Three Bean Salad

Vitamins

Wed, 15 Apr 2026 01:15:00 +0100

Josh of Deep South Texas brings the beans (via the bean machine) the topic of vitamins this week. Perfect timing as this week sees the launch of Three Bean Salad’s Vita-Plex injections for glossier skin and lukewarmer banter. For just 99.99.99 in any currency of your choice you can receive bi-weekly* intravenous pints of Vita-Plex. Vita-Plex contains an unique blend of vitamins, minerals and matter tested by “scientists” who promise they’ve done their own research and that’s the Three Bean Salad guarantee!!!

*whether you interpret this as twice a week or once every two weeks will have no bearing on pricing or clinical impact.

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With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Show Us Your Onions

Wed, 08 Apr 2026 01:15:00 +0100

The Moon landings. The fall of the Berlin Wall. The conviction of Al Capone. Everyone remembers exactly where they were when the news broke of these landmark moments in history. Well get memorising your surroundings people because it’s about to happen again. That’s right. None of your common-or-garden bean-machine-spewed topics this week. Oh no. Prepare to drink in a world first and please welcome the inaugural episode of a podcast format that takes The Rule Book, tears it to shreds then pickles it to prevent spoilage in case it turns out we need it later after all - it’s “Show us your onions!”.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Saints

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 01:15:00 +0100

This week the Bean Machine stopped weeping tears of fresh, semi-skimmed milk for the first time in four years and spat out the topic of saints as submitted by Nathan of Bristol. Which cosmic force acted through Nathan to prompt his submission we cannot know. Nor indeed is it clear if this is the only time Nathan has been used as a sacred conduit or if it occurs frequently. If the latter, is Nathan aware of what is happening? And is he using it for good or is he diverting this otherworldly force for things like avoiding traffic jams and making meringues with lovely, stiff peaks? Sounds like it’s time for an investigation by the Bishop of Bristol, P.I.!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Moving House

Wed, 25 Mar 2026 01:30:00 +0100

What truly separates mankind from other species is our irrepressible urge to shove things that are far bigger than the aperture of our dwellings into our dwellings. Some members of mankind will, at points in their lives, increase the size of their dwellings or move to bigger dwellings, but it is implicitly understood that the aperture into this dwelling must remain the same size so that oversized objects can still be acquired and shoved through it, thus sating mankind’s purest impulse. Perhaps Roy of Spalding is, as we speak, proudly and sweatily draped across a big thing he has freshly shoved into his own dwelling. Perhaps he is lodged between his front door frame and the arm rest of a sumptuous leather sofa. Either way what is on his mind is moving house and that is this week’s (perpetually relevant) topic for the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The Olympics

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 01:15:00 +0100

Charlie of Loughborough feeds The Olympics into the bean machine for this week’s lukewarm topic. Any of Henry, Mike or Ben could definitely have been a gold medal winning olympian if they’d only had the right opportunities, encouragement, childhood pets, funding, early surgical interventions, talent profile, genetic modification and work ethic so this is a subject close to their hearts.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Chickens

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 01:15:00 +0100

The chicken. Tuna Of The Fields. The Bishop’s Rest. The Pauper’s Goose. Captain Susan’s Seed Hoover. El Punzón Que Vuela. The Crap Eagle. That it goes by so many names is, perhaps, proof of its profound impact on our culture through the ages. Katherine of Boston can surely be forgiven then for selecting chickens as this week’s topic for the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The Coastguard

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 01:15:00 +0100

The coastguard is this week’s topic at the behest of Cat of Ontario, Canada. Given the fact that Canada is the nation with the longest coastline in the world perhaps Cat is hoping to find out whether or not Canada also has the longest coastguards? Although, if so, given that Cat is not only from Canada but is also a member of the the Canadian Coastguard, this seems like the sort of thing they could have found out for themselves. But then again maybe that won’t come up.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Road Trips

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 01:45:00 +0100

According to facts there are more roads in the world now than at any point in history: the A49, Route Sixty-Something, Thunder Road etc and so on. Surely, therefore, there is no better time than now to buckle up and listen to a podcast about road trips. Thanks to Josh of Bristol for the topic and remember the rubber don’t burn when the banter’s lukewarm.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Cavemen

Wed, 21 Jan 2026 01:15:00 +0100

The Caveman. Stone Age creature. Witness of the dawn of humanity. He knows only that he must survive and that he must survive only to procreate so that one fine, lukewarm dawn his afterbears might emerge from the cave with enough opposable brain cells to be able to work out how to record a podcast. Thank you to Isaac of London for this crucial topic.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Memory

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 01:15:00 +0100

If a tree fell in the forest and made no sound why do you remember it so clearly? And when was this? Pre-Covid? And what on Earth was Derek doing there? And why does this memory have an original score composed by Sting and is that score what’s muddying the whole “did the tree make a sound” waters in the first place? Thanks to Danielle from The Halifax for selecting this week’s topic - memory. Or was it Daniella from The Horsham?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Bodybuilders

Wed, 07 Jan 2026 01:15:00 +0100

Emily of Oxford tunes in to the vibes of a brand new year and reckons what the world needs to hear about from the beans is bodybuilders. It’s a well judged move and who better to pick the perfectly toned meat off this topic than three men who at any point in their lives could have tried a bit of bodybuilding or read about it or watched a bit on the the telly if they could have been arsed.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Film Corner - Avatar: Fire And Ash

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 01:15:00 +0100

The beans convene an emergency Film Corner to watch James Cameron's latest visit to the alien paradise of Pandora.

Film Corner episodes are usually Patreon-only. To join our Patreon visit http://www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Ratmas 2025

Wed, 24 Dec 2025 01:15:00 +0100

For reasons we can't fully remember, last year at Ratmas-tide we read out 12 rat anecdotes sent in by listeners. Well, it's back again and this time it's live and writhing, like so many rats. Merry Ratmas!

Thanks to our pianist Freddie Tapner and our guest Isy Suttie.

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Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Fest:

Saturday 2nd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-live-at-machfest-2026/

Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/

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Organised Crime

Wed, 17 Dec 2025 01:15:00 +0100

The very latest statistics make it clear that, given the pervasiveness of organised crime worldwide, at least 2 regular listeners of Three Bean Salad must be directly involved in some Mob or other (and most likely at a middle-management level). But who are they? And do they know each other? Are they sworn enemies or, given their shared life experience, might they be able to develop a soul-nourishing friendship if they could only drop the street tough outer crust for 5 ruddy minutes??!! Ta very much to Diogo of Lisbon for gifting this week’s topic to the Bean Machine (which is organised crime obvs).

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sunday 3rd May - https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2026/three-bean-salad-podcast-live-at-machfest-2026/

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Laundry

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 01:15:00 +0100

How and where and why and when and if do you wash your undergarments? Presumably this is a conversation Douglas from Michigan wishes to prompt across the world as he top-loads laundry into the bean machine and sets it to lukewarm without a second thought as to whether or not Bonjo’s in the middle of boil washing his banjo britches.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Neighbours

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 01:15:00 +0100

The beans return refreshed, carefully groomed and oiled in all the right places for a new season of lukewarm banter. First up: neighbours, courtesy of Nicole of Oregon. Tune in for a heady mix of truth bombs and real talk washed down with half a pint of nitty-gritty.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for our live streams for our London tour date: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-6-dec-online/

Bonjo's House Of Pain: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-bonjos-house-of-pain-live-online-stream/

and Ratmas: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-presents-ratmas-live-online-stream/

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For Mike's tour info: www.mrmikewozniak.com

It's November And This Episode Isn't An Episode

Wed, 05 Nov 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December)

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Tickets for our Glasgow show, plus live streams for our London tour date, Bonjo's House Of Pain and Ratmas: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

Fifth Wednesday Pod Replacement Pod

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of mindfulness)

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Town Planning

Wed, 22 Oct 2025 02:15:00 +0100

As our days grow shorter and our ear hair grows longer what better to reflect upon than the righteous placement of bollards and ethical commercial land zoning. Thank you then to Dan from Saint Bremen who has offered up town planning as this week’s source of lukewarm banter. Whatever you think you thought you remembered you knew about town planning, prepare to have a cost-effective, zero-emission, fully-accessible ideas-tramway built right through the middle of it.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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To watch Benjamin's short film, Daddy Superior, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY2xsuHcDkI

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Donkey Milk Soap

Wed, 15 Oct 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Even the most disciplined podcasters in the world are susceptible to the occasional whoopsie. So it is with this episode which, owing to circumstances outside but mostly inside the beans’ control, contains no listener topic suggestion but does contain a discourse on donkey milk soap which probably would have come up from the bean machine soon enough anyway to be fair.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Antarctica

