The Autism Mums Podcast

Understanding Sensory Differences in Autism

Tue, 12 May 2026 01:00:00 +0100

Sensory differences affect up to 95% of autistic people, yet they’re often misunderstood as “fussy” behaviour or being dramatic.

In this episode, we break down what sensory processing really is.

Key Takeaways

The 8 sensory systems (not just the 5 you learned at school)
Hypersensitivity vs hyposensitivity
Sensory defensiveness
Why supermarkets, lunch halls, hand dryers and clothing can feel unbearable
How sensory overload impacts eating, sleep, learning and behaviour
Practical strategies for calming, alerting and organising regulation

We also share personal examples from our own families and discuss how to support sensory needs at home and in school, with curiosity, compassion and less shame.

Because behaviour is communication and regulation matters more than compliance.

Mentioned in This Episode

The National Autistic Society

Beat Eating Disorders

Loop earplugs

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Before the Diagnosis: What to Do When Your Child Is Struggling and Support Feels Miles Away

Tue, 05 May 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about what to do when your child is struggling and support feels a long way off.

We talk honestly about what it feels like when things start to break down before any formal support is in place, and share the practical things that actually helped us and our children during that difficult waiting period.

Key Takeaways

You are not alone — there will be other parents in the same situation, often hovering outside the same school gate.
Schools receive additional funding for children on the SEN register even without an EHCP. You can ask how this funding is being used to support your child.
Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996, your local authority has a legal duty to provide suitable full-time alternative education for children who cannot attend school - this applies whether or not your child has an EHC plan.
Councils and schools don't always tell you what's available. Do your own research.
SENDIASS offers free, impartial advice.
When your child's nervous system is overwhelmed, reduce demands across the board, including everyday things like getting dressed or sitting at the table. This is temporary, and you can rebuild later.
Lean into whatever regulates your child, whether that's screens, gaming, Lego, or their special interest. This is not the time to restrict it.
Movement, nature, and quieter environments can be powerful regulators, particularly away from busy, sensory-heavy places.
Other parents ahead of you on this journey are one of your best sources of information.
If you can access the Early Bird course (or a similar programme in your area) even before a formal diagnosis it can be well worth it.
It is okay to say no to birthday parties, family events, and social obligations that are too much right now, for your child and for you.
Look after yourself. Connect with other parents, speak to your GP, consider counselling. You cannot advocate well for your child if you are running on empty.
Trust yourself. You know your child better than anyone. Don't let that be swayed.

Mentioned in This Episode

SEN Budget for Mainstream Schools

Advice about School Anxiety

Getting Temporary Education Put in Place

SENDIASS — free, confidential, impartial advice and support for families of children with SEND: find your local service

The Horse Course — equine intervention for children with anxiety: thehorsecourse.org

Early Bird Programme — support for families of autistic children, usually post-diagnosis

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Growing Up Together: Siblings and Autism

Tue, 28 Apr 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this episode, Natalie and Victoria talk about raising siblings who have different needs.

Key Takeaways

How sibling dynamics shift over time, especially as children reach their teens
The unique challenges that come with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) in sibling relationships
Why it's important to let siblings just be siblings, rather than stepping into a co-parenting role
Sensory clashes between siblings — when one child's coping mechanism is another's trigger
Explaining autism to younger siblings in an age-appropriate way
How to handle meltdowns when both children need you at the same time
Fairness vs. equality — why "everyone gets what they need" is a more helpful frame than equal treatment
The importance of one-on-one time and separate activities for each child

Mentioned in This Episode

Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity An informative and inclusive children's guide to neurodiversity for those not in the know and to inspire children who are neurodivergent.

MyTime Young Carers — weekly online activities and events for siblings of disabled children

Sibs — UK charity dedicated to supporting brothers and sisters of disabled people

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In this episode, we're talking about what it can look like growing up with an autistic brother and sister. What does that look like for siblings?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so we are coming at it from the perspective of parents observing a sibling relationship

every family is different, but there are definitely common things that come up that I'm sure you'll recognize.

Victoria Bennion: One of the things that comes up, I've noticed is difference in development. Sometimes there's an age gap and sometimes there isn't, but you might notice children reaching milestones. In a different order or at a different pace than you expected?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I definitely noticed that with mine. I think I've been thinking about this a lot more recently because I have a younger daughter, older son. A son with diagnosis, and the rates of development of each child, in some ways the youngest is catching up with the oldest when there's a five-year difference.

And looking at the impact of that on the older one. I think it can bring up mixed [00:01:00] feelings for siblings

sometimes it can be motivating or encouraging, but other times it can feel confusing, especially when trying to understand something that seems easy for one child and it's hard for the other.

Victoria Bennion: I think that's where gentle age, appropriate explanations can help a bit. Talking about how everyone's brain works differently and how development isn't a straight line.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we've used books in the past. I don't know if you've, done that. Mine's a much younger child, but we have started introducing, what autism is to her and we do have a book that explains that brains work differently, which we can link to in the show notes, which could be quite helpful.

Victoria Bennion: That's a good idea. We've used a couple of videos, which would been helpful, but not books, but mine are a little bit older.

Natalie Tealdi: I think another thing that comes up for us is that communication styles can be different. So if one child has PDA, and big anxieties around demands, that can be quite tricky for a sibling to understand.

Victoria Bennion: Oh, yeah. Particularly if one uses direct language, even if they [00:02:00] don't mean it unkindly, it can feel like pressure to the other sibling and the other sibling doesn't always realize

Natalie Tealdi: yeah, we definitely have that with my youngest is trying to be mothering and be helpful.

But using quite a lot of language, like trying to tell my son what to do and it doesn't always go down well 'cause it's not quite how we would phrase things either. So trying to be helpful, but then it's kind of backfiring.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Something that we've found it quite helpful to do is to try to reinforce to the older siblings that they don't need to be.

Co-parent. They don't need to try to manage the other's behavior, on our behalf. I've said that's what me and your dad are for. Your role is to be a sister. But that's something that we've really had to be mindful of and work on because it was causing problems.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And you really wanna protect that relationship. That brother sister relationship can be so important. And you don't really want one of them to be thinking the repair and the other, a child saying,

Victoria Bennion: no, absolutely not.

[00:03:00] I think really when you're managing different needs within a household or two autistic children that might have really different profiles, there can be this clash and it can be really tricky.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. Like one might really need to make noise or repetition or move more and the other might need quiet and space and predictability and that can be really hard to cater for those needs.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we've had that. When we were on holiday, we were in a situation and it was quite crowded and one. My children needed to make noise to regulate themselves, and the other needed silence, and then they're rubbing each other up the wrong way and getting very cross. I mean, it's, neither of these needs are wrong, but.

It can create friction.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. We have that in the car sometimes as well. Like one will need to make noise. The other really desperately wants some quiet and this really boring journey and I just wanna zone out. So it is at that point we building breaks. Let's have a stop here. And I run around lots and lots of breaks on long trips, drips.

Yeah. [00:04:00] So with parenting, you're not just supporting the siblings individually, you're also supporting the relationship between them.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's important, and I think it's about explaining the behaviors in a way that builds empathy between them, helping them understand each other's nervous systems and what each need.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And I think, that can be received and it just depends how they are at the time, can't it? Sometimes they can be understanding and sometimes they just don't really care. Absolutely. We do our best.

Victoria Bennion: I've certainly noticed the dynamic shifted as one of my children became a teenager. When they were

younger, It was much easier, but I think maybe becoming older and then wanting more responsibility, that might have changed it a bit and it widened that gap.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Another thing that is quite important to talk about is the invisible child dynamic.

Victoria Bennion: Yes. The child who isn't in crisis, the one that's seeming to be able to cope, the one who gets described as the easy one. I mean, I have one of those once upon a time.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think it changes depending on [00:05:00] what phases everybody's in. Doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: Well, for sure in our household it's definitely like a Seesaw one is okay and it's not.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. But I think children can learn really quickly not to add to the stress at home. You know, be quiet, Don.

Disrupt the balance. And so they might downplay their own needs.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It can look positive on the surface. They can look mature, responsible, understanding, but underneath there can be needs that aren't being voiced.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so it is definitely worth checking in with the one who seems to be fine.

'cause no, not necessarily always at are,

Victoria Bennion: and that can be hard when you've got your hands full with a child that's struggling. But yeah, it's definitely just worth flagging if you can check in on the other child.

Natalie Tealdi: I think as a parent you kind of look for, please be one of them.

Be all right, please let one of them be all right so I can focus on the other one. And so I think you can get into that situation really quite easily. Yeah. But yeah, it's just being aware of it, isn't it really.

Victoria Bennion: Definitely. Another big theme that [00:06:00] we come across in our household is fairness.

Natalie Tealdi: Mm. Yes. Why does one sibling have different rules from the other, and why do the consequences look different, and why does one get more attention than the other?

Yeah. That can be really tricky.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. I think a phrase that we find helpful to say is fair doesn't always mean equal. Fair means everybody gets what they need.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think that's really good. It can open up, important conversations and reduce feelings of favoritism.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. In terms of the emotions that come up, I think it's important to give siblings permission to have these mixed emotions.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. I mean, they can have a really good relationship and really love each other, but they can also feel frustrated, embarrassed, tired, you know? That's totally normal.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. And I think it's important to reassure them that these feelings don't make them bad siblings in any way.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

I think one thing to think about as well is avoiding relying on siblings as unpaid [00:07:00] carers. I think this can happen, and I can see how it could happen, too.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, actually, I think one Both my children were at school together for, it was only maybe a year that they overlapped, but actually my eldest child was being called to support my youngest child when they were in the school situation.

And at that time she didn't mind but I do think that is something that can happen, particularly if you've got an older sibling who's particularly good with a younger one, but you don't want them to feel the resentment, 'cause I think often it can swing back a bit.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: Have you ever had any situations come up when you've been in public? Because I know in the past we've had, an issue with social sides, perhaps attending birthday parties together where one can't cope or. Days out being in public, I mean, we've had some quite disastrous trips to Legoland.

Always sticks in my mind, with one of my children, couldn't cope. One was up for all the rides and everything, and we ended up having to leave early. [00:08:00] So that can cause resentment and. Needs handling carefully.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, it can be really tricky. I think we never think anything's guaranteed when we go for a day out or with socializing and meeting up with people.

There's always like a backup plan. So if one of them's not struggling, then we'll split up, and do it that way. But yeah, it can be really hard.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, when they were younger, we had to do quite a lot of explaining like their brain works differently.

Have you covered the topic, with either of your children. of what it can look like when the other is struggling?

Natalie Tealdi: A little bit. Yes. My son has a DHD can be quite hyperactive, so we do say things like, he's feeling hyper needs space, stay with mommy and daddy. That kind of thing. Just to introduce how to recognize it and what we do.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I think that's really important.

Natalie Tealdi: And we've talked about separating when one child needs a break or whatever. And I think actually that can [00:09:00] be really good for your parent relationship with each child as well. Having that one-on-one time, it helps them to feel like they are important and they're not being ignored. That their needs are being met.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, definitely. It's something that I'm trying to work in more time to do because particularly I've got one that struggles in busy places and I don't wanna plan, say a trip to London for the whole family and then end up staying in the hotel room as has happened before. 'cause one child can't cope, so trying to do separate trips.

And seeing how it goes. So that one child who I know will cope and be fine, gets to enjoy it and the other child gets my undivided attention the next time. And if it's a disaster, that's fine. We forget it. We'll go home, we'll do what they need.

Natalie Tealdi: And I think it's okay to do things a little bit differently.

Okay? So we might not go on family holidays all together all the time. It's okay for one parent to go off with one child for a few days and the other just do what works and do what's gonna [00:10:00] make everybody happy.

Victoria Bennion: It's a bit of trial and error, isn't it? And I think it changes over time.

Different developmental phases.

Natalie Tealdi: Gosh. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And just with them having their own interests as well. One might be into dancing, one might be into climbing, and that's fine. Go off and do your own thing. You know, we don't all have to do everything together.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, a hundred percent

A couple of years ago, one of my children had support from the young carers charity, MyTime. They can offer a lot of support if you do find that one of your children, is struggling with the behavior of siblings. My child used to go to weekly Zoom calls where you could sign up and do art or yoga, I think she did at one point, and they often had events as well, and it was just really helpful during a stressful period for them to be able to do something that was for them.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, that's really nice.

Victoria Bennion: We can put a link to MyTime in the show notes, but they're really, they do some really good work.

Natalie Tealdi: And there are some other key support services and organizations such as Sibs, which is a dedicated UK [00:11:00] charity providing resources, training, and support for brothers and sisters of disabled children. There's Young Sibs, very similar. There's Contact, Carers Trust, and Sense. And we'll put all the links to those in the show notes.

Victoria Bennion: We'd love to hear your sibling stories, so do get in touch, and we might be able to feature them in a future episode. Links to all the support organizations that we mentioned are below this episode in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening to the Autism Mum's podcast.

Take care of yourself and each other

PDA Parenting

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to the subject of PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance.

PDA is a profile of autism where the standout feature is demand avoidance - and the behaviours that come with it are often misunderstood, dismissed as naughtiness or stubbornness. We're drawing on guidance from the PDA Society alongside our own lived experience to help you understand what's really going on, and what actually helps.

Key Takeaways

PDA is an autism profile where everyday demands can trigger intense anxiety and a need for control.
Responses commonly look like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
Many children with PDA have a spiky profile - real strengths in some areas and significant challenges in others. Appearing articulate or socially capable can mask what's really going on inside.
Some common approaches make things worse - strict routines, reward charts, behaviour systems, and countdowns can all increase anxiety and erode trust. It varies so much between children.
Think of boundaries with an elastic band around them: knowing what really matters and letting the rest go.
Language matters. Swapping direct demands for gentle suggestions, indirect phrasing, and offering real choices can make a significant difference.
Responding with compassion, curiosity, and calm - even when you're screaming inside - is what keeps things from escalating.
The PDA Society frames this as a human rights issue, grounded in dignity, freedom, and choice — and that perspective can help justify approaches that might feel counterintuitive to others.
School settings often struggle with PDA because surface compliance hides deep need. Good assessment and clear educational planning really matter.

Mentioned in This Episode

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk

PDA Society Support and Training - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

57 - Parenting PDA

[00:00:00]

Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we're returning to a subject that we've covered before PDA, but this time, , we wanna go a little bit more deeper into it, is it something that comes up on a regular basis? And particularly as we were talking about the transitions that the children are going through as they grow up, and how you then handle that with a PDA child.

Natalie Tealdi: PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance and the behaviors that come with it are often misunderstood. We've both learned so much more since the episode we did on this before, and we want to share that experience with you.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we're gonna make sure that we draw on guidance from the PDA society, and we'll combine that with our own lived experience.

Talking about common traits.

What happens when every day demands trigger intense anxiety, how a rights-based approach changes our responses and where you can go to for support.

Natalie Tealdi: The PDA Society describes PDA as a profile of autism, where the standout feature is demand [00:01:00] avoidance. So people struggle with everyday demands, even ones they want or need to do.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's often mistaken for naughtiness or being really stubborn. So without the right understanding and support, PDA can really have a massive effect on daily life.

Natalie Tealdi: The key point is this demand avoidance is usually driven by anxiety and a need for control. I think that's been a really important one for me to understand. I try to come at it as a point of view of. My child's anxious and they need support rather than them just being

Defiant.

Victoria Bennion: Again, I know we say this a lot, but it's can't rather than won't, but it's just the way those behaviors come out that I think to someone who doesn't know what's going on, it can look like your child's being really, really naughty.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: I know that we have to be really careful about the language that. We use so that it doesn't come across as a demand, because , if it sounds like a demand and it can feel threatening to the [00:02:00] child and then their anxiety that they feel spikes into panic. So yeah. The PDA Society outlines four common responses.

Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So fight can look like oppositional or aggressive behavior. Flights may be leaving, hiding, running away. I know some children climb trees to get away, to somewhere that's nice and quiet and away from

Victoria Bennion: sound like you have experience of this.

Natalie Tealdi: And freeze can be zoning out or becoming non-verbal.

And fawn is people pleasing or over agreeing to avoid conflict.

Victoria Bennion: Well that's interesting.

Natalie Tealdi: Mm.

Victoria Bennion: So one of my children certainly freezes. So it's the zoning out and becoming non-verbal. That's what I would see a lot. And I didn't have a good understanding of what PDA was for a while. I saw it as the fight that you would see.

So it took me a little longer to realize that's what was going on.

Natalie Tealdi: I think between us all four of those things are kind of covered by our kids.

Victoria Bennion: [00:03:00] Yeah. Yeah. I think we can, we can cover those.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: For sure. One of the things that we have to be careful about is for example, saying you need to go and have a shower now.

That is just gonna be a flat out No. So I've learned over time that it's better to say. I think it would be a good idea to have a shower today. When would suit you? When do you think? Then even if we agree a time that would be forgotten. So I would then likely put a reminder on so it's not me then pressuring it's two o'clock, you said you'd have a shower at two o'clock.

I get Alexa to do it.

Natalie Tealdi: Right.

Victoria Bennion: That seems to work better for us, but a teacher at my son's first school actually used some of those techniques with him , it was in a report that was done where someone was observing that she actually worked those into her, language.

It said in the report that he was wearing gloves but had been given a laptop. So as she walked away, she said gloves off rather than, you must take [00:04:00] your gloves off. It was things like that

Natalie Tealdi: like just a little suggestion, but also not even using the, the eye contact or anything.

Victoria Bennion: That's what was picked up on I think it was quite skillfully done, and that's what's needed, but I've only really become aware of it in the last few months of how much. More I need to be using the techniques that would work for PDA rather than autism.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think it's something we've talked about as well is as the children are getting older and you want to encourage a bit of independence in some areas, but also is trying to find that right balance, isn't it, by gently encouraging, but not pushing and making them stressed.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, definitely. ,

Natalie Tealdi: PDA goes beyond just demand avoidance.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, Many people with PDA have what's known as a spiky profile, so they have real strengths in some areas and big challenges in others.

For example, a child could be really articulate but completely unable to answer a direct question. When [00:05:00] stressed the words. Just go. I mean, that's definitely one of my children.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And that masking can be exhausting. Surface behavior can make it look as though someone is coping, but that coping uses so much energy that it needs to break down later.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. I was recently actually in a meeting about one of my children and this came up and I was really surprised that. They obviously cover it so well that nobody sees those struggles. It's pretty much as we've just described, because they're articulate. No one's seeing like the intense emotions that are going on inside because they're managing that superficial social interaction.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So is it then like coming out?

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. What I then see is refusal. And just an inability to cope and exhaustion.

There are some approaches that are definitely going to be worse if a child has PDA.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So like strict routines, behavior charts.

Did you ever try those? Oh

Victoria Bennion: yes. Yeah. When they were tiny

Natalie Tealdi: woo. Reward charts and, uh, I [00:06:00] remember the naughty step as well. Did you ever

Victoria Bennion: do Oh my goodness.

Natalie Tealdi: Or the timeout step or whatever it was, but that never worked for us anyway.

And those things can increase anxiety and erode trust as well, which is a huge issue, isn't it?

And can make avoidance even worse.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It's not about being soft, but I think that's what can be perceived. You can be seen as being like a really soft parent, but it's actually about being strategic.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think it can be seen like you don't have boundaries with your kids. And I remember when we went to the early birds course, we were always told you can have boundaries, but with an elastic band around.

Victoria Bennion: I like that.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. So I often think about that what's really important to focus on and what isn't so important weigh up?

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, because if demands are escalating anxiety, forcing a child to comply, it can just harm their wellbeing and safety over time.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, and I find it goes in waves as well.

It is constantly assessing [00:07:00] where my child's at. Yeah. So is this a tricky week? You know, we're coming back at the moment. We're just coming back after the holidays. Usually there's a little bit of a settling down period back into routine, so I do tend to take demands away as much as possible and then build them up again once you've settled back into that routine.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that makes sense.

Natalie Tealdi: I also find that counting down does not work well with my son that stresses him.

Victoria Bennion: What do you mean? Like five warning for leaving somewhere or?

Natalie Tealdi: It's more like getting ready for bed. So, time to brush teeth. Five seconds to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

I can't do that. Oh

Victoria Bennion: no.

Natalie Tealdi: Absolutely not. But I can with my daughter. She loves it in a kind of a game.

Victoria Bennion: I suppose that's the thing. It's always gonna vary so much between children as well. What works and what doesn't. So you certainly have to try a few things, don't you?

Before you realize what's helpful and what's really not helpful?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely.

Victoria Bennion: I think it's that demand that you must do it now. I think if you can remove [00:08:00] that and there's not actually. Lots that has to be done. Now I find that if you insist on that now, like you were saying, everything has to be done right to this timeline.

You what actually can happen is you get a big explosion or shut down and the thing that you were trying to get done then can't get be done. So if that's getting out of the house to go to school or what, whatever it is, but if you handle it wrong and with the come on, because sometimes we are worried we've got places to go.

You know, you might be dropping your child to school, then you might be going to work and you might be, and you are feeling that. But if you push that, in my experience, what we find works is just to accept that you're gonna be late sometimes and give them that extra space that they need.

Natalie Tealdi: I find it's like I'm living in two different worlds. It's like there's my internal world that's going, oh my God, we're supposed to have left five minutes ago. We're gonna be late and I've got this after this. And I've dropped him up and oh my God. And then, [00:09:00] but on the outside I'm like.

Okay. Take some breaths and then Yeah, that's fine. Let's go and get ready now. It's not a problem. Not a problem. You don't like your shoes today? No problem. Wear some wellies. You are trying to keep her all really calm.

Yes. Then you wonder why you're exhausted later.

Victoria Bennion: That's it. It does take a lot out of you, doesn't it? I think because you need to make sure that you're responding with compassion and curiosity and co-regulation rather than. Control.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And, and that we are on their side. It's okay. Yeah. We've got this. You can do this,

Victoria Bennion: it's

Natalie Tealdi: fine.

Yeah,

Victoria Bennion: definitely.

Natalie Tealdi: Rather than, you must do this because I'm your mother and I tell, you,

Victoria Bennion: You've taken me back to when we went away and we were going through the airport, you know, trying to get to security and. , There was just that pressure and it's difficult when you've got to get somewhere, but actually it's better just to slow down and validate feelings.

I mean, they put us on the [00:10:00] plane first. That shows you how well that part went.

Natalie Tealdi: So different ways of phrasing things that we found helpful are in instead saying, put your coat on now. Would you like to try the red coat or the blue coat today?

Victoria Bennion: Okay. I couldn't give that choice. 'cause then that's a choice, but,

Natalie Tealdi: oh.

Victoria Bennion: You might have to adapt it, see what works for your child.

Natalie Tealdi: Okay. Or do you want to put your coat on before we go, or do you want to take it in the car?

Victoria Bennion: Yes, that one would work.

Natalie Tealdi: Or for a task, you could say something like, I'm going to do the first bit and you could do the second bit.

Victoria Bennion: Do you

Natalie Tealdi: want me to start?

Victoria Bennion: I find that's really good with getting dressed.

Natalie Tealdi: Yes. So this is chaining, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion: Yes. So I might start by , helping put the t-shirt on, and then.

letting my child take over and do the other bits. But you work it backwards, you just add a bit further back each time. Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: So we wanted to talk a little bit about the human rights angle part of this. The PDA society frames this as a human rights issue, focusing [00:11:00] on dignity, freedom, and choice, not simply compliance.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's right. The UN Convention on the Rights of a Child and General Human Rights Principles support listening to children and offering choice where possible, and that perspective helps justify gentler, respectful strategies even when they feel counterintuitive.

Natalie Tealdi: School settings often struggle with PDA because surface compliance can hide deep need, and this is where good assessment in clear educational planning matter.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I totally experienced this. They look fine when they're with us.

Natalie Tealdi: Or they're just labeled as the naughty kid.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. I suppose it depends, going back to the framework of. The fight. Flight

Natalie Tealdi: fawn. And freeze

Victoria Bennion: Which one your child exhibits.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And I suppose that also comes with understanding and diagnosis. That's where diagnosis be really helpful.

Victoria Bennion: So where can you go to get help?

Natalie Tealdi: The PDA Society has resources and a trained team with lived experience who can point you to UK [00:12:00] based resources and local support.

Victoria Bennion: Professional assessment in tailored support can make a big difference. And lived experience groups also have practical strategies that aren't in clinical guidance.

We will put links to these in the show notes.

Natalie Tealdi: So just to recap then, PDA is an autism profile where demands trigger anxiety and a need for control responses commonly look like fight, flight, freeze, or fall, and can combine with a spiky profile and masking.

Victoria Bennion: Shift the mindset. Focus on understanding co-regulation and controlled choice. Move away from the punitive systems that increase anxiety. Just think rights, dignity, and safety.

Natalie Tealdi: If this episode helped you, please do share it and check the show notes for PDA Society Links. If you'd like to send us your PDA questions and any real life scenarios, we'll use them in future episodes.

Encore: Challenging Behaviours, A Late Autism Diagnosis and Motherness with Julie Green

Tue, 14 Apr 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this 'in case you missed it' episode Victoria and Natalie chat with Julie Green, author of Motherness, to explore the realities of parenting through autism both as a mum to an autistic son and as a woman who discovered her own autism later in life.

Biography

Julie M. Green is a Canadian writer whose work has been featured in the Washington Post, HuffPost, The Globe and Mail, Today’s Parent, and Chatelaine. She has appeared on CTV, BBC Radio, SiriusXM, and CBC Radio. She writes The Autistic Mom on Substack. For more information, visit JulieMGreen.ca.

Key Takeaways

Autism in girls and women can look very different from the traditional stereotypes. Julie explains that while boys can be identified through visible traits like lining up toys or having clear special interests, girls may channel their autistic traits into more socially acceptable interests
Many girls mask their differences by copying peers
The importance of seeing challenging behaviour as communication, not defiance.
How self-compassion and reframing past experiences can heal years of misunderstanding and self-blame
The need for schools and systems to replace punishment with understanding and co-regulation.

Mentioned in This Episode

Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance

The Autistic Mom Substack

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible by Ross W Green

National Autistic Society

Connect with Julie Green

Website: juliemgreen.ca

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliem.green

Substack: https://theautisticmom.substack.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-m-green-34bb1845/

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Travelling with Autistic Children

Tue, 07 Apr 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about travelling with autistic children. Whether it's a one night stay, a weekend with grandparents, or a long holiday.

Trips that other families might find routine can involve a huge amount of planning, uncertainty, and sensory challenges - different beds and pillows, unfamiliar food, noisy or crowded spaces, and even hidden safety hazards in accommodation.

We're sharing our experiences - what helped, what didn't, and our suggestions of what might help you too.

Key Takeaways

Small preparations can help. Consider doing short practice stays before a long trip and build up time away gradually if that feels manageable for your family.
Bring familiar comforts: favourite pillows, blankets, trusted foods, and familiar toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo) can reduce sensory upset and make sleep and routines easier.
Pack a comfort/essentials bag: include fidget toys, calming smells, noise-reducing items, a spare set of safe foods, charging cables and any sensory supports you rely on.
Make plans but stay flexible: a loose “what if” plan for meltdowns, exits or separation can help you respond quickly, but be ready to adjust if things change.
Think about personal space: shared rooms or cabins can reduce opportunities to retreat. Consider quieter accommodation options, balconies or separate rooms where possible.
Check provider policies in advance. Ask hotels, cruise lines or attractions about quieter rooms, room layouts, food policies and any autism-friendly services they offer.
Use airport and venue support. Request assistance like fast-track check-in, quiet lounges or sensory rooms where available to reduce waiting and crowd stress.
Balance siblings’ needs. Plan some separate activities or downtime so children with different needs can recharge without upsetting each other.
Learn from each trip. Make brief notes about what worked and what didn’t so your next trip can be easier to plan.
Be kind to yourselves! Not every holiday will go perfectly. Celebrate small wins and prioritise calm and safety over trying to “do it all.”

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Autistic Burnout in Children

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re talking about autistic burnout.

We share our personal experiences of supporting our children through burnout, from shutdowns and sensory overwhelm to emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. We also open up about how life events (including unexpected changes and disruptions to routine) can tip the balance and lead to burnout.

We explore what autistic burnout can look like in children, what can cause it, and most importantly what can help.

Key Takeaways

How autistic burnout can present
Increased meltdowns, shutdowns, or physical complaints can be signs your child is overwhelmed and exhausted
Sensory sensitivities can intensify during burnout, making everyday things feel unbearable
Changes to routine, environment, or support systems can trigger or worsen burnout
Balancing energy-draining and energy-giving activities can support recovery
Gentle, low-pressure outings (like time in nature) can help rebuild energy over time
Reducing demands and allowing flexibility can support your child’s nervous system
Burnout is usually temporary, and with the right support, children can recover and feel like themselves again

Mentioned in This Episode

Understanding Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Toothbrushing Tips for Autistic Children

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re tackling a small daily chore that can become a huge battleground — teeth, toothpaste and trips to the dentist.

Using our own stories, we explore why toothbrushing can be so difficult for autistic children: the sensory overload, the disruption of routine, strong reactions to flavors and textures, and how a wobbly tooth or a filling can turn a familiar ritual upside down.

Key Takeaways

Sensory and routine issues can be at the root of toothbrushing struggles — a wobbly tooth, change in texture, or a disrupted order of brushing can cause significant anxiety.
We've found it helpful to experiment with alternative toothbrushes (U‑shaped, three‑sided, or electric brushes) and different toothpaste flavours.
Small, staged steps and backward chaining (parent starts, child finishes) can rebuild confidence when a routine is interrupted; it may be necessary to take steps back to move forwards.

Dental professionals who slow down, explain steps, and ask permission can make appointments far less traumatic — specialist services or hospital dentists may be necessary and very helpful.

Mentioned in This Episode

Dr Barman Toothbrushes

U-Shaped Toothbrushes

Hi-Smile Toothpastes

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Why Friendships Change When You’re Raising an Autistic Child

Tue, 17 Mar 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria and Natalie talk about how relationships can shift when your family begins navigating autism, even before a diagnosis is confirmed. As priorities change and the reality of advocating for your child sets in, friendships can evolve, strengthen, or sometimes drift apart.

Key Takeaways

Raising an autistic child can reshape your priorities and change the person you become.
How advocacy for your child can challenge social expectations and sometimes make others uncomfortable.
Friendships may evolve as your life begins to revolve around meeting your child’s needs.
Connecting with other parents of neurodivergent children can create powerful understanding and support.
Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive people can make the journey feel less isolating.

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In today's episode, we're talking about something that doesn't always get discussed openly, but that many parents on the autism journey experience, and that's how friendships can change. When you're raising an autistic child or autistic children, your life can begin to look very different from the one that you imagined or the one that you used to have. Your priorities shift, your time becomes limited, and you often find yourself advocating for your child in ways you never expected.

All of that can have an impact on the relationships around you. Some friendships grow stronger, some drift apart, and sometimes you find new connections with people who truly understand your journey.

In this episode, we are reflecting honestly on our own experiences, the changes we've noticed in ourselves, the challenges that can arise with longstanding friendships and the new supportive communities we've discovered along the way

. if you've ever felt like your world and your relationships have changed we hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.

It's [00:01:00] interesting, something I've noticed how friendships shift when I was going to say after the diagnosis of autism, but in my life I can go back to the playground when my son was at first school and he was really struggling to go in in the mornings and me being in the playground outside late trying to persuade him to go in and realizing that I wasn't alone and that there were other parents in the same position and it was really lovely from that point of view.

As I know we've talked on the podcast before about how you make new relationships, make new friends, but I think it's also important to talk about what happens with existing friendships and situations. It's something that I've been thinking about quite a lot recently. I think that it's a common struggle because your life goes in a very different direction and

certainly I find my priorities changed and I wouldn't have had the understanding that I do [00:02:00] now, and it could just cause me to reflect really.

Our journey has now been about three years. In that three years, I would say that I'm quite a different person. Than who I was before.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. I think it makes you a lot more resilient. I certainly fight harder. I used to find it hard to speak up in meetings and things like that, but when you're put in the position of you need to get your child the support they need, then you're gonna do whatever it takes.

And you're armed with more knowledge. So I didn't know anything about autism before. This was even raised as a possibility. So, you know, you go on this journey, don't you, of gaining all this knowledge, speaking to other people that are going through this similar things and your life kind of becomes consumed by it for a time.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's really true. And there's a point, and I remember the point. I was driving in the car back from school and I was at this crossroads mentally, with what direction did I [00:03:00] go in and I really didn't feel like I wanted to fight. I really didn't feel like I had the strength to fight the local authority.

And parts of me was thinking, I, may just deregister him, I'm just gonna deregister him, keep him at home. At that point, we didn't have a diagnosis, but autism had been mentioned. But I didn't feel like it was, the right thing to do for this child.

What he needed was actually the appropriate support, the appropriate setting. Before I knew it, I had fallen into the fight, the EHCP journey, the pathway for diagnosis, the fighting for, at that time, a reduced timetable, all the things that go with it. And I feel like for me, over that time, I, like you say, I've, certainly changed

I'm a much more compassionate person. Because like you said, you learn these things. You go on the courses, like the Early Birds course, you read the books you [00:04:00] gain this. Understanding , you can't then not be changed by that and by the experiences of your child.

Natalie Tealdi: I think also, like if you see parents with children who seem to be behaving badly you see it in a different way when you understand that there could be something else going on there.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. , What did dad say? We were zealots.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: When we were joining in the protest so I guess something in us has changed in that fighting for what our children need, and not just what our children need, but what all children need and all children deserve. And then I became really grateful when I went to the support groups and parents further along in the journey, took the time to support me, to advise me on the next steps when there was no map and they were my map suggesting what to do next, and I just felt that it was really important to then give back to parents not as far in the journey as we were, who were [00:05:00] at that point where they're navigating it. And I hadn't reflected on how that might be for people who've known you a long time.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: I'd seen it certainly from the point of view of we would be invited to parties and then we'd go, and then my child. wouldn't join in and when, really, really struggling, couldn't even enter the room. And then you are that parent and not everybody knows how to respond to you or might not have the sympathy as to why you are late.

Don't see all the steps that needed to be taken before you could even get that child out the door in the first place. . And as another parent, said to me at a party once, , I don't know why you bring your child to the parties, they obviously don't want to be here.

I also had that about school. It was, meant well from the member of staff at school, but she said. They really don't want to be here, do they? And I remember saying at the time, it's not that straightforward. [00:06:00] They do, but then they can't cope. And then that not being able to cope causes their self-loathing, the disappointment, the frustration that push and pull between want and can't.

Natalie Tealdi: And it's the comparison with the other children who they can see that are coping and then thinking, well, why? Why are they coping? I can't. And then that makes them feel worse, doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: And I do think that's where a diagnosis can come in. Going off on a bit of a tangent here, because for one of my children, I know that was so important because. They wondered why they couldn't cope when their peers could cope, and the diagnosis helped explain that, and it took away that constant questioning.

Parents also can take really different routes with their children. And when you decide to say, no, I'm not gonna send. My child in, what I've noticed is that's really uncomfortable for people as well who don't take that view.

And I, I feel that that has caused some difficult [00:07:00] conversations because not only are you doing this for your child, but you're saying. I not going to school as an option.

Natalie Tealdi: Exactly. You're challenging the, the norms, aren't you? Society,

Victoria Bennion: Totally. You're challenging the norms. And whilst I only ever thought about how that was affecting us and was very focused on what I was trying to achieve to get my child's needs met so they weren't damaged. You don't realize that actually you can be really getting other people's backs up with showing their children. School's optional and they're saying to their parents, oh, so and so doesn't go. Or, I think even worse with, we've been really, really lucky to get these specialist places at schools for our children, and I realize now reflecting, I've been very open about discussing these schools and what options my children are going to have.

For example, GCSEs can be taken, but they don't have to be taken on a certain date. That timeline is flexible and I remember just telling a friend [00:08:00] this and.

She was feeling it was very unfair for her child who was in a mainstream school, and that hadn't crossed my mind I was just so thrilled to have this and to be able to get my child back into education. But not everyone is gonna be happy for you.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. It's that other side of the coin, isn't it?

I suppose that you don't really Consider,

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It was that experience that actually caused me to reflect a little bit on the journey and think about it from my friend's point of view , I'm probably not the person that I used to be.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think with our friendship group many of them don't have children actually, so it kind of uncomplicates things a bit.

But they are very understanding, so they know we mostly need to meet outside if we're gonna meet up, because that's how the children cope best. And we are probably gonna be late. They might get a text in the morning saying, I'm so sorry, we're gonna be half an hour late. And then be [00:09:00] sad that they're always really accommodating.

Victoria Bennion: It can be when it's people that you've known for a long time, it can be really hard for them to process

It is how you manage those friendships, isn't it? Going forward, do you decide that it would be better off to not see these people? Yeah. Or. Do you just have to be careful about what you talk about and maybe not be so open. I was listening to a podcast the other day, Denise Duffield Thomas, a business podcast actually, and she was talking about at Christmas when you mixing with family relatives.

This just goes for any situation when awkward conversations can come up, something that you don't want to talk about. And you might have a relative who's really prying and like, oh, how's everything going with your business? Or how's that relationship? That boyfriend, oh, did you split up? Why did you split up?

You know, things that you don't wanna. Answer things that are personal and she has the line. Great, thank you. Would you like some bean dip and just about deflecting? I I dunno what bean dip [00:10:00] is, but I like the concept of it and I feel like, uh, that's definitely something going forward that I'm going to be more aware of who I talk to about what, people are gonna have different viewpoints and it's if you want to still mix with those people, still see those people. It's perhaps, I'm not gonna share everything.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: But also I feel like I've made so many new friends as well who are parents of neurodivergent children who really do understand, and it makes you value the time that you have with these people and the lack of judgment. And I feel like my circle has increased so much with these lovely understanding people and.

So that's been a real benefit as well.

Natalie Tealdi: , It's quite a life change as well. Certainly from my point of view, I've had to redesign my working life since my son struggled so much. I gave up [00:11:00] my job and I, I've started working from home and flexibly and everything revolves around him.

And what he needs. And I think that can have an impact on friendships and the way people see you as well.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah,

Natalie Tealdi: It's a bit of a loss of identity and then sort of slowly building a new one, I think.

In the early days when people didn't really understand, I think we were seen as like, we weren't being disciplined enough or laying the law, you know, giving enough boundaries.

Victoria Bennion: You probably do have to question if there's a lot of judgment that is chipping away at the connection, how valuable is this friendship? How is this a good friendship for you? So I think that is something that you need to bear in mind.

Natalie Tealdi: I think it's something that I'm quite wary of anyways, surrounding myself with quite positive and uplifting people because this is quite a journey that we're on.

Victoria Bennion: No. Our lives are challenging enough and we have to give a lot of support on a daily basis. And as you said, the children are the priority and what [00:12:00] they need and fitting things around that, so you just actually end up not having space for the people that don't get it or are more inclined to be judgy.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: If this conversation resonated with you, please remember that you are not alone. Many parents find that their friendships and social circles change as they navigate this journey, and while that can sometimes feel difficult, it can also lead to deeper more understanding connections.

Take care of yourselves and remember, you're doing an incredible job.

Why Understanding Neurodivergence Changes Everything with Paul Mosson

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Paul Mosson, CEO of the Cost Lawyer Standards Board (CLSB) to the show. Paul identifies as a gay man with ADHD and advocates for inclusive and safe environments where individuals can turn up as their true selves confidently and without fear.

Biography

Paul (he/him/his) is CEO of the Costs Lawyer Standards Board (CLSB), the organisation responsible for regulating Costs Lawyers in England and Wales. The CLSB plays a vital role in upholding public confidence in the legal system by setting and enforcing the standards of professional conduct for Costs Lawyers. Paul is accountable for the full breadth of the CLSB’s regulatory and operational functions, reporting directly to the Board.

Paul is also a coach specialising in working with neurodivergent clients. He is a passionate advocate for equality, diversity and inclusion, which can be seen through his work as a trustee for Disabling Barriers Scotland.

Before joining the CLSB, Paul held positions as directors with both the Bar Council of England and Wales and the Law Society of Scotland, as well as being the architect behind innovative approaches to wellbeing and legal tech adoption across the legal sector.

Paul identifies as a gay man with ADHD and advocates for inclusive and safe environments where individuals can turn up as their true selves confidently and without fear.

Key Takeaways

Understanding neurodivergence later in life can bring clarity to years of feeling different or misunderstood.
Long-term masking and trying to fit into neurotypical environments can lead to burnout, anxiety, and mental health struggles.
Receiving a diagnosis as an adult often brings validation and a new perspective on past experiences.
Working with the natural strengths of a neurodivergent brain can unlock confidence, creativity, and new opportunities.
Supportive workplaces and environments make a powerful difference in helping neurodivergent individuals thrive.
Finding a community that understands neurodivergence can replace years of isolation with connection and belonging.

Mentioned in This Episode

ADHD an A-Z by Leanne Maskell

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

The Pomodoro Technique

Connect with Paul Mosson

Website: https://pmexec.co.uk/

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Exploring Sleep Struggles for Autistic Children

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 01:00:00 +0100

We wanted to return to the subject of sleep struggles as this is something that touches many of us.

We’re joined by the fabulous Maria Moreno, a paediatric sleep consultant and motherhood life coach. With her wealth of experience, Maria shares insights on the unique sleep struggles faced by autistic children and offers practical advice for parents navigating these challenges. From personalised sleep plans to sensory considerations, this conversation is packed with valuable information to help families find their way to more restful nights.

Biography

Maria Moreno is a certified paediatric sleep consultant—with a specialization in neurodivergent sleep—and a motherhood life coach dedicated to supporting moms through the emotional challenges of motherhood. She holds a master’s degree in art education and has spent over 15 years working with neurodivergent children, bringing a deep understanding and empathy to the families she serves. After navigating postpartum depression and severe sleep deprivation, she founded Mindful Mother to help families restore rest and balance. She’s also the co-founder of Tumago, a handmade comfort blanket brand designed with sensory-sensitive and neurodivergent children in mind. Maria blends lived experience, professional training, and compassionate coaching to empower overwhelmed moms with practical, personalized tools that bring calm, connection, and confidence to their motherhood journey.

Key Takeaways

Understanding Individual Needs: Every child is different, and sleep plans should be tailored to their unique personalities and family dynamics.

Importance of Routines: Consistent bedtime routines can help children understand what to expect and ease the transition to sleep.

Visual Supports: Utilising visuals, like personalised bedtime books, can aid in preparing children for sleep changes.

Sensory Considerations: Addressing sensory sensitivities with appropriate comfort items can significantly improve sleep quality.

Environmental Factors: Creating a calming sleep environment, including blackout curtains and white noise machines, can help minimise disruptions.

Connect with Maria Moreno

Email - mindfulmotherllc@gmail.com

Website - www.mindfulmother.biz

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mindfulmother_sleep/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mindfulmother1

Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/MindfulMother_LifeCoach

LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/mindfulmother

Maria's Gentle Sleep Starter Guide for Kids with Autism

https://www.mindfulmother.biz/autismsleep

This guide is designed to help parents gently create better sleep routines for their neurodivergent children, without cry-it-out methods or rigid schedules. It’s full of simple, parent-friendly tools that truly make a difference.

In addition to this free guide, Maria is kindly offering 20% off Tumago handmade comfort blankets with code AUTISMMOM These sensory-sensitive blankets were inspired by Maria's own daughters and lovingly handmade by her family.

https://tumago.etsy.com

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: It Shouldn’t Be This Hard: Advocating Through the System

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s re-released episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about something that so many families raising autistic children will recognise - the exhausting and often disheartening process of dealing with the local authority.

This episode is an honest look at how hard it can be to get what your child needs and how important it is to stay organised, persistent and strong.

Key Takeaways

Keeping on top of it all: Parents and carers are often left chasing reports, updates, and decisions just to keep things moving.

You Can’t Assume Progress is Happening (unfortunately): If you're not following up, you're at risk of falling off the radar.

Options for Your Child: Parents are frequently kept in the dark about available options regarding alternative provision and specialist schools

Travel Expectations Can Be Unrealistic: Specialist schools may be far from home, making logistics overwhelming.

Change is Needed: Better communication, transparency and supportive systems would ease the burden on both families and staff.

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Breaking Down Barriers to Education for Neurodivergent Children

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 01:00:00 +0100

We're returning to the archives for this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast. We're talking about some of the real challenges families face with the current education system, especially when it comes to supporting autistic children.

Key Takeaways

Outdated Education System: The current education system is often rigid and not designed to accommodate the diverse needs of neurodivergent children.

Importance of Flexibility: There's a need for more flexible learning environments that allow for play and creativity, especially for younger children.

Struggles with Inclusion: Being in school is different from being included in school; many children face challenges that are not adequately addressed.

Identifying Needs Early: Early identification of challenges, such as speech or coordination issues, is crucial, but support often falls short.

Training for Educators: There is a significant need for enhanced training for teachers on special educational needs to better support neurodivergent students.

Impact of Environment: The classroom environment, including displays and changes, can greatly affect a child’s ability to learn and cope.

Communication Gaps: There are often communication breakdowns between schools, parents, and local authorities, leading to misunderstandings and lack of support.

Mental Health Considerations: The mental health of both children and parents is deeply affected by the educational experience and the pressure to conform.

Advocacy and Trusting Instincts: Parents should trust their instincts regarding their child's needs and advocate strongly for appropriate support.

Systemic Challenges: Financial motivations can influence decisions made about educational support, complicating the advocacy process for parents.

Mentioned in This Episode

The quote Victoria mentioned seeing on social media is: When a child at school is anxious about going home, concerns would be raised. But when a child is anxious about going to school, we as parents are expected to encourage them to go no matter what. Think about that for a second. - seen on CureJoy Kids on Facebook.

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Caring for Yourself When Your Child Is Having a Tough Day

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to our earlier episode where we talk about ways to look after yourself when your child is having a tough day.

Key Takeaways

How supporting our children with their emotions can leave us feeling completely drained.

Common mistakes we’ve made when trying to "push through" a tough day.

Simple ways we try to carve out moments of calm: meditation, breathing space, and gentle resets.

How creating a comforting environment - with blankets, candles, soft music - can make a difference.

Allowing yourself to cancel non-essential tasks or meetings when you need breathing space.

The power of talking it out with someone who truly understands.

Finding and building a supportive community around you.

The importance of zoning out, resting, and knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

Mentioned in This Episode

Gabby Bernstein’s Meditation App

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Practical Ways to Help Your Autistic Child with Daily Life

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 01:00:00 +0100

We're re-releasing another episode from the archives this week where we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.

We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.

These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.

Key Takeaways

Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.

Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.

Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.

Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.

Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.

Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.

Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.

Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.

Mentioned in This Episode

Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:

Visual timers
Laminated visual timetables
Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
Ear defenders
Bach's Rescue Remedy
Orange Essential Oil
Tiger balm
The Early Birds course by the National Autistic Society
Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: What is PDA?

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 01:00:00 +0100

Another episode from the archives this week. We're returning to our episode where we dive into the unique challenges of raising a child with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile. We're sharing our personal stories, strategies, and reflections to help parents and caregivers better understand and support their children navigating PDA-related behaviours.

Key Takeaways

PDA is driven by anxiety and a need for control; traditional demands can trigger refusal.
Offering controlled choices helps reduce pressure and gives children a sense of agency.
Visual schedules and plenty of preparation help ease transitions and reduce stress.
Managing your own calm and letting go of nonessential demands are important for low-demand parenting.
It’s okay to adjust family routines to what works for your child, even if it looks different from your original parenting ideals.
Misunderstandings from others can be painful but focusing on your child’s needs is what matters most.

Mentioned in This Episode

PDA Society

Dr. Naomi Fisher webinars and resources

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Getting an EHCP

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 01:00:00 +0100

We're returning to the archives again this week to our episode all about EHCP's. We’re talking about the journey to getting an EHCP - what it is, why it matters, and what the process looked like for our families.

We’ll share the lessons we learned along the way with the hope that it helps you navigate the process and feel a little more prepared.

Key Takeaways

An EHCP can provide vital, legally binding support

You don't need a formal diagnosis to apply for an EHCP

Schools may not always initiate an EHCP request. If they don't parents can.

Timelines and deadlines are crucial - keep a track of key dates.

Support groups, SENDIASS and organisations like IPSEA can provide guidance and practical help.

The right provision can make a huge difference to your child's wellbeing.

Mentioned in This Episode

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Services)

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — ipsea.org.uk

EarlyBird course (National Autistic Society support programme for parents)

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Victoria's Son's Autism Diagnosis Journey

Tue, 13 Jan 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria reveals the emotional journey of her son’s autism diagnosis. She reflects on the early signs that were often misunderstood and the battles faced in educational settings, culminating in the significant moment of receiving an official diagnosis. As one of our most popular episodes, we wanted to share this again as there are so many on this path to diagnosis.

Key Takeaways

Autism signs can often be masked or misunderstood, especially in young children.

Building a support network of other parents is crucial.

Professionals may miss signs too, trusting your instincts matters.

The diagnosis process can feel long and isolating, but community support makes a difference.

Receiving a diagnosis is often a moment of both relief and grief and that's OK.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Early Birds Course (National Autistic Society)

ASDivas and Dudes Support Group

The Girl with the Curly Hair by Alis Rowe

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood

TADDS Outreach Team

Total Children's Therapy

ADOS-2 Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule

CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Encore: Natalie's Son's Autism Diagnosis Journey

Tue, 06 Jan 2026 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we are revisiting our look into the journey toward an autism diagnosis. Natalie opens up about her experiences with her son, reflecting on the subtle early signs and the drawn-out process of seeking support.

Key Takeaways

Early signs aren't always obvious: It's common to realize things only in hindsight.

Not all settings impact children the same way: Different environments can highlight or mask challenges.

The path to diagnosis is often long: Waiting times can be frustrating, but support exists even before official diagnoses.

Grief is a natural part of acceptance: It's okay to mourn the loss of expectations while embracing a new, beautiful reality.

Practical support makes a difference: Courses like EarlyBirds offer real-world tools tailored for neurodivergent children.

Mentioned in This Episode

EarlyBirds Programme by the National Autistic Society

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Facebook - @theautismmums

Encore: Helping Your Autistic Child with Anxiety

Tue, 30 Dec 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, join us as we navigate the complex landscape of anxiety in autistic children. We share our personal insights and experiences, exploring the diverse ways anxiety can manifest, including meltdowns, shutdowns, and sensory overloads.

Whether you're early on in your autism journey or navigating school-age challenges, this episode offers reassurance, relatable stories, and real-world strategies that can make a difference.

Key Takeaways

Anxiety presents differently in autistic children: It might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, repetitive questions, anger, or even physical symptoms like tummy aches.

Avoidance can be common: Children may retreat to their rooms or refuse to go places when overwhelmed.

Sensory overload can be a major trigger: Noisy environments, bright lights, and even scratchy clothing can heighten anxiety.

Routine changes, even positive ones, can be stressful: Children may want changes, but still struggle when they occur.

Social unpredictability can add pressure: Not knowing who will be present or what will happen in social settings can create discomfort.

Masking and perfectionism can lead to burnout and chronic anxiety.

Support strategies matter: Ear defenders, visual timetables, sensory tools, role play, and validating feelings can help.

Validation and patience are key: Simply saying 'I hear you' can help children feel safe and understood.

Mentioned in This Episode

Mindfulness sessions – Supportive techniques that help children become aware of how anxiety feels in their bodies.

https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-for-kids/

Visual timetables and planners – Visual supports that help prepare autistic children for transitions and daily routines.

Example resources: Twinkl Visual Timetables

Noise-cancelling headphones and sunglasses

Edz Kidz Ear Defenders

Breathing exercises for children

https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids

BBC Documentary – Inside Our Autistic Minds by Chris Packham

Watch here: BBC iPlayer – Inside Our Autistic Minds

Harry Potter Studio Tour (UK)

Mentioned as an example of a venue with quiet spaces and autism-friendly accommodations.

Accessibility info https://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk/additional-needs/

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Autism and Challenging Behaviour with Carl Draper (Part 2)

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part two of our conversation.

In the first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.

In this second part, Carl reflects on the challenges we can’t always predict or prevent, the importance of support systems and environment, and what helps parents regulate their own emotions when things feel overwhelming.

Biography

Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.

Key Takeaways

Not everything can be planned for, and learning to cope with the unexpected is an essential life skill
Avoiding triggers completely can increase anxiety over time rather than reduce it
The right support system — at home, at school, or beyond — can be life-changing for families
Routine provides security but can also create vulnerability during periods of change
Parents need their own ways to regulate stress and should seek support without guilt

Connect with Carl Draper

Follow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page

Follow Carl on Instagram

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome back. This is part two

of our conversation with Carl Draper. Carl is currently training to be a mental

health nurse and he's the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant

photos and documents life with his son Bodhi.

Victoria Bennion:

Frank Bodi's Assistance Dog is also a regular on Wave slider. If you haven't

listened to part one yet, we'd really recommend going back first because Carl

shares some powerful context about what challenging behavior can look like and

how much can change when we start meeting a child's stress response with calm.

Victoria Bennion: In

today's episode, we pick up the conversation by talking about the things we

can't always predict or control. Those sudden changes, those moments where a

plan falls apart and the ways that it can trigger big feelings for our children

and for us too. So let's jump back in.

Victoria Bennion: Are

there any steps that you can take, do you think, to prevent the behaviors

before they escalate, [00:01:00] before they

reach that peak?

Carl Draper: That's

really hard question. Because a lot of the times where we're getting to the

stage with the things we're speaking about now. What you are now asking is what

do we do about the things we can't control?

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: What you

can't see coming? For example, there's a plane coming at three 30 this

afternoon.

Carl Draper: Fine,

we'll go after school, mate, pick you up. You get down to the airport at three

15 and the fog rolls in

Victoria Bennion: Oh,

that's so true.

Carl Draper: and now

the plane's diverted and he can see it on the tracker going the opposite

direction.

Carl Draper: Are

things out of your control. So a good one I've had a, a lot of stick on wave

slider recently because we've had the fireworks, you know, the bonfire period,

bonfire night, where a lot of animals get distressed.

Carl Draper: A lot of

people get distressed, which I'm very well aware of. However, Frank is trained,

calm, uncomfortable to go and watch the fireworks because he's, he goes where [00:02:00] Bodhi goes. So we went to see a fireworks

display. He had a great time. We went to Ringwood one weekend and the following

weekend we went to Little down

Carl Draper: and I

wasn't gonna take Frank because it's really busy there, and Bodhi wants to go

on the rides. With your autistic people, you tend to get two types of autistic

people, even though. All autistic people have different traits and severities

and you know, varying degrees of, you tend to get a sensitive.

Carl Draper: Autistic

type want quietness, you know, earphones, that sort of thing. And then you get

your sensory seeker, that's Bodhi. I want it loud, I want fast, I want more, I

want adrenaline. So he wants to go on the rides. So I said, well, we won't take

Frank, and then we can go on the rides. And then I spoke to my youngest

daughter, ki.

Carl Draper: Who's

also got an autistic son and she said, oh, we're gonna go to little Dan. Are

you taking Frank? And I explained why. And she said, well, [00:03:00] how about Zach? My fella goes on the rides

with Bodhi. You hold Frank so Zach Kiers fellow, he'd more than happy to go on

the rides. So we thought, yeah, brilliant. So I took, Frank, took Bodhi, we

went down there, it was absolutely jam packed, shoulder to shoulder with

people. We went an hour early because Bodhi was impatient, and I thought, fine.

Carl Draper: We

walked around, he made a list of all the rides he wanted to go on, which was

basically all of them. um, unfortunately, Kiir and Zach got into the queue and

they sold out tickets.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

Natalie Tealdi: no.

Carl Draper: Couldn't

get in. Not her fault You know, Just, it just happened to be that busy that

time. Her bless the Keer phones and she's like, I'm really sorry dad.

Carl Draper: We're

almost at the front of the queue and they've just sold out a tickets and like

this just pit of despair starts to come into me. 'cause I'm like, I've now

gotta tell Bodhi it can't go any rides. And we're standing in front of them. So

I had half an hour of hell. I was literally pinned up against the wall and it

was bad for me because I had no [00:04:00]

escape route.

Carl Draper: you

know, I got there in the end, but yeah, it was really difficult. It's a good

opportunity to teach him how to have a strategy and cope with. These situations

that are out of our control.

Carl Draper: you

know, As bad as it was it it turned out really good.

Carl Draper: So you

can't plan for the unseen.

Victoria Bennion: no.

Victoria Bennion: I think that's true. As much as we can try and do everything that we think you're right. These things come up. We had, a day this week where it was raining. I

dunno if you had rain. You probably did. You're not

Victoria Bennion:

that far from

Carl Draper: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

Rain and rain and my son's timetable said outdoor learning on one of his slots

in his timetable that he refers to before he goes in

Victoria Bennion: so

he then didn't know what that session would be because it says outdoor

learning, but it can't be outdoor learning because it's rain and then it

spirals into, I can't possibly get outta the car. I can't do this day because

it's raining and it's, it's affected everything. And there's nothing you can do

about the rain, as you say.

Carl Draper: I'm

actually learning to not avoid it. 'cause actually you, I found a [00:05:00] little while ago, it's really unhealthy

because you find yourself trying to work out what can go wrong and then

avoiding it, and then it makes you more stressed.

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: Whereas

now I'm at the point of, well, we just deal with it if and when it happens

because he, he's gotta learn to become independent one day.

Carl Draper: And that

involves negotiating, you know, the letdowns in the, the changes in structure.

if, if we don't teach him how to cope with that, he's not gonna learn how to

cope with that. He is only gonna get worse, So

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

that's

Natalie Tealdi: a

really good

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, Yeah, you're right.

