Trauma Hiders Club with Karen Goldfinger Baker

Firewalking with Dave Albin

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Nov 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 133 - Firewalking with Dave Albin

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Dave Albin, an expert in personal development and corporate team building, shares his unique experiences and insights. His expertise has been sought after by renowned companies and organizations like Google, NASA, and Tony Robbins, who have all experienced the impact of his team-building activities.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Dave shares the power of creating a strong and cohesive team within an organization and the transformative effects it can have on employees.

You’ll hear about Dave’s journey of turning a struggling workplace into a thriving environment. Guess what? When people genuinely care about each other they are more likely to work together to overcome obstacles!

We discuss the significance of experiential learning and why it surpasses traditional classroom training. And Dave shares stories of the transformative power of firewalking and night swimming with sharks. And true to the Trauma Hiders Club, you’ll hear of the emotional struggles Dave faced along his journey.

"A firewalk can be one of the most profound experiences any human or group of humans can go through it." — Dave Albin

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Uncovering the hidden trauma that shapes us.

• The power of forgiveness and letting go.

• From struggle to success: Finding purpose.

• Breaking free from fear to achieve goals.

• The transformative potential of experiential learning.

• Building a strong and united team culture.

• Overcoming personal obstacles for collective growth.

• Embracing our true selves from childhood to now.

• Creating extraordinary experiences that change lives.

Resources:

www.firewalkadventures.com

Dave Albin on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dave-albin/

Dave Albin on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/firewalkadventures

Dave Albin on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/firebuilder2/

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of Trauma Hiders Club ‘The Podcast’ with Karen Goldfinger Baker. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

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The Power of Imagination Healing with Melanie Goodwin

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Nov 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 132 - The Power of Imagination Healing with Melanie Goodwin

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Melanie Goodwin.

Melanie believes firmly that trauma can be resolved. Melanie’s life has had 3 parts: Stuck & Clueless, Trauma Recovery, and (finally), a Producing Artist. These days Melanie is a singer-songwriter, composer and Amazon Best-Selling author.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, we talk trauma, neuroscience, and imagination-based healing. Melanie speaks about the differences between the male and female brain and shares personal experiences of perceiving things before they are proven, an ability to switch from the left to the right side of the brain and engaging in intuitive thinking as a child.

You’ll hear about the importance of trauma-informed treatments, such as drama therapy and alternative modalities mentioned in Bessel van der Kolk's book, "The Body Keeps the Score." The conversation touches on language, imagination, and the power of choosing the meaning we give to events.

"All of language is symbolic. Where a sound can mean a thing." — Melanie Goodwin

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Embracing whole brain movement.

• The power of “trans logical” thinking.

• Alternative trauma treatments.

• The poetic imagination to find meaning.

• The meaning you assign to events.

• Imagination-based healing techniques.

• The power of imagination for healing.

• Fostering a state of flow.

Resources:

https://melaniegoodwinstudios.com/

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Healing Religious Trauma with Christina Carlson

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Nov 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 131 - Healing Religious Trauma with Christina Carlson

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Christina Carlson, a Self-Relationship Coach, who embarked on a transformative journey seven years ago. Raised in a strict Evangelical Christian environment, her upbringing left no room for self-acceptance. After spending years believing she was broken, Christina yearned for something more. She began questioning the beliefs that had kept her quiet and compliant, delving into the depths of uncertainty. In this process, she discovered her knack for holding space for the undecided, a skill that naturally led her to coaching.

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

On this episode you’ll hear Christina share her journey of healing and self-discovery through coaching and reconnecting with her body. She discusses the challenges she faced in letting go of certain beliefs, particularly the concept of ‘hell’, stemming from her religious upbringing. Christina emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for exploring faith and self-care. The conversation also touches on the damaging effects of religious dogma within communities and the struggle to navigate personal paths separate from societal expectations. Christina offers practical tips for practicing self-connection, such as meditation, ritual, and physical movement. Christina highlights the importance of patience and autonomy in relationships. She also endorses laughter and fun!

"Your children are seen as arrows in your quiver to shoot out forward for the lord. It's a huge disappointment for parents to have their children walk away from something they gave everything to keep to."

— Christina Carlson

Listen for:

• Healing

• Faith

• Boundaries

• Community

• Self-connection

• Decision-making

• Autonomy

• Interdependence

• Somatic practices

• Fun and connection

Resources:

Christina Carlson’s website: https://www.christinamcarlson.com/

Christina Carlson on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@christinaclifecoaching

Christina Carlson on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christinacarlsonlifecoach/

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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Speaking Out to Break the Cycle of Trauma with Robin Cote - (REPLAY of THC117)

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 05 Oct 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC130 - Speaking Out to Break the Cycle of Trauma with Robin Cote (REPLAY THC117)

Robin Cotè is a multi-talented individual with a diverse background in media. From a young age, she immersed herself in film, radio, television, and the music industry. Despite enduring significant personal losses and facing various forms of abuse, Robin emerged as a survivor and an advocate for victims.

As a radio and show business personality, author, transformational coach, and motivational speaker, she brings a no-nonsense attitude to her work. Through her personal journey documented in her book, "Victim No More!", Robin empowers others to embrace self-worth, accountability, and a better life. With her infectious smile and unfiltered honesty, she is a respected member of the independent film and music community, a dedicated mother, and a living kidney donor. Robin's impact extends beyond her own experiences, as she shares her wisdom and truth on her podcast, Get Real with Robin.

In this powerful episode, Robin joins me as we discuss Empowerment through self-expression and speaking out.

We also discuss how others who have experienced trauma support a healing journey and break through the patterns of pain and victimhood.

“The ability to be able to be so honest and raw about things, has not only helped me heal, but it's a beautiful gift to be able to share that with other people” - Robin Cote

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Overcoming childhood trauma and redefining your life story on your terms.

• The importance of self-love and self-care in nurturing personal well-being and unstoppable resilience.

• The most entrenched cycles of trauma.

• Cultivating lasting change and growth.

• Self-expression as a therapeutic tool for transforming pain into healing and personal power.

• Setting boundaries, closing the door on toxic relationships, and welcoming a more peaceful, vibrant life.

Resources:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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From Darkness to Light with Jessie Torres

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 28 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 129 - From Darkness to Light with Jessie Torres

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Jessie Torres. Jessie has overcome child abuse, the murder of a brother, and a soul-crushing marriage. As a fearless advocate for personal growth, she guides clients to conquer fear and take courageous small steps toward their dream lives. Jessie's journey, filled with profound challenges and collaborations with thought leaders like Tony Robbins and the HeartMath Institute, fuels her belief that human potential knows no bounds. Her mission-driven coaching, informed by thousands of hours of experience, unlocks clients' inner superheroes. Jessie champions grace and grit, empowering others to heal emotional blocks and create purposeful lives.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Jessie reflects on her evolving perspective towards trauma. She discusses the confusion she experienced towards expressing love in her childhood and how when her emotions were dismissed, her nervous system was impacted. Jessie opens up about a traumatic incident in her marriage, which initiated her personal journey of self-discovery and understanding human behavior. She used books and workshops to educate herself, and sought out therapy, eventually moving to becoming a certified coach. Jessie also delves into spiritual practices, emphasizing the power of forgiveness and her connection to her spiritual self. She discusses multiple tragedies in her life and her ongoing journey of finding meaning in suffering.

In her quest to serve, she highlights the importance of finding light in darkness, showing compassion, and alchemizing trauma into something beautiful.

"For me, it's more of ‘boots on the ground’, meaning not just writing a big check to a nonprofit, where we don't know if the child is actually getting the money."

— Jessie Torres

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Connection

• Compassion

• Evolution

• Childhood

• Love

• Identity

• Resilience

• Creativity

• Collaboration

Resources:

Jessie Torres website: https://unshakeablelife.com/

Jessie’s Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/PaintoPassionandPurpose

Jessie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessietorres/

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Breaking Free from Negative Influences with Birgitta Visser

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 21 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 128 - Breaking Free from Negative Influences with Birgitta Visser

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Birgitta Visser a Soul Empowerment Coach and Light Configurator. Birgitta's life path has been an extraordinary and diverse one. She has traveled the world, immersing herself in different cultures and pursuing a wide array of occupations, ranging from modelling and website design to bartending and corporate work. She's also been a healer, teacher, oracle card reader, jewellery designer, and creator of organic soaps and candles.

Despite encountering turbulence and trauma along her path, Birgitta has learned to embrace her unique qualities and overcome adversity.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Brigitta shares her journey towards healing from childhood trauma and brings insights on cutting out negative influences and prioritizing self-love and joy. We discuss love, forgiveness, pain projection and pursuing a fulfilling life.

As Brigitta shares her story, you’ll learn about the bullying she endured in high school and about the loss of her father. Brigitta celebrated the publication of her book in September 2022, which has garnered much success. You’ll also hear about Brigitta's personal experiences with therapists, both negative and positive and the transformative power of deep trauma therapy, and how it incorporates techniques available to all of us, but often unknown or misunderstood.

"Every time something traumatic happens, it's an opportunity to reevaluate ourselves."

— Birgitta Visser

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Bullying

• Self-love and forgiveness

• Women’s empowerment

• Therapy

• Overcoming fear

• Reflection on the loss of a loved one

• Finding fulfillment

• Self-awareness

Resources:

Brigitta’s website: https://www.powersoulhealing.com/

Brigitta’s Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/186430355979894

Brigitta on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/universallightwarriors/

Brigitta on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHrjXt3goKbsWVXNv9kq5Tg

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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A Musical Path to Forgiveness with Tina Davidson

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 127 - A Musical Path to Forgiveness with Tina Davidson

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Tina Davidson, who is a highly regarded American composer, creates music that stands out for its emotional depth and lyrical dignity. Lauded for her authentic voice, The New York Times has praised her “vivid ear for harmony and colors.” Opera News describes Tina Davidson’s music as, “transfigured beauty,” and the Philadelphia Inquirer writes that she writes “real music, with structure, mood, novelty and harmonic sophistication – with haunting melodies that grow out of complex, repetitive rhythms."

Her book, Let Your Heart Be Broken, was published in 2023. Her memoir traces her extraordinary life in equally lyrical language, juxtaposing memories, journal entries, notes on compositions in progress, and insights into the life of an artist – and a mother – at work.

Over her forty-five year career, Davidson has been commissioned by well-known ensembles such as National Symphony Orchestra, OperaDelaware, Roanoke Symphony, VocalEssence, Kronos Quartet, Cassatt Quartet, and public television (WHYY-TV). Her music has been widely performed by many orchestras and ensembles, including The Philadelphia Orchestra, American Composers Orchestra, St. Paul Chamber Orchestra, Relâche Ensemble, and Orchestra 2001. She is recorded on Albany Records, New World Records, and Deutsche Grammophone.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, we talk about forgiveness, reparenting, and the extraordinary power of music to soothe the soul as Tina shares her powerful story.

From discovering her adoption at a tender age, the profound effects it had on her sense of identity and belonging and how music changed and became a part of her identity and life.

You’ll hear about the secrecy she shrouded her adoption in and the eventual emotional upheaval of leaving their foster family. Tina's experiences shed light on the complex dynamics of family and attachment. With an artistic career as a backdrop, Tina has confronted her trauma, and is firmly on the path towards healing and self-discovery.

“From a very early age, I don't want to say music was my alter ego, but it was a place that I could be safe.” Tina Davidson

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club:

• Gilbert and Sullivan

• Melodies

• Adoption

• Growth over dysfunction

• Forgiveness

• Reparenting

• Teaching

• Story through music

Resources:

Tina Davidson’s Website: https://www.tinadavidson.com/

Tina on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tina.davidson.5205/

Tina on IG: https://www.instagram.com/tinadavidson.music/

Tina on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrDxwJr9x_EvCiCT8LHt2wQ

Tina Davidson’s memoir, Let Your Heart Be Broken, Life and Music from a Classical Composer on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Let-Your-Heart-Broken-Classical/dp/1633376974

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download:

Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

VISIT TRAUMA HIDERS CLUB WEBSITE

Unexpected Gut Punch

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 07 Sep 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC126 - Unexpected Gut Punch

Today I share something that completely gutted me. It came from nowhere.

I can’t be sure if I came across it because some divine presence wanted me to learn something. But it affected me.

There is no call to action, no advice, nothing that you need to do, no judgment regarding what you should want to do…

All I offer is an invitation to consider life: Brian’s life and your own.

That’s all. Simple and difficult.

Brian ELDRIDGE Obituary

“May 1947 - July 2023 Brian was a quiet shy boy and man. He was bullied as a child and teenager because of his shyness and vulnerability. As an adult he didn't fit in. He never learned to use a computer or a cell phone, which kept him from applying for most jobs. He worked and supported himself through paper routes, aluminum can recycling and janitorial work. He was exploited by employers. His last job, was cleaning a bingo hall at midnight for $10 per hour 7 nights a week 364 days a year with just less than the minimum weekly hours to have any rights or benefits. His employer fired him on Christmas Eve with no notice. He had worked there for over 15 years. He had no friends or family who kept up with him. He was quiet, smart, generous and lonely. When found in his apartment he had been dead at least 4 days. I'll miss him”.

“The only invitation I offer is to consider life”

— Karen Goldfinger Baker

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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Exploring PTSD and Healing with Erik DaRosa

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 31 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0400

THC 125 - Exploring PTSD and Healing with Erik DaRosa

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club my guest is Erik DaRosa. Erik, known by friends as “Yoda,” is the Founder and CEO of From Survivor to Thriver, a mental health advocate, speaker, author and Co-host of the popular From Survivor to Thriver podcast. Through his work and his own experience, Erik is upending the front-end of the mental health space and building a bridge between those who seek resources and those who provide both help and hope. Each week on his podcast, he tackles different mental health topics through honest and relatable "kitchen table" conversations with real people who are helping to shatter mental health stigmas and find their voices. He aims to normalize discussions around mental health topics and remind his audience they are not alone, there is strength in community and "it's perfectly ok to not always be ok.” He lives in Snowmass Village, Colorado.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Erik reflects on his own life and the many hidden aspects he concealed for a significant period of time. He shares his incredible journey of healing and self-discovery and opens up about his recent PTSD diagnosis. He discusses how it has changed his life in unexpected ways.

We discuss the importance of destigmatizing mental illness and the power of a supportive community. You’ll find out about the transformative trip to New York City to and experience with OCD. Erik's story is one of resilience, growth, and the pursuit of mental well-being.

“I thought I was broken. I thought I was fucked up. I thought I... I used to look around at all my friends, and I would think what's wrong with me? Everybody else is normal, and I've got these thoughts in my head that if anybody even found out about, they would call the police, I'd be locked up.” — Erik DaRosa

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club:

• Recognizing energy vampires and surround yourself with givers.

• Destigmatizing mental illness and build a supportive community.

• PTSD diagnosis bringing relief and hope.

• Speaking up about mental health.

• New York City: a place of healing and growth.

• Combinng Western and Eastern medicine for holistic healing.

• Releasing trauma through reiki and body awareness.

• Finding healing through personal passions and activities.

• Normalizing conversations about mental health for progress.

Resources:

Listen to Erik’s Podcast ‘From Survivor to Thriver’ HERE

Read Erik’s article in SkiMag.com ‘How Skiing Saved My Life’ HERE

Connect with Erik on LinkedIn HERE

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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60 Lessons In 60 Years

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 24 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0400

On the eve of my 60th birthday, I invite you to my birthday party episode on Trauma Hiders Club.

So today I share 60 life lessons gathered through a journey of ups and downs.

From finding the power in pain to the power of kindness. The wisdom in saying "no," to the magic of rest and the beauty of authenticity.

I’ve come to learn that everything from birth and even grief leads to growth. It has been a profound realization to discover we are all worthy.

Every trauma hider can enjoy the liberation of shedding generational baggage. So

my birthday gift to you, and share in the importance of laughter and clean sheets.

“Powerful doesn’t show up as the loudest voice in the room”

— Karen Goldfinger Baker

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Discover how kindness is the foundation.

• Learn why saying "no" creates space for "yes."

• Realize the power of insight coupled with action.

• Explore the beauty in the quiet spaces of life.

• Understand that love and growth emerge from grief.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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From The Projects to Shakespeare with Percy Brown

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0400

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Actor and entertainer, Percy Brown.

Hailing from New York City, he is known for his unstoppable talent and magnetic charisma. He began honing his intellect and strategy in chess at the age of 7 and found his passion for acting at 14. Percy attended the Urban Assembly School for the Performing Arts, where he was nurtured by the renowned Epic Theatre Company. He went on to major in Theatre at St. Bonaventure University, earning a BA in Fine Arts/Theatre in 2018. Percy's dedication and talent have propelled him to launch The Prince of Fresh Air Podcast in 2020, which has rapidly gained a global audience.

Listen in and you’ll learn how reading novels allowed him to tap into a different universe and spark creativity. Percy shares insights into his passion for acting and the complexities of this art form, striving for realism and emotional attachment to characters.

Percy shares his personal experiences in foster care, explaining the emotional and physical trauma he endured.

You’ll hear about the strained relationship with his real family, the challenges of finding his self-identity, and how he has arrived to a place of acceptance.

“I think doing Shakespeare challenged me as an actor because it wasn't as easy as just playing a boy next door. It wasn't it was a lot more simple, a lot more context, and a lot of dialogue.”

— Percy Brown

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• The versatility of ‘Dead Ass’

• Understanding the importance of time as you age.

• Voice induction class in college taught the power of inflection.

• Acting is a skilled and complex art.

• How Shakespeare helps.

• Gang activity, law and order shootings, celebrities.

• Strict foster care, lack skills, severe discipline

• Escaping reality through books and chess.

• Finally enjoying vacation and advancing acting career.

• Dedicated to acting, prioritizing enjoyment of life.

• Using your voice.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success

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High School Reunion

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0400

This week I reflect on my high school reunion. From the predictable anxiety of wondering what to wear to the questions. Who I should speak with? Who I should avoid? Frankly, I experienced an entire gamut of clichéd feelings you might expect.

But I didn’t expect was how different it would be to all the others.

There was something missing from other school reunions I’d been to before. And it was so much better because of it.

Rather than the status games of virtue and dominance being played out all over the place, there seemed to be a profound sense of happiness and gratitude in a room. My old class mates had become people who’d lived, loved and lost and it was great to be with them.

“What really struck me is the generosity, the kindness and the softening that happens to people over time.”

— Karen Goldfinger Baker

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Reunion wardrobe

• Grief and healing

• Reflection

• Personal growth

• Reunion and connection

• Generosity and kindness over time

• Vulnerability and self-acceptance

• Change and perspective

• Home

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

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Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

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The Beauty of Weirdos with Jacob Nordby

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 03 Aug 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Jacob Nordby is an acclaimed author known for his transformative and inspiring works. He is the creative mind behind "The Divine Arsonist: A Tale of Awakening" and "Blessed Are the Weird – A Manifesto for Creatives," with his quotes spreading worldwide. Through his Creative UnBootcamp course and group retreats, he guides students on their creative journeys. With a rich history in entrepreneurship, Jacob has founded and built several successful ventures, gaining expertise in sales, marketing, and business strategy. With a decade of experience in writing and publishing, his third book, "The Creative Cure,” released in 2020 with a foreword by Julia Cameron. He has also been a contributing writer and editor for publications like The Good Men Project and Elephant Journal. As a sought-after teacher and speaker, he empowers thousands through his Creative UnBootcamp course and co-produces events like "The Gathering of the Shamans" and "The Gathering of the Creatives." Jacob's passion lies in fostering creativity and transformation in the lives of others, making a profound impact through his words and teachings.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Jacob joins me today to discuss his book, "Blessed Are The Weird" We speak about the rewards of embracing intensity and finding beauty in unconventional qualities. Jacob shares his journey of canceling a publishing deal to ensure his book was an authentic reflection of his experiences and explore the power of storytelling in healing, the importance of integration, and the struggles of feeling like an outsider. Jacob also offers creative guidance, suggests daily writing practices, and highlights the transformative connection between healing and creativity. A thought-provoking episode to celebrates the beauty in being weird.

“We have to walk back through that graveyard at some level, and that by itself is the reason that so many people can't or won't do it. And it's not that they're weak. It's not that they're stupid. It's that the body literally says, fuck. No. We're not going there again.”

— Jacob Nordby

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Celebrating unconventional individuals.

• The struggle of writing.

• Childhood experiences of constant moving and the power of telling one's story for healing.

• Finding one's place.

• Use of Japanese art of repairing vessel in writing prompts.

• Revisiting traumatic experiences.

Creative guidance and coaching.

• The connection between healing and creativity.

• The use of daily writing practice and taking time to heal the imagination.

Resources:

https://www.jacobnordby.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacobnordby/

http://instituteforcreativeliving.org/

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download:

Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

VISIT TRAUMA HIDERS CLUB WEBSITE

Triggered

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 27 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0400

This week I give you a behind the scenes of their challenging work on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast. I’ve come to believe that the work of dealing with trauma is never-ending, but despite this, I have a deep sense of fulfilment and completion.

While I once hoped that doing my own work would help me leave all my problems behind, I’ve come to understand that everyone is ultimately complete and whole.

Recording this podcast does sometimes really overwhelms me and occasionally causes me to revert back to my childhood self.

But these days I have the tools and resources to handle triggers. And in this episode you’ll hear about how I manage and prioritize well-being to break the cycle.

“I am whole. And you are too”

— Karen Goldfinger Baker

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Challenging work and never-ending journey.

• Fulfillment and completion despite challenges.

• Belief in everyone's inherent wholeness.

• Desire for therapy to find resolution.

• Exhaustion and breaking point.

• Tools and resources for coping.

• Mindfulness in time and relationships.

• Intensity of emotions during difficult times.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download:

Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

VISIT TRAUMA HIDERS CLUB WEBSITE

Post Betrayal Syndrome with Dr. Debi Silber

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Dr Debi Silber is a renowned expert in dealing with betrayal. Led to this path due to her own experiences of being betrayed by both her family and her husband.

She realized that she needed to take her needs seriously and set boundaries to prevent further betrayals. This realization led her to pursue a PhD in transpersonal psychology to help others dealing with betrayal. She is a speaker, coach, and author of several books on the subject, and uses her own experiences to help others heal and move forward in their lives.

On this episode of Trauma Hiders Club, Dr. Debi Silber joins me to discuss the five stages of healing from post betrayal syndrome.

We dive into statistics on the physical and mental symptoms experienced by those who have been betrayed, emphasizing the importance of healing from this trauma.