Wed, 08 Oct 2025 01:15:00 +0100

It’s a lukewarm take on the Antarctic this week owing to the actions of Mark from near Colliers Wood. We all know that the Antarctic holds strong appeal for scientists who either A) can’t work out how else to avoid a conventional domestic life or B) are waiting out the clock on a statute of limitations in their home nation. But what on Earth is in it for the penguins? What have they got to prove? And do their feet ever stick to the ice when they have a waddle-pause? Answers on a postcard please and in the meantime enjoy what we assume is a world first: a podcast episode recorded by people actually physically in the same room.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Sunday Roasts

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Lee of the Black Country wants the beans discuss Sunday roasts this week, presumably because he’s not allowed to have one himself this weekend. But why not? Was he rude to a policeman? Did he throw a wobbly when feeling overwhelmed at an unanticipated bridge toll-booth? Has he been telling fibs about Gerard Butler? Either way the beans are happy to oblige and give Lee and you the next best thing audio wise.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Extreme Sports

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 01:15:00 +0100

In WW2 a shortage of materials led to parachute silk often being recycled into knickers and vice versa. In honour of this the beans continue to send their underpants to His Majesty’s Armed Forces today, even in peacetime. But who the blazes is using this precious commodity for recreational purposes and why? Luckily Tom of Bristol has suggested extreme sports as this week’s topic so expect answers within.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Kitchen Gadgets

Wed, 17 Sep 2025 01:15:00 +0100

This week the beans tackle kitchen gadgets thanks to Tymon of Poland. Currently there are no legal restrictions on or requirements for the personal use of vegetable spiralizers in domestic, industrial, galley or toy kitchens. We exist in a legislative black hole so this episode couldn’t be more timely.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Australia

Wed, 10 Sep 2025 01:15:00 +0100

People are known to have travelled from Bristol to Australia and vice versa on various occasions and sometimes more than once. Given these strong links it shouldn’t come as a shock that Loz of Bristol reckons this week’s topic for the beans ought to be Australia. Let’s bean.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Noodles

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Sam of Aurora slung noodles into the bean machine, and the beans attacked it with relish, going deep on the topic in such a way that you'll never look at a noodle, or even tagliatelle, in the same way again. You thought you knew what noodles were, well think on friend. And then think some more, and some more. And you still won't get close to the paradigm-shifting lukewarm power of the beans.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Free Patreon episode - And Then Sparrows Took Their Eyes: Hans The Hedgehog

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 01:15:00 +0100

A freebie Patreon episode to give you a taste of the sort of thing we do over there.

Henry tells Mike and Ben the story of Hans The Hedgehog.

www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

It's August! Non-Ep!

Wed, 06 Aug 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September)

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Fifth Wednesday Not-A-Pod Pod

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we only do four episodes a month because of an EU directive)

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Hiking

Wed, 23 Jul 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Hailey of Guildford offers up hiking as a topic for the beans this week which is nothing to be ashamed of. Just as the cardinal rule of the hiker is to leave no trace of themselves on the landscape, the lukewarm banter of the beans will pass through your mindscape with the firm promise to leave no memorable impression of any kind.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Henry Widdicombe's new comic, How To Survive An Affair: https://goshlondon.com/how-to-survive-an-affair-1/

Gareth Gwynn's show Cyril at the Camden Fringe: https://camdenfringe.com/events/gareth-gwynn-cyril/

Queen Victoria

Wed, 16 Jul 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Queen Vic, Lil’ Drina, Granny Europe, The Windsor Widow, The Saxe-Coburg Slicker, Big Bo Peep. Whatever you call her, Queen Victoria still holds the record for the monarch with the most pubs and Spice Girls named after them. No wonder Pete from Derby wanted a lukewarm lens cast over her - and he knew just the beans for the job.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Archery

Wed, 09 Jul 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Match Of The Day. Big Break. Bullseye. All of the major British sports have been comprehensively covered by television for decades - except archery. Looks like it’s time for the beans to pick up where television couldn’t be arsed. Ta very much to Charis of Los Angeles for this week’s topic (which is archery btw).

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Seagulls

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Dr G has the beans get all lukewarm under the collar about seagulls this week. Voted the animal least likely to be of any use in warfare four years running and Time Magazine’s “Worst Pet Experiment” (2003), the seagull is largely unloved by its human neighbours. Indeed a major survey by Ipsos MORI discovered that 99.23% of seagull based anecdotes cast the seagulls as the villain of the piece (and the remaining 0.77% were believed to be fabricated). Can the beans find an upside to the seagull? Or will its upside simply be covered in the shit from another seagull at higher altitude?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Old Wives' Tales

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 01:15:00 +0100

The presumably unreconstructed Nick of Chicago feeds “Old Wives’ Tales” into the Bean Machine which spew-jects it just at the moment the beans are after a topic so that’s what it is. Is there no such thing as an “Old Husbands’ Tale” because husbands have no tales? Or because they typically die younger and therefore before reaching tale-telling maturity? The beans don’t know and make no effort to go into it whatsoever.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The Sixties

Wed, 18 Jun 2025 01:20:00 +0100

They say if you remember the 60s then you didn’t really do yourself any serious brain damage in the 60s. Perhaps someone in that situation would be well placed to offer some thoughts on arguably the most famous decade of all time. Gabby of Worthing eschews such a source and instead seeks definitive banter on the 60s from the three beans who, between them, own almost one Lovin’ Spoonful CD.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Moths

Wed, 11 Jun 2025 00:52:00 +0100

The beans have avoided it for as long as possible but Roddy of London has spoken and what he spake is “Moths”. This could be a fearsomely difficult listen for anyone with a loathing of moths or this podcast. The beans, however, are inexorably drawn to lukewarm banter just as the badger is drawn to the dual carriageway and so they chat the chat that must finally be chatted.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Wild Camping

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Sean of Exeter kicks off a hot summer of lukewarm banter by suggesting the beans discuss wild camping. Sub-topics could but don’t include how to make a tent out of your own trousers, evading predators by setting them against each other and if “north” is effectively the top of a huge ball, will your compass still work if that ball rolls a bit?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Non-isode

Wed, 07 May 2025 01:16:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).

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Fifth Wednesday back in 10 minutes transmission

Wed, 30 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday April and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for all that is holy)

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The Renaissance

Wed, 23 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

George is a native of Stockport, birthplace of The Renaissance, and so it is little wonder he has chosen that very topic for this week’s episode. Are we on the cusp of another renaissance? Might we be better of with a de-renaissance to make everything simpler just for a bit. It’s chunky fodder to be sure so why not let the beans mince it down smooth for you while you expend your mental energy on inventing whatever it is that will eventually replace the pendulum.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for Henry's work in progress show at Machynlleth Comedy Festival: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2025/henry-paker/

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Music credit courtesy of epidemicsound.com:

Weekly/The Fly Guy Five

Language

Wed, 16 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

Ella from Cambridge but currently in Cuba has offered up language as this week’s topic. Could she have known that the beans would not only take on this crucial subject with rigour and courage but they would use actual language to do so!!!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Ham Salad

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

You will no doubt have a strong opinion on ham. It has been a muse to poets, a justification for war lords, a promise between lovers. It is mankind’s cornerstone. But ham salad? That’s something many of us have never truly got to grips with in theory or practice. Thanks then to Michigan-based wildcard Douglas for giving the beans this urgently needed topic for this week’s episode. Hocks away.

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LONDON: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/guest-event-daddy-superior-and-other-short-films-tickets-1310946258549

MANCHESTER: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/daddy-superior-screening-q-a-with-ben-partridge

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Festivals

Wed, 02 Apr 2025 01:15:00 +0100

It’s Helen of Bristol’s turn to feed the bean machine this week which has led to the topic being festivals. Of course there’s a festival for bloody everything these days and they’re not like they used to be even the ones that didn’t exist previously probably but you can’t even say that in public most likely and so and so forth.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for our tour available at this link from 10am on Friday 4th April 2025: https://littlewander.co.uk/tours/three-bean-salad-podcast/

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The Vikings

Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:57:00 +0100

Evidence that Vikings used toothpicks has been found in Eastern Sweden according to Big Archaeology. And who would dare to disagree with them, let alone needlessly argue the toss just for the sake of it? The beans, that’s who. Maybe be these so called ‘toothpicks’ were in fact used to score games of Nordic cribbage? Maybe they were used to stop complex burgers falling apart? Or maybe they were tiny spears for skewering mini-monks? Either way, ta very much indeed to Ben of Minnesota for selecting Vikings as this week’s topic.

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Gardening

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 01:53:00 +0100

What are the beans really but gardeners of knowledge? For the benefit of all mankind they nurture the seeds of data, strip away the weeds of untruth and, from time to time, obscure everything in a great steaming pile of donkey shit. Thank you then to Matt from Chester-upon-Bremen for choosing the highly apposite topic of gardening for this week’s podcast.

