This Complex Life

https://www.linkedin.com/in/marievakakis/

https://www.youtube.com/@marievakakis

facebook.com/marievakakisconsulting

The Psychology of the Ick — and What It Says About You

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 06:30:00 +1000

The ick in dating, it’s that moment where someone does something completely normal, and your whole body just shuts down. A 2025 study found that 64% of people have felt it, and about a quarter ended the relationship because of it. It is a real psychological phenomenon, and it might be telling you more about yourself than the person across the table.

This episode covers:

What the ick actually is and why it happens
Red flags versus superficial triggers
How shame, projection and avoidant attachment show up as the ick
Whether we are being too picky in the wrong ways and not picky enough in the right ones
What to do when the ick shows up in your relationship

Resources:

If you want to move from reacting to reflecting, download my Conflict & Connection Guide to help you navigate those moments of disconnect.

https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/guys-things-women-do-ick_l_65fdc42fe4b087dad305664b

Is Your Wounded Child Ruining Your Relationship?

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever had a reaction to your partner that felt huge?

Like a ten out of ten response to something small?

You are crying over coffee.

They are confused.

You are both thinking, what just happened?

It makes sense that this feels confusing. Most couples are not fighting about the present moment. They are reacting from something older.

In this episode, I explore how your wounded child shows up in adult relationships, why conflict can feel bigger than the situation and how attachment patterns keep couples stuck in the same loop.

This is not about blame. It is about understanding the pattern.

In this episode I cover:

• Why small arguments turn into big emotional reactions

• How childhood needs for safety, soothing and validation shape adult conflict

• What anxious and avoidant attachment can look like in a fight

• Why you get louder and they shut down

• What secure conflict actually feels like

• Practical steps to pause, name your needs and respond rather than react

You are not broken for reacting strongly. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that. Often, if it feels hysterical, it is historical.

The goal is not to erase your wounds. The goal is to make sure they are not driving your adult intimacy.

Resources:

If you want more support, download the Conflict Guide and start noticing your patterns with compassion and clarity.

https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Attachment Styles in Conflict: Breaking the Cycle

Tue, 10 Feb 2026 06:30:00 +1000

If you keep having the same argument with your partner, it might not be about the topic at all. Often, it is not about the dishes, the plans for the weekend, or who forgot to call back. How you fight, well, that could be based on your attachment style. In this episode, I’ll explore how anxious and avoidant attachment styles show up during conflict and why they can create painful cycles that feel impossible to escape.I’ll share what I see as a couples therapist and what you can do about it.

Conflict with a partner activates something deep in our nervous system. Suddenly, we are not calm, rational adults. We are reacting to old attachment wounds. One person escalates, the other withdraws, and before long, the original issue is forgotten while the emotional storm takes over.

In this episode I’ll explain how these patterns form, why they make sense from an attachment perspective, and most importantly, how couples can begin to break the cycle.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why couples repeat the same arguments over and over

• How anxious and avoidant attachment styles trigger each other

• What happens in the nervous system during relationship conflict

• Why silence can feel dangerous for one partner and safe for the other

• The difference between taking a break and stonewalling

• How to communicate needs clearly during heated moments

• Practical scripts to help repair after conflict

• Why repair is more important than getting it right

Resources mentioned:

Working with conflict course: https://marievakakis.com.au/working-with-conflict-in-couples-therapy/
Download guide: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-couples-keep-arguing-and-what-its-really-aboutand-what-its-really-about/
Couples therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

If this episode resonates, share it with your partner or a friend and start the conversation.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

5 Conversations Couples Should Have Before It’s Too Late

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 06:30:00 +1000

So many couples say the same thing when they come to therapy. We probably should have talked about this earlier. Not because of one big issue, but because of all the small conversations that got pushed aside.

In this episode, I’m sharing five relationship topics that come up again and again in my therapy sessions. Things like how to talk about personal goals, navigating money and shared responsibilities, defining sex and intimacy, managing expectations as life changes, and naming the fears that quietly shape how we show up with each other.

What we cover

The conversations couples often avoid that lead to disconnection
What to talk about before starting study or changing routines
Why money triggers old patterns, and how to talk about them together
How to define sex and intimacy in a way that works for both of you
Expectations around parenting, roles and who does what
How fear shows up in silence, frustration or resentment

Mentioned in this episode

Relationship Refresh Workshop (on demand)
Sex and Intimacy Conversation Starter Guide
Therapy sessions at The Therapy Hub

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

I Got a Promotion and My Partner Isn’t Happy for Me

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 06:30:00 +1000

Sharing good news with your partner should feel connecting. Yet for many people, moments of success can quickly turn into hurt or tension when the response feels flat, awkward, or dismissive.

In this episode, I respond to a listener question about getting a promotion and feeling unsupported by their partner. I unpack three common reasons this happens and what is often going on underneath the surface.

This is not about someone being uncaring or selfish. It is about different emotional languages, family histories, and unspoken fears colliding in the same moment.

What this episode explores

Why celebrations matter differently to different people
How family culture shapes responses to success
Why promotions can trigger shame, fear, or disconnection
How money and identity influence reactions
What to say when a moment goes wrong and how to slow the conversation down

When good news turns into conflict, it is rarely about the achievement itself. It is about meaning, expectations, and what has not yet been said.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Won’t My Partner Communicate With Me

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 06:30:00 +1000

Why won’t my partner communicate with me

It’s one of the most common questions I hear in the therapy room and it’s usually coming from someone who feels shut out, unheard or like they’re carrying the emotional load on their own.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’ll share what’s often really going on when communication feels blocked, when you keep fighting or arguing. Because most of the time, it’s not about a lack of words. It’s about emotional safety, overwhelm and patterns that quietly shut conversations down.

I talk about emotional flooding, the communication patterns that make things worse instead of better, and how the way conversations start can set them up to fail before they even begin. I also explore how what we learned about conflict growing up still shapes how we show up in our relationships today.

You’ll also hear practical questions you can ask that invite reflection instead of defensiveness, and small shifts that can help you feel more connected without escalating into another fight.

In this episode, we explore

Why communication problems are rarely just about talking
Emotional flooding and shutdown and why it feels impossible to stay present
The Gottman Four Horsemen and how they show up in everyday conversations
How criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling block connection
Why timing and tone matter more than being right
How family of origin shapes your comfort with conflict
Questions that help you understand each other instead of escalating

If you’ve ever thought we just don’t communicate anymore, this episode is for you.

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Soulmates Or More Like Roommates?

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Do you want to feel closer to your partner, but feel unsure how to bring it up?

Many couples care deeply about each other and still drift apart. Life gets busy. Conversations become practical. Emotional connection fades quietly. Not because people stop trying, but because the harder conversations get avoided.

In this episode, I talk about why relationships drift even when there is love and good intention. I explore why low conflict is often mistaken for connection, and why avoiding check ins can slowly create distance.

I also share three simple questions I use with couples that help change the tone of conversations. These questions focus on understanding rather than blame and can be used straight away.

If you are feeling disconnected and do not know where to start, this episode offers a calm and practical place to begin.

In this episode

Why couples drift without realising it
Why love alone is not enough to stay connected
How avoidance shows up in well intentioned relationships
Three questions that help couples check in and reconnect

ENROL NOW Relationship New Year RESET 2026

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

They Should Just Know and Other Ways Relationships Get Hard

Tue, 16 Dec 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever found yourself thinking my partner is not the same person I fell in love with.

Maybe you still care deeply but something feels off.

Conversations go in circles.

You keep fighting about the same things

Or you feel lonely even though you are still together.

This is a pattern I see often in my work as a couples therapist. Most couples want the same things. Connection. Safety. Feeling valued. Where they get stuck is in how they try to get there.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I walk you through five common patterns that show up when couples feel disconnected over time.

This is not about fixing your partner. It is about understanding what is actually happening underneath the surface when two people who care start missing each other.

Feeling disconnected does not automatically mean you have outgrown each other or chosen the wrong person. Often it means the relationship has not been updated to match how life and people have changed.

In this episode, I share the 5 common mistakes I see people make.

• Why relationships can feel harder as life gets fuller

• How unmet expectations quietly create distance

• What happens when both people are trying but still missing each other

• Why assuming they should just know leads to resentment

• How criticism and contempt creep in without you noticing

If you are feeling stuck, confused, or wondering what happened to the closeness you once had, you are not alone in this. Some of this is uncomfortable and that is okay.

Understanding the pattern is often the first step towards repair.

Tired of going round in circles with your partner?

Relationship Refresh is a practical couples program that helps you stop the blame game, communicate better and feel like a team again.

👉 marievakakis.com.au/for-couples

If things feel more stuck and you need deeper support, you can book an Intensive Couples Therapy session with me through The Therapy Hub

👉 thetherapyhub.com.au

Struggling to talk about sex, desire or intimacy without it getting weird or shutting down?

Download my free guide How to talk about sex, desire and connection: https://mailchi.mp/marievakakis/a-guide-to-talking-about-sex-and-intimacy

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://drjodirichardson.com.au/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is This Anxiety or Is My Brain Just Freaking Out

Tue, 09 Dec 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Anxiety can feel confusing and overwhelming, especially when your brain reacts faster than you can make sense of it. In this episode, I talk with Dr Jodi Richardson about the difference between everyday stress, overwhelming worry and anxiety that needs more support.

We explore why anxiety shows up in the body, why discomfort often feels unsafe and how childhood patterns can affect the way we manage emotions as adults. Jodi shares practical, compassionate ways to understand your anxiety and feel more grounded when your mind starts spiralling.

In this episode we cover:

• The difference between stress, overwhelm and anxiety

• Why anxiety activates the stress response

• How childhood emotional patterns shape anxiety

• Why discomfort often feels dangerous

• What helps when anxiety feels big

• How to support someone with anxiety without fixing

• When to seek professional help

Your brain is not broken. It is responding to something that feels uncertain or overwhelming, and you can support it in ways that actually work.

Connect with Dr Jodi Richardson:

Resources:

📕Daily Stoic

Well Hello Anxiety Podcast

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Breakups, Masculinity and Men’s Mental Health

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Breakups can be hard on all of us, they can shake our sense of self in ways we don't expect. For men, the emotional impact is not something that's often spoken about. They’re taught to suck it up and get on with it.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Michael Wilson, a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention to talk about why men often struggle silently during breakups and how society’s ideas about masculinity shape the way they cope.

We explore how shame, identity loss and isolation can build after a relationship ends, and why many men do not seek help until they reach a crisis point. There is another way to move through it. Understanding, connection and emotional honesty can help men rebuild their sense of self with more clarity and confidence.

In this conversation, we talk about

• Why breakups can shake men’s identity

• How conditioning around masculinity affects emotional expression

• The role shame plays in silence

• What men wish they could say but feel they cannot

• How to support men without jumping into solutions

• Ways to rebuild confidence after a relationship ends

If you are working through a breakup or navigating a season of change, you do not have to do it alone.

Connect with Michael Wilson:

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-wilson-4b2090164/

Michael Wilson is a Research Fellow focused on men’s mental health and suicide prevention, based with Orygen at the University of Melbourne.

Since 2018, Michael has published and presented research both nationally and internationally across a range of subjects, including healthy masculinities and mental health in young men, improving training for mental health practitioners around engaging and responding to help-seeking men, and understanding risk and protective factors associated with suicidal thoughts and behaviours in men.

His research currently focuses on men's mental health and suicide risk in the context of intimate partner relationship breakdown.

Resources:

Main paper: https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2026-40673-001.html
Other research: https://scholar.google.com.au/citations?hl=en&user=avSkawsAAAAJ&view_op=list_works&authuser=1&sortby=pubdate
Mental Health Academy course on understanding men's suicide risk post breakup: https://www.mentalhealthacademy.com.au/catalogue/courses/breaking-up-breaking-down-understanding-and-addressing-mens-suicide-risk-in-the-context-of-intimate-relationship-breakdown

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Rethinking Who You Are After Having Kids with Bronte Taylor

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 06:30:00 +1000

People often imagine that parenthood clicks into place the moment a baby arrives. For many, the emotional changes, the exhaustion and the adjustment to a new sense of self are far more complex than expected.

In this episode, I speak with Accredited Mental Health Social Worker Bronte Taylor about what it really feels like to lose and rebuild parts of yourself after becoming a parent.

We talk about how motherhood can bring joy and pride while also bringing grief, disorientation and a sense of invisibility. Bronte shares her own experience, the concept of matrescence, and why mums often feel guilty when they try to meet their own needs.

We explore:

What matrescence is and why more people need to know about it
Why motherhood can shake your sense of identity
How childhood and family patterns show up in parenting
Why mums struggle to put themselves first
How to start setting boundaries without drowning in guilt
The power of being seen, heard and validated instead of being fixed

Connect with Bronte

Instagram: @bronte_heartfelttherapy
Centre Self Collective
Heartfelt Therapy

Resources mentioned

If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie
Dr Sophie Brock’s Motherhood Studies
Motherkind Book by Zoe Blaskey
https://www.heartfelttherapy.com.au/
https://centreself.com.au/
Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood Book by Lucy Jones
https://self-compassion.org/

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Making Sense of ADHD in Therapy

Tue, 18 Nov 2025 06:30:00 +1000

ADHD is often misunderstood, especially in therapy. In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with ADHD coach Ron Souers about what happens when therapy meets the realities of living with ADHD.

We explore what it means to understand ADHD beyond the label, how it impacts emotions, relationships, and self-worth, and why self-compassion and curiosity make all the difference.

You’ll hear about:

The emotional side of ADHD (and how grief can show up after diagnosis)
Common misconceptions in therapy and how to address them
The importance of validation, empathy, and communication
How to support emotional regulation and connection
Why therapy needs to focus on skills, not just medication

Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.

Resources:

Listen to previous ADHD episode:

Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths: How understanding your ADHD brain and practicing self-compassion can help you thrive.

Connect with Ron Souers:

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Turning ADHD Struggles into Strengths

Tue, 11 Nov 2025 06:30:00 +1000

ADHD can bring creativity, energy, and passion, but it can also make everyday life feel chaotic or overwhelming.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with Ron Souers, ADHD coach and host of Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD. We explore how understanding your ADHD brain can turn struggle into strength, and how self-compassion plays a huge role in that process.

You’ll hear about:

Why ADHD is more than distraction or forgetfulness
The emotional side of ADHD (and why self-blame makes it worse)
What happens when we stop trying to “fix” ourselves
Practical ways to work with your brain, not against it
How support, structure, and self-understanding build confidence

Whether you’ve been recently diagnosed or you’ve always suspected your brain works a bit differently, this episode will help you feel seen, supported, and hopeful.

Resources:

Ron Souers – https://dadhdwss.com/
Don’t Mind Me, I Just Have ADHD podcast

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Growing Yourself Up with Dr Jenny Brown - Encore

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 06:30:00 +1000

We all like to think of ourselves as grown-ups, but what does it really mean to grow yourself up? And how does that shape every relationship you have at home, at work, and with the people you love most?

In this encore episode, I’m joined by Dr Jenny Brown, author of Growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships. We explore what maturity actually looks like in practice, why we can’t change others without first managing ourselves, and how family patterns shape the way we love, work, and connect.

You’ll hear about:

The difference between genuine maturity and “borrowed” maturity
How family systems influence the way we manage stress and relationships
What self-differentiation really means (and why it’s so important)
Why emotional independence isn’t the same as disconnection
How to stay calm and connected during family stress
Why growing up is a lifelong process, not something we finish in adulthood

If you’ve ever found yourself reacting to your family dynamics or wondering why certain patterns keep repeating, this conversation will help you see yourself and your relationships in a whole new way.

Learn more about Dr Jenny Brown: https://parenthopeproject.com.au/

Resources:

Previous conversation: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: A Conversation with Jenny Brown

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Doesn’t My Teen Listen to Me Anymore

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Does it ever feel like your teenager just doesn’t hear you?

You remind them about chores, offer advice, try to connect and all you get back is silence, an eye roll, or a quick “whatever.”

In this encore episode, I unpack one of the biggest frustrations parents face: why teens seem to tune parents out and what’s really going on beneath the surface.

You’ll hear about:

Why advice often makes teens shut down
How to shift from “fixing” to listening
Why chores and constant reminders can backfire
What brain changes make teens focus on peers over parents
How to respond in ways that build connection, not conflict

If your teen feels like they’ve stopped listening, this episode will help you understand why. and what small changes can help rebuild your connection.

Listen now and find practical ways to reconnect with your teen.

Resources:

Explore my Connected Teens Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Parenting, Rejection and Connection

Tue, 21 Oct 2025 06:30:00 +1000

As kids grow into teens, they start to need more independence, and for many parents, that shift can feel like rejection. When your child pulls away, stops talking, or wants less of you, it’s easy to take it personally.

In this encore episode of This Complex Life, I unpack why this happens, what it means for your relationship, and how you can respond in ways that protect connection instead of widening the gap.

We’ll explore:

Why parents often feel rejected as their children grow up
What’s actually happening when teens pull away
The shift from being your child’s “manager” to their “consultant”
How to stay connected without guilt or control
What healthy boundaries look like during this stage
How to model accountability and repair after conflict

Listen now and learn how to stay close, even when your teen seems far away.

Resources:

Part of this conversation: https://marievakakis.com.au/the-psychology-of-rejection-and-what-to-do-about-it/

Learn more about Connected Teens™, an on-demand program to help you rebuild communication and strengthen connection: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

The Future of Friendships: Are We Getting Lonelier?