Dr. Silber shares her personal experience of betrayal and discovering the unique healing process required for this type of trauma. She also discusses the stages of recovery and the importance of not getting stuck in stage three.

You'll learn about the quiz offered on their website to identify the extent of post betrayal syndrome and the PBT Institute's transformative programs.

On this episode, you’ll get helpful insights, guidance, and practical tips for healing and reclaiming one's life after betrayal.

“The Reality of Post Betrayal Syndrome: We know we can't count on time.”

— Dr Debi Silber

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Betrayals that led Dr Silber to study transpersonal psychology.

• Father’s circus promise broken, clown's betrayal.

• Betrayal’s lasting impact: Post Betrayal Syndrome

• 5 stages: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, survival.

• 5 stages of healing and transformation.

• Willingness to let go of the past.

• Quizzes, programs to overcome betrayal.

• Empathy for betrayal, supportive empire building.

Resources:

The PBT Institute

Dr Debi Silber's Podcast

Dr Debi Silber on LinkedIn

Dr Debi Silber on Instagram

Dr Debi Silber Facebook

Dr Debi Silber on YouTube

Dr Debi Silber on TilTok

Dr Debi Silber on Twitter

Dr Debi Silber on Pinterest

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download:

Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

VISIT TRAUMA HIDERS CLUB WEBSITE

Fall In Love With Your Boogieman

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Today, I dive into the concept of "Pitch Slapped” (Episode 116) and share my unique coaching approach.

Join me as I share exactly how I help high-achieving individuals release the fuckery, show up authentically, and lead with legendary impact.

Through sharing, reflecting, and taking action, I guide my clients towards profound self-realizations and liberation.

" I get it…you aren’t sure how things will work out. It is in that space, where true growth happens.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on Trauma Hiders Club:

Understanding the Pitch Slap:

• Exploring the deceptive nature of sales pitches disguised as friendly conversations.

• My coaching practice, where I help trauma hiders and dream pursuers.

• Embrace authenticity and lead like a legend.

The Power of Insights and Growth:

• Experience the thrill of discovering new aspects of yourself through shared experiences and deep reflections.

• Embrace uncertainty as a catalyst for true growth.

• Create profound moments of self-realization and fall in love with yourself.

Scrapped Corporate Pricing to the end of 2023:

• Quickstart for 3 months/90 days at $5000 and

• Deep Dive for 9 months $14,000.

Listen to testimonials from my clients, including an elite athlete's transformational journey.Join me in embracing your true self and exploring the magic of self-discovery.

Contact me at karen@karengoldfingerbaker.com to start your own transformative experience.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

VISIT TRAUMA HIDERS CLUB WEBSITE

Speaking Out to Break the Cycle of Trauma with Robin Cote

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 06 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0400

In this powerful episode, Robin joins me as we discuss Empowerment through self-expression and speaking out.

We also discuss how others who have experienced trauma support a healing journey and break through the patterns of pain and victimhood.

“The ability to be able to be so honest and raw about things, has not only helped me heal, but it's a beautiful gift to be able to share that with other people” - Robin Cote

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club

• Overcoming childhood trauma and redefining your life story on your terms.

• The importance of self-love and self-care in nurturing personal well-being and unstoppable resilience.

• The most entrenched cycles of trauma.

• Cultivating lasting change and growth.

• Self-expression as a therapeutic tool for transforming pain into healing and personal power.

• Setting boundaries, closing the door on toxic relationships, and welcoming a more peaceful, vibrant life.

Resources:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Pitch Slapped

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 29 Jun 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Today: The dreaded sales pitch. Those moments when you're innocently listening to a podcast, scrolling through LinkedIn, and suddenly, bam! You’re trapped in a sales ambush.

Fear not, because here in the Trauma Hiders Club, we do things differently.

Understanding the Pitch Slap:

That feeling when you're just going about your day, engaging in normal activities, and then, out of nowhere, you're hit with a sales pitch.

So why do people keep doing it? Lazy people do lazy shit.

The Power of Authentic Coaching:

No slippery messages about what I do as an executive coach.

You’ll discover, how I help high-achieving individuals who hide trauma, boredom, and dreams under a cloak of exhaustion.

Finding your worth, preserving your self-esteem, and taking accountability for your life.

Embracing Transformation:

It's not as simple as three steps. We dig deep, translating the endless loops of doom, boredom, and unworthiness playing in your head.

Generosity and Accessibility:

I’m honoring of my mother's essential generosity. For the first time in five years, I've scrapped the high fee corporate structure.

Now, I offer two options.

It's about making this investment in yourself accessible and affordable because this work is life-changing.

"It's not my job to blow smoke up your ass. This work is about sharing yourself, listening, reflecting, and taking actions fuelled by insights.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on Trauma Hiders Club:

Authentic coaching focuses on releasing the fuckery, showing up authentically, and leading like a legend.
The transformative journey involves translating negative thought patterns, evaluating behaviors, and illuminating your powerful identity.
Sharing, listening, reflecting, and taking action.
Creating profound moments of self-realization and liberation from deeply held beliefs.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Transforming Trauma Into Freedom with Susan Gold

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 22 Jun 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Susan Gold is the executive behind Susan Gold Consulting LLC, an organization that creates opportunities for brands and develops business by constructing strategic alliances and leveraging relationships. She is the author of Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom. In Toxic Family, Susan chronicles how—after prevailing through an unstable family dynamic—she went on to transform her life, launch her own talent brokerage firm, and make a name for herself building connections between celebrities and brands, eventually paving the way for her to become a producer for film and television.

Susan joins me today to share her journey in transforming childhood trauma into adult freedom. She describes the violent, unstable household she grew up in and how she managed to keep herself safe through dance. She discusses how she dreamed about going to New York City as a teenager and how she later worked with her heroine, Barbara Walters. She also explains the purpose of traditional therapy and somatic modalities, highlights the kind of healing work she underwent to find freedom and healing, and describes learning to live in a comfortable, loving relationship as an adult.

“The puzzle pieces connected magically, and I could see how it all came together for the beauty of soul evolution.” - Susan Gold

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Susan’s childhood and her adult imaginary friend

● What freedom meant to the five-year-old Susan

● Growing up in a little town in Pennsylvania and what her family unit was like

● How Susan kept herself safe as a child in an unstable household

● Her years, dreams, and heroine as a teenager in the 70s

● Working with Barbara Walters and persuading a semi-reclusive Andy Warhol

● How Susan worked with therapy and different healing modalities in her 20s

● The purpose of traditional therapy and somatic modalities

● Hiding fear and experiencing impostor syndrome as a writer

● Forgiveness and why forgiving abusers isn’t essential to healing

Related Episode:

● 108 | Reflections on Love

Connect with Susan Gold:

● Susan Gold Consulting

● Susan Gold Website

● Book: Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom

● Susan Gold on LinkedIn

● Susan Gold on Twitter

● Email: susan@susangoldconsulting.com

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Grief Is A Trip Hazard

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 15 Jun 2023 05:00:00 -0400

On the show today: Finding Connection in Loneliness: Grieving in a World that Doesn't Understand.

I riff on how a sudden obstacle that can throw us off balance, making the simplest of tasks feel impossible.

It's a journey that we never expect to take, yet one that we all must eventually face.

But what happens when grief becomes a part of us, an ever-present weight that we carry with us always?

Today I discuss how I navigate the complexities of grief, finding comfort in unexpected places and learning to accept the changes that it brings.

Maybe if all us grievers wore black armbands for the rest of our days, we'd know who else doesn't belong. And we could just all not belong together.

- Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on Trauma Hiders Club:

· Take time to embrace the feeling of peace.

· Reflect on the concept of yearning.

· Seeking support from loved ones.

· Embracing loneliness.

· Practice surrendering.

· The concept of grief living in your body and explore ways to release it.

Uncover the intricate nature of grief and how it shapes our experiences.

· Examine the bodily and mental responses that accompany the grieving process.

· Handling intense emotions of anger and sorrow through the grief process.

· The sense of being out of place during a time of loss.

· The importance of grasping grief to rediscover comfort in what once was familiar.

Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success

Go to: KarenGoldfingerBaker.com

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of ‘Trauma Hiders Club Podcast’ with Karen Goldfinger Baker. Hear more at

KarenGoldfingerBaker.com/podcast

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

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Freedom From Fear with Susan Snow

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 08 Jun 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Susan Snow is a keynote speaker and author. In 1985, her father, LAPD Detective Thomas C. Williams, died in the line of duty. Susan chronicles her journey through the trauma she experienced following her father’s death in The Other Side of the Gun, a book born out of her desire to heal herself and mission to help others in their healing. As a speaker, Susan holds thoughtful and empowering workshops and keynote presentations, and has appeared in several media outlets and public speaking forums. Susan is also a Realtor® and broker associate with over 13 years of experience providing real estate services.

Susan joins me today to share how her life was changed forever when her father was ambushed and killed. She describes how and why she felt like she had to navigate the loss of her father on her own and explains why she felt shame, guilt, and frustration after his death. She discusses going through life in constant fight-or-flight states and what made her decide to reclaim her wellbeing years after his death. She also outlines the resiliency tools she acquired from doing healing work and underscores what it will take for anyone to gain freedom from fear.

“There will be things that will happen in your life, and it’s scary to look at it in the face; you need to find what will help you move through it. Then you’ll find the freedom from fear having a hold on your life.” - Susan Snow

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Susan’s life as a ten-year-old girl

● Her mom’s work as a counselor and HR professional

● Her father’s work as a detective for the LAPD

● How Susan found confidence after lacking self-esteem in her younger years

● Susan’s younger brother and the murder of her foster sister

● Making sense of loss and the murder of a family member at a young age

● The death of her father in a drive-by shooting

● Navigating the death of her father as a teenager

● Why Susan felt shame, guilt, and frustration after the death of her father

● Experiencing severe depression and anxiety and Susan’s first encounter with a therapist

● How the Columbine shooting led Susan to deep dive into her healing work

● The power of journaling and EMDR

● Why I resisted journaling for a long time

● Writing The Other Side of the Gun

Connect with Susan Snow:

● Susan Snow Website

● Email: susansnowspeaks@gmail.com

● Book: The Other Side of the Gun: My Journey from Trauma to Resiliency

● Susan Snow on LinkedIn

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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How I Earned My Tears

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 01 Jun 2023 05:00:00 -0400

My lifelong sense of exile and exclusion, specifically during Yizkor (memorial prayer) services at the synagogue is over.

For 58 years and 5 months, I had been excused from the room where I did not belong, but this time, I chose to stay behind. As others left, I experienced a profound sense of awe and found myself reflecting on my mother and the connection we shared.

Today I ponder on how I have earned my tears through love.

The unity within the sanctuary, knowing that each person present carried a missing part—their loved ones who have passed away. I felt solace and a deep sense of everlasting unity.

"Despite her absence, I laughed and cried, embracing the realization that I have earned my tears through loving fiercely."

– Karen Goldfinger Baker

This Week on Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

· Choosing to stay during Yizkor service

· Feeling awe and reflection in the silence that followed

· Memories of my mother and her direct way of speaking

· Laughing and crying

· Recognizing the love I've poured into my relationships

· Finding unity and connection with fellow mourners

· Understanding the missing part in each of us

· The enduring legacy that unites us all

Related Episodes:

A Eulogy for My Mother

Grief and the Fear of Loss

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Religious Trauma and Self-Compassion with Becca Ferguson

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 25 May 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Becca Ferguson is a keynote speaker and a licensed professional counselor in Northwestern Arkansas. She is the owner of The Therapy Office, through which she and other mental health professionals offer a unique counseling experience for all people, helping them create the best version of themselves. As a counselor, Becca is experienced in suicide intervention, crisis management, trauma-informed therapy, and eating disorder treatment. She holds a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Henderson State University and a Bachelor’s in Radio and Television from the University of the Ozarks.

Becca joins me today to share her experience with religious trauma, abuse, and manipulation and describe her journey to healing. She discusses the religious background of her family and her early involvement with the church in her childhood and teenage years. She details her relationship with an abusive, violent, and manipulative youth pastor and how she found the strength to leave that relationship and her church. Becca also highlights the relationship between trauma and guilt, underscores what true self-compassion is, and shares how she’s empowering other women and helping them heal their trauma through her work as a therapist and speaker.

“Anybody that has trauma has struggles with self-compassion, but the only way to heal this is through believing that you can trust yourself again.” - Becca Ferguson

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Becca’s childhood and early involvement with the church

● Her teenage years and life in youth ministry

● Crisis of conscience and spiritual responsibilities

● Her traumatic relationship with a manipulative and abusive youth minister

● How her relationship with her youth minister impacted her relationships with other people

● How Becca began to notice that her relationship with her youth minister was unhealthy

● Trauma, guilt, and how Becca began her journey to healing and becoming a therapist

● How Becca left the church and her relationship with her youth minister

● Becca’s mission to empower women and make mental health services accessible

Resources Mentioned:

● Book: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

Connect with Becca Ferguson:

● The Therapy Office

● Becca Ferguson Website

● Online Courses: use code TRAUMAHIDERS for 10% off

● The Therapy Office on LinkedIn

● Becca Ferguson on LinkedIn

● Becca Ferguson on Instagram

● Becca Ferguson on Facebook

● Becca Ferguson on YouTube

● Becca Ferguson on TikTok

This episode includes descriptive mention of violence and abuse. Please choose your environment carefully as you listen to this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast.

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Worthy of Care

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 18 May 2023 05:00:00 -0400

About a year ago, I shared my experiences at my first all-women retreat cultivated and led by my friend and fellow coach, Allison Crow. I talked about how I had avoided women’s retreats, fearing that I would not be able to connect or create connections with other women. But I went nonetheless and learned more about my avoidance and how I related with other women.

Recently, I made another huge move—I went back to camp. Here’s what happened.

In this episode, I share my experience of going back to camp. I explain how I didn’t get hung up on being perceived as antisocial and put my desire to rejuvenate above all else. I also describe how I stayed present with my fellow campers, spent time with people, and showed up open.

“I showed up open and took care of myself—saved myself—I always have. But this time, it wasn’t because I had to, but because I could; because I’m worthy of care, and so are you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● My return to camp

● Why I avoided going to women’s retreats

● My fear of being perceived as the worst type of woman

● How I showed up on my recent camping trip

● Being worthy of care

Related Episodes:

● Writing Your Way Home with Allison Crow

● Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

● Sisterhood and Belonging

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Uncovering Unrecognized Early Childhood Trauma with Colin Kingsmill

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 11 May 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Colin Kingsmill is a transformational coach. Prior to dedicating himself to helping people make meaningful shifts in their lives, Colin worked successfully for a decade in Swiss banking. Today, as the founding partner of Whole Human Coaching, Colin is on a mission to help people discover their humanity to change the world. He holds an MBA from Saint Xavier University and a Bachelor’s in Political Science, History, and French from Simon Fraser University.

Colin joins me today to discuss what happens when insight opens us up to going deeper into who we are, how we are, and who we want to be in the world. He shares how letters from his late mother started his journey into uncovering unrecognized early childhood trauma. He describes how he began working on his trauma through therapy and studying and discusses his road to spiritual awakening. Colin also discusses how he is drawing from his personal experiences to help younger people who tend to make decisions through the lens of earlier childhood trauma.

“Watch and be aware of the coping mechanisms in your day-to-day life. If you can go find the origin story of that mechanism, it can be liberating.” - Colin Kingsmill

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● How Colin and I connected and our thoughts on Tinder and PodMatch

● What Colin is hiding the most right now

● How the answer isn’t always the answer in coaching

● Practicing being fully me

● Letters from Colin’s mother and how they impacted him

● Colin’s childhood and how his life was framed by unrecognized trauma

● Why Colin’s father gave him his mother’s letters to her best friend

● The kind of person Colin thinks he would have become if he did not receive the letters

● People-pleasing and other classic trauma hider behavior

● The two chapters of Colin’s life

● Reading everything and doing nothing, and our experience with mindfulness and meditation practices

● The gas tank metaphor and how Colin helps younger people uncover earlier childhood trauma

● Inner child work and how your inner child drives your buses

Resources Mentioned:

● Book: The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

● App: Waking Up

● App: Calm

● App: Inkblot Therapy

Connect with Colin Kingsmill:

● Colin Kingsmill Website

● Colin Kingsmill on LinkedIn

● Colin Kingsmill on Instagram

● Colin Kingsmill on Facebook

● Colin Kingsmill on Twitter

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Reflections on Love

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 04 May 2023 05:00:00 -0400

I was never one to dream about being a bride or planning a wedding—perhaps I was too busy navigating my life as a trauma hider. However, I did know a few things: I knew who I wanted to be in love, and knew with whom I wanted to be in love. I wanted to be real, honest, vulnerable, and raw, and I wanted my person to be with all of me, even if I didn’t want to deal with all of me. I married the guy who stayed, and not just because he could deal with all of me; he showed up sweetly, tenderly, as a human who felt at home and continues to 32 years later.

In this episode, I reflect on love as we celebrate the 32nd anniversary of our beautiful wedding. I also discuss the kind of person I wanted to be—and be with—in love, describe our wedding at our family home, and share the most gracious statement my mother has made about me.

“To love each other has been the easiest and most difficult part of being married: each day is a recommitment to love.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Who I wanted to be in love and the kind of person I wanted to be in love with

● Our beautiful wedding at our family home

● What it’s like to be married for more than 30 years

● My mother’s toast and the legacy I want to honor

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

Healing the Self, the Food System, and the Earth with Jon Katz

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 27 Apr 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Jon Katz is an online personal coach based in New York City. He is the creator of NYC Foodways Coaching, which helps people transform their minds and bodies by using the same personal development program that saved his life when he was considering suicide at age 34. Jon’s program, based on the principle of replacing negative thought and behavior patterns with positive ones, is tailored for people struggling with anxiety, depression, obsessive tendencies, negative self-talk, and low self-worth. Jon is also the creator and host of NYC Foodways, a YouTube channel where he covers food, culture, and the various nourishing traditions that link us all.

Jon joins me today to discuss his journey to personal healing. He describes what led him to a place of extreme nihilism and how he took back the narrative of his existence. He explains how making the transition from a place of nihilism to working on healing and personal development shocked his physical, nervous, and emotional systems. He discusses cognitive dissonance, aligning with the future self, and the link between mental and physical fitness. Jon also highlights how our relationship with food shapes our relationship with the earth, what participating in the NYC Foodways Coaching program looks like, and why honesty is a critical piece in healing the self.

“The way we interact with food is the way we interact with the earth, and the way we interact with the earth is who we are.” - Jon Katz

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Why Jon connected with the book Ender’s Game as a child

● Making the shift from nihilism to being committed to healing

● The willingness to have your heart broken

● How denial drives people to unhealthy and toxic consumption

● The importance of being honest about negative behaviors

● What foodways are

● The normalization of drug and alcohol use

● The destructive and wasteful food system in the United States

● Jon’s experience with fat shaming

● The ethos behind Jon’s NYC Foodways Coaching practice

● The value of a customized nutrition plan

● Why there’s too much “hiding” in the world

Resources Mentioned:

● Book: Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card

Connect with Jon Katz:

● NYC Foodways on YouTube

● Jon Katz on Instagram

● Email: NYCFoodways@Gmail.com

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Matilda, Magical Thinking, and Me

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 20 Apr 2023 05:00:00 -0400

“Once upon a time,” Roald Dahl’s classic children’s book Matilda started, “there was a little girl who was trapped.”

I wasn’t a child when Matilda came out. But a few years later, I had children, and when my children watched the movie version on VHS, I sat with them. I didn’t watch with them. Those opening lines caught me—I couldn’t watch. But when I recently rewatched Matilda on Netflix—just me, Netflix, and Matilda—I heard and saw her in a new way for the very first time.

In this episode, I discuss what I learned from recently watching Matilda. I describe what “magical thinking” is and its function as a response to trauma. I also explore the film’s themes about the impacts of trauma.

“Magical thinking is a coping mechanism often associated with trauma; it’s not bad nor good, but a response. For me, and in my assertion for Matilda, magical thinking was there to take control—to be in power.” - Karen Goldfinger-Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Matilda and the impact of trauma

● How Matilda coped with her trauma through her imagination

● Magical thinking and its function

● My hope for Matilda

Resources Mentioned:

● Book: Matilda by Roald Dahl

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Meeting the Adult Child with Andrea Ashley

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 13 Apr 2023 00:18:00 -0400

Andrea Ashley is the host and producer of the Adult Child Podcast, the leading and fastest-growing podcast on the impact of growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. A CPA by profession, Andrea worked in accounting and financial firms before launching her podcast. She has worked in CFGI’s Business and Talent Acquisition team and was a senior consultant for Armanino, as well as an audit senior associate at KPMG US. At the Adult Child Podcast, Andrea and her guests have raw and vulnerable conversations about codependency, complex trauma, alcoholism and addiction, generational trauma, and toxic shame.

Andrea joins me today to discuss connection, disconnection, dysfunction, and what it means to be an adult child. She describes her “Tale of Two Brains” and reveals what the Broken Picker Syndrome is. She shares her experience with severe separation anxiety as a child and explains how she realized that unresolved childhood trauma impacts how she maintains relationships. Andrea also highlights how therapy has helped her work through trauma and enumerates the characteristics that adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families have in common.

“The journey into the soul to embrace our pain, live our authentic selves, and own our entire stories—especially the really messy shit—is a beautiful opportunity to heal and grow.” - Andrea Ashley

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

A Tale of Two Brains and the Broken Picker Syndrome
How Andrea realized her childhood upbringing impacted her previous relationships
Severe separation anxiety and alcoholism as a symptom of family dysfunction and trauma
What happens to abandonment issues when they’re not healed
How working with a therapist helped Andrea confront complex trauma
What Andrea was like before she worked with a therapist and how she’s changed
Recreating the chaos of our childhood
How therapy led Andrea to search for her life purpose
The road to launching the Adult Child Podcast
The ACA’s Laundry List
Embracing our past and our childhood

Resources Mentioned:

Dump Your Shit
Book: Adult Children of Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families by ACA WSO
Book: The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss by Susan Anderson

Connect with Andrea Ashley:

Related Episodes:

The Courage to Connect with Our Feelings with Joe Ryan

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Two Worlds

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Up to this point, I kept my coaching practice somewhat separate from the Trauma Hiders Club podcast. My coaching practice has always been full, flourishing, and thriving with exponential growth, but ever since my mom died, I’ve been looking at it. What struck me was the myriad of ways I had kept so many people out while offering exclusive, high-ticket engagement, VIP experiences, and made-up rules about who gets in and who stays out.