Natalie Tealdi: How

important is it to have a support system in place?

Carl Draper: Yeah,

it's everything, isn't it I mean, Charlie and I we're just the best team I

first met Charlie when I was on the ambulances at Paul, and she was a nurse at

a and e. We'd very often work together, when I'm bringing in really poorly or

injured people and children and babies, and we are working together in

resource, and [00:06:00] you've got that

teamwork, that communication, that structured approach.

Carl Draper: Then we

became parents to Bodhi then we've, you know, we've been through all this

learning process, but Charlie's. She's pretty much my support network, you

know? and then on, on top of that, in today's world, where we are now, Frank, a

lot of children. I'm not just saying autistic children or neurodivergent

children, I'm just saying a lot of children you know, having an animal in their

life.

Carl Draper: Frank's

a better parent than we are. He never gets tired of Bodhi. He never gets

grumpy. He never judges, he never tells him off, never shouts at him. He's

always got time for him. Always happy. And he is the most loyal, protective

person. Like I couldn't protect Bodhi as well as Frank can. Frank will deal

with anything far before I get to it, but then I understand some people are

allergic to dogs.

Carl Draper: Some

people can't afford a dog. Some people haven't got the [00:07:00]

space for a dog. Some people haven't got room for a dog in their sort of daily

lives, you know, support wise, on top of that, the school, Bodhi School, when

we have problems, we go to a school, they looked at it, they introduced

something into his timetable.

Carl Draper: To help

deal with And then we all sing off the same page if you like, and they start

implementing things and then we're all using the same language, doing the same

things. Like they can help prepare him for something weeks on the buildup to it

or if the school helped me learning to relearn my behaviors and parenting

styles.

Carl Draper: So

support network is everything, isn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

Carl Draper: Even

back when I was on the ambulances, you know, there's nothing worse than going

to see someone who's died and they're all alone. But when you go and see people

at the end of life and they've got a family and a support network around them,

you see the difference it makes.

Carl Draper: [00:08:00] And that's just in everyday life. We're a

good team and we got Frank and we've got the school and Bodhi School is the

best school out there without a doubt.

Victoria Bennion:

Sounds really

Victoria Bennion:

good.

Carl Draper: Yeah.

He's got amazing school. We went we went from two extremes. We went from when

he was non-verbal to being kicked out of that autistic school for climbing

offense and being accused of threatening to bite teachers, which was amazing.

Carl Draper: I'm

like, brilliant. Somebody's heard his voice. 'cause we haven't. You know, In

all that crap, fight in the system and local authorities and what have you to

being at the school we're at now where they're just everything you'd ever dream

of them being as a parent. They're supportive, they're helpful, bodie's

thriving.

Carl Draper: We're

thriving, we're learning.

Victoria Bennion:

That's great. How did you find the score? Was that one that was suggested to

you or were you aware of

Victoria Bennion: it?

Carl Draper: No. So

we, when he was kicked out of school, he was at home for, I don't remember

exactly, 14 months. And during that time, we were fighting the, his old school

and the local authority through the courts. [00:09:00]

And as part of the deal or the win, if you like, at the end, we got Bodhi into

this school.

Victoria Bennion:

Excellent.

Carl Draper: It came

as part of that and they've just been uh, amazing.

Carl Draper: Bo's

nothing but thrive since he's got there.

Victoria Bennion:

That's really good. It's so important to have them in the right place.

Carl Draper: At the

same time I'm saying this, I'm thinking about all those shoes left outside the

council offices and you know, how many parents and families out there might be

listening to me now you know, well that's not the case for us. And I'm well

aware of that. I'm well aware of the amount of children and families being left

behind on a daily basis because of the lack of funding and the system I just

wish every parent out there with a kid like Bode, if they're listening. I wish

you all had a school like Bodie's got, but you know, we had 14 months of hell

fighting the school and the local authority and it was a dirty fight. But

luckily we had a specialist send solicitor [00:10:00]

and we did a GoFundMe through Wave slider, so we had a lot of support.

Carl Draper: Without

that, we never would've been able to use that solicitor, which is another thing

that really annoys me on that subject is why parents of send can't get legal

aid.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Carl Draper: mean The

the SEND solicitor to the. We used, he's got a big presence online, on social

media, but the reality is to have him in your life, you need a lot of money.

you know, with, without that support, we'd have been left behind.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, there's a lot that needs changing about the system, isn't there? There

aren't enough schools. At all, either the right schools

Carl Draper: it was

very profound seeing those pictures of those

Carl Draper: shoes

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: I didn't

see any pictures of the local mps that support disabilities there though.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

Natalie Tealdi: Me

No, I knew.

Carl Draper: I knew

full well they wouldn't be there either. 'cause we went to our. Local MP who

apparently is passionate in disabilities

Carl Draper: and when

we went to this particular mp we got zero help.

Carl Draper: Zero.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:11:00] It can be patchy, can't it?

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I think it's So Depends who you've got.

Carl Draper: We went

to four mps in the local area and we got the same response from all of them.

I'm sorry, you don't live in our postcode, we can't help you.

Natalie Tealdi: Hmm.

Carl Draper: But this

goes all the way to the top, doesn't it? With funding. If the funding issue was

fixed, it would probably alleviate all the other problems that follow on

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: from

that.

Carl Draper: And if

funding wasn't an issue, we probably never would've gone through what we went

through in the first place.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Carl Draper: A lot,

you know, the bigger picture,

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, a hundred percent. So much comes down to money, doesn't it?

Carl Draper: doesn't

change the reality that so many kids and families are currently being failed

and left behind.

Victoria Bennion: I

think when you see those shoes and then you think that each pair represents a

child that is being failed, that's quite shocking and quite sad.

Carl Draper: It hit

me hard because of what we went through with Bodhi. And when I saw all those

shoes, I just thought, oh my God, all those people are going through the same

thing, but they're all in different [00:12:00]

circumstances. Some of them might be single parents.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Carl Draper: Yeah,

just, it's, it's heartbreaking. It should never happen.

Carl Draper: There's

no excuse for

Natalie Tealdi:...

Autism and Challenging Behaviour with Carl Draper (Part 1)

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part one of a two-part conversation.

His last episode, learning to hear a child who doesn't speak, sparked so many questions from listeners, that we invited Carl back to talk more about the topic of challenging behaviours and autism.

In this first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.

Biography

Key Takeaways

Emotional regulation in parents plays a crucial role in reducing escalation
Challenging behaviour is often a stress response linked to unmet needs
Changes in routine and adult stress can significantly impact a child’s ability to cope
A balance between boundaries and flexibility helps create emotional safety
Children learn regulation by observing the behaviour of those around them
Letting go of social judgement and outdated expectations allows families to parent with confidence

Connect with Carl Draper

Follow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page

Follow Carl on Instagram

Connect with The Autism Mums

https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Today we're joined once again by our

friend Carl Draper, who many of you will remember from episode nine. For those

who don't know Carl, he is currently training to be a mental health nurse and

is the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant photographs and

documents life with his son Bodhi.

Victoria Bennion:

Frank Bodie's Assistance Dog is also a regular on wave slider. Carl's last

appearance on the podcast really struck a chord, and after that episode went

live, he received an overwhelming number of messages from parents and carers

wanting to know more about how he supports his son through moments of distress.

Victoria Bennion: And

what's often labeled as challenging behavior. So today, Carl is back with us to

talk honestly and openly about exactly that we could talk to Carl for hours. So

we've split our conversation into two episodes. In this first part, Carl shares

his personal journey as a parent. How his understanding of [00:01:00] behavior has changed over time.

Victoria Bennion: The

powerful impact of learning to regulate his own emotions and what it really

looks like to meet chaos with calm, even in the most public and confronting

situations. This is a really raw, reflective, and incredibly insightful

conversation about unmet needs, stress responses, and the reality of parenting

autistic children in a world that doesn't always understand.

Natalie Tealdi:

Welcome to the podcast, Carl. It's great to have you back.

Carl Draper: Hi, how

are you?

Natalie Tealdi: Good.

Thank you. So can we start by explaining how you define challenging behavior in

the context of autism, and can you also give us some examples of what you've

encountered?

Carl Draper: Okay, so

I guess our definition of challenging behavior is. Changing at the moment in

terms or context of autism? I think the one thing to remember where the child

liked Bodhi is that he [00:02:00] is equally

profoundly autistic and a DHD. So you have that autism side where, he likes his

routine.

Carl Draper:

Everything has to be perfect. Everything's good. And then you've got the A DHD

side, which is a constant clash, which is like letting a hand grenade off in

the middle of everything. I quite often think of Bodhi as pizza. He's perfectly

round cut into perfect triangles and comes in a square box.

Natalie Tealdi: I

love that.

Carl Draper: He just

doesn't, it doesn't fit, but it's perfect, the challenging behavior, it all

comes with an unmet need and an inability to communicate his needs. So going

back to prior to when he was medicated for his A DHD, we had daily challenging

behavior where every evening at bedtime he would.

Carl Draper: Go from

settle to completely challenging, pinning you against the wall, pulling your

hair, grabbing your [00:03:00] face. And what I

realized is I think I was the biggest cause of this challenging behavior

because I come from a world where, I grew up in a pit village. Old social norms

in that world where, you know.

Carl Draper: A lot of

people would say, oh, slap never did me any harm. And the way that I was

brought up, I couldn't regulate my own emotions. So when he got challenging, if

that's the word, which is actually a stress response because of an unmet need,

I would then shout, get angry and become stressed, slam a door and display all

the wrong behaviors.

Carl Draper: And do

the wrong thing. And then after a while you realize that I'm teaching him how

to respond in these situations. So then he would slam a door shout and get

angry. And I had, it's not a light bulb moment, but there was certainly a

moment where I just thought, that's me. He's not listening to what I say, but

he's [00:04:00] mirroring what I do.

Carl Draper: We

realized that we needed to change our parenting behaviors and styles and get

some education. Yes, those differences with the autism and the A DHD, but a lot

of it was based on how we reacted to Bodhi. When he had an unmet need. So

number one, I had to learn to regulate my own emotions.

Carl Draper: Now,

learning to hear a child who doesn't speak is the easiest thing I've ever

learned to do, and he was totally silent until seven. Learning to regulate my

own emotions is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried to do, but we are

getting there and we are now seeing the results. So for every night, for nearly

a year.

Carl Draper: At

bedtime, I had to take Frank German shepherd. out the house and go and sit in

the car until Charlie settled him down to bed. And during that time, you're

learning to regulate your own emotions. You're learning new parenting styles,

new behaviors. You're changing the way [00:05:00]

you are. The way you see, the way you think.

Carl Draper: Learning

to put, his needs first. But you do still get other challenging behaviors or a

stress response, which can cause embarrassment. So for example, he might do

that in a shop. You know, some people call it a meltdown and a lot of times I

used to get embarrassed 'cause I was aware that people were watching.

Carl Draper: During

the summertime we went to a superstore Very hot day. So we didn't take Frank,

it was too hot to take. Frank. We went to this superstore and going to a shop

with Bodhi is very difficult. I dunno if you've ever seen supermarket sweep,

Carl Draper: He wants

everything at everything times 10. So he went to this shop and he had a

fixation at the time over bottles of water. Dunno why he's been through the

same with pick and mix sweets. He'll always have a pick and mix tub of sweets,

but never eats them. He just wants to look at them and touch them.

Carl Draper: He is

never eaten one. But this occasion we [00:06:00]

got to the checkout and he wanted a bottle of water from next to the counter

and, the car was full of bottles of water. The house was full of bottles of

water. Every time we went to the shop, he wanted a bottle of water. So I

decided on this day that I was gonna stand my ground and say no, because at

some point we, need to teach him boundaries and that you can't always have what

you want.

Carl Draper: Rather

than he is going to sort of have a meltdown get him a bottle of water for an

easy exit. So he, he had a full on stress response and it ended up on the

floor. I sat on the floor with him and I was now doing the right behaviors. I

was meeting this chaos with calm. So rather than getting embarrassed, rather

than getting angry and raising me voice, I was calm and I was validating and I

was explaining to him that, you know that daddy can't afford a bottle of water

today.

Carl Draper: We don't

have the coins 'cause we need to teach him value and things like this with

money. And it went on for probably [00:07:00]

15 minutes. And in my mind I'm like, stay calm. You're gonna get there. You're

gonna win today. This is the winning day, Cole. But while I'm doing this,

there's two women stood nearby me. One is filming me, and the other lady

standing next to her who's filming me is saying something along the lines of,

when I was brought up, I was brought up with discipline.

Carl Draper: Not this

woke shit that this idiot here is doing, because obviously it's not the norm,

is it?

Carl Draper: Bringing

a child up like Bodhi or any child should be brought up with a slap or with

fear or with punishment. So we're doing it right and we're doing it with pride.

Carl Draper: So

anyway, I'm there and I'm winning and it's working. And then the security guard

comes over. He wants to know what's going off, and I sort of stood up and I

explained bodie's severely autistic, I'm sorry if you give us a little bit of

time and space, we'll we'll be out of here. And he was a bit [00:08:00] hesitant, but he left. So Bodhi regulated

and then I got him out to the car and it was like it never happened. And me

probably one of the best days of my life. 'cause this is like a huge win, a

huge victory. And I've now started to believe in these new behaviors. Um, it's

working. A little while ago we went back to the same Superstore.

Carl Draper: This

time we got Frank and the same thing happened again. We get to the checkout, he

wants a bottle of water, and here we go again. We get this full stress

response. He's on the floor and then he's grabbing at me, Frank is sat next to

Bodhi on the floor, and Frank is leaning on him.

Carl Draper: Frank

leans on him like a. Like a big weighted blanket. Frank's leaning on him and

Frank obviously is a big German shepherd. He's getting quite big now and

there's like a 10 foot gap around us. 'cause Frank's just staring at everybody.

And although he can't speak, [00:09:00] he's

very expressive with his nonverbal communication. His face is saying to people,

keep walking, stay back. And everybody's just doing that. There's carrying on.

There's no filming, nothing. And the same security guard appears. So again, I

stand up and he's like, you again? I'm so sorry. Yes, it's me again. We're

having the same thing as before, but again, if you give us a little bit of time

and space, I really appreciate your support. It won't take long, but this time

he said well, I'm sorry. Uh, I've been told I've got to remove him from the

store. and I'm like, well. I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, but you

need to rethink what you're thinking. 'cause no one's putting a finger on him.

And he said, I'm sorry, I've been told to, so I said to the guard, I'm like, do

you mind just stepping forward?

Carl Draper: He

couldn't see Frank. Frank was sat behind the back of the checkout. He could

only see sort of bowed his legs if you like. So he steps forward and I said,

you see that? That's Frank. If you've got a [00:10:00]

problem, you go and speak to Frank. And Frank. staring at this security guard

and they're sort of staring at eg.

Carl Draper: Just

turned around and walked away.

Natalie Tealdi:

Brilliant.

Carl Draper: we have

a German Shepherd as an assistance dog, because you do go through things like

this and I've seen people in supermarkets where their kids having, you know, a

stress response or meltdown you can see the fear and embarrassment on their

face and the look on others as they're going past that judgment, you know?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Carl Draper: I'm

prepared for it in the daytime. I've had sleep, we've had food, but like the

other night, he woke up at one, one half, one in the morning screaming

emergency.

Carl Draper:

Emergency, emergency. So I'm ripped outta my sleep. I jump outta bed to see

what's going off. I tread on a plane, I tread on a train track. You tread on

Lego. I'm falling over 'cause it bloody hurts. I'm naked. I need a wee, I

haven't got my eyes open yet. He's screaming emergency [00:11:00]

and he, for some reason, he's woken up.

Carl Draper: He's on

the plane tracker and there's a plane doing at Bournemouth Airport at 10 48.

It's like one in the morning. He doesn't understand the time, but he's seen

this plane come in. Now he's getting dressed, he wants to leave. Now we're

leaving, we're going to the airport. So that, that can be very challenging

because you've gotta immediately regulate your own emotions first before you

can deal with the situation. So a, put some clothes on other week, get rid of

the Lego that I keep. Bloody stepping on and going down over he's, leaving. And

again, we are getting much better at it. So it's becoming short-lived because

I'm not slamming doors getting angry

Carl Draper: and that

social norms response.

Victoria Bennion:

That's good. Not easy in the middle of the night.

Carl Draper: and that

can happen [00:12:00] on the way out the door

in the morning to work or uni. All of a sudden he's gotta take a wheeler bin

for a walk. 'cause he'd been learning at school about refuse and garbage and

And a lot of the time it is your own stress response to what's going off. And I

think a lot of times that's what we refer to as challenging behavior.

Carl Draper: But

looking back to when I was sitting in the car every night, it was my behaviors.

And I've always said nothing impacts a child like Bodhi more than the behaviors

of those around him.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Carl Draper: That

started with me. Uh, learning these new parenting styles, and when I've done my

placements with cams and things, I've seen exactly the same thing where quite

often number one priority here is the parents and their parenting styles or

behaviors.

Carl Draper: If you

can't regulate your own emotions, then you're gonna get a stress response to

these unmet needs that come at. Strange times in strange

Carl Draper:

situations and places.

Natalie Tealdi: I

think it can be. Really tricky, [00:13:00]

can't it? Because when you are dealing with those challenging behaviors, your

body, your own response for myself, I've had it where I feel sad that my son's

struggling

Natalie Tealdi: and

then stressed because I dunno what to do. And then you're freaking out in your

own head. But then you know that's wrong and you have to really. Try hard to to

calm down that's the best thing for them, but it kind of goes against your

natural responses in a way.

Carl Draper: It's

like the way I was brought up, if I got up at one o'clock in the morning when I

was a kid and asked, you know, my mom take me to the airport, I'd be a very

Carl Draper: stern,

no.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

different, isn't it? Because they're acting on impulse. We have that with our

son. He came home from school the other day and he wanted to go back to a beach

where he'd seen a tire and we knew that he would not rest until he'd gone and

seen this tire.

Natalie Tealdi: So my

husband had to just reorganize his afternoon to take him.

Natalie Tealdi:

'cause we knew that was what the best thing was

Natalie Tealdi: for[00:14:00]

Carl Draper: yeah.

Perfect. I, I'd

Carl Draper: same,

but there are certain times like 1:00 AM and the plane's

Carl Draper: not due

till 11. It's not gonna work. So.

Carl Draper: You

know, priority there is, right? Sort yourself out, Cole, regulate yourself.

Have a pee, put some clothes on. Then validate, then save space, then regulate,

and then at other times it, the priority can change.

Carl Draper: You just

chop and change, but. I gotta tell you being ripped outta your sleep at one two

in the morning and stepping on Lego and trains and

Carl Draper: train

tracks where he is screaming

Carl Draper:

emergency.

Carl Draper: It

Natalie Tealdi:

That's gonna trigger anyone, isn't It

Carl Draper: funny

afterwards, but at the time it's just not funny at all....

Rebuilding Relationships While Supporting Neurodivergent Children with Carla Wainwright

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 11:15:00 +0100

In today’s episode, of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria is hosting solo as Nat is home with an unwell little one. She’s joined by the wonderful Carla Wainwright, a Holistic Wellness Coach and Relationship Transformation specialist who supports parents and couples navigating the stress, overwhelm, and emotional load that can come when a child’s health or development needs extra support.

Carla Wainwright's Biography

Carla Wainwright is a Holistic Wellness Coach and Relationship Transformation specialist who helps parents and couples navigate the stress, disconnection, and overwhelm that can come when a child’s health or development needs extra support. With a graduate degree in biological sciences, a 4-year practitioner diploma in Homeopathy and Heilkunst, and over 25 years as an embodied yoga teacher, Carla blends science, somatic practice, and coaching to guide couples in rekindling intimacy, deepening connection, and restoring shared purpose. Her compassionate, practical approach creates space for parents to thrive - both individually and together—while walking alongside their child’s unique health journey.

Key Takeaways

Many relationship challenges stem from the fact that none of us were taught how to stay connected when life feels overwhelming.
Parenting a neurodivergent or high-needs child can magnify existing patterns of disconnection within a couple.
Emotional exhaustion and nervous system overload often show up as distance, irritability, or feeling like “roommates” instead of partners.
Co-regulation—calming your nervous systems together—is often the first gentle step toward rebuilding intimacy.
Small, simple practices like sitting side-by-side, holding hands, or breathing together can create emotional safety.
Clear and compassionate communication, especially using “I” language, helps both people feel heard rather than blamed.
Loving, well-expressed boundaries can strengthen a relationship rather than push partners apart.
Prioritising your relationship supports the whole household
Understanding each partner’s unique coping style can ease misunderstandings and reduce conflict.
The path back to connection starts with nervous system regulation—first for yourself, and then with each other.

Connect with Carla

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carlawainwright/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarlaWainwrightCreatrix/

Website: https://www.carlawainwright.com/

Free Gift: The Connected Way Forward – Carla’s free 3-minute connection practice for couples, designed to gently rebuild closeness even when life feels overwhelming

https://www.carlawainwright.com/connected-way-forward

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Rebuilding Relationships While Supporting Neurodivergent

Children with Carla Wainwright

[00:00:00]

Victoria Bennion:

Hello and welcome. It's Victoria and I'm on my own today as Nat has an ill

child, but I'm grateful to be joined by our guest, Carla Wayne Wright. Carla is

a holistic wellness coach and relationship transformation specialist who helps

parents and couples find their way through the stress and emotional load that

comes with supporting a child whose development or health needs are a little

different.

Victoria Bennion:

Welcome to the podcast, Carla. It's great to have you here with us today.

Carla Wainwright: Oh,

I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you.

Victoria Bennion: How

did you get into this line of work? I wonder if you Could talk to us about your

own journey.

Carla Wainwright:

Sure. Yeah. So, you know, my background actually started in science, so I

worked for many years as a wildlife biologist. I always had like a deep passion

for nature and animals, and I began to shift into homeopathy and holistic

health. As a result of, you know, my own healing journey. And when I was

practicing as a homeopath, you know, I was working with families who had

children with complex or neurodivergent needs and, you know, [00:01:00] parents is usually the mother would come

in, of course wanting to support the child, but it became really clear to me,

of course, there was this immense stress that the parents were carrying and

that the stress was showing up in the family dynamic and also in the

relationship. And so I would always encourage the mother to get support and,

and treatment as well because,

Carla Wainwright: it,

the mother's falling apart. It's so hard for her to support her, her child, and

her family. And so over time, I did this for quite a while and then in my own

journey , of healing my own trauma, I became a sex, love and relationship

coach. And that worked naturally expanded to supporting women and couples.

Carla Wainwright: And

I have a deep. Passion to support couples, to reconnect to , their intimacy, ,

their connection, their emotional resilience. I, I really feel that. You know,

the container of the couple., It's like this beautiful, sacred container for

growth and evolution. But we're not taught how to do this.

Carla Wainwright:

Relationships [00:02:00] can be beautiful and

powerful and deeply challenging, and that's even without all the extra

responsibilities of, of parenting and caregiving. One of my passions is

supporting couples to, strip off some of those layers of their own hurt

experiences or traumas to really connect back to one another in the ways that

brought them together in the first place so that their relationship and their

families can flourish.

Carla Wainwright: We

all wanna thrive. But often we need support to be able to do that. So it, it

is, it's one of my great joys to be able to support couples on that path and in

turn, really allow their families and their childrens to thrive as well.

Victoria Bennion: Oh,

that's lovely. What are some of the common challenges that you see couples

facing when they're raising a child who needs extra support?

Carla Wainwright:

Yeah, so this is something that. Many, many couples deal with. And you know,

actually I would say that couples who may not even have children face all kinds

of challenges. And, um, I think I'd like to preface this [00:03:00] by, by saying, I, I feel like

relationships are something that we're just supposed to magically know how to

do without any training.

Carla Wainwright:

And, uh, the reality is, is that most of us didn't, we weren't necessarily

modeled great relationships in our families, like I certainly wasn't. Some of

us were lucky to have parents who modeled great relationships, but it's not the

norm. And then of course we have culture and just society modeling, not always

healthy relationships.

Carla Wainwright: So

we're somehow just supposed to magically know how to navigate relationships and

have a thriving partnership that is able to weather all kinds of storms and

challenges. And the reality is, is that we don't really have. That base. So I

always come to, you know, the idea of relationships with a lot of compassion

because.

Carla Wainwright:

Often the starting point is that we actually don't really know how to stay

connected, especially when things are difficult. So if we layer on top of that

parenting a child who needs extra support, this really then can amplify [00:04:00] a lot of preexisting patterns of

disconnection that might be already.

Carla Wainwright:

Present in a relationship. And you know, there's so many challenges that

couples can face. So of course there's the emotional exhaustion, nervous system

overload. You know, parents are running on empty living in fight or flight

mode. And then we can layer on top of that for women. As they move into their

later thirties and forties all of the perimenopausal symptoms, which are also

exacerbating stress responses and hormone fluctuations and make everything in

life that much more difficult.

Carla Wainwright: Um.

Other challenges that parents face are, you know, there's an uneven load. Often

one parent is taking on more of the emotional, logistical, or therapeutic care

and that can create , more distance. And you know, when that distance really

begins to take hold, the identity of the couple. Begins to become lost and the

couple really starts to function more in like, they're [00:05:00]

just in project management mode rather than being like a unified couple.

Carla Wainwright: And

so the identity of who those two people were when they first got together often

begins to fracture. But I wanna normalize it because it's really, really

common.

Victoria Bennion: I

Victoria Bennion:

think so much of what you said is really relatable

Carla Wainwright:

Absolutely. And then I guess I would also add to that is that, you know, people

are individuals and they're gonna have their own ways of coping and their own

ways to deal with things. And if that is not done in a way that are where those

differences are recognized, acknowledged, and maybe even celebrated, then that

can even also cause a lot of stress.

Victoria Bennion: So

when you're in a relationship and you are under this stress, what are some ways

that you can use to rekindle that intimacy?

Carla Wainwright: So

often that can feel like that can feel like a big stretch, you know, to

rekindle intimacy. And so I think it's so important to just start with very,

very small, doable, uh, practices or even just an [00:06:00]

intention. To just bring back some closeness and connection together. So the,

the most important thing to recognize is that intimacy, it thrives on safety.

Carla Wainwright: And

so feeling regulated in your body is the absolute foundation always. And this

is especially important for women. So. I think a lot of couples think, well, if

I just throw in a date night, then everything, you know, we're gonna be able to

rekindle that intimacy. And a date night is fantastic, but that's often like

step 10.

Carla Wainwright:

It's not step number one. So the, the very first thing to do is to really just

start with co-regulation. So what I mean by that is just soothing your own

nervous system. And your partner's nervous system. So that could be as simple

as just sitting side by side where maybe just your arms are touching or your

legs are touching and just breathing together.

Carla Wainwright:

Maybe you're holding hands in silence, um, maybe you're just lying down next to

one another and there's just like, no [00:07:00]

speaking. These micro moments are, are really, really important because it

signals to the body like. Exhale, and that it's okay to perhaps move to the

next step, which might be a little more contact touch on the shoulder.

Carla Wainwright: All

of these kinds of very small things. And these are the things that begin to

build that safety and capacity in the body. Where then maybe the next step

after that is just even having a loving, open-hearted conversation. So, you

know, intimacy. We often associate with needing to be sexual.

Carla Wainwright:

Absolutely can include that. But I think we actually have to start even before

that, especially for couples who feel like they've drifted apart and maybe

living more as like roommates or household managers in some way to just really

take those small steps. And I think that. Communicating the need for small

steps is also super important.

Carla Wainwright: So

being transparent about your capacity. So like, I wanna be close, but I'm [00:08:00] actually just not feeling like I'm there

quite yet. Could we just actually just lie here together or just hold hands and

take five breaths or something like that. And. It's, these types of things are

very, very effective to rekindle that sense of safety and provide more capacity

for leaning into, you know, other other types of intimacy and connecting

connection practices, which then really support the relationship to begin to

flourish again.

Victoria Bennion:

That's

Victoria Bennion:

really useful applies. Thank you. And how important would you say it is to

prioritize your relationship? 'cause as you mentioned, if you are firefighting

and being a house manager and looking after all those things, you might think,

is it really important? What would you say to that?

Carla Wainwright:

Yeah, I, I'd say it's so, so important. You know, the, your relationship.

Really, in many ways can set the, the emotional and energetic tone of the, of

the whole household. And, [00:09:00] you know,

, children attune to their parents' energy. So we all know that saying that,

you know, uh, children, respond to what they see, not to what you tell them to

do or what they hear.

Carla Wainwright:

Right? And so if the couple is able to. Have a space of like calm and

connection, um, and respect for one another, then kids feel safer and more

secure. And that's so important for neurodivergent children who are extra

sensitive to emotional cues and. You know, we also model resilience, uh, to our

children.

Carla Wainwright: So

when we can show compassion, when we can acknowledge that, you know, maybe

we've done something wrong and, and make the effort to repair that when we show

teamwork, it teaches kids emotional regulation in ways that are way more

powerful than words. So I, I really feel like the family environment is

creating that beautiful foundation for your child's wellbeing.[00:10:00]

Carla Wainwright: And

I, I also wanna say though, that if, if you're listening to this and you're

struggling to not, not take this as something you know, to feel guilty about,

it's just an opportunity to perhaps invite in a shift or a different way of

being. Life is stressful and we have a lot on our plates, and it can feel like.

Carla Wainwright:

Maintaining that priority of the relationship just feels like one more thing

that I can't possibly even manage. So it's just about taking very small

incremental steps from a place of regulation in your nervous system, allowing

yourself to feel safe and recognize that even the smallest little ripple is

going to have an impact into the family.

Carla Wainwright: And

so, um. A child's world really begins with your own nervous system. So when

you, you care for yourself and your relationship, you're really tending and

nurturing the soil that your whole family grows from.

Victoria Bennion:

It's so useful to hear that because sometimes I think you can feel [00:11:00] guilty for. Taking that time for yourself.

But I like that being framed, that it's actually in your child's interest, that

you are regulated do you find that some of the parents you work with of the

neurodivergent children are also neurodivergent

Carla Wainwright:

Yes, that absolutely can be the case as well.

Victoria Bennion:

Does that bring up any other difficulties

Carla Wainwright:

Then perhaps that the different types of connection practices that I might

recommend to a couple might look a little bit different. , The need to feel

safe and seen is a pretty universal human quality. So I think that that in many

ways.

Carla Wainwright:

When we really address or like the foundation of feeling safe and seen, um,

that will be the same for everyone, although, you know how you do that may vary

slightly, but certainly, you know, when you're looking at things through a lens

of, of, you know, the couple may be one person, the couples also

neurodivergent.

Carla Wainwright: You

may have to modify the practices in such a [00:12:00]

way or. Or be very generous and expansive with the, with the timeline of that

in order to really support the couple,

Victoria Bennion:

That makes sense. And what role do. Communication and boundaries play in

helping couples navigate these unique challenges.

Carla Wainwright:

Well, yeah. Communication is so, so important. , The three initial pillars that

I work on with couples are, you know, communication, clarity, and connection.

And. Communication is so important , and communication. Again, if, you know,

coming back to what I said earlier, we're not really taught how to do this very

well.

Carla Wainwright:

Right. Often the go-to is to just move into either like shutting down or blame

or being reactive. And many of us haven't really had modeling. Of how to handle

conflict or when we're just feeling like, not like ourselves or we need space

or we need connection, all of those things, like how do we actually ask for

that in a way that the other person feels receptive?[00:13:00]

Carla Wainwright: So

one of the things that I, I often teach, is the framework of, uh, nonviolent

communication, which is just really acknowledging what's happening asking for

what you need. And then, , there's a very simple framework for that. But it

really uses this eye language, like, this is my experience and this is actually

what I need.

Carla Wainwright:

Boundaries are also, of course, really important. And, and when...

Managing Christmas Challenges for Neurodivergent Families

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about something that many families find really tough, the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical, but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Key Takeaways

Understanding Christmas Overwhelm: Many autistic children find the Christmas season stressful due to changes in routine and expectations.

Addressing Pre-Christmas Challenges: Difficulties can arise well before Christmas Day, with alterations in school activities and the build-up of holiday expectations.

Communication and Preparation: Clear communication about what to expect can help reduce anxiety in children. Discussing plans with them beforehand is crucial.

Adjusting Traditions: Families may wish to consider adapting their traditions to better suit their child's needs, such as avoiding large gatherings or adjusting meal times.

Managing Social Expectations: The pressure to participate in Christmas events, such as school plays and gatherings, can cause significant distress for neurodivergent children.

Sensory Sensitivities: Decorations and festive environments can be overwhelming, emphasising the need for a personalised approach to celebrations.

Flexibility on Christmas Day: It can be helpful to allow for breaks and personal space on Christmas Day, adapting activities to match children's comfort levels.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Setting up a calm and understanding atmosphere at home can make the season more enjoyable for neurodivergent family members.

Encouraging Open Dialogue: Encouraging children to express their needs, such as using visual aids to communicate comfort levels, can help.

Finding Joy in Simplicity: Embracing a less traditional Christmas that meets individual family needs can be just as fulfilling as adhering to societal expectations.

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria

Bennion: [00:00:00] Today

we're talking about something that many families find really tough.

It's the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical,

but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really

overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Natalie

Tealdi: We're gonna talk through some of the common

challenges that come long before Christmas Day. What happens on the

day itself, and what we've learned works for our families. Hopefully

it helps you feel a little more understood and a little more

supported this year.

Victoria

Bennion: For many of our children, the struggles start way

before Christmas day when everything starts to change. Routines are

different expectations, the look and the feel of a school. For one of

my children, these struggles were really apparent from preschool age

and they had a lot of trauma to work through in subsequent years of,

it sounds awful, doesn't it?

But the trauma from Christmas,

from doing Christmas at school every year.

Natalie

Tealdi: I know it's something that you think will be

really fun and I know that's where it comes from. It comes from a

[00:01:00] place of yeah, let's be a bit

more relaxed and make it really fun for the kids in a build up to

Christmas. But actually for some children it's just horrific.

Victoria

Bennion: Absolutely. And for some it is fun. I think worth

acknowledging that, but for our children, it's really not fun. I

remember there was an instance we went into school and they were

completely off timetable and. He was having so much anxiety. And I

said to the TA on the door, can you tell him what to expect from the

day? What have you got planned? And she said, oh, you know, lots of

fun things. And I thought we might as well just go back to the car

right now. He was horrified.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah. It's that not knowing what's happening,

isn't it? And everything being different and looking different.

Victoria

Bennion: The decorations there was one year the PTA did

this lovely winter wonderland outside the school and it was a

surprise to the children as they came in and we walked up the

pavement and there's all these oohs and ahs and there was a snow

machine and people dressed [00:02:00] up

and my son was completely white. Really, really anxious. I think he

made it into school, but he couldn't speak. He was just absolutely

horrified by it.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, what used to upset my son was the Christmas

jumper days, so not wearing a school uniform that really upset him

because, you know, when we go to school we wear uniform and that's

just how it is and well, why are they changing it? And that creates

anxiety and uncertainty and it is things that are supposed to be fun

and that are fun for a lot of people, but not others.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah, and actually when, I didn't know back then

that. Change had such an impact. That was in my oblivious era. But

actually when you think about it, there's so much change, isn't

there? Another pressure that I know my son felt was the Christmas

plays every year, and that's when I noticed it at preschool. It was

the first play and all the family were coming in. It was gonna be in

the village hall, and. I know my timekeeping [00:03:00]

isn't always the most amazing,

Natalie

Tealdi: No comment.

Victoria

Bennion: No come on. We were. We were not early, put it

that way. We were not early. But the reason we went early was because

he kept taking off his shepherd's costume. I kept putting it back on.

He kept taking it off and in the end I took him to the village hall

and took him to the room where all the children were and handed them

the costume. And I said, I can't. Get him to wear it. It wasn't that

he protested really loudly, he just kept taking it off. Looking back,

I feel so bad about that, that whole event, but I remember taking my

place in the audience.

Were you there? Did you come?

No, He must have been working.

So it was the wider family and, he was holding onto one of the

preschool workers' hands. She was lovely with him and he was wearing

his costume and they led them round and they sat up on the stage and

I watched him just sit on the stage frozen. He didn't join in. He was

supposed to do a dance. He didn't get up and do the [00:04:00]

dance and. I've just felt so awful for him. And in later years when I

knew that how much of a struggle that was for him, I looked back with

even more horror that he'd had to go through that. In fact, one of

the mums had a recording of it that I saw a couple of years ago, and

watching it back, I actually had to leave.

It was from a good place, but

looking at, oh, how cute are they? And all I could see was. Just the

terror. The terror in his face, and then the guilt that he'd gone

through that and I hadn't known.

Natalie

Tealdi: I think when you know, years later, things look

very different in their. I know I've looked back at videos and

thought, oh my gosh, he's really struggling there, and I had no idea

at the time. I didn't understand.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah.

Natalie

Tealdi: But also I think with those plays, it's something

that you really look forward to as a mom and a parent.

Like just seeing them all cute

and dressed up. And it's something that you really look forward to

seeing, isn't it? And I don't think [00:05:00]

we've ever had a successful one

Victoria

Bennion: No.

Natalie

Tealdi: with either of mine.

Victoria

Bennion: No, I don't. I'm not sure that we have two. I

think the one in reception, I seem to remember they dressed up as

animals and that. Was the only one that he participated in. There

wasn't a stage, so maybe that was why. But they were down on the

floor just in front of us and I think they sang a song and I feel

like he joined in, but I wouldn't wanna see a video of that.

I think I'd spot struggles.

And that is something. From a parent's point of view, letting that

go, that expectation because, no, my son never participated in any

place after that. That was it. And they used to take him out of the

room.

He wouldn't join in the

rehearsals and they'd give him other things to do, which is good. But

he said when he was at his alternative provisions, so that would've

been when he was in year four, they. Approached me one day when they

were putting the decorations up and they said he's completely shut

[00:06:00] down, disengaged, didn't want

to do it. And that was really when we began to unpick the

difficulties around Christmas. So there is the decorations growing up

and again, when we put them up at home, he doesn't get involved in

that. Not at all. My daughter does and. Everybody else, and he hasn't

ever said anything, but I don't think he likes it very much. And they

did some work with him at his alternative provision to try to unpick

what the problem was around Christmas. He did mention the place and

he said, everybody expects you to get it. All right. Everybody

expects you to smile. And it was all the weight of that expectation.

Natalie

Tealdi: All those demands,

Victoria

Bennion: Demands. Yeah. All those demands, which luckily

are not there at specialist school, but they did take some unpicking.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, and I think we've talked before about the

grief and how that can come up now and again, and I think this time

[00:07:00] of year is one of those times

well, it certainly comes up a lot for me because I think you have

expectations. Of what life will be like, don't you, for Christmas and

it's just different.

And it has to be different,

and you have to let go.

Victoria

Bennion: Yes you do. Yes you do. I think I'm at that point

where I've let that go. Last year was our most successful Christmas,

I would say. I don't know what your son's attendance was like and the

lead up to Christmas, but actually the last couple of years, my son

was at mainstream school. He missed the last week.

We just cut it and as it was

just getting more unpredictable. As the tone went on, he couldn't go

in, so we, she used to start Christmas early.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, that was the same for my son and even more

so that they had put the stage up in the hall and that's where he

used to have his sensory breaks so he couldn't have his sensory

breaks. At all, which really upset him massively. And the only choice

was outside and you know, is the weather. [00:08:00]

This time of year is not great.

So yeah, we did, we started

the holiday early.

Victoria

Bennion: I think that's all you can do, and you hope that

the schools understand. Certainly when my son was in year three, year

four, there was an understanding that it was difficult for whatever

reason, and they accepted that he wouldn't be in those last few days.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria

Bennion: How about Christmas Day?

Natalie

Tealdi: Christmas day is usually really tricky for us,

actually. We've taken away demands such as sitting at the table for

food. We don't do a roast anymore, because neither of my children

really like roast dinners. And my son sits on the Sophie usually

Anyway, so what we've done in the last. I think two or three years is

we do a buffet and then we just get bits of what everybody likes, and

then they can come and they can pick at it whenever they want.

And that works really well

because there's no demand

Victoria

Bennion: a nice idea.

Natalie

Tealdi: [00:09:00] yeah. It's

the presence that are tricky as well. I don't think we've nailed this

one yet. I know there's some people who don't. Wrap presence. Do

they,

they just, appear and that can

help reduce that demand? I think

Victoria

Bennion: something that we used to do that I realize now

is another horrifying thing for my son was my in-laws live. Miles

away, and we don't usually see them for Christmas, so we would do a

Skype call or a Zoom call with them so that they could watch the

children opening their presents. Now I think, oh my goodness, the

poor thing. So we put an end to that. And my husband talked to them

and just explained that actually that added so much stress with, I

think it's knowing how to respond. To what you are opening and the it

is layered, isn't it? But I know that it doesn't work for him. We

keep our Christmases separate, don't we?

Because it is tricky for both

families and it's too much to join together usually on Christmas day,

[00:10:00] unless we meet for a walk.

We've done that before, haven't we?

We've met for a walk, but not.

doing it all together with all

the different needs to balance, it's, it's too much.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, we always stay at home. Just us because it's

just much easier

Victoria

Bennion: Have you had trouble with the countdown to

Christmas as well of when is Christmas, when is it going to happening

with your son?

Natalie

Tealdi: Yes. So we've been counting down in previous years

from the beginning of November. So we've done a visual countdown to

the advent calendar and then that countdown because he loves

Christmas. Uh. Absolutely loves it. He gets so excited. He'll talk

about it in the summer holidays and sometimes we've counted down from

then.

It's that buildup. And then

when you get there, when it's over, it's like the Christmas day is

often like the catalyst for now it's over and now we can't handle it

Victoria

Bennion: What does that look like? Does he get very

dysregulated?

Natalie

Tealdi: Very dysregulated. Yeah. And he just needs space

time,

Victoria

Bennion: do you do in terms of [00:11:00]

opening the presence? Do you open them all in one go or space it out?

Natalie

Tealdi: Well, usually they're very lucky to have so much

that it takes all day to open them all or most of the day. Because I

think they like to look at them as they go as well. So it does take a

long time, but we're just led by them and what suits them. If they

need a break, getting 'em to have some breakfast is always a tricky

one, but that's helpful in helping them stay regulated.

Victoria

Bennion: What Time do they get up on Christmas Day?

Natalie

Tealdi: too early.

I, oh gosh, I think it was

five o'clock last year, which I don't like, I don't like anything

before six is too early. Thank you very much, because everyone's

cranky then as well, so you've got the tiredness on top

of just the usual trickiness

deal with.

Victoria

Bennion: probably not the best start. We made some changes

last year, so food again is a massive issue in our house. So we do

tend to eat at lunchtime. So is what worked last [00:12:00]

year. And again, food very much depends on the stress levels. Of the

child at the time. But last year what we did was we bought my son a

Christmas gingerbread man decorated, and a Christmas type brownie was

this themed, that was his lunch so we usually start with soup, a

consomme, which has a smell, that's why I mention it. So he didn't

come up to the table for that. It's hard for him often to be around

food. So though it depends how he's feeling. But he did manage to

come eat those bits with us and then he left. So that's eating

together. And I, I just took that as a win. He actually came and

joined us for a few minutes and he was happy. In terms of presence,

we did that slightly differently. Again, more because we were

slightly experimenting with what might make it easier and what could

be a potential problem. Because my son doesn't always [00:13:00]

communicate what is the problem. I dunno that he can. So the children

had their stockings in their bedrooms while me and mom walked the

dog. Again, they're a little bit later than yours are older, so I

think it was about seven o'clock, and then we came back from walking

the dog and about eight...

Charmaine Champ: Supporting Neurodivergent Children with Toileting Challenges

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 01:00:00 +0100

Toileting challenges can feel overwhelming for parents of neurodivergent children, especially when withholding, accidents, or anxiety become part of everyday life. In this episode, we’re joined by the compassionate and highly experienced Charmaine Champ, who brings over 30 years of professional and lived experience to help families understand what’s really happening inside their child’s body. Charmaine shares why toileting can feel so hard, the small steps that make progress possible, and the gentle, practical strategies that help children feel safe and confident.

Biography

Charmaine Champ is a Registered Nurse in Learning Disability (RNLD), Community Nurse Specialist (BSc Hons), Queen’s Nursing Institute Award winner, and a Continence, Sleep, and Understanding Emotions Consultant with over 30 years’ experience supporting children and young people. Drawing on a rich background across clinics, schools, charities, NHS services, and family homes, as well as her own lived experience as a mum in a neurodivergent household, Charmaine specialises in helping children recognise, understand, and respond to the messages their bodies send, so wees and poos can happen comfortably and safely. Her approach blends research-backed guidance with a compassionate, gut-health-informed lens, empowering families, carers, and professionals to support neurodivergent children with toileting, sleep, and emotional regulation in a way that truly meets their individual needs.

Key Takeaways

Why recognising internal body cues matters for understanding a child’s toileting challenges and choosing the right starting point.

What withholding really signals and how seeing it as communication—not behaviour—shift the whole approach.

Breaking skills into tiny, achievable steps helps children feel safe, confident, and less overwhelmed.

Identifying missed signals such as difficulty noticing hunger, fullness, or the need to poo or wee can unlock new progress.

Sensory needs play a powerful role, influencing where, when, and how a child feels able to use the toilet.

Consistency across home, school, and healthcare builds familiarity and reduces anxiety for neurodivergent children.

Medications like Movicol require proper guidance, and understanding dosage and purpose helps parents advocate with clarity.

Using visuals and accessible communication makes environments more supporting and inclusive for all children.

Understanding the ‘why’ behind toileting patterns gives parents reassurance, confidence, and a clearer sense of direction.

Mentioned in This Episode

Bristol Stool Chart

Connect with Charmaine Champ

Free gift: https://clear-steps-consultancy.newzenler.com/courses/what-to-do-about-poo

Email: Info@clearstepsconsultancy.co.uk

Website: https://www.clearstepsconsultancy.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ContinenceConsultantTrainer

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/continenceconsultanttrainer

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion:

Today, we’re talking about toileting - it's a topic that many families navigate behind closed doors without proper guidance and clarity. To help us bring light, understanding, and practical support to this area, we’re joined by the wonderful Charmaine Champ. Charmaine is a Queen’s Nursing Institute Award–winning specialist with over 30 years of experience supporting children and young people with their toileting, sleep, and emotional regulation needs.

She’s also a mum in a neurodivergent household, so she understands these challenges from both a professional and a personal perspective.

In our conversation, she explains why toileting can be so complex for our children, what might be happening inside their bodies, and how small, gentle steps can lead to real progress.

If your child struggles with toileting we think you’re going to find this episode incredibly helpful.

Welcome to the podcast, Charmaine.

Charmaine Champ:

Thank you very much..

Victoria Bennion: Can

you share your journey and talk a little bit about what inspired you to

dedicate over 30 years to supporting children and young people, particularly

those with learning disabilities?

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, of course. . It probably started when I had a school placement. So you

remember when you were at sort of school? Many years ago. I don't think they do

it now, but many years ago I used to have like a work placement and I worked in

a special needs school as from my work placement and absolutely loved it.

Charmaine Champ: And

I was like, oh, I really. I really like doing this. I'd like to do more of it.

And then I decided that I was going to become a nurse, but I wanted to be a

learn disability nurse. And when I was doing my different placements, I was

working with lots of different people, families, children's, all different

ages.

Charmaine Champ: And

just thought, do you know what, I just, that's what I wanna specialize in. I

just want to [00:01:00] help people get their

views across because so often things were happening to people and. They didn't

know, like, I worked with a lot of children where they had really complex

cases, so they may be non-speaking, they may have difficulties like getting about

physically as well.

Charmaine Champ: I

wanted to help with like communication side of things, just trying to get their

message across. So that's where it all started from work placement. You never

think that these things would start from there, would you?

Victoria Bennion: Oh

no, I did mine in a barrister's chambers. It's

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

random.

Charmaine Champ: I

mean, you never know where these things take you to.

Charmaine Champ: Over

the years cause then I now live in a neurodivergent household. So I not only

have had to my professional experience, but I have personal experience as well.

Victoria Bennion:

Could you talk a little bit about your approach?

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, of course. . I've been able to gather, , research that's taken [00:02:00] place over the years. So there's lots of

different research available as well as like my experience as well, and put it

all together within our holistic p and p approach. So this is all about not

just looking at one area.

Charmaine Champ:

Often you'll hear. I've been to the doctor or I've been to consultant wherever,

and they're just looking at medication or they're just looking at, you know, it

tends to be just looking at medication, and although medication plays a vital

role and it does help, it isn't the only way to help our children.

Charmaine Champ: So

what I do, I've developed, the holistic p and p approach to make sure that we

are looking at more than one area because it's not just about just sitting on

the toilet equally. It's not just about just having medication. And often I

find that toileting progress isn't able to be made when just one approach is

looked at.[00:03:00]

Charmaine Champ: So

when our children, if they're just having the medication and we've been in that

process for years and years and years and we just think we're making no

progress whatsoever. My child is still having accidents. They're still

withholding, you know, they're still only pooing in an nappy, whatever that may

be.

Charmaine Champ: , It

won't work because like we mentioned before, it may not , be given them the

right way, but equally we haven't looked at the other areas. So we tend to look

at, the p and the P approach, the holistic approach to make sure that we are

looking at more than one area to make sure that our children can progress in a

way that's gonna be right for them.

Victoria Bennion:

sounds like a really good approach.

Natalie Tealdi: As a

Queen's Nursing Institute award winner, how has your recognition influenced

your work and the approach you take in your practice?

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, so, I won the award for helping children to be able to access, services.

, So often I was working with children with quite complex needs and they were

getting really [00:04:00] dysregulated and

overwhelmed when going to the gp, for instance, or when they were gonna the

hospital or they needed to have an investigation done or a procedure done.

Charmaine Champ:

families, found they couldn't access these services. And it then meant that

they, many children weren't able to receive the medical help that they needed,

so they couldn't go and see the GP because they become so dysregulated. But it

then meant that they weren't having, like their health needs looked at.

Charmaine Champ: So

things were sort of going by. So, the work that I did was all around sort of

breaking that all down. So I was then able to do social stories around it. I

was able to, do hospital packs and play packs as well that I was able to

develop so we had a trial hospital that did that and then worked with, some

play specialists. That will then enable to take that on board and then place

specialists have shared a lot of that information in different hospitals, that

we've worked [00:05:00] with. Going forward, it

just means that whatever I'm doing, I just really break everything down to make

sure that it's all, I call it bite-sized pieces, but it's just.

Charmaine Champ: So

say for instance, if a family would really like for their child to sit on the

toilet, that's what they want to do. but that may not be where we start. We

actually might need to break that down in several pieces because actually the

child won't even go into the bathroom. So we are breaking it down to steps for

them to go in. And then once we've got that, we can then move on. And I do that

with every sort of part of the toileting in. So, recently, a child I was

working with, was a 15-year-old who hadn't been able to, wipe their bottom.

Charmaine Champ: They

were able to progress with lots of the other skills, but it was the wiping of

the bottom that they were really struggling with. , So I was able to put in

lots of fun activities that we were doing, lots of different [00:06:00] ways of approaching it, and we'd broken it

down and, I met with the family recently and they said, they said, I'll be

honest.

Charmaine Champ: When

we started this, I could not see how what I was doing was ever gonna go to

actually sitting on the toilet and wiping. Whereas now they're independently

going into the toilet, sitting on the toilet, which they couldn't do before.

They're avoiding sitting and they're wiping their own bottom,

Charmaine Champ: I

can't believe that that actually is possible. When we started I was just like,

this is what we want, but no idea. And it was just lots of, making it fun for

the child , and the family, and giving them that ongoing support. And I suppose

that's why I do the one-to-ones, but also my groups as well, because it just

gives the families that support that they're not on their own.

Charmaine Champ: And

naturally we can do it together, but it's just, breaking it down. And that sort

of comes from [00:07:00] with the Queen's

Nursing Institute, award that I got. That's what it comes from really, that I

just make sure everything I do is broken down to make it easy and

understandable.

Natalie Tealdi: make

such a difference. Really good.

Natalie Tealdi: what

are some of the most common challenges the families you work with Face.

Charmaine Champ: It

varies, but it tends to have some sort of poo connection. going Long periods of

time of not passing a poo or only passing a poo in a certain place or at a

certain time, or only passing a poo in a nappy or a pull up. Avoiding the

school toilets, that type of thing.

Charmaine Champ: Like

your wee accidents as well in the day or the night. It's a real mixture.

there's The smearing side of things, like with the poo. Sometimes with the

pica. So pica obviously incorporates all different types of eating inedible

objects or things. But it can include poo within that side of things as well.

Natalie Tealdi: I

think it's a really common issue, isn't [00:08:00]

it?

Charmaine Champ:

Definitely.

Victoria Bennion:

We've actually received, quite a lot of questions about it. 'cause it's

definitely an area that parents are struggling with.

Charmaine Champ:

There's such mixed information out there as well, so I think don't think that

helps.

Victoria Bennion: no,

not at all.

Victoria Bennion:

Let's share the questions we've received

Natalie Tealdi: can

do. Do you have any tips for parents with children who are withholding.

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah. So. When our children are withholding it's quite a big issue that's

happening. It's not just one particular area that we need to look at, but what

I always recommend is that we start inside the body first. So, so often I'll

see on different groups or different chat rooms and different device that

families have shared, it's all about, just sit the child on the toilet, then

they won't withhold or all you need to do is just you need to get a chair, a

sticker chart or a reward chart.

Charmaine Champ: But

If a child is withholding poo or wee, there's always a reason. And what we are

seeing that withholding is [00:09:00] their way

of saying, this is a bit tricky for me at the moment. I'm not able to do that

and I might need a little bit of help. So that's where we do our, almost like

detective investigating side of things and looked to see what might be making

our children.

Charmaine Champ:

Withhold so that's why we always start from the inside first, so we are looking

at our children's, wee and poo patterns, for instance, or their drinking

patterns.

Charmaine Champ:

That's almost like a window. To our inside chi, our children's inside body. So

that then tells us, how often are they weeing? How often are they pooing? How

many drinks are they having in a day? What types of drinks are they having? or

like with the poo, it's what is the type according to the Bristol stool chart?

Charmaine Champ:

Because these are all they seem like really small things, but when we join all

those dots together or join it all up together, it tell what's happening inside

the body and then [00:10:00] we know where to

start. So. If we just start with, sitting on the toilet on these times, It's

not gonna work because our children may be struggling inside their body with,

their wees or their poos. They may be struggling with that and actually you're

just gonna get more and more resistance or. More and more upset, or they just

may become really dysregulated

Charmaine Champ: do

you know what I mean? And it's just so we have to start from where our

children. What's happening inside and then we can move.

Natalie Tealdi: I

think it's quite a stressful issue for parents too, isn't it? Because it can

make you feel quite anxious if they're withholding and it's been a certain

number of days, and then you start to worry about, what impact that has on.

Their body. It's an area that there isn't much help with.

Natalie Tealdi: I

think we've certainly be given, the advice of sitting them on the toilet a

certain time every day and giving Movicol, and that's about it.

Charmaine Champ: But

we need to look at the underlying reason why, and then I always find that if we

[00:11:00] know why it's happening, then. It's

almost like we come from a different stance because if we don't know why, it's

almost just sit on the toilet. Why is it so difficult to sit on the toilet?

Charmaine Champ:

Don't do who's in the nappy or don't do them in the, don't do it behind the

sofa, please, or don't do it in my blanket box. Just please do it on the

toilet. It's just the toilet. But it's really hard for our children and I think

if we're coming from a different point, that we can then see that, it isn't our

children's fault and it isn't our fault as parents either. It's, everybody's

doing the best they can in those situations.

Natalie Tealdi: Can

it be that they're not recognizing the physical signs.

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, so, so often our children need to actually feel when their rectum, which

is where the poo is stored is...

Creating Inclusive Holidays for Neurodivergent Families with Karen Mason

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Karen Mason to the show.

Biography

Karen Mason grew up in Hertfordshire with five brothers and built a 35-year career with Bourne Leisure, one of the UK’s leading holiday park operators. Alongside her professional journey, she supported three neurodivergent family members and cared for her father through dementia. These personal experiences highlighted the lack of support for neurodivergent families in holiday parks. Driven to make a difference, Karen founded My Safe Place, combining her industry expertise with her passion for inclusion. Her mission is to create safe, welcoming environments for all families to enjoy accessible and stress-free holidays.

Key Takeaways

Understanding Personal Experiences: Karen Mason's journey emphasises the importance of personal experiences in shaping her understanding of neurodivergent needs and challenges.

The Importance of Inclusion: Karen's mission with My Safe Place focuses on creating inclusive environments that cater specifically to the needs of neurodivergent families.

Recognising the Need for Support: The lack of support for neurodivergent families in holiday settings highlights a significant gap in accessibility and understanding within the hospitality industry.

Creating Safe Spaces: Karen's work is dedicated to fostering safe, welcoming spaces that allow families to enjoy stress-free holidays together.

Industry Expertise Meets Compassion: Karen combines her professional background in the holiday sector with her passion for inclusion, showcasing how expertise can drive meaningful change.

Mentioned in This Episode

www.mysafeplacesouthern.co.uk

Connect with Karen

Email: karen@mysafeplacesouthern.co.uk

Facebook: @mysafeplacesouthern

Instagram: @mysafeplacesouthernuk

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Creating Inclusive Holidays for Neurodivergent Families with Karen Mason

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Welcome to the podcast. Karen,

Karen Mason: Thanks.

