I Want to Know More - Tools for Your Child's Success

Building Secure Attachment

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Building Secure Attachment: Simple Ways to Help Your Child Feel Safe and Loved

Attachment is the deep emotional bond between you and your child. When babies feel safe, loved, and cared for, they develop secure attachment, which helps them grow into confident, independent, and emotionally healthy children.^1,2

What Is Attachment?

Attachment happens when your child learns they can rely on you to meet their needs—whether it’s for food, comfort, or love. From the moment they’re born, babies are looking for signs that they are safe and cared for. Every time you soothe their cries, smile at them, or respond to their needs, you’re helping build that sense of security.^3

What Does Secure Attachment Look Like?

A baby with secure attachment feels safe exploring the world because they know their parent or someone in a parenting role will be there when needed. Signs of secure attachment include^1,2:

● Seeking comfort from a parent when upset

● Being happy to see their parent after separation

● Exploring their environment, but checking back in with their parent

● Trusting their parent to meet their needs

As your child grows, secure attachment might look like a toddler returning to you for reassurance during play, or a preschooler seeking comfort after a hard day.

What About Insecure Attachment?

When babies don’t consistently get the comfort or attention they need, they may develop insecure attachment. This doesn’t mean parents don’t love their child; it just means the baby may feel unsure about whether their needs will be met. Signs of insecure attachment might include^1,2:

● Avoiding comfort or closeness with a parent or someone in a parenting role

● Clinging excessively and having trouble exploring

● Seeming indifferent to a parent’s presence

The good news? Attachment is not about being perfect; it’s about being responsive most of the time.

How to Build Secure Attachment

You don’t need fancy toys or a complicated plan to create secure attachment. Small, everyday moments matter most.^3Here’s how:

Respond to your child’s cues – When your child cries, coos, or reaches for you, try to respond. You won’t always know exactly what they need, but responding helps them feel understood.
Be present and engaged – You don’t need to entertain your child all day, but giving them your full attention, even for short moments, strengthens your connection.
Comfort them when they’re upset – When children feel scared or overwhelmed, they learn that emotions are safe when a parent or someone in a parenting role soothes them.
Enjoy play and eye contact – Singing, talking, and making eye contact during daily routines help your child feel connected to you.
Follow their lead – If your child reaches for a toy, talk about it. If they show excitement, share in it. These little interactions build trust.

Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent

Caring for a baby is exhausting, and no one can respond perfectly all the time. The good news is, you don’t have to! Research shows that babies need “good enough” parenting, meaning that if you respond to their needs most of the time, they will still develop secure attachment.^2,3

● Give yourself grace – You won’t always know what your baby wants, and that’s okay.

● Take breaks – A happy, rested parent is better for the baby. Ask for help when you need it.

● Repair when needed – If you miss a cue or lose patience, reconnect with your baby with warmth and reassurance.

● Don’t go at it alone – Attachment can grow through many safe, loving relationships — with grandparents, siblings, or trusted caregivers.

You Are Enough

Your baby doesn’t need perfection; they just need to know they are loved and safe. By simply showing up, responding as best as you can, and caring for yourself along the way, you are giving your child the secure foundation they need to thrive.

References

1. Fearon, R. P., Bakermans‐Kranenburg, M. J., Van IJzendoorn, M. H., Lapsley, A. M., & Roisman, G. I. (2010). The significance of insecure attachment and disorganization in the development of children’s externalizing behavior: a meta‐analytic study. Child development, 81(2), 435-456.

2. Harvard University Center on the Developing Child. (2010). The Science of Early Childhood Development. Retrieved fromhttps://developingchild.harvard.edu.

3. Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2020). The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired. New York: Ballantine Books.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2025). Building Secure Attachment: Simple Ways to Help Your Child Feel Safe and Loved. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org.

Serve and Return - Simple Activities to Build Your Baby's Brain

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Serve and Return: Simple Activities to Build Your Baby’s Brain

Babies are born ready to connect with the world, and one of the best ways to support their development is through serve and return interactions. These back-and-forth moments between you and your baby help build their brain, strengthen your bond, and support their emotional and social growth.^1,2 They help your child grow into a confident communicator, thoughtful problem-solver, and emotionally aware adult.

What Is Serve and Return?

Think of a game of tennis or catch; one person serves the ball, and the other returns it. In the same way, when your baby "serves" by making a sound, smiling, or reaching for something, you "return" by responding with eye contact, words, or touch.^2,3

For example:

● Your baby babbles → You smile and talk back

● Your baby points at a toy → You name the toy and hand it to them

● Your baby makes a face → You mirror the expression and respond

These simple exchanges help your baby feel seen and understood, which is key for healthy emotional development. You don’t need to engage every time; just responding often is enough to build strong connections.^1,2,3

Why Is Serve and Return Important?

Builds Brain Connections – Every time you respond to your baby’s signals, you help form and strengthen the connections in their brain that shape learning, communication, and relationships.
Teaches Social Skills – Your baby learns about taking turns, listening, and expressing themselves, all of which are important for building relationships later in life.
Creates a Secure Attachment – When you consistently respond to your baby, they feel safe and loved, which builds confidence and emotional security.
Reduces Stress – Babies who experience consistent, loving interactions are better able to handle stress and develop resilience.

How to Practice Serve and Return

You don’t need special toys or extra time, serve and return happens naturally throughout the day. Here’s how you can do it:

● Notice the serve – Watch for your baby’s cues, like sounds, movements, or facial expressions.

● Return the serve – Respond in a warm, engaging way by talking, smiling, or copying their actions.

● Keep the rally going – Encourage back-and-forth interactions by asking questions, waiting for their response, or adding something new.

● Follow their lead – If they show interest in something, engage with them about it.

Every Interaction Matters

Even short moments of serve and return add up. Whether you’re changing a diaper, feeding, or just making eye contact, these everyday interactions lay the foundation for your baby’s future learning, relationships, and well-being. If you miss a serve, that’s okay. Just noticing and returning later (‘Did you want to play with this?’) shows your baby that you’re paying attention and care.^1,2,3

By practicing serve and return, you’re not just playing, you’re helping your baby grow in the best possible way!

Everyday Serve and Return Activities

Serve and return interactions are simple back-and-forth exchanges between a caregiver and an infant that build attachment, communication, and brain development. Here are some easy, natural ways parents and those in a parenting role can engage in serve and return activities:

Respond to Coos and Babbling

Baby: “Ahh-goo!”
Parent: “Oh wow! You have so much to say!”
Matching their sounds or adding words reinforces language development.

Make Eye Contact and Mirror Expressions

Baby smiles → Parent smiles back.
Baby furrows brow → Parent mimics the face and responds: “Oh, are you wondering what’s happening?”
This helps babies feel seen and understood.

Peek-a-Boo

Cover your face, then reveal it: “Peek-a-boo!”
When baby giggles or reacts, pause and wait for them to “serve” back before continuing.

Follow Their Gaze and Comment

Baby looks at a toy → Parent notices: “Oh! You see your bear? He’s so soft!”
Helps build curiosity and social connection.

Imitate Gestures and Movements

Baby waves hands → Parent waves back.
Baby claps → Parent claps too: “Yay, clapping hands!”

Sing and Pause for Response

Sing a song and pause to let the baby coo, smile, or move.
Example: “Twinkle, twinkle, little… (pause and wait for baby’s reaction).”

Play with Sounds

Make silly sounds and wait for baby’s response.
Example: Parent blows raspberries → baby giggles → parent does it again.

Encourage Movement and Interaction

Example: Hold a toy just out of reach → baby reaches → parent responds: “You got it!”
Helps with motor skills and problem-solving.

Read Together and Watch Their Cues

Point to pictures in a book: “See the puppy? He says, ‘Woof!’”
If baby reaches for a page, let them “turn” it to encourage engagement.

Comforting Touch and Rhythmic Interaction

● Example: Rocking baby and saying, “Shhh, you’re safe.”

● Patting baby’s back in rhythm while humming encourages regulation.

Summary of Serve and Return

● Notice the “serve” (baby’s sound, movement, gaze).

● Return the serve with words, touch, or expressions.

● Wait and watch for their response.

● Keep the interaction going as long as they’re engaged.

These simple activities strengthen emotional security and brain development without requiring extra effort, just tuning into the baby’s natural signals.

Supporting Your Child's Brain During Stress and Adversity

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Supporting Your Child During Stress and Adversity: Building a Strong Brain

Every parent or someone in a parenting role wants to give their child the best possible start in life. However, the reality is that adversity is a part of life. Whether it’s a stressful move, financial struggles, illness, or other challenges, difficult moments happen. The good news? Parents and those in a parenting role play a crucial role in shielding their child from stress and helping their brain develop strength and resilience.^1,2

What Are Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs)?

Adverse Childhood Events, or ACEs, are stressful or difficult experiences that can affect brain development. These might include^2:

● Family stress (divorce, financial struggles, a parent’s mental health challenges)

● Exposure to violence or instability

● Loss of a caregiver

● Serious illness or accidents

ACEs are common and often out of our control, but that doesn’t mean they define a child’s future. Research shows that a safe, loving relationship with a caregiver can protect a child’s brain from stress.

How Parents Buffer Stress and Build Resilience

A baby’s brain is growing faster in the first few years than at any other time in life. During this time, nurturing relationships, establishing predictable routines, and providing responsive care help build a strong and adaptable brain. When your child is overwhelmed, your calm presence helps regulate their stress response. Over time, your child learns to calm themselves; this is called co-regulation.^3

When babies feel safe and connected, they develop:

● Better stress management – Their nervous system learns how to calm down after stress.

● Stronger emotional regulation – They develop skills to handle frustration and big feelings.

● Less impulsivity later in life – They are more likely to pause, think, and make good decisions.

● Stronger relationships as adults – They feel secure in themselves and with others.

The Simple Foundations of a Healthy Baby Brain

Protecting your child’s brain from stress isn’t about perfection or doing everything “right.” It’s about providing a safe, secure, and nurturing environment where your child knows they are loved and cared for.

Here are the key ingredients that help buffer a child’s brain from stress^3:

Safe and Predictable Structure

● Babies and young children thrive on routine. Simple, predictable rhythms (morning cuddles, bedtime routines, regular meals) help them feel secure.

● They don’t need rigid schedules, just a sense of what comes next in their day.

Strong, Secure Relationships

● The most powerful buffer against stress is a loving, responsive caregiver.

● Even when hard things happen, knowing they have a safe person to turn to helps children process emotions and feel protected.

● Your support system, grandparents, siblings, extended family, or community, also helps buffer your child from stress. Connection comes in many forms.

Responsive Care

● When babies cry or reach out, responding with comfort teaches them that the world is a safe place.

● You don’t have to get it right every time; just showing up most of the time makes a difference.

Emotional Connection

● Talking to your baby, making eye contact, and simply being present help shape a brain that is wired for connection.

● Play, snuggles, and laughter all help regulate stress hormones and create positive brain pathways.

What If You’ve Experienced Stress as a Parent?

Many parents or someone in a parenting role have faced their own stress, trauma, or ACEs. It is important to remember:

● You are not alone.

● You are not defined by the past.

● You can break cycles of stress and build something new for your child.

Simply being aware of the power of secure attachment and making small, consistent efforts to be present and responsive creates lasting change.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect

Life isn’t always calm and predictable, and that’s okay. Children don’t need a perfect parent or someone in a parenting role; they need a "good enough" parent who shows up, responds with love most of the time, and repairs when needed. If you lose your temper or miss a cue, you can reconnect by saying: ‘I got frustrated, but I love you, and I’m here now.’ Repair teaches your child that relationships can recover and stay strong.

Every hug, every bedtime story, every moment of comfort builds a strong, resilient brain that can handle life’s ups and downs. You are your child’s greatest protective factor.

Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent

Thu, 31 Jul 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent: Why Your Well-Being Matters

Parenting a baby or toddler is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it’s also exhausting, overwhelming, and full of big emotions (both yours and your child’s). It’s easy to put all your energy into your little one and forget about yourself. But here’s the truth: your well-being directly affects your child’s well-being. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Why Your Health Matters for Your Child

Babies are wired to pick up on your emotions, body language, and stress levels. This happens because of something called mirror neurons, brain cells that help us “mirror” or reflect the feelings and behaviors of those around us. If you are feeling calm and regulated, your child is more likely to feel that way too.^1 If you’re overwhelmed or stressed, they can sense it. It’s normal to lose patience or feel overwhelmed, especially when you're tired. What matters most is reconnecting. Saying something like, “That was a hard moment, I’m here, and I love you,” teaches your child that even tough times can be repaired.

By caring for yourself, you’re not just helping yourself; you’re helping your baby feel safe, secure, and regulated.

Co-Regulation: The Power of Connection

Babies and young children don’t yet know how to calm themselves down when they’re upset. They rely on us to help them. This is called co-regulation, and it’s one of the most important ways parents support their child’s emotional development.^1,2

● When your baby cries and you pick them up, they feel comforted.

● When your toddler has a meltdown, and you stay calm, they learn how to handle big feelings.

● When you take deep breaths or use a soothing voice, your child’s nervous system responds to that.

But here’s the key: it’s hard to co-regulate your child when you’re running on empty. That’s why your own health, physical, emotional, and mental, is so important.

The Impact of Parental Stress

The U.S. Surgeon General has called mental health a national crisis, especially for parents and children. Chronic stress, lack of support, and exhaustion can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression, which don’t just affect you but also your child’s development.^3,4

Signs of parental burnout might include:

● Feeling emotionally drained or detached

● Losing patience quickly

● Feeling like you're just "going through the motions"

● Trouble sleeping, even when you're tired

● Feeling like you don’t have time for yourself

If any of these sound familiar, you are not alone, and there are things you can do to feel better. If you’re feeling persistently down, anxious, or overwhelmed, reaching out to your doctor or a mental health professional is a powerful act of care for you and your child.

Practical Ways to Take Care of Yourself

Ask for help – You don’t have to do this alone. Whether it’s a partner, friend, family member, or childcare provider, accepting help gives you space to recharge.
Find your people – Social connection is one of the best ways to reduce stress. Spend time with other parents who understand what you’re going through. Even a short chat or a shared laugh can help.
Take breaks – You are more than just a parent. Make time for things that bring you joy, whether that’s a walk, reading a book, or simply sitting in silence with a cup of coffee.
Move your body – Exercise isn’t just about fitness; it’s a powerful tool for stress relief. Even a short walk outside can reset your nervous system.
Prioritize rest – Sleep is tough with young kids, but even minor adjustments, like going to bed earlier or resting when your child naps, can help.
Breathe and reset – When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to pause. Deep breathing, stretching, or just stepping outside for fresh air can help you reset.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect – Just “Good Enough”

No parent is calm and patient all the time. The good news? You don’t have to be perfect. Research shows that children don’t need flawless parents; they need “good enough” parents who show up, repair mistakes, and keep trying.