In this episode, I explore combining my world as the host of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast and as an executive leadership coach. I discuss how and why I’m not for most people and describe the kind of people who will—and who will probably not—connect well with me.

“If you hear something that opens you up to seeing something for yourself, and you want to explore that in reflective, safe, trauma-informed conversations, know that I’m here.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Podcasting as a grieving host
How I separated my world as a podcast host from my world as an executive coach
My “Fuck off” and “Fuck, yes!” kinds of people
How to reach out to me

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Grief and Love

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 30 Mar 2023 05:00:00 -0400

I’m going to save you a lot of time and needless worry and let you in on a secret that nobody tells you until you become a member of the Dead Family Member Secret Society. The timesaving, worry-saving, and (possibly) money-saving secret is—grief is love. Grief is love’s confusion. Grieving is loving. Now, before you roll your eyes or boo at me, I want you to hear me out.

In this episode, I discuss grief and love. I explain why grief is love confused. I also describe how I’m learning to love my mother in her absence and underscore how grief is learning to love in a new way.

“Grief is learning to love in a new way. I’m learning to love my mother while she isn’t here; I’m grieving her presence, loving her absence.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The relationship between grief and love
Why we grieve
Learning to love my mother in her absence

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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A Quiet Place

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 05:00:00 -0400

I have chosen peace and quiet. I lived in two worlds for most of my life. One was a world where I let others see what I wanted them to see, and the other was a world where I kept people from the broken, damaged, unlovable me. And, in those two different worlds, I wasn’t aware that I was struggling with quiet, stillness, and peace. While I craved stillness and peace, the dark quiet of the night had been a trigger for me. But, today, I welcome quiet.

In this episode, I share how I straddled between two different worlds for a vast majority of my life and discuss my struggles with peace and quiet. I also describe how I have chosen peace—despite my struggles with it—after the recent passing of my mother.

“The dark, quiet nighttime had been a trigger for me. Here’s the thing: since the passing of my mother, I have chosen quiet, I have chosen stillness, I have chosen peace.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

“Quiet, stillness, and peace feel like the best, warmest, longest, most welcoming hugs that I craved then and welcome now. Nothingness is everything right now—peace is essential.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Living life in two different worlds
The quiet places I created in my life
My struggles with peace and quiet
Choosing stillness, peace, and quiet

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Grief and the Fear of Loss

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Mar 2023 05:00:00 -0400

A friend recently thanked me for sharing my grief experience on Facebook and Instagram. She told me that she was terrified of the inevitable loss of her currently healthy, thriving mother. But what I learned about loss—and this is something I learned only after my mother’s funeral—is that there’s nothing to fear. And while I can’t say I’m on the other side of grief—because I’m doubtful there’s an “other side” to it—I understood something about grief that I could only learn by being on the other side of death and loss.

In this episode, I explore the fear of death and of losing someone important to us. I describe how I’m giving myself space to move through my days. I also discuss how grief changes us and the relationship between the fear of a loved one’s death and the illusion of control.

“I grieve for the ‘before’ me that got to hear her mother say her name. ‘After’ me relies on memory, aware of the presence of absence—moving through, pushing back, sometimes resisting, sometimes flowing.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Lessons I learned after my mother’s funeral
Grief and how there may be no “other side” to it
The fear of death and the illusion of control

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Seeing Ourselves Over 100 Conversations

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Mar 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Let me tell you something: when I set out to do this project, I never imagined that this podcast—with the goal of normalizing conversations around trauma—would be fun or interesting after 25 episodes. And yet, here we are at the 100th episode of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast, continuing to grow and flourish. While I could boast about how the number of listeners or messages shared has grown over the last 100 episodes, I believe we, as a community, have experienced something more powerful than any podcast metric.

In this episode, I look back on what I experienced over the last 100 episodes of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast and what I’ve learned from you, the listeners. I also highlight the value of seeing ourselves, living our truth, and letting go.

“I could go on about the messages shared or the numbers of listeners, but none of that is as meaningful, as powerful, as transformational than any of us seeing ourselves, our truth, and being our truth.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My initial expectations for this podcast
100 episodes of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast—from my point of view
Meeting ourselves and our truths for the first time
Letting go of the self we created out of survival

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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A Eulogy for My Mother

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Mar 2023 05:00:00 -0400

As a child, I learned from Sunday school that it was my responsibility to be a mother. To prepare for that game, I studied my own mother: a brilliant, independent, and courageous woman I admired. With her as my role model, I learned everything from connection and heartbreak to sending kids to overnight camp and the value of reading. As she trusted me to be a fierce warrior for her life and a compassionate advocate for the end of her life, I learned something about her that perhaps only I had the privilege of knowing.

In this episode, I recall the lessons I learned from (and about) my mom throughout my life with her. I share who Joyful Toby is and what Sunday mornings were like back in the early 70s. I describe the time I learned the Shema—the prayer for peace—and my responsibility to teach my children so they can teach theirs. I also reveal what I learned about my mother and highlight how grief and love can coexist.

“My mom, who many times over had been called tough, was actually a soft, kind, and complex human who could be vulnerable at the four-way intersection of motherhood, daughterhood, loyalty, and love.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Meet my mother
Going back home with Joyful Toby
Sunday mornings in the early 70s
Learning the Shema
Things I learned from and about my mother

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Navigating the Vortex of Trauma, Loss, and Grief with Nancy Perlson

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Nancy Perlson is a trauma-informed licensed clinical social worker trained in somatically-based treatments and modalities. She is a long-time yoga practitioner and instructor certified through the Yoga Alliance as well as an active member of the International Association of Yoga Therapists. In 2010, Nancy created Connecting Through Yoga, a yoga bereavement support program. She has served on the Board of Directors for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and has volunteered for the Loving Outreach for Survivors of Suicide since 1999. For her advocacy and influence on the lives of individuals impacted by suicide and mental illness, Nancy received the Charles T. Ruby LOSS Award in 2017.

Nancy joins me today to share her experience with trauma and discuss the necessary steps for healing grief and loss. She describes the physiological nature of trauma and explains how the nervous system stores trauma and pain. She dissects how unresolved trauma manifests in behavior. Nancy also draws from the wisdom of Viktor Frankl and underscores the human power to adapt, change, and step into uncomfortable spaces.

“Healing only comes when we recognize our power to step into that uncomfortable vortex. We are capable of change until the day we die.” - Nancy Perlson

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Nancy’s experience as a trauma hider and how she woke up to life
How Nancy opened up to the healing process after losing her father to suicide
How a support system of family and friends helped Nancy process loss and trauma
Living in a dark place and how long it took for Nancy to come out of it
The importance of allowing yourself to be honest, ugly, and messy
The negative connotation of surrender in our culture
What happens when trauma and grief are left unresolved
The neurophysiology of trauma and how trauma is stored in the body
How unnoticed and unresolved trauma and grief can manifest as behaviors
Creating healthy boundaries around yourself
The complexities of bereavement, grief, and trauma
Our ability to change and adapt to our environment
How Nancy incorporates yoga and somatic work into her practice
The importance of recognizing the somatic responses of trauma

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Connect with Nancy Perlson:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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What a Transformed Life Sounds Like with Joe Ryan

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Feb 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Joe Ryan is the creator and host of It's Not You; It’s Your Trauma, a podcast that tackles trauma, PTSD, abuse, anxiety, and recovery. During his lifelong path of overcoming trauma and shame, Joe has committed to paving the road for others. As a coach, Joe helps people heal and conquer their traumatic pasts through his one-on-one services. In addition to hosting his show and working as a trauma coach, Joe serves as the Director of Operations at HELIX, a premier WordPress hosting service for creatives.

Joe joins us today to discuss the work he did to transform his life. He describes the guilt, and self-betrayal one can feel after working to change their life. He explains why the more we cut off the dark parts of ourselves, the more they come back and bite us. He also discusses how cultivating patience and tolerance within has impacted his coaching practice and highlights why we must stop hiding behind shame and abuse.

“Learning to accept the shame that you feel eases the self-hate; once it eases, there’s space for self-compassion and understanding.” - Joe Ryan

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Wearing new clothes and living more comfortably with an empowered life
The power of integration and accepting the darker parts of yourself
How practicing self-compassion can open a space for surrender, peace, and love
Finding a good therapist and what it took to transform Dark Joe into Joyful/Abundant Joe
How transforming his life impacts Joe’s coaching practice and clients
Coaches and therapists who are not aware of their triggering tendencies
Why we need to stop hiding behind shame and abuse
How to become authentic when you’ve been shamed, abused, or traumatized

Related Content:

The Courage to Connect with Our Feelings with Joe Ryan

Connect with Joe Ryan:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

Thanks for tuning into this week’s Trauma Hiders Club ‘The Podcast’ episode with Karen Goldfinger Baker. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review wherever you get your podcasts.

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A Letter to My Inner Childhood Warrior

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Feb 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Earlier this year, I did inner child work with my extraordinary, hilarious, and generous coach, Nate Postlethwait. It was deep, dark, and confronting as much as it was uplifting, light, and joyful. And, at the end of our journey to meet the child within me, I wrote a letter to my younger self--that younger me, that fierce, 10-year-old warrior who took charge and fought.

In this episode, I share the letter I wrote to my inner childhood warrior.

“We are here in full view together, so strong, so loving, so loved. Show me what needs to be healed, even if there aren’t any words and only tears. You are here, I am here. You’re okay, I’m okay, and it’s okay.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My inner child works with Nate Postlethwait
A letter to my younger self

Resources Mentioned:

Nate Postlethwait Website

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Remembering Hope with Catherine Hammond

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Feb 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Catherine Hammond is a transformational coach and author. Her book, hope(less): The Truth about Hope and Where to Find It, serves as a memoir, manifesto, manual, and guidebook for people going through the ups and downs of life. An award-winning estate planning attorney, Catherine founded the full-service estate planning firm Hammond Law Group PC in 2005 to serve the needs of her community. She received her Bachelor of Arts degree in French and Psychology from Coe College and her Juris Doctor degree from the Sturm College of Law at the University of Denver.

Catherine joins me today to discuss how we can remember and reconnect with hope—no matter our circumstances. She describes her early struggles with hope and how she started thinking differently about it. She outlines the learned lies and uncultivated truths surrounding hope. Catherine also reveals how hope can create a world of deeper connection and love and underscores how we all have an internal wellspring of hope that never runs out.

“Hopelessness is a mind trick—there is no tube of hope that we squeeze and run out of. It is an ever-present, ever-flowing wellspring that you just tap in, and there’s always more.” - Catherine Hammond

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What Catherine learned about hope from Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning
The prevailing narrative of hopelessness in society
The infinite, internal nature of hope
How unresolved trauma can block our access to truth, sense of self, and hope
Hopefulness versus being disassociated and compartmentalized by trauma
The “Make it Happen” girl and my prior relationship with hope
Why hopelessness is made-up and connecting with hope while in great pain
The seven lies we believe about hope and the uncultivated truths about hope
Mortality and hope
What we miss out on in a world built upon hopelessness
How can hope allow us to see beauty in all parts of life
Deeper connection and deeper love
Creating your personal hope toolkit

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Connect with Catherine Hammond:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Too Much

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 26 Jan 2023 05:00:00 -0400

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been told as a child how you take up too much space. You’ve been told—backhandedly or directly—that you are simply too much. And you somehow believed them. You thought you needed to be less—less loud, spacious, emotional, demanding, expressive, smart, hilarious, and beautiful—and did just that.

But it’s time to give the temper-downers a hard and hearty F.U.

In this episode, I explore how many of us get told we are “too much.” I describe the different ways the adults in our childhoods told us to be “less” than we were. I also invite you to reclaim your sense of belonging and offer a game plan for being who you are.

“Join me in giving a hard and hardy ‘fuck you’ to the temper-downers. Instead of shrinking to fit in, let’s reclaim our belonging by being who we truly are.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being told—and believing—you’re too much as a child
Acknowledging your obedient inner child
Accommodating yourself as a wounded adult
Freeing and being your truest self

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Entering the Dojo with Tony Bonnici Part 2

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Tony Bonnici is the founder of Zen Men and Dojo Integrated Leadership. He is the author of The Dojo: The Ancient Wisdom of Integrative Leadership for the Modern Entrepreneur, which teaches readers how to be integrated leaders in their relationships, health, and spirituality. Through decades of experience in business, Tony has blended ancient wisdom, Zen, and entrepreneurship to generate millions in revenue. He has taught his method to clients and invites them from around the world to The Dojo, where he helps them develop their businesses and create fulfilling lives.

Tony joins me today to discuss his book, The Dojo, and what it means to be an integrated entrepreneur. He explains how his experiences being raised in a Buddhist temple and being in business for over 30 years make The Dojo stand out from other personal development books. He describes how co-creating The Dojo with his mom gave them healing and deepened their connection. Tony also discusses why being an entrepreneur is an “inside” game and highlights why slowing down is necessary to be an integrated entrepreneur.

“Entrepreneurs: the business you’re in is not your identity and is not who you are as a human being. There’s a world out there that will enhance what it means to be an entrepreneur.” - Tony Bonnici

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What has changed for Tony ever since the launch of The Dojo
Experiencing and overcoming brokenness to achieve success
Being labeled ‘broken’ because of dyslexia
Life stories Tony shares in The Dojo and the feedback he receives from readers
The healing work Tony did for past trauma while writing The Dojo
How publishing The Dojo has impacted Tony’s work as a coach
What being an “integrated entrepreneur” means
What slowing down for driven people feels like
What makes The Dojo different from other self-help and personal development books
The most essential people in Tony’s life and why being an entrepreneur is an “inside” game

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Spare by Prince Harry the Duke of Sussex

Connect with Tony Bonnici:

Tony Bonnici Website
Book: The Dojo: The Ancient Wisdom of Integrative Leadership for the Modern Entrepreneur
Tony Bonnici on LinkedIn
Email: tbonnici@me.com

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Fresh, New, Glittering Eyes

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 05:00:00 -0400

As much as we want to begin the new year with a bright, shiny, clean slate, the shit we carried, hid, and buried—and the symptoms that showed up because of them—may still follow us. This doesn’t mean that 2023 will be a rehash of 2022. It means that the challenges of last year don’t want to be put on hold. And that’s okay; it’s part of being human. But this year offers us new ways of dealing with our challenges and looking at the same old shit with fresh, new, glittering eyes.

In this episode, I discuss looking at past issues and traumas from a fresh perspective. I explain how resurfacing old trauma doesn’t necessarily lead to having a bad year. I also discuss how our mindset decides how we relate to our trauma and how it makes the difference between being powerful owners or powerless victims.

“Go on. Get your fresh on. See the universe that’s waiting for you—inviting you to show up in all of who you truly are. That truth looks gorgeous on you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Wrapping up 2022 with a shiny bow
What if trauma and its symptoms resurface in the new year?
The power of mindset and relating to our old issues with a fresh perspective

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Loving Large: Being Fierce When Called Upon with Patti Hall

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 05 Jan 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Patti Hall is a non-fiction writer, sought-after ghostwriter, publishing project manager, and rare disease advocate. She is a memoir-writing coach who works with heart-centered leaders, entrepreneurs, and writers dedicated to serving. In her book, Loving Large: A Mother’s Rare Disease Memoir, Patti chronicles how she navigated her life as she supported her son, who was diagnosed with gigantism. Patti is the creator of The Story House, a writing studio for group coaching. She graduated with honors from the University of Toronto - New College and holds a Master’s in Environmental Studies from York University.

Patti joins me today to discuss how early experiences prepared her for life as a mother, writer, and advocate. She shares the books that made her want to be a writer. She discusses her son’s gigantism diagnosis and how it led her to champion people who are subjected to visual stigma. Patti also highlights how she found her passion for the written word and serving others and underscores how fear and love both serve her in her life’s work.

“In advocacy, fierceness and love have to coalesce. Otherwise, you’re not functional.” - Patti Hall

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Patti’s favorite books from childhood
How to know you’re becoming or have become the person you’re working to be
Searching for home and belonging
Writing Loving Large and how support and encouragement from writing coaches helped Patti bring her story to life
How Patti learned to love so fiercely
The importance of putting your needs forward
How fear and love can exist equally
How love and fear have helped Patti navigate years of medical advocacy
Her son’s diagnosis and how it led to her medical advocacy
The Gigantism Global Registry
Truth-telling through mythology and how visual stigma impacts gigantism
Elements and the art, alchemy, and healing power of writing

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Book: Miss Information and the Upsy Downsy Circus by Mattel
Book: Welcome to Upsy Downsy Land by Mattel

Connect with Patti Hall:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Inner Child Work: Exiled Parts Fight Back

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 29 Dec 2022 05:00:00 -0400

When I think about what I’d like to create in the new year, my mind thinks about growth, challenges, and commitment. My heart, however, is liable to be confused and push back. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the person I want to be the most is the person I was as a child: the young me who was funny, glittery, sparkly, smart, curious, bold, engaging, and creative—the young Karen who found excitement in being surrounded by others but also valued the quiet. In short, the child—for reasons good and bad—I chose or was made to exile.

But now I know there’s no reason good enough to ever stop being who we are.

In this episode, I discuss how, in 2023, I am committing to bringing my inner child back from her exile. I also describe who I was as a child, why we cut off our true selves, and how I’m going to welcome my inner child back home.

“There’s no reason to ever stop being who you are—no reason to snip off your true being. It doesn’t work. Exiled parts fight back.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on Traversing Entrepreneurship:

Exile parts fight back
Remembering my younger self
How rules, life, challenges, heartbreak, and achievements chip away at who we are
My commitment to bringing back my inner child

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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From Fear to Love: Understanding the Stress Model with Bryan Post

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Bryan Post is a speaker, author, and one of America’s leading child behavior and adoption experts. He is the creator of the Stress Model, a dynamic theoretical model of human behavior. Through the Stress Model, Bryan has developed Family-Centered Regulatory Parenting and Regulatory Therapy, which have both been taught at the university level and are changing the lives of adults, parents, and families. Bryan is the founder of the Post Institute—an organization dedicated to helping parents heal wounds created by trauma—and serves as the Clinical Director for Parents in Training, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization that provides wraparound services to adoptive families throughout Northern California.

Bryan joins me today to discuss the Stress Model and why it’s important to go to the source of an individual’s trauma. He describes his early life and how stealing, like other forms of addiction, is an attempt to soothe an internal condition. He explains why mental health professionals must work through their own trauma and reveals a critical flaw in society’s mental health systems. He also dissects the relationship between love and fear and underscores how we can empower ourselves to become aware of the source of our pain.

“When we are stressed, we are not in love—we are in fear. We can’t be in a relationship and be in fear.” - Bryan Post

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The creation of internal chaos and how Bryan started stealing in the first grade
Intergenerational trauma and the trauma iceberg
Adoption trauma and why we need to look beyond the behavioral manifestations of trauma
Flipping the script and how Bryan began his work on healing trauma
The problem with society’s mental health systems
The importance of self-compassion, surrender, self-acceptance, and recognizing that we need to do deep healing work
What creates secure attachment in relationships
Bryan’s Stress Model and the relationship between love and fear
Empowering people to grow self-awareness over the root of their pain

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson and Miriam Klipper
Book: The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life by Joseph Ledoux

Connect with Bryan Post:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Inner Child Work: Presence in the Present

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 15 Dec 2022 00:00:00 -0400

Reverting to my wounded, inner child whenever I’m home for the holidays—and all the fabulousness and absolute shittiness that brings—is often a go-to for me. Old reactions get kicked up and resentments bubble up to the surface, time and time again. But I know it’s not helpful for me, or anyone else, for beating myself up for feeling or being this way. If I’m reacting from a place of my past wounds, it’s likely that my family is too. If that’s the case for you—as it almost always is for me—know that we have agency. We can choose to be the person we want to be in the present moment.

In this episode, I continue the conversation on inner child work and coming home for the holidays. I discuss how we can stay grounded and anchored in the present moment. I also share some of the ways I give myself space so I can be on the emotional high ground and choose to be the person I want to be.

“In the present time and present space, I can choose outside the past. I can choose how I show up. In the present I am whole, mature, responsible, successful, peaceful, loving, and loved.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Choosing how you show up at home for the holidays
Opening the self to more understanding and compassion for family members
How I stay grounded in the present moment

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Writing Your Way Home with Allison Crow

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 08 Dec 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Allison Crow M.Ed. is an author and the founder of Soul-Full Living, a coaching practice that helps clients work through thoughts, emotions, and behaviors using an approach based on Internal Family Systems. In addition to her work as a coach, Allison is the creator and host of the podcast, the Better Life Better Work Show, where she facilitates conversations on authentic leadership and developing better life and work habits. She holds a Master’s degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Texas at Austin and received her Internal Family Systems skills training from the IFS Institute. Her book, Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human, is scheduled for release in December 2022.

Allison joins me today to discuss her book and her relationship with writing. She describes her childhood, the environment she grew up in, and her ADHD diagnosis at 50. She explains why a life built on dopamine hits is unsustainable and elaborates on how building slow, boring habits improved her life. She also highlights how being self-centered is one of the most loving things you can do for others and underscores how writing helps us remember who we are.

“Writing helps me remember who I am. We live in a world of forgetting, and writing helps me remember—it takes my inside out instead of putting something from the outside in.” - Allison Crow

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The first books in Allison’s life that stuck with her
Allison’s relationship with writing
How the way Allison dresses reflects the environment she grew up in
How Allison paints with words in Unarmored and why it isn’t for everyone
Writing as a nurturing practice and how Allison discovered the power of words
How writing helps us remember who we are
Growing up in a volatile environment of love and verbal violence
How writing can help sort through the chaos of life
A reading from Allison’s Unarmored
Why building a life and career on dopamine hits is unsustainable
Doing low, slow, and boring work and the power of habits
Creating a loving, compassionate culture of sacred willingness and intentional doing
Pound, beat, stomp, slap, and shake and the wisdom of fire ants
Why being self-centered is leadership
Coming home to myself

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life by Thomas Moore
Book: The Last Picture Show by Larry McMurty
Book: Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
Book: Succulent Wild Woman (25th Anniversary Edition): Dancing with Your Wonder-full Self by SARK
Book: Becoming by Michelle Obama
Book: Only 10s 2.0: Confront Your To-Do List and Transform Your Life by Mark Silverman

Related Content:

Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

Connect with Allison Crow:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Your Body Knows: How Unhealed Trauma Manifests in Your Physical Health with Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr Part 2

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 01 Dec 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr is a Certified Trauma Recovery Coach and Certified Regenerating Images in Memory Facilitator. A trauma survivor herself, Jewelle created The Art of Onward, a platform where she guides clients to healing and rebuilding their lives after trauma by using the exact strategies that saved her own life. She studied at the Life Mastery Institute and is a member of the Energy Medicine Professional Association. In addition to her work as a coach, Jewelle is an award-winning actress, film, and TV producer, and writer. She is the creator and executive producer of SkyeLove Pictures, an actor and voice-over artist for Dark Horse Talent, and the author of several books, including Gratitude Journal: Guided Daily Gratitude and Meditation Prompts.