Victoria Bennion: could you start by talking us through your journey to starting my safe place please?

Karen Mason: Yeah, sure. So I've actually worked in the park industry, holiday parks for over 35 years now, and worked in various roles operationally, managing parks, all sort of jobs. I decided about 18 months ago after an episode supporting my brother and his neurodivergent children that I wanted to pivot where I was in the business and help and encourage parks to become more inclusive when it came to neurodivergent guests.

So I literally stopped what I was doing and. Spent now researching, talking to lots of families, working with local charities, and my Safe place evolved. And here we are. We're to ready to [00:01:00] go.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh, that's brilliant. Excellent. I understand you pivoted overnight. Your business was it the experience with your nephew that was the catalyst for that?

Karen Mason: Absolutely. So my brother has three neurodivergent children that I've helped support over the years and the stress of that situation actually led to my brother being admitted to hospital 18 months ago. So I stepped in to help support the family in many different ways. And it was a conversation one day with my brother where I was saying, look you guys.

Need a holiday break. He just looked at me in disbelief, said where are we gonna go? Nowhere is geared up for us and we've tried to have two breaks on holiday parks and it failed and it was really stressful. And I just had a light bulb moment because I work in that industry and why hadn't I, it was so true that there isn't [00:02:00] accommodation that's safe and secure for neurodivergent families. There's no provision in terms of staff training, sensory areas, and I went to bed and I woke up the next day and I said to my husband, I'm setting up a new business and it's called My Safe Place, and this is what we're doing.

Natalie Tealdi: how brilliant. Yeah, I can talk from my experience really. 'cause we used to have a caravan of our own and we. He took our son, I think only a handful of times, but every time was really difficult. I think he got overexcited and it just ended up being a really stressful experience for us. And I think you've really tapped into a gap there because if they were better set up, then there'd be places to go when they're dysregulated and just having that more supportive environment, you don't feel like such an outsider.

Karen Mason: Absolutely. I've heard from so many families now I didn't realize it was such a problem actually to get [00:03:00] away. It evolved because originally I thought, okay, what can we do? Can we maybe just look at encouraging parks to maybe have a sensory room on site, and then you go one step further and think actually that's not enough.

The main feedback I had from families was accommodation that wasn't safe. They were worried about. Damage to the property. Various other things. So because I've helped design a lot of park homes in my career and I've got a strong connection with the manufacturers, I was able to go and sit with them and design a diverse, friendly unit.

Natalie Tealdi: Brilliant.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, could you talk to us about what that looks like?

Karen Mason: Okay, so it's still slightly under wraps a little bit at the moment. However it's say the heart of it really was based around safety. So I know a lot of the parents were saying the caravan doors and windows were not lockable, and so they. [00:04:00] Children were trying to escape. That was a big issue.

Things like in the kitchen, having safety door locks, the magnetic locks on the units. And we've also designed in things like robust furniture. With rounded edges. We've got flooring that's stain resistant. So all the things that as a mother, you'd be panicking a little bit about,

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Karen Mason: The safety.

And then we are going to be having, bedroom will be a purely sensory bedroom. So we'll have a safe bed in there and we'll have, a unit and various other items so that if the child is, needing to regulate you don't have to actually leave the accommodation, you can. You can just relax. And one of the main things I wanted was for the master bedroom and en suite to feel [00:05:00] comfortable and luxurious because let's face it, as parents, you need a break. You need to feel like you're at a holiday. So I didn't wanna design the unit so it looked like an accessible unit or clinical.

It still would very much suit. Young children because it's got a lot of safety measures.

Natalie Tealdi: Sounds

Victoria Bennion: I think it's, yeah. It's great that you've actually spoken to families and you've used that to inform the changes. 'cause they. Sound so well thought out.

Karen Mason: Yeah. I was really lucky as well to have worked with local charity, diverse abilities. They've been incredible. We spent some time with them talking to the staff. We actually did a photo shoot with them for our new website. So the feedback was great.

It's difficult, 'cause one size doesn't fit all. 'cause as you'll be aware, each child is so different. But I just wanted. To have some provision. 'cause something's better than nothing at all. So even if a [00:06:00] park doesn't have all of the provisions that I would like, if they maybe didn't have the accommodation but had the sensory room or a sensory garden and we did some staff training, that would be music to my ears.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think a big part of it is building that awareness, isn't it, as well, and the training's such a big part of that.

Karen Mason: Yeah, I'm actually working with a training provider who specializes in activities for neurodivergent children. Because again, on some of the larger sites where they have entertainments and activities we decided the training we needed.

Introduction to neuro diversity for seasonal staff and part-timers. Then we'd have training activity team leaders, management, and we would like them to have a site ambassador who is responsible for [00:07:00] overseeing all of the above. And if they tick those boxes that we then would benchmark them. Be part of our accreditation scheme that we'd like to roll out.

Natalie Tealdi: Brilliant.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Fantastic.

Natalie Tealdi: And you mentioned your modular sensory garden rooms. Could you tell us more about that

Karen Mason: so in the early days, because my husband is from a background of construction we. wanted to build sensory rooms for people at home actually in the garden. Because I felt if we'd had that for my brother and his children it would've had a more positive effect. Or we could have separated my nephew away from the main household hold.

So we started designing modular garden rooms and. We've just finished a sensory room for our local council, BCP council. And that actually was for a preschool charity where they are dealing with children before they get into school to [00:08:00] support 'em with their needs and the families.

So we've just finished a lovely little sensory room for them and we had a lovely time with them at their open event. We'd like to do more modular sensory rooms whether it be for local authorities or a family or a charity. They can be designed to any space size.

Natalie Tealdi: Sounds great.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It really sounds so positive for families as such a needed change. So what's it been like working with the local authorities and the charities

Karen Mason: The contact with BCP came via a referral and they were really great actually. And how they've supported the local charity, which is Dingles Promise. We had quite a a small window. They came to us and said, look, we need a room very quickly built within the six weeks summer holidays, ready for the kids in September. So yeah, off we went. Talking to manufacturers and thankfully managed to deliver.

Natalie Tealdi: brilliant.

Karen Mason: So yeah, we hope to do more. We're really pleased and we do turnkey package. So we design and build a sensory room, [00:09:00] and we also supply all the internal sensory kit. If that's what's required.

Victoria Bennion: That's so good. A really good idea. What mistakes do you see?

Karen Mason: From my experience, again, one size doesn't fit all. However you can go into a sensory room and sometimes it's just so overwhelming and I find it too much, let alone, the people using it. A lot of the bigger commercial companies that do sensory rooms, they offer some fantastic products, but quite often they're not always well thought out of in terms of the setting and the people that are gonna be using them.

I always try and just extract that information and have not the sensory overload and split it up into, maybe having a quieter area. As well, rather than trying to just put everything in one, one room. So yeah, it's just about listening to the client really.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I know from personal experience, we've used a sensory room before at an airport and it [00:10:00] wasn't very well thought out. There was some broken things in there and things that weren't switched on, and it just, it felt a bit like it was just a place to shove people who were struggling rather than it being an actual well thought out facility.

Karen Mason: It doesn't have to be all singing or dancing and costing thousands of pounds. A colleague of mine had to do an audit on a local business. And they advertise, they have a sensory room, which actually it turned out to be again. Like what you are saying, not the nicest of rooms with some broken furniture and really just a bubble lamp.

However, in that moment of meltdown, that bubble lamp totally helped regulate my colleague son. Sometimes it's just the simple, small things which is better than nothing.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. So how could local authorities or charities benefit from getting involved in your scheme? And if they wanted to, how would they do that?

Karen Mason: I had [00:11:00] a meeting this week with one of our local mps Vicki Slate, who is very pro neurodivergency and send and is working very hard locally to help schools and support families. And we were discussing, that schools and nurseries, again, really could benefit from just a small sensory area away from the main school building, and that our modular setups are ideal for that purpose.

Vic is actually encouraging us now to contact as many local schools as possible. To share what we're doing to help support the children because we all know there's limited places in especially settings.

We're just gonna try and get the word out there. And we'd like to work with as many local authorities and charities as possible.

Victoria Bennion: Excellent. Yeah. How can we and anyone listening to this podcast help you in your quest?

Karen Mason: I think if. Your listen could go to our website. We have a [00:12:00] sign up for the holidays so that once we've got parks on board, we can notify families that there's gonna be neuro divergent friendly settings. Because one of the biggest battles for me at the moment is convincing the parks there's a need. So I. Can sit to blue in the face, giving them the statistics that I have nationally, and the numbers go into the millions. However, obviously a lot of the parts are just looking at this as a commercial transaction, which I get. They keep asking me, but what do the numbers look like? How many families would they actually be interested, Karen, if we provided this?

So I'd just love to hear from your listeners and families whether they want to email me or sign up or phone me. Perfect.

Victoria Bennion: that's excellent. We'll put all your details in the show notes that anybody who wants to get in contact can and [00:13:00] get on the wait list, which I imagine there's gonna be a lot for people. 'cause this sounds so good.

Karen Mason: Yeah, I hope so. I am in the early stage of talking to some of the major park groups. And I'm hoping that at least a couple of those will move forward. And if they do with the amount of parks they have nationally, because my goal, albeit it might be a bit of a big ask, is to have at least one park in every county within the next 12 months.

So doesn't matter where the families are, they've got an option whether they just want to go 20 minutes up the road to the local park for a quick break, or they want to travel into a new area. And we're also talking to local authorities and charities about using the accommodation of the parks out of season.

So for respite care for occupational therapists who seem to absolutely love the idea. So yeah, the more support we get from the families, the better actually.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. I think there's a lot of us that don't [00:14:00] go away because it's too stressful and we don't even entertain the thought of it. Or I certainly myself have to gear myself up for it. Can I face it?

Karen Mason: Yeah,

Natalie Tealdi: Because it's a lot more work and it's a lot more stress.

Karen Mason: Yeah. I actually had a mom message me a couple of months ago. I put something out on social media about what we're doing. She messaged me to say, Karen, we are currently. A holiday setting holiday. And she said, we've been here two days and we are already thinking of packing up and coming home because it's so stressful.

The accommodation is so unsafe. And she said, I'm exhausted. It's been like a military operation getting us here, and it just doesn't feel at the moment worth it. And I thought, that is so sad, it shouldn't be that way. And let's hope in the next few months we make a difference.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: sure you will. I, is that lead up as well? Like you said she felt it'd been a military operation. I know. We certainly have that when we're going [00:15:00] away. There's so much preparation that we have to do for my son to get him there in the first place. And the last time we went on holiday, he was so upset just by the change.

He wanted to call the police because we were taking him away. I know. Not a good start to the holiday and was saying to my husband, some families are probably really excited at this point, getting ready to go on holiday and we're being threatened with the police

Karen Mason: I know that sounds familiar.

Victoria Bennion: You certainly want to get there and then to have a good time and it order up and worth it for everybody, don't you? Which is what you are going to help people

Karen Mason: And also I'm trying to deal with a variety of different park settings. So obviously there's the big or dancing parks, which is not ideal for everybody, but obviously they have great facilities, swimming pools, et cetera. And I think if you've got two or three children, you need to accommodate everybody.

But I also deal with. Smaller family run parks and small [00:16:00] glamping sites. So I'm working with a glamping manufacturer. We've designed something so that, somewhere that's peaceful in a quiet countryside setting, that's not gonna trigger. But with all of the parks to be part of our scheme, we will be doing a social story.

So like you're with your. Six months before.

Victoria Bennion: Perfect. Perfect. We certainly have to do that. I usually make a book and there's no room for spontaneity when we go away. Every day is planned out. If we're going on a trip, it's booked so that it can go into the social story so that he can prepare himself. In advance and then look at it in the morning.

So we certainly had, when we went on holiday last time, there was a morning, he was completely paralyzed, couldn't get out of bed, couldn't eat, [00:17:00] and I said, would you like to look at the book? Would you like to see what we're doing today? And when he could see that social story of what today looks like, then he could breathe, then...

Every Pair Tells a Story

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast reflect on attending the peaceful protest Every Pair Tells a Story, led by The SEND Sanctuary.

Key Takeaways

The Every Pair Tells a Story protest shone a light on thousands of children across the UK who have been left without the education or support they deserve.
Each pair of shoes represented a child and the pain, resilience, and determination of the families standing behind them.
Parents and carers united peacefully to demand accountability, compassion, and systemic change.
The stories of children like Archie, Harper, Izzy, Lucas, and Jackson highlighted the devastating human cost of a broken system.
Long waiting lists, inconsistent support, and poor understanding within schools continue to fail neurodivergent children.

Mentioned in This Episode

The SEND Nurture Network

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion:

Welcome back to the Autism Mums podcast. Thank you for joining us for today's

episode, which is both a bit emotional and I think quite historic.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I mean, last Monday across England and Scotland, parents and carers came

together for a peaceful protest called Every Pair Tells a Story.

Victoria Bennion:

Pairs of shoes were laid outside council buildings, and each pair represented a

child who's been failed by the education and support systems. Whether that's

been waiting for years for an assessment, missing out on a school place, or

being left without help.

Natalie Tealdi: This

movement led by the Send Sanctuary is about visibility and accountability. It's

about family showing through the quiet power of empty shoes. That our children

deserve better.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah. And we went along to support the protest, didn't we? Nat, which was

outside Dorsett County Council at County Hall in Dorchester. And I dunno about

you, but I did find it really moving. [00:01:00]

I think there were more than 70 pairs of shoes laid outside those council

offices and each pair of shoes represented a child who's been let down by the

system in some way, which I don't know.

Victoria Bennion:

It's really sad. And I think thinking of the shoes as a symbol, they were

really powerful. They represent. The steps that our children should be taking

into school with friendships, with independence, and yet so many can't because

the system just keeps letting them down.

Natalie Tealdi: I

mean, it was so powerful sort of seeing them all laid out and thinking, gosh,

thinking about what that rep represents, like 70 pairs of shoes for 70

children. I mean, yeah, it was quite

Victoria Bennion:

it's shocking and when you see it visually like that, that's the amount of

children who maybe aren't in school or are traumatized by school,

Natalie Tealdi:

that's only in Dorset

Victoria Bennion:

That's only in Dorset it. And when you buy [00:02:00]

those shoes, I don't know if you can remember when you bought your children's

first shoes for school, there is quite a lot of excitement.

Victoria Bennion: You

have so much hope. And then when your child doesn't go to school, these shoes

and you know, for a lot of us, the whole uniforms, they stay there new and

actually what they become is like. That symbol of hope and excitement in the

beginnings are replaced by, feelings of exclusion, waiting, disappointment,

sadness for your child that they can't access something that all their peers

can.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

and I think it's sad for them too because they want to be able to access those

things and they can't.

Victoria Bennion:

It's so much more than the education. It's, the missed friendships. It's the

skills that they don't get to develop. It's the emotional toll on not just the

children, but the families of these children.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I dunno about you, but I could sort of feel the sadness in the air

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: that

you know, it, it [00:03:00] was very peaceful

and it was calm and we were all coming together in unity. 'cause we all have

very. Similar stories.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, a hundred percent. I think particularly when families came along to add

their shoes to the collection of shoes outside, it was definitely felt very

sad, and it was a really peaceful day. I mean, the organizers from the SEND

Sanctuary, Aimee, she made it clear that it was about. The loss, the

frustration, and the unity that you mentioned and not anger and yeah, you could

definitely feel that.

Natalie Tealdi: It

was a really sort of proud moment. I mean, it's nice to get together with other

parents who have gone through the same thing. 'cause you, we all have similar

stories and we're on this journey together and exchanging tips and just general

support really standing together.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, you're definitely among people who get it, and that is encouraging in

some way. I mean, it was so busy, wasn't it? We were a little bit involved in

the [00:04:00] organization of the doorstep

part of it, and it was a really busy run up to the event. There were parents

and carers in our group who. Oh my gosh.

Victoria Bennion:

They put so much work into this from running around and collecting shoes from

various drop off points, even collecting from families to make sure that all

those families who couldn't attend were represented. And that's the tricky

thing about these protests, isn't it? Because if your child doesn't have a

school place because they've been failed, you're not necessarily gonna be able

to come to a protest.

Victoria Bennion:

Which is why I think it's so important that. We could be there. So we were

there just to represent them.

Natalie Tealdi:

That's it. I mean, my son was in school and my youngest was with Granny for

that time, so I could be there. But yeah, it's I think it's really important

for us.

Victoria Bennion:

That's right. And I think we're at that place. For some of our children where

we've been through this process and we are lucky enough to have [00:05:00] two of them in specialist schools. And my

daughter's old enough that she was able to come with us while she's waiting for

a school place.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

definitely. Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So

I don't know if you got a chance to look over the shoes, but all the families

added a tag to each pair of shoes with the child's name that they represented.

And then some of these also had the story of each child, which was really quite

poignant. Did you get to read any of them?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

I did. Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: On

the way over to the protest, I stopped in at Nikki's Little Play Cafe in

Dorchester, which was one of the drop-off points. And Nikki told me the story.

Victoria Bennion: She

gave me one of the pairs of shoes and she said there were from a girl who'd

been so let down by the system and was in a school that. Was so wrong for her

and they couldn't cope with her that she'd been unable to take her GCSEs.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

gosh.

Victoria Bennion:

When you looked at the tags, there were so many heartbreaking stories on them.

Victoria Bennion: I

mean, maybe we should some of them when you read the stories, [00:06:00] it really brings home the problems that

there are.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

definitely. I read a story about a 12-year-old boy called Archie, who had been

told there was nothing wrong with him in primary school. He was just labeled as

sensitive. So in year seven, he was diagnosed with a DHD. Attending school was

really challenging for him, and one day they got him in, but he was sent home

because he had the wrong style of shoes.

Natalie Tealdi: And

then the doctor asked for a reduced timetable, but the school. Forced him to

build this up to full-time in six weeks and told, they were told if he missed a

day, this privilege would be taken away. And it's resulted in him refusing to

go to school out of fear of being ashamed.

Victoria Bennion: Oh

my God. These poor children.

Natalie Tealdi: If

the schools could be a bit more flexible and a bit more understanding. That

could mean that he could attend if they could be a bit more flexible with the

timetable. I think they're so focused on [00:07:00]

these attendance.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, the focus Is in the wrong place.

Natalie Tealdi: yes.

Victoria Bennion: I

know one of the tanks that I read just said, failed children Become broken

adults. And that really hit home for me because that is what we're talking

about. There was another story that I read about a girl called Harper who was

diagnosed with a ASD and A DHD after waiting two years for her assessments, and

her parent and carer had written the EHCP herself because she said the

teacher's version was so inaccurate.

Victoria Bennion: And

then the new teacher didn't follow it, and she said, as a result of the lack of

support, her child is completely unable to access learning in the classroom.

Natalie Tealdi: It's

shocking, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah it is.

Natalie Tealdi: I

read another one about an 11-year-old girl called Izzy, who's autistic, ADHD,

OCD, and PDA. She reached burnout at seven years old and was signed off school

'cause of her mental health. Her parents and carers have been fighting for her

right to an education [00:08:00] for all of

this time and have failed to get support.

Victoria Bennion: I

just think what is going wrong? Why is a child of seven being left without

access to education for like these most important years of her life?

Victoria Bennion:

Another story that I came across was a 14-year-old boy called Lucas, who was

diagnosed with autism and anxiety, and he was suffering from trauma through

having attended mainstream school and his family had been forced to prove how

unwell he was and then had to go through the pain of watching him struggle

further as he was failed by the system.

Victoria Bennion: And

I know this is something that we talk about. Why do our children have to get to

the point where they fully break? And families and everyone around them have to

watch that happen before they get support. It's just not good enough.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

it is not right.

Natalie Tealdi:

Jackson age six who had SD and I found that schools couldn't meet his needs.

They were more focused on keeping an attendance score, Saying [00:09:00] his lateness due to meltdowns was

affecting the whole class learning. They wouldn't allow a reduced timetable or

support him with any EHCP, so his parents felt he had no choice but to home

educate.

Victoria Bennion:

That should be a choice. Home education. It shouldn't be a last resort that a

parent is pushed into because if you're trying to work I don't know his

parents' situation, but perhaps they had to give up jobs. You hear this all the

time and it's just so wrong.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

it's these stories that really make it hit home. There are just so many of

them, so many families whose lives are being affected.

Victoria Bennion:

They're not isolated cases unfortunately, and it's happening everywhere. And

Dorsett was just one of the counties that was represented. There were thousands

of pairs of shoes, and that's what this movement. Has been trying to show it's

the scale of this crisis and also the human cost behind it.

Natalie Tealdi: It

really does have an impact, and when you see those rows of shoes lined up, it

hopefully it's [00:10:00] impossible to ignore.

I mean, there were 97 locations around the UK represented. It's a silent

protest, but hopefully it speaks louder than any words could.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah, I think Carmen McConnell, who coordinated our local hub, she did an

amazing job of bringing everyone together and she's doing really great work

campaigning to get our children the education they deserve. I.

Natalie Tealdi: She

definitely is. And parents and carers dropped in at various points throughout

the day. Some nipping out of work on their lunch breaks.

Victoria Bennion:

That was really lovely to see. I had chatted with a couple of grandparents who

said that their daughter was at work, but had asked them to bring the shoes.

And that's how important it is to people. That's how affected they are. It was

great to see some of the local groups in our area represented.

Victoria Bennion:

There was. People from ASDivas and Dudes Fix SEND Dorset Ascape who do great

work as well, and the SEND nurture network.

Natalie Tealdi: It

was great to have some coverage from the press as well. Radio interviews took

place with BBC Dorset and Greatest Hits Radio Dorset [00:11:00]

and Dorset Echo joined us for interviews and photographs, so that really helped

to raise awareness.

Victoria Bennion:

It's fair to say that it's not as comfortable to give these interviews about.

Our children, I know we've discussed before, how much do you feel comfortable

sharing about your child? And then I know we both concluded that it is

important to highlight these issues as I know you were quoted at the daughter

Echo, talking about your son?

Victoria Bennion: And

the struggles that he used to have at mainstream. But I do think that it's

important that these issues are highlighted other parents are gonna be able to

relate to them, but also just to raise awareness that , this is a really

important issue.

Victoria Bennion: A

complete overhaul of the system is really needed

Victoria Bennion:

and, and early screenings are. So for early screenings.

Natalie Tealdi: Yes,

me too. Early screenings and more training for teachers so that they have the

specialist knowledge. I think all teachers should have the same knowledge as

specialist teachers do.

Victoria Bennion:

Yeah,

Natalie Tealdi: [00:12:00] really do.

Victoria Bennion: I

can't remember. It's such a minimal amount of training they get, isn't it,

Natalie Tealdi: was

it less than a day

Natalie Tealdi: in

the whole degree?

Victoria Bennion: And

that's not fair on anyone. It's not fair on them. It's not fair on their class,

Natalie Tealdi: No,

I'm not blaming teachers at all. I just think that, you know, with the

awareness of autism so much greater, they need to have those skills to be able

to support them.

Natalie Tealdi: and

Natalie Tealdi: if

they can't, you know, that's gonna make them stressed.

Victoria Bennion:

yeah, we spoke to that counselor who came down Sturminster Newton, didn't we?

And she was really keen, she said, to listen and to understand more about what

families are going through and actually her presence and her saying that gave

me hope that, that we are raising awareness

Natalie Tealdi: I

really hope so. I think now that we're all working together, it was such a

national movement that really should make a difference. We don't want special

treatment, do we? We just want our children to be able to access education so

that they can reach their potential and not become that tag. 'cause it said

broken adults.

Victoria Bennion:

hundred , it's not [00:13:00] about blame here,

but it is about accountability and it is about change. Every child deserves an

education that meets their needs, and families shouldn't have to fight for

years and years

Natalie Tealdi: I've

seen headlines today about how councils are going into bankruptcy, or they're

so in debt and they're saying it's because of the send transport budget and how

overspent they are with that, that they're really looking at it all wrong

because if they had the education system in place in the first place, or more

specialist schools.

Natalie Tealdi: In

areas so kids didn't have to travel so far, then it would resolve that issue.

Victoria Bennion:

That's one of the...

Navigating the Waiting Game: Essential Tips for Parents of Kids with Autism

Tue, 04 Nov 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we discuss the challenges faced by parents navigating the waiting period for their child's autism diagnosis. We explore strategies for gathering evidence, advocating for support, and managing the differences in behaviour between home and school settings. With practical tips and personal insights, we aim to empower parents to take proactive steps during this often frustrating and isolating time.

Key Takeaways

Understanding the Waiting Game: Many parents face the challenge of navigating the waiting period for their child's autism diagnosis, often feeling isolated and unsure of the next steps.

Coping at Home vs. School: Children may present differently at school compared to home, leading to discrepancies in support. It’s vital to gather evidence of behaviours at home to advocate effectively.

Gathering Evidence: Documenting your child's struggles through video recordings or diaries can provide crucial evidence when communicating with schools and professionals.

Utilising School Resources: Engage with schools to explore options like re-engagement sessions, youth workers, or alternative therapies that can provide support and evidence for assessments.

Professional Input Matters: Involving various professionals—such as therapists, tutors, and behavioural nurses—can strengthen your case for support and diagnosis by offering diverse perspectives on your child's needs.

Stay Proactive: Regularly follow up with schools and professionals regarding assessments, and don’t hesitate to reach out to your MP if you encounter significant delays in the process.

Explore Alternative Routes: Consider different pathways for assessments, such as CAMHS or private assessments, which may have shorter waiting times compared to traditional routes.

Community Support: Connecting with other parents and support groups can provide invaluable advice and encouragement during the challenging waiting period.

Self-Care for Parents: Acknowledge the emotional toll that waiting for a diagnosis can take, and we really recommend prioritising self-care to maintain your well-being while advocating for your child.

Resource Recommendations: Explore recommended books and resources that can provide further insight and support for navigating autism-related challenges.

Mentioned in This Episode

The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

Raising The SEN-Betweeners by Lisa Lloyd

Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

The Girl with the Curly Hair by Alis Rowe

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Navigating the Waiting Game: Essential Tips for Parents of Kids with Autism

Natalie Tealdi: [00:00:00] in this episode, we discuss the challenges faced by parents navigating the waiting period for their child's autism diagnosis. We explore

strategies for gathering evidence, advocating for support, and

managing the differences in behavior between home and school

settings.

Practical tips and personal

insights. We want parents to know that we get how frustrating and

isolating this time can be. It really can be so hard, but there are

things you can do to feel more empowered, and we are going to share

some of this with you today.

Victoria

Bennion: That's right. And we really hope it makes a

difference to you.

Natalie

Tealdi: So I've had a few conversations this week with

parents who have children who are in that in-between stage where

they're waiting for a diagnosis and , they're not attending school

and they're stuck. They have no support and they're not really sure

what to do. And I think that's one of the hardest.

Parts. One of the families the

child is at school and seemingly coping at school, but [00:01:00]

at home really not coping at all. And then there seems to be a

barrier of support there because there's no diagnosis. And then

another has been off school for, I think it was two years

Victoria

Bennion: Two.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah. And then waiting for a specialist placement,

denied one and then left

Victoria

Bennion: What?

Natalie

Tealdi: I know with the parent not really knowing what to

do. So I thought it might be helpful to talk around what you can do

in those situations

so we talked about eh, HCPs

and the fact that you can do a parental

one,

we've talked about before,

haven't we? And I think, but the key thing here is the evidence. So

the, stumbling block is if school aren't seeing those behaviors, if

they're masking or if they're keeping it all in, what can they do?

Victoria

Bennion: So I've spoken to people in the past where this

has been an issue. This is a really common issue,

Their approaches both of those

was to video their children when they were having meltdowns and show

the school that might be what you see, but this is what we see.

This is how they're [00:02:00]

struggling. And I know certainly for one of my friends, that was

really key in the school changing their perception of how the child

was coping and. Putting in extra support and supporting a diagnosis

at that point, my friend didn't have a diagnosis for a child.

Natalie

Tealdi: Right. That's a really good tip.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah,

Natalie

Tealdi: I think when it comes to eh HCPs, it's getting the

evidence, isn't it? Wherever you can,

Victoria

Bennion: There's different ways you can do it. This did

come up, I was talking to someone this week about how do you get

evidence maybe if your child's not in school and there's nobody else

except the parent to. Observe these behaviors and these struggles,

and it caused me to reflect on what I've done.

Both of my children, it was

like a bit of an explosion and it all happened very fast. Both of

them, it was e HCPs, running alongside school difficulties and being

on the pathway to be assessed. With one of my children, she changed

schools. So this school she was currently at, they didn't know her.

They had really nothing at

that [00:03:00] point, she was unable to

attend school because she couldn't cope there. That was just over a

year. She was offered to go on re-engagement sessions at the school.

Sometimes some schools will put something in place, and this was at

her old school, so she felt comfortable there to attend. That gave

the new school, or at least a couple of members of staff. An

opportunity to get to know her a bit and to make their own opinion.

It did not help reengage her in school, but it did help that evidence

trail. And actually, I think it was really crucial because one of

them, when it came to going through the EHCP process. member of staff

who was in the engagement sessions talked to the educational

psychologist, and she was able to say that my child was masking

highly and she only needed to say a little bit, but it gave weights

otherwise we had nothing to show.

Something I asked for at the

time was the horse course. I'd [00:04:00]

heard it talked about before in the community as being a good option

if you've got a child with anxiety. I was having to have regular

meetings about my child's non-attendance. So I asked if it would be

possible for them to beep, put forward for the horse course, which

they agreed readily. That took place over a week.

Then there was a report at the

end of it, and then we had that additional evidence.

The school put in place a

youth worker who met with my child once a week. So that's another

person that's involved with your child who can have input into things

like eh, HCPs. Even the diagnosis process potentially, rather than,

again, just a parent saying, my child's struggling.

We took my child to see a

psychotherapist. So again, another professional we tried, cams were

rejected in the first instance because of the re-engagement sessions

with the school, interestingly.

The GP had to refer again once

those sessions had finished, because it was, felt that my child was

getting support through those [00:05:00]

sessions because they included art therapy and things like that

But once my child had the

sessions with cams, when those sessions were taking place when the

EHCP needs assessment was taking place. I funded some tutoring for my

child. At the beginning of the year, for a few months in.

There was the tutor's

observations of her behavior, how my child liked to learn, those kind

of things. We were able then to draw on those different perspectives

and we did do that quite quickly. We've done that over the last year.

So going from a place of probably the person you're talking about,

that there's no evidence, how can I do an EHCP to actually finding

those different

Natalie

Tealdi: can pull together

things, can't you? I know that

I've done in the past I've kept a diary with dates of what's been

going on at home, and that can be used as evidence as well. And if

you are having meetings with the school. There's minutes taken from

these meetings and you can request those and use those as evidence as

well.

So it all helps build up a

picture.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah, that's such good [00:06:00]

ideas.

You need to do everything you

can to evidence what's going on.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, exactly. It's not just, oh, well they're

fine when they're at school and they're not at home. And that's the

end of it. It's up to us, isn't it? To dig deeper.

Victoria

Bennion: yes it is I would say I don't think it can hurt

to have. Opinions of different professionals. So if you're seeing a

behavioral nurse, if

Natalie

Tealdi: yeah,

Victoria

Bennion: you've got those professionals involved at

meetings, at school, their opinions, they all count. Social workers,

anything, it can just help form a picture.

But those that have to make

the decision,

Natalie

Tealdi: And for anyone who's just stuck at home, it's

chasing up the council,

Victoria

Bennion: yes.

Natalie

Tealdi: your MP involved if it's really not moving.

what's really worked for us,

isn't it?

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah we've been really lucky, but getting the MPS

involved was really helpful. . I know something we've talked about

before, but if you are applying for an HCP and a parental one all

through the school, it's really a [00:07:00]

good idea to know those dates.

They give you the outline of

the dates that they will get things back to you.

Mark it in your calendar and

don't be afraid to chase up. You don't have to chase up horribly if

you're worried, but just inquire and it puts your child back on their

radar. In my experience, they tend to check and give you an update.

There might be particular days

that the provisional leaders working. You can note that and try to

email on those days,

But drive the process as much

as you can.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria

Bennion: In my experience, that certainly helps.

Natalie

Tealdi: another thing that's come up for us is I am

starting the process with my youngest. To see if we need an

assessment. So we're right at the early stages there, but we're

seeing some behaviors that I think are a bit concerning. But I've

been told that the criteria now for putting them forward for

assessment is much stricter than it was.

And the reason I was given was

because there are so many people waiting. So they've made it

[00:08:00] stricter,

Victoria

Bennion: Well,

that makes sense.

Natalie

Tealdi: which really wound me up because. Obviously

There's more people that are being recognized as struggling and so

they're gonna make it harder for them to get support. I don't think

that's quite the right way round

here.

Victoria

Bennion: No, it really doesn't sound the right way round,

does it?

Natalie

Tealdi: No, not at all. So I'll report back.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah. Let us know how that's going. I do

sometimes wonder if the worse a child is suffering, the quicker

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah,

I think, the ones that hold it

in and seem to be coping okay, seem to get missed more because

they're not causing problems

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah, certainly

for one of my children who

held it in, it was only until they weren't holding it in anymore,

couldn't hold it in anymore, that everything kicked off and. I do

wonder with my other child if it's when they stopped attending school

and you've got that absence, building up that it's [00:09:00]

absolutely can't cope.

Explosion. It's such a shame

that children have to get to that point where they're in such a

state. You think of the damage that's already been done before they

get to that point

Natalie

Tealdi: It shouldn't be that way.

Victoria

Bennion: It comes back to the campaigns for early

screenings, for early support,

and what you are just talking

about is the opposite

really.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, I know, and, because as a parent, you're so

aware of the waiting list being so long that I'm quite aware. I don't

wanna get to the point, not that I'm saying we will, but if we did

get to that point where burnout happened or major mental breakdown,

you then have to go on to the beginning of that waiting list to get a

diagnosis, which just takes so long.

Victoria

Bennion: The waiting list for the pediatricians was 18

months to four years,

only a year ago. However, ,

there's more than one way. There's the right to choose. And if you

are under cams and Cams feel you need an assessment. They have their

own [00:10:00] NDAC team

that they can refer a child

to, and they will carry out the assessments and it was a much shorter

waiting list I think the waiting list at CAMS was around six months.

Then once you have your

appointments, I don't know how yours were with your child, but they

were much closer together, so it was a much shorter period of time.

So with my youngest child, who was the first one to go through the

process, the appointments took, it was from the November to the May.

There were appointments taking

place, and with my second child, it was maybe a couple of months.

So that's another thing for

parents and carers to consider. The other

routes.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria

Bennion: I've also heard of people going for a private

assessment and I know there's difficulties in this. So one of my

friends, her child. Needed an assessment for A DHD ' cause she needs

the support now.

She joined the list. And

again, it was a huge list and they didn't feel that they had the time

[00:11:00] to wait with the amount that

this child was struggling to attend school.

She needed support put in

place at school, which they found it hard to fight for without the

diagnosis. So they paid to go privately. They were lucky that they

could afford to do that, and that diagnosis helped get the support at

school and the accommodations that this child needed to be able to

attend.

What it didn't do, and you may

know this is

Medication can't be

prescribed, so that's just crazy to me. I don't understand that.

Natalie

Tealdi: I don't understand And usually they're the same

doctors that work privately as well as for the NHS.

So I really, it doesn't make

any sense

Victoria

Bennion: It doesn't, my friend was saying that her child

still has to stay on the waiting list for an A DHD assessment at the

hospital

So that she will be able to

get the medication she needs. Which just doubles up their...

Challenging Behaviours, A Late Autism Diagnosis and Motherness with Julie Green

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this episode Victoria and Natalie chat with Julie Green, author of Motherness, to explore the realities of parenting through autism both as a mum to an autistic son and as a woman who discovered her own autism later in life.

Biography

Key Takeaways

Autism in girls and women can look very different from the traditional stereotypes. Julie explains that while boys can be identified through visible traits like lining up toys or having clear special interests, girls may channel their autistic traits into more socially acceptable interests
Many girls mask their differences by copying peers
The importance of seeing challenging behaviour as communication, not defiance.
How self-compassion and reframing past experiences can heal years of misunderstanding and self-blame
The need for schools and systems to replace punishment with understanding and co-regulation.

Mentioned in This Episode

Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance

The Autistic Mom Substack

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible by Ross W Green

National Autistic Society

Connect with Julie Green

Website: juliemgreen.ca

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliem.green

Substack: https://theautisticmom.substack.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-m-green-34bb1845/

Connect with The Autism Mums

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

Transcript

Victoria Bennion:

[00:00:00] Today we are joined by author Julie Green, whose new book, mother Ness Explores

Life as both an autistic mom and the parent of an autistic son. We talk about

late diagnosis, what autism can look like in women and girls and navigating

challenging behavior.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: Welcome to the podcast, Julie. It's great to have you here.

Julie Green: Thanks for having me.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: So you are a mom to an autistic son, and you also discovered

later in life that you are also autistic. Can you start by telling us what led

you to consider that you might be autistic?

Julie Green: Oh my.

When I say it was a process, it took. Almost exactly 10 years, a very long

time. So needless to say, ooh, going back when my son was diagnosed at three I

didn't know much about autism generally, let alone. Autism in girls and women

and how that could look different. So it was very much a process.

Julie Green: The

information just wasn't even out there. It wasn't necessarily [00:01:00] that it wasn't on my radar. I don't even

really think you had Temple Grandin at that point. It was just, it was such a

learning curve just to learn about it with my son. And then. Every now and

then, I was just struck by these similarities, thinking, oh I was really

sensitive with clothing and oh, I was really certain noises and, the need for

routine.

Julie Green: So there

were some similarities with my son, but in a lot of respects, he was very much

the typical. Image that we have of a little boy, lining up the Thomas trains.

And that just did not really fit because I was fairly social. All these sort of

things. And then I think ultimately, I became involved in it was like the

blogging sphere back then, and I came across, I was writing about parenting and

I started to write about autism and our experiences, but I eventually did come

across an autistic woman through the community and got chatting with her and [00:02:00] realized in getting to know her that, oh,

okay, so this is this looks very different and.

Julie Green: She and

I were very similar, and that gradually led me to think, okay maybe I am also

autistic. And then again, took a little while longer for me to actually decide

to pursue being assessed. So at the time, even here in Canada, the wait list

wasn't that bad. I waited maybe a year through my GP and it was through our

oip, which I'm in Ontario, so our province has the equivalent of the NHS.

Julie Green: I

didn't, initially, I was thinking, oh, do I wanna go through with this and, pay

thousands of dollars and for what? Even if I am diagnosed, just, it was a lot

of, it was a long process, as I say, 10 years till it really fully clicked. It

clicked and then, officially got the diagnosis.

Julie Green: So I.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: Did it help you when you looked back at past events? Did it

make more [00:03:00] sense of your life?

Julie Green: Oh, enormously. 'cause I think a lot of people are like, why do this? I was 44, so

why do this? It's not as though you're going to really qualify for any. Any funding or any supports, but I just think on a personal level, it reframes so much of you. You go through this process and it can take months if not years.

Julie Green: I, there

are still moments where you're, there are these realizations that, oh, this

thing happened in the past and oh, that wasn't. Because I was difficult or too

sensitive or too demanding or, whatever other names people call you and you

internalize a lot of this. Baggage and a lot of these other labels, I mean our

kids do too.

Julie Green: This is

why I think it's important for kids to, to understand that they're wired

differently as opposed to, my son was coming home and going, oh, I'm bad, and

they, the kids will pick up on that, [00:04:00]

those differences and people will label you with other things. And so I grew up

internalizing a lot of these other labels, so having that new information.

Julie Green: Just

helped me have more compassion and understanding. And just like this process of

getting to know yourself in a different way, even in my forties. Doing a lot of

repair work, I think. And yeah just reframing a lot of the narratives that I

had grown up thinking these things were personality flaws.

Julie Green: And also

just thinking, why the heck am I like that? Why do I need so much recovery

time? Why can't I do the things other people can do so easily? Why do I have

all this social confusion? So it just allows this framework to, to help you

understand yourself and, I don't think you can Yeah.

Julie Green: Put to

find a point on that. It's, it makes a radical difference at any age, but I. I

think it's worthwhile. I've had people come to me now and say I think a woman

in her seventies [00:05:00] or in her sixties

saying, yeah, this is finally occurring to me. And I don't think it's, I don't

think there's a time limit on that if it helps you reappraise yourself and feel

better about yourself.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: So would say your life has changed since your diagnosis?

Julie Green: Yeah.

Oh, absolutely.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: I've had a son and a daughter just go through the process

son's younger and his struggles were very apparent, and when I was given a book

by a pediatrician, when he was waiting for assessment, I looked down the

checklist and I was like, oh, that's what this is.

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: But I didn't have the same revelation with my daughter when

we were going through the process. Uh, you mentioned lining up the toys, like

Thomas the tank engine, my son lined up cars But she didn't and he had delayed

speech and she had very advanced speech.

Julie Green: I mean,

it's a spectrum, but people still don't quite grasp it. I think so. Even within

boys, you know, there are things that my son [00:06:00]

was. Doing wasn't doing. there's still just so much difference. And you know,

some girls do present more in that typical way, , but other girls do not.

Julie Green: And I

think it's been this long process. I remember seeing, I think it was the

National Autistic Society in the UK that had a very good presentation. I can't

even remember who, who did it. But, , just the. the. variability in girls and

what it looks like. So, you know, you'll still see things like. social

difficulties, but it will look very, very, very different.

Julie Green: You'll

see the, the sensory issues you'll see it's same things, but manifesting in

different ways. And of course, this is before anyone knew about masking that a

lot of, not all girls and not all boys, but some people do. Have this ability

to camouflage and get by. So it's a lot harder, for those people to be

identified. But, you looking back, I had collections of things and I had things

I wasn't lining up trains, but I [00:07:00] was very particular about, people not touching things in my room. And even my

cousin, I adored her. I copied her again in all respects.

Julie Green: But it

was like she couldn't touch certain things in my room. And everything had to be

like this. I'd have these special interests, but they were things that are very

typical and expected in girls, you know, interest in animals and psychology.

And not necessarily trains or numbers or, but they were, things that were,

slipped under the radar and I was extremely shy but very, very quiet, So

because I wasn't a problem at school again.

Julie Green: This is

just, you are just shy. I was also an only child, so lot of things were

excused. A lot of the sort of spoiled behaviors that I, I guess would've been

things with me being very, like reacting and having emotions for changes and

rituals and that [00:08:00] sort of stuff. A

lot of those things were, excused or blamed on me being an only child.

Julie Green: So it's

interesting to see with hindsight, but very different to my son who would have

a lot of like very big meltdowns, big behaviors. Um, whereas with me, I'd often

get sick. I would internalize a lot and If I had been socializing for any

amount of time or all the sensory overload, I would just, the end result would

be like a shutdown or I would just get very ill, so it was treated very

differently.

Julie Green: So there

was no way back then for people, I guess, to know that this was. Autism

manifesting. It was just all these other things. It was shyness and it was

okay. She has migraines from a very young age,

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: That's interesting. My daughter struggles with migraines.

Julie Green: I think

now they've, in some cases there is a corelation

Julie Green: I hear

potentially that they, they are adding elements to the DSM. So, you know, going

forward when [00:09:00] people are assessed,

they are aware of things like masking. They are aware potentially of the

different ways that this can manifest in some

Julie Green: girls,

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: It's really good that people are recognizing it. Her school

that she moved to were actually very good, at identifying , that she was

masking heavily.

Julie Green:

Especially with. Girls and women, it's often manifesting in, anxiety,

depression, issues, which I had, but it never really told the full story. You

know, why this disabling anxiety? Well, it's sort of tied to something.

Something bigger. and again, all , the sensory issues.

Julie Green: When you

combine all these different

Julie Green: elements

and you're bigger picture, you can see that yes. It's, it is tied to something

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: now,

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: you've written a book, Motherness,

Julie Green: there it

is. It's out in the uk, on the

Julie Green: 23rd of

October, and the audio book

Julie Green: is now

out as well.

Julie Green: The

structure of the book, starts from , my pregnancy through to the time when my

son is 13. So it's a , big span of what I went through as a parent,

,navigating. All the, the struggles, the highs [00:10:00]

and lows, and there's a lot of funny stuff in it as well.

Julie Green: It's not

all doom and gloom, but basically all the, you know, trying to get

accommodations, all the highs and lows with him, but also casting my mind back

at how this manifested for me. Um, So each. Chapter is, is kind of on a

different topic. So there'll be one chapter that's about like issues, one about

meltdowns or shutdowns, one about like eating, basically all the, all the,

autism related topics and just how it's kind of a compare and contrast of what

he was going through as a child versus going back to some of my childhood and

early adulthood and how that looked for me. So it's sort of goes back and forth

and there's a little bit of, um, reporting and some studies in there just for

some, some context, but it's definitely a memoir. When I was diagnosed, as I

said, I was. Doing all this processing to make [00:11:00]

sense of things that had happened and looking in the rear view mirror and

going, okay, what well, how does that look for me?

Julie Green: And

thinking of all these different events and relationships that happened. So I

was, I was sort of writing things down and mulling over things, and I'd also

written a lot about parenting anyway. I haven't seen any any books deal with

parenting. When you're also autistic. So I've seen memoirs by women, late

diagnosed women.

Julie Green: I've

seen a lot of memoirs from parents who aren't autistic. and I think also just

as a parent, remembering all those early years and how isolating it was just

feeling very confused and very alone through the whole process and thinking. I

guess you kind of write the book that you wish you had, that's pretty much what

I ended up doing. In processing this, I thought, well, maybe, obviously if this

is [00:12:00] resonating for me, then maybe

it'll, it'll really land with other mothers who. Whether they're autistic or

not, but just, , helping them feel seen, do feel very alone. And I remember my

son had a lot of struggles with, um, being regulated, as I said, a lot of

aggressive meltdowns. And even within the autism community, I felt like there

were things that were taboo and that weren't really talked about, and we felt

very, very cut off. Even among people we knew in the autistic community who

maybe their kids weren't having similar behaviors.

Julie Green: So the

long and short of why I I wrote it initially to process what I was going

through, but then I think when you step back and you think actually there's. A

bigger story here that will probably land with other people and hopefully help

them. And so far it's been strange because it's such a, it's such an intimate

and private thing to write this and you're, you're obviously alone, you're [00:13:00] processing all this stuff and then. You

realize objectively that it's going to be in the world, but it still doesn't

quite seem real until people are messaging you . It's very strange. So I, I'm

glad it's there, but it's also a bit surreal to know that

Julie Green: so much

of my life and our lives are in there, but there's also a lot that I've left

out for personal reasons. but it is

Julie Green:

gratifying

Julie Green: to know

that it is out there and, and hopefully helping other parents and women

Victoria Bennion and Natalie

Tealdi: I'm sure it sounds like a book that is gonna help a lot of

people.

Victoria Bennion and...

Essential Advocacy Tips for Parents of Neurodivergent Children with Greer Jones

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Greer Jones to the show.
Biography
Greer Jones is a speaker, writer, and podcast host passionate about building understanding and connection in the neurodiverse world. As a mom raising an autistic and ADHD child, and part of a neurodivergent couple herself, she brings honesty, empathy, and lived experience to her work. She is the creator of The Unfinished Idea podcast and online community, where she provides encouragement, practical tools, and a reminder that no one has to walk this journey alone. Her story has been featured in podcasts, conferences, and publications, inspiring families to embrace their unique path with hope and courage.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Neurodiversity: Greer emphasises that autism and ADHD manifest differently in each individual, highlighting the importance of recognising and valuing each child's unique strengths and challenges.
Advocacy Experience: Greer shares her experience of advocating for her son, stressing the need for parents to be proactive in navigating educational and healthcare systems.
Building Community: Connecting with other parents and families facing similar challenges can provide invaluable support, encouragement, and shared strategies for managing daily life.
Positive Framing: Starting meetings with positive affirmations about a child helps shift the focus from deficits to strengths, fostering a more collaborative atmosphere.
Partnership with Schools: Greer advocates for a partnership approach with educators, emphasising the importance of regular communication and collaboration to support a child's needs effectively.
Managing Expectations: Understanding that neurodivergent children may struggle with transitions and choices allows parents to adjust their expectations and provide necessary support.
Embracing Flexibility: Greer discusses the importance of adapting plans and routines according to a child's needs, especially during challenging periods, to minimise overwhelm.
Creating Safe Spaces: Providing children with tools and strategies, such as sensory items or designated "fun bags," can help them navigate overwhelming situations more comfortably.

Mentioned in This Episode
The Unfinished Idea Podcast with Greer Jones
Connect with Greer
Website – http://theunfinishedidea.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theunfinishedidea/
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Transcript
Victoria Bennion: Welcome to the podcast.
Greer Jones: Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for having me. , I'm glad to be here.
Victoria Bennion: It's great to have the chance to talk to you after meeting you at the Send Rally
Greer Jones: Yeah, it was fun. I found that really just be really impactful because I got to meet so many people in person that I know online and have seen online. So yeah, it was good.
Natalie Tealdi: Can you start by [00:02:00] telling us what your family's journey through diagnosis has taught you about resilience and hope?
Greer Jones: Yeah, that's a great question. So just a little bit about me. I have a son who's autistic, A DHD. I'm married to someone who is autistic, and then I have a DHD. And then I have another son who, we don't know where he's at. He's only three, so it's,
Natalie Tealdi: Early days.
Greer Jones: Yeah. Early days. Yeah. I definitely think there's maybe some sensory processing, but I don't know if that's added into anything so really our journey started when our oldest son, who is autistic, A DHD, was two. And we were just coming outta the pandemic and we were just realizing that. He was processing and receiving the world differently and along with his speech being delayed. And so we were trying to really pursue that.
And in the process, kinda asking questions like, oh, is this typical or is this not? 'Cause he'd hit all of his kind of milestone markers, he could say mama and dad, but he couldn't say anything really beyond that. [00:03:00] But he could count, he could say numbers, which.
It's like I look back and I'm like, yes, this makes all sense. But like at the time I was like, how can you count to 20 when you're two, but not say fridge, or not say milk or like those kind of we call basic word words.
Whereas now I'm like, oh, this all makes sense.
My first conversation actually with the GP was particularly more around his speech, but he basically said that my child's speech delay and while he was processing the world differently was because I'm American. To which I said very quickly. Nice try. Tell me something else. , I thought may, maybe if it's a different, completely different language where I'm like, American come on, that's silly. But anyways, so that was, I think maybe even our first little taste of what we were entering into of kind of even advocacy of people are going to try and tell you. Some people just aren't gonna know.
I think, to be honest, I think that GP didn't really know what he was talking about. . And two, they're gonna just try and [00:04:00] give you the lowest effort answer sometimes because
Victoria Bennion: So
Greer Jones: that's, yeah. The, just where we are. And so we started pursuing other things.
In that time he then started going to nursery, which again, nursery, gave us the lowest possible effort. Answer. To the point where at one point they said to me I was gonna have to pay for his extra support, which I knew nothing like being American. I know nothing about the British system like nursery and all of that, was new school, all of that.
It was a very interesting and hard experience. So then we enter into school and I wanted to be really proactive. Having had not a great nursery experience, I wanted to be really proactive with the school and say here's strategies we like are working at home. We don't know where he is on the spectrum, but we definitely at this point know he's on the spectrum.
Can we work together? I very much am pro partnership of, wherever your school setting is. So just going through that and leaving that meeting. [00:05:00] So that was before he started. So this was like the July before he started in September and leaving that meeting feeling like they just thought I was an overprotective parent and thought I was crazy.
That was one. I think my first real moment, like looking back, I'm like, oh, these other moments were probably. Part of our story, but of when I was like, I am my child's voice,, they did not hear me. This is not okay.
So from that meeting, they said, give it a week. When he starts school, we'll set in some support, see how he does, blah, blah. Week, day two, of starting school, I got the call that said that they were not able to support my child's needs. That he needed to come in for an hour a day. Which turned into two hours because I was like, I'm not coming for an hour.
What am I supposed to do? And how it was set up was not legal. And realizing again, the conversations that needed to be had and who with weren't. And so again, trying to align like. For example, in the US you speak to the class teacher, that's your point of call.
If there's any other people you need to speak to, she'll [00:06:00] make the reference whereas at our school, , the class teacher didn't wanna talk to us. They were referencing us to someone else quite quickly. And I was like, who is this person?, It was just a very weird experience.
So partly I think because of learning the school system, but also just learning that after getting that phone call of you need to come get your child, he can only do this, blah, blah, blah. And , that first six weeks I learned a lot and realized a lot that people dunno the law, that was the biggest thing.
And that people are, because they dunno the law, they are going to also not look at the child, but look at the whole. Which again, it's not wrong. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but. You. That means the child then gets lost. I think that, at least in our instance, and so it is. From that, I just started sharing, I sh started sharing our experience and going, this is what it's like to get him to school.
This is the fact that he's only going for two hours and I have had to take work off. I've had work was quite good. They, in the end, we're quite flexible with my time., But [00:07:00] there's some people I know who wouldn't, you know, who wouldn't be able to, and just like different things that we had to work around.
And it was when I started sharing that, people were like, oh yeah, we've gone through that. Or we know what it's like to battle getting their shoes on. And it be more than just a kind of. They don't want to. But a true battle of getting shoes on or clothes on. My child loves to be naked.
So it was through that I found a community and I was able to see that kind of hope? I guess that, going back to your original question, of just that there are people out here who get it and there's hope that I am not one alone in this, and two, there are people who are ahead of me who can share their experiences and there's people walking with me who can, cheer me on and say, I'm going through this with you.
And then people behind me who I can share my experience with and help. Their journey as well and just that kind of, yeah, just knowing I'm not alone has brought so much hope and so much clarity because of having those [00:08:00] sources of people who can offer support or help, who've gone, who are a few years ahead in their journey.
Victoria Bennion: It's so important, isn't it? That's my experience too, of those people that are ahead of you who can help support you because it's such a lonely place when that starts to happen and your child is struggling so much. I remember Going in late because of all those problems that you talked about.
And then I had one day and I realized actually I'm not the only one. There's a couple of other parents in the playground who are having struggles and just having other people who understand when, yeah, it means a lot.
Greer Jones: The end dish of reception, beginning of year one, I went to our SENDCo and said, statistically there are other moms like me. 'Cause at this point I hadn't met anyone at school who was raising a child with additional needs. I met a few who went to other schools around, or online, but not at our school.
And so I went to our SENDCo and was like, okay, statistically there are other kids. My son, which means there's parents like me, I wanna meet [00:09:00] them. How can I do that? And her first response was very sweet, very GDPR was like, I can't just give you names. And I was like no. Like I don't do that. That's weird.
That'd be weird as well. Me just emailing someone, being like, let's be friends. And so we set up a coffee morning for, parents. It was open to any parents of children, like SEN children. But only moms came, which I'm glad about, because that's who I was wanting to really meet.
Because we know moms are the ones who do a lot more of the advocating and have the different schedules. Not saying all, but for the most part. From there I set up a WhatsApp group and was like, let's chat and be on WhatsApp together. And we just encourage each other every so often start of school we were like, okay, what are we doing to prepare our kids for school and what are we doing that? And just knowing there's a group of people who I can text and be like, we made it to school on time. Or My kid has both shoes on today instead of one.
'cause there are times where he has walked into school with one shoe on [00:10:00] the other, one in his hand, but he has walked in 'cause he didn't wanna wear it.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, mine's in wellies and no socks today,
Greer Jones: yeah. Yeah. And it's what's interesting as well, this is a side note, sorry, but is the last, particularly year one, so he's now in year two.
I did a lot of educating the school, which I was really shocked to buy. Not necessarily the cinco seemed to know, but for example, this is a very vulnerable moment, but, the school called Child Services on us because my child came in with no socks on every day. And they were concerned why he wasn't coming in with socks.
Which one? I was like, could you not have asked me? And I would've told you, feel like he. Jumped the gun on that. But anyways, and Charles sources came and were like, this is, yeah, you're fine. Totally. It was like totally fine, totally resolved. But it was really interesting to be like, okay 'cause they had a conversation with our son and he was like saying how he made up this massive story basically about how we don't believe in socks [00:11:00] and we go we go to a cult.
Like it was just like this big thing. And of course I want 'em to believe the child. So part of me was like, okay, I'm glad you believed him. But at the same time, talk to him for five minutes and you'll see like he makes up these crazy stories.
That's how his brain works and and it is just a really interesting thing, last year, I just very much felt like I was having conversations with the head of okay, so children who have a DHD, like these are common signs. This is the fact that he's told you like for one of the other concerns they had was 'cause he said apparently he hadn't eaten for 18 days.
Natalie Tealdi: Oh
Greer Jones: I was like, okay. First off, you would know, he would tell like one, he comes to school and eats and he's fine. And two there'd be other signs. I was just like, okay, there's just other signs. I was like, okay, this is weird. Why would you truly not believe that?
It's just things like that, and he just loves to make up big stories 'cause that's in his mind very true
Victoria Bennion: It does make sense. It
does.
Greer Jones: and I, I think this [00:12:00] year. Having had a whole year of trying to educate the school of what it's like, I'm hoping this year will be different.
And we can set into more of a routine and like ease,
Natalie Tealdi: Is he in mainstream school?
Greer Jones: Yeah. I always put massive. Asterisk though. So his whole year group is only 30 kids. He's in a school where they have two year, two classes for every year group. So , yes, he is in a mainstream school, but he's in a class that has 17 max kids.
They do a bit of crossover between the two classes. They do. Teach a little bit together. So maybe at times there'll be 30 kids, but that'll only be for core teaching and then they'll go into their kind of groups so yes, he is in mainstream, but I big asterisk of, it's not really a mainstream school.
He finds noise to be very overwhelming if he were to sit in a classroom of 30 kids all day, he wouldn't cope as much as he can cope now. And the other, big thing for us is we always [00:13:00] say, we just take it term by term
and see.
So if he's not having a great term then we'll say, okay, we don't do a whole year because a whole year is a long time for a child.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah.
that's it. You can keep it under review, can't you?
Greer Jones: Yeah. Yeah. And it's just also for us, we've just set that rhythm, I set every meeting out, whenever I have a meeting with the school saying, I wanna be in partnership with you.
And so partnership means you have touchpoints. And so we have touch points a lot more than just once a term. We will meet at least once a term so we can hear back and meet with the teacher as well.
'cause that was something, again, I just found really strange that the teacher who he's having everyday contact with would send emails or give reports to the synco, but wasn't always there to be part of the conversation, which I recognize they have a lot of demands. I'm not saying they're not busy people, but I just sound really hard.
I've set it up so that. At least once a term, the teacher, Luko and I, always meet together,
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
Greer Jones: and have a [00:14:00] conversation of what's actually working, what's not,
What's he been through this last term, basically, and
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Greer Jones: What's coming up? I think that's something that, always helps as well.
'cause we find if we can talk about things ahead of time, he's less anxious and then therefore not. He's not gonna act out 'cause he can know what to expect, which most kids like,
Victoria Bennion: Does he struggle at any particular times of year? I remember my son, he was in mainstream, Christmas was really hard, you know when they put all the decorations up and they've got the play and things like that going on.
Greer Jones: Yeah. So he actually struggles from Easter to the end of the year. I find it really interesting. I'm like, you're outside more. He loves being outside and naked. Those are his, two favorite things in the world. We've joked that he's gonna start a nudist colony, natural nudist colony, because he just, those are his two things.
He finds the end of the year hard, but I think it's partly because it's that one anticipation of what next year's going to be like, but also saying goodbye because he. [00:15:00] He does struggle with those. He struggles with those two things. He really struggles with saying goodbye to anything and everything.
He doesn't know what's gonna happen next, mixes that anxiousness. Even in nursery reception, year one, we've seen his, behavior. Change and just even to an extent he changes. I don't know if that makes sense.
You can tell he's holding in this anxiety, you can tell he's holding in this like nervousness. And so we find the needing to move a lot more is needed, end of a, like after Easter to the end of the year
time, which we also last year, we decided to just not have any extra activities during that time.
Weekends, we had cricket. That was it. Which we found was good 'cause it's outside and he could move. We just tried to do very low demands,
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Greer Jones: go with the flow. To help.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I think that's what we do too, on those tricky times. You just gotta take everything [00:16:00] else away, wouldn't you?
Natalie...