The best thing you can do for your child is to take care of yourself. When you are supported, rested, and cared for, you can show up as the parent you want to be. And when things feel hard, remember: you are doing enough, and you are enough.

References

1. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). Toxic Stress and Self-Care for Parents. Retrieved fromhttps://developingchild.harvard.edu

2. Zero to Three. (2024). Parental Self-Care: Why It’s Important and How to Do It. Retrieved from https://www.zerotothree.org

3. National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (n.d.). Caring for Yourself as a Parent. Retrieved fromhttps://www.nctsn.org/resources

4. Office of the Surgeon General (OSG). Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents. Washington (DC): US Department of Health and Human Services (US); 2024.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2025). Taking Care of Yourself as a Parent. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org.

Finding the Right Mental Health Support for Your Child

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Finding the Right Mental Health Support for Your Child

Introduction

Finding support for your child’s mental health can feel overwhelming, but it’s a crucial step toward ensuring their well-being now and in the future. Providing timely support is key when a child is struggling with emotions, behaviors, or relationships. These challenges can impact your child’s learning, relationships, and even physical health. This resource is designed to help you understand the types of mental health support available and how to choose the right kind of care for your child.

Identifying the Right Type of Support at the Right Time

Mental health support is not “one-size-fits-all.” Every child’s needs are different, and the level of care required can vary widely. Some children might benefit from weekly therapy sessions, while others may find that joining a sports team or social group gives them the support they need. Being surrounded by people who love them is sometimes the best kind of support. This could be family or a friend group. Here’s a breakdown of some key forms of professional support:

Psychotherapy: This is often the first step in mental health support. A trained therapist can help your child talk through their feelings, explore their thoughts, and find ways to cope with their struggles. Therapists might have different ways of working with your child, for example, using play therapy or art therapy.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on helping your child recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns that might be causing stress or anxiety. This practical approach can teach them specific skills for managing tough situations. Another related therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), also focuses on teaching coping skills and helps manage intense emotions.
Family Therapy: This type of therapy involves the whole family and can improve how everyone communicates and supports one another. It’s beneficial if the issues your child faces affect the entire family.
Group Therapy: Group therapy involves sessions with peers experiencing similar issues. This can help your child realize they are not alone and can build social skills in a supportive setting.
Medication: Sometimes, a psychiatrist or healthcare professional may recommend medication to help manage conditions like anxiety, ADHD, or depression. Medication is often used alongside other forms of therapy.
Social Support & Community Engagement: Structured activities like sports, art classes, or clubs can help reduce feelings of isolation and boost your child’s confidence. Being part of a group activity offers a sense of belonging and can be an excellent support for your child.

When choosing the right support, remember that it’s essential to find what best fits your child’s unique needs.

How to Find the Right Therapist or Counselor

Finding the right therapist can be as important as choosing the type of therapy. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Values Alignment: Look for a counselor whose approach aligns with your family’s values. Do they understand your child’s needs and respect your family’s culture and goals?
Involvement of the Family: Consider whether the therapist will include you in the process, either through family therapy sessions or regular check-ins. Your involvement can make a big difference in helping your child feel supported.
Concrete Skills and Progress: Ask the therapist about the specific skills they will teach your child. Look for progress and ask the therapist to share how they plan to help your child develop coping skills.
Comfort and Connection: Your child should feel safe and comfortable with their therapist. A strong connection is crucial for building trust, which can make therapy more effective.

What to Do if It’s Not the Right Fit

If it seems like the therapist isn’t a good match—if progress is slow or your child doesn’t feel comfortable—it’s okay to change. Reach out to the therapist for feedback, or consider trying a different counselor who might be a better fit for your child. Don’t be afraid to change therapists if it isn’t working.

Matching the Intervention to Your Child’s Needs

Remember, each child’s path is unique. What works well for one child might not be ideal for another. Here are some tips for matching the support to your child’s specific needs:

Personalizing Support: Be open to experimenting with different types of therapy or support. Your child’s needs may change over time, and it’s normal to adjust as they grow.
Combining Therapy with Social Support: A balanced approach that includes both therapy and social engagement can be very effective. Being part of a supportive community can complement the work done in therapy sessions.
Making Adjustments as Needed: Keep an open mind about making changes along the way. If your child isn’t making progress or their needs shift, it may be time to try a new type of therapy or activity.

Paying for Services

Finding affordable mental health support for your child can seem challenging, but there are many options to explore. Start by checking with your health insurance provider to see what mental health services are covered, including in-person therapy, telehealth options, and any co-pays or deductibles you may need to consider. Some local mental health facilities offer sliding scale fees based on income or may even provide free services for families in need. Schools can also be a great resource, as many offer access to school counselors or psychologists at no cost and may connect you with additional community resources. Additionally, online platforms provide accessible options, often at a lower cost, for counseling or therapy. Some nonprofit organizations and mental health apps provide free or discounted resources, so don’t hesitate to explore a range of options to find the best fit for your family’s needs and budget.

Conclusion

Finding the right support for your child’s mental health is an important journey. With patience, openness, and a proactive approach, you can help your child thrive. Remember, there is no single “right” answer—just the path that works best for your child and your family. By seeking the right fit and staying involved, you provide your child with the best foundation for a healthy, happy future.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Finding the Right Mental Health Support for Your Child. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, it's natural to worry about your child’s well-being. With all the challenges children face today—like school stress, peer pressure, and social media—knowing when something is not okay with their mental health can be tough. This resource will help you recognize signs of trouble, understand when to worry, and learn how to prevent suicide by having open conversations and knowing what to do in difficult situations.

How to Tell If Your Child Is Okay

It’s normal for children to have mood swings or be upset at times, especially as they grow and change. However, there are some signs that may indicate a bigger issue, like anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Children and teens go through different stages of emotional and behavioral development, so mental health issues can show up differently depending on their age. Here's what to watch for in each stage:

Ages 5–10

In this age group, children are just beginning to develop social skills, build friendships, and manage their emotions. It’s normal for younger children to have occasional outbursts, but watch for:

Excessive clinginess or fear: It’s normal for children to want comfort from their parents, but extreme or prolonged separation anxiety can signal deeper distress. This might show up as constantly needing to be close, prolonged difficulty at drop-off, distress even with a brief separation, or difficulty sleeping alone.
Frequent temper tantrums: While tantrums are common in younger children, having them regularly at this age—especially if they’re intense or long-lasting—could indicate emotional struggles.
Withdrawing from play: If your child loses interest in playing with friends, engaging in hobbies, or participating in fun activities they used to enjoy, it might be a sign of anxiety or depression.
Physical complaints without a clear cause: Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues that don’t seem to have a medical explanation could be a child’s way of expressing emotional pain.
Trouble concentrating or completing tasks: Difficulty focusing on schoolwork, constant daydreaming, or falling behind in academic performance could point to attention issues or emotional distress.

If you notice any of these behaviors lasting for more than a few weeks, having a conversation with your child or a healthcare provider may be helpful.

Ages 11–14

Children/teens ages 11-14 experience many emotional ups and downs as they navigate puberty, peer pressure, and school changes. But some signs can suggest more serious mental health concerns, such as:

Significant mood swings: Hormones can cause irritability, but extreme or constant mood swings that disrupt daily life might signal anxiety or depression.
Social isolation: If your child/teen starts withdrawing from friends or avoids social activities, this could be a red flag, especially if they previously enjoyed these interactions.
Changes in school performance: A sudden drop in grades, difficulty focusing, or a lack of interest in school could mean your child/teen is struggling emotionally.
Risky or defiant behavior: This could include sneaking out, breaking rules, or engaging in unsafe activities. While pushing boundaries is normal at this age, extreme defiance may be a sign of distress.
Body image issues or eating changes: Early teens may develop unhealthy views of their bodies, leading to disordered eating or fixation on weight or appearance. Sudden changes in appetite or weight are important to address.

If these behaviors are persistent or becoming more severe, don’t hesitate to check in with your child/teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

Ages 15–19

Teens are striving for independence and may seem more withdrawn or secretive as they develop their own identities. However, some behaviors could be signals of mental health struggles:

Extreme irritability or anger: While it’s normal for teens to experience frustration, frequent explosive anger or irritability can indicate underlying issues, such as anxiety, depression, or even substance use.
Constant fatigue or changes in sleep: Sleeping too much or too little, staying up all night, or being tired all the time are common signs of mental health struggles like depression or anxiety.
Frequent self-criticism or low self-esteem: Teens who constantly put themselves down or seem overly self-critical may be dealing with deeper emotional pain.
Substance use: Experimenting with drugs or alcohol can be a sign that a teen is trying to cope with overwhelming emotions or mental health issues.
Withdrawing from family and friends: While some independence is normal, complete isolation from loved ones or a loss of interest in social activities can be a warning sign.
Engaging in risky behaviors: This might include dangerous driving, unsafe sexual behavior, or other impulsive actions. These behaviors can be a sign that your teen is struggling emotionally or feeling hopeless.

These behaviors don’t always mean something serious is going on, but if they last for weeks or seem to be getting worse, it might be time to step in and talk to your teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

When Should You Worry?

Some warning signs are more serious and can indicate that your child or teen is at risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Watch for:

talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
making statements like "I wish I were dead" or "Everyone would be better off without me."
engaging in risky or reckless behavior, like driving dangerously or experimenting with drugs
suddenly giving away personal belongings
withdrawing from family and friends completely
extreme changes in mood, including sudden calmness after being very upset (which can sometimes happen when someone has decided to end their life)

If you notice any of these signs, taking them seriously is important. Don’t wait—reach out for help. This might include reaching out to other adults in the child’s life, teachers, friends, family, or consulting with your healthcare provider.

How to Talk to Your Child About Suicide

Asking your child or teen if they are feeling suicidal or thinking about hurting themselves might feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most important things you can do. Studies show that talking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head—it can actually help prevent it.

Here are some steps to start the conversation:

Choose the right time and place: Pick a quiet, private time to talk, away from distractions. Let your child know that you want to have an important conversation.
Be calm and direct: You might say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really sad lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
Listen without judgment: If your child opens up, stay calm. Don’t react with anger or shock. Let them share how they’re feeling and listen carefully. Your goal is to understand, not to immediately offer solutions.
Offer support: Let your child know you are there for them, no matter what. You could say, “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m here to help, and we’ll get through this together.”
Seek professional help: If your child talks about wanting to harm themselves, it’s essential to get help right away. Reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline. If your child takes any specific action to harm themselves, like taking a large quantity of medications, an immediate trip to the ER is appropriate.

What Are the Warning Signs of Suicide?

Some warning signs that a child might be considering suicide include:

talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
looking for ways to do so, like searching online or trying to access weapons or pills
talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or in unbearable pain
feeling like they are a burden to others
withdrawing from friends and family
acting anxious, agitated, or reckless
sleeping too little or too much
displaying extreme mood swings

If your child shows these signs, take immediate action. Contact a therapist or counselor, visit a hospital, or call a suicide prevention hotline.

How Can You Help Your Child?

Prevention starts with being there for your child. Here are some strategies that can help:

Encourage open communication: Let your child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings. Avoid being dismissive or making light of their concerns. Ask how they’re doing regularly and listen closely to their answers.
Keep your home safe: If you’re worried about your child harming themselves, make sure to limit their access to dangerous items, such as medications, sharp objects, or firearms.
Teach them coping skills: Help your child manage stress and difficult emotions by teaching them healthy coping strategies, such as journaling, exercising, talking to someone, or practicing mindfulness.
Encourage healthy habits: Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sleep can significantly impact mental health. Encourage your child to stay active, eat well, and get enough rest.
Get professional support: Don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional if you are concerned. Therapists, counselors, and doctors can offer guidance and provide your child with tools to manage their feelings.

Understanding Self-Harm: What It Means and What to Do

Self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or scratching the skin, is a behavior some children and teens use to cope with overwhelming emotions. While self-harm doesn’t necessarily mean your child is suicidal, it is a serious issue that shouldn’t be ignored. For many parents, discovering that their child is engaging in self-harm can feel terrifying, but understanding why it happens and how to respond can make a huge difference.

Why Do Children and Teens Self-Harm?

Self-harm is often a way for children and teens to manage emotions they find hard to express. Some common reasons include:

Emotional release: Self-harm can provide temporary relief from intense emotions like sadness, anger, or anxiety. It may be a way to release the emotional pressure they’re feeling.
Feeling in control: For some children, hurting themselves is a way to feel more in control of their emotions or environment, especially when other parts of life feel chaotic.
Numbing emotional pain: Physical pain from self-harm can sometimes feel easier to deal with than emotional pain.
A cry for help: While self-harm isn’t always a sign of suicidal thoughts, it is often a way to signal that they are struggling emotionally and don’t know how to ask for help.
Disconnection or numbness: Some children and teens feel emotionally "numb" and turn to self-harm as a way to feel something, even if it’s physical pain.

It’s important to remember that self-harm is rarely about wanting to die—it’s more about trying to cope. However, it’s still dangerous and can lead to serious injury, and in some cases, it can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts later.

What to Do If Your Child Is Self-Harming

If you discover your child self-harming, handling the situation with care and compassion is crucial. Here are some steps to take:

Stay calm: It’s natural to feel shocked or upset but try not to react with anger or panic. Staying calm will help your child feel safe and more willing to talk about what they’re going through.
Open the conversation: Gently approach the topic by saying something like, “I’ve noticed some marks on your skin, and I’m really concerned. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Let them know you’re there to help, not to judge.
Listen without judgment: Your child may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their behavior. It’s important to listen and offer support rather than immediate solutions. Try to understand why they are self-harming and what emotions they’re trying to manage.
Get professional help: Self-harm is a sign that your child needs additional support. Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a counselor or therapist, who can help your child learn healthier ways to cope with their emotions.
Remove potential tools for self-harm: If your child is cutting, for example, try to limit their access to sharp objects. This won’t stop the underlying issue, but it can reduce the risk of injury while they get help.
Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Help your child find safer ways to manage difficult emotions. This might include journaling, drawing, exercising, or using stress-relief tools like squeezing a stress ball.