Jewelle joins me today to discuss how unhealed trauma impacts our physical health and how it manifested in her life as signs and symptoms of disease. She shares how the impact of unhealed trauma later led her to near death and how she had to strive for her own survival. She explains the fears that hinder people from seeking help and working through their trauma. She also discusses the Regenerating Images in Memory healing method and how it works and shares an example of how regenerating can give you back power.

“We can hide from our trauma for many years, but our bodies can’t. We can fake being that high-functioning trauma survivor until the body says, ‘Stop. I’m done. I’m out.’” - Jewelle Zehr

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why time does not heal all wounds
How trauma can pass down from mother to child
The things we do when we’re in a relationship with a narcissist
Complex PTSD, Grave’s disease, and how unhealed wounds showed up in Jewelle’s life and physical health
Why Jewelle is passionate about working to help other people heal
Living a dual life as a trauma survivor and why you can’t hide trauma from the body
Toxic positivity and how it can re-traumatize people
The Regenerating Images in Memory healing method
How people experience results from doing healing work in different timelines
What a Regenerating Images and Memory session looks like

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Goodbye, Hurt & Pain: 7 Simple Steps for Health, Love, and Success (Emotional Intelligence Book for a Life of Success) by Deborah Sandella, Ph.D.
Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

Related Content:

Healing from Betrayal Trauma with Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr

Connect with Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr:

The Art of Onward
The Art of Onward on Instagram
Heal & Rebuild after Trauma Facebook Group
Jewelle Zehr on LinkedIn
Jewelle Zehr on Instagram
Book: Gratitude Journal: Guided Daily Gratitude and Meditation Prompts
Email: theartofonward@gmail.com

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Inner Child Work: Going Home for the Holidays

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 24 Nov 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Going home for the holidays is a blend of “Ooh, that sounds cozy!” and “Ugh, that’s a nightmare filled with bad thermostat settings and uncomfortable furniture.” The fact that I’ve lived outside my parents’ home for more than 30 years doesn’t matter—the minute I walk back through the doors, I revert to my wounded inner child, equipped with the same endless loop of stories and resentments and ready to rumble.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do when your deeply wounded, angry inner child shows up as the house guest?

In this episode, I discuss how to manage going home with your inner child for the holidays. I describe how my siblings and I revert to our younger versions whenever we come home. I also highlight the importance of digging deeper into the past while staying grounded in the present and the gift of moving from self-judgment to self-compassion.

“You can acknowledge the old shit that lights you up like an inferno, but it’s in the present that you have the greatest ability not to act on those memories in the moment.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

How going home for the holidays makes us revert to our younger selves
The power of noticing and knowing the story behind the stories
A tale of bar mitzvahs and the importance of knowing what memories are real or made up
Digging into the past while grounded in the present
Moving from self-judgment to self-compassion

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Inner Child Work: Getting to Know the Truest You

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Nov 2022 05:00:00 -0400

We were all children once upon a time. But, as we grow up, we never really lose those sparkly, hopeful, energized, fun, and funny versions of ourselves—they are still with us today. For many members of the Trauma Hiders Club, our inner children are in pain and hiding, waiting to be held and supported. They are waiting to be known and acknowledged.

If you’re one of those people, know that it’s never too late to support your inner child.

In this episode, I offer you a practice for getting to know your inner child. I explain how our inner children, when burdened with open wounds and unprocessed trauma, can sabotage our adult experience. I also describe the deep work needed to bring our inner children into the joyful light and share a few questions to ask yourself to start getting to know your inner child.

“Get to know your inner child by reconnecting with who you were before the world of rules was thrust upon you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The inner child
Doing the work to get to know our inner children
How unprocessed trauma can make our inner children sabotage our adult life
Getting to know your inner child

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Healing from Betrayal Trauma with Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 10 Nov 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr is a certified trauma recovery coach and the creator of The Art of Onward, a platform through which she guides clients to healing and rebuilding their lives after trauma by using the exact strategies that saved her own life. As a coach and trauma survivor, Jewelle focuses on inspiring others in their journeys to true healing and wholeness. In addition to her work as a coach, Jewelle is an award-winning actress, film and TV producer, and author. She is the creator and executive producer of SkyeLove Pictures and an actor and voice-over artist for Dark Horse Talent.

Jewelle joins us today to discuss betrayal trauma and rebuilding your life after surviving it. She opens up about the betrayal trauma she experienced in the summer of 2015 and her journey through healing and recovery. She explains the two dimensions of betrayal trauma and describes what it’s like to lose yourself after experiencing trauma. Jewelle also describes self-sabotage, why people choose chaos over peace, and the kind of work she did to heal from betrayal trauma.

“We’re not just talking about what someone else did—we’re trying to deal with and trying to heal what we’ve done to ourselves.” - Jewelle Zehr

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What Jewelle’s listening to on repeat in her playlist
The Art of Onward and what happened to Jewelle in the summer of 2015
Living in denial with a narcissist and addict
The impact of betrayal and narcissist trauma
The tendency to choose the high-firing dopamine hit of discomfort over safety and peace
Self-sabotage and how perceived control calms down trauma
Losing yourself and how betrayal trauma can lead to self-betrayal
Reuniting the different parts of ourselves after experiencing betrayal trauma
Jewelle’s work as a certified trauma recovery coach
Why narcissists tap into other people’s empathy, compassion, and kindness
How trauma and hypervigilance may open us to empathy

Resources Mentioned:

Grae Moore on Spotify

Connect with Jewelle (Colwell Boldt) Zehr:

The Art of Onward
The Art of Onward on Instagram
Heal & Rebuild after Trauma Facebook Group
Jewelle Zehr on LinkedIn
Jewelle Zehr on Instagram
Email: theartofonward@gmail.com

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The Gold-Bricked Road of Truth & Freedom

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 05:00:00 -0400

My conversation last week with Tony Bonnici left me thinking deeply about what keeping your word really means, especially for trauma hiders. So many thoughts came up about what it is to break the cycle of manipulators and shadowy liars. And I discovered that the yellow brick road to freedom isn’t built with yellow bricks at all.

It’s built with gold bricks. And each brick takes you closer to the truth and, eventually, to freedom.

This week, I share my thoughts on breaking the cycle of trauma by following the gold-bricked road to truth and freedom. I explain how my conversation with Tony encouraged me to dig deeper into what it means to keep your word and how finding your path to truth is the key to breaking the cycle of trauma, manipulation, and lies. I also share how each brick of truth you discover in your own journey takes you one step closer to your destination – freedom from trauma.

“The bricks aren’t yellow. The bricks are gold. And each brick is it’s own bit of truth.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

How my conversation with Tony Bonnici helped me dig deeper into breaking cycles of lies, manipulation, and trauma
The nuances of living life as a trauma hider
How truth really does set you free

Resources Mentioned:

Emotional Flexibility and Fluidity with Tony Bonnici

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Emotional Flexibility and Fluidity with Tony Bonnici

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 27 Oct 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Tony Bonnici is an entrepreneur and the Founder of Zen Men and The Dojo Integrated Leadership. He has spent the last three decades in entrepreneurship, creating seven successful businesses based in California and Hawaii. Tony has learned to blend ancient wisdom, Zen, and entrepreneurship to generate millions in revenue and to help others succeed in all areas of their lives. In his book, The Dojo: The Ancient Wisdom of Integrative Leadership for the Modern Entrepreneur, Tony teaches his readers how they can become integrated leaders in their relationships, health, and spirituality. Tony is also the Co-leader of the ManKind Project, a global 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering men to live lives of mission and purpose.

Tony joins me today to discuss emotional flexibility and fluidity and how fathers can model them for their children. He explains what it means to be an “emotionally flexible” man and how one can stay vigilant and present in intense and stressful moments. He describes why it’s important for everyone to experience a rite of passage in their lives. He also discusses how, at 53, he’s still learning from—and stays connected with—his father and underscores the kind of legacy he wants to leave with his children.

“There are times when it’s okay to feel and times when it’s okay not to.” - Tony Bonnici

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Staying vigilant and present in intense or stressful moments
What it means to be an emotionally flexible man
Leading from vulnerability and transparency and Tony’s “rite of passage” work
What happens if people do not experience a rite of passage
Keeping your word and how Tony’s father kept his promise
How Tony’s parents taught him and his siblings through modeling
Learning and being a student at 53 and how Tony remains connected to his father
Why Tony says his mom is an undercover agent
Vulnerability and how it doesn’t make you lose power
Trusting your gut, sharing your feelings, and other lessons from Tony’s book, The Dojo

Connect with Tony Bonnici:

Tony Bonnici Website
Book: The Dojo: The Ancient Wisdom of Integrative Leadership for the Modern Entrepreneur
Tony Bonnici on LinkedIn
Tony Bonnici on Instagram
Tony Bonnici on Facebook
Email: Tony@TonyBonnici.com

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What Doesn’t Kill You

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 05:00:00 -0400

If you’re anything like me—which I’m guessing you are because you’re here on the Trauma Hiders Club—you likely have experienced one or more of the following phrases that could be harmful to people who experienced trauma:

“Time heals all wounds!”

“I’ve been there, too.”

“Everything happens for a reason,” or, perhaps the bestseller,

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”

In this episode, I discuss why these phrases, though sometimes said with good intentions, aren’t helpful and can even be harmful to people who experienced trauma. I also share what you can do when faced with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

“Trauma does NOT make you stronger—it causes dysregulation. Only if we do a lot of work do we go through on the other side. The trauma doesn’t do that, WE do. We get stronger because we do the work.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Phrases that can be harmful to survivors of trauma
Why time doesn’t heal all wounds
Facing people who are committed to misunderstanding you

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Scare Your Soul and Live with Courage with Scott Simon

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 13 Oct 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Scott Simon is a happiness entrepreneur and the Founder of the Scare Your Soul movement. A sought-after speaker, Scott co-founded Thrive, a “happiness incubator” for which he delivered a TEDx Talk in 2013 before he launched Scare Your Soul in 2016. He is a meditation leader and high-performance life coach who focuses on creating flourishing lives after major changes. Scott received his Bachelor of Arts degree from Skidmore College and completed his Master of Arts degree at Case Western Reserve University. He also holds certificates in Positive Psychology and Coaching from the Wholebeing Institute. His book, Scare Your Soul: 7 Powerful Principles to Harness Fear and Lead Your Most Courageous Life, will be launched on December 06, 2022.

Scott joins me today to discuss what it means to scare your soul and how we can harness our fears to live freely and courageously. He outlines his process for identifying fear and dealing with it in an intentional, thoughtful way and explains why we create comfort bubbles. He describes how he was silenced as a child and how he took back his power and freedom in his adult life by scaring his soul. He also reminds us of the importance of acknowledging the struggles we experienced as children—even if we came from loving and affirming families—and highlights what it takes to become the embodiment of truth, love, and humanity.

“Life is short and we have one shot at it. Don’t we want to live it as fully and courageously and adventurously as we possibly can?” - Scott Simon

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

How nervousness, excitement, and healthy anxiety differ
The fear of putting your authentic self into the world
Freedom and giving the people we love our truth
Why we create comfort bubbles
The Scare Your Soul movement and how Scott took back his power over trauma
Climbing the LADDER of fear and the difference between real and toxic fears
The community built around the Scare Your Soul movement
Writing on the next blank page of your life
Who will benefit the most from reading Scare Your Soul
Why Scott insisted on narrating the audiobook version of Scare Your Soul

Connect with Scott Simon:

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Unearthing Your Limiting Beliefs

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Limiting decisions or beliefs are called such because they’re not really something we’re born with— they’re something we decide or believe in, sometimes consciously and sometimes not. But, however they come to us, they must be unearthed, named, and worked through. After all, these limiting decisions or beliefs, especially when left unchecked, run our lives and prevent us from becoming who we wish to become, doing what we wish to do, and having what we wish to have.

In this episode, I discuss limiting beliefs and decisions and explain where and how you can start unearthing them. I describe how limiting beliefs and decisions impact our lives and prevent us from being where we want to be. I also outline some examples of obvious and subtle limiting beliefs and underscore “important” limiting beliefs and decisions that we need to focus our work on.

“We all have made a zillion limiting decisions; many don’t matter. The limiting beliefs or decisions that should concern us are the ones that prevent us from getting our goals and desires.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

How limiting beliefs and decisions impact our lives
Subtle and obvious examples of limiting beliefs
The kinds of limiting beliefs we should focus on improving
How to unearth your limiting beliefs and decisions

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High-functioning Trauma Hiders and Their ‘Superpowers’ with Toku McCree

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Toku McCree is an executive coach. Formerly a monk, Toku lived in a Zen monastery where he vowed to liberate all beings from suffering. Today, as an executive coach, Toku has built a business to do just that. He founded Unexecutive.com—a platform that works to create enlightened leaders to solve the world’s most pressing problems—and has worked with many brilliant minds, from Zen Habits’ Leo Babauta to the marketing leaders of Pepsi and Nestle. But, to me, Toku is more than just an executive coach—he is love, accessibility, energy, calm, acceptance, and peace.

Toku joins me today to discuss how trauma shows up in leadership and describes the dark side of trauma response as a superpower. He explains how our childhood experiences shape who we are. He describes his life at a Zen monastery and how his time there informs his work with his executive coaching clients. Toku also outlines how trauma and its resulting “superpowers” get in the way of leadership and underscores the importance of creating an environment where trust can flourish.

“High-functioning trauma hiders develop superpowers through their trauma and, as a result, think that they should just use that capacity for everything, even when it’s not absolutely necessary.” - Toku McCree

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Hiding suffering and Toku’s life in a Zen monastery
Perception versus communication and how hidden suffering tends to show up in the margins
High-functioning trauma hiders and how they overuse their superpowers
Recruiting the “wormy squirmies” into our lives and how being comfortable in crisis makes us want to stir up trouble
What carrying the weight of trauma as a leader looks like
Isolation and hypervigilance in relationships as a result of trauma
The dark side of perception as a superpower resulting from trauma
How “superpowers” from trauma can get in the way of leadership
The relationship between trauma and trust and how mistrust costs founders
Creating an environment where people can become trustworthy
Our other “superpowers,” mysticism and accepting the world as a mysterious place
Toku’s journey into his life at a Zen monastery

Connect with Toku McCree:

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Self Sabotage

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 22 Sep 2022 00:12:00 -0400

Despite its name, self-sabotage isn’t out to sabotage us at all—it exists to help keep us safe from potential danger or harm. It’s a protective mechanism created by our psyches to keep us safe, and what’s safe for our psyche is often what’s familiar. So, when we try to change our lives, our psyche triggers the alarm bells inside us, reverting us to our status quo and labeling it as self-sabotage. But if we view self-sabotage with gentleness and compassion, we may be able to turn it from foe to ally.

In this episode, I explore self-sabotage and how it acts as a protective mechanism. I discuss compassionate curiosity, what it is, how it can help us work through our tendency to self-sabotage, and how we can develop it. I also outline the different ways our inner saboteur can manifest and explain how we can turn our fears from enemies to allies.

“When we stop viewing it as ‘sabotage’ and start viewing it as parts of the brain trying to keep us safe, we can develop compassionate curiosity to notice what’s going on and what we’re afraid of.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What our inner saboteur is trying to protect us from
Impostor syndrome, ambivalence, fear of success, and other manifestations of self-sabotage
The power of compassionate curiosity

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The Magic that Deepened My Relationship

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 15 Sep 2022 05:00:00 -0400

It’s confession time in the Trauma Hiders Club. One of the thoughts that held me back from healing my unprocessed trauma was the fear that I might end up divorced. I was scared that I might fall apart—shattered and broken—because all my trauma would fly around like the dementors in the Harry Potter books, sucking away all my happiness to leave me a soulless, unloving, and unlovable shell. Who would want to stay in a relationship with such a person?

You know what I never thought? That sharing what felt right to be shared would deepen our relationship and invite us to connect with a mutual language, greater resonance, and more intimacy.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I discuss how sharing with my husband, David, how I wanted to work through my trauma impacted our relationship. I also break down how I committed to moving step by step toward healing.

“I never thought that wrestling my inner dementors would open me up to greater connection, and that the magic in that would result in a more intimate, honest, and loving relationship.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What held me back from working through trauma
How I opened up with my partner about trauma, his reaction, and how it affected our relationship
How I prioritized our relationship while working through the healing process

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Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 08 Sep 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Allison Crow is a life and self-leadership coach for authentic, ambitious women. She has been teaching and coaching since the mid-90s and started coaching full-time in 2007 with Keller Williams Realty, where she established and carried out mentorship and coaching programs for new and existing agents. Today, Allison helps her clients work with thoughts, emotions, and behaviors through her coaching business, Soul-Full Living. In addition to her work as a coach, Allison also hosts the podcast, The Better Life Better Work Show, where she facilitates conversations on authentic leadership, self-leadership, and developing better life and work habits.

Allison joins me today to discuss the Internal Family Systems Model and how it can help people heal. She shares what she learned from Thich Nhat Hanh about transforming difficult emotions and how she uses the Internal Family Systems Model to take it further. She explains how the coaching world can sometimes be damaging and highlights the importance of softness and compassion in the industry. Allison also discusses why there is no such thing as a ‘negative’ emotion and underscores the role of trust in authenticity.

“To be your true self, you have to trust yourself; to trust yourself, you have to meet parts of yourself that the world, media, and culture consider ‘negative’ emotions.” - Allison Crow

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The fear of letting go of our zone of excellence
What the Internal Family Systems Model is and how Richard Schwartz developed it
What Allison learned from Thich Nhat Hanh about relating to anger
How an internal family system is different from a person’s family of origin
Making a place for softness and compassion in the world of coaching
What it means to be authentic
The role of trust in authenticity
The potential of the Internal Family Systems Model in unburdening and healing
What the Internal Family Systems Model has done for Allison’s life
Why anger is not unholy
Why the coaching industry can sometimes be harmful and the reason being a “butt-kicking coach” steals autonomy
Why nothing is “pathologized” in IFS
How the soft, sweet parts of us can learn to stand up

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions by Thich Nhat Hanh
Stripping Down to Your Authentic Self | Allison Crow on Rich Litvin’s 4PC

Connect with Allison Crow:

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Emotional Armor

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 01 Sep 2022 05:00:00 -0400

If you’ve been listening to the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast for a while, you’ve likely heard the term “emotional armor” on several episodes with multiple guests. As adults, we’ve learned to keep our guards up—to protect ourselves from criticism and judgment. So we don full metal armor to cover our tender selves—sometimes without even thinking about it. I know this first hand because I’ve worn the armor for the vast majority of my life.

In this episode, I discuss emotional armor—why we wear it and what it takes to shed it off. I describe the importance of play and why adults find playing difficult. I also explain how wearing emotional armor prevents us from authentically connecting with others and underscore the value of reconnecting with our inner child.

“Imagine what your life would look like if you were able to take your armor off piece by piece—you, being the most you, not because you have to, but because you want to. Hell, yes.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The full emotional armor we carry around in our adult lives
What causes us to collect emotional armor as we grow up
Why it’s difficult for adults to embrace play
The importance of connecting with the inner child

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Joy-Full at the Intersection of Entrepreneurship and Authenticity with Dr. Erin Baker

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 25 Aug 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Dr. Erin Baker is a Doctor of Social Psychology, recovering big tech employee, trauma-informed coach, and occasional podcaster. Before becoming a self-leadership and business coach, Erin previously led the User Experience Research team at Facebook and was part of bringing Facebook Stories to 2 billion people. They were also the Director of User Experience Research & Design at Microsoft Yammer. An internal family systems practitioner and elite certified neuro-transformational coach, Erin completed their Ph.D. in Psychology at The University of Texas at Austin and graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from the University of Michigan.

Their book, Joy-Full AF: The Essential Business Strategy We’re Afraid to Put First will be available on September 7, 2022.

Erin joins me today to discuss what it means to be Joy-full AF—in business and life. They describe what embracing joy looks like and explain why it is an essential part of career success. They highlight the difference between working through discomfort and the nervous system being unsafe. They also discuss why trauma is relevant to business, coaching, and everything in life, and underscore how we can all open up to joy.

“There’s no universal definition of what it means to be joyful—it’s a full body experience only you can experience for yourself. The fun thing is discovering what joy means to you.” - Dr. Erin Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

“Victoria’s Secret,” “Paint It Black,” and the role of music in Erin’s life
What Erin learned from writing their upcoming book, Joy-full AF
Academic trauma and toxic positivity
Erin’s pivot from Facebook to become a trauma-informed coach
Their experience working at Facebook and how they became aware of the power of joy
What it means to be joy-full and how to open up to it
Our cultural associations with—and the fear of—chasing joy
Leading with love and Erin’s 90-day live on Facebook
What prevented Erin from seeing that joy was something they could embrace in their professional life
Why fear and love are dance partners
The relationship between joy and trauma-informed coaching

Resources Mentioned:

Song: Ciara - Paint It, Black
Song: Jax - Victoria’s Secret

Connect with Dr. Erin Baker:

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Parental Protection

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 18 Aug 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I’ve been wrestling with the concept of parental protection lately. You see, when I look back at how I was protected as a child, it appears to me like a confusing spirograph of control, fear, and demands. I wonder if “protection” is something that I imagined or actually experienced.

Now, as a parent, I reflect on my role as a protector and realize that I’m a mixture of my parents—and the inner warrior I had to be for myself.

In this episode, I discuss parental protection and how I experienced it as a child. I describe my longtime fantasy of protection. I also describe being encompassed in the protection of love and how I’m learning to accept it.

