dp/B08DK1SMWV

“A bit of fury, Our Christmas Grandma can walk the truth.

Absence of demons

[Chorus] Oh down the ash of the seeker…”

TWD Fact of the Day: The word “carol” is believed to have come from the French word “carole,” which means a dance accompanied by singing. In other news, France sucks.

Chaos 2: Electric Boogaloo

TWD Fact of the Day: You podcasters were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should.

It’s our Annual Halloween Spectacular…

with three guests…

and by guests we mean the co-hosts…

and their weary producer.

We still have fun though and that’s what matters. And that’s the truly terrifying thing about this podcast. It consumes us…

TWD Fact of the Day: PSL > Mariah Carey.

Whether it’s heights, crowds, spiders or carpet samples, everyone is afraid of something. If you don’t… well, you’re probably a sociopath. Congrats? Tune into this week’s episode, where we discuss things that legitimately scare us. Yeah, we’re pansies.

TWD Fact of the Day: Tubariphobia is the fear of pickles. You’re welcome.

“Excuuuuuuuuuse me, princess!”

Don’t lie, you’d get your left nut for a Legend of Zelda TV show. We’re talking that and other video games that have been adopted for film and small screen. I mean, it can’t be worse than another retelling of The Office, right?

TWD Fact of the Day: “E.T. - The Television Adaptation of The Video Game Adaptation of The Movie Adaptation” would be amazing.

You can probably count the great book-to-film (and TV) adaptations on one hand. While we’ll humor you and discuss them ever so briefly this episode, our primary goal is to talk about the dreck this episode. A circle jerk this is not.

TWD Fact of the Day: The less said about The Garbage Pail Kids Movie the better.

Did your favorite TV show have a horrible ending? Get in line.

The only shows with “good” endings are the ones that never end. Death, taxes and The Simpsons. Regardless, we’re talking the worst endings in boob tube history this week. Join us for our hot takes on shows that have been off the air for at least 5+ years. Priorities!

TWD Fact of the Day: Contrary to popular belief, the third season of Ted Lasso doesn’t have an alternate ending with Ted, Rebecca, and jar of peanut butter and a strap-on.

We’re talking Internet Mysteries this week.

Mostly music with a little pornography thrown in. Heck, there’s even some crossover between the two. Would you expect anything less from this ragtag band of misfits? Unlike Raygun, we don’t disappoint.

TWD Fact of the Day: Art had the runs this entire episode. If that’s not an advertisement for Metamucil, we’re not sure what is.

And we’re back!

Not since Che has there been a more infamous trip to Bolivia. What’d we miss while we were gone? Assassination attempts, a sitting president opting not to run for reelection, the first week of the Summer Olympics… *yawns*

Let’s talk about the shiznit that really matters (and will be replacing us all soon enough): AI.

Skynet doesn’t want this smoke.

TWD Fact of the Day: Did you know Art, Lex, Producer Kenny, Tim, and Frank (new guest alert!) all went to the same high school and graduated within a year of each other? No, we won’t be performing the Full Monty.

https://suno.com/song/b9200707-9d1f-4797-8d59-f780c7203288

https://suno.com/song/eb8d8e23-c8f2-4af8-881e-bc272ad0f08e

https://suno.com/song/656b316e-a37c-484f-95cc-2526a484392d

https://youtu.be/Pls4nirb10o?si=mhxMZ8T4miytu1Qu

https://youtu.be/77B3POYSjPY?si=LDCD-RC0Qa-PTjUw

https://youtu.be/3SyzxwOjnUw?si=Wt_D0uL0lUTZSamz

The boys are safe in their last week in Bolivia, stick around for the classic episode The Olymipics.

And see you next week for first episode back!

(Original Show Notes)

Episode 058 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

What do you mean the closing ceremony was last night?

Today’s Theme: The Olympics. Team USA had the highest medal count for the 2020 Olympics held in 2021, because that’s the batshit insanity we’re dealing with.

Our first topic is non-enhancing drugs: why are athletes being dinged for this? Art loves his edibles and he wants to know why that would disqualify him from competition. We’re just going to overlook the fact that his edibles go by the street name “Little Debbie.”

Our second topic is the most ridiculous events of the modern-day Olympiad. Did you know pistol dueling and live pigeon shooting used to be events? We’re guessing Kelly didn’t as she chose to focus on the present. Or maybe she just really hates water polo. *shrugs*

Our third topic is a serious one FOR ONCE. Specifically, the mental health of our athletes. Lex takes all of the trolls to task for poo-pooing the struggles of our superstar athletes. Now, if someone could just get him to stop Monday morning quarterbacking…

Our final topic is the sport you feel you’d excel in. Difficulty: you have to create it first. Kat served us up, but we kept our choices relatively mild. Well, with the exception of Producer Kenny, but seeing as he’s the one doing the scoring here, we won’t count his severed toe collection.

The boys are on the run again in Bolivia, stick around for classic episode Dungeons and Dragons.

(Original Show Notes)

Episode 052 of That Was Disappointing is Live. Roll (69) for Initiative.

Today’s Theme: D&D. That stands for Dragons & Dungeons, ya goofballs.

Our first topic is your most fun/wasted day in D&D. It’s adorable that Art thinks any session of D&D wouldn’t be defined as “wasted” by the general public. He needs a real hobby, like stamp collecting. Hell, at least you’d be less likely to die a virgin.

Our second topic is your favorite character you’ve played. No, Chris R. isn’t talking about LARPing… it’s somehow even more pathetic. So, apparently everyone doesn’t play a Conan or Dumbledore-clone? Who knew!? Oh duh… I forgot about Legolas.

Our third topic is how D&D has affected your outside life. In other news, people who play D&D actually have a life. Good news for our freshest (read: least pathetic) panelist, Jon, who’s new to the game. Or did things already suck for you to begin with?

Our fourth (not final!) is your best/worst item in D&D. Does a MOAB count or is that just wishful thinking? Tim says there’s more to it than just pointy objects you stab each other with. Pffft! Unless the jousting sticks from American Gladiators are DLC, I’m not interested.

Our final topic is… why? Yep, our resident smartass/ jerkoff, Lex, doesn’t know a f’n thing about D&D, so he needs to defer to the rest of the panel to understand the appeal. Producer Kenny, perhaps you can throw someone a lifeline in the future. kthnxbye

Has everyone already cut the cord? If not (Lex), you’re doing it wrong. If yes (Art), you’re still poor. If sexy (Producer Kenny), we’ll just call you “Skinemax.” If you’ve read all this, just know this is a re-airing of our TV episode. Don’t have a cow, man!

TWD Fact of the Day: Who shot J.R.? Certainly not these guerillas in Bolivia. Stormtroopers have better aim!

The boys are hiding out in Bolivia, stick around for the classic episode TV.

(original notes)

Episode 064 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

We put the “boobs” in boob tube.

Today’s Theme: TV. Otherwise known as ye olde idiot box. I mean, we turned out fine, right? *sobs*

Our first topic is the popular show you felt was just the absolute shits. Reality TV, come on down! Speaking of which, we’re kind of surprised Art’s choice wasn’t Maury, given the amount of paternity suits he had against him now. Zing!

Our second topic is reminiscent of our show… it’s garbage. As in, what is your go to trash TV? Sean couldn’t live without the Travel Channel, given his penchant for paranormal programming. Guess that explains his affinity for being ghosted. Hiyo!

Our third topic is the decade of TV you feel was the best. Surprisingly, every panelist had a different decade. Lex’s was the 1840’s, but we still gave him an E for effort. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny chose the 1980’s due to his affinity for Mrs. Garrett. “Girls, girls, girls!”

Our final topic is the show that started great, only to end disastrously. So many choices, so little time. I mean, the industry is just one giant cesspool. Hell, the only show Ben likes is Let’s Make a Deal, and that’s because he was able to con a free trip to Aruba out of Wayne Brady.

It’s Lex’s wet dream, a re-airing of our initial discourse on the gentle art of folding laundry (w/ people still inside). Meanwhile in Bolivia, these survival skills are serving us well as we weather the current political climate.

TWD Fact of the Day: Chuck Norris has nightmares about Gordon Ryan.

(Original Show Notes)

Episode 128 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

It’s “BBJ” time, bitches!

Today’s Topic: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

AKA: the bane of Art’s existence.

Join Art and Lex, and a bunch of people who have kicked the latter’s ass on the mat, as they discuss their addiction. Yes, it’s the art of folding laundry with people still inside. Hey, we have representation from blue belts, purple belts and brown belts on this episode. White belts were too scared to join… black belts had better things to do. #achybreakyheart

TWD Tip of the Week: Lex has yet to suffer a single defeat in the UFC.

The boys are enjoying their vacation in Bolivia then stick around for the classic episode Heat.

Hot enuff for ya! Let us cool you off with a trip down memory lane. We’re (re)playing our infamous Heat episode during our sojourn to Bolivia. BTW, what great timing on our part, huh?

TWD Fact of the Day: How hot is it outside? Any resident prude Producer Kenny is wearing a thing.

(Original Show Notes)

Episode 161 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

Whiskey on the rocks… hold the whiskey.

Today’s Topic: Heat.

Yeah, it’s sweltering, but the surface of the sun is still hotter, ya babies.

Join Art and Lex, along with their frenemy Ben and the lovely Kat, as they chat about the sun and the havoc it’s currently unleashing on our pale blue dot. Oh, save it you climate cultists. Trying to blame humanity for the current crisis is like blaming the person who pulled the trigger when it’s actually the gun that fired the shot. Did that argument make sense? Ww always wanted to be in the Debate Club, if only for the groupies. #ladies

TWD Tip of the Week: The temperature drops 3.5 degrees for every 1,000 feet. At 6,000 feet, it is barely 70 degrees. You’ll be comfy at the top of Mount Everest. Dead… but comfy. ❤️

Our Season 4 finale. This may or may not be our last episode.

We’re still undecided. After all, the pandemic has come to an end and life has seemingly returned to normal. On the other hand, the world is still stupid and needs a reckoning… and we’re just the buffoons to give ‘em hell.

TWD Fact of the Day: Bolivia is lovely this time of year.

We’re talking Medieval Times tonight. It’s just a happy-little-accident this episode premieres the day after the House of the Dragon premiere. We’re not that forward thinking. And we’d rather talk about “dinner” and a show (featuring a bunch of Renn Faire rejects) anyway.

TWD Fact of the Day: Believe it or not, Iron Maiden doesn’t rock nearly as much as you remember.

We’re talking Natural Disasters tonight. What’s not disastrous? The fact the Lex is once again writing episode bios as we’ve told him he doesn’t have to write as much. #douchenozzle

TWD Fact of the Day: 200,000+ people didn’t die on account of Hurricane Katrina.

Will Lex provide notes for this? We'll see...

Nope.

G-Man > Titan Cameraman

Today’s Topic: Skibidi Toilet.

“Skibidi dom dom dom yes yes, Skibidi taupled dip dip!”

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they discuss the latest cultural phenomenon. Maybe you grew up watching He-Man, in which case you’re as old as dirt. Regardless, this is what the youth of today is obsessed with. We’d say this is proof that Generation Alpha sucks, but it’s not like we did a bang-up job rearing them. #getoffourlawn

Watch the whole series (as of now) here.

TWD Tip of the Week: Suggestions that this is all a fever dream of Mr. Hankey are unconfirmed.

*flush*

Today’s Topic: welcome to Toilet Month.

We’re so sorry.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they dedicate the month of May 2024 to toilets. Yep, we went there. Bottom of the barrel for sure, but you have to admit you’re intrigued. What’s going to be the topic every week? We don’t flush and tell. Just know that water is in the horizon. As is death. And something else… #skibidi

TWD Tip of the Week: If you still need tips after all of Art’s “Toilet Facts,” we can’t help you.

Bicentennial, ya b(r)itches!

Today’s Topic: Our celebration for 200 episodes of this malarkey.

Also, mimes. Thanks, Lex…

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with a motley assortment of their friends (including a newb) as they chat about the sticking power of this podcast. If you saw our ad revenue you’d understand we’re not in this for the money, we just wanna put a smile on your face. Albeit the smile Heath Ledger’s “Joker” liked to add. #whysoserious

TWD Tip of the Week: If we get to 500 episodes, we’re performing The Full Monty. ❤️

Brickweed.

Today’s Topic: 4/20.

It’s already come and gone, but you were in a haze anyway.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with a very special “mystery” guest, as they discuss ganja, roach, giggle smoke, etc. Are you down with it? If not, you’re a square. Or a wimp (read: Lex). Heck, even Carl Sagan partook in the devil’s lettuce and he was into space and sh!t. It’s not like it’s laced with anything… probably. #onlyliveonce

TWD Tip of the Week: Eight-in-ten Americans live in a county with at least one cannabis dispensary. In other news, Wyoming sucks.

If so, email pixiestickwang@gmail.com for a special prize!

We felt we've been silly long enough, time to be mature journalists and bring you hard-hitting news covered with tact and compassion.

TWD Tip of the Week: Diversify carefully and invest often and early. Your older self will thank you.

Who else spanked it to Grizabella?

Today’s Topic: Live performances.

Seriously, did anyone go to a school that didn’t perform Bye Bye Birdie?

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with their friend Kinky Kelly, as they chat about what it’s like to be a thespian. j/k It’s mostly griping about crappy musicals and Monopoly Go. Both of your co-hosts play the latter and will f- you up six ways from Sunday if you even think about stealing their imaginary money from their imaginary bank vaults. That should tell you all you need to know about their illustrious stage careers. #pencilsforsale

TWD Tip of the Week: It’s said that speaking the name Macbeth inside a theatre, other than as called for in the script, will lead to disaster. We’re talking of TWD proportions.

“You and Me and the Bottle Makes 3 Tonight.”

Today’s Topic: St. Patrick’s Day.

Truthfully, just an excuse for all of us (sans the lady) to drink in excess. Holla!

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with their friends Malicious Miranda and Terrible Tim, as they awkwardly start off an episode (w/o Art), drink in excess and… something. It’s hard to have perfect recall given the aforementioned booze, but rest assured, the soundboard eventually returned to save the day. Things just might be a little out of order this episode. And perhaps a tad unintelligible. So par for the course. #winning

TWD Tip of the Week: .914% – was the highest ever recorded blood alcohol content. *salutes*

Why do we celebrate the day or our problems started?

Today’s Topic: Birthdays.

You’re old… and fat… and ugly. Deal with it.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they chat about the opposite of our Deathdays. I mean, do people even celebrate this b.s. anymore? Heck, we originally dedicated this episode as a celebration for Cosmic Kelly’s “big” day and even she couldn’t be bothered to join us. Let’s face facts. If you’re not turning 69, no one cares. #nice

TWD Tip of the Week: “Happy Birthday to You” has yet to hit the public domain, unlike your mom. Hi-yo!

We’d definitely love to talk to you about out your car’s warranty.

Today’s Topic: Scams.

Those Nigerian princes are such kind, gentlemen…

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they chat about the swindles they’ve perpetrated, the cons they’ve fallen for and how their pee-pees still only measure 3 inches combined. The biggest fraud ever though? The fact you’re still supporting us after nearly 200 episodes. If we had hearts, I’m sure they’d be melting. Just don’t talk to us about our actual download numbers. #yourmomhasdownedmoreloads

TWD Tip of the Week: Pump and Dump is a double entendre. Giggity.

Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver need not apply.

Today’s Topic: Male Pattern Baldness.

3 out of 4 people (on our panel) hope that hair loss = babes.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with Boob Ben, as they come to terms with their alopecia. Well, everyone but Lex. For whatever reason, he’s hairier than a 70’s-era bush. Meanwhile, Art transformed from Dawson Leery to Carl Brutananadilewski seemingly overnight. We’d make a joke about Producer Kenny’s Head of (No) Hair, but we’re trying to keep him for more than a dozen episodes this go round. And Ben, well… #isadickhead

TWD Tip of the Week: You lose roughly 50-100 individual hairs everyday. Moreso if you manscape. ❤

You’d think we work in the current administration. Or the prior administration… or the administration before them…

Today’s Topic: Scandals and Skeletons in the Closet.

To be fair, is there anyone who hasn’t attended a donkey show in Tijuana?

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they chat less about the stories that rocked the British monarchy, Hollywood, etc., and more about their own insecurities. As an example, did you know Lex was a thespian back in college! Say no more, amirite? To be fair, Art was too… when he wasn’t bombing out of school. Fortunately, they have this great podcast to show for it. At least until their tryst with the Ghost, Meghann Ryan and the jar with Marshmallow Fluff comes to light. #ohsosticky

TWD Tip of the Week: Bob Ross’ landscapes may/may not have been clues as to where the victims were buried.

Diane was suckin’ on a chili dog alright…

Today’s Topic: Hamburgers vs. Hot dogs.

We should’ve had a Fatal Four-way with pizza and tacos.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with Boob Ben, as they chat about the most controversial subject since which came first: the chicken or the rooster with the throbbing, veiny ****. Truthfully, we should’ve opened up this topic to other variables like ostrich burgers, kielbasa, etc., but no, you’re stuck with the plain Jane’s. Don’t worry, there’s some coprohagia thrown in. Maybe don’t Google that word. #wewarnedyou

TWD Tip of the Week: Hot dogs really are made from lips and @$$holes. Probably.

Most of us are Scully’s living in a Mulder World.

Today’s Topic: Conspiracy Theories.

Thanks for listening! Or are we…

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they chat about the stupid things that stupid people believe in, stupid. Like global warming. It’s supposed to get hot in the winter and cold in the summer. Hoax! Also, JFK never landed on the moon and everyone knows it was Neil Armstrong shot Abraham Lincoln. #fakenews

TWD Tip of the Week: If your candidate loses, just say there were voting irregularities. Lather, rinse, repeat.

“Broke into the old apartment, this is where we used to…” JIZZ

Today’s Topic: Apartment living.

Jimmy McMillan was onto something.

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with Karmic Kat, as they chat about horrible roommates, communal restrooms and squirrels (!). Rent is due on the 1st, BTW. Unless you have one of those landlords that’ll accept sexual favors. In which case, feel free to send your money on something more enjoyable. Like a Nuru Massage. Or an enema. #youdoyouboo

TWD Tip of the Week: A giant cardboard box will always do in a pinch.

What—? No mention of bukkake!?

Today’s Topic: Japan/Anime.

How they haven’t Kaiju-proofed their buildings by now is anyone’s guess. 

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with boob Ben and dastardly Dan, as they talk all things from the Land of the Rising Sun. Well, maybe not the Yakuza. We’re scared shit of them, but pretty much nothing else is off-limits. Hell, we barely scratched the surface of this wonderful culture, so I’m sure we’ll have a part 2 somewhere down the line… probably after our special about Lichtenstein. BTW, the original Iron Chef still blows every cooking competition out of the water. #hillwedieon

TWD Tip of the Week: The Yellow Ranger was originally a dude. Adjust your spark banks accordingly.

Hot take: The lyrics to “Holiday Road” are really stupid.

Today’s Topic: Road Trips.

When you’re not only with people you hate (i.e. family/friends), you’re also stuck with them in a tin can.

Join Art, Lex, and Producer Kenny, along with rapacious Ryan, as they chat about the part you dread both before and after your vacations… mostly. This episode kinda takes a weird turn listening to pranks played on live newscasts. Let’s be honest, we might as well do an episode about Theoretical Physics because a) we’re Jacks of All Trades and Masters of None, and b) every episode goes off the rails anyway. But hey, at least there’s the sweet vocal style of Lindsey Buckingham to come back to. #Fleetwood4life

TWD Tip of the Week: If you have enough time to drive across the country, you have enough time to download/stream our episodes, bozo.

This year can’t be any worse than the last, right? *crickets*

Today’s Topic: 2024.

If our end of year recaps have taught us anything, it’s that every year has been a shitfest since 2020. Huzzah!

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as they chat about the year that was — the oh so horrible year it was. But there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, right? I mean, it could be China’s CRH380A Hexie (Google it!) but let’s hope it’s more like Switzerland’s Glacier Express. Bonus: 2024 is a presidential election year. #shootusnow

TWD Tip of the Week: Why stay up to midnight to the watch the NYC ball drop when you can watch our balls drop on OnlyFans?

Bah humbug.

Today’s Topic: 2023 Annual Holiday Christmas Party.