How to Support Your Child

It’s essential to reassure your child that you’re there for them, no matter what. Let them know it’s okay to struggle, and you’ll help them find healthier coping methods. Self-harm can be challenging to overcome, but with support and professional guidance, many children and teens can learn better ways of dealing with their feelings.

Remember, your response as a parent or someone in a parenting role can play a huge part in your child’s healing process. Stay patient, keep the communication lines open, and ensure they know they aren’t alone.

How to Help Your Child Cope in Healthier Ways

Part of addressing self-harm is helping your child find better strategies to cope with their emotions. Some alternatives include:

Creative outlets: Encourage activities like drawing, journaling, or music, which can help them express their feelings in non-harmful ways.
Physical activity: Exercise, such as running, dancing, or even hitting a pillow, can provide an emotional release and help reduce stress.
Relaxation techniques: Teach your child mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation to help them calm their mind when feeling overwhelmed.
Talking to someone: Encourage them to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor when they’re feeling down.

Self-Harm and Suicide

While self-harm is not always linked to suicidal thoughts, it’s important to take the behavior seriously. Some children who self-harm may also be experiencing suicidal ideation, or they may eventually turn to more dangerous actions if their emotional pain continues to build. If you’re worried that your child is thinking about suicide, don’t hesitate to ask them directly, just as you would with any other mental health concern.

Conclusion

Self-harm is a cry for help, not attention, and it signals that your child is dealing with emotional pain they can’t handle alone. By approaching the situation with empathy, having open conversations, and seeking professional support, you can help your child move away from self-harming behaviors and towards healthier coping strategies.

Your child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health. By paying attention to warning signs, keeping communication open, and taking action when necessary, you can help protect them from harm. Remember, it’s always better to talk openly about these issues than to avoid them. If you’re ever unsure, trust your instincts and seek help early. Your support can make a world of difference in your child’s life.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

© 2024 Center for Health and Safety Culture at Montana State University

This content does not necessarily reflect the views or policies of the Tools for Your Child’s Success communities, financial supporters, contributors, SAMHSA, or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Supporting Your Child's Mental Health and Resilience

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 09:00:00 -0700

Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health and Building Resilience

Parenting can feel overwhelming at times, especially when it comes to supporting your child’s mental health. But here’s the good news: as their parent or someone in a parenting role, you are uniquely qualified to help them navigate these challenges and build resilience. You may not always have all the answers, and that’s okay. Understanding some key concepts and practicing a few strategies can make a big difference in your child’s mental and emotional well-being.

Struggles Are Normal, but Support Is Key

Struggling with mental health symptoms is a normal part of being human. It’s common to feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed at times. These feelings only become a concern when they’re too intense or difficult to manage without help. Your child might not always know how to handle these big feelings on their own, and that’s where you come in. As their parent, you can help them figure out what’s going on and how to deal with it in healthy ways.

The Power of Coregulation

A concept called coregulation can be extremely helpful in understanding how to help your child. Everyone has what’s called a window of tolerance. This is the zone where we feel calm and able to think clearly. When we’re outside this window—feeling overwhelmed or shutting down—it can lead to behaviors like tantrums, yelling, or withdrawal.

For children and teens, it’s especially hard to return to their window of tolerance on their own. They need a trusted adult to help them regulate their emotions, and that’s where coregulation comes in. As a parent, your calm presence can help soothe your child’s nervous system. Here are some ways you can practice coregulation:

Stay calm even when your child is not.
Use a gentle voice and a steady tone.
Get down to their eye level or lower to help them feel safe.
Offer soothing strategies, like deep breathing or hugging.

When you practice coregulation, you teach your child how to manage their emotions over time.

Modeling Healthy Habits

Your child learns by watching you. If you want your child to handle stress well and care for their mental health, it’s important to model those behaviors yourself. That means taking care of your own well-being and showing your child what healthy coping looks like. The U.S. Surgeon General recently shared that parental stress is at an all-time high, which is why self-care is essential, not selfish.

Here are some self-care strategies you can use and model:

Build a strong support system by staying connected with friends, family, or a community.
Get enough sleep - it’s crucial for your mood and energy levels.
Exercise regularly to reduce stress and boost your mental health.
Eat nutritious foods to fuel your body and mind.
Take breaks when you need them. Step away, breathe, and recharge.
Practice gratitude by looking for the positive moments in your day.

When your child sees you prioritizing your mental health, they learn that it’s important to care for themselves, too.

Repairing After Conflict

There will be times when you and your child have conflict – it’s just part of parenting. What matters most is how you handle it afterward. As the parent, it’s your responsibility to initiate the repair, even if your child was the one who started the argument.

After you both have had time to cool off, you might say something like:

“I know you were really angry just now and said some things you probably didn’t mean. Are you ready to talk about it, or do you need more time?”

If you’re still upset, it’s okay to say:

“I’m feeling really upset right now and don’t have the words yet. Let’s come back to this soon.”

By modeling this kind of communication, you show your child how to take responsibility, apologize, and rebuild trust.

Self-Soothing: Healthy vs. Harmful

Learning to calm ourselves is a key skill for both children and adults. As a parent, you can help your child develop healthy self-soothing habits. However, it’s important to guide them away from unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Healthy self-soothing might include deep breathing, listening to calming music, journaling, or spending time in nature.
Unhealthy self-soothing, like excessive screen time or addictive behaviors, can actually make problems worse. While it’s tempting to let a phone or tablet calm your child, relying too much on technology can create new challenges over time.

Encourage your child to explore ways to soothe themselves that feel good and support their overall well-being.

Collaborating with Schools and Professionals

You don’t have to support your child’s mental health on your own – schools and professionals can be valuable partners. They provide resources, guidance, and expertise that can make a big difference in your child’s well-being. Here’s how you can work together effectively:

Build Relationships with Key School Personnel
Start by connecting with your child’s teacher, school counselor, or school psychologist. These individuals often have insights into your child’s behavior and emotions in the classroom.

Share relevant information about your child, such as recent life changes or challenges.
Ask how your child is doing academically, socially, and emotionally.
Collaborate to create strategies that support your child at school and home.

Utilize School Resources
Many schools offer mental health support, including counseling, social skills groups, or behavior intervention plans. Don’t hesitate to ask about:

504 Plans or Individualized Education Programs (IEPs) if your child has specific needs.
Workshops or resources for parents on mental health and wellness.

Involve Outside Professionals When Needed
If your child struggles beyond what the school can address, consider seeking external help, such as a therapist, psychiatrist, or developmental specialist.

Ask the school counselor for recommendations or referrals.
Share relevant updates with the school team (e.g., if your child is starting therapy or on a treatment plan) to ensure consistent support.

Be an Advocate for Your Child
As a parent, you are your child’s voice. If you feel their needs aren’t being met, speak up.

Be specific about what you observe and how it affects your child.
Partner with teachers and staff.

By fostering a collaborative relationship, you build a supportive network that helps your child thrive.

The Role of Technology in Mental Health: Positives and Negatives

Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health. It can be a powerful tool for growth and connection but also a source of stress or unhealthy habits. Here’s how parents can navigate the positives and negatives:

Positives of Technology

Access to Mental Health Resources:
Apps for mindfulness, meditation, and emotional regulation can teach your child/teen healthy coping skills. Examples include Headspace, Calm, and Moodpath.
Fostering Connection:
Technology allows your child to maintain friendships and connect with others who share their interests, especially when in-person connections are limited.
Educational Opportunities:
Many platforms offer educational content that promotes emotional intelligence, resilience, and social skills.
Creative Outlets:
Video editing, digital art, music creation, and writing apps allow your child to express themselves and process emotions creatively.

Negatives of Technology

Overuse and Dependence:
Excessive screen time can disrupt sleep, increase irritability, and limit face-to-face interaction or physical activity opportunities.
Impact of Social Media:
Social media platforms can negatively affect self-esteem, body image, and social comparison. Encourage your child to curate their feed with positive content and teach them to critically evaluate what they see online.
Escapism or Avoidance:
Children may use screens to avoid dealing with difficult emotions, which can delay the development of healthy coping mechanisms.
Exposure to Harmful Content:
Cyberbullying, inappropriate material, or harmful messages can deeply impact mental health.

How Parents Can Help

Set Clear Boundaries:
Create family rules around screen time, such as no devices during meals or before bed. Use parental controls to ensure safety.
Model Healthy Habits:
Show your child how to balance technology use by limiting your own screen time and prioritizing face-to-face connections.
Encourage Tech-Free Zones:
Designate areas of the home, such as bedrooms, as screen-free spaces to promote better sleep and downtime.
Teach Digital Literacy:
Help your child critically evaluate online content and recognize when it’s time to unplug.

By guiding your child’s use of technology, you can help them benefit from its positive aspects while minimizing the negatives.

Reducing Stress in the Family System

When stress levels are high in the family, it impacts everyone. By reducing stress within the family system, you create an environment where both you and your child can feel more balanced and connected. Here are practical ways to lower family stress:

Simplify Schedules
Overpacked schedules can leave everyone feeling drained.

Prioritize activities that bring joy and connection.
Leave room for downtime and unstructured play.

Create Predictable Routines
Routines provide stability and reduce uncertainty, which is especially comforting for children.

Have consistent meals and bedtimes.
Build small rituals, like a family game night or a weekend walk.

Practice Mindfulness Together
Mindfulness exercises can help everyone stay present and grounded.

Try breathing exercises, guided meditations, or yoga as a family.
Encourage gratitude by sharing something positive from the day during dinner or bedtime.

Focus on Communication
Open communication reduces misunderstandings and builds trust.

Hold regular family check-ins to talk about how everyone is feeling.
Use “I” messages to express needs and emotions (“I feel overwhelmed when we rush in the morning. Can we plan ahead the night before?”).

Take Breaks When Needed
It’s okay for parents to step away to reset when feeling overwhelmed.

Teach your child that taking breaks to calm down isn’t avoidance—it’s a way to come back stronger.

Delegate and Share Responsibilities
No one can do it all. Involve your children in age-appropriate chores to share the load and teach responsibility.
Celebrate Small Wins
Stress can feel overwhelming, but celebrating small victories helps shift the focus to the positive.

Acknowledge family successes, like completing homework on time or showing kindness to a sibling.

By intentionally addressing stress as a family, you create a calmer environment where everyone can thrive.

Conclusion

Parenting isn’t about being perfect – it’s about showing up, learning, and growing alongside your child. By staying calm, modeling healthy habits, and repairing when things go wrong, you’re giving your child the tools they need to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and confidence. You’ve got this!

The First 24 Hours, Week, and 6 Weeks of a Child in Foster Care Joining Your Family

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 09:00:00 -0700

The first 24 hours, week, and six weeks of a child in foster care joining your family.

Underage Drinking - What Does the Law Say in Montana?

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Underage Drinking - what does the law say in Montana?

Preparing For a Child in Foster Care

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Preparing for a child in foster care.

Cannabis- What Does the Law Say in Montana?

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Cannabis - what does the law say in Montana?

What Do I Do When Important People In My Life Have Different Ideas About Parenting My Child?

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 09:00:00 -0700

What do I do when important people in my life have different ideas about parenting my child?

Deciding to Become a Foster Parent?

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Deciding to Become a Foster Parent?

Child Trauma

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Child Trauma

Introduction

Negative experiences can disrupt a child’s sense of safety and security. These negative experiences in childhood are sometimes referred to as child trauma. Research suggests more than two-thirds of children report experiencing at least one traumatic event by age 16.^1 Examples of these experiences can include events that happen once, like the death of a loved one, parental separation or divorce, or a serious car accident.^1 They can also include traumatic experiences that occur repeatedly, like physical or emotional abuse, neglect, being bullied, witnessing violence at home or school, or living with someone who has a mental health or substance use disorder.^1 Traumatic experiences can overwhelm a child’s ability to cope with what they have experienced, which can lead to child traumatic stress^2 and long-lasting effects that negatively impact health, well-being, and opportunities in life.^3

Fortunately, children who have experienced traumatic events can recover and flourish. Creating safe, stable, nurturing relationships and environments for children can buffer against the effects of negative experiences and help children thrive.^4 As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your support and guidance matters greatly. Learning about child trauma and how it can affect your child will help you support them. It will help your child feel safe and manage their strong and sometimes overwhelming feelings and behaviors while building a healthy parent-child relationship.

This document provides an overview of how a child’s brain responds to stress, the impact of child trauma on health and well-being, and reactions to trauma at various stages of child development. This document also provides guidance for what actions you can take to support your child after they have experienced a traumatic event and what you can do to help your child manage challenging behaviors. Finally, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, your child’s trauma affects you as well. While caring for and supporting your child through their difficult moments, it is vital to take care of yourself. Guidance on specific actions to care for yourself with compassion is provided.

The Brain’s Response to Stress

Learning how to respond to and manage stress is a normal part of a healthy child development. When a child is exposed to an everyday stressor, their body’s stress response system is activated. For example, meeting a new friend, giving a speech in science class, or learning a new skill like how to ride a bike causes the body’s natural stress response to activate. A stress response generally includes an increased heart rate and a slight elevation in the hormone cortisol.^5 In these situations, the stress response is brief, and the body quickly returns to normal.^5 While the experience might be stressful, a child doesn’t experience any adverse lasting effects.^5These everyday experiences are a typical part of healthy development and necessary for a child to develop a positive stress response system,^5 which they will need throughout their life.

In contrast to everyday experiences that cause a positive or tolerable stress response, some experiences can be traumatic, “meaning they threaten the life or physical integrity of the child or someone significant to the child (such as a parent or those in a parenting role or sibling.).”^6 Traumatic experiences include singular events like a vehicle accident or the death of a loved one.^1 They can also include recurring events like physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence at home or school.^1 Traumatic experiences like these can result in the child experiencing a toxic stress response where the body is on high alert, and the child experiences strong feelings and intense physical reactions.^5 They can experience a fight, flight, or freeze response, which is the brain’s way of helping the child survive but can significantly reduce effective problem-solving and inhibit their coping skills.^1,2 Toxic stress can leave children of any age feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable, and ill-equipped to cope with what they have experienced.^1,5 A toxic stress response can “disrupt the development of brain architecture and other organ systems, and increase the risk for stress-related disease and cognitive impairment, well into the adult years.”^5

Responses to Traumatic Events at Different Ages

Not all children who experience something traumatic will develop traumatic stress or experience the traumatic event in the same way.^5 Many factors contribute to how a child will respond to a traumatic event. Factors that influence a child’s traumatic response include the age and developmental stage of the child, whether they have had other traumatic experiences, whether the traumatic experiences are reoccurring, whether the child is the victim or witness of the trauma, and if the child has caring and supportive relationships with adults that can help buffer the stress of the experience.^6

While responses to a traumatic experience can vary, understanding some of the general responses of children at different developmental stages can help you as a parent or someone in a parenting role understand why your child behaves the way they do and learn ways to provide support and guidance when it's needed most.

