If you’ve ever felt drained by conflict or unsure how to respond to differing opinions, this episode will help you find clarity and confidence in how you show up.

Key Takeaways

• Lead with Compassion: Replace judgment with curiosity.
• Set Boundaries: Protect your energy without guilt.
• Choose Dialogue Over Division: Seek to understand, not just to respond.
• Own Your Part: You’re responsible for how you engage, not how others react.

Watch if You’re Interested In

• Emotional intelligence & self-awareness
• Conflict resolution & communication skills
• Navigating tough conversations
• Personal growth & relational healing

Host Info:

Hannah Hutchinson, M.A.

yourconflictcoachh@gmail.com

yourconflictcoachh.square.site

insta: @yourconflictcoac.hh | @theunconflictedpod

tiktok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Host Info:

Hannah Hutchinson, M.A.

yourconflictcoachh@gmail.com

yourconflictcoachh.square.site

insta: @yourconflictcoac.hh | @theunconflictedpod

tiktok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

1. How much should we change for other people?
2. How do I know if my relationship is stagnant/lukewarm?
3. How do I know if someone's the one?
4. What impact has social media had on relationships?
5. What is a conflict coach?

... & more, in under 30 minutes!

References & Sources:

https://rdcu.be/ezLXy

https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/

Host Info:

Hannah Hutchinson, M.A.

yourconflictcoachh@gmail.com

yourconflictcoachh.square.site

insta: @yourconflictcoac.hh | @theunconflictedpod

tiktok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Are you eligible?

• Do you know what life you want?
• Do you know which parts of your life don't align?
• Do you believe you deserve an aligned life?

If YES...

• Plan for what you want
• Detach from what isn't serving you
• Take action accordingly

Host Info:

Hannah Hutchinson, M.A.

yourconflictcoachh@gmail.com

yourconflictcoachh.square.site

insta: @yourconflictcoac.hh | @theunconflictedpod

tiktok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Morgan Kilgore (Early Childhood Development Specialist, Childcare Owner, & Children's Advocate) talks with Hannah about the minds of children, and what we can learn from them. She answers questions such as:

• How do young children typically approach and resolve conflicts? 
• In what ways do children express and manage their emotions differently from adults? 
• What are some things you notice about kid’s friendships, and how could we as adults benefit from doing similar things? 
• Can you give some examples of how children's natural curiosity and openness impact their friendships and conflicts? 
•  How do children’s communication styles, like their honesty and directness, affect their relationships? 
• What lessons can adults take from this to improve their own interpersonal connections?

My Stuff:

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

Tucker Partridge (writer, wordsmith, comedian, & marketing expert) talks with Hannah about the power of words and language, and why our intentionality matters. He answers questions such as:

• How does language impact relationships, both personally and professionally, from your perspective as a writer and marketing expert?
• How does authenticity contribute to your work, and how does it improve relationships and communication?
• In what ways do you think language can help bridge cultural gaps and promote understanding between diverse people who need to coexist?
• How do you balance strategy and authenticity?
• How can we use communication principles to enhance our relationships?
• Why is empathy important in your writing and marketing approach, and how can it be used to strengthen relationships through communication?
• How can people use language to bring positive change to our connections and relationships in today's society? What can we be out here doing???

My Stuff:

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

Dr. Bri of Essence Chiropractic talks with Hannah about the mind-body connection. She answers questions such as:

• How do you believe mental health influences physical health, especially in terms of chiropractic care?
• Can you share examples of how stress or emotional issues impact your patients' physical well-being and vice versa?
• From your perspective, what role does mindset play in a patient's recovery or response to chiropractic treatment?
• Have you noticed any trends or patterns linking certain mental states (e.g., anxiety, depression) with specific physical symptoms or conditions?
• What strategies do you use to address both the physical and mental aspects of your patients' health?
• How can practitioners collaborate to enhance overall well-being for their clients?
• From your experience, what lifestyle changes or practices have the most significant impact on improving mental and physical health?