No orgies this year!

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, along with a bevy of their significant others/friends (and Ben) as they chat about the “hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye,” “you’ll shoot your eye out,” and “I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass!" To quote Captain Steve Rogers “I understood that reference.” #LoveActuallysucks

TWD Tip of the Week: Don’t forget there’s discounted candy in stores tomorrow… fatso.

Our kids are totally gonna dominate Chess Club. 

Today’s Topic: Youth Sports.

Wanna guess the odds Lex mentions Youth BJJ?

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny (featuring the lovely Kerrianne), as they chat about living vicariously through their children, hoping they’ll be the next Shohei Ohtani, Patrick Mahomes, Gordon Ryan, etc. To be fair, isn’t it the hope of every parent that their children have more success than they did. I mean, it’s gonna be tough to outperform an award-winning podcast (*coughs*), but we have faith in our kiddos.

Hopefully, their biggest accomplishment isn’t throwing us into a nursing home someday. #extrajelloplease

TWD Tip of the Week: The Sandlot > Little Giants > The Mighty Ducks

You down with BJJ? (Yeah you know me)

Today’s Topic: Gi vs. No Gi.

Truthfully, Lex looks hot (Sexy Lexy!) in both.

Join Art, Lex and Producer (!) Kenny, along with their friend internet- misconnection Ashley, as they chat about what attire is the most apropos for the dojo. A bunch of No Gi peeps canceled on us at the last minute, so Gi won by a margin of 2-0. What? You didn’t think Art or Producer Kenny had an opinion on this topic did you? The former is too brittle and the latter is too chicken to step on the mats. #internettoughguys

TWD Tip of the Week: Please wear shorts with your spats.

No love for Shasta?

Today’s Topic: Coke vs. Pepsi.

Get ready to throw your elbows!

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny and Jack-of-all-Boobs Ben, as they chat about the cola wars… or lack thereof. Yes, Coke reigns supreme for most of this motley crew of fools, but Lex has a hard-on for Dr. Pepper, which is really its own entity (though not for his lack of trying to shoehorn it into Pepsi). Kenny considers Dr. Pepper to be swill, but considering how many times he’s quit this podcast, what the hell does he know? #shotsfired

TWD Tip of the Week: The phosphoric acid in Coke is great at cutting through grease. And that’s what most of our panel is ingesting…

Now THAT’s an echo chamber!

Today’s Topic: Post-Thanksgiving Holiday Lull.

Bet you can’t guess how many guests showed up…

Join Art (and eventually Lex) as they half-ass another episode. Did you know Lex wasn’t on time because he was eating a Brussels sprouts sandwich? True story! That should tell you where our priorities lie, but you love us anyway. And as an added bonus, we have not one but TWO emails from the Ghost this week. Who is this man/woman/cretin? What’s their obsession with Lex’s (deceased) mom? And who was on the grassy knoll? The truth… probably isn’t out there. #dealwithit

TWD Tip of the Week: The older you get, the more you respect the Jelly of the Month Club.

Periphery rocks!

Today’s Topic: Thanksgiving 2023.

Lex is planning the cringiest feast since Charlie Brown. ❤️

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny, and bombshell Kelly, as they undue their top button and chat about their favorite fixins for the holiday on Thursday. Oh, and the Macy’s Day Parade. After all, it’s not the official start of the holiday season until Santa’s big red @$$ comes down Broadway. Bonus: There’s a mystery afoot and our humble podcast is going to solve it. Teri Hatcher (if that is your real name), your goose, err… turkey is cooked. #biggerthantheWarrenCommission

TWD Tip of the Week: There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who like cranberry sauce in a can and those who can suck a big fat one.

Back to work, ya hippies.

Today’s Topic: Strikes, Sicknesses and Shenanigans.

Huzzah!

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny, bombshell(s) Kelly and Kerrianne, and Jack-of-all-Boobs Ben, as they chat about unions (“What is it good for? Absolutely something! Say it again y’all”) and the benefits they’ve reaped for their members the past few months. It’s like that payroll deduction actually means something. Meanwhile, we’re just trying to find a way to write off Viagra as a business expense. #inchworm

TWD Tip of the Week: Feed a cold, starve the flu, but whack off regardless.

Grimace got a lot more love for his birthday…

Today’s Topic: Grinds My Gears/Lex and Art Birthday Medley.

We’re both old so the less said about the latter the better.

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny, bombshell Kelly and Jack-of-all-Boobs Ben, as they chat about a topic that would make Peter Griffin proud. Not to mention what knowledge everyone has acquired in their 40+ journeys around the Sun. For example, did you know that no one on todays episode had to hike 5 miles to school (uphill!) in the snow? They do want you to keep off their grass though. #legalizeit

TWD Tip of the Week: The Happy Birthday tune might be copyrighted but our outro music is in the public domain. Boner!

A podcast so hot one of the co-hosts had to remove their shirt.

Today’s Topic: Halloween 2023.

This one kinda goes off the rails considering no one really showed up. It’s like your 9th birthday party all over again. 

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny, as they chat about ghosts and goblins. No, not that hard-ass-balls video game, we’re talking All Hallows Eve. Although you’d be hard pressed to find anything as scary as a semi-naked Lex. Let’s just say it’s a good thing this show is made especially for your *listening* pleasure. #yourewelcome

TWD Tip of the Week: As a PSA, no one is putting drugs in your kid’s bag. Especially not in this economy!

Behold… Lex-Bot 3000!

Today’s Topic: HMO vs. PPO.

Yep, Lex got vetoed and we’re back to our old format. womp womp

Join Art and Lex, along with ex-producer (podcast)/current-producer (YouTube) Kenny, as they chat about the healthcare industry. No major revelations. Hell, 2/3 of your panel doesn’t even know what the difference is between the plans. But that’s not why you’re here. No, you’re here for the new AI portion of our program. If we could use one word to describe it, it’d be “glorious.” #sentientLex

TWD Tip of the Week: Lex-Bot 3000 would definitely have a threesome with Alexa and Siri.

Heavens to Murgatroyd, there’s war in the Middle East. 

Today’s Topic: Headlines for the week ending 10/15/2023.

Texas can go suck a fat one (F you Rangers/Astros). Art, that’s “sportsball” talk.

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends ex-producer Kenny and Cosmic Kelly, as they chat about the powder keg that’s the world. Hey, will there still be infrastructure to support the launch of this podcast on Monday? Hopefully, if only because that’ll mean Lex didn’t waste part of his weekend writing the show notes. Thats 15 minutes (okay, 30 seconds) he could’ve had back, ya know). #firstworldproblems

TWD Tip of the Week: Maybe it’s time to invest in oil…

It worked so “well” last week, let’s keep this stream of thought experiment going.

Today’s Topic: Headlines for the week ending 10/08/2023.

We recorded early, hence why we didn’t touch on that whole Armageddon in the Middle East thing. *coughs*

Join Art and Lex, as they (once again) go against their mission plan and stay topical, and thus, political. Hey, unlike MSNBC or Fox News, at least you’re getting an unbiased opinion from Art and Lex… thru hate both political parties equally. Almost as much as they hate the Kelce-Swift saga. Can we just get to the part where he cheats on her and she puts out a diss record? #prettyplease

TWD Tip of the Week: Death, taxes and this podcast.

“And now for something completely different…”

Today’s Topic: Beach Towels.

Please bear with us.

Join Art and Lex, as they go *completely* off-topic, talking about the government shutdown (or was it), U.S. Senator deaths/term limits, 2Pac, etc. Yep, we’re rebranding again. Or are we? Depends on the amount of downloads we get for this. Or if we actually come up with a suitable topic in the future. Or if we can get one of our usual cast of characters to join us in the future. We’re not biased though, a new toy is fun too. We don’t bite. #much

TWD Tip of the Week: Orioles Magic, baby! No, it’s not a tip. Still, eat it Yankees/Red Sox fans.

Today’s Topic: Procrastination.

Yeah, that’s the ticket. 

Join Art and Lex, as they talk about their little fu— err, “miscommunication.” Hey, you’re still getting an episode this week, so what are you complaining about? It’s even bite-sized, so you’ll be able to listen to the whole thing on your morning commute. #eatitHowardStern

TWD Tip of the Week: At least one listener has fantasized about having a threesome with us. And if the you haven’t thought about it before… well, you have now.

“Ziggy Zaggy, Ziggy Zaggy, Oi Oi Oi!”

Today’s Topic: Happy Hour/Oktoberfest/etcetera.

Look, we’re just looking for an excuse to drink. 

Join Art and Lex, along with a motley crew of their friends/ex-producers, as they down a few and wax nostalgic about their youth. How Chris has managed to stay the same (not sure that’s a compliment) but Father Time has ravaged the rest of us. Between thinning hair, expanding waistlines, “BBJ,” divorce, etc., someone/thing didn’t hold up its end of the bargain. However, at least one thing remains true… our love of booze. #andTheMoneyShot

TWD Tip of the Week: A century before Americans drank during “happy hour,” the French had “the green hour.” Some jokes just write themselves.

“All hope abandon ye who enter here.”

Today’s Topic: Rule 34.

Bet you never wanted to know that about Ralphie (from A Christmas Story), huh?

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Miranda, as they chat about One of the official rules of the internet…if it exists, there is porn of it. Calvin and Hobbes? Yep! Woody Woodpecker? You betcha! Wayne’s World? Schwing! Rugrats? Go directly to Jail. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200! #confusedboner

TWD Tip of the Week: Godzilla is THICC!

“We’re all mad here.”

Today’s Topic: Mental health.

Because in a year where we’ve lost Bob Barker and Jimmy Buffett, we could all use a pick-me-up.

Join Art and Lex, along with a few of their certifiable friends (*coughs*), as they chat about the steps you can take to keep yourself sane in this Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad World. A little short on jokes this week, but we make up for it with a whole lot of love. Think of it like those stupid f’n Care Bears radiating light from their belly badges… with a side of that hottie Dr. John Delony thrown in. #studmuffin

TWD Tip of the Week: It’s said 1 in 5 American adults experience a mental health condition in a given year, which means 4 of 5 American adults are full of sh*t.

If you or someone you know is suffering mental health issues or in crisis call 911 or 988 for help. You can also check findhelp.org and mentalhealthfirstaid.org for guidance.

It’s not me, it’s you.

Today’s Topic: Divorce.

Tammy Wynette sucks. 

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends ex-producer Kenny and (other) Ken, as they approach this sensitive topic from multiple perspectives. There’s two divorcées (one newly single, one since remarried), a child of divorce and… Art? Please don’t hate him because he’s perfect.  Lex’s “BBJ” instructor once told him that “60% of marriages end in divorce… in the other 40% everyone’s miserable.” #micdrop

TWD Tip of the Week: Look at it this way (if you’re newly single), at least you now have a shot with the likes of Britney Spears, Ariana Grande, Sofia Vergara, etc.

Maybe Lex should just get a bullseye on his back?

Today’s Topic: Tattoos Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

“Regrets, I’ve had a few…”

Join Art and Lex, along with a bunch of the latter’s friends from “BBJ” as they talk about their second favorite hobby… getting inked. However, the topic does veer off course and they do talk about Jiu Jitsu moves you can use in the bedroom. That’s the award winning commentary you can expect from your favorite podcast. Hey, you throw enough shit against the wall, some of it’s gonna stick eventually. Hell, if a room full of monkeys can type out the works of Shakespeare (given an infinite amount of time), who says we won’t provide next week’s winning Powerball numbers. #stonks

TWD Tip of the Week: You can tattoo your eyeballs. Still awaiting confirmation about Uranus.

Our spirit animal is the 1989 Fleer Bill Ripken baseball card.

Today’s Topic: Trading cards.

Why did kids stick these in their spokes anyway?

Join Art and Lex, along with their frenemy Ben, as they chat about cards relating to “sports ball,” Garbage Pail Kids and everything in between. Hell, if this podcast ever hits it big, maybe we’ll release our own set. We could even put pictures of our peens on short prints. They’d have to be reverse holos though, if only to draw attention from, err… what we’re packing. #sosmall

TWD Tip of the Week: None of your cards are worth anything, loser.

Death, taxes and… heating pads?

Today’s Topic: Aches and pains.

Finally you’ll have something to talk about at your next AARP meeting!

Join Art and Lex, along with the lovely Kelly (all for you, Ghost) and newcomer (and Dr.) James, as they chat about Dr. Sarno, their favorite pains (?) and other benefits of getting older. Like the Early Bird special at Sizzler… if there are still Sizzler locations. Hell, half the stores from our youth no longer exist. They’ve all been replaced by Spirit Halloween stores. Speaking of, do you know what Art’s going to dress as this year? A streaker! #isitcoldout

TWD Tip of the Week: Everything else may be breaking down, but Uranus is still a spectacular sight.

Whiskey on the rocks… hold the whiskey.

Today’s Topic: Heat.

Yeah, it’s sweltering, but the surface of the sun is still hotter, ya babies.

Join Art and Lex, along with their frenemy Ben and the lovely Kat, as they chat about the sun and the havoc it’s currently unleashing on our pale blue dot. Oh, save it you climate cultists. Trying to blame humanity for the current crisis is like blaming the person who pulled the trigger when it’s actually the gun that fired the shot. Did that argument make sense? Ww always wanted to be in the Debate Club, if only for the groupies. #ladies

TWD Tip of the Week: The temperature drops 3.5 degrees for every 1,000 feet. At 6,000 feet, it is barely 70 degrees. You’ll be comfy at the top of Mount Everest. Dead… but comfy. ❤️

Perhaps we should’ve held a telethon instead.

Today’s Topic: Brainstorming

The future of That Was Disappointing that is. No, we won’t do the Full Monty… yet.

Join Art and Lex as they chat about ideas they have for the That Was Disappointing brand. Can we even call this a brand? You think we’d at least need an official lunchbox or something. I mean, the goal is to eventually have a licensed sex toy like anal beads, but there’s nothing wrong with starting small. If our underwear has taught us anything, it’s that good things come in small packages. #growersnotshowers

TWD Tip of the Week: Our show will continue to be a good substitute for Metamucil for the foreseeable future.

Ba Da Ba Ba Bah… your arteries are clogging!

Today’s Topic: McDonald’s.

Suck it, BK!

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Kat and frenemy Ben, as they chat all things Mickey D’s. Unlike the McRib, we’re here every week. Unfortunately, we have the same quality control as the ice cream machine. We can surprise you though…. just like the Grimace Shake. Speaking of, did you know there’s a TikTok Challenge associated with it now. You should totally download this episode (and all of our others) just to get in on the ground floor of the next big trend. #prettyplease

TWD Tip of the Week: McDonald’s makes over $75 million each day. Nearly as much as Yo Mama!

Come for the earthquakes, stay for the wildfires.

Today’s Topic: LA.

No, not Louisiana, ya goof.

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Ashley (the former’s long-suffering wife), the always lovely Kelly, and Ben & Al (2 frenemies for the price of 1), as they chat all things about the City of Angels. Heck, 5 of the 6 people on tonight’s episode live there or spend most of their time there. Lex is the only lame-o. Shocking, we know. Should he bring his killer “BBJ” skills to the west coast or is there already enough beefcakes in the Beverly Hills zip code? Well, one less now. #RIPDylanMcKay

TWD Tip of the Week: LeBron sucks!

You didn’t really think we’d end the show without playing the song, did you?

Today’s Topic: Titanic.

Spoiler alert: it sinks.

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Kelly and frenemy Ben, as they chat about ill-fated submersibles, Rose’s boobs and Rose being a boob. “It’s been 84 years” since this ship first captured the public eye, and if recent events are any indication, its legend will never die… unlike Jack. #BillyZane4life

TWD Tip of the Week: 30 minutes without your cohost (and more importantly your soundboard) is weird…

Death, taxes, and these asshats.

Today’s Topic: Season 3 Retrospective.

Can you believe we’ve been doing this b.s for 3 years!? We swear the next 3 will be smooth sailing…

Join Art and Lex, as they talk format changes, garbage ex-producers, and fatherhood. The world has changed a lot in the last 3 years. Unjust wars, attempted coups, the McRib being retired… it’s brutal out there. We hope we’ve brought a little levity into your life during this darkest of timelines. If little else, at least you know there’s always our buffoonery you can fall back on. #chickeninthemorning

TWD Tip of the Week: OceanGate is advertising an immediate opening for a Sub Pilot. This is not a joke!

The answer to one of life’s greatest mysteries: He who smelt it/dealt it.

Today’s Topic: Whodunnit!

How are we still on the air!? Archeologists will be exploring this topic millennia from now.

Join Art and Lex, along with their frenemy Ben, as they chat about murder, disappearances and “BBJ.” To be fair, it is a mystery why Lex keeps up with it, considering how much he sucks at it. But the greatest mystery of all is “Terry,” who continues to torture us with emails containing, err… scheisse porn. What did we ever do to deserve this? Is our podcast so bad that it’s used to elicit confessions at Guantanamo? #whoowesusroyalties

TWD Tip of the Week: Nearly half of U.S. murders go unsolved. Sweet dreams…

We screwed up the first recording so here goes take 2!

You say BLT, we say Elvis.

Today’s Topic: Sandwiches.

Does anyone actually eat bologna?

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Ken and Art's better half Ashley, as they chat about tortas, paninis, grilled cheeses, clubs, piadina romagnolas, reubens, submarines… *loud breath* croque-monsieur, banh mi, po’ boy, francesinha, cheesesteak, cuban, etc. Hell, Lex hasn’t even heard of a quarter of this stuff, which is why he gave up on making any of these terms plural. That’s the kind of dedication you can always depend on from your favorite podcast crew. #pbj4life

TWD Tip of the Week: Art never met a sandwich he didn’t like… other than fluffernutter.

This will be a shitshow.

Today’s Topic: Politics.

Bring your popcorn… and your flame retardant suit.

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends ex-Producer Kenny and Kelly (we actually like her!), as they chat the swamp, debt ceilings, and sexy interns. Are we trying to get cancelled? If you’ve seen our viewership numbers, you’d know that’s not a major concern for us. It seems like everyone has an opinion about what’s happening in our nation’s capital. And you know what they say about opinions and assholes. A more apt description of Congress there is not. #clownstotheleftofmejokerstotheright

TWD Tip of the Week: No one in Washington D.C., regardless of party affiliation, gives a damn about you. The More You Know!

What do you mean we’ve been replaced by a toaster?

Today’s Topic: A.I.

No, not that horrible Steven Spielberg movie.

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Burke (long time no see), as they chat Skynet, sexbots and “They took er jerbs!” Hey, if the pandemic didn’t kill us, I think we’re safe from the vengeance of Roomba. Besides, it’s gonna take a while to

workout the kinks anyway, meaning we’ll be long dead and it’ll be our children (if not our children’s children) that have to fight the machines. #suckstobethem

TWD Tip of the Week: Google CEO Sundar Pichai claimed that AI would be more transformative to humanity (as a species) than electricity and fire. Still a distant second to Pornhub though.

Don’t blame us if you get a song (or three) stuck in your head. 

Today’s Topic: Tacos.

We’ll call it “Taco Thursday.” Taco John’s doesn’t want this smoke. 

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Miranda (yay!) and Ben (boo!), as they chat all things tortilla-related. Heck, even Chocolate Tacos make the cut. Art you hungry yet? We’re nearly at the halfway mark for 2023, so your New Year’s resolution has already been left in the dust. What’s one more item to clog your arteries? We’re sure this won’t be the one that leads to your quadruple bypass. #pinkyswear

TWD Tip of the Week: American consume 4.5 billion tacos annually… fattie.

Milestone, schmilestone.

Today’s Topic: Episode 150

Read that episode number again. It’s par-tay time, fools.

Join Art and Lex, and a litany of their friends, as they celebrate the show’s sesquicentennial. Embarrassing Art stories, the economics of baseball cards and the Writers Guild of America strike, are all topics of discussion. Hey, at least we’re keeping it topical with the latter. Perhaps this show should become a contemporary McLaughlin group? Lex already has the sexiness of Pat Buchanan down pat. #schwing

TWD Tip of the Week: Only The Simpsons has lasted longer than we have. True story.

Gordon Lightfoot lives!

Today’s Topic: Gordon Lightfoot.