Ages 0-4

Children ages 0-4 are experiencing many rapid changes. Infants and children are learning about themselves, their strengths and limitations, why they feel the way they do, and how they relate to others.^4 They are experiencing rapid brain development. Research suggests that 90% of a child’s brain develops by age five.^7Both positive and negative early life experiences greatly influence their brain development.^8

Experiencing a traumatic event at a young age can cause both behavioral and physiological symptoms.^8Young children who have experienced an exceptionally stressful event “may be clingy, fearful of new situations, easily frightened, difficult to console, and aggressive and impulsive. They may also have difficulty sleeping, lose recently acquired developmental skills, and show regression in functioning and behavior.”^8 Young children may “cry or scream a lot, eat poorly or lose weight, and have nightmares.”^9 Young children cry to communicate their strong feelings like fear, confusion, helplessness, or frustration. Play is a primary form of learning for young children. A child who has experienced trauma may “repeat all or part of the traumatic event” when playing or repeat a specific moment of the trauma repeatedly in their play.^11

Ages 5-10

Children ages 5-10 are learning to understand rules, cooperate with others, and are excited to try new activities. A child’s learning is based on interactions with others in their environment. They are increasingly engaged in social play. Children ages 5-10 who have experienced a traumatic or exceptionally stressful event may struggle to concentrate or have recurring thoughts of the event, which could include intrusive dreams.^10 They may fear a similar event will happen ^10and avoid people, places, and things that make them think of the trauma that has occurred.^11 They may also avoid talking about “anything remotely related to the traumatic events” or talk about “certain events all the time.” ^11 Children may react to situations or events like a much younger child would react.^11 They may have a hard time getting restful sleep.^9 Children ages 5-10 may act out in social situations, deliberately break rules, or misbehave.^10 Children may respond with intense feelings like anxiety, anger, irritability, and grief, or they may have physical reactions like headaches or stomach aches.^10

Ages 11-14

Children/Teens ages 11-14 are experiencing many physical body changes related to puberty and are growing in their cognitive and social awareness.^10 Like younger children, children/teens ages 11-14 who experience an exceptionally stressful event may have difficulty concentrating, and their school performance may suffer.^10 For example, their grades might start to decline.^10 They may experience intense feelings like worry, guilt, shame, and fear. They may feel isolated and alone.^9 They may also withdraw from their friends, normal routines, or activities they once enjoyed.^11

Ages 15-19

Teens ages 15-19 strive to figure out who they are and want to be as they gain greater independence. Teens can anticipate the consequences of their behaviors and modify them to meet their long-term goals and aspirations.^11 Teens ages 15-19 who have experienced a traumatic or exceptionally stressful event may develop symptoms of depression.^9 They may lose interest in once enjoyable activities or need more energy to get through the day.^9 They may have difficulty learning new information and paying attention in school.^11 They may also struggle to develop trusting relationships with others.^11 Teens may start using alcohol or engage in other risky behaviors as a response to trauma.^9

Reactions to Trauma Reminders (Triggers) at Any Age

Regardless of a child’s age, after a child has experienced a traumatic event, they may encounter things that remind them of the experience. These reminders are often called trauma reminders or triggers.^11 Triggers vary and are specific to the child but can include specific places, smells, emotions, or sounds. Triggers can relate to specific times or events like birthdays or holidays.^11 Triggers can also include people that a child connects to a traumatic event.^11 For example, if a child has experienced physical or emotional violence, being around anything that reminds them of the experience, like hearing someone yelling (trigger), can make them feel like they are experiencing the traumatic event again. Trauma reminders or triggers can elicit the fight, flight, or freeze response.^12 Triggers can elicit intense physical reactions and intense feelings and can cause children to display challenging and often difficult behaviors.^11 These responses “are best thought of as reflexes – they are not deliberate or planned.”^12

Parents Play an Important Role

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your support can minimize the effects of traumatic experiences and help your child feel safe, understand and manage intense feelings and physical reactions, understand and manage difficult behaviors, and develop resilience to overcome challenges.^11 Actions you can take to support your child’s healing process and address their challenging behaviors are provided. Further, because caring for a child who has experienced trauma can be difficult, there is also a list of actions that you can take to care for yourself as well.

Actions to Support Your Child’s Healing Process

Supporting your child after a traumatic experience can help them recover and thrive. Here are some actions you can take to support your child’s healing and grow a healthy parent-child relationship.

● Make sure your child’s environment is conducive to healing. It is not likely that your child can recover from trauma if they continue to live in an environment that is not safe, stable, or nurturing.^13

● Pay close attention to your child’s cues about how they feel.

o For young children, their facial expressions, body movements, and sounds can help you understand what they are trying to communicate.

o For older children, reassure them they are safe and all feelings are accepted. It is okay to feel angry, sad, scared, or lonely. Don’t discount how your child feels or try to talk them out of a feeling by saying something like, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” Instead, when your child shares a feeling, acknowledge it and offer a reflection. You could say, “Thanks for sharing how you feel about that. I can see why you would feel sad.”

● Consistently respond to and meet your child’s needs.^11 Being responsive to your child’s cries and needs and showing them love and care is critical for building your child’s resilience and helping them reestablish a sense of safety.

● Establish consistent and predictable routines. Establishing routines can reestablish safety and security. Eating meals, doing homework, doing chores, and waking up and going to bed at predictable times are ways to establish consistency and predictability throughout the day.

● Meet your child where they are.^14 For example, if your child is used to sleeping without a nightlight and now requires one to go to sleep, that’s okay. Turn the nightlight on and let your child know you are here for them when they need it.

● Learn about the grief process. Grief is a normal reaction to a traumatic event. Understanding the grieving process for children can help you know what your child is working through and offer you empathy and patience.

● Invite your child to talk about the traumatic experience and their feelings, but don’t push them to share. You could say, “I am here if you want to talk, but it is okay if you don’t want to talk about it right now. You can come to me at any time.” Sometimes, simply being present as your child engages in play or another activity is reassuring and comforting.

● As your child ages, ask them how you can support them. You could say, “I know you are struggling with what happened. How can I support you?” Allow time for them to think about it.

● Model good listening skills. Good listening will increase the likelihood that your child will talk to you about topics that concern them.

● Share your feelings about the traumatic experience in an age-appropriate way. Sharing how you feel can let your child know it is also okay for them to share big feelings with you. “I feel sad and angry about what happened.”

● Brainstorm ways your child can manage intense physical reactions and feelings safely and appropriately. For example, teach your child to breathe deeply. Deep breathing is more than just a nice thing to do. It decreases the stress chemicals that have flowed over your brain and allows you to regain access to your creativity, language, and logic rather than staying stuck in your primal brain. Practicing deep breathing with your child can offer them a powerful tool to use anytime, anywhere they feel overwhelmed with intense feelings or physical reactions.

● Help your child notice and name their trauma triggers so they can develop self-awareness and learn to manage their reactions. You could say, “I notice that when you hear an angry voice, you freeze. What do you notice in your body when that happens? What feelings do you have when you hear an angry voice?”

● If your child experiences a trauma reminder or trigger, and you are with them, respond by assuring them they are safe. Using a calm voice, encourage them to breathe or use another one of their coping strategies. You could breathe with them slowly. Don’t try to talk about the situation until they are calm (they won’t hear you until then).

● Point out your child's resilience when working through intense physical reactions and feelings. This will help them notice their resilience and know it is there when the next challenge arises. You could say, “I noticed that when you heard someone yelling, you started practicing deep breathing. That’s great. How did it feel to use that strategy to help calm yourself?”

Actions to Address Challenging Behaviors

Children who have experienced a traumatic or exceptionally stressful event that caused a toxic stress response may display challenging behavior. Those challenging behaviors can be difficult and disrupt daily life. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your response when dealing with challenging behaviors is essential. Your goal is to address the challenging behavior while also maintaining and building your relationship with your child.

After experiencing trauma, it may feel like your child has regressed. You may see behaviors you haven’t seen in a while. Teaching your child to experience their intense physical reactions and feelings in safe and appropriate ways is critical to your child’s healing. Rest assured, you can help your child grow skills to manage their thoughts, feelings, and actions. Here are some actions you can take to address challenging behaviors.

● While reacting quickly to your child’s challenging behaviors can be easy, give yourself time to reflect before responding. This short reflection time can help you respond with empathy and connection and help you avoid being reactive to their behavior. Ask yourself:

o “What are some reasons my child might behave this way?” Remember, you want to look past the behavior to uncover the feelings that may be influencing the behavior. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, the challenge is to avoid interpreting the behavior before trying to understand what is motivating the behavior. For example, feeling unsafe may be encouraging inappropriate behavior.

o “What is my reaction to this behavior? How do I feel?” Remember, your emotions and current state of mind will influence your listening and talking.

o “What positive behavior do I need to teach and help my child to practice?”

● Focus on the relationship before the content.

o For parents or those in a parenting role with infants, connect by responding to their cries. Notice gestures and narrate what you are doing. You could say, “I hear you crying. I think you might need a diaper change. Let’s see if that helps.”

o For parents or those in a parenting role with young children, connect by getting down on your child’s level, making eye contact, and then engaging them by noticing their gestures or facial expressions and listening for thoughts and feelings. You could say, “You look angry because your face is red. Are you feeling angry?”

o For parents or those in a parenting role of children and teens, connect by being fully present. Put phones or screens away to avoid distraction. Share what you notice and invite a conversation. You could say, “You seem worried. Is that right? I would like to talk about how things went. Would now be a good time for us to talk?”

● Use intentional communication[1] to engage in a conversation with your child.

● After engaging in intentional communication, spend time reflecting on your experience. You could ask yourself:

o ”Did I react in a constructive way that could foster learning for my...

Is My Child Vaping - What Do I Do?

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Is My Child Vaping? What Do I Do?

Introduction

E-cigarettes are electronic devices that heat a liquid and produce an aerosol that can be inhaled.^1 E-cigarettes are also called “e-cigs,” “e-hookahs,” “mods,” “vape pens,” “tank systems,” and “electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS)”.^1 Smoking e-cigarettes is called vaping.

Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine.^1 Nicotine is addictive and can be harmful to your child’s/teen’s developing brain.^1 There is a common misconception that the vapor inhaled from an e-cigarette is water vapor and is not harmful. However, in addition to nicotine, the aerosol produced from e-cigarettes may also contain other harmful chemicals that can result in inflammation and irritation of the lungs and cardiovascular problems.^2 ^3

E-cigarettes are the most commonly used tobacco product among teens.^1 It has been suggested that e-cigarettes may be more appealing to children/teens because they may think vaping e-cigarettes is safer than smoking traditional cigarettes, e-cigarettes cost less than traditional cigarettes, and e-cigarettes don’t smell.^3Further, e-cigarettes come in different designs, colors, and sizes, and they can come in sweet, fruity, minty, and candy-like flavors, making them more desirable to children/teens.^1

If you are worried that your child/teen may be vaping, don’t panic. There are many resources available to help. Let’s explore some of the side effects of vaping, the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options available for getting your child/teen help to stop vaping.

Side Effects of Vaping^4 ^5

● coughing

● shortness of breath

● eye irritation

● headaches

● mouth and throat irritation

● heart palpitations

● dizziness or nausea

● weakened taste

Symptoms of Nicotine Withdrawal^6

Because e-cigarettes contain nicotine, an addictive substance, if a child/teen stops vaping, they may experience symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. At the same time, their brain and body are getting used to not having nicotine.^6 Nicotine withdrawal may be uncomfortable but isn’t harmful, and the symptoms of withdrawal will lessen over time.^6

Symptoms of nicotine withdrawal may include:^6

● having urges or cravings to smoke

● feeling irritated, restless, or jumpy

● having a difficult time concentrating

● having trouble sleeping

● feeling hungry or gaining weight

● feeling anxious or sad

What Do I Do First?

Start by having a conversation with your child/teen. If you are worried that your child/teen is vaping, prepare for this conversation so that you do not enter the conversation panicked, anxious, or angry. Your child/teen will react similarly and get defensive if you are angry and upset. Remember that the goal of your conversation is to foster an open and honest dialogue, listen actively to your child’s/teen’s thoughts and feelings, and share your concerns. Be prepared to ask follow-up questions and avoid judgment or lecturing. The strategies for intentional communication will come in handy during this conversation.

● Ensure you have enough time for this conversation so it is not rushed or interrupted.

● Make use of an everyday opportunity to talk about vaping, like when you are watching TV or a movie together. For example, while watching a movie, you could pause during a relevant scene and ask your child/teen what they think of the portrayal. You could say, “Does this accurately reflect how everyone sees vaping?” “Do you think the characters are making smart choices regarding vaping?”

● Use an open-ended question to gather information. You could start the conversation about vaping with curiosity and willingness to learn from your child/teen. This might sound like, “Tell me what you know about vaping.” Listen actively to foster an open and honest dialogue. Then, share your concerns about vaping, but be careful not to lecture.

● Start the conversation with a direct approach. That might sound like, “What are some of the stories you hear from your friends about vaping?”

● Let your child/teen know you are there to support and provide whatever help and resources your child/teen may need.

● Several short discussions held frequently rather than a one-shot, long, drawn-out conversation will have a lasting “sticking” impact over time (meaning multiple, ongoing conversations/dialogues are more effective – not a one-and-done approach).

Now What?

There are generally two outcomes that result from having a conversation with your child/teen about vaping. One outcome is that you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, feel better and are reassured that your child/teen is not using e-cigarettes. The other outcome is that you are still concerned. Let’s explore both outcomes and discuss strategies to help in both situations.

I Have Talked With My Child/Teen, and I Am Reassured That My Child/Teen Is Not Vaping.

Even if you are reassured that your child/teen is not vaping, it is still essential to assure your child/teen that you are available should they have questions about vaping or concerns about a friend who may be vaping.

Affirm your child’s/teen’s behavior not to use e-cigarettes.

The conversation opener might sound like: “I’m so glad we can have these conversations, and I appreciate you being truthful with me. I am also glad that you have made the choice not to use e-cigarettes or vape.”