“The loving protection of my children is rooted in truth and possibility. My boys were raised in the scary beauty that the world is a terrifying, magnificent place, and we live our lives.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Wrestling with parental protection
What my longtime fantasy of protection looks like
Being a protector as a parent and how I’m protecting my kids

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Listening, Being, Doing, Creating with Toby Goodman

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 11 Aug 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Toby Goodman is an author, coach, a sick-ass drummer who has traveled the world playing for a Rolling Stone, a Bee Gee, a Spice Girl, and TV talent show winners (and losers). In addition to his work as CEO of Podcast Network Solutions, Toby is the host of the Podcast Business Coach podcast and the creator of The Profitable Pod Method, a course that helps professionals use podcasting to scale their businesses.

To me, Toby is a rockstar human—a courageous and kind force who played a pivotal role in bringing the Trauma Hiders Club podcast to life.

In this episode, Toby and I discuss our creative process for developing and launching the Trauma Hiders Club podcast. We explore the value of creating a safe space where creative visions can manifest. We explain why bringing my authentic self into the podcast meant that it wouldn’t be for everyone. We also describe our experience going to an Elton John concert together and underscore the beauty of podcasting.

“The beauty of a podcast is you don’t have to control when people hear your message—but it’s there for people to hear.” - Toby Goodman.

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Conceptualizing the Trauma Hiders Club podcast and the first time I met Toby
Toby’s creative process for producing a podcast
Creating a space for creative vision and my experience working with Toby
Why podcasts need to have a dedicated website
Bringing my authentic self to my website and podcast
How the podcast interviews and conversations have changed me over time
John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme and the beauty of podcasting

Connect with Toby Goodman:

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Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Trauma Club, and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

The Shadow of the Personal Development World

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 04 Aug 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I’ve been working on my personal development for the vast majority of my life. I’ve also invested significantly in training, certification programs, and my own coaches. Over the last seven years or so, the deeper I have worked on myself, the deeper the work I offer my clients has become. While working on personal development has created some fundamental changes in my life and the lives of my clients, I’ve noticed that our relationship with personal development can sometimes be at odds with what the industry demands.

In this episode, I discuss how the personal development world works and why its content might sometimes be harmful. I share the dangers of letting go of self-compassion and requiring immediate deep work from every insight we get. I also highlight that you’re adequate and deserving today while you practice the kind of person you want to be.

“You get to practice being the human you want to be every day. You might fuck it up today, and you might fuck it up tomorrow, and you might fuck it up the next day, but you get to practice again.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My life and relationship with personal development
The personal development industry’s formula, how they sell, and the shadow of exploitation
Practicing and holding on to self-compassion

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Truth, Discovery, and Family Lore with Jaimes McNeal

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 28 Jul 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Jaimes McNeal is a researcher, executive coach, and speaker. He is the President and Owner of JDM Coaching 360, a personal, professional, and organizational development company. Jaimes is a Ph.D. candidate for Business Psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, where he also completed his Master of Arts in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. In addition to his work as an executive coach, Jaimes serves as a qualitative researcher at Brandtrust and adjunct instructor at Chowan University.

Jaimes joins me today to discuss love, connection, and reconciling family lore and the stories we make up. He describes how his perception of his father changed after meeting him. He explains how he met and befriended the jazz singer, Nancy Wilson, and how he discovered that much of the magic in his life stems from his dad. Jaimes also reveals his superpowers and underscores how he’s learning to stay grounded in the present.

“‘Lore’ is an important word. Human beings’ lives are based on the stories we are told, the stories that we tell, the stories that we make up.” - Jaimes McNeal

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The goals of the Trauma Hiders Club podcast
Jaimes’s trip to see his aunts and father
Reconciling the family lore we hear and the stories we make
The importance of family lore
Questioning truth and why hypervigilance may be an extreme form of intuition
How Jaimes’s perception of his father changed after his visit
Becoming friends with jazz singer, Nancy Wilson
The magical things happening in Jaimes’s life
Jaimes’s superpowers and what it takes for him to be present

Related Content:

Connect with Jaimes McNeal:

JDM Coaching 360
Jaimes McNeal on LinkedIn
Email: jaime@jdmcoaching360.com

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Sisterhood and Belonging

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 21 Jul 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I went to a women’s retreat recently. This is huge, considering I avoid women’s retreats: them being specifically for women triggers several parts of me. But by going to this camp cultivation experience— masterfully created and facilitated by my friend and fellow coach, Allison Crow—in Dripping Springs, Texas, I learned so much about my avoidance and how I relate with women.

In this episode, I share what I learned from attending a women’s retreat. I describe the first few years I went to overnight camp and how fear of rejection fuels my avoidance of women’s retreats.

I also explain how I was able to relate with the other women in the camp and highlight the importance of women helping other women.

“I don’t know when I’ll be at the next women’s retreat, but I do know this: I have not been rejected. I am worthy of belonging and I belong.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Going to a women’s retreat in hot-as-fuck Dripping Springs, Texas
The first time I went to an overnight camp
How fear of rejection colored my view on women’s retreats
How childhood sexual abuse impacted the way I relate to men and women
The worst sister in the sisterhood of women

Related Content:

Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

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What a Transformed Life Sounds Like with Joe Ryan

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 14 Jul 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Joe joins us today to discuss the work he did to transform his life. He describes the guilt and self-betrayal one can feel after working to change their life. He explains why the more we cut off the dark parts of ourselves, the more they come back and bite us. He also discusses how cultivating patience and tolerance within has impacted his coaching practice and highlights why we need to stop hiding behind shame and abuse.

“Learning to accept the shame that you feel eases the self-hate; once it eases, there’s space for self-compassion and understanding.” - Joe Ryan

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Wearing new clothes and living more comfortably with an empowered life
The power of integration and accepting the darker parts of yourself
How practicing self-compassion can open a space for surrender, peace, and love
Finding a good therapist and what it took to transform Dark Joe into Joyful/Abundant Joe
How transforming his life impacts Joe’s coaching practice and clients
Coaches and therapists who are not aware of their triggering tendencies
Why we need to stop hiding behind shame and abuse
How to become authentic when you’ve been shamed, abused, or traumatized

Related Content:

The Courage to Connect with Our Feelings with Joe Ryan

Connect with Joe Ryan:

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Fear and Freedom

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 07 Jul 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Around a year ago, before the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast launched, I felt like I was in between two worlds. The first world was one of fear; the other world was freedom. The in-between was a clammy, sweaty, dry-mouthed, going-through-the-motion, emotionally-disconnected space—basically, my system’s happy place. I thought, at that time, that one world was an inside game and the other an external affair. But a year and several intense and meaningful conversations with podcast guests later, I’ve learned so much about fear, freedom, and the world between them.

In this episode, I take a retrospective look at my year of hosting the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast. I describe the chaos-loving internal system I built for myself and discuss the worlds of fear and freedom. I also explain why freedom is an external—as much as it is an internal—game.

“Freedom is an inside and outside game. My way of being free is an invitation to you, the listener, to consider where you are trapped and where you are free.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What I learned from my first year with the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast
My internal, chaos-loving happy place
What my world of fear is scared of
Why freedom is both an internal and external matter

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Meeting the Adult Child with Andrea Ashley

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 05:00:00 -0400

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

A Tale of Two Brains and the Broken Picker Syndrome
How Andrea realized her childhood upbringing impacted her previous relationships
Severe separation anxiety and alcoholism as a symptom of family dysfunction and trauma
What happens to abandonment issues when they’re not healed
How working with a therapist helped Andrea confront complex trauma
What Andrea was like before she worked with a therapist and how she’s changed
Recreating the chaos of our childhood
How therapy led Andrea to search for her life purpose
The road to launching the Adult Child Podcast
The ACA’s Laundry List
Embracing our past and our childhood

Resources Mentioned:

Dump Your Shit
Book: Adult Children of Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families by ACA WSO
Book: The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss by Susan Anderson

Connect with Andrea Ashley:

Related Episodes:

The Courage to Connect with Our Feelings with Joe Ryan

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Bon Voyage, Me!

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 23 Jun 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I’ve heard it said that the only trip that you regret is the one that you don’t take. Now, if you’re anything like me, powerful quotes like that get balled up, pushed through the pumper of emotions, and come out on the other side shaped like a big colorful mess of “Oh fuck. There you are, regret.” And in the age of the global pandemic and collective trauma, it takes a lot to choose between regret and 15 days of adventure and travel in Europe.

I choose unapologetic disruption.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I discuss regret, travels, and opening up to astonishment. I also share a big announcement about the podcast.

“Traveling is exciting, curious, courageous, vulnerable, out of control, and exposed. I am present to fragility and overwhelm, and play and astonishment. All of it is welcome.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Adventures, travel, regret, and possibility
An announcement regarding the Trauma Hiders Club podcast
Practicing unapologetic disruption

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Bringing Fierce and Gentle Compassion Into the Writing Process with Heather Doyle Fraser

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Heather Doyle Fraser is a publisher and author, as well as the Founder of the Compassionate Mind Collaborative and its parent company, Beyond Challenge, LLC. As a coach and consultant, Heather utilizes compassionate mind skills and strategies to help clients share their voice, whether they are in the boardroom, navigating a career change, launching a business, or developing a book. She is the author of several books, including 40 Weeks, as well as the co-author of Freedom.

Heather joins me today to discuss compassion, truth, joy, writing, and books. She shares her struggles with the writing process and her inner critic. She describes the fierceness and gentleness of compassion and explains why a writer needs to bring them into the process of creating a story. She also highlights why books mean so much to people and offers advice on bringing your voice into your writing.

“Compassion is the ability and the willingness to see the pain and suffering in yourself and others—and is the motivation and courage to alleviate, lessen, or prevent that suffering.” - Heather Doyle Fraser

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Heather’s struggles with the writing process and her inner critic
The fierceness and gentleness of compassion
What it means to bring compassion into writing
The fear and doubt we encounter when we try to write and how to disengage from them
How your voice can make your story unique
How Heather works with her clients through the writing process
Why it’s important to bring your values into your writing
Why books mean so much to people and the first series of books Heather loved
My self-imposed book ban and the books that Heather has re-read several times
Overcoming self-doubt in writing and the relationship between reading and writing

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Narrow Podcasting: Make Profitable Connections and Grow Your Business, Without Paid Ads, Sponsors, or Thousands of Listeners by Toby Goodman
Book: Blueberry Pie Elf by Jane Thayer
Book: The Little House by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Book: The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream by Paulo Coelho
Book: The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide to the Journey to Your True Calling by Stephen Cope
Book: All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness
Book: The Lightning Thief: Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan
Book: Another America by Barbara Kingsolver
Book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver
Book: Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Book: Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love by Cheryl Shepherd
Book: House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune

Related Content:

Podcast: Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

Connect with Heather Doyle Fraser:

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Healing Emotional Disconnection

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Jun 2022 04:00:00 -0400

I recently had a revelation that one of my biggest fears in life is being misunderstood. As a teeny tiny child—the youngest of three born in three years—I was often told to stop being such a baby. I was called an actress—specifically Sarah Bernhardt—because apparently, I was the drama.

What I didn’t know then that I know now is that my parents regularly shutting me down was the fertilizer that helped me grow a thriving, flourishing system of emotional disconnection.

In this episode, I discuss emotional disconnection and my fear of being misunderstood. I describe how I was regularly shut down as a child and how I came to dislike Sarah Bernhardt, whoever she is. I explain the roots and impact of emotional disconnection and underscore how you can reconnect with the parts of you that were consistently pushed down when you were young.

“Start by noticing how you relate to your emotions. Connect to the you that’s real as opposed to the you that you’ve cultivated as the world piled its shit at you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My fear of being misunderstood
The impact and dangers of emotional disconnection
How I came to dislike the actress, Sarah Bernhardt
How our worldview informs how we choose our partners
Reconnecting with the parts of you that were pushed away

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Leadership Trauma and Founder Anxiety with Will Rezin

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Will Rezin is a somatic coach and trainer and trauma integration specialist who guides individuals on the journey of waking up to their aliveness. He is the Co-founder of Trauma and Somatics, a program that trains trauma-informed coaches and facilitators. As a coach, Will has served a wide range of clients, from Fortune 500 brand developers, app developers, and Emmy award-winning producers to TED speakers, actors, and NASA engineers.

Will joins me today to discuss leadership trauma, founder anxiety, and how past experiences get triggered by present or future fears. He explains how stress impacts the body and prevents individuals from accessing the creative parts of their brains. He also highlights the detrimental parts of capitalist cultures, describes the role of founders and CEOs as visionaries, and reveals what it takes to be at peace with one’s success.

“Trauma is not something to be ashamed of. It’s something we all experience, a by-product of the way humans have been taught to behave across thousands of years.” - Will Rezin

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The notion of leadership trauma
The anxiety that executives and entrepreneurs feel
How our culture encourages us to get things right the first time
The brain’s creative centers and how they allow business leaders to be confident visionaries
Becoming the laziest founder or CEO there is
The sickness of capitalist cultures
Equating being busy with working hard
Being at peace with success and enjoying life
The stress load on the body and how it impacts health
Removing shame from trauma
Will’s mission to end trauma for humanity

Related Content:

The Magic of Being Alive & Finding Support with Will Rezin

Connect with Will Rezin:

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Choosing Feeling over Thinking

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 26 May 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Imagine you’re in a conversation, and you’re asked how you feel about your success. Do you reply with “I think I can do more”? How about when you’re asked how you feel about your relationship with your father? Do you say, “I think he’s an honorable man”? Do you notice the pattern here? Each time you’re asked about how you feel, you respond by sharing what you think.

In this episode, I discuss why we are inclined to share what we think when we are asked about what we feel. I also describe the possibilities that could open for us if we let ourselves sit with our emotions and express ourselves starting with the words “I feel.”

“We say ‘think’ when we mean ‘feel’ because we don’t know how to feel our feelings. But imagine what we might discover if we expressed ourselves starting with ‘I feel.’” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Defaulting to the “I think” pattern
Opening ourselves to our emotions
Practicing with “I feel…” sentences

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Leadership Trauma and the Value of Grieving with Yijen Liu

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 19 May 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Yijen Liu is an entrepreneur of the human potential movement and investor in Observant, a tech & AI start-up. She is an experienced product leader whose career includes serving as the Vice President of Product at Mezi.com, the Director of Product Management for Rdio, and the Head of Mobile Product at Amazon. She also served as a senior financial analyst at Microsoft. As an entrepreneur, Yijen founded Moment Coaching, through which she worked with organizations to develop leadership, teamwork, and communication until October 2021. She is also the Founder of the e-learning app Human and led its development until the company’s closing in January 2022. Yijen graduated from the Wharton School, where she completed her Bachelor’s degree in Finance and Management.

Yijen joins me today to share her journey as a start-up founder. She outlines the events that led her to close her company and describe why founders tend to face business challenges alone. She explains how people tend to avoid life’s difficulties and discussions of failure. She also discusses her experience with impostor syndrome and the fear of failure and highlights the value of grieving.

“Grieving quickly is grieving thoroughly; the fastest way to process it is to be honest.” - Yijen Liu

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Hiding trauma by forgetting
Leadership trauma and Yijen’s experience closing her start-up
The three bullet points that led Yijen to close her company
Why business leaders and entrepreneurs tend to face difficulties alone
The relationship between shame and trauma
How Yijen experienced fear of failure as a leader
Showing up as a human, being a human, and doing human things
The importance of grieving for a lost vision

Connect with Yijen Liu:

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Celebrating the Love that You Are

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 12 May 2022 05:00:00 -0400

The past few years have inspired so much reflection on who I am as a mother—a mother with doubt, shame, and hypervigilance on the one hand, and the most tenderhearted love for two little boys who are now two brilliant men on the other. Mother’s Day can be difficult for survivors of childhood trauma. While other holidays are recognized for being difficult for many people, Mother’s Day brings up a silent struggle for so many—including us, the beautiful members of the Trauma Hiders Club.

In this episode, I discuss how the last few years have inspired so much reflection on my life as a mother. I explain how Mother’s Day can be difficult for so many. I also highlight the Trauma Hiders Club as a place of safety and invite you to celebrate love.

“Celebrate the love you have in your heart. Celebrate who you are. Celebrate the love that you are—today and always.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My reflections on motherhood
The silent struggle of Mother’s Day
How Mother’s Day can be difficult for childhood trauma survivors
Celebrating love today and always

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Listening to Your Inner Stirrings with Jaimes McNeal

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 05 May 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Jaimes McNeal is the President and Owner of JDM Coaching 360, a personal, professional, and organizational development company. Jaimes also serves as a qualitative researcher at Brandtrust and an adjunct instructor at Chowan University. He completed his Master of Arts degree in Industrial and Organizational Psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, where he is also currently a Ph.D. candidate for Business Psychology. As an executive coach and speaker, Jaimes’s strength lies in his ability to identify beliefs and behaviors that inhibit desired outcomes.

Jaimes joins us today to share his quest to understand himself, his parents, and his family. He discusses his recent commitment to listen to his inner “stirrings” and explains what career anchors are. He describes his childhood upbringing and explains how animated films have taken steps to portray parts of life that they don’t usually discuss. Jaimes also outlines what love bombing is and discusses an opportunity for him to reconnect with his family from which he was estranged.

“I’ve learned to listen to those inner stirrings. And when I hear those stirrings—even when I don’t understand them—I just respond to them. More often than not, I am rewarded.” - Jaimes McNeal

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Listening to inner stirrings and preparing for an awakening
Expressions of insight, the journey of curiosity, and what career anchors are
How animated films have taken incredible strides
Jaimes’s life growing up and what it was like to be a child out of wedlock
Love bombing and Jaimes’s journey of reconnecting with his family
The other half of the orange and Jaimes’s idyllic family as a child
Jerrod Carmichael and coming to terms with identity, sexuality, and family

Related Content:

Uncovering Founder’s Syndrome with Jaimes McNeal

Connect with Jaimes McNeal:

JDM Coaching 360
Jaimes McNeal on LinkedIn
Email: jaime@jdmcoaching360.com

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Rite of Passage, Puberty, and Turning Red

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I recently watched Pixar’s latest bit of brilliance, Turning Red—a film about Meillin, a Chinese-Canadian girl who, due to a magical family blessing turned curse, discovers on her 13th birthday that she has the power to morph into a huge, red panda when she’s super-charged with emotions. But, my dear Trauma Hiders Club member, Turning Red is so much more than that.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I discuss Turning Red and how it touches upon intergenerational trauma, the mother-daughter bond, relationships formed outside of the family, parental pressures, and puberty. I share a childhood experience I was reminded of after watching Turning Red. I also discuss rites of passage and giving your inner child some love.

“Turning red has so much for today’s kids. If you want to give your inner child some safe, kind, generous, and meaningful love, grab a pad, hug a panda, create a ritual, and give it a chance.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Rites of passage around menstruation and my own growth journey
How Turning Red discusses intergenerational trauma and puberty
Why Turning Red is an important film for today’s children—and your inner child

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Rediscovering Our Humanity with Bay LeBlanc Quiney

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 21 Apr 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Bay LeBlanc Quiney is an executive leadership coach, consultant, and the President of Wonderland & Co. She received her training as a professional ontological and facilitative coach through Accomplishment Coaching, and completed her undergraduate degree in Anthropology & Professional Writing from the University of Victoria, where she also completed her Master of Business Administration degree. As an executive coach, Bay helps visionary leaders and ambitious professionals create power by identifying their greatness and building momentum in their lives.

Bay joins me today to share an anthropological perspective on modern humans and their relationship with emotions. She explains why humans are the “least of humans.” She discusses the impact of humanity’s disconnect from its primal, animalistic nature. She also underscores the importance of learning how to have feelings and highlights why the world is becoming more open to conversations about trauma, loss, and grief.

“We are, as a species, on a tipping point of the next big revolution: an intellectual, emotional one, where we move into more awareness.” - Bay LeBlanc Quiney

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why it’s challenging to have conversations about having children
The ugly parts of putting in the work
Being at the tipping point of the next big revolution
Waking up to conversations about loss, grief, and difficult emotions
Why we are the least human of humans and what separates humankind from other animals
How to remind yourself of your humanity
The importance of knowing sickness, death, and dying
Growing up in a dysfunctional household and what it took for Bay to open up to her humanity and receive support from other people
How Bay’s childhood trauma showed up in her late 20s
Dissociation and survival mechanisms of trauma
The importance of discussing our shared human experience

Connect with Bay LeBlanc Quiney:

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Self-Compassion: An Antidote to Shame

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 14 Apr 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Shame is perhaps one of the most destructive emotions. It doesn’t only lead to anger, fear, perfectionism, and depression; it also invites self-loathing, self-harm, and self-sabotage. It is the reason there’s a Trauma Hiders Club—in fear of being found out, made fun of, and ultimately exiled, shame makes us hide and disconnect.

I recently dug deep into the literature on shame as it relates to the individual and the collective to search for an antidote. In my search, I found many different and conflicting theories, some of which I agree with, and most of which I disagree with. Part of that group of proponents I disagree with is—you might want to sit down for this—Brené Brown.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I discuss why I disagree with Brené Brown and her prescription for curing shame. I share a summer memory from my childhood and describe what shame does to a person. I outline different proposed antidotes to shame, such as pride, humility, and self-esteem, and explain why they may not be effective. I also underscore the power of compassion and highlight why self-compassion is the answer to healing shame.

“Compassion has a powerful companion called self-compassion, and self-compassion is the power of being kind to yourself when experiencing suffering—it’s the antidote to shame.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

A summer memory from my childhood
The birth and impact of shame
Pride and other proposed approaches to healing shame
Pushing back on Brené Brown
What it means to be compassionate
How self-compassion can help heal our pain and shame

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Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of Tra

uma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

Trauma, Sexual Abuse, and Committed Relationships with Vicki and Tom Dau

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 07 Apr 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Vicki and Tom Dau are the owners of Team Dau Wellness. Vicki is an author, mixed media artist, and Certified Clinical EFT Practitioner and Master Coach, while Tom is a home repair contractor. As Team Dau, Vicki, and Tom work with couples in navigating trauma and strengthening their marriages. They are also volunteers for Reclaim 13, an organization that raises awareness and offers recovery from sexual abuse and trafficking.

Vicki and Tom join us today to discuss navigating trauma while in a committed relationship. They discuss bullying, its impact on self-esteem, and the guilt of toxic behavior in previous relationships. They describe their work with couples and share how men can help support their wives as they heal from trauma. They also highlight the role of communication in relationships, discuss what it means to lay the groundwork for impactful conversations, and explain why working together through trauma can be a beautiful thing.