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Tickets for short film screening: https://www.chapter.org/whats-on/spring-comedy-shorts-2025

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Giants

Wed, 12 Mar 2025 01:23:00 +0100

Samuel of 84A High Street chooses giants as this week’s topic and no doubt he has his reasons. Should you wish to know those reasons the beans are unable to help but you could always spend the rest of your days ringing on the doorbell of every 84A High Street on Earth until you track down Samuel so you can ask the man himself unless he’s given us a false name or a false address or has moved during your quest or is simply out.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Space Travel Tourism

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 01:15:00 +0100

What is your council tax liability if you build a holiday bungalow in outer orbit? How would you recycle all that cosmic glassware? And most importantly, would the lukewarm banter of your favourite podcast freeze in the cold void of space? Callum of Oxsted clearly doesn’t know the answers to any of these questions bless him and so has suggested space travel tourism for the first topic of spring. Take it away, beans!

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Anti-episode episode-isode

Wed, 05 Feb 2025 01:00:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March).

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Ticket links for Henry's work-in-progress shows:

https://www.angelcomedy.co.uk/event-detail/henry-paker-illustratinator-wip-thu-3rd-apr-the-bill-murray-london-tickets-202504031830/

https://museumofcomedy.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/873652303

Fifth Wednesday Advice-cast

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 01:15:00 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month out of respect for natural law, magnets and the tides)

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D.I.Y.

Wed, 22 Jan 2025 01:25:45 +0100

Steven of Oslo suggests DIY as the topic for this week’s episode so if you’re looking for the audio equivalent of a double-treaded sub-insulated Type D prog-backed 9mm helix arched reverse spiral pentagonal retaining bolt shackle with adjustable nose you’ve come to the right place.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Guy Fawkes

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 03:01:10 +0100

We will never know if Guy Fawkes’ grim end would have changed had his barrister not gone for the “He only wanted to make the Houses of Parliament lukewarm” defence. Perhaps Mr Fawkes himself would have drawn comfort from the fact that, thanks to Georgia of York, he is now (and for the first time ever presumably) memorialised in podcast form: a medium he could have had no understanding of and likely would have suspected was a concoction of Satan or a Dutch conspiracy.

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Peter Pan

Wed, 08 Jan 2025 01:15:07 +0100

A bean sharp scalpel is applied to a literary classic this week as Robin from Weymouth suggests the topic of Peter Pan. Could we have had Darth Vader without Tinkerbell? Could we have had a robo-handed Luke Skywalker without Captain Hook? Where does Chewbacca fit into all this? Answers on a postcard please.

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The Railway

Wed, 01 Jan 2025 01:10:06 +0100

The railway is this week’s topic thanks to Nick of Kent (which for our international listeners is “The Garden of England” according to Kent. It is also unusual as a county as it categorises each man born in Kent as either a “Kentish Man” or “Man of Kent” depending on which side of the River Medway they were born: a taxonomy which wilfully excludes men who live in Kent but weren’t born there, all women, nonbinary folk, children, etc, you name it. Nigel Farage is originally from Kent) which the beans and especially Mike view in the same way as they might any other county.

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With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Link to Jack's Beans role-playing game: https://pink-soda-books.itch.io/bean-emergency

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Ratmas

Sun, 29 Dec 2024 18:17:03 +0100

To date the indisputable peak of human scientific endeavour has been managing to hide a bonus track on a CD. The natural next summit is to hide a bonus door on an advent calendar. Will we see this achieved in our lifetime? Unlikely. Therefore please console yourselves with this bonus episode of Three Bean Salad, not hidden but visible and available to all. This episode is exclusively dedicated to the extraordinary response to the request for rat based anecdotes. Know then that it is not for the faint hearted or musophobic. Remember that rat stories tend not to have happy endings, morals or transferable learning points for the under 12s. Merry Ratmas!

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Hippos

Wed, 25 Dec 2024 01:15:07 +0100

Tis the Yule and Jacob from Manchester very cannily suggests hippos as this week’s topic. In Aesop’s fable, the hippo is humiliated by being left out of any accounts of the Nativity and, according to Hans Christian Andersen, rather than sharing its feelings with its closest friend, the Little Mermaid, retreats to the Nile and dedicates itself to be able to run faster than you’d think it could. Perhaps by honouring the hippo on this special day we can bring its troubled narrative to a happy close.

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Monuments

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 01:15:06 +0100

Annie of Cork City reckons it’s high time the beans talked monuments and who could argue with that? Tune in for a lukewarm take on this zeitgeistiest of topics which incorporates everything from art to politics to nougat.

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Interior Design

Wed, 11 Dec 2024 01:33:52 +0100

Most of us can only dream of the splendour of the internal spaces occupied by London’s elite. A lucky few might have a neighbour who’s made it big on the pools, bought one of those glossy magazines with photos of a Londoner in their parlour and invited the whole street round to have a squiz. This week on the Three Bean Salad Podcast, the beans are knocking dreams and glossy magazines into cocked hat as their very own topflight Londoner gives the inside scoop on some of his earliest interior design choices. With thanks to Lynne from Highbury (also London of course) for picking interior design as this week’s topic du week (as they say in London one imagines).

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The Netherlands

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 01:15:06 +0100

Steven of Utrecht gets the beans wagging them tongues about the Netherlands to kick the new season off. And why the bloody hell not? After all the beans have all visited that great nation in the past and therefore it’s safe to assume each has taken a deep, deep, deep dive into its history, culture and miscellaneous to the point where an informative yet entertaining conversation will surely be second nature. ¡Feliz cumpleaños!

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Un-episode-isode

Wed, 06 Nov 2024 01:11:23 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December).

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Fifth Wednesday Informationcast

Wed, 30 Oct 2024 01:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday October and we only do four episodes a month - take it up with our lawyer, Julian Calendar)

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Budget Airlines

Wed, 23 Oct 2024 00:15:02 +0100

Put your seat back into the reclining position (but only if you have the express consent of the person behind you who has also ideally reclined their seat with the express consent of the person behind them ad infinitum etc), shove a lukewarm bean in each ear and enjoy a third bean as a mid-flight snack for only €79.99 for Joe from York has suggested budget airlines as this week’s topic. That may mean BYO sandwich, BYO magazine and BYO sick-bag but the lukewarm chat is complementary. Bean voyage.

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Sharks

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 00:12:06 +0100

Dan from Bremen chooses sharks for this week’s topic as well he might. After all, just as the shark is a perfectly evolved apex predator, so is the bean a perfectly evolved apex legume. No one wants three sharks to team up: that would simply lead to a bloodbath. Three beans on the other hand means a lukewarm banter bath and everyone’s invited (special rubber socks will be supplied for those with untreated athlete’s foot or verrucas).

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The Pyramids

Wed, 09 Oct 2024 00:15:01 +0100

True to form, Tutankhamun from the Nile Delta has selected the pyramids as this week’s topic. Were these structures named after the shape or was it the other way around? Were they meant to be that shape in the first place or did they just run out of bricks? If they’ve REALLY been there for thousands of years how come they aren’t totally covered in graffiti tags and pictures of willies and stuff? For answers to all these questions and more why not try Wikipedia or Reddit or something? For a lukewarm take - press play.

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Adverts

Wed, 02 Oct 2024 00:15:02 +0100

Adverts: lifeblood of the nation, engine of the economy, coal of the mind. What could be more splendid then than a podcast episode which already contains adverts also being about adverts? Thank you to Andrew from Leeds for feeding this suggestion into the bean machine for a listening experience which flicks a cold, hard finger-swear at the skip-forwards-by-30-seconds button.

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Pasta

Wed, 25 Sep 2024 00:10:01 +0100

It’s drive time on Bean FM and this week the lukewarm hits are in the key of “pasta” thanks to Matt of Bremen! We’ve got all the latest celebrity gossip, updates from Bonjamin’s traffic drone, weather from The Onion Child, something about sport presumably and unlimited adverts!! Call 0800-RIGATONI now with your crazy pasta story and you could win a sieve moulded from the face of Chris Tarrant!!!With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Mushrooms

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 00:15:02 +0100

The beans doff their caps (FUNGUS PUN!) to Adam of Bremington Spa for providing this weeks topic: mushrooms. What (or who???) are mushrooms? And why? And how come none of the other podcasts are getting to grips with them? Fear? Lobbyists? No matter. Just sit back, chuck some beans together with some mushrooms in a pot, set the hob to lukewarm and let’s see what bubbles up.

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Jazz

Wed, 11 Sep 2024 00:15:02 +0100

Looking for a clear explanation of the syncopated contrapuntal elaboration of static half-diminished harmony tritone substitution turnaround? Then look no further as Cameron of Milton Keynes has the beans talk about jazz this week and, unless some sort of technical catastrophe has taken place resulting in a comprehensive explanation and discussion of music’s crown prince genre being replaced some quantity of bollocks, the beans have got you covered groove-style.