Dr. Bri's info:

Instagram: @drbrichiro & @essence.chiro

Tiktok: @essence.chiro

Location: Essence Chiropractic, Fayetteville, AR

My Stuff:

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

Summary of what to expect from Season 3:

• relationship between physical and mental wellness 
• how language impacts emotion, behaviors, relationships
• conflict thru the eyes of children & what we can learn from them
• modern medicine
• holistic medicine
• neurodivergence & conflict
• relationships & the impact of self-improvement 
• hormones and mental wellness, women’-specific mental health
• self-image and who our relationship with ourself matters 

(featuring special guests for each topics + open, honest, human conversations about things that we all seem to experience, but no one really understands)

What Might be Holding You Back from Leveling Up:

1. Lack of Effective Communication
2. Built-Up Resentment
3. Lack of Emotional Flexibility

If you’re having trouble leveling up, check in with yourself. How is your communication? Are you feeling resentment? Am I feeling emotionally flexible, or mentally stuck? 

We’re gonna be talking a LOT about our relationships with ourselves this season, and this was just a preview. So stay tuned & stay in touch!

Brene Brown Interview:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kux7zpgyTfU

General Info:

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach (& Gage)

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

To find my social media, contact me, follow me, or book me click here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

<3 Hannah, Your Conflict Coach

Everything you'll need to contact me, follow me, or book me can be found here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

Brene Brown interview -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kux7zpgyTfU

Emotional Intelligence breakdown -- https://www.kornferry.com/insights/briefings-for-the-boardroom/4-emotional-intelligence-skills-for-trying-times#:~:text=The%20four%20domains%20of%20Emotional,reactivity%20and%20fewer%20unintended%20consequences.

Everything you'll need to contact me, follow me, or book me can be found here: https://linktr.ee/yourconflictcoac.hh

Nedra Tawwab instagram:  (@nedratawwab)

Link to Set Boundaries, Find Peace -  https://a.co/d/45QhaZd

Instagram: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Facebook: @yourconflictcoac.hh

YouTube: @yourconflictcoachh

TikTok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

What is a conflict coach?

Why did I choose conflict coaching?

What can you do to reduce conflict in your life?

5 shifts that will change your life.

Instagram: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Facebook: @yourconflictcoac.hh

YouTube: @yourconflictcoachh

TikTok: @yourconflictcoac.hh

Is my conflict style permanent? Is it something I just have to live with?

Absolutely not. You can put in work to change your natural reactions to things. It takes several times doing something to build a habit. It definitely can be situational, but just because something's your instinctual reaction doesn't mean you're stuck with that. It's not like a self-identification or personality test (Myers Briggs, Enneagram, etc.)

Conflict styles are different in that we have, on some level, control over them. We definitely have natural reactions. We have instincts, but we also have the power to rebuild our habits. We have the power to say, I don't like reacting that way, I need to start figuring out how to react differently.

Is it better to react actively or passively? Wouldn't passively be better?

The real answer is that it really just depends on the person and the situation. That's why I recommend looking closely at the reactions you have that are destructive, and look at whether or not your tendency (in high emotion) is to react actively or passively.

BUT destructive reactions come in moments of really high emotion, and you're not going to be able to reflect on that well in the moment. That's why it's important to know what our triggers are and be able to recognize things in other people/situations/environments, and say, "this might be a trigger for me. I need to be paying close attention to my emotions and whether or not I'm reacting negatively in this situation."

If we know what our triggers are and learn to watch for them, that's when we start being able to reflect on our negative emotions and learn how to flip them into constructive reactions that play a positive role in the conflict, help us reach a resolution, help you be heard, AND help you gain more understanding and connection in that relationship.

Don't you need to know whose fault it is, in order to solve the problem?

There are exceptions to every blanket claim, but generally, no.