This Week in Our World: Reflecting on Panorama, EHCPs and Everyday Struggles

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're reflecting on the Panorama documentary, EHCPs and everyday struggles from socks to lunch boxes.
Key Takeaways
The reality behind EHCPs – why the process can be emotionally draining, time-consuming, and often leaves families feeling powerless.
When inclusion isn’t inclusion – the difference between being in school and actually being supported to thrive.
The ripple effect of sensory struggles – how something as small as socks or a change in routine can unravel a whole morning.
Food battles and 'safe foods' – understanding why eating can be so complex for autistic children and why parents shouldn’t face judgment for feeding what works.
Navigating seasonal changes – how weather, clothing, and sensory shifts can bring new challenges for children who rely on predictability.
The need for empathy over judgment – whether it’s food, clothes, or school attendance, understanding should always come before criticism.
Mentioned in This Episode
BBC Panorama Documentary: Autism, School and Families on the Edge presented by Kellie Bright
EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plans) - learn more here
ARFID and sensory-based eating challenges - learn more here
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
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Transcript
This Week in Our World:
Reflecting on Panorama, EHCPs and Everyday Struggles [00:00:00]
Victoria Bennion:
This week we watched Kelly Bright's Panorama documentary called Autism School
and Families on the Edge, and it was really interesting watching. So we wanted
to take today to reflect on the program and chat about things in general that
have come up for us and our children
Victoria Bennion: .
so what did you think about the program? Nat.

Natalie Tealdi: I
thought it was really great to give. Exposure about the issues of EHCPs. I
mean, it was largely based around EHCPs, wasn't it? And it definitely brought
back lots of memories. I think it's that, that place where you are at, where
you don't really know much about what's going on and you're kind of trying to
work out how to support your child.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: the
right environment is for them, getting them the right support, not really
knowing what that support is or what even are the options for support.

Victoria Bennion:
That's right. It's a really stressful time. And I think that it, hopefully, it
highlighted that it's quite a lengthy process and that it requires quite a lot
of you as [00:01:00] parents and carers being
on it with all the dates. And then even when you get a yes, if you get a yes at
certain points, like, yes, we agree to assess your child, it's, you're not
necessarily then going to get the plan that your child needs.
Victoria Bennion: So
with the family there? And , it had named mainstream. That was, that was
totally familiar to me. That's what happened with my first child going through
the process and he was barely attending school. And it brought back for me
those feelings, those memories of like, oh my God, what, we've just been
through all this.
Victoria Bennion: And
you are saying, well, they basically said good luck at middle school. It's like
he can't even get into first school. How have you written a whole plan and put
mainstream? So I did really feel for them. I think it was a really accurate
depiction of the process
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
I mean, very similar for us too. , It's clearly the setting isn't working and
you do all the paperwork and all the fighting and all the meetings

Victoria Bennion: all
the assessments.

Natalie Tealdi: then
it comes back with the same place that they're not coping at. I mean, that [00:02:00] doesn't even make any sense. It is just so
frustrating,

Victoria Bennion: ,
It's a very tiring process.

Natalie Tealdi: And
you can feel really powerless. I think that's something they highlighted in the
documentary 'cause. Yeah, you have to learn about all the processes and the
laws and what you're entitled to, and it's exhausting.
Victoria Bennion: It
is exhausting, and especially on top of when you're trying to look after your
children charge the EHCP for everything is not well, otherwise you wouldn't be
doing it. So you've got that on top of everything. And then holding the local
authority to their deadlines is my experience of, Hey, it's the X date.
Victoria Bennion: Is
there any news on this yet?

Natalie Tealdi:
exactly. You can't just sort of hand it over to them and expect it all to run
smoothly into time. You have to be there nudging them.

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, it's horrible actually. It's extra stress that parents don't need. So I
thought that was depicted really well. There was one, one thing that really
struck me as being potentially really divisive. I [00:03:00]
don't know if it struck you too, but it was when she was speaking to that
counselor.
Victoria Bennion:
They were referencing the amount of money that's needed to support our
children, and she said something along the lines of like, this is money that.

Natalie Tealdi: I
know what you're gonna say.

Victoria Bennion: Is
now not going to road repairs. It was something like that, wasn't it? And I
thought, Ooh, , that felt to me like quite deliberately divisive. Like, Hey, ,
these send families are taking all the money. That's why there's potholes in
the road. And it was almost like pitting. Sections of society against each
Victoria Bennion:
other.

Natalie Tealdi: That
is exactly how I felt listening to that as well. I thought, hang on a minute,
what? That could definitely create some interesting situations.

Victoria Bennion: And
I think it's probably deliberately designed to, dad was saying there was
something he read about parents wanting EHCPs to get their children more exam
time or something for GCSEs, [00:04:00] and I
went, what , I dunno about you, but certainly at the point that we're going for
an EHCP GCSEs are just not even in the mind.
Victoria Bennion:
It's getting your child into a setting that's appropriate. I mean, I wasn't
even thinking about GCSEs when my child was eight.

Natalie Tealdi:
Quality of life

Victoria Bennion:
yeah, exactly. You don't want them to be in this terrible state that they're
in, and you want the best for them. It's certainly not in my experience of
anybody I've met either that that's on their mind.
Natalie Tealdi: Where
does that come from? I don't know anyone like that. , It is more that people
are worried about their child's mental health and, the state of their health
generally, and being able to be in the world and cope in the world and have a
bright future. 'cause they still should have a
Natalie Tealdi:
bright future.

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: And I
think one thing that came up for me was when there was the mum, I think the
daughter at mum actually, when her child did manage to go into school, and they
were all celebrating the fact that she got to go in that day. But I just [00:05:00] thought, but how did that day go? Because
I was just remembering when my child went into school, I would be by my phone
trying to work and sometimes it would ring and it would be the school saying
he's not coping and he needs picking up.
Natalie Tealdi: And I
was thinking, how did she feel that day and how, and how was it when her child
got home? Was she okay or was it difficult that afternoon because she'd had to
cope all day at school? I'm just interested,
Victoria Bennion: I
suppose they have to be careful, but you're dead, right? It's the whole
picture, isn't it? I remember before. My son, I would just say it's like had a
full breakdown really. But before that point,, when I'd get him into school,
I'd be like, yeah, he's in school.
Victoria Bennion: And
my assumption was that always there for fine. But that was not the case. So the
actual getting him in there for him, it was certainly just more trauma.

Natalie Tealdi:
Exactly. So I mean, I'm not saying it was like that for her. It might be that
the little girl was absolutely fine and had a brilliant day and was lovely, but

Natalie Tealdi: it's
not like that

Natalie Tealdi: for
everyone. [00:06:00] I would say.

Victoria Bennion:
Definitely.

Victoria Bennion: So

Victoria Bennion:
how's your week been generally apart from the program?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Okay. My son's really struggling with socks. Since we went back to school in
September.

Victoria Bennion:
Socks.

Victoria Bennion: are
hard.

Natalie Tealdi: He
does really struggle with socks and we've tried lots of different ones. I've
just ordered some bamboo ones, but he doesn't want to even try them. Someone
suggested fluffy socks, , so I bought some of those and they were working for a
few days, but since I've washed them.
Natalie Tealdi: And
he's tried to put them on

Natalie Tealdi:
again.

Victoria Bennion:
Once they're washed, they're not the same. That's what,

Victoria Bennion: One
of my children's complaints is,

Natalie Tealdi: They
don't feel the same, do they?

Victoria Bennion: I
mean, there was one year we've just bought so many socks, 'cause at first I was
thinking, do I need to buy more expensive socks? Is it because they're the
cheapest socks?
Victoria Bennion: Is
it because, and she ended up just having mountains of socks in a wardrobe. None
of which were acceptable after a while. But I think it was once they were

Victoria Bennion:
washed, they didn't feel the

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
just brand new socks every day then, so he's in Wellies with, no socks today,
but then I had the same with my daughter actually this morning. So we're [00:07:00] seeing some things with her and, and I
don't think it's copying brother 'cause she was actually the first one to
mention the socks.
Natalie Tealdi: , So
yeah, socks and food

Natalie Tealdi: is an

Natalie Tealdi:
issue.

Victoria Bennion: Do
you know I, I think I know all the McDonald's staff like

Natalie Tealdi: Do
you.

Victoria Bennion: by
name at the mument. Even the new ones that they seem to be training up. Yeah.
My son's totally lost anything that we cook for dinner at the mument, so if I
want to get something cooked into him, it's McDonald's.
Victoria Bennion:
That's the only safe option, except this week you wouldn't believe what they
did. , Ordered a cheeseburger, and I customized it. So no cheese. Because you
can get the double cheeseburger, so you can get the two beef patties in there,
but customize it so it's got nothing on it. So one of my children will have it
with. Just ketchup. And the other one likes ketchup and the mustard. It was
really busy too, and I went straight after school, it took ages,
Victoria Bennion: now
I know better than to not check the bag. So I checked the bags and one was [00:08:00] labeled, , only ketchup, and the other one
was ketchup and mustard. I was like, great. Okay. This is all good. Anyway, got
home. Cheese in the cheeseburger.
Natalie Tealdi: Get
that they put cheese in the

Natalie Tealdi:
cheeseburger.

Victoria Bennion: But
the distress and the upset that that caused.

Victoria Bennion: If
it had been pickles, it might not have been so bad, she could like scrape them
off, but the, that cheese that melts in, , I wish that that was, better
understood. , Just generally the food, the distress around food.
Victoria Bennion: ,
If that had happened to my son, it wasn't his burger luckily, but if that had
happened to him, burgers would no longer be safe. They would likely be struck
off because it just destroys that trust,
Victoria Bennion:
doesn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
And that's a really big deal when the, the diet's so restricted anyway and
there are so few foods to take away.

Natalie Tealdi:
Something like that

Natalie Tealdi: has a
big impact.

Victoria Bennion: it
does.

Victoria Bennion:
Another thing, that has come up for us in the last week is healthy lunchboxes. [00:09:00] Haven't had this one for a while,

Victoria Bennion: but
I feel that this is something again, that there isn't enough understanding
about for children who have ARFID or ARFID behaviors is. You can't define foods
by healthy and not healthy.
Victoria Bennion: For
parents and carers, it's the big enough stress to make sure that the, children
are getting enough calories, are getting enough to eat. And I think when. When
there's a misunderstanding, and I think it probably comes from the government,
you know about obesity worries and things like that and pushing the healthy
food line, right? But
Victoria Bennion: if
your child has got a real restricted diet, that's not an option. You just get
them to eat what you can. You do your best, in my mind, it's is there enough
fuel to keep him going through the day? That's that's all I can do.
Victoria Bennion: And
I'm sure we've talked about this on previous episodes, but when you're told.

Victoria Bennion:
Include fruit and vegetable, they're healthy snacks [00:10:00]
in the lunchbox. For someone with ARFID or ARFID behaviors like I learned on
their BEAT eating disorder course, which was really helpful. The reason that
fruit and vegetables are often rejected? Well, there's the textures, but
they're not the same, are they?
Victoria Bennion:
Yorkie Bar is one of my son's Absolute safe foods. It looks the same, it tastes
the same. It doesn't vary. Whereas a raspberry can be sweet, it can be sour, ,
the color can vary. It can be squidgy, it can be harder. There's all those
variations, and if you are anxious, that's gonna make your anxiety so much
worse.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
stressful.

Victoria Bennion: is
stressful.

Natalie Tealdi: It's
an added stress on top of other stresses, isn't

Natalie Tealdi: it?

Natalie Tealdi: And
it's not like you can just say, pull yourself together

Victoria Bennion: no.

Natalie Tealdi: or,
you know, don't be so

Natalie Tealdi:
fussy. It's not about that. It's not that.

Natalie Tealdi:
simple.

Victoria Bennion: No,
it's really not that simple, and I wish there was more understanding of that

Victoria Bennion: and
less judgment on what parents and carers are giving their children

Natalie Tealdi: I
know, I think they [00:11:00] really need to
give parents a bit more credit here because of course we are concerned about
vitamins and them getting the right foods and being healthy, but when you get
to that point where your child's losing weight and is really skinny and is
unable to function because they're not eating anything, we've been told by
pediatricians.
Natalie Tealdi: To
just

Natalie Tealdi: feed
them whatever

Victoria Bennion: Get
the calories in. Fed is best and you have to go with that. And chocolate is
good for many reasons, but it's a good lump of calories in there and you know
that it will keep them going. Okay. It might not be ideal, but neither is
starving and that's really what you're looking at.
Victoria

Redefining Success for Families with Neurodivergent Children with Talia Zamora

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Talia Zamora to the show.
Biography
Talia Zamora, Award-Winning Coach and bestselling co-author, encourages and uplifts women from Neurodivergent families who are struggling to find balance, clarity, and direction through bespoke one-to-one coaching. With a supportive, accepting, and inclusive approach, she helps clients reconnect with their self-worth, build confidence, and set realistic, meaningful goals that align with their lives. Drawing on both lived experience and professional expertise, Talia’s unique coaching style empowers women to take control, make progress, and redefine success on their own terms. Her work is grounded in simplicity, compassion, and the power of being truly seen and understood.
Key Takeaways
Accidental Journey to Coaching: Talia’s path to becoming a coach began unexpectedly, driven by her own experiences as a parent of neurodivergent children.

Identifying Common Struggles: Many neurodivergent families face challenges related to societal expectations and the pressure to conform to typical parenting norms.

The Importance of Self-Compassion: Talia emphasizes the need for parents to recognize their unique family dynamics and to approach parenting with kindness toward themselves.

Momentum vs. Balance: Talia discusses the concept of prioritizing momentum over traditional work-life balance, focusing on maintaining progress rather than achieving a perfect equilibrium.

Breakthrough Moments: Clients often experience significant breakthroughs when they learn to communicate their needs and establish boundaries in both personal and professional contexts.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Talia highlights the value of creating a nurturing atmosphere at home that accommodates the unique needs of neurodivergent children.

Practical Tools for Change: The episode offers actionable strategies for parents, including the idea of a "done list" to celebrate achievements and the importance of questioning societal norms in parenting.

Mentioned in This Episode
Talia's 101 Neurodivergent Traits download is available here: https://www.taliazamora.com/

Talia's Wellness Day:
Unmask & Unwind
A Neurodivergent-Friendly Wellness Day on Saturday 19th October 2025 for Women Who Want to Thrive. If you’ve been craving a day to slow down, breathe, and refill your cup this is your invitation.
Find out more here: https://www.taliazamora.com/wellnessday

Connect with Talia
talia@taliazamora.com
www.taliazamora.com
https://www.linkedin.com/in/taliazamora/ https://www.facebook.com/TaliaZamoraBusinessandFamilyCoach
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Transcript
[00:00:00]
Victoria Bennion: Welcome to the podcast, Talia. It's great to have you here with us today.
Talia Zamora: Thank you very much. It's lovely to be here.
Natalie Tealdi: Can you start by telling us what inspired you to start your coaching journey and how your personal experience helped to shape your approach?
Talia Zamora: My coaching journey, probably happened by accident. What I mean by that is that it wasn't really a lifelong dream to work for myself and, to be a coach. I'd been working in business improvement and. Continuous improvement. Within industry there's something called Lean Six Sigma, and it's about practicing different ways and systems and process to improve your business and make it easier and, manage it well. I came to an end of a contract and I was struggling to find something that would fit around my kids because as you know, your kids have more need for hospital appointments and for you to pick them up from school because they don't necessarily want to, go to the clubs and they get exhausted and burn out and they need to be at home. So I, I really needed something part time and flexible. [00:01:00] So at the end of the contract I was on, I just thought, okay, let's. C, give myself a bit of a break to be there for the kids and then retrain as something that I can do for myself. So it took a few months, I got myself a coach and then was talking to her about what would be best to do with my skills, and that's when it highlighted that actually being a coach would. Worked well for me because of all the business improvement and continuous improvement that I'd got, and in the background at the same time was I was starting to train as a coach. I was doing quite a lot of training for my kids, so as, again, you might well know the system when you get your kids diagnosed because both mine are autistic. At the time I hadn't had a diagnosis, so the system suggests that you go to parenting courses, which at the time I got really annoyed about and didn't see the logic and thought that, you know, I'm not a bad parent, are you judging me? But actually realized very quickly how, valuable they were and how amazing it was that somebody understood other people were in the same boat. That there [00:02:00] were certain quirks about my kids that I hadn't even realized were quirks and their traits were shining through that. Became quite prominent that actually it wasn't normal for everybody else. Within the first two, three years of coaching, it then became quite clear that I was working with a lot of neurodivergent women without advertising.
That I was neurodivergent. And without saying this is me. It just became almost magnetic. Slightly. No, that might sound a bit funny, but it's just, that was who I was attracting without deliberately doing it. So it came to a point where I'd done so much training and was looking to do more, and I thought actually, this is a good time for me to become a neurodivergent coach.
And at the same time I started training with a charity called Advance, who's local to Meen Hartford. And they support, mainly A DHD and autistic families. So I particularly trained with them. So I coach with them as a charity and that's family coaching. And directly through my own business [00:03:00] that's more female business focused, and that's with women who've got neurodivergent traits themselves or diagnosis, but also have a family at home that they're, having to build their life around
Victoria Bennion: So through your working with neurodivergent women. What are some common struggles that you see?
Talia Zamora: Common struggles, are actually about life itself. It's in terms of how you navigate with your children. a lot of the time, I feel as a parent of autistic kids that we try and do things that everybody else is doing. And we do that with ourselves and our children, so be it that going to parties as an adult, it's taken me a while to realize actually there certain types of parties I like to go to, but normally, previously I just pushed myself to do it. It's the same with kids. There are only certain types of parties they might feel comfortable going to. And then also things like swimming lessons or going to football or going to ballet or things like that. We think it's the norm and that we should be doing it with [00:04:00] our kids, and we kind of try and coax them into doing it and they don't wanna do it, and they're kicking up a stink and having a tantrum or coming home and quite distressed. So I think one of the hardest. Things, when I'm working with someone is there to help them to realize that they need to do it their way and it's okay if that's not what everybody else is doing and that it's really important to have to be. Regulated at home and in a nice way and, and feel comfortable. So especially with extracurricular stuff, where we've got a choice, whereas school, we don't have as much choice. So that's can be a challenge in itself. So I think helping people to realize they don't have to fit into the social norms of society is huge.
Victoria Bennion: I think that is huge, isn't it? Just thinking from like my son and those, the expectations that, we had for him before he had his diagnosis. Like parties, as you were saying, are they awful? And school trips, things like that, that [00:05:00] which he couldn't actually access. And just as a parent parenting him, that took me a little bit of an adjustment just to actually be able to say, no, actually that's not gonna work.
No.
Talia Zamora: Yeah.
Victoria Bennion: But it's, you are very caught up with what's expected,
I think for a good long time.
Natalie Tealdi: We've talked about this more recently, haven't we, with the summer holidays and seeing the adverts for festivals or family days out , and we're sort of in that place where you think, oh yeah, that'd be great. And then you think that wouldn't,
Talia Zamora: Yeah,
Natalie Tealdi: would not fit for us.
Talia Zamora: Happens to me a lot. I totally understand that.
Natalie Tealdi: Mm, yeah.
Yeah.
Talia Zamora: Quite often. Previously anyway, will book things, take my kids to them, and then just feel so disappointed that, oh, why are you not enjoying it? Why is this not working? Everybody else is having a great time. They've been here for hours and you wanna go home already.
So I think it takes a really long time to wake up and think. Actually, I don't have to keep on doing this
and I don't, especially when it comes to really [00:06:00] expensive things like taking your child to the theater or to circus or something
and they're really distressed about it I think it really takes a long time to realize, oh yeah, this is not working and I, why am I doing it?
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
Victoria Bennion: a hundred percent.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think I see things and I think, actually, am I thinking of it from, it's something I would like to do, or is it something they would like to do? And often it's me. So yeah, it's not gonna work for them, so,
Talia Zamora: But it is
also you mirroring what other people are doing.
Natalie Tealdi: Mm.
Talia Zamora: Thinking, okay, they're doing it, so I'll do it and this is gonna be fun. It's, having that realization that, oh, I don't need to do it that way, I can do it my way.
I think that really does help.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I agree. Would agree. Definitely.
Natalie Tealdi: Mm. You talk about momentum over balance. Can you explain a little bit about what that means, especially for neurodivergent families?
Talia Zamora: It. Normal to hear people saying [00:07:00] work-life balance, need to get a work-life balance and one of the reasons I started working for myself is because I wanted a work-life balance. But does balance, especially in a neuro detergent family, does that really exist? I mean, are we thriving for something that's not really actually, doable because, from my own experience, a lot of things change very quickly. And so you might get your kids into a club and you might get them into going to a tutor or extra learning, and you might get in the flow for maybe a couple of months doing certain things, whether it's swimming or ballet or something like that. And then it switches. They're done very quickly. Especially you've got an A DHD child. They potentially could get quite bored very quickly. It's like if it's not, fast paced enough, they're gonna be like, oh, I don't wanna do this anymore. Can I do something else? And I'm one of those parents that changed my child's sport literally every term because they'd got fed up like, okay, we'll do volleyball now.
Okay, we'll do football. Okay, we'll do, and we just changed all the time. So, it [00:08:00] made me realize, actually momentum is probably more of what I'm doing is keeping going. Not necessarily keeping a balance, but I'm just keeping going a nice pace and for me and my family, and that's also come through identifying that actually I need to do what's right by my family and not right by what everybody else does.
So it came to the point of dropping some of the extracurricular things, thinking why are we doing this? We just kept the momentum and at the speed that was good for us instead of. What could happen is that you hit a wall and you just stop everything and there is no balance. 'cause you know, foods and having a good, diet as such will go out the window, sleep goes out the window, you know, you are working too many hours and obviously that's not great either, but I just think that sometimes it can go up and down, especially school holidays if you're working for yourself. Actually that can look very, very different in terms of the work hours, in comparison to the hours of the kids. So, I feel like [00:09:00] momentum's more realistic for me anyway.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah,
absolutely. No, I think that makes a lot of sense. So what kind of breakthroughs have you seen with the clients that you work with?
Talia Zamora: Some of the biggest breakthroughs are seeing clients, realize that they can communicate and do things in a different way that they've been. Whether that be in a work situation or a workshop situation or going to a meeting or doing a presentation or whether it's with your kids and your family at dinner time or picking them up from school or, having a chat with, the teachers at the gate or anything like that and encouraging them to drop the mask slightly. And do it for more of a natural place that they're comfortable with to watch, what they're saying in terms of jumping in and saying, yeah, my kids will come to the park on the weekend. And then thinking to yourself, how are we gonna do this? Like, that's not realistic. We can't get out of the house at nine o'clock in the morning. So. Communicating that actually what your needs are. That actually, that doesn't work for me, but maybe we could do it at 10 o'clock instead of nine [00:10:00] o'clock. And then when it comes to meetings and talking to people saying, actually, can you slow down a little bit? My processing is not, as fast or just saying, I didn't catch that. Taking care of yourself so you don't have to stress later that. Actually, I didn't know half of that meeting. I missed it. Also taking care of yourself instead of in terms of the boundaries for work, whether it's you work for yourself or for employer, like cutting off in the evenings and not doing anymore if that works for you or if you're an evening person, making sure you've got time in the middle of the day to have a break and rest, not overloading your day. Whereas it's very easy to put so much in your day thinking, know I'm gonna do an appointment, I'm gonna get the shopping done, get the lounge. No one's just jump pick up the kids, have a meeting, you put it all in there, and then you get to the end of the day and get so deflated that I didn't know half of that and like, I really need to still have that meeting with so and so. Being really realistic and communicating to people. Actually, you know what, I haven't got that much time today, but tomorrow would be better. And, checking in with yourself. And [00:11:00] making sure that actually, that you are not overdoing it. I think that's a big, a big thing in terms of releasing people from actually feeling like they're not doing enough and overdoing things and not setting boundaries and actually saying, you know what, it's okay.
You can do less. Less is more, I often say is that you're more productive and you can get things done in a much better way if you're not spinning plates all the time.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's
really good. That's really good tips. That's something I do far too much, particularly on a Monday. Like try and fit that whole to-do list on the Monday, and actually it can be spread through the week.
Talia Zamora: Yeah, it is so true, isn't it? I mean, there's an element of satisfaction if you do manage to get it done, but the drop in your adrenaline when you haven't got much of it done is worse. So yeah, it's, much better to cut it down a bit. I also tell people to do a done list because quite often if you don't get everything done on a Monday, for instance,
and you're disappointed in yourself, I'm sure if you wrote a done list next to it.
Of all the things that weren't [00:12:00] written on your to-do list, you'd see how much more you did actually get done.
Victoria Bennion: I like that
idea. I'm gonna do a done list.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Talia Zamora: really satisfying. Especially 'cause you could tick it afterwards if you're one of those people that gets motivated by ticking.
Victoria Bennion: I really do.
Talia Zamora: So yeah, you two could even swap done lists with each other. What have you done today? Like what?
What have you achieved?
Victoria Bennion: Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. Sometimes they even add stuff on just so I can tick it off,
Talia Zamora: Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's so satisfying.
Victoria Bennion: yeah.
Natalie Tealdi: So what's one small shift that listeners can make today to move closer to the life that they want?
Talia Zamora: When it comes with family, it's, stepping back a little bit, taking your foot off the pedal a little bit, listening to the people around you, especially your kids, we quite often get stuck in this mode of like I mentioned, being normal and sticking to what everybody else does. Thinking we have to do it that way. We [00:13:00] have to do it that way. Like for instance, when I was switching from being employed to working for myself, start my own business, in my head I kept on saying, I can't do that. I've gotta provide for my children.
I've gotta pay my mortgage. And that was my mantra in my head. But actually. It's like all the things you're telling yourself that you can't do. And even with your...

Nervous System First Parenting with Kimberley Guche

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Kimberley Guche to the show. Kim explains how our children read our inner signals (even when we’re 'holding it together), why we can’t think our way out of overwhelm and the simple, compassionate resets that help us move from chaos to calm.
Kimberley's Biography
Kim Guche is a pediatric speech-language pathologist, certified hypnotherapist, NLP coach, and the creator of Nervous System First Parenting™ — a revolutionary, body-based approach that helps overwhelmed moms calm their own nervous system so they can lead with steadiness and intention. Drawing on trauma-informed tools, vagus nerve science, and her own journey as a single mom of four, Kim teaches the part most parenting books miss: how to shift chaos by regulating the energy inside you. Her 5-minute Chaos to Calm™ Reset isn’t just for your kids — it’s for you, so you can finally stop white-your way through motherhood.
Key Takeaways
Calm is a body state: regulation has to be felt, not forced by thoughts.
Children read our nervous systems - even when we’re 'holding it together.'
Five-minute resets that work anywhere: breath, havening, tapping, shaking, cold-water splash.
Visual anchors (trees, sunflowers, happy snapshots) create a rapid route back to safety.
Grounding touch and proprioceptive input can soothe dysregulation when touch is OK.
Micro 'pattern interrupts' sprinkled through the day raise your resilience floor.
Congruence matters: when your inner and outer signals match, kids settle faster.
Anchor the good: pair a physical cue with a joyful memory for instant state-shifts.
Work with mums and kids to amplify results and reduce trigger loops.
Progress over perfection - self-kindness keeps everyone steadier.

Connect with Kimberley
Access Kim's meditations:
Peaceful Parenting
Chaos to Calm Reset
Access Kim's free Skool group where mums can find help to get calmer inside of the chaos.
Website: www.entrancinginspirations.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chaostocalmnlp/
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
Natalie Tealdi: [00:00:00] welcome to the podcast, Kim. It's great to
have you here.
Kim Guche: It's great
to be here. Thank you.
Natalie Tealdi: So
you've got a really interesting background. Can you talk a little bit about
your journey to becoming the creator of the Nervous System First Parenting
please.
Kim Guche: My journey
is started I think probably when I was a speech. I'm a speech language
pathologist and I, and I also have four children. I, when I was, had a turning
point in my speech pathology career where I, it just wasn't working for me
anymore. And I knew I needed to do something different 'cause something else
felt like it was calling me and I ended up finding my way to look, going into
hypnosis, but for myself.
Kim Guche: 'cause I
wanted to see what is this about? How could I use it for me? And, so the minute
I walked in to the appointment that I had, it was like just something hit me.
Like I knew oh, I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do now, but I didn't
know why or how or really what I [00:01:00] was
gonna do with it.
Kim Guche: And I just
knew it is I gotta open this up more. And then when I learned about it. And I
started, I started working with it. And you know how much it helped me. I
thought this would really be great for all the kids that I work with, that
because I had said when I was working with the kids every time I'd go back to
school on Monday, wouldn't it be great if there was a way.
Kim Guche: That we
could make all this stuff that I tell you all the time, stick, and then we
wouldn't have to start over again every Monday. And I didn't know that. Using
the subconscious mind, that's exactly what happens. So once I learned that, it
hit me like, oh, that's how you do it. You use the other side of the brain and
not just for learning, but for so many things.
Kim Guche: Just
mindset and letting go of the old. Like the fears that we have and the
self-doubts and the the anxiety. And so I had thought I do wanna [00:02:00] use this. It helped me so much. I wanna
help people, but I'm passionate about kids. So I thought, how can I use this?
How can I use this to help the kids that I work with?
Kim Guche: And then
it just started happening that, moms, I had a people finding me and saying, can
you know, how can you help my kid? And it started out with I was getting a lot
of children for sports improvement gymnasts and kids who were getting in their
head for their sport and had fear.
Kim Guche: And so I
started doing that and and that's of course, that's wonderful because you, you
wanna see kids excel because that's how their self-esteem and they grow in so
many ways through their sport and you never want them to give up. So I started
like that and then I thought, wow, this could really help so many kids with the
limiting beliefs and the anxiety that they have.
Kim Guche: And then,
because as a speech language pathologist primarily working with kids on the
autism spectrum, A DHD like the gamut of everything in a [00:03:00] school. I started getting clients, like
moms were bringing their kids to me with with autism and help, asking could I
help them learn how to socialize better or to get over a fear.
Kim Guche: And that,
so I it went into that. And then personally for me, I left. The place where I
was living moved to a new place where I knew no one and had a huge cataclysmic
life event where I was very anxious all the time with a lot of very high needs
kids in the class that I was working in.
Kim Guche: And so I
was struggling with them and I was watching like these kids. Listen, and they
follow directions for the teacher and for other people. But they were not
behaving at all when they were in speech. And I know I'm a great speech
pathologist, so I thought, what, I have to really look at what's going on.
Kim Guche: 'cause
it's not the room we're in, it's not the school. It's, there's gotta be
something with me. [00:04:00] So I started,
thinking what would happen? What would happen? What? It's, it, I can't put it
on them. It's got, I have to look at me. What would happen if I meditate every
day before I come to school and got myself calmer.
Kim Guche: And I just
set, said it as like a random, let's do it as an experiment. And I noticed it
worked. I had two good days in a row and I thought, this can't, it can't just
be the meditation, could it? And I thought maybe it really is. So I, I got
outta my meditation routine. When my life changed, which was not a good thing
to do, but that's what happened.
Kim Guche: So I got
back into it, I got back meditating and it, I realized it had nothing to do
with my skill as a speech pathologist with the techniques I was using, with the
reinforcers, with the games we were playing. 'cause they liked all that. It,
they were getting dysregulated because I was dysregulated and. So I was
journaling at the time, and then I just started reflecting. And it brought me
back [00:05:00] to all the times when I was
raising my own kids. And my very sensitive son had said to me day, he said,
mommy, you're doing all, why are you, I'm doing all this crying because you're
doing all this yelling.
Kim Guche: And he was
having a day where he wouldn't stop crying. And I said what? Yelling? I haven't
yelled. He said, yes you are. Yes you are. You're yelling right here. Right
here. And he was like pointing, pointing to his chest. And I said, I have, this
mom hasn't yelled, so I don't know what mom, I don't know what mom you're
talking about.
Kim Guche: And then
I, but I didn't connect the dots back then. I, and then I thought back all the
times my other kids had brought up similar things about how, they could feel
that I wasn't okay on the inside, even though I tried to make it look like I
was on the outside. So I, in that moment when I was, working with that group of
kids, that, that classroom really changed it for me.
Kim Guche: That was
when I really thought I connected all the dots they [00:06:00]
behave better. Because they like you. They're connected. I, I thought like
it's, I first thought the, they don't, these kids don't like me. And then I
thought, no, that's not it. They do like me. And then once I got calmer, I
started seeing so much change.
Kim Guche: Kids that
were I was fighting with them to use their communication device. They were
throwing it across the room. They started using it. They started sitting on my
lap. They were calm. So I thought there's. There's a lot to this. And I, so
just, it was in phases, and I just started putting it together that 'cause the
biggest thing I ever wanted to do in my life was to be the best mom ever.
Kim Guche: That was
all I really ever wanted. I didn't wanna go to college. I didn't wanna be a
speech pathologist. I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be the best mom 'cause
I wanted to do better. And I thought. I'm failing at all times in my life where
I thought like I'm failing at this.
Kim Guche: 'cause I
was parenting from tr from trauma, like from a dysregulated nervous system,
which a lot of us [00:07:00] are. There's

Natalie Tealdi: oh
yeah,

Kim Guche: We're
often. I think moms are doing so many things at once all the time. And then we
beat ourselves up and we feel like it's us. And if our kids aren't okay, then
we're not okay.
Kim Guche: And we
feel like it's us as the problem.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
I've noticed that with myself. I'm, I tend to meditate every day, either in the
morning or the evening, but I really notice it. If I miss it for a couple of
days I'm not as regulated and the effect that has on my children. It really is
quite a big deal. Yeah try not to skip it now.
Kim Guche: I, yeah.
You think. Oh, what's the, if I just miss it, it's easy to miss. It's easy to
skip your workout, but then you skip your workout once, or you skip your
meditation once and it becomes easy to skip again. And it all piles up. And I
think as our kids are so tuned in to us, to the moms especially, and they, they
always want us, they're always scanning us to see if we're okay and [00:08:00] we.
Kim Guche: We work
overtime to make it so we are okay. Even when we're not. But they know, they
know when we're not and they know when we're trying to, smile on the outside.
But on the inside we're barely holding it together. So I think when I started
talking about it, like nervous system, first I thought, is that gonna make, is
that gonna be. Off putting to people. 'Cause it sounds big and it sounds heavy
and it sounds like, oh God, I gotta fix one more thing. But I want the message
about it to be, not that it's, you have to fix one more thing. It's like you
have the power. It's like giving you the key, you like, like instead of feeling
bad. I'm not doing, I'm not doing good enough because, moms shortchange, we
shortchange ourselves anyway all the time. 'cause we put the focus on the kids
and we think they need the help, so let's help them first. But it's like in the
airplane, they tell you have to put the, you have to put the mask on yourself [00:09:00] first before you can put it on the people
around you.
Kim Guche: And so if
I think like. When we are, 'cause we're the anchor for everything in the house
for the kids. And they're always looking to us. So I feel like who, who
doesn't, when the, just look at everything that's happening in the news all the
time and in the world, like who doesn't need the tools to be calmer?
Kim Guche: Like we,
we really all do.

Victoria Bennion: We
do. One of the things that you talk about is that we can't think our way out of
overwhelm. . So what can we do when we are dysregulated? I know you've
mentioned meditation.
Kim Guche: Because
you know any. Anytime we have a problem, right? The first thing we do is go to
our brain, like logically try. Let's try and solve it. Think our way out of a
problem. And, but but calm and regulation and be and grounded isn't in our
heads, it's in our body. And so you can't think, you're not gonna solve that [00:10:00] issue through your head.
Kim Guche: Like it
has to go, it has to go through your body. To get, calmer and more regulated
first. It's all body work. So simple things like even just imagining something
grounding like a tree, or, very simple things like even just like the havening,
from shoulders down to elbows.
Kim Guche: 'Cause
that's a comforting, that's a comforting, cue for the body and it bring, it, it
communicates a sense of safety to the nervous system. When we're overwhelmed or
anxious or stressed, if if we all, if we paid attention to our breathing, we're
mostly holding our breath or breathing from here, breathing shallow.
Kim Guche: And when
we breathe like that, it sends signals to the body that there's danger and that
we're not okay. So even. Paying attention and doing different breath patterns
to regulate or even shaking, shaking out the overwhelm, doing something in the
body to, [00:11:00] get to get rid of it. M
moving it, moving it through instead of we hold it and then we, what do most
people do?
Kim Guche: We try and
push through it or ignore it. So that's what I mean by you can't think your way
to it. It has to happen through the body.

Victoria Bennion:
that makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

Natalie Tealdi: And
can you explain why holding it together is not the same as being regulated?

Kim Guche: Again
because like that example that I said about my kids they know. A lot of, I feel
as. As the generations go on, like these the kids younger and younger are more
and more sensitive. We're seeing a lot of kids that are really and it's a
blessing and a curse to be that sensitive.
Kim Guche: They're
very sensitive and tuned in and they, they're sensory systems are easily
overloaded and easily set off. But, they're also very perceptive and tuned in
to people even when, even if it may seem like they're not but nervous systems [00:12:00] communicate with each other and it's like
a, a.
Kim Guche: It's kinda
like a two-way radio device. Like your nervous system is always scanning the
environment to look for cues of safety or danger because one, the primary
function of the subconscious mind and nervous system, one of those primary
functions is to keep us safe and get us out of danger. So many things happen in
a split second outside of conscious awareness, and so kids are always scanning.
Kim Guche:
Environment, but they're also tuning into us to see is this person that's
supposed to keep me safe? Is that person okay? And so when we try and put on
okay on the outside, so we're smiling or we're, using a quieter tone of voice
or even slowing our speech rate, or if we're feeling tense or worried or we're
anticipating a meltdown or, we're in public and we're like, oh, what's what?
How's this gonna go? Because if your child [00:13:00]
is set off by. lights or fire engine goes by you, you're always like this,
wait, what's gonna happen? So on the inside, even though you might try be
trying to smile and hold it together you're probably giving a, an unconscious
cue like you're holding tension or gritting your teeth or showing on your body.
Kim Guche: There's
those other subtle cues that indicate your tense. The kids pick that up. But
mostly what they do, what they can sense is the feeling of you. So they're
looking for the signal, like what you show me on the outside, you're trying to
show me everything's okay, but I can feel you on the inside and you're not.
Kim Guche: And so
what does that mean? Because it's not a, it's not a congruent signal. They
don't, all of this is unconscious, right? It's all nervous system language.
They don't know that this is how it's going, but. They feel it like, my, my son
had said, you're yelling and my daughter had said before, whatever's happening
with you, it [00:14:00] hurts me.
Kim Guche: I like, I
can feel it in my chest. So they are, when they, when a child can't put that
together, the outside and the inside don't match, it gets them more
dysregulated 'cause they can't make sense of it.
Victoria Bennion:
Okay, this is reminding me a little bit of my dog training because,

Kim Guche: It's kinda

Kim Guche: yeah.

Victoria Bennion: my
dog's

Fighting for Change: The SEND Rally Experience

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we wanted to share with you our experiences of attending the fight for Ordinary Send Rally at Parliament Square Gardens in London last Monday, the 15th September.
Key Takeaways
Community Support: The rally highlighted the importance of community and connection among parents and advocates in the SEND space, fostering a sense of solidarity.
The Importance of Advocacy: Attending the rally underscored the need for collective advocacy to bring attention to the challenges faced by SEND families.
Emotional Experiences: Both hosts shared their feelings of anxiety and excitement about attending the rally, illustrating the complexity of leaving their children to advocate for change.
Speaker Impact: Key speakers at the rally, including politicians and advocates, provided hope and insight into the ongoing struggles and needs within the SEND system.
Parliamentary Debate: Following the rally, a significant parliamentary debate took place, emphasising the urgency of addressing SEND issues and the need for accountability in the system.
Recommendations for Change: The episode detailed recommendations made by MPs to improve SEND accountability, including strengthening the SEND Tribunal and ensuring compliance with existing laws.
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
Victoria
Bennion: [00:00:00] Welcome
back to the Autism Mums podcast. Today we wanted to share with you
our experiences of attending the fight for Ordinary Send Rally at
Parliament Square Gardens in London last Monday, the 15th. It was so
amazing to come together with the rest of the community but we just
wanted to jump on quickly and do a short episode about it to let
those of you know who couldn't be there, what went down.
Natalie
Tealdi: It was so good to be there. We know many others
wanted to come but couldn't. It isn't easy to coordinate, but somehow
the stars aligned for us to attend. Please know that we took you all
there with us in spirit.
Victoria
Bennion: I felt really lucky that we could be there. I
don't know about you, Nat, but it wouldn't always be possible. And I
know for so many parents and carers who wanted to be there, but they
couldn't. Ironically, because some of them have got their children
out of school, they're driving miles to get their children into
school.

You know, it's specialist
provision. So. [00:01:00] Yeah, I think
we were really lucky that we had the opportunity to be there in the
first place.

Natalie
Tealdi: It was a strange day for me because it's the first
time I've left both of my children for the whole day. It felt very
weird just packing a bag for myself and no one else. It was nice to
not have to feel like a pack horse for once. I did have some anxiety
about how they would be without me, but I felt it was so important
for us to be there, so I just had to focus on that.

Victoria
Bennion: To set the picture, so I got up at five 30 to
walk the dog. I know, many of you will know, sometimes it's not easy
and it takes a lot of planning to be able to get out of the house for
a day.

We're in Dorset, so it's about
a three hour train ride to London. I walked the dog on the beach with
my mom in the pitch black. First, and then Natalie drove over to us
and then we got the car down to the station and my daughter came with
us as, she's not in school at the moment. [00:02:00]
She's been out of school for a year now.

And it was so nice. When we
got onto the next station, some of our friends joined and actually
one of our friends, we took a moment. We were just talking about how
we actually met in the school playground when our children were
struggling, and she assumed that.

, My son had autism as she
offered to land defenders. Natalie, you'd already met, her separately
at a party. I know. It was just funny that we've been on this journey
together and that we were off to London to the protest there came
some other moms who belonged to Carmen's Fix Send Dorsett group.

So that was great to meet some
new faces. And again, you have so much in common and everybody's
fighting for the same thing.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah, that was really lovely.

Victoria
Bennion: Obviously over the weekend there had been some
other very large rallies in London. So we'd certainly had family
members who were a bit nervous about us going up to London, but
[00:03:00] there was absolutely no sign
of it when we arrived. It was a really peaceful rally. It's my first
rally.

Was it for your first rally
too? Nat??

Natalie
Tealdi: Yes, it was

we were there early and as we
walked over the bridge, a few people were already gathered. The
ground was damp and boggy, from the rain, and the wind was quite
strong. But that didn't dampen our spirits. Did it look.

Victoria
Bennion: It was a nice, friendly atmosphere. We were just
surrounded by other people just like us who were all on the same
path, who understood. One of the speakers actually said that. Our
community, deserved an award for filling in the most paperwork.

And actually, if you just
looked around the whole of Parliament Square that was so true because
all of us have sat there writing E HCPs, DLA forms advocating for our
children. It's a lot of paperwork. So that did cause a laugh.

Natalie
Tealdi: It was a lighthearted moment that I think we can
all relate to.

Victoria
Bennion: Everybody there was so friendly people were
[00:04:00] chatting, asking each other
stories. We just all wanted to support each other to support the
rally and you know, ultimately be heard by the government before the
debate.

The rally was more than just
about raising our voices. It was really about connection as well. And
we loved meeting parents, advocates and creators. We follow online,
didn't we?

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah, that was definitely the highlight for me.

Victoria
Bennion: It was great to meet the autism dads whose
podcast we listened to and also Fiona from. It's that parent in real
life, although I didn't realize it was her.

To start with, she was
speaking to our friend Carmen, and you know when you see her face and
then you, you're trying to place it. It wasn't actually until the
next day that I realized that she was Fiona from, it's that parent
who I follow on Instagram, so that was really cool as well.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah, it's a funny one, isn't it? I think when you
follow people online, sometimes, like if you see them in real life,
you think you're gonna say hello 'cause you think that they know you
because you follow them. So it could be [00:05:00]
like a really strange sort of feeling 'cause you feel like you know
them really well, but they don't have a clue who you are at all.

So, like in your case you see
them and you can't place them and you dunno why, and then suddenly
you're back on social media and you think, ah, that's who they were.

Victoria
Bennion: The organizers had done such a fantastic job. I
didn't really know what to expect, but they put out a map to show us
where we needed to head When we left the station, they told us where
there were nearby cafes, toilets, all those things. Making it really
comfortable and accessible for, people to attend.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah, they really had planned it all out so well.
I mean, so much work must have gone into it. So yeah, it was really
good.

Victoria
Bennion: And they had such a fantastic speaker lineup. Ed
Davey was there and he spoke and he was really great. The chair of
the education select committee came along, Helen Hayes.

There was former teacher and
neurodiversity advocate, Pete [00:06:00]
Wharmby, comedian and send parent, Alistair Barry was very funny. He
gave a great speech. There were also some younger campaigners, which
was really amazing to see and really to hear from their point of view
the effects that this system has had on them.

So there was Kate Nellist and
there was Charlotte Tall who were really impressive young people who
gave fantastic speeches, immigration lawyer and send parent Harjap
Bangal was there and the CEO of global child and maternal health.
Agnes aga pong

Natalie
Tealdi: how cool was it that Kelly Bright was there being
filmed for a Panorama documentary?

I remember watching her on TV
when we were Kids, I can't even remember the name of the program now,

Victoria
Bennion: I think it was called Teabag, you know, and then
there was that little boy t-shirt.

Natalie
Tealdi: But I think she's in East Enders now, isn't she?
But that was quite cool.

Natalie
Tealdi: She. And Jess from our train group was interviewed
for the Panorama documentary, so hopefully she'll be featured in
that, [00:07:00] which would be really
good.

Victoria
Bennion: It's great to see some, people with higher
profiles there just helping get attention for this issue.

Ed Davey really seemed to get
it, didn't he? As a send parent himself. It was great to hear him
sharing his personal insights and his own frustrations. And I think
like just hearing from him gave us hope that our voices are being
heard.

Natalie
Tealdi: The time flew by and it was soon all over and time
to head back to Waterloo to get the train home. We managed to find
this really nice, quiet restaurant to get a drink and a quick bite to
eat before getting on the train. And for me anyway, it was a much
needed moment of calm after all of the buzz of the rally.

I just really needed that time
to just decompress.

Victoria
Bennion: So following the rally, we were on the train on
the way home. I think by this point we headed off about half past
three 'cause obviously it's quite, takes quite a while. And then we
had children to be back for but after the rally there was a
parliamentary debate, which followed as a result of the petition
promoted [00:08:00] by the special needs
jungle and save our children's rights, which actually garnered over
125,000 signatures,

Natalie
Tealdi: We learned from the special needs jungle that the
debate lasted over three hours. MPS shared their personal experiences
regarding the State of SEND in the UK with Ros Savage mp. Leading the
discussion, many emphasized the lack of trust and accountability in
the Send system alongside heart wrenching stories from families.

Victoria
Bennion: IPSEA published a summary of the Education Select
Committee's report on solving the Send Crisis on Thursday, the 18th
of September. And in it it said that the mps have rejected the idea
of dismantling the sends legal framework and supported calls for the
system to work as it should.

They emphasize that the
solution can't be to remove statutory entitlements from a system that
already lacks accountability. Yay.

Natalie
Tealdi: And that's a really crucial point. The report
highlights a welcome focus on improving [00:09:00]
accountability. Mps recommend that OFSTED and CQC inspectors check
for compliance with the law on supporting children with send and give
lower ratings to local authorities. Failing in this area.

Victoria
Bennion: Mps also agree that the government must extend
the powers of the local government and social care ombudsmen to cover
complaints about the delivery of EHC plans and send support in
schools. So it really is a time for proper action.

Natalie
Tealdi: They also stated that the Send Tribunal must
remain and the government should monitor, send tribunal outcomes to
identify local authorities that repeatedly failed to comply with
their statutory duties. We are cheering for that one.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah, and there's more. The Education Select
Committee believes the Send Tribunal should be able to issue legally
binding rulings to health services, not just education providers. And
that's a huge step forward for accountability.

Natalie
Tealdi: Mps recognize that restoring parents' [00:10:00]
confidence in the send system isn't just about involving parents.
It's about ensuring the law is followed so that children receive the
support they need.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah, this gives us real hope for positive
change, but we are not there yet.

Natalie
Tealdi: We feel the rally was a really positive day. We've
shown the government that we will be heard and we will fight for our
children. It'll be interesting to see what happens in the coming
weeks, but one thing is for sure, we are more united than ever and
the flight will continue.

Victoria
Bennion: For sure.

Thank you for joining us for
this quick episode and we'll keep you updated on any developments and
continue advocating for change.

Natalie
Tealdi: And remember, we really wanna hear your stories
too. Share your experiences with us and keep the conversation going.

Victoria
Bennion: Until next time, take care

Food Anxiety: When Eating Becomes a Struggle

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we talk openly about what happens when eating stops feeling simple and starts feeling scary. We unpack ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) and explore how it differs from 'picky eating, sharing our real-life experiences.
Key Takeaways
Identical packaging and familiar brands can build trust.
Safe foods can be very limited, for some children under 10 items
When anxiety spikes with transitions like back-to-school often shrink food choices.
“They’ll eat if they’re hungry” advice can escalate fear and refusal.
Texture, temperature, smell, colour and broken food can be deal-breakers.
We've found reintroducing once-safe foods during calm periods and follow the child’s curiosity can sometimes be successful

Mentioned in This Episode
BEAT Eating Disorders
ARFID Awareness UK
National Autistic Society
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
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Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
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Transcript
Victoria Bennion:
Hello and welcome back to the Autism Moms podcast. Today we're talking about
something that many families quietly battle with every day. When eating stops
feeling simple and starts feeling scary. You'll hear us mention ARFID quite a
lot.
Natalie Tealdi: ARFID
is avoidant restrictive food intake disorder, which is more commonly known as
ARFID. It's a condition characterized by , the person avoiding certain foods or
types of foods having restricted intake in terms of overall amount eaten or
both?
Any anyone of any age can have a i. It occurs in children,
teenagers, and adults. Although people with ARFID may lose weight or have low
weight, this is not a criteria for ARFID. It can occur at any weight and varies
in different people.
Victoria Bennion: If
you are wondering, is this just picky eating? We'll talk about a few signposts
that could indicate it may be more. We'll share our family's [00:01:00] experiences and the ways we found to
support our children. As always, we are here to share our own experiences in
the hope that they may be useful.
Not to diagnose. If anything you hear raises concerns, do speak
with your GP or a qualified clinician.

Natalie Tealdi: So
Victoria, I think you have the best knowledge out of both of us on this one. Do
you wanna talk a bit about your

experiences?

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah. I can talk about our experiences. So my son doesn't have a diagnosis of a
ARFID, but in his autism diagnosis, he's noted as having ARFID behaviors. This
was explained to me as the reason was there very strict criteria that a child
had to meet to actually get a diagnosis of ARFID.
That you can have behaviors and a lot of autistic children are
affected by a ARFID,

And so this is because. Many autistic people experience sensory
issues and sensory [00:02:00] overload, and
that then leads to a heightened sensitivity when it comes to eating, resulting
in the symptoms and behaviors of ARFID.
Natalie Tealdi: How
would you say, you know, if it's picky eating or if it's ARFID?

Victoria Bennion: I
can talk about that with my son. If you're looking at your child, and are
wondering if this is more than picky eating, so things to be aware of or are
they avoiding major food groups? I know my son certainly was. So fruit, meat,
vegetables are they reacting to the different temperatures?
Are they having sensitivity to the textures? Could they be
gagging, retching? Have they gone over that spell of, they're not toddlers
anymore. They may be plus six. That's something to consider. And if their diet
is limited, I believe it's to less than 10 foods. That's another indicator of
ARFID or a behaviors.
Perhaps not noticing that they're hungry. I know that's
something my son certainly struggles with, [00:03:00]
identifying that he's hungry or just missing meals entirely. Avoiding food at
social events or avoiding social events where there is food Parties were always
so difficult for us. We would never sit at the food table.
We would have to go well away from that. Thank you very much.
Struggling to stay at the table during meal times.

In terms of timeline. I think he was about one and a half what
he would eat really narrowed. But that's quite common for this sage group and
it's often called food neo phobia. And I took him to the doctor at the time,

and I was just told that he would outgrow it. It was picky
eating. It was very normal for this stage of development. I don't know. I went
with that at the time. I was a bit uneasy about it. The things that he was
eating were waffles and I think it was probably fish finger. I've got this
written down somewhere because we did take him to an occupational therapist at
the time because it was really concerning.
We didn't think [00:04:00] he
was eating enough. The only fruit he would eat was raspberries at that time.
And then interestingly, it had to be a specific number of raspberries. And he
clearly was very anxious around eating. It was real anxiety about eating foods.
So he just said the same thing over and over every day.
I think the GP said to me that around five, he would've
outgrown it. And it was before that we took him to the occupational therapist.
'cause she's the one that gave me quite an interesting assessment, which I
didn't realize at the time that she must have been thinking along the autism
lines.
'cause she observed a lot of other things in his behavior and
when I went back to that, when we were going through the diagnosis process
yeah, it was interesting to see what she picked up, like lining up the toys,
grouping them by order of color, things like that. But in terms of the food, so
she gave us some tips at that time and it was to try to get him to play with
food. Touch [00:05:00] food. So I remember we
used to do it, we used to get different bowls out of different textured foods,
and it was really me playing with it. He would touch it a bit, but the idea was
that eventually he would, get some under his hands and lick it. But he never
did.
He never did. So his diet really didn't expand from what it was
about one and a half. Still principally the same things he eats at 11.

There has been some expansion, but we've also lost some safe
foods, but it's not hugely different.

Natalie Tealdi: Okay.

And so when it came to the early stages of when it was all
changing and his foods were reducing, what sort of behaviors were you seeing
then? Was he getting upset

Victoria Bennion:
Really upset about the food and just fully refusing, but yet very upset with
the refusing. His speech was delayed so he didn't have any words to be able to
tell us. I dunno if you remember when we went to Florida, so he was almost two,
[00:06:00] this was when it was very noticeable
and I remember before we left being so worried about what he would eat over
there. And we went to the supermarket when we got there and bought Oreos. He
was eating Oreos, still eats Oreos, and he would eat chips and sometimes he
would eat chicken nuggets at that point. So that's mainly what he had the whole
time we were there. I do remember there was one day where he tried a cube of
watermelon,
Natalie Tealdi: Okay.

Victoria Bennion:
That was it.

And as I said, he didn't speak at that time, so he couldn't
communicate. Exactly what the problems were. I was thinking because he had some
food sensitivities that they seem to run in our family for dairy. So we had
trouble with dairy and I was wondering if it was anything related, it was maybe
food allergy line at that point, at about one and a half, but I think that was
just separate.
Natalie Tealdi: And
do you find the appearance of food makes a difference to him?