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

The psychology of rejection and what to do about it

Tue, 14 Oct 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Rejection stings, whether it’s a friend pulling away, not getting the job, being ghosted, or a partner feeling distant. Our brains don’t like ambiguity, so they fill in the blanks with painful stories about not being good enough, smart enough, or lovable.

In this encore episode, I explore:

Why rejection hurts so much and how it’s linked to survival wiring
The ways we often respond, withdrawing, lashing out, or people pleasing
How our brains make up unhelpful stories when we don’t have answers
Practical tools from Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
The role of mindfulness, values, and diffusion in managing rejection
Why self-compassion and support are essential in moving forward

Part one focuses on understanding rejection and building strategies to cope. In part two, I’ll explore rejection in parenting, especially as teens start to need more independence.

Resources:

Connected Teens :

Connect with Marie :

Submit a question to the Podcast:

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Help. My teens aren't interested in me. What do I do?

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 06:30:00 +1000

It can feel heartbreaking when your teenager pulls away, shows little interest in your life, or seems dismissive of family connections. This is a common experience for many parents, and while it can feel personal, it’s often just part of healthy adolescent development.

In this episode, I talk through what’s happening for teens at this stage, and what parents can do to stay connected without pushing their kids further away.

You’ll hear about:

Why teenagers turn toward peers and away from parents
How to avoid taking their changes personally
Moving from “manager” to “consultant” in your parenting role
Why empathy is key (even when you disagree)
The problem with angry pursuit and guilt-driven connection
How to invite closeness without criticism
Practical ideas for spending meaningful time together
Why listening and curiosity matter more than fixing

This episode is all about finding ways to feel connected, even when your teen seems uninterested in you.

Resources:

Submit a question for a future episode: https://forms.gle/6GJsNv9MeppUvw5j8
Connected Teens Program: https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/
Grab my free ebook https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Healing the Unmet Needs of Our Younger Selves

Tue, 30 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever had a reaction that felt bigger than the situation? Maybe your partner forgot something small, and suddenly you felt worthless. These moments often have roots in our past.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Tamera Broughton to talk about how our unmet childhood needs show up in adult life, relationships, and emotional reactions. We explore how trauma is more than big, obvious events, it can also be the quiet absence of attunement, delight, or safety when we need it most.

Together, we unpack how to recognise when old wounds are being triggered, what healing can look like through therapies like EMDR, and why making the “invisible visible” is key to moving forward.

Key Takeaways:

Trauma isn’t just what happened to you, it’s also what was missing.
Disproportionate reactions often signal old pain, not just present triggers.
Unmet emotional needs can create shaky “scaffolding” that affects self-worth and relationships.
Healing involves strengthening internal resources as well as processing past pain.
EMDR therapy can help shift old beliefs (“I’m not enough”) into healthier, adaptive ones.
Noticing patterns and reactions is the first step toward change.

If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or loved one who’s curious about the impact of childhood experiences on adult life.

Resources:

Tamera’s website: https://centreself.com.au/clinicians-item/tamera-broughton-n/
What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

• Join the This Complex Life Newsletter

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

The Future of Friendships: Are We Getting Lonelier?

Tue, 23 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Friendships are some of the most important relationships we have, but they’re also one of the easiest to neglect. In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m joined by Steph Clarke, futurist, facilitator, and author of How to Friend, to explore whether we’re really facing a loneliness epidemic, how friendships evolve as we age, and why maintaining meaningful connections takes intention.

We talk about:

• Why friendships can feel harder to maintain in adulthood

• How technology shapes connection and disconnection

• Overcoming fear of rejection and ‘cringe culture’

• The importance of making time for low-stakes hangouts

• Why conflict and repair are part of healthy friendships

• Simple ways to nurture friendships in everyday life

Steph works with leaders to anticipate change and challenge the status quo, and she brings that lens to personal connection, offering practical advice for building meaningful friendships in a fast-paced, digital world.

Listen now and start small; a simple message or quick call could mean more than you think.

Resources:

• How to Friend by Steph Clarke

• 28 Thursdays

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://www.andreadindinger.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Affairs, Trust, and the Work of Healing After Betrayal

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Affairs can devastate a relationship, leaving couples questioning everything they thought they knew about each other. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with couples therapist Andrea Dindinger to talk about healing after betrayal, the slow process of rebuilding trust, and the courage it takes to move forward.

We unpack why affairs happen, what betrayal does to relationships, and how couples can recover together or separately with intention and care.

What you'll learn in this episode:

Why betrayal can feel so destabilising and isolating
How couples can start rebuilding trust after an affair
Signs a relationship can heal versus when it’s time to walk away
The importance of self-reflection and understanding attachment needs
How therapists support couples in high-conflict or post-betrayal recovery
Why healing isn’t about quick fixes but consistent emotional work

Healing after betrayal takes time, courage, and a lot of honest conversations. Whether you’re the one who’s been hurt or the one seeking forgiveness, there’s a path forward if both partners are willing to do the work. Tune in for this compassionate and practical discussion, and share it with someone who may need hope and guidance.

Connect with Andrea Dindinger:

Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist & Relationship Coach

Andrea Dindinger is a San Francisco-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years’ experience helping people create meaningful, fulfilling intimate relationships.

https://enroll.andreadindinger.com/relationship-reboot-course

Resources:

The Therapy Hub
Andrea Dindinger’s website
Book: After the Affair by Janis A. Spring
Esther Perels: The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity
Emily Nagoski's Come as You Are and Come Together

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Suicide, Grief and Connection: An R U OK? Day Conversation

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

When suicide is mentioned, the room often goes quiet. The heaviness of the topic shows how much fear and stigma surround it, but also how important it is to talk about.

In this solo episode of This Complex Life, I explore the silence around suicide, why the subject feels so confronting, and the impact it has not only on families and communities but also on practitioners who sit with these stories.

You’ll hear about:

• Why suicide is such a difficult conversation to have

• The ripple effect on families, friends, partners, children and communities

• The complicated grief that follows suicide and how it is carried

• Myths and misconceptions that keep people from asking directly

• The importance of clear, direct language when you are worried about someone

• The impact of suicide work on practitioners and the need for support

• Why connection and follow-up matter more than perfect words

Episode discussed

https://marievakakis.com.au/when-a-client-dies-by-suicide-reflections-for-mental-health-professionals/

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support. Lifeline 13 11 14, Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467, Beyond Blue 1300 224 636, Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800.

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What Bad Therapy Taught Me About Good Therapy

Thu, 11 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Therapy is often described as a safe and healing space, but that’s not always the reality. In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Carrie Wiita, adjunct professor, consultant, and creator of Interpersonal Branding, to explore what bad therapy can teach us about being better therapists and more empowered clients.

We talked about what happens when therapy misses the mark, why repair skills are crucial, and how both therapists and clients can work together to build a safe, supportive relationship.

Whether you’re a therapist wanting to grow your skills or someone navigating therapy, this conversation highlights why honesty, transparency, and fit are at the heart of meaningful therapeutic work.

We explore:

• How defensiveness can damage the client–therapist relationship

• Why rupture and repair is one of the most important therapeutic skills

• The role of client expectations in therapy outcomes

• How deliberate practice builds confidence and skill

• Why talking about therapy’s side effects matters

• How marketing and branding can help clients find the right fit

• Practical advice for clients to ask the right questions

• Why mistakes in therapy are inevitable but repair is possible

Resources:

• Santio Counselling Centre

• Inside Social Work Podcast

• Get Ready for Therapy Guide

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Modern Therapist Survival Guide with Kurt and Katie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What Therapists Get Wrong (and How We Can Do Better)

Tue, 02 Sep 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Lessons learned from Very Bad Therapy. The Very Bad Therapy podcast has changed the way I think about therapy and the stories we do and do not tell. This episode is a replay from Inside Social Work with hosts Ben and Carrie.

I loved this podcast and I learned so much from listening to it. It speaks to both therapists and non therapists, and it fits perfectly with the theme of This Complex Life. Therapy is difficult, messy, and complicated.

I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing the hosts of the Very Bad Therapy Podcast, Ben and Carrie. We explore what therapists get wrong, how bad therapy can look different for every client, and why people so often blame themselves when therapy does not help. Ben and Carrie share what they have learned from hundreds of client stories and how those stories have changed the way they practise. We also talk about the side effects of therapy, what to do with feelings of defensiveness or imposter syndrome, the importance of asking about expectations in the first session, and how to repair when ruptures happen.

Key Takeaways

• Bad therapy cannot be reduced to a checklist. It depends on the individual client experience

• Many clients internalise bad therapy and believe they are at fault

• Therapy can have side effects and sometimes people feel worse afterwards

• Mistakes will happen. Repair and humility matter more than perfection

• Asking about expectations is just as important as setting goals

• Therapists will feel defensive. The work is to notice it and respond with openness

• Deliberate practice builds skills by focusing on one area at a time

• Administrative details like fees, scheduling, and emails are part of the relationship and need care

Resources

Very Bad Therapy podcast with Ben Feinman and Carrie Wiita

Sentio Counselling Centre in California

Learn Psychotherapy podcast with Ben and Carrie

Inside Social Work with Marie Vakakis

If this episode resonated with you please follow and review the show on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Sharing the episode helps more people join these honest conversations about mental health and relationships.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

The 4 Habits that Predict Relationship Trouble

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever had a fight with your partner that started over something small but somehow turned into a huge blow up? It’s rarely about the dishes, the bills, or who walked the dog. The way we argue matters more than the content of the fight.

In this solo episode, I talk about the four relationship habits that John and Julie Gottman call the “Four Horsemen” patterns of conflict that predict relationship distress and even separation. More importantly, I share the antidotes: what to do instead.

We’ll explore:

Why conflict isn’t a bad sign and it’s how you handle it that matters
The three main conflict styles couples use
The four habits that harm relationships: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling
Practical antidotes for each of these habits
Why repair and accountability are more powerful than getting it right every time

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just want to understand communication better, this episode will help you notice patterns and make small but meaningful shifts.

Resources:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John and Julie Gottman
Fight Right – Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman

Listen now and start shifting the way you think about conflict.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Do We Keep Drifting Apart in Our Relationship

Tue, 19 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

It doesn’t usually happen with one big fight. Most couples who find themselves feeling distant say it crept up slowly. Busy schedules, kids, work, distractions and one day you realise you’re living more like housemates than partners.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk about why couples drift apart, what research tells us about disconnection, and the small everyday actions that keep love alive.

I share:

Why disconnection often happens without us noticing
How emotional bids shape the strength of your bond
What Gottman research shows about drifting vs closeness
Simple practices to rebuild connection and stop feeling like housemates
Why small moments of presence matter more than big gestures

🎧 Listen now to explore why drifting happens and what you can do to bring closeness back into your relationship.

Resources:

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Cassandra Syndrome

Tue, 12 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever tried to explain what’s wrong in your relationship, only to be told you’re overreacting, imagining it, or making it up?

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m talking about Cassandra Syndrome, the experience of feeling unheard, dismissed, or invisible in your own reality. While it’s often linked to partners of people with autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergence, the truth is it can show up in any relationship dynamic where your experiences are minimised.

We’ll explore how Cassandra Syndrome develops, why it’s so damaging to your sense of self, and what helps you break the cycle. This is not about blame, it’s about understanding, naming your experience, and finding ways to feel seen again.

In this episode I talk about:

What Cassandra Syndrome actually is (and isn’t)
How being repeatedly dismissed affects your mental health
Why some partners shut down instead of responding
The role of emotional labour in relationships
How to set boundaries without falling into the rescuer role
Steps to reclaim your voice and sense of reality
How therapy can help couples rebuild connection and mutual understanding

Resources:

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://www.mentalhealthcommission.gov.au/national-suicide-prevention-strategy

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

When Dream Jobs Fade, Men Redefine Masculinity, and Lived Experience Leads Suicide Prevention

Sun, 10 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What if your dream job stopped feeling like a dream? What if suicide prevention strategies missed the voices of those who know it best? And what if modern masculinity was being reshaped right in front of us?

In this Weekly Wrap, I explore three powerful stories making headlines in mental health and relationships. From rethinking passion at work, to placing lived experience at the heart of suicide prevention, to conversations about male role models and expectations, these stories reveal the deeper issues beneath the news.

Listen in for context, reflections, and why these stories matter more than you might think.

Resources

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-02/national-suicide-strategy-samantha-mcintosh-anton-isaacs/105601504

https://www.abc.net.au/listen/programs/this-working-life/is-your-dream-job-still-dreamy-/105541268

https://www.sbs.com.au/on

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is Falling in Love with an AI Companion Considered Cheating?

Tue, 05 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What emotional relationships with chatbots reveal about loneliness, safety, and the fear of real intimacy

Someone recently said their AI companion understands them more than their actual partner. That it listens, responds with care, and never judges. For them, it felt like love. But is it?

In this episode of This Complex Life, I’m looking at the growing number of people forming emotional connections with chatbots. Some call it companionship. Some call it cheating. I think it tells a much bigger story about how scared many of us are to be vulnerable with real people.

AI chatbots are designed to soothe, to validate, to agree. But real connection requires challenge, discomfort, and the ability to sit with mess. When that becomes too hard, some people turn to machines for comfort. I want to explore what that means for relationships, what we might be avoiding, and what we risk losing in the process.

In this episode I talk about

Why AI chatbots feel emotionally safer than real people
What people say they get from their AI companion
The emotional cost of comfort without challenge
Why some AI interactions start to feel like betrayal
How emotional growth comes from conflict, not ease
What the Psychology Today article reveals about identity, empathy, and false connection
Why relying on AI might feel good but leave us more disconnected in the long run

Resources

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/ai-chatbot-relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_d08BZmdZu8

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/code-conscience/202506/the-emotional-cost-of-ai-intimacy

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

AI Affairs, Clinic Closures, and the Mental Health Cost of Early Smartphones

Fri, 01 Aug 2025 06:30:00 +1000

AI affairs, vanishing therapy clinics, and phones before age 13

Cheating with a chatbot. Therapy clinics shutting almost overnight. And new research on what smartphones are doing to young people’s mental health. These stories aren’t just news headlines. They are real issues showing up in therapy sessions and kitchen table conversations.

Here’s what stood out this week:

Chatbots and cheating

More people are forming emotional bonds with AI bots. Some are even calling it an affair. It might seem far-fetched but it’s happening. These connections feel safe, non-judgemental and easy. But they also raise real questions about trust, emotional safety and what it means to be in a relationship.

Thousands left without mental health care

Ramsay Health Care is closing 17 of its 20 psychology clinics across Australia. This decision is leaving thousands of clients, including children and high-risk individuals, without access to care. Many will end up on waitlists or lose support completely. It is another reminder that our mental health system is not working.

Phones before 13 linked to poor mental health

A global study found that young people who got a smartphone before age 13 were more likely to experience suicidal thoughts, aggression and disconnection from reality. Teens in the study said this matched their own experiences. They feel tired, stressed and stuck between wanting to unplug and fearing being left out.

Need something lighter?

I’ve been watching Teenage Boss on ABC. It’s a great series showing what happens when teens manage the family budget. Entertaining, a bit surprising, and worth a watch.

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/teenage-boss

Resources

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2025-08-01/smartphones-impact-on-mental-health-some-teens-choose-dumbphones/105589326

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19452829.2025.2518313?src=exp-la#abstract

https://iview.abc.net.au/show/compass/series/39/video/RN2411H016S00

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Are We So Fascinated by Other People’s Affairs?

Tue, 29 Jul 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Affairs grab our attention. Whether it’s someone in the news or a friend of a friend, we tune in, pass judgement, or quietly reflect on our own relationships. But what is it that makes cheating stories so captivating?

In this episode, I talk about why we care so much about other people’s affairs. I explore how unmet needs, identity, and longing can show up in relationships. I unpack what betrayal can do to a person’s sense of self, why fantasy can feel easier than reality, and why some couples do try to rebuild after infidelity.

This is not about sensationalism or blame. It’s a real conversation about what I see in the therapy room and what can help people make sense of something painful and complicated.

What I cover in this episode

Why cheating stories hook us, even when they’re not ours
How social referencing plays into our opinions on infidelity
What betrayal can do to trust, identity, and mental health
The messiness of defining cheating in relationships
How unmet needs and longing can fuel emotional or physical affairs
What it can look like to recover as an individual
What’s involved in repairing a relationship after an affair
Why not all couples stay together
What happens when a relationship starts as an affair
The impact of perpetual problems in relationships (Gottman research: 69 percent of issues are ongoing)
Why switching partners doesn’t always solve core differences
What couples need to rebuild trust and connection

Referenced in this episode

📚 The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

Gottman Method couples therapy model
Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment framework
69 percent of relationship problems are perpetual and unsolvable

Therapy helps manage rather than eliminate these recurring issues

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

The Weekly Wrap Men, Tech, and Trust

Fri, 25 Jul 2025 06:30:00 +1000

When a breakup becomes life-threatening, why the Coldplay affair is stirring up fears about trust and betrayal, and what teens are really saying about how technology is affecting their mental health.

This week:

Men, separation and suicide risk

New research from Orygen shows separated men are up to nine times more likely to die by suicide. We explore why this matters and what support is available.

→ Orygen summary

→ Full paper

The Coldplay affair

It is more than celebrity gossip. Infidelity brings up shame, fear and emotional vulnerability.