In general, if you're in a relationship with someone (any kind of relationship-- romantic, friendship, workplace, internet, family, etc.) and you're in conflict with them, and that relationship has to stay a working healthy relationship, then it needs to be resolved with collaboration. And if you're using fault or blame to decide how to solve the problem, then you're making it a "you vs. them" problem. And if our goal is collaboration, if our goal is to not damage this relationship, then we need to be able to approach it as "us vs. the problem", not "me vs. them" or "you vs. them" or "me vs. you".

What if I'm doing everything I can, and nothing's changing? What if I'm trying to be better and build my relationships, but I'm getting shut down?

The only thing I can say is that we cannot control the reactions of other people. We can only do everything in our power to communicate our needs and be open and honest when things hurt and/or bother us, when we think there might be a misunderstanding, or when we think there might be a misalignment.

You can only control the way you react. And you can control what you allow in your life. You are in control of the boundaries you set with the people you love. You're in control of whether or not you say yes or no to requests that come in. You're in control of the decisions you make on a daily basis. And you're in control of the way you decide to react and handle conflict. And that's true for every individual person, including the person who's refusing to meet you at your resolution.

Conflict is misalignment and it gives you information. Something's misaligned and there's information there for you. And just like you get to decide how you're reacting to the conflicts, you get to decide what you take from that misalignment and what you do next....]]>FAQs Covered:

Is my conflict style permanent? Is it something I just have to live with?

Absolutely not. You can put in work to change your natural reactions to things. It takes several times doing something to build a habit. It definitely can be situational, but just because something's your instinctual reaction doesn't mean you're stuck with that. It's not like a self-identification or personality test (Myers Briggs, Enneagram, etc.)

Conflict styles are different in that we have, on some level, control over them. We definitely have natural reactions. We have instincts, but we also have the power to rebuild our habits. We have the power to say, I don't like reacting that way, I need to start figuring out how to react differently.

Is it better to react actively or passively? Wouldn't passively be better?

The real answer is that it really just depends on the person and the situation. That's why I recommend looking closely at the reactions you have that are destructive, and look at whether or not your tendency (in high emotion) is to react actively or passively.

BUT destructive reactions come in moments of really high emotion, and you're not going to be able to reflect on that well in the moment. That's why it's important to know what our triggers are and be able to recognize things in other people/situations/environments, and say, "this might be a trigger for me. I need to be paying close attention to my emotions and whether or not I'm reacting negatively in this situation."

If we know what our triggers are and learn to watch for them, that's when we start being able to reflect on our negative emotions and learn how to flip them into constructive reactions that play a positive role in the conflict, help us reach a resolution, help you be heard, AND help you gain more understanding and connection in that relationship.

Don't you need to know whose fault it is, in order to solve the problem?

There are exceptions to every blanket claim, but generally, no.

In general, if you're in a relationship with someone (any kind of relationship-- romantic, friendship, workplace, internet, family, etc.) and you're in conflict with them, and that relationship has to stay a working healthy relationship, then it needs to be resolved with collaboration. And if you're using fault or blame to decide how to solve the problem, then you're making it a "you vs. them" problem. And if our goal is collaboration, if our goal is to not damage this relationship, then we need to be able to approach it as "us vs. the problem", not "me vs. them" or "you vs. them" or "me vs. you".

What if I'm doing everything I can, and nothing's changing? What if I'm trying to be better and build my relationships, but I'm getting shut down?

The only thing I can say is that we cannot control the reactions of other people. We can only do everything in our power to communicate our needs and be open and honest when things hurt and/or bother us, when we think there might be a misunderstanding, or when we think there might be a misalignment.

You can only control the way you react. And you can control what you allow in your life. You are in control of the boundaries you set with the people you love. You're in control of whether or not you say yes or no to requests that come in. You're in control of the decisions you make on a daily basis. And you're in control of the way you decide to react and handle conflict. And that's true for every individual person, including the person who's refusing to meet you at your resolution.

Conflict is misalignment and it gives you information. Something's misaligned and there's information there for you. And just like you get to decide how you're reacting to the conflicts, you get to decide what you take from that misalignment and what you do next.