Victoria Bennion:
Yes, there's a [00:07:00] huge difference. So
there was, when he was in reception they were doing an activity with potatoes
and they were making it into faces, and he was so horrified at the look of the
potato that he had to be. Taken to join a different year group in a different
classroom, away from the food, and it was at a parent's evening that the
teacher told me that they always had to remove him for any food related
activities.
Just the look of it just. He didn't wanna be in the same room
as it, and that's still a big issue. He'll talk about the horror of broken
food. Now he can talk and express it. And I realized that he thinks pretty
differently about food than than I do for sure. And the other morning, as we've
talked before, he has a very restricted diet.
It's not what you would class as a. As a healthy diet, I'm
sure. But fed is best. And we have to get the calories in. So he'll usually
start a [00:08:00] day. At the moment it's with
a Yorkie bar, and it was the first day going back to school, so already
anxious. And I went to check on him. I'd taken him the Yorkie.
He likes to eat by himself. That's another thing on the hold.
It's much more it's much more easier for him to eat on his own in his room. And
I said, how are you? How's everything? He said, terrible. I said, oh gosh,
what's the matter? Thinking school related anxiety? And he's the Yorkie's
broken in half.
I said, that's okay. We have about a hundred of them
downstairs. That's one for me. We will find you a whole one. It's that still
bothers him to the extent that it bothered him when he was tiny. If food is
broken food has to be just so when you cook for a child with.
ARFID behaviors, it's, you get used to it. So you asking me
about it, I'm having to think, what do we do? But honestly, so potato waffles,
they have to be perfect. And what perfect looks like has changed over the
years. So they used to need to be very lightly cooked to the bare [00:09:00] minimum. Then he went through a stage of
wanting them a bit more.
Well done now. It's somewhere in between, but they can't look
too brown. They can't have marks on them. And you wouldn't believe that
Birdseye, at one point they, they must have had a dodgy batch of potatoes. I
don't know. But there were black little spots in these waffles and. They come
out of the oven and I feel the horror.
I'm like, oh my God, he's never gonna eat. This is gonna be
rejected. So I i've spent ages trying to lift out the black bits and pat it
down so it doesn't look like it. Another thing is I've cooked them in a toaster
before and then they like curled up. , It's a real big deal trying to get it
right. And once I find that once it's wrong,
Natalie Tealdi: mm

Victoria Bennion:
it's not a case of, oh, we'll cook some new ones. We are done.

Natalie Tealdi:
Right.

Victoria Bennion:
might be that he can't face eating anything the rest of the night. It might be
that I can get crisps.

I say crisps, eat PO bears or a safe food [00:10:00] that's a snack food. We couldn't do
anything cooked again, unless it was McDonald's. McDonald's are trusted,

Natalie Tealdi: going
back to the waffles and the different looks and what's acceptable and what
isn't. Is he able to communicate? Why?

Victoria Bennion: He
told me the other day, 'cause you've been on fish fingers for a while, just one
fish finger. And he nearly threw up when he bit into one and he said it was
because it was too crunchy. And then it was soft and it was cold. I promised it
wasn't cold when I served it.
But then.

He'd spent quite a long time looking at it before he could get
up the courage to try it. So actually for the first time we've ditched anxiety
makes the eating worse for my son, which I believe is quite common.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So
at stressful times, the food is gonna be the first thing that goes If it's, if
other things are going on that are really stressful, we really need to be on
the safe food. And certainly that week [00:11:00]
before they return to school. I think we went to McDonald's. It was three
times, four times, maybe that week, because McDonald's,
you get the same, don't you? Every time. It doesn't vary, and
then that creates feelings of safety. This was explained to me actually. I did
a BEAT eating disorder course a couple of years ago. It was one that the
SENDCO, his school recommended to me and it was so helpful. We were talking
about another thing that he really hated so he likes chocolate but soft
centers,
oh my goodness. The horror. If you bit into something and it
would say caramel in the middle, it would, really panicked and. The woman
taking the course explained to me, it's because of that trust factor.

So it looks like one thing on the outside. You bite into it.
It's not, it's something different. She said, take a blueberry for example,
looks blue on the outside. You bite into it, it's all white.

It's not the same [00:12:00]
texture. That course was so helpful to me in understanding it and understanding
why say, so raspberries were his solid fruit for a while until he had a sour
one.
And I think that's the difficulty isn't it? Was like live food,
non-processed food, that

Natalie Tealdi:
Particularly fruit.

Victoria Bennion:
particularly fruit. Sometimes it's sweet, sometimes it's sour, sometimes it's
firmer, sometimes it's softer and. If you are anxious and you don't trust that
food, so
It's very tricky.

Natalie Tealdi: I
mean we do have, similar with my son but most recently would you believe so he
has oat milk. And the other day he refused to drink it because he said it
tasted watery. And I thought, I was thinking, boy, it's the same one he has all
the time. And then I looked on the packet and it had the, you know the thing we
all fear, new recipe.
I thought, oh my [00:13:00]
goodness, that's what it is. They've changed the recipe and now he won't have
it.

Victoria Bennion:
They're so sensitive that they detect this. We've had this with foods too, or
even if it's the same that the package has changed,

Natalie Tealdi: Yes.

Victoria Bennion:
then that trust has gone again.

Natalie Tealdi: I've
had that with crisps, like they'd been running a promotion and he didn't want
to eat them because of this. The packet looked different because they had the
promotion on. It's like, why did he have to do that?
And do you find the safe foods change or are the safe foods,
and that's it.

Victoria Bennion: The
safe foods might come and go a bit, if I need to add a food back in, often the
first thing I'll try is a food that used to be on the safe list.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:
Sainsbury's want sent out these. Letters to the customers you may remember,

Natalie Tealdi: I do

Victoria Bennion: and
we got one saying that we have bought the most Mr.

Kipling angel cakes in the whole of the town. There [00:14:00] is not something that you

Natalie Tealdi: not
something to be proud of.

Victoria Bennion: not
something to be proud of, but there was a while when angel cakes were really a
massive part of his diet. And do you know why? Because they come individually
wrapped. They're rectangular, they look the same, except for when they don't.
But for a long time they were trustable cakes that came any,
home baked cakes that varied in their shapes and their sizes and their tastes
not so trustable when he was very tiny. Particularly angel cakes were the
staple. Now, things that make us lose it is. They can be a bit tricky to pull
apart.
I dunno if you've had this, the plastic can stick, sometimes it
lets a gap in and he had one and it wasn't as fresh. So they were off for a
while. He'll look around the side and check it. And sometimes they have a
little air bubble in there. And now he'll say to me, no, I can't have that
because of that.
When he was younger, he wouldn't express the why. It would be a
full, no. He can't then go on from there and [00:15:00]
debate why an air bubble would be a problem.

Sometimes I've tried. Eating it myself and saying, it's, it
doesn't do me any harm if that's what you're worried about. But he can't
articulate to that point what that problem is.

But yes, and back on the Angel case thing, the worst part of
that was just sainbury's. That didn't count the angel cakes that we bought at
Morrison's and the other shops as well.

Natalie Tealdi: Okay.

Victoria Bennion: And
we have expanded in recent years to burgers a little bit, and that though is
the McDonald's effect.

He has a good amount of trust in McDonald's. He had...

The UK Government's Proposed SEND Reforms

Tue, 09 Sep 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about the UK Government's proposed SEND reforms and what they might mean for families like ours.
Key Takeaways
Understanding EHCPs: An EHCP (Education, Health and Care Plan) is a legal document that outlines a child's special educational needs and the necessary support for their educational journey.
Rising Demand: The number of EHCPs has significantly increased, with 638,745 in place as of January 2025, reflecting a 10.8% rise from the previous year, highlighting the growing demand for support.
Concerns About Reforms: There is considerable concern that the upcoming SEND reforms may reduce support rather than improve the system, especially given the government’s acknowledgment that local authorities are struggling to meet demand.
Legal Protections: Many families fear that proposed changes could eliminate essential legal protections currently provided by EHCPs, which are crucial for ensuring children receive the support they need.
Impact of Delays: Families often experience delays in securing EHCPs, with only 46.4% of new plans issued within the statutory timeframe of 20 weeks, leading to unmet educational needs.
Emotional Toll on Families: The process of securing an EHCP can be overwhelming, contributing to stress and burnout for families, who often feel they are fighting an uphill battle for their children's rights.
Consequences of Exclusion: Statistics indicate that permanent exclusions from schools have risen by 39%, disproportionately affecting children with SEND and leading to significant emotional and academic consequences.
Teacher Training Needs: Many teachers report a lack of adequate training to support children with SEND, impacting classroom management and the overall learning environment.
Investment in Support: Investing in early support and adequate resources for both children and educators is essential for fostering a productive and inclusive educational environment.
Call to Action: Parents and carers are encouraged to advocate for their children's needs by engaging with local MPs, participating in consultations, and joining community efforts like the Fight for Ordinary SEND Rally to ensure their voices are heard.
Connect with The Autism Mums
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Transcript
Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Today
we're talking about a topic that's been on many parents' minds, the
UK government's proposed send reforms, and what they might mean
for families like ours.

Natalie Tealdi: To start things off, let's define what an EHCP is
and why it matters. An EHCP or Education, health and Care plan is a
legal document that outlines a child's special educational needs and
the support that they must receive at school and beyond.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah. The thing is that these plans are essential
because they ensure that children receive the necessary support to
thrive. However, the possibility of eh HCPs being scrapped has like
understandably left so many of us feeling anxious about the future of
our children. Eh, HCPs aren't often something that are easy to get
and a lot of families have fought really hard to secure them.

Natalie
Tealdi: So what's changing? The government has stated that
the send system is on its knees and that local authorities are
struggling to meet. Demand [00:01:00]
reforms are expected to be announced in October, but there's
considerable concern among parents and professionals that these
changes could reduce support rather than address existing problems.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah, that's a significant worry. An EHCP is a
legally binding document that ensures children and young people with
special educational needs in England receive appropriate support from
their local authority. It's vital for their educational journey and
overall wellbeing.

Natalie
Tealdi: Definitely full details of the proposed changes
are due in October, but ministers have not ruled out scrapping the
education plans altogether, insisting that no decisions have been
made yet. This uncertainty is particularly troubling, especially in
light of recent welfare changes prompted by a rebellion among back
bench labor mps.

The education secretary
indicated that this has made future spending decisions harder, which
just adds to the anxiety

Victoria
Bennion: right, and, the numbers tell a compelling
[00:02:00] story. Data from the
Department for Education released in June showed that the number of
EH HCPs had increased significantly in January, 2025. There were ,
638,745 eh HCPs in place, reflecting a 10.8% increase from the
previous year.

Natalie
Tealdi: and it doesn't end there. The number of new plans
initiated during 2024 grew by 15.8% compared to the previous year
reaching 97,747. Requests for children to be assessed for eh HCPs
rose by 11.8% to 154,489 in 2023. Just illustrating the increasing
demand for support, which local authorities are struggling to manage.

Victoria
Bennion: A spokesperson from the Department for Education
has attempted to reassure us stating we have been clear that there
are no [00:03:00] plans to abolish, send
Tribunals, or to remove funding or support from children, families,
and schools. However, many of us remain skeptical given the ongoing
challenges.

And earlier today, Nat, you
sent me the response to the government's petition that we signed, the
retain legal right to assessment and support in education for
children with SEND. I think what's really important here is reading
between the lines in what they say. So you know, they open with.
There will always be a legal right to additional support for children
with Send.

No decisions have been made on
changes to legislation. We are engaging with families on improvements
to send provision as part of our Plan for Change. We're determined to
improve the system of support for children with Send and their
families. We are working to restore families' trust by ensuring early
years schools and post 16 settings have the tools to better identify
and meet need earlier, and ensure more children and young [00:04:00]
people can receive their education in inclusive, mainstream settings
with their peers.

We are committed to. I think
this is the bit you willing need to listen to ensuring a legal right
to additional support for children and young people with sand,
ensuring all children and young people have the support they need to
achieve and thrive improving inclusivity and expertise in mainstream
schools, as well as ensuring swift access to special schools for
children and young people with the most complex needs.

That's what's causing me
massive concern. That sounds to me that . Only children that are
deemed to have complex needs deemed by whom you know, and the rest is
the plan just to keep them in mainstream school because I very much
doubt that my son or even your son And many other children would be
deemed to have complex needs.

Neither can they access
[00:05:00] mainstream schools. So where
does that leave them? I will carry on and, and read the rest of the
letter. So the next bullet point and we are committed to is restoring
confidence in the system of support for children and young people
with send so that they all get the chance to achieve and thrive in
their education.

Any changes we make will
improve support for families, stop parents from having to fight for
support and protect effective support currently in place. Details of
the government's intended approach to strengthening the Send System
will be set out in a school's white paper in the autumn. As part of
developing our approach, we are working with parents and young people
organizations, which represent parents, local authorities, send
organizations and education settings across the country as well as
sector experts, we share the widespread view that improvements to the
send system are badly needed. The forthcoming consultation on the
white paper [00:06:00] will be key to
shaping the reforms of the send system so that every child and young
person so achieve and thrive, and we continue to break down barriers
to opportunity.

Natalie
Tealdi: While the
increase in eh HCPs is a positive sign, it underscores the urgent
need for adequate resources. Since their introduction in 2014, the
number of children and young people with EHC plans has consistently
risen. However, the percentage of plans issued within the statutory
timeframe of 20 weeks has decreased.

In 2024, only 46.4% of new EHC
plans were issued on time, which is down from 50.3% in 2023.

Victoria
Bennion: These statistics are concerning. They indicate
that despite more children being recognized as needing support, the
system is struggling to deliver the support promptly. Families often
find themselves waiting with their children's educational [00:07:00]
needs going unmet.

Natalie
Tealdi: This is just so frustrating. The percentage of
requests that led to an assessment has also slightly declined. 65.4%
of requests of assessments proceeded in 2024, down from 67.3% the
previous year. This contributes to the anxiety and uncertainties
family experience as they navigate the system.

Victoria
Bennion: It is a challenging situation. Many parents have
witnessed firsthand the delays, the underfunding, the gaps in the
mental health services like cams. And the concern is that instead of
addressing these systemic issues the government might eliminate the
very protections families depend on.

Natalie
Tealdi: That's the crux of the issue. Families are already
facing significant challenges, and the thought of losing essential
support is really distressing. We need to keep advocating for the
rights of our children and ensure that their voices are heard in this
ongoing discussion.

So let's explore why e
[00:08:00] HCPs are crucial. We began
the process for getting our son's ZHTP while he was in mainstream
school before his diagnosis. This was after he had struggled so much
in the first year at school where he was mostly outside for the whole
day, and also on a reduced timetable. His ZHCP is reviewed annually
and it's such a valuable document.

It's something that teachers
and other professionals can refer to so they can understand our son's
needs in a lot of detail. So, as an example, he has a new teacher
this year and she's able to look at his ZHCP to understand his
profile, any difficulties he has, his stage of education and
development. The annual reviews are a great way to check.

He's being fully supported and
to track his progress and set goals for his future. If he didn't have
that document, I'd be concerned and anxious about him getting the
support he needs so that he can succeed in school. It holds everyone
accountable. If we didn't have that and [00:09:00]
perhaps he wasn't being supported in the right way, his education
could fall apart really quickly, which could have a really big impact
on his future.

Victoria
Bennion: I really echo what you've said here for my son
too. His EHCP is essential to ensuring his needs are met. It's scary
to think what could happen to him without it.

It underscores the importance
of timely and appropriate support for our children. I mean, there's
so many stories of families who are made to wait years for an EHCP
leaving their children, you know, completely out of school during
that time. We know from our community that waiting lists and delays
leave families struggling to find resources.

Natalie
Tealdi: Exactly. This situation is about more than just
education. It directly impacts our children's wellbeing. Statistics
show that permanent exclusions from schools have risen by 39%
disproportionately affecting children with send these exclusions can
lead to severe [00:10:00] academic and
emotional consequences. I mean, we have experience of the impact of
suspensions and they can be so damaging to the child.

Victoria
Bennion: When children are excluded, as I know you've
experienced Nat, they often face isolation, anxiety, and a sense of
hopelessness. Many miss out on essential social interactions, which
are vital for their development. It's not just that it's a loss of
education. It's a loss of stability and connection as well.

Natalie
Tealdi: It really does make me cross that this happens to
children of 5, 6, 7 years of age, and the reason is they are not
being supported in the way that they need to be. Teachers just don't
have the knowledge and skills that they need.

When eh HCPs are implemented
effectively, they can transform outcomes. They provide safe pathways
to school and access to teaching assistance, which are crucial for
helping navigate their education environment. Families report that
having an EHCP means their child receives [00:11:00]
tailored support, whether it's specialized teaching methods therapy,
or other accommodations.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah, that's right. E HCPs also ensure that
children can access specialist services, including speech and
language therapy, occupational therapy, or mental health support.
Without these essential provisions, children may struggle to reach
their full potential, which is so sad.

Natalie
Tealdi: The legal protections associated with eh HCPs
empower parents to advocate effectively for their children. They
create a framework for accountability, enabling families to challenge
inadequate provisions. Without these protections, parents
often feel overwhelmed and powerless.

Victoria
Bennion: And we must acknowledge the emotional toll this
process takes on families. The stress of navigating the system as we
well know, along with worries about their child's future. It can just
be so overwhelming. Families find themselves [00:12:00]
tirelessly advocating for basic support, which can lead to burnout
and feelings of isolation.

We see it everywhere.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yes, this is so true. We hear from parents who
feel like they're engaged in a relentless battle. Securing an EHCP is
often fraught with challenges from paperwork to meetings, and delays
can be incredibly frustrating. Despite documented needs, the system
often fails to deliver timely support.

Victoria
Bennion: And the longer families wait for an EHCP, the
more detrimental the impact on their children's development. We know
early intervention is key delays can lead to missed opportunities
causing children to fall further behind their peers with long lasting
consequences.

Natalie
Tealdi: The ripple effects extend beyond education into
mental health, social skills, and even physical health. Children
without appropriate support are at a higher risk of developing
anxiety and depression, creating a cycle that we desperately need to
break.

Victoria
Bennion: So it's [00:13:00]
clear that when ECPs function as intended, they do provide crucial
support and pathways to success. But when they fall short, the
consequences can be dire, not only for the child, but for the entire
family.

Natalie
Tealdi: We must continue advocating for a system that
works for all families, ensuring that every child receives the
support they need, the stakes are too high to ignore this issue. It's
essential that we keep the conversation going and push for meaningful
reforms that truly address our children's needs.

Now, while the government
often discusses the financial implications of eh HCPs, let's consider
the broader costs of not providing these essential plans. What are
the repercussions?

Victoria
Bennion: That's a vital question. When parents are
compelled to leave work to care for their children, it impacts not
just their family, but also the economy at large. The loss of tax
revenue from parents stepping away from their careers is significant
and places [00:14:00] additional strain
on public services.

Natalie
Tealdi: Absolutely. The immediate financial burden is just
the tip of the iceberg. We must also consider the long-term
consequences. Families who struggle to secure appropriate support
often face higher health and social care costs later.

For instance, the children
without adequate support are more likely to experience mental health
challenges, which can lead to increased demand for healthcare
services.

Victoria
Bennion: Exactly long-term...

Back to School Challenges for Autistic Children

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about the big transition back to school after the summer holidays.
Key Takeaways
Early signs of school anxiety often show up in unexpected ways, like food refusal or “I’m not going back” language.
Preparation can be supportive—but too much talk or change too far in advance can fuel anxiety instead.
Creating “worry boundaries” helps keep August feeling like summer rather than weeks of dread.
New timetables, new staff, and classroom changes can be huge triggers—meet-and-greets and phased starts make a difference.
Reduced demands can ease pressure, but they need to be handled carefully so they don’t harden into new rigid routines.
Safe foods and small wins (like trips to McDonald’s) can tide children over through anxiety spikes.
Parents need realistic self-care—short breaks, slower mornings, or supportive rituals—to stay resilient.
Trust and reassurance are more powerful than pressure: children need to know they won’t be forced into situations they can’t cope with.

Mentioned in This Episode
Victoria talked about her experience with Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) for anxiety with her client, psychotherapist and Founding EFT Master Carol Look. You can learn more about Carol's work at www.carollook.com
Listener Letter
This week we’re so grateful to share a message from Kirsty, one of our listeners:
“...I just wanted you both to know you’ve become a lifeline to me with tips that actually work. Please keep going ladies! One not-so-stressed-out mom thanks to you both. Thank you for being open, honest and willing to share. It makes the world of difference to know we aren’t alone.”
Warmest wishes,
Kirsty & T 💛
Connect with The Autism Mums
Website – https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.
Victoria Bennion:
Welcome back to the Autism Moms Podcast. In today's episode, we're talking about the transition back to school after the summer holidays.
Natalie Tealdi:
But before we get started, we just want to share a lovely letter we had from our listener, Kirsty, with her permission. Messages like this remind us why these conversations are so important. Here's what Kirsty wrote:
‘Firstly, thank you so much for doing this podcast! I find it incredibly easy to listen to, full of practical tips to help my child and very informative. While we don't have an official diagnosis yet, my three-year-old son ticks many of the ASD boxes as well as having a bit of a PDA spiky profile. I knew something wasn’t quite right when he was a year old, but pushed it to the back of my mind until it became obvious.
Struggles with food, sleep issues, needing deep pressure hugs and weighted blankets, problems socialising, very sensitive hearing and huge problems with transitions — the list goes on! Luckily, his speech and language hasn’t been affected apart from a bit of echolalia when he’s excited or stressed.
I just wanted you both to know you’ve become a lifeline to me with tips that actually work. Please keep going ladies! One not-so-stressed-out mom thanks to you both. Thank you for being open, honest and willing to share. It makes the world of difference to know we aren’t alone.
Victoria Bennion:
Thanks so much, Kirsty and t. If Kirsty's words resonated with you, do know
that there are so many of us walking this path together, and like Kirsty, if
you'd ever like to share your story with us, big or small, we'd love to hear
from you. [00:01:00] Right?
Natalie Tealdi: How
was your summer?
Victoria Bennion: Our
summer was really good for, I'm trying to think, four weeks. Yeah, our summer
was really good for about four weeks. I know we, we, so we have our opposite
experiences, don't we? So mine was nice and light until about a week and a half
ago, I would say.
Victoria Bennion: And
that's when for one of my children, the anxiety of back to school starts.

Natalie Tealdi: And
then what does that look like?

Victoria Bennion: Do
you know the first signs probably was that he started talking about how he
wasn't going back, isn't going back. Quite graphic really, and it is not just,
I'd rather not go with back, it's, I'd rather die than go back.
Victoria Bennion:
That kind of extreme, language stopped eating dinner. So you can see all the
signs that the anxiety's really rising in him.

Natalie Tealdi: It's
great he's communicating it though, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah it's really great that he's not holding it all [00:02:00]
in. And then the other ways that shows up is.

Victoria Bennion:
That the things he was coping really well with for those four weeks, when it
was summer, holiday day, bliss, you know, all the pressure's off and he was
happy. I think I talked about in the previous episode, we'd managed to go to a
normal screening at the cinema and we'd managed to go out and about quite a
bit.
Victoria Bennion:
Things that he wanted to, but he was chatty, sociable. Coping with things
better than normal. So it was quite hard to see that anxiety for him come back
hard. I booked another trip to the cinema. There were things I did wrong here,
there was another film he wanted to see the Jurassic World Rebirth film.
Victoria Bennion: I
thought we would give that a go and I thought. It's almost like it lulls you
into a false sense of security. We did it once. We're on a roll, if this is all
okay now, no, it's not all okay now, and it's a [00:03:00]
different day and it's a different week. So all the preparation that I did that
first time to get him into the cinema, I shortcutted it.
Victoria Bennion: I
suppose. I didn't give enough notice. It wasn't on the calendar. Even though we
discussed it verbally, it wasn't on the calendar so he couldn't see it. So that
gave him an issue to start with. We booked the seats, but we only booked them
the day before. We did look again at the map and choose the seats, but when it
came to the day, he was obviously feeling very anxious because as far as he's
concerned, school's now approaching, and so it made everything worse.
Victoria Bennion:
That morning he said, I can't go. I want to go, but I can't go. So I had to do
a lot of coaxing. Got into the car, got to car park, couldn't get out of the
car. Lot of coaxing got into the cinema, collected the drinks, got up to the
screen, [00:04:00] couldn't go through the door
to the screen. He did.
Victoria Bennion:
Eventually, all I said was. Try it. It's the same seats, it's the same screen
that we went to a couple of weeks ago. Same rule if you're not coping, if you
want to leave, we can leave. One of the things that he said to me. I won't be
able to tell you if I'm not coping.
Victoria Bennion: I
will just sit there and feel really bad and that is something that I know that
he struggles with. It's the internalizing it and he'll go into freeze and it's
not always obvious to anybody else.
Natalie Tealdi: Do
you know,

Victoria Bennion: I
would look for signs that he wasn't responding or I was gonna say biting nails.
That's fairly common. That's something he would do. It doesn't necessarily mean
he was at that really awful shutdown point. I hope I would know I was keeping a
close eye on him, but he was okay.
Victoria Bennion:
Luckily once we got in there, he was enjoying the film. It was more, he was
talking to me about the plot the whole way through and I was [00:05:00] like, say not too loud. So it was okay,
but after that he said he was never leaving the house again, so we were back
to, that's more of a normal pattern that I see unfortunately in his anxiety.
Victoria Bennion: He
did that, but there was absolutely no way he was contemplating leaving the
house. I actually started to feel quite sad at that point. I dunno what you
find, but after a really good spell, when that ends and it's back to how it
was, that almost hits harder
Victoria Bennion:
Maybe because you thought these things are easier. He's happier. This is great.
He

Natalie Tealdi: was
definitely, that was where we were at when we last spoke about summer holidays,
wasn't it,

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi:
mine's in the reverse that my son was doing so well at school and behaviors had
been so improved. And then we hit the holidays, and I wasn't expecting it this
time because things had been so good and there was [00:06:00]
a big decline out of the blue really, it felt and then I felt a bit annoyed
because I was like, thought we'd move past this. It goes in waves, doesn't it?
Victoria Bennion: And
even if you know that you still trick yourself, don't you,

Natalie Tealdi: I
dunno if that's like a coping mechanism.

Victoria Bennion: It
might be, something that we've talked about a lot and I did it again, I. Bought
into his emotion of his anxiety about September. I tried talking about it and I
actually think in this case it made it worse.
Victoria Bennion: We
were just talking about school, what we could do, and I think the focus on it
was making it worse for both him and me at that point. In the end I, I
basically had to pull myself together. I took a slower morning, one of the
mornings, I had last week off work, , in my business, I've got a client who
does emotional freedom tapping, which he did a demonstration on for me a little
while ago
Victoria Bennion: I
was really new to it. And when she did this [00:07:00]
tapping sequence.

Victoria Bennion: For
anyone who doesn't know you tap various places of your body, so your head, your
face, I think it was your collarbone and your arm, your hand. There's a certain
order to it, and then you say something. So I had to say in the test I did with
the client was even though I feel overwhelmed with all the tasks, I deeply love
and accept myself
Victoria Bennion: and
you say it over and over. And I don't know a lot about tapping.

Victoria Bennion:
I've only had that one demonstration with her, so I thought I'm gonna do that.
'cause that made me feel so much better last time. I did that over and over. I
listened to some positive tracks that I've got and 'cause I thought actually I
felt like I was being a bit childish.
Victoria Bennion: I
don't want it to be September. I love the summer 'cause it had been so good, so
carefree. I'd had so much more time and everybody had been so much happier. So
I think I did like pull myself together. And what we did was I suppose with
him, I ascertained what the [00:08:00] problems
were and I knew really what they were because on the last day of term, they
were given a new timetable for September, which is.
Victoria Bennion: Is
great really in that it's giving them chance to get used to it because if it
was the day of school, I would certainly be saying, that's awful. You can't do
that. It's had no time to prepare. But sometimes it has that reverse effect
where it creates a lot of anxiety too. It's like a catch 22, isn't it?
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: And
on the new timetable, there were new facilitators it just, it's different. It
looks different and that in itself is enough. And then you take that against
the fact that the summer holidays are his ideal. He's been very happy. He's had
none of the pressures that he feels, so there's the, all those elements. It was
mid August and so I said to him we are not gonna think and talk about this
every day. Until you go back. You have over two weeks left of your summer
holidays.
Victoria Bennion:
It's August. [00:09:00] And I felt like I
needed to set a clear boundary for his worrying. That makes sense. And I'm not
sure if that's the right thing to do, but I just didn't know how to stop his
mind, how to switch it off. There's nothing we can do about it in the summer holidays.
I reassured him that come September.
Victoria Bennion:
When the school is open, I will have a conversation and we will look at the
different ways that we can make this as easy as possible. They will be
flexible. It's a specialist school. They'll, they understand that he will be
anxious. He won't be the only one, and I need to think about what that could
look like for him.
Victoria Bennion: So
in my mind, I was thinking when there's been new facilitators before, what's
really helped him is to meet whoever it is with a trusted member of staff and
build up that relationship. And another thing could be that, you know, we [00:10:00] accept that we'll have to build up and he
may not be able to go in for the full day.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:
That can be a slippery slope because sometimes if you set that expectation,
that quickly becomes the routine, and that's what I do.

Victoria Bennion: So
therefore I can't deviate from that routine. But that's something I can talk
about with them or see how he is on the day and we'll just judge it. So it was
trying to get him to trust that. We will do what's right for him. He won't be
forced into a situation that he can't cope with. It will be what he can cope
with until he feels better.
Natalie Tealdi: I
think that's great 'cause then he won't get too well, hopefully he won't get
too overwhelmed. He knows you've got his back, that you're supporting him.
You're not just gonna tell him to get on with it and
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, I.

Natalie Tealdi: stop
being silly.

Victoria Bennion:
Absolutely another things that I've done since then of to take off demands. So
I've taken away any pressure to do anything that wouldn't, [00:11:00] that he wouldn't be really excited to do.
I've just, we were meeting friends in Lime Regis, and that's. A few weeks ago,
he might have been able to do that. I know that it would've been a lot because
there's the travel, there's the being in a potentially busier place.
Victoria Bennion:
Meeting people you don't know too well, all those things would cause stress. So
he said he didn't want to go, so he didn't come. So those kind of things have
made the decision, no, no pressure. And then focusing on the things that he
does want to do because no left to his own devices. Right now, he, as he said,
he would just stay in his room and then that of course becomes, that's not
healthy.
Victoria Bennion:
That becomes the routine. That becomes what I do every day, which is then gonna
make returning to school harder and make, make leaving the house harder. So I
know from. Previous experience that isn't the full way to go, but he does need
more [00:12:00] downtime. So he has had more
time on his devices. He plays a lot with his friends.
Victoria Bennion:
He's been creating games. So I've been encouraging him to spend time doing what
he enjoys. He's been working on his coin collection , a friend of their family
had a massive load of coins that his mother had that they discovered. And my
son loves coin collecting and he likes looking at all the dates, ordering them.
Victoria Bennion: So
he's been doing that with his granddad, spending a lot of time doing that. And
then we're doing things like going to the beach, though we think we've lost the
weather now, but swimming . So things that he's excited to do. And less of what
he can't cope with. And we had about probably a week where he couldn't eat any
dinner.
Victoria Bennion: He
would eat other snacks. But nothing proper. So then what we've done is more
trips to McDonald's because for him, that's the food that he can eat fairly
comfortably. So we've had more trips to McDonald's to make sure that he [00:13:00] is getting some protein and
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:
Just been really clear that we will cross each bridge as we come to it. We're
not at that bridge yet. That bridge is nowhere near we are gonna focus on the
here and the now.
Natalie Tealdi: I
dunno about you, but I feel like I need to leave notes for myself for next
time, for next year because I dunno, we're still, we are still figuring it out.
What works, what doesn't work? Be completely led by my son or, try to arrange
this. 'cause this holiday I did arrange some activities.
Natalie Tealdi: I
paid for some activities that are send friendly with people that he knows and
he couldn't cope with the idea of even going. So I...

Using Somatic Awareness to Support Your Neurodivergent Child with Kate Lynch

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 01:00:00 +0100

We're so grateful this week to be joined by Kate Lynch. Kate is a somatic mindfulness coach dedicated to creating a kinder, more inclusive future for all families. Since 2002, she has supported thousands of parents around the world with mindfulness, self-compassion, and somatic movement, helping them avoid burnout while raising their neurodivergent children.
Kate shares some really valuable insights and practical advice that we hope will resonate with you.
Biography
Kate Lynch (she/her) is a somatic mindfulness coach on a mission to create a kinder, more inclusive future. Since 2002, she has supported thousands of parents internationally with mindfulness, self-compassion, and somatic movement, so they can enjoy raising their neurodivergent kids and avoid parental burnout. She facilitates Parent Support Groups for Extreme Kids and Parent Clubs for Good Inside. Kate is author of the upcoming book, Atypical Kids, Mindful Parents: The joys and struggles of raising neurodivergent kids. She has been featured in ADDitude Magazine, Mutha Magazine, Autism Parenting Magazine, and more. Her little neurodiverse family lives in Brooklyn, NY.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Somatic Mindfulness: Somatic mindfulness focuses on the mind-body connection, emphasising self-care and emotional regulation through body awareness.
The Impact of Parenting on Children: Parents' emotional states, such as anxiety or stress, can significantly affect their neurodivergent children, highlighting the importance of parental self-regulation.
Mindfulness Practices for Parents: Simple mindfulness techniques, such as feeling the soles of your feet on the ground, can be integrated into daily routines to support emotional well-being.
Community Support: Connecting with other parents is invaluable. Sharing experiences and advice can empower you and provide essential resources.
Advocacy and Navigating Educational Systems: Understanding your rights and advocating for your child’s needs in educational settings is crucial, as parents often face systemic challenges.
The Role of the Vagus Nerve: The vagus nerve plays a vital role in regulating stress responses and emotional states, influencing how we react to situations.
The Therapeutic Nature of Activities: Engaging in activities like surfing or working with animals can be therapeutic for neurodivergent children, providing joy and confidence.
Connect with Kate Lynch
Email: kate@healthyhappyyoga.com
Substack: https://katelynch.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/selfregulatedparent
Kate's offer
Mindful Meltdown Cheat Sheet:
4 quick and simple mindfulness tools just for parents of neurodivergent kids
4 meltdown essentials based on core values.
https://www.healthyhappyyoga.com/meltdown
or 1 month trial membership: https://katelynch.substack.com/month

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https://theautismmums.com/
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Transcript
Natalie Tealdi:
Hi, it's Natalie. Unfortunately, I was unable to be in today's interview, but before we begin, I wanted to take a moment to introduce our brilliant guest.
Victoria Bennion:
That's right! Today, I'm thrilled to welcome Kate Lynch. Kate is a somatic mindfulness coach dedicated to creating a kinder, more inclusive future for all families. Since 2002, she has supported thousands of parents around the world with mindfulness, self-compassion, and somatic movement, helping them avoid burnout while raising their neurodivergent children.
Natalie Tealdi:
If you've ever felt overwhelmed or uncertain on your parenting journey, this episode could really help you. Kate has some really practical advice that could be easily implemented into your daily life.
So, let’s hand over to Victoria and Kate!

Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Hello and
welcome to the podcast, Kate. It's great to have you here today.

Kate Lynch: Thanks. It's so great to be here, Victoria.

Victoria Bennion: So you are a somatic mindfulness coach, I
believe. Did I say that right?

Kate Lynch: You said it perfectly. And the reason I use the big
word somatic, which a lot of people ask what that means, it just
means of the body. I've been a yoga teacher for over 20 years, and
these days, a lot of times people don't understand, they really take
that as like a kind of a gym exercise teacher.

And what I do is much more
about the mind body connection about self-care and specifically
serving parents who are really struggling with how to even begin to
focus on themselves. They may be neurodivergent themselves or just
really struggling with this unexpected change of having a child with
a neurodivergent brain.

What I was doing before when I
first [00:01:00] started teaching is
very, very different from what I'm doing now and it's more
therapeutic. So that's why I use that. That word somatic mindfulness
coach. 'cause it's not just about staying in your head, it is really
about bringing it into our body so our nervous system can help us
regulate our emotions.

Victoria Bennion: I have heard the term before, but I wasn't sure
of what it meant, so thank you very much for explaining that.

So how did your work evolve
into focusing on helping parents?

Kate Lynch: I was a yoga teacher for about 10 years, and then I
had my son, I have one. It was pretty late in life and we struggled
with fertility, so I felt very prepared. I had been teaching prenatal
yoga and parent baby yoga for a really long time, had my son and
things were really different than I expected.

He was. Someone who had a lot
of needs very early on. We [00:02:00]
didn't know about colic, but it kind of felt like that. And then he
had a lot of needs but not a need for sleep. And I had him at 41. I
had a very hard time that first year because I did not sleep more
than two hours at a stretch.

Victoria
Bennion: I can

relate to that.

Kate
Lynch: yeah, I know that her parents can't

and it, it nearly broke me. It
really felt that way. So I sat my husband down after one year and I
said, let's make absolutely sure that we don't have another child.
One. And done couldn't. I didn't know if I could survive it. So
raising ocean has been a little like raising two or three kids, I
think. And our family feels very complete now.

So bringing it back around to
my career. I really put it on autopilot. It took the first six months
to just be with him, and then I would take him to my classes and, my
career was on autopilot for a while when my [00:03:00]
son was younger, because luckily I had been doing the job for a long
time. I could just drop him off and teach a class and pick him up
and. It all worked out pretty well.

We would raise home for naps
and I was really trying to keep him on a routine because I found
that, routine really helped him.

And then parents started
asking me, parents of neurodivergent kids started to find me and ask
me advice. And I had been a trusted family educator for a while as a
prenatal and postpartum yoga teacher, and it just felt like the most
natural next thing to do to start teaching parents how to use
mindfulness and how I had gone from feeling nearly broken to
remembering some of my very basic mindfulness techniques.

I distilled them into small
drops that I could use while I was with my [00:04:00]
son, not separately, not having to check out for hours at a time to
go do yoga in another room, because that just wasn't possible. So my
meditation and my mindfulness and my. Body-based practices became
part of our rituals, our routines, our life, and that is what kept me
afloat those first couple of years, was just really relying on those
little tiny practices, like even feeling the soles of your feet on
the floor.

Very simple little things like
that. So that evolved. I'm also a writer and that evolved into
writing a book and beginning to work with parents in the community
and one-on-one.

Victoria
Bennion: Can you

tell me

a little bit about your book?

Kate
Lynch: 2019 there was a call from this autism publisher
if. Anyone had any ideas for books and I just wrote them a simple
paragraph back.

I knew [00:05:00]
nothing about writing books, but I'm like, Hey, I'm a mom. I'm also,
a mindfulness teacher, yoga teacher, this idea that might help
parents of 32nd to three minute they can weave in throughout their
day. And they said, that sounds great. Write us a proposal.

Then I had to figure out how
to write a proposal and then. I wrote the three years because COVID
made it harder for parents. I mean, in my case, it certainly did to
any time to myself. My son was in school, but he wasn't in school
during COVID at all. We were, we live in Brooklyn.

It was very much a lockdown
situation for most of that time. When he went to bed, I would write
for 10 minutes at least every night I wrote this book. I turned in
the book on the deadline. Two weeks later, the publisher called me up
and said, we're going outta business.

So I have this book that I
feel, really needs to get out into the world.

I spent two years with the
book proposal. And then she sent [00:06:00]
it to a couple of publishers, you know what they said? They said, we
don't think parents of atypical kids have time to read. I said, yeah,
you're probably right. But this book, because it is specifically for
them and there isn't that much for us out there really like.

I'd say 90% of parenting books
are very prescriptive, or the stories about parenting, raising
autistic kids can be almost depressing, rather than giving a
strategy. So this combines my struggle Strategies and with the joys
that we share as well as to evolve and get better at

Victoria
Bennion: oh, fantastic.

Well, let me know when it's
out 'cause I'm very interested to read it. 'cause there, as you say,
there isn't that much. There's that caters for parents doing it
slightly

different way.

Kate
Lynch: so I did start this blog on [00:07:00]
Substack, because I wanted to get the work that I'm doing out into
the community in a way that's really bite-sized, available free. So
that's the extension of the book and the kind of accessible way

Victoria
Bennion: You

know what I would say? To the
publisher who said, we don't think these parents have time to read. I
don't think that's right I have quite a long score drive for my son.
That his school is not nearby, which is fairly common, I think, for
specialist schools. So you, it's a great time to listen to audio
books. And then another way that I would read, as he was saying,
might be. Bite size, but would be on my Kindle lap. So if I was
sitting with my son at nighttime I could read on that. So I disagree
with them. So you can tell

them that.

Kate
Lynch: Thank you. I said, that's why there's such a good
opportunity to have audiobooks, to have a workbook [00:08:00]
that we could publish alongside it, where you just flip to a page
when you need a certain thing, when you're feeling really mad and you
need to do something to help you regulate your nervous system so you
can be present or when I don't know what you in. The uk when you
have, we call it an IEP meeting, when you go into the school and you
advocate for your child and you come up with a plan.

Victoria
Bennion: Our equivalent is an EHCP here,

Kate
Lynch: Okay, so

Victoria
Bennion: which the

government are trying

to get rid

Kate
Lynch: Oh no.

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah. Yep. They wonder, they're looking to reform
the system at the moment. But it's very worrying because it looks
like what they're gonna do is just take away parents' rights, with
the process to get your children what they need?

I'm not sure about your
system, but ours seems to be very broken under a lot of financial
pressure and so they're looking at ways, essentially, I think that
they can save money. I'm suspicious that they're not looking at how
they can improve it, but just make cuts. 'cause these children are
costing them a [00:09:00] lot of

money.

Kate
Lynch: Yeah, I have so much to say about that. And of
course, you know, here in the US there's, mean, we could have a whole
podcast that. I'm a strong advocate for early intervention and
special being well funded and fully funding public schools because
these children are growing up, whether they like it or not.

And we wanna give them every
opportunity to flourish, to thrive, because their unique ideas may be
what help this planet survived?

Victoria
Bennion: I agree with you.

Kate
Lynch: And I'm not saying every single autistic child is
going to, change the world, but coming together and knowing how to
work with others and all of these little skills that our children can
learn, and they're as hard for our kids as they can be, but they are
incredibly essential.

At this time, these are skills
that employers are looking for. And there are so many places now
[00:10:00] that are looking for autistic
minds looking to hire them because our kids do think differently. And
if they get early intervention, they can thrive to the extent that
their brains are able to. It's incredibly shortsighted of that
education and that support and hiding it from parents. I had to learn
from other parents what was available, what my rights were, what my
son's rights were. 'cause it's really not, available.

It's not out there. It's
hidden.

Victoria
Bennion: no, absolutely. That's exactly the same here. I
learned from other parents as well. It wasn't until my son started
struggling with trying to go into school that I realized there were
other parents also struggling. With their children and getting them
into school. And it was them who gave me the advice and next steps.

I said it before, but there's
no roadmap. Once your child isn't fitting that mold and following
that path and has the struggles, there's nobody to [00:11:00]
says to you, this is what you need to do. Do they to be official?

Kate
Lynch: Exactly. So, and there have been kind educators
along the way who said, get this evaluation, tell them this, tell
them that, give them the full picture. You know? to them as well. But
those parents, yeah, I don't know what I would've done without the
other parents that I met along the way.

Victoria
Bennion: No, me neither.

Kate
Lynch: So to bring it back full circle, Going into an IEP
meeting, I would often be extremely nervous. I would cry during the
meeting. know, all of those things. And I think it's perfectly
natural and understandable because we literally have to live with the
outcomes of these meetings, we're the only ones who are gonna live
with whatever happens long term.

So we're more invested and
when we care that much, we're going to have stress. It's just natural
to have stress so if we have a strategy or something to do right
before going into a meeting like that, [00:12:00]
to not only help relieve our stress, but also empower us to feel just
as important as everyone else in the room, I think it's really
valuable.

Victoria
Bennion: I think so too. Those meetings, they can feel
really intimidating, and you feel that pressure to do the best by
your child and Obviously the fate of your child, but what's gonna
happen to your child? It feels like it's in other people's hands at
these meetings.

So it's really stressful. I've
struggled a that, with, being in that situation and yet wanting to be
calm and zen and yet, as you say, you just can't avoid feeling that
stress. So if there are some tools that you can take in to help, I
think that's

fantastic.

Kate
Lynch: Yeah, so you wanna do one right now?

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah.

Kate
Lynch: make yourself as big as possible. You don't have to
stand up, but just spread your arms and make yourself as big as
possible. And we're going to make bear claws and stick at our tongues
and roar. Are you ready? You're gonna do it with me, right? Okay. So
breathe in.[00:13:00]

Ah, yeah, two more

times.

Kate
Lynch: Yeah, let's do it one more time. One more...

Meltdowns, Sleep Struggles and Routine Changes in the Summer Holidays

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re diving into the reality of summer holidays when your autistic child thrives on school routine. Natalie shares how her son, who has been doing brilliantly during term time, has found the transition to the long break unexpectedly tough - from meltdowns and aggressive behaviours to disrupted sleep during a melatonin break. We talk about pacing activities, managing sensory needs, and finding that fine balance between structure and rest.
Key Takeaways
How losing the school routine can trigger heightened anxiety and challenging behaviours and why this is so common for autistic children.
How disrupted sleep, including during a melatonin break, can ripple through the day and impact mood, patience, and coping ability.
How favourite activities and special interests like metal detecting, magnet fishing, and trampoline time can help regulate emotions.
Pacing social interaction and physical activity to avoid sensory overload or burnout during the holidays.
How visual tools like Google Maps and travel timers can reduce anxiety during car journeys and transitions.
Managing expectations around events and invitations from saying 'no' to busy festivals to choosing carefully between activities that may or may not be accessible.
How preparation can help make big days out go more smoothly.
Mentioned in This Episode
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
Today, we're talking about something that so many parents of autistic children
will understand, and that's why the summer holidays can feel like the hardest
part of the year. We're gonna talk about what's been going on in our homes this
summer, from unexpected meltdowns to sleep struggles, and the ripple effect of
losing that familiar school routine.
Victoria Bennion:
We'll be sharing our real life [00:01:00]
stories, the strategies that have helped, and the moments that have truly
tested us. If you are navigating the ups and downs of the school holidays, you
are absolutely not alone. We are right here in it with you.
Natalie Tealdi: One
thing that's come up for us is our son has been coping so well. During term
time, so well at school, absolutely loving school. He's been doing so well and
it's been quite surprising how tricky he's finding the holidays.
Natalie Tealdi: It's
always a time of year that he struggles with, but he's gone from being able to
cope quite well when he's stressed to. Not coping so well and we're seeing
aggressive behaviors again, which we haven't seen for months. So it is taken me
by surprise a little bit.
Victoria Bennion:
What's he reacting to? What do you think is causing him the problem?

Natalie Tealdi: It's
being out of his routine. He just wants to be at school all the time. He likes
it. , He just feels comfortable there. That's his routine. That's [00:02:00] what we do Monday to Friday, and because
we're out of that, it's upsetting for him.
Victoria Bennion:
What do the summers look like in terms of structure?

Natalie Tealdi: We
haven't got a lot of structure. It can vary because some days he needs a lot of
rest. In the mornings he can be quite tired. We're going through a melatonin
break at the moment, so sleep is becoming difficult. He's not going to sleep
till really late now because he hasn't got anything to help him.
Victoria Bennion: Can
you talk about why you're having a melatonin break while we're on that?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
so that was recommended by his pediatrician because we were noticing it wasn't
having such an effect anymore, which isn't apparently your, body gets used to
it, so. You do need to take breaks now and again for, for it to become
effective again. So we were at that point where bedtime was taking a long time
anyway, so we needed to have the break really, but now they're taking even
longer.
Natalie Tealdi: So he
is not really going to bed until we go to bed, which [00:03:00]
is really quite late. So he's more tired.

Victoria Bennion:
There'll be a lot of parents in the same position as you. I mean, we will be in
a couple of weeks. With the melatonin break, it's the most natural time to try
to do that if it's something that your child takes regularly. And we are
definitely gonna be planning a melatonin break as well.
Victoria Bennion: But
I'm gonna wait until I'm having a week where I'm not working because. I'm still
needed usually to sit there till he goes to sleep and I can't work early. I
usually get up quite early to get my work done so that I can take the
afternoons or a lot of the afternoons with the children in the holidays.
Victoria Bennion: I
want it to be the week that I don't have to get up early if I take that stress
off. But as you say, it adds to their sleep deprivation.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So
what kind of things have you been doing with your son?

Natalie Tealdi: We
have to sort of gauge it. We are doing his special interests. So he likes to
metal detect, he likes to see magnet fishing, he likes water sports, like
paddle boarding, [00:04:00] kayaking.
Natalie Tealdi: So we
are doing all those sorts of things, but we're having to really gauge what he
can cope with during the day. Sometimes it's one activity. Sometimes he wants
to be doing activities all day and all night. He's gone back to so. It used to
be a daily routine of having pillow fights. When he feels hyper, he likes to
have a pillow fight.
Natalie Tealdi: It
helps him to regulate and calm down. And we've gone back to that, which can be
quite exhausting for us as the parents 'cause he needs someone to do it with. ,
He's on the trampoline an awful lot again. That needs a lot of supervision
'cause his sister likes to go on with him, but sometimes it, he can get a bit
too overexcited.
Natalie Tealdi: So it
needs a lot of monitoring.

Victoria Bennion:
It's good that he's got those outlets.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh,
definitely. Yeah. I mean he's, it's nothing like it was two years ago, don't
get me wrong. But it's just, it's just that he was doing so well. I thought
actually generally he was coping. Quite well overall, but it, [00:05:00] it's the holidays that we struggle with.
And I've noticed also, so we do have play dates with friends, but I think the
age that we're getting to now is some of his friends go off for play dates
without their parents there.
Natalie Tealdi: A
play date with my son? Requires parents to be present I definitely have to be
there. So I think we're at that stage where perhaps we are not gonna be the
first choice because other parents have a bit more flexibility and a bit more
freedom. Now there
Natalie Tealdi: kids
are getting older.

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, so they have maybe friends over and then they're working or doing other
things, whereas it's entertaining you. It's, it's their time I suppose. It gets
tricky, doesn't it?
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Yeah, I think so.

Natalie Tealdi: We've
looked into activities before and he is booked on a couple, just two, I think
in August. But again, we have to be very careful with that because he will
refuse to go to them. We have to choose really [00:06:00]
carefully.
Natalie Tealdi: And
it could be we get to the day on the ones that I've booked and paid for, that
he can't cope and will not go. It's a gamble every time. So even though, you
know. You can find send related activities, it's not necessarily gonna be
something that we can attend.
Victoria Bennion: I
think that the holidays do bring challenges and we've had family down, which my
son is so pleased about. He really looks forward to seeing them. However,
yesterday for example, they've got two dogs. We've got a dog. They have a lot
of bark in. The dogs weren't so pleased to see each other and those noise
levels.
Victoria Bennion: He
went up to his room, his safe space after a short while 'cause the noise was
just too much for him. So it's a lot of juggling. And then like you, we need to
pace out that interaction, what's required. Luckily again, the family members
of very understanding, very accepting. So we just have to make sure that he has
a lot of downtime
Victoria Bennion:
without having to engage with people. And [00:07:00]
then, so for example, today we're going to meet up with them at three o'clock,
but he's had the morning to just relax from yesterday to recharge. Managing
those energy levels, I think is, is what I find. I have to allow enough time.
As I think I've said before, I can be very like, go, go, go.
Victoria Bennion:
We're gonna do this, we're gonna do this. And I have to build in the time. And
actually, it's been working quite well so far with managing those things. But
we avoid doing a lot of. Busy events, , things that that might be taking place.
So we've just adjusted.
Victoria Bennion: But
I think you make those adjustments naturally, don't you, as to what your child
can cope with. And we just. Don't do it. So one of the things we were talking
about was going to a festival that's on. , And that was an absolute hard no and
I knew it would be. I always like to give him the opportunity.
Victoria Bennion: ,
I'm quite proud of him for being able to say, no, he just wouldn't be able to
access it in any way, shape, or form.

Victoria Bennion: So
it's accepting that it looks different, but I think over [00:08:00] time you automatically filter those things
to an extent anyway, and know that they're not gonna work.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.

Victoria Bennion: I
do know that there are a lot of parents, , in your situation too, who are
definitely dealing with, real heightened emotions and more challenging
behaviors, and that's really hard.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
and I think it's, it's just being mindful of, things like haircuts that, you
know, are often a, a little bit of a struggle. Now that we're in the summer
holidays and he's struggling, anyway, those things are gonna be more of a big
deal. So I'm now thinking through, well, what else have we got coming up that I
can take away?
Natalie Tealdi:
Because they can just wait those things.

Victoria Bennion:
Because sometimes you think, oh, we've got all this free time in the summer
holidays. We'll book the haircut, we'll go to the dentist. And all those things
are really challenging for our children. So whilst time-wise it might be,, a
good idea, it might not be if they're already really struggling, really [00:09:00] heightened.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
that's right.

Victoria Bennion: I
was talking to one of my friends and I think that there can be that sense that
you are not doing a good job and that you're failing at this.

Victoria Bennion: And
that can't be overestimated, really. It can feel very upsetting if your child's
really struggling in the holidays and you don't know how to help. Because the
thing that would help a lot is this routine that's just, that's been taken
away. You've said before, but it would be good if there was an option where, I
don't know if you could continue.
Natalie Tealdi: I
know just like a reduced school or something that's just like a couple of hours
in the morning. So there's that summer holiday. Schedule so it can flip from a
school schedule to a summer holiday schedule. And it is something that I
thought, , is that something that I can implement myself?
Natalie Tealdi: But
I, I don't think anything would really satisfy that, rather, other than it
would have to look very similar to how his school looks.

Victoria Bennion: You
have managed a quite a successful trip to Pepper Pig world.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:10:00] Yes. So those sorts of days are always. A
bit nerve wracking 'cause you think, oh, are they gonna go well or are they
not? But we put in as much preparation as we possibly could. This was a day
planned for our daughter's birthday, so we had been planning it for a while and
my son was aware of the plans and actually he was quite excited about it.
Natalie Tealdi: We
showed him some of the rides he had been before, so he had some memories of
going there about five years ago and. We did all the usual stuff, packed all
the fidget toys and plenty of snacks and all of that we're, we have a blue
badge, so that was really handy. We were able to park really close to the
entrance , so,, at the end of the day when we come back, you don't have a big
long walk to the car, so that's a bonus.
Natalie Tealdi: But
actually it went really well. He absolutely loved it. They both did, but we
were there the whole day and I, I really didn't think they were gonna last that
long. And I was. [00:11:00] You know, prepared
to be going home early. But no, we were there when it opened until it closed.
But then the shock came when we got in the car 'cause it did not cope in the
car at all.
Natalie Tealdi: We
had aggressive behaviors in the car on the way home. There was a lot of trying
to manage that. I did have all the distraction techniques I usually have in, in
the bag, but they weren't working unfortunately. But we did get through it.
Luckily we don't live too far away.
Victoria Bennion: How
did you get through it? Does he just eventually calm down?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
So snacks, iPad, he got cross with the iPad though., We put an audiobook on. I
think that was the thing that actually was the distraction in the end was the
audiobook.
Victoria Bennion:
what do you think had been the trigger? Was it leaving the park? Was it the
transition?

Natalie Tealdi: I
think it was the transition from having such a good time at the park and now
we're going home and he doesn't like sitting in the car and it was gonna be,
you [00:12:00] know, an hour, just over an
hour. It's that boredom. He just instantly wants to be home. Now it's done on
the way there. It's not so bad. 'cause you're looking forward to going, aren't
you?
Natalie Tealdi: But
on the way home. Yeah, we just wanna be home now.

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, that makes sense. We all need those like beam me up, Scotty Badges.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh
yeah, that would be so good,

Natalie Tealdi: so on
the way Home snacks were a good one. And the audio book, I also put a timer on
my phone. So this is quite a new thing. So with Google Maps, I do the route
home so he can see the timer.
Natalie Tealdi: He'll
often ask me how long till we get home, how long till we get home. So now
instead of me trying to estimate it in my head, I can show him in real time and
that's helpful.
Victoria Bennion: We
always have the maps up too. Always. My son is always looking at them, to the
extent that he will say to me, you'll be quicker if you go left. And

Natalie Tealdi: Oh my

Natalie Tealdi:
goodness.

Victoria Bennion: the
maps work far better than me. And, oh, look, there's an accident coming up. [00:13:00] It's red there, it's orange there.

Victoria Bennion: But
that's really helpful visual tool. , My phone will connect in the car, so it's
just up there. It really helps manage that where he needs to know how long. And
it's right there, isn't it?
Natalie Tealdi: My
daughter quite enjoys it too. She thinks our address is the blue dot.

Victoria Bennion:
that that.

Natalie Tealdi: I
know. I didn't know what she was talking about. Mommy, we live at the blue dot.
What?

Victoria Bennion:
Brilliant.
Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation. We hope that by opening
up about our challenges and wins, you've perhaps picked up an idea or two that
you might be able to try, however it's going. Remember, you're doing an
incredible...