→ Recommended book: The State of Affairs by Esther Perel

Teen mental health and tech

The ABC Compass episode Hijacking Adolescence captures what teens are really saying about screens and stress.

→ Watch on ABC iview

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is this a red flag or just discomfort?

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Not every uncomfortable feeling in a relationship is a warning sign. Sometimes it’s about growth, not danger.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I explore how to tell the difference between genuine red flags and the emotional discomfort that comes with learning, stretching, and getting close to someone. From conflict to communication styles to how we ask for space, not everything unfamiliar is unsafe.

We talk about the moments that feel uncertain and how to pause before labelling something as toxic or dangerous. This episode is for anyone who’s been unsure whether to lean in or walk away.

Key takeaways

Disagreements aren’t always gaslighting
Shutting down isn’t always manipulation
Conflict is normal, repair matters more than perfection
Forgetfulness and time-blindness aren’t proof someone doesn’t care
Some people regulate through space, that doesn’t mean disconnection
Emotional awkwardness may be about past conditioning, not coldness
Differences in pace or processing styles aren’t red flags
Discomfort is not always danger, sometimes it’s growth

Resources

marievakakis.com.au

Want to rebuild connection in your relationship?

Check out Relationship Refresh: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

10 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

Thu, 10 Jul 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Not all red flags are loud or obvious. Some show up in small, repeated moments that leave you feeling uneasy.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I unpack 10 relationship red flags you shouldn’t ignore. These aren’t just the dramatic ones like cheating or lying, they’re the quieter patterns that can slowly wear you down over time.

I talk about how to tell the difference between a red flag and a misunderstanding, what emotional safety really means, and how to use discomfort as a signal to reflect, not overreact.

Key takeaways:

Why red flags aren’t always a reason to leave (but still matter)
How disrespect, sarcasm or subtle put-downs can erode safety
The importance of accountability and emotional maturity
Why repeated boundary-pushing isn’t just annoying, it’s a warning
What to look for when it comes to emotional manipulation
Signs of poor frustration tolerance and conditional kindness
How to use red flags as prompts for reflection, not panic

Resources:

Listen to the previous episode on trust: https://marievakakis.com.au/why-love-isnt-enough-when-trust-is-missing/
Relationship Refresh course: https://www.marievakakis.com.au/courses

If this episode stirred something for you, you’re not alone. These conversations are hard but they matter.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Love Isn’t Enough When Trust Is Missing

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Love matters, but without trust, relationships can’t feel safe.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I will share what happens when couples love each other deeply but still feel disconnected. We often think love will carry us through anything, but when trust is missing, the relationship can start to erode.

I share why trust breaks down (even without betrayal), how to recognise the small moments that matter, and what you can do to start rebuilding.

Using the BRAVING framework, this episode gives you a clear way to understand what trust really looks like, and practical steps to reconnect with care, not criticism.

Key takeaways:

Trust erodes slowly, often in silence, not always through big betrayals
Why emotional safety is just as important as love
How boundaries, reliability and integrity build trust
Using BRAVING to talk about trust without blame
How to repair trust when someone feels let down
Why love alone isn’t enough if your partner doesn’t feel safe
The power of small, repeated actions over grand gestures

Resources:

Relationship Refresh Course
The Therapy Hub
Brené Brown’s BRAVING Inventory

If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with someone supporting their relationship. You can find more episodes and tools at marievakakis.com.au

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

When Your Teen Struggles to Make Friends. What Parents Can Do That Actually Helps

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 06:30:00 +1000

It’s hard to watch your child struggle to make friends. You might feel stuck between wanting to help and not wanting to push too hard.

In this episode of This Complex Life, I answer a listener’s question "Hi Marie. My daughter has trouble making friends. We really pinned all our hopes and things changing when she started high school this year, but it has come around to the school holidays again and she is feeling sad and lonely. I don't know how best to support her. Should I fill her days with activities that I think might be fun?" I explore why some teens feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by peers, why pushing activities can backfire, and what parents can do to stay connected without adding pressure.

This conversation is for anyone wondering how to support young people who are navigating social struggles and feeling left out.

Key Takeaways:

Why friendship struggles can follow teens even in a fresh school environment
The difference between loneliness and healthy solitude
Why pushing activities and giving too much advice can backfire
The self-fulfilling cycle of social anxiety and avoidance
Why some teens connect better with adults or younger children, not their peers
How to ask gentle, open-ended questions without creating pressure
How to stay emotionally available and supportive without trying to fix it
Practical ways to explore screen use with curiosity instead of shame

Resources:

If you found this episode helpful, I’d love for you to share it with other parents, carers, or anyone supporting teens through friendship challenges. You can find more episodes, resources, and workshops on the website.

You might also like other episodes that explore parenting, connection, and supporting young people through life’s challenges.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why We Avoid Talking About Sex (And How to Start)

Thu, 05 Jun 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Why We Avoid Talking About S3x (And How to Start)

Conversations about sex often feel awkward, avoidant or emotionally loaded. I talk about what’s happening underneath the surface, how gender myths and pressure shape desire, and what couples can do to reconnect with honesty and care.

In this episode, I share :

How emotional safety shapes intimacy
What’s really behind avoidance in long-term relationships
Gender myths and pressure in sexual desire
Why non-sexual connection matters
How to talk about sex without shame or fear
When therapy might help

Resources

Gottman Love Deck App: gottman.com/couples/apps
Relationship Refresh Course: https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/relationship-refresh/
Therapy Hub: thetherapyhub.com.au
Not Having Enough Sex in Your Relationship?https://marievakakis.com.au/not-having-enough-sex-in-your-relationship/
FREE resource to help you talk about sex, desire and connection https://marie-vakakis.mykajabi.com/pl/2148681133

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Navigating Therapy as a BIPOC Client: Stigma, Support & Healing with Tham Fuyana

Thu, 22 May 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What if your therapist just gets it and you don’t have to explain everything from scratch?

That’s what this episode is all about. I sat down with Tham Fuyana, Social Worker family Therapist and Educator, to talk about what it’s like navigating therapy as a BIPOC client.

BIPOC stands for Black, Indigenous, and people/ person of colour

In this episode, Tham shares his reflections growing up as a Black migrant, navigating services that didn’t always see him, and why representation in therapy matters.

Key takeaways

What people mean when they talk about “finding a BIPOC therapist”
Why it’s not just about matching identities but understanding lived experience
How intersectionality shows up in the therapy room
The emotional cost of constantly having to explain your background
What makes some clients feel safer and more understood
The layers of distrust that come from experiences with police, migration and health systems
How a sense of collective identity can offer comfort and where it can be complex
The importance of cultural humility and curiosity in therapeutic work

If this conversation sparked something for you, whether you’re a client looking for support or a professional thinking about your own practice, keep the momentum going. Share it with someone who needs to hear it, have the hard chats and take a look at who’s in the room with you. Because who we sit with matters.

Resources

The Therapy Hub

www.thetherapyhub.com.au

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://self-compassion.org/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why You Don’t Feel Good Enough (Even When You’re Doing Everything Right)

Thu, 15 May 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Do you ever feel like you're just not good enough, even when you're doing all the right things? In this conversation with psychologist Belinda Gibson, we explore the roots of that persistent feeling of inadequacy. We unpack how perfectionism, people-pleasing and harsh self-talk can sneak into our lives and affect our relationships, even when we don’t realise it.

We talk about where these beliefs start, how they show up, and what you can do to respond differently. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you’re not enough, this episode offers insight, reflection and a reminder that you’re not alone.

What We Cover:

Why feelings of not being good enough are more common than you think
How perfectionism can mask deeper self-doubt
Ways to recognise when harsh self-criticism is running the show
How these patterns show up in relationships
Practical ways to respond with more curiosity and compassion

Resources Mentioned

Books

Brene Brown The Gifts of Imperfection

About Belinda

Belinda is a registered Psychologist and Gestalt Psychotherapist, and is the founder and director of Footscray Counselling Centre, where she provides individual, couples and groups with relationally orientated psychotherapy supervision and therapy.

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Do you worry? with Dr Lillian Nejad.

Thu, 08 May 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Do you overthink everything? Lie awake, running through worst-case scenarios?

Worry can be exhausting. It often shows up as planning, perfectionism, or a loop of “what if” thoughts that are hard to switch off. In this episode, I’m joined by clinical psychologist Dr Lillian Nejad to talk about what worry really is, how it differs from anxiety, and why some people find it so difficult to stop.

We explore how worry can sometimes be helpful, when it becomes unhelpful, and what it looks like in everyday life. Lillian shares simple tools to reduce the impact of worry and explains how her app, Contain Your Brain, can support clearer thinking and greater emotional control.

About my guest

Dr Lillian Nejad is a clinical psychologist who supports people to manage anxiety, stress, and sleep. She is the creator of the Contain Your Brain app and founder of Skills for Life, an online hub offering practical mental health resources.

In this episode, we cover

• What worry is and how it differs from anxiety

• Why we worry and how to recognise when it becomes unhelpful

• The three types of worry: solvable, unsolvable, and self-resolving

• How worry can impact sleep, concentration, and relationships

• Why some people confuse worrying with caring

• Tools to manage worry without suppressing emotion

• Signs it might be time to seek professional support

Resources

Contain Your Brain app is available on iOS and Android

Find out more at containyourbrain.com and drlilliannejad.com

Insta

@containyourbrain

@drlilliannejad

Connect with Marie

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Are We Failing Young People?

Thu, 01 May 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What happens when society changes faster than young people can adapt?

I’m joined by psychologist Jamie Maserow to explore the hidden impacts of lockdowns, remote learning and technology on young people’s wellbeing. We unpack how the disruptions of recent years have shaped mental health, learning, and relationships, and why connection needs to come before correction.

We also talk about why many traditional parenting approaches might not meet the needs of young people today, and what it looks like to build resilience through strong, consistent relationships.

Key takeaways:

How early learning gaps during lockdowns created lasting impacts
The rise of ADHD and autism diagnoses post-pandemic
Why online connection doesn’t replace real-world relationships
The risks of mislabelling distress as a mental illness
Why healthy boundaries and parental consistency are critical
How social media affects young people's sleep, stress and self-esteem
When therapy helps and why forcing it can backfire
Practical ways parents and carers can reconnect meaningfully

Resources:

📚10 Things I Wish You Knew About Your Child's Mental Health by Bill Garvey
🎧Pop Culture Parenting Podcast
The Therapist in Therapy - Jamie Maserow

Contact Jamie Maserow, Psychologist, Author, Yoga Teacher

Website: jamiemaserow.com

IG: @the.therapist.in.therapy

Email: jamie@jamiemaserow.com

If you’re a parent, educator, or anyone supporting young people and you're wondering why things feel harder than they used to, this episode is for you. It’s not about getting everything right, it’s about showing up, staying connected, and being willing to have the conversations that matter.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Discernment Counselling

Thu, 24 Apr 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What if one partner wants to work on the relationship and the other isn’t sure they want to stay?

In this episode, I talk with therapist Anne Carter about discernment counselling, a structured and supportive process for couples where one or both partners are ambivalent about staying together.

We explore what makes this approach different from traditional couples therapy and how it helps couples make intentional, informed decisions,with whether that’s to repair the relationship or separate with clarity and respect.

Key takeaways:

What discernment counselling is and who it’s for
The difference between traditional couples therapy and discernment counselling
What often brings couples to this crossroads
The three pathways couples might take after discernment counselling
How to recognise if discernment counselling is right for your relationship
Why ambivalence needs space, not pressure to shift
What therapists should consider when working with mixed agenda couples

If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship or navigating mixed intentions about staying or leaving, check out this episode. Whether you’re the one leaning out or leaning in, this conversation offers thoughtful insight into what comes next and how to move forward with clarity.

Resources:

https://www.gottman.com/

Contact Anne Carter, Certified Gottman Therapist and Certified Discernment Counsellor.

Email: admin@welloflife.com.au

Website: http://www.welloflife.com.au

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Emily Nagoski – Come As You Are

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Not Having Enough Sex in Your Relationship?

Thu, 17 Apr 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Wondering if your relationship should involve more sex or comparing yourself to what you think is normal? You're not alone. Many couples quietly struggle with mismatched desire, emotional disconnection or unclear expectations about what intimacy should look like.

In this episode, I talk about what it really means to not be having enough sex, how responsive desire plays a role in long-term relationships, and why connection doesn’t always come from frequency.

This one is honest, awkward in all the right ways and full of practical ways to start talking about sex in a way that brings you closer, not further apart.

Key takeaways:

Why mismatched desire is more common than you think
What the difference is between spontaneous and responsive desire
How shame, stress, and resentment affect libido
Why “not enough sex” often isn't about sex at all
How to talk about desire and initiate without pressure
The myth of “normal” frequency in relationships
The dual control model: brakes, accelerators, and context
What couples can learn from Emily Nagoski’s work?

If this episode sounds like something you or your partner need to hear, share it with them. Sex is just one way we connect but the conversation around it can be the most meaningful part.

Resources:

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

www.brilliancecounselling.com.au

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What Makes Inclusive Relationship Therapy Work

Thu, 10 Apr 2025 06:30:00 +1000

What happens when love meets change? In this episode we explore the unique challenges and strengths of queer and gender diverse relationships, especially when one partner is transitioning. Therapist Jani Forest Wyatt joins me to unpack the myths, the moments of growth, and the importance of inclusive and affirming couples therapy.

Jani shares insights from both professional and personal experience, from working with Gottman informed couples therapy to challenging stigma in broader social systems. This one’s thoughtful, grounding and full of truth bombs that might change how you think about love, identity and connection.

Key takeaways:

How Jani’s early experiences shaped her path to supporting transgender clients
What Gottman informed therapy looks like when working with queer couples
The unique stressors queer and trans couples face in therapy
Myths about relationships “not lasting” after a partner transitions
The impact of societal judgement on trans individuals and their relationships
Why acceptance and emotional safety are key to relationship success
How clinicians can better support trans clients in intimate relationships
The power of personal motivation in shaping professional practice

Resources:

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Jani Forest-Wyatt - Learn more about her work:

brilliancecounselling@gmail.com

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

6 Things Emotionally Healthy Couples Don’t Do

Thu, 03 Apr 2025 06:30:00 +1000

There’s a lot of advice about what to do to build a strong relationship. But what about the things emotionally healthy couples don’t do?

Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore six common habits that can damage trust, connection, and communication—and why avoiding them can make a big difference.

Key takeaways:

Sarcasm, eye-rolling, and small put-downs erode trust over time.
Name-calling and labelling create emotional distance.
Venting to friends instead of addressing issues can reinforce resentment.
The silent treatment damages trust and communication.
Forgetting milestones isn’t about the big gestures—it’s about showing care.
Expecting one person to meet all emotional needs puts too much pressure on a relationship.

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone—and it’s never too late to shift unhelpful patterns.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Unspoken Expectations in Relationships Are Hurting You Here’s Why

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Ever caught yourself thinking, "They should just know what I need"? Unspoken expectations are one of the biggest sources of frustration in relationships. When our partners don’t automatically meet our needs, it can leave us feeling unheard, unloved, or even resentful. But here’s the thing—expecting someone to read your mind rarely works.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, and my guest, psychotherapist Tracy Proud, as we explore why we struggle to express our needs, how childhood experiences shape our relationship patterns, and what happens when we expect our partners to "just know."

Key Takeaways:

Many of our expectations in relationships are shaped by early experiences, often without us realising it.
Assuming our partners should "just know" what we need can lead to frustration and resentment.
Open, honest communication is essential for expressing needs and strengthening connection.
Conflict isn’t usually about the surface issue—there’s often a deeper meaning behind it.
Understanding each other’s perspectives helps break unhealthy patterns and fosters emotional intimacy.

Resources:

The Gottman Institute – Research-backed insights into relationship dynamics.
Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37220157/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Can Laughter Really Be Medicine?

Sun, 23 Mar 2025 06:30:00 +1000

In tough times, joy can feel out of reach. But sometimes, a single shared laugh has the power to lift the weight of the world—even in a hospital room, a funeral, or a difficult conversation.

In this special episode, I’m adding my voice to Podcasthon , a global movement of over 1,600 shows across 47 countries. Instead of just mentioning a charity at the end, I wanted to go deeper and dedicate this episode to the incredible work of Clown Doctors—specially trained performers who bring laughter into hospitals to ease anxiety and pain.

Together, we’ll explore what laughter does to our bodies and our relationships, why it matters so much in hard moments, and how we can all make space for more playfulness in everyday life.

Episode Summary

This episode is a warm and science-backed reflection on the power of laughter—how it supports our mental health, deepens connection, and even has physical benefits. I talk about the inspiring work of Clown Doctors in Australia, how humour can be a tool for emotional repair, and why laughter belongs in even the most serious spaces.

Key Takeaways

Laughter triggers feel-good chemicals like endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin, reducing pain and improving connection
Scientific research shows laughter can reduce cortisol (our stress hormone) by up to 32%
Humour can strengthen relationships, ease conflict, and build trust, especially with teens and in families
Clown Doctors Australia use laughter as a tool in hospitals to reduce anxiety and support healing
Laughter helps us regulate our emotions and reconnect with others, especially in high-stress moments
Sharing a laugh can shift the tone in difficult conversations and promote closeness
We can intentionally create more opportunities for laughter in everyday life
Playful moments—even small ones—can offer relief, connection, and a sense of hope

https://humourfoundation.org.au/clown-doctors/

https://www.podcasthon.org/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Feeling More Like Housemates Than Partners? How to Rebuild Friendship in Your Relationship

Thu, 20 Mar 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Ever feel like you and your partner are just co-existing rather than truly connecting? Maybe your conversations revolve around schedules, bills, and logistics, rather than shared experiences and meaningful moments.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, therapist, mental health and relationships educator, as I share why friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship, how couples drift apart over time, and most importantly, how to rebuild connection and intimacy when you feel like housemates rather than partners.