“What can happen to a marriage depends on a couple’s commitment and beliefs. They can divorce and be miserable, or journey together, arm in arm, pulling each other up.” - Vicki Dau

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast

The impact of bullying on self-esteem and adult life
The guilt of toxic behavior in past relationships
My advice for connecting with people like you
The fear of working with trauma while in a relationship
What inspired Vicki and Tom to work with other couples in healing trauma caused by sexual abuse
Becoming a stronger couple by bringing responsibility to both parties
How Vicki brings her training as a coach and EFT practitioner into their work with couples
Hypervigilance from childhood sexual abuse and building trust between counselor and client
How can men support their wives through healing trauma
Laying the groundwork for communication in relationships
How unaddressed trauma can impact marriages

Connect with Vicki and Tom Dau:

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Be sure to share your favorite episodes on social media to help me reach more high achievers, like you.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn and visit my website to discover the rules of

Trauma Club and grab your free download: Discover 5 Ways Your Fuckery Is Getting In The Way of The Next Level of Your Success.

The Journey So Far

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 31 Mar 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Welcome to the 51st episode of the Trauma Hiders Club—a milestone episode I never thought would happen. The truth is that this podcast is the most publicly confronting thing I have ever done. Prior to launch, I had the fear that making it public would turn me into a ball, raw as an exposed nerve ending. But that didn’t happen; in fact, I went from nervous interviewer to flowing podcaster, inspired by my brilliant guests and the world around me, and encouraged by you, dear listeners.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I describe the podcasting journey so far. I reveal the reasons I launched this podcast and how the community has helped ease my relationship with receiving feedback.

“Thank you for being part of this journey—and the journey forward—in the Trauma Hiders Club.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why this is a milestone episode of the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast
The reason I launched this podcast
My dysfunctional relationship with feedback
Going from nervous interviewer to flowing podcaster

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Slowing Down and Facing Your Overwhelm with Mark Silverman

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 24 Mar 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Mark J. Silverman is an executive coach as well as the bestselling author of Only 10s 2.0: Confront Your To-Do List and Transform Your Life. He is a speaker and the host of Mastering Overwhelm, a podcast that helps listeners thrive in their businesses, relationships, and personal well-being. Mark graduated from National Louis University with a bachelor’s degree in Business and Applied Science and holds a certification from the Foundation for Holistic Life Coaching in Holistic Health & Transformational Coaching.

Mark joins me today to discuss overwhelm and where it comes from. He describes what can happen when we don’t let emotions flow and explains what the “allostatic load” is. He talks about why we should list all the sabertooth in our lives. Mark also shares his experiences with overwhelm and underscores how an internal transformation helped him grow his coaching practice into a thriving business.

“If you don’t allow emotions to flow, they get stuck somewhere else. Slow down enough and let them catch up to you.” - Mark J. Silverman

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Negative self-talk and my experience with overwhelm
Mark’s experiences with overwhelm and how our greatest fear can become strength
What led Mark to talk and write about boundaries and overwhelm
What happens when we spend life in overwhelm
Fear-driven discourse and the meaning of allostatic load
Steve Chandler on overwhelm and the value of welcoming emotions
The difference between coping skills and coping mechanisms
Listing down all the sabertooth of our lives and actions steps in mastering overwhelm
How fear has kept humanity alive
What the Enneagram test is
Mark’s coaching practice and how it has evolved into a successful business over the years
The importance of internal shifts

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Relax Into Wealth: How to Get More by Doing Less by Alan Cohen

Related Content:

Podcast: Owning Your Brokenness & Embracing Freedom with Mark J. Silverman

Connect with Mark Silverman:

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Hyper-independence and Learning to Trust

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 05:00:00 -0400

“If you want something done, do it yourself,” goes a quote attributed to many people—from Bonaparte to Zorg from the movie, The Fifth Element. Many people who subscribe to this belief think it is necessary to become successful in life; but when your default nature is to push through and do the thing—all the things—rather than receive support from others, that’s hyper-independence. And hyper-independence is a trauma response.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I explain what hyper-independence is and why it’s a trauma response. I discuss how we bring our self-reliance to extremes as a result of trust issues. I discuss what it takes to trust. I also underscore your worthiness to receive love and support simply because you exist.

“You are worthy of receiving, simply because you exist.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why hyper-independence is a trauma response
Defense mechanisms and tactics of survival
How we learn to be hyper-independent
What it takes to trust and trust again

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Uncovering Founders' Syndrome with Jaimes McNeal

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 10 Mar 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Jaimes McNeal is the President and Owner of JDM Coaching 360, a personal, professional, and organizational development company. Jaimes’ strength lies in his ability to identify beliefs and behaviors that inhibit desired outcomes. In addition to his work as an executive coach and keynote speaker, Jaimes serves as an adjunct instructor at Chowan University and qualitative researcher at Brandtrust. He completed his Master of Arts degree in Industrial and Organizational Psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, where he is also currently a Ph.D. candidate for Business Psychology.

Jaimes joins me today to discuss what Founder’s Syndrome is. He shares his experience working with a nonprofit organization and explains what it means to suffer from Founder’s Syndrome. He describes Founder’s Syndrome’s similarities with trauma and its impact on organizations. He also discusses the western world’s tendency to celebrate charismatic leaders and underscores why leadership and ego are antithetical to each other.

“Where Founder’s Syndrome and trauma intersect has to do with getting rooted in the founder’s desire and attachment to the organization, having an unhealthy attachment to the status and trauma.” - Jaimes McNeal

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Creating Kill Bill workshops and how violent movies can be an opportunity to look at honor, love, and nobility
Jaimes’ recent experience working in a nonprofit and what it means to suffer from Founder’s Syndrome
A reading from a fairy tale about an ordinary girl named Janet
Why ego and service are antithetical to each other
The Pied Piper and how the western world puts a premium on charismatic leaders
Where Founder's Syndrome and trauma intersect
Founder’s Syndrome’s similarities to unchecked trauma
What happens when Founder’s Syndrome remains unchecked
The trickle-down effect of Founder’s Syndrome on organizations
The social consequences of founders behaving badly
A measurement of “okay-ness” and the “have-do-be” cycle
The unwritten rules of the world and the choice to shift perspectives

Connect with Jaimes McNeal:

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We Don’t Talk about... the Otherness of Trauma

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 03 Mar 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Unless you’ve been living off the grid, you know that we don’t talk about Bruno. For anyone out of the loop, Bruno Madrigal is a character from the Disney animation film, Encanto. He’s the family member who’s shunned and in hiding due to his differences. If he sounds like a member of the Trauma Hiders Club, it’s no coincidence. After all, we often talk about not fitting in and, at the deeper level, not having a sense of belonging. But in my fantasy, it’s Mirabel Madrigal who represents all the members of the Trauma Hiders Club.

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I explain why the Trauma Hiders Club is a collective of Mirabels. I discuss the loneliness that surrounds trauma and describe the feeling of trying to measure up to standards set by the people who overshadow us. I also reveal what our gifts are and underscore why we are more than our miracles.

“See how bright we burn. See how brave we’ve been. See ourselves in turn. We are the real gift—we let love in.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why Encanto may have been inspired by the Trauma Hiders Club
Mirabel Madrigal and why she represents the Trauma Hiders Club in my mind
The otherness and loneliness of trauma
Finding the real gift within us

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From Fitting In to Belonging with Dr. Mandy Lehto

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 24 Feb 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Dr. Mandy Lehto is an executive coach and corporate trainer. Over the past 13 years, Mandy has dedicated herself to supporting high achievers who are ready to redefine success. She is a writer who has written for—and been featured in—publications such as The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, and CNBC, among many others. She previously worked as the Director of the international investment bank Dresdner Kleinwort and a corporate image and personal branding consultant for CMB Image before shifting her focus to championing people. She received her Master’s degree from the University of Guelph and completed her Ph.D. at the University of Cambridge.

Mandy joins us today to discuss what it means to be enough. She describes what it was like to grow up as the “good girl.” She underscores the difference between “fitting in” and “belonging” and explains how seeking approval from others has impacted her well-being. Mandy also highlights how learning— breakdown by breakdown—to let go of external validation opens us up to who we really are.

“‘Belonging’ is where I can bring my unique sense of self and all my humanity that were not permitted to ‘fit in.’” - Dr. Mandy Lehto

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being the “good girl” and seeking enoughness through “The Good Girl Code”
What encouraged Mandy’s need to seek out external validation
How her relationship with enoughness has evolved through the years
Eating dirt and the “push-away” approach to enoughness
The deep work involved in accepting and loving oneself
What having a scarcity mentality was like for Mandy and the side effects of trying to fit in
The difference between “fitting in” and “belonging”
The power of humor and self-compassion in healing
The value of being ordinary
Accepting our mortality and creating belonging in every room we’re in

Connect with Dr. Mandy Lehto:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Forgiveness is an Inside Job (and a Detonator Button)

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Forgiveness is like a detonator button in the Trauma Hiders Club. While forgiveness is definitely a hot-button topic for me and for so many of my clients, I’ve been thinking about how we’re conditioned to forgive and forget, or to believe in the old adage that to err is human and to forgive is divine. But to me, forgiveness is an inside job—one that involves reuniting the parts of ourselves that splintered away in response to trauma.

In this episode, I discuss the healing power of reconnecting, forgiving, and loving all the parts of ourselves. I share my definition of forgiveness and describe a Jungian view of trauma. I also discuss how trauma can lead us to cut away parts of ourselves and highlight the role of reconnection in the process of forgiving.

“The inside job of connecting our disowned parts promotes healing, where the self is empowered and the offender loses hold and melts away like the Wicked Witch.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What forgiveness means to me
A Jungian view of trauma
The reconciliation of the splintered self as part of forgiveness

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Becoming the Cycle Breaker with Wanessa Badger

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 10 Feb 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Wanessa Badger is the creator of the Cycle Breakers Club, a platform that helps others break free from shame, resentment, and pain while stopping the perpetuation of trauma. Surviving childhood traumas and pediatric kidney disease led Wanessa to a journey through neuroscience, psychology, and energetics. She has a degree in Child Development and Family Studies, as well as certifications in life coaching, NLP, EMI, and various forms of energy healing.

Wanessa joins me today to discuss standing for love and breaking the cycles of generational trauma. She discusses how trauma survivors might keep it a secret and describes how telling the truth gives freedom. She also explains what it means to be a “cycle breaker” and underscores the role of re-learning true love in breaking the cycle of trauma.

“A cycle breaker is an individual who puts an end to perpetuating generational trauma. They are the change the world needs.” - Wanessa Badger

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why do we keep secrets from our families, and how do we sacrifice our well-being in doing so
How telling the truth about our trauma emancipates us
Wanessa’s mindset transformation and how she realized she was only pretending to be happy
Why and how anger can be a helpful emotion
Walking each other home and becoming a “cycle breaker”
How trauma can manifest in our relationships and family dynamics
The latent impact of unaddressed adverse childhood experiences
The value of relearning true love and what we need to become a cycle breaker
The role of meditation in Wanessa’s life

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Prosperous Coach: Increase Income and Impact for You and Your Clients by Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin

Connect with Wanessa Badger:

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Words of Love

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 05:00:00 -0400

I have recently been thinking about the words that we hear and don’t hear as children and the relationship those words have with our adulthood. You see, between my mother’s Lewy body dementia and my father’s fading short-term memory, I’m often struck by the realization that the gates of opportunity to have loving conversations with them are closing.

So, I went to Facebook and Instagram and asked my network: what do you want to hear but never heard as kids?

In this episode, I share the words of love I wanted to hear and the words others wish they heard when they were growing up.

“The gates to have loving conversation with my family have never been wide open, yet I know that if I want to hear words of love, they are here for me to speak.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My mother’s Lewy body dementia and my father’s fading memory
The words of love people wish they heard growing up

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Rewriting Unwritten Rules with David Taylor-Klaus

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 05:00:00 -0400

David Taylor-Klaus is an executive coach and speaker, as well as the author of Mindset Mondays with DTK. He is the Founder of DTK Coaching, a company that works with teams, individuals, and groups to help them unearth and unleash their leadership mastery. David is a successful serial entrepreneur who served as the CEO of Digital Positions, an internet strategy and web development firm he co-founded in 1995 and sold in 2009. Today, as an executive coach, David is dedicated to guiding professionals to take an active, intentional, and dynamic role in their work and personal lives.

David joins me today to discuss unwritten rules and how they impact society, culture, and personal lives. He explains how conforming to unwritten rules takes so much more time, energy, effort, and attention than going after the change we want in our lives. He describes the cultural stain we have around the word “easy” and society’s tendency to overcomplicate things. David also underscores how we can dig deep into unwritten rules and rewrite them with attention and intention.

“We act in the fear that not belonging means death, so we conform ourselves—that’s the unwritten rule of all unwritten rules and the lie of all lies.” - David Taylor-Klaus

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The unwritten rules in my family, generation, and culture
The categories of unwritten rules in our lives
Why you shouldn’t say “We already knew!” to a child who comes out to you
Unwritten rules at the societal and cultural level
Digging deep into the unwritten rules under unwritten rules
Why our brains make it difficult for us to be accurate with our memories
Tracing the voice of unwritten rules inside us
The joy of hiring “lazy” programmers and why there’s a cultural stain around the word “easy”
How the pandemic has created blank spaces where we can co-create culture, relationships, and work
The four currencies that matter

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz

Connect with David Taylor-Klaus:

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On the Upside of Healing

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 20 Jan 2022 05:00:00 -0400

“Am I kidding myself, or am I on the upside of healing?” This thought comes in and out of my consciousness a lot.

I convince myself that I’ve spent countless hours doing the work, crying buckets of tears, pushing away bodily feelings, and naming emotions—I’ve done this so many times that I’ve created, and deferred to, an internal operating system that invites me to look for signs that let me know that I am, in fact, on the upside of healing from trauma.\

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I share a list of evidence I’ve noticed over time that tells me I’m on the “healing” side—if there is such a side to the work. I describe how I look at my personal power differently now and reveal what the Trauma Hiders Club means to me.

“If you don’t have proof of the shifts you’re making, slow down, notice, then slow down again, and notice some more.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My list of evidence that I’m healing from trauma
Learning to experience my feelings
Seeing my power differently
My mission to normalize conversations about trauma

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Healing and Intuition through Breathwork with Amy Hogan

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 13 Jan 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Amy Hogan is a career transition coach. As a coach, retreat leader, and breathwork facilitator, Amy is dedicated to supporting others in making the changes necessary to live a life of their own choosing. She served as the Climate Change and Sustainability Coordinator for the Regional Municipality of Durham before pursuing her career as a coach. In addition to guiding her clients through her own platform, Amy Hogan Life Coaching, she also works as the Global Project Manager for Desa Global Leadership.

Amy joins us today to discuss what breathwork is and walk us through a few breathwork exercises. She shares her journey of becoming a coach after a career with the government. She outlines how breathwork can impact the mind, body, and emotions. Amy also explains how breathwork can help people connect during the pandemic and underscores how we can address our body’s needs through breathwork.

“Breathwork is an intentional and conscious practice that’s been used across time and cultures for healing, relaxation, and grounding.” - Amy Hogan

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The impulse to be more than human
What inspired Amy to switch careers from her government job to the world of personal growth and development
How helping others through coaching helped Amy
What breathwork is and how it’s different from meditation
The different kinds of breathwork methods
The impact of breathwork on the mind, body, and emotions
“Drop into your body!” and the resistance we feel when doing breathwork for the first time
What’s driving the surge of interest in breathwork
A guided breathwork exercise
Meeting your body’s needs through breathwork

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Ultimate Coach by Amy Hardison and Alan Thompson

Connect with Amy Hogan:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Becoming: A New Year’s Resolution

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 06 Jan 2022 05:00:00 -0400

Through nearly two years of the pandemic, we’re all hoping for an uprising in health and a decrease in the spread. With 2022 just around the corner, we’re all definitely feeling a collective hope for the future. Speaking of stops and starts, January’s the season of New Year’s resolutions—and abandoning them after three weeks of fervor. But instead of making a list of things we’re going to do—lose weight, eat better, save more, spend less—why don’t we utilize 2022 to envision who we want to be, how we’re going to get there, and recommit to that vision every single day?

In this episode, I discuss the process of “becoming” and differentiate it from the process of “doing.” I also explain why we fail our New Year’s resolutions and underscore the importance of taking everything one day at a time.

“Becoming is a process and not an event. So slow down each day; do some self-checking; notice who you are; and choose from that place. Choose to be in the new year, all year long, one day at a time.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why we fail our New Year’s resolutions
Choosing the process of “becoming” over the process of “doing”
Our collective hope for healing

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Relearning How to Love with Giovanna Capozza

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 30 Dec 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Giovanna Capozza is a coach, writer, functional medicine practitioner, and the Founder of Love Well Coaching, a platform through which she works with individuals seeking to understand and heal their unhealthy relationship patterns. With more than a decade of leadership and coaching experience, Giovanna guides her clients in developing a rock-solid relationship with themselves and removing the blocks that hinder them from the love that they deserve. Her debut memoir, Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman, is available for pre-order and scheduled for release on Valentine's Day, 2022.

Giovanna joins me today to discuss being in a relationship while living with unintegrated trauma. She describes how her parents’ relationship impacted the way she sought out relationships in her adult life. She explains why it’s important to be compassionate to our inner child. She also reveals how it’s possible to have a healthy relationship while healing trauma.

“The ways we inadvertently learn to love may not always be right, but it doesn’t mean we’re broken. It just means we have some things we need to unlearn.” - Giovanna Capozza

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being in a romantic relationship while living a life of unhealed trauma
How working on integrating trauma changed my relationships
The three general ways we have relationships while living with trauma
Why you don’t need to be “fully cooked” in self-love to get into a healthy relationship
The impact of micro traumas on our nervous systems
Pain under the guise of love and how childhood trauma can affect the relationships we choose as adults

Resources Mentioned:

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix

Related Content:

The Physical Effects of Trauma with Giovanna Capozza

Connect with Giovanna Capozza:

Love Well Relationship Coaching
Book: Love Well: Confessions of a Lovesick Woman
Email: info@giovannacapozza.com
Giovanna Capozza on LinkedIn
Giovanna Capozza on Instagram
Giovanna Capozza on Facebook
Giovanna Capozza on YouTube

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Emotions, Gut Feelings, and a Smilodon on the Horizon

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 23 Dec 2021 05:00:00 -0400

I so often hear the terms “emotionally triggered” and “gut feeling” used interchangeably. But, while they’re both associated with powerful internal experiences, there is a stark difference between the two. How can you tell them apart?

Imagine you’re an early human. One day, while out hunting or gathering resources, you spot a saber-toothed tiger on the horizon, walking down your path. You feel fear. Are you experiencing an emotional trigger or a gut feeling? Why does the distinction matter?

In this episode of the Trauma Hiders Club, I draw wisdom from the superstar wizard of understanding and integrating trauma, Dr. Gabor Maté, to parse out the distinction between gut feelings and being emotionally triggered.

“How glorious that as humans we get to experience it all, including emotional triggers and gut feelings. After all, emotions make us human; without them, we are beasts.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Gabor Maté on emotional triggers and gut feelings
What it means to be emotionally triggered
The roots of emotional triggers
Gut feelings and their relationship with your environment

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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From Fitting In to Belonging with Dr. Mandy Lehto

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Dec 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Dr. Mandy Lehto is an executive coach and corporate trainer. Over the past 13 years, Mandy has dedicated herself to supporting high achievers who are ready to redefine success. She is a writer who has written for—and been featured in—publications such as The Sunday Times, Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, and CNBC, among many others. She previously worked as the Director of the international investment bank, Dresdner Kleinwort, and a corporate image and personal branding consultant for CMB Image before shifting her focus to championing people. She received her Master’s degree from the University of Guelph and completed her Ph.D. at the University of Cambridge.

Mandy joins us today to discuss what it means to be enough. She describes what it was like to grow up as the “good girl.” She underscores the difference between “fitting in” and “belonging” and explains how seeking approval from others has impacted her wellbeing. Mandy also highlights how learning— breakdown by breakdown—to let go of external validation opens us up to who we really are.

"Belonging’ is where I can bring my unique sense of self and all my humanity that were not permitted to ‘fit in'." Dr. Mandy Lehto

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being the “good girl” and seeking enoughness through “The Good Girl Code”
What encouraged Mandy’s need to seek out external validation
How her relationship with enoughness has evolved through the years
Eating dirt and the “push-away” approach to enoughness
The deep work involved in accepting and loving oneself
What having a scarcity mentality was like for Mandy and the side effects of trying to fit in
The difference between “fitting in” and “belonging”
The power of humor and self-compassion in healing
The value of being ordinary
Accepting our mortality and creating belonging in every room we’re in

Connect with Dr. Mandy Lehto:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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The Magic that Deepened My Relationship

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Dec 2021 05:00:00 -0400

You know what I never thought? That sharing what felt right to be shared would deepen our relationship and invite us to connect with a mutual language, greater resonance, and more intimacy.

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What held me back from working through trauma
How I opened up with my partner about trauma, his reaction, and how it affected our relationship
How I prioritized our relationship while working through the healing process

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Navigating the Vortex of Trauma, Loss, and Grief with Nancy Perlson

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Dec 2021 05:00:00 -0400

“Healing only comes when we recognize our power to step into that uncomfortable vortex. We are capable of change until the day we die.” - Nancy Perlson

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Nancy’s experience as a trauma hider and how she woke up to life
How Nancy opened up to the healing process after losing her father to suicide
How a support system of family and friends helped Nancy process loss and trauma
Living in a dark place and how long it took for Nancy to come out of it
The importance of allowing yourself to be honest, ugly, and messy
The negative connotation of surrender in our culture
What happens when trauma and grief are left unresolved
The neurophysiology of trauma and how trauma is stored in the body
How unnoticed and unresolved trauma and grief can manifest as behaviors
Creating healthy boundaries around yourself
The complexities of bereavement, grief, and trauma
Our ability to change and adapt to our environment
How Nancy incorporates yoga and somatic work into her practice
The importance of recognizing the somatic responses of trauma

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Connect with Nancy Perlson:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Trauma Hiders Thanksgiving

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 25 Nov 2021 05:00:00 -0400

The green bean casserole is, undoubtedly, the Thanksgiving fan favorite. But I think of it the way I think about practicing gratitude: I don’t like it, I don’t want it, and I’m going to move it all around my plate until I get the chance to surreptitiously feed it to the dog.

If you’re someone who, like me, feels ashamed for not counting your blessings enough, gratitude can be a hard green bean to swallow. But give yourself some grace, compassion, and the opportunity to feel what’s real for you—that may just be the most generous and beautiful way you can experience healing and gratitude this year.