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Friday 13th Sept 2024, 7pm: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/30561/30562
Saturday 14th Sept 2024, 7pm: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/30530/30531

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Vampires

Wed, 04 Sep 2024 00:17:40 +0100

Play this episode directly in front of a mirror and no reflection of it shall ye see because this episode, the first of season fourteen, is all about vampires thanks to Stan of Manchester. Little is known of the elusive Stan of Manchester other than he always travels with 50 boxes of Transylvanian soil. Make of that what you will.

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Non-episode-isode-isode-isode-isode-isode

Tue, 06 Aug 2024 23:59:43 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September).

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Fifth Wednesday Precaution Alert

Wed, 31 Jul 2024 00:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of hard won workers' rights)

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Archaeology

Wed, 24 Jul 2024 00:15:02 +0100

This week the beans are scraping away the topsoil of knowledge and softly brushing away the woodlice of friendship to reveal a hoard of lukewarm banter for your pleasure. This is all thanks to Pat from Ely who buried archaeology into the bean machine in the distant past naively assuming it would never be disturbed and would be allowed to rest in peace in perpetuity. Hard cheese, Pat!

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Boats

Wed, 17 Jul 2024 00:15:03 +0100

"Why is that Wikipedia doesn’t bother having any pages about aquatic craft these days?”, you might ask if you’d had your head stuck in a honey badger’s front porch for the last 3 years. The answer, of course, is that people come to Three Bean Salad for comprehensive data batches on this subject as well as the very hottest of takes. Previous “searches” by listeners have included submarines, the Titanic and cruise ships. This week Rowan completes the set by asking the beans to unravel the mysteries of the final category of water going vehicles: boats.

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Haircuts

Wed, 10 Jul 2024 00:15:39 +0100

Rebecca from (The?) Wirral selects haircuts as this week’s topic for the beans. Presumably this was a cynical attempt to silence Henry for an episode - an attempt which, of course, failed. Rebecca has been referred to the Bean Standards Select Committee and is suspended without pay pending their findings.

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My Hot Air Balloon Ride

Wed, 03 Jul 2024 00:15:02 +0100

This week, Bonjamin Partridge centralises power, unilaterally suppresses any viable opposition and brings all bean media under executive control. “Big deal!” we hear you cry. “He’s just tapping into the Zeitgeist!”. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps such a man understands that the people need to hear a story about a hot air balloon ride even when they might not think they need to hear a story about a hot air balloon ride. Tune in again next week when Bonjamin turns his sights on the judiciary!

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Feudalism

Wed, 26 Jun 2024 00:15:02 +0100

Is it true what they don’t say that the world is on the brink of sliding back into a system of feudalism? If so where will you be in the pecking order? And more importantly where will podcasters be? Clergy level? Perhaps Cody from America has a take on all this? Perhaps not. Perhaps definitely Cody asked the beans to discuss feudalism and they did after a fashion.

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Gameshows

Wed, 19 Jun 2024 00:15:03 +0100

Allison of Penistone has the beans talk about gameshows this week and by gum they don’t disappoint. Or do they? Why not play the ultimate game of chance and find out? Simply “Spin That Bean!”* and you could stand to win the best part of an hour of lukewarm banter.*conceptual bean only. Sorry. You’ll need to click the link as per.

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Libraries

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 00:15:03 +0100

It is said that there as many books in the libraries of the world as there are atoms in a book (although not sure which book. Actually that doesn’t make sense given the variation in the size of books. Perhaps it was in a grain of sand. Or is that the thing about there being the same number of stars in the sky as grains of sand in a beach. But which beach? West Wittering is massive. Actually forget it). Freya of Bremen has chosen libraries for this week’s topic so for once can we all just ruddy well put those phones away and read a bleeding novel?!
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Eggs

Wed, 05 Jun 2024 00:15:03 +0100

A brand new series kicks the talon of lukewarm banter through the paper-thin shell of rules before squawking truth bombs from the beak of freedom and watching its unhatched siblings being gathered by the smallholder of something else and incorporated into a pretty decent ham and cheese omelette. That’s right, thanks to Katie of Hull, the first topic of the first of episode of series 13 is eggs.

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Non-episode caretaker abeyance-isode

Wed, 01 May 2024 00:15:03 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).

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Farming

Wed, 24 Apr 2024 00:15:03 +0100

This week the beans doff their Harris Tweed flap caps to Chrissie of Bremen whose topic suggestion of farming has slipped out of the bean machine’s birth canal, glistening with the lukewarm goo of banter before landing softly on the (also lukewarm) straw of compelling, independent broadcasting and bleating with the timbre of nature’s very own promotional jingle. The beans shall return come the radish harvest (June).

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Wine

Wed, 17 Apr 2024 00:15:03 +0100

The Industrial Revolution, the assassination of Julius Caesar, the debut performance of “Wang Dang Doodle” by Howlin’ Wolf, the wedding of Jérôme d'Ambrosio and Eleonore von Habsburg, The Black Death. What do these things have in common? All of them took place within spitting distance of some quantity of wine probably. No wonder then that Charlie of St. Louis has selected wine as this week’s topic for the beans - served lukewarm.

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Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Olives

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 00:15:03 +0100

Trigger warning for any misophonia sufferers this episode (although Henry probably weeded these people out long ago). Olives is this week’s topic with thanks to Lewis of Lewisham. Obviously no one really understands what an olive is so it’s a tough one for the beans but the beans battle on gamely nonetheless. Giant snails also get a mention and about ruddy time.

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With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Cloche Bleue

Wed, 03 Apr 2024 00:23:08 +0100

Cloche Bleue: noun
1) Term used to denote a blue bell or a cat named Bluebell by a French speaker or by members of London’s metropolitan elite
2) archaic Obsolete Royal Naval punishment also known as the “Arctic Arse Spinnaker”
3) A curate’s egg of an episode in which the podcasters forget to find a proper topic to discuss after being mesmerised by the work of a French jinglist called Samuel

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Music includes:An der schönen blauen Donau, Op.314 (Strauss Jr., Johann) by Das Orchester TSUMUGI. (Creative Commons Attribution 4.0)

The Beach

Wed, 27 Mar 2024 01:15:04 +0100

Matt from Newcastle gets the beans chatting about the beach this week. Sure they cover the hits (your shingle, your windbreaks, your snorkels and so on) but they also cast a bean smeared lens over the behavioural psychology, the paleoanthropology and yes the very mythos of the towel/bare arse interface.

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With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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LIVE SHOW TICKETS:
MANCHESTER: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/three-bean-salad
BRISTOL: https://tobaccofactorytheatres.com/shows/three-bean-salad-podcast-live/
MACHYNLLETH: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/

Tough Guys

Wed, 20 Mar 2024 01:15:01 +0100

This weeks topic is tough guys and that’s thanks to Joe from Bremen in the Cotswolds who clearly understands what this podcast is actually about. Naturally the beans thrive in this chatosphere. After all, one of them has at least seven extremely small scars, one of them has driven a convertible with the top down in Wales and one of them is a card carrying beefcake.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Ghosts

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 01:15:01 +0100

Isaac of Bremen recommends the beans set banter to spooky and discuss ghosts this week. As you’d imagine they put what has long been a contentious subject to bed once and for all and they’re very brave about it at the same time but in an unassuming and modest way (and we’re not talking false modesty mind you). Benjamin Partridge also reveals the secret fuel of the Jingle Meister.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Stonehenge

Wed, 06 Mar 2024 01:19:21 +0100

Did the druidic architecture firm that designed Stonehenge make their pitch with a scale model made of beans? Were the stones moved halfway across Britain by crabs? (NB on a map the direction of travel is sideways!) Was Stonehenge the location of King Arthur’s stag do? There’s absolutely no way of knowing any of the above as it’s a prehistoric structure (ie built in a zero red tape environment so non-existent record keeping/planning protocols etc). But if there’s one thing that’s never stopped the Beans’ flow of lukewarm banter it’s a complete lack of concrete knowledge. So lie down, think of Albion and enjoy this Stonehenge based episode with thanks to this week’s topic suggester Ian of Stone.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Interim non-episode anti-episode-isode

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 01:15:01 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March).

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Fifth Wednesday Warning Broadcast

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 01:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of cosmic health and safety)

Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.

Circus

Wed, 24 Jan 2024 01:15:01 +0100

For the last episode of the season place your head in the jaws of podcasting and let its lukewarm slobber cascade into your ears because the theme, with thanks to Stephen of Ireland, is the circus. The beans will be away for the month of Frerbrurary investigating whether or not fleas actually enjoy circus skills training or performance work but shall return full of the proverbial in March.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets to see Mike's tour show Zusa can be found here: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa-2/

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James Bond

Wed, 17 Jan 2024 01:15:01 +0100

“Frankly, 007, I don’t give a damn!” That’s right, this week’s topic, courtesy of Diogo of Lisbon, is James Bond. We’ve all seen the movies, sure. But has the world actually taken the time to just stop for a second and listen to what some blokes have to say about them?