Key Takeaways:

Friendship in a relationship creates trust, emotional safety, and longevity.
Couples often drift apart due to stress, routine, and lack of prioritisation.
Rebuilding connection starts with curiosity, shared activities, and appreciation.
Conflict is inevitable, but handling it as teammates rather than opponents strengthens relationships.
Small moments of connection—like humour, deep conversations, and prioritising fun—can reignite friendship.

If your relationship feels more like a routine than a partnership, this episode is for you. Tune in to learn how to shift from housemates back to best friends.

Resources:

Bids for Connection – Recognising and responding to bids for connection in relationships.
The Gottman Institute – Research-based insights on building strong relationships.

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

www.trishpurnell-webb.com.au

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

How Couples Therapy Can Improve Mental Health with Trish Purnell-Webb

Thu, 13 Mar 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Couples therapy isn’t just about fixing relationship problems—it can also play a huge role in improving mental health. Many people think of therapy as a last resort when things are falling apart, but research shows that relationship support can also help with anxiety, depression, trauma, and emotional regulation.

I’m joined by Trish Purnell-Webb, a clinical psychologist, certified Gottman therapist, and trainer for the Gottman Institute, to discuss how couples therapy strengthens connection and supports mental well-being.

Key Takeaways

Couples therapy can lead to better mental health outcomes than individual therapy in some cases.
A strong, supportive relationship can help regulate emotions and ease stress.
Many people with mental health struggles feel isolated—even in relationships.
Learning skills like emotional attunement and validation can reduce distress.
Therapy teaches couples how to navigate challenges together rather than suffering alone.

Resources

The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness – www.gottman.com
Emotionally Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Trish Purnell-Webb:

www.relationshipinstitute.com.au

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://www.brisbanecouplescounselling.com/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Big Fights Over Small Things?

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 07:00:00 +1000

Ever had a small disagreement spiral into a huge argument? Maybe it started with an eye-roll, a forgotten text, or a messy kitchen bench. Suddenly, it’s not about the dishes—it’s about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected.

Join me, Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health, and relationships educator. In this episode, I unpack why small fights often mask deeper issues, how to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict, and ways to handle disagreements that strengthen connection rather than push you apart.

Key takeaways:

Conflict isn’t just about the argument—it’s about the deeper needs and emotions underneath it.
Small issues left unresolved can build into resentment and disconnection.
Healthy conflict strengthens trust, while unhealthy conflict creates emotional distance.
The Four Horsemen—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—can erode trust if left unchecked.
Repairing after a disagreement is more important than avoiding conflict altogether.
The way we handle fights can bring us closer or push us further apart.

If you’re interested in how to approach conflict in a way that builds connection rather than breaks it down, check out Episode 52 – It’s Not About the Fight—It’s How You Fight.

Resources:

The Gottman Institute – www.gottman.com

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you!

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Waiting Too Long for Couples Therapy Can Make Things Worse

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 07:00:00 +1000

Many couples only seek therapy when their relationship is already in serious trouble. But by the time they reach out, years of unresolved issues, built-up resentment, and unhealthy patterns can make it harder to repair their connection. So, what happens when couples wait too long to get support, and why is early intervention so important?

Join me Marie Vakakis, a therapist, and mental health and relationships educator and Michelle Janssen as we discuss why couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis, how waiting too long can make healing more difficult, and how seeking support earlier can lead to better outcomes.

Key takeaways

Couples often wait an average of six years before seeking therapy, allowing issues to worsen.
Therapy is most effective when couples seek support before problems escalate.
Unresolved conflicts, resentment, and miscommunication can become deeply ingrained over time.
Many couples don’t seek therapy due to stigma, fear, or the belief that things will improve on their own.
Small issues left unaddressed can turn into significant relationship challenges.
The earlier couples get support, the more tools they have to strengthen their relationship.
Therapy isn’t about fixing a broken relationship—it’s about learning better ways to connect and communicate.

Resources

The Gottman Institute’s research on couples therapy effectiveness – www.gottman.com
Four horseman
Art and science of love workshops

If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I’d love to hear your thoughts—reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Contact Michelle Janssen

info@brisbanecouplescounselling.com

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

It’s Not About the Fight—It’s How You Fight

Thu, 20 Feb 2025 08:00:00 +1000

Why do we keep having the same fight?

It can feel frustrating when the same arguments keep coming up. But conflict is not the problem. It is how we handle it that makes the difference. Research shows that most relationship conflicts are ongoing, yet avoiding them only builds resentment. The good news is that conflict, when managed well, can actually strengthen trust and connection.

I am Marie Vakakis, a therapist, mental health and relationships educator. In this episode, I explore why conflict is normal, how small miscommunications can turn into bigger issues, and how curiosity, empathy and repair can help you navigate difficult conversations with your partner.

Key takeaways

Conflict is a normal and healthy part of relationships
Avoiding difficult conversations does not make issues disappear
Seventy percent of relationship conflicts are ongoing and unsolvable
How you approach conflict shapes trust and connection
Repairing after a disagreement is more important than never fighting
Words, tone and active listening all play a role in resolving tension
Some people argue to be right, others to connect or feel in control
Asking questions with curiosity can lead to deeper understanding

Resources

• Gottman Institute research on conflict in relationships – www.gottman.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. I would love to hear your thoughts, so reach out and let me know what stood out to you.

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

How Couples Therapy Works (And When to Start)

Thu, 13 Feb 2025 08:30:00 +1000

Have you ever wondered when the right time is to try couples therapy? Or if you even need a major issue to start? Many people hesitate to seek support for their relationship, often waiting years before getting help—sometimes even separating without exploring their options.

Today, we’re tackling the most common questions about couples therapy, from how to know if it’s right for you to what actually happens in a session. Joining me is Anne, my practice manager and the person who keeps everything running smoothly behind the scenes. Anne has gathered real questions from clients, friends, and people curious about what happens in couples therapy.

We’re covering everything from whether you need to forgive past mistakes to what to do if your partner refuses to come. And yes, we even get into the weirdest things couples have fought about in my sessions (spoiler: toilet paper placement can be a deal-breaker for some!).

Key Takeaways:

• When to seek therapy: You don’t need a crisis to start—therapy can help at any stage, including as a preventative step.

• How couples therapy works: From assessments to interventions, we break down what actually happens in a session.

• What if my partner won’t go? Tips for approaching the conversation and increasing the chances they’ll say yes.

• Affairs, open relationships, and trust: Can couples therapy help rebuild after betrayal or navigate non-traditional relationships?

• The Gottman Method: Why I use it, and how science-backed assessments help guide therapy.

• Traditional vs. Marathon Therapy: The difference between weekly sessions and intensive two- or three-day programs.

• How long does it take? Realistic expectations for therapy length and why a “quick fix” isn’t always the best approach.

• Ground rules for therapy: What’s acceptable (venting frustrations) and what’s not (secret-keeping, name-calling).

• Handling conflict: How understanding your partner’s background can completely shift a heated debate.

• Secrets in relationships: What’s okay to keep private and what could be damaging to your connection.

Resources Mentioned:

📖 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John & Julie Gottman

📖 Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – John & Julie Gottman

📖 Hold Me Tight – Sue Johnson

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might find it helpful. And if you have a question about couples therapy that we didn’t answer, send it in—we might tackle it in a future episode!

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why does grief feel so lonely?

Thu, 06 Feb 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever wondered why grief feels so isolating?

Many people expect grief to follow a straight path, something to "move on" from after a set amount of time. The reality is far more complex. In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and grief researcher Liam Spicer to explore what grief is, the myths that surround it, and how we can better support ourselves and others through loss.

Grief is a universal human experience, yet so many of us struggle to talk about it openly. In this conversation, Liam shares insights from his work and personal experiences, breaking down common misconceptions about grief and bereavement. We discuss how grief extends beyond the loss of a loved one, why there’s no "right way" to grieve, and the role of connection in healing.

Key Takeaways

Grief isn’t something you "get over"—it changes shape, but it doesn’t disappear.
There’s no single timeline or correct way to grieve. Everyone’s experience is unique.
Grief isn’t just about death—it can be triggered by life changes, lost opportunities, or even a shift in identity.
Societal expectations can make grief harder by pressuring people to “move on” too quickly.
Supporting someone who is grieving doesn’t mean having the perfect words—sometimes, just showing up is enough.
Guilt about feeling happy again is common, but it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one.
There are ways to maintain a connection with someone you’ve lost, which can help with healing.

Resources

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement – Fact sheets, resources, and support for grief.
The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O'Connor – A science-based look at how grief affects us.
It's OK That You're Not OK by Megan Devine – A compassionate guide for navigating grief.
Liam Spicer’s Website- Find out more about Liam's work and research Liam’s Instagram https://www.instagram.com/liamspicer_/ connect@liamspicer.com.au

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Understanding Trauma and Its Impact with Kathryn Eberly

Sat, 01 Feb 2025 06:30:00 +1000

How Past Experiences Shape Our Lives

Why do certain situations trigger such strong emotions? Katheryn Eberly, a mental health social worker and family therapist, joins me to explore how early experiences shape our beliefs, why past wounds still affect us, and how we can start to shift unhelpful patterns.

Key Takeaways

Trauma affects how we see ourselves and respond to stress.
"Big T" trauma stems from major events, while "little t" trauma comes from repeated distressing experiences.
Core beliefs like "I'm not good enough" often develop in childhood.
Emotional reactions in daily life can signal deeper unresolved experiences.
Recognising patterns can help shift automatic responses.

Resources Mentioned

What Happened to You? – Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
Self-compassion work by Kristin Neff
Previous episode: “I’m Not Good Enough

Connect with Kathryn

https://restoringfamilies.com.au/

Connected Teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

How to Align Your Life with Your Values

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 11:15:00 +1000

Have you ever wondered if your goals truly reflect what’s most important to you? In this episode, clinical psychologist Patch Callahan joins me to break down the difference between values and goals and why living by your values is the key to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

We explore how to uncover your core values, navigate challenges in defining them, and integrate them into your everyday decisions. Whether you’re reevaluating your priorities for the new year or seeking deeper alignment in life, this episode offers practical insights to help you connect with what truly matters.

Episode Summary

Patch Callahan shares the transformative power of values, particularly in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). We discuss how values differ from goals, why they matter, and actionable steps to define and live by them. Tune in to discover how aligning your life with your values can lead to greater purpose and authenticity.

Key Takeaways

• Values vs. Goals: Values guide your actions and choices, providing meaning, while goals are specific targets or achievements.

• Why Values Matter: Living according to your values fosters authenticity and a sense of purpose.

Defining Your Values:

• Reflect on key life domains: family, relationships, work, health, and leisure.

• Identify what’s deeply important to you within each domain.

• Narrow your focus to 5–6 core values that resonate most.

• Challenges in Identifying Values: Overcoming confusion or uncertainty requires reflection, experimentation, and sometimes professional support.

• Practical Tips for Value-Based Living:

• Use discomfort as a guide—it often points to what matters most.

• Prioritise decisions that align with your core principles.

• Build psychological flexibility to stay committed to your values even when faced with challenges.

Resources

Bullseye Activity: A practical tool for clarifying and connecting with your values. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FOEsnX87Ho
Learn More About Patch Callahan: Patch’s Bio and Services

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone reflecting on their priorities this year! Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and join the conversation about living with purpose.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://marievakakis.com.au/events/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is It Time to Rethink Your Relationship with Booze?

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever found yourself questioning your drinking habits or wondering why alcohol feels so deeply woven into our social lives? This episode will inspire you to take a closer look at addiction, coping strategies, and the pressures around drinking.

In this episode, I sit down with psychologist Tara Hurster, an expert in addiction and substance use, to challenge the myths surrounding addiction and explore how we can make healthier, more intentional choices. From practical tools like the HALT method to navigating sober dating, Tara offers invaluable insights for anyone looking to change their relationship with alcohol.

What We Cover in This Episode

Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths

Addiction isn’t about weakness or moral failure; it’s a learned way to cope with life’s stresses and traumas.

Tara shares her journey from supporting peers in high school to becoming an addiction specialist.

Addiction Isn’t a Disease

Addiction is not a disease or a moral failing—it’s a behavioural response to stress and emotions.

Tara recounts her experiences working in an inpatient psychiatric hospital and how they shaped her views.

Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use

The HALT method: Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? Tara adds “Hydrated” and “Health” to the mix for a more holistic approach.

Tara explains how checking in with these needs can prevent mindless behaviours, like reaching for a drink.

Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol

Simple strategies for declining a drink, from “I’m not drinking today” to a white lie like “I’m on antibiotics.”

Setting boundaries is okay and can help you maintain your goals.

Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections

Tips for enjoying dates without alcohol and focusing on meaningful connections.

Tara introduces the FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific, to help with decision-making in dating and intimacy.

The Sober Curious Movement

A growing trend encouraging people to question their relationship with alcohol. Younger generations are leading the charge by embracing life without booze.

Resources Mentioned

Alcohol and Drug Information Service: Call 1800 250 015 or visit ADIS Website

Connect with Tara Hurster:

Website: Tara Clinic

Instagram: @TaraHurster

Enjoyed the Episode?

If this episode resonated with you, please leave a review on your favourite podcast platform. It helps others discover the show and keeps me inspired to create more conversations like this. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who might benefit!

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Are We Really Fighting About the Christmas Ham?

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Holidays are meant to be magical, but let’s be honest – they can also be a whirlwind of stress, unmet expectations, and arguments over things like... ham on napkins. Ever found yourself mid-fight during the holiday season, wondering, “What are we even fighting about?” This episode is for you.

As a therapist, I see this all the time in my sessions: couples bickering over seemingly small things that often hold deeper meaning. Today, I’m unpacking what’s really behind those seemingly silly holiday fights and sharing practical ways to handle them with curiosity and connection.

We’ll explore why the conflict isn’t really about the napkins or the ham, but what they represent – memories, traditions, or unmet needs. So, whether you’re dealing with family chaos, mismatched holiday vibes, or just the general holiday rush, I’ve got you covered.

Key Takeaways:

Why holiday fights are rarely about what they seem – and how to figure out what’s really going on.
The importance of understanding your partner’s holiday traditions and what they mean to them.
How to approach disagreements with curiosity rather than conflict.
Tips for validating your partner’s feelings (even if you don’t agree!).
Why compromise is healthy – and how to do it without dismissing each other’s needs.
How to start meaningful conversations about celebrating holidays together.
The power of acknowledging sadness when things don’t go as planned.

Resources:

Well, Hello Anxiety Podcast: My conversation with Jodi Richardson where we chatted about mismatched holiday vibes, setting boundaries, and handling family chaos. Listen here.
Christmas holiday boundaries blog – Additional tips and articles on holiday stress and relationship dynamics.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to leave a review and subscribe for more conversations on navigating life and relationships. Let’s keep the conversation going on social media – I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Ready to hit reset on your relationship? Join me for a workshop packed with practical tools and guided prompts to help you and your partner communicate better, tackle tricky topics like money, and create a clear plan for the year ahead.

-- JOIN ME LIVE--

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Are Your Holiday Boundaries Strong Enough?

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Does the holiday season leave you feeling stressed and overcommitted? With endless parties, gift exchanges, and family gatherings, it’s easy to say yes to everything and forget about your own needs. In this episode, I’m sharing how to set boundaries that protect your energy, time, and budget, so you can truly enjoy the festive season without the burnout.

I’ll explore why setting boundaries matters and how to communicate them clearly, even when it’s hard. From managing tricky family dynamics to sticking to a budget for gifts and dinners, this episode is packed with practical strategies to help you navigate the holidays with more ease and confidence.

In this episode I discuss

How to recognise your limits and avoid overcommitting during the holidays
Why boundaries are about your actions, not controlling others
Tips for setting clear financial limits without guilt
How to manage social and family pressures with calm and confidence
The power of saying no and following through on your boundaries
Practical ways to offer alternatives that work better for you

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Does My Teen Seem So Anxious, and How Can I Help?

Thu, 28 Nov 2024 06:30:00 +1000

If you’ve ever wondered why your teen seems on edge or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Anxiety in teens can feel daunting to understand and even harder to navigate. In this episode, I break down the basics of anxiety, what might be going on with your teen, and how you can truly support them. Whether it’s about recognising the signs, fostering empathy, or knowing when to seek help, this episode is packed with practical advice you can put into action today.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding the difference between stress and anxiety: Stress is often tied to specific events and can dissipate once the issue resolves. Anxiety, however, can linger and feel harder to manage.
Why teens are more prone to anxiety: During adolescence, critical brain development and life pressures make teens more vulnerable to intense emotions.
Common triggers for anxiety in teens: These can include schoolwork, social pressures, family dynamics, and even global issues like climate change.
The importance of empathy: Listening without dismissing your teen’s feelings is key. Simple phrases like, "That sounds really hard," can go a long way in showing support.
Helping teens build resilience: Letting them face challenges and problem-solve on their own, while ensuring their safety, can foster confidence.
Recognising when professional help is needed: If anxiety disrupts daily life, it might be time to seek support from a mental health professional.
Normalising therapy and self-care: Sharing your own experiences with therapy or coping strategies can help teens feel comfortable seeking help.