In this episode, I share my difficulties with practicing gratitude as someone who has experienced—and continues to experience—the effects of trauma. I also describe how, by working with trauma-informed practitioners, I’ve slowly opened up to the light of gratitude.

“You, me, and all of us can heal from our pain. For that, I am thankful.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My reluctance to “count my blessings”
The loudest voices beating the gratitude drum
A beautiful Thanksgiving gift you can give yourself this year

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Acknowledging and Releasing Emotions through EFT Tapping with Becca Pronchick

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Becca Pronchick is a photographer, coach, certified Ananda Yoga and Meditation Teacher, and Master Practitioner of Emotional Freedom Techniques. Since 2002, Becca has blended her training in yoga and meditation, coaching, and EFT to create safe and sacred spaces where people can find healing and creativity. She is the Chief Relaxation Officer and Founder of Permission to Relax, through which she works with individuals, couples, and groups to find alignment and ease in body, mind, and spirit.

Becca joins me today to provide an abundance of joy and healing by walking us through an EFT tapping exercise. She discusses the history of EFT and how it works on the body, memory, and experience. She explains how she combines it with awareness practices and coaching. She also shares how she was introduced to the EFT practice and where people can find EFT practitioners and resources.

“The biggest benefit of EFT tapping is allowing us to acknowledge how we feel. Then we relax, release, and let the energy move.” - Becca Pronchick

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The beauty of embracing impostor syndrome
What EFT is and how it works in the body, memory, and experience
EFT’s basis in acupuncture and how it calms down stress responses
Uses, applications, and healing benefits of EFT tapping
How Becca combines EFT tapping, meditative practices, and coaching
A walkthrough of Becca’s “Basic Recipe” EFT tapping exercise
The stages of an EFT tapping exercise
Where to find EFT practitioners and resources

Related Content:

Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

Resources Mentioned:

Tapping Summit

Connect with Becca Pronchick:

Permission to Relax
Book: Tap Into Your Healing Power
Book: No Matter the Question, Meditation is the Answer.
Becca Pronchick on LinkedIn
Becca Pronchick on YouTube
Email: pronchick.becca@gmail.com

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You Might Be a Trauma Hider If...

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 11 Nov 2021 05:00:00 -0400

I’ve referred to myself as a trauma hider several times in this podcast, and my guests have shared how they hide their wounds from the world. So, it’s understandable if, at this point, you find yourself wondering: Am I a trauma hider? How do I know if I am one? Well, I’m not an expert on you, but I’m certainly an expert on me. By looking at myself, I know some of the best ways a world-class trauma hider hides their trauma.

In this episode, I reveal the tell-tale signs of a world-class trauma hider and share the different unhealthy ways people hide their trauma and manage their emotions.

“You are worthy of a life where you can thrive, not just survive.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

People pleasing, fawning, and disconnecting
The trauma hider’s relationship with food
Rejecting help and mistrusting attention from others
What you should do if you find out you’re a trauma hider

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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The Courage to Connect with Our Feelings with Joe Ryan

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 04 Nov 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Joe Ryan is a trauma coach. During his lifelong path of overcoming trauma and shame, Joe has turned his journey into a mission to pave the road for others. Through his one-on-one coaching services, Joe helps people heal and conquer their own traumatic pasts. His podcast, It’s Not You; It’s Your Trauma, tackles trauma, PTSD, abuse, anxiety, and recovery. In addition to his work as a trauma coach, Joe is the Director of Operations of HELIX, a premier WordPress hosting service for creatives.

Joe joins me today to describe healing through self-compassion and courage. He explains how learning to sit with his feelings helped him heal and cultivate his identity from within. He also discusses what made him confront his childhood trauma and abandonment issues, describes how working with a therapist has helped him with his journey, and underscores the value of human connection.

“We all pretend that we’re okay, then suffer alone inside. Our healing is through connection to self and other human beings.” - Joe Ryan

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What an “abandonment issue” is
What a “source figure” is and how they can be a source of abandonment issues
How Joe’s abandonment issues impacted his adult relationships
His journey through building self-worth by cutting off certain people
What it took for Joe to open up and work through his abandonment issues
How Joe taught himself to feel difficult emotions
How working with a therapist helped Joe work through his trauma response
Sleeping with one eye open and experiencing hypervigilance at night
EMDR therapy and how it has helped me with sleep
The slowness of transformation and evolution
Joe’s coaching work and the power of human connection

Connect with Joe Ryan:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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The Adele-Flavored Layercake of Emotion

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 28 Oct 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Some songs really just come out of nowhere and melt you into a puddle of tears on the floor. Yes, I’m talking about Adele’s new song, “Go Easy on Me,” which caught me folding the laundry when it started playing and had me curled up—stunned on my couch—when it got to the chorus.

I’m not sure if everyone who listened to the song had the same responses—frozen in place, mouth open, and one hand on heart—but I have the assertion that for us, people of the Trauma Hiders Club, music is a powerful emotional catalyst.

And Adele’s newest album, 30, should probably come with a box of tissues.

In this episode, I discuss Adele’s new song, “Go Easy on Me,” the cathartic power of music and allowing ourselves to feel powerful emotions evoked by feelings.

“Once I emerged from the couch, I noticed warm love wash over me, and allowed myself to feel my feelings with dignity, safety, and belonging. For me—and perhaps for you—that’s the foundation for everything.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Adele’s “Go Easy on Me” and music as a powerful emotional catalyst
Experiencing the power of music in your body and heart

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Finding Power and Freedom in Boundaries with Kendra Cunov

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 21 Oct 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Kendra Cunov is the founder of The Collective, a global web of women devoted to embodied awareness. Throughout her career as a Relational Coach, Kendra has worked with thousands of men, women, and couples in improving embodiment, deep intimacy, communication, and full self-expression. She has worked for and consulted with organizations and leaders who know the role of truth, connection, and integrity in success. In addition to The Collective, Kendra has co-founded The Embodied Relationship Training Salon with John Wineland and has pioneered some of the most cutting-edge relation work on the planet.

Kendra joins me today to discuss why boundaries are key to a life of freedom. She defines what a “boundary” is and explains why they protect the good things in life. She discusses how to maintain your boundaries without being aggressive. She describes why we might want to give someone the benefit of the doubt when they violate our boundaries. She also highlights what makes containers sacred and underscores how parents can model emotional intelligence for their children.

“My boundary doesn’t require another person’s agreement. It is a place that is ultimately mine to keep.” - Kendra Cunov

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What a boundary is and what it means to set one
Boundary trespassing and how it shows up in intimate relationships or interactions with strangers
Distinguishing between trauma and trauma response
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they violate your boundary
How to maintain your boundaries without being aggressive or sharp
Kendra’s “No Man Diet” program and how it teaches participants to learn about their boundaries
How people can solidify and strengthen their boundaries
A periodic table of emotions and practicing feeling your feelings

Connect with Kendra Cunov:

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A Letter to My Inner Childhood Warrior

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 14 Oct 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Earlier this year, I did some inner child work with my extraordinary, hilarious, and generous coach, Nate Postlethwait. It was deep, dark, and confronting as much as it was uplifting, light, and joyful. And, at the end of our journey to meet the child within me, I wrote a letter to my younger self--that younger me, that fierce, 10-year-old warrior who took charge and fought.

In this episode, I share with you the letter I wrote to my inner childhood warrior.

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

My inner child work with Nate Postlethwait
A letter to my younger self

Resources Mentioned:

Nate Postlethwait Website

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Embracing Negative Emotions with Allison Crow

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 07 Oct 2021 05:00:00 -0400

“To be your true self, you have to trust yourself; to trust yourself, you have to meet parts of yourself that the world, media, and culture consider ‘negative’ emotions.” - Allison Crow

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The fear of letting go of our zone of excellence
What the Internal Family Systems Model is and how Richard Schwartz developed it
What Allison learned from Thich Nhat Hanh about relating to anger
How an internal family system is different from a person’s family of origin
Making a place for softness and compassion in the world of coaching
What it means to be authentic
The role of trust in authenticity
The potential of the Internal Family Systems Model in unburdening and healing
What the Internal Family Systems Model has done for Allison’s life
Why anger is not unholy
Why the coaching industry can sometimes be harmful and the reason being a “butt-kicking coach” steals autonomy
Why nothing is “pathologized” in IFS
How the soft, sweet parts of us can learn to stand up

Resources Mentioned:

Book: Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions by Thich Nhat Hanh
Stripping Down to Your Authentic Self | Allison Crow on Rich Litvin’s 4PC

Connect with Allison Crow:

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The Myth of the Resilient Trauma Survivor

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 05:00:00 -0400

We often hear that resilience can make us stronger. The philosopher, Lucius Annaeus Seneca, once said that “difficulty strengthens the mind as labor does the body.” Nietzsche (and Kelly Clarkson) riffed on “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” In their book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, Adam Grant and Sheryl Samberg argue that we can think of resilience as a muscle that can be built up. In that sense, it seems that the best way to develop resilience is to go through hardship. However, in the same way that too much muscle mass can put a strain on the heart, I think one can have too much resilience for their own sake.

Today, I discuss the idea of the “resilient trauma survivor.” I explain why I think people can have too much resilience. I share how I “do” resilience through overconfidence and unbound optimism. I also highlight the dark side of too much resilience in leadership, organizations, and, by extension, team effectiveness.

“There’s no doubt resilience is a useful and highly adaptive trait; however, when taken too far, resilience creates resistance.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Notes on resilience from the ancient world to modern times
The “resilient trauma survivor” and why too much resilience can be a hindrance
My version of expressing over-the-top resilience
The dark side of the resilient superhero

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Harnessing Trauma for Healing with Rabbi Steven Lowenstein

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 23 Sep 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein is the Senior Rabbi of the Am Shalom Congregation in Glencoe, IL, and was ordained in 1995 by the Hebrew Union College Jewish Institute of Religion. He is also the author of the books, For the Love of Being Jewish: An A-to-Z Primer for Bubbies, Mensches, Meshugas, Tzaddiks, and Yentas! and For the Love of Israel: The Holy Land from Past to Present. A dear friend, Rabbi Steven is a chosen family member and someone I hold close to my heart.

Rabbi Steven joins me today to discuss how his greatest challenges helped him become the rabbi that he is today. He shares his experiences following his father’s stroke and how his mother exemplified resilience. He describes the time he lived in our home and underscores the power of empathy. He also explains who pastors the pastor when they are experiencing life’s difficulties and highlights the value of listening to everyone’s story.

“Sometimes, we need to open up our wounds to begin the healing process.” - Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

How Rabbi Steven’s teenage traumas inform his decisions as a rabbi
The childrens’ biggest fear and how Rabbi Steven wrestled with overgiving
How his mother’s resilience inspires him
What led him to his first sessions with a psychiatrist
Harnessing difficult, traumatic experiences to become a better parent, spouse, and rabbi
Rabbi Steven’s experiences living in our house and why our packed lunches were never bologna
His reliance on family, friends, and colleagues when times are tough
What Rabbi Steven does as a rabbi when someone is experiencing stress or trauma
The power of empathy and listening
The response I wish I got when I came out to my parents about experiencing sexual abuse
Why we should all stop resisting and start wrestling

Connect with Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein:

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Receiving Love

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 05:00:00 -0400

With the exception of messages, calls, and cards I received from people I love and people who love me, the day unfolded not unlike any other. As I reflected on the expressions of love from everyone, I realized how this was all new to me. I was struck by the newness of receiving love. In this feeling of being loved, I believe that I am lovable; in this belief, I practice receiving love. While I can’t say I’ve mastered it, I definitely am practicing it. For the first time in 48 birthdays, it’s clear to me that I am free from the endless loop of unprocessed trauma.

In this episode, I share how the newness of receiving love struck me and the realizations I had on my birthday.

“As I reflected on the feelings of love, I was struck by the newness of receiving love. And in the belief that I’m worthy of love, I practice receiving love.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being struck by love on my birthday
Practicing the art of receiving love
Becoming free from the endless loop of unprocessed trauma

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The Great Unconformity: Living a Life of Gratitude and Kindness with Rev Rachel Hollander

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 09 Sep 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Reverend Rachel Hollander is many things: an interfaith minister, singer, songwriter, officiate, and counselor—and she’s on a mission to help people navigate a life of depression. She fulfills this mission through a variety of her work, including Choose Again: A Journey to Wholeness, a performance piece that recounts her adventures (and misadventures) in a life with depression, and the podcast, I Wasn’t Always Like This. Her book, From There to Here: An Insider’s Guide to Navigating the Darkness, is a collection of her thoughts and insights shining a light into the shadows of living with chronic depression.

Rachel joins me today to discuss gratitude and kindness, as well as what cherishing them entails. She shares what inspired her to maintain gratitude and explains why she tries to be kind. She differentiates gratitude from “guilty” gratitude, defines what “spiritual bypassing” means, and explains why gratitude can often sound like glossing over pain. She also underscores how her spiritual path and gratitude mutually support each other and highlights why it’s important to cherish and protect gratitude.

“I’ve been shown such great kindness in my life that I feel it is my joyous and sweet obligation to be kind.” - Rev. Rachel Hollander

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What gratitude means
Writing on a “fuckery” journal and what spiritual bypassing means
How gratitude can come off as glossing over pain
What “guilty grateful” is and why it’s not helpful for anyone
The beginning of Rachel’s gratitude practice
The cost of living without an awareness of gratitude
How to remain grateful in an environment that isn’t
Rachel’s three karmic tasks and the importance of kindness
The challenge of not being judgmental toward other people
How to see people as gifts regardless of their predisposition
The Great Unconformity and how gratitude and darkness can coexist
How Rachel’s spiritual path fosters her gratitude

Connect with Rev. Rachel Hollander:

Rachel Hollander Website
I Wasn’t Always Like This Podcast
Book: From There to Here: An Insider’s Guide to Navigating the Darkness
Rachel Hollander on Medium
Rachel Hollander on Facebook
Email: revrachelhollander@gmail.com

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Don’t Let Your Shit Get in the Way of Your Healing

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 02 Sep 2021 05:00:00 -0400

You are here, feeling unworthy and unlovable. Your traumas, fears, blame, and self-judgment fill all of your stories. Whether it’s your first or tenth time, you have to fight it. You have to stop them from getting in the way of your healing. You have to fight because you’ll get through it. You have to fight because you are worthy. And know that there are people around you—people who support you, believe you, and believe in you. We are here.

In this episode, I reveal the 10th rule of the Trauma Hiders Club. I discuss why you shouldn’t give up on your healing journey. I also highlight that you are supported, believed, and loved.

“You’ll get through this. If this is your first time or your tenth time, you have to fight.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The 10th rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
Knowing that there are people who support your healing from trauma
Keeping up the good fight for your healing process

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Rediscovering Our Humanity with Bay LeBlanc Quiney

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 05:00:00 -0400

“We are, as a species, on a tipping point of the next big revolution: an intellectual, emotional one, where we move into more awareness.” - Bay LeBlanc Quiney

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why it’s challenging to have conversations about having children
The ugly parts of putting in the work
Being at the tipping point of the next big revolution
Waking up to conversations about loss, grief, and difficult emotions
Why we are the least human of humans and what separates humankind from other animals
How to remind yourself of your humanity
The importance of knowing sickness, death, and dying
Growing up in a dysfunctional household and what it took for Bay to open up to her humanity and receive support from other people
How Bay’s childhood trauma showed up in her late 20s
Dissociation and survival mechanisms of trauma
The importance of discussing our shared human experience

Connect with Bay LeBlanc Quiney:

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Make the Boundaries, Keep the Boundaries

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 19 Aug 2021 05:00:00 -0400

If you’ve experienced trauma, there’s a high chance that keeping boundaries may be difficult for you. “Boundaries” might not even be in your vocabulary. But creating and maintaining boundaries are some of the ways you can honor your healing. Without boundaries, creepers will continue to invade your life and suck your energy so much that you might not have anything left for healing. As you work through your trauma, it’s important to remember the 9th rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: Make the Boundaries, Keep the Boundaries.

In this episode, I discuss the importance of keeping boundaries and explain why many trauma survivors find it difficult to make them. I share the different kinds of boundaries you can put up and describe how to create a boundary around a person who sucks the life out of you. I also discuss how not maintaining boundaries can aggravate your healing process and highlight the value of honoring your healing through creating boundaries.

“You’ve got to keep your boundaries. Otherwise, the creepers will continue to creep into your life, take all of your energy, and leave you nothing for healing.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The 9th Rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
Why creating boundaries can be difficult for trauma survivors
The role of creating and maintaining boundaries
Acknowledging the things that suck the life out of you
The different boundaries you can create

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The Relationship between Habits and Trauma with Tamsin Astor

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Dr. Tamsin Astor is a chief habit scientist and author of Force of Habit. She is a sought-after coach, consultant, and international speaker who guides CEOs and entrepreneurs to habit mastery. In her book, Tamsin blends her background in cognitive neuroscience with her knowledge of yoga, ayurveda, meditation, and coaching to help others master their habits and unleash their true power. Tamsin completed her Ph.D. in Psychology & Neuroscience at the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience, University College London. Before working as a coach and yoga educator, Tamsin was a Postdoctoral Research Fellow at Washington University in St. Louis.

Tamsin joins me today to discuss the relationship between habits and trauma. She shares how her childhood and upbringing shaped the way she relates to trauma and vulnerability. She describes her son’s cancer diagnosis and how it changed her worldview. She discusses how experiencing trauma can make us accrue coping behaviors that become habits and explains how we can change them. She also highlights the value of creating a life vision and shares her advice on taking the journey from victim to victor.

“We fall into numbing behaviors that become habits. Habits are part of these shields and armors we create to protect ourselves and keep us safe.” - Tamsin Astor

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The spirit of the Trauma Hiders Club
The value of normalizing conversations about trauma
Experiencing pandemic-related global trauma
How Tamsin’s upbringing helped shaped her ideas of trauma, vulnerability, and authenticity
What it took for Tamsin to open up about her trauma story
How her son’s cancer diagnosis shifted Tamsin’s worldview
How coping behaviors related to trauma can become habits
The various ways we numb ourselves to cope with trauma
How to create better, healthier habits and the power of getting clear on your life vision
The difference between a “created” life and a “reported” life
Working through feelings of unworthiness

Connect with Tamsin Astor:

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Accept Others

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 05:00:00 -0400

I have another name for the eighth rule of Trauma Hiders Club: “Sometimes Other People Suck, and It’s Not Their Fault.”

It can be frustrating whenever you share your trauma with others. Sometimes you don’t get the response you want; sometimes, they trigger your trauma even more; sometimes, you trigger their trauma. That’s because nobody else has lived your experience but you—inevitably, some people are going to fall short of expectations. But you’re not responsible for how they respond, and they’re not responsible for how you respond. Know that even the people who love you—friends, families, partners—can disappoint you. It doesn’t mean they’re not doing their best to support you, and it doesn’t mean we’re going to stop working on our healing or talking about trauma. We’ll keep going, and we’ll keep working on our healing.

In this episode, I share the eighth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: “Accept Others.” I describe how and why people are sometimes going to disappoint you when you share with them your experiences and remind you to keep doing the work, even if you are yet to find the right people.

“Know that there are people in your world who are going to disappoint you, anger you, or re-trigger your shit. But we don’t stop. We keep doing the work.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The eighth rule of Trauma Hiders Club
Your lived experiences are unique to you, and why it can be frustrating to talk about trauma with others
Accepting others and doing the work

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Bearing Witness to Trauma and Healing with Jackie Pfadt

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 29 Jul 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Jacqueline Pfadt is a consultant for financial reporting systems & IT support services and the author of PTSD Raw and Real: A Reason for Hope and Motivation to Fight On. Having survived sexual abuse as a child and reclaimed her life through therapeutic work, Jackie bears witness to her lived experience through PTSD Raw and Real to help others cope with the struggles of trauma and healing. She is a staunch supporter and advocate of the Ohio Alliance to End Sexual Violence, the Cleveland Rape Crisis Center, and the ALS Association North Ohio Chapter, using her voice to raise awareness for these important issues.

Jackie joins me today to share her life’s story—from surviving childhood sexual abuse to reclaiming her life. She explains how her mother supported her through her journey and how learning to let go of expectations healed their relationship. She discusses the value of normalizing conversations about trauma and describes how writing letters, journals, and her book helped her find her voice and speak her truth. She also highlights how working with an individual therapist, having a community of abuse survivors, and sharing her story publicly contributed to her path to wholeness and healing.

“I want to be a witness to what I’ve experienced and be with others. By being willing and open, you help others become brave and vulnerable.” - Jackie Pfadt

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Why Jackie wrote PTSD Raw and Real
Her source of hope and motivation and why she writes and speaks about trauma
Surviving childhood trauma and getting to the next level of healing
What it took for Jackie to open up and receive support
How acceptance and letting go allowed Jackie to connect with her mother and heal their relationship
The power of journaling in overcoming the barriers to therapy
How rage, shame, and trauma can make people reject others
How a support group of abuse survivors helped Jackie speak her truth
The reason Jackie decided to use her name instead of a pen name when she wrote PTSD Raw and Real
How she cultivated the courage to accept her story and share it with the world
Why non-veterans get PTSD and the importance of normalizing conversations about trauma
Learning to let go of control and staying present in the moment of healing

Resources Mentioned:

Book: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk

Connect with Jackie Pfadt:

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Be Patient with Your Healing Journey

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 22 Jul 2021 05:00:00 -0400

If you’re just beginning your journey through healing trauma, you might find yourself wanting it just to be over so you can get back to your life as soon as you can. I was there when I started my own deep trauma therapy as a patient. It felt like my progress was incremental - so small, in fact, it felt like I barely made progress at all. Conversations with my therapist felt like it hardly made any forward movement. I wanted everything faster.

You know what’s fascinating? I don’t know if it’s ever over, but at this stage of my healing process, I want to take things slowly.

In this episode, I share the seventh rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: Be patient with your healing journey. I explain why I want to slow down my healing journey and describe how - especially at the beginning of my process - I felt like my conversations with my therapist yielded little progress. I also discuss how, in your own journey, you’ll sometimes feel like you’re moving backward instead of progressing forward and explain why you’d want to stay in every moment of the ride towards your healing.