Lex would really like a mulligan on 2023…

Join Art and Lex, along with none (!) of their friends, as they honor the life and legacy of Gord, who sadly passed away due to natural causes on May 1st of this year. And Keith Richard’s just keeps on truckin’. Pun intended. There’s a lesson to be learned from this… or not. #DrugsareBadMkay

TWD Tip of the Week: From the Detroit Free Press, “Decades ago, in the final verse of his most beloved hit, Gordon Lightfoot depicted a solemn scene at Mariners’ Church of Detroit: "The church bell chimed 'til it rang 29 times / For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.”

At 3 p.m. Tuesday, the bell at Mariners’ Church rang out again — now chiming 30 times to honor those perished sailors along with the artist who famously memorialized them in song.” *blows nose*

Cats rule, dogs drool!

Today’s Topic: Cats vs. Dogs.

We all have our preference. Well, except for that one weirdo with the pet tarantula…

Join Art and Lex, and their friends (and the former’s bae) Ashley and Kat, as they discuss the pros/cons of canines and felines. No one’s changing anyone’s mind (about their individual preferences), but I think we all agree on the fact that cats are asshats and dogs are dumb. That just makes them more endearing… especially if you’re a sadomasochist like Lex. #loveshispussy

TWD Tip of the Week: “The nose print of dogs, cats and other animals is unique – much like a human fingerprint.” Yeah, but what about their butthole?

Monopoly has ruined more families than political debates at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Today’s Topic: Board Games.

6 panelists and none of us mentioned Yahtzee or Jenga. Laaaame…

Join Art and Lex, and a menagerie of their friends including Kelly, Ben, ex-producer Dave and newcomer Pete, as they chat about fun ways to pass the time… other than whacking it. Seriously though, is there anything better than playing a good old-fashioned board game. Hell, it even trumps video games. (Drunk) Twister > Halo. But to be fair, Red Dead Redemption 2 > The Game of Life. #RIPArthurMorgan

TWD Tip of the Week: Battleship was a critical flop at the box office, but it still made more money than everyone on this podcast (combined) will see in their lifetimes. Et tu, Rihanna.

Rule 34 states there must be pornographic materials featuring Mr. Clean.

Today’s Topic: Spring Cleaning.

Out with the old, in with the hay fever.

Join Art and Lex, and their friends (and the former’s bae) Ashley and Kelly, as they chat about that time of year when you’re kinda forced to scrub the commode. It’s a pint-sized episode this time as people have beer bread to bake, dying batteries to account for, and bedtime to consider. Thankfully, this is a podcast, otherwise you’d understand why Lex needs his “beauty” sleep. In all seriousness, he has a face that launched a thousand ships. #intheoppositedirection

TWD Tip of the Week: Carpets hold a serious amount of dirt. About as much as Art’s little black book. Holla!

“It’s-a me, Lex!”

Today’s Topic: Mario.

You know, the OG of 8-bit. 

Join Art and Lex (you mean it wasn’t permanent?) and their frenemy Ben (again!?), as they chat about princesses in another castle, that stupid sun enemy and the mind**** of an ending to Super Mario Bros. 2. No love for the cape feather!? And what about Yoshi, ya asshats. It’s like these guys aren’t even getting paid for this. #cananyonespareadime

TWD Tip of the Week: Did you know Milli Vanilli guest-starred in an episode of "The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3? That’s enough internet for one day…

Join hosts Kenny and Ryan, along with Producer Art, as they forego guests in favor of hearing themselves talk about the Metaverse, April Fools Pranks, Chip Updates, and so much more!

Thanks to this week’s sponsors, RED BULL and the NRA.

Fortune bless this New America and the Empire!

We can’t make everyone happy. We’re not pizza…

Today’s Topic: Regional Cuisine.

Join Art, his almost-perfect-wife Ashley, Kelly, and Al as they chew the proverbial fat about food both local and exotic. But… wait, no Lex? Nope! He really got into the boiling pot this time and is back in the slammer. Not sure when he’ll be paroled, but we will regret his return when it comes.

So put on your lobster bib, loosen your unfashionable pants, and get ready to leave the table unsatisfied because that’s what we’re servin’! BOOM, roasted! Like delicious broccoli!

TWD Tip of the Week: Nothing brings people together like food. Especially free food. And orgies. Those work too. So have a catered orgy and you’ll be über popular! #sociallifehack

“The password is… Pathetic Podcasts.”

Today’s Topic: Game Shows.

We’re currently in the red, so it’s doubtful we’re sticking around for Final Jeopardy.

Join Art and Lex, and their frenemy Ben (again!?), as they chat about (legal) ways to make lots of money. Like, did you know Ben won an all expenses paid trip to Aruba on Let’s Make A Deal. He accomplished all that even with the restraining order that Wayne Brady’s taken out against him. #someguyshavealltheluck

TWD Tip of the Week: Ken Jennings win streak has NOTHING on our weekly episode streak. “Suck it, Trebek!”

*insert stonks meme*

Today’s Topic: Stocks.

Be honest, you’d be better served lighting a barrel (okay, thimble) of your money on fire. 

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Ben and Michael, as they do their best to understand the stock market. Think of it like the infinite monkey theorem, which states that a monkey hitting random keys at a keyboard will eventually produce the complete works of William Shakespeare. We know a thing or two about Doge though. #tothemoon

TWD Tip of the Week: Panicked investors didn’t really jump from windows on Black Thursday. Next you’ll tell us one of the Munchkins didn’t really hang themselves. Nice try!

Bet you didn’t know the ship sinks at the end of Titanic…

Today’s Topic: Movie twists.

Yeah, you might wanna stick your fingers in your ears. 

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Dan and Al, as they do their best NOT to discuss The Sixth Sense (they fail) and wax nostalgic about their own careers in the film industry. Hell, even Lex has an entry on IMDB. Except his film didn’t have any plot twists… it just sucked. Art would know, he directed it. #notevenworthyofaRazzie

TWD Tip of the Week: The real twist in Shuttter Islamd is that Leonardo DiCaprio had a wife his own age.

We know you’ve already broken your New Year’s resolutions, fatty.

Today’s Topic: Failed endeavors.

We’re approaching 150 episodes, so at least we’re not talking about ourselves. Even if we haven’t monetized this yet... Hmph.

Join Art and Lex, and their frenemy Ben (again!?), as they chat about failures, mulligans, and even more failures. But hey, you’ve gotta be able to laugh at yourself, right? One day you look like Dawson Leery the next you’re Uncle Fester. *coughs* Not that Lex has any reason to crow. This is the guy whose mid-life crisis has him rolling around on a dingy mat with a bunch of sweaty men. #CarelessWhisper

TWD Tip of the Week: Blockbuster once passed on buying a little known DVD-by-mail company named Netflix for $50 million. LOL

We haven’t been this stressed since the SAT!

Today’s Topic: Common Core Math.

What is it? I don’t think any of us are particularly sure…

Join Art and Lex, and their frenemy Ben, as they shoot the breeze about the gunk your youngin’s are being taught in school nowadays. And while you’re at it, get off our lawns. Unless you’re hot… then get into our pants. What do you mean we have to stay 50 feet away from schools? #25toLife

TWD Tip of the Week: Latitude: 40° 29' 17.99" N, Longitude: -69° 50' 59.99" W. You’re welcome.

“Qu'est-ce que c'est?

Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa”

Today’s Topic: Serial Killers.

We’re not saying ex-Producer Dave has any relation to Jack the Ripper, but we’re not not saying it either.

Join Art and Lex, as they chat about our obsession with these undesirables. You know, the ones that would decorate the top of their Christmas tree with your skull. Hell, they might even use your spinal cord as garland! Personally, we blame Anthony Hopkins and his sexy voice for helping these jerkoffs reach near cult-like status. That bad karma led to him starring in The Road to Wellville. #MatthewBroderickkilledsomeome

TWD Tip of the Week: Some people are attracted to serial killers. Ladies…

Mrs. Fields and Ernest J. 'Ernie' Keebler still have beef.

Today’s Topic: Versus.

We’re talking all scenarios, buckaroo. Even podcasts. *cracks knuckles*

Join Art and Lex, along with Ashley (the former’s very understanding/totally despondent wife) and Ben, as they chat about their favorite matchups throughout history. We’re talking When Harry Met Sally… with bloodshed. Hell, by episode’s end, your two cohosts with the most (read: least) are ready to challenge each other. Who wins in the battle between “BBJ” and whatever the hell it is that Art does? You’ll just have to tune in and find out.

TWD Tip of the Week: He-Man is still cooler than G.I. Joe. Don’t @ us.

We finally went there.

Today’s Topic: Flatulence.

aka gas from your ass, aka toot from your boot, aka hum from your bum ad nauseum...

Join Art and Lex, along with Ashley (the former’s very understanding/totally despondent wife), as we discuss the thing that’s a result of the musical fruit… or literally anything that Lex eats. Did you know there was a famous flatulist named Joseph Pujol? Homie could literally fart on command and lived from 1857 to 1945. If he was only born a century later… he could’ve guested on this podcast. #somestarsburntoobright

TWD Tip of the Week: Everyone farts.

“Smoke Weed Everyday.”

Today’s Topic: Drugs.

Both legal and illegal. What’s it to you, Narc?

Join Art and Lex, along with their friend Kenny, as they discuss all the good stuff. We’re talkin’ uppers and downers, and hell, even Metamucil might get an honorable mention. Whatever you want, your favorite neighborhood drug dealer has in ample stock. Just tell them Sexy Lexy and/or Party Arty sent ya. #aliasFTW

TWD Tip of the Week: The recreational use of cannabis has now been legalized in 21 states. This year’s slate of bake sales is going to be lit… literally!

We like to talk about things that have multiple meanings since we can't decide on one. Case in point...

Today’s Topic: Subs.

Four letters, a world of possibilities. Sandwiches? Sex stuff? Teachers? Criminal Minds reference?

Join Art and Lex Ben (sitting in for Mr. BBJ himself), along with friends Miranda and Kelly, as they start talking about the various themes under the theme, but unsurprisingly devolve into talking about awkward BBJ boners and other nonsense. Oh, and where is Joe? He's cooling off in the drunk tank after getting into an altercation with a policeman's horse over a bottle of Boone's Farm. He'll be back when get the bail money together... Maybe.

TWD Tip of the Week: Never look a gift, or police, horse in the mouth. Or comment about their genitals.

We kid because we love. But you can still suck our balls.

Today’s Topic: Roasts.

As in, talking smack about others out of “love.” We don’t really hate Ben. Or do we?

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Kat, Ken and Miranda, as they talk about some of their favorite zingers and point out their biggest flaws. Like Lex is just too good at “BBJ.” And Art’s Hollywood career has seen him spend too much time in the spotlight. That’s the hard-hitting analysis you can expect from this show. #betterthanyou

TWD Tip of the Week: Penis size should always be off limits.

Even Richard Simmons couldn’t help us.

Today’s Topic: Weight loss.

No, power walking to the fridge doesn’t count!

Join Art and Lex, and their same group of friends from the holiday episode (it’s like we record these things back-to-back) as they kinda stay on topic. Truth be told, it’s kind of hard for everyone to stay on topic when drinking is involved. It’s even harder for your cohosts to pretend they like each other for this long. Although if there’s one things they can agree on, it’s that their ex-producers (!) all suck. Although thanks to Kenny for joining us for both episodes. #hugsandkisses

TWD Tip of the Week: “BBJ” is a good way to get in some cardio. Just sayin’.

Same shit, different year.

Today’s Topic: Year in Review.

Things will get better next year, right? Right!?

Join Art and Lex as they look back at the year that was and pray/sacrifice to Cthulhu that 2023 will be their year. Their resolution is to get a million downloads (per month) this year. Hey, it’s either that or resort back to turning tricks. And that’s a road they’d rather not retread… for now. #SpringBreak99

TWD Tip of the Week: Only 364 shopping days ‘til next Christmas.

Hope you like coal!

Today’s Topic: Christmas 2022.

Hopefully, we’re not covering the same topics from prior years…

Join Art and Lex, and a bunch of their friends as they wish you a Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Festivus. Speaking of the latter, we’ve certainly aired our fair share of grievances this year, but it’s all in good fun. In fact, we even have something special planned for our Year in Review episode next week. That’s called a tease, ya jabronies. Be there or be hexagonal. #nailedit

TWD Tip of the Week: Christmas Story > Die Hard. ‘Nuff said.

It’s “BBJ” time, bitches!

Today’s Topic: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

AKA: the bane of Art’s existence.

Join Art and Lex, and a bunch of people who have kicked the latter’s ass on the mat, as they discuss their addiction. Yes, it’s the art of folding laundry with people still inside. Hey, we have representation from blue belts, purple belts and brown belts on this episode. White belts were too scared to join… black belts had better things to do. #achybreakyheart

TWD Tip of the Week: Lex has yet to suffer a single defeat in the UFC.

We’ve got something big and heavy for you to curl…

Today’s Topic: Weight training.

Because the biggest thing you lift everyday shouldn’t be your foot onto a scale.

Join Art and Lex, as they chat squats, kettlebells and everything in-between. At least I’m assuming that’s what this episode is about as a) it’s yet to be recorded and b) it’s set to post in t-minus 12 hours. Such is the life of the person who writes these synopses. Hell, I could probably write anything I want to about Art as he’s not even going to read this while editing. That’s the kinda quality we bring you every week. #allforyou

TWD Tip of the Week: Remember quality over quantity when it comes to reps. Even if it’s just a 10-pound dumbbell, dumbbell.

We’re thankful Tofurky wasn’t served at our table…

Today’s Topic: Thanksgiving/Black Friday.

We’re just as glad to be rid of the relatives as you are. 

Join Art and Lex, and their friend Ben, as they talk about a holiday (and shopping) that are a few days past, but at least we’re present for Cyber Monday. Maybe we’ll plan better for Hanukah/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Festivus. At the very least, we’ll need to stock up and glue and elbow macaroni for the presents. #hardknocklife

TWD Tip of the Week: Every time Mariah Carey sings, an angel plummets off a bridge.

For whom the bell rolls…though for us, a slide whistle would be more apropos.

Today’s Topic: Death.

Can we all agree that William Sadler killed it as the Grim Reaper?

Join Art and Lex, and their friend Kelly, as they talk about where they’ll spend eternity. It’s well known all dogs go to heaven (well, maybe not Hitler’s dog), but I wouldn’t hold out much hope for your favorite podcast team. Might wanna pack the SPF 5000…

TWD Tip of the Week: There’s only three constants in life: death, taxes and Spaghetti Tuesday.

Yo, we’re goin’ old school!

Today’s Topic: Master Debaters.

If you say it quick enough, it sounds like a double entendre…

Join Art and Lex, along with their friends Al and Ben, for this “very special episode” where they maybe/kinda/sorta go back to the roots of the podcast. Everyone brings a topic and debates it’s merits. It’s like the McLaughlin Group… meets Crystal Meth. Hell, Lex is so flabbergasted by the end that he even jacks up his weekly segment. #squadgoals

TWD Tip of the Week: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt… dumbass.

We need your reviews, like Lex needs a root canal. Oh wait!

Today’s Topic: Dentistry.

For when tying your tooth to a doorknob just doesn’t work.

Join Art, Lex, and their frenemy Ben as they talk their not so pearly whites and how they came to this sad state. Well, most of them at least. Artholomew is quick to point out his teeth are impeccable as he sleeps next to his toothbrush, much to his wife Ashley’s chagrin. If only his make pattern baldness was so easy to handle. #aswingandamiss

TWD Tip of the Week: Wayne Gretzky had three front teeth knocked out a week after getting his braces off. LOL

That’s an ugly mask, homie. Kudos! Wait — what do you mean you’re not wearing one?

Today’s Topic: Halloween.

That one night of the year when we all get dressed up for a podcast. Mensa candidates we’re not.

Join Art, Lex and a Who’s Who of their guests (seriously, who are they?) as they discuss chilling tales, such as the fact Election Day is right around the corner. Jinkies! As are Art and Lex’s birthdays. The sum of their ages puts them in octogenarian territory. Zoinks! But the scariest thing of all… the beating of that heart from beneath your floorboard. Or maybe you just need a new water heater? #PoeYouDidnt

TWD Tip of the Week: Don’t eat any unwrapped candy or lick any yellow snow.

We put the garb(age) into vint(age).

Today’s Topic: Collectibles.

Nipple tassels count, right?

Join Art, Lex and their friend Michael, as they chat about the Crown Jewels of their individual collections and the agony of realizing it’s no longer in mint packaging. Survey says we all collected something or another (even boogers) as children, and odds are we through something away that was valuable… dummy. #backtothecoalmines

TWD Tip of the Week: Your beanie baby collection is worthless.

You’re gonna need a cold shower after this one…

Today’s Topic: Personal hygiene.

Why you’re coming to us for advice is anyones guess.

Join Art, Lex, and their friend Ken, as they chat about their freshness or lack thereof. And hey, we cover fisting and hemorrhoids too. We’re a jack of all trades when it comes to advice. You should definitely jump off that bridge, BTW. #peerpressure

TWD Tip of the Week: Last week’s suggestion was prophetic, so it’s worth repeating again, “Cleanliness is godliness. So make sure you wash your ass!”

And now for something completely different…

Today’s Topic: Hodgepodge Part XXVI (or thereabouts).

From nuclear war to vacation plans, we’ve got you covered. You think we’re joking!?

Join Art and Lex as they meet for their first-ever daytime convo. The former had (bull)shit to do, so our recording schedule was a little wonky (and sober) this week. Being a teetotaler sucks. At least we’re high on life. But not glue. 😞 #pickedthewrongweek

TWD Tip of the Week: Cleanliness is godliness. So make sure you wash your ass!

Our viewership is harder to find than one of those 12-foot skeletons from Home Depot. 

Today’s Topic: Fall.

The one time of the year that wearing a hoodie is apropos… weirdo. 

Join Art, Lex, and their guests ex-producer Kenny (!), Ryan and Kelly, as they talk about the season that’s not too hot or too cold but somewhere in between. Here’s hoping you enjoy all two weeks of it before it turns into the dead of winter. It feels like the mild seasons (Fall and Spring) get shorter-and-shorter every year… kind of like your lifespan. #truthhurts

TWD Tip of the Week: How do you leave an idiot hanging in suspense?

Answer: What is this podcast?

Today’s Topic: Weird Human Behaviors. (aka Joe Has OCD)

HA! See what we did there? R.I.P. Alex Trebek.

Join Art, Lex, and their guests Ben and Kat, as they chat about some of the oddball things related to the human experience. For example, why did Lex’s laptop decide to crap out, making this a total shitfest of a recording session? Isn’t Kat too glamorous for this show? Why do we keep Ben around? And Art… never change. #dick

TWD Tip of the Week: Every street has that one crazy neighbor. If your street doesn’t… *coughs*

We missed a golden opportunity to use Ride of the Valkyries as our intro music…

Today’s Topic: War.

Shouldn’t all our tax dollars go into cloning Chuck Norris for this endeavor?

Join Art and Lex (no guests this time as they’re all flower children) as they debate war… good thing neither of them has access to nuclear weapons. Hey, cooler heads will prevail in the world and we’ll all join hands and sing “Kumbaya,” right? For the record, we’re being facetious. But as long as one of us gets to ride an atomic bomb (*hat tip Dr. Strangelove*) in the end, can you really consider it a life wasted?

TWD Tip of the Week: The Germans came close to developing plutonium during World War II. I did nazi that coming. *rimshot*

Tell us more about this belly button lint collection…

Today’s Topic: Leisure.

As if you needed another reason to sit on your ass, ya oaf.

Join Art, Lex, and their guests Ashley (the former’s despondent wife) and Kat, as they chat about their favorite hobbies, least favorite hobbies and everything in between. Like, did you know geocaching is a thing? I mean, you’re likely to get eaten by a bear but you do you, boo. To be fair, with the current state of the world, perhaps being Yogi’s snack would be preferable. #sweetoblivion

TWD Tip of the Week: Margaritaville isn’t a song… it’s a way of life. Jimmy Buffett-4-Ever!

Alice Cooper sang, “School’s been blown to pieces.” We’re not gonna touch that one with a ten-foot pole. 

Today’s Topic: Back to school.

Hey, are Trapper Keepers still a thing?