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Castles

Wed, 10 Jan 2024 01:15:02 +0100

Holly of Portsmouth blesses the beans with the ancient chat topic of castles for this week’s episode. They get close harmony groups and genetically engineered toads out of the way in short order and before you know it are on to an absolutely watertight movie pitch that will probably redefine cinema for a generation.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Architecture

Wed, 03 Jan 2024 01:12:58 +0100

Ali requests that the Beans explore the topic of architecture and they do their best to take the roof off, knock through the kitchen and dining room to create a greater sense of space, and install a cantilevered lukewarm sauna. As always, listeners will benefit from a working knowledge of former professional tennis player and BBC sports anchor Sue Barker.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Fairytales

Wed, 27 Dec 2023 01:15:02 +0100

Emma has the beans discuss fairy tales for the last episode of 2023. It’s nasty business on the whole as anyone who has actually read an original fairy tale or had a fairy tale based upon their own life experiences will know. If you’re too busy to listen and are simply after this week’s take home message it’s probably that you ought to be very, very, very, very, very cautious about making any sort of bargain with a goblin/sorceress/folkloric twat.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Find Crowleytime by today's email jingle maker here: https://crowleytom.com/crowley-time

Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Cruises

Wed, 20 Dec 2023 01:15:02 +0100

It’s only a matter of time before the beans’ merch empire knocks the competition into a cocked hat with the launch of Beantopia: Three Bean Salad’s very own maxi cruise ship experience. Prebook for the maiden voyage of the as-yet unbuilt vessel now to enjoy a floating paradise replete with an all-you-can-eat bean buffet, ocean going velodrome, manmade desert, Punch and Judy musical flume experience, secret Stanford behavioural psychology experiment and super realistic waste ground with suspended building works. Thanks therefore to Becky of the Bremen Borough of Barnet for feeding “cruises” into the bean machine and giving the beans a topic they have a real passion for.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Festival can be found here: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2 /

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Disguises

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 01:10:02 +0100

Hats off to Ross of Vancouver and then immediately put a different hat on along with a rubber nose and a set of matching eyebrow wigs because Ross has got the beans wagging their false chins about disguises this week. This episode also includes an update on Henry’s Beefcake Journey and the secret to success.

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Festival can be found here: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/

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Assassinations

Wed, 06 Dec 2023 01:01:53 +0100

The beans are back! A bumper episode to kick off the new series. Lots to cover. And Samuel steers the beans towards the topic of assassinations which absolutely classic Samuel frankly. Knuckle down and let’s get through this together people.

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Non-episode-isode-isode

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 12:58:10 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December).

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Surfin'

Wed, 25 Oct 2023 01:19:18 +0100

To round off series whatever it is Isabella feeds surfin' into the bean machine in the hope of crystal clear, effluent-free lukewarm banter. Will the beans turtle roll some ankle slappers? Or will they hang ten on a shubie’s mushburger? Why not tombstone a paddlepuss and find out?

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The Trojan War

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 00:15:02 +0100

Definitely a cursed episode this one. No one’s fault. Worth knowing going in though. If you’re brave enough to take the plunge you’ll discover that Rowan had the beans grapple with the Trojan War and you’ll probably say to yourself “That shouldn’t present a problem to the beans although I bet they end up being a bit reductive about calzones” and you’d be right.

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The Higgs Boson/Particles

Wed, 11 Oct 2023 00:15:02 +0100

Muriel from Illinois has the beans discuss The Higgs Boson/Particles this week. Listeners might be concerned the beans are entering knowledge-gap territory here but it turns out between them they average 2 ⅔ science GCSEs a piece*.

*grades attained unavailable and what do they mean anyway really???

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Fashion

Tue, 03 Oct 2023 23:15:02 +0100

Thank goodness one of the beans is a jewel-encrusted member of London’s glitterati because this week’s topic, thanks to Catherine of Bremen, is fashion. What do your chinos say about you? What do you say about your chinos? And what would your chinos say about what you’d said about them if they’d overheard it? All questions the beans are unable to answer for you of course but while you’re working them over why not strike a pose and tune into the lukewarm banter based podcast du jour.

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Elvis

Wed, 27 Sep 2023 00:15:02 +0100

It’s widely accepted that if Elvis Presley were alive today he would have made a really decent podcaster. Where better then to discuss his life and legacy than on a podcast which, at the time of writing, is ranked as Finland’s 245th most popular sleep aid? Thanks to Dan (presumably of Bremen) for feeding The King into the bean machine.

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Orange

Wed, 20 Sep 2023 00:15:02 +0100

The topic of orange is wmg’s gift to the beans this week and you can bet your bottom dollar the beans don’t just squeeze every last drop of chat juice out of it. No siree! They candy the peel, compost the pith and pulverise the pips to extract linoleic acid which could be used in the production of organic varnishes for example (metaphorically).

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Pencils

Wed, 13 Sep 2023 00:15:02 +0100

Popo (THE Popo?????) decides the beans ought to discuss pencils this week. Henry manages to crowbar in Andie MacDowell (surprise, surprise), congressional hearings get a mention as do several Roberts and Benjamin shares a top tip for increasing your household acreage without planning permission.

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To buy streaming tickets for our upcoming live shows:

Saturday 16th September 2023, 7pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29411/29415

Sunday 17th September 2023, 2pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29666/29667

Sunday 17th September 2023, 4.30pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29412/29416

Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Beer

Wed, 06 Sep 2023 00:15:02 +0100

The beans are back and Sean of Exeter has given them the topic of beer, the cheeky old rascal!!!!! As luck would have it the beans just so happen to know one end of a pint from the other cor bloomin’ heck don’t they just the bloody legends so don’t be surprised if the banter isn’t just served lukewarm but has a ruddy lemonade top to boot weh hey!!!

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To buy streaming tickets for our upcoming live shows:

Saturday 16th September 2023, 7pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29411/29415

Sunday 17th September 2023, 2pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29666/29667

Sunday 17th September 2023, 4.30pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29412/29416

Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod

Non-episode-isode

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 00:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September).

Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.

Tickets to stream our upcoming live shows:

Saturday 16th Sept, 7pm: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29411/29415

Sunday 17th Sept, 2pm https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29666/29667

Sunday 17th Sept, 4.30pm https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29412/29416

Oats

Wed, 26 Jul 2023 00:15:02 +0100

It’s the last episode of the season so thank goodness Gavin (of Bremen most likely) furnished the beans with the humdinger zeitgiest chat-nip topic that is…oats! The beans lurch from the grain-of-now to trouser physics and back again all for YOUR listening pleasure. Summer good and summer true dear friends. Three Bean Salad shall return at Septembertide.

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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

Get in touch:

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@beansaladpod

Urban Legends

Tue, 18 Jul 2023 23:53:37 +0100

The beans have to get to grips with urban legends this week thanks to Tabby from Edinburgh. But before that Henry tells an anecdote so long that it begins to develop its own atmosphere and gravity. Finally they get stuck into urban legends and it gets scatalogical IMMEDIATELY for which Tabby surely has to take some of the blame. In fact large chunks of the episode are pretty unpalatable so please don’t listen to it anywhere near an impressionable child or unripe AI.

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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

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Whales

Wed, 12 Jul 2023 00:22:04 +0100

Ben from Cardiff (WE KNOW RIGHT???!!!) submits the topic of whales and the Beans waste no time getting into some radical new theories of aquatic taxonomy and evolution. If you’re wondering whether or not they’re qualified to handle that stuff let’s not forgot that Mike’s got a biology A-level, Ben lives a mere 4 hour drive away from the Rhyl SeaQuarium and Henry can draw a ruddy good haddock. This episode also contains a dose of the Old Testament which never did anybody any harm.

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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

Get in touch:

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Cults

Wed, 05 Jul 2023 00:15:02 +0100

Megan from Bremen sends beans a-yappin’ about cults this week. It proves to be an episode packed with jaw-dropping revelations, not least of which is Henry’s confession to a major personal creed-shift.

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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

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@beansaladpod

Time Travel

Wed, 28 Jun 2023 00:09:24 +0100

How did scientists explain theories of time travel to laypeople before the invention of paper napkins? This is just one of the many questions surrounding this week’s topic of time travel (courtesy of Ben of Horsham) that the Beans simply don’t touch. Talc makes an appearance though. Content warning: contains audio of the podcast’s first partial nude.
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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

Get in touch:

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@beansaladpod

Volcanoes

Wed, 21 Jun 2023 00:15:01 +0100

It takes every ounce of the beans’ strength to keep the banter lukewarm this week as they take on Phil of Baltimore’s inherently hot topic of volcanoes during the most violent heat wave the British Isles have ever seen. Does heat melt away their satirical fangs? No! (Listen if you dare, Tony Blair!) Does it stop them from catching up with what Silvio Berlusconi was up to in 2006? No way! Do the energy levels audibly drop towards the end of the episode? Arguably.