Resources:

Connected Teens Course: Learn how to strengthen your connection with your teen while respecting their individuality.
Book Recommendation: Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté – A helpful guide on supporting your teen’s emotional development.
Related Episode: Why Does My Teen Feel Overwhelmed and What Can I Do to Support Them– Discover how to identify and address overwhelm in teens.

Connected Teens

Connect with Marie

Submit a question to the Podcast

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Does My Teen Seem so Moody?

Fri, 15 Nov 2024 05:00:00 +1000

Ever wondered why your teen sometimes seems to be on an emotional rollercoaster? In this episode, I tackle a question that’s close to home for many parents: Why does my teen seem so moody? Instead of brushing it off as "just a phase," I explore what’s really going on for teens emotionally and mentally, from hormonal changes to the social pressures they face every day. If you've ever been met with a slammed door or an eye-roll, this episode will help you understand the bigger picture and respond in ways that support them.

I share insights into brain development, social dynamics, and how to create a supportive environment at home. This is all about building connections and helping teens feel understood rather than dismissed.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding that teen moodiness isn’t just “acting out”; it’s a response to many factors, including brain development and social pressures.
The impact of fluctuating hormones on emotions and behaviour, and how this is a natural part of growing up.
Recognising signs of overwhelm in teens and the importance of timing and tone when discussing sensitive topics.
Why criticism or constant reminders can feel like “nagging” to teens and might lead to defensiveness.
Balancing giving teens independence while staying available for support and guidance.
The importance of modelling emotional regulation as a parent, as teens learn by observing how we handle our emotions.
Simple, actionable steps to connect with your teen without pushing them away, like avoiding overloading them with questions.
Ways to validate your teen’s feelings, even if you may not agree, and how to create a safe space for them to express themselves.

Resources:

Connected Teens™ Course – My on-demand course designed to help parents connect with their teens.
Episode on “Why Won’t My Teen Talk to Me After School?” – For more tips on how to handle after-school conversations.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer in a future episode, reach out via the link in the show notes. I’d love to hear from you and explore the topics that matter most to you and your family.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

Connect with Marie

https://marievakakis.com.au/parents-feeling-rejected-by-their-teens/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Doesn’t My Teen Want to Spend Time with the Family?

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Ever wondered why your teenager suddenly seems to prefer hanging out with friends over family dinners or weekend outings? In this episode, I’ll be talking through some of the key reasons teens begin to pull away from family time, focusing on the natural shifts in social priorities and independence that come with adolescence. It’s not about rejection, though it might feel that way; it’s a complex stage of growing up where friendships often take centre stage. I’ll explore why this happens and share some tips on how you can maintain a meaningful connection without pushing them away.

So, if you’re finding family time with your teen to be a bit of a tug-of-war, this episode is for you!

Key Takeaways

Teens often prioritise friendships over family as they develop their own identities and social lives.
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) plays a big role, making them want to stay closely connected with their friends.
The shift towards friendships is part of natural differentiation—teens exploring their sense of self outside of the family.
Parents can feel rejected, but understanding this phase helps in responding supportively.
Handling feelings of rejection with awareness can prevent tension and create a more positive environment for connection.
Encouraging shorter, meaningful family interactions can help without making them feel forced.
Finding a balance between family traditions and their developing independence allows teens space to grow while staying connected.
Recognise and respect their need for autonomy; focus on quality time rather than quantity.

Episodes to link to

Connected teens

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Does My Teen Feel Overwhelmed and What Can I Do to Support Them?

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Ever feel like your teen is constantly overwhelmed and stressed, but you're unsure how to help without making things worse? In this episode, I’m sharing practical ways you can support your teen when life feels like it’s coming at them too fast. Whether it's school pressures, social media, or the daily juggle of activities, teens today face a lot. I’ll help you understand why they might be feeling so overwhelmed and how you, as a parent, can be there for them in the best way possible.

As a therapist and mental health educator, I’ve seen how parents can unintentionally add to the pressure. But it doesn’t have to be this way! I’ll explain why listening is often more powerful than offering solutions and share tips on connecting with your teen when they’re struggling.

Key Takeaways:

Why teens feel overwhelmed: Reflect on the factors contributing to your teen’s stress, from social pressures to academic expectations.
The difference between stress and overwhelm: Understand how stress can motivate, but when it turns into overwhelm, it’s like drinking from a fire hose.
Stop fixing, start listening: Discover how to hold space for your teen and let them feel heard without jumping into problem-solving mode.
Use emotion coaching to connect: Learn how to validate your teen’s feelings and open up the conversation in a supportive way.
Give them space to decompress: Understand why bombarding them with questions or advice right away isn’t helpful.
Collaborate on solutions when they’re ready: Help your teen problem-solve once they feel seen and heard, not before.

Resources:

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown: A fantastic resource on stress and overwhelm.
Link to stress cycle video: Check out my video on how to manage the stress cycle.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bFGz9ObyW4

JOIN the Connected Teens Course https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Submit a question to the Podcast

Connect with Marie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Won’t My Teen Talk to Me?

Fri, 11 Oct 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever asked your teen a question, only to be met with silence or a shrug? It’s frustrating, right? This is a common concern for parents. I hear this concern a lot.

In this episode, I’m answering this common question I get from parents ‘’why won’t my teen talk to me?”

I’ve heard so many parents share that they feel disconnected or rejected when their child turns to friends instead of them for support or advice. But here's the thing, t’s completely normal for teens to gravitate towards their peers, though that doesn’t make it any less painful for parents.

In this episode, I’ll be covering the most common mistakes that cause communication breakdowns and offering strategies to help rebuild that connection. You don’t have to feel stuck in a cycle of miscommunication. By making a few adjustments, it’s possible to create a space where your teen feels safe and comfortable opening up again.

Fixing problems isn’t always the answer. Teens often just want to feel heard and understood.
Too many solutions can overwhelm your teen and make them feel as if you don’t trust them.
Judging or criticising, even about their friends, can shut down communication.
Let your teen make mistakes—this builds resilience and trust.
The shift from being a “manager” to a “consultant” and offering guidance without controlling.

Quotes:

"People often don’t want their problems fixed. They just want to be heard, empathised with, and validated."
"Frequent judgment ruptures that connection. And remember, connection is one of the most important things for a relationship."
"Resilience comes from actually falling down, dusting yourself off, and getting back up—both physically and metaphorically."

Resources:

If you’re struggling with teen communication, this episode offers practical advice to help you reconnect with your child, even when it feels like you’re drifting apart.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

Connect with Marie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is It Ok to Read My Child's Diary?

Wed, 09 Oct 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever thought about sneaking a look at your teen’s diary?

It’s something a lot of parents consider, especially when they're worried about their teen or feeling out of the loop. But is it the best move?

In today’s episode, I’m digging into whether reading your teen’s private thoughts helps or harms your relationship, and how you can stay connected without crossing that line.

This episode covers the common question: “Is it okay to read my teen’s diary?” It’s a question I hear from parents who are desperate to understand what’s going on in their child’s life. While the temptation is understandable, I explain why breaching that boundary can cause more harm than good and share strategies for maintaining trust and communication with your teen.

Why It’s an Important Question

Many parents feel torn between wanting to respect their teen’s privacy and needing to know what’s happening in their life. This is an important question because it highlights the fine line between concern and control, and how actions like reading their diary can impact your relationship long term. From my work with teens and families, I’ve seen how breaking trust can lead to emotional distance, and it can be tough to rebuild.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

Why reading your teen’s diary can damage the trust between you
How privacy violations affect their emotional development and future relationships
Practical tips for keeping the connection strong without invading their personal space
Strategies for managing your worries and having open, respectful conversations with your teen
How to model healthy boundaries and respect, setting the example for your teen

My Experience and How I Can Help

I know it’s hard not to want to know everything about what’s going on with your teen, especially when they’re going through difficult times or pulling away from you. From working with many families, I’ve seen how important trust is in parent-teen relationships. Once that’s broken, it can be hard to get back. Instead of reading their diary, I’m here to offer some practical ways to build trust and foster openness. Whether it’s finding ways to stay connected through shared activities or starting conversations in a way that invites them to share, this episode is full of tips you can put into action straight away.

Ready to learn more?

If you’re looking for more support on how to build a stronger relationship with your teen, be sure to check out my Connected Teens™ program. There’s a live cohort starting soon, so don’t miss out on a chance to dive deeper into these strategies! And don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with other parents who are navigating the tricky world of teen privacy and connection.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

Connect with Marie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Bids for Connection. REPLAY

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 06:30:00 +1000

I share a powerful concept that can transform your relationships – bids for connection. These small moments when someone reaches out, whether it’s your partner or your teen, can make all the difference in how we build trust and emotional intimacy. How we respond – whether we turn towards, turn away, or respond unkindly – shapes the quality of our relationships.

I explore how noticing and responding positively to bids can strengthen your connection, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or navigating the ups and downs of parenting teens. Drawing on both my own experience and the research of John and Julie Gottman, you'll learn how these interactions impact your mental health, emotional wellbeing, and the health of your relationships.

Whether you’ve been feeling disconnected in your relationship or want to understand your child better, this episode offers practical tools to help you notice bids for connection and turn towards them with kindness.

Key Takeaways:

Bids for Connection: These are everyday actions or signals to establish connection. Learning to respond to them with care strengthens your bond.
Turning Towards or Away: How you respond – with attention or indifference – plays a big role in maintaining emotional intimacy.
For Couples: Positive responses to bids help you build trust and store up connection for harder times.
For Parents: Teens’ bids may seem subtle or negative, but recognising and responding to them is key to strengthening your relationship.

Direct Quotes:

"Bids for connection are one of the most powerful parts of a relationship. How we respond can make or break that connection."
"We often get caught up in life, and miss those small moments where our loved ones are trying to reach out to us."

Be sure to listen in for more on how to improve your relationships through bids for connection!

Links:

Join the Connected Teens
Have questions or feedback? Send me an email, and I might cover it in a future episode!

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is Couples Therapy Right for Your Relationship

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Have you ever wondered when the right time is to start couples therapy? Maybe you’re worried about what might come up, or whether it’s only for when things get really bad. In this episode, I break down the common fears around couples therapy and share why it can be beneficial long before things reach a crisis point. Whether you're curious about how couples therapy works or how to talk to your partner about going, this episode is packed with helpful insights.

I’ll cover what to expect when you walk into a couples therapy session, why it’s not just about airing your "dirty laundry," and how therapy can help you and your partner better understand each other, communicate more effectively, and feel more connected.

Key Takeaways:

Couples therapy isn’t just for crises: It can be preventative and help you build a stronger relationship, even if things aren’t "bad."
What to expect in your first session: I explain how I use an in-depth four-session assessment process to understand both individuals and the relationship.
Common reasons couples seek therapy: From communication issues to navigating parenthood, sex and intimacy, or recovering from an affair—there are many reasons to consider therapy.
Misunderstandings around couples therapy: We address the fear that one partner will be blamed, and how a therapist’s role is to facilitate understanding, not take sides.
How to approach your partner about therapy: I share tips on how to start the conversation without making it feel like an attack or an ultimatum.
Practical tools to improve communication: Learn how shifting from criticism to collaboration can change the dynamic of your relationship for the better.
Working on your relationship solo: You can still go to therapy alone to work on yourself and your relationship if your partner isn’t ready or willing to join.

Resources:

The Therapy Hub
Gottman Institute - Resources on relationships and couples therapy
Eight Dates book by Drs. John and Julie Gottman: A great read for couples looking to strengthen their relationship.

This episode is perfect for anyone who’s ever thought about couples therapy but wasn’t sure where to start or how to bring it up with their partner. By the end, you’ll have a clearer idea of what couples therapy can offer and why it could be the best step forward for your relationship.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What Women Aren't Told About Sex

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Ever feel like your desire doesn’t match what you see in the movies, or that your sex life doesn’t quite stack up to what others seem to be experiencing? In this episode, I explore the many myths surrounding women’s sexual desire and why so much of what we believe is misleading. From the pressure to experience spontaneous desire to the myth of the perfect sexual encounter, I break down how these misconceptions can impact our relationships and our sense of self.

Drawing on the work of experts like John and Julie Gottman, Esther Perel, and Emily Nagoski, I’ll guide you through how emotional intimacy, open communication, and understanding different types of desire can help transform the way you think about sex and connection.

Key Takeaways:

Spontaneous desire isn’t the only kind of desire – responsive desire is just as valid and common, especially for women.
There’s no such thing as a perfect sexual encounter – intimacy is often clumsy, messy, and filled with unexpected moments.
Emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction are deeply connected. A strong friendship and open communication outside the bedroom can lead to a more fulfilling sex life.
Long-term relationships don’t have to kill desire – creating space for novelty, autonomy, and mystery can reignite attraction.
Women are not the gatekeepers of sexual health in a relationship – sexual responsibility and desire maintenance is a shared effort.

Resources:

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
State of Affairs by Esther Perel
Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
The Gottman Institute’s resources on emotional intimacy and connection
The Love Deck App by John and Julie Gottman

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why do some people avoid couples therapy? REPLAY

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 06:30:00 +1000

We talk about fears and hesitation surrounding couples therapy. We discuss stigmas and misconceptions that prevent people from seeking the help they need to nurture and grow their relationships.

In this episode

Belinda and I discuss the value of couples therapy
We talk about how to find the right therapist who can work with the specific challenges faced within your relationship.
We discussed ways of navigating challenging conversations.
We talk about the importance of being curious rather than critical during difficult discussions.
The role of individual therapy and how it can complement couples therapy

Couples therapy can be a transformative experience for relationships, providing tools and insights to improve communication, connection, and conflict resolution. By being curious and seeking the right therapist, individuals can foster a deeper understanding of their relationship dynamics.

About Belinda Gibson

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.

Blog post mentioned

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/is-it-too-late-for-couples-therapy-5-benefits-of-couples-therapy/

Connect with Marie

www.bodhiandpsychology.com.au

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Discussing Sex and Consent with Teens

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, I chat with Avril Cook, a clinical psychologist with a wealth of experience in mental health, family dynamics, and working with teens. We dive into the often tricky subject of how to talk to young people about sex, consent, and body autonomy. I'm excited to have Avril on the show because of her practical approach to these conversations, which can be challenging for both parents and teens. I appreciate her perspective on how starting these discussions early and making them part of everyday life can help demystify and destigmatise these topics. This episode is packed with valuable insights for any parent or caregiver looking to create a safe space for open dialogue with their kids.

Key Themes:

Starting the Conversation Early: Avril emphasises the importance of introducing topics like body autonomy and consent early in a child’s life to make these discussions more natural as they grow older.
Building Trust Through Everyday Interactions: We discuss how parents can build a foundation of trust by being non-judgmental and open, encouraging their children to come to them with any issues, big or small.
Navigating Awkward Conversations: Avril shares practical tips on how to handle the inevitable awkwardness when discussing sex and consent, including the value of engaging in these talks during shared activities rather than formal sit-downs.
The Role of Gender in Conversations about Sex: We explore the different societal expectations placed on boys and girls regarding sexuality and how these can impact the way parents talk to their children.
Repairing Communication Gaps: Avril offers advice on how parents can repair relationships with their teens if they feel they've mishandled previous conversations about sensitive topics.

Avril Cook is a clinical psychologist with her own practice, Bodhi and Psychology. She specialises in family dynamics, working with teens and adults, and providing consultation to organisations on mental health and workplace wellness. Avril is passionate about helping parents navigate the complexities of raising children in today’s world.

Bodhi & Psychology Pty Ltd

Clinical Psychology | Training | Supervision | Research | Consultation

@bodhiandpsychology

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Talking to Kids and Teens About Sex and Consent

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 06:30:00 +1000

As a parent or guardian, talking to kids and teens about sex, consent, and relationships can feel overwhelming, especially if these topics were never discussed in your own upbringing. In this solo episode, I delve into the common questions I receive from parents about how to navigate these essential conversations.

From the basics of when to start talking about sex to the importance of consent and respect, I share practical tips and insights to help you feel more confident and prepared. Whether you're raising little ones or navigating the teenage years, it's never too late to start these discussions and create a safe space for open communication.

Key Takeaways

Start Early: Begin conversations about bodies, privacy, and consent from a young age, gradually building on these topics as your child grows.
Be Honest and Age-Appropriate: Answer questions truthfully while keeping the information suitable for your child’s developmental stage.
Normalise the Conversation: Use everyday moments, like TV shows or real-life situations, to naturally introduce topics related to sex and relationships.
Respect Boundaries: Teach your children about the importance of personal boundaries and consent, and model this behaviour in your daily interactions.
Lead by Example: Show your kids what healthy communication and respect look like by practising these values yourself.
Stay Calm and Open: Approach these conversations without judgement or criticism, and encourage your child to ask questions whenever they need to.
Use Reputable Resources: Direct your children to trustworthy sources of information if they’re hesitant to talk directly with you, and ensure they understand how to evaluate the reliability of what they find online.

Other relevant episodes

https://marievakakis.com.au/why-doesnt-my-teen-listen-to-me-anymore/

Resources

Raising Children Network: Trusted advice on talking to kids about sex and relationships.
Scarleteen: Inclusive and comprehensive resources for teens on sex, sexuality, and relationships.