Invite your child/teen to engage with you in conversation in the future if they have a friend they are concerned about or if they make the choice at any point to use e-cigarettes.

These conversation openers could look something like this:

● “I’m proud of your choices, and you should be too. I know that the pressure to try e-cigarettes at your age can be intense. Tell me a little more about what kind of pressure you’re feeling. Do you think others in your social circle feel similar pressure?”

● “You should be proud of the choices you’ve made. It can be hard when your friends are vaping, and you decide you’re not going to. Is there anything you could use for support if you do feel pressured to try vaping? Please know that we can talk about it at any time.”

I Have Talked With My Child/Teen, and I Am Still Concerned That My Child/Teen Is Vaping…

…And My Child/Teen Is Concerned as Well.

It can be difficult to realize that your child/teen might be vaping. Parents or those in a parenting role often believe that their child’s/teen’s behavior reflects them and their parenting. This can lead to parents or those in a parenting role wanting to deny that their child is engaging in risky behavior.

As difficult as it can be, having these tough conversations with your child/teen is essential. It is also important to remind your child/teen that, according to your household rules, using e-cigarettes or vaping is not permissible due to the negative impacts on their health and well-being. This includes experimenting or “just trying” e-cigarettes and the use of any other drugs. Work to withhold judgment and anger about your child’s/teen’s choices, keep your questions open-ended (avoid questions that only allow for “yes” or “no” answers), and be comfortable with silence as you and your child/teen process this conversation.

Possible conversation openers include:

● “I am concerned about your vaping, and it sounds like you might also be concerned. How can we work together to make some changes around this behavior?”

● “It sounds like we are both concerned about your vaping. The fact that you recognize this is an issue is an important step in making some changes. Let’s talk about ways to support you to stop.”

● “I appreciate you being open with me and am so glad that you want to make this change. Know that I will support and work with you on this.”

…But My Child/Teen Is Not Concerned.

Unfortunately, if a child/teen is using e-cigarettes, the nicotine in them is highly addictive, and the likelihood that they will just stop vaping is low. Without intervention, the problem continues to worsen. It is not because your child/teen is not strong enough or doesn’t have the willpower. Because of the impact that nicotine has on the brain, it is difficult for your child/teen to quit and may need your support.

The earlier you intervene, the easier it will be for your child/teen to get back on track. If your child/teen is vaping regularly, some resources can help. (See below “Additional Support” for more information and resources.)

CALL Out Box: The earlier you intervene, the easier it will be for your child/teen to make a change.

Your child/teen may appear to deny that they have a problem with vaping. Use language expressing concern while withholding judgment and anger about their choices. Avoid questions that elicit only “yes” or “no” responses, and be comfortable with silence as you and your child/teen process this conversation.

You may find that the conversation gets complicated, and feelings escalate. It is okay for you or your child/teen to take a break. Be open to this and agree to continue the conversation at a specific future time if necessary. The conversation starters below assume some level of denial or resistance from your child.

The following possibilities take an empathetic, gentler approach:

● “I want to be open with you - I am concerned about your health and the impact vaping might have on it. Let’s talk about what makes it hard to stop so we can find ways to overcome those challenges together.”

● “I am really concerned about your vaping. I was your age once, and I know what it’s like to deal with pressure from friends and the stress of school and activities. I am here to support you, and I am also responsible for keeping you safe. Talk to me about how we can turn this behavior around.”

● Seeing you vape brings up some anxieties I have about your well-being. I understand there might be reasons you vape, and I want to hear them without judgment. Let’s talk about it.”

The following possibility takes a more direct approach for an ambivalent or resistant child/teen by connecting the behavior to the possible consequences of this choice.

● “I am really concerned about your vaping. Not only is it not permitted in our household, but using nicotine can cause health problems. Let’s brainstorm some helpful ways I can support you to stop vaping, whether providing distractions, finding resources, or just listening. We can also explore quitting options, like talking to a doctor or trying a support group. What do you think would be helpful? Remember, I love you unconditionally, and my support doesn’t depend on whether you vape.”

Additional Support

Even if you and your child/teen are both concerned and committed to working on strategies to stop using e-cigarettes, your child/teen might benefit from some extra help and support. Additionally, if your child/teen is not ready to acknowledge that vaping is a problem, additional support can help encourage needed change. Resources are available.

To find help in your community:

● Your child’s/teen’s pediatrician or doctor can provide health-based educational information for your child/teen.

● Reach out to a text-based program from the National Center Institute called SmokefreeTXT for Teens by texting QUIT to 47848.

● Call the National Quitline at 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

Closing

Remember that whatever your child/teen shares with you about why they decided to use e-cigarettes, it is likely a valid choice in their mind. It is important to listen without judgment and communicate that this is not a safe or healthy choice for them and that the behavior must stop.

Reassure your child/teen that you will support them in quitting. Keep in mind that while the choice to begin vaping may have been a result of peer pressure or the desire to “look cool,” their use may also be a way for your child to manage issues like stress or anxiety. Work with your child/teen to uncover the core issues and identify ways to handle these issues in a healthy and appropriate manner.

References

1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). What You Can Do to Protect Youth From the Harms of Vaping. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/features/back-to-school/

2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). About Electronic Cigarettes (E-Cigarettes). Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/basic_information/e-cigarettes/about-e-cigarettes.html#what-are-e-cigarettes

3. Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2024). 5 Vaping Facts You Need to Know. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/5-truths-you-need-to-know-about-vaping

4. Cleveland Clinic. (2022). Vaping (E-Cigarettes). Retrieved from https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/21162-vaping

5. Pénzes, M., Bakacs, M., Brys, Z., Vitrai, J., Tóth, G., Berezvai, Z., & Urbán, R. (2021). Vaping-related adverse events and perceived health improvements: A cross-sectional survey among daily e-cigarette users. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(16), Article 16. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph18168301

6. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). 7 Common Withdrawal Symptoms. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/campaign/tips/quit-smoking/7-common-withdrawal-symptoms/index.html

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Is My Child Vaping? What Do I Do? Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

Navigating High Conflict With Important People in Your Childs Life

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Navigating High Conflict With Important People in Your Child’s Life

Introduction

Conflict can happen within families, between spouses, extended family, and with other important people in your child’s life. Conflict is normal and expected. However, when conflict escalates, is persistent, and remains unresolved, it can harm not only the adults in conflict but your child.

Learning to address high-conflict situations is essential. The stress you experience from conflict will be felt by your child even if you believe you are hiding it well from them. When conflict is persistent and unresolved, it can

● confuse your child,

● foster feelings of uncertainty and stress,^1

● increase emotional distress,^1

● reduce your child’s ability to manage and regulate their emotions,^1

● negatively impact your child’s development,^1, and

● foster unwelcome behaviors in your child.

In high-conflict situations, your child must take advantage of the security of a stable, consistent, and nurturing environment. Children depend on their adults for survival, which makes them attuned to disruptions in their caregiving adult relationships.

This document guides you on what to do when there is high conflict between you and other important people in your child’s life. Learning to navigate high-conflict situations can help you to

● model the behaviors you are teaching your children,

● grow your social and emotional skills,

● grow your child’s social and emotional skills, and

● ultimately do what is in your child’s best interest.

Navigating High Conflict

Managing your thoughts and behaviors is essential in high-conflict situations so that your child’s best interest is at the forefront of your decision-making and actions.

Here are some relationship scenarios in which high conflict is more likely to occur:^2, ^3

There is no give and take. A rigid stance that leaves no room for discussion can lead to conflict. This might sound like: “You never agree with my rules for the children. My rules, my house, I won’t budge.”
Behaviors are extreme. Displaying behaviors that are at one extreme can increase the likelihood of conflict. For example, either the person is not responsive in a situation (“I won’t do anything”), or they are overly controlling (“I won’t let you see the kids ever again!”).
The “blame game” is in full effect. Not taking responsibility for one’s behavior or continually attempting to place blame on someone else can increase conflict. For example, it can sound like this: “You are the reason our child is so permissive. She doesn’t ever stick up for herself, just like you!”

While it isn’t likely you will be able to change the other person, you can influence the situation by how you respond.

Your goals for managing high conflict with an important person in your child’s life will vary. Your goals depend on your unique situation. Your goals might be

● to preserve the relationship you have with the important person,

● to preserve the relationship your child has with the important person, and

● to resolve the conflict as best you can.

You may be in a situation where your relationship with the person is over, but the person still has an important role in your child’s life. In this situation, your goals might be

● to manage yourself when communication with the person is required,

● to not put your child in the middle of the conflict you have with the other person, and

● to preserve the relationship your child has with the other person.

CALL OUT BOX: Sometimes, high-conflict relationships can threaten people’s safety and can lead to injury or even death. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention defines intimate partner violence: “Intimate partner violence includes physical violence, sexual violence, stalking and psychological aggression (including coercive tactics) by a current or former intimate partner (i.e., spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, dating partner, or ongoing sexual partner).” ^4, ^5

If you are concerned about your safety, the safety of children, or the safety of others, please contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

Actions to Take When You Want to Preserve the Relationship You and Your Child Have With the Important Person

● Show respect and kindness regardless of your thoughts and feelings. Remember, you are modeling behaviors for your child.

● Keep the goal in mind – you want what is best for your child. This important goal can help you keep perspective when facing challenges and conflict. When faced with a conflict, ask yourself, “What is the desired outcome of this communication? How can I communicate to produce a positive outcome for my child?”

● Notice, name, and accept your feelings. Notice what you honestly feel and name it (for example, “I’m angry and frustrated about this situation”). Accepting those feelings instead of fighting them can be a relief. Then, if you want to change the situation, you can take action toward change.

● Consider your own needs in the situation. Ask yourself, “What do I need (to be heard, to feel like my opinion matters, etc.)?” Consider if those needs can be met in this relationship.

● “Stay on your mat.” This is an expression from yoga. It means taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and not trying to control the other person’s feelings.

● Be thoughtful about your response. It takes a lot of restraint to think through what you want to say before you say it. Consider what is helpful in the situation.

● Commit to yourself that you will not put the other person down, name-call, or use derogatory language to describe the person in front of your child.

● Avoid having high-conflict conversations with your child present.

● Talk with your child about your conflict, but only share what is age-appropriate. Even though it seems that not discussing the conflict with your child would be better, children are very perceptive and probably already sensing something is wrong. Purposely not talking about the conflict with your child is like having an elephant in the room that everyone tries to ignore but no one can. Be authentic. You might say, “Your grandma and I have different opinions about the best approach to take right now.” Be careful not to portray the other person negatively. Avoid language that puts the other person down (e.g., “Your grandma is completely unreasonable and stubborn”). You don’t want your child to feel like they must choose one side to show loyalty. Never put your child in the middle of the conflict.

● Set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are essential for protecting and taking care of yourself and your child. They look like setting limits and telling the important person when something is unacceptable.

Setting a boundary or limit requires that you are the person who can follow through with the boundary. Notice the difference between these two examples:

● “I know that when we communicate in the past, we usually end up yelling at each other. If one of us starts to yell, I will leave, and we can resume our conversation after we have both calmed down.”

● “I know that when we communicate in the past, we usually end up yelling at each other. If that happens, you should leave.”

In the first example, the limit is set and requires your action – “I will leave.” In the second example, the boundary focuses on the actions of the other person – “You should leave.” Unfortunately, setting a boundary that expects the other person to take action is dangerous because you have no control over whether the other person will follow the boundary or not. When setting boundaries, make sure that you are the person who can follow through with the limit you have set.

Actions to Take When Your Relationship With the Person Is Over, But the Person Still Has an Important Role in Your Child’s Life

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may decide it is no longer possible or healthy to be in a relationship with the person. You may decide that your relationship with the person is over. However, even if you reach this conclusion for yourself, you may not be able to completely disconnect from this person because the person still has an important role in your child’s life. In these situations, some additional actions might help. Remember, managing this relationship by managing your thoughts and behaviors with your child’s best interests at the forefront of your decision-making and actions is important.

● It is okay to decide that you can no longer be in a relationship with the person. Making a difficult choice like this, while hard to do, can be the best decision for everyone.

● Stick with communication necessary for your child's well-being and avoid emotional and personal engagement.

● Consider using Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm Responses.^6 When communicating by email or text, keep your communication:

o Brief – Be brief and direct. If communicating by email, write only what is necessary.

o Informative – Stick with what is true without adding your feelings and opinions.

o Friendly - Respond in a friendly tone. Remember, your goal is to manage this relationship by managing your thoughts and behaviors.

o Firm – Be clear about the information and your position. Don’t invite further conflict and discussion by saying something like “What are your thoughts?” unless you are open to negotiation and further dialogue.^6 “Firm doesn’t mean harsh; it just means that it ends the conversation.”^6

TIP: For more information and online classes for high-conflict relationships, visit the High Conflict Institute at highconflictinstitute.com.

● Make a conscious choice about how you will communicate with the other person. Avoid escalating the conflict by communicating when your emotions are high. It is okay to wait to communicate with the other person until you can manage your emotions.

● If communication with the other person has the potential to escalate or become dangerous, establish safe barriers to communication through email, co-parenting software, or another means of communication that will ensure everyone’s safety.

● Accept that you cannot change the other person. You may have done much work to make this relationship work, but it is okay to say you can no longer do this. It is a deliberate choice you are making, and this choice does not reflect negatively on you.

● Seek professional help if needed. Parenting is rewarding and challenging. It is okay to ask for help.

Closing

Conflict can teach children how to resolve disputes and reconcile differences, but conflict can also cause stress and negatively impact you and your child. Conflict is harmful when it is persistent and unresolved. Navigating high conflict with important people in your child’s life is difficult, but taking action to manage yourself in these situations can make a positive difference. Addressing high conflict constructively can

● model the behaviors you want to teach your children,

● maintain a secure, stable, and nurturing environment despite the stress caused by the conflict, and

● help you to maintain perspective.

In high-conflict situations, you may preserve the relationship you and your child have with the important person. You might also deliberately choose that your relationship with the person is over, but the person still has an important role in your child’s life. Either of these choices is okay. Your goal in high-conflict situations is to do what is ultimately in your child’s best interest.

References

1. McIntosh, J. (2003). Enduring Conflict in Parental Separation: Pathways of Impact on Child Development. Journal of Family Studies, 9(1), 63–80.