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Live-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:

16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/

17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/

Get in touch:

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Tea

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 00:15:02 +0100

To Ben’s horror, the theme this week, thanks to Dedan-Jah Jonker the rheumatic Dutchman, is his bête noire: tea. To make things worse for poor, sweet, bean-machine laden Ben, this episode also finds him forced to confront his most recent near death experience at the hands of a certain type of central European bastard the guide books don’t warn you about.

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Fire

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 00:15:02 +0100

Hazel of Bremen throws lukewarm caution to the wind and has the beans discuss FIRE! Some sage words on friendship (and eyebrow) management are included and it will come as no surprise that Henry’s employment history is once more in the mix.

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Not an episode non-episode episode

Wed, 03 May 2023 00:15:01 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).

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The Essence Of Fear

Tue, 25 Apr 2023 23:55:03 +0100

Without a care in the world, Zachary of Bremen tosses the spine-chilling topic of “The Essence of Fear” into the bean machine quiver and expects the beans to just deal with it once it’s fired out. Of course - they do. They dive deep. Gossamer deep. Listen only with extreme caution (one ear?). Also contains a forbidden jingle.

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Teachers

Wed, 19 Apr 2023 00:15:02 +0100

This week the Bean Machine, having been pre-loaded by Luke (of Bremen?), spits out the topic of teachers. It’s time for the beans to think about how many Alsatians is too many Alsatians. Also the dear listeners are called upon to help solve a cereal based codger mystery.

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Dentists

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 00:15:02 +0100

This week’s topic comes from none other than Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s mustard. His choice: dentists. It’s a thorny one, sure, but that doesn’t put off the beans. They chat hard and true and, arguably at the top of their podcasting game, find a way to incorporate crabs. This episode is dedicated to the late, wonderfully funny and much missed comedian Gareth Richards.

Gareth's website: http://www.garethrichards.net/

Gareth's EP: https://garethrichards.bandcamp.com/album/these-songs-could-be-used-in-adverts-ep

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TV Crime Shows

Wed, 05 Apr 2023 00:15:01 +0100

Neil (presumably of Bremen) offers up the topic of TV crime shows. At least one of the beans is like a pig in the proverbial with such a fearsomely strong topic but nevertheless the beans do make time to touch upon French impressionism, infini-hills and aquatic apex predators. Also contains hot new intel on a drop-dead decent storage solution.

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Fifth Wednesday Calendar Abberation Broadcast

Wed, 29 Mar 2023 00:05:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday March and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of human rights, the will of the moon and natural justice)

Pirates

Wed, 22 Mar 2023 01:15:01 +0100

Sarah of Bremen pressgangs the beans into chatting all things pirates this week. With a fair wind at the stern they sail through the alphabet and the landlocked city of Nottingham and have time to spare to drop the chat anchor into the depths of what happens when a potato is left to its own devices.

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Tickets to our live show on 30th April 2023 at Machynlleth Comedy Festival: https://machcomedyfest.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/873644688

Get in touch:
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Ice Cream

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 01:15:02 +0100

Gemma in Bromley has the beans wrap their chops around ice-cream this week and by gum are the beans happy about it. This may be the most on-topic episode of the podcast so far although there is time to squeeze in hairy omelettes, creamy cream and a trip down memory lane with Lou from Neighbours.

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Tickets to our live show on 30th April 2023 at Machynlleth Comedy Festival: https://machcomedyfest.ticketsolve.com/ticketbooth/shows/873644688

Get in touch:
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The Arctic

Wed, 08 Mar 2023 00:15:02 +0100

This week your old friend Neil (of Bremen) sends the bean chat to the magisterial tundra of the Arctic. Nozzles, aisle seats and the future of powder all come into play. Also this is a tremendous episode for anyone hoping to hone their spatial awareness or sense of direction which, let’s be honest, is something very few other podcasts are offering right now.

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Zeppelins

Wed, 01 Mar 2023 01:37:10 +0100

Michael of Bremen gets the chat ball rolling in this brand new series by suggesting this week’s topic of zeppelins. Mechanised frogs, hamperisation and of course buououououoys all play a vital part. Also the beans thwart a possible attempt at an AI world takeover (or unwittingly enable it - hard to tell at the time of writing).

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Best Of Series Three

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 00:15:01 +0100

Take yourself back to December 2021/January 2022 and enjoy this compilation of highlights from our third series. From coffee shop toilets to a terrible banana.

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Snappy Little Non-Episode Announcement

Wed, 01 Feb 2023 01:15:01 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March) but if you want extra bonus episodes you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Avatar 2: The Way Of Water

Wed, 25 Jan 2023 01:15:23 +0100

What’s that? A crossover ep? Has the world turned upside down? No. Behold! What lies in store is an exclusive, once in a lifetime piece of podcasting as Three Bean Salad get sent their topic of the week by none other than The Chatatar Podcast - the world’s foremost source of Avatar based lukewarm banter. That topic? “Avatar 2: The Way Of Water”. What else.

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The Loch Ness Monster

Wed, 18 Jan 2023 00:29:41 +0100

The Loch Ness Monster is Harvey’s idea of a strong topic for the beans this week. Can they avoid offensively poor Scottish accents? Possibly. Will Helen Hunt come up? Probably. Will a fictional character played by a volleyball dominate the conversation? You betcha!

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The Moon

Wed, 11 Jan 2023 02:04:16 +0100

Matt from The Cheese Deli sets thrusters to lukewarm and launches the beans towards the topic of the Moon this week. Expect solid Louis Armstrong chat, Connect 4, a hearty to nod to Liam Neeson and of course, more hot and fresh reaction to the second movie in the Avatar franchise.

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Dogs

Wed, 04 Jan 2023 01:15:01 +0100

Rebecca Abrey’s son (of Bremen) has Rebecca Abrey get us to talk about dogs and by golly heck but don’t we just do that. The lukewarm, canine banter is appropriately seasoned with paprika, subaquatic telepathy and a hot take on the cultural event of the millennium.

Tickets for Mike Wozniak's tour can be found here: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa/

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Crisps

Wed, 28 Dec 2022 01:15:01 +0100

Lynsey of Bremen offers up crisps to get the beans juices flowing. As per there’s heavyweight chat with attention to detail so expect to hear about taxonomic rank, golden staircases (divine) and the worst possible situation from which to mount a revolution.

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Forests

Wed, 21 Dec 2022 00:38:42 +0100

Forests is this week’s lukewarm topic for which Rowan of Bremen is responsible and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Henry blindsides the Beans with a revelation about his foresting past, Benjamin is exposed as a ruthless negotiator and Mike is forced into discovering a skill he never knew he had (albeit one that could land him in in hot water).

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Board Games

Wed, 14 Dec 2022 00:32:52 +0100

It’s Ryan from Bremen’s turn to direct the bean chat and he has them get busy on board games.

Tim Rice pops up of course. There’s a tiny knight’s helmet and a hot tip for those hoping to thrive socially in any suburban cul-de-sac. All this AND a rare audio visit to the toilets in the Barbican Centre.

Animal Husbandry

Wed, 07 Dec 2022 01:15:02 +0100

Welcome back to Season/Series 7 (we think) of Three Bean Salad and what an opener the beans have for you as Michael from Bremen proposes the topic of animal husbandry. Expect a deeper understanding of little Christmas trees that dangle off rearview mirrors, an explanation of the principle use of passata and a rare insight into the life of Joanna Lumley.

Best Of Series Two

Wed, 09 Nov 2022 01:15:02 +0100

Take yourself back to August/September 2021 and enjoy this compilation of highlights from our second series. From King Kong to Amelia Earhart.

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Zero Bean Salad Non-Episode

Wed, 02 Nov 2022 01:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December), but if you want to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Glass

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 01:29:34 +0100

This week’s topic, courtesy of “Your Worst Nightmare” is glass. Having comprehensively and definitively covered the science of glass in the deep bean past the beans find time to get entrepreneurial (watch this space, dog owners), satirical (watch out, The Man) as well as sorting out their pension plans. They even manage to squeeze in a smidge of Gérard Depardieu for good measure. A bumper crop for the last episode of this season. The beans shall return in December. In the meantime, for heaven’s sake, don’t sit on your own arse.

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Mail

Wed, 19 Oct 2022 00:15:01 +0100

In what would probably the worst episode ever for a brand new listener to sample the show fresh, Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s Mustard gets his Bean Machine double dip and has the beans discuss mail. What follows is a feast for veteran ears but more of a sick bag for novices as the beans get into rat poison, Bonjamin and, of course, ham.

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Sandwiches

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 00:15:02 +0100

This week in Three Bean Salad starring Henry Paker, Mike Wozniak, Benjamin Partridge, Neil of Bremen suggests Henry Paker and co tackle a subject close to Henry Paker et al’s heart - sandwiches. Included in this episode of Three Bean Henry Salad Paker with Henry Paker: Henry Paker ably interrogates second fiddle Benjamin Partridge on economical sandwich sourcing, Henry Paker discusses Mike “podcast linesman” Wozniak’s thoughts on sandwiches for him and Henry Paker tells a pakeresque story from the past of Henry Paker featuring Henry Paker.