Feel free to reach out with your questions or share your thoughts with me about this episode—I’m here to help you navigate this important part of parenting!

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Debunking Sex Myths

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, I chat with Dr. Sarah Ashton, a psychologist with over 15 years of experience and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS). I'm excited about this guest because of her unique approach to addressing sexual health through a psychological lens. I like her work because it doesn't shy away from the topics that often make us uncomfortable but are essential for our wellbeing. We dive into the common misconceptions about sex and relationships, and why it's so important to talk openly about these issues. Dr. Ashton shares insights into the "sexual scripts" we've all internalised, often without realising it, and how they shape our intimate lives.

Episode Content:

Sexual Scripts: We discuss how these learned patterns influence our expectations and behaviours in sexual relationships.
Misconceptions About Sex: Dr. Ashton talks about the rigid beliefs around sex, such as the notion that it must end in orgasm, and how these ideas can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction.
The Role of Culture in Sexual Beliefs: An exploration of how cultural background impacts our views on sex and relationships.
Mindfulness and Sensation in Sex: Practical tips on how to reconnect with your body and improve intimacy through mindfulness.
The Challenge of Finding the Right Therapist: Guidance on how to navigate the search for a therapist who is a good fit for discussing sexual health.

Guest Bio:

Dr. Sarah Ashton is a psychologist and the founder of Sexual Health and Intimacy Psychological Services (SHIPS), the first practice in Australia focused on sexual health from a psychological perspective. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Ashton has been instrumental in creating spaces for open discussions about sex and relationships, offering evidence-based therapies and training.

Resources:

Book: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski – A highly recommended read for understanding sexual function with easy-to-understand language and practical exercises.
Website: https://www.shipspsychology.com.au/ – Visit for blogs, resources, and information on sexual health and intimacy.
https://sexual-health-intimacy-psychological-training.teachable.com/p/sexual-health-and-intimacy-training-community.
Instagram: – Follow for regular insights and information on sexual health topics.

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why Doesn’t My Teen Listen to Me Anymore?

Thu, 15 Aug 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Do you ever feel like your teen tunes you out the moment you start talking? Or maybe every conversation seems to end in a heated argument? It’s frustrating, right? In this episode, I’m diving deep into the reasons why your teen might not be listening to you anymore and what you can do to change that. As a therapist and relationships educator, I’ve seen these patterns in so many families, and today, I’m sharing practical insights to help you reconnect with your teen.

In this episode, we’ll explore how the natural shift in your teen’s need for independence can lead to communication breakdowns, and I’ll offer some strategies to help you transition from being the “manager” of their life to a more supportive “consultant” role. Let’s dig into how you can model the behaviours you want to see in your teen, focus on building trust, and ultimately, foster a stronger connection with them.

Why Does My Child Seem to Ignore Me When I Ask Them to Do Something?

As your child grows into their teenage years, their desire for independence increases. This can often result in them appearing to ignore you when you ask them to do something. It’s not always about defiance—sometimes, they’re asserting their growing autonomy.

Why Do I Feel Like My Child Doesn’t Listen to Me Anymore?

If you feel like your child is no longer listening to you, it might be time to examine the way you’re communicating. Are you still acting as a “manager” in their life, or have you shifted to a “consultant” role? Teens respond better when they feel respected and heard, rather than managed.

Why Is Every Conversation with My Child Turning into a Battle?

Constant correction and criticism can make your teen feel undervalued, leading to frequent arguments. Prioritising connection over correction can help reduce these conflicts and make conversations more constructive.

Why Do I Feel Like I’m Losing My Connection with My Child?

Losing connection with your teen can be distressing. Building trust through consistent, respectful, and empathetic communication is key to maintaining that important bond.

Resources

Connected Teens Program: A six-module, on-demand training for parents of teens designed to help you build stronger, more connected relationships with your children.

Supporting young mens emotional and mental health.

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, I chat with Amal, a dedicated counsellor and passionate advocate for young men's mental health. I'm excited by this guest because Amal has a unique perspective, transitioning from engineering to counselling, which gives him a fascinating approach to understanding and supporting young men's emotional lives. I admire his ability to explain complex mental health concepts in relatable ways, making it easier for parents and educators to support the young men in their lives.

Episode Content

Young Men's Emotional Expression: Amal highlights the misconception that young men are not in touch with their emotions, explaining how societal expectations often hinder their ability to express feelings.
Role of Male Figures: We discuss the vital role of fathers and male role models in fostering emotional openness and how their involvement can positively impact young men.
Challenges in Diverse Communities: Amal shares insights into the unique challenges faced by young men from migrant and refugee backgrounds, emphasising the importance of understanding cultural stigmas around mental health.
Practical Advice for Parents: Amal provides actionable advice for parents on how to create an environment where young men feel comfortable discussing their emotions.
Analogies and Personal Stories: Using powerful analogies and personal experiences, Amal illustrates the importance of community and vulnerability in supporting mental health.

Guest Bio

Amal Saleh-Zada is a registered counsellor with over ten years of experience working with adolescents, young adults, and adults. He considers the role of a counsellor to be a privilege and believes that humour is his biggest strength in the counselling space.

Amal is particularly interested in men’s mental health and is dedicated to creating a safe space for open discussions about feelings, emotions, and the challenges that men face. He understands that the quality of the working relationship significantly impacts the counselling process. Amal works collaboratively with his clients to help increase their self-awareness and explore any obstacles preventing them from living their best lives. He aims to develop the necessary skills for his clients to achieve their goals.

Amal works at a local highschool and at The Therpay Hub

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Is Your Teen Changing Overnight? Here's What’s Happening

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 09:00:00 +1000

Hey everyone, it’s Marie Vakakis here, your host of This Complex Life. In today’s episode, I’m flying solo to chat about a topic that’s often a mystery to many – understanding the whirlwind of changes teens go through. If you’ve ever felt bewildered, stressed, or even a little left out by your teenager’s sudden transformation, you’re not alone. Today, we’ll delve into what’s happening for them and how we can better support them through these turbulent years.

Being a parent of a teenager can feel like navigating uncharted waters. One day they’re your sweet, cuddly child, and the next, they’re cranky, secretive, and shutting you out. In this episode, I break down the various changes teens experience – from physical and hormonal shifts to the emotional rollercoaster they’re on. We’ll discuss how to handle these changes, maintain open communication, and support your teen while they discover who they are. It’s all about patience, empathy, and understanding their world.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding Adolescent Development: Learn about the significant physical and emotional changes that occur during adolescence, akin to the rapid growth seen from birth to three years old.
Communicating with Empathy: Discover the importance of listening without judgment and validating your teen’s experiences to build a stronger connection.
Negotiating Boundaries: Tips on setting boundaries through negotiation rather than dictation, helping teens feel included and respected.
Allowing Safe Risk-Taking: The value of letting teens take risks in a safe environment to foster independence and problem-solving skills.
Talking About Sex: Why it’s crucial to have ongoing, open conversations about sex, consent, and safe relationships with your teen.
Keeping Communication Open: Strategies for letting your teen know you’re there for them without feeling suffocated or interrogated.
Recognising When to Seek Help: Signs that indicate it might be time to seek professional support for your teen’s mental health.

Resources:

Free eBook: Why Won’t My Talk to Me? – Download my free eBook for more detailed insights and exercises to help you connect with your teen.

https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/

Connected Teens Program: Learn more about my program, which is designed to support families through the adolescent years.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtimsharp

Join me in this episode as we navigate the complexities of teenage development together. Remember, you’re not alone in this -

Submit a question to the Podcast

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Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Tackling Shame in Men with Michael Derby

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Introduction

In today's episode, I chat with Michael, a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker, about the crucial topic of men's mental health. We delve into the often uncomfortable but essential discussion around shame and stigma, and how addressing these can lead to healing and stronger connections. I'm excited by this guest because Michael has a wealth of experience and insight into the unique challenges men face when seeking support. I particularly appreciate his perspective on emotional expression and the importance of sitting with our feelings.

Episode Content

Key Takeaways:

Men and Emotional Expression: Michael discusses how men often prefer solutions and the importance of encouraging them to sit with their emotions.
Impact of Shame: We explore how shame influences men's mental health and their willingness to seek help.
Overcoming Stigma: Michael shares strategies for addressing the stigma around men's mental health.
Building Healthy Relationships: Practical tips on how men can build deeper and more meaningful connections.
Finding the Right Therapist: Advice on what to look for in a therapist to ensure a good fit.
Support Systems: The role of support systems in helping men manage their mental health.
Personal Stories: Michael shares insightful stories from his professional experience that highlight the impact of addressing shame.

Guest Bio

Michael is a family therapist and accredited mental health social worker with extensive experience in men's mental health. His work focuses on helping men navigate their emotions and overcome the stigma associated with seeking mental health support.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Transform Your Relationship in One Hour a Week with State of the Union Meetings

Mon, 15 Jul 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today's solo episode, I'm excited to share a powerful tool that can help transform your relationship in just one hour a week—the State of the Union meeting. Created by the renowned John and Julie Gottman, this technique is all about building stronger, more empathetic relationships.

In this episode, I discuss how dedicating just one hour a week to a structured conversation with your partner can make a huge difference. I'll guide you through the steps of these meetings, from starting with appreciation to tackling issues constructively. This is one of my favourite techniques to teach couples, and I'm thrilled to share it with you.

Key Takeaways:

The importance of setting aside one hour a week for your relationship.
How to start your State of the Union meeting with appreciation.
Tips for discussing issues with a focus on personal feelings, not blame.
Understanding and validating your partner's perspective.
The ATTUNE acronym: Awareness, Tolerance, Turning Towards, Understanding, Non-defensive listening, Empathy.
Making repair attempts and discussing missed or overlooked issues.
How to end the meeting by asking what you can do to make your partner feel more loved next week.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Unlocking Happiness and Men’s Mental Health with Tim Sharp

Fri, 28 Jun 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, I chatted with a leading expert in positive psychology who has dedicated his life to promoting mental health and well-being. I'm excited by this guest because he not only shares valuable insights but also speaks openly about his own experiences with mental illness, aiming to destigmatise these important issues. I like his book because it provides practical strategies for building happiness and resilience, making these concepts accessible to everyone.

Episode Content

Destigmatising Mental Illness: We discuss how sharing personal stories can help reduce the stigma around mental health issues.
Practical Mental Health Strategies: Learn techniques for improving mental health, similar to building physical strength at the gym.
Debunking Happiness Myths: We tackle common misconceptions about happiness, including the idea that it should come naturally or that we should be happy all the time.
Positive Psychology: Explore how shifting from traditional clinical psychology to positive psychology can enhance well-being.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Understand the balance between accepting our emotions and committing to positive actions.
Toxic Positivity: Discuss the dangers of unrealistic positivity and the importance of acknowledging all emotions.
Men's Mental Health: Highlight the unique challenges men face regarding mental health, including how depression can present differently in men and women.
Supportive Relationships: Tips on how to be there for someone struggling with mental health without trying to "fix" them.

About

Dr. Tim Sharp

Chief Happiness Officer – The Happiness Institute

An internationally renowned leader in the field of Positive Psychology Dr. Tim Sharp (aka Dr. Happy) is a sought after Speaker and Facilitator, Consultant and Coach, Writer and Podcaster, Spokesperson and Brand Ambassador.

www.drhappy.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/thehappinessinstitute

https://twitter.com/drhappy

https://www.facebook.com/TheHappinessInstitute

@thehappinessinstutue IG and FB

Resources

For the full transcript and show notes, please visit the website.

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

You Made Me This Way Confronting Childhood Trauma and Surviving Sexual Abuse

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today’s episode, I chat with Shannon Molloy, a journalist and author whose latest book, You Made Me This Way, delves into the impact of childhood trauma and the resilience needed to overcome it. I'm excited by this guest because Shannon's insights into trauma and resilience are both profound and relatable. I like his book because it provides a raw and courageous exploration of personal and societal issues, making this conversation both enlightening and inspiring. This episode covers a deeply moving topic that's often hidden behind closed doors and only shared with a therapist or a trusted loved one. By sharing Shannon's story, I'm hoping to destigmatise this often taboo and difficult subject.

In this episode, we discuss

Shannon explains how storytelling can humanise and address difficult topics. He believes that "when you put humanity back into a topic like child sexual abuse or mental health, you bring the community along with you, and that's when you can affect real change."

Shannon shares his journey in confronting and writing about his trauma. He candidly discusses the challenges he faced and the realisation that he is not alone in his struggles. "The suppression of it, I mean, and then, you know, the more I spoke to him, the more I looked into the topic, the more I realised that I'm not unique."

Shannon highlights the injustices faced by men who carry the burden of untold stories. "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that, this is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone."

Quotes

- "You're not broken. You're not a deviant or in some way defective. This is a scientific reaction to the most unspeakable hurt inflicted on you as a child. This isn't your fault." - Shannon Molloy

- "There’s a real injustice in that, and I don’t think it’s an accident that that is the way things are. It enraged me that there’s a not insignificant number of men walking around with this enormous burden on their shoulders, and they, for so many reasons, feel like they can never tell anyone." - Shannon Molloy

About Shannon Molloy

Shannon Molloy is an award-winning journalist and author with more than fifteen years' experience working for major media outlets spanning print, digital and publishing. He began his career at Fairfax in Brisbane as an award-winning news reporter and has since covered property, business, entertainment and human interest. He spent seven years working for News Corp as an entertainment reporter and feature writer, then as News Editor of news.com.au. He is currently the News Editor at realestate.com.au.

Shannon was the 2020 recipient of Journalist of the Year at the Mumbrella Publish Awards. His debut book, Fourteen, a memoir about growing up gay in regional Queensland, is a critically acclaimed bestseller that was turned into a sell-out hit stage production and is now being adapted for the screen.

Shannon also contributes to various charity organisations and founded the annual Clare Atkinson Memorial Scholarship for journalism at The University of Queensland.

Resources Mentioned

📖 You Made Me This Way by Shannon Molloy

✉️ https://www.shannonmolloy.com.au/

Information for support services related to childhood trauma and sexual abuse

Lifeline Australia

Website: www.lifeline.org.au
Phone: 13 11 14

1800RESPECT

Website: www.1800respect.org.au
Phone: 1800 737 732

Blue Knot Foundation

Website: www.blueknot.org.au
Phone: 1300 657 380

Kids Helpline

Website: www.kidshelpline.com.au
Phone: 1800 55 1800

Headspace

Website: www.headspace.org.au
Phone: 1800 650 890

Men's Line Australia

Website: www.mensline.org.au
Phone: 1300 78 99 78

For the full transcript and show notes please visit the website

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Navigating Conflict and Embracing Vulnerability with John Flanagan

Thu, 13 Jun 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Navigating Conflict and Embracing Vulnerability

In this special Mens Health Month episode, I’m joined by John Flanagan, an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and certified Gottman therapist. Today, we’re focusing on important aspects of men's mental health.

We break down myths about men and emotional expression, explore the importance of creating supportive environments, and share practical advice on how to talk about feelings. We also explore how conflict can strengthen relationships and why validation is key to effective communication.

Key Points

Debunking Myths about Men’s Emotions

John challenges the idea that men struggle to talk about their feelings: "I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."

Creating Supportive Environments

We discuss how to foster spaces that encourage men to share their emotions and feel safe doing so.

The Role of Validation

Understanding how to validate someone’s feelings without agreeing with them: "You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."

Conflict as a Tool

Discover how conflict can help you understand your partner better and strengthen your relationship.

Practical Advice

Get actionable tips on fostering better communication and emotional expression, including the use of open-ended questions and creating safe spaces for emotional conversations.

Repairing Relationships

Learn why making repairs after conflicts is crucial and how to do it effectively.

Community Support

Explore ways to find support in your community, even outside of therapy.

Featured Quotes

"I think men are very capable of engaging in conversations about what's going on in their world and inside them. It's not about a genetic flaw; it's about creating environments that encourage such conversations."

John Flanagan

"You can validate and be connected or be right and be alone. Validation is about acknowledging the person's experience."

About your guest

John has an extensive history working with and supporting individuals and couples since completing his Bachelor of Social Work in 1988 and later a Masters in Gestalt Therapy and certification in Gottman Couples Therapy.

John is one of the first two Certified Gottman Couple Therapists in Australia -

and only two Australians to hold the title of Certified Gottman Couple Therapist, Advanced Clinical Trainer and Consultant.

Not only does John provide the accredited training for all of the Gottman Levels in Australia, he also facilitates many other trainings to professionals, key note speaking to groups as well as being a co author of '365 Simple Ideas to Improve your Relationship'

John regularly has clients seek his services from all around the world.

Resources

Gottman card deck app - on smartphone

Books

7 principles to make marriage work by John Gottman

8 Dates book

John Gottman, PhD and Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD. Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Emily Nagoski

Fight Right How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman and Dr. John Gottman

https://www.youtube.com/@TheGottmanInstitute

Contact

https://www.burleighheadspsychology.com.au/

https://relationshipinstitute.com.au/

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Understanding Depression: Men's Mental Health with Therapist Simon Rinne

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode of This Complex Life, I chat with Simon Rinne, a lived experience therapist who specialises in men's mental health. Simon shares his personal story with obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety, and burnout, offering a unique perspective on the challenges men face when dealing with mental health issues. Simon and I explore how depression differs between men and women, societal and cultural factors, and the importance of supportive environments.