2. Eddy, B. (2017, November 21). How to quickly spot high-conflict people. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/201711/how-quickly-spot-high-conflict-people

3. Eddy, B. (2019, May 15). Who are high conflict people? Updated for 2019. Retrieved from https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles/2019/5/14/who-are-high-conflict-peoplenbsp-updated-for-2019-by-bill-eddy-lcsw-esq

4. Breiding, M. J., Basile, K. C., Smith, S. G., Black, M. C., & Mahendra, R. R. (2015). Intimate Partner Violence Surveillance: Uniform Definitions and Recommended Data Elements, Version 2.0. Atlanta, GA: National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

5. National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges (NCJFCJ). (2013). State Definitions of Domestic Violence. Resource Center on Domestic Violence. Retrieved from https://www.ncjfcj.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Revised-MC-Chapter-Four-Dec.-2022-FINAL.pdf.pdf

6. High Conflict Institute. (2019). 12 Hour- Parenting Without Conflict by New Ways for Families. Retrieved from https://www.highconflictinstitute.com

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Navigating High Conflict With Important People in Your Child’s Life. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

Teaching Your Child to Identify and Name Their Feelings

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Teaching Your Child to Identify and Name Their Feelings

Introduction

Emotions are vital to your child’s life, influencing their behaviors and overall well-being. However, many children struggle to accurately identify and name their feelings, leading to emotional confusion and difficulties communicating their needs and managing their emotions.

Identifying and naming feelings is a skill that parents or those in a parenting role can teach. Both parents and those in the parenting role and children can benefit from learning and practicing this skill. Identifying and naming feelings is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, coping with stress, overcoming challenges, and promoting mental health.

This I Want to Know More aims to explore why you should teach your child to identify and name feelings and provide examples of how you can teach this skill while growing your own skills, too.

Why Should I Teach My Child to Identify and Name Feelings?

● Improved Mental Health

○ Developing emotional self-awareness can positively impact your child’s mental health. When identifying and naming their feelings accurately, they can address underlying issues and seek appropriate support or interventions. Emotional identification allows children to develop healthy ways of expressing their emotions, caring for themselves when experiencing big emotions, and learning calm-down strategies to manage their emotions. This self-awareness can help reduce anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.

● Enhanced Relationship Building

○ Emotional self-awareness fosters stronger and healthier relationships. By understanding their emotions, children can effectively communicate their needs and boundaries, which promotes more fulfilling connections. Parents who understand their emotions can model sitting with difficult emotions and utilize healthy calm-down strategies and emotional regulation to communicate with their children intentionally and respectfully. Additionally, recognizing and empathizing with the emotions of others becomes easier when children have a deeper understanding of their own emotions.

● Better Decision Making

○ Identifying and naming emotions improves decision-making skills. By acknowledging and naming their feelings and thinking about the self-talk that led to them, children can assess how their feelings may influence their choices and behaviors. This awareness allows them to make more rational and well-informed decisions rather than being driven solely by their emotions.

Why is it Important For a Child to Identify and Name Feelings?

● Clarity and Understanding

○ Identifying and naming their feelings allows children to gain clarity and understanding about how they feel. Often, emotions can be complex and intertwined, making it challenging to figure out what they are truly experiencing. Children bring their emotions into conscious awareness by giving them a name, making them more manageable and understandable.

● Enhanced Communication

○ Naming their emotions enables effective communication with others. When children can accurately express their feelings, they increase the likelihood of being understood and heard. It also helps prevent misunderstandings and conflicts that may arise from miscommunication. For example, instead of saying, "I'm upset," teach them to specify the emotion as "I'm feeling disappointed" to provide more clarity.

● Self-Reflection and Self-Regulation

○ Identifying and naming emotions encourages self-reflection and self-regulation. By recognizing and understanding their emotional states, children become better equipped to manage them. When children can identify the root causes of their emotions, they can respond to them in healthier and more constructive ways. This practice empowers children to make conscious choices rather than being controlled by their emotions.

How do I Teach My Child to Identify and Name Feelings?

● Start with yourself

○ It’s important to remember that not all parents and those in the parenting role had the opportunity to learn the skill of identifying and naming feelings themselves. In previous generations, there was less emphasis on understanding our emotions and more focus on other aspects of development. In recent years, we have only realized the importance of social and emotional skill development and its impact on overall well-being. Understanding how to identify and name our feelings takes practice, and as parents, we can all benefit from enhancing our skills in this area.

Here’s how you can do it.

■ Tune in

● Imagine experiencing frustration at work. Instead of merely labeling the feeling as anger, take a moment to identify the specific emotions contributing to it. “Is this a frustrated feeling, or a feeling of anger – or maybe I’m stressed?”

■ Describe it

● “How would I rate this feeling on a scale of 1-10?”

● “Does this feeling give me a physical reaction? Is it a sick feeling, like having an upset stomach?”

● “Does it remind me of anything? Is it similar to how I feel when I’ve lost my keys?”

Remember, this is a growth journey; there is always time to start. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process, and take it one step at a time. Your efforts to develop your emotional awareness will benefit your child and improve your well-being.

● Model emotional expression

○ Children learn by observing their parents and those in the parenting role. Demonstrate healthy emotional expression by labeling and discussing your feelings in everyday situations in front of your child. For example, say, "I feel frustrated when I can't find my keys," or "I'm so happy to see you!" Practice expressing genuine emotions. It is easy to get into the habit of saying, “I’m fine,” rather than expressing your feelings.

● Use age-appropriate resources

○ Utilize books, picture cards, or apps that specifically focus on emotions. These resources often provide visual cues or stories that help children identify different emotions and associate them with specific situations. When reading with your child, start a conversation about emotions. For example, “How do you think they (a character) feel?” “What makes you think that?”

● Provide a feelings vocabulary.

○ Teach children many emotional words beyond "happy" and "sad." Introduce words like excited, frustrated, surprised, and anxious. You can play games where you act out emotions or ask the child to identify the emotion on someone's face.

● Encourage reflection and conversation.

○ Engage in conversations with your child about their feelings and experiences. Ask open-ended questions like, "How did that make you feel?" or "What emotions do you think you're experiencing right now?" This encourages them to reflect on their emotions and practice articulating them.

● Use a feelings chart.

○ The Feelings Chart [1] shows different emotions and facial expressions. Hang it in a prominent place at home or in your child's room. This can be a reference point for your child to identify and communicate their emotions.

● Validate and normalize emotions.

○ Let your child know that all emotions are valid and that it's normal to experience a wide range of feelings. Help them understand that feeling sad, angry, or afraid is okay, and provide a safe space to express their emotions without judgment.

Teaching your child to identify and name their feelings is an ongoing process that requires modeling, patience, and repetition. Encourage your child to practice identifying and naming their feelings regularly and reinforce their efforts with positive reinforcement and support.

Closing

Building an emotional vocabulary and using descriptive language improve communication and enhance social and emotional skills. The benefits extend beyond personal growth and positively impact many aspects of life. Ultimately, by honing the skill of identifying and naming feelings, your child will empower themselves to navigate the complexities of their emotional landscapes and foster healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Teaching Your Child to Identify and Name Their Feelings.Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org.

LINK to Feelings Chart

Cannabis - What Does the Law Say in Washington?

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Cannabis: What Does the Law Say in Washington?

Introduction

Laws about the use of cannabis are changing rapidly and can be confusing. Laws differ by type of use, such as medical or adult use (sometimes called recreational use), and they also vary by state. While many states allow for the medical use of cannabis, and an increasing number of states have legalized cannabis for adult use, cannabis use remains illegal at the federal level, and adult-use cannabis is illegal for individuals who are under the age of 21. Parents, or those in a parenting role, and teens are often unclear about the laws and have misconceptions about the consequences of breaking the laws.

Let’s explore the laws regarding cannabis use in Washington State and discuss scenarios that you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, might encounter. Note that certain localities may have stricter laws (ordinances), that laws change, and that this information is not a substitute for legal advice.

In Washington State, cannabis use is legal for adults who are at least 21 years old.^1 Using or possessing cannabis is illegal for people under the age of 21 unless medically authorized.^2

So, What Exactly Is Illegal?^1,^3

For Minors Under the Age of 21

● It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to possess, manufacture, sell, or consume cannabis or cannabis-infused products unless they are authorized as a qualifying patient by a healthcare professional, a resident of the state of Washington, entered into the medical marijuana authorization database, and have a recognition card.^4

● It is illegal to drive under the influence of cannabis.

For Adults Ages 21 and Older

● Adults 21 years and older can possess and use cannabis for medical and adult-use purposes.

● Adults 21 years and older can purchase up to one ounce of usable cannabis (the harvested flowers, or “bud”), 16 ounces of cannabis-infused edibles in solid form, 72 ounces in liquid form, and 7 grams of cannabis concentrates.

● Adults 21 years and older can possess cannabis-related drug paraphernalia.

● Cannabis can only be sold and purchased at state-licensed retail stores. No one under the age of 21 is allowed on the retail premises.

● It is illegal to consume cannabis in view of the public.

● It is illegal to provide someone under the age of 21 with cannabis unless you are the parent/guardian and are a designated provider for a minor who is a qualifying patient and holds a recognition card.

● It is illegal to drive under the influence of cannabis.

● It is illegal to take cannabis outside of Washington.

Legal Consequences

Depending on current laws and other factors, breaking laws regarding cannabis possession and use may result in criminal or civil charges, and penalties range from deferred sentences to fines to imprisonment.

Driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol is illegal, and the legal system treats driving under the influence charges similarly, regardless of the substance. That is, driving under the influence of any drug or substance, whether the substance is alcohol or cannabis, has similar legal consequences. Penalties can include jail and fines.

“What If” Scenarios

What if my child/teen encounters a cannabis plant at a friend/neighbor’s home? Can they try it?

It is illegal for a person under the age of 21 to use or possess cannabis unless they have a recognition card. And, it is not a good idea for young people to even “just try” cannabis, as such use is a risk factor for additional substance misuse, falling behind in school, and other negative consequences.

Encourage your child/teen to avoid using cannabis. You might also consider asking other adults (such as the parents of your child’s/teen’s friends) if they have cannabis in their home and if it is accessible to children/teens who are visiting.

What if my child/teen is at a party where others are smoking cannabis, but they are not? Would my child/teen get in trouble even if they weren’t using cannabis?

No. According to Washington State law, your child/teen may not be arrested for being around others who are consuming cannabis if they have not consumed it and are not in possession. However, they could be violating their school’s athletic and activities code of conduct policy, which would not have legal consequences but would have consequences at school.

Call Out BOX:

Cannabis use in adolescence can have a range of negative impacts, from increased likelihood of dropping out of high school to increased risk of mental health issues and greater potential for addiction in adulthood.^5

I use cannabis to relieve stress and help me sleep. Since cannabis is legal in Washington, I think this is okay. I think cannabis would also help my teenager with their stress and anxiety. Can I let my teen try cannabis for stress relief?

No, unless your teen has been authorized as a qualifying patient and has their recognition card, and you are authorized as their designated provider. It is illegal for people under the age of 21 to use cannabis.

What if my child/teen consumes cannabis at a friend’s house and is planning to drive home? How long does my child/teen need to wait before they can drive safely?

The most straightforward answer is to tell your child/teen that if they have used cannabis, they should not drive. Establish family rules to never drive after using cannabis, alcohol, or any substance or medication that impairs. Similarly, tell your child/teen never to ride with someone who has been using cannabis or drinking alcohol. Discuss the dangers of such behaviors. When establishing family rules, you can talk about your expectations, develop consequences for such behaviors, and discuss alternative behaviors you support, such as calling you for a ride or alternative transportation options. Assure your child/teen that there will be no negative repercussions if they choose to call you for a ride. Engaging your child/teen in conversations about these behaviors, discussing various situations that might arise, and talking through how to handle those situations can support your child/teen in high-stress situations. Driving impaired or riding with a driver who is impaired is dangerous.

For more information, go to:

https://www.cdc.gov/parentsarethekey/agreement/index.html

https://www.nhtsa.gov/road-safety/teen-driving

Closing

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you make a lot of decisions about what is acceptable or not acceptable for your child/teen regarding cannabis use. Knowing the laws and ordinances in your community and state can help you decide what is best for your child/teen. But, even if something is legal, it may not be safe for your child/teen. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you are key to helping your child prevent harm associated with cannabis and other substances. By implementing strategies such as talking and listening, establishing rules, modeling positive behavior, monitoring, and clarifying misperceptions, you can make a difference in your child’s/teen’s life.

Find out more!

● Underage Drinking: What Does the Law Say? [1] [2]

● Why Teens Shouldn’t Use Cannabis[3]

● Is My Child Using Drugs? What Do I Do?[4]

Download and print the at-a-glance resource highlighting key information about Cannabis.

References

1. Washington State Liquor and Cannabis Board. (2023). Know the law. Retrieved from https://lcb.wa.gov/education/know-the-law

2. Washington State Department of Health (2023). Know this about Cannabis. Retrieved from https://knowthisaboutcannabis.org/the-law/

3. Washington State Legislature. (n.d.). Revised Code of Washington Sections 69.50.101, 69.51, and 69.51A. Retrieved from https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=69.50.101

4. Washington State Department of Health. (2024). Medical Cannabis. Retrieved from https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/cannabis/medical-cannabis

5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2017). What You Need to Know About Marijuana Use in Teens. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/marijuana/factsheets/pdf/MarijuanaFactSheets-Teens-508compliant.pdf

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Cannabis: What Does the Law Say? Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org.

Link to Underage Drinking: What does the Law Say in Washington

@juliacooks@gmail.com For the Law IWTKM, there will be one per community. This one should be linked to "Underage Drinking: What does the Law Say in Washington"

Link to Why Teens Shouldn't Use Cannabis

Link to Is My Child Using Drugs? What do I do?

Underage Drinking - What Does the Law Say in Washington?

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Underage Drinking: What Does the Law Say in Washington?

Introduction

Underage drinking laws can be confusing. They can change over time and vary by state. Parents or those in a parenting role and teens are often unclear about the laws and have misconceptions about the consequences of breaking those laws.

Let’s explore the underage drinking laws in Washington State and discuss scenarios that you might encounter as a parent or someone in a parenting role. Please note that certain localities may have stricter laws (ordinances), that laws change, and that this information is not a substitute for legal advice.

So, What Exactly Is Illegal?