Supporting Autistic Children: Expert Insights from Tanya Kemp

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 01:00:00 +0100

We're joined by a really special guest this week, Tanya Kemp. Tanya is a registered counsellor and parent consultant specialising in neurodiversity trauma and the parent Child Connection. Tanya's own journey has equipped her with unique insights on supporting autistic children.
Biography
Tanya Kemp is a registered counsellor and parent consultant, specialising in neurodiversity, trauma, and parent-child connection. With over two decades of clinical experience and additional training in mindfulness, somatic work, and neurodiversity-affirming practice, she supports families raising autistic and neurodivergent children. Tanya is also a solo mum to her 11-year-old autistic daughter, and together they’re traveling the world—learning, living, and world-schooling along the way. Her lived experience, combined with global research and integrative therapeutic approaches, makes her a trusted and compassionate guide for families navigating neurodivergence.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Neurodiversity: Tanya emphasises the importance of recognising and embracing neurodiversity as a valuable aspect of human variation rather than a deficit.
Parent-Child Connections: Building strong relationships with autistic children involves active listening, empathy, and validation of their feelings and experiences.
Practical Strategies for Support: Tanya shares actionable techniques that parents can use to support their autistic children, including creating structured routines and sensory-friendly environments.
Empowering Families: She highlights the need for parents to feel empowered and informed, equipping them with the tools they need to advocate effectively for their children.
Celebrating Differences: Emphasising the uniqueness of each autistic child, Tanya encourages families to celebrate their strengths and individuality.
Community Support: The importance of finding and fostering community connections is crucial for both parents and children, providing a sense of belonging and shared experiences.
Navigating Challenges: Tanya discusses common challenges faced by families and offers insights on how to navigate them with resilience and positivity.
Education and Advocacy: She stresses the role of education in breaking down stereotypes and fostering a more inclusive society for neurodivergent individuals.
Self-Care for Parents: Tanya reminds parents to prioritise their own well-being, as caring for themselves enables them to better support their children.
Continuous Learning: The journey of understanding and supporting neurodiversity is ongoing, and Tanya encourages parents to remain open to learning and adapting as they grow alongside their children.
Connect with Tanya Kemp
Website: https://www.tanyakemp.com/
Facebook - https://facebook.com/parentingautisticchildrenmatters
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/parentingautisticchildren/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-kemp-0b32022ab/
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@parentingautisticchildren
Tanya's offers
A 5 day video series on the 5 things every parent should know when their child receives an autism diagnosis.
A free training for parents and carers on the autism brain through the lens that Tanya parents - a neurodiversity affirming lens that really shifts how parents and carers think about their child's day to day challenges and what kind of support they need. Also to understand the neurodiversity movement, ableism and be part of the solution for a better future for autistic people.
You can access these offers via Tanya's website here: https://www.tanyakemp.com/
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
[00:00:00]
Natalie Tealdi: Hi, it's Natalie. Unfortunately, I was unable to
be in today's interview, but before we begin, I just wanted to say
hello and let you know. It's a really good one. Hopefully you'll
agree
Victoria Bennion: That's right. Today I'm joined by a really
special guest, Tanya Kemp. Tanya is a registered counselor and parent
consultant specializing in neurodiversity trauma and the parent Child
Connection. Tanya's own journey has equipped her with unique insights
on supporting autistic children.
Natalie Tealdi: If you've ever felt overwhelmed or unsure in your
parenting journey, this episode has some really valuable, practical
advice and stories that we hope will be helpful to you.

Okay, let's hand over to
Victoria and Tanya.

Victoria Bennion: Welcome to the podcast, Tanya.

Tanya Kemp: Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

Victoria Bennion: So you've taken quite an unconventional path, I
guess you would say, in supporting your daughter. So I wondered if
you could start by talking a little bit about your journey with her
and [00:01:00] how you found your way to
neurodiversity affirming parenting.

Tanya Kemp: My daughter was really young when I started noticing
differences in her. She was diagnosed autistic when she was just 17
months old, which is quite young. And by that stage I had already
done a master's in psychology and so I was quite attuned to
developmental milestones and what they would look like.

I'd been working with families
with multiple and complex needs already for about 10 years. So I was
already in the field but not specializing in autism in particular.
When she was diagnosed and we were. Basically directed by the
psychologist in terms of this is the therapy that you need to do.

It just didn't really resonate
with me. It just didn't feel to me like this is. What I wanted for my
daughter, you know, for in her terms of her long-term development and
her life. And so I started to dig really deep into all the autism
interventions and what therapy would look like and autism in
[00:02:00] particular.

And that kind of steered me on
a path of studying relationship development, intervention and DIR
floor time and Stuart Shanker self reg programs, which was all based
around. Relationships, development and nervous system safety. And
that path really got me into the circles of, really listening to
autistic adults and how autistic adults talk about their experience
of therapy and what that meant for them as adults now in the world.

So I was really very strongly
influenced by that. I spent hours and hours just reading autistic
adult experiences and then. I suppose with my background in
psychology, did a deep dive into the research and what people were
saying and was the gold standard and what they were really measuring
in those gold standard studies.

That's why I decided, what I'm
gonna go with meeting my daughter where she's at. Assuming that she's
competent, assuming that she is [00:03:00]
communicating even though it's different to what we would expect her
to do and yes. That's when I started practicing in this area.

And the more I practiced, the
more I learned from the families that I worked with. And that was
helpful because I was able to help families better, but I was able to
help my daughter better and understand her better. So it's been this
dual learning process, both to help others, but really essentially to
help my daughter.

Victoria Bennion: That's really fascinating, so useful that you had
that background as well.

Tanya Kemp: Yes, absolutely.

Victoria Bennion: Who or what would you say has the biggest impact
on autistic children's success?

Tanya Kemp: Parents. I think like every human being that comes
into this world, our parents or primary caregivers are the ones who
has most impact. Nobody. Knows their child better. Nobody is more
invested in their child. And it's always so interesting to me how
parents will doubt themselves in the beginning.

They'll think, oh, I need to
listen to all the professionals. I need to do what people [00:04:00]
tell me to do, even when often they will later say. That kind of went
against my gut instinct that went against what I really felt like I
needed to do. And sometimes, it can take years before parents
actually start to trust themselves, right?

Children learn through
relationship and those initial relationships, that first relationship
with the primary caregivers is the most impactful on a child's life,
I think.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that makes sense. And what you say about
learning to trust yourself as parents. My son had the eating issues
and I remember, being told he'll eat when he is hungry. You just put
it in front of him. He'll eat when he's hungry. He did not eat when
he was hungry. And it did go against my instincts, but do what we
learn.

Tanya Kemp: Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think it's never too
late, right? Just like it's never too late for our children to learn
and develop and grow. It's never too late for us as parents to take
on a new path and begin again. It's a journey. We don't have to get
it right, right from the [00:05:00]
beginning.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. Can you talk a bit about ways
to discuss your child's diagnosis with them that is in a positive
way?

Tanya Kemp: I always say that, the earlier you start to talk
about the brain and different people having different brains and
spotlighting things that are different for different people. And in
saying that, focusing not just on the challenges, but certainly
focusing just on the things that are different and some of those are
strengths as well.

So always talk about, you bake
the cake first by mentioning, oh wow. You know, I noticed that you
really. Focused on this thing, you know that you were doing this, you
can really focus on Minecraft for so long that's one of the things
that your brain is really good at. It goes into this attention
tunnel, right?

Whereas my brain is here,
there and everywhere, so you're just spotlighting differences.
Talking about some brains. I always say to parents, say. Talk about
some brains like this and some brains do that and it's not so much
about better or worse. And then I think later as children get
[00:06:00] older, they really start to
adopt that language as well, and they start to recognize.

These things are more
different for my brain. It's not that I'm bad at them, it's not that
I'm broken. It's not that there's something wrong with me. It's my
brain does better with this type of thing, then later as they get
older, we start to talk about the umbrella of neurodiversity, right?

So there are many people like
you. There are many people with brains that develop differently.
You're not. The only one, you're not the outsider, you're just like
many others like you, but the majority of brains are like this. And
so that's why sometimes things can be difficult and we can have
misunderstandings.

I think the younger you start,
the more natural it is. It just becomes part of your day-to-day life
and conversations. And also I think again, it's never too late
because sometimes when children are older, having that understanding
of their brain can , give a real sense of relief and just.

Ah, it's not that I'm broken.
It's not that I'm not a good neurotypical, I'm a good neurodivergent
[00:07:00] person. Everything that I'm
experiencing is valid for how I'm wired. And I think that changes the
narrative that changes the picture a little bit, even though it can
still be difficult, of course, because the world isn't built for
neurodivergent brains.

There are very real
challenges. Going alongside with being neurodivergent. But at least
it's not because you're bad at being neurotypical. It's just the
world is built for neurotypical brains.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, I really like that. I remember a friend of
mine shared a video when my son was going through the diagnosis
process and we knew he was going to get his diagnosis and he was
struggling so much at the time and she sent me a video, it was a
cartoon one, and it explained a child who was having difficulties
with.

Sensory things, eating food, things that he struggled with. And I got him to watch it and it just
explained autism really. And you could see, he was like, that's like
me. And it was like a relief in him. I think so, [00:08:00]
yeah.

Tanya Kemp: Absolutely. I did the same thing. I showed my
daughter videos and the ones that she resonated with, she did watch
them over and over again. 'cause that's how her brain works. And it
was so validating. I remember she was about four or five. And she
watched a video about Greta Thunberg and how about the environment?

And she described some things
about herself. My daughter was just glued to the screen and she was
like, that's what I'm like, I'm exactly like her. I can't stop
thinking about the same thing. And so it was really meaningful to me
because I thought she self-identified, she noticed, and she looked up
to somebody who she was able to identify with.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's so important. That's really good. So
on that note, how do you think we can give our children more
opportunities for agency?

Tanya Kemp: Well, I think that's a really big question. I think
one of the first things that we can do to support our children with
agency is just in the way that we communicate. I think from the
really early years, when our [00:09:00]
children are different and when they don't respond to us in the way
that we expect them to respond, we start changing how we communicate
because we're trying to get a response.

We're trying to create that feedback loop, that reciprocity, and so we end up using a very
particular type of language called instrumental language, which is
means to an end language. Asking questions, sometimes questions that
we already know the answer to. Or just asking questions for the sake
of asking questions.

Also prompting, we tell our kids what to do all the time instead of, leaving space for them to
think and have agency around doing even simple things. Just the way
if you use declarative language and say something like, here's your
dinner and you put it down instead of saying, take a bite, like you're saying, here's
your dinner. There's an opportunity for your child to have agency and
start eating. Instead of just following an instruction or, oh, it
looks cold outside, I'm gonna put my jacket on and look at their
jacket and wait and give them time. You're giving a very small
opportunity for them to actually make [00:10:00]
the choice.

And that agency is so critical
for. Internal intrinsic motivation and independent thinking, and
ultimately problem solving. It's critical for a child's wellbeing to
have agency, and we have opportunities to give up agency in very
small moments throughout life simply by not prompting everything and
slowing ourselves down, giving indirect information and waiting for
our child to make a choice.

And it's not about having
passive aggressive, oh, I'm gonna say this and hope that you will do
the thing that I want you to do. It really is about being in a
mindset of I have space, I have time, I'm gonna scaffold this
interaction, and I'm gonna give my child the opportunity, the time
that he needs, or she needs to process and make a decision.

And I think there are many,
many opportunities for that throughout the day in everyday life.

Victoria Bennion: I could do more of that. That's useful. That's
useful. I think sometimes we can get very wrapped up in, [00:11:00]
we've got to get out the door, we've got to do this, we've got to do
this without leaving that room.

Tanya Kemp: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And even
just, not even just in getting things done, but in simple experience
sharing ways, we're so often stuck, like you say, in getting things
done, getting out the door, moving through, our schedule or our
routine, but just making comments. And not expecting anything in
return, waking up and saying, oh, I had such a terrible sleep, and not go, why do you think I had a terrible sleep? Or, how did you sleep? Just sharing, again, it's an
opportunity for your child to think about and decide whether they
want to share their experience as well. It's very interesting when
you look at this because in general conversation, we use comments and
just experience sharing language.

All the time, our conversation now is really all about experience sharing, and yet with autistic
children, we don't communicate in that way. We're so focused on the
things that need to get done. We don't slow down enough to comment
[00:12:00] and wait and be okay with the
fact that our child might not respond.

Just to be okay with that because they might not respond and it, we don't need to force that
response because then again, that takes their agency away as well.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. So what have been your top
three most important lessons learned in parenting an autistic child?

Tanya Kemp: The first one is myself. I learned that I needed to
do a lot of work on myself to be able to be available for my
daughter. I really needed to. Understand my triggers, understand how
to manage those triggers, how to regulate myself....

Navigating Family Gatherings with our Autistic Children

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria and Natalie share how they navigated their dad’s 80th birthday, which included family gatherings that came with lots of excitement, and its fair share of sensory challenges.
If family events sometimes leave you feeling anxious or wondering if it’s even worth the effort, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
How preparing in advance can ease anxiety - Visual supports like calendars, photos of the venue and explaining the schedule ahead of time helped both children feel more secure.
How respecting your child’s boundaries leads to better outcomes - Giving our children space and letting them decide if and when they’re ready made a big difference in their ability to cope.
How food doesn’t have to be the focus of the gathering - When meals are difficult, removing pressure and creating positive experiences around connection and play can still make the outing worthwhile.
How tech, sensory tools, and safe items can be lifelines - From ear defenders to iPads, bringing the right tools can help children stay regulated in unfamiliar or overwhelming settings.
How staying calm as a parent is so important - Holding your emotional ground can help avoid escalation and builds trust with your child.

Connect with The Autism Mums
Website - https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
This week we wanted to talk about something that so many of us find really
tricky, but often don't talk a lot about, and that's family gatherings.

Last month was quite a
busy one for us. It was our dad's 80th birthday, and that meant a couple of big
family meals, which is lovely in theory, but if you have autistic children,
these events come with a whole lot more to consider. So in this episode,
Natalie and I are [00:01:00] sharing how we
approached these gatherings, what we did to prepare.
Our children, the moments that didn't go to plan and some of
the wins.

We know that autism is a spectrum and every child's needs and
reactions vary hugely, and of course, every family's journey looks different as
well, so take what's useful for you and leave the rest. Our hope is that by
sharing our stories, you'll feel a little more supported and maybe pick up a
few ideas to try.
So Nat, can you talk about how you prepared for the meals?

Natalie Tealdi: With
my son, I made sure he was aware so. A couple of weeks beforehand mentioned,
you know, it's Grandpa P's big birthday, and we're gonna be going out for two
meals. One is at a pub, which was near to where we live, so he is quite
familiar with that setting.
And then the other one was at a place that we, he has never
been to And it's a, a bit of a posh restaurant, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, it's An old

manor

house.

Natalie Tealdi:
There's dressing up involved. [00:02:00] It's
just got a very different feel. So I showed him pictures of the place so he
could see what it was like, and I talked him through what it would be like
inside.
So first we'd have drinks in the lounge area, then we go into
another room to have our meal. And I showed him pictures of the gardens and you
know, we can have a look around the garden. So if if you need time to go
outside, you can do that. So that's really how I prepared him for it. What did
you do?
Victoria Bennion:
We've been before at Christmas with just a smaller group, so I didn't do a
whole lot to prepare. My child has a calendar, he's now 11, so that's. for him
as a visual aide. He finds the calendar helpful. What he wants to know is how
long we're going to be there, how long it's going to take to get there.
The biggest stress for him. Was always going to be the food.
It's always the food. We'd pre-ordered the food. They're very flexible. Very, [00:03:00] very good. So There's an adult menu, which
I think when our mom and dad used to take us when we were young, we just
ordered off the adult menu.
I don't think was thought of, you know, to ask for anything
else. Not that we had difficulties in that area, but for my son, that's. I see
it as the experience. So I've long ago accepted that no food may be eaten if we
go to these places, but I see it as, helping their granddad celebrate his
birthday.
Let's make it an enjoyable experience in all the other ways and
take the stress off the food. So We pre-ordered the food, we pre-ordered
chicken nuggets and chips that can be hit to miss. Thinking about it. I
probably should have just pre-ordered chips, but we chicken nuggets and chips.
So He knew that. So he knew how long it was gonna take to get there, how long
we were going to be there, what he was going to eat we talked about who was
going to be there, so it was a bigger gathering than what used [00:04:00] to. When we go, When we've been before,
it's just been, , me, my husband, the two children, and mom and dad.
So only been six. So This time you were there with your family,
and then dad's friend and his wife were also there, so that doubled in size. So
I'd underestimated the impact of that that that would have on my son. . Not
that there's a lot that could be done about that, but he knew how many people
were going to be there.
And then I suppose in terms of what we take, he has his red
bag, which we have all his essentials. Um, Often I'll take a sticker book, but
he's 11, so it's a little bit borderline. But he he had his iPad. That's what
he needs to be able to tolerate those situations.
We have always in, in the bag, We always take the earbuds But
we have headphones that he can plug into his phone if he wants to listen to
music, if he needs to quiet it down that way. We have different things that he
can smell if there's [00:05:00] overpowering
smells, 'cause that will be another barrier when we go places sometimes if
there's strong food smells.
So That was what we did preparation wise. So How did your
preparation go?

Natalie Tealdi: It
was good until it came to actually leaving, leaving the house. I had ordered a
new T-shirt for him to wear and I tried really hard to choose soft fabric, a
style that I know he likes. so I chose a polo shirt, which is what he wears to
school, and he likes wearing those to school. So I thought that would be quite
easy switch from the norm. And he wore it fine, but he wanted
to wear his army joggers with the nice T-shirt. And I said, you know, needs to
be a bit smarter than that. , Let's wear some shorts. 'cause it was a warm day,
you know, and we had got some nice, smart shorts. No, don't wanna wear those.
Okay. So that was the first battle was the clothes

Then you could tell he was anxious. 'cause he [00:06:00] started asking me, , how long are we gonna
be there for? Who's gonna be there? All stuff that we'd been through. But now
it was on the cusp of going, he's obviously feeling more anxious, so we just
carried on and got his sister in the car and then suddenly he just freaks out
and takes all the clothes off and runs up to his room and refuses to go. So we
had quite some time where we weren't sure if we were gonna be able to go at
all.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah. 'cause you called us in the car, didn't you? We were also late, but for
different reasons because we realized our tire was a bit flat when we went to
leave. You said, might not be coming. So we talked through, what could be the
options and maybe just taking the pressure off completely and saying, okay,
that's fine.
If you don't feel able to cope, you could stay at home with dad
and mom and your sister will just go, is, it's fine.

Natalie Tealdi: yeah.
That is basically what we did. So We just took all pressure off, gave him time
to calm down and [00:07:00] just gently try and
coax him, you know? do you think you could. Put your t-shirt on and come with
us. It got to the point where I was gonna be leaving on my own with his sister.
so I just said, look, I'm gonna have to go now. Uh, And then
he, he decided to come.

Victoria Bennion: And
I think that's quite a big part of it, having that ownership

, You chose to give him the space that he needed

and it meant that you were an hour late.

Natalie Tealdi: And
it is, it's balancing that stressor, isn't it? you know, the other family
members are gonna be waiting and getting a bit annoyed, but there's not really
anything you could do.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, that's it. it's either that you were gonna come and give him the time
that he needed to be ready, given with what you were dealing with, or you
weren't gonna come, so we got there. Right. and then how was he, when when you
arrived, had it helped? Looking at the pictures.
Natalie Tealdi: I
think it had helped. I think he was quite intrigued 'cause he quite likes to
treasure hunt. So I said we could go looking around the grounds to see if he
can find [00:08:00] anything. Um, So he was
quite excited by that. But when we got into the lounge to sit down and have the
drinks, he didn't want to be there.
He said, I need to, I need to leave. So I said, okay, we'll
just go outside. So took him outside and I'm glad I didn't order a start. I put
it that way. 'cause I, I, I wouldn't have had it.

Victoria Bennion: No,
you weren't in the room

Natalie Tealdi: no.
But it was enough for him to sort of get used to the surroundings. I said he
didn't have to eat anything if he didn't want to. That's absolutely fine. We
went back into the room and then he did actually eat his food, which I wasn't
expecting him to, but then he enjoyed the food
He did have chicken nuggets and chips, which is like a safe
option.

But though the chips, I dunno that yours picked it up, but the
chips had skin on either end

and usually that would put him off. And he noticed it and he
said, Ooh. But he ate [00:09:00] them. And
that's the first time he's ever eaten chips with skin bits on. But that could
have been end, end of it,
Victoria Bennion: So
Actually you had the tougher bit at the beginning and then he gradually he felt
more comfortable

Natalie Tealdi: And
He was even chatting at the table and quite relaxed for the rest of it. So
yeah, it

Victoria Bennion: For
my son, when the food arrived, I think he was pretty horrified. The chicken
nuggets were the breadcrumb type, I think it was that I'm just guessing, but
he.
Absolutely didn't want that food near him. So we ended up just
moving it away and taking the pressure off. And he was definitely very anxious.
They'd given us a room as we were quite a big party, which was good 'cause it
did mean we could come and go. He was playing a game on his phone.
He was playing Pokemon Go on his phone. So catching the
Pokemon, that was a distraction. But he kept asking me to start with, when are
we going, when are we going, when are we going? [00:10:00]
Again, I'm guessing, but I do wonder if it could be to do with the fact that it
was a big number of people.
He doesn't cope well with large numbers, and then you've got
the big food issues, so you've got all the people around the table eating all
these different things. I don't think any of it particularly smelled strong,
not to me. I don't have such sensitive smell though, as he does. So when you
came back to eat, we went out and that's when we went for a walk in the grounds
again, just to take all the pressure off, take, get away from the food.
And we had a nice walk and he showed me where he'd been with
his granddad a couple of years before and he was happy he was enjoying it in
that way. We just tried to focus on having a nice time. There's no pressure to
eat the food. If you don't want the food, that's fine.
And when we came back, I thought that he might contemplate the
food again, but he didn't. And then we had ice creams came for dessert. He
doesn't usually ice creams. Dairy's [00:11:00]
not the best for him, but sometimes he likes to try it. But I think that was a
good indicator to me that he wouldn't even have it near him.
In the end, someone else had it. I think we shared it out . But
the food, so he didn't eat a thing.

But then our dad's very good and he knows how My son's very
into numbers, which I think yours is, but he asked him to come up and. Talk him
through Pokemon trading, the cards. He collects the cards and then there's an
app that he uses where you can see the value of the cards and he likes tracking
things like that.
And dad's friend a stockbroker, so he wanted my son to show him
how it worked with trading cards. So he found that really interesting. And then
they had a great conversation about stock markets he absolutely loved
demonstrating how the Pokemon worked, that helped him and from his point of
view, had a good time.
And then when I realized, it's been a good few hours since he's
eaten. He's not eaten anything. We're now going in [00:12:00]
for the coffees. I had a Yorkie in his bag, which is one of his safe foods, and
I gave him that and it kept him going and he was happy. He was regulated. He
just couldn't access the food.
Natalie Tealdi: and I
think it's important say, even though you're going out for a meal, the focus
doesn't have to be the meal for our kids. If that's something that they
struggle with, but they still get the benefits in other ways, don't they Like
that conversation
Victoria Bennion:
Yes, that's

it.

Going for the walk. He remembers the high points. We make sure
that we focus on what's good. What's enjoyable and it's the time spent with the
family, the chatting with dad's friend, going for the walk or being together so
in his way he enjoyed that.
We all enjoyed it. It's just that it meals out for us, don't
look like how they do for some other families.

Natalie Tealdi:
That's right and I think it can, I dunno about you, but sometimes when I know
these things are [00:13:00] coming up I I know
that it can potentially be tricky and it puts me off wanting to go, but
sometimes it's worth pushing through
Victoria Bennion:
Yes, for the moments it's. I heard someone say this on stage a copywriter
called Laura Robinson. He's got two autistic boys, and she said you're not
necessarily going to have that perfect day, but there will be moments within
it. That make it worth it.
I'm paraphrasing, but I think that's how we have to look at
when we do things like that. There's likely gonna be challenging moments. Our
children experience the challenges in different ways. But. It was really great
for our dad and I think everybody had a good time.
I know what we were saying was, what would you do differently
next time when we were talking about it. And the thing is, you can't always
predict can you,, what is going to work? Even with the best preparation, things
can go wrong. It can just be the wrong day.
Natalie Tealdi: So
many other factors,

isn't there?

Victoria Bennion:
many [00:14:00] other factors. So you can't
beat yourself up over it. You can just do the best that you can to prepare. I
think what we find is really important, and I know you do the same, is just try
to be really respectful of their boundaries. Give them space, no force, stay
calm,
Natalie Tealdi: yeah,
that's the one for us is really staying calm and even though inside you might
be thinking, oh my God, they're all waiting for us and we gotta go. Don't show
that.
Victoria Bennion: No,
because you wouldn't have got there at all and he would've been upset. So you
have to stay as calm as possible. And I think something that we haven't needed
to talk about in this lunch is, can be sometimes you can get judgment from
other family members, other people at table.
In the room that we are in there wasn't any judgment there. We
are very lucky, but we have been in rooms with extended family and other people
where there is judgment and that's hard. One of the ways that I've dealt with
that before [00:15:00] is to try to educate
them, but I be honest, I think , it fell on deaf ears certainly when I tried.
I try to settle far away from those people. That would be my
strategy to try to keep my child away from it. And try not to take it to heart.
Don't try not to listen and just carry on 'cause you know what's best for your
child at the end of the day. And through trial and error, we know for us, for
him, this approach is best.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
exactly. Yeah. You just have to ignore any other

opinions.

Victoria Bennion:
definitely.

Thanks for joining us today on the Autism Mums Podcast. We hope
you have found a little support, a...

Nutritional Insights for Autism with Lisa Katz

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re exploring the powerful connection between nutrition and wellbeing with the incredibly insightful Lisa Katz, mum, nutritional practitioner, and passionate advocate for holistic autism support.
Biography
Lisa Katz is a passionate advocate, devoted mum, and inspirational voice for families navigating the unique journey of severe Autism. As the mother of triplet boys, Lisa draws strength from her personal experiences.
Lisa has embraced a path of purpose championing healthy eating, clean living, and holistic wellness as essential tools for empowering both her family and other families.
She is focused on helping others make simple changes that will help not only the child with special needs but will truly benefit the entire family.
Key Takeaways
The gut-brain connection and its significance in autism.
Overview of the GAPS Diet and its focus on healing the gut.
The importance of eliminating gluten and dairy for some children.
Practical tips for becoming an informed consumer and reading food labels.
Strategies for integrating dietary changes into family life.
Signs that may indicate dietary issues affecting a child with autism.
The idea that food is medicine and its implications for health.
Tips for navigating social situations and dining out.
The importance of community support for parents of neurodivergent children.

Mentioned in this Episode
The GAPS Diet – Gut and Psychology Syndrome by Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride
ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)
Connect with Lisa Katz
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/lisa.sobelkatz.5
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lisasobelkatz
Lisa's Kitchen Reset Package discount offer
Contact Lisa through Facebook or Instagram (links above) to take up her generous offer of $50 off her Kitchen Reset Package. Simply let her know you heard about the offer here.
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.
Natalie Tealdi: Hi,
it's Natalie. Although you won't hear me in today's interview, I really wanted
to jump on at the start just to say hello and share a few thoughts with you
before we begin.
Victoria Bennion:
That's right. This episode is a conversation I had with Lisa Katz, who's a
nutritional practitioner who has supported her autistic son through quite
significant dietary changes. Lisa shares her experience of using the [00:01:00] GAPS diet and making big shifts in food
choices to support her son's health and behavior.
Natalie Tealdi: Now
before we start, we do want to give a little heads up because if your child has
ARFID or ARFID behaviors, this episode might not feel entirely relevant to your
journey.
Victoria Bennion:
Exactly. So one of my children has ARFID behaviors and as wonderful as it is,
what's worked for Lisa, I know that it wouldn't work for my child. And that's
okay because as you know, every child is different and no one size fits all
advice exists, especially when it comes to food
Natalie Tealdi: but
we also know there are families out there for whom this episode will resonate.
Lisa shares helpful tips about label reading, gut health, and empowering
parents to feel confident making small changes. If you are in a place where you
are considering how food might play a role in your child's wellbeing, you might
find this really inspiring.
Victoria Bennion: So
take what works for your family and leave the rest

Natalie Tealdi: all
right, let's hand over to [00:02:00] Lisa and
Victoria and as always, we are sending love to you wherever you are on your
journey. Okay.
Victoria Bennion:
hello Lisa, and welcome to the podcast.

Lisa Katz: Hi. It's
so nice to be here. Thank you so much for having me.

Victoria Bennion: It
is great to have the chance to talk to you and explore more about your journey
and talk to you about diets and food and everything. I'm looking forward to it.

Lisa Katz: I am too.
Thank you so much.

Victoria Bennion:
Could you start by talking a bit about your journey with autism?

Lisa Katz: My journey
with autism is different than I think a lot of people because. For my son, our
first diagnosis was actually mitochondrial disorder and we got that diagnosis
when he was very young. I should start by saying my son is 21 years old at the
time when he was diagnosed 21 years ago, we had had never heard about
mitochondrial disorder but that was his first diagnosis. Now, if you fast
forward to today, what we know now is that mitochondrial disorder and autism
are, are linked, and if you [00:03:00] go to
somebody that is gonna help you with autism and, your child's symptoms, very
often they're gonna bring up the mitochondria because if you remember in
science class, the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cells.
Lisa Katz: So pretty
much anything that any of us do in our body, our mitochondria are involved and.
In fact, mitochondria is linked with lots of things these days. Autism and
Parkinson's. And Alzheimer's. And just about anything that you talk about in
terms of health, you're gonna be talking about the mitochondria because they're
the, powerhouse.
Lisa Katz: So that
was his first diagnosis, and we didn't even get the autism diagnosis until
years later. And it was such a blip that. I don't remember. .

Lisa Katz: , For me
it was so long ago and autism was also such a rare diagnosis at the point that
I didn't even remember because we were so involved with the mitochondrial
disorder. wasn't until my son Brandon was about [00:04:00]
11 years old that um, started on going down a different road and that's when I
learned that.
Lisa Katz: There are
really things that can be helpful outside of therapy. , It wasn't until he was
11 that I realized that as his mom and the primary caretaker of him, that there
was just more that I could be doing to help him function well. So that is when
I started learning more about health and nutrition and the nutrition side of.
Autism, and that's when I really dove into that when he was about 11.
Victoria Bennion:
Okay, so what dietary. Changes did you need to make at that point?

Lisa Katz: The first
thing that I had heard about was something called the GAPS Diet. GAPS and it's,
uh, Dr. Natasha Campbell wrote a book in it's gut and psychology syndrome, and
it's basically healing the [00:05:00] gut. So
at the time, which was 11 years ago I read the book and , I decided to do this
for him.
Lisa Katz: I decided
to, to implement this, , help heal us get because. If, your listeners aren't
familiar with this or don't know this about autism autism is very much
connected. Like we're very much connected with the gut and the brain, so it's
really important to look at the gut and to work on what we can do to best set
our children up for success.
Lisa Katz: I did the
gap site, which basically , you can get the book, you can, you know, look it
up. It's really easy to access, but , start off, back with the basics. You boil
a chicken. And you boil some vegetables.
Lisa Katz: It's very
nourishing. Good old chicken and vegetables and you start with that. And so it
was getting rid of. The Cheez-Its, getting rid of the junk That I was feeding
him and really nourishing his body.
Lisa Katz: I like to
use the word nourish [00:06:00] because that's
what was my focus and that is still my focus, 10 and a half years later, is how
do I nourish his body from the gut to the brain? All the way down because my
son is nonverbal, which I'm sure many of your listeners have children who are
nonverbal as well.
Lisa Katz: I wanna
make sure that no matter what, that he has the nutrition, he needs to be able
to show up as his best. And so that starts with diet. So I did the gas diet
with him and you slowly advance and you move on to other things as well. Let me
tell you. I was not perfect. I get overwhelmed like I'm sure many of you guys
do too.
Lisa Katz: I get
overwhelmed and I'm like, okay, I'm not doing this exactly right and it's okay.
It's totally okay. So I did that and at the same time that this was happening,
I had another son that was getting a diagnosis of pandas, which I'm not sure
how many [00:07:00] of your listeners have
heard about, but now, at least in the US I'm not sure about over there, but
it's one in 200 kids now getting diagnosed with pans and pandas. It's
inflammation of the brain. Oftentimes with autism, they can go hand in hand. So
I had another son that was getting diagnosed with pandas. I was getting
diagnosed with two autoimmune conditions, so it was like all of this stuff was
happening within a few years, and so I changed all of our diets.
Lisa Katz: We went
gluten-free. We went dairy-free because I knew like to bring down the
inflammation I needed to support our bodies better. that was a huge pivotal
point when I started doing that. And I will tell you When I made the dietary
changes for Brandon, my son with autism, and if you've ever read anything about
gluten and dairy free, there are a few people. Who will tell you, oh my gosh,
my kids started talking. That did not happen here. That did not [00:08:00] happen here. Because of the gluten and the
casing can be so toxic to their bodies that once they get rid of that, it can
happen. It does happen. It can happen. It's doesn't happen for everybody. But
what does usually happen, and what did, happen is that he was calmer.
Lisa Katz: He was
able to go to sleep easier. And he was able to settle his bodies down so much.
So it was enough that we just have never looked back. We have never looked
back. I still feed him that way. So it was a major breakthrough and I think
it's a piece that unfortunately a lot of parents miss.
Lisa Katz: And it's
unfortunate because , pediatrician's office isn't telling you about these
things 'cause they don't have the education on nutrition. So you really have to
see like a functional medicine specialist. To get the information or as a mom,
you seek it out and, find the information yourself.
Victoria Bennion: How
did your son react [00:09:00] to the dietary
changes at the beginning?

Lisa Katz: was a
little bit um, surprised that he wasn't getting his other foods, but overall he
did well for me. I just made sure he had enough to eat. I just, wanna make sure
he had enough to eat. So he did. Really well.
Lisa Katz: And I
think most kids will do really well. Those that are like the really sensory,
picky eaters, it's gonna be a little tougher road, and I think as parents we
have to also get our mindset right and that,, Is for the best. Like I don't
know how it is over there, but like in here in America like, you got good
grades, let's go get ice cream.
Lisa Katz: , Is not
good for our bodies, but, or it's, a special occasion, let's celebrate and
let's eat all the junk food. So

Lisa Katz: we have to
change our mindset on that, especially his parents and his moms. It, so hard
because I think there's that element of, oh, I don't wanna take away that food
that he loves, but actually it's more loving to provide him with food that
actually is gonna love his body back. Because, [00:10:00]
you know, like goldfish and Cheez-Its, and all of that stuff. There's no
nutritional value there, but we just have to, as moms, we have to have our
mindsets.
Lisa Katz: Like that.
This is good and this is good for everybody. This is good for the whole family.
This is eating back in the way that our ancestors ate. We've gotten so far away
from that
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, we have.

Lisa Katz: It's
really important, especially if you have a spouse to get your spouse on board
hey, we're doing this as a family.

Victoria Bennion:
absolutely. So if someone is thinking about making some dietary changes for
their family, what are some easy swaps they can start making in the kitchen?

Lisa Katz: Well, one
of the best things that you can do is to start reading your labels, so become
an informed consumer. And the best thing you can do is to buy foods without any
labels. So think about when you go to the grocery store. And, know, the
vegetables don't have labels. The fruit doesn't have labels, the meat doesn't
have labels and, [00:11:00] and those kind of
things. But the things that do have labels, because most of us are gonna bring
some foods into our house that have labels. We just are. But start reading your
labels and start figuring out, okay, what is in here? I will give a little tip
to everybody here. Ingredient labels, they're listed in the order of what has
the highest concentration of what. So for instance, if you're buying something
that you would be packaged raw fruit is gonna be best, say you're on the go.
You want something healthy.
Lisa Katz: You wanna
make sure when you look at that label that it's really just the fruit you wanna
make sure, because a lot of times, especially let's take applesauce for
instance. you wanna buy applesauce, you want to make sure there's not sugar
with that applesauce. So you wanna read the label like, is it apples?
Lisa Katz: And then
maybe does some sort of like lemon juice or something like, just a little bit
of something that would be fine. But look at all those preservatives. that's
one way to, that's really [00:12:00] the first
I, I'd like to help people start, is start being an informed consumer. I do
help people one-on-one learn how to be a label reader. I was, I had a call
yesterday with a mom she wants to focus first on getting out the food d, which
guys I think is probably a great place to start. It's an easy place to start.
You wanna make sure that you, you don't have food, dies in your food.
Lisa Katz: And so we
were talking yesterday. so I wanna encourage everybody to, if you have mac and
cheese in your house, look at that label. Is there food coloring in there? If
you have chips in your house, she had Cheetos and she had no idea there was
food coloring in Cheetos. So become an an informed consumer. Start reading your
labels. Start with the stuff that's already in your home so you can do the
research now before you go to the store and it gets overwhelming, but start
figuring out food dies are a great place to start.
Lisa Katz: In Europe
you guys ban a lot more than we do here in America. We're kind of just starting
to ban, but what [00:13:00] you can do is ban
them in your house before they even come into your house. I also really
advocate for gluten and dairy free. That's something that everybody has to
decide individually and I work with people one-on-one to help decide, you know,
what's going on in the family, what do things look like? Sometimes your kids
can be addicted to like dairy or sugar, sugar's, another big one. if they like,
have to have it and be careful. I always say be careful with the fruits too.
has your child with autism had like laughter where it's just like maniacal
laughter where they just laugh at and you're like, what is
Lisa Katz: going on?

Victoria Bennion:
possibly not

Lisa Katz: okay. It
happens for a lot of people. It happens for a lot of people their child is just
laughing and, it could be a yeast issue, I usually limit my son with us.

Lisa Katz: We do two
fruits a day and we do, we'll do blueberries and we'll a pear each day. you
know, if he has a little bite of apple here, fine. it's fine. But I know if
he's just like laughing and it's kind of, [00:14:00]
it's this drunk laughter. I know some of you guys are gonna be watching and
he'll be like, oh my gosh, my son does this too.
Lisa Katz: Or my kid
does this too. I know I gotta. Pull back on the fruit. So even fruit, you know,
their little bodies are so sensitive, and so it's so important that we tune
into what is going on and am I feeding and allowing my child to have something
that is making this
Lisa Katz: situation
worse?

Victoria Bennion:
Okay, so I'm curious, at what point did you start helping others?

Lisa Katz: I...

Summer Holiday Struggles and Strategies for SEND Families

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria and Natalie open up about the often-overlooked challenges that school holidays bring for families of autistic children. While many look forward to summer as a time to unwind, for SEND families, it can mean disrupted routines, inaccessible childcare, and emotional overload for both children and parents.
Key Takeaways
The change in routine of the summer holidays can cause emotional distress for autistic children (such as Natalie's son.)
Traditional holiday clubs are often not suitable for neurodivergent children
Planning can be helpful for some families -Structured days with visual timetables and pre-planned outings
Finding clubs with adequate support for older children—or any children under 8—is still a major barrier for many families.
Even the best laid plans can need flexibility, especially when emotions run high or children have different needs on the day.
You may find it works best to create moments for each child to have their needs met, sometimes separately.
Finding other parents in similar situations provides not just understanding, but practical help from playdates to moral support.
Self-care can be challenging but it's still important, even it you can find small moments for an evening meditation or a chat with a friend.
Joy can be found in simpler, slower summer moments

Mentioned in This Episode
Learn more about visual timetables - https://www.caudwellchildren.com/visual-timetables-for-autistic-children/
ASCape - https://ascapegroup.org/
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
Hello, I'm Victoria, and today we're talking about something that can be
especially tough for many families. The school holidays, when you hear the word
holiday, most people think of relaxing, unwinding, and quality family time. But
if you're raising an autistic child, the reality can look very different.
Victoria Bennion: It
does for Natalie. So in this episode, we're sharing honest stories from our own
lives. [00:01:00] We're talking about what's
worked, what hasn't, and sharing a few simple strategies that we've found
helpful that we hope might help you to make Summer a little more manageable.
Natalie Tealdi: this
is a time of year that we really struggle with because our son really loves his
routine, so now he's in A school he enjoys, he likes to go there every day and
he'd quite happily go there every day of the week. Thank you very much. All
year round, which I'm sure his teachers would absolutely love.
Natalie Tealdi: So we
notice as school holidays are approaching perhaps. Two weeks before each
holiday, he starts to get more stressed. We see more stimming, more
dysregulated behaviors, his diet's affected, doesn't eat as much, those kind of
things. So when it actually gets to holidays, he just doesn not like being out
of his routine,
Victoria Bennion:
I've heard other parents say the same struggle, but for my son, he's counting
down [00:02:00] to the holidays and he loves
that all the pressure has taken off. I so it's really interesting always for me
to hear I'm sorry for you that it's challenging.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
and I think it is also, it's a bit of a mindset thing because you hear holiday
and you think, oh, time to relax. Oh, it'd be so nice if it was like that. And
I know that it is like that for some families and that's brilliant. But for us
it actually means more work, more planning needs to be involved.
Natalie Tealdi: He's
very physical, so it's not only the mental planning that needs to go into it,
it's the physical as well. I need to be on it. I need to be doing things with
him because he needs that physical stimulation.
Victoria Bennion: I
remember when he was quite little and you were trying to find suitable clubs
and you had a bad experience with the holiday club. That was quite early on, .
That was when you were starting to realize that there were some issues here.
Things were not all Okay.
Natalie Tealdi: That
club [00:03:00] was, I'd put him in for three
full days a week. I think it was two or three, so that I could work. At that
point I was working at a university. So I put him into. This club, and it was a
disaster. He just could not cope. He tried to run away several times. He was
kicking out. He just did not want to be there, did not want to join in and
wasn't coping.
Natalie Tealdi: And
at the time I didn't know what was going on because I had inklings that he was
struggling with things, but I didn't really know why. And we ended up taking
him out of there and I had to reduce my work hours, which was very stressful
'cause I just couldn't do my job properly. And it was then, that was before he
started school.
Natalie Tealdi: So it
was then that I contacted the senco at the school to alert them to this
experience so that they were a bit prepared for when he started school.

Victoria Bennion: The
following year, when you started. Looking for clubs or how you were gonna cover
the summer holidays, you knew that clubs like that wouldn't [00:04:00] be a good fit for your son.

Natalie Tealdi:
Exactly. We knew that he needed a lot more support. He finds following
instructions very difficult, and also he doesn't. Really like following
instructions. So if a game is a certain way, he will look at it and think let's
play it a different way and design his own. So he's very, it's clever in that
way, but he needs a lot of support for following instructions and also managing
his emotions too.
Victoria Bennion:
When you are looking at clubs, what are the kind of clubs that he would like to
do?

Natalie Tealdi: He
enjoys water sports climbing. That kind of thing. Very physical things, but he
would need somebody with him.

Victoria Bennion: Was
his age a factor in finding clubs that had the right support?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah
I found that under eight, particularly a lot of clubs just wouldn't take under
eights. I dunno why that is.

Natalie Tealdi: I
wonder if it's to do with [00:05:00] personal
care or.

Victoria Bennion:
Could be.

Natalie Tealdi: I
don't know, level of maturity generally,

Victoria Bennion: So
what did you do? In that time where you couldn't find clubs that would take him
'cause he wasn't old enough, if they did have the right support and you
couldn't put him into clubs for neurotypical children because he wouldn't cope
or they wouldn't go well. So what were you left with when you were trying to
juggle working and your other child?
Natalie Tealdi: It's
basically down to us. So what we actually did was get a nanny for our younger
child because that was easier to find care for her. It's expensive option. But
I didn't want to put her in a child minder when she was so little. So we got a
nanny in that could look after her sometimes in the home and sometimes take her
out so that I could fully focus on my son.
Natalie Tealdi: And
we still have the nanny now. Not as many hours, but. We do, and we also, we are
lucky enough to, [00:06:00] we do get funding
for our son now to have a pa, but that's only for four hours a week during
holidays. So when it comes to me working, it doesn't leave much room with the
childcare that's involved to me and my husband.
Natalie Tealdi: Take
a lot of time off.

Victoria Bennion: I
think that's true of a lot of families who have the same difficulties as you do
is very hard. Few weeks to juggle.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
and I find that I want to work because that is my time off. And then I feel
guilty saying that. 'cause of course I like to spend time with my children, but
at the same time, that is my respite as well. And I do need that time to just
be me.
Victoria Bennion:
That makes sense. Since he's turned 8, have you found that now you have more
options for this summer?

Natalie Tealdi: Not a
whole load more. It's not just finding activities. It's finding things that he
would be willing to go to and be willing to try. And that can be, tricky in
itself.
Victoria Bennion: At [00:07:00] the beginning you talked a little bit
about. Needing to plan and how your son likes the structure of school. So how
do you approach this in the holidays to ensure that he has structure? I'm
assuming you can't just say, today, think we'll go to the beach.
Natalie Tealdi: No,
we can't do that. We use visual timetables and. I organize play dates with
children that I know he will play well with. They all involve me though, so
it's not like I can drop him off at a friend's house and leave him. I have to
be there, which means I then need care for the younger one because where
they've got the age gap, it's not compatible.
Natalie Tealdi: So
play dates family trips. And yet the visual timetables, timers,

Victoria Bennion:
They're good tips. What would you suggest you do? If you've got a family and
you have both neurodivergent children and neurotypical children in it, how do
you cater for both?[00:08:00]
Natalie Tealdi: That
is a very good question and I'm not sure I can answer it myself. It's something
we are working through

Victoria Bennion: I
actually think even if you have neurodivergent children, their needs might be
very different. As we've just talked about. Holidays don't bring the same
problem to me as they do for you. So you could have one of mine and one of
yours within the same family. So I'm imagining that would. Require different
skills.
Victoria Bennion:
Like you a timetable's, really important, but my son's just turned 11, so what
we make use of now is the calendar that he has in his room. He's okay with it
being written, but he needs to see what's the plan is and ideally the timings.
That's the bit I struggle with, but. If he can see the shape of the week, like
you, it's very difficult to just be spontaneous and say, today we're going to
do this.
Victoria Bennion: For
his anxiety levels, it needs to be structured and it needs to be planned.

Victoria Bennion: I [00:09:00] used to get it so wrong for what my son
needed. I used to think I was being great. I was taking them out. I was
planning all these things and actually I was overloading him particularly, I
think now I was probably overloading my daughter as well they both benefit from
that downtime.
Victoria Bennion: I
realized that. Whilst we do activities, they need to recover from that and it
takes quite a lot outta them.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
that's true. And I do, we timetable in time apart from the two siblings so that
they both get time to themselves. They both get time just with mom or just with
dad as well, which can help.
Victoria Bennion:
that's a good idea. That's a good idea. We definitely have to do some separate
things as well because it just. My daughter can cope with going to town, for
example, whereas my son would find a trip like that quite hard. So yeah, it's
looking at what works for which child and then [00:10:00]
who's around and how you can split up your time.
Natalie Tealdi: And I
also think is if you plan days out. You've gotta be able to adapt those plans
because you can plan to go out for a day altogether and you can be just about
to get in the car and then one of them decides, no, can't do that today. So
it's about having a plan B there that can help as well.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, that's a good point. That is a good point. I think we probably don't do a
lot of that. We tend to plan lots of little things nearby things because it's,
without thinking about it really, isn't it? It's, it comes over the years of
knowing what works and what doesn't work.
Victoria Bennion: And
we've had disastrous trips to Legoland and places like that just don't work for
my son. So we keep it a lot more low key in the summer holidays. Luckily, we
live. In a holiday destination.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,

Victoria Bennion: At
this point, I know the [00:11:00] kind of
activities that are gonna work like the beach, like the woods nature, not too
busy.
Victoria Bennion: , I
was thinking about friends the other day who go to so many of , the local
events that take place in air shows and, . I automatically filter them out. I
don't even consider going
Natalie Tealdi: I
know. Yeah. And actually I struggle with those myself. So there you go.

Victoria Bennion:
Okay.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
so then to have to support the children when I'm struggling myself is even
worse.

Victoria Bennion:
What would you say about community support? How useful is that?

Natalie Tealdi: So I
would say reach out to parents in similar situations because that's one thing
that really helps me is other parents and arranging play dates with those kids
because they get it and if you're gonna be late they'll understand. And you can
vent to each other, got some good mum
Natalie Tealdi:
friends.

Victoria Bennion: who
understand. How do you look after yourself over [00:12:00]
the summer?

Natalie Tealdi: Not
very well because I find once I've got the activities planned for the children
and work sorted out, I just get left to the bottom of the pile which is wrong.
I need to get better at that. It's my evenings, I just try to just do a bit of
meditation. Just something very simple or chatting with a friend, but I don't
arrange social stuff for myself 'cause it's too much on top of everything else.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, I think it depends as well if you find social things uplifting or if they
drain you as well,

Natalie Tealdi: Yes,
that is a very good point. I can find social things tricky anyway, so I have to
manage my own stress.

Victoria Bennion: And
that makes sense that you have to do what works for you. Alright, so how can
parents go about building a network of support through the summer holidays? I.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:13:00] I think support groups a great way to meet
people.

Victoria Bennion:
There are some good ones near us. There's ASCape in Bridport? if you join
local, send Facebook groups, you might see activities there or meetups

Natalie Tealdi: like
family days, don't they? Where the parents go along, but then you can just chat
to other parents and,

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah. So it's a dual purpose, so it can give you somewhere that you can take
the children and also that's how you can start building a network and finding
people who understand that your situation.
Natalie Tealdi: I
wish there were more of them, to be honest.

Victoria Bennion:
It's definitely something that's really needed.

Natalie Tealdi: In an
ideal world, I wish the school ran summer activities, even if it was like.
Really reduced maybe just every morning or something like that. That would be
something to give a little bit of respite, but also provide that routine for
the children.
Victoria Bennion: My
son's school does run something attached as a [00:14:00]
riding stables, but. It's also quite expensive, and as I say, it's not
something that we need to look at, again, it's budgeting it all as well, isn't
it?
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
I remember one year I booked quite a lot of send activities for my son and I
drove all around the county. Obviously when I booked them, I didn't really
research where we were going, and I ended up on all these long drives down farm
tracks and by the time we actually got there, me and my son were both
exhausted.
Natalie Tealdi: But
yeah, so I've learned from that experience to look at where these places are
before you book.

Victoria Bennion: I
think I remember that because it was quite good, wasn't it? Quite a lot of
sporting activities and things that he liked. It was just not always anywhere
near where we live.
Natalie Tealdi: Yes,
exactly. I didn't realize quite the area that was covered I thought was more
local, but yes, now I know better.

Victoria Bennion: So
you go into September exhausted, and then for me, that's more where [00:15:00] our struggles will begin with having to go
back to school, which I think is worth another episode

Natalie Tealdi: yeah,
I think so. It's like we flip, don't we? we...

Exploring Sleep Struggles for Autistic Children

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this episode we’re joined by Maria Moreno, a paediatric sleep consultant and motherhood life coach. With her wealth of experience, Maria shares insights on the unique sleep struggles faced by autistic children and offers practical advice for parents navigating these challenges. From personalised sleep plans to sensory considerations, this conversation is packed with valuable information to help families find their way to more restful nights.
Biography
Maria Moreno is a certified paediatric sleep consultant—with a specialization in neurodivergent sleep—and a motherhood life coach dedicated to supporting moms through the emotional challenges of motherhood. She holds a master’s degree in art education and has spent over 15 years working with neurodivergent children, bringing a deep understanding and empathy to the families she serves. After navigating postpartum depression and severe sleep deprivation, she founded Mindful Mother to help families restore rest and balance. She’s also the co-founder of Tumago, a handmade comfort blanket brand designed with sensory-sensitive and neurodivergent children in mind. Maria blends lived experience, professional training, and compassionate coaching to empower overwhelmed moms with practical, personalized tools that bring calm, connection, and confidence to their motherhood journey.
Key Takeaways
Understanding Individual Needs: Every child is different, and sleep plans should be tailored to their unique personalities and family dynamics.
Importance of Routines: Consistent bedtime routines can help children understand what to expect and ease the transition to sleep.
Visual Supports: Utilising visuals, like personalised bedtime books, can aid in preparing children for sleep changes.
Sensory Considerations: Addressing sensory sensitivities with appropriate comfort items can significantly improve sleep quality.
Environmental Factors: Creating a calming sleep environment, including blackout curtains and white noise machines, can help minimise disruptions.
Connect with Maria Moreno
Email - mindfulmotherllc@gmail.com
Website - www.mindfulmother.biz
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mindfulmother_sleep/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mindfulmother1
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/MindfulMother_LifeCoach
LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/mindfulmother
Maria's Gentle Sleep Starter Guide for Kids with Autism
https://www.mindfulmother.biz/autismsleep
This guide is designed to help parents gently create better sleep routines for their neurodivergent children, without cry-it-out methods or rigid schedules. It’s full of simple, parent-friendly tools that truly make a difference.
In addition to this free guide, Maria is kindly offering 20% off Tumago handmade comfort blankets with code AUTISMMOM These sensory-sensitive blankets were inspired by Maria's own daughters and lovingly handmade by her family.
https://tumago.etsy.com
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] today, we're excited to welcome to the podcast Maria Marino, a certified pediatric sleep consultant and motherhood life coach. After our last episode about sleep, many of you reached out with questions about sleep challenges, so we thought it would be great to explore these themes further if you don't know Maria, she holds a Master's degree in art education and has over 15 years experience working with neurodivergent children. After navigating her own struggles with postpartum depression and sleep deprivation, she founded Mindful Mother to help families restore balance and rest.
Maria is the co-founder of Tumago. A handmade comfort blanket brand designed specifically for sensory sensitive children. Her blend of lived experience and
professional expertise empowers overwhelmed parents with practical,
personalized tools to enhance their journey.

Natalie Tealdi: Welcome to the podcast Maria.
Maria Moreno: Thank you so much for having me.
Natalie Tealdi: We would love to know more about what inspired you
to become a [00:01:00] pediatric sleep
consultant and motherhood life coach especially for neurodivergent
families, I.

Maria Moreno: I have a master's in art education and I have
worked with kids for over 15 years. Being in the arts or being in
elective class I. I have very single type of kid coming in and out of
my classroom I find that as a blessing
'cause I've been able to work with kids with autism, with kids, with
A DHD, so on and so forth. I have my fair share of experience and I
have always have a special place in my heart because it's just.
Amazing. I love it I became a mom during COVID my little one had
reflux, had a heart condition, had a bunch of things going on at the
same time, and she was a very poor sleeper. She would wake up most.
Five, six times a night for at least the first six months before I
hired my own first sleep consultant.

What was wild to me is that
the pediatrician never really told me anything about a sleep
consultant until I was like, this is really affecting me. My
postpartum [00:02:00] depression was
escalating, postpartum anxiety was escalating. Postpartum rage was
starting to pop up. I was seeing blurry.

It was just not great at all.
I hired, a sleep consultant, with my little one by three to four
nights. She was already sleeping through the night. She would wake up
maybe once to eat and then continue.

From there, I realized a huge
change and how beneficial obviously it is to sleep because a lot of
us, tend to take rest for granted. I was, start helping other moms,
giving them like little tips, tricks and whatever. And then a mom
actually told me, Hey, why don't you do this?

Okay. I got into the sleep
consulting and. Then I realized that, where I got my certification,
they also have four neurodivergent kids. And I like this because that
means I can help more families. My nature is to be able to help as
many families and kids because, I have experienced what sleep
deprivation is firsthand and. I can only imagine having, a little one
with autism with anxiety, with a [00:03:00]
DHD, so on and so forth. I decided to get my certification because I
wanted to be able to help as many as I can. That is how, mindful
mother became to be,

Victoria:
I like what you say. I don't like what you say about sleep
deprivation, but it took me back 'cause my daughter was a terrible
sleeper too. She'd reflux and I think it was 18 months before she
slept through the night. So I didn't know there were such things as
sleep consultant. So it's brilliant to hear what you are doing. In
terms of, your work with neurotypical children and neurodivergent
children. what differences do you see?

Maria
Moreno: Usually it's a process that it's a little bit
longer and the reason why is because I like to take it step by step.
A lot of people tend to put everything just cookie cutter, and ,
every kid. Doesn't matter who. Every kid is completely different. The
personalities are different.

Their needs are different.
Their family dynamics is different. What their parents also need is
different. So I don't like to sit here and be like, Hey cut cutter
here. This is what [00:04:00] you got.
It's fine. It works for every kid. With autism, no, that's not how it
works because I know that there's different spectrums.

I know that, depending on the
texture, depending on the colors, depending on the environment,
depending on everything it's a combination of things, and is one of
the biggest difference that, it's not going to be, two weeks or a
week.

It's gonna be a little bit
longer because it's a prepping work for them to start understanding
what's coming up next and for the family to also be already, okay,
this is what's coming up next, step by step. So that way it's a
smoother transition than if it's just like. Do this, do that, do
this, and just everything is just one to two weeks. That's how we get
more tantrums not very happy families,

Victoria:
yeah, that makes sense. You definitely need the time to get used to
the change. Yeah, I can see that.

Natalie
Tealdi: Can you walk us through what a personalized sleep
plan looks like and how your custom bedtime books support the
process?

Maria
Moreno: A personalized sleep plan I go over with the
family the [00:05:00] intake form. Then
after that I go over the actual plan with them, and then I create a
personalized sleep book for the child. It's not only just one book,
it's a series of okay, this is phase one. Okay, this is phase two.

This is phase three. So let's
say, that child is used to sleeping in the bed, in the room, or in
the bedroom with the parents. And the parent's would like them to be
able to sleep in their own bed or in their own bedroom. How do we
start doing that? So we're not gonna go from okay, you know what?

You're sleeping in your room.
That's it. No, there's different steps to it, right? So creating
these personalized books, it becomes. Personal to 'em. It's oh, this
is me in the book. Awesome. It's easy for them to understand.