“Be on the ride, be on the journey. Be in it for the long game because this is for life.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The seventh rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
Dealing with impatience at the start of my healing journey
How every moment spent in healing makes huge pay-offs
Why I want to take my journey slowly at this stage of my trauma therapy

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The Power of Having Communal Support for Complex Trauma Recovery with Jess B

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 15 Jul 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Jess B.—former biomedical researcher, craft brewery logistics manager, and traumatized mess—is the force behind the proudly named Traumatized Motherfuckers community, a support group for complex trauma recovery born from her blog and podcast of the same name. Blending her background in science with experiential snark, Jess uses research, personal insight, communal spirit, and honest vulnerability (sans toxic positivity) in her work to help educate and support others through complex trauma and recovery.

Jess joins me today to discuss how her effort to understand her childhood trauma led her to find a community of people who support each other through their healing journeys. She shares how she experienced trauma throughout her youth and explains how the effects of trauma endured and progressed well into her adulthood. She describes how society conditions people to accept abuse and how we feed that cycle of abuse that traumatizes us. She also highlights how she spent many years thinking that the repercussions of her trauma were permanent and

underscores how healing is possible through professional and communal support.

“People aren’t alone in feeling alone, and it doesn’t have to be that way forever. There are answers out there, and there are people who understand.” - Jess B.

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Monsters under our beds and why Jess decided to focus on trauma
Jess’s “pandemic baby” and how writing about her trauma transformed into a podcast and a community
Her experiences with trauma throughout her upbringing
How and why adulthood is a trauma trigger point for many people
Job and workplace-related abuse and trauma
The way society grooms us to accept abuse and how it impacts our families
How Jess looks at trauma in her blog and podcast
Her reintegration practice and experiment in peace
How having a community and a dog with special needs helped Jess through her healing journey
Honor thy boundaries, honor thy safety

Connect with Jess B.:

Traumatized Motherfuckers Website
Podcast: Complex Trauma Recovery: We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers
Traumatized Motherfuckers on Instagram
Traumatized Motherfuckers on Facebook
Traumatized Motherfuckers on Medium
Traumatized Motherfuckers on Patreon
Email: traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com

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Recognize – It's A Long Road

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 08 Jul 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Healing trauma can be a long, long journey. In my own healing experience, I spent so much time creating safe spaces and safe resources - all of which were imagined. I spent so much time creating those imaginary safe places and containers that I only spent 10% of my time actually unpacking and dealing with the trauma... and 90% in those containers.

That’s why the sixth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club is to remember that it’s a long road, and how long healing takes (or will take) for you is less important than the quality of your relationship to healing and support. What matters the most is to do the work, bringing together your experiences from a place of safety, working with a professional therapist or trauma coach, and developing relationships outside of therapy that will support your healing.

In this episode, I discuss the sixth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club and the importance of seeking supportive relationships outside therapy. I describe how much time I spent in my own healing journey creating safe spaces for myself. I also highlight the value of working with a professional therapist, counselor, or trauma coach and underscore how it’s the setting up of safety that will help you come out on the other side.

“How long healing takes is less important than the quality of the relationship to the healing and the support.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The long and winding road to healing trauma
The sixth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
How I created safe spaces in my healing process
The value of working with a professional therapist to help you with your healing journey

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Physical Affects of Trauma with Giovanna Capozza

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Giovanna Capozza is a coach and Functional Medicine Practitioner who advocates for mind-body healing and wellness. She is the co-founder of Blue Hive Health, a digital wellness center that focuses on the intersection between mind, body, and spirit. Certified with the Board of Professional Holistic Nutritionists, Giovanna has also been a teaching faculty member of the Ontario College of Homeopathic Medicine and the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition. As a professional coach, certified in Mind-Body Therapy, Giovanna centers on helping her clients seek clarity on their path to more purposeful lives and relationships, as well as leading them to discover self-love.

Her book, Love Well: A Journey from Lovesickness & Codependency to Healthy Love, will be released in November 2021.

Giovanna joins me today to discuss the physical implications of trauma. She discusses the importance of being open to vulnerability and describes how not having uncomfortable conversations made her relationships with family and friends superficial. She shares her work in mind-body healing and wellness and describes the methods of homeopathy. She also highlights how hypervigilance can exhaust the body and underscores how a person who has experienced trauma can take their first steps toward healing and wellness.

“A trauma is anything that overwhelms your neurocircuitry and has potential physical effects on the body.” - Giovanna Capozza

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

What makes Giovanna open to uncomfortable and vulnerable conversations
Trauma’s impact on our health and why we can’t compartmentalize the mind and body
The relationship between chronic diseases and trauma
How living through a global traumatic event can impact us and the signs of trauma responses
Dealing with trauma brought about by the pandemic
Initial steps toward healing childhood trauma
Sleeping with one eye open and how hypervigilance can cause chronic fatigue
What functional medicine is and the work of a homeopath
What led Giovanna to her coaching and functional medicine practices
The fear of being different and coming out of the spiritual closet
The importance of support

Connect with Giovanna Capozza:

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Accept – Healing from Trauma takes time

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 24 Jun 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Healing from trauma takes time, and it certainly doesn’t have a required amount of time. There’s no date, no deadline. Nothing says you have to be healed by this or that point in time. The weight of emotional pain from trauma is heavy and huge. Move through it one step at a time, at your own pace, in a way that you can handle. If someone promises you that you’ll be completely healed, restored to your full glory, after taking their “proven” steps in a certain number of sessions, don’t walk away - run. And run fast, because no other timeline is right for you than yours - it’s the most beautiful, excellent timeline.

In this episode, I discuss the fifth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: Healing from trauma takes time. I explain how healing from trauma means working through emotional pain at your own pace. I share the different things you need to unpack while dealing with trauma. I also highlight that nobody should tell you when you should be healed and underscore the value of respecting the pain, the time, and letting them unravel.

“There is no timeline for healing trauma.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The fifth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
Knowing that there is no deadline for healing trauma
The individual baggage we all need to work through and unpack
Running away from people who promise you get-healed-quick schemes
Why your timeline and your process are different from anybody else’s

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Overcoming the Fear of Dealing with Trauma with Suzy Bastone

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 07:15:00 -0400

Suzy Bastone is an actor, speaker, and Certified Life Coach. After experiencing a motorbike accident about 15 years ago, Suzy had to completely re-evaluate her life. The ramifications that trauma can create spoke to her compassion, empathy, and understanding of herself and others. With rehabilitation and emotional strengthening at the forefront of her mind, Suzy later trained to become a Personal Trainer, a role that allows her to have a broad understanding of the body/mind connection. Today, as a coach, Suzy works with people from a wide variety of industries, focusing on resiliency and building confidence & well-being.

Suzy joins me today to share what led her to become open to receiving help with her trauma following her motorbike accident. She describes the kinds of fear that prevented her from dealing with trauma and recounts her experience with miscarriage. She also explains how trauma can manifest in a variety of ways, highlights how different people experience trauma differently, and underscores the value of recognizing trauma-related stigma and having conversations around it.

“We are afraid to talk about trauma because of what could be uncovered. But these conversations open up human connection: to be able to sit in a safe space brings us back to peace and hope.” - Suzy Bastone

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Being okay with the uncomfortable and why Suzy said ‘yes’ to the Trauma Hiders Club
Finding peace through acknowledging feelings and working through trauma
Fear responses and what Suzy was afraid might happen if she sat with trauma
The fear of coming back to face trauma and the deep, dark feelings that came with it
Being afraid of coming across as imperfect and a victim
The prevailing stigma around trauma and why conversations around trauma matter
How we’ve all experienced trauma in our lives
Experiencing miscarriage and loss and how Suzy was prompted to welcome support for her trauma
Putting value to all types of trauma and my experience with miscarriage
The relationship between hope and peace
Who told Suzy she needed to ‘have it all together’
The road to self-compassion and how coaching was a game-changer for Suzy
How trauma can manifest in different ways and the value of the mind-body connection

Connect with Suzy Bastone:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Know There Is Life After Trauma

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 07:00:00 -0400

I remember hearing a sound. It was my dog’s breath after playing. And when the sound of my dog’s breathing reminded me of my abuser, I immediately felt sick. I had already been deep in my work; still, the sound set off my hypervigilance. It would be like this in many moments of my life: it could be the color of somebody’s eyes, a pair of glasses, or an older person, and my hypervigilance would trigger. Using the resources I had, I worked my way through those moments. Then, life went on.

Perhaps that happens to you, too. You’re full of self-judgment, of rage, of fear. As if that’s not enough, in sleepless nights you suffer images, scents, and sounds playing in an endless loop. The trauma is the worst you’ve experienced in your life, but every day you spend after is no less terrible. Still, you work through it, and you live on.

And on the other side of all this is freedom.

In this episode, I reveal the fourth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: knowing that there’s life after trauma. I explain how trauma can continue to show up through our lives, even when we least expect it. I also share a moment in my life where my hypervigilance was triggered, despite having worked with therapy, and underscore the value of work in taking ourselves to freedom.

“Like all trauma, the only way out is through, and the only way through is work, and on the other side is freedom.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The fourth rule of the Trauma Hiders Club
Setting off my hypervigilance, even after getting deep into trauma therapy
Choosing to work through moments of hypervigilance
What ‘EMDR’ means
The road from trauma to freedom

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Navigating a Life with Depression with Rev. Rachel Hollander

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 06:45:00 -0400

Reverend Rachel Hollander is a minister, singer, songwriter, counselor, and author of From There to Here: An Insider’s Guide to Navigating the Darkness, where she shares her reflections and insights on living with chronic severe depression. In addition to her book, Rachel further supports people living with depression through hosting the uplifting podcast I Wasn’t Always Like This and through Choose Again: A Journey to Wholeness, a performance piece that recounts her adventures (and misadventures) in a life with depression, its challenges, and its gifts.

Rev. Rachel joins me today to share her life living with depression. She discusses how she hid her depression from others and how, at one point in her life, she didn’t realize she was hiding her trauma. She explains how acting her way out of people discovering her depression protected her and hindered her from forming relationships with others at the same time. She also discusses the turning point where she became ready to share her emotions with the world and underscores the possibility of living life with depression.

“There were years where I felt like I was a victim of the world, of life, of God. When that turned around and changed, I had deep compassion for the person I was.” - Rev. Rachel Hollander

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Hiding depression as a form of care-taking for others
Owning trauma and Rachel’s “rescue mission”
Her message about living with depression
The waiting room of emotions and the challenges of identifying and sharing feelings
The Goofiest Girl and how acting to keep her depression hidden from others “benefited” Rachel
Longing for intimacy and how hiding her depression kept Rachel from having deeper connections with others
The conundrum of being a minister and the challenges of asking for help and support
The vulnerability involved in asking someone for help
Choosing life and being triumphant

Connect with Rev. Rachel Hollander:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Know That You Are Not Your Trauma

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 06:30:00 -0400

Repeat after me: Trauma happened to me. I am not my trauma.

As a trauma survivor, you’re likely to blend what happened to you with your identity. You might think“I’m filthy” or “I’m damaged, broken.” I know this because these are words I’ve thought to myself. I have spent the majority of my life blaming myself for my childhood trauma; telling myself that I can’t trust myself or other people. And it wasn’t until I did the work that I realized I didn’t choose what happened to me...the same way you didn’t choose what happened to you. You are not your trauma, and it certainly doesn’t define you. And it’s in this space where we’ll work together towards freedom and love, because you’re worth it. You deserve it.

In this episode, I reveal the third rule of the Trauma Hiders Club: you are not your trauma. I share an example to help you reframe your thinking around trauma. I discuss how I’ve lived a vast majority of my life believing that I am damaged and blaming myself for my trauma. I also highlight the hope of finding freedom from trauma and underscore that you are worthy and deserving of love.

“Trauma doesn’t define you; it’s a thing that happened to you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

The car crash scenario and the third rule of Trauma Hiders Club
How we blame ourselves for the trauma we experience
Spending my life thinking that I’m damaged
Realizing that I didn’t choose to experience the trauma that happened to me
Digging deeper and working towards freedom and love

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Magic of Being Alive & Finding Support with Will Rezin

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 06:15:00 -0400

Will Rezin is the co-founder of Trauma + Somatics, a somatic coach training program. He has worked with world-class coaches, internet marketing experts, Emmy award-winning producers, TED speakers, and Fortune 500 brand developers. What I love about Will is his curiosity, wonder, and magic all wrapped with a safe, warm, brilliant, and caring ribbon. He always looks to decode the science and language of humans. With a tender, beautiful heart, he discovered that the answers are all here - right inside our bodies.

Will joins me today to discuss the magic of being alive. He shares his personal experience with trauma and how it inspired him to become a trauma-informed Somatic Experiencing practitioner. We discuss why some therapists and counselors struggle to effectively help trauma patients and why it’s important to seek out practitioners who specialize in helping people heal from trauma. Will discusses the events that led him to staying at a group home during his teenage years, how he learned to adapt to his new surroundings, and why he’ll always be grateful for that experience. We discuss why Will believes we all possess an innate agility and flexibility in life and why many people struggle to cultivate it. We also discuss what could happen if we leave our trauma unchecked - with a disconnect from the experience, the story, and what’s happening in our bodies.

“A lack of capacity to live in the present moment, we’re robbing ourselves of life. We’re resisting living.” - Will Rezin

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Will’s journey to founding Trauma + Somatics
His personal experience with trauma
Finding the right counselor or therapist
The events that led Will to stay at a group home during his teenage years
Why Will will always be grateful for the lessons and experiences he had while living in a group home
The benefits of surrounding yourself with supportive people
Why Will felt he needed to hide his trauma and the self-sabotaging beliefs he told himself
The innate agility and flexibility of life
What Will believes could happen if people leave their trauma unchecked
How we have collectively been living through a traumatic experience
What Will is most excited about and what’s new for him

Resources Mentioned:

Anthony de Mello (Amazon Author Page)

Connect with Will Rezin:

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Talk About Your Trauma with a Professional

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 06:00:00 -0400

In my first experience of talking about my trauma, I got a response that was possibly considered retraumatizing. While my parents did the best they could, I was looking for a different response. I didn't know what response I was looking for, but I did know that the one I got was not it. So the second rule of the trauma club being ‘talk about trauma club’ is to find helpers. Look for the helpers. If you don't find the people who can respond, find the people who can. Those people are therapists, counselors, or trauma-informed coaches. They are those people who are experienced in dealing with trauma.

In today’s episode, I discuss the second rule of Trauma Hiders Club and the importance of seeking external help when healing from trauma. I discuss the kind of people you should speak with when talking with your friends and loved ones doesn’t seem to help. I discuss the challenges we often face when talking about our traumas with good-intentioned yet ill-equipped friends and loved ones and how it can often feel like a trigger or retraumatizing. I also explain why it takes time to find the right person to help you through your traumatic experience and the importance of continuing your search until you find ‘your person'.

“It takes time. It takes time to find the resource, the person, the counselor, the therapist - whomever you’re going to work with. It takes time to find ‘your person.’ Bottomline - your person is out there.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

Speaking with counselors, therapists, and trauma-informed coaches
The challenges of talking with someone about your trauma who isn’t equipped to listen to your story
Taking the time to find the right person to help you through your healing process

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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The Wolf Connection to Heal Trauma with Amanda Beer

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 05:45:00 -0400

Dr. Amanda Beer is the Program Director at Wolf Connection, a not-for-profit educational sanctuary and wilderness retreat center located just north of Los Angeles. They bring people together through direct relationships with rescued wolves. Amanda is a licensed psychologist and educator. At Wolf Connection, she collaborates with the Wolf Pack and Human Program Team to facilitate powerful opportunities for awareness, connection, healing, and growth. Consistent with her commitment to social justice as a therapist, she has presented and published a number of empirical studies focused on social, cultural, and training issues like inmate experiences, white privilege, and multicultural learning environments.

Amanda joins me today to share why she believes we have all experienced trauma simply by the act of living. She explains how wolves deal with trauma and how it differs from the way humans move through it. We discuss why living beings have a set point for achieving equilibrium and the ability to adapt and find inner equilibrium and peace. We discuss why the Wolf Connection organization uses wolves to help people overcome traumatic experiences and what their experiences are like when connecting with wolves. We also discuss how the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted the viability of the work they do at The Wolf Connection and how they’ve stayed motivated to be successful, despite the challenges.

“The wolves mirror our resilience, our capacity, our ability to be present and in the moment.” - Dr. Amanda Beer

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● How wolves deal with trauma differently than humans

● How all living beings have a set point for equilibrium

● Our ability to adapt and find inner peace

● Why the Wolf Connection organization uses wolves to help people overcome serious trauma

● What “Mikey Medicine” and “The Medicine Wheel” are, and how Wolf Therapy has helped one young girl work through trauma

● My experience at The Wolf Connection and what led Amanda to start working at the organization

● The importance of believing you’re worthy

● How COVID has impacted the viability of the work they do at The Wolf Connection

Connect with Amanda Beer:

● Wolf Connection

● Podcast: The Wolf Connection

● Women & Wolves 2021 Retreat

● Wolf Connection on LinkedIn

● Wolf Connection on Instagram

● Wolf Connection on Facebook

● Wolf Connection on Twitter

● Amanda Beer on LinkedIn

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Talk

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 05:30:00 -0400

I remember the first time I talked about trauma to anyone - it was my parents, and the response I received wasn’t what I needed. I didn’t know what I needed, and they certainly did their best, but I knew what I got was not what I needed - so I stopped talking about it. What I discovered many years later while working with other people and being in this world where trauma was all around me is the realization that the only way through it was by doing the work.

That’s why the first rule of the Trauma Hiders Club is to talk about the Trauma Hiders Club.

In this episode, I explain the first rule of the Trauma Hiders Club and how talking about your experiences unlocks new opportunities for healing. I discuss my mission to continue talking about trauma and why I believe it’s all around us. I discuss why I believe the global pandemic is a traumatic experience for many people. I also share how telling your trauma story can help you become more open and accepting of who you are as a human being.

“The more we talk about it - the more that we see it, feel it, open up to it in ourselves and to other people - the more we can accept who we are as humans.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● My first experience with talking about my trauma with my parents

● Why talking about your trauma is the first step toward recovery and healing

● My mission to continue talking about trauma through the lens that it’s all around us

● How sharing your trauma story can help you accept yourself for who you really are

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Owning Your Brokenness & Embracing Freedom with Mark Silverman

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 05:15:00 -0400

Mark J. Silverman is the bestselling author of Only 10’s 2.0: Confront Your To-Do List and Transform Your Life. He is the creator and facilitator of Only 10’s online course, the Leadership & Resiliency course, and the Mastering Midlife Master Circle. Mark is a powerful executive coach, speaker, and host of the weekly podcast: Mastering Midlife, a show that explores how you can thrive in a world that asks the most of you through direct, meaningful conversations with world-leading experts and entrepreneurs. Mark holds a bachelor’s degree in Business and Applied Science from National Louis University with a focus on Business Administration and Management and a certification from the Foundation for Holistic Life Coaching in Holistic Health and Transformational Coaching.

Mark joins me today to discuss his childhood trauma and the importance of embracing who you are and owning your ‘brokenness.’ He shares his experience of growing up believing that making mistakes was equal to life and death, how it has impacted his life, and why he currently believes that your childhood traumas do not define who you are or who you will be in the future. He shares how he transformed his life from being homeless and addicted to alcohol to becoming the joyous, loving, successful entrepreneur he is today and the people that helped him achieve a better life. We also discuss why Mark believes that losing everything was the greatest gift he’s received in life and how it allowed him to rediscover who he is and rebuild his life in a more authentic and organic way.

“Whenever I confront my ego, whenever I tell the truth about myself, whenever I reveal something vulnerable, it’s a little death of my ego - but it’s life for me.” - Mark Silverman

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Why Mark joined the Trauma Hiders Club and how trauma has impacted his life

● Being ‘okay’ with who you are and the value of owning your ‘brokenness’

● Why your past traumas do not automatically set your future in stone

● How Mark perceived making mistakes as a life-or-death scenario during his childhood years

● How Mark transformed his life from being homeless and addicted to alcohol to becoming the successful, joyous, loving human being he is today

● The ‘helpers’ and heroes that helped Mark turn his life around

● Why Mark believes that losing everything was his greatest gift

● Mark’s experience with PTSD and EMDR therapy

● Letting go of your ‘anchors’ to begin healing

● Why Mark believes being vulnerable keeps him real and grounded

● What Mark believes would have happened if he didn’t heal from his childhood trauma

Resources Mentioned:

● Book: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chödrön

● MindFix

Connect with Mark Silverman:

● Mark J. Silverman’s Website

● Podcast: Mastering Midlife

● Book: Only 10’s 2.0: Confront Your To-Do List and Transform Your Life

● Mark J. Silverman and Associates LLC on LinkedIn

● Mark Silverman on LinkedIn

● Mark Silverman on Instagram

● Mark Silverman on Facebook

● Mark Silverman on Twitter

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Breaking Free from Trauma

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Thu, 17 Jun 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Welcome to the first episode of The Trauma Hiders Club Podcast. I’m your host, Karen Goldfinger Baker, a board-certified Executive Coach for high-achieving, game-changing giants in professional sports, technology, business, and leadership. I’m also the creator of the Trauma Hiders Club, an invite-only club for high-achieving individuals to feel supported, held, and heard while working past and healing from traumatic experiences. As a trauma survivor myself - I get you. For years I struggled to uncouple myself from my childhood trauma - hiding it away in that imaginary closet at the back of my mind. Through a conversation with a dear friend - paired with the global pandemic - I found freedom.

The freedom to step into the light and share my story.

The freedom to seek out and embrace other trauma survivors.

And the freedom to launch the Trauma Hiders Podcast and Club.

In this episode, I share a glimpse of the traumatic experience I endured as a young girl. I discuss how I struggled for years to separate myself and my identity from my childhood trauma and how I found the courage to heal and break free from the seemingly never-ending cycle of trauma. I also share why I decided to launch the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast and what you can expect from tuning into each episode.

“Trauma is something that happened TO you. It does not define you.” - Karen Goldfinger Baker

This week on the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast:

● Uncoupling myself from my childhood trauma

● My journey in breaking free from the trauma cycle

● My mission to normalize the conversation around trauma

● What you can expect from each episode of the Trauma Hiders Club Podcast

Where High Achievers Get Through Shit - TOGETHER

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Welcome to the Trauma Hiders Club

Karen Goldfinger Baker — Sun, 25 Apr 2021 05:00:00 -0400

Trauma Hiders Club Podcast where high achievers like you finally reveal what keeps them awake at night, and that no amount of money or recognition will fix. I’m also making it my business to speak with people who get you. So get your best hiders face, sit down and let you guard down! What’s on the other side of this shit. Will change your life.