Key Topics Discussed:

1. Simon's personal journey with mental health and his passion for helping others.

2. Differences in how depression manifests in men and women.

3. Societal and cultural influences on men's mental health.

4. Common signs and symptoms of depression in men.

5. Barriers men face in seeking help and how to encourage them to seek support.

6. The impact of depression on daily life, relationships, and family dynamics.

7. Practical strategies for couples to support each other through mental health challenges.

1. Simon on societal expectations for men:

- "Thinking back to those days, the keywords that come up for me, particularly for guys, is the suck it up, you know, culture in Australia."

2. Simon on the role of anger in men's depression:

- "Anger is the one that comes to mind and, you know, whether it's family, domestic violence, or it's just, they just feel angry with the world. Maybe they're having workplace issues or relationship issues and anger is, is, is the culturally accepted way that guys know how to deal with this stuff."

3. Simon on the importance of finding the right therapist:

- "Whenever I speak to someone, I say interview your therapist or do some research on your therapist before you go in there. Because if you go in there, oh, there's a psychologist, or they're a mental health social worker or counsellor, whoever, and they're not interested in male depression, why are you in there?"

Follow Simon Rinne:

- Website: https://mindful-men.com.au)

- Mindful Men Podcast: Available on all major podcast platforms.

Get the full show notes and transcript here

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Intro- Mens Health Month

Tue, 04 Jun 2024 06:30:00 +1000

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Understanding Addiction. Coping Strategies and Sober Dating Tips

Thu, 23 May 2024 06:30:00 +1000

If you've ever wondered about the real reasons behind addiction or how to navigate social pressures around alcohol, this episode is for you. In this episode, I chat with Tara Herster, a psychologist specialising in addiction and substance use. Tara breaks down common myths about addiction and offers practical strategies for managing substance use, dealing with social pressures, and exploring sober dating. Her insights challenge the traditional views on addiction and provide a fresh perspective on coping mechanisms and building authentic connections without relying on substances.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

Understanding Addiction Beyond the Myths
Addiction isn't about weakness or moral failure; it's often a coping mechanism.
Tara's path from high school to addiction specialist.
Addiction Isn't a Disease
Addiction as a learned behaviour for dealing with stress.
Tara's experiences in an inpatient psychiatric hospital.
Practical Strategies for Managing Substance Use
The HALT method: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (plus Hydrated and Health).
“Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
Navigating Social Pressures Around Alcohol
Strategies for handling social pressures.
“I appreciate, I’m just not drinking today,” or “I’ve got antibiotics.”
Sober Dating: Building Authentic Connections
Tips for dating without alcohol.
The FRIES acronym: Freely Given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.
“You attract what you put out,” and “Building connections without substances can lead to more authentic relationships.”
The Sober Curious Movement
Exploring life without alcohol.
The trend among younger generations.

Quotes from the Episode:

Tara Hurster:
“Anytime we are engaging in something that we don’t necessarily want to do though we just find ourselves doing it in a mindless way it’s because of HALT.”
“Addiction is not an illness. It's not a weakness. It's not a disease. It is something that people have learned how to most effectively and most efficiently solve the problem of their experience.”

Resources Mentioned:

Alcohol and Drug Information Service: 1800 250 015, ADIS Website

Connect with Tara Hurster:

Website: Tara Clinic
Instagram: @taraHurster

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share it with your friends. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful conversations on This Complex Life.

Get the full transcript here

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Help. My teens aren't interested in me. What do I do?

Thu, 09 May 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode, I address a heartfelt question from a listener, a 62-year-old father who feels disconnected from his teenage daughters. He is eager to understand their changing interests and how to maintain a meaningful relationship despite feeling sidelined. I provide insights into adolescent development, effective communication strategies without emotional pressure, and the importance of evolving from a managerial to a consultant role in parenting.

Themes:

Adolescent Development: Understanding the normal shifts in behaviour and interests as teenagers seek independence and form their own identities.
Effective Communication: Strategies for engaging teenagers in a way that fosters connection rather than conflict, including the use of open-ended questions and avoiding criticism.
Parental Role Adaptation: Transitioning from manager to consultant

Key Takeaways:

Understanding Adolescence: It's normal for teenagers to seek more peer interaction and explore personal interests as part of their development.
Communication Techniques: Utilising less critical and more curious approaches can help maintain a connection with teenage children.
Role Adjustment: Parents can adapt their roles and approaches as their children grow, moving towards a consultative role that respects the child's growing autonomy.

"As parents, your job shifts from being a manager to a consultant as your child grows." — Marie

"Effective communication is about curiosity, not criticism." — Marie

https://marievakakis.com.au/courses/connected-teens/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

How our mindset impacts how we eat

Thu, 21 Mar 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode of "This Complex Life," I speak with Dr Lucy, We delve into the profound relationship between our mindset, eating habits, and overall well-being. Dr. Lucy, a dedicated medical practitioner and co-founder of Real Life Medicine, sheds light on the importance of understanding the psychology behind our eating patterns and moving beyond diet-centric approaches to foster a life filled with joy, energy, and health.

Whether you're struggling with diet culture, seeking sustainable health solutions, or curious about the psychological aspects of eating, this conversation might be just what you need

Themes:

The Psychology of Eating: Exploring the impact of mindset on our eating habits and how societal pressures and diet culture contribute to our food choices.
Beyond Dieting: A discussion on why focusing solely on weight loss is not the answer and how Real Life Medicine approaches health and well-being.
Empowerment Through Knowledge: Understanding the role of processed foods, stress, and emotional well-being in our health journey.

Key Takeaways:

Mindset Matters: Our psychological state plays a significant role in our eating habits, influencing both our food choices and our relationship with food.
The Fallacy of Diet Culture: Dr. Lucy highlights the limitations of dieting and the importance of focusing on overall health rather than just weight loss.
Navigating Stress and Emotions: The conversation uncovers practical strategies for managing stress and emotional triggers that affect our eating patterns.

Featured Quotes:

"When you understand why you eat, that's the biggest piece of the puzzle." – Dr. Lucy
"Processed food steals the joy of real food." – Dr. Lucy
"Eating is not a team sport; it's an individual pursuit." – Dr. Lucy

About your guest

Dr Lucy is passionate about health. She helps women who have tried every diet under the sun optimise their health and achieve long lasting weight loss by improving metabolism and managing mindset so they can reduce the effects of chronic disease, have more energy and confidence and stop living life on the sidelines.

She was an “expert dieter” and an “expert emotional eater”. She developed obesity, fatty liver and pre-diabetes. As a medical doctor, this was mortifying. She has completely abandoned traditional dieting and embraces a real food lifestyle.

Dr Lucy is a medical doctor, a lifestyle medicine physician, and is trained in many facets of psychological medicine including hypnotherapy.

She runs online holistic health and weight programs with her colleague Dr Mary Barson. They have now helped thousands of women reclaim their health. They are both very real and relatable and embody their company name - Real Life Medicine

Read the full transcript here

Mentioned Links and Resources:

Website https://www.rlmedicine.com/

The 12 week Mind Body Rebalancejoin the wait list

https://www.rlmedicine.com/12WMBR

Free Ebook Weight Loss is all about Hormones

https://www.rlmedicine.com/weightloss-ebook

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/reallifemedicine

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/real_life_medicine/

@real_life_medicine

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

How do I support my daughter through sexual assault without adding to the trauma?

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode, I address a listener's question on how to support a daughter through the trauma of sexual assault with sensitivity and without adding to her burden.

Themes:

Responding to Sexual Assault: Understanding the significance of a supportive response and how it can influence a survivor's recovery journey.
Practical Tips for Support: I discuss tangible steps and strategies for supporting survivors, emphasising autonomy, safe spaces, and the importance of consent even in familial interactions.
Navigating the Healing Process: Insights into the healing journey, acknowledging the uniqueness of each survivor's experience and the importance of patience and personal care in recovery.

Key Takeaways:

Believe and Support: The paramount importance of believing the survivor and offering unconditional support, understanding, and empathy.
Empowering Autonomy: Strategies to empower survivors by offering choices and respecting their autonomy in the healing process.
Self-care for Supporters: The necessity for supporters to seek their own support, recognising the impact of secondary trauma and ensuring they are well-equipped to provide sustained assistance.

Featured Quotes:

"Your support is crucial, and you can support them by believing them, being a good listener, and never blaming them." – Marie Vakakis
"Approach with care and allow as much autonomy and choice as you can." – Marie Vakakis
"Listen actively and with empathy, allowing her to express thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment." – Marie Vakakis

Mentioned Links and Resources:

1-800-RESPECT: A national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service for Australians.
https://aifs.gov.au/resources/resource-sheets/mandatory-reporting-child-abuse-and-neglect
https://fullstop.org.au/get-help/our-services

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Growing Yourself Up with Dr Jenny Brown

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 06:30:00 +1000

In today’s episode, I dive deep into the heart of self-growth and relationships with the return of esteemed guest, Dr. Jenny Brown.

Join us as we explore her work on emotional maturity, based on her book, "Growing Yourself Up. How to Bring Your Best to All of Life's Relationships"

Together, we uncover the nuanced ways our personal development influences and is influenced by our relationships. Dr. Brown shares enlightening insights into achieving autonomy while fostering meaningful connections, grounding her discussion in both personal experiences and Bowen Family Systems Theory. This conversation is a

must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate the complexities of self and relationships with grace and wisdom.

Themes:

Self-Growth and Relationships: We delve into the symbiotic relationship between individual growth and our interactions with others, shedding light on the crucial role of self-awareness.
Bowen Family Systems Theory: Dr. Brown demystifies this theory, making it accessible and highlighting its significance across the various stages of adult life.
Navigating Autonomy and Connection: A closer look at finding balance between independence and relational ties, and the continuous journey towards maturity.

Key Takeaways:

The Journey of Self-Reflection: Understanding our impact within relationships is key to our personal and relational growth.
Lifelong Maturity: Dr. Brown reminds us that maturity is not a destination but a journey, offering growth opportunities at every life stage.
Strategies for Family Dynamics: Practical advice on maintaining one’s self in the midst of family pressures, particularly during festive seasons.

Mentioned Links and Resources:

Growing Yourself Up by Dr. Jenny Brown – A key resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of themselves and their relationships through the lens of family systems theory.
Past interview with Dr Jenny Brown - Episode 78 https://marievakakis.com.au/building-stronger-parent-child-relationships-a-conversation-with-jenny-brown/

About your guest Jenny Brown

Dr Jenny Brown has been working in the field of child and family mental health and family therapy since the 1980’s. She has been a trainer and supervisor in the field in Australia and internationally for over 20 years. Jenny is Emeritus Executive Director of the Family Systems Institute Sydney, which she co-founded in 2004. She currently directs the Family Systems Practice and the Parent Hope Project (manualized interventions in child mental health). She is a clinical member and supervisor for the Australian Association of Family Therapy and, in 2018, received the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy award for distinguished contribution to family therapy in Australia. In 2022 she received the annual research award from Bowen Centre for the Study of the Family in Washington DC.

Connect with Jenny

parenthopeproject.com.au;

thefsi.com.au

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Navigating ADHD Coaching vs Therapy

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, the tables have turned as Jodi Green interviews me, discussing some of the differences between coaching and therapy.

Key Insights:

Coaching vs. Therapy: We discuss the distinctions between coaching and therapy in supporting folk with ADHD. We explore the differences and similarities
Impact on Relationships: Addressing the ripple effects of ADHD on personal connections. From executive functioning challenges to time blindness and rejection sensitivity, we explore how these factors can influence the dynamics of relationships.
Trial and Error in Therapy: Embracing the journey of self-discovery and experimentation. Highlighting the importance of building trust, recognising individual needs, and fostering a supportive environment for clients to voice their preferences.

About your guest

Jodi Green

''I believe in people with ADHD. I am here to be your coach and cheerleader as you find the sweet spot in your life, with ADHD in the mix. I am a certified ADHD Life Coach, and over the last 6 years I've helped hundreds of people living with ADHD. Personal and professional experience mean I know it's not easy, but I think I've figured out the perfect mix of support and coaching (IMHO!). If you are willing to believe in yourself, and want a partner to walk with you along the weekly ups and downs towards your goals, I'm your girl.''

https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/

Connect with Marie

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What's an ADHD coach with Jodi Green _ ADHD part 1

Thu, 09 Nov 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode of This Complex Life, I talk with Jodi Green, an ADHD coach about ADHD, the impact it can have on relationships and strategies for managing it.

Key Takeaways:

Jodi Green emphasises that ADHD coaching is not about forcing someone into doing hard things; it's more about making tasks achievable and finding strategies to make them more interesting or easier.
Tipping points in life, such as transitions from high school to university or entering the workforce, can trigger a need for new strategies to cope with changing structures.
Many women get diagnosed later in life, often due to shifting structures like motherhood, we discuss the importance of being open to exploring how tasks can be made more manageable.
ADHD affects executive functions, such as planning, organising, and time management, which can lead to various challenges in daily life. These challenges are unique to each individual with ADHD.
The impact of undiagnosed ADHD can lead to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and internalised negative beliefs. Diagnosis can provide clarity and understanding, allowing individuals to reframe their experiences.
Rejection sensitivity is common in people with ADHD, and it can affect relationships. Understanding that emotional reactions are often related to ADHD symptoms can help partners provide support and empathy.
Effective communication in relationships involves recognising the root causes of behaviours related to ADHD. It's important to avoid the parent-child dynamic and instead focus on collaborative problem-solving.
ADHD can lead to hyperfixation on certain tasks or interests. While some tasks may be less enjoyable, Jodi suggests finding ways to make them more engaging or outsourcing them.
Jodi recommends that adults who suspect they have ADHD seek a diagnosis through a psychologist or psychiatrist. Don't hesitate to seek a second opinion.
The transition from high school to college or the workforce can be a tipping point for individuals with ADHD, as structures change, and new challenges emerge.
Coaching can be a valuable resource for adults with ADHD, helping them identify strategies and solutions tailored to their unique challenges.
In seeking a coach, it's essential to look for professionals who have received specific ADHD coaching training and, if possible, are members of the International Coach Federation (ICF) to ensure ethical standards.

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

Connect with Jodi

https://www.adhd-id.com.au/adhd-coach-melbourne/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Mini episode: Why Won't My Teen Talk To Me?

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 06:30:00 +1000

When was the last time you felt like your teen just wasn't listening to you? It can be incredibly frustrating, especially when you're trying to help or guide them. In this episode, I’m tackling one of the most common questions parents ask: Why doesn’t my teen listen to me anymore?

We’ll explore three common reasons this happens and how you can shift your approach to improve communication. From offering advice at the right time, to balancing feedback with encouragement, and understanding how their brain is wired differently as they grow, I share some practical tips you can use to foster a better connection with your teen.

Key Takeaways:

Advice overload: Teens often resist advice if they haven’t been heard first. Phrases like “you should” or “if you just” can shut down communication before it starts.
Empathy first: Acknowledge their emotions and give them space to explore solutions before jumping in with your own suggestions.
Balancing feedback: If your conversations are mainly requests or corrections (like chores), your teen may feel unseen or criticised. Be mindful to balance this with recognising their efforts and strengths.
Brain changes: As teens grow, their brains respond more to external voices and new stimuli. It’s not personal, but it does mean you might need to adjust how you grab their attention.
Positive reinforcement: Compliments on things outside of chores, like their loyalty to friends or efforts in school, can make everyday requests feel less critical.
Timing matters: Suggesting a break or circling back to a conversation later can give your teen the space they need to process without feeling overwhelmed.

Resources:

If you missed it, check out yesterday’s episode on Why won’t my teen talk to me after school? for more insights on teen communication.

Join me tomorrow as I answer the question: Why doesn’t my teen want to spend time with the family?

It’s an important one, so stay tuned!

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Mini series: Why won’t my teen talk to me after school?

Sun, 22 Oct 2023 06:30:00 +1000

As a parent, it can be frustrating when your teen walks through the door after school, and your questions about their day are met with silence, eye rolls, or a quick retreat to their bedroom. In this mini episode of This Complex Life, I talk about why teens often shut down after a long day at school and how you can create space for connection without overwhelming them.

Teens are navigating a lot at school noise, changing classes, social interactions, and often long public transport rides home. By the time they walk through the door, they’re often overstimulated and in need of some serious downtime. In this episode, I share tips on how to approach your teen in a way that respects their need to decompress while also maintaining a strong connection.

Key Takeaways:

After a long, busy day, teens often feel overstimulated and need time to decompress before they're ready to engage in conversation.
Instead of asking “How was your day?” right away, try greeting them with a simple “Nice to see you,” and allow some time for them to unwind.
It’s okay to give your teen space after school and reconnect with them later when they’re more relaxed.
Being specific about their interests (like asking about a sports game or a friend) might get a better response than general questions about school.
Remember, even after-school activities can add to their mental load, so they might not be ready to talk until after dinner.
Every teen is different; while some might enjoy chatting right away, others will appreciate the time to relax first.

By giving your teen the space they need after a long day, you’ll find it easier to connect when they’re ready. Join me tomorrow for the next mini-episode, where I’ll talk about “Why Doesn’t My Teen Listen to Me Anymore?”

The Get Ready for Therapy Journal Here https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Submit a question to the Podcast

https://forms.gle/nvNQyw9gJXMNnveY6

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Parents feeling rejected by their teens.