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Going To Disney World And Not Wanting To Be Dressed Up As A Ruffian

Wed, 05 Oct 2022 00:15:01 +0100

Jen mines her own dreams this week to provide the beans with the topic of going to Disney World and not wanting to be dressed up as a ruffian. Silk worms get a shout out early doors, before the beans glide through Gary Lineker, glance briefly over Bulgarian politics and end up somewhere in the region of The Fonz. Enjoy but remember: you can’t sit on your own arse.

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RATS!

Wed, 28 Sep 2022 00:15:02 +0100

The topic this week is no topic owing to an excess of intro prattling which the Bean Machine was unable to cope with. Did Henry forget to clean the Bean Machine slough-sump? Did Mike fail to de-scale the low-pressure waffle sprocket? Has Ben been at the raw prawns again? Or maybe rats got in. In time we may have answers for you but in the meantime here’s a hamless ham sandwich of a podcast episode to help you get to sleep.

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Feat. "Shop Jazz" by https://freesound.org/people/Migfus20

Artificial Intelligence

Wed, 21 Sep 2022 00:15:02 +0100

Paul from Widnes (bot status unconfirmed) serves up the topic of Artificial Intelligence for the beans this week. Sure, to begin with they simply respond by making a series of vague futuristic noises, they’re only flesh and blood (confirmed), but soon enough they get busy and deliberate crab newspapers, an unusual use of hair conditioner and the truth about the Netherlands.

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Hats

Wed, 14 Sep 2022 00:15:02 +0100

Steph of London isn’t shy about getting the beans to tackle hats and tackle hats they do. For the sake of completeness they incorporate oral tomato snooker, pencil sharpeners and Dobermann puppies. Also expect to hear a hot, fresh exclusive about Ben’s upcoming rebranding.

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Livestream tickets for our live show on Saturday 17th Sept: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/

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Teeth

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 23:45:52 +0100

Away we go for Season 6 which begins with the topic of teeth as suggested by Josh of Bremen. Tune in for tales of sea snakes, how close the world came to seeing its first coin-operated man and why you should be suspicious of anything that costs £78.

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Non-episode-isode

Wed, 03 Aug 2022 00:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September), but if you want to listen to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Swords

Tue, 26 Jul 2022 23:57:53 +0100

For the final episode of Season 5 Maddie of the USA hurls the beans towards the hot topic of swords. The Great Ham Cultures feature heavily, the lid is lifted on the art of car servicing and you’d better believe they cover hot pebbles (about ruddy time). The beans will return in September, fresh of face and fleet of professionally medicated foot.

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Canada

Tue, 19 Jul 2022 23:27:55 +0100

George of Canada has drawn inspiration from the fact he’s in Canada and picked the theme of “Canada” for the beans this week. Little could he have imagined he’d prompt a nation-ruining exposé as the beans unveil the gris(zz)ly truth about SBAJ!

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Service Stations

Wed, 13 Jul 2022 00:43:56 +0100

This week the juicy topic of service stations is thrown the beans’ way by none other than Hannah Kohler of London. The episode is crucial listening for anyone at risk of being trapped in a well. In addition, geese get more than honourable mention and Henry drops a hot-dog bombshell.

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Livestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/

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Sitcoms

Wed, 06 Jul 2022 00:15:02 +0100

Emma of the Seychelles sends the beans on something of a busman’s holiday with the topic of sitcoms. Ben gives our the listeners the scoop on his latest project, Mike digs his heels in on his wolf identification skills and Henry unlocks the secrets of his own past.

Livestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/
Tickets for Mike Wozniak's tour of his new stand-up show Zusa: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa/

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Fifth Wednesday Non-Episode Plenary Session

Wed, 29 Jun 2022 00:15:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday June and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of human rights), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode (and all of our bonus output going back to the Genesis bean) you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Tubes

Tue, 21 Jun 2022 23:14:54 +0100

Thanks to Dr P this week the beans get to grips with that fundamental unit of life: tubes. Essentially if looks like it tube and it sounds like a tube it’s a tube and if it doesn’t there’s a good chance it’s a tube after all if you think about it. Also we find out how Henry takes a bath.

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France

Wed, 15 Jun 2022 00:15:02 +0100

France is this week’s topic thanks to the theme nudging of Michael. Lifelong francophilobean Henry Paker is a cochon in the proverbial merde and gives us his hot take on croissants, the quotidien life of French bakers as well a live translation of La Marseillaise for those without a firm grasp of the French language or decent wifi.

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Prizes

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 00:15:02 +0100

Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s Mustards gets the beans talking about prizes. They offer up a lesser known travel tip for the Philippines, an approach for undergraduate exam preparation and Ben finally shows his true colours (listener discretion advised - they ain’t a pretty shade).

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Bears

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 00:15:02 +0100

Welcome back for SEASON 5 which Henry thinks means we’ve been going for either 70 episodes or 70 years. Thanks to Steph of London the season kicks off with the topic of bears. Literally and figuratively full of beans from their hiatus, the actual beans manage to steer on course for an admirable chunk of the episode but do manage to give glancing chat blows to Paul Hogan, Thug and Nicky the Pygmy Hippos and what might have happened to Henry’s missing bag of CDs.

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No Bean Salad Non-Beanisode

Tue, 03 May 2022 22:39:55 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Tusks

Wed, 27 Apr 2022 00:10:02 +0100

For the final episode of the season, tusk monomaniac Jerome of Indiana, locks the beans onto his favourite dental protrusion. It will come as no surprise to Jerome that the beans prod their chat fangs deep into the definition of true art, the ethics of umbrella storage and Henry’s arena-filling splinter project.

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Maps

Wed, 20 Apr 2022 00:23:57 +0100

Sarah of Bremen decides this week’s topic for the beans is maps and they can’t be blamed for delving into the unchartered chat territories of compressed meat biscuits, what you should rub in Luton for luck and why Ben’s career as a fantasy novelist is doomed before it’s even begun.

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Mountains

Wed, 13 Apr 2022 00:20:34 +0100

At the behest of Immanuel of Bremen, this week’s subject is mountains. The intrepid beans nearly perish in a conversational crevasse early doors, but can they get back on track and make it to the summit of Mount Chat?

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Snow

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 00:15:02 +0100

What’s that? A light entertainment podcast has dared to dance across the the conversational minefield that is the antimacassar? That’s right. And that podcast is Three Bean Salad. And if Lauren from Bremen hadn’t got the beans onto the topic of snow in the first place this podcasting milestone might never have been achieved at all.

Get in touch:
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Five Wednesday Month Alert

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 00:10:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday March and we simply will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month because we respect the natural order of the universe), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Goblins

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 01:15:02 +0100

Chase (Bremen?) proclaims that goblins are the topic of the week. The beans tackle it with their usual rigour and in no time at all are back on the deck of the RMS Titanic. Spaniels get an honourable mention and we learn about Mike’s lesser known sub-specialty within the movie-making industry.

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Music
"That's Alright"
Podington Bear soundofpicture.com

Bicycles

Wed, 16 Mar 2022 00:27:46 +0100

Hazel presumably of Bremen steers the beans towards the topic of bicycles and they absolutely chat the hind legs off it. Tonic wine, castanets and Noel Gallagher all find a place, Ben is slighted, Mike discovers new sopping kin, and Henry is taunted by a toddler.

Get in touch:

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Slippers

Wed, 09 Mar 2022 01:56:29 +0100

WARNING: chunks of this episode are foul but that’s not the Beans’ fault. The blame squarely lies on the shoulders of Devonshire Megan who bade them discuss slippers. Thoughtfully they soften the blow by veering into Thai massage, ovine mince categorisation and how to tell if Mike is behind a serious crime.

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S4 E1 - Dinosaurs

Wed, 02 Mar 2022 01:30:02 +0100

Roll up, roll up for E1 of S4 of Three Bean Salad in which Luke of Hertfordshire directs the beans towards the topic of dinosaurs. Tune in as hitherto unplumbed depths of ignorance are brought to the surface and listen to the beans discover they don’t know what they should know they don’t know about some of the basics.

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Non-episode Beanorandum Episode

Wed, 02 Feb 2022 01:05:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Spies

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 03:25:30 +0100

Casper places the beans in grave peril by instructing them to discuss spies. They squeeze in the sub-topic of Japanese breakfast cereals but, to their great credit, largely stick to the main theme and in doing so discover Ben’s embroidered personal motto, Henry’s pushy side and that Mike isn’t only boring about guitars.

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Aliens

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 00:21:28 +0100

WMG prompts the beans to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty with the topic of aliens. Ever thorough, they are careful not to neglect Newcastle or bananas and even dare to lift the lid on the secrets of the Mafia.