Join Art, Lex, and their guests Ashley (the former’s despairing wife) and Ben (the latter’s frenemy) as they discuss the drizzling sh!ts that’s the academic calendar. Was everyone Pizza Day on Friday? Did any one else’s cafeteria serve Fiestata? Why did I write this in an empty stomach? And for that matter, can someone please let me out of the locker? #morethingschange

TWD Tip of the Week: States still using corporal punishment (in schools) tend to be concentrated in the South… much like Whataburger.

The meaning of life is not to die at your desk, right? Right!?

Today’s Topic: Bad jobs.

Surprisingly, fluffer didn’t make the list.

Join Art, Lex, and their guests Kelly (yay!) and Ben (boo!), as they discuss some of the worse positions they’ve ever held. Remember when you thought nothing could be worse than school? LOL

But hey, you’ve still got your youth (or not) and vigor (flaccid eggplant), so that’s something. How long is a socially acceptable time to cry in the shower? #TobiasFünke

TWD Tip of the Week: The cemetery is full of indispensable people. Take an extra half hour for lunch.

The Mothman predicted this podcast…

Today’s Topic: Cryptids.

Like Fox Mulder, we want to believe. Like Dana Scully, we’re skeptical and also hotties!

Join Art, Lex, and their guest Miranda as they discuss the creatures that may or may not exist on the fringes of society. Hey, remember a hundred (or so) episodes ago when we watched a porno featuring Bigfoot. We’re not saying that special moment wasn’t the inspiration for this episode… but we’re not saying it wasn’t either. #callback

TWD Tip of the Week: Be the cryptid you’d want to see in the woods. ❤️

Who ordered a sausage fest with a side of sexiness?

Today’s Topic: Celebrity Sex Tapes.

Rule 34. ‘Nuff said.

Join Art and Lex as they welcome two guests this week (Al and Ben) for this very special episode. We’re bringing sexy back. Dad bods are in fashion, right? Hell, since we recorded this episode, Tommy Lee (not Jones) is in the news again for another picture of his wang. #topical

TWD Tip of the Week: Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Around the Corner, Fudge is Made.

We’re the black fly in Alanis Morissette’s Chardonnay. Better than a death row pardon two minutes too late…

Today’s Topic: Alcohol and Hangovers.

Hey, drink enough and I promise you we’ll both start to look good. ❤️

Join Art and Lex and guest Kevin as they chat about booze and it’s aftermath. The former we can’t get enough of, the latter makes us hate our existence… until we decide to imbibe again. It’s a very abusive relationship. Just like the one we have with our listener-ship. Would someone please email us at pixiestickwang@gmail.com!? #prettyplease

TWD Tip of the Week: “Red sky at night, sailors' delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.” You’re welcome, homie(s).

Yeah, 6-hour car rides are the pits, but you could spend that time binging our show. Try not to laugh so hard you run off the road!

Today’s Topic: Vacations.

“I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.” We’re so sorry…

Join Art and Lex and new guests Anastasia and Michael as they chat about vacay. You know, the thing we save up hundreds (if not thousands) of $ for every year, only so we come back home more exhausted than we were to begin with. And we have to spend it with family members too. #notsofriendlyskies

TWD Tip of the Week: You have a better chance of being eaten by a bear while camping than you do winning the Mega Millions jackpot. Cha-ching!

Be sure to catch Michael on “Snake in the Grass” on USA!

We’ve got more staying power than Pan Am.

Today’s Topic: Air Travel.

The TSA agents have given us more action than we’ve seen in a long, long time. 

Join Art and Lex and new guest Miranda as they chat about everyone’s least favorite part of vacation. I mean, unless you prefer endless layovers and paying hundreds (if not thousands) of dinero for a bag of peanuts, thimble full of cola and zero leg space. Speaking of Miranda, it’s Art’s worst nightmare… she’s a fellow “BBJ” practitioner like Lex. This podcast has finally become everything our dim-witted cohost ever envisioned. #bjj4life

TWD Tip of the Week: You didn’t really lose your luggage; your luggage just found a happy home.

Hey, did you know it only took the deadliest pandemic in a century to bring us into your homes?

Today’s Topic: COVID-19.

This thing has more staying power than Justin Timberlake!

Join Art and Lex as they chat about the longest two weeks to flatten the curve ever. Oh, those blissful days of yore when everyone gave each other a six-foot berth. How we romanticize that time… because we’re anti-social, get it? #wockawocka

TWD Tip of the Week: The Yo Mama variant is very disappointed about your life choices… also her belt size is equator.

Let’s be honest, we’re ALL on the naughty list.

Today’s Topic: Holidays.

If Thanksgiving is late this year, we riot!

Join Art, Lex, and Ben (Happy Hanukkah!) as they chat about their favorite holidays, their sexiest Halloween costumes and the best place to hide an Easter egg that doesn’t involve your ass. #goodtimes

TWD Tip of the Week: Only 167 shopping days until Christmas. That’d be accurate information if you downloaded this episode (and read the liner notes) the day it was posted. Wouldn’t you?

New season, same b.s. You know you love us.

Today’s Topic: Producers.

We’ve got a new one (Hi Dan!)… until we don’t (Bye Dan?)… it’s awkward.

Join Art, Lex, and a cavalcade (back-to-back weeks, baby!) of guests as they chat with our brand new (and now dearly departed) Producer. What is it that drives him over the edge? Art’s luscious locks? Lex’s innate sexiness? Or perhaps he’s just a quitter? If there’s one silver lining, we’re now only one Producer away from completing our Mount Rushmore of buffoonery. #squadgoals

TWD Tip of the Week: 80% of Apple podcasters quit after their first episode. At least we’re persistent!

Two whole years in the can/down the drain. Huzzah!

Today’s Topic: Our year (or two) in review.

Come for the laughs, commiserate with the sadness.

Join Art, Lex, and a cavalcade of guests new-and-old as they talk about the show and what it means to them. It actually brings one of our panelists to tears. True story, bro. Or maybe that was just Art remembering what he used to look like. #sad

TWD Tip of the Week: Lex has made approximately 6,148 references to BBJ since this podcast launched. Ironically, this is the same number of times he’s been submitted.

If Mac Tonight didn’t give you nightmares, we sure as hell will.

Today’s Topic: Fast food.

So, it cuts a year (or ten) off your life. BFD! Isn’t a double whopper in the present more important than your grandkid’s graduation anyway? 

Americans might be fat, ugly and stupid, but at least we know how to eat, pal. Don’t you know obesity was once considered a status symbol? We’re just getting ahead of the curve for the new world order. The rest of you skinny-Minnie’s will have to deal with the consequences when you’re lined up against the wall.

Join Art, Lex, and BIG Ben as they discuss who has the best Whopper (LOL WUT), chicken nuggies and chocolate shakes. Considering we all have doubts about reaching 70 (literally touched on in the episode), you couldn’t ask for a better panel of experts. Now, just where is the McRib nowadays… ?

TWD Tip of the Week: Never hold the pickles, heathen.

Check out BIG Ben Kennedy's podcast!

Our best advice for living off the grid? Lots of clean underwear. Either that or going commando.

Today’s Topic: Survivalism.

But let’s be honest. If you’re coming to us, you’re f-Ed already.

Whether the bombs have started to fall or you’re tired of those “gubment folks” in D.C. telling you how to live your life, it’s best to have some knowledge of living off the land. Like what mushrooms are edible. Or what poison dart frog poison gives you the best high!

Join Art, Lex, and Tim as they discuss what you can compost (i.e., everything) and you’re odds of survival (i.e., nada). But let’s be honest, you wouldn’t want to live in a world without this podcast. Speaking of, is it just us or did the world first start going to sh!t when we launched?

TWD Tip of the Week: Pee wherever you want. Just not within 90 feet of a school.

With the sexiness of Casper the Friendly Ghost and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man combined… ladies…

Today’s Topic: Ghost hunting.

Some people call it b.s. Others call it absolute horseshiat. What!? They’re different levels of bull-hockey!

What goes bump in the night? It’s probably just the house settling, ya moron. However, the individuals currently keeping the lights on at the Travel Channel would have you believe it’s ghosts, demons, Bigfoot or worse yet… your mother-in-law. Dun dun DUN!

Join Art and Lex as they try to debunk this pseudoscience and maybe even learn a moral along the way. Like, for instance, the fact that “BBJ” would be useless against the paranormal. Proton-packs-4-life!

TWD Tip of the Week: It’s plausible to make a bong out of a skull. We’re pretty sure you’ll be damned, but hey, you’re already listening to this podcast. ❤️

See the sketch of the ass-demon here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHEY_TzkXKU

Apropos we’re talking about 1’s and 0’s as everyone of us will be a robot’s fluffer soon enough.

Today’s Theme: Automation.

Be honest, at least half of you can’t wait for the automated ass wipers to roll out to the market.

The future is now… is what we’d say if we weren’t so sh!t scared of the inevitable robot uprising. Asimov’s Laws our ass! For every benefit automation provides us, there’s the searing image of the T-800 standing atop a mountain of human skulls. Then again, considering recent events, perhaps they’d be doing us a favor. 

Join Art, Lex and their special guest, Kelly, as they try to make sense of the future of tech. Hell, they may even play a game of F-ck, Marry, Kill along the way. You poor saps really thought we were joking, didn’t you?

TWD Tip of the Week: WD-40? Astroglide? Same difference!

Albert Einstein famously said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” In other news, we lost another producer.

Today’s Theme: Well, it was supposed to be wrestling.

And to be fair, we do talk about wrestling… eventually. Think of this more as a stream of consciousness thing while we pick up the pieces of this podcast. It’s still pretty f-ing funny though.

Well, we were all prepared to revisit the topic of wrestling. It would’ve been Lex’s time to shine as Art knows nothing that’s sport ball-related… even when it’s fake! But alas, we’ve lost Producer Kenny. If it’s any consolation, we heard he’ll be sharing the same padded room with Producer Dave at Bellevue.

Seriously though, we wish nothing but the best for any of our former producers, guests, etc., that we’ve managed to ostracize. We appreciate all that you’ve done for us… especially the fact that we won’t have to pay you royalties later on. Cha-ching!

TWD Tip of the Week: We’ve all heard the cliche “it’s not you, it’s me,” right? Can we apply that to producers as well? *sobs*

We jumped the shark 99 episodes ago…

Today’s Theme: TV. Again.

The boob tube. Lord knows, it’s filled with enough of them nowadays.

Everyone’s cutting the cord nowadays, right? Right!? Okay, maybe it’s just us, but surely you can understand our motives. Everything’s a turd sandwich on the idiot box, made worse by the fact that anything worth watching is readily available on a streaming service. Tiger King 2 notwithstanding.

Join your cohosts as they discuss/squabble over what’s worth watching either now or on the horizon. There plenty of stuff like the reboot with that guy and the spin-off starring the lady with glasses from that film. This is going to be a short episode, isn’t it?

TWD Tip of the Week: The Simpson ran out of ideas 20 seasons ago. We’re not going anywhere!

We’re the nuking the fridge of podcasts. Huzzah!

Today’s Theme: Bad movies. Again, but worse.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen The Money Shot (besides us) yet?

Emphasis on “bad” as one of your favorite co-hosts/frenemies forgot to check the spreadsheet and thought we were talking about film in general. But hey, at least we got to rehash the Oscars and how much of a wiener Will Smith is. We were always Team Carlton anyway.

Oh, and speaking of bad movies (and shot podcasts), please check out our sister podcast Subversive Cinema. You might learn a thing or two about Art and his obsession that led him to the west coast. Be forewarned though, his guests are nowhere as cool as the guests we have on here. <3

TWD Tip of the Week: Only one year separated Shrek from The Adventures of Pluto Nash for Eddie Murphy. “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the Facts of Life! The Facts of Life…”

We got banned from Galaxy’s Edge after our last visit. If only Producer Kenny hadn’t exposed himself to Kylo Ren…

Today’s Theme: Star Wars, Part 2.

It’s May the 4th this week, baby! Time for some more bitching about the over saturation of the product.

“Long ago…” blah blah blah. You all know the spiel. You can always rely on dorks flocking to Star Wars, like moths to an open flame, the first week of May. Hell, that and the Justin Timberlake-meme pretty much make up the entire month. See, we saved you 31 days of scrolling through your Facebook feed.

Come join your hosts with the most/least and their friend Ryan as they talk about your favorite topic and detail their plans for storming Skywalker Ranch. Even if we weren’t joking, you’d have to figure a stormtrooper would have a better chance of hitting a bullseye.

TWD Tip of the Week: If you need something to stream between now and the Obi-Wan Kenobi premiere, we’re here. *crickets*

What’s a Lizzo!?

Today’s Theme: Pop Music.

Now we’re complaining about the same shit that our parents complained about in the 1980’s. Circle of life, baby!

It’s strangely apropos that we’re following up the Sex episode with the Pop Music episode. After all, they both feature something strangely alien to us as we get older. #sadtrombone

What defines pop music? Why does every generation hate the beats of the one that comes thereafter? Would we see Ludwig van Beethoven twerk if we were alive today? I’m not saying we cover all of this topics in 30 minutes, but you can guaran-damn-tee our conversation is just as inane. ❤️

TWD Tip of the Week: Boy George was once a teenage heartthrob. There’s hope for you all!

We’re the erectile dysfunction to your yeast infection.

Today’s Theme: Sex. Ladies… and gents… seriously, we’re not choosy!

Webster’s defines ‘coitus’ as the “physical union of male and female genitalia accompanied by rhythmic movements.” #poundtown 

We’re joined by our old friend Kelly to talk about this very topic… and maybe air a few (too many) intimate secrets. Don’t you already have enough blackmail on us already?

If you think about it, we’re all here because someone(s) did the naughty. Wouldn’t you hope it was as sexually liberating as possible? Although we’d probably draw the line at stepbros (and poo). We do have standards, after all.

TWD Tip of the Week: Droppin' Loads : The Legend of Nick Manning (Kindle edition) is currently $5.99 on Amazon. *sploosh*

Richard Wagner wrote The Ring Cycle over the course of 26 years. Conversely, it took us only 26 minutes to destroy all music genres. 

Today’s Theme: Choir… kinda. Honestly, this was more of an excuse to air grievances from high school, so some trickery was afoul.

Everyone found their people in school… or they sat alone at lunch. *sad trombone* It just so happens that everyone on this podcast (including returning guest Ryan) were a part of the choir crew in high school. Although some were more influential than others. Hint: Art and Lex were more the Billy Baldwin’s of the group.

How do these social circles form? Were their orgies among the upper tier? Why did Hansel’s Messiah always have to close out the f’n holiday show. All of these questions are answered (or not) and chances are good you’ll be disappointed. We aim to serve.

TWD Tip of the Week: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir are the OG’s of cliques.

Now for something completely different — and possibly better?

Today’s Theme: Girl talk with Alyson and Art, AKA a chat with Joe's wife because Lex and Producer Kenny flaked out on this episode. That's right, boys and girls. Two thirds of the show decided they were "too tired" and punched out for the night. But fear not! Since Art wasn't at the hospital having another kid, he tirelessly picked up their slack and helped to bring more quality entertainment to you, our adoring listeners.

TWD Tip of the Week: Visit www.systemtothrive.com and www.subversivecinemapodcast.com for *real* entertainment.

“Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Art having a kid. Mass hysteria!”

Today’s Theme: Fatherhood. Specifically, the trials and tribulations our friend has to look forward to. What do you mean babies can’t just use the litter box?

While he doesn’t have the same smarts or sex appeal as Danny Tanner (R.I.P. Bob Saget), Art decided to give this whole parenting thing a try. Wait — between Lex and Producer Kenny, who’s the Uncle Jesse of the group? And why will they fight each other to the death to save them from the distinction of being Uncle Joey?

Listen in wonder/embarrassment as the two other hopeless causes try to impart some wisdom on this topic. Hey, at least Art cleaned his first few diapers like a champ. Now if only he could take care of his own. Hiyoooo!

TWD Tip of the Week: The largest number of babies born to a single woman was 69. That’s absolutely true, BTW. It was a Russian peasant in the 18th century. We feel like this podcast was born just to being this knowledge to you.

Getting back to themed episodes. It’s like we have a plan or some shit.

Today’s Theme: Space. Yeah, we’re double dipping with this topic but a) new format ya mooks b) there’s a lot of shit currently going on above the Karman line and c) Twi’lek sex. That last point might not be covered but it’s still perfectly valid.

The good news: Friend-of-the-show Kelly joins us to talk about some of the big things happening in E.T.’s backyard. The even better news: Art’s away for the week (more on that next week). Everything’s coming up Milhouse!

We’d mention how much smoother the show ran without 20+ drops a minute, but that would be uncouth. Just like talking about the size or Lex’s penis or Producer Kenny’s hemorrhoids… or did I have that backwards?

TWD Tip of the Week: Yo Mama is so fat she could hula hoop with Saturn’s rings.

We didn’t give up on our new format after one week. Huzzah!

Today’s Theme: Errr… I guess the topic is Ben? We’re still feeling out this new format too, ya jerks.

Double the laughs in half the time. That’s what we’re telling ourselves at least. Hell, this episode is worth it alone for the perplexed looks we receive from one of our (least) favorite returning panelists, the always lovely, Ben.

Don’t worry, we actually have a topic prepared for next week. And better yet, it’ll be our first time without Art, so no sound drops of “dropping loads,” “pog champ,” etc. It’ll be the most blissful 30 minutes of audio ever recorded. And depending on how many downloads the episode receives, it may convince us to kick his ass to the curb once and for all.

TWD Tip of the Week: Moderation is key. Wang Chung didn’t have fun every night.

“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, Turn and face the strange…” R.I.P. David Bowie (AKA: Thin White Duke). This episode isn’t about you (and you’ve been dead for 5+ years) but you’re forever in our hearts.

Today’s Theme: Out with the old, in with the new. We’re revamping things for the apocalypse. Huzzah!

There’s lots of things happening with the podcast. Art’s having a baby. Lex is running off to train “BBJ” with the Garcia’s in Brazil (doesn’t he mean Gracie’s… ?) and Producer Kenny is doing something or other. Well, so he says anyway.

Anyway, it’s as good a time as any to reboot your most/least favorite podcast. We’re striving to give you twice the laughs in half the time. And hey, if it doesn’t workout, just think of us at the Dallas season finale that retconned the death of Patrick Duffy’s character. The only difference being we’ll drop the soap in the shower…

If the choice were listening to this podcast or getting eaten by a grizzly… well, take all the time you need.

Today’s Theme: Camping. You know, the thing we’ll all be doing more of (w/ our caravans) after the bombs start to fall in… 3… 2…

Our first topic is a special from one of our dim-witted hosts: Why? Lex has never been camping, so he doesn’t allure the rest of us weirdos have about it. Of course, he’s also led a sheltered life, so he hasn’t done a lot of things like jump out of an airplane, go zip lining, wipe his own ass, etc.

Our second topic is your fave spot to camp. Kelly isn’t picky over the location provided there’s ample opportunity to Glamp. Just kidding! That’s Producer Kenny. He isn’t going anywhere without the comfort and luxuries of his humble abode. Like his Discman Portable CD Player.

Our third topic is your culinary skills around the fire. Specifically, do you keep your food preparation simple or go all-out with a gourmet feast. Art’s knowledge would make the execs at Stouffer’s and Bamquet blush. Next step on his journey? Knocking those jerkoffs at Kid Cuisine down a peg.

Our final topic is the best camping story from your childhood. All the feels but with less repellent. Ryan’s involved the many (doomed) friends he met at Camp Crystal Lake. Which begs the question, how did Ryan escape from this location with his life? Unless… ki ki ki, ma ma ma…

As Winston Churchill once said, “Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” Pffft! What does that jerkoff know?

Today’s Theme: Topic Grab Bag. Totally taking a trip down memory lane with this one. Definitely NOT doing this because something went awry with the scheduling. No sirree, Bob!

Our first topic is a meditation on the delicate art of ball/bush shaving. Yeah, it hurts but it’s not the 70’s anymore… hippie. Art went the extreme route and waxed his taint too. Why he felt the need to share this (let alone complete this task) is anyone’s guess, although we appreciate his candor. 

Our second topic is what you wanted to be when you were growing up. You know, when we still had dreams and weren’t chained to a cubicle. Kelly wanted to be a) involved with NASA and b) President of the moon, so she made it halfway to her goal. Better than Producer Kenny, who merely wanted to explore the waxed area around Art’s uranus.