____________________________

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With stonewalling, there's no immediate step forward. You can eventually get to the forward point you want to be at, but you can't walk through a stone wall. Once that wall is built, if you want to get to the other side, you either have to break it down or try a different route.

I will usually advocate for breaking it down, but sometimes you need help. And that's normal. No, I'm not lying. It's actually normal.

Here's the options:

Mental Health Professionals (e.g. therapists, psychiatrists)

Relationship Professionals (e.g. counselors, marriage/family therapists)

Legal Professionals (e.g. judiciaries, litigation teams, arbitrators)

Peacemaking Professionals (e.g. mediators, conflict coaches)

But here's what I'll say about leaving the stonewalled relationship/conflict as it is, and trying a different route-- if the other person or people involved are refusing to help you break down that wall, leave them there to either figure it out or keep doing nothing, and move forward with the people who would have helped you break down a wall that was damaging your relationship with them.

And if you don't know which people in your life would help you break down that wall, or if you're consistently being stonewalled, then you're not learning enough from your conflicts.

You can't control them. You can only control you, and your goal should always be to move forward. And if they can't keep up, leave them there.

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What are my responsibilities in this relationship?

What are their responsibilities in this relationship?

Was everyone upholding their responsibilities?

Are these responsibilities agreed upon? And if not, why not?

Would their answer to those questions be the same?

If you think that it would, how do you know?

Even if something is 1000% someone else's fault or if it's 1000% your fault, that does. not. matter.

Whose responsibility it is to maintain the integrity and the alignment of the relationship?

Whose responsibility is it to put in the work to realign this relationship when conflict happens?

HINT: The answer to neither of those should be "theirs" or "mine"...

THE ANSWER SHOULD BE OURS.

______

If you remember nothing else from this episode, take this:

Collaboration is impossible without communication and comprehension. And everyone involved in a relationship should be responsible for communicating their expectations and putting effort into comprehending the expectations others in any type of relationship.

______

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yt: Hannah Hutchinson, Conflict Coach

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We ask ourselves “WHO made me feel this way?” instead of “WHAT is making me feel this way?” or "WHY am I feeling this way?"

That’s why emotions are such a huge part of our individual perception of a conflict, BUT you have to be able to recognize that everyone’s individual perception is based on their own emotional reality.

When we START WITH our emotions as the foundation of our reasoning and problem solving, the rest of our resolution process is doomed, because all of a sudden we’re trying to fix feelings, instead of fix a relationship.

When we do that, it adds more emotional tension to the conflict because we cannot cry, yell, ignore, or force another person into understanding our emotional reasoning. They’re set up to fail, because they will either try to understand it logically or emotionally.

If they try to understand it logically, they can’t, because you’re reasoning emotionally.

But if they try to understand it emotionally, they still probably won’t get it because their emotional reasoning is based in their own perception of the conflict, not yours.

What we really want is just for them to handle the situation in a way that makes sense to us. In a way that makes us feel comfortable. In a way that makes us feel supported, not attacked. 

We have to recognize that even though it’s what we crave as humans, being fully and completely understood is not the only type of resolution.

Even healthy conflict can still be uncomfortable and confusing, and damaging/destructive conflicts will still happen, you’ll still feel misunderstood sometimes, even when you’re doing everything you can! Because conflicts are inevitable.

And what is conflict? It’s misalignment. Something is off. That doesn’t mean it’s doomed. It doesn’t even have to mean it’s damaged. But something is misaligned. 

Of course, sometimes, we live with a little misalignment here and there… and even a little damage, we can repair that pretty easily. 

But if that little misalignment isn’t ever recognized, acknowledged, addressed, resolved… it will only get worse and more painful. And the more painful it gets: the more our emotions begin clouding our logic, and that gets confusing very quickly.

And then all of a sudden, something happens that should feel small but suddenly it feels more like a seismic shift, or a landmine to what we thought was reality. These are the moments when the jolt of unpredictability makes our emotion take over, and those take overs are the moments that significantly damage our relationships. 