It's easier for them to
process. Because any type of change for anybody is very hard. The
best way that I explain it to parents is you have your favorite
pillow, right? And I come along and I either take it away or give you
a different one, or you're gonna be happy.

No,

Victoria:
No.

Maria
Moreno: not at all. So [00:06:00]
imagine, a child. And then a child with autism, it's even harder,
it's harder for them to understand so the books help with that
process, it helps it become more personalized. It helps them to
understand whether, leaving the bottle or this is how we go from
sleeping in the bedroom.

So I had a client. That she
wanted him to start sleeping in his own room. And we did a little
book of okay, we're gonna be sleep, mommy's gonna be in the bed with
you in your room. So that's the first transition. So we started just
little by little working on that.

For him to be comfortable with
his space, comfortable with his bed, and. Like I said, it all depends
on the personality and where in the spectrum,

Victoria:
Yeah, I can see that. Certainly my son and probably yours, Natalie,
would really benefit from seeing things visually. So I can see that a
book is such a good tool to use to help ease that transition. Such a
great idea. I.

Maria:
end of the case, hey, like

Maria
Moreno: if there is,

Maria:
you know,

Maria
Moreno: certain books [00:07:00]
when it's not personalized,

They don't really react the
same way, and that goes for any child. Imagine your name being on, on
a book. It's ooh, oh wow. This is awesome, so yeah. So that's the
reason I really enjoy doing these small little series to help with
the process.

Victoria:
When parents and carers come. To you, are some of them completely
exhausted and overwhelmed?

Maria:
Most of 'em. Yes. Yeah. , Most parents tend to be already on that
thread of just I don't know what else to do.

Victoria:
What do you advise them when they come to you and they're in that
state?

Maria
Moreno: I like to work a step at a time because what I
have realized, even, in my own personal life, when you start taking
everything just one wave, it's a lot. It's a lot for anybody. For
parents, it's tripled because you're not only thinking about
yourself, but you're also thinking about, your kids.

The amount of pressure and now
what society tells you what you should and shouldn't do, and what you
can and cannot do, what's good and for your, it's just so many things
that it's just like it can drive somebody crazy and then we're here
wondering why parents [00:08:00] are
reacting the way that they're reacting.

Natalie
Tealdi: So can you tell us more about to Margo and how
sense. Three friendly comfort items can support neurodivergent
children at bedtime.

Maria
Moreno: So that's actually a cute story. Tomago is
actually a handmade blankets that my mom. Make, I began with my first
daughter they have little holes, both of my girls are so obsessed
with them that I have to wash 'em like three to four times a week. I
would see her and she would just be rubbing it on her face and things
like that, right? And so I would tell my mom I was like, why don't
you start selling them? This is amazing. This is not the typical
blanket that you're gonna see, , in kids stores you're not gonna see
'em anywhere. And she was like, okay. So she started making them and
she makes 'em with so much love. And then as I. Her company continued
growing. I went to different events and then a mom with a little one
with autism came along and he touched it and he did not let it go.

He was like that's not, Nope,
that's not happening. And so that's when it came to me that I looked
at my mom, I was like, mom, [00:09:00]
this could be very helpful. For kids with autism, for kids, even with
a DHD, with sensory, like any, with anxiety.

We have already a couple of
clients that their kids have autism we have the smaller ones that
they can take anywhere, and then you see them putting their fingers
through, right? And so I know that tends to help them soothe overall,
just like the texture itself,

we have different colors to be
less stimulating. We have realized that it really helps kids soothe.
It's just been a wonderful experience to be able to help the
community with their little ones that they could just take it
anywhere, which is the best part.

You're not have to be worrying
about like a big blanket or anything like that. It's the same texture
depending on the size. And yeah, that's how I came to be.

Victoria:
Oh, fantastic.

Natalie
Tealdi: They look lovely. You're giving me flashbacks as
well. 'cause do you remember my yellow blanket, Victoria? I had a
yellow blanket when I was little, and I used to always wanna sleep
with that yellow blanket and my mom would just swap it for another
one that wasn't quite the same, [00:10:00]
just so she could wash it.

And I always knew it was the
wrong one.

Maria
Moreno: Yeah, I actually had a dad that when he came by
the table in one of the events, he was like, oh, he didn't even have
his daughter next to him, but he touched him. He is oh, this is nice.
But he was like, still debating because he was like, I have bought so
many blankets at this point that the one that she had was already
like, she, he was like, it was ready to throw away,

so I was like, listen, it's
okay. Here, take one of the small ones and if you like them. You can
come back, or just contact me and I'll be more than happy to, have my
mom, pick the color you can let me know the size. And then he ended
up buying four because the little girl loved it so much it was almost
three years that he's been trying to find some type of other blanket
to be able to, like exchange.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah.

Maria
Moreno: My 4-year-old she has to sleep with four or five
of 'em. And the greatest part of it is like the holes that they
could, they love to put it on their face so you're not, worrying
about like the suffocation either.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria:
Can you share any sort of top
practical tips for sleep [00:11:00]
strategies? I know they're personalized, but is there common things
that you see, things that people can do that they're not doing?

Maria:
The pretty obvious ones is have visuals, right? And the routines tend
to be very helpful. But I know that it's hard to stick with the
routines sometimes because of all the therapies and medical
appointments, so on and so forth, I would like for any mom on here
that's actually listening, give yourself grace.

Because at the end of the day,
motherhood is not easy. And just try to take a huge deep breath it's
easier said than done, but. Routines tend to be very helpful. The
books help a lot because that way, the children know what's coming up
next and what the process is gonna be about.

Because , if we prepare our
kids to be able to understand what's going on the transitions tend to
be smoother. Then also the sensory part, usually things like the
blankets tend to help out a lot to be able to help to [00:12:00]
self-soothe throughout the night.

And, I know that melatonin
because I heard the conversation that you guys had in the episode. It
does help but it can...

Fitness and Autism - Transforming Lives Through Movement with Mark Fleming

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this inspiring episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re joined by Mark Fleming, an autistic fitness coach and founder of a fitness brand dedicated to supporting neurodivergent individuals. Mark shares how sport and movement helped him regulate his own system growing up and how he now empowers others through exercise.
From working with Special Olympics athletes to seeing remarkable transformations in his clients — including improved focus, reduced anxiety, and even newfound verbal skills — Mark’s work highlights the life-changing benefits of accessible, neurodiversity-informed fitness.
We explore:
How exercise can support sensory regulation, cognitive functioning, and behaviour in autistic children and adults.
Practical strategies to help children ease into movement, even if they are reluctant.
Mark’s own journey to becoming a fitness entrepreneur and advocate for neurodivergent athletes.

Whether you’re wondering how to help your child build confidence through movement, or looking for hope and inspiration, this episode is full of practical wisdom and encouragement.
Biography
Dr. Mark Fleming is an autistic entrepreneur who owns and runs a fitness brand called Equally Fit where he provides exercise training and consulting to those with disabilities. He obtained his Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Exercise Science from The University of Alabama and his PhD in Kinesiology from Concordia University at St. Paul. He has spent time working in Applied Behavior Analysis and has coached Special Olympics, where his athlete's all won gold at the state competition level. He has been featured on CNN.com, Mens Health magazine, various websites and other magazines as well as on every local news channel in Tampa. He served as the first autistic chair for the constituency board for C.A.R.D-USF in 2023-24.
Key Takeaways
How exercise helps regulate sensory systems and supports emotional balance in autistic individuals.
How small, consistent steps can help children and adults embrace movement without overwhelm.
How structured exercise can reduce stimming, improve focus, and open new possibilities for learning and socialising.
How supporting children with ADHD through exercise can channel energy positively and improve self-awareness.
How gradual progress and celebrating small wins can build lifelong confidence and resilience.
How Mark's lived experience inspires families to reimagine what's possible for their children and themselves.

Mentioned in This Episode
Special Olympics - Dedicated to empowering individuals with intellectual disabilities through sport.
Center for Autism and Related Disabilities at the University of South Florida - Where Mark served as the first autistic chair on the constituency board.

Connect with Mark Fleming
Website - www.equallyfit.com
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/dr.markf31
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/official_drmark/

Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
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Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
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Transcript
Hello and welcome to the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And
I'm Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the joy, the
challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive space for honest
conversations, practical tips, shared strength and expert advice. Whether you
are celebrating a win, surviving a meltdown, or just trying to make it through
the day, we are right here with you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
Today we're joined by an incredibly inspiring guest, Mark Fleming, an autistic
fitness coach and founder of a fitness brand dedicated to supporting
neurodivergent individuals. In this conversation, mark shares how sport helped
him regulate his own system, growing up his journey, starting his own business,
and his work with the special Olympic athletes, plus the [00:01:00] transformations he's seen in his clients.
Victoria Bennion:
Hello and welcome to the podcast, mark. It's lovely to get the chance to talk
to you again. Can I start by asking you, has exercise always been important in
your life?
Mark Fleming: Yeah, I
grew up loving sports I was a three varsity ladder athlete in high school. And
I think part of the reason why is I. That it regulated my system is that, it
was ingrained in me that if I was active, I was, able to focus on schooling a
little bit better and being able to deal with all the anxiety and stuff that
comes with being autistic.
Victoria Bennion:
That's really good. That's really interesting to know.

Natalie Tealdi: Can
you talk us through your journey to starting a fitness brand in 2017?

Mark Fleming: Shortly
after getting my master's, I didn't know the direction I was going in life.
Ended up working for a b, A company. I. As a behavior assistant. And [00:02:00] through that, and also being a coach for
Special Olympics, because I wanted to be involved in athletics, somehow I
noticed a startling trend that these kids that I was working with that had
motor deficiencies, they seemed to be popping up in the older generations that
I worked with in Special Olympics. And so I knew there was a physical activity
gap. And since I was couldn't go anywhere with a BA because I needed to go back
to school if I wanted to progress in that field, I decided it was probably
best.
Mark Fleming: With my
academic background in exercise science to try to help this population become
more physically active. And I started out at the trunk of my car, and that's
how that got started.
Victoria Bennion:
Wow. That's a great story.

Victoria Bennion: So
you started your fitness brand in 2017, so that means what was the pandemic
like for you?

Mark Fleming: Yeah.
The pathway with that is [00:03:00] that I did
in-home for two years and got a studio in 2019 which probably wasn't. A great
idea, hindsight being 2020 because the next year the pandemic happened which,
having to close down. Thankfully I lived in Florida at the time Florida was a
little more I.
Mark Fleming: Open to
businesses being opened up and everything. I was shut down for almost three
months, which was devastating. Had to, take out loans and everything to keep it
afloat. Had to move back home with my parents. Then dealing with a disabled
population, it's, it was hit or miss.
Mark Fleming: Some
people were like, yes, we're back. But a lot of the population due to having
chronic issues autoimmune disorders, stuff like that was very weary of going
back into the public. Having to. Go virtual and do things a little differently
in the studio than I did before. Just to [00:04:00]
manage all that craziness.
Victoria Bennion:
That's good that you did manage and it's now in the past.

Mark Fleming: It was
crazy for a little bit, everything happens for a reason.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
absolutely. You've coached for the Special Olympics, which is for individuals
with intellectual disabilities. It's separate from Paralympics. What was that
experience like for you?
Mark Fleming: It was
interesting but rewarding. So with my background, there's not a lot of
volunteers that have my background, so I was able to expand on the area that I
was in so that the individuals had great success. I think every athlete that I
coached that went to state games, which I. You weren't guaranteed to go to
state games. It was a raffle. But every athlete I went got gold at state, so it
was very rewarding that way. And I was able to introduce some concepts and
things at the local level that they didn't think [00:05:00]
about. Because again, I. Having a sports background, I was able to understand
things a little differently than volunteers that didn't have that.
Mark Fleming: Very
rewarding that I got to help these athletes improve to a point where they were
succeeding and then rewarding that I could help the coaches as well. Being able
to understand things from a different aspect. And then the parents got to see a
autistic individual that understood these concepts and being able to kinda
motivate them and inspire them to know that their children more just didn't
have no routes in life.
Victoria Bennion:
That must have been really rewarding.

Mark Fleming: Yeah,
it was a really great two or three years.

Victoria Bennion:
You've mentioned some of the benefits to you that you've found for exercise. Is
that kind of the general benefits that you see in exercise? In autistic
children and teenagers and adults? I.
Mark Fleming: Yeah. [00:06:00] Didn't harp on these, but the main ones
are, helping with sensory regulation helping with cognitive functioning, so
being able to sit down and, being able to work in a classroom a whole lot
better. And one of the main benefits most people are concerned with is
behavior.
Mark Fleming: And it
does help with behavior. It helps improve situations and remove stress to the
point where stemming isn't 24 7 because there's some individuals that you just.
Leave them alone. They're just gonna stem 24 7. So seeing those benefits,
because obviously if you're not stemming, you're not stressed out, which means
you can do other things in life and be able to enjoy life better.
Mark Fleming: So
those are the big ones for the autistic population.

Victoria Bennion:
Just something I'm curious about. Do any of your clients come to you and they
get a lot of pain ? My son often complains of leg pain when he walks too [00:07:00] much, and sometimes I wonder if more
exercise would help. I think he's particularly sensitive to pain.
Mark Fleming:
Exercise is going to help because if you're walking your muscles are, getting
used. And then if you're not. Walking a lot normally then the brain's gonna
say, this is different. And it's gonna send these signals to tell you not to do
it because the brain, everybody's brain wants homeostasis, which is just a set
routine, set pattern so that it understands what's going on.
Mark Fleming: So when
you break that by either exercise or walking or doing anything. That the
brain's gonna go, Hey, let's stop this. So I haven't had anybody that said
that, but yet every autistic individual is different. So when it comes to that
I've had people that have been sensitive to like. Heat and stuff like that.
Mark Fleming: And [00:08:00] so we'll work outside, gradually increase
the intensity so that sensitivity goes down because you're working the nervous
system and getting it used to those areas.

Victoria Bennion: I
also wonder do any of your clients have difficulties with food?

Mark Fleming: Yeah,
there's I've had clients on both ends of the dietary spectrum, some that don't
eat, some that eat too much. And so obviously exercising your burning calories,
so the brain is going to want more naturally, right? It's going to say, Hey,
let's eat, eat more so that we can have that energy for this.
Mark Fleming: And
then working with clients that maybe eat too much and have to understand that
they're eating enough, their body, their brain's, just telling them, Hey, you
need to eat more because you're doing more than you're used to. It has,
benefits on both sides.
Victoria Bennion:
Okay. That's really interesting. Thank you.

Natalie Tealdi: [00:09:00] Can you talk us through some of the
improvements you've seen in your clients?

Mark Fleming:
Numerous. Numerous. So one of my clients, we were able to reduce not knee
symptoms. So when the client was walking, both knees were touching. He was a
preteen. The time I. Started working with him and thankfully before he got his
gross spurt, because he, had about a six seven inch gross spurt, we eliminated
that.
Mark Fleming: So he
didn't need surgery. I had a client that due to some weird. Just weird things.
Had some gastrointestinal, like he would swallow air which limited his capacity
to do a lot of things. Working with me, working on, proper breathing techniques
while we were exercising, he was able to reduce that drastically.
Mark Fleming:
Improving, heart function and all that and numerous clients. I had a client
during the pandemic lose 130 pounds, [00:10:00]
had, just all across the spectrum. I even noticed, even though I didn't I
didn't document it very well. I didn't notice some of the clients that were
nonverbal being able to verbalize a little bit more as they were exercising.
Victoria Bennion:
Wow, that's really good.

Natalie Tealdi:
Amazing. Yeah. When you're exercising, you're sending all these neurons to the
farthest parts of your body, right? So it's working extra hard to do that.
Thus, being able to verbalize a little, at least in my mind, there's no
research to back that up, but I noticed it.
Victoria Bennion:
Interesting. Is exercise helpful if you struggle with your fine motor skills as
well?

Mark Fleming: So
obviously individuals with fine motor skills go to OT to work on their fine
motor. And while you may see it as playing these silly little games and
whatnot, they're actually. Doing exercises. So from my aspect, [00:11:00] I wasn't able to, due to scope of
practice, being able to play little games and stuff like that, but I would use
different weights and stuff like that would work on that.
Mark Fleming: And
thus you would see little improvements here and there.

Natalie Tealdi: Do
you work with clients who have a DHD as well? I'm just interested from the
point of view. My son has a DHD and is autistic. And I often wonder how I can
support him. 'cause he can say he's really hyper and needs to do exercise, but
he also needs a bit of support recognizing when it's time to stop.
Natalie Tealdi: And
that can be really difficult for me as his mom to recognize when it's time to
stop before he gets overstimulated.

Mark Fleming: Yes
definitely worked with plenty of clients with A DHD. They actually did a
scientific study that, looked at ultra marathoners and found out the vast
majority of people that ran ultra marathons, 50 miles and more during a race
that they had a DHD, because it kinda soothes the mind.
Mark Fleming: So
there's a lot of research that [00:12:00] shows
that. Individuals with A DHD benefit greatly because their minds are racing.
They don't know where to focus on and exercise calms the brain down, allows it
to focus more. And there's a lot of research, also with autistic individuals
that shows that when you exercise before, say schoolwork or anything like that,
that it, it tremendously helps with focus and memory and all that stuff.
Mark Fleming: That's
one of the things I dealt with was telling a client, Hey, this is what we're
doing. This is how much we're doing, and being able to stop them and
recognizing that stuff. Low advice. Just, keep it in little short bursts, here
and there and being, Hey, okay, let's refocus.
Mark Fleming: Go to
something else because. Obviously having a DHD and being autistic, you can
almost stem on the exercise because it now, it feels good and now we're going
to [00:13:00] do too much. So being able to
say, Hey, we're gonna do this, and have that schedule there for them to
understand all that.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah,
that's really helpful. Thank you.

Victoria Bennion: If
you've got a client or a potential client. Perhaps who is not used to
exercising. Yeah I'm thinking of my son. What's a good way to ease into it?

Mark Fleming: Just do
little bits here and there. Something that I would do with my clients is
because you have to progressively overload, which means you have to increase
the weight, you have to increase the amount of reps and all this stuff to, gain
benefits is I would do it in such small increments that they wouldn't know.
Mark Fleming: That it
was being increased because again, we're dealing with individuals that like
consistency, like things the same. And so during a span of a couple [00:14:00] weeks, I would, at the end be like, Hey,
I. You probably don't notice this, but you were doing this, six weeks ago. And
they'd be like, no way.
Mark Fleming: Yeah,
you were, because, I would move the bar so slowly that, a lot of people think
you have to, sweat, you have to be sore, you gotta do all this stuff. But when
you're dealing with someone that has a low pain tolerance or someone that
doesn't like sweating or all this stuff, like you have to work around that.
Mark Fleming: And you
gotta do, either even just. Five extra...

Insights from Jamie Oliver's Dyslexia Revolution

Tue, 01 Jul 2025 01:00:00 +0100

This week we are discussing Jamie Oliver's Channel four documentary Jamie's Dyslexia Revolution. We found this programme hugely impactful and we felt compelled to discuss the critical issues it raises about dyslexia, the shortcomings of our education system and how it affects neurodivergent children.
Key Takeaways
Dyslexia as a Brain Difference: Understanding that dyslexia is a brain difference rather than a lack of intelligence can be transformative. It shifts the narrative from feeling inadequate to recognising unique cognitive strengths and learning styles.
Impact of Early Screening: Early screening in schools can significantly change the trajectory for neurodivergent children. Identifying dyslexia early allows for tailored support, helping children feel understood and empowered rather than left behind.
Need for Teacher Training: The lack of adequate training for teachers on neurodivergence can hinder a child's educational experience. Proper training equips educators with the tools to recognise and support diverse learning needs, fostering a more inclusive classroom environment.
Importance of Advocacy: Advocacy plays a crucial role in driving change within the education system. By voicing concerns and pushing for better resources and support, parents can help create a more equitable environment for all children.
Empowering Children: Empowering children and celebrating their strengths is vital for their self-esteem. When children feel valued for who they are, they are more likely to thrive and develop a positive self-image.
Jamie's Dyslexia Revolution
Watch and share the documentary here
Let’s get the word out. Share it with friends, family – anyone who needs to see what’s really going on.
Tell the Secretary of State, Bridget Phillipson
Post on Twitter/X (@bphillipsonMP) or Instagram (@bridgetphillipsonmp) using #ComeOnBridget. Tell her what’s happening, what needs to change – and why kids can’t wait.
Write to your MP
Let them know you’re part of Jamie’s Dyslexia Revolution. Ask them to stand up in Parliament and speak out for change. Jamie has templates and tips here, but Jamie says your own story is the most powerful thing you can share.
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
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Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
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Transcript
Episode 15 Insights from Jamie Oliver's Dyslexia Revolution
[00:00:00]
Hello and welcome to the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips, shared strength and expert advice.
Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving a meltdown, or just
trying to make it through the day, we are right here with you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.
Today we are discussing Jamie Oliver's Channel four documentary Jamie's Dyslexia Revolution. We found this program hugely impactful and we felt compelled to discuss the critical issues it raises about dyslexia, the shortcomings of our education system, and how it affects neurodivergent [00:01:00] children.
Victoria Bennion: This morning I finished watching Jamie Oliver's
dyslexia revolution, and this was after Natalie, you told me that I
really needed to watch it when it came out, and I knew that you'd
seen it. And I can see why you said that it was really important. So we just thought we would chat round for anyone who hasn't seen it or even if you have seen it, some of the issues that were covered is for anyone who's worried right now that their child is being left behind.
Natalie Tealdi: It got me all riled up.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it did. I think it highlights again, what
is wrong with the school system, what's failing our children?
So. What is dyslexia? Yes, dyslexia is a brain difference. It's not a lack of intelligence, but unfortunately a lot of people with dyslexia can end up feeling like they're stupid or they're dumb.
This was something that the program highlighted because they don't learn in the same way as others.
Natalie Tealdi: You could see how emotional Jamie Oliver was when
he was just talking about what his school days were like, and you
think how much time has [00:02:00] passed and how successful he is.
Yet that still leaves such a mark.
Victoria Bennion: It's shocking that children of such a young at
age can believe that they're stupid. They just have a brain
difference. They're talented. They've got so much to offer, but that
isn't being celebrated and they're not being made to feel that. It's
highlighting to them because of the way of the education system, the
way of the teaching, that they can't access that.
I guess there's something wrong with you that you're not worthy, and that was also highlighted in the children that he spoke to, which is just so sad and so wrong.
Natalie Tealdi: There was that boy they were talking to, and they
were asking him how he felt about the future and he just said
hopeless.

Victoria Bennion: Awful. A child of that age should not be feeling
that their future is hopeless. There needs to be steps to change it.
I worked with a client, who had written a book on dyslexia last year,
and I know that there are moves to raise awareness and there was some really interesting statistics, which again, Jamie Oliver touched on
in the program. 50% of the [00:03:00] prison population were dyslexic.
Natalie Tealdi: That's correct. Yeah. That is huge, isn't it?
You just think if there was screening in schools at a young age, what impact that could have, like how much of that 50% would go in a different direction
Victoria Bennion: absolutely, and I know From the work that I've been
involved in that a very high percentage of entrepreneurs are also
dyslexic, which shows that there's something there that can be tapped
into. The book that my client had written was all about the Dyslexic
Edge, I know that he was involved with Richard Branson, who was
raising awareness of this, I very much feel.

Like you following the documentary that Jamie Oliver did, that if you could get it right at the primary school age for these children, it would make a difference to so many lives to society is these children have so much to offer.
Natalie Tealdi: I know. That's the thing. We shouldn't be casting
people aside 'cause they're not fitting into a box.
And that goes for all neurodivergent. Conditions.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, and it's [00:04:00] a societal norm, I think our friend Carl would say, and it's just something that we've created, so we need to uncreate it. We need to do better for our children. Something that I found interesting as well about dyslexia is there's often a co-occurrence of another neurodevelopmental condition such as autism, A DHD and developmental language disorder.
Jamie Oliver is advocating for early screening and improved training for teachers on neurodiversity, because with dyslexia included, they believe that up to 25% of a class would be neurodivergent
Natalie Tealdi: and that's a massive chunk of a classroom,
Victoria Bennion: a massive chunk of a classroom who's not being
catered to, who has got needs that aren't being met and are being
failed.

Natalie Tealdi: And also it's not fair on the teachers, they
haven't been trained. So they have a classroom and 25% of them.
They dunno how to support.
Victoria Bennion: That's it. A hundred percent. It really shocked
me [00:05:00] when they talked about the amount of training that a teacher receives in Neurodivergence. So it was something ridiculous like four to five hours out of their whole three year training course.
Natalie Tealdi: If you think of how much we as parents have researched to be able to support our children, how many hours we've spent on courses and reading. We are living it, and they're teachers who are working in this environment and they don't have anywhere near enough knowledge.
Victoria Bennion: And there's a scene where Jamie Oliver is at the
house as a parliament and he's talking to mps and the woman comes up to him and she was a teacher and she acknowledged, having children in her class who. Would have not been having
their needs met. So it's great that he's raising awareness of that.
But that's a high number of children every year.

Natalie Tealdi: It is.
Victoria Bennion: I think we can talk a little bit about our own
experiences here. I know I've said before, I was very aware of one of
my children when he was in [00:06:00]
reception that a small group of them were pulled out for extra help
with handwriting, things like that. Extra help, extra support. It was the same four or five children. They're now 10 and 11, and as far as I know, every single one of them has a diagnosis. They have some kind of neurodevelopmental condition. So I think it gives more credence to the fact that there should be early screenings, because I think on some level it must be obvious that there's something that needs support. They are identifying, or they certainly identified in my child's class that these children needed extra support. So why not formalize it may make it something that every school does, just as a matter of course,

Natalie Tealdi: speak to the parents as well, why can't we have
that transparency? I don't understand.
Victoria Bennion: Yes. It can be like getting blood from a stone
one of my children always struggled with reading, always, and it was
a bit foreign to me because you [00:07:00]
and I, English has always been our favorite subjects. Love reading. I
used to demolish books, so they were coming out of my ears.

And then when I had my child,
she really struggled. And I remember going through those learning to
read books with her and we'd read. A word, we'd work out what the
word was. It would appear again, two or three sentences below, and
she'd say it differently again. And I couldn't understand what I
was doing wrong with her, why she wasn't getting it. Looking back
now, they implemented different support strategies for her from quite
a young age. Her writing was very messy.. She didn't leave a space
between words. So she had a spacer that she used.

They gave her one of those colored rulers to put over text to help her see it more easily. I remember querying at the time like, isn't this a dyslexia aid? Do you think she has dyslexia? And I was told no, she doesn't have dyslexia.
It's just to help [00:08:00] her. So I just continued and she consistently had trouble. When she was around nine or 10, I know she had quite a big spelling test at school and it was, over a hundred words and she got such a small percentage of them correct. And that was it for us really. We went, oh, there's something really off here. She's a bright girl, , she's intelligent, but this isn't translating.
She's very articulate. But this isn't translating onto paper. And I remember raising it with the school. I've got the email, still raised it at the school at the time, wondering if she has dyslexia. 'cause my husband also looked up what are the symptoms of dyslexia. And when we went down the list, we're like, okay, there's, she's doing loads of these things. And still the school said, no, it's not a problem. It was a hard spelling test. We actually took it upon ourselves and went privately for a
dyslexia assessment, and they said that yes, it came back confirmed
that she had dyslexia, and for her it was [00:09:00]
important for her self-esteem. It certainly helped her to know that
because there are the things that which were highlighted in the
program that you can feel stupid, you can feel dumb, you can wonder
why you are not able to keep up with your peers.
Natalie Tealdi: Especially when you have to read aloud with your
peers.
Victoria Bennion: Oh my goodness.
Natalie Tealdi: You can't do that. The anxiety that would cause.
Victoria Bennion: So she talked about reading aloud, and I know
they covered this in the program, and she said in their English
lessons, they used to get the option of reading a sentence, a
paragraph, or a page.

But it went round the room, so you had to be following the text to know where you were so that you were able to pick up your sentence, your paragraph, or your page. And she said it was so stressful because for her, she finds it very hard to see where she is in text. The lines jumble. , Although she would always go for a sentence, just that, and knowing your turns coming up so stressful.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. You hear stories of how people have become
clever at, misbehaving so they get sent out of the room. [00:10:00]
And that really did make me think back to, being a child at school
and the naughty boy, in the class. He was just naughty and it makes
me really question how well was he naughty or was he actually quite
clever at just getting out of the room?
Because he couldn't cope in the environment, whatever reason.
Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. When my child got
her, dyslexia diagnosis, I spoke to one of my friends and she's a
really amazing web designer, really good, very successful.
And she has dyslexia. And she spoke to me a little bit about it and just said, just make sure that she knows how amazing she is anyway. It's really important for confidence. And she said she found ways of coping at school, managing to get by. It can go either way, can't it?
You can get very good at disguising that you're struggling or finding ways to leave the classroom, but it's that impact on self-esteem. And another thing that I found was once we got the dyslexia diagnosis, now, this could have been because we went privately. I'm not sure, [00:11:00]
but they didn't implement the things that were suggested in the
report from the assessor and the assessor.

She was registered with the British Dyslexia Association. We did our best to make sure that it would be counted, but it was things like, don't ask her to read aloud in class. No, I don't know. Maybe they don't get the memo, but she certainly she still complained of being asked to read aloud in class.
Natalie Tealdi: If we were working more on empowering these young
people and building their confidence rather than them having to find
ways to cope or, hide that they're feeling anxious, why can't we just
empower them and make them feel proud of their intellectual ability,
just in a different way?

Victoria Bennion: Absolutely, because we've all got different
strengths and they really need to be celebrated from a young age, and
we need to be building our young people up, not knocking them down,
and certainly not, their children. That's horrendous [00:12:00]
for you, to be in a position where you think that. You don't have
much of a future.
There's so much that could be done. I really believe that we need to change our attitudes and the system needs to change so that everybody is celebrated. I can take myself back to school and I had a friend and she was the most practical. She was brilliant. She could ride horses. She knew how to, look after a horse.
She was very practical but in school she struggled. And I remember her saying things like, I'm stupid.
But do you know? She was amazing and I know that she qualified as a veterinary nurse. She's a really fulfilling life.
Why are these differences not celebrated?
Can you imagine the difference it would make to so many children's lives if number one, they were screened when they enter school, when they're little?
. Imagine if you brought that in when they start school, because we know that they can pick up these differences from a very young age.

Imagine if those children were identified and imagine if the teachers [00:13:00]were given the right training and the right support in the classroom so that they could then support these children who are instead, feeling empowered, not run down like they're stupid or dumb.

Natalie Tealdi: They could educate the others in the classroom to
be more inclusive to difference.
Victoria Bennion: Yes.
Natalie Tealdi: ' That's what we're growing up in. And that's what
they'll see when they enter the workplace. There isn't dumb, stupid,
and brainy, it's complex.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Hundred percent.
So we want schools to be places where every child can feel seen, supported, and inspired. .Something that the program highlighted was that frustration that's felt in the classroom can then lead to the negative behavior and sometimes expulsion from school and that is how dyslexic people end up in the prison system.
Natalie Tealdi: One thing that really rings in my head is all
behavior is communication. So it's looking behind that behavior and
trying to understand where it's coming [00:14:00]
from.
Victoria Bennion: I think that's a really good point. I also
thought it was a good point that Jamie Oliver raised about when he
was discussing with the Secretary of State for education , she said
that money is being put into this, and he questioned, will that money
reach the actual schools? And I think that's something that we all
need to ensure is happening, that it is going to the right places.
Natalie Tealdi: So what can we do about it?
We need to join the campaign, write to our mps.
Victoria Bennion: Yes. And that was something that they
highlighted, wasn't it? We need to let the mps know. That we want
change, that we want to see change. We need to write them and make
our voices heard.. jamie Oliver had a meeting with the Secretary of
State for education, Bridget Phillipson, he mentioned the importance
of writing to your mp. Letting your MP know that you
want to see change and that,...

Diagnosis, Discovery & Doing It Your Way with Claire Grayshan

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome, Claire Grayshan, business coach and mother to three neurodivergent children to the show. Claire opens up about her journey to receiving both an autism and ADHD diagnosis later in life, how it transformed her parenting and why recognising your strengths can be the key to building a life that truly works for you.
Biography
Claire is a late-diagnosed autistic ADHDer, mum of three neurodivergent kids, and a passionate advocate for better mainstream school support, as both a parent and school governor. She spent years masking, overachieving, and burning out, first navigating a system that doesn't fit her children, then growing a business using strategies that didn’t fit her brain.
After autistic burnout, she rebuilt her business on her own terms. Now, as founder of The Virtual Vibe Coaching, she helps online service providers and coaches realign their strategy and simplify sales, so they can grow sustainably, without burnout, or forcing what doesn’t fit.
Key Takeaways
How late diagnosis can shape how you see yourself. It can bring clarity, self-compassion, and validation after years of internal doubt and masking.
How recognising shared neurodivergent traits can strengthen your parenting. It can fostering deeper connection and more empathetic support for your children.
How the school system falls short - what small, practical changes could make classrooms more inclusive and less overwhelming for neurodivergent learners.
How receiving a diagnosis can boost your confidence as an advocate - helping you trust your instincts and push past self-doubt when navigating EHCPs and school challenges.
How building a business around your energy and strengths is important - especially when traditional models drain you and don’t reflect your reality as a neurodivergent parent.
Quote
"We are the best people to parent our children because we’re perfect for them." — Claire Grayshan
Connect with Claire Grayshan
Sales Strategy Selector Quiz
Uncover how you sell best and which strategy suits you — based on your natural style and personality — so you can align your strategy, play to your strengths, and see your content convert. https://www.thevirtualvibe.co.uk/salesstrategyselector
Website - www.thevirtualvibe.co.uk
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thevirtualvibeuk/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/claire-grayshan-48a707143/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@thevirtualvibeuk

Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums

Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
Today we're joined by Claire Gration, a brilliant business coach, a mom to
three neurodivergent children. Claire shares her powerful story of being
diagnosed with autism and A DHD in her late thirties, and she talks about how
that moment changed, not just how she sees herself, but also how she parents
advocates and runs her business.
Victoria Bennion:
Welcome to the podcast, Claire. It's great to have the [00:01:00]
chance to chat with you today.

Claire Grayshan:
Thank you Thank you for having me on..

Victoria Bennion:
Could you begin by talking about what it was like getting your autism and a DHD
diagnosis later in life, while also parenting neuro divergent children.

Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Oh, where do I even begin? That is such a huge question, isn't it? I
think, so for me, what led to my diagnosis was through, through my children,
their needs and identifying those and then actually realizing we're really
alike. We're alike in so many ways, which is brilliant, and it enhances our
bond.
Claire Grayshan: But
then it also makes you think, actually if they're autistic, then I've gotta be
autistic. And I wasn't actually gonna explore it further. I was quite happy
with my own. Self validation of that. But my, it was one of my children that
said if I've had an, I, I appreciate the honesty and the bluntness 'cause I'm
the same, and she said, if I've had an assessment, why aren't you having an
assessment? And I said that's a good point. Do you feel that it would be useful
if mommy, we had an assessment? And she said [00:02:00]
yes. So that's what sort of initiated that. In terms of the diagnosis itself, I
actually went through the right to choose and it turned out that I had
literally a week between my autism diagnosis and my A DHD diagnosis.
Claire Grayshan: So
it was a bit it was a bit of a chaotic time. I didn't expect my A DHD diagnosis
to come at the same time. I didn't actually think I was, I had a DHD, so there
was that shock as well. But since then, so that was last July and since then,
for me. It's been a process of actually understanding myself better.
Claire Grayshan: I've
actually been kinder to myself realizing why I am like I am, and that it's not
necessarily for example, all through my life, so I'm 39 now, I'm 14 next month.
All through my life I have felt that every, and I've been told, several times
that I don't care about what anybody thinks.
Claire Grayshan: I
just say what I think and I'm brutally honest and. Blunt is a word that people
describe, grab me as. And it was always an insult. It was never a compliment. [00:03:00] It was never I love your honesty, or, I'm
so glad I know where I am with you when you talk. It was gosh, you don't care.
Do you, you don't care.
Claire Grayshan: And
I'm like, I don't understand. I'm just saying the answer to the question. You
are asking me the question. So things like that sort of started to slot into
place after the diagnosis because actually. Maybe I'm not blunt, maybe I'm
literally just, it's how my brain is, it's how I'm wired.
Claire Grayshan: It's
me answering the question. It's me being, honesty is really important to me and
not being fake and not like I can't do that. Those kinds of things all make up
who I am, which are all part of being autistic as well. So I suppose it was
realizing those things and why I was like I was, but also that.
Claire Grayshan: I'm
not just autistic, I'm player. Do you know what I mean? And not every artistic
person is the same. So yeah, it's been a rollercoaster, but I would say on the
whole now from the ups and downs of, oh my gosh, why did nobody recognize this
sooner? And, oh, does this mean I'm rubbish at this or that?
Claire Grayshan: And,
all those kinds of things, like [00:04:00]
negative thoughts to actually, this is when people tell me that I'm an
overthinker. This is what makes me super sensitive to my client's needs. I'm a
business coach, so that's a really positive thing for my for being a business
coach. I get onto a call with a client and I can tell I've got like strong
intuition and I can feel micro changes in how they're being, and I don't know
that everybody has that, and it's something that I'm good at, and I think it's
because I'm autistic and it's my attention to detail, and I might not have that
if I wasn't.
Claire Grayshan: So I
guess I can see it a lot more in a lot more positive light, which then as a
parent. I'm able to then put that positive spin so their experience is not
obviously discounting the hard things that we go through, but yeah, definitely
up and down.
Victoria Bennion:
It's got a lot of benefits, hasn't it? Has it changed the way that you advocate
for your children at school?

Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. Yeah. It does it makes it, I. For me, I think as a, as somebody who
really, I'll [00:05:00] always be an
overthinker, right? It's just part of who I am, and I'm okay with that now. But
for a long time I gave myself grief about that. Oh, why do I have to make such
a big deal out of things?
Claire Grayshan: Why
can't I just deal with things and park it like everybody else? That kind of
stuff. Gaslighting myself, in my own head and I. Because I'm being to my
obviously to you wouldn't talk to anybody else the way that you talk to
yourself in your head. So because of the way that I am with my children and
when they come up with these, oh, everybody else is fine with this, but I'm not
fine with that.
Claire Grayshan: Why?
And I'm like, yeah, but what's the strength to do with that? Like absolutely,
this is difficult and this is what we're experiencing right now, but what's the
strength to do with that? So that then forces me to look at it in a more of a
positive light. So when it comes to advocating for their needs at school, that
whole.
Claire Grayshan: Oh,
horrendous thing that

Natalie Tealdi: Oh,
we know.

Claire Grayshan:
through. Yeah, I'm sure you do. And yeah. Wow. So obviously I'm in the thick of
that right now, so we're applying for an EHCP needs assessment at the
beginning. Some of my children are going through assessments. Some have [00:06:00] already been through and diagnosed.
Claire Grayshan:
We're different stages. I've got three children, and it comes to school and
you're like, oh yeah it's difficult to see with the, with this one of my
children. I'm like, eh, it's not difficult for me to see at all, but I
appreciate you saying that inside. I'm thinking, wow, yeah, not a clue. I need
to help them understand.
Claire Grayshan:
Whereas before I was like, maybe they're right, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not
right on this. So I think one thing of having my own diagnosis that the
positive that's come out of it is. I'm more confident in that I am the best
person to parent my child along with my husband. Like we are the best people.
Claire Grayshan: We
are here because we are perfect for them. Instead of second guessing all the
time, am I doing the right thing? Is this the right? And yet we are winging it.
I've got, I'm not an expert in Send Law or advocacy or any of that stuff, i'm
an expert in my kids and I think that my diagnosis has helped me realize that.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, and I think most of us are winging it with the system.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh
yeah.[00:07:00]

Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. There's not another way to navigate it. Is there really?

Victoria Bennion: No.
You'd you're going into uncharted territory for sure.

Claire Grayshan:
Yeah.

Natalie Tealdi: I'm
interested to know what was the school system like for you when you were at
school?

Claire Grayshan:
Yeah. So to describe myself as a child, looking back, actually for the class
that I was in, so I was in a class of something like 35 kids, and there was a
group of normally boys that were spent the most of the day in the corridor.
They were in the corridor because they were sent out they were disrupting the
class.
Claire Grayshan: They
were physically. Throwing stuff or irritating people or whatever. So they were
visibly unhappy with their situation in class and that's where they spent their
time. I was sat in the class listening to every single pin drop to make sure
that I heard exactly what was going on because I was, I felt that I was always
on the back foot.
Claire Grayshan: But
academically I was okay. I was bright but I always felt like I was [00:08:00] missing something, so I had to listen to
every little thing. And that, that went for everything, that went for
friendships, that went for lessons, that went for teacher instructions how
somebody spoke to me, everything. So on the outset, people would and I was
autistic and had a DHD then, but on the outset people would've looked at me and
thought, model student. I went to university. I got a first class honors degree
in science in forensic science. I was a scientist. So successful on paper. But
then when you look back through actually, what was the experience? It was high
anxiety and not being able to sleep in primary school because I was worrying
about horrible things happening.
Claire Grayshan: Or
immersing myself in en Bliden books until the early hours of the morning
because I couldn't turn my brain off or the rest of the family going to sleep.
And me sat there with a lamp reading to try and distract my brain from what was
going on in it. So the signs were there, but obviously none of us knew, and
none of us understood.
Claire Grayshan: And
it was, Claire's a good reader. She lost [00:09:00]
reading and I did for that reason. But it's not until and I don't honestly feel
that anyone's to blame on this. We know what we know at the time and life's far
too short to be I'm not saying it's wrong to grieve over a life that you might
have had if you'd have had a diagnosis.
Claire Grayshan: It's
absolutely not wrong. It's whatever you feel is valid as an individual. But for
me personally, I feel like. Yes, things could have been different. If I'd
known, I would've gaslighted myself less. I would've definitely given myself a
hard time, a lot less. And I did that a lot, especially throughout 18-year-old,
1920, those you are like, you're not at school anymore.
Claire Grayshan:
You're trying to find your own way, still wanna fit in. And I didn't really,
and I remember one, one boy who I was friends with saying to me, and I still
know him today, is actually my brother-in-law now. He said I could never be
with you, Claire, because you are so high maintenance. And he didn't mean
physically.
Claire Grayshan: He
didn't mean my nails, my hair, my, he didn't mean that I knew exactly [00:10:00] what he meant. He meant emotionally. He
meant my, like I was up and down and impulsive and said what I thought and all
of those things that are still me today. I get it because that's probably how
other people may have viewed me at the time, if I'd have known that.
Claire Grayshan: It
was more how my brain worked, and I might have leaned into the positives of
that a little bit more, but at the time I was just like, oh, I need to just
hide this emotion. I need to hide that. So the school experience was scary. I
think I, I was, I spent a lot of time being anxious, but on the outset, nobody
would've known.
Claire Grayshan: I
had, I wanna say friends like that. It's not that I didn't have friends, I had
people who I hung around with, but I didn't feel like I had really deep
friendships. And I know the difference now because in my thirties I've made
deep friendships and I have a deep friendship with my husband, and we've been
together since we were 21.
Claire Grayshan: So
that's an example of a deep friendship as well as obviously our relationships.
So I know the difference. It's just looking back then, I had people [00:11:00] who, we were friends and we had some
things in common, but I wouldn't say there were deep friendships and I didn't
experience that till later.
Victoria Bennion:
That's interesting. So now looking at mainstream schools, with your own
experience in them, with your children's, what changes do you think we need to
see?
Claire Grayshan: How
long have you got Victoria?

Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, as long as you like.

Claire Grayshan: A
few things just off the top of my head. I could sit and write pages on this
'cause I just think there's so many little things that they could do at school
that have made massive differences and sometimes things happen and you think,
are you joking? Like, why are we still doing that?
Claire Grayshan: For
example, a little stupid thing that means so much to my children. And when I
say stupid, I mean 'cause it doesn't mean to happen is seat changes after half
terms. Why are we bothering with that? Just sit where you wanna sit.
Claire Grayshan: Not
disrupting anybody, you're not irritating anybody.

Claire Grayshan:
Everything else is working okay. Why do we need to switch it up? It causes so
much anxiety. I just think there's something silly like that. Why are we doing
it when it causes from in my [00:12:00] house?
It might cause a whole week of not going to bed, comfortably anxiety, buildup
of anticipation, all of those kinds of things.
Claire Grayshan: And
there are so many little things like that. I say little, they're not little in
my house, but do you know what I mean? Li when I say little, how easy would it
be to just not do that? It doesn't affect anything. And then the style of
learning itself, there's no there's not much visual learning, I don't think,
we're especially like, my one of my children is in year five...

Understanding and Overcoming Sleep Issues

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 01:00:00 +0100

Today we're exploring a topic that many parents of autistic children can relate to: Sleep struggles. We'll explore the challenges surrounding sleepless nights. We are sharing our personal experiences and discussing strategies that have helped us navigate this exhausting journey.
Key Takeaways
Common Sleep Struggles: Many parents of autistic children face significant sleep challenges, often exacerbated by anxiety and sensory sensitivities.
Impact of Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep can worsen not only behavioral issues but also sensory struggles and overall well-being for both the child and the parents.
Trial and Error: Finding effective sleep solutions often involves trying various strategies, such as bedtime routines, environmental adjustments, and calming techniques.
Role of Melatonin: Melatonin can be beneficial for autistic children who struggle with sleep, but its usage requires careful monitoring and sometimes experimentation with different forms.
Communication and Support: Open communication with children about their sleep needs and preferences is crucial in finding solutions that work for them.
Self-Care for Parents: Managing sleep challenges can be exhausting, highlighting the importance of self-care strategies for parents, including seeking support and prioritizing rest when possible.
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Transcript
[00:00:00]
Hello and welcome to the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm
Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the
joy, the challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive
space for honest conversations, practical tips, shared strength and
expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving a
meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right
here with you.
Join us as we share the ups,
the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.
Natalie Tealdi: Today we are exploring a topic that many parents
of autistic children can relate to. Sleep struggles. We'll explore
the challenges surrounding sleepless nights. We are sharing our
personal experiences and discussing strategies that have helped us
navigate this exhausting journey.
Victoria
Bennion: For us, the sleep challenges started in line with
when my son's [00:01:00] anxiety hit a
real peak, and , it was all coming together at the same time. All the
struggles were getting so much worse and lack of sleep was one of
them. . He would just be up till the early hours of the morning.
It would get to 2:00 AM he'd
just be completely unable to go to sleep. And it was at a time when
he was so anxious as well. The lack of sleep was making everything
else so much worse.

It was making the sensory
struggle so much worse. It was making the anxiety the next day so
much worse 'cause he hadn't even rested and he's running on empty.

Natalie Tealdi: What sort of age was he then?

Victoria Bennion: He was eight. It was just something that
gradually, got worse., It was really, really exhausting. And we
weren't yet at the pediatricians, and I didn't know anything about
the link even because this was before we had a diagnosis, I just
didn't know why he couldn't sleep and we were trying everything.

We tried, going to bed
earlier. Maybe he's overtired, and we're getting to the point he's in
bed and we're past it. We tried baths, we tried [00:02:00]
turning the screens off earlier.

We tried, , listening to
music. We tried this lovely projector

We tried blackout blinds
again, which we still have from when he was little. , We moved the
room around. . He, didn't like to be under the window for a while, so
move the bed. Mum found a, a spray, it was supposed to aid sleep and
you sprayed it on the pillow. We tried that. , Oh, weighted blanket
We certainly went down that route of trying all the things that we
could think of.

But actually for us, at that
point, nothing was helping. It was leading up to the pediatrician
appointment, , and I was talking fairly regularly to the secretary,
just sort of checking in on the list and things and talking about the
struggles.

And she said to me, do you
give him melatonin? She said, you need to talk to the doctor when you
get your appointment. Which I did, and she explained to me that a lot
of autistic people don't make enough [00:03:00]
melatonin and that's why they can't sleep.

And she suggested trying a
melatonin gummy but then it explained that she couldn't prescribe it
and gave me a website where I needed to go and order it from America.
So that's what I did.

While I was waiting for us to
arrive, ' I mentioned it to a friend and she told me that she used
melatonin for her autistic child. At that point, we were getting very
little sleep so , she gave me a some of hers. She didn't have the
gummy, she had liquid and , with his very restricted diet. I didn't
even know how I was gonna get it into him, but I remember putting it
into one of his, yogurts and stirring it round and he just, he went
to sleep really, really quickly. It was within, 20 minutes. And he
was just. Flat out fast asleep. And you think that you'd be relieved
but I was in proper panic,

Natalie Tealdi: Oh no.

Victoria Bennion: Because we had been for weeks and weeks of no
sleep, that this was completely [00:04:00]
foreign , this seemed really unusual

so that was, probably my
introduction to sleep struggles.

Natalie Tealdi: . Our started a lot earlier, so our son. Gave up
naps really early, like 18 months old. I think 18 months to two years
was a real time where we noticed things changed. But being our first
child, it was quite tricky to really recognize the differences, I
suppose. It's only now that I have my daughter and she sleeps really
well, but I realize, , what an issue that was for our son.

But, , bedtimes would take
hours and hours, hours and hours. And he even now is too scared at
night. And we tried everything you can think of like changing the
bedding. He doesn't like wearing pajamas 'cause I don't think he
likes the feel of the material of the pajamas against the duvet
covers.

We tried changing his room.
Different room in the house.

Victoria Bennion: [00:05:00] Something
that we didn't mention was once you get to sleep, staying asleep,
didn't necessarily happen either and.

Natalie Tealdi: No,

If our son wakes up at, in the
night needing the toilet, he thinks I'm gonna get up. No. , And he'll
just get dressed at four o'clock in the morning because he's awake
and then trying to convince him to go back to sleep.

It can be really hard.

Victoria
Bennion: Four o'clock's an amazing time to get up and
start your day. You could get so much done.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so I think anxiety around sleep is quite a
big thing. But like you, melatonin is our friend.

And it does feel strange
given, I think maybe 'cause it's not prescribed, it feels odd and
you're buying it from the internet, but it's recommended by the
doctor,

Victoria Bennion: Did you tell anyone about using melatonin? I just
wonder what reaction you got was everyone positive around you?

Natalie Tealdi: do you know, I don't remember any conversations
that have been

but it's not really something
I talk about a lot, to

Victoria Bennion: I mentioned it to somebody I was already anxious
about it. And she [00:06:00] said, she
had heard that it can stunt growth and I. There. Were , , other side
effects and it's worrying, isn't it?

Because you are already not
sure if you're doing the right thing. But if he doesn't have it,
literally can't sleep and he can't function, he can't at all access
school or life in any way. 'cause Absolutely exhausted.

Natalie Tealdi: And what does that do to your health? If you don't
sleep

enough, you know that's bad
for your body too.

Victoria Bennion: It's really bad for your body, but it's all these
things you're trying to balance, isn't it?

You're picking the right thing
or the wrong thing and . I think it's tricky. It's tricky. But, , my
sons now have melatonin for a couple of years and, , , it's a
lifesaver for him. He knows what he's taking. He wants to take it and
if he doesn't take it, he still can't sleep.

It's that straightforward.
Really?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. We do find we need to take a break from it
now and again. 'cause sometimes I think, I dunno if your body builds
up a resistance to it,

but we do find that it doesn't
work.

Victoria Bennion: I think I'd heard that. And we do take the breaks
as well. , Usually in the school holidays and not [00:07:00]
for the whole school holidays, but we'll try and take a week. But
it's challenging for him.

Natalie Tealdi: . Our son gets really upset if he can't sleep, and
I think he also expects it to happen immediately. You know, as soon
as we finish stories, turn out the light and he thinks he should be
asleep. So it's, educating them around. It takes some time and take
some deep breaths,

try and relax, but we still
stay with him while he falls asleep.

Cause he doesn't like to be
alone.

Victoria Bennion: we have exactly the same. , We've had the odd
spell where he's been really keen to try, particularly if he thinks
he can step a little bit later 'cause I'm gonna do it myself. And
once or twice it's worked. But on the whole, it causes a lot of
anxiety.

We're not there yet.

Natalie Tealdi: We're not either, which is interesting 'cause my
3-year-old is quite happy to pretty much go to sleep on our own. So

Victoria Bennion: that's very difficult.

I did have trouble with both
of mine. My other child, . She never slept. I remember talking to the
health visitor and saying, you know when they said that you're
[00:08:00] gonna be sleep deprived when
you have a baby?

And I didn't know that it
meant no sleep. It wasn't until I have my son who's the one with the,
the sleep is now, but I was like, oh, some babies still actually
sleep. 'cause he did, but she didn't

she didn't sleep through the
night till it was gone 18 months for sure. And then she needs
somebody to sit with her till she was about eight.

So it varies, but sleep
difficulties, , they're challenging.

Natalie Tealdi: They're a killer.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, they are killer. Yeah. I think for you, you
certainly have these really, really early starts, don't you? So you
have to sleep in, do you stay till he goes to sleep and then.

Natalie Tealdi: And then one of us, when it's our bedtime, one of
us sleeps in with him the whole night because he will wake up and
then he won't be able to go back to sleep, and it ends up in
meltdowns and then nobody sleeps.

Victoria Bennion: Especially if he's thinking four o'clock is time
to get ready for school you just have to do what works to help your
family tick along and bearing in mind what you've got coming up the
next day. It's all a big juggle and a balance, [00:09:00]
isn't it?

Natalie Tealdi: Definitely. And , you have to really come from
that point of understanding and try not to get across. 'cause ,
obviously you're tired and you've got loads of things on your mind
about what's gonna happen the next day. But deep breaths and support
them. 'cause that's number one

thing, isn't it?

Victoria Bennion: That's it. And , it's hard for parents and carers
when we are getting tired. If everyone is sleep deprived, no one's at
their best. So I do think that that is a real, real challenge.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: When I have my daughter and, she was a baby in,
in sleep.

As I said, was very few and
far between. , It did make me really reflect on the fact that it is
like a form of torture, sleep deprivation, and how impaired you are
the next day when you've not slept. I read a study about it, , it was
comparing it to somebody who drank a lot of alcohol.

You were impaired. To such a
degree. Coordination's all off, you can bump into things. Your
thought processes aren't very good. It's very, [00:10:00]
very hard for families who are trying to operate when they're caring
for a child, who can't sleep.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: So what tips would you share from your journey on
managing a child that doesn't sleep well.

Natalie Tealdi: Don't let your melatonin run out. I nearly did
that recently.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. There was a supplies shortage, wasn't
there? I know. , We were low.

Natalie
Tealdi: I was okay with the supplies shortage. I was on
that, but, I just forgot and didn't realize we'd run out. But luckily
we have friends who have it, so I could, filled a gap. I think it's
just supporting them as much as you can.

What do they need? Like with
our son not being able to wear pajamas, once he was able to
communicate that, that was really helpful. So we don't bother that. ,

Victoria
Bennion: My son likes thick, fluffy pajamas and would
really like to wear them all through the summer as well.

Natalie
Tealdi: Yeah, I'm like that.

We tried different bed covers
that you can get, those stretchy sheets that go over, which provide a
bit of pressure. We tried that.

He liked it, but then when it
went to actually sleeping in them, he didn't [00:11:00]
want to continue. So I think it's just different things work for
different people, don't they?

Victoria
Bennion: Try the different things down the list. We've got
a waiter blanket, but it didn't do a lot for helping my son sleep.
But then I've heard of people who worked really, really well for

Natalie
Tealdi: You get these bed tents as well, some people
really like those, don't they?

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah. That was one of the things we tried and my
son had spells where he's found that reassuring to have the bed tent
feel safer.

Natalie
Tealdi: I find warmth helps. But more so in the winter,
like a hot water bottle or one of those microwaveable, teddies are
quite helpful for getting him

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah. The right temperature's important,

my
son will, need to spend
a lot of time rearranging his bed too. Everything has to be, in the
right position. He needs time allowed to rearrange all things that
are on the bed. So they're all in the right places.

Natalie
Tealdi: we have that with where the covers are.

Very specifically has to be a
[00:12:00] certain way. If there's too
much cover over one side, that that's really frustrating for him. So
yeah, it's just sort of supporting and allowing that extra time,
isn't it, for

Victoria
Bennion: Yeah, allowing the extra time knowing that you
might just have to try lots of different things. , And speaking to
the pediatrician, speaking to them about melatonin and how much you
should be giving, I. Then that's not always straightforward because
it depends how your child is about, the way that they like to take
it.

We found it came in different
forms. As I mentioned, my friend who lent me some, it was a liquid.
But we actually use the gummies now. What do you use?

Natalie
Tealdi: We use the liquid, but there are dissolvable
tablets that just dissolve in the tongue.

Victoria
Bennion: Even if you decide to go down the melatonin path,
then you might need to experiment with the different ways it comes
and what your child can tolerate and not all children like it. My son
does something.

, I think it's worth covering,
is when you give the melatonin, because when we first started taking
it, he would take [00:13:00] it, but he
wasn't in bed, he wasn't at that point, so he wasn't relaxing. And
I've heard from children who take it, you can push through it,

Natalie
Tealdi: yeah, we definitely have that. We usually give it
about half an hour, 40 minutes before we want him to be asleep. But
sometimes, things happen and it gets delayed and if you go past that
point, then he can't sleep

Victoria
Bennion: It won't work. We try to do it. When I know that
he's about to get into his whole bedtime routine, usually before he
cleans his teeth. I mean, before we start the, the process of working
up to clean our teeth, at that point where we're trying...