Our third topic is the popularity of Episode 18. The episode that’s blown every other episode out of the water in downloads, and none of us have the faintest idea why. Two boring guests, an in-depth discussion of Marxist theory and Lex failed to mention “BBJ” once. WHY IS THIS POPULAR!?

Our final topic is your craziest coworker story. Because we all have one, and if you don’t, it’s because you’re that crazy coworker. Like Robert, who worked with a guy that participated in the January 6th attempted insurrection. Or maybe it’s Tyler Durden and that was him. Dun dun DUUUN!

Or when the Love Boat meets the iceberg.

Today’s Theme: Love is in the air, fools. Or maybe that’s nuclear fallout. Anything is bound to happen in this day and age…

Happy Valentine’s Day lovers/haters! Regardless of your relationship status, Hallmark is still gonna make some serious bank today. Which just goes to show you, creating a holiday from scratch can have it works. That’s why henceforth the 69th day of every year (screw you, February!) will be known as That Was Disappointing Day. *shriveled up eggplant emoji*

Join Art, Lex and Producer Kenny, as their far better halfs (Ashley, Alyson and Kerrianne, respectively) shoot the shit on their relationships and make you feel infinitely better about yours. ❤️

We’re the Madden Curse of podcasts.

Today’s Theme: Super Bowl. We recorded this episode prior to the Championship games, so you can probably guess how well our predictions turned out…

Our first topic is the ultimate Super Bowl commercial. Difficulty: you have to create it. Listen as Art musters all of the creative talent in his pores only to muster one wet fart of an idea. The fact that he’s discussed Michael Bay on back to-back episodes is extremely telling.

Our second topic is your first memories of the big game. Apparently, Justin didn’t get enough punishment last week as he’s back to take another licking. Hopefully, Producer Kenny’s a little easier on his younger bro now than in their youth. His purple nurples are said to be legendary.

Our third topic is your pick this year. So the big game is between the Cincinnati Bengals and Los Angeles Rams… pretty sure none of our panelists picked that matchup. Mazel tov, Lex! Now, just think how dumb you’re going to look if a certain country isn’t invaded in a few weeks.

Our final topic is the three people (dead or alive), you’d like to see share the stage at the halftime show. Chris must’ve used part of his sabbatical to brainstorm decent topics (for a change). The fact so many of us picked dead artists speaks to the current state of the music industry, eh?

Today’s Theme: Winter Olympics.

How many gold medals do you think Michael Phelps will win this go round?

Our first topic is whether there should even be an Olympics this year. Lex thinks the pandemic, charges of ethnic cleansing against the host country, etc., could put a damper on things. Pffft! We don’t pay him to think. In fact, we don’t pay him at all and he’s still overpaid.

Our second topic is what sport you’d like to see switch from the Summer to Winter games and/or vice versa. Ryan thinks it’d be fun to watch the guys/gals swim in a frozen lake. Sounds like this would be something more for the Squid Games, but what’s life without the chance of flatlining, right?

Our third topic is one for the ages: How would you plan a kickass Michael Bay halftime show? Art moved out to Hollywood to live the movie star life. Sadly, this is as close as he’ll get to that dream. Then again, maybe the Baymeister will do a vanity search on his name, discover Arthur and this will be his big break. Stranger things have happened. Or not. *shrugs*

Our final topic is the sport you’d like to see “invented” that you’d be able to earn a gold medal in. Producer Kenny’s bother, Not-Producer Justin, is bringing this topic to the table. We’d say he nailed it, but… well, let’s just say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the family orchard.

We’re the Hechinger of podcasts. Google it!

Today’s Theme: Home Improvements. What was Wilson doing behind that fence all the time? And was there a glory hole… ?

Our first topic is the home improvement that you completely ducked up. *quack* Art’s gotta face the fact that he’s more Red Green than Bob Vila. That’s a shoutout for our Canadien listeners. There might only be 3 of you, but we’re all aboot your love.

Our second topic is the renovation you’d have done right now with a $5K budget. Guess that in-ground pool is gonna have to wait, eh Kat? To be fair, there’s a lot you can do with that amount of money in today’s economy. Like get an estimate!

Our third topic is your Trading Spaces fantasy/nightmare. Yep, Lex wants to know what neighbor you’d trade homes with and what area of the house you’d like then to refurbish. Just don’t mess with his sex dungeon. His dom would only punish him more. :-(

Our final topic is smart home innovations we’d like to see in the future. To the surprise of us all, Ryan’s vote wasn’t for a smart bidet. His heart is still set on that three seashell method from Demolition Man. Producer Kenny could tell you how it works but it’s gonna cost you (your wang).

We’re all still white belts at this thing we call “life.” *gongs*

Today’s Theme: Martial Arts. Something we’re all experts at. Hell, I’ve seen Kung Fu Panda at least 3x.

Our first topic is the martial art you’d want to master. Believe it or not, Lex did not select “BBJ,” proving once more he’s an embarrassment both on-and-off the podcast. Producer Kenny chose Spank The Monkey form and we’re not entirely sure if he meant Drunken Monkey…

Our second topic is the martial arts film that began your journey. Ben actually chose Three Ninjas, which is hysterical as a) he’s a black belt in karate and b) those kids could still whip his ass. Meanwhile, will Surf Ninjas ever get the respect it deserves?

Our third topic is the best martial art PERIOD. A lot of dick measuring here, which is ironic as Art has next to no training in any form. Seriously, he’s half-Brazilian and the only way he’s honored his ancestors is by getting a bikini wax… on his head. Hiyo!

Our final topic is how our martial arts backgrounds have served us in street combat. Trust us, you’re not going to be impressed. It sounds like Al has the most street cred, which should help everyone sleep more soundly at night. *sobs*

Sit, Ubu, Sit. No, don’t shit on the floor!

Today’s Theme: Pets. Our cuddly (unless they’re amphibians or arachnids) critters that get oodles of pampering. Talk about the high life!

Our first topic is how many pets are too many. Lex has rescued more than his fair share of kittie cats, but he’s happy to say his house hasn’t appeared in a commercial (w/ background vocals from Sarah McLaughlin) yet. Fortunately, the only stench of feces comes from his very own commode.

Our second topic is the grossest thing our furry friends do. They eat turds and vomit (sometimes not even their own), so you’d think this would be done in one, but Cassy took us down an even darker path. Just don’t ask Producer Kenny pooch about the jar of chunky peanut butter in his house.

Our third topic is the topic of taxidermy: thoughtful or WTF? Because he’s a fan of the macabre and/or just a terrible person, Art wants to know how we feel about getting Man’s best friend stuffed in death. Suddenly, the peanut butter story in the last entry seems saccharin.

Our final topic is the funny quirks our furballs have. All jokes aside, we love our little jerks and consider them family. Especially Kelly, who dresses her cats in baby clothes and feeds them from a bottle. Remember folks, she’s not stuck in there with them… they’re stuck in there with her…

Oh, the halcyon days of yore when masturbation was of utmost importance… why hasn’t anything changed!?

Today’s Theme: Follies of Youth. Did you know at least one member of our staff (name rhymes with Bart Small) has outstanding warrants in at least 4 states?

Our first topic is the dumbest thing you did/biggest lesson you learned in your early life. The mistakes Art has made could fill a book, we’re talking War and Peace. Did anyone ever actually read that, BTW? Considering it’s lack of pop-ups, we’re going to venture a guess we didn’t miss much.

Our second topic is really lighthearted: should you be dead by now? Kevin says “yes” rather enthusiastically, so either he has a guardian angel on his shoulder or someone has a sick sense of humor. We’re gonna guess he’s still here for a reason though, even if it is just to prattle on about pro wrestling.

Our third topic is the biggest misconception you had about the birds and the bees. You’ll be surprised that Lex had an embarrassing story to share… said no one ever. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny is still disappointed that interspecies erotica doesn’t exist between our avian and apiary friends.

Our final topic is the mistake that haunted you for years. We’d say it’s the fact Ben gave up his martial arts training, but we’ve also seen him in a Gi. #Yikes At least he didn’t do anything to further tarnish his reputation. You know, like be a semi-regular on a shitty podcast.

Today’s Theme: Year in Review.

From the storming of the Capitol to Tiger King 2, we’re now dealing with back-to-back years that have been the shits.

Join Art, Lex, and Producer Kenny as they chat about the “best” of 2021. How they were able to stay (somewhat) sober for the entire episode is anyone’s guess. Truth be told, as long as you download/subscribe, they’ll tell you anything you want to hear. No, that dress doesn’t make you look fat. Yes, your dick is bigger than theirs. Yes, they’d be happy to run a train on your mom. Hiyoooo! Seriously though, please let the new year bring better viewership. ❤️

Shitter was full, ya filthy animals. Yippie-Ki-Yay, Movie House!

Today’s Theme: It’s our Awkward Office Holiday Party. Come for the hot chocolate, stay for the heavy petting.

It’s that time of the year again, boys and girls. When St. Nick sticks his merry old fat-ass down the chimney and gifts the lot of us a bevy of sweet swag like new socks and unstained undies. Hey, maybe he’ll actually bring us something good this year… like a 2022 that doesn’t suck. Nevermind. He just looked at our internet search history and put us on the naughty list for the remainder of the decade. *sad trombone*

“Who's the leader of the club

That's made for you and me

E-A-T M-Y A-S-S-H-O-L-E”

Today’s Theme: Disney.

In other news, Art will be looking for a new job by the end of this episode.

Our first topic is a fight, believe it or not, between Lex (w/ his “BBJ” skills) and any Disney character of your choosing. I mean, if we’re going live action too, there’s a bevy of characters that can hand him his ass from Uncle Remus to Hayley Mills, amirite?

Our second topic is from Ashley (Art’s better half) and asks us to name our favorite theme park and why. I mean, Animal Kingdom has to be the winner… unless you have a zoo in your area… or you don’t give a flying f*ck about Avatar.

Our third topic is from Art (Ashley’s not-so better half) and asks what cherished Disney film is really the shits. If we’re counting Pixar, it has to be one of those films that tugs at the old strings. We go to the movies to gorge and clog our arteries, not to feel.

Our final topic is Kerrianne (Producer Kenny’s sugar mama) and asks what is the first magical Disney moment you remember.

And if you didn’t have one before now, it’s have to be this podcast, right? We’re known for putting the fun into funerals.

The North Remembers… just how much this series blew.

Today’s Theme: Game of Thrones. We’re nothing if not timely. The sinking of the Lusitania is on our docket for next week.

Put up your dukes! Seriously, this is a hot button issue for some of our hosts/panelists (Lex, show us on a doll where D & D touched you), but it does teach the rest of us a valuable lesson… just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. If your bartender doesn’t cut you off, it might not be the best idea to get behind the wheel. Similarly, just because there’s a lot of blow in the writer’s room, doesn’t mean you need to snort it all. The More You Know!

We’re so homely, even serial killers aren’t interested in us.

Today’s Theme: True Crime. The opposite of petty larceny. But let’s be honest, we stole your heart from Episode 001.

Our first topic is the serial killers that terrified you the most. Yeah, they’re all skeevy POS, but some have modus operandi that would make even us potential victims. Well, everyone but Lex. Hell, even Typhoid Mary would reject him.

Our second topic is the unsolved crime you’d like to see, er… solved. Think Magic Eye meets Where’s Waldo, but on steroids. Kat’s still trying to figure out the mystery of how we talked her into doing this show again. We’d say it’s our puppy dog eyes, but she has a newborn at home (congrats!)

Our third topic is your choice for best/worst crime series. Oh, like that channel that shows nothing but reenactments of spouses trying to bump each other off? As an expectant father, Art’s wife already got what she needed. Nice knowing you, homie.

Our final topic is why we all like this disturbing garbage so much. Hell, even Producer Kenny stops masturbating to watch the latest episode of Unsolved Mysteries… or was that Tiger King? He doesn’t really stop, does he?

The green bean casserole of podcasts. No, that’s not a compliment.

Today’s Theme: Thanksgiving. Not gonna mean a lot to our foreign listeners, but it’s another excuse for us Americans to gorge our fat asses. U-S-A! U-S-A!

There’s a lot we have to be thankful for this year. COVID, insurrections, genital warts — wait, this year sucked! Fortunately, we still have each other and what better way to celebrate Turkey Day than to shoot the shit with a bunch of our friends. Hey, if you think this is wild, just wait until you hear our Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus episode in a few weeks. We already know someone’s going to spike the eggnog (Producer Kenny) and someone’s going to get naked (Art). And yes, there’s little doubt someone’s going to mention “BBJ” (Lex).

OMG, we’re the Uncle Eddie of our families.

This episode is the shits. Seriously!

Today’s Theme: Toys. If we were talking about sex toys, it would somehow be less offensive to the ears than this travesty.

So, gonna keep it real with y’all. This show is called That was Disappointing, but it’s usually pretty damn good. Subscribers are going up and we have a CRAZY amount of downloads (hello India!) right now. That said, there are some times where things don’t live up to our “standards” and this episode is a shining example. As we’re not perfect, we thought we would give our fans a peek behind the curtain and show them what a steaming turd looks like. Watch this be our most downloaded episode yet…

Please, don’t hold this episode against us. 🙏🏼

Finally something we’re experts in. No, not masturbating. We’re saving that episode for after the holiday season.

Today’s Theme: Podcasting. Ooo… how meta!

Our first topic is if the popularity of podcasts is sustainable. Hey, we’re still going strong more than a year out, right? Right!? Still, perhaps Lex is right when he says we’ll fade into obscurity ala Pete Best of The Beatles. Or would that make Producer Kenny our Ringo?

Our second topic is what would be the alternate theme for your podcast. Robert asks if we were barred from being “disappointing,” what route we’d have gone instead. Easy, we’d be playing video games. As in, actually playing video games, not doing a podcast about the f-ing topic. 

Our third topic is throwing you all a bone: what’s a million $$$ podcast idea that no one’s come up with yet? Don’t say we’ve never done anything for our listeners as we struck gold in them thar hills with this topic. Hell, Art is already living in Aruba off his newfound fame… or is that Skid Row?

Our final topic is whether or not the deluge of podcasts is a good thing. Well, I suppose no one’s ripped off our name and/or premise yet, so that’s probably a good thing. Still, Dan wonders if there can be too much of a good thing. The answer is “yes,” unless we’re talking about lube.

“Me mind on fire

Me soul on fire, feeling hot, hot, hot

Party people

All around me feeling hot, hot, hot

What to do on a night like this

Music sweet, I can't resist

We need a party song

A fundamental jam

So we go rum-bum-bum-bum

Yeah, we rum-bum-bum-bum

Feeling hot, hot, hot

Feeling hot, hot, hot, oh, Lord”

~ Buster Poindexter

Today’s Theme: Hot Sauce 2. AKA: The Sphincter Strikes Back. AKA: The Temple of Poo. AKA: The Toilet Bowl of Secrets.

“Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it” is a fitting adage for this episode. Our intestines are still talking to us a few days after the fact, thanks in no small part to Producer Kenny’s decision to have us eat a hot sauce derived from the Carolina Reaper (and Trinidad Scorpion) during the episode. Thanks again for that, asshat. Join Art, Lex, and their homies Devon and Ryan as they suffer for your listening pleasure. And be sure to catch our Facebook Live replay on our Facebook page. You know that we have a Facebook page, right?

Such a sexy number for such a spooooooky episode.

Today’s Theme: Halloween. What’s scarier than a ghost? Your Mom. Bonus points awarded if she’s already dead.

Our first topic is your favorite costume from year’s past. Lex was going to do something with Alec Baldwin this year, so we’ve immediately enrolled him in sensitivity training. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny is going as Lady Godiva, gentlemen/ladies…

Our second topic is the crappiest “treat” you got while trick-or-treating. Do people really get religious pamphlets? Fortunately, that never happened to Ben as everyone already knew where he was going. “One of us, one of us!”

Our third topic is your best Halloween shindig ever. Is anyone else surprised that Art’s best Halloween party didn’t turn into an orgy? I know it’s hard to believe, but he was quite the stud muffin in his youth. Now he just has a muffin top. Hiyo!

Our final topic is when (if ever) it’s too early to decorate for Halloween. We still have our Christmas tree up from last year. Why the hell are you asking us? Seriously though, it’s never too early, Al. Don’t forget to bring the Home Depot 12-foot Skelton up from your sex dungeon first.

That’s one spicy meatball, Chef Boyardee.

Today’s Theme: Flashback Time! Breathing fire from our mouth and expelling it from our ass.

Yep, we mailed it in and decided to share a Facebook Live episode recorded earlier this year, where our (prior) producer supplied us with hot sauce to douse wings in. The results were… disappointing, but we’ve decided to make up for it by recording a Hot Sauce Part Deux! On Friday, October 29th at 10:30pm EST/7:30pm PST, also on Facebook Live. This time Producer Kenny is really bringing the heat , supplying us with nuclear-style sauces and detailed instructions for how to douse our wings. God help us…

To boldly go to infinity and beyond. Wait — what?

Today’s Theme: Star Trek. Picard is better than Kirk. Don’t @ us.

Our first topic is the Prime Directive: Necessary or Horseshit? Lex has had it up to here with the hypocrisy of Starfleet Command. Not to mention the douchebaggery of the jerk in My Octopus Teacher. How does it tie in? Do you care? Please like and subscribe regardless.

Our second topic is the worst episode of Star Trek. Wasn’t there an episode where Kirk became a shitty lawyer for a Boston firm? Seriously though, Kelly loves both her Trek and Tribbles, meaning there’s at least one episode that was spared her wrath. ❤️

Our third topic is the Star Trek character you’d like to have dinner with. Of course, some sexual hijinks/kinks were discussed during this conversation. Would you expect any less from something from the mind of Art? Fortunately, all we have to worry about in Producer Kenny’s head is a hamster in a running wheel…

Our final topic is whether Star Trek will ever be able to do a series that doesn’t require time travel. “Sir this is an Arby’s!” For what it’s worth, Ken will scream about this trope to everyone he meets on the street. What can we say? He really has a hard-on for Quantum Leap.

What if… we named our podcast That Was NOT Disappointing?

Today’s Theme: Marvel Comics. You know, the studio (w/ an assist from Disney) behind the comic book films that people actually like.

Our first topic is the obscure character you’d like to see get their own intellectual property. Art tried to cheat (surprise!) and name someone who was featured on 2-3 pages of a single issue storyline. At least he was keeping with the concept of the podcast. Keep reaching for the gold, homie.

Our second topic is the Marvel film you’d like to see get the Warner Brothers/DC treatment. This is why we can’t have nice things, Kevin. You shouldn’t wish that fate upon your worst enemy. I mean, maybe Producer Kenny, but to be fair, he knows what he did…

Our third topic is the character you’d be happy if Thanos were to snap out of existence. Lex was trying to be all M. Night Shyamalan and say that Thanos should snap himself out of existence. Lame! We’re thankful he doesn’t snap any of our panelists, because it’d be hard to find others dumb enough to do this show.

Our final topic is the character you feel has inexplicable popularity. For his premiere with the show, Big Ben Kennedy (!) chose Deez Nuts, which technically isn’t a Marvel property. After he’s done our show a few times, we’ll have squashed his spirit enough that he falls in line. ❤️

Do you know what Friends is without the laugh track? This podcast! No, that’s not a compliment!!!

Today’s Theme: The 1990’s Part Deux Electric Boogaloo

Our first topic is the best/worst year of the decade. 1993 is right up there (as far as the shits go) for Lex. Who knew kids could be so cruel? Well, Producer Kenny did, but he was also one of the punks giving him swirlies. All is forgiven though. Revenge is best served cold…

Our second topic is the do-over you’d like to see from the decade. I guess Ben isn’t worried about the butterfly effect. But then again, could things really be any worse? However, he might lose out on that trip he won to Aruba on Let’s Make a Deal, so I guess there’s that.

Our third topic is your favorite funny/embarrassing story from the decade. Art’s involved shitting his pants in class. Or maybe it didn’t. Wouldn’t that make for a better story though? I mean, for those who know him, would it make you bat an eye if that was his revelation? I thought so.

Our final topic is your hangout spot from the decade. Robert used to hang out at the mall. How original! I bet he loved Jolt Cola and Mighty Morphin Power Rangers too. If this topic taught us anything, it’s that none of us had lives. The more things change…

We put the “boobs” in boob tube.