These moments, these burned bridges, these destroyed relationships, are the reason we as a society have got to start retraining our instinctual reactions to conflict. We have to get out of those damaging habits and replace them with constructive reactions that allow us to maintain peace and predictability in our relationships. We have to start making a habit out of fighting off our initial destructive reactions and recentering—focusing on the misalignment and how to get the relationship back on track. We have to start learning how to define our emotions and assign meaning to them, without jumping straight to fault and blame. 

When we jump to fault or start assigning blame, we immediately derail the resolution process and significantly increase the chances of relationship damage. But I know it’s important to hold people accountable for their actions, and I know it’s important that people recognize when they’ve hurt you. So when you find yourself arguing about fault, or blaming someone before you’ve even discussed the real issues that caused the conflict… switch the conversation from fault to responsibility. 

Whose responsibility is it to maintain this relationship?

Whose]]>When we’re seeing the conflict through the filter of our emotions, we attack the relationship instead of the problem.

We ask ourselves “WHO made me feel this way?” instead of “WHAT is making me feel this way?” or "WHY am I feeling this way?"

That’s why emotions are such a huge part of our individual perception of a conflict, BUT you have to be able to recognize that everyone’s individual perception is based on their own emotional reality.

When we START WITH our emotions as the foundation of our reasoning and problem solving, the rest of our resolution process is doomed, because all of a sudden we’re trying to fix feelings, instead of fix a relationship.

When we do that, it adds more emotional tension to the conflict because we cannot cry, yell, ignore, or force another person into understanding our emotional reasoning. They’re set up to fail, because they will either try to understand it logically or emotionally.

If they try to understand it logically, they can’t, because you’re reasoning emotionally.

But if they try to understand it emotionally, they still probably won’t get it because their emotional reasoning is based in their own perception of the conflict, not yours.

What we really want is just for them to handle the situation in a way that makes sense to us. In a way that makes us feel comfortable. In a way that makes us feel supported, not attacked. 

We have to recognize that even though it’s what we crave as humans, being fully and completely understood is not the only type of resolution.

Even healthy conflict can still be uncomfortable and confusing, and damaging/destructive conflicts will still happen, you’ll still feel misunderstood sometimes, even when you’re doing everything you can! Because conflicts are inevitable.

And what is conflict? It’s misalignment. Something is off. That doesn’t mean it’s doomed. It doesn’t even have to mean it’s damaged. But something is misaligned. 

Of course, sometimes, we live with a little misalignment here and there… and even a little damage, we can repair that pretty easily. 

But if that little misalignment isn’t ever recognized, acknowledged, addressed, resolved… it will only get worse and more painful. And the more painful it gets: the more our emotions begin clouding our logic, and that gets confusing very quickly.

And then all of a sudden, something happens that should feel small but suddenly it feels more like a seismic shift, or a landmine to what we thought was reality. These are the moments when the jolt of unpredictability makes our emotion take over, and those take overs are the moments that significantly damage our relationships. 

These moments, these burned bridges, these destroyed relationships, are the reason we as a society have got to start retraining our instinctual reactions to conflict. We have to get out of those damaging habits and replace them with constructive reactions that allow us to maintain peace and predictability in our relationships. We have to start making a habit out of fighting off our initial destructive reactions and recentering—focusing on the misalignment and how to get the relationship back on track. We have to start learning how to define our emotions and assign meaning to them, without jumping straight to fault and blame. 

When we jump to fault or start assigning blame, we immediately derail the resolution process and significantly increase the chances of relationship damage. But I know it’s important to hold people accountable for their actions, and I know it’s important that people recognize when they’ve hurt you. So when you find yourself arguing about fault, or blaming someone before you’ve even discussed the real issues that caused the conflict… switch the conversation from fault to responsibility. 

Whose responsibility is it to maintain this relationship?

Whose responsibility is it to resolve conflict in the relationship?

What are your normal responsibilities in the relationship, and did you violate them?