It Shouldn’t Be This Hard: Advocating Through the System

Tue, 10 Jun 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about something that so many families raising autistic children will recognise - the exhausting and often disheartening process of dealing with the local authority.
This episode is an honest look at how hard it can be to get what your child needs and how important it is to stay organised, persistent and strong.
Key Takeaways
Keeping on top of it all: Parents and carers are often left chasing reports, updates, and decisions just to keep things moving.
You Can’t Assume Progress is Happening (unfortunately): If you're not following up, you're at risk of falling off the radar.
Options for Your Child: Parents are frequently kept in the dark about available options regarding alternative provision and specialist schools
Travel Expectations Can Be Unrealistic: Specialist schools may be far from home, making logistics overwhelming.
Change is Needed: Better communication, transparency and supportive systems would ease the burden on both families and staff.
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Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.
Victoria Bennion: In
today's episode, we're gonna talk about the challenges that so many families
face when navigating support through the local authority for their children. We
are gonna talk about the EHCP delays to the mystery surrounding alternative
provision and specialist schools.
If you've ever felt like you're fighting an uphill battle just
to get your child what they need, you're not alone. We are sharing our own [00:01:00] experiences, frustrations, and the lessons
we've learned.
There's much to say. Okay, you go.

Natalie Tealdi: I was
having a think about when we have had to deal with the local authority and it,
and it started off with the EHCP process. And then. There was also alternative
provision as part of that when the school placement was breaking down.
Victoria Bennion: You
can come across dealing with a local authority before you get to the HCP stage.
If your child isn't attending school, , you can be put in touch with inclusion
officer and ask to attend regular meetings. That's what happened with us
Natalie Tealdi: In my
experience it has involved lots of chasing up. So with various reports you need
to gather for the HCP and making sure it's all on track. And just to paint the
picture, when you have a child that's struggling at home, they're struggling
generally with school home they don't yet have.
A diagnosis. So you're trying to learn everything you possibly
can about a [00:02:00] SD and you're dealing
with daily meltdowns. They're being sent home from school. So you've got all of
that going on. And then on top of that, you need to deal with the local
authority and they're really frustrating processes.
Victoria Bennion:
Yes.

Natalie Tealdi: We
were looking at alternative provision. For our child and. I found that really
frustrating because I asked for a list because I wanted to have a look at what
the options might be myself, and there's quite a lot of secrecy involved and
I'm not really sure why. So I wasn't able to view a list even though one
obviously exists.
So I had to do my own research and I contacted these places
myself because we were going into a half term. That is usually a really quiet
time. A lot of people take holiday during half term, so it's hard to get hold
of anyone at the local authority at that point, so you're trying to progress
things, but I was just trying to do what I could, so I made my own inquiries,
found out that there [00:03:00] were a possible
few placements for my son.
Then we go back to school. We go to a meeting and I'm told the
council have done their own inquiries and there are no placements available,
which is not what I found. But at that point, because I've done my own
research, I was able to say, well, I've spoken to this place, this place, and
this place, and they all say they have a place.
Um, so you know, that's frustrating. So they then go back and,
eventually we found somewhere, but. It's that added.

Victoria Bennion: You have to be on top of it.

Natalie Tealdi: Yes.
Yes. And I just think there should be a better way. And I, I know so many
stories from other parents it's standard, isn't it? And there seems to be a lot
of staff turnover, staff sickness, as well as the usual annual leave. I'm not,
I'm not saying they shouldn't go on their annual leave.
Victoria Bennion:
It's shocking though, because I don't think you would see this in other [00:04:00] industries. For example, private sector. I
had a query with my child, and I needed to speak to somebody fairly urgently
the day that they broke up for the Easter holidays and. When I finally got
through to speak to someone, I was told that there was no point in me ringing
again to speak to someone during the East holidays. The person I needed to
speak to was on long-term sick and nobody else was there.
So apparently they take two and a half weeks off. And there's
no cover. I couldn't run my business like that. , I just had to wait, that's
just one of those other frustrations. Do you think that you could maybe tick
something off your list and you can't,
it's an added layer, as you said, when you're dealing with all
this. Another thing that I've come across is that you think something is
approved or something is done, they've said that's fine. And then nothing
happens. Just an example we'd been promised tutoring support., It took quite a,
a lot of correspondence to get to the point my tutoring had to go to panel. I
was told it was approved. And I was told that the [00:05:00]
tutors would be in touch two months later. nothing still being chased,
Natalie Tealdi: Oh my
goodness.

Victoria Bennion:
It's just another added layer that if parents aren't managing it. Along with
managing everything else, it's something that's, you know, realistically isn't
going to happen.
Natalie Tealdi: It's
another thing that you have to keep on top of, isn't it? , I was making weekly
phone calls with our contact at the local authority just to check in, and I'm
sure she really did not like having those phone calls with me. But it was just
that I felt that if I didn't, we'd drop off the radar and then nothing would
happen
you just have to keep on to get what your child needs. 'cause
at that point, your child is often struggling so much that you just need
something sorted out for them.

Victoria Bennion:
absolutely. And then weeks and months in their life, that's a very long time
and they're going without the support that they need, but there seems to be no
hurry. I.
Natalie Tealdi: And I
don't really understand what goes on there, but I'm sure improvements could be
made to [00:06:00] processes if they could work
with parents, collaborate with us, treat us like, you know, intelligent human
beings. I. I'm sure they could set up systems where they can track eh, HCPs and
we can log in and see a process.
You know, see, okay, that part's been ticked or they're still
waiting for that. Maybe I could chase that person to help it move along, rather
than just being blind.

Victoria Bennion: I
also think there needs to be more transparency

Natalie Tealdi: And
also with, specialist schools as well. Why is there not a list available so
that we can have a look to see what possible schools might be good for our
children,
you know, why is that a secret?

Victoria Bennion: I
know you're completely blind, aren't you?

Natalie Tealdi: I do
wonder if it's because of financial reasons, because they cost different things
and they don't want parents just plucking the most expensive school, is it to
do with that? I don't know, but I really do think it should be more accessible.
Victoria Bennion: If
your child isn't coping in mainstream, you are completely at sea. [00:07:00] With what happens next? What does that
look like if you have a child that's needs something different? Because when
you're in the mainstream school system, you know that you've got these choices.
We're in the middle school system, but you know, you might have
a choice of primary or secondary schools, or first schools, middle schools,
upper school, upper schools, depending on where you live, however it works. But
once your child is out of that system. How do you even navigate it?
How do you decide what's right? Because if you were choosing a
first school or primary school for your child, you would be thinking, well,
that school might work. That's near that. That's good at this. I'm gonna look
round. Certainly with choosing middle schools, I can go about that far and
there were three choices for us and you weighed them up, which one's gonna be
the right fit?
And then obviously you apply, you're not necessarily gonna get
it, but , you go to an, open day perhaps, and you might have that choice, but
once you're talking, not that and specialist, it's just. It's not transparent
you then had the issue, didn't you, [00:08:00]
with what they thought was right and you didn't think was right.
Natalie Tealdi: There
was a school suggested for us, which was gonna be at least a 50 minute drive
each way every day. And at the time, you know, our son was six, how am I
supposed to work and do that journey and look after our other child, but also
put him in a taxi at six years old. To school and, you know, that's, that's a
long day anyway for a 6-year-old.
And then to add on that travel, and also I know it would be
stressful for him.

Victoria Bennion:
That's quite a lot to ask.

Natalie Tealdi:
Definitely.

Victoria Bennion: So
then that involves more advocacy, more of your time I remember you had to prove
the case of why a nearer school was going to work out better and if they said
that he had to go to this school that was so far away why you felt that it
might fail, but again,
it's like you're doing one of your assignments and you've gotta
put the arguments.

Natalie Tealdi: . I
remember getting in touch with a lot of people who were involved with our son
at the time. To get quotes to help [00:09:00]
support the case for this school that was nearer to us. And we did get the
right school in the end, but we only found out the day before the last day of
term, at the end of that school year.
So there wasn't really much time to prepare him for that.

Victoria Bennion:
Decisions when they happen, happen so quickly for our children that sometimes
they go from one setting to the next setting without much warning at all.

Natalie Tealdi: And
this is with children who find change difficult as well. So you know, careful
management would be really helpful.

Victoria Bennion: You
feel like your child isn't the priority and isn't being given a lot of thought
here, especially children who need extra time to get used to change. Their,
needs need taking into consideration , and it just doesn't always happen. It's
like, you've got this. You should be grateful that you've got this specialist
place, which we are. Of course we are. I know there's a lot of pressures. They
must be overworked, but it doesn't make it easy for parents and [00:10:00] carers who are advocating for their
children, just trying to get them what they need and trying to make sure that
they're not further damaged by what's going on.
Natalie Tealdi:
Definitely. That's the key. And I do think so much could be improved for the
local authority staff too. I'm sure they are stressed, overworked. They're
dealing with these parents who are often stressed, emotional, and if we could
meet in the middle somewhere just to ease everything for everyone, that would
be helpful.
Victoria Bennion:
It's not a surprise really. When you phone them and you hear that, so-and-so's
off sick. Well, it must be a nightmare job, you are dealing with. , Parents,
carers, who are under a great deal of pressure trying to. Look after their
children, hold down jobs and advocate for their children.
People, we know saying that they're emailing every single day
because if you don't, you know very well what's gonna happen. You're just gonna
fall off the radar. It's really, really draining.

I do remember having that [00:11:00]
moment with my son thinking if I've gotta try and get him what he needs, this
is gonna take a lot of fighting and I don't feel that's necessarily my nature.
I thought, do I really want this? Is there another way? But before I know it,
we were embroiled. in that, process because there wasn't really another option.
And it has been worth it. To get him in the right setting. But it shouldn't be
this hard. There should be, more efficient processes.
Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.
And more transparency.

Victoria Bennion: And
more transparency. I would say that one of the most important lessons that I
learned was that you can't leave it in anyone else's hands. You can't leave
those dates of when you're supposed to be hearing back from someone. You can't
trust that you will hear back. You need to have them in your calendar.
Natalie Tealdi:
That's a really good point actually. Yeah. You need to have it all noted down,
and then you need to be contacting those people, saying The date's coming up.
Are we on track?
Victoria Bennion:
Make notes in your calendar. For example, if it's the EHCP process that you're
going through, [00:12:00] know when you should
be hearing, if they've said they'll get back to you next week, then chase them.
Natalie Tealdi: , I
felt like I was being rude or, inconveniencing people. But actually you just
have to do what you have to do and you can do it in a nice way. You don't have
to be rude to anybody. But , it's just best to keep on top of it all.
Victoria Bennion: We
know today's episode might have brought up a lot because this is something so
many families are dealing with behind the scenes. We'd love to hear more about
your experiences. If you have any tips for managing the process you can share
them with us over@theautismmoms.com or on social media all our links are in the
show notes. Let's keep the conversation going and support each other through
this journey.
Thanks for joining us today on the Autism Mums Podcast. We hope
you have found a little support, a little solidarity, and a reminder that you
are not in this alone. If you enjoyed the episode, we'd love it if you'd follow
the show and share it with [00:13:00] another
parent or carer who might need to hear it. And if you've got a story or a
moment you'd like to share, we'd love to hear from you at
www.theautismmums.com.
Until next time, take care.

Breaking Down Barriers to Education for Neurodivergent Children

Tue, 03 Jun 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about some of the real challenges families face with the current education system, especially when it comes to supporting autistic children.
Key Takeaways
Outdated Education System: The current education system is often rigid and not designed to accommodate the diverse needs of neurodivergent children.
Importance of Flexibility: There's a need for more flexible learning environments that allow for play and creativity, especially for younger children.
Struggles with Inclusion: Being in school is different from being included in school; many children face challenges that are not adequately addressed.
Identifying Needs Early: Early identification of challenges, such as speech or coordination issues, is crucial, but support often falls short.
Training for Educators: There is a significant need for enhanced training for teachers on special educational needs to better support neurodivergent students.
Impact of Environment: The classroom environment, including displays and changes, can greatly affect a child’s ability to learn and cope.
Communication Gaps: There are often communication breakdowns between schools, parents, and local authorities, leading to misunderstandings and lack of support.
Mental Health Considerations: The mental health of both children and parents is deeply affected by the educational experience and the pressure to conform.
Advocacy and Trusting Instincts: Parents should trust their instincts regarding their child's needs and advocate strongly for appropriate support.
Systemic Challenges: Financial motivations can influence decisions made about educational support, complicating the advocacy process for parents.
Mentioned in This Episode
The quote Victoria mentioned seeing on social media is: When a child at school is anxious about going home, concerns would be raised. But when a child is anxious about going to school, we as parents are expected to encourage them to go no matter what. Think about that for a second. - seen on CureJoy Kids on Facebook.
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Transcript
Episode 10 - TAM Podcast - Breaking Down Barriers to Education for Neurodivergent Children
[00:00:00]
Hello and welcome to the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm
Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the
joy, the challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive
space for honest conversations, practical tips, shared strength and
expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving a
meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right
here with you.

Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion: In this episode, Natalie and I are diving into
some of the real challenges families face with the current education
system, especially when it comes to supporting autistic children.

We talk about how mainstream school isn't always inclusive and what happens when children are expected to fit into a rigid system, and the emotional toll it takes when the support just isn't there. This is a personal [00:01:00]conversation drawn from our own experiences, and sadly, we know some of you may relate.

Natalie Tealdi: It's getting everyone to fit into a box, and I don't think that is a model that works
Victoria Bennion: No, it's not.

Natalie Tealdi: in my personal view. The education system is really outdated. Very outdated. They're so young when they start and
it doesn't need to be so rigid. If they could be a bit more
flexible, a bit more play into the learning environment, expecting
four and five year olds to sit on a chair and listen to lessons I
don't think is realistic.
Victoria Bennion: There's a difference between being in school and
being included in school as well. And when your child is struggling.
When my son started school he was struggling from day one. He was
struggling before he arrived.

There were difficulties he was having with speech, with food. They were probably the most obvious things before he started school because I was having conversations with the teachers or I was trying [00:02:00]
to, because I was so worried about the lack of clarity of the speech.
How he would be understood and what support he would get. And we were on a long waiting list at that time for speech therapy and we were
trying to push to get some support before he started, because so many
sounds were missing from his vocabulary. And I remember getting this
letter from the NHS just saying good news, he'd been allocated, a
batch of speech therapy with some other children.

It was gonna be in a group setting and it was to work on one sound. And I remember thinking, oh my God, one sound isn't gonna cut it. We are missing most sounds, more sounds than we've got, and. You have those settling in sessions before school, so there were two reception teachers when my son started school, so I remember speaking to one of them I didn't really feel that she heard me and somebody else recommended that I emailed the other.

Reception teacher because she was also the school SENDCO and she was really good. She was very supportive [00:03:00] and reassured me
really that there would be support given to him when he was in school. So from that point of view, that was okay, but once my son started at school, further difficulties became apparent. I dunno if that was true for
you
Natalie Tealdi: Oh yeah, definitely. It was a bit like an
explosion.

Victoria Bennion: There were things that we weren't aware of that
he was struggling with, that were uncovered during reception. So
things like coordination not being able to get change for pe, holding
a pen. And the teachers were very good at picking that up, but there
was a little group of them in my son's class that were pulled out for
extra support from very early on with handwriting. Can't remember
what else, to be honest, but that it was this same group. Now all of
those children have a diagnosis of some sort. I feel like it's
perhaps obvious you. I was told [00:04:00]
he'll grow outta so many of these things, particularly food that was
obviously a focus, like picky eating.

It will change. It didn't change. It didn't change. And. I don't think it changed for any of the children that were in that group. So they can certainly identify that there are issues from that young, so what can you do that's better? Because I know. It's the setup.

There's always gonna be children in every class. There's always gonna be a group. It's which group is it? So then how do you support these children best? Do you just keep your fingers crossed that they're gonna grow out of it?
Because the chances are that they're not, and they're going to need
extra support.

Or you just gonna keep your fingers crossed, that they go on to the next school, and that's where they'll completely explode and won't be able to cope. It seems to me that the system is not fit for purpose.

You've got say, one teacher with 30 children, so obviously no fault for the teacher, but they can't in the way that [00:05:00] it's set up. How can they possibly cater for all these different children's needs?

Natalie Tealdi: I totally agree with you there. In teacher training they need to include. Special educational needs training. It should be standard. They should be looking for it because we live in a world where there's, a percentage of people who are Neurodivergent and we should be recognizing that and, everybody should be aware of it in the workplace.
It's something that needs talking about a lot more because we need to be able to adapt our behaviors so that it's more inclusive.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. And you don't know the
different, that having the right support being in the right
environment would have for these children. Both of ours . At
different ages. They both had explosions, but it was around the same
time really of not being able to cope anymore.

And you just hear so many stories of other children who hold it all in, hold it all in until they absolutely can't anymore. But what if they were [00:06:00] given the right support? What if they were around people who understood if they had the training? The staff around them have the training, they might be able to think is the classroom too much of a
busy environment for them?

Do they need more sensory breaks? Could they be struggling with understanding what's being said to them? My son, I realize now he wouldn't have understood a lot of what was being said to him at that time. So that's really confusing.

If you're trained, you would know that perhaps change is really hard. So is there a way to have a visual timetable for everybody so everybody knows where they are?
When it gets to the end of term and a lot of schools will go off
timetable to do fun stuff and. For me, when I was at school, I
would've, been so pleased, we're just gonna do fun stuff and we dunno
what fun stuff looks like. But I remember, coming up to school with
my son one day and I was trying to clarify what's happening so that he was gonna be able to cope with it. And the member of staff in the [00:07:00]door said, oh, we're just gonna have fun today. And the color's just gone from his face and he can't even think how to access the
classroom. That comes back to what you was saying about. All staff
were trained because they're going to have a percentage of children
that they're working with who are neurodivergent.

I'm sure it varies across schools, but generally, if teaching staff were aware of the things that are gonna cause autistic children problems, I'm sure that there's a lot that they could work in and do naturally anyway,
Natalie Tealdi: which will mean they can cope better.

Victoria Bennion: even if it's identified say the school says to
you or the parents are thinking, my child.

May need an assessment here at quite a young age, you are looking at such a long waiting list and while you are waiting, so much damage can be done. And at that time it can be very hard to access the support that you need. So if schools were set up a little bit differently it could make a lot of difference to some children's. Ability to [00:08:00]
access the classroom.

Natalie Tealdi: I agree completely one of the things that came up
when we did the national Autistic Society course was. The displays in
classrooms can be quite overwhelming. When you have all the stuff on
the walls and then that changes every now and again, and it's just
those little things that could have such a big impact.

I dunno what the answer is, but if it was just taken into consideration that maybe the majority of a classroom is kept the same on the walls, or there's a space in a main common area where they have displays, something like that, that could make a huge difference to a lot of children too.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. One of my son's early
complaints about the busyness of the walls. And the change of
displays. And I know that it comes from this, again, nice place we're
gonna to show off the children's work and we're gonna make it really
fun.

But for other children, that just adds to that sensory overload of what's already, a [00:09:00] challenging environment for them to be in.

Natalie Tealdi: It's just more things that they need to process,
isn't it?

Victoria Bennion: And another thing of that I think that we should
talk about is the way that it's dealt with often when your child
isn't coping. These children who get to the point where they
absolutely can't cope, they're often excluded.

I'm not sure how many times your son's excluded,

Natalie Tealdi: He was suspended from school twice when he was
five years old.

Victoria Bennion: That's quite a punishment for a child who's, not
coping with the environment they're in, but they're treated like
they're being really naughty and that their behavior is really
unacceptable.

Natalie Tealdi: The expectation is that they will modify their
behavior based on that punishment, when in fact, that's not going to
happen to someone who is Neurodivergent and is struggling in an environment. They're not gonna make that connection anyway. So to me, it seems completely pointless.

Victoria Bennion: Another thing that is often tried is shorter
[00:10:00] days.

Natalie Tealdi: That was from the beginning, pretty much we went
in later and collected earlier. Just to try and help him cope. But
again, that has such an impact on a family. We're trying to work,
we're trying to support our families and then suddenly the day's
shorter,

Victoria Bennion: and it changes that routine. Whilst it's meant to
help, I know very quickly for us that if something changes, that,
that's what we do. So if you are used to going to school nine to 3, 8
30 to three, whatever it is, and suddenly it's eight 30 to 12 very
quickly, but that's what we do.

So even if the intention is we're gonna shorten the day, but then we'll work to extend it, that's very hard.

Natalie Tealdi: And also what message is it giving? It's giving
the message that you are different. You are different from everyone
else. And then how does that feel to a five, six, 7-year-old? It's
not a great starting point. We also had where it wasn't planned that
well, who was going to be looking after our son at certain [00:11:00]
times, so we would arrive at school in the morning and
be told, oh, you are not in this classroom today. You are gonna be in
this classroom with somebody else. And the horror on his face,
because that's an unexpected change. And it could be like that every
day. So it's more to cope with. so consistency's really key.

Victoria Bennion: That comes back to, again, what you were saying
about training. Understanding the impact of something that can seem
such a small thing but that may mean that child can't access school
that day or even further than that.

That can start to break down their ability to access school at all. It's quite massive.

Natalie Tealdi: And having the phone calls in the middle of the
day, he's not coping. Can you pick him up early? Like you said, they
latch onto that as a new routine. So if I pick him up at lunchtime,
then the next day he's gonna expect to stay till lunchtime and that
makes it even harder to get them in. And it's more [00:12:00]
confusing.

it's just a bad cycle.

Victoria Bennion: Another thing that's a major problem is
communication breakdowns between schools, local authorities, and
parents. There can be a lack of transparency. Parents are often
looked at first. When a child's behavior is causing a problem,
is it you? I've been asked that, we did alter things to try to see if it was me. It was the effect of me with other people bringing my child into school. But he still responded exactly the same and didn't want to go in.

Natalie Tealdi: Exactly the same with us. It's what's going on at
home
Victoria Bennion: when you are a parent who's trying to support a
child who's really struggling, and then you are being looked at as
the potential cause of the problem, that's really hard. We Can really
underestimate the emotional and mental impact that.

Parents were already suffering with, and then they're being looked at. Because you're already looking at everything. If your [00:13:00]
child's struggling,

Natalie Tealdi: You are over analyzing everything, and I remember
sitting down with my husband every night okay, what did we do wrong?
How can we do this differently? It was like a daily thing. So you are
already there, but then if you've got professionals also, then it
makes you even more paranoid and, and it often isn't anything.

That the parents are doing

Victoria Bennion: What I didn't realize before we started all the
processes was that Money drives many of the decisions that are taken
around your child, they're financially based.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: Years ago, I may have naively thought that. If my
child needs specialist, obviously the school are gonna suggest
specialist, or the local authority is gonna suggest specialist. Of
course, without thinking of the cost of sending a child to specialist
and therefore, you need to be very aware that when you're fighting there's gonna be people who don't wanna give your child what they need from a [00:14:00]financial reason, not because your child doesn't need that, but you're gonna get a lot of pushback because of the budgets. And they'll be told like we were told when we had part of the EHCP, needs assessment and the educational psychologist, she saw how badly my child was struggling that he couldn't even get into the school. She heard from the teacher how anxious he was, we even had a letter from the clinical psychologist saying , despite the adjustments that have been made, he cannot access this environment. He needs a different environment. and she still made it clear she would be recommending mainstream when he couldn't even access first school. And that really brought it home to me that it's financially based you've
got a letter from a doctor, you've got the teacher's opinion, you've
got the parent's opinion, and yet your there being paid by the
council. Crack on in mainstream, good luck. And it's not having your child's best interests at heart.
Natalie Tealdi: I agree with that completely. [00:15:00]
And there's a lot of fighting that has to happen to get the support
that your children...

From Diagnosis to Advocacy with Whitney Price

Tue, 27 May 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Whitney Price, founder of Unpuzzled Parents Connect, to the show. Whitney shares the emotional and financial struggles she and her husband faced navigating early signs of autism with their son, Connor, the pandemic’s impact on access to services, and the turning point that led her to create a vital support network for families like hers.
About Whitney Price
Whitney Price is a passionate advocate, nonprofit leader, and devoted mother committed to supporting families of children with autism and intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD). As the Founder and Executive Director of UnPuzzled Parents Connect, Whitney has dedicated her life to building a community where families no longer feel isolated or overwhelmed—but instead empowered, informed, and supported.
Her journey began as a mother navigating the complex world of special needs parenting, an experience that opened her eyes to the gaps in support, understanding, and resources that many caregivers face—especially in rural communities like those across West Virginia. Determined to make a difference, Whitney created UnPuzzled Parents Connect, a grassroots organization that has grown into a trusted statewide resource hub. Under her leadership, the nonprofit now offers programs like Coffee and Connections support groups, The Listening Room therapy and counseling sessions, Knowledge is Power workshops, and the newly launched Inclusion initiative, which brings disability awareness into schools.
Through her podcast Get UnPuzzled and community outreach efforts, Whitney amplifies the voices of families, facilitates critical conversations around disability inclusion, and creates platforms for meaningful change. She is also a sought-after speaker and has been featured on platforms like the Adjusting the Sails podcast.
Whitney’s leadership is rooted in lived experience, deep empathy, and a fierce commitment to advocacy. Whether she’s connecting families over coffee, organizing large-scale events, or working one-on-one with caregivers, her mission remains clear: to walk alongside families and help them feel seen, heard, and unpuzzled.
Key Takeaways
The early signs of Whitney's son Connor’s autism and the complexities of diagnosis
Why common autism 'red flags' didn’t apply
Navigating grief, denial, and self-isolation
The financial burden of therapies and the life-changing waiver program
How a small support group grew into West Virginia’s largest autism family network
Mental health strategies for parents and the power of shared experience

Mentioned in This Episode
Coffee and Connections – Community meetups for parents and caregivers
The Listening Room – A safe, supportive space for sharing stories and experiences
West Virginia Medicaid Waiver Program – A disability-based funding program that helped Whitney access therapy services
ABA Therapy (Applied Behavior Analysis) – Intensive behavioral therapy used in early intervention
Birth to Three Program – Early intervention service in West Virginia supporting children under age three
Classroom Inclusion Kits – Educational tools distributed to schools to promote autism understanding and kindness year-round
Autism Level 3 Diagnosis – A diagnostic level indicating high support needs
Therapies Mentioned: Speech, Occupational, Physical, Behavior, ABA
Quote
Nothing feels better than to be able to call another parent and say, ‘Oh gosh, you're not gonna believe the day that I've had.’ And then on the other line going, ‘Oh yeah, we did too.’
Connect with Whitney Price
Website - https://www.unpuzzledparentsconnect.com/
Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/unpuzzledparentsconnectsupportgroup/
Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/p/Unpuzzled-Parents-Connect-61568330603127/
Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript
Episode 10 - TAM Podcast - Whitney Price
[00:00:00]

Hello and welcome to the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And
I'm Natalie. We are two sisters raising autistic children who know the joy, the
challenges, and the everyday moments. This is a supportive space for honest
conversations, practical tips, shared strength and expert advice. Whether you
are celebrating a win, surviving a meltdown, or just trying to make it through
the day, we are right here with you.
Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in
between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
We're so pleased to welcome to the podcast Whitney Price. The founder and
executive director of UNP Puzzled Parents Connect as a passionate advocate and
devoted Mother
Whitney is committed to [00:01:00]
supporting families of children with autism and developmental disabilities. Her
journey began as a mother navigating the complexities of special needs
parenting, which inspired her to create a grassroots organization that empowers
families, particularly in rural communities like West Virginia, through
initiatives like Coffee and Connections, and the listening room.
Whitney Fosters community, amplifies voices and drives
meaningful change. Welcome to the podcast, Whitney. Can you talk about where your journey began?

Whitney Price: My
name is Whitney Price and I am the founder of Un Puzzled Parents Connect and
our journey started. I would say much like a lot of the other parents that I've
spoke with that have a child that's on the spectrum. Connor is my little boy.
He is almost seven now, and he was diagnosed at the age of two.
With autism level three in the states where I am from in West
Virginia, we still [00:02:00] diagnose off of
the levels. So it's typical for a provider to give between a level one and
level three diagnosis. Some of them will even say profound autism, and we
started noticing. Back in 2020 when the pandemic had just started, that Connor
was a little bit delayed in his speech.
And for our region we have what's called birth to three, where
different providers will come in between when the child is born up until the
age of three. And if they're not hitting these milestones. Then they will
suggest that a speech therapist or maybe an occupational therapist, physical
therapist, anywhere that they are delayed in hitting the milestones.
They will suggest that a therapist come in the homes and work
with the child or infant, and we had Connor in daycare at the time. And they
had let us know that someone came in to evaluate the children and that Connor [00:03:00] qualified based off of a speech delay. And
Connor's our only child, so we are also first time parents.
We didn't think much of it, and I. I brushed it off and said
he's a little bit behind, but he'll catch up. He's only two, he's still a baby.
And he was typical in the sense that he was still playing with toys. He was
still calling for us in the way that he would still want to be picked up and
just doing a lot of actions that a typical toddler would do.
So we brushed a lot of things off at the beginning and when the
pandemic happened, the world was completely shut down. We had a lot of time to
spend with Connor, and one of the silver linings was, I called that agency and
said, okay, what can I do? Can you send me some information? Can you send me a
book, send me something on maybe helping him speak or getting him to talk?
So they immediately set us up with a speech therapist. [00:04:00] Everything was virtual at the time. And we
just started meeting with them every single week to go over the different
activities that we could do with Connor. We had 120 days to spend with Connor
when we were completely shut down. So I was home from work for that amount of
time and thought, okay, something is starting to develop new behaviors
developed, but they weren't the typical Google.
Research that you would do. They were not the typical red flags
that you would see. Connor had great eye contact. He responded to his name.
He'd point, he would cry and call for us in his own way, but he also. Was a
jumper. So Connor was constantly active, wanting to seek sensory input. We
didn't know that or what that was at the time.
We just knew that he was a very active baby, didn't like to
sleep, [00:05:00] and we brushed a lot of
things off. But new behavior started to develop for Connor. So he also started
to throw a lot . He started to spin the wheels on the car and obsessively flip
things over and want to play with things in his own way.
It wasn't running a car on a track, it was flipping it over,
running the wheels, and then jumping until they stopped. And at first that
seems adorable, and we took thousands of videos of Connor doing the same
repetitive movements. We would even jump with him. We would make games out of
it, not realizing that I.
We were just stemming to one of the activities that he enjoyed.
So occupational therapy started to happen and they came in our home and started
to say this might be a sign. But he's doing so well, he's so affectionate. All
of these other typical signs that you would see for autism were not registering
for Connor.
So [00:06:00] again, six months
we brushed it off. New developing behavior started to happen. He still was not
speaking. At one point they thought that he was deaf, but he would listen to
sounds or different devices that were loud and put it up to his ear. So we thought,
okay, maybe because he had reoccurring ear infections that the tubes had fallen
out.
We take him back to our pediatrician, we get him set up to have
new tubes put in. Six months later, he's still not speaking. So at that point
we said, okay, let's just do one more evaluation with the psychologist. Have
her come in and we'll see what happens. And she did. It was a three hour long
evaluation.
We my husband and I were there as well. She came into the home.
He was the first person outside of the home other than his babysitter that he
had seen since the pandemic happened. So six months he was at home in [00:07:00] isolation, but he's still little. He was
two and a half. We didn't think much of it.
We thought he does have lack of playing with peers. Maybe
that's why he is not realizing how to properly play with these toys and go
through these different emotions. So she comes in, he immediately clicks with
her. He's sitting on her lap. He is trying to engage, and I'm thinking, she's
gonna think we're nuts.
She's gonna think you're overreacting. You are first time
parents that are just nervous. He's just a little speech delayed. So we are
going through, she is asking us thousands of questions, how my pregnancy went,
if he's on medication, if I'm on medication, if my husband's family's, any
background with them, with mine.
And the whole time, he is being phenomenal. He's pointing to
the colors that she's asking the numbers, the animals. He's getting everything
right. He knew his ABCs numbers up to 10. She's [00:08:00]
complimenting how smart he is. My husband and I are just smiling yeah, he is so
smart. He's just not speaking yet.
We get through the evaluation and she starts reading off these
numbers on the chart and she says he has global developmental delay in these
different quadrants of he is behind in social emotional, he is behind in speech
and these different developments that she's looking at. And she said, has
anybody talked to you guys about autism?
I said that's why you're here, right? I thought maybe, but I
said, what? What about the colors and the numbers? She said those are great,
and he is still advanced in some areas right here. She said, but on this chart
where. He is delayed 50%, 25% here, 60% here. And the list just kept growing.
And she said, we this is an autism [00:09:00]
diagnosis. I said how certain are you that it's an like, how sure, how long
have you been doing this? She said, almost 10 years. And at that point my heart
sank. 'cause I was really hoping that she would say I just started, or this is
my gut feeling.
Or that she was wrong in some way. So we had our grieving
moment. And then we went through a process of, no, she's wrong. We went through
the every emotion that a parent goes through in the quadrants of grief, anger,
denial self-isolation. And we thought, okay, so what do we do now? And she said
you need to try these therapies.
Speech occupational. Physical therapy, behavior therapy, and
ABA therapy, which is applied behavior analysis. We have that in the states and
it's very hard to find in my state in West [00:10:00]
Virginia, it is like a unicorn so at that point we were going back to work. The
world was slowly opening up again and we were stuck because Connor was about
ready to turn three.
So we're saying, okay, now what do we do? The silver lining
was, I had a brand new ABA therapy center that opened up right beside the
dealership that I was working at. And I'm like, okay. So we call, we get him
in. He's the first patient there, so they start seeing him full-time. Connor
was going six hours a day, five days a week.
Very intensive therapy. We were also booking him appointments
with different evaluators, a neurologist, a psychologist from our WVU Medical
Institute, which is the best in the state. We wanted to make sure he was
autistic and that we weren't wrong, she wasn't wrong. And of course, they gave
us another level three diagnosis.
During that whole process, [00:11:00]
we were told by. Coworkers, managers, family, don't label the baby. Don't label
him. Don't do anything that's gonna set him apart and make him stand out from
the crowd. Just do what you can because he is gonna grow out of it. It's gonna
be fine. Your first time parents, he's just a little delayed.
You were delayed, your husband was delayed. Everybody is just
learning at their own pace, so don't label this baby. So my husband and I spent
about a year in isolation. We didn't talk about it, we just went with it. I had
to ask my job to make schedule adjustments so that I could take him back and
forth to therapy.
And drive 45 minutes one way and back, and we were both working
six days a week to make up for the time and long lunches that we had to do
while we were driving back and forth. But we thought he's going to progress. He
[00:12:00] started to say a few words here and
there, and we thought what's gonna take off eventually?
He's starting to talk. Maybe it's just not his time yet. But
when they hit three years old and they're around different three year olds or
other three-year-olds, you start to really notice the deficit that they are in.
And when Connor was around another three-year-old at the doctor, I. I remember
looking over and this mom was like, oh, she just won't be quiet.
I'm so sorry. And this little girl was interacting with me,
telling me stories, and I just felt so alone thinking, I've got this little boy
over here who's saying one or two words, and this little girl is making up
fantasies and I can't understand a single word that my son's saying. So that
made it even worse, that self-isolation start to set in even harder and.
People at work didn't understand. They're still so little and
they're cute. They're easy to mask over anything that's going [00:13:00] on, easy to overlook these little quirks
and habits that they're starting to form, these new stems that they're starting
to have. All of those things were easy to brush off because they blend so well
with their peers.
So during that time. We have what's called West Virginia Waiver
here, which is our form of Medicaid. If you are able to qualify based off of a
disability, they don't look at your income. Don't, you don't have to be in a
low income to be able to qualify. And luckily for us, Connor qualified based
off of his disability for autism.
So what that meant was our copays were going away because my
insurance company had rejected his therapy several times. So we were paying out
of pocket at one point, we were paying 3,500 a month

We were paying a car payment plus a mortgage, plus another
mortgage just for therapies, [00:14:00] and
this new therapy center was taking advantage of parents like us.

They weren't trying to help in any way. They just said, Hey,
you have a very heavy bill. Your insurance isn't paying it. We have to be paid.
We didn't care. We were gonna drain our bank account, whatever it need,
whatever we needed to do. To keep him in therapies we were gonna do. And right
up until the point that we thought, okay, we're gonna have to sell our house.
We're gonna have to move, maybe move out of the state to
another state that has better resources. He was given that opportunity to get
on this program and everything changed for us. We were able to breathe. We were
able to not pay as much out of pocket. We were able to seek other therapy
services with other providers.
Life completely changed. So when that happened, I said, okay,
we need to tell the other parents that we've met at this therapy center, make
sure that their kids are also on this [00:15:00]
program. 'cause we knew that if our child was, they were gonna likely qualify
too. And we knew other parents that were paying out of pocket and feeling.
As drained as we were. So that is when UNP Puzzled Parents
Connect Support Group started.

We were a group of 10 parents at a round table with me
presenting the tiny facts that I knew about this program, saying, Hey, I could
probably walk you through how I got on it. You guys can get on it. And then in
the meantime, we started learning more about different programs that our kids
will qualify for that could have saved us.
Thousands had we known sooner, but the silver lining there was,
even though we were having an awful time at this therapy center, we were able
to say, okay. Let me help you and then we'll figure this out together. And we
now have a friend. We've made a

Learning to Hear a Child Who Doesn’t Speak with Carl Draper

Tue, 20 May 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Carl Draper, student mental health nurse, award-winning photographer and father to Bodhi, an autistic child with a powerful story.
Carl opens up about the early signs of autism in his son, facing expulsion from nursery on day one and the intense stress of parenting a non-verbal child with little sleep or support.
He shares how a pivotal moment with his camera led to a personal breakthrough.
Biography
Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.
Quote
I’ve always had this thing with special educational needs parents or SEND parents — we’re not in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. - Carl Draper
Key Takeaways
Trust Your Instincts - Parents often notice signs before professionals do. If something feels off, it’s okay to seek answers and push for support.
Environment Shapes Experience - The right setting and supportive people can help a child thrive.
Diagnosis is a Beginning, Not an End - Receiving a diagnosis can bring clarity, but also grief and uncertainty. It marks the start of a new chapter, not the end of a story.
Regulation Starts With Us - Emotional regulation in ourselves is often needed when supporting a child with complex needs. We can’t pour from an empty cup.
Creativity is Healing - Photography can offer a way to pause, reflect and process life. Creative outlets are powerful tools for emotional resilience and self-regulation
Assistance Dogs can offer deep connection, comfort, and safety to children with additional needs.
Advocacy Requires Persistence - Navigating the SEND system often involves battles, persistence and support.
Mentioned in This Episode
CAMHS / ID CAMHS – Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, including services for children with intellectual disabilities
Von Kebles – The training center supporting Frank, Bodhi’s assistance dog
Connect with Carl Draper
Follow Carl's journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page
Follow Carl on Instagram

Connect with The Autism Mums
https://theautismmums.com/
Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums
Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums
Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums

Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to
the Autism Mums podcast. I'm Victoria. And I'm Natalie. We are two sisters
raising autistic children who know the joy, the challenges, and the everyday
moments. This is a supportive space for honest conversations, practical tips,
shared strength and expert advice. Whether you are celebrating a win, surviving
a meltdown, or just trying to make it through the day, we are right here with
you. Join us as we share the ups, the downs, and everything in between parenting autistic children.

Victoria Bennion:
Today, we're pleased to welcome to the podcast student Mental Health nurse Carl
Draper. Carl founded Wave Slider Photography in 2015, which won the Bournemouth
Tourism Award in 2017. Since 2020, Carl has been documenting his life with his
autistic son Bodhi through his stunning photography.
Welcome to the podcast, Carl. It's great to have you with us today.

Natalie Tealdi: Can you [00:01:00] share a bit about your
background and how it has shaped your parenting journey with Bodhi?

Carl Draper: Bodhi was born in 2017. By the time he was five, six months, we were convinced that Bodhi was autistic. He never made eye contact. He was just in his own little
world and he was silent. So there were, there were strong signs. I think the
health visitors and other people at the time, they were saying, oh, he is just
sure of himself and he's confident, but he, you know, there was zero eye
contact. It was almost like he'd intentionally wouldn't make eye
contact, which is quite strange for a baby of that age. It was that. It was
that strong and obvious. By the time he was two, he was completely silent. So
we were, more sure then that, that this was autism, that we were dealing with,
and this was gonna be a different kind of journey from a parenting
perspective..
Victoria Bennion: Did Bodhi go to nursery?

Carl Draper: His very first nursery he went to [00:02:00] was a
Montessori nursery, and he was expelled on day one, which is quite an
achievement for a 2-year-old you know, the social norms were expected that
you'd come in and sit at the table and kind of join in where he was just, he
was just constantly off.
Doing his own little thing in his own little bubble. Completely silent, no eye contact. So you were, you were just following him, containing him and, and trying to engage. So we picked him up at lunchtime and he was, he was in a complete state. The lady, who we picked him up from, she looked like she'd been dragged through her hedge backwards.
She was completely disheveled, completely stressed, and we never know until the day what happened there that day. But the one thing we have learned throughout our journey with Bodhi and the autism parenting, is that nothing impacts a child more than the behavior of those around him. And we are convinced that something happened there that [00:03:00]
day. We don't know what it was, but , it took days and days to settle him down. He was, completely devastated. So then we found another nursery for him. They were much better. It was a bigger class and it was more along the lines of, of play, nursery play rather than sit down at a table and learn to read and write.
So he, settled in there. More so because of the people that were looking after him. They were brilliant. And they helped the journey start,, with the referrals to the hospital. Poole, hospital for the autism diagnosis,
Victoria Bennion: Can you talk us through the autism diagnosis process that you went through with Bodhi?

Carl Draper: There was a doctor, speech and language therapist and an occupational therapist, and they had an outdoor playground, an indoor playroom, and a separate room with. Four chairs. And what they did is two of them would spend half an hour with
Bodhi. One of them would spend half an hour with us and they rotated around. There was two of everything toys wise. And we did say to them on the way through the door, be careful [00:04:00] with the digital key code because Bodhi had a thing for cracking codes. At the
time, you know, they, they kind of didn't believe us and said, you know, we're fine. We're used to this. Within five minutes he was out the building
Victoria Bennion: Oh my goodness.
Carl Draper: Yeah, they were off down the corridor chasing him.
Natalie Tealdi: Wow.
Carl Draper: He's got this strange ability where he doesn't remember, he doesn't fiddle around trying to figure it out. He just punches it in. It's like he almost knows it. And, uh, he, he was off, he was gone. We spent an hour and a half, two hours there, and they had a bit of a con flab debrief after, and he was diagnosed there.
And then, and I think that was the beginning of the stress from that parenting side because we were asking the questions that, I suppose everybody asking that scenario, when is he gonna speak? When are we gonna hear his voice? What comes next? And so we kind left. Left. Really? Then how do you learn to hear a child who doesn't speak?
There's no YouTube tutorial. There's no book. So [00:05:00] then we'd, you know, do the research and we didn't find any answers. So we started doing everything with pictures and
videos. We'd take videos of everything from putting your shoes on to going in the bath to go into the toilet. And that's, where it began.
Victoria Bennion:
What were some of your greatest challenges around this time?
Carl Draper: Car journeys were probably the worst at that time. He would try and get out the car while we were moving because again, he's not talking, he's not making eye
contact, he's not engaging, he is just doing his own little thing and we're trying to carry him around the world, you know, to school and to the shops and to the beach.
And, and he would try and get out the car. So we'd put one padlock on them, two, then three, then four. And within minutes of going up the road, he'd be stood the footwell, you know, clapping, holding up. The padlock figured out the codes and, and got out of there.
The stress at that point, when he got to the age three was by [00:06:00] far the worst for me because we live in a world of social norms, don't we? You know, where, the parenting style that we had was wrong. We didn't have the information, the education on what kind of parent you need to be for a child like this with no answers.
So there's no preparation. I think my stress was, Charlie was still working A&E at the time as a nurse, so 12 hour shifts, and I would go two, three days without sleep regularly. Where you get to the point where if he goes to sleep at three o'clock, you go to sleep at three o'clock, but that might only last 45 minutes.
And then we would do 50,000 steps a night in house. He would go around the kitchen, emptying all the cupboards, stacking the plates up, making pretty patterns. He'd go upstairs, strip all the bed, strip all the cupboards, then back downstairs, and you'd go round and round and round. So you were just again following and containing, but I made the mistake of cleaning up behind him. He would unpack it, you would pack [00:07:00] away. He would unpack it and then he'd sit in the dryer. He loves sitting in the dryer and he'd have a bit of a break, if you like. That was his safe space, and he'd watch kung fu Panda over and over and over. So regularly we went without sleep, and I think I, I fell into this trap where. I got so stressed because when can I teach him who Santa is? When can I teach him what the magic of Christmas is? When can I build this relationship? And I think what happens is you kind of realize that they're all your own stresses. Your own wants, your own needs. Truth is he was happy.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah. Can you talk to us about the major turning point for you?

Carl Draper: It was 2020 New Year's Day. Charlie was on nights at A&E and I was on my second, second or third night with no sleep. I can't remember, but I think I was at my worst point. Then I kind of sat on the kitchen floor at like two, three in the morning I'd had [00:08:00] enough. And I picked my camera up, and took a photo of him in the dryer. While he had his, iPad and I won an award for that picture and it was, a major turning point for me. I'd found a way to regulate myself emotionally and that's what I started to document our journey together through Waveslider and started to accept that I needed to change, let go of my stresses and wants. He's happy, so don't worry about it. If he never speaks, don't worry about it.
We're happy. Things are going well and the journey through nursery was going well and we were looking forward to school. I started to learn to let go of all of that, that my own stress and wants and needs. And then things became a lot happier, you know, but you, you had to be out all day, needed a very structured day.
So if Charl was on work at night, I had to take him out all day. Otherwise, he wouldn't let us sleep.
Victoria Bennion: Oh my goodness.
Carl Draper: So we, we got into this routine where [00:09:00] we were going to the beach all day and I was teaching him to surf, to swim, to paddleboard, and he loved being outdoors.
He had cocoa at the time, his German Shepherd, she was black and they were best friends. So we'd spend a lot of time in the forest, in the ponds, and through the wintertime, I'd put a wetsuit on him to keep him warm. You realize you can't keep him dry. So we keep him warm. So we'd both go to the forest in the wintertime with our wetsuits on, and then he'd be, know, be in the ponds, in the wintertime with cocoa and his rubber ducks and playing, and I'd start taking pictures and that became the, daily, thing, this routine.
And of course, we went through lockdown as well. So, you know, I would, having the majority of the time, because Charlie was working, she worked both lockdowns in a e on the Covid pods. So that was quite a strange time.
Victoria Bennion:
Yeah, it must have been.
Carl Draper: But we were very lucky because we live right on the edge of the forest, so we
disappeared to the forest all day, every day as normal. And then he got to the age, four, and then he [00:10:00] moved to the next school up, which was a school for complex learning needs. Still completely silent. But we were into our routine now. I'd let go of those stresses and wants and needs. So I was documenting the journey as we went day to day.
And I think really I started out on Waveslider and because at that point I got to that night on the kitchen floor, I thought you've got the other mums and dads out there that feel alone and helpless and you know, I've always had this thing with special educational needs parents or send parents. We're not in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. We're all going through a journey, but it depends on how we are individually, on what our breaking point is, our strengths are and and that kind of thing. So I'm a surfer, I'm an outdoors person, so off we went to the beach every day and that's fine until you get injured or you get poorly. I broke my ankle three years ago. I had stick to that routine. They couldn't put a cast on it. They
put a boot on it and he wouldn't leave it alone. So I [00:11:00] had to take it off because the pain he was causing trying to get it off. So I put loads of socks on one foot and off we went to the beach. It's much easier with an injury 'cause it just hurts. It's when you you're poorly that, it's at its worst because you want to lay down and curl up.
We'd never had a babysitter. We couldn't leave him with anybody. It had to be myself or Charlie at all times with him. We were the only ones that could communicate with him or understand him. It'd be unsafe. It'd be a disaster.
Victoria Bennion: Of course. How did he get on at school?
Carl Draper: We had lots of problems there. Eventually got expelled for climbing a four foot fence. And then what ensued after was, he was at home for 15 months and we had a big fight with the school and the local authority through solicitors. We were very lucky we got a GoFundMe through Wave Slider. We had a lot of support. That was amazing, the fact that there's people out there that you've never met who support you and want to help you, so. [00:12:00] We got through that and Bodhi started to speak just after his sixth birthday
Natalie Tealdi: What was that like?
Carl Draper: We'd let go of all these, you know, when's he gonna speak? We were just like, oh, right. He said something. It started off with a couple of words, but within a very short
space of time, he's got this eloquent, beautiful speech and we are having conversations and he is, you know, telling you what he wants and where he wants to go. And we were like, wow, we're gonna have our first Christmas this year.
Six years old, we can tell him because we, we started off putting a Christmas tree up when he was around the age of three, but it, he just destroy it. We put presents out in front of him at Christmas. He had no interest. He had no idea what a present was or who Santa is or what Christmas is, or a birthday. He just had no interest. But when he started speaking, when we were coming up towards that first Christmas. His sixth year, you [00:13:00] could see the excitement building in him. Like Santa's coming to see me and we had most epic Christmas ever.
Victoria Bennion:
Fantastic. And once the court case was over, how's the new school been for Bodhi?

Carl Draper: We got him into a private school and that's when life. Really changed for us. And he started to thrive , he evolved extremely quickly. Extremely quickly. I think the autism with Bodhi is a gift. There's no doubt about that. It's, the world around the social norms and expectations that cause and bring the problems.
We also started to believe that A DHD was flying under the radar there because there were behaviors. That were very indicative of A DHD. He couldn't stop and think before he acted. He was always on the lead when we went out. And this is where Coco, the dog helped. He's just a mini hurricane.
But when he started to speak and he started to evolve a little bit more cognitively [00:14:00] and develop emotionally, that's when the challenging behavior came. And I would say that falls into two parts. One, again, the impact of people's behavior around him.
I using the wrong parenting behaviors. I grew up in a pit village in the seventies, eighties. You know, I got brought up in a world where if I ran home from school because the bullies were chasing me, my mum wouldn't let me in the house.
I had to relearn to be a parent. I had to relearn my thought processes, the way that I approach tantrums and, and understanding and validating. It's like learning to nail jelly to a wall, but you're expected to be an expert at it. And it's very difficult, so I relearned to do that. But first I had to learn to, regulate my own emotions. Some days you're better at it than others, depending on how your own needs are met, how tired you are, how well fed you are, how you know, little stress you have in life, [00:15:00] like with university work, financial.
The challenge is. With the

Helping Your Autistic Child with Anxiety

Tue, 13 May 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria and Natalie dive in to the topic of anxiety in autistic children.
Drawing from their personal experiences as mums of autistic boys, they explore the many ways anxiety can present itself - from meltdowns and shutdowns to avoidance, ritualistic behaviour, physical symptoms, and anger.
They offer a compassionate look at how anxiety impacts daily life and what has helped their children feel more supported and secure.
Whether you're early on in your autism journey or navigating school-age challenges, this episode offers reassurance, relatable stories, and real-world strategies that can make a difference.
Key Takeaways
Anxiety presents differently in autistic children: It might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, repetitive questions, anger, or even physical symptoms like tummy aches.
Avoidance can be common: Children may retreat to their rooms or refuse to go places when overwhelmed.
Sensory overload can be a major trigger: Noisy environments, bright lights, and even scratchy clothing can heighten anxiety.
Routine changes, even positive ones, can be stressful: Children may want changes, but still struggle when they occur.
Social unpredictability can add pressure: Not knowing who will be present or what will happen in social settings can create discomfort.
Masking and perfectionism can lead to burnout and chronic anxiety.
Support strategies matter: Ear defenders, visual timetables, sensory tools, role play, and validating feelings can help.
Validation and patience are key: Simply saying 'I hear you' can help children feel safe and understood.
Mentioned in This Episode
Mindfulness sessions – Supportive techniques that help children become aware of how anxiety feels in their bodies.
https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-for-kids/
Visual timetables and planners – Visual supports that help prepare autistic children for transitions and daily routines.
Example resources: Twinkl Visual Timetables
Noise-cancelling headphones and sunglasses
Edz Kidz Ear Defenders
Breathing exercises for children
https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids
BBC Documentary – Inside Our Autistic Minds by Chris Packham
Watch here: BBC iPlayer – Inside Our Autistic Minds
Harry Potter Studio Tour (UK)
Mentioned as an example of a venue with quiet spaces and autism-friendly accommodations.
Accessibility info https://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk/additional-needs/

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What is PDA?

Tue, 06 May 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria and Natalie dive into the unique challenges of raising a child with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile. They share personal stories, strategies, and reflections to help parents and caregivers better understand and support their children navigating PDA-related behaviors.
Key Takeaways
PDA is driven by anxiety and a need for control; traditional demands can trigger refusal.
Offering controlled choices helps reduce pressure and gives children a sense of agency.
Visual schedules and plenty of preparation help ease transitions and reduce stress.
Managing your own calm and letting go of nonessential demands are important for low-demand parenting.
It’s okay to adjust family routines to what works for your child, even if it looks different from your original parenting ideals.
Misunderstandings from others can be painful but focusing on your child’s needs is what matters most.

Mentioned in This Episode
PDA Society
Dr. Naomi Fisher webinars and resources
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Caring for Yourself When Your Child Is Having a Tough Day

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:20:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about ways to look after yourself when your child is having a tough day.
Key Takeaways
How supporting our children with their emotions can leave us feeling completely drained.
Common mistakes we’ve made when trying to "push through" a tough day.
Simple ways we try to carve out moments of calm: meditation, breathing space, and gentle resets.
How creating a comforting environment - with blankets, candles, soft music - can make a difference.
Allowing yourself to cancel non-essential tasks or meetings when you need breathing space.
The power of talking it out with someone who truly understands.
Finding and building a supportive community around you.
The importance of zoning out, resting, and knowing that tomorrow is a new day.
Mentioned in This Episode
Gabby Bernstein’s Meditation App
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Practical Ways to Help Your Autistic Child with Daily Life

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.
We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.
These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.
Key Takeaways
Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.
Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.
Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.
Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.
Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.
Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.
Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.
Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.
Mentioned in This Episode
Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:
Visual timers
Laminated visual timetables
Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
Ear defenders
Bach's Rescue Remedy
Orange Essential Oil
Tiger balm
The Early Bird course by the National Autistic Society
Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

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Getting an EHCP

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:10:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re talking about the journey to getting an EHCP - what it is, why it matters, and what the process looked like for our families.
We’ll share the lessons we learned along the way with the hope that it helps you navigate the process and feel a little more prepared.
Key Takeaways
An EHCP can provide vital, legally binding support
You don't need a formal diagnosis to apply for an EHCP
Schools may not always initiate an EHCP request. If they don't parents can.
Timelines and deadlines are crucial - keep a track of key dates.
Support groups, SENDIASS and organisations like IPSEA can provide guidance and practical help.
The right provision can make a huge difference to your child's wellbeing.
Mentioned in This Episode
SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Services)
IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — ipsea.org.uk
EarlyBird course (National Autistic Society support programme for parents)
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Victoria's Son's Journey to Diagnosis

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:05:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria opens up about her son's journey to an autism diagnosis. From the early signs that were missed, to the struggles at school, to the moment the diagnosis finally came.
Key Takeaways
Autism signs can often be masked or misunderstood, especially in young children.
Building a support network of other parents is crucial.
Professionals may miss signs too, trusting your instincts matters.
The diagnosis process can feel long and isolating, but community support makes a difference.
Receiving a diagnosis is often a moment of both relief and grief and that's OK.
Mentioned in This Episode
The Early Birds Course (National Autistic Society)
ASDivas and Dudes Support Group
The Girl with the Curly Hair by Alis Rowe
The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood
TADDS Outreach Team
Total Children's Therapy
ADOS-2 Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule
CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)
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Natalie's Son's Journey to Diagnosis

Tue, 29 Apr 2025 01:00:00 +0100

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we dive deep into one of the most emotional milestones for parents: the journey toward an autism diagnosis. We share Natalie's story with her son, from the first signs that something was wrong at nursery to the long road of assessments and support.
Key Takeaways
Early signs aren't always obvious: It's common to realize things only in hindsight.
Not all settings impact children the same way: Different environments can highlight or mask challenges.
The path to diagnosis is often long: Waiting times can be frustrating, but support exists even before official diagnoses.
Grief is a natural part of acceptance: It's okay to mourn the loss of expectations while embracing a new, beautiful reality.
Practical support makes a difference: Courses like EarlyBirds offer real-world tools tailored for neurodivergent children.
Mentioned in This Episode
EarlyBirds Programme by the National Autistic Society
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Welcome to The Autism Mums Podcast

Tue, 22 Apr 2025 08:35:00 +0100

Welcome to The Autism Mums Podcast — a space created for parents and carers navigating life with autistic children.
We’re your hosts, Victoria and Natalie — two sisters raising autistic children ourselves. We understand the joys, the challenges, and the thousand tiny moments that no one else quite gets.
In this podcast, we’ll bring you:
Real talk about everyday life
Shared strength from a supportive community
Expert insights to guide your journey

You’ll hear honest conversations, practical tips, mini solo moments, and chats with professionals who understand autism parenting from the inside out.
Whether you’re celebrating a win, managing a meltdown, or simply getting through the day — you’re not alone.
We see you, and we’re walking this path with you.
🎧 Subscribe now and join us each week for new episodes.
✨ Follow us for updates:
Website - https://theautismmums.com/
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