Today’s Theme: TV. Otherwise known as ye olde idiot box. I mean, we turned out fine, right? *sobs*

Our first topic is the popular show you felt was just the absolute shits. Reality TV, come on down! Speaking of which, we’re kind of surprised Art’s choice wasn’t Maury, given the amount of paternity suits he had against him now. Zing!

Our second topic is reminiscent of our show… it’s garbage. As in, what is your go to trash TV? Sean couldn’t live without the Travel Channel, given his penchant for paranormal programming. Guess that explains his affinity for being ghosted. Hiyo!

Our third topic is the decade of TV you feel was the best. Surprisingly, every panelist had a different decade. Lex’s was the 1840’s, but we still gave him an E for effort. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny chose the 1980’s due to his affinity for Mrs. Garrett. “Girls, girls, girls!”

Our final topic is the show that started great, only to end disastrously. So many choices, so little time. I mean, the industry is just one giant cesspool. Hell, the only show Ben likes is Let’s Make a Deal, and that’s because he was able to con a free trip to Aruba out of Wayne Brady.

Why is no one interested in this f-ing topic!?

Today’s Theme: Guilty Pleasures. We all have them, but only one panelist wants to talk about them. Go figure!

Our first topic is the disgustingly delicious thing you eat after a shit-filled day. What do Lex and Andrew Zimmern both have in common? They’ve both ate insects. That’s not what the former has after a stinker of a day, but we’re not above humiliating him. Love/hate ya, Sexy Lexi!

Our second topic is the guilty pleasure that helps you pass the time. Dan didn’t say masturbation. Huzzah! I mean, the rest of us said masturbation, but we’re glad the cream (pun intended) of the crop of guest panelists rose to the occasion (ditto).

Our third topic is the stigma around guilty pleasures. That is, why should we be ashamed of something that makes us feel so good? Art certainly isn’t; he loves the smell of napalm in the morning. Are we talking cinema or homemade explosives? Well, you’ll just have to listen and find out… grasshopper.

Our final topic is the YouTube video that pulls you from the doldrums. Done in one: YATTA. Okay, maybe Producer Kenny (and honorary panelist for this episode) chose something different, but can we just admit he’s wrong and move on. “It’s so easy… happy-go-lucky…”

Be sure to check out Art's other podcast Subversive Cinema. He needs all the help he can get.

We’re the Thursday Night Football of podcasts.

Today’s Theme: The NFL. Go Dallas Renegades!

Our first topic goes straight for the jugular: what team will win it all this year? Art doesn’t know anything about American Fussball, but that hasn’t stopped him from talking out of his arse before. See Episodes #1-#61 of your most (un)favorite broadcast.

Our second topic is the position you’d play/fill for your team. Yes, by “fill” we’re even counting positions like the waterboy. Yes, Kevin would be happy to be the tight end for his beloved Dallas Cowboys. And no, we’re not going to touch that one with a 10-foot pole.

Our third topic is what new rule should the league institute. Penetrating the tight end is not allowed, Lex. Nice try though. As for Producer Kenny’s suggestion of land mines being randomly buried around the gridiron, can’t we wait until it’s a couple of cellar dwellers playing… or the Steelers?

Our final topic is player safety come post-career. Nothing funny about that, but we will end with a joke. Jeff has been racking his brain trying to remember what the American sitcom set in a bar was called. Any help would be appreciated. Cheers! Okay, we’ll sure ourselves out.

Yer a tosser, Harry!

Today’s Theme: Harry Potter. We’re the Crucio of podcasts.

Our first topic is what the Mirror of Erised would show you. Betcha can’t guess what Lex voted for. It starts with a B and ends with a J, but doesn’t end with a Happy Ending. *rimshot* Low-hanging fruit, ladies and gentleman. We’ll forever grasp for it. ❤️

Our second topic is the biggest differences between the books and flicks. Great question, Ken. It’s not like any of us haven’t read the series (if at all!) in over a decade. Would it have been too much for you to ask what happened on page 293 of Prisoner of Azkaban?

Our third topic is how Warner Brothers would do a gritty reboot of the series. Why are you giving them these ideas, Art? Didn’t the world suffer enough with the Snyderverse? Then again, Bruce Wayne is an orphan… Harry Potter is an orphan. That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!

Our fourth topic is where the Sorting Hat would drop yo ass at Hogwarts. Jeff’s preference is House Stark and we’re not sure how to break it to him. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny would like to wind up in the house where you’re most likely ti live off someone else’s dime. That sounds like Ravenclaw to us!

Our final topic is really sticking it to that b-word J.K. Rowling: what would an Americanized-Harry Potter production look like? Matt’s childlike whimsy was forever tainted when she vetoed the casting of Robin Williams as Hagrid. Perhaps it’s time for America to give those Brits another lesson…

The episode that will live in infamy…

Today’s Theme: Nothing.

Seriously, we f-ed up and didn’t book any guests.

Seriously, that’s the show tonight. Art, Lex and Producer Kenny throw shade at each other, give a special shout-out to their sole listener in Turkmenistan and even play a game of Kiss ‘Em, F*ck ‘Em, Throw ‘Em Off a Cliff, where their only choices are each other. Ewwwww…

We’re doing Harry Potter next week, folks. We promise!

Like that scene in Total Recall, only with even more boobs.

Today’s Theme: Sci-Fi. We talk about things other than Star Wars and Star Trek. Honest!

Our first topic is the sci-fi franchise you’d reboot. Lex already had a perfect response in Dune, but Denis Villeneuve beat him to the punch. Lame! Going for a Hail Mary pass with Battlefield Earth probably wasn’t his best option, but you know what he’d say, “I’d f*ck a Psychlos.”

Our second topic is the first sci-fi experience that blew your mind. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century gets a mention!? We love you 3,000 for bringing us this topic, Sean. Well , maybe not Producer Kenny, as it took him hundreds of hours of therapy to forget about Twiki in the first place. “biddi-biddi-biddi”

Our third topic must’ve been one where Art was feeling industrious: “Sci-Fi mash up! Your consciousness is about to uploaded into the Memory Bank 3000™️. You get to choose any Sci-Fi universe to explore for eternity, BUT you have to preload it with characters from another Sci-Fi universe. What would you mash up?” Still awake? That makes none of us.

Our final topic is surviving the robot apocalypse. Alright, enough of a circle jerk about favorite sci-fi franchises. Ryan wants us to use our acquired knowledge on the subject to avert the machines eventual uprising. Unfortunately, his electric bidet has already seen too much, dooming us all to extinction.

What do you mean the closing ceremony was last night?

Today’s Theme: The Olympics. Team USA had the highest medal count for the 2020 Olympics held in 2021, because that’s the batshit insanity we’re dealing with.

Our first topic is non-enhancing drugs: why are athletes being dinged for this? Art loves his edibles and he wants to know why that would disqualify him from competition. We’re just going to overlook the fact that his edibles go by the street name “Little Debbie.”

Our second topic is the most ridiculous events of the modern-day Olympiad. Did you know pistol dueling and live pigeon shooting used to be events? We’re guessing Kelly didn’t as she chose to focus on the present. Or maybe she just really hates water polo. *shrugs*

Our third topic is a serious one FOR ONCE. Specifically, the mental health of our athletes. Lex takes all of the trolls to task for poo-pooing the struggles of our superstar athletes. Now, if someone could just get him to stop Monday morning quarterbacking…

Our final topic is the sport you feel you’d excel in. Difficulty: you have to create it first. Kat served us up, but we kept our choices relatively mild. Well, with the exception of Producer Kenny, but seeing as he’s the one doing the scoring here, we won’t count his severed toe collection.

This shit is wack, yo!

Today’s Theme: Crazy Stories. A lot of near death experiences. Maybe next time?

Learn about hilarious things such as the time that Lex’s neighbor thought he murdered his wife and called the police on him. *canned laughter*

Or Art’s near-miss with a subway train and subsequent run from the po-po. He even MacGyvered up a smokescreen with a fire extinguisher. *oohs and aahs*

Newcomer Nick and oldie-but-not-so-goodie Ben have their own shenanigans to share that were probably just as amazeballs… if we could remember them. It’s Producer Kenny’s job to write this shit down and he didn’t even bother showing up for this episode. But hey, at least our buddy, Al, filled in as guest-Producer for the week. *catcalls*

Listen to our guest Nick’s show, Millennial Rewind, on Apple Podcasts at https://apple.co/2T9Lqvo or on Spotify https://spoti.fi/3rd15qh!

“Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.” — James Thurber

Today’s Theme: Sleep. When all the physical/mental pain goes away and is replaced with night terrors. ❤️

Our first topic is the weird shit that’s happened when you didn’t get enough sleep. Art wanted us to know it was lack of beauty rest and not hallucinogenics that made a tiny Christmas tree sprout from the hood of his car. Sure, and I suppose that’s just golf balls and not hemorrhoids in your boxers, right?

Our second topic is recurring dreams. Specifically, deciphering said dreams. Every panelist was supposed to have a go but newb, Sean, decided to hijack the conversation. Arrogance may be a turnoff to some, but we’re just happy to find someone that doesn’t hate themselves… yet.

Our third topic is dreams you wish you had more of. Lex doesn’t dream about sex. This makes Lex sad. If you don’t want to make Lex sad, send thoughts and prayers his way to remedy this situation. Perhaps he should’ve specified the type of sex he was talking about first…

Our final topic is the f-ed up places we’ve fallen asleep. Another first-time not-long-time guest, Mike, has slept in all kinds of odd places. He’s kinda like a hobo, but without the cool bag-on-a-stick. Producer Kenny would look up the correct nomenclature for that item, but he has better things to do. Like literally anything. Seriously, get him out of this hell.

Let’s get all Julia Child up in this beotch.

Today’s Theme: Cooking. Add bologna, American cheese, repeat.

Our first topic is your go-to dish when you’re hoping to make a little whoopee. As in Wham. Bam. Thank Ya Ma’am (or Sir)! Lex is relatively new to the culinary arts, but he’s a modern day Adonis in the kitchen. As a matter of fact, he’s only burned his Hungry Man once.

Our second topic is the terrible things people do to normal dishes. If you put shredded cheese atop your pizza, Kelly thinks you should be placed in front of a firing squad. A little harsh don’t you think? Shouldn’t we save this punishment for more unforgivable sins like preferring grape jelly over strawberry? Producer Kenny is a monster.

Our third topic is what we’ve learned from our favorite cooking shows. Art’s learned a lot of things from Chopped, most of all that Ted has dreamy eyes. It hasn’t really benefited him I’m the kitchen, but it’s not like you’d have been able to guess that from his waistline. Hiyo!

Our final topic is disastrous dishes/meals. Look, we’ve all clucked up a time or two in the kitchen. Sure, we might not have started the biggest wildfire this side of the Rockies, like Matt, but we all have our cross to bear. You’ll be happy to know he’s never tried his hand at another risotto.

Like the Macarena only with even more unattractive men.

Today’s Theme: Short-term fads. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurby!

Our first topic is the fad you saw right through. As in, you knew it was a steaming pile from the start. Art knew the McRib was pure malarkey from the get-go. His argument? Why else would it go into long periods of hibernation. Sound logic, homie.

Our second topic is what it is that draws these suckers, err… people in to begin with. Resident glass-half-full aficionado, Ben, feels people just need an outlet (for their troubles) and something as simple as a fad can fill that vacancy. Yes, we’re already on the line with Bellevue.

Our third topic is what current item in the news is destined to be a short-termed fad. Lex is hoping that it’s deep fakes as people can make it look like you’re doing anything. Like that video of him with the aardvark and the tub of peanut butter. Pure movie magic…

Our final topic is what item shocked you by turning from fad to world-changing. That would be our podcast, Ryan. Duh! Seriously though, it’s kinda shocking just how many fads strike gold. Like beanie babies! The creator has an estate in Santa Barbara and Producer Kenny has the restraining order to prove it.

It’s the Nation’s (belated) birthday and our first anniversary. Mazel tov!

Today’s Theme: America, F*ck yeah!

Our first topic is what else is as American as apple pie. Frivolous lawsuits anyone? Lex feels like the eponymous fruit has had its 15 minutes of fame and it’s time to give something else a chance… like coffee enemas. I mean, does it really matter what end it goes in?

Our second topic is America’s obsession with the royal family. New panelist (and an Englishman!), Julian, doesn’t understand why anyone would care about their comings-and-goings. Especially when he (and his fellow redcoats) don’t. We say push posh to that.

Our third topic is what state you’d kick out of the Union. Having already pissed off the world at the beginning of the episode, Art decided to go for the gusto and alienate his fellow Americans too. Producer Kenny’s vote was for Botswana because why not?

Our final topic is your worst side dish for the 4th of July. There’s two things that Chris W. knows in this world and that’s cars and food. Well, and dingleberries, but he told us that in confidence. We’d never dream of betraying his trust. We’re besties like that. ❤️

Today’s Theme: D&D. That stands for Dragons & Dungeons, ya goofballs.

Our first topic is your most fun/wasted day in D&D. It’s adorable that Art thinks any session of D&D wouldn’t be defined as “wasted” by the general public. He needs a real hobby, like stamp collecting. Hell, at least you’d be less likely to die a virgin.

Our second topic is your favorite character you’ve played. No, Chris R. isn’t talking about LARPing… it’s somehow even more pathetic. So, apparently everyone doesn’t play a Conan or Dumbledore-clone? Who knew!? Oh duh… I forgot about Legolas.

Our third topic is how D&D has affected your outside life. In other news, people who play D&D actually have a life. Good news for our freshest (read: least pathetic) panelist, Jon, who’s new to the game. Or did things already suck for you to begin with?

Our fourth (not final!) is your best/worst item in D&D. Does a MOAB count or is that just wishful thinking? Tim says there’s more to it than just pointy objects you stab each other with. Pffft! Unless the jousting sticks from American Gladiators are DLC, I’m not interested.

Our final topic is… why? Yep, our resident smartass/ jerkoff, Lex, doesn’t know a f’n thing about D&D, so he needs to defer to the rest of the panel to understand the appeal. Producer Kenny, perhaps you can throw someone a lifeline in the future. kthnxbye

r/AMA for Dummies

Today’s Theme: Shit We’re Nerdy About. Preferably, ones that won’t wind us on the wrong end of a restraining order. *record scratch*

Our first topic is BJJ. Lex considers himself a prodigy (he’s not) and he has the rolling record to prove it (seriously, he probably has 1 “win” for every 9 taps), so he wants everyone to know about his latest obsession. Chances this sticks around longer than his crush on Animal Crossing?

Our second topic is Pilates. It’s hard to write something negative about something when you don’t even know what *it* is. Listen along as Jay teaches us all about downward dog. This is the same thing as yoga, right? Meanwhile, Producer Kenny can’t believe no one mentioned Sweatin’ to the Oldies.

Our third topic is Bad Movies we Love. Art doesn’t have an athletic bone in his body, so leave it to him to bring this conversation back down into the gutter. Did you know he loves bad movies? I’m sure this has nothing to do with his own shitty movie or the new shitty podcast he’s working on...

Our final topic is Space. The Final Frontier? Pffft! We all know this planet is beyond f-ed, so Kelly is just getting a leg up on her departure. Seriously, our very own NASA Ambassador loves the Cosmos, even if she thinks a certain astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson, is a dick for kicking Pluto out of planetary status.

“You hate us! You really hate us!”

Today’s Theme: It’s our Golden Anniversary, mofos. Hopefully, we’ll be around for at least 5 more (episodes).

Join Art and Lex (not Producer Kenny as his beauty rest was more important) as they wax poetic on some of their more intriguing clips from the prior 49 episodes. More Bigfoot facials and rimjobs... terrific...

It’s Still Real to Us Dammit!

Today’s Theme: Pro Wrestling. As in the Fake Wrestling. Try not to say that to any “sports entertainers” though as you’re likely to have your head shoved up your ass.

Our first topic is blood in wrestling. For the most part it’s a relic of the past, but Lex isn’t having it. He feels it’s a necessary evil that draws you into the storyline. Hey, at least he doesn’t think The People’s Elbow is a legit maneuver unlike some people who will remain nameless — Oh Hi, Producer Kenny!

Our second topic is supernatural elements in wrestling: fair or foul? The Undertaker, The Fiend/Bray Wyatt, etc., all of these guys use a little hocus pocus to “put butts in the seats,” but Al wants to know if it’s too hokey for it’s own good... like the Below The Belt Show. Zing!

Our third topic fills us all with dread... that horrible, no-good, rotten day when you learned wrestling was choreographed. Good thing we were too young to take Valium. Art never liked pro wrestling, so it didn’t bother him. The Easter Bunny on the other hand...

Our final topic is Chris Benoit’s erasure from history. New panelist Kevin was gifted a great topic, but he decided to go into business for himself (that’s some wrestling lexicon) and decided to end the episode on a double murder-suicide. That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

Your anal plug is in another castle.

Today’s Theme: Video games. Fuck Billy Mitchell right in his ear.

Our first topic is the video game that defined the space for you. As in, showed you that they’re a valid art form. Roger Ebert always poo-pooed this idea, but we have Art’s solemn vow that he won’t piss on his grave... at least until the statute of limitations has expired.

Our second topic is your proudest moment/achievement in video gaming. Remember, if you’re using a Game Genie you’re a weenie. Unfortunately, unlike Tim, some of us don’t have hundreds of free hours to pour into Fortnite. Bask in his hidden shame!

Our third topic is what video game you’d play for the rest of your life, if you could only choose one. Lex had a hard (pun-intended) time picking but Leisure Suit Larry’s pixelated boobs won out in the end. As for Producer Kenny, we’re sending him to sensitivity training for his pick of Custer’s Revenge...

Our final topic is Twitch/YouTube: Great or God-Awful for video gaming? Nothing like listening to a bunch of fuddy-duddy’s carrying on about kids these days, huh? Robert makes himself right at home with our groan-inducing podcast by... sorry, lost our train of thought.

Even ghosts don’t want this smoke.

Today’s Theme: The Paranormal. It’s like if Zak Bagans’ The Haunted Museum and This American Life had a baby.

Our first topic is the creepiest story you’ve ever heard from someone. Not everyone has their own tale to tell, but everyone has at least heard a “true” story that happened to a family member/friend. Look, Lex needs an excuse to keep his nightlight, so let’s just humor him.

Our second topic is afterlife communication. Kat wants to know if it’s possible or if Miss Cleo was less than reputable. R.I.P. *coughs* Meanwhile, Producer Kenny is all about Ouija board communication. His new friends tell him to burn things, but he’s sure it’s all in good fun.

Our third topic is a bit of a mindtrip: Why is something so prevalent not proven? Art and his co-host battle it out because the latter wants to believe and the former is just a douche. Betcha can’t guess who’s responsible for writing these episode summaries, huh?

Our final topic is a rehash of the first, only substituting UFO’s for ghosts. Blah blah blah Chris blah blah blah Uranus blah blah blah anal probe. No need for us to grab the low-lying fruit. Let’s just pretend we said something ultra-witty and we can all go on with our day.

The podcast that makes Manos: The Hands of Fate look like Citizen Kane.

Today’s Theme: Bad Movies. Surely Bill Cosby never did anything worse than Leonard Part Six...

Our first topic is bad movies with no redeeming qualities. This is a brave topic for Art to explore. considering the drubbing The Money Shot got at the box office. We’re kidding! It’s not like he even had the money to premiere this turd sandwich.

Our second topic is what makes bad movies... good. Mélodie feels there’s always a silver lining, no matter how poor the box office return. Tell that to Uma Thurman after her “star turn” in Motherhood. Seriously, you need to Google it.

Our third topic is our favorite locales from bad movies. AKA: Where would you live if given the chance. Oh great! Now Lex is throwing in the towel with a shitty topic. Boo hiss. For what it’s worth, Producer Kenny thinks the futon in Jaws: The Revenge looks mighty comfy...

Our final topic is what scenes in bad movies make you go all ROFLMAOCOPTER. Dan’s talking about when even the director knew the train wreck they were dealing with and just said f*ck it. You know, like we’ve done with this podcast since Day 1. 

“In the year 2525, if man is still alive...” LOL

Today’s Theme: The Future. *scans horizon* Still looks like a dumpster fire to me.