For Anyone Under the Age of 21

● It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to possess, consume, or otherwise acquire any alcohol without parental consent when not for medical reasons or in connection with a religious service.^1

● It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to be in a public place or to be in a motor vehicle in a public place while exhibiting the effects of having consumed alcohol.^1

● It is illegal to use a false ID to buy alcohol.^1

● It is illegal for someone under the age of 21 to operate a motor vehicle while affected by alcohol, drugs, or both. This includes both legal and illegal drugs, including prescription medication and over-the-counter drugs.^2

● Someone under the age of 21 is not allowed in taverns, lounges, or other age-restricted areas.^1

For Adults

● It is illegal to sell, give, or otherwise supply alcohol to any person under the age of 21 unless you are the parent/guardian of the child and the alcohol is consumed in your presence.^1

● It is illegal to permit any person under the age of 21 to consume alcohol on your premises or any premises under your control unless you are the parent/guardian of the child and the alcohol is consumed in your presence.^1

o "Premises" includes real property, houses, buildings, other structures, motor vehicles, and watercraft.^1

What Is Legal?

Washington State law allows someone under the age of 21 to possess, consume, or otherwise acquire alcohol when it is:^1

● Provided by the minor's parent or guardian and consumed in the presence of the parent or guardian and not in a public place where alcohol is sold.

● Given for medicinal purposes by a parent, guardian, physician, or dentist.

● Given in connection with religious services, the amount consumed is the minimal amount necessary for the religious service.

Legal Consequences

For Anyone Under the Age of 21

Possessing, consuming, or otherwise acquiring any alcohol when under the age of 21 can result in a gross misdemeanor charge. For details on penalties associated with misdemeanor and gross misdemeanor charges, see Washington State Code 9A.20 RCW on leg.wa.gov. Children/Teens who are charged with a Minor in Possession (MIP) or a Consumption of Alcohol (MIC) charge, and it is their first offense, may be eligible for a court diversion program as an alternative to prosecution.

For Adults

It is a gross misdemeanor offense to sell, give, or otherwise supply alcohol to someone under the age of 21.^1

“What If” Scenarios

Supplying Alcohol

What if I take my child/teen into a bar? Can I provide them with alcohol there?

No. You cannot provide someone under the age of 21 with alcohol in a public place known to sell alcoholic beverages.

What about at a restaurant?

No. You cannot provide someone under the age of 21 with alcohol in a public place known to sell alcoholic beverages.

What if my child/teen (under the age of 21) goes to a party at a friend’s house, and their parents provide my child/teen with alcohol? Is that illegal?

According to Washington State law, only parents or guardians may provide alcohol to their child/teen under the age of 21.

Many Washington cities have ordinances and penalties to address social hosting. Social hosting is selling, giving, or supplying alcohol to someone under the age of 21 or permitting someone under the age of 21 to consume alcohol on your premises or any premises under your control.^2 The penalties for social hosting can include a fine of up to $5,000 and one year in jail.

For example, the Mercer Island city code (ordinances) considers an underage gathering (a party or gathering of four or more persons at a property at which alcoholic beverages are being consumed or possessed by one or more underage persons or one or more underage persons are exhibiting effects of consuming alcohol beverages) to be a public nuisance and is prohibited.^3 Law enforcement may issue a notice of civil infraction to any or all known responsible persons who host an underage gathering. The penalty is $250.00 for each responsible person.^3

A responsible person includes:

1. The person(s) who owns, rents, leases, or otherwise has the right to control property at which an underage gathering occurs

2. The person(s) is in immediate control of the property at which an underage gathering occurs or

3. The person(s) who organizes, supervises, sponsors, conducts, allows, controls, or controls access to the underage gathering^3

What if I am away on vacation and my child/teen hosts a party at our home? Am I legally responsible?

Different cities have different social hosting ordinances about this issue. Some ordinances allow those who control the property to be cited without having to prove that they provided or “allowed” the drinking to occur.^2

Consuming Alcohol

What if my child/teen is at a party where others are consuming alcohol? If they are not consuming alcohol, would they still get arrested because they are under the age of 21 and around others who are consuming alcohol illegally?

Your child/teen does not have to be in actual possession of alcohol to be cited for a Minor in Possession (MIP) charge.^2 If they are exhibiting the effects of having consumed alcohol, they may be charged with an MIP offense. Also, they could be violating their school’s code of conduct policy, which would not have legal consequences but would have consequences at school.

Call Out Box

Any amount of alcohol can have an impact on the developing brain[1] .

What are the consequences for a minor consuming alcohol at a party hosted by an older adult sibling?

Possessing, consuming, or exhibiting the effects of having consumed alcohol when under the age of 21 can result in a Minor in Possession (MIP) charge. The maximum penalty is one year in jail, a $5000 fine, or both.^2

Call Out Box

In Washington State, the 911 Good Samaritan Overdose Law allows minors to call for help without legal consequences for underage drinking or drug use.^4

Impaired Driving

What if my child/teen drinks alcohol and is planning to drive home. How long does my child/teen need to wait before they can drive safely?

The simplest answer is to tell your child/teen that if they have had anything to drink, not to drive. Establish family rules about never driving after drinking and never riding with someone who has been drinking. Discuss the dangers of such behaviors. When establishing family rules, you can discuss your expectations, develop consequences for such behaviors, and discuss alternative behaviors you support, such as calling you for a ride or alternative transportation options. Ensure your child/teen that there will be no negative repercussions if they choose to call you for a ride. Engaging your child/teen in conversations about these behaviors, discussing situations that might arise, and ways to handle those situations can support your child/teen in high-stress situations. Drinking any amount of alcohol and driving or riding with a driver who has been drinking are dangerous.

For more information, go to:

https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/teendrinkinganddriving/index.html

https://www.cdc.gov/parentsarethekey/agreement/index.html

https://www.nhtsa.gov/road-safety/teen-driving

Closing

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you make a lot of decisions about what is acceptable or not acceptable for your child/teen regarding alcohol use. Knowing the underage drinking laws and ordinances in your community and state can help you make informed decisions about what is best for your child/teen.

It is typical to have many questions about the laws on underage drinking. Underage drinking laws can vary, and you may be faced with a variety of different scenarios. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you are vital to helping your child prevent harm associated with alcohol. By implementing strategies such as talking and listening, establishing rules, modeling positive behavior, monitoring, and clarifying misperceptions, you can make a difference in your child’s/teen’s life.

Find out more!

● Why Teens Shouldn’t Drink Alcohol[2]

● Is My Child/Teen Drinking? What Do I Do?[3]

References

1. Washington State Legislature. (n.d.). Revised Code of Washington (RCW) 66.44.270, 10.31.100, 66.20.200, 66.41.310; Washington Administrative Code (WAC) 314-11-020; WAC 314-16-150. Retrieved from https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=69.50.101

2. Washington State Liquor and Cannabis Board. (2023). Know the law. Retrieved from https://lcb.wa.gov/education/know-the-law

3. Mercer Island, Washington City Code. (n.d.). Title 9 - Criminal Code. Chapter 9.21 Underage Gatherings. Retrieved from https://library.municode.com/wa/mercer_island/codes/city_code?nodeId=CICOOR_TIT9CRCO_CH9.21UNGA

4. Washington State Department of Health. (2024). Good Samaritan Laws. Retrieved from https://www.doh.wa.gov

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Underage Drinking: What Does the Law Say? Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org.

LINK to Alcohol and the Teenage Brain

LINK to Why Teens Shouldn't Drink Alcohol

LINK to Is My Child Drinking? What Do I Do?

Prescription Pain Medication

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Introduction

You might have heard of the nation’s opioid crisis or wondered about whether a medication prescribed to your child/teen is safe. You may be concerned about the potential of your child/teen drinking or using marijuana and feel overwhelmed with worrying about prescription medication. The recent increase in accidental fentanyl poisonings from using illicit drugs that have fentanyl added to them is alarming. This document defines what misusing prescription pain medication is, explores the potential risks associated with misuse, and reviews how to reduce the likelihood that your child/teen will misuse prescription pain medication. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, your awareness is vital, and there are practical things you can do to make a difference.

Call Out Box:

Early and frequent conversations[1] with your child/teen about the risks of substance use are an essential part of preventing substance use. In those conversations, talk about prescription pain medication as well as alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs such as heroin and methamphetamine.

What Is Prescription Pain Medication?

Prescription pain medications are also called opioids and include oxycodone, morphine, fentanyl, and others. Brand names include Vicodin, OxyContin, and Percocet; common names include Oxy and Percs. People who have misused prescription pain medication report doing so to relieve pain, to feel good or “get high,” or to relieve tension. Prescription pain medicine is highly addictive, which can make it extremely difficult for people to stop using.^1,2

“Misuse” of Prescription Pain Medication

Most people have taken medication prescribed by a doctor or other healthcare provider, and we often perceive those medications as safe and helpful. Because prescription pain medication is addictive, concern arises with “misuse” of these medications. Misuse of prescription pain medication occurs when someone:

● Uses a prescription pain medication not prescribed for themself, such as using medication prescribed for a family member or friend

● Uses a prescription pain medication in a way other than directed by the doctor or prescriber, such as taking a larger dose or using it for longer than directed

● Uses a prescription pain medication for the feeling the drug causes or to “get high”^1

Risks Associated With Misuse

The use of prescription pain medication is common, including by children/teens, and is often thought of as safe and helpful. Some children/teens underestimate the dangers associated with misusing prescription pain medication and may also believe that misusing prescription medication is safer than using other drugs.^3 But, misuse of prescription pain medication is associated with serious adverse health outcomes^1,4 including:

● Use of alcohol and other drugs

● Increased risk of developing a substance use disorder

● Overdose

● Poisoning and death resulting from fentanyl-laced illicit drugs

Misuse of prescription pain medication can lead to tolerance, where greater amounts of the medication are needed to obtain the same effect. For example, with prescription opioids, tolerance can mean that stronger medications and larger doses are needed to achieve pain relief. Misuse can also lead to dependence, where a person experiences withdrawal symptoms if they stop taking the medication, and medical support can be needed to discontinue the use of the medication safely.^1,5

Misusing prescription pain medication can also lead to the use of other drugs, especially if the prescription is no longer available or no longer has an effect due to tolerance. The use of illicit drugs such as heroin comes with additional risks, including increased risk of overdose. Further, an illicit drug may have fentanyl added to it. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is very potent and extremely dangerous.^6 It is nearly impossible to tell if an illicit drug is laced with fentanyl, but even a very small amount of fentanyl can lead to overdose or death.^6 Misuse of prescription pain medication in combination with other drugs or substances -- whether other prescription medication, alcohol, or illicit drugs -- also increases the risk for severe health consequences. Combining certain medications, such as opioids, with benzodiazepines greatly increases the risk of overdose.^1,5

Call Out Box:

Misuse of prescription pain medication can cause overdose and death, especially when used in combination with other drugs.^1,5

Misuse of prescription pain medication can cause tolerance and dependence, leading to increased use over time as well as addiction.^1,5

Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid that is much more potent than heroin and morphine and is being mixed with other drugs like heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamine.^6 Fentanyl-laced drugs are dangerous and associated with a high risk of overdose and death.^6

For more information about fentanyl and its risks, go to https://www.dea.gov/onepill.

How to Prevent Misuse

Many children/teens are prescribed pain medication by their doctor or healthcare provider for legitimate reasons, and prescription pain medication can often be used safely for the treatment of health conditions. However, given the risks associated with misuse, it is essential for parents and those in a parenting role to be proactive in preventing prescription pain medication misuse.

Talk with your child’s/teen’s doctor or healthcare provider when they prescribe any medication, especially if it is an opioid pain medication. Include your child/teen in this conversation. Ask about the risks associated with the medication and if alternatives are available. Prescription opioids should be limited to the smallest dose and shortest duration required. For example, if your child/teen is prescribed an opioid following wisdom teeth extraction or a sports injury, discuss with the doctor how long it is safe for the child/teen to take the medication and signs that it may no longer be needed. You might also consider filling a partial prescription initially and obtaining more pills only if needed.

Call Out Box:

Talk to your doctor about your family’s medications and strategies for limiting prescriptions for medications that may be misused.

Children/Teens obtain prescription pain medication for misuse both from their prescriptions and also from prescriptions for others. It is uncommon for children/teens to obtain prescription pain medication from a dealer or online sources; more often, they obtain it, with or without permission, from family members or friends.^7Medication that is in the home should be stored securely and not freely available for children/teens or others who are at risk of misuse. Medication should also be carefully monitored. If the prescription pain medication is for your child/teen, consider how many doses or days’ worth of medication they have access to at any given time and monitor their use to ensure they do not run out early.

Do not keep unused medication, especially prescription pain medication. It is common for people to continue to store leftover prescription pain medication and other medications in case they might need them in the future. However, this means that the medication is continually available for misuse. Store current medication in a secure lockbox to limit access. Dispose of prescription medication safely by taking it to a drug take-back event in your community or medication disposal site, using a medication disposal bag before placing them in the trash, or asking your local pharmacist for options.^8

Call Out Box:

Talk with the other adults in your child’s/teen’s life about safe storage and disposal of prescription pain medication. Because children/teens may obtain medication from their friends or without permission from the homes where they spend time, it is crucial to work together to keep children/teens safe. Find information about how to dispose of unused prescription medication at https://teens.drugabuse.gov/parents/safely-dispose-your-prescription-medicines

To Address Misuse

If you are concerned that your child/teen is misusing prescription pain medication, reach out for help. The earlier, the better to reduce the likelihood of developing tolerance or dependence. Help is available, and treatment works. To find help in your community:

● Your child’s/teen’s pediatrician or doctor can provide health-based educational information for your child/teen. They may be able to provide an assessment and brief counseling for your child/teen. Doctors can also give information and referrals for additional counseling or treatment.

● Contact the counselor(s) at your child’s/teen’s school for recommendations and support. They can help your child/teen during their school day and are often familiar with helpful local resources.

● Call the National Helpline at 800-662-HELP(4357) for information on treatment and referrals.

● Find treatment resources using SAMHSA’s locator tool available at https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/.

While you are seeking support and your child/teen is working on stopping their misuse, there may be a period that their misuse continues. During that time, you can consider harm-reduction strategies. You can do these things to reduce the likelihood that your child/teen will experience preventable harm from their misuse behaviors.

If your teen is misusing prescription pain medication or using other drugs, they should not drive. You could provide alternative transportation options and ensure they do not have access to a vehicle.