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Museums

Wed, 12 Jan 2022 01:10:02 +0100

Holly reckons it’s high time the beans talked about museums. Sure, they get a little embrangled in decommissioned hangars and Eastern European concrete but do also expect to learn the meaning of an onion in a renaissance painting and how to conduct a 16th century eye test.

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Elevators

Wed, 05 Jan 2022 01:05:15 +0100

Thanks in no small part to Elizabeth (monarch status unknown) the beans forge THE DEFINITIVE chat on the topic of elevators. Gird your ears for the secrets of conducting low-cost business meetings, Henry’s criminal past and the criteria for both the ideal door and a decent canteen.

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A Message From The Beans

Wed, 29 Dec 2021 01:10:02 +0100

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week, but if you want to listen to two new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Zombies

Wed, 22 Dec 2021 01:10:03 +0100

Ryan suggests the beans discuss zombies and so they slowly drag themselves towards the topics of Boots the chemists, aristocrats and bicycle puncture repair.

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Biscuits

Wed, 15 Dec 2021 01:10:02 +0100

SPOILER ALERT (sort of): the Beans get a bit bogged down with Squid Game early doors (obviously) so please bear that in mind. Non-spoiler alert bit: this week Hayley from America hoofs the beans towards the topic of biscuits. Helpfully they include advice on how tell if what you’re bucking is a bronco and how to identify Joss Stone, although the whole thing is ruined when Henry breaks the ultimate conversational taboo.

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Immortality

Wed, 08 Dec 2021 01:10:02 +0100

Listener Sam gets the beans talking about immortality. They peregrinate around the topic, taking in clown eggs, tuna salads and getting a biscuit named after you.

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Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode; www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Exercise

Wed, 01 Dec 2021 01:11:09 +0100

The Beans are back! It's the start of series three and this time they're working up a sweat talking about exercise. Also featuring peregrination, shuttlecocks and the crab living between Ben's warm bumcheeks.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com@beansaladpod

The Titanic

Wed, 20 Oct 2021 00:24:40 +0100

We present the final episode of Series 2 in which Dustin (of Bremen?) has the beans discussing the luckless Titanic. In this spooooky edition of the podcast, house dust mites get a long overdue mention as do hurled milkshakes, interspecies breeding and the benefits of a sub-aquatic moth. Please stay tuned to this frequency as the beans shall return SOON!
Get in touch:
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Portraiture

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 22:44:09 +0100

Portraiture is this week’s topic, responsibility for which lies squarely at the feet of Phil of Baltimore. The beans gab hard and true and, ever thorough, gab seven bells out of ham (again), Helen of Troy, lying to barbers and coastal face erosion.
Get in touch:
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Featuring "superhero fanfare.wav" by humanoid9000 of Freesound.org

Pagans

Wed, 06 Oct 2021 00:39:38 +0100

Courtesy of Dr. P we present an episode on the theme of pagans. Fill your boots with golf, jet-skis, the history of rambling and the single moment at which the universe began, probably.
Get in touch:
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Featuring "Castanets, Multi, A (H1).wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Jeffreys/Geoffreys

Tue, 28 Sep 2021 23:18:40 +0100

Gavin has the beans unpack the topic of Jeffreys (Geoffreys?). In an episode stacked with boo boos and bungles the beans tackle Steves, Daves, rubber giraffes and whether or not scampi can ever be a verb.
Get in touch:
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Featuring "Orchestral Strings, Warm, A.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Islands

Tue, 21 Sep 2021 23:45:20 +0100

Olana decrees that the beans have it out about islands. They comply and, in an effort to be thorough, cover ear growth, alternative aviation fuel solutions and how to avoid over-ordering in a restaurant.
Get in touch:
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@beansaladpod

Flags

Tue, 14 Sep 2021 21:11:04 +0100

Hoist the Jolly Beans! Kathy of Bremen invites the beans to discuss flags and they are careful not to miss out memory aids, brownies, sliced bread and the secret to royal longevity.

Get in touch:
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Buffets

Tue, 07 Sep 2021 22:55:04 +0100

Accordionist Alex directs the beans towards the subject of buffets this week. Pile your plates high with UN etiquette, poker with The Boys and how best to handle a fire in a chemical warehouse.

Tickets for Beef and Dairy Network live on 11th September 2021 are available here:
In theatre tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-3/
Livestream tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-11-9/

Get in touch:
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@beansaladpod

Dystopia

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 12:11:04 +0100

Listener Sam steers the Beans towards the nightmarish topic of dystopia. Naturally they cover goat silos, national service for children and Andrew Lloyd Webber but they also reveal the true nature of Henry and Mike’s working relationship.

Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/
Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Romance

Tue, 24 Aug 2021 23:11:57 +0100

Battling through a minor bean emergency, the beans take on the topic of romance. Roses, chocolates, candlelight, forcing an eel to swallow a wedding ring.

Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Condiments

Wed, 18 Aug 2021 00:00:00 +0100

The beans are back! It's time for series two and they kick off by discussing condiments at the behest of a listener called Lloyd. Also covered are gnocchi, electricity pylon safety and shooting a toucan.

Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/

Get in touch:

threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Bean Tasting Menu - Highlights Of Series One

Tue, 10 Aug 2021 23:53:32 +0100

Series two starts next week, but before that, here's a little bean tasting menu of the Beans' favourite bits from series one. The idea is that this might make be a good episode for confirmed Beanheads to point non-Beanheads in the direction of. Why not send it to a friend? Or a sibling? Or basically anyone whose email address you have. Even if that's the customer service email address for your energy supplier. It could be just what they need.

Live Beans Announcement

Thu, 05 Aug 2021 20:34:05 +0100

The Beans are doing their first ever live show (and livestream) and would like to tell you about it.
London Podcast Festival, 2nd September 2021, 7pm (UK time)
Tickets for the livestream can be found here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/

Purple

Tue, 29 Jun 2021 22:47:34 +0100

Victoria (probably from Bremen) suggests the topic of purple and the beans roll up their silken sleeves and get stuck in. But not before they've talked about the fact that two of them have recently run into deceased dolphins (one of which was actually a porpoise). Regretably, Mike also talks about his guitar.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Magic

Wed, 23 Jun 2021 00:27:26 +0100

Lynzee (don’t know where she’s from, but one assumes Bremen) suggested that the beans talk about magic and in doing so, they discover that Henry used to work in the company of some professional sorcerors. They also read an email about a randy quail.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Musical Instruments

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 00:52:25 +0100

When Anna of Bremen suggested the beans hit the topic of musical instruments she could not have known how lethally boring Mike is when he starts talking about the guitar. Luckily the beans navigate away from this sub-topic with skill and cover Henry’s youthful golden flute obsession and why Ben should stick to badminton. Listeners of a sensitive disposition should be warned this episode contains a bean crisis plus Emergency Pompidou.
Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Sleep

Tue, 08 Jun 2021 23:39:23 +0100

Victoria suggests that the beans talk about the subject of sleep. On their way they touch on Margaret Thatcher, soldiers in the jungle, and the act of eating a crab's memories. Plus bird stories.

NOTE: do not listen to this episode while you are sleeping or it will reprogramme your brain and you'll wake up with the intellect of a small brown bird.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Asteroids

Tue, 01 Jun 2021 22:55:38 +0100

Someone called Michael suggests that the beans talk about asteroids. With this episode, the listener probably benefits from a working knowledge of six-time world snooker champion Steve Davis (also known as The Nugget, Steve "Interesting" Davis, The Ginger Magician, The Romford Robot, Romford Slim, Master Cueman, Golden Nugget) but crucially, it's still enjoyable even to a listener with no knowledge of this snooker titan. You'll really love it if you ARE Steve Davis.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Bags

Wed, 26 May 2021 00:35:09 +0100

It's the first episode based on a listener suggestion, and what a suggestion. Someone called Fiona suggests that the beans talk about bags and the they go at it with gusto and laser-guided precision.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Submarines

Tue, 18 May 2021 23:53:25 +0100

Submarines is this week's topic, and inevitably the beans end up talking about flightless birds. And flightful birds. And flaming pedalos shaped like birds. And macadamia nuts.

Rome

Tue, 11 May 2021 22:27:59 +0100

Rome is the topic this week so Coventry, sponges and Russell Crowe all get a mention and that's just for starters. Once again, thanks to a man called Gareth for the theme. Soon it'll be your turn to point us in the right direction.

Lizards

Wed, 05 May 2021 10:41:32 +0100

A man called Gareth suggests that we discuss the topic of lizards. And so we cover crabs, octopuses, wolves, and of course, the royal family.
Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod

Posters

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 12:33:01 +0100

A man called Gareth suggests that we discuss the topic of posters and see where it takes us. A counterfeit Santana. Prince Charles's toilet seat. Large and terrifying flightless birds.

Get in touch:
threebeansaladpod@gmail.com
@beansaladpod