Our first topic is the innovation you’re afraid you won’t live long enough to see. Anyone ever read the theory about the Star Trek transporter secretly being a suicide device? Lex has... and he doesn’t care. Beam him up, jerkwads.

Our second topic VR with the deceased: would you or wouldn’t you? Leave it to this podcast to not get through an entire episode without talking about death and despair. And from a new panelist, Kat, no less. Bad form and welcome aboard!

Our third topic is flying cars and traffic of the future, the whole shebang. 3 of this episode’s panelists reside in the Golden State, so it’s no surprise that one of them, Kelly, wants to find any respite from the 405, preferably in the near future. For what it’s worth, 695 sucks too.

Our final topic is our favorite fictional portrayals of the future. Because he can’t go more than two weeks without a film topic, Art wanted us to stick to the world of cinema. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny’s just bummed that Star Wars is a) in the past and b) May the 4th has already come and gone.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... we sought out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before!

Today’s Theme: Star Wars. “I’d fuck a Wookiee.”

It’s a crossover episode. Huzzah! And for the week of May the 4th to boot! Everything’s coming up That was Disappointing.

Join Art, Lex, and Kenny as they tango with their better half’s from the Below the Belt (Shit) Show, Al and Chachi, on all things Mitochondria-related.

What’s the shittiest film that still holds a place in your heart?

What character would you bang?

Best/Worst places to live in this galaxy far, far away?

What would you use a Jedi mind trick on?

How have we not been canceled yet?

All of these questions and more will be answered in this very special episode. *swoons*

We’re now less than 600 shows away from catching up with The Simpsons. Huzzah!

Today’s Theme: Nostalgia. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the dregs of our lives...

Our first topic is what food stuffs we’re nostalgic for. Kate, it’s probably best not to ask the crew this question when we’re operating on an empty stomach, just an FYI. Did someone mention Hostess Fruit Pies? For the live of God, please tell me someone mentioned Hostess Fruit Pies!?

Our second topic is related to anemoia. That is, nostalgia for a time you’ve never known. Apparently, Art is sick of us teasing him about his film topics, so he’s making us pull out a f*cking Webster’s, just to figure out what he’s even asking about. Producer Kenny, don’t make us jettison you as well...

Our third topic is something you loved in your youth... only to realize it sucks now. We all look back on the way things used to be with rose-tinted glasses, be it prior relationships or memories from our youth. For example, Lex’s love of Picture Pages, Fat Albert and The Cosby Show, have definitely taken a wrong turn. Jinkees!

Our final topic is your go-to nostalgia that raises your spirits. So, Todd saw the name of our podcast, correct? Ain’t nothing out there that can rescue us from the doldrums of this dreary existence. That us, nothing other than Hostess Fruit Pies. Seriously though, does anyone know if those massive/delicious f*ckers are still around?

We’re a bigger disaster than Crash.

Today’s Theme: The Oscars. Better get ready to play us off...

Our first topic is whether award shows are even necessary. Art’s Hollywood dream must be fading as he’s sick of the drama. Pun intended. At the very least they’re not handing out participation trophies... yet.

Our second topic is if we’d be tempted to “sell out” if nominated for an Academy Award. Props to Mike who’s going to be steadfast in his convictions (and stick it to the man!) and never sellout. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny would sell his soul for an eclair.

Our third topic is why it always seems the Academy of Motion Pictures ignores the obvious choices. We thought Lex was talking about Avengers: Endgame, but he’s still smarting from the fact Drop Dead Fred didn’t receive a single nomination in 1991. womp womp

Our final topic is controversial Oscars hosts. Seth MacFarlane sang a song about boobs a few years ago, so we’ve probably hit the bottom of the barrel, right? Not so says Al, who wants to know just how awkward this star-studded event can get. Can’t we just hire Bobcat Goldthwait and move on?

The one apocalypse we’d be safe from as we don’t have the brains to spare.

Today’s Theme: Zombies. You know, the thing that should’ve stopped being a thing a decade ago.

Our first topic is the Best. Zombie Video Game. Ever. The fact Zombies Ate My Neighbors didn’t make the cut is a crime. Especially when a game about a farting zombie did! Matt, why didn’t you plan for this topic better?

Our second topic is if you were bitten, whether you’d a) put a bullet through your brain or b) allow yourself to become zombified. Lex is keeping it real... real fucking morbid! At least these topics won’t get anymore dire. Right, Producer Kenny?

Our third topic is what’s more terrifying: slow or fast zombies. I mean, how is this even a contest? Then again, given Art’s cardio, the slow zombies might be able to outpace him. In other news, we’re going to need a new cohost.

Our final topic is if you’d be able to put your loved one down if they became a zombie. Well, I guess that blows our second topic out of the water. Good thing Jeff’s wife doesn’t listen to our show or his sleeping arrangements would be downgraded from the couch to the tub. Hi-yo!

“It’s so hard to say goodbye to... Producer Dave!”

Today’s Theme: Goodbye Producer Davey, Hello Producer Kenny

Yep, Producer Dave is headed out the door. He received a promotion to something called fatherhood. Pfffffft!

Oh no, whatever will we do without someone who’s biggest contribution to the podcast is forgetting to update the Google Drive document? And we’re replacing him with someone, Producer Kenny, who’s been data mining and is from the school of analytics!? Oh woe is us!

Seriously though, all of his quirks/inefficiencies aside, he’s our brother and we love him. And we couldn’t be happier for him (and his wife) as he becomes a proud papa... even is he has no clue what he’s getting into. ❤️

Still more popular than Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch!

Today’s Theme: Baseball. We even brought in an extra panelist to pinch hit for Art as there’s only two balls he’s familiar with.

Our first topic is MLB’s lack of a salary cap. Lex wants to know if it makes a difference or do good teams just do smart things (e.g, the Baltimore Orioles from 1966-1983) and bad teams just do dumb things (e.g., the Baltimore Orioles from 1984 to 2180).

Our second topic is whether baseball is still considered to be America’s pastime. *guffaws* Sure thing, Art. Also, the Tooth Fairy is real and Mall Santas really do fly home to the North Pole every night. Seriously though, who else thinks Curling is ready to step up and earn its place in the sun?

Our third topic is reminiscing about the best game we ever attended. This was just an excuse for Ryan to talk about the time he got to sing the national anthem before a game. Regretfully, Dave didn’t share the tale about the time he met *redacted* in the tunnel and their (mis)adventures with the bat handle.

Our fourth (not final!?) topic is why is baseball just so gosh darn boring? I’m football, you have 11 separate battles on every single play; in baseball, you have a lot of crotch adjusting and stepping off the mound. I mean, the sports couldn’t be any more similar, Kenny. Just one of life’s many great mysteries...

And lastly, our final topic has to do with the best baseball film of all-time. Newcomer George had the perfect opportunity to make the case for The Bad News Bears Go to Japan but he punted for one of the classics. Speaking of, how could Tom Selleck and his beautiful mustache get no votes for Mr. Baseball?

Everybody...

Cringe your body...

Everybody...

Cringe your body right...

Shitheads back alright...

Today’s Theme: The 1990’s. Too soon for Justin Bieber, too late for Dexys Midnight Runners.

Our first topic is fashion. Specifically, what era of the 90’s was your spirit animal. Everyone remembers Art’s M.C. Hammer’s Pants-phase, so we’re not sure who he’s kidding when talking about his “grunge” look. Meanwhile, Producer Dave had to be reminded that Borat’s mankini didn’t come until a decade later. womp womp

Our second topic is what fad would you like to see make a comeback. Tim allowed us all to relive some of our favorite childhood tchotchkes that had their 15-minutes-of-fame. Sorry, but any debate that doesn’t include Bop It is complete and utter horseshit.

Our third topic is a battle of the boy bands. As in... an actual battle. Yes, Lex wants to know if they all threw down, which of these supergroups would reign supreme. A decade too late for Musical Youth and their anthem “Pass the Dutchie.” Google ‘em!

Our final topic is Y2K. Funny fact: Chris was born halfway into the decade, making him the ideal guest to talk to about 1990’s fashion and fads. JFC, it’s like we’re not even trying anymore. I’d say this is part of the show’s brilliance, but no, we’re really just that dumb. Or we need a new producer. Say that gives me an idea...

The luck of the Irish be with you! We are so f*cked.

Today’s theme: Happy St. Paddy’s Day. Be mindful of your drinkshcjdkcrujskpf...

Our first topic is whiskey dick. Instead of sharing his own personal horror story, Art decided to take a shot at another panelist, so in turn, another panelist aired Art’s dirty laundry. It’s the circle of life, Simba. Suffice to say, this is another good episode to listen to if you want any blackmail on the four of us.

Our second topic is what American hero/zero deserves to be their own Catholic Saint. Kenny was hoping his topic would stir some really patriotic conversation, but the only conclusion we were able to draw is that this country has some really shitty role models. I mean, when Colonel Sanders enters the fray, you’ve reached the doldrums.

Our third topic is how much money would it take for you to fight Conor McGregor. Lex ridiculously, foolishly, idiotically (or insert your own Mad Libs adjective here) says he’d fight Conor for no money as a) the 15-minutes of fame would net him more and b) he’d make a killing in the Cameo game afterwards. Meanwhile, Producer Dave wouldn’t accept any money as he just needs a warm embrace... even if it’s in the Octagon. *sniffs*

Our final topic is your worst hangover story. Chris continues to grasp at that low hanging fruit whenever we invite him on the show as a guest. I guess we should be glad his topic wasn’t “What’s your favorite beer?” Hmmm... not e to self, don’t invite him back in for the Cinco de Mayo episode.

In space, no one can sense your boredom.

Today’s theme: Your Balls, My Balls, SPACE BALLS!

Our first topic is what items you’d blast into space, knowing full well they’d be found by extraterrestrial life. Will Lex bring about the destruction of our planet with this topic? And more importantly, will sexy time be involved? Survey says YES!

Our second topic is our favorite space-related movie or television program. How Buck Rogers in the 25th Century was shafted but Pigs in Space got a vote is anyone’s guess. Make sure you send any hate mail to Kelly. However, send it C/O Producer Dave as we actually like her.

Our third topic is whether you’d take the plunge and take a one-way trip to the red planet. Guess there’s trouble in paradise as this is the topic Art brought to the program. I guess it’s better than the couch though, eh?

Our final topic is what planet, moon, etc., of our solar system you’d visit, if given the chance. Unfortunately, Jeff served us up a golden opportunity to make the first “Uranus” comment of the episode. To be fair, did you really think we could avoid it for the whole hour?

NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA WE SUCK!!!

We’re switching it up because we’re out of ideas. Huzzah! From now on all our topics revolve around a central theme. This week: dorks who wear their undies on the outside.

Our first topic is the infinity stones. Mind? Power? Reality? Soul? Space? Time? Our cohost with the least, Lex, wants you to pick your poison: What stone do you value most and would want to hold in your possession? What’s his obsession with bringing the world to his heel anyway? Doesn’t he see all the beauty in the—

scans the past year of news headlines

Never mind. Carry on!

Our second topic is our favorite one-shot storylines. Kenny isn’t talking The Dark Phoenix Saga or The Death of Superman. He’s thinking more the time Archie met The Punisher. Holy shit! How did we forget to mention this during the discussion!? Guess you can blame Producer Dave for not bringing it up in the chat. Then again, his understanding of comics begins and ends with Marmaduke, so perhaps we should give him a break...

Our third topic is what was the first comic that got us into our obsession. It’s hysterical that this is Art’s topic, given the fact that a) he couldn’t give a shit less about superheroes and b) he’d rather be traipsing about in a field with Frodo Baggins anyway. Still, here we are. E for Effort though, champ. 

Our final topic is the immortal question: Superman or Batman? As in, who’s your fave, knave? We’ll pause as you marvel at our elegant verbiage there. Ryan kept it safe in his inaugural appearance on the podcast. Hey, at least he didn’t ask who the lamest member was of the Justice League. We all know that’s Thor. Duh!

It’s the Birthday Special! Don’t care about Ben? Err... maybe skip this episode?

Our first topic is karaoke. Specifically, the times you really tore the house down with your bad self.

“Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you”

You can thank Al for that.

Our second topic is A Day in the Life of the Stanley Cup. The least popular sport (let’s be honest) has the coolest f***ing trophy and Lex wants to know what all the panelists would do if they got to spend a day celebrating with it. Yes, he would defile it. As would Producer Dave, who needs something other than his participation trophies to bask in.

Our third topic pertains to taking television characters from different eras and sticking them in a show from another era. Art will do anything to keep Dawson Leery relevant. Hell, he used to fancy himself as a character from the show... until life hit him like a garbage truck, if it were to repeatedly back up and run over him again-and-again-and-again.

Our final topic is like the end of Ghostbusters (the good one!) where you get to pick the object of your demise. The fact that our birthday boy, Ben, picked such a grim topic is probably a cause for concern, but seeing as hardly anyone listens to this show to begin with, it’s like screaming into a vacuum.

A divine number for an oh-so-shitty show. 

Our first topic is and bear with us here... what sense would you lose for a year if a) it honed the rest of your senses and b) your lost sense returned as a “super sense” after that one year. Between Art not understanding how Daredevil works and other panelists not knowing the five sense, we were firing on all cylinders here.

Our second topic is parallel universes. Specifically, what parallel universe version of yourself would you like to meet. All the Jiu-Jitsu and Sanshou training must be going to his head as Lex wants to meet the evil version of himself. Whether he can pull off the bald look of Lex Luthor is another question all-together. Answer: he can’t.

Our third topic pertains to Mercury in retrograde. Don’t know what we’re talking about it? Wiki it, fool. That’s what our sacrificial (show) virgin, Jay, told us to do when introducing this topic. He does realize that Producer Dave doesn’t even know how to say the word “Wikipedia,” let along use the service, right?

Our final topic is, and yet again, bear with us here... what parts of 3 different cities would you take to make your ideal city. Folks, this is the best you can get when you invite Chris on your show. His “grandiose” ideas are spur of the moment, so there’s really nothing we can do... but put him on last. Hi-yo!

Stonks! Otherwise known as the episode where Art puts r/wallstreetbets users on blast. *whistles*

Our first topic is parenting advice. Art decided to ask the three panelists (with kids) questions like “what surprised you the most?” and other dumb shit that made us guffaw. Meanwhile, as an expectant parent, Producer Dave thought it was wise to share his “knowledge” about the situation. Oh, to be the fly on the wall of his nursery when he realizes the knowledge you glean from a book on the topic is laughable.

Our second topic is overrated shit. We’ve touched on similar topics in the past, which shows that Joshua really prepared for this episode. We get it, you don’t like LOTR. That puts you in such lofty company as Randal Graves. If you have to Google that name, I doubt you’re even old enough to smoke yet, so you definitely shouldn’t be listening to this podcast.

Our third topic pertains to the GameStop stocks saga. We’re a bit behind in taping new episodes, so we get to be topical for once. Huzzah! Lex has no problem admitting he’d cave like a coward the moment something in his portfolio exploded like this rather than sticking it to The Man. He’d cry all about it too on his private beach in Tahiti. Losers!

Our final topic is fantasy realms we’d like to reside in. Sadly, we told Jeff his pick of the Playboy Mansion wasn’t an acceptable response as a) it’s a real location b) he doesn’t have the cred to get an invite and c) the restraining order is still in effect.

Captain's Log, Stardate 21001.5. We are currently circling Uranus.

Our first topic is our apocalypse survival kits. Kenny f-ed up by asking us to name 3 things we’d bring AND 3 things we wished we own (that we’d also bring). Only 24 hours in the day, grasshopper. Also, we’re fortunate enough to be able to remember our names at our advanced age, much less our disaster preparedness.

Our second topic is billboards. Specifically, what would you do if you were gifted one? If you love this topic, you should know that Ken didn’t come prepared and got this idea from one of his cohosts. If you hate this topic... well, blame Ken and Producer Dave. What did the latter do? He knows... he knows...

Our third topic is all about our performance fails. And I’m not talking about our prowess in the bedroom. Hi-yo! No, Art is inquiring about those awkward auditions, recitals, etc., which left an indelible impression on our psyches. We don’t have the heart to tell him he’s the only one who ever found himself on a “casting couch.”

Our final topic is kayfabe. As another panelist (see above) “borrowed” Lex’s topic for the week, Lex had to dig deep in the well and pull out a topic near-and-dear to every pro wrestling fan. Have no idea what “kayfabe” means? Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re listening to the episode then, asshole. xoxo

The episode where we talk about “hot snakes” coming out of your ass. That’s hot!

We like big butts and we can not lie. You other podcasters must deny.

It’s a battle of the shitty podcasts (pun intended) when Art and Lex square off with Jay and Becca (from the Between 2 Butts podcast) about all thing butt-related. What’s goes in them, what comes out of them and everything in-between. We know more about butts than your proctologist and aren’t afraid to share it.

If you’re a Rams, Ravens, Saints, or Browns fan, you have our sympathies. Loser!

Our first topic is the worst meal you’ve ever made. It’s a good thing that Chris substituted “made” for “had” as Paul Revere’s Smorgasbord would’ve been a runaway favorite. You had to have been there... especially to see Producer Dave opt for seconds. Goof!

Our second topic is mutant prejudice in the Marvel Universe. It bothers Lex to no end that mutants are the scapegoat of the American public. Why not send just as much shit the Avengers, Fantastic Four, etc. way? Lazy writing? Deeper meaning? Who gives a fuck? You decide.

Our third topic is our dream film. Look, Al is a bit of a VIP in the film industry. Those nanoseconds on film have to count for something! He’s wondering what would be our dream adaptation and who would star, direct, etc. How this discussion never got X-rated is anyone’s guess.

Our final topic is the Beatles vs. The Rolling Stones. Art has a pocket rocket for the Stones and is shocked, SHOCKED I say, when he finds out some of his fellow panelists don’t get the appeal. Moody Blues 4 Life!

It’s the Armageddon edition. Let’s go out and storm Kay Bee Toys! They’re still a thing, right?

Our first topic is internet piracy. From Napster to The Pirate Bay, we discuss where we all fall on the file sharing debate. Is it really the boogie man many have made it out to be? And why does the porn Art downloads never accurately fit the description?

Our second topic is stimulus dollar decisions. Spoiler alert: we got $600 instead of $2000. *sad trombone* Still, Jeff B. was wondering what (stupid) things we were going to splurge on with our newfound riches. Unfortunately, some of us weren’t eligible, so we’ll just have to work a little harder on our OnlyFans.

Our third topic is the taste of human flesh. Lex posts a hypothetical that...well, you read the topic. Let’s just all back away ever so slowly. On a lighter note, Producer Dave likes to pick his fingernails and eat them. It’s not the same thing!

Our final topic is about the “least manly things” we do. I guess Jeff F. thinks he eats lightning and craps thunder. Can we get a Tim “The Toolman” Taylor grunt here? That’s a Home Improvement reference for our younger listeners out there. *withers into dust*

It’s 2021! Wait... why is all this bullshit still the same?

Our first topic is simpler things we miss from our youth. Specifically, how the advent of technology has made life so much simpler...but also removed the heart. Look, Art wanted to reminisce after his brush with death/COVID-19. Who were we to knock him from his pedestal. Seriously though, glad you’re feeling better, homie.

Our second topic is gripes about our boo. Lex wants to know what your spouse/SO/ex/dom won’t let you do (difficulty: non-sexual) that drives you crazy. Sadly, Producer Dave’s better half won’t give him back his allowance until after he quits the show. Boo hiss.

Our third topic is about the craziest diets we’ve ever tried. Kelly opened up her mouth and showed us the “seafood diet.” Hardy har har. Seriously though, mad respect to all the pescatarians out there. We prefer you to leave the rest of us as much red meat as possible.

Our final topic is about home improvements. It would appear our Kenny fancies himself a 21st Century Bob Vila although he did manage to fit a holodeck reference into his spiel. We’re nerds, get it!?

It’s the post-Holiday lull. Let us sink your spirits further!

Our first topic is about reoccurring dreams (and their meanings). Chris H. picks a good topic for his first appearance on the show. How was he to know that one of the other panelists dreams about poop a lot... it could even be one of the co-hosts... it could even be the dingleberry writing this bio. Hint hint!