Call Out Box:

For tips on talking to your child/teen about their prescription pain medication misuse or other drug use, see Is My Child Using Drugs? What Do I Do?[2]

Misusing prescription pain medication (or opioids) or using heroin places individuals at risk of overdose death. If you know or suspect your child/teen is misusing opioids or using heroin, you should be aware of this risk. Illicit drugs are also sometimes laced with fentanyl, a type of opioid that is dangerous and is associated with a high risk of overdose. Harm reduction strategies to prevent overdose death include regular check-ins or supervision of the individual and having naloxone available. Naloxone (one brand name is Narcan) is a medication that reverses overdose and is available as an injectable or nasal spray. It is available at many pharmacies; no prescription is needed, and it is often free.

Call Out Box: If your child/teen is currently misusing prescription pain medication or using other drugs, there are some key things you can do right away to help keep them safe. Make sure they don’t drive and have naloxone available in case of overdose. Reach out to your healthcare providers or school counselor for support in getting your child/teen help to stop.

Misuse of Other Prescription Medication

In addition to prescription pain medication, two other types of prescription medications are most often misused -- stimulants and depressants.^1

Prescription stimulants are a class of medications commonly prescribed to treat attention-deficit or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Brand names include Adderall and Ritalin. Reported reasons for misuse of stimulants include curiosity or experimentation, to “get high,” and to improve academic performance due to a perception that the stimulant will help with studying and alertness.^1,9,10

Prescription medications that are depressants or tranquilizers belong to a class of medications called central nervous system depressants and are commonly prescribed to treat anxiety, muscle spasms, and sleep disorders such as insomnia. Benzodiazepines are in this class and have brand names of Xanax, Valium, Ativan, and Klonopin. The brand names of Soma and Flexeril are muscle relaxants, and Ambien, Lunesta, and Sonata are examples of sedatives.^1,9,10

Like prescription pain medication misuse, misuse of stimulants and depressants is dangerous and associated with adverse health consequences. The strategies described above to prevent and address misuse of prescription pain medications can also be used for misuse of other kinds of prescription medication.

More Information:

More information about teen drug use and prescription medication misuse is available at teens.drugabuse.gov/parents.

More information about fentanyl and its risks is available at https://www.dea.gov/onepill.

References

1. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2021). Prescription drugs. Retrieved from https://teens.drugabuse.gov/drug-facts/prescription-drugs

2. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2021). Prescription pain medications (opioids). Retrieved from https://teens.drugabuse.gov/drug-facts/prescription-pain-medications-opioids

3. Twombly, E. C., & Holtz, K. D. (2008). Teens and the misuse of prescription drugs: Evidence-based recommendations to curb a growing societal problem. Journal of Primary Prevention, 29, 503–516.

4. Jones, C. M., Clayton, H. B., Deputy, N. P., Roehler, D. R., Ko, J. Y., Esser, M. B., Brookmeyer, K. A., & Hertz, M. F. (2020). Prescription opioid misuse and use of alcohol and other substances among high school students—Youth Risk Behavior Survey,United States, 2019. MMWR Supplements, 69, 38–46.

5. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2021). Drug facts: prescription opioids. Retrieved fromhttps://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/drugfacts/prescription-opioids

6. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (2023). Fentanyl facts. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/stopoverdose/fentanyl/index.html

7. Hudgins, J. D., Porter, J. J., Monuteaux, M. C., & Bourgeois, F. T. (2019). Prescription opioid use and misuse among adolescents and young adults in the United States: A national survey study. PLoS Medicine, 16, e1002922.

8. National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). (2021). Safely dispose of prescription medicines. Retrieved fromhttps://teens.drugabuse.gov/parents/safely-dispose-your-prescription-medicines

9. Young, A. M., Glover, N., & Havens, J. R. (2012). Nonmedical use of prescription medications among adolescents in the United States: A systematic review. Journal of Adolescent Health, 51, 6–17.

10. Boyd, C. J., McCabe, S. E., Cranford, J. A., & Young, A. (2006). Adolescents’ motivations to abuse prescription medications. Pediatrics, 118, 2472-2480.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Prescription Pain Medication. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

LINK to Prevent Substance Use at Every Age

Link to Is my Child Using Drugs? What do I do?

Why Teens Shouldn't Use Cannabis

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Children, adolescents, and young adults are particularly susceptible to the negative effects of cannabis due to their developing brains.^1 Cannabis can impact a teen’s present life by increasing their risk for dropping out of high school, and it can affect their future because of the impact cannabis has on a developing brain[1] that can be significant and long lasting.^2,3

Preventing your child/teen from using cannabis, whether that means preventing them from ever using or delaying their start until at least the age of 21, greatly minimizes the negative and long-term impact of cannabis on the brain. To equip you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, to have conversations with your child/teen about cannabis and the importance of not using during the teenage years, let’s explore the risks of cannabis use, consequences of cannabis use, and specific strategies you can implement to encourage your child/teen not to use cannabis.

Why Teens Shouldn't Drink Alcohol

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Individuals under the age of 21 are particularly susceptible to the negative effects of alcohol and experience disproportionate harm from alcohol use. Although alcohol impacts adults as well, the negative impacts of alcohol on a developing brain[1] are significant and long lasting.

Delaying the initiation of drinking alcohol until the age of 21 greatly minimizes the negative and long-term impact of alcohol on the brain. To equip you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, to have conversations about alcohol and the importance of delaying alcohol until 21, let’s explore risks of alcohol use, consequences of alcohol use, and specific strategies you can implement to encourage your child/teen to delay alcohol use.

link to "alcohol and the teenage brain"

Logical Consequences

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Your child/teen will naturally test limits, break rules and hurt others. This is a normal part of their development at each age and stage and is necessary for their learning. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can choose to be purposeful and deliberate in the ways you apply logical consequences, communicate your expectations, and guide your child/teen to repair harm when needed.

On a typical day, a child’s/teen’s behavior or action may result in a natural consequence. Natural consequences are those that happen naturally as a result of a child's/teen’s choice or action without any intervention from a parent or those in a parenting role. As an example, a child isn’t paying attention at the dinner table and tips over a glass of milk. The natural consequence is that their clothes are wet from the spilled milk.

In addition to a natural consequence, there may be times that adults need to set a logical consequence in response to a child’s/teen’s behavior or action. Logical consequences are those that are set by an adult and are related to the child's/teen’s behavior. Logical consequences are not a parent-invented punishment for a poor choice. Instead, they are a consequence that is tied to a behavior and allows for a teachable moment. Logical consequences provide parents or those in a parenting role the opportunity to teach a child that choices have an impact not only on themselves but also on others and the environment around them. Sometimes the impact of a choice is immediate (like spilling juice in another person’s lap) and sometimes, it’s either subtle (cannot always be physically observed like hurt feelings) or the impact is felt over time (such as, stealing a toy when a sibling is not around).

When you, as a parent or someone in a parenting role, allow for natural consequences to take place without rescuing your child or imposing or inventing new consequences that may not naturally occur and then follow up with logical consequences and guidance to repair harm, you are offering opportunities for learning and building your child’s skills.

While for some adults, it can be a simple process to connect decisions to outcomes, in fact, consequential thinking is a higher order thinking skill that is learned through experience and practice. As a child/teen grows, their brain is reorganizing from their childhood magical thinking processes to a more rational and logical thinking process. Their higher order thinking skills are not fully formed until the early to mid-twenties.

How parents or those in a parenting role model, teach, practice and support children/teens as they think through the impact of choices before they make them and then respond in ways that repair the harm they’ve caused can make a big difference in cultivating your child’s ethics and sense of responsibility. This is the essential skill of responsible decision-making.

This document on how you facilitate logical consequences and help your child/teen learn to repair harm is divided into two parts. First, logical consequences and repairing harm is defined and specific real life examples for skill building are provided. Then, how paying attention to logical consequences and repairing harm is essential and different than punishment is explored.

Parenting Process for Your Child's Success

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All parents or those in a parenting role want their children to be confident, to be resilient, and to make healthy choices. Parents or those in a parenting role can grow these important skills in their children and address common parenting issues like establishing routines, listening, and doing chores by using a parenting process.

The parenting process is a way of interacting with your child that creates an environment for learning. The parenting process equips you with a step-by-step process for dealing with simple and challenging parenting issues, and it allows you to purposefully develop social and emotional skills in your child so that your child is able to manage their emotions and make better decisions. Using the parenting process is a way to intentionally grow these important life skills in your child.

The parenting process includes five steps that parents or those in a parenting role can use with their child/teen at every age. The five steps are: Input, Teach, Practice, Support, and Recognize. Through the five-step process, you are interacting with your child/teen, teaching them skills, allowing them to practice, supporting their learning, and recognizing their effort. And most importantly, you are intentionally building a positive relationship with your child/teen.

The parenting process is fluid, and revisiting steps multiple times is normal and expected. Keep in mind, you are successful when you engage in the parenting process with your child/teen regardless of the outcome. Engaging in the parenting process with your child/teen might not lead to immediate results or the exact outcome you desire, but every time you engage in the process, you are building your child’s/teen’s skills to be successful. You are creating an environment for learning where your child/teen is able to practice and grow their social and emotional skills.

Begin slowly by choosing one issue or task to practice using this process. Print out the tool and use it as a guide to work through each step with the chosen issue. Print the tool summary and put it on your refrigerator as a reminder. As you become more familiar with the process, your confidence will build.

For many, using the parenting process is a new way of interacting. Be patient with yourself and keep practicing. This way of interacting with your child/teen takes practice. It is through practice that skills are learned and strengthened.

This document describes each of the five steps (Input, Teach, Practice, Support, and Recognize) in the parenting process and provides details about

● what each step is,

● why each step is important, and

● how to actively engage in each step with your child at every age.

Social and Emotional Development

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Healthy mental, emotional, and behavioral development is important for young people to lead meaningful, productive, and engaged lives.^1 Research suggests healthy social and emotional development is shaped by genetic, biological, social, and environmental factors that influence all stages of a child’s/teen’s growth (even before conception). “Children’s/teens’ social and physical environments literally shape their brains and consequently the behaviors and emotions they learn and experience.”

Prevent Substance Use at Every Age

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you are the biggest influence and the strongest intervention against your child/teen engaging in substance use at an early age. Your relationship with them guards against risk factors that your child/teen will encounter as they develop. It is through conversations with you that your child/teen will develop beliefs and understand your expectations about drugs and alcohol that will buffer them against information they receive in the media, from peers, and from other social interactions. It is important to talk with your child/teen early and often. How these conversations sound will change as your child matures.

Is My Child Using Drugs, What Do I Do?

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

If you are worried that your child/teen may be using cannabis or other drugs, don’t panic. Whether you are concerned about the misuse of prescription pain medication, cannabis use, or other drug use, there are many resources available to help. Let’s explore the signs and symptoms of substance use, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options you have for getting your child/teen help.

Is My Child Drinking, What Do I Do?

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

If you are worried that your child/teen may be drinking alcohol, don’t panic.There are many resources available to help. Let’s explore the signs and symptoms of alcohol use, ways to talk with your child/teen about concerns, and options you have for getting your child/teen help.

Intentional Communication

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

The key to many parenting challenges is finding ways to communicate with your child/teen where both your needs and your child’s/teen’s needs are met. Although this sounds simple, in the heat of the moment it is difficult to identify and differentiate

● your needs,

● your wants, and

● the positions you take.

It is also difficult to identify and differentiate

● your child’s/teen’s needs,

● your child’s/teen’s wants, and

● the variables that are contributing to their response.

Alcohol and the Teenage Brain

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

From the time your child is born, you create enriching opportunities where your child can explore, learn, develop new skills, create, and thrive.

You see your child develop and change in extraordinary ways. You know their developing brain continues to mature as a teen. In fact, during the teen years, their brain goes through dramatic changes, second only to the first three years of life!^1 This makes the teenage years particularly vulnerable to negative impacts on the brain. Between the ages of 12 and 21, alcohol use can significantly harm the brain.^1 Drinking alcohol in the teen years can result in negative changes to brain development and function. Let’s explore

● the consequences of underage drinking,

● the impact of alcohol on the developing teenage brain, and

● your role in delaying the use of alcohol.

Guidance and Discipline for Skill Building

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Throughout the various stages of development children/teens are working on understanding rules and applying them in various situations. They are seeking independence and will naturally break rules. This is a normal part of their development and is necessary for their learning. As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can choose to be purposeful and deliberate in the ways you provide guidance and discipline.

Calm Down Strategies for Parents and Children

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

Developing healthy ways to calm down gives parents and those in a parenting role and children/teens tools to manage their feelings. When parents or those in a parenting role take their own break to calm down, they model emotional regulation. When children/teens identify and practice calm down strategies, they are more likely to use them when big feelings arise. Once calm, parents or those in a parenting role and children/teens are able to communicate in healthy ways, strengthen relationships, and solve problems together.

Cannabis and the Teenage Brain

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

From the time your child is born, you create enriching opportunities where your child can explore, learn, develop new skills, create, and thrive.

You see your child develop and change in extraordinary ways. You know their developing brain continues to mature as a teen. In fact, during the teen years, your child’s brain goes through dramatic changes, second only to the first three years of life!^1 During this stage, from approximately 12 years old until the brain is fully developed in the mid-20s, substance use can significantly harm the brain.^1 Using cannabis in the teen years may result in negative changes to brain development and function. Let’s explore:

● the consequences of cannabis use during the teen years,

● the impact of cannabis on the developing teen brain, and

● your role in preventing or delaying the use of cannabis.

Intentional Ways to Grow a Healthy Parenting Relationship

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

As a parent, or those in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s/teen’s success. You are the most important influence in your child’s/teen’s life. Intentional parenting is an approach where you use strategies to build a healthy parent-child relationship. A healthy parent-child relationship provides opportunities for you and your child/teen to learn and practice social and emotional skills. Social and emotional skills are important because they are linked to significant positive outcomes throughout life, such as

● academic achievement,

● improved relationships,

● higher pay at work, and

● greater emotional wellbeing.

Social and emotional skills also serve to protect against negative outcomes such as

● conduct problems, and

● emotional distress.

Healthy Risk Taking

Wed, 31 Jan 2024 09:00:00 -0700

As a parent or those in a parenting role, you might find yourself worrying about all the risky behaviors in which your child/teen might engage and whether you have any influence on the choices that your child/teen makes. Rest assured, healthy risk taking is normal, and there are many ways you can increase the likelihood that your child/teen will engage in healthy risk taking and avoid unhealthy risk taking. Let’s explore what we mean by healthy and unhealthy risk taking, why children/teens take risks, and what you as a parent or those in a parenting role can do to support your child/teen.