What are their normal responsibilities in the relationship, and did they violate them?

If expectations were violated, is everyone aware? On the same page about it?

When you switch the mindset from “whose fault is this?” To “whose responsibility is this?” It becomes less about blame and more about connection, boundaries, and healthy accountability. 

Active --

• Winning at All Costs
• Blind Anger/Rage
• Demeaning Others
• Retaliating

Passive --

• Avoiding
• Accomodating
• Hiding Important Emotions
• Self-Criticizing

Most Common Constructive Reactions:

Active --

• Perspective Taking
• Creating Solutions
• Expressing Emotions
• Reaching Out

Passive --

• Reflective Thinking
• Delay Responding
• Adapting

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tt: @yourconflictcoac.hh

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Peace does not come from avoiding conflict. Peace comes from avoiding destructive reactions, and retraining ourselves to react constructively instead.

3 Circle Exercise

Smallest Inner ("Core") Circle --> 3-5 primary pieces of your identity as an individual

Next, Wider Circle --> 3-5 important pieces of your identity that aren't central to your core

Third, Widest Circle --> 3-5 pieces of yourself that play a large role in your life, but are not quite as central to your identity

Remember:

1. This diagram will change and shift throughout your life
2. It can contain anything that you feel is central and valuable to your identity.
3. The closer something is to the center of the diagram, the more central it is to your core identity, and the more it will feel like an attack when someone threatens it.

Most Common Destructive Reactions:

Active --

• Winning at All Costs
• Blind Anger/Rage
• Demeaning Others
• Retaliating

Passive --

• Avoiding
• Accomodating
• Hiding Important Emotions
• Self-Criticizing

FIND ME ON SOCIALS!!

ig: @yourconflictcoac.hh

fb: Your Conflict Coac.hh

yt: Hannah Hutchinson, Conflict Coach

tt: @yourconflictcoac.hh

OR EMAIL ME AT yourconflictcoachh@gmail.com

We are in this together. If all you've done lately is take baby steps out of the darkness, that's enough. Getting from the valley to the mountain top takes some climbing.

Notes:

Compromising is a good "back-up" for collaboration when you (or anyone else involved) does not have the mental/emotional capacity to handle the conflict collaboratively. If compromising isn't an option all parties are willing to work on, then don't be afraid to take some time to yield.

Most Common HOT BUTTONS (aka: triggers):

Aloofness

Abrasiveness

Hostility

Micro-managing

Over-analyzing

Self-centeredness

Unreliability

Unappreciativeness

Untrustworthiness

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Next week: Compromising vs. Collaborating

FIGHT OR FLIGHT = [Dominating] or [Avoiding]

When can you use the "bad" conflict styles?

Avoiding is ideal when: issues are trivial, there's a 0% chance of a mutually satisfactory resolution, or someone needs time to process the conflict before confronting it

Dominating is necessary when: there is a clear and understood, unbalanced power dynamic (i.e. boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child)

Accommodating is honorable when: the issue is significantly more important to the opposing party, or someone is agreeably in the wrong

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yt: Hannah Hutchinson, Conflict Coach

tt: @yourconflictcoac.hh

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Segmenting Exercise:

1st: “What happened?”

How would a stranger describe the conflict?

IS NOT: opinion, fault, assumptions of intent 

2nd: “How does that make you feel?”

Important: be able to define your emotions. What exactly is it that you’re feeling?

IS NOT: how being in conflict is making you feel

3rd: “Why did this happen?”

What needs to change so the conflict doesn’t exist anymore? Why did it trigger our emotions?

IS NOT: instructions for the other person, blaming

If you had some trouble mentally segmenting your conflict into what happened, how it made you feel, and why, you’re actually in the majority. Try doing it with a conflict you have witnessed between other people, or maybe think back on one that’s been resolved for a while. Sometimes it’s much easier to start there. 

Conflict Styles:

Avoiding

Accommodating

Dominating

Compromising

Collaborating

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yt: Hannah Hutchinson, Conflict Coach

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