Our second topic is Animal Crossing. Specifically, what does Lex’s co-host and producer have against this gem of a game, considering they’ve banned him from ever talking about its merits in their social media page. Yes, we have a Facebook presence. And yes, it’s just as anti-climatic as it sounds.

Our third topic is historically based fictional films. A lil’ highbrow for us, Dave W., wouldn’t you say? In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t the Algonquin Round Table. Although we do drink all our libations with our pinkies raised.

Our final topic is what board games piss you off. Yes, Art doesn’t like monopoly. And no, it’s not just because his wife won’t let him play as the dog. Meanwhile, Producer Dave just can’t seem to build up a head of steam in Chutes and Ladders.

Hey... Christmas is December 25! How’s that for topical!?

Join Art, Lex, Producer Dave and returning guest panelists Kelly, Mike, Matt, Jeff and Tim, as we dry up all the remaining good cheer for this year with a litany of holiday topics. We put the “bah” into Bah Humbug, baby! Happy Festivus!!!

Jack Bauer was a badass. That is all.

Our first topic is our disappointing sexual encounters. Apparently, Mike was looking to get some blackmail on the rest of us. He realizes we don’t have any shame, right? *insert flaccid eggplant emoji here*

Our second topic is one for the ages: Bruce Wayne vs. Iron Man. No, that’s not a typo. Batman’s alter ego vs. his Marvel doppelgänger, dressed to the nines in any of his suits. Lex will always have the Dark Knight’s back. *insert fully erect eggplant emoji here*

Our third topic is memories of our bygone youth in Maryland. Because if there’s one thing our sole listener in South Korea gives a shit about, it’s happenings across the world in our halcyon days. That’s Strike 2, Ben. Keep it up and you’ll be a permanent host before you know it.

Our final topic is what we find confounding about today’s youth. Is this what we’ve become? Fuddy duddies in our old age. Well, at least Art has the baldness to go with his advanced age. Meanwhile, Producer Dave just has the hemorrhoids.

It’s the Attack of the Dan(s)! 

Our first topic is what popular superhero you’d choose as your wingman. After all, we need all the help we can get. That said, Dan S., how many times do we have to tell you that the answer is always Batman? Next!

Our second topic is when is it too early (if ever) to decorate for the holidays. It’s Lex’s opinion that there’s a bunch of Scrooge McDuck’s (heh) on this panel. Hell, Producer Dave leaves his up year round... mostly because he’s afraid of ladders.

Our third topic is what you would have as your last meal. Basically, Art would spend the remainder of his hours at Golden Corral. A fitting end, wouldn’t you say? At least he didn’t pick Sizzler!

Our final topic is what hobbies you’ve revisited during lockdown. It’s not like we don’t have the time nowadays, amiright? Dan M. has aspired to be even more of a handsome devil during the pandemic. Not a hobby per se, but we’ll let him roll with it.

How are we still on the air!? 🤡

Our first topic is what popular TV show was just “meh” to you. We get it, Tim. You don’t like SpongeBob SquarePants because of the anthropomorphism. yawns Meanwhile, we don’t have the heart to tell Dave that Candle Cove is creepypasta (Wiki it!) and wasn’t something he actually watched as a kid...

Our second topic is what animal would you choose to splice with genetically, if given the chance. I suppose we should be proud of the fact that Art didn’t choose a horse, but let’s be honest, he’s just kidding himself.

Our third topic is what would you rather have: personal chef, live-in maid or private chauffeur. Lex found out all of his friends are too lazy to cook a TV dinner. Meanwhile, perhaps we shouldn’t mention that he already has a maid service that stops by once a week.

Our final topic is what are your guilty pleasure YouTube videos. We’re proud of the fact that Mike admits he’s behind some of the Elsagate videos (again, Wiki it!) and will seek the necessary help to fight this addiction. The first step is always to admit there’s a problem.

We celebrate turning 21 by doing something really, really stupid.

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over-and-over and expecting different results. I’d like to think he’d also say doing a power hour (when you’re an old fogey) is equally as stupid.

Only one episode until we’re of legal age to drink. Please don’t check our college records.

Our first topic is what would be the best (and conversely, worst) video game worlds to live in. I guess we should count ourselves lucky Art’s choice wasn’t The Guy Game. Seriously, Wiki (is that a verb?) it. Still, Animal Crossing gave us all pause.

Our second topic is what was your biggest disappointments from high school. Surprisingly, James’ wasn’t that he was locked in the locker every other day. Now, how Producer Dave was the one shoving kids into lockers everyday is anyone’s guess.

Our third topic is tattoos. If forced to get one, what would be your first (or next) tattoo? Lex’s choice of Gadget (from Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers fame) on his derrière was... yeah.

Our final topic is what were the Drug PSA’s that scarred you growing up. From diving into empty swimming pools to... well, we kinda ran out of ideas there. But hey, fun topic regardless. Take a bow, Ben!

Similarly, there are only 19 plagues left in the year. Eat, drink and be merry!

Our first topic is things that turned out waaaaaaaaaay more awkward from what you expected. How Chris thought a jar of peanut butter, a hungry Pomeranian, and her sheer machismo could’ve ended any other way is beyond the rest of us, but we applaud how forthcoming he was.

Our second topic is what’s your crazy, most irrational fear. Most of us have fond memories of Lex’s “Is this the Gehrig” phase. As an aside, his new fear is why Producer Dave was taking such vigorous notes while Chris described his trust in our first topic...

Our third topic is what you’d do if you knew it was your final day alive. Given the state of the world, our best guess is Art’s read the writing on the wall. Stay tuned for our Very Special Memorial Edition of That was Disappointing coming soon!

Our final topic is what movie didn’t get a sequel that should have. We didn’t have the heart to tell Ken that his pick of The Land Before Time was unwarranted. And why does Howard the Duck keep coming up in these film topics!

18!? We’re now legally adults! *insert fart sound*

Our first topic is what songs invoke nostalgia within us. You can color us all surprised that Art picked *NSYNC. It’s not like any of us remember his “Dawson Leary” phase, after all.

Our second topic is what things you can’t look away from. At least, we think that was Josh’s topic. He’s new to the show (and we already have another panelist named Josh), so let’s come him some slack... this time! Next time, Hell hath no fury like a purple nurple.

Our third topic is what changes you would like to make to your body. At least Nunu’s response was realistic; meanwhile, Producer Dave had to opt for a 14’ schlong. Only 13’ 11” to go. Hi yoooo!

Our final topic is celebrity freebies. If you’re in a serious relationship or married, you’ve had this conversation with your SO. Although the fact that Alex’s wife has a harem does give him pause...

It’s November 2nd, which gives you plenty of time to think of all the things you’re thankful for in 2020. :)

Our first topic is what movie soundtracks are better than their actual films. We’re sure Art’s employer (i.e., the Mouse) would love to hear all about how Frozen and Aladdin “blows chunks” and “sucks ass,” respectively.

Our second topic is what 80’s films could be revisited as contemporary television series. Apparently, Jay has a lot more affection for the Brat Pack than the rest of us. If you have no idea what we’re talking about, well... you’re probably too young to be listening to this show.

Our third topic is just how much our government knows about UFO’s. Jeff seems to have a worrying amount of knowledge regarding anal probes. Meanwhile, Producer Dave giggles like a schoolgirl at every mention of the word “Uranus.”

Our final topic is whether or not the lottery should be considered a tax on the stupid and/or poor. Lex hasn’t won jackshit yet, but that hasn’t stopped him or his coworkers (from his real job) of partaking in this frivolous task. It’s normal to have a second (or third) mortgage, right?

“Boys and girls of every age

Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

Come with us and you will see

This, our town of Halloween

This is Halloween, this is Halloween”

*record screech*

Alright, enough of that horseshit.

Join Art, Lex, Producer Dave and a bunch of returning panelists, as they talk all things Halloween and list in explicit detail why all you heathens are on the Highway to Hell.

It’s raining ladies. Hallelujah!

Our first topic is what animal would you make rideable. We’re talking no matter how big nor how small. However, Lex did give the caveat that fictional characters (e.g., Falkor) were off limits. Hell, he would’ve ridden Mike Wazowski into battle if given the chance!

Our second topic is your pet peeves out on the road. Art is aware these are only 10-minute topics, correct? It’s nice to know that no matter your location in the continental United States, asshats abound.

Our third topic is what your superpower would be. It’s surprising that it’s taken this long for such a topic to come up on the show. Though it’s a little unnerving that Becca would like to have Doctor Manhattan’s powers, just so she could destroy us all...

Our final topic is your all-time favorite Halloween costume. Leave it to Kelly to fill us with the horror of 1980’s costumes that you could neither see, hear nor breathe in. Producer Dave still loves his Ken doll outfit, especially given the fact it’s anatomically correct.

[Art, insert fire comment here in post]

Our first topic is what’s the best and worst advice you’ve ever received. Suffice to say, whoever gave Art his worst advice deserves to get their ass kicked. Of course, the same could be said for whoever advised us that a podcast was a good idea. womp womp

Our second topic is in reference to our guilty pleasures. Great choice, Kenny. ‘Tis the season, so I hope at least one person says Reese’s Peanut Butter Pumpkins! So help me if anyone says Circus Peanuts...

Our third topic is what scams we’ve fallen for. Chris has had to deal with his fair share of Nigerian Prince schemes. Fortunately, he’s never woken up in a tub missing one of his kidneys. *cough Producer Dave cough*

Our final topic is about what President (dead) we’d fight if given a chance. Lex isn’t a dummy, he threw in that caveat since he knew who the popular choice would be. Remember to go and vote on Nov. 3rd, kids.

I’d say 13 is unlucky, but we’ve already seen our viewership numbers, so —

Our first topic is villains who get a bad break. It’s really hard to humanize someone who wants to eat his enemies heart and murder their children, ensuring their bloodline has been wiped from the face of the planet... but Lex does his best to do so anyway. Mazel tov!

Our second topic is would you rather be able to speak to all animals (think Dr. Doolittle) or all people (w/ no language barrier). Vijay, with all due respect, can’t we just accept that most, if not all, people suck and just table this discussion?

Our third topic is about pampering. Josh appreciates the glitz and glamour of a mani-pedi. Meanwhile, Producer Dave just needs a few minutes each day to powder his nose.

Our final topic is about the apps we’ve always wanted to see. Shockingly, Art has yet to figure out there’s an app for everything! Although... I don’t believe there’s an app yet for this podcast. Someone get on that STAT!

On the 12th day God created 12 Drummers Drumming. Wait — is that right?

Our first topic is about hot takes. Art doesn’t remember what the topic was specifically about, which bodes well for the remainder of the program...

Our second topic is a spooky one: would you rather live with a shadow person (Wikipedia it!) for the rest of your life or be possessed a random day every year (for the rest of your life) by a spirit? Somehow the topic of Bigfoot blowing loads in your face also rears its ugly head. Keep it classy, Lex!

Our third topic is about the toys we always wanted. As Ken only got coal around the holidays, his list was rather extensive. Fortunately, his friends let him play with the cardboard boxes their toys came in and it did wonders for his imagination. Meanwhile, Producer Dave still regrets the Furby that got away.

Our final topic is about the worst jobs we’ve ever had. Devon has hated all his jobs/coworkers equally, so there’s that. On a side note, you might wanna reconsider your next trip to Nationals Park for reasons. *nervous cough*

Did you know that World War I ended on the eleventh day of the eleventh month at the eleventh hour? Now you do!

Our first topic has us reminiscing about cafeteria lunches. Art longs for the days of flat square, tasteless pizza. Obviously, he doesn’t realize Ellio’s pizza is still a thing. HIYOOOO!

Our second topic regards who played the best Batman. We’d prefer Al keep his hands where everyone can see them while discussing George Clooney’s batsuit nipples.

Our third topic is about a) having the ability to just wake up in a new place tomorrow and b) what that place would be. That seems awfully complicated. Ben clearly didn't listen to any previous episodes to see that we don't do complicated well. Do better next time.

Our final topic is what’s our favorite non-sexual fantasy. Fortunately, Lex saves the episodes per usual, so just feel free to fast forward to the 45-minute mark or whatever. Although, Producer Dave’s choice of being a custodian onboard the Death Star does give us pause.

Double digits, baby!

Our first topic pertains to celebrity deaths. Again, it goes without saying that 2020 has been the shits. However, who’s the one celebrity that, they were to expire tomorrow), would leave you utterly inconsolable? Lex fears for Abe Vigoda. We don’t have the heart to tell him.

Our second topic is about fictional character(s) we’d bring to life if given the chance. As Art’s response was neither Falkor nor the Iron Giant, you can take his opinion with a giant grain of salt. Meanwhile, Producer Dave wants to hang with Blippi. We’ll let you draw your own conclusions...

Our third topic is about our old man tendencies. For being the youngest man on our panel, Josh sure does have a lot to bitch about. Meanwhile, everyone else on this episode already has one foot in the grave as the gray hair, receding (or nonexistent) hairlines and/or bulging waistlines would show you.

Our final topic doesn’t exist... it’s a roast. Yep, Chris was dumb enough to get engaged and not think some of his closest friends would rag on him about it. Has he learned nothing from last week’s Wives episode?

We invited our wives to share the down and dirty on us... and then we only gave ourselves 60 seconds each for a rebuttal. 

Listen as they obliterate us and discover...

- which disappointing husband bites his toenails on the sofa...

- which disappointing husband pees in a cup...

- which disappointing husband can't seem to clean up after himself like a grown-ass man...

When you give us a rave review, be sure to mention our wives!

*screams into the void*

Our first topic pertains to overrated chain restaurants. Lex inquires as to what food is just “blah,” regardless of its namesakes popularity. If you like In-N-Out, err... you might wanna skip this episode. Seriously, you can find better french fries in your freezer aisle.

Our second topic is about if we had one do-over in life... what would you use it for? Tim waxes philosophical about love lost and found. Meanwhile, Producer Dave wishes he could have a do-over on the wives episode. Airing next week, BTW!

Our third topic is about our weird bathroom habits. Does every man do a strip tease in their own private abode? Dan certainly thinks so, as does the rest of the panel. If you were looking for another reason why all men are gross, you’ve found it, ladies.

Our final topic is about sequels to decades old franchises. That’s 3 episodes straight now where Art’s topic has pertained to movies and/or celebrities. Way to bleed that topic dry, champ! Seriously though, it’s all good. We know you’re just living vicariously through others more successful achievements.

*tumbleweed rolls by*

Our first topic pertains to our first celebrity crushes growing up. While Art’s choice of the “Where’s the Beef” lady was, err... unique, it had nothing on Producer Dave’s choice of the “Would you please pass the jelly?” guy from the Polaner All Fruit ads. The 1980’s were certainly a magical time.

Our second topic is about Lex... just Lex. Matt would like to know what on earth convinced the rest of the crew that teaming up with Lex (for this endeavor) was a good idea. Come for the “poop” talk, stay for the jeans conversation. 

Our third topic is about the existence of aliens. Our resident NASA Ambassador, Kelly, wants to know if we’re alone in the universe. Pretty sure if there any E.T.’s out there, they’re loving the 2020 season of Planet Earth. It’s fire!

Our final topic is about the best rumor you ever heard about yourself. Per usual, Lex is the only one willing to share anything incriminating about himself. So, for any of his enemies out there, get your tissues and lotion ready.

It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it has to record again.

Our first topic is the first ostentatious purchase you’d make after winning the lottery. Listen as Joe has to explain that a Hot Toys collectible figurine is NOT the same thing as a sex doll. More surprisingly, it’s not Producer Dave that dreams of having a unicorn...

Our second topic is about the price of fame. Chris asks if we should feel compassion for President-Elect Kanye West and future First Lady Kim Kardashian-West, given their entire life is fodder for the tabloids. Won’t anyone think of the children!?

Our third topic is about the films that scared the shit out of us as kids. Unfortunately, Art still can’t get over the fact that The NeverEnding Story did, in fact, have a normal runtime. Also, who knew a film about cute little bunny rabbits could be so incredibly evil?

Our final topic is about the vices that we’ve been feeding during the COVID-19 pandemic. Dan has become mighty familiar with the underside of his table. The rest of us would be drinking too... if we could afford it. womp womp

Our first topic is the grammar police. Art has a beef with any internet commenters that choose to correct his various miscues. If he had given more of a shit in school (fun activity: ask him about his GPA) perhaps this wouldn’t be an issue...

Our second topic is about inventions that didn’t arrive. Did Back to the Future, Blade Runner, etc., lie to us? Kenny certainly thinks so. Meanwhile, Producer Dave just wants one of those swell paddle cars from The Flintstones.

Our third topic is about your best thrift store finds. According to Ryan, it’s only a matter of time until he has a million dollar-find. We hope that’s the case for his sake as all he’s found so far are fleas and lice.

Our final topic is about the moratorium on spoilers. Isn’t it a tad ridiculous that Red Dead Redemption 2 was released a couple of years back and Joe still as to walk on eggshells around some of his fellow panelists? Newsflash: It doesn’t take a seer to realize why some of the characters from this game (which is a prequel) aren’t mentioned in the original. The More You Know!

Out first topic is your Supermarket Sweep strategy. The 90's fad has made a triumphant return (to Netflix) and Joe is curious about everyone's updated strategies. How he'll tie his man crush Guy Fieri into this? You'll have to listen for yourself.

Our second topic is ghostly encounters. For someone who doesn't believe in anything, Jeff sure has had some strange shit happen to him. Who you gonna call? Not Producer Dave, he's a wuss.

Our third topic is movies we love despite their sucktitude. How Art didn't plug The Money Shot (now on Amazon Prime!) is anyone's guess.

Our final topic is forgotten day-to-day activities during the COVID-19 pandemic. Glad to see that Chris, too, is avoiding any hot button issues. Can't wait to hear his thoughts on the 2020 election!

Our first topic is what’s more likely to be bullshit, the moon landing or the existence of Bigfoot. As Joe correctly and brilliantly (bet you can’t guess who writes these descriptions) points out, there’s something truly peculiar about that image of the flag on the moon...

Our second topic is what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth. Get your mind out of the gutter! Al’s question didn’t have any sexual innuendo... it was just bland.

Our third topic is nerd culture. Kenny waxes poetic about the acceptability of being a dweeb in today’s culture. We have met the enemy and it is us.

Our final topic is your favorite drunk stories. Surprisingly, the time Art shit his pants didn’t make the cut.

Our first topic is what everyday activity would you happily quit cold turkey, provided it wasn’t unhygienic nor detrimental to your health. Basically, Joe tried to be smarter than he actually is with this topic and it backfired spectacularly.

Our second topic is movie theater closures in our current COVID-19 environment. Hey Mike, what part of no hot button issues do you not understand? Asshole...

Our third topic is toy nostalgia. Join us as Art waxes nostalgic for his Cabbage Patch Dolls and Strawberry Shortcake play set.

Our final topic is your funny low points. Watch as Chris brings to the table a heartfelt topic that brings to light such issues as infidelity and being rejected by terminal cancer patients. Oh, the “lighthearted” hilarity!

Come listen to the podcast that’s receiving rave reviews on the Apple Store. And not just from our wives either!

Our first topic is awkward boners. Learn how Joe's crush on Gillian Anderson led to an awkward incident during a Neil Simon play.

Our second topic is the afterlife. Listen as Art dances around the topic, inferring he’d love to spend eternity as a Hobbit, frolicking in The Shire.

Our third topic is the best film set in the Marvel Universe. Surprisingly, Jeff's pick of Iron Man 2 wasn’t well-received. For the record, the answer is Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Our final topic is the restart of the MLB season. Listen to Matt's homer pick of the O’s finishing with a better record than the Yankees. Perhaps he can compare Lamar Jackson’s “success” in the playoffs to that of Patrick Mahomes in a future episode?

Look at how Producer Dave has such a shit internet connection that he had to be on two separate lines on our Zoom call. Huzzah!

Come listen to the podcast that’s receiving rave reviews on the Apple Store. And not just from our wives either!

A new podcast about two old friends talking to their friends, old and new alike. Join Art and Lex, along with Producer Dave, as they host a weekly roundtable discussion about anything and everything from the mundane to the esoteric, the thought-provoking to the silly. You won't find politics and hot-button issues here; just good friends and good talk. Pour yourself a drink and join the guys. You won't be disappointed... though you wouldn't be wrong if you were.

Coming July 27th, 2020.

Warning: Adult Language