Fri, 20 Oct 2023 06:30:00 +1000

I speak about some of the unique challenges parents often face as their children transition into their teenage years. This phase can be a time of perceived rejection as teens assert their independence, leaving parents feeling less needed.

Key takeaways:

Understanding the Transition:

Adolescence marks a significant shift from childhood to the teenage years, accompanied by changes in friendship groups and the move to high school.
Teens naturally seek independence and autonomy as they explore their identities, often making parents feel rejected or unneeded.

Shifting Roles:

Parents must recognise the change from a "manager" role to a "consultant." Your position description evolves, but you remain a crucial part of your teen's life.
Avoid responding as if you've been "fired" from your role. Instead, consider how you can adapt to this new position as a consultant.

Managing Your Reactions:

Reflect on how you respond to situations that might feel like rejection. Identify the specific triggers and your emotional reactions, such as sadness, loneliness, or frustration.
Avoid projecting your hurt onto your teen. Be aware that your emotions are shaped by your interpretation of their actions.

Open and Honest Communication:

Use clear, non-judgmental language to express your desire for connection. Instead of passive-aggressive comments, be direct about your wishes.

Modelling Accountability:

Apologise and take responsibility for your reactions when you react poorly to a situation.
Encourage your teen to communicate their feelings without feeling responsible for your emotions.

Addressing Hurtful Comments:

When your teen makes hurtful comments, such as "I hate you," try to identify the underlying emotion, like disappointment or anger.
Address the specific emotion rather than justifying your actions. Show understanding and empathy.

Setting Boundaries:

Establish healthy boundaries to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Clearly communicate what you can and can't do to manage your time and commitments.
Teach your teen the importance of setting boundaries by respecting their limits as well.

Prioritising Self-Care:

Self-care is essential to maintaining your well-being and role-modeling emotional resilience.
Demonstrating your ability to handle ups and downs calmly and collectedly can positively impact your teen's emotional development.

Remember, it takes a calm brain to calm a brain.

By focusing on understanding, empathy, and effective communication, you can navigate the challenges of this phase with your teenager while maintaining a strong and supportive relationship.

Get the full transcript here

Connected Teens on sale NOW

https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Get the free ebook

https://marievakakis.com.au/my-teen-wont-talk-to-me/

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book your spot now

Grab your ticket to Connected Teens --> https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Dealing with rejection. Part 1

Thu, 12 Oct 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, we delve into a complex and deeply human emotion: rejection. It's a feeling that touches all of us at some point or another, and it's something that we all need to navigate.

Key Takeaways:

Rejection is a normal feeling. It's often closely associated with sadness
Rejection can show up following a range of situations from not getting a job to the end of a relationship, and it can be emotionally crushing.
Our core beliefs and self-esteem play a pivotal role in how we process and respond to rejection.
Rejection can also impact our self-esteem - the two can be closely linked
Our brains don't like ambiguity, so they create stories to fill in the gaps when we face rejection. These stories can perpetuate negative beliefs about ourselves.
How we respond to rejection can have a profound impact on our relationships and mental health.
We're hardwired for connection, and our brains interpret rejection as physical pain. This explains why rejection can feel so agonizing.
Some individuals have heightened sensitivities to rejection, which can stem from early experiences or conditions like ADHD.
Rejection can lead to a sense of learned helplessness, which can further damage our self-esteem

In part one of this two-part series, we've explored the nuances of rejection and its profound impact on our lives. We've uncovered how our core beliefs, self-esteem, and responses play a role in how we experience rejection. Stay tuned for part two, where we delve into the complexities of rejection in parenting, particularly during the challenging transition from childhood to adolescence.

Mentioned in this episode:

Book your spot now

Grab your ticket to Connected Teens --> https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships: A Conversation with Jenny Brown

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Jenny Brown, who has developed a project aimed at supporting parents in navigating the challenges of parenting adolescents.

I first came across Jenny in my family therapy studies, and her work has left a lasting impression on me. Her dedication to understanding and helping parents in their journey of raising kids and teenagers has been influential in my own work as a family therapist.

Throughout our discussion, we touched upon various aspects of parenting during the adolescent years. Jenny shares her expertise and offers valuable insights and guidance on improving parent-child relationships.

Key takeaways

Background and Project: Jenny Brown discusses how the Parent Hope Project is rooted in her earlier article, "We Don't Need Your Help But Can You Please Fix Our Children?" She emphasises the importance of involving parents in therapy, as the parent-child relationship is a crucial part of the therapeutic process.

Communication and Tone: Jenny and I talk about the importance of effective communication between parents and adolescents. We highlight the significance of shifting from a controlling or passive-aggressive tone to one that encourages open dialogue and collaboration.

Empathy and Understanding: The conversation emphasises the importance of empathy for parents and young people. Understanding the challenges and mixed messages that adolescents often convey and how parents can navigate some of these difficult conversations

Making a Project out of Yourself: Jenny advises parents to shift their focus from trying to change their child to making a project out of themselves. This means being aware of their emotional tone, adjusting their communication, and allowing their child space to grow and develop their own identity.

About Jenny

parenthopeproject.com.au;

thefsi.com.au;

https://www.cambridgescholars.com/product/978-1-5275-1748-6

25% Discounted Code: PROMO25

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Book your spot now

Grab your ticket to Connected Teens --> https://marievakakis.com.au/connected-teens/

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

What to expect when you start therapy

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode, I explore the importance of preparing for therapy and what to expect. This podcast episode emphasises the importance of preparing for therapy by clarifying goals and expectations. It debunks common therapy myths, offers strategies to manage pre-session anxiety, and highlights the significance of building trust and effective communication with a therapist for a successful therapeutic journey.

Before booking your first session, it's helpful to consider what you want to achieve through therapy. This clarity can help you choose the right therapist and focus your efforts effectively.

Questions to Reflect On:

Why Are You Seeking Therapy Now? Understanding the trigger for seeking therapy can provide valuable context for your sessions.
What Are Your Hopes and Expectations? Define what you want to achieve through therapy and discuss these expectations with your therapist.
What Goals Do You Want to Work On? Identify specific behaviours or changes you'd like to see in your life.
Managing Pre-Session Anxiety: It's common to feel nervous before your first therapy session. You can prepare by reflecting on your feelings and using resources like workbooks to structure your thoughts.

Common Myths About Therapy:

Myth 1: Believing that nothing can help your problems is limiting. Therapy can shed light on patterns and beliefs that impact your life.

Myth 2: Expecting others to change without considering your role in relationships is unproductive. Therapy often involves self-awareness and personal growth

Building Trust with Your Therapist: Trust in therapy is a two-way street. Communicate openly with your therapist about your needs, challenges, and preferences. It's essential to feel comfortable and aligned with your therapist's approach.
Effective Communication with Your Therapist: Establish a communication style that suits you. Whether it's sharing feedback, asking questions, or requesting specific support, open dialogue can enhance your therapeutic experience.

Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and finding the right therapist for you is essential. If you ever feel uncomfortable or that your therapist isn't a good fit, it's okay to explore other options.

Get in touch with Marie contact@marievakakis.com.au

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/the-journal-pdf/

Get the journal

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

R U OK? Day Special: Talking About Suicide and Mental Health

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In this podcast episode, I'm addressing the significance of "R U OK? Day," which falls on September 14th. This day serves as a reminder to discuss mental health and suicide prevention. I talk briefly about the history of R U OK? Day and its transformation into a vital social movement dedicated to preventing suicides.

Throughout the episode, I share some statistics related to suicide in Australia and the importance of sensitive language when discussing this topic. I debunk some common myths about suicide, such as the misconception that people who talk about it are merely seeking attention. I also stress that suicides often come with warning signs, and they can affect anyone, not just those with diagnosed mental illnesses.

Here are four essential tips for engaging in conversations about suicide:

Direct Communication: Approach someone you suspect may be struggling with suicidal thoughts with clear and direct questions. Ask if they're having thoughts of ending their life. Avoid vague or judgmental language.
Provide Support: If the person admits to having suicidal thoughts, work together to keep them safe. Connect them with appropriate professional help, such as a GP or a suicide hotline.

Follow Up: After initial contact with professional help, check in with the individual. Show that you care and want to support them through their journey.

Normalise Conversations: Encourage open discussions about mental health and suicide prevention. Seek out resources and training programs to improve your communication skills in this crucial area.

Remember that your support as a compassionate friend can make a significant difference. Suicide knows no boundaries, and the more comfortable we become with these conversations, the better equipped we are to help those in need.

For additional resources and training programs, please refer to the links and information provided below.

Resources

https://www.ruok.org.au/

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

https://mhfa.com.au/

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Finding your values with Patch Callahan

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 00:00:00 +1000

In this episode of "This Complex Life," I interview Patch Callahan, a clinical psychologist, to explore the concept of values and their importance in therapy, specifically in the context of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Patch provides insights into the difference between values and goals, as well as practical tips on defining and living your values.

The conversation in this episode delves into the challenges of discovering and living by one's values, including how to handle discomfort, make decisions, and find psychological flexibility. Patch Callahan's insights provide a valuable guide for those looking to explore and learn about themselves.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding Values vs. Goals: Patch distinguishes between values and goals. Values are the underlying principles that guide our behaviour and choices, while goals are specific achievements or targets. Values provide the "why" behind our actions, giving them deeper meaning. Values are the deeply held principles and beliefs that guide our actions, behaviours, and decisions. They represent what is meaningful and important to us and serve as a compass for living an authentic and fulfilling life.
Importance of Values: Identifying and living according to our values can lead to a more purposeful and fulfilling life. It helps us make choices aligned with our true desires, fostering authenticity and satisfaction.
Defining Your Values:
Start by considering various life domains, such as family, relationships, work, health, and leisure.
Reflect on what is genuinely important to you within each domain, drilling down to specific values.
Aim to narrow down your values to a manageable handful, around 5 or 6, that resonate deeply with you and activate a sense of purpose.
Challenges in Identifying Values: Some people may struggle to discern their values. It's essential to explore, experiment, and learn through trial and error, seeking professional guidance if needed.

Three Tips to Define Your Values:

Reflect on Life Domains: Consider different aspects of your life, such as family, relationships, work, health, and leisure, and identify what matters most to you within each domain.
Drill Down to Specific Values: Delve deeper within each domain to identify specific values that resonate with you. For example, within the family domain, you might value connection, vulnerability, or reliability.
Narrow Down to a Handful: Aim to narrow down your values to around 5 or 6 that feel deeply meaningful and guide your actions. These values should be tangible and connect with your desired future.

Importance of Defining Your Values: Identifying your values is crucial because they provide a clear sense of purpose and direction in life. Living according to your values fosters authenticity, helps you make choices aligned with your true desires, and leads to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. It allows you to navigate challenges and make decisions that resonate with your core beliefs and principles.

Resources

Bulls eye activity

Get in touch with Patch

https://actofliving.com.au/our-team/patch-callahan/

Connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Complaining is bad for your brain

Mon, 21 Aug 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In today's episode, I talk about complaining and how we address problems.

Complaining is not great for our mental health and wellbeing. It can create a habit in our brain to focus on negative things. It can also impact relationships.

Main Talking Points:

Complaining vs. Stating Facts: Often, we don't realise we're complaining when we think we're just stating facts or observations. This can lead us to believe our complaints are justified when in reality, they're often just negative thoughts in disguise.

Impact on Relationships: Frequent complaining can damage relationships and create a negative atmosphere. Recognising that what we express affects those around us is essential to maintaining healthy interactions.

Shifting Focus to Positives: Our brains are wired to seek out danger and negatives as a survival mechanism. However, constantly focusing on the negative can lead to finding more things that go wrong and that are negative. It's like we’re looking out for them

Embracing the analogy of "having a pony and needing to shovel shit" can help us reframe problems. Just as having a pony brings responsibilities, many good things come with challenges that need to be addressed.

Circle of Control or circle of influence: Understanding the concept of the "Circle of Control" can guide us in distinguishing what we can control, influence, or have no control over. This perspective helps us allocate our energy wisely and respond more thoughtfully to situations.

Remember, we all have the choice to decide what we focus on and how we respond. By becoming more mindful of our thoughts and expressions, we can reshape our mindset and approach to problems, ultimately improving our wellbeing and relationships.

connect with Marie

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/

https://marievakakis.com.au/

https://www.instagram.com/marievakakis/

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Why do some people avoid couples therapy?

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 06:30:00 +1000

Why do some people avoid couples therapy?

In this episode, Belinda and I talk about fears and hesitation surrounding couples therapy. We discuss stigmas and misconceptions that prevent people from seeking the help they need to nurture and grow their relationships.

In this episode

Belinda and I discuss the value of couples therapy
We talk about how to find the right therapist who can work with the specific challenges faced within your relationship.
We discussed ways of navigating challenging conversations.
We talk about the importance of being curious rather than critical during difficult discussions.
The role of individual therapy and how it can complement couples therapy

About Belinda Gibson

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.

Blog post mentioned

https://thetherapyhub.com.au/is-it-too-late-for-couples-therapy-5-benefits-of-couples-therapy/

Connect with Marie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

Understanding EMDR Therapy with Caroline Burrows

Thu, 03 Aug 2023 06:30:00 +1000

What is EMDR Therapy

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with Accredited Mental Health Social Worker and EMDR Therapy Trainer Caroline Burrows.

Caroline and I discuss the use of EMDR therapy and how we use it to support folks with traumatic experiences and difficult memories

Understanding EMDR Therapy?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It's a type of psychological therapy that activates the brain's natural healing capacity to overcome painful life experiences that keep impacting us.

The EMDR Process.

EMDR therapy can be broken down into eight phases, starting from building a strong therapeutic relationship to preparing the person for the processing of traumatic or negative memories and experiences. EMDR Therapy aims to help individuals gain control over distressing experiences, making them less vivid, reducing attached emotions, and changing the way they think about the events.

EMDR therapy isn't a one-size-fits-all solution.

The number of sessions and techniques used varies from person to person based on their needs and the complexity of their experiences. It's about finding the best fit for each individual.

Resource Building

Caroline highlights the importance of resource building. This phase involves equipping the person with coping skills and confidence both during and outside of EMDR sessions. These resources help them manage any emotional processing that continues after therapy.

Key Takeaways:

EMDR therapy activates the brain's natural healing to overcome painful experiences.
The therapy is personalised, with no fixed number of sessions.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and advocate for yourself during therapy sessions.
Resource building is essential to support clients in their healing journey.
EMDR Therapy can benefit individuals dealing with trauma, depression, anxiety, and more.

Bids for connection

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 15:15:00 +1000

In this episode I’ll be talking about Bids for Connection, those small gestures that can make or break a relationship. From couples to parents and teenagers, we'll explore the importance of responding positively to these bids with kindness and love to create stronger connections and build trust.

Research has shown that a healthy relationship can have significant positive effects on our mental and physical health, while unhealthy relationships can have a negative impact on our mental and physical health.

One to build strong connections in intimate relationships is by using bids for connection.

Bids for Connection are little actions or communications used by someone to establish or maintain a connection with another person. They can be obvious or subtle, spoken or unspoken.

I share the three common ways people respond to bids

Turning Towards, Turning Away, and Turning Towards Unkindly

and why it's essential to be mindful of our reactions.

Key Takeaways:

Recognising bids for connection fosters emotional intimacy and trust.
Responding positively to bids creates a nurturing and supportive relationship environment.
Missed bids can lead to emotional distance, conflict, and feelings of loneliness.
Repairing missed bids involves acknowledging the oversight and making an effort to reconnect.
Building strong relationships with teenagers involves turning towards their bids, even when they seem negative or hostile.

Remember, the quality of our relationships greatly influences our overall wellbeing. So let's start paying attention

Connect with Marie

Mentioned in this episode:

Join me live Jan 28th for the Relationship New Year Reset https://marievakakis.com.au/relationship-new-year-reset-2026/

I'm just not good enough

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 06:30:00 +1000

In this episode of This Complex Life, I sit down with psychologist Belinda Gibson for a candid conversation about the pressures of perfectionism and the pervasive feeling of not being good enough. We share insights from our client work and personal experiences, discussing how this belief can impact relationships and self-esteem without us even realising it. Join us as we explore ways to recognise and address these feelings, and learn how to engage in meaningful conversations with friends and family.

Where do our feelings of "Not Feeling Good Enough" come from? We discuss how this belief is learned over time and becomes a strong, almost inherent feeling.
Unpacking Shoulds: We talk about how the use of "shoulds" in language can indicate feelings of failure and not being good enough. We delve into how these internal judgments manifest in day-to-day life.
The Pressure to Be Perfect: We discuss the societal expectation that we must excel in something to enjoy it fully, and how this belief stifles exploration and playfulness.
Shame and Growth: We explore how shame can hinder our growth mindset, making it difficult to embrace vulnerability and learn new skills.
Seeking Support: We talk about the importance of self-compassion and finding safe spaces and people to share our vulnerabilities and growth journeys.

Key Takeaways:

The "not good enough" feeling can appear in various aspects of life, affecting our choices and behaviours.
Societal expectations of perfectionism can hinder our enjoyment of activities we might otherwise find pleasurable.
Shame linked to inadequacy can impede personal growth and learning new skills.
Fear of rejection may lead to avoiding tough conversations, affecting genuine connections.
Seeking support and finding safe spaces for self-exploration can be instrumental in untangling the "not good enough" feeling.

Belinda also works as a consultant to various academic and medical organisations, facilitating reflective group practice, training workshops and supervision.